barnonymousanbarianstudent

[divinekangaroo]

a home painted bright with blood and thorns - Ch 1/5 - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

After the S4-S6 election/marriage, pre-S5. Some months into Tommy and Lizzie's marriage.

This frequently absent father and husband considers that he often does his best work in extreme circumstances: time pressure, resource constraints, situational uncertainty, high stakes, and gross emotional wounding. He knows what to do, doesn't he?

No matter what sort of internal spiralling disaster cascade he's busily ignoring inside. No matter what badly considered spur of the moment decisions he makes to get through the moment that he might pay for later. No matter what—

.

Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Charles Shelby, Ruby Shelby, Frances, Various Shelby Household Maids, Charles Strong, Cyril the Dog | Domesticity, Intimacy Menstruation, Bodily Fluids, Bodily Solids, Bodily Functions, Babies, Lactation, Mental Health Issues, Repression, Abusive Families (Past), Attempts at Communicating, Trying Hard, Family Trauma, Family Feels, Nail-Biting, Household Dynamics, Absent Father, Avoidance, Deflection, Trying Sooooooooooo Hard, Distress, Comfort Sex, Dysfunctional Family

.

[sinisterexaggerator]

Final Straw

Nick Valentine x Fem Reader | Ao3

Summary: You're sick to death of listening to people insult and belittle Nick; you take matters into your own hands, much to the Synth's surprise, but your methods are a little bit unorthodox.

Warnings: None, except for blood, violence, and foul language. NICK GETS SUPER PISSED AT YOU, and you also share a kiss. 💋

IT'S FLUFF.

Notes: This is SELF-INDULGENT AF. I hate it when people insult Nick in the game. This is my way of getting them back! And I want to kiss him and tell him I love him so bad. ;-:

Word count: 2k

It was the final straw, the one that broke the brahmin’s back, Nick Valentine left to defend himself against hate and bigotry for the umpteenth time, and you would not be party to it.

For so long you had traveled by Nick’s side, learning of the many facets to his personality. If there was a single thing about him you did not like, it had to be the ease with which he practiced self-deprecation, not knowing how to remedy the awful perception he had about himself.

Oftentimes, he regurgitated what came out the mouths of others; it had been internalized, compartmentalized, processed, and stored in his long-term memory, the detective unable to let things go—just like so many cases that remained unsolved.

“Shit, a Synth— don’t come near me. What a freak, thinks he’s human…”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t go near you if it meant tomorrow I’d wake up from this nightmare.”

Your soul ached, knowing that every insult, every snide remark caused some level of psychic damage to your partner, his expressions all too readable for those times he was robbed of his fragile dignity, though always walking away the bigger man.

A culmination of varying factors led you to this, Nick’s tragic past haunting not only himself, but you; what you wouldn’t give to make it better, only wishing you had the power to convince him he was worth more than half the Commonwealth combined.

If Valentine could equate himself to nothing more than garbage, you could be the one to remind him that someone else’s trash was frequently another’s treasure— in this case, he was yours.

Though not privy to your feelings, you adored Nick completely. So much so, you were not above engaging in a physical altercation on his behalf.

“Say that again,” you threatened scathingly, turning to face the asshole who had just dared to disrespect your companion, and for no good reason.

“I said he’s a freak, lady—and what’s a pretty thing like you doing traveling with him, anyway?” the ill-mannered caravan guard asked, acting as if Valentine was some disease he could catch, making a blatant show of his disgust. 

The hired gun pulled no reaction from the Synth, though Nick stared at you tight-lipped, unnatural, glowing eyes trained hard on your face. His silence spoke volumes, instructing you with a stern look beneath the shade of his hat to drop the matter and turn the other cheek—it was something you weren’t willing to do this time, meeting your newfound enemy head-on.

“Apologize!” you demanded, shoving your adversary backward with a forceful push, both your palms making contact with his ribs. Your cheeks burned, accompanying a rise in your temper, readying yourself for if this vermin should do anything but grovel at Nick’s feet.

“Forget it, this guy ain’t worth it,” Nick offered laconically, hoping to appeal to your common sense. “I’ve heard worse in my time; being called a freak is the least of my concerns.”

“But you’re worth it!” you protested, Valentine’s forehead arcing upward at the conviction in your voice. He had a momentary lapse, his concentration faltering as he tried to get a handle on the situation, Nick having visualized an entirely different outcome based on variables that were currently in flux—namely the sudden change in your mood.

It seemed the shithead had caught on, smarter than he looked, eyeing the two of you with suspicion and derision, as if the very idea you could have feelings toward this hunk of junk was baffling when able-bodied, strong men like him existed.   

“Oh, I get it. You’re real sick, lady, a real pervert—you fucking a machine? What’s the matter, human men aren’t good en—”

The jerk was cut off mid-sentence, your balled up fist coming into contact with his jaw; a resounding crack split sound waves as blood spurted from his lips. His colleagues had already wandered off down the road, not wanting to be a part of whatever trouble he had found himself in, having silently agreed to let this member of their team fend for himself.

“You fucking bitch!” the guard twice your size growled, swinging wildly only to miss. Your leg extended; you were pleased when he stumbled, only wishing he had fallen flat on his face.

“Now, wait a—”

He was quick to right himself, spinning on the ball of his heel—you were quicker, kneeing him in the nuts so hard he doubled over, but you weren’t finished yet.

Lifting your arm to gain momentum, you drove the point of your elbow into his spine, causing the offender to drop onto the dirt at your feet.

“I'd say he's down for the—”

Nick couldn’t get a word out; you didn’t appear to be listening, the android observing your uncharacteristic actions with rapt concern. You were pounding your knuckles into the bastard’s nose repeatedly, sticky crimson coating your fist and the man’s sorely wounded face.

As if coming to from a trance, Valentine whisked forward, snatching your wrist before you could cause the poor schmuck any more damage, thinking he may look worse off than even he, what with his bare wires and metal frame exposed to the elements.

“Hey! What’s gotten into you?!” Nick barked, his tone alone condemning your inappropriate conduct, the Synth yanking you up so fast you audibly gasped.

“There ain’t no excuse for this—this guy may be a jackass, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to die!” Nick protested, brows knit in anger the likes of which you had never seen.

You glanced down, only now seeming to notice the extent of his injuries; the man was out like a light. You only cared because he did.

“Nick, I—” you began, voice quavering, losing all resolve as you had been forced to witness Valentine’s sweet disposition vanish, quickly replaced by something undeniably frightening.

You never once imagined yourself to be the victim of his choler, finding you absolutely hated it, breaking down all at once to cry despite not meaning to. You felt simultaneously overwhelmed by guilt and embarrassed beyond measure, unable to look him in the eye.

“Don’t Nick me, this isn’t like you, this—” The man froze, his grip slackening as he loosely held on, thoroughly confused by how you could go from nearly murdering a man in cold blood with your bare hands, to shedding tears in the span of under a minute; he moved to grasp you by your shoulders.

“What’s going on?” he asked, perplexed, the question dry on his tongue. He searched your face for any hint of what the matter was, wondering if you’d lost a screw sometime after leaving Diamond City, as he thought he had a handle on how you operated.

You could not will yourself to respond, vision clouded, droplets pelting your cheeks as you gazed at the ground. You felt worse than a scolded child; you had never meant to upset him so, it being decidedly more terrible than any physical pain you had yet to endure.

“Look at me, damn you!” Valentine demanded, gently jostling you back to the present moment, though your tears only increased, Nick having never cursed at you before.

“Valentine,” you whispered, eyes shimmering, Nick’s fury subsiding to a dull roar as he waited for you to explain yourself. The crease of his brow evened out, the Synth notably more relaxed, though he did not trust you wouldn’t lash out again.

“Go on,” he urged sharply, wanting to get to the bottom of your behavior. It was unnerving, not knowing what else you were capable of at the drop of a dime.

It was an understatement to say that he was surprised when you lifted your arms, pulling the man forward to enfold in your tight embrace. You buried your cheek in the tattered, stained fabric of his coat, crying more softly now as it started to rain.

“Don’t listen to them,” you pleaded, “don’t ever listen to them. You’re perfect just the way you are,” you spoke with earnest, your lips pressing a tender kiss to the spot that lacked a heartbeat, though the gesture stood apart on its own.

“I can’t stand it—the way people treat you, the way they talk down to you—if only they knew—if only they could see what I see—” you sobbed, the sound of your cries muffled against his chest; it was firm, his shirt smelling like coolant and ozone—cigarettes mixed with something earthy—you breathed in deeply, overcome with silent relief when Nick placed his metallic hand on the crown of your head.

“I... I appreciate you, doll,” he started, his voice turning toward a soothing cadence, the way he pet your hair in long, slow strokes comforting you more than it should. “But you didn’t have to do that; would have preferred if you didn’t. Jerks like him get their comeuppance, but it shouldn’t be at the price of dirtying your hands.”

You had never been this intimate with him, nor had you ever planned to be—his words were unscripted, and his affection given of his own volition. You curled in tighter, nuzzling your way into the crook of his good arm, wanting to entomb yourself there for all eternity.

“I’m sorry,” you offered apologetically, feeling the pressure of Nick’s own arms around you, returning your hug, making you feel as if you could die happy at this moment, not minding in the least that there was an unconscious, bleeding man lying only a hairbreadth away. “It hurts me, like I know it hurts you.”

Nick was quiet, mulling over the fact it didn’t do you or him any good to disparage his own person when there were others to do it for him. He had never considered the effect it might have on those around him; it came naturally to want to harp on his own shortcomings—or had it come natural to the real Nick? That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it.

“You’re right, it does. But I shouldn’t let it bother me, not when I have people like you by my side.”

“I love you, Valentine,” you countered, not recognizing the softness of your own voice. You felt a shift beneath you, your head being coaxed to rise by way of a slow tilt of your chin.

Nick stared down at you, gleaming, golden eyes emoting dolefully as he gazed into yours. He held a deep-seated sorrow, not only for you, but for himself, wishing that he was human, if only so he could touch you, hold you, kiss you the way he wanted to.

“That’s not the smartest thing you’ve ever said, but I take it you mean that,” Valentine replied, bending low to brush soft, silicone lips across yours of flesh and blood; they were cool and rough in texture, but not unpleasant. The fact he was kissing you at all was a dream come true.

“With all my heart,” you replied, cupping the Synth's battered cheek in the bowl of your palm, fingers trailing over artificial skin in a light caress.

“So, that’s what this was all about,” he remarked, conjuring up a smile. “You know, I’d give you mine,” he added solemnly, his glum tone indicative of something he was not telling you.

Instead of elaborating, Nick changed the subject, always one to brighten a dark mood. “Next time, just tell me what’s on your mind instead of beating the living daylights out of some poor schmo, all right?”

You managed a smile of your own, delighting in his sarcasm, glad for the fact your confession had taken a lighthearted turn. “I can’t make any promises,” you quipped.

The detective gave a small shake of his head, that lopsided, infectious grin of his spreading up one side of his face. “Taking a page out of my book, are you?”

“I learned from the best,” you breathed, kissing him once more. Though selfish of you, for all you cared, the world could undergo another nuclear war, and you wouldn’t bat a lash, not for as long as you had your funny Valentine.

[thekingofwinterblog]

To me the best sign of the fact that MHA kinda went down hill in the second half is that all the stupid, delusional, trolltheories not coming true... Is disapointing.

Because of course AFO being Deku's dad would be stupid and cliche and contrived - of course introducing time travel to make the "Bak U Go" theorie work would be parody levels of crazy, even Eri turning Shigaraki back into a child Tenko would be an obvious asspull to fix a difficult situation in the most deus ex machina way.

But in retrospect, compared to what we got, that all would be more satisfieng. Cause thats the problem - the real thing we got was just boring, so nothing, just a wimper that seemingly went out of its way to be as unfulfilling as possible.

And the final chapter is the culmination - ofcourse shipping all the charachters together just for the hell of it and giving them kids is self indulgent and formulaic - yet atleast that would give something, make people debate about wacky relationships that make no sense or whatever - but this "wow everyone just went on, vaguely continuing their one dimmensional arcs, solving racism etc" Hell, even just making quirks disapear would be cool, especially if heros lived on, showing that truely being a hero doesnt mean having a flashy power but doing the right thing, with the costumes being reframed from stupid consumer crap into a comitment to do whats right no mater how one looks

One of my buddies descrived the MHA ending as a "no risk one", and honestly, he is absolutely right.

The BIG problem with the final chapter, the reason i describe it time and again as a "Nothing ending" is that it is painfully afraid of committing to ANYTHING as far as how the heroes ended up.

Izuku endes up in a bad outcome ending, where ended up quirkless, and became a teacher at Yuei? Okay, that could work just fine, so long as you emphasise both his regrets but also how much he is fullfilled at his new school... Whatsthat? We never really get a sense that he truly does have regrets? Also we get only the briefest of glimpses into his life as a teacher?

Okay, so who did he end up with? Showing Izuku's partner and maybe q kid or two would go a long way to show that Izuku did not end up like All Might, a man who sacrificed any chance of a normal human companionship to a frankly unhealthy degree the manga critiqued. Also wheter or not he ultimately ended up eith her, Uraraka confessing her feelings is ctitical to her character arc ending on a high note, so jow did that end?

...okay so we get no suggestions that he ended up with anyone? That he seemingpy just resigned himself to be alone forever, just like all might?

All right then, but at least we're committing to an ending where Izuku no longer is a Hero, right?

No wait the twist at the end is that his friends swoop in to finance it all.

...okay? So... Why wasnt the chapter about this? If 1-A loved Izuku so much they were willing to save 5 years worth of Gathered funds to help Izuku, why did we get nothing else in this entire chapter to remind us that they actuqlly loved him still, and instead the entire chapter emphasized how distant Izuku had become?

These two things, Izuku slowly growing distant from his friends in a realistic manner, and them ultimately going all in on helping him out to let him live his dreams, are completely at odds with each other.

In the question, the idea of MHA ending on a "Realistic" is described as by default Boring, but it didnt have to be, so long as it focused on the right things, and actually committed to it to the hilt.

It was more than poasible to Have Izuku ending up as a teacher at Yuei withouth a quirk, teaching the new generation work as an ending, if you actually committed to telling that ending all the way. Realistic does not have to mean boring or unsatisfying.

Similarily, there was absolutely a good way to tell an ending where Izuku lost his quirk and ended up a Tech based Hero as well. So long as you committed to that, and didnt relegate it to the last three pages as a twist ending joke that still wants you to take it seriously.

Ultimately, the ending was a failure because it failed to commit to anything, or to put it another way, it was afraid to take any risks at the very end.

Any shipping resolution in any way? Well, that would absolutely go a long way to hammer in the feel of a realistic ending, because that is how Human beings' work... But that would have been a risk, as someone would have been pissed off by it.

Izuku and ochako getting together? Would have pissed off the bakudeku shippers, the uraraka x toga shippers, and Uraraka x Bakugo shippers.

Him getting together with anyone else? Would have pissed off the Izuku x uraraka shippers, and most certainly the Bakudeku shippers as well.

And on it goes.

Kirishima getting together with Mina? Eould have pissed of the Kirishima x bakugo shippers or the people who headcanon him as gay.

Him getting together with Bakugo? Would have pissed off the ones who shipped him with Ashido.

Aizawa finishing his character arc of growing to actually love teaching and his students by going back to miss joke and finally reconciling with her, and addmitting she was right all along, that he really did want a "household where the laughter never ended" as she put it?

