#LIKE I FUCKING HAGE MYSELF AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HATING MYSELF

[endyark]

im tempted to make a massive vent post but idk if that's a good idea

[thanatos-drive]

I'm not going to be able to move out. My stuff that is. I have a bunch of cuts and bruises on my arms and legs. I can't. I just can't. I'm gonna fucking loose it all.

I can't move. I havent been able for a while now. The temperature is really low and the moment I take off the covers im jn I immidiately Start cramping. Idk If the windows were left open in purpose as an incentive to kick me out. But all its done its made me unable to do anything for a month. That's all I did just laid down if im in th3 house. So of course the moment I get up I'm all curved and unable to stand.

I'm not going to be able to move my things. This has to be on purpose. I don't have the money to afford moving services and I can't do it myself.

I fell again for a 4th time. I think I mentioned that. I was trying to move my wheelchair as that's one of the heaviest things I own, so of course I slip and loose my balance. Now the wheelchair and walker are on the floor and I can't pick them up and I can't even check where I'm bleeding.

So of course the natural response I have is to beat my face until I cant feel my hands. I'm so done with this useless fucking body. I can't do anything. I won't do anything. No matter how high the stakes are I can't make my body do anything.

I don't bring my backpack from the car because it's too heavy. My duffel bag,anything because it's too goddamn heavy. How am I supposed to do anything more than the things that already hurt too much?

Again this feels on purpose so that I leave all my stuff behind. It would probably be sold.

I cant feel my thumb. This wqs from before I hit myself, but I can't type, the 62 temperature inside the house isn't helping. All the food I have is expired, I won't throw it away because I spent money on it. I havent followed up either w my counselor. I stopped taking my antidepressants because they made me feel so sick and nauseus. I actually passed out.

I feel like I'm dying but for some r3ason I haven't yet. Why the fick am I not dead yet.

Fucjinf ehlers danlos. I hate it. I hate me.

I really wish I could kill me. But it's starting to feel selfish of others for them to be mad at me for jt.

They dint know. I can't even tyke this. I can't more my thumb anymore.

I FUCKKNG HAGE ME. HAE .E . HATE ME. GOD I CANT EVN TYOE IT.

[slabofrawmeat]

i will always have a fucking womans body ill always have it ill always have memories of woman experience my childhood will only be the female experience everything i do and think my schemas are all built upon foundations of femininity my body functions as a female because my chromosomes dictate that like yes i can identify as a man and i can get a binder but internally to myself i myself can never be what i desire its just outward appearance im fucking crying right now i feel so ill why cant everything be so much easier i hate who i am now and id hage myself more if i transitioned bcos every day its a reminder that ill never be born a man and that u can only achieve so much with it

[undeadvinyls]

oh how i love to wake up with self worth issues about ocs.

[italianeyes]

nicoals cage

d bird .

[hellfire--hearts]

i hate this place I hate this place I hate this place I hate this place I hate this place

[toberlonetrombone]

Listen I like seeing couple happy and being cute BUT FUCKING HELL I JUST WANT SOMEONE YO LOVE ME 😭😭😭

[broadwaypunk]

I posted a video of my dog on tik tok and bitches are saying actually you aren’t his dad you are his mom and I’m just like why what makes your life better by doing this how does this effect you are you happier somehow what the fuck is happening

[kuvvydraws]

So... In short, I love Skimbleshanks! I went through a whole mfing journey in the last two days regarding the Cats Franchise and if you want to hear about it, you’ll find it under the “keep reading“ part (if I manage to do it right)

· kofi · PATREON ·

I... did myself physical and psychical damage by watching the 2019 version after two years of watching some movie reviews, but I was bored and said, “yknow what? We’re going to watch it, fuck that noise“

It was a mistake. A bad one.

I could only manage 10 minutes?? Maybe??? And then when the roaches with human faces started doing shit with the cat lady that has a bikini under ther fur, I just... Bailed.

Three months later, I did watch it -but like, sideways.... Doing something else, seeing if I could distract myself enough not to watch the screen but so I could still listen to the songs. I was confused and I’d save nothing from that film other than Munkustrap’s voice and Skimbleshanks number (because the train tap dancing did leave me with an open mouth and a haging jaw).

So I decided to search for the musical/ the 1998 version.

I am in love.

I adore every character and their personalities, I love the plot, the music and the danding, I love the constumes... I could go on and on! I can actually identify the cats! The bastard stay in-character no matter who’s singing and the all have fantastic, juicy asses that are on-screen for most of the recording so that’s a bonus.

I love this shit to the point I have it as background music as I draw, that’s how into it I am.

