#Notes of an Execution

[peachdoxie]

I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck

Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like

[missbookiverse]

Über Serienkiller schreiben, ohne über Serienkiller zu schreiben

Notes on an Execution von Danya Kukafka, erstmals 2022 bei William Morrow erschienen. Auf Deutsch unter dem Titel Notizen zu einer Hinrichtung bei Blumenbar erhältlich.

Auf den ersten Blick erzählt Notes on an Execution die Geschichte eines Mörders namens Ansel, der im Todestrakt sitzt und kurz vor seiner Hinrichtung steht, doch schon im zweiten Kapitel wechselt die Perspektive zu einer Siebzehnjährigen, die in einer Scheune ein Kind gebärt und es Ansel nennt. Durch sie und zwei weitere Frauenperspektive erhalten wir Bruchstücke aus Ansels Vergangenheit, lernen aber vor allem mehr über drei Frauen, deren Leben Ansel auf verschiedene Arten beeinflusst hat. Es geht um seine Mutter Lavender, die die Traumata ihrer Jugend ihr Leben lang mit sich rumträgt, um die Komissarin Saffy, die Ansel auf der Spur ist, sich aber auch mit Diskriminierung am Arbeitsplatz auseinandersetzen muss, und um Hazel, die Schwester seiner Freundin Jenny, die ihre Schwester über alles liebt, aber eine gewisse Eifersucht nie ganz abschütteln kann.

Drei Frauen trotzen ihren Dämonen

Danya Kukafkas Roman hat mich spätestens im zweiten Kapitel komplett in seinen Bann gezogen. In Lesepausen sind meine Gedanken immer wieder zum Roman und seinem hypnotisierenden Schreibstil zurückgekehrt. Obwohl ja vom ersten Kapitel an klar ist, dass Ansel festgenommen und verurteilt wurde, bleibt es spannend, denn wir wissen noch nicht, wie und wann er gefasst wurde, wir wissen nicht, ob Jenny noch am Leben ist, wissen nicht wer diese Blue ist, die er immer wieder erwähnt und befürchten sogar ein wenig, dass er seiner Strafe in letzter Sekunde doch noch entkommen könnte. Erst nach und nach erfahren wir durch die wechselnden Perspektiven und die sich annähernden Zeitebenen mehr, manchmal nur durch unauffällig eingeschobene Sätze, die mir Gänsehaut bereitet haben, weil sie das große Ganze plötzlich schockierend komplettieren.

Doch wie gesagt, in diesem Roman geht es nicht in erster Linie um Ansel, sondern um drei Frauen, deren Leben er gestreift hat. In Lavenders Kapiteln erfahren wir einerseits mehr über Ansels frühe Kindheitsjahre, andererseits ist es die Geschichte einer jungen Frau, die versucht, häuslicher Gewalt zu entfliehen und nach dem Verlust ihrer Kinder irgendwie ihren Frieden zu finden. In Saffys Perspektive lesen wir zwar auch mehr über Ansels Taten und die Polizeiarbeit, die zu seiner Festnahme geführt hat, wir lernen aber in erster Linie etwas über das System der Pflegeunterbringung für Kinder, über Drogenmissbrauch und darüber, wie schwer es für eine Frau of mixed race ist, sich gegen weiße Kollegen im Polizeibüro durchzusetzen. Hazel, die Schwester von Ansels temporärer fester Freundin Jenny, erlaubt uns schließlich Einblick in die komplizierte Dynamik zwischen Zwillingsschwestern, in die bedingungslose Liebe und Nähe genauso wie in die seltsame Eifersucht und den Drang, sich gegenseitig etwas zu beweisen. Da wirkt es beinahe nebensächlich, als Jenny eines Tages ihren Collegefreund Ansel mit nach Hause bringt und der Familie vorstellt.

Faszination Serienmörder

Wie bereits angedeutet, tut Notes on an Execution sich damit hervor, dass es sich der Faszination Serienmörder bedient, ohne dem Täter selbst übermäßig viel Platz einzuräumen. So morbide sie auch sein mag, die Vorliebe für solche Menschen ist unbestreitbar. Geschichten über sie sind abstoßend und spannend zugleich, aber gerade wenn es sich um reale Personen handelt hochproblematisch. Viel sicherer scheint da die Auseinandersetzung mit einem fiktiven Kon­ter­fei. Wenn ich mich für Ansel Packer interessiere, schadet das schließlich niemandem. Trotzdem bleibt die Frage, ob so eine fiktive Romantisierung nicht auch auf die Realität abfärbt und die Anziehungskraft realer Täter weiter anfacht. 

