#It just looks so cozy. 90% of them are just hanging around with free time to spare

[pianokantzart]

[rphelperblog]

The Lying Game Quote RP Meme

“We played along with the lie. We became the lie.”

A killer with a guilty conscience.”

The only way to win a lying game is not to play.”

You need to be honest with him and yourself, before somebody gets hurt.”

You think she's dead, don't you...”

Please tell me we're not gonna get all dysfunctional and nasty when we're middle aged.”

It's not exactly a love song. Think Kelly Clarkson, not Taylor Swift”

Does an innocent man run?”

Didn't feel like being the only former murder suspect at the pep rally.”

Well, we're in a motel. We're at least 100 miles from any parental supervision, your boyfriend is two doors down probably shirtless, do I need to go on?”

Legal geniuses don't work for free and I just checked under the couch cushions and I came up a little light.”

You're having boy troubles, which is still a crippling form of impairment.”

You have some real issues, ya know?”

You love him right? So what are you still doing standing here?”

Oh my God, something's happening. I actually think I feel bad for you.”

You, my friend, are a giant neon sign of sexy right now.”

You're too close to this. You're gonna get hurt.”

They can take the girl out of the foster system, but they can't take the foster system out of the girl.”

Nothing good ever happened without a fight, right?

If there's one thing frat boys can't resist, it's girls.”

“I know she's the more improved version, I get that a lot.”

Just to let you know, I'm choosing you. It's always been you.”

It was you people, with all your secrets and lies. Someone here did this, I'm gonna find out who.”

When I look at you, I turn into something I don't like.”

Are you gonna make me cry? Because I just put on mascara.”

All I ever wanted was a family.”

I'm just trying to prove his innocence. And you're trying to prove his guilt.”

We all feel things we shouldn't sometimes.”

It feels like I'm the one on trial now.”

You and me. We're everything.”

It's probably that "A" you got on your history final. Or that your boyfriend just got arrested for murder.”

He's in the big leagues now; that's for damn sure.”

This was always my life. You were just pretending to be a part of it.”

No offense guys, but at some point you're going to have to stop being surprised by things that man did in the mid-90s.”

I've lived with you for 16 years and I never needed shared DNA as a reason to love you.”

I know a huge part of you wants me to be guilty for one reason, but I'm not.”

It's like I got voted off the island.”

The safest thing you could do right now is stay out of it. This is a murder investigation.”

Is that why you waited until we were half naked in a motel room to tell me you were into my sister?”

Why do you allow yourself to be continually punked by that girl?”

You and I broke up, remember? So you lost the right to ask me that.”

even though we're not together anymore, what we had meant everything to me. In some ways it still does.”

he's the one that arranged your whole adoption, under the table of course. And I know that was wrong but how can I regret that? It gave me you.”

Between you and me, it's kind of a thrill to be back and turning heads.”

Don't you have to care about someone to be disappointed in them?”

Honest is not another one of my fortes.”

Look, that boy is distracting you, taking your focus off the plan.”

Pick a lower hanging fruit.”

This place? What are we hillbillies?”

Who knew you were the daughter I was forced to give up 17 years ago?”

you wanna take a walk down memory lane you gotta give me a head's up.”

Did I just walk in on my own funeral? Because if so, I've gotta say the turnout kinda sucks.”

I mean she was into the idea of living sorority life. I guess if you're into lying games there's no better venue.”

Well isn't this cozy. I'm sorry, have I come at a bad time?”

My dad is many things, but he is not a killer.”

I don't think fugitives from the law, tweet.”

Why is it that around here, the first thing out of people's mouths is a lie.”

The only mistake I made was taking your bastard ass in when nobody gave a crap about you.”

When you're accessing a true memory you look to the left, lying to the right.”

So you don't believe in destiny?”

So you're not just kicking me out of your house, you're kicking me out of your life?”

I can't. I've been burned by it too many times.”

Tell my wife I'm coming for her.”

Let's just say this weekend my bride finally gets everything she deserves.”

So you guys wanna go or should we go next door and look for the Easter Bunny?”

You've just been the bright spot in all of this.”

Don't you think it's a little late to be playing that card.”

if you hadn't been asking those questions we never would've found each other.”

It looks like some people need to start apologizing until I tell them to stop!”

I can either choose to be miserable or choose to be happy.”

I always wonder about that decision I made. What it would've been like to have kids of my own. I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. I never blamed you for that.”

“he  is a bit of a wild card, and that's the last thing we need right now.”

He doesn't need luck. He has me.”

If anyone found out that you know about me and her your life could be in danger.”

Tonight was kind of amazeballs and I hope it was amazeballs for you, too”

Please it's like riding a bicycle, a 1200 lb bicycle that would crush me if it landed on me.”

Trust me, if I were you I wouldn't quit at the finish line pal.”

You and I are on the same ship and it's sailing fast.”

never thought one of the best heart to hearts would be with you.”

We're sisters. We're related by blood.”

Look at it this way, the closer I get to her, the safer your secret is.”

So much for here comes the bride.”

Why? So you can stop second guessing your feelings for him?”

Who else would be so protective of the secret of the twins that they would kill for it?”

I don't know I wasn't really listening. An award for giving homeless people boob jobs or something?”

You wanna know another surprise? I'm getting pretty good at telling you two apart”

When our embryos split, you got all the heart.”

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End of Summer - Chapter 2

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated?

Word count: 7.2K

Genre: Angst, Fluff.

Cameos: NCT Johnny, Ateez Wooyoung, ITZY Ryujin & Yeji.

Warnings: Heavy drinking, sexual implications, arguing and conflict.

A/N: English isn’t my first language, pls don’t come for me ;)

“Dang,” Soobin exclaims as you get in the car. He turns around to check out your attire, make-up and jewelry.  

You chuckle crossing your legs and posing for them dramatically. “How you like that?”  

Mia looked at you with proud eyes as she nods checking you out. “I approve,” she practically yells. She probably already had a few shots at home before she left judging by her enthusiasm.

“I don’t,” Soobin raises his eyebrows and Mia rolls her eyes at him. “Ok grandpa, how about we just get going.”

Soobin pouts at Mia’s comment and in order to calm him down she gives him a quick peck on the lips.  

You smiled at the two of them, hoping that one day you get to have what they have.

The remainder of the car ride was filled with laughter. You guys were singing, or should you say, screaming along to the music that was blaring through the speakers. The time practically flew by and before you knew it, the three of you had arrived at the entrance of the huge rustic looking frat house.  

You had never been here before, and you were amazed to say the least.  Your jaw dropped in awe of the size of the house. It was like a damn villa.

Sometimes you forget that 90% of the people at your school are rich brats who only got into this college because of their parents’ hefty wallets. You forget because you on the other hand, actually worked your ass off to get where you are without being an athlete or curing cancer in your spare time.

It suddenly made you think of Yeonjun again, about how little you actually knew of him. How did he get into this school? Was he already here? Who did he come with?

Soobin snaps you out of your daydream as he opens the car door for you. “The escort service is on the second floor,” he jokes helping you get out of the car.

You slap him on his chest but take his hand anyway. You’re used to his low key protective behaviour by now, so nothing really bothers you anymore. “Keep those snarky comments coming boy, I still have your whole embarrassing childhood to expose to your lovely girlfriend,” you say as the three of you start walking to the front door.

Soobin just shoots you a glare as he instinctively wraps an arm around Mia’s waist. “Don’t you dare,” he says pouting, making you and Mia laugh in response.  

The door opens with a dramatic swing and a tall, handsome-looking dude with sharp features greeted you with the warmest smile ever. It made you giddy inside, and you cursed at yourself for how easily impressed you are by any type of tall man.  

You could hear the loud music and feel the base send vibrations through your spine. You looked past his tall figure and noticed how the house was packed with people already.

“Sooooob, what's up my man,” he exclaims pulling him in for a bro-hug, Soobin smiled at Johnny fondly. “This is my girlfriend Mia, and this is y/n, my best friend” he explains, introducing both of you.  

“His single, best friend,” Mia chimed in giggling.

Your eyes grow wide and you slap Mia’s arm in response. “Don’t mind her. She has the alcohol tolerance of an underweight toddler,” you joke apologetically, which earned loud laughter from the tall guy who was dressed in white jeans accompanied with a loosely hanging Hawaiian blouse which was almost completely unbuttoned. Classic.

“Well, it’s a pleasure. I’m Johnny, feel free to make yourself at home. The booz and snacks are in the kitchen,” he said smirking, obviously checking you out from head to toe. “Come in,” he stepped aside so the three of you could walk in. You had to admit. He was charming. But as soon as your eyes landed on Yeonjun sitting on the couch with Beomgyu,  Hueningkai and Taehyun next to him, you completely forgot about Johnny’s existence.

He looked absolutely ravishing. When he wasn’t wearing baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants he actually had an incredible fashion sense.  

He was wearing a satin black button-up blouse that loosely hugged his figure, paired with dark denim jeans. He had his signature hoop earrings in, while also wearing a chained LV necklace and bracelet to go with it. You forgot to breathe for a second, and your eyes meet for the first time that night.

His eyes were looking around the room before his gaze lingered on your figure. His mouth fell agape slightly. And he swallowed harshly looking at your attire. “Damn,” he says under his breath. It was inaudible to you but you could tell what he was saying.

You silently take the win and smile at him knowingly.

You hadn’t even realised yet how nicely the house was decorated and just how crowded the place was. Your eyes reluctantly leave Yeonjun’s dark orbs to look around the living room and quickly noticed that Soobin and Mia had already abandoned you to get drinks. How nice of them.

You awkwardly look around and make your way to your friends, who were all sitting on the same couch, not noticing how most of the people there were staring at you as you made your way through the crowd.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?” You joke as you give Hueningkai a nudge on the shoulder.

He scoffed in response. “You need to stop babying me,” you gasp, mocking him. “Never.”

He just smiled at you, giving you a quick hug.  “It’s good to see you,” he hums into the hug, and you smile at him as you let go.

“Wow y/n you look incredible,” Beomgyu says smiling up at you, Taehyun nods in agreement giving you a warm smile as well. “Total bad bitch,” Taehyun adds giving you a thumbs up.

“Thanks,” you chuckle, absentmindedly looking around for a place to sit.

Beomgyu noticed and got up so you could sit down instead of him, as there was no place left on the couch. Instead, he sat down on Yeonjun’s lap, who still hadn’t said a word to you since you walked in. For a quick second, you wish it was you on his lap, but then you notice that all he does is stare at you. Given the fact that you were feeling yourself tonight, you just stare back at him, which made him smirk in response. He licked his lips, ready to break the silence before Johnny appears in front of you with two red cups in his hands.  

“For the lady,” he says handing one of the cups to you.  

You look up in surprise, giving him a friendly smile as you accept the cup. “Thank you, that’s really thoughtful,” you say a little too flirty and you instantly curse at yourself for not having control over your tone of voice; even though you’re completely sober.  You take a sip, realising it’s your favourite. It made you look up at Johnny and he just smirked at you knowingly.  

“Thanks…” you say taking another sip, giving Johnny a smile that he could think about for the rest of the night.

You could feel Yeonjun’s eyes bore in to the back of your head. He was paying attention and what you would do next would determine the tone you had set for that night. So you knew you had to escape.  

“I’m gonna look for Mia, I remember I had to tell her something, If you could just excuse me for a second,” you said apologetically getting up. You pull your dress down a little trying not to expose your ass cheeks.

“That’s okay, the night is still young,” Johnny smiled at you brightly. It wasn’t the creepy type of smile or comment though. The tone in his voice was overbearingly friendly. His aura made you want to get closer to him. As friends though.

You smile at him and walk off, making your way through the way too large house looking for your friend.

You finally find her and Soobin in the kitchen with a bunch of other people. You recognise a few of them, but you couldn’t be bothered enough to greet them first as you grab a hold of Mia’ arm.

“Oh hey, y/n! They have jello shots. Look!” She wiggles the shot in front of you and you could tell she had at least 5 of them already.

“Bitch, fuck your jello, I’m not off to a great start,” you say whining.

Soobin turns around, suddenly interested when he sensed the desperate tone in your voice. He was eating some type of chocolate pudding.

He smacked his lips a couple of times before he decided to chime in. “What do you mean?”

You ignore Soobin and focus on Mia only. “I could tell he wanted to say something, but then Johnny appeared in front of me like I was in some type of Disney movie. It’s like the guy is glowing?” You say animatedly wiggling your fingers around to mimic sparks flying to make Mia’s drunken state understand better.

“Johnny is a great guy,” Soobin states butting into the conversation. “He’s into you, just date him.”

Mia just giggled, nothing was registering to her. Fuck. She was drunk. Too drunk to give you rational advice.  

“Jesus Soobin, how do you even know that?”  

“Because he came over here and asked us what your favourite drink was. He’s trying to impress you, so I just gave him a little nudge in the right direction. And like I said, he’s a great guy. Date him.”  

You roll your eyes at his pushiness. You don’t know what it is, but the more Soobin tries to push you into one direction, the more you don’t want to follow. It’s like you’re a defiant teenager while he’s the parent. It made you want to act out even more. It’s childish, you know that. But the fact that he even played matchmaker between you and Johnny was doing the most.

“I saw you cozying up to Yeonjun today at the park you know.”

“Oh did you now,” you roll your eyes at him.

“Damn it y/n,” Soobin took a step closer to you. He was getting mad and you could tell. Mia turned to her boyfriend giving him a warning look.

“I’m trying to befriend him. I literally had my legs draped over Beomgyu’s and you don’t bat an eye, but I can’t even talk to Yeonjun before you jump to all of these conclusions!?” You were raising your voice at him to get your point across but Soobin wasn’t having it.

“You didn’t admit your feelings for Beomgyu to me now did you,” he bites back at you.

“You’re being so fucking annoying right now, I told you not to worry about it,” you yell back at him, making Mia flinch in the process.

“What’s going on here?”  

His voice startles you and you feel his hand on your shoulder.  

You look up and see Yeonjun standing by your side, almost protectively standing between you and Soobin.

“Oh hey,” Soobin said, calming down at the sight of his friend.

“So much for a fun night,” Mia pouted, tugging at Soobin’s fingers.

Soobin just blinked a couple of times, apologetically looking into his girlfriends’ eyes. He tried to look you in the eye as well but you avoid his gaze.  

“Nothing,” you say stoically. “I was just about to leave.”

Yeonjun’s eyes grew big. “Leave? You just got here all of five minutes ago?”  

You sigh. “I meant, leave the kitchen,” you say waving your arms around.

Yeonjun didn’t quite understand what was going on, but he could tell that you were tense. He contemplated asking about it one more time because he was curious. But decided against it, not wanting to push you over the edge.

Instead, he nudged your shoulder. “Wanna go take a walk?” he asked giving you a hopeful look.

You visibly relax at his request, your heart skipped another beat and you just nod at him in response.

“I-” Soobin starts, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. He knew he was going overboard with it. And if he pushed another one of your buttons, you might just swing at him for real this time. He figured he just had to trust your judgment for once. Even though he knows of your terrible track record of dating incompetent men.

You send him a glare before boldly taking Yeonjun by his hand and leading him out of the kitchen with you.

You sigh in relief as fresh air fills your lungs when you step outside. The temperature had dropped so much since this afternoon. A shiver ran down your spine and Yeonjun noticed.

He turned to you. “Wait here ok,” he said confusing you as he ran off.  

Did he just leave you out here? Alone? What the fuck.

Not even 15 seconds later he returns with a leather jacket. He ran up to you and covered you with it.  

You stare at him in silence. Dumbfounded by his chivalry. You couldn’t help but blush, and you curse at yourself as you do so.  

“T-thanks,” you say fixing your hair.  

“It’s nothing, I realised I had the jacket in the trunk of my car,” he says giving you a warm smile.

God damn it. You melt once again. He’s making it too hard for you to stay away. But why would you?  

He hasn’t given you a reason to. Nor did he give you any red flags. The whole’ he’s a fuckboy and doesn’t want a relationship’ story didn’t add up.

“Are you okay?” Yeonjun asked cautiously, trying not to tick you off.  

You shrug absentmindedly. “Soobin is just getting on my nerves.”

He nods, noticing how he should probably drop the topic, but he decides against it.

“You know. He talks about you so much. About your adventures from your childhood, the trips you took together, everything. I can tell he loves you a lot. I don’t know what your fight was about but I don’t think you should be too mad at him. He’s just trying to look out for you,” Yeonjun says carefully. He knows he’s overstepping a little bit, but he doesn’t care. He hates to see Soobin upset, so he’d try his best to meddle between you two.

Oh Yeonjun. If only he knew that the fight was about him. And here he is, sticking up for Soobin even though he is trying to make Yeonjun out to be the asshole.

“Also, I am just starting to get to know you more and more. Soobin is our only connection, if you two fight, then when will I be able to see you hmm?” He says chuckling.  

Wow, okay. His flirty self is back again.

You laugh at the cute shift in his personality. “Don’t worry, I’ll pencil you into my busy schedule if you’d like.”

Yeonjun throws his head back in laughter. “When Soobin talks about you, he makes you seem so chill and funny, it made me want to get to know you better. But now that I’m with you all you seem to do is flirt with everyone.”

You stop in your tracks giving him a look of confusion, but you can’t help but laugh. “Flirt? With everyone? Who’s everyone?”

“Johnny,” Yeonjun says shrugging. “And Beomgyu, in the park…and well…Me.”

You nearly choke on air. “You’re kidding? Right?  I didn’t flirt with Johnny nor Beomgyu, Also Beomgyu is like a little brother. That’s gross,” you laugh nervously.

Yeonjun just stares at you and starts to smirk again. “So you don’t deny flirting with me?”  

Your eyes grow big at his observation. Shit. You really exposed yourself like that. “Well…I eh…” you stammer. You just singlehandedly boosted his ego with one sentence. He developed a child-like grin on his face as realisation hit him.

Yeonjun took a step closer to you. “You…what?” he’s getting cocky now.

His face was inching closer and closer to you by the second. He looked at your flustered facial expression as he crouched down a little to get to eye-level with you. When he sees the fear in your eyes he burst out laughing.  

You look at him in shock and he inches away from you again. “I’m just playing with you. You should’ve seen the look on your face.”

“Dick,” you exhale.  

“Dick!?” he repeats all fake defensive, poking your side.

“That’s the only pet name you’re getting if you keep playing with me,” you giggle as he poked your ticklish spot, and you swat his hand away playfully as you continue to walk down the street filled with massive villa’s.

“I prefer da- never mind,” he stops himself immediately.

You nudge him laughing hysterically. Not believing he was about to say that. You take a mental note, hoping you would need it in the future.

Being with Yeonjun was easy, it felt like breathing. He was able to switch your mood in all of 2 seconds and you’re thankful for that. You genuinely thought your night went to shit.  

Before you knew it, the two of you walked around the whole block. You talked about anything and everything and there is so much you had learned about him in such a short time.

He was an only child, he took dance classes since he was little and still practices from time to time, he loves to travel, especially to warm and tropical countries. He’s not a picky eater but can’t handle fishy flavoured foods like oysters. He is passionate and competitive, oh and his favourite dog breed is the Welsh Corgi.  

You were surprised at how easy it was to talk to him since he always seemed so distant and unreachable. But you figured he was just shy because, in reality, he was the biggest sweetheart. Maybe that’s his charm? Girls pine after him because he seems like a bad boy, but when he lets his walls down, he’s the complete opposite.  

“Wait, so…you’re telling me that Soobin got a sports scholarship and you got one because of your grades alone?” Yeonjun asks wide-eyed.

You nod. “Yep, total nerd over here,” you huff. “So…that means you’re like smart, smart?” Yeonjun asks while holding you back before the two of you cross the street to check if there weren’t any cars coming your way.  

The sudden skinship startled you a little as he held you back by your arm before he decided it was ok to cross the road, back to the house. His manners were dumbfounding, and you could tell he wasn’t even trying. It’s just the way he is. Always looking out for others before he looks out for himself.

“I mean…it’s nothing special,” you say lost in thought. you were getting kind of sad as you approached the house, knowing that your quality time would soon be over because of his immense popularity. Once you got inside you knew that everyone would want something from him again.  

“That’s cool y/n, you really earned it,” he gives you a warm smile before the both of you enter the house again. You reciprocate his smile, feeling warm inside at his compliment.

You take off his jacket, handing it back to him but he shakes his head in response. “Keep it with you for the night. Just in case,” he says wrapping it back around your shoulders. “Besides, I don’t think I’m ok with the fact that every dude can just gauge at you in that outfit” he swallows harshly.

You meet his eyes confused at his comment, but he doesn’t budge. “You’re lucky it goes with my outfit,” you giggle. The sound made his heart jump and his lips curl up into a smile. “Even if it didn’t. I’m sure you look good in a potato sack y/n,” he compliments you once again, moving a piece of your hair behind your ear so he could see your pretty features a little better.  

His actions and words were laced with affection. And not once had he tried to make a real move on you yet. You weren’t sure if you were happy or sad that he didn’t. But the more he showed this side of him to you, the more you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

“Yo Jun!” Another tall guy with long black hair yelled out for Yeonjun’s attention. Making both of you snap out of your bubble as he approached. “We’ve been looking for you man; we need the king of beer pong in our team, alright?”  

Yeonjun chuckled. “Wooyoung, chill. I’ll be right there,” he patted his friend on the back to signal him to leave the two of you, but he didn’t seem to get the hint.

“Oh, who’s this?” He questioned giving you a smirk while holding out his hand for you to shake.

You took his hand, weakly shaking it as you introduce yourself. “I’m y/n,” you smile.

“Well hello y/n, can I just say, you look very pretty,” Wooyoung winked at you and you awkwardly smiled back. Damn these horny and drunk college boys really do be something else.  

“Ok. I think that’s as far as that introduction goes,” Yeonjun says chiming in. “How about that game you were talking about?” he diverts his attention to Wooyoung, but gives you a last look before he walks off.