I still hate the orgy scenes in both versions, even if the theatre/1998 is more palatable (and I use that word lightly, I didn’t miss how Plato needed Skimbleshanks help to top Victoria, no thanks)

[jojonokimyounaboukeneyesofheaven]

i wish i owned a gun i want to kill myself so bad i wish i would die tonight i have no one i can even talk abt it n i hate it n misha has been riding leos dick on all their socials and i just i hage it i knew it was gonna happen like that and i hage it i jate misha u have ruined my fucking life u broke and belittled me and then left me with nothing i am going to blow my brains out infront of u u little shit i fucking hate u

[zebruh]

I cannot take another fuckin bad day like this I'm at my wits fuckin END here I'm sitting here trying to force myself to cry and got my eyes to water but nothing more than that cause I need some kinda fuckin stress relief cause I've got fuckin chest pains thatre making me fuckin nauseous and everything getting on my nerves I've had a constant fuckin anxiety attack since god damn four today and its fuckin 917 now and I'm about to lose my SHIT I HATE MY JOB SO MUCH I HATE THAT PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE IM LESS THAN HUMAN IF I SO MUCH AS BREATHE IN THEIR DIRECTION WHILE BEING TRANS I HATE THAT PEOPLE REFUSE TO SEE ME AS A MAN AND ACT LIKE IM IN THE WRONG FOR ASKING FOR SOME BADIC FUCKIN RESPECT I HATE THAT MY BOSS ALWAYS SEES ME AS THE AGGRESSOR NO MATTER WHAT I DO I HATE THAT MY BOSS HATES ME FOR EXISTING I HAGE THAT MY BOSS TOOK THE SIDE OF THE MAN WHO THREATENED TO BEAT AND RAPE ME BECAUSE SHE DOESNT LIKE ME I HATE THAT CUSTOMERS ARE CUNTS I HATE THAT BALDING OLD MAN WHO CUSSED ME OUT TODAY I HATE THAT MOTHERFUCKER SO DAMN MUCH HES LUCKY I DIDNT CUSS HIM OUT I HATE THAT MY DADS DEAD I HATE THAT I NEVER GOT TO TELL HIM SO MUCH SHIT I HATE THAT MY BIRTH MOTHER DID ALL THE SHIT SHE DID TO ME MY SISTER MY DAD AND MY SISTERS DAD I HATE MY FAMILY FOR DISOWNING ME WHEN I CAME OUT ABOUT LIKING WOMEN I HATE THE REST OF THEM FOR DISOWNING ME WHEN I WENT ON T I HATE MY FAMILY FOR CALLING ME ALL THESE HORRIBLE THINGS TO JUSTIFY THEIR DISOWNING ME I HATE THAT I LIVE IN A WORLD THAT SEES ME AND MY FRIENDS AS LESS THAN HUMAN BECAUS EKF SHIT WE CANT HELP I HATE EVERYTHING THERES SO MUCH THAT IM ANGRY ABOUT BUT NOTHING I CAN FUCKING DO TO CHANGE IT IM FUCKING ANGGRY THAGS ALL I AM ANYMORE IS ANGRY AND IT SUCKS I WANNA SCREAM I WANT TO NOT BE SUFFERING EVERY TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE I WANT TO BE A FUCKIN HERMIT CAUSE THE ONLY TIME IM ACTUALLY HAPPY IS WHEN IM AT HOME AND NOWHERE ELSE I HATE THIS PLACE I HATE THIS STATE I HATE THIS COUNTRY I HATE THIS FAMILY I HATE MH JOB I HATE EVERYTHING

[saelwen]

Lost in Middle-Earth

Thranduil x reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Summary: Y/n finds herself falling asleep after watching all the Lord of the rings movie on Friday night, tired after a week of studying and working. What will happen when she finds herself in the middle of a forest with orcs running after her  

Warnings: None only Thranduil being a sassy bitch

Words:1,836

A/n : First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who like it this story! I really appreciate the support. You guys are awesome.

(Thranduil P.O.V)

I was sitting on my throne, waiting for Mithrandir to came in. I put my hand on my face, letting a sigh fall from my lips. What on the Valar it’s going on?! First there's a Human yelling that she is from another world and know Mithrandir appears of know where, saying that someone has arrive to Middle-Earth. This is crazy, so much had happened to me this millennium, the death of my wife, my son leaving me for seek adventure after the battle of the five armies and now this. If this little human right, why is she here?  

