#Inej gives Kaz a teddy bear

[serpentthecrow]

Sleepy time with the crows

the crows(separately) x reader🖤

Summary: just some fluffy headcannons with our favourite gangsters

Warnings : big fluff, cursing, plushies

A/n: wrote this instead of a Jesper confession fic that got deleted. I also included the plushies each of them have, so enjoy!

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Kaz:

One might assume there will not be much to say, it's not true however

If Kaz finds u trustworthy enough to even sleep in the same room with you, consider urself lucky af

Kaz doesn't really sleep much, just for a couple hours, it's assumably another trick of his, how he wakes up

When he ACTUALLY needs sleep, he drinks Camomile tea

I picture Kaz's bedside table is actually a stack of books, and there are several more stacks on the other side of the bed, so he reads quite often

He's genuinely scared to fall asleep due to his nightmares sometimes

After getting comfortable with you, he will slowly inch by inch move your beds closed to eachother everyday, until you notice

Whispers 'fuck u ' to the moon when it shines in his window

Just lays flat on his back and sleeps (how?)

Secretly has a crow plushie he got from Jesper under his bed

Jesper

The biggest cuddle bear ever

He will wrap you up with his arms and legs like a rope, and will not let go even under the use of a fucking crowbar

It's his routine to kiss his revolvers good-night before going to bed

Not before checking himself out in the mirror to look good and ready for a night intruder

REFUSES to buy a bit bigger bed, no matter if your savings could buy a bed that even majesty King Nikolai.*million titles*.. could hardly afford

The secret meaning is that Jes doesn't want you escaping from him to the other side of the big mattress

He'd rather fall off the little cot you have

Forgets to take off his rings

HAS a goat plushie

Inej

Inej is pretty straightforward- lay down, sleep if you can

challenge: try not to stab urself in the eye by the knife she has under her pillow while turning in ur sleep

Could use some protective cuddles if she trusts u

Prays before going to sleep

Bed time= heaven time. Main reason?she lets her hair down when going to sleep

Be prepared to do some careful and slow comforting for her at 1am

U will get urself stabbed if Ur not careful

Light sleeper, can be out like a light tho, after a whole day of climbing roofs

Fuzzy socks.

Has a teddy bear

Nina

U won't fall asleep with her. I swear

Is the type of person to talk and talk and talk about random things for hours

And when u think she's already asleep, ur suddenly hear "I would never kiss a dude who eats dogs"

Eats a ton of food before bed

*cough*like me*cough*

Loves bedtime stories and singing lullabies in Ravkan- recieving or giving, doesn't matter to her

Back tracing

Has an assortment of plushies all around her side of the bed and if one is missing, she will start a war

Sleeps on her stomach

Or on u

Sleeps naked by choice

Cuddly little witch

Matthias

Wrapped around u for 'protective' reasons

Tells u stories, myths and traditional legends from Fierda

Also prays to Djel, even tho he wipes his hands after finishing and exclaims he doesn't have to really

Drinks weird amount of water

Sometimes lays in bed with shoes on - sinner

Never saw a book in his life

Normal duvets? What is that? Did I hear fur?

Wake him up. I dare you. Try it.

Extra vulnerable before bed

Don't make him sad at the time pls

LOVES when it rains at night (I think they all love that, except ONE)

Owns a tiny white wolf plushie, it's under his pillow if u wanna know.

Wylan

Certified cutie

The adorable matching pijama sets he wears

Will probably draw.

No need to say he won't read before bed

The little spoon

Warm milk with honey melted in it is his to go drink for bed(try it, knocks u out)

The bed hair(not so different from his normal hair lol)

Has a dinamite plushie he sleeps with all the time

Is the one who doesn't like when it rains, because what If the rain turns into a thunderstorm?

ABSOLUTELY HATES THUNDERSTORMS

They scare the shit outta him

The sleepy mumbles... Help

whispers good night back and forth with u until one of u fall asleep

fluffy and smol bean

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A/n: Ahh turned out better then I first thought. Lemme know what u think! If you'd like to requests something, my requests are open, please read my pinned post before requesting, there you'll find rules but also the fandoms I write for ❤️❤️

[emjenenla]

If You’re Gone, Maybe It’s Time to Come Home Part Three [a SoC Fanfiction]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Sorry for the outrageous amount of time this update took. College eats up all your time. Also, it turns out Kaz in this mental state is ridiculously hard to write in another character’s POV.

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Part Three

(Inej)

(1)

The Van Eck mansion is full to the brim of members of the Dregs. The irony is thick because a year ago, such people would never have been allowed on the same street.

Inej threads her way through the drinking gang members. They’re laughing and sharing stories. They’ve all been told that the party is to celebrate the Dregs’ rise to prominence as the most powerful gang in Ketterdam; only the Crows and a few extremely trusted others know that the party is actually in honor of Inej’s successes hunting slavers.

Even though the building is full of people, it still feels empty to Inej. The only Crows there aside from her are Jesper and Wylan. Kaz hasn’t yet appeared, and Matthias’s death still weighs heavily on her, not to mention the fact that it has caused Nina to drop off the face of the world. Inej has no idea where her friend is and no one has heard from her in months.

