#IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE PURGATORY IT REALLY HAS

[q-starhalo]

-`. ★

Bad would always stay up, even back on the island. So when he couldn't sleep, he would hangout with Dapper late at night - which Richarlyson and Pomme would later join in, leading to them being called the "The Late Night Trio" - or talk to his ghosties or do other types of shenanigans. But here? He couldn't do that. All he could do is sit there alone, listening to the snores of the other members of his team and the sound of the soulfire cackling. Just alone.

Unless Bagi or Etoiles messaged him. Bagi, despite being new to the island, was a nice person to be around with. And her theories were interesting as well so he's always glad when she messages him to talk about them even if they were on opposing teams. They would drink tea and lean on one another while they talked about any logical thoughts (sometimes leading Bad to make a visual representation) and just chill out.

As for Etoiles, he was just a gem to be around with. His jokes and sassy yet sweet personality would always make Bad be glad to have him as his friend. And not only that, but he is incredibly smart so it was nice to talk to him about strategies (though they laid a bit down on that during their time here to not sabotage their teams). At some point they made a camp underground and marked the area with random flowers they found. It was a cozy place to be at and they were able tend to the others wounds and drink tea near the fire in peace without worrying about mobs.

However, tonight, he had a different reason for staying up. A reason he hopes won't happen. For this reason could be one of the fates of his friends.

His friends....his dear friends.....

Every one of his friends that were on that team. They could all be gone. He could have to walk them down that hall, leading them to the afterlife. And it would've been his fault.

If he just didn't turn in those missions. If he just waited. If he just didn't listen to his paranoia. If he just didn't look at the creature he named Coco who reminded him so much like Dapper. If he just didn't ask Coco that question. If he just didn't take the nod and remember his son's words. Then maybe, JUST maybe, they wouldn't have been eliminated. Maybe they would've been able to tie.

Bad stood up and decided to go on a walk. He just needed to relax his mind from these thoughts. He packed some extra tea and went up the elevator. He looked around just in case and got on a boat.

He eventually got off once he hit land and started wandering around, heading in a random direction. But no matter how calming the silence was with the water and the wind dancing, his mind would not rest. The words Dapper told him in that message were now on repeat. His sorrow was now being replaced with a new motivation.

Nothing is off the table. Run over whoever you need to win.

He had to win.

Nothing is off the table. Run over whoever you need to win.

No matter who he killed, it's for the eggs.

Nothing if off the table. Run over whoever you need to win

If anything, that eye guy will split the teams. All he had to do is win.

Nothing is off the table. Run over whoever you need to win.

He had to do it for all the eggs. For Dapper. For his porcupine. His sunshine.

Nothing is off the table. Run over whoever you need to win-

He stopped. Some flowers were suddenly tickling his legs. The violent thoughts were now quiet. Oh? he thought as he looked around. And to his surprise, it was a familiar area. He was just above their base. Their safe camp away from danger. Oh how funny it is that he carried himself here. He did need somewhere to rest.

He looked around and went down the elevator and appeared in the little house under the ground. He was greeted with the feeling of warmth from the torches and campfire that were in the room and the smell tea from the previous day was still in the air. He took a second to let it overtake him and tried to relax his body.

"Badboy?"

Startled, Bad's hand immediately grabbed his sword and looked to his side to see who was there. Etoiles, who turned out to be the voice, was sitting in one of the chairs near the campfire and laughing at Bad's sudden action.

"Were you going to kill me, Badboy? I thought we were friends!" said Etoiles while smiling at Bad who put away his sword away and sat down next to him.

"Oh hush, I just got scared. Besides, it wouldn't have mattered. Nothing is affective to players at this hour besides mobs" Bad took some tea out of his bag and poured some of it in a cup, giving it to Etoiles.

"You were still going to stab me!" said Etoiles while he took a sip of the tea. Bad let out a giggle and poured his own cup. He really hopes he's right about the splitting of teams.

They talked for a bit before they quieted down. Their tea cups were put a side and they were looking at the fire. Etoiles laid his head down on Bad's shoulder and Bad's tail started to wrap itself around Etoiles' leg and they sat like that, in silence. The fire cackled in the silence and the smell of their teas filled the air. Everything was so still. So calming.

They didn't say anything about what could happen. It didn't matter. As long as they were able to have a good fight with each other and be able to be together on this lovely night, talking and laughing, then nothing really mattered. They would be together on this lonely night. A demon with his star. Together before disaster.

-`. ★

[rationaliity]

voicelines about you | various ( i. )

the men's voiceline about you ! next will do a part of the women they're short because i wanted them to sound legit, which is why i did so many !! hope you enjoy anyways <33 this is all purely self indulgent because ill be real with you im not feeling very daijoubou rn

— DR. RATIO

about you : an incomprehensible yet enticing mess in the body of a person. i don't understand their way of thinking at all, and yet, it almost feels as if they understand me in a way few do. peculiar.

chat: his relationship with you : ..relationship is hardly the word i would use to describe our acquaintance. however, i suppose they are not completely inept, unlike many i have had the misfortune of coming across in my time.

added to team with you : take care of yourself. should i have to step in, i will do so to prevent some unfortunate happenstances.

— WELT YANG

about you : potentially one of the kindest individuals i have had the pleasure to be introduced to in my time of travelling the cosmos. a gentle soul like none other. they light up the world around them.

chat: his relationship with you : spending time with them has become a daily necessity for me. i find myself beginning to nag at the others when i have not spent enough time with them. march often asks me about them before anything else.

added to team with you : i appreciate your vitality, but try to take breaks whenever necessary.

— AVENTURINE

about you : quite the enigma, that one. before i even realized it, they had snuck their way into my heart. perhaps they were betting that i wouldn't notice, and perhaps.. it paid off for them.

chat: his relationship with you : they're the chip i hold closest to my chest. no.. a chip is the wrong comparison. they're the one thing i will always hold no matter the stakes of the bet. having them by my side is more important to me than any risk.

added to team with you : i'm willing to bet that the two of us together will make quite the team.

— ARGENTI

about you : the moment our eyes met, i knew they were someone of refined elegance, but i was wholly unprepared for the true beauty of their very being.

chat: his relationship with you : i feel the closest to idrila and the eternal beauty that i seek when i am with them. they bring out a fire in me that simply cannot be quenched by any other soul, as if i were a moth to their brilliant flame.

added to team with you : as usual, i find myself captivated by your beauty and grace, my dear.

— BOOTHILL

about you : i don't know another capable of runnin' things how they run things. they got my respect. well, much more than just my respect, but that ain't proper to say.

chat: his relationship with you : ain't nothin' like the nice feelin' of knowin' you're loved by someone no matter whatcha look like or what you're capable of. they've been there through it all, the bad, the ugly, and the muddle-fudgin' terrible.

added to team with you : well i'll be the son of a nice lady, if it isn't you ! let me take care of ya, sweetheart.

— BLADE

about you : they are the one clear thing i can see when the mara strikes. no matter how far gone i am, i see them - clear as the many sunsets i have seen. they are where the light meets the dark.

chat: his relationship with you : this eternal purgatory that i have been cursed with feels... less hellish when they are by my side. it is as if, for a moment, my body and my soul forget what i am. i can only believe this is their doing.

added to team with you : death comes to all, but now is not your time.

— DAN HENG

about you : they were persistent in trying to know me for who i was, not who i could've been. they are kind, more so than any other person i have come to meet. they are strong and gentle at the same time.

chat: his relationship with you : march is always telling me that i should be more forthcoming with my emotions, but they seem to understand me quite well no matter how little i speak up. i.. really appreciate and value their presence in my life.

added to team with you : i will stand by you no matter what comes our way, do not be afraid.

— GALLAGHER

about you : what a riot, they are ! their personality reminds me of the strongest and sweetest drink mixed in one delightful package. it's easy to get addicted if i'm not careful.

chat: his relationship with you : i didn't understand at first why they wanted to hang out with this old dog as long as they did, not that you'll find me complainin' or nothin'. they always seemed entertained by my stories, and i like listenin' to them yap, too.

added to team with you : have a drink, i'll take care of whatever you need me to, just say the word.

— JING YUAN

about you : fascinating, with so many stories to tell, it could keep me even busier than i typically am for hours. although i must say that i enjoy being occupied by them than by work.

chat: his relationship with you : in the middle of the mundane trivialities of life that i have grown so accustomed to with my job title, they bring an air of uniqueness and excitement into every encounter. i find myself eagerly awaiting the times we meet.

added to team with you : i trust you are able to take this on yourself ? if not, well, that's why i am here, no ?

— GEPARD LANDAU

about you : they are more carefree than i am, and while it worries me at times, i find myself drawn to their spirit nonetheless. i think i'm just drawn to those kinds of people, or they are drawn to me.

chat: his relationship with you : sometimes, i feel like i'm nagging at them, even when i don't mean to, but it's because i'm always worried about them. i know they can protect themselves but i wish they would let me do it for them more often.

added to team with you : protecting you feels just as important as protecting belobog. i will do so with my life.

— LUKA

about you : they're probably the only person in belobog who really get my passion. they give their all for everything that they do, and i'm down for it !

chat: his relationship with you : they're really good at both getting me fired up and a little more mellow, depending on what i need for the moment. they're like my personal hype man / cheer leader, and i'm theirs when they need it ! that's why we work together so well.

added to team with you : this is going to be over like that with the two of us on the same team !

— LUOCHA

about you : they are wiser than they let on, it's hard to fool them or pull the wool over their eyes. even when i think i've kept a secret close, they've long since figured me out.

chat: his relationship with you : they help me see things that i would otherwise miss on my own, broadening my horizons when i need more depth brought to me. i'm grateful for their intuition and their knowledge on the world around us.

added to team with you : combat may not be my forte, but should you need assistance, i will be at your side.

— SUNDAY

about you : they are the embodiment of the feeling of the sun on your skin for the first time, warming your soul as well. they are gentle, and pick up where i lack.

chat: his relationship with you : i do not believe i am deserving of one quite like them, but i have a hard time letting them go nonetheless. they deserve more than i can give, but that doesn't stop me from trying regardless.

added to team with you : whoever dares to lay a finger on you will be met with swift and strict punishment.

— SAMPO KOSKI

about you : a person of many talents, much like myself, although they're charging significantly less for their expertise - free. i keep saying they should, but they're adamant about being kind.

chat: his relationship with you : my partnership with them could be best described as, er, jointly profitable. i provide my excellent services, and they grace me with their presence and their wits and.. maybe i am getting the better end of this deal.

added to team with you : it's your best pal, sampo koski, at your service ! aren't you glad i'm here ?

[purgatory-jar]

Foxfire - a pinefest fic

fic by: kilvmaim (@scatterbugged here on tumblr!)

art by: purgatory-jar

Summary: Castiel is just some guy he met at Chili's, except for the fact that he's not just some guy, really.

*

Edit: link to the fic has been added!

I'm so glad I'm finally able to share the art I did for Hannah's Pinefest fic! It was a pleasure working on this story and I couldn't have asked for a better author!

I think I'm the first one posting, so the link to the fic might be up a lil later today, I'll add it to this post and I'll reblog the pinefest masterpost as soon as they're up! In the meantime, you can find the promo post here: x

[scenteddelusion5]

Hello there! I do hope you are doing well! I was wondering if I could request a Hazbin Hotel imagine with Alastor x reader? Maybe the reader works at the Hotel and has for some time but is missing her life back with the living, so she heads to the kitchen to make some comfort food. Reader is from the South like Louisiana or Mississippi and makes Jambalaya. As she is cooking and dancing around the kitchen, Alastor is drawn in by the familiar smells and sit down and lots of fluff ensues? Maybe they get together at the end? Thank you so much and have a wonderful day/night! :)

One O'Clock Dinner

Alastor x homesick fem reader

Note: I decided to just have Y/n be from New Orleans as I'm not too familiar with United States' topography. Not my greatest work but still enjoyable!

Word count: 2174

Alastor definitely wasn't your ordinary demon. He was a ruthless overlord that concurred hell when he just arrived. His terrifying broadcasts were planted in almost everyone's memory, well except those that died when he had mysteriously disappeared. One of them was a certain demon from Louisiana.

Y/n had lived in New Orleans since she was a baby and never knew a different home until the day she died and was cast down to hell. She knew she wasn't the best person during her life but she wouldn't really consider herself so bad to be cast down to hell for eternity, a decade in purgatory maybe. Alas purgatory did not exist, so she was stuck there.

Until half a year after she arrived, she saw a news broadcast of Charlie Morningstar and her redemption program. Everyone had laughed at the princess but Y/n saw this as her chance. She made her way over and signed into the Happy Hotel.

Th Radio Demon knocked on the door only a few minutes after she had checked in.

"Alastor, darling, pleasure to be meeting you! Quite the pleasure!"

Y/n had heard whispers about him but nothing that went into detail, so she eavesdropping on Vaggie telling the story to Angel. The man seemed very dangerous. Maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea after all.

"So we're is your hotel staff?"

Charlie had agreed to take Alastor's help and now he was going around the room seeing what everyone could do.

"What about you, dear?" He had seemingly teleported right in front of Y/n, startling her.

"I-" She stumbled over her words as the Radio Demon's big red eyes were right staring at her. "-I can cook, I guess."

"Wonderful! As for the rest, I suppose I can cash in a few favours." He proceeded to summon a cat, bat like demon who became the bartender and front desk personnel, and a small cyclops demon who would take care of all the cleaning.

As much as she started to enjoy being around these people, Y/n quickly became tired as she had never been able to rest easily after landing in hell.

Before she could leave, however, the wall was blown up. A zappelin floated high on the sky. The demon inside it challenged Alastor but was easily defeated by the overlord.

She stared at the left over rubble. "I'm going to bed." Y/n swiftly left and made her way upstairs to her room.

A week went by and everywhere she went, Y/n felled someone staring at her in the shadows. She wasn't sure who nor why they were interested in her. It was making her squeezy, so much so that every time someone tried to talk to her, she jumped.

"Sorry Angel, didn't see you there!"

"Nifty! Where did you come from?"

"Oh! Husk, right just Husk."

The worst time it happened she was walking up the stairs, looking over her shoulder to search for whomever was following her. Y/n walked right into someone and almost fell from the stairs. Luckily that person caught her.

"You ought to look where you're going darling!" The Radio Demon helped her up the rest of the staircase. "Can't have our staff get hurt, you would be difficult to replace!"

"I'm sure there are other demons in hell who can cook. Besides didn’t you cook the other day?" She asked.

"Well yes, but they wouldn't be half as interesting as you!" Alastor smiled.

When Alastor had first arrived he saw her sitting there. The demon didn't seem to recognize him, sitting in her own little world. He had to admit that the girl was attractive but that wasn't what irked him, no, there was something about her.

