#My very first convention and no cockles and no Misha for me

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Are you a serious cockles shipper, or do you just do it for fun? No hate either way lol just wondering

okay i’m putting this under a readmore because it’s embarrassing to talk about in front of 20k people. this is my cockles manifesto:

i am, as a rule, not into rpf shipping. i have no problem with people who are, it just feels kind of weird and invasive to me so i generally avoid it.

however, i have been here since 2012, and the sheer level of unabashed shenanigans that have been beamed into my eyeballs, paired with my intuitive understanding of body language, have convinced me that misha and jensen do in fact have a private romantic/sexual relationship.

BUT i have to make it clear that i don’t mean that in a “cheating on their wives” way, but in a polyamory way - which isn’t much of a stretch, considering that we know misha and his wife are poly, and vicki literally wrote ‘the threesome’s handbook’. almost every single cockles shipper loves vicki and danneel, we are not about disrespecting or hating them whatsoever. 

now, i KNOW that saying that i believe the actors who portray my otp are in a secret relationship makes me sound insane, believe me i’m aware of that, but i’m not saying it lightly or without evidence. those of us who’ve been around a while know that it’s treated as basically an open secret in the spn fandom and among the spn cast, who very frequently make comments and allusions to them being together. jared has made SO many comments that people make posts collecting them, like this one and this one. like i said, it’s basically an open secret (like that time the show said “they’re a couple in real life”). here’s some Highly Suspicious Stuff: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14/15, 16, 17, 18, 19/20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43

i mean... 

but it’s important to make clear that if either of them EVER seemed uncomfortable with us shipping them and making jokes and comments, i would absolutely stop. i respect them and i don’t ever want to make them feel creeped out or like their privacy is violated. but the thing is, they not just ‘not uncomfortable’, they very deliberately egg us on. misha loves to make ‘cockles’ puns, they happily do silly photo ops implying they’re together, and they both love to post photos of themselves together, knowing quite well how we go crazy for it. 

like the above selfie, where they posed chest to chest, and this actual ‘anniversary’ photo jensen posted, celebrating ten years of the first time he took misha out to dinner, actually tracking down the same restaurant and the same table.

or these really adorable photos of the boat trip they took with both their families:

and of course the beloved sunset photo:

every time they have a panel together (which usually only happens at the yearly roman convention known as jibcon), their antics get wilder. the first time i went “wait...” was in 2013, when they dry-humped onstage.

and by 2019, we have jensen eagerly throwing himself down on the stage (to reenact a scene between castiel and sam) so misha could get on top of him and mime choking him, and then pretty obviously getting a boner because of it (video). oh and i can’t possibly leave out the kissing (bonus gifs, and more), or the panel where jensen got drunk and opened his pants to show misha his underwear.

their body language around each other is so different from how they are around anyone else (except their wives). like, you can see how jensen and jared love each other and what good friends they are by how they play off each other and have an easy camaraderie, but as soon as jensen gets around misha, he can’t take his eyes off him. he stares, he giggles like a fool over not-that-funny jokes (we call it his unicorn laugh), he looks absolutely besotted, and they’re constantly gravitating to each other and touching each other in really intimate ways: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

honestly, there have been so many Shenanigans over the last 12 years that i can’t even remember them all, or find them all in my archives. there’s been clothes sharing/swapping, there’s jensen’s inexplicable kink for misha’s bad accents, the time misha reenacted the fake orgasm scene from when harry met sally and jensen, um, liked it (bonus), their matching bracelets and rings (and another ring), how very enthusiastic jensen is about calling misha “dmitri”, how jensen grumpily insists he can’t remember last week but jumps at the chance to tell the story of how he met misha and the first time he went to dinner with misha and misha told the server to bring them “the three least ordered dishes on the menu” (seriously, they tell the story of how they met all the time), the number of times they’ve been suspiciously late to their autograph and photo op sessions...

here’s some more adorable: 

gag reel compilation 

resume battle 

“i love you” 

best moments compilation 

really bad dancing 

gently bullying 

jensen praising misha 

jensen gushing over misha 

lowkey hand-holding 

“i’d take jensen home” 

bickering 

the time misha tried to sneak up but jensen could see him in the monitor 

knock knock 

supportive jensen 

“you drew the black penis?” 

destiel or cockles?? 

bowtie adjusting 

jensen losing his fucking mind over meeting a dog named misha 

whatever this is?? 

some sdcc shenanigans 

shenanigans 

“aloha, cowboy” 

when jensen pied misha 

“dapper as always” 

the way jensen likes being bossed around... (bonus angle)

that time jensen tried to facetime misha so he could participate in a panel 

“who said it” game 

misha gazing at jensen

stuck in the space pants together 

2011 jibcon highlights 

blowing a kiss 

jensen straddling misha on set 

that time misha accidentally (?) tweeted out a cockles post, 

jensen elbowing jared because he wants to play foosball opposite misha 

the mirroring compilation

“who doesn’t love freckles?”

jensen falls over laughing because misha is wearing socks

the infamous reverse french mistake edit

jensen asked misha to autograph his sign

that time they showed up wearing the same suit

cute whispering and giggling

jensen calling misha his ‘pebble’

“how are you?” compilation

jensen brought a shirt to give to misha

“he’s like a little puppy”/”he’s like a little teddy bear”

jensen’s accent kink reappears / and again

"jensen’s the horse”/”my kids have seen jensen having sex many times”

“so it’s like football...”

jensen reminiscing on when they met

and look, despite all that, it’s honestly not about fantasizing about two hot guys fucking, or anything sexual at all. whatever they actually are, they love each other, they make each other happy, and getting to see it makes me happy. it’s something good in the world, these two sweet idiots loving each other and letting us see the fact that they love each other. 

so, uh, i guess to answer your question, i’m serious. but i do try not to cross the line between what happens publicly and what’s private. from what’s shown in public, i draw these conclusions, because, well,

[uncreative-user-name]

I think Cockles broke up. There is an article here.

The owner of the article does not like Misha, but what she wrote may be true

https://nothingidputbeforeyou.tumblr.com/post/667094787036495872/just-found-out-that-j2-were-fighting-backstage

I’ve a actually seen this person’s post before. Here’s the deal, as you’ve said, they are very pro-J2/Wincest and very anti-Misha. They even call those of us who are Misha Stans ‘morons,’ so I think it’s suffice to say they’re reaching when they says Jensen doesn’t like Misha. But their post doesn’t really prove Cockles broke up.

It’s really hard for me to believe them. Example: she said Jensen looked mad when Misha crashed his panel back in Denver Con.

Ummm we’re they looking at the same panel vids and pics we were?! 🤣

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s some stills:

Clearly this person lied or are willfully in denial about Jensen not hugging Misha. My guess is they didn’t actually finish watching the panel vid.

And as for Misha brushing off Jensen’s arm, it seemed all in good fun for Jensen calling him a soft plushy. The only time Mish seemed ‘annoyed’ was when Jensen starting talking about Covid. And his annoyance, to me, appears to be more of a serious, sobering nature. It’s no lie that Covid is a serious issue that has killed over 5 million people. So why would Mish smile and flirt when Jensen was talking about such a somber topic? That’d be just tactless, and Misha is anything but when it comes to something so heartbreaking.

Anyways, the thing is, even if they have broken up, I don’t think it’s in Jensen’s nature/character to ever allow himself to emotionally hurt someone he cares about.

My hope is that it’s just his hectic life that is causing him to be a little more stand-offish and not a breakup. There is hope though— I mean he did just bless us with a video on Twitter of him, Jensen and Jared backstage goofing around. I wonder if maybe CE is behind his mood? They purposely ostracize him from J2 every convention. Who knows, they may have even told Mish to tone it down during pics.

I’ll know more tomorrow when I see them during ops. That is if I don’t pass out from an aneurism at the sight of them in all their gorgeous glory first.

[cooloddball]

This is going to be a super long analysis of jib3 starting with the opening ceremony to the closing ceremony so brace yourselves. 

Please note I believe in the breakup theory so maybe my opinion in this one might be biased so please don’t come for me, lol.

I will put it under the cut to avoid overcrowding your dashes with cockles shenanigans. 

Also, watch out for profanities and mature language.

And so it begins...

Opening ceremony

The camera used to record the opening ceremony is shaky. 

Misha, Jason Manns, and Jarpad seem to be having a lot of fun together and Jensen is just looking at his besties talking to the man he loves and he knows he can’t have that so he just stands there looking at them. Poor guy.

Jarpad asks who took Misha’s riffle? Things are awkward, I honestly don’t know what’s going on.

Misha kisses a plushie while making eye contact with Jensen and Jensen is like “oh, oh, wow” while making eye contact with Misha. LOL. Jack help me. This is a lot!!!

Jensen takes a plushie from Sebastian and Jared takes the one Misha had.

Are you guys flirting about trying to see whether you can keep plushies alive?

Misha throws something at the fans, I think he was throwing treats from earlier or whatever it was and Jensen says “Misha is still throwing” I mean why?

Cockles Panel

Jensen is so extra in this panel.

First of all, when he and Misha come out (no pun intended) a song starts playing and he starts dancing. Jensen is usually so poised while dancing but he is over the top throwing his back and shaking his tush for the mish.  I think he was trying a little too hard. Misha spares his ex-boyfriend’s tush a glance smiles and looks away. LOL. The whole thing was cringey, tbh. It was so unlike Jensen.

When Sebastian touches Jensen’s shoulder and says something to Jensen, he [Jensen]  laughs way too hard. I would say he laughs abnormally-it’s loud and he throws his whole body into it like he’s trying to prove what Sebastian was funny and it probably wasn’t. He laughs so hard he ends up right on Misha’s side. and Misha laughs at that though.

Rich says something about something in the sac that hurts(It’s incoherent) and Jensen says it hurts right here pointing at his heart (I can’t hear what they are saying exactly so if anyone knows please let me know)

I don’t know if Mark P. was going to hug Jensen or not or he was pointing at something behind Jensen, but at that moment, Jensen sees Sebastian going to hug Misha and whips his head away from Mark P’s direction so fast he almost broke his neck.

Sebastian humps Misha (these two are so playful I love them) and Jensen is just there acting awkward 

There’s a comment by Rich about “It’s over, the convention’s over I’m no longer your bitch” I don’t know who this is about.

Now, now, now. This whole time Rich is doing a kissy mouth with his fingers on the monitor behind Jensen and Misha. His hand is right where Misha is standing (you’ll understand once you watch it) so Jensen makes a kissy face back and Misha is blushing? Ummm wtf is going on here?

Jensen also does something strange that he never does during cockles panels he pulls his seat away from Misha.

Misha makes a very weird comment about Sebastian’s libido drying up and they have a weird conversation about libido and Viagra ads. It’s weird.

