#Maybe I’ll post some stuff of her today if I can get the energy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lampmanliveblogs · 6 months

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Happy Halloween! I hope you’ve had a spectacularly spooky time! Me? Oh, you better believe I had the most frightening of days! I went to work. I know, I was terrified the entire time.

Nah, but Halloween has never been anything I really celebrate. The closest I got this year was watching that Soul Eater AMV and listening to some ”spooky” music on my way home from work today. If I feel like it, I might watch the Nelly Rapp movie. I’ve got it on DVD, but I’ve yet to watch it. And what better time to watch a movie about everyone’s favorite Monsteragent than on Halloween?

I’ve had a rough couple of days, I won’t lie. I wasn’t kidding when I said work was scary, cause bloody hell’s bells, it’s been A LOT to deal with. I work in this really big department store, an absolute unit of a store, a real superstore. And school’s out for the autumn holidays AND people got their pays recently. You can imagine the chaos, we had checkout lines going on for several meters.

This is all to say that I’ve been super tired and in a bad mood the last few days, so I haven’t had the energy to do much of anything. I did manage to do a rewrite of the story I posted a few days ago and it’ll be below the cut. I feel it’s fitting since it’s Halloween and it takes place on Halloween.

I don’t think I’m gonna publish it officially yet, I might want to take another look at it first… and I’ve given some thought to a potential second and even third chapter. We’ll see.

I still haven’t settled on a title yet.

Comparing this version with the first draft, you’ll notice that this one has been expanded a bit. I don’t often remove things between the first draft and the rewrite, I usually expand on stuff, which is what I did here. I’ll leave a few more notes at the end.

Enjoy!

Lamp Entertainment presents…

[Title]

Vee watched Luz and Camila disappear into the light of the portal. Off to save the Demon Realm from the evils Belos was bound to unleash with his return. The portal closed mere seconds after they crossed the threshold.

Vee could still feel the scent of the spent magic lingering in the air. It was potent and powerful, but not unpleasantly so. The Titan’s own magic, such a primal, primordial force of nature that Vee doubted she could feed on it if she tried. It’d be a bit like a human trying to eat grass, if grass could also spontaneously explode. A bad idea.

She turned around to begin her walk back to civilization. A small smile played on her lips. Despite the difficulties they were bound to face in that realm, a realm Vee herself was not ready to return back to, she couldn’t help but feel optimistic. If any two people could handle Belos and The Collector, it’d be Luz and Camila, two of the coolest people Vee knew.

Well… they were at the very least in the top three of the list Vee kept of cool people she knew (admittedly, a pretty short one). One person in particular was very high up on that list. They were a stranger that Vee knew very well, a clueless fortune teller. Pretty as a picture, dancing the night away.

Vee felt her cheeks heat up, and she quickly shook her head to try and clear it. She could think about those feelings some other time. Maybe when Luz got back she could give her some advice. For now, she had to focus on getting mom’s car back ho-

Her eyes widened and she shoved her hands into her pocket. She had her phone and… that was it.

”Sho-ot!” she yelled at the sky. The moon looked down on her, it’s cold light coloring every shadow blue. ”Camila still has the car keys!”

Well. That was her good mood ruined. Vee grumbled curses under her breath the entire way back to the town square. The festivities had died down by now, only a few organizers left trying to clean up the worst mess before giving up and going home. She threw the car a dirty look, as if it was its fault that Camila had brought her car keys with her like some kind of responsible adult. Now she’d have to walk all the way home, get the spare, walk back here, and then finally drive the car home.

She stifled a yawn. Maybe she could wait until tomorrow?

Whatever. She had a lot of time to think about what she’d do next.

She walked along the streets of Gravesfield. By now, most trick-or-treaters had trick-or-retreated back home with their bounty. A few jack-o’-lanterns still spread some light onto the streets, alongside the streetlamps and other decorations. The buzz of the last few organizers cleaning up after the festivities at the town square disappeared fast behind buildings as Vee navigated around them.

Her nose was a lot sharper than her ears though and if she took a few deep breaths she could still make out some faint scents in the air. Pumpkin and spice, candy and exhaust fumes from the Haunted Hayride tractor.

In a somewhat ironic twist, because she was so focused on trying to discern those quickly fading smells, she missed the one in front of her. Once she did notice it, she stopped dead in her tracks.

”It’s you!” A voice that was unfortunately familiar to her called out in the night. It was Jacob Hopkins, the man from the Gravesfield Historical Society, standing there, right in front of her.

Vee froze in place. Of course. Of course she had been too optimistic in thinking she wouldn’t have to deal with that man again. When she burst through the doors at the GHS and realized he was gone, she had felt so relieved. Like he couldn’t hurt her anymore. It was foolish, because he was still around. Did she really think he’d move towns because he got kicked out of the history club?

Before she had time to run, Jacob marched up to her.

”It really is you!” he said again. ”I’d recognize those evil eyes anywhere! You’re my demon!” He grabbed her wrist.

”I-I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said and struggled to free her hand. She saw his eyes go wide and realized her mistake. ”Let go of me!” she said, this time imitating Willow’s voice, but it was too late.

”Don’t even bother trying to distort you voice, demon!” Jacob spat. ”I see right through your tricks! Where is the poor woman you had enchanted as your thrall? Did you eat her, you vile creature!?”

”No!” Vee cried. Hot tears threatened to flood her eyes, but behind that lied something else deep within her.

All her life she had been a prisoner, fettered, locked up and sealed away. Then she escaped and was on the run, always running. When she came to the Human Realm she was hiding, always terrified of slipping up and exposing herself. She was always ready, should the day come, to run again. Run, flee, hide, survive.

Not anymore. She has a great life here with a family and friends! Not just surviving, she’s living for something now! Who is Jacob to think he could take that from her? Did he really think he had just cornered the only wild animal that wouldn’t bite?

”Let go of me!” Vee repeated, this time with a hiss as she bore her teeth. Her teeth, which now looked less like the relatively dull incisors and vestigial canines of a human, and more like sharp fangs. The skin on her hands and wrists began to change too, hardening into tough scales while her fingernails turned into claws.

Jacob did look a bit worried when he spotted the teeth. But, be it because of bravery or stupidity (though Vee knew what she’d bet on), he didn’t relent. He held steadfast her wrist, intent on not letting his prize catch escape again.

”As if!” he said, while trying to make himself look bigger than he was. ”I’ll never let you go, monster!”

”Hey!” A third voice joined the growing chaos. Both human and demon turned their heads towards the voice, a voice that was familiar to them both, though more so to Vee. Despite the situation she found herself in, the basilisk felt a wave of relief wash over her. Suddenly, she knew things were going to be okay. Because who would come to her rescue other than Reality Check Camps very own Cabin 7?

Marco, dressed as a Frankensteiner, with his distinctive bangs covering his eyes. It was a wonder he saw anything at all, especially on this dim evening.

Samuel, dressed as a werwolf, albeit a werwolf with glasses. Apparently even lycanthropes are subject to bad eyesight.

And finally Masha, dressed as a witch. They were the spearhead of the trio, just as they were at summer camp. Always the first one to get them into trouble, only occasionally the one to get them out of it. This time, they arrived to help Vee out of trouble. It seemed that even though they were now strangers, Cabin 7 still had her back.

”What’s going on here?” Masha shouted, making Jacob flinch. ”Let go of her, you pervert!”

”Wha-no!” Jacob explained. He might’ve been some flavor of crazy, but even Jacob realized how bad things must look from an outsider’s perspective. And even he realized the consequences of that was not something he wanted to deal with. ”Y-you’ve got it around your back foot! This is not what it looks like!”

”Really? How about we call the police and ask them what they think it looks like!?” Masha yelled back. Marco and Sam stood by their sides, ready to back them up if things got ugly… well, uglier.

”I-it’s not like that at all!” Jacob said quickly, very keen on not getting the police involved. He looked around, as if the fuzz were hiding behind the corners, ready to jump him. ”Listen, uh… Sasha? No, no, was it… Vasha…? W-whatever, it doesn’t matter.” He yanked on Vee’s wrist, making her stumble forward.

”This is no mere girl!” he exclaimed. ”This is a demon! She has come from another world and has been living among us humans for months! And now her allies, the witches have come too! I’ve seen them perform their wicked magics! They’re not here right now, they must’ve gone back to their own world, but who knows when they’ll be back? You must help me contain this creature so we can warn the president! We’ll share the fame and fortune! I’ll even let you collab with me on Mewtube once my account gets restored!”

He smiled manically.

”If you don’t believe me, just look at her teeth! Look at her claws!” He held up Vee’s hand in the light of a streetlamp for the three teens to see.

It was a completely normal human hand with the soft nails so typical of humans. Vee smiled nervously, showing off a set of very normal human teeth.

At some point during his little monologue, Vee had realized that the best way out of this situation was to just let Jacob keep talking, so she had retracted her claws and dulled her teeth.

Masha, Samuel, and Marco shared a few glances with each other. Vee knew them well enough to follow along.

”This guy’s a loon,” Marco’s gaze said.

”I know you said he was a nutcase, but I didn’t realize it was this bad,” Samuel’s look said.

”Yeah, even I didn’t think it was this bad,” Masha said with one stare.

Samuel stepped forward.

”You’re crazy,” he said simply. Then he punched Jacob in the stomach.

Jacob made a funny sound as all the air was forcibly evicted from his lungs. He fell to the ground, holding his tummy, letting go of Vee in the process.

”Come on, let’s get away from this creep,” Masha said, taking Vee’s hand. They gently coaxed her into following then, not that Vee needed much convincing. They led her away from the gasping and writhing Jacob while Marco and Samuel stayed behind to make sure he did’t try to follow.

”Hey, I don’t think I got your name before?” Masha asked in what was an obvious attempt to distract Vee from what had just happened. ” We met at the GHS yesterday, remember? I’m Masha. I offered you a tour of the town.”

”Y-yeah, I remember,” Vee said. In the moment, she hadn’t realized just how fast and hard her heart was beating, or how ragged her breath had become. She took a few deep breaths to try and calm down, force her body to stop shaking. The danger was gone, no need for flight or fight right now. ”I’m Vee,” she said, finally remembering that she had to reintroduce herself to the friend that didn’t know her. ”And, uh… as much as I would like that tour, I think I just wanna go home at the moment,” she said in a feeble attempt at levity.

A small smile flashed on Masha’s lips.

”I saw your friends at the Haunted Hayride,” they said. ”I didn’t see you though. Too scary for ya?”

”I was staying home with mom,” Vee said, so focused on trying to stay calm that she let her mouth go on autopilot. It took her a moment to realize the slip-up and try backpedalling. ”Or, uh, I mean… aw, geez, I misspoke, I didn’t mean to say-”

”Hey, hey, calm down, it’s fine,” Masahs interrupted the panicking basilisk. They had reached a car parked in front of some small store. They opened the door to the passenger seat and made Vee sit down. ”Just take it easy. That creep didn’t hit you, did he?”

Vee shook her head and massaged her wrist. She could feel where he had squeezed her, though that wasn’t too bad. She had spent the better part of her first decade and half alive in chains, a little pain in her hands was no biggie. No, the thing that bothered her was that she could feel the smell of him on her. It was like a brand. She couldn’t wait to get home and wash it off her.

”I’m fine,” she said after a while.

”Are you sure?” Masha asked, sounding a bit skeptical. Not unwarranted, most normal people would probably be a bit more shaken than Vee was appearing. They probably thought she was in shock.

”Yeah, I’m sure, I promise.” Vee gave Masha reassuring smile, but not too reassuring. ”He didn’t even grab me that hard. I was just a bit shocked. I mean, this was a lot, even for him.”

”Mmmm…” Masha hummed, their thoughts trailing off. ”I knew the guy was unbalanced, but not that he was this unhinged… what was he even talking about, demons and witches?”

”Haha, yeah, I know.” Vee’s laugh was stilted. ”What a nutcase.”

Marco and Samuel came walking back to the car.

”What a wimp,” Marco said. ”After you left he started crying. I think he’s stilly lying there on the ground.”

”Serves him right!” Samuel spat. ”He should be lucky to get off so lightly.”

”I tied his shoestrings together and threw his wallet up on the closest roof,” Marco added. The two boys hopped into the backseat of the car while Masha made it over to the driver’s seat. ”So he’ll have fun with that for a while.”

Vee couldn’t help but smile, the mental image of Jacob trying to scale a wall and falling down too funny not to laugh at.

”Should we call the police?” Samuel asked.

”N-no,” Vee said quickly. While the police might be interested in finding out that a man tried to abduct a girl, they would also be interested in finding out that said girl seemingly did not exist. ”I don’t think its necessary.”

Vee didn’t know it at the time, but she ended up being right. While trying to get his wallet back, Jacob woke and nearly scared the life out of the poor people living in the house. He ended up getting arrested for trespassing. It remains to be seen if he learned his lesson from that.

”Alright, if you’re absolute sure,” Masha said. ”Let me drive you home at least. Or do you have a ride?”

”I’d appreciate it,” Vee said. ”I, ah… missed my ride home.”

The ride back to the Noceda residence was spent mostly in silence, broken by Vee giving Masha directions when needed. Marco and Samuel also formally introduced themselves, unaware that Vee already knew them very well.

Vee had some time to think during the car ride. When Luz returned from the Demon Realm and reclaimed her life, Vee had stopped hanging out with her old cabin mates. With all the new friends in the house, she hadn’t really had the time to stop and think about how much she missed them. But, now they were together again, yet still separated by this new face and voice… it hit her, all at once. How much she missed them and how much she wanted to spend time with them. But she couldn’t, or… maybe…

”There you go, back home, safe and sound,” Masha said as she pulled up the driveway.

”Wait…” Marco said slowly, scratching his head. ”Isn’t this where Luz lives?”

”Yeah, I live here too,” Vee replied. ”I’m uh… well, you see… it’s complicated, but, ah.. Camila lets me live here.”

Out of the corner of her eye she could spot Masha looking at her. They were clearly remembering the comment Vee made before about her mom. They didn’t say anything.

Vee took a deep breath, gathering up all the courage she had. ”Grow a spine,” was the human saying. Vee was a snake, she had plenty of spine.

”Why don’t you guys come inside?” she said quickly, not giving herself enough time to chicken out. She was going to commit to this now. ”I’d like to give you all a proper ’thank you’ for helping me out.”

There was some hesitation.

”It is getting pretty late and we were supposed to sleep at my parent’s house,” Masha said. ”But I’m sure they’d let us sleep at Mrs. Noceda’s house, right?”

”It should be fine, Samuel said, grabbing his phone to send his parents a text.

Marco shrugged and said ”I don’t care.”

”Sounds like it’s decided!” Ve said, a little too chipper and eager to get them inside. ”Come along!”

She lead them inside the mostly dark house and gestured for them to sit down on the sofa.

”Sit down, sit down, I’ll get snacks,” she said and hurried off to the kitchen. Her friends were left in the dust, looking around the messy living room. It looked like a whirlwind had swept through the house, with boxes of costumes strewn about.

In the kitchen, Vee was washing her hands while trying to work up the courage to go through with this crazy idea.

”Come on, you can do this,” she said while washing the stench of Jacob off her hands. She dried her hands off before gathering the snacks she had promised. This was going to take a while, she might as well give her guests something to chew on while she told them… what she was going to tell them. ”You escaped the emperor’s dungeons and evaded his scouts. You helped fight him tonights for Titan’s sake! You can tell your best friends a secret. It’s not hard. They won’t hate you… yeah! Us weirdos stick together, that’s the Cabin 7 way!”

”Hey, Vee?” Masha interrupted the disguised demon’s personal pep talk and nearly made her shed her skin at record speeds.

”Yes!” Vee almost yelled and spun around. ”Wh-what’s on your heart?”

”Is Luz home?” Masha asked. ”Cause we haven’t talked to her in ages…”

Masha’s usually confident eyes flickered down for a few seconds. It hurt Vee to see them without that characteristic confidence that she admired so much. They must be thinking that their friend Luz had abandoned them, left them for some new, cooler friends.

That sealed it in Vee’s mind. She was going to do this. She might come to regret this immediately afterwards, her friends might hate her, she might have to run and hide again… but she was going to do it. She couldn’t stand lying to them anymore, to cause them any amount of suffering. Not after all the kindness they had done to her.

”Yes… or, no,” Vee said, having taken just a little too long to answer. She grabbed the snacks and lead Masha out the kitchen. ”No, Luz is not home right now. She and Camila are away, it… it was a very sudden thing. Kind of an emergency.”

”…okay?” Masha replied, confusion on their face. They shared another few looks with Marco and Samuel. Vee realized that all things considered, she was acting very suspicious. It was Halloween after all. Someone acting this odd on an evening like this… watching horror films the night before, debating witches and folklore… it’s only natural that the unknown would trouble on a human’s mind.

”I’ll explain, I swear,” Vee assured them, not that it did a whole lot to ease their worried minds. If anything, it just made them more confused as to what was going on. ”But it’s a long story, so you might wanna sit down,” Vee continued and gestured to the sofa. The Cabin 7 Crew collectively hesitated before finally sitting down. Vee dumped the snacks on the coffee table and grabbed a chair for herself.

She felt around in her second stomach. She had absorbed a fair bit of magic from Belos during the fight. Amity and Willow had left plenty of abomination slime and enchanted plants behind. So she had a lot of leftover magic to scarf down on if need be. She could afford to show off a little.

”Have you guys noticed something… off with Luz lately?” she asked. ”In the last two months or so… almost like she became a different person overnight?”

Of course they had noticed, and Vee could tell based on their expressions when she asked that question. She also suspected that they had talked about it with each other. Not only had Luz more or less ghosted them and started hanging out with a bunch of strangers that no one knew, her personality had completely shifted. The Luz they knew from camp was gone… almost as if she had become a different person overnight.

”What I’m about to say next might sound insane, but I can guarantee you it’s the truth,” Vee said. ”All I’m asking is that you listen to me… and maybe don’t be too angry with me… okay?”

More glances were exchanged, glances of confusion and worry.

”Vee… what’s going on?” Samuel was the first one to speak up. ”Is… something wrong with Luz? What happened to her?”

Vee took a few quick, sharp breaths. She was about to go against every instinct in her basilisk brain, instincts ingrained into her very core by countless generations before her. Here goes nothing.

”Luz did become a different person overnight.” Vee was having to force herself not to speak too fast. She enunciated every word, trying to make sure there was no room for misinterpretation. ”Or rather, she became herself. You see, the Luz you met at summer camp wasn’t the real one. It was me. I was disguised as her and took her place. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to, but… well, I think is worked out for the better for both of us.”

Silence. The three Cabin 7 members sat opposed to her stared at her. Confused, bewildered, positively befuddled. Indeed, was this not an incredibly odd thing to be said by someone who wasn’t insane?

”I… don’t get it.” Marco was the first one to speak. ”What do you mean you ’took Luz’ place?’”

”I know it’s probably a bit hard to believe, I mean, me and Luz don’t exactly look or sound alike,” Vee said, a small smile on her lips. ”But what about now?” she said, speaking with the voice of Luz.

The Cabin 7 Crew sat still as rocks while their brains tried to process what was going on.

Vee giggled.

”S-sorry, but you guys look so funny,” she said, sounding exactly like Luz from camp. She stood up from her chair and spun around in place, transforming into a spitting image of Luz. No, not a splitting image, the original image. Because that was Luz from camp. ”How about now? Do you believe me now?”

Masha gripped the armrest of the sofa so hard their nails threatened to rip the fabric.

”Explain,” they demanded. ”Right now.”

”Sure thing, though it’s a long story, which is why I brought snacks,” Vee said, shifting back to her regular human form, but with a slight adjustment to make her ears more obvious. She decided against reverting back to her true basilisk form just yet. It was probably for the better if she eased her friends into it.

She cleared her throat.

”What Jacob said before was true. Well, kinda…’even a broken clock is right twice a day,’ I think the saying goes. There is a world beyond this one. A world of magic, and witches, and demons. Demons like me. I’m a basilisk.”

Masha raised their hand.

”No, you won’t die if you look at my true form,” Vee said.

Masha lowered their hand.

”That was a rumor started by witches because… well, you see, we basilisks eat magic, that’s how I can transform.” Vee paused to think for a second. Her captivated audience waited with bated breaths. ”You know what, this probably isn’t the best order to take things. Let’s start with Luz, on that fateful day while she was waiting for the bus to take her the horrible summer camp. As she stood waiting, she spotted a strange owl which she followed into an abandoned house in the woods…”

The End… or is it?

xxXXxx

Author’s Notes

…even more of them

The Lampman tries not to worldbuild in one of his fanfics challenge. Level: impossible.

Probably my favorite line in this was ”Did he really think he had just cornered the only wild animal that wouldn’t bite?” though the ”trick-or-retreated” line is a close second, I thought I was really clever there.

You might’ve noticed I changed ”Marco” and ”Samuel’s” costumes around. I have a reason for this, but I won’t explain it. You might wonder about the term ”Frankensteiner.” It’s from the books about Nelly Rapp by Martin Widmark (illustrations by Christina Alvner). Nelly Rapp is a monster agent, a person who deals with monsters and other supernatural beings. Her first mission has her take on the cold-hearted debt collector Robert Steen, a Frankensteiner.

A Frankensteiner is basically a Frankenstein’s monster, a human made up from separate parts (it’s a kids book, so they never explain exactly where the separate parts come from). They are often kept isolated from humanity and thus don’t develop a connection between their hearts and minds.

After spying on Robert, Nelly finds out that he has two left feet, and that he must be in constant pain from walking. So she manages to trick him into getting a foot massage. With his pain alleviated, he becomes a better person, even getting engaged with the masseuse.

In the next book, Nelly (with some help from her loyal dog London) cures two werewolves from their lycanthropy with vegetarian sausage, the power of laughter, and a strong lamp.

ANYWAY, one of the things I was very conscious about with this story was trying to make sure every member of the Cabin 7 Crew got to do something. It’d be very easy to have Masha be the only one doing stuff since, you know… they’re the only one with a name. Or personality. Also a ship, and fanfic writers love their ships almost as much as they love putting A Guy in a Situation (did i use this meme right?).

I sometimes steal take inspiration from song lyrics while writing. Usually, this is because I happen to be listening to that song while writing. Living in America by The Sounds doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, but it was on while I was editing, so Masha gets to be ”pretty as a picture, dancing the night away.”

A more obvious example is a few lines I stole borrowed from Fear of the Dark by Iron Maiden. ”Watching horror films the night before, debating witches and folklore, the unknown troubles on your mind.” Great song for driving home from work on a dark autumn evening.

So yeah, I would say this story shaped up pretty well. Let me know what you guys think. until next time, take care of the planet Earth, and remember that anything can happen in space!

#fanfic #fanfiction

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i-love-you-all · 2 years

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Whumptober Day 1: A Little Out of the Ordinary

If you weren’t w me last year, this is my first story for Whumptober 2022! Everyday I’ll be positing a short fanfic relating to the prompts of this event. Most stories will stay as they are, but I’ll also be posting them on AO3 as well, and some of the days that I like might get turned into longer fics (like Memory Lost and Found). Please keep in mind that any potential triggers/warnings will be found right before the story or in the tags!

This is a Viper/Omen story pre VP era when they were both just brilliant scientists.

~2k words Viper/Omen, medical experimentation

There was a silence in the room. Then, a single hand raised up.

Sabine had a million nightmares before today, and this was just one more. When they were dismissed from the meeting, she rushed to Fredrick’s side as they walked down the hall to have a chance to talk to him before the team would rush him at his lab. This would be her one time to talk to him before he had to do whatever it was that this project was attempting. She still didn’t quite understand what they were asking for. Volunteers for what? Radianite as far as they knew it was a trace substance with the potential for high volumes of energy. She heard snippets from Fred that they may have traced its existence on ancient pieces of human history, even if it went undiscovered until just recently. But what was this about integration into the human genome?

“You can’t be serious,” she whispered when she finally got a hold of him by his sleeve and dragged him into her lab. No one had even entered the same room as this substance without all the protective gear they could feasibly put on one person. When the effects were this unknown, Fred just signed up for a death wish.

But this was Fred. He was kind, intelligent, and sometimes too charismatic for his own good. So, of course, he didn’t see the issue.

“Why can’t I be? I’ve worked with this stuff longer than anyone else. I know the most about it. No one else is better trained on radianite than I am.”

She shook her head. “And what if something goes wrong? This is dangerous, you could get hurt, you could—”

“Then it’s good that I have the best doctor looking after me, yes?” He brushed some of her bangs to the side so he could stroke her cheek. “And she just happens to be so stunning and takes my breath away, and—”

“Fred, if I really took your breath away, you wouldn’t be saying all these useless things.”

He laughed despite Sabine’s frown.

“Sabine, I understand the dosages and the risks. I know what we expect to happen, and I know what the margins are. I believe in the project. Will you believe in me?”

There was that charisma that she both loved and hated. It was what drew her to him in the first place. The brilliant scientist trying to tempt the equally brilliant doctor with sweet words was not a trope she was expecting, but it was what she eventually fell for. She looked up at him and his puppy dog eyes and sighed. He held her hands in his and leaned in to press his lips to her cheek.

“Darling, what’s the worst that can happen? I end up in a hospital bed? Having you as my personal nurse for a few weeks? I’ll do my best to be careful. I just need your support.”

Sabine really had no choice but to sigh and nod her head.

“Ok. You can go do this. Just promise me – promise me, that you’ll be safe. You’ll make it out alive.”

“Of course. I know I have to live. As long as I do that, you can fix anything else.”

They shared one last kiss, then he snuck out the back to regroup with the new team on the project.

What’s the worst that can happen? A lot of things. Fred didn’t go back home with her, and even as she tried to sleep on her side of the bed, just in case he came home late, the image of the empty side of her bed prevented her eyes from closing. What was he doing right now? Did they already start the trials? Who authorized something like this? Were they maybe just doing more complicated calculations that he would review with her tomorrow to give her brain something to look through? No, that last one was wishful thinking. Sabine curled up a little tighter around her bedsheets and, eventually, a restless sleep came over her. She was relieved to wake up.

She used to dismiss superstitions. They were often associated with wild theories or personal beliefs, nothing that she had any use for. But today, the very air around his lab was hazy. It was all in her head. She kept repeating that to herself, even if she didn’t believe it. The steps up to his lab felt arduous and she almost turned around a few times. Fred was… Ok. He looked tired, but when she walked through the door, he smiled wide and held his arms out for a hug. Sabine made sure to lock the door before she walked in. His hold around her was comforting as she sat on his lap.

“Long night?”

His voice was muffled from how his head was buried in the crook of her neck. “Not a single minute of sleep.”

She let her fingers run through his soft, fluffy hair. “Should I get you coffee?”

“If you have time this morning.”

She herself had hundreds of tasks to get through today. However, one look at him and she decided she could add one more.

“I’ll be right back.”

The fact that he was up all the time was just the beginning. Even when they went to bed together, she could feel him shifting around all night. During the day, it was like a shadow clung onto him. His smiles were smaller, his words a little quieter. He was still himself, just muted. And she hated it. She watched the man she loved change from the person she recognized, to some ghost that did all the things she remembered Fred doing, but with none of the gusto of a man who loved his life. But she wasn’t about to tell him otherwise because Fred would let her know when he’s had enough of this project. So, until he said so, she kept quiet.

One night, as he crawled into bed with him, he wrapped himself around her, tighter than he ever had before.

“Everything ok?” She managed to whisper.

“I can start to feel the side effects.” The whisper was strained, almost like it was said through gritted teeth. “It’s starting to hurt. Like it’s pulling me apart.”

“Do… Do you think you should request to stop?”

“No, no... I’m so close to the end, Sabine.” He was speaking through his teeth, afraid of what horrible sound of pain would escape his lips if he relaxed even a little. “Just a little longer, I promise. Then everything will slowly go back to normal.”

It’s funny how things slowly get back to normal but quickly fall apart.

It happened when she was pouring over the latest medical papers in her lab. A new experimental super antibiotic with promise going through mouse trials. Genetic modification that augmented DNA in primate trials. A new effect observed in workers at Radianite factories. That one caught her eye. An observational study that concluded that there was a higher percentage of mania amongst workers at a Radianite factory than the general population. They felt like they were being ripped apart, despite no physiological abnormalities. These people spent years working at the factory before the symptoms began. Fred went from normal to the exact same symptoms listed here in two weeks. The consequences of such a drastic change did not settle easily in her mind.

Just as she reached for her phone, the lights flickered and went out. As she turned on the flashlight she saw shadows, not of her desk or herself, but long, claw-like shadows that dispersed to reveal a face. A face she hoped to be a stranger. And yet in that look, she saw love.

It was just moments later when she burst through the double doors into the Radianite lab in a panic. Her hair was a mess, and she was out of breath, doubled over trying to recompose herself.

There were a dozen guards in there, all with their guns raised at something in the middle. She had to blink her eyes hard because her eyes couldn’t see clearly in the dim thrumming of the emergency lights. They made it hard to make out the shape of whatever was just standing at the end of all those guns. A living shadow she eventually figured out. It looked like a man, but there was no visible shape. Formless, but just for a moment because she saw it form one. It looked around at everyone and seemed to try and copy them. That was when they noticed her as well.

“Doctor, you shouldn’t be here.” It was the captain of the guard here. They talked on occasion. He liked to listen to her explain the newest medical news and she liked an audience. It helped her straighten out her thoughts. Fred was jealous on occasion, and he always made sure to dote on her with what little time he had to make up for it, even if he knew that she would have eyes for no one else. He didn’t like the fact that he wasn’t there enough, despite all the pressures of their jobs.

He cleared a patch for her, but she could only stand there and stare at the one in the middle. The more she looked, the worse she felt. Because where was Fred in all of this? Even amongst all the scientists she passed, there was no lovely face lighting up as she passed. There were no golden-brown eyes that reminded her of afternoon sunlight dappled across his face. And she was smart enough to deduce her worst fear.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

She heard the crackling words from a speaker somewhere above her. Grief, horror, whatever it was welling up in her unleashed itself in an inhuman sound screaming a single name. Fred.

“What did you do to him?” Her voice was quiet, a contrast to the inhuman noise she had just made. No one had seen Dr. Callas like this before. But no one, not even the captain moved close to her again. Her words dripped with too much venom. Her green eyes darted around, looking for someone to blame, someone to accuse. It burned at any who dared look at her directly.

There was no answer. And she knew that when this was all… cleaned up, this would be written off as an unforeseen consequence. An accident. An adverse effect. She saw it in the medical reports of other experiments. It would be the same here. A single tear rolled down her cheek. The guards around her backed off. Was the one tear that powerful? Did it properly convey her despair? Then she looked up and saw what other people were backing up from.

The creature – no… this was Fred. He walked up to her, and she reached up for him. He flinched at first, then let her fingers pass through him. There was nothing to hold, nothing to squeeze. No way to make him understand how much she needed him now. In turn, as she watched her fingers pass through his biceps, his chest, he tried to hold her cheek and use his thumb to wipe the tear away. She could feel the slightest stirring of the air against her face. If she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to imagine the man, not the shadow, she could almost smell his cologne.

“Who are you?”

Her eyes flew open again. Her hand reached for his and once again passed straight though. But she had no answer. Still, he waited.

“Fred. Is that my name?”

She was frozen, just staring into the wisps of blue fire. Where did his eyes go? His smile? That charisma?

The silence was getting heavier.

Eventually, she gave a shaky laugh. “No… Fred was someone else. I don’t know you.”

#whumptober 2022 #no.1 #adverse effects #this wasn't supposed to happen #valorant #valorant fanfic #medical experimentation #valorant viper #viper #valorant omen #omen #viper/omen #my writing

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twinstarlovers · 1 year

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You know… I’m wondering if I’m meant to 100% like disconnect from you not literally but like from here & shit like not post. In a way I refuse to but I wonder if it’s like an attachment thing. I don’t want to stop posting here. I think part of it is me people pleasing cus I’m caring about your feelings & I don’t want you to feel like I don’t care or whatever or I’m just moving on. It feels as if I’m doing you dirty basically. Plus my libra ass doesn’t feel like risking getting my ass beat from the universe but also I don’t want to leave because I like it here but I’m literally talking to a ghost but still. You a cute ghost 🥹👻. Anyways, since I have attachment issues.. I think this is like the final lesson (not like ever but for rn) like to fully detach from you but still loving myself outside of here. I’m still loving you.. just not showing you by living my life in peace & shit & not self sabotaging. I’m kinda sad cus I don’t want to leave. I think it’s lowkey lack of trust in the universe too because I feel like if I detach then I won’t have you. I don’t have you but this account is what I have that’s close enough to you. I wanna cry rn omg. This is so sad. I know the universe will bring us back & shit but it’s more scary not posting because it’s like I’m forgetting about you & if I’m forgetting about you then you won’t come back. I had this similar experience when I first had to let go of your ghost, I still remember that day. You were gone but I was still living w your ghost & that was the only thing keeping me somewhat sane. I didn’t want to let go even tho you were already gone. 321 but why am I lowkey crying. It feels like a goodbye or sum. I know my ass is gonna have to delete the tumblr app to stay away. Im doing well tho. Did womb healing today. Very intense, lots of tears. This situationship is good too. He’s great but he’s not you so it makes me feel detached. I feel like I could fall in love if you didn’t exist. I’m working on my trust issues w this guy. He’s great but I think that’s what triggers me. Especially because all I’ve ever attracted was shitty people, it’s confusing energy like for someone to be genuine. Even tho there’s a lot of ‘firsts’ w him, it’s better this way because the ‘firsts’ are not the best because of my wounded self & the universe & I wouldn’t want to put you through that. I wish I could feel more but I do not but I think that’s my sacral chakra which is the reason for me doing womb healing. I feel like shit tho posting on here & talking to him cus I feel like I’m cheating lol. I ain’t cheating cus I’m talking to me ☝🏼🙄. Anyways I am pretty sad now. I like to come on this account & just re read shit or see the videos that I posted as a form of comfort but as you can see it’s also some sort of attachment. My friend be like “let him goooo” & in my head I’m like… I’m not meant to but she’s right like I gotta let you go by not posting you & stuff like I can’t actuallyyyyy let go if I wanted to. In a way I’m being delusional cus I’m not actually talking to you but then I always feel like I am because I lowkey am so that doesn’t necessarily make me delusional, it makes me intuitive? Idkkkk but yeah I have to say goodbye now.

I hope to talk/see you very soon. Ima always miss you & want you forever & don’t let me not posting or me detaching make you think otherwise. You gotta remember our purpose Lamo ☝🏼🪐. Lamo gotta be a strong boy 💪🏼🧸. I’ll be a strong girl for you too 💪🏼💓. It us FOREVER ❤️‍🔥. You know I promise to do the work cus I wanna be w you. These situationships have NUN on you 🫵🏻🙄🤚🏼, they ain’t mamo & they never will be ☝🏼😒 but this account ain’t gonna die. I’ll come back when the time is right. This account for da books 📚💞🎞️ soooo hell yeah I’m coming back. Take care of our account for me tho 🥺🙏🏻. I’ll take care of Goresi, Mamosi, Chickira & the bunny. Maybe not Goresi 🙄. I’ll keep her alive tho 🤷🏻‍♀️. Stay safe 🫵🏻🥺💖. Kissies & huggies for dovey always ♥️. I love you forever ❤️‍🔥 my lovely twin.

Bye bye Lamo Mamo 👋🏼🥺🧸💗.

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avtracker · 26 days

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monday, april 1, 2024

8:16a forgot to record when i woke up and stuff. i got to school around 30 mins ago. currently sitting in the library of my uni. i released Democracy is Magic this morning, me and my friend’s abridged, and so far it’s been getting good reviews from the two people i sent it to that have seen it lol. em saw it in a private screening, and she liked it. she told me later that she has quotes stuck in her head, lol. i actually forgot today was aprils fools day lmao, to me it was just release day.

i forgot my airpods at home :( and it’s still 1:50 until my first and only class. brutal. then i drive to work lol

there’s hw due in my deductive logic course at the beginning of class. i’ll hammer it out at around 9a i think

oh! there was very little traffic on the road to school today. also, this morning i stopped at an exxon and there were like 6 old men inside and all their heads turned when i walked through the door lol. split dye hair-having alt peeps be like: (the aforementioned)

i actually feel weirdly invigorated this morning lmao

8:27a OMG MARY JUST GOT BACK TO ME ON DiM!!! SHE LOVED IT :DDD DiM getting glowing reviews frrrr WE’RE ALMOST AT 5 GOD REVOIWS!!1

ALSO GHOST ENERGY ORANGE DREAM IS DELISH

9:50a okay thea and i have been texting and we know what we’re gonna do for the plot of DiM so i’m skipping class to work on it before i have actual work LMFAO

9:28p very eventful day. work was aight, nothing to report, but thea had work so we couldn’t talk more about our DiM plans, but they’re crazy! and also i’m trying celtx, seems nice!! i like that one project can have many episodes. will work great for this. i also watched youtube lol, but im really excited for the future of DiM

11:22p i decided that i wanna watch youtube videos on the account i plan to post from, you know like a normal person. so i set that up and lemme just say: breaking in the perfect youtube algorithm again is gonna be hard lol. also im feeling a bit dull rn but i wanna be creative and write something. maybe some DiM but i kinda wanna write a solo thing. perhaps this one short film/video idea i thought of earlier? that i wrote down? schmerhaps…

- 11:24pm

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jimbleswrites · 1 year

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Pantheon 2022

Chapter 6: Housekeeping & Looking Forward

A/N: I’m going to start putting the first paragraph outside the keep reading bumper. I mostly kept it under that so anyone’s dash wouldn’t be bogged up, but i think having one out shouldn't be too intrusive. other than that, writing has slowed a bit because i am training a new guy at work, but i’m still writing when i get time!

It had been a few days since my last mission, where I handed off the info leaks to Dan & Pat. Their online site, the Weekly Eagle, had posted the articles, showing GIPA’s unverified info and stalking some people for unknown reasons. This was edited from the true version of Project Olympus, cutting out the godly aspects and just leaving the version showing GIPA as invasive and controlling. I exchanged info with Dan & Pat, with them ecstatic to have a new member of their small news site, and took my leave. Today, I had decided to train with Mrs. R again, slowly working on my aura control. She had come over to Vida’s plane and we were training by the shoreline.

“You can construct almost anything with your aura, you just have to focus on it.” she explained. “Now you try it.” She formed a large boxing glove around her hand. “Try to make a glove like this.” I focused and a golden glove formed around my hand, just like hers. She smiled. “You’re getting the hang of this. But it’s not all combat-focused.” She closed her eyes and a blue energy formed nearby, making a bench and sitting down. She motioned to the seat next to her. I sat next to her, facing the eternal sunset. The bench was a bit stiff but Mrs. R seemed comfortable. “But you’re doing good with your powers, how about your personal life? Adjusting well to being a champion?”

I stared forward. “I think so. I’ve been trying to balance being a champion and living on earth. It’s a little weird though. Like I got a drink from a bar the other day without realizing I had no money. Luckily a person I knew covered it.”

Mrs. R laughed. “Like you left your stuff behind? I’ve left my bank card in Mr. E’s plane before too.”

“Bank card? Do you have a job?” I was a bit confused when she said that.

She looked just as confused as me. “No, you know? The Heavenly card?” I shook my head. Mrs. R laughed again. “I’m surprised Vida hasn’t brought this up with you yet, but even gods aren’t perfect.” She stood up and a doorway popped up next to her. “Come on, I'll set you up with an account.” I stood up, her bench disappearing as I walked with her through the doorway. As I stepped through after her, I found myself at a corporate office. It was a very open-concept, with fewer cubicles and more common areas. I blindly followed Mrs. R through several different halls as she strode forward to a small desk with a person sitting behind it. She stopped just short and turned back to me. “Just let this guy know you need to see Caitlyn about making an account. I’m going to go catch up with a buddy of mine here.” She then walked off, and I cautiously stepped forward to the desk.

“Excuse me? I need to see Caitlyn about making an account.” I politely asked the gentleman. He nodded and picked up a phone.

“Ma’am, someone is here about a new account.” A pause. “Yes ma’am. Of course.” He put the phone back on its receiver and looked back at me. “She’ll be with you shortly, have a seat over there.” He pointed towards a few seats next to a large office door. I thanked him and went to sit down. My phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket. It was a message from Dan, asking about a new project. He wanted to get info about a rival news site but had no luck getting in the building. The two reporters had asked a few times about help with various pieces they had, and so far I had been busy enough trying to work on my powers that I didn't get involved. Maybe after this meeting I could head back to New York and see what the problem was. I was still waiting to hear from Vida about the history lesson or any new missions.

I heard the door open and out stepped a shorter red-headed lady. Unlike Vida’s vibrant hair, hers was a deeper tone, tied back into a bun. She was wearing a white button-up shirt with black plants, with simple suspenders. She adjusted her glasses and looked over to me.

“Come on, new guy. Don’t have all day.” She waved at me and walked back inside her office. I stood up and walked after her. Her heels clacked on the hardwood floor as she walked ahead. Her office was filled with large screens showing stocks, graphs, and other various charts. She sat behind her desk. “Come on, big fella, I've got other things ta do today.” She spoke with a demanding Irish accent. I sat on the other side of the desk, watching her type quickly into a desktop computer. “So, you need a Heavenly account? I’ll be needing some info from ya. Let’s start with ya name, lad.”

“Robert Paladin.”

“An’ who do you work for?”

“Vida.”

The woman groaned once she heard the name. “Of course Vida would be runnin’ late with a new arrival. She loves throwin’ wrenches in my plans.” She finished typing and looked at me. “You look like a lost sheep, lad. You haven’t got the faintest idea what’s happening, do ya?” Her voice was almost patronizing, like a grade teacher who hadn’t gotten enough sleep.

“Not really, I just mentioned that I didn’t have a card to Mrs. R and she pulled me over here.” I was a little confused about it all, but I was under the assumption that this was a bank for gods. However that would work.

“I see, normally I get to set this up within a few days of you being enlisted, but Vida loves to mess with me schedule. Since champions interact with the mortal realm, i set up a banking system so you wouldn’t have ta worry about money.” she explained, still typing away.

“Is this just a thing you do for niceties? Or is this helping you somehow?” I asked. The dynamics of the gods and how they interacted was still something I wanted to know more about.

“Smart lad. I help the champions of all gods with money, and in return I calls em from time to time. Money, favors, information are all things I want, and the Heavenly Credit Union enables that.”

“So that makes you the goddess of…”

“Business. Caitlyn.” She stopped typing and pulled a card out of a drawer. She slid it over the desk at me. I picked it up and saw my name printed onto it. It was a credit card for Heavenly Credit Union. As I looked it over, she continued. “That’ll be acceptable at any location and any amount, and of course you agree to the fine print and terms & conditions by accepting this.” She pulled out a hefty packet and tossed it at me. It thudded loudly on the wooden desk. As I glanced through it, It was full of small text and felt purposely hard to read. The last page had a spot for a signature. I decided to sign, even if Vida hadn’t expressly set it up, it would be very useful. I finished signing my name, and the packet flew over to a filing cabinet and put itself inside. “Alright, you’re done. Get outta here.” Caitlyn pointed to the door and it opened. She turned her chair around, kicking her feet on a smaller table, and started looking at the screens. I awkwardly turned away, walking out and the doors closed between. I instinctively reached for a wallet, before realizing I didn't have one. I slid the card into my pocket, making a mental note to go shopping and grab some new clothes and essentials. I liked the yellow jacket Vida gifted me, but it wouldn’t hurt to grab more clothes.

I saw Mrs. R. was chatting with someone in an office nearby, and walked over. Mrs. R was happily talking about her day, while the person in the chair smiled gently. I stood at the door and knocked gently.

Mrs. R whipped around. “Finally! Robert, this is Banks! We were just catching up!” I waved hello to them. They seemed very reserved, barely registering my presence while continuing to type away. They wore a small pin with ‘They/Them’ written in cutesy writing.

I made a mental note of this before speaking. “Nice to meet you, Banks.”

They simply nodded, then began moving their hands rapidly. I guess they spoke sign language? I looked at Mrs. R for help.

“They’re asking who you are the champion for. Normally gods will make this a priority for new champions.”

“Oh, Vida. Do you know her?”

Banks rolled their eyes, rapidly signing again. “They do know her, but… Whoa, I’m not saying that!” Mrs. R started to translate only to stop after some aggressive signs. “I forget how much of a stickler for schedules you are.” Mrs. R sighed, before turning to me. “But you have your card now, right? Let's go shopping a little! Cool off after our training!” Mrs. R never struck me as a shopaholic, but her energy was infectious. She turned back to Banks. “You can come too! It’s been forever since we hung out!”

Banks signed something else, then pointed to the clock. “OK, after you’re done then!” Mrs. R answered, “I’ll text you the details later and you can meet us.” She waved goodbye, and a door faded in behind Mrs. R, and she started to walk backwards right through it. I waved goodbye as well and quickly followed her through this new door.

I came through the door to a small hallway filled with various clothes, and some old bins. Mrs. R was already a ways ahead, fiddling with a door at the end of the hallway. I quickly jogged up, watching her quickly check the door for anyone on the other side. She motioned to me, and walked on through. I followed her and was now inside a crowded mall. People shuffled around us as I followed Mrs. R.

“We can get you some new clothes,” Mrs. R started to talk while walking ahead, “And I’ve had a new set of shoes just calling my name.”

“You know, I never took you for a shopaholic.”

“When you have a card with no limit, you tend to enjoy shopping a lot more.” She pointed to a clothing store and our spree started. This particular mall had so many shops for anything from electronics to clothes to antiques to import shops. I lost track of time as we went from shop to shop. I picked up new clothes, a wallet, a watch, some furniture for my little cabin, and some other impulse buys. Some part of me worried about the card suddenly stopping to work, but it always went though. Once my arms filled with bags, I made a portal back to Vida’s plane and put them in the small cabin. Despite the clutter, it was starting to feel like my home versus something Vida made for me. I even focused my powers and changed the floor plan to be more open, with less doors and more doorway curtains.

“Not bad.” Mrs. R approved of the changes as she flopped down onto a newly purchased beanbag. “You could always add a gym though. Keep yourself in fighting shape.”

“It’s not a bad idea.” I mused. I didn’t like the idea of having a huge house with only me in it, but maybe adding a few rooms for training would be nice. I was sorting through the bags of new items when my phone rang. I pulled it out to see Dan was calling me. I could always sort this later, and Dan had been asking about that new scoop. I answered, “Dan, I was gonna text you about that scoop-”

I was cut off by a gruff voice. “You meet me. Top of the building. Don’t try anything or your pets here get hurt.”

“Who is this?” I was confused, but found myself clenching my fist.

“We’ll talk when you show up.” The caller hung up, leaving me with a pit in my stomach.

#Original Work #fiction #pantheon 2022 #writing

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pennywaltzy · 2 years

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Twist Of Fate (7/8)

I’m not going to finish it in time, but that’s fine (I’ll just post it whenever I finish). But here’s some more fluffier stuff.

Twist Of Fate - What if Jessica had a very good reason for not escorting Connor Dunbrook's kid to trial? What might have been?

READ PART 1 | READ PART 7

The next morning Angell wasn’t sick, but she still felt nauseous around coffee so she went back into the bedroom to lie down while Flack dumped out the coffee he’d made after serving himself up a cup in an insulated cup with a lid. This was going to take some getting used to, he realized, because Angell also ran on coffee like it was in her bloodstream.

He got her a cup of juice and took it to the bedroom, leaving the coffee for when they got to the precinct. “Feeling better?” he asked.

“A bit. I just...this no coffee thing really sucks,” she replied with a yawn.

“Maybe you can substitute some black tea for the caffeine.”

“Maybe,” she said with a nod, taking the juice. “Or I can get some V-8 Energy drinks. I think I can stomach an energy drink that’s mostly juice.”

“We can go shopping after work,” he said. “Just don’t OD on caffeine. Might not be good for the baby.”

“I know, I know. But I need something to wake me up.” She sipped the juice. “Think Danny was able to get everyone off the topic of pregnancy?”

“I think he’d have tried. Whether he was successful, we’ll find out today.” Flack went and sat down on the bed next to her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “We got our family out o the way. Your brothers all called last night so we know your dad told them. My dad called, and we saw Sam, now it’s just a matter of extended family, but they can wait.”

“So now it’s time to tell friends?”

“Yeah, I think we can tell our friends now. If they haven’t already guessed, at least.” He turned his head and kissed her temple. “Come on. Let’s get dressed and go find out who knows what.”

---

They went to the precinct first and told Captain Harris the official news. It didn’t take long for word to spread and everyone was coming up to their desks with congratulations and questions. Flack got the brunt of it, as he was on desk duty waiting to be cleared of the shooting during the rescue of Dunbrook’s kid, and Angell got sent to a scene with Stella and Hawkes.

When Angell came back she had a bouquet of flowers, a container of soup, and a wide smile on her face. “Hawkes is the best,” she said as she set everything down on her desk. “He really thought I was ill, and when I told him I was just pregnant he went to a florist and bought me these.” She lifted up the flowers again and took a sniff.

“And the soup?” Flack asked, pointing to the container.

“That he already had with him. He stayed up last night and made chicken noodle soup.”

“Oooh,” he said. “I get some?”

“Maybe, provided I don’t eat it all myself,” she said. She sat down and he saw her hand go over her belly protectively. “I can call and ask him to bring some to you. I did eat most of the spaghetti, after all.”

“Nah,” Flack replied. “I was thinking we could all meet up at Sullivan’s for dinner and drinks tonight. I know they have non-alcoholic stuff like juice there. You can get a mocktail while the rest of us have beers and stuff.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said. “I finally feel like celebrating a little? I mean, I want to go see Clarissa first, talk to her and you know, make sure she doesn’t blame me.”

“I don’t think she does,” Flack said. “She was looking to leave. This might be the final push, and if the nerve damage is there, she could be getting worker’s comp for a long while. They can fast-track her retirement, too. I heard Captain Harris talking about it with Jason. She’ll be taken care of financially, at least.”

“Yeah, but she didn’t need to be there. She was covering for me.”

“Then let’s go after lunch,” he said. “See if she’s up for a visit.”

“Okay.”

---

Clarissa was up and happy to see both of them. News had gotten to her that Angell was pregnant and she was so happy Angell hadn’t been shot that she was crying, and Angell started crying in relief, leaving Flack holding a dozen roses while the two women hugged and cried.

Finally, Angell pulled back. “You know you’re on the short shortlist for godmother, right?” Angell said.

“Oh, I would love to be a godmother to your baby. But I thought that would go to Detectives Messer and Messer,” Clarissa said.

“Most of the labs are going to end up godparents, we think,” Flack said with a chuckle. “But seriously, we talked about this last night. We’re thinking you, Stell, and Lindsey for godmothers, and Danny, Hawkes, and Mac for godfathers.”

“I’m honored,” Clarissa said. “I really am. And thanks for coming to visit. I was so worried it was bad news at the appointment. Captain Harris split the pool money with me so that’s how I found out.”

“I can’t believe you all were running a pool on me knocking Jess up,” Flack said.

“It was bound to happen sometime,” Angell said with a laugh. But I couldn’t be having a kid with a better man.”

“I feel the same way about Jason,” Clarissa said. “Even if my kid is ten already. He’s been a great help with stuff so far, and he’s been a huge help to my son, sorting through how he feels about all this.” She shook her head. “I think this was what’s going to get me off the force. I mean, I got lucky. It could have been much worse, or I could have died. But I’ll take some nerve damage for the ability to see another day, you know?”

Both Flack and Angell nodded. That was the way they felt as well, even if they stayed on the force. “Oh yeah,” Flack said. “I’ve already been blown up on the job. But fatherhood may be what gets me to go into the private sector.”

“You? Leave the force?” Clarissa asked, surprised.

“I’ve gotten offers, and so has Don. We’re thinking we might look into some of them,” Angell said. “But for now we’re staying put.”

“Well, that’s good,” Clarissa said. “But enough maudlin talk. Have you two started picking out names yet?”

Angell and Flack relaxed into the conversation about the pregnancy, with Angell’s pose relaxing even more now that she knew Clarissa didn’t blame her. Things were going to work out, one way or the other, and that was all that really mattered.

#csi new york #CSI: NY #csi ny #flack x angell #fanfic #fanfiction #don flack #jessica angell

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whatanoof · 3 years

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A Push in the Right Direction

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Reader

Word Count: ~7.6k

Warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, sexual tension, rough sex, sex pollen so by default it's dubcon, pining

Summary: Healing injured patients? Psh, easy stuff. Force healing? A little more tricky. Confessing your crush to your very close friend? Damn near impossible until a flower bush shoves you in the right direction.

A/N: Happy birthday my friend @marvelassassin221b!! I hope you are staying safe, and that your birthday will bring happiness and wisdom to your life. It's been a blessing talking to you and laughing at memes together <3 Thank you for giving me the push to get this fic done and posted, I couldn't have done it without you. Enjoy some of our favorite redhead Jedi ;)

You’ve always been terrible with directions. Like, it’s a miracle you haven’t gotten lost in more dangerous settings, but even your Jedi Master used to shake their head when you had survival exercises in your Padawan years. Greez too, makes comments about how atrocious you are at navigation. You hadn’t been allowed back to the holomap since a disastrous set of directions landed the Mantis on the more unfriendly side of the Outer Rim.

But even with all of your shortcomings at mapping, you have a solid crisis mode. You need to have one as a medic. It’s not a good idea to freeze when a patient is bleeding out on the ground in front of you, there is only one way that is going to end, and it’s not going to be a happy ending. Under pressure, all of the unsureness that surfaces during your attempts at navigation vanishes, and your body is moving before your mind even consciously thinks to. It’s your zen mode, almost your place of meditation, where you give into the inner instinct and allow the Force to guide you through the process. Too bad you can’t reach that state in any situation other than emergencies, maybe you would be able to navigate your moves in confessing a crush.

You had met Cal Kestis on Bracca. He’d cut his hand open on a jagged edge of wall paneling, and Prauf brought him to you, one of the few healers among the scrappers. You couldn’t tell what exactly it was that gave him away to you, but the instant his eyes met yours, you knew where he had come from.

Of course, you waited until Prauf had gone back to work to reveal yourself. Healing through the Force decreases the chance of infection, is painless, and is essentially instantaneous. While your normal supplies would have done the trick, the drama queen in you realized this would be the perfect way to show Cal he wasn’t alone. Force healing is tricky, but you’d had a surprising knack for it ever since your youngling years. The Order had trained you up in the way of Force healing and given you the tools to take advantage of your aptitudes. Cal’s face had been priceless when you simply waved your hand over his, and the wound closed within seconds.

There was a certain comfort in knowing you weren’t alone. Admittedly, in the long years after the Purge, you’d toyed with the idea that you had been the only Jedi to escape. Those had been dark days, where you could barely scrape together the energy to forage for food and water, laughing that the Jedi Order would die with a single Padawan who had lost her lightsaber along with everything she had known.

But then Cal stumbled into your little cordoned off area. You’d become close friends from that moment to the day Prauf died and the Ninth Sister shoved you both off of the cliff and onto the freight train below. The Mantis crew was surprised, to say the least. They had gotten reports of a single Jedi wreaking havoc on Bracca. But they welcomed you aboard and you had become the team medic, patching up Cal when he got back from missions and finding time in between to try and recover the Force abilities you had lost to time.

---

“Hey.” You look up from your work. Medical supplies lie strewn across the floor of your part of the room, bandages unwound and your meager supply of medication stacked methodically in the corner.

Cal looks down at you from the doorway, a streak of something across his cheekbone. You want to wipe it off, but you just smile back, “Welcome back. Find anything cool?”

His happy grin only widens, “You’ll have to come and find out.”

“What?”

He beckons you towards the main hull, “Come on!”

Cere and Greez are already there and seated around the meal table, and BD is perched on the table, chirruping animatedly as if talking to Cere. You take your place with them, noting the empty chair to your right. Merrin is back on Dathomir, searching for ancient texts about Nightsister magic and rituals. She’s been gone for several days, but you still find yourself seeking out her snarky comments and cool confidence.

“Okay.” Cal stands at the head of the table, rubbing his hands together in a way that makes him seem as if he is playing the adult. “I’m willing to bet you're all wondering why I’ve called you here today…”

“Spit it out Cal, you woke me up from a nap for this.” Greez eyes the redhead grumpily, and you fight to hide a grin. Cere also looks mildly amused, if slightly impatient.

Cal rolls his eyes, but continues, “Cordova left a message, saying something very valuable to our quest is locked in a vault in the Zeffo caves. I found the vault today and it matches Cordova’s description, but we need two Force users to access it.” He nudges BD, and the little droid projects an image of the vault door. It’s massive, with gold decorations swirling across it, and two obvious indents in the ground on either side for said Force users.

Everyone’s gazes flit to Merrin’s empty chair. It’s without question she would have been the best fit for this mission. Her combat style complements Cal’s perfectly, and Cere is still hesitant to use the Force.

Realization strikes you, and you glance up to see everyone’s eyes are now trained on you. You begin to shake your head. “That’s a bad idea--”

“We’ll be fine. I’ll lead us directly to the vault. I have my saber, and you have your Force healing. Worst case scenario, you have to patch me up in the field.” That is definitely not the worst case scenario, but there are no other options. This mission is time-sensitive, and you can’t wait for Merrin to get back from Dathomir.

You fix him with a stern glare. “I will come. But--” You hold up a hand when Cal opens his mouth. “You have to stick with me. No disappearing and popping out to scare me, because I will get lost We go in, and we get out.“

“I wouldn--” Cal protests.

“You would.” You snap.

“Yeah, he would.” Cere agrees.

“Sounds like something you would do.” Greez nods.

BD beeps cheerily from its place in the center of the table, clearly in agreement with you.

Cal shuts his mouth with an audible pop, and you cross your arms while staring him down. Yes he would.

“I need BD back here on the ship. I’m running diagnostics on the navigation programming, and I can’t do it alone.” Cere speaks up.

Cal hesitates. You understand; he never goes on missions without BD. The two are a package deal, but everything needs to be running at peak efficiency before you go to the Fort Inquisitorius. And there’s no way you’re willing to deal with a navigation error en route.

You speak up, “Yeah, it will be fine.”

Cal looks at you, “We need BD to unlock a shortcut. What happened to in and out?”

You wave him off, “We’ll take the scenic route. Cere needs BD back here, and we can manage without. We’ll have our comm units, it will be fine.”

---

Do you know that saying, “Famous last words?”

Yeah. You hadn’t realized just how famous those last words could be. It started when Cal realized he’d left his comm unit on the ship in the charging port. But it was fine, because you had yours. Until you dropped it into a puddle after tripping over a tree root.

The scenic route involved passing through the outskirts of a forest, and the terrain was a little trickier than you had been prepared to handle, obviously. So, commless and armed with a single lightsaber and two shared brain cells, you travel towards the entrance to the Zeffo caves.

A flower bush catches your eye. Its leaves are a shocking shade of red, with gorgeous blue flowers that seem to call you over to them. Cal keeps walking even as you stop and reach for the bush. You pluck the flower in the fullest bloom and turn it over in your hand, admiring the veins of deeper azure spider webbing across the petals.

Cal says your name behind you, “We have to keep moving if we’re going to get back before dark.”

Turning to face your companion, you tuck the blossom behind his ear and step back to admire how the blue contrasts against his hair. The word slips out almost without you noticing. “Cute.”

It’s almost comical how quickly his face blooms red. “Guh--”

“It’s a good look.” You reassure him quickly. “Adorable. Pretty. Cute.”

“--Thanks!” He ducks past you to the bush. “I’m just going to grab a seedling for Greez. He’ll like this one.” Cal grabs one of the large pods and breaks it open, removing a seed and sticking it into the pouch on his harness. “Okay, ready.”

But you’re distracted by the red pollen that explodes in a cloud around his head, dusting him with a fine mist that leaves scarlet traces on his face and shoulders. “What’s that?” You step forward and run a finger across Cal’s poncho, collecting the dust and rubbing it between your fingertips. You hesitate, then raise your hand to your face to smell the substance. The sickly sweet scent and underlying current of spicy musk sticks in your lungs. The back of your throat tickles, and you sneeze.

An echoing sneeze draws your attention. Cal leans against the flowering bush, one arm clamped over his nose as he sneezes over and over again. He glances up at you, coughing with watery eyes, “Wha--”

A spike of dread pierces through you. ‘Stars, was it poison?’ He won’t stop coughing, a dry rattle as his body tries in vain to purge the intruding red dust. You fall to your knees beside him. Panic fills your mind, blotting out logic and reason and you place your hands on his body, intent on Force healing him even though you don’t know what is wrong with him. Then, just as suddenly as the coughing started, it stops and silence rings through the trees.

“Cal!”

You're shoving your hand underneath his poncho in an instant to feel for his heartbeat. You hold your breath. You can’t feel a pulse. You scramble to rip his poncho off completely, dragging it over his limp shoulders and head. You shove your fingers against his throat again. There!

His heartbeat flutters delicately, beating a rapid tattoo against your fingertips. You allow yourself to breath. He’s alive. But his pulse is fast, too fast. You rip open his tunic, though you’re not entirely certain what it is you’re searching for.

Just as your fingers brush over his skin, Cal bolts upright with a gasp. “Wh-- where...?”

You swear you almost pass out from the relief that slaps you across the face. “Stars, I thought you were dead. I’m so sorry about the flower bu-- mmm!”

Cal smashes his lips onto yours, pushing you onto your back with the sheer force of the kiss. His tongue dips into your mouth, searching and probing and damnit you can’t breathe when he’s this close to you, this desperate. His hips jerk against yours with an unpracticed, aborted motion, dragging a very prominent erection against your body that makes you jerk back in surprise.

You push him away from him for a second, propping yourself up on your elbows as you search his face for some indication of… you don’t know what. But this isn’t like him. “Cal, what--?”

“Need you.” He groans, his hands roaming over your body without fear or shame and inspiring a wave of pleasure as he squeezes your breasts. “Maker, you feel so good. Smell so good.” You bite back a moan. This really isn’t the time, not in the middle of an Imperial occupied forest. But to be completely honest, he feels really good too.

You’d imagined this before. Well, not these exact circumstances, but the idea of being under Cal. You’d imagined the feeling of his hands scraping over your skin and squeezing your body wherever he would like. You’d imagined his lips on yours, and other places for sure. But you’d really only ever been able to envision Cal as a gentle lover, all quiet moans and hesitant movements and unsure expressions. But this rougher side? You moan raggedly against Cal’s mouth as he shoves a thigh between your legs, rubbing up against your clothed sex. This is amazing.

Streaks of heat flash through your body, converging between your legs. Everything is amplified, the sounds around you, the grass beneath your knees, the blueness of the sky overhead. But it all seems to pale when your attention lands on Cal, who’s more flushed than earlier. You feel the heat beneath your skin too, but he’s got to have it worse right now, because you’re not the one sweating like you’re stranded on a desert planet. Maker, the pollen was some kind of--

His name escapes your lips in a tiny whisper that morphs into a moan halfway through. You allow your head to fall back, and it thunks against the spongy moss across the ground, knocking you back to the present. Cal’s lost in you, his nose buried in the crook of your neck as he ruts weakly against your thigh.

You shake off the haze clouding your mind, crisis mode kicking into full gear. You have no comms, one horny Jedi, and a completely hopeless sense of direction. “Cal. We have to move.”

He whines high in the back of his throat. “No.” It’s almost pleading, but there is an undercurrent of steel that makes you pause.

“Cal. We’re out in the open. Troopers co-- could--” Stars, you can feel the lust pumping under your skin, so close to the surface that it could burst out at any second. But fear hovers on the edge of your mind, pressing in and suppressing the need to jump Cal and reminding you of the certain torture and death that would occur if you were caught.

Cal doesn’t seem to have any of the same restraints as you. His fingers are carding through your hair, “Just wanna feel you. Maybe more.” His teeth latch into your neck, and the dull pain pierces through the haze more firmly.

He got dosed more heavily with the pollen. You resist the urge to curse as you gently detangle from Cal and sit up, biting back a sigh of relief as his teeth leave your skin. “We have to find shelter.” You begin to look around, but all you can see is the forest. You need something better, a place where you can figure out what exactly is wrong with Cal. You try to stand.

“Noooo…” This isn’t going to work. You actually do curse this time. How are you supposed to find effective shelter while dragging a full grown man around hostile territory without compromising stealth, all while your libido is cottoning to the edge of your mind, clouding your judgment?

“Come here…” Cal’s arm wraps around your neck, dragging you back down to the ground even as you try to stand. Okay that’s enough.

“You’ll forgive me later, Cal.” You press your thumb to his forehead and concentrate. His skin is dry and burning to your touch, and your brow scrunches. That’s going to be an issue. You reach to tap into the Force, but you pause. Your Force connection is… foggy. That’s the only way you can describe it in words, but it’s muted and dimmer than usual.

Your Jedi Master taught you a metaphor for using the Force: a barrier exists between you and access to the Force. It’s a wall, and your mind must become like a sharpened sword to pierce through and reach the Force. You can feel the barrier, just as always, but it’s like a second layer exists around it. If the normal barrier is made of thin glass, the new layer is crafted from paper; it’s strange, and thicker than usual, but still easily pierced with extra… force if you can say that without making yourself laugh at the pun. You summon the strength and press your mental sword forward through the barrier.

Rest. Cal’s eyes roll back in his head and he falls asleep with a gentle exhale. He relaxes against you, and you relax in turn when you see the pained lines smooth out of his forehead. Jedi healing includes your own personal anesthesia on demand. It will keep him under for a little bit, though you can’t tell what kind of effect the pollen will have on the Force sleep.

Through some feat of the stars themselves, you struggle to your feet. Cal’s arm is looped around your neck, and you want nothing more than to just sink down to the ground again and give into the weakness and lust pulling at your legs, coaxing you to collapse and take your pleasure. And stars, Cal’s heavier than you expected him to be.

But you shake yourself awake. Can’t get distracted. You glance at Cal’s drooping head. He’s been strong for you this entire time. The least you can do is be strong now and find some shelter. But where?

Voices filter through the trees, and your head jerks up towards the sources.

“Yeah, she told me to take the bucket off, or she would charge the full payment and…” Stormtroopers. Kriffing hell.

“Come on.” You hiss underneath your breath. You gather your legs underneath your body and push. Your muscles scream in pain, but they ultimately obey and you stumble to your feet and begin to move away from the approaching voices. Cal is dead weight over your shoulders, pulling and urging you to rest. It would be so easy to give in, to sink back to the ground and let Cal do what he wants.

The trees blur together as you move through the forest. The stormtroopers’ voices are getting louder and you grit your teeth. You don’t know their patrol route. How are you going to avoid them? All you can do is place one foot in front of the other. Then the mossy ground turns to stone underneath your feet, and you slow. Caves. Perfect.

You hurry inside, fatigued legs forgotten in your relief. There’s a bend directly beyond the mouth of the cave, and you gently lay Cal against the wall. You’re completely hidden from anyone looking from the entrance. You sit opposite him, your head falling forward to sag against your chest. Now what?

Your comm unit is busted, and Cal’s is sitting back on the Mantis, so you can’t contact the crew. You hold a hand to Cal’s forehead. His temperature is getting worse. You don’t know what infected him, so your Force healing is out of the question. The only bright spot is you’re pretty sure the stormtroopers won’t find you. They’re not exactly recruited for their brains, and you’ll be able to sense their muted Force signatures if they get close.

Speaking of…

You trail off, contemplating Cal’s unconscious face. His head sags against the rock wall and there’s a line of drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. His brow is finally relaxed, his breathing deep and even and it strikes you that this is the most peaceful you’ve ever seen him.

You reach out through the Force. It has become a habit for you, Merrin, and Cal to find peace in each others’ Force signature. Whether nightmares or difficult missions, the others would be there as a silent comfort.

Merrin’s is a mixture of whites and creams swirling against a dark maroon background. When she uses her Force magic, there is an unmistakable green tinge through it. Hers is powerful, with a sense of underlying safety in her strength. True to form, Merrin has been a protector figure in the Mantis.

But Cal’s is more diverse, a blend of warm colors against a grey background with blue tinging the edge. But while the colors are chaotic, Cal keeps a firm hold on his Force presence at all times, never allowing it to surge violently from emotion. He does not suppress it completely anymore, but you know he has the ability to make it nearly disappear from the senses of another Force user. You should know, because you can do the same. Merrin grew up without fear of having to hide her Force sensitivity, but you and Cal survived the Purge. You both have firm grasps of your thoughts and emotions projected through the Force. So in Cal, you found a kindred spirit that understands you better than almost any other person in the galaxy could. You’ve become more familiar with his presence than even your Master’s before the Purge.

But now, your brow furrows as you search for his Force presence over and over, pushing into every crevice of the surrounding environment without violating his privacy. You’re not mistaken. It’s gone, almost as if he has been turned into a droid before your eyes. Every living thing has a Force presence, no matter how minute. But Cal’s comforting whirl of light is gone, vanished as though he is no longer connected to the--

Cal’s eyes fly open and he sits forward with a quiet gasp. You jump. It’s worn off then. You secure his body with the Force, holding him loosely so as not to cause any lasting damage. You would have to tackle the Force connection problems later.

“I need you to focus.” He pushes against the bonds with a whimper, and you bite your lip as you struggle to hold him still.

“Cal!” Your Force bind tightens, and he stills with a grunt. “Talk to me. Fight through it.”

He shakes his head, eyes screwed shut. “Hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“Every-- ah! Everything. Can’t-- can’t th-think. Only thing-- makes it better… you.”

What? Your concentration lapses and the bonds loose. He lunges forward and buries his nose into your neck again, inhaling you as his hands scrabble at your clothes. “Hurts less with you. Smell so good--soft. Please?”

Stars, you can’t think straight with him touching you like this. You bite back a moan as his hands roughly squeeze your breasts through your shirt. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt to give in. Just for a little. Indulge, and then you can figure out a way back to the Mantis. Then Cal raises your shirt and licks a long stripe up your neck, and that’s all the convincing you need.

You melt into his mouth, your hands running under his shirt and harness. His chest is just as feverishly hot as his forehead, but you can’t bring yourself to care when he swings a leg over yours so he’s hovering over you, knees planted on either side of your body. His hands shove your shirt over your head before setting to work on the button of your pants. You raise your hips to allow him to pull your pants under your butt. Your own hands yank at his clothes, silently begging him to strip with you.

But he doesn’t. He kneels between your legs and pulls your underwear to the side, exposing your wet folds.

“Cal--!” You’re cut off as he drags his tongue over your pussy, flicking against your clit at the end. Your stomach muscles contract, and it’s all you can do to keep quiet as he licks deep into your core.

---

The world is blurred. It’s like something crawled into his head and messed with his brain, dragging his focus away from more important issues… he can’t seem to remember right now. He can’t even feel the Force. His connection is compromised, the colors of the world are off, and there’s this bone deep ache within his body urging him closer to you. And as he’s drinking in your taste, the pain subsides and he can breathe again.

What is this? What’s happening to him? It has to be the pollen, it has to be its effect on his body, that’s why he’s lost all control over his mind and self. It’s why he can’t hold himself back from your body and you.

You’re all he can focus on; you’re so beautiful writhing under him as he tastes you. He’s never done this before. He can’t figure out why he hasn’t done this sooner, because you taste amazing right now and how you sound as he slides his tongue through your folds is doing things to him that he’s never experienced before.

His hips are dragging against the floor unintentionally. The friction of his dick against the rough material of his pants is a small slice of heaven, and he whimpers at the pure electricity spreading down his spine. He doesn’t want this to end so soon, but his body is shoving him towards the edge of release and the relief he knows is going to come with it.

---

A moan keens high in the back of your throat as Cal’s mouth presses against your soaked core. It’s sloppy and clumsy, but Maker if he doesn’t make up for it with enthusiasm. The only sounds coming from him are tiny moans and grunts and you shudder as his fingers dig into the pillowy flesh of your thighs, leveraging them apart and holding them there firmly. Of their own will, your hips roll up into his face, chasing after his touch.

You’re completely unprepared for Cal to growl when you do so. His grip tightens, and you squeak as your thighs are spread even farther apart and his mouth completely envelopes your clit.

Is this what heaven feels like? You can barely manage coherent thought when his tongue is devastating you like this, but thequestion rotates around your lust dumb brain as your toes curl and your back arches. Your release rushes up and sweeps you away, your core clenching as waves of pleasure wash over your body. You hear Cal whine as you cum, and you hear your own moans as you ride out your orgasm.

---

Stars, why hadn’t he done this sooner? The sounds that he’s pulling out of you right now could make him come in his pants on the spot, and the taste of your release has him rutting against the ground all the more insistently as he chases his own high.

But he doesn’t want to come in his pants, he wants to be inside of you. He wants you, your body squeezing tight around him, to feel the wetness seeping around his tongue rather than tasting it, even if it tastes divine.

He grabs your hips and yanks you down so your crotch is flush to his. He nearly loses his mind when your soaked core meets the bulge in his pants. Fuck, he thought he could wait, but he can’t.

But--something is still off with the world’s coloring. Where is the Force? The comforting pressure is gone from the back of his mind, the constant reminder of balance that keeps him in tune with his emotions and surroundings. Panic edges around the perimeter of his mind. In an act of desperation, he reaches for the Force, searching for the whispers of memories that accompany his world. They’re gone. Where did they go?

You whisper his name again, and this time his eyes meet yours.

---

You watch Cal carefully. He’s flushed, trembling as he hovers over your body, hands bare centimeters away from your skin. His eyes are desperate, and you can feel the pain in them as clearly as if it was your own. A bead of sweat tracks down his temple to soak into the collar of his harness, and he fumbles to rip the rest of his clothing off, discarding it on the floor as though it burned against his flesh.

“Cal.” He looks back at you. “Take what you need.”

It’s all the permission he needs. Relief and something else flashes through his eyes before he looks back down and fumbles with his pants fastening. His cock is flushed dark red, and his hands tremble as he pulls it out of his pants, jaw clenched as he lines up with your entrance. He slides into you with a bone-deep sigh of relief, and you cry out at the stretch. Every inch sparks pure electricity up your spine, and your eyes roll back in your head. He bottoms out, and for a heart stopping moment you feel a connection to him you couldn’t describe in words. Your hips roll against his, grinding the head of his cock up against something heavenly. Light explodes behind your eyes at the movement, arching your back and curling your toes.

Cal chokes, a beautiful sound you’ve only heard a few times before; the one that sounds like its been pulled from the deepest parts of his being, like he’s just ascended to another plane above the physical. It’s gorgeous and so insanely hot you’re completely unprepared for his sudden movement when he lunges forward.

Cal’s hand shoots out and presses against your neck, effectively pinning your upper body to the hard ground. You inhale shakily through your nose, but his grip does nothing more than hold you. You can still breathe, but the pressure on your throat sends a shock of heat between your legs with the reminder of the control you just relinquished.

“Stop that.” His other arm slams onto the stone beside your head, and your eyes lock. Cal’s pupils are blown, so dark you can almost see your reflection in the dim light of the cave as he glares down at you.

He doesn’t give you time to respond before he drags his hips away from yours, inch by painstaking inch and rocks back into your body with an easy roll of his hips. He exhales gently as he bottoms back out inside of you, a low moan rumbling out of his throat when he reaches that same depth within your heat.

It’s the eye of a storm; a hurricane you hadn’t known you’d entered. He rocks back and forth again, only there’s fractionally more force and speed to the motion this time. Again, and your body shakes with the force. Another, and you have to bite your lip to stifle the scream when he slams back into your body. It’s like the tide, coming in gradually, but more and more with each passing moment. The force swells, each thrust pushing into you a little harder and making your body shake a little more with each thrust.

A shuddering groan rumbles out of him as he finds the rhythm. The hand not pressed delicately around your throat slams down on the rock next to your head. When you look up towards the cave ceiling, Cal’s flushed skin and tousled hair fills your vision.

His hair, which is usually swept out of his eyes. Cal’s hair has always been so well cared for, usually brushed and slicked back so it doesn’t dangle in his eyes. Now, it’s soaked with sweat and falling into his face as he stares down at you like you’re the only star in the sky.

---

Take what you need? Holy stars, he can barely think enough to comprehend it, but some inner part of him aches at the sentence.

As soon as he realized his heart jumped every time you smiled at something, or that his brain short circuited at the sound of your laugh, he’d sworn he would keep it under wraps. He’d promised himself he would wait until after the galaxy finishes imploding and collapsing around your heads. The first time he’d jerked off to the idea of your body, he vowed to satisfy himself with his hand until it was safe. He’d wait until after the holocron is safe and there’s nothing to worry about, because relationships are messy and complicated and--

Fuck, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about that promise, because how can he regret being balls deep in you while you’re whining and squirming underneath him, when you look at him with such trust even as he pins you to the floor by your throat? His eyes gravitate to the mark on your neck, red and irritated with the indent of his teeth, and he feels his cock twitch even as he continues to pound into you. He likes that.

The promise didn’t keep his eyes from wandering to your face at any opportunity. It didn’t prevent the pressure in his chest from growing over the weeks and months. It definitely didn’t keep Cere and Greez from noticing, and that was a conversation he would rather have scrubbed from his mind.

Take what you need. That one sentence is spinning his world on its metaphorical finger. Take what you need. As if he didn’t want it, but he needed to do it. In all honesty, it had really felt like he was going to die. The burning in his throat that caused the coughing fit, then the racing heart and the overheating; he thought he wasn’t going to make it unless he--

Well, unless he fucked you.

But even if he needs it, he wants it even more, had wanted it for too long. But everytime an opportunity presented itself, he pulled back. He remembers how he threw away the flowers he gathered on the mission instead of bringing them back to you on the Mantis. He remembers every time he denied spending time with you, because his emotions were too raw and close to the surface, and he couldn’t predict his control over his own tongue. Because he didn’t think he could have handled it if you didn’t want him back.

But you had offered to help. Maybe you’d wanted it too, because the whole galaxy could be shoving you in one direction and you would defy it. Nothing can make you do anything you didn’t want to, and that applies to Cal Kestis too.

---

Your orgasm swells up sharp and sudden, gripping you in its claws and shoving you into the attack of muscle spasms and searing pleasure that punches into your abdomen. Your body arches, accidentally hitting your head against the ground.

Cal’s rhythm stutters and his hips jerk forward. His hand leaves your throat as he drops to his forearms. His head drops down to press against yours gently, even as he whimpers and continues to grind forward into your soaking heat.

“Fuck.” Cal gasps, eyelids fluttering rapidly. “Fuck. ‘M gonna cum.”

There’s no time to respond before he’s drawing up and tensing against you. His hips piston in and out once, then he’s cumming and all you can do is lie there and take it. Fuck that’s hot.

You can feel him spilling into you, every warm spurt of cum and every twitch of his cock as he spends himself. Even better is the drawn out groan that trails into his upper register, ending in a tiny whimper. The tension drains out of his face and he sags down, sweaty skin pressed against yours. His arms wrap around your body and he hoists your limp body up as he rolls over. He sits against the wall of the cave, seating you on his lap, cock still firmly buried inside you.

You allow your head to sag back against his shoulder, relishing in the feeling of his body pressed so closely to yours. His hand paws weakly at the fabric of your shirt, and you raise your arms to slide it off. It’s better like this, skin to skin contact seems to calm him down. He buries his nose into your bare neck and mumbles something you can’t make out.

You nudge your head against his gently, “Hm?”

“Thank you.” His lips ghost over the delicate juncture between your neck and shoulder. “Thank you thank you thank you...” He continues to mutter the phrase into your skin, tickling your skin as he nuzzles closer to you.

You should say something. Confess, maybe, everything you’ve been hiding. “Cal, I--” You shift slightly, and something feels off. You furrow your brow and glance downwards at your joining point, “Cal are you still hard?”

He props his chin on your shoulder. “Uh--” He thrusts shallowly up into you, and you stifle a whimper. “Ye-yeah. Sorry?”

“N--” You gasp as his cock twitches. “No. Don’t be sorry. Do you need to go again?” Arousal stirs in your core again, burning a slow path through your nerves and reigniting the flames that had dulled to embers. Your breath catches in your chest and you grind your hips back into his.

“I--I think so.” His voice is strained and his breath comes in short gasps next to your ear. “Not-- not as-- as bad though.”

“That--ah!” Cal chooses that exact moment to pick a spot on your neck and latch on. He nips at the skin before soothing it with his tongue. His hands, roughened with callouses from his saber, climbing, and tinkering, scrape over your skin with just the right amount of friction. You bite your bottom lip. “That’s fine. Should I move?”

His hands find your hips and hold you firmly in place. That’s a no then. His hips rock up into yours gently, and you feel your cheeks warm at the wet sounds of your combined release. Cal grunts, “Let me.”

So you do. You lie back against his bare chest and just take what he gives you, whimpering whenever he brushes against that spot inside you that sends electricity up your spine. You’re gripping his arms so hard you’re sure he’s going to have bruises in the shape of your fingers.

---

Stars, you’re fucking perfect. Just lying here and giving yourself to him. He can feel the Force dimly, but it’s there. The pollen is leaving his system as he slowly fucks you on a cave floor in the middle of a dense forest while stormtroopers patrol outside.

You cry out with his next thrust, the head of his cock striking something inside of you that must feel good because you clench around him and--

Did you just come again?

The additional lubrication only increases the lewd squelch with every thrust, the mixture of his cum and yours only making sliding in and out of your channel easier. He can still feel the effects of the pollen at the back of his mind, and it keeps him hard and sensitive as he continues to fuck you.

He’s aware he should be at least a little worried about the implications, starting at the top with how he’s going to complete the mission and ending with what exactly fucking on a cave floor means for your relationship. Somewhere in the middle is the stormtroopers and the pollen, and the oath of the Jedi Order forbidding relationships. But he can’t grasp it.

Even if there are more pressing concerns, all he can do right now is continue pushing his hips up into your soaking core painstakingly slowly. He wants to enjoy this while he can, while he’s able to fool himself that you want him back. Unless…

---

The only solace you could find in the situation was that you could have Cal, even for these few short moments. Because as much as you may want to convince yourself, a tiny voice inside your head keeps whispering: it’s all the pollen. That’s the only reason why he wants you. And you force yourself to believe the voice, because it’s easier to block off any chance for pain and rejection.

But you know you’re in trouble the second Cal opens his mouth. The words are a harsh whisper, rasping out of his dry throat into your ear, “Beautiful. So gorgeous, giving me what I need, what I want.”

You arch against him and stifle the whimper rising in the back of your throat. His mouth is right next to your ear, so there isn’t anywhere for you to escape from the words that rumble into your brain; words you try to convince yourself are empty. You shove your hand against your mouth rather than allow any sound to escape.

He moans, “Want to do this again. Don’t want this to be just once.”

“Th--that--that’s the pollen talking.” You gasp when you feel his fingers graze over your clit, your own hand drifting back to latch into his hair.

Cal hisses when you tug with a little more strength than necessary, but he doesn’t tell you to stop. One hand supports your weight as he moves you up and down on his dick, the other rubbing little circles around your clit. His hips make up for the lost strength everytime they drive up into you at the lowest point of the rhythm, squelching with every thrust.

“Not--not the pollen. All you. All me.”

You blink, all temporarily forgotten when the words register in your hazy mind. “...What?”

“Wanted this. Wanted this for a while.” Cal finds your clit with his fingers, and you can’t prevent the way your legs jerk and your body seizes against his.

Fuck you’re going to cum. If the first orgasm was a flashfire, this one is a slowly simmering blaze. It creeps up slowly, burning a hole through your abdomen, curling around your ribs and inching down your legs. Your eyes roll back, and your head falls back against Cal’s shoulder.

“Cal. I--I thi--” You try to warn him, you really do. But words aren’t forming correctly right now, and it’s all you can do to hunker down and try to prepare yourself for this truly devastating crest that’s preparing to launch you over the edge.

If Cal gets your warning, he doesn’t show it. All he does is turn his head to the side, press a light kiss to your cheek, and groan, “I think I love you.”

Oh shit. Cal’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect if he planned it. Before you can respond, hell, before you can even begin to fucking process that last sentence, you’re coming hard. Maybe it’s the whiff of pollen you got earlier, or the fact that Cal is the one fucking you so sweetly and thoroughly, or the thrill of being mere steps away from discovery, or a combination of all of it, but this orgasm certainly feels like the most intense of your life.

Spasms ripple outward through your belly, curling you up in Cal’s lap as you ride out your high. Your legs straighten and your toes curl and you clamp down hard around Cal’s cock.

Cal shouts raggedly in your ear, pulling your body close. But even as you whimper and shake on the end of his cock, you remember that you can’t make too much sound.

As if he heard you, Cal burrows his face into your shoulder, his teeth once again finding a place in your skin to muffle his voice as he cums deep inside you once more. His body shakes as he spends himself again, the spasms slowly subsiding with every jerk of his hips into yours.

‘I did hear you.’ There’s a tinge of amusement to the nonexistent voice that echoes in your mind, and you relax back against Cal.

‘Feeling better?’ You nudge him back through the Force, revelling in the feeling of his colorful presence swirling around you once again. The pollen has worn off.

He doesn’t say anything in response, only pulls you close with his arms around you. His mind pushes at yours, and you let him in. You’ve done this a million times, usually on the tail end of nighttime panic attacks, but this time is different. This is the most loose he has ever been with his Force presence, and you allow it to fill the empty parts of your mind. Wait, he loves you?

He rushes over you in the same way the tide comes back to land, calming your fear at finally understanding the weight of his last confession. He’s relaxed, and the familiar energy has a new angle to it, a new emotion you hadn’t felt before in another’s Force signature. You grasp it gently, turning it over and admiring it in the eye of your mind. What is it?

The answer rushes to you just as Cal mutters against your skin, “Love.” The same thing you’d been feeling in the pit of your heart every time you looked at Cal, everytime he kept you safe from the nightmares in his arms and stayed with you until morning, every time you made him tea and did maintenance on his gear after a tough mission.

“I love you.”

You blink up at the ceiling of the rock cave, mouth open with the words just on the tip of your tongue. But they won’t come. The words are stuck in your throat, and try as you might, you can’t make yourself say them.

“Hey.” Cal whispers in your ear, and you shut your mouth. “You don’t have to say it back. But you know that I do, and I know a little of what’s going on up here.” His finger taps the side of your head lightly. "You don't have to figure out where to go from here. I'll navigate."

‘Thank you.’ You send the words through the Force, and he acknowledges them. Yeah, you're shit at knowing where to go when it comes to feelings. But at least with Cal, you won't have to worry about getting lost alone. You sit in peaceful silence for a few minutes, before a thought occurs to you.

“Cal.” His name is little more than a weak rasp off your tongue. You clear your throat and try again. “Cal.”

He grunts unintelligibly.

“Don’t bring that seed back to the Mantis.”

A/N: I will be the first to admit that this fic was hard, because I wanted to incorporate some previous feelings into this to make it less dubcon, and I didn't feel that all plot holes were filled. But that didn't make this any less enjoyable for me, and it was fun to explore a new facet of Cal's character.

Thanks for everyone who gave me inspiration and motivation to keep pushing this through the old brain up here. Smut isn't the easiest for me:)

Taglist: @alliterative-albatross

#cal kestis #cal kestis x reader #sex pollen #pining fools #pining #fluff #feelings #smut

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bestofbucky · 3 years

Text

Eavesdrop

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: none really, enemies to ?

A/N: This is my first time posting something I have written. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you so much @tuiccim for your help, couldn’t have done it without you.

Being an Avenger is tough. Of course, there are the obvious missions and kicking ass that are exhausting, especially because you don’t have any sort of enhancements or powers. You are just a regular human being, fighting with and against some not so regular human beings. Naturally when you have downtime, you spend it doing things with the least amount of effort. Watching Netflix, listening to music, taking baths, etc, meaning that your social life outside of the compound was, to put it simply, non-existent.

You had just returned from the worst date of your life, well, one of the top five worst dates of your life. Over the past couple of months Steve and Natasha had grown tired of you whining about being single but not making any effort to change it and began sending you on blind dates. Somehow, they managed five different times to find five completely awful people. This time they had set you up with Arthur, a recruit for SHIELD and a good one at that. You wouldn’t be surprised to see him on the elite squad soon, but when it came to your date, he was really blunt and inappropriate, and you had cringed your way through the entire thing.

Once you got back to the compound, you first went to your room to get changed into gym clothes for training with Nat, then headed to her room. On your way you passed one of the common rooms and heard two voices. One familiar but one you didn’t recognise, you decided to check it out and found Steve and another man.

Steve called your name inviting you over to them as they both stood up. ‘This is Bucky. He’s moving in today to begin training.’ Steve explains. You nod and smile at Bucky, remembering Steve told you about him and that he would be living here and eventually joining the team.

You have to stop yourself from gasping out loud at the sight of him. He is a 6 ft something hunk of muscle and beauty and you can’t stop yourself from trying to take him all in with your eyes.

Steve then introduces you to Bucky who looks in your eyes for all of two seconds to say, ‘hi’ before looking down at his feet. He is probably really nervous. Even from that two second glance, you could tell he had one hell of a past. They had you hooked already, you wanted to stare into those eyes and let them tell you the stories of the lifetime they had seen.

‘You were just in Wakanda right? How was it? I have only ever seen it in pictures but I really want to go.’ You let your excitement show, hoping to relax him a bit.

‘Yeah, it was nice. I was frozen for most of it though’ Shit, he curses himself. He didn’t mean to come across so rude but he was really nervous, you are really pretty and it is messing with his head a little. It doesn’t help that he has had to meet a lot of different people today and he is all socialised out. He sees your face fall slightly before you quickly compose yourself, any normal person would have missed it but he has his past of being a trained assassin.

‘Well, Nat is probably waiting for me, she told me she would show me some new moves today.’ You say realising that Bucky had probably been under a lot of stress lately and most likely just wanted to be alone, or with Steve rather than chatting to you, a stranger. At least you hoped this was the reason and it wasn’t that he already disliked you. Saying goodbye to the two of them you head off to Natasha’s room.

Not even bothering to knock, you walk into her room leaving the door open behind you, since you’ll be heading down to the gym soon anyway. Natasha is sitting on the end of the bed braiding her hair. ‘You almost ready?’ You ask.

‘Yeah, just got to finish my hair then put my shoes on.’ She tells you so you take a seat on her bed while you wait.

Meanwhile, Bucky told Steve that he wanted to go get his room sorted. Really it was just an excuse to be alone for a little while. On the way there he walked past a room with the door open and heard two voices talking, recognising them to be you and Natasha. He was just about to carry on walking to his room when he heard Natasha ask, ‘did you meet him yet?’

Bucky assumed she was talking about him and wanted to hear what you had to say. He hoped you would be understanding of his reticence after his taxing morning.

‘Yeah, I met him today.’ You sigh and roll your eyes.

‘That bad?’ Nat asks, raising her eyebrows with a slight smirk on her face.

‘Yes, I tried to be as friendly as I could but he seemed like a jerk.’ You huff.

‘How so?’

‘He was so blunt he just came across really rude. I had high expectations, especially after hearing Steve say so many nice things about him.’

‘Maybe he was just having a bad day?’ She attempts a defence.

‘Bad day or not, he should have the courtesy to smile and be polite even if it is fake.’

Bucky was so hurt to hear this. Yes, he wasn’t the nicest to you but your reaction seemed a bit dramatic. He didn’t want to hear you say any more so he rushed off to his room.

‘So, I guess you aren’t going to go on a second date with him then?’ Nat asks.

‘No, I really appreciate you and Steve trying to set me up but seeing as this is the 5th time and none of them were any good, I think I’ll go back to my old methods.’ You smile at her.

‘What, never putting yourself out there and waiting for the right person to just fall into your lap?’ Nat teases and you both laugh when you nod. She finishes tying her shoelaces and you head off to the gym.

The next day you were leading a meeting of recruits who have the potential to be moved up into the squad that worked with the Avengers. The elite squad. Unfortunately for you, Arthur was in the group of recruits and was probably the next one to be promoted. You finally dismissed everyone and started getting your stuff together to leave as well when Arthur came up to you.

‘What’s the word on who is moving up next, dove?’ You look up in shock, surely, he didn’t just call you dove.

‘Excuse me?’ You look him dead in the eye.

‘I said what’s the word on who is moving up next? I think you might need to get your hearing checked.’ He laughs at his own joke so you fake laugh with him.

‘That’s confidential., we’ll let everyone know when we have made the decision.’ You say and go to walk past him but he grabs your arm.

‘Does someone need a little convincing. If it’s you, then I can think of some ways.’ He whispers seductively in your ear. You pull your arm out of his grasp and frown at him.

‘I’m only joking, dove, come on, you can’t even take a joke?’ He laughs again.

You put on your best fake smile and your customer service voice. ‘There will be no convincing necessary. You are a good agent but you also have good competition. We will inform you all of our decision when it is made.’ You say and quickly turn and walk out the door before he can say anything else. When you get into the lift you ask FRIDAY where Steve is.

‘Common room A, Agent Y/L/N’. You make your way there as quick as possible. Heading around the corner, you slam into a solid object. You hiss at the contact on your fresh bruises, a frown appearing on your face. As soon as you look up to see what or who you bumped into, the frown quickly fades into a smile when you see its Bucky. He is already looking at you.

‘Sorry I should have been watching where I was going.’ He mumbles quickly.

‘No, it’s just as much my fault as yours. I shouldn’t have been in such a hurry.’ You apologise to him. As much as you would love to stay and chat with Bucky, you need to get to Steve to explain what just happened with Arthur and hopefully you can get him kicked off the team.

Bucky had left his room to try and find someone to help him figure out a few things with FRIDAY but as soon as he bumped into you that completely left his mind. You were all that filled his mind ever since he met you. He stood in the hallway for a while before realising he should ask you to help. Maybe this would be a good excuse to make up for his poor first impression. He heads in the direction you went but stops short when he hears your voice.

‘I think he bruised me. The dick.’ You say and Steve frowns at you ‘Come on, Steve. I’m allowed to be angry. He has been nothing but a jerk to me,’ you explain and shift to get more comfortable.

‘What did you say to him when he did this?’ Steve asks, holding your arm and examining the newly formed bruises in the shapes of fingers.

‘I put on my best fake smile and pretended like everything was ok,’ You joke and Steve laughs, ‘as much as I hate the guy, I don’t have the confidence to actually show it.’ You sigh and Steve pulls your sleeve back down and leans back into the sofa. ‘Is there any way we can kick him off the team?’ You exaggerate batting your eyelashes at him.

‘He isn’t even on the team yet and you already want to kick him off?’ Steve questions.

‘Yes! I really don’t like him. I know he is your friend but I trust him about as far as I can throw him’ You explain and Steve nods.

Bucky had heard enough. He can’t believe you could be so horrible. You had the sweetest exterior and, from first impressions, you didn’t look like you could hurt a fly. But as he heard you say, you clearly put on a fake act to come across as polite and kind when really you are rude deep down. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop on you. Twice now. But he is so glad he did, because now he knows not to waste his energy on you. He knows what you think of him and he has formed his opinion of you. He hurries back to his room.

‘He’s not my friend Y/N, I only said that to you to make you go on the date with an open mind. I’ve only ever had one conversation with the guy,’ Steve jokes and you playfully push his arm, ‘All jokes aside, his behaviour breaks a lot of conduct rules and is a good enough reason to have him knocked down a few squads.’ Steve replies and you sigh with relief. You hug Steve and thank him for his help, he’s taken slightly off guard but hugs you back before you go your separate ways.

A few weeks later, you walk into the kitchen to find the whole team eating their breakfast. Sam is cooking and when he sees you, he makes a plate and hands it to you.

‘Thank you Sam.’ You hug him and take the plate, turning around at the sound of Bucky’s scoff. You haven’t had a conversation with Bucky since you bumped into each other in the hallway. You had tried to but he either completely ignored you or just rolled his eyes and left the room.

At first it hurt, you wondered if you had done something wrong. The team seemed just as confused by it as you. Bucky didn’t have a problem with anyone else. That wasn’t to say he was extremely friendly with them, he wasn’t there yet and nobody blamed him but he could hold conversation with the others. He even laughed at their jokes. You were starting to get fed up with it so after breakfast you headed to Bucky’s room to talk to him. You knocked on the door and it wasn’t long until he answered it. As soon as he saw you his face fell visibly.

‘Can we talk?’ You asked hoping he would let you into his room. He paused to consider it then stepped out of his room, closing the door behind him. He stood there with his arms crossed and waited for you to talk.

‘Is there something I did wrong?’ You ask him and he keeps a blank face.

‘Why do you care?’ He asks still arms crossed over his body.

‘I care because you are always scoffing or rolling your eyes at me whenever I try to talk to you.’

‘I’m not scoffing or rolling my eyes now.’ He points out.

‘No but you’re not exactly being very friendly.’

‘Would you prefer for me to fake it then? Just put on a smile and pretend to like you?’ He jabs. You take a moment to process what he just said. You didn’t realise he could be so mean.

‘No Bucky I would prefer for you to maybe make an effort to get to know me before making a judgement.’ You scowl at him.

‘I have a perfectly fine judgement of you. I am not going to fall for your fake smiles and fake friendships.’ Bucky snarls and walks back into his room closing his door in your face. You are left to stand there in shock.

On the other side of the door Bucky is leaning there conflicted. The shock on your face looked so genuine. No, he has to remember it is all an act with you.

From that day on you decided you weren’t going to make an effort with him. It wasn’t the most mature decision but you were tired. What used to be eye rolls and scoffs, now turned into snarky comments and you were no longer afraid to throw them right back at him.

Steve had tried a few times to talk to you about it but, when he couldn’t tell you why Bucky hated you, he realised there was nothing he could do to change how either of you felt about the other. What he could do was change up your schedules so the two of you were rarely ever in the same room together.

Unfortunately, instead of the arguments happening quite calmly but consistently over the course of the whole day. They were now much shorter, confined to just mealtimes, and much more heated and intense. None of the team knew which was worse.

You were sparring in the gym with Natasha trying to work off some steam from this morning’s argument with Bucky.

‘Your moves are sloppy, get whatever is making you emotional out of your head.’ She grunts at you but this only forces you further into your head.

You go hard at her, but she blocks every move so you go to defence. She smirks at you, ‘Has a certain super soldier got into your head?’

That causes a surge of anger to hit you and again you go hard at Natasha, but your anger only allows her to catch you off balance and you are pinned to the mat in a matter of seconds.

‘So it is Barnes.’ She pulls you up and you brush yourself off before getting back into a fighting stance.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ You grunt at her and start your attack. Your moves are still predictable and anger clouds your mind. You feel yourself getting more and more worked up with every hit she blocks.

You retreat to take a breather, you hear the door open and you glance over, the man of the hour has just entered and you roll your eyes but continue to spar with Natasha.

Out the corner of your eye, you see him make his way over to you both, watching as you take a lot of hits from her and barely manage to land any of your own.

‘I have seen toddlers fight better than you Y/N.’ You hear him chuckle.

‘I don’t need your opinion.’ You grunt, still trying to keep your focus on Natasha.

‘Fight like that on the field and you’ll be dead in two seconds.’

‘Keep talking and you’ll wish you were dead.’

He laughs ‘Is that a threat?’ You ignore him and continue sparring. ‘Your punches are so weak, how did you become an Avenger again?’ He is still smiling knowing exactly which buttons to push.

You stop and make your way over to him. ‘I became an Avenger because of my talent and my strength, that I worked hard to earn.’ You are right up in his face, almost chest to chest. You are breathing hard, partly from the exercise but mostly because of how riled up you are. You notice he is breathing hard as well, his breath fanning across your face.

Your mind can’t help but drift, is this what he would look like in bed, his chest rising and falling faster than normal. Small beads of sweat gathered at his hairline from his recent run. You suddenly realise how close the two of you are and force the inappropriate thoughts from your mind. You hate how seeing him so riled up is actually a huge turn on. How could you let yourself be attracted to such an asshole?

‘You wouldn’t stand a chance against me.’ His voice drops so low that in a different circumstance you would have happily dropped your panties.

‘You’re right. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you and your metal arm that you were given. Or you and the super soldier serum that you were given.’ You know they are cheap shots but you just couldn’t help how absolutely fuming he makes you. He had managed to get under your skin and the thought of him being successful only made you angrier.

He leans down even more, your noses almost touching ‘I don’t know how everyone else can’t see through your little nice act. You pretend to be so kind on the outside but deep down you’re a bitch.’ Ouch. You deserved that one for what you said to him but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Especially because if you were hooked up to a lie detector and asked to say those things again, it would flash up as a blatant lie. However, looking into his eyes there was not an ounce of regret for what he said.

Bucky knew he shouldn’t have said what he did, but you had hit a nerve and it was the only thing he could think to say back. He saw the hurt flash across your eyes but it was too late to take it back now. The only thing he could do was exit the situation before it got any worse. He turned on his heels and left the room, leaving you standing there in complete shock at your exchange.

Natasha calls your name but you quickly leave for your room before anyone can see you like this.

The team was split all across the base. This wasn’t how you would usually handle missions but as soon as you arrived the mission started to go sideways.

‘Target headed towards the west elevator. Anyone nearby copy?’ You hear Steve’s voice through comms.

‘I'm on it.’ You say back, your comms crackling more than usual.

‘Copy that.’ Bucky said, his comms crackling from the two of you talking at the same time.

The rest of the team had heard both of your voices but neither of you had heard the other. So it was a big shock when you were waiting for the elevator and you heard his voice behind you.

‘You have got to be kidding me.’ He sighs and slowly walks up to you to wait for the elevator as well. ‘Did you not hear me say I got it?’ He snaps at you.

‘No because I was the one that said I’m on it.’ You snap back and thankfully the elevator dings it’s arrival. Normally in creepy Hydra bases you would avoid elevators but seeing as there was no stairwell nearby, this was the only option.

‘Age before beauty.’ You say to him, gesturing to the elevator.

‘Very funny’ he says sarcastically before stepping inside. You follow after him and press the only floor button available.

Silence permeates the small space as you prepare for what’s to happen once the doors open. Instead, the elevator jerks to a stop.

‘No.’ You panic and start pressing the floor button over and over. ‘No no no no no.’ Nothing is working.

‘Let me try.’ Bucky says pushing you out of the way, you so badly want to say something but the only thing you can focus on is the fact you might be trapped. Bucky taps the button and looks around for anything else to press but there is nothing. You can feel yourself start to get light headed as claustrophobia takes hold and the thought of falling to your death in this metal box takes over your thoughts. You shrink down onto the floor and hold your head in your hands.

‘Do you always have to be so dramatic?’ Bucky huffs. You don’t answer him, the only thing you can think about is the pain starting in your chest and your breathing getting heavier.

‘Stop breathing so fast. You are going to make yourself pass out.’ Bucky grunts but when you don’t reply or make any effort to slow your breathing he gets worried. He kneels down in front of you ‘Hey? Doll? Can you hear me?’ You can’t answer him, you just feel the impending doom and the immense pressure on your chest. ‘I’m going to move your hands.’ He announces then you feel him take your hands and pull them away from your face. You look at him, tears in your eyes, a look of pure fear across your face. ‘Breathe with me, doll. Can you do that?’ He asks and you manage to nod. He speeds his breathing up to your pace then gradually slows it, you follow him as best as you can and eventually you get your breathing back to normal, with the occasional hiccup or sharp intake.

Once he sees you are ok, he lets go of your hands and sits on the floor as far away as he can. You both continue to sit in silence.

‘Thank you.’ You eventually manage to whisper, he nods without meeting your eye.

You can’t help but feel disappointed, you just got to see a caring side of Bucky and it felt amazing to be on the receiving end of it, but now you are back to him not giving a shit about you. You go back and forth wondering whether it is the right time to bring up the issues between you two. If not now, when?

‘Why do you hate me so much?’ He looks across at you and sighs before he answers.

‘I don’t hate you.’

‘Yes you do. It seems like you go out of your way to make me miserable.’ You push, making him lean his head back on the wall behind him.

‘I don’t hate you. I just don’t like how you formed opinions about me so early on. You wanted me off the team before I even got cleared to be on the team.’ Bucky explains. You stare at him in confusion.

‘How do you know what opinions I formed of you? I may have wanted you off the team but it was only because you were mean and that was after you were cleared.’ You could feel yourself starting to get angry.

‘Then how come I overheard you talking about the first time we met to Nat, you said I was blunt and rude. Then after I accidentally bumped into you, you told Steve you wanted me off the team.’ Bucky says agitatedly.

‘I never-‘ you think back to any conversations you had with Nat and Steve about Bucky. The only ones that came to mind were asking them if they knew why Bucky didn’t like you. Then it hits you, he had overheard you talking to Steve and Nat about Arthur. You sighed.

‘Let me guess, you overheard me and Nat talking not long after we first met. We were in Nat’s room getting ready to go train?’ You ask and he nods.

‘Then the conversation you overheard with Steve was straight after we bumped into each other. We were in the common room?’ Bucky looks confused but nods again.

‘You are such a prick. You eavesdrop but don’t even listen long enough to hear who we were talking about.’ You can’t help but chuckle at the situation, even though it’s not particularly funny.

‘What?’ Bucky looks more confused than ever.

‘Well, if you had listened properly to the whole conversation you would know I was talking about that asshat agent, Arthur.’ That came out more blunt than you intended.

‘The recruit that got bumped down a few squads even though he is really good?’

‘Yep. That’s the one’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Before you came Steve and Nat had been setting me up on blind dates with people. Arthur was the fifth one, I really didn’t want to go so Steve convinced me by saying they were friends and all this nice stuff about him.’ You pause to take a deep breath. ‘The day we met, I had just come from the date with him and it was awful. That's what me and Nat were talking about. Then when we bumped into each other in the hallway, I had just come from a meeting with the recruits. Arthur had been inappropriate and he hurt my arm, I was rushing to Steve to tell him and ask if he can be kicked off the team.’ You finally manage to say and Bucky just looks at you. You can see the cogs turning in his head as he is finally getting context to the snippets of conversation he overheard.

‘Shit. I am so sorry. I am such an idiot.’ He scolds himself and you can’t help but feel bad for him.

‘I am not going to disagree with you, but we have both said and done some pretty nasty stuff. I am sorry for any hurt I caused you.’ You say sincerely and he looks over to you and smiles.

‘So you didn’t think I was rude when we first met?’ He still holds your eye contact and you take a moment to look at him. You have never seen him look so vulnerable before, he almost looked scared.

‘No, Bucky, I thought you were probably nervous or tired from meeting loads of new people.’ You explain and his shoulders fall.

‘I feel like such a jerk.’ He sighs and you scoot yourself closer to him so he has to look at you.

‘I’m not all that innocent in this either. It was a misunderstanding. I am just glad we have cleared it up now.’ You say meaning it and he smiles earnestly back at you. It is something you have never experienced first-hand. You have seen him give those gorgeous, slightly lopsided, smiles to other people but seeing one directed at you causes a rush of heat to your cheeks and you find yourself blushing.

Bucky must have been thinking along the same lines ‘You’re cute when you blush. I have never seen this side of you before.’ He brushes some hair out of your face and behind your ear. ‘You know, part of the reason I was so nervous when I first met you was because I was taken off guard by how beautiful you are.’ His cheeks flush slightly at his confession.

Before you can say anything the elevator jerks again and starts moving, you and Bucky are quick on your feet, preparing yourself for the doors to open.

When they finally do you are met with a group of Hydra agents ready to attack. You and Bucky work in tandem, playing off each other’s strengths. When the Hydra agents realize this, they work to separate you. The majority of them are on Bucky but you are fighting four at once. You are onto the last one when he raises his gun to shoot but you force his arm down. Not quick enough, it fires and clips your calf causing you to cry out from the pain

It is not as bad as actually being shot in the leg but it still hurts like hell and you can’t put pressure on it. The room is pretty silent apart from footsteps you recognise to be Bucky approaching. You move quickly and uppercut the guy in the nose. The crack echoes throughout the room as the guy falls to the floor at your feet.

You turn to Bucky, his mouth agape and eyebrows raised in shock. ‘That was hot.’ He announces finally, making you laugh, you go to take a step towards him but realise too late that your injured leg won’t hold your weight. You would have fallen to the floor if Bucky hadn’t rushed to catch you.

‘Thanks.’ You chuckle, your faces are extremely close. Your eyes completely entranced in his. Your whole body warms at the safe feeling of being in his arms. You start to wonder what it would be like to fall asleep in these arms, to wake up the next morning still wrapped up in them. Protected.

You force yourself back to reality by clearing your throat. ‘We should probably get back to the team.’ You say and he nods. He puts his arm around your waist and you put yours over his shoulders to use him as a crutch.

The ride back up in the elevator goes smoothly this time and before you know it you are hobbling up to the quinjet where the rest of the team awaits. Natasha and Steve are both looking back and forth from you to Bucky in confusion.

‘What the hell happened?’ Steve asks not trying to hide how baffled he is that you and Bucky are holding onto each other and not arguing. Natasha simply smirks. Bucky helps you into a seat then sits opposite you with a wink as you smile at him.

‘No, this is too weird. Please argue, bicker, roll your eyes. Anything.’ Sam begs Bucky who doesn’t break his eye contact with you. Bucky simply laughs knowing his behaviour is unsettling Sam and enjoying the newfound comradery with you.

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