#Not as long as I thought it would be but that's ok

[jobean12-blog]

Twisted Games

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader

Word Count: 2.816

Summary: You never win when you play games with Joel but while losing in a game of Twister you get an idea that might just make you a winner...or not.

Author's Note: I just love the idea of all the tension and teasing but honestly...I'd never last haha. Thank you all so much for reading! Muhch love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 🥰

Warnings: flirting, teasing, fun, tension, fluff, spiciness, established relationship.

Pedro Pascal Character Masterlist

You’re practically in a bow pose with two feet spread out on different colors and one hand behind you on another. Your back is arched and your chest is right in Joel’s face. He’s smiling over you and licking his lips.

“I love this game,” he chuckles deviously. “Next time we play naked.”

You roll your eyes and spin the Twister wheel with your one free hand.

“Shit,” you mutter when you see what it lands on. “Ok! I can do this!”

When you start to move your body your position becomes even more precarious and now you’re pressed closer to him. His lips touch your collarbone in a soft kiss.

“Don’t! That’s so unfair!” you whine.

“Aw come on darlin.’ I can’t resist!”

You sigh and refocus but to no avail. The moment you reach your hand to the next colored circle your body collapses to the mat. He’s instantly on you, pinning you to the Twister mat and grinning down at you.

“UGH! I’m never playing anything with you again!”

“Aw come on darlin.’ Don’t be a sore loser now.”

You try to get your arms under his chest so you can push him off you but it’s hard to move.

“Get off me!”

He kisses you instead.

“Don’t be mad,” he coos against your lips. “It’s just a game.”

You manage to wiggle your arms free in his distracted state and comb your fingers through his hair.

“Joel…”

“Hmm?” he hums while trailing his lips along your jaw.

He stops just below your ear and kisses your skin softly before nipping your earlobe.

“You want me to start letting you win?” he whispers.

“No!” you huff and it quickly dissolves into sigh as he continues to place kisses down your neck.

His free hand pushes at your knee and he spreads your legs wide, settling between them and rocking his hips.

“See, this is why Twister is my favorite game…” he murmurs as the same hand sneaks down your stomach.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, letting your legs fall open even wider. “It’s all a win for you!”

“Damn right it is,” he says, his fingers slipping under the waistband of your leggings.

You drag your hands down his back and crane your neck to give his lips better access.

Suddenly you go still and your lips spread into a mischievous grin.

“What?” he grumbles, lifting his eyes to yours.

“I know a game I can win at….”

He raises a challenging brow.

You narrow your eyes and try to bump him off you.

“Nuh uh darlin.’ Start talkin’.”

“Fine, but don’t you start distracting me,” you warn.

His fingertips trace the outline of your panties but nothing more as he looks at you expectantly.

“Ok. So. I bet I can hold out longer for sex.”

“What?” he asks again, stopping his movement. “Why would you want to do that?”

“I don’t but...I know I can beat you at least.”

He’s silent for a few seconds and your eyes wander over his face, your fingers absentmindedly grazing the outline of his beard and the gray patches throughout. You can still feel the warmth of his hand between your legs and the hardness between his and you start to second guess your idea.

“Fine,” he says. “But how long are we doing this for?”

You open your mouth but he quickly cuts you off.

“Any more than three days is a hard NO.”

Your lips lift into a sideways smirk. “This is going to be easier than I thought.”

He waggles his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

“Yep,” you say and pop the p. “Three days it is! Since that seems to be your limit,” you snicker.

His fingers begin to move again, teasingly inching downward.

“Are we starting today?” he asks.

He brushes a finger along the damp fabric and gives you a wink.

“No,” you answer, trying to keep your voice steady.

“That’s good,” he croons as he pushes the fabric to the side.

The morning sun rises and warms the bedroom, bathing it in a soft golden light as you begin to awaken.

Joel’s strong arm is draped over your waist and his bare chest is pressed to your back.

“Mornin’ darlin’ he mumbles, tugging you closer.

“Hi,” you whisper and snuggle into him.

He hitches a leg over your thigh and you feel him pulse against you. He starts to kiss your neck as his hand splays at your stomach and pushes your shirt up.

You drag your teeth over your bottom lip, both to stifle your low moan of pleasure and your near victory cheer.

With a wiggle you silently ask for more but suddenly he tenses behind you.

“FUCK,” he groans and rolls away from you.

“HEY!” you pout, sitting up and staring at him.

“Don’t hey me!” he says, running a hand through his already mussed mess of dark curls. “I’m going to take a cold shower.”

You watch him walk off to the bathroom and fall back with a thump onto your pillow.

“SO CLOSE!” you whisper shout to yourself.

When he’s ready to leave for work, he sets his coffee in the sink and wraps you in his arms, drawing out a sweet kiss that turns much more heated once he cages you against the counter and his hands start to wander.

“Joel,” you whine, chasing his lips when he pulls away.

“See you later darlin’,” he purrs with a wink.

You leave for work shortly after, clearly distracted and frustrated.

“What’s up your ass today?” Tommy asks Joel as they load materials into the back of the pick-up truck.

Joel just glares in his brother’s direction.

“Fine,” Tommy says with a lopsided smile. “Don’t share.”

By the time you get home from work your mood has soured and you’re not even sure why you proposed the idea. You’re horny and frustrated and you want to blame Joel.

“Hi darlin’,” he says when he walks in an hour later. “How was your day?”

You shrug and mumble, “uneventful. You?”

“Other than Tommy being a usual pain in my ass, the same,” he answers and sits down next to you.

He rests his hand on your knee and starts to rub small circles with his thumb, his other hand snaking around your neck to pull you closer for a kiss.

You crawl into his lap and straddle his waist, melting into the kiss and dragging your hands down his chest.

His fingers dance along your thighs and he sighs out your name when you start to press your lips to his neck.

“I hate this game,” he whispers.

You want to agree but your competitive side wins out in the moment and you lean back and give him a smug smile.

“We’re almost through day one!” you sing.

“And I haven’t lost yet!” he shoots back.

“Forty-eight more hours to go…” you taunt.

He stops your wiggling, keeping you still on his lap.

“I’m starving,” he grumbles and gently lifts you off him. “Let’s have dinner.”

You let out an exasperated sigh and huff.

“This is your fault,” he says as he opens the fridge. “You can just give up now and I’ll have you screamin’ my name in no time.”

He looks over at you with dark eyes filled with promise.

“Let just make dinner,” you mutter and peel yourself off the couch.

The next morning starts in much the same way except this time it’s you that tears yourself away first and stomps to the bathroom.

Joel follows right behind and opens the shower curtain, stepping under the hot water with you.

“What are you doing?” you squeak.

“Taking a shower. I usually get in first…”

He smiles as the water runs down his skin. Your eyes follow the rivulets, watching them closely as they meander over the dips and curves of his muscles.

“You don’t play fair,” you hiss.

“I’m gonna be late,” he counters.

He reaches over you to grab his shampoo.

“Joel…keep that thing away from me.”

He stays close, deliberately bumping into you as much as possible.

“What? The shower isn’t that big. You’re naked. What do you expect?” he says with a nonchalant shrug.

You turn to face him and hold out your body wash. “Do my back?” you ask sweetly.

He purses his lips and glares.

“Sure darlin’” he answers through gritted teeth.

He lathers the wash in his hands and starts to smooth them along your shoulders and back. He traces the curve of your spine and your ass, squeezing and massages as he goes. You lean into him, feeling him hard against your back.

His hands slide around your waist to your stomach and he reaches up to your breasts, kneading them softly as he washes. Then he moves lower and you instinctively arch into his touch and spread your legs.

“Fucking hell,” he growls. “You’re clean enough!”

With that he quickly rinses his hair and rips the shower curtain open, grabbing a towel and grumbling all the way back to the bedroom.

You turn the water cold and let it run over your heated skin, resting your head to the tiles and silently cursing yourself.

“Think Tommy and I are gonna start on the garden bed tomorrow,” Joel says when you come down the steps. “This way you can start planting.”

Your face brightens and you rush to him, throwing your arms around his neck.

“Really?” you ask. “Are you done with the other job?”

“We will be today,” he says and pulls you in for a kiss.

The two of you manage to get through dinner that night and go to sleep cuddling. You let the exhaustion of the day take over and will yourself to sleep.

The sky is still dark with only a sliver of orange glow peeking out over the horizon when you wake to Joel’s incoherent mumbling.

His arm slips around your waist and he tugs you into him and his hands start to roam, softly tracing your curves while his lips find your shoulder.

You hum in pleasure and turn to face him, pressing closer.

He starts to tug at your panties and push your thighs apart.

“Joel?” you whisper, realizing he’s half asleep.

When all he does is sigh your name you take his face in your hands and start to pepper him with kisses.

“Baby, wake up.”

His eyes pop open and he looks at you sleepily.

“Why did you wake me?” he asks. “You ok?”

“I’m fine,” you whisper.

“I was having the best dream,” he sighs.

As he starts to wake up more and realize his position he gets grumpier.

“I wasn’t dreaming,” he says more to himself than you. “This fucking sucks!”

He rolls away and rubs his hands over his face.

“Then just give in and lose,” you say quietly.

His eyes find yours and you can see the war of emotions whirling inside them.

“Darlin’…”

With a pained expression he pushes off the bed and goes to shower, locking the door behind him.

“Damn it!” you groan when you hear it click. “So close again!”

You’ve taken the day off to prepare your seedlings and do some last-minute shopping. Tommy shows up with a smile and a hug and whispers, “what’s been his problem this week?”

You steel yourself and give him a shake of your head. “No idea! Why?”

“Well, something crawled up his ass because he’s been grumpier than usual!”

With a laugh you give Tommy a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and turn away so he can’t see your expression of glee. At least you’re extra sure Joel’s suffering too.

You leave the boys to go to the garden store, enjoying strolling around and taking your time. When you return with several new plants you find Joel and Tommy hard at work.

“Hey darlin’” Joel says when you pull up and roll down the window.

He rests the shovel in the soil and puts his hand on his hip, popping his knee out as he exhales.

“Need help carrying anything?”

As he waits for an answer you just stare, sweeping your eyes over him from head to toe.

He’s just sweaty enough. His tan skin glistening in the sunlight and his dark hair sticking to the back of his neck. His tee shirt is clinging to the outline of his broad shoulders and the muscles in his forearms flex and bulge as he adjusts the shovel and starts digging again. His dark jeans are pulled tight over his thick thighs and his hands dwarf the handle of the tool.

Tommy watches the whole exchange with a bemused expression.

“Did you need help?” Joel asks again after he throws a few more shovels full of soil in the planter.

“Huh?” you ask, clearly dazed.

He stabs the shovel into the ground and wipes his hands on his jeans, rounding the car and tapping on the trunk.

You open it but stay in the car and watch him carry your plants to the steps.

“You ok?” Tommy asks as he leans on the window.

“Fine,” you say quietly as you watch Joel bend down. “I’m just hot…and thirsty,” you trail off.

Tommy moves away when you open the door.

“Want something?” you ask him.

“Sure, something cold would be nice.”

You nod and head into the house, skirting Joel who’s rearranging your plants and avoiding any eye contact with either of them.

You pour three glasses of cold lemonade with ice and lift one to your lips, drinking down some of the cool liquid then pressing it to your face to cool your skin.

“Fuck,” you mutter quietly and turn to look out the front window.

Joel’s carrying tools from the truck and every time he lifts something his shirt rides up and exposes the dark trail of hair below his belly button.

You’re so thirsty.

You take another long gulp then set the glass down and lean against the counter. Your lost in your lascivious thoughts and never hear Joel come in. It isn’t until he’s close enough that you can smell his distinct scent that you startle and find his dark gaze on you.

“Tommy said you were gettin’ drinks,” he states and inches closer, slowly and carefully like he’s approaching a feral animal.

“I was,” you breathe out and enjoy a closer look at him.

He stands toe to toe with you and says your name in a questioning tone. You snap out of your pensive state and focus your eyes on his handsome face. He’s studying you with a look that’s intense and at the same time his eyes sparkle.

He removes the glass from your hand and sets it on the counter, taking your palm and kissing it softly.

“Still,” he starts and checks his watch, “nine hours left in the day.”

“Oh,” you say softly, your breath hitching when he turns your hand in his and kisses along your knuckles. “Shouldn’t you get back to work?”

Your words are weak and you’re giving everything away- and he knows it.

“You’re about to lose at your own game darlin’,” he simpers.

His words momentarily clear your head and you press yourself back against the counter, putting a small amount of space between you both.

“Why me?” you ask. “You’re the one who came in house looking for trouble.”

He grabs your waist and before you can protest you’re pressed against every inch of him.

“Trouble?” he whispers along the shell of your ear.

You can feel how hard he is and it makes you shiver with anticipation.

“I’m warnin’ you darlin’.”

“Joel…”

He rubs the pad of calloused thumb across your bottom lip. The need to kiss you is overwhelming, but he somehow manages to hold back and simply brushes his lips over yours then dips his head to run his nose along the column of your neck with a deep inhale.

When he stops his mouth is hovering over your ear. “ Let me be clear darlin.’ Tonight when I finally get between those legs I’m going to fuck you over and over again to make up for the last three days. With my fingers, my tongue…my cock. You’re going to feel me every time you take a step.”

Your breath races in and out of your lungs, every part of you reacting to his promised words. But you’re unwilling to completely relinquish control so you trail your fingers down his stomach, reaching under his shirt to softly graze them through that dark trail of hair and loving how his muscles contract.

“You better.”

The words are whispered and breathy but you manage to get them out before gently pushing on his chest and slipping from his grasp.

His muttered curses are the last thing you hear before you rush up the steps for another cold shower.

