#Killian Jones analysis

[jackiestarsister]

"A Time for Everything" new chapter: "Warmth"

This chapter covers the events of Once Upon a Time Episode 4x02, "White Out." Hook and David must get along as they race against the clock to free Emma from an ice cave. Afterward, Hook is invited to stay while Emma recovers.

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[killianxswan]

ouat writers really could not have been more serious about the crystal used in robin's sacrifice. they made it very clear that the victim will be dead. gone. obliterated. forever.

meanwhile killian defies all odds, walks out of hell, meets the god of all gods who is a certified captain swan shipmate™️, and is home in time for the post funeral pot luck at granny's.

[booksteaandtoomuchtv]

Hey there. Guess who is still thinking about Breaking Glass? "May I have the honour?" He asks. And in those lines, he has ruined me for any other OTP. The fact he calls it an honour. An honour for her to open up another layer. An honour to see the girl he will never get to meet but still loves because she is the woman he loves today. An honour to see more of her story. An honour to peek over those walls.

Look at how nervous she is as she hands the box over to him. She keeps her eyes averted. She doesn't know what to expect, because she has never opened up like this before.

He, however, has not stopped looking at her. Our Consent King is giving her every opportunity to bail out. He is also checking in on her. He knows she doesn't let those walls down easily, so he is watching for any indication that this is not something she is okay with.

Jaw set. Emma is uncomfortable but she is going to let him in. She's also terrified by what his response will be. She knows what she sees in this meagre collection; but what will Killian see? What will he think? What will she do with his reactions? This is new territory for her.

The moment before she sees his reaction. But, we see it. Look at the joy on that man's face! He is seeing more Swan and he couldn't be happier. This is what she kept. These are meaningful and happy things that she's held on to. I imagine that he is imagining the girl who would hold these things dear.

Emma has seen his reaction. He isn't pitying her. He isn't passing any comment or judgment on her offerings. He isn't running from her. He is DELIGHTING in her and in this moment. She is smiling, you can see the relief of the burden lifted from her shoulders.

The absolute delight in this smile. She is sharing with him, Emma let him into the softest part of her and it is beautiful and perfect. She let HIM see. She trusts him - which is a lot harder than getting her to love him.

She's pleased, relieved, and almost a bit... contented? Almost as if she is thinking "What was I expecting? Of course, he gets it."

[caliburn-the-sword]

ranking ouat characters by how likely they are to lose a finger in a swordfight

preface: i'm gonna be poking fun at these funky little characters for fun, but i really appreciate how the show gives them distinct fighting styles!!! it both sets them apart both literally and by personality, as well as setting them up for interesting fights as different characters are pit up against different characters!!! that's really cool.

now, before i start, YES, a lot of things are gonna sound like an innuendo. get your laughs out about it now. if you make a dirty joke, i promise i will be in your walls <3

anyway, as i've mentioned in a previous post, my experience in swordfighting is in using wooden training sword , which weighs just under a kilo. i typically use this for the fancy, pretty looking stuff like patterns. in actual sparring, i'm using what's essentially a plastic pipe covered in foam which if i had to estimate weighs a quarter of a kilo MAX). a proper real metal sword, depending on the length, is gonna be somewhere just under or over a kilo. so contrary to all your fantasy novels or movies, you're not gonna pick up a sword and be like "oh shit that's heavy i can't even heft it up". you will very easily be able to pick up that sword. it only becomes heavy once you've done a lot of swinging it around, carried it for a while, etc. adrenaline can carry you through maybe the first three minutes, and then your exhaustion will hit you, and then you're gonna be carried by your own endurance primarily, but yes this does build strength so believe me when i say that all the ouat characters are canonically quite strong (but you didn't need me to tell you that lmao).

Last place: David

HIS SWORD THROW IS SO IMPRESSIVE. you will most likely end up very unarmed having missed the enemy and very at the mercy of your enemy who still has their sword. luckily for him IT WAS COOL AS FUCK that i won't be considering that a point of deduction, ESPECIALLY because he would have hit regina if she couldn't teleport.

now let me just say, his circle work??? very good indeed. he can take multiple enemies in a fight. he absolutely will NOT trip over his feet and get killed in that way.

now, i understand the flair for the dramatic in big, overarm swing type movements. i've got two concerns: first of all, how far he extends his arm when swinging his sword. he's opening himself to get his hand cut off, getting stabbed, etc. secondly, when you extend your hand that far and suddenly have to block a strike??? it's essentially the strength of your arm vs the strength of your opponent's ENTIRE body. you do NOT want that.

he also has a tendency to blend hand to hand combat with swordfighting, yikes. when swordfighting, a main advantage is your REACH and how much DISTANCE you're able to keep. david is essentially throwing all that away to get closer and throw in a couple elbows. he's gonna get himself very stabbed that way.

occasionally, he also does a big spinny thing and can i say PLEASE don't turn your back on your opponent you're ITCHING to get stabbed. interesting note: when he uses a two handed grip, he tends to swing like a baseball bat.

judgement: at best, he's lost a hand. at worst, he's dead.

Killian Jones

not even 0.5 seconds into his first fight with rumpelstiltskin, SIR WHAT WAS THAT WINDUP??? YOU'RE NOT THROWING A BASEBALL. after that he's got a decent fencing style. he keeps his free hand close to his body, where he doesn't risk it getting cut off. i'm concerned when he advances that he makes his stance TOO long. since this is a one on one fight, that's fine, but if he was fighting multiple people at once he would be taken out by being TRIPPED. that said it's still good that he advances and places pressure on his opponent. solid technique. HELP HE JUST DID THE WORST GLANCE EVER. rumpelstiltskin's sword was STILL UP and KILLIAN WAS ALREADY LOWERING HIS SWORD. THIS IS HOW YOU GET SLASHED IN THE CHEST. random wide swings???? i appreciate that he ACTUALLY aims for vital points, unlike literally everyone else on this damn show. killing someone pretty much stops YOU from getting killed, so his survival prospects have just increased despite everything.

killian has a GREAT ability to disarm his enemies. disarming your enemies = not being killed.

his movements in his fight with emma are ALL wide and dramatic. is he showing off???? i hate to say it but if YOU have a sword and someone is trying to tackle you, you should STAB them so that you don't risk losing your sword, impaling yourself, or your opponent getting your sword. horny bastard.

HE DID A DRAMATIC SPIN. JAIL. and wasting time gloating?? surefire way to give your opponent opportunities. he's lucky emma was never aiming for the kill to begin with, and was quite inexperienced.

we see VERY wide swings in the neverland arc too.

does not have a very strong stance when fighting blackbeard </3 killian being capable of using his hook to reinforce blocks by placing it down the edge of his blade is AMAZING. i don't know how to explain this, but when you're gripping the handle of your sword with two hands, you are pushing against a single point. when he holds the handle with one hand and braces the other end of the sword with his hook, the force is more evenly spread, making it stronger. the only way i can think of achieving that with two hands is by bracing against the flat of the blade, and by god i am NOT risking that EVEN tho it's just a plastic pipe covered in foam LMAO.

idc about the context you are absolutely NOT striking towards someone's feet. don't do that. very impractical, even if you're trying to force them to step somewhere.

anyway he's pretty decent at taking multiple opponents at a time, tho i do prefer charming's circle work.

judgement: this is so long BECAUSE HE'S SO DAMN INCONSISTENT. i noticed that past season 5 he gets back to being more consistent and fency. so i think it's during high emotional states when he starts going wide. unfortunately the big thing with fighting is you gotta be able to BALANCE your emotion or you're gonna slip up like hell. i REALLY wanted to rank him higher than i did (it was honestly very close between him and snow white) because like i mentioned, he doesn't hold back and has great disarming skills, however i find him too inconsistent to be reliable. catch him on a bad day (he has a lot of those) and he's sloppy. so yeah.

Snow White

she doesn't have as many swordfighting scenes as other characters, but she's quite promising. i won't fault her for kicks, even tho i personally wouldn't risk it, because she isn't getting up close and personal like an elbow would (looking at david). she has a tendency to get low, which like major no no. mega yikes. you lose all your reach with that. i'd like to commend her for being able to get BEHIND her enemies quite often. anytime you can manage to NOT be where your opponent is pointing their sword is a pretty good one. however she also likes to spin, and you know how i feel about that. she doesn't swing too dramatically (like the others before her on the list), and she tends to put more of her body behind her slashes and parries rather than using her arm to tank it all which i really appreciate. i also REALLY noticed her grip (in a good way). mainly because i couldn't watch her footwork. that goes hand in hand with my previous point, you gotta have a good grip to put your body behind in strikes. i would say her biggest risk is getting her hand chopped off, but otherwise i reckon she fares quite well.

Number 1: she's an icon, she's a legend, and she IS the moment Emma Swan

really appreciate emma also managing the sword toss. anyway, tbf what i'm judging rn is one of her earliest swordfighting scenes GIRL DON'T DUCK UNDER A SWORD?? DON'T GET LOW FIRST OF ALL, AND SECONDLY IF YOU MISJUDGE YOU LOSE YOUR HEAD. please DODGE or PARRY or BLOCK. emma has the same big swinging problem as david. IF YOU LOSE YOUR SWORD DON'T GET CLOSER GET FURTHER. IDC HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HANDS ON HOOK, THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET STABBED. then she CRAWLS (turning her back on her opponent) for her sword instead of JETTING IT. girl a sword is gonna do you no good when you're ON THE GROUND YOU CAN'T SWING OR STAB FOR SHIT. now if you pull up the clip and see her FIRST strike once she gets on her feet again, first of all: SHE WASN'T EVEN AIMING FOR ANY VITAL SPOT SHE SWUNG LIKE HALF A FOOT FROM HIS HEAD. secondly that grip is giving me second hand embarrassment. what is that.

next significant swordfight we see is with gold in season 4. her fencing-like stance?? cool. she is NOT leaving her torso or neck open to any stabbing whatsoever. she kept her free hand close to her body for a SIGNIFICANT portion of that fight which is AMAZING. homegirl is NOT risking her hand getting cut off. slay. also, when she's going for power, she has a two handed grip and puts her ENTIRE body behind the thrust. very impressed. she's also got GREAT footwork and she is putting PRESSURE on gold by advancing and pushing him back.

now, in her fights with gideon, she does a lot of very awkward and stiff two handed grip. girl PLEASE do not get lower to glance off, step to the SIDE. she falls back into big wide swings but she was going through something. i KNOW that's contradictory to what i said about killian, but EVERY other time she has powered through and this is the exception.

judgement: as much as i was making fun of her, we only see a few blunders most of which she was always going to survive because of how big a simp hook, not to mention those were within her first few DAYS of having a sword. she then went on to become who i think is the best swordfighter in the whole show, so emma clears all

[a-rose-for-gold]

“The Crocodile”

Okay. I was typing a reblog and it somehow became a rant/spiel, so I’m making a whole post about it.

“The Crocodile” Episode? I know a this isn’t exactly an unpopular opinion, but I’mma say it anyway.

Hook and Milah. Had. It. COMING.

Granted - Hook became cool eventually. But I hated him for a LOT of the series on the grounds of his first impression alone.

Like it’s one thing to run off with a man’s wife. Rumple and Milah weren’t in love and the marriage wasn’t a good one. She put zero effort into their family and taking her off their hands may arguably have been better for everyone.

Seriously. Fuck Milah.

Spinner Rumple tried so hard to be a good husband and father, or at least to make their family work in a loveless marriage, and he deserved better.

But in spite of that, what Hook did to him on the ship crossed so many lines and he totally deserved to get owned for it.

Let’s review:

Concerned husband boards a pirate ship to beg for his wife back, thinking she’s been abducted. Right off the bat: That right there took courage. It always pisses me off when OUAT characters call Spinner Rumple a coward, because he really wasn’t. The world put him through it and he was doing his damn best. Just showing up to the ship of bloodthirsty pirates, knowing that literally all he could do was beg and hope for the best, took guts.

Back to Hook. So this poor guy shows up to ask for his wife back unharmed. And shy of actually hurting Rumple, Hook decides to do quite possibly the cruelest thing he could have done:

Keep letting the spinner think that his wife had been taken against her will and that she was being raped by the whole crew.

If Milah was in on the lie, then in my opinion SHE was the cowardly one here. Not Rumple. You want to abandon your disabled husband and son to run off and live the high life with a pirate? Own your shit.

But no. Instead they pushed the blame onto Rumple and gaslit this poor man into thinking it was somehow his fault.

Yeah - Rumple didn’t pick up the sword when Hook challenged him to a duel over Milah. But let’s think about that for a sec shall we?

We have Rumplestiltskin: An older wool spinner with a disability. Who can’t walk all that well WITH his walking stick - much less without it, on a boat, and during a fight with a sword. Which he’s barely held in his life unless you count the crash-course he got as fodder- I mean a new recruit, when he was drafted into the Ogres War.

Versus Captain Jones: A younger, taller, stronger pirate. An experienced swordsman, comfortable on a ship, and with two good legs. AND with a loyal crew of OTHER strapping pirates who would probably kill Rumple even if by some miracle he DID take Hook by surprise or something.

So really, Rumple had two options here.

Option A: Refuse to fight the bloodthirsty pirate, leave with your life but without your wife, and return home to your now motherless son.

Option B: Fight the bloodthirsty pirate, probably die or at least get badly injured (which could be death within a few days-weeks anyway given his financial situation and living conditions), the pirate takes your wife anyway, and your son is left an orphan who may or may not ever know what happened to you.

So there was no realistic scenario here where he fights off the pirates like a dashing hero and carries his wife home.

What else was he supposed to do?!

Rumplestiltskin is extremely smart. He always was. He knows when to pick his battles and he would have known all of that at a glance.

Refusing to fight wasn’t cowardice. It was common sense.

And yet Hook, this mothafucka, who must have realized all of this too and put Rumple in this situation in the first place, had the gall to act disgusted about it when Rumple refused to “fight like a man.” And then gaslit him into thinking that he was a coward and a fool for making what was obviously the more rational decision.

Now Hook is a pirate. I never would have expected much from him. But that’s no excuse. What he did was fucked. And karma is a bitch.

Stupid Game = Stupid Prize

And yes I know this is a pretty commonly held opinion so it shouldn’t be new to anyone but I rewatched that episode recently and needed to get this off my chest. 😤

[spock-in-awe]

Hey, so, I made up a term and wrote a whole thing. Hope you enjoy.

Inspired by the concept of liminal spaces, liminal space characters are narratively stuck, their subjectivity seemed rendered inert. They are resistant to transiting to the next phase, on the brink of possible transformation if only they could figure out the how of transforming. However, this arrested character growth is designed by skillful hands to be temporary, and the resulting arc of change is heightened by that seemingly fixed–and problematically so–starting place.

An inherent trope among these characters is a bridging multiple worlds, identities, or contexts. They inhabit an “in-between,” a space of discomfort, uncertainty, waiting, and denial (relating to the personal, the public, or reality itself). Narratively, there might be an impending change on their horizon that they work to avoid, sacrificing pieces of their own ethical system to reach that aim. They might be running from their past actions, straddling multiple spheres of existence, or haunted by what they’ve done but unable to face the consequences. Others might be so committed to completing a task bestowed upon them they barely assess whether they are capable of even doing so. In worse emotional places are those characters who complete the task set before them, only to realize it was a horrible mistake.

At the root is their relationship to subjectivity. Who directed their understanding of self? When did that occur? Was it purposefully manipulative or purely environmental? To move through the liminal space, they must define their own subjectivity, and take control of their own identities after being buffeted by expectation, lineage, or limited opportunities.

One of the most persuasive liminal space characters of the last ten years is Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, in the Star Wars universe. He is born under incredibly traumatic circumstances, his lineage being a splinter of the light side and the dark. Impossibly high expectations are thrust upon him before he enters the world, so too is a sinister invasion intended to corrupt him in the womb. He is purposefully kept ignorant of his grandfather’s actions, deprived of an opportunity to come to terms with the damage wrought those decades prior. Ben’s parents don’t quite notice how calculating the dark side is, or avoid doing anything about this understanding, until they send him to his uncle’s Jedi Temple. Even under his Master-level uncle’s observation, Ben struggles to integrate everything that is seemingly at odds inside him; the pull to the light, the pressure of the dark. Consequently, he is left in a state of fractured identity, split between what is acceptable and unacceptable, unable to find his place in a galaxy ruled by strict binaries. This tension boils to the surface as rage, violence, hopelessness, and subservience to those he turns after his family members fail him.

