Sanctity
Your ex-husband is at a wedding with you, and it feels like you don't exist. Part of the Love series, read the rest here.
Pairing: Namjoon x afab! reader
Rating: 18+
Genre: Exes, angst
Warnings: Swearing
When you were invited to this wedding, your university friend Soojin had told you that Namjoon was going to be best man.
Soojin’s groom, Alex, has been friends with Namjoon since childhood, so you weren’t surprised at all.
You’d texted Namjoon about the wedding but he hadn’t bothered to reply.
You’d assumed that he was busy, you’ve been slammed at work too, it’s always hectic in the runup to Christmas.
The wedding ceremony is in a 15th century chapel, tucked in the side streets of the very edges of the city, and the wedding celebration in a boutique hotel nearby.
You’re chatting to one of your old university friends at the drinks reception after the ceremony when Namjoon arrives.
He looks irresistible in his navy suit. Perfect. Unattainable.
He’s not alone.
He’s got a stunning woman on his arm, and they’re both laughing like she’s just said the funniest thing in the world.
Your ex-husband’s dimples flash, and he bends down solicitously, steadying her as her heel gets caught in her beautiful gown.
Their show of unity hits you like a kick in the chest.
Namjoon looks up, catches the stricken look on your face that you aren’t emotionally nimble enough to hide.
Your eyes lock.
A breath is all it takes before he turns away like he never saw you.
***
There’s a startling clarity to your feelings as you try your hardest to avoid your ex and his date at this small, intimate wedding.
You’re hurt.
Hurt that he didn’t bother to tell you he was bringing a date to this wedding.
Hurt that as much as you’re trying to avoid him, he seems to be just as keen to avoid you.
You know he’s been dating since the divorce, well, you both have.
You owe each other nothing.
You smile distractedly at the ex-classmate you’re struggling to find common ground with.
What’s his name?
Louis? Lewis?
You’re too scattered to remember.
He’s telling you about his recent divorce, which is making you think about your own divorce.
Two years ago.
Have you and Namjoon really been fucking around for two whole years after the divorce was finalised?
Shit.
You can’t blame him for wanting to move on.
Louis steadies you as someone bumps into you from behind, jostling you.
There’s kindness in his eyes.
You force yourself to focus.
‘Divorce is hard,’ you say, a lame attempt at keeping the conversational ball going.
Louis, the gentleman that he is, says, ‘People who’ve been through it tell me it gets easier over time.’
‘I don’t know that it does,’ you say, the first truth you’ve spoken tonight.
Louis looks at you curiously, but you’re in no mood to extrapolate.
You swallow the rest of your drink and excuse yourself to use the bathroom.
You don’t recognise yourself in the mirror, that’s the honest truth.
Sure, you’re wearing the clothes and jewellery you put on earlier today, and your hair is still how you styled it, but you look completely different.
You’re flustered and frazzled and anguished.
Worst of all, you’re a fool.
You add colour to your cheeks to hide how drained you look, top up your lipstick in a desperate attempt to fix your face, but you know it’s futile.
You emerge from the bathroom and realise everyone’s heading to their tables for the meal.
You check the table plan and head for your seat.
You force a smile for the vaguely familiar people at your table and are pulling your chair out when a hand lands next to yours on the back of the chair.
You follow the line of the arm, up to the shoulder, up the curl of hair just touching his collar, up to his face.
Min Yoongi.
‘Let me,’ he says, smiling at you politely.
He seats you, then sits in the chair next to yours.
‘I didn’t know you were coming to this wedding,’ you say.
The truth is, you’re grateful for his familiarity.
You don’t know Yoongi well, but he and Namjoon are close friends and he’d joined you for dinner a few times whilst you and Namjoon were still married.
‘I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it back in time,’ Yoongi admits. ‘I wrapped up a project in Kowloon last night.’
You know Yoongi works for his family business.
‘Have you been busy lately?’ you ask.
Yoongi signals to the waiter, hands you a glass of white.
‘No busier than usual,’ he says. ‘I think Namjoon’s been busy though.’
‘Yeah?’ you say, carefully neutral.
‘Seen much of him lately?’ Yoongi asks, taking a sip of his wine.
‘Not a lot,’ you say, truthfully.