@blackwidownat2814 @hiddles-rose @lorilane33 @kmc1989 @lizette50

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (III)

alexia putellas x sister chapter I, II

edited this in 25 minutes and now I am going to bed... but alexia debut in here today :)

~~~~~~

I sat in the back of the car as Ingrid drove Mapi and me to Johan the next morning. The car was silent, my eyes focussed out the window, hyperaware of the glances that both defenders threw back at me every so often.

Mapi is worried about me. That much I can tell, but I don't know why Ingrid, who I've barely spoken to, seems to think the world is coming to an end. She was in the room this morning when Mapi told me that Mami had called to say that she would see me there. I don't think the tension in the room was hard for the Norwegian to identify. Or it could have been Mapi's wide eyes staring at me that made her think something was wrong. 

Alba is also coming to watch this game even though I told her I wouldn't be playing.

"you are part of the first team for the first time ever, hermanita! It is exciting just to watch you warm up."

I had rolled my eyes as she pulled me into a hug that day, but I appreciated it either way.

Ingrid led me to the changing rooms as Mapi made her way into the stands with some of the other injured players. My locker is beside Aitana's and she beams up at me when she spots me. I thank Ingrid quickly and make my over to Aitana and into her open arms.

"You ready?"

I nod, a smile on my face. For the first time in a long time, I do not think about my sister or what she would say, what her opinion would be. It is hard to grasp the idea that my dreams are maybe becoming a reality. 

E. Putellas 29

It is a dream that I have had for a long time, to have my name on a blaugrana shirt, to be in this very position. It is something I have wanted since I could kick a ball, since I watched my sister do the same thing all those years ago.

They had asked me what name I wanted on the back of my jersey. Because Alexia just had her first name, I could take the last name without the E but Mami said to keep the E. I think she wanted me to just use my first name as well but that is for Alexia. I am only new to this, I thought.

I will not play today, Jonatan told me, but he said he wants me to be a sub in a game with lower pressure after I've spent a few games on the bench and trained with the team for more than a week.

Despite this, Mami and Alba are sat in the audience, between a bunch of relatives and family friends.

A red flush creeps onto my cheeks as I hear them all cheering when I run out of the tunnel to start the warm up. Aitana's arm is around my shoulders and she gives me an extra tight squeeze before winking at me and releasing me from her hold.

I know I will be sitting on the bench for the whole game but just warming up with the team is exciting. The cheering from the audience during the warm up is ten times louder than any crowd I've played in front of, even in the most stressful part of a match.

I try to shrug off the goosebumps that creep over my arms as I take in my surroundings. It is surreal and I think I am in a state of disbelief when Patri approaches me.

"You ok, pequena?"

"I'm good." I look at her as she places a hand on my shoulder. "This is just big."

"I get it. You are very young. You should be very proud of yourself, Elena. You a right, this is a big thing. A huge thing. We are all very proud, remember that."

She squeezes my shoulder before letting go.

"Now get to warming up, stop drifting off with the fairies!"

~~~~~~

It only took Barcelona 5 minutes to establish their dominance through an early Salma goal and by half time they were already up by 4 to 0.

The second half started and by the end of the match we were up by 8 with a decent scoreline of 9-1. Patri pulled me off the bench to go on the rounds to all the opposition and the fans. I have seen this happen so many times that it still feels surreal to be experiencing it.

"Where is your sister?"

Patri's whisper is meant to be harmless but her words are like ice water down my back and my stomach flips inside out. She continues when I shrug my shoulders.

"I saw her earlier with Olga, she's probably sat with the other injured girls."

At the mention of the girlfriend I have not met, I resist the urge to throw up, saying goodbye to Patri and heading over to where my family was in the stands.

My whole family tells me how proud they are and I think Mami takes about a thousand pictures of me and Alba and gets Alba to take some of me and her as well. I am grateful that she ignores Alexia's absence but that does not mean any of us are happy about it.

Mami is frustrated, angry maybe and that is evident in the way she scans the stadium every few minutes and shakes her head or releases disappointed sighs every once in a while.

Alba is sad and it is obvious because she makes no effort to hide the tears that brim in her eyes behind her smile. She tells me it is proud but I know when she looks longingly over to where Alexia should be standing beside me that she is just as upset as I am.

I am offended but I do my best to hide my emotions. I try to be as happy as I can because I am somewhat exhilarated from the experience despite sitting on the bench for the full 90 minutes.

Keira and Ona were being rested for the whole match and it turns out that Keira is hilarious and Ona can provide the best commentary on any match. They are a good pairing and I enjoyed making fun of Keira as she struggled to keep up with our (very slow) Spanish.

I am definitely looking forward to playing at some point. The thought makes me so incredibly nervous but I don't think there will be a better feeling than finally stepping out onto that field with my name on my back and representing my childhood club.

Mami holds me in her arms after she's satisfied with the pictures and I feel a tear drop onto my head.

"I am so proud of you, nina, you have made me proud from the day you were born and you will continue forever. This is just the start of everything. Papi is looking down on us right now with pride too, he's telling all his friends that you are his baby bear and that he taught you everything you know."

I sniffle in her arms.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me Mami, I would be nothing if not for you."

"Oh, hija, I love you."

"I love you too."

Alba throws herself into the hug and proclaims it is now a group hug. Mami chuckles and extends one of her arms around her.

"Mi hermanita is all grown up!" Alba cheers quietly so only me and Mami can hear. "15 years old and in the first team, a record?"

"Only a record when I leave the bench, Alba." I whack the back of her head with my hand and she recoils from the hug in mock annoyance.

"I should go, Mami, I'll meet you out the front?"

She nods and I kiss her cheek before wandering back to the changing rooms.

I am surprised when they are empty but the sound of the showers tells me that I will not be alone for long.

It is supposed to be a happy feeling, but I can not help but feel alone in this room, full of the belongings of people who are older than me, more experienced, skilled. People who know my sister better than I do.

People who will always look up to La Reina. Who will always hang off her every word.

I wish that was me still because if it was, I would not be alone in this locker room right now, I would be celebrating with my sister.

But she is nowhere to be found.

She didn't even say hello to me, she didn't say congratulations, she didn't even acknowledge my existence. It hurts me more than I care to admit, but maybe that is what she meant when she said I was weak.

I wipe the tears out of my eyes before they spill and it is good timing because a whole group of girls walk into the locker room at the same time that Ingrid and Frido return from their showers.

"Our pequena!" Marta cheers when she sees me in my cubby and paces over to pick me up. "You are one of us now, welcome to Barca!"

Everyone cheers and a big smile takes over my face as I am thrown amongst the group of people, being hugged and patted on the back, loud yells in Spanish bouncing round the room.

Aitana holds me for longer than everyone else and whispers her congratulations in my ear.

"You need a lift home today?"

I shake my head and smile.

"Mami and Alba are taking me out to dinner."

Aitana nods and begins talking about how exciting it is that I have finally been introduced to the first team and how I have grown up and I zone out and scan the room.

The loud chatter is a far cry from the near silence that engulfed the room five minutes ago.

I spot Mapi in the corner of the room speaking animatedly to Ingrid.

Frido is also there, laughing with Caro and Marta

Jana is beside Bruna, a giddy smile on her face as they chat to Esmee.

That can only mean one thing, Alexia is somewhere in here but I do not want to speak to her. I do not want to see her and I do not want her to see me. I excuse myself from Aitana to quickly grab my change of clothes and I go over to the showers, spending the longest possible time rinsing myself and washing my hair and an even longer time drying myself and getting changed.

I spend a humiliating amount of time in the stall but I do not hear anyone else come into the bathroom so I don't really think anyone had noticed.

If I had known what was been waiting for me when I opened the door of my stall I probably wouldn't have opened it.

Because the bleached blonde hair was the first thing I clocked, but her confidence oozed out of her as she leant against the wall, her arms crossed, her head resting against the blue paint like she was bored.

I don't say anything when I see her, trying my luck by just walking straight past her but her hand reaches out and stops me from leaving.

"No, Elena, don't run away from me."

"What do you want from me, Alexia?"

She let out an exhale and her features softened slightly. I look down at her feet, willing myself to not make eye contact.

"Why did I find out you had joined my team through a post on Instagram?"

I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders, making an unintelligible sound that tells her that I do not know and I do not care. I try to leave again but she just stops me again.

"Why do I not know anything about you anymore? Why did Mapi find you in the middle of the park near her house last night when you should have been in bed like Mami thought?"

At least Mapi didn't say anything. I was worried, she is terrible at keeping secrets.

I just scoff because I don't know how else to react to the irony.

"Where is your girlfriend?"

She sighs.

"Olga is in the changing room with the others. You can meet her if you would like."

"I do not want to meet her."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I just wanted to confirm it wasn't just another one of Alba's rumours. You never told me."

I am proud that my voice doesn't falter, that it doesn't break. It is calm, level, despite the emotions that are raging inside of me.

"And whose fault is that?"

I roll my eyes but I avoid saying anything. She hesitated before continuing.

"We were best friends Elena, what even happened? Why did you stop talking to me, why did you start skipping our thursday night dinners?"

I scoff as she tries to make eye contact.

"I am not having this conversation now, Alexia. This is supposed to be a happy day but you are ruining it. You don't remember, that is the problem."

"I should be part of this day with you. I am your captain now."

I hold back a laugh.

"yes, captain, anything you say captain." I salute her weakly and turn around to leave, pushing past her outstretched arm.

Mapi looks at me cautiously as I walk back into the changing rooms but she is chatting with Olga and I do not want to have any interaction with her. I wave goodbye to her and Ingrid and say goodbye to a few of the others.

"What did she say?" Aitana had walked out with me and had apparently seen Alexia enter the showers earlier as well.

"That she is my captain now." I don't think I will ever forget her coldness.

"She is also your sister, Lena, she must be proud?"

If she is she has not shown it.

"She is my captain before she is my sister." My voice is monotone and I stare straight ahead of me. "Football always comes before family. It always has for Alexia."

Aitana shakes her head.

"It should not, it is not healthy."

I can't help but agree with the midfielder beside me.

~~~~~~

Dinner with Mami and Alba is nice, although I shouldn't have expected the topic of my oldest sister to be completely neglected the whole evening. Thankfully, she waits until we are all in the car driving home to bring it up.

"Your sister should have been there today, Elena." She makes eye contact with me through the rear view mirror and I look away.

"There are many things she should have done but didn't." I mumble quietly so Mami can't hear me, but Alba does and she looks back at me weirdly.

"Alexia said she was going to talk to you, she told us how proud she was and I said that you would want to hear her say it to you."

"She's... proud of me?" My voice is soft and I can see my mother's eyebrows furrow in the mirror.

"Of course she is, you are her baby sister and you have just joined her team. She was upset that you didn't tell her and I don't think she really understood why but, Lena, she was practically crying. She is a very proud big sister. I told her to come with us tonight and she seemed keen, said she would meet you in the changerooms and come out with you."

"Why does she tell you all this but when she talks to me she is so cold?" My voice is barely a whisper yet both Mami and Alba hear me loud and clear.

"She went to meet you in the dressing room, she was excited for you to meet Olga and Olga was excited as well. What did she say to you?" Mami frowns, her eyes flickering over to Alba who also had creases in her forehead.

I shrug.

"She asked me why I didn't tell her that I had joined, why she doesn't know anything about my life anymore. She said she was my captain, she should be part of my life. I think she meant my football life, not my actual one."

"What makes you say that?" Alba is the one who speaks because Mami looks devastated.

I look around dramatically. "If she wanted to be part of my actual life she would be here right now, no?"

Alba runs her hands over her face in frustration but I don't think she is frustrated at me. Just the situation. I think it has upset Alba more than anyone else and I feel guilty.

"Sorry." 

"No, hermanita, this is not your fault, I just don't understand what is going through Alexia's head."

"It's ok, Alba, Mami. I don't mind. Really, I don't."

Mami just shakes her head. She is not happy and she clearly does mind.

"No, you and your sister need to sort this out, pequena, I simply cannot stand it any more. You will be home for dinner this Thursday and you will talk about it."

"But I have train-" I am interrupted.

"No you do not, you are not playing with the B team at the moment, don't be ridiculous. You will be there and we will discuss it then. We also need to discuss what we are going to do about your school."

I groan, although the change in topic is appreciated.

"Mami! I don't want to have to go back to school because I'd rather do this." She sighs and I roll my eyes.

"La Masia has made an arrangement that will allow you to continue your classes there but your days will be rearranged. You will go to training with the first team until 2, then you will go over to La Masia and do your school classes with your peers there. They will get you a tutor to study with you in the evenings when training usually is to make up for the school you missed in the morning."

Unfortunately, Mami has always been adamant that we get a good education despite mine and Alexia's obsessions with football.

I was quick to get out of the car when we arrived home, having dropped Alba off at her apartment on the way back. I went up to my room quickly, changing into my pajamas and heading to bed quite quickly.

Mami called out to tell me that she was going to see Alexia before bed, so I sat on my phone for a while, the doors locked and my lights switched off.

But my phone was plugged in and my eyes were closed when a soft fist hit my door twice. Thinking it was just mami, I called for her to enter.

But when I registered that bleach blonde hair for the second time that day, all I felt was regret.

"I am tired, Alexia. Please, just let me sleep."

"Elena, please." I hadn't noticed the tears that dripped down her face, the slump in her usual perfect posture. Her voice cracked when she said my name. "I miss you."

"Alexia. It has been a long day, I am tired, I want to sleep. Please, Alexia. Let me sleep." I am acting immature but I am tired, and I don't want to have this conversation now.

She let out a soft exhale, stepping towards me and placing a kiss on the side of my head that is exposed to the air.

I try to ignore the warm shivers it sends down my spine, it has been so long since she did that; since she did something she used to do every night.

She walks slowly back to the door, stopping as she reaches it and resting her hand on the door handle.

"Mami says you don't think I am proud of you. It is not true. I am so proud of you and I love you, pequena. But I don't think you need me anymore, I think you're fine without me. I am sorry, Elena. I am sorry for not being there for you when I should have been, but I will take a step back. I am so proud of you."

She pushed down the door handle and was gone just as quickly as she came and I resisted the urge to call out and tell her she had got it all wrong. I want her to take a step forward, she has already taken a step back. She has already taken 50 steps back.

I need her. More than anything.

But I can't rely on her. I can not be weak in front of her.

I am a Putellas. I can not be weak.

She has to be right. I am fine without her.

~~~~~~

She is still home when I walk downstairs in the morning, her eyes puffy and hair a mess as she sits on the kitchen table with a coffee. My sigh alerts her to my presence but I turn my back on her as soon as I enter the kitchen.

"Elena, please." I don't know how I changed my sister from a leader to a beggar, but today is not the day to ask when that happened.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal silently and head straight back upstairs, locking my bedroom door and eating my breakfast before sitting down on the piano stall, my fingers immediately jumping onto the keys, improvising and experimenting with new notes, chords and rhythms.

I don't know what Mami said to Alexia when she visited last night, but to be quite honest I don't want to know. I just need to keep being ok without my older sister, no matter how much I miss her. She said I should be fine without her, so I will be.

For some reason, I neglect to consider the other words she said.

"I miss you."

"I am so proud of you."

"I love you."

I think I ignore those statements because I can't seem to grasp their validity. If she missed me, she would have seen me; she would have come to my games. If she was proud of me I would already know, she would have told me like Mami had, like Alba had. Like everyone else who is proud of me has.

If she loved me... If she loved me she would be my older sister again.

I miss her, I am proud of her and I love her. It is true and I have never once doubted those emotions.

