#Nicky’s just happy they won the game and doesn’t question it

[oscarwyldd]

I always wonder how Neil would tell the foxes about Riko after the tower scene. Like Neil had his evil little grin on and everyone’s just kinda like ????

Does anyone know any good fics on this 👀

[youknow-igetit]

heres the thing

like, baltimore happened. right? right.

but like, absolutely none of the foxes believe that andrew and neil are together. like romantically. (it’s mildly plausible that they could have sexual relations with one another but it’s literally only allison that thinks that, and even she’s doubtful.)

(renee is the only outlier here but she doesn’t comment on any of it because she doesnt have a death wish because she’s andrew’s friend)

(maybe also aaron but he thinks they just fuck)

what with neil’s insistence on not swinging and andrews... andrewness, it makes no sense that they’d actually be together

they never touch whatsoever. no kissing (no evidence of kissing), no hugging, no hand-holding, nothing. not even an accidental bumping of knees between the two of them.

kevin refuses to talk to them about the topic, but nicky is a very talkative person. “I live in the same dorm as them. but i’ve never seen anything even slightly coupley.”

even allison is beginning to doubt herself.

by their second year most of the foxes have come to the conclusion that they just said it to get the foxes out of neil’s love life and to make them tolerate andrew at least a little more

like, of course they think that neil and andrew are friends, at least, no one could get that close to the little knife-wielding maniac andrew and not have some sort of connection

also they talk to each other a lot. andrew hardly talks to anyone else. the foxes interpret that as they 

but they kind of just brush it aside until it’s new year’s eve and all of the original foxes are there (because they’re not letting neil leave them again)

andrew and neil are off smoking and nicky’s like “okay guys a new bet.”

so nicky thinks that they’re together, full stop (because he’s lived with andrew for years he knows that he shows his affection differently). 

aaron thinks they’re just fucking and so does allison (one of the few times they have ever agreed on anything)

matt, dan, and kevin all think that they’re just close friends (because kevin is probably thinking about their exy careers and also the internalized homophobia that the nest drilled into him for years is still there)

renee isn’t a part of it (obviously)

and so the bet finally begins

neil and andrew probably know about it, but they also have no idea who thinks what and they also don’t really care. they know. that’s all that matters. they’re a very private people.

none of the freshman even know that andrew and neil are together in the first place, so they definitely don’t know about the bet

so the foxes start watch andrew and neil just a little bit more closely but they’re still not seeing anything different than how they acted before they were ‘out’

it isn’t until the next october that they get anything

they’re all in the girl’s suite (now only dan and allison, renee graduated the year before)

it’s all of the foxes, the new freshmen and the now-sophomores (bonding exercise, dan told neil. you’re all gonna be there) and all of the original ones

they’re all hanging out and some people are chatting but it’s kinda lame

so allison’s like “fuck it, we’re all playing never have i ever.”

they establish things such as if you feel uncomfortable revealing anything you don’t have to, no singling people out, etc

so the game begins and there’s the usual tame questions like “never have i ever skateboarded” and such

but it slowly delves into the more revealing things, like “never have i ever broken the law” (and nearly all of the foxes drink because they’re foxes)

but jack, the asshole, goes “never have i ever sucked dick”

nicky, obviously take a big gulp. and allison, dan, matt (”what?? i was experimental in high school”), andrew, kevin (everyone kinda knows about the hookup culture that the nest had, so whatever), and many of the freshmen and sophomores drink as well. and, astoundingly, so does neil

nicky literally gasps, allison coughs on her drink, the rest of the original foxes simply gape (except for kevin, who swears loudly) because there was no one that neil would give a blowjob to besides andrew

neil, completely unblushingly, goes “what?” at all of his speechless friends (except for kevin, who is still swearing. it was only twenty dollars that he lost, but still). andrew, next to him, has the same bored expression

so matt, kevin, and dan have already lost the bet, even if it’s still going strong

but eventually they’re all like okay yeah, whatever, they’re fucking, but that’s it

except nicky

so it basically all of the foxes trying to get neil (not andrew, andrew’s scary) that it’s a fwb thing without explicitly asking outright

but every time matt asks how his thing with andrew is going he just kinda shrugs and goes back to what he was doing because it hasn’t really changed much except they trust each other a lot more, both emotionally and physically but neil’s not gonna tell anyone that

so allison’s like “got any dick recently?” and neil’s like”???? yeah?? i guess???”

but suddenly it’s andrew’s fifth year and nearly all of the original foxes have graduated and the bet is still there, obviously, but it’s come to the point that if they stay together after andrew graduates then nicky’s right and he wins the bet

but it’s before that that shit goes down

so it’s spring break, and they’re all at the cabin that they went to that first time (i like to think that it becomes a tradition and no matter what, all the foxes are there every year)

so  it’s the third night and things are... tense

it’s not that andrew and neil are being quiet, since they usually don’t talk a lot, but the air around them seems charged, like a bomb about to go off

they’re all gathered around, sitting on assorted furniture or the floor, and their all conversing quietly and dan gets up, grabs an assorted but large selection of alcohols, and sets them on the coffee table, declaring that they’re going to play drinking games and absolutely no one can sit out (glaring pointedly at neil, who looks ready to bolt. he hasn’t had that expression on his face for years. they all hate it.)

it is, again, during a game of never have i ever, when things come to a crescendo

they’re all mildly tipsy at this point of the night, and neil and andrew are sitting on the same loveseat, but nearly as far away from each other as possible (they’re still playing, since dan insisted, and despite her having not been their captain for two years, she is still mentally their captain)

allison, because she felt emotional or it’s just the alcohol, goes “never have i ever been in love”

and dan and matt share dopey smiles as they both drink, aaron drinks, nicky stares off into space while drinking, thinking only of erik, and kevin takes a hesitant sip from his

its silent for a full second before neil, with a determined look on his face, looks andrew in the eye and takes a huge mouthful of the alcohol and swallows

no one says anything either from knowing better than to say anything or being physically incapable of speech

neil and andrew maintain eye contact before andrew, andrew, picks up his own drink and drains his glass

as if rehearsed, they both get up at the same time and storm outside onto the deck, slamming the door and shaking the paintings on the walls

it’s a terse silence as they hear faint voices arguing but it isn’t until they fall silent that kevin gets up to investigate but then immediately goes to sit back down after one glance out of the window

he picks up a bottle of vodka and drinks directly from it before going “they’re fine”

“how do you know?” matt asks tentatively

“because they’re making out”

the room is silent again, surprise coloring the air

and then

“pay up, bitches”

Nicky is very pleased upon knowing that his cousin actually does have someone to love and so does neil his adopted son but also that he won six hundred dollars (”I never should have fucking bet that much” allison muttered later)

and for the rest of their vacation everyone’s happy and fine and dandy and they all ignore those hickeys on andrew’s neck

[honestlyzenoouh]

So Hold Me Close

This came to me after i read this post, and my brain went “no, you do it because you have small legs and can’t keep up with your bf” and thus this was born.

Now also on AO3

*****

Neil is a little bewildered. He is not at all complaining about this new development in his relationship with Andrew, just a little confused. Andrew has gotten a little, how do you say it delicately; clingy, after they won the championship. The other foxes hasn’t commented on it yet, but they might not have noticed it. Neil has though. By god has Neil noticed it. Luckily, he doesn’t feel smothered by the clinginess, but it seems like he can’t be more than a couple feet away from Andrew now, before his eyebrow furrowed the smallest amount together. And if enough time passes with neither of them moving closer, Andrew shifts the slightest bit towards which ever direction Neil is in. 

Okay, the couple of feet is a bit of an overstatement, when in reality it’s 8 feet and 2 inches. Neil knows, he tested it. Kevin was looking on in severe judgement that day, what with Neil moving half an inch away from Andrew, who was sat gaming with Nicky, waiting a few seconds before glancing at his face to see his reaction. The pinch came at 8 feet even, and the shift came at the infamous 8 feet and two inches. 

And again, it’s not as if Neil is complaining. It’s always nice to be able to look around, and be able to immediately spot him. Safe even. But that is not what has gotten Neil confused, oh no, the closeness is just on observation. What Neil is having a hard time wrapping his head around is the fact that Andrew has gotten handsy.

But it’s not even the normal handsy he sees from other couple’s PDA. No, there is no hands on his hips, he isn’t casually touching his ass like Matt sometimes does to Dan, nor is he absentmindedly petting his hair like Allison did to Seth. No, he just. Wants to hold his hand. Or his arm. Or on bad days, his sweater sleeve. And Neil doesn’t get it. He doesn’t mind it, really he doesn’t! Andrew always asks first, or just straight up offers his hands to Neil, and Neil somehow always find himself saying yes and taking his hand, even though he doesn’t get his newfound clinginess. 

Neil would just have just put it down as a weird form of affection from Andrew. With both of their shitty childhood, general emotional constipation and mistrust of most physical touch, handholding was an acceptable first type of affection. That is, if it wasn’t for the pattern he noticed 3 weeks after the first incident of handholding.

Andrew doesn’t seem to need to hold his hand when they are staying somewhere. Like if they are in the locker room or in any of the foxes room, the 8 feet and 2 inches seems to be enough for Andrew’s clinginess. But whenever they are going somewhere, it literally doesn’t matter where, Andrew hand shoots out after 15 seconds of walking, and he only lets go when they have reached their destination. Sometimes that is. He has started to linger a little, and by now the other foxes has undoubtedly noticed. They still haven’t said anything, though it looks like Allison really wants to sometimes. And it’s not like she can corner Neil alone to get some answers that way, what with the 8 feet two inches.  

It is two weeks after the pattern revelation that Neil finally finds the courage to ask Andrew about it. Just because he doesn’t get it, doesn’t mean he dislikes holding hands with Andrew. He’s actually come to really like it, and what if Andrew stops if he points it out? But he needs answers now, and if Nicky’s few comments on the matter only resulted in scowls and grunts, Neil feels a bit reassured. So they are sitting on the roof, sharing a single cigarette between them, and looking out over the campus. Neil steels himself, gathers his last bit of bravery and opens his mouth. “Andrew?”

Andrew shifts his head towards Neil, indicating he’s listening, and Neil starts to play with his own fingers. A couple more seconds go by, and Neil thinks he has formulated his question harmlessly.

“Why can’t you be more than 8 feet and 2 inches away from me?” Andrew inhales his next lungful of smoke a bit to suddenly, and freezes for maybe two seconds before he exhales. “Riko.” Is all he answers. Neil mulls over his answer for a bit, but can’t find an explanation within it. “What?” he prompts confused.

Andrew exhales again, and Neil could see his arm flexing from the corner of his eyes. Whatever Andrew was about to say, wasn’t something he was happy having to share, but technically, it was his turn in their truths game, and it seemed Andrew knew that as well. 

“I was 8 feet and 2 inches away from you when Riko swung.” Now it was Neils turn to freeze. That admission floored Neil, not having excepted such a thought-out answer. Gearing up answer, or maybe getting Andrew to elaborate, he got cut off, because apparently Andrew wasn’t finished yet. He took yet another breath and continued, “Evermore I was not present for, and Binghamton I had you out of my sight for 5 seconds to check on Nicky and you were gone. But with 8 feet and 2 inches I could get to you.” It was quiet for what felt like hours afterwards, with Neil processing and Andrew quietly chain smoking. 

“Oh” Was Neil’s answer maybe 4 cigarettes later. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but he also wanted to acknowledged Andrews vulnerability. Andrew shrugged, and Neil finally looked over at him and saw how tense he was. Not really knowing how to make the situation better with words, Neil slowly reached his left hand towards the blond boy, offering the same kind of comfort Andrew has had lately.

Andrew looked from his hand, and up to his face so Neil offered him a small smile and wiggled his fingers a small bit. Andrew huffed at him, but took his hand and intertwined their fingers. With his hand in his, Neil remembered his initial question and kinda blurted it out,

“But what’s with the handholding then? I get the distance, I’m kind of a trouble magnet, but why hold my hand? That doesn’t seem necessary.” Andrew huffed out his version of a self deprecating laugh. “You are fast, and have longer legs than me.”

“So what? The handholding is just you making sure we are walking in the same tempo, and you don’t lose me in a crowd?” 

“Maybe not so stupid after all” At this point that is just flat out slander against Neil Josten.

*****

I have no clue how to end this, so I give you this! There you go, hope you like it. This is my first completed and posted fic

[themoonwheniamlost]

Okay. Here we go. A.K.A. I hurt myself and also I hate it here.

So out of everything that decided to come for my neck yesterday, (Superman Yusuf, Dance AU, Boopley/Coper, ect.) 

Book of the Nile won because of these posts, (x), (X), (X), (x) 

So here’s this One-shot so that I can move on with my life and finish my other fics!

There is a NSFW section in between the asterisks. ***

So she works at him. They spend days pouring over new technologies, better ways to case targets, and hide resources. Days where they drink nothing but tea because his hands are shaking for a bottle but she reminds him how proud she is of him. Days where they talk about family and trying to find a place to stay after losing everything. They talk about these things with the whole team of course. But sometimes. Sometimes they are just Nile and Sebastièn. Talking on the couch at 3 am, knees brushing, eyes soft. 

The first thing Nile notices is how he watches her. Booker’s eyes are heavy enough for her to feel them but he always turns away when she looks back. She wonders if he knows how young it makes him. He must have noticed the trembling feeling, the slight shift in the air when they share the same space. But neither of them is ready. So they wait.

They wait and it takes years. She has to push him on almost everything. They talk about how he has to stop calling her a kid, how she’s there for him just like the rest of their team, their family. He’s gotten better, he’s done some healing, but orbiting around JoeandNicky, QuynhandAndy can hurt sometimes. Whether that hurt is envy or remorse, she doesn’t always know. But if Nile knows about anything its dedication.

The change comes when they start to talk about purpose, belonging. Nile talks about having to fight her entire life. Sebastièn tells her of fighting and fleeing. If he couldn’t save his sons, how can he save anyone else? Does he even deserve to? She feels like she abandoned her family. And no matter how much money she squirrels away to them it will never be enough. She won’t ever be with them again. They cry together, and nothing else is said. Because some grief you cannot get over you just get used to living with.

Nile tries to show him that they have a family to lean on. Here and now, his grief isn’t a weakness and he doesn’t have to hide it. Nile and Andy take bets on when Nicky will finally be able to talk to Booker, Quynh mentions having seen Booker and Joe watching the game, but at intermission butting their heads together to talk and giggle like little boys. It’s good to see him growing.

Nile grows too. They train her all the time. About pressure points and poison and wrestling holds. Nile asks for a set of broadswords. The team all take turns teaching her something. This is not to say that she doesn’t miss her old life, but she is steady and reveling in the new one. She feels alive and ready to topple anything in her way.

Booker remembers that first conversation when Nile held her hand in the fire just to see what would happen. To test herself. He does not want to be another flame to her if all he does is rend her flesh. He thinks about keeping her warm, about the gold tones of her skin in the glow. He is trying to find out if he is worthy enough for such a treasure. If nothing else, surely he can tell her, in small ways at least, of the fire he sees in her, the fire she lights in him.

The energy between them changes, deepens after her thirtieth immortal birthday. They throw a seven-person party. They take a moment to be silent over the chair. And then they start passing each other fresh bread and warmer smiles. They all give her gifts. Nicky and Joe give her a pass to an art seminar she talked about. Andy and Quynh give her a new set of throwing daggers, and the promise that when she’s mastered them they’ll talk about the broad sword. Copley gives her a new drawing tablet and a better analog camera. 

Booker gives her a tiny box the color of a blue robin egg.

The white letters “Tiffany” shock her. Inside is a rose gold locket, with pictures of her family. She sheds a few tears, he nods and they move on. Three bottles of wine and a ridiculous game of twister later, they all head to their rooms. Booker waits, clears the table, washes dishes, listens to make sure he is the last one there with her. He watches the line of her back for a moment, while she takes the gift out of its box.

“Will you help me put it on?” Nile is turning the locket over, holding the chain tight between her fingers.

He says nothing, just takes the chain from her hand, and drapes it around her neck. When it’s done he hooks a finger under her chin and moves her head back and forth. 

“Just like I thought. It fits you,” he lets her go to take a step back. He does not expect her hug but finds that he cannot help but return it. He presses his nose into the hair at her temple, nuzzles there while she squeezes his ribs. She whispers, “Thank you.”

Sebastièn holds her closer and says, “Happy Birthday Queen.” It is thanks enough to hear her laugh. 

 Nile doesn’t know what she expected to happen, but it wasn’t this. Not this subtle dragging kindness. Sebastièn starts complimenting her, seemingly at random. It’s not new per se, he’s done it since the beginning really. But soon Nile notices that the compliments are different. Measured. 

Sebastièn watches her, mumbles “I like it when you wear your hair that way.” Four days later she finds a small bag of gold beads for her braids. 

She’s been working on an oil painting all week when he says quietly, “Your style is starting to stand out more. I like the theme of water that you use.” The next morning there are new bangles on her side table.

One time they are helping Nicky in the kitchen when she cuts herself. Booker puts her hand under the tap and says, “For the brain of this outfit you sure are clumsy.” 

When she goes to bed that night there is a small antique ring on her pillow. Nile has questions. So the next day Nile does what she always does in these moments. She goes to Andy. A sparring session may be the wrong time to ask, but here they are.

Andy knocks her flat on her back and says,  “No. Absolutely not, ask him about it and leave me out.” 

 Quynh laughs, “Nile the ring probably means something. Which means you should talk to Joe and Nicky.”

So she does. After dinner, she asks them to walk her to the plaza to paint. They share a look and start putting on their coats. As they walk through the town she mostly listens to them talk, too busy turning the problem over in her head to be really engaged. When they get to their favorite bench in the plaza, they sit down with her in between them. 

“So are we going to keep talking about textile art? Or is our little sister ready to talk to us about love ah? About romance?”

“Amore we cannot tease her. At least not too much!” Nile pretends to slide off the bench while they laugh.

“This is why I always talk to Andy first!,” They kiss her cheeks and squeeze her arms. Joe says, 

“You know Andy! She’s very old, and can’t die. So you can imagine the kind of stress she’s under.”

They laugh together, give her time to breathe with them. Then they listen to her. Nile talks about how it has always been different with Booker, how they watch each other so often. The early morning conversations. They trust each other now. Warmth is growing between them. So that’s why she worries about the gifts. 

They’re beautiful! Yet she feels as if they are in the place of his affection rather than an extension of it. She asks her brothers why Booker thinks he has to buy her love? Does she seem that shallow? They tell her that isn’t the reason, that is more that Booker doesn’t think he can, or should, give her his affection. Which doesn’t make any sense so she just puts her hands out in frustration. 

Joe seems to be stumbling around saying something. Nicky keeps frowning. Nile watches them have a silent conversation when suddenly Nicky goes very still and looks away from them. Eventually, he is the one who explains it to her. 

“When you love someone… after you’ve done terrible things. After you’ve carried anger and bitterness inside of you for so long, you feel like you’ll break everything you touch. Like your hands aren’t worthy to hold your beloved, because you aren’t even worth the breaths you take. How dare you think to sully their beauty with your hands. The most expensive gift in the world is nothing in comparison to the worth of them in your life. So you don’t love them openly, You hoard your love, then try to show it anyway without putting yourself in the picture.” 

Nile watches Nicky look out at the stars. She turns to see Joe looking right back at her. They nod. Nile stands and moves to the other side of Nicky and pushes him into Joe. 

She opens her mouth to ask how Joe did it when she feels his hand on her head. She leans closer to them, turns into the arm Nicky holds around her, and listens. 

“It may take a while,” Joe is patting her head softly while he speaks. “You will have to remind him that love is not earned, it is given. You will have to tell him that hurting himself hurts you. You will have to remind him that you make your own choices and that you’ve chosen him. You have to have faith that he knows you belong together. There is hope yet, and I do not think it will take you so long as us.” 

“Why is that?”

“Because my darling river, the ring he gave you says *Adore.* And that is moving much faster than we ever did.”

She looks at them again. Watching the way they lean into each other. These men who have gone through so much together and still love so fiercely. She thinks of Sebastièn’s arms when he holds her, the way they can banter, the way it feels when he trusts her with his secrets. She thinks of how safe she is with him, how she trusts him. How long it’s taken them to get this far at all. She decides that its time to take the next step forward to their future.

Nile isn’t one to wait long once she’s made a decision. So the next morning when she comes down for breakfast, she is wearing every gift he has given her. Before he can say anything she slips away to the study, then passes him again to sit at the table next to Quynh.

She is constantly surprising him, this woman. He watches her come into the room and he probably stops breathing. She is beautiful, shining in pink and gold. He wishes for Joe’s skill in art so that he could capture the way she looks now. Sebastièn feels as if she is walking through the room with his lungs in her hands. She does not acknowledge him any differently than usual, she just says, 

“Good morning Book.”

And what? What is he supposed to do? He never thought that she would truly acknowledge him this way. He’d hoped but… He is watching her move past the table when he catches Nicky’s eye. Watches him drag a thumb across his neck. Booker looks to Joe, but they can’t make eye contact without laughing. It’s not perfect, but it is something, and Booker will take what he can get.

After everyone disperses for the day, Quynh and Andy sit in the study with him. He hasn’t read a single word on the page open in his lap. 

“Are you ready for this? Have you talked to her? Told her what you want?”

“Andy. I’ll take whatever she gives me and nothing more. I’m not sure that I’m not dreaming right now.” 

Quynh, taking a drink from his cup says, “She told me about her plans. Get ready.”

Booker has no idea how to do that. Nile is the first person to make him want to be ready to live, not just yearn for death. He is a bit scared of her to be honest. But he has read enough books, studied the world long enough to remember that water leads to creation. He wants to know what she will make of him.

She figures the best way for him to know that he doesn’t have to buy her love, is for her to show him. So she starts to leave notes in the books he’s reading. The first thing she leaves him is Barter by Sara Teasdale. 

“Spend all you have for loveliness, Buy it and never count the cost; For one white singing hour of peace, Count many a year of strife well lost, And for a breath of ecstasy, Give all you have been, or could be”

In return she finds Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet XI in her jacket. From then on it is a game of truth or dare. Endless excerpts of Chaucer and Wilde. Nile leaves her annotated copies of Angelou, Baldwin and Dumas around the house. Laughs when she cannot find them again.  There are so many words scattered and building between them, but they have spoken none of them aloud. It is a hovering cloud of sticky scared desire. She keeps playing the game anyway.

Booker wants to know her mind. So he steals her books and in their places leaves her more adornments and words from much better poets than he. A section of Milton and a silver anklet. A page of Naidu and a small jade necklace. He gives back her Angelou, but with a new gold cross inside. A book of Sappho, with pressed flowers. E. E. Cummings and a new set of paints.

He hopes that she knows what it means to him. The ability to read her. The things she says without moving her mouth. The way she will talk shop or sit in silence with him. They way she trusts him. He hopes she cannot see how much he follows her presence through the house. 

Upping the stakes, Nile starts to touch him more and more often. She holds his wrist to pull him into the car. A hand on his shoulder as she leaves the table. Her favorite perfume just before she hugs him good night. She pretends not to notice how he turns his face into her neck, how he tenses and bends under her hands. No need to tell him that he folds for her like molding clay until their tenth anniversary. At least that’s the advice she gets from Quynh.