The sound of doors opening interrupted my thoughts, I look up and see Mithrandir walk to the throne. I sit more straight, lifting my head high, “What is it this time, Mithrandir?” I said with a bored voice, “King Thranduil. I’ve come here to talk about a certain human that you found in your forest.” I sigh and shake my head “The human that was found in my forest it has lost her mind. Maybe the poison that the orc’s dagger had corrupted her, I wouldn’t be surprised since edain are so fragile and weak.” Mithrandir looks to me with a confused face “What do you mean she have lost her mind? What exactly it she saying?” I lift my right hand and start playing with the rings on my fingers “When she woke up, she looked confused and afraid but when I ask her which village that was she from, she said ‘I’m not from this world’. Tell me Mithrandir, do you believe her?” he looks down, seeming lost in thoughts. He begins murmuring something under his breath, “She might be right...The Valar had send me a message saying that Eru himself have send a special human from another realm to Middle-Earth. I think she was sent to help since the One Ring have been found.” with this information I stand up “How was this possible? How Sauron have managed find the One Ring?” I said with panic in voice “The hobbit that was charge of bring the ring to Rivendell was found by the Nazgul's but a ranger succeed to bring him there.” a hobbit? Who would let a hobbit take the One Ring to Rivendell? “King Thranduil if you don’t mind, could I have a word with this human?” I think for a while, how could this human had been sent by Eru? I nod in approval and I tell the guards to bring the human.

(Y/n P.O.V)

The sound of the cell door opening woke me up, I look up and see an elf barging in “W..What’s happening?” I said with a weak voice. The elf grabs me by the arm and force me to stand up “The King wish to see you.” oh shit where we go again, the guard took me out of the cell and lead me to the throne room. During the trip there, I notice how beautiful this place is. The huge pillars decorate with beautiful elven symbols, the bridges were so elegant like I never seen in my life. I was so captivated with the place that didn't notice that we have arrive.

The big doors open and the guard lead me over where the throne was it. There sitting was of course Thranduil, in all of his glory, with an arrogant smirk. The guard throw me and I fall on my knees in front of the throne, a little cry falls from my lips as my body it still hurts from all the stuff have happen to me. Suddenly I feel a comforting warm hand on my back, I look up and see an old man offering me his hand, I took it and whisper a small thank you. He gives me a warm smile, making his skin wrinkles in the corners of his mouth, as I stand up, I took a good look at him, he is wearing a grey robe with a pointy grey hat, he has long dirty grey hair and a long beard. Wait...This is Gandalf!! I try calm down my inner fangirl. Jesus I can’t believe that Gandalf it’s right in front of me, “Hello young one.”  he said with a calm voice “I hope you are feeling better.” I nod “Hello Gandalf The Grey. I could be better if the elvenking haven’t throw into a dungeon.” last words I said with venom as I look to Thranduil, who was now with a frown on his face, as for Gandalf, his face was priceless, his mouth was haging open and his eyes were wide open, I would laugh my ass out but that would make me look like a crazy woman. Gandalf gives a little cough, “I’m sorry My Lady but how do you know my name?” ohhhh right... fuck how I'm going to say that Middle-Earth is fiction story in my world? “Ahh well you see I'm from another world and in there Middle-Earth is just a story. Don’t ask me how I got here because I don’t know. All I know is that I woke up in the middle of a forest, attacked by an orc and then woke up again here. Please you have to believe me!” I plead to him, I hear Thranduil groan and almost feel him rolling his eyes, Christ I hate him, “Calm down child...i believe you.” at this I feel my body relax from happiness “You do?” he nods “Yes...If you know so much about our world, then you understand the dangers that live in it.” he said with a serious voice, I nod, feeling a bit afraid now that I think of all the creatures that live here. “Ok then. King Thranduil I need you take this lovely lady as your guest a while I go find more answers about this...strange event.” Thranduil makes a weird face “Why do I have to taker in? Take her to rivendell or something.” wow what a charming King, I roll my eyes and cross my arms “I don’t need to be protect by greedy king, I can go to the near village or something.” if look could kill, I would be dead right now, the look that Thranduil is giving me was cold and angry, “No...ahhh I'm sorry what's your name, My Lady?” Gandalf ask with a guilty voice, “My name is Y/n.” he nods “Okay Y/n, you can’t go wonder around Middle-Earth, it’s too dangerous for a human like you. Here it’s the safest place for you right now.” I huff and nod, I know that I'm being childish but I can’t stand that sassy king, I'm certain that he is going my live here difficult. Gandalf bow to him and then turns to me “Hope you have a lovely day Y/n.” then he closes the distance between us and whisper in my ear “And good luck with him, I think he needs someone like you.” with that he leaves with a small smile. I stand there with a shocked face. Very funny Gandalf. Thranduil lift up from his throne and walk towards me, “Listen well woman, I don’t want you walking around on my kingdom, you only leave your room with my guards and you will always accompany me on dinner. Am I clear?” I sigh, I've known that this would happen, he would never let me alone, walking around in his kingdom, “Yes, your highness.” I said sarcastically “Good. Tauriel will show you to your new room.” as he said that a beautiful woman enters the room, waiting for me by the door. I nod and walk towards her, thinking of what hell did I get myself into?!