But it feels like she is just saying what she wants me to hear. What Mami said that she should say to me. I don't think she actually means it.

How could someone who loves me tell me that I am weak?

How could someone who is proud of me tell me that she doesn't want me to achieve my dreams, that she never wants to share a shirt because I am haven't had to work for it?

I don't understand how it could be true, both things at the same time.

I curse at the tear that spills out of my eye, rubbing it away aggressively and shaking my head at myself. No. I can not be weak. Not today, not ever.

My sisters words from today, from yesterday, from three years ago spin in my mind and my fingers become more and more aggressive on the keys of my piano, my song increasing in intensity; reflecting my emotions in the only way I know how. The keys are my home, the notes are my head and the song is my heart. 

Though sometimes the song sounds broken, like right now when there is so much going on. So many chords, rhythms. Increasing speed, increasing volume. My fingers moving at a million miles an hour, barely hitting one key before moving to the next. 

There is so much going on that it is overwhelming, so much going on that it could just explode. Into a million pieces. So many pieces that it would be futile to even try and put them back together.

It does that sometimes, and I have to fall back down to the softness and calmness of the easy rhythms, easily sailing away from the broken song like it never even existed. 

But it always existed, and it's remains will always be there at the bottom of the sea, haunting me, threatening to re-emerge. 

I realise I have been grieving my sister like she has died. I grieve the death of our relationship and how it has changed so quickly and so aggressively. I miss her more than anything, but the thought of what it used to be is overwhelming, it fills me with dread, with complete sadness. 

Those notes that exploded so long ago, still lying dormant somewhere, never gone, never forgotten. There are so many of them, I just wish she would help me pick them up.

My song has already exploded, so I resort to playing soft chords, tears now spilling from my eyes in a continuous stream. There are too many to wipe away and I know that my eyes will be red and my cheeks puffy when I eventually do. I have lost my sister in a way that is almost impossible to comprehend.

Because Alexia isn't dead, and somehow that makes her distance so much harder to understand, so much more hurtful.

She isn't dead, she has just decided she does not want to be a part of my life any more.

The song comes to a conclusion, and my fingers rest on the keys, my eyes staring ahead at the empty stand in front of me, trying their very best to not slip upwards towards the picture that I know hangs directly above it.

The picture of me and my family the day I was born, held in Alexia's arms as Alba tried her best to share me, both of them sitting beside Mami in bed as Papi watched on with a proud smile.

I would go back to that day in an instant if I was given the opportunity.

~~~~~~

I don't go back downstairs until I hear the front door close and Alexia's car drive away. I give it a few minutes before I actually leave the safe haven that my bedroom has become, ignoring Mami's watchful eyes as I slump onto the sofa, using the remote to switch on the tv.

I only watch it for five minutes before my mother switches it off, standing by the door and looking directly at me.

"She is confused, Elena. She doesn't know why this has all happened but she is angry with herself for not being there for you more."

I roll my eyes. Of course she doesn't remember.

"Maybe she should use her brain. Maybe she should just think."

Mami shakes her head at me, it could be in frustration, maybe disappointment. I still do not look at her.

"Maybe you could just talk to her! She doesn't know how to love you when you won't let her. She wanted you to meet Olga yesterday, but you left. She wanted to speak to you last night or this morning but you ignored her."

"But Mami, it is not my fault! It should not be up to me to fix what she has broken."

"She is trying, Elena, and at the moment that is what matters. This just can not go on, you are in the same family, the same football team! Mapi spoke to me yesterday, you know. She was practically crying, Elena, it's effecting even her."

"I never should have opened my mouth to her. Now she has involved herself in something that is not her business." My voice is poisonous and my words aggressive. I know Mapi would be heartbroken if she could hear this, she always has tried so hard to do what is best. Especially when it was about me.

I love Mapi, I always have. She never thought I did because I never gravitated towards her at training when I was little, but that was just because I thought she was another sister - she was like Alexia, always around.

When I was 11, maybe, I didn't realise how upset she got about me 'not liking her', and I had made a joke about never hanging around with Mapi. It was when she left the room that Alexia pulled me to the side harshly.

"Even if you don't like her, Elena, you have to pretend! She is my best friend and she loves you so much."

I remember looking at her with my mouth agape - I love Mapi, I always did. I was confused, it was a meaningless joke - a version of a joke I made all the time to Alexia.

Alexia didn't need to tell me to go talk to her, but I didn't know what to say when I walked out the door and found her sitting down with her back to the wall, tears pouring down her face. I explained everything and she apologised for being dramatic.

Since then, we have gotten along well and I have tried to spend time with her when I can.

It has been harder in the last couple years when I have fallen out with Alexia. They are best friends, I don't want to get in the way of that.

Mami's anger brings me right back to reality.

"That is enough, Elena! Maria only wants to help, but she can't, nobody can do anything except you and Alexia."

I resist rolling my eyes, instead releasing a huff of air.

"I'll think about it." 

My arms are folded and I turn back towards the blank screen, ignoring the way Mami sighs and walks away. 

It is only when I hear her door close that I let my angry facade crumble, my body shaking as I resist the tears. 

I need to stop crying. 

Alexia thinks I am strong enough to do everything by myself.

I need to prove to her that I can. 

Maybe then she will tell me she is proud of me. 

~~~~~~

this is pretty much all the prewritten stuff i have, will write more soon once my exams are done

let me know if there's anything you want to see in the next parts

[pixiesfz]

part 2 of this

moving on j.r x reader

plot: you are an adult now and move to Manchester

warnings: in this jill never played at Arsenal and also this has some heavy themes of SA and toxic relationships

Years later you had gotten out of your family home, earning enough money to fly out to Manchester and own your apartment, leaving your family behind.

You had healed.

You were openly out and had made many friends in the city. You sometimes went out to watch the soccer, men's or women’s. It gave you the comfort that reminded you of Jill.

You had seen her Instagram, your finger hovering over the follow button for far too long.

Career-wise your life had been doing amazing, all your singing writing as a teenager had paid off as you sold your songs off to famous singers and heard them sing them on stages.

You had recently finally settled into your apartment, just adding in a small detail here and there.

Your favourite part of owning your own home was the control you had, picking which sheets you used, choosing what paint color you would paint your bedroom walls, and finally choosing who you let in.

You never told your parents where exactly you were moving, you just said Europe and left.

You didn’t want them trying to control you in your own home.

It was about your fifth week in Manchester when you met Ellie, you were walking from a local furniture store with a rugged stool in your hand, you thought it wouldn’t be a hassle to walk but when he offered you two for the price of one you took it.

And now you couldn’t see where you were going.

Ellie was walking nearby and noticed your struggle immediately, walking over and offering to help you.

“I’m Ellie” she introduced herself once she placed the stool in front of your door

“Y/N” you smiled before looking at the door and then back to the older girl “Would you like to come in?” you asked, a blush roaming over your cheeks.

Ellie nodded “Yeah I would like that”, you nodded back before opening the door for both of you as you placed the stools down nearby.

You had swapped numbers that night, an obvious connection being created as you saw each other more.

You had created some friends in your workplace, sharing fun ideas with each other and sharing stories.

“You and Ellie are so perfect it’s like a movie” Olivia gushed as you told her how she brought you flowers last night. “I know, she’s amazing” you laughed, placing your papers down.

“It’s good being able to love in person, not behind a door” you told her and she nodded, already knowing about your past life when you lived with your parents.

“I’m happy for you”.

You had been so infatuated with Ellie that you never heard of the news of Jill’s move to Manchester City from Wolfsburg. Personally you were following Manchester United but Ellie was big on City so when she dragged you to a Manchester derby you were a tad bit excited.

You had also invited Olivia and her husband to come with you as you all sat down in the stands. The game was starting soon as you cheered for the girls in red, you knew they would most likely lose from how good you heard City were doing but you still had hope.

Jill had walked out onto the field, shaking her hands to rid of her nerves, she craned her neck round after before shaking her legs, a small ritual she did as she walked onto the ground.

There wasn’t a big crowd today, due to the earlier game time but she didn’t mind, usually, when she played in small games she was more aware of all her options.

You were watching the united girls warm up in front of you, joining into chants here and there, your girlfriend refusing to sing the chants with you.

“Oh C’mon babe just one” you whined, pulling out your finger to represent the number “You sing a city one then” she shot back and you shook your head “Only if you sing united”

“Ok what about Roord, she’s my favourite player” your girlfriend said and your skin went pale.

“Roord?” you question and your girlfriend smiled “yeah Jill, she plays for your international team, I’ll teach you all about soccer babe it’s fine”

You reached your head around to see the City girls and there she was.

She was taller, her hair was blonder and she was still as gorgeous as ever, Jill.

Your Jill.

You choked on your water, throwing a thumbs up when Olivia’s husband asked if you were okay.

When the game started you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her, fortunately, Ellie was too into the game to notice your very obvious stare at the Dutch player.

When the game ended 2-0 City’s way you watched as your girlfriend ran back to the stands to grab a pen.

Jill had started her lap around the oval, deciding to go do it herself instead of with Kerstin because she didn’t want to stand through another lovey-dovey conversation between her and her girlfriend.

You had been talking to someone behind you when she heard a Dutch accent, being intrigued to find a Dutch person at a game but when she looked up to you she was frozen, ignoring the fans calling her name.

“Y/N?”

You turned around from the sound of your name only to be met with the eyes that you fell in love with years ago.

“Y/N?” another voice popped up and you turned your head to your girlfriend who had knocked her head in the direction of Jill.

“Oh, Ellie uhm- “

“Do you want that signed?” Jill asked, directing her hand to the City jersey Ellie held in her hands before she nodded

“How do you know my girlfriend?” Ellie asked before you looked at her weirdly, Jill also looking up with shock

“We went to the same school” Jill smiled dryly before passing back the shirt “Uh it was nice to see you,” Jill said to you before walking straight to the tunnel, skipping the rest of the fans.

You shared weird looks with all of your friends. Ellie’s eyes looking down at you. “Why did you never tell me you knew one of my favourite soccer players?”

You shrugged a fake laugh escaping your lips “I guess it just never came up.”

The car ride home was silent, Olivia and her husband left in an Uber from the game to go to her parents house, which left you and Ellie in the car alone.

Usually, this wouldn’t matter to you. You and Ellie are in the car together all the time.

This felt different. She hadn’t looked at you since you got in and her knuckles were turning white at the steering wheel.

“Ellie-“ “When you told me your parents found you with a girl once was it Jill?”

You were taken back from the question “Why does it matter?” you ask and she rolled her eyes “Was it?”

You scoffed “I don’t see how it’s any of your business but yes, yes it was”

You saw her knuckles turn even whiter as she turned into her apartment. A pit forms in your stomach “Can you drop me home to mine?” you ask and she turns to you “It’s late y/n, you know I don’t like driving at night”

You pursed your lips nodding “alright” you said and got out of the car.

You decided to shed some light on the situation as you went in “Do you want to watch some Netflix, you can pick a show and I’ll make popcorn” You smiled and Ellie nodded, a slight smile on her lips as she kissed your cheek and made her way into her bedroom.

“That’s not the living room!” you joke but you hear no reply.

Once you finally finished the popcorn you walked into the living room to see no Ellie “Ellie c’mon housewives is on!” You yell out to your girlfriend who finally comes back in with black trousers on, she looks a bit blushed but you ignore it.

“hey” she smiled at you before sitting next to you “What were you doing in your room for so long?” you asked softly and she shrugged “Got distracted on my phone I guess” she shrugged and you nodded

Minutes later your fatigue started to take control of you as you rolled to the pillow next to you, Ellie watching with a smirk.

“I have a surprise for you” she whispered and you hummed “What is it?” you asked and she smiled up against your ear before kissing your neck gently “Here”.

You pushed away when she pressed her body against your back and you felt it. She must have put it on whilst she was in her room.

You just wanted to have a rest on the couch “Not tonight El” you told her, taking her hand and kissing it gently.

But Ellie didn’t seem to like that idea because she pressed harder against you “please I just want you so bad”

You shook your head “I’m not that into it tonight” You shrugged and tried to sit up but your girlfriend's arms pushed you back down before she hovered over you.

You panicked “What are you doing?”

“I want you,” she said and started kissing your neck as you tried to push her away but instead, she grabbed your hands and pulled them above you “Stop fighting it you wanted it last week”

“Get off me,” you told her, now using your legs but they were no use as she sat on your lap “Ellie stop-“

You were silenced as her palm hit your face “Shut up”

“I’m going to fuck you and you are going to like it”.

[blorbocedes]

let me take you guys on a journey. one that will help you understand how annoyingly obsessive and hung up my brain can get......

so here is where our wild goose chase starts. I was going through a 2012 f1 blog's nico tag. it's actually pretty rare for early 2010s blogs to have comprehensive tagging systems so whenever I find one I try to go thru it all. and I come across this v cute nico image (cropped for posterity. payoff will be worth it promise)

here we have a picture, from 2012, and in classic 2012 fashion there is meme text on it. OP of the original pic deactivated. so I want to find the version without the meme text. pretty easy, just reverse google search right?

WRONG!

google reverse search is functionally dead and defunct and absolutely dogshit.

ok back to square one. I'm trying to sus out from whatever information I have.

the other meme watermark of f1humour.tumblr.com? deactivated.

okay 37 notes. maybe I can do something with this.

tumblr kind of breaks (?) with very old posts. so even if someone tagged it, I can't see it. ok but 14 people liked it!

of the 14 accounts only 7 actually show, including mine. so what I do is I go through 6 of those blogs, and their public archives because those accounts are all inactive for several YEARS now. and I check their blogs for April 2012.

no luck.

back to the drawing board.

the meme has a MOTORSPORT.COM watermark.

here's all the information I have: this was posted on April 24th, 2012, which means that's my upper limit on the date this could be taken. Nico got in Mercedes in 2010. So from anywhere between 2010-2012 motorsport images couldve taken this pic.

so, because I was born with excessive intelligence, I think hmmm... let me search the archives of Motorsport Images dot com. surely that is where Motorsport dot com would keep their Images.

two years of a racing driver's pictures means thousands of pictures. okay. let's start from April 2012. unfortch for keen eyed listening, April 2012 was also the Chinese Grand Prix aka Nico's first f1 win.

why is that relevant? because it means every photographer and their MOTHER took a picture of nico for his first win. over 900+ images.

while I am exhibiting extremely unemployed levels of behavior here, I don't actually have the time and brain capacity to sift through 900 images.

