#Nothing is better than a pill of antibiotic though

[textsfromthetva]

I would have made a post sooner, but I've been too distressed to even talk about this.

Mobius is sick. That's my cat, for the uninitiated. He started throwing up food Thursday night, like, a lot, so we went to the vet on Friday, who concluded he had a fever, but other than that and the nausea, there were no symptoms. So that's an infection, right? No telling where, but he got a shot of anty-nausea meds, a shot of antibiotics, and I got a box of catch-all antibiotics in pill form, and home we went.

Problem is, he kept getting worse. Cats do this thing where, when they feel a bit under the weather, they go 'guess I'll die 🤷‍♂️' and stop eating and drinking, like little drama queens. So you need to keep them from starving themselves to death until medication starts working. Friday night I had to start force feeding him, which in the case of cats means mixing wet food with water, forcing their jaw open, and using a syringe (without a needle, obvs) to squirt food into their mouth, holding their head back to force them to swallow. It's not fun for either party, and for 36 hours I did that every other hour, including throughout the night. But he continued to get worse. He was sluggish and dehydrated. I kept feeding him. No improvement. He was miserable, I was miserable, it was fucking horrible.

Sunday night we went to an emergency vet clinic, because I couldn't handle it any longer, I needed someone to have another look. She concluded that his fever had gone up, despite him being on antibiotics. This is obviously very troubling. She convinced me to pay for some blood work, just the basics, and he's insured, so whatever. I told her the Good Girl died two months ago, from FIP (feline infectious peritonitis). When she came back she looked very grim, and had brought scanning equipment. A ton of stuff was totally fine, but there was one thing, that was alarming. A number that should be over 8 in healthy cats, with 4-8 being troubling, and under 4 being 'that cat probably has FIP' was clocking in at a 3 for Mobius. But his red blood cells were fine and his organ markers were fine, so she did an ultra sound to look for fluids in his abdominal cavity, which is another sign of FIP. There was nothing. She's worried that it's just because we caught it super early.

But, we decided to proceed as if he's got a crazy infection, he got another injection of anti-nausea medication, new antibiotics, some fever-reduction pills, and an appetite stimulant that's a cream you rub on the inside of their ears, so it's absorbed through the skin.

He started perking up a lot. Still wasn't eating though. So this afternoon my mom stopped by with ten different kinds of wet food they had lying around (cat breeder behaviour), and we created a huge buffet on the kitchen floor. All my plates are in play. And eventually he started eating some shredded chicken in jelly. I don't know if you've ever cried from watching a cat eat, but I was fucking sobbing.

At this point, 12 hours later, I've had to refill the plate with that single fucking kind of wet food four times. He's almost halfway through a big can by now!

So I'm choosing to be delulu right now. I'm choosing to believe that those numbers were off because he hadn't eaten. Because he's completely back to normal now, behaviourally, and surely, surely he would not get better like this if he was fatally ill and about to die.

Anyway, if he does die I'm going to break. Just FYI.

[covid-safer-hotties]

also preserved at the archive

By: Jessica Wildfire

You don't need me to tell you how bad it's getting.

I'll tell you anyway, though.

As we drown in endless waves of Covid that generate millions of infections and thousands of deaths per week, our leaders have effectively stripped away every tool we have. They prefer a society that sacrifices themselves for short-term economic and political gains and then becomes ripe clientele for the pharmaceutical industry. They collude with the media to push out a daily barrage of misinformation aimed exclusively at ensuring we continue to work, shop, and vacation, because that's what they care about. Meanwhile, they do absolutely nothing about pandemics on the way as dozens of diseases spread out of control, at levels 10 times worse than normal. As the World Health Organization sounds alarms, telling us "we have arrived in the post-antibiotic era," and that we faced a future pandemic up to 20 times worse than Covid, our leaders focus on vibes. That last part should get our attention. Yes, we are here. We have arrived in the time when superbugs aren't responding to antibiotics. If that weren't bad enough, they're preying on our weakened immune systems.

And bird flu has likely gone human to human.

But it's not hopeless.

Four years ago, we looked to plants to protect us from pathogens because vaccines and treatments weren't coming anytime soon. The minute those vaccines and antivirals came out, most people forgot all about plants. They reverted to their old assumptions that plants were for hippies.

Well, here we are again.

Our vaccines and treatments are failing, and when they work they're often in short supply, or we can't even get access to them. Moms and dads are rolling out the NyQuil in little cutesie Facebook posts, along with all the pills that treat the symptoms but leave the disease itself to roam free all over your body.

We can do better.

As we mask while demanding clean air and better medicine, it's time to revisit those plants and see what they can do.

Do they even work?

Yeah, they do.

A 2024 review of studies in Viruses identified 10 different plant compounds with broad antiviral properties and effectiveness specific to Covid (and in many cases several other viruses). As they write, "plat-derived molecules can tackle viruses by acting on different aspects of their infection process" and "inhibit coronavirus/host protein pathways" by blocking them. The authors initially identified 45 different compounds and then narrowed them to the 10 most effective.

Plants work because they contain terpenoids, flavonoids, phenols, and alkaloids that all demonstrate "high anti-viral potential against SARS-CoV-2 particles" as well as other viruses. They do this in a variety of ways that work across variants because they block virus entry while also tamping down replication and essentially "stopping its life cycle."

Sounds good to me...

Let's get into it.

First, ginkgo biloba contains two bioflavonoids called quercetin and rutin that can block Covid's 3CLPro BS PL-pro enzymes, as demonstrated in two different studies that looked at how they bind to parts of the spike protein. According to an article in Nature, 3CLPro plays a central role in virus replication, specifically for Covid. Ginkgo also contains kaempfero that inhibits Covid's envelope protein E, "consequently suppressing virus activity and proliferation." G. Biloba also brings an anti-inflammatory effect that can help with recovery as well.

Second, turmeric and curcumin "can either bind directly to the receptor binding domain of the viral S-proteins or secure ACE2 receptors of the hosted cell." Basically, they stop viral entry into your cells. As the authors write, a curcumin derivative called bi-demethoxycurcumin "displayed the best binding affinity" to spike proteins.

It also works on the original SARS virus.

Third, a common spice called artemesia annua demonstrated antiviral activity in clinical trials. The group who took an artemisia compound called artemisinin-piperaquine "took significantly less time to reach undetectable levels of SARS-CoV-2 than the controls." In fact, artemisinins "are known for their extended-spectrum antiviral activity." An artemisia derivative called artesunate has shown effectiveness against both DNA and RNA viruses including hepatitis and HIV.

Artemesia compounds work similar to ginkgo by latching on to five different parts of the spike protein "which might explain its remarkable binding affinity." In addition to flavonoids like quercetin, researchers have identified di-caffeoylquinic acid as doing a lot of the heavy lifting here. Like curcumin, these flavonoids also bind to ACE2 receptors on your cells and protect them. Medical researchers are working on refining these compounds into artenimol, a single high-potency compound for giving to patients.

Fourth, nigella sativa (black cumin seeds) have shown antiviral activity by disrupting viral RNA transcription. Carvacrol and nigellidine extracted from these seeds "can block ACE2 receptors, thus inhibiting the SARS-CoV-2 entry into the host cells."

Fifth, ginger (6-gingerol, 8-gingerol, 10-gingerol) can inhibit parts of the Covid spike protein. Specifically, it's the bioactive compounds geraniol, shogaol, zingiberene, and zingiberenol that do the blocking.

Sixth, garlic (allium sativum) shows antiviral activity. It contains compounds called allicin, ajoene, and garlicin that work against several viruses in the same ways as the other compounds, by targeting spike proteins, disrupting transcription, and protecting your cells' entry channels.

Next:

Cinnamon at 50 ug/ml operates the same way as the other compounds, by blocking host cell entry and viral replication. Rosemary (rosmarinus officinale) shows effectiveness in blocking viral activity, even in a study that compared it to the antivirals remdesivir and favipiravir.

Want an unusual suspect?

It's dandelion.

Dandelion extract has shown to be "effective against influenza virus infection" and in higher concentrations "showed efficacy against spike proteins... and its different mutants" in human lung and kidney cells, while also helping to prevent the cytokine storm that's often so deadly in the acute stage. Here in particular, studies have shown that dandelion extract works regardless of the variant.

Finally, oregano (origanum vulgare) extract demonstrates antiviral activity against many DNA and RNA viruses, including Covid and HIV. As the authors write, extracts "showed remarkable efficacy against equine influenza virus, canine coronavirus, RS, and H1N1. In fact, it can inhibit up to 74 percent of viral activity at certain sites.

Again, carvacrol does the heavy lifting.

I've looked at other supplements and extracts with antiviral properties. They include grapeseed extract, grapefruit seed extract, olive leaf extract, echinacea, St. John's-Wort, and elderberry.

A 2024 study found that oleuropein, found in olive leaf extract, demonstrates high antibacterial activity at 130 mg/ml and high antifungal activity at 65 mg/ml. Another 2022 study found that oleuropein showed significant effectiveness against Covid in hospitalized patients when they were given 250-500 mg every 12 hours for five days. (No real difference between 250 and 500 mg.) The study also reviews previous research that oleuropein has shown effectiveness against other viruses, including HIV and influenza. It works the same way as other flavonoids, lectins, secoiridoids, and polyphenols, by blocking ACE2 receptors.

A 2022 study reviews available research on elderberry (sambucus nigra), confirming antiviral activity against HIV, flu, and coronaviruses. As the researchers write, adults in clinical trials "showed a significant reduction in symptoms, averaging 50 percent." Elderberry has also shown the ability to stimulate the production of immune cells. A 2019 study confirms that elderberry works against flu via "multiple modes of therapeutic action," including the inhibition of replication and host cell entry. An extensive 2021 study looking at prior research found that high-quality elderberry extracts enriched with anthocyanin work especially well.

A 2022 study in Nature found that a mixture of St. John's Wort (hypericum perforatum) and Echinacea showed significant antiviral activity against Covid. Specifically capsules with .9 mg of St. John's "can significantly reduce SARS-CoV-2 viral load," peaking at 36 hours after the start of treatment.

St. John's Wort works just fine on its own. The authors stress the importance of maintaining its concentration if you add other compounds like echinacea.

That said, a 2022 study in Frontiers in Pharmacology found that echinacea at 4,000 mg for 10 days led to a substantial reduction in viral load and fewer hospitalizations when used to treat Covid patients.

Here's a chart docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1cTJ3lXHPUW7AyrZPXQb63IjmhVbahRm_7Y5IMxKcqO8/edit?usp=sharing&ref=okdoomer.io

You can also look up most of these supplements and extracts on Mount Sinai's health library. They'll give you a good breakdown. It's a good idea to talk with a doctor if you're skeptical or not sure about interactions with other drugs, or look at the studies on your own. The studies linked in the sheet provide the most detailed dose information I can find, usually presented in a table. Duration runs around two weeks for an acute illness and 3-4 months for chronic infections like HIV.

Do I think it's sustainable to take high amounts of supplements all year long to ward off all kinds of airborne diseases, for the rest of our lives? Not really. That's why we absolutely need clean indoor air, masks, better vaccines, and better treatments. Until then, at least we have this information.

List of studies raindrop.io/JW_Lists/alternative-treatments-47681852

So there you have it.

If you've been wondering whether this stuff really works, the answer appears to be a loud yes. We need more research on dose amounts, but the studies all point in the direction of taking as much as you can while staying within the safe limits, for the duration of any time you feel at risk of getting sick.

Most of these extracts work against multiple viruses. They also help regulate your immune system and push it toward a less inflammatory response.

That's good to know.

My family has been using some of these supplements for several years, and it might explain why we've managed to steer clear of Long Covid. We still wear N95 masks everywhere. We advocate for clean air and better vaccines, along with better treatments. In the meantime, it looks like we can up our supplement game and that it's actually going to bring some benefit.

This isn't magic.

These plant compounds work the same way as many of the antivirals on the market. Medical researchers have been researching the antiviral properties of plants for decades, and cultures have used them for thousands of years. Given our current outlook, they're worth taking seriously.

Use what you can.

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 25

Masterlist

Series masterlist

Part 24 🍂 Part 26

Pairing: Syverson x ofc

Series summary: Life with Sy, what more can you wish for? The most amazing husband and father to a whole litter of cute little kids... Sometimes you wonder "how did you get here?"

Chapter warnings: I secretly hate having to fucking spoil this here Mentions of pregnancy, angst, fluff...

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: Well, well, well... I managed to drag this out for over 40k words. I'm proud of myself. @keanureevesisbae, are you proud of me too? (And are you finally happy, now that the whole buikgriep thing is over? XD)

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @omgkatinka @summersong69 @beck07990 @peaches1958 @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn @livisss @sofiebstar

You had done the math thirteen times in the shower. Then twice when you got out, then six more times while you waited the exact amount of time recommended by the not-to-be-missed blue numbers on the box you had hoped to keep stashed in the back of the bottom shelf of your medicine cabinet for at least another year. Maybe two. Or three. Or more. Now, tears were streaming down your face while you looked at the two life-changing pink lines. You had no idea how long you had been sitting there when you heard footsteps in the hall. They were way too light to belong to Pat, and they definitely weren’t Sy’s, so it had to be Jules. It honestly could have been a satanic easter bunny with a chainsaw; you wouldn’t have moved either way.

“Lara, we’re going h-” Jules shut her mouth mid-sentence and rushed over to you as soon as she saw you sitting on your bed. “What’s going on? Can you hear me?” She sounded really scared. There was nothing you could do other than hum softly at her question, all other functions of your body seemed to have been turned off. It was only a matter of time before she looked down at what you were holding in your hands.

“Oh.” That was all she said for a while, but when you still didn’t reply, she continued: “I don’t know what to say. If you’re happy, I’m happy for you. It’s just that you don’t look happy.” Probably because you weren’t feeling very happy, and though you were mostly shocked and definitely more than a little bit freaked out, you weren’t unhappy, either.