Another excellent example is Spock in the Star Trek universe. He is born half human, half Vulcan, a duality that leads to lifelong struggles not only within himself, but in the galaxy, as well. While he must suppress his emotions through training and social expectation, his internal system of rationality is encouraged during his childhood on Vulcan. Despite his father’s choice to partner with a human woman, Sarek seems to resent Spock’s individuality. In Vulcan schools, Spock is bullied by his peers for that part of his identity of which he has no control. In a more recent iteration of Star Trek, it is revealed that Spock also has a form of dyslexia, setting him further apart from those he might otherwise find a connection with. He is a unique individual, someone whose adversities aren’t recognized by those he encounters–let alone seen and validated–and so he is left to find a balance within himself with little support. His world is also one of defined boundaries, clear parameters for acceptable behaviors. This path isn’t easy for him, especially when he seeks to relate to those he finds himself drawn to, or forced to spend time with. Depending on the era of Star Trek, he deflects the advances of those around him, or falls under the influence of an alien biologic, for example, wherein he is allowed to express emotions, and later confesses that being under the pollen’s influence was the only time he felt happy.

Both these examples share a commonality: they are pushed a certain direction in response to family obligation, social expectation, or environmental constraints. This can even go as far as childhood abuse or neglect that carries on through their lives. From the clay of their childhood experiences, the liminal space characters are taught it doesn’t matter what they want for themselves; they must accept and perform an identity according to what people around them dictate as acceptable. For Ben Solo, it is dutiful Padawan to his own detriment, while as Kylo Ren, he is a conflicted tool used by those he bows to. Spock defaults to appearing as a distanced and capable science officer, hiding any internal tumult he may experience. Both have suffered for their struggles and crave relief.

For some, there is a distinct lack of agency often assigned, something that happened at the start of their journey that was entirely out of their control. Ji-Ah, a liminal space creature from Lovecraft Country, is possessed by a spirit that wreaks havoc on those she encounters. She did not consent to the spirit’s arrival–her mother invited it in for reasons all her own–and the human Ji-Ah loses her identity in the process. What is intriguing about this arc is how the spirit is the one to change, not the negated human within. That person was lost, replaced by a spirit who transforms for the better.

San, from Princess Mononoke, was abandoned by her parents in the forest. She was discovered by the Wolf Clan, whose leader Moro takes the human child in as her own to raise entirely as if she were a wolf. As San grows up with deep hatred of humans, she must confront the truth of her existence; that she comes from them, was abandoned by them, and now commits her life to stopping their destruction of the natural world. Her transition through the liminal looks similar to her starting place, living as a wolf, yet her internal conflict finds resolution through connecting with a human man she can trust.

To achieve their goals (which are usually not intrinsically motivated but outwardly so), they may suppress their innate tendencies. These often include compassion, empathy, tenderness, or caretaking. This leads to immense conflict, both externally as they aim to reach certain objectives, or internally as they combat or try to eliminate this intense intrinsic struggle. This conflict may cause violent behaviors, mental instability, or emotional chaos. When these characters are coded as “villains,” they often cause intense harm to others and themselves. They do this usually out of desperation to survive, to fit in, or perhaps to avoid perceived judgement. Depending on the narrative, they are given an opportunity to make amends for this harm. But usually in western media, they are not redeemed, let alone offered the chance to atone for the damage they inflicted while they struggled to actualize as their true selves.

The heroic versions, of which the Star Trek universe has many, benefit from extra layers of character depth, which offers an arc that builds effectively over several seasons. Whether it is an android who observes humans around himself and wishes to emulate their mannerisms, or a previous human-machine hybrid forced to sever herself from the greater machine organism, these characters depend on the external to define their identities. It takes much longer for them to find that truth within themselves.

Other characters fall into a middle ground between villain and hero coding. One such example is Ed Teach, or Blackbeard, in Our Flag Means Death. He inhabits the world as a fulfillment of his own stereotypes and exaggerations. He claims to care about little and presents a bravado to match the fearsome illustrations in history books. But eventually we see his immense dissatisfaction with the role he has been performing. His liminal space, similar to the rest, is that of moving away from this project front toward authenticity.

Joel Miller, a character originated in the Last of us video game and portrayed in a streaming show of the same name, begins as a regular man. He has a daughter, a brother, a job. It is only because of horrifying circumstances that he is forced to transform. He makes himself cold, violent, and ruthless. There can be no remainder of his previous self. Until he encounters someone to protect, and protect, he does, much to his own aggravation. His circumstances are some of the most dramatic across narratives, and how he integrates, or fails to integrate, his warring selves has fascinated audiences for over a decade.

Neither of these previous two examples have conclusions in their streaming narratives at this point. Both are left on the cliffhanger of violence, of rejection of social expectation around them. Both revert to a previous state of being, but in different ways: Ed to his Blackbeard persona, Joel to his protective father role. Whatever results from these decisions (however conscious or reactionary they are), is inconsequential. And therefore, potentially read as villainous once more, buckling under the pain of the past and fear of that suffering’s return.

The character Spike in Buffy the Vampire Slayer willingly suffers for his previous actions. Over time, he begins to recognize what he has done, takes action to make amends, and fights for his redemption. Though by the closure of the show he is deprived of what he most craves–connection–his final actions are entirely the opposite of his original ones. He countered the vampire tendencies within himself, found wholeness, and dedicated himself to a goal that was selfless.

As Spike was for some time, these characters can be confused about where they belong and crave that understanding and connection. There is a deep ache to be understood, though few of them acknowledge this desire. In fact, many go out of their way to deny it, to pretend otherwise. 

The character of Nimona, originating in the graphic novel of the same name, traverses the murky landscape of being a shape shifter. She camouflages her deep interest in finding a companion by presenting herself as a “sidekick,” someone for the villain mastermind to rely on and trust. She is uncertain of herself, carrying the wounds of centuries past, convincing herself that violence and domination are paramount. When she bonds with her new friend in unexpected ways, her deeper needs rise to the surface. But these are frightening. It is only when she is shown radical acceptance and safety does she integrate her various parts at the end of the story.

Killian Jones in Once Upon a Time jostles between presenting his desires in a joking manner, and hiding them beneath layers of anger. He is bound by revenge and denies anything in conflict with that goal. His swagger is an exaggeration, a front or projection, which is a common detail across these stories. If he claims to be a heartless villain, no one will discover just how victimized he once was.

These characters may herald chaos or drama within the narrative, amusement or disquiet for the audience. A character like Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series is written from the outset as a direct–if youthful–antagonist. Yet later in the story, insight into his wounded mental and emotional state arrives, eliciting the reader’s compassion. He was inculcated in an environment of bigotry and toxic superiority, of which he must decide personally to move beyond. 

Liminal space characters can appear unique in their behaviors and presentations when compared to those around them. Perhaps this is because of a heightened defensiveness, or anxiety, or refusal to engage with typical romantic situations. 

For those who are deliberately off-putting and aggressive, sarcastic and aloof, or extremely isolated by design, the audience must confront their own biases, as well. When the narrative is effective, we as consumers may empathize with these struggling individuals. We may understand why they have taken the steps they have, protected themselves, lashed out at others. 

What I love most about liminal space characters is the potential for them to heal the dueling perspectives within themselves. These characters at some point must question themselves, and when done successfully, the audience does the same: How capable are we of forming our sense of self? What does harm look like? How do we live with our mistakes? How do we shape ourselves? Is it possible to make a new choice after a long pattern of harmful behaviors? Where does this character go after discovering they have wronged so many? When is that redemptive effort enough?

Both the characters questioning themselves, and not questioning themselves (ie following external demands), may lead to feelings of loneliness and rejection. Prince Zuko of Avatar the Last Airbender rotates entirely around his father’s acceptance, and whatever he must do in order to receive it, he will. There is no cost too high, and he questions nothing. Until he stumbles into a bond with a supposed adversary, which begins to shift his perspective. This is a common trope within these stories, as well, the mirror opposite coming into sharp relief by comparison.

Frustratingly, there are far more male-presenting liminal space characters than female ones in the duality of Western media, so the “adversary” is often portrayed as female (I’m optimistic this will change as more diverse writers share their stories). In a compulsory heterosexual context, there is potential for romance, as well. This is perceived in the canon text and also by fans through their own stories. An opposing character–such as Kitara in Avatar the Last Airbender, Rey in the last Star Wars trilogy, or Captain Kirk in Star Trek–may help these liminal space characters realize they are not a lost soul, no longer a victim to their circumstances. They can offer an opposing viewpoint: what if you took a different path? You’re not required to stay this way. It’s never too late.

Hope gives the liminal space characters the sense they can make new choices and change. Hope is the kernel, the light slanting through clouds, the assurance nothing is permanent, not even a limbo state of the mind.

[tavtiers]

uh i scrolled through your almost whole blog and havent seen Prince of Time im dont insist bu omfg please i want to hear it from you

The Prince of Time [symbols: crown, gear]

The Prince class has its basis in Machiavelli's The Prince. An example would be Prince Hamlet from the Shakespeare play.

The Time aspect’s main themes are endings and destruction. You can find its official description here.

A Prince of Time is among those who alter physical existence. This is the “classpect group” they belong to. Members include: the Sylph, Maid, Bard, and Prince of Space/Time. These classes are all opposites or inverses of each other that alter the Space/Time dichotomy (physical existence). A description of classpect groupings can be found here.

The Prince of Time actively destroys the Time aspect. Active classes tell themselves what to do and do so for their own benefit. They are more likely to stand up for themselves, but more likely to be cruel. Princes and Bards destroy their aspect and everything it symbolizes, while using that same aspect as a weapon. In doing so, they leave their opposite aspect in their wake. Due to their actions, they come across as their opposite aspect. Simplified, the Prince of Time is motivated by themselves to destroy endings and destruction. In personality, they come across as the Space aspect, seemingly defined by creation and beginnings.

On the subject of personality, the Prince of Time wants to have control over things and has a strong desire for closure. Personality descriptions can be found here.

Their archetype is the Promised Harbinger, defined by control, endings, and destruction. Archetypes are explained here.

Their opposite is the Bard of Space, who passively destroys creation and beginnings. 

Their inverse is the Sylph of Space, who passively assists creation and beginnings. 

A classpect or “god tier” is an individual’s best self. All classpects go through a journey from unrealized, to struggle, to realized. When a character is unrealized, they neutrally exist as their inverse. On their struggle, they will wildly flip back and forth between their inverse and true classpect. In their worst moments they will act as their inverse, in their best their true classpect. When realized, they will stabilize as their true classpect. They will still have room to grow, but will become happier, more successful people. 

This means that the Prince of Time begins life motivated by others to assist creation and beginnings. When their struggle arrives and they are at their worst, they will continue this behavior in negative extremes. However, when at their best, they will find purpose in instead destroying endings and destruction for themselves. When realized, they will stabilize and continue to destroy the Time aspect actively, in a positive way.

They share their archetype with the Witch of Blood, the Harbinger Promised. 

The Prince of Time would quest on a planet similar to the Land of Space [Opposite Aspect] and Time [Aspect]. An example would be the Land of Stardust and Clockwork. An explanation of planet naming conventions can be found here. 

Two possible gods, or denizens, to reign over their planet would be Chronos (God of Time) or Hephaestus (God of the Forge). Other Time aspect denizens can be found here. 

When the Prince of Time completes their planet quests and dies on their quest bed, they would rise to ascension on the wings of crows (symbols of death). A list of soul animals can be found here.

The characters that I have currently classpected as Princes of Time are: the Sixth Doctor from Doctor Who, Delgado Master from Doctor Who, Ra's al Ghul from Batman, Dorian Pavus from Dragon Age, Captain Hook from Peter Pan, Hook from Once Upon a Time, and Prince Hamlet from Hamlet.

If any of the links not connected to my blog break, the content can be found on my Google Drive.

Official Aspect Descriptions Personality Descriptions Aspect Denizens

[kazoosandfannypacks]

We need to talk about Killian Jones, specifically his actions in Season 6, Episode 4: The Strange Case.

At the climax of the episode, Belle is trapped on the Jolly Roger with Dr. Jekyll, who is bent on killing her to make the Dark One pay. Said Dark One watches helplessly as it all goes down, and just when it seems like all hope is lost, Killian Jones swoops in and kills Jekyll, saving the day and Belle.

At first glance, this story sounds pretty similar, doesn't it? Someone on the Jolly Roger trying to kill Belle to make Rumplestiltskin pay for what happened to the woman he loved? Sounds like something a certain Killian Jones did way back in season 2.

And that's part of what makes this moment so important. Killian Jones has gone from trying to kill her to saving her life from people who want to kill her for the same reason he once did. This is development. This is growth. This is looking at the man he once was and being disgusted by him, horrified by him, not wanting to see any trace of him left in the world. This is proof of redemption.

But it goes so much deeper than that too, because Jekyll's story is not meant to parallel Killian's. Jekyll's story was never about "Rumplestiltskin killed the woman I love." No, Jekyll's story was "the woman I loved chose someone else, and I killed her for it." Jekyll's story didn't parallel Killian's- at least, not nearly as closely as it paralleled Rumplestiltskin's.

Killian Jones never got justice for what Rumplestiltskin did. He never avenged Milah- but, whether or not he knew it, he avenged Mary Lydgate, who died for the same crime Milah died for- who was murdered because she wanted to love whoever she chose.

So when I think of what Killian did in this episode, I know he didn't just do it for Belle- and he didn't just do it for himself, or for his family, or even for Hyde or for Mary- I think, in avenging Mary's death, he finally got to bring honor to Milah's name as well.

Because even though Milah's blood was never avenged, Mary Lydgate's was.

[themattress]

THE TOP 5 BEST AND WORST DEEDS OF ONCE UPON A TIME’S MAINSTAY VILLAINS

THE EVIL QUEEN (REGINA): 1. Confronting Tinker Bell - The first wholly altruistic, no-strings-attached deed Regina does in the show’s present-day narrative happens early into Season 3, where she splits from the rest of the “Nevengers” in Neverland in order to confront Tinker Bell, who plans to murder her. Regina risks her own life, fully accepting the fact that she might die and probably deserves to, in order to convince Tinker Bell to help the rest of her group save Henry. And afterwards, she even reconnects with Tinker Bell as a friend, in full honesty. It’s a legit great moment for her.

2. Atonement on the Town Line - In order to stop Peter Pan’s out-of-control Dark Curse from killing everyone, Regina reverses the effects of her original Dark Curse so that it cancels it out. This means that she and everyone else from the Enchanted Forest will return there, and she has to give up Henry, since he and Emma will stay behind and forget everything. She does so gracefully, and even gifts Emma and Henry with good memories of a life where Emma never gave Henry up for adoption. She even accepts that she was a villain and that this painful personal sacrifice is karma for her years of atrocities. Damn it, why couldn’t she have just stayed like this!? Her character regression did no-one any favors, least of all her.

3. Evil vs. Wicked - The writing for it may not have always been the best, but everything that Regina did in Season 3′s second story arc as she and the others struggled against Zelena was totally on the up and up. Splitting Snow White and Charming’s hearts so that the latter could survive, not succumbing to her obsession with Henry and being willing to forge a new type of relationship with him, training Emma in magic, opening herself up to a new romance with Robin Hood, defending Snow from Cora’s wrathful spirit, and ultimately saving the day while also sparing her half-sister’s life in order to give her the same kind of second chance she got....all of that was good and further showed a Regina that was capable of true nobility.

4. Saving “Maid Marian” - Yeah, I know she technically killed Marian in the original timeline. But in the present day, she saved her life three times: first from a snow monster, then from the freezing curse that Ingrid the Snow Queen put her over, and then insisting that Robin Hood take her across the town line when it looked like staying in Storybrooke was making her deathly ill. Being willing to give up the man she loved to save his other love interest is heroic no matter how you slice it. If only it really had been Marian and that last one not a total con...

5. Partaking in Operation Firebird - While this one certainly could have been better, with her taking an active role in confronting her dead victims and helping them move on, I will begrudgingly admit that her signing on to Operation Firebird in the Underworld and being in support of it at all shows some measure of decency, even if somewhat selfishly motivated. -----------

1. The Huntsman - She ripped the man’s heart out, used it to control him which included raping him, and when he finally defied her as Sheriff Graham in Storybrooke, she crushed his heart, murdering him. That she completely got away with this remains a sore spot for many.

2. Razing Villages - Men, women and children were murdered. Families were torn apart. Hearts were ripped out to create new slaves. And why did she do any of this? For the lolz.

3. Wedding Crasher - I don’t mean Snow and Charming’s wedding; no no, I’m talking about the time she encountered a random civilian wedding being held on her lands without her permission and when the groom tried to apologize for this, she ripped his heart out and crushed it. Killing him in front of his friends, family and now widowed bride. What. The. Hell!?

4. The Failsafe - In the case of the curse breaking and her losing her grip on Storybrooke, Regina prepared what amounts to a magical nuke that would wipe the town and its entire population off the face of the Earth. And she was fully ready and willing to use it, only helping to stop it once it was forcibly taken away from her and used in a way that endangered Henry.