I go back to the original tumblr post. this time I go to the empty reblogs. there's lots!

but because there's no tags it can't help me. still I go through every one of them because you can see the blog I found the pic from @the-fastest-waffle is listed in the other reblogs even though they clearly had tags!

and I find my silver lining. from @fuckyeahf1drivers's tags

just this simple. #bahrain #lol

if this picture is from bahrain 2012 it changes everything, as in it narrows my search a shit tonne.

375 images. This means 1-15 pages and I know the exact picture I'm looking for. I feel like I'm SO close. I can't give up now. gambler mentality 💎

so I guess what. I go through all 15 goddamn pages. and I DONT FIND IT!!!!!!!!! SCREEEEEECH

now I've lost hope. if it's not from bahrain 2012 then it can be from anywhere from 2010-2012 taken by motorsport.com which is just too big a search. there isn't anything I can narrow it down with. my search is futile.

but I have one tiny little thought bugging my mind. how come motorsport images don't have the motorsport.com watermark... so I consult a fellow archivist @vegasgrandprix on the matter.

WE AS A SOCIETY NEED TO ADDRESS WHY MOTORSPORT.COM AND MOTORSPORT IMAGES.COM HAVE THE SAME FONT

finally. finally

I go on motorsport.com

which is actually kind of not super user friendly interface finding their pics if you have excessive intelligence like I do. I go into this knowing if the bahrain 2012 long shot is actually NOT when that picture is from, I'm fucked.

I filter and say a prayer.

and lo and behold.

salvation.

one person's singular tag of 'bahrain 2012 lol' led me down this spiral, where if it wasn't for that bit of information this would be lost forever because finding the version of the pic without the meme text is otherwise near impossible. google reverse search is no help, and f1 drivers simply get photographed way too much. reblogs + tags with context literally are a holy grail. this is what I imagine archaeologists feel like. so if you ever want someone 12 years after you've posted something to go down finding out, tag your posts accordingly (assuming tumblr survives the next decade)

so why did I do it? why did I spend hours of my life on this? cause it's fun. it's like a mystery and it itches at my skin. many times I'm not successful which is why the times I am feels so rewarding because it feels almost like detective work, finding and refinding something, overturning evidence. and I have a brain that just functions Like This.

and now for the fruit of my labour, if you guys still want to see. the picture I spent hours to find the original version of. sitting proudly at the time of posting at 9 notes 😌😌 here's what goes behind actually finding and archiving 2010s retired f1 drivers online. click below!

👇👇👇

👆👆👆

[class1akids]

BNHA Chapter 425 - Thoughts

So I guess Hori did decide to just skip the end of the battle, my hospital academia and go straight to UA graduation?

It was teased back in Ch 360, so yeah it needed to happen and it seems like drawing Neijire is a special happy place for Hori (also the sketch he couldn't even wait until Sunday to drop, lol)

Mic DJ-ing right after ShiraGiri's death is sort of odd, but on top of the gags, there are some more serious moments.

What stood out to me was Mirio's comment about how the heroes' fight "is always for the sake of returning the negatives to zero on the whole." It reminded me of Ch 341 - The Story of how We All Became Heroes Minus ① which featured Touya, Toga, Spinner and of course Tomura suffering the transformation. So I can't help but feel it's related to the LoV's fate.

The class is together 😭 crying like a proud parent (whose tumblr handle just became obsolete).... and Aizawa is staying. Yay. After 400+ chapters they made it to second year!!!

Bakugou omg, out of the hospital in a tie which he somehow tied with one hand, being calm... (it's still odd to the others? - but I guess his apology happened like 3 weeks ago in-verse). It seems like he might end up with a scar, just like Izuku (and it's a bit like Kudou's, of course).

Aoyama leaving - I talked about this in one of the asks, but for me it's ok that it's his choice being respected and that the class clearly would be happy to have him stay. Though I wonder if his parents are just suddenly given amnesty for being "AFO's victims" and what that may mean for other villains.

Shinsou joins Class A long at last. Yay! Is he going to get Aoyama's room or join the 5th floor boys? I do wonder if the kids are still in the dorms even.

The Fuwa-stans are getting fed. But Class 2-A (can't get used to this...) will take a year long field trip around Japan. Reminds me of the 100 million tour newpaper sketches.

I liked Shoto mentioning AFO - how he was born in an era of turmoil (which I read as him saying that preventing the rise of such villains is now). It also seems to contradict what All Might said last chapter about Deku already being the greatest hero to everyone.

But also Shouto speaks. Normal speech bubbles. Has a normal voice! Yay! (still don't get it why he didn't speak in Ch 422 though)

Izuku looks troubled. Either because of what Shouto said or because of Fuwa senpai's comments about needing to experience a sudden death to understand why you'd want to be a hero. He certainly is not ready to run celebratory circles.

Watch them all walk together (TDBK covered by Iida's speech bubble, but I recognize them from Shouto's messenger bag and Katsuki's loose pants)

OMG, these guys are a total disaster. I don't know what Deku wanted to say, but Ochako obviously shut him down (and thought it was about her "let him rest" speech which apparently the class keeps teasing her for). Also Hori is using her to explain Deku's haircut.

And here, she looks weirdly happy compared to last time, but it could be just a front...

poor Deku though... he thinks she hates his haircut

No idea who the new guy is, but looks like someone escaped / let loose from a medical facility. Could be regenerated Tenko I guess or someone similar to him who can be saved by Deku this time. I prefer it to be the real Tenko because I want to see Tenko Rising. I think he looks too young to be Deku's dad tbh.

TDDK scene !!! Yay!!! (I wonder if Deku tries to talk both to Ochako and Shouto because of his feelings about Tenko... I really badly want a saviour squad scene)

Todoroki looks hopeful but not sure if it's genuine (it could be putting on a front to stop Izuku from worrying). But his foot is like when he went to see his mom the first time, so I tend to read that right now as a good sign.

"っし" (?????) - there is definitely a shift of emotion.

Endeavor is sitting in front of a giant tank / or secure room window. (?) (Probably the same window Shouto was looking in last chapter.

From the context and framing it's clear that it's Touya. For now alive. Endeavor is finally keeping his promise and is watching.

And the editorial blurb also suggests we may get Hellish Todoroki Family 3 after the two weeks break. I'm very worried, but also since we are strapping in for a longer epilogue it seems, I don't expect things to go smoothly for them just yet.

[wobblesthecowgirl]

Hii! I literally love your page so much! If you don’t mind, could you write an Arthur x Fem reader fluff?

So I was thinking, Arthur and the reader are close friends and she has feelings for him, like I mean she is HEAD OVER HEELS for him! But she thinks that he likes Mary-Beth or something and somehow he finds out about her feelings towards him and how she thinks he likes Mary-Beth and he confronts her and is like “I don’t like her I like you” and they kiss or something idk I JUST NEED HIM SO BAD RN😭

I Only Want You.

Arthur Morgan x Femreader

I apologise for the long delay! But thank you so much for your patience and request! I hope you enjoy it! And thank you so much for the love! <3

⋆｡‧˚ʚ🍓ɞ˚‧｡⋆

“Why not write him a letter?”

Y/n was sitting on a log with Abigail under the sun, looking out to the beautiful scenery before them on the edge of the cliff. They were discussing Arthur, a common topic between the two, and Abigail was trying to convince her friend to finally confess.

“A letter?” She tilted her head.

Abigail nodded, “Yes! I mean, you love to write, and you’re too much of a baby to speak to him about your feelings. I think a letter is perfect. You can leave it for him without seeing his face.” 

Y/n thought about it and agreed it wasn’t a bad idea at all. She could sneak into Arthur’s tent with a letter telling him everything she’s always wanted to say, and wait for a response. So, she smiled and hugged her friend tightly, before standing up quickly and making her way to her own tent to begin writing. 

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

This was harder than she thought. She assumed being able to sit and think carefully about what she wanted to say would be easy, but it just filled her head with more doubts. Before she could start her fourth draft, she heard a ton of horses outside and quickly hid the crumpled up pieces of paper. Most of the men were robbing a wagon and had just come back; from the cheers and laughs, she could only assume it went well. She got up from her chair and peeked her head out of her tent and almost screamed in surprise. Arthur stood right outside her tent.

“Oh! Mr Morgan, you scared me!” She laughed it off, a hand to her chest as he chuckled with her.

“I apologise, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I just wanted to tell you how the robbin’ went.”

“I assume it went well, given the smile on your face.” Y/n smiled as she looked around to the other men already cracking bottles of beer. The pair went quiet and the woman wanted to burst into a confession then and there. The sun was setting and it casted a orange glow to his face. His hat caused a small shadow over his eyes and his smile was small and earnest. The little wrinkles around his eyes and mouth only made him more attractive, and his moustache had been recently trimmed. 

“Well, I best get back inside now. I’m a very busy lady.” She excused herself. He smiled a little wider and watched her close the tent, almost disappointed with their short exchange. 

After their conversation, Y/n got back to her desk and this time, the words began to spill out onto the page with ease:

Dear Arthur,

Firstly, I must apologise. I am too much of a coward to face you, so I’ve resorted to writing this letter.

The truth is, I have fallen head over heels for you. You may not agree with me, but you are a good and genuine man. You’ve helped me in more ways than you could ever imagine. The day you rescued me from my burning horse from the O’Driscolls, I thought my life was over. But, to my surprise, it was the start of an even better life. I truly can’t thank you enough.

I don’t expect you to reciprocate these feelings, and that is ok. I wouldn’t want to ruin this friendship we have formed.

Yours, Y/n.

She kept re-reading it over and over again while a million what ifs ran through her head. What if he’s put off by the letter? What if he has someone already? What if he laughs at her? 

She shook her head. She had written it now, all she had to do was plant it in his tent and hide, wallow away in bed while her anxiety ate her up. She folded it and wrote his name on it before peeking her head out the tent again and tip-toeing to his tent. When she saw he wasn’t inside, she snuck in and placed the letter on his bedside table. 

Y/n felt satisfied with herself, until she saw a letter on his desk with the name ‘Mary Linton’. Her stomach dropped. Who was this Mary? Was she a lover? A relative? Feeling sick, she rushed out the tent, leaving her letter behind.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

“You alright there, Y/n?” Tilly asked her while she zoned out. It was now night-time, and her mind was eating her up all evening. The women were sat around the fire doing what they do best: gossiping. Of course, Grimshaw or Molly hadn’t joined them, but that was always the case. 

“Hmm? Sorry, yeah I’m good.” She brushed it off, taking a big swing of whiskey. The rest of her friends spared glances at one another. Karen piped up while also taking a swig of her own whiskey, “Yeah, I ain't buying that. You’ve been sulking all evening.” 

Y/n sighed and began biting her nails out of habit, wondering if asking them about Arthur was a smart idea. But she couldn’t keep letting the question eat away at her.

“Do any of you know who Mary Linton is?”

Mary-Beth looked surprised at the question, “Mary? You don’t know?”

Her stomach dropped again. 

“No I don’t.” 

Tilly shook her head, already feeling bad for her friend. Everyone but Arthur knew that Y/n had feelings for the older man, it was a miracle the man himself hadn’t figured it out. Tilly sighed, “She used to be his woman. About ten years ago now, but her daddy didn’t like him so it didn't work out. I keep telling him to let it go.” 

There it was. Her what ifs became reality. She couldn’t hide her disappointment and took another swig of the whiskey. And another. Then another one. 

“Slow down girl! You’ll end badly!” Tilly tried to grab the bottle out her hand but she moved it out of her reach. By now, Y/n vision was hazy and her head felt light. The smell of whiskey was strong on her breath but she felt a little more relaxed at least. 

“It’s obvious Arthur likes you back.” Mary-Beth tried to help her feel better, but all she did in response was roll her eyes.

“Oh please. Don’t get my hopes up.” She pouted as she finished the whiskey off. All the women were getting up and getting ready for bed but she decided to sit by the fire a little longer. Karen patted her back, “Please just take it easy. Get some rest soon.” And with that, she was left alone. She just stared into the fire, her mind restless, when she heard a twig snap. She snapped her head back and saw the root of her problems. He looked confused at her state. 

“Y/n? What are you still doing at this hour?” 

“Nothing.” She frowned, facing away from him, kicking a stone away despite being sat on the log. Arthur sat down next to her, his knee inches away from hers. 

“You smell of whiskey, doll. You been drinking too much to handle?” His voice was laced with concern, which only infuriated her more. Why care for her when he already had a woman he cared for? 

“Why do you care?” She sounded harsher than she meant to. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was her patience running thin. Maybe it was her disappointment. Either way, her response still shocked him. 

“Why wouldn't I?” He asked, and her heart kept sinking lower and lower. They fell silent, and Y/n heard him reach into his pockets and took out the letter. Her eyes widened as she tried to snatch it out his hands but he raised his arm higher. 

“Just leave it Arthur!” She shouted, still trying to grab it as he kept his arm in the air, a firm hand on her shoulder to push her lightly. 

“Why are you behaving like this? I just want to talk about it.” He tried to calm her down as she stopped prying at him. 

“I know about Mary.” She stated which caused his eyes to widen slightly. He glanced at the letter before folding it and putting it back in his pocket. 

“The women gossiping again?” He chuckled a little dry, so she only hummed in response. Their gossips were never wrong though, she thought to herself. 

“That's history, love. She was only writing to me to help her brother,  but I don't like her like I used to.” Arthur grabbed her chin much to her alarm, and gently turned her to face him, before brushing a strand of hair in her face out the way. 

That damn smile. 

“I love you too. I ain't need a silly little letter, you could've told me and I would've swept you up in a heartbeat.” 

It's like time stopped. The alcohol must've gotten to her head. She must've blacked out. Died even, and seen the pearly gates. 

But when he leaned forward, and softly kissed her, she felt more awake than ever. He pulled away before she could even react, and his face was bright red. 

“Was that a bad kiss? It looks like it was.” He coughed awkwardly. 

“No…no not at all. I'm just in shock. I didn't think you actually liked me.” 

He laughed light before leaning closer again, a hand on the back of her head, “I don't like you, sweetheart. I love you.” 

This time she kissed back, harder. Months of pent up tension between the two was finally being released. It was surprising the two didn't go mad.  

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

They spent the rest of the night sitting next to the fire, holding hands, and Y/n rested her head on his chest as he held her close. His tumb traced her knuckles as she listened to his heartbeat. She felt protected, safe, warm, and comfortable. She could happily stay like that forever.

Unknown to the pair, the women of the camp were watching from a distance, with giant grins on their faces.

[foldingfittedsheets]

I just remembered you used to work in a sex shop, would you be ok answering sex shop questions?

I'm looking for a double ended dildo that is long and flexible enough to share with my gf, but doesn't look like a biologically accurate dick. is there such a thing?

Ooh! Not that I found but!

