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#It is better to support someone (if you can) than to pressure them into taking money from the trillion-dollar corporation
twilight-deviant · 18 days
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Telling content creators it's wrong to explore artistic freedom and be independently funded by fans, and they should instead continue taking advertisement revenue from google* is
NOT
the anti-capitalism stance actually.
*(Yes, google owns youtube.)
#Watcher#This post is specifically and exclusively about the people who seem to have the capitalism bit wrong#It's almost fascinating how no one is hearing themselves speak#I feel like some of you don't understand WHY we support small businesses and are anti-monopoly#I've seen multiple posts saying “Shane is so anti-capitalism there's no way this was his idea.”#So... you think it's pro-capitalism to start your own business instead of relying on pennies from the exploitative mega-corporation?#Guys... we support small businesses KNOWING it will cost the consumer more#Stop thinking you're entitled to someone's product#That's what got us in this mess#I understand $6 is a lot for many many people but that is what makes certain things a luxury#Nothing used to be this way#Nothing used to be “free” so you can be monitored for your viewing habits and sold to advertisers#If you see a little guy trying to leave youtube/google and you paint them as the capitalist??? You. have. taken. a. wrong. turn.#I don't know how many more ways I can say it#It is better to support someone (if you can) than to pressure them into taking money from the trillion-dollar corporation#so that you can have what they put all their blood/sweat/tears into for free#If you want something badly enough you're going to have to pay for it#Them's the breaks#If you don't want it that badly then maybe it didn't mean enough to you personally#Thinking otherwise is how corporations like youtube take over and squeeze out small competitors#btw on monopolies: having almost every single video content creator (outside of tiktoks and video game streams) on youtube is BAD#You understand that's bad yes?#How tf are we going to diversify unless SOME CREATORS leave youtube???#It's almost the responsibility of larger creators to do so#Ironically what I said is backwards#In its ideal state‚ capitalism is supposed to inspire innovation and new business‚ giving every person a chance to succeed#But I think we all know that's not the reality we're experiencing#I just went with what everyone means when they say it
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Anyway, while people are discoursing about men and not sharing Shubble points, here’s the actual advice I got from watching the stream bc I think that probably needs to be spread more. Shubble elaborates it much better but if you can’t watch it’s better than nothing.
Physical abuse is not just hitting or kicking, anyone causing physical pain intentionally to you without consent is physically abusive, regardless of how that manifests or if it seems silly.
Pressuring someone into using a safeword on something that’s not, like, a mutually agreed thing and is just something one partner wants is controlling and creepy.
Partners who push at the edge of your boundaries and avoid safewords are abusive.
A partner insisting you’re remembering things wrong and making you seem crazy is abusive (specifically, it’s gaslighting)
Grand romantic gestures from the beginning can very easily be a sign of abuse, as abusers use it to endear themselves to their victims.
Controlling behaviour and refusing to break up while also refusing to make changes is possessive and unhealthy at best.
Abusers will manipulate things to make it seem normal to those outside of their victims- by being kind and helpful even as they neglect their victim, by pressuring their victim to treat their abusive behaviour as a joke, ect. It’s often very hard for an outside observer to know if something is abusive, and making assumptions off of what you know in front of closed doors isn’t helpful.
It’s very hard to tell that you’re being abused, and you'll often still retain affection for your abuser for a long time- this is normal, and this isn’t your fault if you wanted to stay friends.
Even if an abuser is struggling with their own problems, taking it out on you is not acceptable. People can be bottling up their emotions and struggle with depression and past trauma and that gives them no excuse to hurt you.
If your partner relies entirely on you to take care of them, and support them financially, that’s financial abuse one way or another.
Abusers tend to hurt more than one person, and their actions escalate without outside influence (be it intervention if possible or something that keeps them away from victims if not.)
Listen to your gut, if you think a relationship is bad. Even if you’ve been through this before, sometimes you can’t realise in it, but you’ll feel it subconciously.
Also, Shubble is being supported by friends who helped her cope and went through different but similar things. She's specifically mentioned right now keeping the stories anonymised, but she might change her mind, if I interpreted the last bit correctly. She's doing alright, she's healing, and it sounds like she's being believed by her friends, at least most of them. I wish nothing but growth and healing for them, and wish them the best moving forward.
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c-rowlesdraws · 3 months
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(Note: I’m writing this in good faith and not trying to come across confrontational)
Have u forgotten u can vote 3rd party? I know there will likely not be enough people voting independant party for a non red or blue president to be elected THIS voting cycle. But. If enough people vote independent maybe america will wake up and realize there are more than 2 shitty options. (It takes time to change, and change for the better)
Look the problem with the blue no matter who mindset is that these people know you are going to vote for them no matter what. Not because you necessarily like them but because at least they aren’t the other guy. Which gives dems absolutely no incentive to not be a piece of shit. Like do you get it? They will be awful and endorse genocides and all other terror because they know you will let them get away with it. Maybe biden isn’t as bad as a republican would have been but he is still pretty fucking bad. Personally, morally, I cannot in any way justify voting for him again.
voting for someone as damage control in an election does not mean you can't heckle the shit out of them once they are in office. You elect the officials you think you and groups you belong to have the better chance of pressuring into better policies, and who will do the least amount of damage in the meantime.
Democrats are relentless towards their elected officials-- at least the ones I know who are actually politically active are. They call, they protest, they campaign. Plus, as you're demonstrating, people on the left do not blindly vote (that's the other guys). It's totally unrealistic to say that elected Democratic officials just think they have an easy ride.
people can and should vote for whoever they want to in local elections, primaries, etc. But in the big one, the president one, the one in the fall, voting third party is like drawing up plans for a nice new extension on a house that is actively being set on fire. Voting for president is damage control. Voting is your hard-fucking-won civil right. Voting in smaller elections can also be damage control; when there is no-one to feel "good" about voting for, you vote for the less-worse one, because maybe that one is more receptive to the idea of climate change being real than the other one, and you can work with that.
Sometimes you get to vote for the option you align with the most. But sometimes voting is about picking the option with the cracks that you can dig your fingers into and pull open. Or at least the one who won't start taking a sledgehammer to civil rights and environmental protections (and, and) with all his buddies while you work to build support behind a candidate you can feel good about voting for in four years.
Biden has shown he can change his policies over time, with pressure. Democrats can be swayed in ways Republicans cannot. One major party can be pushed more left. The other one will drag us into a darkness that I don't even want to think about. The presidency is about so much more than just the individual sitting in the Oval Office.
Voting is strategic. It is strategic. It is not negative moral karma to vote strategically. It is one action amidst all the other actions you can take to fight for the future you want.
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flowershines · 4 months
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Loving You
fwb! Yang Jungwon x F!reader
Summary: Being friends with benefits with the character went smoothly for a couple of months till you both broke a rule of having an attachment to each other.
Warnings: Smut, switch! won, overstimulation, fwb, fluff, choking, riding, nicknames, edging (lmk if i missed any)
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“If you keep clenching like that around me i’m gonna fucking cum in you so hard.”
Grunts and moans filled the room around you, the man above you was no other than your best friend of a couple of years. See now the meaning of you two being friends was that if one was horny you would hit one another up and fuck, the more you fucked him the more you realized how you love the way he touches you, the way his teeth would nibble at your lips, his eyes would roll back even from the slightest bit of pleasure, how his eyes would always sparkle when he would cum, and the way his hands would rest on your waist as he slams into you.
“Fuck won keep going.” you moaned to him as you grinded up against him, causing his eyes to roll back. You could feel every vein on his cock hitting your insides in all the right places, being friends with him for a long time helped you to get to know each other’s bodies better. You knew all the tricks to make him cum within seconds and tricks that would make him last longer, he was always the guy that was to shy to talk to anyone so when you offered to fuck him you thought that he would get all shy and say no. But that was the complete opposite, it was like something inside of him turned on. He was acting like a complete different person, he would be all cocky about how well he is fucking you as the night went on and you both came down from your highs he was his shy self once again.
“You make me feel so good, you take me so well.” He rested his hand on your cheek as you nuzzled into his hand you looked into his brown eyes, you could stare into them forever. He was gorgeous, nice, sweet, handsome, and very kind. You loved how kind he was to others, sure he was shy but once you got to know him he is the sweetest person you could ever meet. You just hoped that you were the only one who sees him exposed and vulnerable like this, “Fuck get on top of me, I can’t hold back anymore and I don’t want to hurt you.” he held your hip and started to lift them you grabbed his wrists, “Hurt me.” he grabbed your hips and flipped over so now you were on his lap, “Don’t be fucking crazy Y/n, you know you can’t take it.” you looked him in the eyes “Try me.”
His hands that rested on your hips were now gripping desperately on your hips grabbing every free surface on your body, as he elevated you into the air by your hips and began to start aggressively thrusting up into you. You bent down your head so that way his shoulder was muffling your moans but them being loud enough for him to hear. “Don’t back out now, you were so confident let me hear how good I make you feel.” His free hand ran through your hair, which you always loved because no matter how hard this man is pounding into you he will always show some kind of affection and love for you. “M-my tu- turn.” You told him as your words were shaking from the stimulation he was creating, sitting up you pushed his knees down the best you can and rested your hands on his chest for support as you started to ride him like your life depended on it.
Your thighs started to shake from the pressure being put in your knees, he noticed your body’s reaction and laughed to himself “I thought you said you got this?” you nodded your head and continued to riding him “Is my baby struggling to much, need help?” you shook your head. “Don’t ‘baby’ me, i thought we agreed. No nicknames.” His hand snaked up to your chest playing with your breasts “But why, I can tell you like it and I know you love it when I call you princess as well.” he wasn’t wrong you loved it when he called you nicknames, but you knew if he did that you would constantly be reminded of him every time you hear someone say that certain name.
“See…” he pulled you closer to him till you could feel his shaky breath on your ear, “… you might say that you don’t like it but your body betrayed you.” his cock twitched inside you as he kissed your neck. Staying quiet was the best option right now, you wanted to show him who can be dominant but whenever you try to he always gets his way and ends up having you underneath him, taking his cock. “Nothing to say?” You sit back up and looked at him in the eyes, smirking at him as your hand ran along his nipples teasing them while your other hand traveled to around his neck putting slight pressure on him. A soft moan left his lips as his eyes turned from lewd dominant ones to now softer doe eyes, “Harder, fucking choke me Y/n.”
No matter how hard your legs were shaking you still gave it your all and continued to pleasure the man underneath you, your hand that is around his neck tightened while the other hand continues to flick, pinch, and pleasure his nipple. He was a mess, his eyes would sparkle, his cock would twitch very frequently, his hips would squirm beneath you, he would try and push his hips up only to be rejected which would push his cock in deeper to you, and every swear he could think of as well as noises would leave his lips with every bounce you took.
“F-fuck… pl-ease please.” You grabbed his chin and made him look up at you “Please what baby?” his eyes couldn’t say on you for very long, they would roll back, look anywhere but at you. “Why won’t you look at me?” He started to squirm underneath you, his hands moved to your hips and pushed you up. You were confused because he still wasn’t saying anything except for moans that fell from his lips, “Y/n, off.” being extremely confused you obeyed his request and got off of him and looked at him. His eyebrows were knitted together, his hand rushed to his cock and stroked it vigorously and now is when you realized that he was gonna cum. That was why he told you to get off, squirming beneath you, saying ‘please’, you grabbed his wrist and pulled it away from his cock. “Did you ask?”
He ignores you and used his other hand since you were still holding his other wrist, you grabbed the other one which made him whine from the loss of stimulation. “Please Y/n, g-gonna cum.” His cock started to twitch against his abdomen, “No, you didn’t ask and now your being stubborn.” he whined and squirmed “Y/n-n don-t do this, p-please.” you let go of one of his wrists and used one of your hands to hold on both of his wrists. With your free hand you brought it up to his chin making him look up at you “Bad boys get punished.” he shook his head “But i’m a good boy, your good boy.” you looked at him ‘tsk’. “Can I please cum.” “Fine, but i’m not letting go of your hands, find a way to cum.” He whined at you as he looked down at his cock while he is now purposely making it twitch against himself for some sort of release, “Feels good?” his eyes were still focused on his cock “Not as good as you do it.” precum leaked from the tip and left a string from his tip to his abdomen. “Want my help?”
He finally looked away and looked back at you “Please.” the desperation in his voice was clearer than ever, “To bad you were a bad boy earlier.” he was now focused back on his cock as his lip fell in between his teeth, his hair was a mess, the ones in the front stuck to his forehead from his sweat that fell down on his face. His hips rutted up against you as well as his head being thrown back, you looked down at him and see spurts of cum leave the tip of his cock. His lips failed to muffle his moans while they were still trapped in between his teeth. Falling down from his high you let go of his wrists, he started to relax into the pillows until you wrapped your hand around his cock. This surprised him making his body jump, he frantically tried to grab at your wrists to make you stop him from being overstimulated but failed as his body jolted. “Y/n-n no mm-m-ore.”