Would have pissed off those who shipped him with Present Mic.

Now im not saying the lack of shipping was THE thing that ruined this ending(other than Izuku x ochako whose lack of resolution one way or another is a massive structural weakness), but it is absolutely a sympthom of how this ending was absolutely terrified of actually committing to any risks.

It is the thing that defines this entire chapter, and honestly the final arc as a whole.

Just to give one example, the reason why Bakugo has NO thematic climax or satisfying ending at the end, is because it is painfully clear that His story was absolutely going to end back on the platform.

Before Hori's editor made him change it, and demand he got a bigger role, Bakugo's thematic ending was going to be that he was murdered while stalling Shigaraki.

He was not going to get to be the Hero who defeated AFO, or even come close to becoming number 1... But he WAS going to get to die a hero.

That was a bold, and very much not safe direction to end one of MHA's most popular characters.

It would also have been a great thematic ending where Bakugo actually did get to be a Hero like he always wanted... while at the same time NOT ultimately rewarding him for the horrible he treats Izuku through the Manga.

You know, like what happened to Endeavor.

There were no happy endings there, with one of his sons rejecting him once and for all, while leaving his firstborn's thoughts on him on a note where we ultimately didnt know how it went, while at the same time ending up crippled in a wheelchair.

Enji was a terrible man who ultimately did become a true hero... But he was not rewarded for it. And that's why it actually works so well.

And it certainly was not the safe way to end it either.

This is also why the villains in MHA ended up on amuch stronger thematic note than any of the heroes.

None of them got safe, nothing endings.

With all of them, Hori one way or another committed himself to have an actual ending that said soemthing, as opposed to the wishy washy final chapter that had no spine to go in either direction.

Dabi burnt himself out, and now has to deal with the consequences of trying to kill himself and everyone else, only to fail at it.

Spinner and compress gave everything for the cause, only for his side to lose, and him ending up in jail, and now has to deal with that.

Toga spent her entire life searching for someone who didnt reject her, and wanted to understand her, and ultimetely though she did not get a relationship with thay person, she went out on her own terms.

Shigaraki tried to destroy the world, having decided to commit himself all the way to becomign the greatest supervillain of all time... Only to in the end, be defeated and being killed, like he himself did to so many others.

None of these were safe options to end these characters on, and there are plenty who werent happy with it... But they are endings where Hori actually committed to going through with it all, wheter to succeed, or fail.

The Heroes by contrast get none of these.

Izuku does not get an ending where it actually commits to... ANYTHING because by doing so, he would piss off some part of his audience.

Bakugo couldnt die at the platform, because he's popular, no matter how much sense ending his story there might make.

Uraraka couldnt confess her feelings and either hook up with, or be rejected by Izuku because that would piss someone off.

Mina and Kirishima couldnt hook up because it too would piss someone off.

We could not get deep, important looks into the Heroes family lives 8 years later, because it would piss people off.

MHA's ending(as far as the heroes are concerned) would have been so much better if the manga was willing to end on an ending that actually take real risks that would have had the possibility to fall on their face.

Or as Wit from Stormlight Archive puts this kinda thinking oh so well:

“All great art is hated. It is obscenely difficult - if not impossible - to make something that nobody hates. Conversely, it is incredibly easy - if not expected - to make something that nobody loves.

This makes sense, if you think about it. Art is about emotion, examination, and going places prople have never gone before to discover and investigate new things. The only way to create something that nobody hates is to ensure that it can't be loved either. Remove enough spice from a soup, and you'll just end up with water.

Human taste is as varied as human fingerprints. Nobody will like everything, everybody dislikes something, someone loves that thing you hate - but at least being hated is better than nothing. To risk metaphor, a grand painting is often about contrast: brightest brights, darkest darks. Not grey mush. That a thing is hated is not proof that it's great art, but the lack of hatred is certainly proof that it is not."

[silenceinternalmonologue]

do you wish to talk about naruto… like I’d love to hear your thoughts on sasuke’s characterization…

oh my god someone asked me about sasuke's characterization. holy shit my time has come. i hope you don't regret this because i'm about to be very annoying

it's such a broad question i didn't rly know where to start so i think i'm going to go through some popular misconceptions people have on various aspects of his character uhhhh

loyalty: not to be all 'sasuke never did anything wrong' but he didn't really do anything wrong. leaving the village and his friends behind was out of a belief that in order to avenge his clan he had to be far more powerful than he was as part of team 7. he was manipulated by itachi (love him tho) and orochimaru who deliberately exploited him as a very young child. he was also given absolutely no support to counteract these influences. kakashi tried to give him a speech, but it was far too little too late

sasuke coped with the loss of his clan by telling himself that being alone made him strong, and being around people made him weak-- because if he had bonds, he would have something he was afraid of losing. and to go after itachi he would have to have nothing to lose. it's not that he didn't care about his friends: it's that he cared so much that he knew they would get in the way of his goal

it's worth remembering that goal was the only reason he had survived up until that point, as he says when facing itachi at the hotel. i have a headcanon that he would have become suicidal if he hadn't fixated so hard on this goal and lived for it, and think itachi also thought this which is why he insisted on getting sasuke to hate him and have something to live for

friendships: a lot of people say sasuke doesn't care about his friends, mostly because he has tried to kill them (specifically naruto and sakura, also karin and he left the rest of taka/hebi behind). again, he does care, to a painful extent. during the fight against gaara's ichibi form, he says 'i won't let anyone else close to me die'. from their very first mission in land of waves, he's extremely protective of team 7 despite convincing himself that caring about people again will be his downfall

although he's already depressed and traumatized by the time he joins team 7, he grows fond of them very quickly and protects them with his life. he also indulges in their shenanigans even though he usually acts like he's above them... but he's just a child too after all. same with taka/hebi: sasuke is supposedly colder than ever by this point, but he helps his teammates and builds a dynamic with them despite always keeping them at arms length

yeah basically people mistake sasuke's quiet exterior and snarky comments for him not caring and use his darkest moments as proof of that. but he's just very introverted, naturally sarcastic and afraid of connecting with people due to his trauma and when he does snap it's because of how much he cares, not because he's a crazy violent murderer

morality: for the vast majority of the show, sasuke is vehemently against killing anyone and even ensures that no taka/hebi members kill either. kage summit arc sasuke is at his very lowest point: konoha had led him to kill the only family he had left after killing an entire clan and traumatizing him for life. it makes sense for him to have a breaking point

it's also worth remembering that here everyone (except naruto) had given up on him and were aiming to kill him. i'm not going to go as far as to say that sasuke fought out of self-defense, but it is clear that he was fighting not in his right mind

sasuke was right to kill danzo, who orchestrated the genocide of all of his people and allowed him to kill his brother who was also a victim of that system. he was also right to want to kill the elders who were similarly responsible. the only goal of his i don't agree with is wanting to destroy konoha which he states at final valley but i'm honestly not even sure how much his heart was in this. i think he just wanted naruto to fight him but that's a topic for another post

basically sasuke did nothing wrong umm anyways on to lighter (?) topics

personality: there's a common trend in this fandom that sasuke's quiet and tough exterior is entirely an act and that he's secretly very soft. i do agree that he's silly (dumb sense of humor similar to naruto's in a lot of ways) and obviously very caring, but i also think that he's genuinely very pragmatic, calculated, and introverted. i think that in a relationship though he would have moments of vulnerability, he still wouldn't be a desperate or submissive type. he shows affection by doing concrete things for other people and helping them even when not asked

his cold demeanor is partially a defense mechanism since he doesn't trust people after the massacre. but it's also because he doesn't place value in pleasantries or hierarchy, and (lovingly) has supbar social skills.

emotional intelligence: sasuke is more emotionally intelligent than people think he is. i think it's easy to see this from the few monologues we get from him, where he's very aware of his own emotions. i think his main issue is putting things into words and communicating his feelings, not that he doesn't understand them

bonus - sexuality: vaguely related to the last point??? but mostly silly, i think because of this emotional intelligence sasuke figured out he was gay pretty early. i mean... he never shows even feigned interest in any women, and no straight person dresses like that COME ON. i think he felt some guilt due to being the last uchiha with a duty to revive the bloodline, but that he also didn't imagine himself living long enough to have a relationship so it didn't really concern him

tldr sasuke is an extremely caring character who loves deeply and desires justice for those people. he's very mentally ill, mainly as a result of a government-sanctioned genocide against his people and being given absolutely no resources to cope with that. he's also incredibly gay. and i love him so mmuch god please put me down before i write anymore

[wifeglor]

14, 21 for maemag, 22 for gap pussy

hi hi!!! (From this list)

14. What are your favorite smut tropes?

I feel like you know them already :D But hmmmm more seriously... I think in general, I have "will think about something I initially found off-putting too hard and decide actually it is hot/fun/wtv" disease, so this would be a long and very inclusive list. I love a good power dynamic in smutfic (good in the sense of a fine vintage, not moral good), whether it's like a fun thing a sweet couple is playacting, an underlying reality for a ship, or outright dubcon/noncon. Obviously "power dynamic" can fit a billion tropes, but I love very many of those tropes for that underlying reason lmao. Also, I love when there's a lot of emotion, be it DRAMA, or angst, or hurt/comfort, or anything else. Obviously those strike different notes and it depends on the story, but like while I think it can be less "sexy" than pure porn I LOVE SO MUCH reading a good like "magical healing dick" conclusion to an arc of longing and woes. It's an orgasm of the SOUL. Or "magical healing baby spawned from magical healing dick," I am Not Immune to this (it's about the Cherishing). Also, I love those ppl on AO3 who are out there writing the most fucked up (affectionate) monsterfucking oneshots ft. worldbuilding with their original characters and original universes--doing Eru's work. ALSO I remember once upon a time being judgy about omegaverse and laugh because wow that really didn't last long on my part as soon as I opened those fics and realized there was longing inside.

21. Share a smutty headcanon about [character(s)]. (Maedhros/Maglor)

Wow who are these characters I've never heard of them before...

I feel like I need a whole essay to try to get out all my thoughts about them and it wouldn't entirely make any sense, but I think the one-headcanon version is like. Maglor longs to be claimed by Maedhros and please Maedhros and be absolved and loved and worthy & this translates well in his brain to being penetrated. Maedhros longs to feel like he can effectively take care of Maglor/make Maglor happy (something I think he has real despair and doubt about, but the resigned despair and bitterness that he can't correlates to how much he WISHES to) and also that his control issues/endless responsibility-taking are Working Actually And Perfectly Good & this translates well in his brain to penetrating Maglor (which is on unspoken offer from Maglor whenever Maglor is in the same continent and Maedhros is still breathing). Much love. I think that dynamic remains in play between them regardless of the sex act but this sure is my preference for them.

22. Share a DVD commentary on [one of your smut fic/smutty scene from a longer work]. (Mapmaking, known in my google docs folder as "gap pussy")

YEAHH okay. So this one has been lurking almost a full year (I think) as a handful of incoherent notes in my notes app, which sort of sketched out a lot of the dirty talk and action. This was very convenient for finally sitting down and writing it!! Which I had a lot of fun doing; every fic of mine for smut week has been pure self-indulgence. This fic owes a spiritual debt to Death and Taxes, an amazing russingon fic by TheLionInMyBed that was formative in my Maedhros thinking like... very early in my entry to Silm fandom stuff. I just loved Maedhros combining his politics and strategy (never turned off!) with sex and romance in such a blatant, funny, affectionate-but-instrumental way. Also, I've been making "Maglor's Gap " jokes since like. Forever, so it was bound to happen sometime.

The actual "strategy" on Maedhros' part here (aka the policies he wants Maglor to enact) is purely styrofoam porn setup and maybe doesn't really make sense, but I figured that's not what we're here for so I didn't pay it too much mind. What I did want to come through in that aspect of the story was Maedhros' affection for Maglor (kinda understated I think in this fic, but he doesn't want Maglor to die in like, say, dragonfire, and he will do all he can to prevent that. He wants Maglor to be as secure as he can, even though maintaining the siege/leaguer & his own trust & strategy mean Maglor is at great personal risk in this critical position) and Maedhros' tendency to taking leaderly responsibility (he's aware of the risk and that he's asked this of Maglor, & Himring will help out the Gap).

Also, in my head this is a spiritual sequel to my magnum opus Thine Ever, Makalaurë, despite the fact that in between these 2 Gap-era moments, Maglor by miracle of Yavanna's touch gained a pussy. This is a period I associate with a lot of hope for them and a sort of renewing of ties, testing and forging of Maglor's devotion and Maedhros' reliance on it, and Himring!Maedhros=sexiest Maedhros. I'm finding it really fun lately to write humor and dirty talk, both of which are kinda new terrain for me, so that's been delightful on my end. New terrain... ha

[5daysofygofemslash]

Prompts Explanation, Origins, and Ideas

Need help getting the ball rolling for some inspiration? Or just plain curious as to how I plucked the 2023 prompts out of the ether? Look no further than under the cut!

Warning: long and self-indulgent rambling under the cut. Nothing of too much importance haha

Mod Merry

Beach

This was a prompt from last year which made it to the semi-finals of my selections so I figured it could be used. Thank you to the Anon from last year who suggested it!

Ideas: A day out on the beach and all the fun that comes with it. Or perhaps a merperson romance AU? Do anything ships that remind you of the beach come to mind? Seasideshipping (Aoi/Kiku/Miyu) is an example that comes to mind but there's likely plenty more characters who would be totally interested in hitting the sun and sand.

Snow

Chosen to complement "beach" for those of us who may be in colder weather during the prompt fill period just before posting. So from one extreme to another.

Ideas: For ZeXal enjoyers, this prompt has Kamishiro Rio's name written all over it (and that's intentional lol). Snowbirdshipping, Snowanimalshipping, there's plenty of Rio to go around and other snowy themed girls, too, like Olga from Arc V or Asuka when she was in her Society of Light era. For some scenarios, however, think about snowballs fights or drinking some hot cocoa by the fire. Or maybe some hypothermic whump might be just what the doctor ordered. Or maybe the fairy tale Snow White is ripe for your picking.

Alternatively, if you are looking to superload your event/prompt fills quota, as is allowed with the event rules, snow is an elligible fill for the 100ships challenge (on dreamwidth) if that sounds up your alley.

Sharing a Bed

This is one of the mod's favourite tropes. Its versatile and dependable, a staple of the shipping scene and so it just had to be included.

Ideas: Do you think any of the Academia girls ever shared a bed? Or maybe someone had a nightmare and needs cuddles after. Or maybe the mutual pining is just too intense when there's only one bed left at the hotel. Smutty interpretations welcome as well.

Sharing Food

Contrasting doesn't always have to be stark! I was thinking about what else could be shared aside from personal space and food came to mind almost straight away. Food is a lovely way to show you care.

Ideas: Do you think any of the XYZ decadents had to share food to survive? Or is there a character you just knows bakes the best homemade biscuits/cookies and could use that as a conduit to express a confession of a crush/love?

Routine

Ideas: Tell me about your ship's domesticity. Who struggles to get out of bed first thing in the morning? What do they eat for breakfast? Who reads the newspaper first? Or maybe routine more like a dance routine, a comedy routine, or something else entirely. Like does someone care wayyyyy too much about their hair care routine and gets into early relationship post-honeymoon phase scuffles about it, perhaps?

