#Maybe I haven't experienced boy heartbreak enough to get it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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Reading aspec experiences (or even experiences of straights with aspecs, in fewer cases) I think I really "lucked out" with mine

[It's a bit long, sorry]

I never felt anything (romantic or sexual, maybe not even platonic) and didn't think it weird at all. I lived the first 20 years of my life thinking I was your average straight and that if someone ever caught my eye we'd find each other and everything would be, y'know, very average and "normal". I was very much like "eh, I'll get it on my way to my actual goals", like ticking it off a list, but not going out of my way to get it done.

I was never pressured into relationships, not by family or by peers - at least not beyond "oh, you like hanging out with [male friend]? Are you toGetHeR??" in middle school. It actually stopped in high school, maybe because I was also hanging out with [female friend] then. Maybe when I get older I'll receive more pressure from my family, but for now it's basically non-existent. I also never had the need to get into a relationship if I didn't feel like it, so no internal pressure.

I don't remember where I first saw the term "asexual". I just realized it clicked like... a bit more than one year ago. I'm pretty sure I told this to another male friend of mine (who, according to my mom, was cautiously "testing the waters" to see if he could propose a romantic relationship with me???). I do remember explaining to him the term "asexual". I think his reaction was just a "huh". And that was that lol

It took until I finally watched Jaiden's aroace video to realize I was aromantic on top of asexual. I confused one instance of interest towards a boy on a study trip as a crush, so that was a thing that confused me a bit. Although I was pretty much at peace with the "new" label already. I went "oh, that explains a lot. neat. I'm aromantic, then".

Now I'm questioning if I'm aplatonic too, which I'm facing with almost the same nonchalance - I just worry about having to keep in contact with friends, because I kinda suck at it, but if I'm going to be spending a lot of time in the same space with the same people it's not really an issue.

(Yeah I'm the one who submitted that confession ask on 3rd March, I'm glad it directed others towards discovering aplatonicism. I'm not neurodivergent as far as I know, but I do consider myself an introvert. Maybe that contributes to what might be aplatonicism. Again, I'm also questioning lmao)

When I read about others' struggles, I really just want to hug all of you. I haven't experienced enough to really offer advice.

I've never experienced heartbreak or unhappy relationships or feeling forced to change for a partner, or family, or close friends. The people I've befriended (over a long time of more-or-less forced proximity because of school) were never "sex-crazy", or obsessed with their partners (if any), or told crude sex jokes, or spouted thinly-veiled aphobia. I've never felt anything, so there wasn't much of a struggle to find more specific labels to put my experience into words.

I just feel lucky. Perhaps undeservingly so. If you've also had a more "chill" discovery of yourself, I'm happy for you <3 If you haven't, know that my arms are open for a hug anytime, and I hope it will get better for you too <3 <3

Submitted March 17, 2023

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #aplatonic #heteronormativity

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messricet · 2 years

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The first threat

The boys are out for a fun day at a muggle amusement park, but things soon take a whole different turn.

__________________________________________

" Come on! The line is only getting longer if you slow bros don't hurry up in your lifes just for once!". Sirius yelled at the other three boys. The summer had hit, and the four of them decided to spend their second to last summer together before they would go back for their final year, at an amusement park, a muggle one, of course. It had been the year he himself had ran away from home and fortunately was welcomed by James his parents, who had welcomed him as their own. Treated and accepted him for who and what he was. Which was not so straight. Despite the heartbreak he suffered after running away. The healing he was now experiencing, certainly made up for it.

" Does he ever run out of energy? We've been running around this park for hours now, my feet hurt". Peter complained. Trailing behind Remus and James, like always.

" No, he does not and I told you Pete, you should have put on other shoes than sandals". Remus mused, watching Sirius with a somewhat amused look on his face.

" Thought you would know better than to not listen to Moony by now mate". James laughed, throwing his arm around Peter's shoulder. " Pads, wait up you wanker, what happened to go out together , go home together?".

" You three are so slooooww, no wonder it takes you eons to woo Red". Sirius threw back at James. Nearly avoiding the empty water bottle that was thrown at him.

"Sirius, just slow down a little, we just got our food, studies do say if you go into a ride too fast after too fast you will be more likely to throw up faster". Remus spoke up again. But Sirius just waved him off and shrieked as the line they thought to be waiting for, wasn't as long as they anticipated. "Huh, maybe not such a popular ride after all, or maybe they've closed down?". Remus spoke again.

"I swear to Merlin if this thing is closed because you lot were too slow I'm smacking Peter". Sirius sighed, overly dramatic as usual. But once they reached the ride its gates, the carts were still perfectly lined up and the worker boringly eyed them. " Good day mate what a lovely day to get shit faced ain't it". Sirius grinned, but the guy just reached out his hand for their money." Not very, talkative, must be a muggle thing".

" Shut it Pads". Peter spoke out. All of them buying their tickets and getting into their seats. " I'm just glad this is one that doesn't throw you upside down and into every corner".

