#If he can’t continue at the university without the scholarship then that will be one less man who harasses his female classmates

[coochiequeens]

Hold men accountable for their behavior

[luvhughes43]

you are in love | luca fantilli

[luvhughes43 masterlist🌷]

request: Loved the Luca fic! Can you write one with him based on “you’re in love” by taylor?

word count: 3.8k words

one look, dark room, meant just for you

time moved too fast, you play it back

buttons on a coat, lighthearted joke

no proof, not much

but you saw enough

you weren’t drunk enough to truly enough the frat party luca had invited you too. you were chatting with a few girls from one of your classes, but your attention kept straying to your best friend of many years. 

luca was undoubtedly your best friend. he was the reason behind a lot of your decisions - like committing to the university of michigan - and the reason why you struggle to talk to other guys at parties like these. because despite it all, you would always feel love for your best friend even if you couldn’t speak on that part out loud. 

now of course you didn’t do everything for him but… sandbox love never dies. so when you discovered that michigan offered you a substantial scholarship… a school that your best friend coincidentally had committed to playing hockey for… how could you have turned it down? 

“okay, and i swear the lectures never make any sense! like there’s no structure at all” the girls around you continue to talk but you were no longer paying attention. Luca had caught your eye, mouthing a quick you okay? from across the crowded room. you nod politely, and turn your attention back to the girls in front of you. 

you're interrupted less than a minute later however when luca - grinning - taps on your shoulder. “you ready to go?” he asks, head so close to yours you could count his eyelashes if you wanted to. 

“yeah just let me go grab my coat,” you reply, waving goodbye to your friends and taking hold of lucas hand so the two of you don’t get separated. 

it takes a few minutes but you find your roommate gwen who was guarding your belongings for you, and you give her a quick hug before grabbing hold of all your things. 

“are you guys leaving?” she asks, looking between you and your best friend with a knowing glint in her eyes. 

luca nods and grabs your things from your hands. he has your purse slung around his shoulder and your coat held up for you to slip your arms into. 

“yeah, luca’s tired” you joke, smiling back at him as you pull your arms through your jacket sleeves. 

luca rolls his eyes and spins you around before buttoning up your coat for you. when he did things like this for you, you swore that it was impossible for your feelings to not be requited. 

“tired of being bored because you ditched me, maybe!” luca smiles, your burgundy bag still sitting pretty on his shoulder. 

“you're right, I should've known better! no party is fun without me,” your reply was meant to be taken as a joke but luca enthusiastically agrees with you. 

“alright, well you guys drive safe! yn text me when you get back home. i might be late,” gwen says, her eyes catching on somebody in the distance. 

“okay i will! love you, bye!” the two of you part ways, and luca immediately slips his hand back in yours under the guise of “not being separated…”

Small talk, he drives

coffee at midnights

the light reflects

the chain on your neck

lucas passenger side isn’t an uncommon place for you. everything about his car felt familiar. he had bought it used back in freshman year, and it was beat to all hell with the amount of hockey boys and trips it’s been through. 

“hey, did you hear that rutger got a girlfriend?” luca asks about five minutes into the drive. car rides between the two of you were mostly in comfortable silence, neither of you needing to say much to enjoy your time together. 

“no i didnt. is she nice?” you respond, letting your gaze shift from the dark streets in front of you to the boy beside you. 

“yeah, i think you’d really like her,” the conversation falls flat after that. you can’t help but pay attention to luca. his grown out hair, the way his hand flexed around the steering wheel… how the light is hitting the chain hanging from his neck just right. 

with all the years you’ve spent with luca, you’ve never once got tired of the sight of him. even when the two of you were back in toronto and he had braces with all the hideous band colours. 

you would also never get tired of his company. it was all just so easy being with him like this. even though you wanted more, you thought that it always going to be enough to just be his best friend. 

“do you want to get coffee?” lucas voice breaks through your thoughts, and your smile becomes impossibly wider. coffee at midnight - as strange as it sounds - became yours and lucas tradition ever since your first final season when the two of you were exhausted and in desperate need of caffeine. luca had managed to find the only coffee shop in ann arbor that was still open, and ever since then the tradition had continued. 

he says, “look up”

and your shoulders brush

no proof, one touch

but you felt enough

luca was at your usual spot in less than ten minutes, parking the car and rushing over to your door to open it. which was another one of your many traditions. you had seen it in a romcom once, something so simple and yet so charming at the same time, and since then whenever he could luca would open your door for you. 

“look up,” luca says, gesturing up to the sky adorned with hundreds of stars. 

you look up, shoulders brushing against lucas when you feel the familiar rush of butterflies in your stomach. 

luca looks down at you, a soft smile on his face as he appreciates you without you noticing. 

you can hear it in the silence

you can feel it on the way home

you can see it with the lights out

you are in love

true love

you are in love

the coffee shop is quiet when you enter, and you order yours and lucas coffees to-go. while you're waiting, you catch lucas gaze on you and your cheeks heat up accordingly. you were so in love with him… 

“i’ve got one sugar one cream, and two creams two sugars!” a barista calls out and you immediately grab your coffees. 

back in the car luca asks you a question, “do you want to stay at my place tonight?” now, this wasn’t something unfamiliar for you two but every time he asked it still felt like the first time. it felt like how it did years ago, like giggles and blushes and unspoken feelings. 

you easily accept, “yeah sounds good. i don’t have any of my things though”

“I bought you a toothbrush when i went to the store last week,” luca flashes you a smile.

“a little bit presumptuous huh?” you tease. whenever you’ve gone to lucas before it was always pre-planned. therefore there was no reason for you to leave any of your stuff at his place. 

“oh i knew it’d happen eventually,” he jokes. “I know you love me,” luca smiles again and your heart races. could he know? has he known all these years? 

when you don’t immediately respond, luca frowns. “you're my best friend… i’d hope you’d love me?”

you shake your head to rid yourself of your thoughts. “no, of course i love you. my best friend forever!” you sing, hoping that you’ve masked your feelings well. there was absolutely no way - even if there were multiple signs that luca loved you - that you were going to confess your feelings. you weren’t going to risk your many years of friendship on something that he may not actually feel. 

yn to gwen: hey! there’s been a change of plans and i’m staying at lucas tonight. be safe tonight!

gwen: ok!!! you be safe too🤭

morning, his place

burnt toast, sunday

you keep his shirt

lucas sheets are cold, and you know that because you're tangled in them. you push your hair out of your face and sit up in bed, quickly noticing your best friend’s absence. 

you let yourself adjust to your surroundings for a moment, before a whiff of something burnt reaches your nose. 

“luca?” you call out, before getting out of his bed and making your way into the kitchen. 

luca was standing there in his pajamas, trying and failing miserably to cook breakfast. he looks up at the sound of your voice, eyes trailing your body as he takes in your outfit. 

“i’m loving the look,” he says, referring to his shirt and sweats you borrowed last night. 

you roll your eyes, laughing lightly as you walk up to luca to assess the damages he's done to the food. “how is it that you’re 21 and don’t know how to cook?” 

“aht! aht! aht! this is gourmet!” he gestures towards two messy plates. 

“ah sorry!” you amend. “i wasn’t familiar with your work” 

“yes! this is the great fantilli breakfast which i am proud to serve…” he passes you a plate and you smile up at him as you lean against his counter. 

the two of you eat in silence for a while before luca pauses and looks up at you. “you should keep that shirt by the way,” he says, completely catching you off guard. 

you wipe the crumbs from the corner of your mouth, “really?” you set your plate to the side. 

“yeah it looks really good on you,” 

you hum in agreement, twirling around in the kitchen so luca can see the full effect of his shirt. “i think i look really good in your car too!” you tease and luca sets his plate down. 

“oh yeah?” he replies, smirking.

“mhmm think i might have to keep it,” you advance towards luca playfully, grabbing ahold of his hands when you finally reach him. 

luca squeezes your hands, “sorry but the car comes with me,” 

you pause for a minute, pretending to contemplate whether the car, luca included, was worth it. “i think… i can find a place for you!”

“oh you think?” luca laughs, breaking apart from your hold to tickle your sides. 

“okay i know so!” you pant, trying but failing to break free from lucas grasp. 

“hmm.. I don’t think i heard you…” he teases, not pausing from his tickling. 

“okay okay! I want you and the car!” you yell, and when luca stops his attacks on your sides you fall against him. he wraps his arms around you and all of sudden you feel the butterflies from earlier float from your stomach and up to your chest. 

he keeps his word

and for once, you let go

of your fears and your ghosts

luca drives you home later that afternoon. you're clad in his t-shirt and your jeans from last night, and for a moment you allow yourself to forget about your rules and to imagine what it’d be like if luca was really your boyfriend. 

one step, not much

but it said enough

you kiss on sidewalks

you fight, then you talk

months go by and you two are still in the same positions that you’ve always been in - helplessly in love but too afraid to say anything. 

it was graduation weekend, 4 long years of university long gone and so were your childhood years well beyond that. you hold luca’s hand comfortably as the two of you walk around campus one last time as students. the sun was setting, and there was nowhere else that you would rather be. 

“remember first year when we were walking to the library and some girl came up to you and asked you for your phone number? did you give it to her? i can't remember anymore,” you ask mindlessly. 

luca hums in acknowledgement, “yeah i remember. but no i didn’t give it to her,” he responds, squeezing your hand. “remember when that guy… what's his name? from the football team spilt his drink on your top at the first party we went to here?”

you snort, recalling the memory. “yeah, and then he asked me to dance”

“did you dance with him? i can't remember,” luca asks. 

you lead luca forward, “no i didn’t” 

the two of you send each other knowing glances but neither of you acknowledges the obvious truth between the two of you. you were both in love. 

when you get to a crosswalk you pause and turn to luca. “remember in second when i was late for econ and i almost got hit by a car because i was running and didn’t look before crossing the road?” that was an awful day. everything had been going wrong but there had been one nice moment… luca had brought you dinner at the end of the day and the two of you sat together as you both ranted about how much harder second year was turning out to be. 

luca doesn’t respond, and when you look up at him he blanks. “lu…?” 

you hadn’t even realized that he was moving towards you until he kissed you. lips soft as they brushed against yours in an impossibly tender kiss. it lasts a few seconds, and when luca pulls away you sigh. 

“wow…” “i’m sorry, i don’t know why i did that” you both speak at the same time, both of your tones are drastically different. 

“oh” your shock was clearly evident because luca started back pedaling. 

“like it was nice but i don't…” 

“don't what…” 

luca is the one to sigh this time and it’s not out of pleasure. “we’re best friends i shouldn’t have done that,” 

at first you were hurt, but then you were angry. who cared if you were best friends? you felt so strongly about luca and now more than ever you knew he felt that same way. “luca-”

“no we don’t have to talk about this, really. it was a mistake and it won’t happen again,” he assures you, and your heart breaks. you nod silently, biting the inside of your cheek as you drop lucas hand and turn back to where you had just walked from.

“i think i’m going to head back now… it's getting kind of chilly,” you lie, just wanting to be free from luca. 

luca starts to shrug off his sweater but you hold one of your hands up to stop him. “no, you should have it” he tries again but you still don’t let him give you his sweater.

you let out a weak laugh, thinking back to the time luca had given you his shirt earlier in the year. you had let yourself think that he liked you back… “i’m fine, thanks” is all you say before you start to walk back to your apartment. this time instead of holding hands, you're holding yourself. 

weeks later this moment becomes insignificant to the both of you, but that doesn’t mean you still don’t reflect on it whenever luca shows any type of affection towards you. 

one night, he wakes

strange look on his face

pauses, then says

“you’re my best friend”

and you knew what it was

he’s in love

graduation is long over now, and your first summer out of school treats you with kindness. yours and lucas friends had decided to rent a beach house along the coast of florida, and so for the past week you’ve done nothing but drink and lounge happily with your group of people. 

rutgers girlfriend, you were quick to find out, was insanely nice and kind. the two of you had grown close, and so it came to no surprise that when luca spotted rutgers girlfriend outside, that you were close by. 

“i’m headed off to bed,” luca says, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “just thought i’d let you know so you don’t go looking for me,” he jokes, pulling you into his side like any boyfriend would. except you werent dating, and the bed he was referring to was being shared between the two of you since there weren't enough rooms for everybody to get their own. 

“okay, i’ll meet you in a bit,” you respond, breaking eye contact with rutgers girlfriend and turning your attention to your best friend. 

“sounds good,” is all luca says before dropping his arm and sauntering back into the house. you wish your eyes knew better than to trail after him and yet… you couldn’t help but stare at his back muscles as he retreated. it was going to be a long summer…

when you crawled into bed that night, luca was already asleep. you stare up at the ceiling fan, wondering if you’d ever fall out of luca. it was getting too hard to love him. 

luca always had some strange extra sense when it came to you. so it came to no shock that he had awoken shortly after you had laid down. you turned your head away from the ceiling and onto the brunette boy laying next to you.

“you’re my best friend,” luca mumbles, moonlight from the open window casting a soft glow onto his face. 