It gets even more awkward Jensen talks about bringing a total stranger, and a blind date. And it goes downhill from there with them. The it wasn’t you it was me speech. It was special. So heartbreaking. It was clearly not about the show but about their relationship. I always have a difficult time getting through that part. It’s so awkward that the fans are just there wondering what the hell is going on.

They decide to take questions and the fan is all over the place so Misha interjects but Jensen won’t let Misha say what he wants to say so he says, “This is why you make it awkward. You never let people finish what they are saying.” Ouch. Domestic dispute vibes anyone?

The way Jensen is looking up at Misha when he’s answering that question. It’s like he wants to sear his face into his memory before they leave Rome.

Jensen is explaining to a fan how one of the four sound stages they had on set was full of furniture and Misha adds “and soiled mattresses”  I mean what was the reason? Did they soil the mattresses with their [redacted]

A fan mentions something about Dean and Cas so these two adorable dorks smile and share a look. Things are starting to look up. Thank Jack.

The fan says something again (I can’t make out what he’s saying) but it must be something nice because they look at each other with smiles on their faces again.

Jensen playing with the head of his microphone. Is it just me or did the temperature rise a notch higher?

The way they look at each other when the fan says to help him choose the hottest female cast member on the show 

Then something freaky happens they say the exact same thing as twins or bffs do sometimes. LOL.

When they start talking about the hot women with the fans Misha moves his entire body and now instead of looking at the fans, he is seated facing Jensen.  The tension is simmering down.

A point to note is that in all their panels they always sit angled facing each other as opposed to facing the crowd save for this panel and DCCON 2019. But for DCCON I can understand that they weren’t comfortable being meant to be a J/2 panel and a creation event. So you know some people in that crowd are super mean to Mish and others to Jensen, so they had to tread carefully. But I digress back to the chaos.

They ask who wants to have a cockles panel the next year and they both raise their hands. I thought that was sweet

 It’s adorable how Jensen keeps repeating everything Misha is saying.

Misha forgets himself and moves too close to Jensen to listen to the song on the phone. Jensen turns to look at Misha, I don’t know what that look is but Misha backs away laughing.

Jensen’s face journey while listening to that song is gold.

Misha moves closer to listen to the song.  I have to say the way they are standing is not usually how two bros listening to music usually stand. If you know what I mean

 Misha agrees that’s definitely Jensen singing. Of course, he knows because Mr. “Jensen sings to me all the time”

He looks so proud of him.  I’d venture to say he’s happy to hear Jensen sing because he has always been so shy about that fact about himself. He even gives him a standing ovation. That’s so adorable. He loves him. My heart.

Jensen is so cute trying to deny it’s not him singing that song.  Yeah, it’s you, Jensen. Even your ex agrees it’s you and we bet he knows how your voice sounds in all kinds of situations ;)

we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you. Jensen’s adorable smile when Misha says that. Aww.

The way they are not even looking at each other but they are seated the exact same way.

Allow me to explain to my friend here. Explains how his parents didn’t know whether he was a boy or a girl. Misha with the steel chair, “when did they figure out that you were a boy?”

How many years did they call you holly?

For six to seven years

Is it just me or is this conversation a flashback of teenage twink-lesbian Jensen years?

Fan asks whether Dean will ever forgive Cas. Watch Misha’s body language, he is trying to pacify himself by rubbing the back of his neck and fumbling with his shirt.

When Jensen says “ No!” without a moment’s hesitation, Misha looks distraught? I don’t know maybe I’m reading too much into this but I feel like this hit too close to home being that they were most likely broken up.

Misha however has a different opinion, “I think he has” 

Jensen says, “Wishful thinking” and that elicits a smile from Misha.

A fan asks about Dean giving Cas the trenchcoat back and things get interesting.  Weirdly, that Jensen can’t say the word gay out loud. He literally uses the word “unmanly” in its stead in the guise of censorship? It’s not a bad word Jensen you can say it. However, Misha and the fans say the word so I’m wondering who is censoring Jensen’s use of that word. He eventually says it but super fast.

Jensen says that saying “I always knew you would come back” is not something he would say to another human being, especially a man. Jesus, there’s nothing wrong with saying that to another human being you care about. He’s the one making it gay. He was extra when answering that one.

They spent one and half hours making that scene just to end up not saying anything and it ended up looking gay anyway. Anyway, that’s interesting.

 Jensen angles his body towards Mish and says in a very low soft and sexy voice “I guess I really hoped that you would come back some day” I would venture to say that Jensen at the moment in the panel was actually saying them to Misha. Who knows though?

They talk about it a whole lot for something that bothered him that much. 

Misha being so excited about recreating a scene when a fan told Jarpad he’s amazing and Jarpad said "you are welcome. 

 “I think I understand what she wants. I’m not sure what she’s gonna get.” This is a very good line Misha. I will be using it often.

The way they awkwardly stand too close and whisper to each other. Umm…what is going on here?

Jensen folds over laughing because of something Misha says. They are back. The tension is almost 90% gone now and they are in their element.

The chaos of recording the alarm ringtone for the fan was just great to watch. They kept getting closer and closer and I think they might have shared spit at that point. Gross….LOL

The way Misha is sitting is he you know.

Jensen asking Misha whether he was saying anything or just screaming while they were recording. I think he just wanted to see Misha smile.

Jensen’s joy when a fan mentions that they have Misha’s résumé.

Jensen saying the word shit made my day. I curse a  lot and it made me feel validated somehow.

Misha calls him dickhead in return and Jensen stops functioning and laughs instead . He also gets all hot and bothered trying to fumble with the lapel of his shirt.  He does this a lot when he is turned on. He has a humiliation kink I think.

They start talking over each other about Misha’s special skills. Looks like Jensen might have known beforehand because he went straight for that. Or maybe he didn’t know but he knew since Misha is a mad genius there must be some amazing things in there. Either way, it was a good moment.

OMG Jensen is so excited and the way he motions to Misha to bring that résumé to him, LOL. This man was thirsty AF.

He even goes down from the stage to meet Misha and invades his personal space trying to reach the résumé. I think this is the moment the tension between them dissipated completely and they were back to some form of normalcy.

Misha holding Jensen’s shoulder trying to get his résumé back. Unsucessfully, I should add.

They read something funny and they fold over laughing and spin around like overjoyed seals. It is far removed from the mollusk family but at least it’s still a sea creature (I don’t know what I’m saying please don’t mind me)

Jensen is still on his knees laughing and can’t get up. As I said, he is being too extra in this panel.

 Misha is trying to talk but they both can’t stop laughing. I think Jensen laughed so hard he got an extra set of abs that day.

Jensen is still laughing and you know what he is laughing at? Misha’s special skills being acting on camera. I mean it’s funny but man, prayforjensen.

 They are still laughing. Jack, help them.

The way Jensen looks at Misha with pure adoration here makes me so happy and reminds me of the fictional characters they played being all heart eyes for each other.

 Misha laughed so hard he cried.

Jensen trying to read the next ‘special skill’ Misha has but he can’t even talk because of how funny he thinks it is. He’s trying so hard not to laugh but he can’t help himself.

Jensen agreeing and also asking the audience to agree that Misha has a knack for certain accents. Accent kink anyone?

 Jensen is so excited when Misha starts Tibetan throating singing and does the unicorn laugh facing away from the crowd. Bet he has experienced Misha’s Tibetan throat singing skills on a personal when they are (loud overhead helicopter noises followed by thunder rumbling)

Jensen falling to the ground after feigning a heart attack once he saw that Misha is a certified EMT. I mentioned before that I honestly, 100% think he wanted mouth to mouth. There’s no other explanation. He could’ve feigned a nose bleed or just about any other illness but he chose to fall on a dirty floor and lay down so Misha could either give him the breath of life or straddle him. Luckily for him his dream came true 7 years later at Jib9 when straddle gate happened. But I digress

Too bad Misha was still mad at him and heartbroken so he kicked him instead.

Jensen knowing that Misha kayaks seems to be part of his personal knowledge. Maybe they did it together sometimes.

Horseback riding. Hmm is it just me or do they seem awkward here?

 Misha is so close to Jensen’s armpits. Must be missing his man’s musk and being held in those muscular arms again. Poor baby.

Misha can’t talk because of how funny he finds bicycle touring. I mean…I don’t see what’s funny but I guess he knows why it’s funny.

Misha laughing and raises his legs because Jensen is elaborating on the bicycle touring. Maybe it’s an inside joke or maybe it’s no longer funny to me because I’ve watched this panel like 5 times.

 I think Jensen’s goal was to see Misha laugh and be happy because he turned to look at Misha who was still laughing hard and the joy on Jensen’s face. Aww.

Misha gravitating towards his man again. He must smell really nice Misha. And those arms. Bet he used to lift you against the wall and (this fucking thunder won’t stop rambling. Are chuck and Amara fighting again?)

Jensen marketing his man’s carpentry skills but then makes sure to make it ‘no homo’ by saying he would never sit on anything Misha has built. Sure Jan. Then he circles back and says that he knows that he can build things.

Misha walks away from him and he looks up to make sure where he is going. Maybe he was afraid Misha was walking out on him. (PTSD from their breakup?)

They mention acting on camera again.

And laugh 

Jensen keeps talking about the acting on camera and watches to see if Misha is still laughing  He still is and Jensen is happy that his baby is happy. He looks at him again and he is still happy that Misha is still happy. Then once the laughter dies down he starts talking about bicycle touring  and checks again to see if Misha is laughing which he is so Jensen throws his head back  unicorn laughing and then looks at Misha again to see that he’s still laughing. Then they look at each other and say something maybe it’s about that was a good laugh. Jensen is wiping tears from his eyes because of how hard he laughed  Misha does the same. That entire thing was insane and they seemed to love it.

 Jensen starts saying that being this happy or goofing around is how they are on set sometimes and have to take a 5-10 minute break and Misha doesn’t seem too happy at the mention of the set. 

Jensen knowing that you can buy résumés on eBay. Did he buy Misha’s and then plant someone in the audience to bring it up or? Okay, yeah I know I’m reaching here but it’s probable.

 I guess my theory wasn’t farfetched because Jensen says that he’s pretty sure that Jarpad put it on eBay the previous night so maybe he is the one who did all that to win Misha back?

Jensen knows the appellation clogging is a stretch. Seems like Misha has told him about it before.

Jensen looking at his watch to see if they have time for  Misha to be telling a story about his high school sweetheart and now wife. I bet he wishes Misha could tell their love story so openly. He can’t stop looking at Misha.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha here. WTF man? He’s literally confused about what the question is.

The personal space question. This whole thing was just so many things. It was awkward, cringey, thirsty, funny.

when the fan asks whether there’s a funny fact between Jensen and Misha. I almost fainted. What? And Jensen repeats it. The two men are so stoic. They are not even looking at each other. They are looking at the fan like the way a statue stares at you, unmoving. Cringe.