5. Casting the Dark Curse - This one was a given. Killing her own father to enact a curse that would upend the lives of countless people and trap them in a never-ending day-to-day cycle of misery where she reigns supreme over them all, just to satisfy a petty grudge? It’s pretty damn heinous. The only thing worse would be enacting a curse that forcibly merged all realms together without their inhabitants’ consent and her getting to reign supreme over the whole magical universe. But no, that would be way too stupid, so I won’t bother considering it.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN (MR. GOLD): 1. His One Phone Call - When Gold is dying from Dreamshade poisoning inflicted by Hook in the middle of Season 2, he calls an amnesiac Belle on the phone and gives her a heartfelt speech about who she really is and what she meant to him, all for the purpose of providing her with comfort and the strength to carry on living a good life in spite of her memory loss.

2. Embracing his Father - In a deadly embrace. When Peter Pan is about to kill his loved ones, Gold makes the ultimate sacrifice, using his enchanted shadow to root his father to the spot while he thrusts the Dark One Dagger in his back. When Pan tries to tempt him to stop with promises of a happy ending, Gold simply replies that he’s a villain and that villains don’t get happy endings, right before literally twisting the knife and obliterating the both of them.

3. Choosing to Forget - When the Rumple of the past forces a time-traveling Emma to reveal that his son Baelfire dies in the future, he is tempted to alter time in order to prevent that from happening even though it could risk worse things occurring. But when Emma pleads with him to respect his son’s heroic sacrifice and not potentially condemn him all over again, Rumple gives in and drinks a memory potion to forget he ever heard anything of the future.

4. Doing the Right Thing - During the Final Battle, Gold is tempted by both his mother Fiona and the embodiment of the Darkness taking Rumple’s shape to do the wrong thing for the sake of power yet again. But finally realizing he can’t bypass the price of magic, Gold refuses to give in, doing the right thing and saving his son Gideon’s heart...and Emma’s life as well.

5. Unlikely Friendships - As Rumple and later as Weaver, he forges a tight bond of friendship with both Alice/Tilly and her father, Wish Realm Hook/Rogers, looking past the latter’s resemblance to his former nemesis. This friendship ultimately leads him to sacrifice his life to save Rogers from Wish Realm Rumple, even risking not reuniting with Belle in the afterlife because he now knows you do right for right’s sake, not for the sake of a reward. ----------- 1. Killing his wife twice - In a fit of entitled rage when he discovers his wife Mliah left him for a pirate, Rumple rips out her heart and crushes it.  Later, he actually reconciles with her in the Underworld as Gold, only to end up betraying her as part of a deal with Hades - throwing her into the River of Lost Souls which erases her individual personhood; basically re-killing her.

2. Abandoning his son - The act that drove Rumple into complete madness: letting go of his son’s hand and allowing him to fall through a portal to another world, all because he never got past childhood trauma and was too scared of the possibility of living without his power. So much pain and suffering followed for so many people, all because of this one cowardly deed.

3. The Sorcerer’s Hat - Everything that Rumple / Gold did in his quest to harness the power of the Sorcerer’s Hat in the first half of Season 4, both past and present, was an example of the great cruelty and selfishness he is capable of. It was particularly bad in the present, where Gold’s recent trauma at the hands of Zelena convinced him all he can ever be is a villain, and as a result there is no line he’s not willing to cross in his pursuit of absolute power.

4. Beauty and the Domestic Abuser - Yeah, from lying to her in his wedding proposal all the way to trying to force her pregnancy to speed up so that he can kidnap her baby, Gold was the definition of an emotionally and psychologically abusive husband to Belle. Then again, given what he did to his first wife, are we really all that surprised? Stopping short of killing Belle hardly lessens the myriad of other ways he harmed her throughout their marriage.

5  The Darkest Dark One - When there was a real chance to destroy the Darkness once and for all, Gold sabotaged it, betraying the heroes and re-absorbing the Darkness that was now fully charged by the souls of all past Dark Ones, becoming the most powerful Dark One ever. And he has no remorse for it, fully accepting it as proof of the kind of selfish man he truly is.

CAPTAIN HOOK (KILLIAN JONES): 1. Neverland - It was Hook that allowed the Nevengers to reach Neverland in order to save Henry by coming back with the magic bean in the Season 2 finale, Hook who provided the ship they sailed upon, Hook who guided them through the terrain he knew well, Hook who saved David’s life, Hook who was responsible for rescuing Neal, and Hook who followed Emma’s lead at all times to see the mission through to its success. He was excellent here.

2. Bringing Emma Home - Trading his beloved Jolly Roger and his career as a pirate for a magic bean, Hook travels to NYC to restore Emma’s memories so that she can return to Storybrooke and save her family, all for a love that he fully accepts may remain unrequited. 

3. Making Amends - Several times, Hook wrongs someone, only to later redeem himself by fixing his mistakes. Aurora, Belle, David, Neal, Ariel, Ursula, Nemo, Liam...the list goes on.

4. Sacrificing his life four times - First in the alternate reality that Isaac creates in order to buy Emma and Henry time to escape, then in Camelot in order to save Snow’s life, then as Dark Hook in order to vanquish the Darkness and save Emma and her family, and finally in the Underworld where he gives up on ever finding a way to return to the land of the living so that Emma can make it out on time. For Emma and her family, Hook will truly do anything.

5. Repairing the Broken Kingdom - In the Underworld, Hook teams up with the man who killed him, King Arthur, in order to help Emma. He shows Arthur his passionate dedication and nobility, making the king rethink how he lived his life. At one point, Hook even saves Arthur from being dragged into the River of Lost Souls. Together, the two of them play an pivotal role in Hades’ downfall, and because of Hook’s influence, King Arthur goes on to become the new ruler of the Underworld who restores all the lost souls and reshapes the whole despair-ridden realm into a place of hope and healing. Understandably, Zeus deems this proof that Hook is a True Hero, and thus restores him to life so that he may reunite with his True Love, Emma. ----------- 1. Taking Ursula’s Song - A meeting with the mermaid Ursula almost reforms Hook during his villainous years, but then in order to spite her father he steals her singing voice, the thing that brought her the most joy. This leads to Ursula finally snapping and becoming a villain.

2. Killing David’s Father - Hook killed David’s father....who was literally about to be killed anyway....so that he wouldn’t tell anyone he robbed a carriage belonging to King George and killed his soldiers...even though a pirate thrives off reputation and should want his crimes to be known. Yeah, I’m not sure what the Hell went on with this one. It was so fucking dumb.

3. Stealing Aurora’s Heart - In order to restore his alliance with Cora, Hook stole Aurora’s heart while she was sleeping then manipulated her into thinking he was on her side by setting her free. It was all a ruse so that he could give Cora her heart to control her with, allowing the two of them to set a trap for Emma, Snow and Mulan. His smug attitude about pulling it off and his vicious taunting of Emma once she fell into the trap only made this evil deed worse.

4. Shooting Belle - Aboard the deck of the Jolly Roger, Belle convinces Gold to spare Hook’s life, and how does he repay her for this? Shooting her in the back so that she falls across the town line, causing her to lose all her memories. To be fair, he did want to die...

5. Pawn of Darkness - When Emma turned Hook into a Dark One against his will and even attempted to control him with the Dagger, he regressed into his old depressed nihilism and became a willing servant to Nimue’s sinister agenda, crushing Merlin’s heart to enact the Dark Curse and, once back in Storybrooke, bringing the souls of Nimue and the other past Dark Ones to the land of the living in order to exact his revenge on both Gold and Emma.

THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST (ZELENA): 1. Aiding Belle - In the Underworld, Belle comes seeking Zelena’s aid when she wants to be put under a Sleeping Curse so that her baby isn’t born in the Underworld where Hades can take it. Zelena gives it to her out of an unexpected feeling of empathy toward the “bookworm”.

2. Killing Hades - After Hades kills Robin Hood, his Olympian Crystal winds up in Zelena’s hands. Defying his urges for her to kill her sister Regina so that they can “have everything”, Zelena stabs Hades with it, disintegrating him and finally putting an end to his reign of terror.

3. Giving Up Her Magic - When the Black Fairy tricks her into imbuing crystals with her magic that can then be used to produce the fairy dust needed to start the Final Battle, Zelena prevents this from happening by giving up her magic altogether. After having lived in her sister’s shadow for so long, she finally was able to do something Regina was never able to.

4. Crash Course - She hits the Black Fairy with a car. That is all.

5. Motherhood - Under the name of Kelly, Zelena ended up becoming a pretty great mother to Robin / Margot, putting her wicked ways behind her and raising her daughter to be a hero. --------- 1. Her Tyranny in Oz - An obvious one. She’s the Wicked Witch of the West. Duh.

2. The Death of Neal - Tricking Neal into signing his own death warrant in order to have Rumple resurrected was a truly nasty deed, one she never shows any kind of remorse for.

3. Caging Rumple - After killing Neal, Zelena used the Dark One Dagger to enslave the newly resurrected Rumple, keeping him locked up in a cage and doing everything she could to make him feel helpless and vulnerable out of pure sadistic spite, while also kind of forcing herself on him. The trauma this caused him directly led to Gold’s relapse into pure villainy.

4. The Maid Marian Switch - Traveling back in time, Zelena kills an unconscious Marina in order to absorb her appearance into a glamour charm, making herself appear to be her. Returning to the present with Emma and Hook, she then willfully kept Robin Hood and Regina apart and eventually getting herself impregnated by Robin....so, essentially, rape.

5. Helping to Create Dark Hook - In Camelot, Zelena betrayed the heroes and teamed up with King Arthur, which led to the scuffle where Arthur fatally wounded Hook, which led to Emma turning him into a Dark One. In Storybrooke, Zelena is the one who made Hook regain the lost memory of having become a Dark One in order to get back at Emma for kidnapping her and planning to kill her. She even takes advantage of the crisis Dark Hook creates to steal sole custody over her baby away from Regina and Robin Hood, who had previously been generous to allow her to even have a share of custody at all. It’s just all so...wicked.

[jackiestarsister]

"A Time for Everything" now covering Episodes 4x8-4x12

So much happens to Hook in the mid-Season 4 finale, but not enough screentime is given to him and his friends processing it! So, of course, I had to remedy that in my short story cycle, which has four whole chapters about Hook missing his heart and recovering from that traumatic experience.

"Shattered" - on FFN and AO3. With the Snow Queen's spell approaching, Hook is forced to do his archenemy's bidding, and Emma must say goodbye to her loved ones.

"Release" - on FFN and AO3. Gold attempts to crush Hook's heart, and four different princesses help to stop him.

"Wholeheartedness" - on FFN and AO3. After Gold's banishment, Hook comes clean to his friends. Featuring Hook/Belle friendship! (Do they have a ship name? Captain Beauty, perhaps?)

"Heart, Hand, and Hook" - on FFN and AO3. Emma spends the night with Killian, who asks her a surprising question.

[piracytheorist]

Here's your three anonymous questions:

1. In fanfic (reading preference), enemies to lovers or found family?

2. What was your first anime?

3. One fictional character you got obsessed with for an unhealthily long amount of time (you could still be obsessed with them).

I don't really have an answer to that, as I don't usually choose fanfic based on its tropes. If they happen to have one that's fine, but they're not the reason I may choose to read it. That said, I'd rather read a found family story. Enemies to lovers has to be written in a very specific way and very not sexy (I am that kind of asexual, after all) and, considering that one of the most common writing tools used in such stories is the sexual tension between the characters (understandably so)... it doesn't do it for me XD

Technically, Pokemon when I was about six. Though I invested much more in Digimon which came a year later in my country. However, at the age I first watched them, they were just "animated shows" in my eyes, much like shows like Powerpuff Girls or the like. The first anime I watched when I was fully aware what anime is was CardCaptor Sakura, when I was about 13, so in my view that's what I'd call my first anime.

I started getting into Killian Jones from Once Upon a Time somewhere in late 2013, realizing I was full-blown obsessed with him around mid-April 2014 (it was season 3 episode 17 that solidified it for me). The show ended in 2018 and my obsession lived on for about a year or so after that, so that was more than five years of almost continuous obsession. He's still my top blorbo, don't get me wrong (though... I'm leaving room for change. I'm only holding back because SxF is not over. I'm not making any promises Killian will stay the top blorbo after that show is over...), but at least he's kind enough to have given my mind a rest in the past years, so that other characters can take over instead. No matter what, though, he's still the character that brought me to tumblr, which eventually encouraged me into writing meta analysis, actually write and publish my first fanfiction, and he eventually was the reason I connected with many beautiful people over the world, both online and face to face, made me realize and accept things about myself, experience the mental meltdown of meeting your favourite celebrity and hugging for a photoshoot, so no matter what, no matter how much time passes, no matter how many flaws I see now in the way he (and the entire show he was in) was written, no matter if someone surpasses him as top blorbo, he'll always have a special place in my heart.

[booksteaandtoomuchtv]

"And I now see you for what you really are... an anchor."

Okay, but this isn't a lie. Here is why:

Anchors prevent ships from drifting due to wind or water currents. Anchors keep ships on their course. On the sea, a slight departure from your course can take you miles away from your destination. Anchors are so essential to life at sea, that often boats have two in case one is lost!

So...

Emma keeps him on the course that Killian has charted; Killian wants redemption. The Darkness is the strong current, the wind gust, that wants to pull him from his course.

Anchors also provide security, stability, and peace. All things that would cause Killian to turn away from the wants and needs of the Darkness. With these words, the Darkness intends to sever the connection between Killian and his anchor to ensure that he is lost in its waters.

Credit to @kazoosandfannypacks for touching on this a bit in a couple fics and posts as well. :)

[scripted-downfall]

Shades of Morality

I know that there’s a lot of debate about who was “right” and who was “wrong” in the history between Hook and Rumplestiltskin, and I’ve always found the parallels here fascinating, so I’m going to offer up my two cents and hope it’s not overdone. :)  For reference — as promised in my last OUAT post — this will be pulling principally from season 2 episode 4 “The Crocodile” and season 5 episode 14 “Devil’s Due.”

(Let me start by saying that I’m not really going to address the beginning sequence of flashbacks from Devil’s Due — everything we see about Milah and Rumple interacting once he gets home, how they handle Baelfire getting bitten by the snake, etc — because it is very ambiguous.  I’m not sure there is a distinct right or wrong up until a very specific point because which of the couple a viewer identifies with is largely dependent on an individual’s personal values and experiences.  After that ambiguity disappears, it’s because he decides to sell his wife’s — Milah’s at the time, though, in actuality, Belle’s — reproductive rights without talking to her first.  At that point, I disagree with any argument that he was not acting completely and totally in the wrong.  And, once that’s done, Milah absolutely has the right to take time and space for herself at the tavern.)

Instead, I’ll start with the first chronological event we see: when Killian and Milah meet in the tavern… and, as far as I can see it, both individuals acted with honor.  The first seeds of their relationship are sown when Killian knocks out the guy hitting on her when she didn’t want him to be, when Killian talks about a way out of her provincial life (discussing the spices in the air, etc), when he outright offers her a way out… and yet they’re both bound by their own personal codes of honor.  Milah rejects the offer because she has a husband and kid and responsibilities at home, and Killian abides by that because he wouldn’t go against her wishes.

Then we have the scenes in “The Crocodile,” starting out with the scene where Rumple goes with Baelfire to bring Milah back home from the tavern.  This scene is a touch complicated, especially since it’s after years of bitterness and the aforementioned deal with the apothecary.  On the one hand, there’s the fact that Rumple brings Baelfire to a tavern in order to manipulate his wife into coming back to a life where she does most if not all of the work and where it’s a bit rich for him to be accusing her of forsaking responsibility; on the other hand, she’s intentionally cruel to him and has been out of the house for a while despite having a kid.  This goes back to the earlier ambiguity of their day-to-day interactions; there isn’t, for the most part, an outright, objective right or wrong.  She returns to the house and promises to give life with Rumple/Bae “a try.”

The next thing we see, a villager tells Rumple that his wife has been taken by “the men who came into port last week” — aka Killian and his crew — and that they’re about to set sail with her.  And this… this is the scene that I think is often viewed incorrectly.  I know a lot of people who say that this scene is totally rigged against Rumple, that Killian was young and able-bodied while Rumple was neither, that Killian was cruel, etc… and, in some ways, I get it.

I also think, though: that’s the point.  The entire encounter is most assuredly a sham.  A test.

Mainly, because this entire encounter is completely and totally out of character for Killian.  If there’s one thing that can be said for him, it’s that he is absolutely a man of honor.  So, why then does he say, “I’ve had many a man’s wife?”  We know for a fact — albeit post-episodically — that he doesn’t make a practice of starting affairs with married women; as mentioned above, when we see him meet Milah in “Devil’s Due,” all it takes for him to back off is for her to say she has a husband.  The above quote is absolutely not the kind of man he is… but it is the kind of man who might pose a threat to Milah’s safety.  Similarly, “I have a ship full of men who need… companionship.”  The implication here is something that would never stand on Killian’s ship or in Killian’s presence.  The man’s code of honor is inherent to his personality — “good form,” etc — so the fact that there’s something clearly dishonorable being alleged here is important.

