#If they tell me i need to stay at the hospital this after monday i will simply refuse and die

[the-evil-pizza]

Folks if my hemoglobine is fucked again i Will Kill God with my own 2 hands. Punch him like in that iconic agito scene.

[theplumsoldier]

taking care

summary: on thursdays you and joel have a drink, but this time poor old joel is in need of a friend and makes a confession, which brings you closer than ever before.

pairing: joel miller x afab!reader

word count: 8,1k

warning: angst, alcohol consumption, talk of sad bad memories ;(joel tells you about everything that went down at the firefly hospital; killing-spree, lying to ellie, etc.), self-l oathing, crying joel, mutual pining, friends to lovers bro, vulgar language, some domestic bliss, friends to lovers trope!!! mdni 18+: mentions of masturbation and fantasizing about friends, oral (female receiving), fingering, unprotected p in v, breeding kink, praise kink, pet names. let me know if i missed anything! <3<3

You found it ironic how you had longed for the sun's blazing rays to warm your body all winter when summer had finally reached Jackson and now you were whining and moaning because it felt like you were being fucking boiled alive.

The sweat tickled down your skin, perspiration spread in your hairline, threatening to bunch into droplets and fall from your nose and brow. Joel felt himself tense up at the sight. Dressed in washed denim shorts, a t-shirt, and worn cowboy boots—it was a sight to behold. You looked like an angel to a southern man, and Joel had to clear his throat to make sure his voice wouldn't fail him.

"Still goin' at it? It's Milton's job to take care 'o the horses, y'know."

Chuckling, you shook your head and dusted your shorts as you stood. Running a hand over your horse's mane, you gave Joel a smirk. "You know she don't like nobody but me."

He chuckled. Joel had noticed that the more time you had spent with him, the more his own southern drawl began to echo in your own voice. Not much, not enough for other people to notice, he doubted you yourself even did, but Joel noticed—and every time he got a taste of that sweet honeyed punctuation, his stomach practically somersaulted.

Today, you hadn't been on patrol together, as you had the morning call and he had the evening call. You knew he'd just gotten back. Typically he would shower after duty, but today he hadn't and you knew him well enough to know why.

"Had a rough run?"

Joel huffed in response, forcing himself to pry his eyes off of you for a second. He had never seen you in this little clothes before and was finding it quite difficult not to give you a one-over when you had turned to him completely.

You had tied your flannel around your waist, leaving your arms bare for the sun to tan and it was then he couldn't help himself. Your cleavage was revealed in the little top you wore, droplets of sweat glistening on your skin as they trailed—

Joel cleared his throat once again, "ya up for a nightcap?"

A sly smirk landed on your lips.

Leading your horse May back into the stables, you walked with Joel to his house, to share a drink or two as you did every so often. You sensed a sort of tradition forming, recalling you had done this exact play every Thursday for the past few months. Five out of seven days a week you patrolled together. On Mondays when you were both off duty you played pool. On two out of seven days, you were in no way obliged to see one another and yet, here you were, making it a tradition—ensuring that you would not go as long as 24 hours without keeping each other company.

You wanted to ask about the day he had had but decided against it and settled on asking how Ellie was doing instead. Having come to know Joel quite well, you understood he would rather let work-related matters stay work-related and it seemed fitting to veer your attention at Ellie as you recalled Joel saying she was doing good at school. You should've talked about the weather. The weather was a safe bet.

"S'it turns out she didn't even go—keeps holdin' out on me," Joel worried, clearly contemplating what might be on Ellie's mind.

Some weeks back, Joel had been thrilled to hear that Ellie was doing good in the school in Jackson, but as it turned out, she had lied to him about going. He wasn't sure where she'd run off to, and that bothered him more than the fact that she was keeping things like this from him—how could he keep her safe, if he didn't even know where she was?

It was clear Joel blamed himself for a lot of things, and though you were well aware he didn't always tell you everything just as Ellie didn't tell him everything, you never hesitated to assure him he was doing a good job. You admired the way he cared for her - it was obvious he loved her and she loved him - although you doubted they ever spoke of that. One night Joel had shared with you a portion of what Ellie had been through, and even admitted that there was a time, a brief span where Ellie had gone through hell for him and he didn't even know what she had endured back then—he blamed himself for a lot of things that happened to her, constantly reminding himself that he was not good enough, that he let her down. Joel hated that feeling, that he was failing yet another daughter and he needed to get a whole lot more of his chest, to talk to someone—to you, about what had happened before they returned to Jackson. He just never could, never knew how to begin nor how to explain why he'd done all those atrocities—what else might one call it? It was fucked up, all of it, but the situation had been so very fucked up too and he just needed someone to agree with him on that, he needed you to ensure him he had been right to make the choices that he did.

But Joel had always been good at keeping his feelings bottled up, letting them mix together over the years until an occasion allowed him to relieve some of the stress that concoction produced.

You had confronted him about it once when you had felt a small fraction of his anger—he had admitted and apologized, for it was so very unprompted he realized when he took it out on you, which led to a much more calm and collected conversation where you advised him to relieve himself of all that weight he insisted on carrying like fucking Atlas lifting the universe. While you didn't want to act like you were any better at that yourself - getting help, that is - he agreed you were right. In that moment he understood and doted the fact that you were willing to let your shoulder be one for him to cry upon if need be. Of course, he wasn't going to do that every chance given (patrolling helped a lot with his anger issues, giving him an excuse to commence violence); nevertheless, Joel felt touched to know you would be there for him.

Instead of dumbing his shitload of stress on you, he found himself going out of his way to see you outside of your communal duties, your company somehow helping in other ways. Though Joel never initiated any deep conversations with you, they happened every now and again and those nights, when he'd go to sleep, it felt as if he could rest just a bit easier.

The sun gradually went over the horizon, the blue sky melting into a nuance of lilac, bringing with it the cold and quiet air of night. This was a peace neither of you had experienced in a long time before settling down in Jackson and therefore as sacred and precious as a promise.

You helped yourself to another drink and Joel quietly watched on as you poured the liquid gold. Holding up the bottle you tipped your head to look at him, silently asking if he needed a refill.

Over the years Joel had become a man of few words and meeting you he suspected he had found his match. You only conversed freely around people you liked and enjoyed the company of, not nearly bothered enough to spare even a glare at those who didn’t deserve your time.

You decided to joke to lighten the mood and hoped you weren't overstepping. "Come on, Joel. I know you're older than me but you must've been a teenager at some point."

It made him snort and his brow jumped at the change of topic though he wasn't about to object. You adored it when he looked at you like that; the way he glared when you teased him or made him laugh. "If I was I sure don't remember."

Joel downed the rest of his drink and held out the glass. You leaned forward and poured him a couple of inches and for a second Joel slipped, forgetting his guard and manners as he watched more of your chest expose to him. He wasn't sure when his attraction had begun, but he had noticed that lately he just couldn't seem to oppress it. Joel would waste away at night, fighting the urge to let himself give in to his desires and fantasize about you as he fisted his cock—and he was strong on that part. It was hard (and in more ways than one) but he felt disrespectful even thinking of you like that. He was supposed to be your friend; and what kind of friend would he be if he was ready to betray your trust when he was feeling lonely.

He gulped.

Finally prying his eyes off of you, Joel wet his dry lips and slushed the drink around the cup.

"You're a generous bartender," he remarked sarcastically.

You laughed.

"You've got expressive eyes, you know that?"

He stopped with the rim of the glass at the tip of his lip, pausing, fearing he had been caught. The thump, thump, thump of his heart resonated in his ears.

"'S that so?" he pondered. "What're they tellin' ya?"

Joel hoped you didn't notice the way his breath hitched in his throat when you leaned back in the rocking chair with a smug smirk on your lips.

"That you were a troublemaker," you grinned. "But you never got in trouble 'cause you were so damn charming as a kid. Probably shoplifted gum or some shit."

Joel laughed. You weren't too far off; he did occasionally get into trouble and he did usually get out of it with no problem—his mom had called him the luckiest boy in the world. The memory struck a cynical thought in his mind; he might have been lucky but not enough to miss the end of the world.

Joel decided to entertain your guessing game. "I ain't ever shoplifted. Didn't have the guts for it," he tutted before taking a swig. "'F I had it would've been condoms though."

Your eyes squinted and crinkled as you bit back a cackle. Your head fell back and your chest bubbled with laughter and he knew he shouldn't have made the last comment when he felt his cock strain against the seams of his washed jeans.

"Joel Miller—scared of a lil' thievin'?" you teased, moving your boot from the porch railing to shove at his thigh.

There was that southern accent you had obtained from him again.

He masqueraded his discomfort by shoving back at your foot with a chuckle—he wasn't sure why he kept his hand on your boot though, keeping it in the place you had put it.

"I didn't have sex till I was like 24..." Joel's expression turned sour as he noticed yours did the same and sensed a bitter memory. Then you mused, trying to make light of the bitter picture that flashed in your mind: "Thought it was love. Turns out it was fear."

You shook your head as if to shake the thoughts out. You'd been through a lot since then, toughened up and become brave enough to fight for yourself, but the memory was still clear. You had vowed to never trust another man again which was why it made this blooming attraction to Joel Miller all the more difficult. The last thing you had considered when coming to Jackson was to try and build a life, and yet; here you were, having built a life with friends and found family in a prospering community with a steady ass job and bars and cafés and all that shit as if the world had never ended.

It seemed almost like you had been feigning sadness for your mien changed so abruptly it caught Joel off guard. You said with casual indifference: "How 'bout you? Ever manage to find love in this fucked up world?"

Joel wasn't sure if you were testing him. You had said he had expressive eyes and completely misread his mind—now he wondered if it was on purpose. The way you nudged him with your boot (that he was still holding onto) told him you were very aware of what you did to him.

And you noticed—of course, you noticed the way his eyes would effortlessly glide over your body, down your body whenever you moved an inch. You had noticed his attention before, but not like this. Not when it shamelessly continued when you had caught him and it made you realize you were not making stuff up in your mind.

Joel wanted you, too.

Now you just wanted him to admit it.

"Once or twice," he finally admitted though his answer gave you little to work with.

You supposed it was the question and not the answer that was the problem; there's a fine line between loving another person, caring for another person, liking a person, and enjoying their company. You had once been told that one could determine if they loved someone, romantically, in just a few minutes by looking into the other person's eyes. It made you wonder—how long would it take you? Would you find that you did in fact love Joel Miller after just 3 minutes? Or would you find that there were more cons than pros to your relationship? Perhaps you might hate him, and this attraction was spurred on by a sadistic kind of hatred and a need to put him in a vulnerable position.

No. That seemed unlikely.

When you first met him you thought he was arrogant, manipulative, and cocky.

Now that you had spent so much one-on-one time with him, you had realized he was confident, persuasive, and fearless. He seemed impossibly skeptical because he was cautious, and he appeared bossy but that was just him being self-asserted.

You couldn't possibly blame a man for being confident when the trait suited him so well. Right now, you had just hoped he was confident enough to let you know how he felt.

Suddenly you shivered. The days had become unbearably warm but the nights were equally unrelenting with the cold.

"It's getting cold."

"Y'wanna call it a night?"

"I'd rather go inside," you shrugged blatantly as if it was not a big deal. It was. Despite how long you had known Joel and how often you were in his company, you had never been beyond this porch, never stepped into the humble residence. You pressed, watching him rather intently: "S'that weird?"

Joel's fingers were intertwined in his lap, thumbs picking at each other. There was a blank yet somehow inquisitive look in his brown eyes and you couldn't tell if it was because his mind was going over what you were offering or because the whiskey had caught up to him.

He let go of his lip with a tsk and shook his head. His gaze softened, and a faint but certain smirk tugged the corner of his mouth. "Not at all."

Joel made the move to stand up and your boot found the ground below with a thud. He grasped the two glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other, then pushed the door handle with his elbow.

Inside the walls were painted a deep orange and it reminded you of curry. Though it was not a nice color, it made the room appear warm and cozy with the lights on. There was a green couch which pretty much made up the living area. A bartop separated the kitchen from the dining room and there was a small mess atop the table where you supposed Ellie had been drawing. It was only then you noticed the art decorating the house, Ellie's drawings displayed in beautiful gold frames like in a museum. It made you chuckle.

"Where's Ellie anyway?"

Joel slouched down on the couch, arms spreading around the back and you looked over just in time to catch him parting his legs, thick thighs smothering the couch cushion, looking oh so big and handsome. What a slut, you thought.

You occupied the space left beside him, pulling your legs up under your body, and thanked him as he handed you your glass. In an effort to test the waters, you let your fingers brush over his knuckles as you accepted the drink, watching him closely. He shifted a bit, but in no way trying to distance himself from you. Your knees rested against his thigh and you could've sworn he only moved his leg closer to you.

"She's with that girl Cora."

"Flemmings?"

"Yeah."

Cora Flemmings was a sweet girl, not the type you would have guessed Ellie would want to hang out with, but you guess that's where your relationship with her ended. You had realized she was quite likable early on, witty and smart, too, but that was about it. She didn't allow a lot of people to get close, and you supposed that was fair all things considered—still, you couldn't help but feel you had let her down. It was stupid, really, but being as close a friend to Joel as you were, it felt like you should know her better.

A shared a couple of more drinks, just lounging on the couch, side by side, your shoulder pressed against his. It was not unusual for Joel to be quiet even when you would go on talking about whatever came to mind, but you noticed he was being more unresponsive than normal. You knew him too well to think he was getting drowsy from the mix of the late hour and the whiskey. His mind was on something else, and again you wanted to pry, but you knew better than to do so.

To your surprise, he let you in: "Can I tell you something?"

It was a stark contrast of serious pondering compared to the mindless rambling of life in outer space, going from negative numbers to a hundred in a split second. You were caught off guard, but tilting to look at Joel instead of the ceiling, you nodded softly.

It was difficult not to notice the tension in his body, sitting close to him and all. Feeling his chest rise with labored breaths, watching his jaw clench and loosen up, only to flex again, you realized something far deeper than extraterrestrials was on his mind.

Nothing could have prepared you for the burden he was about to unload. Joel resumed to tell you how when he had first met Ellie, she had been nothing more than precious cargo to the Fireflies, a girl believed to be immune to Cordyceps. It was his mission to get her to Salt Lake City, but when he and Ellie reached St. Mary’s Hospital, he discovered that the doctors would have to perform a brain operation. It would kill her. Everything that had happened up until that point had been for that specific moment. His bottom lip trembled as he told you he didn't even have to think about it before he grabbed the gun and started shooting. "It was easy," he said as tears welled up in his eyes. After spending months protecting and getting to know Ellie, getting to love her like his own daughter—he wasn't about to not rescue her from yet another certain death. He recalled how they'd had a brief moment before it all, where Ellie admitted she wanted to stay with Joel after the procedure. "Used it as an excuse," he cried silently. "She 'ad no idea she wouldn't come out on the other side."

Your heart sank as it all dawned on you. Everyone involved robbed Ellie of any agency at all.

What seemed to be the worst part for Joel, though, was when he lied to her. Saying she asked him point-blank to tell her the truth of what had happened back there. He spoke through gritted teeth, his gravelly voice clawing its way through his heart in his throat: "Then I told her the fattest lie."

You wanted to jump in, reassure him he did what he thought was right and at least gave her a chance of life. But you couldn't. It was too big a mouthful, too tough to swallow it all at once and give him some not-thought-through assurance.

It was a lot to take in.

You had never doubted Joel would do everything in his power to protect the ones he loved, but this—it was all too visual to get behind. Impeding finding a cure, the rampage through the hospital, the lying. It was easy to see Joel hated every part of what he had done, though he did not regret it. It was horrifying to think, but it didn't not sit right with you.

That's what parents were supposed to be, right?

Protectors.

He might have acted out of his own interest; he might have stripped her of what she believed—what she wanted to be her destiny, but he did it out of love.

You couldn't possibly sit here and say you wouldn't have gone full-on Attica to save the ones you loved. You couldn't possibly tell him you would have done the same either. In more than one way, you were much like Joel, only you hadn't had that kind of bond with anyone in a long time, and so it was impossible for you to understand everything Joel had gone through, everything he still went through.

At this point became quiet, his soft sniffles reduced to staggered breaths. His hands shook in his lap as his fingers fidgeted. You reached across and took his hands in yours, the size difference almost comical in your smaller ones.

"I hate that you went through that, Joel," you began, biting your lip as you contemplated your words. "It was... It might not have been a difficult choice then, but it's no doubt difficult to live with."

You hated to think he had done that, but you could see that he, most of all, was disgusted with himself for lying to her. That would have hurt him more than anything else he had done that day, and it was evident he hated himself for that.

You squeezed his hands between your own, prompting him to look at you.

"You did what you thought was right. You did everything in your power to protect her. You can't possibly be wrong for that."

His eyes dropped and his face contorted, beating himself up. Although his head bobbed in a quiet nod, agreeing with you, your words didn't do much to convince him.

You wanted to cry, loathing the thought that you couldn't convince him he was not a bad man, couldn't help him.

A different approach then.

You were aware that Joel possessed an innate distrust in systems: He had shared with you his experiences with the government back in the day, his experience with the Fireflies, his experience with FEDRA. Nobody had ever worked in his favor.

You were so focused on helping him that you didn't even realize you had reached up to cup his cheek. Stray tears bedewed the upper edge of his stubbles, and you caressed the patch mindlessly with your thumb. You had never been this close.

"Hey," you whispered softly, keeping his despondent brown eyes on you. It broke you but you put on a determined face. "It's okay, you're okay, Joel—you're here. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's okay."

He didn't believe that. Joel's mind was in turmoil, his thoughts turning on him, torturing him.

His eyes squinted, forcing a new wave of tears to flow and you shook him, more harshly than you meant to. "Joel, hey—hey! Look at me, look at me, Joel."

He forced himself to snap out of it, a sharp inhale clawed its way down his throat, forcing his lungs to be filled. The scent of you, the scent of a day's work and macadamia shampoo, calming his senses.

It's okay.

You're okay.

You're safe.

Finally, his labored breaths ceased and he managed to stop trembling. Bringing himself to look at you, you didn't miss the way he gulped, his expression turning soft with the remains of deep lines carving his features.

"Good, you're doing good, Joel," you praised, too close, too deep in it not to brush the fallen strings of dark, matted hair out of his face. "Look whose to say these people had any clue what they were doing? Hell, even if they did manage it—say they produced a cure—what then? How'd they distribute it? How'd they manage to cure the last of us while the Cordyceps is still out there, constantly mutating? I—I mean they might be able to save a couple hundred, maybe thousands—but what's the use? People would get infected along the way, people like us, who are safe here in Jackson, we'd go out there again and risk our lives just to get the vaccine—a-and what for? We've already lost this battle. S'it really worth saving what's left?"

As the tension of your rant died down, you suddenly became very conscious of the way you held onto Joel. Your hands had settled on his shoulders for purchase, and the fleeting thought of how fucking broad they were this up close, made shame crawl your skin.

Dropping your hands, you watched him intently, looking for signs of discomfort, hoping you hadn't gone too far.

Though his expression was difficult to read, your gut told you he was grounded again, and you boldly leaped at the opportunity to provide that last bit of assurance.

You wet your lips and sighed.

"I won't act like I know what is right and what is wrong, but I can't blame you for doing what you believed to be the moral choice. You are not the villain."

Watching as he was deep in thought, a pang of guilt struck you. On more than one occasion, had you accused Joel of being prone to overthinking. From experience, you knew that entailed tossing words around to better fit the negative narrative in one's brain, and now you worried you might have said too much to have been any help at all.

Worriedly, you spoke your mind: "I hope I didn't say too much, make matters worse."

Joel didn't look at you just yet, but he instantly shook his head. "No, no," he muttered, collecting his thoughts. Breathing in was easier now, he noted, the pinching strain in his chest changed for something else. A small chuckle escaped him and he cleared his throat and shifted in the couch to cover it up, as if he didn't mean to let it slip. Turning to you, there was a small glint in his eyes. "Thank you. Really, I… You know, wouldn't 'ave vented to you like that if I expected you to keep your mouth shut. Trust me, you didn't make me feel worse, doll."

