#MessyThoughts

[naomimoorewrites]

For Your Amusement

Sour like thrown-up wine, acid on my tongue. It’s the taste that lingers, the kind that leaves a sourness stuck to your teeth. I don’t know why I’m still here, but here I am. Doing the best I can with what God gave me, which isn’t much. Not enough, certainly. But that's all I’ve got.

God takes what it wants. It doesn’t ask. It doesn’t even apologize. I’m not one for religion, but I think I get it now. My body’s not a temple, it’s more like an amusement park - littered with cotton candy and spilled popcorn, noisy, attracting people who are more interested in the cheap thrills than anything that might actually matter. I’ve got roller coasters of anxiety and a ferris wheel of regret, but no one’s coming to my rundown show. And the rides? They keep spinning anyway. No one’s stopping them.

No one’s stopping me. In the dead of night when there is no one around to see me consume consume consume There’s a light in the fridge, so what am I supposed to do? If we’re not supposed to have them, then why is the universe always handing me a little sweet treat, a little moment of distraction? And don’t even get me started on the microwave. You can heat up leftovers, no problem, but you can’t heat up your life. You can’t go back to that thing you screwed up three years ago and fix it. You can’t pop your mistakes into the microwave and hit “reheat.” That’d be nice, though. But if you’ve learned anything from living as long as I have, you’d know that the only thing reheated in this life is disappointment.

I’ve spent enough time staring at my reflection to know that I’m not special. If you had lived my life—if you could somehow do the thing where you get into my head and really feel it, front to back—you wouldn’t dare call me privileged. Or maybe you would, but you’d be wrong. Because the last time I checked, privilege doesn’t come with this kind of exhaustion, with this weight on your chest, with this sneaky voice in your head telling you that you’re nothing, that nothing you do matters. And that’s what I have. A voice. That’s all. The rest is just noise.

So, yeah, maybe I’m privileged. I get to wake up in a bed that’s mine and go to a fridge that’s stocked with food I can eat at 3 AM when the world’s asleep and I’m wide awake with nothing to do except stew in my own thoughts. Privilege doesn’t come with happiness. It comes with expectations. The constant sense that you should be better, do more, try harder. Maybe I’m tired of trying. Maybe I’ve been tired for years.

But I can’t stop, can I? Not now. It’s like being on one of those roller coasters that never ends. I’m strapped in, and the ride just keeps going.

I open my eyes to the same thing every day: the light in the fridge, the dark outside, the same dirty dishes that’ll still be there when I get back. It’s all so fucking predictable.

But if I’ve learned anything from living as long as I have, it’s this: you can hate it, but you can’t stop it. Not really. You can ignore it, numb yourself with whatever’s available - sleep, food, wine, Netflix - consume consume consume. But at the end of the day, it’s just you. And I’m not even sure who that is anymore.

So here I am. Still alive. Still here.

Doing the best I can with what God gave me.

[deathssubbymoondust]

Caught Between Moments and Madness

Done with uni, and it’s finally sinking in. there’s this strange sensation, like a door closing behind me and another one barely cracked open in front. i’m happy, sure, but there’s this emptiness too—a hollow space that used to be filled with the certainty of what comes next. now it’s just this vast, open question, and i feel like i’m already lagging behind, like life’s this marathon and everyone else is a mile ahead. how do you just exist in the moment when the future feels like it’s rushing at you, full speed, and you’re not even sure you’ve got your shoes on the right feet?

i saw my partner again, finally, and there’s something so grounding in our connection. i love the duality of us—the way we can slip between the sheets..., but also just be together, two souls tangled up in something deeper. it’s like we’ve built this world where i can be my messy, chaotic self, and he still looks at me like i’m something worth holding onto. i love him so fiercely, it almost scares me. but sometimes my feelings get all tangled up in knots, and i don’t know what to do with them. i shut down, like a machine overheating, and my mind whispers maybe it’s easier to break it all apart. it’s not him, not really, just this weird, temporary numbness that washes over me when i’m overwhelmed.

and work. god, the whole thing with the sexual harassment... it’s like, do men even hear themselves? he apologized, sure, but then he had the audacity to deny it all happened, to put the blame on me for not saying ‘stop.’ as if it’s not basic decency to know you shouldn’t touch someone without their consent. fuck that. fuck you, seriously.

right now, i’m just here, my thoughts a whirlwind of contradictions. i feel like i’m standing on a tightrope, balancing between happy and sad, good and bad, and it’s exhausting. adulthood is this weird, endless maze, and sometimes it feels like there’s no exit.

i keep telling myself i need to learn how to savor the moment, to find joy in the here and now, but my mind is always spinning with a hundred different ‘what ifs.’ i need to find new things that light me up, need a routine to steady me, need to get better, healthier. but it’s all so overwhelming, this constant pressure to do more, be more. sometimes i just want to scream into the void because it’s like i want everything and nothing, all at once.

so maybe, for now, i’ll just try to be. to sit with myself and all this messy, complicated stuff that makes up who i am.

it’s my life, after all. just mine. and maybe that’s the most terrifying and liberating thing of all.