" No, in this one you can't see if you piss your pants". James laughed, Sirius joining him in their mock of Peter. Remus just gave Peter a reassuring smile as the boat ride took off. The ride took them through a cave. At times the boats would rock more rougher, faster, go higher , or suddenly dive down lower. Peter got wet the most. Mainly due Sirius and James purposely splashing him throughout the ride. Remus just sat through the whole ride unfazed, bored somewhat even. Which meant, at the end of it, once they got out, he was the first one to notice something off.

" Oi, quiet you lot". The young wizard spoke up. Maybe it were his extra senses that had picked something up that just seemed not right. Or maybe he did because James and Sirius were too busy harassing poor Peter." Guys, I think the park is closed". He said again. But that seemed odd, since the rides were still going. In fact. They were all still going, without people.

" So, I know we had a few drinks before, but we haven't gotten drunk, or high for that matter, speaking of which". Sirius mentioned, but one glance from Remus, was enough for him to raise his hands up in defense. " Fine, later then".

" Remus is right Pads, this is a bit..weird". Even James admitted now, Peter also looking around in confusion. Remus slowly walking ahead, using all his sharpened senses, for the good cause for once, it was after all, a few days til full moon. " Moony, you alright there

¨Mate?". James frowned, eyeing the others with a mild concern for the other. "Hush..". Remus waved at the others, his eyes narrowing, scanning the area." I thought I saw cloaks ". He spoke more quiet now. " Wait, cloaks as in...those cloaks?". Sirius, his tone more serious now, slowly stepped closer to Remus, the others following.

"Yes, I could have just imagined things but..". He still spoke in a quiet tone." Would not surprise me if he would send his followers here, you know, the muggles, or...".

" Or recruit wizards would he know wizards could have been here". James spoke up now, his hand drawing out his wand slowly. " What are you doing, put that away, we are not allowed to use magic outside Hogwarts!". Peter hissed at James, but Sirius too, drew his wand.

" Mate, if those are cloaks, you bet your furry ass, I will use my wand". James hissed back, Sirius agreeing. Remus turned to the other three then, glancing at James and Sirius." Put, those, away, are you both mental? I said I wasn't sure, could just be someone in a raincoat or something ". With it he grabbed both their wands, both of course protesting, and shoving them in his own coat." There is no need for you two to play hero anyway, even if they are!". He whispered at the two

" Why not we can take them?!". Sirius whispered back, James nodding heavily." Agreed, we are just as skilled as them, and we are with the four of us, we can take them, come on Moony give them back". He said

" I think we should just quietly leave". Peter suggested, but got a pair of raised eyebrows from both James and Sirius. " I agree with Peter, let's just leave without commotion ". Remus said again, gesturing them to head to the exit.

" So you don't think it's weird as tits , after we get off the ride, no one, literally, no one is around anymore and suddenly some weird wanker in a possibly cloak walks around? Mate, if they had killed or abducted the muggles, we should do something!". Sirius spoke out again, somewhat irritated. He had been irritated with these followers a lot ever since he ran away from home. But mostly fearful. Fearful his brother would be one of them.

" We are going home and do nothing ". Remus spat back at him." Now is not the time for us to play hero on our own, Sirius. These are highly skilled wizards and witches, they are dangerous. I know your worries, but this is not the right time to find that out". He eyed the three of them, Peter agreeing with him, and James and Sirius, despite still doubtful, knew there was not much of a point arguing with Remus, especially not near the full moon.

" Look, let's just, slowly head to the exit, maybe some rides are just closing down and maybe other people are everywhere else". Peter suggested, reasonably it seemed. " That sounds better than throwing wands around radically". Remus agreed, and James and Sirius , after both groaning and sighing, agreed.

" Bit creepy tho, the rides just keep on going and..". James suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, halting the others too." Did you, hear that too?". The boy frowned. Laughing, laughing from the rides. And screaming, but no one was there." What the fuck man" . Sirius now too gazed around. Wanting to reach for his wand, and eyed Remus in a plea to give it back, which to his own surprise, the young werewolf did, both that of his and James.

¨ No offensive, just stay on guard". Remus said, but felt his hand reach for his own aswel, as they roamed quietly further. The more they got to the exit, the more they saw empty rides. Still going. Even all the workers were gone." What is going on". Peter spoke up, quietly. But his question was answered by a green light, directly towards them, luckily hitting one of the rides. Remus his eyes widened and he grabbed the three of them as much and as fast as he could. " It's him". He hissed, pulling them behind a ride.

" What? Why would He be here himself ". James hissed, all of them having their wands raised in defense." What do you think". Sirius answered quietly. A red light directly at them, hitting Peter only millimetres from his head. The boy letting out an accidental shriek.

"Screw defense!". Sirius yelled, jumping up from behind the ride, James following suit, both of them casting offensive and defensive spells in the direction of an obvious cloaked figure." Get back! Are you both mad!". Remus yelled at them, another red light being cast at the both boys, but it being deflected before they could be hit. Remus standing close next to them.