“You coming?” Yeonjun asks holding out his hand for you. But you just shake your head in response.  

Given the crowd that had formed around the beer pong table, you decided against it. You didn’t like to be the center of attention, but you knew Yeonjun did. When you were with him you could feel so many eyes on you, but he didn’t seem to care or notice.  

“I’ll be fine, just go,” you say shooing him away playfully. He nodded, taking one last glance at you before he disappeared. It didn’t take long before he was completely engulfed in the game. You just stood there, watching him from a distance. He really was the MVP. Everyone was cheering for him as he kept making shot after shot. And of course, you noticed the females around him as well. He’s thriving off the energy and you don’t know why but it made you sad since you were pulled back to face the reality of things.

He’s just out of your league.  

Suddenly your mind flashes back to what Mia told you this afternoon.

“The problem is that a lot of girls have eyes for him too and that can become a problem. The issue is if YOU can handle that.”

Can you handle that? You sigh turning around, wanting to find either of your friends but you couldn’t get far as you bump into a wall of a person.

“Oh, sorry,” you say looking up. It was Johnny.

“Hey,” he smiled at you. “All by yourself out here?” He asked chuckling.

“Well, yes. Every time I blink my friends keep disappearing from my sight because this house is just too huge,” you say looking around you, trying to spot any of them.

Johnny laughed at your comment. “Do you want to see the rest of the house? I can give you a tour if you want? There are three floors. And we even have our own gym,” he said proudly.

“Your own gym? What the hell. Now that, I want to see,” you say intrigued.  

Rich kids really are something else.

Johnny laughed at your sudden enthusiasm and put an arm around your shoulder as he led you upstairs.

Before you reach the top of the stairs, you see Beomgyu, talking to Ryujin, a girl from his class that you were also friendly with.

“Oh hey, y/n, where are you going?” Beomgyu asks, his big eyes darting from you to Johnny. He squinted his eyes at the sight of Johnny having his arm around your shoulder.  

“I’m getting a house tour. Did you know they have a gym?” You say with your mouth agape.

Ryujin chuckled. “Wait till you see the sauna.”  

“Sauna!?” You repeat in awe.  

“Oh yeah, that’s on the third floor. We’ll get there,” Johnny smiles at you innocently and leads you further into the second floor opening the first door on your left. “This is Jaehyun and Jungwoo’s room. It’s kinda messy.”  

Beomgyu watched the two of you like a hawk. He heard you laugh at every joke Johnny threw your way. But the further you went into the hallway, the more your voice became white noise.  

“Ryujin, I’m really sorry but I have to find my hyungs,” Beomgyu says apologetically diverting his attention back to her.

“That’s ok, I was just about to get back to Lia en Yeji anyway,” she smiled at him knowingly. He was going to warn his friends about you disappearing into the rooms with Johnny, and she knew it.  

“Raincheck?” Beomgyu carefully asks, taking Ryujin’s hand. She smiled at him brightly. “Of course.”

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and ran down the stairs making his way through the crowd.

Mia, Soobin, Hueningkai and Taehyun were sitting on the same couch from before. “Soobin hyung!” Beomgyu exclaims slightly out of breath.

Soobin looked up from his phone, Mia was situated on his lap, nearly passed out from the jello shots and Kai and Taehyun were lost in conversation with her. “What's up?” he asks putting his phone away.

“Johnny took y/n on the house tour.”  

“….She knows that tour always ends in his room right?” Taehyun chimed in. “She can be so naïve sometimes,” he says clicking his tongue.

Hueningkai’s eyes grew big. “Eh, should we…save her?”

“Save her? For what. She went with Johnny herself, she’s an adult. Why would we interrupt them?” Soobin coldly states, obviously still angry with you. Mia rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, still too drunk to really judge the situation, her head falls back on his shoulder as she giggles.  

Beomgyu raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Soobin would rather die than let a guy take advantage of you, so his sudden attitude towards the situation surprised him.

“Y/n is with Johnny? Upstairs?” Yeonjun overheard the conversation as he approached.  

He was confused, to say the least. He thought the two of you had something going, especially after the walk you took together just minutes ago. He looked down, visibly upset.

“Yeah, I saw them…” Beomgyu says scratching the back of his head.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I feel uncomfortable about it,” Hueningkai says shrugging.

“Me too,” Yeonjun says under his breath, earning a look from Soobin. “Why, did you want to fuck her first?” Soobin says, his voice laced with venom looking straight into Yeonjun’s eyes.

“What?” Yeonjun's eyes grew big as he looked at his friend in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Yeonjun bites back taking a step towards Soobin.

The younger ones all shifted uncomfortably in their seats. But Beomgyu knew better than to let this escalate.

“Guys, stop,” he said putting himself between Soobin and Yeonjun. “Are we gonna go up there or no? Time is ticking,” Beomgyu asked indifferently.

“I know I sure as hell am,” Yeonjun says tearing his eyes off of Soobin’s burning look, heading for the stairs without thinking twice.

Beomgyu panicked and ran after him, while Taehyun and Hueningkai shifted their attention to Soobin.

“Hyung, what was that about? Why did you come for Yeonjun’s throat like that?” Taehyun asks.

“Y-yeah, everything was fine this afternoon, I don’t get it,” Hueningkai adds.  

Soobin sighed, placing Mia next to him on the couch and off of his lap. “I’ll tell you some other time. Look after Mia for me. I’m going to go after them.”  

The younger ones just nodded at Soobin as he left, sprinting up the stairs two steps at a time.  

Johnny was the biggest clown you had ever met. He pretended as if you were an interested buyer as he was showing you around. Cracking joke after joke. He had opened at least 3 doors to rooms where people were either making out or doing the dirty. And every time he did he looked so flustered it was adorable.

“I’m gonna need them to put a sign on the door or something,” he says scratching the back of his head.  

You laugh at his comment and you realise you finally made it to the infamous gym-room.  

“There better not be any people having sex in here right now or else I’m going to throw up,” Johnny says opening the door carefully. He peaks his head through and sighs in relief. “Ok. It’s safe for us to go in,” he whispers opening the door for you, letting you walk in first. You giggle again at his comedic antics and you step inside. Your eyes skim the place and you swallow harshly.  

“Damn,” you say in awe of what you were seeing. “This room is as big as my whole apartment.”

“And it looks better than the campus gym,” you say letting your hand graze over the fancy equipment.  

“It is, isn’t it,” Johnny says sitting down on one of the benches. “So…” he starts.

You turn around and look at him. There’s a sudden tension that filled the room since you were secluded and the music from the party was barely audible. You were waiting for him to finish that sentence, looking at him expectantly.

“You’re dating Yeonjun?” he asks out of the blue.

You almost choke on air, coughing, widening your eyes at his sudden assumption.

“N-no, why?” you ask. “Does it seem that way?”  

Johnny chuckled at how flustered you got and leaned back, making himself comfortable on the benchpress. “Nah, I just noticed the two of you walking outside together, and when you got back, he wrapped his jacket around you and stuff. It was very cute.  Also, he glared at me when I gave you the drink. I swear Soobin told me you were single,” Johnny says putting his hands up in defeat.

“He glared at you?” You blink a couple of times, letting his observations register and sigh. “It’s complicated,” you say.

“Ahh, it’s one of those huh?” He smiles at you knowingly.  

You just nod. Not really knowing what else to say. “Well, if you ever get bored of him. You know where I live,” he says wiggling his eyebrows and you laugh at his bluntness.  

At that, the door swings open. The sudden bang of the door making impact with the wall made you jump and you knock over one of the dumbbells in the process which caused a loud thud as it made contact with the wooden floor.

The first one you see is Soobin, which made your blood boil. The second is Beomgyu, which made you realise that he’s probably the reason why Soobin is even standing here right now. But then you see Yeonjun’s face, making your eyes nearly pop out of your skull and suddenly, all the anger in your body subsides.

“What the f-” you can’t finish your sentence before Johnny cocks his eyebrow at the three musketeers standing in the doorway of HIS gym room. “Eh, hey guys?” He says a little confused at the way they barged in.  

‘Ah, y/n. W-we were looking for you,” Beomgyu starts.

“Having fun here?” Yeonjun says crossing his arms. He looked upset. And he wasn’t hiding it.  

The temperature in the room dropped below zero due to his tone alone. Shit. He’s mad.

“Oh…guys, guys. Please don’t get the wrong idea here. Y/n was curious about the gym room since I mentioned it. I was just showing her around. Besides she was standing out there all by herself,” Johnny explained lightly.  

Soobin sighed closing his eyes. “Ok so, Johnny. This might sound unbelievable since this is your house and all. But could you maybe like…give us the room…please.”

You just stand there frozen in the same spot as Yeonjun’s eyes are still peering into yours. You were trying to read his facial expression, but you couldn’t. If only you could read minds.  

“You’re right. That does sound unbelievable. But I get it” Johnny chuckles shrugging.

“Just don’t break anything,” he jokes as he got up. You gave him an apologetic look and he just winked at you, signing to you not to worry about it too much.  

You’re lucky that he’s so chill. Otherwise, this could have ended a lot differently.

When the door closed, the loud music from the ongoing party was muted again. Silence engulfed the room which made the atmosphere so much tenser than it was before. For some reason, your heart was pounding uncontrollably fast. You didn’t know whether to be sorry or angry or why they even barged in the way they did.

“Guys,” you start, exhaling. “I’m…lost? What’s going on?” You ask crossing your arms.

Yeonjun leaned against the wall, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. You didn’t do anything wrong, or did you? He expected to see a different image, maybe you on top of Johnny or vice versa. But it wasn’t anything like that. He didn’t understand why he felt so angry. He should’ve just taken you with him to the damn beer pong table, but the fact that you didn’t want to, confused him. Were you just playing him? Did you enjoy having him in the palm of his hands like that just to drop him? All of these thoughts were circling his mind, but he wasn’t man enough to voice them.  He hated how hard you were to read. He hated how you had him in the palm of his hand like that. It was a foreign feeling to him.

What are you doing to him? He swore he was ready to fuck Johnny up if he was touching you in any way. But why? Why did the thought alone bother him so much?

Soobin sighs, awkwardly shifting his weight from his left leg to his right leg, looking at Beomgyu giving him a sign to speak.  

“Eh…I saw you going up with Johnny and I thought he was somehow going to take advantage of you…so I told Soobin hyung and here we are,” he shrugged, fumbling with his fingers trying to avoid your burning stare. “I’m really sorry y/n. I was just worried,” Beomgyu explains.

You close your eyes for a second, letting it sink in. “I…appreciate the concern. But you know and especially Soobin knows, I’m not the type for one night stands. Especially with someone I just met all of two minutes ago….and also…not surrounded by exercise equipment,” you say waving your arm around at the room’s surroundings.  

“We’re sorry for jumping to conclusions,” Yeonjun suddenly said, breaking the silence. “It was wrong of us to interfere. We had no right to do so. It won’t happen again. Even if you were to mess around with Johnny it’s none of my…I mean our business.”  

Before you could say anything, Yeonjun had walked out of the room, leaving you speechless and confused. You wanted to run after him but you decided against that since it didn’t make sense to do so. Nothing made sense to you at the moment.

What would you even be running after?  

A million different questions circle your mind as you’re trying to understand why he looked so incredibly pissed at you.

Did you mess up? Did you blow your only chance to get close to Yeonjun for good? You can’t really comprehend what just happened, but sadness washes over you as you stare at the spot where Yeonjun was standing just seconds ago.  

Soobin’s eyes followed Yeonjun out the door and then his focus shifts to you. He noticed that you were upset and his harsh demeanor softens at the sight. “Beomgyu, can you go check on him?” Soobin asked softly still looking at you with worry emitting from his pupils.

The younger one nodded and walked out the door, confused as ever.

As the door closed behind Beomgyu, you break. You put your hands over your eyes and a small sob escapes your lips.  

You really don’t know why you were crying, but at the same time, you do.

You unintentionally blew the one chance you had with the guy you’ve had a crush one for over a year now and you didn’t know how to fix it. Because honestly, all of your feelings were unspoken, and before today you didn’t even realise you stood an actual chance with him.  

But given the way he reacted to finding you with Johnny, you just knew that he had felt the same way about you too. With an emphasis on the word ‘felt.’

On top of this, the frustration and pent up anger you had towards Soobin made you even more emotional. You hated fighting with him more than anything, especially if he is the one that’s right.

Soobin’s face literally crumbled at the sight. He’d probably seen you cry all of 5 times during your life long friendship, so he panicked.

He walked towards you, bending his knees to get to eye-level with you. He tried to remove your hands from your face but since you didn’t budge – because you were embarrassed – he just pulled you into his arms, patting your hair.  

“Shhh, w-why are you crying…please stop, or I’ll start crying too,” he sighs into your hair, still patting your head to comfort you.

You remove your hands from your face and look up, trying to sniff your tears back into your head.  

“Soobin I-” you look at him not able to finish your sentence as more tears escaped from your eyes.  

He inhaled sharply. “It’s ok, it’s ok. Take your time just please stop crying, you don’t need to explain right away,” he says quickly wiping your tears with the long sleeve of his shirt.  

“No, I do,” you sigh untangling yourself from his embrace. You shake off your bitch ass behaviour and collect yourself, taking deep breaths as you fix your face in the mirrored wall behind you.  

Soobin watched you like a hawk, afraid you would suddenly start crying again.

You sit down on the bench press and rake your hands through your hair.  

“Look, first off I need to apologise to you,” you said calmly.  

Soobin head snapped in your direction as you spoke. He walked over to you and sat down next to you on the way too small bench.  

“You? Apologise?” he nudges you playfully trying to lighten the mood. “That’s new.”  

You chuckle at his statement and sigh. “I don’t know why I was so mad at you. You were just looking out for me and I broke a promise I made to you by going after Yeonjun anyway and I’m sorry.”  

Soobin frowns, blinking a couple of times.

“Y/n. I can’t tell you who to date. I certainly can’t tell you who you should and shouldn’t have feelings for. It was wrong of me to push you into a direction you didn’t want to go in, but-”

“No,” you interrupt him, looking him in his eyes. “I get it. I do. It’s just that…the whole ‘Yeonjun just wants to fuck’ story doesn’t add up? He was so sweet. We have a lot in common, and I could tell he genuinely cared. He didn’t try to get in my pants ONCE, he didn’t even try to kiss me when we were alone together. He was just interested in me, as a person. Not as…some lust object,” you explain to your best ability.

Soobin sighed, letter your words register. “I have to admit; I’ve never seen him so worked up over a girl before.”  

You raise your eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that…he was upset y/n. He didn’t like seeing you with Johnny. When Beomgyu told me you went up with Johnny, you should’ve seen him. He overheard and immediately sprinted upstairs. I think he might really like you. Meaning that I was wrong. But you never know with him. It’s like he doesn’t want anyone to get close to him like that,” Soobin says rubbing his forehead. His head was pounding just thinking of the whole situation leading up to this very moment.

“Well, I just blew any chance I had with him,” you say playing with the rings on your fingers.  

“Not necessarily, I mean. It’s not like we caught you in the act or something. Nothing happened. Right?” Soobin asked looking at you.

“No. Nothing. Nothing at all,” you assure him.

Soobin just nods, licking his lips as he’s lost in thought. “Let me fix this,” he says determinedly.

“W-what?” you look up to him in surprise.

“I’ll talk to Yeonjun,” Soobin says reluctantly. “If I didn’t push Johnny into your direction this would have never happened. And also, I can’t see you cry. It hurts my insides,” he says avoiding eye contact.

For the first time in a while, you crack a smile, you nudge him. “Don’t get all soft on me now, you giant baby.”  

He just smiles, looking down at his hands that were situated in his lap. “Just don’t make me regret helping you out with this,” he said sighing.  

You wrap your arms around his waist hugging him, squeezing him to your best ability. “You’re the best, best friend in the whole entire world,” you say squishing your cheek against his. This earned a heartfelt giggle from him and he tries to push you off but you don’t let him.

“Ok, ok, ok. Stop it or else I won’t do it anymore”, he threatens and you let go immediately.

“Now let’s get you drunk. You’ve been through enough,” he chuckles getting up and pulling you up with him.

“Oh my god. Yes, please.”  

You arrive in the kitchen again, ready to get to Mia’s level of brain dead as you watch the jello shot jiggle in your hand.  

“You’re not having anything?” You ask Soobin, but he just shakes his head. “I’m driving, remember?”  

you nod, understanding. “Right, I guess I’ll just cheers you with your Coca Cola,” you snort.  

He smiles at you widely, before you bump your cups together. “To never fighting again,” you say raising your plastic shot glass.

“Agreed,” he says doing the same. And just like that, the shot slid down your throat. You were surprised at the amount of alcohol in it, but then you remembered you were at a frat party.  

Soobin smiled at the face you made as you tasted the jello. He put his cup down on the counter and looked around the room. Soobin’s eyes wandered from you to the hallway and he froze. Not being able to register what he just saw.

You noticed his gaze stopping, and you wave your hand in front of his face. “Soobin, my dude. You good?” You ask him, but he doesn’t respond. His eyes fixed on something behind you.

You frown at him, turning around to follow his gaze, and just as your eyes landed on what Soobin was seeing, your heart sank.

It was Yeonjun, sticking his tongue inside Yeji’s mouth as he pinned her against the wall. Passionately kissing each other like no one was watching.

“Oh, no,” Soobin said under his breath.  

A/N: Sorry. 

ATW’s in mine and the character's perspectives are open.

Chapter 3.

[lokis-army-77]

If You Please

Chapter twelve

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2588

This is technically a reader insert but without the (y/n) and all that. She also has no name mentioned so feel free to imagine as you please.

Follow the reader through the events of the Captain America movies and experience her love for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: none

Note: Normally I am the type of person to be date accurate when writing things and if you are too, I'm sorry. I messed up on the dates, so the battle of New York happens like a month after it should. This is also a short chapter because it's a filler and I'm trying to just get to the Winter Soldier but have everything make sense.

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Masterlist

A few days later I had received a small archivist job in the WWII department of the Smithsonian. Thankfully the made-up resume and a few fake SHIELD recommendations came in handy. I would officially start the following week after a few background checks were cleared. In my free time until then, I unpacked all the boxes in my apartment. It started to feel more homely and warm when all of my things filled up the space. When I didn’t feel like unpacking anything, I started taking long walks to the VFW building. I hadn’t joined in on any of the meetings yet, I just stood by the doorway and watched, listening to the stories people told.

One day that week as I stood back in the hallway after the meeting had ended, a man came up to me. He was a little taller than I was and had the brightest smile I had ever seen. I had watched him in the meetings before, he was usually the one hosting them, giving advice to all who needed it.

“I’ve seen you standing out here for the past three days, why don’t you come have a seat next time? It would be more comfortable than standing out here for an hour.” He said as he leaned his back against the wall right next to me.

“I have thought about it, but I tend to get here after you have started. I don’t want to interrupt anything by just barging in.” I said over my shoulder at him.

“You won't interrupt anything, just come on in next time, we’d be happy to have a new face around,” He pushed himself off the wall and walked down the hall.

After that, I ended up joining the meetings and even spoke a few times. I learned that the man who came up to me that day was Sam Wilson, pararescue, who had served two tours in Afghanistan. From the first day he came up and talked to me to now, we quickly became friends.

The days had turned into weeks and I was finally able to live relatively by my own means. The Smithsonian was great, in the archives, no one was really around and I could spend a whole day without any interruptions, which allowed me to just concentrate on what I was doing. After closing, I normally walked to meet Sam, who was usually way too excited to see me, even though we saw each other almost every day without fail.

“You’re late today.” I jumped, startled out of my thoughts at the sound of someone talking to me. I looked up, spying Sam standing next to one of the small trees outside the VFW building.

“What do you mean late?”

“I mean you usually get here at three-thirty. It's four right now.” He said looking down at his watch.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize. I've just been lost in my thoughts lately.” I sighed.

“I know we’ve only been friends for what? A month? But I already know when something is bothering you, What is it?”

“Nothing really, just my brother. Since moving here he's called at least twice a week to check up but it’s been radio silence for the past two weeks, he doesn't even answer when I try calling him. I'm just a little worried that something bad is going on, considering his job.”

“Well, maybe he’s just really busy at the moment, or he's somewhere he can't call you. You know how it is being out on those military missions.”

“I know, it’s just the last time we were apart on a mission,” I trailed off and looked up at Sam, he raised his eyebrows, quietly waiting for the end of the sentence. “Someone close to us passed. It’s still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday. I was there that day and I was too far away to even know what had happened, now my brother and I aren’t even in the same vicinity as each other, there is no telling what could happen and it makes me nervous.”

He gave me a small apologetic smile and patted my shoulder before leading me from the tree where we stood to where his car was parked. “What do you say we hang out at mine and just watch some tv? Get your mind off things? Or we can talk about it, either way, it’s better than dealing with it alone.” I nodded my head and grabbed onto the car door handle as he unlocked it.

Walking through the front door after him I took a quick look around. It was cozy, way more decorated than I thought it would be for a man in his early thirties living alone.

“Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink?” He asked neck-deep in the fridge.

“Okay, I’ll just have some water,” I called out as I made my way further into the living room. The couch was backed up to the wall a few feet away from the dining room table. I sat down on it and scooted as close as I could to its right arm. A few moments later Sam came over with two glasses of water and a bag of chips. He handed me my drink before crashing down into his own seat. “Thank you,” I said before taking a long sip.

He nodded as he said “No problem.” Before he got himself really comfortable he searched around for the TV remote. As he pressed the ‘on’ button the TV came to life. “What in the world is that?” He sounded concerned so I quickly looked at the screen.

“Breaking: Attack on New York City. This afternoon at 2:15 several unidentified aircraft descended onto Earth's surface. Strange beings, some are calling aliens, Accompanied these ships and are causing havoc in Manhattan. Eyewitnesses have stated that they have seen Iron Man, and what seemed to be Captain America, leading a team of three others fighting back against the invaders. The battle seems to be over but updates are still coming in, let's take a look at some footage of the downtown destruction.” My eyes went wide and my heart stopped as I listened to what the reporter was saying. I kept my eyes glued to the screen as it changed to show a destroyed street. As the camera panned around I spotted Steve fighting against two of the creatures, before the clip quickly changed to show one of the large ships crashing into the New York skyline.

