#Mike only wants to feel loved and admired it's why he has an obsession over superhero imagery

[longtallglasses]

okay now more byler headcanons slightly older - the miwi ones

mike is a huuuuge physics nerd. he studies it on his own before taking it in hs, going to the library to get books on it and textbooks to figure out equations. when he learns a new concept he excitedly tells the party, who all share in his joy to varying degrees. in hs him and dustin compete to be the star student of the class both becoming quite the teacher’s pet. will loves hearing mike explain different phenomena with all the big terms. he doesn’t really struggle that much with it in class but he pretends to be stuck more often than not just to watch mike explain a concept with enthusiasm. will asks “can you explain this?” and mike’s eyes light up so excited to get into it. and will also loves that when he does finally “get it” mike praises the shit out of him.

every time will’s over and changes in front of him mike immediately averts his eyes, and he doesn’t understand at first what makes him so uncomfortable bc he doesn’t react that way w anyone else

when will’s starting to realize his feelings for mike are becoming very serious he tries to train his brain to think of something else whenever mike pops into his head. although most of his distraction topics tend to remind him of mike anyway.

they both could notice something shift between them when hs started but they pretended like everything was normal.

when mike visited in lenora will noticed how mike’s smile seemed forced and he thought it was bc maybe mike wasn’t that excited to see him - that maybe mike really was “out growing” him

when the party get drunk together for the first time mike and will gravitate towards each other like magnets. becoming very hushed and giggly together, and the whole party thinks “okay figures”

the small sober part of both their brains is quietly thinking “wait why can’t it be like this all the time?”

mike finds himself grabbing will’s arm with everything he says, subconsciously trying to pull him closer, thinking crazy stuff like “i wanna be all over him” not even knowing in what way or why really, “whoa being drunk is weird, it makes me even more obsessed with my best friend…”

meanwhile will is like why is mike so touchy now, i don’t hate it, i really like it but what’s going on? why is he looking at me like that? am i crazy or is something happening right now?

they probably end the night drunkenly telling each other how much they love each other, how they’re each others best friend, like Best Friend™ thinking that will help the gnawing feeling in their gut subside when they look at each other

they used to hug much more when they were younger, in greetings and goodbyes, but they noticed that most boys didn’t do that as they got older, even lucas and dustin didn’t, so then it became a secret thing, only when they were completely alone. but after a particularly brutal dressing down from lonnie and harsh words from bullies it seemed to stop completely. only when it was truly warranted, if they had some real justification for it. like getting hurt, skinning a knee, crying, then it was okay.

when they get drunk that first time they hug each other very intensely, mike says “i wish we could do this all the time” will says they can if they want, and then starts them trying to let themselves be more familiar w each other again

when they first get together mike is overwhelmed at random moments looking over at will that all of it is real, will loves him and he loves will too, attacking will with kisses all over his face bc “oh my god oh my god i like you so much what the fuck!” will has to beg him to stop but of course he loves it and feels similar feelings take over him too

sitting and admiring mike while he’s doing whatever, maybe he’s talking or just walking around, temporarily forgetting where he is and mike looks over at him smiling and will is just a puddle of emotion that he gets to be with mike.

also during their early relationship will has to constantly remind himself that he doesn’t have to hide what he feels for mike. he doesn’t have to look away or hold his tongue. mike calls him out on it thinking maybe something is upsetting him but will is just worried that he’ll be too much. he’ll say too much or seem too clingy and it will scare mike off with just how much will likes him. (part of him knows it’s silly when mike’s confessed so much to him at this point but it’s still scary!) once he’s reassured he can express whatever he wants will slowly discovers a whole side of himself that was lying dormant. feeling more open with his feelings than he ever has <3

[wisehearts]

what do you think will finds physically attractive in Mike? what does he lust over?

Ooh yay I feel like this is more rarely talked about! I was going to separate physical attraction and lust into two but they sort of mixed - hopefully it makes sense :)

mike's jaw:

will studies art. will deems mike looks like art. more specifically the sculptures he learns about in art history. strong jaw, cheekbones, an entirely attractive masculine representation will is in awe that he can find right there in real life, in his best friend. He wants to kiss the edge of it, trace his tongue along it. trail up to the full lips above it.

mike's hands:

They're something artists want to be good at drawing, they're something to be admired - and mike has excellent ones. will's felt mike's hand on his shoulder, covering his own hand... he begins to date mike and feels them around his snug waist, on his bare skin, he becomes obsessed with how hot his hands feel even through the material of his clothes. He wants mike's hands on him, inside him, around him, all the time.

what he finds attractive about them are their size (he loves comparing hand sizes), the prominent veins that run along the tendons and up his growing forearms, and how their soft gentle look is deceiving of how strong they can actually be.

mike's hair:

before they get together, will sees the trail of hair leading from mike's navel and into his pants and he's done for, down bad more than he thought possible. once they're dating... he never thought a snail trail and pubes were something you could lust over but oh he's obsessed. He loves when mike stretches his arms and the hair of his armpits pokes out the sleeves of his shirt - or just when mike's shirtless in general and he sees it.

mike starts growing facial hair and will shivers feeling the scratch against his neck, and is shoving mike's face between his legs to feel it there too. I just see will getting worked up over not only these reminders that he's indeed dating a man, but the most gorgeous one.

mike's height:

Their height difference has been there all their lives, of course will loves it. he always found comfort in being embraced by mike, and now he feels a type of way being crowded when mike emphasizes his height and leans over him, or against a surface. Getting his chin tilted up for a kiss, getting lifted up for a kiss. as the years go by and mike holds himself high instead of slouching, his confident demeanour is so attractive to will. In general he lusts over everything about mike being big and long

(so I think it was pretty easy to say will would lust over mike's dick so that's why I didn't go with it heh, we already know how eager he is for that)

[richie-shitlips]

Why I think Thomas Thorne has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder): A character study

so I've been researching NPD because I think I have it, and I realised that A LOT of the symptoms also fit Thomas (who I named myself after!) So I'm going symptom by symptom and doing my best to analyse his actions. Some of this is coherent, some of it is just rambling- but I hope this makes sense! (thank you @loganschwarzy and @isopodonanescalator for reading this over text and agreeing with me)

• Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.

...look at him. he goes as far to say that famous poet lord byron plagiarised HIS work. he sulks when he's not given attention. he gets upset when alison's (unfinished) painting doesn't do him justice. in his own retelling of his death, he reports the announcer calling him britain's greatest living poet.

• Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.

i don't have particular evidence for this one off the top of my head but like there are definitely instances of it in the show. like on christmas when he's obsessed with getting alison to kiss him (which is impossible) or the whole thing with the plague ghosts in S4E1 (i think that's what episode it was)... i guess i did have evidence.

• Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.

LITERALLY WHAT HE DOES

• Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.

once again, just look at him. he writes one (1) poem and thinks it's the greatest thing in the world

• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.

watch The Thomas Thorne Affair, his spin on the story is WILDLY different from everyone else's, making himself seem successful and well-loved despite actually being the opposite- and he seems to actually believe it! and he thinks that alison is secretly in love with him for a good portion of the show

• Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.

i think if he does have an EP (equal person), it's probably pat, as he's the only one who thomas actually genuinely treats like a person and not just a means to get love or attention. i also like to think around season 5 he starts to see kitty as an equal as well, but i've gotta rewatch it to see if that's got basis or if im just a shipper

• Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.

i don't remember any specific instances, but he's constantly criticising the other ghosts and other poets (in the book he annotates lord byrons poetry and makes fun of him)

• Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.

this is less so i think but like it's definitely still there you can see it if you pay attention

• Take advantage of others to get what they want.

he plagiarises. a lot.

and also the whole "Balderdash, I could thrash you all at twist-it then run a mile!" seems like he was planning to use the others losing to impress alison

• Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.

while alison never explicitly tells him to fuck off, her annoyance is obvious (although she also LOVES the attention and gets distraught when he ignores her) and he never seems to notice

i think something that could also count is when mary moves on he only thinks about himself and worries that he'll move on before making an impact on the world (DESPITE ALREADY BEING DEAD)

• Be envious of others and believe others envy them.

he is soooooo jealous of mike and toby despite never having a chance with alison in the first place. and he definitely thinks the other ghosts are (or should be) jealous of him- just look at how he talks to them

• Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.

he talks himself up SO MUCH

• Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.

the whole thing with the painting again- alison paints him, and he sees it before it's done (snuck a peek even though he was told not to) and he thinks the unfinished painting looks ugly and freaks out over how to tell alison he doesn't like it and wishes it was better (and then changes his mind as soon as he sees the finished version!)

• Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special recognition or treatment.

the whole thing with Life of Byron, where he gets upset when he's told to be quiet because the cameras are on (and upset that he can't be alison's free pass despite not knowing her when her and mike got married)

• Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.

there are definitely instances of him thinking others are playing him, mainly alison. but also he was actually manipulated and played (which led to his death) by his cousin who he obviously trusted with his life, which could contribute to that distrust as well

• React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.

when cap tells him he's not as big a deal as he's acting in S4E1, he kinda blows up on him

once again, when told he's just scared he'll lose twister, he blows up and claims he can win easily then run a mile

• Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.

goes from calmly explaining why he's upset to "I'm going to drown myself in the lake!" and storming off in like 0.2 seconds

• Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.

also the whole thing with mary, i think. and we kinda see when the builders are there, he gets writers block and can't focus on his "work", which i can see as having trouble adapting to change

• Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.

he doesn't tend to do this as much, instead favouring to boast that he'll succeed and then sulk when he fails

• Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.

ONCE AGAIN HE THREATENS TO DROWN HIMSELF IN THE LAKE CAUSE HES REMINDED OF A MAN WHOS BEEN DEAD FOR LIKE 200 YEARS THAT WAS BETTER THAN HIM AT POETRY

• Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure.

this definitely happens, i can't think of a ton of evidence though

but he's constantly put down by the other ghosts and i dont think thats fair. the times we actually see him cool off and act like he's not above the other people are when they're not putting him down- and as soon as he's praised in that scene, he starts trying to play up the success by trying to write more (and shittier) poetry to get more praise (talking about when him and alison are watching the sunrise, i don't remember the episode)

in conclusion, thomas thorne is a narcissist in canon, it just hasn't been explicitly stated. thank you for coming to my TOM talk (my dad told me to say that)

TL;DR: no go back and read it i worked hard on this and i need you to agree (or just read the paragraph above this, i guess 😒)

[sophie0197]

Watch Mike absolutely swooning over Will the second he'll tell him "you're my hero Mike"

[little-diable]

Will you be my date? - Jasper Hale (fluff)

I’ve just found those types of imagines (for example ”deep end” by @sdicapriox totally obsessed with that one) and I wanted to try my own version. So, here is “5 times I’ve asked you to prom and the time you said “yes””. Enjoy my loves. xxx

(Credit to gif owner) 

i. Running late

Rain was patting against the windshield of (y/n)s car, a frown was prominent on her features, hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel, she was running late, again. (Y/n) wasn’t quite sure, how she had managed to stay up until 4am, to engrossed into her book, to realize that the sound of her alarm clock would try and wake her up in less than three hours. 

7.50 she still had ten minutes to make it to class, (y/n) was jogging towards the entrance of her high school, already out of breath as she came to a halt in front of her locker, hands rifling through it, desperately trying to find her history book. 

“Good morning darlin’”, she was too focused on trying to find her book, to pick up the sound of Jaspers smooth voice, not noticing the way he was leaning against the locker next to hers, golden eyes attached to her trembling frame.  Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, she detested running late. “I was wondering, if you’d do me the honor and -”, a sigh left (y/n)s lips, eyes finding his, “sorry Jas’. I’m running super late, whatever you want to ask me, this has to wait until later, okay?”.  

His golden eyes watched her disappear down the hall, his jaw was clenched, a wave of disappointment crashed upon him, (y/n) was one of his closest friends, someone he admired, someone he loved. It seemed as if (y/n) was quite oblivious to his feelings, not picking up on the fact, that the pale boy was deeply crushing on her. 

ii. Lunch 

It took Jasper two days to work up his courage, to try and ask (y/n) again, prom was fast approaching and Jasper felt the need to keep her close that night. He wouldn’t trust the vision of his sister, knowing how much the future could change, Jasper couldn’t remember a time, where he felt that nervous, (y/n) managed to make him feel like a human being, something he terribly missed. 

Jasper spotted her at the far back of the lunch hall, nose buried in a book, not truly listening to her girlfriends blabbering, “just ask her”, Alice nudged her elbow into his side. His fingertips were hammering against the tabletop, pondering about wether he should walk over there or not. 

“Jasper Hale is coming into our direction.”, one of (y/n)s friends whispered, ripping (y/n)s eyes off her book, taking in his nearing frame, she felt her heart skip a few beats, her palms were getting sweaty, did she look alright? (Y/n) ran a hand through her (y/h/c) hair, trying to smooth out the knots, she bit down on her lower lip, averting her eyes. 

“(Y/n)? Would you have a second for me?”, his accent made her swoon, nodding her head “yes”, while grasping her book and her backpack, following him out into the hallway. (Y/n) shifted her weight from one foot to the other one, why would he want to talk to her in private? “So, darlin’”, a smile on his lip, Jasper grasped a loose strand of her hair, twirling it around between his fingers, golden eyes focused on hers, “as I’ve wanted to ask you beforehand, you probably know that prom is coming up and -”, a hand grasped (y/n) shoulder, making her turn around. Mike Newton. 

“Hey sorry, (y/n) I desperately need your help with the math homework, please.”, a groan left Jaspers lips as he glared at Mike, finally understanding Edwards annoyance with the boy. (Y/n) whispered a small “sorry”, before following Mike down the hall, she found Jaspers eyes once again, a smile on her lips as she disappeared around the corner.  

iii. Library 

(Y/n) loved to hide away in the library, it was her own safe space, a place where she could keep to herself, not having to talk to anybody. She was a sucker for new books, would read through them in a single day, not keeping herself from getting sucked into the fantasy world, wishing she could disappear for a while and start her new life in one of her books. 

Her mind began to wander, making Jaspers golden eyes appear in her thoughts, her right leg began to bounce up and down, oh how she’d wished to be by his side right now. She could already feel her cheeks flare up, hands pressed onto the hot skin, desperately trying to cool herself down. 

“Are you alright, darlin’?”, she whipped her head around, eyes ripped wide open, her heart was rapidly beating against her ribcage, of course, he had to appear, while she was in her flushed state, dreaming about the way he’d hold her at night, keeping her safe and sound, hands wrapped around her waist, head buried in the crook of his nec- “(Y/n)?”, he grasped her hand, eyebrows furrowed together. 

Jasper wasn’t one for giving up, it just wasn’t in his nature to back down from anything, his primal instincts were leading him towards (y/n), he had to ask her, hoping that they’d finally be on their own in the library, no Mike near to disturb their little bubble of peace. He sat down next to her, still not letting go of her hand, tracing the veins on the back of her hand, “I think now would be a good time, to finally ask you, if you’d-”, the “silence” that hallowed through the library, interrupted him once again. 

The vampire pressed his forehead against the tabletop, jaw clenched, he felt anger rise in his chest, apparently he needed to take this to the next level. (Y/n) silently chuckled as she watched him, wondering what was going on inside of his head, why did he seem that annoyed? 

iv. Headphones 

Her back was pressed against the grass, hands crossed in front of her chest, eyes closed, another lunch break to give her a small break from studying. (Y/n) took a few breaths, cursing the clouds from hiding away the sun, she wasn’t the biggest fan of the cold weather. Birdys voice hallowed from her headphones, a smile danced on her lips as she listened to the lyrics, head whipping from side to side. 

Emmett pushed Jasper towards (y/n)s direction, noticing that none of her friends were near, she was completely on her own, the perfect time to finally ask her, if she’d accompany him to prom. Jasper took off his sunglasses as he placed himself next to her on the grass, eyes taking in her features, he was obsessed with her, in the best way possible. 

“(Y/n), I’ll go insane, if I don’t ask you this right now. Please, would you do me to honor and be my date to prom?”, his eyes were closed, waiting for an answer, but (y/n) didn’t say a word, not a single one. Slowly he opened up his eyes, maybe she just didn’t want to go to prom with him? Maybe somebody had already asked her, he wouldn’t blame them on that. 

But, (y/n)s eyes were still closed, she wasn’t moving an inch, her heartbeat was slow and clam, was she asleep? Jasper tilted his head backwards, hands running across his face, this was getting old. He could hear Emmett snicker from a few feet away, eyes trained on him and (y/n), he loved to watch his brother struggle. 

Jasper slowly ran a hand up her arm, fingertips tingling as he felt her soft skin underneath his, backing away as soon as she ripped her eyes open, it took her a few seconds to realize, that Jasper was sitting next to her. (Y/n) pulled out her earbuds, “sorry, Jas, didn’t hear you. Are you okay?”, his eyes looked darker than usual, he wordlessly shook his head “yes”, rose from the ground and left the confused girl behind. 

v. Hospital 

Just as Jasper left his fathers office, he bumped into something, or rather someone, hands grasping the person, keeping them from falling. He didn’t need to look up, to see who he was holding onto, her scent was enough for the venom to pool in the back of his throat, something he should be used to by now. 

An embarrassed chuckle left her lips, (y/n) stepped out of his embrace, dusting off her jacket, cheeks flushed in a deep red color, “sorry Jasper”, god, why did she have to be that clumsy? (Y/n) slung her bag over her shoulder, shooting him a quick glance, before striding past him, desperate not to.make a fool out of herself for the second time that day. 

He couldn’t stop himself from grasping her shoulder, wouldn’t hurt to try it a fifth time, would it? She visibly gulped as he opened up his mouth, but, no words were leaving his lips, he took in her flushed state, picking up on the uncomfortable feeling that was flooding through her. 

(Y/n) was sure, that she’d black out any second now, her heart was beating unbelievably fast, why did he have to have that effect on her? Why did she have to crush on one of the most famous boys from her school? Jasper was staring down on her, it seemed as if he was in some kind of trance, he was probably just making fun of her clumsy self. Wordlessly she shook off his hand and left him behind, tightly clutching the fabric of her bag, desperate to hold onto something. 

+Will you be my date? 

Prom wasn’t even a week away and (y/n) still had no date, maybe she just shouldn’t go at all, she couldn’t turn up on her own, not in the mood to embarrass herself any further. God, the things she’d do for Jasper to ask her out, but he had probably already asked one of the popular girls, why would he even bother with her?

Her head was pressed into her pillow, trying to swallow down the lump, that began to form in her throat, tears were welling up in her eyes - stop it, you’re not going to cry over a boy. She was too far gone, to pick up on the sound of the door bell ringing, only raising her head as her mom called for her “it’s for you, (y/n).”. 

She had to drag herself down the stairs, not bothered by her attire, who’d turn up at her house anyways? Probably just the mailman or one of her friends, but as she found Jasper Hale standing in front of her door, she felt frozen on the spot, (y/n) couldn’t move her legs any further, panic overcame her, oh god.

Jasper couldn’t stop his smile from spreading as he found her frame, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, no makeup on, she probably had been asleep a few minutes ago. “Hello darlin’.”, he reached his hand out for her to take, pulling her against his chest, inhaling the all too familiar scent of her shampoo, smiling against her hairline. 

“I know it’s late, I’m sorry for that. But this can’t wait.��, her eyebrows were furrowed together, wondering why he looked that serious, “please, (y/n), will you be my date to prom?”, he bit down on his lower lip, eyes trained on hers. It took her a few moments to process what he had just asked her. Prom? He wanted to go to prom with her? 

He began to feel nervous, once again unsure, if she’d liked to go with him anyways. “Of course I want to be your date.”, (y/n) pressed her head against the crook of his neck, giggling as he wrapped his hands around her middle, pulling her tighter. 

Finally. 

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Lloyd Dobler

(Not my gif)(Requested via message)

(I kept the first date because I thought it was cute. Hope you don’t mind!)

- You and Lloyd technically didn’t meet until after he asked you out.

- Remember when you first went to highschool and you had no idea that half the school “existed”; for lack of a better term. And every year you would somehow encounter someone that you didn’t know went to your school but now that you did know, you would just see them everywhere? That was you and Lloyd.

- It was after you entered your senior year of highschool that Lloyd had first seen you in the hallways. He had a thing for you the moment he saw you and spent the entire year arriving at one of his classes late because he just couldn’t take his eyes off you whenever you stood and waited for class to start.

- The only reason he didn’t ask you out during the year is because he just couldn’t work up the nerve, especially knowing that he’d have to see you the rest of the year if you rejected him.

- But soon enough, graduation came and he figured that he just had to ask you out or else he was very likely going to explode.

- So he went to “his office” and searched the phone book for your name, scanning through page after page until he found it and nervously dialed up the number.

- Well, I think you know how that phone call went. He spent the first minute or so rambling which gave you the time to skim through your yearbook and see exactly who was calling. And frankly... you were surprised to see that the voice on the other end of the phone was such a handsome boy.

“Lets go out. You wanna go out?”

- Let’s be honest here, Lloyd won’t relent until he gets; at least, one date with you. And why would you refuse? Like I said before: you saw him and saw that he was cute. And though you really didn’t know him, what was the worst that could happen when going out with someone that was so nervous while just talking on the phone with you.

- So you agreed ...which prompted him to ask you to repeat yourself a few times because he was in complete disbelief. Afterwards, he told you he’d pick you up at eight before saying goodbye and prancing to the living room to yell with his nephew in celebration.

- For your first date, he took you to the graduation party where you spent the night mingling with a lot of his surprisingly chill friends and periodically meeting back with him while he played keymaster.

- Your night; and morning, went pretty much the same after that. You were forced to drive around for three hours to give Mike a ride home, then you stopped at 7/11 and talked while you walked the rest of the way to your house; whereupon getting there he confessed that he wanted to see you as much as he could.

- The two of you share your first kiss a few dates later which only takes about three days since he asks you to hang out nearly every day. He’d just parked in front of your house, both of you saying a cheerful goodbye when he leant over and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, one you’d returned happily before saying a final goodbye and getting out of his car.

- Well, after that the two of you are inseparable and neither of you would have it any other way, especially not him.

