#NOR THE PENIS MUSIC THAT PLAYS WHY IS THE MUSIC SO BAD ?

[heaven-dope]

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but dawntrail looks......... so very mediocre

[roturo]

EUNOIA

•synopsis: Who would've believed Gojo Satoru can become one with a curse? maybe another version of him is breathing and motivation being awakened from him. Will you come to him?

PLEASE REPOST AND LEAVE A COMMENT ;)

•warnings: smut, penis in vagina, blowjob (reader), nipple play (both), corruption kink, dacryphilia, overstimulation, plenty orgasms, unprotected sex, pussy eating, use of nicknames (princess, baby, pup, sweetheart...),mating press, marking, possessive behavior, curse!reader, virgin!reader, gojo is portrayed as playboy somewhere, gojo whimpers just bc i say so, soft!dom gojo, lovesick!gojo, like, really lovesick, enemies to lovers, angst & fluff, reader is a strong curse just because i can, afab & she/her reader.

EUNOIA; (eúnoia)  'well mind; beautiful thinking'

Love is a heavy word. You can’t love everyone, nor everything.

The word ‘love’ has loosen its meaning through time…

or has it become more natural?

Looking back at society in past years, everything was built by hate, anger…  to kill.

But now? Things are almost the same. Society became more peaceful, tuneful even. But those emotions full of anger & hate became locked inside people to maintain society as a ‘safe space’

And people couldn’t suppress them forever, as hard as you tried to help people find love, happiness, not only on people, but on things, music, life.

They couldn’t change their shady mind into beautiful thinking.

But you couldn’t blame yourself for not helping people to free their mind and find at least the good things in life. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. 

Walking through the lightful streets of Tokyo, watching people and their emotions, you couldn’t resist throwing some powder disguised as dust for people to inhale and keep those bad emotions away from them for some time. But for some reason that wasn’t enough to get rid of that bad energy spreading all over the place.

People seemed more relaxed, one of your techniques worked. Playing with people’s mind, the saneness and atmosphere felt the same as before, but you could sense people were more sensible.

So you couldn’t understand what’s going on. As you kept walking forward, following the energy to find from where it’s from, you stopped in a… bakery? 

Looking through the big windows of the place, you finally knew from whom it was coming. But something seemed wrong. He seems happy eating whatever dessert he ordered, his appearance seemed in order, not showing any kind of sadness, or desmotivation. 

It was strange enough of him to use some black small rounded glasses inside of a store at night. His white hair was easy to distinguish and locate him easily. He looked like he’s really tall, looking at his long legs barely being capable of sitting comfortably in those chairs from the bakery. He was perfect.

But you couldn’t quite decipher why he has this happy mood from the outside but some type of bad energy coming from him.

Until… it clicked in.

Cursed energy. A lot of it. But you could also sense stress from him, a tiny bit of sadness. You felt your cheek getting wet from an unexpected tear coming out. Wiping it away from your face, you looked at your hand,

You could sense people’s mind, but never their feelings nor their emotions. So why are you feeling this from him? The loss of someone, worry for others, fear of failure again… 

And it seems like he felt it too, putting down the cupcake he was about to bite, furrowing his eye-brows, looking for something… someone.

Until he sensed cursed energy coming from somewhere, outside this bakery, so he looked at you. He knows you are a curse, so why do you look so human? So real? How could people see you too?

You locked eyes with him, feeling stronger emotions coming out of the both of you, stress was the first one. When his eyes met yours, his body untensed for a moment, before tensing again and his brows furrowing again, but this time instead of looking just confused, he also seemed angry.

Feeling this coming out of him, a strong energy surrounding him, made you start running away from it. Pushing people out of the way, looking somewhere safer to calm down.

But you underestimated this guy, he was faster, stronger, bigger. And he found you in less of a second in that lonely alley.

‘Who are you and what did you just do to me?’ He grabbed you by the neck of your shirt, making you squeak when he pushed you to the wall.

‘I-I don’t k-know.. I’m so-sorry, please don’t exorcize me sir… I’m not evil nor a threat to people, i-in fact I want to h-help them.’ You were praying to somehow escape from this alive and unharmed, his cursed energy is so overwhelming you could swear you were drowning on it. 

Gojo has dealt with curses who could talk, even understand him. But he never saw a curse like you. Human looking. And somehow you avoided his infinity to use your powers on him. That’s why he has you like this, he could easily exorcize you right now and right here with just a clap, but he needed to know first why and how you trespassed his infinity.

‘How did you do that?’ He pushed you harder to the wall, hitting your head with it, but not hard enough to be in pain. 

‘D-do what?’

‘Connected with me.’

‘What?...’

‘You.. you somehow trapassed my infinity and connected with me or some shit, how did you do that? That’s not possible.’ What did he just say? Infinity?

‘And how could I not sense you immediately? Who are you?’

Wait… ‘You’re Gojo Satoru?!’ You jumped from his grip, moving to your side.

The strongest sorcerer of all, right in front of you, asking for your name, looking the good way, you were flattered to know he had some type of interest in you. So you did what he asked you and told him your name.

‘I-I don’t know how I did that, that w-was new for me too, I just can sense bad thinking from people and fix it into good thinking, bu-but I could never feel it or know why they’re feeling that way…’

He looked at you in disbelief, and then proceeded to sigh. ‘Try it.’

‘What?’

‘Try to do that again.’ He signaled the both of you.

‘Uh… Do I have to look at you in the eyes?’

‘I don’t know! It’s supposed to be your technique.’

You sighed, and then looked at him. He’s really handsome you thought, feeling your face getting hot, you concentrated your whole energy to one, and trespassed to connect to him.

And you think he didn’t notice yet when you discovered he was feeling flustered to look at you again, but he had enough self control to not show it. But then his eyes widened and grabbed you by your cheeks, not strong enough to hurt you, but making your face look like a fish.

‘What the…fuck.’ If you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t be able to hear how low the whisper was. But suddenly you felt his index finger in the middle of your forehead and everything started getting blurry, feeling giddy, until everything went blank.

You woke up in a white room, your eyes still adjusting to the shiny lights, Hearing some background voices, you were trying to fully wake up.

‘What the hell are we going to do Shoko? Do I have to kill her? This has never happened since… ‘He stopped himself before continuing.  ‘Well… isn’t she a threat?’

‘I don’t even know Gojo, this is as new to me as new to you. I have never seen a curse like… her? Is she even a person? Mind manipulation is one thing, but… she has never used her curse for the bad, y’know? Maybe she’s not a threat.’ Gojo scoffed, looking in disbelief at you, not noticing you were starting to wake up.

‘What grade is she?’

‘Uh well… for her power she should be a semi-grade 1, but if we take in consideration the fact she trespassed your infinity she should be a special grade, but… it seems like she doesn’t know how to use it, nor how to fight, so it’s basically just a title.’

You tried to stand up, but some chains stopped you from it. You could see Shoko and Gojo jump in surprise when they heard you moving.

It was an awkward situation, the three of you looking at each other without talking. Maybe they’re waiting for you to start talking? Fight?

‘What are we doing with her?’

 Basically they decided to leave you alive, for future purposes apparently. They had one rule for you.

‘Never leave Gojo’s side.’

And yeah, it was really awkward at first, having to spend time with the strongest sorcerer, obviously annoyed by your presence and how they seemed to like you.

Sleeping on the floor of his room was really uncomfortable. Spending cold nights with just a blanket in your body makes you rethink your whole existence.

Everyone was really nice, they treated you as someone else and not like the person who could go through ‘Gojo’s Satoru Infinity’

Everyone but him. His silly personality was really cute and you tried to befriend him, making jokes, trying to get to know him, but as much as you tried you never got to warm up.

They told you he likes sweets, okay! That's a useful fact!

And well, it was a good fact indeed. You made some cookies for him, his eyes sparked up when he saw the plate full of cookies for him, he just looked at you and thanked you with a small smile. It was starting to work out!

Your never-ending enthusiasm to befriend him began to work its magic on Gojo. Whether it was your mischievous pranks or your infectious laughter, your presence gradually started to warm the usually distant sorcerer's heart. Soon, even Gojo couldn't deny the hidden charm beneath your cursed exterior. Finding himself in his room tasting different desserts you made for him, thinking about you on missions when eating at a bakery, thinking your desserts don’t compare to what he’s eating right now. He started to like you. 

Twisted nights spent together by the both of you, bursting laughter coming from the both of you, laying on the grass looking for stars, taking you to missions (just to the place he’s visiting, he didn’t want you to be in danger)...

He never saw himself falling for a girl, a curse, he’s more of a one night stand, never going on dates, just buying luxury things for them to keep them an extra week with him. But as Your relationship with Gojo deepened, you discovered the mask behind his unflappable façade. Gojo opened up to you, sharing his dreams, doubts, and fears. You reciprocated by offering your unwavering support, feeling what he’s feeling like you’re the one who went through it. Your bond became a haven of understanding, acceptance, and genuine affection.

He began to show his lighter-side with you, being affectionate with you (in private since he was too shy for pda, because what would they think about this?), but he was afraid.

He was afraid of the power you were having over him, he showed you a new world while you gave him sparkling moments that go in a flash because of how much he enjoys them. He even finds himself smiling at your picture he took with his phone while the both of you were teasing the other. Your pouty lips, trying to hit him.

Hit him.

He never felt someone hitting him playfully until he met you.

He never felt someone hugging him until one rainy night you were shivering on the floor, he invited you to his bed and woke up next to you, your hands hugging his body tightly like you were afraid of him leaving you. That day, became an usual morning routine. Waking up at the sight of you resting on his chest, caressing your cheeks and just admiring your beauty.

He was afraid of losing you.

He wasn’t afraid of you trying to kill him, turning evil, shit, he wasn’t afraid if you tried to fucking kill all the humans in this world. He was afraid of you leaving his side, you were the most precious thing in this world for him.

You colored his more of five senses and became the purple of his blue and red. 

Until one day you weren’t by his side in the morning. He called for your name, maybe you were in the bathroom, but he was just with silence in the room. Maybe you were somewhere in the halls walking through the students' dorms? Maybe Nobara called for you?

But nothing. 

His greatest fear, losing someone again became reality. 

Well, not truly…

Maybe you were planning to ask him to be his girlfriend?...

And thank god he was a little foolish to never think about your plan.

When he went to search for you after Nobara told him ‘you went shopping’ you quickly entered the room and started preparing everything.

It wasn’t some luxury set up with petals everywhere, a jacuzzi and balloons, but you had his favorite desserts, a small letter of you confessing your feelings for him, and some matching bracelets for the both of you.

You dressed up in your floral sundress, put some make-up on and fixed your hair once Nobara gave you the heads up for Gojo coming back.

And oh boy, Gojo came back pissed. Truly hiding he was so fucking terrified of not finding you. He was mumbling things under his breath, swearing he would kill everyone if he didn’t find you.

Even Shoko was shocked at his behavior since he never seemed this committed to a girl like he did right now, he seemed happier with you, brighter.

And he swears he was about to fucking hit Ijichi until he felt a known energy coming from his room. In a blink he was standing in front of his door, he could sense you were anxious, his hands started getting sweaty, not knowing what to expect.

When he opened the door and saw you standing there, looking as beautiful as ever, with a small smile adorning your face, the familiar smell of freshly made mochis, you could see his shoulders untensed, he was no longer wearing his glasses nor his blindfold. He seemed confused at first until you stepped closer to him and handed him a letter.

‘Dear ‘Toru:

How do I even start this? You’ll be surprised to know that everytime I reach for your hand after an exhausting night makes me feel relaxed in an instant. Ever since we met, the word ‘love’ has become something different for me. It became a stronger and heavier word to take out of me. You made me stop focusing on what others think, to try and teach everyone how important it is to have a feeling of goodwill. Because not everyone knows how it feels to find someone that makes you feel like you want to improve this world since you see the rest of your life with them. They say love is blind but I personally believe that this is not true because I can see and feel the love that exists between us. My love for you is capable of turning back the hands of the clock.

In other words, the issue here is that you think I’m not head over heels in love with your dumb fucking ass.’

You heard Gojo chuckle and looking back at you, you swear his eyes were brighter than last time you saw them, his demeanor seemed excited. And in not even a second he was grabbing you by your waist and giving a spin before hugging you.

‘You don’t know how much I wanted to do this, but I guess you were faster than me. You’ve got me acting like a fool.’ After that his lips connected with yours, and it was like they were molded for him. It tasted as sweet as candy, such a precious thing for someone else to have. He feels like he just won the lottery, fuck that, he has all the money he has, he feels like he just fucking rules this world.

He grabbed your legs with both of his hands, your legs wrapping around his body taking you into an even closer hug. Taking some steps back making sure to close the door. Then he laid you down on his bed. Giving small pecks all around your face which cause you to giggle. His kisses started trailing down your neck until he found that spot that made you whine and make your breathing heavier.

Your hands wrapped around his neck, supporting yourself, he continued kissing you. His hands roaming and exploring your whole body. Taking a break from kissing, he grabbed your hands from his neck, pinning them with one of his hands all extended above your head on the bed.

He just admired your form, your pouty lips after all that kissing, your uneven breathing trying to calm yourself down. You were perfect. You were now his.

‘Baby… before I continue, are you sure about this?’ He asked you, his eyes searching for any discomfort in your body. You nodded your head, giving him a shy smile.

‘I need words baby, words.’ He chuckled at you, getting closer to your ear and slightly biting the part of your neck below it. 

‘Just fuck me already ‘toru, be my first for once.’

Gojo’s breath stopped suddenly, his eyes were wide thanks to the unexpected information. The thought of being the first man to make you his, and he’s sure he’ll also be the last, made the blood of his brain go exactly to his dick.

He sighed, almost sounding like a whimper, ‘Is that so baby? he hummed before his hands got under your dress and started playing with your nipples. You didn’t bother to use a bra since the fabric of the dress was thick enough to cover your body. With a pinch on your nipple with his index finger and thumb, twisting it, made you moan, at which he just smirked.

His free hand started unzipping your dress, his other hand leaving your tits to help you undress, leaving you just in your underwear. He looked at you like if you were a piece of art, (which you are for his eyes only) admiring his work of marking you, your face already fucked up and he just started.

‘We can stop anytime.’ He assured you at which you just shyly nodded before your hands grabbed his shirt, signaling to take it off. He chuckled before doing so, he started kissing you again, then slowly going down your body, kissing your tits, tummy, until he reached your underwear. He gave you a last look before he continued. He gave a small peck on your clothed pussy before taking it off. 

‘Can’t believe I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet. Makes me want to wreck you.’ His face suddenly surged into your pussy, his nose tickling your clit while he started teasing your hole with his tongue. Making you moan his name, you could feel he started drawing infinity symbols with his tongue before it changed to pleasure your clit and he then inserted his index finger inside of you.

‘Y-yes ‘toru! Right there!..’ Your moans made him a starved man and started devouring your pussy with more favor, making the pleasure way too much to handle, moans and whines coming out of your mouth, he then inserted a second finger inside of you. Making you feel giddy and your vision becoming blurry thanks to the tears forming on your eyes.

‘That’s right sweetheart, cry for me, show me how much you like this.’ He stopped eating you out, while he admired your body twitching thanks to his fingers moving inside of you.

You covered your face with one of your arms and his movement suddenly stopped.

‘Ah-ah, I need to see you princess, 'm simply enjoying the view. it's not every day I get to fuck someone so pretty. Let me see that pretty face of yours and I'll continue.’ With a whine you uncover yourself and he starts moving his fingers again, transforming that whine into a moan. ‘That's it baby.’

He just needed to move his finger a little higher and with that your vision became white and you came. Stripes of your fluids wetting Gojo’s fingers.

‘Such a good little pup, aren't you?’ He chuckled to himself before he started unbuckling himself, giving you time to calm yourself down.

‘You want to continue sugar?’ You nodded and that’s all he needed before getting his remaining clothes off. Showing his hard cock, the base was beige-ish with a pink and hard tip. A vein adorning it on the left part, it wasn’t so thick but oh man, he was large.

‘It won’t fit ‘toru.’

‘I’ll make it fit baby.’

He started inserting his cock inside of you, the stretch making you furrow your face.He started giving you small pecks to distract you from the pain it’ll later turn into please. He was half in when you swear you could feel the tip of his cock coming out of your throat.

‘Just a bit more princess…’ Once he was completely inside, he gave you some time to adjust yourself. It wasn’t until his cock twitched a little inside of you that touched your gummy spot that made you see stars. 

‘Please move ‘toru.’

He started carefully thrusting, testing to see if you’re comfortable. ‘Do I continue- agh- baby..?’ He said between whimpers, feeling your hole clenching perfectly on his cock had him feeling like no other.

‘Huh…uh…keep going.’ He started thrusting faster, each time sucking him better than the last. ‘Faster—ah shit—harder…’

Your hands rested on his chest, while Gojo grabbed your legs, throwing them each on his shoulders, putting you into a mating press. Your hands then lowered themselves a little not his nipples, and you made an experimental movement of moving his nipple to the side, at which he responded with a whimper coming out of his mouth.

‘Nng~ That’s right baby, I love it when you touch me like that.’ He groaned when you pinched his right nipple, before a moan came out of you. Making you see stars again while he continued thrusting into you. Your fluids make it easier for him to insert himself again.

His hand traveled down your body until it met your clit, rubbing it, causing the overstimulation making you almost scream. Tears coming out of you, strips of cum filling your womb. But he didn’t stop.

‘I-im sorry baby, it just- ah~ feel so good.’ The overstimulation became too much for him too, rubbing your clit faster while he clumsy continued thrusting, making the both of you cum again in not even 5 minutes.

He lowered your legs down, admiring your hole full of his cum, before resting beside you. Getting an arm sound your body while he covered the both of you with the sheets and you rested your head on his chest.

Heavy breathing was all you could hear, before he gave you a small peck on the top of your head, looking back at him, the both of you smiled at the other. Both of you became one eunoia.

[rockinmyownboat]

Lavine to the Latrine (and Other Dark Fantasies of Feminist Equality)

My mom raised me right. I was taught to respect women. Thats a crazy concept coming from a testosterone fueled penis-handler, like myself. But it's a real thing. My mom raised as much of a feminist out of a headstrong boy with rock and roll in his veins as she could. At most, she instilled a very specific brand of old school chivalry to respect, cherish, and value women as bringers of life. At the very least, she taught me to not use women as sex objects to wipe my ego's ass.

Thats why i really sucked as a rockstar. I tried it. Not gonna lie to you either. I got my hands on more bumper than an autobody shop in my 20s. As a single guy at the time, i didn't see any problems. Thank God I don't think that way anymore. I like to think that's because i grew up a little ... 🤷‍♂️

Even though i was single and free to do whoever i wanted, ill tell you what i learned. It was empty and unrefined.. So baseless, tasteless and Predictable.

Can i say this? I think i shall.

It was fucking BASIC.

Hedonism just never set well, even when i tried to pursue it fully with nary a care in the universe.

I would feel the weight of my choices every time my logical brain would catch up to the rabid horndog in my nutsack, forcing me to reign him in. I felt remorse and Regret. It left a worse taste in my mouth than drunken vomit... and ironically was often an additional side effect. As bad as my debauchery might have been on a sliding scale, it was nothing compared to others bragging their female exploits like millionaires boasting financial accomplishments.

Even when i thought i didn't care, i still had standards to my treatment of womenfolk.... Many of the guys i played music with didn't.

I cringe when i think of some of the assholes i used to run with and hear the stories they'd tell behind closed doors. Full bongs and beers loosened lips about their uses and abuses of women they would claim to love out in public.

Its true we become who we value. I was placing value on the wrong people, frankly. Over time, even my mamas boy got caught up in all the impressive charisma of being a pretentious douchebag.

I did some really bad shit to good women. Not like, forcing them or anything. But pushing boundaries, or using them to get my dopamine hits from cheap ego boosts. I really fucked things up. I can't nor would i lie or try to make excuses. I feel those consequences now, as much as then. Existing in a perpetual state of cognitive dissonance is unhealthy.

My reason to change came from a "compliment."

I finally realized what a shitty person i was becoming when an ex girlfriend included a Maroon5 song on our "I Love You" Playlist. She said, it was cause of the chorus, and how good our sex was. It made me feel good at the time. Hell.... She used to compare me to their lead singer. At the time, it felt like quite the ego boost. The guy's physically hot. I'll admit it. But i realized later that was NOT at all what i wanted the basis for our relationship to be. Especially after i paid attention to the REST of the chart topping single's lyrics. I was disgusted, frankly. Her compliment went from an ego-boost to a disturbing insult real quick.

Thats why i feel like the stigma of being a "rockstar" needs to be deconstructed. Its all a bullshit game, based on dumb luck, blind chance, and the right handjobs in the right offices to get the prettiest, vapid, most toxic douchebags on planets in front of WOMEN. The results are the money women spend on the majority of products, as consumers. Women have the most buying power out of ANY demographic these days.

Ladies, do you realize what im saying? Your financial decisions and what you choose to spend money on is the majority of blood running through this massive capitalist machine? That's why so much effort has been taken to suppress and silence you into subservience ....

You have the power of money, the blood that makes the world turn.

Thats A LOT of fucking power you hold in your wallet... And its being sorely wasted...

We all know the music industry is not about talent. It involves honing a baseline of a skillset, getting good at it, and then perfecting it for a record label's sales expectations. That's it. Some learn how to fix cars and its like magic to those of us that can't. Some learn how to fabricate and its like magic to those of us that can't. Some people are great cooks, while others burn water. What we CAN'T Do is mystifying to us until we learn how its done.

Writing a pop song can be done in as little as 15 minutes, because of how easy it is to follow a simple formula, with four chords to start with. Most pop songs follow a non-complicated verse- chorus- verse- chorus- bridge- chorus formula. Start with a simple melody. Write some lyrics that catch the ear. Get super repetitive.

Wash rinse repeat for 15 tracks and then claim you labored blood sweat and tears to the public.

Pop music 101. Got it? It's nothing impressive.

But Hollywood built an empire out of it. Processed music thats as great for the intellect as plastic cheese is for the gut. Empires are full of corrupt disgusting people who need to be taken to task. One of those has gone through unscathed, so far. But im interested to watch him squirm.

Here we go. This one for you, ladies😏....

