#Idk maybe I'll ask my therapist one day

[neonnerd17]

Wooo go girl 500th post uuuuuhhhh socks are yucky and the seam was made by Satan but cool socks are funky fresh but a trap because they usually have all the little stringies inside and I hate those

[transformation4life]

A Little Too "Daddy"

It was a typical summer day after work for Joseph in his aparment. He typed away on his computer talking to his boyfriend, Carl.

Carl: Saw a really hot guy today while walkin' home today babe

Joseph: Oh yea? What body type

Carl: A total Daddy!!! Like damn... wish he was my boyfriend. Not to say you're bad but like... you know. Joseph: Haha... I see.

Carl: It's whatever anyway lol he was with his kids and clearly banged a woman.

Joseph: You can't say that for sure-

Carl: He was every stereotypical dad trope in the book bro. I know my stuff!!!

Joseph: If you say so... but like are you trying to say I should try and bulk up?

Carl: Maybe...

Joseph: Aw Carl, You know that's difficult.

Carl: Yea but imagine me calling you daddy haha

Joseph: You're lucky I love you.

Carl: Yea i know! Anyways Gotta go now. My favorite telenovela is about to start. Love you babe!

Joseph: Bye. Love you!

Joseph closed the messaging app with a sigh. He did a "bicep" flex and yup still skinny.

"Ugh. This sucks! Why can't I be what he wants?" Joseph slammed his face on his keyboard in despair.

"I should really talk to someone about this- oh wait! Joseph recalled the therapist hotline stapled onto the breakroom pinboard at his work.

"I guess I'll text it right now..." Joseph was quick to turn on his phone and with a bit of help he eventually texted the codeword to activate the automatic transfer.

Thank you so much for being here we'll get you to one of our members immediately!

"Oh great... this'll take a while hu-"

*Bling*

"oh!"

???: Hi my name is G3NI3 how can I help you, today?

Joseph: G3NI3? Did your parents hate you?

G3NI3: Nah dude it's a CODENAME. Gotta keep some sort of confidentiality

Joseph: Ah right fair enough

G3NI3: Alright so what's your name and why did you text us today?

Joseph: Joseph, and I'm here because of my boyfriend...

G3NI3: Aww did you break up?

Joseph: No... it's more... he saw a hot dad today and said "i wish he was my boyfriend"

G3NI3: Oh i see... was the dude straight?

Joseph: Yea why do you ask?

G3NI3: Just wondering... Anyways so I'm guessing the dude was like super buff and stuff? Joseph: Yea... meanwhile I'm a scrawny man in my 20's...

G3NI3: I see I see... so what you're saying is that if you were an older "daddy" you'd be happier?

Joseph: Yea. Atleast it'd appease my boyfriend...

G3NI3: Alright then, say Joseph why don't you tell me about your life and how you met your boyfriend maybe this'll help

Joseph: Uh... sure. Okay so like... we met in highschool and we REALLY hit it off so we started dating pretty soon after and now we're here.

G3NI3: Makes sense. Though... based on your talks I feel like you'd be more bros than boyfriends

Joseph: Huh? what makes you say that?

G3NI3: Idk just got the vibe.

Joseph: How WOULD you say that you only know him as my boyfriend.

G3NI3: Yea but like for people your age, not sure i'd go randomly say "hey this man my age should be friends with me!"

Joseph: What are you talking about? My boyfriend is like 24 and the dude seemed 40.

G3NI3: Nah man, didn't you say you were both in your 40's?

Joseph: No... I said 20's

G3NI3: Pretty sure I saw 40's

Joseph: Yea well!! I can just scroll up and see!!

G3NI3: Suit yourself.

Joseph was getting furious at this "G3NIE". He 100% told them he was in his... 40's? Joseph read the text again.

"Joseph: Yea... meanwhile I'm a scrawny man in my 40's..." Joseph couldn't believe it, but then it dawned on him oh wait... he IS in his 40's haha imagine actually being in my 20's again that would be WILD.

Joseph: Sorry about that. You're right me and my boyfriend are in our 40's.

G3NI3: Told ya. Though you never told me your boyfie's name.

Joseph: Oh it's Carl. Pretty normal name.

G3NI3: Weird... I feel like he would be more a Carlito.

Joseph: Uh... What makes you say that?

G3NI3: Isn't he from Mexico?

Joseph: Uh... yea? But how did you know that?

G3NI3: Lucky guess. I mean... imagine having a mexican hottie like him as your bro.

Joseph: Not sure what you mean. We're DATING and he's skinny like me. Even though we're both in our 40's...

Joseph paused for a second. Wasn't Carlit- Carl in his 20's and skinny? but then he "remembered" the last pic his boyfriend sent him.

"Get ready to some farm work for my bonita~ What do you think?"

Wait... Bonita? Carl- No... Carlito would never call Joseph that. Not to mention his boyfriend never looked like that! Or... did he? Joseph scrambled through his memories and every memory he had of Carlito was him as jacked af Mexican man. Guess he forgot how lucky he was. The bonita bothered him but he just ignored it for now.

Joseph: Sorry nvm yea he is all that. We're dating though so we're not just "bros".

G3NI3: nah man, you seem like bros to me. Don't you remember he married Maria and got like 2 kids.

Maria??? who is- Oh right. Maria is Carlito's "Bonita" He rants about her all the time to you at your weekly bar hangouts. Joseph remembers how his two kids Mateo and Juanita would call him Uncle Joseph! Ah he loves those little rascals. Wait.. something felt off to Joseph.

Joseph: How do you know all this? Isn't this our first session?

G3NI3: What are you talking about dude? This is like our 20th one together

"W-What???" Joseph could not believe what G3NI3 was saying. This was definitely his first using the hotline. Joseph could prove it he just has to scroll up a bit and- Huh?

To Joseph's amazement, G3NI3 was right they've been talking for months. And what do you know they bring up everything about Carlito too. Guess that's that mystery solved.

Joseph: Oh man, you're right guess my age is starting to show...

G3NI3: Don't count yourself out yet old man. You have a kid to care for!

Joseph: Kid??? You must be joking I'm single and could never get a kid! I'm gay!

G3NI3: Oh come on don't be like that just cause you had a divorce with Kate doesn't mean you gotta deny being straight as an arrow or deny that kid you helped make! Joseph: Okay now you're crazy! No way I got married to a LADY. I was never into them!!

G3NI3: No need to get worked up big guy. Your son is following in your footsteps as a bodybuilder! Bodybuilder???? What kind of insanity is G3NI3 spewing now! Joseph was skinny as stick. Always has been.

Joseph: You must think I'm crazy if you want to believe I'm anything but a stick! It's a miracle Carlito even wants to hang out with a single skinny guy like me!

G3NI3: Oh don't be so shy! I know you love flexing in front of Carlito to show how you can attract the ladies! Your libido is off the charts bro.

Joseph had enough of this. He'd crush his phone with his big strong hands if he didn't have the money to replace it.

Joseph: Now listen here! I know I love a good flexing or two but I wouldn't say I have a high libido! Besides... I'm not manly enough I don't got a beard or any cool tattoos...

G3NI3: Come on, Josef! You're the manliest they come! With a luscious ginger beard and a tattoo of a cross between your tits AND one on your left arm you're peak masculinity! And you even married a WOMAN. Sure it didn't last but it's something!

Josef: You really think so? Aw shucks. Maybe if I was a faggot we could've dated... as if! The only thing I love more than muscles is a good looking women to take home and fuck silly.

G3NI3: Focus Josef. Use that bald head of yours for once and think! You came here because you didn't think Carlito doesn't want to hang out with you right?

Josef: Yes... we might've been bros since middle school but idk ever since me and the divorce with Kate it just doesn't feel like the same...

G3NI3: Puh-lease. You guys are two peas in a bro-pod. Do you really think Carlito would send you this if you weren't bros for life?

Josef: Ah I remember that! Carlito made those fags think they had a chance with him when he and Maria been fuckin' for years! Got a good laugh out of that!

Carlito: Exactly! Who would send that to a straight friend otherwise!

Josef: You're right... What did I have to worry about? Me and Carlito? We're buds for life!

Just then a knock came at the door.