- Constant Pda. Lloyd is sort of obsessed with you and wants to be touching, kissing, and holding you whenever he can, no matter where you are.

-  Hugs. He likes to bury his face in the crook of your neck when you do. 

- Having his arm around you most of the time. He likes having you pressed into his side. 

- Neck kisses. 

- Quick and chaste kisses or long and passionate ones; depends on the mood. 

- Don't mind him, he’s just absentmindedly playing with your hair. 

- Handholding. He takes your hand whenever he can, he likes having that little connection. 

- Bridal carrying and piggyback rides. 

- He’s not a big pet name person; mainly because he loves your name, but if he knows that you like them, he’ll gladly use them just to make you happy. 

- Lets be real here; Lloyd would gladly cuddle with you for hours on end. He loves having you as close to him as possible so never worry about trying to snuggle with him, he wants you to. 

- He’s a big spoon and he will refuse to let you go if you really don’t have to leave. He’ll tell you to go back to sleep or tighten his arms around you whenever you shift, not wanting you to move away from him even for a moment. 

- He’s the best at comforting and reassuring you and he genuinely never gets tired of it. He’ll sit with and talk to you for hours if he has to because the most important thing for him is seeing you happy. 

-  He’s your own, personal cheerleader. He’s always at all your events, clapping the loudest, and turning towards whoever's next to him, saying a “she’s great, isn’t she?”. He’s so proud. 

- He’s always gushing about you to people, even before the two of you started dating. Corey has to hear about you constantly though deep down she really doesn’t mind. 

- Speaking of his friends, you end up getting close to a lot of them, especially Corey. You let her rant to you whenever she needs to and she reminds you how important and special Lloyd is. 

- He sort of tells Corey and his other girlfriends everything so be prepared for her to know if you’ve “made it” or not or when you’ve had your first kiss. She tells you pretty much everything about her so it’s sort of a fair deal. 

- Getting close with his sister and nephew. You love watching him and the little boy play with each other and he loves the fact that you think it’s cute whenever he does. 

- His sister loves to tease him; and the two of you honestly. 

- He never gets annoyed while he waits for you to get ready. He likes having the excuse to watch you while you do your makeup or brush your hair, or just helping you choose an outfit and put it on. 

- Tons of compliments. He thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread and you best believe you’re going to know that. 

- Lloyd is ...so respectful? His mother raised him right and there’s so many points in your relationship where you wonder how you somehow managed to hit the jackpot. 

- I’m just gonna say it: he’s a pushover. You have Lloyd wrapped around your little finger so be nice to him because you’re his world and he’d do anything for you. 

- If you ask him to carry you’re things, he’ll do it. Ask him to do something he normally hates, he’ll do it. Ask to do something most boys would say no to, he’ll do it. He just loves seeing you happy. 

- He sort of jumps to agree with a lot of what you say; especially in the beginning of your relationship, because he wants you to think that the two of you are really compatible and that he’s the perfect guy for you. 

- Having a bunch of pictures together. He certainly has a bunch of pictures of you. 

-  Watching him train, fight, workout, etc. He pushes himself as hard as he can to impress you, occasionally hurting himself because he’s distracted ...so maybe it isn't a good idea for you to be there with him. 

- This boy lives for your praise. Tell him he’s handsome or that he did a good job and he’s all smiles. 

- He sort of loves hearing you talk and learning more about you. He eats up all your stupid stories like they’re the greatest things in the world. 

-  Talking on the phone pretty much everyday. He usually calls to say good morning or goodnight, or to see if you want to hang out. 

- Occasionally deep conversations. Sometimes something one of you says will just spur a sort of existential explanation/speech that neither of you really anticipated.

- Sooo many dates. You have at least three every week. Like I said: you’re inseparable. 

- He’s pretty much willing to do anything with you. He just likes being in your company, he doesn’t really care what you’re doing together.

- Going to convenience stores. 

- Beach dates. 

- Taking walks around gardens and other pretty places. You admire the scenery, he admires you. 

- Driving around with him all night. You don’t even have to talk for most of it, you just enjoy exploring the town and listening to the radio with him. 

- Cuddling in the early hours of the morning because you’ve spent all night out with him. 

- Sitting together in his backseat, either making out or “making it”. 

- He’s always prepared wherever you go. He always has whatever you need and is so considerate that you just want to kiss him. Food, entertainment, extra coats; you name it and he’s got it. 

- He would absolutely be the type of boyfriend to go out and buy you pads. He’s got a sister that he lives with and a friend group that pretty much consists of all girls; I’m sure he’s done it before. 

- You think you’re gonna be free of him when you get sick? Oh ho ho honey; not a chance. He’s calling to check in on you every few hours and stopping by to take care of you himself. 

- He’s not an extremely jealous person, and he’s good at acting nonchalant when he is so you rarely know when he’s actually feeling that way. He’s respectful and he trusts you so he isn’t gonna make a big deal out of you being around other guys, especially since you’re both so obviously in love. 

- And he’s got eyes only for you; there’s no reason for you to ever feel jealous. 

- He’s protective of you in the cutest way possible. He’s always sweetly checking in on you, making sure you’re okay and looking out for you whenever you’re together. You’ll never have to worry about stepping on broken glass again. 

- The two of you rarely ever fight so when you do, it’s over something serious or because someone else has caused a rift between the two of you. He never yells at you, he never really insults you, he mainly just wants you to talk to him, but believe me, when it comes down to it, he’ll argue and argue until one of you can’t take it anymore; usually you. 

- It’s usually you that leaves to get some space and cool off or think things over. In that time, if you refuse to see or talk to him, he’ll continue to call you until you finally agree to make up. He’s the king of persistency; as we saw in the movie. 

- His apologies are usually very heartfelt. A boombox playing your song™, flowers, messages on your answering machine that makes you want to cry. Believe me, it’s hard to stay mad at him.

- At first, he was really nervous to tell you that he loved you. He thinks that telling a girl he loves them is a really meaningful thing so he wanted to know that he meant it before he said it. But after he said it for the first time, he just couldn’t stop, and he loves hearing you tell him that you love him back. 

- It doesn’t matter what the future holds for the two of you; he’d follow you to the ends of the Earth. He wants to be with you for the rest of his life; it’s the one thing he’s really sure of. 

[lacktastrophe]

Daisy MegaPost Pt1

Update: 3/7/2021

This one’s been in the shop for a couple of years now. I think I started this way back in 2019 but I just became just far too busy to work on huge posts again. I had anticipated to have all of Daisy written up during the break that BCB had, but I became in need of a break myself too. Part two was written up, but I never went further.

I had come back to this recently and made some changes. I wasn’t too happy with the way I used to write and I’ve been editing this over and over, until I noticed it wasn’t keeping them. I’ve published it now since there wasn’t any point just keeping it in drafts and it’s more or less done, just not in this state I’m perfectly happy with, but it seems to be keeping my changes now it’s in this state. I anticipate I’ll still be making some edits. Before I continue on with Part 2. As for part 3 and onwards, I can’t give a time frame.

With the webtoons version way ahead of the chapters here, I’ll probably make progressive updates and start using those over the old Volume 1 art, I’d anticipate the webtoons version is a retelling of the story and thus there might be some retcons, like how Kizuna was replaced with Stacy. I’d anticipate some changes might make different meanings for the future.

I still enjoy examining the story and characters. I still plan to do some introspections to the other characters I haven’t come to, but it’ll be far fewer and in-between than years ago. I have other projects and those need priority. 

But I’m happy that people still enjoy reading these.

---

We’re onto the main characters now, things are going to need to change with the way mega-posts are going to be published from this point forward. My previous mega-posts are usually just one long post, hence the name. Though they’re starting to become uncontrollable, and Tumblr is clamping down, or at least not really working with excessive word counts.

Uh oh. . .

Well, the old mega-posts can still be accessed but you’ll need a direct link, they won’t show up on the mainroll and I’d be surprised if they still show up these days, and I’d have to guess this has something to do with the anti-spam detection on Tumblr.

If you were interested in the previous mega-posts, they can be accessed on their own page from my blog’s front page. I just wouldn’t try reading some of the earlier ones on an app, it’ll struggle. 

The other problem was with the word count, even without the characters being the prime focus, they’re starting to get long. Abbey’s alone was a 16000  behemoth. This surprised me, as despite him being a secondary character there was an awful lot to discover and talk about. Augustus, despite being a character who appeared much more in-between chapters but much fewer than Abbey, was nearly 21000 words. If there was that much to talk about with the secondary characters, the same method of just dumping as much as I can into one post is clearly not going to work when we start approaching the main characters. I had to split both of them up for my own convenience.

The main change is to make these smaller so they’re friendlier on the app and the website; maybe aim for 2000-5000 words without focusing too heavily on trying to get through on as many chapters as possible and see how far we go. 

The plan from this point forward is to do a large collection of write ups but then deploy them progressively. That’ll also give anyone who’s keen a chance to give feedback or who wants to talk further about something. 

Sound good?

Me too! So without further ado, let’s get a move on and have a look at Daisy.

----

So, our first protagonist, where do we start with  Daisy?

How you’re first introduced to Daisy really depends on whether you read the book or followed the comic through the site. The book’s opening chapter, ‘Like a Bittersweet Candy Bowl’ introduces you to Daisy as a massive bookworm who does well in school. She’s pretty smart!

Book in hand, we’d pretty much believe that right off the bat. She appears like the most studious in this group of friends. And we’d be right! She even puts the ever-perfect Mike to shame. She’s nothing less than a perfect student. 

‘Perfect’ could be an understatement, Daisy is a literal freak of nature when it comes to her academics; as when Daisy and the kids transition to Roseville high, we find her already in classes well advanced than her peers.

Daisy is just that incredible!

Through the website, ‘Simple Pleasures’ aims to introduce the kids in much the same way, but there is far less in the way of monologuing and we’re introduced as the characters interact. In much the same way as the introduction chapter in volume 1, we learn that Daisy is quite the bookworm and school-obsessed student, even during weekends. But that’s not the only thing dominating her thoughts, as when Lucy goes out on her walk, the first person she runs into is Daisy who is looking for someone else in particular!

You guessed it!

Oh GOD, does Daisy like boys! Can you guess who she’s got her eye on?

Of course it’s Mike. Are you surprised she’s got a deep crush on the boy who seems very perfect himself? Everywhere that Mike goes, you can be sure that there’s a shadow in the shape of Daisy not too far behind. . .

Wherever he goes. . .

Daisy doesn’t shy from showing her interest in him when the convenience calls for it. Ah, young love.

Eventually, Daisy would find love, though it wouldn’t be with Mike. It would however be the second longest running relationship in the comic if you consider Mike and Sandy, with an admirer of hers. 

Still, suffice to say, even after every attempt gets shot down in the most spectacular way, Daisy bounces back -- Like a daisy. Her shining ray of positivity follows her everywhere.  It’s all in the name, after all. Daisy still manages to rise up with her sunny disposition. 

But not every time.

As the story progresses, little by little, we start seeing that there’s more to Daisy. We start to see that not everything is bright and happy like her name-sake despite appearances. Things would be far from perfect, and underneath that smiling face is a character suffering with low self-esteem in that very same area; her appearance; believing their Ragamuffin/Selkirk-Rex heritage is letting them down and putting them in misery. This tends to be particularly true on rainy days, when all the hours she spends of a morning brushing down her fur become undone when the droplets causes it to fluff up and the curls start showing. Daisy attributes these traits to the reason she isn’t quite as easily noticed by the boys as the other girls, setting up for a number of stories involving her in Volume1, and opening her to be taken advantage of in the pursuit of attention and affection.

Not all the characters gain admirers or attention and for most of these characters, this is fine. But Daisy is not one of those and this above all things has an enormous impact on her. She wants to be noticed and receive affection, particularly from Mike, and others to a degree. 

It’s when faced with multiple rejections from her dream boyfriend we also progressively discover a side of her shown to be more envious if not resentful of a few others who have it so easy, particularly with one such character inside her friend circle.

As you can imagine, these weaknesses will eventually put Daisy in danger as she tries her best to come up with ways to cope and make changes in order to improve her life, especially if the means are at the cost of logical reasoning like taking advice from the seediest boy in the school to attain her goals. She isn’t infallible; Intelligence doesn’t necessarily mean smarts. Even with someone who does as well in school as Daisy does, there’s always room to grow. 

But until that happens, Daisy often finds herself in trouble when her personal feelings, ambitions and dreams do the talking for them on pursuit of happiness, for herself and others.

And oh boy, doesn’t Daisy make more than her own fair share of mistakes.

Let’s move onto the story, it starts with Simple pleasures, the first chapter.

This chapter serves to introduce us to the main group of characters central to the story and so features the aloof and prickly Lucy, the playboy Paulo, the ever-perfect Mike and the bookworm Daisy. It starts with Lucy on a morning walk and progressively running into each of them. With Daisy specifically, it starts with Daisy coming across her first and greeting her by shouting ‘Hey’ behind her.

Except...Lucy ignores her, and we don’t know why -- Is Lucy doing this intentionally? She’s in a world of her own at the moment with her singing. Are they friends? Is she just so aloof she doesn’t realise she’s there?

Well, Daisy isn’t going to let herself be ignored so easily and she really needs Lucy for something. So she goes to get her attention by impulsively grabbing onto Lucy’s tail. This would turn out to be a very critical mistake that one of the other protagonists just can’t stop helping himself from doing, and because of that we notice that Lucy isn’t as aloof as she seems, and reciprocates by twisting around and kicking her in the face.

Only to find that the person she was expecting was actually Daisy, much to her surprise. There’s a reason she never noticed her.

The first chapter has a number of objectives, it serves to set up the tone of the comic by showing the dynamic between the main group of friends, but also displays their characteristics. We already learn a couple of things from Daisy and Lucy’s interaction here. We learn that Lucy has a short fuse when it comes to unwanted contact. She appears aloof, but the main reason for Lucy not acknowledging Daisy initially is through the understanding that she’s partially deaf, unable to hear out of her left ear in similar in characteristic with her breed, the Khao Manee. Many of the other characters will make this mistake too and often at times Lucy doesn’t make it obvious she can’t hear what’s going on around them and needs to ask about what transpired much later. Lucy’s aloofness will be questioned in time as we start seeing more of her.

Daisy had forgotten about Lucy’s disability because something else was more important. And naturally, we learn that Daisy has, no less; a bit of a crush on the forefront of her mind. And we learn here that crush is on Mike, one of their friends at school, and her reasoning for bothering Lucy is that she’s only looking for him. What we come to learn later is it’s a little known fact that wherever Lucy is, Mike is often not too far away. In fact Lucy is never off on her own by herself. 

Sadly for Daisy, Lucy doesn’t know where he is, so Daisy runs off in the opposite direction. That’s about as much of Daisy as we see until the next chapter. 

Before we move on, let’s talk more about their interaction. As brief as it was, the interaction gives off more in the subtext into the status of the relationships between these characters and the others. I anticipate as new readers many of the details of this interaction just fly over heads, accepting these two are friends and this is just how they are. But being as late into the comic as we are, I feel we’re already seeing some of the signs of what’s to come in the story through this short interaction. Not everything is as it seems.

Most of this payload of information is laid in the question that Daisy poses after Lucy asks her what she’s after. When Lucy states she hasn’t seen Mike, Daisy asks ‘Oh no, did you upset him?’ 

Immediately we’re given some insight into the triangle that exists between these characters and their relationship between one another, and insight into the state of these relationships.

Starting with Mike and Lucy’s relationship as the question is directed about the two of them, we learn that the friendship isn’t without it’s issues, and we’d be quick to pass this off initially as something that happens from time to time. Fight’s happen, it’s a fact of life, and it happens more so when you’re a kid and figuring things out, yourself and life.  Reading through the story, we would find the two inseparable in the later chapters and we never look at Daisy’s question again. But reading through BCB again from as late in the comic as we are, we have to wonder why this question specifically.

What we learn much later in the comic as we progress through is that Mike and Lucy’s relationship is much more complicated than what it appears to be. Much later, we see that the two do argue from time to time, until we get to the point where the plaster and apologies aren’t mending the cracks. The friendship isn’t quite as clean cut as it was made out to be and we start seeing some back stories into the characters. What appears to be a competitive rivalry through volume 1 between two friends is really something more sinister. By the time we reach Volume 4, we learn these two are really anything but friends.

For the moment, Daisy’s casual interaction gives off a sense of normality in their environment and understanding the answer to the question would actually help plan out her next move if we were to consider that maybe there was some intent behind the question. But we’ll get to the nature of it soon.

Without knowing too much about the kids as early in the story. I’d feel we’d put our trust in the kids to tell the story for us, and Daisy does come off as being quite perceptive and trustworthy immediately being the positive bookkeeper she is, she would be the expert for us until such a time as we become the experts. 

One thing we’d discover much later on our own is that the Mike and Lucy are inseparable. In one way or another, they will find each other and act like close friends again. And Daisy knows this too without specifically pointing it out. Already suggesting that they’ve fought, it would only be a matter of time before they made up again, whether that takes minutes or hours. No matter how big the town is again, so long as they’ve got each other in their thoughts, they’ll stumble upon each other in no time, almost like a six sense.

It could be said that this is for the sake of convenience in the story in getting them to interact faster in the comic and resolve disputes, and that would be right. But BCB takes this and turns it into a running gag between just these two characters. There are more than a few jokes that exist in Volume 1 to make this seem like these two are made for each other in the way that they will eventually run into each other no matter how big the town is. One such joke is seen in Volume 1 through Mike’s inability to surprise Lucy on her Birthday. It’s so powerful, even Lucy’s auditory disability doesn’t stop her from catching him just before he can do it, even if the hiding spot isn’t obvious.

We’ve only seen this fail once, and that was in ‘Its all in the mind’ when Mike does sneak up on her, but Lucy has very much moved on from Mike at this point, so we’d have to wonder if this is something to do with them both being in Sync, we might not know.

-

The question Daisy asks doesn’t just pertain to Mike and Lucy’s relationship however, it also begs the question to Lucy and Daisy’s relationship at the same time. In fact, if it wasn’t for Daisy’s sunny disposition and Lucy’s stone-faced responses, the entire interaction would appear quite rude; Daisy’s question isn’t whether or not she’s seen him, only if she’s upset him, shedding some poor light on Lucy’s personality.

It’s important to remember that while these two are friends at our current point in the comic, they did not start out as friends, especially when you consider Confrontation, as we’re coming up to. Daisy, while she was amicable around Lucy and quite hospitable to her in the friend group, has to contend with her as being this roadblock to getting to Mike. Lucy seemed more aloof around her, but there’s more than enough to suggest that Lucy had other mutual feelings.

Understanding now that there is a rivalry between the two (or a one-sided rivalry, take your pick), we can understand why that particular question had been asked. Its tent though is to give more reason to Daisy’s next move: If Lucy did divulge she had fought with him; then it would only be a matter of time before Mike showed up, as Mike would feel the need to apologise and through their innate ability, would find each other, it would just be a matter of time. If she hadn’t; then Mike could be just about anywhere. 

It turns out to be the later. And too infatuated with Mike (or not interested in hanging out with Lucy, take your pick), Daisy does not simply stay with her to wait and runs off in the opposite direction, hoping to find him first. 

It’s when Daisy is no longer in the focus, we can see that Lucy isn’t exactly as stonewalled as she initially appeared to be, blushing from the interaction.

As possible that Lucy is only reacting because of her stupid head-over-heels attitude for that other idiot, as Lucy is yet to realise her feelings for Mike, we could wonder if it might not also be because Daisy has rudely pointed at the elephant in the room in Lucy and Mike’s relationship. Who’s to say?

(2021 edit -- The webtoon has this piece of dialogue changed. This time Daisy asks ‘Awww, are you both fighting still?’, which makes this even more pronounced that things aren’t all quite sunshine already. )

Finally, Daisy and Mike. Now that Lucy’s interaction with Daisy is done, Daisy is running around town looking for Mike, for whatever reason it just can’t wait until school. 

Ah love. I’m sure it won’t be a problem in the future, right? 

Mike is a real nice guy; lending Daisy his math workbook to Daisy.

We really need to look a bit deeper into this. We know much later in the story we that Daisy is well in advance of her peers in her studies. When she starts Roseville high, we find her in no more than two ahead of the others in her grade, with the juniors, and Tess.

And in the first few chapters of volume 1, we learn that Daisy often tutors Mike, so there’s no way Daisy even needs that book.

Unless...

O---Oh. It wasn’t for Math after all.

We’d come to learn that boy troubles are generally the source for all of Daisy’s grief. We’ll find that Daisy’s crazed obsession over Mike is used to justify a lot of the actions she’ll take in the future and we don’t know how bad this is until the much later volumes. Volume one step over this lightly as just a girl wanting her crush’ affection. But it becomes more pronounced in the much later volumes, especially when Abbey makes a point out of it when Daisy is less inhibited to keep her real feelings secret after getting drunk off Alcohol at Rachel’s party in a very late chapter.

Getting back to the current chapter, Lucy will notice that Mike eventually did find Mike, but she’s not with him. So maybe that was all she really wanted.

We’d be saps for thinking that.

But without anything concrete, we can only presume that was it. So thanks for returning Mike’s book, Daisy.

Daisy appears again in Merry Snow Day, the following chapter. This is a very short chapter where the kids are going to school after Lucy (begrudgingly) accepts schools not out, and walks with Mike to school. Daisy appears not long after and the first order of the day is to talk about homework, including offering to tutor him. She’d do anything if it meant helping her fellow students.

It’s at this part we’re introduced to the subtle idea of the rivalry for Mike’s affection between Daisy and Lucy. It’s subtle since it’s very one-sided and Lucy and Daisy don’t directly interact with one another or show that they’re fighting. Their interactions for most of the early chapters happen through Mike like you can see above when Lucy adds herself into the conversation. We’d have reason despite Lucy’s aloofness that such a rivalry does exist subconsciously and there are some reasons to believe this we’ll touch on. But for the moment, we can be sure that Lucy doesn’t consider Daisy a threat for one main reason: Mike will come back, so there’s no problem.