So Adam Levine is turning out to be just another white, patriarchal, pretty-boy- piece-of-shit who thinks its okay to cheat on his wife and kids with several younger downgrades..... and then issue a half assed statement that was not even a real apology but rather a pseudo-effective diminishing of his crimes ..... hmmm... who knew??

Total shocker, right? Housewife heartbreak is heard across the internet....

From my point of view, anyone shocked by that is an absolute Moron5.

That is a moron to the 5th power. For each level of subsequent denial involved in being a woman and knowingly supporting the sexist bigoted content in Adam Levine's music.

Lets go back a few years.

Maroon5's 2011 hit "Animals" was chart topping. The lyrics and music video were also incredibly controversial in the ways you do not want to be. The video featured explicit depictions of abhorrent sexual behavior and cannibalistic imagery, cleverly disguised as a peppy pop song. The lead singer's nonchalant dismissal of femine rights groups' concerns should have been more than enough to cast a huge red flag on the bands success. He showcased himself as a sexist pig, white washed with poser tattoos and a half-assed beard. But alas ... propel foward a decade and he sits on a panel of judges for American Idol, the controversy of his projected sexual deviance forgotten like a dead pet.

If you haven't seen the video yet, don't. It'll make you sick if you're a decently empathetic human. Read a review instead. They're all pretty explicit in the descriptions. Look up the lyrics to the song. Don't bother listening to it. You'll never get rid of that obnoxious parasite of an earworm.

Its a song about a man stalking a woman, and raping her. And its goddamn catchy.

Heres what bunches my boxer briefs up....

It seems like just because he cuts his diamond nipples on his chiseled abs, women will write off and even swoon and gush over stalker/rapist behavior in his songs and belt that shit out like they wrote it ...

See here's the thing...

If I wrote a song like that, i would be committed. Or at the very least, I'd have a LOT of questions to answer about my mental state. And i would probably lose a lot of people that have been fans of my music.

And i'd deserve it.

If I acted as the video depicts, and stalked someone at a club, or ended up outside their apartment taking photos, I would get thrown in fucking jail. That behavior is not acceptable in real life. As we all should know.

Thing is, a flashy prententious douche like Lavine can sing those kind of lyrics though. Because he is pretty enough to make women override their self respect and logic with washboard abs and their hormones.

Frankly ladies, you're being impressed with the wrong shit.

Showmanship and production are all you need to make a concert or an album impressive. I know... im part of the cultural subset with that skillset. I can sing pretty well, too. I can write catchy melodies and incessant earwigs. I can even play guitar or bass or drums... whatever you want me to do.....

Don't be impressed. Please for the love of God.

Its my skillset, remember? I can't fix an engine to save my goddamn life.

Dont lose me in false humility here. Im proud of what I've accomplished in my music career. No money to speak of, but I've proven I can write catchy, decent, radio quality rock songs.

Whats more?

I did it WITHOUT hiring a team of bigshot producers to help. Suck on that, Lavine. The last Maroon5 album cost how many tens of thousands of dollars to produce. It sounds just like every other pop album out there ...? Nothing unique .... or inherently deep or compelling.

Well in ten years, I've dropped 4 albums of original material.... and done the majority of instrument performance on each. Ive helped produce and mix.... even mastering.

Here's the thing.... Im not masturbating my own ego. What im doing is minimizing Maroon5's musical accomplishments and musical impact.

They've done nothing innovative to garner such a massive cult-like following.

Maroon5 rode the coattails of their model pretty boy frontman who honed his skillset into a carefully crafted persona of machiavellian derivation.

They've never been known for their high lofty musical quality. They do bubblegum pop that has as much substance and flavor as a stick of Fruit Stripe.

It might surprise you to know musicians and singers who massively outclass Adam Levine live in your town. You've probably passed by them on the street. Maybe you've been out with friends drinking and will hear them singing karaoke. Maybe you've seen them at church or work. And you'll ignore them cause you know them. Or cause you don't recognize their songs. And they don't have rock hard abs or pretty faces. Sometimes they're even a little midsection soggy

They're just normal people who possess extraordinary musical talent. But that's not gonna appeal to you much without an airbrushed pin up, right?

Ill give Adam credit. The guy is talented and can sing well.

You bet your ass, im still Not playing any of his albums... cause he's a sexist asshole. And that behavior is not okay. I don't care how hit he is.

See, you can give someone due credit for being a decent performer... and not endorse or support them if they use that platform to endorse predatory behaviors that serve the narcissistic glory hole of their ego.

Just cause hes on, doesn't mean you have to watch.

You know who else had raw Talent and sang dark disturbing shit about women?

R. Kelly.

Oh yeah. Shits about to get real.

How long did we overlook the fact that he was pissing on little girls as long as the brother was pissing out Top 40s hits, too?

Adam might not be directly giving golden showers, but his songs piss in the face of true feminism that strives for sexual equality both in the bedroom. And outside of it ...

Im not impressed with his talent or how he has chosen to use it.

Ever hear the term "sellout?"

Pretty sure the dictionary definition should feature a photo of Adam and a full bio.

He gets away with glorifying psycho-sexual predatory behavior and tops the Billboards because women enable him.

Women buy his albums ...... and

WOMEN .......

..... are the majority that stream his music ....

.....

Ladies, do You see where I'm going with this yet?

Yes, you do Penny. You're a shallow dopamine addict just like the rest of Western Culture. We all enjoy wasting money on worthless crap that feels good for 10 seconds. But this goes deeper than that. So let me illuminate the dark tunnel of hypocrisy in this cultural backdrop of ours with the mental freight train of the truth.

We live an age where you can de-cry the patriarchy for equal rights, post some #metoo hashtags for solidarity with abuse and rape victims, and wear a vagina on your head to protest a sexist president that likes to talk about grabbing women by the pussy .... And think that those will be effective movements....

.... But why... when Adam Levine sings about stalking and raping a woman, does your feminism melt into a puddle in the panties .... and override every logical circuit in every house wife in America, translating to proportional cashflow...?

Great job sticking to your convictions, ladies.

The vast majority of Maroon5 fans are women. And most of them are the same women pissed off at Harvey Weinstein for being a fat, disgusting, sick fuck that preyed on women for their livelihood ... that's some next level evil shit.

Women everywhere should be pissed; hell, ill be honest. I'm not even a woman... and I'm constantly infuriated with womens lack of autonomy in society, and the ways that they're treated.

My dick gives me no authority over your body ladies. I have no right to dominate you ever as a means to gain power over you.

And that's what we're REALLY talking about in the BIGGER conversation, right?

Feminism is all about "leveling the playing field," right?

So lets level this shit out.

Im begging these hypocrites to tell me why rape and psychosis are so much more palatable to the average female psyche when the rapist has rock hard abs?

Why is it okay for Adam to act the way he does, or write songs the way he does, expressing obvious darker tendencies... and women justify it with buying power and attention? Why have NO women hit his pretty ass with a #METOO, despite the fact that that he's obviously a powerful sexual influence in the Hollywood entertainment machine? He's got his share of demons in his crotch.... I guarantee it.

My heart breaks for Adam's kids. They're going to go through a shitton of heartbreak over their dads choices. And i don't think we should directly blame his wife for anything....

... well anything other than her own choices, that is. She's a victim. But she's not a blameless one. To call her "unwitting" or "innocent" is the exact hypocrisy im addressing with this blog.

She's the same wife that played the object of Adam's toxic obsession in the vile music video.

He told her he wanted her to lay down on a table while a group of men leered over her naked body and pretended to eat her guts. She agreed to a scene with her husband depicting the two of them having sex while being bathed in blood. She agreed to be stalked and objectified on camera for her husbands dark lustful fantasies.

Ever heard of projecting? If this is what Adam Levine projects ..

To the PUBLIC...

what's really going on behind closed doors?

His wife is just as guilty of ENDORSING his degradation, instead of CONDEMNING it. She enabled a dark fantasy that would have Hannibal Lecter stroking furiously with the lotion on his skin with psycho-sexual cannibalistic undertones.... time to get the hose again.

She made a bed of scissors. She knew what she was getting into when she married him. She ignored plenty of red flags. She gets to lay in that bed. I feel no pity for her choices. Only a sad indifference.

But, hey....

....this is just another day at the bulge of Hollywoods crotch, with women on their knees in front of it to hand over their money and self respect for a catchy melody. They all should be getting up and walking away and demanding higher quality from pop music, by investing attention and plays in higher quality songwriters that respect and defend a woman's bodily autonomy, not exploit it.

But damn ... those songs are so goddamn catchy aren't they? So we'll just sweep this... and that...under the rug... and we'll just keep our low standards for lyrics and entertainment right where they are.

As long as it's Adam Levine's chiseled body and smooth falsetto that rape your feminist principles, you'll happily degrade your morals to jack off his ego for that coveted money shot.

Not to be to flippant considering the seriousness of the subject, but with all due respect, the willing can't be raped.

To put it simply, Adam Levine and the attention he receives for his bigotry is the walking definition of toxic masculinity, affluence, and violence against women. And you're buying it Because he's pretty. And you're being shallow.

Thats right, i said it. Shots fired.

Lets put this in another light.

If Brock Turner had just written a song, instead of raping a girl, he would have had a platinum album, I'm sure. As long as it had a catchy melody to it. But he was a fucking athlete.

Different skillset to mystify the judges. Go figure.

We all know the rest of the story. This Texas college student, whose daddy played golf with the mayor, decided to LIVE OUT THE SONG, "ANIMALS"....

For kicks on a friday fucking night, Brock found a hot girl at a party to obsess over. Then he Drugged her. Dragged her behind a garbage can, beat her... and raped her ...and left her there.

Think about that the next time you catch yourself singing along with Adam Levine's happy peppy melody.

The world was shocked and dismayed when the judge RULED IN BROCK'S FAVOR....

But wait .....

Doesn't Adam endorse and encourage behavior like Brock Turner's from the stage every time Maroon5 does the song "Animals?" Hmmm....

And ladies, you find that this level of degredation... is acceptable.... because it is.... ART?

My head is starting to ache.

Apparently, great abs, a pretty face and a silky smooth voice makes it okay to be a psycho.

Adam can cheat on his wife; or Objectify a womans sexuality; or blatantly disrespect feminist ideals in his lyrics... and its okay. Cause IT'S ART. He can write billboard top 20 songs about stalking and play those songs for thousands of women in stadiums all over the country that proudly sing along to his catchy pop-fueled rape narrative. He lines his deep, patriarchal, white-male-priveleged pockets with a flash-flood of feminist currency every show.

And he's mocking women with his million dollar smile, cause he knows he can get away with the joke.

Brock Turner. Good looking guy with washboard abs and a fuckton of parental funding. The judge thought his future was worth more than the womans body he violated. So he let the kid off. Brock smiled. Cause he knew he could get away with the joke ...

Coincidence? I think not. Something smells sketchy. Seems like theres a bigger picture being painted, where if you're still relatively young, white, and good looking (regardless if you're a narcissistic piece of shit....), its your "get out of jail free" card.

But Hollywoods gotta hang SOMEONE out to dry.

Whos it gonna be? Old guys. Fat guys. Or black guys.

Louis C.K. gets in trouble for masturbating in front of a woman. He didn't even touch her!!! Okay?? He touched HIMSELF....Now, im not saying he should have. He shouldn't have. But he was disgraced for it. And became an outcast ... in COMEDY ....

Think on that.

...in light of Levine's endless lyrical expressions of uncontrolled lust and sexual domination, and his rabid feminine fanbase, i think this is just a little hilarious and ironic ... but sadly fucking predictable.

Why?

Hes an older white guy. And he's fat. Nobody wants to think about Louis C.K. masturbating. You can't blame the woman for getting offended. But completely disgraced ...? Seems excessive, considering the Comedy gold potential there, but okay. We'll move on.

Did Harvey Weinstein get lucky?

We could say He was TRYING... he was using a tactic to get laid, because he KNEW nobody would sleep with him otherwise. Hollywood knew about it. Covered it up for decades. I think they secretly felt bad for him.

Til he got fat. Like really fat. Like... "oh hell no!" When you see him coming towards the elevator.

Off with his head.

What about R.Kelly? Did he get away with his prosti-Tot empire? Well yeah..

He did...

For years... even when he coerced an under-age Aaliyah into marriage so he could control her.

Until he outlived his usefulness as the Pied Piper of R&B (Goddamn, as if that NICKNAME was not a DEAD GIVEAWAY to his depths of depravity ..), in the end, was he gonna KEEP getting away with it?

Hell no ... He was too black. Black guys don't get away with shit for very long in White Hollywood.

What about Cosby? He was fat AND black. AND old. A triple-threat irrelevant antique....

He was able to run around with his Spanish Fly puddin pop out all over Hollywood for decades...

Til he was no longer relevant. At which point, he became a sacrifice for the #metoo movement.

Off with his nut.

We could spend another blog unpacking the racial implications there but ill save that for another day. Suffice to say, i agree with the way Dave Chappelle put it... to rephrase "WHATEVER the most popular black man in Hollywood has gotten caught doing. 12 average white guys are DOING worse."

Now, what about those "not-so-average" white guys at the top of the food chain?

They all had signs in their dead eyes, staring blankly at the world like a predator. They left an adoring public and hundreds of thousands of fans in denial about the dark shit behind their eyes, as they would stare at the world through emotionless hues.

Finally NOW, THEY SUFFER for their lack of vision.

How long before the Moron5 supporting Levine realize he's the same brand of predator and make him suffer? Im eager to watch the fall.

Goddamn cancel culture is infuriatingly inconsistent. The hot ones almost always get away With it. They prey on a shallow surface level culture as empty vapids suckle its wiles like piglets on teats.

Adam is an infectious pervasive masochistic sickness of toxic masculinity wrapped up in shallow trappings of glitz and glamour. His brand of sickness deserves a short stop and sudden drop from our cancel culture, dont ya think?

#maroon5

#animals

#toxicmasculinity

#doublestandards

#rkelly

#psychotics

#sickbastards

#realfeministsdontfallforslickabs

#metoo

#realshit

#mythoughts

#adamlevine

#maroon5

#goldenshowers

#davechappelle

#louisck

#billcosby

#puddinpop

[hollyhomburg]

I'm fairly confused about this entire situation, honestly. I saw the original girl comment about whether or not she was entirely sure to feel comfortable on a page meant to do that exact thing. In my opinion (which is fairly confused atm), you were both in the wrong. Of course, you don't have to answer anything about your gender or whether or not you have certain body parts, I can definitely understand that! But the extra meanness was a bit uncalled for. They just didn't want to feel unsafe :/

Also, everyone deals with pain differently. Whether or not if it's something that seems a bit pushy or not. I feel for both sides of this weird miscommunication, I really do. I guess that's just my inner-understanding lol. So yeah, I feel for you! I know what it feels like to go through things that annoy you and cause disruption amongst your inner self, but my heart also goes out to the girl that was painted as a transphobe when all she wanted to do was feel was safe.

P.S, this was absolutely not coming from a place of anger! It is your choice whether to insult me or realize that people have different opinions; I will understand if either one is chosen! I wish you well, and if the girl is also reading this, I wish you well too and I really do hope that you get closure and understanding because I've also gone through something similar to what you have. It's so painful, but stay strong and you'll be able to say that you came out of it alive :)

----------------------

First off, I want you to know that the anger in the response is not directed at you the asker of this question. but at the person from last night. second, I’m probably not going to respond to any more asks on this topic, because I'm tired. 

okay so let me put it this way for you. you would not under any circumstances pull down Anyone's pants to check their genitals in public. right? or demand that they pull down their pants for you and expose themselves in a public way just so that you can make sure they don’t have a penis. 

The fact of the matter is that someone else's genitals are none of yours nor anyone else's business. And asking about this is not only violating and transphobic but also inappropriate. (I shouldn’t have to clarify that this is transphobic at this point. before you want to argue that- do your research, google is free).

what you seem to misunderstand is that transphobia is an act of aggression. to be transphobic is to cause trauma, to trigger, to be violent. this person asking me about my genitals was an act of violence. and I responded like it was one- with meanness that was called for because I felt hurt. because what they said was hurtful. 

as someone who has never felt safe in my entire life, both because of abuse, rape, and my identity- that doesn't give me a right to threaten someone elces safety because my safety demands it. each and all traumas are valid, and just because they wanted to feel safe on my page doesn't give them a right to take away my safety. especially because this is my page and my safe space that I have created with hours of uncompensated work. So no- they don't have a right to take away my safety and security for their own.  

asking on anon is also a little sus, they didn’t reach out through dm- which is how all things of a personal nature should be. they knew there was a possibility I would take it wrong and didn’t want to be blocked from my page. they feel entitled to my work and entitled to my body in the same way. i wont apologize for trying to preserve this page, and I won’t apologize for acting for matching their level of meanness. 

when you have trauma there are so many things that are triggering for other people that aren’t triggering for you. The real world doesn't come with specific trigger warnings and you have to eventually come to that conclusion with trauma, you will be triggered for no reason at one point, and its a sad fact but it will happen. 

for example- one of my triggers is piano music. to this day I can’t watch my favorite idol play piano because it is too much of a trigger to me. 

But I would NEVER insinuate that min yoongi needed to stop playing piano music just because at one point in my life my stalker would blast piano music outside my bedroom window at 3 am to keep me from sleeping for weeks at a time. or because I was constantly sleep deprived growing up because he wouldn’t let me sleep- my triggers and my reality are irrelevant to min yoongi enjoying the thing he enjoys, just like that person’s trauma is irrelevant to my own. It would be mean and uncalled for me to demand he stops doing something he loves just because it's a trigger for me. People will exist outside of your trauma and that's okay.  

(tw; rape) I’ve been rapped by three men in my life. One was a frat boy in college who I woke up to telling me my hole was bleeding and wanted me to leave because I was getting it all over his sheets. another was a old man, it happened when I was so little that I barely remember it and honestly, all I remember is how much it hurt and how dirty his hands were, he had a lot of dirt under his nails and I remember thinking ‘i don't think that should go inside me’ as a fucking 5-year-old

And the third, was three years ago when an American gi rapped me in hongdae, South Korea, I met him at a bar called mikes cabin. I wasn’t a perfect victim, i’d just had a fight with my soulmate and I went out looking for trouble and I found it. but after I changed my mind he didn’t care, he shoved his dick in my ass without my consent. I bled all over his sheets too. choked on the blood coming out my nose after he slapped me. i remember he shoved his phone in my face to take pictures. somewhere out there there are pictures of me getting raped and I don’t even know where they are or how many people have seen them. 

I don't even know his name only that he had a rose tattoo over his heart. my deadnames middle name is rose. My mom calls me ‘rosebud’ or ‘rosie’ more than my dead name. is it a trigger for me? yes. it is. of course, it is. how could it not be?  

I’ve been raped. i know what they’ve gone through, I know where their pain comes from but my pain is valid too. my genitals could be a trigger to that anon, but defining them in a binary of woman and man is a trigger for me. I am a person and they are a person and both of our triggers are equally valid. but this is my place. this is my expression. 

so why did I act meanly? first off. they violated me by asking me invasive questions and demanded a response. and then secondly; when I asked them not to and told them no- they invalidated my consent and my trauma. then thirdly- they misgendered me- fully committing to being a transphobe. that's why I was mean- because they were mean first.  

this is the only time I’ll explain why I was justified. I hope they get closure too- but their closure isn’t going to come from violence against me or any other trans person. one day that person is probably going to meet a trans woman, and I hope they know better than to call them a boy just because they have a penis. trans people aren’t your punching bags for your trauma. 

trauma doesn't give you the excuse to be a transphobe, no matter what happened to you. you have to learn to treat others with dignity and respect no matter their gender identity or how they trigger you. Because people can’t control what parts of themselves are triggering to you. 

This is the last I’ll talk about this. I'm gonna delete all the other asks asking me about this. I’m not going to talk about it anymore. if you can’t understand why what they did was bad, get off my page. I don’t want you here. 

[dweetwise]

day 24: carnival

prompt from: cocktober pairing(s): felix x ace, dwight x steve, past felix x kate notes: i had a ton of fun with this one <3 thanks @razorvine for putting the idea of hot college professor felix in my head! warnings: implied internalized homophobia (aka felix has yet another gay panic) word count: 2680

Felix doesn’t remember when he’s last had this much fun.

Sure, he’s spent way more than he meant to on rigged carnival games and overpriced street food and only has a poorly made plushie and some heartburn to show for it. 

But the company more than makes up for it.

Ace’s gaze is glued to the wheel of fortune, watching it spin with an eager smile that reminds Felix of a child waiting for Christmas. He doesn’t necessarily approve of his boyfriend’s gambling habits, but he’s not against it, either, not even dreaming of denying Ace when he gave Felix his best puppy eyes and assured “Just one round, I promise!”.

Predictably, the wheel doesn’t land on Ace’s number, but it doesn’t seem to phase him.

“It was worth a shot!” Ace grins. “Now give me back my cock.”

Felix snorts and obediently hands the rooster plushie back to its rightful owner, silently adding another tick to his mental tally of how many penis jokes the toy has inspired. That’s six, now.

“Where to next?” Felix asks, carefully clasping Ace’s hand.

The bright smile and reassuring squeeze he gets in return is enough to calm his resurfacing nerves. This is the first time they’re in public together as a couple, and Felix isn’t even out yet, nor is his divorce finalized. They were supposed to go as just friends, Ace reassuring him he didn’t mind, insisting Felix needed to get out and enjoy himself after the stress of grading midterms and filing for divorce.

And even though Felix still feels a little anxious, the carnival spirit had hit him hard, and he found himself laughing and joking and playing childish games without restraint. Having Ace by his side was just so nice, and he’d realized they hadn’t even been on a proper date before.

When he’d grabbed Ace’s hand after they made absolute fools of themselves at the water gun stall, more focused on soaking each other than hitting the actual targets, it had felt new and scary but also right. From then on, it only became easier, lingering touches on his boyfriend’s shoulder or a casual arm around his hip, even daring to share a secretive kiss behind one of the tents.

“What about the ferris wheel?” Ace suggests, a mischievous glint in his eye. “If you’re nice I’ll even let you pet my cock.”

Seven.

“Oh no, I just remembered I’m afraid of heights,” Felix teases. “Looks like you and your cock will have to fly solo.”

Eight.

