#IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO STOP

[ribread03]

Dance Party! M.Sturniolo x Reader

Bread talk: I came up with this idea while writing my Nick Sturniolo head cannons.. so yeah. I hope you like this... A HUGE thank you to @6ix9inewiturmom with helping me pick out songs for this. ILY thank you. Also this is a LOOOONG one.

WC: 2597 [just stick with it]

CW: Smut, cursing, unprotected sex [wrap before you tap], idk what else honestly. let me know if I missed anything important..

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"Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Nick sings loudly with the music.

"Don't ya wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?" You're singing the next line of the song.

"Dont Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls plays loudly in the kitchen of the triplets house. Me and Nick dancing our hearts out not having a care in the world of what we look like to the outside eye.

Dancing and laughing with Nick and you spin around the kitchen, bumping into him every once and a while. Rolling your shoulders to the beat of the song. Moving your hips in a sexual way not thinking about anything but you a Nick.

"I probably be just as crazy about you if you were my old man" Both of you singing this line together. While you point at Nick with your finger.

Laughing as the song ends and the next one comes on. You look over the the couch and see Matt sitting there on his phone. Looking over at Nick you now see Chris behind him.

Cheering as the next song starts because it's one of your favorites. "Get Low" by Lil Jon feat. Ying Yang Twins comes on. You start to sing the song. Getting low when it says to get low still singing.

"Till the sweat drops down my balls!" You sing loudly in the house.

"Let me see you get low you scared you, scared you." Chris now singing the part of the song. Dropping down to the floor at this point you bounce back up shaking your ass.

Still singing the song still you move your hips to the left and to the right when that part of the song comes on, wiggling when they song says so.

"To the window, To the wall!" All three of you sing. Pointing to to the window and the wall.

You now feel someone behind you. Knowing the only other person that could have joined you guys would be Matt. The lyrics "Bend over to he front touch toes back dat ass up and down and get low" come on and you do that as you have been with the rest of the song.

Not realizing how close Matt really was to you. You end up hitting his crotch. Him immediately grabbing your hip so you don't rub against him, but you do anyway. You know what you are doing to him. You and Matt have always had a flirty relationship, agreeing that you guys where just friends. Everyone knew that you both kinda liked each other or thought the other one was cute.

Plastering a smile on your face when you feel Matt grip your hips tighter when you directly rub up against his growing boner. Backing up a little more when the same lyric is said again.

The song now ending you step forward going to make away from Matt but his hands are still on you. He quickly pulls his hands away from you and moves them to cover the small bulge that is now in his pants.

The next song starts with some whistling. "Moves Like Jagger" is now playing over the speakers. You start to jump up and down to the beat of the song. Spinning in a circle as you sing the song. Nick and Chris in their own world dancing with each other.

You feel hands on your shoulders stopping you from dancing. You huff and turn your head seeing Matt's faces close to your ear. You can feel his hot jagged breath on your neck as he talks.

"Wanna see my moves?" He pauses for a sec, but continues when you don't move. "They're just like Jaggers."

Now spinning to face him, he winks and walks off to his room. Leaving you there to finish dancing thinking about what he has just said to you.

~~

Knocking on Matt's door it quickly opens and he pulls you inside. Gasping at the sudden jolt you lose your balance falling right into Matt's chest. You are thinking about whether or not it was a good idea to come down here.

Matt chuckling, he looks at you. You now realize how long you have been standing holding onto his shirt in silence. Stepping back from Matt you look up. "hi." You speak at almost a whisper.

"hey." He says back almost as quite as you.

The tension in the room is so thick you could see it. The dim lights of Matt's room not helping. The mood seems to be set, his bed has silk sheets on it, paired with a matching quilt.

You finally decide to speak up about what Matt had said to you 5 minutes prior. "What's with this 'wanna see my moves' thing?" You question, seriously not knowing what he was talking about.

Matt sits and stares at you for a few seconds before finally taking two steps towards you, grabbing your face and planting his lips on yours. You are shocked at his sudden action. You slowly start to kiss him back when you realize what is happening. Matt pulls away from you lips and looks you in the eyes.