"Dad! Carlito's here!" "Coming, Son!"

Josef: Welp, looks like Carlito's here. Thanks for the talk G3NI3. Always appreciate ya!

G3NI3: No problem! and remember... you asked for this

Josef: W-Wha?

G3NI3: Nothing! Bye

"And to think that's my therapist... Anyways gotta get ready for my bro!" Josef got up from his seat and left his bedroom stationed at the 2nd floor of his house. Gotta thank Kate for that child support money. But before he could enter the hallway...

"Son! I told you no underwear and caps in the house! Put some damn clothes on!"

Sorry pa, I just loveee my muscles. Do you mind if a girl comes over tonight? I think it'll work this time!"

"'Course Son. The Women will love ya! You get it from your old man!" Josef flexes to make his point clear.

"Thanks dad!" Josef's son flexes back before getting ready for his date.

"How did I get lucky enough to get a son like that?" Josef chuckled. He might not got much but at least he has son and his bro Carlito.

"Oh right! Carlito!" Josef almost forgot to get ready so he grabbed a fresh set of clothes and went to go change in the bathroom.

Before he changed Josef did one quick flex in the mirror.

"G3NI3 wasn't kidding. That libido of mine is ready to go!" Josef was proud of his physique. But now's not the time for that he has to go meet his bro.

Josef adorned his massive figure with a tank top saying "BEAST" and some killer designer shades he was ready to finally answer that door. With a strong force Josef opened the door to find the man himself, Carlito.

"Hola amigo. Have you seen that faggot Josef anywhere? Haha!"

"Oh come on Carlito, you know I'm as straight as an arrow!" Josef said back in a playful tone.

"Would you change your mind if I were to... do this?" Carlito took his shirt and removed his shades and did a flex right in front of Josef.

"...."

"..."

"..." "GAHAHAHA" The two large man laughed in unison.

"Nah bro, you're my bro forever and always." Josef smiled.

"As always mi amigo, now let's rapido we're gonna be late for our gym sess!" Carlito put his shirt and shades back on and headed for his luxury car.

As for Josef he didn't have a car as cool as Carlito but had a car from the 2000's and it was like his second child but don't tell Josef's son that. But before he got in his car Josef took a moment to feel his masculinity in the car window's reflection.

"I look damn fine."

And So Josef and Carlito went to have grand old brotime together. Working out together like true bros, hanging out at the bar like true bros, and of course trying to get Josef with a woman for the 30th time this month. You'd think they were a couple but nah they're both straight as arrows no doubt about that. Josef lived a happy life despite his circumstances and that meant more time to flex flex FLEX!

Safe to say he was a real... daddy. He's even got the kid to show for it.

[adamsrcnan]

okay i'll bite, here's my jeremy knox speculations !!!

it's nothing super outrageous in my opinion, as fun and interesting as that would be, but alas lets dig in.

with regards to the police, his step grandfather is a congressman which means his step father probably has political ties too. this could mean they have ties to the police force perhaps involved in funding or something?? hence why jeremy would be recognised by them bc he gets forced to go to these occasions to paint a perfect family picture and maybe they're full of cops?? and maybe that's just not something he wants to be associated with lmao. cannot blame him now can we?

rhemann tells jean he can ask jeremy to leave the vicinity if he wants to press charges and call the cops i don't think this is because jeremy could get in trouble or anything bc i don't think rhemann would risk that. i think it's just because him being there might have sway or might lead to more gossip among the force that jean would wanna avoid. and if rhemann knows about whatever this weird avoiding police thing is i'm not sure it would be something so horrible??

in terms of his past. personally i don't agree jeremy was aggressive as a teen. i read him talking about his high school team as more of a "they played that way. i didn't vibe with it. i wanted to make sure my college team wasn't the same" i mean it's basically what he says he doesn't imply anything else but again the guy is closed off as HECK so god knows. but i don't think jeremy has an aggressive tendency. i feel like, given how the foxes have their entire lives pried into, if jeremy had such a reputation in the past (being in a class 1 team and captain of it no less) it would be known. and jean would know bc of kevin's obsession. like that would be a huge scandal.

i don't think he's done anything crazy like murder or manslaughter or has any assault charge. although that screenshot i posted a couple days ago is very Very sus, i think it might stem from how his family makes him feel about himself. because again i don't think he'd be able to keep any of that hidden.

UNLESS it's been all swept under the rug thanks to the political ties from the step family, and maybe that's why they dislike him so much. but again i think it's all a bit far fetched bc i don't think jeremy would be able to be so well adjusted after something like that, even after attending therapy.

which brings me to my next point, which is where he mentioned his mother finding the therapist for him and his family as he says "us" when talking about it which means they all see this therapist and jean mentions jeremy does not seem bothered to be exposed for having to go to therapy. i think if he was in therapy bc he did something really terrible he wouldn't want it known. especially if it's meant to be swept under the rug. i think this is in relation to the mysterious brother and the possibility of losing them to suicide. as he becomes very serious when jean says he promised he wouldn't kill himself saying it's nothing to joke about. also his concern for jean's wellbeing after ravens start dropping like flies maybe bc he knows how the grief feels.

thought that could also be a far fetched speculation because jeremy says the fall banquet broke their family in half. it's obvious his step family and his older brother and younger sister are not on his side, his mother sounds questionable too. so maybe that just leaves his other brother and his father and again maybe it's just a case of them being supportive of jeremy's sexuality.

there's also a brief mention of jeremy's dad being stationed in europe - some kind of military man?? since his mother re-married there's definitely something there too. maybe jeremy still keeps in touch with his father and it's not appreciated by the rest of the family? idk this one's a bit of a stretch but i feel like it might crop up again. what with jeremy not wanting to be addressed as "knox" as well - is that his father's name or his step father's name??? why does he not like it??

moving on to the scandal at the fall banquet i think this has to do with jeremy getting outed for being gay. lucas before cutting himself off at the beach says "now that you're.." implying they didn't know before so maybe jeremy was keeping it under wraps but got involved with someone from another team (???) at the banquet and got caught. his step grandfather and step father, and brother are probably very conservative and of course did not agree with jeremy's "lifestyle" and i think this had consequences on the whole family as it probably got out and "tarnished" their image. jeremy was probably asked to give up exy so as not to get involved with all "that" and he obviously refused. punishment for that probably meant his sister not caring for his games anymore as he wouldn't compromise for her, him getting put on a strict allowance and his mother's bookkeeper having to keep up with his expenses bc he's only given a certain amount of money. maybe a way for them to take back control over his life?? it also could explain why he has to stay at home during the school year so they can keep an eye on him perhaps??? also him getting dismissed from the dinner table bc of his hair as well idk sounds like his family are probs homophobic. also kind of a stretch but mayyyybeee the reason jeremy feels so bad is because he got the person he was involved with into trouble so he feels like a terrible person. but again there's really no alluding to that or implication i'm basically just taking a wild guess. but i feel like it would make some sort of sense

TLDR; i think jeremy's big "scandal" was that he's gay and his step family are just not accepting so they make his life difficult on purpose and he struggles to stand up to them about it

[bomberqueen17]

ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

[helmarok]

hrmmm lukas headcanons

he's 18 in season 1 and 28 in season 2

short king, 5'4"

he's bisexual and poly. he's got two hands one for jesse and one for petra

him and aiden/maya/gill were all raised together by his grandma, the other 3 being adopted. everyone would ask lukas why he sticks with those assholes, and it's because they're his family, and they grew up together and it would hurt to break off from them and it DID hurt when aiden decided to cut him out.

bro loves baking as a hobby. everyone loves his cookies. aiden too but he never admits it and always says something's wrong with them but would eat half the batch every time without fail

he's a cat guy, but also a horse girl. his old horse was named reba, she went missing when the witherstorm hit. he kept the black horse he rode from the witherstorm on and named her dolly.

very good at archery because i decided the ocelots are a hunting group, not primarily builders though they are good at it. his melee combat though... yikes. in sky city when he meets aiden in the throne room, he's almost immediately taken down.

not a big fan of loud or busy environments. after moving from the treehouse to beacontown, he tried to live with petra and jesse for a while but didn't like the city life and moved.