The room is so quiet. Poor girl, I hope she didn’t feel awkward afterwards because if it were me, I would’ve cried from how stoic they looked and how quiet everyone was.

How they both scratch themselves, Misha on the head and Jensen on the nose. Maybe the question hit too close to home

Jensen turns to look at Misha as if to say ’help me out here man. We don’t wanna disappoint our fans.”

Misha gets it because he gets up. This whole thing is gold.

The way Jensen breathes out in anticipation. I know it was like they were playing a skit about personal space but why was he breathing like that? Shouldn’t he have been playing it as ‘uncomfortable’ not ‘turned on.’ Boudoir mannerisms.

Moving on Misha is unsure on where to touch Jensen 40.31. This is weird in and of itself because usually, they don’t have a problem touching each other’s faces, tush, eggplants, (jib4 anyone), backs et cetera. But now it’s weird? *cough* breakup *cough*

Misha touches Jensen’s ear and Jensen literally moans. He frigging moans people. In case it is not clear in the video, here is an isolated audio version of it. Jensen is also fumbling with his shirt like he’s all hot and bothered. Just like Misha did earlier. Was Jib3 their couple’s therapy that reminded them how happy and horny they made each other?

Jensen is really not answering the question, to be honest. He’s fumbling for words and trying so very hard to make sense but his word are  incoherent.

Misha going in for the nose dip. I know friends do this all the time but you have to be very close and familiar with someone such as a friend friend or a sibling for you to poke a finger in their nose. I mean noses are slimy and eww…anyway. That happened. They seem so comfortable with it. Jensen I love you but please stop talking.

The way Jensen looks at Misha. He has the cutest smile on his face as if saying thank you for making that fun and making me horny, I still want you.

Misha wiping his pinky that touched Jensen’s nose on his pants. (I wanted to add something disgusting about what heshould’ve done with that pinky but I won’t so let’s move on)

Jensen wiggling his nose.

When Misha suggests that Spn moves to Nickolodeon. Jensen laughs a bit too hard.

Misha talking about spn being a puppet show reminds me of how he mentioned them having a puppet show in Jensen’s backyard after the show is over.

Jensen also saying that in a way spn is a puppet show. I mean is someone making snide comments about how their strings get pulled and sometimes they are not happy about it. Like how they fired his boyfriend. It seems like it’s an inside joke.

They named the plushie Zippy aww :))

For jack’s sake guys, the way they look at each other when they mention that the  résumé was the highlight of the panel.

Jensen saying the more dirt you dig up on Misha, the more rewarded you are. Aww, someone’s trying to win his man back by any means necessary. You go girl…I mean Jensen.

He talks more about how he’s looking forward to next year when fans have more dirt on his friend Misha. Jensen didn’t want to leave the stage, he was lingering so he could spend more time with Misha.

It’s over guys.

Closing Ceremony

I know you didn’t ask for the closing ceremony but here you go. It’s a free gift.

Can I just mention how Jarpad is an overactive puppy? He has to play with anything and everything he finds.

The mc announces Misha twice for some reason. The second time Jensen looks in Misha’s direction with a small smile on his face. He [Jensen] is also chewing vigorously.

Jensen and Jarpad being typical dude bros and karate chop Rich. This is why the difference between his relationship with Jarpad and Misha stands out. He would be too busy making heart eyes to Misha to kick another guy. LoL.

Jensen hulking out when Jarpad is taking a video of everyone. Lol. This video keeps reiterating my point that his relationship with the two men is just different.

Jensen keeps looking in Misha’s direction, Misha who is busy talking to Steve and having fun. Let me also mention Steve is Jensen’s bestie and so are Jarpad and Misha, but I’m sure that Jensen felt some type of way, jealous when they were having so much fun with his man and he couldn’t. Jarpad also takes a while filming Misha for Jensen of course. They remind me of me having a crush back when I was in school. Wait, did Misha look at Jensen? It’s hard to see because the angle of the video is not expansive but I guess he was.

As soon as Jarpad gets back, Jensen takes the camera from him and starts filming fans. I’m sure he just wanted Misha to look at him

Rich mention’s Misha and something about acting on camera and Jensen licks his lips looking at Misha (I think).

Jensen then vigorously grabs the microphone from someone immediately and mention’s Misha. Jarpad’s reaction at that moment tells you everything you need to know about what’s going on between Jensen and Misha. It looks like he is pleading with Jensen in his head saying, “Don’t embarrass yourself bro. Please don’t” but it’s too late.

Jensen again talks about Misha’s résumé and specifically about acting on camera, the thing that made Misha laugh out loud during their panel. Someone’s smitten. Defending his ex-man.

Jarpad goes to whisper something to Misha. And they laugh while Jensen is thanking the jib staff for doing an amazing job. But when he sees the duo laughing, he loses track of thought and says “and they are all getting married”  dude what ??? How do you go from thanking people who worked on the convention and in .1 seconds you are talking about they are all getting married? Who is? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? No one gets it, he says he’s kidding and gives Jarpad the microphone, spares a glance at Misha and he seems distraught from that moment on. I wish I could see Misha’s face through all this.

He’s glancing in Misha’s direction again. Man’s got it bad. What?! Oh to be loved by Jensen Ackles. Misha must be a prize, I know he is a mad genius and gorgeous and sexy as hell with that golden skin that looks like it was dipped in gold and honey, big blue eyes that are bluer than the bluest blue, but Jensen wtf man? You are in public.

 I think Jarpad is telling Jensen something maybe it has to do with what he and Misha were talking about earlier?

And it’s over people.

Overall, I agree with the breakup theory. I mean the way these two were acting around each other was very strange. If you watch Misha and Jarpad, they seem okay from the opening ceremony up till the end but Jensen and Misha are just being weird.

The panel was mostly fun but their body language told a story that something was definitely going on between them. 

@littlewolf2703

[whengeorgiawentblue]

I've always considered I guess Misha to be 50/50 where as Jensen maybe more like 40/60 in terms of being attracted to women and men (or maybe like 30/70) - what makes you say that Jensen is more like 90% into men and 10% into women? I also think looking at his dating history he seems to have kind of just floated from one relationship to the next? Except for a five year gap where he wasn't dating anyone, and then two relationships before he met Dee and well Misha has mostly been with Vicki since he was a teen and they may have had sex with other people in terms of being polyamarous. But then again some people really find their sexuality later in life so, we could always say that kind of like Dean is like is the same for Jensen? But then we have to be careful not to imprint Dean's personality on Jensen cause Dean's a fictional character and we don't know Jensen at all except what he shows on social media and conventions etc.

Listen, when I started to learn about cockles, my first thought (is what people call "headcanon"?) was that Jensen was straight until he met Misha and found out he was into men. I'm talking from my own experience with bisexual men, I have known quite a lot who discovered they were into men quite late in their lives, some of them in their 20s, other in their 30s, or even in their 40s... so I thought Jensen could be the same.

But then I read other blogs about Jensen's past relationships with women (I can't remember which blogs or posts, sorry), and people pointed out Jensen's relationships with women were quite special... like, apparently he wasn't possessive at all, and that's weird because we all know how possessive and jealous Jensen gets with Misha. There were other things but now I can't recall of.

Then other hints that he may had sex with men before meeting Misha: Jared's comments about Jensen and that acting coach and what happened "between Jensen and the wall" (seriously Jared, shut the fuck up...), or the speculation that Jensen and Jeffrey Dean Morgan had a thing (this is purely tinhating, of course). Or the rumours that he had a relationship with one of the actors of Day of Our Lives.

All these things changed my mind about Jensen's sexuality, and it made more sense to me the idea that Jensen has been always queer from the start.

About the vibes of Jensen being 90% into men and 10% into women, first I have to make clear that this is my personal opinion and of course I'm probably wrong: Jensen and Dee look really cute, like the perfect couple, they are supercute and sweet and there are a lot of love, but that's everything I see (or everything they decided to show us in public, of course they aren't going to post a video of them having sex lol). Then I see Jensen with Misha and he's literally an uncontrollable volcano of scorching, red-hot passion. Like, Jensen always seems so quiet, articulate, very moderated and brainy, in total control of his feelings, but the second Misha is around he loses control and become totally unhinged. That makes me think Jensen is extremely attracted to Misha because he's far more into men than into women.

[mishacollinsthighsss]

I felt like Misha has been a little off too just looking at photos from the last 2 cons. 🥺 Specifically with Jensen. Jensen is touchy and Mish just seems stiff. I have an op with J2M tomorrow so I hope I can discern his body language better. But during signing he seemed distant, a little concise. Which honestly with the tornadoes isn’t super surprising. We were all up at 3:15am for about an 1hr 15min waiting to see it would pass. On top of that, he was coming back from EU, so that’s no surprise I guess. But he’s also had a really rough year.

I’m hoping the Cockles thing isn’t a breakup

Hey there!

Sorry I just woke up, so if this doesn't make much sense, I apologize ajshsjs

First of all: I think Misha has a lot going on in his life right now. His projects, private things (which I won't bring now, but I hope you know what I'm talking about)... there's a lot, plus the cons, so I bet he's very tired at the moment. As you said, he was in Europe the day before (I'm from Europe and I was TRYING to stay awake for all of the con day... I didn't make it ajshsj) so that's probably a huge factor as well. Also, the tornado warning in the middle of the night (thank God you're all safe 💙). There's just a lot going on for him right now, and of course that also shows in one way or the other.

As to Cockles: I think they're perfectly fine. I feel like if something had happened/changed between them, we'd know. When it comes to Cockles, the main thing to look at is Jensen (for me, at least), because in my opinion, he's miserably failing to control his feelings/expressions around Misha. And from what I see, Jensen is perfectly fine being with Misha, touching him every chance he gets, and he looks happy when they're together.

So no, I don't think we have to worry. Misha has a lot going on in his life, and I think that being at conventions during covid is also a factor that attacks your mental health, not just because you could get sick, but also because you could go home and infect people you love without knowing.

Sorry this got long and I was probably rambling a lot ajshsjsh I'm so jealous of you being at the con, I hope you have LOTS of fun and please, stay safe! 💙

And tell Misha I love him hehe

[stefsdean]

I wish Jensen was as horrified by people shipping Dean with his brother as he seems to be over Destiel.

Heya Anon,

I get what you’re saying and I think @wemakeitupaswego explained it better than I ever could.

But i would add a few things to it. Yes Jensen has acted very annoyed and even disgusted with destiel a couple of times but said “whatever floats your boat” when it came to w*ncest. That in itself has always been suspicious to me tbh. A guy okay with people shipping brothers but not best friends. No he is not homophobic, obviously. But it was about something else, something more personal which is very clear from the way he reacts to it. Actually, I think Jensen is indeed very complicated and actually answering the question to why he does what he does is a hard task. But let’s give it a try.