“I don’t know, Jules,” you said, now entirely unable to stop your crying. How was this even possible? You didn’t remember throwing up anywhere in the past weeks, there were no unexplained pills left in your strip, or the last one. No antibiotics, nothing. Of course, a one percent chance was still a chance… The footsteps on the stairs were clearly Sy’s – you’d recognize them from a mile away. Normally, the sound comforted you, because… Well, because it was Sy. That was plenty. Now, it just threatened to send you into hysterics.

“Lara, listen to me,” Jules said, “I’m going to leave. You two are gonna talk. It’s going to be fine. I promise.” You just hoped she was able to gauge Sy’s reaction better than you were, because your brain was cooking up doom scenario’s left and right.

“Talk about what?” Sy said as he opened the door. Jules didn’t leave in a gigantic hurry. You appreciated that, it calmed you down somewhat. It gave you some time to take a few deep breaths while she said goodnight to Sy before leaving him by the door in a state of bewilderment and suspicion.

When he walked over to you, you turned your head to look at him– which was the first time you moved in what you now guessed would have to be about fifteen minutes.

“Sugar, you’re scarin’ me,” Sy said with one raised eyebrow and a hesitant half-smile on his face. Without looking, he sat down on the bed in front of you, and put a hand on yours. “What’s that you’re holdin’?” There was no point in lying to him. Besides, he was already holding the test – and his initial reaction wasn’t that much different from yours.

“I’m pregnant,” you said. It was the first time you said it out loud – although ‘loud’ was a serious overstatement. Was a part of you banking on the off chance that this was a false positive? Probably. Sy’s reaction didn’t help. Why didn’t he look happy? He’d known he wanted kids for God knows how long! He should be ecstatic, right?

“I can see that,” he said softly. In his voice, you heard the tears you saw in his eyes, but he didn’t give you any indication of whether they were happy tears or… You didn’t even want to think about the alternative. The idea of Sy not being happy about this absolutely shattered your heart, which could really only mean one thing… You’d made up your mind. “What I really wanna know is… Sugar, are we havin’ a baby?”

“Yes,” you said, your voice remarkably strong as you did. The word was barely out of your mouth, or Sy’s lips were on yours. The kiss was fierce, gentle, caring, full of love, protective, intense, relentless, very thorough – and so much more. It was everything he was, everything he had to offer, and all of it was for you, and you alone.

Seeing him cry was something else: it broke your heart, even though you were absolutely convinced they were tears of joy. He didn’t speak. He just pulled you into his lap, and let you curl up into a ball.

“A week ago, we were fighting about whether or not I saw a future for us,” you murmured. You’d never been more certain of that future, but at the same time, you were terrified. Having a baby with the guy you’d only been dating for four months sounded crazy, everyone could see that. Even if that guy was Sy. The two of you got into bed, and you didn’t waste a second to crawl back into his arms.

“Sugar, we don’t have to do this. Whatever you decide, I’m right there with ya.” How could he even say that? Did that mean…

“You don’t want this…” It wasn’t a question. Why else would he even suggest not seeing this through?

“Whoa! Sugar, let me tell ya somethin’,” he said, “I was there when Wes was born. Actually, I’d just spent a day or two in jail for chasin’ Betty’s good for nothin’ son of a bitch ex, Joe Warren, down and punching his lights out, but that’s not important right now.”

“Jail?” That seemed excessive…

“Small town, Sheriff saw me, I gave him a li’l too much of an attitude. Parents weren’t too eager to come pick me up, figured it’d do me good to spend the night.” He was smiling, clearly it hadn’t left any kind of permanent trauma. Still seemed weird, though. “They were a few towns over for a funeral, anyway, so they weren’t even thinkin’bout picking my sorry ass up. Sheriff let me go when my sister called the office, said she needed me at the hospital.”

“Wait, if your parents weren’t home, how did she get to the hospital?”

“Georgie had driven her,” Sy said as he smiled at the memory. Somewhere, instinctively, the math didn’t work out there. “Fifteen years old. They let ‘em keep their learner’s permits, him and Ricky. Like I said, small town.” Sy shook his head while you silently jumped for joy: You’d been right, the math didn’t work out.

“Sheriff took ‘em back home. I stayed with Betty. I’ll tell ya, Sugar, I wanted to run, I was freaked out.” “But you didn’t.” That had to be the point, right?

“I didn’t. He’s Jonathan Wesley Syverson for a reason,” he said. Shortly after, his expression turned the slightest bit sour. “McGraw, nowadays.”

“Your sister’s husband adopted him?” you asked. Why did Sy seem upset about that? “I’m a little shaky on the names, still, sorry.”

“Bill,” Sy reminded you. “He did. I shouldn’t be mad about it, he’s a good man. Great father. But it pissed me off when he waltzed in and… What I’m tryin’ to say, Sugar: The moment I held my nephew, I knew I wanted kids of my own someday. I’ve been wantin’ this since I was seventeen years old. Ain’t gon’ change my mind about it now.” Somehow, that story helped a lot, and what’s more; you noticed Sy’s hand had moved – without you realizing it – to your stomach.

“I’m scared,” you whispered. Sy’s lips found your temple and kissed it softly.

“I’m right here.”

[just-horrible-things]

‘Verse: Resistance Story: Chewtoy AU, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: The Resistance have rescued Connor from the feds

Blur [ First | Prev ]

The days pass in a blur.

Ari wakes to the electronic screech of her alarm, tends to Connor, and collapses back onto her bed or onto the floor beside his.

Connor cries through the night and Ari gets no sleep at all and she cries too, holding each breath until she’s sure she can let it out without making a sound to panic Connor.

The alarm wakes her, and it’s light, and Connor’s breathing like he’s dying, shallow and uneven. She rolls out of bed, back burning with phantom stripes, and staggers to his side. Checks the time, checks her notes. More morphine – if that’s really what’s in the hand-labeled bottles the Morgens give them – more water, more antibiotics.

She breaks a half-pill in half again and swallows it, wishing desperately there was more. 

Maybe she could beg the warlocks for more.

She sits with Connor and he doesn’t seem to even see her, and that’s alright, she has nothing to say to him. There’s no words that can make this right. Quiet is good.

Still, she worries. He’s not been lucid again since the first time – was that two days ago, three? Alex Morgen comes to heal Connor nearly every day, but despite all the magic Connor is still lost in delirium and nightmare. 

She should have lied to him when he asked her the cost. It might have been the last real time she gets to talk to him and she wasted it arguing.

It won’t be the last time. He can’t be dying. He’s getting so much healing. Even if it is rationed out in little daily measures. He isn’t dying.

Even if he does die, he’s had so much help. It was worth Ariadne coming here. No matter what they do to her when they don’t get what they want, it was worth it for the chance to make his last days a little less awful.

Better to die in a soft bed with a friendly face to take care of you, than on the floor under Riven’s heel. Right?

She tries not to think that way.

More of the time, she doesn’t think at all, which is much better.

She just sits, eyes unfocused, hand moving intermittently across Connor’s hair, until the alarm jolts her back to reality yet again – or until Connor cries out, answering voices she cannot hear, and she has to try and find the words to soothe him.

The alarm sounds and – while trying to feed juice to Connor for the sake of the sugar that’s in it – she remembers she’s forgotten to eat again. She slinks out to the kitchen, feeling like a criminal every time she leaves the room even though she was told very clearly to feed herself.

The array of cans in the cupboard is overwhelming. She doesn’t want beans or soup and she definitely doesn’t want canned hotdogs. In the end she just grabs herself a couple of granola bars to take back to Connor’s room and eat there. They add up to a meal’s worth of calories, she’ll be fine. She’ll eat something hot before bed.

Connor calls her sir and she isn’t sure if he’s mistaking her for an interrogator, or if everyone is sir while everyone has the power to inflict agony with the touch of a hand. It doesn’t matter, she thinks. The difference is meaningless anyway.

Taryn Morgen startles her from a deep stupor, and for a minute Ari’s sure that she’s here to take what she’s owed this time. She almost pleads for more time. She almost throws herself at the witch’s feet. 

But when she starts to move she jolts Connor, and he cries out in pain, and Taryn moves to help steady him so Ari can get up, and the moment passes. 

It’s time to change Connor’s dressings again, and Ari can’t do it on her own, and she is so deeply grateful that Taryn recognises that and shows up regularly to help.

Every time so far it’s made Connor scream, even though Taryn gives him more of the morphine than she allows Ari to give. Any meaningful touch still makes bones shift below the broken skin, and that’s enough to cut through any amount of morphine.

They wait until he’s barely conscious, then Taryn lifts him with magic while Ari unpeels, unwinds, and cuts away the dressings, feeling nothing but exhaustion as he whines and twitches and cries – “mmnnhh – ggggggh – a, a– sir, please – hhggggnnnhh – a-aaaggh –” under her hands.

How empty a creature is she, that she doesn’t even flinch from hurting him?

Blood and screams are as familiar as concrete walls and steel surfaces. She’s more at ease causing pain than trying to soothe it. 

Even the witch has more idea what to say to be comforting. Her voice turns gentle, very different from how she speaks to Ariadne, and Ari’s so grateful for that. When Taryn looks at her, there’s cold distrust in her eyes.

But at least the infected wounds look better day on day. Less swelling, less pus to wipe from the cuts, more skin the colour of skin instead of red and purple. 

Before she leaves, Taryn asks again how Connor’s been. She doesn’t ask if he’s ready to talk, but she doesn’t have to. Ari can hear the clock ticking perfectly clearly. It’s almost a relief, in these moments, to be able to say that he’s still out of his mind, still failing to recognise her.

Better that than lucid but refusing.

And when the witch is gone, she sits with Connor again, and wipes the tears from his face, and tries to get him to look at her, and falls back on just stroking his hair. He doesn’t usually flinch from steady, gentle rhythms. Sometimes it seems to help him settle.

“I’m sorry,” she says over and over again. “I’m sorry, I wish it didn’t hurt, I’m sorry.” Of everything she can think of to say, sorry is the least like Riven she can imagine.

Gradually the sobs slow and Connor’s eyes start to clear.

“-- Ah – Ari –?” he rasps. “Yeah.” She tries to force a smile, but can’t. “Yeah, it’s me, it’s Ari.” He has to force his words out between shaky gasps. “Found – me?” “Yeah,” she answers, then as fear starts to dawn across his face yet again, “You’re out now. You’re safe, I’m safe. We’re both out.” “Didn’ think –” he tries, but coughs before he can find more words. Shallow, rattling coughs that sound like death and shake his wasted, shattered frame until there’s no light left in his eyes, just animal suffering. “I got you,” Ari murmurs over and over, “I got you, I’m here.”

She lays one hand lightly over his forearm, over the fresh bandages there. Up near the elbow, above the swelling that creeps up from his wrist. Keeping the pressure as light as she can and still expect him to feel it at all, she rubs tiny circles.

Eventually Connor falls limp again, dazed, the top of his head against the side of Ari’s leg.

“... ‘m I … dying?” he croaks into the mattress. “No,” she tells him. It’s not the first time he’s asked and it won’t be the last. “You’re… gonna get better. It’s just slow.”

She ignores the little voice that tells her not to make promises she can’t keep. If she’s wrong, it doesn’t really matter what she tells him, now does it?

“... where – ?” “Safe. We’re safe here.” Don’t ask, she wills him, don’t push it.“– but –” He tries to lift his head, gasps, and chokes on a moan like he does every time he forgets not to move. “Hey, mh – what d’you need? Lie still, I can fetch things for you.” “Thought I saw –” he starts, but to Ari’s relief trails off before finishing the thought. 

He thought he saw renowned terrorist Taryn Morgen, she knows. She doesn’t want to have that conversation again, she really doesn’t.

“... n’v’mind…” he mumbles. Ari offers him juice, hoping to distract, and he drinks a little. His eyes have gone distant, and she thinks he’s gone again. It’s okay. Even brief coherence is something to celebrate. 

Then, “Ari?” “Yeah?” “Are you … hurt?” “No, Connor.” This time she does manage a smile. “I’m not hurt. Not even a scratch. I’m totally fine.” He makes a quiet “mmph” of acknowledgement – then sets himself gasping by trying to move again. “Hey, woah, what d’you need?” By way of answer, he just presses the side of his head closer against her leg. “Okay,” Ari agrees, “hold still, let me.”

Carefully, trying not to shift his ruined shoulders more than absolutely necessary, she slides the pillow out from under his face, and eases her leg into its place. Connor blinks away a few more tears, but settles against her thigh.

“Ari,” he says, voice choked, “I can’t…” “I know,” she answers. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s getting better, it is.” “... I can’t hold you,” he whispers. “I know. I’m here though, I got you.”

“I didn’ think… y’d find me.” “I know,” again. “Me neither. I got lucky.” Anxiety winds through the delight that he’s talking again. “I thought…. f’you looked f’r me, you’d… you’d…” “I know. I’m an idiot, I took risks, I’m sorry. But it worked out, I’m okay. I’m here and you’re out and I’m not hurt, I promise.” A shudder ripples through him, and he tucks his chin down, ducking his face more firmly against Ari’s leg. His lips part as if to say something else, pained, but he finds no words.

“Nothing else matters,” Ari says. “I’m here, you’re here, and it’s going to get better. Nothing else is important right now. Everything else can wait.” “But – Ari I –” “Nothing else,” she repeats, hearing as if from a distance her own voice crack. “I’ve got you.” “-- listen,” he insists, and she falls quiet. “I – begged him,” Connor confesses, as bitter as if it’s some great secret. Grief and affection well up together. I know, she almost says, and catches herself. “It doesn’t matter,” she says. “You’re everything to me, Connor, all that matters is you’re out and you’re here and with me.”

Another sob shakes his shoulders.

“Shhh,” Ari soothes, resting a hand on the back of his neck. “Try to breathe steady.” It’s impossible, she knows.