There’s a cool thing I always thought was way better. The Feeldoe is a strapless strap on. There’s a bulb to insert vaginally to hold up the shaft. The internal stim is significantly better than a regular strap on, you can add a vibrating bullet into it, and they come in different sizes.

My only beef is that the silicone they use is so grippy. It’s fine when it’s lubed up but I prefer a more velvety feel to my toys but that might be preference.

There’s knock offs but “strapless strap on” will pull them up, and both partner get nice feedback from thrusting.

[ryebread0605]

The Mighty King

~It’s my birthday I get to have subby Leona as a gift~

Dom!reader, sub!Leona

⚠️⚠️Includes bondage, light degradation, edging, use of toys, overstimulation⚠️⚠️

“Who knew the big tough lion was really such a needy whore~?” Leona was tied to the bedframe as a vibrator sat inside of him, his bare skin glistening with sweat and face contorted from pleasure. He let out a snarl before inhaling sharply as the vibrations increased.

“H-herbivore this isn’t fair” the two of you had been at this for a while now, bringing him just barely to his peak before turning off the vibrations entirely once again as he squirmed against his restraints. His tail thumped against the bed as he tried desperately to seek the relief he craved. A laugh escaped your throat at that comment.

“Fair? What’s not fair is how you thought it to be ok to try and tease me. You know your place, you deal with the consequences” his balls were swollen with a throbbing need to be released, every slight touch on his body by you making it harder and harder on him to not beg more. “Remember, all you have to do is say sorry and then you’ll be allowed to relieve that burning sensation~”

The lion beastman’s ears twitch, growling a bit before quickly stopping when given a sharp glare by you. He whined, the sound like music to your ears, before he finally gave in. “P-please just please I need it..” his voice was shy, a sound most would never hear apart from you. A smirk made its way to your face, “need what my pet?” 

“I need to cum! Please!” His voice broke from desperation as he attempted to buck his hips up. With a small laugh, you smiled at him, “good boy, that’s my good pet” the vibrations increased again, this time not stopping as his eyes turned hazy and head was thrown back, pure ecstasy bursting through his body as the knot in his core snapped and his vision went white. 

His moans grew louder as the vibrations only increased, the teasing grin on your face as you straddled him made him bite his lip. He groaned as he watched you prep yourself, fingering your hole with teasingly loud moans to stretch yourself enough. After you were thoroughly prepared, you lined his still dripping cock up with your hole before bottoming out in a swift movement. His back arched, the mix of your tight hole clenching around him and the vibrations against his prostate made him cum again almost instantly. 

Bouncing up and down on him, the sound of skin against skin and heavy moans filled the room as you threw your head back as well. “F-fuck Leona you’re so good~ my good little toy~” he absolutely loved the way you used him for your pleasure, treating him like a sex toy made only for your holes. As your pace grew faster, you gripped his shoulders and felt your legs begin to shake. “O-oh god I’m gonna cum~!” Your voice wavered, shaky pants and moans pouring from your mouth before finally feeling that warm feeling wash over your body, cum flowing out as your movement stilled.

Panting, you slowly lifted yourself off his cock with a ‘pop’ and untied him. “You were so good hun, such a good boy” you pressed a small kiss to his cheek as he smiled at you. Taking a towel, you cleaned him up and made sure he was ok as well as removing the toy from him. Laying beside him, you cuddled up to him and before long the two of you fell asleep in each others embrace

[maefansblog]

The main point of this specific entry is to make sense of this gif from the trailer.

Most of the time I write these blogs, I do stream of consciousness. I have opinions, I may be wrong, and I'm also learning more about the story/characters by writing them out. It is ok for you to draw your own conclusions and have your own opinions. I just want to share this. 💕

Long Post

Eloise is watching her mom dancing with Marcus. I wonder how hurt, confused, and lonely she must be.

I loved the close friendship that Eloise and Penelope shared in Season 1. I love how innocent, but free spirited she was. She understands that she doesn't have a lot of rights in this society and wants to push back on it. I love that.

I know how narrow-minded Eloise can be. She has disdain when the other debutantes talk about weddings. She was sickened when Daphne was trying to secure a match with Simon.

I have to remind myself that Eloise is growing and she doesn't fully how hurtful the things she says can be.

However, she said it best in Season 3 Episode 2 that she has a habit of saying wrong things at the wrong time.

Even the crush that she had on Theo could be attributing to her hurt. Ultimately, I do not fault her for her not wanting to kiss him. Yet she said no, he stopped himself. She wanted to protect him and make sure he still had his job. To Theo, he thought she would never lower herself in society and would play with his feelings. Theo showed his hurt by lashing out from her rejection.

Eloise pulls away. She is still a lady.

This brings us to Penelope and Eloise's friendship. (I know hot topic. It's no surprise that I don't like how Eloise has treated Penelope since she found out about Lady Whistledown. This is my opinion, you can have your own. Let's be respectful to everyone.) I understand Eloise is coming from a place of hurt not only from Theo, but that her friend would keep such a big portion of her life from her. It's like they took some of the anger from book Colin and gave it to Eloise in Season 2 Episode 8. Only Eloise isn't concerned for Penelope at ALL. She hurt that Pen would keep it from HER. She is hurt that she won't be able to talk to the Queen. She is hurt that Theo wants nothing to do with her (even though she rejected him).

She is hurt at the possibility that she could be "ruined." Which Eloise never was, as you see her gaining even more friends and being welcomed into society. Eloise calls Penelope a Wallflower, befriends her rival (which book Eloise would NEVER), and never wants to speak to her. Then Eloise has the gall to say that Penelope never visited her at Aubrey Hall??? Excuse you?!?!

Penelope does bring scandals to light- even scandals for the Bridgertons. Daphne's lack of suitors because of Anthony, Anthony's wedding, even Eloise's political radical rallies. Yes Eloise would be hurt for her family.

Penelope has not made up ANY of these scandals. It wasn't as if she befriended the Bridgertons solely for Whistledown. It was more like no one was listening to her. She was bullied by society/family, and she created the column. She was trying to protect Theo's job and protect Eloise. Imagine if the printers were raided by the Queen’s guards. All of the people would be out of work. Pen only wrote what Society was already saying. The only instance that she did not was for Eloise and Colin to protect them, and she only did it as a last resort.

If I think objectively about this, Eloise still keeps Penelope’s secret, tells Colin he can still be her friend because she knows that Penelope would be lonely, and she checks in after the scandal (that she caused 🙄).

Now that we're caught up, let's talk about what this post is about. The repercussions of the first gif. Violet dancing.

Part 2 Trailer

When said that Colin and Penelope are engaged, Eloise is being unfair -> Of course, to the audience, we are frustrated because our main couple is finally together, and she can't let them be happy for ONE NIGHT?!

Eloise is being truthful, though. Penelope should tell Colin about Lady Whistledown. Pen has accomplished something amazing and it is a part of her. Colin wants to love all of Pen, and it is unfair of her to keep it from him.

Back to Eloise. I think Cressida and Eloise will have a falling out because of Lady Whistledown. Even if Pen and Eloise resolve things, their relationship won't be the same since Penelope is marrying Colin. Eloise is starting to see everyone around her pairing off. Anthony and Kate, John and Francesca, and Penelope and Colin.

It's going to be a harder gut when she sees her MOTHER dancing with Marcus. The loss of her father has deeply impacted Eloise. Even when Violet was giving birth to Hyacinth, it was traumatic for her.

That is why Eloise, in her young adult mind, is scared of having children and getting married. Above this, Eloise loved her father. Eloise also feels that Violet is disappointed in her sometimes because she just doesn't want to be married. To see Violet with a man other than her father is going to be possibly nuclear.

We know that in the books, Eloise runs away, but I don't think we have the key plot points to have this happen quickly.

Spoilers in emojis: iykyk 💌🌊⚰️🧍‍♂️

I am looking forward to seeing Eloise's character development. My guess is Benedict is next, unless Eloise has been writing secret letters in episodes 5-8.

Whether the reaction from Eloise is understanding, shock, sadness, loneliness, or anger, it's going to be good for the story and good for Eloise. She's a complex character who loves her family. She's strong, stubborn, motivated, inquisitive, and wants more from life than what is handed to her.

After this stream of consciousness, I feel like I know Eloise a little better. Waiting anxiously for the next part to come out!! Ahhhhh!

[oreolemur]

Y/n's Promotion

“Come on…one more drink shouldn’t hurt”, Naoya said, putting the glass of whiskey to your lips. You were reluctant to take it. “I-I probably shouldn’t”, you said. He smiled, pressuring you into drinking. “Why not? We’re celebrating your promotion of course”. Your boss was right. He wanted you to have fun. “Ok…just one more”, you gave in. You took the shot from his hands, chugging it down. “Wow…that one felt…a little stronger”, you said, making a face of disgust. The man praised you for letting loose. “See that wasn’t so bad was it?”, he grinned. The two of you chatted longer at the hotel’s bar. It was a business trip, so Naoya allowed you to take a break and relax. 

He kept ordering drinks, making you down more shots. With your tolerance being low, you felt yourself becoming drunk. Your cheeks were flushed with red as you rested your head on the table. “Are you ok?”, Naoya asked, rubbing your back. You gave him a thumbs down. He helped you out of the chair, telling you that he would help you back to your room. “Come on let's go”. You could barely stand. Naoya wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you. You gripped his shirt, trying not to fall. “Baby steps ok?”, he said, trying to get you to move your legs. You moved slowly. The hotel’s hallway was pretty long. “Which one is your room?”, the man asked. You guided him through slurred words. “I can’t understand what you’re saying, y/n”, he chuckled. Suddenly an idea popped in his head. “How about we go back to my room instead?”, he suggested. You nod, allowing him to take you to his room. 

The moment he reached the door, he opened it, purposefully dropping you onto the hard carpeted floor. “Sorry”, he said, trying to make it seem like an accident. You laid there, unable to move. “Can you…put me…on the bed?”, you asked. He picked you up, dropping you onto the mattress. You rolled over laying on your side. “I d-don’t feel so good”, you whined. You felt like you needed to throw up, but you kept it down. Naoya watched you, laughing. “You’re a funny little assistant”, he smiled. He walked over to you, taking a seat on the bed. “You know, y/n…I’ve been so proud of you lately”, he said. He grabbed your arm, turning you on your back. “You work harder than anyone else at the office”. 

You thanked him, trying your best not to be distracted by the nausea you were feeling. “Thank you, sir”, you said. “I really…appreciate it”. Naoya stared at your body, examining it. “And I appreciate you”, he smirked. “It’s not an everyday thing to have a woman ask for a promotion”. He rested his hand on your leg, slightly rubbing it. “At first I thought you didn’t deserve it, but you’ve been so good at your job I just had to give it to you”. The man kept talking. It was hard to make out what he was saying. Your head was spinning. “I’m glad you like to keep your boss happy”. His hand moved up your leg, touching your thigh. “Very happy”, he whispered. You were oblivious to him touching you. “Now that you have your promotion…I was thinking of ways you could thank me”. Naoya pulled you close to him. He reached for your belt, beginning to undo your pants.

Your eyes widened, feeling him attempting to take them off. “Wait!”, you leaned up. “W-what are you talking about?”. The man grinned. “I said I’ve been thinking of ways for you to thank me”. You got up from the bed, looking at him with a confused expression. “Thank you…I guess”, you said. You fixed your pants, telling him that you’re feeling better. “I’m feeling better now. I’ll just head back to-”, Naoya cut you off. “Sit down”, he said. You stood by the door. “I’m feeling tired. I should really-”. He cut you off again. “Sit down”. He was starting to get annoyed. “If I have to get up from this bed…I will make you regret it”. You walked over to him. He grabbed your arm, forcing you to sit on his lap. “Good girl”. You could feel his cock poking your ass. “You feel that don’t you?”, he grinned.

Naoya undid your pants again as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. “Don’t you want to keep your promotion?”, he whispered into your ear. “Yes, sir”, you replied. His hand went inside your pants, snaking his way into your panties. “Please don’t do this, sir”, you begged. He shushed you as he rubbed your clit. “Relax”, he said. The man kissed your neck, rubbing you harder. It didn’t feel good. You reached for his hand, attempting to take it out. “Stop…please”. He thrusted his fingers in you, making you gasp. “You’re so tight, y/n”. You clenched around him as you squirmed. “P-please, sir”. He chuckled in your ear, feeling you get wet. He thrusted hard, slipping another finger in. He stretched you open, seeing how much you can take. “I’ll do anything”, you cried. “Just please stop”. 

“Anything?”, he grinned, taking his hand out of your pants. Naoya pushed you, making you fall on the floor. “Take off your clothes”, he demanded. You shook your head. “C-can I do something else?”. He got up from the bed, grabbing you by the hair. “Don’t you know that women should be compliant”. He unbuckled his pants, pulling them down to let his cock spring out. Bringing your head close to it, you tried to pull away. “Open your fucking mouth”, he gritted. He pressed his tip against your lips. You kept your mouth shut, causing him to grip your hair tighter. The pain made you open your mouth as you winced. Naoya took the chance to shove his cock inside. “Dumb bitch”. He thrusted it all the way down your throat, making you gag.

He fucked your throat hard. “Suck harder!”, he shouted. You tightened your lips around him, giving him what he wanted. Naoya groaned, “Just like that”. You cried, making your mascara run. He looked down at you, smiling at how pathetic you look. “Your mouth was made for this”. The man went harder. Your drool leaked out of your mouth, making a sloppy mess on your shirt. He brought your head further down his cock, before releasing his warm liquid down your throat. The cum came rushing down, leaving you with no other choice but to swallow.

Naoya pulled your head off him. “Get on the bed”, he said. You were holding your neck, coughing up any remaining cum. “I said get your ass on the bed!”. He grabbed your neck, forcing you to stand as he pushed you towards the bed. “Now lay down”, he said. Once your body hit the mattress, he reached for your pants, taking them off. “No!”, you screamed. You kept moving around, trying to get away from him. Naoya grew upset, punching you in the stomach. “It’s your job to please me”, he said. He climbed on top of you, unbuttoning your shirt. “Please, Mr. Zenin. Don’t do this”. He ignored you, doing what he wanted. Naoya aimed his cock at your cunt, shoving his full length in. You cried louder, trying to push him away. “Please get out”, you begged. Your boss grabbed your arms, pinning them above your head. 

His cock hit your cervix, fucking your pussy roughly. You yelled for someone to help you. Naoya covered your mouth. “You really think you’re worth saving?”, he said. He grunted against your neck, licking it. “You should really learn your place. I am your boss and you are my bitch”. He laughed, hearing your muffled cries. The man lifted your leg, putting it over his shoulder. This made him go deeper. He removed his hand from your mouth, taking hold of your neck. He squeezed it tightly as he fucked you harder and harder. Your vision became blurry as you kept hearing Naoya laugh. “This is all your fault”, he grunted. “You just had to get a stupid promotion…and now…you owe me”.