Daisy wouldn’t make a point of the rivalry either but Daisy would take advantage of the convenience of Lucy being out of the picture to seek attention from Mike, as she does when Lucy continues to school, and Daisy directly copies what happened just seconds ago when Lucy was about to fall on the ice, and Mike catches her.

Nice.

This chapter also introduces Yashy, Lucy’s pet Lizard and her surrogate daughter into the story line. The earlier chapters of Bittersweet Candy Bowl are ripe with slap-stick humour, and Yashy is the general source of this with her outspokenness and wise-ass personality. She’s there to rile up the others and break all the ice with her innocent demeanour. This will be the case up until the kids go to Highschool when the comedy starts being turned down in place of focusing on the rifts coming between the kids.

Unlike the other pets, Yashy is integral to the plot involving Lucy and Mike’s relationship, as she’s partly the reason for the friendship going on as long as it has. Having known Yashy for as long as Lucy, Mike takes on the role of the surrogate dad in Yashy’s life and this ends up having Yashy taking on the belief that Mike and Lucy are an established couple. But this isn’t true, and it plagues Mike as this is anything further than the truth. But with Yashy’s innocence, he can’t find the means to break this to her.

Yashy’s insistence of Mike and Lucy’s eventual destiny of being husband and wife comes at Daisy’s expense, as despite Lucy not necessarily seeing reason to stop Daisy’s attempts at trying for seek Mike’s affection, it’s Yashy who perceives her as a real threat and will shout obscenities at her when she doesn’t get her way, with a particular choice of word in mind. Though it doesn’t stop Daisy. But we can’t help but wonder much later if those words Yashy chooses to throw don’t have some kind of an effect on her much later.

That completes this chapter. Daisy doesn’t have much of an impact in Unfit for Education, appearing more to just be a participant in Sue’s obsessive thoughts game. But she gets a larger role to play in the following chapter; Burden of Parenthood. 

This chapter has the kids going through sex ed. and being given the responsibility of raising a robotic baby, which they will be graded on based on their performance. This chapter starts off quite unexpectedly, as when the teacher begins pairing off the students, Yashy’s expectations that Michael and Lucy will be paired together, doesn’t actually happen for a change.

This time, Daisy is paired up with Mike, and Lucy is paired up with Paulo.

As you could guess, Yashy isn’t thrilled in the least bit. But neither is Lucy particularly when she spots Paulo pleased at the results himself.

Again I still don’t think Yashy’s abuse is really doing much for Daisy, I can’t help but wonder what that will do for her self-esteem?

Oh, I bet she’ll be fine, she’s like a Daisy, remember?

It’s during lunch we find Daisy is positively happy with the result when she confronts Mike with their baby. Although there’s just one problem. The baby is a glaring defect, a very...interesting feature about it that has Mike freaking out.

And he’s not playing ball because of it. Even Lucy is having a hard time with the baby’s smile.

But Daisy, Daisy couldn’t care; it’s Mike’s child.

The Daisy x Mike compatibility really doesn’t take off as Mike wants absolutely nothing to do with the newly-named Alegria, which Daisy is quick to point out after keenly watching a maternally-skilled Lucy teach a very clumsy Paulo how to properly hold a child, something she learned when raising Yashy. Daisy is by all means entranced by the romantic exchange.

But where’s hers?

Trying to get Mike jealous by thrusting her baby in Paulo’s arms, and Paulo taking to the baby. Mike sees his chance and gets Lucy to ditch the two and work as a team again.

There is a momentary issue when the teacher discovers the pairs do not have their correctly assigned baby, and through a quick suggestion they were giving a realistic portrayal of divorce and custody, get extra marks on their assignments.

You’d think Daisy would be quite depressed with her chance to work with Mike not going the way she planned and the opportunity going out the window. But to receive additional credit on their work, she’s actually more than ecstatic at the results!

It’s fine, there’ll be more chances. There’s still 4 more years of school!

And in the meantime, Daisy x Paulo was born. One would have to wonder if it would bear fruits.

...Nah.

Daisy has a role to play in the next chapter; Prom Preparation. She’s tasked with organising the 8th grade prom.

The first order of the day is to survey the music selection for the evening, starting with genres. Daisy gets ideas from a number of the students, almost forgetting she hadn’t asked Mike yet.

Apparently Mike doesn’t have a favourite genre of music that comes to mind. Not being a fan of new music, Daisy fills the gap and suggests he’s into much older stuff which she tries to bond over, infuriating Yashy. 

When Daisy asks Lucy for her favourite music genre. Lucy wonders why she should bother since she’s not planning on going. . .

Leaving Mikie easy pickings for the evening. Daisy sees her chance for a bit of romance that evening, and Yashy is not at all pleased about this.

It’s worth talking about Yashy at this point, as even though we’re technically focusing on Daisy, there’s something we might be able to gain from both Yashy and Lucy that might give more insight into Daisy and Lucy’s relationship. You might notice, (2021 -- Especially in the Webtoons version), during each outburst by Yashy we can see Lucy blushing as her child unleashes hell upon Daisy, and we’d have to wonder why that is, because Lucy doesn’t seem to be initially the kind of person to care too much about anything going on around them, right?

But what if Yashy was this mouthpiece of Lucy’s impulsive thoughts that she doesn’t act on, and that’s why Lucy appears to blush from embarrassment? Yashy’s impulses are not something she’s able to control, only her own through her own inhibitions. Later in the story we start seeing hints that Lucy’s stonewall-straight faced demeanour is very much a facade and she’s actually quite sensitive, but when she’s fighting her emotions inside and she doesn’t have the answer, a blank expression is all you get so she can’t be hurt in one way or another.

But having been raised by Lucy, we could assume that Yashy is very much Lucy’s child and we can expect that having been raised by Lucy, much like every other kid out there, sometimes kids pick up traits from their parents.

(2021 -- The problem of Yashy’s language was also bought up in the more recent chapter, Dinner time, when Lucy’s mum points this out as Lucy and Jordan are fighting. While the person who was called out for this was Jordan. Can’t help but think that despite Jordan pointing out something embarrassing about why Mike might not be over more, Lucy is instead more blushing over the problem with Yashy, as Yashy is still embarrassed at being called out over it too. It’s hard to imagine the problem is just Jordan as Lucy has quite opinionated language as well, and lastly, because Yashy spends more of her time with her. There’s just an awful lot of body language going on in that scene and it’s hard to tell.)

Yashy is quite innocent in the story as she is one of the fewer characters who meets with rejection and doesn’t undergo the same hardships that Lucy underwent in her youth, so where this language and outspokenness has come from, you’d have to wonder if it’s just a quirk, or something deeper at this stage. Like as if Yashy is actually Lucy without the inhibitions.

Daisy doesn’t back down from Yashy when the golden opportunity arises even despite the name-calling. It’s when Mike believes both girls are fighting over him for Lucy to set the record straight -- she isn’t; Yashy and Daisy were and makes a point out of it. This causes Mike to walk off embarrassed since Lucy doesn’t reciprocate the same feelings. It’s only a little later towards the end when Daisy is turned down along with several other girls who learn of Mike’s availability. That ends that chapter. No romance for Daisy.

The next chapter is Helping hands, this chapter stars Daisy and Paulo who appear to have become closer friends since their pairing together in Burden of Parenthood. The chapter begins with Daisy and Paulo walking through the street, with Daisy talking about how Katie had a sleep-over the previous weekend but wasn’t invited, she was sure she must have misplaced it.

Though why missing out on Katie’s sleepover is the highlight of Daisy’s weekend is anyone’s best guess, right?

Daisy screams out suddenly as she points out an injured bird on the road, appearing heartbroken at the events. Paulo points out an arriving car that is about to put it out of its misery causing Daisy to become further distraught by this. At the very last minute, Paulo saves the bird, almost putting his own life in danger.

Expecting her to be elated, Daisy is not at all pleased in Paulo’s recklessness and scolds him, before being otherwise thankful he did it to save the bird.

But the next question is, now what?

With a hospital being too far away, Daisy suggests instead to take it to Lucy’s house as a last resort. Bringing up Paulo’s crush however, garners a reaction from Paulo that, well. . . Daisy’s not to pleased at seeing.

Oh, we’re going to see more of that. 

Daisy thinks about whether or not Lucy would end up adopting the bird as she has quite a number of pets herself. Daisy would herself although her mother wouldn’t allow it.

Suggesting Paulo could with how well Paulo did at looking after Alegria, Paulo finds the talk far too embarrassing for his ever-masculine personality. Daisy tries to persuade him that girls are into boys who can be shown to have a caring attitude. Sadly, Paulo thinks he’s already at this level.

Oh, how Paulo x Daisy is teased so.

The weather starts to take a turn for the worst and threatens to rain down much to Daisy’s horror, as we learn something interesting about how her fur reacts to the rain. Paulo tries not not to give this away but Daisy then realises and starts showing how self conscious she is about her fur, a fact we learn more of in an intermission, where Daisy spends quite a number of hours brushing it down. When Daisy asks whether he’s grossed out by her curls, he avoids the question by telling them they have to hurry, or the bird won’t make it!

Unfortunately for Daisy, Paulo isn’t the last person when they arrive at Lucy’s house. Leaving the bird in her care, Daisy immediately runs into the bathroom only to run into Mike, it’s an absolute nightmare scenario.

Feeling devastated, Paulo comes in with some saving words and tells her if Mike was really worth her time, he’d wouldn’t care no matter how she looked. Which does wonders for her esteem.

Lucy arrives down shortly thereafter and lets the two know the bird will make it, having only been attacked by another creature and not so much struck by a car. Lucy will nurse it until its better, much to the joy of Daisy and Paulo.

At that point, the conversation switches as that matter is taken care of. Noticing that Mike is at Lucy’s house studying with her. Daisy tries to invite herself to stay over and help out too.

It turns out, simply asking means you’re outstaying your hospitality.

Yeah, they’re not really tight friends are they?

On the Monday, Daisy and Paulo ask Lucy about the bird, first mistaking what Lucy says meaning that the bird passed away, it healed over the weekend and left the following day.

But not before giving them a gift.

After all, they’d need it for their baby. The bird seems to think they’d make a good couple. Ah, PauloxDaisy again. If only they both felt that way about each other.

Daisy appears in show and tell, in this chapter we are introduced to the specific breeds the characters are.

Naturally, Yashy is not at all pleased about Daisy when she arrives.

When it comes to Daisy’s turn, we find she’s Selkirk Rex cross Ragamuffin.

Which would explain a lot of Daisy’s features, Selkirk and Ragamuffins are both very people-oriented and akin to Teddy Bears. Both breeds can get along with nearly everybody.

And, well that’s true for Daisy.

Daisy appears in Pep Rally, a chapter focusing on the sports carnival. Daisy appears as one of the school’s cheerleaders next to Amaya, Stacy, and her rival, Katie, who is not at all happy that she’s not the captain. Daisy is not about to give up being the center of attention.

This chapter has more to do with Mike’s super sensitive hearing than anything else. Even so, Daisy is more than capable of being able to amp up the crowd, especially when Mike lands a win.

Daisy appears in the next chapter ‘Off to the Movies’, when Mike invites Lucy to the movies, only for Paulo, David and Daisy to show up at the same time and suggest they all go see a movie together (Lucy reluctantly agreeing). When it comes to selecting their preferences for movies, Daisy goes for the mushiest movie that’s available. Paulo and David wanting horror, Mike wanting comedy and Lucy. . .well, she wants to see a love story. It seems like they all can’t decide, but Lucy chooses the jack of all trades movie as a compromise; the ‘epic suspensful, romance thriller with lots of jokes’.

Win-win, right?

Daisy’s in heaven when the seating arrangements are chosen, right next to her crush, she couldn’t be more optimistic.

A number of things happen during the movie, but nothing got by Daisy when the movie ends as she notices Paulo on the brink of tears following its conclusion. Daisy offers to forget that she ever saw it, on the condition he explains his phobia to barking, something else that happened earlier when Paulo tried to steal David’s popcorn. 

Predictably, Paulo is far too masculine to talk about his feelings.

Eventually Paulo balks to the peer pressure (from Daisy) and explains what happened. When the others make fun of Paulo over it, Daisy leaps to his defense and tells them off. There’s a lovely moment between the two as Daisy reassures Paulo that she appreciates his forwardness and openness to the things that bothers him. And Paulo decides to talk about everything.

The PauloxDaisy content just keeps coming.

But it’ll never work. I--I swear it won’t.

By the very end, the kids all say their farewells to each other and go their separate ways.

Daisy appears in the next chapter ‘Puppy Love’. Mike finds a love letter in his locker from a secret admirer (It’s Stacy). Mike chastises Lucy who finds the whole thing hilarious and reads the poem aloud. Mike wants to find the person responsible. Suddenly, and out from nowhere, Daisy appears suggesting they do some detective work, all in the name of romance. But Mike reveals he just simply wants to reject them.

With much similarity to Prom Night, this chapter is more to point out with how much of the school has an interest in dating Mike. It’s not just Daisy, but also Sue, Amaya, Katie, those three random girls. The only exception is dear old Lucy. 

The next chapter is Confrontation. This chapter opens with Mike and Lucy doing what they do best when something unfortunate happens; they argue, with Lucy blaming Mike for having them miss their stop. Daisy begs Paulo to get them to stop, and they do, albiet, for a short few seconds before they start arguing again.

With no sign of it ending, Daisy and Paulo day-dream of a better alternate reality where they both get their desires. Mike and Lucy are just awful for each other. Things would work out better if it was just Mike and Daisy, and Paulo and Lucy, Just think of the romance. What could go wrong?

The kids get off at the next station which unfortunately for them turns out to be a bad idea as they end up in the roughest neighbourhood a few towns over from Roseville. With Lucy suggesting they find a phone to call their parents, they go out in search of an open store. With Mike and Lucy still at each other’s throats, Daisy tries to take advantage of the situtation by suggesting that Mike could in fact stay over at her place seeing as how late it was, especially if his house is a bit too far. hoping that Lucy having been quite bitter to him will cause him to think about coming around to her advances. But Mike rejects her advance. When Daisy becomes fed up enough to suggest he’d go to Lucy’s house despite their fighting, he agrees it likely would happen, frustrating her even more.

She loses her temper, exploding about Mike and Lucy’s friendship being just horrible and suggests any investment would never be returns. Prompting a reaction from Mike for a short moment, until Mike twists that around and tells her to stop chasing the same stupid feelings, walking ahead and leaving Daisy to sulk to herself.

She’s joined shortly after when Paulo’s escapade in trying to woo Lucy goes as well as anyone would expect. Daisy, frustrated in how Mike always seems to show some compromise with Lucy, argues with him over his bad taste in women too.

Daisy’s thorns are on full display here as she starts to openly show her resentment towards Lucy who has it all so easy with both Paulo and Mike due to her looks. Daisy’s frustrated that despite her best efforts to be more appealing in every other way; Lucy has the looks, and that’s all that matters.

With Daisy being too frustrated from being inhibited from displaying this side of her, it’s clear neither she nor Lucy are good friends at all. Daisy has shown such a low opinion of her because of her attitude, knowing full well that often times Mike gets beaten up by her. Lucy’s aloofness could be confused with disinterest and both of them suggest that Lucy wouldn’t really care if either of them suddenly caught alight.

But Mike overhears this thanks to his superhearing and tells them there’s more to her than what they know. But neither of them take the comment seriously.

Lucy also overhears, and is a little distraught at how the others think of her.

The kids find a bar and Sue manages to call ther mother to come pick them up. Problems arise when Mike takes on a dare to eat as many liqueur chocolates from a stranger, and is quite positively drunk out of his mind. Lucy comments on this having watched on and Daisy chastises her for letting him do it.

She might have wished she had done something about it, as Mike is all over her, uninhibited from telling her how he feels about her looks.

And that does nothing for Daisy who sucks at all the attention Lucy’s getting. The world’s just unfair.

Though, Mike notices Daisy’s state, and goes over to give her attention too. What would be a dream for Daisy is sadly shortlived, as Mike’s attention switches to ice-cream truck music, and suddenly takes off towards it.

The kids are find themselves backed into an alley, as the stranger who Mike took the bet from comes to get his money back. 

The ordeal is quite terrifying to Daisy. Paulo tries to defend her. But he gets a little too in over his head, not realising these two were the people who created his phobia of barking .

When Paulo is kicked aside, Daisy goes to him and asks if he knows the two. But Paulo doesn’t recognise them.

Not considering herself a fighter, Daisy is only able to come to her friends’ comfort as each one is assaulted one by one. Paulo first, then Sue when she cops an arm to the nose.

She can only watch when Mike tries to defend them, actually having some martial arts experience, but being too drunk to be effective.

And finally Lucy, as capable as she was finds herself unable to fend off Alejandro. Daisy calls out, but Lucy tells her to be quiet, or to hide as Lucy bears the brunt of the assault.

Mike regains consciousness at the very last moment and saves her before both team up in a last stand against Alejandro. Alejandro realises he’s bitten off more than he can chew and runs away. Daisy watches on as Lucy breaks down having realised how close they all were to having someone lose their life.

Sue’s mother arrives and all the kids are on their way back to Roseville. Paulo can’t help but notice that Daisy is really in the dumps over the night. Lucy did something completely unexpected in coming to their aid at the last minute  — the ever uncaring Lucy put herself on the line so no one else would get hurt. And she feels awful knowing she was wrong  — about Lucy and what she said about her to Mike.

Paulo tries to reassure her that Mike probably doesn’t remember what she said, and that turns out to be true as Mike is willing to accept her apology the next day.

Things are back to normal it seems, luckily for Daisy. 

Or are they?

-

I figure we’ll stop here and resume next week. Look at that! We covered 12 chapters of 127! There’s a lot more of Daisy to come!

[thehopefulsnowflake]

And again here are more theories and opinions about the magnus archives from my brother

The corruption is one of the "four horsemen"

War and conquest are the military ghosts, and the desolation

Famine and pestilence is the buggy bois

Death is the end, duh

The corruption is colonisation basically

Elias is against having a cat, because they are too powerful, he was very serious about this

Centipedes have a masochistic foot fetish, millipedes have a normal one, don't ask

The woman in Dead Woman Walking is just a Zombie

Is the Woman a victim of the Book of Death from MAG 70

Georgie is a ghosty hunty person

Georgie and Melanie don't seem to be afraid of anything

The Italian mountain troops would have known they were being fucked with

More undead

Reminded him sort of the Meat Men

Also reminded him of the buried on the London underground

The mysterious firing squad intrigued him, did all the men that went up the mountain come back to kill him?

Basira is Drax from gotg

She'll randomly appear and no one will know she's there until she speaks

The chuckle brothers origin story, he means Breekon and Hope

Didn't think the circus had anything to do with the stranger

Breekon and Hope are taxidermy

So they're with the stranger

The Stranger is just everything that doesn't fall under something else

The circus was it's own thing

The cult of the lightless flame is it's own thing

The people's Church of the devine host is it's own thing

The circus is just full of people who you don't know, if you do know them that's sad... He was kinda rambling at this point

Is Sarah Baldwin capable of being bored

Why was she working with Melanie?

Do you just take a liking to ghost people

Did you take them over before of after they were eaten.

The Buried is called The London underground

Is it the Fairchild's? Thinks they're about isolation

Thinks it might be a book

The pit could be an Antlion

Thought that the young woman who was eaten by the pit turned into Gertrude

The young man could be, Gerry, Martin, Salesa, young Jon, Elias.

Thinks The stranger is vanilla in terms of gods and monsters.

The stranger is the least interesting.

Thinks all the Stranger wants to do is just summon a god

For some reason he thinks the Dark should be doing more to stop them, because Rayner wouldn't want that to happen

Martin will rap battle the archive to victory, via poetry from Leitners books

The stranger could just be Lego

He's horny for Rayner, his words not mine

Mr. Sandman brought him a dream

Thinks that the Dark at least can get to their gods dimension but choose not to.

If you make everywhere dark does their god appear?

He asked what would happen if two factions tried to summon their god at the same time what would happen

Thinks that all the Avatars /Entities do the same thing.

Breekon and hope have never killed anyone

Maxwell Rayner is a time travelling shadow demon

Mr sandman is like an angry sandy from Rotg

He made this episode unnecessarily kinky

They're just summoning gods

The stranger is remarkably being left alone

Thinks there is no fighting between factions

If anything they're aided

Is the Fairchild's entity already here

Are they working with the other factions

Says he knows whats going to happen because he "knows how these things go"

The Beholding is already on this side and if another God is summoned then it will be booted

Elias killed Gertrude because she was trying to defeat the Beholding and if it was defeated he would turn into the same thing as below the Library in Alexandria

There were three versions of the unknowing that he thought of

Destroying the concept of identity, the unknowing destroys the concept of personality, individuality, and identity. Turning them into Stranger worshipping entities

The angler fish was the thing in the basement at the Taxidermy shop

Stranger just means it couldn't get any stranger

Or it's deliberate parodies of humans

Breekon and Hope were normal people

Salesa, the chuckle brothers, the meat man, the skin walkers, the taxidermist, the manquien, Not-Sasha, the architects, the circus and to some extent the witches are part of the stranger

Magnus is a stranger that took over Elias

He also thinks Elias is just Magnus who found out how to stick around for a while

But Elias isn't the archive god like he first thought

The twisted detergent is Michael's new entity

Michael is like Loki if he didn't have a brother

The stranger is the big bad

Jon is an idiot, he's a bit slow

His second theory for the unknowing is that It's just going to destroy all knowledge revolving the Elder gods, hence the unknowing, the one he thought the least likely

And third, It somehow increases their powers so that the few people that would recognise them, no longer do. Levelling up in short. Thinks it would work for every entity

Doesn't think The Unknowing would be that big of a shift

The circus and the stranger were different because the Circus dealt with the "Freak show"

Thinks Rayner isn't dead

Dust devils

Dirt zombies

Has only made the connection between the Underground, the pit and the dust storm

Was the kid in the car Michael

Was Michael always the Spiral but just really liked working with Gertrude

Michael is the Spiral, he doesn't worship anything

Elias took Gertrude from him, now he's after revenge

Jon should go chill with everyone at the Archive

Jon should have a sword

While you were busy not having a paranoid breakdown I studied the blade

Michael has a crush on Gertrude

He has a granny kink, he is obsessed with making it all kink related

Michael originally gave his powers away to be with Gertrude

Michael took on this form because he could blend in or brag

He's a monster with a thing for Gertrude

Michael wasn't the same Michael as in the tape

Just trying to trick everyone

Lynne Hammond was lying, goes in line with the church of the lightless flame but it didn't happen

Maybe she heard something similar but it didn't actually happen to her, she was just trying to get some money

He actually feels bad for Tim

Tim should run

John Smith was half telling the truth.