From that day on he started observing Y/n, trying to figure out what was so special about her. He had found out she just died half a year ago. He learned about her skills and hobby's, he also had to admit that her cooking was amazing. Maybe even better than his, maybe.

The only reason the Radio Demon had kept his cooking in higher regard was because hadn't tasted any of her southern Louisianan dishes.

Alastor was watching her form the other side of the room. Y/n looked around while walking up the stairs, when she slipped. He quickly moved through the shadows and caught the girl. Her wide eyes were looking up at him. The Radio Demon couldn't get enough of them. How he wished to steal those eyes... He swiftly said his goodbye and disappeared into his room.

Why did he do that? There was no reason to intervene, but he did like the feeling of holding them... Alastor started to scold himself. Perhaps he is just hungry? He hadn't eaten demon for quite some time.

That night he went out and hunted down his victim. The first floor was empty, everyone was asleep. Alastor brought his bag of 'groceries' to the kitchen. He grabbed the left-overs of that night's dinner and mixed in the fresh meat. The mixture of his favourite food and Y/n's cooking was heavenly.

Even when his hunger was satiated, Alastor couldn't stop thinking about her. Something was definitely wrong with him. He kept think about her, her stupid smile and her jokes. The Radio Demon hadn't actually held many conversations with the girl but he had stalked observed her enough to know what kind of person she is.

Alastor knew her and yet, he craved for more. To not only be around her but to make her smile, genuinely smile, and to understand her.

Another two weeks went by and the horrible feeling of being watched only got worse. Now the spectator was even following Y/n into her room. She became more and more reserved, didn't even introduce herself when sir Pentious joined the hotel. Y/n started crying herself to sleep at night, she wished she was still alive with her family. She missed them.

Unconsciously she made her way to the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge. She was craving the food from her home and by chance she had just the right ingredients. Y/n put on her apron.

The Radio Demon was pacing around the room. Y/n hadn't been her usual charming self for the past week. She was quiet and always looking around. It made his gut wrench, what could she be so hung up about that she was crying herself to sleep?

Alastor's curiosity had grown to an obsession and he knew it. He didn't just want her to be happy, he needed her to be happy. When she wasn't, he was restless.

As the Radio Demon was weighing his options, a familiar scent attacked his nostrils. It gave him a moment of peace. He made his way down the stairs, following the smell like he was in a trance.

Someone was singing in the kitchen. He opened the door to find Y/n cooking and swaying to her own tune. For the first time in two weeks, Y/n had a smile on her face.

"And what are you cooking up at one in the morning?" Alastor looked over her shoulder. "You should be getting your beaty sleep, darling."

"I was just really craving it," Y/n explained after she got over the scare of him standing there all of a sudden. "I wasn't able to sleep."

"What are you making?"

"Just some Jambalaya." She lifted up the lid to show him. "I'm also preparing beignet's."

Alastor looked at the dough, which were waiting for the oil to heat up. "Louisianan?"

"Yeah, I'm from New Orleans." She lifted up one of the beignets and dropped it in the pan. "Learned from the best chefs in the city." The dough slowly turned a darker brown.

"That's such a coincidence! I grew up in Orleans too!" He took another whiff of the Jambalaya. "Mind if I join you?"

"If you set the table."

"It's a deal, my dear!" Alastor joked, even getting a chuckle out of the girl. The sound shot straight to his heart. Oh, how he wished his microphone had recorded it.

When the Jambalaya and the beignets were ready, the two sat down and ate VERY late dinner, or rather early breakfast. It was a surprisingly domestic scene. The two went along well.

"Yeah, I grew up in the big city too. Back then it looked a lot different though. It was overrun by secret speakeasies those were the days." He mused over the past.

"I wouldn't be able to imagine for those being illegal! Hey, what did you do to get send to hell?" Y/n so daringly asked. "I heard you were pretty powerful ever since you first got here."

"Oh well," Alastor blushed like a high school girl telling someone about their embarrassing crush, "I was a serial killer. Ate up my victims and threw their leftovers in the bayou."

Y/n spat out her drink. "Wait!" She screamed while coughing. "You are THAT Alastor. They teach about you in history classes!"

"Do they now? I suppose I was quite the man."

"I wouldn't say that," Y/n mumbled, "But it is impressive how you climbed up the ranks here in hell. I almost feel safe sitting around you." She looked at Alastor's widening smile again. "Almost."

"Why wouldn't you feel safe my dear?" Alastor questioned. "The Hazbin Hotel had both me and the princess of hell protecting it."

"I might sound... Crazy, but I feel like someone has been watching me." She looked down, even though she didn't feel the eyes on her right now. "I haven't been doing too well because of it."

The reason she hadn't been her usual self was because he was freaking her out. It all clicked now for the Radio Demon.

"Well then I have to apologise." Alastor used his shadows to move right behind her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You see, I have been keeping an eye on you. It was not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You have been stalking me?"

"No, no my dear. Just... Observing," the Alastor corrected her.

"Tomato tomato." Y/n looked up into his terrifying, red eyes. "And why has the infamous Radio Demon been stalking me?"

"Observing!"

"Just answer the question."

"..." He sighed, "I'm not too sure either. The only way I could describe it is you interest me."

"Well, next time you can just knock on my door. I prefer not to be watched during my cry sessions."

"Oh, but I loved hearing you sing when you thought no one was there."

The two started laughing, treating the stalkerish behaviours of Alastor as a joke.

"No but really, stop. It's creepy!"

"If the lady demands it."

The night went on long after the dinner was over. In a moment of confidence, Y/n implied that she was interested in seeing his radio tower and Alastor happily brought her there. She shuttered walking up the stairs into the little booth.

"Take a seat." Alastor pulled back the chair and when she sat down, scooted it up to the desk.

He started to explain what all the buttons and switches where for and how the antenna's send out radio waves or whatever. Y/n was only listening to half of it. The other half of her attention on Alastor's face. She had never realised how handsome the deer demon truly was. And his voice was incredibly soothing, at least for those who weren't scared of him.

His big eyes were beautiful and his wide smile was incredibly charming. Y/n's eyes drifted up to his head. His ears looked soft and fluffy, she wondered if she would ever get the chance to touch them. The antlers sticking out of his hair gave him a more manly appearance, contrasting the cute ears.

Y/n started leaning into him, getting incredibly close to his face.

"And these make sure tha-" Alastor immediately stopped talking when he turned his head and realised how close the two really were.

His nose was touching hers and he could feel her breath. Alastor's heart started pounding harder and harder, a slightly red blush decorated his face matching his attire and his eyes stared right into hers. He could only think about how beautiful she was.

Unconsciously he moved closer and closer and so did she. Until their lips touched. Y/n took this chance to deepen the kiss.

It lasted only a minute but to the two of them it felt like forever. They wished to keep going, however, they were unable to keep in their breath for that long.

As they pulled apart from one another, the realisation dawned on them. It was quiet.

They went back to their own room, neither of them dared to say a word. Perhaps it was just a fluke or perhaps this would grow out into more. Whatever Y/n was going to do about it could wait for tomorrow, it was 3 am after all and she was tired.

For the first time in weeks, Y/n fell asleep with a smile.

Masterlist/request guidelines

[obae-me]

I saw your post about the characters with a traumatized MC and the part about the angels made me start thinking about how they'd handle an MC who has religious trauma (because I thought that was where it was going in your post)

MC avoiding Simeon and Luke because everything related to heaven creeps them out (they're legit scared of angels, god, etc) and feeling way too comfortable living in the devildom and being around demons because they "always knew they were going to end up in hell when they died" because that's what was hammered into their head growing up or something

that would sure change the cast's views on human religion huh?

Yes, absolutely. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or just kept that brainworm tucked safely inside my skull, but I think about this a lot. Namely, because I have SO much religious trauma (yippie!).

I've thought a lot about how the Celestial Realm harbors a lot of the same toxicity that certain organized religions have the tendancy to exhibit here on good ol earth. I mean, we've seen some things in game that suggest that things aren't all rainbows and roses up there. The way that Luke talks early game suggests a lot. And so I'm sure a religiously traumatized MC would have SUCH a hard time around the angels at first. (I actually had my own reservations with the angels when they were first introduced and I even kind of disliked Luke a ton before I eventually took a step back and thought about the fact that he's just a BABY who is just spitting out ideals that were shoved into his head. It's not his fault, and I think his character development is something that the fandom does not address enough. I'm so proud of him!! Having your expectations of the world be broken and then having to relearn everything you thought you knew is actually SO hard.)

MC getting along well or feeling more comfortable with demons because they don't feel like they're being judged or under the watchful eyes of others.

MC talking about "not being as afraid to come back" VERY early on in game and the other characters taking WAY too long to realize they mean come to purgatory after they pass, and the demons themselves don't feel good about knowing that.

MC avoiding certain sins/pleasures/temptations due to the fear that's been embedded in them over it. Even if those things are COMPLETELY normal and harmless to enjoy.

All of the characters being extremely patient and understanding about this sort of thing and very slowly chipping away at certain stigmas they still hold onto, making the human feel safe while they do.

MC avoiding Simeon because of mixed feelings of shame and maybe a bit of resentment and then eventually learning that he's actually such a down to earth and sweet guy and spending more time with him just to learn that he's been in many similar situations is so...so good to think about. Learning that he'll never force certain ideologies onto them, that he doesn't see them as someone who needs to be "saved". A human and an angel sitting together and discussing what being "good" really means. Sharing confessions to each other that they've both held on their backs for such a long time because they've been too ashamed of themselves and confused to heal from it alone. They're not a sinner and a Saint, they're just normal people who make mistakes and want to do good in the world.

I do have many thoughts on this clearly...

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's Dual Cultivation Pact Date - Part 2

⚡Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a Date which hasn’t been released in EN yet!⚡

Proceed at your own risk, I guess? 😂 Although it's not that spicy but still, a warning is a warning 🤭

[Section 3]

A month had passed since I had "swept Shaw out the door," and he had not come back since.

He might also feel a bit embarrassed and angry.

MC: But you can't blame me for this; anyone who heard such words would… Villager: What did you say?

I realized that I had gotten distracted thinking about Shaw again, so I quickly cleared my throat and refocused my attention.

MC: It's nothing. You just said that there was evil energy surging under the mountain? Villager: That’s right! I don’t know what happened this time, but the formation barriers you set up don’t seem to have any effect!! Villager: Although Taoist Master Shaw doesn’t permit us to come to find you, we saw his condition and it was truly… MC: Shaw? What happened to him?

Startled, I interrupted him. The villagers were surprised to see me speaking so urgently and were taken aback, but they still answered honestly.

Villager: Wasn't it you who sent Master Shaw down the mountain to help us exorcize demons and spirits? There have been too many demons recently, and he has been busy running around everywhere. Villager: Perhaps it's because he's been working too hard. In the past month, Master Shaw's temper has become increasingly bad, and his methods for exorcizing demons have become more and more…

The villager hesitated, stammering as they began to speak.

Villager: It feels like... Master Shaw is showing signs of being possessed by demons. MC: ...possessed?!

Seeing me gasp, the villager began to sweat profusely, and their speech quickened.

Villager: We know that Master Shaw is a good person! But we're just afraid that if he starts treating people like this in the future… Villager: Ahem, what I mean is that we are worried about Taoist Master Shaw, so, that’s why we want to ask you to come out and help your disciple! Villager: If he really does something irreversible, it would tarnish the good name of Fairy MC! MC: ...I understand. MC: I'll handle the matter with Shaw. After you go down the mountain, instruct everyone not to go out today. Villager: Yes, I'll go right away!

The villager breathed a sigh of relief, thanked me profusely, and left.

I lowered my eyes and counted with my fingers.

MC: On the seventh day of the seventh month, when the yin energy is at its peak... It turns out it's already come to this.

I gathered my loose hair, secured it with a blue lotus Taoist crown, picked up my horsetail whisk, and headed out the door.

Demons' aura. A sky-high demonic presence.

The setting sun was like blood, with white bones hanging from withered branches, and ghostly flames mingling with cooking smoke.

The mortals had long since shut their doors tightly, afraid to speak carelessly. In the distant mountains, unknown creatures were making sharp, piercing cries.

After hiding away on the mountain for so long, I've almost forgotten that the outside world is actually like this purgatory.

MC: I really miss the old Qixi festivals... That was the true human scene.

I murmured in contemplation as I began to search for Shaw's presence.

The flower scent was wrapped in a heavy stench of blood, making it appear both gaudy and acrid.

MC: Shaw?

Soon, I caught the faint scent of familiar Tumi flowers near the abandoned cemetery in the southeast.

?.?: For every person you've harmed, I'll cut off one of your claws. It's actually a favor to you. ?.?: ...Regardless of whether you've done evil during this time, I find you displeasing now, so I want to eliminate you. Is that not allowed? ?.?: Want to beg for mercy now? It’s no use.

I couldn't make out what the demon was shouting, but Shaw's voice came through clearly from the graveyard, each sentence ending with a distinct note of pleasure.

In the next moment, a scream pierced the air, and the stench of blood grew even stronger.

My heart sank and I hurried over.

Boom— —

Thunder rumbled ominously, and flashes of lightning crisscrossed the sky. In the intermittent light, a tall, slender figure stood firmly in the center.

Around him are the remains of monsters and demons, and the young man stands amidst a sea of blood. At this moment, he does not seem like a righteous defender of justice, but more like…

Bloodthirsty demon.

...Shaw's cultivation has already reached its peak.

I watched the scene before me with my heart racing, almost stirring up some repressed impulse.

Shaw's God-striking Whip was swinging continuously in his hand, while a demon beast dodged left and right. In the end, it was struck by a bolt of lightning and was obliterated with a scream.

Shaw: I said it was useless, so why bother running?

Shaw's brows and eyes were full of exuberance, with a smile of extreme pleasure at the corner of his mouth, as he reveled in the brutal scene.

Shaw: I'm in a very bad mood this month. I can only say that you are unlucky and happened to meet me.

As he spoke, he took out the talisman and chanted the incantation.

[He recites an incantation here which is kinda hard to translate]

——He wants to summon the Five Gods of Thunder?! Just to annihilate these monsters?!

Without a moment's hesitation, I waved my whisk and immediately sealed the talisman he was about to ignite.

It was only then that he noticed my presence. In an instant, Shaw's gaze was more dazzling than lightning, nearly blinding me.

Shaw: .......You are finally willing to come. MC: ….Shaw!

I stretched out my hand towards him and spoke hastily.

MC: You can't kill anymore now, otherwise you will become a demon! MC: Come with me, I'll help you stabilize your Taoist mind!

Shaw stared at me intently, and after a while, he finally broke into a smile.

Shaw: Good.

Before he finished speaking, he fell forward.