"That help?"

You answer him by kissing him back, this time he is the one that is caught off guard. Pulling away you answer with a breathy "yeah" and a quite giggle. Matt pulls you closer to him with his hands on your waist.

You cant stop smiling. You never thought this day would come when you would be able to kiss Matt. Not wanting to push Matt to do anything you just put your arms around his neck and wait for him to make the next move.

Matt without any warning picks you up, walks across his room and places you on his bed. Standing in front of you he bends down to be level with your face "You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" He whispers in your ear.

His hot breath fanning your neck sends shivers down your spine, making you let out a low whimper. Chuckling Matt moves his face so now he is making eye contact with you. Deciding hes not going to do something about the obvious tension in the room, you kiss him again.

This time it gets heated. Your back is pushed against the bed, Matt on top of you. Matt's hands are on your waist. Your hands rest on his chest, playing with the fabric of his shirt. His grip is strong making it so you cant move. He is leaving wet kisses down your jaw and neck, then moving back up to your face.

Matt's hands are traveling up your sides, making you squirm at his touch. He pulls away and lifts his shirt up and over his head. You've seen Matt shirtless before, but you cant help and stare right now, taking in every detail of his torso. Matt clears his throat becoming nervous under your gaze.

"sor-." You go to say. Matt cuts you off by kissing you again. His hands playing with the bottom of your shirt now. Taking the hint you break the kiss and slide your thin top up and over your head. Matt is the one staring now, as your chest is now only covered by your lacy bra. Giggling quietly "My eyes are up here silly." Grabbing his chin and bringing his eyes back up to yours.

"You're so beautiful." Matt is kissing you again not giving you time to even say anything back. Smiling in the kiss at the compliment. You go to toy with his belt. Matt pulls back from the kiss looking down at where your hands are, so close to where he needs them but so far away.

You drop your hands as quickly as you can thinking that he is uncomfortable with what you're doing. Matt quickly grabs them and puts them back, letting you know to keep going. You quickly unbuckle his belt, throwing it somewhere on the floor. Still kissing Matt you feel his hands at the waist band out your pants. Nodding yes to let him know it's ok to take them off.

Matt rips your pants down your legs, along with his own leaving you both in your underwear. Your arms go to wrap around your waist to hide from Matt but he stops you by holding your hands above your head, interlocking your fingers. He gives you a quick peck on the lips before moving down to your jaw and neck.

Your breath hitches when he kisses your collar bone. He looks up at you, making eye contact. "Can I take this off?" He ask playing with the strap of your bra. Shaking you head yes. "Words now please." He says. Instant butterfly's enter your tummy.

"Yes, take it off Matt." You say slightly moaning his name when he kisses the top of your breast.

Matt takes your bra off and his mouth quickly finds your nipple swirling it around with his tongue. Whimpering as he does this you can feel him smiling onto your skin. Hands flying to his hair to try and push him down to where you need him the most. "Matt."

"Hm" He responds not taking his mouth off of your body traveling farther down. "What do you need sweetheart."

"I need y-you, Matt, I need you so bad." You confess.

"All you had to do was ask." He starts to move down your body, now at the top of your panties. He loops his finger under the top of them and looks at you once again in the eyes asking for permission to take your final piece of clothing off.

"Matt, just take them off already." You beg slightly, becoming needy. "Please, I need you inside of me already." This makes Matt's cheeks turn a slight shade of pink as if his not undressing you.

Ripping your panties off Matt stares at your naked body laying in front of him. "How did I get so lucky?" He ask himself. He's now face to face with you pussy. You feel his warm breath on your heat. You can feel you heart rate pick up, this is something you never thought would be happening to you.

Gasping when you feel his tongue lick a strip through your folds. You can feel him smirking against you as his tongue moves at a fast speed now. You are becoming a mess from just his tongue, how would it feel when he is pounding into you, his dick hitting the right spot every time.

"M-matt" His name comes out of your mouth louder than you thought because he stops his movements and puts his finger to his lip tell you to be quite. His chin is covered in your juices.

"shh. Wouldn't want them to hear." He says nodding his head towards the door implying he was talking about his brothers.