" Thought you didn't want to interfere ". James said Sirius grinning." Shut up, this is not a game ". Remus shot back. The three of them standing back to back to one another in a triangle now. Covering each others blind spots." Peter get your ass in here". James hissed at the obvious frightened boy. More spells cast in their directions, them with their own skills and pure luck, deflecting them. The spells that are send in their direction, obvious strong. However, one hitting Remus on his wandless hand, leaving a wound.

" Peter, in here now!". Sirius hissed at the boy, his anger flaring through his voice." Peter, now". James urged again. The scared boy behind the ride ,in hiding still, hesitant, but seeing Remus his wounded hand, gathering his courage, jumping up as fast as he can to make their triangle a square of defense and offense. Them seemingly holding their own for a good while. But the attacks stop a while, and the hooded , cloaked figure steps in closer.

" Don't let him tempt you". Remus quietly said to the others. Peter hiding himself more between the others. Sirius and James both trying to stand their guard as tall as they can possible make themselves.

"Such a pair of fine , young, talented wizards". The voice from the cloak, sounding calm, kind even, despite it also sounding eerily cold. "Two pureblood, and two half-blood. What an odd combination. Normally I would rid of such kind instantly, but perhaps you could be of use to me after all".

" We will never join the likes of you". Sirius spat, his wand aimed at the hooded figure." Pads be quiet ". Remus hissed. Their eyes all fixated on the other figure.

" Ah yes, you I have heard of. A Black. Member of the most respected and noble of families. Except, you're no longer so noble anymore, are you boy". A hooded hand reaching out to Sirius, a pale finger, tracing over the boy's cheek. " Don't touch me". Sirius spat back.

" Such fire". The figure then proceeded to circle the group. As if he was observing them one by one. Which he perhaps was. " And you, you are quite special too. Aren't you. It must be tiring, being different. Being treated differently. Being seen as lesser, not feeling you are deserving of many things. Seen as a...monster". The man now stood in front of Remus. Who was in fairness, quite taken aback by the knowledge the figure had about what seemed all of them.

" He's not a monster! You are" James hissed. His wand raised at the wizard in cloak. " You do your blood ancestry proud, James Potter. Such potential, wasted on these muggles is such an unfortunate thing. I could definitely use someone like you, a powerful young wizard such as yourself. Yes". The wizard said, an eery smile almost seen from underneath his cloak. His attention drawing to Peter then, who was literally shaking on the spot. "There is no need to be afraid of me. Not while I can offer so much freedom, freedom to be who you are, to...love who you want". He turned to Sirius for a moment at that. Roaming around the boys a moment again. " You will join me in time, you will see it is the only way. Because if you won't, you will simply die, if not now by my hand, then later and your miserable , unacceptable lifestyles, will be wasted. Wasted because of the love for these muggles. These lesser, unworthy, disgusting beings, breeding with wizards, not to mention populating mudblood, revolting".

" Muggle-born". Peter dared to speak up now." And they are not revolting, they are way smarter than your followers!". His voice quivered, but the other three, sharing in his defensive pride with a shared smirk, knowing it was a certain witch Peter meant. " You dare to talk back in such a tone to me boy? I think I was wrong about the four of you. I think you are deserving of something, death. But not today. No. You shall suffer and I I take, everything, from you. Until you will come crawling to me, begging me to end your lives. To end your suffering pain, when all you came to care for, is destroyed". A gather of laughter, came from other corners surrounding the four of them. His followers, most certainly.

" We will see about that, ready?". Remus eyed the other three, the lot of them nodding, understanding his que.." Now, Fiendfyre!". The four of them cast their wand in the direction of the cloaked figure in unison. Flames bursting from their wands, the figure and his followers, having no choice but to both deflect for as possible and flee themselves from the boys. Giving them the opportunity to flee and hide for cover. But a voice following them, haunting them, green and red lights chasing them. Destroying rides. Aimed at the four of them

"Run now while you still can. Flee while you still dare. But you will either succumb, or you will die by my wrath! Your days are limited!". The voice bellowed, and with the same eering sound as it came, it was gone. The only sound still filling the air, was the sound of the amusement park being destroyed til its near core and laughter vanishing in the night.

" Is everyone alright?". Perhaps it had been thirty minutes, or even an hour, until the boys, still I their hiding spot, managed and dared to come out. James had asked the question. All their faces pale. Surely they had been very brace, but they could not foll one another and deny they had not been frightened. Peter was the most pale of all of them. Remus just seemed buttered and Sirius still had his anger still clear in his face. " Oi, we are not letting that bastard get to us, alright? At the the end of the day, he's just another bigoted wanker, who's high on his ass, thinking he is better than any of us. But he's not, okay? And we will be alright as long as we stick together. Always together, remember?". James spoke up, his hand reaching out with a balled hand. Sirius was the first one to crack a little smile again and nod, bumping his fist against that of James. " of course , always together ".