Kukafka hat diese Problematik in ihrem Roman zweifach clever gelöst. Zum einen kommt Ansel durch den Einsatz der Du-Perspektive in seinen Kapiteln, von der wörtlichen Rede abgesehen, nie selbst zu Wort. So hat er keine Chance, sein “Manifest” zu verbreiten. Zum anderen bekommen in der Geschichte, wie oben beschrieben, die Opfer und Hinterbliebenen den Vortritt. Schließlich sind es ihre Namen, die uns im Gedächtnis bleiben sollten und deshalb gebühren auch ihnen die abschließenden Zeilen des Romans. Dennoch, und darüber lässt sich ausschweifend diskutieren, wird Ansel vor allem in Bezug auf seine gesetzlich genehmigte Tötung nicht vollkommen entmenschlicht, so dass auch eine gewisse Kritik an der Todesstrafe selbst im Text mitschwingt, die zum Grübeln einlädt.

Fazit

Ein fesselnder Roman, der mich mit seinen unbequemen Fragen, scharfsinnigen Beobachtungen und klugen Worten sowohl während des Lesens als auch einige Zeit danach nicht mehr losgelassen hat.

Reading Buddy Wer sich für die Schnittstelle True Crime und Gesellschaft interessiert, sollte auch einen Blick auf Rebecca Makkais Roman I Have Some Questions For You werfen. Dort geht es um einen Mordfall, der Jahre später wieder aufgegriffen wird und durch welchen zahlreiche Fragen zu Sexismus, Rassismus und Voyeurismus seziert werden.

[tackykachowch]

Silco SO should've haunted the narrative in s2 I can't stress this enough. Like, we knew Vander, Mylo and Claggor only for 3 episodes, but their presence was felt aaaall throughout s1. And now you're telling me that a PRIMARY ANTAGONIST of s1, a leader of Zaun, Jinx's dad and The person who started the negotiations with Piltover for Zaun's independence only got a couple of mentions?? Which aren't even relevant to the plot or character motivations??? Are you LEGIT FOR REAL kidding me???? I still can't believe this happened chat.

He's literally a part of the main cast. He literally was present in every single episode of s1. And again, given just How Much was tied directly to him his death should've had just. Massive consequences. For almost every single character. And yet.

My honest reaction to this information:

[nabi-unveiled]

I haven't talked enough about Two Husbands, One Wife. Because really, what do you say about perfection? It feels like any words I offer cannot do it justice.

I pretty much hold my breath every episode and pray to the show gods that they don't ruin the absolutely beautiful thing they've created.

And so far...as of episode 7...they haven't.

Because every episode has built on the idea that it really takes all THREE of them to make this relationship work. The framing reinforces this with frequent triangle shots (and even triangle dialogue). There must be a connection between all points, and no point is more important than the other. Every person is essential.

Because while Takuzo may be the "responsible" one, he's rigid in his ways.

And while Mia is the realist who easily speaks her mind and expresses what she wants, it can make her very focused on herself.

They already tried it with just the two of them. It didn't work.

And Mia and Shinpei have already tried it with just the two of them too. It doesn't work.

Because they struggle with managing responsibility on their own.

They are willing to do the work, but they need someone to guide them with structure and remind them the laundry exists. I feel that.

And although Shinpei is a free spirit who really brings "joy" to everything he does...

With just Mia, he still feels a bit insecure and not quite good enough.

And with a younger boyfriend that has so many fans, Mia can sometimes feels insecure too.

As the men have developed and taken their relationship further.

Takuzo is able to affirm Shinpei and give him the words he needs to hear.

And Shinpei's earnest and sweet nature is able to break through Takuzo's walls to help him see that his rigidity can have consequences.

His infectious energy pushes Takuzo to go places he wouldn't otherwise and encourages him to try new things.

But both men recognize that they NEED Mia.

She holds them together.

Because she's the one who can express words and speak her mind easily.

Who will make the first move when things get difficult.

And push them to make the necessary decisions.

Because they're a throuple. And no (good) relationship exists without all three of them.

Bonus: There's food symbolism (even more than I mention here). Be still my beating heart.

Mia is gyoza.

Takuzo is curry.

And it's best when the chef (Shinpei) serves both.

[popcorn-plots]

I should be doing homework but instead...

(idek if this is popular anymore, I just need motivation tbh)

1 note and I'll go take a shower

25 notes and I'll get off Tumblr and finish my homework.