he HATES the cold! no amount of layers can save this man. that's another reason why he moved away from beacontown. it's too far up north for him.

lukas kinda like the therapist of the group cause he's the most mentally stable and best at feelings and best at handling them and overall he is just comically perfect idk what to say. he doesn't like it when people hold everything in and explode because that's kinda what happened with aiden. this puts him at odds with petra in season 2.

he wears a really gay cowboy belt with an ocelot on it. also walks around in cowboy boots.

definitely has an ocelot fursona that he has many doodles and lore of in his little journal. he has also doodled the whole order fursonas: jesse a pig, petra a wolf, axel a creeper, olivia a sheep, and ivor a bat. if anyone asked him what their fursona would be, he has an answer. but the only people who know this information are jesse and petra who accidentally found it looking for another book and he made them promise not to tell anyone.

lukas is real easy to become friends with so he became closest with ivor before anyone else in the order. this is partially because they share an interest in history and old legends and reading and nerd stuff like that. sometimes they just chill and discuss these nerd things over tea.

big fan of country music and classic rock

you're not gonna believe this but his favorite drink is a nice warm glass of milk

lukas was the closest thing petra had to a friend before the order came to be, so he always had discounted deals when it came to rare items. once in a blue moon, she'd even give him something cool for free as her way of saying she likes having him around without actually saying it.

he's very humble, and even when the order is drowning in riches and the hall is decorated with gold and diamonds and everyone has fancy enchanted armor and tools, this dude is still running around in iron pauldrons and still got a set of iron tools. his bow isn't even enchanted, despite petra begging him to let her put something on it since she enchanted everyone else's stuff.

i think he has a book series that's like minecraft warrior cats. like his biggest book is obviously the one on the witherstorm but his cat books are definitely a renowned series with fans all over the world. and he tooootally didn't base some of the characters after his friends...

i have more but this is just off the top of my head so maybe i'll make another post one day

[mousydentist]

my favorite fics that i wrote and why

So, first I'll explain. I'm gonna being reccing my own fics which I'm not super sure how to do cause I mostly just yeet shit on ao3 and let the fates decide, and I'm never sure what's like, too much? Like I see other people rec their own fics and I'm like (O O) how do i do that. Like idk why I have this resistance to like, telling people that I like my own fics? So today I said fuck that, everyone's gonna know now.

And I've just been doing not so hot recently for a number of reason and I figured like, I've been obsessing over so much, why don't I get to be excited about the good things? So anyway, these are my favorite fics that I've written, not just the ones that have done the best or whatever, just my personal favorites, so without further ado...

(quick fyi, all of these are locked so you need to be logged into ao3 to view)

First up is sorry that i can't believe anybody really starts to fall in love with me , don't ask why the name is so long I just like the song lmao. This one's special to me cause it was my first KPTS fic. Is it the best? No. Does it have a super deep meaning? Nope. But it's cute and it's mine so I love it. Next!

the imperfect art of making it. Very self indulgent. I wrote this for the endorphins fic fest which gave me the motivation to write, but really I just loving transing my characters, and soft KimChay deserves lots of love.

Next up, do you look up to the sky? My first whumptober fic and the first one I wrote bc as soon as I looked at the prompts I was like "oh Kim's getting locked in the fucking basement for sure" and then he did! Success. Also KimChay are a pstd4ptsd couple, I won't be taking questions at this time.

This is getting longer than I thought it was gonna be but fuck it, I told myself I was doing this to remind myself why I like writing and that I do actually enjoy it so the longer the better tbh bc it means I really do love it. It's not a bad thing if all of my fics have a special place in my heart, right?

Ok last of the non dead dove ones is i should have kissed you. I don't exactly have a reason, I just think it's a good fic.

The next ones are dead dove cause I have two modes which are cute fluff and illegal <3

chay and kinn and chay. This thing is my baby. I love him with my whole heart. I wrote him in discord messages on my walk to and from classes. This is one fic that I would not be ashamed to say I've read several times over. This is the fic that I think of when people say "write the fics you want to read." This was also a spite fic which makes all of that even funnier lmao

Willow Dancin' On Air. This one's not dead dove but it is KimVegas so eh. But this is another fic I wrote purely for myself. I just wanted some fluffy lil somethin somethin and now every time I listen to this song I think of this fic

Ok last one, Why minors shouldn’t gamble. This one also started on discord and was written in my notes app at like. 9 am while I was still in bed lmao. Because that's where inspiration peaks. And it's hot idk. omegaverse will never not be be a special interest of mine, hopefully one day we can find out what happens when Kim joins the party, I'm genuinely curious.

OK! So. That was something. Tbh I feel a lot better lmao. My therapist would be so proud of me if I ever told her I write fanfiction pff. Normalize reading your own fics over and over. I'm saying that directly to myself cause I see all these like motivational things about writing and then I don't believe them, what's that about?? Doing this reminded me that I actually like the things I create, highly recommend. Now I'm gonna get myself a glass of water cause for the next maybe 12 hours I'm changing my life!! I'm doing self care!!! Woo hoo!!!!! Now to post this before I remember that other people can see it :) Ok bye ✌️

[stressed-and-queer]

Idea: Its post S5, canonically, Merlin couldn't handle losing Arthur so he erased his memory, one day he wakes up from a nightmare, Arthur's death, and then it shows the isle of the blessed, something inside of him telling him that he needs to go there. So, in the middle of the night, he gets up and drives to the isle. There's nothing.

He tells his therapist this in the morning, (therapist is Gwen or Morgana maybe)

"I had a dream about that guy again"

"And you swear you've never seen him?"

"Positive"

"Merlin, the human brain does not have the capacity to create new faces. You've had to see him somewhere, whether it be passing him by in the streets or whatnot. However, considering the severity of the dream i have to inquire that this was someone dear to you,"

"Then why don't I remember him,"

"I don't know. But, that's not the reason you came is it,"

"No,"

"Something else happened,"

"I saw the island that the old Ragland Castles sits in, and for some reason i felt....drawn to it. So, after i woke up i went there,"

"And what did you find"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. I felt like an absolute fool,"

"How far did you go,"

"I didn't go to the island if that's what you're asking,"

"Maybe you should,"

"But nothing happened the first time,"

"Merlin, you didn't dream about looking at the island from afar, you dreamed about the island, which means you have to go to the island,"

"And you think this will stop the nightmares"

"Well i can't say for sure, but it's a good possibility "

"Alright then, I'll go tomorrow,"

"Good,"

He goes the next day and boom, there's Arthur. But he doesn't remember, so when Arthur semi recognizes him, he's so confused.

"How do you know my name,"

"How do you not know mine, we were friends most of my life Merlin!"

"I don't remember you, I'm pretty sure i would remember some random blond in a suot of armor!"

Arthur mentions magic, Merlin doesn't remember, tells him magic doesn't exist. Blah blah blah something happens and Merlin remembers. Maybe Merlins magic resurged because his destiny came back. Or maybe he designed the spell to wear off if Arthur comes back. Idk I'm still figuring that part out. (if you have ideas I'd love to hear them)

He brings Arthur to the therapist and idk what happens next. Haven't thought of that yet. Maybe, since the therapist is one of their old friends, they go searching for the others? Idk lol

[luveline]

dear jade,

Im 23 and I would say I’m doing ok the scheme of things. I moved to a new city and my job is meh and I have friends and it seems fine but I can’t help but feel lonely especially because I have a p rocky relationship with my family members and sometimes all I want is someone whose excited to see me and do errands with me. I like my friends but most of them r actually moving soon and I’m scared about having to try to make new friends and idk I guess I was wondering if you had any tips on feeling lonely bc I really want a bf but also the mature part of my brain knowing having a bf won’t fix anything per say.

Hey!