“I can’t – protect you anymore,” Connor chokes out. “Then I’ll protect you. I’ll protect myself. It’s okay, Connor, I’m okay.” “It’s – not okay.” “No,” she agrees, “it’s not, it’s all – fucking awful. But – you don’t have to protect me, I don’t care about that.” “Fucking… awful,” he repeats. “Yeah, that’s – ‘bout right. I – I can’t do this, Ari…” “I know. I know. Just – hold on for me, please? It’s getting better, I promise.”

He doesn’t look like he believes her. She can’t blame him, she doesn’t fully believe herself either. But it’s all she can offer. She’s not powerful, she’s not a magic healer, she can’t protect him or herself. All she has is desperate, comforting lies.

“... don’t leave me?” Connor asks, plaintive. It hurts Ari’s heart to hear. “I won’t. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” “Then…” – another weak cough, an exhalation through gritted teeth – “then, I’ll hold on.”

The relief is almost sickening in intensity. Ari can’t bend forwards enough to get her face near his, so she settles for cupping his head between her hands. “Thank you, Connor,” she breathes. “Thank you.”

“Talk to me?” he asks. “Okay. I can do that.” It’s the least she can do.

She has to wrack her brain for a topic that isn’t horribly morbid, or else about the Morgens and the Resistance. She ends up telling him about her trip across the border, again. Not the fear and the cold and the despair, but all the little mundane things along the way. Places and sights and objects, things she ate – when did she last eat? – and people she met who weren’t terrorist warlocks.

She doesn’t think he really follows. He doesn’t respond much, and when he does put in a word she doesn’t understand what he means. But he stays relaxed, and his breathing settles into a calm and steady rhythm, and that’s as much reward as Ari can ask for.

She’s doing a good job, right now at least. She lets her eyes close, finally starting to relax again.

Soon enough, her hand slips from his head and her words start to run together, losing their sense. She doesn’t notice, and Connor doesn’t say anything. A few minutes later she falls quiet, claimed by sleep. Not long after that, the worst of the agony still held at bay by the morphine, Connor sleeps too.

[irishsparkleparty]

I had a wild week with medical stuff, and I would love for NOTHING ELSE TO HAPPEN.

(more under cut so I don't clog your dash)

I started off Monday thinking I had an infection in my ear helix piercing (burning sharp pain that spread to my temple and base of my neck). I went to urgent care on Tuesday morning and even though there was no discharge or visible infection I was prescribed an antibiotic ointment and pill.

About an hour or so after I took the pill I noticed something weird with my mouth when I would eat and drink (especially from a straw). my mouth and lips would shift hard to the right like I was pursing my lips? completely involuntary. I don't think too much of it at first and call out of work and pretty much just sleep until I have to go to work again Wednesday night.

I notice that the pain coming from my ear is better but half of my face is numb and droopy, including my lips and tongue. My anxiety goes through the roof at this point because. uh. droopy face is BAD. although I feel fine everywhere else and I'm not slurring words or anything.

I go to urgent care again thinking I'm having a bad reaction to the antibiotics. the doctor is totally flabbergasted and has no idea what's wrong with me. She isn't sure if it's the medicine or something else so she sends me to the emergency room. (HELLO ANXIETY)

I don't have any friends close by and my girlfriend can't drive so I call my boss. she immediately comes to get me. the droopiness is getting worse and I finally see a doctor a few hours later. he almost instantly diagnoses me with Bell's Palsy and assures me it's not a stroke.

if you don't know what Bell's Palsy is, it's a dormant virus that can activate at anytime and it causes the facial nerve on one side to swell which causes numbness and droopiness. it's actually pretty harmless and goes away on it's own in less than 6 months. so. thank god for that.

the biggest trouble with it is I can't fully blink my left eye so it's just permanently kind of weepy and I need to use a lot of eyedrops. I ordered an eyepatch to use while I'm at work because the blurriness is very distracting.

I can kind of move the left side of my face but not without a lot of effort, the muscles are just very weak but not totally useless. it's really only noticeable when I talk and smile.

Anyway uhhh I'm glad my piercing isn't infected and it wasn't anything too serious. although this will affect me for quite a while. Just wanted to vent about my horrible roller-coaster of a week!!!!!

[thedanoriddler]

🟢 Edward Nashton x Sick!Reader Headcanons ⚫️

Hey all, ya girl here has had fucking tonsillitis (or some other throat infection, my doctor just said my throat was SUPER infected) since Tuesday, and also too much time on her hands 😷🤧 figured I might as well put my sickness to good use for everyone!

Warnings: As title implies, being unwell: sickness mentioned is a flu/cold/throat/chest kind of illness, not p*ke. It’s literally just me using my illness and writing Eddie taking care of me/a reader who’s as ill as I’ve been. Literally is just soft fluffy comfort shit.

It starts as a sore throat and sniffle, you think it’s probably just a cold on its way, but then it actually just gets worse and worse

The second you so much as sniffle one morning, Eddie is right by your side because he’s hyper tuned to every little movement and sound you make - you can’t hide anything from him

“I’m fine, Eddie, really, it’s nothing-” “Nooo, no, (Y/N), you’re sick! Lie down, just lie down and I’ll be right back with some tea!”

You literally don’t have a choice, that man insists that you rest and he doesn’t take no for an answer

“It’s probably just a cold,” you mumble as you start to fall asleep, Eddie covering you with a blanket. “I’ll feel better after a nap…”

Yeah, no, you really don’t

You wake up after napping and can’t swallow anything without wanting to gag or cry - it just hurts too much. Eddie worries so much over you as he tries to get you to drink some more tea, but it doesn’t help. You can’t even swallow painkillers because your throat is so swollen

After some debate, you let Eddie look down your throat with a torch because he insists - his eyes widen and he tells you that there’s red and white patches, that you should probably go to a doctor. You’re stubborn though and tell him you’ll feel better after more sleep.

That night is absolutely miserable for both of you because you can’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time without waking up in pain, and nothing Eddie does seems to help: you’re just in so much pain and you’re running a fever, alternating between having the sweats and having chills

Poor Eddie just wants to help so bad but he feels kind of useless because all he can do is let you curl up with him as you whimper and cry out in pain

You try showering or bathing in the morning but you’re burning up and can barely move, he has to help you get to the bathroom and help you get cleaned up because you can’t stand straight

When Eddie tries to make you some food, you turn all of it down - you can’t even swallow water or ice cream without it burning, without it feeling like knives in your throat, and you have literally zero appetite now anyway

Getting a doctor’s appointment quickly in Gotham is pretty much impossible, the healthcare is severely underfunded in most parts of the city and you’d be more likely to shit gold than find a decent doctor on short notice - but Eddie has his ways; somehow he manages to get a doctor to see you that evening, and he listens to everything the doctor says so he can help you get better

You get prescribed a course of antibiotics (penicillin) and Eddie is so diligent about making sure you start them immediately: he writes down the times you take a dose, makes sure you have all your doses, spaces them out so that you have a chance to eat between doses but can still take the pills on an empty stomach like you’re supposed to… he just wants to help you so bad, all he wants is for you to get better ASAP because he hates seeing you sick and in pain

He knows he could catch whatever you’ve got but he doesn’t care: when you ask him to cuddle you, he’s all too eager. You spend most of the week as you recover with his arms around you, his head on your chin, your head on his chest, his voice low and vibrating in your ear as he mumbles and tells you his favourite riddles

It doesn’t matter that your brain is too fogged and tired to understand riddles right now, hearing him recite them is enough to bring a small smile to your face because it’s just so… him.

You wear one of Eddie’s hoodies or jumpers when you’re feeling shivery and feel so comforted by it because it smells like him 💚

The two of you put some boring daytime television shit on and fall asleep to it together, curled up on the couch with a blanket 🥹

He helps you get to bed early after a dose of antibiotics, pulling the duvet over you as you doze off and pressing a kiss against your hot forehead; he stays by your side all night, barely sleeping himself, watching you and brushing your hair from your face as you sleep

The relief on his face when, the day after you start taking the medicine, you tell him your appetite is back and you’re feeling a little bit better is honestly so goddamn pure, his face lights up and he’s just so damn happy that you’re already doing better

Eddie does his research on what foods and drinks are good for sore throats and fevers because of course he does, and he is all too happy to cook and make things for you to eat

He also goes out and buys a shit ton of sore throat sweets in your favourite flavour, like boxes and boxes of them, it’s really so endearing

Let’s be honest, being sick really fucking sucks - but it sucks a little less when you’ve got Eddie there with you, giving you cuddles and looking after you 💚

[glittergutts]

Hello, this a regularly scheduled health update!

I'm in a mood again. I feel like this happens a lot but yet I can't stop it. I just don't want to do anything. There's stuff I need to do I want done. Hell, there's even things I want to do but I just can't make myself do it. I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating either I just want to lay down for awhile but I know it would cut into the rest of my day and I would regret it. I guess either way I'm not accomplishing anything.

I wish I had some edible still they really help even out my moodiness. I've been wearing these stress patches with valerian, passion flower, and hops. So far I think it's helpful and I'm going to keep using them, also a sticker on my wrist I can't feel is a super easy way to do a little bit for my mental health. It's also the time of day where I need to take vitamins and my weekly vitamin d prescription. My twice daily antibiotics say not to take within 2 hours of vitamin supplements. So it's been tricky to remember a vitamin in the middle of the day. I think that could help restore some energy. Also if I just got up and ate something would probably help too...

I'm going to start taking omega 3 7 and 9s so *hopefully * I don't get the seasonal depression this year. My mood might not be great but I sure don't feel like I did when I was depressed. At least not yet? Anyways I'm trying to be proactive about that. Also when we pick up Loki next week I'll be outside walking him everyday along with using my elliptical so I just need an upper body work out and the exercise aspect of my health will be in check.

I've been doing really well at not buying junk food or not ordering junk when I go out. I've always struggled to maintain an appetite so sometimes I do eat junk just because it's better than eating nothing. I'm trying to be gentle with myself because it took a very long time to develop a realistic relationship with food for me. I'm down to 116 but I'm sure that's not accurate as I was dehydrated and needed to eat again. I only weigh myself about once a week because I'm scared to obsess over it. Also things are going well!! 24 pounds down just from healthy eating is amazing. Now that I'm exercising again I'm hopeful things will continue to improve.

My weight was causing health problems and I need to go back for more blood work I'm just hoping to lose enough weight to have actually resolved my problems by the time I go. I think my physical health in improving though just due to the fact I'm feeling better. I've even been able to skip the muscle relaxers and sleeping pills sometimes.

I've also gotten annoyed at the amount of pills I have to take (again) and so I've been trying things other than my prescriptions:

- Icey-hot is good on my back but I can't use it on my entire legs which sucks.

-Arnica pellets combined with ibuprofen seems to work better than either alone.

-Moon mints I'm very unsure of. They taste fucking awesome though.

- Essential oils are fun but no where near as helpful as people want you to believe.

I'm thinking about buying a melatonin vape because I'm so tired of all the pills. I have some that dissolve in your mouth but I don't like them.

I've also been drink clam magnesium drink for my muscles post work out and for better sleep. It's too soon to say if it helps. My muscles definitely feel weak but not sore? So maybe it's good.

Also I got these little silicone rings you clip on your septum that smells like lavender and the other one is lemon.

So I've been doing a lot of shit in addition to spiritual reading, meditation, sensory regulation, and other self care type things.

SO if I'm messed up it is not for lack of trying.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health Update

I had a phone call with my functional medicine doctor and it went well. I know we focused a lot on gut and hormone health (primarily insulin and cortisol), which can cause skin inflammation. But what ultimately causes both these issues is an inflammatory high sugar diet and stress. They don't just happen on their own (maybe in rare cases but I'm not going to claim that's my case). Stress and a bad diet make you more susceptible to gut inflammation and microbiome imbalances and high cortisol/insulin resistance.

The goal here is just to follow an anti-inflammatory diet and reduce stress. Every other goal is secondary. My diet has been good recently and I've been adding a lot of key anti-inflammatory foods like green tea, turmeric, black pepper, sweet potatoes, and fish. I've been eating less inflammatory foods as well. Of course I want to find a balance, I just want to establish that eventually. But I've been eating pretty anti-inflammatory. I did go out for some coffee and chocolate today and got some sweet potato chips. I might want to look into a less inflammatory savory snack. They're going to be having ice cream and hot dogs/burgers/fries/mozzarella sticks at work. I'm not big on ice cream, nor hot dogs/burgers, but I love mozzarella sticks. I might have some and it's going to be on a Friday which is when I normally have a treat. Again I'm going to find a balance. I'm just happy I know the type of diet to follow and what foods to add and the fact that I've been adding foods.

Despite my diet, however, I've had some skin inflammation. I know it's due to stress. Since I went back to work and started to be productive, that puts me in a much better mood. So I was less stressed in general, and my skin looks better. I know stress management is so important and I know it's something I need to work on. My flareups started in college when I was very stressed, and they recently got so bad since the war in Gaza started. Even worse since the start of this year. So I've been in a better mood this week thankfully. I've always been so bad at managing my stress, but if it means it's going to prevent me from a horrible flareup and re-experiencing the hell I've been going through since January, then I'm going to start now.

My doctor and I spoke about some supplements for gut healing and cortisol reduction. I know I want to reduce my cortisol, but I feel general stress management would be a much better approach than popping a pill. I can use something for anxiety relief if it goes through the roof. For gut health, again the main cause of gut inflammation in my case is an inflammatory diet and severe stress. I know some people have a microbiome imbalance because they were on multiple rounds of antibiotics, were not breastfed, were born via c-section, etc... But that doesn't apply to me and it's due to something that's 100% within my control. I did want a thing I can drink to help my gut, but not a supplement and doing so while knowing that diet and stress management are way more important. So I bought some unsweetened aloe juice. Aloe vera is great for gut inflammation. I had some in a shotglass and it tastes fine. A bit sour, but not awful. It's a nice addition to my anti-inflammatory diet and I don't mind the taste and it's great for the gut lining and general inflammation. I don't know if it's safe to consume in prolonged large doses, though.