Unexpected

What happens when there's a sudden change to the dull, rote, and, well, routine? The unexpected of course. This was an obvious contrast in my mind that can hopefully provide some rising tension for your stories.

Ideas: A sudden death in the family. Elopement decided on the outcome of a card game. There are many ways to take the routine and break it (maybe even breaking a leg or two in the process). Did the proposal come as a surprise? Or maybe this could be a good day to break out some really eclectic, never met before, crossover pairings. Show me something very unexpected in character/ship chemistry hahaha

Sparkle & Shine

A prompt leftover from last year was - Glitter - and it made it very close to the final selections but I chose different prompts in lieu so again, it just felt right to at least use it as inspiration. Also because I misremembered the submission as Sparkle before double checking to see it was Glitter. My apologies Anon but you are here in spirit. I personally thought "Sparkle & Shine" rolled off the tongue better than Glitter alone and wanted some multi-word prompts to spice things up as well. And so Sparkle & Shine was ultimately selected.

Ideas: Sparkleshipping(Kisara/Mana)!! The prompt is practically named for them though I felt it was applicable to a few other ships, too. Alternatively, Glittershipping (Anzu/Kisara) given that "Glitter" was the original inspiration for this prompt. Give those girls some love if you are a DM enjoyer especially, I say. Or maybe a magical girl AU? Or maybe you want to delve into some meta behind why Lustershipping was chosen for Masumi/Yuzu. Or talk about the way Character A admires Character B's prowess in everything she does.

Murky & Unclear

Selected to complement Sparkle & Shine. Again, I chose it because I wanted a multi-word prompt to pair with its contrasting Day 4 prompt and

Could be a tricky prompt so good luck to anyone drawn to it but some ideas I had in mind included angsty tragedy fic or witchy AU's.

Before the Beginning

Basically a fancy way of saying "Pre-Canon". Was selected in mind with trying to parallel the original 2022 prompt set's ending prompts without just being a free-for-all free day in name.

Ideas: Are you absolutely convinced that even though these two female characters who have never met are exes with a viscious past? Yeah, me too. My personal ones are Ema/Queen, Asuka/Grace, Asuka/Gloria, and Himika/Yoko but maybe you have an entirely different relationship derailment in mind. Or maybe you want to explore how two girls who are friends in canon met and became friends (with a little inkling that maybe this friendship could become romance tinged with enough time)

After the End

And what pairs best with pre-canon? Why Post-Canon of course!

Ideas: Are there any loose ends that bother you? Here could be the perfect time and place to tie them up. Do you think the Bracelet Girls ever split from Yuzu again? What about Aqua returning to Aoi and/or Miyu? Or maybe you just think Characters A and B ride off into the sunset and get married ten or twenty or however many years down the line after the final credits rolled.

[xiaomoxu]

Lucien - Mystical Date

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

����  Also from this date: Moment - 1st Call - 2nd Call

This date is from The Heat and Sounds of the Grand Banquet Collection.

Story under the cut--

Legend has it that in a remote and dense jungle, there was a mysterious young man.

Wherever he goes,

Stone can flow out gold,

The flame can ignite out of thin air,

The spring water can drip colorful colors.

The story starts from that hot season...

--

It hasn't had a single drop of rain for two full months, and the air is full of unbearable heat.

Now is the time for the cavalry to change guards, and logically speaking, it is also the time when the tribal defense is the weakest.

I hid behind the wall and glanced from a distance. As expected, there was only one person on duty at the tribe’s outpost.

I crawled into the stable, jumped and patted the horse, then ran off on top of it.

The dry and hot wind whizzed past my ears, and there was only one firm belief in my heart--

I must escape successfully!

Just as I was approaching the guard post, the cavalry on duty probably heard the sound of horse hooves and reacted vigilantly.

Guard: Who are you?!

MC: ...This is bad.

Before I could think about it, I picked up the rein and pulled the horse hard to speed up the escape.

As long as I cross the river outside the post and into the woods, I will be able to completely leave the border of the tribe.

Guard: Someone is running away, come on!

I galloped through the river, and got into the woods as soon as I jumped.

I don't know how long I ran, but my ears were left with the rustle of wind blowing over the leaves and the faint sound of water.

It's safe for now.

I breathed a sigh of relief, but did not slow down the speed, and my heart still restless.

A few hours ago, I overheard the conversation between the wizard and the chief, and was shocked to learn that the wizard wanted to sacrifice me in three days!

-Flashback-

Wizard: Chief, if you want to save the entire tribe, you must sacrifice her!

Chief: This...no, I can't agree with this matter!

Wizard: You have figured it out clearly, this is a problem for the entire tribe.

Wizard: She was originally an ominous orphan, and as she grew up, her thought became more and more curious.

Wizard: She was just looking through some useless books. When I was ordered by the gods to carry out my will, she dared to question it.

Wizard: Now, the god has been angered by her behavior, and the two-month drought is the punishment.

Wizard: Sacrificing her to pray for rain, that was the only way to calm the anger of the gods!

Chief: In any case, she is a member of the tribe, my people...I don't agree to sacrifice her!

Originally, I was only quietly borrowing the street lamp outside the chief's palace to read the collection of theological poems, but I was shocked to hear it.

It is obvious that staying in the tribe is no longer safe. In a hurry, I only thought of a way to protect myself-escape!

-Flashback end-

In order to escape as far as possible, I drove all night in the woods.

The sky was already bright, and I looked at the forks in front of me and couldn't make up my mind. I planned to dismount and check it out first.

I turned into a path and didn't know how long I walked. The dense woods in front of me seemed almost the same as before, and I still couldn't tell the direction.

Thinking that I was lost, I was so nervous that I walked a few steps faster, but I missed my steps and I rolled down a steep slope.

MC: !

The feeling of turning around the world gradually faded. I struggled to get up, and was surprised to find that there was a valley in front of me, and there seemed to be a large lush garden not far away.

Ignoring the pain on my body, I walked in carefully, hoping that there would be a place for me to rest for a while.

But the more I walked in, I found that so many colorful flowers and trees, there are still many buildings and a clear breath of life in the garden.

I was wondering if there were people living here, a calm and cozy figure suddenly broke into my sight behind the flowers.

It was a strange young man.

He was wearing a luxurious light-colored satin gown, and his exposed arm rings had complicated and beautiful patterns.

At this moment, he picked up a chess piece and rubbed it lightly.

Hearing my footsteps, the man raised his head. At first glance, I hesitated for a moment.

??: Who are you and how did you come here?

MC: I was lost in the woods and passing by accidentally.

??: Oh?

The man curled his mouth slightly, and an imperceptible meaning passed through the end of his narrow eyes.

??: Not many people can find this place.

The man didn't seem to believe it, so I explained.

MC: After I rolled down the steep slope over there, I walked straight ahead... and I got here.

The man looked at me up and down, and whispered as if talking to himself.

??: It turned out to be like this...

Although there was a slight smile on the corner of the man's mouth, his tone was always indifferent.

I thought for a while, but I swallowed the idea that I wanted to rest here for a while, and saluted him.

MC: Sorry to disturb you, I will leave now.

??: You're hurt

The man spoke slowly and pointed at my arm.

??: If necessary, I can provide simple medical care.

I lowered my head, and saw many scars on my arm by branches and gravel, and the dull pain came up with it.

The man quickly fetched the medicine kit. After all, in a completely unfamiliar environment, I was a little uncomfortable, holding the potion and use it to heal my wounds.

After treating the wound, I saw the chessboard on the ground on my side, and my eyes lit up suddenly.

The familiar glass pawns and small twelve grids are exactly what I am best at playing chess.

The man is holding the glass chess piece in one hand, seeming to observe the chess surface.

MC: Are you playing chess?

??: Not long after I started learning, I was still studying according to the chess book.

I nodded thoughtfully and couldn't help but speak proudly.

MC: I like playing chess very much, and I used to learn from the wisest old man in the tribe for a long time.

MC: In our tribe, almost no one can beat me.

Hearing what I said, the man paused with his finger holding the chess piece.

He leaned over and raised his eyebrows slightly unexpectedly.

After pondering for a moment, he put the chessboard in front of me with a casual smile on his face.

??: So now this game...

??: In your opinion, what is the correct next step?

Following the man's gestures, I subconsciously observed it carefully and began to analyze the situation in front of me.

MC: Is the next step to take the pawn at my hand?

??: Hmm.

I quickly counted the pawns in the current chess hole, and my eyes brightened quickly.

I took out the first chess piece on the left hand side and "planted" one by one into the row of holes on the right.

MC: One, two, three, four, five, just right!

The man looked at the chess hole I was pointing, and turned slightly.

MC: Although this chess hole is very suitable for abandonment, the number of chess pieces at the moment is very good.

MC: The place where the last chess piece falls will happen to be the big hole on the right, then according to the rulesㅡ

??: According to the rules, the pawns in the hole of the other side should also belong to this side.

The man took my word almost at the same time.

MC: That's right!

??: This game really became more interesting.

The corners of the man's lips curled up slightly, an arc flashing in his eyes.

Lucien: If you are not in a hurry, are you willing to play a game with me?

I subconsciously wanted to agree, but when I thought about my current situation, I hesitated again.

MC: I....

I opened my mouth and didn't know how to explain it for a while. The man saw my hesitation, did not persuade me too much, just smiled faintly.

Lucien: I think it should be far better than reading a chess book by myself.

His tone was sincere, and my wagging mood tilted towards a certain choice.

I accidentally fell to the sides of the empty garden. An idea suddenly popped up in my head. I took a deep breath and saidㅡ

MC: I promised to play against you, but...

MC: I want to add some "weight" to this competition.

The man leaned forward slightly.

??: Tell me the detail?

MC: If you win, you can make a request to me, as long as I can do it. But if I win..

After a second pause, I said in a hurry.

MC: Can you let me stay for a few days?

Thinking that the wizard might still be arresting me, it is better to find a "backer" to hide first, instead of running around alone.

This hidden garden and this mysterious man may be a viable choice.

The sudden request really made him wide open his eyes in surprise.

I pursed my lips and said after a few seconds.

MC: Our tribe is suffering from a drought, and I really have nowhere to go, so I ran out to save my life.

Although the most real reason is hidden, what I said is not entirely a lie.

MC: So, do you agree to add this "weight"?

I watched him nervously.

The man looked at me deeply, and after a moment of indulgence, he chuckled softly.

??: It is indeed a heavy weight.

??: Okay, I promise.

??: However, let me test your chess skills first.

The man put the chess pieces back, I took a deep breath and smiled politely.

MC: Since it is a competition, how can one not know the name of the opponent.

MC: My name is MC, how about you?

The midday sun fell on him, and the man smiled slightly and looked at me sideways.

??: Lucien.

--

In a blink of an eye, I have been staying at Lucien's house for several days.

I borrowed a few chess books from Lucien. I haven't been anywhere these days. I stayed in the guest room and looked through.

In the match a few days ago, I only narrowly won by the difference two points.

Lucien learned so well not long after his self-study. His chess books must be very useful.

MC: Lucien, I have read these books, is there anything else?

Lucien: Yes, in the library.

MC: Library? Can I come with you to have a look?

Just when I thought I was going to be rejected, Lucien nodded lightly, a vague stream of light flashed across his eyes.

Unexpectedly, there are several library rooms in this garden palace, but the books in itㅡ

MC: "Elemental Crystal", "The Secret of Metal", "How to Make a Panacea".

MC: What are these all about, why have I never heard of it?

I looked at Lucien, who was standing quietly by the side, with some suspicions in my heart.

MC: Lucien, What the hell do you do?

MC: Wizard? Magician? Or...

Lucien looked at me without evasiveness, and spoke slowly after a while.

Lucien: To be precise, I am a hermit who knows a little about alchemy.

I was about to ask more clearly, but he suddenly raised his arm, his expression still faint.

Lucien: If you are interested, you can read these books at your will.

Lucien left after leaving saying that. I thought he was in trouble, I didn't care too much, and curiously took out two books.

After flipping through a few pages quickly, I found that the content in it was in a category that I had never heard of.

MC: After adding these powders, the flame can change various colors?

MC: It can be done with salt...?!

Holding these books that I have never heard before, the door to a new world seems to be slowly opening before my eyes.

I was fascinated by it, and I didn't feel the passage of time at all, until there was a slight sound of footsteps by the door.

Lucien: You... still here?

I looked up in a daze, only to realize that it was pitch black outside the window.

Thinking he was asking me why I stayed in the library, I smiled at him awkwardly.

MC: It seems that I have been staying for a long time...

Lucien approached calmly, his eyes swept over the pile of books beside me.

Lucien: It seems that you have already read a lot.

Lucien: Are there any gains?

MC: There are many gains, but there are more doubts.

I raised the horoscope book in my hand.

MC: I once saw a book that said that the destiny of human beings and the prosperity and decline of the country's luck are all determined by astrology.

MC: The wizard of our tribe always said that he can predict misfortune and happiness through the position of the stars.

MC: But I always feel that if fate is destined, does that individual's efforts have any meaning?

MC: Everyone’s destiny should only belong to them.

MC: As for the other messy claims, they may be just excuses made by people.

After saying all these things, I realized that Lucien had walked to me at some point.

He glanced at me deeply, and a strange emotion flowed through his deep eyes.

Lucien: I think most people cannot accept this statement.

Just when I thought Lucien was going to refute me, his voice was warmer and softer than before.

Lucien: However, I agree.

MC: ....Realy?

All the time, wizards have always said that my ideas are "outlandish and outrageous."

Unexpectedly, I would meet someone who has such a similar thought to me, so I blurted out subconsciously.

MC: If it weren't for my thinking is not the same as most people, it wouldn't beー

Finding my carelessness, I hurriedly bit my tongue. But Lucien had obviously heard it, and he asked with interest.

Lucien: different ideas mean?

I hesitated for a moment.

MC: Actually, is nothing.

MC: I just feel that some things may have nothing to do with the gods at all, but they should be.

The soft light shone on Lucien's side face, watching him listen intently. I don't know why, I suddenly have a desire to talk.

MC: It's just... If it doesn't rain for a month, maybe it's just the natural phenomenon described in that book, not the anger of the gods.

Lucien: Anger of Gods?

MC: ...I once heard that a tribe did not rain for several months. The wizard said that it was because a young girl angered the gods.

MC: He even proposed the vicious idea of sacrificing the young girls to pray for rain...maybe it's selfishness at all!

I finished speaking in a low voice.

Lucien was stunned for two seconds, looking thoughtful.

But soon, he smiled slightly, with a little light and shadow in his eyes.

Lucien: In this world, there may really be gods.

Lucien: But in my opinion, it is better to put hope in your own hands than to believe in the ethereal gods.

Lucien: It's just that I'm surprised that you can think so too.

Lucien looked at me, his lips curled in a nice arc.

Lucien: Before I brought you to the library, I was worried that you would think these books offended the gods.

Lucien: Now it seems that my worries are nothings.

Through Lucien's dark pupils, I can clearly see my figure. There seemed to be ripples in his eyes, and a warm smile appeared.

My cheeks were slightly hot, and I subconsciously looked away from his eyes.

My eyes fell on the closed "Elemental Crystal", and I suddenly remembered something.

MC: Lucien, just said in the book that there are many beautiful crystals.

I tilted my head and asked curiously.

MC: What is crystal, and what does it look like?

Lucien thought for a moment, then stretched out his hand to me.

If you want to know, you might as well take a look at the real "little trick".