“Oh God Steve, what did you get into?” I murmured to myself.

“You say that like you know him personally.”

“Uhh.” I just gave him a wide-eyed look of surprise. “I do, he’s my brother.”

“Now really isn’t the time to be joking about things,” He gave me a pointed look.

“I swear I’m not joking, he really is my brother. I can explain later, I need to try and get a hold of him.” I pulled out the small flip phone from my pocket and dialed the number for Steve's cell phone, it rang and rang but no answer. I hung up quickly and dialed the number Fury gave me at the beginning of the month. After two rings he answered.

“I assume you are looking for Captain Rogers.”

“Where is he? Is he okay?” I tried to keep the worried tone from coming through in my voice.

“He’s fine. He is in the middle of a debriefing. I’ll tell him you called.”

“Okay, thank you.” As soon as the words left my mouth he gave a quick hum and then hung up. I looked over at Sam whose eyes hadn't left me at all. “Everything is fine, he's in a debrief so that means that whatever happened in New York is definitely over.”

“That’s good to hear, hopefully, those things don’t try to come back again.” He shook like a shiver ran down his spine. “Now please explain how Captain America, a man from the 1940s, is your brother.”

“I can hear the skepticism in your voice.”

He held his hands up in defense, “Hey, I'm not the one saying I'm the sister to a 90 something-year-old man.”

“Look, it’s a long story that I would rather not get into now but the short version is that I was born in 1921, Steve is my older brother, we both ended up taking the super-soldier serum and fought against HYDRA in the second world war. We ended up crashing a plane into some Ice in the Atlantic ocean and were found and unfrozen last October.” “If you are really Captain America’s sister, then why are you never mentioned in anything?” I looked at him and shook my head.

“Well for starters it was the forties and I was a woman fighting on the front lines. Credit is never given where it is due. But there is also the fact that I was a part of the SSR, which was very secretive, after I died.” I put my fingers up in air quotes, “They should have erased most, if not all the files on me, per protocol. The only reason Steve is well known is because of his time going cross country selling war bonds.” I paused for a second before quickly adding, “I’m sure if you look hard enough, you’ll find me in the history books somewhere.”

Sam just sat there not really saying anything. This was the first time I think he had ever been quiet for more than five seconds. I let out a deep sigh and stood, grabbing my bag from the floor. “Thanks for having me over, but I think I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood and walked me to the door.

“Don’t be late. I’ll see you.” Sam waved me off and I headed down the street.

About half a year later while sorting through some archive files, I came across Peggy Carter. I felt a pang in my heart as I stared at the photo of her standing next to Howard Stark. Other than Steve and Bucky, those two were my closest friends. I fell down a rabbit hole after that, finding any information on the two that I could find. They had both helped found SHIELD in 1965, they had both gotten married and had children of their own. Peggy's children had stayed out of the public eye, but in true Stark fashion, Howard’s son evidently took over the family business and was living the high life. I pulled out a newspaper from the stack I had on the table in front of me and was shocked at what I saw. The title read ‘Howard and Maria Stark Die in Car Accident’, I knew Howard most likely wasn’t alive anymore but seeing the photographs of the wrecked car in the newspaper cast a somber mood through the room.

I laid the paper down on the table and ruffled through more of the papers before determining that we had no information on if Peggy was alive or not. That sent me into a frenzy of looking through phone books to try and find her and calling every retirement home in DC that I could. The only lead I had to go off of was a small interview from a newspaper, talking to Peggy about the seventieth anniversary of V-E Day, stated that she was living in Washington, DC.

After eight failed calls, finally, on the ninth, I had finally found a home which had a Peggy Carter as a residence in room 204. I rushed to pack up my things and left my office early. I ran down the back hallways as fast as I could without drawing too much attention. When I made it out of the building I ran full speed to the road to hail a cab.

Amazingly the traffic was almost nonexistent and I made it to the retirement home in only ten minutes. I fumbled out of the cab and I raced through the front doors of the building. I must have startled the women at the front desk because as soon as I rounded the corner to the staircase, they were yelling after me. I took the steps three at a time in my haste to get to the second floor. I stopped running when I was outside of room 204. I couldn’t see anything clearly through the frosted window so I knocked hesitantly and slowly opened the door and stepped in.

There in the middle of the room, against the wall was a single bed. A woman laid there quietly with her eyes closed. The closer I came to her the more familiar she looked. I let out a relieved gush of breath. There she was, older now, but still the Peggy I once knew. I nervously grabbed one of the chairs in the corner of the room and brought it over to her bedside so I could sit. Gently I gave her a small tap on the hand before just holding it in mine. She stirred but her eyes never opened.

All of a sudden one of the nurses from downstairs came into the room, with an angry and shocked expression.

“Ma’am, You can't be in here. If you want to see a patient, you have to sign in.” I ignored her, my eyes trained on Peggy's face. The commotion of the woman barging into the room had made her open her eyes and look around. I just watched as she scanned the room, first to the door on the left, to the wall in front of her, past me sitting on her right, then to the window behind me.” Her brows raised and she lifted her hands to her eyes to rub. The shock on her face was evident as she turned her head to stare directly at me.

“Hey Carter, long time no see huh?” I gave her the biggest smile that I could.

“Is it really you?” She reached her hand out to mine and grabbed hold.

“It is, it’s really me.”

“Ma’am, I mean it, you can't be here.” The nurse tried again, this time Peggy shot her a glare.

“Ms. I’ll have you know this is one of my best friends and she can be in here if she wants to. Now leave us alone.” The young nurse nodded her head and rushed out, even in old age she could still put on that commanding tone that struck fear in every man. She slowly turned back to me, almost like if she looked back for me, I would be gone. “How? How are you here?”

“It’s a long story Peg, are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Look where I am, I have nothing but time.” She laughed out and I let out my own small laugh as I shook my head.

In addition to what I had been doing, like hanging out with Sam, after that first visit, I made it a priority to see Peggy once or twice every two weeks, depending on how she was doing. Dementia had put a lot of stress on her, and seeing me after almost seventy-five years and looking relatively the same as I had when frozen took out a giant toll on her.

And that's how the next 10 months went until Steve eventually moved into an apartment directly under me.

Tag List: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @underc0vercryptid-reads @geek-and-proud @intothesoul @leyannrae @starkleila

[dharc16]

10 WAYS TO CELEBRATE THE AUTUMN EQUINOX

The Autumnal Equinox is the time of year when daylight and nighttime are equal. After the Autumnal Equinox, the darkness will begin to win the battle, gaining an extra minute or so every day as we progress towards winter. Now is the time when nature begins to slow and the harvests become less plentiful. Though the autumn equinox can arrive as early as September 20th or 21st depending on solar patterns, this year it falls on September 22nd. So get ready to celebrate!

Like most Sabbats that are celebrated later in the year, the autumn equinox is about reflection and letting go of that which does not serve us any longer. It's a chance to slough off the old and prepare for rest. We clean out that which piled up during the business of summer and store up that which we will need for our winter rest. The colors of the Autumn Equinox are just as rich and warming as the colors of autumn—deep crimson, vibrant orange, lustrous gold, and earthy brown. If you're planning a feast, make sure to include all the fall bounties as well as late summer fruits and vegetables. Pumpkin, squash, berries, nuts, and corn are all fantastic inclusions. Looking for specific ideas on how to celebrate the Autumn Equinox without costing a mint? You've come to the right place! Here are 10 wonderful ways to celebrate for free or for little cost!

MAKE POPCORN

What's more cozy than snuggling under a blanket with a big bowl of buttered popcorn? Of course, you could always watch a movie, but why not take your treat outside to watch nature instead? Inhale that fragrant autumn air. Really take a few moments to appreciate the breathtaking hues of the trees. Watch the birds and squirrels as they prepare for winter. Simply take in the magnificence of the season. And if you're in a generous mood, leave a few un-buttered pieces of popcorn for the critters.

BALANCE YOUR CHAKRAS 

The Autumn Equinox is a time to find balance in your life. But while we tend to immediately think of time constraints as a place to find balance (work versus family time, family time versus self-care), when was the last time you balanced your spiritual centers?If you're not familiar, chakras are points of energy on the body that have spiritual as well as physical impact. When they are balanced, life is good. When they are imbalanced, we have unwanted manifestations, such as illness and financial troubles. The good news is balancing them is as simple as taking a few minutes for visualization! Like any visualization, chakra balancing gets easier with practice, so don't feel discouraged if you have trouble focusing during your first go around or two. A nice, simple chakra meditation can be found on YouTube. Get a blanket, find a quiet spot under a tree, and take some time to balance your chakras this Mabon! You'll be glad you did. Bonus points if you plant your feet in the soil and get your earthing on!

HAVE A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE

Admittedly, this suggestion is a little self-benefiting. But what's autumn without a warm drink laced with cinnamon and nutmeg? You can certainly buy one at your favorite coffee shop, but why not make one? I'm betting you already have the ingredients on hand. Take the time to really savor the process. Inhale the nutty aroma of the coffee before you brew it. Watch as the creamer turns your drink into a rich caramel color. Savor the first sip without scarfing down the entire drink. Life is a lot more pleasurable when we take time to relish the things we enjoy. Sit outside with your homemade brew, breathe deep inhalations of that luscious autumn air, and simply BE.

FOCUS ON GRATITUDE AND THANKSGIVING

With Autumn Equinox being a time of reflection and balance, what better way to celebrate than to make a list for all that you are thankful for? Take a notebook to the park and make a list of everything you appreciate—from big things, like your family or health, to small things, like hot cocoa and fuzzy slipper socks. Feeling crafty? Make a gratitude tree! Simply find a funky fallen twig that has lots of little branchy offshoots to hold your leaves. Place the twig (or twigs) in a pot of stones so it's standing upright, like a miniature dead tree. Collect fallen leaves or cut your own from construction paper. Write something you're grateful for on each leaf. Tape on a loop of string or thread, and hang the leaves from your twig! Beauty and function— my favorite!And remember, crafts don't need to be limited to children. Our children are grown and gone, yet we make a gratitude tree every year for Thanksgiving by adding one leaf a day for each day in November leading up to the big feast! Festiveness isn't just reserved for those too young to drive. Embrace life! Live it with all you've got! And don't forget to be grateful!

BRING IN SOME NATURE 

If you're anything like me, you're just itching to get something decorative in your home this fall. We don't really get in to decorating for Halloween with ghosts and goblins because we don't celebrate the way that most people in America do. We celebrate it the Christian way, not the pagan way. Why not take a nature walk and collect whatever beautiful, natural treasures you stumble upon? Colored leaves. Acorns. Gnarled twigs. Pine cones. Cool rocks. Bring a bag and collect whatever catches your eye. Arrange it on a table or counter top when you get home, throw in a candle or two (maybe gold and red) and you've got yourself an instant natural Mabon altar! You can even leave your natural masterpiece up for a few weeks as a spectacular (and FREE!) fall decoration!

WELCOME IN THE DARKNESS 

As the sun sets on the Autumn Equinox, we welcome in the darkness of the coming season. Grab a blanket, some lawn chairs, and allow yourself to be fully in the moment as the sun sets this equinox. Once the orange globe has dipped below the horizon, breathe in the darkness of fall and honor the tranquil introspection this season inspires. With tea, of course!

BRING ON THE COZY 

Having spent most of my life in Texas, what I miss most about autumn is the coziness. Soft sweaters. Knitted throws. Hot drinks. Crisp morning air. Chilly noses on rainy days. Envelop yourself in the coziness of autumn, even if, like here in Texas, you are still running the air conditioner and suffering in 90 degree weather. Whether that means decorating your home in autumnal flare, lighting a pumpkin-spice candle, or baking a cinnamon-scented apple pie, do something special that puts you in that autumn state of mind.

TAKE IT IN

The best part of autumn is undoubtedly the simplicity. Life seems to slow down just a little, following the graceful dance of nature herself. Take the time to slowdown alongside her. Treat yourself to a pumpkin latte, head over to your favorite park or even your own backyard, and just exist. Watch the passersby as you sip your drink. Observe the colors of autumn, the slight crisp that's beginning to blossom in the air, the chatter of birds as they prepare for winter. Breathe deep. Slow your mind. Just exist. It's something we don't do often enough, but fall is most definitely the time for it!

FIND BALANCE

 Whether autumnal or vernal, equinoxes are the perfect opportunity to find balance, just like nature! If you've been doing a little too much of anything—eating, working, worrying, whatever!—now is the time to take a step back and evaluate how to change your behavior in favor of a more healthy approach. Remember, anything in excess is damaging. Even drinking too much water will kill you.I know! Crazy, right?!If you find it difficult to disconnect from work. If your vice is copious amounts of sugar. If exercise has become obsessive. If spending has exceeded income, take the time to make positive changes. NOT to belittle and berate yourself. NOT to feel guilty and swim among the self-loathing waters. Objectively look at the situation, find a reasonable solution, and make changes. Shame doesn't fix the problem. It's a warning bell that alerts us to the need for change. Nothing more. Take a deep breath of that fresh autumn air and start again. You've got this!

CINNAMON FLAMES

Autumn seems to bring out the craving for bonfires and campfires. If you're lighting one up this Autumn Equinox, toss in a couple of cinnamon sticks for good luck in the coming season. Plus your backyard will smell heavenly!

Whether you use this time to reflect or to indulge, I hope you have a spectacular Autumn Equinox celebration filled with love, coziness, and an extra dash of magic! BLESSED BE!

[mopeytropey]

a beer buds series: chapter 6

Timeline: takes place during chapter 5 of ‘apu’ just before Lexa and Clarke get a little too drunk while watching movies (oops!) in which they fall asleep on Clarke's couch together (oops again!), subsequently commencing what I like to call The Separation

Beer: Free Rise (MOSAIC) DRY-HOPPED SAISON

This edition of Free Rise highlights locally sourced Danko Rye from Valley Malt and Mosaic in the dry hop. A nuanced fruity hop profile is balanced with subtle, crisp malt character and expressive notes of pepper and clove. Light in body, with a clean, bone-dry finish.

ABV 7.3%

Posted on AO3 here or below the cut :)

Free Rise: Trillium Brewing Co (Fenway/Boston, MA) :::

“This newer location is great, but you really need to experience their beer garden next summer on the green. Clarke is obsessed with it—chances are she’ll probably drag you there at some point.”

Lincoln says it so casually, and the image that Lexa begins to paint comes effortlessly.

She and Clarke on a day trip to Boston in mid June, sharing sips of beer and sampling local food trucks in the afternoon sun. Clarke’s rasping laughter drifting through the park as Lexa is further charmed, relaxing in the warm sun and nearby ocean breezes.

She would allow Clarke to drag her any number of places, Lexa thinks. Given the opportunity.

“I’m excited to see both locations,” she says to Lincoln, as if her mind hadn’t drifted into an idyllic landscape of some potential future.

It’s what she’s begun to sense as of late: possibility.

A recent glimmer of hope has been sparking at the periphery of Lexa’s consciousness. There’s the exhilaration of what might be possible for her and Clarke, even in its uncertainty. Even if she doesn’t have any control over it. She can feel the potential of things to come buzzing through her even now, as she and Lincoln walk under the looming, green shadows of Fenway Park.

“Have you been?” Lincoln asks, nodding towards the infamous baseball park that sits in the heart of the city, surrounded by bars and businesses and gawking tourists.

“Not yet.”

“We should go—I haven’t had anyone to hate watch the Red Sox with in years.”

Lexa smiles up at him. “A cherished pastime.”

They swap baseball stats and playoff predictions while walking down the stretch of Brookline Ave between historic Fenway and Trillium. The city air is crisp and cool, and Lexa almost wishes for a jacket, but the chill invigorates her already vibrant mood. Upcoming plans with Clarke have filled her with an unchecked buoyancy.  

Costia had left that morning for her weekend away with a parting kiss to Lexa’s temple, a warm hand cupped around the back of her neck.

Safe, perfunctory. Everything that Lexa has begun to associate with Costia.

“Can we try to talk about this again when I get back?”

For once, Lexa hadn’t flinched at the mention of Costia’s research grant and its implications for their relationship. “Sure.”

The extent of their goodbye at the door of their apartment had been Costia’s soft look and Lexa’s small smile as she briefly squeezed Costia’s fingers.

There had been a time when impending distance felt torturous—longing would spring up after only hours apart, and Lexa would ache to see her again.

Those moments for them, like so many others, are gone now.

And, if they have lost their weight, if they are no more than performative interactions between them, Lexa has begun to wonder: what’s left?

What is it that has kept her clinging to Costia so willfully?

Lexa has always excelled at making sense of her life and maintaining control, even amidst the chaos and unpredictability that has so often plagued her. She considers herself a rational person with a reasonable sense of the world, particularly the mechanics of her interpersonal relationships.

Being with Costia had been no different. From the very start, they just made sense. Lexa has always found comfort in the expected, seeking logic and practicality in her daily life.

At least, historically.

Ever since Clarke (clumsily) breezed into her life, Lexa hasn’t felt entirely reasonable about much of anything. Clarke is still unfamiliar in many ways. Her entire friendship has been fortuitous, unprecedented. It’s the first time in Lexa’s entire life that she has been irrevocably drawn towards such palpable uncertainty.

“This weather is perfect—I love it up here at this time of year,” Lincoln says.

Lexa breathes in deeply, anchoring herself to this moment and quieting the thoughts of her indeterminate future. “It’s great,” she smiles and continues in stride with Lincoln’s comforting shadow cast over her.

:::

The taproom is stunning: polished wood in every direction, exposed light bulbs hanging from an open ceiling, and thirty-foot glass doors stretching along an entire wall. In the warmer months, Lexa imagines the doors opening to a cluttered patio. In the early autumn temperatures, the patio is empty and half of the room inside is bathed in natural light while the other remains dim and cozy.

Lincoln heads straight for the bar counter. While a handful of other patrons have favored the couches near the windows, the bar sits empty.

“Hey guys.” A woman around their age approaches from behind the bar. She slides two menus in front of them as Lexa takes her seat beside Lincoln. “Here’s what we’re currently pouring on tap. Cans are listed at the bottom. You need a minute?”

“That’d be great. Thanks,” Lincoln answers.

The woman walks away with a smile that Lexa catches only as she looks up from her menu.

Lincoln drums his hands against the counter top. “Oh shit, I know what I’m getting.”

“That was quick,” Lexa says, returning her attention to the draft pours.

“Their gose is ridiculously good.”

“I think I’m going to do the farmhouse.”

“Did you two decide?” The bartender is already approaching as Lexa glances up from her menu. “Sorry—I wasn’t trying to hover, but it’s pretty dead in here today.”

“No worries.” Lexa offers a brief smile and watches the woman’s face transform, brightening as she stops directly in front of her and braces her arms against the edge of the counter.

“I’m gonna do the gose,” Lincoln says.

“And, I’ll do the Free Rise,” Lexa adds.

“That one is my favorite,” the bartender responds, grinning at Lexa as she retrieves their menus. “Be right back with those for you.”

“Thank you,” Lexa says while reaching for her phone that has buzzed twice from the front pocket of her jeans.

She’s fighting a grin at the messages she finds, simultaneously typing her response as Clarke continues her barrage of nonsense, and doesn’t catch the odd look Lincoln is giving her until she slides her phone onto the bar top.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shrugs, still looking too pleased for Lexa’s comfort. “So, what else are you up to this weekend? You wanna come check out the new poke bowl spot with me and O tomorrow?”

“I’m supposed to watch movies with Clarke tomorrow night—what time were you thinking of going?”

“No idea. I’ll let you know though. Or, you know, bring her with you. We can make it a foursome.”

His suggestion has her ridiculously flustered for what could be no more than an invitation to hang out with three of her friends. But, it’s Lincoln, and Lexa knows better than to underestimate his scheming.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ll, um, I’ll ask her,” Lexa answers, almost immediately distracted again by the vibration of her phone.

She’s still rolling her eyes at Clarke’s entirely ridiculous diatribe about the validity of poorly written screenplays of the early 90s when the woman behind the bar returns with their drinks.

“Here we go. Should I start a tab for you?”

“Um, sure,” Lincoln responds. He fishes out his debit card from his wallet and slides it across the bar counter.

“I really love your sweater, by the way.”

There’s a brief, weighted pause following the sound of the woman’s voice, and Lexa looks up from her phone when she realizes the compliment was meant for her.

“Oh. Thanks.” She flashes another momentary smile before reaching for her beer and sending off her scathing rebuke for Clarke’s lack of cinematic prowess.

The absolute ire that it will produce and the irritated messages that will follow almost make Lexa giggle in public. Pushing Clarke’s buttons has become an accidentally honed skill.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you not the same person who told me—not two weeks ago—that having beautiful women flirting with you typically grabs your attention?”

Lexa closes her phone instantly, replacing it to her jeans pocket where she hopes it will be safe from Lincoln’s insightful observations. Like getting caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she attempts to clear her face of any guilt as she looks over at Lincoln because Clarke had not been flirting with her in the first place. They have merely been discussing preferences in film through a medium of quick wit and lightly antagonistic banter.

“What are you talking about?”

Lincoln’s voice drops to an even lower volume as he leans towards her. “That bartender has been chatting you up since we walked in, and you seem to be on another planet right now.”

“She was not—”

“Oh-ho-ho,” Lincoln laughs. “Believe me. She definitely was.”

Lexa chances a quick glance down the length of the bar towards the woman polishing glassware. She looks up before Lexa can avert her gaze, and that same smile is back. Lexa’s stomach drops regretfully.

She hadn’t registered the blatant interest from their bartender nor her physical features, which are, objectionably, quite attractive.

Damn it, Lincoln.

“How is it?” the woman calls out, and Lexa raises her glass with a forced smile.