My tips for feeling lonely. I think I was a very lonely person for a long time, and I'll give you my advice rather than what a therapist or a professional might say, so please take it with a pinch of salt. EDIT : I'm not trying to say I know better than a therapist btw I don't just that you can find that everywhere so I wanted to be more personable

I think if you really want a boyfriend, you're right in thinking it won't fix everything, but I also don't think it's a bad idea. The want to be in a relationship is one that most people will experience in their lives, it's very natural, and of course lots of things can go wrong and you can end up very hurt, but I still think that looking for love and a partner to be with wouldn't fix everything but it would probably be a good thing. BUT. it is also very very important to have friends and family too. Friends are so hard😭 and they move away and even if you make new ones you won't know who they are, but I think the standards for friendship are kind of skewiff these days, so my advice to you is to try and make relationships with people that are casual in a sense, but honest and caring, too. I know it isn't easy, you can't just magically clap your hands and make it happen, and there's a balance to be struck between being forgiving with people but not wanting them to walk all over you and your boundaries. (Sorry this paragraph is a little behemoth but hopefully my main point is that a boyfriend won't fix things but it probably won't do you any harm to have love and intimacy in your life, but don't try to fill the gaps that friends and family are leaving with a boyfriend because it may leave you feeling worse (which I'm sure was your original point, sorry😭))

I'm sorry to hear about your rocky relationships with family and I certainly won't stand here and tell you to try and fix them because family can be impossible and hurtful and too much to deal with. I hope things get better with them but I also understand that they might not, and I want to tell you that that's okay! Family by blood is real but family can also be anything you want it to be, including friends or a partner or people in your community. It's tough though, and I'm sorry!

ANYWAYS you didn't actually ask for any of the above and I'm really sorry if what I've said so far is unsolicited or incorrect, I can't pretend to know every detail of your situation but I think i can understand how you're feeling, like things are fine but loneliness is still pervasive anyways

When I'm feeling really really really lonely, there are a couple of things I do. I talk to friends (and not to tell them I'm lonely, maybe just to send a video or something) and I don't mind admitting that I don't have tons of friends, but the very best one I've made was through the Internet, so I definitely recommend trying to make friends via the Internet with people who have your interests in common! Friends in real life are sometimes friends because we see them a lot, which isn't a bad thing (it's actually GOOD to be friends with people who are different from us) but often means that we can find ourselves a bit unsure of where we stand or how to keep the friendship going when they move away.

I do all the usual things the Internet tells you to do, too, because this stuff sucks but it really works, like taking a very hot shower or going for a walk. Sometimes it absolutely doesn't work and then you're just walking around feeling lonely and miserable though, but it's worth a try. sometimes we feel lonely because we realise how unhappy we are and that we don't have anyone who's worried about how unhappy we are, if that makes sense? Like a consequence of the human condition, we actually do want attention when we feel shitty and there's no crime in that.

But sometimes all the usual stuff doesn't work! When I was at my Loneliest and most depressed, where I really truly could not see a light at the end of the tunnel kind of situation, I turned to writing. It literally saved me and saved my life and made it one worth living (as someone who doesn't have very much ambition). I think that finding a hobby and trying to master it or at least trying to create can really do wonders for a lonely person because it gives you a sense of worth or a sense of purpose outside of personal relationships. I always tell people I think they should start writing but what I mean is that finding a way to express yourself or finding a way to make things that you can look at with pride is great.

But obviously one hobby isn't going to get rid of all your loneliness, and I don't think it necessarily has to. I was recently talking to someone about this kind of thing and we spoke about this quote from a poem by ocean zuong, "loneliness is still time spent with the world." You will feel loneliness at different points of your life for the rest of time and so will I, and it's going to be very painful at some points, but I think if we can try to look at loneliness as more neutral, we can feel lonely without putting pressure on ourselves to fix it. It would be very tiring for you if you were always expected to fix your own loneliness. Sometimes there's nothing you can do and im so sorry to say that and to hear about how you're feeling, because it's not fair. But loneliness isn't like hunger, there's no guarantee that you can make it better by doing any one thing, you just have to hope that the world is going to be kind to you. When it isn't, you have to be kind to yourself! Try to treat yourself as you'd treat someone else going through a hard time, get yourself a treat if you can and remember that just because you're lonely doesn't mean you deserve to be, you're a unique person with all these interesting things about you that I'm sure people are one day going to discover and love, I'm sure people already do!

[ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa]

I hope this isn’t crossing a line to ask but I was reading about your sub adventures and idk maybe I’m being close minded but how exactly did you and your wife get to that point? Like she’s truly not jealous or anything? Like is that relationship going to be strictly sex or are you both open to more? Idk that whole world to me is just so foreign and I’d love to know what it’s like.

Not crossing a line at all.

This got long as fuck so putting a read more.

So, here's the thing. You have to have a rock solid relationship with your "primary," aka the partner who was there first and will continue to be first and foremost. Neither of us finds jealousy attractive, and it just isn't something that has ever played a part in our relationship because...we talk? I know that seems over simplified, but it's true. I never have to guess where I stand or what she is thinking because if I don't know, I'll ask, and vice versa.

Trust plays a HUGE role. There can't be any secrets. Period. Full stop. I literally tell Kat everything. She knows who I'm talking to because I tell her. I WANT to tell her. She's the love of my life. I could easily toss her my phone and tell her to look up something, and if she so desired, she could read every single message I've ever sent to the men I meet. She doesn't need to because she trusts me, but the option is there.

We've had people tell us, "Oh, I could never do that because I would be too jealous." And to me, that is a red flag? Jealousy implies lack of trust, and yeah, if you're gonna be jealous, then you can't do this. Plain and simple. We run into this issue a LOOOOOOT on Fet with hetero couples. Their core relationship is struggling, so instead of getting uncomfortable and digging to the root of the problem, they open their marriage, thinking that will fix everything..IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. idk don't ask me, man. But that has been the most consistent and frustrating part about all of this. I wind up playing marriage counselor because they will say to me what they feel they can't say to each other, and I'm like, how is this my job? I just want to be fucked/choked a little. Im not your therapist. And finding a Unicorn won't fix your marriage, Deborah/Kyle. That can't possibly fall to me. 😅

As far as that person's role in our lives, they have to bring something to the table. They have to benefit us in some way. What men on Fet seem to not understand is that if we wanted to just fuck someone, we could. But we are looking for a bit more than that. We're not saying we are looking for a husband or someone to move in, but we don't really do one night stands, especially with me looking for a full time Dom, there has to be trust and a connection.

Example: one of the most consistent men we've been talking to is very up front with the fact that he just wants to be FWB, however, he knows we are PEOPLE and he is adamant about making sure that the 'FRIENDS' is kept in the fwb equation. He will sext me and get downright filthy, but there are also times when he sends me pictures of his kid at baseball practice or his trip to the botanical gardens and always asks about my day. (He literally stopped talking about eating me out to show me the pumpkins he was growing on his family farm yesterday. 🤣 he is the definition of golden retriever)

We have always been open to the idea of polyamory and view love as it's not a piece of a pie that people take chunks out of, and then it's gone and all used up. Instead, love is always about addition, and if we were to find a third, it's just MORE LOVE. Love is not a finite resource.

I once had a guy on Fet ask me, "If you love your wife so much, then why are you looking for a third? What's missing in your relationship?" And I told him that first off, that's rude as hell, but I gave him an answer. What's missing? Nothing. Literally nothing. We could pack this shit up tomorrow and close our Fetlife accounts, and be 100% happy the way we are. It's not about something missing, it's about the fact that the two of us have more to GIVE.

At the end of the day, we look at this situation with the knowledge that we are so fucking incredibly lucky. Because no matter what happens, we have each other. Our relationship with our third could go down in flames, and yet, I'll still have the love of my life standing beside me, sleeping next to me, navigating the world. And when you have a fail safe like that, it's really easy to put yourself out there and be brutally honest. I'm able to tell the people I meet on Fet, 'Hey, this is me. Here are my flaws, here are my desires, you cool or not?' It is so efficient 😅 I'm too old to play games and know what love is and should feel like, we're a package deal and if they can't hang, then thank you for playing but next contestant.

I hope that helps a bit? The bottom line is that it's not easy because if it were, then everyone would do it.

[pics-and-fanfics]

I'm sorry. I had a bad day and took offense to something you said. I didn't mean to actually hurt you, I just wanted to take out my anger on you and I guess make you feel angry too? That's why i sent that ask.

