#If you or no one else reads this I don't blame anyone! Yikes...

[bethebesttoyou]

Love Me Not - Choi Soobin

Sypnosis: A friends with benefits relationship might not be as easy as it looks...(has it ever been?)

pairing: College student! Soobin x College Student! reader

song: Love Me Not - Ravyn Lenae ( on repeat and all think about is soobin >.<)

warnings: suggestive writing (sorry no smut, i don't know how to write dirty TEEHEE), I hope I do the relationship justice anyways? swearing, self sabotaging reader (yikes), jealousy, whipped reader (YIKES), UMMMMM ANGST, fluff ending cause fluff endings are superior. Not much dialogue like the others?

Wc: 2.8k

A/N: this is my peace offering cause I have been stuck on writing vampire in the corner.... I want it to go somewhere BUT WHERE?? Anyways this is my sorry for taking so long (unless y'all aren't even waiting on it then ignore this little rant) Just a little one shot >.<

You let out a small scoff and chuckle as you look back down to the ice in your drink. Raising it to your lips and taking another big gulp. The drink you had mixed together was terrible, at the time not really caring what was in the drink as you continued to pour and pour into the red cup.The  taste of bitterness that stuck to your tongue, the overall warmth on your face caused by the big careless gulps you were taking, all of that made whatever you were witnessing much more bearable. 

Soobin had been laughing at something the girl with light orange hair had said. He had been talking to her for a while now, leaning his back against the wall, looking down at her with glazed eyes. You didn't blame him either, she was hot. You would have been looking at her too, if your thoughts didn't surround him and him only. Thinking of everything that happened, missing him, needing him. But you were way too prideful to admit any of that to anyone else. 

In your head, you knew you had made a mistake. Really. It had been all your fault that the one fun thing going on in your life was over. Friends with benefits had only been a minor solution to both of your lives at the time. Hell, when you guys met, you were hardly friends, but the instant connection you had that night made talking about the dry spell you were both dealing with easy to talk about. It wasn't like you couldn't get anyone in bed, it was the trouble of finding someone worth getting in bed with. It was only after a few more run ins, a few more of infectious laughter and casual flirting, that Soobin had, very shyly, suggested the idea of maybe you both benefiting each other in some way (Read: Sexually). You were surprised just how easy he got you to say yes. He really didn't have to do anything, just the awkward clearing of his throat and the blush that painted him across the face, would do it. You had explained your expectations, and he had too, you were both just looking for fun and while you had gone into great detail about how relationships were not your thing and it was really the last thing you were looking for, he watched you with acceptance in his eyes, making you assume he was feeling the same way. It was gonna be great. 

And what a great idea it was.

It started off slow, the exchanging of numbers and the call that never came. You felt bummed, maybe he was backing out, maybe the course of drinks he had made him say silly things. But you felt your heart still, when on a random tuesday night, while your head was buried in books, did you get a text:

“You up?”

Long story short, you were up, you did meet and it was the start of midnight greetings and morning goodbye kisses. You weren't surprised with how good he was, if his demeanor and the way he carried himself (confident and comfortable) told you anything, was that he wasn't lacking in anything, and you were right. With him, you felt like you could go for hours and it wasn't enough, there was so much of him and you wanted it all. He seemed to feel the same way, from how he wouldn't let you go home until early mornings when he felt forced to, a class he would try to get you to skip would come in the way of the both of you. You  would say goodbye and wait for the text and start it all over again. 

And for a while, that's all it was, until you got used to his hands on you even when the fun was over. With winter rolling in, it was hard for you both to get out of bed, his warmth became an essential, a need. Morning goodbyes became afternoons “see you tonight”s and eventually sometimes you would just stay. The day was cleared, you had nowhere to be, and conversations would just flow and fill his tiny apartment. Meeting for just sex, became sex and maybe a new cafe you thought he'd like, or sex and a new movie he thought you'd like, and sometimes…sex wouldnt even happen. It would just be a night filled with rants or maybe no talk was necessary, he would just have you lay on his bed scrolling through your phone while he played on his computer, looking back at you every now and then, the small smile he'd send you before turning back, would have you thanking the room was dark, making the heating of your face go unnoticed. 

“Sounds like a relationship.” Taehyun, who had been snooping on soobin’s instagram account, looked through his tags before looking up at you with an eyebrow raised. 

“Huh?! Where did you get that?” You had been catching Taehyun and Ningning up on your weekend, that of course involved Soobin. 

“Wait, you guys aren't dating?” Ningning asked in shock.

“What the hell? No… I told you, we're just having fun on the side…” Taehyun and Ningning look at each other before looking back at you. Ningning puts her spoon and yogurt down slowly, reaching for your hand.

“Oh…Y/N, babe… you're in a relationship.” 

“Im not! Were literally just fucking.” You whisper the last part. 

“No… youre fucking… and going to cafes, staying the night, learning how to play his video games, cooking each other dinner…I mean… you met his friends…” 

“Fuck buddies dont do that…” taehyun agrees. Ningning shakes her head. 

“Are you guys exclusive?” Ningning questions, “Have YOU been with another person?” 

“I-I…no but… that's what got me here in the first place, I couldn't find anybody that I wanted to sleep with…” 

“But Soobin changed that?” 

“Stop. Don't ruin this for me. We're friends who happen to sleep together.” 

“We're not trying to … But it's clear that there’s feelings involved…and if you are sure they're not from you-” 

“They're not.” You say way too quickly. They look at each other again. 

“Then they are coming from someone else…” 

You were at Soobin’s again that night, just like almost every other night, and he had you enclosed in his arms, with your back against his chest, hand under your sweater, rubbing your stomach softly, his head on your shoulder as the movie played. But you weren't paying attention. Your heart had been thumping chaotically all night long, even he questioned if you were okay to which you blamed it on the large coffee you had a couple of hours ago. But truthfully, the conversations with your friends, especially Ningning’s words, have not only caught you off guard, but have planted a seed of fear in your stomach, one you needed to prove wrong, for whatever reason. 

You turn around quickly and straddle him, catching him by surprise. 

“Woah,” he chuckles, “Are you feeling better?” He asks looking up at you, his hands immediately finding their place on your waist. His eyes glazed and soft, he was falling asleep yet, he still smiled at you, and you felt heat rising from your chest to your neck. 

“Im fine.” You say, before leaning down kissing the corner of his lips as you make your way down his neck hastily. 

“Hey… are you sure? I mean we can watch the movie, dont feel forced to do anything…” 

“I'm fine, Soobin. Do you feel forced?” You snapped. 

“No… I-Im always down but you're never this quick to jump into it, what's the rush? We were just gonna watch the movie today…” 

“Ugh.. Soobin…” You get off of him, standing up and running a hand over your face. You start grabbing your stuff that had been laying around, your heart rapidly picking up speed, you were freaking out. 

“Y/N… hey… what's wrong?” He tries to grab your hand, but you pull away, and the look on his face sends you a painful shock to your chest. But you can't stop the word vomit. You're anxiety is ramping up minute by minute. 

“Fuck buddies dont watch movies, Soobin. They fuck. Its in the name. If we're not going to do that, then why call me over?” 

“What? We're not fuckbuddies,” He scrunches his eyes in disgust of the crude label, “…We're friends with benefits.” 

“Same shit. This was merely just to have sex and now, I have you caressing my stomach like you want to put a baby in it or something.”

“I'm sorry? What is going on? Where is this coming from?” He’s standing now, towering over you. 

“I told you… I didn't want a relationship… And now here we are, acting like we're years down the line, like you're going to propose to me tomorrow!” 

“Im so confused. Y/N. We're friends.” 

“With benefits…meaning there were boundaries a-and we crossed them.” 

“Like how?” 

“Like everything! Meeting your friends, staying the night… god we crossed them from the very beginning… kissing goodbye?! That's relationship stuff!” 

Soobin, who had been staring at you incredulously, now softens his stare, his eyes looking more sad with each passing second.

“I didn't think that stuff bothered you. You always kissed back. I didn't think any lines were being crossed. I-im sorry, really.” His eyes were looking anywhere but you at this point, and that was a good thing. You felt your heart breaking with each word he spoke, and you weren't sure you could hide it. You didn't want him to say sorry, it felt wrong as soon as he said it. 

Silence enveloped you both, and you felt the lump in your throat. He sits down and runs his hands through his soft black hair, removing the hood of his sweater in the process. He pushes his glasses up, before looking back up at you. You hated how, even in the more intense moments, he looked so good, you had to push the thoughts of him back to the further corner of your mind. You were standing still, believing if maybe you didn't move you'd go invisible, or be swallowed whole. 

“What if I do like you?” Soobin stands up again, getting closer to you, “What if I do want this to be more than a casual thing?” Your heart felt a sense of relief, like his words released the pressure you had been holding in, but your head rang alarms. And like a true self sabotager, you had to ruin even an ounce of hope for yourself. 

“I think we should end this…” You whisper before grabbing your keys and walking out the door, ignoring his gaze and the aching feeling of your heart tearing. 

And now here you are. Weeks since the last time you saw Soobin, and the time had been doing a number on you. You had never been the type to miss a fling, much less the feeling, but with Soobin, it was like an entire piece of you had been missing. Like an addict, you tried to find another source, tried to hangout with different friends, different guys, but it was never enough. Your body ached for his hands, his hold, his lips, your heart ached for his laughter, his rants, his sweet nothings, the intimacy that felt like it couldn't be replicated. At night, you couldn't sleep without his soft snores in your ear, without his legs entangled with yours. You wanted him, needed him. 

And now, as you think about it, you realize you loved him. And you never even hid it. Taehyun and Ningning knew, from the look that they gave to each other, Ryujin knew now, as she watched you watch him. It was there plain for everyone to see. You only made a fool out of yourself, rejecting it more. Regret pooled in your stomach.

 But you did this, and as you leaned your shoulder against the wall with Ryujin telling, more like yelling, in your ear about what she just saw in the kitchen, your punishment was to watch one of the hottest girls you've ever seen throw herself onto him. You couldn't imagine her getting the same treatment right? He wouldn't stoop so low right? 

It didn't seem possible to you, until you see the girl grab his hand, and lean to whisper something in his ear, a blush spreading across his cheeks, just like that night. 

“I'm sorry, I really can't do this, I have to go.” You say, if you watched anymore, you were sure your stomach would twist into oblivion, creating some blackhole and swallow you whole. 