He mumbled, “See now if you really wanted me to stop we both know the word would have been said by now.” moans fell from his lips while he was still trying to have you let go of his cock, following his instructions you let go leaving his second orgasm to be high and dry. Whining was heard from the man next to you “I thought you wanted me to stop?” he mumbled incoherent words with a pout on his face, you grabbed him by the chin and placed a kiss on his lips. He held the back of your head pushing into the kids more, he mumbled something on your lips not being able to understand you pulled back “What’d you say?” he shook his head “Not important.” trying to pull you back into the kiss “If you said it than it is.” “It’s stupid just ignore it, kiss me please.” “It’s not stupid please just tell me I wanna know.” he sighed “If I tell you can you keep kissing me?” you nodded to him “Fine, I said that I wish you wouldn’t leave.” “Leave what?” you tilted your head “Me.” he looked down as he played with his fingers “I would never leave you, unless you wanted me to.” you comforted him as he looked up. “Your perfect.”
He pulled you back into the kiss and he had you laying down next to him, “Jungwon, I know we agreed on things being just us hooking up but I really need to get this off my chest and I totally understand if you don’t want to keep having sec after-” “Quit blabbing, just tell me.” he said smiling “I like you, a lot and I completely understand and respect if you don’t like me b-” his lips cut you off as they were now on yours. “I like you too, maybe even more. Promise to never leave me.” you nodded “Promise.”
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ohnoitstbskyen · 3 months
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So, considering what's going on with Riot right now, do you think Arcane Season 2 got caught up in all of this restructuring?
Yes and no. Arcane season 2 is part of the reason for the restructuring.
As I understand it, internally at Riot, after Arcane was a huge (and more importantly: prestigious!) success, the decision was made to basically hand the entirety of the game's lore and story over to the Entertainment division within Riot. These are the people in large part responsible for projects like Arcane, K/DA, Heartsteel, that animated series China got, all that sort of thing.
The writers at Riot were basically told to flat out stop producing new content and lore for the game - that's why there's BEEN no new story content for League for over a year - because everything was going to be consolidated under the Entertainment division from now on. This is why Riot started talking about "One Runeterra" and "Arcane is going to be canon" and so on.
The success of Arcane convinced executives that what League of Legends needs is a singular cohesive brand with its most successful public property leading the charge, Arcane is going to be the gateway drug, the hook on the end of the line that brings new players and new paying customers into the exciting world of the League of Legends multimedia IP universe!
Nevermind that Arcane's story and worldbuilding is fundamentally incompatible with >checks notes< the overwhelming majority of Runeterra as it exists and enormous compromises would have to be made to either the world of Runeterra or Arcane itself to make it work. Arcane is the big shiny prestigious mainstream Emmy-award winning project that every executive wants to put their name next to, and like companies Pivoting To Video in 2015 because Facebook showed them inflated viewership stats, Riot Games is Pivoting To Arcane. It's better than them pivoting to crypto and NFTs, at least, although I know for a fact that high ranking people at Riot tried to make that happen too.
Now, the primary cause for all of these games industry layoffs is that interest rates aren't zero anymore. Borrowing money isn't free, the curve of constant growth has ever so slightly slowed, taking on debt is becoming a little tiny bit more risky than it was previously, and corporations are responding to this with massive rounds of layoffs and constriction to show "financial responsibility" and prove to shareholders that they are prioritizing core growth strategies and blah blah blah etc. They're also trying to kneecap the growing labor movement in the games industry and exert downwards pressure on wages, but the interest rates seem to have been the main thing.
In Riot's particular case, a secondary reason is they want to pivot the focus of the company to support their One Runeterra pipe dream, so a lot of the people who got fired at Riot are writers, artists, creative leads and sometimes extremely senior and successful staff who are now surplus to requirements. This is also why Riot shut down Riot Forge in the same round of layoffs - can't have a bunch of talented indie devs going off making video games that don't adhere to the new One Runeterra policy. What if someone played Mageseeker and got confused how there can be mages all over Demacia but somehow there are no mages in Arcane's Piltover and Zaun. That's a plot hole! People write snarky articles about that sort of thing. It turns off new consumers! What if Cinema Sins makes a video making fun of it?!?
So yeah. A bunch of cocaine-addled fame hungry executive vultures at Riot are absolutely gagging on their own d*cks to put their name next to Arcane related projects, and since they were going to be screwing hundreds of people out of their careers, healthcare, and in some cases their fucking visa status anyway, it seems to have presented a nice opportunity to clear the board for their latest Visionary Scheme for the company IP.
That is as I understand the situation, anyway. I'm a bitter old man and most of what I hear is second hand and anonymous gossip through my social networks, take what I say with a grain of salt, but I've followed this company for (oh god) twelve years now and I have developed a tragically keen understanding of how its executive class operates.
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obae-me · 1 year
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The OM Characters and How They Hug
Just a lil bit of fluff for me and for you in these trying times
Lucifer: 
Softly yet protectively. With a relaxed arm curved around the shoulder-blades and one protecting the back of the neck, his hand settled behind the head. As the eldest of his brothers, he is well used to making someone feel safe. He might not do this as often as he used to in the Celestial Realm, but there are still occasions where his brothers come to him for one of these hugs. It’s a hug that tells you he’ll take care of it. No matter the problem, no matter the worry, settle it on his shoulders. His pride can handle it. Sometimes he’ll even unfurl his wings to shelter the person he’s hugging, shielding them from the world, making sure they can’t be seen in their moment of vulnerability. 
Mammon: 
Tightly and passionately. Most of the time it’ll be a simple squeeze, standing side by side with whoever he’s accompanying, an arm around their back as he pulls them against him, shoulders shrugging up against each other, his head lightly bonking against theirs as he grins. But if it’s serious, he’ll pull whoever it is close and tight, his arms slipping under theirs, hands grasping at the back of their clothing as he clings to them. His emotions are always open to everyone, even if he tries to hide it. Whoever Mammon is hugging knows exactly how they feel for him, they can feel it in the burning warmth of his body, in every twitching muscle that holds them to him. Everything about his hugs screams ‘I’m right here with you and I’m not going anywhere’.
Levi: 
Nervously but assuring. He constantly shifts on his feet, his arms moving till they settle wherever feels best, more natural, which usually has his head somewhere near or on their shoulder. Sometimes he’ll even have his tail wrap around their waist. He feels like he’s not good at this, like he’s the last person to go to for a hug. There have to be better options but...whoever it was came to him. He can’t...he doesn’t want to pass up on this opportunity. He isn’t the third oldest and strongest of his siblings for nothing. He can mostly only think on the negative, but sometimes that can come in handy. At least it could be worse. Remember that time when they felt even more awful? At least this wasn’t that moment. At least they were here...with him...together. 
Satan: 
Curiously and surprisingly shakily. He’s wrath and yet he’s been sought out for comfort. He can’t help but wonder why. He hugs simply at first with his arms around their back, his hands clasped behind their body. Yet, he’s a bit...unsteady with it. He’s not a natural at this, and yet...he doesn’t mind it. He turns curious, his arms slowly shifting, tightening ever so slightly till he’s satisfied. Is this helping? He’s better at more logically solving problems than embracing, but...this is fine. It’s nice being depended on every once and a while, being wanted for something calm. He’s more used to holding cats, not people, so whoever it is might be surprised (or not so surprised) to find he’ll start stroking the back of their head in a slow rhythm, his fingers scratching at the base of their skull. 
Asmo:
Lovingly and lightly. His arms wrap up around their shoulders, twirling his fingers in the ends of their hair. His hands explore, finding all the tight spots in their body and trying to rub it out of them in little circles. He’s a wonderful source of hugs. Every touch of his feels delicate and intentional. He even seems to know certain pressure points to alleviate some tension, leaving the brain tingling. In his arms, they’re loved, they’re wanted. Breathe it in calmly. Feel the heart beat. Feel the feeling in your limbs. Focus on the brilliant sensations the body possesses. Distract the mind. Live in the now. Here, with him, they are pampered, admired, beautiful. 
Beel: 
Bone-crushingly tight and supportive. The recipient might not be able to breathe for a minute, but he’ll eventually adjust his own strength, still hugging whoever it is as tightly as they can manage. He likes to cover as much of the person he’s holding as he can, chin on their head if they’re shorter than him, which most are. If they’re taller than him, they should be ready to find themselves pushed down a little to feel smaller. Most times he’ll even pick them up a little off the ground. They can feel easy in his arms. He’ll support them, he’ll carry them, he’ll do whatever it takes to make them feel better. Just tell him what he has to do, or he can simply stand here longer, holding them even tighter. 
Belphie: 
Lazily but comforting. He’ll drape his arms over them if he even moves his arms at all. Most times he simply leans into whoever it is, letting them do the holding. Stay into the hug too long, and it’ll turn into a full out cuddle, almost forcing whoever it is to lie down with him and stay a while. If he has to lie directly on them to keep them from moving, he will. It’s his own way of supporting, of caring. His tail might wrap around their ankles to keep them from walking away. His yawns are infectious, making the other person yawn. His soft breathing slowly seeps its way into their lungs, making them breathe deeply and calmly. And, if he’s determined enough, he’ll slowly use his sin to lull them to sleep. Only when they’re not fully awake will he wrap his arms around whoever it is, his head rubbing up against their shoulder or chest. 
Diavolo: 
Strongly and shielding. Despite not having the opportunity very often, anytime it is presented to him, he takes it in stride. He’ll scoop whoever it is up into his arms, curving his large body over them, surrounding them, making them feel like nothing could get to them while he is there. His hold is strong, unwavering, a hand firmly on the back. He will not let go until the time is right. Sometimes he might even laugh, even if the situation feels dreary. He just has so much joy to share, and being here, comforting someone, it makes him happier than they can even imagine. His positivity tends to pool into others. His positive and hopeful outlook shining through the darkest of thoughts. 
Barbatos: 
Politely yet firm. His hands typically settle on their shoulders, going no further, pulling them against him. Only occasionally, if he feels it’s needed, will his hands reach around their back. His fingers hold on surprisingly tightly. They won’t slip from him, or rather, he will not let them go. Sure, he might feel like it’s his duty to uphold peace in the kingdom, but truthfully, he can’t handle seeing those he cares for feel so unlike themselves. And if a gesture such as this will alleviate some of that stress, so be it. He might find himself adjusting and fussing over whoever he is holding, smoothing out wrinkles, pulling off stray hairs, dusting off lint, clipping off loose threads. He can’t help it. It is his way of caring for them. 
Simeon:
Warmly and soothingly. An angel's duty is to comfort. To spread light and joy. It's something he enjoys doing. He'll hold them gently, the warmth from his Celestial body spreading over them, but not in a suffocating way. He almost feels exactly like the sensation one gets when they wrap themselves in a blanket that had just gotten out of the dryer. His cheek presses somewhere against their head, his hand rubbing up and down their spine. It's immediately comforting and whether it's his power or simply his personality no one knows for certain. People come to him for hugs often, even if they'll never admit it. Hugs from Simeon are almost like a reset, a recharge, returning that drained vitality.
Solomon: 
Cautiously yet enveloping. He's not used to people coming to him for hugs. Despite him being alive for who knows how long, he still feels rusty at it. But, of course, if the desire is genuine, who is he to deny something so simple? He hugs like some of those old men who use one arm to pull them in and the other to give them a single pat on the back, but if they need a little more than that, he'll hold onto them longer, trying to remember old memories, feelings of nostalgia for other moments like these that have been long forgotten. Eventually, he'll lean forward, throwing the remaining caution to the wind and hugging them entirely, squeezing hard enough that maybe, this time, the memory will remain forever.
Luke: 
Adorably clingy. He may pout and whine about how he's not some cute little angel, he doesn't want to be treated like a child, but of course his hugs make his denials hard to take seriously. He hugs like his life depends on it, like he'll never ever let go, like the only way he'll leave is if you pry him off. He's got surprising strength for his looks. Sometimes, he likes to jump a little right before he holds on so he can wrap his arms around their neck so he doesn't feel so small. Of course, depending on who he's hugging, they might just pick him up anyway which defeats the purpose, but perhaps he can allow it just this once, if it makes whoever he's hugging feel better.
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royallyprincesslilly · 3 months
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Lewis Hamilton Masterlist
Here is my long-awaited and asked-for masterlist for all my Lewis Hamilton fics thus far. As a warning, there is a HELL OF A LOT here. WOW, and I am sure there will be a hell of a lot more to be added.
Thank you ALL for reading, liking, and reblogging. I appreciate the reception and the love more than you know. ❤️
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Things To Know:
-I'm Lilly you may call me that or Lee.
-There is a psychologically proven link between content interaction and content creation. Simply, the more interaction with something (content) or someone, the more content is produced. {Wink, Wink}
-If you are sensitive to angst or erotica this may be an uncomfortable, high blood pressure-inducing, hedonistic place for you. LOL.
-Pay attention to my warnings section.
-My content is meant for individuals 18 and older. If you are under 18 please DO NOT INTERACT.
-Do NOT reproduce, or translate any of my work on any platform. I do not consent to that. Also, DO NOT steal what I write. That's an a$$hole thing to do.
-YOU are responsible for managing what content you consume. NOT ME. Heed warnings that open the stories.
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Content Meter:
*Mentions of NSFW content. Not explicit or even detailed.
**Half of the work is NSFW and recommended to be read at YOUR discretion. Can be explicit and/or detailed.
***Most of the work is NSFW. Don't read this at work, or around others you might feel embarrassed with them knowing you're freaky. Very detailed, and very explicit.