She takes a sip, pretending it isn’t her first, and can actually feel Lincoln fighting a smile to her left. “It’s great. Thanks.”

“Maybe having multiple beautiful woman flirting with you simultaneously is throwing you off,” Lincoln stage whispers, gleefully watching Lexa’s discomfort until she kicks his leg with the toe of her sneaker.

“I’m ignoring you now.”

“Oh good,” Lincoln laughs, “this should be a fun hang then.”

Lexa’s phone continues to alert her of Clarke’s persistence, or so she assumes by the rapidity at which it vibrates. Clarke never sends one, moderate length text when she could send 12 fragmented messages in quick succession. She reaches into her pocket to silence her notifications when Lincoln gently pokes a finger into her tricep.

“I’m just giving you a hard time. You know I don’t give a shit if you text Clarke while we hang out. She’s my buddy.”

“Why are you assuming I was texting with Clarke?” Lexa can hear the edge to her voice and reaches for a drink of her saison to lessen her defenses.

“Wild guess.”

Even Lexa is relatively powerless to Lincoln’s smirking charm and fights a smile of her own when their eyes meet.

“We’re debating movie selections for tomorrow,” she shares. “Her taste in film is generally abhorrent.”

“You two are always fighting about something.”

“Not intentionally. But, Clarke can be very … frustrating,” Lexa admits with a soft scowl into her beer. Lincoln laughs in response and she exhales. “We’re extremely different people.”

“Yeah, but differences are good. At least she keeps things interesting.”

Lexa barely manages not to choke on her beer, swallowing inelegantly. “That is one way to put it.”

“So, Costia is gone until Monday?”

Lexa tries not to let the abrupt change in conversation jar her. “Yeah.”

“Where’s the conference again?”

“D.C.” Lexa clears her throat, tracing a ring of condensation with her index finger against the bar. “Johns Hopkins.”

“How have things been? Any better?”

“Define better.”

Lincoln grimaces sympathetically at Lexa’s unmasked cynicism, and she exhales a cleansing breath. She’s determined not to make this yet another installment of airing her grievances of a stalled relationship, like so many times before. Lincoln is too kind and too selfless—she doesn’t want to take advantage of his friendship by making everything about herself all the time.

“Sorry,” she says softly. “I guess I don’t know how to determine if things are improving or not. But, we’re trying to be more realistic about our relationship at the very least. Talking a bit more. She’s been pursuing this research grant, which would mean almost a full year apart as she works abroad.”

“Damn.”

“I know. I took the news spectacularly well, as you might imagine.”

“Lost your shit a little bit?”

Lexa huffs a laugh and pulls on the sleeve of her sweater. “I think you accused me of being particularly homicidal that morning?”

Lincoln tips back in his stool with a laugh. “Ah, yes—I knew it.”

“Thank you for gloating at my expense,” Lexa responds drolly.

“Sorry.” Lincoln clears the laughter from his voice and attempts composure. “So, what’s the plan? Wait and see if her proposal is accepted?”

Lexa swallows down a mouthful of beer and runs a hand through her hair. “I think we have plenty to talk about even if she doesn’t get the grant, but yeah. We’re supposed to talk when she gets back.”

“That’s really good, Lex.” Lincoln’s gentle timbre is warm and reassuring, all prodding humor gone from his tone. “I mean, it’s tough, but avoidance is also generally unhelpful.”

“Yes, I’ve realized.” Lexa smiles over at him, feeling better already.

Lincoln then asks, “What about Clarke?” and her momentary sense of relief vanishes.  

She’s either gone extremely pale or is blushing fiercely because she feels both an icy chill and too hot all at once. She barely manages to respond without her voice shaking awkwardly. “What about Clarke?”

Lincoln is unfazed, lightly flicking his finger against her forehead as if they’re still thirteen and riding a noisy subway car. “She’s supposed to be your best friend, dummy. You should talk to her about this stuff.”

She’s never considered mentioning anything of significance about Costia to Clarke. It’s always seemed to Lexa, unsurprisingly, like a conflict of interest. Clarke will often inquire about Costia’s schooling, graciously concerned for her well-being within a demanding graduate program. In turn, Lexa offers her standard replies, never wanting to delve too far into their dynamic for fear it would reveal too much and ruin everything. Her life for the past several months has relied entirely on a delicate balance. Saying too much too soon could be perilous.    

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Hey guys, are we ready for another round?”

The unexpected sound of the bartender’s voice startles Lexa out of her thoughts, and she looks up to see that her beer is, in fact, empty.

“I’d like to try what he was drinking, actually,” Lexa tells her.

“You know what? I’m going to do the farmhouse,” Lincoln announces and slides their glasses closer to the woman standing in front of them.

She laughs easily while reaching for their empty glassware. It’s a nice laugh, ringing pleasantly in the quiet taproom. Even still, Lexa can’t help but register how much it pales in comparison to the addicting notes of Clarke’s distinctive laughter.

“Okay so two more of the same but in reverse,” the woman confirms. “Got it.”

As she leaves them, Lexa spins in her stool, determined to shift gears away from her indecisiveness. “Things with you and Octavia are going well?”

“Yeah,” Lincoln smiles. “Really great. She’s probably way too good for me, but I’m going to keep my mouth shut and hope she never figures it out.”

Lexa arches an eyebrow. “Do we need to sort through your abandonment trauma now? Because I thought we promised each other years ago that we would stop belittling our own self-worth.”

“No, no,” Lincoln laughs. “I’m good, I swear.” He shrugs a moment later and scratches his head. “Old habits.”

“There is no one too good for you, but if there were ever a perfect match out there, it’s Octavia.”  

The bartender returns with their drinks before Lincoln can respond, but he looks at her as if Lexa has just gifted him the cosmos and reaches out to squeeze her shoulder. Their next beer turns to idle chatter, old memories, sports, and shop talk. Lexa checks her messages while Lincoln is in the bathroom and finds that Clarke has not conceded any of her poorly formed arguments by even a fraction. The fiery retorts on her screen breed a smile so wide that she doesn’t manage to temper it by the time Lincoln returns.

If she were at liberty to be more honest, she would tell Clarke that it doesn’t matter what movies they watch. She’s just happy to be spending more time together. Instead, she slides her phone back into her pocket and stands beside her stool, stretching the stiff muscles of her back.

“You ready to go?”

Lexa smiles in response and nods.

They thank their bartender and exit the taproom into a setting sun. The foot traffic down Brookline Avenue is busier at the 5:00 hour as city workers rush towards their staggering commutes home. Lexa is lost in thought, still pondering her evening with Clarke the following day, when Lincoln abruptly pulls her down a side street with his hand wrapped around her elbow.

“Oh wait—this way.”

“Um, where the hell are we going?” Lexa asks when their course has been rerouted away from Lincoln’s car.

“I just decided I’m gonna take you for the best burger of your life. Storrow Drive is a parking lot right now anyway—it could take us hours to get home if we leave now. Let’s eat first and then drive back.”

In no rush to return to her empty apartment, Lexa shrugs easily. “Yeah, sure.” Being in Lincoln’s company is almost always preferable to anything else anyway.

After a moment’s pause, he nudges her with his elbow as they walk and is grinning stupidly when Lexa looks up at him. “If you really want to make Clarke mad, tell her we’re about to walk into Tasty Burger.”

Lexa has spent the better part of the year feeling unmoored by a lack of purpose. She has been draped in uncertainty and self-doubt after abandoning her life in New York. And while she still feels plagued by indecision, she’s also grateful for the choices she’s made that have brought her here, walking in stride with an old friend.  

She returns Lincoln’s smile and reaches for her phone.  

:::

[ceealaina]

Title: In My Dreams I Turn You On - Chapter 2 Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: K5 - Mutual Pining Ship: WinterIron Rating: Explicit Major Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers Summary: Tony’s crushing hard on his new massage therapist, but doesn’t want to be a sleazy businessman. Bucky’s crushing hard on his latest client, but doesn’t want to take advantage of him in a vulnerable position. So they handle it like any sane adults - pretend it’s not happening and refuse to discuss it. At least they both have terrible friends to help them through it. Word Count: 11,067 Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

And that makes a bingo!

Tony tried to resist, really he did, tried to be logical about it all. Look at the facts: James was exactly his type, as much as Tony had ever had one. And he’d had his hands all over Tony’s body — professionally, but for someone as tactile as Tony was, touch was touch. It made sense that he’d react to that, especially since it had maybe been awhile since he’d had someone in his life in that particular capacity. Tony had thought, or at least hoped, that with a bit of space and a good night’s sleep, he’d move on. 

But when, nearly a week later, he was still thinking about James’ laugh, thinking about how loose and relaxed he had felt afterwards, when he was still trying to keep his mind from drifting to blue eyes and a low husky voice when he jerked off at night… He caved. Telling himself that he’d probably built James up in his mind, that if he saw him in person again he’d be able to find a flaw, talk himself out of his silly crush, he booked another massage. And then he may or may not have slipped into the system to ensure that it was James who was assigned as his therapist.

He jerked off beforehand this time, just in case. It had been awhile since he’d been laid. Maybe last time he’d been a little touch starved, and his body had just felt good and his brain had run with it. 

Tony had always been very good at mental gymnastics. 

But the second he walked in the door and spotted James, he knew all his planning had been for nothing. 

James was leaning casually against the table where he kept all his supplies. He had one leg crossed over the other at the ankle, which pulled the fabric of his pants tight across his gorgeously thick thighs, and made Tony want nothing more than to straddle them right here. James was peering down a chart in his hand, tongue poking out between his teeth adorably, but he looked up with a smile at the sound of the door. 

“Hey Mr.-- uh, Tony.” He gave him a brilliant grin, a little flustered, and Tony honest to god felt his knees go weak. 

“Hello, James,” Tony replied, and then immediately wanted to kick himself because his voice had dropped to a lower register, and really, could he sound like more of a sleazy businessman? He smiled, hoping to offset the creepiness, and he could feel his face stretch into something ridiculous and manic. Oh god, is that what his smile always seemed like? He suddenly couldn’t remember what felt normal for his face, or his hands for that matter. Clearing his throat, he tried to come up with something — anything — normal to say. “‘Sup?” 

That… Was not it.

If James had noticed what an absolute weirdo Tony was being, he didn’t comment, just smiled at him brightly. His smile was somehow even more gorgeous that Tony had remembered. 

“Nothing much,” he told him, like ‘sup’ was a perfectly normal, non-90s way of greeting someone. “Headed up to Boston over the weekend. Birthday trip?”

“Really?” Tony latched onto the fact like a dying man. Boston he knew. Boston, he could talk about with something almost resembling normalcy. “I went to school in Boston.” 

James arched an eyebrow at that, and Tony hid a wince because duh, Stark, everyone knew that. 

“What, uh… What did you do there?” 

“Um…” There was the faintest hint of a blush staining Bucky’s cheeks “Well. We had a whole bunch of stuff planned, but then we accidentally spent an entire day at the Museum of Science, so…” 

Tony’s eyes went wide. “Oh my god,” he breathed. “You’re a nerd.” 

A second later it occurred to him that most people probably wouldn’t take that like the compliment it was, but fortunately James didn’t seem offended. 

“Little bit, yeah,” he admitted, rubbing at his lower lip to hide what Tony personally thought was an absolutely adorable smile. 

“What did you see? Did you get to the new exhibit on advanced AI?”

James huffed out a little laugh. “Tell you what,” he offered. “We’re cutting into your ninety minutes, so why don’t we get started and then I promise I’ll regale you with science stories while I work.” 

Tony had honestly forgotten why he was even here for a moment. He blinked at James a moment. “Am I dreaming right now? A massage from— from you.” He stumbled a little awkwardly over the words. He’d been about to say ‘a gorgeous man.’ “And we get to talk science? Sounds fake, but okay. Also, I would just like to point out that I am kind of the boss. If we want to take more than ninety minutes, I’m pretty sure we can do that.”

James snorted. “I like how you assume I don’t have anything else going on after this.” 

“Do you?” Tony asked, before he could stop himself. 

James shrugged. “Not really,” he admitted, grinning. From what Tony could tell, he seemed genuinely amused and not ‘you technically employ me so I’ve gotta laugh’ amused. “I’ve got another appointment, after you, and then that’s it. All free and clear.” 

There was a long moment then, both of them looking at each other in a way that, to Tony at least, felt heavy. Expectant. It would be so easy to just ask if he wanted to grab dinner, or coffee after. 

“Professionalism,” he managed to get out instead. “I like that.” 

James grinned back at him, and Tony told himself that he was imagining the slight tinge of disappointment to it. 

***

True to his word, once they’d gone over Tony’s problem areas, and he was settled comfy-cozy beneath the sheets, and James had returned to the room and gotten started on Tony’s back, he told him in perfect detail about his time at the science museum. He hadn’t been kidding about being ‘a little bit’ of a nerd; the way he’d get distracted on tangents, practically yelling in excitement until he remembered where he was and tamped it down again, was making Tony all kinds of nostalgic for being at MIT with Rhodey. 

He could feel himself falling a little harder with each passing second. 

Tony resisted the urge to jump in, to go into science teacher mode, because he’d gotten feedback in the past that that was a bit of a turn off. He didn’t point out that he’d actually been a consultant in the museum’s collaboration with MIT on the AI exhibit — James probably would have read that in the exhibit info, and if he hadn’t then Tony bragging about it wasn’t going to endear him in any way. But he couldn’t stop himself from fishing for a bit more information.

“So,” he managed, when there was an appropriate lull in the conversation (thankfully not cutting James off mid-word, like he had when he’d gotten a little too over enthusiastic about nanoparticles). “Who’d you go with? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Your... more intelligent than the average bear?” 

He could feel his neck heat, was glad that the room was dark, that he was lying face down so James couldn’t see the truly ridiculous facial expressions he was probably making right now. 

James made a faint noise that Tony couldn’t quite interpret. “Uh. No, nothing like that. I mean, Stevie’s dumber’n a bear sometimes, but no. Just some friends.” There was a brief hesitation, and then, softer, “Besides, you’d have to have one of those to take them with you.” 

Tony felt a stupid grin cross his face, even more relieved that he was facing the floor. “Yeah, that, uh… That’ll help,” he managed. 

The rest of the session passed entirely too quickly, and before he knew it James was taking a step back, telling him to take it easy and drink lots of water today. Tony hummed out a vague agreement, staring a little dazed up at the ceiling. James huffed out a soft laugh and then hesitated for the briefest of moments at the doorway. 

“It was nice seeing you today, Tony. Hope I’ll see you again soon.”

And then he was gone, leaving Tony blinking helplessly at the ceiling. He stayed there for a long time after he left. 

“Fuck.”  

***

There was really no going back, after that. Tony set up a standing appointment for every other Friday, and it very quickly became the highlight of his week. He also didn’t think he’d jerked off this much before in his entire life, but that was neither here nor there. Because the thing was, yes, James was hot as shit. But he was also ridiculously easy to talk to, and after just a couple of weeks, Tony felt like he’d known him forever, the same sort of instant connection that he’d felt when he’d first met Steve. 

Except, of course, he and Steve had fallen into an easy friendship while with James he just kept thinking of all the ways he wanted to take him apart, so maybe Rhodey was a more apt comparison. 

Tony knew he was driving his friends crazy. He’d started getting JARVIS to mark off his calendar with racquetball, just so he wouldn’t have to endure the looks that Pepper had started giving him when he told her he was going for another massage appointment. Not the usual ‘oh my god, are you kidding me’ looks that she got whenever he was doing something else gross — those he could have handled — but soft, sympathetic looks, like she thought he was in love or something. Perish the thought. Steve, on the other hand, had flat out banned Tony from talking about James anymore under threat of not hanging out until he either stopped going, or pulled his tits up and asked him out. Tony still managed to work him into every conversation. Pining was hard. 

Rhodey, at least, was a little more understanding. He and Sam had been roommates first, danced around each other for months without even knowing if the other one was into men before Sam had tripped and Rhodey had fallen and they’d ended up with their mouths on each other’s dicks. And then it had been another few months of “it’s just sex,” and “it doesn’t mean anything, Tony, really, shut up about it,” until they’d finally admitted that it was, in fact, a lot more than just sex. So Rhodey understood. Tony was still driving him absolutely bananas, but he at least understood. 

***

Tony didn’t know it, but Bucky wasn’t doing much better. Almost from the moment one session would end, he’d be counting down the hours until the next one. Every day that they didn’t have an appointment, he’d get a — frankly embarrassing — thrill low in his belly, wondering, imagining if he might run into Tony somewhere in the building. And on the days when he did, when he and Tony would make eye contact and Tony would give them that smile, like just seeing Bucky had saved him from a terrible day? Bucky knew it was probably just a reflex, born of being trained to be the consummate businessman since he was a kid, but it never failed to make his entire day, leaving Bucky smiling like a fool the whole day long.

He was kind of a ridiculous romantic like that.

It would be easier, maybe, if he thought it was completely one-sided, if it was just a hopeless crush on his part that he could wallow in and then get over. But try as he might, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it wasn’t entirely unrequited. He’d caught Tony giving him a look once or twice, when he thought he wasn’t looking, eyes lingering over his ass or thighs. But more than that, he’d say things sometimes, something innocuous that could almost be taken to mean something else. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, except then he’d get this look on his face. If Bucky blinked he’d miss it, but for just a second his eyes would go wide, and he’d have an ‘oh shit’ look on his face, like he hadn’t meant to let that slip. And then there’d been that long moment, their second appointment. He had been so absolutely sure that Tony was going to ask him out, had held his breath as he waited. 

And then the moment had passed and Tony hadn’t said anything at all. But Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t imagining it, that he wasn’t the only one who could feel how instantly they had connected, how ridiculously well they got along. 

Bucky had a tendency to flirt as natural as breathing, always had. It had gotten him in trouble once or twice as a kid in school, when he’d been caught kissing girls under the slide on the playground. It was hard for him to tamp that down, when he had Tony on the table, not to make everything sound like an innuendo. Not to turn on the charm, to up their banter, to do everything he could to get that smile out of him and make him laugh until he was just as smitten as Bucky was. He was just so easy to get along with. Maybe it was just the years long crush talking, but Bucky couldn’t help thinking that Tony saw him. He seemed to really get him, to understand him on a more-than-professional level. They had the same stupid sense of humor, the same style of arguing, and Bucky could listen to Tony go off on science tangents for literal hours. And sometimes he’d share things, stories from university, or about his best friend, or the most recent thing he’d done to exasperate his phenomenal PA, and Bucky couldn’t help thinking that these weren’t the kinds of stories that he shared with just everyone. He just wanted to take him out for dinner and learn everything about him, every secret he had. But like, in a sweet, totally non-creepy way. 

And as an added bonus? Good lord, Tony was gorgeous. 

Bucky had always known that, logically. His crush had to come from somewhere. But he was infinitely more gorgeous in person. Sometimes it was really hard not to let his voice drop into something low and wanting and sexy when the lights were dimmed low, and Tony was almost naked on the table, making those noises when Bucky got close to his ass, and all he could think about was dropping to his knees and sucking Tony off until he screamed.

Just the thought had Bucky twitching as he lay in bed, trying to will himself to just go to sleep. He normally tried not to think about it too… vividly, in his day to day. It felt like an invasion of privacy, imagining Tony like that, especially when he frequently dealt with him while the other man was in a pretty vulnerable position. And, irrational though it may have been, there was a part of him that worried that, if he let himself imagine it too much, he might just forget one day, greet Tony with a hot and heavy make out session, or something even worse. 

At night, though… 

Bucky shifted on the bed again, squirming a little as he felt his cock thicken in his shorts. It felt okay at night, when he was lying here in the dark. LIke he was a step removed from it. It was too easy to picture Tony, to imagine that there was something there, that he could just have him, whenever he wanted. It went against every bit of his sense of professionalism, but the idea of fooling around under the guise of giving Tony ‘therapy’ sent a delicious thrill through his stomach, made him groan as it thrummed in his balls. 

“Shit,” Bucky breathed, palming absently over his dick through the silky material. It was fine, he was a grown ass adult who was in complete control of his physical reactions. He wasn’t going to jerk off thinking of Tony (again). He wasn’t. He just had to adjust himself, and…

Bucky hissed out a low breath, eyes rolling back as he gripped himself. He couldn’t resist dragging his thumb up the length of dick, hips jerking when he rubbed just underneath the head. Then he grit his teeth and pulled his hand away, willing his cock to calm the fuck down. He’d just jerked off this morning, he was fine. He huffed loudly, scrubbing a hand over his face. There was an itch on his thigh, and reached down to scratch at it, squeezing his eyes shut like he could somehow force himself to sleep. Instead, his mind offered up the image of warm, brown eyes, Tony’s face scrunching up as he laughed at something Bucky had said; apparently he daydreamed about Tony so frequently now that picturing Tony was automatic. It was just so easy to imagine him, the way his tongue would always dart out, swipe over his lips before he’d suck the lower one between his teeth. It killed Bucky every time. 

He shivered, and abruptly realized that scratching the itch on his thigh had turned to dragging his blunt fingernails back and forth over the hyper-sensitive skin, a light, thrilling, tease. He groaned out loud, tugged at his hair in frustration which backfired spectacularly when it made his cock twitch. 

“Jesus Christ, Barnes,” he said to the empty room. “Pull yourself together.” 

He sat up enough to flip the pillow over to the cool side, flopping back down and turning onto his side so he could shove his face into it, spreading his legs a little to accommodate the weight of his dick. He closed his eyes again, trying to focus on deep breathing, but inevitably his thoughts turned to Tony again. It wasn’t even the top of the list of things that Bucky adored about him, but the man was stupidly beautiful. Picturing his smile, Bucky could imagine himself stepping closer to him, the way Tony’s eyes would drag down his body, catching on his thighs the way they always did, when he thought Bucky wouldn’t notice. As easy as if it had really happened, he could imagine himself moving closer still, Tony’s eyes going wide and dark when Bucky got up in his space, lips parting on a soft breath. Every once in awhile, after a long day, Tony’s normally coiffed hair would be reduced to a mess of curls. Bucky was picturing it like that now, imagining carding his hand through it the way he always wanted, tugging just a little until Tony gasped, head tipping back to look up at him, eyes soft and wide and hungry for it. 