People are in the tunnel's but it's not a government conspiracy

Tim doesn't deserve this

You can tell Basira is used to dealing with idiots

Liked that it cut out when Robin Lennox said let me start again, it's like the archive was trying to make it stop

Thinks the archive doesn't care what is being read to it, someone should read it the Lord of the Ringd

The archive is recording the tape recorders not Elias

Get the dog out

Michael was the crying man, he wanted the dog out

He doesn't want to hurt the dog

"Gertrude why did you leave me? I'll get you one day Elias" based on his Michael granny kink theory

Brian Finlinson was the most coherent in terms of links

Thinks that the spiders were actually there, hiding whenever anyone came around

Lynne is lying, John Smith is half telling the truth, Robin Lennox saw Michael having a breakdown, Brian Finlinson was telling the truth

He didn't remember Peter Lukas ever being mentioned before

Already shipping Peter and Elias

Michael is very sensitive

The Fairchild's and the Lukas' are working together

They don't seem to have an interest in the conflict going on between everyone else

The Fairchild's were in aerospace and Lukas was the ships

Still cthulhu

Even space had a cthulhu vibe

The depth of the ocean or the isolation of space

The Lukas and the archive are working together

There are some of these guys that don't want the entities on this side

Likes the power, doesn't want the full on entities here

The Lukas and the Fairchild's are the cthulhus

They're somewhat working with the archive/the beholding

Is Elias actually a Lukas? Decided yes because he and Peter are married

How much do the Lukas have to do with the Beholding

What sort of arrangement do they have?

Nikola was supposed to be part of the circus but there is a difference between the facimalies and the circus

Thinks that the archive burning down would have no downsides for the Beholding.

They'll summon a god and gazing upon it will kill everyone, everyone dies.

As he was now halfway through the series he explained who he thought was in each of these factions

The beholding, Elias, Martin, Tim, basira, daisy, sims, melanie, sasha, Rosie, Gertrude, leitner. Sasha is caught in a time loop...

The stranger, everyone, has no limits, The maniquein, the taxidermy, the circus, skin walkers, grifters bone, breekon and Hope,  angler fish

The desolation, the cult of the lightless flame, Jims pims aka Jude Perry, Agnes,

People's Church of the divine host, Rayner, Rayner have something to do with the German crypt, Rayner Is also not dead

The diggy boys, the buried, Maggie and Gordon from the dump, dig dude from Dig, whatever was going on with the pit, and the dust storm.

Meat, no recurring. The haans that's it.

Buggy boys, spiders, Jane prentiss

Michael, the twisting deceit, the twisting deceit just is Michael, didn't exist before him

The leitners, the witches are using the books, Gérard, Mike crew,

Cthulhu collective, the lukas', the Fairchild's. Both are just isolation, the Fairchild's are all about being alone, the only time the Lukas have turned up are being alone either in space or at sea

The witches, Mary Keay, puzzle witch, have big crossover with the Leitners, they just have some of leitners books

Trevor is his own entity, is he part of the desease and corruption group

The architects, smirke, smirkes apprentice.

Jared is his own thing. Just found a self help book

It's a giant celestial orgy!

Also Came up with a random spinoff comedy again

Slowly the archive collects strange people

Michael, who is mourning Gertrude... Loudly

They found a worm in the tunnel left over from Prentiss

The worm loves gooseberries

That's Elias, we're not sure what he is

Thats the Admiral, it is a cat.... It runs the place

Rayner is sat in the corner giggling

Leitner started a microbrewery in the basement

Serves bud leitner, you can't get leitner than this

[celosiaa]

Submission by @entitynumber5: Hi Connor, I hope you’re having a WONDERFUL birthday and that you get to take a break from studying to do the things you enjoy and just have the lovely day you deserve!!! For this morning’s “write what I like” sprint (trying a new method of getting it all out before I have to put the brain into study mode), I wrote a lil something about 🎃 spooky season birthdays 🎃set in the Emmaverse… which turned out kind of long and a bit sappy. So there is no pressure to read it! I just love these characters :’) the working title is “Martin and Jon get proven wrong by an adorable five year old”.

Content warnings: brief mentions of blood, alcohol and minor injury (in relation to Martin working a Halloween paramedic shift); food.

Emma is obsessed with birthdays. Just not her own.

She turned five in May, and no matter how special they tried to make the day—with rainbow layer cake and carefully-selected presents and a visit to the roller-skating rink with her best friends—she didn’t seem half as excited as when it was someone else’s birthday. She would hardly sleep the night before friends’ parties. She spent hours wrapping the presents she picked for them with ribbons and bows and even confetti stuffed inside the paper. The only time they could encourage her to practice the piano for her weekly lessons was when she played the Happy Birthday song over FaceTime for her friends’ birthdays that were during school holidays.

The only thing Emma seems to have held onto from her own birthday is the notebook given to her Georgie and Melanie. Martin seems to remember there being two: one with little cartoon ghost drawn in the front by Georgie and the other with a scribble of the Admiral by Melanie. But Emma only carries the one around with her everywhere, and Martin is starting to doubt his own memory about there being a duplicate.

She has it with her now, as they sit outside the lecture theatre where Jon is currently teaching. In the too-big chair beside the door, her legs swing as she holds the notebook very close, staring intently at its pages while she wriggles her fluffy purple pen in thought.

“Daddy,” Emma says, in that voice that means she has a Very Serious Question, “When is your birthday?”

Martin is still a little dazed from nearly a week of night shifts. It’s the first time in six days that he hasn’t been working or sleeping at this time in the afternoon, and while walking with Emma to Jon’s work to surprise him at the end of the day seemed like a nice idea in practice, he really wishes he was lying on the sofa. They could be watching Peppa Pig for the thousandth time. Or getting started on dinner, which he isn’t going to let Jon make after a long day of teaching. He’s been mentally calculating how many hours it is until he can go to bed, how many tasks he has to do before then.

This feels like a selfish thought, though, and he pushes it aside quickly in favour of smiling at Emma. “My birthday?”

“Yes,” Emma replies, still very grave, “That’s what I said. At school today, Miss Jones made us all put stickers on the big calendar on the wall for our birthdays. I wrote down all of my friends’ birthdays.”

“That’s nice.”

“And now I want to write down yours.”

“Okay, well, my birthday is next month.”

Emma frowns. “Next month. That’s…” she counts on her fingers until she seems to reach the answer she’s looking for. “October?”

“It is!” Martin grins. “Well done.”

Emma’s little frown doesn’t ease. “What day?”

“Well, do you know how many days are in October?”

Emma thinks. Shakes her head.

“There are thirty-one days in October,” Martin tells Emma, “And my birthday is on the very last day.”

Emma nods and returns to her notebook, slowly enunciating the words as she writes them down: “Oc-to-ber three-one.”

Martin wonders if Emma realises his birthday coincides with Halloween. Besides birthdays, she still doesn’t seem too interested in dates, no matter how many times her teacher makes her write them at the top of every page in her workbook. And during previous years, they celebrated Martin’s birthday the day before or after Halloween itself, so they can separate the two events, although perhaps she doesn’t remember.

Before Martin can ask, the door of the lecture theatre opens and students start filing out. Emma puts away her notebook and pen, her frown of concentration replaced by a glowing smile as she waits, bouncing excitedly in the chair, for her Baba to notice them waiting just outside.

*

“Jon,” Martin whisper-shouts as he tiptoes into the house after his shift, hoping he doesn’t wake Emma—but that his husband knows it’s urgent. “Jon, Jon, Jon.”

Jon emerges from the kitchen, wearing a pair of yellow washing up gloves dripping soap suds and a look of alarm. “What’s wrong?”

Martin ushers him back into the kitchen and shuts the door as quietly as possible, hoping it won’t wake Emma—or, worse yet, the cats, who will sit outside any closed door and cry to be let inside no matter what activity they were engaged in before.

“Martin,” Jon says, “What’s going on?”

“They just released the shifts for the next few weeks,” Martin replies, “And I’m working.”

“Well, good. I should hope so.”

“On my birthday.”

Jon’s expression merges into one of comprehension: Emma. And her newfound obsession with birthdays. “Ah.”

“Yep.”

“I don’t suppose you could swap shifts with someone?” Jon asks.

Martin sits down at the table, lowering his head into his hands. He wants to shower, change out of his paramedic uniform, but he knows he won’t be able to focus on anything else until they’ve had this conversation. “No one’s going to willingly take a Halloween shift. For a start, Andrew is terrified of clowns. And people are usually drunk, and it’s actually really hard to tell the difference between real and fake blood.”

“We could celebrate the day after,” Jon says, taking off the washing up gloves and sitting opposite Martin. He reaches across the table to take Martin’s hand. “I mean, you were born five minutes before midnight. It wouldn’t be a lie so much as a… slight shifting of the truth.”

“Jonathan Sims.” Martin gapes across the table at him. “Are you suggesting we lie to our daughter?”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“No, Martin,” Jon says again, “I’m simply suggesting we separate your birthday from Halloween, as we have done every year, and not draw attention to the fact because our daughter is currently obsessed with other peoples’ birthdays.”

“And it might upset her if she knew we were actually celebrating on the wrong day.”

“Exactly.”

Martin sighs. “I don’t know. It feels… sort of wrong.”

“Apparently, children under the age of seven have no concept of the passing of time and—”

“Did Tim tell you that?”

“No.”

“Oh, god. It wasn’t Helen, was it? Please tell me you haven’t been having philosophical discussions about parenting with Helen again.”

“Martin,” Jon interrupts, “It was in the parenting book you gave me.”

“Huh. I don’t remember that chapter. Oh, god, maybe I should re-read it. The whole thing. Beginning to end. I—”

“Martin.” Jon squeezes his hand. “You deserve a day of your own. Tim and Sasha already agreed to take Emma trick-or-treating on Halloween. She will be focused on that for most of the day; she’s already talking about how excited she is. Let us spend the day after that treating you to all the wonderful things you deserve on your birthday—and every day.”

Martin manages a small smile, although every instinct inside of him is telling him not to accept Jon’s proposal. Not because he is worried about the ethics of manipulating their daughter’s concept of time—although this is a concern, too—but because he doesn’t want Jon to feel like he has to do any of this. To make a whole day about him, even if he takes great pleasure and care in doing the same for Jon on his birthday.

“Thanks, Jon,” Martin murmurs.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Now, why don’t you go and have a warm shower? I’ve put the hot water on so it shouldn’t run out while you’re in there this time.”

Martin smirks. “Are you saying I smell?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” Martin presses, teasing now. “Because I did have to treat a farmer who’d been kicked by one of his cows this evening.”

“Okay, alright, yes. Yes, you smell. Please go and have a shower.”

Martin laughs and gets up from the table. “I’m going, I’m going.”

“That really is disgusting, Martin.”

“It’s actually a pretty funny story. About the farmer, I mean. He’s fine, by the way. I’ll tell you about it when I’m out of the shower.”

Jon shakes his head. “Why today, of all days, have you abandoned the notion of showering before you sit down at the dinner table?”

“I had something important to tell you!”

“Fine. Alright.” Jon shakes his head again. “Now please have a shower. For your sake as much as mine.”

“Love you,” Martin sing-songs as he exits the kitchen. He hears Jon’s gentle laugh chase him into the warmth of the bathroom, where Jon has put on the radiator and left him a fresh towel. He smiles, feeling his love for Jon balloon in his chest, and settles into the sensation being home.

*

Martin’s Halloween—and birthday—shift is so busy that he barely has time to check his phone. Tim has sent an album of photos of him, Sasha and Emma out trick-or-treating, dressed as Mike, Sulley and Boo from Monsters, Inc. Jon has been updating him on the number of trick-or-treaters who have visited their house (fifty-four, as of ten thirty p.m.), and how Iris and the cats are holding up with the constant ringing of the doorbell.

On his break, Martin quickly texts Tim to watch his glucose levels and not to forget his insulin (to which Tim replies yes, sir with a number of yellow heart emojis). He also texts Sasha to say she can take home any of the Skittles they get on their expedition, since they’re her favourite but Emma hates them. He tells Jon he loves him and to give Iris a pet on his behalf and that there’s some spare sweets under the sink, if they’re running low. Then it’s back to work.

The shift passes quickly, in the end. There is so much to do and no time to think about anything other than their patients. He does get given a toffee apple by someone dressed as a Minion at a student house party, and he narrowly avoids getting his face painted by twins who are the same age as Emma while his team are checking their mother’s twisted ankle after a fall trying to get to the door in time for a last-minute delivery of sweets. It’s not an awful shift, but it is, like always, exhausting and difficult in the same measure as it’s rewarding and hopeful.

By the time he gets home, all he wants to do is sleep. Emma is tucked into bed, fast asleep, while her nightlight projects solar systems onto the ceiling. Jon, too, is sleeping soundly with the cats for company. Iris barely looks up from her bed when he comes inside, but she gives a little wag of her tail each time he passes down the hallway to shower or get a drink of water. There’s a plastic pumpkin full of Emma’s sweets on the table, next to the empty bowl that had once been full of treats to hand out to their visitors.

Martin’s smiles—it looks like a night well-spent for his family—and this thought carries him through an exhausted shower before he crawls into bed next to Jon. Jon must be tired, too, because he doesn’t stir. Martin makes a mental note to check his joints aren’t playing up from all the getting up and down from the sofa during the trick-or-treat visits.

Sometime later, Martin wakes to the soft click of the door as it opens. He squints against the light bursting around the edges of the still-shut curtains, expecting to see Jon tiptoeing to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Instead, Emma is creeping inside, holding a tray of pancakes while Jon follows behind, balancing two cups of tea.

“Happy birthday!” Emma says, as she places the tray down on the bed next to Martin. “We made spooky pancakes!”

Martin rubs the sleep from his eyes and sits up fully. He glances at the alarm clock next to the bed: 11:42 a.m. He’s been asleep for just over six hours, but it somehow feels longer and yet not enough. “It’s not—”

Jon clears his throat.

“Oh. Oh, thank you, Emma! These are wonderful.”

The pancakes are, indeed, spooky. Emma has used a pumpkin cookie cutter to shape them and then drawn on funny faces with fruit and syrup. No longer responsible for balancing the tray, Emma looks at Jon, a little uncertain, and Jon nods in encouragement as he places their cups of tea down on the bedside table.

“I made you a present,” Emma says almost shyly.

Martin smiles gently at her. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you, Emma.”

Emma pulls something off the tray. It’s the second notebook, the one Martin thought he’d imagined, wrapped in a glittery silver ribbon and some confetti streamers. She offers it to Martin, and he takes it carefully, holding it as if it might fall apart in his hands.

“You can open it,” Emma tells him seriously.

Martin unwraps the ribbon. Emma takes it from him, along with the confetti, perhaps to reuse for another present. Slowly, Martin cracks open the notebook to the first page. There is Georgie’s ghoulish sketch, alongside a new inscription in Emma’s handwriting: Sorted Poems By Emma K. Blackwood-Sims. For Daddy’s Birthday. October 31.

Martin feels something tender and soft unfurl in his chest, until he’s certain he is going to cry. He begins to flick through the pages, but Emma says: “Wait!”

Martin stops. “What is it?”

“Look.” Emma climbs on to the bed, elbowing her way into the space next to him, and reaches across Martin to open the notebook on the first page again, where her inscription is. She points at her name.

“It’s meant to say assorted poems,” Jon says, “But neither of us were sure how to spell it.”

Martin laughs, the sound a little wet and shaky with the tears he can feel building. Jon hates spelling. It’s his least favourite type of homework to help Emma with.

“Look,” Emma says again, “I wrote my name like yours!”

Martin smiles. “Blackwood-Sims? But that’s your name, too.”

“No,” Emma insists, “Emma K Blackwood-Sims. Like you! Like a proper poet.”

“Oh,” Martin murmurs, “Oh.”

He’s sure he and Jon will laugh about this later. Martin doesn’t actually have a middle name. Emma does, but it certainly doesn’t begin with K. But right now, he feels tears on his cheeks as he takes in his daughter’s hard work.

Emma reaches for his face, patting away his tears with the palms of her hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise,” Martin replies, sniffling in an attempt to draw back the tears, “I’m happy. And I love you so, so much.”

Emma frowns. “Will pancakes make you feel better?”

“I’m alright, Emma. I promise. These are happy tears.”

“Pancakes always make me feel better,” Jon announces, climbing onto the other side of the bed and sliding back underneath the covers. He settles Emma down in the middle of them, handing her a mug full of juice. She doesn’t drink tea yet, but she doesn’t like to be left out when they do, so she has her own mug.

“These look wonderful,” Martin tells them, arranging the tray so they can all reach. Emma takes a plate and hands it to Jon, then does the same for Martin, before grabbing the final one for herself. “You’re getting very good at pancakes.”

“Baba said we can learn French toast next,” Emma says.

“Wow. That’s big.”

Emma nods. “It’s more difficult than normal toast.”

Martin chuckles. “It certainly is.”

They distribute the pumpkin-shaped pancakes between them. While they eat in bed, they tell each other stories about their Halloween night. Jon talks about the costumes of the people who visited their house, how many compliments they got on their pumpkin carving skills. Emma narrates her trick-or-treating adventure with Tim and Sasha. Martin shares the safest tales of his nightshift, the funny costumes he saw and the extravagant decorations at the parties they visited.

Martin is exhausted again by the time they’ve finished the pancakes. Jon insists on taking their empty plates back to the kitchen and making them another cup of tea, while Emma snuggles against Martin’s side. She rests her head on his shoulder.

“I know it’s not your birthday, Daddy,” Emma whispers.

Half-asleep until now, Martin grunts himself awake. “What was that, sweetheart?”

“I know it’s not really your birthday,” Emma tells him, not moving from where she’s clinging to his arm, “Your birthday was yesterday. On Halloween.”

“Oh, Emma, we—”

“It’s okay,” Emma says, “It’s like when we had a party on Saturday even though my birthday was on Wednesday because I had school.”

“Yeah.” Martin stokes his hand through Emma’s hair. “It is a bit like that.”

“I still get to say happy birthday.”

“You do.”

“But can we have a party on the right day next year?” Emma asks.

“For your birthday?”

“No, for your birthday.”

“Oh.” Martin laughs. “Yes. It might not be a party, if I have to work again, but we can do this. This is lovely. Thank you for being so thoughtful. And I’m excited to read your poems.”

“Baba said they were good.”

“Well, that’s high praise indeed.”

“It was fun.”

“That’s good. That’s what matters most when you make things.“

Emma wriggles around until she’s grinning up at him. “Can I read your poems now?”

Martin sighs, barely supressing a laugh. This isn’t the first time she’s asked. “Emma.”

She sticks her bottom lip out, pouting in a way that breaks Martin’s heart to the point where he can never turn her down when she’s looking at him like this. “Please.”

“Alright,” Martin gives in, “I’ll read you one tonight. Before bed.”

“Yay!” Emma’s grin grows even wider. "Thank you, Daddy.”

“Thank you. And I love you very, very much.”

“Love you, too.”

They settle back down. Martin dozes a little again, a smile on his face, as he thinks about telling Jon later that their daughter very much does understand the concept of time. There really are some things parenting books don’t prepare you for—like the way his love seems to grow with each day he gets with Emma and Jon, even when he thinks it’s impossible, that he already loves them more than any person can.

Some things are gifts even when they are not given as such, and Martin is beginning to allow himself to think of his life with his daughter and his husband as one. He didn’t ask for it with words or lists. He doesn’t know, even now, if he deserves it. But it’s his. And he will treasure it always.

Not featured: Martin realising what he’s agreed to and frantically trying to find a non-angsty poem he can read to his five-year-old daughter. Jon thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

<3

[bobbystompy]

91 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2020

Below are my favorite quotes from 2020. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “You don’t have to be new to make new.” - Rick Rubin

2) “He put the beat on and go to sleep then wake up with a verse.” - The Lox

3) “Every opinion is bad.” - Blink-155

4)

(via Twitter)

5) “At the start of every disaster movie, there’s a scientist being ignored.”

6) “Be brave enough to suck at something new.”

7) “Comedy is the only job you can have where you can use everything you know” - Robin Williams via Dave Chappelle

8) “What’s the worst swear word where you live?” - Josiah Hughes

9) “Cookies are a really great way to get everybody to like you for a short period of time” - YSAC

10) “The worst dancer at a wedding is the one who’s not dancing.” - John Mulaney

11) “I never saw the end of the tunnel. I only saw myself running out of one." - Kobe Bryant

12) "A good movie begins as you're walking out of the theater" - Ethan Hawke

13) “When I was young and starting in cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart which is, 'The most personal is the most creative.’ That quote was from our great Martin Scorsese.” - Bong Joon-ho

14) “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow” - River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix

15) “Thank you -- I will drink until next morning.” - Bong Joon-ho

16) “Men will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat.” - @krauter_

17) “They help you with the dumb face stuff, but they don’t tell you how to fix it” - Adam (Nate’s friend), on having older sisters

18) “We all had our connections, but it’s not the details themselves that matter, it’s the feeling behind them. There are a million coming-of-age tales. Lady Bird’s secret sauce is how deeply its creator gave a shit. The older I get, the less I care about anything but the sense of a filmmaker’s personal connection to the material. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, what genre it is, or whether it’s genre at all. I only really care that it feels like something the filmmaker had to tell me, and that it was that filmmaker in particular who had to tell it. It has to answer the ‘why are you telling me this’ question, and not just why are you telling me, but why are you telling me.

Lady Bird is a movie that feels like only Greta Gerwig could’ve made. And it’s only because it’s so specific to her that it can be so meaningful to so many people.” - Vince Mancini

19) "I have cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns. But I do not feel lonely now.” - Bernie Sanders

20) “Ever hear a Beatles song you haven’t heard before?”