I'm 16 and I'm just having a really hard time in school and I'm scared of senior year and I was hurt really bad recently. I hope you can forgive me and forget about what I said. I'm just some dumb teenager who forgets how powerful words are I guess. I'm so sorry girl or nb or w/e you prefer. I hope you feel better by now, life is amazing and I hope you surround yourself with people who make you happy. Please go over this with your therapist.

I'm really sorry. I'll be more thoughtful next time i send people ask. I'll try and be a better person

Understandable, everyone has bad days, but maybe a better way to let out that anger would be to write it down and then rip it up or destroy it? Idk, I just isolate myself and hug my stuffed animals until I feel better tbh.

And yeah, I did get upset, but I wasn’t mad, I was just a little taken aback, maybe hurt? I get that school is hard, I’m still in high school too (it fucking sucks ass, I feel you there) and I’m terrified about the future. But I’ve got my friends and family and an awesome support system, in person and online, maybe find people that can be that for you, and vise versa?

Don’t call yourself dumb, that leads down a very dark hole that’s hard to climb out of and it forms into a very very bad habit, trust me. I’m working on that myself, but like everything, esp bad habits, it takes time and effort to fix. I still say stuff like “I’m so dumb” a bit too often, but I’m working on saying “no I’m not, I’m smart, I’m just having trouble” afterwards.

And yeah, words hurt. I’ve learned that the hard way, driving away people that I didn’t learn to appreciate until later, but I can’t apologize bc I have no idea where or even who they are now. Friends, strangers, even my niece (I’m working on not doing that with her tho, I love the little kid, she’s so awesome and smart and kind, at least when she doesn’t have her moms shitty attitude).

And I can forgive, but I will not forget. Kinda like the quote “The lumberjack forgets the pain he causes, but the tree always remembers.” I’m working on that too, trying to forgive others. I’m working on a lot about myself lately, I’m just realizing. I still hold grudges, esp against the person who sent the ask last year telling me to kill myself, but I don’t know if I have or haven’t forgiven them. I don’t know if I have or haven’t forgiven an old friend after what she pulled at my birthday 2 years ago, and I don’t know if I can. There are some things that can’t be forgiven, but this is so small, but it hurts so much still.

I forgive you, and I hope you have some better days coming, honestly.

If you want, you can keep sending asks when you have a bad day? They can stay anonymous, and I can try to help, if that’s okay with you. I can be part of your support system, if you want.

I’m working on a lot of things, and I hope maybe this can help you start working a little to be happier, less full of anger all the time?

But please, be kind to yourself, and if you can’t always be kind to others, then try to find a way to avoid them or ignore them. (I don’t know if I can do that with the boys in my math class tho, they are so loud and I got basically punched in the arm by one of them today, it hurt)

I love you, anon. Please be kind to yourself, and I’m here if you need to talk again. ❤️

You are enough. I love you.

(Also sorry I took forever to respond to your ask, but I saw this right before class, and then school basically drained all of my energy 😭 and then I had a shit load of homework I had to do, at least I get out for break tmrw thank god)

[icedmetaltea]

Girl I must've made 20 phonecalls today I swear to GOD

I.... think??? I got my phone issue solved, I called tmobile to see what the issue was and they just had me reset something, but now idk if it's working or not cause I was able to get a text from my mom when I asked her for it but I tried an online service to text myself and that didn't go through, so who knows. He said I can call back on monday if I'm still having issues so we'll see

Tried calling the numbers my therapist gave me for doctors on my insurance offering telehealth, and they all had the same general helpline. Got redirected maybe 7 times, the last one was incredibly static-filled so idk most of what she said but I got set up with an appointment for monday for someone who MIGHT be able to help but wouldn't be able to be a pcp... whatever that means

But then I got an estimate on the app I had to sign up for that it would be $88 out of pocket for the uninsured but the place I signed up for IS my insurance????? So I tried calling the helpline for that multiple times and got no answer, emailed but haven't gotten an answer and doubt they will on a weekend. So now I'll probably have to cancel that since I can't afford that shit

So???? Idk. I don't honestly know if after the 3 hours of calling I made any progress at all. I still have that thing on the 18th- or whenever the person from that one service comes back from vacation, so maybe they can help me figure something out.

Cause I'm getting rlly worried I have sleep apnea and/or high BP but I also can't go anywhere till I get the car trauma stuff figured out. I guess my biggest concern is the apnea cause that can cause high bp if so. I was told remote sleep studies are a thing and if medicaid can cover that I'll try to get it... but I doubt the doc I currently have would provide it considering whenever I ask about anything they always say the same "can't help you unless you come in person" shite

Like surely there are people who can't leave their houses. Should they be denied all medical care??? Fuck my life ughhhhh

But yea could be better could be worse I guess. Gonna have a full meal for the first time in like a week and chill cause I am DONe adulting for one day

[kindlythevoid]

For the talk about your fics game: 1, 2, 4 (OC of your choice), and 8!

Ohhh, thank you so much for asking!!! I really took this opportunity to lore dump about, well, basically everyone and everything I think, and it turned out to be a very long post. And as I myself hate scrolling and scrolling through posts that I've already seen (unless it's the color of the sky), I will put it under the keep reading for the sake of brevity.

Read at your own risk.

(But thank you very much for asking, seriously, I love lore dumping so so much)

1. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that you’ll most likely publish next?

Probably In Every Stitch and Seam, which mostly follows Season Two of my BBC Merlin rewrite where Arthur gets shot back to the beginning of the first season after he dies. I'm playing with some other stories that I'd like to publish at some point, but unless I manage to write a really well-written one shot, Stitch and Seam will probably be the next one.

2. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that will most likely linger in your head for an undetermined amount of time?

All of 'em? None of 'em? It really depends on the time, ha ha! A lot of them are in the in-my-head stage. I hope one day to publish them. Maybe one day, I'll even write them!

4. Lore dump about the OCs! (Author's choice)

So, originally I was going to try to pick one. But fuck it, I made the damn game, it says plural OCs in the question, I'm just gonna go off about all of them bc that's what the game is for. Thank you for asking!! I'm just gonna go down the list of tags I originally had.

So, Mara, is, actually, my Supernatural OC. Super cringe, yes, but I love her and I have a whole story more-or-less plotted out and everything. Like this thing spans so much time. But I'm here to talk about Mara. So, omgosh, Mara Deana Winchester is Sam's kid that he has with Amelia when Dean is stuck in Purgatory after Season Seven. So, like, obviously I make every change I've ever wanted for the show, but, like, it hinges on the existence of this girl. Sam has a kid, and immediately the whole universe changes. But because Supernatural is canonically part of a multiverse, there's a universe out there with the original Supernatural plotline, but we won't get into that. (I've never lore dumped about my characters, sorry for rambling on about the story instead, ha ha!) So, anyway, Amelia doesn't want the kid and her husband comes back, so Sam takes her and him and Dean and Cas have to raise this girl. In a bunker. Like, better than what John did. That's like, the lowest of bars. And Mara really takes after Sam, but she has all these random influences and is, like, taken on hunts?? As a child?? Or left with Jody and the girls or Charlie or something, so she very much has the childhood of a Hunter, but she still sees the Bunker as, like, her permanent childhood home, which does wonders for her, I'm sure. Anyway, so she grows up and becomes a therapist, because I am convinced that the Hunters need to have, like, benefits or something. So she's a licensed therapist, but she's also, like, 6'3, built like a lumberjack, with a bunch of anti-possession tattoos and scars and shit, so the first session always goes really interestingly. There's also a side story (several, probably) where I cross over with freaking Criminal Minds (bc ofc) and Mara ends up dating JJ's now-adult son, Henry, which just means chaos at the wedding because half of Mara's family is on the Most Wanted List and the other half probably doesn't legally exist, so. Yeah, idk if that's how you talk about OCs, but there's number one down.

Okay, next up is Kirsi. She is one of my two main Star Wars OCs. She's a Rexsoka kid, it's true, yeah, born about two or so years after the rise of the Empire, yeah, yeah. So Kirsi is Togrutan, like Ahsoka, but she looks exactly like Rex (and consequently like a bajillion other soldiers in the universe, funny how that works) and she isn't Force-sensitive. And since I made them before Bad Batch, I'm sticking with the reason that Rex and co. is retired is because he's staying behind to raise the kids (yes, kids, I'll get to that later), while Ahsoka goes around doing Ahsoka things (though she also picks them up and takes them for, like, half the year, because I couldn't bear the thought of Ahsoka not playing a part in their lives). So, anyway, when Ezra goes to pick up Rex, Kirsi and her sister (the next OC) go along with them, but as, like, equally side characters. Kirsi eventually goes off to properly join the Rebellion and shit and ends up running her own ship called Judgement Day.