I also bought some dental tape because it's apparently better than dental floss at cleaning between wider spaced teeth. I used the generic Walgreens brand and it feels like it cleans well. It scrubs. I use woven floss but this might actually be better. Fro my experience Glide floss does not clean well at all. I have some teeth that need to be scrubbed more than others, so this thick scrubby tape can help. I need heavy duty stuff for my teeth, along with my 300$ Sonicare toothbrush. Otherwise nothing else does the trick. It might be the spacing, it might be that I have genetically more porous teeth. But it's worth trying the tape out.

[jodilin65]

Feeling the best I’ve felt since I first got sick although I still have fatigue. It’s hard to say whether the fatigue is post-recovery or just the way I usually am. I still think my TSH has risen but now that I’m back on the vitamin D every few days, that should help. I feel chilled at times but Tom thinks it’s just because it takes longer than you realize to fully recover. But this is the least nauseous I’ve been since getting sick so I’m glad for that much. My hair and skin are dry but if my TSH is that high, it wouldn’t explain why my weight is still down. I think my weight will be going back up soon, though.

Best of all, I’m now pretty sure that I didn’t get a UTI. I think that because I took a little break from my probiotics and lady lube while sick that’s why I started feeling a burning sensation again. Either that or the one Nitrofurantoin I took last night was one seriously powerful pill along with the cranberry juice I’ve been drinking. I’ll know soon enough because if it flares back up, then that will make me think some things up.

I messaged Rhonda about it and the message wasn’t picked up until this afternoon. I then sent a second message asking that she cancel the antibiotic request and explained that I don’t think I have a UTI after all but if the symptoms return I’ll do an urgent video appointment.

More good news. I haven’t had to sleep with the nasal dilator and I haven’t snored in a while so I think the problem was the blood pressure medicine. Also, when I took my blood pressure earlier, it was 113/73, so I don’t think I really need to try anything else. As long as I watch what I eat I should be okay.

Even more good news. Yes, I have a few good things which is great. The only negative is my fatigue. The dishwasher is fixed and Tom was in and out of the plasma place in under an hour. We’ve also been making decent money online. Not move-to-Hawaii kind of decent but still decent. I even splurged on a small Temu order and got $33 worth of stuff that would have normally cost about $100 elsewhere. I got a couple of figurines, lip gloss, a 6-pack of G-strings, and another sticker to decorate the toilet seat with. Pictures will eventually show up on my secondary Facebook account. Just not of me wearing the G-strings of course. LOL.

One figurine is a fairy that sits on the edge of a shelf, windowsill, table, or wherever you want to put her. The other is a German shepherd and while I may not be a dog fan, it seems to be a really nice and realistic sculpture.

The good news still goes on…although it’s delayed a month, I got a call from my ENT’s office saying that the doctor will be in surgery during my appointment and it was bumped up to late April at a time that fits into my schedule much better. So now I don’t have to stress over that.

And the last bit of good news is that the honker’s company left. Seems that way anyway. Tomorrow I’ll take a chance when I crash and not blast the sound machine so loud and hope he stays off the motorcycle. There shouldn’t be any thunderstorms to worry about but I’d rather Mother Nature than human assholes.

Saw a crime documentary about a guy in the UK who went down for 8 years for cyberstalking people for years. They talked about his childhood, how he didn’t know he was autistic at the time, how he felt bullied and alienated, and how many (not all) are a problem in society and use their autism as an excuse to give people so much grief. I know not all of them are trouble but I think that many of them know exactly what they’re doing but instead of doing something to better themselves, they use their condition as a ticket to act out. And OMG, the inappropriately intense emotions and paranoia! It seems that where most people would get moderately upset over something more serious, these people will go ballistic over next to nothing.

[aturnipsingularity]

Okay, so I've had some time to eat and settle down after work. Sorry for the radio silence for so long tbh I kind of forgot about logging back on. Life's been pretty busy between surgery for one my dogs, medical developments for the other, changes at work, etc. Things in general are pretty hectic. My 9 y/o dog had to get all of his teeth removed, and he's doing great. He's running around, he's happy, and his tongue sticks out of the side of his mouth now. And when he eats or licks things, he reminds me of Gene Simmons. My 14 y/o dog was supposed to have the same surgery for an abscess in his jaw, but unfortunately cannot bc of a mass in his lung that we also cannot look further into due to complications with anesthesia. The good news is that the mass does not seem to be getting larger, and it's most likely just another lump he has (he already has a lot of fatty tumors, it's very common for his breed). The bad news is he'll have to be on three different medications for the rest of his life, and he hates pills. He also has a heart murmur, but it is stable. It's better than the alternative. He doesn't appear to be in any pain right now, and is a bit more active since he's lost some weight (all due to a new diet and exercise, not bc of any medical issues). He'll be on a rotating round of antibiotics, a medicine to keep fluid off of his lungs, and a medication to help his heart beat. He's basically been diagnosed as old as balls. Heart murmur, bad teeth, lung fluid, arthritis, the works. He's missing the tip of one of his ears from being bitten by several animals over the years. His eyes are cloudy, and one is scarred over from a separate injury (he scratched his eye with his dewclaw). He's got moles in weird places. He's had a very long life. Doctors say he should be fine for awhile longer, but I do worry about losing him. I think that's pretty normal to feel. He was the first dog I had ever had, and he means the world to me. I'll be heartbroken when he eventually goes. Besides dealing with a bunch of expensive medical drama, I've had shit at work I've been dealing with. Schedule changes, coworkers switching shifts, changing crews, and taking on new responsibilities. I work nights as a cleaner, and I work with, at max, three other people at any given time. So, any change with coworkers is a lot. I had to learn a lot of new things to lead a new crew, and I'm doing my best with minimal training. We're finding our footing, and I really hope that I can make things the best I can for the people I work with. It's less management and more of a group leader role, so I understand that I am really only the mouth piece for a boss I rarely see. It's stressful sometimes, and having to communicate with my boss primarily through text isn't always ideal. My new coworkers have been really cool and understanding though, and the pay raise was really needed. I don't make a lot, and I have to be really careful to be able to pay my bills. But it's better than nothing.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

288 of 2023

Created by brelee

You're undecided on what you want to do with your hair. It's raining, so you have the window open. You just got a book you're excited to read. You're trying to read more. You take multiple medications daily. You already decorated for Christmas. You have multiple upcoming appointments. You have to take your pet to the vet soon. You recently received a psychological exam. (last year, though) You are almost done Christmas shopping. You found out something you'll be receiving and you're excited about it. You've been stepping out of your comfort zone more. You're annoyed by the increasing prices. You went to a Christmas event recently. You are dreading Thanksgiving dinner. You have several things to cook for Thanksgiving. You are planning a trip to see family soon. You've been eating a ton of sweets recently. Your favorite drinks are chamomile tea and/or oat milk lattes. Your favorite food recently has been avocado toast. So far, your health has been improving. Mentally, you're in a better place but have a lot of healing left to do. You just found out that one of your health conditions has improved greatly and you no longer have it. (omg I wish) You just got over sinusitis (sinus infection) You struggle with a congested head often. You are currently taking antibiotics. You have to take multiple allergy pills a day. You are way behind on house chores. You're trying to work up the nerve to start driving again. You've been watching a lot of American football recently. You want to start a new tv show but nothing seems interesting. You listen to music most of the day. You're excited for Spotify Wrapped to come out soon. Sometimes, the holidays seem depressing. You rarely ever celebrate any holidays but just do it for family. You need to see a dentist but cannot afford to. You're struggling with your beliefs. You really want to get a specific tattoo/piercing but it seems that is unlikely going to happen. You're very angry about local politics. You wish you could move to another country or at least a better state. You've been changing your eating habits to improve your health. You just bought a new jacket and sweater for the winter. You can't find your favorite boots anywhere. You've been quite distracted and forgetful recently. You're considering switching doctors. You need to see a gynecologist but are too scared to make the appointment. You're continuing to gain weight for unspecified reasons. You're scared for the future. You try to find the positive in things but you're just a natural pessimist/realist. You just got your sense of smell back and it's stronger than ever. You just found out you're allergic to one of your favorite foods. You bought up a bunch of your favorite food because there was a sale. You need to catch up on your sleep. One of your least favorite things about the weather changing is how dry your skin and lips get. You're looking forward to the cooler weather to finally settle in.

[halforc-mercenary]

𝔐𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔢𝔳𝔞𝔩 𝔐𝔢𝔡𝔦𝔠𝔦𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔓𝔩𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔰: From A To Y

Aloe: Greek physician Dioscorides recommended aloe externally for wounds, hemorrhoids, ulcers and hair loss. Pliny prescribed it internally as a laxative.  Angelica (Wild Celery): Angelica leaf necklaces were worn as protection against illness and witchcraft. Angelica was reputed to be the only herb witches never used and its presence in a woman's garden or cupboard was successfully used as a defense against charges of witchcraft. Gilbert Anglicus' Compendium of Medicine gives the following prescription for using angelica as a cough remedy: And if the cough is of sticky thick phlegm, give him a syrup made with horehound, the root of fennel, radish, wild celery and anise. Anise: Hippocrates recommended anise to help clear mucus from the respiratory system. It was also recommended by other renowned physicians as a breath freshener, digestive aid, a cure for "hicket" (hiccups), headache, asthma, insomnia, nausea, lice and infant colic. Anise was so popular in medieval England as a spice, medicine and perfume that in 1305 Edward I placed a special tax on it to raise money to repair London Bridge.  Apple: Hildegard of Bingen prescribed raw apples as a tonic for healthy people and cooked apples as the first treatment for any sickness.  Balm (Melissa): Lemon balm and bee balm were prescribed for nervousness and anxiety in the form of Melissa water or Eau de Melisse. Recommended for treatment of insomnia, arthritis, headache, toothache, sores, digestive problems and cramps, balm was considered to be something of a cure-all. Greek physicians recommended applying balm leaves to wounds and added the herb to wine to treat a variety of illnesses. Pliny prescribed it to stop bleeding.  Basil: The ancient physicians disagreed on the merits of basil. Dioscorides and Galen warned that taking basil internally would cause insanity and the spontaneous generation of internal worms. Pliny used it to treat stomach ailments. Hildegard of Bingen used basil in a concoction that included powder from a vulture's beak to treat tumors.  Blackberry: Blackberry was also known as "goutberry" as its most popular use was as a treatment for gout. Leaves and bark were chewed for bleeding gums, leaves were applied to the skin to sooth burns and scalds. Blackberry syrup was recommended for treatment of dysentery.  Buckthorn: Buckthorn became popular around the 13th century and was primarily used to purge the body of "foul humors". Buckthorn bark seeped in water produced a powerful laxative. It was also recommended for jaundice, hemorrhoids, gout and arthritis.  Burdock: In the 14th century burdock leaves were used to treat leprosy. Hildegard of Bingen used it to treat cancerous tumors. Burdock root was also prescribed for fever, ringworm and skin infections.  Caraway: Caraway seeds were recommended for the treatment of indigestion, gas and infant colic. Gilbertus Anglicus prescribed the following decoction for a syrup to treat ailments of the lungs:  Take barley water which has been strained, raisins, violets, jujube, seed of melon and gourd, wheat starch, licorice, black plums, fennel root, parsley, wild celery, anise, caraway, and make thereof a syrup. That is to say, seep all these in water until the virtue of them be in the water. Then strain it and add sugar or honey. And then set it over the fire to steep softly. Then take the white of four eggs and beat them well and add them. And always skim it until it is clear. Then take it down and strain it clean so that no dregs remain therein. Put it in a closed vessel. Chamomile: Used to treat headaches, kidney, liver and bladder problems and as an aid for digestive upsets.  Cinnamon: Hildegard of Bingen recommended cinnamon to treat colds, flu, cancer and "inner decay and slime." Coltsfoot Used for treating coughs, wheezing, shortness of breath, fever and inflammation. 

Comfrey: Boiling comfrey root in water produced a thick paste in which cloth was soaked and then wrapped around broken bones. Internally, comfrey was used for treating respiratory and gastrointestinal problems. Dandelion: Dandelion was prescribed to treat colds, boils, ulcers, dental problems, itching, jaundice and gallstones.  Dill: Digestive aid and gas remedy. Also a cure for hiccups. From Gilbertus Anglicus' Compendium of Medicine this treatment for squinacy (quinsy):  But if a postem be of phlegm, after his blood-letting and his purging, make him a gargle of sap from a hazelnut tree, dill, poppy, either the water that bark from a nut or mulberry tree has been seeped in, or the juice of bittersweet, with dried honeysuckle leaves and aloe.

Elecampane: Prescribed to treat coughs, bronchitis, asthma and indigestion.  Fennel: The ancient physicians prescribed fennel to treat infant colic, as an appetite suppressant and recommended the seeds to nursing mothers to boost milk production. Pliny believed that fennel was a cure for eye problems, including blindness. Hildegard of Bingen recommended fennel for treating colds, heart ailments and to aid in good digestion and body odor. Folk healers mixed fennel with strong laxatives such as buckthorn to counteract intestinal cramps.  Fenugreek: Fenugreek seeds mixed with water was used as a salve to soothe inflamed or irritated tissue. Internally, it was used to treat fever and digestion and respiratory ailments. Gilbertus Anglicus considered a plaster using fenugreek (femigreke) in combination with a gargle made of other ingredients to be somewhat of a cure-all:  Good for every postem both within a man's body and without: Take the root of hollyhock and lily roots and seep them in water. Then crush them with fresh grease and butter and add meal of flax seed (linseed) and fenugreek and snails and crush them together. And give him a gargle of vinegar that barley has lain in and water that pomegranate or sumac or roses or oak galls or lentils have soaked in. Garlic: Greek and Roman physicians recommended garlic for infections, wounds, cancer, leprosy, heart problems, colds, and epilepsy among many other ailments. In the middle ages the upper class shunned the use of garlic, but the peasantry viewed it as a preventative medicine and cure-all.  Horehound: First used in ancient Rome as an ingredient in poison antidotes lead medieval Europeans to believe horehound provided protection from witches' spells. Hildegard of Bingen considered it one of the best herbs for colds. Galen was the first to recommend horehound for coughs and respiratory problems.  Hyssop: Prescribed for use in a tea for coughs, wheezing and shortness of breath and in plasters and salves for chest decongestion. Hildegard of Bingen recommended a meal of chicken stewed in hyssop and wine as a treatment for depression.  Licorice: Hippocrates recommended licorice for cough, asthma and other respiratory diseases. Hildegard of Bingen prescribed it for stomach problems. 