21) “Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” - Charles Bukowski

22) “You shouldn’t have to hear a band to know if they’re good or not” - Josiah Hughes

23) “I was raised by OGs.  Some of you were raised by IG.  I understand.” - Ice-T

* * *

[Here is where I note the line of demarcation that was the COVID-19 pandemic hitting the US, pushed forward by Tom Hanks’ announcement, the NBA and NCAA shutting down, and, then, the nation itself.]

* * *

24) “There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.” - Vladimir Lenin

25) "Taken together, this is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes. The president’s disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any president has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious." - Peter Wehner

26) "Epidemics have a way of revealing underlying truths about the societies they impact." - Anne Applebaum

27) “A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a ‘let’s circle back’ guy — who knew?” - Laura Norkin

28) 

(Jojo Rabbit)

29) “The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. - Deadwood: The Movie

30) “All bleeding stops eventually.” - Deadwood: The Movie

31) “Our Father, which art in heaven… / Let him fucking stay there” - Deadwood: The Movie

32) “It’s like a power outage, but we still have power” - Ryen Russillo, on the pandemic

33) “Whenever Sox baseball returns, it’ll be weird to not have Farmer on the call any more. The relationship between a fan and longtime announcer is always built in the little moments. One afternoon, he’s the soundtrack as you clean the garage. On another night, he’s your bookmark for the game as you stand in line for churros or walk down the ramps at Sox Park to try for better seats in the 100 level. A voice like Farmer’s becomes so familiar that you only really notice when it’s no longer there.” - Kevin Kaduk, on the passing of Ed Farmer

34) 

(via Twitter)

35) “In my songs, I try to look through someone else’s eyes, and I want to give the audience a feeling more than a message” - John Prine

36) “Observe everything. Admire nothing.” - Generation Kill

37) “Trump, by that definition, has always been a wartime president -- always willing to sacrifice people he doesn’t know to things he only sort of cares about” - David Roth

38) "Whenever they speak Michael Jordan, they should speak Scottie Pippen." - Michael Jordan

39) "Fiction is a bridge to the truth that journalism can't reach." - Hunter S. Thompson

40) “Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.” - Mike Dentale

41) “Sometimes you can be the worst source of your own story” - Ryen Russillo

42) “Family is not necessarily blood, but instead who you would bleed for.”

43)

(via Twitter)

44) "This is the deal that Jordan made, knowingly or unknowingly — that he would trade everything he had for everything he wanted. And then, when he won all those things, he found that he had nothing but that.” - David Roth

45) “I’m brand loyal, but the brand doesn’t matter” - Caitie Miller, on why she doesn’t like generic peanut butter

46) “NOBODY shitposts Gene Hackman!!” - Mark Dehlinger

47) “When a man concludes that any stick is good enough to beat his foe with—that is when he picks up a boomerang.” - G.K. Chesterton

48) “You can be appalled forever, but shocked only once.” - Jeff Weiss, on early Eminem

49) “Whether I’m pessimistic or optimistic, the fight’s the same” - David Simon

50) “Freedom can never be completely won, but it can be lost.” - Bernard Simon

51) “Racism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible — even if you’re choking on it — until you let the sun in. Then you see it’s everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands.” -Kareem Abdul Jabbar

52) “In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist -- we must be anti-racist.” - Angela Davis

53) “Start as close to the end as possible” - Kurt Vonnegut, on creative writing

54) “You can’t stay woke all the time — that’s insomnia.” - Dr. Cornel West

55) “No, I get it. I’ve dated a lot of Geminis.”

56) “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” - John Krakauer, Into The Wild (via Tyler Keller)

57) "I couldn't show them my For You because it's pretty much just lesbian stuff and depression memes" - Maggie Loesch, on showing TikTok to her coworkers

58) "It's 1 a.m. in Slovakia and I've already had one bottle of wine and I don't know how long this press conference will go, so good luck to me." - Marian Hossa, following his NHL Hall of Fame announcement

59) “All I want in life is to go on an Anguilla group trip” - Mandy Gilkes

60) “You miss old friends when you don’t see them, but you miss them more when you do.” - Chuck Klosterman

61) “The only way to appreciate the present is to pretend it’s already the past.” - Chuck Klosterman

62) Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

(”Everybody's Free [To Wear Sunscreen]”)

Second time that essay’s been quoted on this list.

64) "I mean, it's just human nature to suck up to the people above you, crap on those beneath you, and undercut your equals” - Brian, Family Guy

65) “You never quit a job. You quit a manager.” - Brian Bedford

66) “All the pictures in my house are of people I’m not friends with” - Tracy Cunningham

67) “In order to leave something behind, you have to leave.” - Dr. Herman, Grey’s Anatomy

68) 

(via Twitter)

69) “You can obsess about death if you don’t have to obsess about dying.” - Brendan Kelly via “White Noise”

70) “If it’s right to do, it’s wrong to wait.” - Andy, doorman 

71)

72) “When I'm sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, 'When there are nine,' people are shocked. But there'd been nine men, and nobody's ever raised a question about that.” - Ruth Bader Ginsburg

73) "America is mostly people who’ve never left their state saying we have the best country in the world." - Billy Wayne Davis

74) “A writer is someone who knows at least 80% of their writing sucks.” - Gabe Hudson

75) 

(via Twitter)

76) “You’re dead twice” - Brendan Kelly

77) “Perfect is the enemy of good” - Voltaire (via Zach Lowe)

78) “I don’t want to be a savior, I want to be a mirror.” - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

79) “I get bad Twitter FOMO but not real life FOMO. That just goes to show I need to get off the Internet.” - Josh Thomas

80) “Is there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?" - Sam Sutherland, on his relationship with Blink-182

81) “My favorite genre of music is my friends' bands" - Josiah Hughes

82) “Let’s fall in love like both our parents aren’t divorced.”

83) “Seabiscuit may be the only earthling that was on both sides of the stamp.” - Brendan Kelly

84) “There’s no shame in coming in second, except in, like, wars.” - Family Guy

85) “I feel like I experience writer’s block 100% of the time, and when I do write, I have impostor syndrome.” - Phoebe Bridgers

86) “We teach based on what we most need to learn.” - psychologist on Grey’s Anatomy

87) “Having too many choices is the leading cause of stress” - Grey’s Anatomy

88) “I think we've all gravely underestimated the extent to which this year has changed all of us, permanently” - Kelli Maria Korducki

89) 

(via Twitter)

90) “I wonder if people understand why they don’t have polio” - Sandra E. Garcia

91) “Ending songs is terrible, so let’s keep singing” - Dave Hernandez

[hanscom]

reddie enemies to lovers

(I keep trying to convince myself to finish this, but it hasn’t happened yet and it’s been over a year since I started it. So here, have some hockey enemies to friends nonsense.

Fair warning: this is the same game as we all know and love, but the ins and outs of professional hockey detailed here are made up. I don’t know the specifics about what goes on off the ice, okay? Correct me if you must, but I highly encourage you to just embrace the fact that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Also, I love you all, still and forever. Thanks for following me even after all this time.)

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak Rating: T Word count: 2,948

It’s cold in the arena.

It’s worse, down on the ice. The air is sharp and stinging on his face, in his lungs. His skates are steady under his feet. The lights are blazing overhead. He can’t smell much except the sweaty inside of his helmet, but he imagines it smells like popcorn and hoppy beer. It smells like game day. It smells like home.

Richie doesn’t think there could be anything better than this.

He’s skating backwards around the rink, gliding fast across the freshly buffed ice, content in the knowledge that no one is going to run into him. His team has gotten pretty good at working around him. They’re starting to become a pretty effortless unit, for the most part. It’s something Richie is pretty fucking proud of.

He whooshes past Ben and around one of the rookies, shouting joyful nonsense that echoes off the ice. They yell back at him, but he can’t make out the words over the sound of his skates and the blood rushing in his ears.

And then Stan skates out from the tunnel and into his way. Richie twists fast to the side, digging down, slowing to a quick stop. Ice sprays up under his blades. Stan, unimpressed as always, doesn’t move. “Are you done showing off?” he asks, his mouthguard hanging from his helmet. The only time he ever takes it out on the ice is to give Richie a hard time.

“What’s that?” Richie says. “I can’t hear you from down there.”

Stan is the smallest guy on the team. He’s almost a solid foot shorter than Richie, and he’s constantly sore as fuck about it. Richie doesn’t get it. If Stan were any bigger, any less quick on his feet, he wouldn’t be half the player he is. Stan’s a winger. His entire hockey career revolves around being fast. And, anyway, Richie’s kind of big for a centerman, but you don’t hear him bitching about it.

They’re close to the goal. Mike is standing there in the crease, suited up, his hulking equipment making him look massive. “Are we really doing this again?” he calls, but he’s laughing about it.

Richie digs his skates in, gliding an easy circle around the goal. “We sure are,” he says, grinning. “You know Stan plays a better game when he’s pissed off.”

“I could play a better game than you in a coma,” Stan shouts. His face is red, some combination of cold air and actual anger. Stan’s normally a pretty level-headed guy, but Richie gets under his skin, shakes him up, makes him mad. His game has gotten a thousand times more aggressive since they met. Bill sometimes jokes about putting him on defense, but he never will. Stan as Richie’s left wing is pretty much the only reason the Portland Pioneers ever score.

It’s not that their right wing is bad, exactly. He’s just… not good. Richie can say that. He’s not the captain, like Bill. He’s not even an alternate, like Stan and Ben. He doesn’t have to be diplomatic. He doesn’t have to play nice. Hockey’s not a nice sport. Hockey’s about being fast and smart and violent. Right winger Patrick Hockstetter might be mean as hell, but he’s also slow as fuck and dumb as a box of rocks. Richie can work with a lot of things, but he can’t fix stupid.

But Richie’s trying not to think about it. He doesn’t need to go into the game expecting Patrick to fuck it up for them (again). It’s bad luck. And Albany’s a good team. Richie has to focus if he’s going to pull this one out.

—

The Pioneers lose in overtime, which is devastating. Losing always sucks, but it’s even worse, watching Albany celebrate on their ice.

Afterward, the locker room is quiet for a long time, aside from the five minutes Coach spends yelling at them for their admittedly awful performance. When he retreats back to his office, the team slowly strips out of their equipment, made sluggish by defeat. They’re all tired. Richie is already starting to ache, his body finally registering all the time he spent up against the boards. Bill and Ben are in even worse shape. Both of them already have bruises blooming across their ribs, across their backs. Albany played rough. The Pioneers haven’t had to fight that dirty in a long time. It makes the loss feel even worse, somehow.

Richie has just finished dragging on his street clothes when Bill finally speaks up. He has changed into the full three-piece suit he wears to impress the media circus waiting outside for him, and his hair is still damp from the shower. He looks sort of ridiculous, standing there in full monkey costume in front of the team, who are all in various states of undress. But he’s still the captain, so when Bill tells them to listen up, they do.

“You guys played really hard tonight,” he says. He’s trying to sound light-hearted, uplifting, but Richie has known him for a long time now. He’s just as crushed by the loss as everyone else — probably more so. There’s a small waver in his voice that says it all. “I know this isn’t the outcome we wanted, but that doesn’t change how well you all played.”

Richie looks down. It’s sort of worse, knowing they did well but lost anyway. They gave it their all, but it wasn’t good enough. It fucking sucks. Richie sort of wants to punch something. He sort of wants to sleep for a few days straight.

He really, really, really wants a right winger who can shoot a decent shot.

It’s not a very charitable thought. Patrick has played worse games than this one. But Richie’s too tired to play nice, and he can’t stop replaying all the shots they missed, all the times he was open and so was the goal but the puck was nowhere to be found and neither was Patrick.

Richie thinks, without meaning to, about Albany’s right winger. Thinks about the way he had sped across the ice, faster than Richie, faster even than Stan. He’d played a good game. A damn good game. Richie sort of really hates him for it, which isn’t fair. It’s not that guy’s fault Richie doesn’t have a solid line. But he is most of the reason Albany scored and scored and scored again, so Richie reserves the right to hate him, just a little.

Stan and Mike ask him out for a drink, but he declines. He wouldn’t be good company, and besides, he’s beat. So he bids them goodbye and leaves out the back, ball cap pulled low over his eyes to hopefully deter anyone from recognizing him. It works. He gets home without incident, makes himself a late dinner, and flips on the TV to watch a few highlights, because he’s an obsessive masochist. Pittsburgh beats Chicago, then Nashville loses to Dallas, and then he’s watching himself skate furiously down the length of the Pioneers’ rink. He groans, but doesn’t fumble for the remote. Helplessly, hopelessly, he watches Patrick lag behind. He watches Albany’s defense wrestle the puck away without much of a fight. He watches that tiny fucking demon of a right winger swoop in, taking control of the puck with an ease Richie can’t help but admire. God, the guy’s good.

The announcers call him Eddie Kaspbrak. The name sounds familiar, in the way that all good players sound familiar. Richie can only watch so many highlights in a night without picking up on a few things, and this is clearly not the first beautiful pass Kaspbrak has ever made. Richie makes a face and finally shuts the television off. He doesn’t need to relive Kaspbrak’s seamless pass to center, that perfect shot down the crease, the way Mike’s knee guards slapped to the ice a split-second too late. It was hard enough to watch in real time.

One day, he’s going to have a right wing like Kaspbrak, who can keep up and knows how to bank a shot. But today isn’t that day, so he gives up and goes to bed, upset and pissed off and stoking his quiet, irrational grudge against Eddie Kaspbrak.

—

Trade negotiations roll around. Richie tries not to worry about it, but he does. Everyone does.

In the end, it’s Patrick. Which isn’t surprising, exactly, but feels so much like everything Richie has ever wanted that it scares him. He finds himself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In late February, two weeks before the trade deadline, it does. Bill makes the announcement after a rough, sweaty afternoon practice. Richie is tired as fuck, still breathing heavy, but all the air jams up in his throat when Bill breaks the news.

The Portland Pioneers have acquired Eddie Kaspbrak.

—

Kaspbrak, in person and without all his gear, is even smaller than he looks on the ice.

He’s younger-looking than Richie expects. They’re the same age, but Richie has taken a few good hits over the years that have knocked his face a little out of whack. He has a crooked nose, twisted teeth. The entire left side of his jaw had to be painstakingly rebuilt three years ago when he took a puck to the face, which left his smile sort of lopsided.

Eddie doesn’t look like he’s ever taken a hit. He has a smooth, even face. Nice teeth. He’s good-looking, is all Richie’s saying. Richie didn’t expect it. He’s not sure why it catches him off-guard.

They meet for the first time off the ice the day the Pioneers are scheduled to play Carolina. Morning skate is optional, but Richie drags himself in anyway because Bill expects him to, and Richie’s a sucker who doesn’t want to disappoint his captain, even after all this time. It’s not even that early when he stumbles in but he feels bleary and sluggish, pulling on his gear without participating much in the locker talk. Stan tries to rile him up a few times, but gives up fast when Richie refuses to take the bait. Mike nudges him when he walks past. “Rough night?” he asks, grinning like he knows the answer. Richie spent his night with a microwaved pizza and the highlights reel, but that’s nobody’s damn business, so he shrugs.

And then Bill comes out of Coach’s office. The team doesn’t exactly snap to attention whenever he’s around, but the chatter dies down to a dull murmur. Especially when someone follows him out.

Kaspbrak is wearing street clothes — sneakers, jeans, a fucking polo shirt. Richie wonders if that’s the sort of thing he always wears or if he dressed up for them. He looks more comfortable than he probably should, standing in front of a group of strangers who, up until this point, have only known him as an opponent. He’s smiling. He is just — really good-looking. Richie is sort of hung up on it.

“This,” Bill announces, “is Eddie. He’s going to practice with us this morning.”

The season hasn’t even officially ended. Patrick got pulled from the roster when the trade was announced, but he’s still around. His locker’s not even empty. Richie doesn’t like the guy or anything, but that has to be a tough pill to swallow. Richie can’t even imagine what being replaced like that would feel like.

On the other hand, he really, really wants to get out on the ice with Kaspbrak. He wants to see what the guy can do, up close and personal.

It’s a tough thing, being both impressed and annoyed by the sight of someone. It’s made worse by the way Bill stares him down until he manages to force a smile in Eddie’s direction. Kaspbrak grins back at him, easy. His teeth are stupidly perfect. None of them are chipped or anything. Richie can’t remember the last time he met a hockey player with a perfect face. Something about it freaks him out.

Bill claps Eddie on the shoulder. “Welcome to the team,” he says. Most of the guys echo the sentiment. Richie mumbles something that sounds close enough and finishes lacing up his skates.

He doesn’t have to play nice with Kaspbrak. He just has to play well with Kaspbrak. There’s a big difference, and Richie is clinging stubbornly to it.

—

The thing is, Kaspbrak is really fucking good.

Richie knew. Of course he knew. He hardly ever lets the losses get to him, because God knows there have been too many to remember them all over the years, but he’s been hung up on the Albany game for months now. He’s watched the playback more than once, and has most of Albany’s season saved to his DVR.

But it’s different in person. Kaspbrak is so fast. So steady on his feet. Richie hasn’t been impressed by something as simple as skating since he was a kid, but the way Kaspbrak does it shakes him up. The guy skates like a dream. Richie is so jealous, and so impressed, and so fucking confused. He’s spent the better part of the season hating this guy, and now he’s here, gliding around Richie in wide circles, lapping Bill and Ben and even Stan, looking like maybe he’s not even making much of an effort.

Morning skate is easy, most of the time. Everyone wants to be at their best for that night’s game, and half the team didn’t even show. But Eddie throws the dynamic off, makes them all a little hot and hungry for some actual play, and before Richie knows it, Mike and his rookie are guarding opposing nets and Richie’s facing off with Bill, staring at him through the grate of his helmet, his mouthguard clenched between his teeth. It’s not a real scrimmage. They don’t have enough players to run a real game. But Richie doesn’t care, because Stan volunteered as Bill’s winger, which left Kaspbrak all for Richie. Richie can feel him, on his right, just outside the face-off circle. Richie has this weird, sudden urge to look back at him, but then the puck is on the ground and there’s no time.

Bill is a vicious center. He’s not as fast as Richie, but he’s stronger. There’s a reason he plays defense. His body is one solid line of muscle, and he’s not afraid of using it. He shoulder-checks Richie, almost knocks him off balance with the force of it, but Richie bares his teeth and refuses to give up ground. Bill is probably a better player than Richie is in the long run, but Richie is the best center the team has ever had. He wrestles the puck out of Bill’s reach and bears down on the ice, shooting across the rink. Eddie is ahead of him. Richie hasn’t had a winger faster than him in so long he almost forgets to make the pass.

Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He moves like a blur, so fast it’s hard to keep track of his stick against the puck, driving it effortlessly forward. Mike is braced in the crease, his big body held wide, but he’s just not quick enough. Eddie comes at him from the side, bent down, stick jumping from one side of the puck to the other. And then it’s over. One second, he’s barreling down the rink, and the next, the puck is in the net — a perfect backhand shot.

It’s just practice. There’s no cheering, no booming announcement, no music. But Richie feels the same way he always does, his pulse loud in his ears, his heart tight in his chest.

“Kaspbrak!” he roars. “You son of a bitch!”

Eddie has the kind of smile that could melt the ice. He looks so pleased, so proud. Richie skates to him and throws an arm around his shoulder, smacking his helmet.

“We went easy on you!” Stan shouts, because he’s a sore loser.

“You kidding?” Richie yells back. “You couldn’t have caught him if you tried!”

Eddie’s shoulders shake. Richie leans into him, grinning, thrilled beyond measure. They drift a little on the ice, aimless, anchored together.

“It won’t happen again,” Bill says. He’s a competitive motherfucker, which makes him a great player and an even better captain. It won’t be easy, getting the puck away from him again.

Eddie grins up at Richie like maybe he’s up for the challenge.

—

Eddie scores two more times. He insists that they don’t call it a hat trick, considering it’s just practice and he’s scared of jinxing it. Richie doesn’t care what they call it. All he knows is Eddie scored three fucking times, and he assisted all of them. He doesn’t even mind that he wasn’t the one to make the shots. It’s better, almost, watching Eddie do it.

Bill lets morning skate go longer than normal, probably hoping to pull out a single goal, but after awhile he finally calls them off the ice. Richie is dripping with sweat when he peels himself out of his equipment. He didn’t realize how hard he’d been working. It hadn’t felt like much, being out there on the ice, falling into Eddie’s rhythm, into his gravity.

Eddie hangs back while everyone files out, looking around like maybe he’s still taking everything in. His hair is wet from the shower and his face is flushed. Richie nudges him on his way out. “Sure you can’t play with us tonight?” he asks. It’s not possible, but it makes Eddie beam.

“Won’t be long,” Eddie assures him.

Richie doesn’t say so, but he can’t fucking wait.

[just-jordie-things]

All I Want For Christmas (Is You) - Richie Tozier

word count: 5722 warnings: swearing summary: Richie has a bit of a crush on resident Loser (y/n), and everyone else knows it.  He spends most of their annual christmas party getting teased, until finally he’s found a way to make a move (with only a little help from Ben... and a piece of mistletoe) ___

The christmas party was an essential event of the Losers Club.  It was by far the best party they threw, with the presents, the cookie decorating, and the nonstop dancing to christmas music, it was always the best time.

(y/n) and Bev were twirling around in the kitchen to Jingle Bell Rock, waiting for the cookies to cool down enough so they could be frosted.

Eddie and Mike were on present organizing duty, while Bill, Stan, Ben, and Richie, were lounging and doing nothing.  Not that anyone minded.  Eddie had a particular order of passing out gifts, which he’d only trusted Mike’s help with.  And Beverly and (y/n) were always off ditching the boys.

“So, what’d you get (y/n)?” Ben spoke in a bit of a hushed voice.

And even though he hadn’t turned away from his game of checkers with Stanley, they knew that he was talking to Richie.  The boy in question was sprawled on the sofa with his feet kicked up on the armrest, arms folded under his head casually.  He gave Ben a bit of a glare, knowing that this was his way of both teasing him, and prying.