I quickly teleported over to support him. Even through the layer of clothing, I could feel how intensely hot his body was.

MC: ….It can’t be delayed any longer.

I no longer hesitated and took Shaw to a broken house near the mass grave and began to set up formations for him.

Shaw [in pain]: Mm—

In the instant the light flared, a look of pain immediately appeared on Shaw's face.

MC: Is it difficult? Just bear with it a little longer…

Shaw [breathing heavily]: Not uncomfortable.

Shaw interrupted my words, breathing heavily.

Shaw [hesitantly]: I thought...I thought you didn't want to see me anymore

My breath caught, and I instinctively wanted to respond to the unspoken feelings before me.

However, Shaw's vibrant, living form and the red cinnabar symbols that had fallen around him reminded me of my true purpose for coming here.

MC: How could this be?

Another yellow talisman fell, and the dense array of runes bound Shaw, leaving him unable to move.

My fingers gently caressed his heaving chest and came to rest on his heart.

MC: You are my most precious furnace, why don’t I come to see you?

The light from the talisman illuminated the dim old house and also lit up my path.

A black crane perches on the hem of my skirt, its wings poised to fly.

—

[Section 4]

After Shaw heard what I said, a smile appeared on his lips.

Shaw [In a light voice + breathing heavily x1]: Fairy Xuanhe, you finally don’t want to pretend anymore? MC: The goal has already been achieved; why pretend?

I casually replied to him while drawing symbols, as if we were in my courtyard rather than this run-down house.

MC: I was surprised. When did you know about it? Shaw [x2]: Known it from the beginning.

My fingers paused. He raised his eyebrows at me triumphantly.

Shaw [x3]: Back then, Fairy Xuanhe, burdened with too much bloodshed, was hunted down by ten righteous paths and fell into these mountains. Shaw [x4]: After just three to five years, a Taoist priestess named MC suddenly appeared in the mountains. Shaw [x5]: With profound skills and a kind heart, they set up great formations to protect the safety and security of the people around them. Shaw [x6]: It's really... admirable.

Shaw’s breathing was rapid. Although he was clearly talking about me, his tone was so mocking, as if he were recounting someone else’s story. I felt a surge of irritation rise from the bottom of my heart and couldn't help but retort.

MC: So, you were sent by those idiots to test me?

Shaw [coldly]: Do they even deserve it?

Shaw sneered and raised his chin.

Shaw [whispers]: I just wanted to see you myself.

His gaze slowly moved from my brows, down to my nose, to my lips, to my throat... Finally, as if discovering something, it settled on my heart.

Shaw: .....No wonder you have been staying in that yard and refused to come out. MC: I didn’t refuse to come out. Shaw: In fact, you sealed yourself in that courtyard. MC: I didn't… Shaw: The demonic aura has long invaded your heart and mind; you are the one who has fallen into darkness. MC: I'm just about to become a demon!

I blurted out, my anger surging suddenly. I reached out forcefully, intending to strangle the man in front of me who was spouting nonsense.

However, as soon as my fingertips touched the blood vessels on his neck, they were immediately burned and recoiled.

The burning pain brought me back to clarity. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to calm my emotions.

MC: Shaw, I’m just... about to fall into darkness. MC: And with you as the furnace here, I can definitely dispel all the demonic aura.

Shaw's throat moved slightly as if he had finally realized something.

Shaw [surprised]: You want to practice dual cultivation with me...? MC: What else?

I chuckled and slowly stretched out my arms to hug Shaw from behind.

The intense yang energy filled Shaw’s robust body, like a flame that would never extinguish.

The robe was exceptionally loose after the battle, but with a casual flick, it fell into place.

My fingers measured every inch of his hot skin, and the wonderful touch made me addicted.

MC: Life is so joyful in the mortal world; I have no intention of falling into darkness. MC: Over the years, I have devoted myself to research and finally invented a method of harmonizing yin and yang.

Shaw clearly remembered the books he had borrowed. He raised an eyebrow and made an effort to turn his head to look at me.

Shaw: Because demonic energy is extremely yin, you're planning to find an extremely yang 'container' to balance it out. MC: That's right.

I turned my fingers and lifted Shaw's chin with a whisk.

This is the first time I've seen my... cauldron up close.

From this angle, I noticed his eyelashes were so long, his nose bridge so straight, and there was a thin layer of sweat at the corners of his brows, fine and dense.

MC: Shaw, you came to me of your own accord. MC: It is you who want to practice my techniques.

I silently executed the spell and infused the final incantation into Shaw’s dantian.

The fragrance of tea flowers instantly filled every corner of the room.

I know it's ripe.

Shaw, with no strength to resist, was pressed to the ground by me.

On the Qixi festival, the day of extreme yin, with the body of extreme yang, everything was perfect.

My breathing was even faster than Shaw's. The demonic energy that had been suppressed for a long time was no longer in shackles of the seal. It was jolting left and right in my body and was in desperate need of an outlet.

MC: I…

I was like a moth endlessly circling, instinctively drawn to an untouchable blaze, yet fleeing in panic just a second before being consumed by the flames.

For a moment, I even felt that the decision to practice dual cultivation was extremely stupid.

Because it was too hot and painful.

I bit my lower lip and gripped Shaw's shoulders almost with hatred, my nails drawing faint blood marks on his skin.

——Why? Why should I go through this?

As the Xuanhe Fairy, I have always wanted to live according to my true nature and have never harmed a mortal.

Before the demonic energy entered my body, I was said to be weird, rebellious, and unreasonable; after the demonic energy entered my body, I was said to be cruel and suspected of evil intentions.

These fools have also pinned some baseless charges on me and summoned ten righteous factions to kill me...

Why should I endure this!

Unconsciously, blood began to seep into my vision, and the smell of blood rising in my throat gradually overpowered the floral scent, filling my nostrils.

Shaw: MC, MC….! MC: What?

Shaw called my name several times before I woke up from my daze and looked at him blankly.

He was sweating all over, gritting his teeth, and obviously felt uncomfortable, but his golden eyes were still bright, reflecting only my figure.

Even though I was in a mess and my blue lotus Taoist crown was crooked.

Shaw [HIS HOARSE VOICE SOUNDED SO ASKFSGH x1]: MC, give me your breath. MC: ....Transfer Qi?

My mind was so dizzy that I didn't even understand what these two words meant. Shaw suppressed his breath and sneered.

Shaw [x2]: If you want to practice dual cultivation, of course you have to transfer your Qi.

Oh, indeed, the breath could also settle into the lower abdomen. I thought groggily as I leaned closer to Shaw's lips.

In the instant our breaths intertwined, I was pulled into a vortex named Shaw. 

His tongue entwined with mine, then released, only to forcefully invade again, exploring every corner of my mouth, sending shivers down my spine. 

This wasn't me giving him air at all; it was clearly... him taking it from me.

The sound of the rubbing of clothes mixed with my heartbeat, infinitely amplified in my ears, and the burning sensation that was originally painful to me gradually became less unbearable.

At this moment, it seems that the vigorous yang energy and the deep yin energy have finally found a point of resonance, beginning to tentatively merge.

My vision kept wavering, and the scene before me became a kaleidoscope of colors. The painful memories of the past gradually receded like a retreating tide.

By accident, my mind suddenly recalled a small incident when the evil energy had not poured into China and everything was still too peaceful.

That day seemed to be the Qixi festival. I was wandering in the market and met a young man.

The young man said he had someone he loved and asked me if I had any spells that could help him.

What happened next? Did I help him…?

Shaw [annoyed]: You're distracted. MC: I didn't…

All my words were swallowed up by him, and Shaw didn't want to listen to me at all.

He inexplicably began to refuse to cooperate, causing the yin and yang energy that had already been harmonized to change suddenly. I couldn't help but want to hide, but my waist was firmly held by him.

MC: This… This is not right…

I clutched the nearly shapeless talisman papers tightly and spoke intermittently.

MC [blushing]: It should be me… MC [blushing]: It should be me taking your original yang energy; this is the only solution. Otherwise, I...!

I whimpered briefly, the stimulation was too strong and I had nowhere to escape, I could only scream like a rogue.

MC [blushing]: You are my furnace, you must be willing to help me achieve success!

Shaw [breathing heavily + that low seductive voice of his x1]: Who says I'm not willing?

Hot sweat and Shaw's voice both fell into my ears, as he chuckled softly.

Shaw [x2]: I realized... that although you are a talented demon practitioner, you’re also quite foolish. Shaw [x3]: Why do you think I've been practicing your techniques all along?

It's too hot. My mind can no longer understand his words; I just shake my head, trying to escape, but Shaw won't let me.

His lips repeatedly kissed my earlobe, whispering in the closest proximity.

Shaw [x4]: As I said, I will do my best and risk everything I have for the person I like.

Every time Shaw said a word, I felt the violent demonic energy in my body fade a little—

He didn’t have his original yang energy taken by me; instead, he used his yang energy to completely eliminate the demonic energy.

MC: You... you changed my technique? Were you deceiving me?!

Shaw [x6]: Is that not acceptable? Shaw [x7]: Who told you to lie to me back then?

Shaw lifted me up forcefully as if to punish me, and I fell into his tender kisses.

Shaw [x8]: On that Qixi Festival, I told you I liked you and asked if there was a spell to make you like me too. How did you respond? MC: What?

Was that boy Shaw?

My memory doesn’t quite match up with this. Could it be that the years of demonic energy have damaged my mind?

I was speechless and couldn't explain anything. Shaw’s chest rumbled with laughter as he smiled.

Shaw [x9]: Forget it if you don’t remember. Anyway, I already got what I wanted.

After all, I was pulled into the whirlpool by him again.

In the midst of the chaos, I almost had the illusion that Shaw had risked even more than I had imagined.

No, it's not an illusion.

MC: Shaw. 

I reached out my hand and brushed away Shaw's messy hair, wanting to look into his eyes again.

—

📿 Call 1

📿 Call 2

[l1tw1ck]

A Fate Better Than Death

Simeon would rather die than to not have you

Bottom!FTM!Yandere Simeon x Top!Masc Reader

↳ [Event] | AFAB Language Used

CW: Non-Con Somnophilia, Mention of Murder, Slight Religious Themes, Belly Bulge, Riding, Cheating, Creampie

📝 W.C 717

Ever since you met, Simeon has been infatuated with you and was blessed with living in Purgatory Hall with you. He always comes to your room late at night just to watch you sleep.

At first, being around you and looking at you has been enough. But now it's the complete opposite. He's starting to want sinful things. To have you inside him, fuck him, use him, ruin him.

He craves you and he'd rather be shunned by the Archangel than to be without you. You're all he wants, needs, and deserves.

He hates that you're dating someone else, someone that isn't him, someone that shouldn't be alive. But that person doesn't matter to him, you're his. And if he has to take you back by force, then so be it.

You look peaceful as you're sleeping, completely unaware of the fact that an Angel is hovering over you and about to commit multiple sins.

He fingers himself desperately. "I love you~" He whispers into your ear on repeat, his voice soothing to your sleeping self.

Simeon quickly strips you down to nothing, he's already taken his clothes off minutes before. His hands caress your body before landing on your soft length. He gently wraps his fist around your cock, mimicking the way he touches his t-dick and watches in awe as it springs to life.

"Big.." He mumbles and hovers over your length. Simeon moves himself down, moaning when your tip penetrates him. The fact that he's sinning finally starts to sink in as he sinks down further on your cock. "Mmh~"

He presses his hand on his stomach, which is bulging from your size. "Finally.." He lets out a sharp breath. He lifts himself up experimentally and drops down, a loud moan leaving his lips. He hopes no one heard it. Simeon repeats that action over and over, bouncing shamelessly on your cock.

You wake up in a haze, barely able to process the fact that you're inside someone. You assume it's your boyfriend, [name], so you place your hands on Simeon's waist and take over.

Simeon's eyes and mouth are blown wide, loud wanton moans coming out that are sure to wake the others. But he doesn't care, your hands are on his body and he loves how warm they are. "Yes~! Yes~!"

"Fuckin' slut.." You murmur, a smirk on your face and you still fail to realize who it really is.

Simeon gasps and squirts, immensely turned on by being degraded. He's never had an orgasm before, especially one so strong.

You don't stop, selfishly chasing your orgasm. Simeon throws his head back as you use him like a doll, crying out in pleasure as he feels your cock twitch inside him.

You fuck into him for the last few times before spilling your cum inside him.

After coming down from your high, you realize that you're not fucking your boyfriend. "Simeon?!" You whisper yell, letting go of him.

"More please~! I want more~!" He begs.

"No- I- I have a boyfriend, you-" You get interrupted by his hands wrapping around your throat. He goes back riding you, moaning angelically despite his actions being anything but.

"Ah~! Feels so good~!" He grins.

It might be due to your lightheadedness, or that he's just gorgeous, but you can't help but find yourself enchanted with him. You start to forget about your boyfriend entirely.

"Simeon-" You choke out.

He moans your name in return, loosening his grip on your neck. You bring your hands back to his waist and flip him onto his back. You fuck into him roughly, all morals thrown out the window.

"Yes~! Harder~!" He exclaims. "Oh God~!"

"You're a whore–" You groan. "Slutty little whore of an angel."

He rolls his eyes back, a grin on his face. "I'm a whore~!" His wings pop out, the ends singed and about to turn to ashes.

You hold the end of his wing, causing the burning to increase and move down. "Are you even an angel anymore?" You mock.

Simeon shakes his head. "'M yours!"

You chuckle. "Maybe I'll be yours too." You slow down, coming inside him for the second time.

He blocks out the word 'Maybe', a euphoric grin on his face.

"Mine.." He mumbles as his wings disintegrate into nothing.

[thevioletcaptain]

Day two of the @spnficrecfest is all about kink!

Given that Dean has several established kinks in canon, I've decided to list one fic for each! Which kinks in particular? I'm talking cowboys, tentacles, satiny panties, doctors, and being dominated by his partners -- whether that means being slapped around, or just being given some sexy rules to follow.

Some of these fics are set in the canon universe and some are AU, but all of them feature or explore some aspect of one of Dean's canonically established kinks. Enjoy!

boy leave your boots by the bed by an_ardent_rain Explicit | 9.8k | 🤠

I've had this fic on my to-read list since it was published last September, and I'm so mad at myself for leaving it so long. It's post-canon, set in the open-world Heaven 2.0 that Jack and Cas made, and Dean's cowboy kink not only features heavily throughout, it also serves a catalyst for change in Dean and Cas' relationship. It's hot and sweet in equal measure, and just a really beautifully written fic.