Kirsi's older sister, Aay'han, is Force-sensitive. She's human, looks like Ahsoka, and is basically Ahsoka's padawan for all intents and purposes. Although, after her, Kirsi, and Rex end up in the same orbit as the Ghost crew, Aay'han does some training with Kanan and Ezra just bc Ahsoka is gone so often. But while Kirsi officially joins the Rebellion, Aay'han remains sort of anonymous. Like, she helps out, but she never has to take orders. She does, however, join the crew of the Judgement Day once that becomes a thing. (I guess she's more of a side OC as of right now, but it felt right to give her her own blurb)

Okay, okay, so my Sole Survivors I'm gonna do together, because I believe it's short. Ish. Nate and Nora are my take on Fallout 4's sole survivors, except, y'know, they both survive. I stick with the Army-Nate and Lawyer-Nora narrative, but Nate was a medic/doctor/nurse-person (I haven't solidified it yet, but he does the Medicine) and Nora's been diagnosed with ASPD, so she's actually one of the very, very few people that is both a sociopath and a psychopath! I basically assigned certain SPECIAL characteristics and the various paths to either Nate or Nora, so Nora's really good at, say, lockpicking and hacking from her misspent youth, while Nate has crazy good endurance and probably ends up as a ghoul at some point so he can deal with the radiation spots! They're both, like, eerily okay with murder and are on a mission to find Shaun. Nate just keeps adopting ppl on the way. And Nora's low-empathy, but she can still reason and shit, so she's not, like, a villain or anything. But yeah, power couple Nate & Nora. :)

Like Nate and Nora, I'm just gonna do the crew of Judgement Day all as one. The Judgement Day is the same ship that Kirsi pilots. Her co-pilot is Miikka, who's ginger, flies planes, and ends up with Kirsi. Their navigator is Solene (goes by Lena), a bubbly purple Twilek who really loves the stars and is the cinnamon roll of the ship (do ppl even still use that terminology anymore??). Their resident mechanic is a Chiss named Kres'ave'kleon (...Savek, he goes by Savek), who desperately needs an attitude check but is, unfortunately, very good with ships and doesn't really care that they're running Rebellion missions. They also have a live-in hacker who is their primary contact with the black market; she's a Mirialan who goes by Kalea and is the only one who gets their own room on the ship. Finally, they also have slicer, a human cyborg ex-smuggler from back in the war named Gene. Kalea gets them in, but Gene is the one that deals with sending codes and transmissions and shit to the Rebellion.

So, that was a lot. But I only mostly regret typing it all out!

8. Fic that is near and dear to your heart?

Oh goodness, where do I start? Though I've only published a few, all of the ones I write occupy a little place in my heart. But as the longest fic I've ever written, one of the very few I've finished, and part of the handful that have made it onto Ao3... Love the Bright Sword. As of right now it's definitely one of my better, if not best, written pieces, and everything in Rewind I really feel is some of my best quality writing. I've definitely sunk a few years of my life into this fic, just sort of writing on and off, and I remember staying up late to rewatch episodes and studiously take down how dialogue is said or how a scene is played out, just over and over again. I still do, when I come across an episode I need to write out, but, oh, those were some days. That was my first time getting comments on a fic, real long comments, and I took every chance I could to talk about how a scene was written, or how much I love a certain character, or what I learned while researching, or analysis, so much analysis on my own damn fic. (Hell, I still do it when I can, ha ha!) I consider myself so lucky to have landed with the audience that I have, because it really made the experience so much better than I ever could have imagined.

Okay, so, maybe not what you were expecting, op, but than you anyway!! I really appreciated the opportunity to go off like this!! :)

Kindly,

The Void

[slashingdisneypasta]

So uh, do you remember my Tiny Tots AU? Well, I've thought of a few more things for it, if you'd like to hear XD of course you can easily ignore this too ^^

- Ok so in your second chapter of the Smartass' Daughter AU, it looked like that lady was initially drawn towards Wheezy because he was holding baby Y/N (but got ensnared by his beautiful eyes~). What if this became SUCH a common thing in the Tiny Tots AU? Like, so many women (and men) see just-starting-to-smoke-probably Wheezy with all these kids of varying ages, sees how much of a dad he is over all of them despite the fact none of them are his, and swoon over it? Maybe they assume he's some teacher, or a town baby sitter or something, but either way, they all feel similarly? Idk I just think this is funny XD

- What if Wheezy, and by extension Greasy since he's SUPPOSED to be the other responsible one here, get to befriend some of the parents? Not all of them, like I doubt he'd like Psycho's, depending on what they're like before the sanitorium, and he definitely has no respect for Poppy's. But like he and Smartass' and Stupids mum! I can definitely see her appreciating him watching over her sons very much ^^ (on this note, imagine Wheezy's cousins catching wind of this 'daycare' he's running and telling Mr. And Mrs. Wheezy.)

(This is for your headcannon of their families specifically since I'm still trying to figure out how I see their family situations. I'll get back to you with this when I do if you want XD)

- So, Greasy desperately needs some therapy. Wheezy might as well be an unlicensed therapist with the way I depict them. Maybe, even though Greasy is constantly leaving him with the kids and getting into trouble, they wind up bonding? Not necessarily a father-son bond, but maybe more like brothers? Idk, I just need Wheezy comforting Greasy when he's having a particularly rough day.

(Imagine Stupid, and possibly Poppy, being a comfort to Greasy too! Like taking care of Stu could distract Greasy from whatever is bugging him, and he's reassured that at least this little tyke likes him, even if the rest of the world seems against him ^^ and with Poppy. Well, she's a slightly older baby, so she doesn't quite understand why he's upset on a deeper level. But I can see her just hugging him, regardless if he's got a sneer or a defensive posture, and just telling him that everything will be ok. She'd try to stay until he feels better ^^)

- Psycho and Greasy totally develop a childish rivalry. Like the kind that makes Greasy wonder half the time why the hell he's even dealing with this little twit, and the other half he's being just a petty as Psycho is. Idk how it started- you know what? There wasn't even a beginning probably. Psycho met Greasy, this shifty teenager who smells funny, and immediately decided he didn't like him. It's like those videos of babies who start crying as soon as they're in somebody's arms XD except this child can and will bite-

- Alright, back to angst. Smarty is more than likely really stressed with having to take care of his little brother. It's no one's fault, his mom has to work so hard just to put food on the table and before Wheezy, there wasn't any other adult in their lives they could trust. But it doesn't change the fact that he still had to grow up faster than he should have because of this (maybe this is where he gets his leader instincts? So at least there's that). Fortunately, he's got Wheezy, and sometimes Greasy, to help out ^^ unfortunately, they came with all these other children so Smarty has to deal with that too XD

- Since Psycho and Poppy are friends in this AU, what if their families wound up knowing each other too? Idk what Psycho's family would think about her parents, but her parents definitely didn't approve of the little weasel friend she's made. I can imagine if one set of parents find out that their child is gone though, they'll call up the other household and ask if their kid is missing too. If yes, both families know that their kids are off together doing lord knows what XD (maybe this could lead to Poppy finding out about Psycho being left at the sanitorium too! She would definitely help get him out, or at least convince his family to take him back out).

- Roger and Jessica aren't really around that much. They'd kinda be like side characters in a TV show that only show up in a few episodes, I guess? But I'm imagining that they and the weasels and Poppy all run into each other on occasion. If Roger and Poppy are related, they'd show up and hang out more often. But if not, then there wouldn't really be a way/reason for them to interact with the others that I can see (unless Psycho still chases after Roger, and now Jessica has to defend her friend from the scary kid XD)

- Now that Shiny has officially been created, I gotta figure out how she fits in this AU. But this definitely would take place during her magician phase. She and Jessica are also the same age- maaaybe even know each other? Still debating it.