****Pure Filth. Don't read this anywhere not private unless you can handle the consequences. All the details, no limits on explicit content. This is NOT "wham, bam thank you, ma'am". There is work being put in!
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Oh, one more thing! Did you know, I take commissions? I do! So have something you want just for you? Send a DM and let's talk about it!
One last thing! My writing takes time, care, energy, and an endless well of creativity. It's as fun for me to write it as it is for you to read it. So, if would like to show your monetary support, appreciation, and or like for me and what I create here, check out my Ko-Fi and CashApp links in my bio.
Thank you in advance for the love. ❤️❤️
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Series/Mini-Series
-If This Is Love Mini-Series {COMPLETED}
Lewis Hamilton x Mercedes Owner Daughter Reader
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Title: If This Is Love--
Summary: Against your better judgement, you allowed Lewis to woo you. For 10 months he chased you with more determination than a starving wolf. You finally gave in and found happiness and what you thought was love. Thought is the operative word as you stare at the pictures from his week in Antarctica, pictures that show you definitely had been made a fool of.
{1}-If This Is Love, I Don't Want It | {2}-If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It | {3}-If This Is Love, You Need To Mean It | {4}-If This Is Love, You Gotta Ride For Me | {5}-If This Is Love, It’s Forever
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-A Long Time Coming Mini-Series {COMPLETED}
Lewis Hamilton x Best Friend Reader
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Title: A Long Time Coming
Summary: After a long, grueling and stressful 2023 season where Lewis dominated and showed the world once again why he was the best at what he does. He walks away with his 8th championship title and plans with his closest and bestest for some much-needed R&R.
{1} | {2}* | {3}***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-What We Did In The Dark Series {ONGOING}
Lewis Hamilton x Reader
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Title: What We Did In The Dark
Summary: Neither of you planned any of it. You’d met by chance, and everything that happened after had to have been predestined. There was no way blazing passion like what was between you was something coincidental.
{1}**** | {2}* | {3} | {4} | {5}....(Coming Soon)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-3P Series {ONGOING}
Lewis Hamilton x Famous Singer Reader x Aaron Pierre
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Title: 3P
Summary:“Sharing is caring”, “The more the merrier”, “Love knows no bounds”. There are so many quotes that circulate that can be tied to love and relationships. Two of the many you like happens to be “Two is better than one” and “The more the merrier”. Now it wasn’t like you particularly and purposely went out your way to collect men. That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that there were two gorgeous faces in the sea of bodies at Coachella that you couldn’t decide which you wanted more. So you decided why choose. That was 4 months ago and now everything was much more complicated than you’d ever intended.
{1} | {2}...(Coming Soon)
{More To Come...}
✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*✧*
One,Two, & Three Shots
-Trauma: Hysteria | Trauma 2: (Coming Soon)
-Wasted Time | Wasted Love | Wasted 3: (Coming Soon)
-Forever Mine***
-She Calls Me Daddy Now***
-Everybody Else Is No. 2***
-You First***
-Message My Heart
-Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You**
-Stake My Claim*
-Plus Baby Makes Three**
-Love Will Remember***
-Thirsty Or Parched**
-Just Do It
-One Night****
-True Peace***
-Book Trap {Social Media Collection}**
-Lil' Love*
-4am Drunk Calls**
-Show Me**
-Ion't Even Need 7 Minutes***
-Taste The Rainbow***
-Forever & Ever & Ever & Ever--But Not Right Now**
-Morning Voice {Headcannon}**
-1, 2, 3 {SongFic}***
-It'll Be Fun They Said {Social Media AU}
-Trick Or Treat {Headcannon}
-Forgive Me, I Am A Sinner {Any Celeb}** | No Saints Here...(Coming Soon)
-Going Once, Going Twice (Coming Soon)
-Once Bitten | Twice Shy | Thrice My Lady... (Coming Soon)
-Distraction... (Coming Soon)
-Unruly.... (Coming Soon)
-Slip Of The Tongue.... (Coming Soon)
-Do That Again.... (Coming Soon)
-R&R.... (Coming Soon)
-You Make Me Want.... (Coming Soon)
-Grown Folks Thangs... (Coming Soon)
-Truth Is.... (Coming Soon)
-Behind The Mask | Behind Closed Doors | Underneath Your Clothes | Behind The Name.... (Coming Soon)
-When It Hits Hard.... (Coming Soon)
-Lil' Princess.... (Coming Soon)
✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*✧*.
282 notes · View notes
sunshinesteviee · 8 months
Text
mvp - s.h.
summary: you think steve deserves a prize after his baseball game for being the MVP; baseball player!steve wc: 3.9k warnings: a bit of baseball, but it's honestly not too heavy on it lol. this is mostly smut!! 18+ only, mdni!!!! car sex, but they're in the middle of nowhere, fingering, handjob, unprotected piv (pls be smart); fem!reader a/n: alright this has been in the works for fuckin forever, but it's finally done!! i hope it lives up to the hype lol. huge shoutout to @harringtonswriting for the original idea forever ago, and to @stevebabey for listening to me cry abt this for the past month and a half lol. enjoy!!!
Masterlist
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huge thank you to @inkluvs for this^ cutie and to @t-lostinworlds for this gorgeous moodboard!!
It’s a surprisingly nice evening for summer in Indiana. There’s a warm breeze that kisses your cheeks and keeps you cool under the late afternoon sun. Perfect for one of Steve’s baseball games. The last few you went to were unbearably hot, so even though it’s still warm, and you’re still sweating a bit, this is much better. Not that you’re paying much attention to the weather with how close this game is. 
His team is up by two points in the top of the ninth, and there’s someone on base, but if they hold them off from scoring, they’ll win. Steve’s pitching, and you know he’s feeling a lot of pressure, especially since this is a pretty important game near the end of the season. But you also know that he’s totally got this. He’s been pitching so many strikeouts this game, and he can definitely do one more. 
He stands at the pitcher’s mound, bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he squints at his catcher. He looks fucking beautiful, quite honestly. Tan skin glowing in the golden hour sun, the sleeves of his jersey tight around his biceps. Pretty hair tucked under his hat, the eyeblack he’d carefully applied before the game smeared across his cheeks. You might just have to jump his bones when the game is over. 
Steve gets into position, presses the ball into his glove, and takes a deep breath. You stand from your seat on the rusty bleachers, metal creaking underneath you, to get a better view of the field. Someone behind you — probably Jessica, another player’s girlfriend — huffs in annoyance, but you ignore her, too caught up in Steve, and sending him all of the good luck you can. He moves into his windup position, takes another deep breath, and sends the ball over the plate in a perfect strike that the batter watches go by. 
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and whistle loudly, earning you even more dirty looks from the people sitting around you. Half of them are supporters of the other team, so you can’t blame them, but you’re not going to quiet your support for your boyfriend. You know he can hear you — his eyes flick to yours for just a moment when he hears your whistle, and his mouth pulls up at one corner almost imperceptibly. He winks at you, subtle enough to go unnoticed by everyone else, but the cockiness makes you flustered and causes you to roll your eyes at the same time. 
The rest of the inning flies by with a pop-up to right field that’s easily caught by Steve’s teammate, and another strikeout pitched by Steve — one that the batter watches go by. You’d cheered again, even louder than before, and blew him a kiss as he ran off the field. 
Now you’re waiting for him, not so patiently, on the bleachers. You usually have to wait a bit while the team debriefs, and while you don’t mind most of the time, you’re feeling antsy today. You want him in more ways than one, and you don’t know how much longer you can wait. Thankfully, due to a good game and short debrief, it’s not too long until the players start filtering off of the field. Steve is always one of the last ones out, but you stand up in search of him anyway. 
“Harrington!” you shout Steve’s name as he exits the dugout, waving a hand in the air as you bounce on the balls of your feet excitedly. 
Hearing the sound of your voice, Steve’s head whips in your direction, and the biggest smile you’ve ever seen is on his face. He gives you a wave before turning back to the teammate he’d walked out with, saying something you can’t make out as he slaps his back and then makes a beeline for you. After the game, his uniform is awry; jersey half tucked in, hat on backwards, and he’s so sweaty, but somehow, you don’t mind. His bat bag is slung over his shoulder, but it’s quickly dumped on the ground as he approaches you in favor of scooping you up into his arms, “Baby!”
You let out a shriek and throw your arms around his neck as he lifts you off of the ground. Your toes are barely an inch from the grass, but it’s enough to have you clutching onto him. He’s still sweaty, having just come off the field, but you don’t mind. “Steve! You did so good, baby!”
Steve sets you back on your feet, pressing a wet kiss to your forehead with another blinding grin, “Thanks, honey. All for you.” His hands are still looped around your waist, resting gently against the small of your back. “Heard you cheering the entire game.”
“Yeah?” you ask, returning his grin as your fingers trace along the neckline of his jersey. “Good. Matt’s girlfriend kept giving me dirty looks for cheering so loud, but I think she’s just jealous her boyfriend isn’t as hot or talented as mine. I’ve got an all-star. The MVP.”
Dark pink colors Steve’s face from his neck all the way up to the tips of his ears, even though he’s still smiling at you, “Stop it. I’m not—“
“Don’t even start!” you quickly cut him off, placing a finger against his lips, “If I remember correctly, it was you who pitched a bunch of strikeouts, and held them off in the last inning. I’m so proud of you.” 
He wants to argue, but you’re staring at him full of pride, so he gives in. His cheeks are still flushed pink as he smiles at you, pursing his lips to kiss the finger still pressed to his lips, “Thanks, baby. Love you so much. Couldn’t do it without you.”
You know that’s not true — you show up to all of his games, and sometimes you pack him extra snacks and water, but that’s about it. He’s the one who puts in all of the hard work during practice, at games, and during all of the other time he uses to improve. You are really proud of him, in every single way, and you want to let him know. Threading your fingers into the damp hair at the nape of Steve’s neck, you lean up on your toes to whisper in his ear, “I think the MVP deserves a prize. What do you think, handsome?”
Steve’s eyes grow wide, hands spreading over your hips to keep your body flush to his. He stumbles over his words when he finally speaks, “Shit, baby, I-I… yeah, okay.”
Leaning up on your toes, you give Steve a grin before pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “Should we go?”
“Oh, definitely,” Steve nods quickly, leaning into you for a kiss. He kisses you with just enough force that you bend at the waist slightly, giggling against his lips as you grasp at his shoulders. 
“Okay, okay. Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you push at him gently, though you’re grinning when he pulls back. 
He lets out a soft huff, eyes narrowing playfully at you as he grabs his bat bag and hoists it up over his shoulder again. He’s quick to start the trek back to his car, turning to face you as he walks backward with a cheeky grin on his face. His arms are held out to his sides as he calls, “You comin’ with me or what, babe?”
Not wanting him to get too far ahead, you jog to catch up to him, slipping your hand into his as your shoulders bump, “You don’t even know what the prize is, Stevie.”
Scoffing, Steve turns to you with a smug and knowing smile on his lips, “Oh, I know what it is.” Still, he’s gentle with you, giving your hand a soft squeeze and throwing a ridiculously exaggerated wink your way to make you smile. He dumps his gear into the trunk of his car, letting it close with a loud thud as he turns to you, arms caging your body against the side of his car. His breath is hot on your neck as he dips down so his lips ghost over the skin just below your ear, “The prize… it’s not actually a physical prize, right?”
You can’t help it — you let out a laugh, head tilting back as you wrap your arms around Steve’s neck to draw him in closer, “Depends on what you mean by physical…” 
“Baby,” Steve groans with a laugh, taking advantage of your exposed skin by pressing wet kisses up the side of your neck and along your jaw. You want to reply with another sarcastic remark, but your breath hitches as his teeth graze your skin. So, instead, you cup his jaw in your hands and pull his mouth to yours for a kiss. 
-
The sun is starting to smolder low in the sky, nearly sinking beneath the horizon to cast the sky in pretty oranges and pinks as Steve finally pulls out of the parking lot and heads for your shared apartment. His hand reaches over the center console to rest on your thigh, a warm, heavy weight on your bare skin. He’s already been causing trouble, with the way he’d kissed you against the car, and you have a feeling you’re not going to make it home in a timely manner. 
Music is playing on the radio, something top 40 that Steve is humming under his breath as he drives. You’re having a hard time figuring out what the song is with the way his fingertips press into the softness of your inner thigh and brush up ever so slightly. Sucking in a breath, you glance in his direction, only to find that aside from the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly, he’s keeping any indication of what he’s thinking off of his face. 
He looks so pretty in the golden light streaming in through the windows that it’s almost hard to believe he’s real. Reaching out across the gap between you, you tuck a few strands of his messy hair behind his ear and then drag the pad of your thumb across his jaw. You trace over a few of the cute moles scattered over his face and wish you could kiss each and every single one of them, but he’s a bit too far away. Letting out a dramatic sigh, you let a lock of his hair slip from your fingers back into its place. 
At the forlorn sound, Steve’s eyes flick from the road over to you as he laughs under his breath. He twists just a little bit further to press a kiss to the delicate skin on the inside of your wrist, and though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer, he asks, “What, sweetheart?”
“I think I might combust if I can’t kiss you or touch you within the next minute.” 
Steve lets out a laugh, breath hitching as your own hand drops from his hair to his thigh, “We’re like ten minutes from home, honey.” He’s trying his best to stay casual, but he’s feeling about the same as you, especially with your hand on him now. 