Doll. It played on a loop in your mind.

Doll, doll, doll.

"S'good," you mumbled, eyes flickering down his chest. "Cause, you know, really ain't what I was goin' for."

Joel's chest rumbled with a chuckle. There it is again, he mused to himself. That little accent he must have rubbed off on you and that thing in his body tickled his insides again. It had been a long time since he had felt this way, but it was unmistakable.

It dawned on you that you must have been looking at him with the sickly adoration of a girl in love, for when the grin faded it was replaced by—confusion, maybe? Curiosity?

"What?" you blurted, mentally deadpanning for albeit short, it was a sweet moment of quietness and you went ahead and made it weird.

Joel then looked puzzled, his head tilting like a bewildered dog asked if it wanted to go for a walk.

Your heart missed a beat at the look in his eye, another when the brown orbs dropped and lingered on your lips. As if the air had been knocked out of you, you suddenly felt breathless, frozen in place as if struck by fear and you wondered how you could be so stupid. What else could it be—not confusion, not curiosity but the need for knowing; if the same thing that was happening to his heart was happening to yours?

"I-I—" you stammered but were quickly cut off as Joel jumped from the couch as if he had realized he was late for something.

"I, uhh," Joel interrupted though he had no better speech prepared than you had. He scratched the underside of his arm, looking both bashful and hot with embarrassment.

The silence resumed and you stood up as well, trying to figure out what the hell to do with your arms so that you wouldn't look so awkward. "Tell you what, you uh—you go clean up and I'll make a little dinner and we'll eat and I'll get outta your hairs, then." The thought of leaving didn't sound as appealing as you thought it would. Making a fool of yourself, just a second ago, ruining whatever that had been, you would have jumped at the opportunity to hide under the covers, but now—you didn't like that idea one bit. You reminded him—but mostly yourself: "We still got an early morning tomorrow."

Joel frowned, shaking his head. "No, yeah, yeah—you're right, sure."

Without another stumbling attempt at conversation, he spun around and disappeared, feet trotting to the sound of his palpitating heartbeat.

Locking himself in the bathroom, Joel immediately started cursing as he scrabbled about, ending up with his palms firmly pressed against the sink.

Finding his reflection in the mirror, he stared into his own eyes for a minute, collecting his crumbling self. "Get it together."

Stripping out of his clothes, Joel turned the faucet on and stepped into the shower, not bothering to wait for the water to get hot. He needed to cool down, anyway.

He couldn't get the moment out of his head and wondered if he had misread the entire thing. Could it be, that he had merely been so entranced by his own emotions, that he resorted to some simple wish-thinking? Perhaps you realized, coming out of the sympathetic spell, that you cared for him no more than a friend.

Joel scrubbed harder down his body, heedless to the itch that burned around his newly acquired wounds and scratches.

He couldn't get the image out of his head: The way you had looked at him as you clutched his face in your hands, comforting him—it wasn't how friends looked at each other, no matter how much they cared for one another. Joel looked for signs of the same display of affection earlier in the night, and he recalled your banter, your boot teasingly pushing at his leg, and the way you watched him over the rim of the glass.

Stepping out of the shower, he had managed to get his spiraling thoughts under control, sweep them under the carpet, if you will. Drying off, Joel was about to leave the bathroom in nothing but a towel, as one often would in their own home, but reminded himself that you were in his kitchen.

Not wanting to make you uncomfortable, he begrudgingly jumped into a fresh set of clothes, sporting a pair of sweatpants and a tee when he reappeared in the living room.

Joel cursed his own stupidity when he saw you standing there, mindlessly swaying your hips to Y Andale playing in the background (you had found his stereo) as you stirred the pot. He should have put on a pair of briefs to hold the hardening outline of his cock in place.

When you turned around to place the pot on a felt coaster on the dining table, you gave a start as you saw Joel just standing there. He looked devilishly good in the plain outfit, hair damp and slicked back.

You offered him a smirk. “Hope you don’t mind—jus’ couldn’t help myself when I noticed the stereo.”

All the reasons as to why Joel couldn't do a thing about his attraction to you, all the strength he had just mustered in the bathroom to hold himself back; it all went down the drain as he became aware of the vividly domestic setting before him.

You had little time to assess the situation as Joel closed the space between you in just four strides. Before you knew it, one large hand cupped your cheek and another pulled you close by the waist. There was a split second of that something again, and then he pressed his lips to yours.

Your eyes fluttered close and you couldn't stop yourself from leaning into his touch (not that you wanted to). His lips felt dangerously soft and puffy, surprisingly warm and inviting as they passionately touched your own. In a delirious moment, the fresh scent of him veiled you like a pleasant comforter after a long day at work, those plush lips wrapping around yours, nibbling, sucking—all too much and not nearly enough at the same time.

Breaking apart for air, you felt light-headed, like the room was spinning and you were hot with fever.

It looked as if the black of his pupils had swallowed up the brown of his irises. You were weak, thinking you were the root of his lust. Joel breathed your name.

"S'this okay?"

Biting your lip, you blushed. Putting it into words somehow made it seem all the more real. Even if it was a dream, you hoped you would never wake up.

You let out a shaky breath, unable to hold back the small chuckle it turned into. "You don't have to ask, Joel."

He chuckled then, too, realizing it was probably a bit too late for that anyway. The way your teeth let your lower lip go only made his cock grow harder. Holding you closer, firmer against him, Joel sucked in a breath. "F'you let me, I don't think I can stop."

You prayed he could feel your heart beating against his chest, the way you could feel his cock poke your lower stomach.

Searching for his eyes, you nudged your nose against his. "I don't think I ever want you to stop."

He didn't waste another second.

Crashing his lips to yours, the kiss was more heated than the first, showing you exactly how much he wanted you. Swiping his tongue against your lip, you let him in without hesitation, tasting him for the very first time. Tongues dancing and teeth clashing, Joel snaked his arms down your body, lifting you from under your thighs with a grunt.

You were so caught up in finding his soft spots, kissing him gingerly on his neck, that you didn't realize where he was carrying you until you were splayed out on his bed, melting into the mattress.

Eagerly reconnecting your lips, you found yourself having completely forgotten about the soup, relishing the feeling of the open-mouthed kisses Joel pressed to your skin.

Moaning as he nibbled the skin below your ear, you pulled his face back up to yours, wanting to prolong the kiss. He gave in to your desires but trailed his lips down your neck as your fingers entangled with his hair and you began writhing beneath him.

Finding that sweet spot he had only gotten to graze before you pulled him away, he brought his lips close to your ears and whispered: "You gonna let me take care o' you now?"

Too lost in the sensation, the feeling of his warm lips brushing your skin, the press of his body weight against yours, you couldn't do anything but moan, whimpering a small “please”. He could do whatever he wanted with you.

Noting the bliss you were caught in, Joel chuckled, but he was determined on an audible confirmation. Grasping you by the jaw, he forced you back down on earth. "Tell me you want me."

Brows furrowed and hips desperately bucking up, you whined and responded, "please, please, Joel—need you."

Joel had to steady himself against you, feeling his muscles weaken at the sweet, sweet sound of your begging.

"S'a good girl," murmured he, letting his hands roam every curve of your body, every hill, and every cleft. Squeezing your hip, you felt the coarse pads of his fingers caress the skin beneath your top. "Take this off f'me, yeah?"

You quickly got rid of it, not particularly eager to move your hands from his body. Joel laced his fingers through yours, pressing your hands at either side of your head as he eagerly kissed you, his warm tongue darting out of its cave to invite you to dance.

His palm kneaded your breast, a low groan escaping him which you swallowed down, moaning when his coarse thumb swiped across your nipple.

"Can I take these off, baby?" he asked lowly, and you whimpered meekly, bucking your hips up in response.

Joel worked your shorts off of you, and it seemed to get ten degrees hotter in the bedroom. He had left your panties on and as he trailed a path of wet kisses down your body, you groaned pathetically.

"Joel, please," you begged, not sure whether you wanted his fingers or his mouth, his tongue or his cock.

"I know, pretty girl, I know," he hummed, but there was little sympathy in his tone. A wanton sound escaped you when one of his fingers expertly nudged your clit, like he already knew your body like the back of his hand. "Look at you, baby, so pretty and ready f'me."

You had never given it much thought, whether Joel was one for pillow talk, but you certainly didn't mind it. You couldn't even be flustered about the mess you must have made in your panties; not when his eyes were enlivened with adoration and words laced with desire, not when his touch felt so enticing.

Joel pushed your panties aside and ran his fingers through your slick, kissing and nibbling at your inner thigh.

Moaning, a chain of pleas left your lips. Another low chuckle escaped him and you barely managed to pout down at him before his tongue darted out, collecting your arousal in a long, painfully slow lick. Eyes fluttering shut, they rolled to the back of your head while your hands clutched the sheets so hard your knuckles turned white.

"Holy—f-fuck!"

His nose, so perfectly shaped rubbed against your clit and his beard tickled your sex, making you squirm.

Joel used his hands to part your legs further, giving them a squeeze to let you know to keep them in place. His fingers spread your sex and groaned when his thumb played with the bundle of nerves.

As his tongue licked up and down your wet pussy, your legs threatened to close in on him and he must have noticed your struggling because he praised you, murmuring you were doing so good for him. You spread your legs as if on command, determined to be worthy of the praise.

While his thumb circled your clit, a finger prodded against your opening, coating it in your arousal as Joel slipped inside and he grunted. "So damn tight for me, baby girl."

So concentrated on holding your legs in place while he worked you closer to the edge, you involuntarily ground down on his hand, adding to the pressure on your clit, and felt his thick finger spread you so deliciously.

He chuckled, "y'want more, huh?" Adding another finger to the mix, he curled two digits against your spongy walls and you cried out. "I know, I know, baby. You're doing so good, pretty girl, clenchin' down real nice—fuck."

Joel allowed you to feel him as he worked his fingers in and out of your sex at a tauntingly slow rhythm, leaving you to feel the stretch when he was knuckles-deep.

"Fas—fuck! Faster Joel," you moaned, panting as you became increasingly impatient to reach the impending orgasm.

Joel watched you intently, jaw slack, and peppered open-mouthed kisses on your thighs. He picked up the pace, grinding his own hips into the mattress.

"Fuck, baby—that's it, keep makin' those pretty lil' noises for me. Doin' so good," he encouraged, feeling his mouth wet with drool.

"Please—want your cock, Joel," you whined needily.

"I know, I know, baby girl," he sympathized, squeezing your thigh as if to comfort you. It only made you shift beneath him, as his fingers seized pumping, curling against your clenching cunt. He lulled, "you can take a third, right?"

Any answer close to making itself audible was interrupted by his tongue lapping at your clit, adding to the euphoric sensation of three fingers prodding your entrance. A moan got stuck in your throat and your head slammed back down on the pillow, crying at the stretch.

Joel must've sensed your orgasm approaching for he increased the steady thrusting, his movements not once stuttering while his tongue persistently flicked your clit. A wave rushed over you as he coerced the orgasm to be ripped from your writhing body with inaudible praises, letting you ride out your frenzy on his now-soaked face.

Bleary-eyed, hands balling up the sheets, you willed yourself the strength to look down at the sight—and by God, it truly was a sight.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, revealing a smug smirk tugging at the corner of his lip. Your cheeks flushed red, and you pulled him into your neck to hide your embarrassment, as if he hadn't just eaten you out as if his life depended on it.

Joel held your face, eyes mindlessly scanning over your features. "Don't be shy now, baby, tastes goddamn delicious," he hummed with a satisfied lull to his tone, pressing his lips to yours.

"No one's ever done that," you blurted, not entirely sure why you would even admit that.

A frown settled on his face, something resembling disbelief and amusement, and then a strained touch of lust padded over his expression. He was not hesitant to admit that only turned him on all the more. Joel’s ego even told him you had been waiting, saving yourself just for him.

You reached between you to pull down his sweatpants and Joel was happy to let you help him out of his constraints: He had had to stop grinding into the mattress while going to town for fear that he might cream his pants. That would have been embarrassing, busting like some teenager finally getting some action. Though he was touch starved, he would hate to wait any longer—he needed to finally feel you—finally be a part of you.

You had always imagined Joel would have a big cock, but your fantasy scenarios did him no justice—he was long and thick, heavy as his weeping tip pushed against your entrance, and you realized why he had insisted on stretching you out first.

Your sex lives had never been a topic brought up in conversation prior to today, but you could imagine he knew it had been a long damn time. Feeling his cock prod against your sex, you felt thankful for the forethought.

"Fuck," Joel shuddered, sheathing himself in your cunt. His forehead bumped against yours. "So damn tight f'me, baby girl."

You latched your hands onto his shoulders for support, wincing at every inch he filled you with.

Joel hadn't noticed he had been holding his breath before he bottomed out in you, a ragged groan finally releasing itself from his dry throat. He caught your heavy-lidded eyes with a boyish smirk—he could hardly believe this was happening, after so long. "How ya feelin'?"

You let out a breathy chuckle, overwhelmed by the aphrodisiac that was the mixture of his smell and his touch. "Over the fuckin' moon."

The worry vanished, wiping his face clean to replace it with another expression, a search.

You tucked him closer, grasping his ass to feel him better. "Fuck me now."

Cock twitching, saluting your command, and obeying your wish, he pulled back, thrusting his hips forward in a grinding motion that had you gasping for air, eyes rolling back.

Joel pressed sultry kisses to your neck, to your cheek, and to the corner of your mouth. Cupping your face in one palm and holding himself up by his elbow, he forced you to come back to him. "Eyes on me, pretty girl."

There's a spot inside you, one you can't recall ever reaching, but when Joel does you're sure your fingernails dig little crescents into his skin. White hot blurs your vision, a string of wanton moans and curses leaving your lips, panting. "Holy shit."

Your hands roam over the expanse of his chest as his thrusts become harder, more relentless. The sun-kissed skin warms your palms and your foreheads brush, breaths shared.

"Fuck, it's like y'were made for me," he sighed, brows creased in concentration and eyes fixated on where his cock disappeared inside your cunt. The sounds of skin slapping were so fucking vulgar and he's right, you thought, and he was made for you, too.

His rhythm was designed to make you see stars. The coil in your stomach tightened and he must have felt you squeezing around him, for the motions only became harsher, his hips crashing into yours in precise strokes.

Joel's head drooped, nose brushing your temple as he shook his head. "M'not gonna last much longer," he confessed lowly.

Dexterous fingers snaked between your sweat-licked bodies and he rubbed your clit, desperate to feel you come around his cock.

Gasping, holding onto his shoulders as he rocked your body back and forth, you forced his eyes to lock with yours. "Come inside me, Joel," you begged fervently, and you knew it was risky, very fucking risky, in fact, but you couldn't care less—you wanted to feel all of him.

The didn't deter him one bit, however, if anything it spurred him on, the jolts of his hips becoming animalistic. He found purchase on your shoulders, holding you in place so that he could better fuck up into you. His hips began stuttering, sinful groans falling from his dirty mouth. "You want me t'fill you up, yeah? Want everyone to know who you belong to? That's it, baby, come around my cock 'n I'll fill you up real good."

Losing yourself to the mind-wrangling orgasm, your legs spasmed and you cried his name, repeating it like a prayer while he fucked you through yours, chasing his own.

With one, two, three thrusts, he spilled inside you, burying his cock deep in your cunt as his purchase buckled under his weight. You didn't care that he collapsed on you—you had never felt better, never felt more full.

Coming down from your highs, you held him close even when he slumped down against your side, his softening cock slipping out of your sex.

For a few moments, you just lay there, regaining your breath, feeling the reality of it all wash back over you. It felt silly having to summon the courage to face him again, but you couldn't help the blush that colored your cheeks.

Joel spoke first. "Can't believe it took us so damn long," he mused, somewhat dumbfounded with a grimace of disbelief. You melted when his strong arm cradled you closer to his chest.

You nuzzled your face into his neck, sighing quietly along to the rise and fall of his breathing. Yawning, you drowsily mumbled, "I don't ever wanna leave your side, Joel."

Joel pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead, holding you close as he felt sleep closing in on him. "You won't, sweetheart. I won't let you." Your heart was racing but sleep managed to pull you under its grasp. Joel relished the languid hum you offered in response, and he brushed the hair from your face, kissing you one last time. He could barely wait to wake up with you in the morning. "Sweet dreams, pretty girl."

[the-marvelclub]

While you were sleeping

bucky barnes x reader

Summary: Reader is in love with the mysterious man who goes every week to the bar where she works. When one night she witnesses a fight that leaves the man in a coma and he´s taken to the hospital, she is mistaken for his fiancée, unaware that the mysterious man is Steve Rogers himself. With no family and after losing everything in The Blip, reader becomes captivated with Steve's friends and their unconditional love for her that she can't bring herself to tell the truth. Things get complicated when she finds herself falling for Steve's best friend, Bucky.

Author’s note: This is my first time writing for Bucky and I'm planning to make it a series. Loosely based on the 1995 movie "While You Were Sleeping". English is not my first language. Feedback is always appreciated.

If someone had asked you a couple of years ago if you believed in love at first sight you probably would’ve laughed in their face, the whole concept seemed to belong only in the white pages of a book or in the bright screen of a tv, but not in real life, real life was more complicated than that. The idea of giving your heart away to someone you just met was ridiculous.

But that was before.

Now you were completely sure that you belonged to him, that you had belonged to him from the moment he walked through the doors of the small and almost empty bar where you worked.

It was the way he carried himself, hands in his pockets as he made his way to the front bar, the way he wore that ridiculous baseball cap that hide his dirty blond hair, the way he had run his fingers through that full beard when he ordered a drink and how he had closed his eyes shut placing a hand on his chest laughing when Joe, the bartender and owner of the bar, told him a joke. You'd be lying if you said you didn't spend most of your time daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss him, hold his hand or even start a life with him. Well, I guess Joe was right, you needed a new hobby. His routine was always the same; Monday night, when the bar was almost empty, Steven would arrived and go straight to the front bar, order a couple of beers and exchange a couple of jokes with Joe. One hour later he would pay and then leave. Although you hadn’t spoken to him, you couldn't help but admire him from afar, happy just to see him once again.  

“Earth to y/n" Jimmy, your co-worker and next-door neighbor spoke, waving his hand repeatedly in front of your face forcing you out of your thoughts that always seemed to revolve around Steven and how much you wished the weekend would end so you could see him again. "Busy thinking about me?" You saw him giving you a crooked smile in the dim light and running his eyes up and down your entire body in a not so subtle way.  

“You got me" You sighed standing up straight, cleaning the table in front of you. Since the first day you started working there, he had taken a certain interest in you, always making flirtly comments and asking you to dates despite making it very clear you would never go out with him.

“I'm going to bed" he let out as he put on his denim jacket, little drops of sweat covering his chubby cheeks and making his curly black hair stick to his skin. "You are more than welcome to join me." He said winking at you and you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes at him, shaking your head in desapproval as you wave goodbye. 

The clock in front of you read 2:43 a.m. as you let out a yawn and rub your eyes from exhaustion watching the only clients left in the bar. Working as a waitress in a small bar wasn't your dream job but it paid the bills. Besides, Joe had taken you in and allowed you to stay in the small apartment above the bar for a reasonable price, which helped you a lot.

Things after the Blip hadn't been the same, one day you were in the kitchen of your beautiful apartment making dinner and the next thing you knew, you woke up on the cold hard kitchen floor with the most horrible headache. Strangers, who seemed to be living in your apartment now, giving you shocked looks. In a matter of seconds, 5 years had passed and everything you once knew had disappeared; your home, your job, your family. You shook your head pushing those thoughts away not wanting to think about it at that moment. Turning to look at the couple when they ask you for the check, you smiled, thinking about how in a few more minutes you would be curled up in your soft and warm bed. You really had to talk to Joe about switching to the morning shift. 

You cleaned the table once the couple had left and turned off the lights making sure the doors were securely closed. Grabbing the garbage bags you made your way to the back door and into the back alley of the bar to throw them away. The cold wind brushed against your skin making you shiver, the old streetlight which kept flickering was the only thing that separated you from the darkness of the night.