It is somewhat of a team effort, enfolding them together. A charade in small acts. Andy helps her find the books he still wants for their collection. Nile and Joe spend hours debating the virtues of different kinds of prose while they sketch and paint. It soothes a small ache in her heart when Nicky and Quynh snatch her away for midnight ice cream, reminds her of her little brother. Her new siblings give her lessons on how to tease your lover without showing your hand. Trading embarrassing stories about each other under the eyes of the night.

She plays the game for months, knowing that he needs time, eager to show him that she is a safe place to stay. Eventually she has to go shopping for a new jewelry case, and a new keepsake box. 

They take a trip to the beach. She bought a new swimsuit just to see what he would say. He tells her, 

“It is good to see you happy, Chèrie,” and presses a perfect conch shell into her hands. Now Nile is a patient woman, but even her will is tested when she watches him help a child who swims too far out to sea that day. She watches him hold the boy to his chest, listens to him soothe the boy with a quiet, “You are safe now Mon chou. No more tears hm? Look, here is your mother. Smile for her, mon ours.”

She wonders who this man thinks he is? Realizes that she thinks of him as hers. She watches him move past the shadow of sadness and return to their small portion of the beach. She realizes that she wants his first move to be towards her, always. She says none of this. Instead she tells him that she looks like a drowned rat. Hears him say,

“Better than looking like a boiled lobster, Chèrie.” To which they all look towards Nicky and laugh. Nile laughs even harder when Nicky just responds with a single finger. It is good to see her family together like this. 

It is good. They are good. But she wants more than good. Nile wants more than this silent sharing of words between them. She might do something drastic if Sebastièn doesn’t say something soon.

They’re in the south of France when the tension breaks. She should have seen it coming actually. They’ve finished a quiet job, and everyone is a bit restless.  It’s safe enough to stay in the city so they decide to go to the theatre. A lauded production of Antony and Cleopatra that Joe’s been raving about. When they step out of the car, Nile tries to tuck her hand into the crease of his elbow only to be sent to buy some wine before they’re seated. When she gets back the only one there is Booker.  

He knows what they’re doing of course. Quynh whispers to him about courage, Joe says something about faith. Andy and Nicky nod. Then they leave. It is not that he doesn’t want to tell her, it is that he doesn’t want to hurt her. That he wouldn’t be able to stand losing her when he fucks it up. It fills him with heat and dread to see her coming near. The way she walks, the angle of her chin as she looks for them. The sharpness of her eyes as they settle on him. 

He does not know what he will do if, when, he loses her.  She deserves everything, how can he give her a shell of nothing? There are some days when he feels that he can work towards deserving her. Today is not one of those days.

Nile watches him tighten as she moves close. As they get to their seats, she sees him trying to sit in a chair a space away from her. Thankfully, another patron arrives and Booker is forced to sit next to her. She clenches her jaw and asks, 

“Am I that scary, you don’t even want to sit next to me in a dark room?”

“You are that scary, dark room notwithstanding.” She moves to slap his arm but he catches her fingers in his. The curtains open. In act one Nile waits for him to interlock their fingers, and when he doesn’t, she moves to pull her hand away from his. Onstage, Cleopatra is awaiting word from Antony only to find that he has married Octavia when Sebastien grips her hand harder in his. They do not get up during intermission. They say nothing. But his hand is in hers and his thumb runs over the ring he gave her. Slow and again, his eyes dark in the dim light.

Egypt goes to war with Rome and he brings her hand up to kiss her wrist. Antony is dying, but all Nile can hear is her heart in her throat as she rests her head against his arm. Neither of them truly watches Cleopatra die of the serpents bite. Too busy sharing air and tracing patterns on each other’s forearms. 

The air is tight between them as they leave the theatre. No big declaration. No long conversation about what they mean to each other. Instead, Nile is too busy laughing at what he says about the actor playing Caesar to worry about the rain starting to fall. They walk in the rain for a while before the droplets start to fall like pennies. Booker slips his arm around her waist to shuffle her under an awning.  Trying to shield her face as best he can, he says, 

“Mon étoile, why don’t you wait here while I-”

Their first kiss tastes like rain and softness. Nile grips the arm of his coat and the hair at his nape. He tightens his arm to pull her in tighter, she fits there like she fits into his bones, his spirit. The back of his coat is soaked in rain when he pulls back to clear his throat. 

“Why don’t you stay here while I go get the car?”

“As long as you make it quick.” She is smirking at him now, rubbing the tips of her fingers down his neck. He nods. He is back with the car in three minutes. 

***

Thankfully their path is free of immortals when they reach the house. This means that he can push her against the railing and steal his breath back from her. He is quietly proud that she is already making small sounds of want. He wants to hear pleasure out loud. So he carries her up the rest of the stairs and into her bedroom. 

The first time they make love their skin is still damp from the rain. Sebastièn undresses her with his eyes as much as his hands. Spends aching moments feeling her skin under his fingers, studying her shape in the glow. He thinks of how fitting it is to lay her by the fireplace. To watch her skin under that same glow and to know that she burns for him.

He leaves her jewelry on. It prides him to see her warm and adored. He hears her say, ‘’Hurry up love!” So he doesn’t. 

He takes her slowly. Long moments spent with his mouth on her breast, his scalp tight as she pulled his hair. He tries to cover her skin in his love. He kisses her jaw, her shoulders. He strokes her spine every chance he gets. His hands squeeze her hips, her waist, her ass.  He feels her hands everywhere. She holds his biceps, his neck, his thighs. She kisses him like he stole the air from her lungs and he tries his best to breathe for her in every second. 

When he moves down her body she tightens her thighs around him. He presses a hand under her knee. Moves to put her leg over his shoulder. He stops to bite her calf, to mold his mouth to her ankle. He lays his tongue against her heat until she cries. His tongue traces the words Adore, and L'amour across her lips until all he can taste is the honey she spills. 

He runs his hands over every inch of her that he can reach, and when he’s sure she’s ready he moves his hips to her. Her mouth pressed up to his while he presses into her. He moves slowly to savor it, but cannot resist the heat of her around him. He is probably raining on her with his tears, but he feels her hands and her mouth on his face and knows that it doesn’t matter

Nile is sure that he would have bruises from her hands if they were anyone else. She listens to him whisper in French. Wonders if he knows that she understands when he calls her perfect. That she knows when he thanks her for gifting him a treasure. She rolls her hips into him, shifts their weight to push him flat on his back. She grins down at him and says that he belongs to her now. 

They learn how to move together, not an instant tide. But instead a rhythm that they work for. They are both crying and laughing when the time comes. Her mouth against his neck and his hand rubbing circles against her heat. They lay there, chests heaving and limbs weak for…who knows how long. It could have been minutes, hours while she pushed his hair back and held him close. She would have laid there for days with his head against her breast. His mouth against hers. It is good, so they stay.

***

Two days after watching Antony die from love and hubris, she sees a gilded box from Chaumet at the foot of her bed. Nile opens the box first because she knows that the note is what he really has to say. She puts her newest gifts in her ears and  meets him on the balcony. 

She puts herself into his lap like she belongs there, because she does. He already has breakfast ready for her. Nile looks at the bowl of her favorite fruits, the still-warm egg, the cheese croissant on the table next to his. The first kiss of the day is lazy and long. His hand behind her neck and her nails in his shoulder. Long sweeps of his tongue against hers, a small bite at the corner of her mouth. Their kisses are easy like their laughter, and as patient as the day is long. She pulls back only to look in his eyes. 

“Good morning love,” she runs her nose along his jaw. His answer shakes her into laughter. 

“Good morning Queen,” In her mirth, he presses their heads together, buries his nose behind her ear, breathes in the scent of her. Nile has her hand on his chest, counting the beats of his heart next to hers. There is a bird on their railing, and Sebastian feeds her from his hands as she listens to the bird sing up the dawn. It’s beautiful how much love lies in what he does. She could listen to the song in his chest while the earth makes all its turns.

She knows that eventually they will have to face the rest of their family. Endure their teasing brothers and smirking sisters. There will be hugs and smiles and money exchanged. But right now? Right now she feeds him the taste of strawberries from her tongue. They have time.

There is an unopened note on her bedside table. Later, when they’ve said I love you and promised forever, this is the note she will come back to. A vow that he whispers to her on their journey across centuries. It reads; 

Egypt, thou knew’ st too well, My heart was to thy rudder tied by the’ strings, And thou shouldst tow me after. O’er my spirit Thy full supremacy thou knew’ st, and that Thy beck might from the bidding of the gods, Command me. - You knew just as I, that I have always been yours.

*

Thanks for reading! If you liked it please lmk! My whole kingdom for the best cheerleader/beta/Bestie ever!!! @jesuisnilunnilautre Tysm my love.

I am currently working on my *Save the Ocean/Quynh* and *Fundie Nicky* fics… But after that, what should our next Book of Nile fic be? I made more moodboards. Do we like them? Also here’s the vibes playlist on Spotify.

[mindthekat]

For an Andreil prompt, what about, childhood friends? Or maybe just them going on a date? Oh or Andreil + social media maybe?

okay so neil’s POV is HARD and this is the garbage i came up with? pls be kind

read on a03 | 2132 words | rating: t????

                                                         ______

The thought doesn’t even cross Neil’s mind until Nicky brings it up. They’re all huddled in the girls’ room for Dan-mandated movie night - something about “team bonding” - and Andrew is in an evening session with Bee which leaves Neil at the center of attention. Aaron won choosing rights this week by betting that the freshman wouldn’t even make it through a week of practice before making a “butcher” comment at Neil, which means they’re watching another stupid superhero movie. Neil is bouncing where he’s sitting on the floor in front of the couch, glancing at the clock every five seconds. Something is exploding on screen when Nicky leans over and nudges Neil.

“What, you got a hot date with Andrew or something?”

It shouldn’t strike Neil as odd. The question. The assumption. It’s not like he doesn’t know what dating looks like for other people. He watches Matt and Dan get dressed up on off-weekends and go to dinner or a movie. Katelyn and Aaron have a standing date on Wednesday evenings after practice. But for Neil and Andrew, everything is different. It’s been months since Baltimore but Andrew still barely lets Neil out of his sight. The longest they spend apart is Andrew’s sessions with Bee or when they’re in class and even those hours are an exercise in self-control. It’s like Andrew can’t bear the thought of Neil disappearing on him again. Not after falling to his knees on shitty carpet in a shitty motel in the middle of Baltimore with Neil’s battered and bruised face tucked between his palms. Not after feeling the evidence of Neil’s stupidity and Lola’s insanity under his own fingertips. Not after waking up to Neil trembling and whimpering no, no, no in his sleep.

No, Andrew and Neil don’t do dates. They’ve traded them for promises, and stay, and yes. They trade kisses over the hood of the Maserati and unfinished cigarettes and keys to a house and a heart. Neil isn’t sure what going out to dinner or going to a movie could give him that he isn’t already getting. Because the thing is, Neil is happy for the first time in his life. He’s allowed to want things now.

“What?” He asks Nicky, confusion written all over his face. He spares another glance at the clock, counting down the minutes until Andrew is settled in beside him again, close enough to touch. Close enough to remind Neil that he’s alive and he’s allowed to have this.

“You. Andrew. Dinner and a movie?” Nicky prods, jamming his finger into Neil’s ribcage.

“We’re not..we’re not like that.” Neil stumbles over his words, trying to find the right ones on his tongue.

Before Nicky can poke and prod any further, the door swings open and Andrew makes his way in. The sight of him alone is enough for Neils heart to stutter. Andrews participation in team movie night is never a given. It’s as tentative as his consent is. A yes one day does not guarantee a yes the next day. But his sessions with Bee lately have been leaving him more unpredictable than usual. There’s days where Andrew comes back and won’t want Neil any closer than five feet away from him. There are days where he curls up into Neils space and finds contact with every inch of his body. Toes tucked under Neils thighs while they lounge on the couch. Pinky fingers wrapped around one another while Neil works on his homework and Andrew reads. Fingers wrapped in Neils overgrown curls, mouth pressed to the curve of his throat.

Today, it seems to be the latter. He shuts the door behind him and settles in on the floor next to Neil, burying his fingers in his hair almost immediately. Neil leans into the touch instinctively, without even meaning to. He tucks himself into Andrew’s side and presses a kiss to his temple, earning him a bite to his earlobe in retaliation.

“Shut up and watch the movie.”

                                                          ______

The thought doesn’t cross Neil’s mind again until a week later when Andrew is pressed against him, inch for inch. Andrew’s palms are ghosting over his sides, pressing into the curves of his ribcage and hipbones. He’s mouthing at Neils neck and driving his hips forward and Neil feels like a string pulled taut. Every point of connection between him and Andrew feels like a fire sparking.

“Where’s Kevin?” Neil breathes, squirming under Andrew’s hold on his hips.

“Fuck if I know.” Andrew sucks a fresh hickey into the base of Neil’s throat, next to where another is fading. And fuck, Neil might have a fetish for Andrew’s neck but he sure as hell has no complaints about Andrew’s attention to his.

If someone would have told him a year ago that he would have this, that he would have Andrew and the Foxes and a future, he would have laughed. A year ago there were only minutes and hours. He lived in moments between practice and class and games and lies. He couldn’t imagine weeks or even months into the future. He couldn’t dream of a moment beyond the one he was living in.

Andrew is hot and firm where he’s pressed against Neil, making it nearly impossible to focus on anything but Andrew’s breath and the scrape of teeth across his shoulder.

“Wanna blow you. Yes or no?” Andrew pushes up onto his elbows to level a stare at Neils face, searching for something in his expression. Whatever he finds there and in the breathy Yes that Neil lets out must be enough because he mouths his way down Neils bare chest. He pauses to suck another bruise into his ribcage, running his tongue along the lines of Neil’s ribs.

It’s not often that they find time to do this, take time with one another. Now that practice has started again, night practices have resumed as well. If Kevin isn’t up their asses about running drills, he’s coping with Riko’s death with the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Andrew bites into the soft flesh of Neil’s inner thigh before tonguing at the tip of Neil’s cock. He’s been rock hard since Andrew undressed him but when Andrew swallows down, he nearly whites out at the feeling. He doesn’t last long. He never does when Andrew works him up first but i when he comes he shakes under Andrew’s hands.

“Can I-“

“Shoulders only and don’t watch.” Andrew says through gritted teeth before Neil can even finish his question.

It’s like this most often, Andrew getting himself off above Neil. There are bad days, days where Andrew kicks Neil out of the room or retreats to the bathroom to take care of his own arousal but most days it’s like this. Andrew holds himself up on one elbow while Neil runs his fingers across Andrew’s shoulders. Andrew’s other hand dips below the waistband of his sweatpants and minutes later, he’s burying his face into Neil’s neck and his entire body goes rigid above Neil.

After they’ve showered, they settle against one another in the bottom bunk, Andrew’s back to the wall and Neil tucked against Andrew’s chest.

“Andrew?” Neil asks sleepily, just on the edge of being awake.

“Unf.” Andrew grunts in response.

“Would you want to go on a date sometime?”

Andrew’s even breath against Neil’s neck is the only sound in the room for what feels like hours until Neil realizes that Andrew has fallen asleep. His hand is still wound tight in the fabric of Neil’s shirt but the small puffs of breath in Neil’s ear is distinctly even, the only evidence that Andrew is capable of relaxing.

                                                         ______

It’s after Andrew’s next session that Andrew drops onto the couch where Neil is knee deep in calculus homework. He drops two tickets into Neil’s lap and twirls an unlit cigarette between his fingers.

“Friday after practice. I heard you like that shitty band that Matt always plays.” Andrew says unceremoniously, like he hasn’t just dropped two concert tickets into Neil’s lap. To anyone else, concert tickets might not mean much but Neil knows just how much Andrew is giving him with these two small strips of cardstock. It’s more than just acknowledging that he heard Neil’s question between warm sheets and Andrew’s breath against his neck. It’s acknowledging that he cares about what Neil wants, acknowledging that whatever this is between them is something he cares enough about to indulge Neil’s fantasy of normalcy.

“You heard me.” Neil says, eyes shining and jaw slightly agape.

“Of course I did. You never shut up.” Andrew says, though the quirk of the corner of his mouth betrays his smugness at knowing he’s the one to make Neil look like this.

“Andrew..” Neil says, still unbelieving. He stares at Andrew, as if he will disappear if he looks away.

“Stop looking at me like that or I’ll take Kevin.” Andrew replies, the small tilt of his lips saying otherwise.

Neil leans down to where Andrew is trying his best to scowl at him, slowly enough that Andrew could pull away if he needs to, and presses a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.” He whispers.

If they spend the next thirty minutes making out on the couch, Neil’s calculus homework forgotten, well that’s nobody’s business.

                                                         ______

Andrew’s fingers grip Neil tightly as they weave through the crowd. The concert is standing room only and Neil already offered to stand at the back of the club so Andrew can press his back against the wall instead of leaving it to strangers. A few tables litter the edges of the standing room but they’re all full and Andrew is pulling Neil through the crowd until they’re close enough to the stage where Neil can see above the heads bobbing in front of them.

“If we’re going to go to a concert you may as well be able to see.” Andrew explains, as if he hasn’t turned the world on its axis with the amount of concessions he’s made for Neil in one week alone.

The evening is an exercise in growth and trust for them both. Andrew stands rigid through the opening act, though he does allow Neil to stand at his back with his hands on his waist. They’re not pressed close together but allowing Neil to touch him outside his direct line of vision is a first.

By the time the main act crosses the stage, Andrew is leaning into Neil’s touch. Whether it’s exhaustion from the week or just giving Neil another permission, Neil isn’t sure but he hooks his chin over Andrew’s shoulder and crosses his arms over Andrew’s stomach. “We don’t have to stay long.” Neil says, instead of I’m here and I see you.

“Shut up.” Andrew says despite curling into Neil’s lithe body. And Neil presses small kisses wherever he can reach: the side of Andrew’s neck, his cheek, the shell of his ear. The music is familiar, some songs Matt has played in the changing room after practice or during team dinners. Neil isn’t familiar with the lyrics by any means but between the sway of bodies around him and the heat of Andrew’s body, the lyrics strike him harder than music usually does.

'Cause somebody hurt me

Somebody hurt me

But I'm staying alive

And I can tell

When you get nervous

You think being yourself means being unworthy

And it's hard to love with a heart that's hurting

“Yes or no Andrew?”

Andrew is turning around in his grip before the question leaves Neil’s mouth, his hands finding Neil’s hair and tugging until Neil’s mouth is sliding against his. For a moment the crowd melts away and it’s just the two of them wrapped up in each other, pressed together at the chest and at the hips. Neil never takes Andrew for granted and anytime he has Andrew’s lips sliding against his, he is acutely aware of how lucky he is but getting to hold Andrew tight against him in a crowd of people is something else entirely. It’s stupid that he should feel possesive after everything they’ve been through. Andrew has shown him in more than words that he chooses Neil but there’s something that unfurls in his chest at knowing that Andrew is his.

“Idiot.” Andrew mumbles when they pull away for a moment, as if he can read Neil’s mind.

Their surroundings come back to them in pieces. They’re hardly aware of the song ending as they push through the crowd to make it out of the club. Neil reaches over the center console of Maserati in silent request. Andrew takes his hand wordlessly as he rolls his eyes.

“It’s just a hand.” He says.

“Its your hand.”

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic | Take Me Back to the Start (8/?)

Title: Take Me Back to the Start Summary:   Everyone remembers their first love. Not everyone carries those feelings from childhood to senior year. Yet Brock is starting his last year of high school while still longing for the relationship he lost five years ago. Meanwhile, José is at the top of the food chain and seems to have it all together. But maybe their story isn’t over yet. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~25.3k (total) Relationship(s): Branjie (Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo), Sportsdoll (Jan Sport/Nicky Doll) Rating: E

Read on AO3

José was never able to sleep the night before a competition, but for some reason, it felt worse tonight. It felt like there was more on the line— not only did he feel the need to live up to the expectations of the coach and everyone on his team, he wanted to be as good as Brock seemed to think he was.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized how important Brock’s opinion was to him. Next to his mother, no one else ever seemed to believe in him so unabashedly, and he didn’t have the ‘parental obligation’ that he associated with his mom. Brock believed in him because he wanted to.

And maybe that should have put him at ease; it should be something to take comfort in. Instead it just made him feel like he had more to prove, that he had to prove he was worthy of Brock’s praise.

Either way, it was almost four in the morning and José was as awake as ever, and he knew he would regret it in the morning if he didn’t at least keep trying to get some sleep.

But it became clear that just wasn’t happening, so he texted Brock to see if he was awake.

‘You can’t sleep either?’ Brock sent in response.

‘Nope :(‘

‘Wanna call me?’

José grinned, sitting up in bed. ‘Yeah, one sec,’ he sent before calling him. “What’s got you up, boo?”

“I’m just nervous about tomorrow,” Brock admitted with a sigh. “Everything went well at the game, but it’s gonna be a whole other setting and it’s really gonna be a testament to whether or not I can choreograph or if I ruined everything for everyone.”

That definitely didn’t make José feel any less anxious – if anything, the knot in his stomach tightened. “If it helps, it’s not all on you. We did this together. We either succeed or we flop, but it ain’t all on your head. Or mine.” The last part was a reminder for himself, but it didn’t digress from the point.

“I don’t wanna screw anything up for you, though.”

José didn’t mean to laugh, quickly trying to stop himself. “You think you’re gonna screw something up for me? Boy, you must be really up in your head.”

“You say that like it’s a new development,” Brock retorted dryly. “I can’t help it, I just want everything as close to perfect as physically possible.”

“Yeah, what else is new?” José chuckled. “If you keep tryna be perfect you just gonna create impossible standards. You’re already the best dancer I know; if anything I should be lecturing you about being too arrogant, but you ain’t even cocky.”

Brock sighed with a light laugh. “I think if I started getting cocky I’d just end up apologizing for it,” he chuckled softly, then yawned.

José caught the yawn, rubbing his eyes. “I think we tired each other out,” he mused. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As late as it was, they did finally manage to sleep through the night, hoping it’d be enough to get through the next day.

------

Brock had been walking around the building the competition was in, as he’d ended up getting there before the team. But apparently, he had been wandering around too long, because all of a sudden, he looked up and saw Courtney barreling towards him.

“There you are! We started to think you got lost.” She took his hand, guiding him to the waiting area where the team was getting ready.

“Sorry.” He offered a half-hearted apology, now distracted by examining the group and, more specifically, looking for José to see how he was holding up.

José didn’t even notice when Brock arrived, deeply invested in the task at hand. He was standing by the freshmen on the team, fixing their hair and makeup, going over the steps. One girl seemed to look anxious, so he pulled her aside to give her a pep talk that lifted her spirits.

“He’s a real den mother, isn’t he?” Courtney remarked to Brock, who was leaning against the wall and watching him with the fondest of smiles.

“Makes a great team captain,” he agreed.

It was mutually beneficial as well — when José was focusing his attention on keeping the younger teens motivated and in good spirits, he had a solid distraction from his own nerves. If he kept preaching these words of affirmation, maybe he would start believing them himself.