Mint: Spearmint was the original medicinal mint and was used to aid in digestion and the treatment of gout. In Gilbertus Anglicus' Compendium of Medicine the following treatment is recommended for "stinking of the mouth":If there be no rotten flesh, let the mouth be washed with wine that birch or mint has been soaked in. And let the gums be well rubbed with a rough linen cloth until they bleed. And let him eat marjoram, mint and parsley til they be well chewed. And let him rub well his teeth with the herbs he chewed and also his gums. Motherwort: Used to treat heart palpitations and depression; later to stimulate contractions during childbirth.  Myrrh: Myrrh was valued primarily as an oral treatment for bleeding gums, mouth ulcers and sore throat. It was also used as an expectorant for colds and congestion. Oregano: Used as a digestive aid, arthritis treatment, expectorant for cough, colds and chest congestion.  Parsley: Galen prescribed parsley for epilepsy and as a diuretic to treat water retention. Hildegard of Bingen recommended parsley compresses for arthritis and parsley boiled in wine for chest and heart pain. Pennyroyal (Fleabane) Pliny first discovered that when rubbed on the skin or strewn, pennyroyal repelled fleas. He also recommended it as a cough remedy and digestive aid. Taken with honey, pennyroyal was said to cleanse the lungs and clear the chest of "all gross and thick humors".  Roses: Hippocrates recommended rose flowers mixed with oil for diseases of the uterus. Hildegard of Bingen prescribed rose hip tea as the initial treatment for many complaints including headache, dizziness and cramps. For difficulty in swallowing, Gilbertus Anglicus recommended a syrup called "honey roset" which consisted of a pound of minced roses soaked in a pound of honey over a fire. 

Rosemary: In 1235 Queen Elizabeth of Hungary became paralyzed. According to legend, a hermit soaked a pound of rosemary in a gallon of wine for several days then rubbed it on her limbs, curing her. Rosemary/wine combinations became known as Queen of Hungary's Water and were used externally to treat skin problems, gout, dandruff, and prevention of baldness. Saffron Rare in Europe until after the Crusades, by the 14th century saffron was recommended to treat jaundice, insomnia and cancer.  Sage: Sage was considered to be something of a cure-all. Pliny prescribed it for snakebite, epilepsy, intestinal worms and chest ailments. Dioscorides recommended using sage leaves as bandages for wounds. Gilbertus Anglicus recommends the following for aching eyes:  And if it (the ache of the eyes) comes of phlegm purge it as I told in the headache and in other sicknesses of the head. And if it be of melancholy, purge it. And afterward let him be stood over a stew five or seven times, that is made of wormwood, betony, fennel, sage, flowers of thyme, chamomile flowers, melilot flowers, hock, and wild celery. All these must be soaked in wine and water together, half wine and the other half water. And let him hold his eyes and his head over the stew. And afterward take a linen cloth or cotton and wet in the water. And anoint there with his eyes.  St. John's Wort Early: physicians prescribed St. John's Wort taken internally with wine as a cure for poisonous snakebite and externally as a treatment for burns. Christians believed that St. John's wort repelled evil spirits and burned it in bonfires on St. John's Eve to purify the air, drive away evil spirits and ensure healthy crops.  Thyme: Thyme was used as a cough remedy, digestive aid and treatment for intestinal worms. Hildegard of Bingen favored it for skin problems. Thyme was also recommended to those who suffered from depression; they were advised to sleep on thyme-stuffed pillows. Gilbertus Anglicus recommended the following involved treatment for a soft spleen: For softness of the spleen, if it be of cold humors give him oximel (medicine made of two parts vinegar and one of honey) to defy the humors.  Afterward give him iera pigra Galieni (a decoction made of valerian, cinnamon, saffron, camel hay, hazelwort, bark of cassia and balsa, violets, wormwood, roses, gourds and aloes among other spices) to purge the humors.  After the third day treat with a bath of hot herbs such as oregano, mint, horehound, thyme, rosemary and such others. And the next day let him bleed under the ankle in the underside of the left foot. And make him hot plasters of rue, celandine, and nettles to consume the humors and lay to the spleen. Valerian: Ancient physicians recommended valerian as a diuretic, antidote to poisons, for pain relief and as a decongestant. Hildegard of Bingen prescribed it as a tranquilizer and sleeping aid.  Vervain: In the middle ages healing herbs were called simples. Vervain was prescribed so often and for so many different ailments that it became known as "simpler's joy." It was recommended for fever, tumors, blood infections, toothache, and acne among many other ailments.

 Yarrow: Used to treat inflammations, to stop bleeding, as a digestive aid, for pain relief and as a mild sedative.

[hb-writes]

It's Almost Over

Summary: Mia’s recovering from an illness and wishes nothing more than to have a father who doesn’t care about antibiotic resistance.

Characters: Carlisle Cullen & Mia Cullen (OC)

Content Warning: Nasty-tasting medications (I get shivers just thinking about it tbh).

A/N: Requested - Prompt: It’s almost over. 

750 Follower Thank You Requests are open until April 8th!

Her throat felt better. No longer did it feel as though Mia was swallowing jagged shards of glass each time she tried to speak. She could see in the mirror that all of the tea and soup and rest had done its trick. She supposed the antibiotic had done its trick as well, but Mia tried her best not to think of the thrice-daily routine of swallowing down that vile liquid. 

Her fever was down. Her appetite was returned. Perhaps she should still have been up in her room resting the days away, but her mother hadn’t said a word while watching her pull on a jacket and head outside to join her siblings in tossing a football around the backyard. 

Mia’s whole body slumped when she heard her father’s voice from the back steps. Sure, her mother could permit her exertion when she was meant to be resting, but if the resident doctor, if her father, didn’t think it was appropriate…

“Dad, I’ve taken it easy all day. I’m feeling, oh—”

The orange bottle in Carlisle’s hand spoke well enough that he didn’t need to explain anything, not that his presence wasn’t meant to ward her off a little fresh air, only to remind her of her next dose. 

Mia didn’t truly need reminding, especially not now that she was mostly feeling well. She was capable enough to monitor the clock and take the medicine as prescribed, but nevertheless, she’d become avoidant of the task which Carlisle took very seriously knowing what he did about antibiotic resistance and all. 

Carlisle watched his daughter deflate further, grasping onto the football as if by holding it she would be tethered to the grass, kept in play, and kept away from him and the dreaded medicine. 

They likely could have sidestepped this issue altogether if they had called the primary care physician to request a script for the antibiotic be written for the pill form rather than liquid, but Mia had agreed it wasn’t worth the fuss. She was nearly an adult, after all. She could tolerate a little medicine. She could endure the thick, chalky, bitter liquid for a few days. 

Truthfully, Mia hadn’t minded until she started feeling better. She had been barely aware of the taste in the first few days, more concerned with the pain of swallowing, but now that she was feeling well enough, the ritual taking place every eight hours was becoming tedious. 

Torturous. Intolerable. Unnecessary. Disgusting. Harrowing. Vexing. Repugnant. Offensive.

Mia had come out with a stream of words to describe it in recent days hoping to sway her mother and father from their insisting that she continue with the regimen. Mia had no such luck. Carlisle and Esme were unrelenting in their opinion on the matter. 

“It’s almost over,” Carlisle said when she remained fixed on the grass. He had no true way of knowing that she was considering getting herself lost out in the woods as an alternative, but Carlisle knew his daughter. He could see the hesitation in her. 

Mia groaned, tossing the football to Emmett with all of her strength before moving towards the back steps where her father stood pouring out the pink liquid. 

“Just a few more doses,” he offered. 

“I feel fine though. Can’t we just–”

Carlisle was poised to explain the science behind antibiotics and their misuses, the dangers of prematurely ending a regimen. He even looked a bit excited at the opportunity even though he’d already discussed it several times in the proceeding days.

Mia held her hand out, a silent, yet entirely clear, message of ‘no, thank you,’ offered as she accepted the small dosage cup.

“I know, I know. A full course helps ensure that all of the illness-causing bacteria are killed. Blah blah bl—” 

Mia shivered as she swallowed down the liquid, her whole body convulsing with disgust in response to the vile taste and consistency in her mouth. She traded the dosage cup for the large glass of water Carlisle held out to her.

Carlisle had to smirk as Mia went through the little routine. It reminded him of when she was small. She’d been a terror about taking medicine then, too.

“How many more?” Mia asked after she swallowed down the last of the water.

“Two days.” 

“I’ll finish it,” Mia said as if there was a choice to be had and she was granting her father a grand concession, “but I’m not going back to school until we’re through.” 

“I think that’s appropriate.” 

Mia’s head shook again, a tremor passing through her as she sensed a bit of the lingering taste. Carlisle took the cup from her. 

“It’s the absolute worst taste in the world.”

Carlisle’s face held a smile, but he couldn’t hide the small shake of his head. 

“You think I’m being dramatic?” Mia asked.

Carlisle held up his hand, using his thumb and pointer finger to indicate that he believed she was being a little dramatic. 

“But I shall allow it…for two more days at least.” 

Twilight (We Intertwined) Masterlist

750 Follower Thank You Requests are open until April 8th!

[erimeows]

Feverish

You were surprised to have been called to the med bay a little bit past nine in the evening, woken up by your phone ringing and Ratchet on the other end. You clutched your robe close to your body as you raced through the hallway, sleep in your eyes and worries in your head.

The lead medic had given you no explanation, only telling you to come meet him outside of the med bay as soon as you could before he hung up on you.

You wondered if it was an emergency, if someone was injured or dying, if something had happened during patrol- Wait, no. Their night patrols didn’t start for another hour or so, and if it had been an emergency, someone like Bumblebee or Optimus would’ve called you in a panic.

Still, the whole situation was weird, and you were worried, so when you saw Ratchet outside of the med bay leaning against one of the walls, you immediately approached him with your concern etched in your features. 

Upon seeing you, Ratchet stood up straight, then put a strong servo on your shoulder in a reassuring manner before looking down at you. His pale blue optics burned into your (e/c) eyes, and though you tried your best, you couldn’t read his expression.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the medic spoke.

“Optimus Prime has fallen ill.”

“What?” You immediately sputtered, and your eyes flew to the door of the med bay; closed, you couldn’t even see Optimus. You just prayed that he was okay. In the time that you’d known the Prime and his team, you’d seen him injured or sick plenty, though the former was much more common. He never prioritized his own health and tried to push himself to do things, even when he was unwell, so he took forever to recover... Hopefully it wasn’t something severe. “How bad is it? Is he awake? Have you told the team yet?”

“Hey, hey, slow down. It’s nothing crazy, (y/n), so don’t worry,” Ratchet’s words, said in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, soothed you, if only a little. If it were serious or ‘crazy’ as he put it, he would’ve told you directly instead of lying, so you believed him. “This morning, I was the first to wake and go into the kitchen to make myself an energy booster when I saw him stumble in... As in, he was literally stumbling over himself and I could see steam rolling off of him from overheat. He insisted he was fine, but something was off, so I dragged him to the medbay for testing. He’s low on energon and coolant, he was overheating, and there was a minor glitch in his vents from some battle damage that I had to fix. He’s recovering fine, but my main concern is that his chassis seems to be overheating to kill an infection. I think it’s just your run-of-the-mill space bug based on the labs I did, so I gave him some antibiotics.”

“You didn’t answer some of my questions-” You started, now concerned with whether you could actually go and see Optimus or not.

It wasn’t uncommon for the red and blue bot to ignore his own needs, but for him to have ignored symptoms that could’ve turned into something much worse had Ratchet not caught them... You wondered if there was something bothering Optimus that was making him neglect himself, more than he usually would.

“So demanding, you youngin’s,” Ratchet huffed and rolled his optics at you. “It’s not that bad, he’s awake, and no, I haven’t told the others yet. Our nightly patrol is soon and I have to break the news to them somehow, which is why I called you here. You can’t go with us anyway and they need me since we’re down one bot, so I want you to stay with Prime. He responds the best to you...” You blinked and then blushed at that, (s/c) cheeks burning bright. It was true that you and Optimus were close, but for Ratchet to acknowledge it like that... Well, you were flattered. You’d loved Optimus for as long as you could remember, and even though Ratchet surely meant that in a platonic way, it was nice to know that the effort you put into your relationship with the bot meant something. “His condition isn’t from a decline in his physical health- I had to pry like hell to find out what it was, but Prime finally broke and told me that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten an energon cube or ran a self-evaluation to make sure he was functioning properly, which is why he’s energy-depleted and why the damage to his vents went unchecked. He’s so stressed from the leadership that this team needs that he isn’t taking care of himself anymore, and now, it’s led to him falling sick again. I think there’s something else going on in that processor of his, too, but he wouldn’t tell me anything else... I just know it’s more mental than anything.”

You stopped, frowning. What else could Optimus be hiding from everyone? Was he doing something dangerous? Had something happened? Was he breaking down from stress?