(Thranduil P.O.V)

I had to control my anger when Mithrandir said the human had to stay here. Why in the hell she has to stay here? What if she is a danger to my kingdom? If something happens it will Mithrandir fault.

Watching Y/n leaving the room, I notice how small she is, her h/c makes a beautiful contrast with her soft s/c skin, with those big e/c eyes. She is definitely one of the most beautiful human I’ve seen in my life, she almost looks like an elf. I shake my head, what happen to me? I’ve never been attracted to another woman since my wife died. Ahhh I have to get those thoughts out of my head. I leave the throne room to my bedroom.

I enter in my bedroom and close the door with all my strength, making a loud sound. I take my robe and throw it to bed, I put my crown on the small table and go fill a cup of wine, drowning my stress and rage that this human has caused.

(Y/n P.O.V)

Tauriel show me my room and tell me that she will get me when the it’s dinner time and with that she leaves me alone in my new room.  

I look around me, seeing that the room was HUGE, almost the same size of my small apartment. The room was lovely decorated, the theme color was green forest and a light brown. There is a king size bed with soft green blankets, in the other corner of the room was a huge wardrobe, I walk there and open it, a gasp escapes from my lips as I see that it’s fills of beautiful dresses, am I supposed to wear this? Well I wouldn’t mind it. Closing the wardrobe, I walk to the small balcony, there I could see almost all Mirkwood land, if I've got my phone here, I would take some awesome photos. I sit on the chair and take a deep breath, why am I here? Did anyone back home miss me? I bet that b/f/n is freaking out. I close my eyes, letting all my body melt into the chair. Well I have some time until dinner, so I just might sleep a little. Letting sleep take over me, I could hear all the live in the forest, like I was the animals themselves. I fall asleep cuddling to a soft pillow on the chair, forgetting all the crazy stuff it had happen in those two days.

Hey everyone!!! Here is part 2. Hope you like it!! I’m sorry if the some grammatical error, english it’s not my first language and I have dyslexia so be kind 😊 This series will be slow burn for not jump all the action all the sudden, it will have smut so be warned. Thanks for all the support and good feedback. Feel free to tell me what you think!! XOXO

Taglist: @icarus-fell-in-spring @tigereyesf @yes-captainstark @llama2264 @bowtothewitch @aeryntheofficial 

[clubtuan]

Hot Blooded

❀ Request : '' Could I request jealous jb. Angst maybe''

❀ Pairing : Jaebum x Reader

❀ Genre : Angst and Fluff (kinda?)

❀ Word Count : 935 (i know it's short sorry!)

❀ Proofread : off

 Jaebum never been the best when it comes to relationships, and he knew it ! But there was nothing bad about it, every people were bad at something, well at least that what Y/N, his girlfriend told him. And other thing JB was ''bad'' at is : jealousy !

  He wasn't the style to cry out his jealousy to his partner, he was more the type to keep it to himself and being paranoid about everything !

Fighting with Jaebum was always harsh, and the both of you always said regretful things..

  And this time wasn't a expection, you couldn't sleep, eat or even being a normal human being, you just stayed in your bed or couch watching dramas, or write paragraphs on how muh you hated but love the man at the same time and if you should give up on him and moving to a desert island and become a starfish ! '' I WILL BECOME PATRICK THE STARFISH AND FUCK IM JAEBEOM !'' was the title on the rant on your macbook !

At 1a.m you were still writing this, and drinking some organic green tea (jackson gave you a lot of organic green tea as a friend present!).

Too much into your rant on becoming Sponge Bob's bff and forgeting about the mullet haired dude, you didn't hear the sound of the digital code of your door, only someone taking off their shoes.

« -Jackson, I'm ok and no I don't need anymore organic tea !

-I didn't know you were dating Jacks »

  You saw Jaebum standing at a few metres away from you, in your living room and dry blood on his right cheek and a bit at the corner of his mouth. He was only wearing his black and dark green hoodie, a pair of ripped jeans and black sk8 hi vans. « -Jaebum »

He didn't say anything, only wet his lips with his tongue and tasted a bit of the dry blood that was haging there.