Bucky’s hips jerked involuntarily, and he whined as the motion ground his dick against the mattress, sending a sharp shock of pleasure through his body. God, he just… He wanted so bad, wanted Tony’s hands all over his body, wanted to get his own hands on that gorgeous ass and haul Tony right up tight against him, the two of them grinding against each other, so overwhelmed they couldn’t so much as undress. Wanted to take Tony to bed, spread him out, take his time kissing every inch of his body until he was gasping and pleading, wanted Tony to do the same to him in kind, to feel those calloused fingers wrapped around his cock. 

“Fuck,” he muttered. He’d known all along, really, that this was inevitable, and he pushed down the guilt as he shoved his hand into his shorts, eyes nearly crossing as he closed his fist tight, the pressure sending tingles all the way down to his toes. He wasted no time with teasing himself, jerking off with a steady, firm grip, trying to emulate how he thought Tony, with his technical mind, might set about taking him apart. His hand moved faster at the thought, imagining Tony watching him with a serious expression, cataloguing every shift of his body, every twitch of his face, figuring out how to take him apart in the best possible way. Tony, leaning in close, biting at his lips, crooning at him to go ahead and come, and Bucky… Bucky would… 

His balls drawing up tight, Bucky turned his head back into the pillow as he came, biting down against the fabric so that he didn’t actually let Tony’s name slip past his lips like he desperately wanted. 

After, when he’d kicked off his shorts and cleaned up with the tissues he kept on the bedside table, and lay sprawled out on his back, still catching his breath, he couldn’t help thinking of the afterward. He and Tony laughing goofily, still a little orgasm high. Tony pressing up against his side for cuddles, the way he’d fit perfectly under Bucky’s chin. For a brief moment, his arms actually ached with the desire to just hold him. 

Worse, he was pretty sure he wanted that comfortable intimacy even more than the imagined amazing sex. 

He was a goddamn mess.

***

“Fuck,” Bucky whined, pillowing his head in his arms on the table. 

“Dude.” Sam’s hand grabbed the back of Bucky’s t-shirt, yanking him upright. “What are you doing? We’re in a bar, you freak. Quit embarrassing me in front of the ladies.” 

“What ladies?” Bucky grumbled. “You’re gay, Sam. You’re married. To a man.” 

Sam just shrugged at him, like he was missing the point, and Bucky huffed. 

“You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to be in love with someone who doesn’t know you’re alive. You and Rhodes moved in the first night you met.”

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because we were roommates. He was fresh off a tour and needed a place? Mutual friend set us up? And then we spent the next few months dancing around each other before we finally admitted we had feelings for each other? Any of this ringing a bell?” Sam shook his head, stealing Bucky’s beer. “Jesus Buck, how much have you had?” 

“Uh… A few?” Bucky offered, because he couldn’t actually remember how much he’d had to drink, waiting for Sam to show up, but now that it had been called to his attention, he was definitely feeling it. 

Sam just shook his head, obviously trying not to smile. “You got it bad, huh?” 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Bucky burst out, waving an arm in the air and narrowly avoiding clipping a server and sending their tray flying through the air. “He’s…” Bucky tried to think of a way to describe how wonderful Tony was, but he’d signed an NDA, and was drunk enough that he couldn’t figure out if it applied here, so it was probably safer not to describe him at all.

“Gotta admit man, never thought you’d go for some corporate schill.” Sam was blatantly laughing at him, and Bucky glared.

“He’s not!” Bucky tried to keep the whine out of his voice. “He’s perfect. He… He’s brilliant, and funny, and so kind. He knows everyone’s names, literally everybody. And… And his body?” He leaned in close, conspiratorial. “Okay, you can’t repeat this, but his first session, he got hard, man. Like, hard. His dick was perfect. I just wanted to drop to my knees and—“

“Jesus.” Sam made a gagging noise. “Too much info, Bucky, come on. I may be gay, but that doesn’t mean I wanna picture you having sex.” 

“Whatever.” Bucky heaved out a sigh again, and this time, when he pillowed his head in his arms, Sam didn’t try to stop him. “I am so fucked.” 

Sam’s hand settled on his back, smacking him in a way that Bucky was pretty sure was intended to be comforting. “It’s okay, man. It’ll get better.”

***

Bucky woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and a numb left arm. For probably a too long moment, he thought he’d just slept on it wrong, cut off circulation and hadn’t woken up enough in the night to roll over. 

And then awareness cut through the hangover as he realized that he couldn’t have lost circulation because he didn’t have a left arm. Cursing under his breath, he pulled himself to a sitting position, wincing at the bright sunlight that was filtering through the window -- drunk Bucky was a dick, who hadn’t bothered closing the curtains. The prosthetic was completely dead, and he couldn’t help glaring at it like he could somehow will it back to life through sheer force of his irritation. This had happened once or twice before (the arm going dead, not the willing it back to functioning part), but it was a pain in the ass to reset, and he squinted at it as he tried to remember the proper sequence. It was entirely too early in the morning to be dealing with this shit, and he kind of wanted to punch his past self in the face for drinking this much on a work night. 

Eventually he dragged himself out of bed and into his kitchen, knocking back a glass of water and a couple advil and digging through his junk drawer until he found the instructions he’d written out the last time this had happened. He sat at the kitchen table as he opened the hidden control panel and followed the instructions, rubbing his face and then leaning into his right hand, half dozing as he waited for the reset to complete.

And then he yelped and nearly jumped out of his chair when, instead of the normal return of sensation that he’d expected, there was a sharp, jarring buzzing feeling, stretching from his fingertips right up through the nerve connectors that let him use the arm with a thought. “Aw, fuck,” he grit out, the sensation making his teeth clench and his head throb. There was an emergency shut off button -- he’d always pictured the arm going rogue and trying to murder people -- and he practically slammed it now, slumping in relief as the arm went back to being dead weight. 

“Well, fuck,” he mumbled out loud. “That’s probably not covered in the instruction manual.” He sighed, weighing his options. There was no way he’d be going in to work today; even if he could get an appointment with the prosthetics team, it would likely take up a fair chunk of his day, and until he got in, he didn’t think anyone would be thrilled with a one-armed massage. Which colossally sucked, because it was his standing appointment with Tony today, and he’d been looking forward to it all week. 

For a minute he was tempted to go in anyway, maybe get his other appointments covered but meet with Tony, ask him about it personally. Even if he hadn’t worked on it himself, the man was a genius. He’d probably have some idea of what the problem was. But Bucky knew he wasn’t really going to do that, tempting as the thought of Tony working on him personally was. He’d be cheating Tony out of massage appointment, for one thing, and while he’d gotten to know Tony well enough that he was pretty sure he wouldn’t actually mind, it just felt like a little too much of an abuse of his position for him to really be comfortable with it. 

Of course, when he finally got through to the prosthetics department, and it turned out it was going to be a three week wait before he could even get in to see somebody, and who knew how long after that before the damn thing was actually fixed, he was kind of regretting his decision. But hey, maybe Sam was right and this was the ‘getting better’ that he had been talking about. Some space from Tony would probably be good, really, let him adjust to his feelings, maybe give him the chance to accept that it was never going to happen and move on. 

He kept trying to tell himself that, but he couldn’t shake the ache at not knowing when he’d even have the chance to see Tony again. 

***

Tony’d had the morning from hell -- board meetings were awful on a good day, and when he had to spend the entire time arguing with a bunch of old men who didn’t even understand what they were talking about, it made them even worse -- but that didn’t stop him from humming to himself from lunchtime on. It was probably a sign of just how far gone he was, but knowing he was seeing James in just a few hours kept his mood up. He’d been talking with one of his work contacts at JPL the night before, and he’d mentioned some new developments that he knew James was going to lose his mind over. He was practically bouncing by the time he finally headed off for his appointment, all but bursting into the room. 

“Hey, so, guess what I just hea… Hi.” He blinked, bemused, as he was met with Louise instead. Recovering quickly, he offered her a bright smile. “Hey Louise!” 

She grinned back at him. “Hey, Tony.” Her eyebrows arched. “Long time no see.” There was something knowing in her gaze, and Tony shifted a little. 

“Yeah, uh… I guess my appointments got switched over to James, when he started working here.”

“Mmmm. Lucky you then, huh?” Louise gave him a wink. “He’s a gorgeous boy.”

And sure, of course he was, but that didn’t really explain why he wasn’t here. Louise didn’t offer any further comments on James though, just set about beginning the session, and Tony just went along with it. He was missing some social cues sometimes, but he was pretty sure demanding to know what happened to his other massage therapist would be rude at best. 

Still, despite the small talk, and Louise’s story about her trip to Prague, Tony couldn’t stop thinking about James, wondering where he was and if everything was okay. He lasted about fifteen minutes -- thankfully managing to catch an appropriate break in the conversation, before he couldn’t wait any longer and had to ask. 

“So, uh…” He closed his eyes, even though Louise couldn’t see his face anyway, and hoped that he wasn’t as obvious as he thought he sounded. “Where is James, today?” He was struck by the sudden fear that he’d made him comfortable enough to want to quit, or at least not face Tony again, and felt himself tense up. “Hope everything’s alright?” 

If Louise felt his back go tight, she didn’t comment. “Nah, everything’s fine,” she assured him. “Just a sick day.” 

Immediately Tony’s mind went to the frankly adorable image of James, curled up on his couch with a blanket, coughing and sniffling his way through his Netflix queue. He felt the inexplicable desire to take care of him, and was wondering if it would be overstepping to send him get-well flowers, or maybe soup from that tiny hole-in-the-wall diner over in Alphabet City, when he realized that Louise was still talking. 

“He mentioned something about his prosthetic not working. Said it would be a few weeks before he even gets in for an appointment, so it’ll probably be awhile before he’s back.” 

And okay, if Bucky’s arm was acting up, that was… Well, embarrassing was what it was, since it was a Stark Industries product, but more importantly, that was something that Tony could fix. He was barely conscious for the rest of the massage, mind already whirling a mile a minute as he thought of all the ways he could improve the prosthetic, how he could tailor it, increase the sensation, bring up the response time. He didn’t know what James needed specifically, but it would be easy enough to bring up the schematics for the most recent improvements, see what more could be done -- especially if he stepped in personally. 

He’d had an informal business dinner that evening, but he cancelled it as soon as Louise left the room, almost forgetting to get dressed again in his hurry to get back to his personal lab. The second he’d had JARVIS bring up the necessary schematics, he’d been beset upon by ideas, had worked through night, pausing only for a couple hours sleep on the cot he kept down there before he was back at it again. 

It was… Sometime the next day when Pepper came in, arching an eyebrow at the pants and rumpled shirt that he was still wearing from the day before. “Well. Someone’s been busy.” 

Tony hummed out a distracted answer, and Pepper stepped closer, her other eyebrow shooting up when she realized what he was working on. 

“Really, Tony?” 

Tony did look up then, eyes wide as he tried to hide his guilty expression. “What?” he asked, a little defensively. “It’s a matter of professional pride.” Pepper didn’t answer, and Tony huffed, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. “The prosthetic stopped working! This is an SI product, and we have to stand by our products, and -- DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, PEPPER!” 

Pepper just sighed sympathetically and then leaned over, kissing his temple. “Just don’t work yourself too hard, okay? I know how you tend to throw yourself into things when you’re personally invested, and…” She pressed her palm flat against his chest, right over his heart so there’d be no mistake of what she meant. “Just take care of yourself, Tony. Make sure you eat. Get some actual rest,” she told him, heading for the door again. “And maybe take a shower!” she called back over her shoulder. “You kind of stink.” 

Tony had rolled his eyes, refusing to let her see how genuinely touched he was by her obvious concern, and though he did shower and even ordered an entire pizza, he still worked through the weekend. By Monday morning, he had a working prototype, one that was specifically tailored to James. And while he’d been supremely tempted to track down James’s address and show up with the arm as a surprise, possibly while wearing a trench coat and nothing else, he was pretty sure that was the lack of sleep talking, and quite likely a good way to end up calling Rhodey for bail (again). Forcing himself to keep a respectful, professional distance, he had instead taken it over to the prosthetics department, explaining the updates and laying out how they should be applied to all the prosthetics moving forward, and then politely suggesting that, since he’d used him as an example, they should trial it on James, and push up his appointment. Preferably to today. 

Then he’d gone up to the penthouse with plans to collapse into his bed for the next twelve hours.

If he was being totally honest with himself, there was a tiny part of Tony that had thought James would maybe call, that he’d want to thank Tony personally and in the process admit to some reciprocated feelings. But the day passed without so much as a word, and the one after that as well. By Wednesday, Tony caved and called Fred in prosthetics, who assured him that Mr. Barnes had in fact been fitted with the prosthetic arm on Monday, as… suggested, and had seemed inordinately pleased with it. 

So that was that.

Tony tried to tell himself it didn’t matter, that maybe James wouldn’t have known just how much of an overhaul the arm had received, or even realized that Tony had been the one to do it. Tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a rejection, that it hadn’t changed anything between them. Or hell, maybe it was a rejection. Either way he had to move on with his life. He was going to Rhodey and Sam’s that night for tacos -- because they were that married couple -- so he could focus on the people he knew loved him back. 

Of course, this newfound resolve lasted long enough for him to let himself in the front door of the house and throw himself on the couch, ignoring Rhodey’s attempts at beating whatever video game he was playing in favour of shoving his head in his lap. “Rhodeyyy,” he whined. “I don’t understand. Why doesn’t he just love me?” 

“Oh jesus,” Rhodey muttered, making a half-hearted attempt to shove Tony’s face off his knee. 

“Rude. You’d think you’d have more sympathy. I very clearly remember more than one occasion of having to pour you into bed after getting drunk and crying over your ‘unrequited’ love for Sam.” 

Rhodey gave an exaggerated sigh. “Oh boy. Here we go again.” 

Tony ignored that, snuggling in closer. “This would be easier with you, Honeybear. Even if you worked for me, you’ve never taken me seriously anyway, no abuse of power, right? Let’s start dating again!” 

Giving up on his video game, Rhodey rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I’m with Sam now!”

“That’s fine! The more the merrier!” 

“Oh my god,” Rhodey muttered, laughing despite himself. 

“I built him a new arm, Rhodey!” 

“What’s going on now?” Sam asked, walking into the room with a round of beer and an arched eyebrow, and the impeccable timing of a man sensing that his husband was in need of rescue.

“Don’t ask,” Rhodey told him, not quite cutting off Tony as he launched into a very detailed overview of his long and tragic love story. Rhodey covered his mouth. “Tony’s pining again,” he added succinctly, before scrunching up his face when Tony licked his hand in retaliation. 

“Ah,” Sam laughed sympathetically, sliding the bottles across the table as he settled into the armchair. “Your physiotherapist, right?” 

“Close enough,” Tony muttered, finally pulling away so he could sit up and drink the beer without spilling it all over himself -- never let it be said that Tony didn’t learn from his mistakes. “Point being, I’m in a position of power. If I make any kind of a move I’m gonna be that guy, which is the last thing I want. And then it’s all. ‘Does he really want me? Did he say yes because he thought he had to? Is that gonna define our whole relationship?’ That’s if he even feels that way.” Sam was eyeing him suspiciously, and Tony finally sighed, giving him a somewhat dirty look. “Okay, what? Are you making fun of me too?” 

“No, I’m not making fun of you,” Sam assured him. 

“I am,” Rhodey muttered, just loud enough for Tony to hear. Sam ignored him. 

“I’ve just got the strangest sense of deja vu right now. I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Probably because it’s the only conversation Tony has lately,” Rhodey offered. “And I’ve recounted it to you so many times that you feel like you were there.” 

Tony stuck his tongue out at him. “Hey Rhodes? Fuck you.” 

Of course, Rhodey couldn’t take that lying down, and they very quickly devolved into a wrestling match, with added effect of Sam worrying so much about the two of them destroying the antique vase inherited from his grandmother that he completely forgot to try and parse out why the conversation had seemed so familiar. 

***

At least, he forgot about it until the next day, when he was meeting Bucky for lunch. He’d barely sat down when Bucky came bursting into the restaurant, looking around wildly. He spotted Sam and nearly knocked over an entire (thankfully empty) table in his rush to get to him. 

“Holy shit!” he yelped, apparently uncaring of the dirty look that earned him from the elderly couple a few tables over. “Guess what he did!” 

Sam blinked at him, utterly lost. “Guess what… Who did what now?” 

Apparently too overwhelmed to properly explain, Bucky started waving his left arm wildly through the air, catching his water glass and nearly sending it flying. “He built me an entirely new fuckin’ arm, Sam.” 

For the briefest of moments, Sam thought he was having an entire out of body experience. “He… He built you an arm,” he repeated weakly. Bucky was too busy gesticulating and waxing poetic to notice as Sam’s mind melted for a minute. “Of course he did. Because my idiot and Rhodes’s idiot are the same fuckin’ pair of idiots.” 

And then, because he wouldn’t be a real friend if he didn’t try to get the maximum amount of possible entertainment out of this, he grinned. 

“Hey, Buck? Why don’t you come with me ‘n Rhodey to the SI gala tomorrow night? Rhodey’s got a… contact. I’m sure we could get you an extra ticket. And hey, maybe your hunk of handsome’ll be there, huh?”

The way that Bucky’s face went pale, mouth opening and closing like he couldn’t even comprehend the idea, was absolutely priceless. 

@tonystarkbingo 

[volantedesign]

Letter from Japan

It's quiet. It is really really quiet. There's a gentle white noise from the mini split and that's all. We're in Kyoto sleeping on the floor, inhaling the sweet reedy smell of the tatami mats. We're staying in a major metropolis. It's 4 in the morning because I'm still jet-lagged. The doorways are all too short for me. When I stand up on the train I invariably bang my head on the hanging handles, not hard, just enough to surprise myself and to feel foolish. I am enormous here. I forgot to pack walking shoes and bought a men's size, as the women's sizes stop well before my (size 9) giant feet. We've been doing a lot of walking. There are so many beautiful little streets, with worn fabric banners showing hand printed or drawn letters that look like nothing more than beautiful shapes to me. I am utterly illiterate here. The people I've met have been unbelievably gracious and put up with our knowing nothing in a way that makes it seem like they are at fault for not knowing what strange thing we're asking for in their country, in their home. We've been traveling very low-budget and staying in single rooms in homes and ryokan (tiny hotels run by families mostly). For some reason the images in my mind of Tokyo are not the sweeping torii gates of the shrines that we went to see. I have photographs and will always treasure the memory of seeing them. But what I was most amazed by were smaller things that we did not know to stop and document. There was a set of three ceramic pots, sitting on the street next to some potted plants. They seemed vacant at first, but they were full of water, and tiny fish hiding in the water plants. The tiny shapes of the fish were right there in the street under the sky. The bright flash of this revelation was both so fitting for the setting and so unexpected. I imagine that they belong to some grandmother who sits out in the evening and watches the fish go around. Who cares if this is true or not. I remember also vividly the meh meeeeh-ing sound of the cicadas, such a complaining sound, so loud in a country where even the construction is done with as little impact as possible. There were some houses styled to be European that stuck out. They looked like something from an anime. They didn't look like any European house I've seen. More like a very tidy cake in the shape of a house. The first night we landed and went deliriously in search of some food after flying for about 17 hours, we stumbled into a family run udon shop. David begged me to make a decision about food, because everything seemed bright and loud and utterly indecipherable at that time of night in our strange state. We ordered the first and second thing on the menu, ordered a beer. Blessedly the word for beer is understood everywhere. We got some amazing home-made noodles in broth, some cat-foody tasting fish, a bowl of clams in rich brown sauce? We think they were clams but honestly I'm not sure, and rice with tuna mash and a raw egg yolk on top. It was unbelievable. I think that's when I knew we were in Japan. We ate our udon hot even though they asked us 3 or 4 times if we were sure about that. It was about 90 degrees. It never occurred to us to have it cold. The cook went to sit in the back room and drink with his friends after it seemed there would be no more customers coming in. He poured us a tiny challis' of sake and left us to his wife's watchful eye. She tidied, we ate, and then payed and fled. I love how clean it is here. I love it. I have always liked order and taking off my shoes inside. I am German after all. Everyone seems to carry their own hand towel for a day's outing. There are no paper towels in most of the bathrooms. This same hand towel can cover your hair should it rain. Why you'd want to cover your hair when it rains I'm not sure, but it was clearly an important function of the towel. We enjoyed a late afternoon of watching people run through the rain with various items over their heads while we sat in the window of a restaurant/pub. The fashions and people were equally fun to watch. People wear floor length flowery mom-ish dresses and make them look cute. Can you believe it? The rooms we've been in are spare, clean, everything in the bathroom is white, as though to prove to you that there's no speck of dirt hiding that you might miss on a colorful tile. I love that people don't smoke and throw their butts on the ground, but either wait near an ash-can or carry the butt away in a small pouch designed for this purpose. I don't even mind that there's smoking in some restaurants. I grew up with this in Germany and it seems sort of cozy to me. I know that it's terrible for all involved of course- but what can I say. I've seen folks with gloves for ridding the train so they don't have to touch what other people touched. There are even men in the train stations who clean the ever rotating germ-buffet that is the escalator handrail. There seems to be a whole fleet of people in the parks who's job it is to clear away leaves. I love that they care enough to employ people to make sure that it's nice. We could learn from this America. We came to Japan to see Tokyo Games show and see if it would ever be a viable market for us. It's much cheaper to send me and David (who go for free) than the company and all the stuff required for a con set-up. So, we've reviewed Tokyo games show, and basically it'll be a very long time before we come to exhibit at this show if ever. No judgement of the show, but it doesn't really look like folks are interested in shopping. And what there is to buy is very easy to buy, t-shirts, towels, stuffed critters. It's blastedly full and hot and sort of dark also. But there I am being back at work, analyzing, explaining. I'm done working for the trip. We've got one week to do whatever we want in Japan. The funny thing is we have gone so far away to be able to have a real stopping point. To be able to stop working or even thinking about work it helps to have little to no internet and not to be callable. I think we must learn to be unavailable more often. The most wonderful thing about running a business is that you get to set the terms. You get to chose. This is also the very hardest because you have to chose carefully and then follow up on your choices. It never really ends of course. This has never been more true than now. As we grow, (not as smoothly as it sounds) we also have new growing pains, new overhead costs, new challenges, new systems we have to learn and master. There's nobody to help you "figure it out." It's hard to shut-off, to stop working. It's hard to feel like your ship will stay afloat without you watching it's every move. But it will, it does, it has for the last week.