The dead silence that lately seemed to fill the city was interrupted by a sudden loud crash that startled you making you drop the garbage bags, turning around you saw a man lying on the ground trying to get up, where the hell had he come from?

You gasped.

It was Steven. Your Steven. Only this time his pretty face was covered in small cuts and blood was coming out of his nose dripping into his white shirt, the shock written all over his face when his eyes set on you made you froze. In a blink of an eye, he had lunged at you and pulled you behind the big metal trash container before the deafening sound of guns being fired and bullets passed by the two of you.

"Are you okay?" he shouted over the noise when you let out a scream and hold onto him, his worried eyes searching your face making sure you were okay. It was the first time he had ever spoken to you and you couldn’t breath, the words got caught in your throat, refusing to come out. You haven’t been this closed to him before. He seemed rather familiar. "Stay here, don't move" he ordered you when you didn’t say a word and then run into the alley again.

Your stomach shot up to your throat when you took a quick look to see what was happening; Steven was fighting with a man who were dressed in black, two more were lying unconscious in the floor, his cold and calculating look told you that he wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. The smell of sweat and blood filled the air and fear ran through your body as you watched the man take the gun and point it at him, everything after that moved in slow motion; in one quick movement, Steven had snatched the gun from the man’s hands and threw it away as he connected his fist with his face. Blood splattered on the ground. You didn't know he could fight like that, his movements were fast and precise, as if he had been training for that moment his whole life. He smashed his knee against the man’s face and without giving him time to recover from the blow, he attacked him again, his fists reaching his already bloodied face again and again making him fall to the cement with a thud, totally unconscious. That's when a bright white light appeared, illuminating everything, a fourth man that you haven't seen before was leaning against the brick wall near Steven, he didn't look bigger than the man lying unconscious on the cement next to him but an uneasy feeling invaded you, he wasn't trying to fight Steven, in fact he hadn't tried to attack him, no, he was studying him, he was studying every move he made, that's why when Steven attacked him, he quickly dodged his blows and with a quick movement he placed both hands on his head, the white light no longer illuminated the alley but small flashes of light seemed to want to escape from in between his fingers, you didn't know what was happening but when you heard Steven howl of pain and fall to the ground on his knees you knew that he was hurting him.

You didn't know what came over you but the next thing you knew is that you grabbed a metal pipe that was lying next to you and ran towards that man, catching him off guard and hit him in the back of the head, making him dropped to the floor. You quickly turned around searching for Steven, that’s when you saw him, he was on his knees on the pavement, his back was turned from you, he stay there for a couple of seconds not moving before fallen to the ground just like the other guys. You ran to him immediately, dropping to your knees, ignoring the pain that shot up all over your legs as you did.

“No, no, no, are you okay? Talk to me" you whispered desperately as you brought your ear to his chest trying to see if his heart was still beating.  "Come on Steven, you have to wake up" you pleaded shaking him but his eyes remained closed.  With shaky hands you grabbed your phone from your pocket and diall 911.

He was not waking up.

——

"W-where are you taking him?" you asked the doctor once you finally caught sight of Steven, everything was moving so fast in the hospital, they were carrying a very unconscious Steven on the gurney and everyone was shouting instructions. You frowned as they look between Steven and you, curiosity and what it seems like confusion written all over their faces. What was going on?

The gray-haired doctor immediately turned around, finally noticing your presence when they led Steven through some doors and you tried to follow him. "Oh, you can’t go in there" he said quickly raising a hand, stopping you from entering those doors.

"No, you don't understand. I was with-"

"Are you family?" he cut you off, his gaze full of exasperation.

"No," you muttered. You just wanted to know if he was going to be okay. "But I was-"

"You can't go in. Family only." He interrupted you again "Wait in there" he said coldly pointing to the small waiting room.

You sighed in defeat knowing that there was nothing you could do now, you followed Steven with your eyes until you saw him disappear through the white doors.

“But I was going to marry him" you murmured to yourself, hating the fact that this was the first time he had ever spoken to you and now it was very likely that you would never get the chance to talk to him or see his handsome face anymore, hell you didn't even know if he was going to be okay, or if you would ever see him alive again.

You bit your nails feeling nervous as you waited in the waiting room. It had been 2 hours and you knew that they had already contacted his family and that you should probably leave but you couldn't help but stay to see if you heard at least something that would tell you that he had woken up. That he was okay.

"Hello, sweetheart" you looked up as you heard the nurse's voice standing in front of you with sympathetic eyes. "You're y/n, right?" You noded. "Come with me". Without saying a word you followed her, noticing that she was taking you to the intensive care area. "I'll give you a few minutes" she smiled stopping in front of a door and indicating for you to go in.

Steven was lying on the white hospital bed, machines connected to his still unconscious body, a sigh of relief left your body as the small sound that filled the room indicated that his heart was still beating. "Is he here? What the hell happened?" You heard a voice say before other voices chimed in and everyone started talking at the same time, commotion filling the hallway outside the room. You stuck your head out the window trying to see what was going on outside and your face lost its color. The Avengers were in the hallway along with the same doctor you had talked to hours ago and they were heading to the room. What the hell was going on? You slowly made your way to the wall as far from the door as you could when the group of superheroes enter the room, all their attention fixed on Steven, oblivious to the fact that you were in the room. You frowned at how weird the situation was and then you darted your eyes to Steven. Realization washing all over you.

You take in a sharp breath.

How had you not noticed before?  Blond hair, blue eyes, the only thing different about him was his beard which made him look very different from that golden boy that America loved. Steven... Steve. Steve Rogers. The Steve who used to be Captain America. You put your hand to your mouth in disbelief as to why you hadn't recognized him much earlier.

"What is going on?" You heard Sam Wilson ask, you remember hearing about him on the news although lately you didn’t pay much attention to what was happening, always too focus on your job or in attending the meetings of your support group.

"He's in a coma" the doctor began to explain and you took a breath "What they told me is that they found him in an alley unconscious, apparently there was a fight. We don't know much yet". You opened your mouth to tell them that you knew what had happened but the doctor spoke again "We don't know what caused this state, his vital signals are strong as well as his brain waves. He's a super soldier so i'm pretty sure he's going to be just fine". You sighed in relief as you listened to him.

"Thank you doctor, but we'll take it from here. We already have everything ready to transport him to the Avengers Compound." One of them talked and at that moment the policeman who had take your statement when you had called 911 hours ago walked through the door, his eyes fixed on you, the nurse who had let you into the unit behind him.

"I've been looking all over the hospital for you, I need to ask you a few more questions" he addressed you, making everyone in the room turn to look at you for the first time. You froze, your heart starting to pound as all eyes focused on you.

"Who's she?" The woman with short blonde hair spoke. You opened your mouth to answer when the nurse spoke for you.

"She's his fiancé."

Wait, what?

"She's Y/n and she's going to marry him" She spoke again throwing you a smile.

You shook your head repeatedly, your mouth opening and closing but no words came out, why had she said that? Commotion filled the room once again preventing you from speaking.

"Better yet, she save his life" commented the policeman smiling.

The whole room fell silent.

"I thought it was a fight," one of them said, confusion on his face.

"She fought the other guy, Steve was too weak to keep fighting, without her, he might not have survived".

They all stared at you once again, surprise written all over their faces. Before you could say anything else, the blonde haired girl, who you knew was known as Black Widow, walked up to you and wrapped her arms around you, making you freeze, squeezing you tightly before pulling away, only then you were able to see the tears that run through her face, she looked relieved but there was still worry in her eyes,  she wiped away the tears quickly before speaking. "I'm sorry, it's just that we hadn't seen or talked to him in over 2 years, we didn't even know he was here in Brooklyn, after everything that happened -" you could tell her voice cracked and she shook her head before continuing "We thought we'd never see him again. But I'm glad he found you and that you're taking care of him.” She whispered, a smile dancing on her lips. “Thank you for bringing him back to us, I can’t wait to hear all about you”.

No, no, no.

"Oh, and by the way, welcome to the family".

[macgyvermedical]

My Experience in Inpatient Psych

So I know a lot of people on here have talked about their experience in inpatient psych facilities, but I'd like to add mine just to give all you writers out there a writer-focused one. It's below the cut just in case you have to sit this one out for your own reasons.

To give you some background, I am 30 years old and have had hallucinations since about 16 and bizarre intrusive thoughts (someone living in my house that wasn't supposed to be there, somebody poisoned my walls, etc...) for about a decade, as well as very severe anxiety since I was about 3 years old. This is something not a lot of people know about me, even people I am friends with IRL.

The only thing I am actually diagnosed with is anxiety, which I'm starting to think is a failing of the psych systems I have been a part of. I have had counseling off and on and prior to this hospitalization I took escitalopram, aripiprazole, and gabapentin prescribed by my primary care doctor- all for the severe anxiety.

Quite frankly, I should have been in inpatient psych at least a few times before this, and it's by sheer dumb luck that I've survived to continue this blog.

On Friday, I was at home alone and made a few pretty bad decisions. I wont say what they were because frankly they're embarrassing, but they have to do with self-harm. I was scheduled to work Saturday and at about 9pm I realized that if I drove myself to work I would crash my car. Since my wife drives me sometimes, I figured I would just ask her to.

I told my wife and she asked- even if she drove me to work, since I was a nurse, would I be able to keep myself safe around insulin or other potentially dangerous drugs? I couldn't answer that question. We talked for a couple hours and came to the conclusion that I probably needed to go to the emergency department.

At this point I figured they would evaluate me and release me because I couldn't possibly meet the criteria for inpatient. I was wrong in this assumption. After telling them the decisions I had made that day, the feelings of wanting to die in a car crash, plus about a previous attempt, they recommended inpatient. Turns out, when you're a nurse, you can make some really bad life choices with the knowledge you have, and they didn't want to take any chances.

I was given paper scrubs to wear (so I couldn't hurt myself with my clothing or a hospital gown). I was also given a patient companion (someone who sits in the room and makes sure you don't hurt yourself).

They gave me the option of signing myself in voluntarily, or putting me on a writ of detention. A writ of detention is a piece of paperwork that allows a medical professional or law enforcement officer to hold someone for 3 days in a psychiatric facility against the person's will for the purposes of psychiatric treatment. Whether you sign the voluntary or get placed on a writ, you cannot sign yourself out. You need to wait until the psychiatrist taking care of you thinks you're ready to go.

I didn't believe at this point I needed to go inpatient, but I took the voluntary option because there are some perks, like being able to leave within 3 days if appropriate. At this point I was convinced I was probably going to have to call off work Saturday and Sunday, probably be out of the hospital Monday, have a few days to rest and be back at work on my next scheduled shift after that, which was Thursday.

Well, that's not what happened.

Because of some of the decisions I had made, along with bed availability, they wanted to keep me in the observation unit overnight before they sent me to psych. I stayed overnight in a unit that shares staff with the unit I work on, so I was taken care of by my coworkers. This was surprisingly not that bad. I like my coworkers and they were really professional about it.

Saturday I felt like I was in a fog all day. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't color or write. I worked out some in my hospital room and paced the halls once or twice. Mostly I hung out with my wife and occasionally talked with my companion, but even talking was difficult. I had refused ativan because I felt like I had no hope of finding a medication that made me feel better, and I figured I didn't want to take the one medication that might actually work and then not be able to get it ever again.

Around 7PM I took a 45 minute ambulance ride to the facility. Getting my blood pressure taken is a big anxiety trigger for me, but my brain felt so scrambled that I couldn't express this well. They took it every 10 minutes on the ride there and by the time I got there it was in the 170s/100s (BP goes up when you're having severe anxiety). This was not their fault of course, but no matter how much I thought about telling them or refusing the BPs, I just couldn't do it.

When I got to the facility I was greeted by a tech who took my BP again (150s/90s this time), showed me around and looked through my personal belongings (basically just the clothing I came in with since my wife took my phone and wallet knowing I wouldn't be able to have them on the unit) to make sure I didn't have anything I wasn't allowed to on the unit. She showed me around my room and was really thorough with telling me how things worked, what the rules were, etc..

The rules included:

No patients allowed in other patients rooms

No personal belongings that had strings, belts, or laces, or that could be used as a weapon

No caffeine after lunch and no free access to caffeine

No personal electronics (including eReaders and watches). There was a TV in the day room and 2 phones mounted to the wall for patient use

A little later my nurse came into my room and asked me a ton of questions. Here's the thing about any hospital- you get asked the same questions over and over. By the time I'd gotten there I could give my story in under a minute. Or at least, that's what it felt like. There were only 2 clocks on the unit, at the nurses stations.

The unit itself was laid out in a "T" shape. There was a main nurse's station at the place where the two hallways intersected. At the end of the long hallway there was another smaller nurses station, a cafeteria/day room, and a "comfort room" which was a small room off the day room that had a collection of the oldest and worst donated books that have every come together on a bookshelf.

I did some pacing that night and then went to bed, but didn't sleep particularly well.

On Sunday morning the tech woke me up to take my blood pressure, which was, not unsurprisingly, still high. It was about 5 AM so I got up and paced the longer of the corridors for about an hour. Breakfast was served at 8 and the food wasn't that bad. The coffee was about the worst I'd ever drank, which I suppose helped with the no caffeine goals.

Just after breakfast I met with a psychiatrist on an iPad for about half a minute, and I'm not exaggerating there. The only questions he asked were whether I was suicidal and whether I would be fine with tripling my dose of aripiprazole in light of the hallucinations. I had had a 50-lb weight gain in the last year so I asked to switch my med. He switched the med to cariprazine. That was all.

I had a much longer meeting with my nurse later. All the nurses did an excellent job of assessing me, asked tons of questions, and it seemed like they really tried to figure out what was going on. That day I also met with a social worker, and a therapist, and a nurse practitioner. Each of them did an assessment to see what my needs were while I was there.

There was also a music therapy session where I cried my eyes out to Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.

I was really tired by the end of the day but I also didn't think I could sleep so I asked for trazodone. I should clarify that when I say "I" in this piece I really mean my wife convinced me to ask because I legitimately didn't believe I needed or deserved any of the things I asked for at this point. To my utter shock and surprise, they gave me the trazodone.

My first night on trazodone was amazing and I realized I hadn't slept well in a long time. With trazodone I fell asleep and stayed asleep until the blood pressure cart came rolling down the hallway at 5am. The second I got up on Monday morning I was wide awake.

I paced a lot Monday. I went to a goals session in the morning where I gave a goal to write 3/4 of a page. I didn't know if I could do it or what I was even going to write about, but I know I like to write and it might be a reasonable introduction to getting back to life.

I also was having kind of a rough day brain-wise. My brain was coming up with all the ways I could hurt myself in my room. There weren't a lot of them, but it was trying. I told the nurse during her assessment and she asked if I felt I could keep myself safe. I asked her what she would do if I said no. She said they could move me to a more secure part of the unit and give me more supervision. I knew what part of the unit she was talking about, and I didn't want to go there (no space to pace, and pacing was keeping me alive right then). So I told her I could keep myself safe (if anything, the idea of moving was good motivation to do stay safe in itself). I hallucinated some black and white blood cells falling from the ceiling and music coming out of my vents.

I also had another meeting with the social worker to figure out discharge plans. I voiced in the meeting that I wasn't sure that I could trust my wife, since it felt like at the time she was the one who exaggerated my symptoms to get me in here. The social worker said we had really good communication skills, since this was something I felt needed to be said in front of both of them and we both stayed really calm through the whole thing.

I finished the day with an art therapy session that really helped me turn a corner. The prompt was to draw the emotion(s) you felt right now on one side of the paper, and to draw the emotions you wished you could feel on the other side. For the first time I realized that my emotional state was actually really bad and that the suicidality hadn't come out of nowhere, and that I needed help.

When my wife came to visit later that night I was able to tell her about my breakthrough, even though I still felt a little bit like she had done something to get me in here and I still wasn't sure I needed to be inpatient.

Tuesday was a lot better. I felt like I had woken up out of some kind of fog and I had no idea how long I'd been in it. I went to goals group, a spiritual group, and group occupational therapy. My goal was to be more social and I made a friend and we paced together and worked out. I read a quarter of The Martian by Andy Weir (my wife brought it for me because the best thing on the bookshelf was Louis L'Amour). I wrote about how good I suddenly felt. Turns out, I thought, a few days of good sleep, lots of therapy, and a new medication or two will really change things.

A quick side note about The Martian. I highly recommend it to anyone who is chilling in a psych hospital but has the ability to read while they're there (I sure didn't the first few days). I don't really know why, but the first few times I read it, I felt like they had created this superhuman character in Mark Watney just so they could throw a ton of wild things at him for the story. This time reading it, as a suddenly not suicidal person, I realized anyone with Mark's skill would have done the same thing and not just died on Sol 7 to get it over with.

Wednesday I woke up not feeling nearly as good as Tuesday, but still like the fog had lifted. I was a little disappointed (I hallucinated my cat (thanks for coming to visit me, Corina), some spiders, and just felt kinda meh. But I remembered how good I felt the day before, and that really kept me hopeful about going home.

I saw the psychiatrist again and asked to go home. He joked a little about me staying till Christmas, but ultimately he said as soon as his note was in I could go. I ended up leaving at about 12:30 with my wife.

In the time since leaving I have required a lot of support from my wife. The medications are all locked up, so are the blades and anything I could use to hurt myself. My wife has me in eyeshot at all times. I can't drive due to intrusive thoughts, so she does all the driving now. I quit my job because I feel like it was a big part of why I ended up as bad as I was. As someone who has been a pretty independent person this is a big change of pace, but something that is really necessary to my healing.

Ultimately at the end of my hospital stay, I was prescribed escitalopram, gabapentin, trazodone, cariprazine, and then a few days later propranolol. I'm currently on a total of 5 psych meds and honestly I don't care one bit because its so much better than being not on them at this point in my life.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Rumortracking Anon, here’s my take vis a vis Hazno(fill-in-the-blank) on the broad timeline of BP’s announcement that KCIII has cancer. We were told that cancer was discovered during KCIII’s benign prostate surgery, and that it was “in a different part” of his body. It’s quite common for undiagnosed malignancies to be discovered in this way (a good thing). It could be in another part of the genitourinary system (eg, the bladder), was detected via scope through that organ system, and biopsied. It could be hematological and have been detected via bloodwork. We just don’t know. However, as with all suspected cancers, it would have to be confirmed by pathology testing, which usually takes 7-10 days, depending on which tests are required. 

IMHO, KCIII and Camilla were informed of the potential cancer immediately after the prostate surgery was completed, and then William and Anne (at least) were informed soon thereafter. They all still had to wait for over a week for pathological confirmation, during which time they kept it 100% private. Once they had confirmation, and a treatment plan/schedule was finalized, only then did BP make an official public announcement - necessary because KCIII would be immunocompromised from treatment (whether chemotherapy, radiation, or immunotherapy) and would have to cancel public appearances.

They waited to tell H in California until just a few minutes before BP released the public announcement. That way, he (ie, Meghan) had zero time to leak the news to Scooby Doo the press. In other words, H found out 7-10 days AFTER KCIII, Camilla, William, and Anne (and others as well) knew. Even on the very slight chance that H/MM wouldn’t have leaked (as if lol), H still would’ve hopped on a plane to London pronto, alerting the press anyway that something was amiss.

Harry truly has been PNG’d by the BRF. He’s out of the royal loop, totally ostracized. Never again will they be able to trust him - with anything - and he did it completely to himself. No family secrets, no intimate family holidays, no impromptu meetings with KCIII or William, they don’t even trust him to stay overnight at a royal residence anymore…“go to a hotel, Harold.” Where’s Shakespeare when one needs him? Imagine the play (a history? a tragedy? a comedy? all three?) he could write of this royal saga! It would have to be in 3-15 parts, though.

***

All of this tracks and makes sense to me. I do agree that Harry was called at the last possible moment. Another anon and I were discussing earlier tonight the speculation that Meghan was leaking to Scobie/other reporters about the Queen’s illness and her death before the family was ready, and the family was later made fully aware. So in that case, it is completely believable that the BRF waited until just before the news dropped to avoid the same scenario. Could you imagine the panic that would have been if someone other than the official BP spokesperson announced the King had cancer? I mean, there was plenty of panic when it was under BP’s control.