Once the group had dispersed, Brock made his way over to him, pressing a kiss to his temple and giving him a light squeeze. “Holding up okay?”

“Trying to,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck, gaze shifting from the taller teen to the younger group. “It’s the first big competition for most of them, can’t let ‘em see you sweat, you know? They’re all looking to me to have shit together.” His voice was strained, without the distraction, he was back to being consumed with anxiety.

And Brock picked up on it, squeezing his shoulders and staring at him until José gave in and made eye contact. “Listen to me, we’re here because you’re an amazing captain. They look up to you because you’ve been an incredible role model this whole time. I don’t just believe in you because I like you, I believe in you because you’re one of the most talented, hard-working people I’ve ever met.”

Despite his stubborn efforts, José relaxed at his words. He realized he’d needed a pep talk just as much as his younger teammates. “Thanks.” He looked up at Brock, giving up any attempt at hiding the smile that fought its way to his lips. “Couldn’t have done it without you, though.”

“I’m glad I could help, but you guys are gonna be the ones tearing it up, and I’ll be cheering for you the whole time,” he promised.

Shortly after that, the squad was given a ten-minute warning, and Brock made his way out to the bleachers. He was sitting for about a moment before he looked up to see a familiar face joining him. “You again?” he joked.

“Yes, I’ve been stalking you this whole time.” Karl chuckled. “I’ve never seen a cheer competition before, do they all just perform their routines and that is it?”

“Neither have I, now that I think of it,” he shrugged. “But yeah, I can safely assume that’s the gist of it.”

Karl furrowed his brows. “You haven’t? Has José not been competing?”

Brock shook his head. “No, no, he has. But we… went a few years without talking, only picked back up recently.”

“Why?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Is it?”

He couldn’t tell if the question came from disbelief or genuine confusion, pressing his lips together and looking out ahead of him. “José and I have a unique history. Guess at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter, mostly just happy with the page we’re on now.”

“Mostly?”

Brock pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if being this nosy was a French trait, or something specific to this teen. “Everything is a work in progress, but things are going in the right direction,” he concluded. “How are you and Charlie?”

The expression that overtook Karl wasn’t unfamiliar to Brock — giddy, warm, rosy cheeks with an offset gaze—it was the same lovesickness that had plagued him since childhood. Only this time, he wasn’t looking in a mirror, and it brought a sense of relief to him, that he wasn’t alone in the smitten boat, so to speak. “Things are good,” he answered. “Very good.”

“I can tell. You two are good for each other,” he mused. “Don’t let anything get in the way of that.”

Karl nodded, then both of them shifted focus to the floor as their school’s team entered. The music began to play and the routine began, both of their eyes trained on every moment.

When it ended, Brock realized he had been holding his breath the whole routine. He stood up and cheered as the air returned to his lungs, filled to the brim with pride and admiration - it couldn’t have gone better if he tried, and a weight lifted off his chest.

But the nerves came back with a vengeance when it came time to announce the winners. Third place was announced, and after second, Brock was starting to get nervous. He was on the edge of his seat when the first place was announced.

“Holy shit, we won.” Brock didn’t register the cheering or Karl shaking him. He was stunned. That really happened. All of their hard work actually paid off in a tangible manner. It wasn’t until the noise had died down that he came back to earth. As soon as the team exited, he got up and ran to meet them on the other side.

The second José spotted Brock, he sprinted towards him. He didn’t say a word, just grabbed him by the face and kissed him hard, not letting go until his lungs gave him no other choice.

Brock wrapped his arms around José’s waist, picking him up and spinning him around. “That was amazing!” He kissed his cheek before setting him down. “I am so proud of you.”

“We did it!” José beamed when his words were no longer escaping him. His face was red and his eyes were wide, sparkling with enthusiasm and pairing perfectly with a smile that could outshine the sun itself. “We really fuckin’ did it.”

They did have to break apart when the rest of the team crowded around in collective celebration. Parents were running in to congratulate their children, people started to scatter as they posed for pictures with their medals.

José was the first to notice his and Brock’s mothers walking towards them. He chuckled softly, the two women were chatting animatedly, as if no time at all had passed since the last time they were in a room together. He admired the effortlessness in their camaraderie, it led him to believe that things could actually be normal between himself and Brock. “Aw look, they getting along.”

Brock chuckled. “What, did you think it was gonna be like the Capulets and Montagues?” He received a blank stare in response. “Romeo and Juliet?”

“Oh yeah, with Leonardo DiCaprio.” He nodded confidently, and they were embraced by their moms before Brock could offer a response.

------

It was getting late; the cheerleaders were starting to taper off after the celebration dinner. Everyone was a bit tired, but spirits were high and bright.

“Do you wanna come over? Maybe spend the night?” José asked with his mouth half full, washing the bite down with a swig of water. He and Brock hadn’t left each other’s sides since the win, they’d even been squished together in the restaurant booth until people started to leave.

Brock grinned, setting his napkin down on the empty plate. “Sure, if your mom doesn’t mind.”

“Naw, you were always her favorite anyway.” He chuckled, waiting for him to slide out of the booth so he could follow suit, and they walked out to his car with linked arms.

The drive back was quiet – Brock seemed lost in thought and José chose to focus on the road than press him about it. They’d had a long day, after all, he was sure if it was worth bringing up, it’d come out eventually.

Once they were finally in José’s bedroom, they were as relaxed as ever, watching Real Housewives reruns and getting just high enough to not know what city they were in. They had their own running commentary going, one that started as jokes and devolved into just mimicking what the women said in nasally, valley girl voices.

But after a while, the TV faded into the background, and they became more invested in their cuddling. And then cuddling turned to kissing, which led to groping.

“I think we should have sex,” Brock said suddenly.

José blinked in surprise, taking a moment to make sure he’d actually heard him correctly and he wasn’t so high that he had started to hear things (which would’ve been improbable with the meager amount of weed they smoked, but he could never be too sure). “Are you sure?”

Brock just nodded simply. “Uh-huh. I mean, I’ve been wanting to for a while now, but I, you know, overthought it every time and chickened out,” he explained, for once not feeling like he was struggling to stay calm.

He let out a laugh because yes, that was very on-brand for Brock and knew for sure that he was being sincere. “Well, if we’re being real right now, I have been wanting you to fuck me since the rain cockblocked us at the park.”

It brought him a relief to know that these feelings had been mutual for a while now, though it made him feel ridiculous that he’d been so adamant about holding out and hiding away. They could’ve crossed this path weeks ago, but he quickly concluded it was better late than never. “Then what are we waiting for?” he asked, pulling José into a kiss before he could answer.

Not that there was anything José felt like he needed to add. He kissed back with all the eagerness that had been building up over what felt like ages now. He was gripping onto Brock by his shirt, breaking the kiss just long enough to yank it off and toss it aside, his own following immediately after.

Brock was amused at the speed and dexterity the brunette expressed when he wanted something done, and he decided that all he needed to do was keep up with him. So, he scrambled to get out of his jeans, to get them both undressed as fast as the delayed connection between his brain and his hands allowed.

“Tell me if you wanna slow down or stop or anything.” The difference in their speeds had become apparent enough to José. Even without a request, he quelled his pace so they were at a similar rhythm, one that soon felt effortless to both of them. He waited for a beat, then reached into his drawer and handed him a bottle of lube.

“We don’t need a condom?” Brock asked, examining the bottle and figuring out what he needed to do next.

José shrugged. “Nah, you a virgin, and I tested clean. Might as well make your first time even better, you know?” He had always used protection with Kyle, insisting it was for safety. Despite being technically true, in the back of his mind, he knew it was because he never completely trusted that he was his only partner. Perhaps in another place and time, it would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t care anymore, and it was a freeing revelation.

Brock, on the other hand, accepted the explanation at face value. “That works for me.” He hummed, waiting for José to lay back. “You, um, need to prep first, right? Or am I supposed to do it?”

“You getting nervous already. Lemme do it,” he decided, taking the bottle back from him. “Pay attention, so you know what to do next time.”

He smiled, the idea that ‘next time’ was a given settled well with him, it made him feel warmth swell in his chest. “Should I take notes?” he joked, sitting cross-legged on the bed. But as he immediately realized, notes would not be necessary. Watching José surpassed any porn he’d ever watched. It had him hypnotized and practically drooling, he was absentmindedly jerking off to the sight that he couldn’t look away from if he tried.

And José absolutely adored the attention and tried to put on a show without being too loud. He worked himself just to the point of readiness, easing his fingers out and looking up at Brock. “You ready, big guy?”

“You fucking bet I am,” Brock chuckled softly. He took the bottle and used the lube to slick up his length, then very carefully guided himself into him, grunting softly as he did. It took him a moment to adjust, the feeling so new and overwhelmingly pleasurable.

José waited patiently for Brock to get comfortable. He already felt so good just having him buried inside him, just holding him close, one hand on his back and the other tangled in his hair. And when Brock started thrusting, he yielded to his movements right away.

Brock’s moans went from cursing and words of praise to unintelligible nonsense faster than he could’ve anticipated. His thrusts were a bit unsteady but deep and fervent. His hands were at either side of José, balancing himself until he moved one to grab his waist, giving him a better angle to continue.

Time faded out of relevance as the thrusts became more desperate and erratic, the two of them clinging to each other for dear life. It could’ve been anywhere from ten minutes to ten hours – they didn’t know, nor did they care. By the time they were both spent, they were lost in their own little world. Nothing else mattered, they could bask at this moment forever.

“So was it good for you?” José asked when he finally caught his breath and the room stopped spinning so much.

Brock snorted, covering his mouth. “Yes. It was very, very good,” he replied, wrapping his other arm around the smaller male and holding him close. “It was good for you too, right?”

“Of course it was.” He huffed as if it should’ve been obvious.

“Just checking,” he cooed and kissed his forehead, then yawned as he closed his eyes. “At least tonight we’re gonna sleep really well.”

José buried his face into Brock’s chest, mumbling a sleepy “Uh-huh.”

Brock exhaled deeply, holding him close, then gently whispering, “I love you.”

He got a loud snore in response and he laughed to himself. Maybe it was for the best, he thought as he started to drift off. The right time would come eventually.

[andrewjosephminyards]

please write a hc about neil calling andrew “drew” in front of the foxes and everyone freaking out and trying to get away w also calling him drew tysm and have a nice day or night ! x

WHOOO ANON, Neil calling Andrew “’Drew” is literally one of my favorite things. This took a hot minute because I had no idea it was in my inbox, like I literally just found it with that ask I published a couple of days ago so if you sent it a while back then I am so so sorry, but I was so excited to find it and thank you so much for sending it, I hope you’re having a nice day/night as well! 

Also, I strayed just a little from the prompt and this turned into a monster of an answer, forgive me :’)

 So, without further adieu, the Foxes trying to get away with Neil Privileges™. 

It happens early during Neil’s sophomore season. 

Neil doesn’t mean to call Andrew “’Drew” in front of the other Foxes, but dammit the game they just won wasn’t easy between being slammed against the walls by the backliners more than half his size and running like a bat out of Hell up and down the court all night long. He’s tired and he’s sore and it just slips out. 

They’re all siting in the foyer, waiting for Wymack to start his post-game talk and Neil honestly thought he was being quieter than he apparently was, but he’s asking Andrew if they’re going to Columbia and the name slips. It comes out sleepy and soft and it shuts the whole team up, freshmen and all. 

For a minute, Neil doesn’t realize they’re being looked at, but Andrew does and the look he’s giving them all says they’d best not say a word about it. 

And they don’t. At first. 

Naturally, all of the foxes have been mulling this little interaction over in their heads, because it isn’t very often that they all get to see Neil so soft and sleepy. He’s very rarely tired enough to let his guard down around the freshmen enough to let them see something like that. 

And as such, they all treasure the moment in their hearts, because it’s a well-known fact the whole team has adopted Neil Josten. 

However, he’s a lot like a feral cat, so none of them actually mention it to either Andrew or Neil, rather they discuss it among themselves, which results in a bet as to whether or not that’s actually something Neil calls Andrew. 

Or maybe his voice cracked from being tired and it came out as “’Drew” even though he really said “Andrew.” 

They’re going to figure it out. 

They’re split about fifty-fifty. 

Actually a nickname: Matt, Dan, Allison. 

Not a nickname, just an accident: Nicky, Aaron, Kevin. 

Aaron and Kevin don’t really care, but they got dragged into the bet by Allison. 

Renee doesn’t bet, because she Knows and they all know she knows, but she just smiles like the angel she is when they ask her. She won’t even tell Allison. 

It’s a few days later, at practice, when Allison is the first to try it. They’re scrimmaging for the first time since that game instead of doing drills and Allison is on the opposing team. Neil’s on her team and he scores a painstaking shot. Up until this point, Andrew had kept his team’s goal clear. 

“Better luck next time, ‘Drew.” And she coos it, grinning like mad at the gremlin in the goal. 

Neil hisses her name, not happy she’s using his nickname for Andrew against him. And not exactly knowing how she even knew it in the first place. Because like I said, he was tired when it slipped and he’d really thought he was being quiet. 

Andrew says nothing. He doesn’t even narrow his eyes at her. There’s no reaction whatsoever. 

The ball that comes barreling at Allison the next time somebody tries for a goal on Andrew tells her she effectively got under his skin. 

Every subsequent shot after that comes her way. She leaves fairly bruised up and cursing Andrew to the high heavens, but pleased nonetheless to have gotten any kind of reaction from him at all. 

When they lose and have to run laps, she’s a little less pleased. Not to mention the dark bruises that have started to bloom whenever Andrew got a clear hit. 

Allison doesn’t mention the nickname again on the court. 

Andrew doesn’t say anything about it to Neil, because why would he? 

Even when Neil asks, he just shrugs, says he doesn’t care. 

He’s not angry over it, but that’s Neil’s. It’s become sacred without him realizing it, like pipedream, like keys, and home, like stay, like yes or no. 

Just because he isn’t angry over it doesn’t mean he likes it. 

Hearing it fall from anyone else’s lips leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. 

Neil knows, even if Andrew doesn’t tell him. Won’t tell him. 

The next time it happens, it’s Matt and it’s to Neil and Neil only. No one else is around, because Neil and Matt have the same hour out of classes and none of the other foxes do, so it’s just the two of them.  

Matt’s kind of picking at his salad, eyes on Neil and Neil just knows what’s coming. 

“So, Drew-?” Matt was only going to ask whether or not it was a nickname, not actually use the nickname, but Neil is faster with his words. 

“Don’t call him that.” It comes out quickly, sharp and cutting through the rest of Matt’s question, whatever it was. But it’s not harsh, not hateful, because this is Matt and Neil knows Matt doesn’t mean any harm. 

And because it’s Matt, he drops it immediately. A nod, an “okay,” and they move on to something else. 

Matt, inevitably, tells Dan that Neil doesn’t want them to call Andrew “’Drew” and she takes it in stride. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything to her.

They still don’t have their answer to settle their bet. 

Nicky thinks that this would be the only bet he’d be happy to lost and that if it really is a nickname that Neil has for Andrew then that’s actually super sweet, but after living with his cousin for so long and seeing what happened with Allison, he decides he’s better off not testing any of their theories, especially not on Andrew. 

That leaves Aaron and Kevin. Aaron decides he sure as hell isn’t asking because his relationship with Andrew is still rocky at best. His relationship with Neil was even worse still, albeit on a different sort of level. So he immediately throws Kevin under the bus. 

“Kevin lives with them, make him figure it out.” 

Silence from the other foxes. They can all see Kevin’s internal screeching through his eyes. And then his adamant protests. 

Nicky points out that all Kevin really has to do is listen, but he’s still not digging this sudden turn of events and the responsibility of this entire bet being placed firmly upon his shoulders. 

Kevin argues and argues, but to no avail. He gets sent into battle without really being prepped. 

So he sits in their dorm and does his best to listen to every conversation they have while they’re in the living area, even those that are hushed though he’s pretty sure he could live without hearing 70% of those, but things sound as normal as they usually do. Neil calls Andrew by his name and Andrew usually responds with something along the lines of “Neil” or “fucking junkie.” 

Neil and Andrew both know that Kevin’s listening to their conversations. He’s not subtle. 

Even if he’s not looking at them, he’s not reacting like he usually does to the television or his laptop. 

Neil just kind of assumes he’s getting irritable because they’re talking during the exy games he’s watching, since the season has started out on a rockier note than they’d all hoped for. 

Andrew doubts it. He imagines he knows what Kevin’s listening for. So it’s Andrew that confronts Kevin: “Are you waiting for something, Day?” 

Kevin’s little jolt is all Andrew needs to know that he’s right. He goes so far as to pop an eyebrow up when Kevin glances at him. 

Kevin just shakes his head and puts his headphones in. He doesn’t feel like getting kicked out more than he already does. 

Days go by before any of the upperclassmen ask for a status report, everyone eagerly awaiting their answer. 

“He doesn’t call Andrew that around me. I am not asking.” 

Stark disappointment from all the other foxes and then some serious nagging for Kevin to figure it out somehow. 

This nagging continues right up until Andrew and Neil are around and then it stops entirely. 

Kevin’s still not been won over by that point and everyone’s actually starting to get a little discouraged or otherwise irritated that they can’t pin this down.  

Neil, for one, is feeling a pretty good sense of relief that the foxes have apparently forgotten about Allison calling Andrew “’Drew” and that Matt had completely let it go. 

Andrew’s pretty certain not a single one of the damned nuisances has forgotten. 

Unfortunately for the both of them, that’s the case, but it’s not the upperclassmen that necessarily make it unfortunate. 

It’s that very day at practice that the foxes get their answer. They’re split up to run drills by position when one of the freshmen Jack snarls something at Neil that most of the others can’t hear (Kevin can), but it flares Neil’s temper and he swings on Jack so fast no one really realized it was about to happen. 

The other foxes converge on the scene and break up the not-so-little brawl that’s gone down and it’s just as Matt’s trying to pull Neil back with Allison and Nicky putting themselves in between them and Kevin and Dan forcing Jack away from him that Neil snarls, “I’m the only one that can call him that you shit-faced motherfucker.” 

Matt gasps like he’s not heard worse, but Kevin’s head whips around and he’s staring wide-eyed at Neil. 

No one gets the chance to ask why until after practice because it’s a day that Wymack decides running off their tempers is as good an idea as any (and it is, since it essentially allows the freshmen and the other foxes to put a little distance between themselves, even if all of the freshmen aren’t so bad). 

It’s after practice that they’re finally able to ask Kevin what happened. 

Kevin just kind of clears his throat, tells them that Jack had thrown around some insults at Neil through practice (nothing new) and then said something about Andrew, which Neil ignored again, and then the one thing he said that pushed Neil over the edge was something about “Drew.” 

Kevin doesn’t know what the last insult was exactly, but he does know he heard that. He’d been trying to hear it all week.  

Money exchanges hands immediately. Allison’s smug, Kevin’s irritated that he just made himself lose the bet. 

None of the foxes ever try to get away with it again. 

But Neil eventually, slowly, lets himself call Andrew Drew in front of the foxes. And Andrew can’t really say that he minds. As long as it only falls from Neil’s lips from then on. 

And a little something extra for the first time Neil calls Andrew “’Drew”, like this isn’t already long enough: 

Again, the above situation happens early in Neil’s sophomore season. 

And Neil’s only recently started calling Andrew “’Drew.” 

That, too, started as an accident. 

It was a good day and Neil had just made coffee after his run and he fixed himself a cup and then Andrew.

And upon taking a sip of his own coffee, he burns his tongue, so when he calls for Andrew, he’s talking fast and it comes out like “Mm. ‘Drew, coffee!” 

Neil pauses a moment, realizes what he’s done and turns to slip out the door immediately.

For once in his life, he’s not fast enough. 

Andrew’s there, picking up his coffee, eyebrow rising in question as he takes a sip. 

Neil says nothing, just smiles and sips his own (too-hot) coffee again. 

Andrew hums at his and Neil takes that as a pass. His coffee was acceptable this time. He’s getting the hang of how sweet Andrew’s has to be for it to be even passable. (Which, he already knew what made it passable, but sometimes he just isn’t willing to check and see if he’s put the right amount of sugar in the man’s coffee himself.) 

They stand there for a few minutes, Neil relaxing, glad Andrew either hadn’t caught the little slip or just didn’t care enough to say anything. 

And it’s then, just when Neil thinks he’s safe, that Andrew says, “Drew?” 

Neil flinches, points at his mouth, now molded into a sheepish smile. “I burned my tongue and it slipped.” 

Andrew nods, accepting the fact for what it was, ignoring the slight disappointment that he may or may not feel, that had followed the butterflies in his stomach that he may or may not have been trying to kill. 

And then Neil says, “Unless… unless I can? Call you that, I mean.” It’s tentative, quiet, like he’s trying something he didn’t even expect himself to try. 

Andrew simply looks at him, those stupid fucking butterflies starting up again, even as he very desperately tried to squash the damn things mentally. 

They stand there again for a good two minutes before Neil says anything else in the form of a very soft, “yes or no?” 

Andrew presses his lips into a thin line just before he rolls his eyes, lets out a long suffering sigh, and averts his gaze from Neil’s bright eyes. He can’t take the little bit of hope that shown in them. It only made the horrendous psychologically-induced stomach-creatures worse. 

Then, “Yes.” 

Neil lets out a little puff of a laugh, something disbelieving and overall giddy that Andrew didn’t mind if he called him Drew. 

It was something else for the two of them, something special that no one else could ever quite understand. There was meaning there that meant more than either of them could fathom in the past or that they could even really fathom now, but that they would learn to understand as they learned to understand other things in the future like being really and truly happy, like complete and unequivocal trust. 

[alternislatronemhq]

Congrats, Nicky, you have been accepted to AL for the role of Lucius Malfoy (FC: Cody Ferm). NICKYYYY! Wow, this makes the third group that we’re in together, and as usual, you’ve blown me away by the way you’re able to get into the head of your character. You just have a gift with the Malfoys, and Lucius is such a fascinating character in your hands. I’m so eager to see how his character develops in this new verse, and your plot ideas are just fantastic! Pumped to have you here. Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist.Welcome home, we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — Nicky age — 30+ pronouns — she/her timezone — EST activity level — medium: I play in and help admin another game, but I should still have plenty of time for a decent amount of Lucius-ing over here! Probably not every day, but certainly multiple times per week! any questions? — nope, everything looks super great!