“Can’t wait ten minutes, baby. Want you now. Don’t you want your prize?”
“Jesus christ,” he huffs out quickly, hazarding a glance to the hand on his thigh that’s creeping upwards before scanning the road, “Alright, okay, baby, just— just let me pull over. Fuck.”
There aren’t many perks to living in the middle of nowhere Indiana, but if you have to pick one, being able to pull over pretty much anywhere you want to fuck your boyfriend in the front seat of his car is definitely up there. It takes a moment before Steve spots a secluded area and pulls off of the road, dirt and gravel crunching under the tires as he rolls to a stop. The second his car is in park, you unbuckle your seatbelt and nearly launch yourself over the center console into Steve’s lap. 
He laughs in surprise, but it’s cut off by your mouth on his, kissing him like it might be your last chance. There’s not much room in the front seat, and you huff as your knees press into the console and the door on either side of his lap, the skirt of the dress you’re wearing riding up your thighs. It’s not exactly comfortable, but you quickly become too distracted by Steve — his lips pressed to your neck in a bruising kiss, his hardening cock underneath you — to care. And the way he’s gripping your hips to pull you closer isn’t helping. 
Your hips roll forward as you press closer to him, drawing stuttering breaths from both of you. It feels like his hands are everywhere, sliding up your exposed thighs to your waist, warm even through the fabric of your dress, before traveling further up your body to cup your breasts. You’d had to forgo a bra in this dress, and Steve isn't oblivious to this fact; he’d noticed right away, and was going to take advantage of that. 
Wet kisses press to your collarbone as he dips lower, fingers sliding under the thin straps of your dress to tug them off your shoulders, “Looked so pretty in the stands today, baby. Y’always do, but this pretty little dress…” He all but groans, pulling the top of your dress down your chest. More kisses trail along your exposed flesh, the dull scrape of his teeth followed by another hickey pulls a gasp from you. 
With his mouth on you, he’s making it real hard to form a coherent sentence, “Christ, Steve— we can’t— don’t have time for—“ 
A sharp tug to the hair at the nape of his neck finally gets his attention, and he pops back up with a huff, narrowing his eyes playfully at you, “Sorry. Sorry. Not my fault you’ve got perfect tits, honey.” He squeezes your breasts as if to make a point, not quite roughly, but not gently either, thumbs brushing over your nipples. 
“Steve,” you admonish playfully with a roll of your eyes, slapping at his chest. You giggle, though, leaning forward to kiss him again. Your fingers work at the buttons on his jersey as you kiss. It’s not really a necessity, but you want to feel his warm, golden skin and the hair on his chest, kiss the moles that are littered on his torso. Your fingers trail down his chest, and you can feel it heave at your light touches, a stuttering breath as you inch closer to his pants. 
After unbuttoning his pants and pulling down the zipper, the two of you shuffle around in the front seat to get his pants and underwear down enough to free his cock. Your hand wraps around the base, a gentle touch as you stroke up his length. Precum leaks from the tip, messy on your hand as your thumb rubs over his slit. Steve hisses at the touch, hips trying to push up into your hand, “Shit, honey—“
“Feel good?” you ask, a bit smug as you twist your wrist mid-stroke. 
“So good. Need— ah— wanna touch you, too, babe. Lemme…” Steve trails off and one hand presses into the small of your back, reaching down behind you with the other one to pull the lever on the seat. The seat slides all the way back to give you more room, but it moves quickly, leaving you scrambling to hold onto Steve and his jersey. He laughs at your surprised expression, hands moving to settle on your thighs, “That’s better. More room.”
His palms slide up the lengths of your thighs, thumbs brushing against the innermost part until they slip under your flowy dress and bump into the fabric of your underwear. One finger slips just underneath the lacy trim at the edge, running back and forth lightly, “Can I?”
“Yes,” you breathe out, nodding quickly as Steve’s fingers press into the wet spot forming on your panties. “Please, baby.” 
He rubs your clit softly through your underwear once, twice, and just before you’re about to complain, his fingers hook into the fabric and tug it to the side, tracing up your slit, “Already so wet for me, huh?” 
“You– fuck– you look so hot in your uniform, baby, ‘s not my fault,” you huff, shifting your hips to try to get him right where you want him. 
Steve’s fingers dip back down, circling your entrance in a teasing touch before two ease into your cunt. He’s slow with it, almost infuriatingly so, as he spreads you open. You gasp into the crook of his neck, only just remembering that this is supposed to be about him, and resume the slow stroke of your hand on his cock. The air is filled with soft breaths as you touch each other, Steve’s breath warm against your skin, and it’s all you can hear, even though the radio is still playing quietly. 
When his fingers curl inside of you, pressing into the perfect spot, you whine, “Want you inside of me, Stevie. Need you.”
“Yeah?” he asks with a grin, bringing his fingers to his mouth to lick them clean. He hums around his fingers, pulling them from his lips with a small pop sound, “Taste so good, honey.” 
Pleasure twists low in your tummy at the sight of his fingers in his mouth, at his dirty words, and you whimper. You can’t wait much longer, so you don’t, shifting up onto your knees the best you can in the tight space without bumping into the roof of Steve’s car. One of your hands slides over Steve’s shoulder, keeping yourself steady as you slip the other hand between your bodies to line Steve up with your entrance. 
Warm hands rest at your hips, fingers splaying out wide to hold you as you sink down onto Steve’s cock slowly. You both moan softly, your thighs shaking as you lower yourself until he’s fully inside of you. There’s always an aching stretch, and it takes a moment for you to adjust, gasping into the crook of Steve’s neck, “Shit, Stevie, you– you’re so big, fuck.” 
Steve laughs, a breathless sound, hands flexing against your skin as he fights the urge to thrust his hips up, “Y’sure know how to sweet talk.” 
“Shut up,” you huff playfully, curling your fingers into the fabric of his jersey as you rock your hips forward once. Steve lets out his own strangled, gasping noise at the sudden movement and you grin, feeling smug. 
You lift yourself back up slightly, a sweet, slow drag of his cock through your tight cunt, and then rock back down, grinding into him. Steve swears under his breath, hands moving from your hips to your ass to help you fuck yourself on his cock. It takes a moment, but you settle into a rhythm with Steve’s help, circling your hips against his, back and forth, up and down. Your thighs start to burn from the effort, but it’s worth it for the dazed look Steve has on his face. 
“Christ, babe,” he mutters, squeezing your ass as he presses wet kisses across your chest, “ridin’ me like a champ. So good for me.”
You clench around him at his praise, moaning in a way that should be embarrassing, but you’re too far gone to care. Your fingers travel up from the collar of his jersey to his hair, curling into the strands at the nape of his neck under his cap, and you surge forward to kiss him. It’s messy, your lips sliding against his in an open-mouthed kiss. 
It’s so hot in the car that between the warm summer air and the warmth radiating from your bodies, the windows of the car start to fog up. If anyone were to see the car, they’d know exactly what was happening, but thankfully, there’s likely no one around for miles. Sweat beads at Steve’s hairline as he begins to thrust his hips up to meet yours, fingers pressing into the soft flesh of your ass hard enough that it might leave bruises. You falter as his hips smack yours with a filthy sound, pushing your face into Steve’s warm shoulder as you moan, “Steve, fuck— ’m close— oh god, I need—”
“I got you, baby,” he mumbles into your skin, his breath fanning across your shoulder, making you shiver. One strong arm hooks around your waist while his other hand finds its way between your bodies, rubbing your clit in time with the thrust of his hips. He’s babbling, praises for you spilling from his pretty, pink lips, “Look so pretty on my cock, baby, takin’ me so well, yeah? Fuck, I love you so much, you’re perfect. So fuckin’ tight for me, y’close, huh? Gonna cum for me?” 
You can feel the way he twitches as you clench around his cock, your thighs tight against his hips, entire body tensing as pleasure washes over you. Your chest pushes into his as you tip over the edge, slick skin against slick skin, “Oh god, fuckfuckfuck.” 
The thrust of Steve’s hips up into yours grows sloppy, but he doesn’t let up, thumb swiping over your clit as you ride out your high. He’s not far behind you, groaning your name into the crook of your neck as he cums hard. You have enough of a mind to continue to rock your hips against his until he’s spent, breathing hard. 
His hand on your back pushes under your sundress, stroking up the curve of your spine gently, a soft and intimate touch. It’s silent as you both try to catch your breath, trading soft kisses on damp skin and parted lips. 
You speak first, a small laugh as you push your sticky chest off of Steve’s, “Holy shit, it’s hot in here.”
“Yeah it is,” he says with a cheeky grin, giving your ass a rough squeeze as his gaze dips down to your breasts. He leans forward, pressing another soft kiss to the swell of your breast, just above the nipple, making you shiver. He all but giggles at your reaction and leans back into his seat, with a heaving breath, “Fuck, it is hot, though. Lemme open the windows.” 
Reaching over with one hand, Steve opens the driver-side window, letting in the cool evening air. It feels nice on your warm skin, and you close your eyes, turning your face into the breeze. You can feel his eyes on you, and when you look back at him, he’s still staring at you, eyes a soft honey color in the last of the sunlight. 
“I love you,” you say, quietly, almost shy. 
“I love you, more, honey,” he replies easily, a grin breaking out on his face.
You kiss him one last time before pushing up off of his lap, wincing as he slips out of you. Shuffling backwards, you pull your underwear back into place, and tug the top of your dress back up your chest, adjusting the straps. Steve helps you back over the console into the passenger seat before fixing his own clothes. You’re still flushed, so you quickly roll your own window down and stick your arm out. Your fingers flutter in the breeze as Steve pulls back into the main road, turning the volume of the radio up. 
Steve’s hand reaches out towards you, settling on your thigh once again, though maybe a bit more innocently this time. You rest your hand over his, your fingers curling between his as you tease, “Hope you enjoyed your prize, MVP.”
He laughs, head tipping back against his seat, hand squeezing your thigh gently, “Shit, babe, after that, I think you deserve the MVP title.” 
-
a few other tags hehe
@underoossss @sattlersquarry
482 notes · View notes
wileys-russo · 8 months
Note
This Video if Alexia has fic potential!!
All Alexia wants to do is get home to her sick girlfriend or something
Or she’s had a bad day and her girlfriend is the only one who can make it better
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8j3CBaG/
that video makes me so sad like? she's a human being. no hello, no how are you, just posing for a photo and wanting things signed without any sort of decency. she's way too nice
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exhaustion II a.putellas
alexia exhaled deeply as she pulled into her parking outside of her building complex, and yet it had never felt less like hers as she immediately noticed the small huddle of teenagers clearly expecting her arrival.
her cupra hardly unrecognizable she watched as the first young boy noticed it, elbowing his friends and pointing out her car with an excited smile, the others all catching on quite quickly as they hovered by the curb clearly eagerly awaiting alexia to join them.
alexia was grateful to and for the fans, after all without them the sport would hardly be as successful or meaningful as it was, and without their cheers and screams of encouragement and support and seeing her jersey number and name littered through the stands the game would not be half as enjoyable.
but she was tired, no, alexia was exhausted.
it seemed lately everyone had needed something from her. take, take, take, never giving, alexia always the giver. and she was now running on empty, drained to the max and burnt out but still expected to push forward and be strong, continue to give, give and give.
she was la reina after all, captain for club and country, fearless leader, ballon d'or winner. when all she really wanted was to be left alone, given time to recharge and rest and refuel. and she knew that the only place she could ever settle and feel safe enough to let down her walls to do this was with you.
you who would right now be upstairs in her apartment, more than likely in her clothes, waiting to cook her dinner, waiting on alexia to return where the catalan superstar knew you would have your arms open and awaiting for her to melt into, always knowing exactly what she needed even sometimes before alexia herself had figured it out.
as much as she was your most fierce protector, happily sending an filthy stare toward anyone who dared look at you funny, hand sitting firmly on the small of your back anytime you were walking in crowds, large hands covering your face to block out the flashes of paparazzi as they crashed yet another date night.
right now she wanted nothing more than to drown herself in your love and adoration, to just sink into you and feel your arms wrap around her, to let down her walls and open herself up entirely to you as you held her.
no matter if you played together at barcelona to you she was just alexia, ale, nothing more and nothing less. gone would be the pressures of her formal titles, and that was exactly what alexia needed right now.
not to be seen as la reina, or captain, not a spokeswoman or a champion or leader. not a well to be used and run dry, just a superstar athlete who everyone could take from as if she had everything to give and nothing to gain, but just for tonight alexia needed to be just yours, same as she needed the constant assurance that you were hers.
she has just finished up a meeting with her lawyer, running the statement from the girls through to him before they went public with it. she had tried to hint if mapi or someone else would attend the meeting instead but she was already nominated, pushed that as la reina and the captain it would mean the most if she brought the statement forward.
she didn't have the heart to say no, saying no was not something that had ever come easy to alexia.
she would never ever let herself be walked over, however when it came to feeling like she was letting anyone she cared for down, especially her friends and team mates, there wasn't a word harder to say than just those simple two letters.
the same could be said for right now as alexia opened her door and slowly arose out of her seat, locking the car after her and shuffling her way across the road. plastering a tired smile on her face she couldn't say no to the excited group of teenagers awaiting her to join them.
taking photo after photo, signing jerseys and posters and boots, give, give, give.