People ship brothers even though they know there is nothing between them cuz ofc they are brothers. Jensen and Jared make fun of it, joke about it because that isn’t real. There is nothing between him and Jared to be visible on screen.. So he’s cool with it. He has even sarcastically called w*ncest “a hot fantasy” because THAT IS ALL IT IS, A FANTASY. They have mocked the ship in the show itself and there is literally that line said by Dean “they do know we are brothers right?” to which Sam replied that it doesn’t make a difference to them(the shippers). That is how they see that ship. Weird but okay if that’s what you want to ship, fine.

Untrue in the case of Destiel. First let me put my tinhat on. Everyone started shipping them because the tension was so palpable, in the very first scene they had together, and because of the way they always looked at each other. Jensen was not doing that on purpose for the initial years. Later on Jensen contributed a lot to the ship which i would mention at the end. He is a great actor and he takes pride in it. Now imagine being a good actor, and your feelings/ attraction to your co-star bleeds through the screen so much that majority of the population has started shipping your characters(very seriously) even when it is not supposed to be a romantic relationship. Even I would have been annoyed if I was in his place. People weren’t supposed to see that. And Jensen was not comfortable talking about it. Because that put a question on his professionalism and ofc on Dean being bisexual. He is so connected to Dean. And in his mind he wasn’t playing Dean as bi, it would be kinda annoying that people believed in it so much. 

One other reason could be that they were not allowed to talk about it. It has been proven that they actually were silenced by Warner brothers, even at the conventions, it was kinda prohibited to mention of destiel. I mean idk about their lives much but.... yeah it’s possible that he was avoiding the questions bc of this reason.

Now when destiel was mentioned on the show, Sam and Dean reacted to it very differently than how they did to w*ncest. Dean went all ?????? and then they actually confirm cockles using destiel. That girl said you cannot spell subtext without s-e-x while looking at Siobhan and Kristen implying that Jen mish have sex ?? idk..... and Sam is like oh cool but I have better ideas for ship names. xD they never denied it or said but we’re just friends or stuff like that. And Dean acts all grumpy which is so cute. 

Now that’s all in the past. Let’s talk about recent events. Jensen was very much in support of the confession scene. He talks about destiel happily. When Misha said “I’m trying not to say our characters our having sex”, Jensen smiled. Other than all this, we have now been getting a lot of scripts. And we found out that most of the scenes which solidify destiel for us, were not scripted. It was all JACTING JOICES. Jensen might have not been okay with talking about it, but he definitely was in support of the ship behind the scenes. He knew we notice, he knew we ship and he still chose to do things like shouting Cas’ name, cradling his face after the reunion hug which they had to cut, giving the idea that Cas took the knife out of his back pocket and a lot of other things. Someone horrified with the ship would never do such things. NEVER. 

Sorry for the length of this answer. 

[fangirlingtodeath513]

The Cockles Breakup Theory - Jensen

So I’ve previously posted here about the Cockles Breakup Theory, but that focused more on Misha’s side of it since Misha’s side was a bit more obvious. I’ve gotten a few requests to do one specifically focusing on Jensen, so here we are. 

First of all, under no circumstances is this to be brought up with any of the cast or crew. Discussions like this are born in the fandom space and they’re meant to stay there. Please do not use these posts, or posts similar to this, to push an agenda with the actors, their families, or anyone else. This is purely speculative and purely for fun.

Throwing this under a cut because it’s gonna get long.

I’m gonna start out by giving a rough overview for those of you that don’t remember. We’re hovering between October of 2011 and somewhere around August of 2012. So we’re in season 7, where it looks like Cas has been removed from the show permanently. 

Misha shows up drunk and ornery all through Asylum 7, which was the following weekend. Jensen looks relatively unfazed. We don’t see much from him until well after fans were made aware of Misha’s return around December of 2011. 

The whole thing starts with this tweet from Misha:

[A screenshot of a tweet from Misha Collins on October 21, 2011. It reads: “I’m not normally one to talk coworkers, but Jensen jus let me take this picture of him shirtless.” This is followed by a link that leads to a very close-up picture of the left side of Jensen Ackles’ face, from his forehead to the bottom of his nose.]

This is pretty on-the-nose (pardon the pun) even for Misha, who’s typically very flirty and jokey with his friends. I’ve seen people theorize that this particular post is what spurred their breakup, in addition to the other factors of Misha being let go from the show and not being on set in Vancouver with Jensen anymore. My personal theory is that their relationship, whatever it was at the beginning, was as much of a comfort thing as it was a relationship. They were there for weeks at a time, away from their families, and I don’t doubt that they took comfort in each other. When that factor was removed, that relationship basically fell apart. I’m sure Misha being so jokingly open about their relationship didn’t strike Jensen in the best way either. He’s always been an intensely private person, though he has opened up to fans more recently, and I’m sure any insinuation that he’s living anything other than the life of the normal American male makes him nervous.

The Jensen side of this is generally thought of like this: from mid-October 2011 (the time of Misha’s tweet, which is thought to have started the breakup) to roughly February 2012, Jensen was super tight-lipped about Misha and Cas. He hardly says anything, which some people write off because Misha and Cas weren’t on the show. However, the fans knew Misha would be back in December of 2011, so J2M probably knew before that and Jensen was still tight-lipped about Misha and Cas. 

Somewhere around February, though, something happened. Jensen’s a lot more open with talking about Cas and whenever he brings up Misha, he always mentions how much he helps to carry the show and how great he is, almost like he’s trying to praise him at every opportunity. Throughout panels between February and August 2012, he does just about everything he can to get Misha’s attention. He flirts with him, pulls him into the conversation as often as he can, and brings up Misha/Cas even when he’s not around.

There’s this set of gifs regarding Jensen speaking about Cas and the loss of Cas during season 7. He’s overly nice in them and gushes about Cas, leading some people to believe he was trying to get Misha’s attention and show him that he really did care. 

In this set of gifs from February-ish 2012, you’ve got him saying he’ll take Misha back on the show with a pleased smile.

At Nashcon in February, Jensen is asked what it’s like to have Misha back on set and he says “It’s very refreshing, you know, he’s one of the family.”

And of course, there are the various statements about Dean taking Cas’s trenchcoat from the water, which wasn’t scripted. Misha said at an earlier con that he thought Dean was overly obsessed with Cas and that it was super creepy which, if you pay any attention to Misha at all, is super out of character for him. As far as I’m aware, he’s always been super supportive of Deana and Cas’s relationship (romantic or not). Also at Nashcon, Jensen says he discussed the move with the director, Guy Bee, and “if [Cas] ever comes back, he’s gonna need the trenchcoat.”

And then we’re onto JIB3 in April 2012. This one’s… rough, to say the least. For anyone who watches the Cockles panels at JIB, you know what they’re usually like: fun, flirty, usually with drunk Jensen and Misha. Misha almost always takes the lead in their panels because he’s always been the one more comfortable in front of fans, but this time he just sits back and watches. It’s the panel Cockles fans look forward to all year, but this one was… well, see for yourself.

Jensen kinda carries the whole thing. It’s pretty clear Misha’s not at all into being there.

And then there’s this exchange, which just speaks for itself:

[A set of gifs from Jus In Bello Convention in Rome. The exchange is as follows: Jensen: I-I had a great time. I really did. It wasn’t you, it was me. Misha: It’s funny, I just thought that, for me it was really special, so. Jensen: That’s, um… that’s too bad. That’s too bad. But maybe we can give it another shot! See if the creative juices get flowing. No? Okay. During this exchange, Jensen is very animated, moving his hands to punctuate his points and tilting his body toward Misha at times. At the end of that exchange, Jensen turns in his seat so Misha is slightly behind him. Misha, throughout this exchange, is incredibly reserved. He only moves to bring his microphone to his mouth and he turns his head to look at Jensen, but his body stays facing the crowd.]

I mean like what... how are you even supposed to interpret that any other way than a breakup? Look at Misha’s face, he looks devastated. His head is down, he doesn’t move at all while they’re talking, and he’s facing the crowd the entire time. His legs are straight out in front of him, unlike Jensen’s relaxed sitting posture.

Then there’s this whole thing, where Misha is so obviously trying to make Jensen jealous. It’s not until Misha sees Jensen looking over that he really goes for it, groping Sebastian and pretty much dry humping him on stage. Jensen just looks around awkwardly during this encounter, like he’s not really sure what to do with himself.

There’s also this debacle, which was also at JIB3. I’m not sure whose duck it was (I think Cliff’s, J2’s bodyguard) but Misha had autographed it with “Cliff, I want to give you my big d*ck”. The entire cast had been messing around with it all day, then Jensen walks on stage, sees Misha’s autograph, and almost immediately takes a sharp object to the duck to ruin it. I don’t want to assume this is because of Misha but like…………… I have eyes and a brain. 

As far as how it was resolved? We don’t really know. I doubt we’ll ever really know, to be honest with you. Around the time of filming 8x05, they had VanCon, where they were both visibly in much, much better spirits. Misha kissed a poster of Jensen, Jensen was so much more open that even at the time, some fans who attended the con remarked on it. This brings us to August of 2012, where it appears they mended whatever went wrong. Was it that Misha wasn’t on the show? Was it something more, like Jensen thinking they were becoming a little bit too public? We’ll probably never know.

I’m not going to tack my thoughts on the end here since I want this to primarily be an informational post, so if you’d like me to go in-depth with my own theory of what happened and what went down, I’ll certainly do that in a different post :) These are some other really great resources for the breakup theory that cover things way more in-depth than I have, especially with the conventions. There’s this one, which is basically the Cockles bible, most (if not all) of the pertinent info about the breakup is listed there. Here’s a youtube playlist of all the key moments we’ve discussed here as well as some others. You can also check out my cockles tag or my cockles breakup theory tag for more delightful cockles info.

[ozonecologne]

Hi, I woke up thinking about Cockles and now I am sad. Please just post some Cockles happy moments so I can smile again. Thanks.

I’m so sorry you’re sad, anon :( But you’ve definitely come to the right place! You can always check out my favorite Cockles convention moments post, but I get that sometimes that’s just not enough. Here are a couple of heartwarming, happy Cockles moments that always bring me joy, and that I hope will bring you joy as well:

JIB4 (2013): a gift of flowers, straight from the heart

This is still one of my favorite con moments, and it happened so fast. It’s kind of silly and tender and sweet, and Misha’s little “oH :)” when he finds out what’s in the box... aw. Watching that video still makes me smile!

JIB4 (2013): resume-off

(x) Perhaps the most infamous Cockles convention moment. This bit goes on for far too long and it’s hilarious to watch and they’re teasing each other the whole way through and honestly? They only do this because they want to. They have fun the whole time and you can tell. I love watching this video back and seeing what good FRIENDS Misha and Jensen are, first and foremost.