Lucien took me to the deepest part of the garden palace. This wide room was filled with various utensils that I didn't understand well, and I looked around curiously.

Lucien held out an iron box in the corner, and saw a row of small cardboard trees staggered in it.

Lucien: Coincidentally, I just finished some preparations.

Lucien: Now, the most critical step will need your help.

MC: What is this?

Lucien: To reveal the answer too quickly, you will lose a lot of fun, you might as well look forward to it.

Lucien deliberately said it, revealing a mysterious expression.

He adjusted it in the glass for a while, and soon a cup of slightly turbid water appeared in front of me.

Lucien: Are you interested in trying it yourself?

Although I still don't quite understand what this is, it doesn't affect my eagerness to try.

MC: Ok, what should I do?

MC: Pour this cup of "water" on the paper tree.

Lucien: When you wake up tomorrow, you will have a pleasant surprise.

--

The next day, as soon as the sun was up, I got up and couldn’t wait to push the door open.

On the bare paper tree last night, every branch is now full of crystal-clear "flowers", which are becoming more white and clear under the shining of the sun.

I sing happily to the garden holding the iron box, Lucien was reading at the stone table in the open air.

Put the blooming paper tree among the flowers, I tugged his sleeve gently.

MC: Lucien, let the paper tree blossom, is this the surprise you said?

MC: But how exactly is this done?

He smiled slightly.

Lucien: The answer lies in the glass of "water" you poured down yesterday.

Lucien: Because the matter in the "water" reacted with the substances on the paper tree, these flower-like crystals were precipitated.

Lucien: It's just such a simple "trick".

He explained concisely. I don't know if it's because this is what he likes. Lucien's expression in front of me is a bit vivid.

The bright sunshine fell on his hair, which looked exceptionally soft, and a circle of dark shadows fell in his eyes.

Looking at Lucien, whose smile in the sun was even better than the flowers in the garden, my breath suddenly suffocated inexplicably.

There seemed to be a feather that suddenly flicked from the tip of my heart.

Lucien noticed my pause.

Lucien: What's wrong?

I hurriedly looked away, but the sensation in my heart did not calm down for a long time.

MC: ....Nothing, I just think you know a lot.

MC: You can learn to play chess by reading a book by yourself, knowing a lot of knowledge that other people don't know, and this kind of magic trick.

Hearing my analogy, the arc of his smile became even wider.

Lucien: In your eyes, I must be really great.

In the fragrant garden, Lucien smiled gently, and his narrow eyes were filled with diamonds from the sunlight.

MC: Lucien, I really like the "gate to the new world" you opened for me. It feels novel and mysterious.

MC: Why don't you teach me too?

MC: Like you said, the masters are more intentional when they moving forward.

MC: Maybe I can catch up with you soon, and then we can learn and explore more things together.

--

Unconsciously, more than half a month passed so happily and comfortably.

In these days, I have hardly seen other people, and the cavalry of the tribe has never appeared. I gradually feel relieved.

Early this morning, I came to the river to fetch water briskly.

Suddenly, a chaotic sound of horseshoes came from behind unexpectedly!

I was caught off guard and quickly kicked to the ground by a horse's hoof: it was the cavalry sent by the wizard.

I was trying to run out of the enclosure when I was struggling, and suddenly there was a sharp pain in the back of my head.

It went dark, and I fainted.

What I didn't know was that when the cavalry took me away, behind the dense woods, a long robe was blown away by the wind.

When I woke up, I found that I had been taken to a crowded street.

I looked around but did not see the guards, only the dark and gloomy voice of the wizard.

Wizard: It is because of her, this young girl who angered the gods, that caused the drought in the last two months!

Wizard: I will hold a rain prayer ceremony soon and sacrifice her to the gods.

There was a noise in the crowd, and I stared at the wizard unwillingly and resentfully.

Just when I was about to refute him loudly, an old but powerful "stop" sounded first: It was the chief who came.

My eyes slid past the chief, and widened in disbelief - it was Lucien who came with the chief!

MC: ....!

How could it be Lucien?

After the huge shock passed, the faint expectation could not be restrained rising from my chest, and I stared at Lucien intently.

Aware of my surprise and expectation, Lucien slowly blinked his eyes twice.

Chief: You are so courageous that you plan to perform a sacrifice in private!

The wizard was about to argue, the chief had already spoken to the people involuntarily.

Chief: The hermit next to me has a lot of fate with our tribe.

Chief: I was fortunate enough to get acquainted with him many years ago. He gave us the "God Water" that made the crops grow more prosperous.

Chief: In addition, he has the ability to turn stones into gold, and he is an expert who rarely shows up.

Chief: Now, he rushed over overnight after hearing the drought, and he will definitely find a solution.

Looking at the unhurried figure in front of me, my heart was pounding violently.

Lucien: To pray for rain, there is no need for a girl's sacrifice.

Lucien: I have other ways.

Lucien's words caused an uproar in the surroundings.

The wizard asked sharply.

Wizard: What if your method doesn't work? Wouldn't it be useless?

Lucien took a step forward, staring straight at the wizard with a cold look in his eyes.

Lucien: Did Mr. Wizard has the guts to gamble with me?

Lucien: See whether my method is feasible or your hypothesis is valid.

Lucien: Before that, I ask you to wait for a while.

Lucien's voice was not loud, but with firmness that could not be rejected and rebutted.

The wizard was obviously stunned, his eyes widened in a daze and no longer spoke.

Chief: When do you plan to start the ceremony?

Lucien: I need one night to prepare. In addition, I need a helper.

In the next second, Lucien raised his arm and pointed at me lightly.

Lucien: She is the most suitable.

On the dry and sultry night, Lucien sat on the ground under an empty starry sky.

He was holding a few precision instruments in his hand, as well as something that looked like a slender stick.

With the help of these instruments, he carefully observed the astrology and recorded what he was calculating.

I also sat down on the ground next to him, quietly not disturbing him.

It didn't take long for Lucien to stack up the calculation paper in his hand with confidence, smiled and opened his mouth first.

Lucien: Suddenly so quiet, what are you thinking about?

MC: Thinking about what you just wrote.

I pointed to the calculation paper in his hand.

MC: It feels like you have been observing the stars. Could it be that there is a connection between astrology and rain?

Lucien looked up at the dark sky and smiled approvingly.

Lucien: You guessed it right.

Lucien: Remember the astrology we talked about before?

Lucien: The astronomical phenomenon has its own laws. Perhaps it cannot determine the fate of people, but at least it can survey the sunny and cloudy weather.

Lucien: As long as you follow and make good use of these natural laws, it is not a different kind of "pray for rain."

MC: So, have you surveyed the rainy day?

Lucien: If the calculation is not wrong, it will rain tomorrow.

MC: Really?

MC: Do you need my help, such as letting you calculate more carefully?

Seeing me with a slight excitement, Lucien gave a low smile, his eyes seemed to be brighter than the moonlight under the vast starry sky.

Lucien: Stop thinking about it.

Lucien: The reason why I need you to be a helper is just a stopgap measure.

Lucien: The matter of surveying astrology, just leave it to me with confidence.

He stared at me steadily, and the trace of worry and anxiety that I had left was finally completely healed under such a gentle gaze.

Suddenly thinking of something, I stared awkwardly at my toes.

MC: Speaking of which, I actually owe you an apology.

MC: In fact, I would stray into your home, not to come out to ask for a living, but to avoid being arrested by the wizard.

MC: I didn't tell you the truth back then, sorry.

The air was silent for a few seconds, and a faint chuckle fell into my ears.

I raised my head to meet Lucien's deep eyes. From the corner of his mouth that was smiling, I realized something in hindsight.

MC: ...You know it long ago, don't you?

Lucien: It's not very early either.

Lucien exchanged his cross-legged posture, and faded away.

Lucien: In fact, at the beginning, I just guessed that things were not as simple as you said.

Lucien: But after seeing the cavalry yesterday, I realized that it turned out to be a little more complicated than I thought.

Lucien: So, I followed here.

MC: That’s... you came to help me specifically?

Lucien smiled and said nothing.

There was a sudden flow of heat in my chest. I quietly kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to see my hot cheeks.

The next evening. 

In order to reassure the chief and all the villagers, Lucien sat with his eyes closed in the middle of the crowd, still doing a "ritual" appearance.

As expected by Lucien, it didn't take long for the dark sky to suddenly roll up a lot of dark clouds.

Dense dark clouds enveloped the entire sky, and with the black gloom, the big raindrops suddenly fell.

The long-lost rain has moistened every corner of the dry land.

Crowd: It's raining! It's really raining!

Crowd: Thanks to the gods, this year's crops are finally saved!

A burst of excitement and ecstasy erupted from the crowd, and heartfelt joy also poured into my heart: Lucien completed the promise he made before, and I was finally safe.

The chief entertained Lucien with the highest standard dinner party of the tribe.

Not only that, the chief told me that the wizard had left the tribe in a desperate manner, and he promised that nothing similar would happen in the future.

After the dinner was over, the night was getting thicker, and the rain was still ticking.

Lucien walked beside me, his pace was not hurried, which made me feel more at ease.

I took a deep breath and looked at him with bright eyes.

MC: Lucien, I want to solemnly thank you.

MC: Thank you for taking me in at the time, and now you have saved my life from the wizard.

In the crowd, Lucien stared at me carefully, his narrow eyes filled with a gentle smile like a moon.

In the damp air, the faint sandalwood on his body lingered in my nose.

Suddenly, he leaned closer to me.

Lucien: If you really want to express gratitude, then come back with me.

MC: ...!

In this distance, his smile came into my eyes very clearly.

The feathers that once brushed my heart seemed to be blown back, making my heart pounding involuntarily.

An inexplicable emotion slowly filled my heart, and I couldn't help but raise my face to confirm to him.

MC: Why?

Lucien tilted his head, as if teasing me deliberately, with a hint of teasing in his soft tone.

Lucien: I thought we were already friends.

Lucien: Is there any problem in inviting a friend to be a guest at home?

MC: ....To show you gratitude, I went to your house as a guest? What a strange idea.

I couldn't help but muttered.

Notice Lucien's intent gaze and gentle smile, I suddenly thought of something and blinked slyly.

MC: Lucien, in fact, you can't let me go, right?

Lucien: Maybe it is.

Unexpectedly, he didn't evade at all, and nodded to me calmly.

Lucien: I used to think that living alone without being disturbed is the most comfortable way of life.

Lucien: Until I met you.

Lucien: It turns out that the world you explore with me is the most interesting.

Lucien: So now...

In the silent night, he leaned slightly, his eyes lingering on my face intently.

Lucien: Would you like to go back with me?

In the damp night breeze, I nodded gently.

---

Notes from me: I VERY VERY LOVE THIS DATE! THANK YOU PG FOR WRITING THIS BEAUTIFULLY >< IT’S A ‘HAPPY ENDING’ FOR US!!

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[kirinda-ondo]

⚡️ ANEAS!!!

Aneas From Universe 5, my beloved little plant boy.....

1. Aneas in his original concept was much different than he ended up. He was originally going to be a female OC for self-indulgent shipping purposes, and had a much different personality; somebody who was a bit hyper and loved to cook, but in Paula Dean fashion, put way too much butter in everything lmao. The only thing that stayed in tact really was the overall design and the fact that he's a hopeless romantic (and if anything that part got turned up to 11 lmao). Somehow, over the course of the development process, he ended up becoming Bragi and Tomor's mutual childhood friend instead, and also a little nonbinary dude, even if he's since settled on using he/him pronouns.

2. Aneas was named after Aeneas, a Trojan hero in Greek mythology. The reason his name is spelled differently is actually because I accidentally typoed it the first time and just never ended up fixing it because I liked the way it looked lmao. I did however, pic this name for some vague thematic reasons. The Trojan Aeneas is the son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, which I felt really matched my Aneas' hopelessly romantic nature. He was also named that to reflect the fact that he's far more noble than his sad, anxious disposition (as well as the testimony of a certain very salty green boy at the time) might make you believe.

3. When I created him, he was never really meant to be super important to then-current plot events, but when my friend's OC got shipped to his little planet for parole, Aneas ended up becoming super important and not only married this literal war criminal, he managed to jumpstart like 3 different redemption arcs just by virtue of existing as a nice soft boy. Something something Aneas wins by doing nothing. Dynamic wise, he and his wife are very much the Connecticut Clark and Malfina of Universe 5 lmao. That said, he's usually not even a little confrontational, but if you even look at his wife funny (even if it's an understandable reaction to like, the war crimes) he's going to very strongly consider violence--

4. He loves plants. He has so many fucking plants. He's pretty much been working on filling his whole little planet to the brim with plants. Gardening was something he took up because he had way too much free time on his hands and was slowly kind of going insane from being alone, but through trial and error, he found he was actually pretty good at it, and it's one of the few things he's actually confident in his ability to do. He's got names, personalities, and backstories for all his plants, and if you ask him about even one of them, you're going to learn their entire lineage, their best friends, and everything. They also tend to serve as his silent therapists as he talks to them a lot about his problems (of which he has many). His favorite is a potted plant named Maurice, but his wife grew one of her own using one of Maurice's seeds that he helped name Eugene, and that is their son. Eugene is literally also just a potted plant and not even a little sentient, but that is still his child lmao.

5. He is hilariously shorter than like, almost everyone he knows. Despite being like twice the equivalent age, he's the height of the average 7 year old. When he was younger, he was actually the tallest in his friend group, but after a certain point pretty early on, he just... stopped growing while everyone else kept getting taller. The little house he lives in is very much designed to be Aneas sized rather than like, average person sized, and I don't know how his very tall wife copes lmao. He has a bit of a complex about it because he feels like it makes people take him less seriously or worse, mistake him for a child (like guys please don't pick him up I know he is the perfect size for picking up but please it makes him sad and grumpy) and wants nothing more than to be taller. However, it has been decided that it's illegal for him to be taller, let alone as tall as he'd like to be lmao.

[princip1914]

A few thoughts on writing longfic

I’ve had this post brewing for a while and I figured since today is a Friday I might as well let it out into the wild. 

First off, this is not writing advice. I don’t feel qualified to give writing advice. This is a few observations I’ve made over the course of trying to write something that feels, well, long. Fandom is full of excellent authors writing long chaptered fic, but I don’t see a lot of people talking about how they go about producing such fics. I remember feeling like long fic was really out of reach for me when I started writing again in the summer of 2019 after not writing for years and years and I wanted to talk a bit about how that changed for me. Of course, this post comes with all the caveats that there is no need to ever write long fic if you’re not feeling it. Some of my favorite authors write mostly or only oneshots! But, if you are interested, here’s my lengthy, self indulgent, and entirely personal take on ~the longfic process~ below the cut. 

First, to get this out of the way: long fic is anything that feels long or complicated to you, the author. “I’m working on my long fic” can mean that you’re branching out from microfiction to write something that’s 2k long, or it can mean you’ve got a multi-part 800k epic. There’s no objective measure of if something is “long fic,” Your own personal definitions can also change as you grow in confidence or change your focus as a writer (a little over a year ago when I finished Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire topping out at 31k, that felt very very long to me. Now it feels….still long, but not very very long.) 

Here are a few specific things that helped me write something long. I don’t know if they will be interesting for anyone else, but at the very least writing these down has been a fun way for me to reflect on my own process. 