eventually once she had made her rounds ensuring everyone gained something from her did she step away, leaving them to their excited chatter and beaming smiles as she slipped inside her complex, shoulders sagging as the gate clicked behind her and she knew she was out of sight.
she wanted to sprint to you but her feet could only drag slowly into her building and toward the elevator, heavy and holding her back as if she was locked up in chains, exhaustion wrapping its hand around her throat squeezing tighter and tighter with each painful step.
things only grew worse as she stepped into the elevator, hurriedly followed by a couple of her neighbors who of course wanted to make small talk. again it was take, take and take.
alexia detested small talk with a repulsed passion, it burned her at every cell, each word like a small needle prick to her skin.
it was unnecessary, insincere and a waste of time. especially when silence could be so comforting, so rewarding, alexia craved the peace and quiet brought with it.
but again unable to say no she chatted about the weather they were having, flashing a polite small and forcing a fake laugh at a poorly timed joke about the mans porcelain skin and his crushing inability to tan.
finally, painstakingly slow, alexia reached her floor. again flashing a polite smile and stepping out of the elevator, now hurrying to her door, fumbling around with the keys in her pocket.
alexia huffed as she turned her key in the lock and the door jammed, the blonde ramming it with her shoulder a few times before it popped open with a click and she made a mental note to flag it with the building manager tomorrow.
she was quickly greeted by a small ball of fluff hauling herself at her legs and with a tired smile alexia bent down to scoop her up, cooing affectionately and pressing a kiss to the back of nala's head, placing her back down on the floor.
the midfielders body deflated a little with each step as she searched the apartment for you, small signs scattering each room that you were here.
your shoes by the door neatly stacked next to hers, a half drank mug of coffee sitting stone cold on the counter, washed up plate and fork by the sink, your favorite hoodie draped over the back of the sofa and the tv left on.
but alas alexia struggled to actually find you, each fleeting second without success slowly dragging her deeper and deeper into the gaping chasm of exhaustion she was teetering on the edge of falling into, her whole body screaming out for a reprise, for you.
stepping into the bedroom alexia released a shaky breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding in, hearing the shower running in her ensuite and your playlist slowly filtering out from behind the closed door.
with a pained and tired sigh the blondes legs gave out and she flopped backwards into her bed, fists gripping the soft white linen her eyes started to droop. feeling nala jump up beside her and curl into her side alexia lifted one hand, fingers stroking through the soft tanned fur.
a few moments later she heard the bathroom door click open and she was wide awake, jolting upright as her hazel orbs met yours. "hola amor." you greeted her with an alluringly soft smile, towel drying your damp hair as alexia's own lips curled upward at the way your accent creeped through in your spanish.
it had improved significantly since you'd signed with and moved to barcelona two years ago from england. when alexia first met you you'd struggled to even say hello.
now with a lot of help and lessons you understood most things almost perfectly but still struggled with your own diction, your girlfriend often speaking to you in her native tongue as you'd reply in english, especially when you were tired.
but that didn't matter.
even if the two of you could never understand one another again with words you didn't need them to communicate with one another. forcing alexia to do a love languages quiz with you one night after training your top result was quality time and alexia's was physical touch, meaning you seldom needed words to express your love and care for one another.
which is exactly why alexia didn't need to say a single word for you to instantly sense something wasn't quite right with the midfielder.
the moment you stepped within arms reach the older girl had grabbed you with an air of desperation, toned arms wrapping tightly around your torso with an iron clap grip, tugging you to stand in between her legs as she pulled you impossibly close.
her head came to rest on your stomach as she sat on the bed while you stood. "ale." you called softly, running a hand fondly through her freshly dyed blonde hair, feeling her body sag into yours with a tired hum.
"what's the matter baby?" you asked quietly, nails scratching at her scalp, feeling her sigh into your stomach and simply shake her head. so respecting that she clearly needed this you stayed stood there, her grip on you never loosening as you played with her hair.
"hey, ale." you nudged her gently after awhile, the girls chin resting on your chest as her hazel eyes looked up at you, and your heart panged to recognize just how utterly shattered she looked.
"come." you grabbed her hands, slowly wrenching them from where they remained locked around your waist, intertwining your fingers and tugging at her, nodding your head toward the door.
"bebé, estoy cansada." (baby, i'm tired) the taller girl frowned, a slight pout tugging at her lips making you melt to see her normally sharp and stone faced features soften.
"i know, come." you repeated, pulling at her again as she pushed herself to her feet with a small sigh, allowing you to guide her out of the bedroom and toward the living room. "sit." you ordered, pushing her down onto the sofa and once again gently wrenching her hands off you as she attempted to pull you down with her.
"hey i missed you." the older girl frowned, lips now curling downward into a proper pout making you melt, seeing the normally so confident and strong girl be so vulnerable and soft with you.
"volveré bien." (i'll be back right) you promised sincerely, eyebrows furrowing slightly at the chuckle the words rewarded you from your girlfriend. "ya vuelvo bien." (i'll be right back) alexia corrected with a smile making you roll your eyes. "you know what i meant." you pushed her shoulder lightly and dipped your head, pecking her lips sweetly and darting away before she could grab at you again.
leaving her for a moment you busied yourself grabbing out what you needed, hearing your girlfriend flick through channels trying to find something to watch. though it seemed her patience had ran thin today as only moments later you felt her press herself against you.
"bebita, apresúrate." (baby girl, hurry) the midfielder mumbled grumpily, her chin coming to rest on your shoulder as her arms wrapped tightly round your stomach and she lazily kissed at your jaw. her large hands slipped up her jersey which hung down just above your knees, stroking lovingly at the bare skin of your toned stomach making your breath hitch slightly, which didn't go unnoticed.
"ale, stop." you whispered softly, feeling her press your body against the counter as her hands slipped higher to fondle at your chest.
"but i promised you before i left this morning." the taller girl rasped quietly in her thick accent, quirking an eyebrow as you turned in her hold and again shook your head, grabbing and removing her hands from beneath your top.
your girlfriend was referring to when the two of you needed to stop certain activities as she was reminded by her alarm to leave for a meeting this morning, of course before she was able to finish having her way with you after you'd already helped her out.
"you don't owe me anything you're exhausted. let me take care of you for once, please?" you spoke softly and with so much obvious concern for her that the blonde captains knees almost buckled at the wave of love for you which washed over her.
"amor de mi vida." (love of my life) alexia whispered, lips attaching to your forehead as she hugged you tightly, allowing her gratitude to flow from her body to yours, the two of you just standing there for a moment soaking it in.
"five more minutes and i'm done." you promised softly and tried to peel her off of you to no avail, the taller girl clinging on tightly with further inpatient grumbles, tucking her nose into your neck, warm breathe tickling your skin.
with a shake of your head you continued with what you were doing, only with the blonde tanned catalan now sticking to you like glue. a few minutes later and you were done, having grabbed out all of the girls favourite snacks, arranging them in intricate patterns on a plate.
"hey." you nudged at alexia, her face pressed into the back of your shoulder blade, her head lifting and face softening seeing the simple but sweet gesture.
"thank you mi amor.” alexia rasped out gently, kissing your cheek a few times before unwrapping herself, grabbing the plate in one hand and you in the other as the two of you made your way back to the sofa.
"no." you shook your head as she tried to sit down first, pushing her aside gently and assuming her normal position, patting the space in between your legs.
placing the plate of food on the coffee table alexia wasted no time laying her body down in the empty gap you'd left her, legs intertwined with yours and her back pressed up against your front, your hands winding round her to hold onto her tightly as her own settled on your bare thighs with a loving squeeze
"i love you." you promised softly, the older girl echoing the words back sincerely as she craned her head back, puckering her lips expectantly as you softly kissed her.
no more words needing to be said the two of you just laid there holding one another, a spanish soap opera which was your girlfriends guilty pleasure playing quietly on the tv as late afternoon briskly turned into early evening.
a few episodes later and the blonde shifted, rolling her body around so she was laid on her front, shuffling down a little so her head rested on your stomach and her arms snuck up the sides of your top, craving nothing more than the feeling of her skin to be pressed against yours in any capacity she could seek.
your hands moved to tangle in her mane of blonde hair, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, feeling her exhale deeply as her body sank even further into yours.
alexia's arms wound tighter around your smaller form, hands pressing into the small of your back, tracing circles against the warm skin as your legs remained entangled with one another.
no words exchanged between the two of you the comfort purely physical, you watched on with a loving and tender gaze as the girl gave up her fight against sleep, eyes eventually slamming closed, finally able to rest and recharge as she so desperately needed.
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elicathebunny · 1 month
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Is comparison the thief of joy?
How to be comfortable in your own skin and learn healthy competition. (suggestion post)
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Comparing yourself or being compared to someone else is not the best feeling. It can make you have low self-esteem and bring up feelings of jealousy or anger. But self-comparison, like others, is only bad when too much of it occurs.
To help you understand my point,
Let me show you an example:
Your friend is doing better than you academically. You may feel pressured to achieve at the same level and constantly compare their grades to yours. Your grades are not bad, but in comparison, they are lower than your friends. This leaves you feeling constantly bad about yourself and possibly having negative feelings towards your friend. This example shows that the person feels unhappy with their grades. Therefore, anyone else succeeding will trigger feelings within them. Not only is it bringing up negative emotions about themselves, but those emotions could possibly be reflected onto their friend. The person isn't even failing academically, but they are blinded by someone else's success, to the point that they cannot see their own progress or achievements.
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Shift your mindset on what comparison truly is.
Yes, comparison can be negatively used. But it can be a helpful way to learn and grow.
Here is another example:
Your friend is doing better than you academically. You decide to ask them for help with your work or if they could show you how they study. You also spend extra time looking into other ways you could support yourself academically. You use your friend's achievements as motivation to improve your grades and congratulate them even though they are still achieving higher than you. Your grades may not be the best, but you recognise your efforts made and small progress over time. This example shows the person has used the energy that would have gone into creating negative feelings, into motivation to achieve better despite their friend achieving more than them. They are not upset because they acknowledge THEIR own improvements and focus on THEIR own achievements, not others. The person still congratulates others on their hard work and efforts because they recognise that the progress of others (no matter what big) is not the absence of their own. This means that their relationships are still intact and healthy!
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If you are comparing yourself to someone who isn't close to you, then obviously it is a 50/50 chance that they will be willing to help you out. It also depends on what the comparison is about which will determine if you can actually ask for help from said person.
Why are you being compared/ Why are you comparing yourself?
Who are you being compared/ comparing yourself to?
Why are you being compared/ comparing yourself to it?
When did this comparison start and do you know why?
Are you comparing yourself or are you being compared by someone else? (If someone else is comparing you, then it is a projection on their behalf. But if it is you who is doing the comparing, then you have a lot of inner work to do)
Could you actually resolve the comparison issue? (for example: if you are comparing yourself to someone who has better grades, could you improve your own if you actually tried to? Be honest with yourself here) .
What situations trigger you to compare yourself
Now that you know the "whys ", you know where to start your work from. Become aware of when these comparisons take place and try to catch yourself out for it. Don't suppress it but acknowledge it, and move on.
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Learning healthy comparison is the way to go. But, knowing that wanting to achieve the same as another person is okay, but letting those emotions come out very strongly and out of hand is not good. Comparing yourself to someone is unfair on yourself because everyone is different and has different starting points. Beating yourself up for not being like someone else is unhealthy. On top of everything else, you don't even know the work the other person put in to get to that point or how long it took. So when your comparing yourself, are you actively trying to do something about it? for example, If you compare yourself to someone with better grades than you, and it's an ongoing thing that you feel bad about your grades. Have you attempted to try to improve your own grades? When I ask this I mean actually properly try for a long enough time that you would see progress, not an! "I tried for a bit and I'm nowhere at their level". If you feel there is something you want to change about yourself/ achieve something you have to try before beating yourself about that thing.
Stop using other people as a kind of milestone. Only celebrating your successes if you are like this person or if you have this thing. Set milestones for yourself that are for you and only for you. It's okay to not be perfect, nobody is perfect. Focus on your strengths and work on yourself to make your own goalposts to reach.
EMBODY YOUR POTENTIAL.
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evsstolenhearts · 4 months
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Summary: Jason patches you up after a patrol
Jason Todd x gn!vigilante!reader | roughly 1k words | no y/n
Warnings: some cussing, mentions of stab wounds, cuts, and gun shots
✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。°✩✮ ⋆ ˚。𖦹 ⋆。
Just as it was getting dark in Gotham, you and Jason went your separate ways. Leaving the shared apartment to go patrol the city. But your night way cut shorter than usual when a fight with a crime ring got a little to intense.
Normally, like any of the vigilantes in Gotham, a few scratches are nothing. A small knife wound, or even a single bullet hole can be patched up somewhere and you can finish patrol.
But last time that happened, someone (your lovely boyfriend) gave you shit. Even though you've totally found this man beaten and bruised in an alley way.
So, to please the hypocrite of the relationship, you made your way back to the apartment and gave Oracle a heads up. Which is why Jason found you passes out on the couch. Blood lightly staining your suit. It was obvious, that instead of coming home, changing, patching up your wounds, and getting some pain killers. You just fell asleep.