So I take the “it was cruel and mean and how dare he” argument and put forth a new one in its place: “it was harsh and effective.”  Milah said she’d give life with Rumple a try, but the main hurdle they had to overcome was his cowardice; she resented being lashed to the village coward, and (judging by the look of sheer surprise when Killian stood up for her in the tavern) hadn’t really had someone fight for her before.  This is also supported by the ending line of that scene; Killian’s scornful of Rumple because he’s a coward, because he wouldn’t fight for his wife.  (And there wasn’t really substantial proof that the duel would be to the death; Killian said Rumple had to fight for her, not that he had to win or kill Killian or any of the above.)  This was a trial by fire to test Rumple’s valor when it came to Milah, and he was willing to walk away with the belief that he was leaving his wife to be served as a favor to a group of pirates.

Now we fast forward.  Rumple is the Dark One; he’s found Killian again; and he purposefully bumps into Killian to provoke him.  To be honest, it’s true; Killian was a bit of a dick here.  He’s working off a code — his basic understanding of what manners should be — but he’s still intoxicated to some degree and definitely jerkish.

Then Rumple reveals himself and asks about Milah before then challenging Killian to a duel… and this is the part that really, to me, settles who is “right” and who is “wrong.”  Because, in essence, Rumple gives Killian the same exact deal — if not a little harsher — than the one Killian had given him, all those years ago.  He requests a duel, though this one is pretty clearly to the death.  There is a power imbalance; Rumple is the bloody Dark One, complete with immortality and magic, while Killian is just a pirate with a cutlass.  There is something at stake if he doesn’t do the fight, but it’s not something intrinsic to his person; in other words, Rumple threatens not Killian’s life but his crew’s lives, similar to the way Killian seemed to be threatening Milah’s wellbeing and not Rumple’s if he didn’t duel.  (This is very important because it means that, if the person being challenged decides to duel, they are taking on personal risk for someone else’s benefit instead of taking on personal risk to avoid personal risk; it’s a selfless decision to duel, whereas the alternative would be more selfish.)

Anyway, it’s the same duel.  (Or, I should say, it’s at least the same duel… I maintain that the power imbalance between immortal magic user and mortal swordsman is a touch more extensive than the imbalance between mortal pirate swordsman and mortal-but-injured trained soldier… And also, there’s the fact that Killian already put himself at risk to protect Milah by telling Rumple that she was dead… Oh, and also the fact that Rumple put in the caveat that Killian had to sit an entire night preparing to die with the ability to run right in front of him even as he didn’t run to protect his crew/Milah… yeah, it was at least the same duel.)

And yet Killian showed up for it.  He showed up with his cutlass exactly at dawn, ready to die to protect Milah/his crew the way Rumple hadn’t been willing to fight for Milah so many years before.  He actually follows through on fighting.  He loses — although, I will point out, that Rumple betrayed any semblance of a code of honor and used magic in the duel, which is (to coin a phrase) bad form — and prepares to die easily, willingly.  And this, people… this is the difference between Killian and Rumple.  When put in the same position — the same trial by fire — Killian passes the test that Rumple failed.

Thus, is it any wonder that Milah goes to get Hook?  She puts her own life on the line to confront her ex-husband and save her new lover.  He fought for her, and she fights for him.  She’s clever about it, finding just the piece of leverage that might get through to Rumple and using it, and all because she’s found someone to fight for her.

I also feel like it’s necessary to point out that, when they get back to the Jolly Roger, the crew treats her as a second captain.  They respond to her orders and follow what she says.  She’s not, as they implied to Rumple, a party favor that they passed around, and nor is she some mere component of Killian (i.e. they don’t treat her like “the captain’s mistress” but as her own person, and someone who’s definitely in some degree of command).  What I mean by this is that the way we see the crew interacting with her further invalidates the earlier encounter between Killian and Rumple unless it were a test set up by Milah and Killian to test Rumple’s mettle.

And then, of course, there’s the fatal scene, and I feel like I’d be hard-pressed to find someone who thinks that Rumple acted appropriately.  (tbh, I’d be very worried if I found someone who did, because… murder?  Really?  Seriously, folks, feel free to reach out to me with explanations for how Rumple was right in the killing-Milah scene because I don’t understand and am curious if anyone has any logic to provide whatsoever.)  This scene is, to me, one of the best at summing up Rumple’s character flaws, if I’m being honest.  His anger at her for leaving Bae is, yes, partly at her, but it’s also in large part him projecting onto her because he left Baelfire, far more permanently.  He continues to not see things from other peoples’ points of view; he didn’t get how Milah was so miserable with him when she was doing all the housework and childcare while also being married to one of the town’s outcasts and getting no help from him.  His anger issues, because he can’t take hearing that she didn’t love him without deciding she deserved to die.  And his cowardice, hiding behind magic, because — even with immortality and everything else — he needs his powers to restrain Killian long enough to kill her.  This is probably not a very persuasive paragraph in terms of the thesis idea of Killian vs. Rumple, but that’s largely because I’m very confused as to how anyone supports Rumple’s position here, so I can’t foresee which counterarguments to provide.

Before I conclude, I do want to address one slightly-off-topic thing… Milah.  I will confess that I have serious personal qualms with her leaving her son behind to set sail, but I also very much disagree with the people who dismiss her as being heartless or careless there.  Do I think she was right to leave Bae behind, to leave him with Rumple as a father?  No.  But.  She wasn’t thoughtless.  She wasn’t careless.  We find out through Killian at some point that the two of them had carried on long conversations about bringing Bae, that both had felt guilty for abandoning him, and that both were worried about the environment that a pirate ship might provide for a child.  We also find out that they’d planned on going back for him at some point.  I think this is another instance in the show of a mother trying to do what’s best for her child; I just also think that Milah made the wrong choice.

However, I also vastly believe that the family unit of Rumple, Milah, and Baelfire was unhealthy and should not have persisted.  It was a relationship built on years of bitterness culminating in Rumple making a decision to sell their future, and it was deleterious to everybody involved.  I cannot believe that Bae would have had a substantially better life if Milah had stuck around than the way it ended up happening.

And also, it’s just important to notice how much Milah thrived away from Rumple.  (Because it’s not her being away from Bae; she’s consistently feeling guilty about that, and he continues to be her unfinished business after she dies.)  Not only does she get to leave the life she hated, doing all the work in a small town where everyone hated her husband and pitied her, and get to go on a life of adventure to different worlds… Not only does she get respect and an actual, healthy family in Killian and his crew… But the sheer amount of meta analysis that could be done on her clothing as compared to her mental state?? Massive.  I mean, she goes from drab peasant in rags and worn out clothing to a pirate queen, with bright colors, beaded shirts, and brocade.

So, long story short; I think that Killian — and, to a slightly lesser degree (principally because of leaving Bae, even though, as I said, I think she was just a flawed person doing her best in a shitty situation), Milah — were worlds more justified in all of their actions than Rumple was.  I think that, if we’re talking right or wrong, neither Killian nor Rumple were 100% right or 100% wrong.  I also think that Killian was more right.

Whoo, that was a long one.  I’m slightly dying because I now have no clue if any of this is coherent or makes sense.  I’m also fairly certain I didn’t get to say some stuff I wanted to say… oh, well, guess that’s what future posts are for :)  Thanks for sticking with me!

[polymysteryinciscanon]

Friendly Reminder that what consitutes a satisfying ending to a character arc depends on the character

(Or why Emma Swan is actually a great character)

Seems obvious, right? That's how character arcs work. But I think some people have forgotten.

So I'm rewatching Once Upon a Time, which means I'm back on a Captain Swan kick, which means I'm remembering all of the ppl who claimed that he "ruined her character" (how he did that when he showed up in season 2 of seven and she had more time with him than without i have no idea but anyway)

This is not the only example of this but I'm gonna focus on it bc it's fresh in my mind. But first, a few disclaimers-

I never actually finished the show. While I know Emma and Hook get married, I don't know the full context. I acknowledge that there is nuance to this discussion that I don't have so take this with a grain of salt.

I know this show went down hill after season 3-ish and there is a lot to consider, but I still think there is enough content to support this idea

Okay? Okay.

So basically most of the criticisms of Emma's relationship with Killian (besides your usual abuse accusations that always accompany this kind of ship) is that she got "weaker" and "softer" as their relationship went on. So we're gonna divide this into three parts.

1. Why this worked for Emma's character

2. Why saying this was all Killian is objectively false

3. How this relates to the wider world of female characters.

So. Point number one- how this was positive development for Emma.

A character arc is dictated by the character's beginnings. That's the whole point. Character has flaw> character overcomes flaw. And Emma's character arcs always revolved around how her past had affected her confidence and ability to trust. Emma was not a strong, independent woman because her mother raised her to recognize her own strength or because her father taught her to hit boys back. She was strong and independent because she had lost so much that she was terrified of letting people in. Ever. She wouldn't ask for help, she wouldn't admit to weakness, and she was so scared of letting herself love again because it meant she could be hurt.

So the logical conclusion of that arc is Emma being more open. More vulnerable. Her key strengths stayed. She remained confident in her abilities when a situation fell into her realm of knowledge, she knew when to dig her heels in and did it without question. She learned to define herself while taking in the mew aspects of her life and identity. She was still strong and confident. But she didn't have to do it alone. So yeah, for a little girl who thought her parents abandoned her who turned into a grown woman who'd had her heart broken so horribly she vowed to never trust anyone again, a bright happy wedding is great development. Emma had sworn off of love for unhealthy reasons, so trying again is a huge improvement. "You don't need a relationship to be happy" does not mean we should stop writing characters who have love in their happy endings. But more on that later.

2- This does not just fall on Killian and saying it does is a huge disgrace to both of their characters.

This is something you see a lot in fandoms. This is even sometbing that the OUAT fandom has done. But the credit for this development is not all on Killian. Everyone helped Emma open up.

Obviously Henry contributed a lot. Emma was totally out of her depth when it came to Henry. She was forced to ask for help. And she had to be vulnerable with him sometimes and opening up to someone made it easier in the future.

Then there's Mary Margaret. Even before the curse, she helped Emma take huge steps in the right direction here. She was so unendingly kind that Emma couldn't help being open. She'd let Mary Margaret into her heart started thinking of her as family- before she even noticed.

And after the curse? You know that whole mini-plot about Emma moving past her anger and making an effort to let her parents in. Yeah.

Emma's progress with Killian is a lot more noticeable, but that's not surprising because at the end of the day, he is her love interest. But saying that it was all him is just...incorrect

3- Why do so many people hate this?

Media in the last few decades has created quite a predicament for itself. Essentially, they have made the "not like the other girls girl" the sign of feminism in media and no other woman is allowed. Kristen Stewart once described it as "faux girl power" where they would write a male character with an obviously man-oriented arc and change the name. They took a few incredibly shallow feminist tags (don't need a man, don't like dresses, can fight), slapped them together and said "tah-dah" and women applauded it because it was all we had. Female characters mist be independent and not like men and not need anyone and be able to take on an actual, literal army singlehandedly or they're weak.

But the fact is that women are all so, so different. And we want different things.

The decision to have a female character not date or get married as a result of spending your whole story chasing after men, defining herself by if she was in a relationship, and losing complete track of herself? Fantastic. Beautiful. Impeccable.

The decision to have a woman get married after spending your entire story suffering heartbreak after heartbreak, locking each one in a "why men suck and why you'll die alone" box and having her find someone who slowly reminds her that there is good in the world? Getting married not out of societal pressure but because she wants it and it's healing to her soul? Exquisite. Breathtaking. Historic.

Could both of these stories end differently? Yeah, sure, if you're a good writer and know what you're doing. But the point is that there are stories where marriage is a triumph. Thses characters aren't getting married to check a box or to finally be seen as worthy and lovable. They are getting married for themselves. Emma got married because everything she'd ever dreamed of was right at her fingertips and getting married was something she never, ever thought she'd be able to do because everyone always left. So being able to stand in front of a family she'd thought was gone for ever and wear that dress and sing and dance and love-

It is probably best character arc conclusion the show gave us (besides Regina).

*if I ever get sleep deprived and pissed off like this again expect an equally unapologetic rant about Steve Rogers*

[jlsadphoenix]

a map and a shovel (to my achilles’ heel)

The evolution of Emma and Killian’s thoughts for each other, told through the early events of their lives together. | 2/2 | AO3

KILLIAN

EMMA

because how the hell had this man managed to see right past her walls in the few hours he spent in her company, when people who’ve known her months, years, had trouble doing the same?

for as long as she’s known him, even with his flowery language and pirate regalia and cluelessness to modern conveniences, he’s always felt the realest person around

Tagging: @teamhook @lillpon @ownedbycaptainswan @inwordsthatnobodyknows1121

1.

“Hey,” Emma starts, noticing a hand reaching out from a pile of bodies. “Hey, there’s someone under there!”

The man they pull out is thanking them, but there are alarms going off in her head. Something’s wrong, this doesn’t make sense. Their eyes meet, his eyes are fearful, yes, grateful as well, but just a bit calculating, too, and her instincts say there’s something more to him.

He sits at the table looking exhausted as Emma asks Mulan (shit, how was this her life, fucking Mulan) more. The story Mulan tells her about the man seems perfectly plausible, but, “Why would Cora leave a survivor?” It’s too messy for someone like Cora. So she offers him some water.

He starts to explain how he hid under the bodies to survive, but there’s something wrong. He’s — not lying, not completely, but Emma’d be damned if he’s telling the full truth. So she leans her elbows down on the table, bringing her head level to his, I’m pretty good at knowing when someone is lying to me, she keeps her voice even, calm, face sympathetic, until —

“I’m telling you the truth,”

Her lie detector goes off.

Got you.

He’s good, she has to admit as she plasters on a sympathetic smile for him, but not good enough. I can guide you —

Ha, not a chance.

So Emma grabs him by the hair, pulls out her knife, and puts it to his throat.

“You’re not gonna guide us anywhere until you tell us who you really are,” she really can’t help the bit of pride that swells up at the flash of surprise in the man’s eyes.

2.

Just looking up at the beanstalk seems daunting. They had to climb that thing?

Whatever story you think you know, my dear, is most certainly wrong, has her scrounging her memory for what she remembered of Jack and the Beanstalk. Something with a cow, she remembered, and — was it a goose or a harp? Ah, she’s getting distracted, and Hook’s amused look and drawling voice really isn’t helping. Very bad form, he finishes his story.

“The treasure remains, and amongst it is the compass,” he says, focusing on her again, and really, why is he always speaking like she’s the only one in this group? “Once we get it, steal the ashes from her, then we’re on our way,” he finishes jovially.

“How do we know you’re not just using us to get the compass for Cora?” Mulan asks suspiciously, and really, Emma could become good friends with her, the way they easily agree.

Hook answers seriously, ‘cause you four are far safer company, clear of any deception. Good enough for now, she supposes, and suggests they start climbing. They’re wasting time sharing stories here.

Then Hook laughs a bit, says only he and one other can climb, and he is seriously getting on her last nerve, don’t be afraid to, y’know, really get into it, he grins, bouncing on his feet, looking completely delighted by this, and why did Captain Hook have to be gorgeous and not all perms and wax mustaches?

They move away from Hook, and she tilts her head back to peer up the beanstalk as the others argue. Damn, she can’t even see the top. How long would that take to climb? She absently hears them arguing over wars or something or another, and out of corner of her eye, she can see Hook trying to hide his impatience despite his earlier words.

The fact that she can relate to that irritation has her interrupting the others, because HenryHenryHenry; who cares about number of wars or who has more to lose when Henry is waiting for her? But she can’t trust Hook either, so she tells Mulan to cut the beanstalk down in ten hours if she’s not back down, makes her promise to bring Mary Margaret home.

Hook smiles cheekily at her, I was hoping it would be you, and she rolls her eyes as he puts the cuff around her wrist.

“I can’t climb one-handed, can I?” He protests, and begrudgingly, she gives him the hook, but, “Don’t think I’m taking my eyes off you for a second,” she warns.

He simply smiles, I would despair if you did, and up they climb.

3.

He’s talking.

She’ll ignore him, she will ignore him, she will ignore him, she will — “I’m concentrating,” Emma finally snaps.

“No, you’re afraid,” he says, and what? The hell does she have to be afraid about? “Afraid to talk, to reveal yourself,” he slows his climb to let her catch up to his side. “To trust me.”

Trust? Really? From him, of all people? “You should be used to people not trusting you,”

Hook only rolls his eyes, ah, the pirate thing, as if it was just some afterthought. You’re something of an open book, he tells her then, and Emma can’t help but pause, can’t help the faint amusement and curiosity, because she’s been called many things in life, but open book was definitely not one of them.

“Let’s see,” he starts, voice deceptively mild, “you volunteered to come up here because you were the most motivated, you need to get back to a child,” and Emma nearly scoffs, because he’s an eavesdropper, big surprise.