And you’ve just reminded me of something - Charles ended up stayiing an extra day at the hospital. I think he was originally meant to leave Saturday/Sunday, but instead he left on Monday. At the time, I had thought Charles delayed his departure so as to distract the gathered media so Kate could leave unnoticed. Now, however, I wonder if the extra day was so his doctors and care team could do some additional testing.

And really, who needs Shakespeare when South Park is available? 🤣🤣

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday wonderful fandom :) I can’t believe we’ve reached the finale I’m in shock we're here. This has been my side hobby for 9 plus months. I started these to get through the extended hiatus. I wasn’t even sure anyone would even read them. The response I got was so lovely. I adore this fandom. So welcoming to any new Chenford content.

So thank you to everyone who’s read these especially those who've been with me since the very beginning. I can’t explain how much it has meant to me. Whether it was likes, reblogs or comments. Special shout out to my tumblr bestie @makeitastrength and @northern-neighbor You both commented on every single one of these. Thank you so much for your insight and sticking with me this entire time. Means more than you'll ever know.

I’m planning to do mini reviews during this new season. Then this same kind of thing during our hiatus hopefully we’ll have S7 locked in by then. *fingers crossed* I finished this before S6 which was my goal. We are only 8 days away which is unreal. Eeeee. Let us get started.

5x22 Under Siege

This episode starts off with all kinds of anxiety. Aaron and Celina kill me with not calling the noise in WHY.... Why didn’t you call it in? Ugh. Celina lying on top of Aaron protecting him till they arrive. Rip my damn heart out right off the bat why don't ya? I’m going to cry. I love Tim and Lucy showing up to the scene together. They’re clearly off shift and showing up to the scene with each other. I love these little details they make my heart so happy.

They’re a packaged deal now and I couldn’t be happier about it. Also like to note looks like Lucy is wearing one of his jackets. Maybe they were at his place when they got the call? The sleeves look long on her and I adore it. Basically living together at this point. I can’t get over it. Just casually showing up to scenes now. Ain’t no thang. This thought is where I live till S6 LOL

Anyways Tim says he heard it was Aaron. Grey confirms this is true. GSW to the back. Looks like the same spot Jackson was shot. Eerily so. Three masked men and they were ambushed. The painful parallels to Jackson’s death in this one getting me in the feels. Grey has them start to work the scene. Lucy looks incredibly upset but is trying to keep it in check. Probably feeling the Jackson vibes too.

Our couple arrives at the hospital with an update. Once again arriving together. I love the quick looks we get as they approach. That silent communication of their's ever present. Also she is wearing the necklace I must comment. It’s popping against that shirt she is wearing. Like to also point out how look at each other while the other speaks. It’s the little things I love so very much. Getting massive 4x01 vibes from this scene too. Reminding me of the scene is Wes's living room night after the hug. The height difference, the way Lucy is looking at Tim as he speaks. United front power couple vibes.

So much can change and things like this stay the same I love it. They’re reporting back their CI’s have nothing. No one has heard back about a gang targeting cops. Lucy has also hit a dead end with the masks. Their next idea was Elijah but Tim says nothing out of prison confirming that. Angela and Wes are working on the riddle. Grey tells them to head home they’re not getting anywhere tonight. Once they've all left Grey turning to Luna saying he can lose another. Ugh getting me in the feels so early in this episode. More Jackson feels.

Lucy and Tim get home late. The minute they’re back Lucy’s walls are down. Tim can see how upset she is. Another great callback to 4x01. To that hug. Only this time Lucy doesn’t have to ask for it. Tim seeks her out. See’s how now that they're home her work walls are down. She is visibly wrecked and can't hold back the tears any longer. I love how he pulls her right into his arms. Being the exact comfort she needs in this moment. He can't stand to see her upset. Wanting to make it better.

Tim grabbing her instantly is so lovely. Lucy crashes into him and falls apart. He gets to comfort as much as she needs now. How very far we’ve come. It’s been a beautiful journey to this point. Lucy is ready to fall apart in her safe place. Knowing Tim will be there pick up the pieces. Shield her from the PTSD this must be bringing up for her. I love how he encases her fully. One hand around her back the other gently cradling her head to his chest.

Tim closing his eyes wanting to absorb her sadness. The swaying and his chin on top of her head. *squee* I love her being fully enclosed in his arms. Also never be over the fact Eric improvised the kiss to her head. Forever squeeing about that fact. Our ship King is the best. Oh captain my captain. How damn intimate and sweet it is as he does as such. Then resting his head back on hers. Telling her ‘It’s ok.’ His hand in her hair rubbing her back soothingly. I cannot. Lucy was alone last time. Grieved alone and dealt with everything solo.

Now she never has to be alone again and I wanna cry at that thought. Getting emotional at how beautiful this hug is. Lovely ray of sunshine in a rather dark finale. I love this scene so much it made my chest hurt. You want to see outstanding chemistry in a short amount of time? Watch this scene. Melissa and Eric are glorious together. We truly are so lucky to have them as our ship. This is such a soft and gentle moment.

Tim pulling her in and wanting to comfort her has me all in my feels. Lucy has this wonderful man to catch her when she falls now. To be able to absolutely come apart in his arms. Knowing he’ll be there to comfort and keep her together when she does. Gah I love them so much. Also A + to whoever does the music. The song in this moment is adding to the emotional depth of the scene. Amazingly good. It’s been so on point in this season. They need a raise whoever does this.

They finally have some suspects to track down. Violent felons that have connection to the station and to them as a group. Lucy offers to check on one by herself. Grey says no and Tim offers to go with her. Because he loves her and wants to keep her in his sights. They’ve all been attacked at this point. Except for him and Lucy. No way he’s letting her go solo. It’s not cause he didn’t trust her to handle herself. He can’t handle her going alone. His instincts on high alert.

Lucy telling Tim he should be out knocking down doors with Metro. Tim tells her 'He’s good'. As good as he can be without letting her out of his sights during this. Only they could so effortlessly flirt while on duty. In the middle of an intense OP. Lucy letting him know she doesn’t need him to protect her. Tim is very aware of this. Says he knows. Lucy turning this moment into some very cute light banter. Saying he is telling her he needs the protecting. Tim being sassy right back with his reply above. God I love them.

Their teasing and banter is iconic. Lucy’s next line is fantastic. I know we haven’t had an official ILY you yet. But they’ve said it so many different ways this season. In moments such as this. When we do officially get it not gonna be a shock to either of them. Tim telling her 'Back at you.' Making me all emotional. They are such a power couple and the next portion of this episode proves that. I’ve always said watching them in the field is poetry in motion. This next battle scene is literal proof of such.

It’s a good thing Tim came with her. I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if she’d been alone. The creepy crowd coming at them. My stomach dropped. First Tim willing to sacrifice himself for her so she could get away. *heart clutch* Man would die for her and not even blink in the decision making process. Lucy of course will not allow this whatsoever. Valiant or not he’s not falling on his sword for her.

We get a nice call back to 1x18. Not only with Lucy saying they need to go to higher ground. Like he taught her in that ep but to show no mercy. Tim instructing they hurt as many as they can and then retreat upstairs. Lucy getting exactly what he’s saying because they’re simpatico. This entire scene shows that. Also LOVE Lucy saying they only stand a chance TOGETHER. Theme of this season right here. They're better together. Damn right.

What a bad ass battle couple we have. Look at this scene. Lucy calling the audibles in this moment and Tim following her play. Repeating it back and saying 'Copy that.' Gah I love this so very much. Tim trusts her gut without question. Not a doubt in his mind to go with it. The amount of respect he has for her in the field is immense. He was going to stay behind she said no. Then Tim instantly followed her lead after that.

Damnit I love them so much. Tim’s instinct is to always protect Lucy. Where her's is to protect them both in this moment. It’s never because he thinks she can’t handle it. Tim just can’t handle the idea of losing her if he doesn’t. Started from the bottom now we're here and I’m emotional. Also the song once again killer during this epic scene.

Love her touching his arm before they engage in battle in that first one. Look at them in the final two above. I know Eric said they had a blast filming this. They are so damn in-sync. It's such an amazing thing to watch them take these people on. Like I've sad many times before poetry in motion when they're in the field. I love getting to watch the well oiled machine that is them. This was that on steroids ha

Eric was so excited for us to watch this scene and I can see why. It so fun to watch. Taking these guys apart together one at a time. I LOVE Lucy taking that guy out and then grabbing his riot shield. Tim is starting to get overwhelmed and she makes work of what's around her. Running towards Tim getting that guy off her man. With a very impressive shove might I add. Sends him flying down the stairs with the others. They have to start retreating up the stairs after this. They are slowly running out of ammo as well. Backup has yet to arrive and they're battling the best they can to stay alive till it does.

Harper and Nolan finally arrive on scene. Nyla tells John to get to them. She is going to get her sniper rifle even the odds a bit. Unfortunately even with higher ground they’re getting ambushed from all sides now. It's now all melee combat at this point without ammo. Tim takes a guy out with pepper spray and gets a guy off his girl.

Who is literally choking the life out of her. Tim dispatches this guy with any remaining rage he has left. Smashing this guy's face into the wall. Making sure he can't get up to get back to her. All the while Harper being a bad ass snipping people left and right for Tim. This scene is epic af. I love it so much. One of my all time field scenes for sure. They did a damn good job with this holy cow.

Then we get an other beautiful parallel from 1x01 to now. When Lucy pulled Tim to safety mid battle. We get to see Tim do the same for her. The way Tim scoops Lucy up and carries her to safety. I’m not crying you are.... Power couple since day one they just didn’t know it yet. The way he picks her up and then shields her with his body. Gah it’s so good.

When the door opens Tim is worried it’s another bad guy. He shields Lucy with his body. Ready to take a hit to keep her protected. Not willing to let them get at her again. I’m sobbing everyone. The instinct to always protect one another. I’m drowning in feels over here in the best way. Nolan ushers them to safety. Never been happier to see John Nolan in my life LOL

They make it to the stairway battered and bruised. Gasping for air as they try to recover from what just happened. Let’s look at the no space between them when they land on the stairs. Tim reaching out for her instantly. Placing his hand on her thigh checking on her. TWICE might I add. He touches her twice there. While checking around to make sure they’re truly safe. Lucy reaches out for his hand on the first touch. Also their heads touching as well in that first gif. Gah this mini moment has so much to it.

Tim is grounding himself in this moment through those touches. Making sure Lucy is breathing and he can stand down to catch his own breath. Such an intimate moment after an incredibly intense battle. He almost lost her so he is reaching out and making sure she’s ok. He also needs to touch her to settle himself. It was to tell her we’re ok now’s and to confirm to himself she was as well. Damnit it's so good. Don't tell me one of Tim’s biggest love languages isn’t physical touch. It for sure is.

Our last shot of the season for them. Just a BAMF couple post battle. Height difference that I love so much. The check in’s they do walking away knowing this could've been so much worse. Battle worn and bruised. These shots always hit harder knowing they’re together. I would like to think they would fuss over each other's wounds at the hospital. Or at home. We shall see what S6 brings for that if anything regarding it. If not sure someone will write a fic. LOL

The lack of personal space as they walk from the scene always floors me. As close they can possibly be at the moment. Sure Tim is thanking his lucky stars he came with her. I don’t wanna imagine what would’ve happened had he not. Or what Tim would’ve done had something happened. They looks so exhausted they’ve earned a good snuggle and some alone time. Sadly they're still in the middle of case so that's a no go.

Look at our power couple everyone. They're ours. We get to have them. And have a season to look forward to. I was so nervous about the season ending. Knowing this strike could last a long time and it did. Luckily we are coming out of it. Light is at the end of the tunnel. Looking forward to S6 and all the squeeing to come with it.

~~~~

Side notes non-Chenford

This episode one giant stress. One of them being when they try and take Harper’s daughter. The panic in my soul for her. My goodness this finale was great.

All of Celina's scene with Aaron pulling at my feels as well.

Thank you everyone once again who supported these reviews. They started out as a way to fill time between S5 and S6. Became a truly fun hobby for me. Kinda sad the ride is over but like I said at the beginning I’ll do mini reviews each week for s6 won’t be rid of that easily ❤️❤️ Can’t wait to delve in S6 with you all :)

[twogyuu]

rating how svt would take care of their s/o when they're sick

pairings: svt x gn!reader

genre: fluff/comfort, crack

warnings: mentions of vomiting/fainting, mentions of food, inaccurate vague medical advice

WC: 928

a/n: because im sick and eating cheeze-its for my first meal at 4pm today 😀 I'm not funny when I'm unwell sorry-

. . . .

seungcheol - 10/10

He has 7+ years of taking care of 12 other boys under his belt - I think this is self-explanatory.

Has a first aid kit with a thermometer ready in the bathroom.

Knows where the nearest 24-hour-drugstore is so he can get you all the right medicines at 3AM.

jeonghan - 8/10

Will think you're joking at first, but when you finally vomit, he's like 😮😰

Tucks you into bed and stays by your side all night. Rubs your cheek every so often to make sure you're not dead.

-2 because he can't cook well and his pride is getting in the way of contacting Mingyu to make you soup. You might throw up for other reasons other than being ill . . .

joshua 8.5/10

Definitely notices from the moment you woke up that something is not right.

He asks if you're okay, but you brush it off saying it was just a cold.

Out of respect, he let's you be, but watches you carefully.

Catches you when you faint overexerting yourself doing laundry. Scolds you for trying to hide your illness and tells you it's okay to rest and be taken care of if you need it.

Unfortunately, tries to soothe you to sleep with Sunday Morning. (But it's Monday and the sun is shining.)

. . . .

Soonyoung - 6/10

Oh sweet, sweet, sweet Kwon Soonyoung 😅

Truly cares and is worried to the core, but he doesn't know what to do other than let you rest.

Will pace the apartment trying to come up with something. Wants to google "how to take care of your sick partner" but technology is his biggest enemy.

Will eventually call Jihoon for help, but his friend is like "What? Why are you calling me? Ask Seokmin?" so he does and eventually gets the help he needs.

Jun - 1000/10

HE! IS! SO! CAPABLE!

Goes full-on mom mode the minute you tell him you're not feeling well.

Wraps you up like a burrito and tells you to stay put while he gets you medicine and checks your temp.

Amidst all that, somehow manages to make you soup and call your doctor for an appt tomorrow just to make sure it's nothing serious.

wonwoo - 7/10

I'm not sure why but he gives me strict dad vibes.

Scolds you for not wearing your coat 3.5 days ago when you start sniffling and coughing.

Forces you to rest and tells you he will take care of you, but from a distance - he can't get sick either. Who else would take care of you?

Knows how to order in a mean bowl of soup.

jihoon - 4/10

🧍‍♂️

😶

😰

**speed dials mingyu**

. . . .

minghao - 6/10

Sick? There's a tea for that 😎

Meditation can also be helpful 😀

When he opens his eyes, he finds you snoring against the arm of the couch and sighs heavily.

Mildly annoyed, but throws a blanket over you nonetheless.

mingyu - 140000^9 / 10

Thermometer? Check. Tylenol? Check. Alka-seltzer? Check. Pedialyte? Check. Sprite bc you can't tolerate the taste of alka-seltzer and Pedialyte? Check and check.

Has silk pajamas set out for you and newly washed sheets ready for you to rest in.

Already has the kitchen brewing and planning three small meals for the day. You're sick, but you gotta eat - even if you need it just to throw it up.

seokmin - 9/10

Panicc button personified.

Ready to call an ambulance to take you to the hospital to be checked up ASAP, but after much insistence you reassure him it's nothing serious.

Will take the day off of work to attend to all your needs.

Record time of 5.763 seconds to reach you every time you call for something from bed - otherwise, can be found in the kitchen cooking dinner and on his laptop looking up home remedies.

. . . .

seungkwan - 7/10

A worried bean :(

He's a little more reasonable than Seokmin - took you to urgent care instead.

When the doctor told him it was probably just a GI bug and you needed to rest and keep hydrated, he went to the local 7/11 and bought a liter of water for you to drink.

Scolds you when you don't want any because you're nauseous, but let's you be nonetheless.

Later that night will come apologize and tell you he's just really worried.

vernon - 2/10

ILY my dude, but he's so used to being taken care of, he doesn't know how to take care of you 😭😂😅

You would like throw up and he'd be like "oh no 😶" in the most monotonous voice ever.

Don't get him wrong! He's worried and he wants to help, but he's not sure how.

He **does** know how to make (burnt) toast w/jam though 🤗

Will do everything you ask. He can do it - he just needs step-by-step instructions.

His saving grace is that he'd be unfazed by how gross you can be when you're sick. You'd be like "I'm sorry you had to see that," and he'd wipe you're face and be like, "It's fine - you're sick and you can't help it."

chan - 3/10

"STAY HERE! LEMME GO CALL MY GRANDMA FOR HELP!"

Unfortunately, stays on the line with her for an hour.

You already went to and from the drugstore to get your medicines and are just resting now.

Still a sweet kid and asks if you need anything every now and then.

Cuddles :'))))

[ptersparkers]

OH MY G O D YOUR HOT WIFE X NEIGHBORS FIC INSPIRED THE MOST CHOOSE ME LOVE ME SCENARIO IN MY HEAD. so for the sake of this story let’s say aaron doesn’t have a kid. what if you’re away on a business trip but that’s when he moves into the house officially, and you’re not gonna be home for a week. so the girls across the house don’t know that he’s married since you don’t help him move in (obvs) and they try to flirt with him and he’s panic calling you and you come home and BAM they’re embartasssed

hi! i’m so glad you liked it. hope you don’t mind that i made y/n the breadwinner here x

***

Aaron panics when he realizes you aren’t in bed next to him when he wakes up. But then he remembers you’re on a business trip on the west coast.

He dropped you off at the airport on Sunday morning and couldn’t wait until you came home. The timing was incredibly terrible too—you’d been asked by your superior to attend a conference to represent the hospital you worked at, all while moving into a new house. You had only moved in your clothes and mattress before you had to leave.

Aaron took Monday off to help the movers load everything into the U-Haul trucks. They were parked out front and Aaron helped unload the boxes in the vehicle, telling everyone where his belongings should be placed. He’s grateful your incessant need to label every box came in hand.

After he tipped each mover handsomely, Aaron ordered takeout and caught up on reports for the thirty minutes he let himself eat. But the boxes were calling his name and he knew there were more things from his apartment he could fit into his car with a few trips.

He cleans up and heads out to the car that’s parked in front of his house when he sees two girls approach him.

“Hi,” one of them greets.

“Hi?” Aaron says, though it sounds more like a question.

“We noticed you’ve just moved into the neighborhood and wanted to introduce ourselves,” the other says.

They tell Aaron their respective names and Aaron gives them a tight-lipped smile before giving them his name. He excuses himself to pick up his belongings.

It’s almost second nature for Aaron to recognize when people are looking at him. It’s the caution of his job and he’s not oblivious to the way the girls from before are staring at him from where they’re lounging in the front yard.

Aaron makes the mistake of glancing in their direction when he makes the turn onto his street. One of the girls waved at him and he snaps his gaze back in front of him.

The two of you agree to keep your 911 Turbo in the garage while his car sits in the front street until the boxes occupying his space are put away. Aaron starts to move the boxes into his house when the girls approach him again.

“Hey, Aaron,” Girl One greets.

“Need any help with these boxes?”

“No thanks,” he says honestly.

“Are you sure? You have a lot of boxes.”

He contemplates. Aaron’s not particularly interested in having strangers in his house but he doesn’t want to waste time by moving each box one by one. He needs to make one more trip to his old apartment before everything’s moved completely and didn’t want to pay the movers extra if he could do it himself.

“Sure,” Aaron says curtly.

The girls giggle to themselves and pick up each box. Aaron tells them to be careful with them and opens the door to let them inside.

“Wow, this is a big house,” Girl Two comments. “Do you live here alone?”

“With my wife,” he says, distracted by picking a place to put the boxes. He makes a motion for the girls to put the boxes down and walks to his car to get another box.

“Is she here?” Girl One asks.

“She’s on a business trip.” 

“Where’d you move from?” Girl One asks, brushing her hand against Aaron’s when she picks up a container. He moves aside and back into the house.

“Around the area,” is all he offers.

Aaron decides that he’s too tired to continue moving and unpacking after he tells the girls he doesn’t need anymore help. He gets the feeling they want him to ask them to stay, especially after finding the box with liquor and other bartending tools. Aaron takes the Hawthorne strainer from Girl Two, who seems a bit too excited after his hand touched hers.

Weirded out by the day’s interactions, Aaron decides to call you before he goes to sleep.

***

It’s halfway through the week when Aaron realizes they’re trying to flirt with him. He’s so preoccupied with work and unpacking when he returns home that he doesn’t pick up the fact that the girls are the first ones to greet him when he gets out of his car.

They’re always standing a bit too close to him and speaking to him like he’s a prize and they’re the winners. It feels all too uncomfortable to him, especially when they’re putting this hands on his bicep when they approach. He always leaves them standing alone, too devoted to you to even think about what they want from him.

Aaron thinks his job has seeped into his life after work. Particularly, his sense of perception. He’s friendly with his other neighbors and has accepted a few get togethers on his and your behalf. But these neighbors aren’t interested in him like these girls are. He’s perceptive of the way they change into clothing that’s the opposite of casual, the way their voices drops a few octaves when speaking with him, and the way their hands never seem to stay by their sides.

He finds it disrespectful because they know he has a wife.

He can’t wait until you’re home. You haven’t had a moment to spare except for quick goodnight calls and good morning texts, and he misses you.

Friday finally comes and Aaron’s able to take work off an hour early to pick you up from the airport. He’s taking your 911 Turbo, knowing you likely miss your car, and backs out of the driveway with the windows down.

Aaron hears whistling coming from his left side and he doesn’t need to know it’s those girls again. He rolls his eyes and steps on the gas without realizing it makes him look that much more attractive to them.

He meets you at the arrival gate after parking your car in the airport garage and attacks your face with as many kisses as he can muster. You’re giggling at him, which makes Aaron kiss you like he hasn’t kissed anyone in a year.

“Missed you, baby,” he mutters. Aaron pulls away and kisses your forehead before taking your luggage in his hands.

“I missed you too,” you say. “I’m sorry those girls are giving you trouble.” Aaron sighs and leads you to the car.

“Nothing I can’t handle but I’m glad you’re home.”

Aaron drives while you talk about the conference and catching up with old friends from your time at medical school. You’ve got the widest smile on your face and Aaron finds it troubling to look at the road because all he wants to do is look at you. 

He pulls into the driveway and opens the garage doors, parking the car inside of it. The both of you step outside and he’s about to close the door when he hears a voice from inside. 

“Aaron?” Girl One asks. 

She’s with her friend and they look more than startled to realize you’re standing next to him. 

“Ladies,” Aaron greets curtly. 

“Can we help you?” you ask.

Aaron’s not off the mark about how he described them: young, bold, and extremely nosy. The two girls are looking inside the garage and inspecting the car before looking between the both of you.

“What, you need Aaron to pick you up in his Porsche?” Girl Two scoffs. 

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing, you just look like the type of person who would marry Aaron for his money.” 

Aaron recognizes that look on your face. Your eyebrows are raised, your mouth is slightly ajar, and you tilt your head as if to ask them to continue speaking their own version of the truth. 

“Let’s get one thing clear,” you begin. You gesture at the Porsche. “This is my car. I paid for it. This house? I paid for it. You don’t have the right to throw accusations about me when you’re standing on my property.” 

Girl Two tries to say something but gives up. Her friend tugs on her elbow and they retreat back to their side of the street as Aaron closes the garage door. 

“Who’s gonna tell them you pay for some of the house, too?” you sigh, feigning guilt. Aaron closes the door behind him and pulls you close to him by your hips as your arms move around his neck. 

“You pay more than half,” he says, kissing your nose. 

“Just a smidge.”

“The girl’s don’t need to know that.” 

[cha-melodius]

Hi friend! Congrats again on 100 works! Thank you for offering to write more for us! ❤️I'd like to request 1. firstprince and 2. Kensington as an AU, but only because you dared us to! Alternatively, if someone already requested that and you don't want to duplicate, I'd be interested in a hockey AU set inside the rink! Thank you again, I am so excited to see what you come up with and to read more of your words!

(Thank you so much for taking my bait lol, I've wanted to write this canon-divergence AU where they hook up in Kensington during the damage control trip for a while now. I hope you enjoy!)

Falling Down the Stairs of Your Smile

(firstprince, 4.1k, M; read it below or on AO3) read all the fandom fest fics

It wasn’t supposed to go like this. They were supposed to finish up at the hospital, and then Henry would go back to whatever the fuck he does while Alex went to the airstrip. He’d fly back to DC, so that maybe he’d be able to get some schoolwork done before Monday, and try to forget that this ridiculous weekend ever happened—barring the fact that he and Henry were still obligated to keep up the fake friendship for a few more months, that is.

Instead, Cash comes up to him as they stand outside of Kensington with a slightly grim look on his face and says, “Change of plans.”

“Huh?”

“They discovered an issue with the plane during the flight prep. It needs some part that they’re not going to be able to get until tomorrow morning. We’ll leave then.”

“What do you mean, they can’t get it? Why not?” Alex demands. Surely in a country with fucking royalty, nothing is out of grasp for said royals and their guests.

Cash shrugs. “Didn’t ask. The palace confirmed you can stay another night.”

Alex groans probably a little too dramatically. “What about my classes?”

“I am, in fact, very aware of your class schedule,” Cash says dryly. “You’ll be back in time.”

“I don’t have another change of clothes.”

“Pretty sure Kensington has laundry.”

“I’m really not getting out of this, am I?”

“Nope.”

Alex sighs and looks over to where Henry is standing with Shaan by the front gates. There’s a look of trepidation on his face, no doubt because he’s just been told that he’ll have to deal with Alex for another night. Of course, that’s not a given. Henry will probably disappear into his apartments and ignore him, which suits Alex fine. They may have reached a kind of détente today, but they’re not friends.

“Sorry to hear about your plane,” Henry says as they get back into the car that will drive them further into the palace.

Alex shrugs. “It’s fine. I guess I’ll have to survive the hardship of ten thousand thread count sheets another night.”

Henry huffs a little laugh and grins. It’s kind of amazing how different he looks when he smiles for real. “I know you’ve probably had your fill of me today, so feel free to say no, but…” He hesitates a moment, as if waiting for Alex to shut him down before he even makes his proposal. “I was thinking of ordering in curry for dinner tonight. There’s a place not far away that’s quite good. Maybe watch a film?”

It’s pretty much the last thing Alex expected him to say. He wonders if this is another olive branch, an acknowledgement that it’ll be easier to pretend they’re friends if they’re actually… kinda friends. Surprisingly, Alex doesn’t hate the idea.

“What movie?” he counters.

“Well, I would suggest one of the Star Wars films, but I’m not sure we could agree on one.”

“If we’re not going to watch the best one, aka Empire—”

“You mean Return of the Jedi,” Henry interjects.

“—I guess that leaves the next best.”

“So, Rogue One?”

Alex grins. “Ok, maybe we can be friends, after all.”

He’s absolutely not letting himself think about the warmth that grows in his chest when Henry laughs.