Jason takes it upon himself to strip off the top layers of his own costume, until he's in the compression shirt and cargo pants. Looking very yummy. You awake to this sight because he's carefully taking off and moving your suit out of the way.
"You know, you should at least take me on a date first..." you mumble as he stills his movements at the sound of your voice.
"I think those standards get thrown out the window when you're bleeding on my couch." Jason chuckles as he finishes taking off your suit, leaving you in your undergarments. "Come on, I need you to sit up."
He helps you sit up on the couch, hands supporting your lower back and hip. The pain of moving makes you groan, the gash under the right side of your chest moving with you. "Damn babe, what did you do?" He grabs the disinfectant and some paper towels, beginning to poor it on the wound and use the towels to collect the extra liquid.
"Bad bitch shit, obviously." You laugh at your own statement, but it quickly becomes a pained hiss as the movement makes the cut hurt worse.
Jason sighs as he carefully works on patching you up, kneeling on the ground between your legs to get a better view, "what actually happened?" Despite trying to sound disapproving, there's an obvious smile on his face.
While giving the actual explanation, one of your hands hold Jason's shoulder to stay distracted from the pain. "I was investigating that crime ring that's been springing up. Steph was mentioning how she has a theory they are branching out to some gags around Gotham and might be moving out of the city soon- fuck be careful holy shit-" you curse as jason applies to much pressure on the wound.
"'M sorry." He says softly as he waits for you to continue.
"Anyways- I was originally just gonna do some lurking, some snooping, you know. But I swear to God these aren't just normal assholes fucking off, I double checked myself and they still saw me." You take a break in talking to take a deep breath, as jason almost finishes, "I'm totally convinced at least one of them are a meta or something. So I'm gonna probably send the case information to someone else."
"You could have had me come with you, ya know." His voice is quite, knowing that despite what he says, he would have gone alone as well, so he really can't be mad at you. Jason finishes his work, packing up the first aid kit.
You watch him as he finishes, the apartment silent. Only thing able to be heard is the faint and distinct sound of Gothams road. "I can handle it Jay." Your voice is now just as quite, as if speaking to loud would damage either of you.
"Yes you can, I know you can." Standing up to put the first aid kit back in the kitchen, your eyes follow his movements. "It's just not a fantasy of mine to see you bleeding on the couch."
"Says the man who has made us get new bed sheets because he bled on them?" Resting your head on the back of the couch smiling lazily. He walks back over, so you see him from an upside down perspective.
Jason puts his hands on his hips as he smirks down at you, "This conversation isn't about me."
"But you would be a very good topic." Your smile grows as he rolls his eyes and walks infront of you. Everything goes silent again, looking into eachothers eyes for a few moments.
"Wanna get to bed?" He asks softly.
"Only if you carry me there." You pathetically respond. At your response, Jason's hand covers his face to hide his equally pathetic smile.
Without responding, he carefully picks you up. "This what you wanted?"
Now it's your turn to smirk as he walks you to your shared bedroom, "absolutely."
Jason puts you down on the bed as you both quietly go about your nightly routine.
Jason changed out of the remaining parts of his suit, into a pair of sweatpants and no shirt.
While he does that, you throw on some sleep clothes, careful to damage your wound more, before going back into the living room to move your suit off the floor so you can wash it in the morning.
When you walk back into the bed room, Jason is already waiting for you in bed.
"Well hello there, it's so nice of you to join us." He teases, us being him and the plushie that is on your side of the bed. With a smile you roll your eyes and crawl in next to him.
Snuggling up to him, you both latch onto one another legs tangles under the sheets as breathing evens out.
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amongemeraldclouds · 2 months
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better than revenge | chapter two: practice?
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Lorenzo Berkshire x Slytherin!reader (ft. Ex!Mattheo Riddle)
Series trope: Fake dating 
Chapter two summary: As with any good fake dating scheme, you’ve got to have rules and perhaps a little bit of practice.
Warning: Kissing, mention of cheating, no use of y/n
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“We have got to come up with a nickname, something like Operation Freedom,” Enzo says, leaning back at his desk, using his hands to support him.
I look up at him from the chair and snicker, “cute but kind of obvious. Wouldn’t work if we want to keep our arrangement a secret. Hmm how about calling it an ordinary item like shoes?”
“Because of how we’ll walk over Mattheo’s patience?” Enzo quips.
I grin, “or a broomstick because of how we’ll beat his sorry ass for cheating on me and all the brotherly trauma he has no doubt caused you.” It was fun hating on Mattheo with someone who gets it.
Enzo laughs then suddenly gets concerned, “So he cheated on you, huh? I never expected much from Mattheo but what a shitty thing to do.”
I curl my fist, “well, what we’ll do will help me get my revenge. I don’t think we can keep mentioning shoes and broomsticks though, let’s keep it simple like,” I scan his dorm, “the book! Since this all started in the library.”
“So every time we talk about The Book, people will think it’s an inside joke between us,” Enzo says.
I nod, “let’s go over the rules one more time. Rule number one, no more hiding from Mattheo. It’s time for me to reclaim my space. Number two, we hang out at areas where he would be 50% of the time so he would see us a lot but not all the time. Just enough to rub it in his face.”
“We do have a life, after all,” Enzo adds. “Number three, I tell my father I am smitten by a wonderful lady,” he says gesturing to me with his hand, “who also happens to come from a powerful family.”
I mock curtsy in the chair, waving both arms to fan my imaginary dress and raise my chin. 
“And we have to attend a ball together,” he adds. “I know you hate them, but I promise I’ll make it fun.”
I nod and continue, “Number four, only we know about the arrangement. Now officially called The Book. And I think that’s it.”
“Nope,” Enzo shakes his head, “there’s one thing we haven’t discussed yet. Kissing,” he says playfully.
“Kissing?” I ask, blushing. I look into his dark eyes. He may be smirking but he’s looking at me intently.
“All this may be fake but I don’t hate the idea of kissing a beautiful girl like you to really sell our story. One of the perks of The Book,” he says.
“I haven’t kissed anyone since Mattheo,” I admit and I hate it. I hate that Mattheo is still the last person I kissed. I hate that I miss the way he used to kiss me like his life depended on it. My lips would be haunted for hours by the ghost of his lips on mine. Now all that haunts me are the memories. I need to do something different, to feel different.
“No pressure, we will only do what you’re comfortable with” he raises his hands and flashes me a kind smile.
“You know, you’re not bad yourself,” I stand up and move towards him. “Maybe I don’t hate the idea of kissing a pretty boy like you too.”
“Practice?” I ask, standing on my toes to move closer to him.
He moans his agreement and closes the gap between as he presses his lips on mine. He kisses me gently and I feel something like butterflies in my stomach. It feels nice to be kissed again and to kiss him back. As our lips move in a steady rhythm, I move my hands up his soft hair and he takes this as a cue to pin me against the wall behind us.
I feel his body against mine, he’s so warm and nice. I take his lower lip between my teeth and I’m rewarded with a moan as the kiss deepens.
He places his hands firmly on my waist, his grip strong and reassuring. He licks my lips gently and I open my mouth to accept his tongue. I feel warm and electric from the core of my stomach all the way down my toes.
Theo suddenly opens the door, “Enzo, would you tell your brother he can’t just—” 
The kiss ends way too soon as Enzo looks at his roommate, face flushed and hair disheveled. I stare at his angular jaw and admire how good his side profile looks. I lucked out with my fake date. 
“So you really did get a room,” Mattheo’s voice breaks my gaze from Enzo, sounding amused. He enters the dorm behind Theo and I move to leave but Enzo keeps his reassuring hold on my waist. He shoots me a meaningful look, reminding me I no longer have to run away.
“You’re killing my game,” he tells Theo. “Either leave or we will continue even with you around.” Enzo looks at me with a mischievous smile and resumes our kiss. I smile on his lips and close my eyes, drowning out the world around us.
His kiss is hungry this time, committed to the show. When he trails kisses down my jaw and neck, an involuntary moan leaves my lips and I raise my chin to give him more access. My body feels alight with fire. As I tilt my head, I notice Mattheo staring at us, his jaw clenched and murder in his eyes.
I move my hand back to Enzo’s hair as Theo turns to leave, pushing Mattheo out with him. 
When the door closes, Enzo takes another second to kiss my neck, gently biting the skin. My toes curl.
“That was — wow,” I say out of breath when he moves away, putting more space between us.
“Yeah,” he says equally flushed, grinning. “And to think we’re just getting started.”
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Author's note: Thank you for all the positive feedback on chapter one! Feel free to comment if you’d like me to tag you when the next one goes live.
I told myself I would publish weekly, but here I am just days later. I didn't expect to write as fast as I have! I have six chapters written and am nearly done with the seventh one. More or less, there will be eleven chapters in the series.
Enzo was the first Slytherin boy I liked and I was frustrated there wasn’t enough fan fics of him. A lot of this is for my fellow Enzo girls (and guys or them). The next chapter will be for Mattheo lovers, it's my fave one so far!
Taglist: @hoeforvinniehackerrr @i-think-you-are-gr8 @thecraziestcrayon @adreamingpendulum @themarauderswife7 @midsoulz
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watatsumiis · 5 months
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Being A Part of the Sumeru Squad!
I've been thinking a lot recently about being a part of the ‘in’ group in Sumeru - the ones shown to be good friends on screen already (Tighnari, Cyno, Al Haitham and Kaveh!) I feel like there's lots of ways one could slot themselves into the dynamic and it's just very pleasant and fun to think about. 
(Rambles below the cut. Platonic stuff, reader is referred to as ‘you’ and is entirely gender neutral) 
Though the squad is almost constantly making playful little jabs at one another, bickering back and forth and whatnot, they're overall a pretty supportive and kind group and accept you into their midst without too much fuss. 
You soon find yourself invited to a myriad of small, casual get-togethers where the group catches up with one another. It's kind of weirdly formal at first, with so many of them holding such high and important statuses. 
Luckily, Kaveh also ends up feeling pretty left out during these discussions, so you'll have someone to chat with or ask questions when you've lost track of the topic at hand. Plus, he's often got some very funny (and surprisingly astute) commentary to add on, even when the subject is painfully dull. 
Once all the politics are out of the way, the conversation tends to ease right up for a little while. Regardless of whether you're at some restaurant or cafe, or just hanging out at someone's house, there's usually snacks available and things will remain super lighthearted for a bit, all jokes and talks of recently released books or occasional infodumps about hyperfixations and special interests. 
On that subject, whenever the stars align and two or more group members have the same special interest or hyperfixation, hoo boy, you can expect them to monopolise the conversation and somehow always drag it back to whatever niche fascinations that they may have accrued lately. 
If you have something you want to talk about, you can rest assured that at least one person in the room will be able to engage. Everybody has their own collection of equally specific and obscure knowledge - with the occasional kind of hilarious overlap. Kaveh and Cyno’s shared fascination with Fontanian machinery, or Tighnari and Al-Haitham’s in-depth discussions of insectoid languages and their potential overlap with human ones are some of the first to come to mind. 
Of course, disagreements do break out every now and then - but everyone is fairly civil for the most part, if a little bit overdramatic and occasionally loud. It's interesting to see how everyone the group tends to take sides almost as soon as a hint of a possible disagreement rears its head. Al-Haitham once questioned Cyno's sense of humour, querying whether it could really be considered comedy if nobody was laughing, and pretty soon, Tighnari and Kaveh were arguing along as passionately as if they'd been personally insulted. 
You tend to be the tiebreaker more often than not - with such an evenly split group, there often tends to be an even balance between whatever arguments. It doesn't help that Al-Haitham likes to break it all down and give pros and cons for both sides (while still keeping his own stance firm), which may make it impossible for you to decide. 
Luckily, it's easy enough for you to guide the group's attention elsewhere. Just offer to make them some hot drinks or ask if someone wants to play a round of Genius Invocation, and it's like the argument never happened at all. 
It's easy to wind up feeling a little out of place in a group of such highly ranking people, but it's like your friends develop a sixth sense for when you're starting to get a little confused or feeling out of your depth. Instead of poking fun at you (like they do for Kaveh), they'll find a way to rope you into the conversation that doesn't put too much pressure on you. Cyno and Tighnari, especially, seem to have a way of relating things to subjects that are in your area of expertise to help you parse them better so you can find your footing and be debating back and forth with the rest of them. 
Game nights tend to get really intense. It's not a case of if someone will flip their lid, it's simply a case of when. Alliances and subsequent betrayals are all too common, and you'll often find yourself being bribed to help someone one-up another person. 
They even have a ‘trophy’ for winning each week's game night. It's a tiny crown, carved out of wood and painted gold. Collei made it and donated it to the group. Whoever possesses the crown also possesses the ultimate bragging rights until the next gaming night (or until they accidentally sit on it and squash it with their big clumsy butt. Kaveh ). 
Though the group is chaotic, noisy, and constantly teasing one another, they're all so supportive of one another and will stick together through thick and thin. As the conversations slow down, sometimes some pretty serious subjects get brought up, heavy venting and other such similar things. 
Though, they're all very understanding if someone isn't in the correct headspace for that sort of talk, and will happily postpone it or talk about it elsewhere if needed. They're also very used to multiple conversations happening at once, so it's easy enough for someone to dodge around the heavy topics if they need to. 
The squad can be almost violently supportive at times. Sometimes you worry that Cyno may be one hundred percent genuine about abusing his status as the General Mahamatra to threaten somebody who mildly inconvenienced you one time in the market last week. 