“O-Oh.. Okay,” You mumbled and leaned into the servo of Ratchet’s that was on your shoulder, sighing when he ran his thumb over a sore spot on the groove between said shoulder and your collar. The two of you had developed a close bond over the past couple years since they’d been on earth, with you, Sari’s tutor and caretaker, also acting as a second medic for the team with Ratchet’s training. While he’d trained you in how to care for the Autobots, you’d given him the basics of human anatomy and medical care, so with that time spent together, you were close- whether the old grump admitted it or not. “What about his medicine? How often does he take it? Is there anything else I need to do?”

“One pill every six human hours, they’re the white gel capsules that are rationed out on the table by Prime’s med-berth. I just gave him a dose, so don’t get him another one until three in the morning. He also needs to drink plenty of energon, coolant, and lubricant to get better, so make him do it, even if he gets pissy with you- shove it down his throat if you have to... But those are all things that I already told him, and he’s fully capable of taking care of himself. I don’t need you in there to take care of him so much as I need you to stay in there to make sure he doesn’t get up and do anything stupid. You know how he gets when he’s sick.”

“Unfortunately, I do...” You let out a long sigh and crossed your arms over your chest. It was going to be hard dealing with Optimus- hell, you could already imagine how he would be trying to sneak out of the med bay to go on patrol or trying to make you bring paperwork for him to do. You wouldn’t allow either, but considering how much larger he was than you, you’d have to convince him to relax instead of just being able to hold his aft down like Ratchet or Bulkhead could. “I’ll make sure he stays put. I’m assuming you’re taking over leadership until he recovers, Ratchet?”

“As the team medic, I’m second in command, so yeah... I have to. I’d let Prowl do it, but Primus knows he doesn’t want to, and I wouldn’t let Bumblebee or Bulkhead within a ten mile radius of any form of responsibility like this. I’m really the only option.”

“Right...” You imagined what a patrol without Optimus, led by a stressed and grouchy Ratchet would be like, and then cringed. “Good luck.”

“Thanks. I’ll need it.”

With that, Ratchet withdrew his servo from your shoulder and waved at you before turning around and walking down the hallway. You figured that Optimus shouldn’t be left alone for too long, so you quickly entered the med bay and shut the door behind you.

It was dark, with a small night light plugged into the walls that illuminated the room just a bit. You could see Optimus, who looked uncharacteristically pathetic, weakly laying on a med berth with a small side table on the ground next to him. On the table were some energon sticks, a cup of coolant, and the white pills that Ratchet had mentioned. 

“(y/n), is that you?” Optimus asked, trying to sit up, but immediately groaning in what you assumed was pain and flopping back down. His eyes squeezed shut, a strained grimace taking over his face-plates. You pulled one of the stools by a wall-counter to the side of the room where Optimus’s berth was and put it right by his side table so you could sit by him. You were close to his face, so you leaned down to look at it as his optics slowly opened back.

He was sick, and it would take at least a few days if not a week to recover; you could tell just by looking at him. His ocean-hued optics were abnormally dark and foggy, his powder blue faceplates were stained dark with heat, and though he wasn’t steaming like Ratchet had described this morning, there was definitely still heat radiating from his frame.

“Yes, Optimus, it’s me... I’m here to watch over you,” You leaned in to kiss the top of his helm, able to feel just how hot the metal felt against you. When you pulled back, you frowned at the absurd amount of heat- almost hot enough to make your lips sting, while Optimus’s normal temperature was a bit cooler than that of an average human’s by a degree or two. “Ratchet called me down here and told me what’s going on a bit ago. The team’s on patrol right now.”

“Slag, I can’t believe Ratchet told you,” Optimus groaned again, this time in annoyance instead of pain. “I told him not to earlier when he was fixing my vents... He’s probably going to tell the rest of the team, too. I have to get up and go supervise the patrol-” He forced himself to sit up this time, forced back a wince, forced his optics to open fully, but the second you pressed a rushed hand to his chest plates and attempted to push him back, he froze.

“Oh, no you don’t!” You argued, eyebrows furrowing in frustration as a pout formed on your face. 

“Oh, yes I do!” The Autobot argued back without hesitation, but didn’t actually move to push your hand away or leave even though he was fully capable of doing so, only resting one of his servos on the one of yours that was on his chest- stumbling and overheating or not, he was much larger and much stronger than you. Then again, he probably knew that Ratchet would beat him to a pulp the second he recovered if he dared lay a single digit on you to escape the med bay. “As much as I appreciate the concern, I don’t want it nor do I need it, and I certainly don’t want it from my team. It’s bad enough that you know. I know they’ll start asking questions when I don’t go on patrol with them, and if they hear that I got sick from overexerting myself and not getting enough rest and energon, they’ll never let me hear the end of it-”

“Well, maybe that’s what you need, so lay your stubborn ass down! I did not come here with my hair all fucked up and in this stupid robe in the middle of the night when I could’ve been sleeping just to have you run away from me when I’m trying to take care of you! You getting up right now just drives home how bad you are about prioritizing yourself,” Optimus’s plump and normally soft lips, now chapped from dehydration, pulled together into a tight frown- it was the face he made when he knew he was in the wrong. “You’re getting out of your bed when you’re supposed to be resting so you can go lie to your team and tell them you’re fine when you’re not, and for what? Your pride?”

“No, I just don’t want them to worry for me. I’m already stressed out enough and the last thing I need is for that to contribute to their struggles. They’re all dealing with so many of their own problems, and I’m sick of being a burden to everyone around me...”

Optimus huffed, but gave up and laid back down, much to your relief. He still held your hand, though, and you let him- even if he was sick, you didn’t want him to let go.

“You’re not a burden, and just like how they’re dealing with their problems, you’re dealing with yours. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved and respected, and not to insult your acting skills, but... They won’t believe you if you walk out there overheating and struggling to stay standing to tell them that you’re perfectly fine. Ratchet told me how you were stumbling around this morning.”

“I hate that you’re right,” He mumbled, and you wondered why he always had to be so childish when he was sick. 

Then again, as much as you hated Optimus’s stubborn personality, it was a major component of who you’d gone and fallen in love with all that time ago. It was crazy, you thought; just the extent that you loved Optimus Prime to, and how terribly unaware he was of it. You thought it best to keep the fact hidden, as you didn’t know what his feelings were, and he had so much on his plate already... It hurt to think that he didn’t know how loved he was- not just by you, but by everyone around him, who he was always bending over backwards for, completely unaware that they’d do the exact same for him.

“And I hate that you treat yourself like this. Plus, as much as Ratchet threatens us all with consequences for our actions, he’s not going to tell them what’s going on in depth; just that you have a fever and that you’re resting, you know he respects patient confidentiality. He’ll probably even downplay it because he knows that’s what’ll make you happy.”

“No, you’re just trying to reassure me, but...” Optimus paused and let go of your hand, fully settling back into the berth. You took your hand back and looked off to the side, already missing his touch. “I know you want to, and that Ratchet probably told you to spend the night here and take care of me, but I’m alright now. I’ll stay and rest, I promise. You can go to your room to sleep, I know you’re usually not up this late, and I’d hate to keep you up with my problems.”

You didn’t really want to leave him, but you were tired, and you believed his words. His tone was genuine enough.

“Are you sure?” You asked and received a nod in return. So, you stood up and collected yourself. “Okay, if you’re sure... I’ll leave and go get some rest, then come back at three to give you your antibiotics and make sure you’ve got something on your stomach.”

Silence. 

The second you turned around to leave, though, Optimus was grabbing the back of your robe and holding the cloth between his digits, tone low as he spoke again.

“Actually, (y/n), wait... Don’t leave me. I need you.”

You turned back around and looked at him, confused. Hadn’t he just told you seconds before that he was fine and that you should leave to go get some rest so that he could fall into recharge as well? What was with the sudden change of heart? Was there something going on with his physical condition, or was it something else?

“Huh? But Optimus, you said you needed to rest...” You muttered, which earned you a shake of his head in return.

“I will,” Optimus promised. “Please, just stay and don’t question it. I lied to you, I don’t know why, but I can’t be alone right now. Don’t leave me.”

The plead from him was unexpectedly vulnerable, honest, open. You appreciated it, but at the same time, you were concerned about what exactly was going on with him- you felt like there was more to the story than stress and leadership and lack of self-care. While all of that was definitely in character for Optimus Prime, there was something else that he wasn’t telling you about, too. With how close you were to him, it wasn’t abnormal for you to have deeper discussions, but for him to admit that he wanted- no, needed you there with him and couldn’t be alone was something you’d never thought you’d hear in your lifetime.

“Okay, I’ll stay until you tell me to go, then. Thank you for being honest with me.”

With that, you sat back down on the stool and looked at him. A little bit of that light had returned to his optics, but he still seemed like he was in rough shape.

“Thank you.”

Silence again.

Instead of adjusting to get comfortable and slip into recharge, Optimus just sat there with his back against the board of the berth, optics trained on you. It had taken a while to get used to when you’d first met him, but nowadays, you were used to the Prime’s intensity, especially when it came to eye/optic-contact. Still, though, the way he was staring at you now... You couldn’t quite interpret it. Then again, could you usually? Optimus was hard to read sometimes.

“You’re not resting,” You teased, but received a serious response in return.

“I’m thinking, and then I’ll rest.”

“You’re sick, the last thing you need to be doing is overthinking like you always do,” You reached out to him, rested your palm on the side of his face and tenderly ran a thumb over the apex of his cheek. Surprisingly, he leaned into your touch with a smile.

“What if it pertains to you? It’s either I tell you and get my closure, which is daunting, or I sit here overthinking it like I always do.”

You felt your heart drop to the bottom of your stomach and flinched. It had been obvious that something was on his processor, but it had to do with you? What was it? Did it have to do with your feelings? Tense, you talked again.

“...Have I done something? I’d rather you tell me.”

“You’ve made me fall in love with you.”

The words were whispered but still felt so loud, filling the room with their impact in a way that made your cheeks hot and your heart beat hard against your chest.

“Your illness must be making you delusional,” You laughed nervously, but Optimus only gave you a sloppy grin and laughed. You moved your hand to the top of his helm to check his temperature, but it hadn’t changed- as much as you wanted to believe it, you were sure he was being serious and not having feverous hallucinations like you’d initially suspected. Still, you thought it proper to ask. “Do you feel hot? Are you overheating again?”

“No, (y/n), I’m just in love with you,” Optimus peered at you, smile falling a bit. “I mean, yes, I am sick, and I’m still overheating, but I’ve been in love with you for- Ah, I’m actually not sure how long it’s been... I just know it’s been too long.”

There was a pause, in which the two of you seemed to be processing what important things were said; in the span of just a minute or two, Optimus had boldly laid his feelings out for you on the table, unabashed and proud, the tension that came with two years worth of pining that you’d been doing solved so... Quickly. You were surprised you hadn’t felt your jaw hit the floor.

Had he really loved you the whole time? Or was this a recent development? Why was he only telling you now? Had his stress over his feelings for you also contributed to his sickness?

“I’m not sure I can talk about this in good conscience when you’re so vulnerable,” You smiled back at him, (e/c) eyes meeting his ocean-hued optics as you removed your hand from his head. Shyly, he reached out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. “It feels selfish, but... I love you, too, and that’s why I want you to rest and get better, maybe not stress out so much.”

You kissed the back of his servo as he pulled it away, earning what you hoped was a blush and not more symptoms of overheating.

“I’d kiss you if I weren’t afraid of getting you sick,” Optimus sighed. You were sure that you probably couldn’t catch whatever he had going on since he was a Cybertronian and you were human, but you didn’t want to test that theory, so you left it alone.

“It’s okay,” You reached out to hold one of his servos in both of your hands, squeezing reassuringly. “I can feel the sentiment. Just focus on getting better, okay? We have all the time in the world.”

“Sometimes I fear we don’t- Have all the time, I mean, and I suppose that’s why I finally broke down and did this- I like to believe I’m impervious to everything around me, but I’ve already died once, and every time I get sick, I always think about what will happen if I go offline without telling everyone around me just how much they mean. I didn’t want to be scared anymore, not when it came to you.”

“I...” You stood and got on top of the berth so you could sit next to Optimus, curling into his side. “Me, too.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?” The Prime asked and wrapped an arm around you. Gentle. Strong. Warm.

“Would you like me to be?” You asked in return with a tilt of your head.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll be here,” Optimus looked at you, clearly somewhat doubtful, but you only shook your head with a smile. “I promise, I won’t leave you. Just get some rest, okay?”

“...Okay.”

So, you stayed, and when Ratchet walked in the next morning to see you curled up by Optimus’s side on the berth with your (lip/chap)stick smeared on his servos, both of you sleeping peacefully for once, he couldn’t help but think that Optimus getting sick once in a while wasn’t so bad after all.