Practice exercises. Ok, this is going to sound exceedingly obvious, but writing one shots prepares you for writing chaptered fic. Here’s what I mean more specifically: if you know you want to write (as a totally hypothetical example) a chaptered fic set in America in the summer that relies heavily on a nature metaphors, is written out of chronological order, and features a melancholy tone--it helps to write a few one shots like that before you embark on the Big Fic. Just like artists tend to do sketches before starting a big piece, it’s very helpful to write something small that gives you a feel for the ~vibe~ of what you’re trying to do in the long fic. It’s helpful for all the usual reasons--you get to know a specific version of the characters which helps plan out a character driven plot for the long fic--but it’s also helpful because you will learn if the tone and mood of the fic has enough staying power to capture your interest for the long haul. For instance, I have a few unfinished chaptered fics that have a humorous tone. I wish I had done more short humorous fics before starting them, because I would have realized that I don’t currently have the mental stamina to hold up a humorous tone for the length of a chaptered fic (hopefully that will change and I will finish Last Days some time this century!). 

Plan it out ahead of time. I used google sheets for The False and the Fair. I do not think God intended google sheets to be used for fiction, but that was not going to stop me. On a more serious note, I think the best tool for planning fiction is the one you’re the most comfortable with--the notes app in your phone, handwriting, word, google drive, sheets, chalk board, summoning circle, the blood of your enemies, etc. The reason I chose to use sheets is that I knew from the very beginning that I wanted certain things to happen at specific places in the story--for instance, I wanted the first kiss to happen at the end of the first third of the story and I wanted the “reveal” about the mine accident to happen at the end of the second third of the story. But, I didn’t know what was supposed to go in between those elements. A traditional outline for a story at this point in development might have looked like: 

Meet cute

Kiss

Reveal 

Ending 

But, what my brain needed was to preserve the blank spaces in between these story elements, and specifically to preserve the right amount of blank space between these story elements so that it didn’t end up, for instance, that the first kiss was halfway through rather than a third of the way through. In this way, I found google sheets an invaluable tool for pacing in the early parts of the planning process. I simply made 30 rows assuming 30 chapters, and started plugging in the elements I knew I wanted in the locations I wanted them. Then I filled in the blank spaces by asking myself “how do we get from X plot element to Y plot element in Z amount of chapters.” I’m not a mountain climber, but I’ve often thought about the first things that go into the spreadsheet in terms of mountain climbing terminology.  In climbing, a crux move, which can be anywhere along the route, is the most difficult move of the route: if you can’t do it, you can’t do the route. I think of the first things that go into the planning spreadsheet as the crux moves of the story, the most important pieces around which everything else turns. It was not an accident that those were also all the first scenes of the fic that I wrote; if I couldn’t do those scenes, I couldn’t do the story the way I planned it so I wanted to know early on if I needed to make changes.

Make changes if you have to: even though it helps to have things planned in advance, don’t resist the story if it tries to change on you while you’re writing it. Usually the feeling that you have to make changes stems from having a plot that is not entirely character driven. As you write the story, the characters reveal themselves and sometimes the plot has to change to change with the characters’ motivations. Here’s an area where fanfic writers have a leg up on everyone else: if you write fic, you already know the characters really well. That means, (in my experience anyway) it’s less likely that you’ll have a surprise character development which leads to a rethinking of the whole plot. Less likely, but not completely unlikely, unfortunately.

Lie to yourself: The False and the Fair was supposed to be 90k words. I thought that sounded reasonable, a little less than 3x the longest fic I had ever written. Now it's 161k and will probably top out a little over 170k. Ooops. But I never would have set out to write something that long. I wouldn’t have thought I could do it, even though anyone more experienced looking at my plans for the fic probably would have laughed at the idea I could cover all those plot points in 90k. Ignorance is bliss. Protect your ignorance.

Scrivener: Long fic for me means “fic that is long enough you can’t hold all the parts of it in your head at once.” That’s where Scrivener comes in (or another app if you’d rather, but I really like Scrivener for the ability to see the project either linearly or as condensed notecards). You can put together an organizational scaffold in Scrivener that allows you to move back and forth between the forest and the trees. So, for instance, you might be going for a jog and come up with the perfect line of dialogue for chapter 27 when you’re only up to chapter 5 in terms of writing progress. With Scrivener, you can go home, and put that dialogue in the “bucket”/index card/whatever for chapter 27 without compromising your ability to see chapter 5 clearly or muddying up your google doc. You can then use the fact that you’ve started writing bits and pieces of the later chapters in conjunction with the tool of lying to yourself that, actually, you’ve written a lot more of the fic than you realize and that when you get to chapter 27 it won’t be as hard as chapter 5 because you’ve put in the groundwork already. In my experience, this lie turns out to be true about 50% of the time, which is better than 0% of the time.

Digestible mini arcs: The False and the Fair was originally broken up into thirds. I thought it would be 90k and 30k was the longest I had written, so thirds seemed to make sense. Also, 3 is a nice, time honored storytelling number. I think it’s good to give yourself seemingly achievable milestones along the way to completion. These milestones (for me anyway) lined up well with the “crux moments” I’ve described. If you’re someone who likes to write out of order, writing your way to an already written milestone can feel like sailing to an island where you get to rest for a bit from the stormy seas before setting out for the next island in the archipelago.

“It's all part of the process”: I’m categorically incapable of describing things without resorting to running metaphors, and so I apologize in advance, but I am now going to do the insufferable thing of comparing writing a long fic to running a marathon. Here’s the thing with a marathon. You are not going to feel good every step of the way. We all know this. It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt a little bit, especially at the end. In the same way you literally cannot write something novel length or even novella or long short story length without, at least at some point, feeling bad about yourself and your writing. But you also can’t run a marathon if the whole thing is agony, and for most people, it’s not--your meat sack shuffling along the course is subjected to the slings and arrows of all sorts of weird body chemistry that only happens when you push it to its limits. So, you’ll be in agony and then the endorphins will kick in for a while and you’ll be thinking “this isn’t nearly as bad as everyone said,” and then you’ll drink some water at a rest stop and feel like a God for half a mile before you crash and you’re in agony again until that one perfect song comes up on the playlist...and you get the idea. Writing something long, for me at least, is a bit like that. There are massive ups and downs. The key for me is to just understand it’s all part of the process, a necessary step on the way to the finish line. If the fic is 10 chapters long, at some point you have to write chapter 5. Just like you have to write chapter 5, at some point you also have to go through a bit of despair before reaching the end. It is unfortunately non-optional. In fact, despairing is something you can check off your list each time you’ve done it. Cut dialogue tags, check. Feel awful about my writing for thirty minutes, check. Write ending section, check. Often I feel that the stress and shame and fear that come with bad emotions while writing are worse than the bad emotions themselves. It really helps me to remember these emotions are all part of the process and nothing to worry about. If I didn’t have them, then I would worry! 

I certainly have plenty more to say about writing, but this ramble has gone on long enough. If you’re interested in any of this stuff, please feel free to send me an ask. 

I would also love to know more about everyone else’s writing processes, so feel free to pop into my ask box to talk about your own approach too! I am very interested in this stuff! 

[kacchanrawr]

Things I want to see in the future of MHA

(not just post-war stuff, but also the entire series. Some of these are kinda self-indulgent)

1. Endeavor and Hawks’ judgment

I honestly don’t know if I want to see them punished or pardoned. I’m interested in both of those so I’ll just trust Horikoshi on that one. But anyways, there’s no way they aren’t getting shit for this.

2. Whatever the ‘fake heroes’ are gonna do after this

Going back to Stain’s ideology about fake heroes. I agree with parts of it, there are a lot of people that become heroes without the conviction. They get into it by treating it the same way as any other office job, not as a mission to be well, heroes. But I don’t agree that they should be killed or eliminated. Being a hero for money isn’t inherently a bad thing, it’s when you let greed take over you to the point that you forget what it means to be a hero. Some of those ‘fake heroes’ like Mt. Lady who was originally in it for the fame and money have grown to become real heroes. Others who really have zero conviction, will probably quit after facing this amount of despair, like the guy in chapter 296.

3. The Todoroki family’s image

How will everyone else see the victims of the situation, Natsuo, Fuyumi, Rei and Shoto after this? Especially Shoto. Now that his past is out in the public, that will probably affect his future as a pro. Would his classmates and peers see him or treat him differently after this? Like out of pity or sympathy?

4. The public’s backlash in general

How will the public start viewing not just Endeavor, Hawks, and the Todoroki family, but all heroes? Will they lose faith in heroes? We know they kinda already are when UA had a lot of backlash when Bakugo was kidnapped. UA as well, will it get shut down?

5. Bakudeku’s talk

I don’t think their relationship is actually gonna stay the same after this whole ‘my body moved on its own because I care for you and wanted to save you so I just got stabbed and risked my life for you and even told you to stop trying to be so selfless and do everything by yourself’ thing. All Might also did foreshadow that they were gonna talk soon. Maybe we could get the long awaited Bakugo apology scene ? Though it feels way too soon. And if Hori feeds us Bakudekus even more I think we’re just gonna combust.

5. Deku’s character development

His mindset and view of the world will probably be way darker and even more serious after this. I also want to see how Bakugo getting hurt for his sake and saying “don’t play hero all by yourself” will affect him. We know that he has decided to become a hero that wouldn’t make anyone worry about him when he had a flashback of his mom crying and being worried for him. He decided that the solution to that is to be stronger, but now maybe he can learn that selflessness doesn’t necessarily mean that he has to carry all the weight by himself. But then there’s the 4th user’s quirk that will probably push him to be even more selfless.

6. Ochako’s development

Please please PLEASE let this girl have more development. The way her fight against Toga ended, and her seeing the grievous side of being a hero? Probably a set up for her development.

7. Basically the rest of the kids’ development?

Obviously it’s not just the people involved in the fight against Shigaraki, or Ochako that are gonna view the world differently after this. I wanna see how they will deal with this. Kirishima and Mina will probably be some of the highlights. Also Momo, since Midnight meant a lot to her when she was the one that trusted Momo to lead their classes in the battle against Gigantomachia.

8. Aizawa and Present Mic dealing with Midnight’s death

Those two are especially highlighted amongst all of the other UA staff members because they have a past with her, as shown in vigilantes. We saw their anger and sadness about Shirakumo, what more when it comes to Midnight?

9. The villains dealing with their losses

Yes, know Toga went on a rampage after Twice’s death, but how will she and deal with it in the long run? How about losing Mr. Compress? How will Shigaraki react to both of those, and having the other Paranormal Liberation Front members like Geten captured? Not just emotionally, but how about the loss in terms of strength and power?

10. Prison break arc

People have been talking about this for years, maybe ever since we knew All for One was only imprisoned and not killed. We’ll probably see it happen next chapter. Will it cause the public to lose even more faith in the hero system? How will it affect the villains? Will AFO be their boss now, or will they resist him and stay loyal to Shigaraki?

11. All for One vs Shigaraki

Related to the previous point. We know Shigaraki really doesn’t want AFO bossing him around. They’ll probably have a fight. Maybe Deku and Shigaraki vs AFO? Then they’ll go back to fighting each other once the common threat is gone. This doesn’t feel very likely, but it could be a way of interpreting Deku’s “you looked like you needed saving” at the end of chapter 295.

11. Deku’s arms?

I don’t know if I want him to lose them and get prosthetics, or get healed by Eri. It would be great to see him experience a major loss, but ability-wise and emotionally? Not so good for him, though that’s kinda the point. Also he might not be able to use OFA in his arms anymore and I kinda don’t wanna see that. Even if he can, will he be able to use it at 100%? So far, we’ve seen that the level of technology in MHA aren’t enough to withstand 100%

12. Deku mastering One for All

I wanna see him consistently use 100% without injuring himself. I want to see him do more with black whip, float and the fourth user’s quirk. I’m also curious about the other three quirks left.

13. Power buff for everyone else

I kinda don’t wanna see the MC getting so ahead of everyone else, to the point that they leave everyone else in the dust. But I know that it’s been established way earlier on that Deku will surpass everyone in terms of strength. Even now, Bakugo, one of the strongest in Class 1-A could barely catch up with 30% OFA. But from his internal dialogue in chapter 293, I’m guessing he already had a quirk evolution when he saw Deku at the verge of death. I want to see more details on that though.

14. Everyone else’s reaction to Bakugo’s sacrifice

It’s gonna be a big thing for his character and all, but I don’t think this is gonna happen because of well, everything else being a mess. But maybe at least All Might’s?

15. Deku’s father

I don’t want him to be a really big famous, important figure, or someone involved in this whole AFO vs OFA stuff. It will kinda ruin Deku’s character of like, ‘just an ordinary boy that was lucky and so his character arc is to be worthy of that blessing’. If Deku’s father was someone like that, that would mean he was the fated or chosen one in the first place anyways? But what else can Deku’s dad be? I honestly don’t know.

16. All Might’s death

I see so many people complain that he should’ve died in Kamino, but I disagree because saving that big moment for later was actually a good decision. We know he’s gonna die, he has death flags everywhere. But I wonder how exactly he will die, when he will die, and how big of an impact his death will have.

17. The final battle

As in, the last battle of the entire series. Deku vs Shigaraki rematch, Ochako vs Toga, Shoto vs Dabi. And for Bakugo, well...... he doesn’t really have a villain nemesis? (Huh maybe I’ll talk about that some other time) But the best I could think of right now is Bakugo and Deku vs Shigaraki, like in Heroes Rising. If the Heroes Rising ending was the original series ending, maybe Hori was hinting that Bakugo and Deku will be fighting the final boss together?

18. Bakugo and Deku as a hero duo

Related to the previous point. Shipping lenses aside, I think there’s plenty of foreshadowing for that? Even if they wouldn’t officially be hero partners, I’m guessing they’re both gonna be important pillars. “Win to save, save to win”

19. The ending

I want to see how they will fix the broken hero society. I want to see Class 1-A as wonderful heroes. I want satisfying closure for the villains as well. What I don’t want to see is everyone getting married and having kids like Naruto, and those kids being the characters for a sequel series. I’m sorry but as much as I like a lot of the ships, I think that’s probably one of the worst endings possible. But a next generation sequel actually wouldn’t be that bad if the main characters were the established kid characters we already know and love, Eri, Kota, Katsuma and Mahoro. We can see through them how the new hero system/society works, and maybe all the smaller subtle stuff that they still need to patch up. Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything else good about it.

20. Deku becoming the greatest hero

Also very much related to the previous point but I only remembered it afterwards. We know it’s gonna happen, but how? Also notice that while Bakugo always says ‘number one hero’, Deku always just says ‘greatest hero’, which kinda aren’t the same thing. Maybe it’s just cuz I’m a Bakugo stan, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to just let the rival characters be content with number two? Either ‘Bakugo is the number one in ranking while Deku is the greatest hero’, or ‘Deku is the greatest and number one hero but their rivalry hasn’t ended and it’s a push-pull’ thing. Or just kill one of them (cough Bakugo cough) and it’ll be fine.

21. Other people finding out about OFA

I don't think it's going to stay a secret between Deku, Bakugo and All Might anymore. At the very least, the people involved in the fight against Shigaraki, like Shoto, Aizawa and Endeavor should be given an explanation on why Shigaraki was targeting Deku in particular. At worst, it becomes public news and Deku will now have to deal with a much a greater pressure of everyone expecting him to take up All Might's mantle. I'd rather go with the former, but the latter is also interesting I guess. Or if not those, they'd have to come up with a really good excuse.