[destinyc1020]

...Yall think Austin got cake/cookies with just his name on it or had it joint with Kaias lik they did last yr?

#messythoughts

Omg at first when I saw the word "cake" my mind went somewhere else rofl 🤣 My initial thought was: "Where is this question going?" 👀 🤭

But yea anyway, no I doubt it lol. 😅 That cake thing last year honestly just seemed like a way for that place to boost their visibility or something. It was weird lol 🥴

Anon, you're messy lol 😅

[marvelfilth]

i don’t have a lot of names to suggest but i have some random thing in my head

1-novacane , it’s drug for pain and a song name

2-little death ,based on one of your fic

messythoughts

sharplustt, goldencoin

that’s what i have for the moment

anyway how are you today ?

-🧞‍♀️

All of them sound cool, esp little death

I'm good so far, running around the city for errands like a crazy person

How are you, dear 🧞‍♀️?

[katenori]

My table is a mess like how my mind is always in chaos. I have grown accustomed to having my thoughts scattered everywhere, I guess that eventually reflects on one's actions because that clearly explains why my working space is so disorganized.

I miss being passionate. Being able to feel Art. That burning desire to create and express. I feel like something in me has died, buried somewhere deep within the insecurities, guilt, hatred, and agony that has piled up inside me.

I want to connect, find my peers, people I can relate with, people that can inspire me to be bold again, to feel myself again.

[corallyreef]

rambling

I am unsure if I am disappointed in myself or if I am disappointed in others. I can’t set expectations to others, that is unfair. They are living their own lives, emotions, struggles, etc. So it may be my fault, my own disappointment, that I set expectations for people for myself. Do I bring my own sadness? Do I bring my own downfall? By causing my own disappointment? By associating that disappointment with people? To distance myself from people? As a way to distance myself from...myself? 

Have I really grown? All this self-care, self-aware bullshit. Am I any different? Surely, I may have made SOME progress. Clearly, though, it is not enough. 

Seems as though I need to start focusing on myself. Like how I used to do before this self-care bs. Creating my own happiness. Just like I used to. 

I used to lay in bed every night, let my mind wonder, let my imagination explore, beautiful scenarios and possibilities. I lived vicariously through my bedtime imaginations. Traveling the world, exploring breathtaking places, learning new cultures, indulging in delicious cuisine, meeting beautiful people, sharing my experience with a best friend and love. 

I learned it all, from reading countless books.

I lived it all. I’ve seen it all. Imaginary fights, imaginary struggles, imaginary illness, imaginary peace, imaginary fortune, imaginary sights, imaginary love, imaginary dreams coming true. 

I miss myself. My old self. I think I will go back to my imaginary world. I was in control. It was better.

[doyougetmeworld]

Verstehst du mich? (messy thoughts)

Mir geht es gut. Ich bin gesund. Ich habe Freunde. Ich habe Familie. Ich habe alles. Oder? Wieso will ich dann einfach nur wegrennen? Wieso ist da immer das Gefühl nicht zu wissen wer ich bin? Wenn ich meine Freunde doch so liebe, wieso will ich dann so dringend weg von hier? Wieso suche ich so krampfhaft nach Antworten? Was verspreche ich mir von einem Neuanfang? Ich bin ehrlich, ich weiß es nicht. Ich versuche zu lernen mich zu verstehen, zu lernen was mir gut tut. Was will ich eigentlich von meinem Leben? Will ich wirklich das was jeder will? Oder wurde mir nur beigebracht es zu wollen? So viele Fragen. Mein Kopf versucht alles zu ordnen. Aber wo soll ich anfangen? Wieso will ich unbedingt das sich alles ändert aber traue mich nicht meine Komfort Zone zu verlassen? Wieso stehe ich mir selbst im weg? Was habe ich zu verlieren? Ist das nicht eigentlich unser einziges Leben? Sollten wir nicht jede Chance nutzen? Ich verstehe nicht ob ich anders bin oder ob sich jeder so fühlt. Kennst du das auch? Verstehst du mich? Gibts ein Wort das mein Gefühl beschreibt? Wie geht man um mit der Welt? Wie kommt man klar mit dem was passiert? Wie bleibt man oben wenn einen doch alles runter zieht? Wieso wird uns gesagt wen wir lieben sollen? Wie sowas in Gesetzen stehen? Wie hält man es hier aus? Wie schafft man es zu Leben und wie geht Leben überhaupt richtig? Gibt es überhaupt ein richtig? Wie steht man nach jedem Schmerz wieder auf? Wieso tut lieben weh? Wieso lieben wir wenn es jedes mal so weh tut? Wieso hoffen wir nach jedem Verlust erneut? Was wenn wir unser Leben lang suchen ohne zu finden? Müssen wir überhaupt suchen? Können wir nicht einfach leben? Finde ich irgendwann Antworten zum Leben? Kann mir jemals jemand das Leben erklären? Bin ich alleine oder verstehst du mich?