It was a little known fact that Richie had a thing for (y/n).  As in, everyone knew, except for her, or course.  It was honestly a bit of a miracle that she hadn’t figured it out, seeing as the other Losers were always poking fun at him about it.  It’s been months since he’d first admitted to Bill that he was starting to develop feelings for their friend, and the next thing he knew, everyone had heard about it and took it upon themselves to constantly beg him to ask her out.

Thing was, he was pretty sure she didn’t feel the same.  In fact, he was pretty sure she’d never even looked at him as anything more than a friend.  Sure, she was sweet, but she was sweet to everyone.  And she always hugged him goodbye, but she hugged the others too.  And maybe she held his hand that one time at the scary movie, but she was terrified, it’s not like she wanted to hold his hand.

Richie shook his head at the love-obsessed boy on the floor.

“I’m not tellin’ you” He huffed.

“What?” Ben asked, offended by the attitude.  “Why not?”

“Cause” Richie answered bluntly.

“Don’t tell me you’re worried about being teased” Stan snickers, and jumps over one of Ben’s pieces.

“I won’t tease you, promise!” Ben pleads, but Richie just rolls his eyes.  “Please?”

“What’s your fuckin’ deal, man?” Richie asks, “Seriously, what’s with your obsession-?”

“It’s not an obsession,” Ben interrupts, “I just want to see you fall in love with each other”

Bill laughs, which was his first time displaying he was even listening to this conversation.

“That’s d-dumb” He says once his laughter calms down.

“No it isn’t,” Ben argues.  “He obviously likes her a lot-”

“It’s not obvious” Richie grumbles.

“-and maybe if he would just fess up already, she’d tell him that she feels the same way” Ben finishes, and gives an optimistic shrug.

Richie flips him off.

“Ha.  No chance,” Stan snorts.  “What?” He asks innocently when both Ben and Richie gave him a dirty look.  “Richie has never tried to make a move.  He can barely even talk to her, why would she ever take an interest in him if he doesn’t act like he likes her?”

Richie doesn’t say anything, and he would never agree with Stanley out loud.  But he had to admit, there was some logic there.  Why would she like him like that? He had such a hard time keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself when he was around her that he’d distanced himself a bit, maybe even a bit too much…

The boy suddenly shoots up from the sofa, and is out of the living room before anyone can ask where he’s going- not that they don’t have every idea where he’s headed in such a hurry.

(y/n) is giggling uncontrollably when he reaches the kitchen, and the sound alone is enough to make his cheeks and ears burn hot.

He doesn’t even notice Beverly dancing around like a maniac, (y/n) had captured all of his attention.

Her laughter settles when she sees he’s joined them, and she gives him a bright smile.

“Hey,” She greets him, and her smile only widens when she sees how pink his cheeks are.  She found it absolutely adorable when Richie blushes.  “Here to decorate, or eat, because if you eat them all-”

“Decorate” Richie speaks so fast he almost bites his tongue, and he mentally face palms at how stupid he sounds.

Jesus he really had to get control of himself.

“Great!” (y/n) chirps, and moves the tray of sugar cookies to the breakfast bar.  “There’s still a batch in the oven, but if you want to get some started with me you can”

I would decorate a thousand cookies if you asked me to, he thinks.

“Sure” He says.

He takes a seat on the opposite side of the counter she’s standing at, and admires her while she grabs one of the few cans of frosting she’d brought over.

The past four years that they’d thrown a christmas get-together, (y/n) had always brought all the supplies for cookies.  The ingredients, the oven trays, the frosting, the sprinkles- it was her favorite part.  Everyone used to decorate all together, but somewhere along the line, only a couple of their friends helped, and now, it was just her and Beverly.  She never complained, but the more Richie thought about it, the worse he felt for not helping her out more in past years.

Everyone ate the cookies after all, it was her specialty, the least they could do is give her some company while she made them all.

“Trying to figure out what Santa’s gonna bring you this year, Tozier?” (y/n) jokes when she sees the dazed look on his face.

He blinks rapidly, and wills his face not to get hot since she’d caught him staring.

“I was,” He replies, picking up a cookie and one of the knives to spread frosting on it.  “But you could do me one better and just tell me what you got me instead” He says with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

(y/n) lets out a short giggle and shakes her head, spreading frosting over her own cookie.

“Richie, you’ll open it in like, twenty minutes,” She teases.  “Are you that impatient?”

Her eyes meet his for a moment, before quickly glancing back down to her task.

You have no idea how patient I really am, he thinks, but he just laughs, and jokes back with her.

“You could always just let me open it now…” He suggests, and the girl shakes her head.

“You’re something else,” She hums.  “So, what do you want for Christmas anyways?”

“Good fucking grades, I guess” He jokes, and she laughs a bit, but gives him a look.

“Come on, be for real,” She says, placing a white frosted cookie on a separate plate, and picking up another one.  “There’s gotta be something you’re hoping to get”

Richie thinks about it, but he shrugs and puts his cookie next to hers.

“I’m not really crossing my fingers for anything in particular,”

He’s only lying a little bit.  What he really wanted would be a miracle, and there was just no way that it would ever happen.

“But, you know” He shrugs, not finishing his thought.

“Know what?” (y/n) asks with a crinkled brow, wanting to know what he was thinking.

She often wondered what ran through his head in his quiet moments.  It wasn’t often that he was silent, and it had always sparked her curiosity.

“Oh,” Richie looks up to meet her eyes.  She’s halted her actions halfway through frosting a cookie, and there’s an intrigued look on her face.  “Just that surprises are always nice”

It’s one of the kindest things she’s ever heard him say, and it makes her heart flutter a bit that he’d shared something like that with her.  He goes back to frosting cookies, but she’s still smiling at him.

“Yeah” She agrees.

They’re quiet for a bit, listening to cheesy christmas music while Bev dances and belts out the lyrics.  They frost probably twenty cookies in their focused state of mind.

It dawns on (y/n) that it’s been a while since she’s spent one on one time with Richie.  Sure, Beverly was just behind her, but somehow it felt like he was the only one in the room with her.  She wonders when the last time was that she’d hung out with just Richie, and why they had stopped.

A part of her wants to ask him to hang out with her soon, maybe see a movie, but just as she opens her mouth, she shuts it, and shakes her head a bit at herself.  It felt dumb to ask him such a thing, and she found herself embarassed for almost asking.

Richie notices this small action, but he doesn’t say anything about it, and just pretends to be too focused on frosting cookies to have seen it.

A few minutes later, he hears her softly humming to the tune of the song playing, and he tries so hard not to notice.  But the longer she does it, the more he has to focus on biting back a smile.  He’s barely paying attention to what he’s doing he’s so wrapped up in the sweet melody.

He realizes too late that he pressed the knife a bit too hard against the cookie, and it broke clean in half from the pressure.

(y/n’s) humming stopped as she looked over to see what he’d done, and she laughed at the sight of the mess in Richie’s hands.

“How’d you manage to do that?” She asks, taking one half the cookie to nibble on as she searched for paper towels.

“I- I don’t even know-” He stammers out, and gratefully takes the napkin she hands him to wipe the frosting off the palms of his hands.  She’s still giggling quietly to herself.

Richie crams the rest of the cookie into his mouth before he can say something stupid.

“Well?” (y/n) asks, staring at him expectantly.

His eyes widen as he looks at her, nervousness taking over his entire body.  She was batting her eyelashes a bit, and her lips were parted.  She’s waiting for something, but he’s not sure-

“How are they?” She speaks again when he doesn’t answer right away.

“O-oh,” Richie swallows.  “The cookies?”

“Yes, dummy,” She laughs again.  “Are they good?”

“They’re g-great” He can’t seem to stop stuttering, and he just wants to crack his head over the countertop.

“Good” (y/n) grins, and gets back to work with decorating.

“Well, you two have this covered,” Beverly speaks, and it jolts Richie a bit.  

I keep forgetting she’s still here.

“I’ll go let everyone know cookies are almost done, and we can do presents soon” The redhead finishes, and leaves them alone in the kitchen.

“Alright” (y/n) replies in a cheerful voice.

Richie pauses for a minute before he sits back down on his stool.  They’re even more alone now, and his heart is beating so hard in his chest that he worries it might burst right through.

“Hey, um, (y/n)?”

Her eyes flicker up to his as she hums in response, before looking back down to her cookie.

He wants to tell her, fuck, he wants to tell her so bad that it hurts, it physicaly pains him to keep everything bottled up and shoved way, way down inside.

But he pussies out before the confession can reach his tongue.

“Sorry I haven’t helped with the cookies before,” He says instead.  She gives him her attention now, a slight furrow on her brow at the apology.  “You really have your hands full with all of these- I guess I just didn’t realize how much work-”

“Don’t worry about it, Richie,” She says dismissively.  “It’s no big deal, I don’t mind it-”

“Still,” He says, and has to look back down at the counter before her gaze makes him blush again.  “I should’ve helped”

(y/n) smiles at the sentiment, and her smile remains as she speaks.

“I do rather enjoy your company, though,” She tells him softly.  “You know, in case you want to help me next year”

And fuck the sweet compliment sens his heart for a loop- he swears he almost fell off his seat.

“Noted” Is all he says, but the blush is back on his cheeks and (y/n) doesn’t miss it.

They’re both smiling to themselves as they finish the cookies.

When Eddie calls that it’s time for presents, they wipe the frosting from their hands and everyone gets situated in the living room.  Bill, Stan, and Ben are sat on the sofa, while (y/n) and Bev are on the floor in front of them.  Eddie, Mike and Richie are kneeling at the coffee table.

They always sat in the same spots every year, like it was a tradition, but really it just felt natural at this point.

“Bev open mine first” (y/n) says excitedly, and Beverly happily agrees, taking the small wrapped box that said it was from (y/n) out of her pile.

When she opened the box, she grinned at the bracelet inside.  It was a homemade friendship bracelet, with green and blue strings tied intricately into a braid.

“I love it!” Beverly declared, already tying it securely on her wrist.

(y/n) laughed, and pulled up the sleeve of her sweater to show her the red and orange bracelet on her wrist.

“I haven’t taken it off since I made them,” She told Beverly proudly.  “It’s been really hard hiding it from you”

The girls laughed and admired the adorable jewelry while the others began to open their gifts.

While Stan was excitedly flipping through a field guide to woodland birds, Richie opened the last gift he had in front of him.  He’d saved the best for last, and (y/n) eagerly watched as he ripped apart the neat wrapping she’d folded it in.

She was biting down on her lip so hard it was starting to go numb, but she was so excited to see Richie open his present that she barely even cared.

She knew she’d done a good job when the boy’s jaw dropped open, and he looked across the room to her in shock, as though to ask if this was even real.

“No fucking way,” He gasped, flipping the CD over in his hands to read the titles on the back.  “How did you even get this?”

Actually, finding a bootleg of The Cure’s concert performances was probably the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.  She’d gotten the other Losers’ gifts within a few days, but tracking down that CD for Richie was near impossible.

“I have my ways” She giggled.

It made her heart feel so full to watch Richie marvel at her gift.

Once everyone’s presents were opened, and Eddie and Stan were frantically picking up the mess of paper and ribbons and bows, Bill set up the ame christmas movie that they watch every year.

(y/n) went back into the kitchen to finish up the last of the cookies.  Adding a few sprinkles, and setting them on plates to bring out to the living room so everyone could enjoy them while watching the movie.

When someone joined her, she was surprised that it wasn’t Richie this time, but Ben.

“Here for first dibs?” She asked, offering him a sugar cookie, which he gladly accepted.

“I was actually gonna ask you where you got that CD,” He said, lingering by the counter while she moved about the room.  “The one you got Richie”

“Oh, it was hard,” She chuckled humorlessly.  “I had to get my cousin to buy it from a guy he knows, which was sketchy enough, cost me like fifty bucks, but it was worth it” She shrugs a shoulder, and mutters under her breath when she accidentally sticks her finger into a drop of frosting on the counter.

“Wow,” Ben comments, and she meets his skeptical gaze as she pops her finger into her mouth to lick the frosting off.  “You must really like Richie to spend so much time and money for one gift”

She pulls her finger from her mouth, and there’s a rosy blush on her cheeks at her friend’s insinuation, but she shakes her head in denial.

“What? No- not like that- I mean he’s my friend-”

“Right,”  Ben said, not believing her for a second.  “Anyways, I also wanted to say thanks for the nice book and pens”

She nods back, too nervous to say anything.  She’s worried that he’s pretty much figured out about her little crush, and she doesn’t want him to tell Richie.

He turns to leave, but stops in the doorway of the kitchen, and reaches up to the frame above him.

“What are you…?” She starts to ask, but she doesn’t have to finish her question before she sees what he’s doing.  He taped a little piece of mistletoe up there.  She gives him a look, but laughs to herself anyways, because she can’t help it.

Ben Hanscom is such a romantic, she’s not sure how he’s been single all this time.

“You’re ridiculous” She tells him with a sweet smile, and heads to the fridge for a soda.

“We’ll see” Ben shrugs, and goes back to the living room to join his friends.

“Finally,” Richie rolls his head back on the sofa cushion with a loud groan.  “Wait, where the fuck is (y/n)?”

“Oh, she’s still finishing stuff up” Ben says, and gives the glasses wearing boy a sly sort of grin.  It looked out of place on his sweet baby face, and Richie furrowed his brow.

“You should go help her,” Beverly nudges Richie, who shoves her arm away.  “Come on, go in there!” She hisses.  “Go give her your actual gift”

“Fuck off” Richie mutters back.

“Wh-what actual gift?” Bill asks the question everyone else is wondering.

“You got her something else?” Mike asks, and Richie wants to pull his sweatshirt over his face and hide.

“He did, and it’s very cute, go give it to her”

“We’ll leave you alone,” Ben chirps up.  “We’ll stay out here and watch the movie and we won’t even listen-”

“We might listen a little” Stan mutters.

“-just muck up with courage and go do it!”

“Fine! Jesus fuck you guys are nonstop aren’t you?” RIchie grumbles as he gets off the couch, and drags his feet towards the kitchen.

The others quietly squeal with anticipation as they play the movie.

When Richie wanders into the kitchen, (y/n’s) back is turned to him.  She’s leaning over the stove, and fanning off the fresh sugar cookies that she’d just pulled out.  It was a batch to be decorated later, and she’d timed their baking just right so when the movie was over, they would be cooled off enough to frost.

“H-hey”

His quiet stutter makes her jump a bit as she whirls around, not having heard him come into the room.

“Oh my god, Richie, you scared me,” She says with a sigh and a nervous giggle.  “Don’t sneak up on me like that”

She turns back to move the cookies onto a rack on the counter so that they’d cool faster, and halfway through her process, she looks back over to him.  He’s just standing there, strangely quiet, and he looks like he’d just seen a ghost.

“You alright?” She asks sweetly, “Did you need something?”

“Um, yeah, actually,” He says, and walks around the counter to be standing with her.  Her brows are furrowed, confused by his odd behavior, but she waits patiently for him to say something.  “I wanted to um- give you… your gift”

He’s so nervous he can barely speak, and even when he is he’s not sure if it's english, but he’s trying his best.

“Richie, I already opened your gift,” (y/n) giggles, “I loved it”

He’d given her a cute little bear, holding a jar of quarters, so that she’d be able to play games with him and the others when she came to the arcade.  She usually didn’t come on days they went, because she rarely had change and didn’t want to sit around while everyone offered to buy her games for her.  It was a sweet gift really, very thoughtful.

“Um, yeah, well, I mean y-your real gift,” He stammers.  She still looks confused, but she’s smiling, and she nods to prompt him to show her.  “Okay… um…”

His hand fishes into his pocket, and she watches as he pulls out a small black box.  It’s clearly meant for jewelry, and her eyes widen and shoot up to his in surprise.

Richie Tozier surely didn’t seem like the jewelry-giving kind of guy, and it stunned her to see him even holding this little box.

“Richie-”

She starts to decline the offer, before she even looks inside.  Her hands push his away gently, trying to politely turn it down.  She couldn’t accept something like that, whatever it was, it surely cost more than anything else he’d gifted.

But he pushes the box into her hands.

“Just take it” He chuckles at how cute she is when she’s flustered.

(y/n’s) eyes flicker between his and the box, debating on accepting it.  But eventually his eager expression makes her sigh and finally take the box.

Her fingers are quivering as she flips open the lid, and her soft gasp is audible as her eyes land on the pretty necklace inside.

“Wow…” She murmurs, gently touching the small silver heart pendant.

Richie grinned down at her, and again his heart is just a few beats away from bursting through his chest.

“You like it?” He asks, even though he doesn’t have to, because it’s clear that she loves it.

“Rich, I-I love it” She answers, smiling up at him sweetly.  Tears are beginning to well in her eyes, and he laughs quietly.

“Here,” His voice is softer than she’s ever heard it before.

He pulls the necklace carefully from the box, and prompts her to turn around.  She gladly does, pulling her hair to the side so that he can clasp it behind her neck.  When he manages to do so, she spins back around, admiring the little heart that laid perfectly centered on her collarbone.

He smiled to himself on how perfect it looked on her- how perfect she looked wearing it.

(y/n) peered up at him, eyes full of tears and adoration.

“I love it so much,” She said, voice cracking a bit, from both the softness in her tone and the tears that were burning in her through while she tried to hold them back.  She reached forward, and wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him tightly.

Richie thought that she was the perfect size for hugging- she always stood on her tiptoes just a little to rest her chin on his shoulder, but that was for her casual goodbye hugs.  She wasn’t on her toes now, and while standing flat-footed, her face was buried in his sweatshirt.

He chuckled as he hugged her back, and maybe he lingered and held her a little longer than necessary, but who was complaining?

“I’m glad you like it doll” He hums.

When they do part, she wipes at her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, though” He teases her a bit, and she gives a soft laugh.

“I didn’t mean to start crying,” She replies.  “It was just- um, really sweet”

The corner of his lips tug up into a smirk, and he feels pretty damn good about himself right now.

(y/n’s) flustered in the sudden silence, and jerks her thumb over her shoulder towards the living room.

“I bet they’ve started the movie without us,” She says, “I’m gonna go get a seat while I still can”

He nods in agreement, and she reaches forward to squeeze his hand.

“Thank you” She says one last time, and gives him a big smile before heading out of the kitchen.

He hesitates for a minute, standing in his place and coming down from the high he was currently riding.  He’d made her cry of happiness, she loved his gift so much- he was never going to get over his feelings for her, she’d proven that.

When he finally calms himself down, and is about to go watch the movie with his friends, he notices the mistletoe taped at the kitchen’s doorway.

Fucking idiot- you really could’ve had a chance had you not stood around like a dope.  

He shakes his head at himself, and one again is dragging his feet to take a seat.  Wedging himself between Ben and Stan, he ignored their impatiently excited looks, not wanting to explain to them how big of an idiot he was.

“Did you see I put-”

“Yeah, I did, shut the fuck up” Richie cut off Ben before he could say anything more, and then promply crossed his arms and slumped down further into the couch cushions.

“Pouty much?” Stan muttered, making Ben chuckle a bit.

Richie rolled his eyes and did his best to block them out and just watch the movie.

It was a bit boring, they had watched it for the past four years, and everyone could just about quote it word for word.  But Richie wasn’t much of a christmas-movie-lover anyways, so when he’d complained, no one paid him any mind.

Half an hour or so in, Ben had left his seat to go to the bathroom, and Richie didn’t really think much of it.  Until someone else occupied the space next to him.

He looked down to see (y/n) settling in on the cushion, eyes still focused on the television while she readjusted the blanket on her lap.  It wasn’t until she was settled that she peeked over at him as well, a nervous smile gracing her lips when she saw that he was already looking at her.

Not saying a word, she lifted the blanket a bit to offer it to him.  Richie wasn’t stupid, so he grinned, and moved just an inch closer to her to share.  Much to his surprise, she shuffled to be sitting right against him, leg to leg, arm to arm.  His face went pink right away, and hers didn’t look much different either.

She went back to watching the movie, but her blush and almost-hidden smile were an ever so present feature, and Richie didn’t feel so dumb about missing the misteltoe anymore.

Ben didn’t say anything about having lost his seat when he came back, and happily too the now open space next to Beverly.  Richie was just glad that no one had teased him, and he could just sit next to (y/n) and enjoy her presence.

She did him one better a few minutes later, slipping her hand under their shared blanket and blindly finding his.  Her touch was gentle as she laced their fingers together and squeezed his hand sweetly.  He was frozen for a second, but took a deep breath and relaxed, and curled his fingers around her hand.

They stayed that way through the rest of the film, absolutely content.  No one knew, they couldn’t tell with the blanket covering their arms, and Richie liked it that way.  This was just their moment.

It wasn’t like the last time she’d held his hand.  There wasn’t a scary movie playing, she wasn’t shaking in fear, she’d just done it… well, just because, he supposed.  He still wondered, however, if it was her way of displaying her feelings, or if this was just another (y/n)-being-confusingly-cute moments.

When the movie was over, Mike and Stan had to go home right away, since it was later in the night and they still followed their curfews.  Ben, Beverly, and Eddie helped pick up the last of the mess they’d made, while Bill went upstairs to tell his parents that the party was just about over and everyone was getting ready to go home.

Eddie was the next one to leave, and as per usual, (y/n) hugged him at the door, wishing him a merry christmas before he headed off home, bundled up in far too many articles of clothing.  He would die of heat exhaustion before hypothermia ever got to him, but no one was all that surprised.

She hugged Beverly even tighter when she left, and they both promised to never take off their friendship bracelets, even though they were bound to fall off in a few months- but then (y/n) would just make them new ones.

When it was just the four of them, she went to gather her gifts into her bag so that she was picked up and ready to go when her mom came to pick her up.

“Oh hey (y/n),” Ben said when he saw her there, “I’m heading home”

“Okay,” She smiled and hugged him goodbye.  “Did you take any cookies to go? I don’t want to bring them all home-”

“Of course,” He laughed.  “I made the others bags of them too”

Ben was probably one of the nicest people (y/n) had ever met.

She helped him make sure that he had all his things before walking him to the door.

“Oh, and by the way, Richie’s trying to clean up in the kitchen, you might wanna take care of that”

(y/n) laughed, and swiftly made her way to pick up the mess Richie had likely made while trying to pick up.