Actually, that doesn't sound too bad right now. 

You hand your drink to her, her eyes looking at you shocked, before you quickly make your way to the door.  

The cold breeze eliminated any looming buzz you felt, and remembered you had catched a ride with Taehyun, who was nowhere to be found. You’ll just walk. 

“Hey!” You hear from behind you, and as much as your heart wanted to make its way to the very familiar voice, you kept walking, dreading to have any conversation with him. 

“Hey! Y/N! Stop!” He finally catches up to you, grabbing your hand and pulling you to turn to face him. 

You wanted to laugh at the way his face changes from a determined look to a shocked one, as he notices tears are spilling from your eyes. Your nose and eyes, red and puffy. You settle for a chuckle, before wiping your eyes with your coat. 

“Come to tell me, ‘I told you so’ right?” 

“I told you so?” 

You shake your head. 

“I'm an idiot. I'm so dumb.” 

“Stop.” 

“No, Everyone knew, you had to have known, right?” 

“You're not making any sense again-” 

“I love you! I love you so much I cant fucking stand it. And I'm scared! I'm not made for love or for… whatever this is! And you come and make it fucking easy!” 

He's staring at you, wide eyes and red nose. 

“Don't you think you made it easy too? Don't you see how easy you made it for me to love you!? To need you!? I don't even have to try, it just comes naturally to me to want to be around you all the time! Even just having you in the room puts me at ease, Y/N. What are you so scared of? We had a taste of what it could be like together, and you loved it, I know you did. Just please…” 

“I'm not making it easy now…What if it's like this all the time? What if you get tired of having to push me? What if I become some type of burden, and you get tired of me?” You're full on sobbing now, choking on some of the cries while you talk. He smiles softly, before running his fingers under your eyes, catching the stray tears. 

“Love is work, and as long as you're willing, I will work hard for you, I will never get tired of you, I want to be with you. I want to be near you forever, I want to feel your love, forever. Please, just please give me a chance to show you that we can do this? That you can do this? Loving each other comes to us so easily, I know you felt that… Please…” He's resting his forehead on yours, and for the first time in your life, you ignore the trainwreck of thoughts that try to flood your head, thoughts of insufficiency or doubt, and you nod your head. 

“I want you to say it…” he says, “Tell me you want to be with me… please…” Soobin pleads, his own insecurity needing some type of reassurance. 

“I love you, I want to be with you.” You whisper, and in a split second, his lips are already on yours. His kisses you hungrily, your teeth clashing together. His hands are on both sides of your head, holding you in place, you pulling him forward in, by the pull of his jacket, getting rid of any space between the both of you. 

“Hey!” you hear Taehyun’s voice from a distance, “Is it safe to assume you have another ride?!” Ningning cackles, not that you really cared, not when Soobin is holding your gaze, before he smiles and yells back,

“Yeah, I’ll get her home!” He raises his hand up, to signal taehyun and ningning to leave. You both laugh still staring at each other, at this point, the temperature dropped lower, your breaths now crystalizing in the space between you. 

“I'm going home?” You pout. He smiles, before pulling you in for another kiss. 

“Not a chance.” 

A/N: HUH HUH??? ;> what we think? I realized we focus on the reader alot but what the hell... we are the main events too !!!! I hope you guys liked it!! I enjoyed writing this one too!! It flowed out pretty well!! Ive always been bad I keeping things short so Im glad I was able to cut down my word count LMAO. Anyways!! lemme know what y'all think!! >.<

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Whumpee (Nico) Drugged for His Own Good part 8

Warnings: post-tortured, severe paranoia issues, perceived betrayal by friends

Nico's fingers were trembling as he scrolled to the top of the texts, reading them one by one. The top one arrived yesterday, the day of his escape.

Medic: u got our boy?

Amelia: yeah. I'll keep him safe and recovering. He just needs a break from you guys. He took your betrayals pretty hard. Was there really no other way you could have gone about getting him that surgery?

Marcus: I feel terrible about it, but he was refusing to let us help him. The shrapnel could have killed him if we didn't get it out.

Medic: as a professional surgeon, I must agree. His situation was dire. He was letting past trauma get the best of him which is why he didn't want us to knock him out to take care of the shrapnel. We had to intervene bc it was clear he wasn't capable of making reasonable choices on his own.

Amelia: drugging his drink was still a jerk move tho. He's absolutely terrified of everything, really shaken up now. He's having a hard time even trusting ME, and I wasn't even involved in your awful shenanigans.

Marcus: at least he was willing to let YOU help him. He choked me out shortly after he woke up the first time after surgery.

Medic: and shot me in the leg during his little escape rampage. Ouch.

Amelia: can you blame him tho? You drugged him and forced him into a surgery he didn't want. You completely broke his trust. I'd be scared of you guys too.

Marcus: we know. That's why we sent u in to try and get through to him instead. U can take care of him better than we can right now. We believe in you girl!

Amelia: ugh. I'm always cleaning up your guys' messes. I better get some serious brownie points after this.

Nico's breaths were shallow and tight in his chest as he scrolled down further, to the texts that came in today.

Dang it. Amelia HAD taken the opportunity of his distraction to message his ex-friends. Curse it all!

Marcus: status update?

Amelia: he's doing a little better today -- but he's not all there mentally. He made me throw out a whole breakfast so he could personally supervise me remaking it to make sure it wasn't drugged. U guys really messed him up inside.

Medic: what took you so long to reply? You're not usually this slow??

Amelia: Nico again. He literally confiscated my phone bc he didn't want to risk me texting u all.

Medic: dang. That bad, eh?

Marcus: yikes.

Amelia: yikes is right.

Marcus: when do you think he'll be okay coming back here? I need to apologize for what happened -- u were right, I should have tried harder to find a different way to help than outright drugging him.

Amelia: dunno. But don't get your hopes up on it being anytime soon.

Medic: don't forget to change Nico's wound dressings at least twice a day. Just a quick reminder.

Amelia: I know what I'm doing. Don't worry.

Medic: sorry for pestering -- we're just worried about him back here at the facility.

Amelia: I think he's almost done with breakfast, so I've gtg now. Not sure when I'll be able to message again. He's guarding my phone like a dang Doberman.

Marcus: 😅

Medic: 🤔

Marcus: Thanks for the info.

Nico turned the phone off, his own shocked reflection staring back at him on the black screen. His skin was pale and clammy with fear.

It all made sense now -- why no one had tried to stop him or Amelia when she helped him out of the facility to escape. It was because his team had let her take him away. Every second of his escape had been carefully orchestrated and planned.

Because his team knew he would take Amelia's offer of assistance, even when he was scared and injured and distrusting. Knew he wouldn't accept it from anyone else. Even now they were meddling in his business, waiting like vultures for when he'd be healed up enough to return back to the facility. Maybe they'd even have the audacity to request he resume his role as leader again.

His team members had decided to let him heal up elsewhere since he'd been too freaked out to let any of them near him. They thought they were doing what was best for Nico's recovery, allowing him some relief and distance from them all.

Nico's blood boiled with anger and fear. His friends had all turned against him. Even Amelia, who he'd foolishly had a tiny sliver of hope would be the lesser evil out of his whole team.

He was wrong. So terribly wrong. She was as bad as the others were. Pretending to be so caring while working behind his back like this.

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[pillowbugs]

preemptively: i'm sorry.

(using the term very lightly,)

this isn't meant to be a personal attack; all of the above are intended in good fun.

Only the same few mons: Everyone who has drawn a Chandelure 20+ times, have you ever drawn Garbodor? Everyone who has drawn a Sneasler 50+ times, have you ever drawn Tangrowth?

Unfortunate implications: As an Asian, I've definitely seen takes on the Pearl Clan (and Hisui in general - remember, the Clans are supposed to be based on the indigenous Ainu people of Hokkaido, while many of the people from the Galaxy Team are supposed to be Japanese) as compared to Ingo (who is most often interpreted as white) that made me go. uhhhhh. yikes. I don't think anyone is creating these with conscious malice but please be careful. Stuff like accidentally changing Submas' armbands along with their ties to the same colour as in the beta also falls under this. + anything else that someone could read and have reasonable doubt about. (might be me reading too much into things however, in which case I apologise)

Bechdel Test: Technically a misnomer, as the actual Bechdel test requires 2 female characters, which probably isn't appropriate for a fandom specifically focused around 2 male characters. So this one really just refers to having any female character at all talk about anything other than a guy - anything other than our two train guys.

[sophieinwonderland]

Wishing for anti-endos to loose all their friends and spaces and to be ostracized does not help pro-endos. It makes anti-endos even more set in their beliefs. It makes people who are on the fence go "yikes, I guess the anti-endos are right". I'm firmly pro-endo and your recent post makes me want to take some distance. This isn't how we gain allies.

I know, these people suck. I know, it hurts to constantly be excluded and hated for the way our brains work or the reason why they work that way. I know, many anti-endos are too far gone and aren't people that you or I can reason with unless they decide to unpack their shitty beliefs.

But posts threatening them is not the way to go. They already see us as the enemy. We don't need to add fuel to the fire. Let's make sure people who are on the fence or who don't know much about non-traumagenic systems see us acting in ways that make them want to listen to our side instead of the fakeclaimers. Let's make sure anti-endos who are starting to rethink their beliefs feel like it's safe for them to do so and to start listening to pro-endos.

I'm sure this post is gonna get lots of interaction. But if it makes people less likely to read your studies, to listen to your arguments, to hear out the systems messaging you about their experiences? That's all for nothing.

I... actually think adding fuel to a fire can be useful sometimes. As long as you can keep it a controlled burn.

I'm counting on most anti-endos on Tumblr who would be scrolling through the syscourse tag already having me blocked. They won't see my post.

I'm counting on neutrals probably not following my blog or the syscourse tag either one. And most of those that do follow syscourse have already made their minds up about me.

I made that post for a very specific audience. One that doesn't actually need anyone to fuel its fire because they've built an entire community on seeking out systems to mock and attack. They already cherry pick the worst posts they can find to keep their friend group indoctrinated. So adding one more to the pile shouldn't matter to that specific group.

I don't think anything I say is actually going to make them hate the endogenic community more than they already do because they're surrounded constantly by people who will always reinforce that very generalized hate.

