#Minecraft slander

[greetings-inferiors]

INTENSE MINECRAFT SLANDER IS COMING UP

If you like Minecraft, good for you! It just isn’t for me, so I play other things. Don’t take anything I say here as an affront to your video game tastes, nothing I say is objective, it’s just how I feel. I swear I don’t hate Minecraft, but this has been bottled up inside me for a while and I needed to let it out. Please enjoy my dissent into block induced hysteria:

Okay I was going to go to bed but I saw Minecraft mentioned and just had to write this down I’ll sleep I swear

But like

OH MY GOD MINECRAFT IS THE MOST DULL GAME I’VE EVER PLAYED. I’VE GENUINELY NEVER BEEN MORE BORED IN A VIDEOGAME, ON MY OWN, WITH FRIENDS, WITH STRANGERS, IN MINIGAMES, IN CREATIVE, I DON’T KNOW HOW PEOPLE DO IT

At least security breach makes me FEEL SOMETHING. That game is so bad it makes me SAD. It makes me ANGRY. Minecraft just HURTS TO PLAY.

Literally everything combines in a way specifically I don’t enjoy. I hate sandbox games, and Minecraft is a particularly slow sandbox. It’s open world, and I have an inherent bias against open world games - if it’s a ‘just good’ open world game, I won’t enjoy it at all. It’s story is so directionless and nonexistent, and the thing I love the most about videogames as a medium is their unique way of telling stories. I hate Minecraft’s gameplay loop, you get wood to get stone, use stone to get iron, use iron to get diamond, use diamond to get netherite, which would be fine but that’s IT. Like maybe there’s going to a different dimension for netherite but mostly it’s just IT

Like terraria does have kinda a similar progression, especially in hardmode where you mine cobalt to get mithril, use mithril to get titanium, use titanium to get chlorophyte, but calamity completely solved that problem because YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO BEAT BOSSES TO GET TJEM

Oh my god, the worst part of Minecraft is the bosses, or lack thereof. The combat is so kind numbingly dull, they keep trying to fix it but it keeps not working, at least it isn’t just ‘click fast’ anymore but still. And there are only two actual bosses, and they’re both so endgame that most people have never even attempted to fight them. And what do you do once you beat the game? How do people keep playing their worlds? What do you do???? Most people have to make up their own stories because there’s just nothing to do, and that’s well and good, but I specifically play games to be told a story, not to have to make up my own. Like I said, not for me.

Lots of people compare terraria to Minecraft, but they’re not similar in any way except style. Minecraft is a sandbox (my literal least favourite type of game) and terraria is a boss fight simulator (my literal favourite type of game). Every single thing you do in terraria is to get an edge against the next boss. Most things you do in Minecraft… might have a point? Most of the point is just ‘cause I want to’ which works great as a way of viewing life but in a videogame? Where I’m trying to escape? I don’t want to be an optimistic nihilist, I want to do cool shit, and not have to spend two hours building to do that cool shit.

And the drip feed of hardly any content is just insufferable. I get why, they’re the best selling game of all time, they want to make sure everything’s perfect, but that just means that they don’t touch any of the core parts of the game, not saying they have to, because some people do enjoy it, I just don’t. I hate it. But like, the newest update added what? Frogs? It didn’t add fireflies because they wanted to be realistic, and I get why but still it just sucks either way. The actual new content makes me go ‘huh that’s neat’ and forget about it after a day. Every terraria update adds a fuck ton of new content, especially the major updates, which essentially completely overhaul the game every time, stardew valley’s major updates may as well be whole dlcs, the most recent one added A WHOLE NEW ISLAND, Minecraft doesn’t feel any different now than it did three years ago. The only exceptions are the caves, which I must admit are cool as shit, but KNLY IF I CAN STAND TO LLAY LONG ENOUGH TO FIND THEM

It also has no story to speak of. Sure you can show me the game theory videos (I’ve watched all of them) but that doesn’t fucking count, because no one would’ve noticed because it is literally matpat’s job to look over games with a fine toothed comb. My biggest requirement in games is a story. Undertale is a beautiful tale. Omori is similar. Risk of rain’s story of the two brothers and fighting to survive in a planet where everything wants to kill you is so intriguing. Team fortress 2’s characters are some of the best written characters in anything ever. Hollow knight uses environmental storytelling like nothing I’ve ever seen, and it’s lore is of a fallen kingdom, something that I absolutely adore.