However he wasn’t cleaning up the kitchen, like Ben had said.  He wasn’t even in the kitchen.  He was walking out of it, and she crashed right into him.  She probably would’ve tripped over her own feet if he hadn’t grabbed her arms to steady her.

“S-sorry-” She stammered out, “Ben said-”

“You’re welcome!” The boy called from across the room.  

He nodded above the pair, who both stared up at the piece of mistletoe that had been taped to the doorway a few hours ago.

With that, Ben waved, and was out the door.

(y/n) stared at Richie with wide eyes, waiting for him to say something.  He was just standing there, staring at the little leaves above them.

“I-I forgot that Ben put that there” She mumbled.  Her eyes kept flickering from the mistletoe to Richie, not sure what to focus on.

“That sly son of a bitch” Richie grumbled.

She let out a soft laugh, and then took a small step towards him.

“I think he knew what he was doing,” She hummed.

The look on his face was priceless, she’d never seen him so stunned.  She bit down on her lip, trying to suppress a grin of excitement from taking over her face.  She wanted him to think that she was calm, but she wasn’t sure how convincing she could be when her heart was beating so erratically in her chest.

“Pretty sure you owe me a kiss, Tozier” She added in a softer voice.

It was a bold move for her, but she was fairly certain that he’d wanted to kiss her, and the idea that he did gave her the confidence to make such a bold move.

Her breath fanned over his lips as she leaned up on the tips of her toes.  His hands, which were still holding onto her elbows, tightened a bit, and in turn he pulled her a little bit closer.

Her grin broke loose, and her eyes fluttered up to meet his.  She raised her brows, waiting for him to do something.

For a second, she thought he wouldn’t do anything.  He hadn’t said anything in quite some time, and she wondered if he was too scared to make a move.

And then all at once, he pulled her completely forward by her arms, and slanted his lips down over hers.  The kiss was fast, but it was sweet, and Richie was surprisingly gentle.

His arms wound around her waist, keeping her comfortably tucked into his chest, and his lips were so soft that she thought maybe he’d been using chapstick.  The thought passed her mind quickly though, easily overpowered by the realization that she could stand here and kiss Richie for hours.

They’d definitely share more than enough kisses required when caught under the mistletoe, but neither were complaining.  (They’d have to stop kissing to do so, and who would suggest something so ludicrous?)

Her hands tangled into the curls behind his neck, gently combing and twirling the soft strands.  She’d waited for this kiss for a long time- she wasn’t going to waste away her moment now.

When they did detach, it was reluctant, and (y/n) couldn’t find herself to open her eyes.  She just stood there, smiling, eyes closed.  Richie smirked a bit to himself, waiting for her to open her eyes.

A short laugh left her lips, but her eyes fluttered open and she was smiling at him again.

“Took you long enough,” She murmured, her hands falling to his shoulders.  “Didn’t think you were ever gonna do that”

He bumped his nose against hers affectionately.

“Well sorry,” He said teasingly.  “Didn’t exactly want to throw you on the counter and ruin all your cookies just cause I felt like kissing you senseless”

She giggled, pulling him close to kiss him again.

“I might’ve been fine with that” She replied rather smoothly, and then planted her lips on his again.

“W-well finally”

They pulled apart when they head Bill laughing at them.  He didn’t say anything else, just shook his head and left the room.

(y/n) and Richie laughed to themselves, because they’d been thinking the same thing.

“Merry Christmas” She mused pleasantly.

Richie kissed her forehead before embracing her tightly.

“Merry Christmas, (y/n/n)”

___

probably shoulda posted this before xmas huh *shrugs*

xoxo ~ jordie

[soulwillower]

separate seas • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x plus size!reader)   

requested: Hi! Can I request another fic? I was thinking a Bill Denbrough x plus size reader were the reader was Bill’s next door neighbour who survived a Pennywise attack. When the Losers reunite Mike suggests to meet up with the reader because she wants to kill Pennywise the most. She now stutters (much like Bill did) and is very reclusive. It's not a full idea but I think you could write something great! Thanks!

warnings: swearing, fluff, poorly written, unedited

i was going to make it angsty but i just couldn't write it for some reason, im sorry  <3 i dont know how i feel about this, i’ve been trying to write for a while and have been discouraged /feeling bleh abt my writing but i truly hope u guys enjoy this!

[takes place during the events of chapter 2]

2.2k words

♡

bill was floored at the emotions that coursed through him at mike’s words. of course, he was already floored by the sheer amount of information and memories that had taken to his mind like a brick wall to the face - poorly - so why did this brick wall hit so much harder than the other? mike’s words ring in bill’s ears like a church bell.

y/n, we have to go see y/n.

the air of the jade orient becomes increasingly stale and bill has to wipe his face with his forearm. he remembers suddenly a book he’d written nearing ten years prior to this moment, titled the plague of dawn.  it makes him frown in confusion. why did he think of that?

the book wasn’t anything special, in fact it was one of his lowest-grossing novels, despite it being one of his own personal favorites. there was a protagonist who was investigating the death of a young boy, and a mysterious love interest - a woman who was bright but with a troubled past and, from what bill remembers writing, a curvy figure and stunning eyes.

odd to remember that in such a time, but he supposes everything has been odd tonight. but bottom line, it was nothing special. in fact, the novel had been very cheesy, but it had stuck with him in this moment for some unknown reason.

y/n.... bill remembers cloudy memories of a girl with bright eyes and laughter. he sees his house, next to it, a blue one; georgie, with a bright smile, running up to a girl who came out of the garage of the blue house to the left. she hugs him and his arms squeeze around her middle, his face half buried in her soft stomach. he remembers thinking she is beautiful. 

looking around, he sees that the others are slowly remembering her too, but he thinks briefly that they certainly have different memories.

“not that i don’t miss her, but… why y/n?” bev asks. the pieces were falling into place, it seemed, all at the same time in their own heads. “wait. didn’t she go to the hospital for-“ eddie starts rushed, but richie snaps a few times as he speaks up.

“oh, fuck. wait- It. It got her, right? and she survived?” richie says, fingers pressing on his head as he squints. he looks just as pained as bill feels when  memories of her - and of It - fill his senses.

your eyes. your laugh. your hair. your skin. your silhouette. the bedsheets bill would sometimes catch a glimpse of when he looked out his own window. much like the ones he wrote for the plague of dawn’s  - oh.

bill can’t help but drop his head into his palms in realization - had he written a character based off of a repressed memory of a childhood crush? christ.

“…she was bill’s neighbor.” ben adds, looking puzzled. everyone turns to look at bill, and he swallows. “y-uh, y-yeah. i r-remember.” and he does. "sh-she was attacked right at the beginning of the s-summer." it's silent. "she wants It dead more than anyone. we need her help." mike says, standing up.

and then twenty minutes later, bill finds himself on an unfamiliar porch step with five of his childhood friends, staring at an unopened door. why is he so fucking anxious to see her? will she remember him? will she care?

mike has to knock three times before the door opens, revealing a woman that makes bill's breath falter.

“h-holy shit.” the woman mutters, eyes flickering between everyone on her porch step. those eyes. bill would recognize them anywhere. she looks different than he remembers, but more than likely she’s matured just as much as him in the last twenty some years. she looks really good.

"y/n." mike says, giving her a tight-lipped smile. bill watches her, her face even and unrevealing. she doesn't try to hug anybody. there’s a long, staggering scar that pokes through the collar of her shirt, and yes, now bill knows for sure that this is his old neighbor, y/n. 

she seems to have the same eyes, the same face. he wonders briefly if she remembers him the way he remembers her.

“what’s g-going on?” she says, looking suspicious of the group in front of her, eyes flitting over everybody with little to no emotion. it feels like a cool breeze blows down the spine of everyone present. 

bill takes in her figure and swallows, shocked to be seeing her so suddenly. she catches his eyes and recognition flickers in the depths of her face, a small quirk of her lips betraying her menacing stare.

“caroling group.” richie deadpans, bringing everyone back down to the present as his hands are in his pockets and he’s rocking on his heels. bill barely spares a glance behind him to richie as he stares at y/n. does she have a stutter too? she didn’t always have it. the look on her face is mysterious and pained.

"we need your help." mike says, giving her a look. as bill watches her reaction, he can’t help but feel like the seven of them were all swimming in separate seas at the same time, being masked by a false sense of belonging. was this going to work? could they really do it? 

y/n seems to understand grimly, like she feels whatever this is too, as she takes in the faces of people she hadn't seen in years. but then she turns away, walking back into her house. bill blinks.

at first he thinks she's abandoning them, but then she waves her hand expectantly. she does actually invite them in, leaving bill to watch in curiosity as she leads them to a back room in her house, seemingly unwillingly. she seems determined, but not very excited. he doesn't blame her.

they all sit awkwardly as mike and y/n talk about the summer of '89.

"our wh-whole town was full of nightm-mares. not just It." y/n shrugs, the cloud of mystery and self-isolation wrapping her up and pulling her farther and farther out of bill's reach.

"b-bowers." bill says, noticing how y/n's eyes dart to ben's quickly. she and ben went through very similar situations with bowers and the memory of their fucked up childhood makes bill's head spin.

"th-that doesn't matter r-right now." y/n says dismissively, waving her hand. bill stares at the table as he remembers the the character he wrote in the plague of dawn - the love interest had been tormented relentlessly, particularly for her weight.

god, how awful is that? bill didn't even mean to, but he had essentially broadcasted y/n's life into a novel.

“y-you punched him, once.” bill blurts, a laugh escaping his lips. y/n looks at him and for the first time, she looks like her old self, smiling and happy. 

“y-yeah, i suppose i d-did, bill. he d-d-deserved it.” she says, smug look quickly retreating back to the wall of blank emotion. something stirs him on, “you got that r-right. it was inc-credible, that was th-the best thing i’d e-ever seen. i was o-obsessed with y-you.” 

its silent and bill realizes what he just said.  “well this is awkward.” richie says with a grin, nudging both ben and eddie’s sides. they just give him a look. y/n’s smirking at the table and bev is grinning at bill with a knowing look. 

"-we're going to kill It." mike says, voice wavering only slightly, breaking the tension. and just like that, the moment is over. bill shivers but he nods, looking over richie, to eddie, to bev, then ben, mike, and finally y/n.

"yeah, well. f-fighting I-It wasn't too easy, i'm sure you kn-know." y/n says shortly, her fingers ghosting over the scar on her chest. bill's stomach flutters with something between fear and admiration. he remembers - she doesn't have to say it. they're all remembering.

she had been outside in the ravine down the street by herself when pennywise had found her. bill remembers sirens, he remembers the blood as she stumbled across the street towards their houses. he remembers watching her get carried to the hospital and then riding silver down to the clubhouse to tell the others. he doesn't remember much else from that summer, just a whole lot of pain and fear. but he remembers not hearing her voice much, or seeing her nearly at all those days. he had missed her, but he'd never said anything.

the bubbly girl was not quite there anymore.

she speaks up and immediately pull bill's attention from his thoughts. "but this time, we're a-all going to b-be together. It is g-going to die."

after the conversation and getting y/n to agree (which wasn't very hard, she was very determined), bill was left with a bitter taste in his mouth and a pit in his stomach. it was weird being back in derry, and catching y/n's eye, he could tell she thought it was weird for them to be back too.

bill was exhausted and thought he might be sick, head swirling around with images of the jade of the orient, of stan, of pennywise, and georgie. he feels empty, and so he can’t help himself from asking y/n to come back and grab a drink at the townhouse.

he needs a distraction, or something. something. 

she had shaken her head, but instead taken him by the elbow and told him she had a full bottle of scotch in her cabinet. he was shocked to receive an invitation to stay longer at the reclusive y/n’s house, considering how withdrawn she’d been (understandably) this whole time, but he eagerly told the others he would see them back at the townhouse. he ignores richie when he makes lewd gestures through the window as they all leave.  

when they’re in her house alone, she places what is indeed a full bottle of unopened, aged scotch on her table unceremoniously as her hair shines in the lamplight and her clothes cling to her shape.

he tries not to linger his eyes on her body but can’t help to admire her curves and how soft her skin looks as she places a glass in front of him, pouring out three fingers, no rocks.

he doesn’t flinch, completely intending on finishing this glass and then some if he’s going to do this whole fucking thing.

"it’s from the t-trauma." she says and he blinks at her, confused. she smirks lightly, as if mocking herself. "the stutter." she elaborates, and he nods slowly. he understands that.

"m-mine came back wh-when i did." he explains. it’s quiet again and he watches as she pours her own glass. he’s slightly thrown off as he watches her move the bottle over to set it on top of a stack of paperback novels. he skims the stack, his eyes catching bold lettering: THE PLAGUE OF DAWN.

he almost laughs, but his stomach  coils tightly with something akin to embarrassment.

his body carries him to pick the book up, plopping back down after it's clutched in his hands. “d-did you read this?” he asks, looking at her with a raised brow.

she grins, not looking a single bit ashamed. “y-yeah, i did.”

well, fuck. 

“the m-main character, it’s…” he starts, unsure how to say it. but she never left, she never forgot anything - did she notice? 

she nods slowly, face flushing. “i’ve talked with mike long en-enough to know you didn’t remember me wh-when you w-wrote it. i just… i can’t help but n-notice…”

“it’s you, y/n. i d-didn’t- i don’t think i really kn-knew it then. wh-when i wrote it, i kn-knew i was writing about my ch-childhood, i just- i didn’t realize…i’m s-sorry.”

“i know.” she says simply and there it is again, the mysterious shroud that prevents bill from knowing y/n y/l/n fully. its awkward for a moment, and then : “did you at least l-like it?”

she cracks a grin as she sips on her scotch. she’s beautiful and it makes bill blush almost like he’s 13 again and completely unsure how to flirt with this woman.

“well, i don’t know. y-you killed me off, b-bill. wh-who kills off the l-love interest before they get any c-closure?” she says, lifting a brow. bill can’t help the sheepish grin nor the blush from creeping onto his face. 

"its f-fucked!" she adds. he can't help but huff a laugh, feeling eerily similar to how he used to feel when he was young. and he was okay with that.

“n-no it isn’t- i just, i- people l-loved it, okay.” he defends half-heartedly, knowing it to be untrue. she laughs openly at this, watching him as he thumbs through the pages of his own words, looking embarrassed.

“it’s so c-cute that you think that, b-bill.” she says coyly. he looks up from the book then, a grin of his own on his face as his cheeks dust pink. she’s pulling his leg. 

"you- er, i just c-can't believe th-this all happened." he mutters, scratching his head. she lifts a brow and it flusters him again so he tries to add on. "and i wish th-that i hadn't forgotten it. y-you, particularly." his words come out awkwardly and he feels like a dumbass.

“p-poetic, denbrough.” she grins, hands grabbing his shoulders gently. he grins at her, raising his hands to her shoulder and another to her waist, squeezing the soft skin. he shrugs, "what can i s-say, i-"

and then before he can add anything more, she closes the gap, leaning to press her lips against his. it's soft at first, as if being gentle after the black hole of trauma they are soon to reopen. 

it’s bold and shocking and surprising. 

but bill moves his lips against hers and they both come to life, kissing fiercely as the world stops around them. there's pain in the kiss, there's devastation, there's fear. but there’s also light, there's love. he feels it all as she kisses him.

when they pull apart, bill looks at her with wide eyes. "that was- unexpected." he says as she stares up at him. he can't tear his eyes away from her and she shrugs, staring back in shock,"i-i’m sorry." she says quickly, hands still holding her face. she stares up at him, "d-did i fuck it up, th-though?"

she looks like she already knows the answer but wants to hear him say it for himself.

he shakes his head, "d-don’t think so, y-y/n." he pulls her in for another kiss and she sighs into his mouth, holding him tightly.

 there’s still a looming sense of dread over their heads, staring down at them with its ugly impending danger. but he has her in his arms and he can’t believe it. 

and maybe, it'll be okay. maybe these separate seas aren’t too different. 

[cocastyle]

Poems and Mistletoe

Pairing - Ben Hanscom x reader

Word Count - 3,343

A/N - so I feel like there is never enough of all the Losers out there so I’ve decided I’m going to try and write a piece for some of the Losers who don’t get as much love starting with Ben! I really loved this idea and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as me because Ben really deserves more love!

Prompt - Ben Hanscom has liked Y/N L/N since they met on his first day of school. It being the Christmas season and all, Ben finally decides to admit his feelings towards the girl in the form of a poem. It just is a matter of getting the poem to her that was the problem.

The day Ben Hanscom met Y/N L/N was the day that Ben knew he was a goner. It had been his first day at a new school, having only just moved to Derry a couple of days before, and he had been introduced to his tour guide Y/N by the principal.

Ben swore he had never seen someone as beautiful as the girl that had stood before him. Her h/c hair fell down to just below her shoulders, her e/c eyes so mesmerizing that Ben could do nothing more than gawk, and her smile—oh her smile was unlike anything Ben had ever seen.

It was the kind of smile that brought butterflies to his stomach and made his cheeks heat up. It was the kind of smile that made him feel like his heart was bursting with pure joy although he had been in a bad mood ever since he moved there. He knew then and there that he would never get tired of that smile.

Y/N had been a great tour guide and Ben remembered staring at her in admiration as she greeted so many different people as they walked down the hallway. He had no clue, but the four boys she had smiled and shared hugs with would end up being his best friends by the end of the following summer.

In that moment though, no one else seemed to matter and somehow along the way Ben mustered up enough courage to talk to the girl. And boy, when she sent him that smile of hers in his direction, he knew he was done for.

From that day on, a friendship flourished between the two, Y/N being the boy's only friend up until the summer had began. Then came the dreaded summer of 1989 and something about fighting a demonic clown and barely escaping with their lives and brought the two even closer together with both each other and their other friends—Stan, Mike, Bill, Eddie, Richie, and Beverly.

Ben still remembered the events that had taken place that summer, something that would never be able to leave him and that lived on in his nightmares. He had never been so scared in his life, but the worst of it had been when he saw Y/N floating in the air, having been caught in the dead lights by It and not showing any signs of breathing.

Ben shuddered slightly at the thought before quickly shaking his head. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about things like that, especially not when he was desperately trying to finish the poem he was writing. It had to be done in the next five minutes or he wouldn't be able to give it to Y/N in time.

Ever since the summer, Ben had realized that his feelings for Y/N were a more serious than he had thought. What had started off as a crush had turned into what he could only describe as love. But Ben had no idea how to tell her, afraid of what he might hear if he did.

So that was where the poem came into play. It was a way for Ben to express his feelings without coming out and saying them, that way, if Y/N didn't seem to notice just what the poem meant, then it wouldn't hurt him in the end. The only problem was getting the poem to her.

The Losers were having a Christmas party at Y/N's house and had decided to have a Secret Santa. They had each drawn names and Ben had been secretly hoping he would get the girl that was always on his mind, but he had ended up getting Stan much to his dismay.

However, Ben hadn't let that stop him and was planning on giving Y/N the gift in private, that way the other Losers weren't at all offended by not getting a gift and he wouldn't have to hear a bunch of crap from Richie about the poem.

It took Ben the whole entirety of the five minutes to finish the poem before he was rushing out the door with Stan's gift in his hand and the poem for Y/N in his pocket. Riding his bike with the present in his lap was quite difficult, but Ben didn't want to have to have his parents drop him off so he just sucked it up in the end.

Luckily Y/N's house wasn't too far from his own, so Ben was there in only a couple of minutes. He could already see some bikes laying on the ground outside, so Ben ditched his beside the others before taking in a deep breath and walking up to the door.

He was just about to knock on the door when it opened up to reveal Y/N who was laughing and beginning to walk outside. She jumped slightly in surprise at the sight of him before smiling widely. “Oh, hello, Ben. I was just about to check and see if I could see any of you coming down the street,” Y/N said happily.

“H-Hi, Y/N,” Ben muttered, his cheeks growing a bit red as he stared at the girl in awe. She was standing there with a white sweater, black jeans, and her hair in a messy braid. Ben swore his heart swooned at the sight of her.

Y/N smiled at the boy and titled her head before pointing behind her. “You want to come in? We’re just waiting on Richie to show up and then we were thinking about exchanging gifts and watching a Christmas movie,” she said.

Ben nodded weakly and Y/N’s smile widened before she turned to walk inside. The boy could feel the poem burning in his pocket and gulped slightly before going to reach for it. “Uh. . .actually, Y/N-“ Ben began, but he fell silent when the girl turned back to look at him, her e/c eyes staring at him making him forget what he was about to say.

“Ben?” she questioned and that seemed to snap the boy out his thoughts. Ben stuck his hand into his pocket and had just grabbed ahold of the poem when a voice exclaimed from behind them, “Look at you two, standing out here in the cold when the warmth of a house is literally right there. Fucking losers.”

Y/N chuckled softly and rolled her eyes to look behind Ben where Richie was standing. “Says the boy who is also standing out in the cold. So fuck off,” Y/N joked, earning a laugh from Richie while Ben just sighed and took his empty hand out of his pocket.

“Nice one,” Richie smirked before nodding towards the door. “So we allowed to go in or are we all just going to continue standing around like a bunch of dumbasses?”

Y/N chuckled and opened the door for the boy. “Thanks,” Richie said, smiling softly at the girl before ruffling her hair and walking inside. Ben was about to follow behind him, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

The boy looked to his right to see Y/N looking at him curiously and almost hopefully? “You were going to tell me something,” Y/N pointed out.

“Oh. . .um. . .it can wait,” Ben assured her.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, her smile falling slightly as she asked, “Are you sure?”

If Ben didn’t know any better, it almost seemed as if Y/N wanted to stay out there with him. But he was only kidding himself. Why would Y/N want to be alone with him?

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Ben told her, giving the girl a tight lipped smile in response.

Y/N stared at him in silence for a minute before nodding. “Okay then. Let’s go inside and do the gift exchange!” Y/N exclaimed as she grabbed the boy’s arm and quickly drug him inside.

Before Ben knew it, Y/N was pulling him into the living room where the other Losers were all conversing, Richie having already situated himself between Eddie and Stan on one couch while Mike, Bill, and Beverly sat on another.