" Rem?". James looked over at Remus, who's bitterness was still obvious. " Fuck him man, don't think about it for a second, what does he know, knows nothing besides, I got you. We all do, you know that". His fist reaching out to Remus. The other slowly nodding with a smile, bumping his fist against that of James." I'll just ignore you casually called one of the possible most powerful upcoming wizards a wanker, but then again, he is bit of a tosser really".

" Of course he is, have you seen his cloak? Who even wears that". Sirius joked, watching a still shaky Peter." Wormy?". James turned to Peter, reaching out his fist to the other. Peter studied it for a moment. As if it was almost alien. The hooded figure words echoing in his thoughts. "Pete". Remus shook him a moment." James is right, that I have to admit but for only this time. As long as we stay together, we will be alright ". His voice was soft, Peter eyeing him with red eyes." Come on, bring in the bump Petey". Sirius said patting the boy´s shoulder. " We got you". He said reassuring and of course meant it.

" Yeah, of course, always together ". Peter said still shakily, bumping James his fist. " See? We are badasses". James joked. " We are the Marauders, and we are not going to let some paley assed bastard tell us what to do or what not to do, now let's go home. I'm sure the news tomorrow will be sad enough seeing what happened here, so we might aswel grab a drink and pay our respect to the fallen tonight ".

The other three quietly agreed, locked arms around each others shoulders and walked out of the amusement park. Their summer they would spent together and their promise a bond yet unbroken. But all of them knew their next summer, would never be the same

#james potter #sirius and james #sirius black #remus x sirius #remus lupin #voldemort #peter pettigrew #the marauders #first wizarding war

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fydream · 4 years

Text

Almost an entire week of school goes by without any form of communication Hyuck. You didn't really expect to see him in the morning before school started so you planned on talking to him during lunch, the day after Chenle texted you. But when you saw Chenle and Renjun sitting together, without the missing boy you knew something was up.

The start of your day was a little awkward. You expected Jeno to actually have a conversation with you during history but he was too caught up doing god knows what on his phone to even realize you were trying to talk to him. "So the boy does have his priorities then.." You thought to yourself. "I wonder if he knows anything I should know."

At the end of the class you decided against asking Jeno, because maybe, just maybe it was a little too early to be asking such questions that would possibly just make things worser than they needed to be. Instead you decided to go on your day in hopes that Donghyuck would contact you in any form.

It was only until your last class of the day when you finally got something. An email, from no one but Lee Donghyuck himself. Confused, on why he would send you something so late in the day you decide to open it. Upon opening the email you read:

Welcome!

Club representative Lee Donghyuck here!

Are you tired of the heartbreak, lies, and untrustworthy relationships in your life? Have you been cheated on one too many times? Then this is the place for you! Welcome to the DNYL Club here at NCT High! Where the heartbreakers become the heartbreakees!

Interested in joining us? Great! You’ll just have to follow a few rules.

rule #1: you’ve got to have fun.

rule #2: always look your best, we don’t want anyone to catch you slipping now, do we?

and lastly, rule #3: don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, unless you want to end up like one of them.

so, will you join us?

Rereading the email over you notice the same four letters on your notebook being mentioned once again, even more confused you check to see who it was sent to, turns out it was sent to just you.

"What the fuck?" You thought to yourself. "All of a sudden Chenle tells me things are going on and Hyuck thinks that instead of explaining things he should send a cryptic email instead.."

The bell rings, snapping you out of your thoughts. You blink twice before looking back at the email that you had opened on on your phone, then back up at your classroom where your classmate seemed to be leaving.

"What the fuck happened?"

Walking out of the now empty classroom to the student parking lot you find yourself in the backseat of Renjun's car. You asked him for a ride to Hyuck's house because you didn't feel like walking all the way over there, plus you decided that the company would be nice. He accepted your request as you told him you were going to check up on Donghyuck and that he and Chenle should come as well

The car ride from school to the Donghyuck's place is mostly quiet with the background noise of the car’s fan and Chenle’s giggles due to him watching some sort of video on his phone. It stays like this for a few minutes before you decide to break it.

"Renjun?" You ask, looking at him through his rear view mirror.

"Yeah?"

"Uh- Hyuck um, sent me this email last period.." You start, and Rejun suddenly hits the breaks in his car, giving both you and Chenle a scare. "I- Sorry." He apologizes. "You can conintinue."

"Um.. Okay.. Well it was about how DNYL was a club at our school?? I recognized the letters from the journal you guys gave me, oh and um- why is it about heartbreakers?? Is this something related to Jeno?" You ask quickly, now getting Chenle's attention as well.

"You'll find out soon enough, y/n." Renjun sighs, parking his car along the sidewalk. "We're here anyways, Hyuck might as well do the explaining himself." He mumbles.

With the three of you exiting Renjun's car, Chenle runs up to the front door to ring the doorbell. Upon ringing the doorbell, no one but Donghyuck himself opens the door, clearly surprised to see the three of you here. "What are you doing here?" He asks as if he were confused on what he did to get all of you to show up at his house.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do." You say pushing past the two boys once you see the door open to reveal your best friend. "What the fuck was that email about? Also who the fuck still emails people?"