Family day out and the Teen Choice Award (2015)

In 2015, Jensen and Misha were nominated for a Teen Choice Award for Choice TV Chemistry, which they actually ended up winning. Instead of attending the TCAs that year though, the two of them got their families together and had a big day out together.

They got ice cream and played frisbee outside:

And then they got on a boat and rode around together to watch the sun go down: 

They both tweeted about the picture, they both told versions of this story (Jensen, Misha), and it seems like they just generally had a good time together. Look how close they’re sitting and look how happy they are here. To have a day like this end with a literal award for good chemistry is... man, I don’t even know what to say about this. This is the most tender of tender and they really are bonded for life.

Also, cabin boy.

Sunsets (various)

(x) These two love sunsets so much that I had to start a tag for it on my blog. And yes, Misha is always low-key emotional about it. This is a thing they do. It’s their aesthetic. It’s comfort and warmth and family and home and no I’m not crying you are

Rumored: Misha’s spa birthday (2015)

Shortly after the whole Teen Choice Award debacle, there was a rumor going around that for Misha’s birthday in 2015 he and Jensen went to a spa together (x, x, x). An employee seemed to confirm this, but it’s still incredibly unsourced and definitely should not be taken as fact. 

Still... I want to believe it happened, because I live in a fantasy world and also I love the idea of Jensen taking Misha to get pampered together. He already dresses him, so he might as well care for him in this other way too, right? Hopefully imagining this encounter will bring a warm feeling to your heart and a smile to your face.

HousCon (2015): Jensen’s the horse

There is literally nothing funnier to me than this unfortunate (Freudian) slip of the tongue. “Iiiiii regret having answered this qUESTION!” 

Watching Misha realize what he’s said and try to pivot away from the fallout makes me giggle like a maniac every time, and I hope it makes you laugh too.

HousCon (2016): Valentine’s Day

(x) Misha’s sweet little, “Aw, thank you” as Jensen hands him a handmade glittery Valentine’s Day card like they’re back in kindergarten really is just too much for me to handle sometimes. Like, I know this was a joke and that Misha didn’t actually keep the card and that they all probably knew Misha was filming, but Jensen played along all the same. It’s very cute. 

Jensen is a big softie and it does something to my feelings to see that side of him come out when it so rarely does -- it seems to be more frequent around Misha than anyone else in the cast :’)

JIB8 (2017): underbear

(x) Jensen and Misha flashed their underwear to one another onstage. Jensen FULLY unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants. That actually? Happened? Jensen was a chaotic mess for this entire panel honestly and watching him tease Misha while he’s trying to get a handle on it is just really funny to me. During this panel they also told an emotional story about meeting crisis center volunteers, and Jensen supports Misha so well during that more more vulnerable, serious moment. 

HonCon (2017): dinner date story

(x) I mean, what can I even say about this one. The love plain on each of their faces as Jensen recounts this story... I am an absolute sucker for it. At the core of their friendship is silliness, banter, a willingness to try new things, and above all: love. Doesn’t watching them relive that moment together onstage make you feel happy? It certainly gets to me.

You Are Not Alone campaign (various)

(x) This is what I think makes me the happiest of all with regards to Jensen and Misha’s relationship. Yes, we got an incredible amount of cute content from the promotional livestreams Misha and Jensen did together (x, x, x), but #YANA isn’t really about that. It was and is about two people coming together to provide help to those in need, to forge real connections through each other to people that support them and brought them together in the first place. They made a real change in the world alongside one another, and even managed to have some fun along the way. 

It warms my heart to think of how this initiative started, how far their friendship has come, and what ultimately lies ahead for these two. Because after all, they aren’t ever alone. And neither are you <3

I hope you have a better day, anon. Sending you positive vibes now and always.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Okay what is “Alma” and what is it in relation to cockles??

okay, if you continue reading this post, you are pinky swearing to being fucking discreet, alright? if everything i'm about to talk about is actually true, then it's extremely personal and it needs to be treated with respect. we do not clown on this subject.

okay. alma perpetua is an instagram account that posts handwritten poetry; mostly love poems. there's no other name or identifying features attached to the account.

the only truly notable thing, aside from the beautiful poetry, is that the account is followed by misha, it follows misha back, and he's the only 'celebrity'/non-poetry account alma follows. sometimes misha posts comments on the alma poems.

last year, the theory gained steam that alma IS misha posting his poetry under an anonymous account, and furthermore, that the bulk of the poems are in fact about jensen. on its face this seems like one hell of a wild assumption, so, since i don't have an instagram account, i ignored the rumors i heard about it for a while.

then i happened to come across this post, which gives an excellent blow-by-blow of the 'clues' that have led people to these theories. i have to admit, the evidence does start to stack up.

people really started talking about it after this poem was posted, exactly seven weeks after the last spn convention in 2020, just before quarantine hit.

[photo id: a handwritten poem on a piece of paper, reading:

it's been seven weeks since i saw you last. you slipped out the door while i slept leaving only your scent on the pillowcase beside me. i think now that i should have packed it not knowing that the worst of this is just that and that having to soften the edges and trust in the unknowing maybe be the best keepsake of all. x alma

/end photo id]

what got me from 'maybe' to 'holy shit' is when i found a handwritten poem that misha posted on his twitter, and started zooming in to compare them. in my opinion, it's the same handwriting. alma is written more messily, but almost all the letters are formed in the same style.

scroll down on that last link and you'll find a couple more clues, such as a poem about a green parrot + a picture of misha with a green parrot, and a poem about the year's first snowfall, posted shortly after vancouver's first snowfall of the year.

now if you really want to get slapped in the face, here is a poem from a couple months ago where alma writes about about a reunion, presumably with the lover from the above poem.

[photo id: a laptop screen displaying a poem typed into an email format, with the subject 'resumed' and the poem reading:

fresh from my bed we walk arm over arm along the water, the sand beneath us sinks under our weight. after a year apart, we pick up where we left off-- like an email unsent or a song paused mid chorus.

on this shore, water licking our heels, we revise our ending, we sing off key. behind us, our footprints wash away.

/end photo id]

i admit that when i saw this i had a moment of doubt, because i thought, it seems like we would have heard something that would have tipped us off to one or both of them taking a trip to a beach? maybe it's all just coincidence...

and then bam, the very next day, that motherfucker posted a video of himself on the beach, and tweeted it at jensen for no reason. i think it also coincided with about the time jensen would have been heading north to quarantine before starting work on the boys.

so the thing is that obviously, these poems are deeply personal and emotional and just, just aching with yearning, and it's pretty fucking overwhelming to read these words and consider that not only are these words written by misha, but by misha about jensen. i mean, read these words (again, if you clicked the first link) and consider the possibility that they were written by misha, about jensen.

[photo id: two handwritten poems, the first reading:

loving you never felt like falling. it had a weightlessness it wasn't falling at all. it was flying.

and the second poem reading:

i want to love you through loudspeakers to the bleachers; i want to love you in times square on the jumbotron not this quiet thing. it's a scream i'm holding in. x alma

/end photo id]

i don't know about you, but that makes me want to fix myself a nice shattered glass banana fudge sundae.

so, as i started out by saying, we've gotta be fucking discreet here. unfortunately, people leave cheeky comments and blue/green hearts on the alma account, and they usually get deleted, but we need to be respectful - firstly, because we could be wrong and this could be some random person who didn't ask us to swarm their poetry, and secondly, if it is misha, he's sharing something deeply private with us.

however, i can't help but feel that misha actually wants those of us who are obsessed pay attention to know that it's him, because all he had to do was not draw attention to the account by following it and leaving comments on it and no one would have ever even guessed.

with all this palpable yearning, i can easily believe that he wants someone to see, to know, to understand. plus, he's a fucking troll who loves whipping us into a frenzy.

so that's the alma thing. go forth, be discreet, and suffer.

ps: if you're a newbie to cockles stuff, have my masterlist to get better acquainted.

[theyarebothgunshot]

Popping in to say I agree with your theory that Jensen and Misha initiated their relationship as far back as season 4, but in the latter part of the season.

The theory amongst cockles old timers is that Misha was very open about his relationships with other people and Jensen was fascinated. However, J was far from bright eyed innocence. There were rumors even back then about his interest in men, going as far back as DOOL. He kept it under wraps and flirted with his co-workers but it never went further than that.

Meeting Misha was like licking dynamite and it threw Jensen off kilter. He has openly admitted that. The belief is that it was an instaneous attraction, one that he didn't expect but one he grew to embrace over time.

November 2009, Jensen proposed to Danneel, the exact story of how remaining a mystery even to this day. In a Sept 2009 interview, Jensen was asked how his relationship was looking and he hedged about whether he was planning to propose. He took Danneel to Belize shortly before that interview yet when asked as to how he proposed, the only thing he'll admit to was being a sweaty mess.

The belief is that in December 2009, Jensen and Misha have the important conversation that even though he and Dani are now engaged, he is still deeply committed to Misha. Hence, the anniversary date in which they finalized their commitment to each other.

The break up in 2011 is thought to have been initiated by Jensen largely due to the concerns of maintaining two long distance relationships, since Misha at this point was being let go. The breakup is felt to be non mutual, though Misha adhered to Jensen's decision. Pretty quickly, though, Jensen regretted his decision and that is evident in conventions around that time, esp JIB.

The belief is that Jensen's marriage to Danneel gave him the courage to try again with Misha because the general audience knew him to be happily married. Danneel, herself so open minded and loving, allowed Jensen the freedom to move forward and recommit with Misha. And that's one of the reasons why Misha adores Dani; she was most likely the driving force behind Jensen admitting his mistake.

Anyhoo, this got super long and I apologize. I threw a lot your way over yonder in the cockles landfill. My apologies!

first of all, never apologize for dropping cockles lore in my inbox! especially not if it’s as long as this because i eat that up. 

all of this made perfect sense to me and kind of filled me with a warm feeling whilst reading it. 

the only thing i don’t agree with is idea that jensen only flirted with guys before misha. i have the feeling that he definitely did more than that with men before misha came along. 

the way he talks about his past relationships without pronouns says a lot to me, and there are multiple men in his past that i think he could have done something with (ty vaugh and austin peck being the most obvious ones). i’ve always viewed his comment about nobody keeping his on him toes as much as misha did, as a confession that he never thought he’d feel like this about anybody else now that he was with danneel. i mean who knows, i wasn’t there obviously, but it would surprise me if misha was the first.

 when i tell you that the description of that december date and conversation made me emotional... oof. the idea of jensen sitting down with misha in a restaurant, having a candlelit dinner, to reassure him that his marriage to danneel would not mean the end of what they shared... that’s a lovely thought and i fully believe that. 

danneel being the one to assure jensen and make sure he tries again with misha also rings very much true to me. thank you so much for sharing this <3 just know i’ll be thinking about this for a long time.