IC Overview

name — Lucius Abraxas Malfoy age — 31 gender — gender-fluid…not that Lucius has the words for that, but he knows how he feels and he’s never bothered to fuss about it. Lucius has always been supremely confident in himself (and herself – although again, he lacks the awareness of gender that would let him understand that his feelings about “his” gender sometimes fit other pronouns better than the ones he was assigned at birth, so he only ever uses him – even when he doesn’t feel like a him) and the only downside to that is that his confidence arrogance honestly blinds him a little bit to the nuances of his own identity – because he’s Lucius Malfoy. There’s no room for figuring out any other details of identity next to that. The upside to his confidence, of course, is that he doesn’t hesitate to express himself in whatever way feels most comfortable, no matter how other people might react – so if some days he’d rather wear robes more suited to a witch, or deck himself out in his late mother’s finest jewelry, or paint his face with the finest make-up…he’ll just do it. Why not? He is who he is, and Lucius has never apologized for that…well, not and meant it anyway! sexuality — pansexual…which again, he lacks the terminology for. Yes, the word itself was coined in 1917, but it was coined by Muggles; even if it’s made its way into the Wizarding World by now, it wouldn’t have made its way to Lucius…not that he needs it. Lucius isn’t the sort who requires a label to know himself, and he simply never cared about gender. His orientation might be better described as “pretty-sexual” because he’s shallow as anything; it’s just not gender that affects his interests. In fact, he thinks the way some people let something as silly and pointless as gender dictate their attraction is just absurd – and he won’t hesitate to share that fact. patronus — peacock (because of course, right?) although usually noncorporeal…not that Lucius doesn’t have happy memories, because he certainly does; conjuring the patronus isn’t a difficulty. Keeping the patronus conjured when in the face of something nasty is where he falters – because Lucius has always been a little bit spineless. He’s better at the Dark Arts than the Light, because it’s easier to force negative emotions than positive ones; he’s happy when he feels happy, but he’s adept at using anger and hate even when he’s not feeling them. He can compartmentalize extremely well (hence his positively artful mastery of the Imperius Curse) but he’s never learned to fake happy. Lucius either wears a completely opaque mask or wears his feelings right out on his sleeve – no in between. And a patronus requires a bit of that in between, remembering happy even when you’re scared or angry and not just in an “oh I wish” sense, but in an yes I was happy then, I can be happy right not thinking about it again and that’s not something he does well. So his patronus is weak…but then again, with the spells he knows, what does he need a patronus for anyway? boggart — dog…a great slavering, drooling, barking, tooth-bared beast, filthy and matted with blood on its lips and frenzy in its eyes. It’s anyone’s guess whether he’s more afraid of the teeth or the threat of muck from the filthy in its fur – Lucius certainly isn’t telling. He’s good at compartmentalizing fear, anyway, so boggarts don’t cause him much trouble. One quick Riddikulus and the beast’s legs drop off and its teeth fall out, and it falls helpless and yelping to the ground, frenzy replaced by confusion and fear. Maybe that wouldn’t be a funny enough sight for most people – they’d probably turn it into a toy dog, squeaking and colorful, or maybe tie it up in bright ribbon or something cutesy like that – but Lucius’s sense of humor, while sharp, is also a bit dark. He thinks it’s hilarious. He won’t be laughing so hard later, probably – because the war is coming back, and this time Lucius has more to lose than he did when he first donned that silver mask. The first time he sees his son’s broken body before him, he’ll understand how normal people feel when they face a boggart: shaken, terrified, hollow. And not even his clever wits will be able to quickly conjure a way to make that funny. But that’s later; for now, it’s still the ugly dog and the cruel laughter engendered by its plight.

IC In Depth

personality traits — at least two positive and two negative, explain

Loyal – there are people who call Lucius a snivelling, spineless coward who would betray anybody to save his own skin, and they’re not wrong…except the part about him betraying anybody. Lucius is extremely loyal, but only to those whom he deems most important to him: his family. The Malfoys have always put family first – to the lengths of being willing to sacrifice their own ambitions (and even lives) for the sake of the greater name and lineage. Like many of the old, insular pure-blood families, their members have a tendency to be sorted into the same Hogwarts House as those who came before – but it’s not as universal a thing as it is with some and if a Malfoy isn’t going to be in Slytherin, it’s a pretty safe bet to put your money on them being in Hufflepuff. Indeed, it took the Sorting Hat a good two minutes to decide where to put young Lucius (and it was his innate laziness that ultimately kept him out of the cellars; while he certainly has drive and it more than willing to work hard to achieve his goals, if there’s an easy way out Lucius won’t hesitate to take that instead). He would do anything, sacrifice anything, for those who are most precious to him; his loyalty to them is boundless. Too bad for the rest of the world that that means he won’t hesitate to sacrifice them for the sake of those he loves, too – and that the number of people who truly matter above all else is so small: one wife, one son. Even his own father goes on the list of “potential sacrifice” if need be to keep Draco and Narcissa safe. Good thing Abraxas is a Malfoy, too; the old man might be a terror, but he understands that sort of family loyalty too.

Arrogant – Lucius went most of his life not just thinking but knowing that there was no one in the world who could compare to him. These days, he knows there are two people who are better: his son and his wife. And no one else even holds a candle to the three of them. It’s more than just confidence; it’s an absolute, unshakable belief in his own superiority. (Daddy’s lectures about Malfoys being better than everyone else took hold a little too well.) Time ought to have at least tempered if not punctured this bubble, but alas, Lucius is talented enough that he managed to escape the cold dose of reality that often undercuts the insufferable. He did learn how to ingratiate himself (a talent acquired mostly through the simple expedient of being so much younger than the majority of the people he was trying to impress) to the point of obsequiousness, at times – but just because Lucius is kneeling and begging and sniveling for his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t still think he’s better than you. He has a knack for compartmentalizing that makes him extremely gifted at mental magicks like Legilimency and Occlumency, but that same knack has a detrimental impact on his character as well: because he’s so good at it, he can even compartmentalize reality when it conflicts with his convictions. When Lucius is shown-up at something, instead of questioning whether he really is as good as he thinks he is, he finds ways to dismiss it – there were extenuating circumstances, maybe, or it’s a skill that isn’t all that important anyway, etc. So even when he’s been badly humbled, his confidence shattered, his arrogance remains. Even in defeat, Lucius knows he’s still better than the people who beat him. That’s just who he is.

Clever – Call him shrewd, observant, manipulative, even machiavellian – Lucius is all those things. He is a talented, quick-witted wizard with few (if any) scruples. He can talk his way out of trouble almost as fast as he can think his way out of said trouble, lightning-quick and eloquent. He’s already ready with a barb or a drawling retort, as quick with a jibe as he is with a jinx. In part, it’s a natural talent – and in part it’s because Lucius views the whole world as a sort of game, one that he’s been practicing all his life. Even now, having lived through the horrors of a war, he still looks at the world as a game – and games can be won. (He’s the sort of player who cheats, too, and doesn’t see anything wrong with that; everybody is cheating, after all. It’s just a matter of who does it better, and who’s clumsy enough to get caught…and dumb enough to let getting caught be a problem instead of the next step in the game.) Perhaps that’s why he so rarely wakes up screaming, when by all rights he ought to suffer from daily nightmares after the things he’s seen – the things he’s done. But Lucius doesn’t have a guilty conscience. (There are some who say he doesn’t have a conscience at all.) Anyone he hurt has themselves to blame as much as him, after all; if they’d been better at the game, they’d have been able to protect themselves, like he did. He was clever enough to talk his way into Voldemort’s inner circle; clever enough to talk his way out of Azkaban; clever enough see which way the wind was blowing after the war and pivot to a new role that would carry him further than his old reputation – not that he doesn’t still make sure of some of that; having people half-convinced that you could Curse them as easily as you charm them with your honeyed words comes in handy…and Lucius could. He’s an exceptionally adept wizard, especially in certain useful areas of magic; he could get his way through force a lot more often than he does…but it’s more fun to charm and cajole instead.

Callous – You can’t even call it selfishness, although Lucius is selfish – albeit generous with friends, allies, and those he’s trying to sucker…but giving away gold and gifts and grandiose praise doesn’t cost him anything; petty selfishness is a different thing entirely. No, Lucius is callous not because he’s greedy (he has enough that he can afford not to act greedy and still satiate his greed) but because he doesn’t care about other people. Oh, he can put on an appearance of sympathy with the best of them, and on some level he can even feel great sorrow and pity for other people…but he doesn’t really care. Not about anybody outside his small circle of family and a few close friends – and even then, he’d not blink to see half the latter in distress if the circumstance were right. Lucius is the sort of man who would let the world burn not because he delights in chaos, but because he doesn’t care enough about the people screaming around him to put it out. He only cares about “the world” as a concept at all because it’s the world that he – and his son – have to life in; the future matters for Draco, not because there’s anything of value in the abstract concept of “the future.” Which is not to say that he is without all feelings of human sympathy; should someone he does care about find themselves in pain or distress of any sort, Lucius will be distraught (possibly furious, depending on the circumstance) and genuinely sympathetic – but only to the people he cares about. Everyone else can burn for all he cares. Lucius Malfoy is not adept at the Cruciatus Curse because he revels in causing other people pain; he’s adept at the Cruciatus Curse because he doesn’t see anything wrong with someone else screaming. He’s not the sort to go out of his way to find a toy to play with the way some (such as his sister-in-law) of his old allies were known to do…but he will smirk and sneer and mock a victim without so much as a flicker of remorse. And why not? Why should he care about other people who don’t care about him?

character biography — doesn’t have to be overly long, just give us the important moments in the character’s life

Lucius is an only child, born late in his father’s life to Abraxas’s fourth wife. Rumors about about the terrible mischances that took the first three – a mysterious illness, a tragic accident, and the scandal of running off to the Côte d'Ivoire with a Mudblood – and about the many miscarriages and cot-deaths that carried-off the family’s previous attempts at an heir. (No one can prove that there are squib babies buried in the estate’s gardens…but no one can prove that there aren’t, either.) When Lucius came along, it was a relief to old Abraxas and he raised his son with both indulgent luxury and demanding expectations. Lucius’s childhood wasn’t easy, with his father always breathing down his neck, but the trade-off was that as long as he excelled at everything, he got anything he could ever want. That seemed like a pretty good deal – and it’s not like it was hard for a clever, talented, ambitious boy to succeed at Hogwarts. Slug Club in his first year, Slytherin Chaser in his third, prefect in his fifth, Quidditch captain in his sixth…and not even Abraxas could blame him for the fact that he did not make Head Boy, not with that Muggle-lover Albus Dumbledore as headmaster. Besides, by then Lucius’s eyes were already on his next ambition…

It wasn’t hard for him to curry favor with the Dark Lord, and Lucius earned his Dark Mark within a year of leaving Hogwarts. He was young, but he was valuable too – not just for his name and social position, but for his charm. Lucius was good in a duel (and grew better fast with so many vicious allies with whom to train and trade knowledge) but Voldemort had many Death Eaters who could fight; Lucius’s value lay in the minds he could sway (through words or spells) whether by recruiting other allies, or merely spreading support for the Dark Lord’s ideals. Abaxas was less than thrilled that his only son would agree to serve anyone, even Voldemort, but he had no qualms with the Dark Lord’s ideals, so their arguments over it never went too far (but Abraxas lost no time in spouting I-told-you-so’s after Voldemort’s fall). War was hard, and often dangerous, but the dark years were brightened by something that overshadowed all of that: love and marriage to the most wonderful witch in the world. (Even Abraxas could find no flaws with his daughter-in-law, although he did make several snide comments about the disgrace of Narcissa’s former sister – until she hexed him into silence, after which he promptly declared her a perfect match for his only son.) It took longer than they might have liked to have a child, but once they did – once they had an heir – it seemed like everything might well be perfect.

There were losses and close-calls during the war, and they had several friends to mourn, but the only direct tragedy in Lucius’s life was the death of his mother when she mistook a deadly herbicide for a harmless sleeping draught – a suspicious tragedy, perhaps, on the heels of two other unexpected deaths, but once again no one (not even Lucius) could prove that his father had been in any way involved. The war, at least, offered a distraction from grief at her death – until the war ended, suddenly and with little ceremony, and the Malfoys found themselves abruptly left on the losing side. They might have been able to weather that storm with little harm (they were far too respected, and too connected, to not be able to squirm free of repercussions) but then Narcissa’s sister had to go off and torture bloody James Potter like that, and…well, on top of everything else it seemed like just “escaping Azkaban” wasn’t enough. The family needed to do something to “prove” to the public that they shouldn’t be painted with the same brush as vicious Bellatrix Lestrange – a grand gesture. And what could be grander than turning their backs on one sister and reconciling with another?

Narcissa wasn’t keen on the idea, but Lucius convinced her – no easy feat, with Cissy being one of the tojurs pur noble House of Black, whose purity-mania had been second only to the unlamented Gaunts, but Lucius had always had a knack for being convincing…and besides, their was their child’s future to think of. So Narcissa agreed, and Lucius led the push of glad-handing and grinning at half-blood and blood-traitors and even the occasional Mudblood, enshrining the Malfoy family in the eyes of the wizarding world as good people. Not blood-traitors themselves, oh no, they never went that far – but a little more easy-going about things than they’d once been; a little more tolerant. They stopped (mostly) using the word Mudblood in public; stopped pushing for pro-pureblood laws with their gold and their influence. They still toed the line of being respectable wix of course, polite and traditional…but less strict about who (and what) they were willing to let into their own inner circle. They even allowed Andromeda’s Mudblood husband and their mongrel brat in their home! Yes, the Malfoys had clearly changed, and all the world could see it.

Lucius recently engaged in another grand gesture, although this one with more sincerity and enthusiasm: the “little girl” that he and his wife had thought they were raising declared himself to be a wizard, not a witch, and while it took the Malfoys a little while to come on board with the idea (not so much because they had trouble with the concept as because the child’s ability to explain himself was stymied somewhat by Lucius’s own rather flippant disregard for gender norms – so saying he was just like daddy didn’t mean as much as it would have in another house) once they did, they didn’t hold back. Narcissa pulled down the book of constellations to help her son find a new name (it didn’t take him long – I can be a dragon? I wanna be a dragon!) while Lucius took-out a full-page ad in the Daily Prophet to print an amended birth announcement so the whole world would know about their precious Draco. Lucius would have been happy to spend the rest of his life preening over his clever, brilliant, perfect son, and litlte else – but it seems the world has other plans in mind.

As rumors of darkness returning swirl, the Malfoys find themselves in a difficult position: they turned their backs on the more hardcore of their old allies to court new, muddier friends; they didn’t so much renounce the old ways as quietly shuffle away from them…and now the old ways are calling in what they owe. If the Dark Lord is indeed coming back – or even if he isn’t, and it’s merely other old supporters rallying the cause again – the Malfoys will be in trouble. They’ll be punished for their disloyalty, and not even Lucius’s silver tongue will be enough to talk their way out of that – not after they made such a public show of reconciling with Narcissa’s blood-traitor relatives, not after everything Lucius has said to the public and the press, all the work they’ve done to build a new reputation…work that may now doom them. The only way to keep themselves safe from the Dark Lord’s retribution is to lean in and really commit to the newer, more “tolerant” ideals to which they’ve spent the last five years paying lip service. If their old allies are their enemies now, that means they need to make their old enemies into allies – ingratiate themselves so well that those they once fought will be willing to protect them against their old friends. It’s not going to be pleasant…but there’s nothing Lucius won’t do to keep his family safe. Nothing.

plot ideas — either for the broader group plot or for your specific character

THE DIARY of course! Since Lucius was entrusted with that by Voldemort shortly before the Dark Lord’s death when he was still a devoted follower…which he isn’t, anymore. So now what? How/when/if will he figure out what this thing is, or that it’s something that matters now? Will he dare to defy Voldemort enough to actually help destroy that? Will he want to keep it for some sort of insurance for himself? Will learning what it is (what sort of dangerous thing the Dark Lord put in the same house as his son!) give him and Sirius a reason to work together, and how awkward will that be for both of them? Will his knowledge of the Dark Arts prove invaluable to Sirius’s mission to destroy the horcruxes, both giving him a chance to do “good” using his “bad” skills and also forcing Sirius to grapple with the conflicting issue of “ends justifying the means” and what it means to use the Dark Arts for “the greater good”? Will he keep possession of the diary a secret (maybe purposefully, maybe without understanding that it matters) too long and endanger his family by having it there when the Dark Lord comes back for it? Will he get rid of it and face Voldemort’s wrath for that later, instead – and then have no diary he can offer-up to temper said wrath? There are a lot of ways that this can go, and I’m on board for ALL of them!

DOBBY – we know he hates the Malfoys, hates working for them. Probably doesn’t buy into their “we’re good now, mkay?” vibe at all…so does that set him up to be this story’s Kreacher? Will he find a way to betray them, and if he does what will that do – will it be a betrayal that hurts the Order and Dumbledore as well? One that opens a weakness for the Dark Lord or his old Death Eaters to take advantage of? Dobby was a savior in canon because it was Harry Potter he wanted to help, but now that the Malfoys are “good guys” (technically speaking) will that make Dobby easy for the bad guys to manipulate or take advantage of? Or might Dobby simply take action on his own without being aware of the wider consequences, and inadvertently bring disaster? Again, lots of directions that this one could go depending on what the greater game plot demands – but I think the idea of having Dobby serve as a sort of cat’s paw or monkey wrench at some point would be really interesting, so file that one away on your back burner! ;)

ROSIERS – they’re related pretty closely through Narcissa’s mother (and tbh all the pure-bloods are related somehow the inbreeding is strong here lol) which also ties them to the Longbottoms through Alice and Evan being cousins; given the rather disparate sides on which those families stand, that puts some nice tension into the room…so how does that translate? Maybe a birthday party for dear little Draco (and if it’s his first birthday party as a boy, you know the Malfoys are going to go even bigger and more absurd with the extravaganza than their usual already over-the-top nonsense) that ends up getting a little out of hand – direct conflict that breaks-out into dueling? Party-crashing that gets ugly? Sabotage? Attempted poisoning? An attack? Lots of possibilities, again, dependent on what stage of things the plot has reached at the time – but given the Malfoys’ nature as gregarious social butterflies, it would be easy enough to have them throw a party for any reason any time one was needed for a plot event, whether it involves the Rosiers/Longbottoms or not!

LONGBOTTOMS – speaking of the Longbottoms…what is their relationship with the Malfoys? (Do they have one?) How close (or not at all) was Alice to Narcissa before their respective marriages, did they know each other well? Were they so distant they barely considered themselves family at all? Somewhere in between? That’s obviously something to be plotted/discussed between any Narcissa and Alice players, of course – I just think it could be very interesting to deal with any sort of connection between the Longbottoms, who were responsible for the death of Voldemort, and the Malfoys, whose world was up-ended by said death. Plus, they literally fought on opposite sides of a war…do the Longbottoms suspect that Lucius was under one of those silver masks? Do Lucius and Narcissa know that the Longbottoms were in the Order? They’re Aurors too, which probably puts some strife into things given the Malfoys’ predilection for the Dark Arts (and to circumventing the law in general) even if they’ve never been caught red-handed enough to face more than a few wink-and-a-nod fines. They’ve also got sons the same age; with the Malfoys being technically “good guys” this time, does that mean that Draco and Neville might end up having a play-date or two? Again, this all depends on plotting and backstories of other players, but I’m definitely in for seeing something happen with these two families!

POTTERS – His sister-in-law tortured Lily’s husband into a coma. He’s close friends with Severus, one of Lily’s oldest friends. And her current parenting-partner is his wife’s cousin (who’s currently working on destroying Voldemort’s horcruxes, one of which is stashed in Lucius’s house). Can anyone say awkward? Because I sure as hell can! There are a lot of things to tie these people unwillingly together even before their sons end up rivals at school together, and I’m eager to explore all of them.

DEATH EATERS – Lucius wasn’t just allies with these people; he was, in many cases, friends. Always an outgoing, charming, vivacious wizard, Lucius was popular all his life – good at making friends, and also good at assessing people and knowing how to get them on his side, whether by ingratiating himself to them or making them want to ingratiate themselves to him, etc. So even among the cut-throat, backstabbing, power-hungry Death Eaters, he was well-liked by more than most…but how far does friendship really go? He’s maintained a cordial, sometimes even friendly relationship with many of his old comrades-in-marks despite his public persona of someone barely better than a blood-traitor in their eyes…but does that mean any of them would hesitate to Avada Kedavra him on their old master’s orders? Can he expect any mercy, any help, any quarter – if not for himself, maybe at least for his wife and son? Maybe he should work to cozy-up to them even more…or maybe he should cut ties and put as much distance between them as possible, for the sake of safety. He might well do all of the above with different characters, so please – if you write a Death Eater, let’s plot out some drama!

SEVERUS SNAPE – Lucius was the first person to truly welcome Severus to the wizarding world, and while Lucius didn’t see anything special about the scrawny boy at first glance – he was just doing his duty as a newly-minted prefect to Slytherin’s new crop of first years – it didn’t take him long to realize that Severs was special…and vulnerable. One of, if not the, cleverest snakes in his year, it was obvious to anyone with eyes (translation: almost no one) that the boy was gifted. He was lonely too, and having someone like Lucius Malfoy demonstrate acceptance and praise of him was probably intoxicating to Severus. No wonder he ended up making friends with the sort of wannabe-Death Eaters that Lucius had hung around with in school; they probably followed Lucius’s lead, looked at scrawny Severus, and assumed that if Lucius thought he was valuable it must be true. Perhaps Lucius was even the one who made the overture to welcome Snape into the Death Eaters, the one who assured the Dark Lord that this greasy-haired half-blood was more than he seemed…I don’t know, but I’d love to plot-out a relationship with a Severus player! I think Lucius was probably a condescending bastard to Snape because he’s that way with everyone, but I also think he genuinely likes Snape too. I think Lucius considers him a close friend – and after the war ended with the both of them not on the side they’d seemed to be, one of the closest – and the fact that he sometimes tries to manipulate Snape doesn’t impact that at all; that’s what friends do, right? So I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a healthy, fair relationship…but it’s also genuine on Lucius’s part. He’d be shocked to be told that he’s ever not treated Severus well, honestly – he thinks he has. And given Snape’s rather troubled, traumatic childhood, it’s even possible that Snape agrees idk! I’d love to talk ideas through with whoever ends up playing Severus – especially what comes next. Does Lucius figure out that Snape is in the Order? He certainly knows that Snape is close to Dumbledore – which means that his fifteen-year-old instincts were right: Snape is valuable. Perhaps the mos valuable person Lucius knows, the one who might well save his skin in the days to come…if he can trust Snape to have his back, now that the both of them have turned their backs on the man who Marked them.

extra — honestly this app is already a million years long, so no, I am not going to force anyone to look at anything else I’M SORRY IT’S SO DAMN LONG XD

[i-writeandread-blog]

Wonderland - Chapter 13

And just like that, Wonderland is back! (Y’all it survived Thanos snap after all) Geez, I missed Jared and Ali so much!! Enjoy!

I was surprised at first when Jared grabbed the bottle of brown liquor, but he was nothing if not a team player. We all loosened up rather quickly and I knew we were in for a long night.  I started shuffling the cards and looked to my two friends.  "Asshole, right?"  They nodded.

Jared's confused look was really adorable. "Jare, asshole is a game.  Let me explain the rules to you.  Girls we are going to have to ease him into this, he's a newbie and doesn't drink."  I explained the rules and how you don't want to end up being the asshole at the end of the round.  He caught on quickly and surprisingly was better at it than us three.  Especially considering we along with our group of friends had been playing it for at least five years. Darlene was not amused that she had been asshole two out of the three times we played and we all could tell from her not so subtle sighs and shrugs.  Usually when we played she would be the one doing most of the "winning."  At any rate, our hearts weren't really in it and we were getting tipsy a little too fast since we hadn't ate.