"What email?" Donghyuck asks, taken back at the sudden aggressiveness.

"This one?" You say, shoving your phone towards him.

"Oh.. That one." He sighs. "I didn't expect you to ask so soon."

“Why?”

“I thought you might wanted to think about it before asking.”

“Well, clearly I’m here now. Along with your other two friends, and I suggest you tell me if you’re going to explain anything or not so I can leave if you aren’t.” You scoff harshly, getting ready to leave if he did happen to say no.

Donghyuck sighs.

"Come in then, all of you."

"I guess I should just start from the top then, huh?" Donghyuck starts, laughing nervously, earning a glare from you. "So, if you didn't already know.. Lee Jeno, the boy in your history class? Well, He and I dated, for a while in fact.. and well.. it didn't end well." He pauses for a second, and before he can speak again you cut him off.

"Is that it?" You ask a little too harshly, "You see me and your ex, who I didn't even know you dated hang out, and then all of a sudden you don't show up to school, ignore my texts, and just send me a cryptic email? Really?"

"No.. That's not all."

"The reason why we broke up was because I found out one of his friends, who I'm assuming you already met, Park Jisung, dared him to ask me out." He says quietly. "And I guess they found me acting like a fool in love was entertaining.." "Oh." You whisper, feeling guilty that you just snapped at him. "I'm sorry... I didn't know and I shouldn't have assumed.."

"No it's fine. We broke up last June after school ended, so, almost three months ago." He sighs. "I should've known too.. I was warned. One of my upperclassman friends, Mark Lee, warned me about them and I still went on and dated Jeno.. I guess love really is blind then, huh?" He jokes.

"Well.. anyways, Mark was part of the DNYL club also known as the 'Don't Need Your Love' club and when he graduated he made me president. He told me the same stories that his older friends experienced and he saw the difference between the two groups grow. They would continue breaking hearts, and we'd continue trying to get back at them.. but as the years went on we started losing more people."

"So many people quit after all the upperclassmen graduated.. I still don't understand why.." Renjun explained. "The whole concept of the club was just to get back at those who hurt us, in a way that they would understand."

"People have said it's just because the three of them would make you feel so special, when in reality you were just a pawn in their games." Chenle added. "And I guess Hyuck getting his heart broken by Jeno was enough for everyone to quit."

"So.. Who's in the club now?" You ask, trying to keep up with all the information being given to you. Honestly, you didn't expect to learn everything all at once, all you wanted to know was what that email was about, you never expected it to be because of your new so called "friends."

"You're looking at them." Chenle jokes.

"You're fucking kidding."

"There's nothing to kid about y/n."

"Why'd they quit?" You ask.

"Like I said. I guess Hyuck's downfall was just too much." Chenle shrugs. "To be fair, we haven't done anything either. The most we've done so far is cut off ties with Jeno, Jisung, and their friend Jaemin. We're not taking any chances."

"I see.." You sigh. "Okay but what does any of this have to do with me?" You ask.

"Well.. You see.." Donghyuck starts. "We were wondering if you would like to help us out." He says an innocent smile suddenly appearing.

"What?!" You exclaim. "You want me to do what now?!"

"Help us out." Renjun adds with a nod. "You don't have to do anything extreme, we just want them to go through the same pain we did." "Isn't that um.. morally wrong?"

"What? Leading them on just to crush their hearts afterwards?" Donghyuck asks in that playful voice he always uses.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Only if you're looking at it that way." He says smiling. "We're just teaching them a lesson."

"So are you in?" Renjun asks.

Trying to process all the information that had just been given to you, you decide to think about what to do. "So basically. You want me to help you get back at your ex and his friends because they're assholes to not only you, but other people as well. And you think the most sane way to do that is to do the same thing they did to you, to them."

"Yeah pretty much."

"No!"

"C'monn!!!" Chenle whines. "It'll be fun!!"

"Yeah for you! Not me!" You exclaim. "What happens if I end up getting played then, hm?"

"You won't." Renjun defends. "We'll be here for you, plus, considering all that time Hyuck and Jeno spent together we could probably tell you what to do."

"That still doesn't make up for the fact that you're doing the same thing they did." You argue back.

"Well what I've learned is, is that they won't stop until one of them experiences it." Donghyuck retorts. "I know I haven't told you everything but you just need to trust me on this one. They don't care about anyone but themselves." Donghyuck says sincerely, thinking about what Jeno had told him the other night. "Please."

This is the most vulnerable you've seen Donghyuck in a while, and part of you can't tell if this is genuine or if this is just a way for him to get what he wants.

"Okay." You sigh, while the three boys cheer. "But on one condition."

"Of course there's a catch." Donghyuck jokes, rolling his eyes.

"You have to at least talk to Jeno again." "Are you fucking insane?!" Donghyuck asks. "There's no way in hell I'm talking to that bastard, you do not know the hell he put me through."