Quickly nodding your head Matt gets back to work. Your legs start to shake not to long after he starts again. Your hands are pulling on his hair. "Matt-I ug- Im close." You manage to moan out. Matt quickens his pace when he hears this.

"Cum for me, let it all go pretty girl" Hearing his words you cum all over his face. Your legs are shaking, your thighs squeezing around his head as your organism washes over you.

As you are trying to catch your breath Matt's face comes out from in-between your legs. Wiping his chin with the back of his hand, he comes up to your face and gives you a quick little peck on the lips. His lips travel from your lips to the top of your breast.

His hard on presses against your thigh, pressing your thigh up into his cock. He whimpers at the feeling when you do this, lightly biting down on your chest. You do this again, this time earning a moan from Matt. Smirking at what you do to him, you quickly flip so now you are on top of him.

You loop your fingers in the waist band of his underwear and he takes the hit and pulls them down. You can't help but stare for a second, thinking about how it will fit. Matt clears his throat and you bring your attention back to his face.

"Are you sure about this?" Matt ask you.

"Yeah." You tell him. "What about you? Do you want this to?"

"Most defiantly."

With that you kiss Matt. Pulling away Matt flips you guys over again so he is on top once again. He lines up his tip with your entrance. He slowly pushes into. You wince at this pain as he stretches you out. He slowly starts to thrust into you.

Little sounds escape your lips when the pain becomes pleasure. Matt starts to move his hips. You feel over the moon right now, never in a billion years would you think this would be happening, all because of a stupid song.

Matt's lips reconnect with yours. His hips are moving slowly still. "Mhp- Matt." You let quiets moans and whimpers of his name leave your mouth, pushing Matt to move his hips faster.

"You're so pretty." He lets out. "I hope you know that." Blushing at his comments his name slips past your lips again.

Matt hits the spot that makes you crumble every time. You can't hold back your moans anymore, letting the whole house know what is going on. Matt is quick to put his fingers in your mouth. Picking up his pace as his rams into you.

You're close to cumming again, you can tell Matt is as well. His thrust are become sloppy and uneven. "C-close." is all you can mumble out.

"Me to, me to." He tells you as he takes his fingers out of your mouth wanting to hear the noises he causes you to make. "Cum with me y/n?"

Before the whole sentence leaves his mouth your cumming, him not far after you. Matt pulls out and falls down on the bed next to you. You look over at him, his face slightly sweaty from the events that just had happened. "That was..." You start but trail off.

"Yeah it was." He knows what you mean, you just smile at the fact he thinks that same. He looks over at you, making eye contact with you. He leans over and gives you a quick peck on the lips before getting out of bed and walking into his bathroom. He walks back into the room with a washcloth.

Walking over to you he drags the cloth all over your thighs being careful around your more sensitive parts as he cleans you up. Peppering kisses all around your body as he does this.

Once he is done he throws the cloth in his dirty clothes bin and grabs you a sweatshirt and underwear from his dresser. After helping you put them on, and his own pair, he climbs back into bed with you. Snuggling up close to you, you can feel his hot breath on your neck.

"Soo-" you start before Matt cuts you off.

"Can we talk in the morning? I just want to cuddle right now..." Matt shamelessly admits.

Laughing lightly at his small confession, "Yeah." You answer. "I like that idea" Snuggling back into his chest. Slowly you start to drift asleep, in arms you're used to sleeping in but this time it's different. A good difference, one that you like and could get used to.

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ANpt2.: I hoped you guys like this. This took me forever to write but I really enjoyed it. this is so long so thanks for reading the whole thing. OKAY BYE LOVE YOU <3!!!