But I do think I can direct that hate they already have. Focus it as much as possible on one specific person. Me.

And the more they see me as a threat, (whether or not I am,) the more hateful they respond to me, the more their community will crack.

Users will be more likely to break their rules, making moderation in their subreddit more difficult for the unpaid mod team who will hopefully start rethinking how much of their life they want to dedicate to a hatesub moderating an angry userbase with nothing to show for it.

And while a slim hope, I'm waiting for them to be pushed far enough for Reddit to ban the whole subreddit.

So yeah. I don’t mind tossing as much fuel on the fire as possible if there's a chance their ableist hatesub burns.

Besides... I'm not actually saying anything untrue.

Plurality IS going to become more accepted. They ARE losing the scientific argument. And anti-endos and cringizens WILL lose friends and community support as plural acceptance spreads unless they're willing to change. A safe space for endogenic systems can never be one that houses anti-endos.

This is not a threat. This is a promise. It's a natural result of progress. And I'll do my part to accelerate this. But it's going to happen with or without my involvement.

I'm just making sure that when it does and they go looking for someone to blame because things have gone bad in their lives and their bigotry caught up with them, they'll direct their anger toward me instead of anyone else.

(Although maybe they can direct it inwards too since, you know, it was their fault for being bigots. But I think that would be too much to ask for.)

[canonizzyhours]

I wrote this long meta post this morning when I was supposed to be working in response to someone saying that they relate to Izzy because he's an outsider, but I deleted it because I realized that I don't care about Izzy, and there's no point in arguing with someone who will be like well that's just your opinion man. Out of all the crew, I care about Izzy the least. I missed Buttons more than I'll miss Izzy in S3. So I'm going to stop reading Izzy posts.

(Although I still maintain that if you see Izzy as the outsider character in Season One you're missing the whole point of his character in that season. Being disliked by your peers is not the same thing as being an outsider!)

But I have one final vent: I'm completely baffled by the canyon. Completely. After I finished the first season, my friend warned me that there were people in fandom who LOVED Izzy, and I was like lol wut. And even after reading all the canyon's meta and all their frankly unhinged tweets, I still don't get it.

Jar Izzy? Okay, I totally get that. Everyone loves a bad boy with issues. I'd be shocked if he didn't have some fans.

But canyon Izzy isn't even Izzy. I've seen them say over and over that Izzy is mentally ill, which is never presented in canon (yet they ignore Ed's very textual breakdown??? why don't they relate to Ed's mental illness???). They say he protects and cares about the crew - citation, please. Show me the scene where he protected anyone. They say that he was completely motivated by the thought that Stede and/or Ed was going to get them killed - aside from Izzy freaking out over the Spanish in 1x04, there's no evidence of that, either. Every character trait they like about canyon Izzy (secretly soft inside, a genius, a natural leader, creative, funny, really really ridiculously good looking, probably nice to kids) literally belongs to the character of Ed!

Then I see posts saying that they relate to Izzy because they're mean and no one likes them... yikes. Or I see them say that they relate to Izzy because they've loved someone who hasn't loved them back, but then why do they vilify the character their fave loves? They've been queer baited because Steddyhands was totally written into canon. Izzy was the only real disabled character. Izzy was the only real gay character. Izzy was the only one with a queer storyline - I guess Stede's entire storyline in Season One never happened?

And you know what, I could probably ignore all that. I could stop checking Tumblr. Hell, some of the Ed takes annoy me because they go too far in the opposite direction and call Izzy an evil mastermind; there are a lot of annoying posts on this site. But it bleeds into my first love: Modern AU Fanfic. Any time I click on a fic that pairs Izzy with anyone else it's more likely than not to portray Ed as violently insane or emotionally manipulative. It bums me out because I'm going to have to start filtering out more and more fic, and I'm going to miss out on some real gems just because it's also tagged Izzy Hands. But I don't know how much longer I can read fics where it turns out that Ed beats and tortures Izzy and only Izzy because they have a special connection, and Izzy gets with Lucius or Frenchie and Ed can't handle it because he can't deal with Izzy loving anyone but him, and Ed picks at Izzy and says terrible underhanded things about him, and everyone is secretly on Izzy's side. WHY ARE THERE EVEN SIDES???

Anyway, I blame Sherlock and discord.

#198.

[youreavicioustrollop]

S5 E5: Peer Pressure

empty city streets! intriguing.

taylor at buck's place in the morning! nice to see them looking domestic.

awww, chim and maddie are BOTH not texting buck. because he told maddie about chim going after her, and chim is still mad for the reasons he punched him! :( and now things are weird at work, hen and eddie acting off, too ? oh no. :( but taylor knows that no one blames buck as much as buck blames himself.

"she was in pain" taylor telling buck that not everything is about him! that's good!

okay, i'm getting my first inkling of the episode title. even though narcissus is So Annoying.

aww, "buck, eddie is with hen, so you and ravi..." bobby breaking it down! probably not for buck bc why would he not know this prior? but for the audience! we get different pairs, this is nice! buck and ravi and hen and eddie! lol, hen telling eddie not to step on her toes. and buck teaching Ravi! and letting ravi do the ramming!! Notable!

"there's a mirror called narcissus?" "somebody didn't read to the end of that story" lol, yup! and buck is a grouchy teacher! although to be fair Ravi is NOT being a good student. comparatively the friction between hen and eddie is nothing! lol, dude saying "you guys are jacked" about eddie and buck. yes, yes they are.

athena and may! yes, you cannot be mom to the rescue in this scenario! the complaining about it is what may needs at the moment.

love harry putting bobby down as the parent. but he punched another kid! yeah, that's not ill-tempered! that is much worse! lol, harry trying to butter up bobby as the step-parent in the equation!

okay, see, why are you glaring at a colleague as they make their way to their desk? don't you have better things to do, claudette?

ah, the classic younger employee thinking they know better! i'm sure on this, a show about emergencies, that will go well.

okay, claudette, why are you muscling may out of the way? do you not have your own calls??? OH MY GOD?????? "ravi if you're gonna vomit do it somewhere else" and then he literally has to go kneel somewhere else!

"we're gonna drive very carefully" hen are you saying eddie does not drive very carefully???

BITCH SHE DID NOT NEED HELP YOU INSERTED YOURSELF WHERE YOU WEREN'T NEEDED AND TOOK OVER HER CALL.

i like that harry went to may, don't love that he didn't tell anyone!!!! don't love that the verbal fighting turned to athena hitting harry! yikes. YIKES

LOL! buck going around the firehouse with a chainsaw shouting "probie!" but at least he had a good reason, wanting to show him how to disassemble it. "he would call it a teaching tool" Buck is a drill sergeant from hell to Ravi (he started out nice!) so he's hiding from him. aww. but hen explains he's being hypervigilant about it! bc 118 is the family he has!

nonsense at the old folks home!

okay, buck yelling here when ravi does One thing wrong resonates with me strongly, in a way that his neuro-spicy bits mirror mine. the tiniest thing would set me off, too.

buck does not sound particularly happy about handing out that congratulations to ravi! but it is good and right he gave it.

awww, buck is trying to call maddie and then tries to call chimney and he looks so SAD and SMALL and neither of them want to talk to him! so he yells at ravi instead! :((((

"didn't wanna trigger me so soon after turning my gurney into a taco" awww. AWWW. wait, buck wants to transfer out of the 118 so ravi can take his place???? but bobby is shutting that down! (kind of dismissively, except for the "i'm the captain here" part) and now everyone else is speaking up saying that they told chimney to go, that it was the right thing to do. in a very, VERY roundabout way saying that they don't think it's buck's fault that chimney left, saying that chim is coming back! and they're basically refusing to accept his self-sabotage. "you're stuck with us" from eddie. WELL, can you maybe act like you like him there, then? he's fucking spiraling!!!! he's trying to transfer out!!!! i mean i know buck looked relieved at that but it was unsatisfying for me.

is claudette just listening in for more interesting calls than hers?? she's not even near may! why are you HOVERING?? you do not know may and you do not know that may knows EXACTLY what she's doing??? which. this is a very tense scene! "my partner" you are NOT partners! and just taking over the call absolutely ruins the report she has been establishing with the victim!!!! may is sooooo smart in how she handled the call!

"i ride you pretty hard because i can see you have the potential to be great." okay, that's not your job. "but you ain't great yet" uh, WRONG you just watched her be great!

buck in pink again! and calling ravi Ravi! he's looking happy again, which is nice.

oh, see, athena does need therapy. but she's so resistant to these kinds of things! but michael bringing out the big guns that "we said we'd never hit our kids" and like! yes! that is something you step in about!

aww see, taylor made something Just About Him! which he needed! okay, wait, he thought that chimney left and didn't talk to anyone else before leaving? he thought that no one else got to say goodbye??? is that because that's how buck feels their interaction went? OOF. like i guess his actions/the resolution makes more sense now. but either way, i like that taylor reiterates that not everything is about him, just like she said! but she does it in a nice way.

harry reading up about rogue cop athena grant? okay!

MADDIE CALLED BUCK!!!!! and she's asking about chimney because HE EMAILED HER A VIDEO OF JEE-YUN CRAWLING!!!!! but buck is focused on Are You Safe and Can We Come Get You Please???? but i love buck and taylor all soft and sleepy :)))))) and buck thinks he knows where maddie is because of the bells in the background!!!! which, lots of places have bells. but i'm assuming he's connecting the bells to a particular thing he knows about maddie.

[fireemblems24]

It's weird because 3 Houses showed 4 unique perspectives on Fodlan, but this one only has 2 - Edelgard's and AG's.

More below the cut obviously :)

Claude admits that he's untrustworthy, that he purposefully comes across that way. If it's racism, then it's racism in the writing of Claude's character and not specific to AG/Blue Lions. Who, by the way, have no problem with Cyril, Dedue, Shamir, Hapi, or Petra - so darker skinned, foreigners, and even Almyrans aren't a problem. Claude is a problem.

To be fair, the game never drags Dimitri for killing Rufus. They did everything they could to make it as justified as it could possibly be - civil war, attempted murder, abuse, refusal to communicate, etc . . . It's just Dimitri struggling with killing a family member, which would be OOC for him not to.