The food arrived and we were all happy to finally have something to do other than drink.  No one was speaking as we all consumed fries, burgers, pizza, and whatever else was available. We laughed a little at how much food we were devouring, then as if we all on cue thought about Nicky at the same time we started to cry. It was completely emotional in the room. I don't think we were ever going to be normal again as a group. The pain was going to be too much.

When we all seemed to be stuffed to the brim, Darlene started to shuffle the cards and set up for another game, when Jared grabbed her arm and stopped her.  The look of shock on Darlene was hysterical to me.  She was the alpha of every group.  Even her husband knew that she was the head of the household, giving in to her every desire.  "Please, don't." He said.  She looked to me and I nodded in agreement.

"Well, why the fuck not?" Dar questioned us.

"Because we are tired, we have jet lag, and we have a big day tomorrow.  Let's just call it a night and we can catch up more tomorrow. Please, Dar?"  I pleaded with her.

"Fine, but I'm breaking into MY mini bar when I get back to the room.  Thanks, Jared for the free booze. You're a doll."  She said and then leaned in and kissed his temple.  She stepped out of the room and said, "Come on Heather, we aren't wanted anymore." Heather got up and followed her to the door like a little puppy.

"Dar, that's not..." Jared stopped me. "Let them go." The door closed with a loud thud.

"Jared, I'm so sorry. I should have warned you about how crass she can be. I fear she may make me look badly. But you don't know the history or the stories behind our friendship."

"You're right, she does come off a little strong and I have to admit, I can't see how the two of you even know each other. I'd like to find out. Tell me while I clean up?" He got up and started picking up the liquor bottles and trashing them in the wastebasket.

"Okay, it's a doozy. You ready to hear some not so good things about your.... umm.... me?"

"Ali, you're my girlfriend. Just because we haven't actually said it out loud doesn't make it not true, so go ahead and call yourself that from this moment going forward, ok?"

"Alright, I guess I'll dive right in. I met Darlene at church." Jared spun around to look at me and smirked. "Yes, church, Jared. We aren't all heathens like you." He laughed, "uh huh."

"Well, it's true. We met at church. I was very active. My parents made us go as kids, but once I was older, I had the choice and I chose to still go. Silver Lake Baptist Church had a really big group of kids my age. We were teenagers. There really wasn't much to do in that po dunk town. So we went to church. It beat sitting at home.  Anyway, my cousin Lynne was always picking up strays.  Animals and people.  She has a kind heart, much kinder than mine.  One Saturday night we all met at church to go somewhere, probably bowling or skating... something along those lines, and in walks Lynne with Darlene.  I had never seen her before, but I was used to always being the center of attention.  I guess I sensed how strong of a personality Dar has and didn't want her to steal the spotlight. I immediately started picking on her.  It didn't matter to me that I was at church.  So it started with her weight, she has always been a bigger girl.  Then I found out her mom worked at the casino.  So I made some snide remark along the lines of, "my family plays the games there, we don't work them."  As if that somehow meant I was better than she was.  I don't know what got into me, but I just kept going until we were back at the church and she broke out in tears.  It was time to leave so I caught a ride with Lynne and Dar.  We dropped her off, so I knew where she stayed.  The next day feeling so guilty, I went to her house and knocked on the door, she answered and asked me in these exact words: "what the hell do you want?" I apologized and we became friends... through the years there's been a lot of ups and downs.  I've seen her go from raising her own self practically because her mom couldn't be bothered to do it, to being kicked out of her moms house because the many guys she brought over didn't like her.  I was there when she was being abused and then later when she met her husband.  She's tough on the outside because she always had to be.  She's never had it easy.  Three years ago she had a son who died of SIDS.  She's just never caught a break."  I began to cry. "As bitchy as she is, I get her. And I'm not really any different from her. I was a bitch to her in the beginning. That part of me still exists."

——————————

Ali confessed some darkness about her while I cleaned up, and it seemed to me that she has remained friends with Darlene out of guilt all these years. I felt bad. The two of them had a history, but that didn't mean they had anything in common other than the past. I didn't like that she was beating herself up.

"Ali, you're not a terrible person. You were a child. You did childish things.  Sometimes people are in our lives for a season, they fulfill their purpose and then they go.  It's okay to move on."

“I don't want to walk away from so many years of friendship with her, that would be a bad thing to do."

"Ali, you have nothing in common with her and I'm gonna be honest here, it seems like this life, the one you left behind for greener pastures was left for a reason.  These people all have issues with alcohol and drugs.  I watched Shannon spend years of his life fighting those demons.  Most times those battles can't be won.  They'll suck you down with them."

I watched her as she slowly started to realize I was right, taking in each one of my words and essentially chewing it over in her head.  I know she didn't like the idea that everyone she knew in her past growing up was essentially nothing more than just a means to her being where she was today.  They did not define her.  They could never be remotely anything as beautiful a soul as she was.  And for fucks sake, she deserved to feel better about who she was as a person.

"The girl sitting before me... excuse me, the woman... she is bright, beautiful, funny as hell, and more special than she will ever give herself credit for.  You have me now.  These people can and will move on. You are not the sum of these parts.  They aren't even a fraction of who you are.  And who you are is my girlfriend.  Say it, Ali.  Be proud.  I'm proud of you and your accomplishments.  You got this old bastard for a boyfriend.  Many tried, none came even close.  Say it, Ali."

“Uhhh"

I gave her the look.  The one that said, do it or else.

"I'm your girlfriend." She said meekly.

“No, babe.  Say it loud."

"I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"That's right, babe.  And don't you forget that.  You're mine.  And I'm your best friend now."

I wanted to tell her right then that I was in love with her, but I knew it was too soon.  Or maybe it wasn't.  But I didn't want to press my luck.  Besides, I wasn't a complete asshole that I'd make her stop all contact with her friends from North Carolina.  She would do that on her own terms and timeline.  But she knew she had a new life going forward, and her future was going to be so bright.

In fact, my first goal was to get her writing again.  It was her dream.  And I knew she would be perfect at it just by listening to her stories.  They were all so colorful and unique.  She had a way of really getting you to feel like you were there in that moment.  I could hear her talk for hours.

“I was one of them once, you know... there wasn’t anything to do when we got older but to drink and fuck around with drugs.” Ali said so low I almost didn’t hear it.

“Oh for fucks sake, Ali. Seriously, what did I do as a teenager? I know you know.”

“Sold drugs.”

“Yes, and do I do it now? Do I drink now? Do I go and break into peoples houses now? No. People change. You have changed. How can you not see this? You changed the minute you decided your life didn’t belong here anymore. So can we concede that fact and stop beating ourselves up over bettering ourselves while others choose not to?”

She nodded and accepted that I was right. I was finally done cleaning up the mess we had all made and I was in desperate need of my “Ali cuddling session.” I walked to the bed and lowered myself into it. She followed suit. Once both of us were in bed, I reached for the remote and turned on the tv.

“What would you like to watch babe?”

“Something funny. Doesn’t matter what. You choose.”

I flipped through rapidly until I spotted Gilligan’s Island. This would be fine because I thought it would be nothing more than just background noise. Boy, was I wrong. Cute little Ali was full of surprises, yet again.

“Oh my God! I love this show. I never understood why it was Gilligan’s island and not the Professors or the Captains, or even the old rich couple. I mean if anyone had the money to buy an island it would be them, I mean I know they didn’t buy the island but still, just seemed weird he was just the skipper. And he was kinda a doof. Ginger was way prettier than Mary Anne, but I guess I can appreciate that...”

I planted my lips on her to get her to shut up. If I hadn’t she would have rambled forever, no doubt in my mind. I kissed her lustfully, and wrapped my arms around her in a huge embrace. She sighed into me. It was the first time she truly loosened up since she got here.

“I love you. My sweet, funny, adorable Ali.” The words tumbled out of my mouth.

She tore herself from my grasp. Sat right up. And stared at me as if I had three heads.

@nikkitasevoli @snewsome756 @llfd1977 @branded-with-a-j @letojokerownsme @lady-grinning-soul-k @lolainblue @msroxyblog @burritoverload @lostinletoland

[thesffcorner]

The King’s Men

The King’s Men is the third book in the All for the Game written by Nora Sakavic. If you haven’t read the previous two books, then first off, why are you reading this, second, I will SPOIL EVERYTHING that happens in them. Got it? Good. Let’s start. 

I read the Raven King and started writing a review, that I just couldn’t finish. I was so shell-shocked, so absolutely floored by the way that book ends, that I couldn’t put any of the things I felt into words, and by the time I felt I could write something, I had forgotten some of the things that happened in the first half of the book. I had no desire to reread it; I had no desire to read anything really, that’s how deep the reading slump that book threw me in was. I wasn’t sure I would ever finish the series. Well, finish the series I did, and I’m happy to say that this was my favorite book. In most ways I liked it the same as book 2, but the ending really bumped it up a notch higher than The Raven King. We pick up right after the end of book 2; Neil Josten somehow managed to survive the brutality of Edgar Allen, and is back in Palmetto State, at the same time that Andrew is released from the hospital. Things aren’t looking great for the team: now that Andrew is back and off his meds, the team is back to antagonism and their 2 separate groups, something they can’t afford if they have any hopes of making to the Championship. Moreover, now that the Moriyamas know who Neil is, he can no longer hide behind his identity, and his past might finally be catching up to him. I think it’s best to go through the same points I had for the first book, so let’s start with The Plot: This is the longest book, and as such it’s the most involved plot. Not only do we follow the preliminary rounds leading up to the Spring Championship, but we also have to deal with all the revelations from the previous book: what Rico does to his teammates, his constant threats and psychological warfare over the Foxes, Kevin’s guilt for abandoning Jean to Rico’s whims, Kevin’s parentage, Neil knowing about Kevin’s parentage and Rico and Kevin knowing the truth about Neil. There is also the fact that due to Rico’s intervention Neil is now visible to the public, and of course, Andrew being sober after 2 full years of medication. It’s a lot to cover, and for the most part, I think the book handles all of these threads well. Like always with this series, I have a lot of questions that I’m sure will never be answered, so let’s start with the most obvious: the mafia plot. I was surprised to see the plot with Neil’s dad culminating around the book’s midpoint; it’s resolved before any of the Championship stuff is, which was an odd choice. The Championship, as important as it is to Neil, is still just a game; his father on the other hand is a murderer who has spent the last 8 years trying to kill Neil, and has successfully killed his mother. This section of the book was the hardest for me to read; I don’t know what it is about Sakavic wanting for Neil to suffer the most gruesome violence, but the amount of abuse this poor child has gone through is almost insane, considering he’s 19. Maybe because of what happened to him in Edgar Allen I was more prepared for the torture in this, maybe it was because I finally got desensetised to the amount of abuse in these books, but I found this slightly less emotionally taxing to read than the ending of book 2. It’s still incredibly gruesome and if you are at all triggered by this kind of stuff, stay far far away from this book (though really what are you doing reading book 3 in a series). I am not squeamish about violence or torture, but even I needed to take breaks. How Nathan’s men find Neil was something I wasn’t super clear on, but what I especially wasn’t clear on was the aftermath. I genuinely thought Nathan might maim Neil, since I had no idea what could possibly happen to get him out of that situation, and when Stuart appeared, I was shocked. His character is set up, all the way back in book 1, but I had genuinely forgotten about him in the midst of everything else, and he was welcome reveal I had not seen coming. The plot with the FBI was just bizarre to me. I have heard of people who can refuse being put under witness protection before, so that wasn’t off putting; what was, was the Feds agreeing to not only bring the Foxes to Neil, but also allow Andrew to stay with Neil the whole time he is telling them his story! I find that very hard to believe; no agency in their right mind would want an unrelated party knowing so much sensitive information about an ongoing case. In the end, we also never find out what happens to the Butcher’s Kingdom? Did they ever catch Jensen and his brother? Then there are the Moriyamas. I found the scene between Ichorou and Neil kind of funny, in how hard it tried to paint Ichorou as this dangerous, violent man who commands so much respect, while also being described as barely a 20 year old. I did appreciate that Neil was still as sharp and clever as ever, and the way he spins the events of the past two books to not only make Coach Moriyama and Rico as the villains, but also secure a future for himself, Kevin and Jean was amazing. The ending was… interesting. Look, here’s the thing: Rico absolutely was a piece of shit. He was abusive, sadistic, arrogant, unhinged and violent, and he was never shown to have any kind of redeeming qualities or even the possibility of change. But he was also still a victim; Exy was all he had, all he would ever have, and his relentless desire to get noticed by his father was humanizing. He shared that one trait with Neil and seeing him being shown a single act of kindness by Ichorou and then immediately getting shot in the head before Neil was horrifying. The fact that Neil has no morsel of remorse for him too? That was cold. Like father like son. Also does this mean that Edgar Allen won’t be a prison anymore? Evermore is no longer the Moriyama domain? Is Ichorou washing his hands off of exy? Speaking of exy, all of my criticisms still stand. However, I will say that I got used to it enough to where I honestly didn’t care or notice how out of place it was anymore. With everything happening in this book, worrying about the intricacies of how exy tied into this world became irelevant. This didn’t make the games bad or irrelevant though; I enjoyed all of the matches, especially the last 3, where some strategies and positions were changed around. Having Neil play defense against Rico was sweet revenge; I also liked that the final goal was almost a non-presence, because Neil doesn’t even know it’s happening. He’s so tired and so lost in his head that he doesn’t even realize they’d won. Honestly, having people positioned as they were at the end of the book, I almost wanted to find out more of how the world of exy looked. With Jean going to UTC, the Ravens under new management, Renee, Alison, and Dan leaving Palmetto, and Neil as captain, it would have been fun to see how the sport and the game changed. Look at me, praising a fake sport that I hated so much in book 1. Characters: I don’t think anyone reads this series for exy though, let’s be real. No, the real draw are the characters, and the relationships between them. The bulk of the character development came down in book 2; book 2 was where we found out what Andrew’s backstory was, why he and Aaron hate each-other, Nicky’s family situation, Renee’s backstory, the fallout of Seth’s murder, everything to do with Rico, Kevin and Jean, and Wymack. This book builds on all of that; Neil takes front and center role, and I really liked that. He has finally accepted that he is the glue that holds the team together; even when he’s faced with his imminent death, his first priority is protecting Andrew and the rest of the Foxes, even if that means leaving them again, knowing full well his absence would destroy them. Neil constantly thinks of himself as selfish, because he’s been taught that wanting anything other than survival is selfish, but he’s nothing but selfless. Andrew puts it best, he has a martyr complex, and he genuinely wants to do right by everyone, even if that means having little to no regard for his physical safety. He risks abuse and injuries to get people to come together, and honestly, anyone who spends time trying to crack Andrew’s shell is a saint. I didn’t much care for the Foxes when I met them, but in this book, I had fallen in love with all of them. Dan was always great, though she takes a back seat here, mostly so we can have more time to get to know the rest of the cast. Renee was always the character I struggled with the most, but I liked her a lot here. I liked that she knew exactly when to push and when to leave things be, both with Andrew and Neil. I honestly wish we could have been in her perspective when she got Jean out of Evermore, that was such a badass scene. I liked Alison least in book 1, but I loved her here. She was an amazing character; I loved that she and Neil finally got a chance to talk and come to terms with Neil being responsible for Seth’s death, that she was allowed to be angry with Neil for the entirety for book 2. She is unapologetic about everything, from how hot, rich and done up she is, to how devoted and aggressive at exy she is too. I also loved that she was the one who got the trophy shelf. Matt was always my favorite character, and he was just a gem here. I always loved him the most out of the boys, and nothing has changed; he is as funny and kind, as ever, and he was always there for Neil, even when Neil wouldn’t admit he needed help. Also his reaction to the Maserati was priceless. Nicky was the one character who I was never sold on. He is the emotional core of the group in the sense that he gives Neil the push he needs to finally recontextualize his life and his priorities. He’s a man who just wants very badly to be liked and loved, and he’s constantly put in situations where he isn’t able to do that. Nicky was more prominent in book 2, though, so this book didn’t develop him any further. Kevin too was someone who got the bulk of his character development in book 2, but seeing him finally step into his own, stand up to Rico, take control over his life and get the 2 tattoo of his face was amazing. I loved that he got there gradually, but he still got there, and though he never became any more likable, it was so gratifying to see his growth. Aaron was the character I never liked, and I absolutely didn’t like him here either. That fight he has with Neil pissed me off so much, and I loved that Andrew picked Neil over Aaron, which at least showed me that he was a little more observant than he looked. Finally Andrew. Almost more than Neil, this series revolves around Andrew. Everything Neil does is to protect Andrew, which was a complete 180 from book 1, where Neil was willing to risk Andrew’s life just for a chance to play exy. Like Kevin, Andrew never becomes more likable, and his development is rather subtle and slight, but it’s still such a different place from where he started in book 1. He never truly becomes a good person, but he learns to accept people for the decisions that they make, and to let at least one other person in. His relationship with Neil was so well developed, that authors should learn how to write a good slowburn from it. The slow build of first begrudging trust, then friendship and finally romance was excellent, and for one I really didn’t mind the whole ‘I don’t care about gender, because I’m only attracted to you’ trope. I loved the revelation of Andrew’s photographic memory, because it tied so well with both his character and the scene where Neil asks him how Andrew can let anyone touch or kiss him after everything he’s been through. That he trusts Neil because he knows Neil would never do anything Andrew would say no to was really great. I also fucking called the whole he’s taking drugs for being a psychopath; it feels so good to be vindicated. Overall, I really enjoyed this final book. The series as a whole does have a lot of flaws, and it’s definitely an acquired taste, but I’m glad I read it. Each book kept getting better, and I feel like Sakavic really hit her stride with the second and this book in terms of her characters and plot. It’s a classic YA series for a reason, and I do recommend it if you can stomach the abuse/violence; I’d be curious to read anything else this author has in store.

[i-am-very-very-tired]

With the impending release of his fifth studio album — the first since the four-time platinum, Grammy-nominated 2016 Views — Drake has many questions surrounding him. Can he again move a million units in a week? Can he prove all the doubters wrong after two years of ghostwriting allegations? Can he top “Hotline Bling” or “One Dance”? Can More Life overtake Take Care as Drake’s undoubted classic album?

EDITOR'S PICKS

The Best Drake Album That Never Existed

CulturePlay: Rick Ross

Nike hijab opens the door for female athletes of all faiths

‘Get Out’s’ Kaluuya responds to Samuel L. Jackson’s comments about black British actors

25 Books To Save Your Life Right Now

But also, can he, like so many artists in 2016 — Beyoncé (Lemonade), Solange (A Seat at the Table), Rihanna (Anti), Kanye West (The Life of Pablo), Young Thug (Jeffery) — take risks on his new album, exposing a deeper version of himself? Drake and his legion of fans — and his seemingly equal number of detractors — are waiting with bated breath for March 18 to see what the 6 God has been cooking up. But before we can call the new project “classic” or “trash,” before we spend the next few weeks debating the best and worst tracks, here’s the most important question that Drake has to answer: Can he stop attempting to control women?

Over the past eight years, Drake’s built up a reputation as being the compassionate and less threatening (read: soft) rapper who appears on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, cuddles up with professional athletes, and gets tattoos of Aaliyah. He’s played the role of Nice Guy by constantly smiling, and apparently wearing his heart on his sleeve. This appeals to the sensitivities of the women in his fan base. But, as is often the case with these so-called nice guys, Drake plays the charmer — he’ll call you beautiful, open doors for you and send you smiley-face emojis — but the minute he has sex with you, or you move on to someone else, he turns into Michael Ealy in The Perfect Guy.

Drake’s corniness, outward kindness and lack of sexual aggression has been misinterpreted as an overarching respect for women. He’s even been referred to as a feminist. But Drake is as much a feminist as Rachel Dolezal is a black woman. His entire catalog is steeped in respectability politics, accepting women so far as their body count goes.

Those songs pale in comparison to “Shot For Me,” “Marvin’s Room” and “Practice.” They are Drake at his worst.

While he’s constantly praised Nicki Minaj over the years, Drake belittled the Grammy-nominated artist during his beef with her former boyfriend, Meek Mill — Is that a world tour or your girl’s tour? — implying that it’s emasculating for a man to receive second billing to his significant other.

ADVERTISEMENT

As with stars of rock and country music, almost every successful rapper today, from Jay Z to Future to Chance the Rapper, has at some point performed lyrics that objectify or exploit women. J.Cole’s music has taken on more social justice elements over the years (Drake has spoken out for black causes as well). But Cole, in a 2013 song, called women “b—–s” —I got smart, I got rich, and I got b—–s still/And they all look like my eyebrows: thick as hell — and patriarchally dismisses female sexuality on 2014’s “No Role Modelz”:

My only regret was too young for Lisa Bonet, my only regret was too young for Nia Long/Now all I’m left with is hoes from reality shows, hand her a script the b—h probably couldn’t read along

Even so-called progressive rappers fall into this trap, namely the androgynous Young Thug and the genderfluid Young M.A.

Sometime between Drake’s early rise and his third mixtape being converted into 2009’s So Far Gone, the rapper known for singing about his romantic feelings and the pressure of newfound fame — with a flow that made every 16 bars sound like the hottest verse ever — became his own worst enemy. Drake, known for hits like 2009’s “Best I Ever Had” and 2010’s “Find Your Love,” became synonymous with quote-heavy memes on social media, and fake Twitter accounts such as @drakkardnoir pumped out fake deep quote after fake deep quote.

But the rapper’s verses about loving and being proud of college-educated, independent women — Sound so smart like you graduated college/Like you went to Yale but you probably went to Howard — paved the way for hypermasculine diatribes against the sexual agency of seemingly any woman he’s ever encountered. Through an examination of Drake’s four studio albums, plus mixtapes, collaborative projects and guest features, it is clear that the man who made music for folks who couldn’t get over their exes was himself struggling with the basic concept of “moving on.”

While So Far Gone doesn’t count as a studio album — it was his final mixtape before signing with Universal Republic — it gave listeners a sneak peek into the troublesome lyrics Drake would release in subsequent years. On the soothing track “Houstatlantavegas,” he raps about “saving” an exotic dancer from a strip club:

You go get f—– up and we just show up at your rescue/Carry you inside, get you some water and undress you.

I give you my all and the next morning you’ll forget who or why, or how, or when/Tonight is prolly ’bout to happen all over again.

Thank Me Later, Drake’s 2010 debut studio album, features the rapper slut-shaming women for having previous sexual partners. From “Karaoke” (I hope that you don’t get known for nothing crazy/Cause no man ever wants to hear those stories ’bout his lady) to “Miss Me” (Work somethin’, twerk something, basis/She just tryna make it so she’s right here getting naked. I don’t judge her, I don’t judge her/But I could never love her) to “Thank Me Now” (Alohas to women with no ties to men/That I know well, that way there are no lies), Drake positions women with previous sexual experience as undesirable. On the Rihanna-assisted “Take Care,” he seems to open up to the idea of women having sexual agency, relenting I’ve asked about you and they told me things/But my mind didn’t change and I still feel the same.

Thank Me Later was also at times a celebration of independent women – appreciating women’s “book smarts and street smarts” on “Shut it Down” and “Fancy” — but set the foundation for 2011’s Take Care, which was, at that point, the peak of Drake’s overt misogyny and objectification of women. On Take Care, which won Drake a Grammy for best rap album — he continues his focus on sex workers with “Lord Knows”:

To all these women that think like men with the same intentions

Talking strippers and models that try to gain attention.