[ahegato]

[NSFW] Obey Me - fem!MC first time with Leviathan

m.list

TW: nsfw, first time sex, loss of virginity, swearing Characters: Leviachan Writer: ahegato

Context:  The MC would probably be pretty nervous since it’s the first time and stuff like that. Idk I lost my virginity when I was like 17 and now I’m really old, so I barely remember it. I just recall worrying about the pain while also knowing it was common, that’s about it lol

You/your pronouns, so basically gender neutral, bUT MC will have female bits.

lucifer (cumming soon) | mammon | leviathan (ur here) | satan (cumming soon) | asmodeus (cumming soon) | beelzebub (cumming soon) | belphegor (cumming soon) | diavolo (cumming soon) | barbatos (cumming soon) | simeon (cumming soon) | solomon (cumming soon)

LEVIATHAN:

don’t worry, it’s his first time too

and he’s 100% more nervous than you are

despite the fact that you’re the one being penetrated here

boy is absolutely terrified that his performance will disappoint you

or even worse, that he’ll hurt you

you don’t have to worry about telling him to take it slow, he’ll take it verrrrrrry slow

he has to gather up courage for almost everything

with him being so nervous, it kind of makes you a little more confident and you dare to take more initiative

at least it’s nice that this is new to both of you, and that you can explore it together

just don’t go too quickly or he might finish before you’ve even started

he’ll keep a hand over his mouth basically the whole time unless you stop him, because everything threatens to make him moan like a porn star

which I assure you that you 100% want to hear, he’s releasing some of the most lewd noises in the world

if you let him finish as is, his eyes will roll up to his skull before going limp

he might as well be dead, you won’t be reaching him for a couple of minutes, but once he’s back he’ll be clingy asf

he’ll be moaning for a while even after you’re done, because he seriously came that hard

BUUUT if you pull out, he’ll cum right as you do, putting you both in the splash zone*, so have fun with that ;)

*unless you guys use protection of course lol

Holy fuck, you’re squeezing him so much. How the hell is he supposed to last longer than a minute? His mouth is open in a silent scream as his eyes nearly roll up in his skull. The sensation is almost overwhelming and the pleasure threatens to take over him, but he reminds himself how vulnerable you are right now. If he were to move now, it could be very painful for you. So he wills himself to stay still, albeit shaking slightly from the effort.

Once you’ve adjusted to him, you begin to grind on him, getting into a steady rhythm as your hips rub against his. Levi slaps a hand over his mouth as a moan threatens to come out.

“No, don’t cover your mouth.” you say, pausing your movements as you pull his hand off. Then you lean down to whisper in his ear, “I want to hear you~”

Levi whimpers as a response, insanely turned on by your dominance.

At some point, Levi loses any shyness that once plagued him, pulling you down into a deep kiss, rubbing his tongue against your lips until you let him in, as well as he begins to thrust up into you.

The pace quickens more and more, and it eventually gets to the intensity where he can’t keep up anymore, overtaken by being riiiight at the edge of his climax.

“I-I-... I’m... I’m gon...” the words come out jumbled and unstable between his panting.

Noticing his movements faltering, you take the reins once more, riding him like there’s no tomorrow, and the demon helplessly trembles from the pleasure, only able to moan and twitch from his position underneath you. He’s putting hentai characters to shame with his whines, and fuck is it hot. He’s so incredibly close that everything else just disappears.

“Cum for me, Levi.”

Upon hearing those four words, the knot in his stomach is instantly unraveled and his eyes roll up into the back of his head as you milk him dry.

✦ 30/11/2023 (Im so sorry lmao) - 12/05/2024 ✦ ahegato ✦

[minimoefoe]

space babies and the devil's chord first watch thoughts

a couple of these are things i wrote down while watching but most is off the top of my head afterwards. will probs rewatch in the week and be more on it writing down thoughts etc

spaces babies

starting the episode with however many minutes of the doctor telling ruby his life story is... idk. defo didn't hate it but also it felt very powerpoint-y like they're just tryna get all the info out and hit the bases for the new viewers. which is partly understandable and i do think it make sense for the new therapised doctor to be willing to give out info about himself but that coupled with him giving her the key at the end of the ep is like hm i maybe woulda preferred her to find out misc stuff over time? not just have his life story dumped on her when they've just met??? idrk.