I was kind of bummed that Hopes confirmed that Patricia was so evil. I wanted her to have more complications to her actions, even though the most straight-forward and obvious answer is the one we got. I do wish we had a decent mother-daughter relationship (because, yeah, Sothis-Rhea is yikes, even in Houses where Sothis comes across a lot better). This game ignores motherhood in general, which wouldn't be so obvious if it didn't have so many detailed father-child relationships explored.

The trust Shez in AG vs not trust Shez in SB definitely feels deliberate. Edelgard doesn't trust anyone, but Dimitri doesn't have that issue, so it's fine. For Shez, though, it's obviously better to have allies that trust you and don't make everything about you into your mysterious power, so AG for the win. I agree with your other comment about how Faerghus culture would definitely promote tighter friendships and friend groups, and that's def reflected in the writing.

OMG, the recruitment for Shamir in SB is so wild. Especially later when the Empire has to face the possibility of fighting Catherine and Shamir's just "shrugs." It would've been fine since colder merc, ok, I can role with that, but she literally only joins Edelgard under extreme duress and to rescue Catherine. It's so bizarre. I generally don't have a problem with Shamir or her recruitment, but in SB it's really bad.

I'm guessing you mean that Claude-Dimitri conversation? I knew that line would upset some people, but it didn't me as much. Religion shouldn't have any sort of political authority. Fodlan games are wildly inconsistent with how much CoS has, but any at all is bad, and I'd want any leader not to embrace them having too much power, esp Dimitri because it must suck to feel like he's obligated to another institution regardless of how good/bad it is. I don't think Dimitri blames Rhea for arranged marriages and racism like Claude does and clearly doesn't think getting rid of her will fix human nature (or else why would he protect her? He never mistrusts her either). But they didn't have time for Dimitri go to, well I agree with this and this and this and not this and this and this and 95% of people don't want to read that anyways. I think Dimitri's the ONLY leader with a balanced outlook on the church. He acknowledges and sees first-hand the good it does, doesn't use Rhea as a scapegoat bc he fails to grasp nuance, understands how necessary it is (right now) for the mental wellbeing of his people, but also believes it could use some reform. That seems pretty fair. Because the writing is so unfair towards the Church, then it comes across way, way worse and harsher than it would if Rhea/the CoS got supports or their own route like SS.

You know, I didn't think about that at all about Miklan's mother. My guess, and this is only a guess, is that the vast majority of people with power in the Empire thinks they're the superior nation to the other two. For Faerghus, specifically, they see them as barbarian, uncultured Northerners. Edelgard gets no pushback from anyone for her land grabbing. There's lines from multiple characters suggesting the Empire huffs their own farts. But everyone? Of course not. For every Ferdinand, you've got a Linhardt that just doesn't give a shit.

Yuri is pretty openly pro-Church in this game, to be honest. There's map dialogue towards the end of SB and GW where he straight-up says, I'm only here because you're going to win, and he questions who's actually going to be allowed and benefit in Edelgard's world (it's not like a hopeful, but a doubtful). In AG, he says something totally different that chapter - a more generic observation/we're about to win/etc. There's also dialogue where he cuts himself off in SB and GW, not telling you things, in AG, he just tells you (noticing these things is why I play them back-to-back, I would've never picked up on Yuri trusting Shez in AG and not in SB/GW if I hadn't). His Dimitri support ends with him partnering with Dimitri because he believes the future Dimitri wants will accomplish his own goals (which, I'm guessing, has something to do with protecting/improving the downtrodden). He also low-key agrees to do any dirty work necessary to protect Dimitri's reputation and safety from that kind of work. Dimitri protests anyone doing anything bad in his name, so Yuri's like ok, ok but it's still pretty obvious that's exactly what he intends to do regardless and the part of the reason he intends to do so is because Dimitri's the kind of person who protested lamo. Honestly, he comes closer than any non-student character to openly declaring a side in this game regardless of what side you're playing.

Seteth giving a pro-crest view is interesting. Crests in themselves aren't bad things. It's human greed that turned them into a burden. And, of course, he'd see them as good. They're obviously some kind of "soul" or "spiritual energy" or something of Nabateans given to humans to help them (either get strong enough to defeat Nemesis or save their lives when sick or etc). He sees them from a different perspective and it's literally part of who he and all his family is.

I love the devious side to Flayn. You're right that it's never malicious, it's more playful. She'd be a lesser character without it.

I'm actually kind of shocked how badly Petra got treated. It seemed the fandom never played up how awful it could've been because Petra and Edelgard are friends, but I guess I just never gave Petra enough attention (there's so many characters), but did Petra ever have a choice? It's in her best interest to befriend the person who will one day have the power to destroy or free Brigid of anything in between.

Sylvain probably hates and wants to make peace with Sreng. He often has pretty complicated relationships in general. In GW, he tried to make peace and they used that to spring war on them, a war that killed his father. So, at this point, Sylvain has given up on peace and given into his hate. Since his father just died, that's a reasonable emotional reaction (if not a helpful one). Who knows if, in 3 years, he'd still feel the same way or circle back to "it's complicated, but I want to at least try."

I agree somewhat about your take on Dimitri being the only one who bothers to figure out "why" and even feel guilty about attacking others. It's part of why he's my runaway favorite. But when looking at the writing a a whole, it's a bit sus to only have the one getting attacked care when the ones attacking almost never bother to remember they're killing human beings and the whole thing ends up looking really victim blamey from a country that refuses to acknowledge when they were playing Edelgard in real life. BUT, I don't think it's a big mystery how Dimitri would react to questioning a Caspar or a Nadar who are openly bloodthirsty and for shallow reasons. He'd go and fight and kill them and feel a whole lot less bad about it. Even when he understands the enemy enough to know how badly he'll come across from their perspective, he still gives the command to attack if he thinks it's in Faerghus' best interest. If their reasons are evil, then he'd just go do it again.

AM Dimitri is better off mentally, but that doesn't mean AG Dimitri can't get there. How I see it is AG!Dimitri is what the writers would've done with AM!Dimitri if they had more time. People overplay how Dimitri just "turns around," but it is a valid criticism even if you understand the constraints. I think AG!Dimitri is showing the growing pains. So you'd get initial timeskip -> Grondor -> AG -> AM. Except in my fantasy world, Rodrigue doesn't die at Grondor, but just almost dies, lamo. Also, it could make sense with his friends too. They aren't able to reach him until post-Grondor because they're too tied to the past that's haunting him. So someone he loves almost dies to save him -> he sinks to rock bottom and wants to leave everyone but Byleth convinces him not to -> he and his friends start opening up to each other again -> slowly works towards Savor King. And it's in that "friendship is now back on the menu" when you'd throw in a lot of the AG and some immediately post Grondor AM stuff.

I totally agree about how they did Dedue dirty in AM though. AG redeemed that.

Manuela is from the Empire. For me, it's as simple as that. All her family and friends are there. It's also why I can't fathom the vast majority of the characters joining the Empire either. You'd have to have some crazy high convictions to openly take up arms and be willing to kill your own family, friends, and everyone you grew up around.

When I read people saying that Byleth is so effective because they're a new element, it made a lot of sense to me - especially for the Blue Lions because so many of them are haunted by their pasts. There's too much complicated shared tragedy among the Blue Lions for them to be able to talk about it to each other like they can to Byleth. There's def some annoying self-insert worship going on too, but it still does make sense and there's just good and bad parts to it like any other piece of writing.

That's 2/2 for Dimitri being the one lord that doesn't make a big fuss about the self-insert's powers. It's even better in AG though, since in AM, it's not even commented on. In AG, Dimitri knows that Shez's powers could go crazy one day, but just doesn't care. Shez is a person first and foremost and not just their abilities. (Though, I love it in AM too, that Byleth's powers play no factor at all in their relationship, to the point it's barely talked about. It's very sweet for Byleth to know that Dimitri only ever saw Byleth and not their super powers). Given that Faerghus actually needs super powers more than the other nations, it just makes it even more heartwarming how they put less emphasis on what the powers can do for their country than on valuing that person as an individual separate from God powers.

Azure Gleam Ch 11

Spoilers below for AG Ch 11.

STORY

RODRIGUE is back. You have no idea how happy I am that he got more screen time (and is now playable!)

Ashe's not happy that some nobles kept their titles after turning coat, but they can't afford the chaos changing things would create right now, but they plan to in the future.

I am living for the Big Dad energy Rodrigue always has.

Do we get to kill Caspar's Dad? Please let me kill Caspar's dad.

Felix asking the right questions - asking if they can trust Claude. Annette doesn't trust Claude. Ingrid neither, but doesn't think he's as bad as Annette and Felix.

Gustave and the Knights of Serios are keeping the Alliance in check.

Once again, people asking if Dimitri can kill his step-sister. But Dimitri's like, guys, I killed Rufus. I can handle it.

Ohh, a letter from Patricia? If it doesn't have new info, why bring it up? Something disturbing. Confirmation she was always bad.

Yep, she helped plot Duscur. I mean, we all guessed she was an awful human being, so now we know.

Like, I don't blame Patricia for missing Edelgard or whatever, but setting your child step-son to get butchered alongside tons of other innocent people is straight-up evil.

Dimitri's worried about Shez, and she's opening up to him. It's pretty sweet. It's also so sweet how much they trust Shez even if she doesn't trust herself.

Honestly, Dimitri and Shez are so cute, as friends or more, it doesn't matter, they have a great relationship.

Shez would rather die than kill her friends 😭 We won't let that happen (it better not happen)

MAP/SIDE BATTLES

Seteth said he trusts me 😭😭😭

Rodrigue got to say two things this time, which means he made up for lost time last chapter.

Ok guys, Shamir just went up in my books. She said as a mercenary she'll get hired to kill anyone, but prefers killing bad guys, like the Empire. I love it. She hasn't said anything like this in GW or SB.

SHEZ & RODRIGUE B

LAMO, omg, I love Shez.

So it starts with Rodrigue taking Shez very seriously as Shez talks about how the war may be over by next winter because she . . . wants to have a snowball fight, like all the Kingdom kids got to do.

It's actually kind of sweet, seeing Shez want to just play and have fun with the Blue Lions.

Rodrigue, of course, love the idea.

And takes snowball fighting too seriously, talking strategy. Of a snowball fight. OMG I love this. I love him.

He'd do full-out battle with Lambert and go with kids.

Rodrigue lost, lamo.

So Lambert would rush into battle alone, and Shez thinks like father like son with Dimitri.