To think that just a few hours ago, he was nervous to even be seen in public with Ace, and now he’s holding his hand in the middle of a crowd and making sexual innuendos.

“Oh, what’s that?” Ace jokes, lifting the toy up to his ear. “Apparently, he’s bored of my attention and likes yours so much more,” his boyfriend purrs.

The ridiculous display shouldn’t make Felix blush but it does, suddenly feeling a little hot under the collar, awkwardly clearing his throat while trying to fight the flush creeping up his neck.

“Why don’t we get something to drink?” he suggests, noticing how dry his throat seems to be.

“Getting a little thirsty?” Ace smirks but, thankfully, drops the line of conversation that is very much not appropriate for a family event like this.

They have some trouble locating a food stall that doesn’t have a mile-long line but that’s alright with Felix, already feeling calmer as they leisurely explore the carnival grounds together. Felix points out some games he wants to try later and Ace half-heartedly tries to talk him into another round of the fortune wheel, and it’s a much needed break from hiding their relationship and worrying about the future.

Felix idly wonders when they’ll get to do this again. The carnival is taking place two towns over, which is one of the main reasons he agreed to come, knowing that the chances of bumping into someone he knows are slim. His social circle isn’t very big, but it’s mostly the school his worried about; running into colleagues or students wouldn’t necessarily put his career in danger, but it would make the rumors spread like wildfire. He’d rather keep his personal life private, at least until the divorce is finalized.

Luckily, the crowd has been nothing but unfamiliar faces the entire evening and he has nothing to worry about, at least for now. He grips Ace’s hand tighter as his boyfriend stops to finally look at a map after their aimless wandering, and he kind of wants to pull him in for a quick kiss, even in front of all these people.

Ace flashes him a bright smile before turning back to the map, oblivious to Felix’s intentions. Feeling his heart rate pick up, Felix swallows, looking around one last time to make sure nobody is watching—

And locking eyes with one of his students.

Felix freezes completely, not even realizing to let go of Ace’s hand, staring at the familiar young man in shock while Ace prattles on about something he saw on the map.

Felix doesn’t know whether the situation is made better or worse by the fact that it’s a student he actually likes. Dwight isn’t the top of his class by any means, but he’s hard-working and polite and Felix’s heart broke the one time he had to inform him he was about to fail a class. He’d hurried to offer additional assignments to get him a passing grade and Dwight had looked like he was about to cry from relief, profusely thanking him and apologizing over and over.

He doubts Dwight dislikes him, especially after that incident, but Felix is also pretty sure the entire school knows he’s married to the music teacher. Kate’s students love her and he’s already received a few hostile glares from sharp-eyed students who have either noticed their missing rings or maybe even asked Kate about it.

It feels like time itself slows down to a crawl as Dwight very obviously looks between Felix and his boyfriend. When his eyes widen in clear surprise, Felix stops breathing. This is it, it’s all over, tomorrow the entire school is going to know—

And then Dwight offers a small smile and a meaningful nod before turning back to his friend who looks to be engrossed in a game of ring toss. Felix lets out a sigh of relief and feels the tension leave his body. That was close.

“You okay?” Ace asks with a worried frown, and it’s only then Felix realizes how sweaty his palm is.

“Yeah, I…” Felix says, momentarily letting go of Ace’s hand to wipe his own on his pants. “Thought I saw someone. It’s fine.”

“We can leave if you want,” Ace says, always incredibly understanding of Felix’s anxiety. “Call it a night and watch one of those shitty slasher movies you like?”

Felix’s heart feels like it’s getting torn in different directions. His nerves are frazzled from the subconscious stress and the close call of getting outed against his will, but at the same time it’s the best day he’s had in years and he’s getting so, so tired of hiding.

Ace has been way more understanding than Felix deserves, patiently waiting for him to fumble his way through his first relationship with a man. There has been zero pressure from Ace’s side, other than ending things with Kate before things went further because “I’m a pretty shitty person, but not that shitty”. Ace had let him take things at his own pace, not making a big deal out of Felix’s clothes appearing in an empty drawer in his apartment or Felix’s toothbrush making a permanent stay next to his own.

And if the only thing Felix could do without freaking out was to hold his boyfriend’s hand in public, he’d sure as hell do it at every opportunity from now on.

“I’m alright,” Felix says with newfound determination, taking the inviting hand back in his own and intertwining their fingers. “I want to stay.”

He leaves out the “with you” and “forever” parts of the sentence. That will have to come later.

“Okay,” Ace agrees, though he still doesn’t look entirely convinced. “But it’s a standing offer. We can bail whenever you feel like it.”

The consideration melts away the last of Felix’s tension from the Dwight incident. He’s never understood how Ace can be so easy-going, expertly reading the room and always adapting with a smile on his face. Felix doesn’t even realize he’s been leaning closer until Ace’s smile widens into a roguish grin, tilting his head up and waiting for Felix to kiss him—

”Mr. Richter!”

Felix flinches away and reflexively drops Ace’s hand like burned, not missing the hurt flashing across his boyfriend’s face before it’s covered up by a pleasant smile. God, why is he like this, he can’t do anything right—

“Mr. Richter! Over here!” the voice is getting louder and Felix grits his teeth and turns to acknowledge its owner.

He sees another of his students, the Harrington kid, excitedly running over to him with a mortified Dwight hot on his heels.

“I thought it was you, dude! Good to see you!” Steve grins happily and Felix can’t find it in himself to be mad over a student just so genuinely happy to talk to him.

And then he realizes the consequences of this particular student seeing him in public with a man.

Steve isn’t a bad kid, but he is somewhat of a troublemaker, thankfully calming down a little after switching from a bad crowd to Dwight’s group of friends. But it’s not a harmless prank or poorly timed joke or interruption of a lecture that Felix is worried about.

It’s Steve’s absolute inability to keep his mouth shut.

“Hello Steve, Dwight,” Felix nods politely to them both, trying not to let it show that he’s screaming on the inside. He feels a little better when Dwight gives him an apologetic look from behind his friend and mouths a “sorry”.

“Hi, Mr. Richter,” Dwight says, hurriedly pulling on Steve’s arm. “We’ll just be on our way—”

“Where’s the missus?” Steve asks with a grin, peering behind Felix as if expecting Kate to appear out of thin air, and Felix clenches his fists and tries not to freak out even more than he already is. What the hell is he even supposed to answer to that?

“Oh, are you students of his?” Ace butts in, saving Felix’s sanity.

“Yeah, we’re in his physics classes!” Steve exclaims.

“Ah, taking a well-deserved break after midterms?” Ace effortlessly starts making casual conversation. “I’ve heard the physics teacher is a real hardass.”

“W-well, I think he’s really fair,” Dwight stammers, giving Felix a nervous glance.

“I mean yeah, he’s pretty strict but he also makes sure everyone understands, even if they’re a complete dingus,” Steve says and looks at Felix with a happy little grin. A tinge of pride blooms in his chest, always enjoying hearing his students compliment his work ethic.

There’s a beat of silence and Felix realizes everyone’s waiting for him to say something.

“This is Ace,” Felix starts, hesitating on how to introduce him.

“Hi, boys,” Ace hurries to take over, once again saving Felix from his inner turmoil. “Good to meet you.”

“Hey, man!” Steve greets cheerily. Then his eyes flick to the toy in Ace’s hands. “Nice cock.”

Ace barks out a hearty laugh while Felix chokes on his own spit and Dwight’s face goes beet red.

…Nine?

“Steve!” Dwight hisses in embarrassment while Steve just snickers.

“What? It’s a cool plushie!” Steve protests innocently.

“I like you, kid,” Ace grins in approval, before turning to Felix. “Why don’t I go grab us those drinks while you guys catch up?”

Felix gives him a wide-eyed look that simultaneously screams “please don’t leave me” and “please go away before I accidentally kiss you in front of my students”.

“Okay,” he manages with an unstable voice, not sure how he’ll survive Steve’s questions without Ace’s help, but knowing that splitting up will make them seem less conspicuous. Ace gives him a reassuring smile and turns to leave—

“Hold on, I’ll go with you!” Steve exclaims and Felix swears he hears Dwight mutter an exasperated “fuck”.

Ace looks at Steve in surprise before glancing at Felix, and when he doesn’t protests because he’s too busy internally panicking, Ace gives a one-shoulder shrug.

“Sure! It’ll be nice to have company in the three-hour line,” Ace grins.

“Cool!” Steve returns the smile, before turning to Dwight. “You want something, babe?”

…Hold on. “Babe”?

“N-no, I’m good, thanks,” Dwight stammers, face flushing red and fidgeting awkwardly. “I’ll wait here.”

“Alright, see you soon!” Steve offers with a goofy grin before leaving into the sea of people with Ace.

Felix stares after them for a few seconds too long before finally looking at Dwight, mouth opening and closing and not quite figuring out what to say.

“Okay, look, I’m—” Dwight nervously breaks the silence. “I’m so sorry about Steve, he just… really, really wanted to say hi, I don’t think he realized what he was—um, interrupting,” Dwight’s face somehow flushes even redder and Felix clears his throat, feeling heat rise on his own cheeks. “We’ll be out of your hair as soon as he gets back. Sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Felix lies, because he knows neither boy meant any harm and doesn’t want them to feel bad. “Can you… could you keep this to yourselves?”

“Oh! Of course!” Dwight hurries to reassure. “I, um, I know what it’s like. Steve used to have a girlfriend, and it took a while before he was ready to—err. You probably don’t care about any of that, sorry,” Dwight realizes, looking down at the ground in shame.

Felix does care, in fact he’s downright curious how the pair managed to deal with the situation, but he doesn’t know how to convey that without crossing the line of professionalism. Damnit, if only Ace was here—

“It’s just… You don’t have to worry about us telling anyone,” Dwight continues. “I-I’m sorry we, like. Invaded your privacy like this.”

“I suppose I could say the same,” Felix says. “I never knew you were a couple. I’ll be sure not to tell anyone.”

“Yeah, it’s… not necessarily a secret, anymore, but… thanks,” Dwight offers him a nervous smile. “Not everyone knows, and we’re cool with that.”

Relief floods over Felix as he realizes his secret is safe, at least for now. It never fails to amaze him just how mature his students can be, dealing with the exact same life problems as adults his age, and it just reminds him of why he became a teacher in the first place.

“Do you want to sit down while we wait?” Felix suggests, spotting a nearby bench that miraculously seems to be unoccupied. Dwight responds with a nod and a friendly smile, and soon they’re sitting down and making pleasant small talk about the carnival.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but… how did you meet?” Dwight asks cautiously after a while.

Felix knows he shouldn’t share his private life with a student, but he’s not on the clock and Dwight was the one to offer, seeming genuinely curious, so he starts talking.

And even if Felix ends up gushing about Ace like a schoolboy, Dwight doesn’t seem to care, adding cute “aww” comments and even sharing some of his best memories with Steve. Felix realizes it’s the first time he’s been able to openly talk about his relationship with someone who he knows won’t judge, and he feels like just a normal guy in a new relationship, hopeful and excited instead of anxious and paranoid like before.

And when their boyfriends eventually arrive with a lapful of food and drink and another rooster plushie, Ace making the tenth cock joke for the evening and Dwight chuckling while Steve laughs like a hyena, Felix feels like he's finally found a place where he belongs.

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach - Name Games

Continuing with the zanpakutou posts... One that seemed to get broadly misinterpreted is,

Katen Kyokotsu(花天狂骨)

...written as 花: “Flower,” 天: “Heaven,” 狂: “Madness,” and 骨: “Bone.”  Viz translated this as "Flower-Heaven Bone of Madness," and later changed it to “Flower Crazed Heaven Bone Spirit.”  But what I keep seeing overlooked is that Kyoukotsu(狂骨) is the name of a youkai; a white haired elderly man emerging from a well to act upon a grudge, cursing people who would drink from its well. (It’s also a homonym with the word for Kyoukotsu(胸骨) “Sternum” written “Breast”+”Bone” which is played on in Kyokotsu’s design for the anime as a skull-clad busty woman.)  “Bone-Spirit” actually does seem like it’s referring to the youkai, but then it scrambles up all the other adjectives and nouns. 

Kyoukotsu(狂骨)  is also a slang term in some regions for someone in a state of looking wild and and in noisy disarray --which basically refers to either a a mentally unstable person, or a raucous drunkard.  I think the logic in that might have to do with the idea of the Kyoukotsu cursing its well, and the idea that a belligerent or gibbering drunk being that way from having drank something evil... i.e. from a cursed well?  Given the nature of zanpakutou as reflections of their wielders’ inner-selves and Kyouraku’s disposition as a frivolous drinker, it may have been meant to imply a darker side to that.

I’ll be honest, I can’t tell if Katen is supposed to evoke “A Flower (from) Heaven” or “A Heaven (made/full of) Flowers.”  They more or less imply the same tone, but it’s the difference between a singular item or a whole landscape.  The only more specific phraseology I can find that would point in one direction over any other is katengecchi(花天月地) which refers to a scene of flowers blooming in moonlight, and kind of makes me lean more toward the landscape imagery of a field of flowers so beautiful that it is like heaven.  But I don’t know that those terms are even really related.

Together, at least to me, it seems to give off the impression of getting sloppy drunk in a field of flowers, which seems pretty in line with his general vibe.

But adding to these themes, his release call is notably longer than most, and appears to be specifically split up into one call for each of his two identical swords (and Ukitake’s the same, but noticeably Ukitake’s sword can’t be interpreted as two different names, like what they did with Katen and Kyoukotsu).  These and Ukitake’s, more than any other zanpakutou calls, and more like the hadou spells, lean into Kubo’s affinity for poetry --something he also indulges in in his tankobon poems.

花風紊れて, 花神啼き: “Flower-Wind* in disarray, Flower-spirit(s) call out/cry/wail”

*I think... think... maybe...  this is supposed to be an abbreviated form of Kachou-Fuugetsu(花鳥風月), written “Flower, Bird, Wind, Moon” which is a term used in classical Japanese art to refer to “the beauty of nature” as subject matter.  It doesn’t have to literally include Flowers, Birds, the Wind, or the Moon.  Basically, it just refers to a nature scene meant to display the beauty of nature (as opposed to being a slice of life or a strictly historical depiction, or other non-aesthetic-primary focus.)

Also the construction Kashin(花神) here written as “Flower kami*” doesn’t seem to refer to a specific deity, but worth noting is that it’s a homonym with Kashin(歌神): the kami* of Waka and of song --Waka being a traditional Japanese form of poetry, which are also sometimes translated as “muse” if that gives you a better sense of what they are.  Functionally they are closely related, because it’s the spirit of nature that inspire poetry/song about the beauty of said nature.  Moreover, as discussed previously, Shunsui has a distinct theme of both flowers and of music, so both feel kind of relevant here.

*I feel like this is kind of a Japanese mythos 101 thing to point out, but if you’re not aware, Shinto being an animist religion means they believe in an innate spirit in basically all things.  The word kami does not mean “god,” it refers broadly to that innate spirit that all things possess.  The most powerful kami are analogous to gods in other religions, but a kami’s only real definitive quality is that it is a spirit and that is exists...  the spirit of a flower has no power nor grand design nor will, nor any other quality that would make sense attributing to what we call a “god” in the West.  But that doesn’t make it any less a kami.

Also the naki(啼き) here is the same root as the nake(啼け) that Urahara and Benihime uses.  It can, in this context, read like “yelps” or “wails” or even “screams” but all in the tone of, “cries of distress.” (As opposed to quiet weeping; it’s “cry” as in the sound, not the tears.)

Also it’s kinds awkward but the verb midarete(紊れて) is the conjunctive form of the verb “to disturb” but I don’t know how to say that in English without throwing a lot of extra words into it, and I didn’t want to imply that there were more words and their implicit meaning involved.

And then...  

天風紊れて, 天魔嗤う: “Heaven-Wind in disarray, Tenma* laughs/sneers/ridicules”

I feel like “Heavenly Wind” here is supposed to refer to something more specific than just the two words mashed together, but I can’t really find anything that clarifies this for me...  But my first assumption is that like kamikaze(神風) “Divine Wind” it’s meant to describe a favorable wind, sent to protect or relieve someone in need; hence it being “spoiled,” “thrown about,” or “dispersed” being a bad thing, in the same tone as the Flower-Wind phrase above.  It’s the same verb, but i feel like “disarray” of something like “a wind” doesn’t visualize clearly.

And the specific term Kamikaze went from a general term to a specific title to refer to the two notable historic typhoons that coincidentally sank invading Mongolian fleets in the 13th century.  For their immense power and convenient timing they were attributed to acts of the divine defending Japan.  In turn it’s why the Japanese kamikaze pilots of WWII were so named.

*Tenma is the Japanese name of the Hindu Mara, of Buddhist mythos.  He is a kind of temptor figure presiding over both lust and desire as well as hesitation and fear such that they interfere with a buddhist's ability to meditate, focus, and adhere to their virtues.  In particular he's responsible for having tempted Siddharta Gautama Buddha with beautiful women. (in some iterations said to be the deva's own daughters.)

Yes, it’s the same Mara as the SMT franchise, but the giant penis monster Mara isn’t based on any real mythology, it’s actually a pun on the Japanese Mara(摩羅), written as “chafe/rub/polish/grind (against) thin-silk,” and used as a term meaning “obstacle to Buddhist practice” in accordance with the actual Hindu Mara’s role in mythology.  I’ll be honest though, I don’t know if the construction is supposed to reference masturbation or dry humping.  Maybe both?

So, trying to work all this into something a little more readable in English, what I think the overall vibe of this is, is...

“The-Beauty-of-Nature is being thrown into disarray, and the Flower-spirits wail;  Saving-Graces aren’t going to arrive, and ‘The Devil’ laughs(mockingly).”

The theme here is that the beauty of nature suffers, a heavenly blessing is interrupted, and a demonic figure laughs at it: There’s nothing to sing about, there’s no relief, the tempter wins.  It’s actually a little weird because thematically it feels very much the opposite of what his shikai actually does.  I feel like he wanted Shunsui using his shikai to be that moment of serious-ing up, but by the time he came back around to actually using it, he wanted to keep Shunsui’s powers more in line with his personality and save the change of mood for his big bankai reveal instead.  but we’ll get to that in a bit...

For context, Kyouraku Shunsui’s own name reading as “Capital(City) Music, Flower Water” points to his lazy personality: he’s a big city type who’s all about lounging and luxury and sweet indulgences.  So, his sword release by contrast is those declaration that playtime is over, Kyoraku is done being lazy.

Broadly speaking I never really liked Masashi Kudou’s anime-original designs for most of Bleach’s filler arcs, other than just not really aesthetically fitting with Kubo’s design sensibilities(all Kudou’s designs look like bad cosplay with big swatched of empty solid space, flat colors, no color balance, and no implicit weight or texture) they don’t really gel with most of their names and themes, but Katen Kyoukotsu in particular got kind of tragically reduced to a generic waifu design.  I honestly really hate that Kubo went and ran with that design for Shunsui’s bankai.

And speaking of bankai...

Karamatsu Shinjuu(枯松心中)

is tacked onto the end of the same name as the shikai to make the new bankai name.  Kara(枯) and matsu(松) just read as “Withered/Withering PineTree.”  Fun fact: when chapter 647 first ran in Weekly JUMP, the title was Kuromatsu(黒松) which is the specific species of “Japanese Black Pine,” Pinus thunbergii, which is the specific iconic tree used in Noh theatre.

And Shinjuu(心中) is written as “heart”/”mind” and “inside,” meaning “inner thoughts/feelings” but in the context of the bankai’s theatre theme refers to a “double suicide”/“lover’s suicide.“  It’s a theme in classical Japanese theatre and literature (but notably in Japanese puppet theatre) that when lovers, or sometimes parents and children are unable to live together due to social restrictions, they will tragically but nobly opt to die together with the expectation that they will be reunited either in the afterlife or in the next life via reincarnation.

I like the idea behind his powers and the progression of forcing people to play by the rules of children’s games, to forcing people to play by the “rules” of theatre plots.  But I was surprised his bankai didn’t come with the drawback of forcing himself to abide the same limitations: they both get sick together, they both drown together, they both hang themselves, etc...  The initial scene’s power walked right into this, but then the effect disappeared with the subsequent scenes...

All in all there’s just a lot going on in these names despite how little most of it ever really got addressed or elaborated on in the series.  Like a lot of stuff that got sort of awkwardly shoehorned into the final arc it feels like it wasn’t really played out to its fullest potential, but it’s still a super cool assortment of themes and motifs to think about.

[98prilla]

Birthday

Next

Previous

AO3

The next little part of my Darkside Logan series! Enjoy!

...

He wakes to a wild screech, glitter and party popper streamers raining from the ceiling, an incredibly loud noise maker going off, fireworks exploding against the ceiling, in pops of deep indigo and silver sparks. He raises an eyebrow as he sits up, stretching, lips twitching into a smile at Remus whooping and cartwheeling around his room, finally coming to a stop in front of him, clapping his hands and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 “Good morning to you as well, Remus. That was quite an impressive show.” He says evenly, the last of the glitter settling on the ground around him. “I do hope you’ll clean that up later, otherwise it’ll get everywhere.” He yelps as Remus pulls him to his feet and into a waltz, disembodied music drifting through the room, laughing as Remus spins him quicker than his mind can process, dipping him low to the ground. Then Remus swears, and he feels the balance shift, and they’re both on the floor, Remus landing atop him in a tangle of limbs, both of them erupting into startled laughter.

 “Not that you need a reason, but this seems like extra effort, even for you. What’s the occasion?” He asks, once they both get their laughter under control, untangling from each other as Remus helps him back to his feet, grin wide and wild, practically vibrating with energy.

 “Cygie! You really don’t know!?” Remus exclaims, linking arms with Cygnus as they leave his room, slowly walking down the hall to their kitchen.

 “Hmm… nothing comes to mind?” Remus squeals, pulling him faster towards the dark commons, Cygnus’s breath leaving him in a rush as he takes in the state of the room.

 It’s decorated with indigo and silver streamers draped in intricate knots across the ceiling. There’s an archway made of black and blue balloons over the entry way to the kitchen, sparkling silver stars dotting the walls, glittering tape tracing constellations in them. And across the wall, above the couch, is a hand made, hand painted, beautifully caligrohpied sign.