~~~~~

Alex discovers that there’s a room in Kensington that’s pretty much as tricked out as you can get without being in a movie theater—“There’s an actual theater in Buckingham,” Henry tells him, “but Dad had this put in for family film nights”—with a massive screen and a killer sound system. They eat their curry out of take-out containers on a surprisingly comfortable, normal couch as the movie plays, keeping up a running commentary between them that ranges from Star Wars lore to the cast (“Come on, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t follow Diego Luna anywhere. Look at him!” Alex insists, which garners him a strange look from Henry) to random things entirely unconnected to the movie.

Turns out Henry is actually really funny, which is a fucking shock and kind of annoying except for how he leaves Alex in stitches several times. It’s absurdly easy between them in a way that it shouldn’t be, and Alex can’t remember the last time he had this much fun just hanging out with someone. And it’s Henry. What is his life, even.

“I can’t believe you like this one,” Alex says as they watch Jyn and Cassian embrace desperately on the beach. “It’s pretty much the opposite of a happy ending. For the main characters, at least.”

Henry hums, tipping his head slightly. “They give up everything in the service of a cause bigger than themselves, and they succeed. There’s something beautiful about that.”

“God, you are a sap,” Alex teases, bumping his shoulder up against Henry’s. Somehow they’ve managed to migrate closer on the couch over the course of the movie, until they’re practically touching.

“And why do you like it, then?” Henry counters. “The action and spies and intrigue?”

“Not only that,” Alex says. “But there’s a reason I’m a big Bond fan.”

A smile flickers across Henry’s face that’s a little melancholy but mostly contented. “I suppose that makes sense given what I know of your movie tastes now.”

“Also, your dad was a total babe.”

Henry’s eyes go wide as he chokes on a laugh. “I beg you to not.”

They lapse into silence as the final scenes as the credits start to roll. The movie is over and it’s getting late, but all Alex can think of is that he really doesn’t want the night to end yet. Which is crazy. Twenty-four hours ago Alex was actively cursing this man’s name, and now he seemingly can’t get enough of spending time with him. It doesn’t make any sense, but somehow it does; it’s the same feeling that he was chasing all those years ago in Rio, the one that pushed him to go up an introduce himself at exactly the wrong time, the one that made the hurt of that encounter linger for so long in his psyche.

“Hey, uh,” he says eventually, turning slightly to look at Henry, “thanks for suggesting this. It was fun.”

“I hope it made up for being stuck in London longer than you wanted,” Henry replies, his voice low and soft.

“Definitely.”

Henry smiles, a warm and pleased one that stretches his lips and crinkles the corners of his eyes, and Alex feels like he’s being pulled in by the magnetism of it. He wants to get closer, despite how close they’re already sitting. His fingers twitch with the urge to touch—the soft blond hair falling over Henry’s forehead, the sharp cut of his cheekbones, the fullness of his lips. He’s always known Henry was objectively good-looking, but Jesus, where does he get off being so pretty? It’s annoying, really.

Alex isn’t trying to make things weird, but he also can’t quite help the way his eyes are drawn inexorably down to those plush lips, still curved in a gentle smile. Who even has lips like that, does he get fillers or something, because they can’t be real, except they look very, very real, Alex hasn’t even ever kissed any girls with lips that nice, that look that soft—

Something short circuits in Alex’s brain and he just— has to know. How soft they really are. Before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to Henry’s, which are, as it turns out, extremely soft. It only lasts for a second before his brain comes back online and he realizes Henry’s frozen stiff, which is fair, because Alex has no fucking clue what he’s doing. He hasn’t kissed a boy since Liam and this was not the fucking boy to just kiss out of nowhere. He’s gonna get, like, locked in the Tower of London or something.

He wrenches away as quickly as he leaned in, meeting Henry’s wide, stunned eyes (—still so so blue, how can they be that blue—), his lips slightly parted and just a little damp from Alex’s.

“Shit,” Alex breathes in a rush. “Fucking shit— I don’t know why I did that, I’m so sorry, Henry, I didn’t mean anything by it—”

“Alex,” Henry murmurs, but Alex is too far gone in his spiral at this point.

“—I promise, it was just— I mean, I’m not even—”

“Alex.”

Alex stops in the middle of a word, his mouth hanging open. Henry’s got some kind of strange look on his face that he can’t parse at all.

“Did it really not mean anything?” he asks slowly.

The thing is, Alex has no idea what it means. Absolutely none. Something inside him—something he doesn’t really understand—wanted to do it, but like, just as an objective experiment. Except that part of him wants to do it again, even though he already got his answer. Really wants Henry to kiss him back. Which is making him feel a little insane.

Alex closes his mouth, licks his lips, and swallows hard.

“That depends,” he says cautiously, “on what you want it to mean.”

For some reason, that makes Henry growl in frustration and cast his eyes to the ceiling. Then he groans, “Christ, Alex, you’re so—”, grabs Alex’s face between both hands, and kisses him soundly.

Alex’s insides go positively molten. Henry’s hands are gripping his jaw, and in his hair, and Alex can’t help but press closer. His own hands find Henry’s narrow waist, reveling in the dip of it, the heat of his body scorching through the thin fabric of his shirt, and the only thing currently occupying Alex’s mind is a desperate urge to feel bare skin under his palms. That is, until Henry slides his tongue along Alex’s lower lip, sucks it into his mouth and tugs on it with his teeth, and Alex stops thinking altogether.

Their positions are a little awkward, twisted toward each other on the couch as they are, and Alex isn’t sure if he pulls or Henry pushes—or maybe both—but a moment later Henry is unfolding his long legs and shifting to straddle Alex’s lap, which is both incredible and incredibly overwhelming. Especially when Henry’s hips rock forward and Alex can feel his growing arousal pressing into the rapidly tightening region of Alex’s pants.

Jesus, this is— it’s— it’s a lot, but the very last thing Alex wants to happen is for it to stop.

He absolutely does not whimper when Henry pulls back, sending Alex unconsciously chasing after his lips. Fortunately, Henry doesn’t go far. He presses their foreheads together, breathing raggedly into the space between them as his thumb swipes across Alex’s cheek.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Henry breathes, and yeah, Alex had no fucking clue.

His mind is spinning at a thousand miles an hour, and he has no idea what to say to that besides: “Fuck.”

Henry chuckles softly, nudging their noses together. “Indeed.” He presses a soft kiss to Alex’s lips, then another to the corner of his mouth and one to the edge of his jaw. “Do you want to… go somewhere we won’t be interrupted?” he murmurs into Alex’s ear, and his warm breath combined with the words makes Alex tremble under him.

Alex swallows hard as his hands tighten on Henry’s hips, but he hesitates a moment too long because then Henry is actually pulling back, a concerned expression creasing his brow.

“Which is not to say— we don’t have to do anything more if you don’t want— I just thought—”

“I want to,” Alex blurts, surprising even himself. He’s not entirely sure what more means to Henry, but he knows he wants it. Jesus, does he want. “Yes. Fuck. Let’s do that.”

Henry grins, wide and nearly blinding in its brilliance, and Alex thinks he would do just about anything to see that smile on his face always.

They clamber off the couch, adjusting themselves with shared, knowing giggles, then Henry grabs his hand and tugs Alex through formal, stuffy corridors lined with portraits and antiques, which just adds a certain something to the absurdity of the whole situation. Somehow it’s not a surprise that Henry’s apartments are just as impersonal and opulent as the rest of the palace, full of hideous floral wallpaper and baroque furniture. Before, he’d have put that on Henry himself, but now it feels wrong despite the fact that Alex still barely knows him. It feels like he knows enough. Henry eats curry on the couch and cracks crude jokes and sniffles at the tragic endings of Star Wars movies (yes, Alex noticed). Henry is warm and soft and feels like he belongs in cozy, simple rooms full of old books and tea and cardigans.

Alex’s musings are cut off when Henry pulls him close again at the foot of the hideous gilt monstrosity that is his bed, wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist and tugging him into a lingering kiss. It’s softer than before, delicate and sweet, exactly like Alex would imagine Prince Charming would kiss. From this angle Alex has to tip his head up to kiss him, which is definitely not something he ever thought would do it for him, and yet. Henry’s evening stubble scratches against his chin, and broad hands grip onto his hips and pull him against the hard, flat planes of Henry’s chest, all of it constantly reminding him of the unmistakable masculinity of the person he’s currently making out with.

Alex thinks, distantly, that he should probably be freaking out about this a bit more, but it’s too easy to give himself over it in the moment. He can freak out about what whatever the fuck it means later.

Henry’s hands move to the front of Alex’s shirt, and his nimble fingers make short work of the buttons before pushing it backwards off Alex’s shoulders. His fingers leave trails of fire where they linger against Alex’s bare skin, and even just this has Alex moaning into the kiss, desperate for more. He tugs at Henry’s shirt, yanking the tails out of his pants and nearly tearing the buttons open in his haste, which makes Henry laugh at him, the bastard.

“Eager, are we?” Henry teases, and Alex bites the grin right off his face.

“Shut all the way up,” he huffs before sinking his teeth into the absolutely irresistible collarbone he’s just uncovered.

Henry sucks in a gratifying breath at that, his hands tightening on Alex’s waist, and then he’s manhandling Alex back onto the mattress, which has no business being as hot as it is. Alex kicks off his shoes before scrabbling backwards so that he’s lying against the pillows, his heart racing as Henry crawls up over him with a nearly predatory grin on his face. The way his body fully blankets Alex’s is overwhelming in the best way, making every part of Alex ache with the need to somehow be closer, even as Henry presses the their bodies together from knee to chest and captures Alex’s lips in another deep, probing kiss.

They kiss and kiss until Alex’s lips are almost numb from it, their hands roving over heated skin and through thoroughly mussed hair. Henry’s hips roll slowly against him, almost a question, and Alex groans when he feels the hardness of Henry’s cock pushing against his hip. His own is straining against the front of his trousers, and his breath shudders in his chest when he imagines what it would feel like to have Henry’s hands wrapped around him.

But—

“Hey, uh,” he breathes as Henry’s mouth moves to his neck, and he’s nearly driven to distraction by the feeling of Henry’s teeth scraping lightly over his pulse point, but he wants to get this out, “I’ve never actually—” His voice fails, and Henry pulls back just enough to look him in the eye. Alex swallows. “Done this. With a guy. I mean, kinda, but not really—” He lets out a frustrated huff. “It’s a long story.”

Henry stares at him so intensely and earnestly that Alex feels flayed open by it, like Henry can see all the parts of him that Alex himself didn’t know were there. “We can just do this,” he says as he pushes a curl back from Alex’s forehead. “The last thing I want is to push you into something you’re not comfortable with.”

It’s completely reasonable not to rush things, but Alex thinks if he leaves London without seeing Henry naked he might fucking expire.

“Did I not already fucking say I wanted it?” he retorts, a little testily. Better that than admitting how desperate he really is.

“Well, to be fair, we didn’t exactly specify—”

“I want you naked,” Alex breathes in a rush. “I want your hands on me. Your mouth, if— if that’s something you want.”

Henry’s gaze goes dark and hot, and he actually licks his lips. Alex’s dick twitches in his pants. Jesus Christ.

Henry dips back down to kiss his neck, but a moment later he answers. “That,” he says, pressing it into Alex’s skin as he kisses a path down his chest, “is something I very much want.”

Then Henry’s hands are at his waistband, making short work of his belt and peeling off his underwear and pants in one go, and everything goes very, very hazy after that in the absolute best possible way.

~~~~~

The room is quiet after they subside, after every ounce of pleasure has been wrung from their bodies, after shouted names ease into murmured endearments.

“I should go,” Alex eventually whispers into the stillness, because he should. It would be better if he spent the night in his own rooms. Safer.

He doesn’t want to, though. He doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts right now, doesn’t want to give his brain the space to run wild with this. That’s what will happen if he goes. He’ll fall into a research spiral on google, and text Nora even though it’s too late, and quietly freak out about everything that’s happened tonight. Here, though, Henry’s got an arm thrown over his waist, and it’s not much, but the weight of it soothes something within him. Keeps him grounded.

Maybe it’s just Henry that settles him. He doesn’t want to think too hard about that.

“You could stay,” Henry murmurs back. He leans in, presses a kiss to the outside of Alex’s shoulder. “No one will notice. Tomorrow’s Sunday. The staff come in late.”

This is a terrible idea. This can’t be… anything, really, given who they are. Alex doesn’t even know what he wants it to be, but he knows that.

“You sure?” Alex asks anyway.

“Stay,” Henry repeats.

So Alex stays.

~~~~~

The bed Alex wakes up in is unfamiliar, which is hardly surprising given his travel schedule lately. What is unexpected is that he’s naked, and there’s a warm, naked body pressed against his back, and abruptly all of what he got up to the previous night comes slamming back into vivid clarity.

He slept with the fucking prince. Henry. His nemesis, except not actually, apparently, and oh yes, definitely also a dude. Alex sucked his dick and most definitely enjoyed the experience, so that’s a whole new thing. The freakout about his sexuality that he shoved to the back of his mind last night rockets to the forefront now, and he can feel his breath stutter in his chest.