I also love how Rodrigue thinks Gautier is cowardly for laying and ambush for Lambert, but is totally fine with his own sneaking and waiting to strike.

It ended with them getting cussed out by Ingrid's dad for not taking the mountain seriously.

Shez can invite Rodrigue to join in.

Oh, man, I wish I got to see this fight. I can only imagine Felix when he realizes Rodrigue is involved and thinking it's dumb for taking it seriously, then taking it seriously. Ingrid being an absolute tyrant ordering people to follow her strategies. Dimitri scared he'll knock someone's teeth out. Mercedes being absolutely savage. And so on...

DIMITRI & YURI C

Excited for this.

Yuri's told a "funny knight" who's really strong is helping everyone out who sometimes sounds sheltered and obtuse and sometimes not. Yep. It's Dimitri.

Yuri's not happy seeing Dimitri in dangerous allies. Worried about him. But Dimitri wants to learn how the commoners live so he can help them rule better.

OMG, Yuri's like "you don't have an heir," worried about the civil war that will happen if Dimitri dies.

Yuri is determined for Dimitri to live a long and happy life because the people of Faerghus like Dimitri and Yuri likes the commonfolk of Faerghus.

Also love how Yuri points out that if war breaks out, nobles will die, but commoners get slaughtered. Wish he'd tell Edelgard that.

Haha, he says to bring Dedue at least.

OMG, I love Dimitri. He then just asks Yuri to be his bodyguard.

And Dimitri won't ask Dedue because he knows Dedue will just forbid Dimitri from coming, like a nanny, lol.

Yuri's entertained that Dimitri asked him to be a bodyguard.

SYLVAIN & DEDUE B

Dedue is impressed with Sylvain for interacting with a woman like a normal person lamo.

"Don't expect praise for merely doing your job." I love Dedue. That's savage af.

Sylvain was motivated to mature by Felix and Dimitri. He said they're both like brothers, which is why he wouldn't get left behind. I love this group.

Oof, Dedue "had" a sister. And now we're getting to learn about her. 😭 She liked flower crowns and was determined when she set her mind to it.

Dedue wants Sylvain to visit Duscur after the war, to visit her grave together 😭

SYLVAIN & FELIX A

Felix got into a fight with soldiers . . . . because they were making fun of Sylvain.

Felix called it the "worst decision in his life." Of course. Felix being Felix.

Felix didn't tell Sylvain because he was worried about Sylvain hearing the details about what people said about him.

I love the idea of Felix getting into a fist-fight with people insulting Sylvain lamo.

Sylvain thinks he deserves his bad reputation because of who he used to be. Felix challenged why Sylvain didn't change sooner. Sylvain has no defense lol.

Felix is ok with people making fun of Sylvain, but only certain people lamo.

Felix is blushing after saying something nice lol. Now he's pissed at Sylvain. And insulting him. Very typical Felix.

Sylvain says he's 7% more cunning than Felix lamo.

This one did go more into ship bait. I was surprised how un-shippy their C was, but I'm sure Sylvix fans loved this one.

DIMITRI & MERCEDES A

They're traveling to a village together. It's the one Mercedes used to live in. Dimitri likes how calm it is.

Mercie called Dimitri her friend 😭😭

Dimitri claims he's a king's knight lol. He catches himself. Also village woman finds Dimitri handsome. She has taste.

Mercedes and Dimitri talk about how open minded the church is and give credit to the overall teachings (lamo, eat shit, Claude)

Mercedes is grateful to Dimitri to taking in the Central Church because it helped the village out. It's why she brought him there, so he could see the good that comes from protecting the church.

Mercedes plans to show him around the town and introduce Dimitri to her mother and the priest.

Dimitri's nervous lol. Hahaha, Mercie says she'll tell him he's someone "very important" which flusters him lamo.

She made him laugh and smile.

This support was adorable. (and feels like it couldn't possibly be the same writers as SB and GW lamo)

MERCEDES & DEDUE B

Sad they only get one support. Their Houses one was amazing.

Mercedes is teaching cooking. The little girl gets scared of Dedue when he arrives to fetch Mercie.

Poor Dedue frightens children and animals :(

Mercie says lots of the kids are orphans, so they're scared, and that Dedue looks intimidating. She has a plan to make him not look as scary.

I KNEW IT! He's handing out flower crowns. I was going to say it was something with flowers.

Now all the kids love Dedue. Good. He's the sweetest man in Fodlan.

Dedue teaches them how to make the crowns.

Dedue is happy with Mercedes, but Mercie says it was Dedue's kindness who won them over. Of course they both give each other credit.

They both have such strong mom and dad energy.

SHEZ & ANNETTE A

Annette's up late working on music lol. Shez thinks the notes look like bugs lol.

Annette won't sing it though :( Her songs are legendary.

She wants a song that makes people feel happy when they sing it. Very Annette.

She heard the song Shez passed around getting sung by a dying mercenary, who died happy though because they appreciated the song. It made Annette appreciate the song more.

She is such a sweetie.

It's sweet to have a whole support revolve around Annette realizing her songs make people happy and help people. She'd love that.

OMG, I love Annette. Her new song is about a feast, then they go to get more ingredients, and then get into a death battle with a bear. Truly a child of Faerghus.

RAPHAEL & FELIX C

Raphael is drooling over Felix's food, so he gives it to Raphael, and Felix offers to go buy more.

Felix thinks he hears thunder, but it's just Raphael's stomach.

Felix is being nice, lol, insisting Raphael eat some of his food.

But now he's annoyed that Raphael called him a "meat buddy" or a bit. Felix likes the idea of hunting that Raphael suggested.

Raphael is so nice not even Felix can manage to get mad at him.

SYLVAIN & IGNATZ C

Sylvain feels bad because he interrupted Ignatz painting. He wanted Ignatz to look at a painting he brought home.

Sylvain knows painting styles (he knows it's not a common Faerghus style). But ofc Sylvain is interested in how pretty the woman in the painting is lamo.

He's curious about the woman's identity, but it doesn't seem in a fuck boy way, but a curiosity over a favorite piece of art way.

That Sylvain is into art just made him even cooler.

Religious art often has their symbols in the art (and Flayn's is fish lamo, good).

As a major art fan, I love this support adding little tid bits about Fodlan art.

Lamo, Sylvain studied art to impress ladies at first, but now he actually likes it.

SETETH & YURI C

Yuri chatted with a scholar, wanting to learn about the 10 elites because he didn't get a good education.

It's a support to explain how crests came to be and their powers

Yuri trusts Seteth with his crest secrets (partly because he knows Seteth already knows, and partly bc Yuri has taste)

Seteth encourages Yuri to cherish his crest and the power it brings

So is Yuri the son of an elite or something?

FLAYN & SHEZ B

Flayn thinks Shez looks good because she's dirty and that suites her lol. I love Flayn.

Flayn is wearing perfume. Seteth probably doesn't know lamo.

Flayn talks about how perfumes coming in trend shows that even in dark times, it's not all consuming. Very Flayn of her.

We're going trend shopping. She doesn't get to shop often.

Flayn is straight-up making shit up, lamo. She invented that Shez wanted to shop to raise Shez's spirits, not hers.

It's this more -uh - questionable side of Flayn that keeps her from being a one-note, overly sweet character. I love it.

CATHERINE & SHEZ C

Count Charon asks Catherine for more soldiers, but only Dimitri or Rhea could give that order.

Shez didn't know Catherine's family. She stays vague about it when Shez asks about her past.

Catherine, unsurprisingly, says she'd fight for Rhea if had to choose between her or her family.

Catherine asks why Shez is here. Oh, I can pick too - for friends, money, or to fight Byleth. Def picking friends. I think that suits AG Shez best.

Catherine looks happy with that answer.

Oh, I like that, live in a way that makes your past self proud.

ASHE & FELIX B

Their only support.

Oh, Felix is confronting Ashe about how he's a knight working for Dimitri. Should've known it would be about this.

Ashe defends Felix when he calls Dimitri a boar and tiresome lol.

Ashe says Dimitri does his job for him, omg, Dimitri, stop (but that's he's getting better).

Felix is like - you have to steal your job back from him!!! Use force if you have too - I love this, lamo

Dimitri promoted a lot of commoners to be knights, and there were some minor misunderstandings at first, but now no one cares

Felix asks Ashe if he's a noble or commoner, and Ashe is like kinda both actually, which is true

Awww, Dedue comes to Ashe's aids when he needs it (and Dimitri, but Ashe mentioned Dedue too)

And now Ashe is singing Dedue's praises, and ofc Felix insults Dedue, saying that blind loyalty will get him killed

And omg hahaha, Ashe is like that's sweet Felix, that you care about us, I always knew

I love how almost no one takes Felix's tsun seriously. They're all like "aww, look, he's chewing my old slipper!" energy

Ashe putting Felix in his place round 2, I love this. Ashe and Felix is always gold

Felix is like, it's just because more work for me if something happens to you!

Then he's finally nice, telling Ashe he does a good job

ANNETTE & SYLVAIN B

Their only support

This time it's Sylvain who catches Annette singing. Annette seems relieved rather than embarrassed.

Sylvain thinks her song is creepy (covers that, saying creative) and that only Annette could make it (affectionate - maybe)

Why is Annette always singing about swamp beasties?

Sylvain wants a song about something cute instead, so Annette naturally jumps to huge bears lamo

We need an Annette Bernedetta support about finding creepy stuff cute

Annette doesn't seem upset with criticism

Also, this is the second time Sylvain talks to Annette like a person and doesn't really flirt with her, more like siblings vibes it's cute

Annette's next song is even creepier lamo But Sylvain likes it anyways

DIMITRI/RODRIGUE/SYLVAIN PARALOGUE

This one is easy since all 3 are leveled up. I want to do other ones, but I may wait to save some cash lol.

They're up north, so Sreng? Yep.

So they're preparing for a Sreng raid.

So a hostage that grew up in Faerghus is now leading the raid. And Margrave Gautier treated him well even though he felt bitter about Sreng killing his wife. So Miklain's mother?

And now the Sreng hostage is using Fodlan knowledge against them.

Haha, Sylvain was going off about being lazy forgetting his dad was right there lol.

It's cool seeing papa Gautier and Rodrigue together.

The Sreng commander really came across like a dick. Rubbing in Miklain's death, not caring about all the men he got killed.