[spotsandsocks]

Fuck it Friday 💚🧡🩷❤️💜💙

Hello my friends, thanks for the tags @eddiebabygirldiaz @inell @repressedqueen @tizniz @loveyouanyway @loserdiaz

So today I’m doing something a bit different cos why not.. this week I got a comment on an older fic from ao3 user starspangledwriter (hello) that lead to a lovely conversation about the Buddie of it all and why they mean so much to me. The person I was chatting to suggested it might be nice to share here, so I am.

And also just to say this is what i think we writers love/hope for with comments, it’s not about wanting people to say nice things (which is obviously lovely) but having a chat about my beloveds and the story I created.

And speaking of the story… here it is if you want to check it out.

Fifteen Minutes 1.4k

“You look happy.”

Buck smiles at Eddie because he’s right, he is happy. He hasn’t been for a while but today he is, he might not have everything he wants but right now he’s happy to be in this place with these people.

He takes a deep breath and says that around his smile  “I am.” He scans Bobby and Athena’s living room takes in its occupants all chatting and laughing together. “Everyone I love is here.” He looks at Eddie expecting to see him smiling but he’s sees a frown instead. Eddie doesn’t look at him when he says,

“I didn’t see Taylor arrive. Is she here?”

Oh yeah that. He hasn’t actually told Eddie yet has he.

“Um no” he says casually. He can see Eddie trying to process that, he’s adorable when he’s confused.

“But you just said.”

“I know what I said.” He replies also not looking as he confirms the news that Taylor is not here and that he’s worked out he doesn’t love her. There’s a pause, he can’t resist a quick look at Eddie so he catches it when it finally clicks.  Eddie says  “oh”  and Buck sees a smile flash across his face like quicksilver before he wipes it away. There and gone again, so quick Buck might have imagined it. He’s pretty sure he hadn’t though. There’s another moment of silence before Eddie asks the question good friends are supposed to in these circumstances.

“You ok?”

“Yup like I said everyone I love is here. I’m perfect.”

He should probably distract Eddie or he might get interrogated as to why he’s broken up with his girlfriend and that’s a conversation he’s not keen to have. He doesn’t like lying especially to Eddie and any explanation as to why he did what he did is going to reveal more than he’d like.

He can practically hear Eddie thinking, his mouth opens and he just knows the next sentence is going to start with why so Buck jumps in.

“Did you know the Ancient Greeks thought there were 7 types of love.”

Eddie’s expression changes instantly and settles into something softer as he says “No Buck I didn’t, but I guess I’m about to find out huh?” He thinks Eddie looks quite happy about it. No one else looks at him like that when he’s infodumping. It makes him feel warm all over.

“Well” Buck twists towards Eddie and leans in without thinking.

There’s philia that’s family love so like how I feel  for Maddie and Chim. Bobby and Athena too really and Hen. That’s for the people you love and trust cos you know they’ll always be there for you.

Eddie nods.

“All of  us have kinda got agape; that’s universal love for others, it’s why we do what we do, help people.”

And like Hen and Karen they’ve been together for years so they’ve got pragma that’s long lasting love, it’s just there warm and steady. But they’ve got eros too, that’s you know,  desire and stuff.”

Eddie chuckles “I guess Bobby and Athena have that if the firefighter role play is  anything to go by.”

“Eww I just told you they’re like my parents, why would you do that to me. It was bad enough first time round.” He shakes himself to clear the image and Eddie laughs.

“What else? That’s only five.”

He carries on “Well there’s ludus” he’s hoping to skim over the last two “that’s about sex without commitment, just for fun.” He doesn’t say that’s what he had with Taylor and that was why he’d ended it. He doesn’t say he wants something different from life now and that he’d thought he could find it with her but he'd been wrong.

Eddie purses his lips and nods “ok” that seems to be it, Eddie seems happy to move on from that one too.

“And there’s the love parents feel for their kids that’s called storge.”

“So what I feel for Chris and what Bobby feels for you?”

He can feel his cheeks heating “You and Chris yeah, for sure”  he looks over at Bobby, it’d be nice if Bobby felt like that. His thoughts must be written all over his face or maybe Eddie’s just good at reading him.

“I think he does” Eddie says gently, Buck shrugs the colour high in his cheeks.

“What about you and Chris?” Eddie asks. Buck hesitates, cheeks getting pinker by the second. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to answer that. Which answer Eddie wants. He risks a look at him, he looks the same, smiling fondly. He waits and when Buck doesn’t answer he says “You're allowed to feel it you know, say it, if you want to.”

“Am I?” All his doubts are on show.

And the rest is on ao3 🩷

Tagging for FIF if anyone wants to share anything at all!

@hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @shortsighted-owl @bi-buckrights @fiona-fififi

@rogerzsteven @bekkachaos @thekristen999 @ronordmann @hippolotamus

@stagefoureddiediaz @spaceprincessem @underwaterninja13 @wildlife4life @exhuastedpigeon

@weewootruck @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @elvensorceress @jesuisici33

@daffi-990 @diazsdimples @steadfastsaturnsrings @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @actualalligator

@rainbow-nerdss @shipperqueen6

[jezabelle9299]

Nightmare Cure S.R x Reader

Authors Notes: Exceedingly long rambles of a person with too much time on their hands. 2.5k words, reader does clerical work in the building, fluff, some angst, mentions of nightmares, loss of a parent (father) as a teenager, reader with hair long enough to braid, and Spencer with hair long enough to pull back (Jesus Reid save me), kind of mentions when he was carrying around hair ties all the time. Mutual pining, idiots in love, all that good stuff.

Working in the FBI building was interesting to say the least. You did clerical work, as far from the danger as possible, and that was how you liked it. Working on the same floor as the BAU, sometimes you got to chat when they were in the office. You liked all of them but you definitely had a favorite, Dr. Spencer Reid. You talked to him the most, and perhaps also pined for him in a totally casual, not at all weird way that you would never speak of, especially not to your lovely, and also very nosey coworkers. Something was different with him though. The dark circles around his eyes were larger, he was walking past your desk to get to the coffee maker far more frequently, and he just had this sullen look about him that made your heart break. 

One afternoon, when most of the others in the office had left early before the holiday weekend, you followed him to the kitchen as he passed your desk. 

“Spencer?”

“Hey. What’s up?’ He looked to you while blindly piling sugar into his coffee mug. 

“I was just wondering, are you ok? I mean as much as you can be?”

He was nervous and you worried you said the wrong thing, making things worse. Maybe he didn’t think you guys were that close? Before you could spiral, or make an attempt to retract your questions he sets down the sugar and clears his throat.

 “Oh-uh I’m ok, just trouble sleeping you know? Can’t really relax at night.”You knew he was talking about nightmares. They were common with the field agents, but no one ever talked about them openly. You’d had your share, although yours didn’t come from the job. 

“Oh. I had similar problems once, i-if you want I could kind of show you my routine that helped? I have a guest bedroom if you wanted to try. Only if you’re comfortable, of course.”

“That sounds nice, thank you y/n, really.” He was certain that anything that had helped you wouldn’t help him. If he couldn’t fall asleep in his own bed, a new place wouldn’t help. But he pined for you as you did for him, so he wasn’t going to turn down a chance to spend more time with you, especially at your house. He wanted to know everything about you, and he appreciated that you wanted to help him in the first place. 

Ok! If you want to come to my house at like 6:30, I’ll cook?”

“ I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He had a faint blush and you really hoped it was a good blush, not a scared one. He was so cute. You’d just finished your paperwork, and it was already 5 o’clock so you had to get ready. 

You stopped by the store to get the supplies for dinner, you really hoped he liked it. It was almost 6 by the time you put everything away so you cleaned up as much as possible, putting fresh sheets on the bed in the spare room and getting out everything that brought you comfort during your bout of nightmares. Yours came from the death of your father, that happened soon after the death of many of your grandparents. You couldn’t imagine his nightmares, with the things that he saw everyday, but you hoped these things would help him, at least a little bit. Soft blankets, lavender candies, and a candle you thought he might like, all stacked neatly on a chair in the corner of the room. The candle was supposed to smell like old books, and you’d light it soon, that way it’d already fill the room by the time he arrived. 

6 o’clock came and went so you started cooking, setting the table while everything got started. 6:30 on the dot his car pulled up in the driveway, and out came dr.Reid, with an overnight bag and-oh my god. He brought flowers, more specifically he brought your favorite flowers, even though you had never told him. You checked on dinner as he walked up the drive so that you wouldn’t forget as soon as you saw him. 

You opened the door and he just stared for a second. “Uh-sorry-hi, you look nice”

You were wearing a dress, but this one was much more casual, and with gym shoes instead of the heels you typically wore to the office since you were still buzzing around the kitchen. Because of the messiness of what you were cooking you had an apron tied around your waist. He was still dressed in his 3-piece suit he wore to the office today. 

“Oh, thank you, you do too-but I hope you brought something more comfortable in that bag.” When he looked back down at his back he remembered the flowers he was still holding.

These are for you! -You know as a thank you, for helping me. I asked Garcia for your favorite, I hope you like them.” He awkwardly grabbed them so he could hold them out to you, and you stifled a giggle at his flustered attempt to hand them to you as you accepted them. You started to turn as you opened the door wider, welcoming him in. 

“They’re perfect, thank you, Spencer. And please come in, the guest bedroom is the second on the left if you want to set your stuff down while I put these in some water and finish up dinner?” He gave a quick nod and a tight smile as he started down the hall, while you buzzed through the kitchen, first finishing seasoning the food, and then putting the flowers he got you in water. You still couldn’t believe he got you flowers. 

When he came back through the hall you discard the apron on its usual hook, and set the food on the table. As you eat you make small talk about your days, until he changes the subject. “You mentioned earlier you had the same problem, what was causing your nightmares?” Instantly you became uncomfortable, you were really hoping he wouldn’t ask, although you should’ve known better.

“Ah, Dr.Reid the profiler, I should have guessed you’d ask.” You made an attempt to laugh it off, but he only focused on you more. You cleared your throat, ready to get this over with. 

“When I was 17, a few days before my 18th birthday my father died. Heart attack, totally unexpected. It took a while for the nightmares to start, but once they did it took a long time to get rid of them. That’s why I developed this whole elaborate routine, anyway. They were mostly you know existential everyone I’ve ever loved will be ripped away from me without a chance to say goodbye kind of stuff. Super fun I know.” You made another attempt at laughing off the discussion and this time he got the message. He gave you a reassuring smile, and changed the subject. 

“What comes next in the amazing Y/N goodnight routine?” He got up from the table and ever the gentleman, he offered a hand to you to help you up from your seat. You got your excitement back instantly, beaming up at him, ready to get to the next thing, your favorite part.

“Oh get ready, it’s movie time!” He looked relieved at your smile coming back as you did a little wiggle, as though you just couldn’t contain your happiness anymore.

“Yeah? What are we watching?” He barely got out through his little laughs. It wasn’t a full laugh, but more of a shaky exhale he smiled all the way through. 

“Well when I started I watched Say Anything on a near repeat- but this is your night so I picked something I hope you’ll like. To get the full effect though these outfits aren’t going to work at all. Go get into your pajamas, and I’ll grab the movie.” You quickly cleared the dishes into the sink first, and then bounced down the hallway to your room with Spencer laughing as he trailed behind you. It felt so domestic, and if this was what it was like to be in a relationship with him, any girl he dated would be the luckiest girl in the world. 

You threw on a t-shirt and some striped pajama shorts, then went to your bookshelf and grabbed the dvd you thought he’d most like. When you were walking back to the living room, you set the dvd down on a small table lining the hall. You attempted to stop in the bathroom to grab a hair tie, but when you walked in Spencer was already standing at the sink. 

“Oh-Sorry!” You started stammering, even though he wasn’t doing anything. Just standing at the mirror, with his glasses on the sink trying to get out his contacts. 

“Oh it’s ok, I just wanted to get my contacts out before we started. I know it freaks some people out. It’s Ommetaphobia, fear of things touching the eyes. It’s pretty common and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No-I don’t mind, I just needed to grab a hair tie, I didn’t mean to get in your space.” You reached past him to grab two from the counter next to his glasses and then quickly put them on your wrist and separated your hair. He watched you in the mirror as you started to braid, until you finished the first one. You let yourself take in what he was wearing, a blue star trek t-shirt, and some black doctor who pajama pants. They were so wonderfully him. As you tied it off the braid, his eyes snapped back to his own in the mirror and he quickly swapped his contacts for glasses, looking away from the mirror as he removed them, as he wasn’t completely sure that it wouldn’t bother you. As you tied off the second braid your eyes followed him in the mirror. He had his glasses on, a look you loved but hardly ever saw. 

He looked back at you and smiled, before turning back and grabbing a hair tie from his own wrist and in possibly the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, pulled his own hair back, into a small ponytail as he walked back into the hall.

When you made your way back to the living room Spencer was already there, looking at all of your books like they were the most interesting thing in the world. When he looked back at you, you made a big show of holding up the dvd. It was called Forbidden Planet, it was sci-fi and even if it was extremely old and the effects were outdated you hoped he liked it. His face lit up as soon as he saw it, and you knew you made the right choice. 

“That was my favorite movie when I was a kid-I’d watch it all the time, How did you-? It’s almost impossible to find.” Tears were welling up in his eyes and your heart broke. He was going home with that dvd. You wanted to tell him how you thought of him, and hold him, but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Not tonight, this was about him. You settled for a “I hoped you’d like it” and a gesture for him to sit while you set it up. 

While you watched the movie he told you everything, and if he was anyone else you’d think he couldn’t possibly be paying attention at the same time. He told you about how it was made, how it affected the sci-fi genre, and every other fun fact he could think of. You were happy to listen. When the credits rolled the clock on your phone read 10pm-a little early, but you knew he needed the sleep.

“Party’s over doctor, it’s time to get ready for bed.” He gave an overdramatic pout, but got up. You stood together while brushing your teeth, only having one bathroom forcing domestic bliss. You continued talking to him while you turned off lights and made sure the door was locked.

 “I swear if you need anything let me know, my door is literally always open, I can’t sleep with it closed.” You turned away from the hall, away from the bedroom he was standing in as he put his work phone on the charger from his bag. You put on a record of classical piano quietly to help you both sleep as you remembered the pile of stuff for him on the chair. “I almost forgot- on that chair in the corner, there’s some stuff for you if you want it- if you’re still having trouble I mean, the lavender is supposed to help you sleep. I read this thing that said it produces these chemical compounds that act essentially as sedatives, figured it was worth a try. 