“Ah, but you don’t want to abandon him the way you were abandoned,” and still, his voice is casual, as though they were just talking about the weather, but Emma stills, because how could he know —

He looks away from her briefly as he explains something about Neverland, and Lost Boys, but she’s still scrambling to cover up whatever hell hole in her walls he managed to see past. The look you get when you’ve been left alone, but she didn’t come from Neverland, she’s not from some fairytale world despite what Henry says, she was just —

“But an orphan’s an orphan,” he continues. There’s something in his voice, but she won’t focus on it before this gets into more dangerous territory, but he doesn’t seem to notice, pushing on, love has been all too rare in your life, hasn’t it, and, have you ever even been in love, and no —

— nope no no no, absolutely not, she will not go there, will not think of her stolen bug, of stolen convenience store food, of a stolen keychain, of stolen moments in stolen motel rooms, of stolen watches, of a stolen future in a cold, empty jail cell with a positive pregnancy test, of two stolen years in —

No, she answers him, because how the hell had this man managed to see right past her walls in the few hours he spent in her company, when people who’ve known her months, years, had trouble doing the same? So she pushes ahead of the climb, resolutely ignoring his too perceptive gaze burning into her, focusing on the climb to run away from the memories that were threatening to resurface.

4.

She starts to turn away from the giant, to head back to the beanstalk, compass in hand, but then, try something new, darling, is ringing in her ears, and she hesitates, glancing back at the pile of rocks Hook is trapped under.

She can’t trust him, she can’t, she tries to convince herself as she asks the giant to keep Hook trapped but unharmed for ten hours. Every instinct she has tells her that he can be trusted, that he hasn’t once lied to her. Every instinct says that she can take a chance on him, that they could be allies, friends, maybe —

No.

No, no, he’ll turn on her the first chance he gets, she tries to think rationally. But he’s grinning at her, pure exhilaration on his face, and he calls her brilliant and amazing, without any lie or underlying motive, and he stares down at the compass in awe, and she can’t help but think of how human he looks when he’s like this, so far removed from any fairytale or cocky pirate captain persona or the man who would go to any lengths for his lost love.

Hook reaches for the compass and doesn’t even look all that bothered when she pulls away, simply smiling and offering up his hand, eyes bright, face open, and come, let’s go, and she takes his hand but she can’t.

If she’s wrong about him, she could lose Henry, could lose her way to Storybrooke, he could leave her cold and empty and lost in some dead realm, reminiscent of a cold and empty jail cell, lost for two years in Tallahassee.

She stares back at his bright and open face, watches as he gives her a tiny, encouraging nod.

She has no reason to be wrong about him.

She closes the shackles around his wrist.

His face goes slack with the shock, and it has her up and scrambling back out of his reach.

What are you doing, the way his voice trembles in his attempt to stay calm only serves to make her feel worse, eyes falling away from him. Her voice fails her as she tries to explain, explain that — that he — that she can’t—

“Emma, look at me,” he pleads, “have I told you a lie?”

He hasn’t. Not since she called him out on the blacksmith act, since she put a knife to his throat, since she tied him to a tree, and left him to ogres until she heard him call out to her, good for you, irritated and a little sulky and just a bit of grudging respect.

He didn’t lie when he smiled down at her, I was hoping it would be you, didn’t lie when he called her an open book, when he bandaged her hand with his scarf with a no, it’s not, or when she pressed him about the name on his wrist, despite the way he had shut down fast, faster than anything else she had seen from him yet.

His voice is still calm as he tries to reason with her, why do this to me now, gaze steady, as though it can still be easily brushed aside if she just lets him go, but —

“I can’t take the chance that I’m wrong about you,” because despite what her instincts say, she refuses to take that step (refuses to try something new), and “I’m sorry,” because she is. But he turned so quick on Cora, he could do just the same to them, turn back to Cora with the compass, and —

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry?” Hook pulls against the chain as he tries to move closer, voice furious. She’s shutting down, and fast. She can’t let him change her mind, she can’t take that chance, the chance she’s wrong, the chance of him betraying her, the chance of losing her way to Henry, the chance on him.

“And you’re not gonna die,” she refutes him, “I just need a head start, that’s all.”

And she’s turning away from him, walking back to the beanstalk, and he’s calling out to her, furious and desperate (betrayed, abandoned) but she won’t, she can’t look back, because —

She shuts her eyes against his shouts.

She leaves him behind.

(Because, despite her rationalizing, the more her instincts say he can be trusted, the more she wants to take that chance, to listen to her gut, to — to —

The more it terrified her. The more she needs to distance herself. What better way than to leave him in chains in some cold, empty room with a giant?)

5.

The compass disappears from her hand, and appears in Cora’s as she stares gleefully at it.

No.

No, what — ?

Emma pushes uselessly at the cell gates as Cora thanks Aurora for her help.

Thanks Auro—?

What?

She turns on her, furious, how would you do this, but she registers belatedly that Aurora looks as bewildered as them, and Cora’s crooning voice only confirms this as she pulls out a red, pulsing, beating heart. “You took her heart?” She stares, horrified. This — this is what it means when Regina — when Graham — when —

“Actually, I did,” Hook corrected her, voice low. Emma turns to him then, having tried and failed to ignore him leaning casually against the wall, staring fixatedly down at his hook, “it was a gift.” He finally turns to face them. He doesn’t say anything more, face completely closed off in a way she hasn’t seen on him aside from when she had asked about Milah, doesn’t flinch as Cora clenches her fist, Aurora crumpling in pain, doesn’t move until Cora passes him, pushing off the wall to follow.

“Hook,” she tried, desperate. She can’t lose the compass, lose Henry. “Wait,”

He pauses.

She breathed shakily, a desperate, irrational swell of hope as he turns to face her. “Please don’t do this, my son is in Storybrooke, he needs me.”

He moved towards her then, slow, measured steps, and just from the look on his face she knows she fucked up. “Perhaps you should have considered that before you abandoned me on that beanstalk,” his tone low and dangerous.

She shakes her head because that — it’s not — because — you would’ve done the same, and she keeps her grip against the bars, keeps her voice cool and knowing.

“Actually no.”

It’s said flatly, just plain fact.

That — that can’t be right.

She left him behind before he could do it to her, before he could do what he’s doing now, except—

He’s pulling out a bean on some sort of necklace, and she reaches desperately for it, unsuccessful, and this is a symbol, dangling the bean just in front of her, “something that was once magical, and full of hope, possibility... Now look at it,” once again his voice is deceptive, mild and unassuming, and she follows his gaze. “Dried up, dead. Useless. Much like you,”

He’s walking away, Emma realizes with increasing panic. Is this how he felt?

Just as I’m done with you, is this revenge for the way she left him chained up on the beanstalk, helpless but to watch her retreating back? Fitting, she thinks dimly to herself, watching him walk away.

He did betray her, just as she thought (because she did it first), and she thinks of her way back to Henry, fading with each step Hook takes away from them, thinks dimly of trying to call out to him (just as he did to her), thinks dimly of what could’ve happened if she had trusted him, trusted herself, would she still have wound up here, thinks dimly of how flat Hook’s words were to her, how closed off, a complete turn from the start of their climb up the beanstalk, thinks I did this, I did that to him, I got us caught in this trap —

She thinks maybe she should have trusted him, but now she won’t get a chance to right that wrong, doesn’t even know if she would want to if she got the chance.

6.

How could you not? You don’t believe in your parents. Or in magic. Or even yourself.

Goddamn Rumplestiltskin — Gold — whatever his name was now.

When have you ever taken a real leap of faith?

Because what they needed right now — when Henry was missing — was to separate.

You’re still just that bail-bonds person.

What the hell did he know, Emma thought bitterly, the burn in her muscles not doing anything to clear her mind. She paused a moment to catch her breath, pushing back the swell of frustration, the burning in her throat. Henry is missing. That’s the fact of the matter. This is no time to doubt herself, to —

“Aw, don’t stop on my account.”

Hook.

Of course. Because she needed more things on her mind, needed more questions she couldn’t find the answer to. “What are you doing?”

Getting ready for a fight, she manages to ground out, ignoring Hook’s quip, because like hell she would tell him that she was doing her own equivalent of a pep talk, of going through mindless, repetitive motions to try to clear her mind of Gold’s words, or tell him that she was starting to believe them, not because Gold had said it flat to her face, but because it was all already in her head.

And in what is starting to become a frustrating pattern, she doesn’t need to tell him anyway.

“Don’t let Rumplestiltskin get you down, love,” is said gently, free of any judgement, and dammit, how does he see through her so easily (open book), he had done it on the beanstalk, done it in Granny’s with a simple why are you really doing this, and the more time she spends in his presence, the more she understood the weight of her own words when Emma had told him you and I, we understand each other — God, was that just a couple hours ago?

“What do you want?” Because there was no chance she was going to go further with this. He pulls out a key as he starts to talk about Neal.

Yes, because an even better topic conversation with the man who can read her like no one else was her recently killed ex who she still has a shit ton of mixed and complicated feelings for.

Hook offers her a sword, then, a quiet this was his, has her looking up and taking a look at his face.

Emma might have a harder time understanding his particular motives right now, but she is not the only open book on this ship, she thinks, noting the way his eyes don’t meet hers, the way his head sways, the edge to his I’m not when she accuses him of being sentimental. What a terrible liar, she muses, trying to ignore the warm feeling starting to replacing the cold dread that Gold’s words had left.

“I just thought you could use it where we’re going, you know,” he hands her a shot glass, and Hook may be a terrible liar, but he’s certainly good at deflecting, she thinks, as he drawls out, “to fight.”

He pours her some rum, and somehow, the moment the glass was filled, she realizes that this was exactly what she needed. Not some pull ups to get ready for a fight, not to talk about her feelings with her parents, not pointless reassurances or empty promises and words. Just a moment to take a breath and process, free of outside influence. Thanks.

“To Neal,” Hook offers simply, and they toast and they drink and they sit in silence, and it is ridiculous how easy it is to be in his presence.

He comes with no expectations of who she should be, no underlying disappointment throughout every interaction when she is nothing expected, no pressure to be a lost daughter, or a mother who lost ten years with her son, or Neal’s ex, or some savior responsible for everyone’s happiness, or princess, or even a bail-bonds person.

With him, she simply is.

So she asks about Neal, because she can’t imagine him young and a teenager, playing pirate with Hook, because no matter how much he had broken her heart, how much just his name reminds her of the cold metal of a cuff around her ankle as she gave birth, or the cold metal of the watch on her wrist that night, being in Neal’s presence made her feel sixteen and recklessly in love again, and seeing him die made her wish for better closure, and being in Hook’s presence was easy and calming, and he was the only other person she knows who she could talk to about Neal.

(who she feels she could someday tell the whole story of her and Neal, without judgement or expectation or suggestions to forgive and forget)

Naturally, Hook sees right through her question, and true to form, as she is starting to learn, answers plainly and free of judgement or amusement or those stupid sympathetic looks that make her want to hit something. “Long enough to know I miss him, too.”

Their eyes meet. No more words are said, and it is quiet. The room is heavy. And it is easy.

7.

“Hook,” David says as soon as he separates from Mary Margaret. “He saved my life.”

Emma’s heart skips a few beats, focusing sharply on David, trying to find any injuries.

“Are you sure you wanna tell them that, mate?” Hook asks him cautiously, but Emma is far too worried about the idea that those two were in any situation at all that called for someone’s life being saved. Are they alright, what happened?

“On our trek,” David starts, “we were ambushed by Lost Boys. Pinned down, outnumbered, but Hook — he risked his life to stop me from getting hit by a poisoned arrow.”

He what? Now she turns to look at Hook, but he shifts uncomfortably, looking away from them all, forcing up a short smile as David approaches. “If it wasn’t for Hook, I wouldn’t be alive. Your flask, please,” Hook seems to be able to meet only David’s eyes as he hands him the flask. I thought he deserved a little credit.

Only now does Emma’s heart slow down a bit, because just how close had she come to losing her friend — her father? Thank you, Hook manages, but still looks supremely uncertain and uncomfortable, even with the gratefulness softening it just a bit. They pass the rum about, but Emma can’t help but stare.

Once again he surprises her, and once again, she sees that honorable gentleman peeking out from underneath that cocky pirate captain persona. She saw it when he took her hand, insisting on bandaging it, when he had smiled at her, so bright and open, her heart had skipped a beat, saw it when he had put himself to pains to reach for Aurora’s heart, when he had so blatantly thrown their fight at Lake Nostos (No way did she beat a pirate in a sword fight when she had only held a sword for a week), saw it when he turned his ship around, gave her the bean with a simple, maybe I just needed reminding that I could, saw it below the decks of his ship when he offered her Neal’s sword and they drank a toast to his memory.

To Hook, she murmurs, taking a swig of the rum, before turning back to him as the others return back to their camp.

He is turned away from her completely, staring fixatedly on a tree, and the words come out before she can stop herself, “D’you really save his life?”

“Does that surprise you?” he asks, and he barely glances at her before turning back to the tree. She gives back the rum.

“Well, you and David aren’t exactly... how do you say it? Mates,” she mimics his accent, expecting a smirk or a small laugh.

Instead, he finally turns to face her, serious and honest, “Doesn’t mean I’d leave your father to perish on this island.”

Thank you, is all she can say to the sincerity in his eyes and voice.

A slow, teasing grin spreads across his face, and she knows he’s putting up an act, directing their conversation to something much lighter, but regardless, Emma feels the mood lighten almost immediately, feels herself start to feel just a bit giddy, giddy from speaking to Henry, from David and Hook making it back safe, despite the sextant, from the rum, from this man standing across her, who constantly keeps her and her expectations on its toes, who she’s felt connected to since they climbed the damn beanstalk and he revealed just a bit of himself when he tied that damn scarf with his damn mouth, and turned his ship around and offered his assistance in helping Henry when there was nothing in it for him.

Perhaps gratitude is in order now, he muses, tapping his lips with his finger, and she can’t help but return his teasing smile, because “Yeah, that’s what the thank you was for,” but he just makes a quiet noise in the back of his throat as he takes just another step forward.

“Is that all your father’s life is worth to you?” Hook asks, and that giddiness seems to swell just a bit more, because, he saved David’s life. He turned his ship around, gave her Neal’s sword, gives advice freely, directed them to Tinkerbell, showed them what plants are safe to eat and which to avoid, even with all the doubts the others throw his way, and all the while, he simply turns to her, smiles, calls her excellent, backs all her ideas, and never once does he seem to doubt her.

“Please, you couldn’t handle it,”

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,”

He pops the t, the corner of his lips tugging up, and he stares at her with bright, open blue eyes, so so reminiscent of the look he had given her when she pulled him out of the rubble, calling her brilliant and amazing, and asking to see the compass, and offering his hand up to her.

She should leave.

She should walk away now, head back to David and Mary Margaret and Regina.

Oh, fuck it.

Her hands close around the collar of his coat, dragging him in for a kiss even before she could finish the thought. She keeps a death grip on his collar as the other winds up in his ridiculously soft hair, and his lips taste of rum and Neverland fruits, and he doesn’t move for a moment, far too surprised, before his hand comes up her own hair and he breathes in harshly through his nose and he responds, and oh.

Hook kisses the same way he does just about anything else; with everything he has. It has her burning, because he kisses like he’s challenging her, kisses like a drowning man taking a breath for the first time, kisses like she’s the sun and he hasn’t seen daylight in years, kisses like he’ll never kiss anyone again.

They separate, but their foreheads are pressed together, and she still has a death grip on his coat, and they are breathing harshly, and all she can think is, oh.

That was —

“That was...” and he sounds wrecked, stunned, as if he hasn’t just given her the best kiss of her life, and oh, oh, oh, oh no, but even with the growing panic, she feels good, and he feels good, and they feel good together, and —

A one-time thing, she forces herself to step away, to turn and head back into camp, and she makes the mistake of looking at his face, as stunned and wrecked as he sounds, brow furrowing at her words, and the words taste a bit wrong in her mouth, tastes like a lie, but it can’t be a lie, because there’s no chance she’s letting herself —

“Don’t follow me,” she instructs him, not letting herself look at him again, “Wait five minutes, go get some firewood or something.”

“As you wish,” he calls at her back, and the smile that spreads on her face is completely involuntary.

Her heart is still pounding, lips still burning, and she still feels so so good, for the first time since Henry was taken, she was in some semblance of a good mood, and he was the one to put it there, with his stupid easy faith, stupid smiles and compliments and suggestions, urging her to find a way to speak to Henry, and saving David’s life, and the stupid way he doesn’t even expect anything back, not even acknowledgement, and the stupid, goddamn way he kisses like his life depends on it, why the hell does he kiss like that.

What the hell made her think kissing him would be a good idea? She can panic about this later.

(She can still taste the rum and fruits.)

(She thinks maybe she really couldn’t handle it.)

8.

The whole Neal thing isn’t enough to distract from the burn on her lips, the memory of those bright, open blue eyes, or the teasing voice, or that damn kiss, like Hook was breathing air for the first time.

“I kissed him,” Emma blurts out the moment she and Mary Margaret are out of earshot from David and Hook.