Even a couple porn stars that I’m ashamed to mention.

“Under Ground Kings” (Sometimes I need that romance, sometimes I need that pole dance/Sometimes I need that stripper that’s gon’ tell me that she don’t dance) even creates a binary of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. While Drake has an infatuation with exotic dancers, he also makes it clear that admiration only goes as far as sex. “Trust Issues,” which Drake said he made for “fun” and thus didn’t include on the album, has Drake playing into the thoroughly debunked myth that women can’t want sex as much as men, rapping And it’s probably why I’m scared to put the time in/Women want to f— like they’re me and I’m them.

Those songs, though, pale in comparison to “Shot For Me,” “Marvin’s Room” and “Practice.” They are Drake at his worst, going beyond the behaviors of the paternalistic and disapproving ex. He goes from telling a woman she’s drinking away the pain she feels due to leaving him on “Shot For Me” — Yeah, I’m the reason why you always getting faded — to cursing out another for finding happiness with a new lover on “Marvin’s Room” (F— that n—-a that you love so bad).

Despite admitting that he’s a flawed individual in the latter song, in the former he tells the woman that he “made” her and calls her a “b—-.” This then leads to Drake’s most confusing and disturbing song to date, “Practice.” While acknowledging that women can have sex — the song is about a woman having multiple partners — Drake then spins it to his advantage: All those other men were practice, they were practice/Yeah, for me, for me, for me, for me. He senses “pain and regret” in the woman from her past, and then reluctantly accepts the fact that she has casual sex. He tops the song off with an uncomfortable, familial request: You can even call me daddy, give you someone to look up to.

But, Drake can still change. His lyrics paint the picture of a man who is constantly questioning himself.

It’s 2016’s “Hotline Bling” that ignited the re-examination of Drake’s entire catalog. The song is the rapper’s second-best-selling single of all time (behind fellow Views track “One Dance”), and won him two Grammys at last month’s award show. Not to mention, the visuals for the song will go down in music history as one of the most memorable music videos of all time.

But while the chorus is equal parts infectious and mesmerizing, Drake sneaks in two verses and a bridge full of “reductive stereotypes” and body-policing lyrics about an old fling. Whether about said woman “wearing less and goin’ out more” or “going places where you don’t belong,” Drake makes it apparent that he’s offended that she has the audacity to move on with her life. By the end of the song, Drake’s become so desperate that he’s even concerned that the woman is “bendin’ over backwards for someone else.” Textbook narcissism.

His guest appearances have been a mixed bag as well. On rapper The Game’s 2011 track “Good Girls Go Bad,” Drake raps Who’s still getting tested?/Where’s all the women that still remember who they slept with? and a year later added to 2 Chainz’s “No Lie”:

She could have a Grammy, I still treat her a– like a nominee

Just need to know what that p—- like

So one time is fine with me.

Over the past couple of years, Drake has put out two mixtapes, a solo effort If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, and What A Time To Be Alive with Future. His male chauvinism can be found on tracks “Legend,” “Energy” and “Madonna” and repeatedly calls a woman “ungrateful” for living her life without him on “Diamonds Dancing.” As writer Tahirah Hairston pointed out, Drake has also had questionable lyrics on “Wu-Tang Forever,” “Own It,” “Furthest Thing,” “I’m The Plug” and even notable feminist Beyoncé’s “Mine.”

Back in October, Drake released three tracks from his upcoming More Life album — “Fake Love,” “Sneakin’,” and “Two Birds, One Stone.” Looking solely at those tracks, it appears Drake has let up a little on his control, instead rapping about success, fake friends and his long list of haters. Even his appearance on labelmate Nicki Minaj’s diss to Remy Ma, “No Frauds,” he steers clear of trying to preserve women’s sanctity.

For nearly a decade now, Drake has wrapped up his alarming lyrics inside catchy, Instagram-caption-worthy choruses and tunes. The “light-skinned Keith Sweat” gets away with this because he carefully crafted a “nice guy” persona that deflects the criticism that, say, a 21 Savage, Kodak Black or the Migos would receive.

For many men, Drake’s attitudes reflect their own attitudes and desires, which in turn reflect a patriarchal society that views women as sexual objects meant to be gazed at. For women, they’ve had to deal with sexism in the arts since the beginning of time, so choosing to not enjoy an artist because of his views on sexuality would mean giving up on music all together. And at the end of the day, Drake is just that good at his job, unquestionably the most influential and popular musician in the business right now.

But Drake can still change. His lyrics paint the picture of a man who is constantly questioning himself, consistently trying to become a better person, whatever that entails. From So Far Gone to More Life — age 22 to 30 — he’s learned all the lessons life can teach, from whom to trust to what forms of happiness money and fame can buy. But it seems he’s yet to learn that women aren’t sexual objects. They’re human beings. If the only women of the world were all exactly like the women he seems to respect — his mother or Rihanna or Aaliyah or Serena Williams — we’d call him Aubrey the Riveter. But, they aren’t the only women who deserve his respect.

He knows that. But it begs the question: Does he care?

Martenzie is a writer for The Undefeated. His favorite cinematic moment is when Django said "Y'all want to see somethin?"

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 2:

HOH: KRISTINE

EVICTED: NICKY (WALKED)

JESS:

Kristine being in power scares me shitless. I know I haven't exactly been the MOST social person in this game and I've been very UTR the last couple of days/ non existent but I always felt like I was good with Kristine. I don't know? I thought we talked a good bit at least in comparison to others.... but then after she won I called her the HBIC and homegirl told me she loved my ass kissing. That HOHITIS is real with this one ladies. I offered up my services as a potential person to work with moving forward and she ignored my offer. She literally swerved me. Straight up IGNORED me and focused on what I said about not being social. So there is a good chance I'm going up and if I don't go up it isn't because Kristine doesn't want it.. it'll probably be because others don't want it. At least I hope? I'm trying NOT to go into crisis mode on the second HOH but... old habits die hard? I think that's the quote? I think if I had to write a "trust list" for this game.. honestly.. I'm feeling really good about Kori. I THINK we could go far together and we'd balance out each other well. Obviously he's a good player and I'm going to need that on my side moving forward. Eve is obviously my #1 right now but it'd be naive on me not to believe that others aren't saying the same about her. I really like Andrew but we don't talk game? But I guess I can improve on that? Those are the 3 people I'm vibing with right now. 

KORI:

Ok so at this point I'm not entirely sure if I made a DR entry earlier or not, I planned on making a video but at this point it'd just get too long. Rehder going unanimously is STILL a meme to me but here we are. Kristine winning HoH was honestly alright for me because I feel like she and I have a reasonably good relationship. Though I'm not sure it could ever be something long term because she's likely working with people I have no desire to work with. (Dem, Chris, Brien, those guys.) Emma and I had a serious talk about long term what we wanna do about Eve since we seem pretty in agreement that the current dynamic is Jess and Mackenzie are Eve's Top 2 Bitches, and we're like probably the Bottom 2 Bitches. Personally I think the best time for Eve to go is like F7ish but obviously we need more time for things to progress to see where we sit. I think longterm the Mandela Monocles are a better alliance for me since I think I could sit next to Austin OR Silence and win. I just can't sit next to Gwen who I really think just has a better personality than me. With Kristine nominating Madison it... isn't really ideal for me, but Madison is also pretty isolated at this point. While we have that Mitten Connection, if she is lacking any connection with others in this game I can't go dragging my feet for her... That being said, I think eliminating Nicky this round, would not be like... the WORST thing ever. It'd just be a question of convincing Gwen that it's a good idea. Though the harder thing would be convincing others that keeping Madison is a good idea. While I like her, I'm not sure it's in my best interest to leave tracks trying to keep her in the game. Obviously it's gonna depend on how Veto goes, if noms stay the same I might push a little for a Nicky boot and see what happens, but if it's not gonna happen I'll just cut my losses. (Though with Nicky doing his thing he seems likely to dig his own grave.)

AUSTIN:

I am feeling very comfortable this week. I’m in the power trap alliance with Chris, Kristine, Dem, and Emma. I’m also in the Mandela Monocles alliance with Gwen, Silence, and Kori. Kristine is currently HoH so I don’t think she will put me on the block. I have suspicions that Emma is working with Eve because when we were playing the HoH competition, Emma refused to take Eve out. I’m just glad that one of my alliances is in power.

KRISTINE:

Love the alliance. So happy I won HOH and got to be in power. The veto comp didn’t go as well as planned tbh. I’m sooo upset that I didn’t do as well as I wanted I was up at 200 something and then lost it all over a very stupid roll. But it’s fine whether I win this or not I know I’ll get my way. Nicky is going home, let’s just hope he doesn’t win HOH. Don’t ever argue with the HOH when you’re the one on the block LOL!!!

NICKY:

CAN I LIVE? Can i fucking live? there are 16 other people in this and yet i got nommed for a stupid reason yet again. 

WILLIAM:

I'm so glad I escaped this week without being nominated!!! I feel so much better this week than last week! At the end of last week I thought for sure I was gonna leave pre-jury but now I feel like I've made so many real connections and I feel like I am in a great spot with many people

ANDREW:

episode 2 This could be super naive of me to say and a little cocky and i know it 100% IS but i feel like almost everyone in this game loves me besides nicky, i think im just playing a really good social game im scared of eve for some reason i feel like she is the only person possibly playing a better game than me. just get those competitive af vibes from her, i will not go after her unless she comes for me doe. shes super cute tho love her vibes, and I think me and Jess formed and alliance just now As of now Austin Jess and Chris are my top 3 in that order Update: I love Eve, we had an emotional heart to heart about STUFF, ill never forget it and i appreciate her for it so much, even if we don't end up being on the same side in this game together, the bitch is dope. I fucking love these noms dude, my 2 least favorite people sittingpretty on the block and i had nothing to do with it. HORNY cuz they wont even be coming for me. I hope nicky fucking bombs veto. "i cant talk to all 16 of u at once" ya....nobody fuckin asked you too but kristines point is sometimes a simple HELLO can save u from being nominated But regardless im proud of her and her tatse. * has one mixed drink and suddenly wants to fight nicky for no reason * oops i apologized to him and i didn’t even read anything from last night after what i said bc embarrassment. idc if he accept my apology, just wanted to throw it out there so i don’t look like a total douche

CHRIS:

Well week Number two and I’m in two separate alliances, have House majority, close with a few women, beyond the game have final choose with multiple people, should not be on the block for a long time, while slowly running this game behind the scenes with Myself. This backseat life is the best life

GWEN:

Hiiii. So looks like Nicky is going home tonight. He kind of dug his own grave. He was such a party pooper during our house game on Friday. Sooo. Yeah. I’m closest with Kori and Chris - getting closer to Chris for sure. What is it with me and Chris’s in ORGs? I need to get back to work. That is all for now :)

MACKENZIE:

i really gotta uhhhhh try harder bc i feel on the lowest end of the Entire Totem Pole. i feel like if i won smthn that would change but i’m a flop so

DEM:

I actually would have kept Nicky if he had the numbers. I wish he didn't quit. I think he messed up by throwing names around, because some people actually wanted to keep him...

EMMA:

if u cant handle the heat nicky why did u sign up.. quitting is worst then getting evicted.

TAWNI:

Ok since I was out of it last round time for my cast assessment now. Since this was due prior to Nicky quitting I’ll include him Nicky - I forgot he existed week one. Actually sad he quit and was gonna leave cause he was entertaining arguing with Kristine Gwen - I love Gwen. She allows me to not be the official grandma of the game. She is very sociable which is scary. But I think I can trust her. Austin - automatically meh about him cause of his name. Pretty forgettable honestly. Mackenzie - nice gal. Nothing negative to say. Haven’t talked much. Jess - the person I’m most terrified of. When I realized she is THE boojess like fuck me. I’m scared. I feel like as long as I don’t get on her bad side I’m good. William - seems like a good kid. Kristine - I’m v intimidated by her. She won hoh and veto and seems like a very smart player. She makes me nervous. Silence - who???? Brien- ok this kid. I’m doing what I can to get him to trust me. I know he is a loyal person. But am I the person he is loyal to? Or is it someone else? How do I make sure I am that person? Dem - nothing really to say MADISON - I love her sooooooooo much. She’s like the light of my life honestly and if I find out something different I’m gonna cry. Like I feel like a betrayal from her will hurt the most in this game. Andrew - okay first off......damn. I’m aware of his sexual orientation but boy sent me a photo so I could see his tattoos and DAMN!!! I need me a straight one of him. But he is a fun character I like him. Chris - I think I freaked him out when I sent him a long message about how I’m scared of cops. But I didn’t go up week one so that happened. I’m hoping I can work my way into his good graces later. Emma - seems like a sweet gal. I enjoy her. Kori - nothing to say sorry

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Happy early Valentine’s Day! This is for @whimsyalice as part of @aftgexchange!!! Yay!!! I wanted to include all your fave ships/characters, so this is more Foxes nonsense than ships! Hope you enjoy! :) 

Use this post for reference

It starts on a Monday. The locker room is a cacophony of chattering voices as the Foxes all arrive for afternoon practice, everyone still thrumming with excitement from Friday night’s win. Neil follows the group in and past the lounge. Allison and Renee have their arms linked and heads bowed together as they make their way into the girls’ changing room. Dan and one of the freshman girls are close behind them, not even pausing their lively conversation as they disappear behind the door. Andrew pushes past the door for the men’s changing room, Neil behind him. Matt and Nicky are hot on their heels and arguing about some television show as Neil makes his way to his locker.

“I’m telling you,” Nicky says. “He’s dead.”

“No way!” Matt argues. “He’s gonna pop up next season. You’ll see.”

“Are you sure we watched the same episode?”

“They can’t just kill off a fan favorite like that!”  

Neil tunes them both out and spins the combination into his locker lock. When he pulls the door open, something falls out and clatters to the floor. There’s a moment where Neil’s heart stutters to a painful halt in his chest, his breath clogging up his throat. Somewhere in the back of his mind, memories he’s long buried try to sink their claws back in. He has to close his eyes for a moment before he can focus again. Neil slowly looks down only to find a plastic knife at his feet. He blinks a few times in confusion before reaching down and picking it up. He turns it over in his hand and sees Justin Mattews scrawled in sharpie across the handle. As far as threats go, this one definitely makes the least amount of sense. Neil gives his brain another minute to come up with a possible explanation, but when it comes up blank, he holds the plastic knife out towards Andrew in a silent question.

“Neil! What’re you doing? You’re not supposed to tell anyone who you have!” Nicky exclaims from across the row of lockers.

“Murder season is finally upon us,” Matt says. “Let the chaos begin and may the best person win.”

Neil turns to find that both Nicky and Matt also have a plastic knives in their hands. He glances down at the one nestled in his own palm again, feeling even more confused.

“Um… murder season?” Neil ask.

“It’s this game where—”

“Let’s go, maggots!” Wymack’s voice cuts Matt off from outside the changing room. “If you’re not on my court in five, I’ll drag your asses onto it.”

“We’ll explain it later,” Matt assures before turning back to his locker to get his gear out.

Neil can still feel endless questions swirling around his head and gnawing their way to the forefront of his mind, but he figures they will just have to wait. He shoves the plastic knife into his jeans pocket and turns back to his own locker.

Unfortunately, later ends up being much later. With spring championships right around the corner, Wymack and Dan work the Foxes hard between drills and scrimmages, leaving little time in between for chatting. And once practice ends, Neil needs to be fast out of the locker room for once, so he can head back to campus and catch the tail end of his professor’s office hours.

Practice had helped supress the lingering confusion over the plastic knife and apparent “murder season”, Neil’s mind focused on drills and footwork and helping Dan get the new freshman ready for championships. Once on campus, though, those thoughts are back in a flash. It’s like between morning classes and now, the entire campus has done a 180. He watches a group of girls pass him, arms linked and huddled together like some sort of pack. Across the Green, there’s two guys he recognises as members of the basketball team walking around in nothing but towels wrapped around their waists. Neil’s almost made it to the languages building when there’s a war-cry from his right. He looks over just in time to see a girl jump down from a tree at an unsuspecting student, a plastic knife brandished in her hand. No one else around Neil seems concerned—some students even cheer at the spectacle— so Neil just shakes his head and pushes inside the building.

By the time Neil makes it back to Fox Tower, it’s well into the evening. He takes the elevator up to the third floor only to walk straight into a sheet hanging from the ceiling. He splutters around the fabric and pushes it aside only to be greeted by a dark hallway. After a few blinks, Neil’s eyes adjust, but he still uses the wall to help guide him to his room.

Inside him room, most of the Foxes are scattered about and waiting, Neil remembering belatedly that it’s their turn to host movie night. Renee and Allison have claimed the armchair to curl up in, their legs layered over one another and shoulders pressed together. Kevin is sitting on one edge of the couch and Andrew the other. Matt has taken up space on the floor with his back against the couch, but Dan isn’t beside him. Instead, the team’s captain is perched on Neil’s desk by the window, her eyes occasionally narrowing and sweeping across the room. Before Neil can ask, the door reopens behind him and Nicky and Aaron come striding in. Much like the basketball players on campus, Nicky is wearing only a towel.

Neil doesn’t even know where to begin.

“So this murder season is…?”

“Murder is a game that happens every year on campus,” Dan explains. “Everyone gets a plastic knife with someone’s name written on it. You have to ‘kill’ the person.”

“Basically just poke them and say ‘you’re dead’,” Matt chimes in.

“Once you’re dead, you have to hand over your own knife to your killer. Eventually, one person is left standing alive with all the knives. They win.”

“What exactly do they win?” Neil asks.

“A bottle of top shelf vodka and infinite bragging rights,” Nicky says.

“There are rules, though,” Renee says. “You can’t ‘kill’ someone in their own room or in the dining hall. You also can’t ‘kill’ them when they’re naked.”

“Which is why some people cheat and walk around in a towel so they can drop it at any time and be immune,” Allison adds with an eye roll.

“It’s not cheating. It’s called using my resources,” Nicky argues.

“Whatever you want to call it, it didn’t work. You’re dead.”

Everyone turns to see Aaron pressing a plastic knife into Nicky’s arm, his cousin’s face a mix of shock and appalment.

“Ha! Serves you right!” Allison calls. She quiets down when Renee places a placating hand on her arm, but her expression is still smug.

“Et tu, Brute?” Nicky says, pushing the knife away from his skin.

“Just hand over your knife,” Aaron says.

“So people take this pretty seriously?” Neil asks, turning back to the upperclassman.

“Oh, yeah,” Matt says. “It gets intense. I’m sure you noticed how the soccer team unscrewed all the lightbulbs in the hall.”

“That’s for this murder game?”

“It’s hard to ‘kill’ someone if you can’t see them,” Renee points out.

“It’s part of their strategy,” Matt continues. “Everyone has a different one. Dan is a firm believer in the lone wolf one.”

“Trust no one, kid,” Dan chimes in.

“Or you could be like Renee and Allison who team up every year. Tell each other who’s on their knives and help one another. They actually almost won last year.”

“Stupid fucking Riley,” Allison mutters.

“You have to admit, her plan was quite clever,” Renee says.

“What did she do?” Neil asks.

“Bought off Rocky Foxy,” Nicky, who is apparently done sulking, answers. “Dressed up as the mascot herself and then got both of them after a game.”

“It was actually kind of beautiful,” Matt says, his tone going a bit wistful.

“And it’s why you can trust no one,” Dan adds, giving another suspicious sweep of the room as if emphasizing her point.

“Right…”

Neil decides to retreat to the kitchen after that. He hears the movie start up, and starts rooting around in the fridge for something quick to whip up. He’s just pulling out cheese and butter when Matt comes in, tugging a slightly reluctant Dan behind him.

“Listen,” Matt says, pitching his voice low. “I need both your help.”

“With what?” Neil asks, pulling out a skillet and grabbing the bread.

Matt casts a look over his shoulder before he pulls Dan even closer, crowding Neil in against the stove.

“I got Andrew,” Matt whispers.

Neil is confused until he glances down. There in Matt’s palm is a plastic knife with a now familiar sharpie scrawl, only the name is different. When Neil looks up again, Dan has her lips pressed together and her eyes are wide with pity. She reaches out and gives Matt a gentle pat on the shoulder.

“There’s always next year, babe.”

“No! I refuse to lose. I just need a good plan. That’s why I need you both.”

Dan’s face is a perfect mask of scepticism, one eyebrow raised and mouth pinched at the corner. Matt lets out a sigh at her reaction before turning his pleading eyes on Neil, but the striker merely shrugs and goes about preparing his dinner.

“Aw come on! You’ll help me, Neil. Won’t you? Maybe you could like be the bait or something. Bros before hoes, right?”

“What?”

“Never mind. Why did I think you would get that reference?”

Another sigh falls past Matt’s lips and then silence blankets the kitchen. Neil uses the opportunity to finish making his grilled cheese. By the time he’s grabbed a plate and a glass of water, Matt’s face is still scrunched up in thought and Dan has retreated back to the others. Occasionally, Matt’s eyebrows shoot up and his mouth opens before he shakes his head and goes back to the same expression. Neil gives him a few more minutes to see if the backliner will say anything else before returning to the living room with his food. He’s halfway done before Matt finally returns.

Once Neil is finished, he takes his dishes back to the kitchen, but when he returns, Andrew has abandoned his spot on the couch. Neil takes one glance at the film playing on the television before heading for the door. He feels like he should be more surprised than he is when Matt follows him out. And more surprised still when he pushes open the door to the stairwell open, only to find a member of the soccer team crouched just inside with a plastic knife clutched to his chest. Instead, Neil takes it all in stride and takes the stairs up to the roof. Andrew is in his usual spot perched along the edge, the only light coming from the end of the cigarette balanced between his lips. Neil only casts one last glance behind him at Matt before he heads over to take up his usual spot, accepting the cigarette Andrew holds out to him.

“You even think about it, Boyd, and I’ll push you over the edge,” Andrew says once Neil is seated.

“Right. Yeah. Leaving,” Matt mutters, before the slamming of the roof doors signals his exit.

“You know he has—” Neil starts.

“I know.”

They fall quiet then. The only sound the low hum of students still on campus and the cars from the interstate wafting on the breeze. The smoke from their cigarettes swirls around them, and Andrew is warm and solid at Neil’s shoulder. After a few more minutes, he finds himself pulling the plastic knife from his pocket and thumbing over the name there.

“Planning on participating?” Andrew asks.

“I haven’t decided yet. I think I’d do quite well. This kind of skill set is right up my alley.”

“Survived enough real murder to take on fake murder?”

“Exactly.” Neil turns his cigarette over between his fingers. “I’d split the prize vodka with you.”

Andrew doesn’t say anything, just takes another drag of his cigarette. Neil is content to sit in comfortable silence, so he turns his attention back towards the campus and the twinkling of the street lamps there.

The Foxes were right in that the rest of week descends into chaos as the Murder game takes over PSU. Some students have taken to running across campus at full sprints to avoid being ‘murdered’ while other creep along the halls sideways with their back pressed along the walls so that no one can sneak up on them. Neil isn’t sure why his teachers even bother teaching with the numbers of disruptions during class. One student even ninja rolls into his math class to take out someone. The only place that seems relatively sane is the dining hall, and even there, students huddle anxiously by the doors, afraid to leave the safety of immunity.