with prev eras, that stuff came over time or with 13 the fam finding out about where the doctor was from was a big thing bc it took a whole season and also there was meaning behind it, she was just telling them to get them to stop asking. where as this doesn't feel as deep? it felt, like i said, more about telling the audience than about anything else. even if it does make sense he'd be willing to be open bc of his new therapised self and also the fact him and ruby relate in certain ways so he might feel closer to her quicker

the exact same phone trick that nine did with rose is so... another thing that's like okay fine and also that rose scene was 19yrs ago now so it's not like it happened recently but it being by the same writer is like maybe think of something new. at least the scenes weren't in the same context like with nine and rose it was right after a fight but this was more chill

the doctor purposely scaring the babies was so 😭😭😭

the babies were so cute like. i low-key felt a bit teary when we first met them and they were saying about being alone or whatever it was

some review mentioned that the doctor said 'space babies' a lot and yeah he did and i noticed it every time and idk if that's bc of the review mentioning it or if i woulda noticed anyways but either way it was annoying

ruby sunday monday tuesday wednesday

fifteen and ruby have good banter idk i didn't list every moment but they're defo good together

gonna be real idk why they didn't just let that bogeyman die like. was he or was he not tryna kill them for half the episode. call him a baby but that is not a baby. that ending felt strange idrk

overall a good ep, gave it 3.5/5. has potential to be a 4/5 on rewatch but we'll see

the devil's chord

maestro i doubted you but i stan kinda

the scenes that were released as sneak peaks were WAYYYY better in the actual context of the episode

a susan mention in the year of our lord 2024 is craaaazy. loved it but again is like my first space babies point where it kinda feels like stuff is being revealed to kinda give new viewers back story?? but ALSO susan finally getting mentioned by name is great and what she deserves so idk

one review said ruby was 'casually bisexual' and i did watch these eps at 6/7am so maybe i missed something but.. i didn't notice a single bi ruby moment

maestro mentioning the one who waits at the end was like omfg can we be more creative. i am really into what this season is doing and the toymaker being maestro's dad is really cool but can we find ways of hinting at stuff that isn't literally just a character saying 'they're coming'. it's so lazy

not sure why there's been a six month time skip between episode one and two???? just to keep up with our time? very unnecessary and i feel like doesn't fully work bc ruby has FRESH companion vibes still (like how by now she would defo have found out that shit going bad in the past would fuck up her life in the future but she didn't) but we're i guess supposed to believe it's been six months? whatever

all the fourth wall breaking isn't my fave

why was there a song and dance at the end i know it was music ep but it felt strange/unnecessary

the doctor aggressively pointing the sonic at maestro was so funny like. worried ppl would play guns on the playground with the old sonic design and then you have the doctor do that lol very unserious

the next time trailer looked really cool i'm looking forward to more darker eps, these were mostly just fun

gave this ep 4/5. could go down, defo won't go up i don't think

[awlumii]

mean!kazuha with a sleepy reader? (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

i’d imagine that he’d be pretty soft but would still try to keep you awake by giving you love bites

🦤 anon

THE DEEP BREATH I HAD TO TAKE JUST NOW*@#$*#

you're so... stupid, kazuha thinks, for being so vulnerable around him. you do this often; you let your guard like he's someone you're supposed to trust with your wellbeing. he's not! he's told you as much before! why do you insist on putting so much faith in him? and sure, maybe he's overreacting. you're just dozing off — that's not a crime. but he could hurt you. he can hurt you. he should, a sadistic part of him speaks up.

...he won't. he can't. he could never. not seriously, anyways.

because at the same time, he could kiss you. he could pull you closer and hold you the same way he does in his dreams. he could love you... couldn't he?

kazuha looks your sleeping frame over once more. you're wide open — he'd tell you as much if you were completely awake. you would probably scoff and tell him to go to hell. that would be much more ideal than, say, you dropping your head on his shoulder.

kazuha flinches when you do. it's not like you two haven't been a little intimate before, but this... this is different. he's not sure he likes this much; he's thinking ridiculous things. he pushes you gently, his grip on you firm and unrelenting in hopes that you'll wake up. you don't, unfortunately; you go back to swaying while sitting up. he's getting desperate. what is it going to take for you to stay awake?

suddenly, he gets an idea.