“you’re my best friend too,” you reply simply, voice breaking slightly as you realize the weight of your words. best friends… it was all you were ever going to be. 

“no, don’t be upset…” luca whispers, wiping away the tears that were rolling down your face. the genuine concern on his face made you want to cry harder. his first thought was always to protect you. 

“i’m sorry,” 

“no sorry,” he slurs, sleep catching up to him. 

you don’t say anything in reply, opting for the silence to wash over the two of you once more. luca didn’t remember this exchange in the morning. 

you can hear it in the silence

you can feel it on the way home

you can see it with the lights out

you are in love

true love

you are in love

once the trip is over you fly back to your family home in toronto. you busy yourself with work and childhood friends, and things start to become a new normal for you. now that you and luca weren’t living in michigan anymore, your hang outs became much more sparse. 

or at least, until adam had a game against the leafs and luca had sent you tickets to watch the game with him. 

you sat next to luca during the game, shoulders brushing and smiles exchanged. and you so desperately knew that even if neither of you could vocalize your feelings, there would always be love between you. 

you two are dancing in a snow globe ‘round and ‘round

and he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown

and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

and why i’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words

five years go by and you and luca are still close friends. though instead of midnight coffee and study sessions it’s a quick lunch and texts between work tasks. 

tonight was different though, because you were being promoted at work and so you dressed up in your finest attire for the dinner being thrown in your honour. you had told luca all about it, and when you stood up in front of your colleagues and their spouses to accept your new position in the company, you were delighted to catch a glimpse of luca amongst the crowd. 

when everything was over and done, you walk as fast as you can to luca. “lu you’re here!” you shriek, throwing yourself into his open arms. the two of you rock back and forth for a moment, completely enamoured with one another. 

“of course I'm here! i'm so proud of you,” he smiles widely, never dropping his arms from around you. 

“thank you for being here,” you mirror his smile, giggling slightly when you realize his attention is still solely on you. 

‘cause you can hear it in the silence

you can feel it on the way home

at the end of the night luca drives you home instead of letting you take an uber. his car is much nicer now that he’s out of university, and you want to make a joke similar to the one from all those years ago… something about wanting his car and him, but you can't remember it properly enough to recite it. 

you can see it with the lights out

you are in love

true love

you are in love

when you're parked, luca steps out first and rounds the front of his car. he opens your door as he did all those years before, and all the butterflies from years prior seem to find their wings again as they start to flutter. you’re in love.

“thank you,” you say as you step out of luca’s car. you look up at the night sky, to be pleasantly surprised by the amount of stars that rarely grace the toronto skyline. “luca look up,” you tug on his blazer sleeve. 

when luca meets your gaze and looks up at the sky, he can only think of one thing. he’s in love. 

“yn…” luca whispers just as you tilt your head to face him. 

“luca…” you turn your body towards him, both of you are still standing right next to lucas car in your parking lot. 

before you can doubt yourself, you’re leaning over and grazing your lips against your best friends. luca doesn’t pause this time, instead he pulls you closer to him as he deepens your kiss. you sling your arms around his shoulders, and his hand rests itself on the back of your head. 

when you pull apart you're both breathing heavily. “wow…” “wow…” you both echo each other and luca leans his forehead against yours. 

“i’m sorry if this is too soon but… i love you,” 

you can’t help but giggle at his words. “lu we’ve been waiting for what seems like a lifetime,” you slip your lips back against his and pull apart much sooner than you would like. “i love you too,” 

“good,” luca’s smile is breathtaking. “because i’m never letting you go again,” 

you tighten your grip around his neck and you let your hand find its rightful place in the hairs at the back of his neck. “who says i was going to let you?” you hum. “i’ve waited way too long for this,” 

luca’s lips are on yours again, and for a moment it feels like you can't breathe between the love coursing through your veins and all the butterflies. “way too long,” luca whispers as he pulls his lips away from yours. 

you can feel it on the way home

you can see it with the lights out

you are in love

true love

you are in love

[kess-in-the-perthchimzone]

Mini fic: Wind & windmill tattoos

For @naomi-obsessions — I so deeply appreciate that you love the Critical Obsession podcast as much as I do and have shared your feedback with them! And based on this absolutely phenomenal post by @srnileforme (who also gets the credit for the image immediately below)

The week of a major conference at the university, Sailom walks away from his shifts at the coffee shop with hundreds of baht in tips from international visitors looking to get rid of their banknotes. The money burns a hole in his pocket during his rainy walk home. Even years later, even with his debts fully paid, he can’t turn off the voice in his head that tells him to save it for the end of the month. He has to argue with himself for a few minutes until the thought subsides — he doesn’t need to save it. Between his scholarship and his part time jobs, he has plenty stashed away.

What he really wants to do with it is use it for something nice for Kang. Their fourth anniversary is coming up and he knows from experience that Kang is going to go all out. It’s one of two days a year — his birthday being the second — that Kang has negotiated to be able to spoil him without protest. At an absolute minimum, Sailom can expect some expensive dinner, at least one new outfit, and a night in a five-star hotel. All of which he genuinely appreciates — and he knows Kang loves the time together.

But Sailom wants to … “beat” is probably not a good word to use when thinking about the person you love. He wants to win this year. He wants to do something so romantic Kang can’t possibly top it. It’s his turn.

As he passes under a tree, fat drops of water hit against the umbrella and the splattering sound makes him glance up. He stares at the windmill motif emblazoned overhead. In a brilliant flash, the idea comes to him. He smiles the entire rest of the way.

**

It takes some real finagling to avoid Kang seeing him shirtless for a week. Given Kang’s complete disregard for privacy, Sailom can’t risk showering around him. Or changing. Or just wearing a particularly nice shirt that Kang might want to take off him.

To be safe, Sailom invents a major test the morning of their of anniversary plans. He’s out the door every single day before sunrise and home late enough that Kang is usually asleep by the time he climbs into the bed. By the end of the week, Sailom is a month ahead in his work, so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, and desperately wanting to take a nap with Kang’s hand splayed across his chest.

All of that fades into the background at the way Kang looks at the tattoo like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen in his life. He has a huge smile on his face but his eyes have been brimming with tears since he first recognized the design now permanently marked below Sailom’s collarbone. Water threatens to spill over at any minute.

“I — you — that—“ Every time Kang tries to speak, he has to break off on a hitching breath.

Sailom starts laughing then, although he feels suddenly like crying too. He takes Kang’s hand and pulls it until his palm rests over Sailom’s heart, completely covering the windmill.

“If you ever doubt my love for you, just look here,” he begins. As he continues, his voice drops, losing all traces of amusement. It’s the most serious promise he’s ever made. “And know you have my entire heart.”

Kang starts crying in full then, the hardest Sailom has seen in a very long time. Sailom pulls him forward, wrapping him in a tight hug. He feels Kang’s wet nose brush against his collarbone.

“Can I get one too?” Kang finally asks, some long time later in a muffled, choked voice.

**

They don’t make it out to dinner that night. Kang spends what feels like hours kissing the skin around the ink until the skin is as pink and tingling as it was in the immediate aftermath of the appointment. Then, when Sailom is flushed and swearing at him, barely able to stand it anymore, he keeps going downwards.

((A few weeks later, catching glimpses of the inked lines of the wind above Kang’s heart when the deep vee of Kang’s shirt parts tantalizingly further, Sailom fully understands the feeling.))

((Want your own mini fic? Show me proof that you submitted a question or feedback to the Dangerous Romance Celebration hosted by @criticallyobs before midnight your time on this Thursday and I’ll tackle the Kang/Sailom prompt of your choosing))

[sunshinereddie]

one of my absolute favourite tropes, as cheesy as it is, is the athlete x mathlete au. so, naturally, i’m gonna make a reddie hc about it. (i actually think i already have, but too bad bc i’m gonna do it again!)

eddie was on the track and field team in high school, and he was such a star (he’s a runner he’s a track star) that he got a sports scholarship to a good university from it. things seemed to be going great… until he gets about a month into university and his grades are dropping, fast. eddie was never great at school- he was only just able to get by in high school. but when his coach tells him that he needs to get his gpa up if he wants to keep his scholarship and continue attending the university, he decides he needs to take action.

so he heads on over to the peer tutoring centre at his school, and asks one of the advisors to set him up with a tutor. by the end of the meeting, eddie’s been assigned a twice-weekly tutoring session with, according to the tutoring advisor, “one of the students with the highest gpa in the entire university”.

eddie can’t say he’s excited to have to start studying ten times harder than he already is, but he is glad that things are looking up, and that he’ll actually have a chance to save his grades and stay on the team.

that is………. until he meets his tutor, richie tozier: a guy who eddie went to high school with, a guy who eddie absolutely despises.

and richie isn’t a big fan of eddie either. the two never got long all through middle school or high school, despite having spent a lot of time together due to their mutual friends. but, eddie can’t afford to not have a tutor, and richie needs the money from this job, so they just decide to put up with each other.

but of course, their rivalry is short-lived. because when he’s not criticizing richie for every little thing and he actually lets loose and laughs, richie thinks that eddie’s actually kind of cute. and when richie isn’t being a sarcastic little shit and unnecessarily teasing eddie, eddie thinks that richie’s actually a really good guy.

their annoyance of each other turn into tolerating each other, which turns into “actually enjoying each other’s company” which turns into friendship which turns into crushing on each other <3 their study sessions are taken up by just awkward flirting with each other and while before they would just go separate ways after meeting at the library and wouldn’t see each other until their next meeting, now eddie offers to walk richie to his next class and richie comes to watch eddie’s track meets and cheers him on, and they actually hang out together without studying and they enjoy their time together more than with anyone else.

their first kiss is during one of their study sessions, it’s late at night in eddie’s dorm and eddie is stressed about an upcoming exam but richie is there with him every step of the way supporting him. eddie goes on a ramble of thanks to richie, telling him how much he appreciates richie helping him which accidentally turns into a love confession and ends with richie leaning over and pressing a kiss to eddie’s lips because eddie won’t let him get a word in but richie needs eddie to know that he feels the same.

when they start dating, not too much changes. they still meet up for richie to tutor eddie, except now richie uses kisses as encouragement for eddie (which usually only ends up distracting eddie more than helping him). richie waits outside eddie’s classroom every time he has an exam to either congratulate him or comfort him, based on eddie’s face when he walks out of the room. richie attends every single one of eddie’s track meets and he always is holding up a handmade poster from the stands to cheer eddie on, and they’re always ridiculously cheesy but eddie always loves seeing it, and richie’s smiling face, during his races.

so yeah. athlete/mathlete au supremacy <3

[we-are-inevitable]

do you have plans to continue the small town javid au? at any point

i would really love to, more than anything, but if i continue the series it’ll likely be just a one shot in the universe. as of now i don’t have the brainpower to finish Good Directions, but here’s how i imagine it ending!

jack and david make it to montana in one piece. the road trip is rough, and they definitely argue, but it’s hard to stay mad at each other.

they have about a day of exploring to do before the competition really kicks up, so they spend a day out on the town! they visit a lot of little local shops (mainly bc davey promised to get sarah and les some souvenirs), have a good dinner at a little diner they found, and stay up late in the motel room eating junk food and watching shitty TV.

the rodeo goes off without a hitch! except for the fact that jack injures his leg after a fall from dolly, his horse. she got spooked and he fell, and is pretty bruised up. naturally, he still competes, because he’s nothing if not stubborn.

jack wins the barrel racing competition (because of course he does) and gets the scholarship money! and when he gets out of the ring he kisses davey, because the entire trip has been chock full of tension and jack can’t help himself.

and davey kisses back, duh.

they have a long conversation about what they are, what it means for them, why it’s hard for jack to wrap his head around a relationship with another boy, but they decide to give it a shot.

there’s a lot of storyline i was imagining with jack and his father, particularly the abuse he was dealt, but i don’t want to get into that just yet- trying to keep this lighthearted! but in the fic i wanted jack to come out to his dad, get kicked out, and move in with davey and his family until graduation in may. the timeline with that is a little iffy but yk !!

essentially they get together in montana, come home, navigate a secret relationship, and end up kissing under the flood lights at a church function (the one time that davey decides to go to church with jack). life is kind of hellish after that, but they have each other, and everything is okay in the end because they’re able to get away together.

it seems kind of convoluted like this hut i had everything mapped out!! i love this fic a lot i just have 0 brain power to finish it

[heavenhellandhumanity]

So far I’m really enjoying The Eclipse and Ep 4 was one of my favourites, especially with the implications with the preview for Ep 5. I love how none of the students are being demonised for what is going on but instead given a chance to show why they’re doing what they’re doing. 

Far too long so it’s going behind a cut to save people’s dashboards!

Ayan is shown to be right in that the school/teachers are unfair and the enforcement of the rules is too harsh, but he’s also shown to not be able to fully understand why someone doesn’t fight back. Understandable, not just because he is the kind of person who wouldn’t let a wrong happen in front of him without reaction, but also he’s coming from a place of grief and hurt.

Thua is shown to be out and trying to be himself as much as he can, but also not wanting to rock the boat too much. He’s already being bullied for being out, so of course he doesn’t want to draw fire from the teachers as well as the students.