[kirstielol]

cat ramblings

so cooper finished his two weeks of antibiotics. he still has diarrhea. took him into the vet today (another $100 vet bill), and now we're testing to see if it's actually allergy related. we had to buy a bag of prescription hypoallergenic cat food (another $100) and he needs to eat strictly just that for the next week. i don't really how how i feel about that.. part of me hopes this doesn't help because if he needs to be on prescription allergy food the rest of his life not only is that going to be expensive, it's also going to be a hassle having to feed him different food than the rest of my cats. so idk, i do hope he gets better though :/ the vet said if this doesn't work then he'll have to go back in for some other tests.

and now zoe.. giving her medication absolutely sucks. as i've said before she's on 3 medications now for her heart disease.. one of them is 3x a day, one is twice a day, and one is just once. she hates them all. actually getting the medication in her isn't too hard, my boyfriend holds her and pets her and keeps her calm and i quickly use either a syringe or a pill applicator to quickly get it in her mouth. it's the aftermath that's extremely stressful.

the syringe and the quarter pill both make her foam at the mouth. then all 3 medications cause her to breath very heavily afterwards. she normally has trouble breathing because of her heart issue, even just walking down the hall causes her to get out of breath. she doesn't run around anymore, basically sleeps most of the time or sits still. the stress of giving her this medication is causing her to lose her breath, gasp for air, and yesterday she almost fainted on us. she can't walk properly, she drools as she's gasping for air, and her eyes look so terrified of what's going on. it's so heartbreaking.. i usually end up crying after giving her the medication every time..

idk what to do. we've planned to stick it out for the week, giving her the medication whenever we think she's in a calm position to do it, but it always ends the same. i was hoping maybe she'll get used to it and it won't cause this anymore. but so far that's not the case.

so i've been questioning.. is this medication worth the stress it's causing? it's supposed to be helping her heart condition, but the stress it puts her under must be bad for her heart.. so does it cancel out? we're going to have to talk to the vet about this. i'm so afraid that one of the times she's gasping for air her heart's just going to give out.

oh and one last thing, she's started a new symptom.. zoe's been gagging.. a lot. all day. like, making the motion of puking but nothing's coming out. we googled it and it's apparently a sign of late term heart failure. so that's awful. i'm afraid we're nearing the end with her.. and now this whole medication bullshit.. i feel like all we're doing is making it worse.

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, it is the first part of my 100 follower special, the other parts are coming shortly. I’ve been really wanting to a Hanahaki fic for awhile so here it is. I also want to do some different soulmate au’s so those will be coming soon! Love you guys so much xx

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death and blood

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell your friends your sick

Prompts

Masterlist

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(y/n)’s pov

“I know this diagnosis is scary, but we’ve got a quite few options now,” Dr. Shaw smiled, though it felt a little backhanded, “Not, the only way we can guarantee your safe recovery is removal of the infection, but the good news there are plenty of doctors in the city who know how to perform the surgery so it wouldn’t take us very long at all to get you in. Alternatively, having your feelings requited will lead to the infection dying off on its own, or, you can try to resolve your own feelings. If you’d rather pursue one of those then a good first step is talking to them, as scary as that may be.”

“Okay,” I have to let everything soak in for just a minute, “Is the surgery risky?” “The actual surgery is very safe, though it will lead to the removal of your feelings for that person. The only real risk is the chance that it prevents you from falling in love in the future.”

“What are the chances that happens?”

“It’s about fifty fifty, and unfortunately there isn’t really a way for us to tell if that will be you, it’s just a risk we have to take,” she clasps her arms in front of her, “I’m not asking you to decide today, you’ve caught this very early so we’ve got a bit of time to figure things out. Until then I can recommend a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, and there’s some antibiotics I can prescribe you that will help slow the infection.”

“Okay, thank you,” I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “I think maybe I’ll try and talk to him and work it out that way.”

She nodded, “Okay, most patients opt to try that first. We can still get you into surgery later if that doesn’t work out.”

“How late can I opt in?”

“Up until the infection starts spreading, once it’s outside of your lungs the surgery won’t do anything. However, if your feelings were to change at that point or your feelings are requited, there is still a chance you’d be able to pull through,” she began scribbling things onto a notepad, “That’s still far off right now, but this disease it unpredictable, so we’ll need you to come in every week for blood work and xrays. We’ll monitor everything very closely so we’ll know if we start getting close to the point of no return so to speak.”

“Alright, I guess straight to the pharmacy then?”

She nodded, “Good girl, and you call us if you need anything. If things feel like they’re accelerating or you start coughing up a lot straight to the hospital okay?”

I nod, “Okay, thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week.”

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I took the subway to the pharmacy stuck in an odd state of numbness. Part of me wanted to cry, or scream, but I just didn’t do anything. I’m in shock until the woman behind the pharmacy counter begins speaking to me.

“Alright sweetheart what can I do for you?” “Just getting this filled,” I hand her my prescription with a forced smile.

She takes the paper, squinting at it before frowning, “Oh my…” she types a few things and sighs, “I’ll be right back,” I drum my fingers nervously on the counter while I wait for her to return, finally she does carrying a little white bag, “I know this isn’t totally appropriate but I know they only prescribe this for one thing and…” she trails off for a second, starting to blush, “Well my girlfriend had Hanahaki’s too, and she was really scared, but she ended up telling me how she felt and it was great, she recovered just like that,” she offers me a sympathetic smile, “I know this is hard but you should talk to them, I’m sure whoever they are, they’ll at least want to help.”

It’s sweet of her to say, so I thank her and shove the bag in my purse on my way out. I’m sure Peter would want to help, but he’s with someone else, and they love each other. I don’t get to confess and clear things up and live happily ever after. I have to move on, it’s the only option for me. I’m not getting that surgery and risking never falling in love again. That’s not fair. Just because I fell for the wrong person this time I have to never love again? Or die? 

I’m tearing up when I get home, and unfortunately everyone is already over. 

Betty beams at me from the couch, “Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good,” my voice shakes a little, “They think it’s just, um, allergies. I’ve got some pills that should start clearing it up.”

She nods, though all of them look a little concerned, “You’re gonna be okay then right?”

I lie through my teeth, “Nothing life threatening.”

“Okay…” she seems to buy it, but I’m sure she’ll end up drilling me on it later, “You wanna join us then?” “Sure, just, uh, give me a second,” I retreat to my bedroom, dumping my purse and jacket before clutching myself tight. I just want to cry, but I have to wait, everyone’s going to know something is wrong if I try to hide out.

I return to the living room after consoluling myself for a minute, taking a seat besides Betty on the couch, “We ordered pizza,” MJ smiles, “I got that veggie one I was telling you about.”

“Hope it’s good,” I bite my cheek, I feel guilty even talking to her.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it,” she insists. 

Betty’s eyes bore into me suspiciously, “Are they really sure it’s just allergies?”

I nod, “Of course Betty, I promise I don’t need a lung transplant or something.”

“Are you sure?” she presses, “There was blood.”

“Blood?” MJ raises a brow.

Betty nods, “Yeah, she was coughing up blood last night, that’s why she even went to the doctor. It seemed worse than allergies.”

“My throat was just dry,” I try to explain, “I promise I’m fine, it’s just something in the air right now.”

“Okay,” she lets up, “But if you do need a lung transplant I’ve got you.”

“And maybe if you give (y/n) one of your lungs you two will get some sort of psychic connection,” Ned interjected, “I bet they’d make a tv show about you guys.”

Everyone starts laughing, and for the first time that day I let myself glance up at Peter. He’s so pretty, and so is his laugh, but before I can appreciate either of those things I start coughing. It’s an almost instant reminder that I can’t do that. Something tickles in my throat so I quickly stand up.

“Are you okay?” Peter frowns at me. I nod quickly, “Just need some water,” I cover my mouth with my hand as I struggle to pour myself some water. 

I bend over the sink to make sure none of them can see the petal I cough up. I know it must be a begonia. Last finals week was really stressful for me, and in the middle of the week Peter had dragged me away from the cave I was studying in to relax for a while. He took me to this cute little market and bought me some flowers while we were out, begonias.

I shove the petal down the garbage disposal and wash away the blood, I’ll have to figure out what to do when I start coughing up more, full flowers too. 

“Are you sure you're good?” Betty questions when I stand back up, I swear she has xray vision or something. 

“Yeah, better now,” I take a big swig of my water, “I’ll be good as new in a few days.”

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“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Morrison picks a notebook up off her desk. She seems very nice, I just hope she’ll be able to help me work through some of my feelings, “I’m really glad you came here, therapy can be scary, especially in your situation, so coming here is already a step in the right direction.”

“Thanks, I’m still a little nervous, but anything to help.”

She gives one kurt nod and glances down at her notepad, “Absolutely. I’d like to know what your intention is here so I can know how to help you best. Do you intend to get surgery?” I shake my head, “No, I’m not gonna get the surgery. I want to just try and move on.”

“Alright, is this person aware of your feelings?”

I shake my head, “No, he’s with someone else so that isn’t really an option for me.”

She nods, “Okay, can I ask his name?”

“Peter.”

“Peter,” she repeats, scribbling a few things down, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is he aware that you're sick?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why’s that?”

“I know they’d ask who and I don’t know what to tell them yet, and it’s still new. I mean I want to tell them eventually, but I think I still need some time.”

“Of course, you need to process everything first, that’s perfectly reasonable. I do encourage you to tell them though, having a good support system is going to help you feel a lot better, and you can always let them know you just don’t feel comfortable telling them who it is.”

“I will.”

She smiled, “So, what do you like about Peter?”

I blush, “Everything I guess, he’s smart and he’s funny and I always feel really good when I’m with him. I don’t know, we just kind of click.”

“You two spend a lot of time together?”

I nod, “Yeah, we hang out all the time, I probably see him more than my actual roommate.”

“How would you feel about spending less time together?”

“He’s my best friend, why would I do that?”

“Separation is going to help you move on, I’m not saying stop being friends or avoid him, but giving yourself space from him is going to be good for you.”

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I feel like therapy went well, I feel more hopeful when we finish, although I’m definitely tired. She told me the goal is to get me really comfortable with my feelings so I can move on. I decided to set myself a goal afterwards, I want to tell Betty before my next session, a week from today. I can’t hide it from her for too long anyway, we live together after all, and she’s already convinced there’s something more than just allergies going on. I debate even telling her when I get home, but Peter and Ned are in the living room, and I’m still not sure I’m ready.

“Hey,” Peter smiles to me as I walk in, “How was work?” “Fine. I didn’t realize you guys were coming over.”

“Oh yeah, we’re going to the movies. You should come, MJ is gonna meet us there.”

Dr. Morrison said separation is good, and I don’t really want to be their fifth wheel anyway.

“I think I’ll stay home,” I clutch my purse nervously, “Thanks for offering though.”

His lips pulled to a slight frown, “You sure? MJ picked some weird art film, it’d be more fun if you came.”

“Yeah, work was actually pretty tiring and I still have a bit of homework…”

“Okay,” his cheeks just barely dust pink, “Next time then?”

I nod, “Of course, you guys have fun,” I scurried to my room as quick as I could.

I don’t know what exactly made me start crying, I mean I’ve cried every night this week so maybe it’s just the overwhelming feelings again, but I think it was Peter. I don’t want to have to pull away from my best friend, I just wish I loved him the way I was supposed to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it just makes me feel gross. 

I end up hiding out until they leave, then I return to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and comfort food. I calm down a bit, but I’m still a little teary eyed when I pass out on the couch. I don’t know how long I get to sleep for, but what ends up waking me up is the front door opening. I peer through groggy sleepy eyes, expecting to find Betty, ready to scold me for not going to bed.

What I didn’t expect was Peter. 

He bent down beside me and set a hand on my cheek, “Wake up sleepy head, I know this couch isn’t that comfortable.”

“Hey,” I yawn before rolling onto my back, I push my arms up in an attempt to push the sleepiness out of my body, “Where is everyone?”

“Betty is back at mine and Ned’s, I came by just to talk to you, but it can wait,” he smiles and offers me a hand, “Come on bunny, I’ll take you to bed.”

I shake my head, “I’m up, what did you want to talk about?”

He blushes, “Let me help you to bed first.”

“I’m a big girl Peter, I can put myself to bed. What’s on your mind?”

He sits besides me with a sigh, “It wanted to make sure you’re okay, you’ve just seemed a little off this week.”

“It’s just allergies P, I’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t think so,” he frowns, “I don’t think allergies forget how to talk to your best friend.” 

“I didn't, I just don’t feel very good.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me if you’re upset with me or something…”

I laugh, “Peter why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off every time I’ve seen you this week.”

“Well it’s not you Peter, I just don’t feel very good. If I were upset with you I would just tell you.”

“Okay,” he accepts my answer though he doesn’t seem totally satisfied by it. Who am I kidding? It’s Peter, he always knows when something’s up. “You know I’m always here for you right?”

I nod, “I’m here for you too Peter.”

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses the top of my head, “We could hang out for a little while, play some games or something.”

“I’m still pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed,” I blush as I stand, “Maybe some other time.”

His smile falls but he nods, “Okay, but it has to be soon. I miss hanging out.”

“Soon,” I agree, “I miss it too.”

He stands and pulls me into a hug, placing another kiss on the top of my head, “I’m sorry about whatever’s going on, you know I love you tons.”

It takes every ounce of my willpower not to burst into tears, to not break down and just tell him the truth. I can’t though, I know I can’t. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me the way that would fix everything, he loves someone else and I want that for him, even if it makes me jealous, even if it kills me. I just want Peter to be happy. 

“I love you too.”

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This morning Betty nearly caught me tossing a petal out the window, making it very clear that I’ll have to tell her soon. I’d much rather tell her than have her just find out, I just don’t know how. I think I should just sit her down and tell her, but I just want to sugar coat it somehow, make it seem better than it is. I’m trying to figure out some way to do that when I get called up to the pharmacy counter. I barely even realize I know the girl behind the counter this time. Adeline, MJ’s roommate.

“Oh hey,” she smiles to me, “Are you okay with me filling your prescription? I can totally grab someone else.”

I know she’ll know if I let her fill the prescription, it’s a little scary, but there’s enough separation between us that it feels okay, like a warm up.

“I don’t mind,” I smile back, “Just don’t tell everyone about the pills I’m popping.”

She laughs, “I’ll keep it to myself,” she turns to her computer, typing away before squinting at the screen, then it seems to hit her, “(y/n)...” she turns to me with a frown, “Do you?...”

I nod, “Yeah, but like I said, don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be right back.”

It was worse than I thought, Adeline and I aren’t super close, we get along, but we never hang out outside of group get togethers or parties. I didn’t expect her to look so upset or concerned, I thought she’d just tell me she was sorry, that she hoped I got better. It makes me scared of how everyone else is going to react.

“Here you go,” she frowned as she passed the little white bag to me, “You haven’t told anyone?”

I shake my head, “Not yet.”

“Really? Not even Betty, o-or Peter?”