And that's all I got so far. I hope you like these! ^^

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH man, this is all so amazing, I just- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!, the tiny tots au and all your ideas for it are so so obsess-worthy!!

'that's all I got so far'- 'THATS ALL'?? What do you mean, 'that's all', this a novel and more then we deserve!! XD 🧡💛💚💙💜

I cant even- I wanna add more because I feel like that is how I can properly express my loveee for this AU and your work but I really cant think of anything, this is all just overwhelmingly good!! Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much for sharing!!!

Every single dot point had me grinning from ear to ear XD

[coexistentialism]

Thank you for sharing! (From the anon who asked about what led you to get assessed for DID.)

I've been thinking for a while now about signs many therapists (and other people of course) often overlook for DID because of expecting some United States of Tara style dramatic switching with super obvious alters and all that. And also a lot of us having amnesia for our amnesia.

Like I remember sharing with a previous therapist that I felt like I didn't even know how to be myself because "I'll feel like I am being myself, but then I look back and I'm like, why did I say that, that's not what I actually think" and "I don't even know what being myself would look like, because every time I think I understand something about myself, it seems to change"... but if she ever considered the possibility of me having a CDD, she never told me so.

But I'm also someone whose DID presents in some less common ways, and I feel like if things hadn't lined up for me exactly how they did that led to me getting diagnosed, I might still not know to this day. And that's troubling to me, because for me/us personally, understanding our condition and thus becoming able to work together has allowed us to do so much healing.

So I've been thinking about things like chronic identity confusion (beyond what's typical for a person's age/developmental stage), frequent headaches or migraines, and chronic dissociation that maybe therapists should take as like... things that should put the possibility on their radar. (Obviously those can also be caused by other things, but that's why I say possibility.) Because I feel like so many therapists just never even consider the possibility of a client having a CDD, which can then lead to us not getting the right support.

I had a whole thing typed out but Tumblr fuckin' ate it lmfao

The gist for me is: yeah, I definitely don't know if I would have ever gotten diagnosed.

The first psych I saw for a diagnosis, and this was One (1) appointment for like 20 minutes barely. She said "split personality is what it really is" ....... She told me about her therapist friend with DID ???

I decided to go back and read my old messages about that appointment since I don't remember a whole lot (lol I wonder why 🤪) and God. It's always so much worse than I remember.

Apparently I waited far longer than I thought. The timestamps of these messages. Waiting for well over 30 minutes. God.

(Red part is a specific alter's name)

Bro I don't remember half of the things I described here lmfao

But uh. The next therapist I tried to see was someone who worked for, or worked with or was associated with? The ISST-D. Generally a trustworthy organization that is well-educated, right?

This guy invalidated me a lot and during my time with him as a therapist, it was just. All sorts of bad.

I don't really remember a whole lot, just that he worked with IFS, and he is now the reason why I want nothing to do with IFS stuff. This is why, when people try to recommend helpful IFS stuff, I have to politely decline, because I just. Want nothing to do with it, not after this therapist.

He tried to do some shitty IFS grounding thing that didn't help or work and just actively made me uncomfortable (because he called me the name Ethan and I didn't like that at the time, and well gee I wonder why I didn't like being called Ethan).

He tried to say that it seemed more like I had DPDR and not DID, which I then said "I don't know, because I just don't really experience the common dissociative episodes like 'feeling like you aren't real/the world around you isn't real/etc.' not really." which is so funny. Going to a therapist for a diagnosis of a CDD and saying "idk I don't really experience the dissociative symptoms really" which can either be even more of a sign of dissociation or just means the person really just doesn't dissociate much, but for me it was just the dissociation making me think I don't get that. Even still, I don't, but I know I do dissociate in plenty of other ways, just. Not the common DPDR episodic descriptions.

There was a time where I was staring off into space, dissociating, and he asked me "what's the last thing you remember?" which told me that I'm pretty sure he was expecting the Hollywood-esque kind of DID switching and alters, which pissed me off so much. And not just that, but if you have a patient who is coming to you to figure out if they have DID, asking them such a question like that would be incredibly stressful??? At least for me, if somebody asked me that, I would be put off guard so badly. And I was! I was shocked he said that and just like wtf. And obviously I told him yeah I know what you've told me and what we're talking about rn because that's not how (my) amnesia fucking works.

I then went to check that guy's website and he ???? There was a lot of stuff of referring to mental health as madness??

He was also a trans guy, so he said that he was going to be out for a while because he was getting top surgery. And he said he was going to have a different therapist fill in for him? Which like. I wouldn't have been necessarily opposed to, but there are so many issues with that?? Like first off, I had never met the person he said was going to fill in for me. They don't know me, my history, and certainly SHOULDN'T know those things, if we're assuming that he didn't tell them anything. If you're going to have a patient that sees two different therapists at different times, there has to be a better way of going about that, not just telling me "okay, so this other therapist will fill in for the time being while I'm out." No warning, nothing. It was sprung on randomly and suddenly, and I didn't end up meeting that person because that was when I just stopped seeing him and didn't care anymore because he had invalidated me so much and caused me an increase in dissociative symptoms and whatnot that I just had enough.

I think many, many, many people with a DID presentation that is more like mine (or yours, I assume) go undiagnosed for years. I think that millions of people in the past have gone undiagnosed and never knew their alters, their system, their DID/OSDD. DID was only ever seen as "multiple personalities" a small number of distinct 'people' in one body/brain, and that means that people like me would have NEVER gotten even the smallest chance at getting diagnosed. Even when DID was starting to get more understood as more covert. Even STILL, we are missed and undiagnosed and never realized and recognized as having DID. EVEN PEOPLE WHO DO have more "overt" switches STILL go undiagnosed and misdiagnosed.

[youmarin]

ESCORT | SUNA RINTARO X FEM! READER *NSFW,+18

genre: smut. *basically no plot.*

Obviously Timeskip! Suna

word count: 1.8K

A/N: This is horny jail pt. 2 in this blog. Had this fic idea a few days ago based on the song above. I'm not sure I'll ever come back to it. Also not used to write smut so idk if this is good or not. It's not a secret to anyone that knows me that I love Chase Atlantic. When they dropped this song I learned it in less than 24 hours (I had the snippet on repeat until then xd).

He didn’t feel like doing this anymore. He made a move to stand up, “Look, we don’t have to do anything. You can keep the money.” 

With one hand, you nudged him by his shoulder, making him sit back down on the side of the bed, standing between his legs “If you walk out now, they’ll know you backed down. That’s bad for business. Bad for me.” you pouted, bending in front of him so he had a clear view of your tits as one of your hands snaked down to palm him through his pants. A gasp left his mouth, and you whispered, your lips almost brushing his ear. “If you just wanted to sit around and talk you could’ve just gone to one of your friends, maybe a therapist. But you’re here because you wanted this. You want this, right?” You had to ask again, words failing to reach him as he focused on the new sensation. He nodded as he slowly lost his composure, letting out laboured breaths. “Then I’ll give it to you.” 

Kneeling in front of him, you slipped his pants down along with his underwear, he helped you taking off his shirt. His eyes followed your every movement. “You have a nice cock.” you admired and he was taken aback by your boldness. Then he remembered this wasn’t something strange to you by how you made your living but he quickly brushed the thought aside. 

 “Oh fuck.” Curses started to leave his lips as you took him in your mouth, bobbing your head up and down. You looked up, keeping eye contact with him as you sucked him. He thought you looked so good like that, so pretty. Catching your breath, you kitten licked his tip, hands wrapping on the base, heavenly noises leaving his mouth. As you moved to go back down on him, his hands tangled in your hair, ruining it, thrusting into your mouth. “Fu-Fuck, I’m sorry.” he breathed out. The warmth of your mouth left him as you removed yourself  and he thought he had upset you. 

“Use me.”  you breathed out. “Fuck my mouth.” He grunted, but didn’t waste time to fulfill your demand. Standing up, he started to fuck your face, not worrying about holding back this time around. You grabbed on his thighs for support, tears falling down your cheeks as you moaned around him, the vibrations increasing his pleasure. Looking down on you, eyes hazy, he saw himself disappearing into your mouth and on your throat, your pretty face streaked with tears and some drool falling down your chin and onto the floor. One of your hands started to trail down to your core. He wasn’t going to last much longer with such a view.