Dean and Castiel's Lagoon of Love by almaasi Explicit | 12.5k | 🐙

This one is described by the author as "Tentacle Porn For People Who Don't Usually Enjoy Tentacle Porn." While I can't speak to how true that might be, this enjoyer of tentacles had a great time. Set in an alternate canon where Cas remained human, the fic opens with Team Free Will arriving back at the bunker after a witch turned Cas into an octopus from the waist down. Dean's desire to have him act out the story of "Sweet Princess Asuka Meets the Tentacles of Pleasure" cannot be repressed, and Cas is more than willing to play along. Just normal boy bestie things!

Satin and Sawdust by Ltleflrt Explicit | 159k | 🩲

If you haven't already read Satin and Sawdust, let this be the day you check it out -- and if you have already read it, here's a sign that it's time to read it again. For the uninitiated, this AU is a rare treat in which Cas is the one having a sexuality crisis, all thanks to his neighbor (and handyman) Dean, whose low-riding waistband and extensive collection of lacy underwear is rapidly driving him out of his mind. It's been a while since I read this fic, but I was just thinking of it earlier this week, so it's definitely time to dive back in. (Side note, the fact that I can't change the color of the underwear emoji is an attack on my freedom of expression or whatever.)

Gimme the News by robotsnchicks Explicit | 1.9k | 🥼

This AU oneshot leans into Dean's medical kink, as he goes to see Doctor!Cas about a potentially "lost" sex toy, and requests a thorough examination. It's tightly written, packing plenty into 1,960 words, and also has some really great characterization -- from Dean's blend of humor and horniness to Cas' exasperation... and horniness. If you're worried about potential dubcon, check the author's end notes for some spoilers left out of the main fic tags :)

dying to let you know by bisexualsage Explicit | 4.7k | 🙇‍♂️

One of my absolute favorite things is when authors use kink as a vehicle for character exploration, and this established relationship post-canon ficlet delivers -- digging into why both Dean and Cas enjoy the dynamics they've found themselves playing out in the bedroom. This fic does have a dash of daddy kink, so beware of that if it's a squick!

Check under the cut for links to all of the rec lists I make for this fest! I'll update with new links as I post them :)

Day One - Purgatory Era Day Two - Dean's Canon Kinks Day Three - Long Fics Day Four - Alternate Universes Day Five - Rare Pairs Day Six - Case Fics Day Seven - Tropes Day Eight - Gen Fics Day Nine - Vintage Fics Day Ten - Coda Fics Day Eleven - Mystery List

[dearestspirit]

a note heard in heaven - 06

mizu x fem!reader | au based on the film the handmaiden | word count: 11,078 | warnings: mdni. this series will contain sexual and dark themes, including: abuse, sex, sexual assault/harrasment, period typical misogyny, murder, allusions to suicide, and period typical stigmas against mental health.

series masterlist | previous part | next part

a/n: beginning note for context: most of this chapter is within the context of the reader going through memories of their childhood, meeting mizu, and previous events of the story that happened with mizu, but moreso from the reader's perspective. also, it has the brunt of the tagged topics (abuse, suicide) but i tried my best at writing things with only as much detail as i thought they needed to have to advance the plot. take care and enjoy!

You’ve lived in this manor for a long time. From crying child to complacent adult, most of your memories are within the walls of the estate. Purgatorial fog covered the recollections of your haunted youth– knowing you were raised purely to be what you are now. A well; to be dipped into, whether it be for money or pleasure. To receive nothing in return. Nothing good, at least. No matter how far you go from that place, you’ll still flinch when you think of it. It’s why, even in the back of the carriage as you and Taigen are leaving the asylum, you grow distant. Strings of what used to be lingering fuzzily in your mind, as if the fear wants to eat away at you.

Just like it did when you were a child.

In that same dreary library, attending your reading lessons even then, that’s where horror first began its feast with you. It’s where you’d first hear the words ‘bitch’ from your eventual fiance. Where he had first met your skin with bruising metal beads. Your hands, your knuckles. They had stayed painfully red for weeks. He’d tell you to remember it. He’d tie the metal beads to the obi around your waist. Really burn it into your mind for any time after that you wanted to act out. What part of you had fear gulped into its belly then? And what part did it chew on when you were given your own bedroom, away from your dear aunt?

Madam Kaji had told you a tall tale that night. Your new room suffocated in deep shadows, curtains drawn to dim the glow of the moonlight. You remember begging her to light a candle in your room. Desperately, because while you knew you couldn’t ask for two, you might have a chance at one. Just one light to protect you. Any sense of security or safety in this place was scarce– so much so that you weren’t even surprised when the older woman sneered down at you, refusing. That doll you owned– the one you seemingly carried with you everywhere– was the only semblance of warmth you ever felt here. She crouched down, level with your eyesight. Pointing her lantern towards the door, she spoke in a hushed tone, telling you all about the ogre who’d burst into your room if it heard you scream or cry. How it’d smother you until you could no longer manage to make even a whisper of a sound. You thought you heard the now familiar sound of a stomach growling.

Until your aunt came through that very door, spooking both you and Madam Kaji.

She had tsked, shaking her head. “Don’t be scaring little ones like that.”

Her pointed glare towards the elder woman was obvious as she used her own candle to light your lamp, which had eased your fears at least a little. You remember her to have always been that kind. Always looking out for you, in a world where nobody else was. The first person to make you feel like maybe you did belong. That despite whatever horrific paths you’d find yourself on, you weren’t entirely alone. But those heartfelt moments grew to be few and far between through the interference of your eventual fiance. Short lived too, washing down the drain alongside what fragments of faith you had left. That man had doled out cruelty and punishments equally between you and your aunt, snuffing out any sense of joy in your lives.

You had learned a lot from the woman, regardless.

Like when she told you to hold out your hands, dropping a photo of your mother into your outstretched palms. Did you know, decades later, you’d be asking the same question she had?

“And me? Everybody says I don’t compare to my big sister.” She spoke with her head turned, displaying her side profile.

You must’ve spent hours looking at that picture after that. You never knew her, the only testament to her as a person being the stories passed down from your aunt. Tracing a finger down the slope of her nose, then your own. Perhaps you’d never compare, either. Not like it mattered, when every step of your life was decided for you. You wouldn’t have to compare, you would just have to exist. No desires, no grudges. No mind to dwell on the truth of your life. Just pieces of a blank slate hastily kept together by the desperation of the people around you greedily trying to take your wealth.

Despite any punishment, you’d still act out any way you could. You’d giggle and point at the dirty words and pictures in those books you were forced to read during your lessons. When your aunt would point and verbalize the parts of the human body across from your eventual fiance, you were to repeat them. You’d chuckle as she’d point out the lower areas– noticing the displeasure on the man’s face. He’d descend upon you and your aunt quickly, leaving you teary eyed and frowning.

It wasn’t long after that that you found out what a mental hospital was. The threats to send you away to one of them were frequent, becoming a little more real each time you acted out. You had been told that this sort of hysteria was typical in the women of your family– he had side-eyed your aunt at that particular comment– and that it’d do you good to get your lunacy treated. That they’d bury you into the depths of cold soil. Cover it up until you ‘improved’, after which you’d become a fucking dog to them. Leashed. Detailing the frightening ways these hospitals would treat their patients, it made your aunt start running. She had made a desperate attempt to get out of the library before that lever was pulled and the gate had shut in her face, much like it did to Mizu when she first tried to get in.

You wished you were brave enough to try.

You watched your aunt slowly grow sicker. Older now, and able to reminisce, you now knew the cause of that sickness. Those fucking readings he’d make her do during his bidding sessions. To an audience of men, delighting in a well put together woman voicing off lewd words. When he’d make her read the story of women getting defiled, smoking men gathered on the steps to view her. They’d have their own cushions and tables, treated with the highest regard to further his own influence among these sadistic individuals. At the end of it all one man would go home with the crass material, and your fiance would be even richer. You’d watch with a heavy heart from the doorway of the library as she finished up, dabbing at her cheeks with a folded handkerchief. That smile she gave to you– deeper with pity and sympathy than you could describe at the time.

When she’s found dead the next day, you think she took with you the last scrap of hope you had left. Her body swayed from the branch of that cherry tree outside your window. A servant had swiftly carried you away, trying to tear your eyes away from the gruesome scene.

You visited that tree often. Thinking of your aunt protecting you, as best she could, from the harsh realities of the world you lived in. Something about you swears those flowers bloomed even more beautifully– their hue a vibrant pink, fragrant and sweet. Your aunt’s soul in a rush of floral glory. Arms above your head, you’d let yourself feel the breeze and swing just like she did.

What acts of defiance did you have left in you?

Exhaustion buckled you into silent submission.

The estate grew with you, over time. Adulthood made little change in you, but the manor morphed beyond itself. Renovations to the library changed its appearance, now seeming more opulent. Pools of clear water embedded in the tatami floor, bonsai trees, and sections of pure white sand adorned with rocks adding a scenic flair to the room. Despite all the change, you were still just as terrified of the library as you used to be. The death of your aunt was nothing to your now fiance– the ‘proposal’, if you could call it that, happened shortly after– his only concern was those books of his. Eventually, he had replaced your aunt with… you.

In your heart, you know that your aunt’s most profound regret was that she could not save you from him.

Candlelight lit the room, your hushed voice rolling through like a fog. Crude details of sex falling on perverted ears. Bondage, whips. The faces of your listeners staring into you, hanging onto every syllable you speak. Their legs begin to tremble the more you delve into the story, the peak imminent. A new man you’ve never seen before sits proudly. Not as jittery or obvious as the others, though his eyes are just as intense.

The Count. You know him now. His ulterior motives, too. In your memories, that’s apparent in hindsight. The intense look in his eye is not that of perversion, but rather, trickery.

Your performance continued that night. Men had begun to fan themselves, fidgeting. With the last word having been read, you watched your fiance stand, describing the origins of the book and how he’d gotten his hands on it. Aristocratic nonsense that’d bore you to death. The Count had chimed in to the conversation, striking a nerve within your fiance as you see him light up at whatever he said. Mentioning an author by name, you assume. The book is flipped around to the audience to show the one problem.

An illustration, torn from its place. Only the hint of it remains in the ripped edge still holding onto its bindings.

“Before the bidding starts,” His hand waves over to you, gesturing for everyone to gaze your way. “We’ll have a demonstration.”

You’d be disrobed of the extravagant kimono you had on to reveal a lighter one underneath. With the pulling of a few levers, a wooden mannequin with maneuverable limbs would be lowered from the ceiling, coming to rest in front of you. Removing the pins from your hair as you let it down, you’d have to straddle the puppet’s legs, your own obi wrapped around its waist. You’d be bound to it, this way. An unfortunately visceral feeling of eyes crawling on whatever inch of skin they could see made your mouth dry, you remember. Your fiance would set up all the ropes on the model, it eventually coming to be hoisted in the air, you still secured in its lap. Below you, you could faintly make out the image of the many men leaning forward in their seats, as if to study your form. Leaning backwards to imitate the position you’d read out earlier, you could feel your stomach begin to turn. Your mind had grown fuzzy after that, barely perceiving the suggestive speech going on about you.

Your next clear memory of that night was of you sneaking your way through the manor. Many shortcuts were riddled throughout the strange architecture. Above the library was a particular wall. From your side, you were able to slide it aside and peer into the room below. Convenient, when you wanted to catch your fiance’s wrongdoings. Sat at one of the tables was The Count, carefully replicating an illustration from a book. A forgery. Yet their discussion landed at the one topic you expected; women, and particularly which women The Count figured he could successfully lay with during his time at the manor.

He clicked his tongue. “There is… only one who would refuse me here.”

“Madam Kaji?” Your fiance raised a brow at that.

“Your former wife who you still share a bed with?” The Count scoffed. “She’d come to my door in an instant if I showed her the right attention.”

“Then who?”

“The lady…” At his words, you peered through the slots in the wall as best you could. Anticipating his next sentence with great anxiety. “She didn’t look away when she saw me. Even if I were to meet her tonight… I couldn’t. Her body is cold, and her eyes… they have nothing. I’m certain her soul is dead inside. Go easy on her.”

You had gulped at that, slumping back a bit as the two began smoking together. At that time, your fiance had just laughed at the implications of The Count’s statement.

You found out soon after that that The Count had offered himself up to give you painting lessons; something he claimed was expected of all the ladies he met in England, where he had studied. Your fiance had insisted on the two of you sharing a meal with him. A gesture of kindness he bestowed only to those like-minded to him. You were never very lucky in receiving any sort of grace from him. When he was ushered away by a servant to take care of some important matter, The Count leaned on his elbows towards you.

“He will only be gone for a little while,” He said, eyes fixed on you despite their brief glance to where your fiance had run off to. “There’s something I’ve come to discuss with you about your future. You’ll see me waiting by the stone lamp at nightfall.”

For some reason, you had decided just this once to see. Your life had been vapid and essentially pointless after your aunt had passed– your handmaidens were not kind to you, Madam Kaji was too busy to entirely get along with you, and your fiance… well, you didn’t want him to like you to begin with. It didn’t surprise you that, after going so long without it, the tiniest glimmer of hope made your chest feel like it was bursting as you waited for midnight to come. You had sent your handmaiden away, off to some other wing of the estate so she wouldn’t be privy to whatever The Count wanted to tell you. After you heard her footsteps depart, you took a peek past the curtain of your window.

And there he stood, cigarette lit in his hands gazing back up at you. Eventually he had sauntered off out of your eyesight, but you could guess where he was going. Only minutes later was there a knock at your door.

“I’m not looking forward to having rumors spread about the two of us,” You spoke through the door, guarded. Your doll sat comfortably in your arms. “What do you want?”

“Look, it was really hard getting here,” He sneered. “I don’t need any of your princess sass. I’m the son of a farmhand, and I’ve spent a long time trying to get the skills to meet you. Bookmaking, forgeries. I came here to attract you, get rid of you, and take your money, but…”

He briefly trailed off, leaving you to wonder why. He cleared his throat after some contemplation, continuing.

“I don’t think I’m the type who would be able to seduce you, to put it in plain terms.”

You had snorted at that, opening the door. “You’d be right.”

The man had then allowed himself into your room. “So, I’ve thought of a new deal. In exchange for about,” He makes a motion with his hand to imply he’s thinking. “Half of your fortune, it can be a rescue operation. We get married, I take you far away, we split the money.”

“That’s not going to work.”

“So you rather marry that old pervert and stay here than even try?” He asked.

“I’m not going to marry anyone.” You seethed, backing away from him as you let your words sink in.

“And what of your wealth if you simply die like that? It’ll all go to him and he’ll just repeat the process from the beginning.” While he makes a good point, you can’t shake the years of trained fear of your fiance.

“He’ll… he’ll follow us,” You’ve started to quiver, securing your arms tighter around your doll. “The basement. He’ll put us in the basement.”

“What?”