Inej has tried everything to find Nina, even picking Kaz’s brain in their coded letters (if anyone knows where Nina is, it’s him). However, it’s been months since Kaz mentioned anything even semi-personal in his letters. They were always impersonal, but since her last visit to Ketterdam, he hasn’t bothered to do anything but send her lists of information. She’s starting to think he’s still sulking about the talking-to she gave him the last time they saw each other. That bothers her, because while Kaz is totally capable of holding a grudge for a couple months (after all, he managed to hold one on Pekka Rollins for years), he’s never stayed mad at her for this long before.

(2)

It’s at least ten bells when she finally admits that she’s worried. This isn’t like Kaz. She’d thought that he’d at least show his face, even if that was only because Jesper and Wylan or Anika and Keeg dragged him along.

She eventually seeks out Anika who is sitting at a table playing a good-natured card game with Pim, Keeg, Dirix and Roeder while Rotty and a couple other high-ranking Dregs look on. They all look up when Inej steps up.

“’Lo, Wraith,” Dirix says. “Welcome back. You staying for good this time?”

“Please don’t,” Roeder says with a good-natured smile to show he’s joking. “I like my job, and I don’t want you to steal it back.”

“No, I’m not staying,” Inej says. “Just stopping by for a visit. If you enjoy scrambling over every dirty, smelly crevasse of this city doing Kaz’s bidding, you’re more than welcome to it.” The instant the words come out of her mouth she feels guilty; she had never minded being Kaz’s spider, even when he was in a mood.

Still the Dregs laugh. They are all high enough in the ranks to have personally dealt with Kaz enough to know just how frustrating putting up with his opaque orders and unfathomable schemes could be.

When the laughter dies Inej moves on to the real reason she came over by them. “Where is Kaz by the way? I know he doesn’t like parties, but I haven’t seen him at all since I got back.”

The table goes silent. The Dregs look back and forth at each other like they’re trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Inej’s stomach clenches with a familiar sense of apprehension, one that she’s been getting when she reads Kaz’s letters for months. It’s a subtle hint that something isn’t right, but she can’t for the life of her figure out what it is.

After a moment, Anika pushes back her chair and gives her cards to Rotty. “If you make me lose, I’ll end you,” she threatens, then stands up. “Come on, Ghafa,” she says in what Inej can only assume is her lieutenant’s voice. “Let’s have a chat.”

(3)

They step out into the hallway and Anika paces to the end to look out at the garden, arms crossed.

“Anika,” Inej ventures stepping up alongside her. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Kaz?”

“I don’t know,” Anika says, slowly and precisely, like saying each word hurts.

“What do you mean?” Inej asks.

“He’s missing,” Anika says. “No one’s seen him in days.”

“What?” Inej can’t help it, she yells. “Why aren’t you looking for him?”

“We are!” Anika’s voice raises too. “But Ketterdam’s a big place and we don’t know where half his boltholes are. To be honest, he could still be holed up in his rooms in the Slat since no one actually saw him leave. No one answers when we knock, but the door’s locked, like, really locked.” She gives Inej a significant look.

Inej nods. Kaz has more locks on his door than any person should ever need, but he rarely uses all of them because several can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. He wouldn’t have gone through that much trouble if he was just going out. “Have you tried the windows?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Anika says. “We sent Mina up the morning after we lost track of him. The windows are all locked. To make matters worse, each one’s fitted with multiple Schuyler locks. Aside from Kaz there’s only a handful of people in the gang who can pick those, and none of them are capable of getting up on that roof without killing themselves.”

Inej bites her lip. She doesn’t know what to say. This doesn’t sound like Kaz at all. She tries to decide how likely it is that he just found an intriguing job and doesn’t like the odds. “Do you think he’s on a job?”

Anika growls low in the back of her throat, and Inej looks at her. “What?”

“You haven’t been around these past couple months, Ghafa,” Anika says. “Something’s not right with him. Hasn’t been in months, but it’s gotten worse since the last time you were here. I don’t know what kind of lover’s squabble the two of you had, but while you’ve been out there gallivanting around the ocean, we’ve been here dealing with him.”

Inej opens her mouth to protest that she’s doing a lot more than gallivanting, but stops herself because she’s not sure if Anika’s on the list of people who have been trusted with the true nature of her mission.

“Pim and I are basically running the Dregs,” Anika admits, calming down. “Brekker barely does anything anymore. I don’t think he’s realized we’ve noticed, though I’m not sure how that’s possible. He’s not very aware of anything. He spends a lot of time just staring blankly off into space. He’s not scheming, but I can’t figure out what he’s actually thinking about.”

Inej doesn’t know what to say. The idea of Kaz not pulling his own weight and leading the gang he bled for for so long is ludicrous. She can’t wrap her mind around it.

“So far, only the inner circle knows exactly how bad it is,” Anika says. She sounds exhausted. “That means me, Pim, Keeg, Dirix, Rotty, Roeder and Mina. We’re trying to keep it from going farther than that, but we’re running out of time. There are low-ranking members of the Dregs who are personally loyal to Kaz, but the majority of them are only loyal to the idea of him—of Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel. When they figure out what’s going on…”

She doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t need to. Inej knows the Barrel well enough to know what Anika was going to say. If word gets out that Kaz is weak the very gang that has followed him so ravenously will turn on him just like they turned on Per Haskell. If that happens, Kaz will be lucky to escape with his life.

The thought is terrifying.