Except then Henry’s arm tightens around him and he presses a sleepy kiss to the back of Alex’s shoulder, and the tightness in his chest unclenches somewhat. Not all the way, but enough.

He fumbles for his watch, then jolts up to sitting with a new fear once he sees the time. Jesus Christ, Cash or Amy is going to show up at his bedroom any minute now to pick him up so they can leave, and Alex isn’t fucking there. This is a disaster.

Henry grumbles at being disrupted, sleepily rubbing at his eyes in a way that’s definitely not adorable at all. “Time is it?” he mumbles through a yawn.

“Late,” Alex huffs, briefly getting tangled in the sheets and nearly falling out of the bed in his haste to find his clothing.

He’s halfway into his pants when there’s a knock at Henry’s bedroom door, and he almost falls on his face again. That seems to wake Henry up a bit more, and he finally sits up, his hair standing up in all directions and his eyes gone wide.

“Yes?” Henry calls out.

“The Secret Service seem to have misplaced their charge,” comes Shaan’s voice through the door, and Alex would very much like to die right now. Henry stumbles out of bed, throwing on a robe, then opens the door just enough so that Alex isn’t visible. “I told them I would inquire with you to see if you had any idea of Mr. Claremont-Diaz’s whereabouts.”

There’s something very knowing in Shaan’s tone, like he’s perfectly aware of where Alex spent the night and furthermore none of this is exactly a surprise to him, and Alex only barely manages to hold back the extensive collection of curses crowding at the tip of his tongue. What the actual fuck.

“Ah,” Henry says. His cheeks are bright pink. “Just a moment, I’m sure I can help you locate him.”

“I’m not sure I’ve properly conveyed how agitated they are, sir.”

“Tell them I’m ok,” Alex sighs begrudgingly, stepping into view now that his shirt and pants are on. It’s not like he’s kidding anyone; he’s still barefoot in Henry’s bedroom and the bed that two people clearly slept in is fully visible from where Shaan is standing. “I just—”

Shaan holds up a hand. “Believe me when I say that you do not need to finish that sentence. I will deliver the message, but”—he pauses, glancing between them—“you probably shouldn’t linger.”

He pulls the door closed behind him as he goes and, despite the warning, Alex stands there for a minute, rooted in place and staring at the floor. Maybe Shaan doesn’t want an explanation, but the Secret Service certainly will. Fuck.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Henry says quietly, suddenly close beside him. Alex hadn’t heard him approach. He still looks so soft and sleep-rumpled, and something tugs at Alex’s chest that absolutely should not be tugging. “I shouldn’t have talked you into staying here.”

Alex huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “I didn’t take much convincing,” he says. “I shoulda just set a fucking alarm.”

“Probably,” Henry agrees, his lips tipping into a wry smile that fades into a look of concern. “Are you… ok?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” he answers, probably a little too quickly. Henry just stares at him in that way that makes Alex feel entirely too seen. “Probably gonna get chewed out for disappearing, but it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“That’s not exactly what I was talking about.”

Alex swallows. “I’m fine.” He offers Henry a little smile. “This was fun.”

“It certainly was,” Henry agrees carefully.

“Where’s your phone? I’ll give you my number, it’ll be easier to plan joint appearances or whatever,” Alex says in a blatant attempt to divert from a discussion about what happened or what this makes them. He’s got to figure his own shit out first. He doesn’t need Henry to know that he’s already wondering when he can arrange his schedule to see him again.

Henry gives him a look, but he fetches his phone and hands it over to Alex with a blank contact page open. Alex types in his number and hands it back.

“I’ll be disappointed if you only use that for booty calls,” he jokes.

Henry sputters out a laugh. “Noted.”

He’s endearingly pink-cheeked and smiling, and Alex doesn’t think before he takes the last step that puts him in Henry’s personal space, grabs the fronts of Henry’s robe, and pulls him into a kiss.

If he’d had any lingering doubts about the previous night, about whether what he’d felt was real or not, this thoroughly dispels them. The press of Henry’s lips to his, the way their mouths slot together as easily as if they’ve been doing this for years, the zip of electricity that fizzles under his skin and spreads out to tingle in the tips of his fingers and toes… Alex has never been kissed like this, has never felt like this being kissed, and it’s exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

Like he’s falling.

Oh. Fuck.

[yankstrash]

Cheating scandal blurb rn

i also love to see men cry so let's fuckin do this!!!!

gabe didn't want to believe what he was hearing, but what else are you supposed to do when someone accuses your girlfriend of cheating on you?

the team had finished practice and were changing in the locker room when one of the freshmen had come up to gabe and broke the news to him.

it went a little something like, "hey man, sorry i had to be the one to tell you this but i saw your girl making out with a brother from sigma chi this past weekend. anyways, just thought you should know. good luck."

gabes mind was racing with a million thoughts, and his heart cracked a little more the closer he got to amelias apartment. she didn't know he was coming over, he didn't want to give her anytime to make up a story if this whole thing was true, so when he waltzed into her room with tear brimmed eyes and almost unable to get his words out, amelia was not expecting it.

"gabe? baby, what's wrong? what happened? did you get hurt at practice? do we need to go to the hospital? do-"

"amelia, enough."

gabes response to her worries made her take a step back. he just walked into her bedroom unannounced with tears threatening to spill from his eyes and was silenced when she tried asking what was wrong?

gabe took a shaky breath in and blew it out while closing his eyes.

"sit down, please." he said, and amelia gave him a puzzled expression as she walked up to him instead of doing what he asked.

"baby, what's wrong? you're freaking me out." she said as she placed her hands on his waist, but gabe moved away at her touch.

"just, please, sit." gabe said again, and this time amelia obliged and took a seat on her bed.

gabe stayed standing, letting out a heavy sigh before speaking.

"i'm gonna ask you a question and i need you to be honest with me." gabe started, and amelia gave him a confused look, completely unsure what he was going to ask her.

"did you cheat on me at the frat party last weekend?"

the question hit amelia like a hard smack in the face. she actually couldn't believe her ears when she heard him. she almost had to ask him to repeat it, but as if reading her mind, gabe asked again.

"did you, amelia?" gabe asked when he was met with silence.

the silence, however, wasn't because she was guilty and didn't know what to say. the silence was because she couldn't believe gabe was asking her this question, and had no idea how to respond.

"who the fuck told you that?" she finally said, anger laced in her voice.

"it doesn't matter."

"it does matter! it matters to me! FUCK that!" amelia said as she stood up off her bed. "and NO! i absolutely did not cheat on you, how could you even think that??"

gabe ran his hands up and down his face and said, "one of my teammates told me after practice. he said he saw you making out with some sigma chi dude at their party this past weekend and i-"

"WHO? WHO told you that?" amelia said in a raised voice.

she was beyond frustrated at this accusation and wanted to know who told gabe this, now.

"why does it matter, amelia? do you need to know so you can go chew them out for ratting you out to me?" gabe said, but as soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them.

amelias mouth fell agape before she quickly closed it and shook her head.

"get out. now." she said in a tone so calm it was almost scary.

"amelia just-"

"NO! if you wanna sit here and accuse me of this shit and not even tell me who you heard it from or give me a chance to respond, then i do not want to talk to you." she started, walking over to her bedroom door and opening it.

"leave, now."

gabe stood silent for a moment before doing what she asked and leaving her room.

"don't let my unloyalness hit you on the way out." amelia said as she slammed the door behind gabe once he was out.

that all happened monday night. it was now thursday night and gabe and amelia haven't talked since the fight. at all. it's the longest they've gone without speaking or seeing each other since they started dating.

they were both a mess. amelia has barely slept in 3 days and cries almost any chance she gets, and gabe has been in a piss mood and feels awful about how he handled the situation.

was he upset about the situation? absolutely, but he knows he should've given amelia a chance to explain before taking a cheap shot at her which ultimately lead her to throwing him out and their ongoing silence.

gabe wanted to finish their discussion and know the truth, but he knew for a fact amelia did not want to talk to him. she was livid when he left her bedroom.

amelia wanted to reach out to gabe and figure out where this whole thing was coming from, because honestly she was still confused by it all.

no, she did not cheat on gabe. but why did someone say she did? and WHO? the question of who still hung over her head, as she had no clue.

gabe packed up his stuff quick, fast and in a hurry once practice ended and was ready to run out of the locker room when drew stopped him.

"let me by dude, i'm not in the mood." gabe said as he tried to move past his teammate, but he wouldn't budge.

"you haven't been in the mood all week." drew said.

"yeah and why do you think that is? i get told that my girlfriend cheated on me and now we haven't spoken in 3 days and i'm just fucking pissed off. let me by."

drew, once again stood in gabes way, and gabe was about to blow a fuse when drew spoke again.

"yeah and that's what i need to talk to you about. let me grab my stuff and we'll talk outside."

annoyed but obedient, gabe waited for drew to grab his things before the two headed out to their cars.

they walked to drews car and drew leaned up against it as gabe eagerly waited for what he had to say.

"got a nice eavesdropped earful of a conversation at practice today.." drew began. "first of all, amelia didn't cheat on you. so get that shit out of your head."

at his words, gabe visibly relaxed. he already felt a huge wave of relief wash over him, but how did drew know?

"l/n is the one who told you she did, right?" drew asked, and gabe nodded his head in response.

"yeah, so i hear him at practice today laughing with the freshmen goalie. he says 'i needed perreault to be thrown off so i could take his starting spot against harvard, so i spewed some shit that amelia cheated on him with some sigma chi guy, gave him a pat on the back and wished him good luck'."

gabes eyes nearly bugged out of his head at drews words.

drew noticed his reaction and nodded his head. "oh yeah, and it gets better. this was before a handful of guys, including you came out onto the ice, so you missed the response but it was me and ryan that overheard it and ryan wasted no time throwing his gloves off and shoving l/n right into the boards. he was pissed. told l/n he needed to tell you the truth, but his response to that was 'fuck that'. this earned the kid another hard shove into the boards before coach saw and broke it up. shit calmed down before you came out, but yeah. so basically l/n is a lying sack of shit that was just trying to distract you so he could take your starting spot in the game next weekend. so now that you know, get your shit together and go apologize to amelia. and think up the greatest apology of your life on the way over there, because she is upset. like, the most upset i've ever seen her. and i've known her for a long time, gabe."

gabes heart sunk at drews words.

"you've talked to her?" gabe asked.

"of course i have. i went to see her the day after it happened. she told me what happened and she had a total break down because of it. she loves you, gabe. a lot. she would never do this to you, but she needs to know that you believe that also."

gabe barely wasted a second turning and running to his car, but he stopped in his tracks and turned back to drew.

"you're 100% sure this is true?"

he hated asking that, but he had to.

drew gave him a death glare, saying "do not even ask me that. do not. get your ass over to amelias, now."

gabe may be amelias boyfriend, but drews known her for a long time, and he was protective over her in a friend way. when he found out about this whole situation, he was pissed at gabe for how he handled it and was the one there to comfort amelia.

he hated seeing two of his best friends so upset over some jerk, and knew he had to fix it. even if drew had never heard what he did at practice, he wouldn't have stopped until gabe believed that amelia did not cheat, because he wholeheartedly knew she would never do that.

gabe wanted to ask amelia if he could come over first to make sure she was okay with seeing him.

from: gabriel ❤️

"are you home? can we please talk?

he waited for her response that came through within a minute.

from: meels 💗

"only if you're willing to let me speak and act maturely."

from: gabriel ❤️

"i am baby. i'm on my way."

gabe had so much running through his head on the drive to amelias apartment. his hands were shaky as he let himself in and made his way to her bedroom. he knocked when he reached her door and opened it when he heard a muffled "come in" from the other side.

when he saw his girlfriend, his face fell into a visible frown and his heart ached. she was dressed in a grey crewneck with grey sweatpants. her hair was sticking out of its messy bun, she had rosy cheeks and puffy eyes from crying and she had bags under eyes as if she hadn't slept in days. cause she hadn't.

gabe just wanted to reach out and hold her in his arms, but he couldn't, not yet at least. he had a lot of grafting to do before he could do that.

"before i even say anything, i want to give you a chance to speak and tell me everything that's on your mind. and i promise, i won't say a word until you're finished."

as much as gabe wanted to open his mouth wide and spit out everything drew just told him, he knew he had to let amelia speak first.

amelia crossed her arms and took a shaky breath before speaking.

"first and foremost, if you're ready to believe it yet, i did not cheat on you. i did not fucking cheat on you, and i am extremely hurt that you would believe i would. i have never given you a reason to not trust me, i have never given you a reason to believe i would cheat on you. i have always been nothing but honest and loyal to you, so even though someone told you i did cheat, you should have approached me about it much differently than you did. you waltzed in here, threw the accusation at me, refused to let me speak then accused me of trying to cover my lies. i was astounded, honestly. you really, really hurt my heart with the way you handled that, gabe. after never treating you anything but good, i wish you had handled that with a lot more respect and matureness."

gabe felt tears slip out of his eyes at her response. he knew it was going to upset him, respectfully so, but man did it really hit him hard.

she was right about everything she said, but what hurt the most was hearing her say how he hurt her. he never meant to do that. he thought he was the one getting hurt, when in reality he hurt her.

"you may speak." amelia said, interrupting his thoughts. "but the first thing i want to hear, is who told you i cheated."

gabe let out a quick sniffle before saying, "f/n l/n, a freshmen on the hockey team."

amelia looked confused, as she had barely ever even spoken to this guy before.

"he plays my position, and apparently is trying to steal it too, which is why he lied about you cheating. drew told me he overheard him at practice talking about how he was trying to throw me off my game so he could get the starting spot by lying to me about you cheating."

amelia was stunned at his response. she was expecting some bs, but nothing like that. that was just downright insane. fucking up someones relationship just so you can play in a stupid hockey game? she had never heard something so low in her life.

while she was still beyond upset, she couldn't help but feel for gabe. being told your girlfriend cheated on you only to find out the person who told you that was just trying to steal something of importance from you out of selfishness and jealousy was a LOT.

still though, she wanted a full apology first before she made any sort of move.

"that's... fucked." amelia finally said after a moment of silence while she let the thought of what she just heard consume her head. "like, really, REALLY fucked."

gabe kept his lips in a tight line as he nodded his head in agreement.

"did you confront him?" amelia asked in a calmer tone than the one she was previously speaking in.

gabe shook his head and said, "i didn't find out until after practice. drew told me outside and i took off to come here the second he did. he said he and ryan heard l/n talking about it at practice, and that ryan shoved the kid against the boards and demanded he tell me the truth, but he refused. coach broke them up before anything else happened, and drew told me about it afterwards."

with each word gabe spoke, amelia was more and more shocked.

amelia stood there frozen and swallowed in her thoughts when gabe couldn't help himself and took a step towards her, gently saying, "baby" and holding his arms out to embrace her, but she took a step back.

she put her hand up and said, "anything else you wanna tell me, gabe?"

she was hinting at an apology, and luckily gabe picked up on it.

gabe let a few more tears slip out and closed his lips tightly before nodding his head and saying, "i'm sorry. i'm so so SO sorry, meels. you are absolutely right, you have never given me a chance to not trust you or believe you would cheat on me. i'm sure you understand how difficult it was for me to hear what i did and why i acted the way i did afterwards, but you're right, i should've handled it much differently. i should've and i wish i did because i never ever wanted to hurt you or make you think i didn't trust you because i do. i do trust you, more than anyone. i know you would never cheat on me or intentionally hurt me, i only wish i let those thoughts overtake me more than the intrusive ones that did when i heard what i did. i'm just..." gabe choked a bit, wiping some tears. "i'm just sorry, meels. i'm sorry for how i acted, i'm sorry i hurt and upset you and i'm sorry i ever doubted you."

more tears escaped gabes eyes as he spoke, and that was enough for amelia to see before breaking down herself.

as much as his words spoke to her, his emotions did so much more. the way he was being so vulnerable, showing all his emotions right now and breaking down in front of her, showed how sorry he really was and how much he regretted what happened.

"i need you so bad, meels." gabe whispered through sobs. "please."

his words crumbled amelia and made her take a huge leap towards him, embracing him.

gabes whole body shook as he held his girlfriend for the first time in days.

and it wasn't like one of those hugs they give each other after he's been gone on the road and they finally reunite after a few days. it was a hug of pure heartbreak emotion and desperation. both of their hearts that were momentarily broken this week were slowly starting to heal back up as they held each other. all emotions were let out as they both sobbed into each other and grabbed at anything possible as they were so desperate to feel each others touch after 3 horrible days.

they stayed like this for what felt like an eternity. just holding each other, crying and basking in being in each others arms.

he didn't want to, but gabe pulled away first because he couldn't wait any longer to kiss amelia.

three days without her lips on his was too much, and he needed the feeling now.

amelia smiled into the kiss, so much relief being lifted off her shoulders as her favorite lips in the world were finally back on hers, and all was okay again.

the couple moved to amelias bed and nuzzled into each other tighter than ever. they laid in silence for a bit, just enjoying being in each others presence and on good terms again.

amelia broke the silence after a few minutes to ask, "are you gonna say something to f/n?"

gabe let out a sigh and said, "i should let him know i know so he doesn't try to pull shit like this again, but maybe in a subtle way so i don't get in trouble with the team. can't defend my starting spot if i'm suspended, right?"

amelia chuckled lightly at his response.

"i can't believe someone would actually do that. that is so fucked up." amelia said.

gabe kissed her head and said, "i know," he moved his head so he was looking at her and smiled. "he probably thought you came with the starting spot and he wanted you too. jealous asshole."

amelia burst out laughing at gabes joke, and gabe grinned widely at her smile and the sound of her laugh.

"i missed that so much. your laugh." gabe said.

amelia gave him a gentle smile and leaned in to kiss his lips.

"i missed you so much."

"i missed you, and i love you."

"i love you."

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

MCR Headcanons - they find out you’re in hospital

Summary: How the MCR members would react to finding out you’re in hospital after an accident Reader: can be read as any gender (no pronouns used) Warnings: hospitals, mentions of pain A/N: Don’t worry, in the future I’ll stick to proper one-shots, but i just wanted to share these thoughts, and with 60+ stitches in the face i don’t feel like writing much more. Written on my phone and not proof read. I'm literally laying in a hospital bed rn. While I was in the middle of writing this they gave me a syringe to the stomach and man, it fucking burns. Also i just sneezed for the first time since Monday, and it’s not an expierence i need to repeat any time soon.

Frank

Surprisingly calm. Worried af but surprisingly calm

Packs a few things he thinks you might need before going to the hospital (mainly snacks)

Frank's been in hospital often enough to know that snacks are rare and make everything better, so he only brings your favourites

Will give your door a very gentle knock and wait for an answer before he enters

If there's none (maybe you're asleep), he'll wait outside your room in the waiting area and try again after 30min

If you have an injury in your face, he will tell you how badass you look (if anyone else would have told you that, you might have tried punching them, but you know that it's just Frank's way of trying to process things)

If you're in hospital for a few days or longer, he brings his guitar and plays soft songs to you. Not necessarily singing, just plucking strings (you think he's secretly composing)

Absolutely will try to crawl into bed with you, especially if the room is cool. So you don't get cold (that's his argument, but you both know he just want to hear and feel you breathe)

Makes sure you don't fall out of bed by wrapping his arms and legs around you as good as your injuries allow, and tucking his head underneath your chin

Even though he's calm, he needs to be comforted just as much as you do. So if your lips work you better kiss his hair

  Ray

Panics.

Not the headless-chicken-running-around kind of panic. But the cold, internal one, freezing his heart over

But he tries to stay calm.