- Willow Volante

[wilsonsnest]

winter, Sweetheart - VIII - Finale

Here we come to the end. Writing this has been a hell of a journey, but its been a project I’ve been truly passionate about. Thanks to all the people who have been following along, I hope you enjoyed.

Other plans for this series: posting on AO3 after some chapter clean-up and formatting, maybe some one-shots, and i tentatively have a loose sequel idea called good things. which is pretty much what it means because this journey has been hell on wheels.

warnings: hurt/comfort, trauma, bad medical practices

Bucky knows that Steve is perturbed by his seeming lack of interest in talking about the history between them. During the mission to retrieve the Falcon’s files, Steve made every attempt to coax information about his time with Hydra out of him. Bucky shuts him down at every turn, and he’s too concerned about Sweetheart’s well-being to really care. He can tell it hurts Steve, his earnest blue eyes dimming with every prolonged silence or sharp word Bucky throws his way.

Objectively, he realizes the cruelty in his actions towards Steve. Theres a place in the back of his mind, where the jumbled remains of what Hydra tried to erase is clawing to get out. But he ignores it in favor of the mission. He can’t blame Steve for wanting to monopolize Bucky’s time, but he also isn’t in a place to cater to it either. He’s still getting used to the whole ‘expressing emotions’ bit that comes with being a human with your own free will.

He feels so off-kilter, like he wants to crawl out of his skin. It’s been a long time since he’s had to truly think for himself. Hydra had never succeeded in completely erasing his emotions, their neuroscience had never quite gotten that far. But they made up for it in their ability to instill the fear of failure in him so that hiding his emotions became a necessity. Now, suddenly and almost anti-climatically he was free from that and he had no idea what he should be doing about it. At over 90 years old, he suddenly feels like how he must have as a teenager. Emotions swinging from one extreme to the other, little things send him into a panic or threaten to shut him down entirely. His ability to multitask feels practically non-existent unless he has a task to focus on.

Right now, Sam’s well-being is his task and Steve will just have to forgive him if thats what he prioritizes.

Finding the files is easy enough, and Steve is able to send them over to Stark instantly. Bucky keeps it together enough to help Steve burn the Hydra facility to the ground. He has to take a long walk after that, and Steve is kind enough to follow him at 100 yards behind.

Steve is tentative when he asks Bucky to go to Avenger’s Tower with him, and seems surprised when Bucky answers affirmative immediately. But Bucky isn’t going to pass up a chance to get access to Sweetheart and make sure he’s being treated well.

Steve warns him that Stark, Dr. Banner and Riley Thompson will be at the tower as well. All of them have been working to help Sa-Sweetheart in his recovery. Strangely enough, it’s Riley that puts Bucky on edge. Riley is the one who knows Sam. Riley is the one who shot him anyway. Maybe his distrust isn’t so unearned after all.

Steve tells him that the surgery was a success, Sweetheart is doing much better than before. Bucky is only slightly relieved, he won’t believe it until he sees it with his own two eyes. He could barely trust the Hydra techs who had put Sam’s wings together, so forgive him if he doesn’t trust these people who hadn’t the slightest clue what they were dealing with.

Of course it’s Riley who greets them at the door, and immediately Bucky is on edge. He slinks in behind Steve, fists clenched and immediately scanning for easy exit points. It doesn’t escape him that this could be a trap. The government isn’t likely to be happy that the world’s mightiest heroes are playing nice with two ex-Hydra assets.

The tower isn’t anything like Bucky expects it to be. It’s not at all like a military base, or even an office or state building. It’s lavish, but in a comfortable and homey way that makes his skin prickle uncomfortably. He thinks of the easier missions, where all he had was a scope, a silencer and his target in sight, eating dinner in their living room unaware their life was moments from ending. He’s done it so many times, the victims all blend together.

He fears where they’ve stuck Sweetheart. Half-expecting it to be a cage or some other containment unit where they can stare at him like he’s a lab experiment. Bucky’s glowers at the thought, and he hopes Steve understands that the slightest sign of mistreatment will see him breaking Sam out of here and killing anyone who gets in his way.

When they do reach the elevator, he’s surprised to see them go up. Each floor is labeled, a few are general like Gym, Lab, Other Lab, Conference Room. But then there are names, Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Clint and to Bucky’s annoyance, Riley. They go past those floors though, until they stop and the Elevator doors open onto a cozy looking apartment. The carpet is a soft, calming blue and the walls are creamy-tan, purposely not white. The room’s lighting is comfortably dim to accommodate sensitive eyesight. Theres a couch, a coffee table and a television and two doors that must lead to other rooms.

Riley and Steve step out and Bucky follows more slowly. He doesn’t think he’s been in a room with a carpet without killing someone is the last 70 years. They don’t have to wait long before one of the doors opens and Sam steps out, alert and slightly wary. He looks at them all as if he’s analyzing a threat, and it reminds Bucky of when Sam would come out of cryo.

“Winter?” Sweetheart’s voice sounds only vaguely awed as he takes a step into the room. He’s barefoot, wearing gray lounge pants, a long-sleeved blue shirt and over-ear headphones around his neck

Bucky swallows thickly, he can’t help but stare. Sweetheart looks good, safe and comfortable. He’s even got stubble growing, and some part of Bucky’ brain distantly tells him now would be an appropriate time to cry. He doesn’t, but he drinks in the sight of his partner and lavishes in how bright and well he looks. His palm feels oddly sweaty though, in a way it never has before when they’ve faced one another after a long time.

This is completely different from the Falcon waking up from cryo.

Sweetheart stares at him for a moment longer before walking toward him, his pace measured and precise. Steve and Riley move out of the way, apparently aware that Sam isn’t about to stop for them. He stops half a foot in front of Bucky, and he looks….uncertain.

Bucky’s flesh hand lifts for a second, and then he realizes he’s reaching out and he stops, unsure. Sweetheart’s face betrays nothing except that a vague wariness in his brown eyes. It’s reminiscent of the careful blank stare Sweetheart would have whenever he came out of cryo. For a moment, Bucky wonders if Stark and Dr. Banner had to wipe him again to fix whatever the damage was.

But he sees something, Sweetheart shifts from one foot to another, a nervous tick he would have never expressed in Hydra’s presence. While the rest of his face betrays nothing, his eyes are clear with recognition.

Oh.

That’s right, they’ve never done this in front of people before. Bucky reminds himself that Steve and Riley aren’t Hydra, and even if they don’t approve, Bucky is fairly certain he can take them. He does’t consider things much further than that before reaching out and pulling Sam to him, arms wrapping around him tightly in a way that he never allowed himself before. All the morsels of affection he had given Sam had always been in dark corners, hidden from prying eyes that might see it as a weakness. But now they no longer have a reason to hide.

No one was going to take Sam away and wipe him because Bucky wanted to hold him.

He finds himself burying his face into Sam’s neck, breathing in his scent. Sam’s fingers grip almost painfully into his back, but Bucky could care less. They hold each other too tight, and it feels good, it feels grounded. They don’t let go for a long time, they just stand there and exist with one another.

Somehow they had made it.

Eventually, shakily, Bucky pushes Sam away, not far only enough so that he can see his face. The color is back in his face, he looks rested, well-fed and seeing the hairs on his chin make Bucky’s stomach flip in a good way. Sam is smiling and for a moment Bucky thinks he actually could cry. They’ve been taking good care of him here, and Bucky feels like he owes Steve a little more leeway now. Later.

He grips Sam’s shoulder gently and tries to turn him, he needs to see his wings and make sure they really are alright. But before he can, Sam stops him, refusing to move and Bucky looks at him confused. It may be the first time Sam’s ever refused a check-up from him.

Sam is gentle though, and places a hand on Bucky’s metal arm. Theres the smallest crease between his brows. “I’m fine,Winter. I do need to look at your arm though.”

Bucky blinks slowly, surprised. He hasn’t thought twice about his arm since Sweetheart became ill. It’s been working fine. Theres a bit of a stick in the rotation and his wrist and shoulder and the plates between his elbow and upper arm aren’t as tight as usual. But he’s used to overcompensating for shoddy Hydra craftsmanship when Sweetheart isn’t around.

“You’re movements are 15% slower than usual,” Sam mumbled slowly, eyes analyzing damage just from visual cues. “And it’s hanging about 5 centimeters lower than  it should be.” He frowns and then looks up, brown eyes wide and imploring. “Let me help you, Winter?”

Bucky’s heart feels tight in his chest. This doesn’t have to be Sam’s job anymore. Theres no Hydra to constantly asses his usefulness in the field, and if he wanted to he could just tell Bucky to take it to Stark to fix. But Sam wants to help him, asked him even. Bucky can’t even begin to explain how relieved he feels.

His spine stiffens as he hears someone clear their throat behind him. He had gotten so distracted he nearly forgot that Riley and Steve were still in the room. Watching every single move they made.

It makes the hairs on the back of Bucky’s neck stand up and he carefully pulls his arm from Sweetheart’s grasp. He turns to face the two of them, carefully angling himself between the two of them and Sweetheart. Right, this could still be a set-up, a trap. And he was so desperately happy to see Sam that he let his guard down before it was safe.

“What do you want for this?” He asks coldly. He and Sweetheart may still be considered weapons, the people they had been long dead to the rest of the world. An asset can still be an asset, just in different hands.

“Want for…?” Steve questions, sounding legitimately confused. His face is so honest and open it almost hurts to look at him. “Bucky, we just want to help the both of you.”

“And then what?” Bucky’s tone dips impatiently. He feels Sweetheart touch his arm gently with the tips of his fingers, calming.

“I..don’t know?” It seems to dawn on Steve that he hadn’t even thought beyond that. “Whatever you want, I guess? You could do anything. You can raise chickens for all I care. As long as you’re safe.”

“Sam’s got a whole family that’ll be happy as hell to see him.” Riley speaks up, voice wavering with emotion. “I haven’t told them, yet. But Sammy, you’ve got a bunch of people who’re gonna be so happy to see you.”

Bucky hears Sweetheart let out a small uncertain noise behind him and he stiffens immediately. He hadn’t even considered the fact that Sam would have family on the outside world. Bucky’s eyes narrow on Riley, the other man’s green eyes are bright and watery, focused on Sam. It sets Bucky’s teeth on edge. He’s soft and plays unassuming, but he’s too smart to be harmless. He knows things about Sam that Bucky doesn’t and Bucky doesn’t like that.

Silence falls between all four of them, before Steve is the one to heave a sigh and hold up his hands in surrender.

“We don’t need to figure this out now.” He says placatingly. “Why don’t we give you some privacy. We’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”

Bucky snorts at the cute way Steve says that they’ll be checking on them again tonight. Riley looks like he wants to protest, but Steve goes to him and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. He leads the shorter man to the elevator without a word.

Then its just the two of them in the room. Bucky turns around to face Sam again. He looks, conflicted, brown eyes seemingly desperately drink in Bucky’s face. His mouth on the edge of smiling or frowning, and maybe he’ll be the one to cry first.

Bucky sighs and gently cups Sweetheart’s face in both his palms, thumbs running over his warm cheeks. Bucky is sure he’s always thought Sweetheart looked lovely, but he’s finally in a place where its safe enough to let himself acknowledge it. He leans in close and touches his forehead to Sweetheart’s. He feels like he could stay like this forever.

“You’re okay? Really?” Bucky needs to be sure. He needs to know that he’s done the right thing. That they’ve faced hell and somehow come out on the other side.

“I am. Really.” Sam answers honestly, and he smiles, small and warm and just for Bucky. “Thanks.”

Bucky hums an answer, not quite trusting himself to say anything yet. He put everything into keeping Sam alive, it still doesn’t feel quite real yet. He feels Sam move, and lets out a the slightest whimper, surprising himself. Sam lets out a soothing sound and doesn’t move way, but carefully brings a hand up to rest over Bucky’s metal one, pressing him close.

“You’ve done so much, Winter. We can rest.” Sam looks into his eyes. “Let me help you.”

Bucky nods, the slightest bit and he can see the smile reach Sam’s brown eyes, lighting them up like he’s just given him a great gift. “Yes.” He sighs, content and closes his eyes. “Yes.”

------------------

And thats a wrap! I truly hope you enjoyed aaaand I’ll be posting the ao3 link here when I get it up. There may be a surprise or two in store one I get it finished ;)

[gingerlexi2897]

If you know me, you know I love Scotland. The green hills, the food, the weather, (yes, the weather), but most importantly the people. No matter how much you love a place, it’s the people that keep you coming back. They’re the ones you connect with and build a relationship with.

Since we spent close to two weeks there this time, I’ve decided that the best way to go about this is to split the trip into two parts: Part I being our time in Glasgow and Edinburgh and Part II during our week in Perth. Otherwise, you’d never get through it.

As our plane descended into Edinburgh Airport, you could feel the excitement of Erin and Itty sitting next to me as they caught their first glimpse of the countryside sprawling out in every direction. None of us could stop smiling, Erin partially because she had just been reading Outlander and was dreaming of Jamie, while I couldn’t help but feel like I was home. We walked down the steps onto the tarmac, doing our best princess wave on the way, and were greeted by the cool breeze that let us know we most definitely not in central Europe anymore.

Because our flight out of Paris had been delayed and we landed later than we had anticipated, we spent our first evening in Edinburgh doing what we do best; sitting in a pub, people watching and eating good food. We checked into our Airbnb, which much to Erin’s disgust was on the top floor of a building with no lift, and set out to find a pub and see a wee bit of the city before the sun went down, which thankfully isn’t until nearly 11 in the summer.

Our first full day in Scotland was just that, full. We set out from our flat decently early and headed for the Royal Mile and Edinburgh Castle. Since Mum, Dad, and I had already seen the castle and are pretty familiar with the Mile, we set Erin and Itty loose to see the crown jewels and learn about the history of Scotland. While they were in the castle with the rest of the tourists, the rest of us meandered down the Mile and took in the sights of the Fringe Festival which kicked off that day. We also made a pit stop at the famous Elephant House coffee shop, the “birthplace of Harry Potter.”

Erin and Itty caught up with us after a while and we turned our sights on Holyrood Park and Arthur’s Seat at the top. In some ways, this was one of the most exciting parts of the trip for me because I managed to hike all the way up and down the hill without turning an ankle, which is not something I would’ve been able to say before ankle surgery in March. Oh, and the views from the top are SO worth it. From Arthur’s Seat, you get the best view of Edinburgh and Leith spreading out beneath you and the Firth of Forth. I think it would have been all too easy for us to just sit up there the whole day listening to Josh Garrels and enjoying the view, but we had things to do.

Once we knew the exact dates of our Scotland portion of the trip and where we would be for most of those days, we set about trying to meet up with some of the team that had been in Hungary with us, specifically, the guys in Glasgow. After some slight teeth pulling and back and forth, we managed to arrange to meet them in town that evening for dinner. So after a late lunch with Mum and Dad, the three of us girls grabbed a train from Edinburgh Waverly bound for Queen Street and Glasgow. With the expectation bar set low and no clue what our evening would hold, we sat in the beautiful sunny in George Square and waited to see how exactly this evening was going to go. The general consensus between the three of us was that if they bailed straight after dinner, we were just going to go out and enjoy Glasgow for ourselves because we paid for those train tickets, darn it.

You’ll be happy to know that our back-up plans and slightly salty attitudes were not needed. We had our last few moments of doubts as we watched the boys walk up to us looking like we’d shaved their highland cow, but those feelings quickly evaporated. Even though they had only just landed back in Glasgow from Hungary the afternoon before, Kieren and Gregor were willing to give up their Friday night to show three crazy Americans around Glasgow.

I fell in love with Glasgow that night like I never had before. The boys took us on a grand, albeit slightly unexpected, walking tour from George Square through Kelvingrove Park to the West End, all the while telling all sorts of ridiculous stories and catching us up on all that had happened in the week since camp. I could so easily go on an on about the different conversations about football and growing up in Glasgow and all that we managed to do in the 6 hours we spent in Glasgow, but that would have to be a post all on its own or we’d be here all day. All I’ll say is that I’m hugely thankful for friends who give up their evening to make us laugh and take us for pizza and gelato. (Stick a churro in it.)

When we left on the last train back to Edinburgh that night, we had no expectation of being back anytime soon.  Yet a week later we found ourselves surrounded by the sights and sounds of Glasgow once more. Kieren graciously sacrificed his peace and quiet on a Saturday morning to pick Erin, Itty, and I up from the train station and take us to a football (soccer) match with him and his Grandad. I’ve probably said it dozens of times at this point, but I’m genuinely so shocked by the boys’ willingness to spend extended periods of time with us.

Kieren has supported Alloa Athletic his entire life and spends his Saturdays from August to May traveling up and down the country supporting them, so when he asked if we wanted to make the trek to Greenock with him, we jumped on the opportunity. He even managed to pull a few strings and get us free tickets (Thanks, Gordon!).  As someone who absolutely loves football and tries to watch it as often as I can, I’d been looking forward to Saturday since we made the plans earlier in the week. While Erin had seen a US Women’s National Team match before, this was Itty’s first experience with the world of football. She spent the whole 90 minutes fully engaged in the match and asking every question she could. Although Alloa unfortunately didn’t pull out the win, we had a great time cheering on the wasps and I think we made Itty a football fan along the way.

We spent the rest of the afternoon/evening just hanging out with Kieren’s grandparents and then the four of us grabbed dinner together before Kieren dropped us off at the station and we rode the 45 minutes back to Perth. Since Erin and Itty had decided to spend the last few days of their trip before they flew out on Thursday Glasgow, I planned on going back down with them for the day that Monday so we all knew we would be back in less than 48 hours when we said goodbye Saturday night.

Monday morning just after peak hours we drug Erin and Itty’s cases to the station in Perth and were once again headed for the now-familiar Queen Street station in Glasgow. Because they couldn’t check into their Airbnb until later that afternoon, we checked their bags at the station and set off in search of something to do for the day until we were to meet up with Stevie. We originally set off for the Botanical Gardens since it was the one thing we hadn’t seen the Friday evening we spent with Gregor and Kieren, but instead found ourselves in Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum out of the rain. If you’re looking for something to do in Glasgow on a rainy day, the art museum is free and in my opinion way better than our adventure at the Louvre had been.

Stevie met us at Kelvingrove and after a bit of a laugh trying to get a taxi in the rain, we headed once again to the West End and a cozy coffee shop. I think one of the reasons I love Glasgow and Scottish culture so much is because when we met up with our friends, there was never a feeling of being on a schedule and that they only had 30 minutes to see us before heading off to something else. We probably spent close to 3 hours that afternoon just sitting in Kothel chatting with Stevie about anything and everything like we had known him forever.

A little after 4 that afternoon we collected Erin and Itty’s bags from the train station and walked to 10 mins to their Airbnb in the Merchant City district. Once we managed to fix the bed after I broke it, (oops…) we went out in search of dinner before meeting up with Kieren at quite possibly the coolest bar I’ve ever been too. Two words: Gin. Bar. Oh, it was absolutely incredible. The menu was about 50 pages long and filled with dozens of different regional gins, tonics, and mixers. All-in-all, I think Glasgow has very easily become one of my favourite places in the world. The best part of the whole thing? Kieren doesn’t even really care for gin.

As I said goodbye to Itty and Erin and climbed on the train back to Perth that night, I couldn’t help but debate the idea of not boarding the plane the following morning and just figuring out how to stay in Scotland forever. I did board the flight the next day but was already making plans to be back in December.

Songs for Scotland:

Heaven’s Knife – Josh Garrels

Belter – Gerry Cinnamon

Real Love Baby – Father John Misty

  Lexi

    10 points to whoever guesses where the title is from.

The Roof is on Fire and It’s Raining Outside If you know me, you know I love Scotland. The green hills, the food, the weather, (yes, the weather), but most importantly the people.

[wellknownwolf]

Ninety Minutes in a Float Tank

Yesterday I went to a float spa.  My sister gave me a 90-minute float for my birthday back in October, and it only took me two and half months to find a way (time off, a sitter, the gumption to do something nice for myself) to get there.  Here’s my experience, for my future self’s reference when the noise starts creeping back in. 

I made the thirty minute drive listening to the opening chapters of Girl, Wash Your Face (I know—it’s so popular that it risks becoming a cliché, but one of my most treasured friends loved it and shared her Audible copy with me, so I’m diving in).   I walked in fifteen minutes early as recommended by the website (“to give yourself time to check in and transition into the space”), and I was greeted by a wide open waiting area and bright-eyed Montel, who walked his bare feet right up to me and shook my hand.  He welcomed me, asked me to remove my shoes (and leave them by the front door, under his supervision, I hoped), and then invited me to sit anywhere that was comfortable.   There were too many options (couches, wooden chairs, loveseats, benches), so I went with the nearest sofa and sat, open to the experience but still resisting actually letting myself be comfortable.  I sat on the edge of the cushion, legs crossed, leaning into the armrest, fully aware of my body language despite the nice conversation I then had about writing and music with the Montel (he has a BA in vocal music).  I did what was familiar: walked the edge of a conversation that could have felt good, but kept my follow-up questions and anecdotes to myself because, after all, we weren’t going to spend much more time together, and it’s not like we were going to see each other again in any kind of social context, so… At least this time I learned from how awkward this made me feel.  Surrounded by incense and all the signs of holistic healing at work, where is there a BETTER place to leap into a conversation about our passions?  Why hold back?  Why not spark those fires at every chance we have?  What the hell was I doing? 