 “Happy birthday, Cygnus.” Janus says, echoing the sign, emerging from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel, watching him appraisingly.

 He can’t seem to find his words.

“Cyg?” Remus asks softly, coming around his front, taking both of his hands, and he realizes his eyes are watering, on the verge of tears. “Oh shit, did we fuck up? I’m sorry, was it the glitter? Was it the penis I hid in the happy bday sign?”

 “WHAT?!” Janus squawks indignantly at that, and Logan lets out a laugh, shaking his head, because he loves these two, so much, and he’s trying to regain his composure enough to explain.

 “No, I… it’s wonderful. I just… I’ve never celebrated, my birthday before. I never… kept track, with them. I… it’s been a year, already?” He asks, looking between Remus and Janus, who are sharing slightly horrified and slightly concerned looks.

 “You never… they never did anything for you? Not even Patton?” Remus asks, his voice so high it’s nearly at a pitch only dolphins can hear. He shakes his head, looking away.

 “There were more important things to attend to. I didn’t want to distract everyone. No one… remembered, anyway, so I just… stopped, keeping track.” He explains, not protesting as Remus pulls him into a tight hug.

 “Well. Your happiness and self worth are very much more important than having a productive day. If Roman gets a full week of birthday shenanigans, the least they could have done was give you a day, sweetling.” Janus adds softly, joining the hug for a brief moment, before pulling back, wiping away Cygnus’s tears, a soft smile on his face. “you deserve it, Cygnus. You work so hard, darling. You deserve to be pampered and fawned over for at least a day.”

 “Every day must be my birthday then.” He answers, smiling at Janus’s soft laugh, who ruffles his hair as he passes by.

 “Oh, you haven’t seen nothin yet, my starry night! Today is going to be a nonstop orgy of Cygnus appreciation! To Breakfast!” Remus screeches, sprinting into the kitchen, from which loud crashing emerges a moment later, along with a muffled “I’m okay!” That has Janus shaking his head with an exasperated smile as he follows Remus into the kitchen, ready to manage whatever mess he’d made.

…

A year.

 It has been a year. One whole year. Three hundred and sixty five days. Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes. Thirty one million, five hundred thirty six thousand seconds.

 It hasn’t felt like that long. Or maybe it has felt longer, with all the changes taking place in the mindscape. He’s not really sure, but it sure is giving him a bit of a strange sense of vertigo, right now.

 It’s almost impossible, to compare where he is now to where he was a year ago, two years ago. He’s… happy. He’s so much happier than he’s ever been before, he feels appreciated, he feels loved, he feels listened to. He’s not working himself to near death every single day without giving himself any breaks. He’s not pretending to be a machine, not denying his emotions anymore. He’s smiling, he’s laughing, he’s crying, he’s… learning, how to express himself, to understand his emotions, and always, always, Remus and Janus were patient and considerate and there for him.

 His relationships with the others are also probably better than they have ever been before. He was right, when he told Patton so long ago that they would do better as friends than as family. That the distance would be good for them.

 Everyone is making progress, in leaps and bounds, in acknowledging their own faults, in realizing their own shortcomings, in accepting their flaws and reaching out for help. It helps, he supposes, that there are now two sides who can, in a way, sense lies. Neither him nor Janus will let the others get away with denying their needs or wants, not when it’s important, anyways, and slowly, everyone is getting into the habit of simply… not hiding.

 Patton is open, about his bad days. The days he calls ‘gray days’, where the world doesn’t seem to shine, where nothing feels right or good, and he can’t see a point to getting out of bed. He’s devised several signals, clear markers with everyone that show a day is gray, so he doesn’t have to say it, to speak it out loud, because even that is too hard, somedays, it’s easier to just leave a frowny face sticker on his door, and the first one to see it tells everyone else, who take turns spending time with him, coaxing him into activities, or at least out of bed, slowly driving the apathy away.

 Roman is still trying to find himself. To rebuild himself, from the crushing defeat and existential crisis of the wedding, and everything it resulted in. He still struggles to admit when he’s struggling, still finds it hard to portray anything other than the happy, peppy persona, but he doesn’t pull back, run, anymore, when someone calls him out. If someone asks how he’s feeling, how he’s doing, Roman won’t paste on a smile and chirp out an answer. He’ll let his mask fall, and answer honestly. It’s too hard, yet, to bring it up himself, so the others are learning to ask, making sure to ask, making sure to not simply brush Roman’s worries or frustrations aside. He’s happier, too, Cygnus knows, the time spent writing with Thomas has him happier than he’s been in years, and more and more days the answer to how he’s feeling is on the okay side of the scale.

 Virgil… has stayed much the same, outwardly. But he spends more time, now, with Remus and Janus, and… himself. They’ve talked, quite a lot, actually. He explained his history with the other two dark sides, why he acted how he had towards them, had explained too about his old, unhealthy, habits, how he still struggles, every once in a while, though he hasn’t given in and done it in years. He’d hugged Virgil then, it was maybe the bravest thing the anxious side had ever done, telling him that, telling him everything, apologizing for how he’d reacted, the first time he had appeared to all of them, as Ambition. He’d found it impossible, not to forgive him. Overall, he’d handled it the best out of any of them.

 And Thomas.

 He’s so proud of Thomas. He’s taken everything in stride. He’s making time for himself, making time to spend individually with every side.

 He’s writing with Roman, and also with Remus, working with him to express his horrifying ideas in darkly comedic ways, countering Roman’s fairy tale quests and happy endings.

 He’s watching movies with Virgil, or swapping music with him, listening to him spout off about his favorite bands, favorite lyrics. They’ve broken out the karaoke machine a couple times, singing at the top of their lungs, dancing like fools around the living room until they’re breathless from laughing. Virgil’s smile is becoming a more and more common sight.

 He’s crafting with Patton, the fatherly side teaching him how to knit and crochet, which Patton is an expert at, fawning over every one of Thomas’s haphazard attempts at a scarf or pot holder. While their hands are busy, they talk, about anything and everything. They’re even attempting to learn how to cook together, though that often ends with the smoke alarm going off. They’re not allowed to cook unsupervised anymore, usually Virgil or Janus keeping things from getting too out of hand from the living room couch.

 He’s playing video games with Janus, who loves to pick out the strange, indie games, the ones with ambiguous story lines, twist endings, choices that affect the game, affect the people in it. They discuss undertale for hours, Janus going on an hour long monolague of Flowey’s morality, his take on how much influence Asriel actually has on Flowy, when he’s soulless, surprised that Thomas pays attention the whole time, just as into the game as he is. They play A Way Out together, and Thomas actually throws the controller at the plot twist, shock on his face, as he’s forced to battle Janus, who is laughing the whole time at his indignant spluttering and shocked expression, Janus absolutely annihilating him.

 And himself. Thomas hadn’t been lying, when he said nothing changed, between the two of them, just because he is now Ambition. Thomas hasn’t shied away from him, hasn’t excluded him. He’s made time for him, as well. He’d bought a telescope, and set it up in the backyard. They go stargazing together, Cygnus pointing out the planets, when visible, the constellations, passing comets, relaying their history and myths, Thomas asking questions at every turn, until their conversation was somewhere else entirely, talking about anything and everything. They’d also started a bit of a book club, as Thomas called it, though it was really just the two of them. Each month they took turns giving the other a book to read, and then they’d discuss it. He usually sticks to the classics, the three muskateers, moby dick, the jungle book, and he was a bit surprised at how fast Thomas took to them, how much he enjoyed them, enjoyed discussing them. Thomas’s choices surprise him sometimes, too. It’s not always another adventure novel, sometimes it’s the original book of Wicked, or a nonfiction book about the history of cartoon animation, he varies more than Cygnus would have guessed, and he’s surprised at how… entertained, he is, by Thomas’s choices, the ones he would never have picked to read himself.

 But most importantly, most incredibly, were the others. Patton, Roman, Logan, Virgil. They had all, individually, apologized, for the way they had treated him, talked over him, ignored him, silenced him. And they were proving they meant it. Every day, they were proving they meant those apologies. They were listening to him. Listening to each other. Everyone has an equal voice, now, and everything feels… good.

 So why, does it having been a year, make him feel so… strange? It’s not sadness, not even nostalgia, really, it’s… something melancholy. Something a bit happy, something a bit sad, something a bit wistful.

 “Cygnus? Are you alright?” He blinks away his thoughts, realizing he’s been staring at his plate of pancakes for a solid five minutes without taking a bite. They look delicious, topped with sugared berries and warm syrup.

 “Just… lost in thought. These are from your garden, correct? Hopefully the non venomous section.” He answers, looking up at Remus, who’s shoveling pancakes topped with caramel and rainbow sprinkles into his mouth, who swallows hugely, nodding.

 “Yuppers! And I did pick the ones that won’t kill you, just for your b-day, cygie! At least, they should be mostly non toxic. Let me know if your tongue starts tingling.” Remus answers, and Cygnus chuckles, cutting into his pancakes.

 “I will take that into account.”

…

He doesn’t know what he’s doing, when he wanders up the stairs, towards the light side living room. He doesn’t even intend to go there, really, it’s just… where he’s drawn.

 “Ambition. We, uh, didn’t expect you, so early.” Roman says, peeking out of the living room, moving to lean against the doorframe, blocking his view of it before he could see anything.

 “Roman. You are acting… strange?”

 “Me? Wha? No, I’m being perfectly normal! Because you, Ambition, is here!” He sputters, saying the last sentence far too loud to be normal. He’s about to reply, when Patton’s head appears, shooing Roman out of the way.

 “You, go finish the… the project! Ok, Roman?” Roman nods, scurrying back into the living room, Patton taking his place blocking the doorway.

 “Is everything alright, Patton?” He asks, slightly amused, and only mildly concerned at a distant curse from Virgil.

 “Uh huh! Just finishing up something! What brings you here, Ambition? Not that it isn’t good to see you, and you’re of course welcome here all the time, but why on this particular day at this particular moment have you chosen to come visit?” Patton squeaks, his tone rising in pitch until it was nearly above human hearing.  

 “Are you alright, Patton?” He asks, trying to gauge what exactly has everyone so on edge.

 “Yup! Just waiting for the ok!”

 “The okay for what?”

 “We’re ready!” Roman calls, and Patton steps aside.

 “The ok for this.” Patton says softly, stepping aside and ushering him into the living room. For the second time this day, all the air escapes his lungs, and his hands cover his mouth to stifle whatever noise is trying to escape, he can’t tell if it’s a sob or a laugh or something in between.

 The room is decorated with glow in the dark stars, blue and white flowers climb the walls on deep green vines, blooming from the cracks in the plaster, filling the room with the sweet smell of summer. On the table sits a cake, carefully air blown a blue ombre, constellations carefully traced across it in silver gilding, it must have taken hours. He can feel the tears slipping down his face, knows everyone is trying to figure out what to do.

 “Ambition. Can I hug you?” Virgil asks, stepping into his field of view, and he nods, letting Virgil wrap his arms around him, surprising even himself as he hugs back, face buried in his shoulder. He feels Roman’s arms wrap around him from behind, Patton’s joining a moment later, surrounding him in warmth.  

 “you remembered. I… you’ve never…”

 “We know. I know, Amby. And we’re so sorry.” Roman murmurs, pulling back.

 “I know this doesn’t make up for that, for all those years… but we thought maybe, maybe this could be part of starting over. Of being better.” Patton adds, smiling through his own teary eyes as he pats Ambition’s shoulder, before pulling away as well, Ambition finally emerging from Virgil’s embrace, swiping at his eyes.

 “Yes. I would… like that.” He mumbles, still a bit awestruck.

 “Oh, let’s get Janus and Remus, for presents!” He frowns slightly at that, stepping back.

 “Did they put you up to this?” He asks, voice trembling, and he hears Janus’s soft laugh from the doorway.

 “No, sweetling. This was all them. We didn’t tell them a thing.” Janus murmurs, appearing with a swish of his cape, Remus thundering up the stairs behind him.

 “Nice digs! Not nearly as sweet as our decorations of course, but you tried!” Roman splutters indignantly at that, squaring off against his twin.

 “Please! I bet I could plan a party better than you, any day!”

 “Maybe if it was for babies. Can you even make a cocktail?”

 “Of course! I know how to mix drinks, Remus.” Remus grinned, eyes swirling.

 “I was thinking more of an entrée.”  He replies with a smirk and shoulder shimmy.

 “Remus.” Janus says, exasperated, glancing at Patton.

 “It’s alright. He’s just excited! I’m sure you’d throw very interesting parties, Remus. If… if you promise not to make it too scary, maybe you and Virgil could team up for a Halloween one.” Patton suggests, laughing as Remus squeals, launching himself into Virgil's arms, who catches him instinctually in a Scooby-Doo like hold, before dropping him like a hot potato.

 “What the heck, dude!?”

 “Can we? It’ll be like old times, you and me, creating horrors and monsters and creeping lurking things? Pleaaaaase?” Virgil snorts as Remus bats his eyelids at him, rolling his eyes.

 “Yeah, sure, whatever.” He mutters in agreement, trying to contain his own grin as Remus whoops, spinning him around in a circle, already babbling about ideas. It’s good, to see them laughing together.

 “I believe someone said something about presents?” Janus drawls, resting a hand on Cygnus’s back, gently leading him to sit down on the couch. Instantly, everyone else crowds around, clamoring over who gets to go first, and he’s crying again, because not only are they giving him attention, they’re fighting for his attention, and he supposes he should feel guilty about liking it, but Janus has rubbed off on him, a bit, so he just smiles, instead.

 Before anyone else can, Roman shoves a box into his hands, grinning at having gotten in ‘the first gift’, everyone settling as he stares at the shimmery blue wrapping paper. Tentatively, he peels back the paper, removing the cardboard top of the small box, eyes widening.

 It’s a large, blue star sapphire, embedded in a silver filigree, hanging from a silver chain. He lifts it, slightly awestruck, turning it over as his thumb feels grooves against the back, tilting his head to decipher the writing, discovering it’s his name, Ambition, in circular galifreyan.

 “Did I get the spelling right? I looked up several guides, but there’s a lot of rules and such.” Roman asks, no doubt nervous at his silence.

 “It’s… it’s perfect, Roman. Thank you.” He says softly, slipping the chain over his head, the pendant resting just above his heart. He looks up in time to see Roman’s blush, his expression so tenderly soft, looking at him, that he clears his throat and looks away.

 “Me next! Ours are a set!” Remus interrupts, shoving another box into his hands, slightly larger than the previous one, though much the same weight. “Ro had the idea, and we coordinated our results!” He chirps, as Cygnus pulls open the box, a soft grin already on his face.

 It’s a silver circlet, with a teardrop blue diamond that will sit in the center of his forehead, and engraved along the inside of the circlet is more galifreyan, this time that reads ‘cygnus’. The band is thin and light, but sturdy, and he knows the engraving must have taken a long time, to do by hand, requiring a lot of patience and focus.

 “It’s wonderful.” He murmurs, slipping it onto his head, finding the weight odd, but rather comforting. His past self would have scoffed, at these items, said he didn’t desire to play pretend, to play dress up, and what was the point of them? But he knows better, now, has more confidence in himself and expressing himself, now, and he knows he’ll rarely be seen without them on, he loves them already.

 “Wow, ok, well, way to make a side feel wholly inadequate. Um, here, I guess.” Virgil mumbles nervously, depositing a tissue paper wrapped item in his lap. “It’s not much, compared to, that, but-“ Virgil cuts himself off with a shrug, toeing the floor nervously as he unwraps the paper.

 It’s a photo. He’s in the kitchen, head thrown back, laughing. Remus is a blur of green movement in the background, chasing a blur of red, a pot is boiling over on the stove, Patton frantically stirring it, trying to scold the twins from over his shoulder, and somehow Janus is hissing from atop the fridge, clearly having climbed up there to escape the shenanigans below. He smiles, running his thumb over the frame, touched that Virgil had thought to capture that moment, one of the first moments of happiness since everything had happened, one of the first times they’d all been together, and all let themselves go.

 “I love it, Virg. I… thank you.” He murmurs, low and sincere, and a small smile creeps across Virgil’s face as he nods, tension leaking out of his shoulders.

 Janus is next, his simple, a book Cygnus has been meaning to read for ages, but he knows it’s really an invitation for a debate, or perhaps to set up a lecture in the mindscape theater, an open invitation for a day spent ranting and raving and arguing and debating, until they’re both too tired to continue, losing their thoughts mid sentence, trying to string together coherent points at three am. He sets it aside with a small nod and smile, all Janus needs, to know he’s understood, and appreciates it.

 Patton is last, but not least, not in the slightest, as he sits down on the couch beside him, nervously running his hand up and down the couch.

 “Mine’s a bit… a bit of a group project, I suppose.” He says, handing the package to Cygnus. It’s bigger than the others, with a bit more weight to it, as well, a card taped atop the paper wrapped package. The front has a rough drawing, of all of them together, holding hands. Inside it says ‘Ambition. You’ll always be a part of my heart. Happy birthday, kiddo. Love you.’ With doodles of butterflies and stars and planets.

 He's already smiling warmly at that, as he carefully sets it aside, opening the package to find a large book. On the cover is space for a photo to be inserted, and he recognizes it immediately, it’s a selfie Thomas took with all of them. The cover is patterned in silver constellations, the background a deep blue, and curiously, he flips it open, finding the cover is signed by Patton, Virgil, and Roman, who have all written short notes to him, expressing their support, their love, their pride, in who he is becoming, in his own self. His hand is shaky as he turns the page, finding it decorated with stickers and intricate doodles outlining the edges of the pages, the edges of the photographs, each of the three of them recounting what was going on in each picture, leaving their own commentary, witty and sarcastic and heartfelt, on each photo of him smiling, them as a group, him stargazing with Thomas, Him and Janus in the debate room, eyes flashing as they argue, him on stage, wearing safety goggles, Remus helping him with an experiment, him and Patton, decorating cookies, Roman dragging him through the imagination, to search for dragons, a thousand memories and moments and smiles, genuine smiles, all put in one place, all outlined with drawings, all filled in with their words and laughter and remembrances, and he’s shaking, again, a hand over his mouth as he puts the book aside, not wanting tears to stain the pictures, to smear the ink, he wants it to stay perfect and pristine forever, he hadn’t realized they were taking pictures, hadn’t realized they’d cared to memorialize his happiness, hadn’t realized that those moments meant just as much to them as they did to him. Hadn’t realized how much they meant it, when they said they truly, deeply, cared.

 “Oh, kiddo. Can I?” Patton asks, arms open, and he nods, letting Patton sweep him up into a hug, letting himself squeeze back, breath hitching. “I love you so much, Ambition, and I’m so… I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of all you’ve done, and how far you’ve come, and much you pushed all of us to be better, you’re so good, Amby, you’ve always been the best of us. And I’m just… I’m so glad, to see you so happy, kiddo. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, for any of you, is to be happy. You’re a part of this family, kiddo, and we love you, we all love you, so, so much.” Patton murmurs, as he feels others joining the hug, surrounding him in warmth and arms and soft assurances from all sides, overwhelming him, with their support, their love, their affection. It’s everything, this is everything he’d ever hoped for, been too afraid to ask for, been denied, as Logan.

 But this… they’d done this. All by themselves, they’d done this, they’d remembered, they’d gone out of their way, to do this for him, they’ve been doing it for the entire year, every day, and he realizes, suddenly, that he’s started trusting them again. That he wants this to truly be a new start, this, today, here, is the last bit of proof that he needed, to show him they mean it, they mean their words and promises about doing better, they mean their I love you’s and affection, they put weight behind their words, and followed through, and he thinks maybe it’s time he does the same.

 So despite himself, he pulls away from the hug, smiling at the mild cursing that comes with the twins trying to disentangle themselves from around him, taking a moment to wipe away the tears from his eyes, to take a deep breath, to compose himself. His heart is pounding, irrational fear biting at his heels, and he thinks Janus understands, the leap of faith he is about to take, can sense what he is about to do, and he slips his hand into his to steady him.  

 “I… have something, I would like to say.” He says, softly, voice a bit tremulous, but the others all give him encouraging nods, and once again, he’s shocked at the difference between now and then, everyone staying silent, giving him space to speak, willing to listen. “I know this hasn’t been easy. I know… I know it hurt, in a lot of different ways, everything… everything that’s happened. But instead of pulling further away, this pulled all of us closer together, and I’m… I’m proud, of everyone, for it. You’ve all grown, so much, and I just… just thank you. Thank you for meaning it, when you said you would work harder, listen more, be better. Thank you for doing it, for showing it, for giving me, for giving each other, the room to grow. The support that was necessary, for that growth to happen.” He pauses, taking in a deep breath, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

 He realizes suddenly he’d never gotten a proper name reveal before. Before, when they all chose names, he just picked the easiest one to remember, he hadn’t seen a point, to personalizing it. And Patton had called him Logan in front of Thomas, thus accidentally stealing that moment from him, that choice, to share it or not. He’s never had to worry, about a reaction, about the weight of it, about the consequences. Then Janus squeezes his hand, and he exhales, looking up at each of them for a long moment, seeing the question, the hesitation, the dawning understanding where this is going, in Virgil’s eyes.

 “So I think… I think it’s time we start over, properly. No more hiding. No more secrets. No more… titles. My name… my name is Cygnus Ambition Sanders.” He’s barely finished the sentence, when Patton is barreling into him once again, wrapping him in a tight hug, tears falling though he’s grinning hugely as he pulls away, eyes shining behind his glasses.

 “Thank you. Cygnus, thank you.” Patton says softly, practically bouncing in excitement, the air radiating with his joy and delight and heart stopping love.

 “It suits you, teach.” Virgil says simply, though he wears one of his rare, open, lopsided grins, eyes warm and soft as he looks at him, somehow warming his heart more, because he knows Virgil understands, what it means, how much it means, that he’s shared his name. Virgil has been there, in much the same position he himself is now in, and he relaxes slightly at his approval.

 “Cygnus.” Roman murmurs, seemingly a bit dazed by the revelation, though the name sounds like music on his lips, making Cygnus’s ears burn red, as Roman sweeps him up, spinning and dipping him, a mirror of Remus this morning, god was it only this morning? And he remembers once more just how similar the twins are, though they’re both loathe to admit it. He laughs as Roman sets him upright once more, pressing close in a moment long hug, steady and firm and grounding. “thank you, Cygnus. You’re so brave, and we’re so, so lucky, to have you with us.” He murmurs, before stepping away. “See Remus! That’s how you do a dip!” He yells at his brother, who’s grinning ear to ear, laughing.