Anyways that’s all I can think of for now? There’s probably way more at the back of my head. I’ll just edit whenever.

[katierosefun]

well, even though literally no one asked, am i going to do a whole analysis on how the red album is also lowkey about tcw? sure. sh, let me indulge 12/13 year old me.

state of grace:

our wonderful opening track. the lyrics “just twin fire signs / four blue eyes”—from this line alone, i think a lot about anakin and ahsoka and obi-wan, just because what color are their eyes? blue. check and mate.

but on a more serious level: “and i never saw you coming / and i’ll never be the same” speaks to how each of these characters’ lives were interrupted by the presence of the other. obi-wan certainly didn’t expect anakin to come into his life, and i doubted anakin ever expected ahsoka to come into his life.

“love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right” and “these are the hands of fate / you’re my Achilles heel” speaks to how this whole theme of love and how both raw and burning and ruthless love can shine in this specific universe. specifically anakin’s kind of love. additionally, the idea of Achilles heel...i’ve already discussed the parallels between Achilles and anakin and don’t feel like rehashing, but it’s def. worth noting.

“this is the golden age of something good and right and real”...golden age. the war was messy and terrible and shouldn’t have ever happened, but also, i think for that brief moment, disaster lineage was at least together.

red

look me in the eye and lie to me about how this song doesn’t sum up the exhilarating rush that must have been being around someone like anakin skywalker.

“losing him was blue like i’ve ever known / missing him was dark grey all alone / forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met / but loving him was red”: this entire refrain is about that kind of ruthless, very fiery-seeing-red-everywhere kind of sensation that comes with love. (or, as the song alludes, a kind of dangerous love.)

and if we’re talking about dangerous kind of love—“fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer / regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong”...thinking thoughts about how there must have been all these times for the people around anakin to clash heads. bro. what even is that.

“remembering him comes in flashbacks, in echoes / told myself it’s time now, gotta let go”. ha ha. you ever think about the people who live after order 66 and wonder what the hell happened to the person they loved. ha.

treacherous

alright, time to put on the anidala hat. this song is supposed to be all about loving someone and constantly feeling like you’re sliding down a slippery slope. a treacherous path—a reckless path—and yet, and yet, “i like it”.

the whole concept of these two being put in a whirlwind romance matches perfectly with these lyrics: “i can’t decide if it’s a choice / getting swept away / i hear the sound of my own voice / asking you to stay”. this mess of a relationship that probably shouldn’t have happened, but it happened, and now the only choice for these two is to hold on...bro.

i knew you were trouble.

ohhhh god, do i need to explain how this is an anidala song or—

“i was in your sights / you got me alone / you found me”,,,the fact that anakin skywalker really looked at padmé amidala after ten years and automatically went “i love her”. a part of me will always sigh and want to pat anakin’s head that please, please, please control yourself, but what am i supposed to do anyways—

but also, the way this song also addresses all the dangerous things that come with a love that probably shouldn’t have started / shouldn’t have been born with so many secrets. the damning / basically self-loathing lyrics like “the joke is on me” and “shame on me now” is honestly kind of sad, and while i don’t think padmé ever regretted loving anakin (and i’ve covered this so many times, but i think anakin and padmé genuinely loved each other), there was def. a sense of constant danger and fear that one day, all the secrets will come tumbling out / something’s going to happen. and all that ultimately bubbles over in revenge of the sith, right when padmé looks at anakin and just doesn’t see him anymore.

all too well

tbh, this song deserves a whole long post on its own, but i’ll try to be concise. i genuinely think this could be about any of the tcw characters / tcw pairings, but because it’s my post and my obsession, i’ll discuss the disaster lineage. there’s something so quietly sad about the line “but you still got [my scarf] in your drawer, even now” and how that speaks to how obi-wan has anakin’s lightsaber / how anakin has ahsoka’s lightsaber both as himself and as ahsoka after ahsoka left the order / after order 66. the fact that you still have a piece of someone you love(d), long after they’re gone...

the fact that this song is so full of memories and longing and aching and grief over a loved relationship. thinking about the lyrics “you tell me about your past, thinking your future was me” is especially sad because while i don’t think anakin was ever completely open about his childhood / past, i like to think he must have told some stories to obi-wan and padmé and ahsoka about happier moments—and you have to wonder what kind of future anakin saw for himself with his loved ones.

“maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up” speaks to how for a rare, rare moment, we see anakin skywalker as the hero we’re all supposed to like—and we see how it all crumbles apart so fast.

“but you keep my old scarf from that very first week / because it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me” hits especially hard when you think about how vader still has ahsoka’s lightsabers, or the fact that everything goes “back to when i loved you so / back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known”...thinking. a lot about anakin and how the love he felt / received from his friends were real, realer than anything that palpacreep could ever give him. it was all real, and now they’re all memories.

22

okay, this is just a fun song so i can’t really apply it anywhere, but i like to think there must have been a birthday somewhere along the line / some kind of happy event where there’s some chaotic tcw fam shenanigans. ditching the whole scene and “end[ing] up dreaming instead of sleeping”...i like to think they must have had some kind of happy moment like that.

i almost do

this song honestly reminds me the most of anakin and ahsoka. do you ever think that ahsoka might have wanted to reach out to anakin at some point? how “it takes everything in me not to call you”—how she might wish that she could talk to him again but every time she doesn’t, she almost does. (and ha. this makes their S7 reunion even more painful.)

the whole “i bet you think i either moved on or hate you” and “i bet it never ever occurred to you that i can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye” speaks mostly to that very same reunion. the fact that ahsoka and anakin leave so many things unsaid—the fact that ahsoka restrains herself, cites that reason for the fact that they’ll just catch up another time...when that another time never happens.

we are never ever getting back together

hahaa, i can’t quite laugh about this but also i can because i kinda made a crack edit of disaster lineage + this song over the summer, and it really is just a joke but also...lol vader + ahsoka + obi-wan, but more specifically ahsoka and vader in their reunion in rebels lol. they’re never getting back together, geddit? they “used to think [they] were forever” and “[sigh] he calls me up again and is like i still love you and like,,,this is exhausting, you know?” yeah, me too sis. 🙄

stay stay stay

okay, okay, okay, maybe going a little bit into crack-y happy tcw feelings, but all i’m saying is that i love the image of these dorks staying for each other, you know? the whole “you took the time to memorize me” and “all those times that you didn’t leave / it’s been occurring to me i’d like to hang out with you for my whole life” and “no one else is gonna love me when i get mad” makes me kinda soft but also sad knowing that one of the tragedies of tcw fam is that no one really stays.

the last time

highkey the whole clovis arc in season 6. but anyways, especially the lines about “this is the last time i’m asking you this / put my name at the top of your list” speaks a lot to me about this hunger (yeah, this is @ anakin) to be someone’s first choice. it’s about the anger and jealousy and dull pain of knowing that everyone else’s priorities are elsewhere (and that’s not their fault, but you still feel like it is).

but if we’re thinking about the clovis arc especially, i think a whole lot about anakin + padmé, as well as anakin and obi-wan, esp. in these lyrics: “you wear your best apology / but i was there to watch you leave” and “all those times i let you in / just for you to go again”. we know anakin and padmé were...going through it in this arc, but specially anakin and obi-wan’s conversation—the one where obi-wan’s trying to reach anakin? we see obi-wan briefly open up (ie. about satine!) and anakin quickly shuts it down, and when obi-wan leaves, we see the pain on both of their faces because this wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go.

but also, if we’re circling back to anakin and padmé’s relationship in this arc especially: the really, really painful lyrics about “this is the last time you tell me i’ve got it wrong” and “this is the last time i say it’s been you all along” and “this is the last time i let you in my door” and “this is the last time / i won’t hurt you anymore”...this arc truly explores just how deep the hurt can run when you have a secret relationship. how quickly love can blur into possession and jealousy and anger, and we see that in how anakin and padmé just...both crumble apart, especially in that one bit when padmé basically says she doesn’t want to see anakin for a little while. like. idk. it’s just sad, because this arc really showed just all the issues and problems within a relationship built on lies.

holy ground

oh god, what a fun song. but anyways, just to kick things off: “and darling, it was good / never looking down / and right there where we stood / was holy ground” speaks to a relationship that was good, even if it was wild and brief. which. disaster lineage.

the whole “i guess we fall apart in the usual way / and the story’s got dust on every page” and “i see your face in every crowd” vibe too—these idiots miss each other, and they probably see each other where they’re not supposed to. there was nothing unusual about their falling apart, of course, but something about this song compels me to think about how even in the grief and pain that ultimately drags ahsoka and obi-wan down especially, i think they still are fond of their happier memories with anakin.

also, “tonight i’m gonna dance for all we’ve been through” and “but i don’t wanna dance if i’m not dancing you” makes me a little sad because i think a lot about the fall of the empire and how the whole galaxy is out celebrating, but there’s a certain togruta woman who can’t completely celebrate because now she knows that. her whole family. really is gone.

sad beautiful tragic

this whole song is so tragic, but. anyways. more tragic disaster lineage vibes. the words “words, how little they mean / when you’re a little too late” makes me want to scream because i think a lot about how in rebels, ahsoka tells vader that she won’t leave him—not this time—and obi-wan crying that he loved anakin—the real tragedy here is that these were all words that anakin should have known deep down, but he didn’t, and they all felt late. their timing is terrible.

and “in dreams, i meet you in warm conversation” screams to me this one passage about how obi-wan dreams about anakin, although those dreams are anything but warm. but the idea of how obi-wan still dreams and how “time is taking its sweet time erasing you”—because in the kenobi novel especially, obi-wan explicitly struggles...a lot with anakin’s loss. he definitely gets...sad and tries to remember how the hell it all happened. he keeps pulling out anakin’s lightsaber and just. forcibly puts it away because he knows looking at it would cause just more grief and oh yikes.

the lucky one

ngl i forgot how fuckign good this song is,,,bro. anyways, i think this def. speaks to the og prequel trilogy trio especially, because i think they were all seriously going through with the whole...reputation thing. thinking mostly about how anakin, padmé, and obi-wan are all supposed to be these heroic / cool / beautiful figures who everyone’s supposed to look up to when in reality, they were all struggling with something. also lol the fact that obi-wan and anakin were both propped up as war propaganda figures in-universe because of palpacreep def. speaks to that whole “they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one”.

and “they tell you that you’re lucky / but you’re so confused because you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used” and “you wonder if you’ll make it out alive” hurts the most, i think, just because how they apply to all those in prequel trilogy. anakin, obi-wan, and padmé—not to mention all the other jedi and the clones, oh god, the clones—were all fighting a war that ultimately didn’t matter, and they were all fighting a war that didn’t leave them as heroes. it just left them as pawns.

but i think if there’s any hope—any hope at all in this song, i think it’s in the last lyrics: “and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared / how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out” reminds me the most of probably ahsoka and rex, or the people who survived the mess that was the clone wars. granted, rex didn’t exactly have the choice that ahsoka had, because she was the one who really made the big decision to look around herself and say “nope, i can’t be a part of this order”. she got the hell out.

everything has changed

hear me out, but i just think this makes for a cute anakin and ahsoka song, esp. their very cute beginnings. just like. as soon as they meet each other, both of them are ultimately changed. the fact that ahsoka has been noted to be the key to understanding who anakin is—the fact that it’s ahsoka’s relationship / interactions with anakin that ultimately makes him a better person because they’re siblings, your honor—yeah. very much the cute “all i know is we said hello”...the lyrics going on about “i just wanna know you better” and “your eyes look like coming home” makes me soft because. i think that while yes, they had their own rocky beginning, the difference between anakin and ahsoka’s relationship vs. anakin and obi-wan’s (rip i love anakin and obi-wan and i genuinely believe that obi-wan was the best teacher for anakin, and i think their bond is incredibly special, but.......boys please communicate better) is that i think anakin makes a really explicit effort to make sure ahsoka knows that like. he wants her around.

idk—i’m not saying obi-wan didn’t want anakin around! but i think one of the greatest tragedies of their relationship is that anakin always seemed to just. not click with obi-wan’s own demonstrations of love / i want you to be here messages. (the gambit duology goes a little more into this—only in those books, anakin and obi-wan actually talk a little about their feelings! which is nice!) but anyways, point being: anakin and ahsoka really looked at each other and were like “oh yeah. you’re my idiot now.” and i think that’s really cool of them.

starlight

oh god, this is kind of an anidala song but i also am tempted to say obitine song just because of that one line about “pretending to be a duchess and a prince” because,,,lol duchess geddit? and overall just think it’s really cute because. summer love!!!

but also, i do see this as an anidala song because “he was trying to skip rocks on the ocean, saying to me / don’t you dream impossible things?” because i see anakin as most certainly that dreamy-eyed boy who looks at padmé and is just. like that. (and we see a whole ton of that, esp. in aotc and how padmé initially is like “this is a terrible idea” and eventually winds up falling in love anyways, as one does.)

begin again

this song is odd because it doesn’t really give me overwhelming star wars feelings, but it does remind me a little bit of how ahsoka must have felt getting with the rebels crew. because i think ahsoka must have “watched it begin again” when she noted kanan and ezra’s interactions with each other, and i feel like when she’s with ezra, she sees a lot of the young padawan she used to be, and i think there must have been a point where she recognizes that “what’s past is past”. she’s watching everything begin again.

the moment i knew

this is another one of those songs that makes me sad about anidala because it seems like they’re always getting interrupted? the idea of being told that someone’s going to show but it might not happen because life (ie. war! there’s a war!),,,and still not being able to be really that sad about it in public makes me sad. just. i’m reminded of this one moment in tcw where anakin has to leave early because of something and just. the lyrics “what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn’t show”—like, of course, we see anakin sneaking off, but i def. think in that one tcw episode, we get a glimpse of. how lonely life might be if you’re just. waiting for someone to come home, only to realize that they might not show.

come back...be here

ha....hahahahaa weirdly both anakin and ahsoka and obitine feelings? give me a second.

okay, so as for anakin and ahsoka first: “i can’t help but wish you took me with you” hits hard just because of the time anakin tells ahsoka that he knows what it feels like to want to leave the order. just. oh god.

and then there’s this bit of “this is when the feeling sinks in / i don’t wanna miss you like this” hits hard, esp. considering the whole utapau arc where anakin accidentally slips in ahsoka’s name. he misses her, and i don’t think he really wanted to show that—but it sinks in so hard and fast for him, and it hurts so much oh god

also, the “right when i was just about to fall”: i know that in this context, fall is supposed to mean falling in love, but. the fact that anakin is literally about to fall like,,,a few days after his reunion with ahsoka. i cry now!

as for obitine: ahahahaha. pain, esp. considering how they probably separated after their year on the run? thinking about how that goodbye must have been like—mostly thinking about how there’s so much history between the two. how strange it is that they “didn’t know each other at all”, and how they might have had “the feeling they could know so much without knowing anything at all”, and now i think about how both of them could have “stumbled through the long goodbye”. i think a lot about those years of separation and how satine confesses how she had been in love with obi-wan for a long time—and how that in itself...wondering how or when satine knew for certain that she had fallen in love with the young jedi who came to her aid. thinking about how her “falling in love in the cruelest way” is how that whole falling in love—and realizing just how in love she was—is so cruel, because like. you know. when you’ve been in love / are loving someone for like...ten years....that’s kinda intense ngl

girl at home

lol this song doesn’t really fit with anything star wars related because i don’t think anyone in tcw would actually cheat on their loved ones? still 100000/10 a bop of a song though, and i still think it’s one of swift’s more mature songs, 10000/10 recommend.