Kan is shown to be (very likely) gay and feel something for Thua but there is the implication of his parents likely not accepting him being anything other than straight, which could have major effects on his schooling and university (funding, choice, connections etc.) and that is without the devastating effects of parental disapproval and anger. No wonder he worries about people assuming he’s gay. 

Akk seems to be at the school from a scholarship/opportunity granted to him and he seems to have respect for the teachers, but especially Chadok. He may be starting to have doubts about whether the teachers are right, but if causes too much trouble, I’m going to guess his parents aren’t in a place to fight against any measures. Expelling Akk would probably be far easier than expelling Thua and then where would he go with a reputation of being expelled from Suppalo?

The thing is we know Ayan is right to fight against the unfair rules. We know it and the narrative is showing that to us really well, but it’s not as easy as ‘Akk just needs to see Ayan is right and start fighting back too’ or ‘Kan will feel better when he’s out and can be together with Thua properly’. Both of them have to get past their own heads first but then they have to deal with the consequences of fighting back against the status quo/being out in their sexuality. I believe the show is doing that journey really well, as Akk and Kan slowly start to realise that keeping things as they are is worse than things changing. The preview for Ep 5 is so promising because it shows that they know Ayan is coming from a place of privilege in one respect. I’m not going to say that he isn’t brave in what he is doing but he has weighed up how he feels and the possible consequences and decided on the road he’s going doing and sometimes he doesn’t seem to see other people’s obstacles as well (looking at how he revealed Thua’s feelings to his mother, which could have gone really badly, damnit Ayan).

This is also another reason why I want more of the ‘The World Remembers’ gang. I’d love to see more of who they are and why they’re so determined to continue, outside of whatever they’re planning with Ayan.

And when it comes down to it, this show may be a social commentary but it’s still a school. The power is definitely on the teachers’ side and the students seem to be quite isolated with only Thua and Ayan’s mothers seen so far. Ayan can’t outright say that what the teachers are doing is unfair and Akk’s doubts are shut down quite firmly by Chadok. Akk, Kan and Wat might be complicit in helping to enforce these unfair rules but it’s not so easy as just handing in their armbands and saying they don’t want to do it anymore. They can’t decide to leave the school and go elsewhere. But if all the students come together and fight back, they might have a chance because the more people there are, the easier and safer it is for those who come after. And they’ll learn it. Eventually. 

[awanderingmuse-ficrec]

Shards Series

Fandom: Riordan-verse

Author: BobInTheComments

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-con, Major Character Death, Underage, Child Abuse

Word Count: 86,489

Pairings: Piper McLean/Leo Valdez, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Calypso/Leo Valdez, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Percy Jackson, Allison/Lisa, Hades/Persephone, Natalie Chase/Frey, Athena/Frederick Chase, Randolph Chase/Caroline Chase, Grandpa Chase/Grandma Chase, Magnus Chase/Alex Fierro

Characters: Piper McLean, Leo Valdez, Herbert West, Hans Gruber,  Tristan McLean, Lisa, Allison, Percy Jackson, Nico di Angelo, Persephone, Brian Bender, Bianca di Angelo, Shoggoths, Dagon, Mother Hydra, Nyarlathotep, Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood, Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, The Nameless Mist, Natalie Chase, Frederick Chase, Randolph Chase, Grandpa Chase, Emma Chase, Aubrey Chase, Magnus Chase

Tags: Post-The Burning Maze, Past Jason Grace/Piper McLean, past Leo Valdez/Calypso, College visits, Miskatonic University, yeah that place, Zombie Apocalypse, Piper and Leo are still mourning Jason, Piper has distanced herself from everyone but Leo, They're 18 now, Tristan tries to be a good dad, Leo does what he can for Piper, Friends to Lovers, Leo is going to torch a zombie, Biohazard | Resident Evil References, Horror movie references, these two are going to make a lot of bad jokes, Die Hard References, Alan Rickman Tribute, Puzzles, Resident Evil style puzzles, Silent Hill References, Universe 100722, Physician's Cure, lots of death, everyone not in the character list is fodder,now with art!, Cover Art, Lotus Hotel and Casino, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 1: The Lightning Thief, Things went bad at the Lotus, Shattered!Percy, Shattered!Nico, both try to make sure this Percy finishes his first quest, Grief/Mourning, Immortality, Sequel to True Love, Fate denied, Character Death,  Blood and Gore, Sequel to Shattered, The survivors continue their search for the Necronomicon, Time takes its toll on their sanity, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Family Dynamics, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Natalie centric, Toddler Annabeth, Baby Magnus, set in 1995, Chase Place, Everyone Needs A Hug, Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, The Chases Are Not Close, Too Much Trauma, Frederick Kinda Sucks As A Parent, He Gets Better(ish), Universe 072590, That's right, world building

Beauty Queen and The Real McShizzle Vs. Re-Animator

Piper McLean isn't the girl she used to be. Not since he passed away. She's done nearly everything she can to remove herself from the world that took the life of the boy she loved and refused to help her get him back. The only bridge she hasn't burned being one Leo Valdez, who is coincidentally immune to fire. Two years have passed and now she's trying to move on. A college in New England has a scholarship that would guarantee Piper a free ride. All she has to do to qualify for it is attend an overnight campus visit. It should be a simple and boring affair, but she's bringing Leo along for emotional support. But you can't take two demigods anywhere without expecting some form of trouble. This time, that trouble is in the form of a mad scientist with a syringe of glowing green goo that can reanimate the dead. Let the chaos unfold...

The Whisperer in Darkness

In the ruins of The Lotus Hotel and Casino, Percy and Nico continue their search for the Necronomicon...A sequel to "True Love"

Gatherings

The Chase siblings return to their childhood home for the first time in years. Only Annabeth is happy to be there.

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

Kent Skate (Yet)

As my last photos I posted indicated, I went ice skating for the first time on Friday. Ever since last year they’ve blocked off one of the streets by the campus’s barren, esplanaded edge and installed a rink for a few months in winter.

Friday was also the day the historic mill downtown caught fire. Before I went to the rink I was watching it being put out from a distance as blinking lights from the fire department’s vehicles punched holes in the black. Blocks away it was being pierced by cutesy Christmas lights they put around while I was home on break last weekend. They finally put the fire out yesterday afternoon. It made me angry at first. A seemingly eternal view, one that I had appreciated and even taken for granted, totally destroyed. I try to never take attending an institution with such a history attached to it for granted. I walk with the weight of a scholarship in memory of a man who worked his tail to preserve that history for future generations when he was alive; I can’t just take certain presences for granted, can I? But I still took that quaint Taco Tontos view for granted. Things are wack here.

Skating did help distract me, though. I had always wanted to try it out, and having roller skated on and off for a while, it was easy to pick up, as much as I clung to the wall. It felt satisfying and even empowering. I took a few knees and resigned with confidence (and one independent lap) to catch the last bus home. It just felt good, good to be out there doing something I had always wanted to, on a whim and without external limitation. Bruised knees are cool.

I skated for the second time tonight at the university arena, which has public skating sessions every so often. The lobby is excruciatingly wood panel, and it has the faint smell of popcorn from the snack bar. There is a party room where a bunch of little girls were having a party. Out on the rink I kept running into (not literally) a really adorable little girl with bangs, black leggings, and a slightly-too-big Nirvana shirt. I should’ve turned her on to the Melvins, but I had skating to do. Other than the small children (of which there were many), there were all kinds of people there, including funhaving college couples, cocky college boys, and a few seasoned vets who seemed to effortlessly glide across the floor. I kept looking at one guy, an older guy who looked kind of like David Crosby but not absurd in the facial hair department, who just casually sailed along with his hands in his pockets. He just seemed so cool.

I was not cool on the ice, or at least I didn’t feel cool, because my continued reliance on the wall got me trapped in a lot of traffic jams behind tiny children who didn’t really know how to skate, and I kept falling on my ass. My roller skating career ended when I was standing completely still in the middle of the street hockey court in a hometown-local park, lost my balance for a split second, fell on my ass, and sprained my wrist catching my fall. Obviously, I was overjoyed to keep falling on my ass. GREAT JOB.

I can tell I’m doing well just going out there at all, even if my confidence tonight lasted in spurts. It was just a different experience. It was admittedly a little hard to focus, especially when “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” segued into “Baby Shark” near the end of the hour and a half when the sound system had tired of Christmas music. (The downtown rink did supply “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime” at the same exact time as actual rain, but at least it stayed on theme.) I’m not sure if I made any progress tonight, really. But I don’t want to abandon it out of lack of immediate proficiency. Because when I do get into the zone, the things that weigh heavy are trivial, and I feel like I can do anything.

I think I can get the hang of it.

[ao3feed-larry]

the one who stays, and the one who's leaving you

by smolplateofmems

“I got into Manchester University, Harry,” Louis whispers.

And, damn if that doesn’t hurt. Even more because—of all of the things, of all of their problems, all of their fights—this was the last thing he expected him to say. “I found out this morning,” Louis hurriedly continued, crying. “I’m so sorry… you can still get in, Harry, I know you can! But you know I have to accept the offer—you know why. Football is all I have. Football is it for me. And, H, it’s a full scholarship, I can’t just not take it. I’m- I’m just not made to do anything else, Haz…” he trails off, “but you could be.”

Harry can’t do anything but stare, open-mouthed, at Louis. He can’t help but notice how pretty he looks—shining eyes, disheveled hair, staring up at Harry like he’s the sun when it’s Louis who is. Louis, who has lit up Harry’s life, and could leave it dark just as easily, the sun returning behind the clouds and leaving him cold. He realizes, distractedly, that his eyes are watering. When did that happen? And, more importantly, why won’t it stop?

--

OR the one where Unbelievers Larry is in University but Louis got into Manchester and Harry didn't.

Words: 2727, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, Original Male Character(s)

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s)

Additional Tags: enemies to lovers to exes to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst, Heavy Angst, have u ever read unbelievers? well this is the unofficial sequel <3, Original Character(s), heckett, you'll see dw, How Do I Tag, it's not exactly slow burn because there's stuff going on, but there's one slow burn aspect, there are three authors for this, none of us know what we're doing, Porn With Plot, harry is depressed but make it horny, Top Harry Styles, Top Louis Tomlinson, Bottom Louis Tomlinson, Bottom Harry Styles, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Football | Soccer, now for the yummy stuff, subrry, Daddy Kink, Light BDSM, BDSM Undertones, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Swearing, Rimming, Recreational Drug Use, Oral Sex, Ass to Mouth, Marking, Spanking, Choking, Hate Sex, Jealousy, this happens a lot, I'm Sorry, I Don't Even Know, don't look at me, I think that's it - Freeform

via AO3 works tagged 'Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson' https://archiveofourown.org/works/39798348

[ginga-snappd-offical]

why everyone can't have the best education possible or why it isn't free?

Short answer? Greed.

Long Answer? Most governments underfund public education intentionally to keep the working class stuck in that position. When you are uneducated or when the only free education is cherry picked to exclude important information that could cause people to organize, unionize, or demand fair and equal/equitable treatment, it causes a domino effect of continued ignorance and matainence of the status quo, that enables the rich and elite to benefit more and more while the working class benefits less and less.

If Bob is born into money, his parents can afford to send him to privatized schools, get him tutoring, threaten to sue the school if they try not to help Bob with physical or mental disabilities he may have- and that gives Bob a leg up. So by the time he has graduated from school, he can then have a higher chance of getting into a private school, with more scholarship opportunities and a better school with higher prestige. His parents might even pay for his schooling. So he doesn’t need to work at the same time; and has more time for studies, internships, and extra curricular activities. By the time he graduates college or university, he may have more opportunities lined up for him. He might get scouted for jobs, or get more job opportunities. And since his parents covered tuition costs, he doesn’t need to worry about student loans, which means he can enter the housing market faster.

Now let’s look at George. George was born into a middle class family. George goes to a public school, but because it’s in a middle class town, it still receives higher than average funding. Which means he has more extra curricular opportunities, and if he has a mental or physical disability, while he still might face discrimination, he will still receive a 504 or be given assistance in some way through Special Education Courses. So when George graduates from high school, let’s assume he has a mid level GPA, maybe he has one or two scholarships, but he still needs to apply for student loans. He goes to a State School, or a Trade School to learn a specific skill set and trade. When he graduates from school, he will need to spend a considerable amount of time paying off that loan. Which means he will have to be a renter for a larger part of his life before he can apply for a home loan (and that’s even assuming he applies through Social Security to secure a cheaper home)

Lastly, let’s look at Bill. Bill grew up on social security and food stamps. Because of how that system currently works, Bill’s parents can’t make more than a certain amount of money or save any money without loosing those benefits. However due to circumstances whether their own lack of education, bad workplace opportunities locally, or a terrible minimum wage that doesn’t match inflation rates in that state, Bill’s parents are essentially forced to stay poor in order to keep food on the table because for whatever reason, being on social security provides more money to his family than them working would be able to do. Bill goes to public school. It’s an underfunded school due to lack of resources in terms of state and city funding. Maybe there’s a football field that was a private donation from a rich outling family in town, but that’s it. If Bill has a mental or physical disability, he’s more likely to face discrimination and less likely to have his equitable needs met. So if Bill wants to succeed in life, he has to work twice as hard to get there. He has to do extra studying, homework, and extra credit on top of his workload. He might have to pick up a part time job after school to help with life at home, or get himself a car or something that will help him. He has to apply for scholarships in mass in order to get any sort of help. Once he has graduated, even if he does well he will still more than likely have to take student loans. And because of how much pressure that would put on him, he may choose not to get an education. Or maybe he’ll have to go to community college, or apply for an apprenticeship- but usually for a lot of the Bills in the world, traditional education isn’t a sturdy path. And it’s hard.