Speaking of fallen kingdoms,

A FIVE MINUTE MUSIC VIDEO HAS MORE DEPTH THAN THE BEST SELLING GAME OF ALL TIME

I get why people enjoy Minecraft. it’s calming, maybe they have the patience, enjoy the zen of it, enjoy the grind, but I have never played a game that feels more like it’s designed to specifically make my life a misery with how fucking boring it makes me. The only time I’ve ever enjoyed Minecraft is watching technoblade, god rest his soul, and the dream SMP, but I DIDN’T EVEN WATCH IT. I GOT ALL MY DSMP FIX WITHOUT WATCHING THE STREAMS BECAUSE ACTUALLY WATCHING THEM PLAY MINECRAFT IS SO FUCKING ABYSMAL

I’m so sorry, if Minecraft is even in your top five games I know this is probably really saddening, but it’s just so popular and I really want to like it and I try and I try and every time I almost drive myself to tears because everyone won’t stop talking about this stupid ass boring game that I can’t bring myself to like no matter how hard I try, and it’s all just bursting out all at once. I don’t hate Minecraft, I really respect it, but I feel about it the exact same way I do about sex. It makes me feel nothing, yet I’m still compelled to try it, whether from peer pressure or libido, and everytime it makes me feel like shit because I’m trying to like something that I just don’t.

If anyone even is just neutral about Minecraft can they back me up I can’t be the only person who doesn’t like it right please can I just escape Minecraft for one week I can’t take it anymore

I HAVE MORE FUN PLAYING MINECRAFT IN SUPER SMASH BROTHERS THAN IN ACTUAL MINECRAFT. SUPER SMASH BROTHERS ULTIMATE’S STEVE IS MORE FUN THAN LITERALLY THE BEST SELLING GAME OF ALL TIME. STEVE.

Fuck

Okay I’m fine now. Minecraft just isn’t for me. Clearly it’s for some people, for some people it’s their favourite game. But literally everything it does is exactly the opposite of what I like games to do. And it’s unbearable to play.

[averiix]

There is a criminal lack of Dragonborn!Tav x companion art- so have my sketches bc I am literally obssesed with these two they will not leave my head he l p -

I am so normal about them I swear I am the most normal I am so unbelievably normal about them I promise I am so norma-

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Someone on Twitter tryna convince me Minecraft is boring

Shut up if you’ve never felt awe and wonder at every mountain peak that rises past the clouds, every crevice with lava and seawater flowing into its oblivion, every village straddled atop a rugged terrain, every sea of lava in literal hell, every fox that looks at you a split second before darting away, every cavern with its glowing lichen and pillars of dripstone and one single tiny axolotl tucked away in the smallest puddle of its deepest corner

[ggmom]

I love watching Philza on the QSMP. Like everyone else has got shaders on and ditches armor for lore and does their best to capture every moment. Not my streamer man. Its garaunteed that at least 30% of the time when cool stuff is happening he is in his inventory moving one singular irrelevent item to a corner slot, no shaders, no f1 and has to have his emotional support armour on at all times or so help him.

[thelovelydoggycatmadi]

”you mischaracterized this character!”

DON’T CARE

SHIT PISS AND CRY.

JESS DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ENOUGH TO CHARACTERIZE THE CHARACTERS PROPERLY ANYWAY, THERE PERSONALITY CHANGES DEPENDING ON WHAT UNIVERSE THERE IN.

IF I WANT TO MAKE THE CHARACTERS PERSONALITIES ACTUALLY *LIKABLE* I WILL!!!

[ekbeanie]

Mythical J Sausage did NOT get a whole animation made showing how Hermes got his powers just to fry his evil alternate dimension father to save his real father…

And Joel Lore Smallishbeans didn’t build an entire island mansion and make a brand new outfit for him

AND they didn’t beautifully coparent him together

JUST to have Hermes gain sentience Joel’s last video and call them BAD PARENTS??????

CANON REJECTED

[thebatbites]

imma keep my ting brief...

jason is a shit voice actor and jess literally eats him up every time theres an emotional scene. aphmau could be sobbing her guts out and aarons voice sounds like hes talking with cotton balls in his mouth

im not saying that jess is professional level and god knows im not a voice actor so i dont even know what its like but jason is just...

or maybe its my hate for the dude clouding my judgement

*note: i use hate as a purely parasocial type. i have no connections to jess or jason. all of my feelings are purely directed at the jason i see and not the jason irl please dont crucify me

[blastlight]

Minecraft hot take: Elytras are amazing. Fireworks, on the other hand, need to be nerfed.