He knew. He already read articles on different theories for helping insomniacs sleep. But something about how you said it, how you set things out you thought he’d like, how you took care of him. It was too much for him. He was glad you weren’t in there, that you couldn’t see him. He didn’t want you to see him cry, and if you looked at him with that sweet smile, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from asking for what he really wanted. He wanted to tell you how he felt, to tell you what this meant to him, to hold you while you slept.

But you were too good. Too sweet. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, he knew even if he overstepped you were too nice to tell him, especially at this hour. You had a tendency to do that- putting others before yourself to ungodly degrees, and he wanted you to feel more comfortable than that. In the morning he would tell you. When you could ask him to leave without sending him away in the dark, because he was sure that you wouldn’t like someone like him. You were perfect. 

But tonight was enough. He got to see what it was like, if he had been someone you loved. You both said a quick goodnight, with a promise to see each other in the morning. For the first night in months he slept peacefully. Maybe all the ritual and routine helped, but it was mostly just you. You cared, and he got to have you as the last face he saw at night. He got to fall asleep in a bed that smelled like you, with your books on the walls and your music playing, and it was perfect. He loved you, and he just had to get up the courage to say it. 

That was the first of many nights Spencer stayed with you, and the last one he slept in the guest bedroom. He still had nightmares- sometimes, but you were always there to comfort him with a reassuring touch. Most nights he had dreams, and he dreamt about you the most. 

[saintbleeding]

i have donned my tinfoil hat i am ready to say normal things.

ok so. i am admittedly basing a lot of this on this line from colin from 19:

COLIN: (voice shaking, on the verge of manic laughter) No, what I need is to not be seen. He sees too much already. Doing mummy and daddy Stasi proud, I’m sure. Not that anyone cares, as long as it all balances, right? (inhales quickly) Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad –

(emphasis mine)

so the three primes in alchemy (on which topic i am not remotely an expert, soooo) are sulfur (which corresponds to the soul and the idea of combustibility), mercury (which corresponds to the spirit and the ideas of fusibility/volatility), and salt (which corresponds to the body and non-combustibility/non-volatility). their symbols, respectively, are 🜍, ☿, and 🜔.

and.

[id: a cropped section of the OIAR crest, showing these three symbols centrally in the design, which is itself an inverted version of the alchemical symbol for the philosopher's stone. end id.]

so i started thinking, what if """""the fears"""""" in this universe have to do with balance and imbalance of the primes (or, potentially, a lot of alchemical elements):

LENA: (speech-like:) The world is full of opposing forces. Some benevolent, most not. In order for the wheels to keep on turning, all these forces need to be monitored and balanced. That is where we come in.

in this conception, bonzo's man feast might be a sulfur one (based on equating combustibility with literal consumption), but dr webber might be mercury (fusibility = irrevocable bodily transformation). possibly the oiar is trying to bring about a salt-state: non-volatility?

i know this sounds very broad compared to the granularity of the existing categorisation system, but my thought on that is that given this universe seems to Just Have Tulpas Running Around (nobody knows who named bonzo???), there's a lot of stock put into studying something into submission (and thematically, "maybe if we understand this thing we can stop it" would be... linked. to tma.)

the sudden introduction of, say, 14 or maybe 15 new elements that are entirely novel in this universe could definitely Cause Some Problems.

idk is this anything.

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (4)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I am actually a little bit nervous about this part, so I hope you enjoy it.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 1 — MEET YN PART 2 — LAS VEGAS PART 3 — DENVER

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 4) — THE VIDEO

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liked by bestfriend, anthonypham, mollyjane_x and 59,302 others 

yourinstagram im sorry its taken me so long to show up. i thought time would give me the ability to find some words to say, but as it turns out im much better at telling things through a camera than through a pen (or a keyboard, in this case). when i posted my first video on youtube, all i wanted was to find myself again after finally getting free from a relationship that drained the fun out of me. making movies is something that ive always been passionate about, so i thought — why not? three months later, when i posted my first video at a concert, all i wanted was to tell the story of a woman who, after raising two kids and giving everything she had to make everyone around her happy and safe, finally had the opportunity to make one of her most “innocent” dreams (seeing shania twain) come true. fast forward to this week, as i post my latest video all i want is to tell the story of a man who has the entire world in the palm of his hand and yet lives his life as if he’s merely another ordinary soul on earth. what happens now, and what you do with this story (or with any other ive already told), its not up to me anymore. 

that all being said, thank you harry for trusting me with this story. it wasn’t mine to tell, but you allowed me to do it anyway and i’ll always be grateful for that. so, again, thank you. 

ok i will stop typing now. 

actually, im just gonna add that i hope you all enjoy this video as much as i do (but if you don’t, thats fair, and i’ll accept it just as much) 

ok, now im done :) 

view all 11,073 comments

lookitsnyoh 👑👑👑👑👑 harryfan9 this was so much more than we’ve asked for 🙏🙏🙏 user1 its been almost 24 hours since you posted this video and im still 😲!! YOU’RE INCREDIBLE  user5 absolutely amazing! unexpected, captivating, touching… 10/10! yourbrother Kinda sucks that I don’t even feel like teasing you this time. I’m just proud.

↳ sisterinlaw Printed and framed already. ↳ yourinstagram … i dont even know what to say right now ↳ yourinstagram ＠sisterinlaw i’ll need a copy of that pls 

harryfan your mind is so brilliant im so in love with this and i know i speak for the entire fandom when i say: THANK YOU 😭

↳ harryfan5 no really bc we’re so used to getting practically nothing that she coulve just done anything and we would’ve still died… and yet she gave us THIS?  ↳ harryfan7 yn deserves the best in life period ↳ harryfan54 c’mon… it’s not THAT good

harrystyles 😲 so this was my story you were telling? 

↳ yourinstagram i kept my side of the promise, didnt i? you were supposed to keep yours ↳ harrystyles fair enough. you’re welcome x  ↳ yourinstagram 😌😌😌😌😌 ↳ yourinstagram thank you ↳ harrystyles you’re welcome x ↳ harryfan25 OMFGDSGFUAGFBH ↳ harryfan11 ＠yourinstagram ＠harrystyles sorry guys do you want us to leave you two alone?  ↳ harryfan51 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭  ↳ harryfan17 wdym you kept your side of the promise??? what did you promise????? what is it?????

harryfan10 pls we need more harry content already  user7 Don’t go missing again, we miss you here! 

Sep 9, 2021 •

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liked by yourinstagram, bestfriend, jefezoff and 5,187,031 others

harrystyles I’m honored to say ＠yourinstagram has turned the beginning of this new chapter into a lovely short-movie, one you can watch right now on her youtube channel. 

Thank you Yn for being so caring and respectful about everything and everyone involved in this project. To watch this idea turn into reality has been nothing but inspiring. 

Welcome to the team, it’s too late to back out now. x

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bestfriend this moment is all mine. 20+ years of friendship are FINALLY paying off. 

↳ user3 you’re so unserious i love it fgajdujn ↳ yourinstagram im doing it just for you <3

harryfan5 noooooo I can’t do this my heart can’t take it pls stop 😭😭 harryfan23 I CANT BELIEVE YNS FIRSTS WORDS TO HIM WERE SHUT THE FUCK UP HAHAHAHAHA  annetwist What a wonderful job you’ve done dear ＠yourinstagram 🥰

↳ yourinstagram ❤️ ↳ harryfan54 🙄

harryfan66 who are you and what have you done to the real harry? 🧐

↳ harryfan14 for real tho lmao  ↳ harryfan74 yup. ive been saying it: another strategy just to get a random famous on harrys back. as usual.

harryfan9 NOT HARRY EXPOSING THE FIRST TIME THEY TALKED????

↳ harryfan3 and the fact that HE texted her first???  ↳ harryfan9 pls!!! molly gave me your nUmBeR 🤪🤪

harryfan15 oh you’re so sick for this AHDUAJHDJ  yourinstagram THOSE messages? REALLY???

↳ harrystyles I’ve been explicitly forbidden to post a picture with you so I had to improvise.  ↳ yourinstagram ok but did you also have to conveniently leave my next message out of it? ↳ harrystyles Yes x. 

Sep 9, 2021 •

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PART 5: soon

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[musewrangler]

Ok heads up you all. One of the COOLEST things ever happened recently and I finally have time to tell you about it!

A new reader was commenting on my work and noted that they too had a character named Rilla who was Piett's sister. My curiousity was piqued at this point because I thought---'what are the odds?'

The VERY NEXT COMMENT noted that I had credited the author for the creation of Rilla in their story and then lo---this is the best---THEY WERE THAT AUTHOR.

Guys. This was one of the most formative fan works I read as I was just getting into looking for excellent Piett works. It was not on AO3 or ff.net. I had to find it somewhere on the internet, I don't recall where. It was written back in 1996/7, something like that. I would credit it often in my early work because so many little details they created were canon for me. Rilla Piett [living in their work]. The tiny tree collection. Piett being able to climb trees well. [in their work he came from a very wet, forested planet and thus his skills.] They were writing long before Piett even got a first NAME you all.

So we have been going back and forth chatting and sharing our lore and ideas and it has been so FABULOUS. Here's where it gets even better though----

This author decided that they should brush off that story and PUBLISH IT ON AO3. I am so very thrilled therefore to point you to 'The Adventures of Darth Vader' by OsheenNevoy. This author had a friend who wrote a story at the same time called 'Admiral Piett and the Great Ewok Adventure' and both these works had a massive impact on both my love for the Admiral, but also helped to shape his character in my mind. [credit for that also goes to Malicean and Frodogenic] I URGE you to go read!!

Here's the link for the Ewok Adventure story as well. :D Enjoy!

[quitealotofsodapop]

it has been awhile, but I've finally gotten around to doing another one of these! hope it will help with my writing funk.

[and is super guilty for not having told him back then. At the same time, Wukong is confused why Max seems so... ok with it suddenly???] + [He ultimately doesnt want to open up any old wounds Wukong has from the incident since he's been living with the outcome of that fight far longer than Mac has.] + [Why was Wukong protecting the monk that hurt him? Why was Wukong going on this Journey and not returning to his throne? Why did he hide the Stone Egg from the world?]

honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it. I feel like Wukong would actually be very ok with talking/answering any questions about what happened, it'd be a hard conversation for sure, but he's grown to have enough emotional maturity to know it's a necessary one. the only reason he let Mac get away with pushing it off for so long to the point of it blowing up in there faces a little was because he was trying to let the other have time to process and work out how he felt before trying to hash things out together.

but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument. neither of them are very good at listening to each other when they get riled up, and after how their fight went... he knows he did his best trying to talk Macaque down, but he always kinda feels like he should've tried harder. he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.

[Ao Lie and Wukong are quickly panicking over each other while their other bros are forcing them to rest after the Samadhi Fire Ritual.]

the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".

[Wukong was in so much pain that he was convinced that he was going into labor, or that he even lost Yuebei as a result of joining in the Ritual.]

now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing from how much it hurts and inconsolable because once the thought of having lost the egg even crossed his mind he became convinced that's what happened. he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.

[Nezha makes note of hiding anything flammable whenever he visits the monkeys.]

it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?

[Pigsy: "Sure thing. Guess little monkeys aren't much different from little MKs." *gives Yuebei her nose back*]

heh- funny thing about that pigsy-

[Memory!Ao Lie, frowning: "Why are you so stubborn to admit that it wasn't your fault? I really truly never blamed you, or her." Wukong, crying: "Why were you so ok with it? Because of me, the Samadhi Fire it... hurt you."]

Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike, and messing up the ritual and letting the fire hurt Ao Lie? a monumental fuck-up to almost anyone you ask. Wukong, rather unfortunately, has very good reason for believing Ao Lie would hate or resent him for it, anyone else would. he's grown used to it, apathetic, maybe even has grown to expect it.

as it is, this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.

[Ofc Nezha feels like garbage for treating Wukong's actions during the Ritual as a failing.]

worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong. when it gets brought up he talks about matter-of-factly, nonchantly, like it was no big deal that he was in pain, at risk of sacrificing his unborn egg and basically everyone aside from the pilgrims was treating him like he was the ultimate disappointment.

this is in part due to Wukong's own guilt over the ritual, insecurities about being enough/strong enough, and because he, again, doesn't blame Ne Zha because he didn't know about the egg because Wukong never told him and therefore, it's actually on his shoulders .

(Wukong needs a therapist)

[The Spider Gang has nightmares of Guanyin coming to beat the rest of them up like she's a Jojo stand.]

they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.

[To hear that Wukong has named her his little "Moon Comet Star" just makes him cry harder, especially with how casually Wukong names her.] + [But I bet Wukong is just so happy that he tells everyone Yuebei's name long before that time.]

I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born, nothing just ever seemed right! he honestly tried not to think about why the only ones that ever seemed to be good candidates were space/moon related names. but then Macaque came back. he stopped denying it at that point, and just went all for it. no matter how things with Mac end up going, Wukong probably already had the name chosen by the time he came back from looking for the map. And yeah, Macaque loves the idea that this was always Wukong's plan, and Wukong being just as happy about the name is also just so cute to him!

[It's PIF anf DBK's fave baby photo of Yuebei - besides the one where she tried eating Red Son's hair.]

oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?

[and when he gets to Camel Ridge, he pauses before looking towards Wukong for confirmation. At Wukong's excited nod, Macaque grins evily.] + [Macaque also deliberately exaggerates the voices of their allies like PIF and DBK so Yuebei doesn't accidentally associate their voices with the muddy past shown in the book.]

let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized.

love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.

[Azure is clueless and isn't sure if monkey cubs work like lion cubs or not. Yellow Tusk has the sense to ask the remaining servants for help with tending to the infant - a group of seven brave orchard maidens stepped forward to run the baby a bath and prepare her a meal. Yellow Tusk is sure that he recognises them.]

so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible. and ah! the peach orchard maidens Wukong was friends with! imagine if this was their first proper intro to Yuebei. they've never met but they know this is their old friends child so the seven will do anything for her, take on as many responsibilities as it takes to keep Yuebei out of Azure's claws as long as they can.

they don't like any of the brotherhood, but tusk at least seems remorseful enough to consider him safe enough to help bathe the little infant- with supervision of course. Yuebei latching to his trunk was probably as funny to them (at Yellow tusk's expense) as it was heartbreaking because they could probably recognize the behavior for what it was due to their time spent with the Monkey King.

at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.