And that isn’t even going into other obstacles like systemic racism, sexism, etc.

Educators deserve to be heavily compensated for their labor, and systems that don’t support that fail their communities fundamentally.

It’s been built this way for a very long time and it serves mostly to benefit the upper class.

I consider myself fortunate that I grew up middle class, and I’m still struggling myself due to mental health issues and being in a state with both a low minimum wage that’s practically criminal, and a deep-seated contempt for anyone with a disability. Not just talking btw, almost every job I applied for where I disclosed JUST having adhd? Never got a call back. But if I don’t disclose it? Suddenly I’m desirable.

This got off track fast sorry.

TLDR, very systemic greed perpetuated by the 1%, which trickles down slowly so many upper and middle class citizens don’t have much of a desire to change the status quo since they benefit from it and don’t see how it negatively impacts people in lower income areas. (Especially when they have news outlets pushing stories about how lazy people on social security are, while disregarding who’s sponsoring those stories)

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

The Nightmare Man by J.H. Markert

 Dark, twisted, gripping horror story that grabbed me and wouldn’t let go…even after finishing the last page.

 What I liked:

* The plotting, pacing, writing, setting, and story

* That the shift between past and present when telling the story worked seamlessly

* The link between mythology and dreams…and new stories created for children to help deal with nightmares – even have done it in the past

* The historical aspect of the story

* Being able to truly dislike and despise some of the characters in the story

* Thinking about the ‘what ifs’

* That even the good guys were fallible

* Finding out the five W’s any story should supply: who, what, when, where, and why

* Wondering if this is a one and done book or if this might be the beginning of a series

* Being creeped out and given enough information about the crimes without all the no doubt horrific details

* More than what is listed above BUT don’t want to put in any spoilers

 What I didn’t like:

* Who and what I was meant not to like

* How manipulative, cruel and creepy some of the characters were – thought that was also something that really added to the story

 Did I like this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Yes

 Thank you to NetGalley and Crooked Lane Books for the ARC – This is my honest review.

 5 Stars

     BLURB

 T. Kingfisher meets Cassandra Khaw in a chilling horror novel that illustrates the fine line between humanity and monstrosity. Blackwood mansion looms, surrounded by nightmare pines, atop the hill over the small town of New Haven. Ben Bookman, bestselling novelist and heir to the Blackwood estate, spent a weekend at the ancestral home to finish writing his latest horror novel, The Scarecrow. Now, on the eve of the book’s release, the terrible story within begins to unfold in real life. Detective Mills arrives at the scene of a gruesome murder: a family butchered and bundled inside cocoons stitched from corn husks, and hung from the rafters of a barn, eerily mirroring the opening of Bookman’s latest novel. When another family is killed in a similar manner, Mills, along with his daughter, rookie detective Samantha Blue, is determined to find the link to the book—and the killer—before the story reaches its chilling climax. As the series of “Scarecrow crimes” continues to mirror the book, Ben quickly becomes the prime suspect. He can’t remember much from the night he finished writing the novel, but he knows he wrote it in The Atrium, his grandfather’s forbidden room full of numbered books. Thousands of books. Books without words. As Ben digs deep into Blackwood’s history he learns he may have triggered a release of something trapped long ago—and it won’t stop with the horrors buried within the pages of his book.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

James was raised in a household where creativity thrived, paintings and stained-glass windows beautified the walls, and the arts were as regular as the seasons.  This upbringing will forever be his muse.  James has a history degree from the University of Louisville, where, in his senior year, he was awarded a scholarship as the school’s most outstanding history major.  He won an IPPY Award for The Requiem Rose, which was later published by Sourcebooks as A White Wind Blew.  James has ideas for future novels that run the gamut of history from time periods and topics like Charles Dickens, Jekyll and Hyde, Prohibition, the Dust Bowl, the Sixties, both World Wars, the Golden Age of Magicians, and a series on Medieval Cathedral building.

James is the writer and co-producer of the feature film/tennis comedy 2nd Serve, starring several actors from popular television shows like Scandal, The Big Bang Theory, Gotham, Cougar Town, Shameless, and Ray Donovan.   James is also a USPTA tennis pro, and has coached dozens of kids who’ve gone on to play college tennis in top conferences like the Big 10, the Big East, and the ACC. He lives with his wife and two children in Louisville, KY.

Favorite Authors: Stephen King, John Irving, Ken Follett, Pat Conroy, Wally Lamb, George R.R. Martin, Elizabeth Strout, Dennis Lehane, Greg Iles, Anne Rice, Hillary Mantel, Carlos Ruiz Zafon.

Favorite Books: The Stand, The Cider House Rules, The Alienist, Pillars of the Earth, Beach Music, I know This Much is True, The Burgess Boys, The Shadow of the Wind, A Song of Ice and Fire Series.

Favorite Music: U2, Pearl Jam, Cold Play, REM, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Killers, Mozart, Muse, Dave Matthews.

Favorite Shows: Game of Thrones, Justified, Deadwood, Rome, Peaky Blinders, Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad, Band of Brothers, The Tudors.

Favorite Movies: Shawshank Redemption, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Signs, A Very Long Engagement, Amadeus, Gangs of New York, Sleepers, Saving Private Ryan, Gladiator, Kingdom of Heaven, Seven.

https://jamesmarkert.com/

https://www.instagram.com/jamesmarkert74/

https://www.facebook.com/James-Markert-454204204627577/

https://twitter.com/jamesmarkert/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/james-markert-3108b4b2/

[neuro--nerd]

Suicide Awareness Month

Trigger Warning: Suicide, mental health

September is a lot of things. It’s the beginning of the school, the time when weather cools off and the sun goes down earlier, it’s the beginning of the last third of the year. It also suicide prevention awareness month. There was a specific day, September 10th this year, but I think it’s worth talking about every day of the month. I speak a lot about mental health but I have not spoken about my experience with suicide.

I don’t have a defining moment. I can’t look back and say “the first time I thought about ending my life was...”  For me, it was one of those things that crept up slowly. I mean, I was always different. My childhood was riddled with anxiety and panic. I went through traumatic experiences that made me more vulnerable to my already powerful highs and lows. My interactions with the world around me were consistently negative and scary, so it’s no surprise that I felt worn down over time. Eventually the darkness shaded my vision completely, and I no longer felt that life was worth living. I felt stuck. Would things ever get better?

There is one particular day that stands out to me. It was a Monday afternoon and my mom and I were checking the mail. I got a letter from the government. I knew it was regarding my interview the week prior. I had applied for a $90,000 scholarship to a UWC school. I opened the letter, which said I was selected. My mom screamed and started crying tears of pride. The only thing that went through my head was “darn it, now I have to stay alive”. I had told myself that if I didn’t get into that school then I would go through with my plan. I didn’t plan for what would happen if I did get in, because I had no faith in achieving my then biggest dream.

My experience at that school wasn’t perfect. Actually, it was probably a very good example as to why you shouldn’t put the weight of your life on something like that. Don’t get me wrong, I had an amazing two years. I will never forget the love, the community, the experiences. But as someone with mental health issues, it was a lot to navigate without adequate mental healthcare. At my lowest point I slept in the school nurse’s spare bedroom to make sure I was safe. My house parents were constantly looking out for me, making sure I was okay. My best friend brought me to the emergency room when I was clearly in a manic episode. I remember sitting on the edge of the roof, wondering what it would be like if I did more than just dangle my legs.

I don’t know what I would have done without that best friend. There was one evening that she truly saved my life. I. was now going to university in Vancouver, where I felt very isolated from my friends. I stopped taking my medications. I knew I wanted it all to end. It just so happened that my friend called me and asked if there was something wrong. She just got a weird feeling. We talked on the phone for over an hour, and I ended up going to bed. The next morning my mom, equally an angel, called and asked if I wanted to come home. She had a bad feeling, too. I said yes. I dropped out of university and moved all the way back across the country. 

Living at home wasn’t easy. I was scrambling to get back on my feet. My family doctor wouldn’t prescribe my medication because she “didn’t believe” in my diagnosis. I saw a counsellor and he recommended I move to the city to get better access to services. So that is what I did. I worked, learned to drive, and continued my schooling online. I eventually moved out to the city. I was lucky enough to get a doctor almost right away who managed my medication and gave me resources to help with my transition once my mental health was a bit more stable. I still had ups and downs. It wasn’t long before I ended up in the hospital for my eating disorder, which is what I had been using to cope with the overwhelming bad feelings. I spent two months, including Christmas and new years, on the psychiatric ward. At one point I was put on a closer watch and lost my passes because the feelings I had been avoiding were overwhelming and I wanted a way out. At the time I was angry at the nurses, but looking back I am thankful I was in a place where I could receive the extra support I needed. 

After the hospital stay came outpatient treatment and an onslaught of medication changes. More of this, less of that, add on this, take off that. There’s actually a period of time I cannot remember because of the medications I was on. Sometimes I find puzzle pieces that give me clues, but I don’t think I’ll ever fully remember what happened during those months.

At this time I switched family doctors. Now that I was going to a new university I was able to avail of the student health services. I found a doctor who was more than understanding. She also referred me to who would later become my current doctor.

I ended up back in the hospital for Christmas and new years again. The feeling of defeat that accompanied that was overwhelming. I still feel bad for snapping at one of the nurses when he asked me how I was doing. I was on the psych ward, how did he think I was doing? That was a dark time of my life. 

Then not long after I got out, the pandemic hit. I was existing in survival mode. I went to work, I went home. I didn’t go out anywhere more than my once a week grocery shopping. I had phone calls with my psychologist and doctor. I started on a new medication. When it all came crashing down and I stopped taking my medication again I was lucky enough to be able to spend a couple of months at my parents’ house while continuing school online.

In 2021 I got a new job. I readjusted to living in the city by myself. I bought a new car. Things seemed great. And I guess they were, for a while. Looking back I recognize the signs of hypomania. I was reckless, I spent a lot of money, I did things I otherwise wouldn’t do. But I still refused to take my medication. And after the high came the low. I ended up at the Waterford’s psychiatric assessment unit. They sent me away, telling me to see my doctor within two weeks (which was impossible at the time). I decided maybe I should take my medication again.

Things continued on a downward trend. In September 2021 I couldn’t do it anymore. I ended up back at the PAU, only to be admitted to the short stay unit because the psychiatrist “couldn’t read me”. I felt like a huge burden, but it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. We increased my medication and added another one, a combination that would come to be the one that works best for me. A week after I was discharged I spent another three weeks in the hospital for my eating disorder, which had once again flared to deal with all of the uncomfortable emotions I had been dealing with. 

I had one more admission for my eating disorder since then, but I have been doing much better than previously. I have had my good days and bad, and now I know when I have an awful day that it won’t last forever, something I could not trust before I found the right combination of medications. I am so thankful to be alive, to be studying and doing my honours, to be working, to have friends and my animals. Things do get better. It also wasn’t overnight. I did a lot of therapy and dedicated many hours to it. I’m still in therapy, and working through all of the things I never gave myself the chance to feel. I also give some credit to where I am with my transition process. I took the next step and started hormones back in the spring. It was scary and exciting all at once, and it has definitely contributed to my progress since then. I am finally happy and at peace with myself.

So the moral of this ridiculous amount of rambling is that things do get better. I want to be an example of that, not just another story you roll your eyes at. I know I’ve read plenty and didn’t believe it. But it happens. There’s so much to live for.

Stay cool, Kaiden

[itsamejin]

easy || jungkook angst/fluff

Summary: Date you, win a bet, get his rent paid off. Sounds promising enough, right? Jungkook should’ve known that his ambitions would end in disaster, but even if he did, that still wouldn’t have stopped him from pursuing you.

Warning: cursing, crude humor, fuckboy talk

Genre: college!au, fuckboy!au, bet!trope, angst, fluff

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Premise: In which Jungkook accepts a bet from Taehyung to date the first girl that walks into the lecture hall and realizes that he bit off more than he could chew when starts to catch feelings. Now, he has to suffer the consequences of being an idiot.

Commission Request: @altus-gens​

Word Count: 9,203 words

—

It's not like Jungkook planned to be one of the most sought after person in Yonsei University, but it somehow turned out to be that way. Truthfully, he basks in it, loves that so many people idolize him for doing the bare minimum. He was handsome after all and had a level of charm that surpassed the need to have a good personality. 