[d0d0-b0i]

people stop being mean about my favorite medias challenge >:(

[lesbiansforlaurencezvahl]

What MCD characters I think would be in a sorority or not

Disclaimer I do not care if they are girls or not it’s just if they fit the vibe yknow

 Aphmau - she would for the sisterhood and philanthropy but mystreet version would maybe get scared off by sorority stereotypes. mcd would rush and not give a fuck probably but she is too busy to be in a sorority. More likely to join a coed professional/community service greek letter org. final answer is : probably not 

Garroth: no. I don't think he could learn the door songs. 

Zane: yes he would rush simply because he sees the secret society/low-key culty aspect as more followers for him Irene. gets annoyed at their rituals and starts his own sorority. Zeta Alpha Nu Epsilon. 

Vylad - too free a spirit to be tied down by sororities 

Katelyn: no but not because of internalized misogyny. she respects sororities. she simply is too serious and busy to rush and pledge. 

Lucinda- no, not really her scene but she'll sleep with sorority girls no problem

Ivy: she'd rush to become more powerful. she'd like the power trip of hazing / the superiority complex some chapters have

Laurence- yes. HEAR ME OUT. there's a high chance He would rizz up his sisters but ultimately no sororitycest here  he would appreciate the sisterhood/philanthrophies aspect 

Cadenza: eh 50/50 she'd probably rush out of boredom and then she ends up loving it. loves her littles she will not stop taking littles someone stop her. always has the best outfits at any sorority event 

Nana- fifty/fifty it's very doubtful she would rush because she's got a good thing going with her maids why would she need to add more but on the chance she did rush she'd love whatever chapter she'd end up in . runs bake sales philanthropies and always makes a killing because she convinces people to buy more than they normally would 

Dante: virgin Dante would be too scared to rush. dilfte would be too tired to rush. 

Nicole - no because she's too busy girlbossing 

Travis: hear me out - yes I think he could thrive but he would get kicked for  attempting to committ too much sororitycest

Brendan- joins to rizz girls up stays because he's found a genuine community and loves it. his sorority is the best thing to ever happen to him

Chicken Shaman: he has a chicken sorority that he founded and then got kicked out of. Eta Epsilon Nu (HEN)

[str4ng3rdanger]

bro minecraft storymode fandom if you guys are out there

can i. make a hot take

yeah okay

axel is like. kind of the worst lowkey. i could explain myself but it is 1 am and i just have to put this into the world but like. axel is the worst in terms of being jesse's friend. 9/10 times he is somehow getting jesse into a worse situation than they were previously in or is whining about jesse doing something responsibly or going along with what someone else has to say instead of him. bro is self absorbed lowkey. i write a good balance between this and why that might be and how it plays out in the future any time i think of headcanons or do fic writing but like. seriously. the first time we encounter him he scares his friends and doesn't even apologize for it (might be forgetting but there might be a dialogue option that prompts it but even still that implies he has to be told to say sorry for his prank that upset his friends) even though with most responses all leading to a negative reaction from jesse. that is our first impression of him.

anyway i don't hate axel but also 💀

[roman-cup]

MCD most hated competition?

I tried this before but never really did an official into post for it, so, no harm in trying again ye?

So, do you have a MCD character you hate? someone you utterly despite and you need to talk about it? Well, this is the place!

I want to run a poll competition for the most hated person there.

You may nominate people in my ask box (I dont understand google forms) I won't response to the asks but ill keep track of them on a google doc

I'll set the deadline for submissions for 4/9 but its subject to change

*Please note Aaron is not allowed in this due to the fact a lot of people really really dislike him, so I feel it would be less fun. Other popular character are allowed

*also this poll is for sillys please don't get heated over it

[darkdragon768]

There'll never be a main game as good as black 2/white 2.

There'll never be a better spin off than Mystery Dungeon, Ranger, Pokepark and Conquest.

There'll never be anything better than Explorers of Sky.

[huntingrays]

okay but “people who dislike certain mcc games because of personal taste, not because their faves dislike it” supremacy

[honey-valentin3]

Minecraft redstone would kill elon musk

[thelovelydoggycatmadi]

Tales of Aphmau fans part 1

that one time my friend got harassed and told them was ableist for not using /neg (they are autistic). And a kinnie of Aaron/Zane got mad but eventually they where called out for spreading a blocklist where some people where on there just bc they had a crush on ein like- KEK.