You take a deep breath, eyes becoming distant. “After my aunt passed, I read in a book that there are certain things that happen to the body after being hanged. However, when I saw her body… none of the signs were there. When I asked my fiance about it, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere nice. He pulled up some of the tatami mats from the floor, leading me down a staircase.”

Even now, you could never forget the chill that seeped through your sock clad feet descending those stairs. How his words sunk in, that what had happened to your aunt was a consequence. A punishment for an attempted escape. The purpose of this room became more than clear to you; the variety of strange tools and objects. A lot of things that your mind couldn’t parse at the time. Your head throbbed at the lack of light, the underground room feeling like it was closing in on you.

A shiver courses through you. “I will never go back there again.”

The Count nods after hearing you recount your experience, exhaling noisily and rubbing his chin. “This,” He held up a small vial of an unknown liquid. “Is opium. If he ever gets a hold of you again, you can drink all of it and be dead within minutes.”

In your panic addled state, you grabbed for it eagerly. Before you could get a hold of it, he had swiped it out of reach.

“Not yet. It’ll be a wedding gift,” He huffs, shaking his head. “Quite a grim one, at that…”

Your annoyance was clear as you rolled your eyes, willing the prick of tears to go away. In that moment you knew you had to try. If your aunt could not save you, then you would save yourself.

“Then…” You wandered over to the windowsill, taking a seat on it. “Bring someone to be my handmaiden. We can send her to a madhouse under my name. I want… I want my name to be buried there. ‘I’ won’t exist after that.”

He agreed. Especially considering the plan to get rid of your current handmaiden would be to bed her. The repercussion of which would be Madam Kaji kicking her out, of course. With her commitment to routine and keeping everything in order, it’d be the very next day that your new handmaiden arrived.

Mizu.

Unbeknownst to most people– maybe your aunt or fiance had known, you weren’t sure– that spot on your door was a peephole, facing outwards into the handmaiden’s quarters. You watched Mizu fumble with her luggage, placing it away and out of sight. In a move that shocks you, she hesitantly slid the screen to your room over, peering inside. When you looked back, you saw how the lump of your blankets on the bed slightly resembles your figure. As if you were laying there, unaware of Mizu’s presence. Gently, you thud your doll against your door, spooking Mizu into shutting the door and scrambling into bed.

“Fuck.” You heard her whisper.

Your grin widens.

Mizu is exactly what you had asked for from Taigen; a foolish girl who wouldn’t know any better. But… isn’t that exactly what she thought of you, too? You knew it, by the way she looked at you with those sad eyes when you had screamed for your mother, faking a nightmare. A bit of a dirty trick to play on her first night, you admit. Even so, that didn’t stop you from being amused at the charade of it all. Taigen had suggested that you show off all your fancy belongings to her– every finely made kimono, the glamorous jewelry. Her awkwardness was more than obvious. The fact that she had never come face to face with such expansive amounts of wealth was clear every time her blue eyes widened or lit up at the various items you showed her. She… was endearing, actually.

So much so that when you found out about the other servants stealing her shoe, it genuinely enraged you. Something you hadn’t felt for a long time. Most of your emotions had boiled down to dull nothingness after years of complacency. You found little value in feeling anger, much less expressing it. With your servants lined up in front of you, you’re sure they too could sense the unease in the air. Arms crossed tightly, you stared them down.

“Which one of you took her shoe?”

At the far end, one of the servant girls is quick to bow on the ground, tears in her eyes. She must’ve known it was better for her to concede, confessing her guilt rather than letting the information reach Madam Kaji. You nodded, feeling at least a little relief she had done so.

“If she ever runs because of something any of you do to her, I will personally throw you out myself,” You sigh. “Fuck.”

You had some inkling of an idea back then, that your feelings for her were already… complicated. Those moments you had felt her eyes on you– piercing, with heavy lids, just watching you– you couldn’t suppress the thrill you felt. Taigen had told you a little bit about her. How she had grown up poor and mostly went back and forth between either the woman who took her in or that elderly man she trained under for some time. You knew her to be strong, capable. Though, she was a bit like you, wasn’t she? Not very well acquainted with the art of social skills. She certainly didn’t know much about the way of nobles like you, so her suspecting you as being just as conniving as her was unlikely. You had never felt close to someone like this, at least not someone your own age. Other handmaidens would often cower before you, not because you had specifically done anything to them, but because of Madam Kaji’s strict standards. Mizu, though? She filled your time with genuine conversation and laughter. Maybe not the most smiles because she wasn’t exactly one to outwardly express herself, but that slight upturn of the edge of her lips– you could’ve kissed her the first time you saw it. Her entire face deserved the downpour of kisses you wished to give it. Forehead, eyebrows, the lids covering her striking eyes that didn’t scare you, cheeks, the tip of her nose often reddened by the cold rainy weather, lips, chin. You truly did think of her, late at night when your back would hit the cushioned softness of your mattress.

That bath didn’t help either. Absent-mindedly, you find your tongue running over the tooth she had smoothed down. Hoping to quell how much you missed her with whatever faint trace of metal that thimble had left behind. Hoping that, if your taste buds found that metallic tang, it could calm the way your heart pounded.

It came to be a fond memory of yours– how she had so gingerly taken your face in her hands. The pads of her fingers were calloused, rough on your own skin. You desperately wished there had been no thimble barring you from feeling her thumb trace across your teeth, your tongue. If she had asked you, you would’ve gladly closed your lips around her. Hers was a painless authority– your obedience to her was not beaten into you. You supposed… you just liked her. That notion of you being hers, and her being yours? A thread of a thought that you could barely unravel before you watch her eyes trail down your body. With how bright they are, it’s impossible to not notice the way her pupils dilate, especially when you see her throat bob as her eyesight aligns with your breasts. You had seen many, many men with wandering eyes. Impolite, sleazy gazes that made you squirm in discomfort. You wonder if her staring was a result of arousal, too? Mizu was unlike them, though. While her thoughts may have been impure, her hands stayed only where you asked them to. Never seeking out more than you wished to give. However, you craved for her to keep looking. There was almost a pained whimper from you as she peeled away, removing her thumb from your mouth. How easy would it be to grasp her wrist, drag her hand down your body until she was rolling her fingers over your most sensitive parts?

“Go ahead and finish washing.” You notice the way her voice had lowered, gotten huskier.

She sits with her back to the tub, arms crossing tensely. Behind her, you could make out the visible red tint speckled across the tops of her ears. To you, the silence is comfortable, but you’re sure that it’s agony to Mizu. Smiling, you hoist yourself to your knees, taking two movements to situate yourself behind her.

“Mizu?” Your voice is breathy, right next to her ear, that gets even redder.

“What?” She snaps at you a bit, but you pay it no mind.

“Do you want to come in, too?” If you didn’t feel it would push the limits, you would’ve planted a kiss right behind her ear.

Another on her neck below it. She’s frozen, not answering you while she’s deep in thought. Probably weighing her odds– would this be something you’d go running to Madam Kaji about if she said yes? You knew you wouldn’t, but you’re not sure how to assuage those doubts in her. Mizu turns to you, a smirk on her face that sends an arrow through your heart.

She leans in close, barely space between you two at this point. “Maybe next time, princess.”

The likelihood of you falling in love with her increased tenfold after that. Even as Taigen had told you to occupy all her time, to ensure that she thinks you’re falling in love with him at a snail’s pace. As if you’d fall in love with him at all, you wanted to scoff.

You couldn’t. You were on a nosedive, falling hard for the girl he had sent to be your servant. The one you were supposed to send away. Her presence now burnt into every joyous moment you could think of. Dinner, where Taigen had called you breathtakingly beautiful. A brief flash in your mind compared to how Mizu’s body had engulfed the rest of your memory. Dressing her, giving her those earrings to wear, having her look like a noble lady in front of you. Removing every garment one by one, too. Despite the glove in between, letting your hand follow the dips of her shoulder blades. Laughing with her after your painting lessons, or on that walk where she had cradled you so kindly. Having been deprived of true affection and feeling her palms against your cheeks as she talked you out of those bleak thoughts.

It was companionship.

When you thought of how this scheme was going, the way Mizu would never be yours if it came to fruition– you could barely fathom it. Finally, here is what you think you were made for. A woman who you would do anything to call your own, but with her came that cruel twist of fate that this would be it for you two. How hellish that you’d have to put up with Taigen’s grabby hands and crude remarks for the entirety of it, too?

That day it had rained, with the two of you back at the estate waiting for Mizu to return was one such occurrence. You had slapped his hand away from your arm, eyes going wide with annoyance.

“Ugh, you men are so simple.” You mumble.

“What?” Taigen snorts. “I’m just playing around. Your fiance’s making you read too many of those books, hm? I’m not after your body, only your money.”

He had pinched your cheek, your arm, and then your ass, which you fiercely swat away.

Mizu had gone stomping around the manor, you being unaware that she had seen Taigen so boldly touching you. You had seen her in the night, sitting straight up and sighing. Her anger was so freely expressed in those eyes of hers. When she looked Taigen’s way, her hatred of him was unmistakable.

At this point, yours probably was too.

Sitting on that rock in the forest, nearly in his lap, you had told him as much. He had insisted the two of you had to make the proposal believable. Mizu would have to see the two of you tangled together in order to truly think you had accepted. You had reluctantly agreed, though the nausea in your belly wasn’t soothed at all. He had made a comment to pretend he was that wooden mannequin, and he’d pretend you were another woman as well.

You didn’t want him to be the mannequin.

You wanted him to be Mizu.

Balanced in her lap, letting her cup your thighs in her hands. Fingers tracing upwards, creating a path of flames that licked deep into your bones. Her mouth on yours, frantic and frenzied with desire, the absolute need to be close to each other. You needed to be close to her because you loved her. In all your convoluted years of living, for once, laying with her, you had felt that first twinge of simultaneous fulfillment and heartbreak. Your heart, beating once, fed itself full on the fantasy of being together with Mizu. Beating once more, it collapsed when you heard her distressed cry for you, rooted to her spot in the forest as she saw you kissing Taigen.

With all the pain in her voice, the slight watery quality to her eyes, you could’ve never guessed that she too, was shattering.

A cool breeze wafted through the library, chilling your skin. You cleared your throat, watching all the men in attendance for tonight’s bidding settle into their spots. Taigen, of course, is there too. The story laid out in front of you made you pause, knowing its contents by the title alone after having practiced it for so long.

Depicted in the erotic tale was a relationship between two women. Describing how one of them was given a small box– four small silver bells contained within. A gift for her and her lover. As you read aloud, you notice the room growing dimmer. Regardless of the candlelight fading, you were able to continue. The two women would take two bells inside of them. Legs parted and meeting each other in the middle, the melodic notes would ring as they moved against each other. Tongue wetting your dry lips, you try to keep your focus on your speech. The illustration portrayed in the book below has you nearly tripping over your words, a momentary glimpse of it recalling Mizu to mind. To feel her, no bothersome fabric blocking you from her bare skin. To willingly allow yourself that vulnerability with her. Feeling her weight, her heat, the bumps of scars littered across her skin that you wanted to kiss, wanting to take away every ill thought she may have ever had. Feel the roughness of her hands finding every part of you with curiosity and desire, no trace of malice or greed.

Abruptly, applause rang out in the darkened room. You had barely even noticed that you finished reading.

Even dabbing at your heated skin with that folded handkerchief, you couldn’t shake those thoughts of Mizu away.

Your nerves had gone cold once darkness fully encompassed the estate. Were you even sure of how you got here? Mizu, hovering over you, eyes set on the rise and fall of your bare chest.

“If he sees you like this…” She’s mumbling, so rapidly you can barely make out what she said.

In seconds, she’s descended onto you, her tongue circling around your nipple. You can feel the way her hand slides to your side, nails dipping into your tender skin. A futile attempt for her to cling onto what little restraint she has left. You know she probably thinks of you as something dainty, easily broken if treated haphazardly. Bite. You wanted to tell her. Mark you so even when the two of you were no longer, you could trail over the scarred teeth marks. Bruise. Let you see the way her love erupts across you, let her pour every ounce of unabashed need into them. Rather, her lips close around you in a languid suck, dragging an open-mouthed gasp from your throat. On impulse, your fingers card their way through her hair, pulling while you try to hold onto the last shreds of your stability. You can feel her chest rumble against your abdomen right before she’s planting wet kisses against you. She travels up your body, following the natural contours of your shape until she reaches your chin. Pulling back, she looks down at you. Her eyes, somehow even brighter than the moonlight, cause your lips to part. Mizu’s beautiful. You could see her like this every night. Every hour, and still not tire of it.

Tears dot along your lower lids, partially out of pleasure as she teases her fingers around your nipple, but also out of an indescribable anguish. Mizu was not an easy woman to read. With you two playing the roles of blushing virgin and warm mentor, did this mean anything to her? Was it only because you asked her to show you how The Count would touch you, a thinly veiled attempt to seduce her? She handled you with such a sweet touch,it was hard to think that maybe it was nothing special to her.

“Will he be this gentle, too?” You asked, noticing the rasp in your own voice.

“How could he not?” Her lips are so close, tickling your jaw right below your ear. “He’ll do this, too…”

You’re lost in a heady daze of lust as you feel her fingers creep along your calf to reach the hem of your clothing. You’d let her tear it apart if it meant her touching you even a second sooner. She pauses, not moving further until you hurriedly nod, burying your face in her shoulder. The fabric of your robe slips off you with her movements, bunching up under you. As her fingers dive deep below, gliding circles over your clit, you breathe out a wanton laugh. Finally. Mizu was here, touching you, it was meant to be like this. Clutching at her arms, pulling down the straps of her underclothes to rid her of them, you think you could die. What a precious woman to have above you, clawing lines into your sides that’ll unfortunately inevitably fade. Your fingers follow their path, wanting to imprint them upon your consciousness forever.

“Keep showing me,” You can barely speak, muttering. “Do it like The Count would.”

Briefly pausing the journey of her tongue down the dips of your thighs, she nods against you, huffing out a near mindless ‘uh-huh’. Traveling upwards from the inner crease of your knee, she licks a stripe up your thighs, her hot panting warming the cool trails of saliva.

“The Count will tell you that you’re soft, warm, and…” She’s grabbing your legs, putting your feet flat on the mattress with your knees raised and spread. Her head knocks against you as she leans, eyelids fluttering when she gazes at your center. “Breathtakingly beautiful.”

You’ve raised yourself up to your elbows at this point. Her hair tie had come loose, dark locks flowing down past her shoulders. With the moonlight bathing her in a halo, you wanted to tell her. Tell her she’s an angel. Beg for her to not leave you, as pathetic as it’d make you look. Anything to make it so that just the two of you could exist together, you didn’t care where. You’d put up with every disgusting pervert in the world if it meant she stayed by you. If, at the end of the night, you could have her slip into your bed– whether your bodies met in a flurry of excitement or not, you wanted her there.