So did Claude do this in AG too? Incite Sreng? They guess Cornelia and someone from Adrestia too, which could be the case in AG.

Gautier takes credit for the fall. Sylvain got through to the guy apparently.

Dimitri's just happy they share a language now. He would know how important that is since he learned the language of Duscur.

I'm glad they fight over land. It's way more interesting and realistic than whatever the hell they did with Almyra.

Aww, Sylvain is dedicated to reaching peace with Sreng. Of course his dad is harder edged because they killed his wife.

Sylvain being so bent on peace and diplomacy just makes the people who claim he makes sense in CF make even less sense.

I had Shez believe in Sylvain, because AG!Shez is nice Shez.

Sylvain and Dimitri both hate resorting to violence and using warfare first. Both want to avoid it at all cost. I like the future of these two both being important in Faerghus.

Oh, cool, talk between Rodrigue and Matthais. I love the little stories we get of all of them. They were trouble makers lamo. They snuck out the night of the festivities.

Lambert wanted peace with Sreng and Duscur. Dimitri's half-way there, and he and Sylvain are working on the other half.

Gautier now agrees with Sylvain, Lambert, and Dimitri and a pathway to peace.

Aww, Rodrigue advised that he apologize to Sylvain, and he's going too.

Oh, I got the lance of ruin! Cool. Sylvain has his weapon now.

FINAL BATTLE

Not Dimitri being more understanding of the Empire nobles who''ll follow any leader that promises them more land than Edelgard does him and the other Blue Lions

He's thinking from the other's perspective, how it looks to them, not what it actually is - Claude and Edelgard could never

Shez is like, no need to feel guilty, hell yes

Felix is worried about Dimitri, in his very Felix way, meanwhile Dedue is like "we trust you"

I love so much that the importance of his friends' support is stressed so much more in AG.

Oh, I get Constance and Linhardt this battle. Cool.

Felix got lectured by Rodrigue lamo, he wanted to break ranks to chase after Monica

Lamo, Manuela's defeat quote is that she won't die single. Ngl, glad she just retreated.

It's really something that the Blue Lions show way more sympathy towards their enemy than the other routes do. They're the only ones that feel guilty for "invading." When the others are invading.

Glad they're bringing up that if they don't do this, Adrestia will not stop until Faerghus is destroyed.

Rodrigue has such a nice voice.

Felix got angry with Rodrigue when he said all the blame for invading will fall on Dimitri, but then Rodrigue said it's up to Felix to support him through it. This really is Dimilix the route, lamo.

Felix is like, duh.

Why is Shez talking to Rodrigue while it's late. I'm getting flashbacks. He died last time this happened.

They're both worried about Dimitri. And it's cannon that Dimitri falls asleep at his desk. Sooo much fanart of that lol.

Apparently Lambert did the same. Like father, like son.

Lambert had a shorter temper than Dimitri, but are very similar. Unlike Rodrigue and Felix. I get to disagree with Rodrigue there, so I will. Because I think they're more alike than they both think.

Ok guys, we finally got it. Why Felix is miserable outside of AM. He can't live without a great purpose pushing him forward. And in SS, VW, and CF he finds no great purpose, unlike in AM where working with Dimitri towards his version of the future does work.

When Lambert died, Rodrigue struggled to find another reason for being. So he devoted himself to his promise to Lambert, to make sure he sets his won back on his proper path is he loses his way.

Shez feels like Dimitri's been helping her, but she's helping Dimitri too. Like what Rodrigue is doing.

Rodrigue says he's only Dimitri's retainer, that's so false. But he says Shez is in a unique spot since she's a friend first, then he's her leader. Which makes me happy.

More teasing about Shez's origins.

Rodrigue says though that Shez's background or powers aren't what's important, it's about who Shez is as a person. I love so much how the Blue Lions keep repeating this idea, that it's not Byleth's or Shez's power. It's their worth as a person that matters.

Arval just called Rodrigue a wonderful human being. Based.

xxxx

[deadsince1973]

OMG, thank you for asking! I’ve been hinting about this in my tags for a while now and nobody’s ever asked, so I’ve been really debating about whether I should post this or not! (Although, to be fair, it was also because I knew this was going to be long, and I felt too lazy to type it all up.)

I just want to start by saying I cannot emphasize enough that I don’t want to take away from anyone’s love for the Captain! If you find him positive representation and relatable, then I support your happiness in this!

But, that being said, I think Them There/Six Idiots’s representation of gay and trans characters is not very good. I could bring in examples from their other works (i.e. Yonderland and Bill), but I’ll try to limit myself to the Captain.

I’ve seen people say things like, “It’s so great to see a gay man where his sexuality isn’t the joke!” But, it is the joke. It’s the whole joke! Okay, to be fair, it’s only half the joke, because the other half is how militaristic he is. But when the joke is about him being attracted to someone, the whole joke is that he’s gay! Take for example when he first sees Mike. Humor exists in the subversion of expectations. Thomas says, “Let me pluck out my eyes, for I shall never see such beauty again,” as the camera shows Alison. Then the Captain says, “Yes.” There’s a pause, where the audience assumes he’s also talking about Alison. But then he adds, “He’d make a very fine soldier,” and we laugh because our heteronormative expectations have been subverted. The Captain is gay. That’s what’s funny! The Captain then clears his throat. We understand that he’s not out and proud. He’s not unashamed of his lust, the way Thomas and Kitty are. The facade of a straight man is maintained, allowing the show to continue to exploit the gap between the behavior expected of a straight man and the Captain’s behavior for laughs. If the joke goes beyond his being gay, it’s that he’s gay and closeted.

Now, you could argue that that wasn’t the joke, that the joke was that he was so invested in his military lifestyle that he conflated it with his sexuality. In other words, the joke was that he was attracted to soldiers, not all men. But that’s not the case at all, because no other case of him combining his fascination with war with attraction to anybody is ever shown. Additionally, because of the heteronormative bias we’re all immersed in every day (not to mention the very real behavior of military recruiters and real-life soldiers), we just more firmly expect a person with an unspecified sexuality to be straight than we do for an army captain to not look at the world and every person in it through a military lens. In other words, there’s more of a gap between our expectations of his sexuality and its subversion than there is between our expectations of appropriate behavior for an army captain and its subversion to exploit. Therefore, even though both his being attracted to a man and the reason why/the way he chooses to express that attraction are humorous, the bulk of our laugh comes from the realization of his sexuality. In order to exploit his expression of his lust in the form of military recruitment for laughs, the writers would have needed to remove the question of his sexuality from the joke altogether. To do this, they would have had to establish his sexuality explicitly and unambiguously before this scene. They did not do that.

You could then argue that that was the first joke, and it established his sexuality, and none of the jokes about his attraction afterwards exploited that expectation. But, as I said above, they still did not make his sexuality explicit. He pretends to be straight, and so we expect him to act straight. That’s as good as actually expecting him to be straight before the first joke for the purposes of laughs. Either way, we expect him to act straight, and so when he acts gay, he subverts our expectations and makes us laugh. Again, the whole joke is that he’s gay.

I’d like to turn now to the way his sexuality is treated in the serious parts, how it’s treated outside of the jokes. I do want to add the caveat here that I don’t find this show emotionally compelling at all, the way a lot of people do. So I am coming at it from that point of view.

After the first season, I said I would be more okay with them exploiting the Captain’s being closeted for laughs if they actually seriously addressed what it’s like to be a closeted gay man. For the record, I know Ben Willbond said in at least one interview that he didn’t want to “ge[t] too deep about it because it is just a comedy.” Personally, I don’t agree with that point of view. I believe that if you’re going to deal with a socially sensitive issue in a comedy, you should give the weight it deserves. I don’t believe everything in a comedy has to be for laughs. Perhaps if you find the Captain emotionally compelling, you would disagree with me that his experience with his sexuality needs to be treated earnestly (and you probably agree with me that not everything in a comedy has to be for laughs). I can respect that opinion, but I’m afraid I do not share it. I would have liked to have seen an explicit depiction of his experience and struggles with his sexuality.

Which brings me, of course, to Redding Weddy. Frankly, I think the Captain throughout the entire show is barely one step away from queerbaiting. Yes, at least there’s never any hint of his actually being heterosexual. That’s a slight improvement from most queerbaiting. But they still never make his sexuality explicit. To my knowledge, none of Them There have even said the words “gay” or “homosexual” in an interview in relation to the Captain. It’s an unspoken understanding between the show and the audience, and that leaves the character open to interpretation. There are allegedly fans out there who still do not believe the Captain is gay. And to my mind, Redding Weddy just gives those fans ammunition.

Redding Weddy is ambiguous. The Captain is clearly as horny as a goat for his lieutenant. But at the same time, even then, even in a flashback, even when the Captain is alone with the audience, we get no explicit confirmation of his sexuality. The Captain’s explanation of Operation William is unclear. It could be taken at face value. In that case, the Captain never wrote a letter to Havers, he really did just bury blueprints with the mine, and all the hinting that he was in love with Havers was just misdirection. At best, we can believe that both were true: that the Captain was in love with Havers, and the misdirection was in the story’s focus on his feelings to distract the audience from the fact that he was really buying secret blueprints. At worst, the whole thing was a misdirection, and he was never in love with Havers at all. I don’t believe that, but it is a perfectly reasonable interpretation. It could also be that the Captain was lying about the blueprints. In that case, he really did write a love letter to Havers and hide it with the mine, only concocting the story about the blueprints and the whole operation being called “Operation William” at the last minute when he needed to explain the mine to Alison. That makes less sense to me, because why would he need to mention the paper and the name William at all, now that it had been blown up? However, you could still explain that away by him being afraid that the letter survived and trying to pre-empt any questions, should the letter ever be found. That’s a bit too much of a stretch in my opinion, but still not a totally unreasonable explanation. I think it’s significant that none of the other ghosts weighed in on the story, even though at least one or two of them must have seen or heard something. I think the story was kept deliberately ambiguous in order to keep the Captain’s very obvious sexuality as vague as was still possible. I don’t like that.