He got into such a prestigious school through an athletic scholarship for Taekwondo, managed to convince his professors to pass him when he put in minimal effort, and there was no shortage of girls to call when he was feeling lonely for a night. He was the stereotypical 'it' boy on campus and maybe if he was a little bit smarter, he'd have a better choice of friends than the six idiots he always hangs around with.

"How about this," Taehyung starts, gum in his mouth, "the first girl who walks in, you have to successfully get in her pants."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. They were in a damn lecture hall and yet Taehyung had no shame bringing up sex. Typical.

“This again, bro?” Hoseok sighed. “Aren’t you sick of bribing us to do weird shit for you?”

Taehyung smirked.

“Not at all, actually.”

"For how much?" Namjoon cut in, probably curious for the price point Taehyung would arrange this time. He was fired from his job just a week ago and could really use the money. "I'll do it if it’s enough to pay for my rent this month."

Taehyung scoffs, although knowing full well he could pay for all of the boys’ tuitions combined if he wanted to. He was the resident rich bachelor on campus after all.

"I'll pay it for a full year and your utility bills too if you're really down," Taehyung flaunts. "You just gotta have proof you actually managed to do it."

"Dude that's gross," Seokjin chimes in, "No one wants to send you proof of us doing it with a random girl."

Taehyung shakes his head.

"No, no, no," he says, clicking his tongue. "I phrased it incorrectly. I’m not a fucking pervert."

“You got us fooled,” Jimin mutters. 

Taehyung leans in closer to the six boys and even Jungkook finds himself getting intrigued. Admittedly, he was a little curious considering he hasn't had a proper meal in weeks. He could really use having some extra cash for food without worrying about rent.

"You have to date the girl for like three months," Taehyung says seriously, "and I'll consider that as enough proof that you managed to actually do it since I know you guys are too horny to wait any longer than that to fuck."

They all look at Taehyung in disgust, Jimin even opting to hit him in the back of the head for being so vulgar. To be fair, they were all thinking of accepting Taehyung's bet regardless. It's not like they were new to leading girls on anyway.

"You gotta pay me more than that to fuck just any girl," Yoongi says, yawning in the process. He seemed the least likely to take up Taehyung's offer, but he was still game depending on the person.

"Then how would you feel," Taehyung starts, "if I told you guys that I could get you priority registration for next quarter."

The boys, even the ones who weren't interested, were now listening to Taehyung's every word.

"You mean," Hoseok gulps, "I could finally get that fucking Organic Chemistry class I need to get out of this hell hole?!"

Taehyung shrugs, an ominous smile on his face.

"Just the perk of having parents who have connections," Taehyung replies. “I’ll only accept one of you guys to do it though. I don’t wanna have you all fucking the same girl- that’d be weird.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what’s weird about this,” he grumbles.

“So are you guys in or not?” Taehyung asks, his patience growing thin.

He lays back on his chair, a smoldering look on his face when they all nod. They were desperate for money after all.

"The next girl that walks in will be the subject of this bet and whoever calls dibs on her first will be the one to woo her,” he says with a stretch of his arms. “Good luck boys.”

They all turned to look at the door and Jungkook watches silently as guy after guy walks into the lecture hall. No girl yet. 

Jungkook was hoping, from the bottom of his heart, that no familiar faces would walk in. If he had to deal with a past fling, he’d have to back out immediately. He never dealt with exes very well.

The guys are at the edge of their seats, praying for a cute girl to walk through that didn’t already know about their horrible reputation. They were looking for an easy target, someone that could fall for their charms almost immediately.

And then, you walk in. You were clad in sweats with earphones on, rushing toward the front row seats of the lecture hall. You were chatting with your friends, yawning several times throughout your conversation with them. Jungkook couldn’t help but smirk. There was nothing special about you to point out, in fact, you were just like everyone else. Strangely enough, he found that the most intriguing part about you.

"Nope, nope, nope," Jimin shakes his head repeatedly. "Can't, won't, never will. Sorry, Tae."

They all stare at him in confusion.

"What the fuck, what's wrong with her?" Yoongi asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Jimin faces away from you, not wanting to look at you any longer.

"No, nothing," there seems to be a blush forming on his face. He was hiding something.

“Bullshit,” Taehyung furrows his brows. “Bro, if she’s crazy and one of us gets our dick bitten off, we’re all blaming you, so spit it out.”

Jimin just sighs.

"She's been giving me Professor Kwon’s notes for the past few weeks,” he starts, much to the confusion of his friends. “Her name is [Y/N]. It'll be really mean if I go after her, especially since she and I are kind of friends. Plus, I really need to pass this class. I failed last quarter..."

The boys groan. Jimin was no fun.

"She's not my type so I don't think I could really get into it either," Seokjin states, no longer interested in the prize after Jimin’s confession. He’s been banking off of your notes from him too. 

"Aren’t we all old enough to know not to mess with people’s feelings?" Hoseok sighs.

They roll their eyes at Hoseok’s statement. Who was he trying to fool with the nice guy act? He probably fooled around with girls just as much as the other guys did.

"Yeah, I’m backing out," Yoongi agrees, "and she hates me so there's that."

They all look at him questioningly and he puts his hands up in the air from their gazes.

"What? I just realized who she’s talking to down there.”

He pointed at a girl discreetly, but no one seemed to recognize her.

“Her friend and I dated,” Yoongi continues, “and I broke up with her over text and blocked her without letting her respond. That whole friend group is pretty much pissed at me. I'd rather not have to deal with them again."

The guys look disapprovingly at him. Breaking up over text was harsh, but probably not the worst thing Yoongi has done to his exes.

"You're actually a piece of shit," Namjoon sighs. "I really do need my rent paid though..."

Jungkook nods in agreement. It's been almost impossible to balance Taekwondo practices, college papers, and working a part-time job all at once. If he could somehow find a way to quit his job for a while and get priority registration for classes, then he doesn't mind getting his hands a little dirty in the process. Plus, you were cute enough and he's sure you weren't too difficult to befriend as long as he doesn't mention Yoongi in any conversations.

"I'm in," Jungkook chides, finally saying something after such a long period of silence.

They all look at him with disbelief in their eyes. Jungkook was never the one to partake in Taehyung's bets. In fact, he was the one usually ridiculing them for participating. He must have been really desperate if he was willing to do it.

"I mean, it's all yours if you want," Namjoon replies, "I don't wanna turn it into a competition.”

“Don’t worry dude,” Jungkook fist bumps Namjoon, “I’ll quit my job and refer you for it.”

They nod at each other as if they were on the same wavelength. 

“I knew I could rely on you,” Namjoon says, faking tears from his eyes. The boys groan in response.

“Alright,” Taehyung claps his hands. “In exchange for providing me some mindless entertainment and going out with [Y/N], you will get your rent paid for the rest of the year and get early registration for next quarter. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

Jimin shakes his head.

“I don’t know about this, guys...”

Jungkook doesn’t hear him and instead takes one last look at you. You catch him in the corner of your eye and you can’t help but feel flustered at his serious expression. 

“Should be easy enough,” he mutters to himself and turns his gaze back onto his friend.

“So we have a deal?” Taehyung asks.

He smirks, shaking the outreached hand Taehyung held out for him. He steals another glance at you and he finds you staring right back. He gives you a wink.

“Deal.”

—

Jungkook slid into the seat next to yours in the campus canteen, his eyes filled with determination. His posture was laid-back, but it was a little too obvious that he was trying to act like he didn’t care.

“Hi,” he greets you in a breathy tone- girls loved it when he spoke with his breathy tone.

“Hi?”

You’d been sensing that someone was staring at you during the lecture, but you thought that was just the paranoia that came from being near such an intimidating group of guys. Turns out, you should always trust your instincts.

Jungkook had a boyish grin on his face that made you want to smile back but also stare at him in disgust.

“I heard you help Jimin with Professor Kwon’s notes,” he whispers mischievously. “I’m struggling myself, actually...”

Not really, but you know. This was the easiest tactic to approach you- tackle your similarities. You nod understandingly at his words, not quite getting that he was flirting with you.

“Yeah I can send you the Google Drive folder,” you comply, taking your phone out. “But you can’t let Professor Kwon know or else he’ll flip out. He doesn’t want people to have the notes for some odd reason...”

You trail off but Jungkook just scoffs. You seemed clueless.

“That’s not what I necessarily meant,” he says, a little shy this time. “I need a tutor.”

You furrow your brows at him.

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to pay me for that,” you say seriously. The last time you offered to tutor someone for free, they ended up blaming you for their failing grade and screaming about it all over social media. You needed money to compensate for that emotional trauma. “Microeconomics is hard to teach.”

“Well thankfully I’m a good student,” Jungkook teases. You stare at him with a deadpan face.

“You wouldn’t need my help if you were a good student,” you say blankly, standing up from your seat. “My hourly rate is 20,000 Won. Take it or leave it.”

Jungkook’s eye twitched. He had to spend his money to get Taehyung’s money? Well, the payout would be worth it in the end anyway. He reaches out a hand to you.

“If you’d have me,” he says cheekily, looking up at you. You take his hand in yours and maybe for a second you felt your heart skip a beat, but that was soon over when you let go of him.

“You have sweaty hands,” you say straightforwardly. You wipe your hand on your shirt and he coughs awkwardly at how unresponsive you truly were. Didn’t Jimin say you were a nice person? 

You take your barely-touched lunch tray and walk away from his pensive figure.

“Wait, can I get your number?” he yells. You don’t look back.

“Alright, whatever,” he mumbles to himself. “I’ll just ask Jimin, I guess.”

Without even a second glance, you disappear from his sight. He sits back on his chair, heaving out a deep sigh. Sure, this wasn’t the first girl that didn’t care much for his advances, but you didn’t even crack a smile or anything. This is going to be harder than he thought...

—

“She hates me,” Jungkook whines to Seokjin as they walked down the university halls to their next shared class. “Yesterday, I went up to her to get her number and I left with a fucking debt. Does that make any sense?”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have taken on the bet,” Seokjin yawned. “Namjoon would have wooed her with his poetry by now or some shit.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’s interested in a dude who can’t even put on a hat without causing an earthquake.”

Seokjin smacked him on the back.

“At least he’d have the guts to say no to having a fucking tutor,” Seokjin replies. “You dug your own grave, man. Now roll around in it.”

“Do you want me to succeed or not?” 

“I want you to not be a fucking dumbass, Jungkook,” Seokjin sighs. “Do you really wanna make your reputation worse than it already is?”

Just as Jungkook was about to reply, he catches a glimpse of you walking farther ahead in the university courtyard. You were a bit far but he’s sure he could make it if he hurries. He smacks the binder he held in his right hand onto Seokjin’s chest.

“Yo, can you cover for me,” he asks hastily and Seokjin stares at him with a concerned gaze. He watches as Jungkook takes off his backpack and leaves it on the ground. Jungkook looked about ready to break out in a sprint.

“What the fuck, why?” Seokjin questions.

“Just tell the TA I’m out for a bit,” he says in response, already running ahead to catch up to you. “I’m winning this fucking bet or I’ll die trying.”

Jin stands still, mouth agape. Jungkook really left him with his backpack and binder just to talk to you. He shakes his head. ‘I need to make new friends,’ he thought to himself, picking up the discarded backpack and walking in the direction of the class Jungkook was planning to be late to.

You were walking with your earphones on, not noticing someone sprinting at you in record speed. You only turn your music off when Jungkook stops in front of you, his hands on his knees. He was panting heavily.

“Hey,” he says through deep breaths. You nod at him awkwardly.

“Why are you running?”

“I wanted to... catch up to you... and I thought... you were closer... but the run here... took... fucking... forever,” he says breathlessly. “Water. I need water.”

You take out a bottle from your tote bag hastily, handing it to him. He took it into his hands, grazing your fingers a bit. As he was about to start chugging it, you halted him.

“Waterfall,” you say curtly- you were still planning to drink out of it later after all. 

He nods in response, a drop of sweat cascading the side of his neck. After he was done, there was practically no water left anyway. ‘I’m gonna have to refill it myself,’ you thought begrudgingly. You stuff it back into your bag and wait until his breaths become more even.

“A bit out of shape, huh?”

He scoffs and gives you a glare, clearly offended.

“I actually have a Taekwondo scholarship, you know that? I just wasn’t warmed up and I’m naturally sweaty so it’s not like-”

You laugh a little.

“I’m joking,” you say, a smile adorning your face. He feels his face turn red and he can’t help but purse his lips out of embarrassment. Jeon Jungkook couldn’t take a fucking joke.

“O-oh,” he says shyly, avoiding your gaze. Why was he acting more like an idiot than usual? You hear the chiming bells of the university tower and stare at your phone to check the time.

“Don’t you have a class?” you ask him. His eyes widen and soon he was dashing off again. He turns around mid-run, jogging backward to face you.

“My number is 06-1313-9197,” he yells, loud enough for the other late students in the courtyard to hear. Most of them roll their eyes, knowing that Jungkook was flirting with another girl yet again. You’re embarrassed by the amount of attention he’s getting, but punch his number on your phone anyway.

“Text me,” he shouts. “I’ll always respond to you.”