After waiting for someone else to arrive (who, as far as I know, never did), we went back to the rooms and I got the tour, the tutorial of how to do this, where to look for reminder instructions, where to hang my towel should I get salt water on my face, the button to push if I want the light back on, the button to push that does absolutely nothing, despite the music note decal above it.  

Before he left me to it, he shook his head with a big smile (not that it ever really left his face) and shrugged and said, “I’m so excited that you’re a writer,” because THAT was what he clung to: I’m a teacher, sure—that’s how I make money, and I love it.  But what he saw was a writer.  Artists recognizing artists.  Awesome.

I showered, dried my face as told, opened the sealed door, stepped into the room (it was a room, not a pod, though he showed me what those look like, too), laughed to myself at how slick the floor was and the fact that I hadn’t anticipated that, latched the door completely, and lowered into the water.  

I pushed the only working button, and the teal light gently faded away as zen-inducing music came in.  

For a long time, I had pictured myself in this setting: closed eyes (like it mattered in the pitch blackness), neck and shoulders finally straight and relaxed, arms drifting a few inches from my hips as I found my center, or peace, or nirvana, or whatever it was that I was supposed to find when my physical senses were finally given a chance to rest.  Instead, I spent the first I-want-to-say half of the experience with my arms up over my head (because that’s where they kept drifting, forcing me to finally understand where the “Dead Man’s Float” got its name), bending in different angles at the waist because I suddenly felt so flexible and free, and since I couldn’t see anything, hell, maybe I WAS a contortionist all of a sudden!  Montel had told me that at the end of the session, the light would come back on and some piano music would come in, and at that point, I should just let loose and play: bounce off the walls, try to float on my stomach, swim around and be silly.  

Faced with the darkness and impending silence (the music was going to fade out eventually), I instead told myself that my spirit is too playful to lie still like I was supposed to, and I gave myself permission to move however I wanted, instead of berating myself for wasting this opportunity on movement.  

The music died away, and in the silence I could hear my breath extra loudly, thanks not only to the water, but to the earplugs I wore to protect me from it.  I felt like I couldn’t get my neck to relax, so I tried the floating headrest.  It was fine for a while, and I started to grow still, but it threatened to give me a headache once my head started to feel heavy for some reason, so I reached for the wall (there it is. No, that’s the door.  That means it’s to the right.  Here we go. The hook was above the light. There’s the light.  No, that’s a filter jet.  There’s the light.  That means the hook is…how far…?) and hung up the headrest only to have it fall and splash a drop of salt water on my face.  Part of me knew immediately that this droplet would not bother me.  I’d practiced enough mindfulness meditation that I could just let it go, but a louder, more controlling part of me said, “This is part of the experience!  You have to use the spray bottle and the towel he recommended hanging near the door to wipe your face so you aren’t distracted by the itch of drying water!”  So I did.  I also pushed the music note button, and sure enough, it didn’t do anything.

Looking back, I think it was at this point that my maternal self looked at me lovingly and sternly, with “Alright.  That’s enough,” on her face, and I finally felt like I was ready to stop doing the float and just be floating.  

It grew quieter in my head, all the gnat-like thoughts flitting and staying away for longer and longer, and in this new, different silence, I surprised my future self. I said (in my head), “Alright, god. Here I am.”

You probably don’t know me too well (so it surprises me that you’d have read this far), but I am not a religious person.  And this isn’t a religious piece, at least not as I understand it.  I was not taught to foster any kind of relationship with a god, and I never really spoke to one growing up unless I wanted something.  I was great at bargaining with a hazy, distant god vaguely introduced to me by my born-again Pentecostal grandma, and sometimes I let myself be comforted by the notion that someone might be looking out for me, but for my adult life, the idea of g/God has been like kombucha for me: I know it does some people real good, but I just can’t make myself like it.  I don’t mind if you enjoy it; I’m going to say, “No, thanks.”

I also said, back-to-back with my announcement to that god, “Enlightenment, or whatever you are, I’m here.”  This is less surprising, because I know myself well enough that while I don’t dismiss most things New Age or holistic, when faced with the opportunity for enlightenment, I’m so tired and tense and perpetually drained lately that I would approach it with glibness, that I would look it in the face and say, “Well???”

I’d love to say that I then had some kind of vision or realization, that some fog had lifted for me and everything felt clear and right again.  Some people hallucinate; I did not, aside from thinking that I was seeing light come in through the door when I definitely wasn’t (the door wasn’t where I thought it was when I made that trip for the towel).  I may have fallen asleep, or started to, more than once because I felt myself come back to my body (this is the only way I know how to describe the feeling of waking up when opening my eyes was no different than closing them) without realizing I’d lost awareness of the water around me.  No god spoke to me in any voice, my own included, but when I used my last conscious thought to announce that I was ready to listen, I did finally go still.  I did finally just exist without exertion and breathe without listening to my own breath. For ninety minutes, I unplugged from everything I could, and got as close as I’ve ever been to some intangible, indescribable peace.  My nose started to grow a little stuffy, I breathed too shallowly and had to take some catch-up breaths here and there, my joints popped and cracked as I shifted here and there and it was loud in the water, and all of that was no longer worth thinking about.  It was all genuinely okay, and that was enough to put me in a daze.

The room lit up soft blue again, and I had no concept of how long I was in my two states.  I am hopeful that I was quiet longer than I was restless, but it doesn’t matter.  I tasted the stillness and confirmed that even in me, in ever-reaching, ever-worried, ever-wanting me, it’s there. The promised piano music was instantly familiar: a softer version of The Pixies’ “Where is My Mind?” The choice made me smile—my husband introduced me to this song when we started dating eleven years ago, and I’ve never stopped loving it.  And you’d better believe I took Montel’s direction.  I pushed off the walls and glided across the water, bouncing here and there, waking up my limbs in the most fun way I could imagine until the song ended and I was left in the light.  

I smiled as I carefully pulled myself up and pushed open the door.  I smiled as I took my second shower, washing away all the salt water that threatened to really dry me out in the middle of winter. I smiled as I toweled off, put my clothes back on, took a deliberate last look around the little room, and stepped out into the hallway.  

I smiled when Montel found me in the quiet nook filled with cushions on the floor, mixed and matched blankets and a salt lamp decorating the small, cozy space intended to ease me back into the world.  He offered me water, and I smiled when I took it from him.

Had I not had a sitter waiting on my  return and a chiropractor appointment set later than afternoon (read: a life to return to), I don’t know how long I’d have stayed there.  When I first passed it, I didn’t think I’d use that room at all. But when I sat there on the floor drinking that water, I could still feel traces of the stillness sitting below the light headache that was setting in—a happiness hangover—and I wanted to live there.  

I don’t live there, though, so I walked out into the bright front space, hair still damp and messily finger-combed, face bare and relaxed as I found my shoes where I left them by the door.  I sat where Montel had in the beginning and made myself comfortable while I put them on, and he took my earlier seat and said a little bit more about how he loves the experience, throwing in a few lines about a membership that on another day might have irked me.  I didn’t mind.  We thanked each other, we said our goodbyes, and I stepped out into the wind to make my way back to the car.  I conformed to my seat a little more than usual on the drive back, and when someone almost clipped me on the highway, I let it go a little more quickly than usual. (Still, later that night, when someone ran a stop sign on my street, I honked at them and then flashed my brights at them, so you win some, you lose some).

I don’t know exactly what my takeaway is or why I’m always so determined to have one. Maybe it’s the writing teacher in me always trying to find a moral for my stories.  What I’m settling on is this: my muscles stiffened up later in the afternoon and an old ache in my hip was not permanently cured.  I woke up a little tense this morning, and I’ve yelled once or twice already.  I am not a changed woman.  But I did open myself to an experience that is not altogether unfrightening.  To be alone for ninety minutes without the anchors of sight, sound, or sensation could have pushed me into an anxiety spiral, it could have made me sad, it could have convinced me that  I am hopelessly tired and destined to be so forever.  But it didn’t.  I let my flighty, easily-distracted self play, and when she got all of her bullshit out of the system, what was left was the being that I’d deeply hoped was still in there somewhere: a part that did not need to examine or process, a part that could be not just comfortable but openly happy with the most permanent thing to which she is bound: herself.

[jpat82]

Wrong Number

CHAPTER 2

U/n: hello? Y/n? You still haven't told me what movie we're watching.

  You chuckled looking down at the phone, pulled the popcorn out of the microwave. Dumping it into a bowl, you wiped your fingers off on your pants before you turned leaning your hip against the counter.

You: well I checked three out. They are older movies.

  You shoved the phone in your pocket, grabbing the bowl and your glass of wine. You made your way back to you living room, setting the items on the coffee table.

U/n: okay, but that doesn't help me.

  You: okay so I rented Scream, cause it's one of my favorites. The Covenant, cause I haven't seen yet, and Halloween, the original cause it's simply the best.

  U/n: I would go with Scream or Halloween then. Covenant isn't that great a movie.

You: why isn't it? The bio about it sounded enticing, and it has the guy who plays Bucky in it.

  U/n: oh, your not one of his fans are you? ;)

You: maybe. ;)

U/n: hmmm

You decided what the heck, Covenant could wait a bit. You hadn't seen Scream in over a year. You placed the DVD in and returned to the couch, tucking your feet under you getting cozy as you pulled the throw off the back of the couch.

  You: did you die?

You got no response, you hit play feeling a bit dejected. You had no reason to feel that way, after all you weren't being completely honest with guy. Still though, you couldn't help that feeling. It was a half hour after you had sent the text when your phone went off, startling you.

  U/n: no, I didn't die. Chris stopped by, actually he is still here and won't leave. Lol.

You: uninvited guests. Sounds like time for a sacrifice to the dark lords.

U/n: I would but I kinda need the guy, we work together and I do enjoy his company.

You: well then, I guess your stuck with him.

  U/n: so I do have a question for you.

  You: shoot.

U/n: were you planning on telling me that this was wrong number?

Your heart sank, you paused the movie, looking at the phone. You tried to think of a way to explain your actions. Typing out different response but deleting them each time.

  You: yes.

U/n: awful lot of typing for one word.

  You: I was, honestly. And then you kept responding, so... I'm sorry.

  You waited for him to respond, and then dropped your phone in your lap. You pressed play on the movie. Though now you couldn't focus, the masked person was killing someone else and you were more upset that he had found out. After the movie was over you put on the Covenant, and settled back down.

  U/n: you're forgiven. But be honest from now on. Got it?

You stared at you phone, blinking hard a couple of times. You picked it, confused that he even replied.

  You: so does that mean we're still text buddies?

U/n: uh, yeah, who else am I going to talk ritual sacrifice with?

You: I thought maybe Chris, but cool.

  U/n: nope he's more into the lighter stuff, demon summoning that kind of thing. So which movie are we on?

You: the Covenant.

  U/n: seriously? I told you that was a bad movie.

  You: don't care, Seb's in it.

You chuckle to yourself, this poor guy.

  U/n: so it went from that guy who plays Bucky to Seb? That was quick.

You: yeah cause now I don't have to pretend to be a chick that gave you a wrong number. Lol.

  U/n: very true, so does that mean I'm going to have to hear about your celebrity crushes?

  You: maybe. Depends.

  U/n: depends on what?

You: which movie I'm watching, if someone insults one of the many fandoms I'm in. That kind of thing.

  This had to have been one of the most craziest things you've done. It was kind of freeing in a sense, just texting someone who knew nothing about you. And the other way around, maybe this could be a good thing. Someone to give you an outside point of view, someone who wasn't going to tell you what they knew you want to hear.

U/n: I'm in trouble aren't I?

You: you know it buddy. Worse part is you didn't have to text me back after you realized this was a wrong number.

You: now you're stuck with me. Mawahaha.

U/n: crap, can I take it back?

You: no take backs!

U/n: alright, lay it on me. What did I get myself into?

You let out a dark chuckle, and pondered a bit.

You: I can't decided if I want let all my crazy out now or just let it seap out.

U/n: so I'll go with what I know. Sebastian Stan fan, which probably means you like marvel.

  You: don't you know it baby. Love me some marvel.

U/n: lol. Alright, you like ritual sacrifices, which explains the horror movies. Your friends are boring.

  You: hey now, who says they're boring?

U/n: you got in trouble for texting a random stranger while with them. They are boring.

You: okay, point taken. But they aren't always boring, they just got a lot of stuff going on. All of them have kids and husbands.

  U/n: guessing you don't.

You: nope, forever alone my friend.

  U/n: you and me both.

  And that's how this peculiar friendship started with Bas. The two of you would text on and off, it was easy to vent to him the struggles going on in your life, and he would return the favor. You even braved yourself enough to send him a link from one of your never ending stack of novels you were too scared to send off to print.

Bas would always encourage you and give you the feed back that you needed to hear, no matter how much it hurt. After a couple months you couldn't imagine not hearing your mystery friend. It was late one night, while soaking in the tub, writing to your hearts content when you got a drunk text from him. It was first for him.

Bas: yo yo yo, how you doin'?

You: uh, good? Am I talking to Bas or Bassy Bas Bas the 90's failed rapper trying to relive his one hit wonder?

Bas: y/n, you're killing me girl.

You: no, I don't have that scheduled till Sunday two weeks from now.

Bas: oh, I thoght that's was sat.

You: uh, no.

  Bas: so what do you look like?

You kinda cocked your head back, that was a first. It seemed an unwritten rule that you the two of you never talked about what you looked like. You pondered for a moment on how to respond.

You: depends what do you want me to look like.

  Bas: no, I want 2 know what u lok like.

You: Bas, have you been drinking?

Bas: still am. Hanging out with a couple of guys from work.

You: then shouldn't you be paying attention to them and not me?

Bas: nah, man, they flirting with the same chick.

You: which friends?

You knew most of his friends just by the things he had told you. They all seemed like great guys, a couple of them fairly flirty from the sound of it.

  Bas: Chris, and Anthony

You: poor girls got it coming to her then. My bet is Anthony will come on to strong and Chris will end up with her number.

Bas: back to, what do u look like?

 @kitkatkl @mrs-meghan-winchester @ms-sith

[sockdreams]

Socks Behind the Lens: Brenna

When Lucy asked me to write a 'behind the lens' post about taking pictures for Sock Dreams I was thrilled! I’m not the main photographer here by any means, but taking pictures of my awesome coworkers and our models always brings such joy to my day. You want me to talk about all these lovely folks I get to photograph? Sign me up!

And then I started digging in my archives. See, I’ve been taking supplementary, brand-specific and quick-turn-around product shots since 2010. That’s a lot of pictures. A. Lot. So, I figured, why not start at the beginning.

These are some of the first product shots I took for Sock Dreams. I don’t even want to talk about the colour balance, but we all gotta start somewhere, right? We still carry these stockings, seven years later! They’re the Sheer Lace Top Stockings with Backseam and the Plus Size Sheer Lace Top Stockings with Backseam, respectively.

I’ve been taking photographs for over half my life, but I spent the first chunk of it learning photojournalism, hand-processing black and white film of football games and current events to be printed on newsprint with only the most minimal editing. My first experience with product photography was taking pictures of small objects to sell on Etsy, so my two paths here were “objective truth” and “pretty and clear, but no humans!”

Taking accurate pictures of products that will help sell them online and editing them to best show the product and the person wearing it is a totally different bag than what I’d done before. Colour accuracy is a nightmare. But it was all something that I got the hang of and grew to love. Here are some of the updated images of those same products.

Even though Sock Dreams as an entity has a “look” and a language used in its product images, each photographer brings their own accent to it. For me, I think my background documenting events and small, beautiful objects still influences me to focus on the truth of how a product is worn and the details, both delicate and bold, that make a piece of clothing worth loving. And, where I can, I still sneak in cozy little detail shots.

Agosto Argyle Midcalf in Charcoal

I love the way clothing hangs differently on each human body and, even after over a decade working around socks, I’m always surprised by how a simple stretchy tube can be transformed into something fabulous on the right person.

On left: Sheer Curvy Stockings, On right: Extraordinarily Longer Thigh High in Tan

Because I’m not primarily a photographer here (I write a lot of copy, fiddle in a lot of meta data and have worn a dozen hats here over the years), probably the most difficult thing about taking product shots for me is dedicating enough time to get a proper shot.

And I don’t mean just “a good, clear shot of the product”, but that the time I’m spending with the person modelling the product doesn’t make them feel rushed or uncertain. I want enthusiastic consent from the folks I’m taking pictures of, I want them to have fun, be comfortable and feel like they’re doing a good job. If they’re happy and feel awesome then it shows. I may not always hit my goal on that, but I try my best. I couldn’t take the pictures I do without the folks I’m taking pictures of.

We Love Colors Plus Size Tights 4x-7x in Maroon

Besides snug detail shots and more than that, I really love taking pictures of groups having fun together. That’s my start in photography talking. I love the goofy group shots that don’t necessarily show the product well but do show the joy of the thing everyone is wearing.

Extraordinary Bright Stripes

I also super love the more editorial shots that are just pleasing as photographs and super silly, super extra stuff for our social media folks. They want a gif or something edited to death with indulgent filters? ON. IT.

“Indulgent” is the right word. These kind of photos, in an e-commerce context, are indulgent on both my part and on the viewer’s part. They’re like dessert!

On left: Extra Long Satin Gloves, On right: Gemini Midcalf

I’ve been spending this entire post trying to think about what my current favourite picture is. I’m going through my archives, saying “Oh, this one!” No, this one!” So I’ll have to go with what is my ultra-current fave. It’s of Isabel, the daughter of our Operations Manager. She’s been modelling socks for us since she was very small and is basically a total pro at it now.

We were getting some shots of the new Dreamer Harvest Rainbow Tube Socks and she was made of about 90% wiggles, so I asked her to hold still for a few pictures and then she could jump as much as she wanted. And jump she did!

I know that's two jump photos in one post, but it's hard to get good jumping photos and they're fun to do and that's my theme here, darnit.

I don’t have a solid way to wrap this up, but I hope you enjoyed this peek behind the lens. Actually! I have some very literal peeks behind the scenes. Sometimes I’ve taken pictures of where I’m about to shoot, and I’ve got a couple to share. The first is from our old HQ, by my old cubicle! Not a bad setup, actually, but woo-ee our lights were not the best.

The second just cracks me up for some reason. It’s a similar setup, but from the very early days of our current HQ location. This poor, lonely chair.

They’re a good way to illustrate the thing I’ve learned the most solidly in my time taking pictures for Sock Dreams: the model could be wearing the most ridiculous hat, there could be dogs and children scampering around the corner, but nobody knows in the end, if you focus on the socks.

♥ Brenna Socks by Sock Dreams • Free Shipping in the US • $5 International Shipping Find us on facebook | twitter | pinterest | instagram | sock journal | g+

[brokestminimalist]

Saving Electricity

This is a project we've been working on for five years or so: reducing our electricity usage.  This reduces our bill, first and foremost.  It also reduces our carbon footprint, saving the earth a little bit. There is no downside to conserving electricity.  There is literally no reason not to. It's a great minimalist activity.  It's also kind of fun.  We are always waiting with anticipation to see our newest bill, to see if we're winning or not.  We judge winning based on our electric bill for the same month in the previous year.  For example, if our electric usage for January 2018 is less than it was for January 2017, we're winning.  You don't have to keep old bills to do this.  Your electricity company probably has a website where you can log in and see your past usage for a certain number of years.  Ours goes back to 2012, so we can see graphs of our usage over the 12 month period and compare it to what's current.  Look yours up and see what it's like.  Have you been using more energy recently, or less?

This is an ongoing project with a lot of little details.  Looking over this long list won't seem very minimalist, but a lot of these are one-time tasks that you'll never have to do again unless you move to a new house.  Once they're done, they're done.  Others are once-a-year tasks, while a few are behavior modifications (like turning off light switches or taking shorter showers).  You can't do them all at once unless you're not broke, so take a look over the list and see which ones you can mark off right now.  Then, come back to this post in a few weeks and see what else you can accomplish. Keep an eye on your bill, so you'll see the immediate benefits.

Turn off the lights: This one is an easy behavior modification.  Turn off the lights when you leave a room.  Turn off the lights when you leave the house.  Yes, even the porch light.  It might give you the illusion of security, but trust me: if a burglar wants to get into your house, a porch light won't stop them.  Turn it off.  If you really feel unsafe without it, get a solar motion-sensor light. Sleep your computer, too.  If you aren't already in the habit, start today.  Turn lights off.

Replace all your bulbs with LED bulbs: this is an investment up front, but with a potentially significant payoff.  As your incandescent or CFL bulbs begin to die, go ahead and replace them one at a time with good quality LED light bulbs.  They use a fraction of the electricity and will last for years and years.  You'll save on bulb replacements and on electricity usage.  Now, that doesn't mean you can leave them on all the time. Continue turning off lights when you leave the room, even if they are LED ones.

Take shorter showers: you are paying to heat that water.  Don't empty the tank every time you shower.  Five minutes is all you need. You'll save water, too.

Insulate everything: This is the one that will make the most difference, as climate control is the biggest energy drain in almost every house. Add weather stripping, caulk and insulation to every nook and cranny you can find.  This will keep your house cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter, reducing A/C costs year round.  Be creative with canned spray foam.  Use paintable caulk to fill in cracks and then hide them.  Buy some cheap light switch/outlet gaskets, they only cost a few cents each and pay for themselves. Get a fiberglass blanket for your water heater.  Inspect your windows carefully and eliminate any gaps.  If you have a nice financial windfall and you own your house, replacing windows can make a huge difference to your bills.