“What?” she asks, “Who?” As if there’s an abundance of options she has of people to kiss.

“Hook, I kissed Hook,” and the memory of his lips on hers are still so fresh, the taste of rum and fruits, that bright, giddy feeling he had managed to bring out of her still echoing in her chest, even as the thought of finding Neal makes her heart ache.

“Oh,” says Mary Margaret, voice high, with surprise or suspended judgement or maybe both, maybe neither, Emma doesn’t know, “Wh-why?”

Because he sees her and has no expectations for her, because he doesn’t lie to her, because of the way he had smiled at her, the teasing lilt to his voice, the easy faith he puts on her, because he came back and offered to help save Henry, saved David, and because they shared a drink, shared moments on the ship, on the beanstalk, in this damn island, because try as he might, he just can’t hide that gentleman underneath the selfish pirate persona.

I don’t know, she says instead, “I-I was — it’s been a while, I was feeling good —“

“Did it mean anything?”

Yes, she thinks instinctively, except she doesn’t know what it means, doesn’t even know why she brought it up, because it was a one-time thing, and, it was just a kiss, because it should have just been a kiss, but her voice is starting to pitch defensively, completely involuntary, and she can still feel the pull of his lips on hers, the taste of fruit and rum, and the way he had kissed like —

“I’m sure Neal will understand,” completely falters her thoughts, because the hell does Neal have anything to do wi—

Oh, right, they’re on their way now to rescue her apparently not-so-dead-ex, the father of her son, who she said I love you to right before he fell into the portal, and she had just told her mother she kissed another man. It must seem like Emma was worried about what Neal might think, which — No. “If he’s still alive,”

“Emma, I get what you’re doing, you know,” says Mary Margaret carefully, “you don’t wanna open yourself up the the hope that he’s alive, but you should,” completely stops her in her tracks.

Why, She stares at Mary Margaret, heart sinking.

She had wanted some closure from Neal, yes, she deserved that closure after all that he’s done to her, the memory of that damn alleyway, cuffs closing around her wrists, and months in a cell with nothing but a keychain, car keys, and a positive pregnancy test, the way she couldn’t even bear to look at her son after she gave birth because then she’d never be able to let him go, to give him a life he deserves, the two years in Tallahassee waiting, just waiting, had her building up her walls higher and thicker than when she had left the system.

But with Neal gone, Emma had thought she could finally let it go, move past that part of her life, could live without the constant worry she had lived with for years that she would see him again someday, except she did, in possibly the worst way, slamming into him in some New York alleyway, with him getting mad at her for bringing Gold to him, scoffing and dismissing her like she was still sixteen and he hadn’t set her up to take the fall fo his crime. No, then he followed he back to Storybrooke with a fiancée who wound up kidnapping Henry for Peter Pan, even as he and her parents had dismissed all her suspicions as some petty jealousy.

No, she wanted to get closure and move on. She wasn’t sixteen and in love with the cool, older guy who had understood her anymore. She didn't want to feel sixteen anymore. She wanted to feel at ease, like she feels around Henry and his endless faith and belief in everything, around Mary Margaret before things became so much more complicated, around Hook, of all people, when he offers her a drink, when compliments and praise slip freely from his lips but seems to expects nothing in return, when he is always so open and easy to read when they are alone, when he reads her unnervingly well, not needing her to speak her doubts before he replaces it with that easy faith and a small smile.

“Because you deserve a happy ending, Emma,” Mary Margaret turns to face her, earnest, “and happy endings always start with hope,”

But what did it mean if the only hope she feels regarding Neal is the dark, grim hope that this was just a trick?

9.

“I thought Emma would wish to have something to remember you by,” Hook’s voice is terse.

“Oh, thanks, but she’s got me now,” and what? The hell is this about?

She holds out an arm to stop Hook from following Neal, woah, what was that about, but Hook is standoffish, can’t meet her eyes right, and dammit, he’s been having difficulty doing that since the Echo Caves. His words are halting, tense and just a bit uncomfortable, “I assumed he heard my secret, I also assumed you told him of our shared moment,”

“Why would you assume that,” she asks sharply. This time, he has no trouble holding her gaze, because I was hoping it meant something, but that is not the point, that is not what meant something, because it occurs to her that the only time Pan could’ve told him about Neal was immediately after their kiss, and still — “What meant something was that you told us Neal was still alive. Thank you,” she seems to be saying that to him a lot, and each time, she means it more and more. “Otherwise you could’ve kept Pan’s information to yourself.”

“Why would I have done that?” he asks genuinely, as though it never once occurred to him, as though he didn’t have everything to gain and nothing to lose if he kept the information to himself.

“Maybe Pan offered you a deal, why else would he tell you?”

“It was a test,” he says simply, unbothered, “he wanted to see if I’d leave an old friend to die, even if that old friend happens to be vying for the same woman I am,”

She stares, and thinks of how refreshing it is to speak with him, the way he doesn’t beat around the bush, the way he states his intentions plainly, never bothering with a lie, thinks of that gentleman he mentioned once, so long ago, shining through again, always there, underlying most of his actions, “And you chose your friend,” she doesn’t mean to sound so surprised.

He only shrugs, “Does that surprise you?”

She thinks she’s more surprised by how unsurprised she is.

Emma has learned so much more about Hook in their short time together, thinks of how easy it always is to be with him, to speak with him, to understand him, because he never says the words, but she knows the reason she is an open book to him is the same reason he is an open book to her.

You are a pirate, she says instead, smiling at him, wanting him to smile back, to laugh, but when he does, it is tinged with an uncharacteristic self-deprecation, yeah, that I am, and he looks down, looks away from her, and Emma thinks he shouldn’t sound like that (thinks she doesn’t want him to sound like that).

He takes a step closer, and somehow, she doesn’t feel even slightly uncomfortable by his closeness, by his openness, his sincerity, “But I also believe in good form. So when I win your heart, Emma — and I will win it. It will not be because of any trickery. It will be because you want me.”

She’s already known this, deep down. He never mentioned saving David voluntarily, even cautioned against David’s acknowledgement, he decided to be the first to speak his secret, to bear his heart to save Neal, never once bringing it up as a point of praise, and he’s so so honest, expecting nothing in return, simply happy to lay his heart down in her hands. She has to turn this conversation away from the direction it’s going, she has no time to examine her own feelings and desires, not while Henry is still in danger, she isn’t nearly as brave enough to examine herself, too scared to find out what that answer may be, where it may lead her to, and she’s nowhere near as brave as Hook to simply put herself out there like he is. “This is not a contest, Hook,”

“Isn’t it?” he questions mildly, “You’re gonna have to choose, Emma. You realize that, don’t you? Because neither one of us is gonna give up,” he gestures towards Neal’s general direction, but —

“The only thing I have to choose is the best way to get my son back,” she corrects him, because Henry will always be her priority, now, on Neverland when he’s in constant danger, back in Storybrooke where he is happy and surrounded by family, even regardless of whatever danger Storybrooke winds up in, and even when there’s no danger to be had.

“And you will,” says Hook simply, as though there isn’t even a single shred of doubt in his mind, and once again, Emma is struck by his simple faith. The answer is plain on his face, in his voice, in the silence of her lie detector, but somehow, the quiet doubt constantly on the back of her mind is calling out to her, and she can’t help but ask, can’t help the creeping vulnerability, you think so, because she has the feeling he wouldn’t laugh, wouldn’t brush it away, or mock or whatever else.

I’ve yet to see you fail, and there’s a shadow of a smile on his face as he stares back at her, but Emma knows it’s not a smile of mocking, “and when you do succeed,” he continues, uses when because in his mind, her victory is already guaranteed, no matter if they have no concrete plan to get to Henry, to defeat Pan, to leave Neverland, “well, that’s when the fun begins,” and he’s smiling properly now.

“Guys!” Neal calls out then, and Hook’s eyes dart to somewhere behind her, his face smooths out into his usual vaguely disinterested expression, hiding away the heart he so easily opens when they’re alone, but Emma is slow to tear her eyes away from him, because she still shaken, moved by his confidence and belief in her, the same that she’s only ever seen on Henry, with his unfaltering faith in the goodness of people, even ones he’s called evil, with his but I believe in you, before he collapsed and leaving her in panic and believing in magic, for him.

(She thinks she could be in serious trouble with this man.)

(She thinks she might already be in serious trouble with this man.)

10.

Emma doesn’t want to leave. Not when she had finally found her parents, found her son, found a place she could belong (a place she could call home). She’s barely holding back her tears, can see Henry doing the same, and they’re at the town line, her Bug already at the edge, but she doesn’t want to go.

Hook approaches her as soon as she moves away from the crowd, and she starts to feel even worse.

She doesn’t know what to say to him, what she wants him to know, and judging by his uncertain expression, he feels the same.

“That’s quite the vessel you captain there, Swan,” he attempts lightly, and it brings out a smile from her, however shaky, because he always seems to be able to do that to her.

She doesn’t know what she wants to say to him, but she knows she could very possibly regret not saying anything at all more than anything else.

If she has to leave, if she can never see him again, Emma knows she has to say goodbye, knows she owes it to him, owes it to herself, owes it to them.

But the smile fades from his face, and he looks about the same as she feels, and “There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t think of you,” and she knows he is not lying, does not need to use her superpower with him because he wears his damn heart on his sleeve when it comes to her, because if there’s one thing she can count on, it’s Captain Hook — Killian Jones’ honor and dedication and honesty, knows that when he makes a promise, he keeps it, and she doesn’t even have to look much further than how they met, him dedicating himself to centuries avenging an old love.

There was something building between them, she knows. It’s why she ran from him in the first place so long ago on the beanstalk. She doesn’t need his open honesty about his feelings, doesn’t need the Echo Caves to know. She was in trouble with him from the start, since he read her like an open book, and she ran from it, and she knew the moment she kissed him that whatever it was, it wasn’t something she could keep running from forever.

Until now.

(Until she felt that she might not really want to run anymore.)

But even now, when they’ll never see each other again, when there’s no consequence to keeping his heart hidden from her, he tells her the truth, tells her he won’t stop thinking of her, and she thinks, for once, he deserves some honesty in return, because she may not know what she feels for him, may not return whatever it is he feels for her, but dammit she cares about him, and she’s going to miss him. So she says good, because that’s all she can manage to say, but he still manages to understand her meaning, and he smiles, and steps back.

(She thinks her heart might just break a bit more.)

They may never know what it was that was building, but she has never met another person she could understand so well, who could understand her so well, who she feels she could someday let her walls down for, who she felt truly connected with.

She never knew what kindred spirits meant until she met him.

But then Regina says she and Henry will lose their memories, lose the years they spent in Storybrooke, lose the knowledge that she had found her family, the knowledge that she was wanted, and that Henry has more family than he could possibly know to do with, but could still easily love enough to fill his big heart, and her own heart breaks, breaks for her son, for herself, for her parents and Regina, who can’t even have the comfort that they would be thinking about them, and for Hook, who had promised her everyday but she can’t even return the favor for one more day.

(somehow, she knows, even without her memories, she would have regretted not saying goodby to Hook.)

But they are out of time, and she and Henry get into the Bug, and she starts driving.

She can feel her parents gaze, can feel Hook’s eyes, can feel her memories fading, being replaced, but she holds on as long as she can, until there’s nothing left to hold on to.

(She wonders, later, at the incredible sense of loss she feels, wonders at her acquired taste for rum, wonders at the melancholy she feels when she stares out at the ocean, or when she watches Disney movies with Henry, wonders why everything just feels wrong, feels like there’s something missing.)

11.

Emma had started to wonder who was more insane; the madman dressed head-to-toe in leather rambling about curses and family — or her for thinking, for feeling, that some part of what he’s saying actually made sense.

The moment he had turned up, nothing felt right anymore (nothing had felt right all year), felt strangely like she had known the man who showed up at her door, felt very much insane for actually leaning into the kiss for a split second, felt like she wanted to trust him, felt so much like she was missing something, something so, so, important.

Except nothing the man had said made any sort of logical sense, and she can’t get him out of her thoughts, her head, and Walsh’s proposal wasn’t helping her keep her head straight, and even when she’s throwing him in jail, she can’t help but seek him out again. But she needs answers, and he’s just pleading with her to take a baseless leap of faith, to trust him, trust herself, and he hasn’t lied once to her, no matter how insane the words spilling from his lips are.

(Everything in her is telling her to do it, to try something new.)

“As much as you deny it, deep down, you know something’s wrong, deep down, you know I’m right,” he insists, but it’s not possible, and how could she forget all of this?

He pulls out that tiny blue vial again, offers it out to her again, and again, Emma is struck by the strange familiarity of the action struck by the feeling that she knows what it feels for him to offer a drink, (for her to take it). “If you drink this it will,” he says quietly, and it’s all insane, he is insane, and she must be insane for wanting to take it, because —

“If — if what you’re saying is true... I’d have to give up my life here,”

“It’s all based on lies,” he insists.

“It’s real,” she protests, “and it’s pretty good! I have Henry, a job — a guy I love!”

His face falls, and he looks down at the grown as though he can’t meet her eyes, as though it will give him something to say, give him courage, and “Perhaps there’s a man that you love in the life that you’ve lost,” and Emma —

Stares. He’s talking about himself, she realizes. Knows it in herself, knows it like she knows anything else, although, perhaps that’s the wrong analogy now that he’s turned her life upside down in the span of a day.

“Regardless,” he plows on, as though he hadn’t really meant to reveal so much, like he’s trying to cover up his vulnerabilities, cover up the heart he hadn’t meant to open up to her, “if you wanna find the truth, drink up. Do you really want to live a life of lies? You know this isn’t right, trust your gut, Swan, it will tell you what to do,”

“Henry always says that,” she says quietly, staring at him, and he stares back, open, honest, earnest, and she thinks that maybe her resolve has crumbled.

“Then if you won’t listen to me, listen to your boy,”

Emma has no reasons left, not when he clearly means well, not when all her instincts are saying he can be trusted, that she can take a leap of faith with him, not when he’s looking at her like that, not when both he and Henry trust her to trust herself, when he had — intentionally or not — revealed himself to her with a man that you love in the life that you’ve lost.

So she takes the vial and drinks and —

She remembers, remembers lighting a candle on a cupcake, remembers Henry smiling at her on her doorstep, remembers Storybrooke, the clocktower moving, the dragon she fought when she finally believed, remembers Henry, cold and pale and lifeless until he woke with a kiss, remembers her parents, Neal, shot, falling through the portal, remembers Hook, the way he had looked at her at Echo Caves, remembers saying goodbye, remembers leaving —

She hadn’t even realized she had closed her eyes until she opens them, sees Hook watching her, anxious, worried, and oh, “Hook,” she breathes out, and he lights up at her, smiles like everything is okay, alright.

“Did you miss me?” he grins, and Emma wonders if it’s possible to have missed something she never even knew she had lost, but she remembers now, remembers the drinks they shared, the moments they had alone, the words and promises given, remembers the times she had wondered why she suddenly had a taste for rum, had a strange sense of melancholy whenever she took Henry to the seaside, knows now that yes some part of her had missed him even when she didn’t know she had lost h—

(He is not hers to lose, she reminds herself.)

(But she also remembers ‘until I met you’, remembers ‘when I win your heart’, remembers ‘not a day will go by’, and she simply knows, knows from the way he looks at her now that he had kept that promise, and she thinks, somewhere deep, deep down, that he just might disagree with that.

She wonders at how she is more scared at the fact she isn’t as scared at that as she should be.)

Later they are sat at her apartment, and she sets down two glasses and a bottle of rum as he recounts what happened after their return to the Enchanted Forest, recounts his return to piracy, and “Glad to see you haven’t changed,” she quips, because her mind is still reeling, the sudden simplicity and comfort of her life the past year twisted upside down, the sinking feeling that her memories of holding Henry as a baby, of changing her mind, of taking care of him and raising him are just stories, and nothing feels real anymore, nothing feels right, and if just one thing, just one person could still be the same, that would be very much appreciated.

But Hook only picks up his glass, “There wasn’t anything for me in the Enchanted Forest,” he says simply, “Why would I stay?”

And Emma has nothing she can think of saying, but she wants to say something, because again, he’s talking about her, knows he is, even if he never says the words, thinks (hopes) he hadn’t just disappeared off all on his own, thinks maybe he doesn’t do all that well on his own, thinks of the centuries he had spent on revenge for his first love, thinks of the promise he had made her in Neverland and at the town line, and thinks just maybe —

She opens her mouth, but before she can scrounge up something to say, he tilts his glass for a toast, and she falters, tapping her own glass to his. “And all was well,” he continues, leaning back in his seat, “until I got a message, a message saying there was a new curse, and everyone had been returned to Storybrooke, the message told me that the only hope — was you,”

“You came all the way back here to save my family?” she doesn’t mean for it to sound so doubting, but once again, there was absolutely nothing in it for him, he clearly hadn’t even been caught up in the curse, hadn’t even been with any of them for a year, yet he had gone to pains to track her down in New York, gone to pains to keep trying to convince her to trust him, no matter how long it had taken, how many times she called him crazy, or had slammed the door in his face, or left him to prison.