[cockles-monster]

I did it. Finally. For the first time ever, I dreamt of Cockles. Of course, the setting was weird, looked like I was in some weekend retreat type thing (like in a cabin in the woods) mixed with a convention. Stars and people hanging out together, everyone bunking down in dormatory-style rooms. 

To be fair, I don’t think the stars slept in the same rooms as “us”. But they would hang out with us during what looked like a big party/sleepover.

At one point in the evening, Jensen and Misha were talking and hanging out, and then they kissed. Like, just a regular kiss between romantic partners, smiling wide as they turned to look in my vicinity. 

They had noticed someone (not me) filming them. They saw it happen and did not care. The footage got leaked and just like that, the whole world knew.

No drama. No big hoopla. They were parts of a polyamorous relationship and that was all there was to it. They just had decided not to hide nor care what people thought about it

It was a very nice dream.

And now I have a “memory” of them kissing and being free and happy. I don’t care that’s they’re not a thing in real life, it happened for my eyes only and nobody can take it away from me! (until I forget, I guess! lol)

[perfackles]

My summary notes for all the J2M and combination there of for JIBcon 2019 aka JIB10 

p.s. These were made pretty much while I was watching the panels whenever there was a pause or from what I could remember afterwards, so I’ve definitely missed little things and they’re very rambling in places with some typos in for sure. There’s some questions I didn’t include as either I didn’t have time to get down, which is to say, nothing has been edited out in malice. And yeah, I could go back and watch the videos, but mostly I did this for myself so there we go: 

Misha first panel 18 May 2019

Misha second panel 18 May 2019

Jensen first panel 18 May 2019

Jensen second panel 19 May 2019

Jared first panel 18 May 2019

Jared second panel 19 May 2019

J2 combo panel 18 May 2019

Mishalecki panel 19 May 2019

Cockles panel 19 May 2019

J2M panel 19 May 2019 

The most important points to me overall really came from Jared I think, where he talked about the point he didn’t think Sam saw Jack as his son, and that Sam kept people at arm’s length. He also talked about how Dean lost his mom for a second time, while he felt Sam had more lost someone he cared about who he’d known for a while and thus they had very different reactions to the death. 

They confirmed it was known that Season 15 was going to be the last before the finale for Season 14 was written. 

Season 15 sounds a lot like it will be 20 episodes in total. The guys all seemed to share a view that it had to end somehow tragically. Though someone asked a great question about how given all the deaths we’ve seen, how they could end it in such a way and make us believe it would really stick, that they aren’t just going to come back from the dead again. 

It didn’t make it into any of my convention notes as I hadn’t thought at the time to make any, but Rob very early on suggested he thought Chuck had done what he’d done in Season 14 for other reasons that we don’t yet know of. He doesn’t actually know anything more though. 

Jensen and Jared are both really hoping they can get back as many writers especially to the show for the last season. 

[go-diane-winchester]

How do I know Jensen hates the militant destiel shippers?

@supernaturallygayforyou said the following:​

''people may hate me and you but Jensen doesn’t. He just doesn’t like for his character to be reduced to a ship (which I have realized I’ve done and apologized for in my comments because I do actually love supernatural and the post was a joke). he doesn’t mind destiel shippers and is comfortable with hanging with jared and misha.''

I told her that Jensen hates the hellers, but apparently she didn't believe me, thus giving me the opportunity to reopen this can of worms.  First, lets identify a heller.  If you have the following vile traits, you are a heller.  If you don't, then you are a normal destiel shipper in whom we see no fault, other than your terrible taste in men.  Because seriously, Misha?  No hate though.  Just a little revulsion but no hate.  You do you.  These are heller traits:

Hellers tag their ship posts in the main tags.

Hellers accuse CW of queer baiting.

Hellers ship shame.

Hellers threaten Jensen with death.

Hellers want endgame destiel.

Hellers tweet Jared that he should die. 

Hellers threaten kidnapping, arson and poisoning.

Hellers call Jensen a homophobe.

Hellers insist Dean is anything but straight.

Hellers pretend to like Jared and Sam but secretly want both gone.

So how do I know that Jensen hates the hellers.  Lets look at the timeline:

October 2014 - NerdHQ

A bunch of horny destihellers planned to throw Astroglide on stage every time Jensen and Misha spoke.  The organizers were asked permission to bring this stuff to the event, and they notified Jensen and gang to ask for permission to allow it.  They were not given permission and Misha was excluded from the panel.  Only J2 and Mark Sheppard attended.  This is the first inkling that Jensen was getting aggravated with the hellers.

January 2017 [Jaxcon]:

A heller asked an ignorant shipping question, even though they were banned from asking shipping question.  Jensen succinctly said ''Destiel doesn't exist''.  He was bashed on social media and that is where he got the first death threat.  The homophobia accusation has been happening since 2014 and mass media is aware of it.  So essentially they are ruining Jensen's reputation.  But if I point out that Misha's ugly face is ugly, I am such a meanie, right?  The result of this relentless bullying and death threat, manifested itself, at Jibcon.  Explain to me how Jensen can like the hellers after the question, the bullying and the death threat.

May 2017 [Jibcon]:

Jensen has a breakdown during the only panel he shares with Misha, and Jared shuts the panel down early.  But hellers thought he was flirting with Misha.  The man who mocks Misha on any other day, chooses this one convention to get all sexual.  Could it be because of the online abuse and the death threat?  Could it be because he was pacifying his abusers, during the only panel where he knows they will be watching?  Nah, it must be because the bag-eyed overlord is totes irresistible.  Tell me how Jensen likes the hellers who can have such a negative effect on him.         

June 2017 [Comic Con]

Misha pulls a chair stunt that makes Jensen and Jared look like bullies.  They become aware of it.  Jensen knows what the hellers will do.  But he loves them, right?

October 2017 [Nolacon]

This was the con where J2 reiterated that Misha is NOT the lead, and the hellers went after them, calling them rape enablers for using a stale joke from previous cons.  The media got wind of it and J2 issued a statement and no apology.  The hellers got angry because they wanted separate con panels for J2 and didn't get it.  There was a rumor that they were trying to get Jared fired from the show, but I have not receipt for that.  Tell me how despite this unnecessary hurdle, Jensen still loves the fans. 

November 2017 [DCcon]

The scandal has only just subsided.  Its affect on the boys showed in the Js behavior when they took to the stage.  Jared was suffering from a manic episode [which was painful to watch] and Jensen was already angry.  The insufferable J stans were there, getting the wrong end of the stick, as per usual.  Jensen stans said Jared was being disruptive.  Jared stans fought back or said that Jared was being ''extra'' because he was trying to cheer Jensen up after the scandal.   Ironically, it was a Jensen stan who recognized that Jared was suffering from mania. 

Jensen was being patient with Jared because he has seen Jared's manic episodes and the crash that is likely to follow it.  I have to say Jensen, despite already being angry with fans for the scandal, was still very patient with Jared.  Anyone else would have been at their wits end.  Jared is very lucky to have a friend and co-worker who has so much compassion.  Especially considering the state of this panel.  Let me point out that this was the worst panel I have ever witnessed, because those were some of the most horrible attendees.  One of them told Jensen to shut up when she was given the opportunity to ask them a question.  That will give you an idea of how horrible this panel was.  The other questions were either boring or the person asking the question went off on a tangent about themselves.  I only watched it once and never again. 

This is a link to the panel, for those who mind watching Jared fall apart and Jensen looking close to driving his fist right through a wall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOBs7Hp9FRo

At the timestamp of 15:53, this exchange happened. 

Jensen:  ''We pull our punches.  So if we do connect, its not a full... you know, its a 50% power punch.  It shouldn't knock you out, unless you have a really weak chin.  But, eh...''

Jared:  ''Like Misha.''

Jensen:  ''Well, you could just go...''  Blows out air hard and makes a splatting sound, ''Eh, I'm kidding.  We love Misha.  People will get mad at me know.'' 

The look that Jared gave Jensen showed why the episode happened.  He didn't follow up what Jensen said, with a snarky remark.  No jokes.  He just moved on but not before putting his hand on Jensen's shoulder and Jensen bit his lower lip.  They figured out that the scandal happened only because of Misha's fans.  They joined the dots beforehand.  That is why they were messed up during that panel.  Jensen's facial expression when he said that last bit.  You can tell he is completely insincere when he says they love Misha.  So Jensen knew who caused the Nolacon scandal, and why they went after him and Jared.  But he still loves the hellers, how exactly?

November 2017:  Honocon

This con was going to be destiel friendly.  The hellers were running their mouths off about it on social media.  Jensen and Misha was getting a panel together for the first time in Creation con history.  Jared would not be interfering or so they thought.  Jared threw a spanner in the works, staying on stage for longer than he was needed, fiddling around with the keyboard and the drums, disrupting the entire panel.  This time he wasn't suffering a manic attack.  This time he was doing it on purpose.  That is what you get when you anger the boys.  During J2 panel, they kept making shippy remarks about each other.  No, its not because they ship themselves.  We are not stupid like the hellers.  Straight men don't ship anything.  They were doing it to annoy the hellers.  During the Cockles panel, Jensen laughed at Misha's walk and Empty Cas voice choice.  Other than the insults flung at Misha, they just did the recycled paper airplane story.  Destiel fans are scattered around the globe and not the majority of the fans in America.  So the con didn't do well.  Honocon was never mentioned again.  Whether it pops up again in the future remains to be seen.  Despite loving the hellers, why is he essentially spitting in their face. 

December 2017: Sydney con/AHBL

J2 was in very good form during this panel, because pig-of-a-face was not attending.  Jared played guitar while Jensen and Robbie sang ''Free Falling''.  Here's an adorable tiny clip of Jared being adorably adorable while eating an egg roll.  Only 42 people watched it so shame on all of you.  Heres the link: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPE5JlGp8dg

See how happy they are when Pee puddle and his splatterings are not present.  So why didn't Jensen miss his heller fans? 

 May 2018 - Birmingham

Misha shares a panel with Jensen and Jared, and Jared places himself between the two of them.  Misha tries to pull the stupid chair stunt again, but Jared put a stop to it.  Misha picks up the topic of the shirt sharing for the heller's benefit.  Jensen throws out that he has shared underwear with Jared.  When Misha pointed out that the brothers were not affectionate people generally, J2 shot him down by saying Sam and Dean were very emotional and affectionate with each other.   Between the stripping, the mocking and the icing, Misha did not enjoy the panel.  Why is Jensen punishing his beloved heller fans.