What I would have liked to have seen, more than anything else in regards to the Captain, is for them to have treated his sexuality the same way they treated Kitty’s race: as completely inconsequential. I’m not good enough with history to know exactly when Kitty lived and died, but she’s supposed to be a noble, or at least rich, Georgian woman, right? Google tells me that slavery was not abolished in the British Empire until 1833, under the reign of William IV (who, as I know we all remember from The Monarchs Song, came after George IV). Would a black woman have been granted dignity and respect in the heart of an empire built by the labor of people enslaved with no justification other than the color of their skin? If I’m wrong, please correct me, but I don’t expect so.

I do understand the need for both types of stories. I understand that there’s value in stories about a person of color, or a woman, or a member of any other minority or disadvantaged group fighting for equality and gaining ground. It’s good to have stories that explicitly support equality. But it is my opinion that there’s also value in simply presenting that equality, as unrealistic as it might now seem. It normalizes that equality, and it lets people who identify with one of the disadvantaged groups feel included. That’s why I love seeing a black woman being a Georgian noblewoman, because why shouldn't black people be able to dream of belonging to any period of British history that they want to? None of us can time travel, so it’s no more unrealistic for a black person to dream that than a white person. And that’s why I would have liked to have seen the same thing with the Captain. No, of course homosexuality was not accepted in the 40′s. But why shouldn’t we be able to pretend that it was? Why can’t we just see a gay man being treated completely equally to everyone else, irrespective of his sexuality? Why can’t we let gay men and maybe even others who identify as anything other than cis and straight dream of being able to be themselves in any historical era that they want to? That’s why I would very much have preferred if the Captain was just out, that they used a word like “gay” or “homosexual” on the show in reference to him, and if the whole joke of his character was just his military ways. Possibly mixed with how horny he is, just like Thomas or Kitty. But, in that case, as with Kitty and Thomas, the joke would not have been that he was gay, it would have just been that he wanted carnal satisfaction when he had no physical form. That would have been much better representation in my opinion.

This has all be in answer to the question above, posed on my post about how the Captain dancing with a gay couple at the end of season 2 was magical. I stand by that. I want the Captain to be out and happy, and him indulging himself and being comfortable with his sexuality makes me happy. But the fact that his sexual orientation is so often the butt of jokes, that they never address his struggles about getting comfortable with himself, and that they never dignify him by saying his sexuality out loud makes me feel frustrated and disappointed.

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES 

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone. 

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

[immortal-enemies]

this would probably be an unpopular opinion but i don't understand how everyone seems to sympathise so much with grace

yes, tatiana was abusive and she didn't deserve to have the kind of childhood she did - but does that really make her "a great character that needs a redemption arc" though? She's done a lot of awful things (explaining in detail is tiring but i think we all get the gist lol) and not everything was because she was simply forced to. This one is based on personal preference but i really don't think she has that much of a personality either.

something common I see is "she would be a lot more loved if she was a man" and while i agree, i honestly think she would also be criticised a lot more by the fandom. So many of the m characters have the "they're terrible because they had a bad childhood/was abused and didn't actually want to be awful" trope and the fandom is critical of them (as they should). But why is it different with grace?

I'm not trying to invalidate other's opinions but i just find it hard to agree with her getting a redemption arc. I'm fine with people liking her character, I guess it's more of when they try to justify what she did and excuse her actions? also sorry this is so long 😅

Hey!! Absolutely no problem!! This was, for lack of a better word, interesting to read.

Alright, I'm sorry that this took so long to answer, but I was considering exactly HOW I was going to answer.

So, I'm turning this ask into a ask/rant. Under the cut is my current, unedited, written at 12:00 am, honest opinions on Grace and ig Tatiana, keep in mind that I am, I guess, “anti grace blackthorn” so this isn’t full of defenses for her, quite the opposite, in fact. Read at your own risk (fair warning, it’s long), but since no one will probably read it anyway, idk.

Yes, after CoI that is an unpopular opinion. No, I don't understand it much either. To a certain degree.

One of the things I think that people seem to forget/overlook/ignore is that, despite everything, Grace still had a choice. She decided to give in and spend years abusing a young boy. Tatiana is abusive, but that will never change the fact that, at the end of the day, Grace still had a choice. And yes, I understand why she did it. She was in a horrible place, mentally and physically, but she still decided. No amount of arguing will change that fact. It's her life, it's her choice.

Yes, she did do horrible things without needing to. Her power in to compel/control men. She didn't have to kiss Matthew and use it as some sort of blackmail, but she did. She actually had no reason to other then some personal reason. She could have made Mathew forget. In CoI Grace claims that Matthew would have forgotten the kiss anyway, so why do it in the first place?

That's one of the problems I have with how CC wrote Grace. She had to make the one girl abusing a boy be because she didn't want to show her young female audience that they can be abusive too. Women can be just as abusive as men, and TSC is an awful example of that. Looking at all of the abusive characters who were like that simply for their own possible benefit, the ratio of men to women in that is completely off balance. Not saying it has to be equal, but I'm fairly certain Grace would be the only female character abusing a male character for her own personal gain, while adding a character to her (yes, I also agree that she has none.) not necessarily a character to look up to, but she's not that in canon either.

Now, a point on Tatiana: Tatiana is a character who was driven to be crazy by severe trauma, grief and mental illness, and is portrayed as one of the main villains of the series because of what those factors led her to become. It's also used as a plot point that "she could have reached out to anyone in her family; they were willing to help." So you're telling me that she's the villain because she didn't reach out to the people who, in her point of view, murdered her father, husband and son? ESPECIALLY in the 1800-1900's? That ain't it. We all know that the Shadowhunter families, and Shadowhunters in general, are not responsible for this, but when you look for someone to blame, especially in a horrific mental state, that could very easily be the only thing you hold on to. To be clear: I'm not defending her. Going back to my Grace point, she DID still have a choice in who she became, but I hate how people go "UwU Grace" and then "Tatiana is the bad one 😡" when they're very similar.

Now, onto your last point: gender.

Yikes, touchy subject in fandom.

Yes, if Grace was a man, she would be much more liked from the beginning. But also, if she was a man, then the Grace stans probably wouldn't BE Grace stans, and would hate him relentlessly and criticize and hate. One of the main reasons that people excuse her so much are because she's a girl who's abusive to a boy!! And like, boy's can't BE abused. ESPECIALLY by women, right? I mean, THEY'RE always the abusers!! (/s)

Something else: Christopher.

Alright. This isn't very big, but people praise Grace for not controlling Christopher in CoI. That's horrible. You don't praise people and say "UwU so cute couple goals!" at the fact that she didn't do something absolutely awful to him.

A general criticism of YA is how, in general, m/f relationships are portrayed in a kind of stereotypical/abusive way? Like, you have the guy who, in absolutely NO way can call out/say ANYTHING negative about their female love interest, and are often portrayed as afraid of them. That's... Ew. And then you have the girl who is a badass mf who gets some sick pleasure out of scaring the "love of their life"? Ew. But it's also always said that that's what a relationship should be, and I'm not saying that that's what young girls are going to look up to/expect a relationship to be like, but fiction does affect reality. And honestly for a while I was genuinely terrified at being in a relationship because I didn't want to treat a guy how these girls in YA do. That was mostly unrelated, but I thought of it while thinking of a response to this ask so it's gonna be included.

Anyway, it does beg the argument: what would I have done in Grace's position? What was she supposed to do in such a difficult situation? Well. A mere year ago I would have said "I wouldn't have done it" but know that I would if I was broken down enough, especially at the age Grace was when she got her power. But now, I can easily and honestly say, that I would not agree to anything Grace did. If I was put in her position, I would venomously refuse.

There was more I wanted to say, but like, no one is reading this anyway do like-

[ungracefulace]

Apparently @exclusionistgodzilla made a callout post about me and its... So much. I cant reblog from them but I can respond to this because its dead ass just factually incorrect in a lot of places

So this is how they begin their callout. With someone who just cant stand me. Which is valid, but their reasoning is honestly hilarious. I just want to focus on how for proof in a callout about the DANGERS of ungracefulace, you get unsourced and also wrong (anyone who actually reads anything I post ever will see that I dont give a pass for phobic stuff ace people or any people do. I actively call out and argue with shitty inclusionists when I see them) whining from a whole ass 32 year old. So not a string start but lets see what's next.

So again, this doesn't... count as a source of my evil since it diesnt have anything from what I said. But Ill do one better, I actually found said conversation and this is what they were talking about. (For context this is arguing against the whole idea that ace people cant consent to sex because we don't experience sexual attraction)

So first of all I didnt say aces having sex is like lesbians having sex with men at all. I said that an ace person choosing to gave sex with someone counts as consent, and that lesbian sex workers like my aunt are doing so consenually.

Ill definitely give you my wording is bad; when I say "without enjoying it" I'm meaning without being sexually attracted to. And when I said that it doesnt gave to be super enthusiastic I meant that you dont have to be super pumped to have sex for you to want to have sex. But also this is from like 3 years ago and I've gotten way better at wording things (at least in my opinion)

Obviously these are different circumstances, but for clarification in the case of an ace person deciding to have sex with their partner there's nothing wrong with that as long as they arent being manipulated or coerced, just like literally any couple ever. And for sex workers as long as they are in control of their clientelle then I see no problem with that either.

So none of these at ALL have rape culture apologism so thats just a straight up lie. "Recounting possibly triggering opinions to a CSA survivor minor without consent" ????? They literally were the one to start talking to me in replies of an OP I made about consent. This was the only thing I said about it and they told me they didnt want to talk about it anymore I completely dropped it. And oh yeah, Im a CSA survivor too???? And was also a minor at the time???? Y'all are trying to frame me as some type of predator acting like theres some kind of power imbalance I'm preying on when thats literally not the case and its fucked up.

Supporting self identification in minors is apparently a call out offense now according "supporting the labelling of kids as asexual". And general illiteracy is something thats not supported past "this person said simeone they argued with cant read"

But wait, that's not all!!!

The callout actually continues! With this "receipt"

This is in reference to the thing from like 2 days ago, and again... its so much. We start out strong with blaming me for "defending 10 year olds being ace" because I'm not some asshole going to tell someine who isnt 10 and is still ace that they didnt actually learn they were ace wyen they were 10.

Then we slide into full lies, nowhere do I even mention "allo kids" or say that its normal for 9 year olds to want or have sex. I said that puberty starts between 9-13, and I said that after puberty people can be interested in sexual stuff. I also said (in the screenshotted part they have in their callout) that obviously its not good and n that I dont think anyone shluld be doing anything sexual until they are at least 16.