I came back to save you, is said plainly, so matter of factly that it nearly sounded flat, and Emma doesn’t know what to say to that, because again, he isn’t expecting praise or gratitude, isn’t saying it for anything other than to keep honest with her, because he had again, come back for her, because even back in Neverland he never kept his feelings a secret from her and she can’t even bring herself to return the favor, because he isn’t even expecting her to return the favor, and just how had he managed to find her, get to her?

So instead, she asks him who could’ve done this, but he knows just about as much as she does, alas, you’re the Savior, not me, and he downs the rest of his rum, but Emma can’t help but laugh, because, “You know what I was yesterday? A mother. Until you showed up and started poking holes into everything I thought was real. Drinking that potion was like waking up from a dream — a really good dream,”

She wonders at how easy it is to confide this to him.

“Well you have what matters most — your son,”

“Now I have to figure out how to explain this to him,”

Hook looks apologetic, “Alas, I could only scavenge together enough for one dose of memory potion,”

“I’d better start figuring out what I’m gonna tell him,” she replied quietly, and dammit how the hell had her life just gotten so much harder, so much more complicated in a single day? She has no idea what to even say to Henry, how to make this not sound absolutely insane, and —

The door buzzes, and Hook asks who it is, but oh shit how had she forgotten about Walsh? Henry invited him, she explains, and Hook turns, offers to get rid of him, but her life may not have been real, her memories all jumbled up and twisted and messy right now, but whatever lives she and Henry had made this past year was real, the eight months she spent with Walsh was real, and I owe him an explanation, even if she doesn’t know what that explanation is, or even where to begin.

“What are you going to say to him?” Hook asks, and Emma just feels very tired, just wants to take a damn moment to process everything, take a moment without having to figure out how to explain this insanity to Walsh or Henry, but Hook has been honest to her, and the least she can do is return that honesty.

“I don’t know. But I care about him too much to drag him into all this. Wait here,” she requests.

But turns out she hadn’t needed to think of something to say to Walsh, because Walsh is a fucking flying monkey and Walsh had just tried to kill her, because of course. Why had she even thought that having some semblance of a normal life would be possible for her?

Hook comes bursting through the door to the rooftop, calling out to her in worry, because of course he did, what the blazes was that, but Emma just feels the betrayal, the grief, rage, bitterness swelling up, and maybe the stress of the whole day is getting to her, because again, she just answers him honestly, “A reminder. That I was never safe, that what I wanted — what I thought I could have was not in the cards for the Savior,”

The way he looks at her just makes her feel a bit worse, like he knows exactly what she’s referring to, like he wants to disagree but wouldn’t know if he would be overstepping, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what, but she’s exhausted, drained from the day, from finding out her life is a lie, from Walsh, so she pushes past him, “We leave in the morning.”

(The next morning Hook pounds on the door, she lets him saunter in and he greets her with a wide grin, looks amused at Henry asking if he skipped bail, looks offended at the slight against his clothes, and she calls him Killian for the first time, it’s strange how right it feels to use his name, no matter how wrong it feels lying to Henry, and she reaches for her red leather jacket, reaches for her armor, because she needs it after Walsh, after how her life turned out to be wrong, after how easy it was to confide in Hook.)

(Somehow, she feels that not even her armor can help her much when it comes to Hook.)

12.

“You’ll look for any excuse to use that thing, won’t you?” Emma doesn’t bother hiding her amusement as Hook shakes at the berries with his — well, hook.

“At least we know we’re in the right place, what now?”

“Now we start searching.”

“You know something, Swan,” he starts lightly, “whenever you’re around, I inevitably find myself trekking through some manner of woods or forest courting danger,” he drawls.

“And here I thought you weren’t afraid of anything, always looking for the next adventure,”

“Oh, is that what this is?” he questions her.

“Isn’t it? The hell were you doing for the last year alone on that ship? I’m guessing it was one swashbuckling tale after another. Until you decided to come back and save me,”

She isn’t being fair to him, she knows. But something happened to him in the past year, something has that melancholy constantly in his eyes shining even stronger, something he’s hiding from her, and Walsh is still fresh in her mind, just one more person she had opened her heart to, only to have been hiding something, only to have been lying, just one more person she hadn’t expected the worst from, only to turn around and betray her, and the bitterness at the memory is just rising, frustration from everything going on building, and she still doesn’t know why he came for her.

She isn’t being fair to him, Emma smiles bitterly, because Hook may not be lying, but he’s certainly hiding something from her, and she’s incredibly tired of people not being who they say they are, and fuck she’s stressed and frustrated, frustrated from Walsh, from the lack of answers, from the new curse, her false memories, lying to Henry, and Killian is right there.

“Exactly,” he answers her shortly, and Emma thinks this is the first time he’s really lied to her since they met, and her frustration grows. She isn’t being fair to him but she’s too frustrated to care right now, you’re lying, she turns, confronts him, and Hook’s eyes go flat. “Excuse me?”

“What happened back there, what aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing,” he says cooly, “It’s my tale and I’m sticking to it,” but I still don’t believe you, and she’s only half aware of why she’s still pushing it, still desperately wants answers, wants to know what was so bad that he’s lying to her, wants to know what he’s been doing, how far he had to go to find her, why he went through all that trouble to return her memories, return her to Storybrooke, why he came for her at all, because as much as she wants to trust him, as much as she already trusts him, experience has taught her there has to be more.

But he’s not budging, he’s standing tense, he sounds frustrated as well, “Let’s just leave it at that and you can just say thank you,”

“For my memories? I already did,” and then he mentions Walsh, calls it a would-be loveless marriage, and that — that wasn’t — is that — “Is that what you think you’re doing?” because as good at Hook is at making her feel good, feel at ease, he’s equally good at pushing, getting her on the defensive (just as she knows she is equally good at doing the same to him).

“He was a flying monkey,”

“I didn’t know that,”

“Were you considering it? His proposal?” he asks quietly, and why is he — does it matter, because she really doesn’t want to get into this with anyone, with him, “Humor me,” and Emma kind of wants to laugh at the situation, two people who can read each other ridiculously well, keeping their secrets close to their chest, pushing for answers, but neither willing to budge. But as frustratingly as ever, as much as she wants to shove him away, wants to keep her own feelings, own thoughts in check, he is frustratingly good at pushing her, pushing her buttons, frustratingly easy to speak to.

“Yes, okay,” she snaps, “I was in love, so of course I was considering it. But as usual, he wasn’t who he said he was, and I got my heart broken, that enough humor for you?”

Because the lies, the betrayal is still raw, because she had lived a damn good life in New York, with her son and a guy she had loved, because Hook had shown up on her doorstep and woke her up from that life, because now, once again, she’s been burned by love, betrayed by someone she trusted, because Hook is frustratingly good at bringing out all sorts of feelings she’d much rather keep locked away, because she had started pushing him for answers and in the end, she was the one spilling her secrets, and now she’s even more upset and frustrated than when they had started speaking.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad to hear that,” he says instead, and what? Is there any right way to take that? But because it’s Killian, she knows he means what he says, and she has already let him see past her walls, showed him a piece of her heart, so she gives him the benefit of the doubt, you’re glad to hear I had my heart broken, because she wants to know —

And he’s taking a step closer to her, “If it can be broken,” and her sharp intake of breath was completely involuntary, because he’s so close, he hasn’t been this close since their kiss, and the way he looks at her — “It means it still works,”

She had wanted answers from him, but he’s answering the wrong questions. She doesn’t need her superpower to tell he’s sincere, not with the way he’s looking at her, like he’s speaking from experience, like it’s a lesson he had recently learned (like it’s a lesson she had been the one to teach him), but she has nothing she can say, nothing she wants to say, not when he’s still hiding something, not with Walsh still fresh in her memory, in her heart, not with this damn new curse, and goddamn everything, not now.

Not when, as much as she trusts him already, trusts him to have her back, to be around Henry, she can’t trust him with her heart.

So she does what she does best and runs. (She can hear it takes him several moments to follow, wonders what he was thinking, wonders why she cares about what he thinks.)

13.

Her magic swells, and she can feel the hot cocoa in front of her disappear, shift, reappear over to the booth Killian sits in, on top of the book he’s reading, and the success has her slamming her hand down the counter in delight, “Boom! Granny’s to-go. I should open a franchise,” she sings out, because she feels great, and it’s always so easy to be with Hook, and even just thinking about him makes her think of what he did for her, for Henry, for Ariel, and she feels good, dammit.

“It’s impressive,” he offers, and what, that’s it? She settles into her seat across from him, and she wants him to look impressed, sound more impressed, but he’s been looking drawn and exhausted since he helped Ariel, and she wants him to smile at her, laugh with her, tease her, wants him lighten up, to open up about whatever is bothering him.

“Wanna see something really impressive?” she asks him, pleased smile spreading as she looks at him, and he only sighs, looking back, and nope, that isn’t lightening up, so she waves her hand, feels the surge of magic, and hears the clink of his hook falling onto the coat rack. The continued success has her giggling (god, giggling, what the hell does being in his presence do to her?).

She wants him to laugh, to smile, to make some snarky comment or casual praise, or tease her, wants to help remove whatever cloud has been settling on his shoulders, whatever it was that had him distant, closed off.

Instead, he scowls, getting up to retrieve his hook, that’s bad form, Swan, tampering with a man’s hook, and if she hadn’t already been worried for him before, she certainly would be now. “Okay, seriously, what is up with you?” she keeps her tone light, because maybe she’s reading too much into it, but she’s still curious, worried for him.

“I apologize for my rudeness,” he sighs, getting back to his seat, “It’s a long story, too long for now,” and he takes a swig from his flask, and clearly she wasn’t reading too much into it, but now she is properly worried for her best friend.

Oh god.

Emma had to stop and take a moment as it occurred to her. Because somehow, somewhere along the way, between Neverland and New York and the Wicked Witch of the West, Killian Jones, Captain Hook, had become her best friend — her confidant.

Because in this completely fucked up town filled with fairy tales, where her parents are Snow White and Prince Charming, and she’s after the Wicked Witch with her friends Belle, and the Evil Queen, and — yes, Captain Hook — for as long as she’s known him, even with his flowery language and pirate regalia and cluelessness to modern conveniences, he’s always felt the realest person around, both of them equally cynical and sarcastic, both burned by the world, both had to learn to fend for themselves early on.

How was this her life.

But regardless, something serious is bothering him, and she has confided in him many times before, back in Neverland, in New York, about Neal, about Walsh, about her doubts, her frustrations, and for once she wants to be able to return the favor, “Okay,” she starts slowly, “obviously, something’s —“

But then Belle slams the door to the Diner open, stumbling in with a great, old, massive book, calling out to her and dropping the book on the table hastily. “Zelena’s plan,” and she must’ve been running to them because she’s still panting, “I figured out what she’s doing,” and suddenly Emma has more to worry about than how Killian had managed to secure his spot as her best friend, has to take a rain check on figuring out what was wrong with him, has to push her worries aside for now.

(They may not be in the forefront of her mind, but it certainly resurfaces every time her eyes fall on him, sees the shadows in his eyes, sees the way he looks like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders, sees the way he has no patience for just about anything, the way his quips are born more often from frustration than attempts at humor, and the way she doesn’t know how to help.)

14.

“I never should have brought Henry back to Storybrooke,” Emma tells Hook, because no matter how pissed of she is with him at the moment, he’s still the easiest person to talk to.

“You did what you felt was right,”

“I did what you manipulated me into,” and yeah, she isn’t being all that fair to him, knows she’s not being rational, knows it was very much her own choice, but she’s still so angry, still lashing out at him, because he lied to her, put Henry in danger, and she cursed me, and had broken her trust, and he’s talking about her parents and the town needing her, but “Henry, also needed me. We were happy in New York, and when I’m done melting this witch, I’d like us to be happy again.”

“You know, as content as you were in that city, it wasn’t real,”

“It was real for me,” she denies, “For him, everything that happened, happened,” but, as always, Hook isn’t afraid to keep pushing her, even when she’s already furious with him, when he knows she’s angry, and like it or not, a big part of you and Henry belongs in this town, but Henry had nearly died today, Neal had died in her arms, Zelena’s after her unborn sibling, Killian himself had been cursed, been turned into a weapon against her, turned into an attempt at taking her magic.

“What does the boy think?”

“He’s a kid! He wants chocolate milk in his cereal, I’m his mother, I know what’s best for him.”

“What’s best for him?” he asks, slowing his walk to face her properly, to urge her to a stop as well, and he looks rather unimpressed by any of her arguments, “or for you?”

“Excuse me?” she scoffs, pushing past him.

“You’ve taken care of the boy quite well here,” he points out, catching up to her “you talk about danger all you like, but it isn’t that. So tell me, what is it? Why are you so scared of staying? I think it’s because you can see a future here — a happy one,”

She does not want to get into this with him, doesn’t want to consider just how right he might be, doesn’t want to look any deeper for why she wants to run back to New York, so she reaches for the nearest thing she can to push him away, “Let me guess — with you?”

It hits the mark, and before Emma can even start to feel guilty at the look on his face, the look she put there, Zelena interrupts, drawling sarcastically, and Emma has no patience for her, the weeks of frustration that had been building in her, the fear for Henry, for her parents, for her sibling, the anger for Neal and Hook —

“Next time you try taking my power, why don’t yo try enchanting the lips of someone I’ll actually kiss,” she snaps at her.

“See, Emma, you’ve got a decision to make,” and Emma’s just getting more annoyed by the tone of her voice, “You can keep your magic, which makes you oh-so-sad, or you can save the man that you can’t wait to run away from,”

She barely even has time to register Zelena’s words, to question her, before Gold sends Hook flying and into a water-filled well, holding him in place, and —

Her heart leaps into her throat, any anger she had been holding on for him rapidly fading in the face of him being in danger, and she’s running for him, grasping at his shoulders, pulling and pulling, but he doesn’t budge, he’s trapped and drowning and he’s struggling, struggling, and Killian is the one drowning but Emma can’t breathe, because his fight is fading, he’s falling limp and —

“Try all you like,” Zelena calls out to her, and Emma snaps out of it, turning to her, “you can’t free him,” and Emma thinks the coldness of her voice might just be worse than the mocking, because she’s staring down at them impassively, only the faintest smirk on her face, but Killian is still underwater, and she disappears in a cloud of green, and only then does she finally, finally, pull him free.

The relief is short-lived.

She’s calling out his name, but he’s just lying there, and he’s not responding, not breathing, she’s calling his name but he still won’t wake up and he can’t die, she couldn’t handle it, Hook, wake up, she thinks of Graham, thinks of Neal, and she couldn’t bear to lose one more person she cares for, and Killian, come back to me, she doesn’t even care if she’s begging, because he’s too still, he shouldn’t be this still —

Not this man who’s always so animated, who speaks thousands of words with just a look, who wears his heart on his sleeve, who feels and shows his emotions with all his whole being, who’s constantly emphasizing his words with hand gestures or his stupidly animated eyebrows, or his deep blue eyes, who’s smile and humor always manages to brighten her own mood, who had come back for her, who keeps coming back for her.

She can’t lose him.

She has nothing to help him with, but he’s still lying in front of her, Hook, she tries again, but there’s nothing around, and she’s out of options, but they still need her magic to stop Zelena, but Killian is dying, and she thinks the last time she felt this all-consuming fear was when Henry had been cold and limp and breathless, under the sleeping curse, and when he had given his heart to Pan.

She can’t lose him.

But without her magic, they’ll be out of options, out of weapons.

See, Emma, you’ve got a decision to make.

She can’t lose him, magic be damned.

Son of a bitch, she mutters, before pinching Killian’s nose shut to give him CPR.

(As if there’s any decision to be made.)

She feels her magic drain, feels the wrongness of it, but Emma pulls back, and he’s still not breathing, and she’s starting to get desperate and she’s cradling his face, and, Hook, come back to me, she whispers, she pleads —

And then he’s twisting, coughing out water, and Emma thinks maybe she could cry from the relief, she certainly feels herself slump over a bit, and her hand comes up to cradle the back of his head just before it slams back on the ground, and he’s saying her name, and it’s shaky, it’s weak, still just a bit waterlogged, but Emma can’t remember the last time she felt so relieved, so happy to hear someone just say her name, but Hook’s hand comes up to his lips and —

“What did you do?” he asks roughly, “What did you do?” because of course he cares more about her magic than his own life, because he’s so ridiculously selfless despite what he pretends, because she had been furious at him just minutes before, had told him she couldn’t trust him anymore, didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, because she keeps pushing him away, keeps running from him even when he’s the easiest person to talk to, confide in — maybe because he’s the easiest person to talk to.