May 2018 - Jibcon 

After Jensen's breakdown the previous year, suddenly Jibcon was no longer destiel con.  Suddenly shipping questions were banned.  Hellers bashed Daniella for that.  When the much anticipated cockles panel happened, Jared threw a spanner in the works, and crashed the panel brandishing balloons.  Hellers tore him apart on social media.  At the beginning of the panel,  Misha put his hand on Jensen's shoulder. Jensen tapped Misha on the knee and then rubbed his fingers together in a disgusted manner.  So he instantly squashed the shippy vibes Misha was pushing for.  During the panel, Jared and Jensen took the time to laugh in Misha's face whilst in character.  Why did Jensen allow his heller fans' only panel to be taken away from them? 

July 2018 - Comic Con

Jensen placed himself between Jared and Alex, and every time Misha opened his big mouth, they just pulled faces and laughed.  Doesn't he care how its going to affect his heller fans?

September 2018 - Indycon

This was the Misha-led con.  No J2 in sight.  It flopped.  Misha is consistently losing fans.  Only the really crass and tasteless ones really like him.  This has nothing to do with Jensen and his opinion of the hellers.  I just derive great pleasure in pointing this out to you.

December 2018 - Jaxcon

A heller got into an argument with Jensen during autos because she insisted Dean was bisexual whilst Jensen was saying that Dean wasn't.  Misha confirmed [as if he has the authority] that Dean is indeed bisexual.  Jensen must absolutely love the hellers after that, right?

Whatever I told you now is a brief overview.  More in-depth posts are on my blog on all these subjects, except for DC Con 2017 which I elaborated on in this post.  During 2017 and 2018, the online attacks have increased including telling Jared that they wish him dead.  This was tweeted to him.  Jensen's death threats increased to include an arson and poisoning threat.  Hellers even threatened to kidnap Jared's children.  Many of these tweets were directed to Jensen.  The receipts for all of these, are on my blog.  They are getting worse.  I fear that they might actually act of their threats one day.  The threats start from mistagged posts which is why I always call those out.  Stay on your lane and you will offend nobody. 

To summarize:

Jensen hates the hellers because they threatened to kill him, in various ways, ruined his reputation by accusing him of homophobia and threatening to kidnap Jared's children whilst also hoping that Jared would die along with Sam.  Oh, and Misha is ugly.  The End. 

[dimples-of-discontent]

(part 1) im gonna preface by saying sorry if you've answered this before or it's obvious, but I wanted your opinion on something. I can't really read Misha at all when it comes to Destiel. I wanted to know if you think Misha plays Cas as being in love with Dean? Do you think Misha sees that relationship or is too in the moment to view it the way we do (similar to Jensen). I'm asking because I know he has gotten questions about it before and something that is obvious 9/10 times when he answers...

(part 2) is that he turns it into something sexual. I know he obviously wont say either way whether for higher up backlash or simply because he’s Misha, but I never got if that is just his wink wink to the fans because he’s supportive of our beliefs or he thinks that we only see sex so he’s like yeah perverts. He genuinely seems insightful at times and I do love the way he has described their relationship on several occasions. i know a few years ago there was a moment where, if i remember…

(part 3) correctly might have been one of the only times he answered without really joking? he seemed incredibly in tune with the audience talking about it but there seemed to be a sad/awkward air to his words. most of the things i have seen are from a few years ago though (pre-season 11) and we have gotten some incredibly deep destiel scenes since then so I guess im asking if you think he sees it, if so, when he might have started, if he thinks it now, if he thinks its just sexual, ect. thanks!“

Hi Nonnie,

First off, it sounds like you actually know a whole heck of a lot about Misha’s take on Destiel so I’m flattered that you would ask for my opinion on it too. I haven’t formulated a whole post about it, though I have reblogged and commented on some really great ones that I will also link you to here. 

I think it’s important to distinguish between Misha’s take on whether it is an intentional part of the show (do the writers write it that way? do he and Jensen play it that way?) vs. his response to fanfic and fandom commentary on Destiel. About the second, he tends to wear his snarky persona and call us perverts and joke about how “me and Jensen write most of that stuff anyway.” That’s easier. It’s a deflection. If faced with a question about intentionality and whether he thinks that the show has been amping up the romance tropes, it’s far safer to instead talk about the fan response and how “I would never have imagined seeing myself depicted giving so many blowjobs.” How much Cas fanart have you looked up Misha? FFS! 

So when, as you say, he immediately jumps to making things sexual I don’t at all think that it’s because he thinks that accurately reflects the way the character is written or how he plays him. After all, as recently as S10 he had Cas stare at a porn site and say, bemusedly, “What is ‘Fortune Nookie’?” (10x03). In 13x21 Cas was obviously embarrassed both by and about Gabriel and Rowena. And, as we learned from S12, the sacred oath that forbids human-angel sex must be very much on his mind. Now, some of us are of the opinion that this season in particular has been revealing Cas to have some understanding of or interest in sex even as an angel but YMMV on that one. But it’s safe to say that no matter how many jokes Misha makes about Cas being a creeper and perving on Dean he knows that that isn’t in the show. He’s responding to a particular, over-exaggerated fan version of Destiel. And he’s doing it because it’s safe.

It’s actually Misha’s standard deflection now because, in my opinion, not only do they want to avoid pissing people off but they are all bound by NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) of some kind when it comes to the actual show…but not when it comes to the fans. So he can say whatever he likes about fanfic or fanart or “what goes on on oil rigs” and neither risk offending people as deeply (since he’s clearly joking around) nor violating any contracts. I don’t know if he really thinks that all fanworks are all about sex. I think….perhaps. And, honestly, given the kinds of things people bring to cons for them to sign I can’t blame him. The linked post also shows how totally ok both he and Jensen are with smutty fanart, as does the infamous Cockles video that I’m adding here because, well, why not:

If you can’t hear the audio it’s Jensen describing two different pieces of fanart that they signed, one of which they drew penises on the other of which was already nsfw that he captioned, and laughing about it and draping himself all over Misha ew. 

But back to your original question, which was whether Misha plays Cas as being in love with Dean or sees that relationship as inherently romantic. I’m actually just going to flat out answer: he does. Misha is an intelligent and sensitive reader (which is not to say the other actors, especially Jensen, are not but that Misha approaches the script as a reader in a way I don’t think Jensen does because his process is so different). I believe Misha has always seen that in the character. As @amwritingmeta​ discusses in this epic post on Jensen, Destiel, and Dean’s bisexuality:

“Misha started out talking rather openly about how Destiel is an intentional part of the narrative - almost going so far as to get pissy about how this was even a question, if rumours are to be believed - then less openly, until he, as early as last year, was scuttling around the Destiel question like it was on fire. Why? I would venture a complete guess and say that it’s most likely to do with all the negativity thrown his way whenever he’s engaged with it, accusations of queerbaiting flying at him and the show, when this couldn’t be farther away from what they’ve actually been doing all these years, delivering a narrative the likes of which has never been seen on television before.”

Comments he made about his initial decisions, staring at Jensen “as if I was looking into his soul”, and the teasing that he garnered, “We’re missing the gay angel,” indicate that he–and Jensen, fwiw–were fully aware of the homoerotic aspects of the character and his portrayal.

I think that the convention clip you’re thinking of might be this one from NJcon 2013 where Misha first says that he ought not to talk about it but then goes on to say that there is a “very profound bond” but that “I will leave you to read into that what you will” and remarks that he doesn’t want to be accused of queerbaiting, which he felt was unfair because he is such a supporter for the LGBTQ community overall. He’s absolutely sad there. He concludes by saying “It’s a lot of things. It’s deep and meaningful, you know. Is it love? Probably. What does that mean? It’s a million different things. I don’t know” which then becomes a joke about “you know, my boyfriend is a wavelength of celestial intent.” He ends by saying outright that “They love each other” before adding “but it’s purely sexual.” That backtracking is frustrating but totally characteristic because otherwise it’s just too definitive. (I’m gonna keep my tinhat in the closet on this one but I can’t help but murmur about actor bleed.)

By 2016, at DCcon, he was delighted to get out of the Destiel question by having West throw balls at him. He talks about how he was discouraged from even mentioning that relationship when he came on the show and how he then flouted that rule because he didn’t see the point. The implication, though, is that he now does see why he shouldn’t discuss it and I can only imagine that a lot of it has to do with the vitriol that often came his way. Most of his answer is a joke on this panel, “How would you approach it if it happened” becomes “face-forward” and “How would you set the scene” becomes a seduction joke. Rich and Rob are there to help out and keep the carnival atmosphere going. (Cockles sidebar: I had never noticed that he answers the question of “How would you set the scene” with “In another language; in Russian.” CAN YOU SAY ACCENT KINK??) That’s a huge difference from 2013′s serious answer, though it’s not easy to tell whether that change is due to something contractural about the show or Misha’s own desire to avoid upset. I kind of think the second.

His most recent comments are from Seacon 2018 where he says that he could “go on and on and on” with his thoughts about Destiel and that he and Jensen do have conversations about it. He again uses it as an opportunity to talk about the fandom response and reflect on changes in attitude within the fandom not on the show…which is interesting, of course, but not really what we are fishing for. As he says at the end he gets in trouble with someone no matter what he says on the topic. And then he will deflect with a joke (”Jensen and I don’t write a ton of Destiel fanfic”) before giving us a tiny glimmer of hope (”because we live it all the time”). The whole cast is certainly much more open about it than they used to be, even Jensen. And I’m not sure whether or not that can be attributed to the deeper Destiel scenes you mention or not. I do think it would become much harder for them to deny the existence of a romantic element and that the way they are coping with that is pure humor.

I hope that helps a little. It’s a very complex question, since it’s bound up with so many other things about the show and about Misha’s character and his relationship to the fans. (I have tags for both “misha and destiel” and “misha about destiel” if you want more.) I agree with you that he is the most in tune with the fan view of the relationship and supportive of it as an interpretation. I think he’s either not legally able to say more about it or, perhaps, is too conditioned not to by previous negative reactions from the fans. His jokes that make it sexual, or refer to fandom and not the show, are simply a clever deflection and one which he does much better than either Jared or Jensen (though Jensen has learned from Misha and gotten markedly less defensive in general, e.g. “There will now be fanfiction written about what goes on on oil rigs” “Don’t let us down”).

My gut feeling is that, yes, Misha has seen the romantic element since Day 1 and that lines like “I love you. I love all of you” and “I know who you love” confirm for him that it is there for Cas. I think that he supports that reading of their relationship but we will likely never get to hear him say that…unless something miraculous happens on the show so that he feels free to.

[hrrbucky]

Supernatural Birmingham Convention (06/05/2018)

I realise I haven’t actually posted yet about the time I met the three men that have made such an impact on my life throughout my obsession and dedication towards supernatural. This day is by far the most surreal day that has ever happened to me and I cannot believe I got the opportunity. After many breakdowns and anxiety towards going to this convention I’m super happy I did, there was a period of time where I had decided not to go altogether because of the sheer fear towards going by myself and my anxiety towards travelling to a place I had never been to before, let alone be faced with humans which I was not sure how I would react towards. It was a very last minute ‘go you stupid person’ moment because I knew I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try because this show and community is one that has helped me through so many shitty days and moments in my life and I would just sit and either watch an episode or watch a panel so to finally experience one in real life is something I really wanted to do so and I am really proud I did. 