“No one, I’m going to, just kind of figuring out how.”

She nods, “Yeah, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m gonna get better, it’s just a little scary for now.”

“Of course,” she smiles, but it’s one of those sad smiles I have a hard time looking at, “I, um, if there’s anything I can do just let me know. I could help you tell everyone,” she blushed suddenly, “When you’re ready of course. Just, uh, maybe it’d be easier to get it out of the way all at once you know?”

“Thank you.” It’s not a bad idea actually, maybe it would be easier than telling everyone individually. Then I just have to explain it once and answer all the questions once. I don’t have to answer all the questions over and over. It might balance out the reactions too. “That might be nicer actually, and you could probably help explain the medical stuff a bit more.”

She nodded, “Yeah, definitely, I mean do it however you need to, but if I can help in any way just let me know.”

“Thanks Adeline, I’ll think about it,” I give her an awkward little wave as I walk away.

I start making a pros and cons list in mind, weighing both of my options to try and figure out the best way to go about this, of course my thoughts are then interrupted by a phone call. Peter.

He’s been trying to get together, and this time I really have been avoiding him, following the advice of my therapist. I don’t know if it’s helping, I think about him just as much, the thoughts are just sadder now, but it’s what I have to do. My therapist knows how to get me better, and I have to get better or I’ll never get to see him, or anyone. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that, I hate lying to him. 

“Hello?”

“Hey bunny,” he sounds chipper as ever, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Well I’m okay right now, but I would be a thousand times better if you came over and helped me study?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I glance around me, trying to think of something, “I have to go grocery shopping.”

“How about I come help you then?”

“I thought you needed to study?”

“I do but,” he pauses for a minute, “I know you said you aren’t avoiding me, but you know it went from not talking as much to suddenly we haven’t even seen each other in days.”

“Well why do we need to hang out all the time anyway? Just go hang out with MJ.” 

I don’t mean to sound as angry as I do, I’m just so frustrated. It’s not easy keeping this all to myself.

He stays quiet and then sighs. “You’ve been acting weird since you went to the doctor, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”

“Nothing’s going on Peter,” I frown and wrap an arm around myself, “I’m just busy today alright?”

“You’re busy everyday.”

“I’m not, I’m just busy right now…” I sigh and hang up, I just don’t really know what to say to him.

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After my awkward phone call with Peter I decided it would be best for me to tell everyone at once. I just need to get it out of the way, rip the bandaid off. So I texted Adeline, and she proposed that she and MJ would have everyone at their place to hang out today. She said it was gonna just be dinner and some party games, and everyone agreed to go. I told Betty and Ned I’d meet them there so I’d have a bit of alone time to get ready. I wanted just a bit alone just to prepare what I’m going to say and everything, I want this to go well. I want to walk into therapy tomorrow and tell her all about how I told my friends and I have this amazing support system.

A coughing fit interrupts my attempt to hype myself up in the mirror, it’s much more violent than they have been. The petals tickle a bit, and there’s usually a bit of blood, but it’s never like this. As a bit of blood splatters in the sink I hear what I assume is Betty coming back to retrieve some forgotten item. I kick the bathroom door closed and hope she just ignores me. Instead the door almost instantly starts creaking open.

“I’m fine!” I lean over the sink, trying to cover it with my hair, “Just give me a second!” I choke on my words.

The hand that’s set on my back is distinctly not Betty’s, “Jesus Christ are yo-” Peter stops mid sentence, just as the full flower falls out of my mouth, followed by a streak of blood. The full ones are much harder to cough up than the petals.

“I’m fine,” I quickly try to think of someway to explain this, “That was just in my hai-”

He seizes my wrist as I attempt to turn on the sink and wash away the evidence, “Did you cough up that flower?”

I flush, “Did you break into my house?”

“Betty gave me her keys so I could pick you up and figure out why you’ve been avoiding me! Now tell me what the hell is going on!” he demanded in the most concerned, Peter-like way he possibly could. 

I take a deep breath, glancing at the mess in the sink before I finally answer, “I have Hanahaki’s disease.”

His eyes dart between me and the sink, seeming to debate his next words carefully, “How long have you known?”

“About two weeks.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

I nodded, “I was going to tell everyone tonight.”

He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand through his hair, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, “W-Well it’s not that bad right? I mean there’s surgery, a-and I’m sure if you just talk to him he probably feels the same way.”

“He’s with someone else Peter, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you.” When I finally did meet his eyes they were glossy, and his cheeks were red.

“He doesn’t Peter, I just have to move on.”

“I’m sure he does, just tell me who and we ca-”

“I’m not telling you who he is. This isn’t his fault and I don’t want anyone to blame him or make him feel bad about it.”

“It is his fault!” he snapped before sighing, “Okay fine, you don’t want to talk to him, but there’s still surgery right? I know surgery is scary but this one’s pretty safe isn’t it?”

I nod, “It is, but there’s the risk of me not being able to love anyone again, so I’m not getting the surgery.”

“What?”

“I’m not getting the surgery, I’m just going to have to move on.”

“Okay but if that doesn’t work you’re going to get the surgery right?”

My cheeks dust pink as I shake my head, “No.”

His jaw is locked, his whole body tense, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. “You have to get it.”

“I’m not getting the surgery Peter, but you don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna move on and get better.”

“Are you kidding me?!” he snaps, “Telling me you’ll get better isn’t good enough! I understand if you want to try and move on first, but if that doesn’t work then you’re getting that surgery.”

“I’m not getting it at all Peter.”

“So you’re just going to die?!” his bottom lip started quivering, it startled me, I didn’t expect anyone to cry, “I’m not going to lose you just because some asshole doesn’t love you back! It’s not fair and I’m not letting it happen!”

“It’s not your choice Peter,” I hug myself because I have no idea what else to do, “Nothing is going to happen to me, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll be just fine. But, if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I really need you to respect my decision on this.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks and he shook his head, “You cannot ask me to just sit back and watch you die.”

“I’m not, Peter I am going to be fine. I’m on medication that helps slow it down, and I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, she’ll help me move on and I’ll be okay.”

“That isn’t good enough. There’s no guarantee you get better that way and that isn’t good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry Peter, but I can’t give you any other answers. I’m not getting the surgery, even if that kills me. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, and I’m so sorry, but that’s all I can give you.”

A few more tears escape and he pulls me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went to my waist. We stay that way for a second, he rests his head atop mine while I wonder what to do. I don’t really know how to make him feel better, I don’t even know if I can.

Peter is the one to finally break the silence. “Who is he?”

“It’s not important Peter.” “Yes it is! You think he’s worth dying over!” his voice cracks and I pull away. It’s really hard to see him cry, and I can feel my own eyes starting to sting at the sight. “You won’t even reconsider it for your best friend so I wanna know what’s so fucking great about him.”

I start crying while I realize I can’t ever tell anyone it’s him. I can’t risk Peter finding out, I don’t ever want to put that on him. “It’s not about who he is Peter, I just don’t want to risk never falling in love with anyone ever again. I know some people are okay with that, but I’m not, love is important to me and I don’t think I’d ever be totally happy knowing I couldn’t have that. None of this is on him, he’s a really great guy, I love him a lot and I know you would to. I don’t want anyone to blame him or be upset with him or anything.”

“Well I hate him,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter what you say about him. My mind is made up and I think he’s a dick.”

“You can feel however you need Peter, but he’s a good person, the best I know,” I wiped his eyes, “Can you please keep this just between us for me? I really need to tell everyone on my own terms.”

“I won’t say anything,” he promised before pulling me to him again, “Do you think we could just ditch tonight? I really want to talk, just us, and I want to know what’s going on. I need to be able to help however I can.”

 I nodded, “Yeah, I can make something up.”

He nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot, “Thank you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I ended up texting Adeline, who assured me she’d cover for us so we didn’t have to stress out about it. Peter watched my every move while I washed the blood out of the sink and threw the flower out of my bedroom window. Luck for me, he didn’t notice what kind of flower it was, or at least he didn’t comment on it. Actually he just sat on the edge of my bed, honestly I think he was just too caught up in his own thoughts to actually process what was going on. 

“So, did you have some questions?” I asked as I closed my window and took a seat besides him. He nodded, “Yeah, a few. Do you have some kind of timeline of how it’s going to progress?”

“Well the medicine I’m taking will slow everything down, right now it seems like mine is slow moving and my doctor thinks I’ll have a few months, but it’s really unpredictable. Things could get worse very quickly, but she said that’s pretty unlikely in my case. The coughing will get worse and there will be a lot more flowers and blood, but physically I’ll be pretty okay until the end. As for healing, I have until pretty much the last moments for my feelings to be reciprocated or to move on.”

“What about the surgery?”

“They’re able to perform it until the infection moves outside of my lungs. If I get to that point they’ll hospitalize me, but it won’t get to that point.”

“How long would you have if it did?”

“A few days max, I mean they’ll do everything they can to keep me going as long as possible, but there isn’t much they can do at that point.”

He clenched his hands and gave one stiff nod, “You said your therapist specializes in this?”

“Yeah, and she’s really great, she’s going to help me move on and sort out my feelings and all that. She does a lot of work with patients and their families, and she’s got a really good reputation. I really like her so far.”

“Do you think it’s helping so far?” “Well I’ve only gone once so far, but I feel like I can do this. You can look her up if you want, her name is Raina Morrison.”

“I will,” he assured before taking my hands in his, “Are you going to see her again soon?”

“Yeah, tomorrow actually. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone tonight.” He blushed, “I mean it’s still good you told someone right?”

I nodded, “I think so. It was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be.” 

I’m a little nervous about seeing her now, I’m worried that telling Peter wasn’t good. She told me separation was a good thing, that it will help me move on, I’m worried I won’t be able to do that now. Peter’s really protective, he cares a lot about everyone, I really love that about him, and I don’t know if I have the heart to tell him that we can’t spend time together. I don’t even know what explanation to give him now.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. I’m sure it’s not good for you.”

“It’s okay, having you guys know will be better for me, I need to have my friends support in this, it’ll make everything easier.”

“Maybe we can just love you enough that he won’t matter anymore,” the smile he gives is weak and forced, he still looks like he might cry again.

I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. I know he loves me plenty, it’s just not the right kind of love.

“Thank you Peter,” I just ended up hugging him again.

He held me tight against his chest, “If you wanted I could help you talk to everyone, even if you end up doing it one on one. Maybe it would be easier to have me there.” 

“It’d be nice to have you there,” I pulled away to keep from crying again, “You, uh, you’ll get it now if I’m a little evasive right?”

A look of confusion overcame his face, “No. What reason could you possibly have to avoid me now?” his bottom lip started quivering again, “You might not… No, I won’t get it, we should be spending every second together that we can.”

“I need alone time to process my feelings, that’s how I’ll get better.”

“Then I won’t say anything!” his cheeks had flushed again in an instant, “I can sit there and be quiet and do nothing, but I need to be there for you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can…”

“Peter you don’t need to start savoring your time with me or make all these precious memories or anything like that. I’m gonna get better,” I squeezed his hands tight and smiled to him, “And it would help a lot if you believed that too, because right now it kind of seems like you’ve already decided I’m going to die.”

“I do believe that, I know you’ll get better,” he sighed, “B-But what if something happens? What if you’re all alone and you just need someone? I should be here, I want to be here.”

How was I ever supposed to argue with that? I can’t tell him he can’t be here for me, I don’t want to tell him he can’t.

“Maybe we should watch a movie or something before we start crying again?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “Good idea. Maybe something funny?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

We threw on some supposedly funny movie, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know if Peter was, but he seemed out of it too. We just sort of stared at the screen until everyone came back to my place. I had to get up from where I was laying with Peter and pretend I had food poisoning as Adeline told them. Really I just wanted to go to bed, the day had been extremely draining.

“Hey guys,” I smiled at them, doing my best to look sickly. 

Betty smiled sympathetically to me, “Hey, you feeling any better?”

I nod, “Yeah, I threw up a bit but I think I can just sleep it off. Don’t worry, Peter has babied me plenty.”

 “Well between that and the cough I think you need a little babying,” she wiggled a small container at me, “I brought you left overs for when you feel better.”

“I brought some for you too,” MJ added, flashing Peter a smile, “There in the car.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks dusted pink and I just prayed he wouldn’t give anything away, “I think I’m gonna stay with (y/n) tonight though, just in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure she’s had enough of you hovering for one night Peter,” her smile dropped almost instantly, “I thought we were hanging out.”

I wonder if they’ve been fighting or something. A wave of guilt washes over me for avoiding Peter, for not asking if there was something he needed to talk about too. 

“We were together last night,” he frowned at her, “You know (y/n) and I haven’t hung out in awhile, and she’s sick, I should stay with her.”

“You two hung out all night and I’m sure her best friend and roommate is more than capable of making sure she doesn’t die in the middle of the night.”

Peter’s jaw clenches and I interject in the fear they may start arguing if I don’t, “Yeah, I mean thank you for taking care of me, but I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to go to bed anyway, you should go hang out with MJ.”

His cheeks dusted pink and he nodded, “O-Okay, just as long as you're good…”

“I’m good,” I assured, “It’s been a long night, I really just want to get some sleep.”

MJ smiled, “See? You’re driving her crazy, just let the girl get some sleep.”

“I’m just taking care of her,” he snapped.

We were all quiet, Peter and MJ are always so mellow. I mean they act like they’ve been married for forty years, they don’t really fight. As long as I’ve known them they’ve just been… 

Stagnant I guess.

“Well she just said she doesn’t need to be taken care of so no need to smother her, right (y/n)?”

I just nod, “Yeah, I’m good. Peter go hang out with girlfriend, I don’t need to be babysat.”

He frowned, a small huff left his lips before he nodded, “Sure, whatever, let’s just go,” he gave me an awkward sort of side hug and called, “Text me!” before leaving with MJ, both seeming annoyed with the other.

Part 2