50 notes and I'll put away my laundry

100 notes and I'll fix my sleep schedule

150 notes and I'll start eating breakfast before school for the rest of the school year

200 notes and I'll tell my parents what I want for my birthday

250 notes and I'll start handing out my resume/applying to jobs [did not get hired anywhere, and I'm gone most of the summer anyways]

300 notes and I'll start running 1 mile every week

350 notes and I'll finish/publish a wip [trans Stephen fic, the public has determined]

400 notes and I'll finish the next chapter of BtSA [posted here]

450 notes and I'll spend 10 minutes a day working on my novel (;-;)

500 notes and I answer my emails

550 notes and I get a pixie cut (I've been wanting a shorter cut for months) [LOOK HERE]

600 notes and I'll fix my Doctor Strange cosplay (and post pictures)

(1000 notes and I'll come out as genderfluid to my therapist, despite how terrifying it is)

(1500 notes and I'll come out to my favorite teacher OR my ally YW leader)

(if, for some reason, and probably with divine intervention, we hit 20,000 notes..... I may consider coming out to my parents and/or my ward friends.)

[cubbihue]

Vhnemdkjf purble irep! Can we see more fairy irep and anti-fairy peri?

Yup!! During their schooling, where the most amount of swaps happened, the two would end up swapping in more than just color palettes!

Sometimes Peri would get caught scheming and plotting Irep's demise (Revenge for Ruining his Science Project). Or Irep will get caught doing something very nice and wholesome for another Fairy (Helping a new student find their way around school).

Just as Anti Cosmo and Cosmo has a bit of each other's personalities mixed up, Peri and Irep has a bit of an overlap in behaviors, haha. They both love to monologue, for example. The more swaps a pair does, the more mixed they get!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[ohitslen]

*Vampirizes your Vashwood*

keep reading for more :)

If there needs to be much closer close-up please let me know!

[ho-ho-homosxual]

idk I just kinda thought this was needed

3/2/25: Edited

25 notes - I’ll finish the ref sheet for my webtoon character Done ^-^

50 notes - I’ll finish chapter 3 & 4 of my GO fanfic Working on it ^

100 notes - I’ll try by best to finish my cosplay music video Oh shit this’ll be fun :3 ^

200 notes - I’ll work on my original murder mystery novel

400 notes - I’ll finish my several WIP animatics

500 notes - I’ll finish the first 2-3 chapters of my sanders sides au fanfic

600 notes - (New) I’ll answer any non doxing asks in a timely manner

700 notes - I’ll tell my therapist about my past suicidal thoughts

850 notes - I’ll do a self care day

1k notes (New) - Talk to my mom about cursing

2k notes (New) - I’ll try to get a date ;-;

Spam is allowed

[jessmalia]

Cassandra and But Daddy I Love Him being two sides of the same coin

[cable-salamdr]

Their album drops next week y’all better be ready to hear the bangers of these four mentally ill and traumatised teenagers (Click for better quality because tumblr hates me)

Individual shots (click for details? Idk):

[aroaceleovaldez]

I was reading a post about CoTG and I realized: Rick has seemingly started to write every character pairing with the exact same dynamic, and he's not good at writing that dynamic and it doesn't make sense for 90% of the characters he writes it for.

It's that very specific dynamic of one half of the pair who is almost aggressive to the other party - "teasing" them constantly/insulting them, affectionately punching/judo flipping/maiming/etc, seemingly almost always exasperated with the other - and said other party usually just accepts this treatment or blanketly views it fondly, and may generally be framed as more incompetent than their partner and a little bit of a doormat (particularly relating to being insulted/teased/etc by their partner).

We start seeing this dynamic in HoO with Percy and Annabeth, as a sort of semi-inconsistent twist on their rivals-to-friends-to-lovers dynamic from the first series. Then the dynamic pattern develops further with Leo and Calypso. Then Magnus and Alex. Then Nico and Will, particularly in TSATS. And now in CoTG, it's Percy and Annabeth again but even more in this direction.