“What happened before he went missing?” Inej asks Anika, trying to push the conversation away from the horrible idea of Kaz’s possibly imminent fall.

Anika sighs. “You’d do best to ask Espen that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hard to say,” Anika says. “All I know is that the night we lost track of the boss, he was supposed to go out to do some scouting with the spiders. He didn’t show up for hours. Roeder and Mina were just going to go without him, but Espen got angry and stalked upstairs. After a couple minutes he came down and said that-” she cuts herself off. “You know, you probably should talk to Espen about that, I’m not even sure I understand what went on.”

(5)

It takes Inej the better part of an hour to located Espen in the swirling mass of humanity in the Van Eck house. She’s just starting to wonder if he left without telling anyone when she runs into Mina. The young spider is more than happy to point her in Espen’s direction.

“I saw him over by the food,” she says. “Sulking probably; he hates parties.”

Inej threads through the crowd to the location specified. Espen is seated on a couch, crushed between the arm and a couple older members of the Dregs. He is clutching a plate of hors d'oeuvres and looks murderous, but he’s still there. If Kaz had been in his position, he’d have broken someone’s jaw and fled upstairs where there are less people by now.

Espen doesn’t notice her approach him, and Inej makes a mental note to tell Kaz to teach his spiders to be more observant. She waltzes up to Espen and snaps her fingers in front of his face.

He glares at her, overgrown mop of straw-colored hair falling into his angry blue eyes. Sometimes Inej looks at him and thinks that this must have been what Kaz had been like at age eleven, but other times she thinks that Kaz and Espen are only superficially alike. There is something almost theatrical about Espen’s anger, like he’s playing a part or seeking attention. She can’t imagine careful, calculating, brilliant Kaz ever acting like that.

“Wha’ do you want?” Espen asks in a low, gruff voice that might be a poor attempt at mimicking Kaz’s rasp.

“Just a chat,” Inej says and beckons with a finger. “Let’s go someplace quieter.”

(5)

She leads him into an upstairs parlor and locks the door behind them. He stands in the middle of the room, his arms crossed. “I’m waiting,” he says.

Inej rolls her eyes. “Drop the act. You’re not a hotshot. You’re just a kid.”

“I’m one of Kaz Brekker’s trusted spiders,” Espen says puffing his chest out. “I am one of the most important members of the Dregs.”

“Yes, and I’m the Wraith,” Inej says. “Do we really want to start throwing titles and accomplishments around?”

Espen visibly deflates. He either didn’t recognize her (which doesn’t make sense because she’s given him and the other spiders some tips during her visits in Ketterdam) or he was hoping she wouldn’t call him out on his bravado (much more likely). “What do you want?” he asks.

“Anika said that you and Kaz got in a fight a couple days ago,” Inej says.

“Yeah,” Espen says. “Happens all the time. Why does it matter?” There’s now something cagey about his body language. He’d rather not be talking about this.

“Why don’t you tell me about it,” Inej suggests, using the gentle, soothing voice she’s cultivated to put rescued slaves at ease.

She expects Espen to argue, but he grasps onto her offer to listen almost frantically. Whatever happened between him and Kaz has been weighing on his mind and he desperately wants to talk about it.

“I’m not a spider anymore,” he says.

That was not how she expected him to begin this conversation. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“I got fired,” Espen says, his voice is angry, but matter-of-fact in the way that only Barrel rats seem to be able to manage. As if bad things are something to be expected and taken when they come. “After the argument. Boss says he doesn’t want to see me ever again.”

That is odd. Inej has never known Kaz to tell someone he never wants to see them again. Loathe as she is to admit it, normally when he gets to that point he simply kills the person in question to ensure he doesn’t have to deal with them anymore. “What happened?” she asks slowly.

Espen shrugs, evasive anger back again. “I dunno. Brekker’s been really stupid lately.”

That sets off even more alarms in Inej’s head. She has never, ever heard the word “stupid” used in the same sentence as “Kaz Brekker.” “What do you mean?” she asks cautiously.

For a second Espen looks confused then nervous. “If Anika didn’t say anything, then maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Tell me,” Inej presses, shoving away the hurt at the idea that Anika might be keeping things from her. She and Anika aren’t exactly friends, but they’re not enemies either. Plus, Anika holds a position in the Dregs similar to the one that Kaz did when Haskell was general (albeit, with much less actual power). Of all the members of the Dregs, she’s the closest to Kaz and might be the only one who has a firm grasp on how serious Inej’s relationship with Kaz is. “Kaz is my friend,” she continues ignoring the voice that screams that she and Kaz are way past the “just friends” point. “If there’s something going on with him; I need to know about it.”

Espen sighs then relents and begins his story. Inej listens with growing shock as he relates his confrontation with Kaz. She recognizes the Kaz’s behavior because she has seen them in people she rescues from slavers. She has seen people who lash out at every perceived threat, who see such behavior as the only way to protect themselves from a world that has turned its back on them. She has just never applied them to Kaz.

“I don’t know what was wrong with him,” Espen finishes looking confused. “Is he sick?”

“He’ll be fine,” Inej says because she doesn’t feel like trying to explain trauma to a Barrel kid who has been raised in a community that refuses to acknowledge anything but strength. “Do you know where he went after your argument?”

Espen shrugs. “Dunno. I didn’t see him go anywhere.”

“Okay,” Inej says taking a deep breath in an effort to contain her thoughts. “Thank you.”

(6)

She approaches the Slat the way she always has; by the roofs. She isn’t sure that she truly believes Kaz will be there, but she isn’t sure where else to start so she decides to take her chances.

The window she always entered Kaz’s room through, the window she often sat in feeding the crows, is closed with a dark curtain pulled down behind it. It takes her upwards of twenty minutes to figure out how to pick the Schuyler locks, but when she finally does she pulls the window open, pushes aside the curtain and steps inside.

The room is dark and cluttered which is strange because for all his money Kaz owns very little and keeps what he does in impeccable order. Now there are clothes and weapons strewn across the floor. As Inej steps inside she accidently steps on a sheet of paper that is scrawled over on both sides in Kaz’s handwriting. A number of other sheets of paper are spread across the rest of the floor like someone threw them.

She’s just reaching the conclusion that someone must have broken into Kaz’s room and ransacked it when she realizes the room is not empty. There’s a teenage boy-sized lump in the bed and on closer investigation she realizes it’s Kaz.

She knows that Kaz sleeps on his side, curled into the fetal position with his back pressed up against the nearest wall, but she has never seen him take it quite this far. He’s curled up so tightly that he’s almost in a legitimate ball. She knows that’s bad for his leg; he’ll be lucky if he can stand let alone walk when he gets up. His coal gray blanket is pulled up so that only his hair is visible. He isn’t using a pillow and after a second she realizes that’s because he’s clutching it to his chest like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning in a stormy ocean.

“Kaz?” she asks her voice nervous. “Kaz.” He doesn’t stir so she crosses the room trying to step around the papers incase they’re important. When she reaches his side, she kneels down next to him. “Kaz.” She says a little louder, reaching out and pulling the blanket away from his face, careful not to touch any skin. “Kaz, wake up.”

He shifts slightly, but doesn’t straighten or release his death grip on the pillow. One eye cracks open just slightly then closes again and he buries his face in the pillow.

“Kaz,” she repeats. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

He moves again, just slightly and mutters something, but the words are rendered incomprehensible by the pillow.

“Kaz!” her voice is rising panic now, she grasps his blanket-covered shoulder and shakes him. “Look at me!”

(7)

As always, the physical contact gets a response from him. He bats her hands away with a motion that is a little more haphazard than it usually would be. His eyes open and he looks at her like he can’t decide if she’s actually there. “Inej?” he asks after a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Inej says. “Why aren’t you at Jesper and Wylan’s party?”

Kaz looks away. “I’m not going,” he says.

“Yes, I’d kind of figured that out,” she says perhaps a bit sharper than she intended to. She takes a deep breath and changes her tone before she goes on. “Are you still angry at me for the last time I was here?” he doesn’t say anything so she pushes onward. “Anika said you’ve been missing for a couple days. Are you okay?”

No answer.

“Kaz,” she presses. “Are you okay?”

Still no answer. He won’t even look at her.

“Kaz!” she shouts. He jumps which might have actually been funny under different circumstances. “Enough of this. Are You Okay?” She isn’t even sure why she’s continuing on this line of questioning when he pretty obviously not okay and she knows that if she does convince him to talk he’ll just lie. Perhaps she just wants the reassurance of knowing that he’s at least okay enough to lie to her.

If that’s what she wants she doesn’t get it, because Kaz says nothing. He just keeps looking away, eyes vacant and dead.

Just like their argument on the roof. She’d thought how silent he’d been then was wrong. They’ve argued before, but Kaz has never been quiet and listened. When Kaz is in an argument he lays into the other person with every ounce of cruel intelligence he possesses. Before that night, Inej had never won an argument with him. She should have known right away that something was wrong, but she’d been too angry and too high on her own victory to notice.

“Kaz,” Her voice softens, almost pleading. “What’s wrong?”

Finally he looks back at her, his eyes are still dead in a way that looks nothing like the Bastard of the Barrel. “Nothing,” he says. “I’m fine.”

Even though she was expecting this she can’t help but sigh. “Tell me the truth, Kaz.”

“I was sleeping,” Kaz says in a tone of voice that’s a little too flat for his defensive words. “Nothing more.”

“It’s ten thirty,” she points out.

He raises an eyebrow. “All kinds of people go to bed before that.”

“Not you,” Inej points out. It’s true; going to bed at midnight constitutes as early for Kaz Brekker. “Come on, Kaz.”

“I’m fine,” he says. “Leave me alone and let me sleep.”

Then he curls up on the bed again with his back facing her.

(8)

She can’t get him to start talking to her again, no matter how much she pleads. When she tries shaking him again he just shoves her off and pulls the blanket over his head.

Eventually she realizes that she’s unlikely to get any response from him. She’s going to be stuck waiting for the unlikely possibility that he’ll relent and tell her what’s wrong. She stands up. “I’m going to clean up this room a little,” she told him. “I’ll be right here if you decide you want to talk.”

Kaz doesn’t answer.

Inej sighs and sets to work on the mess Kaz has made. There’s an empty whiskey bottle lying on the floor and when she picks it up she realizes that it’s that super expensive whiskey she and Kaz stole once. Trust Kaz not to get drunk on something cheap.

She throws the bottle away, then turns to the papers spread out across the floor. After she picks up a couple she realizes they’re part of a letter. It takes her the better part of fifteen minutes to gather them all up and figure out what order they go in, but then her curiosity gets the better of her and she starts to read.

(9)

What she reads horrifies her.

If it wasn’t Kaz’s handwriting she would have thought someone else wrote it. The words don’t sound like Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker isn’t this open. He doesn’t talk like this. Kaz Brekker does not display this kind of abject self-hatred. Yet at the same time she knows that this horrible, untrue letter is Kaz and she knows that this is how he feels. This is what she abandoned him to without even realizing it.

She knew he had a lot armor, but she realizes now she may have given her understanding a bit too much credit. She had thought that she saw Kaz completely through the eyes of the almost eighteen year old woman she is now, but she realizes she was wrong. Somewhere inside of her a tiny portion of the fifteen year old girl she had been when Kaz rescued her from the Menagerie has been hanging on skewing her viewing of him. Back then she saw Kaz as something powerful and immortal, something strong enough to rise above the filth of Ketterdam, something that could make the monsters pay. That was what had drawn her to him in the beginning; the promise that perhaps, just perhaps he could make her something like that too.

Over the years that view of Kaz had started to die as she realized that Ketterdam took something from everyone, realized she did not need to be a monster. She’d also realized that Kaz was no demon, no immortal being, he was just a boy who had suffered trauma every bit as great as hers.

If Inej was honest with herself, Kaz had done more than just buy her indenture; he was why she wasn’t like some of the blank-eyed people she pulls out of slaver holds. From the instant she’d left the Mangerie, she’d never had the chance to sink into the blackness of her own despair because Kaz had always been there pushing her to move climb a little faster, hit a little harder, to be more than that girl who’d been sold in the brothels. He had saved her, even if he’d never intended to, even if he hadn’t even realized he was doing it. She had owed him the same, and she’d failed.

She sits on the floor and presses her forehead against her knees. She’d left Ketterdam thinking that she didn’t need Kaz anymore. That is at least kind of true; she no longer relies on him to determine her identity the she once did. She’s her own person with her own goals in her reach, but she’d forgotten to wonder whether Kaz needs her more than she needs him.

She turns to him. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to him, but she knows that she needs to say something. “Kaz…” she whispers. He doesn’t respond, but his shoulders aren’t as tight as they were before so she thinks he’s fallen back to sleep.

She carefully pulls the blanket back around his shoulders so it’s no longer covering his face. Then she carefully steps towards the window. She isn’t sure what she needs to do to fix this and the only thing she can think of is that the only food Kaz keeps in his rooms is dry, gross stuff that doesn’t spoil. Food is like a bandage on a gaping wound, but it is something she can do right now.

Before she leaves she thinks about trying to find all Kaz’s knives and lock them up. She doesn’t know if Kaz will try to hurt himself, but she also knows that she’s unlikely to find all the knives he has hidden. She decides she’s better off just moving quickly and hoping to be back before he wakes up.

She takes one last look at his crumpled form and leaps out the window.

(10)

Her first stop is at the Van Eck mansion. She writes a note to Anika saying that she’s found Kaz, and one to Jesper and Wylan saying that something has come up and that she’ll make it up to them later. She doesn’t mention anything about the kind of shape Kaz is in. She’s not going to tell anyone about what’s going on without his blessing.

She gives the letters to one of the servants then sneaks into the kitchens. She makes off with some meat and vegetables because it will be easier than finding a shop to break into. She’ll pay Jesper and Wylan back later.

After leaving the mansion she stops by the Wraith to grab a few things. This only takes a few minutes and the crewmember on watch doesn’t even notice that she’s there. She makes a mental note to give her crew a talking to about how to be on guard duty, but right now she has bigger problems.

As she heads back to the Slat she passes by the small toy shop where she got the stuffed crow she gave to Alby Rollins before she left Ketterdam. She picks the simple lock on the backdoor and lets herself in. The shop is just as small and quaint as it was the last time she was here. She remembers belatedly that she’d promised the owner she’d convince Kaz to put this shop under Dregs protection in exchange for making the crow toy in a matter of hours. She’d forgotten in the whirlwind of preparations for her voyage. She renews that promise to herself as she looks at the wares spread out around the dark shop. She should not get in the habit of breaking her promises.

She wanders through the store looking at all the cute, fluffy stuffed toys. She isn’t exactly sure why she came here, but she feels like she needs to be here.

Eventually she stops before a rack of stuffed bears. She had a bear toy as a child. She remembers hugging it to her chest and feeling safe. She wonders briefly what happened to it when she got too old to want it anymore. Suddenly she hopes her parents didn’t get rid of it. She would like to see it again.

As she runs her fingers along the shelves of stuffed bears she wonders if Kaz ever had a toy like this. She has spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out exactly where Kaz came from. She knows that at some point in his life someone must have cared for him--he would have died as an infant if he’d been completely abandoned from the moment he was born--but she hasn’t been able to figure out who. She knows Kaz had a brother, but she doesn’t even know what his name was let alone how much older he was. Perhaps this older brother raised Kaz in the Barrel and then ran afoul of Pekka Rollins.

The only person who could answer her questions is Kaz and he’s so close-lipped about himself that it’s honestly a miracle he admitted he even had a brother. She wishes she could convince him to talk to her. She wants to help him, and talking always helps.

She shakes herself. She’s not helping Kaz by sitting in a toy shop and leaving him all alone. She starts to leave, then pauses and turns back to the rack of bears. She suddenly becomes aware of the idea that has been forming in her mind the entire time she’s been in this shop. She’s fully aware it might be a terrible idea and that he might refuse it at best and assume she’s mocking him at worst, but she feels like it’s something she needs to do.

She chooses to a medium-sized bear with a soft, cuddly body; silky, caramel-colored fur and a sweet, reassuring face that doesn’t have any uncomfortable wires in it. She sets the tag on the shop counter along with twice the kruge the owner is charging and slides the bear into a bag she took from Jesper and Wylan’s.

She leaves the shop, locking the door carefully behind her. Then she takes a deep breath, collects herself and takes to the rooftops for the journey back to the Slat.

--

That teddy bear is probably the one concession to fluff you’ll get out of me. I read a headcanon post on Tumblr once where Inej wins a stuffed animal in a throwing contest and gives it to Kaz, and ever since I’ve been sort of obsessed with the idea.

One more part left. Hopefully it will get out soon, but I’ll make no promises.

Thank you for reading!

Emjen

[souless-magnolia]

 I'm in love w/ that fan art💞

I know many will maybe find my fascination for them as akward and bizarre. But I see a portion of love in Nina & Matthias. 

{It’s pretty long, but if you read it all know that I love you🌈❤}

Hear me out: 

1) The Bear (with a sweet heart) & The waffle lover (litterally portraying me): usually judging each other for past mistakes. However, away from people’s opinion they got to know each other better. Matthias falling for Nina is actually genuine. He was thaught from an early age that the Grisha were evil. Once he met Nina, he realized that these could have been lies. Same for Nina: she is naturally sarcastic, but has such a beautiful personality. 

2) “Rewrite the stars by Anne-Marie & James Arthur”: for me this song fits. It just let me wonder of how amazingly those (fictional) beings could have blossomed if the world didn’t lied to them. Individually Nina gives me the vibes of “Lover like me by Lee Chaerin” and Matthias gives me the vibes of any “Sam Fischer”’s songs. Cos he’s just genuinely a wholesome giant teddy bear (even if he’s a murderer i know). I would love to hug him♥.

3) Leigh Bardugo’s gift: In my opinion, she just made me believe in true love. Trough the highs and downs of the SoC’s characters ("Kaz-Inej" & “Jesper-Wylan” & “Matthias-Nina”). She showed me that even in the pits of hell, I would ask for the best for the one I love. I’m before all for Kanej, yet Matthias & Nina really strenghtened my admiration for Leigh Bardugo’s writing skills. 

3) Not the one: I don’t believe that they were made for each other, or that they’re soulmates. From my point of view, there is not such thing as “the one”: you build that relationship. You take care of it. You just do your best to maintain it, right? And even if I do prefere the books, I really liked the symbiosis between the actors (Danielle Galligan & Calahan Skogman). For once, I do like the cinematisation of a book, I’m eager to watch season 2. 

Anyway, thank you. I got so many reasons to express my love about them, but it would become a book. So, have a good day, lovely dove. 💛🦋

[kismetzvezda]

SO I READ CROOKED KINGDOM AND MATTHIAS ****

AND ALL I KEEP THINKING ABOUT IS MY BOY MY BEAUTIFUL GRUMPY STUBBORN TEDDY BEAR HIMBO WITH A HEART OF GOLD:

1) letting an abused wolf bite him and saying “even if you hurt me I won’t hurt you” and then the wolf goes with him and right as he proudly claims his new pet companion bb he PASSES TF OUT FROM THE BLOODLOSS LIKE A WHOLESOME SMOL HUFFLEPUFF FJERDAN GIANT 😭😭😭😭

2) Him blushing with every innuendo and not getting it 😭

3) Him leading his own mini Grisha army and having this epiphany where he connects his God to the Grishas and redefined his entire cause THE MATURITY AND CHARACTEE DEVELOPMENT 😭😭😭

4) His infamous SCOWL that even Inej claims to have missed 😭😭😭 big soft grumpy babie

5) Him just MOODILY CHUCKING coins at the Fjerdan peasants 😭😭😭😭

6) “my ghost won’t associate with your ghosts”

7) him giving CPR to Kaz all the while fully acknowledging he should really just let him die tbh

8) HIM LOVING EVERY INCH OF NINA AND JUST BEING HAPPY SHE IS NEXT TO HIM AND SHE IS EATING WE LOVE A BODY POSITIVE KING 😭😭😭😭 THEY WERE TWIN SOULS LEAVE ME ALONE-

9) Him being UTTERLY ENRAPTURED at seeing Nina in those ugly Fjerdan wools 😭😭😭

TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT HIM RUNNING TO SEE HER ONE LAST TIME WHEN KSKDKDKRKTKRWKRKTKF

SIX OF CROWS FANDOM HELP ME PLEASE. Help me reach the beautiful denial stage u all seem to live in because I cannot deal with this one I CANT I CANT

[leah-jeffries]

I know that The Broke and The Bookish are taking a break from their Top Ten Tuesday prompts, so I'll go ahead and wing it until they return! Top Ten Tuesday is a feature originated by TBATB that features a list of whatever fits the prompt for that week. Since it's start, so many bloggers have taken part and shared their own lists. So if you have your own Top Ten feature, we would love to read it. For this week, we'll be doing Top Ten OTPs. 