‘Me either,’ Yoongi says.
You take another sip of wine.
‘So how come you’re at the singles table?’ you ask, trying to change the subject.
Yoongi rakes a hand through his hair.
‘No one will put up with me,’ he says, straightfaced.
‘I’m really taking one for the team, sitting next to you,’ you say, deadpan.
‘You definitely deserve extra dessert,’ Yoongi shoots back.
The laughter that bubbles out of you at his remark goes a long way towards easing the tension you’ve been feeling all night.
Yoongi smiles. His hand lands on the table, rings gleaming as he fiddles with the wedding favours scattered on the white linen.
‘I’m hungry,’ he tells you. ‘I hope the food’s good.’
You’re not sure you’ve got any appetite but you murmur in agreement anyway.
At least you can’t see Namjoon and his date from where you’re sitting.
Yoongi’s got a knack for filling in the blanks in the conversation, but even better, he doesn’t mind silence.
His company carries you through the different courses so well you feel like you need to thank him.
You’re about to, when a delicate tinkling fills the air.
You turn around to see that it’s your ex-husband, standing, tall and handsome in his suit, especially now that his tie’s loosened a little.
He’s holding up a glass of champagne.
‘I hope you’ve enjoyed your meals everyone. As Alex’s best man, I’ll be guiding through the speeches this evening,’ he says, smooth, confident, charming.
He’s always been good at commanding a room.
You feel disconnected, numb as Namjoon introduces Alex’s father, Soojin’s father, Soojin’s maid of honour for their speeches, applauding mechanically.
You don’t take in a single word any of them have said.
Through it all, Namjoon provides a charming, easy commentary, until it’s time for his own speech.
‘I’ve known Alex since we were kids,’ Namjoon says, ‘and believe me, there are stories that I could tell, but I did promise that I wasn’t going to embarrass him in front of his nonna.’
There’s a ripple of laughter.
You’re transfixed.
You’re trying to remember when you last heard Namjoon speak like this.
All of your interactions for years have been snappy, impactful, sexy, but he hasn’t sounded like this in years.
He sounds relaxed, confident.
Happy.
You sit rigidly as Namjoon shares an anecdote, to the hilarity of the room.
It’s the final part of his speech that breaks you.
‘I can truly say that I’ve never seen a couple more perfectly matched than Soojin and Alex. I can only hope that all of us have the privilege of experiencing a love like theirs at one point in our lives.’
You can’t help yourself.
You’re staring at him, wondering if he can feel your gaze on him.
Namjoon raises his glass in a toast.
There’s a sigh from the room, followed by a wave of applause.
It’s the perfect ending to the speeches.
Namjoon never once glances your way.
****
You don’t stay for dancing, just exit as quietly and discreetly as you can.
You slip on the beautiful coat you bought just for this wedding, do up the buttons mechanically.
Head out the entrance, sighing with relief when the front of the hotel is empty, save for you.
Well, not quite.
There’s a shifting to your left, you turn just in time to see Yoongi straighten up, ice cubes clinking in his glass as he steps forward, out of the shadows.
‘I didn’t mean to startle you,’ he says mildly.
‘You didn’t,’ you reply. ‘I’ve got an early start tomorrow, I should get going.’
Yoongi nods. ‘Can I give you a ride?’
‘I’ve got a taxi on its way,’ you demur. ‘Besides, I don’t want you to have to leave because of me.’
Yoongi nods again.
Then he gives you a half-smile. ‘Want the rest of my drink?’
You glance at him, surprised.
He holds out the drink to you.
The whiskey goes down smooth, a mellow fire that warms you.
‘Thanks,’ you say. You put your hand on his arm as he takes the glass back. ‘Thanks for tonight.’
Your words brim with meaning, you don’t want to explain but you get the sense he knows, anyway.
He’s been friends with Namjoon for years.
There’s kindness in his eyes as he covers your hand with his, gives yours a gentle squeeze.
The sliding doors to the hotel slide open, but your taxi’s arrived, so you don’t look back.
You get into the cab and breathe the first breath you feel like you’ve taken in hours.
You turn your head to wave goodbye to Yoongi, only to see Namjoon standing next to him.
Your eyes meet for the briefest of moments before the taxi drives you away.
©hamsterclaw 2023
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