“Ben!” Beverly greeted, a bright smile on her face before the other Losers quickly greeted the boy as well.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m a little late,” Ben told them, but Bill waved his apology away.

“It’s f-f-fine, Ben. No n-n-need to apologize,” Bill assured him.

Y/N smiled and sat down on the ground before patting the spot next to her for Ben. “Come on then. Let’s get this started shall we?” she asked. “I’ll go first.” She then reached under her Christmas tree and pulled out a small bag before turning to Ben and holding the bag out to him. “I had Ben.”

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise and he set Stan’s gift down in front of him before gently taking the gift from Y/N. Shyly, the boy took the tissue paper out before he pulled out the gift inside. He smiled brightly at the sight of an architecture book, architecture being something that he had grown an interest for over the past couple of months.

“Wow, Y/N,” Ben whispered in disbelief as he ran a hand over the book.

“That’s not all. Open the card,” Y/N said excitedly as she grabbed the boy’s arm and shook it gently.

Ben gave her confused and amused look before pulling the small card out of the bag. He pulled the card out of the envelope and chuckled softly at the cheesy Christmas card before opening it, his eyes widening at the sight of two slips of paper on the inside.

“You’re joking,” Ben muttered in disbelief, his eyes flickering over to the girl in surprise. “Y/N!”

The girl just shrugged and the Losers all tried to crane their neck to see what was inside, but Ben was quick to hide it, not wanting the others to see it. Only Y/N and Beverly were the ones that knew about his obsession with New Kids on the Block and he was not about to let the boys see the two concert tickets Y/N had gotten him for the New Kids on the Block concert that would be coming in town in a couple of months.

“I got two so you could enjoy it with someone else,” Y/N whispered so that the others wouldn’t hear. Ben looked to her with a goofy smile, already knowing he wouldn’t want to go to the concert with anyone other than the girl in front of him.

“Thank you,” Ben whispered, still in shock.

Y/N smiled and reached out to hug the boy before saying, “Merry Christmas, Ben.”

Ben didn’t have time to say anything else before the others began to exchange their gifts. Ben didn’t even notice the other gifts, his attention still on the book and concert tickets which he couldn’t believe the girl had gotten him.

He finally managed to pull his attention away long enough to watch Y/N open her gift from Richie, the boy having gotten her the Bruce Springsteen record Born in the U.S.A. and a framed picture of the two of them from when they were toddlers, Stan, Richie, and Bill hugging the two from behind while the young Richie and Y/N laughed at each other.

Ben couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the look of pure happiness that had dawned the girl’s face, Y/N instantly going over and hugging Richie tightly while the boy tried to act like it was no big deal.

When everyone was finally done opening gifts, the Losers all crowded onto the couches and began to argue over which Christmas movie they should watch.

“A Christmas Story!” Richie exclaimed as he squirmed between Eddie and Stan, trying to get comfortable.

“What the fuck? No way! We’re watching A Christmas Vacation,” Eddie argued as he shoved the boy back. “Quit shoving!”

“I say we watch A Christmas Carol,” Stan suggested.

“No!” Eddie and Richie both exclaimed automatically while Stan pouted.

Y/N chuckled and shook her head at her friends before standing up and wiping her hands on her pants. “Well, I’ll leave you guys to figure out which movie we watch while I make some popcorn,” Y/N said before walking off, not noticing the way Ben’s eyes followed her figure out of the room before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper.

“I’m going to go see if Y/N needs help,” Ben announced quickly before rushing out of the room, the others not noticing because they were currently trying to stop Eddie and Richie from shoving each other.

It was like Ben could hear his heartbeat and his own breathing in his ears, the realization that he was about to be alone with Y/N and give her the poem he had made for her making him grow nervous.

He made it to the kitchen in time to see Y/N putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave, the girl turning around upon hearing footsteps and smiling at the sight of Ben. “Oh, hey! Did you need something?” Y/N asked sweetly. “A drink maybe? Or some food?”

“Oh, no. No. I’m good,” Ben assured her. “I just. . .” He took a deep breath. Here is goes. “I wanted to give you something.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and watched as Ben shyly walked over to her before holding it his hand that was holding the piece of paper. She smiled slightly at him, a curious gleam in her eyes as she gently took the paper from him.

Ben was quick to look at his feet as he heard the crumbling of the paper as she opened it up. Y/N stared at the paper for a moment before it dawned on her that it was a poem, that Ben had written a poem for her. Ben cringed as he heard the girl softly whisper out the words on the paper, suddenly realizing just how awful it sounded.

Before long, she had finished reading the poem and a silence had fallen along the two. Ben squeezed his eyes shut, the fear of rejection washing over him. But then he felt something soft on his cheek and his eyes opened up in surprise as he saw that Y/N had kissed his cheek.

His whole face went red as the girl pulled away, a bright smile on her face as she looked at Ben with an unreadable expression. “Thank you, Ben,” she whispered as she held the paper close to her heart. “I love it.”

Ben gawked at her for a second before nervously scratching his neck and saying in a low voice, “I just. . .I wanted to give you something for Christmas. I was actually hoping you would be my Secret Santa, but I knew either way I still wanted to give you something. Sorry it’s not anything expensive. I don’t really have the money.”

Y/N smiled warmly and quickly shook her head. “I didn’t care about the money. This is probably the best gift anyone has ever given me, Ben. It was thoughtful and from the heart and I couldn’t ask for anything better,” she assured him, her words making Ben smile slightly.

He let his eyes flicker up to meet her eyes and the two stared at each other in silence for a minute before Y/N whispered, “I have feelings for you too, you know.”

Ben blinked in surprise, silently wondering if what he had heard was right and if Y/N had actually been able to pick up on the hidden message in his poem. But then he seemed to realize just what she had said and his eyes widened.

“You. . .you do?” he asked, Y/N nodding in response. Ben didn’t know what to do as he looked at the girl, his eyes wide while his mouth fell open slightly hit let agape.

It was Y/N who broke the silence with a small chuckle before she went to grab the finished popcorn. She returned a minute later and held out her empty hand to him. Ben blinked and looked to her hand before looking back up at her face. Y/N just smiled warmly at him, “Come on. They’re going to wonder where we’ve been.”

Ben could merely nod in response as he hesitantly reached out and reached for Y/N’s hand, the girl intertwining their fingers together almost instantly while Ben continued to look at her in awe, his face growing redder by the second.

Y/N gently tugged him along and out of the kitchen, but Ben failed to notice that they had gone out a different way than they had entered until Y/N stopped just below a doorway.

Ben furrowed his eyebrows and went to question the girl encore he noticed she was staring above them with a smile on her face. The boy slowly let his gaze flicker up and his face instantly reddened at the sight of the mistletoe above them.

His eyes flickered back down to Y/N with wide eyes and she chuckled before beginning to lean forward, her face pausing inches away from the boy. Her breath mingled with his own and she seemed to crowd all of his senses. She hesitated there, waiting to see if Ben would pull away, but when he didn’t, Y/N leaned forward the extra couple of inches before her lips brushed against his own.

Ben had never felt anything like he did in that moment. For kissing Y/N under the mistletoe was something he had never expected to happen and all he could feel was pure bliss and euphoria in that moment. It was like his heart was bursting with joy and love while his hand that was holding onto Y/N’s shook nervously.

He didn’t even know if he was doing any of this right, Y/N being both his first kiss and the only girl to have ever liked him.

Her lips were soft and for a moment it felt like Ben was on cloud nine. But then she was pulling away and Ben had to remind himself to breath before he managed to open his eyes once again.

He was still face to face with Y/N, their noses brushing against each other as they stood there red faced. Y/N had never looked more beautiful than in the moment with a light blush dusting her cheeks and her eyes glistening with happiness.

Ben couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened, the reality of having finally kissed Y/N being enough to make him speechless. But then she was giving him that damn smile of hers, only this time he knew that it was out of love.

He would never get tired of that smile.

Y/N finally pulled away from the boy and Ben swore it looked like she was glowing. How he had managed to get someone like her to have feelings for someone like him was beyond his imagination and he knew he couldn’t have been luckier.

She gently let go of his hand and smiled in his direction one more time before disappearing from the doorway and into the living room to join their friends for the movie. That left Ben standing there in the doorway, the young boy still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Finally, it all seemed to hit him and Ben couldn’t stop himself from grinning widely and touching his lips before whispering to himself, “Holy shit.”

It took him a couple of seconds before finally managed to move his feet once again, his legs carrying him to the living room where he would end up sitting beside Y/N and holding her hand as the Losers all watched a Christmas movie.

Ben had never been happier.

* * *

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[reddie-fangirl24]

For the reddie fic request: hmmmm....What about...a/b/o reddie family fic where they have a little one named Georgie. (They named their kid in honour of Bill’s little brother, and even though Bill will deny it, he totally cried and became a stuttering mess. His wife Audra recorded it.) Bonus points if you can include : Benverly, and StanPat too. (Hope this request is okay.)

NOTE: As you can see I am obsessed with Friends. Thank you so much for this request. It was a lot of fun to write. 

Holding one another’s hands, despite that Richie’s were sweating from how nervous he was, Eddie and Richie waited, encouraging Chloe who groaned as she pushed hard. The doctors kept giving her instructions, never letting her give up. This was the moment. This was the day. They were going to be the parents of this child.

Finally, a wail echoed in the room, and the doctors held a baby in their arms immediately wrapping it into a blanket. “It’s a girl!”

Losing the ability to speak, Eddie pressed a hand against his beating chest as the doctors cleaned her up. She was so small. “She’s so beautiful,” Richie’s voice broke unable to keep his emotions together any longer. 

They couldn’t hold the baby yet, but Eddie bent down to the little girl. “Hi, there,” he said to her, his voice cracking. He felt Richie put a hand on his back. The baby was still trying to adjust to her new surroundings, hardly able to open her eyes. “I’m your Dad.” He pulled Richie closer to the scene who was still rendered speechless. “And this is your Daddy. We are going to love you so much!”

Hugging, the couple felt so lucky. “Chloe, thank you so much!” Richie put a hand on the young woman’s shoulder whose head flopped into her pillow. At first, when they met, Chloe was hesitant to give her baby to them. Somehow, Eddie’s name was smudged making it look like his name was Ellie. Eventually, Chloe came around, admiring their dynamic. “How do you feel?”

“Tired!” Chloe took a breath as sweat dripped off her face. “But, I am so happy for you guys! The baby is going to love you.”

“Well, you don’t have too much time to rest,” the doctor told her. “The other one will be along in a minute.”

Snapping their heads at the doctor, Eddie and Richie’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “Excuse me?” Eddie was the first to ask seeing how Richie’s jaw fell to the floor.

The doctor looked at them as if they were insane. Even Chloe was surprised, staring at her abdomen which was still swollen. “The next baby. It should be along in another minute. You know it’s twins, right?” The doctor asked them, raising an eyebrow. 

“Are bug eyes and our mouths falling to floor look like the faces of two people in the know!” Richie exclaimed.

“Uh, you see, we only ordered one baby!” Oh, that felt so cruel to say. Then again, Eddie felt a different feeling that he never felt before.

Now the doctor was not sure what to do or make of the situation. Clearly, he needed to deliver the next baby. “I don’t understand, this has never happened before. We had that it was twins in the paperwork based off on your check-ups,” The doctor said to Chloe.

“Did you know that it was twins?” Richie asked Chloe who was still shocked at the news.

Chloe shook her head. “Well, during one check-up the doctor told me that both heartbeats were strong and I thought that meant mine was strong, too, which is good!” She took a beat to think. “Now that I think about it, twins actually run in my family.”

Richie made a ‘now you tell us’ face at her before feeling an arm pulling at him. Eddie took him to the side of the room so they could talk privately. 

“What are we going to do?” Richie asked, tugging at his hair, anxiously. 

“What do you mean?”

“Two babies, Eddie! TWO!” Richie indicated with his fingers. 

Eddie relaxed a hand on his husband’s shaking shoulder. “I know. Richie, you’re panicking.”

“Why am I the only one who’s freaking out about this? We were only expecting one baby!”

“Richie, we can’t just split them up! That would be wrong. What if the other one doesn’t go to a happy home. Or they have to go to an orphanage. Or live its life on the streets. Do you want that?”

Nodding in agreement, Richie put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, looking at him worriedly. “Eds, what if we’re not ready for two babies.”

Eddie touched his hand, looking into his husband’s eyes. “We have waited so long for this, Richie. I know you’re nervous, believe me, so am I. But, these are our children. I don’t care if it’s two, three or the entire cast of Full House that comes out of there!”

Richie wrinkled up his eyebrow. “You have really been watching too much TV.”

“Oh, shut up!” Eddie lightly whacked him. Growing serious again, they looked into each other’s eyes agreeing that this was for the best. Taking a deep breath, and giving one another a hug, they rejoined the scene where Chloe was just about ready to give birth to her second child. 

“It looks like we’re just about ready,” the doctor examined. “Start pushing again, Chloe.”

Chloe screamed out in pain, howling, as she pushed. Tears streamed from her eyes. Eddie went over and placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Following, Richie did the same until they heard another cry emitting through the room. 

“Here he comes!” The doctor announced. 

“He? It’s a boy?” Richie asked as the doctor nodded, holding the little baby in his arms. Turning to Eddie, the two shared a kiss. “Now we have one of each!”

“And that’s enough!” Eddie put his hand out, his eyes growing big.

“I thought you said...”

“Forget about what I said!”

                                                               ---

Unable to contain their excitement, the Losers waited for Richie and Eddie to return home. The moment Chloe felt that her babies were on the way, everyone was scrambling about, almost falling over chairs.

Stan feverishly inspected Eddie and Richie’s house. “Okay, they really need to have one of those baby gates on this side of the stairs!” He was only looking out for his friends. That was Stan. That’s what he did. Patty tried to calm him down, eventually getting him to sit down with the other Losers who were all sitting by the window, taking up the couch. 

Mike placed a hand on Stan’s shoulder once he sat down. “Stan, it’s going to be okay.”

“I think Richie and Eddie have everything taken care of,” Bill said, holding Audra’s hand. Audra spent two hours talking with Eddie over the phone this week. Poor Eddie was so nervous wanting to make sure that they had all the supplies that were needed. 

“They’re going to make great parents,” Ben added, smoothing Beverly’s shoulder. “Once their kid is old enough then Lexi will have a playmate.”

Beverly smiled, kissing his nose. “That would be great.”

Just then, the front door opened. Everyone turned to see Eddie walk in with their daughter wrapped in a pink blanket. Smiling big, they all wrapped around Eddie looking at the new baby.

“She’s so beautiful!” Patty said. Audra took out her phone to capture the moment on film.

“Hey, guys!” That was when Richie walked in, holding their son in his arms. Grinning widely, he could not wait for everyone’s reactions. Some of the Losers turned, greeting him. All at once, the best double-take in history happened! Everyone’s eyes went wide when they saw the second baby.  

“Surprised?” Richie asked with the most gigantic smile.

Stan put a hand up, a lecture immediately coming to his mind. “Okay, just to clarify, the hospital knows that you took two babies home, right?”

Eddie laughed. “Yes! It turned out that Chloe was pregnant with two babies and she didn’t realize.”

“Wow! This is great!” Beverly congratulated them. 

“What are their names?” Mike asked, holding the baby that Eddie had in his arms.

“Well, this one is a girl,” Eddie indicated. “So, we decided to name her Chloe.”

Ben was just trying to hide the tears, but he was breaking. “Aw, after Chloe herself? That is so sweet.”

“And, uh, this little guy,” Richie indicated to the baby that Bill was holding. “We decided to call him Georgie.” 

Bill looked up at him, his eyes wide. Trembling, he tried to duck away so nobody would see the tears. “T-T-That’s beautiful! Thanks, y-you guys!”

“Oh, you made Bill emotional! Audra hollered still holding up her phone camera, capturing the moment. Even she had tears in her eyes.

Stan came up and put Eddie and Richie on the back. “You guys are going to make... really interesting parents.”

“Stan, can I just tell you how much I’ve always loved your honesty?” Richie commented giving his good friend a side hug. 

[angelhummel]

In honor of Darren’s birthday I just wanted to go on a long and personal rant about him. About how I’ve been following him from the start, what he means to me, that sort of thing. I’ll hide it under a cut to save you all from scrolling ten minutes to get past it!

I first became aware of Darren Criss in about August 2009. I was barely into my sophomore year of high school and one of my friends told me about a Harry Potter musical some people made and put up online. I was a huge fan of HP and musicals and my first response was “how has this been up for six weeks and I’m only just now hearing about it??” So of course I looked it up the second I could and devoured every minute of it. I even got my best friend to be as obsessed over it as I was. 

We went from being crazy about the musical to being crazy about the cast. I had bought sticker computer paper so I could print out my own stickers and we decorated our binders with them. One that was a collage of the whole cast, but several more of Darren because he was my favorite. (All the stickers weren’t Starkid related though, we weren’t quite that obsessive.) But we watched all their shows and playfully argued about which member was the cutest or which characters were better, all that good stuff.

She was the same friend that got me into Glee in the first place, so when we heard Darren was going to be on the show, of course we freaked out. We were tuning in every single week to see his beautiful face and hear his beautiful voice, just so we could meet back up at school the next day and gush about how great it was. And like I’ve said before, Kurt was my favorite character from the start. So seeing Darren embody this new character that was destined to get with Kurt, to be his best friend and soulmate and everything in between, it meant the world for me. I found myself tuning in more and more just to see what Kurt and Blaine were up to. Klaine is still, to this day, one of the most iconic, influential, game changing couples ever portrayed in media. They just were the show to me, and they’re a big part of why I’m still so involved in the fandom. 

Glee and Klaine are the only reasons I have friends now. It might sound a little sad, a little crazy, but it’s the truth. When my real life friends weren’t as obsessive as me anymore, I had to wade through the treacherous waters of anonymous online chats to find people who were. I connected to a handful of people from all over the world, and we went from roleplaying two fictional characters in love to getting to know one another and being real friends. (And still roleplaying fictional characters. Don’t judge me.)

When Darren went from Blaine to Hedwig, my admiration for him only expanded alongside the range in versatility of his roles. I’ll admit, when NPH starred in the Hedwig revival, I had no idea what it was. But one of my friends that I met online, he loved the musical. He got me listening to the soundtrack before I even knew the premise of it. I learned all the songs, watched the movie over and over. It quickly made its way up to being one of (if not my absolute favorite) musical. When we learned Darren would be taking over the role, we were ecstatic. 

So much so that I managed to convince my family to plan a trip to NY just so we could see the show (amongst other things). It remains to this day probably the best trip I’ve ever taken, mostly thanks in part to Darren. Getting to see him live was spectacular. He was so captivating, talented, all around amazing. He just disappeared into the role and it was mesmerizing to see, especially coming off of only seeing him as Blaine or a singing Harry Potter. The way he worked the whole crowd, even his improvised moments on stage- it all just lent itself to creating the best experience I’d ever had in a theater. 

I saw the show with my sister and my ex (now and at the time) and we waited outside at the stage door, something I’d only done a couple of times before. And sadly, I was and probably still am the type to freeze up in a situation like this, so I hardly got to say anything to Darren as he came by signing autographs. I had two playbills in hand for him to sign (one for me and one for my friend who got me into the show, because I knew he’d never get to see it), as well as a poster for me. I wanted to tell him to personalize one signature for my friend (Mike) just so it would be extra special, but I couldn’t get the words out. Darren signed what I was holding and moved on, though he did linger near us a little longer because he was talking to my ex about his outfit. He said that he admired him getting dressed up in a suit and bowtie, because no one really got dressed up for the theater anymore. After he really moved on, my ex said he felt like he could just lay down in the street and die because Darren Criss told him he liked his outfit.

But I was stubborn and determined to get the personalized autograph, so I stayed behind. We waited until Darren had gone through everyone who’d come from the show, everyone who’d just wandered up on the street for a chance to see him. He was almost on his way to the car when I reached out over the little barrier and touched his arm to get his attention. I handed him the playbill and he looked confused that I was handing him something he’d already signed. I managed to explain it was for my friend Mike, and I wanted him to make it out to him. So Darren added a “Hi, Mike!” on the front, and even drew an arrow to his name as if Mike wouldn’t know who had written that. I thanked him profusely and was still kind of in shock just from seeing him and actually touching him, and that’s definitely the best encounter with a celebrity I’d ever had. I said like two whole sentences to him, way to go, me!

Darren has truly been a household name in my family since AVPM. My sister and I watched every Starkid production several times. My whole family sat down to watch Glee every week, and then did the same for ACS. When Girl Most Likely came out, my dad took me to go see it (and the closest theater playing it was over an hour away). My parents planned a whole trip to NY just so my sister and I could see Hedwig. And on the day when the LMDC tour was the closest it would be to where I lived, my dad woke me up that morning and said “Want to go see Darren and Lea tonight?” and then drove me to see the concert. 

For over a decade now, I’ve been watching Darren’s star on the rise. He’s tackled about every single project a celebrity could tackle. Television, film, music videos, his own music (solo and in a band!), Broadway (musicals and now a play!) awards galore, and, well, lots of paid advertisement. It’s fine, he can get that coin however he wants. 

I keep saying he should be doing more. The projects he’s tackling now are small potatoes compared to what he should and could be doing. What he deserves to be doing. But at the end of the day, I know this is just the tip of the iceberg for him. There is so much more to come. Look at where he was ten years ago compared to now. And just imagine where he’ll be in ten years compared to now. 

It makes me so unbelievably happy to know that I’ve been in this talented human being’s corner from the beginning. It means a lot to me that I’ve actually got to watch someone go from basically a nobody to one of the most talented people of a generation (and actually be recognized for that talent!) It’s just an amazing feeling, and I’ve never had another celebrity that I felt like this about. Darren truly is an amazing human being. Talented, mesmerizing, magical, charismatic, kind, funny, versatile. He’s so much more than just some celebrity crush to me, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. 

I hope he has an amazing birthday today, and I hope he knows there is so much more to come. I’m going to enjoy watching where he goes from here. I’m so proud of him, I love him, Happy Birthday Darren! As if you or anyone else read this whole thing :P