Now it was your turn to be flustered.

—

"That’s wrong,” you say, reaching over to Jungkook’s notebook and marking a large ‘X’ on his paper. “You’re not supposed to apply that function for this problem...”

Jungkook stared at you with a tired face. He didn’t think he was too bad at the mathematical aspect of Microeconomics, but it seemed like it was your life’s mission to make him look like an idiot. Of course, you caught every mistake that he made- even the ones he made on purpose just to see if you were really paying attention to his work and not bamboozling him.

“My bad,” he mutters, copying down the same problem on a different sheet of paper. He didn’t even get a chance to make a move on you today- not like he could make any big developments in the campus library anyway.

“Is it like this?” he asks, tilting his notebook to face you. You take a hard look at it and nod.

“Yeah, just make sure you know the difference between these two formulas, or else you’ll mess up on the midterm,” you say thoughtfully.

This was your fourth or fifth tutoring session by now? Truth be told he wasn’t really counting. Each moment he spent with you kind of blended together and he didn’t quite know if that was a bad thing or not.

“You know you’re not even struggling,” you say, your nose buried deep in your textbook. “It’s not like you’re completely clueless like Jimin. It seems like you’re wasting money on stuff you already know.”

Jungkook laughs heartily, getting shushed by the people around him. He really was stupid, wasn’t he?

“Yeah, well, it was just an excuse to hang out with the pretty girl in class, you know?” he says as nonchalantly as he could. You stare at him for a second and he swears he feels his body freeze over. If looks could kill...

You just shook your head with a click of your tongue and got back to reading.

“The pretty girl in class is most definitely not me,” you grumble. “If you wanted, I could’ve given you Soobin’s number without all the added hassle of you trying to come talk to me-”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Jungkook stops you from saying anything else. He looked worriedly at your face. “I don’t even know who the hell Soobin is, why would I want her number?”

You look at him and finally, you chuckle. ‘She really does have a nice smile,’ Jungkook thought to himself. It would be nice if he could make you laugh more often and not just on rare occasions like this.

“You’re saying you don’t know Yoongi’s ex?” you tease slightly. You were finally letting your guard down with him and Jungkook smirked. One wall down, another million more to go.

“Bold of you to assume that I know any of Yoongi’s exes,” he says and you scoff. “He’s an asshole when it comes to dating.”

You roll your eyes.

“Isn’t that your whole friend group?”

He pouts. You knew of his reputation after all. Jungkook thought he could get away playing a nice boy act, but it didn't seem possible considering your knowledge of him. A little white lie couldn’t hurt in the end.

“Not me,” he replies. “I choose my relationships pretty carefully.”

You take a glance at him before jotting down a few more words in your notebook.

“Well,” you start off, a little shy to admit what you were about to say, “I guess we both have that in common.”

He tilts his head rather cutely out of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

You cough awkwardly, adjusting yourself on one of the library’s notoriously squeaky seats.

“I’ve never really had a boyfriend before,” you say quietly. His eyes bulge out from their sockets.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not,” you say, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“Like, you’ve never been on a date or what?”

“I have,” you say hesitantly. “I’ve been on a few but they just never led into anything serious. I was pretty focused on studying in high school so there weren’t really any opportunities to get involved with someone. Plus, the guys who pursued me weren’t very... attractive.”

Jungkook laughs loudly again, much to the dismay of the other students in the library. He liked that you didn’t beat around the bush- it was easier to talk to you that way.

“And me?” he asks teasingly, laying his head on his arm that was atop the desk. He looks up at you with that boyish grin of his that gave you small butterflies in your stomach. You stare back at him, but only for a second. You ignore his watchful gaze and continue to flip through your textbook, trying to find the passage you last read. He keeps his eyes locked on you and you just couldn’t resist.

“What about you?” you ask, feigning ignorance.

“Am I attractive?” he replies as bluntly as he could. You stop your movements and he chuckles.

“You’re... cute,” you settle on that word. Cute. It was safe enough to not be misinterpreted too much. He sits up straight with a satisfied smirk. He takes his pen and draws a heart on the side of your notebook. He winks at you when you stare back at him, puzzled by his actions.

“You are too.”

—

“Tell me you’re lying,” Soobin whines disappointingly, shaking your shoulders. You were trying to eat lunch undisturbed in one of the campus cafes but your two friends seem hell-bent on making you suffer. “There’s no way you’re friends with Jungkook.”

You sigh, attempting to rid yourself of Soobin’s grasp but to no avail.

“He’s an asshole, [Y/N],” Gaeun sighs disappointingly. “I thought you were a feminist, why the fuck do you even tolerate him?”

You glare at her for a split second before going back to prying Soobin off you.

“Jungkook has no respect for women or himself. It shows in how many shitty friends he has,” Soobin chants, still clearly bitter that Yoongi dumped her.

You shake your head, rolling your shoulders back when she finally lets go of you.

“Jungkook’s not even as bad as you guys describe him,” you reply. “He’s actually been really sweet.”

The girls take a glance at each other and burst in a fit of laughter.

“You must be out of your damn mind,” Gaeun cries. You cower slightly at their words. It’s not like you said anything that controversial, did you?

Soobin slaps Gaeun on the shoulder when she realizes how your face had soured. It wasn’t right to judge you for your choice of friends so harshly, no matter how horrid said person was.

“As long as it doesn’t go past friends,” she says soothingly, but that only made you feel worse.

“Why?” you ask a little hesitantly. “Does Jungkook sleep around?”

Gaeun nods, a worrying glimpse in her eyes.

“He's not exactly the type to kiss and stay...”

You nod understandingly. You weren’t too clueless to believe Jungkook when he said he was “careful” on who he dated. As long as you knew the boundaries that came with being his tutor, everything should be fine... right?

“Don’t worry guys,” you say with determination. “I’m not the type to get played-”

“Of course you are!” Gaeun sighed. “Guys gravitate towards girls like you who lack experience. Jungkook’s a fucking weirdo, of course, he’s gonna try and-”

“[Y/N]!” a shout from across the cafe screams. That distracted you from the various insults Gaeun was spewing from her mouth. You get that she was being critical of Jungkook, but did she have to speak ill of you too?

You look around and catch Jungkook waving frantically at you. He stops at your table and takes a mere glance at your friends before setting his focus on you. 

“Do you have time to help me out today? One of the papers for my writing class-”

“You tutor him in writing now, too?!” Soobin exclaimed, mouth agape. “[Y/N], what the fuck.”

You try to ignore your friend’s overreaction, a little disheartened when Jungkook looked hurt at their words. He had started to shy away from them as if he didn’t feel welcomed.

“Nevermind, I’ll just ask you later-”

“Actually,” you say standing up. “I’m free now.”

The two girls look back and forth between you and Jungkook, noticing the stars in your eyes when you looked at him. They did not like the thought of you two together at all.

“But [Y/N]-” 

You ignored their words and start to walk away, hoping Jungkook would come catch up to you. You didn’t quite know why their insistence on him being a bad person had made your blood boil. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware of his flirtatious tendencies, but hearing from your friends that you shouldn’t pursue a guy that you liked-

You stopped in your tracks and feel heat climb up your face. Like.

No way you admitted that just now. There’s no possible way you actually like-

“Hey, wait up,” Jungkook pants, his hand touching your shoulder. “Why do you walk so fast for-”

He sees your shocked face and turns you towards him, his hands on your shoulder similar to how Soobin had shaken you just earlier. Except this time, it felt comforting. It made your whole body feel warm as if you were coated with a weighted blanket. Was he always this gorgeous?

“What’s wrong?” he asks, inspecting your face closely. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“N-nothing,” you swipe his hands away and rush out the door of the cafe. He smirks at how flustered you look, maybe he did have an effect on you after all.

Jungkook takes a last glimpse at the two girls who sat in their seats, staring at him disapprovingly. He raised an eyebrow at them and shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans, following after you. ‘They’ll try to get in the way,’ Jungkook thought to himself, ‘but they’re already too late.’

The girls clenched their fist out of annoyance. He was definitely trying to get on their nerves.

“There’s something strange about what’s happening,” Gaeun mutters.

“They’re up to something,” Soobin agrees. “I don’t trust him at all.”

—

It’s been a week since you last spoke to your friends, not really wanting to read the messages they bombarded you with about how you should stay for away from Jungkook. It was hard to take any of their advice seriously when they were just badmouthing him without reason. They based all their opinions on him from rumors around the school and Soobin always felt the need to compare him to Yoongi even though they both had very different personalities. Well, at least to you they seemed very different.

Frankly, you were sick of their nagging and just turned off notifications from that group chat altogether. Instead of sitting next to them during Microeconomics, you opted to sit with Jungkook in the back of the lecture hall instead of at the front with them. Jungkook had abandoned his own rowdy friend group to sit with you and flashed them quick smirks and winks whenever they’d stare at him. 

Slowly, Jungkook had started to become a constant in your day to day life. You walked to class with him, ate with him, played video games with him. It was sort of strange how used to you were of his presence, like you had known him your whole life. Jungkook snaps you out of your thoughts when he starts humming a little tune.

He draws a heart in the corner of your notes- which you find he has a habit of doing whenever he wanted to say something stupid.

“I don’t get what he’s saying,” he pouts cutely. “It’s like he’s speaking a foreign language.”

You shake your head, not paying him any mind.

“Well maybe if you actually paid attention,” you mutter softly. He scoots closer to you and you feel yourself stiffen.

“But you’re tutoring me later on anyway,” he says teasingly. “I get more bang for my buck if I know less.”

“Bang for my buck,” you scoff. “Who even says that anymore?”

He points at himself nonchalantly and you can’t help but crack a smile as you continue to focus on the professor’s words. You don’t even cower under his gaze like you usually do when he stares at you with those puppy dog eyes.

“What do you want?” you ask, finally caving when Professor Kwon adjusted something in his PowerPoint slides. He smiles.

“I want to hold your hand,” Jungkook replies and you could feel your palms clam up. His flirtatious comments increased as time passed and you didn’t really quite know whether he was just teasing you or if he was genuinely interested in you. You weren’t very good at taking a hint.

“I’m writing right now...” you reply, slightly skipping a beat in your note-taking. He really was the ultimate distraction, wasn’t he?

Jungkook pouts sadly, but you can tell an idea pops up in his mind when his eyes start to glimmer. He sits his hand on your thigh and you jolt back from the touch of his hand on the material of your jeans. He pulls away slightly, scared that he had made you uncomfortable.

“I just want to put my arm around you,” he asks innocently. “Are you okay with that?”

You calm yourself down and nod. For goodness sake, you weren’t a child- why did a hand on your thigh make you so nervous for?!

“Yeah,” you say, a little more confident despite your nerves. “Go ahead.”

He smiles softly at you and connects his hand to your waist, pulling you a little closer to him. It was comforting, not at all meant to be more than just a public display of affection. He finds himself getting lost in the lecture along with you, his hand playing with a loose thread on your shirt through it all. He didn’t even look at his friends who were teasing him on the other side of the class or your own friends shooting daggers into his being.

At that moment, it was you, him, and Professor Kwon giving out a lecture that had half of the students already asleep. He smiled at how diligently you worked and how your breath would quicken when Professor Kwon switched the slides without a warning. It was the little idiosyncrasies like this that caught his attention, the kind of things that made him wonder where you’d been all his life.

The smile on Jungkook’s face disappeared when he came to that realization.

Fuck.

—

Jungkook rolls around the grass while you sit on the picnic blanket you two had set up. Midterms were over and grades would soon be announced. He wanted a much-needed distraction from the monotony of constant studying and you had suggested a small picnic in a nearby park. Of course, he agreed. 

“We’re free,” he groans. “Finally free.”

Jungkook stares hungrily at the assortment of food you had laid out for the two of you. He tries to reach a hand out to grab a bottle of lemonade but ultimately fails in the end. You giggle at his silliness, popping a grape in your mouth.

“You’re welcome by the way,” you say jokingly. “Don’t think you could’ve done it without me.”

He sits up to face you, bowing deeply as if you were a traditional empress.

“Thank you,” he says, imitating a Joseon accent. He was watching far too many historical dramas recently.

“You’re embarrassing me,” you say, attempting to straighten him out. “Sit up.”

He complies, only after a few pulls from you, with a toothy grin on his face.

“Seriously, I don’t think I could have gone through the first few weeks of Professor Kwon’s class without your notes,” he sighs, opening his mouth to signal that he wanted to be fed. You roll your eyes but placed a grape between his teeth anyway.

“You have hands, you should know how to use them,” you mumble shyly.

You move to take another grape for yourself, but he grabs your wrist before you could. He intertwines his fingers into yours.

“Why should I when my hands are holding yours~,” he says in a sing-song voice. It made you want to throw up at how cheesy he was, but you couldn’t help but laugh along as he cringed at his own words. When was it so normal for him to hold your hands like this?

“You can’t go one sentence without flirting, can you?” you sigh, feigning annoyance.

“Not when it comes to you,” he replies, but you could feel sincerity laced between his laughter. “I can’t resist flirting when it makes you all giggly like this.”