 “But it’s so much more fun to drop them!” Still, Remus sweeps him into a hug as well before skipping off, trying to steal frosting off the cake, if Virgil’s indignant screech and subsequent pounding of footsteps chasing is anything to go by.

 Janus pulls him close, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head before leaning forwards until their foreheads touch, resting against each other, his hand stroking back a stray piece of hair, lingering against his cheek in a pleasant warmth.

 “Proud of you, lovely. You’ve done so well, Cygnus, you really have.” He smiles, not pulling away.

 “You know this doesn’t change anything, correct? I’m not moving back. I’m not leaving you and Remus. I will never.” He murmurs back, a promise, ringing with truth, and he feels some of the tension washing out of Janus.

 “Of course. Now, let’s cut into that cake before Remus decides to shove the entire thing into his gaping maw.” He laughs, stepping back, letting Janus lead them back into the fray the party has become, smiling at the single candle atop the cake, Patton struggling with the lighter, before Virgil gently pries it away, lighting the candle in one go, despite muttering about it being a fire hazard and the whole house going up in flames, Janus wrangling the twins out of their chase to sing happy birthday, both of them trying to outdo each other with riffs, though they finally do actually finish the song together, harmonizing the last few lines.

 Staring at the lit candle, at the joyful, expectant faces around him, Cygnus realizes he only has one single wish, as he blows out the candle.

 That every day, could be this perfect.

[tsukidotcom]

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

[stinky-and-the-pain]

& then there was one

my parents finished renovating our house my freshman year of high school. i was 14 and finally had my own room...a place i didn’t have to share with my 11 year old brother or my 3 year old sister. i painted it green & a couple of months later painted a tree on one wall and filled the branches with lord of the rings quotes. it was my sanctuary. 

my grandma gifted me my first laptop around the same time. she won it in a company sweepstakes and gave it to me because she had one already. it was the coolest thing. we had a family computer in the office (nee playroom) that i had played both sims 2 and 3 on. but now i could take the sims to my room! 

amongst other things. 

i played skyrim religiously after my brother got bored of the xbox, as he was also gifted a playstation 4 along with GTA V. i also adored several creators on youtube, at that time a bastion of comedic skits and random tangential clips lasting no more than 6 minutes or so. i felt deeply invested in the community -- not so much with fellow audience members but with the youtubers themselves; as if these videos were a two-way conversation. shane dawson led to desandnate led to smosh led to kalel cullen led tobuscus led to pewdiepie led to cryaotic, etc., etc. they were great! 

forget the boy bands of the 90s and early 2000s....which youtuber did you want to date? SMASH + fuck, marry, kill in the back of the chilly and damp bus driving home from a scholastic bowl meet. my heart ached for these people. they appealed so deeply to me and i fell madly in love with them all. and i wasn’t alone; we all fell in love. 

i’m not sure how i found out about omegle. at a slumber party or birthday, someone pulled out their laptop & we could see and chat with strangers. live. no supervision. we were...14? 15? had to be 14 because i succinctly remember laughing a while later when i told a grown man i wasn’t 18 but actually 14 after he had finished for me. all while sitting in my new green bedroom. 

for the longest damn time i thought i had an extremely average adolescence. i was lauded as independent and mature, and took pride in that. maturity meant i was better but also inherently prepared for what life was throwing at me. plus independence meant that i could effectively do whatever i pleased. and to that extent, i never attended a party (though i did sneak over to a boy’s house when i said i was going to a friends’ but that was later figured out and actually excused) but i pursued other exploits. 

another piece of the puzzle is that youtube around 2010 appealed to people exactly my age. and was simultaneously extremely sexual. the mass cancellation of shane dawson is ultimately rooted in his behavior around this time. and this behavior was broadcast to us, 12-14 years old, which signaled to us what could be deemed appropriate. queue me believing that men around the ages of 19-25 could find me, a barely there 14 year old, attractive. and boy did i run with that. 

i spent immeasurable time on omegle. it was thrilling, especially when men’s faces would light up as my video appeared. “finally, a real person and not just a dick!” i remember one, zach herzog (sp?). he was so kind, introducing me to imgur which rounded out my early internet diet. he had a girlfriend but at one point admitted to me that she was not as pretty as i was. we would message on kik for hours. he graduated college a year after we met (my junior year of high school). jake was around that time too. but honestly jake was special in that we met through omegle chat (no video). and we actually chatted for about 3 years, at one time making sure to watch the weekly game of thrones episode (freshly downloaded off pirate bay) together and discussing what went down afterwards. after we skyped with video on, we slowly stopped communicating. 

another, stephen i believe. he was from the UK and i only remember that because of his accent and that i had him say my (fake) name multiple times. i never once used my real name nor talked aloud to these men. always text. but does that matter? over skype, he would send videos of himself jacking off...which would have been pleasant save for the fact he liked smacking his penis near the end and i couldn’t take that seriously. 

the first man i reciprocated for -- that is, i obliged requests to show parts of my body -- was sam. i don’t remember anything too striking about him save he did his business to me while we were still on omegle (only strange because the fashion then was to move to somewhere more ‘private’ and stable like kik or skype) and then promptly ghosted me. somewhere in my hs junior year planner, there are notes to sam asking him if he would ever come back. 

then senior year. so stressed with college applications (i applied to one school) i spent most of my time in my bedroom alone, indulging in a healthy diet of top gear and youtube, by this point dominated by cryaotic and pewdiepie. but i always had time for my dear favorite, capndesdes (of desandnate fame who later made his own solo channel where he published several q&a’s and apartment vlogs). october 2013 and i was wearing his blue ‘crescent moon face’ shirt (referencing the photo booth video). i met Anthony, Mike, and David on omegle. i immediately picked out Anthony and sure enough he was interested. him being in a group, i knew we wouldn’t be doing anything that night but the video chat was fun. the connection even died at one point but we got back in contact as i had shared my twitter (and my real name, though for months he believed my fake name was my middle name because i felt bad telling the truth). i guess i should’ve known this time was different when he insisted on skying the next morning before i went to work. i felt embarrassed for how i looked but he said i looked beautiful. and was so earnest i had to believe him. 

we skyped everyday. every day. essentially right as i got home from school because that’s conveniently when he got off work. oh and i eventually had to admit that my microphone was not in fact broken. we played minecraft and gta on the xbox. he said he planned to visit me one day. but that’s absurd, right? i would laugh and say ‘you’re too much.’

he visited november 9 2013. drove all the way up. i was at my friend’s birthday party. we had just woken up and he revealed he was in our town. i gave him directions to the park so we could meet. i remember running to him from my car, friends sitting in the back seat. we walked about two miles around the park, chatting. he was even more beautiful in person. the sight of the freckles on his nose are still so vivid. even after all these years remembering, my naiveté still strikes me. a day later, he asked me to be my girlfriend as we walked to his car after dinner. i said yes, that i would do him the honor of making him the happiest man on earth. a day later, he took (but i also gave) away my virginity. he met my friends and then we said goodbye on a rainy and cold afternoon. i still sometimes smell the sweet mustiness of that room. 

a handful of memories that are still striking after 7 years:

washing the strawberry lube off myself in my parent’s bathroom, praying they did not ask why i had spent the last 5 afternoons and evenings staying so late at a friend’s house; forcing myself to connect to Lorde’s music after he said he enjoyed her first album; saying that thin mints were my favorite after he admitted to buying too many; taking my adventure time backpack to the hotel room and filling out my cheatsheet for my physics test the next day while he watched and eventually rolled me over to kiss me; feeling too insecure to lead him around town so instead opted to stay silent as he chose what to have for dinner; eating at my favorite local mexican restaurant after losing my virginity; showing my friends the pictures we had taken in the hotel room and them losing their minds. 

after he left, i was devastated. and essentially remained devastated for the next 7 months. i cried the morning after he left, while driving to work and listening to ribs. 

there’ll be more, when i have strength. 

[saintheartwing]

Undertales of Friendship: Mettaton Makes A Date

"You're absolutely sure he'd do this kind of thing? I mean..."

"Father, I'm ABSOLUTELY sure."

Mettaton was more than JUST a television star, more than JUST a delightful and charming daytime radio host. No, when he wasn't doing that, he had his own boutique, just like he had his own shop in Ponyville, and on special occasions the big man himself would come into Canterlot to give certain lovely beauties the attention they deserved. The walls were a yellow shade, with regal, splendid ivory tiles beneath and a crystal chandelier hanging above, and a fountain with Mettaton's own body spraying out water in the center of it all, ponies talking to each other as they were waited on by his employees. One of whom, the secretary, walked towards them.

"You're here for your 10:00?" The blue-haired, black-furred stallion asked. His hooves were wrapped in what appeared to be linen bandages, as if he'd endured extensive burns or wounds on them, and he had a lovely-looking necklace with a Chariot wheel upon the silver crest he wore, his dark blue eyes gazing the two over as he politely bowed.

"Why yes, Shinedown. How nice of you to get dressed up in a CAPE." Rarity admitted, clasping her hooves together and smiling warmly at the Changeling-blooded Earth pony. Shinedown was a quarter Changeling, one of his parents a half-breed, and it gave him a deep black, slick sheen to his fur.

"Oh, Mettaton makes all his secretaries wear capes." Shinedown T. Mare remarked. "Not that I mind, actually. Black and red looks good on me." He added as he swept it back. "He insists it will improve morale and make us all look resplendent. Is it working?"

"I'd say so." Rarity said with a smile. "And is that cologne I smell on you?"

"Oh, well..." Shinedown nodded again and slightly blushed. "Also another little touch. The small things all add up." The half-blood intoned before he made his way into a doorway with a glass window at the front in the shape of Mettaton's face. And a few minutes later...

"Ta daaaaaaa!"

Mettaton strode out to greet them, Rarity's father nervously taking off his straw hat as the moustachioed stallion nodded politely at the star of the Underground. And Mettaton was quite...the sight. Distinctly human with flowing black hair carefully stroked in just the right way so as to sexily cover one side of his face, a slender yet mighty body showing off sleek mechanical muscles on a black and purple and pink-armored form. A line ran down one side of his face from his eye, representing a "segment" of his head which, in a pinch, could pop off so Mettaton could pull out some lipstick and facial cream, and of course, the dazzling hot pink pupils...

Yes, Mettaton was indeed a sight to behold.

"Dear Rarity, how good to see you!" He proclaimed, sweeping forward, shaking her hoof. "I've gotten the scented bath and candles all ready for you."

"Then the massage?"

"Without a doubt. My magic fingers can make anyone swoon." Mettaton said, flexing his fingers in the air, as he stuck his tongue out slightly. "And ohhhhh myyyyy. What have we here?" He asked, looking Rarity's father over as the Earth pony visibly blushed, Mettaton shaking his hoof as well. "You must be the stallion who played Magnum, the Pony Investigator. I've seen all of your episodes, good sir, after your daughter sent them to me. A musical murder mystery show...QUITE enthralling if I do say so myself! And you have quite the pipes on you!"

"Ahh, yes. I do. And I was quite the looker in my day." Hondo remarked sheepishly, giving Mettaton a nod.

"You still ARE. And you, good sir, will FEEL like one once more when I'm done with you." Mettaton promised, Rarity giving her father a big hug, purple mane bouncing a bit before she headed into a nearby golden-rimmed doorway, waving goodbye as Shinedown led her to the bath chambers. Mettaton led Hondo into another nearby doorway, where a large barber's chair laid, complete with resplendant royal red cushions, and shelves stuffed with the most delightul scents, shaving creams and other tools of a stylish's trade. "Now please, tell me the occasion! You wouldn't have asked to come with your daughter unless it was something VERY special. I doubt a mere trim is what you want."

"Well..." Hondo sighed wistfully, Mettaton's suave voice beginning to charm him over as he glanced to the side before thinking of his wife and smiling wistfully. Ahhh...his widdle Cookie. "It's my wife and I's anniversary tomorrow. And I wanna look my best for her." He said, as his wife's image flashed before his eyes, and he found himself beginning to softly sing as he put a hoof upon his chest.

"You see sir a man infatuated with love, her ardent and eager slave!

So fetch me the pomade and pumice stone, and lend me a more seductive tone,

a sprinkling, perhaps, of nice cologne, but first sir, I think..."

He rubbed over his chin, and gave a smile.

"A shaaaaaave."

"The closest I ever gaaaave." Mettaton agreed, helping Hondo into the chair as he began to cheerily whistle.

"You're in quite the merry mood, Mettaton." Hondo admitted as Mettaton put some shaving cream upon the stallion's face in just the right places after draping a cover over the pony to keep anything from dripping down.

"Tis your delight sir, catching fire from one man to the next!"

"How good that love can still inspire a man to sing like heavenly choirs, what more than Love could man require?"

"More than love, sir?"

"What's that?"

"Women!"

"Ah, yes, women..."

"Pretty women..." Mettaton sighed wistfully, clapping his hands, one of them shifting into his arm before becoming a swiss-army-knife of contraptions that shifted from a can opener to a frying pan to, at last...a shaving razor as he carefully began to trim the little hairs that were threatening to become a beard on Hondo, soon moving on to a careful trim of the moustache before it was time to take care of the mane.

"Pretty women...fascinating...sipping coffee...laaaaughing! Pretty women...are a wonder...pretty women!"

"Sitting in the window or standing on the staaaair! Something in them...chiiiiills the aaaaaaair!"

"Have you ever met a special someone?" Hondo inquired.

At this, just as he was snipping at the pony's mane, Mettaton flinched a bit, the scissor-hand he now trembling slightly as a realization sadly sank in. No. No, he hadn't, except for maybe...

"There was something of a time when I thought maybe..." Mettaton began to quietly murmur. "...but that was a long time ago. She has a girlfriend now."

"Ahh. Guys don't do no more for her, huh?" Hondo admitted with a sigh. "Who is it?"

"Undyne."

"Oh. OH!" Hondo's eyes widened in surprise at this as Mettaton got back to clipping his hair. "Her? Wow. Isn't she currently head of Asgore's Royal Guard? She must have hundreds of men who'd want to go out with her."

"Oh, they would, and when they heard the news she was taken, it was indeed devastating, I can tell you." Mettaton remarked with a wry smile, thinking back to when they'd exited the Underground and Alphys and Undyne's first public date, the two sitting happily across from each other in the sunlight on a park bench...

Undyne suddenly noticing very, VERY dejected-looking monsters mournfully gazing at her from across the way.

"Wait, you and...her?" Aaron the Mer-Horse asked, the muscular-armed man stunned by what he was seeing grasping his head in surprise, mouth agape. "But she's got no muscles!"

"Wow, this IS a shock." A stunned bunny monster remarked as he scratched his head, blinking in surprise as Lesser Dog, one of the Royal Guardsman, mournfully groaned, other monsters sighing sadly in regret as they hung their heads, dejected.

"Noooo." Lesser Dog murmured.

"Sorry, guys. I'm taken." Undyne said with a smirk.

"Well this sucks!" Aaron groaned, he and the others all nodding in agreement, their frustrations clear as day.

"Well I never thought it'd end like this...just because I got no tits!"

"I'll shave my legs!" Bunny Boy begged, lifting up a pant leg.

"I'll wear a bra!" Aaron offered.

"I'd even cut my penis off for you!" Lesser Dog proclaimed.

"Ohhh, that's so sweeeeet." Undyne admitted as she gave them a nod before shaking her head. "But no, guys. Sorry."

Alphys, of course, could not stop smiling.

"I know how she felt. I've had the "Great and Powerful Trixie" coming on to me for quite some time, ever since I came to your world." Mettaton sighed as he shook his head back and forth. "She's talented indeed but...SOOOO full of herself. I wish someone would knock her off her high horse."

He grinned. "Pun intended."

"She's been that bad, huh?"

"Standing outside my window, playing guitar, launching fireworks..." Mettaton went on as he kept a snip-snip-snipping Hondo's hair. "it was impressive until one WENT RIGHT THROUGH MY WINDOW. And there went the bedsheets. And NOT in the way I wanted!"

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Mettaton, Rarity knew someone WAS interested in him in that special way. And so as Shinedown lit up some more candles for her in the deep blue bath room, bubbles bouncing about the surface of the water, she cleared her throat.

"How long have you been trying to get his attention?"

Shinedown slightly stiffened. "Um...whatever do you mean?"

"I've BEEN to his store in Ponyville. He has a secretary there too. And they don't wear a cape. Nor do they wear cologne that just so HAPPENS to be Mettaton's favorite brand that he's always wearing for special occasions when he goes to say hi to us in Ponyville." Rarity remarked. "And if that wasn't enough, I could tell from how you talked about him...you're smitten."

"Yeah, well...it wouldn't be the first time the mecretary got the guy. Oh. Wait. It would." Shinedown sighed mournfully as he shook his head back and forth, Rarity easing herself into the bath as she frowned a little.

"You're too hard on yourself, darling. Being a male secretary isn't anything to be ashamed of. We all have to pay the bills. Just because you're one it doesn't mean Mettaton would never like you!"

"My sister Trixie said it was a stupid idea to go for Mettaton. That someone like me wouldn't be able to get him to notice me. That I should play it safe. Besides, not a lot of ponies like..." He cringed. "INKBLOODS like me." He grumbled. "I was amazed Mettaton HIRED me. Nowhere else in Canterlot would take me, I've been bounced out of job after job."

"Trixie T. Lulamooon just doesn't know what she's talking about. As usual." Rarity sighed. "Now I want you to go to him and tell him how you FEEL. Just be HONEST."

"I'll try." Shinedown said, heading out the doorway, his heart aflutter, ready to march into that door, look Mettaton in the eye and-

Uhoh.

"Well, well! Hey there, brother." Trixie said with a little mischievous grin, sitting on the fountain's edge. "I'm here for my 10:15 appointment."

"...you used a fake name just to show up and surprise me at my workplace?" Shinedown quietly asked as Trixie sniffed the air.

"And you're using HIS cologne? You really think you can get him to like you?" Trixie inquired, waving a faint blue hoof in the air before flipping her light blue hair about, Shinedown sighing as he escorted his sister to a nearby chair for her massage. "He's a show biz personality. He would want someone with pizzazz, razzle dazzle. You're just not out there enough. You don't have the theatricality I do. You're not...FAMOUS enough for him to be attracted to you."

"I could get him to go on a date with me before YOU!" Shinedown insisted, now feeling an edge of anger creeping into his voice.

"Oh? Care to bet on it?" Trixie asked, extending a hoof. "You win, you get to have my new, fancy, improved wagon. But if I win, I get to use you in my next stage act for ANY MAGIC TRICK I WANT."

A pause, but then Shinedown took the hoof and shook.

"It's a BET." He insisted, heading off for Mettaton's personal styling room, Hondo walking past him as Mettaton followed after, taking notice of Shinedown.

"Oh! You're looking nice today." Mettaton admitted politely. "And you're smelling nice too."

"Thanks, I actually kinda wanted to talk to you about some-"

"In a minute, deary, I've got customers to cater to. Ta ta for now!" Mettaton said, leaving him behind as Shinedown sighed, Trixie's sniggering echoing not too far away as an Earth pony massaged her calf muscles. How was this going to work?

...

...

...

..."I'll! Be! There! For! You!"

"I wish you'd do the OPPOSITE." Mettaton muttered as he slammed the door to his boutique shut, ignoring Trixie's guitar playing as he clasped his hands over his heads and flopped into a chair, sighing. "WHY does she not go away? It's like she's obsessed with me. I mean..." He put a hand on his chest. "Who WOULDN'T be obsessed with me? But still..."

Shinedown saw his chance. He was the only employee left in the building. Approaching Mettaton, he nervously cleared his throat. "Um...Mettaton?"

Mettaton turned his head. "Yes?"

"Just be honest. Just be honest."

"Uh...you know, I really appreciate you giving me a job here and...you've always been incredibly CONSIDERATE and...what I'm trying to say is..." Shinedown began to say before he flinched, hearing Trixie had gotten out the SPARKLERS and the roman candles outside.

"Awaken, sweet pea, to the morn! And to my love! So crisp! So warm!" She proclaimed.

"Look." Shinedown said, sighing. "I made a bet with my sister Trixie that I'd go out with you first, before she did. And if I win I'm gonna blow up her wagon right in front of her and make her watch."

Mettaton was quiet for a moment. Then...

"Darling!" Trixie proclaimed, sliding through the doors of the boutique, hooves holding up sparklers as magic letters spelled out "Go Out With Me" over her head as she beamed...

Only to see Mettaton had scooped Shinedown up in his arms and the two were grinning stupidly at her. "Oh. Trixie. Your brother and I were just about to get a nice brunch together."

And POOF. The sparklers shut off, Trixie's mouth gaping as the letters above her faded to grey and fizzled out, Mettaton and Shinedown making their way past her. Well. This had been easy!

Or at least, so Shinedown thought.

...

...

...

..."Heh-heh-heh. Whaddya think?" Shinedown asked Rarity as he showed off HIS new wagon, gesturing at it with a hoof, Rarity sighing as she bit into her lip. "I'm going to paint it dark blue to match my eyes."

"You didn't tell him the truth, did you?" Rarity quietly said. It was not a question. It was an accusation, and Shinedown flinched as she looked into his eyes.

"It all worked out in the end, so what's the problem?" The Earth Pony asked the Unicorn as he shrugged a little, walking across the parking lot just outside of Mettaton's boutique to pat the wagon on its side.

"The problem is you weren't honest. I understand telling a little white lie to not break someone's heart. Sometimes people need to do that, despite what Applejack might think. Things like..." Rarity waved a hoof in the air. "Oh, I'm SUUURE she'll grow into that jacket! Oh, THANK you for the sweater, Aunt Gertrude, it's JUST what I wanted, you shouldn't have. You REALLY shouldn't have." She muttered, trailing off and glowering slightly.

"I get it, I get it. But it's fine. I'm okay with this." Shinedown muttered, waving a dismissive hoof in the air. "I'll find another time to tell Mettaton how I feel."

"Oh, well he's coming this way now to open up the boutique." Rarity remarked, turning her head as Mettaton strode along the sidewalk, humming and singing a little to himself as he had some headphones on, eyes closed as the sun reflecting nicely off his abs. Ohhh. Those abs.