Unlike Mikey he doesn't drop everything. If he's cooking he's making sure to finish cooking and packs away the food before getting on the way

Definitely shakey voice when he asks for your room number at the information desk

He's just really glad to see you

Depending on how bad you are, he will definitely try to hug you but if you warn him that you think it might be hurtful, he will completely understand and only gently smile at you

Headpats and forehead kisses / hand kisses !!! (Depending on what's possible)

Will try to stay until you fall asleep, but if he notices you need some alone time, he will leave earlier than he wants to. Your comfort is his top priority

On his way out thanks the nurses and doctors he meets in the hallway for taking care of you

  Gerard

Lowekey panics the moment he hears you're in hospital

Trys to stay calm

Fails

But he's very polite to the people he interacts with while asking for your room

Before entering, he asks the nurses how you're doing and tries to mentally prepare to see one of his favourite people hurt

The whole time fidgeting around with a sleeve of his jacket or something until he sees you

Knocks before he enters

Highkey relieved if you're awake and can talk to him. He was preparing for the worst case scenarios

Will read comic books to you. Or Tolkien. or your favourite books. Or tell you about any and all story ideas he's recently had. Even if you heard about them 100 times already

When you're eventually asleep, he draws you as a superhero. Because that's what you are to him

Mikey

Super nervous to go to the hospital, but nothing and no one can stop him

I can't imagine him liking hospitals (who does really)

But he gets to you as soon as possible

3am? Who cares. Middle of band practice? Band practice is over now

Definitely stopping at a shop on the way to get a plushy

Hospitals are very anonymous and can be really lonely, and he needs to know someone or something is keeping you company after the nurses will kick him out inevitably

Will be really concerned about how you are, but resists the urge to constantly ask

Which you're really grateful for

Trys to stay in physical contact with you the whole time. If he can't brush over your hair or cheek or hold your hand, he will pat your knee.

Stays until the nurses kick him out so you can have some rest, and he leaves behind one of his hoodies for you to cuddle bc the plushy isn't enough in his opinion

Taglist:

@alexstyx @jayloverthe3rd @robinruns @lookalivefrosty @butterflycore  @omgsuperstarg @fivelegance @deadlovers @casmustdiee @cmtryghoul  

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from anon. Halloween is not Halloween without Adam, am I right? Enjoy, everyone!

Words: 2015 Warnings: smut, blood/feeding, hints of Dom/sub dynamic

“Hey, uh, listen… you… I don’t want you to come over tonight.” That was a first. Frowning, you gripped your phone tighter, staring at the bus stop sign as if its very existence was at fault for Adam’s sudden change of heart.

“Is… everything okay?” You’d been spending the weekend at his place almost every week for the past few months. After meeting at an underground music festival where you’d helped out as a volunteer, the spark between you had turned into a destructive fire and, after a funny period of dancing around one another in an attempt to build trust, you had ended up sharing the bed. Adam was by far the most skilled lover you had ever had. He was considerate, never finished before you did and God… did he take aftercare and foreplay to a different level.

It had taken him one hundred days exactly to tell you his biggest secret—that the reason for his hiding from the world was not just him being an introvert… but being a centuries-old vampire. Perhaps he expected you to lash out, freak out, and call the police. But up until that point, Adam had not once laid a finger on you without your permission and now, you even felt bad for not believing him at first, thinking he was so deep in the music scene he now identified as a blood-sucking creature of the night. That was until one morning—you had been up all night fucking in various positions—he fell asleep in your arms on the couch, and then jerked awake screaming in pain, for the curtain had not been closed entirely and the sunlight creeping through promptly burned the back of his hand.

“Adam… is everything alright? It’s Halloween. I even baked cupcakes with O-negative in it!” Do you know how hard it was to bake something with blood?, you added silently.

“You did what now?” A low chuckle reached your ear, making you shiver.

“I did. We were going to watch cheesy horror movies and…” Use those new toys together. You’d been experimenting with handcuffs lately. You absolutely loved being tied up by him during sex.

“Listen, I know… it’s because… the blood supply at the hospital is running low. I had my last proper meal on Monday and I won’t be able to get a hold of new blood until the next. It’s too dangerous.”

You blinked. Too dangerous? It took you a moment to understand. He wanted to protect you. From himself. Your lips parted.

“You… you’re worried you’ll hurt me?”

“Yes, darling. That’s why I need you to stay away from me until Monday, alright?”

Mutely, you shook your head. “Adam… I trust you. Nothing ever happened, so why would it now?”

“I haven’t fed properly. I normally…” He paused. “Normally, I feed right before you arrive.”

“Adam, I’m coming over. You know how busy work will be from November and then only God knows when I’ll be able to see you again. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, darling. But—“

“The bus is coming,” you said. You weren’t lying. You waved so the driver would stop to let you get on. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Darling, no. Don’t you dare—“ You hung up before he could finish his sentence. Dating a vampire meant you’d have to take a risk every now and then. And you were certainly not going to let your Halloween night be ruined by the fact you were human.

Twenty minutes later, you rang the doorbell and then walked backward a few steps so Adam could see you through his window. It took him about a minute to open the door for you—reproachfully so.

“Is it that hard for you to listen?” He said instead of a greeting but pulled you into his arms and kissed you regardless.

“I always got in trouble for that at school if it helps.” You grinned at him and then waved the cupcakes around in front of his face. He sighed.

“Come on upstairs then.”

-

It was fine. More than fine. Like you’d imagined, Adam and you were soon snuggled up on his sofa watching 80s horror movies and laughing about the bad special effects. You were munching on the Halloween candy you had brought for yourself, Adam was devouring your O-negative cupcakes. Not once had he expressed the urge to drink your blood. Quite on the contrary—he was as calm as ever.

“See? You’re doing fine. My cupcakes are helping,” you said during a quiet suspense-filled scene.

“They are indeed delicious.” He chuckled. By now, you were half-lying on his lap, your palm dangerously close to his crotch. You wondered where he had hidden the handcuffs and that silk rope… Biting your lower lip, you inched even closer to him, inconspicuously rubbing your palm against his most sensitive area.

“I know what you’re doing, darling. Stop that. Watch the film.” You rolled your eyes.

“Wouldn’t be the first time we forget about the movie… Adam…” You whined. “I’ve been so horny all week…”

Knowingly, he smiled to himself. “Ah, did you actually do as you were told and refrained from touching yourself until the weekend?”

“Yes!” It sounded like a complaint. “And now look at me! Adam, I need you…”

He chuckled once more and turned to face you. “Well… I reckon since you’ve been such a good girl for me…” Without any forewarning, he pushed you on your back and spread your legs, your skirt complimenting your form like a pair of wings. The vampire didn’t bother taking off your knickers. Instead, he simply pushed them aside to reveal your glistening cunt to him.

You’d been wet ever since you stepped foot into his house, the promise of what was to come later this night torturous foreplay.

“What do you want, hmm? Tell me. Use your words.” You bit your lower lip.

“I want you to fuck me. Please…”

“Just fuck? You think you’re wet enough for me?”

“Yes!”

You were glad Adam didn’t need to bother with a condom. Getting a human pregnant as a vampire was impossible, this wasn’t Twilight after all—and so, when you watched him undo his trousers and push them down to his thighs, you bucked your hips impatiently, waiting for him to sheathe himself inside of you.

A moan escaped your lips when he reached for your hands and held them tightly above your head, immobilising you for him until all you could do was beg with your hips bucking and your back arching—and you cursed when he impaled you on his hard cock only a moment later, pausing for only a second to let you adjust to him. He’d slid in with such ease you grew even hotter than you already were, your limbs shaking from the growing pleasure spreading in your core.

Adam was usually quieter during sex. He’d whisper sweet nothings in your ear, sigh during his climax and moan quietly whenever he felt your hands or mouth on his length… But today was different. He was growling, animalistic, almost feral.

“F-fuck…” You moaned, the force of his thrusts almost knocking all air from your lungs. The vampire buried his face in your neck, inhaling deeply. You were wearing his favourite perfume, anything to provoke him and make him devour you until you came around him screaming his name. Oh, you had certainly never left his house unsatisfied on Monday morning.

Whatever had ridden him, you liked it. Adam was being more dominant than usual, almost… manhandling you, using you. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your legs wrapped around his hips, allowing him to angle you a bit differently so he could thrust even deeper… and then you suddenly felt a pair of sharp fangs pressing against your neck. You screamed in surprise when they broke your sensitive skin and you felt the blood pour from the wound.

Adam’s grip around your wrists tightened, his rhythm ruthless and frantic, uncontrolled. For just a split second, fear rushed through you, having you freeze beneath him—but then, it evaporated like fog on a spring morning, replaced by… arousal. Fuck… it felt… good?

Moaning his name shamelessly, you threw your head back to give him easier access, allowing him to feed on you while he fucked you senseless. At this point, you were unsure whether Adam was even aware of what he was doing. The sweet pain, however, paired with his tip continuously stroking your g-spot did not leave much room for any other thought than that of your orgasm which came crushing in on you like a tidal wave, knocking you off your feet. Clenching around him repeatedly, pure bliss consumed you until you were but a panting mess, triggering Adam’s own release.

He came inside you with a grunt, spurting rope after rope of his seed into you. Only then did he move his mouth away from your throat. Blank horror spread on his face as soon as he realised. His eyes had turned a dark golden, making him even more beautiful.

“Fuck!” He cursed, sliding out of you and throwing himself towards the other end of the sofa immediately. “Shit, are you hurt?”

“I… no,” you said, panting. “I’m okay. I’m… more than okay… Fuck… Adam, that was really hot.”

“Hot? I fucking bit you… I…”

“It felt good! I don’t think I’ve ever cum so hard before…”

Not quite convinced, his gaze wandered to the wound on your neck. It stung a little when you touched it but if that was the prize you’d had to pay for wild sex like that, then so be it.

“I promise, Adam. I… I actually liked that.”

“You like me… feeding on you?” Hesitantly, he placed his hand on your knee when you sat up. You nodded.

“Is that weird? I never thought I liked a bit of… pain during sex but fuck… If we do this again… and you tie me up too… Oh my God…”

Adam licked his lips—without a doubt the taste of your blood was still lingering there. He’d enjoyed it too—you could tell by the hungry look in his beautiful eyes that were now slowly changing back to blue.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes… Adam, I trust you and just now, you didn’t actually hurt me.”

“I lost control. I could have hurt you.”

“But you didn’t. I… this can’t be the first time a vampire has a lover they feed from, no?”

“It’s not… but… it’s rare these days. Vampires used to enslave humans for their blood, keep them naked and half-frozen in their homes to feed on them whenever they got hungry. It was more common with male vampires, of course, but they’d… also use their prey for something else.” Prey. Slave.

Your eyes lit up. The idea of being his blood slave turned you on so much that your pussy clenched with desire. You could only guess that Adam did not fail to notice.

“You’re not like that. I know you’re not. I want this… and trust me, I’m surprised I do! Let me become your pleasure slave on the weekends…” You winked. “Maybe you won’t even need to sneak into the hospital for blood anymore.”

A weak smile played on his thin lips. “I’m not sure there will be a going back from this lifestyle if you choose to pursue it,” he warned, albeit with greed in his smooth voice.

“So? Adam, I love you. We’ve been seeing each other for months and if this is what our relationship will officially evolve into… let’s do it.”

His expression softened. “You love me?” You nodded gently.

He didn’t say it back, not yet. You didn’t need him to. He would when he was ready. Until then, you would explore whatever it was that was growing between you, further.

“Where are the handcuffs?” You whispered, smiling mischievously.

Adam must have still been hungry anyways.

-

A/N: My first novel is coming out! FINALLY! Check out my pinned post on my blog for more details! ♥

[carrickbender]

It's been a wild ride of a week.

On Monday night, I took Henry to urgent care because he still had a really bad cough after a week of antibiotics. They read his O2, which was hanging around 90, and hurried us over to the ER. Dr listened to his chest, ordered chest grays, and told me depending on the outcome he would probably be going up to children's hospital in Tacoma. I called H, who was driven up to the hospital by my mom, in time for Henry to be finishing a big breathing treatment and the doc telling us he was going to need to stay home and rest for a few days, and take prednisone, but he was going to be ok.

Next day, I called out to go in but I worked from home, and had to trounce all over hells half acre trying to find a nebulizer. "Well, depending on how fast your Dr gets the chart notes to us, we can get it to you in a week"... no. Finally, the charge nurse helped me find what was probably the last one down here, but the insurance wanted them to bill it as a durable medical good, and they didn't do that, so it would have to be cash. How much? Fine, thanks visa. Came home, was told there were no productions today(a lie, but that's another post, probably), learned some new work stuff, got the kiddo squared away.

Today was spent being sick myself, but here's the fun part: I don't have insurance right now. At all. I was dropped from one, and I'm waiting on my new job to pick up. And here's the thing: my old one didn't tell me, I'm still sick, my lungs are killing me...just...

The worst part of this is nobody prepares you for this stuff when you have a child. I took Henry swimming for the first time on saturday- think I would have done that if I would have known he was this sick? Nope. And that feeling, that pit of helplessness that I felt when he was sitting in a hospital bed, taking a breathing treatment- being so brave while I'm just useless there...nobody prepares you for that. And I'm sure, he's going to be fine, but this really made and makes me hold on a little bit tighter.

Thanks for listening, much love yall- tomorrow could be a doozy.

[foreverrandomwritings]

Contoversially Young Girlfriend-Part 4

Summary:In this part of CYG and Nat, Nat learns that CYG's moms have intimidating careers. She reacts just about how you'd expect.

Pairing:Natasha "Phoenix" Trace x CYG

Warnings: Anxeity and Alcohol.

Word count:851(Kinda short sorry)

Masterlist Series Masterlist

It was a normal day at The Hard Deck with CYG, Natsha and some of the Squad. CYG has one of her books and notebooks out and is studying for an exam coming up. Nat is talking with Bob about his parents coming into town and then the conversation gets turned onto CYG.

“What do your parents do?” Bob asked her politely. The pair had only been dating for a couple of weeks at this point and it hadn’t crossed Phoenix’s mind to ask, so she was also curious and listened intently. 

“One of my moms is a stay at home mom and the other one is JAG.” Natasha had been taking a sip of her beer when the words came out of her girlfriend's mouth. She ended up choking on the liquid, it spewed out of her nose and she coughed for a solid 5 minutes. All the while CYG is rubbing her back soothingly. 

“What the fuck did you just say?” the words came out of Natasha’s mouth before she could stop them after she could finally breathe properly. 

“My mom is JAG, she works on your base, sometimes she's sent out overseas or on a ship or whatever.” CYG said it so nicely as though her mother wasn’t feared by everyone around them. 

“When were you going to tell me this?” Nat said in bewilderment, throwing her hands in the air. She was known for being exceptionally calm but this news had shook her to her bones. She contemplated breaking up with the woman in front of her at that moment. But she shook that thought out of her head quickly. CYG was no doubt the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. 

“I figured it would come up in conversation at dinner this week.” CYG shrugged casually and the words reminded Phoenix of the dinner she had agreed to go to at CYG’s home. 

“No way am I going to that dinner. That isn’t going to happen.” Nat shook her head furiously. Natasha knew she could handle meeting parents. She had done it before and parents always loved her. But the thought of sitting around a dinner table with JAG had her skin feeling clammy and her chest feeling tight. 

“Phoenix you’re gonna have to meet them eventually might as well just rip the bandaid off now.” It was Bob’s calm and wise words that had a scoff leaving her mouth. CYG gave him a thankful smile for his attempt at convincing his front seater that meeting her mom’s wasn’t a big deal. 

“Unless of course you want to break up because my mom’s job makes you sweat a little.” CYG was only slightly teasing. She was well aware how terrified military personnel were of her mother. Even Cyclone had shown fear of the woman on multiple occasions. 

“Of course not babe. I want to be with you. Just kinda terrified of your mother is all.” Natasha’s words reassured the younger woman there was no need to worry. Even though Natasha was already running through a million scenarios in her head. 

“I wish I could say she isn’t that bad but she is. You get used to it though. After a while that is.” Natasha’s wary look had her continuing “My other mom Juniper or momma balances her out. She’s very sweet, kind and caring. It makes up for how cutthroat my mom Blake is.” 

“She volunteer at a charity or something?” Natasha was being sarcastic with her words but gapped at CYG when she nodded quickly. 

“She volunteers at just about any charity she can. She’s at the soup kitchen every Wednesday. Goes to the local hospital to the children's ward and reads books, sings songs or does crafts every Tuesday and Thursday. Then she bakes cakes and cookies and whatnot and takes them to the Veterans hospital on Friday. Monday is a slow day for her. She normally gardens and practices some songs on her guitar or paints. Saturday is our day together though all three of us go out if mom is in town and spend time doing something together. Sunday is a free day and she normally tries to find some volunteer work somewhere that day.'' As CYG finished listing off her mothers routine she had a warm feeling in her chest. She had always been proud of both her mothers and took any opportunity she was presented to gloat about them. 

“Yea I think I’m sick during dinner.” Natasha was now intimidated by both of her girlfriends' moms and there was no way she was gonna survive an entire dinner with them. 

“I promise you there is nothing to worry about. They are gonna love you!” CYG leaned over and gave Nat a kiss on the cheek before pulling back and giving her an uncertain smile. Even though her palms were sweating and her stomach was twisted in an impossible puzzle Natasha still smiled at her girlfriend reassuringly. Then agreed to go to dinner even if she would be on the verge of throwing up the whole time.

A/N: Next part should be out soon. I'm gonna try and write it tonight or tomorrow!

Tags(open): @sylviebell @wkndwlff​ @eternallyvenus @loving-and-dreaming @princess76179 @kmc1989 @gspenc @aoikioshi

[witchersmistress]

Monster part 9

Not a bad way to end a monday with another monster feeding. but i do feel that the end of this series will come to an end soon.. but dont fret my darlings August wont stay away forever

Trigger warnings: lots of feels, anger and self hatered and soft August and probably irratation at your truly but im pricklty what can i say

word count: 1K

my usual warnings, you do not have permission to copy my work in any shape way or form, if you do ill find you and haunt you for the rest of your days

Your POV

“What?” August asked. I looked into his blue eyes, trying not to lose it. “ I’m still pregnant, Price confirmed it” I reached across the bed for the chart that he left. I handed it off to him “ He ran test at the hospital because something just didn't seem quite right then he took so more blood and did another scan just to be sure that he didn't need to perform a D and C and he found baby B.” i felt  the tears spilling down my cheeks, August was silent and still. “Our son is still alive”

He collapsed to his knees after my statement. He looked up at me, his blue eyes swirling with so many emotions, taking one of his hands and placing it on the soft swell of my belly.” How is this possible? They were twins weren't they?”  he let out a shaky breath as he pressed his face into my stomach, his scruff tickling me as he moved his face feathering kisses along my stomach. “They were fanternal twins, so they had separate sacs and placentas. The one we lost had stopped growing, so the accident was enough to get my body to abort it. Your eyes became glassy as you looked at my belly, cupping your face, I picked up your head and spoke in a soft whisper “ He didn't get them both and he never will. My father will not win.” those blue eyes met mine and questioned my statement.

 you stood to your full height covering me in shadow “What are you saying?” you spoke softly,  face hardened slightly, kissed my hair. "Tell me what you want, little one. I'll give it to you. Anything. Everything. Just name it. Do you want more revenge? Do you want the world to fear you?" I stare blankly up at you as you rip off my sweater and make me face the mirror while resting his head on my shoulder. Feel your fingers working my muscles gently. Hear your heavy passionate breathing. Staring at the girl in the mirror with her skin flushed from arousal, I whisper, "I want someone to love me." I watch as my eyes well up, blurring the edges of my vision, making the girl in the mirror dissolve within the pools.

 Dissolve and appear more visually accurate to the life she has lived; the one she has barely existed in. Like nothing. No one's choice. Is it too much to ask? Fuck! It's too much to ask! There isn't enough moisture left in her eyes, the need to cry a throbbing sensation. She has cried too much. "I want someone to love me!" I say again, bursting bright red and shaking. He turns me to face him, cupping my cheeks. I sob those soundless noises and shed those dry tears. "No one loves me." My voice wobbles, emotions forcing my feet backwards, desperate for space. your hands slip from my face.

you would have never allowed me this wide breadth before, but you are now. "No one has ever loved me, August. I pretended for so long. That maybe if my dad just saw me, just spoke to me, I mean. I can be funny, right? Can I be interesting? I'm—" "I love her." My eyes fly open. I slap my hand over my mouth, shaking my head against the tight grip, my mind and body and soul unable to process what he said. Unable to accept it. Not now. Not after all the lies and betrayal, a perpetual downpour of deceit. The words play in my mind. "I love her." Has anyone ever said that to me? Ever? 