"And he doesn't know the hell you're about to put him through." You defend. "I never said you had to like him, I just said you have to talk."

"So do we have a deal?"

He sighs.

"We have a deal."

A few days later you were meeting up with Donghyuck at his house where he would be telling you what to do. Currently you were laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling in Donghyuck's bedroom.

"Am I really going to do this?" You think to yourself.

"This is your target." Donghyuck says, handing you his phone with a certain someone's instagram pulled up.

"Target?"

"That's just what we would call them." Donghyuck shrugs. "This is Park Jisung. I'm sure you've already met him."

"I thought you were mad at Jeno." You say scrolling through the boy's feed. "Why am I going after Jisung?"

"He's the one who asked the dare."

"And I guess I was thinking about what you said. As much as I hate Jeno, I don't think I could do that to him.." He adds quietly.

To his luck, you weren't listening. You were too caught up in stalking Jisung's instagram to even notice that Hyuck was still talking to you. "Sorry, what? Did you say something?" You ask, handing his phone back to him.

"Hmm? Oh, it was nothing."

"So why Jisung?" You ask again.

"You're perfect for him." Donghyuck bluntly states. "The new girl who just moved to town, who also happens to be a sweetheart and a smartass? I don't know about you, but if I were in his position I'd definitely try to shoot my shot, especially if no one knew anything about me." He shrugs.

"He's always goes for the 'soft-innocent' types. The ones that would pretty much never expect it." He adds. "Like I said, he's an asshole."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I dunno. Break his heart? Crush his hopes and dreams?"

"Donghyuck, seriously." You scold.

"You're no fun." He pouts. "All you have to do is get the boy to fall for you, then break his heart before he can break yours."

"Y'know that sounds a lot easier said than done.." You mumble. "How do you even know that I'll be able to do it?"

"You're the new girl, right? He barely knows anything about you, he can only assume based off of your social media and how you act in class."

"Okay and? What is that supposed to mean?" "It means he wouldn't know if you were putting up an act or not. You'll be fine, you just need to watch out for yourself."

"Okay now what is that supposed to mean?" You ask, wondering if it's too late to back out now.

"Don't catch feelings." He shrugs. "If you find yourself catching feelings for Park Jisung then you need to tell one of us right away. I'm sorry y/n, but as much as I love you I can't put you through that hell."

"So are you up for the challenge?" He asks.

You sigh before sitting up to look at him. "Let's do it."

✰ how to be a heartbreaker

↳ so what happens when park jisung, the school’s infamous fuckboy runs into the new girl at school? out of boredom he decides it’ll be fun to have someone new to play with, but little does he know, she’s learning how to be a heartbreaker.

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tokyoghoose · 4 years

Text

am i more than you bargained for?

pairing: tetsuro kuroo x reader

playlist: heather - conan gray*, 4ever - clairo, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, melting - kali uchis, slow dancing in the dark - joji, using you - mars argo, she - ed sheeran, make you feel my love - adele, letter home - childish gambino, she's casual - the hunna, i love you so - the walters, notice me (acoustic) - role model, red dress - postcard boy

warnings: angst and lots of it, mentions of sex, mentions self-shaming of image, very breif mention of anxiety attacks

summary: a romantic comedy without the comedy between friends with benefits

announcements!

kuroo is definitely a little ooc in this lmao buuuut this is my first like fic fic in like two years. Im still trying to get back in the groove of things and finding how to write personality again and not be repetitive with my wording. Feedback is welcome!

requests are open! feel free to send them in! i will write for pretty much any anime ive seen and if i haven't seen it, ill watch it! the only reasons i wouldn't is if im uncomfortable or can't write the character. :)

——————

When did relationships become so difficult? The days of making friends on the playground were over and it seemed to hit everyone at the same age. Life was getting harder and people were getting older, and suddenly everything was difficult. Nothing came easy anymore and everyone had to adjust to that.

But now you were just confused.

Tetsuro kuroo stuck to you like glue since middle school. Where one of you went the other was likely to follow. The righthand man, the double trouble duo, and the bane of kenma's existence. And then things got complicated. Strangers to friends to best friends to lovers— friends with benefits. Who would've thought the boy that you played volleyball with on a whim would've become the man who you grew fond of. Sixth grade you would've kicked yourself for the feelings you're experiencing. Oh how you wished you were back in the park that started it all. You wished you could warn your youngerself what's to come.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and it made you want to throw up at the thought.

It started in the first year of highschool when you suddenly noticed the shine in his eyes when he talked passionately about something like volleyball or the way he would furrow his brows when concentrated on his assignments. At first it was endearing, really. But the more you hung around him, the stronger the butterflies felt. It was obvious that he had grown into his lanky body. His legs were proportionate to his torso now and his once scrawny arms didn't hang limply at his sides anymore. He had muscle and height now. Gradually you started to notice little things about him that you would never have seen in other people. Like his lopsidded smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes and brought heat to your cheeks, your stomach launching into your chest when he'd bump shoulders and laugh.