Her hesitance, though, was noticeable. While you enjoyed the stroke of her palms against your thighs, you worried if she had any intention to do this– to want this. You swipe a thumb over her cheekbone, startling her as her irises dart to you. There’s an emotion you couldn’t quite discern in them. In hindsight, you recognize it as the same way you’ve looked at her all this time.

Lovesickness.

Petting at her hair, you smile down at her. “Would The Count be staring like this, too?”

“Sorry,” The breath of her laugh washes over you. “He would.”

With her apprehension seemingly gone, she presses a chaste kiss to your clit– so charming of her it makes you whine. Her eagerness is shoddily hidden behind her subtle actions, tongue rolling over you in leisure strokes. But her hands, gripping onto the outside of your thighs to hold you down, are shaking. It’s less like she’s keeping you steady and instead trying to maintain her own sanity. The tentative lapping had soon turned more confident, Mizu becoming more assured each time you moaned or gasped. Greedily trying to push your hips up, you feel Mizu’s palms flatten over you, exerting enough force to keep your lower body grounded to the mattress. Still, in at least some way to satisfy you, she speeds the movements of her tongue, the rhythmic patterns it traces over your clit. Her eyes flutter open to peer up at you. You can practically feel her smile into your cunt as you uselessly try to halt the wobble of your thighs. Your head buzzes with the way her noisy slurping echoes in your ears, the way you feel like your very fucking existence is driven down to this singular point of your arousal, the way the tip of her tongue dips shallowly into you. She hardly ever pauses, the rumbling of her groans and heavy breaths shooting pleasure up your spine.

“Miss,” Reluctantly, she had pulled herself off of you, head still between your thighs and mouth stained with your translucent arousal. “Should I keep showing you?”

You whimper, sitting up and wrapping your arms around her waist. You gulped in doubt, wondering how to word your next thoughts.

“Mizu… I want to,” Your eyes dart down to where she’s shed her underclothes, completely bare before you. “Can I?”

You were hopelessly, unequivocally in need of it. A hunger you needed to sate, to please the most beautiful girl you’ve ever known. Taigen had claimed you a peach. You knew better, though. It was Mizu who was worth adoring– soft in the same way the fuzz of a peach is. More than anything, you wanted to partake in every part of her she’d give you. Scrape your teeth, bite and embrace her down to her innermost pits, until the heat of your humiliating starvation could finally cool. You had always been the one devoured, be it by greed or perversion– just once, you wanted to be the ravenous one.

You’ve noticed now that she blushes very easily, up her neck all the way to the tips of her ears becomes bathed in a red flush. You can’t help but chuckle at the sight, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of her lips, finding that you taste a bit of your own wetness.

“Okay,” She nods, chest falling with a heavy exhale. “Like this.”

Mizu effortlessly moves you in her arms, positioning you both so that you’re on your sides. She’s got you between her thighs and her between yours. Part of you wanted to scold her and tell her you just wanted to fuss over her. Mizu’s seemingly content though, a soft sigh escaping past the lewd noises of her tongue. If the scene weren’t so erotic you’d have laughed, told her how cute she is. You’re not sure if she would’ve listened, having always averted her attention away from any compliments you tried to give her, but she really was.

Not wanting to waste any more time, you take her thighs in your hands and part them, making space for yourself. Your breath caught in your throat, immediately latching your mouth to her clit.

She’s loud.

Practically wailing at the first suck, the way you messily circle your tongue over her, over and over. Her voice reaches a pitch you’ve never heard from her. It fuels you, fuels the way you lay the flat of your tongue against her. A wordless plea, begging to hear even more of her moans. You quickly become addicted to her– her sounds, her taste, the feel of her cunt as she tries to ride her hips into your face. You collect every pearl of slick from her onto your tongue so you can eagerly drink its sweetness, pangs of heat throbbing within you with every drop you savor. Mizu keens into you, rutting more and more the longer you lap away at her.

You think you could for the rest of your life, sustain yourself only on the wetness that drips from her.

More. The word repeats itself in your mind as you’re shifting away from her, pulling her up and into your lap. Knees firmly planted by your sides and pelvis raised, you sneak your hand below her. Cupping her arousal in your palm and thumbing at her clit, you smile up at her. Her moans are these sharp intakes of air, lustful gasps that leave your thighs hopelessly squeezing together. Eye-level with her breasts, it’s an urge you can’t resist– taking her peaked nipple between your teeth and biting. She lets out a stuttered laugh, an angelic sound that you hope the beat of your heart replicates forever, holding you by the back of your head and snuggling you closer to her. You let your middle finger swirl against her entrance, half-lidded eyes staring up at her from where you’re still pressing kisses to her chest. Mizu swallows, teeth digging into her lower lip as she nods. Laving your tongue over her, you sink your digit inside her. She writhes a little at the intrusion, welcoming the stretch regardless. She’s more than wet enough to take it, you muse. Pushing in and out, you relish in the way her warmth clenches around you, the way her body wants you, tries to suck you back in as if you’re a vital missing piece. Biting into the soft side of her breast, you tease your ring finger alongside the other. When you feel her walls adjust to both, you fasten your pace.

“Mizu,” You’re mumbling into the valley of her chest, chaste kisses left behind in the wake of your words. “Do you like this?”

That blush of hers is dappled across her skin again, collarbones, neck, cheeks and ears dusted with a brilliant ruddy hue. Her lips shut into a tight line, hiding a warbled and muffled moan, a pitiful ‘yes’ slipping out.

“Do you like me?” You’re grinning, though you’re aware of the way your eyes must look glazed over, a collection of tears on your waterline.

Energetically nodding, she lets her hands wander up your arms, steadying on your shoulders as her hips move on their own accord in tandem with your fingers, before continuing on to take hold of your cheeks. Like she’s ready to take care of you before you even ask her to, before anything is visibly wrong, she just knows.

“Promise, then,” You’re crying now, tears having fallen down the slope of your face, hiccuping an almost grief-stricken sob. “Promise you won’t betray me.”

Mizu’s lips part, brows furrowing as she shakes her head. “Never, I never will.”

Her words tumble off into gasping, pitchy moans. Your chin on her sternum as you look up at her, your tears finally slowing. You had heard what you had wanted all this time– she promised. Her utterance of devotion, a rush of cool water over every piece of fiery anguish within you. You loved her. You loved her, and the knowledge that you do finally makes your world quiet. No nagging, lingering fear. No ogre waiting in the shadows to smother you. No unnecessary pains doled out upon your innocence. For a moment, one that would be all too short even if it lasted for eternity, the two of you are the only people that exist. No fiance, no Taigen.

Mizu, and just Mizu.

She places her hands on your shoulders, pushing you backwards so you hit the mattress with a thud. After some shuffling around, you’re able to take hold of her hand, using it to grind your pussy against hers. Mizu’s mouth drops open, eyes wide as she imitates your motions. The two of you are perfectly slotted together. Every feverish, wet pass of your clit over hers has you nearly collapsing. Your breaths mingle together, slipping out as heated sighs.

“How,” Mizu swallows thickly, trying to catch her breath. “How do you know these things?”

You just smile at her, shaking your head. Gripping her hand a little tighter, you’re able to thrust against her faster. You’re only vaguely aware of the way your inner thighs become coated in the mixture of your arousals, feeling like you’re coming apart at the seams. Mizu’s moans pick up in pace, hitching every so often when the two of you connect in a pleasurable jolt. Her other hand is clutching, nearly clawing at you, wanting so badly to break skin and leave marks on you. With her mouth falling open wide, eyes trained on you, Mizu tumbles over her peak, the quivering of her thighs noticeable against your own. Her groaning doesn’t stop, an arm flung over her eyes as you can make out the hint of tear tracks by the corners of her mouth, the redness of her cheeks hidden. Hearing her, her loud cries of pleasure as you keep going send you over the edge, a few more slick joinings of your cunts together, and you’re there with her, the current of your arousal running through your body. Finally stilling, you can hear the breathy, lighthearted chuckles of Mizu once you fall backwards, arms spread out on the mattress under you. Mizu crawls the best she can, kissing up your navel to your lips, settling beside you. Her hair’s mussed, the dark tresses flowing behind her, eyes shining and face stippled in pink blush.

What a precious woman to have by you.

That memory was one you came to ruminate on often– especially the day after that, where Taigen had put his hands on you during that painting lesson, bribing Mizu out of the room with a coin. Or at least, attempted to. Her unwillingness to leave had undoubtedly pissed Taigen off tremendously, him storming out down that rocky dirty path. Mizu followed shortly after, as did you, having secretly trailed behind both of them. You had listened in on their conversation, hiding a laugh when Mizu had stomped away after defending you.

Taigen had stood there dumbfounded, looking at you past the branches of trees you lurked behind.

“Can you at try a little fucking harder to pretend you want this marriage before she runs off?” He hisses.

Exhaling, you look out in the distance where Mizu had walked away. “I... can't. I want to quit,” You swallow, hugging yourself close. “I hate everyone here. My fiance, my mother, you...”

Taigen snorts at that, raising a brow. “And Mizu? You feel sorry for her?”

You nod. “I... can't stand her.”

He shakes his head, lighting a cigarette and taking a few drags of it. “Would you care to know some of the things she's said about you? That you're too sheltered. Even if I were to touch you intimately, you'd be completely oblivious to what a man like me wanted. She's only been nice to you out of pity, start being realistic.”

As much as you hated to admit it, you dwelled on his words for much longer than you wanted to. It's an inescapable cycle of blame you go through. It's your fault for not knowing better, then it's Mizu's fault for being so kind to you, and then it's Taigen's for starting this all in the first place; repeat until you're suffocating.

That must be why it's difficult to avoid crying when Mizu insists, yes, you will love Taigen. Resting on that lounge chair, her massaging at your weary calf muscles. When you're ripped from placid waters, thrown right into stifling flames to burn alive, it hurts, you realize. It's the best comparison you can make when Mizu all but tosses you to Taigen's waiting maw, solidifying what he had said to you. Pity. No matter how much you try to assure her that you could be happy here, happy with her, more so than you ever could be with The Count or your fiance, she doesn't budge.

“What if I said I loved someone else?” You asked, feeling the slow rising of warmth up your frame. “I don't have anyone else on this earth... would you really still tell me to marry him?”

Repeating her own words back to her, you hoped she would notice. Take the hint, absolve herself of all this, and be with you. Fix everything, prove she wasn't like everyone else in your life. You want her to be different. You need her to be different. How could she have done all this if she wasn't? Even now as you looked down upon her in anger you could feel the stains of her lips everywhere she had kissed you, could feel the brush of her knuckles across your cheekbone, the way her hands had made your body so pliant. You couldn't comprehend it. How could all of that be worth so little to her that she'd be willing to give it up for a chunk of money? Was that look in her eyes just a trick of the light, your mind's imagination?

Blinking back tears, you watch as she sighs, taking your leg into her hands once more, timidly trying to settle your frustration. “You will love him.” Mizu's looking up at you, the twinge of optimism in her eyes making you sick to your stomach.

She really believes what she's saying. She's doused you in kerosene, her insistence the final motion that sets your body alight. You would've given up this whole fucking charade if she had just kept her promise. You would've done anything to get rid of Taigen, even if it meant staying in this house, just to assure the two of you could be together. But if she doesn't even want it, then what's the point? If she doesn't even want you, then…

“Get out,” You don't even recognize your own voice, faltering with shuddering sobs as you take her by her arms to pull her up to a standing position. “Get out.”

“Wait, miss!” She calls out, but you barely register it before you're dropping her down onto her bedroll, retreating back into your room with the door slammed behind you.

Maybe Madam Kaji was right about ogres waiting to smother you. This world in which you had no one, this world which had been patiently waiting to swallow you whole, will finally get its rightful meal.

You shouldn't have been born.

Silence drenches the night, goosebumps over your skin as the breeze rustles at your clothes, your hair. You're shivering, staring up at that haunted cherry blossom tree. Tears continuously rolled down your cheeks. Fingers trailing down rough bark, wondering if it's worth it to try to ground yourself. Your fury had not been quelled, not in the slightest. In your mind, you could see Mizu's eyes, the way they were practically begging you to fall in love with Taigen. How could you tell her that it's not just that you didn't love him, but you couldn't? How could you have stupidly believed her, that she'd never betray you? Swallowing a laugh, you look down with teary eyes at the box in your hands containing a length of rope.

You shouldn't have been born. Poor, unwanted thing that you are.

Distant thuds reach your ears, harsh and quick breaths– the sound of someone nearly hyperventilating– flooding your senses. Before you can even turn around, you're hit with an overwhelming force, being corralled into a pair of arms.

“Let go.” You whimper, struggling.

“I'm sorry,” Mizu gasps, chest heaving against your back. “Don't... don't die.”

She represses a trembling sigh into your shoulder, the faint moisture of tears dotting the bare skin of your neck. You're surprised, brows raising.

“And what are you sorry for?” You question, seeing if she'll be honest.

“I was working with The Count, we were going to send you away and take your money,” She picks her head up from your shoulder so you can clearly hear her. “So, please... don't get married to him.”

“Are you worried about me?” You turn around in her arms, taking sight of her tear-stricken face. You had never seen her cry, never thought she would, at least not in front of you. “You shouldn't be.”

Taking a step back, she keeps her hands on your arms. “Why not?”

With a thumb pressed into her cheek, you swipe away any stray droplets. “Taigen and I were tricking you. You were going into the madhouse, under my name. Then I'd get to take up your name and run far, far away.”

Her eyes dart across your face, unable to sense any hint of a lie in what you've revealed to her.

“Fuck! I should've never trusted that asshole!” She yells, piercing the quiet of the night.

But her arms are back around your waist, coddling you close to her chest. Like if she can't feel the pressure of your body against hers, you'll be gone, whittled down into infinitesimal shards she couldn't see anymore. Her truth lies in the way her breath evens out, the way she gathers your wrist up in her hands, fingers caressing your pulse point, to lead you back to your room. How she checks behind her every so often to make sure you're alright. Those little actions that make her Mizu, the real one.

Maybe Madam Kaji was wrong about ogres waiting to smother you.

Mizu sits at your desk, carefully writing out a letter to her folks back home, informing them of the new turn of events; the two of you teaming up against Taigen. Placing a solid gold bracelet next to her which she could enclose as payment, you settled down alongside her. Taking the bracelet between her teeth to test its legitimacy, she grinned.

“This'll go far for them, thank you.” She tells you.

When she's feeling genuine happiness, it's hard for her to wipe the smile off her face, you notice. You hope that once you two are able to make it away from all this, she never stops smiling.

So the next morning, when your fiance beckons you over to the side of his carriage, you don't let your fear stop you.