he could hurt you like this, yes. it'd be so easy to leave you brusied, but he could also kiss you. he could be so gentle with you. or, his mind supplies, he could indulge himself a little and wake you up at the same time.

kazuha leans down and noses at your neck. you smell so nice... you jolt a little — perhaps that woke you up enough? it's a little disappointing, but--

instead of pushing him away, you tilt your head a little to give him better access. kazuha freezes. are you serious? he asks you as much and you sigh and tell him that he's tickling you and to get it over with. you still don't move away. still so vulnerable. he's going to make you regret this.

kazuha litters hesitant kisses on your skin. you sigh again, but still don't push him away. he nips you gently — you inhale sharply but still...

alright, he decides. since you're so okay with this.

in hindsight, kazuha recognizes that he may have gotten carried away. he starts small and leaves faint marks here and there, but when you bring your hand up to the back of his head, he changes it up. dark marks are left over the faint ones, painting your skin in a palette of reds and purples. surely you're awake, kazuha thinks at some point. you've hissed at him more than once to take it easy, but you didn't stop him. if anything, the way you're whimpering and tightening your grip in his hair is your way of telling him to keep going.

and who is he to deny you of what you want? of what you both want?

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

Ok so like. Film adaptations of books are not universally bad things on principle. I’m definitely not saying that it’s impossible to produce a good one. But at the same time, film and the written word are different mediums that aren’t necessarily suited to telling stories in the same way.

For example, in a book, especially a highly character driven one, you get to directly see and read a lot of a character’s thoughts. And this has a huge impact on your experience of the story. And sure, you can convey this in a somewhat similar way with a voice over in a film adaptation, but depending on the scene being adapted, this doesn’t always work great or feel natural.

And that’s not a bad thing. It just means that it doesn’t translate to film well because film is a different medium that tells stories in a different way. And there certainly are books that translate well to film. But to be honest? A lot don’t. Especially not in a way that even comes close to touching the original that it is based off of. And that’s fine. Plenty of amazing movies and TV shows wouldn’t translate well into books and most people wouldn’t really want or expect them to.

So no. I really don’t think that “achieving” a film adaptation should be seen as a goal the way it seems to be for a lot of books and I think that seeing this as a goal is often doing a huge disservice to the original work. I think that books that are well served by film adaptations are the exception, not the rule, and that most of the drive to produce film adaptations of popular books is driven by the urge to squeeze every last possible bit of profit out of every single creative idea ever rather than like. I don’t know. Actual appreciation for the source material and a genuine wish to understand it in a different light.

[todayisafridaynight]

not to make people believe in me and my work ethic but im lowkey a liiiitttttleeee stoked to share the fics ive been cookin lately..

[sprinklethetangerine]

I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?

[britneyshakespeare]

i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

[trashcreatyre]

The number one thing that sucks about me making aus is that they are so intrinsically linked with the playlists I make for them, like,,,, I really feel like ur not getting the whole experience if ur not also listening to the playlist for all the stuff I don't know how to draw in a way that makes sense/dose it justice

[michi-chelle]

“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard

[violentdevotion]

I had multiple dreams last night.

I had a bf </3

someone in my family got bit by a zombie </3

some guy made me explain narrative structure to him </3

[coquelicoq]

last night i dreamt that there was a new tab on the tumblr activity pane called Maldicts, specifically for when people curse your post in french (though that is not the french word for "curses"). i was making scrambled eggs using the entire surface of a table as a frying pan while my younger sibling and i listened to the beach boys song "409" and decided that the lyrics of the song (which are about a car and never mention another person) were addressed to the father of the person the singer was dating. i had previously made a tumblr post saying that wei wuxian had fed lan wangji scrambled eggs before nightless city and lan wangji got sick, thus never going to nightless city and missing out on the cliff scene (or cave scene, in the novel). even though i was completely focused on making sure the eggs didn't drip off the end of the table as they were cooking, i was also aware that my notes were lighting up with people Maldicting that post on tumblr at the same time.

[loveydive]

[arklay]

.

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

girl im dating asked me if im still in love with my ex at my birthday party while i was drunk???????????? the fuck was that about