You should've just smacked yourself silly then and there when you started to wonder if he noticed little things about you. Does he think of me like i think of him?

Who knew feelings could be so...perplexing. You moved on, shrugging off the crush in your second year to catch bigger and better fish in the sea. Life moved on and you dated other people, simply remaining friends with kuroo. Little did you know one heartbreak would lead you into his bed, playing in the sheets by the end of the year.

He was just so damn compelling. His laughter and his jokes. You fell for it all over again. Deja vu. Stupid kuroo.

———

The third of highschool had been the breaking point. It was a constant cycle of feeling, fucking, and falling in and out of love with the raven haired boy. It was frustrating, especially when he was so damn oblivious. The only person that seemed to catch on was kenma, but he was very little help when it came to pushing away the domestic thoughts. It would never just work out because you wanted it to because tetsuro was dumb.

It's a chilly day out, the sun nice against your skin but the wind was drastic in comparison. Shivers are sent up and down your spine, you wrap your arms around yourself in a hug. Could this boy take any longer? Foot tapping against the pavement, you heave a sigh, nostils flaring impatiently before you spot the tall athlete. With a girl. A girl?

You'd seen her around before and you vaguely remember thinking she resembled the main love interest in a 90s movie or a bratz doll. She's pretty and has a light, airy laugh. Kuroo must've told her a joke of some kind, but he definitely wasn't funny enough for her to have her hands all over his chest. He's giving her a toothy grin and soft eyes. It makes you want to gag.

Who was she anyway?

Not that it mattered because in that moment the fit of rage your body suddenly flug itself into prevented you from hearing anything. Kuroo's pulling off his pullover and drapping it over the pretty girl's shoulders. You can feel your eye twitch and fibgers tingle. He looks bashful as he waves her goodbye and tragically, you don't feel nearly as pretty as you had been feeling. Now all you wanted to do was sink into the ground below you and possibly into another dimension—or at least the other side of the world.

"She's pretty," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth when he comes over, slouching with his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He had practice this afternoon, you remember. He looks over at you with raised brows, almost like he's surprised yoy said anything or even noticed he was talking to another girl before walking towards the gym with you trailing close behind.

"Yeah she is, I guess."

She's prettier than me.

"You guess? Kuroo, you gave her your sweater."

He shrugs sheepishly, a light pink dusting his cheeks and it makes you mad of uncharacteristic the act is. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"It's just polyester. It's not a big deal."

The conversation suddenly drops as you pause, apparently very hurt that he didn't remember it was you who gave him the sweater in the first place. He turns around, a questioning look on his face.

"What? Are you jealous?" He teases.

You're fuming at his attempt to be playful. Maybe you were overreacting, but it pangs your chest to know he can brush it off so easily.

" Kuroo, that was my sweater. "

It's gritted through your teeth, eyes slotted into a glare and his face drops. Oh is all he can think as he stares at you and the hurt expression that quickly turns into that of annoyance and anger. You push past him, ultimately deciding not to walk him to the gym. His arm reaches out to catch you, but it falls short as he calls out in a whine, "I'll get it back for you, okay? Come on, y/n!"

———

You can't focus on the assignments in front of you no matter how hard you try. You are exsausted. Just wanting to crawl under the covers and sleep for maybe a thousand years, you stop tapping your oen against the paper to hyperfocus on the black dots that now littered the page. The music in the background pauses before coming back to life with the hum of a new song shuffling in. It's quiet and yet, it's overwhelming. You wish you weren't home alone now.

Hanging your head low on your desk, the carpet becoming of interest, you groan. The image of kuroo and that girl replaying in your head over and over like an endless movie. You'd have to give it a bad review if it ever ended.

You're focus is mainly on her though. Kuroo could get any girl he wants with his witt and charm. Not to mention he wasn't jusf handsome, but he's beautiful. Model material—movie character love interest type beat. He has the ability to make any heart swoon if he tries hadd enough, and that girl was no exception. She was more than pretty. She was stunning, even. It was like watching human barbie and ken flirt with one another. She seems so nice too and you can vaguely remember her helping you wish a couple answers on homework one morning. She's better than you and better for him. Is he sleeping with her too? Before you can answer your own question the doorbell rings, quickly followed by a knock at your door.

You look down at your pajamas, debating if you should pull on your robe or not, but ultimately deciding against it when the knocks come again.

"Im coming, I'm coming. What do you wan- kuroo?"

When you open the door, you immediately get the urge to shut it right in his perfect little face, and you begin to before his hand slams against it in protest to push it open wider. He juts out his lip into a pout and his eyes soften into ones pleading like a puppy dog. You huff and avoid eye contact, instead taking intrest in the bad he was carrying.

"What's that?"

"Stuff. I'd be happy to show you if you let me in."

"Sorry, tetsuro, no can do. You haven't returned my sweater. "

He scoffs and rolls his eyes before shoving something bulky into your arms. You're not sure if you should be happy he actually got it back or upset that he had to see her again to get it. Finally looking up at him, you move to the side so he can step in.

"You know, you don't have to be jealous that i gave another girl a sweater. You're my number one, y/n." He's teasing, but his words still send the butterflies in your stomach crazy. You can only hope he means it, even if just a little.

"I'm not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you want, kuroo. We're just best friends—if anything im your wingman. "

You want to hit yourself on the head. Why would you say that?

He snickers at the rebuttle, coming to loom over you. Apparently the only thing that can get you out of your head is his cologne because it somehow invaded your senses. He smells expensive, like nice leather and fire wood during the winter. It's very manly, you note. His shadow hovers over yours as he traps you between him and the counter with a playful smirk on his face. How smug could he get. He leans down, bringing your chin up between his thumb and finger. You hadn't realized how close he was until now. Since when did you get so nervous around him? Why did it make you nervous when he kissed you all of a sudden? It's unfair that he holds the advantage. Heat rises to your cheeks and the tips of your ears and you're positive he can hear the beating of your heart, which was currently trying to break out of your chest.

His lips take you to paradise, as always. Their soft against your own, yet firm. They're slightly chapped and they taste like spearmint. It makes your head fuzzy because they feel so right, even when you wish they felt wrong. You want to pull away and kick him out, and end thjs whole arrangement, but you're already very familiar with the fact it's just beginning.

———

The bed is warm. So warm, in fact, it feels like your suffocating. The sheets tangle around your limbs, strangling you as you tangle your limbs around kuroos. You almost want to cry, and if you were anywhere else— with anyone else —you probably would have. The heat is unbearable and the one sided tension makes your stomach churn and your throat tighten up. You were almost positve an anxiety attack was coming on.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you close your eyes as kuroo's nimble fingers soothe circles into your shoulder blade idly and yet somehow he manages to dodge the purple and red splotches blooming on the flesh. Suddenly you wish you didn't feel so safe and protected in his embrace. The moment almost tempts you to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, but you don't deserve to be the person who does that because you aren't his person. Best friend, maybe (next to Kenma, if anything) but, you aren't his person no matter how you long to be. You're just a friend in his bed having a good time. It isn't as fun anymore.

You swallow a lump in your throat, flattening your hand against his broad chest and willing yourself to lift up out of his grasp, his fingers falling smoothly to stop between your shoulder blades. Looking down at him, he presents you with the soft, goofy look on his face that he always adorns. God, there's nothing you wouldn't give to wake up beside him every morning and kiss that lopsided grin off his face. It hurts to think about, and another wave of tears try to force their way past your lash line. You blink them away and put on a soft, one-sided smile for the man below you, giving him a quick peck where his jaw and neck meet before shrugging his hands off and climbing out of bed.

His eyes track you, lazily hooded and watching, as you take the sheet with you to cover yourself, grabbing your shorts and whatever top you were wearing but a few hours ago before everything was strewn about. You shy away from his gaze, but it's nothing he hasn't seen before. He shifts in the bed to face your back, elbow propped up to lay his head in his hand. With an uncharacteristically soft tone, you almosf don't head him when he speaks. The words that come from him are like honey, yet raw. It's enough to make anyones knees buckle and crawl back into bed.

"Are you okay?"

There's a slight hint of concern there, just hardlg scrapping the surface of the question. You nod with a hum, throwing on the loose shirt before facing him. Kuroo's brow raises like he doesn't quite believe you, but he doesn't take the question further and instead turns to get out of bed. You gnaw at your lip, taking your turn to watch him stretch out. His back has red streaks messily placed down it from his shoulders to the base, his biceps matching. His hair is messy and not like the normal bed head he sports, parts of it are spiked up from fingers constantly pushing through it, while other parts are laid flat from sweat. You can't help the thought that he's sculpted by the gods. They definitely took their time on him. Scoffing at yourself and shaking the thoughts free from your head, you head to the bathroom. As if the bed wasn't suffocating enough, just being the same room was found to be worse when he looks like that. At this point, it was preferred he stayed under the covers.

You feel stupid while looking in the mirror. Your mascara from earlier had smudged beneath your waterline, clumping together in the corner. Your nose curls at the sight, hands splashing cool water at your face, rubbing at your eyes. With a sigh you lean your elbows on the sink, pushing back hair and looking down at the water going into the drain.

This is ridiculous.

How on earth could you do this to yourself and to kuroo?

There's a knock on the bathroom door, it's light and gentle in the typical kuroo fashion because he doesn't want to spook you. You purse your lips, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes and heaving a sigh. As soon as you open the door and switch places, you're up and out of his apartment without saying goodbye.

The cool air of outside hits your face and you hadn't noticed the tears until the damp chill shook you. Brushing them away, you head home. You didn't want to be around him and you certainly didn't want to think about him. On the way back, you finally decided you weren't going to tell him anything. What would dumb tetsuro know about it anyway.

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