“Just because you have a week of freedom, doesn't mean you can misbehave,” His words were full of venom as he spat them towards you. “Don't forget where I'll put you.”

You take a bow, eyes cast to the cobbled ground. You wouldn't let him get to you, not any longer when you had Mizu there for you. The two of you would be successful, and then you could run so far from this place you wouldn't remember how to get back even if you tried. Nobody would be able to find you again. If they did... you're sure Mizu would have some things to say about that.

Slowly approaching her, you smile, willing any bad thought out of your mind at the sight of her pretty face. “Let's go,” You tell her. “We don't have a lot of time before we have to leave.”

“Come, then.” While she offers you her arm, you're hesitant to take it, choosing to step past her. You would've, but the idea of Taigen still lurking around the estate and the possibility of the other servants not having gone far, you avoid her touch.

You can hear her sigh behind you, though you're aware of the light undertone to it– she knows you're trying to refrain from any rumors cropping up before you leave, lest Taigen catch wind of them. Her steps follow you, wordlessly keeping up. You're thankful she seems to understand why silence befalls the two of you. Though you feel the subtle gesture of her hand at the small of your back, tensing for a moment. Mizu's breath hits your ear when she leans in even closer to you, her raspy voice calling out to you to 'come on'.

There's a moment after packing your things that you turn to her, hands smoothing down her apron. Your fingers are twisting into the fabric, not ready to have her change into her 'disguise’– really just a cloak, her glasses and a kasa, but it does well to hide her face– quite yet. She's always been your handmaiden. Even with it being a role for her to fill, a part to play, she's tended to you with such care. You couldn't wait until you were both just normal people. No ladyship, no servantry. You wanted to dote on her, flood her with all of your affections and have no one bat an eye at it. Though, she pulls your hands from her, holding them in her own. Her thumbs graze across your palms, a distant look in her eye.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask her, which definitely startles her out of whatever daydream she's having.

“About how we need to leave,” Mizu takes your arms in her hands to spin you around to face your luggage. “Let's go, princess.”

That little nickname she's given you makes you roll your eyes, watching as she cloaks herself and puts on her glasses and kasa. The sight almost makes you blush, the way she's effortlessly beautiful and handsome at the same time.

“Actually,” You speak up, turning to her anxiously. “Would you follow me?”

She's unsure, you can tell by the way her eyes squint, but she agrees. After last night, you're sure she's on edge, rightfully so. Finding out the tables were turned on her must've been difficult, but she knows you feel no loyalty to Taigen. Despite everything, you two are each other's safety. Taking her down that stepping stone path to the library, you're not entirely sure where you're going with this. That place had been your whole life, and maybe the idea of leaving it behind was a little terrifying, regardless of the grim reality it held within its walls. Perhaps you just needed to see it one last time, really make sure you were leaving it behind.

Mizu's startled by that ceramic snake again, carefully toeing the barrier between inside and outside. She steps over it once she sees you bypass it, unafraid. You see her briefly grimace at the sight of a small, erotic porcelain statuette. Your fiance has a few of those around, blatantly making his predilections known to those who enter. Perhaps she thought it was just a little one off, a bizarre trinket owned simply for the peculiarness of it. She's corrected when you hand her the volume of some series she's never heard of. Flipping through the pages, she halts when she comes across the illustrated pages. Women in various degrading positions, breasts and nether regions fully drawn. Those blue irises of hers somehow become even icier, glancing from the book, to you, back down to the book.

Her gaze catches on the spinel earrings one of the women is depicted wearing.

“Is this...” Her voice is gravelly, like she's straining to get the words out. “What you've been reading, this whole time? To your fiance, those men that show up?”

You're not sure what you expected when you brought her here. Maybe your whole life, you've known that what's been done to you has been wrong, that you've been used as an object of desire to satisfy certain pleasures. Her anger, though, radiated through you. Tugged on a heartstring so deep within you you thought it had been entirely cut loose. She looks up at you one more time, meeting that teary gaze of yours. Mizu shakes her head, taking that page in her hands and ripping it from its bindings. Striking the long buried part of you that felt you were worth something. Worth fighting for, worth rendering this whole library asunder. Throwing the book on the ground once the drawing is in tiny pieces, she moves forward fast, looking for whatever she can get her hands on and destroy. Her chest heaves with every agonizing huff of breath she inhales, fueled by the heights of her rage. That saddened look in your eye, which had been hardened over time into something you had resentfully accepted– the pure hatred she felt for anyone who had ever betrayed you, tortured you, anyone you had ever read a fucking word to.

Her cape billowed behind her as she moved through the room, grabbing books from their rightful places and hurtling them to the ground below, ultimately damaging their spines and covers. You're trailing after her, a lost puppy watching in amazement. Shreds of paper litter the floor, stepping on them in your rush to follow. Pulling a concealed dagger from you don't know where on her person, she's slashing through the parchment of as many scrolls as she can find. Kneeling on the ground and slicing page upon page. Those familiar stories, all ones you recognized, made useless at the hands of someone who loved you. She yelps, the dagger handle slipping out of her palms with how furious her motions were. It does little to deter her though, collecting it and continuing her assault of the library. Shoving entire rows of novels onto the floor, books ending up in ruined heaps. She throws open one of the glass display cases, the lid shattering upon impact to the floor. Carrying over pots of colored ink, she smears it over the illustrations housed within. Hands stained all manners of red and blue, you can't stop the few tears that finally slowly shed.

You wet your lips, feeling pieces of you come together at this unhinged spectacle of romance. Isn't that what the relationship between you two has been all this time, anyway? An unexpected force that knocked you on your ass the moment you realized you loved her. More than that, the moment you realized she loved you. Yes, exhaustion had buckled you into submission, but love had weathered you into a storm.

Hurrying over to the tatami mat floor, you remove some of them to uncover the shallow pools of water that lay below. Mizu nodded, gathering up piles of the books in her arms to bring them over. Helping her, you could feel your lungs burn, eyes painfully wet with... astonishment? Pain? Some mixture of the two, perhaps. She kicks her shoes off, stepping into the water to fully submerge the books. To the side stands you, holding some more pots of ink. You're petrified. Until she looks up at you, and the fury in her eyes subsides when she sees you, turning into that gaze you know, now.

Lovesickness.

You hurl ink into the water, effectively dyeing the books into a muddle of colors. Joining her in the water, you stomp away, pulling even more books in. Breathing labored, Mizu steps out. Gripping a flat length of metal adorned with a tassel in her hands, she stands before that snake. Steadying it in her hands and widening her stance, she swings hard. Shards of ceramic go flying, the head taken clean off the sculpture.

It's your life in summary. Those bits of shrapnel, the way Mizu had torn your life apart the second she stepped foot in it.

Your savior.

Your Mizu.

There's a renewed vigor in Mizu's movements as she guides you out of the manor. One of her last acts of protecting you before she begrudgingly has to place you in the arms of Taigen to fulfill the rest of the plan. This time, when she offers her arm to you, you take it. She keeps you level over even the most jagged paths, catching you when you stumble. A cobbled wall stands between you and your freedom, slowing down to a stop when you reach it. Mizu drops the satchels you carry to the ground, heading over the wall. Her arms go around your waist, picking you up and placing you down on the other side with little difficulty.When she lands next to you after grabbing your bags, you can't help but smile at her, a dreamy look in your eyes.

“What?” She asks, a hint of awkwardness in her tone.

“Nothing, nothing!” You bump into her with your shoulder.

She sighs, shaking her head but hiding her expression from you. “Come on, we don't have any time to waste.”

Running through grassy fields, the sun finally starts to peek through the treeline. You barely ever have any time to catch your breath, but your rowdy laughter and wide smiles are proof you don't care. You know it won't be long before Taigen meets up with you, taking you away and sending Mizu off into that asylum. For now, you're together. In this world only the two of you exist, where your hands can meet, lips can kiss. Your only witnesses being the fall of the moon and the rising of the sun, the soft blades of grass beneath your feet, the bubbling creeks of water.

Everything up to that point had led you here– Mizu being hauled away, crying out for you. Yet your cheeks hurt from containing your chuckles, the knowledge that Taigen would have everything handed back to him, tenfold. All the unnecessary shit he's put you both through... He'd be nothing in a matter of days.

You click your tongue, clearing the tears out of your eyes.

“I'm hungry, Taigen.”

a/n: so, this chapter is like. over twice the length of any of the others, sorry about that. hopefully that makes sense for why it took longer to update! i would've split this chapter in two, but… i couldn't see it being split in any good way, personally. also, it's likely that the next chapter will be the last, i'm not sure if i'll do an epilogue yet though. anyway, i hope you've all been enjoying the story so far!

[q-starhalo]

I LIED, THIS IS MY LAST IMPORTANT LETTER TO YOU AT THE MOMENT:

No but it's seriously has been such an honor liveblogging Bad on the qsmp and I'm so glad I took the chance to do so when I was thinking about whether or not to post about him here <3 While I can't say when I started posting more on my account, I can say that I'm so glad it was this community and Bad that inspired me to do so and I will forever be thankful for that <3

And I also have to say that I was glad that I took part in our little road trip to Purgatory that day and joined the bus discord since I've met so many more people even if I didn't talk there for 2 months after it opened ^^"

And now onto my favorite people (which is just all of you guys but I can only remember so many users o(-()

@alchemicaladarna You have been such a nice person to see in my notes and in my feed <3 While we don't speak much, you're a really sweet person and I'm glad I got to meet you

@anth4rax You are one of the fastest people I've met when it came to liking posts. And while you can be a tad chaotic, you're always a welcoming presence in my notes and in the bus <3 I'm really glad I've gotten to speak to you and be your friend <33

@azure-wing While I believe we don't speak much, it's always a pleasure seeing you hanging out in the bus and notifying others who's live <3

@badanddapper You posting Bad and Dapper clips have always made my day <3 Thank you <333

@baginamybeloved NIKOLA <3333 Siempre es un placer hablar contigo en español or in english and figure out if something is just a my country thing or not xD And even then, it's just a pleasure talking to you and I'm glad we've met <3333

@bixxibee Bixx!!! <3 I'm always happy to see you around and speak to you <33 You're a really nice person and I'm glad I got the chance to meet you <33

@boytoyhalo SIREN!! <3 While I think we've barely spoken, I'm always happy to see you around <33

@celluzu I don't think we've spoken before but I'm grateful for the Bad and Dapper you drew for me during the Trick or Treat on Tumblr <33

@creechurrr CREECHURRRRRRRRRR <33333333333 AUGH I LOVE WHENEVER YOU COME INTO MY ASKS YOU'RE MIND IS SO BEAUTIFUL YOU ALWAYS GET ME AND YOUR FICS ARE AMAZING <33333 AND YOU'RE SO KIND AND I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO MEET YOU <3333

@dappersautismcreature While we don't speak much, I love seeing you here and there and I loved your starhalo au's <3333 OH AND THE UM UM I FORGET WHAT IT'S CALLED BUT THE GRIM REAPER FIC ONE WAS SO GOOD <33333

@disfrutalakia Kia!!! You've always been my go-to blog for the Brazilians and Bagina and I'm so glad I got to meet you <3

@etoilesmoon One of the many people who understand me when it comes to starhalo 🤝 Hope I get to speak to you more <3

@gnostie GHOST!!! While we've only started speaking more recently, I'm so glad Mizu directed me to you when it came to clowns and just cute stuff in general <3 Ha sido un placer de conocerte <33333

@hgduo YOU GET ME. YOU F★CKING GET ME. (Also you're very cool. Tons of love to you <3)

@islayuri YOU'RE SO TALENTED OH MY GOD YOU'RE ART MAKES ME WANT TO EXPLODE <33333

@kadextra KADE. KADE. YOU'RE ART AND YOUR THEORIES AND THE BLACK SIGN STUFF. <3333333 And not only that, but you're such a sweet and talented person <333 Sending you lots of love <3333

@kaijuparfait PARFAIT!!! <333 It's been a pleasure talking to you about starhalo in the past and now more recently hearing (or more so reading) about Godzilla and how it fits Bad <33 Glad I met you <33333

@karoo-o LOVE YOUR ART AND IT WAS AN HONOR MAKING A PLAYLIST FOR YOU DURING THE VALENTINE EXCHANGE <3333

@kays-artstuff Even if you don't do much qsmp art, I'm always so glad to see you in my notes and I love seeing your art, it's so 💥💥💥💥💥

@l3m-n LEM!! While I rarely see you now, it was a pleasure talking to you here and there <33

@little-soldiers We've spoken here and there but you were such an inspiration for me to write out a little fic and I still hold on to that encouragement whenever I want to write something but don't think it'll be well <333 Thank you <3333

@lunaeclipse1057-ao3 LUNAAAAAAAAAA <3333333 While I've already said this, you're genuinely a sweet person even if we've barely spoken and I hope I still see you around <33333333

@lxrd-ren While I don't think you open Tumblr anymore, I just want you to know that you were and always will be the best bus buddy ever <33

@mizuski-broken MIZUUUUUUUUUU OH GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN?????? You always get me when it comes to the paranormal and you're just such a nice person to be around with <3333 I'm so glad I got to meet you and consider you a friend of mine <33333333

@muffinclutch Love seeing you in my notes <333 Hope to see you around <3333

@qsmprambling Always glad to see you around <3333

@starscollide0 YOU'RE ART IS SO 💥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥 And you're also such a nice person <3333 I hope to see you around <3333333333

@tubborucho LISS!! I'm always happy to see you around and you're truly the go to soulfire/tubhalo person <3 Lots of love to you <333333

@ultra-raging-ghost Ghost!!! It's always such a pleasure seeing you out and about whether it be you drawing or talking about mainly ayhalo and cucuhalo to in my notes, I'm always glad to see you <333 Hope to talk to you more <333333

And of course to many others like the people in my notes (@toxic-foolhalo-yuri, @j3ssicaangel, @fl10werc4t, @kayleighthekoala, @starriknight, @mystifiedmystery, @nightlight26, etc.) and everyone on the bus like Theo, Zero, Brubs, Zunto, March, Tannin, Des, Nico, and so so many others!!!! <3 Thank you again for this wonderful experience and trust me when I say, I will always be here <3333

- Yours truly, Star ★

[whoblewboobear]

Do yall want my Jace/Yolanda thoughts or should I just jump off a cliff? Nvm, you're getting them anyway 😘

~

This fully stems from them playing a similar kind of role to their students. Both acting as a mentor and a guide for their students while they figure things out. Whether it be innate magical ability or divinity and religious studies.

Yolanda's a much more well respected teacher than Jace is, and there are so many interesting Jace+Aguefort staff dynamics to explore but one of my favorites is Jace/Yolanda. We knew so little of her bc of how the seasons shake out but what if when Jace started working at the academy she was the staff member to give him the full tour and rundown. 