You purse your lips to prevent yourself from smiling too brightly. Jungkook and you were somewhat past the point of being just friends by now, but you were too much of a coward to label what you had with him. What if there was a chance that he was just leading you on?

Jungkook saw your furrowed brows. He rubbed circles on your hands with his thumbs to ease you.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asks softly, about to let go.

“No-” you say a little too quickly, clasping him closer to you. Your faces were inches apart now, much nearer than they were before.

“D-don’t,” you attempt to say but you’re tongue tangled as you looked at his lips. He certainly does have nice lips...

“Don’t what?” he asks in a lowly voice. You start to look around you- anywhere that wasn’t him. The park was relatively empty but it still felt embarrassing to say anything too loud.

“D-don’t let me go,” you say, your eyes on the picnic blanket rather than on him. His gaze was too intense to look at. Jungkook feels his heart clench. You were cute, too cute. 

He shouldn’t be feeling this attached to you, but he couldn’t help it. Everything you did, every word that came out of your mouth- it had him wanting more from you than he could possibly handle. It was dangerous to feel this way.

“Why don’t you want me to let you go?” he asks nervously. He too was anxious for the answer. If you were to confess to Jungkook right now, he’d get the first part of the bet done, but there’d be no turning back after your confession. He would have to lie to you from now on. 

Jungkook closed his eyes, chanting to himself that it’s okay to like you for a little while, just as long as he doesn’t get too attached in the end. He needed the money, he really did.

“Because,” you start off with a sigh, staring at him now with glossy eyes. “I like you.”

Jungkook feels like he could do ten backflips in one go and it wouldn’t even drain him of energy. The smile on his face was huge, his eyes curling into that half-moon shape that made you swoon. 

Jungkook was relieved and if the boys asked, it was because he’d only have to date you for three months. He’d die before he’d admit to them that he caught feelings because Taehyung, as generous as he was with his bets, would never give Jungkook the money unless he cleanly broke up with you. It was one of his unspoken rules.

“I like you too.”

You smile at him and he can’t help but pull you close, his lips hovering over yours.

“Can I?”

You nod.

His lips graze yours slightly but he pushes a bit closer when he feels you lean into his touch. He kisses you again, and again, and again, but you pull away when his tongue had started to prod at your lips. Your face was flushed,  embarrassed to be doing this in such a public place.

“Maybe later?” you say, panting slightly. He gives you a cheeky grin and nods.

“At my place?” he asks with a wink.

You hesitate, letting go of his arms, twiddling with your fingers. You wanted to set clear labels on what your relationship was. You didn't want to accidentally get caught up in a friends-with-benefits situation and be all shocked when Jungkook ends up breaking your heart.

“So we’re dating now, right?” you ask cautiously, looking at him with a worried glint in your eyes. 

Jungkook’s mouth opens to speak but no words come out. He thinks a little harder about the whole situation... He was getting good grades, spending some quality time with a girl he’s clearly attracted to, and having his rent paid off all in one? He was killing three birds with one stone. It shouldn’t be too big of a problem to catch feelings for now, right? It’s not like any of his relationships lasted longer than a couple of months anyway.

He nods, cupping your face lightly.

“Yeah,” he hesitates. “We’re dating.”

Jungkook wasn’t aware, as he gives you another light peck, that it wasn’t possible to have his cake and eat it too.

—

It happens naturally. You coming in and out of his apartment that he shared with his friends, you tangling your legs with his underneath the sheets of his bed. It was hard to imagine a life where you didn’t wake up with him by your side. You were so wrapped up in his touch, so wrapped up in the sweet words he would whisper into your ears, that you spent most of your time with him. 

You weren’t really up to date with your friends anymore and he didn’t really hang out with his either. Jungkook shared an apartment with Seokjin and Hoseok, and so the only contact he had with the other boys was when they visited those two. He should’ve known to take you back home when all the boys bombarded into his living room, where you sat with him watching TV. 

“The lovebirds are at it again,” Taehyung coos, a mysterious glint in his eyes. “The honeymoon stage hasn’t passed quite yet, has it?”

Jungkook chucks one of the sofa’s throw pillows at his friend, obviously annoyed. What the fuck did Taehyung think he was doing?

“Quit it,” he mutters. You were sitting next to Jungkook, his arm around your shoulder protectively

“Why?” Yoongi yawns. “Anyone can see how incredibly in love you two are.”

You didn’t quite like the smirk he gave the two of you. This didn’t feel like regular teasing... it felt like he knew something that you weren't aware of. It made you curl your toes out of fear.

“Guys,” Jimin says calmly. “Stop it.”

The boys shrug their shoulders as if they said nothing wrong.

“We’re just pointing out how cute they are together,” Taehyung noted, “It’s not like we’re lying to her or anything-”

“Yeah, or leading her on or anything like that-”

“I think I should go,” you say hurriedly, uncomfortable at how tense the atmosphere was. Jungkook was clenching his fists, about ready to start a fight any second. Knowing his strength, you didn’t want anyone to walk around with a bruised eye because you couldn’t handle a few jokes- if that’s what Taehyung and Yoongi think they’re making. Harmless jokes.

“I’ll take you home,” Jungkook announces, standing up with you. Namjoon pulls him down back on the couch.

“Let someone else take her,” he says sternly. “We need to talk.”

Jungkook was about to protest until you spoke up.

“I can get home by myself just fine.”

“Hoseok and I can take you,” Seokjin insists, pulling the unassuming man up with him. “We don’t mind.”

Hoseok gives you a lopsided smile and you return an equally awkward one.

“Okay, that’s settled,” you say, clapping your hands. You walk over to Jungkook. “I’ll text you later okay?”

He nods, grabbing your hand and kissing it lightly. Yoongi scoffs and Taehyung glares at Jungkook. The dirty glances they were giving each other... You didn’t like it at all.

“Let me know when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

—

The walk to your apartment was unnecessarily awkward, Hoseok and Seokjin were talking too much and you talked too little. You tried to respond to their every quip, but you weren’t in the mood for chatting after that whole mess.

“You okay, [Y/N]?” Hoseok asks worriedly. “Don’t think too much about what those idiots said back there, they’re like that all the time.”

You nod, keeping your eyes on the ground. There was something chipping away at the back of your mind, something you wanted to get out of your chest.

“Would you say Jungkook and Yoongi act similarly?” you hesitate to say, “like with relationships?”

The two boys exchanged nervous glances at each other.

“Well, it depends,” Seokjin starts, choosing his words specifically. “What about relationships specifically?”

“Does he...,” you start off, not knowing the right phrase without sounding too harsh, “play around with girls? Like how Yoongi played around with Soobin?”

Hoseok looked at you with a raised brow.

“Who’s Soobin?” he asks before getting punched in the arm by Seokjin. “What the fuck bro!”

Seokjin clears his throat.

“What Hoseok meant to say,” he starts, glaring at his friend a little too harshly, “is that Yoongi never really introduces us to his girlfriends. You, on the other hand, are one of the few girls Jungkook actually took the time to invite over.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok chimes in. “He’s not exactly the most chivalrous, but he wouldn’t ghost someone like Yoongi did.”

Somehow their words weren’t enough to satisfy you. There was still something off in the conversation that transpired between the three boys- as if they were all keeping something from you. You stopped abruptly in front of your apartment complex, finally making eye-contact with the two boys.

“Do you think...” you start, a slight quiver in your voice, “that Jungkook is cheating on me?”

The two boys let out a deep breath that you didn’t even notice they were holding and laughed joyously together. They cackled as if what you said was the funniest thing they had ever heard in their life. Seokjin wipes a stray tear from his eye.

“Y-you think Jungkook’s cheating on you?!”

You nod, a little embarrassed at their reaction. Hoseok shakes his head, sighing out of his laughter.

“Trust me,” Hoseok starts, his breath evening out. “Jungkook would never cheat on you.”

You start to giggle along with them until a serious look suddenly takes over Seokjin’s features. He faces you fully.

“But listen [Y/N],” he starts. “If Jungkook hurts you, just know that he does love you. Like, undeniably. He does.”

“And we’re not just saying that as his friends either,” Hoseok continues. “We know how he’s like and we can tell that he really does like you.”

You smile at the two, feeling a small sense of comfort at their words.

“Thank you, guys. I mean it.”

They pat you on the back.

“Anything for Jungkook’s girlfriend.”

—

You walk through the campus cafeteria, eyes searching for a free table that you can sit alone in. Jungkook had Taekwondo practice so there would be no lovey-dovey feeding time with him. 

He’s been a lot tenser since the living room incident (which was already a week ago) and it seemed like he got more agitated as the days passed. Not towards you directly, but he’d always mutter slight insults whenever Yoongi or Taehyung passed by. It made you worried that you had done something to possibly drive a wrench into their relationship without even knowing it.

‘Whatever,’ you thought, ‘I’ll talk about it with him when he comes over later.’

You aren’t able to find a seat, though, when you feel dainty fingers wrap around  your elbow to pull you back lightly.

“[Y/N],” Gaeun says in a low voice. “We need to talk.”

It wasn’t like you had been ignoring them deliberately, though that was definitely the case at the start. You just couldn’t find the time to really hang out with them as much as you used to since you were with Jungkook most of the time. It was like that too when Gaeun and Soobin were in relationships, so you never really felt bad about doing it yourself.

“Yeah sure. I miss you guys,” you smile at her, but she doesn’t return it back.

“Come with me.”

Gaeun leads you to a table near the back of the room, where Soobin was sat up against the wall with her own tray of food. You sit down in front of her and Gaeun takes the seat next to Soobin.

“Good, you’re here,” Soobin says, apprehension laced in her voice. “We need to talk about Jungkook.”

You roll your eyes.

“Not this again-”

“[Y/N],” Gaeun warns. “Listen.”

You keep quiet, a little intimidated of how scary their expressions were.

“It’s all a bet,” Soobin says sternly.

You furrow your brows at her. She tends to speak vaguely when you needed her to be specific the most.

“What?”

“It’s a bet, [Y/N],” Gaeun repeats for her. “Jungkook’s only dating you because Taehyung said he’d pay his rent off if he did.”

You clench your fist on the table. How could they sit there and spew lies so easily?

“What are you guys-”

“Those dicks do this all the time,” Soobin rambles. “They play stupid games with girls just to fucking break their hearts later on and-”

“I don’t believe you,” you say confidently. “Jungkook would never do that to me. Besides-”

Gaeun didn’t even wait until you stopped talking to play a recording on her phone. The voices were familiar enough to recognize.

“So you’re telling me that Jungkook’s just fucking around with [Y/N] because he wants priority registration? You have to be fucking joking...”

You could tell from the sound of the person’s voice that it was Soobin. It sounded like she was putting on her clothes.

“Of course not. He’s doing it for priority registration and his rent getting paid for the rest of the year. I’m not joking when I say Tae goes big with his bets. He likes to flex his money on us like that.”

Your jaw drops at the sound of the man’s voice. It was Yoongi. You were sure of it.

“And you guys don’t feel bad? Like at all?”

“Why should we? Jungkook’s planning to break up with her next week anyway so she doesn’t catch feelings for too long. It’s not like they were gonna last past the three-month deal...”

Gaeun paused the recording when she sees you bite your lip so harshly that blood starts to surface. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel real.

“I hooked up with him last weekend,” Soobin admits, shame written all over her face. “He was spewing stuff about Jungkook spending all his time with you and not really hanging out with the boys like he used to.”

“You still hook up with Yoongi? After all he did to you?” you ask, not meaning to come off aggressive but undoubtedly did.

“Look,” Gauen starts, taking the heat off of Soobin. “She was just drunk and looking to have fun. I was with her that night and I was talking to Namjoon. He...”

Gaeun trailed off, but you were sick of it. Sick of being kept in the dark from something you should’ve known all along.

“What?”

“H-he told me that all the boys were getting tired of him playing around with you,” she says, twiddling with her fingers. “He’s supposed to break up with you today. Some of the guys think he’s just prolonging it to fuck with you and they’re getting really annoyed-”

You bite back the tears threatening to spill over any minute now.

“Hoseok and Seokjin told me to trust Jungkook. They said he wouldn’t hurt me-”

“Did they also tell you that their rent gets paid too if Jungkook pulled through with the bet?” Soobin replies angrily. “Because they live together, don’t they?”

You open your mouth but no sound comes out- just a small whimper. Your lips start to quiver and you bite your lip again to calm yourself down. When you had collected your thoughts, you glared up at the two girls.

“And you didn’t tell me this earlier?”

Soobin scoffed.

“You were fucking ignoring us too, how were we supposed to tell you?”

“Still it wouldn’t have killed you to-”

“Don’t take your anger out on us,” Gaeun warns, her finger pointing at you. “Jungkook is the one to blame. We told you from the start that he was bad news.”

You pursed your lips and Gaeun put her finger down, feeling guilty that she lashed out on you when obviously you were just processing the information.

“Hey, I’m sorry-”

“Why me?” you ask with teary eyes. “What did I even do to them to deserve this?” 

They glance over at each other for a long while before Soobin breaks the silence. You had the right to know, but at the same time, they knew it would break you.