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Marauders #22

I absolutely hated this issue, so be warned that’s a lot of salt here, and my usual whining, so skip this post if you’re not in the mood for that.  Also spoilers below.

First impression - what absolute, self-indulgent horseshit.  I hesitate to use “fanfic” in a derogatory way, but a lot of Marauders has read as being very “fanfic” in terms of self-indulgence, and greatly favoring certain characters while denigrating others.  I actually don’t think that’s a bad thing in fanfic.  It can be annoying to read if that’s not what you’re looking for (or it can be wonderful, if it IS what you’re looking for), but ultimately, fanfic is all about self-indulgence.  It’s about writing what you want to see in a story, and if Duggan’s Marauders was someone’s actual fanfic, I wouldn’t have anything bad to say about it.  I might dislike the characterization, and probably wouldn’t read it, but it ultimately wouldn’t matter because it’s fanfic.  Frankly, I’m just as bad about constantly centering everything around Pyro (and finding ways to work him into stories where he doesn’t even belong), because I’m writing just for myself, so I can be self-indulgent.  But I’d expect much better from a professional writer.  I’d expect much better from someone being paid to write a team book.  I’d expect a god-damn balanced book that actually pays attention to the whole cast and gives a thoughtful interpretation to ALL the characters, even the villains, rather than a book dedicated to shining a spotlight on two already well-established characters, and treating them like queens who step all over the rest of the cast. 

So, we ignore almost everything set up at the Gala, including the attack on Christian and the Marauder (the ship) being set ablaze.  Why aren’t the characters handling that, Duggan?  Is that really being saved for another month?  We don’t even know if Christian is dead or not, you can’t even spare a panel for Iceman reacting to this?  Instead, we tell a flashback story that eventually reveals that Lourdes Chantel is still alive, and Emma helped her fake her own death to escape from an abusive Sebastian.

What exactly is the point of this story, in terms of the overall Marauders arc?  Will Lourdes show up later to play a role?  Is this meant to further push Sebastian along some kind of path to redemption (recognizing that he drove Lourdes away with his actions).  Because so far, Duggan doesn’t seem the slightest bit interested in rehabilitating Sebastian.  This seems like yet another story establishing Emma GOOD, Sebastian BAD, the same message that’s been getting pounded into the readers’ heads for 22 issues.  Like, we KNOW, Duggan.  We know that you think the sun shines out of Emma’s ass, you’ve already well-established that you think she’s a brilliant, wonderful, compassionate, badass queen, through 22 issues of centering the entire series around her, at the expense of EVERY other fucking character in the book (even sometimes Kate, the other obvious favorite).  It’s gotten beyond tiresome at this point.  Like, I feel like even people who love Emma and hate Sebastian are getting bored by now, because it’s not even good storytelling to have a strawman villain who is no real threat just getting repeatedly knocked down.

So, Duggan has taken both Sebastian and Emma, and further removed any kind of complexity or nuance from them.  Sebastian can’t have a kind or tender side, he can’t ever be shown in a positive light.  His relationship was Lourdes was previously part of his tragic origins, pushing him to be a worse person than he’d been in a past, but no, lets retcon him to be a controlling abuser, whom Lourdes is desperate to escape.  Because it makes Sebastian look bad and Emma look good.  Honestly, it would have been more interesting and powerful to have Lourdes come back from the dead, and be disgusted by the person Sebastian has become.  That would actually have an impact.

And by the way, why did Lourdes need Emma’s help in establishing her new identity?  She was already part of the Hellfire Club, she’s the one who brought Sebastian in, she’s rich as fuck.  Lourdes should be well capable of getting away from Sebastian on her own.  She might need Emma’s help for faking her own death, but the rest of it?  Emma should just do a little hacking to access Lourdes’ personal fortune and transfer it into a new account, and then she’s good to go.  But no, Lourdes has to be treated like a little lost lamb, a helpless battered woman for Emma to rescue.  And Emma’s deal with the Kingpin further exonerates Emma for her past crimes, because obviously, she’s just working off the debt she incurred helping poor, innocent Lourdes!  It can’t be that Emma did bad things in the past because she was ambitious, cruel, vain, and power-hungry, she has to be a woke queen who was always there to help other women.

I think Duggan thinks he’s being feminist with all this, with the “women help each other,” message, and either ignoring or villifying all the male characters.  But he’s not.  It’s not feminist to take a very complex, interesting, powerful woman like Emma Frost and completely remove all responsibility and agency for her past crimes by turning her into an abuse victim and repeatedly retconning her to be better than she actually was.  (To be fair, Duggan is just continuing a trend already started by other writers).  Emma is ambitious, power-hungry, cruel, callous, self-absorbed, vain and snobby.  But she is also brave, intelligent, compassionate, kind, protective, heroic, and self-sacrificing.  All of those things are part of Emma.  She is a teacher who loved her students, and the love for those students is part of what sent Emma on her long, difficult path towards redemption.  Yes, she’s a badass queen, but she is also a flawed individual, who has worked to overcome those flaws and become a better person.  And constantly re-writing the past to make her an “always good” abuse victim who only ever committed crimes because the big bad men forced her into it cheapens that redemption.

Speaking of cheap redemption -     

The Wilhelmina subplot: Wow, Duggan really will prioritize ANY character over Bishop, Iceman and Pyro, won’t he?  I know this is me throwing a tantrum, because “Wah, Duggan is writing someone other than my favorites!” but after 22 issues I feel justified in this whining.  Iceman, Bishop and Pyro are supposed to be regular cast members, and so far Duggan has given more serious development and emotional scenes to Callisto, Forge, Dolores (the human contact at the X-Desk), Masque, Jumbo Carnation, Magneto, the Cuckoos, and now Wilhelmina.  I don’t mind the development for many of those characters, I like Callisto and Forge and Jumbo (although I’m a little annoyed at the Magneto stuff, since he’s already front and center in the Krakoa era, and about to star in a mini-series, does he really need more time in the spotlight?).  But honestly?  Fuck Wilhelmina.  I was never that interested in the Hellfire brats, and I’m not the slightest bit interested in watching the retcon redemption of a character that murders animals for fun.  Why does she get a spotlight story while the three dudes on the team STILL haven’t gotten anything more than vague background hints of character arcs.  I mean, compare the very emotional flashback and Wilhelmina’s breakdown to the half-assed, mostly taking place off- panel “redemption” that Duggan has given Pyro.  Just a single line of “maybe this crew is bringing out the best in me,” with no lead-up, no further reflection, no hints about Pyro changing his ideas before then.  Why did you even put Iceman, Bishop and Pyro on the team if you’re not going to use them, Duggan?  Because you’ve made it quite clear that you’d rather write ANY character other than them.  I can’t even look forward to Tempo and Banshee joining the cast next issue, even though I like them (and I really want to see more development of Tempo), because I know they will be yet more characters that get pushed into the foreground, while Iceman, Bishop and Pyro remain the underdeveloped background clown trio.    

Also, it seems kind of offensive to have a cruel, murderous female character, and then say that her cruelty is entirely due to sexual abuse?  What kind of message does that send to sexual abuse victims?  That it will turn you into a monster?  Why do female villains keep getting sexual abuse as part of their backstory?  Why can’t they just be bad?  Or have something else going on?  So the Cuckoos flip a switch in Wilhelmina and she’s magically “fixed,” or at least on her way to better?  Again, I think Duggan thinks he’s being feminist with this, but he’s not. 

At least Wllhelmina has been a recurring villain in this series, so I can kinda see how her potential redemption may move the plot along, but Duggan is still introducing new plot threads, while leaving so many others dangling.  What about Christian?  What about Shinobi and Fenris?  Will Bobby and Christian ever even speak to each other again?  Will the supposed main cast members of Iceman, Bishop and Pyro ever, EVER get a proper character arc?

Or will we get an entire issue of Emma, Kate and the Cuckoos giving Wilhelmina a redemptive make-over, because girl power, amiright?

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Back at it again with my self-indulgent comic posts. This time! It’s Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #3, perhaps the most tonally-distinct entry yet, with shades of The Twilight Zone. 

Spoilers!

So, as mentioned, this issue is the most deliberate in terms of both its pacing and its tone, IMO.

What is that tone, you ask?

To quote Alex Danvers, from “Midvale”: Hello, darkness.

THE STORY:

Kara and Ruthye are still looking for Krem Clues in the alien town of Maypole.

(Which is actually just Small Town, USA, complete with vintage 50s aesthetics.)

But the locals are clearly hiding something! So Kara and Ruthye continue to investigate, and they eventually discover what it was that the residents of Maypole were so keen to keep hidden. 

Genocide, basically. 

As I said, this issue struck me as very Twilight Zone; a genre story involving the build-up to a dark twist, all set against the backdrop of an idyllic small town. (Think, like, “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street” but instead of focusing on the Red Scare, it’s classism and racism.)

The wealthier blue aliens kicked all of the purple aliens out of town, and when space pirates showed up to pillage and plunder, the blue aliens made a deal with them: the lives of the purple aliens in exchange for their safety.  

Which is where the episodic story connects to the larger mission; it was Krem who suggested the trade, and then joined up with the Brigands (space pirates) when he was freed by the blue aliens.

The issue ends with no tidy resolution to the terrible things Kara and Ruthye discovered, but they do have a lead on where to find Krem, now, as well as Barbond’s Brigands.

KARA-CTERIZATION:

Ironically, it’s here, in the darkest chapter yet, that we get the closest to what might be considered ‘classic’ Kara. 

Which I think comes down to that aforementioned deliberate pace--this issue is a little slower, a little quieter. It gives the characters some room to breathe.

That’s not to say Crusty Kara is gone. Oh no. She is still very much Crusty. XD 

But anyways. A list! Of Kara moments I loved!

I mentioned a few of these in a prior post when the preview pages came out: I like the moment where Kara blows down the guy’s house of cards, and I like that the action is echoed later in the issue when she grabs the mayor’s desk and tosses it aside. A nice visual representation of the escalation of Kara being, like. Done with these creeps. (Creeps is an understatement but you get the idea.)

Another one from the preview pages: Kara explains to Ruthye that her super hearing won’t necessarily help her detect a lie, especially if she’s dealing with an alien species she’s not familiar with.

It not only reveals her level of competence and understanding of her super powers, it also shows that, you know. She’s a thinker. She’s smart. 

Amazing! Showing, rather than telling us, that Kara is smart! Without mentioning the science guild at all wow hey wow.

(Sorry, pointed criticism of the SG show fandom.)

Anyways.

I dig the PJs! 

And Kara catching the bullet! Not only are the poses and character acting great, it’s also a neat bit of panel composition:

We start with Ruthye’s POV, and then move to the wide shot of the room. The panel where Kara actually catches the bullet is down and to the side of the wide shot panel--we move our eyes the way her body/arm would have to move to intercept the bullet. Physicality in static, 2D images!

Also, like. It’s a very tense moment, life-or-death, but. Ruthye’s wide-eyed surprise at the bullet in Kara’s hand? Kind of adorable. 

I was pretty much prepared for the page of Kara shielding Ruthye from the gunfire to be the highlight--it was one of the first pages King shared and I was like, ‘yeah, YEAH.’ But, shockingly? The TRUE highlight of the issue?

Where do I BEGIN?!?!

EVERYTHING. About this moment. Is lovely.

From Kara holding Ruthye above the bench to explaining the concept of a piggyback ride, to telling her:

“I’m going to hold my hands here, and these hands can turn coal into diamonds, so they’re not going to let go. I’m going to keep you safe.”

HNNNNNNNNNNNG.

Ruthye’s narration--about how Kara had avoided flying as she was concerned it would freak Ruthye out--just adds a whole additional layer of YES, GOOD, YES, and her line on that splash page is great: “You see, all that time, she was worried about me.”

HNNNNNNNNNNNG. AGAIN.

To say nothing of the STELLAR ARTWORK.

And SPEAKING of that stellar artwork, Evely and Lopes continue to knock it out of the park. Each issue is distinct and beautifully crafted, a true joy to look at.

Before I jump into more of the art, a few final notes of character stuff in general.

Ruthye is the one most affected by the experience in Maypole, as she can’t comprehend how a society of people that look so nice and gentle and peaceful could have been party to such a horrible act.

One of the big criticisms of the book thus far is that Supergirl is not the main character, and I guess I can agree with that observation. Typically, in Western media, the main character is the one who goes through the most change in the story. 

And, yeah. That’s Ruthye.

As I was reading the end, where Ruthye sits on the curb and Kara hugs her, I was imagining how the scene would’ve played, had King stuck with the original idea for the series: Kara as the one learning to be tough/experiencing all of this for the first time, and while I think that could certainly work...

I continue to appreciate that King literally flipped the script; that Kara, especially in this issue, is like, ‘I’ve seen this, I know this,’ as opposed to being the one going through a loss of innocence.

*Marge Simpson voice* I just think it’s neat!

Because Kara’s been a teen in DC comics for so long--ever since she was reintroduced to the main DCU continuity, actually--so this is all brand new territory, here. Having an older Kara who’s SEEN SOME STUFF.

(Alsoooooo, since Bendis made the destruction of Krypton not just inaction and climate disaster, but rather, genocide, and the subtext of a Kryptonian diaspora text, the waitress’ derogatory comment regarding the the destruction of Kryton, as well as Kara picking up the bad vibes the entire time, suggests not just a broad commentary on discrimination in all its forms, but specifically allegorical anti-Semitism. The purple aliens being forced out of their homes and into substandard living conditions, then the blue aliens--their neighbors and once-fellow residents--essentially allowing the space pirates to kill them, making them literal scapegoats, Kara discovering the remains of the purple aliens, and Ruthye’s horror at the ‘banality of evil’...yes. A case could be made, I think.) 

(Which would probably require a post unto itself and a lot more in-depth discussion, nuance, and cited sources.)

(Should mention that King has brought up that both he and Orlando--the other Supergirl writer he talked to--are Jewish, and for him personally, that shaped his views on Kara’s origin story.)

I guess my point is that this issue is perhaps not as out-of-left-field as some might think, and just because there isn’t as obvious an arc for Kara, doesn’t mean there isn’t some sharp character work at play. 

(I could be WAY OFF, of course, and I’m not suggesting it’s a clear 1:1 comparison. I’d actually really love to hear King talk about this issue in particular.)

Anyways.

Here’s the final page, which I think works, because as I mentioned before, there is no easy answer/quick wrap-up to the story of Maypole:

THE ART:

I mean. How many times can I just shout ‘ART! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRTTTT!’ before it gets old?

I dunno, but I guess we’re gonna FIND OUT.

There are some panels in this issue that I just. Like ‘em! From a purely artistic standpoint! Because they’re so good!

Like, I just really love the way Kara is drawn in that top panel. Her troubled, confused expression, the colors of the fading light, the HAIR. 

Evely draws the best hair. I know I’ve said this before. I don’t care. I will continue to say it, because it continues to be true.

The issue I find myself running up against when I make these posts is that I really don’t want to post whole pages, as that’s generally frowned upon (re: pirating etc.) but with something like this, you just can’t appreciate it in panel-by-panel snippets.

(Guided View on digital reading platforms is a BANE and a POX I say!)

Anyways.

LOVE the implied movement of the cape settling as Kara speeds in and stops. 