And yet there’s something almost calming buried underneath the insanity. Like some sort of normalcy where murder really is only a game. So Neil decides to join in. And he decides to play to win.

Neil uses the break between his morning classes and afternoon practice on Tuesday to track down Justin Mattews, and he’s able to get him right as he’s leaving the fine arts building. His next mark, Rachel Watters, is easier to find, and Neil is able to ‘kill’ her in the café by the library.

On Wednesday, Dan takes out Kevin during morning workouts. She ignores her lone wolf strategy long enough to jump into Matt’s arms in victory and to high five the whole team. Neil has to use his hand to stifle his smile at Kevin’s glower. The rest of the day is filled with more chaos, and by the end, Neil has taken out two basketball players, a Vixen, and a student in his writing class.

Neil takes immense joy when he gets to corner Aaron on Thursday and ‘kill’ him. But at the end of that day’s afternoon practice, Allison and Renee take out Matt and Dan respectively before striding out of the locker room hand in hand.

On Friday, Neil takes out another Vixen after their win at home, and by the time Saturday rolls around, he has a comfortable pile of plastic knives on the dresser in his room.

Neil shakes away the excess ash from his cigarette before he twirls it between his fingers. He and Andrew are once again up on the roof. This night is the coldest it’s been all week, so Neil presses in closer than usual, hoping to leech off some of the goalkeeper’s heat.

“I finally got the knife with Allison’s name on it,” Neil says. “I think it’s getting down to the last few people. I might actually win.”

Andrew hums noncommittedly and takes another drag of his cigarette.

“I’d still share the vodka with you.”

“Or I could just have it all to myself.”

Neil opens his mouth, about to ask what Andrew means, when he feels the press of something against his hand. He looks down to see a plastic knife pressing into his skin. It takes a moment and a couple of shocked blinks before Neil drags his gaze back up. Andrew is gazing right back at him.

“You’re dead.”

“Does this mean you finally fulfilled the percentage of time you want to kill me?” Neil asks, trying to swallow down the teasing lilt that tries to bleed into his tone and hold back the smile tugging at his lips.

“Now you’re at 218%.”

[jirouchan]

AFTG Valentine’s Exchange

A gift for @butterflieswith-puncturedwings for the @aftgexchange

I was not going to enter with a fic at first because I am not a very good writer (and English is my second-or-actually-third language) but the assignment got me the idea and I couldn’t resist. Hope you like it!

The prompt: Andrew, Renee, and Neil doing stuff together. Precisely, they cook. Somewhat. I dunno. (With little bits of side Renison and Matt and Dan and other Foxes and even mentions of bets, I tried to include at least some). Also, there are two Instagram entries to go with the text.

Available on AO3

The recipes I used (but I changed them slightly for the text’s purposes):

Espresso Martini Cupcakes

Ferrero Rocher Cupcakes

Neil looked at the disaster on the table. The recipe he found online said it was the easiest thing in the universe to do but Neil had somehow messed it up anyway. What he now has before him has chocolate all over it and some of the cupcakes crumbled the moment he tried to get them out of the pan. The only thing that stayed whole in those was the hazelnuts from Ferrero Rocher chocolate he put inside.

The worst thing in all that—Neil isn’t really sure what exactly he did wrong. He eyes the bag in the corner of the kitchen. Ever too cautious, he actually bought extra ingredients, and if he could ask anyone what went wrong without it making the team news he might be able to actually do it right the second time.

Neil looked at the disaster on the table. The recipe he found online said it was the easiest thing in the universe to do but Neil had somehow messed it up anyway. What he now has before him has chocolate all over it and some of the cupcakes crumbled the moment he tried to get them out of the pan. The only thing that stayed whole in those was the hazelnuts from Ferrero Rocher chocolate he put inside.

The worst thing in all that—Neil isn’t really sure what exactly he did wrong. He eyes the bag in the corner of the kitchen. Ever too cautious, he actually bought extra ingredients, and if he could ask anyone what went wrong without it making the team news he might be able to actually do it right the second time.

Kevin is in a beanbag watching a game on his laptop but his eyes follow Neil when Neil strides past him, hands covered with chocolate and batter under his short-cut nails. Neil doesn’t stop to explain. He only stops in the bathroom on the way because Allison would kill him if he damaged the new smartphone she bullied him (and, consequently, Andrew) into buying.

Among all the boys in the team, except Andrew, Nicky would most certainly indulge in something as sweet as cupcakes so he could be of help. But Nicky has that lack of brain-to-mouth filter and a whole team or even campus will know Neil is making cupcakes the moment Nicky hears of it. And although the times passed when Neil jumped at every bit of attention, he still does not enjoy being the center of it. Also, both team and campus include Andrew. Calling Nicky is out of the question.

Aaron has Katelyn to cook for him, and anyway Neil would never go to Aaron with this. Jarring comments, ridicule, and complete lack of help wouldn’t be worth the effort.

Matt said himself that he couldn’t cook a decent meal to save his life.

Dan could help, Neil thinks, but she and Matt have their Valentine’s date today and Neil doesn’t want to interrupt them. They don’t have a lot of dates, with exy and how messed up a team the Foxes are and all that.

Allison, aside from being a social media star and posting every moderately interesting thing happening around (and Neil cooking cupcakes is not just moderately interesting) on Twitter and Instagram, probably never really cooked, Neil ponders. Not that she can’t, per se, but Neil is sure she wouldn’t really enjoy the process. And she has Renee to cook for her.

Right, Renee. That is his best shot.

“Neil?” Renee sounds surprised when she accepts the call. “Is everything okay?”

“Er, yeah?” Neil answers, a bit puzzled. Then he tries to count the times he called Renee and comes out empty. He pushes the sudden guilt deeper inside. “Sorry to bother you but I might use a little help if you’re not busy? A cooking advice.”

He thinks this would result in a minute silence as everyone knows Neil never really cooks but Renee just ‘sure’s casually.

“Should I leave the room or you’re okay with Allison eavesdropping?” she asks instead.

Neil stalls for a second.

“Errr. If she promises to not say a word at least till evening...”

“She does,” Renee says without losing a beat, undoubtedly taking Allison’s phone and netbook from her. The loud “Hey!” is proof enough.

“So what happened?”

“I messed up some cupcakes but I don’t know what I did wrong. Can’t really try again before I find out?”

He knows he sounds more uncertain than he usually allows himself to. He can’t bring himself to care. This is Renee, after all, she’ll understand.

“What kind of cupcakes?” Renee asks.

“Chocolate ones” Neil answers the same time Allison shouts ‘That’s a stupid question, the monster eats chocolate like he can’t get fat’ from somewhere in the room with Renee. She really is eavesdropping.

“No, not the flavor. You used a cake mix, I think? So what kind. And also how the cakes turned out exactly,” she is silent for just a second before continuing. “Maybe I should come to your room and see? That would be more accurate. And I could supervise you.”

Why didn’t Neil think of it himself from the start?

“That would be great! I mean, if you’re not busy”

“I’m not. Be there in a couple minutes”

“Thanks, Renee” Neil says. He feels a bit more confident.

She murmurs ‘nevermind’ and hangs up and Neil heads back to the kitchen to get the extra ingredients unpacked.

Except when he gets there, Andrew is standing at the kitchen door observing the mess Neil left. Kevin stands behind Andrew, and Nicky, too, taps something with his phone and giggles. He beams instantly when he spots Neil.

“Awwwww, Neil! Were you making Valentine’s cupcakes for Andrew? You’re the best boyfriend ever!”

Andrew is silent. Well, Andrew is silent most of the time, but Neil learned to interpret his silence, both for himself and for the team (he has a lot of practice with the youngest members). This silence is unimpressed. Andrew’s voice is equally unimpressed when he turns to look at Neil.

“You’re a loser.”

“I thought you had classes,” is all Neil can say to that.

“Kevin called.” Andrew answers. “Said you’re trying to burn down the dorm. Probably was scared you’ll do it with him inside.”

Kevin scowls as he points at Neil accusingly.

“You left the oven on,” he says.

“And instead of getting me in my room, you called Andrew,” Neil answers, crossing his arms and scowling back at Kevin.

‘You spoiled the surprise’ he wants to say but doesn’t. Kevin just ‘hump’s and returns to his laptop.

A tentative tap at the door announces Renee, giving Neil an excuse to not stand there longer staring at Andrew’s back. Renee has Allison’s laptop under her arm and a bag in her hand at which Neil blinks in surprise.

“I thought you might not have some handy tools,” she smiles at him. The smile doesn't falter one bit when she spots Andrew. It never does and Neil is always infinitely grateful for that. Except, for a change, he would prefer it if Andrew was still in class.

“Hi Andrew. Will you join us?” Renee slides into a kitchen as if it is not strange at all for either of the boys to cook cupcakes with her in their kitchen.

To Neil’s surprise, Andrew follows Renee to the kitchen. That’s when Neil notices the bags in his hands. Didn’t Andrew come straight from class?

While Renee rummages in their fridge and lines everything she’ll need, Andrew deposits the bags on the cabinet and goes to wash his hands. Neil pokes into one of the bags to find oranges there, some tangerines, and other fruit. The second bag has alcohol—they run out of vodka a couple days ago when they celebrated a winning streak.

Andrew comes back dressed in his sweats and a t-shirt, the ever-present armbands covering his scars the same as Neil’s do but his sleeves rolled up. He pushes Neil to the chair.

“Sit there.”

Nicky is near Neil in a blink, with a stupidly delighted expression on his face and a phone still in his hand.

“I need a close-up of those!” he shouts and all but jumps around in delight. Neil imagines there is some kind of bet again on his and Andrew’s relationship and Nicky might have won it. Which does not prevent Nicky from being genuinely happy for them but is probably still true.

Andrew surely comes to the same conclusion as he shows Nicky out of the kitchen with a hand on Nicky’s face. Nicky still manages to get a photo of a disaster that is Neil’s attempt on cupcakes.

Renee separates the cupcakes on two plates, the completely ruined and the slightly better ones.

“You should throw them all out,” Neil says to Renee. She smiles at him and puts the plates on a windowsill.

“Most are still edible, just a bit messy,” she says. “If you want, I can take them to a charity dinner I go to sometimes. But I think they are not that bad.”

Neil nods to whatever Renee wants to do with the cupcakes and tries to stand up.

“So what exactly did I do wrong and where do we start now?”

“Oh, I think you maybe just put too much batter in some molds and too little in others,” Renee points to the crumbled cakes. “These ones got a bit overcooked and dry. And then you tried to pour chocolate over them before they cooled down so it melted too much. This is not a major mistake, you did great for the first time.”

Andrew snorts at that.

“What?” Neil turns to him, feeling irritated.

“It’s not that easy to mess up cupcakes,” Andrew says, putting two oranges on the table, then he points Neil back to the chair. “Sit there.”

“I’m making cupcakes with Renee,” Neil says. Andrew rolls his eyes and shows Neil to the chair. He points to the oranges and gives Neil a peeler.

“Peel.”

“What?”

“You’re making cupcakes. Peel.”

Neil’s puzzled expression is met by Andrew’s bored one.

“Orange zest adds to the flavor,” Renee helps. “It’s not necessary and is not often in recipes but it goes well with chocolate.”

As Renee starts to prepare the cake mix, Neil watches Andrew mixing some flour with milk before he takes the dish where Neil mixed whipping cream with chocolate chips and vanilla and he adds there some more of those too.

“What are you doing, Andrew?” Neil asks, finished peeling the second orange.

Andrew casts a side glance at him and points to the orange.

“Eat those. We don’t need them.”

Then he takes the mixer and Neil can’t really ask anything over the sound. Renee seems to understand Andrew, though, as she takes another dish too and separates the dough she made into two parts.

Neil feels stupid over the whole situation: he wanted to surprise Andrew with chocolate cupcakes covered with chocolate and with more chocolate on the top (he thought of Andrew the moment he saw the recipe) and now it looks like Andrew will make the cupcakes for himself by himself, if with a bit of Renee’s help. And Neil will only peel oranges. And eat them.

“Neil,” Andrew turns off the mixer. “Make strong coffee.”

“What?” Neil asks for what feels like tenth time in the last half an hour. Andrew gets a bottle of vodka and one of whiskey from the bag he brought.

“Espresso martini cupcakes. Except not martini,” he explains as he pours couple of spoons of both whiskey and vodka into one of the bowls with dough and into the cream he made earlier. Then he swings some of the whiskey right from the bottle before putting it aside. As he proceeds to mix one and then the other, Renee takes the peel Neil got off the oranges and grates it into the dough without alcohol.

Neil feels his nerves slowly calming at Andrew giving him orders. Andrew does not think Neil is all that unhelpful. It still stings a little that he couldn’t manage the cupcakes on his own but it’s okay. It’s not the last time.

So Neil makes coffee (stronger than they usually drink). Renee takes the mixer from Andrew and mixes the dough. Neil watches Andrew lick the cream from his fingers, reluctant to wash off even a bit of sweetness and alcohol. Somehow, from Andrew this does not look as lewd as Neil thought it would. But he still wants to lick it from Andrew’s fingers himself. He feels heat coming up his neck but with Renee in the room, he just chews on his lip and does nothing.

“Renee, you have coffee extract at yours?” Andrew asks when Renee turns off the mixer.

“Yes. Need some?” Renee turns to Andrew as Andrew nods, Neil trailing his movements from the corner of his eye.

They have the extract too, and Andrew must know this. Maybe Andrew noticed his hungry stare after all.

“I’ll go get it then,” Renee says and exits the room.

Neil hears the coffee pot signaling ready but he ignores it, instead making a step towards Andrew.

Andrew has some cream splatters left on his neck and near his left ear.

“Andrew, yes or no?”

“Yes,” Andrew turns to him with one eyebrow raised and he hisses silently when Neil drags his tongue from Andrew’s neck up. The skin is salty after a day and sweet from cream. It tastes uniquely of Andrew and Neil loves it.

They do not exactly have a lot of time before Renee comes back; they kiss like it’s their first or the last time and Andrew bites Neil’s lip when they part.

Renee’s approach this time is announced by Allison who strides in the main room and clearly heads for her phone. Her voice is loud enough for Neil to hear despite the closed door.

“What the fuck, Hemmick! I was the one who knew this first, how is it you who posted it?”

“The perks of being a family!” Nicky sing-songs.

Neil steps away from Andrew right when Renee enters the kitchen with a small bottle she hands to Andrew.

“What’s that all about?” Neil asks Renee as the bickering in the room continues, albeit a little quieter.

“Nicky posted a picture of your cupcakes on Instagram,” Renee looks somewhat sorry yet happy nevertheless. Neil wonders how she does that for only a second before her words sink in. Then he fishes his phone from his pocket.

The picture at the top of his feed is from Matt, actually. It’s a photo of a kid in a fox hoodie complete with ears and tail. The caption says “we need to buy this for neil!!”. It has several dozens of likes already and comments in a venue of “yes please!” from a team youngsters. Neil types “what the hell boyd it’s a kid’s costume!” before continuing to scroll.

Nicky’s photo is several exy-related entries later. Nicky got the very end of the plate with ugly cupcakes but he made some decorations on it, stars and hearts and glitter and wrote “BOYFRIEND OF THE YEAR!!!!!” there with an unimaginable number of happy emoticons. Neil scowls at the picture but can’t find words to comment. Despite the embarrassment, he feels delighted too. Of course, Nicky is just over dramatic like he always is but it still makes Neil feel warm and fuzzy inside to be called that.

He contemplates for a bit before finally posting a facepalm and “Please Nicky delete it”. He hears Nicky’s “NO I WON’T” from the room and then the same appears below Neil’s comment on the screen. Neil sighs and turns the screen off—he did try.

Andrew is mixing whiskey and vodka into coffee when Neil looks around, and Renee finishes mixing coffee extract into Andrew’s part of the dough it seems. She then turns around and asks.

“Neil, want to distribute the dough?”

“Is it okay?” he asks. That was one of the things he did wrong before, wasn’t it?

“Sure. Just use ice cream scoop to make them the same size.”

Andrew doesn’t seem to object as he stands near the cabinet and sips whiskey (this time from a glass) while Neil scoops the dough from one dish and then the other and puts it into cupcake moulds.

They don’t have enough Ferrero chocolates left to put both inside and on top of the cakes so they decide on top only. Then Renee puts two pans into the oven.

“Cream?” Renee asks as she puts the mittens off.

As Andrew pushes from the cabinet and goes for the bowls of cream he catches a hem of Neil’s t-shirt and tugs it for Neil to follow. Andrew shows the bowl with chocolate chips into Neil’s hands.

“You did this before.”

Renee takes a clean bowl and mixes butter and sugar there while Neil and Andrew stand together over the stove whipping cream in their cream bowls. They are so close that Neil feels the heat of Andrew’s body radiating from him stronger than the heat of the burner.

“You’ll burn it, idiot,” Andrew hits him lightly in the shin with his socked foot.

Well, maybe that heat is the oven. Neil gets back to whipping. His cream is ready in what feels like no time at all. But then Andrew finishes just a minute later.

They sit in silence while Renee finishes mixing and Neil digs out his phone again. The mention pops out on his screen. It’s a reply to his comment to Matt’s photo of a kid’s costume.

@aaronmminyard: @neiljosten you’ll fit just fine.

“Sometimes I think how Aaron can be this stupid when he’s actually really smart,” Neil muses out loud showing the comment to Andrew behind.

Andrew snorts. At Neil’s words or Aaron’s comment, Neil does not know. Maybe both.

Neil types “@aaronmminyard now you’re one to talk” and shows that to Andrew too. Andrew grunts. That’s some reaction.

Neil’s feed is mostly Foxes and some other players, and a couple exy-related magazines and shops with their own Instagram accounts. He scrolls through it mindlessly feeling Andrew’s fingers on his collar. Then his presence is suddenly gone from behind Neil’s chair and he moves to the door.

“You need a smoke?” Renee asks before Neil can.

Andrew probably nods and leaves because Renee sits down with a glass of water.

“You can go too, you know,” she says to Neil. “I’ll take out the cakes and they will still need to cool down.”

“No, I—”

“Neil,” Kevin calls standing in the door Andrew left open. “Watch the latest game with me.”

Neil looks Kevin up and down thinking. He’s not really in the mood for a game. He’s making cupcakes. And he wants to go kiss Andrew senseless. Or Andrew kiss him senseless. There are too many people in their dorm when he planned to drive Kevin out tonight and have the evening to himself and Andrew. A surprise party for two. Which, by the way, Kevin ruined.

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” He stands up anyway but turns to Renee. “You sure it’s okay?”

When she smiles kindly Neil strides past shocked Kevin into the room and then to their bedroom. On his way, Allison shouts to Kevin’s back:

“You owe me ten bucks!”

Andrew is at his usual place smoking into the window.

“So what was that all today?” Andrew asks after a minute of silence as Neil pushes himself to sit at the desk near Andrew’s legs.

“Thought I’d make a surprise,” he says.

“You know I hate surprises.” Andrew’s voice is low as he takes a drag from his cigarette.

Neil knows that. And he also knows what kind of surprises are those that Andrew hates. Neil looks down and swings his legs a little.

“Just a few cupcakes, booze, and some kissing and stuff if you felt like it. I thought I could be the one arranging us time alone for a change.”

“How were you going to get rid of Kevin?” Andrew casts Neil a glance as he exhales the smoke and inhales ones more.

“Push him onto Nicky. Erik’s working tomorrow, and the time difference is not favorable for Skype calls. They had their Valentine’s talk in the morning.”

Matt complained about that ‘talk’ to Neil when they were in the gym. Said Nicky woke him up and Matt had to escape to the girls’. And Matt and Dan aren’t going to be back tonight, too.

A silence that follows is filled with emotions.

“I hate you.”

“That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t kiss me.” Neil tilts his body back. “Now. Yes or no, Andrew?”

Andrew’s lips taste like cigarettes and he actually breathes some smoke into Neil’s mouth. He grabs Neil’s t-shirt by the collar too, to clash their mouths together. This is like those kisses in the kitchen, hungry and making Neil’s ears ring. He sucks on Andrew’s lower lip and gasps when Andrew’s hand slips under his shirt. Andrew is cold from being too close to the window in February but the cold only makes Neil’s skin grow hotter.

Andrew touches his forehead to Neil’s and presses his hand to Neil’s scars.

“Do that,” Andrew says and it sounds almost like murmur against Neil’s lips. It takes a moment for Neil to understand the words—he’s never getting used to Andrew kissing him like this.

“After we all eat cupcakes, yeah.”

When they get back it’s to find Renee’s almost finished decorating the cupcakes and everyone is gathering around with bottles and glasses. They get the freshmen who are in the dorms to share the evening and then Neil does deposit a drunk Kevin to equally drunk Nicky. Allison tells Renee that Nicky will have to hand her ten bucks too as they herd the underclassmen out leaving Neil and Andrew alone.

They don’t waste time on cleaning up the mess in the kitchen or in the room.

When Neil wakes up it’s to the sound of coffee brewing in the kitchen. He gets his sweats and follows the sound and the smell of coffee to find Andrew there finishing a cupcake.

“Did you even eat anything proper?” Neil manages around a yawn as Andrew pours coffee in two mugs.

Andrew is already dressed up to his armbands and a shirt. He looks sleepy but not as much as Neil.

“Cleaning duty is on you,” he says in way of answering. Neil casts him a sour look which Andrew ignores heading out of the room with his coffee.

As Neil drinks his coffee and estimates the scope of work he notices that his ugly cupcakes are gone from the windowsill. He doesn’t remember but he thinks maybe Renee took them after all.

(He is wrong. Messed up or not, chocolate cupcakes are still chocolate cupcakes and Andrew is not one for charity and sharing :D)

[survivorelara]

Episode #1: “So thank you Gods and Goddesses.” -Ci’ere

three people on this tribe are 100% pros they have mangastars as their pfp im scared

Okay, this is my second time typing this because I accidentally deleted the first attempt ASDF. Hello every1 out there 👽 I'm so thrilled to be playing Elara because I know that the hosts are going to make this an awesome experience! We began our journey about an hour & a half ago, but something tremendous has already occured... I happened to snatch the Zosma idol on my first guess! Something about the placement of the 39th star spoke to me & luck was definitely on my side, so thank you celestial gods and goddesses! I’m kind of wondering if the idol locations & the iconic phrase “18 people, 39 days, 1 Survivor” have any correlation. Hmm. :O Even though I have some power to fall back on now, I don’t wanna have to rely on the idol to save myself so I’m stepping up to the plate socially to hopefully solidify myself in this group. I was hyped before, but this hype train has went through the ceiling!

Not only am I in this game with like many other Facebook ORGers.... I'm the least popular of them all. Like I see Emma, Ci'ere, Andrea and Toby... like they have a good friend group and people generally like them. Me on the other hand, I get easily annoyed with certain people and groups within this community and I have been told that I am a rainy and dark cloud. I mean, LOVE the comparison... but when you're in a "scavenger hunt" and one of the things is to get 50 reactions on a post and I average about 5-6... it ain't looking good for this bitch. And ITS ONLY DAY 1.