"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man! No time to talk!"

"Ohcrapcrapcrap-uh...I...um..."

Shinedown then did something very stupid, quickly shoving the wagon behind the boutique, then racing to the front door to wait for Mettaton as Rarity stood in shocked silence. "So! Did Trixie give you the wagon?"

"Um...n-no, actually, she...she said she wanted proof. She wanted to see us go on an actual date. Tonight, at eight. That way she'd KNOW we're doing it." Shinedown said quickly, throwing up his arms in a shrug. "Ahh, family. Whatcha gonna do?"

"I know how you feel." Mettaton sighed. "My cousin, Napstablook, could get kind of like that. Only he's more passive-aggressive than aggressive-aggressive like your sister is."

"Wait, Napst-" Shinedown blinked slightly. "Then...is your name not really "Mettaton"?" He found himself asking. "Is it a "Blook"?"

"Well, yes. It's Hapstablook, but, uh...don't tell anyone." Mettaton admitted, putting a hand on his chest. "I kind of chose this new name when I got my new form you see before you." He intoned, feeling over his chest and grinning in delight. "I was reborn, as it were. A new me! My old name's deeply personal, not just for anyone to know."

"I understand. So, um...tonight at eight? The nice new "Canterlot Cusine" place they opened up?" Shinedown offered.

"Absolutely. But come, come, we've customers to prepare for!" Mettaton insisted, opening up the doors to the boutique, Rarity slowly shaking her head back and forth as Shinedown walked inside after Mettaton, sighing in disappointment.

And so, sure enough, at the end of the day the two were sitting at a table with light blue blankets over it, romantic candles lit as Mettaton talked a mile a minute about his family and growing up as a ghost, Shinedown listening all the while as he munched on a breadstick, head bobbing in agreement.

"You would not believe how...how intensely amazing it felt, having a new body. Then again, you're part Changeling." Mettaton admitted with a nod of his head. "So perhaps you might."

"It isn't easy, being a...y'know." Shinedown sighed. "An "inkblood"." He mumbled. "A lot of ponies still don't like Changelings because of what Queen Chrysalis did not too long ago. Not even having a truce with her kinda eases up on that distrust."

"Can you yourself change color? Appearance?" Mettaton asked as Shinedown cleared his throat.

"Well, I can melt into the shadows if I concentrate. But what I'm most good at...is voices, darling." He said, giving Mettaton a grin and pulling off a perfect imitation of the humanoid robot as Mettaton gasped in surprise.

"Oh my! That's simply amazing! Why did you not tell me that you could imitate voices so perfectly?"

A slight shrug. "You never asked." The Earth pony admitted. "I mean, it's not as useful as full changing of your body, it's mostly just a party trick."

"Well, I think it's very impressive. Can you really do anyone?"

"If I've heard their voice before." Shinedown said, clearing his throat. "Like, for example, Princess Luna, who's voice is MOST regal and impressive when she so desireth!" He proclaimed, waving a hoof in the air before resting his head on his hooves and blinking his eyes, switching his voice again. "Or me, Rarity! The belle of the ball. I bring aaaall the boys to my yard with my charm and wit." Then he flexed his arms, huffing a bit. "Or ME! Iron Bull! With a body so hot, you could EAT OFF IT! HOO!"

"I could think of a few things you and I could do with a voice like that." Mettaton chuckled a bit, a waiter coming by to pour them another glass of wine. And as the night went on, their laughter echoed out through the night as they made their way down the sidewalk...

Running into Trixie, who frowned at the two.

"Oh. Look who it is." She muttered. "I was in such a good mood, JUST came back from a nice play to get my mind off things, and here you two are. Enjoying my wagon with your honey bunch?" She asked Shinedown, waving a hoof in the air as Shinedown flinched, Mettaton frowning a bit at him.

"Wait, didn't you say you wanted to see us on a real date before you gave him your wagon?"

"OH! MY! GOODNESS. You TRICKED him onto a date with you!?" Trixie laughed, hooves flying to her mouth, giggling madly as Shinedown hung his head, Trixie wiping a tear from her eye as she smirked. "That is just too good, I can't...oh, I wish I could have SEX with this moment, it's so beautiful! And I'll be taking my wagon key back. And you will be showing up in my magic act tomorrow. You better hope your cape is waterproof. Not cuz there's a chance of rain. I'm bringing a giant hose and launching you out of it over a tank of sharks."

Shinedown reached into his belt pouch, tossing the wagon key to Trixie as she caught it with a snigger and trotted off down the sidewalk, grinning in delight as Mettaton held his face in one hand, sighing as his voice got low.

"You have really...really disappointed me." He muttered, taking off across the street before Shinedown's voice called out, halting him in place on the dimly-lit marble-paved road.

"You're the only employer that didn't treat me like a THING."

Mettaton stopped, slowly turning around, blinking in surprise. "What?"

"Every other employer got me fired every time something bad went wrong just because I was a changeling. And most of the other employees hated me or distrusted me because of what I was. I would always be blamed because everyone EXPECTS changelings to be lying, manipulating emotion suckers. So I'd go from job to job, bottling everything up, just being miserable." Shinedown quietly murmured, head hung low. "And you were the first employer who didn't see a Changeling when you looked at me. You just saw ME. And this morning was the first and only time I've ever lied to you. And it was just because I wanted to go out with you. I kinda always have because of everything you've done for me. Because you see me as a person. Not just one of "them"."

Mettaton brushed some of his hair back, and now Shinedown could see both pink eyes gazing back as Mettaton shrugged a little and smiled. "You know what? It's...it's alright. Truth be told, I've done much, MUCH worse to the people I cared about. And actually, I..." A blush. "I actually kind of had a lot of fun tonight. See you tomorrow, Shinedown. Take care of yourself."

"You too..." Shinedown said softly, Mettaton striding down the sidewalk as he rubbed the back of his neck and smiled a little.

"...Hapstablook."

[meltedhorror]

Midsommar; as reviewed by me, a Swede

Okay so! Finally got around to writing this. This might be a long post, but oh well. Obvious spoiler warning.

For those who don’t know, I’m a Swede, born and raised in Sweden, having celebrated Midsummer every year that I’ve been on this earth. So needless to say - I would dare to say I know a bit about Midsummer. BUT I will admit that I may not be the very most knowledgable about how it was celebrated in the past and the exact origins about it. But I’ll try my best.

SO IMPORTANT TO KNOW BEFORE WE START TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY HANDLED MY CULTURE IN THE MOVIE.

Midsummer (in Swedish Midsommar) is the celebration of the fertilization of the earth, or the world being reborn anew. The celebration is to ask the gods/spirits to bless us with a good year of harvest and to keep our animals healthy. And thats the rough explanation of it.

So lets get into the movie stuff and see what they got accurate, no?

When our main cast arrive in Sweden and get to... I forgot the name of the place they went to-- I have relatives who come from there. Anyway, they are greeted with people doing drugs, drinking mushroom tea (also drugs) and being greeted by the multiple day celebration and preparation for Midsummer.

I don’t know how it is in other countries, but yes some people do make tea on special mushrooms here, and you do get high on it. You get these mushrooms from cow or horse shit, cause they grow in that, and then you make tea of it. It causes mostly hallucinations. I have friends who do it and I’ve been offered it a few times as well.

I don’t really know how every single person in this country spends their days before Midsummer, some may very well be hanging out doing drugs. But thats not really something majority of people do (surprise surprise).

When it comes to celebrating for a longer time.

It depends on where you are in the country. Some people make a huge thing out of it, celebrating sometimes the entire month, while others (like me) only spend like two days preparing and one day celebrating. It really depends on the people, how many are attending each separate celebration, and if its a local community centre (hembygdsgård in Swedish) thats holding the celebration.

What you do during this preparing time is things like building the majstång (dunno the translation tbh), make the food, depending on where you are make the special clothes for each participant, and a lot of girls pick flowers (we’ll get into that later).

So.. The clothes?

Yes! So we see people wearing these special clothes in the movie, and in this case they’re completely white and have runes on them. Again this depends on where you are and how you celebrate Midsummer if you actually wear these clothes.

Many hembygdsgårdar have them, and a lot of people do wear these clothes. But they come in many variants!

As you can probably tell, we don’t wear just plain white, but dress pretty colourful for the occasion!

You’d also probably wear a flower crown if you celebrated. Me and my mom always used to make flowercrowns for Midsummer when I was a kid, although they always came out very bad lmfao

So the midsommarstång or majstång?

Ah yes, can’t forget the main piece of the event! And I’m so glad they got it accurate in the movie! Or... Accurate with minor changes lmfao

(I couldn’t find a better picture I’m sorry)

So in the other two images that are not from the movie, we also have this centre piece I guess I could call it. This is the most important thing in our celebration, and it comes in two variant. The classic symbolism one (I will explain don’t worry) and one thats just a leafy pole with ribbons coming from the top.

The version we see in the movie however is the most common and has huge symbolism. What they did change about it though is that they put runes in the rings, which to my knowledge no one has ever done in this day and age, nor in the past.

BUT ANYWAY THE SYMBOLISM, DAMN I GET OFF TRACK FAST.

Remember how I said Midsummer is the celebration of the rebirth of the earth? The majstång symbolises a penis and a vagina, going into the ground to fertilize the earth and give life anew. Yes. We dance around a massive dick and coochie, what do you do during your summer?

The majstång is made of wood and leafy branches and a lot of the time is held together with steel wire or other sticks that are more bendable. And in my opinion? They nailed it in the movie.

I mentioned the girls picking flowers.

Okay so the day before Midsummer (I’m pretty sure at least) the girls would go out to pick flowers. But you have to do it in a certain way (which I don’t remember honestly) and you have to pick seven types of flowers. You have to walk backwards, and climb and walk a roof, and jump a gärdsgård (type of fence), and... Thats about what I remember.

What you do with these flowers after that is you put them beneath your pillow, and go to sleep before midnight, and then you’ll dream of your future lover.

Did I do this even though I’m a guy? Yes. Did it ever work? Hm... Not sure.

So what do the guys do? I honestly don’t really remember. I’m pretty sure you just go about your day as normal and help with chores and stuff. I might be wrong though.

They do this weird thing with their hands...

So throughout the movie you see the Swedes doing jazz hands I guess you could describe it the best. I’ve given it some thought, and I’m pretty sure what they’re doing is doing a forest clap, or a silent clap. I don’t know how it is in other countries but-

So basically when you’re out in nature you don’t want to disturb it, or you just don’t want to make a lot of noise, you can clap your hands like that. It means the same thing.

How do I know? Cause we got to learn two types of forest claps in school when I was a kid when we were out looking at rocks that got fucked when the great ice moved across the land.

So it might look weird, and I do admit it IS weird, but they are essentially just clapping their hands at things.

Okay, so how about the runes and learning runes?

In the movie they talk about how all the kids learn runes and how they write in runes. This is not something we do, obviously. But we do learn runes in school! Believe it or not, there was a time when I could write fluent runes and translate Swedish into runes.

They also talk about the runes having a great power. And this is actually interesting!

Back in the days of the Vikings, when we wrote in runes for real, they believed that the runes had powers and that if you etched the runes in with a weapon, either the rune got power of the weapon did (don’t remember which one). Thats why the runes do not have curved lines, because it was both difficult to make curves with something you slash at a rock or piece of wood, and you wouldn’t get as much power out of the rune/weapon.

Some runes have specific meanings, but majority of runes you’ll learn or see are just plain out letter you use to create words.

Runes are not inherently connected with Midsummer in the sense they want it to in the movie.

They made two old people jump off a cliff and die.

Okay so me being ever so slightly uncultured didn’t really know what this was either until I watched the movie, however my mom did.

Ättestupa was a way of punishing people, more specifically criminals. Once sentenced to have committed a crime, you could be thrown off this cliff and people would gather around to watch this. Think beheading in France, but instead you throw someone off a cliff.

That’s what my mom knows about it, and we actually live pretty close to one of these spots. However I’m a bit unsure if that was the only thing, as Google wants to tell me otherwise. They may very well have made old people jump, or them deciding themselves to jump.

But I can guarantee this has absolutely nothing to do with Midsummer.

So... THAT scene...

You know what I’m talking about. That one scene that got the entire audience to laugh uncontrollably in my case.

First thing I have to mention about this is that they state she’s Byxmynding, which they did explain as of legal age to have sex in the movie. And thats exactly what it is. Its the age of consent, or rather when you turn the age of consent. You become Byxmynding.

This age is 15 here in Sweden, and it is not legal for someone above the age of 18 to have sex with someone who is 15.

I just wanted to throw that out there.

Now obviously here’s where we step away from what is true and what is fiction and just horror. But I will also say that I’m pretty sure somewhere I’ve read that in the past that during Midsummer there would be orgies to celebrate the rebirth of the earth.

Don’t take my word for it, I may be wrong. But I’m pretty sure that was a thing.

Nowadays a lot of new age people in this country do that however.

The dude hanging from the ceiling with his lungs out his back.

This was a way of torture during the Viking age. You could either do this from the chest or from the back, but the intention was to make it look like you had wings as you were slowly dying.

The dancing around the majstång and the food.

This is something we do, we do dance around the majstång to music. As for the whole dance until you can’t stand anymore because myth of girls dancing to their death thing, I can’t confirm it and I can’t deny it. Its probably something pretty accurate, and I want to remember actually hearing that as a kid when we celebrated in school.

When we dance, depending on where, the people, etc etc, you may have a live band playing things like the fiddle, accordion, guitar, flute, things like that. Or you may just put on a recording of Små Grodorna and jump around to that.

We dance around for a while to the music, maybe play games during it, and then we finish to go eat with our family/friends/other people (Depending how you celebrate)

What we eat is things like herring, surströmming, boiled potatoes, eggs, knäckebröd... Maybe other things too. Personally I’m no big fan of the fish thats served and I usually just eat smoked salmon that I brought myself so I won’t starve.

So... What are my final thoughts about this movie?

I actually really enjoyed it! I could tell they put in good amount of research to make this, and thats always appreciated. Of course Midsummer as a normal thing here is not scary or horrific like in the movie. What I would describe what we see in the movie is cultish, and almost mixed with new age in a way.

They did a great job of depicting it as something strange and twisted, even to an audience who has been raised with this celebration.

I also really appreciate that they hired Swedish actors and actually spoke real Swedish!! It did so much for the movie to me, unlike other films set in Sweden (cough cough The Ritual fuck you thats not Swedish). I don’t know if English speaking who don’t know Swedish get English subtitles on the parts they speak Swedish, but it still does so much. And the dialogue didn’t feel forced or strangely translated, it felt... Natural. Even in a creepy way. But I will admit that a lot of the line delivery was very stiff and robotic.

I enjoyed it. As strange as it is, I enjoyed it.

Oh also the singing you hear throughout I’m pretty sure is a weird mix of Joik, which isn’t inherently Swedish, but eh who cares at this point

[szopenhauer]

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? I doubt that I’ll fall asleep tonight but if it happens then I want to sleep in

Have you ever been in an ambulance? twice Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? I prefer to buy them myself but I don’t like to travel lol Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? I hate them and they hate me back Do you try to stay busy a lot? define busy Do you lie a lot? nah, I exaggerate tho Do you still act childish most of the time? yup Did you ever enjoy gym class? yep What is your biggest insecurity? look? my skin  What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? my cellphone Do people consider you to be a funny person? yeah Do you have any bad habits? sure Do you like children? nooo If not, why is this? many reasons Do you own any gaming systems? I only play PC/ online/android apps How old were your parents when they had you? in their 30s Is there a big age difference between you and the person you date? there's barely any difference Does the future excite you or scare you? scares me Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? yes What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? we’ll see What is your favorite movie from the nineties? hard choice Which decade were you born in? 90s XD Are you good at giving advice to people? I am but they don’t listen Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? wouldn’t say so Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? me, I make myself feel useless because I am useless  Do you like texting or calling people more? texting Do you have a lot of friends? I have  no friends Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? meh Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? stay in Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I don’t attract them Where is your favorite place to travel? nowhere What is your goal for the next few months? working on my health issues mostly Do you own a lot of shoes? just a few pairs Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? sweatpants Do you think you have a good sense of style? I have my own sense of style but I head I’m good with accessorising Do you enjoy reading often? occassionally only Have you ever had a deadly illness? sigh... Where did you last eat dinner at? finally home

have you ever been invited to a tacky-christmas-sweater party? I like tacky sweaters but I dislike parties what is the biggest turn off to you? penis

when was the last time you had a nightmare? recently where do you see yourself in ten years? dead if you had the chance to re-do the past six months…would you do it? maybe does your family have traditions? some sort of have you ever had a horrible school picture? I’m ugly whose voice will never fail to get on your nerves? hmm... do you sleep on your stomach, side or back? definitely not my back would you ever take up a job in photography? don’t think so

Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where u are? kinda

What is your favourite part of the movie “The Lion King”? Timon and Pumba moments

Do you knock before entering someone’s room? of course

Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? one was crawling on me today twice and I didn’t freak out

Have you ever used a tanning bed? hell no Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? :o

Have you ever been go-cart racing? I have not

How many jobs have you had in your life? it’s complicated but I’d say zero

Does your shower have a door or curtains? we have bath

Are you good at remembering names? am really bad at it

Have you ever walked the opposite direction on an escalator? noooo

When making pancakes, do you try to make cool shapes/pictures? I don’t cool

Opinions on Channing Tatum? blergh

Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? it’s possible

Do you still live in your home town? I do indeed

Where do you apply cologne or perfume? -

What about your look makes it your signature ‘you’ look? childish stuff, leggings, funny quotes on T-shirts...

Do you have an innie or outie? innie

Do you type quickly or slowly? very fast

Have you ever been addicted to a game? for a short time period

How long do you spend getting ready every day? minutes

How many cavities do you have? lots

Do you take surveys hoping someone will see your answers or just ‘because’? just because

What diet could you never do? vegan

What kind of toothpaste do you like? none

What would you never do, for all the money in the world? sell my soul

Is the grass greener on the other side? it’s probably fake 

who picks the music when you’re riding in the car? driver

do you know anyone who regularly uses a bike for transportation? my uncle

do you consider audio books not really reading? it’s listening

strangest thing you’ve ever put in the trunk of a car? wtf

do you carry matches or a lighter? I own a lighter but I don’t carry either around

do you keep socks with a hole in them if they are your favorites? ^^” 

last time you wore clothes that were too small on you. I wear oversized

have you ever had something taken away from you by airport security? luckily not

something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? personal

do you store any non food items in the fridge? cosmetics (my mom does, not me)

have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? not applicable

have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? don’t do that!

plain band aids or fun ones? plain

which pain killer do you use? time 

have you ever borrowed underwear from a friend? disgusting, cringe

last pair of shoes you threw out? my red martens? 

have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? I’m not stupid

do you pay attention to people’s posture? rarely

could you happily survive in a world without music? if I was born in it then 100% but if it stopped existing now then I’d be sad, still survive  has anyone ever revealed one of your secrets to another person? more than once if you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? this question today...

what do you often assume about other people? that they’re evil, more or less

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? middle school? how do you hold/position your pillow while you sleep? dunno how to explain that what kind of environment do you need to be able to sleep? not fresh pajama/sheets, smth under my chest/lungs lately, arm under a small pillow, light until I feel sleepy enough to turn it off, not wanting to eat or pee anymore as it bothers me, preferably no noise and strong smells too, alone, pajama, socks when it’s cold... have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? ewww, feet are gross have you ever farted, but tried to pass it off as someone else? as smth else*

why do you use foul language, if you do? it helps like punching something

is there a type of candy that you do not like? most of candies is there anything about which you are consistently paranoid? sadly rank your life based on percentage spent happy, and percentage spent sad: 99% unhappy?...

Would you rather date someone opposite from you or the same as you? similar

Do you own any band merch? I wish 

Do you like Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit? LOTR but not Hobbit

Do you usually regret things you did or things you didn’t do more? things I did

Do you prefer shopping with friends or by yourself? depends

If you had a parrot, what would be the first word you would teach it? hello/hi

What food did you eat the most lately? white bread

What do you want your wedding song to be? our song

True/False : If it’s meant to be, it will be. hopefully true

what’s something you want but will probably never get? health

Do you get embarrassed when your stomach growls in class? that is sooo awkward

Do you think tattoos are hot? I don’t mind some

When did you last play Monopoly? this year?

Do you love food more than you love people? I don’t like food nor ppl

True or False: you this read wrong I read this right, you written it wrong

Do you think underwater pictures look cool? creepy

What is the most ridiculous law you ever heard about? there was this guy who broke some ridiculous laws in England 

[parkersharthook]

Spill Your Guts...

(Tom Holland x female!reader)

Warnings: gross food and little mentions of tom holland, lol sorry

2.2k+ words

you’re invited by James Corden on the show to play a little game of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.

“Now y/n, I know you are familiar with this game correct?”

You squinted your eyes at the nasty foods that sat on the table in front of you, “unfortunately.”

James laughed slightly as he continued, “well for those of you who don’t know this game is called Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts. I will be asking the lovely y/n here some questions that my writers have typed up. Neither her nor me have seen the questions before this. Should y/n not want to answer the question then she will have to eat one of these delectable snack choices we have.”

You clasped your hands together, “and what do we have here today James?”

He smiled, “well thank you for asking. Today our selection is filled with crickets, blood head cheese, hot sauce, bull penis, sardine smoothie, cow’s tongue, deep fried butter, and a thousand-year-old egg.”

You grimaced, “yum. Okay, who’s going first?”

“Why don’t you start first.”

You rubbed your hands together and peered around the table, “just because I think it’s the most disgusting option up here, I am going to give you the blood head cheese.” The crowd cringed at the sight, “okay James…” A small laugh escaped your throat as you read the card, “ok. Okay. This one isn’t that bad, which I’m kind of disappointed by.” You looked him dead in the eye, “why wasn’t Tom included in the Avengers Tour Bus Segment.”

James shook his head slightly as the crowd laughed at the question. James eyed the gross cube of food. “Blood head cheese or….” He sighed and ran a hand over his face, “okay. Now before we start, I love Tom. He’s a fantastic actor and great guy.”

You laughed, “but….?”

He sighed again, contemplating his options once more. “There was a scheduling conflict.”