In no particular order:

Elias Veturius/Laia of Serra from Sabaa Tahir's Ember Quartet Even as I write out their names, my heart is in so much pain because I love them too much. I have not shipped this hard since SHADOW AND BONE and that is saying something. There is just something about Elias and Laia's relationship that just hits all the good parts of my emotional psyche. Or maybe it's because the writing for these books are so flippin' superb that the romance is automatically amazing. Obviously, their relationship is not at the forefront of these books, but there is enough to tease me to curling up into a ball after I've finished a new book. I love that they come from different places, but have so much in common. And I appreciate that they have endured so much on their own and do not rely on each other, but they do strengthen one another. Now that their paths have become so different at the end of A TORCH AGAINST THE NIGHT, I know that I will be destroyed by any moments that they sure in subsequent books. 

Malyen Oretsev/Alina Starkov from Leigh Bardugo's Shadow and Bone Talk about original OTPs...I know that this will be controversial for some people because of course, the other side of things is Alina and the Darkling and who doesn't love being seduced by the Darkling? -swoons- I will admit that I enjoy Alina/The Darkling as much as everyone else but at the end of the day, I think my heart lies with Mal and Alina because they get a bittersweet ending and it just made my heart ache at how melancholy things became for both of them and yet, they always had one another. I know that Mal has had his flaws and probably doesn't deserve Alina, but good gosh, their chemistry was lovely for me. I know that some other people didn't see it - they saw more steam from Alina and the Darkling, but there was an innocence and a tenderness to Mal and Alina's friendship and relationship that made me fall in love with them as a couple. Man, when RUIN AND RISING came out and I read it, I was just so freaking happy. I am glad that they got a semblance of a happy ending.

Cress Darnell/Carswell Throne from Marissa Meyer's The Lunar Chronicles CRESSWELL gives me life. I seriously love the dynamic of Cress/Thorne because they make each other better without all the drama. Plus they're so cute together with all of Thorne's quippy lines and Cress just doing what she does best, which is be a badass computer wizard.

Kate Harker/August Flynn from Victoria Schwab's Monsters of Verity Kate and August were a surprise for me. Their relationship was very much in the backdrop of the Monsters of Verity plot and for very good cause. There was just so much that needed to be told about their worlds and I really appreciated the little moments of intimacy and tenderness they shared with one another. I'm sure there are people who have said they have no chemistry or are nothing more than friends, but when two characters are pitted in a conflict that these two are, it's so very hard for me not to ship them. I think they were both poetically and tragically written and to show their vulnerabilities to one another just leaves me wanting. How can I not ship a couple that is like that? Kestrel Trajan/Arin from Marie Rutkoski's The Winner's Trilogy Do you know that when someone is playing a stringed instrument in some classical piece and then there's that epic crescendo and then the single bouncing pluck of the bow against the string that echos? I feel like that perfectly describes Kestrel and Arin for me. I think they have such a theatrical and dramatic way about them, but yet their romance is so subtle and lovely as it developed throughout the trilogy. Both of them came from very similar beginnings but Arin did not remain in the same place that Kestrel was born into and despite a war breaking between them, they were still able to come together by the end. And oh my gosh, how can you not love a couple that giggles about playing piano and singing together? It's just such a wonderful thought. 

Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa from Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows Duology I remember a brief time when Kaz and Inej suffocated me with the turmoil of their angsty relationship, especially after what happened in Six of Crows. I just wanted them to be together, these tough little children, and squish them against my chest. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR? I just wanted them to have their happy endings with a butt ton of kruge and the Barrel at their beckoning AS KING AND QUEEN. Plus, like all couples, they had some amazing dialogue exchanges that ripped me to pieces. 

Feyre Acheron/Rhysand from Sarah J. Maas's A Court of Thorns and Roses Series They were my first ever steam couple and damn, they got me going. -fans self- I feel like Maas is really known for being able to write intimate scenes with her characters (see THRONE OF GLASS) and when Rhysand and Feyre had their first meeting, I remember all the steam and sparks that rose from their interaction. And it just built from there. And I think it can be safely said how much people loved A COURT OF MIST AND FURY, considering how central their relationship was in the story. They were just so memorable to me and it didn't hurt that he oozed the sex appeal. -heart eyes-

Lara Jean Song/Peter Kavinsky from Jenny Han's To All The Boys I've Loved Before Trilogy Talk about the epitome of a contemporary romance. I remember how much I fell in love with TATBILB and how there was Asian representation in the MC and obviously, Peter Kavinsky. I don't know what it was about him besides the fact that he was a big ol' geeky teddy bear underneath his air of popularity. I feel like he just represented that typical popular boy that all the girls, ALLLL THE GIRLS, had a crush on when they were in high school. I love how he was with Kitty and their father. And I love how they both helped each other grow into the better parts of themselves. 

Linh Cinder and Emperor Kaito from Marissa Meyer's The Lunar Chronicles Well, I feel like a Cinderella retelling is self explanatory if we're talking about Cinder and Kai. Marissa Meyer could have made their relationship full of stinky cheese and cliche, but she definitely did justice to her original characters. I loved watching Cinder kick butt with her brain and Kai with his diplomacy when dealing with the enemy. Their relationship was not something that I would call topsy-turvy or dramatic, but it did just have an ease about it that made me rather happy. Plus, how could you say no to Cinderella and her prince? Geez. 