This last thing just straight up doesnt make sense. For one, the discussion doesnt gave anything to do with grooming. Someone said someine else was lying about their personal experiences for why they identified as ace at 10, and my point was that they cant decide that person is a liar because they dont think 10 year olds are doing anything sexual. They shouldn't be, but its entirely possible and does happen so unless they literally were in school with that person theres no basis to say the person is lying. But secondly, they acknowledge that I do address the grooming point but not enough for them??? How is that callout worthy???

And then they end this already really thin callout with this...

All in all, this is a poor callout formed from lies and twisting situations. And considering this is coming from Discourse "the AGBT movement" Godzilla its not surprising but holy shit is it annoying to deal with. But yeah. If anyone needs more sources or anything nust let me know. But that pisspoor callout... Yikes

[today-only-happens-once]

Im new to Hamilton and have an idea on the plot but don't fully understand it. Could you help out?

*tries not to immediately start babbling about how much I adore and will defend this show omg* first, understand my sweet anon that I have absolutely zero chill about Hamilton. So you have come to the right place but also be ready for way more information than you probably cared to know. 

Hamilton is a rap/hip-hop opera written by Lin-Manuel Miranda based on the life and death of United States Founding Father, Alexander Hamilton. It features a predominantly minority cast (which is its greatest point of controversy). If you’ve listened to the soundtrack, you have heard all but one scene of the show. It is based on Ron Chernow’s biography, which Miranda read while on vacation. It is hard to briefly summarize the plot, but I’ll do my best. (I kept it as brief but thorough as i could and it was long as heck so I put it under a cut, friend)

The opening number gives us a crash course on Hamilton’s background as an immigrant from the Caribbean. In the beginning of the show, he meets Aaron Burr, Lafayette, John Laurens, and Hercules Mulligan. All of them end up joining the military shortly before the American Revolution breaks out. Once it does, Aaron Burr attempts to win the good graces of Washington only for Washington to request Hamilton to be his right hand man. Hamilton agrees. 

While fighting the war, he meets Angelica and her sister Eliza at a ball. Angelica has a crush on Hamilton but realizes that Eliza likes him too, and on top of that, Angelica is expected to “marry up” since she is the oldest sister. Hamilton is of poor means, so for all kinds of strategic and sad reasons, Angelica decides to take a backseat and lets Hamilton and Eliza meet and fall in love. Eliza and Hamilton get married.

Back at the war, things are falling apart but Hamilton is doing his best to help Washington pull through. But Hamilton is a hothead and impulsive and when a disgraced soldier starts ranting publicly about Washington and blaming him, Hamilton challenges him to a duel (or rather, has his friend Laurens challenge him to a duel). The solider gets shot in the duel and Washington finds out and sends Hamilton home as punishment. This is how Hamilton finds out that Eliza is pregnant. 

BACK AT THE WAR (there’s a lot of back and forth in the first act), Lafayette tells Washington that he has a plan but like, Washington really needs Hamilton yo. So Washington sends a letter and Hamilton goes back to the war-front but now is like “cant be so impulsive i gotta kid on the way”. ANYWAY he helps Lafayette and Washington win the battle of Yorktown which wins the war.

Now, as a side-note, Aaron Burr had fallen in love with the wife of a British soldier. She had his daughter, named Theodosia after her mother, but I think either died or stayed with the British dude so we never get to meet her but we do know Burr has a daughter now.

Also, Washington becomes president.

The show then speeds through a bunch of years following the war effort in one song (”Non-Stop”) in which we learn that Hamilton and Burr both worked as lawyers. During these years also was, of course, the formative years of our government in which the Constitution was getting drafted.  Hamilton works on the Federalist papers to help the Constitution get accepted. Burr refuses to help him with it, but it gets passed anyway and Hamilton is generally showing Burr up left and right. Thus ends Act 1. 

If act 1 is about the war, act 2 is about the politics. Thomas Jefferson shows up from when he’d been in France during the war and is asked to be Secretary of State while Hamilton is asked to be in charge of the Treasury. They show two political debates throughout act 2 that shows how they butt heads: the first being about whether the federal government should “assume states’ debts and establish a national bank” (Hamilton is in favor, Jefferson is against) and the second being about whether or not the US is obligated to assist France with their revolution (Jefferson says yes, Hamilton says no). Hamilton is trying to establish a banking system for the government and do his job but politics are politics and they’re complicated.

Meanwhile, Eliza wants Hamilton to take a break and spend some time with his family but Hamilton is all like “i got sh*t I gotta do” and refuses to take time off. This leads to Eliza going to visit her family for a few weeks upstate but Hamilton stays behind and ends up having an affair with Maria Reynolds. Maria’s husband finds out and basically blackmails Hamilton into giving him money to keep quiet about the ongoing affair. 

Also, Washington decides to not run for President anymore and John Adams takes over.

As political tensions run even more high, Burr, Jefferson, and Madison (who supports Jefferson) figures out that something fishy is going on with Hamilton regarding money. They assume he’s basically taking money from the government and pocketing it for his own benefit. When they confront him about it and accuse him of treason, Hamilton is like “AW NAW IM JUST HAVING AN AFFAIR HERE’S THE EVIDENCE” and they’re like “yikes but a’ight you’re not treasonous i guess and nah we wont tell anyone”. 

Hamilton is afraid they won’t be true to their word, though, and writes the Reynolds Pamphlet basically saying “hey world i had an affair which is bad but i promise i didn’t commit treason”. Eliza finds out and is devastated and angry. 

Now, remember how I mentioned that Hamilton had a baby? Yeah, turns out it was a son. And that son hears someone talking trash about his dad and is like “imma fight you” and challenges the guy to a duel. Hamilton doesn’t want his son to get hurt and tells him to shoot his gun in the air instead of at the other person, and how the other person should do the same if they’re “truly a man of honor”. Duels are mostly about having the guts to show up anyway. 

But WOOPS because the other guy doesn’t shoot in the air, he shoots Hamilton’s son, and the son dies. 

Devastated and grief-stricken, Hamilton and Eliza move upstate and Hamilton… well, just listen to “It’s Quiet Uptown”. I can’t do it justice here (not that I’m doing any of the rest of this show justice with this summary but yanno)

Now the next Presidential election is up and people are actually campaigning now because Burr is tired of not getting what he wants so he decides to go out and get it. So it’s Jefferson vs Burr and the public keeps harassing Hamilton for his opinion. Hamilton backs Jefferson because even though Hamilton has never agreed with him, he appreciates that he’s at least honest and forthright with his opinion whereas Burr never wants to commit to anything. 

Jefferson wins the election.

This pisses Burr off and he challenges Hamilton to a duel. Hamilton agrees. 

He aims his pistol at the sky, just like he told his son.

Burr shoots him, and he dies.

Eliza is the one left behind to tell his story and continue his legacy. 

This ends our show. If you ever want to know more about characters or the controversies of it (I do have strong opinions on those whoops) or just about anything else regarding the show? I am always completely down to talk about it. I’ve written papers on it for college, I got to see it in Chicago a few months ago, I’ve basically memorized the album… I’m a huge Hamilfan. So don’t be afraid to hmu. <3

[captain-vrisrezi]

YIKES okay I'm looking over that call-out and there's ?? So much misinformation??? My EDL isn't a child, he's a full grown ass adult . Don't know WHY people think that. If it's due to his size, I'm literally going off the in game model. He's small, I thought it was cute.

Also I didn't Pressure anyone into sex! If anything, I felt pressured because when they got jealous I liked a friend's character, they wanted to claim me by roleplaying a very Bizarre sex scene where I'm near raped by their character. Of course, at the time, I thought it'd make them happy so I let it and acted like it was my plan!! I!! Didn't want!! To paint them as a rapist at the time??? But now that THEY are trying to do so to ME, I need to fucking stand up for myself and say I wasn't fully into That Shit.

But still, that wouldn't warrant calling them a rapist. I admit it was my fault to act like I was okay with it. I gave my consent and they appeared to as well. Saying it was rape because we regretted it afterwards is a fucking monstrous thing to do. Its insulting to actual rape survivors. We were fully capable of giving consent and we DID.

(not showing screenshots of how you acted during the sexting because that'd be fucked and also no one wants to see how fucking violent you got off the bat.)

Apparently I purposely humiliated them in front of our friends. Well here's some screenshots of them telling me to stop! Apparently... Also, a GODLY piece of advice is when you want somebody to stop doing something? NEVER do this shit??

Roleplaying doesn't make you look serious. You need to put your foot down.

When you want to tell someone no you give a HARD no. Not this "oo,, (I try to resist)" bullcrap.

Don't ever try to blame someone else because YOU YOURSELF CAN'T GIVE ADEQUATE SIGNALS THAT YOURE NOT INTO IT.

Sorry, sorry. Just people who never actually tell me a straight answer make me Fwustwated. There should be communication in a relationship. I get it was their first one, but that doesn't excuse blaming the other party because I couldn't read your mind? Before our relationship they were always very blunt. So of course I thought they'd be straight forward with me!

I already cleared up "misinformation" in the call-out of my own

There's the point where I felt THEY wanted a relationship... So five months. We dated for five months. And you're on my back because of a One Month Difference. Jesus Christ.

As a note, we were both around the same age. There's a lot to be learned, so I don't exactly blame them for feeling they're the victim. I feel that too.

HOWEVER, I CAN blame them for holding onto little details as if that's what made them a victim. Misgendering, yes I understand. But at the time they were comfortable with she/her pronouns and of course when we broke up it's not like I'd keep in touch with them. But little details like my inability to remember the dates of someone I wish to never talk to again? Yeah okay, so awful of me. We were emotionally connected in February. We ended the relationship in August.

Another thing to clear up is that minor posting NSFW thing.

That I've apologized time after time for. It really does make me feel awful that I acted that way and I do everything I can to make up for it. Even if said minor never forgives me for it, I wouldn't either. Even though I was triggered (I say this seriously !! It ties into my abuse as a kid and I would appreciate not joking about it), I should never have acted the way I did. I really do regret that.

In conclusion, here's the absolute NOVEL I had to write because an authoritative figure brought it to my attention. Out of privacy I'm not showing their response. This is purely my word, but if they wish to have this omitted I will remove this and instead rewrite my explanation. For now? I'm too drained to write anymore about my trauma as a kid and how it's affected me. Sorry.