I know people have talked about Nico and Will's relationship over the series rapidly being shoehorned into Percabeth Two���, and it's extremely apparent in TSATS that Rick's doing it on purpose (including directly quoting Percabeth scenes but minorly tweaking them to be Solangelo). But recognizing it as an overarching trend in Rick's later books honestly reminds me a lot of how Rick started trying to apply the "Percy Formula" so-to-speak to nearly every protagonist in HoO (and then try to replicate similar character archetypes with Magnus and Apollo's narrations - moreso Magnus in being jaded and sarcastic, very much trying to be first series Percy. He only sounds unique because Rick failed at making him Percy 2. Apollo is more akin to later-series Percy characterization of being goofy and incompetent. Apollo [and Zeus] even got retconned to give Apollo a more similar backstory to Percy's). Rick seems to have decided that he thinks the audience wants this specific dynamic but 10 times over, except he's not good at writing it the first time because it's a bastardization of the time he did a different thing okay.

And Rick also seems aware of that too! Because he retconned Calypso and Leo at the end of TOA, probably because he realized how absolutely awful it was reading when they were written with that dynamic of Calypso just functionally hating Leo and constantly being aggressive towards him! The only time Rick's actually made the dynamic even semi-successful was with Magnus and Alex, because it actually fits within their characters, their dynamics with each other, and their environment. Alex beheading Magnus on the regular works out fine because there are no repercussions to that in Valhalla, Magnus will be fine, so it does genuinely come off as humorous. And Alex has been effectively established to be abrasive at times but have her genuine feelings shine through regularly, and that meshes well with Magnus' jaded-and-aloof-but-quietly-very-empathetic character. And Magnus has been established to, yes, not be great at combat, particularly compared to Alex. They are the only time that flavor of dynamic in that form was effective and cohesive.

Percabeth is no longer rivals-to-friends-to-lovers badasses on equal levels with shaky pasts who finally found some form of permanence with one another. Now it's super smart doting and affectionately aggressive girlfriend and her silly goofy 50%-of-the-time incompetent boyfriend who she judo flips/pushes off cliffs/etc - but affectionately~! Solangelo is trying to riff off of the early series "Poseidon & Athena are enemies" dynamic that Percabeth had but with Apollo & Hades being "opposites" but learning to accept each other, except it ends up with Will just coming off as a huge asshole and Nico being retconned to a complete doormat about it - when prior to that those characterizations would be completely contrary to their established characters (even just from TOA!). Calypso in HoO gets retconned from her PJO characterization to being snooty and aggressive, and Leo's false persona gets merged into his just normal personality except he just also becomes a doormat but more goofy than Nico with occasional haha-dark/depression-humor! Which Nico also got. Which was also a bastardized Percy trait that got redistributed.

It's exhausting. Rick write more than one relationship dynamic you can do it I promise

[worm-fanon-polls]

note that this poll is meant to represent romantic (though not necessarily sexual) ships, not your favorite QPR. If you like, say, Aisha/Alec or Lisa/Taylor as strictly platonic partners, but only in this scenario, then please don't pick it as your favorite ship!

Other less popular taylor ships (like Taylor/Alec) are not included in this poll, I will be posting a second poll with Taylor-specific ships later

make sure to tell me what you think and why you think it!

[chinese--satellite]

sebastian vettel: yeah, i'm sure you would have waved me past as well.

[theythemmer]

Parted from me and never parted. Never and always touching and touched.

[notmoreflippingelves]

Actually going insane over the implications of Jason asking Dick to be the Robin to his Batman in Battle for the Cowl.

Like I initially took it at the purely surface-level of Jason wanting a partner in the general sense. Which made sense, it's a huge responsibility and a lonely one so an assistant/sidekick/partner seems a no-brainer if you can get one.

But then I really thought about it, because Jason is not asking Dick to be his partner in the general sense; he's not even asking Dick to be his Nightwing. He's asking Dick to be his Robin.

And they both know exactly what Jason means: "Be the light to my darkness. Be the smile to my scowl. Be the hope to my fear. "

He's saying "Be 'Robin'; be the embodiment of Love and Justice and Goodness. Be the exceptional person that you have always been. Be the slightly-less exceptional person that I was when I wore your colors. Be the person that I was in the process of becoming and might have been (or might still be), if only Joker hadn't clipped my wings."

He's saying "I am prepared to become vengeance, become the Night. And I will go further than Bruce ever dared to, because it is what is needed. I will be the necessary evil. But you don't have to be. If Batman is Gotham's curse, Robin has always been its blessing. I will be the brutal punishment to our world, and I am asking you to be its incandescent gift."

He's saying, "Be for me, what we were for Him. Be my anchor, my comfort, my hope. Remind me what it's all for, why it's all worth it. And remind yourself as well."

He's saying "Be 'Robin' again--for both of our sakes."

[alackofghosts]

spring i

(the poem is oculus by sally wen mao)