Lara Jean Song/Peter Kavinsky from Jenny Han's To All The Boys I've Loved Before Trilogy Talk about the epitome of a contemporary romance. I remember how much I fell in love with TATBILB and how there was Asian representation in the MC and obviously, Peter Kavinsky. I don't know what it was about him besides the fact that he was a big ol' geeky teddy bear underneath his air of popularity. I feel like he just represented that typical popular boy that all the girls, ALLLL THE GIRLS, had a crush on when they were in high school. I love how he was with Kitty and their father. And I love how they both helped each other grow into the better parts of themselves. 

Lila Bard/Kell Maresh from V.E. Schwab's Shades of Magic OH THIS IS THE EPITOME OF SLOW BURNS. I find it incredibly astonishing and awing when an author can completely immerse her readers in the story enough that when romance happens that it is just a sweet treat of a surprise. I found that in Schwab's writing pattern and I seriously applaud her for it - if I were to ever aspire to write like someone, it would be her. I loved the development that she put into both Lila and Kell and how they seem to be the complete opposite of one another. They exist as such strong characters and together, they're just as good, but at the same time, I could feel that they were one another's weaknesses as well but not in the way that's traditional. If an enemy were to use one of them against the other, I think it would just drive them harder, but around each other specifically...it's like that quote from Richelle Mead - "Ah, those two. In a fight, they're lethal. Around each other, they melt.' I don't think any words were ever truer than these when talking about Kell and Lila.

[booksareawayoflife]

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

‘KAZ BREKKER and his crew have just pulled off the most daring heist imaginable.

But instead of divvying up a fat reward, they’re fighting for their lives.

Double-crossed and badly weakened, they’re low on resources, allies and hope.

While a war rages on the city’s streets, the team’s fragile loyalties are stretched to breaking point.

Kaz and his crew will have to make sure they’re on the winning side... no matter what the cost.’

 Book Review: no spoilers

I enjoyed Crooked Kingdom, more than Six of Crows. This book varied between a 4/5 and a 5/5, but it was almost consistently a 5/5. The second half was more entertaining, and gripping, than the first half. Wylan, Jesper, and Nina have more backstory, which I loved. All of the characters have changed since the event of Six of Crows, and it’s nice to see the consequences. I also loved the humour, and the banter in this book. It is more humorous than Six of Crows, because the six main characters have changed from a group of people in it for themselves, to a crew. My favourite character was still Kaz, but that is just because he brings the drama, and figuratively punching in the air moments. The other five are just as great.

Nonetheless, there are some faults with this book. Some of the characters were still underdeveloped after 1000 pages. The ending was not as satisfying as I would have hoped. I did enjoy the ending, but I think if Crooked Kingdom was longer, it could have tied up the questions I had in the end. Yet, I think the ending is meant to be a bit vague for some of the characters. Either to set up other potential books, or for the reader to fill the rest in. I did wish that the book started where Six of Crows left off, too keep the pace, instead of slowing it down. But the book does pick up quite quickly.

Overall, I give this book 10/10 or 5/5. I liked this book more than Six of Crows, because the characters, and the world was more developed. Also, the plot was more complicated, it wasn’t just surrounding the prison break. I would recommend this series to lovers of the Shadow and Bone trilogy, or young adult fantasy. I love the entire Grisha universe, and I hope that there are more books in this universe. Great book, would recommend.

 *SPOILERS*

This section will be my spoiler-y thoughts. So if you don’t want to know them, look at something else.

Weirdly, I liked the fact that Nina was still suffering from the effects of Jurda Parem. It showed a consequence to her actions, that I’ve rarely seen in young adult books, and added depth to her character. I also liked the fact that it changed her power. I was disappointed in her departure from this book, and Ketterdam, because you don’t know what happened next. Other than she left. I was also disappointed in Matthias’s death. I was sad that he died, and that he and Nina won’t be able to shake up Fjerda and Ravka. But I didn’t cry. And it is such an easy thing for me to cry when reading books or watching movies. I just didn’t connect with his death. Most likely, more pages dedicated to his death, or Nina mourning him more, would have made me cry. It just annoyed me that Matthias’s death was not that well executed.

Talking about the ending, I don’t like how the rest of the five, Wylan, Jesper, Kaz, Inej and Nina, split up. I know that they all were planning to split up, but it was just sad. You know that Wylan and Jesper are together, but Jesper will eventually go back to his father. You don’t know if that is permanent, or a visit, or with Wylan. You know that Inej is planning on going to Os Kervo/Ravka, yet she reunites with her parents in the end, and she sort of has a romantic ending with Kaz. So you don’t know if she leaves Ketterdam with her parents, or if Kaz joins her. You have no idea if Nina makes Fjerda, or what she plans to do next. So there is a lot of questions, when the book ends.

With Kaz and Inej, I loved how far Kaz would go for Inej, and what he does for her. Inej makes Kaz less of a monster, and more of a teddy bear.

I loved seeing Tamar, Zoya, Genya, and Nikolai. I wish they were in the book a tiny bit more. I wanted to know what happened to them since Ruin and Rising.

That’s all!

Love Lou xx