"What did you say?" My reaction causes his jaw to pulse, causing torment to fill his dark, dangerous eyes. "I love you," you say again. "And I want to love you so fucking hard there is no room for the past. Or the pain. And I will, sweet girl. I won't stand  by and allow you not to like yourself when what I see is... spectacular."

 No. I crane my neck, searching his eyes for the truth lying below the surface. The truth. But there is too much emotion filling me right now. My heart strains to balloon for this broken soul, petrified to stone, unable to pump hard within a crushed body. It wants to. God, it wants to believe you. "You love her?" "I love you." Someone loves you, little one. I shake my head slowly. "No." My throat tightens with those dry contractions. "No. You can't." My head moves violently from side to side. No. You can't. Not you. Not the most impressive man in the world. "You're just saying it. You have seen the absolute worst of me! You have seen all the flaws. You can't. I don't believe it. I'm just your burden. Your pretty little burden. I'm—"

 "I didn't see any flaws, little one. I saw you tearing down the middle. I saw you being mauled by life. I can't rip those fuckers from your mind, but I will rip them from this world. All of them." your blue eyes blazing. "I did. I will be your thorns, sweet girl. Your future is with me. Do you know what that means?" I blink ahead because amidst the horror of the past few weeks, in the middle of all this trauma, you are saying everything I have ever dreamed of. 

They are the worst words to associate with this feeling, with this dissonance, self-hate, and the words that I most needed to hear. To believe them, though. I can’t. Can I? After all I have endured, believing would be like jumping from a tree the moment I was given wings. Not trying them out. Or growing into them. Just diving headfirst and hoping they fit. They hold my weight. The weight of my past. 

The whiplash of this decision wraps around me. I can’t grapple with what to feel or say or organize in my mind because it's too much. When I don’t answer, your deep, commanding voice rumbles, "It means you aren't an ordinary, sweet girl." I relent my internal debate, finding your eyes—piercing, fierce blue vortexes of sentiment. "You're powerful." I nod slowly. "It's in your blood, that power." My mouth opens as your words sail around me, my chest pumping harder to draw in air. "You're not my pretty little burden, baby."  lifting my chin. "You're my pretty little queen."

[albertasunrise]

Stuck in the Middle of it - Part 4

Masterlist

Summary: Years after breaking up, you bump into Benny Miller again one evening at a bar. He was one man you could confidently say you had loved once but you’d both agreed you were better off as friends. When he introduces you to Frankie Morales, you instantly feel connected to the man but unbeknownst to you… You get thrown into a love triangle. The two men crazy about you. Only thing is… you have no idea.

Relationships: Reader x Ben Miller, Reader x Frankie Morales

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any warnings. This will be an 18+ fic

Series Masterlist, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Will glanced up when a flicker of movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. They landed on his brother who was staring at Frankie, brows pulled together as he took in the state of his best friend. Will was about to say something when you appeared from behind him, clutching his hand as you too looked at Frankie with a worried expression. 

Will’s own turned to one of confusion as he took the scene in. Why were you with him? 

“What are the doctors saying?” Ben asked, pulling Will from his thoughts. 

“He’s declining rapidly,” Will replied simply “He’s not responding to the medication. Keeps seizing, got sepsis. It’s uh… well it’s been shit watching him just give up.” Will choked out the last part as he fought to keep his tears at bay. 

"Okay." Ben replied numbly "Where's Isla?" 

"She's with mum." Will replied simply "She offered to have her so we could be with him." 

"Always the saint." Ben replied, giving his brother a weak smile before they both returned their attention to the dying man across from them. 

He wanted to blame someone. Anyone. But in truth, there was no one to blame for this. Fish got sick, and he wasn’t getting better. Ben however let his emotions flow freely. He turned to you and buried his face in your neck, sobbing loudly as you stroked his hair. Will watched the scene unfold, his brow furrowed as he tried to work out what was going on but when Ben pulled back and pressed his lips to yours, Will saw red. He kept his anger at bay though. He knew that Frankie needed them all to be calm... Well, as calm as one could be when their best friend was dying. So Will knew he had to pick his moment to confront his brother about what he'd just witnessed. 

In the three days that followed, Fish continued to cling on but the doctors kept telling you all the same thing. It was only a matter of time. You never left Ben's side. He came with you and left with you and Will suspected that his brother knew he was due a lashing when they were next alone together. For someone who fought for a living, he was king at avoiding conflict. 

He finally got his moment when Monday came around and you had to go to work. Ben had said he wasn't going to go to the hospital so Will decided to go to him. This couldn't wait any longer. He parked on his brother's drive, pulled out his spare key and let himself in, scaring Ben in the process as he walked out of his kitchen. 

"Whats happened?" Ben asked as soon as his initial shock wore off "Is it Fish?... Is he?" 

"Fish is the same." Will replied steadily and Ben nodded "What the hell are you doing?" He asked and Benny pretended to look confused. 

"I don't-" 

"Frank left her because of you... Didn't he?" Will pushed "He loved her, told me as much but then suddenly they're broken up and you're spending almost all your time at hers." 

"She's my friend." He protested and Will scoffed.

"She's your ex Ben... And now she's Frank's too." Will growled "You slept with her yet?" 

"Will-"

"Just answer the damn question." 

"Yes." Ben expelled "We're sleeping together." He confessed and Will nodded. 

"How long?" Will asked and Ben sighed "How long?" 

"Only a few days." He snapped "I went to hers after I found out he was sick and she held me. Let me stay and then in the morning we sorta got carried away and well..." 

"You're an asshole." Will snarled. Never before had he been so disappointed in his brother. 

"Fuck you." Ben snapped and Will flipped.

"Fuck me?" He yelled "Fuck you, Ben! Frankie had been happy... finally he had been happy and he'd had a good thing going with her. Then you get jealous and make him give up the one good thing he had going other than his baby girl." 

"I love her." Ben protested and Will scoffed. 

"You love her? You said that before and then you left her." He replied, "You wanted what you couldn't have Ben... that's the truth of it." 

"That's not-" 

"You know, if by some miracle he gets better..." Will trailed off, scraping a large hand over his face he looked at his brother with piercing blue eyes "He'll never forgive you for this." 

"Will..." Ben pleaded as his brother turned to leave "Will come on-" He was stopped by a hand. 

"I will never forgive you for this." 

Then he was in his truck and he was gone and Ben had never felt worse in his life. 

~

You'd barely made it through Ben's door before he was on you. Kissing you with a firey passion that had you melting into him. It had been a hard day at the clinic and you were happy to be back with him but as you pulled away to look at him, you could see conflict in his gaze. 

"What is it?" You asked and he sighed. 

"Will came by today." 

"Is everything okay? Frankie, is he?" 

"Fish is the same." Ben replied, "According to the nurse I spoke to earlier, he's actually doing a little better." 

"That's great news." You replied sweetly "So what is it?" 

"He's pissed at me about us." He replied and you frowned. 

"Us? Why?" 

"I dunno." He lied "He thinks it's too soon after you broke up with Fish I guess." 

"He broke up with me." You screeched and Ben sighed "Well it's none of his business." You huffed and Ben smiled.

"No, I suppose not." 

"I care about Frankie getting better but the man broke me... I don't feel like I owe him anything and neither do you." You replied sternly and he smiled at your little pout. 

"Here here." He chuckled, pulling you into a soft kiss that had you swooning. 

His hands started to map out your dips and curves as the kiss got more heated. You moaned as he gripped your ass and squeezed it and he grinned against your lips before one of his hands travelled over your hips and to your belly. You froze, your whole body going rigid and he pulled away to give you a concerned look.

"You okay?" He asked and you nodded. 

"Yeah, it's silly." You replied shaking your head. 

"No, come on, what's up?" 

"Ben it's nothing." You protested and he sighed. 

"Well, it's obviously not nothing." He said sweetly "Come on, you can tell me." 

"It's just... Well, I've put a little weight on and I'm a bit self-conscious about it." You confessed, eyes looking up at him through thick lashes. 

"Baby." He cooed "You're Beautiful no matter what." He said as he kissed you sweetly "Here." He continued, holding out his hand "Let me show you." 

Will sat with a fussy Isla on his lap whilst he read the toddler her book. She was screeching and giggling with glee as the man changed his voice to suit each character. Both were so engrossed that neither saw movement coming from the bed. 

By some miracle, Frankie had kept on fighting despite the odds. When he started to trigger the vent, they slowly but surely started to ween him off it and then two days ago he had come off it completely. Ben only came to visit with you and Will knew it was because he was afraid of what he might say. Despite their conversation, you and the younger Miller had remained together. 

"Will." 

It was barely audible but Will heard it... His name. 

He looked up to see Frankie looking at him through hooded eyes and he was on his feet in a second, holding Isla close as he checked over his friend. 

"You with me Catfish?" He asked and the other man nodded "I'm going to get a doctor okay?" He said and Fish nodded, his eyes now on his daughter. 

Will was back in a flash, the doctor hot on his heels and then he was pushed to one side so that they could do their thing. A short while later, Frankie was propped up in bed, weakly holding his baby girl as she smiled up at him. 

"FISH?" Ben practically fell through the door, his eyes wild as he made it to his friend's bedside "Sh-iiii-ingles you scared me." He said, upon noticing Isla in Frankie's lap. 

"Sorry." He weakly rasped and Ben shook his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for brother." Ben protested "Just glad you're awake!" 

Frankie gave his friend a weak smile and a slight nod before his eyes drifted to his daughter again. Will called his name and the younger Miller turned his head, noting how Will was motioning for him to follow. 

"I'll be back in a sec Fishcakes." He said before jogging after his sibling "What?" He asked once they were out of earshot. 

"The doctors say he's still got a long road ahead of him." Will started "Can't afford to be stressed." 

"Okay?" Ben replied, unsure of what his brother was trying to say. 

"I think for now... You and Moonshine need to keep your relationship secret." He stated and Ben's face morphed into something else "He was asking for her when he woke up. Guy's clearly still in love with her so if he was to learn that you and she got together whilst he was in a coma for almost three weeks... Well, I'm pretty sure that'd do him in." 

"Okay." Ben replied, nodding his head slightly. 

"Ben... If I'm being completely honest. I think you should break things off but I know you aren't going to do that." Will stated and his younger brother sighed "The truth's going to come out... perhaps you should be the one to tell her." 

"She'll leave me." Ben choked and Will sighed. 

"Should have thought of that before you did what you did." He replied with a shrug before returning to Frankie's room. Leaving a broken brother in his wake. 

~

You were busy serving up dinner when Ben got home. He'd text you to tell you he needed to tell you something and you'd been in a mad panic ever since. These past few weeks had helped you heal and you couldn't help but worry that Ben was coming to end things with you. When he walked through the door with an expression that could break anyone's heart, your stomach dropped. 

"Dinners ready." You called out, desperately trying to distract yourself. 

"Thank you." He said as he sat down at the table, nodding his thanks as you placed a plate down in front of him. 

You then started to eat in tense silence, the weight of his impending confession hanging over your heads before you finally couldn't take it anymore and you asked. 

"What did you need to tell me?" 

"Oh... Yeah..." Ben trailed off, putting down his cutlery and slumping back in his chair "Well um... it's just..." He was struggling to find the words. 

He hated that he couldn't just be honest with you. 

"Ben?" 

"Frank's awake." He said and your brows shot up "Woke up today. Doc’s happy with his progress but he'd still gonna be sick for a little while." 

"That's good news." You said, breathing a sigh of relief. 

"Yeah... Yeah, it is." Ben agreed, sitting forward again so he could finish his dinner. 

You wanted to ask him if there was more. You felt like there was but you were too scared to ask so instead you kept quiet. After dinner, you cleared up, laughed as Ben mucked about with the bubbles as you did the washing up together and then stumbled to bed where he fucked you slow and deep. Pouring all his feelings into the act and you allowed yourself to finally feel something for him that you had long since buried. 

~

It was another two weeks before they let Frankie go home. He'd been itching to leave and Will had been relieved when they gave him the all-clear. They gave the blonde a list of exercises for him, his meds and advice on any complications to look out for. Then sent them on their way. Will had decided that Frank would probably be more comfortable in his own home. So he'd set up in the spare room, which happened to be Isla's room also. He pulled faces at the infant as she watched him from her crib with great interest as she sucked on her mussy. Spending time with her was never a chore.

You on the other hand were having a crisis. Three days after Frankie had woken up, you'd taken a turn at work. You had woken up, laying on the staff couch in the break room before you were forced to go pee in a cup. 

It was another two days before you'd been handed a slip of paper that gave you your diagnosis and later that afternoon you got to see what was causing your stomach to roll at every smell you came into contact with. 

You were pregnant. 

Almost four months pregnant. 

Which meant that it couldn't be Benny's baby. It was Frankies...

Fast forward a week or so and you still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell Ben. How were you supposed to tell your boyfriend that you were pregnant with his best friend's baby? You were in hell. 

Then Ben had told you that Will was throwing a BBQ that weekend to celebrate Frankie's being home you and were suddenly looking for any reason to get out of it. But Ben, ever the arm twister, managed to pick holes in every one of your reasons and so that's how you found yourself sitting in your ex's garden, nursing a lemonade and praying for the evening to be over.

Frankie hadn't been able to stop glancing at you all evening. His heart ached to see you but he knew you were here to support Benny. Will had told him how you'd been a good friend to the youngest Miller whilst he was sick and Frankie was glad that Ben had had someone. He’d always been the more sensitive one. 

When you got up to get another drink from the kitchen, you didn't notice how Frankie's eyes followed you. He longed to just speak to you. To try and clear the air, even a little. Perhaps you could be friends? 

He hoped that you could. 

...

"You okay?" Ben asked as he emerged from the lounge to find you pouring yourself a drink. "Been really quiet." 

"Just tired." You replied, giving him a weak smile as you looked up at him. 

"Tired?" He said, feigning shock "But I haven't given you a reason to be tired yet." He purred and you giggled. 

"I suppose not." You replied, closing your eyes and his lips slanted over yours. 

You allowed yourself to lose yourself in this kiss and everything else fell away for a moment but it wasn't to last. 

"You've got to be kidding me." Growled a familiar voice and the two of you jumped back as if caught by a parent "You two?" He snapped and Ben started to panic. 

"Fish, please... Let me explain." 

"Fuck you." Frankie snapped, turning around and storming outside. 

You stood there in confusion as Ben sprinted out after him. Then your brain caught up with your feet and you were stumbling outside. Ben was holding his hands out in an attempt to placate Frankie whilst the man paced, his face pale. 

"Please let me explain." Ben pleaded but Frankie was having none of it, his eyes drifted to you and you saw something in them you'd never seen before. It made you shiver. 

"Got over me quickly." He spat and you saw red. 

"Got over you?" You shrieked "Francisco, you broke me." You yelled, "I loved you and you just left me." You choked on the last word. Unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. 

"Ben got me through it." You sobbed. 

"Course he did." Fish scoffed and you felt your anger boil over. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"He never told you the truth huh?" Frankie pushed "Fucking coward." He spat as his eyes flitted to the younger Miller. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" 

"Ben told me to break up with you." Frankie expelled and you gasped. 

"What?" You breathed, eyes then drifting to Ben. 

"He told me that he was in love with you and that I had to leave you or lose my friendship with him." Frankie clarified and you sobbed.

"Is this true Ben?" You asked, your tears flowing freely as you watched him closely. 

He couldn't say it. He could only nod and you clutched your stomach as your knees gave out. 

"I had to give up the woman I loved because I didn't want to lose my brother too." He sobbed "And now he's got you… Got what he wanted…" He trailed off.

Your head shot up at that. Frankie had slumped into the chair behind him, panting like he'd run a marathon and Will was quick to sprint to his side and check him over. You then looked at Ben who was crying silently from where he stood. He looked at you, eyes filled with conflicting emotions and you wanted to scream at him. But you didn't. 

Suddenly, what you had to tell him wasn't so hard anymore. 

So you stood, looked and Frankie and then at Ben. Your face had morphed into an expression that neither man could read and Ben's blood ran cold as he waited for you to say something... Anything. 

"I'm pregnant." 

That hadn't been what he'd expected. 

His face lit up, heart filled with something he’d never felt before as he took a ginger step towards you.

"Baby that's-"

"I'm four months pregnant." You interrupted and stopping him in his tracks. His expression dropping as his eyes filled with fresh tears "It's not yours, Ben." 

Frankie looked up at you in shock, his eyes then drifting to where you were cradling your small but visible bump. 

"It's yours, Frankie." You said finally as you looked at him and he choked. 

You studied each other a while as the information you'd just fed them all sunk in... And then a smile crossed his face and pushing himself to his feet, he weakly walked over to you. 

You watched as he brought his hands up to cradle your face, studying you a moment before he went to speak. You saw his eyes soften as he formed the words on his tongue. 

"That's wonderful news." He said, his smile growing wider and you grinned back at him "We're going to have a baby." 

"We're going to have a baby." You confirmed, not noticing Ben turn to leave. 

~

To say Ben was surprised to see you walk through his front door later that evening would be an understatement. He stood gingerly from the couch, placing his beer down on the coffee table before he turned to face you. The two of you stared at each other silently for a moment before finally, how broke it. 

"I fucked up." He rushed out and you snorted "You have every right to hate me but I love you and I don't want this to end." 

"You're right Ben." You started, eyes staring off at something out of his line of sight "You did fuck up. You broke me and Frankie up... All because you wanted me for yourself." 

"Baby, please, I-"

"I'm not done." You stopped him "You made a shitty call. You hurt me and I should hate you for it but I don't." You paused a moment, finally looking at him "I don't want this to end either because for some deranged reason I love you!" 

Ben couldn't hold back his sob any longer "I'll be better I swear." 

You nodded and you let out a sign as one hand scraped over your face as the other went to cradle your baby bump. 

“I’m not saying that I’m not still mad… I am and we have work to do but I’m willing to do it. If you are.”

Ben was nodding eagerly. Relief washing over him at the knowledge you weren’t leaving him.

"We also need to talk about the fact I'm pregnant with Frank's baby." You piped up and he nodded "I'm keeping it, Ben. No question about that... So if you don't want to do this with me then I am giving you an out." 

"What?" 

"You can leave right now and I won't hold it against you." You stated, "But if you stay with me then you're agreeing to help raise this baby with me." You continued "We're gonna be a family Ben. You, me and this little surprise." You looked down at your swollen stomach and smiled "And Frankie's going to be involved too so if we do this, you can't get jealous of him spending time with me and her..." 

Your eyes widened as you realised what you'd just said. 

"Her?" He squeaked "It's a girl?" 

"Yeah." You replied with a shy smile "Doctors pretty sure but they said they can confirm when I have my next scan in a couple of weeks." 

"Shit." Ben breathed as he scaled the room to kiss you, grinning when you pulled him tight "I'm in baby..." He trailed off, pulling back to look you in the eye "I'm all in." 

You smiled sweetly at him, grinning as you placed a sweet kiss on his lips. 

"Good." 

Little did you know that Frankie was sitting at home, grinning like a loon at the sonogram picture you'd given him. He looked at the little life you'd created together and felt something start to stir within him. 

Hope. 

Now he had a reason to fight for you. To try and get you back.

He loved you... This time, he chose you. 

Ben be damned. 

Next

Taglist form

Tags: @hayley-the-comet @ajeff855 @mavericksicybabe @supernaturalgirl20 @dihra-vesa @nicolethered @practicalghost @theanothersherlockian @gallowsjoker @little-mrs-morales @sunnshineeexoxo @aliwritesfic @maryfanson @sherala007 @ayrusss @greeneyedblondie44 @elegantduckturtle @jediknight122 @goodgriefitsawildworld @voteforpedro09 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @mishasminion360 @giggly-otter @athalien @mssbridgerton @huitzilinthebudgie3 @samanthacookieone @salome-c @radcollectivesoul @pedrohoe04 @paintlavillered @ktmadden86 @hotchlover @kirsteng42 @djjarins @balekanemohafe @misscampacyn @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @pedromandoverse @destiny-tsukino @mysun-n-stars @tombraider42017 @littlemisspascal @thatpinkshirt @evyiione @girlofchaos @vanemando15