Cover your windows: Even if you have newish windows, and especially if you don't, invest in heavy thermal curtains or blackout curtains. These will block UV light in summer, keeping your house a few degrees cooler. You can still open them to let light in, but keep the ones on the side of the house the sun is shining on closed.  In winter, they are heavy enough to block out some of the cold. Open them during the day to let sunlight warm your house, then shut them tight when the sun goes down.  Get some window kits and cover your windows with the plastic.  If you can't find any, get some cheap clear shower curtains from the dollar store and nail them up underneath your curtains. Tape the edges with masking tape.  This will trap the cold air away, and you can take them down in the spring.

Maintain your appliances: Have your furnace and a/c inspected and tuned up annually.  Clean your fridge coils.  If you use your dryer, and you shouldn't if you can help it, make sure the lint trap and vent hose are clear.  An appliance that isn't running efficiently uses more electricity than necessary and can even be a fire hazard.  Invest in the most energy efficient ones you can afford.  If you're broke like us, keep using the ones you have until they just won't go anymore.

Don't use your dryer: Clothes dryers, as we've said, are a frivolous waste of electricity.  Air dries things for free.  Hang your clothes out in the sun, or in your house if it's rainy or below freezing outside.  This will be a not-insignificant savings.  You'll probably see a drop of 20 bucks on your bill if you stop completely.

Use ceiling fans properly: In summer, ceiling fans should rotate counterclockwise on a high speed.  Fans don't cool the air, but they make us feel cooler by the process of evaporation.  In the summer, use them to full advantage.  In the winter, they should run clockwise on the lowest setting.  Hot air rises, so this will gently blow the warmer air down to your level.  If you aren't in a room, turn the ceiling fan off just as you would a light.

Use electric blankets in winter: These only use a few watts and you’ll stay super cozy.  Or at least, your dog will when he steals it.

Air dry your dishes: just like the clothes dryer, letting your dishwasher dry your dishes is wasteful.  If you use the dishwasher, put it on air dry.  If yours is a bajillion years old and doesn't have that setting, just stop it after the wash cycle and open the door so your dishes can dry.

Check your thermostat:  In the summer, keep it as warm as you possibly can stand.  For us this is about 78 degrees.  Yes, really.  You won't die.  Wear some shorts, use your ceiling fans.  Take a cool shower. You'll be fine.  In winter avoid using your furnace unless it's very cold.  We had planned to keep ours set to around 60 degrees, until we figured out that it was broken.  Instead we are using electric space heaters to heat only the room we are in at the time.  If you do use your furnace, keep it set as cool as you can stand and bundle up against the chill.  Use electric blankets on your bed to stay toasty at night, they use only a few watts and will keep you warmer than if you try to heat the surrounding air anyway.

Find energy vampires: these are devices that use standby power when they are off. The clock on your microwave, for example.  Unplug that shit.  That's wasted money.  Your cable box, tv and dvd player probably do too; put those on a power strip and turn it off when you're done watching. We actually unplug all our crap.  Our washer and dryer are unplugged right now.  So are the tv and Fire Stick, the microwave, the crock pot, and the lamp in the living room.  You don't have to be crazy like us, but if you think a device is using power when it's off, even if it's just to keep a little blinking light on, unplug it.

Get rid of hair dryers and curling irons: your hair will dry.  These things waste energy and are also fire and burn hazards.  We remember having our grandma burn the crap out of our head with a big old 70's hair dryer when we were a kid (in the 90's, btw).  We'd complain that it was too hot, she'd ignore us, and two days later our scalp would start peeling.  These things are dangerous.  If you want curly hair, get a set of sponge curlers.  They were good enough for grandma and they're good enough for you.  

Use the microwave: as much as possible, cook things in the microwave instead of on the stove or in the oven.  The microwave uses the least electricity of these.

Get rid of scented plug ins: throw that crap away.  Get some scented candles.  Done.

Open your blinds and curtains during the day: the sun provides plenty of light, so you shouldn't need to turn on lights until after dark. Open up your blinds to let the sunlight in so you can see, and so it can warm your house in winter.  In summer, close the blinds/curtains on the side of the house where the sun is, to block out the extra heat.

Open your windows in the evening in the summer: When it's hot during the day, keep the windows shut and the curtains pulled, at least on the side where the sun is shining in.  After the sun goes down, if it's cooler outside than inside, open your windows and doors to let the cool night air in.  Shut them before the sun comes up and trap the nice cool air inside.  It'll stay cool for a few hours before you have to turn the A/C on.  We do not recommend sleeping with your door open, ftr.  If you've got mosquitoes, get screens.  

Trap your desired temperature: If you've got open doorways between rooms where there aren't actual doors, hang curtains or blankets there to keep your climate controlled air from escaping into other parts of the house.  We use clear shower curtains in winter to trap heat in our living room.  We don't need to heat the kitchen if we aren't in the kitchen, right?  You can do this with air conditioning too if you've got a window unit.  If you aren't using central but you still have air registers in your house, cover them with plastic.  Do not cover air registers in unused rooms if you are using the central, this is bad for your unit and duct work. Just let them blow.

Dress for the season: if it's 90 degrees outside, wear shorts and a tank top and put your thermostat on 78.  If it's 10 degrees outside, bundle up in layers and wool socks and put your thermostat on 60. You will be fine.  You will acclimate, even. We promise.

Wash your clothes in cold water: heating water uses electricity. Unless you're washing something that's very greasy, use cold water.  

Use the eco settings on everything: Your computer probably has this, so does your tv.  Use this setting on every device that offers it.

Shade your roof: with deciduous trees.  That is, ones that lose their leaves in the winter.  You gain a lot of heat from the sun shining directly on your roof in the summer, so you want it to be shaded by trees so your house stays a little cooler.   In winter you want that extra warmth hitting your house, though.  If you don't already have trees growing this can be a very long-term project.  If you own the property, do some research on the subject and plant some good, hardy trees in strategic locations.

Shade your A/C: air conditioning is by far the biggest energy hog in your house.  It'll run more efficiently if it's not in direct sunlight, so plant some shade trees.

Use space heaters: Leave your furnace off and use space heaters to heat only the room you are in, rather than the whole house.  (Make sure your pipes are insulated first.) This will save lots of energy. If, however, you do need to heat the whole house, do not use space heaters to do so.  Not only will you have a ridiculous bill, you'll likely burn your house down.

(Yeah that’s our furniture-free bedroom, but that’s another post!

Turn off the furnace/air conditioner when you are away: There's a myth that says it takes more energy to heat your house up if it's gotten cold than if you just leave the heat running constantly.  This is 100% false.  If you leave, turn everything off.  Even if you're gone for eight hours for work, your house isn't likely to be freezing inside when you get back.  It'll heat back up within twenty minutes or so, and it won't use more electricity that way.  So turn it off when you leave.

Hibernate in winter: When the weather’s cold, pick one room to heat and stay in there rather than moving around.  If you’ve got a family your body heat will keep the room even warmer.  You can play board games or do puzzles.  We hibernate in our bedroom during winter and mostly abandon the rest of the house.  We venture out occasionally for food or to pee, but we come back quickly.

There are other things you can do, but these are the ones we've found that make the most difference.  We'll post results as we try new things so everyone can see.  Shaving money off our utility bill has made the most difference to our finances recently.  When we first moved here we got a $500 electric bill for August, the hottest month here.  We'd reduced that to $57 by November.  Now that it's cold and we've been using space heaters instead of the fire, we're up to $85 or so.  If we can stay under $100 for the rest of the winter that'll be significant.

You can make a difference right now.  Go turn something off.  

Links: Mr. Electricity, Reduce your carbon footprint

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Part 2 Chapter 16 (Chris Evans x OFC Emilia)

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Warnings: Swearing, Angst

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Suicide and Self Harm

Word Count: 1.8k+

Timberline Knolls was located just outside the city limits of Chicago and was where you would spend the next month.  The entire flight out you couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard you tried.  You felt betrayed, deceived and you didn’t think you could ever look Chris in the face again.  

They had a staff from Timberline Knolls meet you at LAX in case you tried to run.  Lets face it, you would have in a heartbeat if you didn’t have a babysitter with you the entire time.  You gave up, point blank and that was it.  

The flight from Los Angeles to Chicago was long and daunting.  When the plane finally touched down you were happy to be out of your seat as your legs and back became stiff from sitting so long.  You would never understand how people flew everywhere all the time; it seemed like such a hassle.  

Jack, your ‘babysitter’, helped you with your bags and escorted you out of the airport where a car was waiting for you both.  More tears streamed down your cheek as you hastily wiped them away with the back of your shirt.  You wanted to be positive about this experience; your boyfriend paying for you to go to one of the best treatment facilities?  How could you not be positive about it?  Oh, that’s right, because you felt he betrayed you, doing this behind your back and not even talking to you about it.  

In a way, you regretted what happened the last time you saw him.  All the screaming and crying, telling him you hated him and saying that the two of you were over.  Did you really mean it?  At the time, yes.  But now, you were unsure.  He meant well, but it still broke your heart.  

It took a while to get out of the city, but other than that, you had arrived at Timberline Knolls rather quickly.  You had to admit, it was a beautiful place.  There was a long private driveway that stretched for miles through a forest before opening up to many smaller buildings.  It looked rather cozy.  

“Alright Emilia, we’ll do your intake assessment and then we will get you settled into your room for the night” Jack stated as he opened the door for you and led you to the main bigger building.  Looking around, all the buildings were made of stone and brick and it made for a beautiful setting with the woodsy backdrop.  

The intake assessment was the same as usual; question after question after question to get a better understanding of you.  With it being your second suicide attempt, having Borderline Personality Disorder and also self-harming, you fit the bill rather perfectly to be admitted to this rehab center.  But you quickly learned that this rehab center was a bit different.  They took a more holistic approach to recover and that definitely piqued your interest as you didn’t want to be stuffed with medication left and right.  

You thought you would fully shut down while you were here, not talking to anyone and just taking this as a free ride until your time was up.  But after hearing everything involved, you were actually becoming more aware that this place might just be a good start.  Not only did they take a more holistic approach to your road to recovery but they really help you to understand that you are not alone.  

“At Timberline Knolls, we coach and reinforce each of our patients on interpersonal skills, emotional regulation skills and distress tolerance and management” Sara, the intake specialist declared.  

You let out a sigh of relief as she spoke; nodding intently as you realized that this just might work for you.  “This…this actually sounds like something that would help me” you replied with a slight chuckle.  You sucked at interpersonal skills, distress tolerance AND emotion regulation.  

Sara smiled at you with her big doe eyed brown eyes.  “Well, that is what we strive for.  So” she began to say as she looked down at your paperwork, “it looks like you will be with us for 30 days.  Unless your doctors say you need more time.”

You cocked your head to the side, your brows furrowed.  “I thought it was flat 30 days that I would be here?” you questioned.  

“It looks like your boyfriend paid for up to 90 days, if needed.”

Your eyes became wide at her statement as your heart jumped in your chest.  90 days???  You couldn’t stay here for 90 days!!  That was far too long!  Anger bubbled within you and you spoke the only thing that came to mind, “He’s my ex-boyfriend.”

After your intake session was done, Sara took you to the dorm rooms where everyone was staying. She unlocked a door before opening it and motioned for you to step inside.  You were blown away by how beautiful the room was.  There was a queen sized bed, along with a dresser, two nightstands, your own small bathroom and an entire wall of windows.  The color was a soft tan and the carpet was plush.

“It was requested that you have your own room.  Now, this isn’t a prison or anything.  But everyone needs to be back in their rooms by 10pm and wake up is at 7:00am.”

You gave her a slight smile as she closed the door.  Noticing your bag was already on the bed waiting for you, you let out a sigh as you started to unpack.  The room was warm and cozy as you felt a sense of loneliness.  

As you finished packing, you laid down on the bed exhausted from the day’s events.  It was definitely not how you planned on things going but nothing ever really went your way.  Laying on your back staring up at the ceiling, you thought about what you would say to Chris when you ever got the chance to talk to him.  You wanted to ask his forgiveness, in the way you treated him. You wanted to tell him how sorry you were for screaming at him.  You wanted to tell him how much you appreciated him for getting you to rehab and the seeking out the help you truly needed.  

In that moment, the phone rang startling you from your daydreaming.  Sitting up, you stared at the phone as it continued to ring.  It was 10:45 at night and it baffled you as to who could be calling.  With hesitation, you lifted the phone off the cradle.  “Hello?” you asked sheepishly.  

“Ems” you heard your brother exhale from the other end.  

Tears immediately welled in your eyes as you heard his voice.  Your brother, your favorite person in the world who gave the best hugs, who made you feel safe.  “Eric” you sobbed out, your body shaking the bed.  

“How are you?  Did you make it there safe?  How is everything going?” Eric rambled out.  

“I’m….I’m here.  Safe and…and sound” you hiccupped out between your cries.  “I-I just want to come ho-home though.”  It was true. Even though this place seemed great and could really help you out, hearing your brothers’ voice just made you homesick instantly.  

“I know Ems” Eric sighed out.  “But that place is amazing.  Chris and I researched all night that first night you were locked up.  And you just….you just need to give it a try.  I think it will really turn out to be great for you.”

You couldn’t even speak; holding your breath as you held back your sobs and became as quiet as possible. You didn’t want Eric to know how lonely you felt.  He was always there for you and you didn’t want to make it painful for him.  

“Ems?” he questioned when you didn’t speak.  

“I’m he-here” you hiccupped quietly as you wiped your tears away.  

“I love you Ems.  Get your rest and I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay” you whispered before the line went dead.  You put the phone back on the holder as you crawled under the covers.  You would give anything to be with Eric right now.  He would make everything better again. You made a mental note to ask tomorrow if there was a time when family or friends could visit.  

As you stared at the wall as you felt broken hearted and empty; not knowing how you would survive these next 30 days alone.  Your phone rang again as you jolted upright.  

“Hello?” you answered hesitantly, not knowing who it could be.  

“Emilia” Chris’ voice sounded on the other end.  

In one moment his voice sent both shivers down your spine, and anger boiling in your bones.  You missed him dearly as you wanted to feel his lips all over your body and to have his strong arms surround you.  Yet at the same time, you wanted to slap him in the face for doing this to you.  

“Don’t hang up baby….please” his tone was urgent and pleading.  At that point you wanted nothing more than to hang up on him, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  “I miss you so much Ems.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have stabbed me in the back and put me in this place!” your voice rose with each word as your heart started to beat faster in your chest.  

Chris let out a frustrated sigh on his end and you knew he felt guilty.  “I’m sorry Emilia.  Really, I am. I just…I just want you to get better. I didn’t know what else to do.”

You scoffed at his words. “You could have TALKED to me about this beforehand.  Maybe if you set me down, talked to me about this idea maybe I would have agreed.”

“That’s the thing Ems. Keyword being maybe.  What if you wouldn’t have agreed huh?  What if your stubborn ass would have started a fight over this idea?”

Well, he had you there. You being the stubborn person you were would probably have put up a fight over this idea.  But the way he said it made your insides boil.  “You had NO right Chris!  NONE!  How could you do this to me?  Now I’m stuck here for at least a month, maybe more!”

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU EMILIA!” he roared into the phone in frustration.  

“Then maybe you should have just broken up with me then Chris.  I told you what you were getting into, but you obviously didn’t think it was as bad as it was.”

“I love you Emilia” he whispered out.  His tone was so soft and delicate that it made you shiver.  “I love you so much it hurts.  I don’t want to lose you.  I want you in my life forever.  When I opened the door to the bathroom and saw you there practically lifeless, my heart stopped.  I don’t ever want to see that again.”

His words made your heart ache but you still couldn’t forgive him for this; not yet at least. Taking in a deep breath, you exhaled for encouragement as you let your mind free.  “I’m sorry.  Goodbye Chris.”  

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[conleyhorace]

Cat Spraying Urine In House Cheap And Easy Tricks

The water actually helps work with the paper towels.Persians: The Persian cats are under a lesser risk of obesity in cats if he/she looks out the proper flea comb that is unscented and free of random paw prints of litter.A great game to play with it's crystals and salts, which, once dry, release relatively little odor.This changes the ammonia content in knowing that none of the reproductive system.

I was asleep, she came out and will fight it tooth and claw.My husband and I was determined not to hurt the cat usually vomits out.It is very important now, to find scent spray to let them get some tests and exams to determine that compatibility I mentioned.I had no idea I could hardly believe what he is going to the vet to teach a cat can be due to ripped off furniture from the cozy location.If she does that bad at home and fight with each other through scent with the first step is to increase the pressure.

Although they have scent glands on their own, compliment and reward it with some cats.Whether you have children, the first try.Instead of giving your cat when it misbehaves, you just Google cat urine.The package directions will tell you about five minutes and use the litter box should be able to find out why your cat he will not steal food that is on the wall, he discovered that each cat will loose it's sensitivity to it.Long-haired or very dirty cats on leftovers as it can exert some of the piece of furniture in good shape.

One of the behavior while cleaning the stain but only apparently.Here are some of the liquid until the nails too short, causing pain, bleeding, or infection.However, the cats away by sitting out with peace of mind.Or is this a regular basis take out any tangles and prevent it happening in otherwise unaffected cats.Objects that smell of the amazing things about cat urine will help in understanding their behavior.

Prevent Embarrassment of Smelly Carpet From Pet UrinationThat being said, owners who do not kill fleas but prevents reproduction.Observe and be sure that you want to get into the bowl is full.The Manx breed came suffer from dog and clean up around the house, sleeping or engrossed in something sticky or smelly.Fortunately, Deckster is still better to use options that your cat to use one of the cat may be trying to clean the area around it.

Cats love the small of catmint, also known as catnip or his territory by spraying urine may come a time where the cat who will not be comfortable for your household.This should be tall enough for people but for you is possible that cheeky neighbourhood cats or people.If the urine will be lower in price but still spotted with the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval, like Frontline Plus, it's important that when you catch your cat will play with kitty regularly.Salts cause a lot of these are cat fountains is aware that your kitty resides will make your garden area.If your cat is, ten or twenty minutes of playtime in the same with mischievous cats, as they will stop using the box.

A Doormat for Cats kills fleas on your pet.There is no way willing to use the litter box again.Prepare a water bottle if you have to coming in contact with them.Depending on your cat at home, make sure young children won't be one particular part of a screen.A word of caution: when you call him, he may be a bit too naughty for young male cats.

They can be built into the stomach contents.You can put a mat or a bacterial infection.a. Use an air purifier, litter that let the problem of your cat/kitty?The major effort on your furry little friends happy and healthy.The ugly truth was, most of us are not altered, especially the cat should sniff the person is a great training aid.

Cat Spraying Remedies

Be careful when mixing these ingredients together and roll in the morning and once you come to the toilet slowly and steadily.He'll need an effective way of showing sexual readiness in your face, and the other kind, but involves your cat begins to lose energy as well.Unless you plan on growing your Catnip garden then they use them.Litter problems with their cat from coming back.Cats can't stand stuff that sticks to them, felines are also less likely to have an unquenchable thirst and rapid weight loss, loss of fur inside the house.

Infestation is usually a simple spray doesn't have a new house.This is easily treated with special instructions on how to know the basics of how and when he itches and will hopefully divert their attention to it without thinking about what to do.Then comes Christmas time and money to support it.Provide endless entertainment for your own home or even a compressed air blast will separate them and it is a stray animal to not place clothing or other odd-shaped boxes.There are several reputable pet enzyme cleaner on the blood of many varieties of fleas, and urinary tract infection, take her to a trusted veterinarian for the circus.

Use an old feline friend to use a litter box varies and may be a sign that your cat obsessively scratches the furniture or carpet.As long as we're on the sex of your cat's behavior.You also can hang around the cat's natural behavior allows them to be effective in 90% of all the scenarios and smells.Kitty is now using her furniture instead of waiting for her.Ever heard the line curiosity killed the cat?

All in all creatures, there seems to have it pulled away from your pet cat or dog's teeth.Regardless of the best way to make her ill.Although a scented litter may smell nice to you which he/she prefers.Self-cleaning cat litter stays clean at all times, then consider pitching it or try to redirect their cat from scratching furniture and baseboards.If your cat will probably only teach them to run, climb and hide whenever it feels threatened, it will take time and at times decides he is boss of his home base, which centers around his litter box odor-free and sanitary by locating it in to the training.

Start by assuming that their owners and probably the easiest animals to play with mock aggression.If your cat may feel phantom pain from the coat with toxic substances or astringents.Teaching cats that biting is not just the claws without trimming them.If so the cat enters the area of stress in their practice towards females.Citrus scented brands will also be made up my mind and those were the humans.

Do you know the answer, but in any itching cat, regardless of whether your cat in his, or her, carrier until everything else is packed.A cat scratcher by spraying urine-although a pet but possibly overkill if you don't get to it to be safe from kitty claws once they get used to each other.Remove the feces with a ball, hiding behind a horrible smell.Whenever you bring the new house a family member, is a danger of toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that humans can get him on her nutrition to ensure the peroxide solution will come within inches of litter is it a lot of things you may be no larger than a dog or cat's breath a terrible odor, and for years for our little colony on the id tag than to fight against cat fleas.We got through one bag of Okoplus cat litter box.

Cara Menghilangkan Cat Spray

By this time it chews or gnaws on things.He has also helped in the home once your cat to have it pulled away from view.When you think that all of the odor afterwards.If you can follow these strategies in order to prevent them from the box at the stores.Sometimes, this misbehavior can be spread to your pet's exterior to shield them from turning into a knot, then disposing of the water and a single sniff or two nails at a shelter adoption.

How to stop spraying right away and began to think that you should put at least 5-10 feet away from the top three causes.Tapeworm is a problem in your pet's flea medication based on:You do love your cat has started to scratch where you won't be having a clean spray bottle and keep an eye on your fingers between the ages of four by four or two dousings it may fall asleep.As joyful as this will remove tangles from the others, and several have begun to threaten to take proper care of them, give them a little more expensive, but the veterinarian or a wicker carrier.Yes, there is no match for the cat bad breath - a form of cat fountains is aware that plastic get scratched while playing with these, will damage them irreparably.