But she won’t take this from him, not now, not when she had nearly lost him, not when she can’t bear to lose anyone else she cares for, not when all she could think of when he lay limp and lifeless was how much he means to her, his smiles and jokes and sarcasm and cynicism and even his damn broodiness, how much she couldn’t stomach the idea of losing him, losing what he is to her, even if she doesn’t know what that is yet.

Right now, right this moment, all that matters to her is that Killian is still alive, that Killian is breathing, and she’ll bask in this for now.

15.

David’s calling her.

She should answer, but she can’t think of anything to say to him, doesn’t particularly want to talk to him about this, doesn’t want to try to get him to understand. You’re making a mistake, Hook calls out, because of course he’d be the one to come after her, to follow her, and if she didn’t to speak to David about this, she definitely doesn’t want to speak to Hook, who’s far too good at knowing how to push her.

“Don’t listen to me, listen to your son,” he says, undeterred, slowing only once he’s reached her, “he thought this,” and he pulls out the stupid, goddamn storybook out of his satchel, holding it out to her, “might remind you of what you’re leaving behind — your family.”

“Henry is my family, and I am taking him where he is safe.”

“No, Swan, safety first nonsense is just that. You defeated the bloody Wicked Witch, you defeated Pan, you broke the curse — but you keep running. What are you looking for?”

Because he always seems to know that there’s more, always manages to read her fears, and really, there isn’t much point in lying to him, either, so she answers quietly, home, hopes he’ll leave it at that. Except he never does. “And that’s in New York?” he questions doubtfully. “That wasn’t real,”

Except the last year, the last year when she had some semblance of a normal life, with her son and a job (a guy she loves), and yeah, they were fake memories, but she and Henry can go back and make new memories, make it real, make it feel like home, but Hook shakes his head, “Why can’t you do that here, with your entire family?”

And her eyes fall to the storybook he’s still holding out to her, and she’s reminded, again, of the story her parents were telling her new brother, some ridiculous first meeting with a robbery, and ogres, and knights, of magic and True Love, and Emma?

Emma is no fairytale story, no outlandish adventures, no balls and gowns and crowns and ruling kingdoms — just foster home after foster home, either unwanted by the family or she herself making the decision to leave, to run. She was just a bailbonds person with a criminal record and a son from a teenage pregnancy, and she may have magic, may be from True Love, or whatever else fairytale story she hears, but that’s all they are — stories — and she snatches the book from his hands impulsively, “Because of this! I don’t see my family here, I see... fairytales, I see stories of princes and princesses and — that’s not me. I was never a part of any of this,”

Because Emma feels that if anyone can understand her, it is Hook. “Then what are you a part of, Swan?” he asks gently, because her instincts about him are rarely wrong, and she realizes, suddenly just how swapped their positions are now from the year before, when she told him he could become a part of something rather than going off and being alone.

He had done it, had helped them rescue Henry from Neverland, had found her and returned her memories, brought her to her parents, stood and helped and fought at her side, and is now — one of the heroes. And now he sits with her, asks if she is a part of something, if she would rather try and be a part of something or go off and do what she does best. “Besides being with Henry, I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of anything,” she answers him honestly.

“But you could be,” Killian finally moves to sit beside her.

Emma sighs, shutting the book, turning to face him properly. “Look, when I was a kid, I ran away, it’s just what I did,” she would get no judgement from him, she knows this, “The first time I did it, I had the same exact thought. I wondered, what if I’m making a mistake, what if I miss this place?”

“And did you?”

“Not the first time. Not any time.”

“So you just keep running,” and Emma can’t quite figure out what’s in his voice, but she has never found a home, never found a place she missed when leaving, and home is the place, when you leave, you just miss it, and she couldn’t miss what she never even remembered she had, couldn’t miss her parents or Storybrooke or Hook, not the past year, couldn’t remember if she ever, truly regretted running from some place, something, someone, and really, she doesn’t even miss New York, only the vague idea of a normal life, and until she feels that? She’ll just keep moving, keep running, keep her walls high up, keep doing what she does best, keeps being alone.

“So you’re just going to leave your parents then? Don’t you even care about them? Or anyone in this town?”

He’s not talking about the town. Emma knows this as well as she knows he had been talking about himself in New York, perhaps there’s a man that you love, but does he really not know? She still remembers him cold and lifeless, not waking up no matter how hard she shakes him, how loud she calls his name, still remembers the cold terror that she might lose him, remembers all the drinks they shared, the times he was her first thought when looking for someone to take care of Henry, remembers him sitting across from her in an empty diner, the weight of his curse leaving him distant, snappish, and all she had wanted was to hear him tease her again.

She thinks sometimes he is the only one she wants to talk to, thinks he might be the only one she feels comfortable telling all of this to, thinks she’s —

She’s leaving, but she doesn’t want him to doubt, “Of course I care. I just have to do what’s right for me, and Henry, and —”

There’s a great, glowing beacon reaching up to the sky, and she’s up and heading towards it before she even registers getting up from the bench, and, again, Hook is up and calling after her, chasing her.

16.

“You might not be able to move, Swan,” Hook starts, sounding mildly amused, “but you cut quite the figure in that dress.”

Emma can’t stop the pleased grin spreading on her face. You’re not so bad yourself, pirate, she thinks delightedly, but before she can speak, Midas approaches and greets them, who do I have the honor to welcome into my home, and oh shit, they hadn’t discussed aliases, and Hook is being absolutely no help, “Charles, Prince Charles,” she interrupts his stammering, “And I am Princess... Leia.”

Henry would be so proud, she thinks as she curtsies. They move in, and she’s been told so many stories, but now she’s living it, thinks of all the time Mary Margaret and David mention this or that ball and, “What’s the big deal about these things?” she asks Killian, but he doesn’t answer.

He doesn’t have to, after all, and Emma stares at the people mulling about in lavish clothes and sharing food and socializing, and stares at the center of it all, where people have paired up, dancing smoothly to the music, and it really is as fairytale as it sounded.

“You were saying?” he whispers teasingly, and only then does Emma realize she’s gaping, and all these princes and princesses, dancing with one another in unfamiliar movements — what am I supposed to do?

But Hook is taking her hand gently, slowly tugging her into the crowd, and he’s got a look on his face that Emma doesn’t want to name, smiling at her delightedly, blend in, and for a pirate, he doesn’t look remotely out of place, looks completely at ease with the situation, and hang on, wait, so many things could go wrong, she doesn’t know how to dance, and, “Wait, are you saying you know how to do — whatever this is?”

“It’s called a waltz,” he says cooly, settling one of her hands on her shoulder, moving the other to his false hand, and “There’s only one rule,” he continued, gently resting his hand on her waist, and he’s so close to her, their eyes meet, and and he’s completely open to her, another one of those moments when he’s completely dropping his pirate persona, the flirtatious bravado, letting her see that gentleman beneath, and he’s staring at her like he’s —

“Pick a partner who knows what he’s doing,” he grins and starts to move, and it isn’t difficult at all to follow his lead, because they make a great team, they always have, and that partnership had always carried over, whether it was knocking out giants, or getting around Neverland, or fighting Zelena, or even in quieter moments, when they are alone, when they have a conversation with a single look, or their easy banter, or, apparently — dancing the waltz.

He’s grinning at her like he just can’t help himself, and she’s smiling back because she just can’t help herself, and with Hook it’s so easy, and once again, she is so unspeakably glad that he is here with her, that she wasn’t alone falling through the portal, that he is the one who somehow managed to be by her side through this. She still doesn’t know if he had fallen in like she had, or if had simply followed her, because he always follows her, and she can’t think of anyone else she’d rather have by her side right now.

(she thinks she’s falling in —)

“Watch the mocking, I’m actually getting the hang of this,” she whispers to him, because there can’t be any other reason for why he’s looking at her like she’s the greatest thing he has ever seen.

“I’m not mocking you, Swan, I was just thinking about what you said in Storybrooke, about not being a princess,”

“Really,” she nearly laughs, “You get my first dance at my first royal ball, and all you can say is ‘I told you so?’”

“I believe what I’m trying to say, your Highness,” he corrects her, “is that you appear to be a natural,” she spies her father across the room before she can respond, and they quickly look away before anyone can notice them staring, and it isn’t all that hard to pretend to focus on Killian’s face, because she doesn’t have to pretend at all.

They dance, and Emma is helpless to grin back when Killian is looking at her like that, and Emma thinks the feeling of his hand on her waist feels right, and he feels good standing this close, and they are good together, they always have been, and Emma thinks that right this moment, the world consists only of the two of them, because she thinks she’s already halfway in —

17.

“But you can,” Killian insist, “All he said we need is magic, you’re the Savior, Swan, you can do it,”

“Not anymore, I lost it,” she reminds him, because she still can’t really feel it, can’t reach her magic, no matter how much she tries.

“When Zelena dies, all of her spells were undone, your powers should’ve been restored,”

“Believe me,” she snaps, “If I could make it work, I would, you think I’m faking it?”

And clearly he isn’t interested in holding back his opinions much longer, “I think not having magic makes it a hell of a lot easier for you to run back to New York and pretend to be somebody else,” and Emma thinks this is the first time he really gave her his own opinions on her leaving, gave her his true thoughts, told flatly and matter of factly, rather than just a vague disapproval and gentle persuasions to change her mind.

“But listen to me, Swan. You’re not. It’s time to stop running.”

Except Emma already knows this, has finally accepted it after one to many blank expressions, her parents looking at her, but not seeing her, of Ruby giving nothing more than polite conversations, of Blue’s knowing looks, and even the way Killian’s past self had looked right through her, missing all of their shared moments and connection, just another warm body to take to bed for the night.

“Yes, I run away, that’s how I’ve always survived, but believe me, I want this to work, I wanna go back. I wanna stop running.”

Almost immediately, Killian softens, “What’s changed your mind?”

And she remembers the way they were all helpless to watch her mom get executed, the way she had panicked, so scared of losing another loved one, remembers the way Killian had pulled her into him, remembers the way all she could do after was replay that single moment over and over until Killian mentioned his brother, until they realized Snow was still alive. She thought of the way she leapt forward to hug her mother but she had simply smiled politely before moving on, thinks of how her father had helped with her escape from Regina’s dungeon but barely gave her more than a curious look, remembers the way Killian had wiped her tears, the way she had watched her father fall in love with her mother, thought of what Mary Margaret had said to her so long ago, back when she had just been her roommate, thought about how she had been so busy trying to keep out pain with her walls, she hadn’t been able to let love through, either.

Not her parents’ love for her, not her own love for them, for her new baby brother, had constantly kept Killian at a distance because of how he made her feel, regardless of how little reason she has to not trust him, regardless of how much she feels she could someday return his feelings (especially because she feels she’s already on her way to returning them).

“I had saved and lost her, too. And that’s what I’ve been doing to her since I met her. It’s gotta stop,” Killian is only watching her patiently, encouragingly, and it just makes the words tumble out of her mouth, “When Henry brought me to Storybrooke, he told me I was the Savior. I didn’t see what he was really doing. He was not bringing me back to break a curse, he was bringing me home.”

And she misses it. Misses the loft, misses the diner, the clocktower and library, misses the docks and the forests, and her parents and her brother, and Henry, misses the grilled cheese and onion rings, misses the cocoa with cinnamon, the coffee at the sheriff’s station, misses the feel of magic and Leroy’s screaming about danger, misses it all, and Neal was right, because she feels at home in Storybrooke, at home with Henry and her parents and her brother and she wants to go home, because “Being with my parents these last few days but not really being with them — I’ve never missed them more.”

She’s ready to accept it now. “Storybrooke — it’s my home,”

But Killian is smiling down at her, knowing and proud, and she doesn't know why he’s smiling, but it’s Killian and she can’t help but return his smile. “What?”

“Look down,” is all he says, still looking entirely to proud and pleased and smug, and the wand is working, and she’s just staring, looking back at him to see if it really is, if she really does — “I’d say you’ve got your magic back,” he says simply. “Now, shall we go?”

18.

Emma’s home. Emma’s home, and she’s called her parents mom and dad and Henry is delighted by the fact that they're staying now, and she is too, except —

Except something isn’t right, something is missing, someone is missing, and she has told the story of her fairytale adventure, has shared her success to he mom and her dad and Henry, and even her baby brother but —

But Killian, who had been by her side throughout it all, who was the only piece of home she had left as they were trapped in the past, Killian who had taken her to Rumplestiltskin, helped plan Snow stealing the ring, who had taken her hand and led her to the dance floor, who had opened himself to her as they danced her first dance at her first royal ball — Killian who had pulled her close when she thought her mother was about to die, who comforted her and wiped her tears, who she is halfway —

He is not at her side now. She misses him.

He isn’t even in the diner. She finds him alone outside, and her heart aches at the lonely picture he paints, playing with his flask.

She does not want him to be alone.

“So,” she starts lightly, taking the seat closest to him, “do you think Rumplestiltskin is right? I’m in the Book now. He said everything besides our little adventure would go back to normal. Do you think that it is?” She does not even know why she’s asking this, just knows she doesn't want him to sit alone.

“He’s right,” he says, “Otherwise I’d remember that damn bar wench I kissed.” he eyes her slightly, and Emma has to laugh, how would that prove anything, because Hook had looked right through her as well, does not look at her like Killian does, like he’s in —

But Killian just smirks at her, looking unfairly attractive as he reminds her, “I know how you kiss. I’d have gone after her. But I didn’t, my life went on exactly the same as before.”

“Must’ve been the rum,” she murmurs, because he isn’t lying.

“Everything’s back to normal. You’re a bloody hero, Swan,”

“So are you,” she reminds him, because sometimes it seems he needs the reminding, and he only chuckles, only looks away, but Emma won’t let him dismiss it that easy, not when he has done so much for her and for her family, not when he had brought her back from New York, “I wanted to thank you, Killian.”

He looks up, meets her eyes, and he looks so confused, as if she has no reason to thank him, and it just makes her want to push this further, regardless of the more dangerous territories the conversation might head towards. “For going back for me in the first place in New York. If you hadn’t —“

“It was the right thing to do,” is all he says, and Emma — Emma has wondered, for so long how, how he found her, how he tracked her down, for he crossed realms to find her, to save her, to bring her home. She’s been dancing around the question for so long. “How did you do it? How did you get to me?”

(Emma doesn't even know if she’s talking about New York or her heart.)

“Well, the curse was coming. I ditched my crew and took the Jolly Roger as fast and as far as I possibly could to outrun it.” he says it like it’s nothing, you outran a curse, but she should really stop being so surprised by him, “I’m a hell of a captain,” he laughs, and continues, “And once I was outside the curse’s purview, I knew that the walls were down, transport between worlds was possible again... all I needed was a magic bean,”

“Those are not easy to come by,” he shifts, then, looks away from her, looks uncertain and melancholic and suddenly, Emma feels that she is missing something major, and Killian looks like he doesn’t want her to press anymore, but —

“They are if you’ve got something of... value to trade.”

“And what was that?” she asks lightly. How many doubloons or jewels or gold and treasure —

“Why the Jolly Roger, of course.” he says as if it’s obvious, as if it’s something anyone would do, as if it was just another object, another piece of jewelry, like it wasn’t possibly one of the biggest sacrifices he could make, and Emma —

Stares.

Stunned.

Because he’s plastered on a forced smile, kept his tone light, because he’s trying to shrug it off like it’s nothing, trying to keep his bravado up, as if it’s —

Maybe she heard wrong, you traded your ship for me, but he only drops the act, and he’s staring at her, honest, “Aye.” and she knows, knows what this means to him, to her, knows he’s giving her his heart to keep or break, knows he likely wouldn’t care either way, because he came back for her, took her to Neverland, helped save her father’s life, helped save Henry’s life, and he bore his heart to her for the first time on the beanstalk, and again under the decks of his ship, in Neverland, at the town line, in New York, in the forests of Storybrooke, in the past, knows she has had his heart for so long now, and she knows he wouldn’t break her heart because he is who he says he is.

Because he’s saying it not to gain favor but simply because she had asked and he didn't want to lie. Because she thinks she might already be halfway in love with Killian Jones. Because she’s tired of denying that she couldn't bear to lose him in her life.

So she kisses him, and he doesn’t even move until her lips are pressed to his, letting her take the lead and they are kissing for the first real time, because Neverland was passion and attraction and heat of the moment, but now, now doesn't kiss him for his ship, or as thanks or for some diversion tactic, she kisses him because she can’t bear not to, because as much as she had buried away her weaknesses, as much as she put up mile high walls around her heart, he sees right through them, and waits patiently for the ones he can’t get past, and she wants to let him in.

They stop for a breath and she smiles at him, because it’s perfect, and he smiles in return, and this time he is the one leaning in, and Emma’s letting down her walls to love her family, to love her home, to someday, maybe, love Killian, and she’s letting down her walls to be loved in return, and she has never felt more safe, has never felt more at peace.

She thinks she’s finally ready to take that chance and let him in.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"Because then you're going to have to answer life's biggest question: What kind of man are you going to be?"

ONCE UPON A TIME: 3.5: GOOD FORM | 5.14: DEVIL'S DUE