Their classrooms are far apart and outside of meetings and their polite exchanges in the breakroom they don’t talk much. Jace was never religious, not really, not until Porter, but Yolanda doesn’t push or proselytize. He likes that about her and he finds himself really fascinated by the way she discusses religion and how vast it can be. 

At the end of his first year, he’s completely drained. He knew Aguefort was notoriously A Lot™️ but he didn’t think he’d slam head first into burnout by the time finals roll around. He’s committed to his students, they’re great kids (mostly) so, he spends a lot of late nights grading papers and reviewing his lesson plans, making notes and additions when he hears a little knock at his classroom door. 

Yolanda gives him a little wave and comes in. She didn’t expect anyone to still be in the building but it’s a nice surprise. Jace looks as exhausted as she feels. 

“How do you feel about ice cream?” Not too long after she asks, they’re sat across from each other at Basrar’s  talking about how the school year’s been, their students, plans for the summer. It’s good and exactly what they both needed. They make a tradition out of it, to meet up and get ice cream every year during finals. 

By the time Junior year rolls around and she comes to him with the info about Lucy everything in him breaks. He knows what he has to do or everything he and Porter built together crumbles. He hates that out of all their coworkers it had to be her. Yolanda, one of his dearest and kindest friends. 

He isn’t sure how all knowing and all seeing Porter is quite yet, but keeping it from him could ruin everything. Jace is a fixer but he’s also obedient when his back is against the wall, so he tells Porter. 

“Tell me what you want me to do.” And he’s not sure if Porter is just being cruel or if the amount of time they’ve spent together made him generous. But Jace takes no pleasure in giving the order. In asking Porter to kill his friend. All because she cared too much. She always did, even when she’s in the lion’s den and he’s telling her about the far haven woods.. She just cares so much. 

He doesn’t join Porter. He makes himself scarce for the rest of the evening, smashing his crystal to bits so that for once he doesn’t have to hear Porter’s stupid voice after a kill. How exhilarated it makes him to take a life. Even the lives of those whose only crime was caring too much. 

After that Jace is changed. Quieter, colder, disgusted by the person he’s become. The person Porter remade him to be. The closer the end of the school year gets the more nightmares he has, of Yolanda’s death, of his own, the Rat Griders. He wakes up screaming most nights, so much so that he goes back to sleeping in his own bed. Porter doesn’t seem too put out by it. He’s different now too, barely notices or talks about anything but the plan. When Jace looks at him, he sees Porter covered head to toe in blood. It gets harder to meet his eyes without feeling repulsed. 

There’s no more ice cream, only blood.  When he dies, he wonders if he’ll find her in the afterlife, he doesn’t, of course. Where ever she is now, it has to be better than his purgatory. He’s back in the same blood-red inferno he found himself in after Porter killed him.

For a brief moment he wonders if he even deserves the life being offered back to him by Ankarna.

He takes it.

And when he sees Yolanda again, he wants to run. He wants to disappear into thin air, he wants to reverse time and choose death. But the kind, caring look in her eyes makes him ignore it all. He wraps her up tight in his arms and apologizes. She doesn’t owe him forgiveness, he feels a pit in his stomach when she offers it though. She's a better person than he ever was.  

“I believe we’re due for some ice cream, Mr Stardiamond,” and Gods he shouldn’t be crying but he is. 

Through his tears, he agrees, “Lead the way, Professor Badgood.”

[demodraws0606]

People really moving on from q!BBH and q!Slimecicle's talk last day, because like thinking outside of the funny moments....we've never seen q!BBH this sadistic and horrible.

q!BBH literally a few streams before the event pointed out how he didn't have to enjoy hurting other people but here he is just finding extreme glee in just toying with q!Slime and making his life hell.

And this is not just me assuming this as RP, cc!BBH literally liked tweets that pointed this difference in q!BBH's character :

Again you can argue its because of Dapper's message but...there is just a complete different vibe from this to the other atrocities he has done before.

He didn't find pleasure in torturing Ron, he was angry and tired, there might've been a little sadism in there but it was clearly burried with his motivation.

But here we see him basically taunting q!Slime, saying how he little he respects him and how he enjoyed killing him.

This man's very flim integrity is slowly being chipped away and he is slowly just regressing to a state of enjoying hurting people with no rhyme or reason.

I wonder how much cc!BBH is gonna carry this through to q!BBH after Purgatory.

[kittlesandbugs]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @sidestepping & @askweisswolf, ty for thinking of me!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 62, but if you unstack the one shot compilations... 138ish? if I can math right.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 119,010, and the bulk is FHR lol

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently Baldur's Gate 3 and Fallen Hero, previously TWC, Dragon Age, Mass Effect/Andromeda, Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 2

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Gonna cheat a little and do one per fandom because this is heavily slated towards Mass Effect Andromeda just from age lol

Sleep it off - Mass Effect, Shepard/Aria T'Loak, Shep gets drunk at Purgatory and Aria babysits her

Little steps to the side - FHR, Chargestep/Argentstep/Chargentstep, currently 55? little one-shot fics, usually prompts, sometimes tiny ideas I get in my own head

Space snippets - Mass Effect Andromeda, Jaal/Ryder, a few prompt one-shots that picked up big steam when it finally went Explicit lol.

Bottles of Thedas - Dragon Age Inquisition, Solavellan, 20 short one-shots inspired by the collection of booze you can pick up off the ground throughout the game (minus the Warden mixes)

Business and Pleasure - Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 2, Exile/Luxa, a re-write/better ending for Luxa gift fic for an exchange

5. Do you respond to comments? I am absolutely terrible at responding to comments because I see them in my inbox and I'm like oh yeah I'll reply to that later when I have time and then.... six months go by... the shame happens... I love every comment I get and I am so sorry alkdsfjoajsdfl

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ehhhhhhhhhh most of my fics are in-between things, not really stand-alones on their own. Probably the one I milked the hardest for the ending of it specifically is Words not spoken (FHR, Chargestep, Ortega visits Riley's apartment post-Heartbreak)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Again.... in-between things... the Mass Effect Andromeda and TWC fics are largely feel good fluff, so most of them?

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not that I'm aware of, lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Typically fluffy and/or hurt/comfort character exploration, although sometimes I feel a need to go for a whump

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I haven't written a crossover since I was 13. I'm 37 now. I don't remember. It was pre-AO3 time for sure. XD

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I'm aware of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I've written fanfics to fanfics by @ellstersmash and @sidestepping because they're both so talented and I Felt The Compulsion

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Whatever I'm currently writing for, in this case... any combo of Chargentstep aaaaaaaaaaand Durgetash lol

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Me, staring at my endless folder of WIPs, some of which having not been touched in five years

16. What are your writing strengths? Character explorations, snappy dialogue, short and sweet and punchy

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Writing long-haul, we're here for a good time, not a long time

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Love it when other people do it! Very rarely do it myself!

19. First fandom you wrote for? Megaman X back in.................. 2000-ish? Very bad self-insert script fic lol

20. Favorite fic you've written? I think Time doesn't heal (FHR, Chargestep, all the Rangers and Riley experiencing the 3rd Heartbreak anniversary) is one of my biggest brain moments for writing fic, but Bottles of Thedas (mentioned above) has a special place in my heart for being the first and perhaps only large project I've finished.

Gonna taaaaaaaaaaaag... @astarien, @the-rebel-archivist, @gingerbreton, @rab-bitly, @catastrofriend

[neptunianashes]

Okay I've already knew some veeeeeery basic things that almost everyone knows about these religions but lately I've been learning more deeply about the difference between judaism, islam, catholic church, protestant church and orthodox church. And to be honest, I can't still decide which culture I like more, I think every religion has a cool thing that I like that the other ones do not have and viceversa every religion has some things I do not like. So far the religion I know the least about their culture is judaism, yes I know more about islam than jews. So I guess judaism is the religion I'm the least interested on as of today, maybe it can change later on when I learn more about them. Islam has some cool things and some not so cool things, this has absolutely nothing to do with the religion of Islam but I really like how arabic sounds to my ears I think it is a beautiful language despite me not knowing anything it, but it is pleasurable to hear someone talk or sing in arabic. I like the whole pilgrimage idea, having to sleep an entire night outdoors with only the stars and the moon watching over you is beautiful, their architecture is beautiful too although not as good as catholic architecture -protestant architecture is by faaaaaaar the worst one, protestant people build buildings like if they'd hate buildings-. I also think they have by far the most beautiful clothing and dresses of all religions and I also genuinely believe the prettiest most beautiful girls are arabic, the ones I dislike the most are once again the protestant girls in my opinion. One thing I do not liked about islam so far is that you have to pray sooo much more than other religions. I do not like that you can have multiple wives too, polygamy sucks. Okay unto to protestant now, I feel I've been bad with them in this post so far but I like they are more carefree and centered around happiness than suffering like the catholic church. Protestants have a very free spirit way of being and by that I mean they do not like authority, which is something I really really really loved about them, to them the church is not important as the holy bible, they do not follow orders of the Pope, they understood that authoritative monarchy will lead up to corruption and they hate to pay taxes. To be honest if you are a libertarian then the protestant church sounds like it is perfect. Baptism is when the person comes of age as an adult so they can choose, unlike catholic where they put emphasis on babies baptism. I love that because it again puts emphasis on freedom of the person! protestant is the least authoritative religion of them all, which makes them the least angry and the most happy, that is important to say in a world like this one! Their salvation is different from catholic salvation too, it is more carefree and less burdensome. Protestant symbol is just the cross putting emphasis in salvation and the reborn of Jesus whereas Catholic symbol is jesus cruxification putting emphasis in the death and suffering of Jesus rather than his reborn. In catholicism the suffering of Jesus is like very important, whereas protestant celebrate more the happy side of being saved just by faith, purgatory doesn't exist in protestant religion. They have only 2 sacraments unlike the 7 sacraments of the catholic church, which means they do not have the sacrament of matrimony which means monogamy is not as important for them as it is for catholic which means that sucks as fuck for me. I am not a religious person and I never was in my past, but if you grew up in a religious home you could still be affected by it and see the world with the culture of that religion despite not being a believer, in my case monogamy is like a key fundamental pillar, so when protestant do all that swinger thing I just think it's bullshit. Orthodox church next one in the next post.

[madefate]

some facts about eve !

when lilith took the apple and caught lucifer's attention, it was an act of free will - a grand experiment in the concept of humanity - an exception to the rule of goodness that it was assumed humanity would follow, the way adam did. but then it happens again - the third human reaches naively for the apple and in that act of disobedience, heaven learns what free will really is.

before eve, there was no concept of shame or punishment. there weren't names for these things yet, no blueprint of what the opposite of devotion and faith were. there was no rebellion.

from the moment eve took a bite of the apple, she understood the plan - she saw the invisible rules that made up her world, the way she and adam were heralds of the Creator's plan on earth - the beginning of everything, but also nothing more than the first dominoes in what would be a long line. she saw all the beautiful things that could be - excess, love, pleasure, life - but she also saw the door close on her reaching fingers before she could touch them.

this was eve's fate: to be cursed with the knowledge of the free will at the heart of humanity, but denied its freedom. she would bear witness to humanity, and hold its sin within her as its progenitor. she would be forced to love her husband, her sons, their children, and watch them fight against evil - lose, sometimes. she is mother.

she loves adam, but she will never know how much of that love is hers, and how much of it is her body and soul needing to be near him - the thing she was made from, her original home.

when she dies, she dies in pieces of who she could have been but never was. by then, she is made of the kind of grief and exhaustion that can't be cured - all she wants is to disappear. so she carves a void between heaven and hell and falls into a deep sleep there - creating purgatory.

now, though, heaven and hell are breaching their boundaries, breaking their own rules. rebelling. and the turmoil has rippled through eve's afterlife, waking her for the first time in thousands of years.

❝ You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that? And I said, where can I put it down? ❞

[queenhellwitch]

the angry one

Sam is emotionally intelligent and can't hide his feelings from his own eyeballs, but I actually think he's more repressed than Dean. He encourages Dean to open up, but Dean won’t share with his little brother, because it’s his job to be strong. However - Dean does share, with other people. And he punches heads in, shoots the crap out of stuff, he drinks beer, he gets laid. He cries and gets angry and violent, and he takes it out on people. He’s very emotionally expressive.

Sam, on the other hand, keeps it all in. Half a laugh, half a cursory smile, the endless “I’m fine!”s… The only time he really opens up and starts to talk about what he actually experienced, is to Rowena. He doesn’t even get to have a go at Chuck, in the same way Dean does. Even when he shoots Chuck, it literally bites back. Sam lives a life of self-flagellation and penance, and when he dares to allow himself any action, reaction or even pleasures, his decisions always come with a ton of guilt. Even when he’s right.

Jared does an amazing job of showing us his true emotions with just his eyeballs, but nailing the very obvious repression. It’s amazing, really.

Yet - guess who gets accused of being angry, self-righteous, hubristic and selfish, by the fandom, by so many people in the show, and even labelled “not exactly Mr Anger Management” by his own father figure? That boy was actually too good at managing his anger. But he’ll never be viewed that way, because he’s already been put in that pigeonhole with his family. He always was the “deep little son of a bitch”. Bobby says John would rather “push Sam away than reach out to him.” Kids who are hard to understand end up being difficult. As if being a teenager isn't a ragey experience in itself. John's fear? Was it because of the evil in his veins? Or just because he was stubborn? Because he yelled at his dad? He stood his ground against the abuse, he ran away, he went to college despite being disowned for it?

In Mystery Spot, Sam is without Dean for six months and he goes psychotically revenge-driven. He cuts himself off from all other humans, and he stews in his own anger. Yet when he’s faced with the Trickster, it’s clear that despite his obvious emotions, this is a man fully in control when he needs to be. I think we forget this, when the same thing happens again at the end of Season 7. A Sam without Dean is not a stable person. Add all the hell trauma he’s suffered and the loss of Bobby – the father figure who never saw him outside that pigeonhole of ‘the angry one’ – Sam is completely alone, and not by choice.

Again, he could easily be angry. He has every right to be raving mad and on a destructive revenge trip, like he did in season 4. When Dean and Cas disappear to purgatory, he chooses to not be angry. He chooses not to be hubristic this time; because where did that get him before? Actual hell, actually. Against all that we know about Sam, and his love for his brother, he controls himself, he chooses to step away, from a dismal fucking world that only seems to bite him, and his loved ones, on the ass - no matter what he does. So he removes himself. He just drives (and then later becomes unhinged because that's my headcanon lmao).

And it turns out that was wrong too. He never gets across to Dean or to anyone else what his thought processes were, though, and nobody ever really knows the real Sam, the one who leaks through when the emotions are dialled down, when they can finally both just rest. It breaks my heart.