You rolled your eyes and pointed at him, “bullshit. James, that is bullshit. Spill or fill baby.”

He laughed again, “okay fine. To be completely honest, it’s because Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie were on the bus.” You threw your head back in laughter. “I’m serious. I thought that conflict would arise and decided I would be the proactive one and stop it before it started.”

You clapped your hands as you laughed. “wait no, that’s brilliant. Oh my god…” You let out a shaky breath and wiped the small tears that formed in your eyes, “Good job James.”

“thank you, thank you. Now, for your first food. I’m going to give you the cow’s tongue.” He picked up a paper, his eyes scanning the question and a large smile spread over his face.

“oh no.” you whispered. “you know this game is unfair. I’m literally apart of one of the most secretive movie companies on earth!”

James nodded and laughed, “yes you are.” He placed the card down before glancing at it again quickly. “okay. So… y/n. If you had to replace any MCU actor with someone else, who would you swap?”

You fought the small smile that made its way onto your lips. “fuck.” You quickly covered your mouth, “sorry I keep forgetting we can’t swear on American television. But damn this is hard.”

“There is always the tongue.”

“I know that there’s a cow’s tongue!” You quipped back easily causing James to laugh loudly. “But there’s literally no one that I would want to replace. Everyone is so good.”

“That’s not an answer.”

You groaned slightly, “I’m like trying to remember all of the movies.” Your eyes looked to ceiling as you thought before your eyes popped open. “okay I actually have one.”

James’s eyes widened as he smiled, “oh do tell.”

“give me one sec.” you quickly pulled out your phone and texted Kevin Feige who was sitting in the back of the audience listening, probably waiting to fire you. Bautista?

“woah woah wait a second. What are you doing there?” James asked while laughing.

You giggled as you looked dup from your phone, “making sure I don’t lose my job.” yeah go ahead. “okay we’re good. I would replace Dave Bautista with Dwayne Johnson.”

The crowd oohed as James almost lost it, “really? Why?”

You held up a finger, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize that we were allowed to ask two questions. Now, I think it’s your turn.”

He continued laughing as you spun the table around so that the deep-fried butter was in front of him. “Okay keep laughing James. Because this next question is a doozey.”

“oh boy bring it on.”

You laughed, “how much money did you get paid to do Peter Rabbit?”

James frowned instantly and ran a hand over his lips, “alright here we go.” He lifted the stick of butter, it almost slipping through his fingers. You covered your mouth as you gagged slightly. You looked away as James took a rather large bite of the butter. You instantly turned your body as you heard his gag, not wanting to look at the scene. He spit the butter into the nearby bucket and took a large gulp of water to wash down the foul taste. He wiped his mouth and let out a small laugh at your disgusted face.

“Oh, James that was awful, I’m truly sorry.”

He shook his head as his tongue poked out over his lip. “okay now I want to give you something bad.” He spun the table around so that the shot flute of hot sauce sat in front of you. He picked up the card and laughed, quickly covering his mouth. “ok y/n, now I get to return the favor. How much were you paid to do avengers.”

You bit your lip and cringed at both the question and the idea of having to drink hot sauce. You picked up the small glass and examined it, “how hot is this?”

James laughed, “the hottest one we could find.”

“so, like if my mouth is ruined after this…?” he just shrugged, and you sighed, “well let’s toast to lost friends, then shall we?” He laughed loudly as you raised the glass in toast and plugged your noise. You tipped it back and waited for the thick liquid to slowly roll into your mouth. You barely took a full sip before you were reeling back and shaking your head in disgust. You put down the glass and fought to swallow it. Eventually you forced the hot liquid down your throat and gagged, instantly picking up the glass of water.

“holy—you actually drank it.” James said in surprise.

You nodded as you chugged down more water, letting out a large sigh before the burn really set it. “fuck, it’s really hot.” You laughed slightly as you tried to fan your mouth.

“I didn’t think you would actually drink that.”

You nodded and shook out the sleeves of your blouse. You took another large sip, “When I play a game, I play to win. But fuck, this is really hot.” You billowed your shirt to bring some air to your body, “can I get some milk? Like this is really hot.”

James laughed and nodded, “yeah we can get you some milk.” He looked off to one of his crew members and gestured. A moment later a glass of cool milk was being handed to you.

“thank you so much.” You said before you took a large sip. “man, that was really hot. What pepper was that made from?”

James shrugged with a large grin over his face, “I don’t know but I’m happy that wasn’t me.”

You shook your head and bit your lip looking at the selection of gross food. “well now you better watch out James because I’m out for revenge. Why don’t we go with the nice sardine smoothie?”

“I was hoping I wouldn’t get this one.”

“whelp.” You shrugged. You read the card, “get ready to drink. James, which product that you endorse do you actually not use or enjoy?”

James ran his fingers over his lips, “out of any of the products that I endorse?”

You shook your head, “they’re options. Chase Bank, Apple Music, or Keurig Coffee.”

James frowned and looked over to his production crew, “why guys? Why.” You let out a hearty laugh as James began to eye the glass of the chunky smoothie. “I guess I too should toast to broken friendships.” You laughed as he tipped the glass your way before taking a sip.

You watched him instantly spit it back out causing you to boo, “James! I swallowed all of the hot sauce, weak!”

He wiped his mouth and offered you the glass, “please show me how it’s done if you’d like.” You shook your head and he lowered the glass, “that’s what I thought. Now for you, I thought of this since last round. I want you to eat some crickets.”

You smirked slightly as he picked up the card. He opened his mouth in shock before continuing, “y/n, are all of the characters that died in Avengers: Infinity War permanently dead?”

You smiled, “oh that’s easy.” Everyone perched on the edge of their seats, “I don’t know.”

James rolled his eyes, “of course you know.”

“no, I actually don’t. We aren’t told anything. I will find out the answer to that question at the same time you will, which is when it comes out.”

“That is such a cop out!”

You widened your eyes and laughed, “no it wasn’t! That’s the truth!”

He pointed to the glass accusingly, “eat it.”

“But I answered the question!”

“fine then, does your character stay dead?”

You shook your head vigorously, “no no no no! That wasn’t the question!”

“you need to eat that!”

You smiled widely and pushed it away from you, “I am not gonna eat it. I’m sorry that it wasn’t the answer you were looking for, but I still answered the question!” Both you and James laughed loudly as he finally relented.

“Fine you don’t have to eat it.”

You grimaced, “no you know what, I will eat them because I’m not a cheater. So, while I did answer the question…” you looked directly into the camera, “I will still eat the crickets.”

“What?” James laughed, “No you really don’t have to.”

You lifted your hands in surrender, “no James. It’s fine, I’ll eat the crickets.” You lifted one by the legs, “I’ve actually eaten a cricket before.”

James did a double take as you tossed the bug into your mouth with relative ease. You chewed it slightly before swallowing as James stared with an open mouth.

“wait wait back it up. Why did you eat a cricket?”

You laughed slightly as you took a sip of water, “my granddad used to buy these packs of like bacon flavored worms or cheese flavored crickets as a joke, and one thanksgiving—”

“you ate those instead of the probably delicious food that was around you?”

You laughed and shook your head, “no no. My brother and I played what are the odds and I lost so I had to eat them, and I did.”

“why didn’t you just like… not eat them?”

You scoffed, “do you have an older brother?” He shook his head, “okay then. You can’t just back out of a dare.”

“alright then let’s continue. We have one question left for each of us.”

You nodded and spun the table, so the thousand-year-old egg was in front of him, “last one James, which do you prefer: USA or England?”

The crowd oohed loudly as James dropped his head with laughter, “oh man. I mean, I love both countries so much.”

“yeah okay.” You smirked, “now answer the question.”

He laughed again, “I’m forever grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to be here in America and host this amazing show. But London is my home, I grew up there.”

“right… your answer?” You leaned forward slightly, teasing him

“cheers.” You laughed loudly as James took a bite, almost instantly spitting it out and gulping at the water.

“alright last one y/n and I will give you the last food option, the bull penis.”

You groaned slightly as you lifted the bowl to sniff it. “okay the smell could be worse but it also could be a hell of a whole lot better.”

James laughed and tapped the card on the desk, “to finish the game, y/n… how good is Tom in bed?”

You ran your tongue over your bottom lip as you shook your head. “oh my god.”

“your answer?”

You bit your lip, “my answer is…. It is very ironic that I’m about to eat bull penis instead of answering a sex related question.”

“yes, it is now answer or dig in.”

You picked up a penis slice between your sharpened nails and lifted it towards your mouth. You pursed your lips before letting out a breath and putting the bull penis into your mouth.

“how is it?” James asked with a sly smile

You grimaced and swallowed thickly, “chewy.”

James laughed and clapped his hands, “well that is our game. Thank you so much to y/n y/l/n for being such a good sport in the game and doing much better than me. Avengers 3 is now on Blu-Ray and DVD and stay tuned for the exclusive drop of an Avengers 4 clip!” You clapped along with James before standing up and giving him a light hug. You waved to audience as the curtain dropped. Your phone instantly dinging in your pocket.

You pulled it out as you walked back towards the dressing room.

Tom: You did great babe and you really took one for the team on the last one.

y/n: you owe me

Tom: of course

[fatbottombucky]

That’s Stark’s Boy *Peter Parker x Reader*

Chapter Fourteen

Summary: After getting kicked out of school and following the wrong crowd your mother sends you to live with your father - at least you’re away from her layabout boyfriend. But your dad happens to be Tony Stark, he enrolled you into a new school and enlisted the help of his faithful protege to help you feel welcome. Not only are you the new kid but you gotta balance the Stark Expectations AND you’re living with a bunch of heroes… also, lest you forget that a certain red-suited hero makes it difficult to keep your sexuality a secret.

Pairings: Peter Parker x Male!Reader / Tony Stark (dad) x Reader (son)

Warnings: Swearing & Reader having no clue what to do with himself

Word Count: 3222

A/N: So, normally I would link the previous part but since the update where text posts with links won’t show up in searches... I can’t do that. So, to find the Masterlist for this series, either scroll through my blog or clink the masterlist link in my bio... sorry, but it’s the only way my posts will show up in searches without links! - Rosalie

Chapter Note: Got some help from two friends, so big up to them! Their first kiss is coming, it’s in the next chapter ;)

(Jason is a real character from Homecoming, played by Jorge, who played Nick in Love, Simon. So, he’s gonna be featured because I love his friendship with Simon in the movie, plus miffed that I don’t think he’s back for Far From Home)

You could hear them from the living room, talking to one another. You wished you understood the science talk, but you didn’t and you never would, you don’t think anyway. They have been discussing new gadgets for Peter’s suit, nothing too flashy but very his brand. You almost wanted to roll your eyes at their little chuckles, probably, a science pun if anything.

“Alright, well, good work today Peter,” you glanced up from your phone to see your dad and Peter walk into the living room, big smiles on their faces. “Say hello to your aunt for me?” He called as Peter began to walk out of the living room.

You watched Peter, he gave you a small smile before leaving. Your dating is still a secret from your dad, neither of you thought it best to tell him just yet, not until you were both sure about this and each other. Also, you didn’t want him to make a big deal out of it, your dad has this uncanny ability to make things awkward, pretty quickly too.

You glance to Tony, who is already typing on his phone and turning to exit the living room, going back to his lab to work. It doesn’t surprise you, mostly hurts you a little bit. He’ll spend hours upon hours working, holding meetings or doing god knows what in the lab, never giving himself enough time to even eat or sleep. Yet, he’ll make time for Peter, a kid that isn’t his. You didn’t want to admit that Mj was right, but she was, you’re jealous of Peter but only his relationship with your dad because they have stuff in common like; being superheroes and geniuses, you and Tony are complete opposite when it comes to hobbies and interests.

A small part of you felt like you did this to yourself, you pushed Tony away from you all those years ago, and you’ve never made an effort to never be interested in science. Peter was around when you weren’t, he became the son Tony had always dreamed of and wanted. You shouldn’t be jealous and you didn’t want to care, yet you did. You cared because Tony is your dad and you didn’t want to share him or compete for his attention.

You also didn’t want this negative energy to affect your current relationship with Peter… only it already has. You started to spend less and less time with him, making up excuses about where you’re going and what you’re doing after school. In fact, you actually started to finish a lot of homework because of it, teachers are finally liking you at school now. You still made an effort to be around him, not to raise too much suspicion about your current thoughts and feelings, but the more you saw Peter be the perfect ideal son to your dad… the more you resented yourself.

“Sup,” you place your bag down beside Zander, instantly grabbing the attention of his table. 

You hadn’t really talked to Zander since the party, apart from in lessons and over text. He hung around different people to you, which is fine because he’s the friend that invites you to parties and doesn’t expect anything but you turning up.

“Hey, Y/N. Had a falling out with Peter or something?”

Shrugging casually. “Something like that,” Zander turns to you and looks concerned, “I don’t want to talk about it. Mind if I sit with you?”

Zander smiles, “sure, don’t see why not. That’s Flash, he’s my other friend and actually, dj’d at the party you attended ages ago. That’s Jason, you’ve seen him present the school news with Betty.”

You nodded at Flash, his collar sticking up and gelled black hair. He casually waved at you, you had heard about him from Peter and seen him around, pretty sure he created the name ‘penis parker’ and said it a few times when walking past Peter. Peter didn’t seem all that bothered, so you never reacted or did anything outrageous- like the time you punched a guy first week here.

You sneakily glanced at your usual table, Mj didn’t seem that interested in where you sat and was currently reading a book with earphones in. However, the two boys of your table, well they were another story. Both were staring at you, frowning and muttering to one another, probably, about why you’re over here and not there with them. You watch as Peter pulls out his phone, typing away quickly and Ned glancing over his shoulder.

Both heads look in your direction and in that second you feel your phone vibrate; Peter has texted you. You decide to ignore it, instead choosing to listen to Flash’s story about how Spider-Man stole his car back during Homecoming, you raised your eyebrows and laugh, the thought of Peter actually driving around whilst dressed as Spider-Man made you want to cry with laughter (you held back not to embarrass yourself).

“We’ve heard this story a million times,” Zander groans and throws some fries at Flash, who huffs a little at his friend.

You shrug, “I haven’t. Seems Spider-Man always shows up in the most opportune moments.”

“Yeah, he was there in Washington, saved the Decathlon team from dying. It was all over the news.” Flash shrugged nonchalantly, “I didn’t panic but everyone else did.”

You could feel your phone vibrate with every new notification you got, you decided to ignore them and listen to Flash, Jason and Zander conversation. The main topic being music, after hearing about Flash’s dj-ing, you started to talk about your band and music and that turned into Zander joining in because he was once in a band, but his brother went to Uni abroad, so he no longer plays the guitar. Jason is apparently an expert at karaoke, something you’ve gotta see or so Flash says.

“Sounds like we’ve got the set-up for a techno band,” you joked with them as the bell sounds.

“If you attend Z’s party next week I’m down for a karaoke-off?” Jason offered, nudging Flash who shrugged and nodded, Zander sighed and agreed. “I’ll bring my machine, it has over two-thousand songs on it.”  

Flash made a ‘really’ face, “As long as you have some Drake on there, I’m in.”

That started your unofficial plan of avoiding Peter and your father. Unintentional, but it worked a damn treat. You started sitting with Jason during your AP classes, getting a lift home from Flash, and even attending after-school art club with Zander. Yet, a big part of you felt bad and guilty, it wasn’t Peter’s fault for having a better bond with Tony- nor was it Mj’s or Ned’s.

You walked out of school on Thursday, a whole two weeks of only talking to Peter via text, same with Ned and Mj. You looked across the carpark, seeing Flash and Jason waiting for you in his dad’s new car. You give a little wave, but you're yanked backwards by your backpack, spinning around you’re met with the rageful face of Mj.

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” she affirms.

Instead of answering her you look at Flash, gesturing with your head that he can leave. You look back down at Mj, biting your bottom lip and nodding, she turns on her heel and walks towards the local coffee house. It’s only a short journey, yet it felt long due to the silence. Mj gets the usual orders, still ignoring you, so you grab the table by the window and wait. 

She sits opposite you, placing her bag on the seat beside her and her eyes meet yours. The lack of emotion behind them and the narrowed look makes you cringe, it’s like your under an FBI spotlight, like she’s got you in for questioning for a murder you didn’t commit. 

“So,” you begin and she only raises her eyebrows at you, “you were right.”

She nods, “that tends to happen.” You huff out a laugh, “what about this time?” tilting her head to the right in confusion, a little thing she does when confused or inquisitive.

“Me being jealous of my dad and Peter,” she makes an ‘Ohhh’ sound and nods, “Whenever I see them together I get this… feeling Mj, I can’t explain it but it makes me sad. I’m upset and guilty ‘cause I don’t have that connection with him and I’ve always blamed my dad, never once thought it was me.” You sigh and lick your lips, leaning back against the chair and looking out of the window to the streets, “I just wanted some time away from feeling like that, I guess.”

Mj nods silently, eyebrows knitting together as she thinks for a few moments. “You should talk to Tony, this is about how you don’t have a bond with him or anything in common like Peter does. Maybe, talking will help find some common ground between you. If you’re finding it difficult then he is too.”

You nod, smiling when your Iced Mochas are brought over to the table. Taking equally silent sips, allowing the buzz of the coffee house takes over, you look at Mj who has already pulled out her sketch pad, sketching a few civilians around her.

“Also, can’t believe you’re friends with Flash,” she mutters but has a smile on her face. “You and Jason seem close, is he replacing Peter?” she doesn’t look up to study your face.

You allow yourself to scowl at Mj, confused by her question also. She knows your feelings for Peter, she knows you, and she knows you’d never jump from one person to another.

“Of course not,” you hiss, Mj looks up a little taken back, “He’s just my friend, plus he likes Abby and won’t stop talking about her. I think I might have to step in and get them together.”

She nods slightly, “Just don’t go radio silent on me again, okay?” You nod, “You can have other best  friends, I don’t care, it’s whatever.” You chuckle and nod, settling back to watching her sketch people and telling her all the drama Flash seems to cause at parties.

**

You walked down to the lab, where your father was busy looking at the screens situated around the lab. Talking to Friday as he went, you frowned and leaned on the wall watching as he paced around. The screens showing different maps of the world, a few glowing dots and Bruce Banner’s face on another screen.

“Still looking for the Green Giant?” You called and pushed yourself away from the wall to walk around the lab, sitting on a workbench.

Tony nodded with a small chuckle, “Yep. He’s my friend and I want to know he’s okay, so far nothing.” You nod slowly, “you just missed Peter, by the way.”

“Figured.” You sighed.

It goes back to being silent, on your end away. Listening to Tony make plans to talking to other world leaders and military leaders, all on the hunt for one guy, well, a few more it seems; Tony is only interested in finding Banner, whereas everyone else wants to know where Cap and his merry men are.

“You should go upstairs, I’m going to be here for some time,” Tony calls over his shoulder and you nod, head hanging low and shoving your hands in your pockets.

“Mmmhmm, okay,” you mutter and turn on your heel, yet something pulls you back. “Actually, no, I’m not going to go upstairs.” Tony looks over his shoulder with raised eyebrows at your outburst, “So, Peter gets to spend time with you and I have to go upstairs?” You ask, arms outstretched as if that proves your point somehow.

Tony is silent and looks caught off guard, “I just thought you’d find this boring, you’re welcome to stay down here.” 

You nod almost robotically, sitting down on the closest surface to you, which was a workbench he wasn’t using. You glance around the room and look anywhere but at Tony, trying your best to look interested and intrigued in what was happening. 

There’s a thick tension between you both, Tony glances at you every once and a while, before continuing to his work. Neither of you makes any comments and he was right, you do find this boring. He’s just looking at possible sightings of Hulk, stuff that has happened that could be the cause of Banner Hulking out, yet nothing really stands out.

“Are you jealous of Peter?” Tony asks suddenly, you look up and see Tony has pulled a wheelie stool and is sitting opposite you, a solemn expression on his face. “You’ve not been yourself these few weeks, Peter mentioned that you’ve been hanging out with other people and that you’re not really talking to him as much, he’s confused if he's done something wrong.”

“Why are you so obsessed with him?” You ask without thinking, you instantly feel guilty for asking that because Peter needs a mentor like Tony, “I didn’t mean- just you spend so much time with him, have this great bond with him… why am I here? Why did you offer to take me in if you already have what you wanted with Peter?”

Tony sits up straight, a frown pulled his eyebrows together. “We have nothing in common. Yet, I hate seeing you have this great connection with Peter. He’s just like you, a genius and he gets those stupid science jokes you tell. He’s a superhero too, he’s everything you want in a son and I’m just here. Everyone already says I’m nothing like you, that I’ll never be, and Peter proves that.”

You look at your hands, not being able to look at Tony after your confession. He doesn’t say anything, not straight away, you feel him stand up and start pacing slightly. You glance up to see a pained expression on his face, one of disappointment, you can’t tell if it’s meant to be directed at you or himself.

“Y/N, you’ll never be me,” you frown, “And that’s something everyone will realise, it’s something you’ve got to realise too. We’re not alike, you’re your own person and you like different stuff to me, and to your mum. I don’t want you to be anything but yourself.” You nod slowly, Tony kneels in front of you and smiles, “Peter is a smart kid, not as smart as me, of course.” You both chuckle lightly, “the only family Peter has is his aunt, he’s a lost a lot of people, I guess, I can relate to that. He needed someone to steer Spider-Man in the right direction, plus Peter Parker too.

“You’re my son, you’re everything I hoped for. I don’t want some genius son or some superhero, I just want you and for you to be happy with your life and have all the opportunities you want.” Tony pauses, “Honestly, you remind me so much of my mother, I think, you’re more Carbonell than Stark.”

You raise an eyebrow, “How so?”

Tony chuckles and sits on the stool again, “Well, she’s Italian and they’re very passionate people, she has a big extended family,” Tony sighs, “I’ve always meant to go and see them, but I can’t bring myself to,” you nod a little with your eyebrows furrowed. “She loved music, always played the piano, she taught me actually. She loved art, couldn’t paint to save her life, but she admired a lot of art. I actually own a few of her favourites now, she was strong and endured a lot. Think Howard Stark’s curse skipped a generation a little of Carbonell came through in you.”