“It’s a sick game that they play where they just choose someone randomly...” Soobin starts off gently handing off the next few words to Gaeun, “and you were just the first girl to walk into Professor Kwon’s lecture hall. He thought you’d be...”

“Easy,” Soobin finished.

Just as they predicted, you had burst out in tears.

—

Jungkook opens the door to your apartment, using the spare key you had given him a month earlier since he tended to visit often. It was more convenient that way. 

He was freshly out of his Taekwondo garb, still sweaty, but otherwise clean from taking a shower at the campus gym. He found it strange at how dark the room was, but he knew you were on the couch from the noticeable lump of a blanket on it.

All Jungkook wanted was to cuddle with you and fall asleep in your arms after such a harrowing day. Lord knows he needs your warmth right now.

He smiled as he made his way towards you, but stops in his tracks when you sit up from where you laid. He couldn’t quite see you in the darkness so he walked to the light switch to turn the lights on. His heart broke at the sight of you.

Tears stained your cheeks, your eyes red and puffy from all the crying. You looked a mess and his blood boiled at the thought of someone hurting you. 

“What happened?” he asked, rushing over to you and cupping your face in his hands. You push him away.

“You don’t have to act anymore,” you say softly. “I can handle it.”

He looks at you with furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about-”

“I get that you really need the money,” you say through bated breaths, “I get that financially, it would have really helped, but did you really have to hurt me to do that?”

Jungkook’s breathing stopped. Everything was happening too quickly, his world crashing down when you uttered those words. He knew what this meant, knew that now you would see past his lies. Jungkook couldn’t have you finding out this way. 

He kneeled in front of you, attempting to wipe away the tears from your eyes but you push him off.

“[Y/N] no-”

“It could’ve been anyone,” you whimper, trying to look up at the ceiling to prevent any more tears from falling down. “Anyone could’ve walked through that door and you would’ve been okay with it.”

“That’s not true-” he interjects but you stop him.

“A-and you flirted with me all the time ‘cause you knew that I wasn’t used to it,” you say, your voice quivering. “You took advantage of me.”

Jungkook shakes his head rapidly, eyes pleading for you to let him speak. It hurt seeing you refuse to even look at him, to have your eyes so filled with sadness because of what he did to you. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad.

“No, you have to listen-”

“They told me not to trust you,” you whimper somberly. “They told me and I didn’t believe them because I... I was delusional or something. I thought that someone like you could actually like someone like me-”

His heart broke. It wasn’t you that didn’t deserve him. It was him. All him.

“Please don’t say that-”

“Did you come here to seal the deal? To finally break up with me?” you ask sadly. “Are you happy you’ll get the classes you want next quarter, Jungkook?”

He clenches his teeth. Jungkook knows you’re mad, knows you have a right to be, but it feels like he’s being cornered by you. Why won’t you give him the chance to speak?

“[Y/N], no,” he says sternly, “You have to trust me when I say that it went past just a bet. I like you. Genuinely, I like you.”

There was no point in lying any longer. You deserved to know the truth, but he needed you to know all of it- not just the information your friends cherry-picked to fit their narrative. He tried to speak again, but you wouldn’t let him.

“How could you,” you whimper. “How could someone be so cruel?”

Jungkook’s heart breaks at the words. He should’ve seen this coming. How could he delude himself into thinking he’d be okay if you find out- that he’d be fine seeing you heartbroken? He was disgusted with himself.

“I’m sorry [Y/N],” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head, your vision getting blurry from the tears. He clasps your hands in his, knowing that it used to soothe you whenever you felt worried over something, but you just wailed harder at his touch. He didn’t know what to do, he didn't even know where to start.

“Stop pretending like you care,” you cry. “Please. It hurts.”

“It was a bet,” he admits and he breaths through the words to prevent himself from getting too emotional, “but I promise that my feelings are genuine. You have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” you ask crudely.

You stare at him, slowing your breaths to ease the crying. There was a certain emptiness in your gaze and it scared him. It was awfully frightening having you looking at him with a certain animosity that was not there before. Like he was a stranger.

“I can’t do that anymore, Jungkook,” you say softly, “because I hate you.”

—

A/N: Gasp A double update?! Say it isn’t so... I had so much fun writing this!!! Probably one of my favorite fics I’ve written in a while because I love this trope. How do y’all feel about Jungkook? Forgive or forget? Let me know!! Thank you @altus-gens​ for requesting this story, I hope you like it :)

Please leave any comment, critiques, or just random thoughts about my story! I’m planning my murder mystery series rn and I’m so excited (I might... do an album giveaway along with it...) I really love the direction I’m taking this blog in and I hope you guys are excited for the stories to come~~ 

buy me a coffee?

[baecvlt]

Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

[patmycheek]

The Family Feud

Dissaya & Ming

Before this episode, I can’t think of a problem big enough to cause both families to hate each other. Like, what could Pat’s dad possibly do to make Pran’s mom hate him and Pat so much. But after ep.10, I think her anger’s pretty justified. 

Back then, Dissaya had worked her butt off. She won competitions, gotten stellar grades, and eventually secured a scholarship to a great university. She could do it bc she had her best friend’s support. The best friend who she knew she could count on, the best friend whom she shared her big dreams with. Even now, it’s hard for girls to get scholarships, I can’t imagine how it was in the 90s. I mean for something as important as that, her teacher didn’t even talk to her about Ming’s accusations.

So, Ming took her scholarship, behind her back. As a patriarchal man himself, imagine how much worse Pat’s akong was. I assume Ming was the first born son in a Chinese family with a family business to continue. He knew his future was set, but he still had expectations to fulfill. So, he convinced himself that he needed it more, that he’d benefit more from his best friend’s scholarship. Dissaya was clever, she could get into other universities. Most importantly, she’d understand. 

i get where he’s coming from, but he’s still a shitty dude. i can’t believe after everything he went through, he still treats his oldest son the same way his father treated him. he should know better.

But it wasn’t just a scholarship, it was the start of a life she’d always dreamed of. The opportunities she could’ve had, the things she could’ve learned, the people she could’ve met. Ming stole it all, her best friend, took it all, and he didn’t have even an ounce of decency to apologize or at least tell her about it. 

I think at one point, Dissaya did try to understand. Ming’s family expected highly of him, maybe he would use the scholarship to get an amazing job, make it far into his future, make his family proud. I think Dissaya started to forgive him at one point too, he was her best friend, she’d wish him a great future. But when she found out all he did was continue his dad’s business, I think her anger grew into hatred. She didn’t understand, and she didn’t want to. She didn’t care what his reasons were (it’s not like he apologized & tried to explain anw). He took her future for nothing.

When Dissaya said this, I feel like she never really hates Pat. I don’t think she believes that she had been teaching her son to hate the children next door. I think she believes she taught Pran to protect himself. Always keep your guard up, stay away from them bc they’re cheaters, they will hurt you. Always do better than your best, always be better than Pat, that way he’ll have nothing to take from you, he can’t hurt you.

She didn’t realize the pressure she’s been putting on Pran. In her eyes, he’s always smiling, always happy. He answers her questions and did the things she asked without complaint. But Pran’s a perfectionist, his things must be perfectly aligned, clean, and put in a certain order. He’s trying to get some control in his life. He’s different from other kids. Maybe Dissaya noticed, maybe she didn’t. But she chose to raise him that way bc in the end, he has to be stronger, smarter, better than the boy next door. It’s the only way he’ll be safe from the pain and betrayal she felt.

When Pran finally tells her they’re dating, I don’t think Dissaya felt hurt. I think she panicked. I mean she can image how bad it feels to be cheated by your friend. But to be betrayed by your lover? She refuse to even imagine her one and only son get so heartbroken.

But Ming, I don’t know why he’s pushing Pat so hard, he’s literally trying to mold him into Ming 2.0. Maybe he’s trying to prove a point, what point, I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to ease his guilt, if his son is the best, then he didn’t do anything wrong. He did what he had to do in order to get to this point in his life, so he can support Pat, his son. His son who’s the best at every sport, every lesson, every art. He did that, he made Pat the best. And he wouldn’t have been able to do that if he didn’t get that scholarship.

Let’s not even get to the saving face & reputation part of the drama. It’s so typical of Asian parents to put their reputations first. But in Dissaya’s case, I can sort of see the root of her stubbornness. I’m the victim. He should apologize to me, he should come to me. Why should I lose to him again? I think she didn’t realize that It’s a battle of pride in the expense of her only child.

Anw conclusion: Ming’s a shit person. I see people saying that he must’ve had a reason. Sure, ok. But I just hate that he’s a coward who didn’t own up to what he did, didn’t even apologize. I mean, what kind of shit answer is this?

He thinks he’s been teaching Pat how to be a man. I hope he knows he’s not even half the man Pat is.

[yoongsicles]

Payment (Zhong Chenle)

“Happy new year!!” Everyone shouted as they watch the beautiful set of fireworks not too far away from the yacht.

You continued wiping the spilled drinks on the bar island while everyone’s busy greeting each other. Every occasion doesn’t excite you anymore. Even your birthday.

What you have in mind right now is to work for your rent and to always have high grades to keep your scholarship.

Here you are right now, part-timing at a privately owned yacht while the others are partying. Some of them are familiar because they also attend the same school as you.

You sighed as you stretched your arms up feeling the tiredness already. But you can’t give up. You need to get your pay at the end of this party.

“Hey” you looked at the man in front of you. He had this cheeky smile on him with a glass of whiskey in his right hand.

“You’re from Dream University too, right?” He asked. All you could is nod, not really paying attention because you have work to do.

“I’m Chenle” he introduced trying to shake your hand but you just looked at him “And I’m busy” you replied bowing and you focused on mixing some drinks.

“It’s rude not to introduce yourself to the owner of this yacht you know. You might not get your payment later” he said drinking his whiskey and making you look at him again with a shocked look on your face.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m just too busy to entertain a conversation. Do you need anything?” You asked him “I need to know your name” he answered.

“Y/N” you smiled at him and shook his hand.

You both didn’t expect that your conversation will last an hour. You didn’t even notice that some of the guests are already leaving. You can’t deny that you’re already comfortable with him even if he’s technically your boss.

“Chenle! We’re gonna get going. Jisung’s wasted already” a guy approached Chenle while struggling to carry a wasted boy on his shoulder. It’s Jisung, you assumed.

“I told him not to drink too much cause it’s his first-time” Chenle was obviously disappointed seeing his friend being this wasted “Get going now, Jaem. Take care of him,” he said before bidding goodbye.

When everyone was gone, you and the other three employees were the only ones left to clean the place. It was almost 5o’clock in the morning when you all finished everything.

Tired and sleepy, you noticed envelopes at the top of the bar island. “Here’s our payment” you handing each envelope to the others.

When you opened yours, you were shocked to see that there was nothing inside but before you could ask your co-employees, the three of them were gone already.

“Y/N” you turned around to see a shirtless Chenle with his swim trunks “Oh my God” you whispered turning away immediately.

“Uhm this envelope is empty?” You said waving the envelope “I know and you’ll get it once you agree to join me in the jacuzzi” you looked at him this time not caring if he’s shirtless at all.

“You’re joking right?” you told him “Please?” but he’s being serious. At this point, you were stuck between running away without your payment and agreeing with him and wait for your payment after.

“Double the payment then,” you said crossing your arms “Deal” he answered taking your hand and guiding you to the jacuzzi.

“It’s gonna be fun, I promise,” he said before dipping himself “Chenle” You called as you watch him “Fuck” you mumbled.

With hesitation, you slowly stripped yourself leaving you with your white tank top and black panties. You didn’t even notice Chenle watching you with dark eyes.

You bit your lower lip when you caught him staring at you. Your mind suddenly thought of the dirtiest things you could ever imagine.

This wasn’t the first time you felt sexually attracted to a guy. You even had sex before but with Chenle, he’s not even doing anything but he’s making you feel like you’re already on cloud nine just by his gaze.

Chenle on the other hand was thankful because you can’t see how hard he is underwater. He swam near you trying to take your hand and you gladly let him take it.

He carefully guided you into the water. The cold breeze hitting your face gave you goosebumps but Chenle’s hands on your waist and you sitting on his lap made your mind went blank.

The two of you just stayed their just looking at each other. Admiring each other’s imperfections. “You’re beautiful” he whispered, face inching closer to you.

You could only reply with a ‘hmm’ because you’re drowning in his eyes. You quietly moaned when you felt his hardness touched your clothed pussy.

That was Chenle’s sign before he gave in and kissed you. You reciprocated the kiss holding onto him and bringing him closer to you. He wrapped your legs around his waist squeezing your ass gently.

The kiss was deep but passionate. Tongues fighting, hips grinding. The both of you just want to feel each other so Chenle used all of his strength to lift you up the jacuzzi making you squeak.

He’s now facing your clothed pussy making you wetter down there. He gave you a look asking for your permission. You nod and he slowly removed your underwear placing it to the side.

“Be a good girl for me and I’ll give you the payment you deserve”

••••••••••

Daddy Chenle in da haus

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The Breakup Playlist