And, obviously, Kara flicking the bullet away is just. A+. 

And the EYES, man. LOPES’ COLORS ON THE EYES???!?! BEAUTIFUL.

Also, should note the lettering! The more rounded letters for the ‘WOOSH’ of Kara’s speed (and, earlier, the super breath) work nicely, and contrast with the angular, violent BLAMS of the gunshots. 

And, I gotta say, the editor is doing a really great job of not cluttering up the artwork with all the caption boxes. Which is no small task.

(I assume the editor is placing them, as editors usually handle word balloon/caption box placement, but I suppose it could be Evely? Sometimes the artist handles it. Either way, whoever’s taking care of all the text, EXCELLENT WORK! BRAVO!)

Okay I think that’s everything.

Ah, nope, wait.

MISC.

Just a funny observation, more than anything else: Superman: Red and Blue dropped this week, and King had a story in there, “The Special” (which was very good, btw.) Both Lois and the waitress swear a lot so I’m beginning to think that this is just how King writes dialogue for any adult character who isn’t Clark. XD

This is absolutely a personal preference but when Kara was like, “And my name IS Supergirl,” I was like nooooo. I know King is trying to simplify all of the conflicting origin stories and lore but I LIKE KARA DANVERS, SIR. XD

It’s almost assuredly a cash-grab/an attempt for DC to get all the money it can out of a book they don’t have much confidence in, but I like the cardstock covers! Very classy, much Strange Adventures.

(OH my gosh, can you imagine that issue 1 cover with spot gloss???? Basically the only way you could possibly improve on it.) 

Okay NOW I’m done. For real. XD NEXT TIME: Kara and Ruthye go after Krem and the Brigands!

[logicalbookthief]

What do you think will happen with dabi and endeavor? We already know shoto endgame but I’m curious what will go on between “father/creator” and “son/creation”

Tbh? I can’t say for sure. My hope is that it doesn’t end with Dabi dying. I’ve read a lot of good metas that point out that Dabi is the shadow to Endeavor and you don’t kill your shadow, you have to reconcile with it or something along those lines -- if you intend to complete your character arc, rather than stagnate or regress which is why Hawks can’t come back after killing Twice imo.

Personally, I would prefer that to complete his arc Endeavor dies by way of sacrifice. While I don’t disagree with people who say that would be letting him off too easy, I don’t trust the manga not to give him a happy life with his family should he live, and I find that harder to stomach than if he gets a somewhat “noble” death that is still narratively satisfying.

However, this would only work if he dies to protect Touya in a way that doesn’t help to defeat the endgame villain or contribute to the greater good. Actually, it would be even better if his sacrifice impedes the heroes. A sacrifice like that would show he loves his son and wants him to live no matter what, a parallel to how he couldn’t give a shit when he was a child and let him die. But I don’t think we can get anywhere near a point like that unless a few things happen first.

To expand on that, I want to mention I love how anon referred to Endeavor and Dabi as  “father/creator” and “son/creation” because I, like many others, see the numerous parallels between Dabi’s story and Frankenstein.

Contrary to what pop culture might lead you to believe, Mary Shelley’s story is about parenthood. Before I read the novel, I had thought it was a cautionary tale of man acting as god, because that’s usually how it gets depicted in media. But it’s not that at all! Rather, the core theme of the story is that if you create life, you have a responsibility to care for it now that you have brought it into the world.

Victor Frankenstein and Endeavor are alike in that the life they create fails to meet the expectations they had and so they abandon it completely. Rejected by its creator and hated by society, the Creature becomes the monster it is treated as. Sound familiar?

At the end of Frankenstein, Victor loses everyone and everything he holds dear to the Creature, who vowed revenge upon his creator for his negligence and lack of compassion. Victor spends the remainder of his days chasing the Creature, hunting him to the ends of the earth, until at last he dies. Rather than be overjoyed or vindicated, the Creature weeps over Victor’s body and states that now he can die, too. It is a tragedy, because in spite of the toxicity of the relationship, they were left with only each other.

And if it was up to Dabi, that’s what the endgame would be for him and Endeavor. What else can we infer from the line, “Come dance with your son in hell!” He intends to destroy his father and destroy himself in the process. However, there’s a crucial way in which the manga and Frankenstein differ that proves this will not be the case.

After he’s abandoned by his creator, the Creature makes an attempt to reach out and connect to others, only to be spurned every single time. He realizes that he will never be accepted, so the Creature confronts Victor and gives him an ultimatum: if Victor creates a companion as  monstrous as him so he will not be alone, he will leave Victor in peace and never hurt another person again. It is where we get this quote, which I love, and I think it fits Dabi rather nicely:

“I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”

At first Victor agrees to these terms, only to go back on his word, which is what dooms them both to loneliness and ruin. Because for the Creature, that was his one chance of finding another being who could understand and thus form a connection with him. And what did we see Touya trying and failing to do in these flashbacks?

Find someone who will understand and validate these feelings he has. And validate his very existence.

I know Shouto is set up as his main foil and will undoubtedly be the one to save his brother, so this may be an Unpopular Opinion, but... I don’t believe that can happen unless Touya connects with the League of Villains first.

What the end of Ch 302 did for me is confirm that while they have reckoned with the past and what happened to Touya, the Todorokis (except for maybe Natsuo, specifically Natsuo in the Spanish translation lol, courtesy of @redphlox) have yet to understand what Touya needs. What he needed from them all along as a child.

They resign themselves to fighting Touya, and well, yeah; this is a shounen manga. But Touya wants to fight Endeavor and Shouto. He engineered his entire identity as a villain as someone who his father and his father’s masterpiece will have to fight. He doesn’t care who wins or loses because he doesn’t intend to survive. He intends to burn.

The revelation that “Dabi is me” was monumental progress for Shouto, yet while he can relate to his brother as one of Endeavor’s projects, he was never a rejection or a failure. Never the bad child or the scapegoat or the monster. He was always a hero and told he could be a hero, which is solidified by Rei’s words in the latest chapter.

Touya does need to be saved by the heroes in the end, but as it is, he’s not at a place where a confrontation with his family would lead to anything except more self-destruction. They’re dealing with him as a villain, they aren’t going to be in a position to give him the praise and affirmation he craved as a child.

But you know who could? The League of Villains. They understand what it’s like to be scapegoated by their families and vilified by society, while those who hurt them are excused and unpunished. They can see the strength in Touya that allowed him to survive this long without help, because they also were forced to become strong and even monstrous in order to survive.

If Shouto or Endeavor try to reach out to Touya as he is now, he can dismiss it as them doing it out of a “hero’s sense of duty” rather than doing it out of genuine compassion or love for Touya. Because if Touya as an innocent child was not loved or worthy of this compassion, how in the world is he supposed to believe that Dabi is?

Which is why he needs to be saved by the League first. They care for Touya not in spite of his heinous acts. They don’t give a shit! He’s a friend, that’s all the reason they need. They don’t have to be righteous or have a moral obligation to want him to live -- they’re selfish, they protect what they love and destroy what they hate. And they would have no qualms with laying the blame on Endeavor for what he’s done. 

Dabi spent his childhood without unconditional love, and then crafted his persona as a villain around this very idea, that he is the outcast, the monster, someone only capable of destroying. He acts like he’s alone, but the truth is, he does have people who can understand. Companions as “monstrous” as he is. 

To realize he can be loved as he is, through his ties to the LoV, it paves the way for him to believe he could be loved enough by his family that they still want to save him. It would definitely make him more receptive to Shouto and less self-destructive around his father.

Anyway, I hope this answers anon’s question, despite the digression into Frankenstein parallels and the League of Villains lol.

[ratplagues]

🔥 any dishonored thing of ur choosing -deathoftheoutsider

wah okay!! i will talk a bit about the outsider and void then..i dont really wanna frame it as a Hot Take bc i have no interest in starting shit or whatever like ill interact with whatever i want to in this fandom and ignore the rest and everyone else is free to do the same but.

I do not think The Outsider is a “character” in the conventional sense, much less that it does his character or the allegory he wields any justice to be shipped with anyone in the series (at least without seriously considering the implications and framing it in a way that completes the allegory. more on this later)

the outsider and his void are an allegory for Otherness; i’m namely gonna frame it as queerness and neurodiversity, but really anything could fit as long as it’s about you feeling seen as a marginalized and othered person. he is written to represent this allegory, not to be a person with a satisfying narrative arc or dimensions. this is why some people feel that he lacks depth-- he’s not supposed to have depth compared to others in the series, he’s mostly a vehicle for what he represents, and is supposed to be easy to identify with or recognize.

he was born to a life of hardship, suffered at the hands of the rich and powerful, was ignored, cast out, etc. etc. a familiar story. poor, queer, nd, really whatever you wanna frame it as. he was a nobody outcast. in comes the envisioned, they pick him to serve as their martyr and idol without his permission. he then had his name cut away and forgotten, and was thrust onto a pedestal to spend the rest of eternity being worshipped by other outcasts who had suffered at the same hands he had. he has something greatly in common with those who worship him, including the very people who stripped his mortality from him in the first place, but because of this shared hardship (and nothing else), his own autonomous personhood was disregarded completely in favor of The Community needing someone Just Like Them to idolize. if this sounds familiar, that’s because it should!!

his humanity was taken from him, and in his place, an idol was created. his human body is frozen in stone in the center of the void-- retired. out of commission. no longer needed. he was immortalized, transcended. this is traditionally desired, although dishonored is trying to convince you that it is not actually desirable. in the age of internet content creation, you can be immortalized without even being present, without knowing about it. you become what you can do for other people, and what you cannot. people fall in love with an idea of you, the idea of you being like them, and other people come to hate you deeply without even knowing you. people came to hate the outsider more deeply than he ever had been when he was human-- he wasn’t seen when he was human. a pedestal only helps you to be seen. the outsider had the choice made for him to achieve immortality in exchange for the simple joys of being un-known.

he spends all of doto trying to convey this idea to billie through the hollows:

"There is freedom in being hated. There is license in being cast out. Some learn this lesson a little too well."  "These people lay their thoughts, their petty wants, their murderous desires in front of me to witness. I cannot turn away." "We carry what was done to us through the rest of our endless days. No one asked if we wanted it." (i like this one. he speaks for the community-- this is a shared experience, one everyone can recognize. however, as a Queer Figure, he never asked for this. he never asked to be immortalized. i like the double meaning here)

not to mention, the entire extent of the outsider’s Sole ability and influence on the real world is to “choose” people and give them untold power over others. this is a fun ironic twist on what marginalized groups endure from powerful people, (dishonored is largely about power imbalances and socioeconomic hierarchies) but it’s also fun to think about in the context of the role model/fan framing-- so many worshippers give their lives to be “chosen” by him. it’s easily framed as an exaggeration of otherwise very real power imbalances and often the flagrant breaching of boundaries existing between creators and fans.

and on the subject of the VOID...ohht he void.....

the void should be a haven for queer folks. for nd folks. it’s wanted by so many to be a safe space, it should be, it’s the Other World! it’s renounced by the abbey, crusaded against, even. but it isn’t. it’s just this limitless, eons-old horizon that hungers and starves for something to fill it. if the outsider is the lament of queer idolatry, the void is the lament of queer Hunger. it is roaming, and restless. it does not belong to the outsider; the outsider cannot survive without it. it’s the desire to belong, not a place of belonging.

the void craves this idol, this outsider-- i, for one, have often experienced hunger for a truly moral and just role model, someone to make the world Right, and i know this is another shared feeling. those who worship the outsider, who drive themselves mad trying to see him or be chosen by him, are suffering from this idol hunger. you see this in a lot of queer and nd kids and young adults. i grew up just having my life and interests like, punctuated by different fixations on different people that i didn’t know at all, only fell in love with the idea of. it happens a lot.

there’s a couple more doto quotes that really highlight this for me:

"They carve my mark into the old bones bleached by the sun. They carve my mark into their skin. They learn true hunger in the Void." "All these charms, these runes and fetid offerings on shrines made for me, will be nothing more than objects worn of meaning. Bones and dead things, thrown into the dirt."

“They learn true hunger in the Void.” is something that i wanna touch on real quick. people can spend their lives obsessing over the idea of what they think the void will cure for them, will fix in their lives, only to find out that it’s just a hollow manifestation of the emptiness they’ve felt all their lives. it’s not the needs met, but the need itself. you have to make the home, it doesn’t already exist and you can’t fucking run to it. it is heartbreaking, frustrating, one of the bleakest messages i’ve ever encountered in a game, but i’ve never felt more seen. by submitting to these ideas, the idea of a perfect unhuman human and the idea of a perfect otherworldly home, you are surrendering your humanity. you’re not only being transformed by the powers gained (if they are gained), you’re essentially dissolving with hunger after never having these needs met. you see so many people in these games whittling themselves down to nothing but base need. empty apartments occupied only by shrines, sometimes containing their corpses. journals of people dedicating their lives to the worship of the outsider, always ending darkly.  "I will find this empty place. Somehow the key to open the Void will fall into my hands. In time, I will learn the secret and he will call to me as he called to her."

not to mention The New Envisioned-- prolonged exposure to the void will always, without fail, turn a human into silver void stone. these creatures can no longer interact with or acknowledge the mortal world. they have surrendered themselves to hunger, and cannot be saved. this is celebrated by the cult, honored by them, even. i honestly like....i pity them, and i hate them, and i recognize that i’ve been those people, lmao. when i was at my worst as a teenager, i wasnt so much a person as i was just a shell full of hunger and heartbreak. my personality was defined by who i was a fan of. i think i definitely was Less Human then. the cult of the outsider is a universal experience!!

dishonored, at its core, is a celebration of humanity. it asks you to celebrate human emotion and weakness despite greed and bigotry. the powers are not to be wanted, they are to be ignored, refused. it is human to hunger, but it is Queer and Divergent to make hunger your life’s meaning, to need to learn the secret, find the key, be chosen and loved and cherished, to be made whole by some perfect thing. to find your humanity in something un-human. dishonored sees all that, mourns it with you, and then asks you to find humanity in each other !! love the spine of your lover, the blood draining down the docks, the pause to stretch languidly in the sun of a work day.

and finally...on the topic of outsider shipping....i dont think that, in his god form, it does him much justice to be shipped with anyone. he’s not much of a person, just a projection of his former self and a vehicle for his allegory as discussed-- im sure he could be shipped like this, but it just isn’t satisfying to me in any way. however, let’s talk a bit about his lethal and nonlethal ending. DOTO asks you to make a choice. is it better to give him an abrupt and merciful ending, after deciding that the fury he’s endured at the hands of others’ famine is too much trauma for any mortal to live with? or will you decide that it’s only fair to give him a chance to live the life he never got to, to return his humanity that was taken without his consent? if you choose to free him from the void, i think you can very very easily make the argument that he can be shipped with corvo, or anyone else that can easily be shipped w/ ppl. he’s finally free to live his life as a queer man, can explore the simple and complex joys of being human with other people, navigate the hills and valleys he never got to before. corvo’s just a nice pick bc 1) experienced human/inexperienced human is good, 2) they know each other, but they don’t. this is a good setup. 3) corvo is an older queer man and uhh you cant convince me otherwise lol! and older queer/younger queer is a self indulgence for me. also corvo is just nice. i think he would enjoy helping the outsider navigate his new humanity.

just some thoughts i have running through my head all hours of the day :) this is really long cuz its a combination of a lot of infodumps from discord lmfao