I arrived in Birmingham at 10:11 and made my way towards the NEC which I was relieved to find out was in the same place as the station, and paced myself towards what I hoped was the convention. The first photo op was with Jensen Ackles at 10:45 so I was quickly pacing my way through the crowds as I became a girl on a mission. Jensen, aka my all time favourite and the man who I’ve looked up to, been inspired by and just bloody love was only a few moments a way and the fan in me was released. If anyone knows me personally, you’ll know just how obsessed I am with this man, l did not know if the fangirl in me would cope. I got my eticket swapped and queued, it was so surreal and then I saw him, Jensen, just casually walk by me and that is the moment it hit me. I was going to meet this gorgeous man. A lady then came round checking tickets and told me I had to leave as my number was not valid, my heart sank and I didn’t know what to do, thankfully the customer service desk was unbelievably helpful and told me not to worry and there had been a mix up so I just had to wait and queue in a sort of recycling area for those people who’s number were not valid for that day (just to clarify I was meant to go for the whole weekend, but due to my anxiety towards this convention I missed saturday and made myself go on sunday). Whilst queuing for Jensen again and after my determination to ensure I was going to meet Jensen, Jared walked past me aswell and that’s when it hit me that I was also going to meet the literal labrador human of a man next.

Moving on, it was finally time, I walked into the meet and greet and spotted Jensen and Jared finishing up a photo op, a lady approached Jensen to let him know he has 3 more fans to meet and he nodded and it just so happened that I was the first one in the queue. I was told to wait a second and then Jensen gave me the most genuine encouraging smile and suddenly all the nerves left me and it was the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do. After being tired and only having one chance with him I just said hey, am I ok to just have a hug and he laughed and said of course you can, he continued to press himself into hugging me and I remember smiling, thinking his shirt was soft and smelt lovely and then I said thankyou so much, it’s really nice to meet you he said you too and gave me a rub on the shoulder and that crinkly eye thing he does when he smiles. Then it was done, and I was now queuing for Jared!

Queuing for Jared felt a lot easier, I had chatted and survived the bloke who I wanted to meet most and so when it got to the me being the next person again I never felt more chilled out. Jared opened his arms and asked me how I was and I said tired but relieved, I’ve come here from York and he was like wow, well great meeting you and I said you too and he asked what I would like to do and I said please can I just have a hug haha and he said yes of course (I was planning on asking for a piggy back but I was told I couldn’t and only asked in case I wasn’t and didn’t want Jared to feel uncomfortable saying no) I finished and looked at him and he was squatting so he didn’t look so tall and I was just like omg I love that you squatted and he laughed and said I was a very small person, but he’s also a very big person and again he rubbed me on my shoulder and said it was lovely meeting me and I said same.

Misha’s photo op was a bit of a mare getting to it but the staff and people running this convention were unbelievably helpful and caring. So, similar to Jensen, my ticket for Misha was only valid on saturday but they made it so that they had my number and I got a text saying that Misha was basically ready to meet me and that the staff knew I was coming. I went and queued in the same place I had been all day and saw all THREE of them walk past me. I went into the photo op room with a few other people, witnessed cockles as they goofed around and talked while we waited (this is when my brain was just like what the fuck is happening you’re witnessing your 3 favourite nerds be NERDS) anyway, got to the front and Misha got told about the meet and greet and he said hi and I said are we ok to do a prom style photo op and he said of course and so we proceeded and I thanked him AND HE RUBBED MY SHOULDER (I don’t get it but it’s also the most comforting thing) anyway, jensen was just watching the photo ops and I walked by and said hi to him again and he said ‘hello again’ (that word meant so much) and gave me a hand like gun motion of greeting which I can’t explain and Jared smiled at me and that was that. I had done it.

I collected my photo ops, I won’t go on to how I basically had a mission to find my printed photo op with Jensen because that was a bloody pain but I managed it and again staff were really helpful. SO yeah, I am really happy I got to see J2M live aswell, met someone who I had followed on twitter for about 3 years which is weird and she said she recognised me aswell which I was slightly internally like yay about, all in all it was an amazing experience and has just made my obsession and love grow towards supernatural and if anyone ever gets the chance I’d 10/10 recommend it. 

(side-note: jensen was super attractive irl, jared’s shoulders were WIDE and misha, bless him, was knackered but still proceeded to be the prom date I never had)

[spacerainbows]

Pick 10 ships before reading/answering the questions

chronologically ordered

I found this posted on someone’s blog and even though I want tagged I decided to do it anyway

1. Destiel (Supernatural)

2. Sabriel (Supernatural)

3. Drarry (Harry Potter)

4. Spirk(Star Trek TOS/AOS)

5. Johnlock (Sherlock BBC)

6. Merthur (Merlin)

7. Cockles (Supernatural actors{Misha and Jensen )

8. Jim/Pam(The Office)

9. Stony(Marvel)

10. Spideypool (Marvel)

1 - Do you remember the episode/scene/ chapter that you first started shipping 6?

Merlin was recommended to me by a friend that already shipped Merthur, so I ended up walking into it expecting to ship it. I already shipped it by the end of the first season because they are so reliant on each other and “two sides of the same coin” I call soulmates

2 - Have you ever read a fic about 2?

Yes I have. I actually started shipping it because of fan fiction because there isn’t a ton of fule for it in the show. Way to go random destiel works for getting into a new ship*distant sounds of applause*

3 - Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/ profile pic / tumblr?

Yes it actually is my phone screensaver currently. I’m rewatching TOS and it’s wonderful. My name is based around an inside joke with my brother regarding spirk and the enterprise so I guess that counts for something I found a shirt with the enterprise that had a rainbow trail behind it and my brother said “You know it’s because Kirk and Spock are getting it on” and I said “It’s just the spacerainbows having some fun”. Yeah that probably didn’t need to be said. Anyway…

4 - If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

I’d cry. Cockles is beautiful. The conventions would fall and it would be sad. They are wonderful together and they know it. I would never let this happen. Even if they aren’t actually together*for all that we know* so much could happen if it stopped. Also a good section of tumblr would probably be crying and rage posting.

5 - Why is 1 so important?

I don’t know if this question means important to me or the fandom so I’ll explain my thoughts on both. For me it seems so important because Dean has been alone for most of his life constantly worrying about protecting his little brother. He always needed to be strong enough to protect because there was no one really there to protect him. Then enters Castiel, a celestial being capable of killing thousands in seconds. He’s an angel of the lord who “gripped Dean right and raised him from perdition” He has the capability to protect Dean, but Dean needs to be able to let him. I feel like this took many seasons for him to finally admit and he still doesn’t but through all of it while Castiel looses and regains his mojo Dean is always there for as much as he can. They protect one another. Dean can finally have the comfort he needs. And then there’s Cas. He’s an angel. They appear as emotionless beings that could care less about the world but Castiel isn’t, and right at the beginning in season 4 you could tell that he knew this. He was scared to admit to himself that he could and did feel. The first person he confides in is Dean. Throughout the show he embraces these feelings and grows new ones and learns the meaning of love and family*cried over season 12 episode 12* They’re always there for each other,and even if the show never shows them as anything other than platonic, their still friendship means so much. As for the fandom as a whole, I feel as though it’s provided a focus point and feeling to build. I feel like all good shows have two characters that fit so perfectly, either as friends or lovers, together; just watching the relationship solidify and grow is just showing how amazing character development can be. Then there is the fandom uniting over it. I don’t really care if you ship destiel or not or you ship wincest or samstiel or nothing at all, you still know that it exists and is something that is talked about in the show. The fact that it has come up as a topic in the show itself shows how much it has affected the Supernatural fandom as a whole.

6 - Which one has the strongest bond?

I’d have to say Spirk. Throughout both aos and tos they would do anything for each other. They would stand by each other during death and fight to save each other. Not to mention the Vulcan bonding or honds. #t’hy’la

7 - Which ship has lasted the longest

Spirk. Probably. I mean it’s know as one of the first slash pairings in existence and one of the first to actually start the spread of a fandom gathering and forming around one thing. It’s sometimes called the flagship or the mothership. I’ve shipped it since I was a little kid because I grew up watching tos and the movies. My dad said would say that they were secretly gay for one another as a joke and my small young mind believed him so I got mad whenever they were ever with anyone else and they shipped caried over to when I took to watching it again on my own. And small me also noticed how similar their actions were to straight couples and I asked my dad if they were dating and that’s what led to the secretly gay thing that my dad started saying

8 - How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up I mean.

They never canonically got together and one of them is kinda dead now until further notice. If you want to count when and before Arthur dies because of the fight and his death than sure, but there were other times when they would get with other people and Arthur was kinda married to Gwen by the end of the show so…

9 - If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive? 2 or 8?

2. Sorry Jim and Pam but you’re being pinned against a hunter who deals with zombies on a daily basis-one of the actually less crazy things he’s seen- and an arch angel capable of snapping his fingers and changing things to fit his desires. I think they would be pretty good. Also angels can heal and not die unless killed by an angel blade or in Gabriel’s case an arch angel blade, so unless a zombie can find one and stab Gabe I think they’d make it out pretty unscathed. 10 - Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reasons? I mean, this could be canon, but for all I know it isn’t, soooo i don’t really know the answer but for all we know they could secretly be hiding it right now.

11 - Is 4 still together?

I mean, is you take into account the new information brought from aos you know they’ve known and been friends with each other until Jim’s death. So I can only imagine that if it truly were canon they would still be together because they’d be able to go against time as they’ve done it before for each other.

12 - Is 10 canon?

Na, the only canon thing on my list is Jim and Pam. They are adorable and great btw. I shipped them by the end of the very short first season and all their interactions are adorable and all the stuff they go through to finally be happy together and when the start a family, aaaaaaaaa, it’s just too great.

13 - If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

If I had to answer honestly I’d say it come down between 1 and 2 because of the healing capabilities, and then it would be a 4 way suicide. Sam and Dean would never be able to kill each other and I doubt Cas and Gabe would want to kill each other either, so it would either be a battle that would never end or a suicide. Also DON’T THROW MY CHILDREN INTO A PIT OF DEATH i cry

14 - Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5?

Mary Watson… you know how she ended up. She’s actually great though.

15 - Do you spend hours a day going though 3’s tag

Not as much as I used to but if I get a sudden urge.

16 - If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all up, which ship would you SINK?!

Stony. Sorry, but civil war kinda happened. If that fight doesn’t count as a break up as is for their not canon pairings I don’t really know what does.