You spend the next three hours discussing Tony’s childhood and his mother, he leaves out times with Howard, you’ve already heard everything you needed to from Happy and Pepper over the years. You talk about movies, all of Tony’s being stuff you hadn’t seen, so he’s making it a priority to watch them with you. You even start to help him with Iron Man stuff, giving him ideas for suit updates.

“You know, I think, you pretend you aren’t a genius.” Tony remarks as you leave the lab, you laugh softly and shrug, “you’re in AP classes, Y/N, and you clearly know your way around engineering.”

“I like cars, more so, I like taking things apart and then putting them back together. Iron Man has components that similar to a car’s body,” Tony gives a little ‘huh’ as you walk.

Tony nudges you gently and grins, “We’re more alike than you think.”

**

You walk the streets of Queens, you know you should be at home, especially since it’s two in the morning but you had to see him before school. There was the chance he wouldn’t be home and wouldn’t be home for a long time either, but you could wait for him. You did text, but he never responded, as usual when he’s on patrol.

The street lights illuminated the way towards the Parker residents, your hands shoved in your denim jacket pockets. Probably, not the best night for ripped jeans because of the cold, but for aesthetic purposes, you looked good. Tony is right, you’re like him, Stark ego shining through.

“We could’ve talked at school, ya’know?” A voice calls and you look around before a whilst grabs your attention, you look up and see Spider-Man perched on a streetlight above you.

You roll your eyes at him, “You saying you don’t want to talk to me?” You can tell he’s rolling his eyes at you, he hops down and lands in front of you and crosses his arms, you pout. “Do not make me say it!”

He gestures for you to say it, looking at you through the mask still but you can tell he has a cocky, smug smile on his face and you’d love to kiss punch off of him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” You huff and cross your arms, “there I said it. I was jealous of you and my dad having this weird bond, so I acted out and pushed everyone away because I like being the centre of everyone’s attention, especially my dad’s.”

It’s silent and you look at Peter, who has taken off the mask and has a confusion written across his face like he didn’t expect you to say all of that. Almost as if he didn’t know that’s why you had stopped hanging around him, his eyebrows knitted together and he looked as though he was trying to solve a murder in his mind.

“Wait…” he muttered, “I thought you were coming here to tell me you didn’t want to date me anymore,” he confessed and this time you looked confused. “You were jealous of my bond with Tony? That’s ridiculous, all he does is fix my suit when I can’t or make more web fluid when I have too much school work.”

You felt a tad stupid, maybe you shouldn’t have said all of that to him, but you were certain he had pieced it together. “Well… shut up! I didn’t know that you guys spend a lot of time together and you’re both smart, so shut up.” Peter chuckled lightly, “why did you think I didn’t want to date you anymore?”

“Well, Ned told me that you were doubting us that time you bailed on study night. Then you started to sit with Zander, Flash and Jason, I don’t know, you just didn’t seem to want to be around me anymore.”

Your heart clenched slightly at his words, an overwhelming feeling to just hug came over you and you took that feeling. You pulled him to you and hugged him tightly, he laughed loudly and hugged you back, you could he wasn’t using his full strength because he could, probably, crush you if he wanted- luckily he doesn’t want to.

Pulling back a little and shaking your head, “Peter, I want to date you and I always want to be around you.” That comment made Peter blush. 

You feel the urge to kiss Peter, the way he’s smiling up at you and the light pink dusting his cheeks: he’s adorable and hard to resist. Although, you hear that beeping again, the one that alerts Peter of a possible crime. You smile softly and lean down to kiss his cheek, you know Peter will be tomato red, and you’re right when you pull away. 

Letting out a little airy chuckle you pull away from him. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” you call as you back away. 

“Shouldn’t- Maybe- shouldn’t I take you home?” Peter asked pulling on the mask to hide his blushing face as you chuckled lightly over his stumbling of words.

You shrugged, “I’ll be fine. Heard there’s this hot superhero about, sure if I run into trouble he’ll help me out.” You wink before turning around.

(Again, you can find the previous parts for this on my masterlist under That’s Stark’s Boy, I can’t add links because then this won’t show up in Tumblr searches. I hope you liked this part PLEASE tell me what you think so far, I appreciate feedback on this. - Rosalie)

If you wished to be tagged for this, let me know. I reblog with tags now, just because tagging at the end looks really messy to me x

[babyi]

Thank U, Next: Album Review

Disclaimer: These opinions below are my own and only opinions. It’s okay not to agree with anything I will say here, this is my personal experience of the album. Also the album hasn’t been out long yet so it hasn’t had the chance to marinate yet and opinions might change in time. Y’all asked for it. 

Imagine: 4/10

This is not the most interesting song on the album, but it’s chill and nice to have on. The whistles are everything and really, for me, pull the song from boring into being an interesting experimentation piece. I don’t have a lot of reasons why this would be the first song but it’s not a bad opener. I guess this song is an alright song, a little underrated and a weird choice for a single given the other singles and how much Ariana doesn’t appear to care about it. The lyrics are similarly okay, not groundbreaking but not a fuckup (except the use of ‘sleep’ instead of ‘asleep’?) and the concept is sweetly sad. 

Needy: 8/10

Bop bop bop. It’s not a strong song like a big ballad or brave r&b statement but for what she is, she’s still important. The concept is everything, and it didn’t let me down which is important to me. It was the snippet that I was looking forward to and it did deliver the slow jam with a unique depreciating but honest message. The vocals aren’t stunning but she does sing and it feels really personal and heartfelt. And the babyloves instrumental at the end cinches this as a favourite of mine, it just sounds so pure and it’s a real relatable song. 

NASA: 5/10

Apparently quite a controversial one, either people are loving it or ignoring it. It does have a ‘kiss me thru the phone’ vibe, but I think she’s cute. Again, not a big statement but satisfying as a basic r&b moment. The lyrics are great in this song, despite the repetitive ‘imma need spice’ chorus, the verses have some original concepts and storyline. It has a really cool alternative, almost spin-off vibe to God Is A Woman with the space parallels and some linking lyrics about ‘your orbit’. And whenever Ariana manages to have a concept that doesn’t just revolve around penis in the vag I always nut, and this song is actually about the opposite and pushing someone away which is refreshing. The song is ultimately a bit forgettable but has some redeeming qualities that make me glad it made it to the album.  

Bloodline: 2/10

Nonna is a nice touch but I don’t really care about it? I don’t think about it unless it’s on. It’s good to come to a more upbeat song after the first three, and it’s catchy- with a kinda havana spanish vibe? It would have been interesting to see what would have happened if this was a single instead of Imagine, but as a 2019 song it’s almost a little outdated as music has evolved from despacito’s popularity. The lyrics are basic and something more familiar to Ariana’s usual style of vocals with some signature ‘yuh’s. I can see why people would enjoy it, and I think if it played in a club, no-one would object but for me idc. 

Fake Smile: 4/10

Starting to get tired of these alternative ‘sample’ beginnings to her songs on this album. But I like the sound of the song a lot. It reminds me heavily of Lily Allen? And y’all know I don’t like unnecessary swearing which the chorus of this song has a lot of I think. It has some of greedy’s backing vocals but goes in a different direction with vibe, however the concept really puts me off. We have this ‘’my life is hard the media and rumours are hard’’ in SO MANY other Ariana songs and I am TIRED. Go talk to You Dont Know Me or IDC for those tired concepts. She really doesn’t seem to be focusing on the positivity when she’s always putting out songs like this which is a shame because I really like Lily Allen’s music. 

Bad Idea: 7/10

We start out so strong with this song, and I really like it. The chorus really makes me wanna bop, it’s a good catchy song. Since someone pointed out the ‘ari-chan’ bit I’ve really not been able to unhear it which sucks. But in my opinions it’s like a better/alternative version of dw’s Bad Decisions. It’s not the most unique of concepts but I really like the climax vocal moment in it and it reminds me of breathin at that part. The orchestral part at the end confuses me a little? It doesn’t really go but doesn’t ruin it for me- I’ll always take some strings. 

Make Up: 0/10

I’m not a fan. It’s another one of those trippy pharrell-esque beats with no real content and some more rap-singing. Not much to say about this one, I just don’t really like it, it’s a skip from me. Issa mood issa vibe isn’t good lyrics, it doesn’t have any good melodies or vocals that would endear it to me. The beat kinda sounds like it’s falling down the stairs slowly. I just don’t think it’s album material. 

Ghostin: 10/10

Now she’s a CONCEPT. Her voice sounds heavenly and in my opinion this song has some of the best concepts and lyrics on the album. It’s a sad bop but so so needed after all Ariana has been through with her bereavement and loss. It’s so sad and sends my heart to her, she’s serenading her tears and fears to us on this song and really telling us what is going on with some of her sadder moments. It’s bittersweet and uses the concept of ‘ghosting’ as a double meaning for mac’s spirit and as the colloquial slang meaning to break up with or ignore [her current love]. It’s clever and meaningful and so good, we were blessed with the harmonies and strings on this one. 

In My Head: 9/10

Doug PREACH, this is one of the only times I will praise speaking samples in music because his part of this song is so good and necessary. Doug telling Ariana ‘enough is enough’ is PEAK reliability and you get a good sense of their friendship and her life at that point in time. The song itself pops off, it takes some of the previous ‘pete’ concepts of ‘i thought you into my life’ and develops it into this idea that she actually created that version of that person and how detrimental that can be. I think we’ve all created a vision of a person in our heads before and can relate to the concept. The lyrics are good, and the melodies and vocals are good. Mostly on this one I like the concepts that arise in the lyrics. It also lyrically ties to why try with the demons and angels visuals which i cant get enough of even if ariana shits on why try. I even enjoy (and laugh at) the scoot scoot part. It’s just a good ass r&b song that I thoroughly enjoy. 

7 Rings: 1/10

Listen, do I sing along to this song: Yes. Does that mean I think it’s good music? No. I dont like the concept nor the unoriginality of the verses just being a big sample from another song. I dont care about this flex, and I dont relate. Ariana is too rich and always has been so this song holds more jealousy and distaste for me. I don’t mind the ‘you like my hair?’ lyric but I do know about the controversy with that black woman who sang that lyric about weave and imo it’s a whole ass messssssss. The review of this song by itself could be a whole post but I’ll leave it with just saying I don’t like it. 

Thank U, Next: 10/10

A sweetheart. Really the only pop song on the album, and just a good song. It’s a classic successful max martin song, and I like the self love addition to the lyrics. It’s finally a song that ISNT about penis in vag and I was very excited when it came out. This song is going to get overplayed soon but I’m very proud of it as her first #1, I feel like it’s real and she tried very hard with it. It’s a good concept and aside from not promoting it well, deserves more recognition for the good all-round song it is. Kinda wish the U was a You but this is Ariana so I’ll just live with it. 

Break Up With Your Girlfriend, I’m Bored: 1/10

This song starts hot and a bit like an attack, which is in contrast to the likes of Bad Idea which is a softer but still strong start. My opinions on the MV aside, it’s catchy but it’s basic. This is probably the least produced song on the album imo, and is what people would expect of her probably. It’s darker and I don’t go out of my way to play it. I do like the chorus and would sing along, but it doesn’t thrill me. I think it’s kinda funny? But unfortunately the song is not meant in satire. Also the title is just too damn long. 

Overall:

The album is still new to me but it has a few really redeemable songs on it. I’ve said it before but my view on it is of this album being a kinda darker side B of sweetener. I think it’s sonically cohesive as an album, only thank u next the title track really sounds different from the themes of the rest of the album. I was pleasantly surprised by the lyrics on this album, and how several of the concepts were a step away from basic fucking tracks. I dont hate it or think it’s a bad album but coupled with sweetener you can definitely see a strong move away from pop or anything ballad-y which would make any sort of good use of her voice which is a shame because she has the talent for broadway, not rap. Ariana’s career mistakes aside, it’s as good an album as I would expect to see from her at this stage and she is definitely getting more confident in sharing real parts of her life in music which is positive. 

[monkeyspawnskydiamond]

Don’t ask me to feel sorry for my rapist - Nina Funnell

Nine years ago I threatened to kill a man. I did not know his name or anything about him. And yet when I threatened to kill him, I meant it.

To this day I still wonder what would have happened if, by some fluke, the box-cutter had made its way into my own hand.

I wonder if I would have pressed the cold blade against his throat, as he had done to me just moments prior. I wonder if I would have found it in me to stab him as he lay there on top of me, strangling me, bashing me, indecently sexually assaulting me.

I still don’t know.

What I do know is that by threatening to end his life, I saved my own.

I know that if I hadn’t wrestled him for the box-cutter, if I hadn’t screamed and kicked and thrashed about like a wounded animal, I might not have survived the night.

I do not say this to imply that women who have acted any differently in sexual assault situations have done the wrong thing. On the contrary, a different perpetrator might have killed me on the spot for fighting.

So my story is neither cautionary nor instructive. It’s just my story and there is no way to tell it without including certain details.

I was 23-years-old and an honours student at the University of Sydney. I’d woken up that morning and showered like I would have on any other day. The only thing that was different about this particular morning was that it was the day of my honours presentation — a day I had been working towards for months. It should have ended in celebration and elation.

Instead it ended with me at a police station.

I’d gone out for some drinks after class had finished (yes, I was drinking, as women are permitted to do from time to time) and I was making the 20 minute walk home to my parent’s place in Sydney’s lower north shore.

I was a few hundred metres from my front door when I was suddenly attacked from behind.

A solid-built man I had never seen before had seized me. He held a box-cutter blade to my throat and began dragging me into an adjacent park.

I didn’t see or hear him coming as I was listening to music from earphones. (Later I would be told that this was just one of the many reasons why I was to blame for his decision to attack.)

He then said point blank: “I am going to kill you”.

He punched me in the face and the force of the blow was so powerful that it knocked me off my feet and onto my back.

I lay in the dirt, immobilised by fear, as he moved on top of me. They call this the “freeze response” and I have since learnt that most sexual assault victims experience this sort of shock and paralysis.

Then I felt the life being choked out of me. His hand was on my throat, my trachea was being crushed, and I could taste blood in my mouth. I was also vaguely aware of a deep pain beginning to grow in my shoulders and back.

Hours later at Gladesville police station I’d be photographed and swabbed. I’d be asked to go into a small room and remove my top. Once in there, I would examine my body in the mirror and find what would soon become dark bruising across my back — bruising that was apparently caused by large, protruding tree roots that had been grinding into my back while the weight of my attacker’s body pushed my flesh into them.

During the assault though, I didn’t process that sort of detail. All I could think was “How can this be happening to me? Is this for real?”

Then my mind went somewhere else altogether. I shut my eyes tight and an old, forgotten memory played like a video before my eyes. I remembered being a young girl, maybe six or seven years in age. I was standing in that same park and I was watching my older brother play soccer on the field. I remembered how at half time, I’d eaten quartered oranges with him and it had made me feel special that he’d included me and talked to me with his older friends around.

That was it. That was the simple memory that I shut my eyes and held on to. It seems odd, doesn’t it? That a man is trying to rape and kill you and you think about eating quartered oranges with your big brother.

I’ve since been told that my brain was valiantly trying to protect me from the trauma of what was occurring to me. In transporting me to another time and place — a safer time and place — it was trying to shield me from what was happening.

And yet, just as quickly as I’d slipped into that dissociative state, I slipped back out of it again. And when I did, I found myself looking directly into my attacker’s face which was only inches away from my own.

His grasp was still on my throat. I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t move. I felt a sharp pain across my body and I remember thinking: “I don’t want to die. Not like this”.

****

When it comes to sexual assault, women are forever being asked “why didn’t you say no?” or “why didn’t you fight back?”

As though a rapist would ever listen.

As though victims are the ones who should be responsible for preventing the violence we experience.

If you really want to know why most women don’t fight back, it’s because of one of two things: we are either immobilised by fear, or we assume that fighting back will make things worse. This is, after all, something that has been drummed in to us all from a very tender age.

But that night I did fight back, not at first, and not because I am courageous. The only reason I fought was because adrenaline took over and I had nothing to lose.

My mind had eventually caught up and computed that I was in a kill-or-be-killed situation. And if I was going to die anyway, why not fight the f***er? Get his DNA if nothing else.

I began thrashing and resisting, and then I exploded yelling “I’m going to kill you first”.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

I’ll never forget the look of shock and surprise on his face when I said that. What I don’t remember, is exactly what happened in the next few moments.

Again, this is not uncommon. The nature of trauma means that survivors often have memory gaps or recollections that don’t add up. One counsellor explained that if your memory is like a filing cabinet system, a traumatic event will effectively toss all the files onto the floor, mess them around, and then shove them back in.

Some files get lost. Others get out of order.

She also told me that she’s never once met a sexual assault survivor who had perfect, chronological recall.

Such is the nature of trauma.

And yet I’ve also been told that if I ever do go to court, defence lawyers will almost certainly try to use my memory gaps against me.

I can look forward to some smug lawyer arrogantly trying to discredit me by painting me as an “unreliable witness”. The fact that I’m even classified as a “witness” frustrates me to tears. I wasn’t sitting outside my body, eating popcorn watching this happen from the sidelines. It was painful. It hurt. I didn’t “witness” violence, I endured it.

I’ve also been advised that in addition to my memory gaps, the fact that I had been drinking that night will almost certainly be used against me.

I’ll be painted as licentious. As slutty. As stupid. As a liar.

But to be very clear, my memory gaps are not evidence that I am lying. To the contrary, they are evidence of the traumatic nature of the violence I have experienced.

So here is what I do remember from that point on. I remember a sudden feeling of lightness on my chest and an awareness that there wasn’t a heavy body on me anymore. I have no recollection of climbing to my feet but I do remember being in a standing position and noticing a small amount of blood on my hand. I remember wondering if it was my blood or his (this would later turn out to be a defensive wound.) Then I remember picking up my bag and reaching for my mobile and dialling triple 0.

****

I wasn’t technically raped that night. And boy do people love to remind me of that.

“I know what happened is bad and all, but he didn’t actually, you know, get it up you, did he?”

This was the question put to me by a male manager at my casual job, a week after the assault took place. My bruises hadn’t even disappeared but the implication was clear: if there’s no P-in-V, it’s not so bad, is it?

Sure, I’d been indecently sexually assaulted, physically assaulted, strangled, told I would be killed, and held at blade point. But in a phallocentric world, sexual violence isn’t measured by the trauma the victim experiences, but by the perpetrator’s assessment of the event: and if the penis didn’t get its way? Then what right should I have to expect the same supports and police resourcing that a “real rape victim” would get?

This wasn’t the only insensitive comment people made.

“You’re a pretty girl, you know. You could take it as a compliment that he selected you.” (This piece of unsolicited advice was kindly offered by a female journalist working for a women’s magazine).

“You have to admit Nina, you were pretty stupid for walking home alone”. (This gem was offered by an old friend I went to school with.)

One woman asked in all seriousness: “Do you ever think this might not have happened if you had a closer relationship with God?”

Another woman took the time and trouble to email me to inform me that she had real pity for me until, that was, she learnt that I had been “doing all the wrong things”.

Since then, I’ve been told it’s my fault for drinking. My fault for listening to music. My fault for travelling alone (as though women should only ever venture out in public if they are in the company of a chaperone).

People have called me a liar and an attention seeker.

I’ve had one stranger persistently request that I share the police photos taken that night with him.

I’ve had other strange men send me messages of sympathy, immediately followed up with a sunny little dick-pic. For condolence, I guess. (No, I do not want to commiserate with your boner).

I’ve had schools ask me if I will come speak to their female students about the “risky situations” that women put themselves in (no, I won’t, don’t ask me again).

I’ve been asked whether the problem lies in girls “not respecting themselves” (and here I was thinking that my assault happened because my attacker has no respect for women, for me, or for my right to live a life free of sexual violence.)

I’ve also had someone suggest that the poor guy probably “just had no money, otherwise he would have gone to a prostitute”. As though sexual violence isn’t about power and control at all, but a man’s simple desire to have certain sexual needs met.

Over and over I have been asked the questions that so many other survivors have also been asked: “What were you wearing? How much did you have to drink? Don’t you know how stupid you were being?”

And each and every one of these questions (and so many more) serve to silence women. They do this by deflecting attention away from the actions and choices of perpetrators, and by insinuating that women are responsible for the violence we have experienced.

And finally there was this remark made by some clever chap who wanted to discuss my attack online:

“What a conceited bitch for thinking she’s even worthy of rape. The guy just probably wanted to give her a good bashing in which case job well done.”

Charming stuff, isn’t it?

Of course, this is only a fraction of what women deal with when we speak out publicly about sexual violence. And in many ways my own assault was easier to speak out about than many others. That’s because I was assaulted by a stranger and there was physical violence involved. But most victims aren’t assaulted by strangers and rarely are there physical signs of violence, and this makes it even harder to be believed.

And this is why so women stay silent. Why so many choose not to report.

It’s also why perpetrators feel so entitled to keep on offending: because our society continually affirms for them that women are in the wrong. That women are untrustworthy. That stranger-danger rape is the only “legitimate rape”. That women make-up sexual abuse in order to assuage sexual regret. That the word of a man is worth far more than the word of woman.

Over the last week I, along with so many others, have read the extraordinary victim impact statement made by the young woman who was raped by Brock Turner behind a dumpster at Stanford University.

Her words resonate deeply.

In addition to exposing the systemic victim-blaming that occurs when survivors disclose, she has also elucidated all the ways that perpetrators attempt to minimise responsibility, shift blame and discredit victims.

Her analysis of how some media will humanise perpetrators (by including references to their skills, hobbies or interests) while reducing victims to nothing more than invisible, silent “others” is equally compelling.

And in her words so many survivors the world over have found recognition and comfort. They’ve also found the courage to speak out and own their status as survivor.

I suspect this is because she is radically rewriting ideas about victimhood.

In the cultural conscience, victims are often presented as broken, voiceless and downtrodden. At best, we are pitied. At worst, we are despised and devalued as “damaged goods”.

Yet though her victim impact statement she has debunked those stereotypes and advanced a new image of a survivor who is intelligent, articulate, analytical, insightful, bold, brave, reflective and persuasive.

Her words are resilient, strong, and hopeful. She reminds me that even though my assailant has never been caught, and even though I am yet to have my day in court, recovery and hope is possible, and above all, I am not alone.

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/dont-ask-me-to-feel-sorry-for-my-rapist/news-story/36d4af5f0cc287ba53eeb163bbe28841