Overall, the vibes of the friend group are super fun (if a little intense at times). They may not say it directly, but everyone is super glad to have you around, hanging out with them and getting in on all the goofs they make and shaking up their dynamic a little bit.
Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagiarise my writing! I do not consent for my works to be translated and posted elsewhere, or copy - pasted into bot or AI technology.
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9800sblog · 11 months
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pick a card tarot reading - which version of you will meet your forever person?
what's your character development before they come along? or have they already arrived?
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from left to right, up to down: red nails - pile 1, yellow helmet - pile 2, kitty - pile 3, pool - pile 4
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pile 1
cards: knight of swords reversed, 7 of wands, ace of swords, ace of cups, 10 of cups
this is one of your happiest chapters, the end of a book that has a sequence, a teenager in the end of a coming of age movie. you're not prepared for your whole life or done developing, but you have gone through rigorous moments already. this is a new beginning, you're stronger, smarter, happy, but irresponsible or scared. you think you're better than everyone, you have better ideas and values, you might be right, but there's no need for a fight, you're a rebel in a small idle town. you are unique, you bring freshness into the world with your talents and experiences but you may not have the exact type of support you need to succeed with those right away, your person will be that support, you're gonna have to rely and trust on them to be the backbone of your newest story. you're a little cynical, sarcastic and defensive. you may be very into a specific social fight but not know enough about the subject to actually take part in it. you know this is your person because they're gonna go against tradition to take care of you and make sure you're safe and happy.
gilmore girls vibes! the whole show and all characters fit this description, if you see yourself in them at some point in your life, that might be when ;)
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pile 2
cards: king of wands, 2 of cups, 5 of cups reversed, 2 of swords reversed, the hermit
introspective, experienced and major respect to the elderly, understands the value of interchanging informations and respecting others' boundaries. probably a loner tho, you have accepted your fate as the old neighbor with 5 cats, whatever these cats may represent for you. ironically, you're so comfortable alone that you're attracting many people to you. you're someone that others are curious about, you're different than the rest and they wanna hear your opinions on different things, you may be the quiet kid that somehow got friends without saying 2 words. you're seen as wise and confident, you feel like it's a lie, that you ain't nothing special, you're just different from this batch but there are others similar to you out there; that's your person. your person has these same life experiences and you'll know it's them because you've never met someone as similar to you before. they'll probably surprise you because you're so used to being alone you plan a whole future of loneliness.
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pile 3
cards: page of wands, the emperor reversed, the world, page of pentacles reversed, the devil reversed
childlike wonder, you're almost crude, if this word can be used for people. someone who refuses to grow up and be an adult for whatever reason. you're probably focused on inner child healing - that may be as simple as watching childhood movies, playing on an inflatable bed or more thoughtful as allowing yourself to make mistakes and exist as a regular person. this is giving me the feeling of summer, so this may be a version of you who knows how to have fun and forget responsibilities or goes to your family's for a while and allow yourself to be taken care of. you engage in worldly behavior without any shame, it's literally harmless in this case, it's good and healing to your soul. if you have a position of power, you'll have stepped down from it because it's too much pressure and you wanna enjoy life more. you'll know you wanna be with them forever because it'll feel easy, they are perfect, an angel sent from above and you may feel a little inadequate at the time, but you'll get over it because you're cool as fuck.
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pile 4
cards: the magician reversed, 4 of cups, queen of swords reversed, judgement reversed, the star reversed, 8 of cups reversed
your whole life is upside down, this is probably a depressive episode. you don't have patience, energy or hope even for the near future, you may be physically sick too. you know you're worth more than this, you wanna change but you think you don't have the resources. you feel lazy and bored, harsh on your words with yourself and others, you may have a creative outlet that you don't share with the world yet, it may be the thing that's gonna change your life. you're scared to show people you're unwell, but you desperately need help and you feel like you're making a wish on a dead star. your person shows up during your darkest time to help you get out of it, they'll give you that nice butterfly feeling, tingling on your tummy and warm on your face ^^ you'll know this is your person because you usually like nobody, including yourself, but this soul is just like yours and you think they're the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your entire life, maybe too good to be true - they're not. you like the same things and match very well, this person deals with emotions in a different way than you and you will start seeing the world in a different perspective.
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hyunfilms · 3 months
Text
blue side of the sky (lmh) | twenty one. (final)
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♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist
—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.
—pairing: lee know x f. reader
—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut
—word count: 4.4k
—chapter content/warnings: not much, really just wrapping everything up mainly for these three, some crying, overwhelming feelings of nostalgia and missing someone, two cute flashback scenes
☁︎ on rotation: magic hour - jhene aiko
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—a/n: thank you again for coming along on this journey <33 i appreciate you, and the support always means so, so much to me 🩵 i'll be back with chan's fic soon. 🥰
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As the days go by, you find yourself feeling better in your own skin than you were a year ago. Despite the troubles you had endured, you feel like you're finally where you need to be. Things feel settled, time seems to be moving slower, your relationships traversing on calm waters. Because the flower shop had been booming with more customers and clients, Mrs. Pak made you lead florist while she hired another part-timer, Bora, who helped in between her classes. You're mainly at the shop, preparing pre-ordered bouquets and setting some aside for grabs at the store; while the other half of your time is now spent traveling to venues to set up for special events. You've greatly appreciated the bump in responsibilities, enjoying that most of your time is spent doing what you love. During nights or weekends that you are free, you occasionally head to the pottery studio to continue creating pieces to add to your collection or sell.
As for Minho, the time felt like it did you well. But in a sense where you were able to say your peace to the past, where you were able to process the highs and the lows in that chapter with Minho. Though things changed the trajectory of everything, Minho has never left your side. He continued to create enough distance until you were ready to bring him closer, always ready to support you in any way that he could. But, there was never any pressure to be more, to be less. Minho let you be and that's because he loved you;
And he loved you enough to let you go.
Loved you enough to let you properly conquer this world without him holding you back.
In the end, you will always love Minho, but you're realizing that loving him as who you are now, as where you are now, as his bestfriend, will always be more than enough. So you let it sit the way it is now, afraid to force something that wasn't meant for the next chapter of your life.
In the end, you will have Minho the way the universe allows you to, and vice versa. 
In the end, you'd rather have a part of him than lose him at all. 
"Hey." You pick up the call, gathering some last minute items and tossing them into your bag.
"Hey, I'm out front." Minho says on the other line while he shuffles around in his car.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
"Take your time." You purse your lips together before ending the call. You run your chapstick across your lips once more before grabbing your bag and heading out of the door. You walk through the side door seeing Minho relaxing in the driver's seat— scrolling through his phone. Since it's been a good amount of time, your stomach no longer drops when you see him, heart no longer feels like it's beating out of your chest, palms no longer wet and sweaty from anxiety. 
And it feels nice. 
Refreshing.
Peaceful.
"Hey." He says, turning to you as soon as you swing the door open and settle into the passenger's seat. You give him a tiny smile before buckling in your seatbelt. "All good?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Is it too warm?" Minho adjusts the heat slightly.
"No, it's good. It's perfect." He nods, driving off to your childhood neighborhood. "Cafe is okay? Surprised you were able to run off." 
"Mhm. Yeah well, JJ's got it, plus we hired another person to help out. It's been pretty smooth lately."
"That's good. Then, you're able to do more for your dance group and the studio, right? Just like you wanted?" He nods.
"Yeah, I am. We're finishing up for our competition next weekend."
"I'm glad you have more time for that now. I'm sure it'll go great."
"How's the shop and Mrs. Pak? Still busy, I'm assuming?" You sigh and let out a chuckle.
"Yeah, it's booming lately. But, Bora's been a lot of help when I can't be around so I'm grateful for her. I was just afraid of Mrs. Pak having to handle a lot on her own again."
"I'm sure she appreciates everything you do for her and the shop." You nod.
"I have to travel next weekend. The client that hired us for the event is about 2 hours away."
"You'll be okay?"
"I'll be okay. I know I can call you guys if anything comes up."
"Okay." He looks at you, content with your answer. And when Minho looks at you, he still sees love, feels love. 
He always will. 
But, he's also gotten to understand what it truly means to put you first, to put your needs above his own, to be your bestfriend. For a moment, he felt lost when you distanced yourself; no longer by his side like you used to be. He wondered how he could salvage everything and fix the problems overnight to bring you close again. He wondered what he could do differently this time, wondered how he should act, how he should talk, how he could paint himself in a different picture. He felt exhausted from trying to control every single aspect of life, micromanaging every little detail he could. 
Then, he realized the answer was in front of him this entire time. He realized how much he was holding you back when you started to smile more, when you started to laugh and move with grace more comfortably; dancing along with the wind, while your eyes held more life than they used to. He realized you needed to shape your own life outside of him, outside of Jisung and your friends, outside of Uncle Adrian.
Create your own version of the greenest grass, the bluest skies, the starriest nights.
This is the unconditional love you needed, even if it was from a distance.
As he continues to drive, he peeks over from time to time, watching as you keep your eyes glued to the surroundings as it passes by. He can't really tell if things are starting to feel familiar, or if you are trying to dig deep within yourself to find that familiar feeling. Overall, you seem to be content, and you don't seem to be regretting your decision of asking Minho to take you here.
When Minho finally drives down a familiar street, he slows his speed a bit; pointing towards certain places while telling you as much as he remembers from his own memory. Although Minho wasn't a part of your life during this point of your childhood, you and Jisung used to take him to this neighborhood pretty often— bringing you to the convenience store you always hung out at, the grocery store your families frequented, the park that had the monkey bars you and Jisung used to fight over. Even though he wasn't there, he felt included. Always.
"You guys took me here quite a few times." Minho points at the convenience store. "We'd go in there and spend our spare change because they had $1 surprise gifts." Minho chuckles a bit. "We'd get a range of things, like random sticker books. Bracelets. Keychains. You even got lucky once and got your favorite pink pencil case out of that." You giggle.
"I still have that sitting on my desk." He nods.
"Yup. We'd spend so much visiting there. They always had our favorite snacks. Sometimes, there would be a hotteok cart nearby. It stopped coming after awhile though." He turns down a road that leads into a residential area. Most of the houses were designed similarly, probably having the same layouts and just enough rooms for families to live comfortably. It's a quiet street, barely any kids playing out front or around on the block. Minho parks his car along the curb, pointing at the park that's a bit of a walk down a path into the middle of the area. "Wanna talk a walk to the park with me?" He looks at you as he unbuckles his seatbelt.
"Sure." He gives you a small smile before heading out of the car, finding his place next to you as you stand and breathe in the crisp fresh air. He digs his hands into his jacket pockets, careful to not walk too quickly. You finally catch wind of a few kids playing around at the park while their parents hang around. Minho chuckles a bit when he hears a child screaming and laughing while their father spins them around on the roundabout; pleading for their dad to go faster.
"Jisungie hated that thing. Even when we'd come here in high school."
"Let me guess, he almost fell off of it." 
"Yup." He lets out a breath. "Anyway, you and Jisung grew up at this park. When we came here all together, we'd play around on the monkey bars and wait for the ice cream truck to come. That ice cream truck sold the specific brand of strawberry shortcake ice cream you loved so much. You refused to buy anything else."
"You know, now that you mention it, I haven't had that in awhile." You giggle and kick at the leaves beneath your feet, eyes now darting to the kids chasing each other around the park.
"You loved that ice cream." He walks over to the tree on the opposite side. "We used to play the dumbest games here, like tag. Hopping from bridge to bridge, trying not to step on the ground or else we'd be out." You laugh.
"Everything sounded so fun."
"And chaotic." You watch as he looks at the tree bark, running his fingers across the surface before calling you to his side. "Come look at this."
"Hm?" You hum, walking around to stand next to him. You let out a small gasp seeing your names carved messily onto the bark, the 'o' shape on your mouth slowly forming into a tiny smile. "This was in high school?"
"Yup. We spent a lot of good times here." You look at him. "Ready to walk to your house? It's just down this way." He points towards the ongoing path behind him.
"Mhm." You nod. 
The walk is quiet, but it's a comfortable silence that falls between you and Minho. It's quick anyways, especially being that you thoroughly enjoy taking in the fresh air while observing your surroundings. You can hear the birds chirping amongst the trees that line the pathway, the dirt beneath your feet with every step. You follow Minho as he turns down the corner and stops, pointing at a dark brown, ranch-style family home. It's not small, but not the biggest; obvious that the maintenance wasn't a high priority over the years, the paint chipping off in certain areas.
"That's it." You stand and stare, taking in the small, quaint house sitting by itself— a good distance separating it from the next house over. 
"Hm." You hum. "It does feel like home." You say, unable to explain the huge wave of nostalgia that suddenly overcame your senses. "I can't put my finger on it, but it certainly feels like home." Minho nods. "I can't believe we were here. This is where I grew up."
"Yeah."
"Wish I could remember it." At this point, an elderly lady comes out— walking onto the small porch with her cane. She notices you two and gently smiles, heading towards the flowers planted along the walkway into the house.
"I don't usually see pretty faces like yours come around. Are you from here?" She asks with a sweet smile, tending to her growing rose bush.
"I, um, grew up in this home when I was really young. I just wanted to come by and see it. I hope you don't mind that we're standing here looking at the house." She chuckles.