 Another thing that he was bad at ? Controlling his anger when someone says something he doesn't like ! It wasn't rare to see JB fighting when another guy, you were used to have an emergency kit in your kitchen because of him and his need of adrenaline !

« -This bitch .. this fucker told me i shouldn't date you .. and said he could fuck you better, so I punch him in the nose » He continued to explain how he beat his ass up, because no one has the right to talk about you, and surely not this way !

Jaebum was a hot blooded guy, and had a short temper ! To be honest the both of you were the same. « -You are going to get kill one day, idiot ! » To this Jaebum only shrug and didn't said anything back .. yes this kind of thing made you wanted to kill the man !

You closed your laptop before he could read your stupid ass rant about him and a stupid cartoon character !

  You could see the way he was looking at you, and all the things he couldn't say right now, because of the stupid fight and his and your pride ! But if he could, he would surely scream how much he loved you and if you asked him he could kill for you !

Jaebum was depend of your love and that why he always fight guys who said things about you or look at you a little too long, and always comeback with blood on his face late at night to your appartement.

« -If you don't get kill by one of your useless fight, I'll kill you myself ! » You said as you took to emergency kit in your kitchen, coming back to the beautiful man but idiotic man sitting on your couch. « - I know you already told me that, like 16 time only since the beginning of 2018 »

  He looked at you, as you started working on his cheek with a cotton ball. « -If you cry, you sleep outside ! » He only nooded but didn't said anything !

He never find you more beautiful than when you were wearing one of his baggie shirt, without make up and your Bart Simpson slippers.

« - I love you »

His voice was small, almost like a kid who just did something wrong, his hands find their way on your waist and his eyes were full of stars just by looking at the person he loved.

« -I'm sorry that I'm an idiot and that I fight more than I should because I get jealous at other guys and I don't have enough confidence and such .. but I love you I do, I really do and I would move the whole world to show you how much I'm in love with you »

  You couldn't say anything at his declaration, remembering your stupid wish to become a starfish !

« - I hated you so much today, and I tried to convinced myself to move to a desert island and become Sponge Bob best friend ! » He laughed at your idiotic anwser to tell you one more time that he was in love with you for the third time this night.

 Im Jaebum might be this tough cookie, but he is also a giant teddy bear loving you and his cats more than anything in his life and that why you fell in love with him in the first place.

(gif credit to @/got7creators)

masterlist | request or ask

[heathermason1983]

I really fucking embarrassed myself like that i am having a fucking moment rn. I hate being vulnerable with people i hate being /srs i hage being FOR REAL. i will never do that again. At least not to that person lol rip kill me.

[apartmentnumber4]

FUCK I HATE WHEN ALL MT FRIENDS ARE MENTALLY ILL AND THEN WE NORMALIZE EACH ITHERS BAD BEHAVIORS WHILE ACCIDENTSLLY MAMING MENTAL ILLNESS A COMPETITION BUT THENWHE U REALKZE THAT INWANT TO PUSH AWAY ENCAUSE ITS NOT HEALTHY AND I HAGE LIVING IN A STAGE KF BEING MISERABLE AND ALSO FEELING LIKE MY FEEINGS ARENT VALID BUT YHEY WANT TO HANG OTU BHT I DONT WANT TO BECAUSE I KNOW IF I DO IM GOING TK BE MISERABLE AND PUSH MYSELF FURTHER INTK BAD HABJTS

[maggieterracotta]

I JUST WISH I WAS LIKE PRETTTY

I feel like a boy all of the time like genuinely I look like a boy and not a hot boy just a bot and I know I’m crying bc I’m abt to start my period but in real life I just wish I felt like really pretty like once like just once but every time I feel pretty I self sabotage and I feel like a fucking pool noodle and god I need a hug aLEx! come here! I wish he’d hug me harder like hard as fuck I feel like he’s scared to touch me sometimes but I really like when someone just does things you know like just fucking kiss me if u want to or hug me hard as shit or anything like I don’t care I trust u just go! idk I just wish I was pretty and that’s abt it. I also wish periods weren’t a thing and didn’t make me feel so fragile. I literally feel like I could cry all of the time. I HATE IT HERE. I feel like a big humongous ugly! idk! ARRHHHFJDHHDN FUCK IM SO MAD THAT I FEEL THIS WAY IM SO FRUSTRATED AND SAD AND CONFUSED AND I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED BUT I LITERALLY TALK MYSELF IUT OF THINGS EVERY 4 SECONDS AND I HATE UT I HATE IT I HAGE IT