“I’m gonna cum.” He warned, hips stuttering. He tried removing himself from your mouth, but your firm hold on his thighs stopped him and before he knew it he was cumming down your throat, moans and curses abandoning his lips like a prayer. 

When he was done, you wiped your mouth, licking your fingers as he sat back down to catch his breath, looking at you as you got up from your knees to find your new place on his lap, straddling him. He grabbed onto your hips tightly, trying to guess your next move. 

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kissed him. He could taste himself in your mouth. When you pulled back, you asked, tilting your head, “Do you still want to leave? We have all night.” 

“I shouldn't have come here. So yeah, I should leave now.” you laughed and he frowned. 

“I just sucked your cock.” you played with the hairs at the back of his head. “You can’t tell me you weren’t enjoying it.” 

“I did.” He admitted, “But now it’s over.” 

“You’re being selfish.” You started to grind your hips on top of him, effectively making his breath hitch, his abdomen tensing under the feather like touch of one of your hands before you ran your fingernails over the skin. You smiled to yourself.

“Don’t you think I deserve to feel good too?” Then you guided one of his hands to your clothed heat and he could feel the dampness in the fabric. You sure knew how to make it hard to resist, his will crashing down. “Please, make me feel good.” And you kissed him again, your tongue tracing his bottom lip, as he allowed you to deepen the kiss. He couldn’t deny you after hearing you speak to him like that. His hand went back down between your thighs, pushing your panties to the side before slipping one finger in, making you moan into his mouth. 

“I’ll have to stretch you out on my fingers first.” He let out a deep groan.Your slick let him slide his finger in and out with ease and soon enough he was adding another one, relishing in your reaction while he left open mouthed kisses in your jaw and down your neck. You held onto his shoulders as you thrusted down on his fingers, whimpering as he curled them inside you. “Now, does that feel good?” he taunted.

“Yes.” you sighed, “Very.” 

“Yeah?” he let out a breathy laugh. Looking up at you, he saw your face contorted in pleasure, completely lost in the feeling. Fuck, you looked so hot he thought your image would end up burned into his mind. He added a third finger, the room filled with your curses and the wet sounds of his fingers thrusting up your pussy. You started clenching around him, feeling him get deeper and he knew you were close, moaning and convulsing on top of him before coating his digits with your cum. You were panting as he helped you ride out your orgasm, but suddenly, he was pulling you off him and moving to sit back against the headboard. “Come over here.” 

You did as he said, crawling over the bed and stopping right in front of him. He pulled you roughly to sit back down on his lap. “You’re finally going to fuck me?” you teased, grinding on him, covering his length with your juices. 

“No.” he hissed, grabbing your hips to make you stop for a moment, “Since you seem to want this more than me, I’m going to watch you fuck yourself on my cock.” 

“Don’t lie to me. You want this as bad as I do.” 

“Then don’t make me wait.” He kissed you sloppily, hands roaming your body, kneading the skin of your ass and your tits, bunching up the thin material of your top, as you raised yourself up aligning him to your entrance before slowly sinking down on him. You whimpered, feeling the stretch and had to stop yourself for a moment, making him chuckle. “What’s wrong? Now you can’t take it?” he let out a groan as he felt you fluttering around him, looking down to where you two joined, cursing at the obscene sight. Quickly shutting him up, you suddenly went all the way down, both of you moaning loudly. Tears pricked your eyes but you didn’t let them fall, not wanting to give him that satisfaction. And then you were bouncing on his dick, one of his hands wrapped on your waist while the other held the back of your neck, pulling you into a heated kiss, muffling your moans. 

Completely laying down with you still on top of him, he brought one hand up again to your neck, squeezing it just enough to have your eyes rolling back as you continued your movements. “I’m going to cum.” you said between pants, moaning loudly when he started to meet your thrusts, guiding your hips down on him. He was finally taking some initiative, for this whole time you’ve been working yourself on him. 

“Go ahead and make a mess, love.” His thrusts were rough and deep, had you seeing stars as you reached your climax.

 But he wasn’t done yet. Flipping you two over, he kept fucking you, pursuing his own orgasm. “What happened-“ a whimper, “with me doing all the job?” you moaned, wrapping your legs around his waist, your nails digging on his back deliciously. He ignored you, cursing as you clenched on him, getting drunk at the sound of you whimpering in his ear probably because of the overstimulation. You spoke up again when his thrusts became more irregular. “Are you going to cum inside me?” 

“Say you want it.” he commanded, lustful eyes staring at your fucked out face as you tried to speak up. 

“I want you,” you started between pants, “to fill me up.” 

He threw his head back, spilling inside of you as you creamed all around him once again. 

Suna collapsed on top of you, trying to calm his breath as his vision cleared, feeling your hands caress his hair as you softly kissed his neck and jaw. When he looked over at you, you placed a tender kiss on his lips, which he returned. It felt odd given the reality of things. 

You both hissed as he pulled out to get off you. He could see both of your releases leaking out of you as you stood up from the bed and grabbed your ruined panties from the floor, pointlessly trying to fix yourself up. You looked back at him, as he looked at you too from his position still lying on the bed, back propped up on the headboard. Strands of his hair were sticking to his forehead, faint blush on his cheeks, lips swollen, his skin shiny with a thin layer of sweat and the mess you did all over his thighs, in all his messy, sex afterglow glory. He was very handsome, you recognized, and as he smiled at you, it was like telling you that you were right. 

But this meant nothing but business, and it was done now. 

He had walked in and seen you,

Your movements filled with sensuality as you danced, 

Eyes unbeknownst to everyone empty of emotion just as your chest felt, 

As strangers showered you with money every other night.

Flashbacks of that night invaded his dreams 

Replaying behind his eyelids, 

“Please, make me feel good.” He’ll hear you say,

And he would wonder if you meant it to him, for only that moment,

Or if you were desperately seeking for the feeling to last longer. 

“I want you.” “I want you.” “I want you.”  

It wasn’t what you said, but his mind would trick him into it

He would wake up, sweaty and chest heaving 

Just as if he was back there, with you on top of him,

Or him staring down at your face as you reached your high. 

His days would pass by in a drift, and eventually they would lead him back to you. 

[blubushie]

For the "last of your breed" post- Y'ever consider properly writing the full bushman experience? Like, not just the cool stuff, but the mundane boring bits. The hardships. The bits where you feel looked down upon by city folk.

Maybe not a formal book or whatever- but like, a journal of sorts. Or a collection of journals. Little tidbits of your days that you write down. Rants, stories, whathaveyou.

I'm assuming bein a bushie is a "you gotta live it to understand it" kind of thing. But it'd be nice to have those writings for when you want to feel Real Nostalgic about a way of living gone, and you could idk, pass it down to some anklebiter of the family. To preserve the experience

It's very much is a matter of having to be there to understand it. I spoke to one therapist and she didn't understand why I have to sit next to the door or somewhere I can at least keep an eye on it, why my gun hand always has to be empty, why I can't sleep unless I have my back to something. She asked too many questions and I didn't see her again.

I used to keep a journal for a few months but I realised I didn't really write much in it. Mostly I used it for bookkeeping--animals I hunted, their sex/length/weight, how much meat and what cuts I got from them if I dressed them, current inventory of ammunition and medicines and food, keeping track of finances, etc.

I also hate writing by hand. It takes too long and my handwriting is too sloppy. Though that's common in autistics because of dyspraxia (which is often a comorbidity with autism) I don't have that and my fine motor skills are doing just fine. I just hate handwriting in general and don't do it much. I get frustrated with how long it takes, I lose my train of thought because of my slow speed, I get more frustrated and then I write too fast, and then it becomes too sloppy to read. It's so bad that my teachers would have me do writing assignments on my laptop because my handwriting was illegible at times, especially the longer I write. By the end of a paragraph it's chicken scratch.

Reckon I could get an old typewriter, but it'd be hard to find the ink ribbons for it. I do like the clack of a typewriter and know how to use them, though. I'll look into it when I get back to Australia.