"Nonsense. My son bought this house but eventually moved out of the country, then had us move in here."
"That's nice."
"Does it look the same as you remember it?" Minho looks at you, but before he could intervene, you respond simply with a :
"I think so. Feels like it."
"I'm glad." She looks at her door then back at you two. "Do you, maybe, wanna come in?" You shake your head, afraid of it being too overwhelming, too much. Especially for someone like you, who is still learning life and the world.
"Oh, no. Thank you, though. We're going to leave soon. Seeing it from here is enough."
"You sure?" Minho asks quietly. You look at him and nod.
"Okay, sweetheart. If you ever change your mind, please knock. My husband and I are just around in the house."
"Thank you." You give her a small, curt bow before turning to Minho. "Let's go."
"Okay." Is all he says before following you down the path, creating enough distance between you and the house before chiming in again. "You sure you don’t wanna go in, Y/N?"
"Mhm. I'm just afraid it'll be too overwhelming for me, and I won't even know why. I'll have nothing to compare the feeling to.” You pause. “I promise. I'm okay seeing it that way. I think—" You sigh. "I think that feeling of seeing it and having it feel like home is enough. I don't want anything else to take over that."
"Okay." He pops his arm out for you to take and hold onto it. "That sounds good to me. We can make our way to the cemetery at a good time."
"Thanks, Minho."
"Course." The two of you continue to the car, laughing and smiling at the kids that are still playing in the park. You plop into the passenger's seat and buckle your seatbelt, rubbing your hands together to get rid of the morning cold. Minho checks on the flowers in the backseat, making sure they're still sitting prettily before hopping into the driver's seat.
"Good?" You nod. "Ready to go see your mom?"
"I am."
"Mmkay." Is all Minho responds with before pulling away from the curb. The cemetery is close to an hour drive in the opposite direction, and Minho makes sure you're comfortable for the ride over. He keeps it rather lowkey, playing soft music in the background while keeping the heat on. He doesn't really try to make small conversation not only because he's not much of a person for it, but because he can also tell your mind is already occupied. He does ask you from time to time if you're hungry and if you'd like to eat first, but you respond with a soft 'no;' reassuring him that all is well through a smile before leaning your head against the window.
Uncle Adrian was caught up at work, but he lets you know he'll meet you at the cemetery as soon as he's able to slip away and pack it up for the day, telling you to take your time and sit with her for as long as you'd like. You aren't really sure what you're gonna do when you get there though, to be honest. You're not even sure how long you plan to stick around. But, thankfully, Minho doesn't mind. He knows you need this right now, and he'll do whatever he can to help ease this.
To ease the transition in closing this chapter, in moving forward.
☁︎ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE
Minho is woken up in the middle of the night when he hears you giving off small whimpers. You're still snuggled against him, enveloped in his arms; though, he feels you twitch every now and then. He looks down at you, brushing the hair away from your face when he realizes you're still asleep and probably having a bad dream.
"Y/N." He says softly with a gentle shake at the shoulder. "Baby." He says a bit louder when you don't budge. He's a little bit rougher with his shake, finally getting you to slowly pry an eye open before the other follows suit.
"Hm?" You sleepily ask, rubbing at your face.
"You were having a bad dream."
"No."
"No?"
"My mom visited me in my dream. I was crying for her."
"I'm sorry, love."
"Nothing to be sorry about."
"Do you remember if she said anything to you?" You nod and wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly as you recall the best parts of your dream. Although it was a happy, beautiful dream, you found yourself tearing up at the thought of how angelic and peaceful your mom looked. At least, you could confirm that she was okay and that she was happy— wherever she was at.
"Mhm. She said she missed me, and that she was really happy to see me. She said she thinks about me all the time and that she's always by my side no matter what." You sniffle. Minho lifts your chin with his finger, wiping away at the tears that manage to slip down your bottom lid and down your cheeks. 
"I'm glad she visited you."
"I am, too." You begin to cry a bit harder as reality hits you, the thought of not actually being able to physically hug your mom feeling incredibly painful tonight. "I miss her so much, Min. I wish I could hug her."
"I know you do, baby. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just got scared. I wish I could do more to help."
"No, it's okay. Just really miss her. But I'm glad she seems to be happy."
"And I'm sure she's very happy because she can see you doing well and being so strong."
"I hope so."
"I know so." Minho gives off a tiny chuckle before pulling you close and hugging you tightly. "Let's get back to sleep, yeah? We've got a couple of more hours before we need to be up."
"Okay."
"I love you."
"I love you, too." You whisper against his chest, shutting your eyes in hopes of finding sleep again.
☁︎ END
It's a bit past lunch time when you arrive at the cemetery, and you still don't feel hungry. You do feel nervous for whatever reason, somewhat anxious, even. Minho parks in a free space, shutting off the car while letting out a breath.
"You okay?" He looks at you while you stare out of the window. All you can do is look at him and nod once more before unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of the car. You grab the bouquet of flowers from the back seat, hoping to rearrange them at her grave. Minho takes lead down the grassy field, stopping a few feet away from the car. He stands above a grave, looking down at the flat headstone before laying down a blanket and turning to you. You slowly approach him, letting him throw an arm around you and give it a soft squeeze.
"It's her." Is all he hears you say before you kneel to the ground and place the flowers down. It takes a moment before you register what's happening, before you realize that you're finally meeting her after all this time. 
Again.
You take another moment just to observe, to sit and be still. Then, you look at her picture, and you just cry. You cry, and cry. Because you miss her, because all you feel is overwhelming love for her.
You shakily run your finger down the picture, her smile so beautiful, so calming.
So peaceful.
You wish you could hug her tightly.
"I wish I could hug her." You say softly, and Minho can't help but gently rub your back to help ease your crying. Though, it's nice to know that you aren't alone, and you know you never will be. You do believe that your mom has been here with you, never leaving your side— especially throughout everything that's happened.
"We can stay here for as long as you need to." Minho adds. You quietly begin to arrange her flowers, Minho sitting back after he's added the bowl of oranges to the headstone. He watches as you delicately fix each stem, each flower, helping them stand tall and long. 
"Do they look okay?"
"They're beautiful." You give him a small smile.
"Mrs. Pak just got these in a couple of days ago. The baby blue Baby's Breath? They're so pretty."
"They are." 
"I hope she likes them."
"I'm sure she does." You sit back contently, hands falling to your lap. 
"Minho, I really wish I could remember the moments I've had with her. I think that's been the most upsetting part about everything. Not remembering the times I've had with my mom. Cause I can't get those back, and I can't necessarily make new ones with her."
"I'm sorry, I know. But, I know Uncle Adrian would be more than happy to walk down memory lane with you whenever you're ready. And I know she'd be happy to see you making new ones with him. She's with you everywhere you go, and she's in everything you do. You know that, right?"
"Mm, yeah. I just.. I don't know. I wish I could have a pass to go back in time to talk to her, or see her in my dreams." You sigh. "At least I can talk to her here, though. I hope she hears me."
"She does." Minho responds softly, watching as you stare at your mom's photo. He doesn't interrupt, gives you a moment to let your thoughts be.
To let you hold space. For you, for your mom.
And it's like this for awhile. Minho doesn't mind, especially since the weather has cleared up a bit and gotten warmer.
"Yo!" Jisung suddenly comes up the path, hands dug deep into his jacket. "Sorry I'm a bit late, I got caught up with some work stuff even though I told them I was taking off early today." He lets out a sigh as he sits next to you on the blanket. "You guys okay?"
"Mm yeah. I think so." You murmur.
"You sure, cielo?"
"Mhm. I just miss her, is all." Jisung pulls you into a hug and rubs at your arm while looking down at her headstone.
"Whenever we went on trips, your mom would always buy me bags of my favorite gummies. She'd always take us to get ice cream, or to the local convenience store to buy whatever snacks we wanted. Sometimes, she'd sit outside with us just to get some air and people watch." Jisung chuckles. "Your mom was really like my second mom. She was the nicest person. Always smiling. Kinda like you, I guess?" You laugh.
"Wow, you guess?" He shrugs. 
"Twins, for real." Jisung continues to tell you stories about the trips your families have taken together— how she would never let you two be unhappy, always willing to take you two to the places you wanted to visit even if everyone else was tired. She'd patiently wait for you two to finish playing, swimming, whatever it was— as long as you two were happy.
Then, the three of you find yourselves sitting quietly in front of her grave, looking out at the hills beyond it. The sky is bright and blue with no clouds in sight, weather warm with a very gentle breeze. The trees around you are full, showing off their healthy green leaves.
You sit, you breathe, you feel.
You turn to Jisung who is quietly dusting off your mom's grave, picking at the old, tiny, brown leaves that have accumulated in the corner. A small smile grows at your lips when you notice how focused he is on the small, tiny details; finger tracing the edges of the flat headstone. Then, you turn to Minho, who quietly sits by your side, looking out at the distant city view ahead. He suddenly meets your gaze, a smile growing at the corners of his lips. He pulls you into his arm, letting you rest your head on his shoulder.
No words being exchanged, no words needed to be said. 
Nothing.
You've come to know what the blue side of the sky truly means, what it truly feels like. Because there is so much pain, anguish, hurt in this world, so many grey skies and loud, aggressive storms. 
But not in this moment.
In this moment, there is only happiness, comfort, peace. Blue skies and warmth. 
In this moment, there is only love.
☁︎ FLASHBACK | EARLY CHILDHOOD
"Y/N." Your mom says as she holds your hand as you attempt to walk in a straight line on the curb. You giggle when you almost lose balance, your grip around her fingers tightening as you regain it. "Y/N love, are you listening to mommy?"
"I am, I am." You giggle and look up at her, flashing her that million-watt smile she adores.
"Okay, good. I just want you to listen to me for a second."
"Okay, mommy."
"You know, the world isn't a scary place, but it isn't perfect either, love." You continue to walk silently along the curb, listening to your mom. "You know mommy is always doing her best to raise you well, right?"
"Mhm, mhm!"
"I don't want you to grow up fearing new places, new adventures, new people. But, I also want you to protect yourself and save yourself for those that really deserve you. Every bit of you. Okay? I'm trying my hardest to raise you to be brave and strong, and I know you will be. But sometimes, you can't be. And that's okay. That's why it's so important to have good people around you. Good friends. People that care about you and love you no matter what. Always surround yourself with love."
"I have friends." You smile at her and she smiles back. "Like Jisungie."
"I know. And Jisungie is a perfect example of a good friend who will never leave your side. But sometimes, Jisungie might not always be there. What are you going to do?"
"Be strong! Because I am strong!" She laughs when you raise your arms to show off your muscles.
"Right, be strong. You're my brave girl. You will always be my brave and strong girl. Life may not always be that kind to you, but I know you'll be able to overcome anything. You deserve the very best, always. Never let yourself believe otherwise."
"Is it because I'm like you, mommy?"
"Yes." She giggles. "Yes it is. You're just like me." She scoops you into her arms before planting a kiss on your cheek and pointing upwards. "You know, if you ever have bad days, or if you ever need a reminder. Just look up at the blue sky." She pauses and taps the tip of your nose. "Because no matter what, that blue sky will always come back after the rain. It'll never let those grey skies completely take over no matter how hard the rain comes down. It will always come back and be there for you."
☁︎ END
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ao3commentoftheday · 2 years
Text
on perfectionism
There's a difference between striving for self-improvement and being a perfectionist. Working hard to do a good job or to be a better person is laudable. Being a perfectionist makes those things harder to accomplish.
The goal of being "perfect" isn't to improve, it's to avoid shame. If you're aiming for "perfect" instead of "better" then you're probably full of self-doubt and constantly worried about disappointing yourself and/or others. These negative emotions make it harder to take risks and try new things. They make it harder to experiment or to reach beyond your current skill level.
Perfectionists also spend their time focused on the end result. This means that they lose a lot of learning during the process or journey they took on their way to finishing. It also means they can fall into a trap of procrastination. If it's never finished then they'll never be judged for doing a bad job.
If you have perfectionist tendencies, you probably learned them from those around you. Either they are perfectionists and expect you to be one too or their actions pressured you into trying to be perfect in order to escape some form of pain.
Are you constantly being told that you're not good enough? That the things you do aren't done well enough? Are you punished severely for every mistake that you make? Are people always comparing you to someone else who's "better" than you are and asking why you aren't like them?
Perfectionism is a way of protecting yourself from those kinds of attacks and the way they make you feel.
Getting out of the loop of perfectionism takes a lot of time and practice and might also require the help of a therapist. But there are some things you can try to help you ease out of it, at least a little bit.
Give yourself the positive feedback you aren't getting from others. Positive self-talk and encouragement can counter some of the negativity you're otherwise being exposed to.
Allow yourself to make mistakes in areas of your life where those negative people aren't involved. Perhaps even do it in complete privacy at first. Make a mistake and feel the shame and disappointment, but follow that up with positive self-talk. Congratulate yourself on taking a step away from perfectionism. Find something beautiful or funny in the mistake. Realize that you're still okay, even though you aren't perfect.
And above all, remind yourself that your value doesn't come from being perfect. It doesn't come from the things you produce or the actions you do to support others. Your value is inherent and immutable. You're worthy because you exist. You are here and you are wonderful and you are loved. ❤️
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