[So when the elephant gently put Yuebei in the warm bathwater and offered her mashed fruit, she instinctively clasped around his trunk like it was the arm of her parents, making sad hooing sounds as she sucked on her fingers. Yellow Tusk felt his heart break at the sight. He simply cannot fathom harming her in any sense of the word.]

oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama. imagine if after her rescue Wukong/macaque notice she's developed a small oral fixation from the trauma of her kidnapping.

I wonder if Yellow Tusk ever looks down at this tiny monkey and has an epiphany about how he treated Monkey King and Macaque, or the treatment of them he was at least complacent in. those two were never truly infants sure, but they were young minds, perhaps the thought had never crossed his mind because they're looks were deceiving when it came to age. how young had they truly been? what age were the children the brotherhood sent to war and martyred?

perhaps it doesn't matter anymore, the chance at redemption long forgotten, but at least he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...

[Mac would make a show of picking up his baby girl and kissing her all over while commenting in baby-talk; "Did you have fun with the birdy and kitty, moonlight? Yeah? Do you want Bama to take something to remember your little play date?"]

the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse. Imagine getting turned into ground beef by an infant and her dad comes in and makes it all the more real that you were beaten by a less-than-a-year-old baby by outright baby talking her in front of you. like you always were and always would be nothing but literal child's play to deal with that you weren't even deserving of having your defeat be treated seriously, no. your opponent gets baby talk congratulations.

Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.

[Macaque has one of the feathers preserved as a bookmark. It brings him great joy.]

he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.

prev.

yesyesyes some SlowBoiled thoughts! Also btw I've shortened what parts I'm replying to for brevity.

[honestly? Wukong is probably more concerned by how okay with having been killed Mac is than he would be if he was still upset and causing problems because of it...] + [but perhaps, Wukong is also deflecting a little, worried that trying to talk about it would spur into an argument... ...he just doesn't want things to get out of control again.]

YES

A big reason for their fight just as S4 starts is the fact they're avoiding some pretty big glaring questions/concerns to "avoid conflict", only to hurt themselves and each other more by deflecting. Sometime avoiding confrontation is more harmful than tackling your demons head-on and de-escalating any anger that it brings up as it comes. Wukong would be ok answering any questions Mac needed to be answered, but the real hard part is getting both monkeys in a space where they can vent it out a bit without one or both trying to portal away from an escalating conversation.

A good marriage counsellor needs to take on Wukong and Macaque's case and let the monkeys honestly Talk for a while without interruption.

Yue Lao, god of marriage & true love: "Diiiid someone call for marriage help?" :3

[the Tripataka forces them both onto bedrest, but it's a combined effort of the uninjured pilgrims to keep them there considering how restless Wukong can be. between Wukong and Ao Lie? it's an endless cycle of "no, I'll get up and ask for water, you stay in bed" and "no, I'll grab the extra blankets, you need to rest".] +[now I'm just picturing the others waking up to Wukong (who normally has a very high pain tolerance) loudly sobbing... ...he must have cried so hard, they'd have to call Guanyin to do a check-up while he's still sobbing to show him the egg is fine for him to even begin to calm down.]

Aww. It's very sweet but also kinda sad to think about. Eventually Ao Lie and Wukong are both too exhausted from their escape attempts, so the rest of the Pilgrims tap in to tend to them.

And the miscarriage scare!! PIF had opened up to Wukong in the last few weeks about how she and Bull had suffered tragic losses before Red came into the world - and when Wukong feels that terrible pain in his body, he immediately breaks down at the thought of suffering the same loss. Guanyin has to check in since Wukong won't stop hyperventilating and crying at the idea that he lost Yuebei. The goddess thankfully is able to confirm that the soul within the egg was alive and well, just very startled by the surge of power. Wukong still cries, now from relief.

Sadly, if the Samadhi ritual occurred after Macaque's death, Wukong likely saw the Egg as the final reminder of his former-mate. Yuebei is his little moonlight, even if her creation was not ideal.

[it does seem Yuebei has a taste for the spicy-er things, huh. wonder if she'd like any of Redson's cooking?]

Now I'm thinking of a scene where post-S3/4, Red Son is messing around in the kitchen with MK and Mei while they're babysitting Yuebei. Cue the baby grabbing a handful of spicy bbq sauce Red Son has been preparing and shove it in her mouth like it's nothing. All three are speechless with terror as Yuebei doesn't appear to be bothered in the slightest. Then she tries going for more!

Red Son quickly moves his sauce pot away and wonders aloud if he's skipped an ingredient. MK takes a spoonful, and with his face sweating profusely wheezes "Nope. That's Australian-level."

Yuebei whines for some more, and all three now understand why she keeps trying to eat firey things. DBK laughes proudly when he's told about it later on - nothing less from his dear godcalf!

[heh- funny thing about that pigsy-]

Lets just say a lot about MK's upbringing makes more sense after Pigsy realises that his son is a monkey demon XD

[Wukong has had a real rough go with people ditching him after one mistake, real or even just perceived mistakes alike... ...this means Wukong has a very hard time understanding/grasping it when someone doesn't hate him over things like this.]

THIS is why Ao Lie and the Samadhi Fire arc are so important to Wukong's character. He has such trouble understanding that sometimes people who care won't hold your mistakes real or perceived against you. Ao Lie likely told Wukong to his face multiple times that he didn't care that Wukong "screwed up", he was just glad that Wukong, the Egg, and Tripitaka were alive and well after all things considered.

[worst part is, Wukong doesn't treat him like he was wrong... ....(Wukong needs a therapist)]

The fact that Wukong doesn't mind that Nezha treated his failure that way all those years ago, makes Nezha even more concerned in the modern day!

yes yes he does.

[they're so terrified that they basically start praying to Guanyin- more so begging to be left alone, but still.]

Guanyin can only grant the Spider Gang a swift end and perhaps a revival after S3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[I think Wukong probably had a lot of trouble coming up with names before Yuebei was born,...]

Wukong is bad at naming things I feel. He did call himself "Grimpil Sun" when he pretended to be a different monkey in the Gold-Silver Twins chapter. Even after over a thousand years of prep, he's still undecided what he'd should call his Egg once they arrive.

He's called Yuebei his "little moonlight", his "star", and his "comet" since long before he finally decided on her name. And when Macaque came back into his life and confirmed that he wanted both of them to be safe? His little "Moon Comet Star" just made sense - she indirectly brought his Moonlight back to him.

[oooooo what do you think would be everyone else's fav baby photos of Yuebei?]

hehehe!

For Wukong it's any photo of Yuebei. Look at his daughter! She's here! She's so perfect! Has one of those giant wallets full of photos of her.

Macaque's favorite is one Mei snapped of Yuebei just after the baby had destroyed Peng and Azure - the cub's eyes gleaming with delight at seeing her Bama again, her mouth full of golden feathers. He also treasures a photo he took of Wukong just after Yuebei's egg was born - his Peaches smiling contentedly as he curls around the egg.

MK's is when Yuebei saw him put away the Staff, and she tried looking inside his ear for it.

Mei is taking so many photos all the time, so it's hard for her to have faves. One of her faves though is a pair of photos where Yuebei is completely calm and about to fall asleep, and then her eyes are glowing with eye-lasers cus a bang in the kitchen scared her. Mei uses it as a reaction meme.

For Pigsy its a photo of Yuebei attempting to eat her first mooncake - the pastry was bigger than her whole head. Chang'e took the photo and just knew Pigsy would love it.

Tang's is the one of MK holding Yuebei for the first time, tears and snot running down the older monkey-boy's face while Yuebei looks up at him curiously. Tang thinks it's hilarious.

Sandy's fave is Yuebei taking a curious sip of tea from her mama's cup, and frowning hard when she realised it wasn't as nice as milk. Also one where Yuebei and Mo got distracted by the same cat toy - seems that the baby girl likes attacking things with feathers.

PIF and DBK's faves are well known ofc. Red Son would claim that he doesn't have any, but secretly its one where the baby monkey is playing peekaboo with DBK. It just really heart-warming to see his father interact with Yuebei after missing out on a lot of Red's childhood. Red looks at the photo and wonders if his father ever tried such games on him. (He did. Baby Red Son exploded)

Jiuweihuli and the twins love any photo Wukong shares with them. The old Vixen's favourite is where Macaque managed to get Yuebei into an elaborate baby costume (lots of bribery with mashed peaches was involved) and the baby is just happily sticking her tongue out at the camera.

It takes Bai He a while to warm up to Yuebei all the way, but she likes the photo of Yuebei when she first met Mo. The cat was very cautious and the baby monkey was just fascinated.

The gods themselves get rare glimpses of Sun Wukong's baby. Nezha's fave is a short video of Yuebei's first ever swimming lesson - decked out in all the little floaties as she doggie-paddled in the kiddie pool, Wukong smiling and holding his arms out for her while Macaque filmed. Nezha loves it not only for it's content, but for how happy Wukong finally is after so long. He blesses Yuebei many times over for good fortune and safety.

[let's be real, Peng's voice is the most bastardized. love the fact that Macaque doesn't even really have to ask, Wukong already knows what he's planning and is living for it. Wukong enjoys the retelling almost as much as Yuebei does, if only for Macaque's dramatics. and doing his best to change her perception of their current allies? a very appreciated effort.]

Macaque turns Peng's voice into a harsh nasally sound with random squawks thrown in like a cartoon parrot.

Wukong and Macaque have a near psychic connection as a couple once they start cohabitating again (and deal with emotional stuff). Wukong cannot deny his Plums the chance to make fun of their former brothers. Wukong even gets in on it, mimicking his own younger self and a some of the Pilgrims in a silly voice. Yuebei loves story time.

[so long pining for a monkey and he has no clue how they work or how to care for one. at least Yellowtusk is at least a little bit sensible... ...at least Yuebei's comes out of it thinking/feeling very positively about peach maidens.]

Azure is an orange male cat at his core - he's standing there, holding Yuebei by her diaper and wondering "What now?" while Peng covers their beak. Yellowtusk atleast has the wisdom to ask around the palace for help when Yuebei starts getting fussy. And since Peng confirms that the Memory Scroll "took the cupbearers as well" in the special, the Orchard Maidens are running themselves ragged to ensure that the invaders are content, and by proxy Yuebei safe. Not many are aware of their familial connection to the Emperor on first glance, so they quickly disguise themselves as "just" servants that escaped the Scroll.

So when Yellowtusk approaches almost shyly for help to feed and clean the baby hostage, the girls knew they made the right choice to stay. The seven maidens had taken one look at the baby monkey, saw the power she wielded, and just knew she was their dear didi's baby. '

The Maidens provide a character statement for Yellowtusk once everything is said and done. Afterall, the elephant allowed his trunk to be nearly crushed if it meant the baby girl had comfort.

Oh oh! Imagine in the aftermath of S4, Wukong manages to ask Yellowtusk who cared for Yuebei while she was hostage?

Yellowtusk, in cuffs about to be taken away: "I tried my best, but without the aid of the seven Orchard Maidens I likely wouldn't have fared much better than my brothers." Wukong: "Orchard Maidens?" Seven distinct voices: "Didi!" Wukong turns to see the seven snake-cat-like celestials running towards him, their appearances unkempt from worry. They carefully check him and Yuebei over. Orchard Maidens: "Oh thank buddha you're ok!" "We were so worried!" "After what happened to baba we..." "We couldn't bare to leave her alone with them!" Wukong, touched: "You all stayed behind, knowing that you shared the halls with the lion that took your father away, just to make sure my baby was ok?" Orchard Maidens: "Of course!" "You're a fellow attendant!" "Aiyi would have broken her vow of pacifism if either of you were truly hurt!" "We knew she was yours just from the way she... shot lasers out her eyes." Wukong, tearing up: "Oh girls..." Wukong & the Maidens: (*all group hug, careful to give Yuebei some space*)

Yuebei considers the Maidens akin to aunties since they care for her so well and clearly have a good relationship with her mama. This indirectly leads to the mourning Xiwangmu to see the baby girl as a surrogate granddaughter once they are properlly introduced. Yuebei recognises something in the Queen Mother's heart is hurt and wants to hug and kiss it better. Xiwangmu in turn can only reminice on the times she and her dear Jade held their own cubs in their arms, the dawn of their empire.

[oh no, Yuebei's sucking her finger, means she's missing her mama... ... he knows i his heart of hearts he will not make the mistake again. even if it means betraying those he's held dear for so long...]

Yesss. Baby monkey who are separate from their mothers develop oral fixations/self-soothing behaviors, which is still seen if they successfully gain a foster mom/is returned. It's a learned habit. Now I'm imagining Yuebei becoming super attached to her pacifer long after she's weaned, just because its such a source of comfort for her. Wukong and Macaque had to ask around a bit to try and figure out how to wean Yuebei off the pacifer once her milk teeth started growing in.

Yellowtusk's redemption is very internal, but it reflects heavily in his actions. After the days of caring for Yuebei, and coming to realise how they as a Brotherhood treated their monkey brethern, Yellowtusk starts on the path of reversing the damage caused by the coup. Even if the Heavens never forgive him, he is ultimately glad that his brothers and their families are safe - a far greater reward than what Azure's plans brought him.

Note; in situations where the Brotherhood survive/are captured after S4 - I feel like the Buddha pulls a Jttw on them and suddenly theres three circlets on their heads for the next few millennium. >:)

[the fact that Macaque baby-talks to the obvious victor only makes Peng's humiliation worse... Macaque will forever tell the story of Peng's defeat when having proud dad bragging moments.] +[he takes a couple feathers for himself, makes a few different things out of them, like a quill. but he also made one or two for other people like Wukong and of course Yuebei's toy. they all bring him (and the receivers of the gifts) great joy.]

HAHA! XD

Peng ain't ever going to live down being turned into chicken paste by a baby monkey. A bunch of celestial soldiers and servants saw how the Six Eared Macaque waltzed in, picked up the baby monkey, and cooed at her while Peng lay broken upon the floor. Yuebei isn't some disguised immortal or god, she's a baby. One that quickly falls asleep in her parents arms once they're all reunited.

Macaque is so keeping a few of Peng's feathers as trophies. The quill idea is amazing - he'd sign everything with it. Wukong gets a cute broach made with one of the golden feathers intertwined, and thinks its beautiful (if a little arrogant but hey he loves trophies). Yuebei has a toy thats 80% feathers she's ripped from Peng, and 20% string and cloth that looks like a kitten toy - it's her fave thing besides her plush skeleton toy. Macaque sends Xiwangmu a few feather quills along with a letter of condolence - it brings her some comfort (as does the lion hide she drapes on her shoulder).

tysm for asking in! Its ok to take breaks from writing if we need it. I'm just glad that we can shoot ideas back and forth.