[craftingnotes-blog]

Over your fears

Sometimes we miss out in so many opportunities and  experiences in life because our fears manage our behaviors and decisions. If only we didn’t have those fears. Sounds easy, anyone would logically agree that there is no purpose for us to fall into our fears. However, today I want to practice something different. Instead of seeing our fears as the limitation and our enemy to live our best lives. I want to thank our fears. Why? If I wasn’t constructed by fears, I wouldn’t have as many opportunities to experience not only what you wanted, but the feeling of going beyond a fear and overcoming it... In all sincerity, my fears have helped me to make myself more determined. It allows me to have something in mind to go for, to consciously work on and not live life carelessly without new targets. Experiencing new things is great, but if it come with the immense feeling of achievement, the present moment stays with you for much longer, it means much more, therefore I appreciate it more. Thank you fears for coming at some point, and letting me have that target to be determined towards. 

Don’t hate your fear, work with it. 

Inspiration: Personal experience to drive. Drive in a unkown place, to unkown location, different car, country and alone. Got lost for an hour, but slowly and steady made it through. Where did I go? simply just grabbing a coffee, and have a quiet moment by myself.  ♡ 

Hope this messy thought sparks a thought.  ♡

[herheartquotes-blog]

Even words cannot understand 🥀// @herheartquotes •Feel free to Tag,Comment and Share ❤️. •For more quotes follow @herheartquotes . #avoicefromfaraway #artistsoninstagram #love #lovequotes #words #wordswagapp #quotesaboutlife #quotes #quoteslover #quotesdaily #alonequotes #thinkingofyou #messythoughts #wordsofwisdom #herheartpoetry #herheartquotes https://www.instagram.com/herheartquotes/p/Bw5gquzBgdF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=u8o323vfak7b

[rabideyeartist]

Sometimes splotches are kinda inspiring - albeit messy inspiration #messythoughts (at Qathet Regional District) https://www.instagram.com/p/CalM_kVPvlg/?utm_medium=tumblr

[film-brut]

On the very good days, I write everything I want or need to do on a list and go through things one by one. On the average ones, I might write some to-do’s, get a few done. Then there are the days where I even forget I have a notebook. 1. My brain, last week. 2. Self reclusion in Leipzig with notebooks and zines from Jes, summer 2016. . . . #analoguemagazine #35mm #35mmfilm #zines #leipzig #analoguevibes #analoguephotography #notebook #notebooktherapy #todolist #messythoughts #scribble #scribbleart #handwriting #lists #despiste https://www.instagram.com/p/CNXlJTVnBrn/?igshid=17e2to8ty4am2

[smouldymouldy]

travels

[messyinterruptedthoughts-blog]

poem from my book “shadows into light”

- hiding from your heart 

[jirehluces]

As you can see, I draw a symbol related to the barriers of communication. A symbol that represents messy thoughts. It is a barrier of communication because you need to clarify or clear your thoughts first before communicating. Arrange your thoughts before communicating. Don't communicate with a messy mind or it will be hard to communicate.

[afflatuse]

L e t M e O u t ! Who feels trapped in this tiny portion of the world that you live in? You feel powerful to think that you contribute whatever the change is coming yet so worthless at the same time because your part is so frigin little. #messythoughts #shadows

[akoumi]

please add me (@messythoughtsandscribbledplots) to the taglist for mwad please please please these (beautiful) excerpts are making me feel f e e l i n g s ~

of course, you’ve been added! and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 

if you’d like to know more, the tag is wip: mwad!