Great question. I am trying to figure that out. I realize not knowing discord puts me at s disadvantage. Let’s hope we win till I can figure it out.

Well I like this tribe, I'm feeling good about things at the moment, I've talked to loris, Andreaa, and John who I had a prior relationship with. They all seem nice enough. I'm hoping to make more connections with people in the near future, because with only 6 people on the tribe I need to make ABSOLUTE sure I'm in the numbers.

I'm such a flop, I did almost all my voice recordings on my phone while I accidentally left voice chat on. My Computer Mic isn't great and it was only for a little while, nobody said anything, so I don't know if anybody caught anything I might have said for the challenge, but the worst thing that might have been caught was my statement about Dani

We're approaching the end of Day 1 and I don't think I've made much progress with anyone other than John... this tribe is very quiet, and I don't know if that's due to many different timezones, or inactivity, or what have you. Regardless I'm a little worried about this challenge, but hopefully a win can be pulled out.

Its so quiet dawg

ok i love selfie scavenger hunts so this challenge is great. as for my tribe mates, roxy and i are in F6 in atomic together, so thats a interesting. Drew H was in that season and like. i have no idea what our relationship is going to be like ydgfs. the only person who I haven't talked to at all is Odd. i should get on that

Oh these motherfuckers think they got me found. They think they know me. Expect drama.

My tribe is ducking stacked with people I like so this is hot hopefully we can get this scav hunt done and get max point WEW

Well. I’m doing another one. Do I have the time? Nope! Is this a good idea? No ma’am/sir. But I’m doing it anyway. This is an...interesting tribe for me to be on. I have my one true love, Sam Drachus, and a tribe of people that probably don’t know he’s my husband. Of course, a pregame relationship never equates to an ingame relationship necessarily, so I will not rest in my socialisation (especially given I will have ass for physical game for a while). Louise I’ve hosted twice, Ci’ere I’ve hosted and played with. Dani and Brian I don’t really know properly but they seem very inactive. I am quite sure we will lose this challenge, but hopefully I can be active and bond-build enough to be Victorious!!

i hate this challenge because im so lazy

hi!! so my social game is going pretty good so far, i'm v tight with andrea, emma and i said we don't want each other to go, john's an icon and i like talking to zach. kori doesn't talk a lot so he'll probably be an ez boot. also i think im gonna end up with the most points for our immunity so that'll probably let me be spared if we do end up losing :)))). ALSO,,,,,,,,, i found the legacy advantage bc i clicked on seamus' manga on the tumblr?? of course they hid it behind the ugly one... no one looks there.

So our first challenge is a cute scavenger hunt & one of the 10 point items is getting 50 likes on a FB post. When I initially made the post, only a few people reacted to it so I knew I was going to have to do something drastic in order to get more people’s attention. I stole Nicki Minaj’s brand & started running KWEENT (6 letters Jack :p) Radio! I put in a lot of work to get people to help me out, but I also wanted to have fun with it & in the end it paid off. I’mma bit worried however since only Louise, Sam & I have made contributions to the challenge thus far. We don’t have that much time left & there’s still three empty columns... I’ve been talking a lot to Dani who I find I probably relate to the most. They made it pretty far in the actual Survivor casting process & they have also been talking to Sam. Sam is so nice & has that straight male humor, YEET. Louise is obviously a kween & we’ve played together before so I think I could work something out with her? Toby’s timezone & schedule is tough to work through, but I think I might be able to charm him up hehe. Brian is the only person that hasn’t shown any sign of life so I’ve been pushing for him, but of course he shows up now ASDFG.

Did so many challenges but have trouble uploading to gdoc

Anxiety is a bitch. Like I already have alot of it due to work and school, but for us to be submitting things for the scavenger hunt last minute... that made my heart quicken a bit more than needed. ESPECIALLY if your video links for the video portion of the hunt DON'T WORK. Like wth ODD? Like if you're gonna submit late.. like at least check the damn links so you can actually win the points for the videos that you are submitting. OH AND IN OTHER WORDS. I didn't think Jack was gonna view my poem to him. And he watched it. I have no words. Like let me die of embarrassment because I am flummoxed with a straight man once again in my life. ALL FOR 6 MEASLY POINTS IN A GAME! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

That's so FETCH! Even with Odd's bumbling incapabilities, he can make us get a narrow win for reward! Maybe my frustrations were misplaced with him! But I am glad that I will not be the first boot and get to stay here for another 3 days or so! Pumped!

well just as i thought,,, TRASH this tribe has good people that i like but apart from ci'ere CHILEEEEEEE we sucked so bad we didn't deserve to win. I think it's brian that's going tbh he wasn't active till the last 4? hours of the comp and people have already said if we lose it's him so yikes guess that's what is happening.

we won the challenge which is actually surprising. Odd's links didn't work but if they did I would've had the lowest score. I was gonna do so much more but my phone won't charge !! and i went to a college fair ok. I love how i said i was good at comps during my live interview. i swear im not a liar hosts

Woo we won, I put a fair amount of work in, so I'm glad we got results... unfortunately it didn't REALLY matter because of how badly the losing tribe did.

I think I have a decent shot of making a 4-person alliance with John, Andrea, and Loris. Hopefully I can get that going through. Emma is LIKELY the weak link on the tribe, which is fine by me she has yet to talk to me really, so I'd have no qualms voting her out.

I have a funny story. I spent a half hour walking and  looking for a license plate with ce on it. I had to use scooter plates. Half the cars only have one letter. When I finally found the plate parked in front of a restaurant . I got on one knee to take the pic. It was night so flash went out. A guy came out and demanded I delete the photo. Not kidding. He was not happy. I couldn’t explain what I was doing. I deleted it. He drove away. I was really bummed. So I got on my motorcycle and drove to the university where I knew there were hundreds of scooters. I slowly drove while looking on both sides of the parking lot. I must of looked at more than 500 plates. Finally I found one. Guess what? It was the same scooter from earlier. This time the guy not around. I was still really nervous like I was breaking the law. When the flash went off I was waiting for the guy to start running at me. He didn’t. Success.

Well, I'm a bit scared. Apparently, Sam has already found something? Or someone has... Item 39 purportedly received the "There was something there, but isn't anymore" treatment, which is Scary AF! Like, if someone has an idol THIS early in the game...if I got idol'd out THIS early in the game!!

But, I suspect that whatever was hidden in Position 39 was not, in fact, an idol, but was rather some clue or aspect to the idol system. 50 possibilities isn't enough of a competition space for an idol search, right? I mean, I bloody hope so because the alternative is that a Zosma idol is already flying around at the literal first tribal council and, man, I don't need that paranoia right now.

Winning this challenge was way easier than I expected, I figure some inactive is about to die on the other tribe so no worries there. I had a blast this thing is gonna be a fun time if the challenges continue to be similar to this.

Well it's day 2, John and Andreaa seem on board for an alliance, now all I need is to hear what Loris thinks and if he seems on board, I've got my 4-some right there. Which'll leave Emma and Big Z on the outs. Which is fine, we could even split the votes in case of an idol if we felt like it.

But I can't afford to get too comfortable, players can be real snakes and I can't let myself be too trusting. I just have to work on being super relateable and someone people feel comfortable talking to.

I just hope I didn't start "talking game" too early…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onr3BoPGJzA

I guess I cast assess now! Loris: he is a mood and playing hard but he likes me so for now we r gucci. He is super fun to talk to and we share idol guesses so hes aight! I dont want to work long term with him. Kori: Yikes. He's super inactive but he was like i like u lets form an alliance so ofc I'm like ok. He left me on read on the first day and randomly offered and im like k wyd i wasnt born yesterday Emma: Queen? I knew her before this we used to be married until she deactivated and I divorced her but like that literally not even the point. Shes kinda  inactive and very on the bottom besides Kori so I'm hoping I can convince Loris to keep her if we go to tribal twice. Big Z: Ok I have never met him before now but OMG ive heard so much about him AND I LOVE HIM!!! I get the hype and then some. I wish we talked more. I 100% would not vote him or Emma out rn. John: he's cool! I havent talked to him too much but were in an alliance Basically im really happy we won LMAO. I am in an alliance I have no plans of following through with. life is interesting. I may just go off the rails. I am predicting Brian goes home because Zosma is a facebook clusterfuck right now.

I’m winning this org... I’m in a silly alliance with kori Andrea and John that I’m not gonna take seriously but kori probably will... me and Andrea are rlly good allies and I have the legacy??? give me my money

We lost the challenge by a landslide. https://tenor.com/view/davonne-rogers-pretends-to-be-gif-6175133

Zosma was 400+ points behind the other tribes so they really did snatch us huh. I’m happy to hear that they’re active though unlike some of my tribemates for the past two days l m a o. I scored more than half of our aggregate, so I think I should be set to survive this vote.

Toby wants to share idol info and I can’t decline that so I gave him fake receipts hehe. He also stated that I’m the person he’s connected to the most. Sam says that I’m easy to talk to as well, so I think my social game is going pretty well at the moment!

Sam wants to vote for anybody that isn’t him & he also said he loved me 😳 L i s t e n: love is a BIG word (to me at least) & you can’t just throw it out to anyone & their mother, Sam. Louise is in the same mindset as myself as she’s talked to Toby/Dani more than Brian so let’s just snipe Brian right? Well, Toby comes to me after scoring 0 & says he has a “gut feeling” that we should vote out Dani because Brian is preoccupied with Mount Olympus. Does that make any sense? We just lost the challenge by an extremely large margin & you want to keep the person that doesn’t prioritize this game? Go to sleep Toby, you’re drunk. I guess it’s hard to judge who will be more active since it’s only round uno. Dani was present, but only sent in one thing…& Brian had internet problems. I had a great conversation with Dani the first day, but it’s day three now. Should I stick my neck out for him? I told Toby what he wanted to hear because it was 3AM for him & he wanted to sleep, but there’s still a lot of time left & I want Brian dead.

I need to talk to people more often hn

I mean this vote is as simple as it gets, it's basically a battle of which inactive should we kick. Most votes seem to be going on brian, which I do feel bad about cuz I love him in mount Olympus and feel he could easily be a number to drag. but at the same time he's been so inactive to the point where he'll probs just die at a swap or something. I feel bad for toby since he already voted dani but im sure he'd understand with all the timezone differences, I would like dani to go but if brian stayed, we would probs lose again then he would just leave so rip

Hi!! It's me john coffey!!! So I love the theme of my tribe being like  the emotional players and I love the vibe of all my tribemates. However I know that the emotional players are also sometimes the messiest players because I forsure fall into that category sometimes!! So far I have just been trying to chill tf out and get to know people, and use the scavenger hunt to show that I really want to be here. I may not have as much to offer in future tribe challenges so I like being able to use scavenger hunts to really go ham. I got the highest score on our tribe and I think the second highest behind Roxy so woo! Now let's move on to my fellow tribe mates. Kori - the only person I was familiar with going into this game. I played with him in my most recent game where he witnessed me win. We had a good bond the entire game but he also voted for me when he thought I was the majority vote, setting aside any connection I had made with him, so that is always kinda going to be on my mind in this game. But as of now he is the person I trust the most. Andrea - I LOVE her! We bonded quickly over being messes so that's always fun. I could see myself growing close with her in this game. Loris- I really like him, I always like British guys LOL it's been kinda difficult getting to talk to him at a time that works for both of us but I really like him so far Emma- she hosted me a few years ago though I didn't know it was her at first, I like her but haven talked to her as much as the others Big z - I like him though we haven't talked too much but I immediately see him as my biggest threat at this point. Just something about him idk.

As far as other tribe members go - drew Heuser is one of my favorite people to have played orgs with. He was the reason I was first boot in my first Tumblr game but has remained a dear friend of mine ever since. I met him in person and he's the besssst. If I have a chance to play with him I'm excited to see what the outcome will be.

https://youtu.be/TfQ4Xmeb2J8

Brian is voted out 5-1.

[flauntpage]

Who Is the Real Nick Foles? And Does Anyone Know What an RPO Is?

If you’re like me, you probably didn’t watch a lot of Nick Foles after he left Philadelphia.

You knew him as the guy who threw 27 touchdowns and two interceptions in 2013 and led the Eagles to the playoffs in year number one of the ill-fated Chip Kelly reign.

Or maybe you knew him as the guy who came down to Earth in 2014 because he was playing at an unsustainable level during the year prior, or maybe because opponents started to figure out Chip’s offense. I’d say it was a combination of both of those things.

Chances are, you forgot about all of that pretty quickly when the Eagles traded up for Carson Wentz last April. Any memories of Foles, Kelly, Sam Bradford, and DeMarco Murray were sort of wiped from existence when the Eagles made a shrewd move for a stud franchise quarterback.

Now we’re sitting here at 11-2 after Wentz tore his ACL and “Nicky 6” is back under center for the NFC East champions.

When the Eagles signed Foles back in March, you probably thought something along the lines of, “okay, he’s a veteran, he knows Doug Pederson, he knows Philadelphia, he’s an upgrade over Chase Daniel.” I thought similar things and was happy to have him as a backup, but now that I’ve had 36 hours to sleep on the Wentz news, I’m not as down on him in a starting role as others might be.

Let’s rewind:

2012 to 2014 – Eagles

Foles was a third round pick in the 2012 draft and sat on the bench until Michael Vick had to leave the week 10 loss to Dallas with a concussion. The rookie wound up being named the starter for the rest of the season, then broke his hand in week 16 and Vick started the finale in New York, a 42-7 loss to cap off the Andy Reid era.

In seven games as a rookie, he threw for 1,699 yards, 6 touchdowns, and 5 interceptions. Reid went to Kansas City and Chip Kelly was hired.

Vick won the starting job that summer and played a few games before going down injured again. That resulted in a bit of a back and forth, with Foles starting a few games while Vick was in and out of the lineup. Matt Barkley even had to be called on. Foles was eventually named the starter, but not until Week 13.

I don’t know if many people remember all of that. 27 and 2 sounds like a fairy tale when you think about it, but both quarterbacks dealt with injuries that season and nothing was fluid or consistent. Vick was hobbled with a nagging hamstring issue and Foles suffered a concussion against Dallas. The Eagles started 3-5 and didn’t really climb into playoff contention until they ripped off a five-game winning streak from November into December. They disappointed in the playoff loss to the Saints, but Foles went to the Pro Bowl on the strength of his ridiculous touchdown-to-interception ratio.

He was the day one starter in 2014 and led the Eagles to a 5-2 record before breaking his collarbone in Week 8 and going on season-ending injured reserve. Foles didn’t have DeSean Jackson that season, but Jeremy Maclin came back from injury to be a prominent figure in the Birds’ offense. Nick finished with 13 touchdowns and 10 interceptions in that half season and his completion percentage was down by more than four points, while his yards per completion decreased by about 25%. He kept throwing bad interceptions, but had the Eagles on track for a playoff berth before the injury. Most of the discussion back then was people arguing about whether or not Foles was a franchise quarterback. Chip didn’t think so.

Foles’ overall career numbers are obviously highlighted by 2013:

  2015 – Saint Louis Rams

11 games, 11 starts, 2,052 yards, 7 touchdowns, 10 interceptions, 56.4 completion percentage, 69.0 QB rating

Foles was shipped to the Rams in the Sam Bradford debacle of 2015 and was benched midway through another 7-9 Jeff Fisher season.

This team didn’t have close to the offensive talent that Foles was working with in Philadelphia. No Jackson, no Maclin, no Shady McCoy. No Riley Cooper! Todd Gurley was a rookie and injured to start the season, the receiving corps was underwhelming (even Sean McVay doesn’t know how to use Tavon Austin), and offensive coordinator Frank Cignetti and quarterbacks coach Chris Weinke were both in year number one in their respective roles. Cignetti lasted only three months before he was canned and now has the coveted distinction of being the New York Giants’ QB coach.

They finished dead last in passing offense that season and 29th in points per game (17.5), but ran the ball well enough when Gurley got healthy in October and November.

Another thing to point out is that the NFC West was damn good back then. Seattle and Arizona had two of the toughest defenses in the league. The Niners were shit, but still had some good defensive pieces as well. It’s strange, then, that Foles actually went 3-1 against the division that season, throwing for five touchdowns and one interception in those games.

But he struggled in almost every other game. He never had a 300 yard passing game and crested 200 only three times, falling apart entirely after a 4-3 start. The Rams scored just 23 points in his final three games that year.

Foles made a lot of bad decisions that season, like this one, where he decided to throw across his body near the goal line for an easy pick six:

2013 Foles tucks that ball and runs for five yards before sliding.

He threw six interceptions before his week 10 benching for Case Keenum, then reclaimed the starting role only to throw four more picks in the next two games. He was benched for good and then was released in the offseason.

That year was a shit show, but every so often, Foles would do something reminding you of 2013 like this:

Hmm.. movement in the backfield? Misdirection? Standing in the pocket and taking a hit? Looks a lot like the Nick Foles that I know.

Unfortunately those moments were few and far between. He only threw seven touchdowns that season – one of which was a shovel/sweep to Austin – and had a ton of clunkers, highlighted only by a Week 4 win against the previously unbeaten Cardinals:

I’ll chalk up a lot of 2015 to the leadership of offensive guru Jeff Fischer and a nascent staff, but Foles didn’t do anything to help his case, looking out of sync with his receivers and forcing passes that reminded me of the 2014 Nick and not the 2013 Pro Bowler.

  2016 – Kansas City Chiefs

3 games*, 1 start, 410 yards, 3 touchdowns, 0 interceptions, 65.5 completion percentage, 105.9 QB rating

Foles rejoined Andy Reid in Kansas City as Alex Smith’s backup.

Ah, much better, a playoff contender with playmakers like Travis Kelce, Tyreek Hill, and Foles’ former teammate, Jeremy Maclin.

Smith led the Chiefs to a 4-2 start before suffering a concussion in Week 7 in Indianapolis. Foles came in to finish 16 for 22 for 223 yards with a pair of touchdowns and zero interceptions. The 135.2 QB rating was his highest since the Eagles’ 2013 win in Green Bay. He led drives of 80 yards and 75 yards in the 30-14 win.

Foles started the next weekend and led the Chiefs to a 19-14 home win against Jacksonville. It was a very “game manager” type of performance, as he only threw for one touchdown in the win but protected the football and didn’t make any 2015-esque mistakes. Kansas City knocked in four field goals while the defense shut down a mediocre Jacksonville offense en route to a 6-2 start.

Smith came back to lead the Chiefs to a one-and-done playoff appearance.

  2017 – Eagles

That brings us back to Philly, where Foles has been fortunate to have some reps at the end of blowout games in October and November. A lot of it was just mop-up duty and handoffs, but any time spent on the field with the first unit is better than standing on the sidelines.

Now, people say, “Nick Foles is no Carson Wentz!” as if that’s some sort of epiphany.

Most people aren’t Carson Wentz. Most NFL starters aren’t Carson Wentz. Tom Savage, Mitch Trubisky, and Jacoby Brissett are not Carson Wentz. Where, then, is Nick Foles, a backup, in relation to those three players? He’s not any worse than those guys. I’d roll with Foles anyway day of the week before trying one of those quarterbacks.

The way I see it:

pros:

huge arm

knows Doug Pederson

knows the offense

knows Philadelphia

playoff experience (at Lincoln Financial Field, no less)

5+ years in the NFL

cons:

probably rusty, hasn’t played a ton since 2015

not as mobile as Wentz*

fewer reps with first team offense

average footwork

history of throwing interceptions

recently thought about quitting football

I put an asterisk on that bullet point above because it’s something that came up in Doug Pederson’s press conference yesterday:

Q. Foles has that track record of success, but he is a different quarterback than Wentz, obviously not as mobile. How much work do you have this week tailoring the offense to Foles’ strength? 

DOUG PEDERSON: Well, that’s the other thing that’s interesting from the standpoint of you say ‘mobile.’ When was the last time we did an RPO where Carson ran the football on a run? When is the last time that, outside of a scramble, that we designed a run for Carson Wentz? We haven’t done that many times at all. So going forward, there’s not much we have to do. It’s more or less just what is he comfortable with? What is Nick familiar with? I’ve known him for a lot of years and we’re going to continue to have the same communication that Carson and I had during the weeks. Carson’s going to be a big part of helping Nick get ready too. So not much going forward is going to have to change.

This question was asked a few minutes later:

Q. You mentioned the RPOs specifically. You guys lead the league in RPOs by a significant margin. That doesn’t change at all with Wentz’s skillset versus Foles’? 

DOUG PEDERSON: No. When you say RPO, you mean when he runs? When is the last time he ran on a designed run? It usually comes on a scramble, our RPO game is much different than it was in the beginning of the season. Even in the game yesterday, some of the RPOs we did, if you pay close attention, they’re down the field throws and they’re quarterback-pocket throws. So we’re not asking our quarterback to expose himself, necessarily, on a designed QB run.

There’s some confusion there with the “RPO” designation, or run/pass option. It doesn’t necessarily mean the quarterback has the option to run the ball himself or throw it. A lot of what the Eagles do is read the defensive end, then Wentz will decide whether he wants to hand the ball off or throw it instead. The option isn’t for HE HIMSELF TO RUN THE BALL.

The Eagles do a lot of this with their RPO looks:

There’s no quarterback run built into that play. It’s just Wentz reading the end then pulling the ball back and throwing it to Alshon Jeffery instead. They weren’t designing runs for Carson Wentz and they’re not going to be designing them for Nick Foles either.

Now, on a play like this, an Andy Reid special, Alex Smith can hand the ball off, run it himself, or dump it off to the receiver:

That’s an example of RPO where there’s a QB run built into the play. Smith has to make multiple reads in one sequence.

The Eagles don’t do that. I think every Wentz run this season, aside from the 4th and 1 sneaks, were scrambles off of called pass plays. That’s the main reason why I think the “Doug Pederson is to blame for the ACL tear” is a jabroni narrative.

Going back to 2013, Chip Kelly’s offense had a lot of concepts that aren’t dissimilar from what you see in Doug Pederson’s designs. You saw it in Week 1, when they were using RPO looks without a QB running option even when Michael Vick was on the field:

Remember that dumbass clock they kept running at the bottom of the screen to show how fast the Eagles were calling plays?

Good times.

Anyway, that play is easy. Read the defensive end and/or slot corner, hand it to Shady, or throw it to the flat. Vick makes the right read:

And they ran similar looking plays even when Foles was on the field:

Easy read, pull the ball out, roll to your right and find a wide open receiver streaking down the field. Foles had a field day running stuff like this:

I think we’re way off base when were throwing out takes like, “opponents won’t respect the Eagles RPO with Nick Foles,” since the Eagles don’t really do that anyway. Doug Pederson said as much on Monday afternoon and looked visibly annoyed when reporters were asking him about it.

So there you have it, 2,225 words on Nick Foles, who isn’t Carson Wentz but also isn’t Ryan Leaf.

This squad is 10 times better than anything Chip Kelly or Andy Reid/Howie Roseman gave us from 2012 to 2015, so keep that in mind when thinking about Super Bowl chances post-Wentz ACL tear. You can be a mopey loser and cry on local sports radio, or you can man up and throw your support behind the team.

Who Is the Real Nick Foles? And Does Anyone Know What an RPO Is? published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv