#OH MY GODS HE WENT HEE HOO BACK

[character-of-all-time]

Now that the submissions are closed, were there any funny submissions that topped the previously stated funny submissions?

I might end up publishing the full response list to browse through at your leisure and so that someone else can seek out the hee hoo funny ha has rather than making myself go through all 1522 again, but I would like to highlight a few submissions that stuck with me:

character: Sam Winchester

from: supernatural

why?: oh COME ON. ur gonna make me defend sam fucking winchester as the most character of all time?? he literally has bangs. he died at 23. he died at 26. he died a lot of other times too but those are the most important ones. he's jesus and he's the antichrist and he gets placed on a visual crucifix too many times to count. he's an addict and he's a christian and god is making his life miserable on a personal level. he is wholeheartedly convinced that there are other people who "have it worse" than him (he was tortured by satan for centuries). again he HAS bangs. he's been possessed too many times to ever feel like his body is his own. he's in a constant cycle of being beaten down and KNOWING he shouldn't get back up, and not wanting to get back up, and getting back up anyway like a kicked puppy who thinks maybe this time they won't get kicked. never ever gives up but in a sad and pathetic way that makes u feel vaguely nauseous. he's psychic. he bought a ring for his girlfriend while they were still in college. he went to stanford. he's unclean in the biblical sense but he prays every night. he had a queer allegory arc spanning multiple seasons that people ignore so they can claim he's cishet. he totally fucked a 300-year-old witch while studying under her to become a witch himself. everyone he has ever loved is dead and he knows it's his fault. he spends the first few decades of his life angry -- SO angry -- at everything he's been put through, full of rage at the things he's suffered and the people who caused them. he is punished for this fury, taught to never be angry again, and after a while he just lies down and takes it. he is a serial killer and on the fbi's most wanted list. he uses "low sodium" as an insult. he's a vegetarian. he never drives his father's car. he has demon blood flowing through his veins and his best friend is a literal biblical angel. he's an abomination. he thinks that hope is kind of the whole point. he has BANGS. he killed his brother several times over, and he destroyed the world to bring his brother back to life a few times too. he spent time in a psych ward. he thinks he is terribly hard to love. his mother destroyed his life before he was even born and he still calls her "mama." he died at 23. he was kicked out of the house when he was 18, and then was kicked out of basically everywhere else for the rest of his life. his only family locked him in a panic room and left him to die. he forgave them for that because he doesn't know how to do anything but forgive. he's got bangs. anyway

what do you want?: u KNOW what i want. if my best friend sam doesn't win this bracket i'm crashing my car into the world's tallest and thickest tree

--------------

character: jesse pinkman

from: breaking bad

why?: Well.Well. i. so. hes THE character okay he was created in gods eyes only to be sculpted and changed by the wrath of satan (or the other way around). Its jesse pinkman. have you ever watched 5 seasons of a grown man with cancer abusing another grown man in order to support his family who hate him because of the way hes trying to support them (drugdealing)?No? well i need you to and then come back to me. jesses relationship with the aforementioned Grown man with cancer (walter white) is so multidimensional you could refer to jesse as walters affair, student, victim, partner in crime, son figure etc and it would be RIGHT because they are all encompassing and fucked up. and jesse loses everything and he cries and hes so emotional but he PREVAILS. he prevails and he precedes walter and all the toxically masculine men who hated him, who convinced him was less than who he was. and the dog motif!!!!! hes a loyal dog but his owner has been slowly feeding him poison, to break him down slowly, and its killing him so he BITES because it hurts and they all talk about the rabid dog he is, how badly the owner needs to put him down. and then his owner gives him away to much worse men, owners who wont feed him the poison slowly, but will beat and use him relentlessly. and then his old owner is going to die and he knows it and he needs to secured his reputation and put everything in place. he saves the dog and kills the dogs new owners. he BEGS for his dog to kill him, to kill him like he had done to the dog. but this dog is not like any of his owners, hw will never be. so he barks and says that he should do it himself and he RUNS. hes crying and whimpering but hes not getting beaten or poisoned anymore, hes a free dog and its up to him to make his own future without the influence of evil owners. THAT'S jesse Pinkman. hes the bride of heisenburg hes the dog motif and he loves and loves and protects animals and kids because he couldn't protect himself and he wins with tears in his eyes. um also hes trans so ^ hasnt watched this show in like 7 months i have mo idea what im talking about

what do you want?: one billion dollars

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who: Victor frankenstein

from: Mary shelley frankenstein

why?: I don't remember anything about this book except for the incredible and relatable line of 'I raveged an oatcake' cos God man me too

what do you want?: An oatcake

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who: sphagnum moss

from: real life

why: Love that bitch. They are light and hold moisture well. and they also form peat bogs when they die which is swag

what do you want?: To be turned into a zebra mussel and sleep in a Marimo moss ball and not have to worry about relationships or taxes

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who: Guy Montag

from: Fahrenheit 451

why?: he kills his boss with fire which i think is pretty cool and something we can all aspire to. i also want him to be in an online popularity contest because i want ray bradburys head to explode from beyond the grave

what do you want?: prove life after death so i can destroy ray bradbury’s soul

[heeliopheelia]

WIFE~~~~~~~~~~~~

IM SO SORRY FOR GOIN MIA I HAD EXAMS AND ALL MY FOCUS WAS ON IT SO SO THE PAST WEEKS ALL I DID WAS STRESS AND STRESS

but im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee im a free woman bby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and im back

ALSO I MISSED SO MUCH OF THE SMAU ?? LIKE HELLO??? YN CONFESSED AND HEE DUMPED THE BIYCH AND THEN HEE WAS BEING STUPID wait thats not new BUT HIS PICK UP LINE WAS SO SUCKY BOO HOO dislike

e20qfhjfdban  AND THE WRITTEN CHA[TER????????????????

I SCREAMED ef9ifvisjdjk they are soooooooo down bad  AND HEE FEELING PROUD CUZ HE TAUGHT HER HOW TO KISS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CINEMA ????🤩🤩🤩🤩

🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺  i missed being here tho !!! and smau is soo good i cant believe its almost over tho

ps i just saw that anxiety attack i hope ure okay bb!!!!!!

OH MY GOD SHE'S BACKKKKK!! MY BABY'S BACKKK!! 😭 And pls don't apologize love, you do what you gotta do 🩷 I hope your exams went well!! I'm sure you girlbossed your way through them 💅

And yeah, some things went down 🥴 Heeseung is so stupid UGH i love him sm 😩 We still have couple chapters left and one more written one to go!!

And i missed you too wifey I'm so happy you're back 😭🫶 About the anxiety - I'm fine now, thank you sm!!

[mntcoronet]

ok I know I don't trust this guy but also. THE WHAT

[lex-n-weegie]

I will try not to write an essay.

////Parental abuse mention mostly verbal because I don't know and will not ask him about anything else further on it. Also blood? Body horror?

But

GIN GIN!

Ok OK so oh my goodness first of all.

People like to go haha hee hee hoo hoo poor little Igor man BUT HE'S SO. MUCH MORE THAN JUST AN IGOR TROPE AND IT MAKES ME MAAAADDDDDDD WHEN PEOPLE JUST REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALL HE'S BEEN THROUGH. ALL HE'S ACCOMPLISHED. HOW UNBELIEVABLY SMART AND TALENTED HE IS.

There is so much more under the surface. First of all.

He grew up with an abusive parent

The thing he notes hearing from his dad the most often is "Shut up you freak" and like. I'm rabid. I'll tear his dad to shreds.

Idk abt his mom I haven't heard anything bad about her but I can only imagine what he must've went through (and not imagine because I live with something scarily similar lol)

When he was younger, he was sent off to an academy to learn about evil stuff and idk if that was his choice or not, but he seems to be proud of his educational background presently so-

I DO know he was bullied quite a bit.

He grew up!!! And was offered to become a famous defense weaponry engineer!!!! Which is great!!!

Except for the one faithful day one of his experiments backfired and lodged a rocket into his head

But sweet brilliant man that he is do you know what he did in the face of death mere minutes away? He turned the rocket into a life-sustaining system right then and there. (That's why one half of his head is metal!)

Can you imagine how smart someone has to be to do that. So quickly. And on the spot like that.

He is literally so brilliant and smart and knowledgeable and quick thinking an-

Anyway

He also replaced his blood with artificial fuels which is. So neat. Like hello how the hell.

After that accident though, he lost the opportunity to become a defense engineer because the organization turned him away for his mistake.

People say the rocket in his noggin made him go a little bonkers, but honestly? I think he just got tired of everything that was happening to him and became unhinged as a result.

You can only push someone so far after all.

He met up with an old friend from his academy days and became his assistant and such.

And then he started building what HE wanted to build. Giant robots outfitted with like a bajillion weapons. It's really cool. I love analyzing his mechs honestly.

One time he built one that had a failsafe function of TURNING INTO A SPACESHIP.

Did I mention he's a really good pilot? He's a really good pilot.

AND HE ALSO KNOWS HOW TO SAIL A SHIP. HE WAS A PIRATE CAPTAIN ONCE. (That was the first time we got to really team up hehe 👉👈)

It was a HUUUUUUGE battleship....

He's also way more cautious and wise than his "boss" but of course his views are overlooked because he's an "underling" to him

Ah and then came the dark era of the games

Takes a drag

Most people don't rly like to talk about those because that's then the company that made the games were being handled by a different company and the result was....less than desirable to say the extreme least.

My sweet rocket man was shown to like wearing pretty things and to enjoy feeling pretty, but it was treated like a joke back then. It was so gross and mean and I feel like he must feel so embarrassed and bad about it BUT I WILL HELP HIM FEEL PRETTY(ER) IF HE WANTS TO EVER. I SWEAR IT.

God. During this era he was also the butt of every joke. He was the one that always got the worst of things for laughs. I hated it. He was also played up like he enjoyed being abused which makes me want to chew through steel.

And then there was the one time the game devs thought him displaying a "split personality" would be funny. Like 😬

BUT enough of the bad era

ONTO HIS LOVE OF MUSICAL THINGS!

He can play the organ,,, and he's really really good at it. I think you might already know that he plays the drums too.

I think he just likes anything he can bang out his emotions on I think it's a healthy outlet and I'm so proud of him honestly. He really seems to enjoy it too!

Gosh he seems to just enjoy creating in general...

Let's see what else

Oh yeah

He survived BEING SUCKED INTO THE VACUUM OF SPACE. TWICE. And only came out of it with a new cybernetic hand. Not a scratch otherwise.

I am SURE I have more to say but I'm. Gonna stop here cause I accidentally wrote an essay anyway.

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER I WAS DOING A MURAL THING ALL DAY AND THEN I GOT AN AWFUL HEADACHE AND FELT SICK AND AAAAAAAAAA-

This was such a joy to read and I am not joking. This little rocket man is so interesting and fun and honestly? Good for him for going "crazy and nuts" I want to do the same(/hj). Just deciding one day that he didn't care anymore and he just wanted to be happy? You love to see a girlboss maleboss winning GJKSSNKSAN

ALSO I RELATE SO HARD TO THAT PERIOD OF BAD REPRESENTATION YOU GOT NO IDEA. Poor Luigi like. Fuck he was the butt of every single joke and it wasn't even funny. HE STILL IS IN THE PAPER MARIO GAMES I- you got any extra steel to chew through because girl I'm going feral fhsicbakbfjd

Honestly reading this I just. I'm so proud of him. He's doing his own thing, he's happy and evil, and he's got a killer cute partner to jam out with. Thanks to you he's absolutely living his best life and he'd hate to have it any other way. He loves and cares about you so much I know it in my little clown soul. I know parallel universes are a thing in that world I think and like. If there was a world without you in it he'd want to blow it up on the spot because how DARE they not have you in it. The god damn AUDACITY. Without you that world is worthless and doomed for failure anyways if I'm miss-characterizing him here I am so very sorry /gen

Also actually side note. Blame you for my recent taste in f/os like- There are now 6 men who have egos who are all evil or antagonists in some way who have snuck into my heart(1 of them you don't know yet because I haven't revealed my love for him publicly because I'm embarrassed dhsksja if you dm me I might share 👉👈). You made me like villains how dare you /j /lh

[concentrateandpush]

Broken down, Broken waters.

I have never been good with birthdays, adding pregnancy brain to it just left me hopeless. It wasn't until this morning when I woke up and saw people posting 'Happy birthday' on my husbands Facebook that I realised, shit, it's his birthday. I have nothing, no card, no presents, nothing. I get up half asleep, rubbing my round spherical belly "okay, alright baby" I whisper as I throw some clothes on as Joe sleeps in. I throw on a black tight dress, a denim jacket and some red chucks.

Finding my keys was a challenge at the best of times, so when I find them straight away I'm a little shocked. I haven’t driven for most of this pregnancy, at this point the seat is set for Joe's size, so I pull the seat back and sit down, letting my head fall back as I rub my 39 week baby bump.

Then my car cuts out. Fuck. I'm at the side of a motorway, my car will not start up, no matter how many times I try. I pick up my phone from my pocket and groan "fucks sake Lena" I whisper to myself as I realise I left it behind.

"Okay, oh god" I groan and rub my belly "were only about 20 minutes from home baby" I whisper and get out of the car, as I put my feet on the floor, I feel this movement in my stomach, I movement that makes me feel sick. My hand goes to my underbelly and I bite my lip, taking a deep breath before starting to walk. My legs part naturally as I feel the baby’s head starting to come down. Not now

It's a busy road and if I crossed it, I wouldn't need to walk as far, but I can't, I'm fully aware that I'm unable to run and the cars are going to fast.

I feel the sweat start to gather on my forehead as I take deep breaths "shit, oh god, not now baby" I groan as I stop and lean the railings, feeling my body cramp up, my lower abdomen and right around to my back, my belly tightens and I start to tear up, realising this is it, this is labor. I breathe through the contraction, letting out low moans mixed in with cries until the contraction is over.

I continue the walk, waddling, my legs still slightly parted and my belly hanging so low. I cant give birth here on the road side, but I don't know if I can hold the baby in. I place my hand between my legs, feeling how sore I am as I walk as fast as I can before feeling the next contraction radiating through my back. It's all in my back. I stop and squat down, holding onto the fence, crying to myself, taking deep breaths and moaning it out, nobody can hear me, so why does it matter.

There's still about 15 minutes to walk and I don't know if I can do it. I have no concept of time, all I know is that this baby wants to come out, there's so much pressure.

I carry on walking a little more, holding my underbelly and my back, panting. At this point the pain is barely stopping. I feel another shift in my body and gasp. "Oh no, no" I moan as I feel a gush of fluid between my legs, running down into my converse. I just break down at this point, squatting, my tight dress stretching to accommodate my spread legs. "Owwww" I cry out "ugh please!" I shout. I don't know why I'm saying please, or what for, but it just came out.

I take my jacket off and set it down on the grass, sitting on it and spreading my legs, reaching a finger down and pushing it inside as far as I can go. "Okay, oh.. okay" I whisper "there’s still time" I not. If I was to guess, I'm measuring about a 5, but that doesn’t change how much my body is telling me to push.

I walk a little further, starting to reach my neighbourhood before seeing a neighbour and waving frantically, holding between my legs, at this point, my dress is more like a top it's ridden up so much, my belly is tightening like crazy, I'm soaked from my waters, I'm red, hot and sweaty. "Anne, please, can you take me home?" I pant as she pulls over. She comes around and helps me into the car, setting the chair back so I can lay down.

Once she pulls up at home, I see Joe looking like he's about to puke "where the fuck did you go!?" He shouts angrily before hugging me tight. "Please, gentle, I'm in labor" I pant and he picks me up and carry's me to the house. "I went to get you a birthday present.. I forgot and.. happy birthday" I sigh. He laughs and kisses my head "I thought you were dead you nutter, I don’t care, looks like someone's stealing my birthday though" he smiles.

Luckily, my midwife lives 3 houses away, so once she knows what's happening, she's here in seconds. She walks in to find me on the carpet of the lounge floor, panting and squeezing Joe's hand. "Alright, okay sweetheart, let's get her comfortable Dad" she says to Joe and he grabs some pillows propping me up. "I wanted to give birth in hospital" I groan as she measures my dilation. "There's no time for that Lena, this baby is fully dilated" she smiles.

I shake my head "they can't be, I just measured-" I explain and she cuts me off "you can't really get a good measurement of your own dilation love". I nod and look to Joe in fear. "You've got this babe" he whispers.

"Okay, right, Momma, this baby is coming and fast, so let's work with it yeah?" She smiles and I nod, panting and crunching my face up. "I need a good hard push Lena, right here" she says as she lays her finger inside me. I hold my legs back and push silently for as long as I can before letting out a deep roar in relief that it's over. "Good job, I need that again Lena" she encourages me.

I pull my legs again and push, hard for as long as I can "ggaaahhhh" I cry out, feeling the baby start to open me up. I feel that the contraction is still there so I push again "mmmmmffff" I groan and I see Carol smiling "you're rocking it, baby’s head is just here, you're doing so well". I look to Joe as I try to breathe for a moment and see how hard he's crying "you're so beautiful" he smiles.

I laugh a little and shake my head before really bearing down and screaming out loud "mmmaahhhhhh!" I cry. "I wanna move, please, I want to be on my hands and knees" I whisper, through the panting and with in seconds they turn me over with out me having to do anything. "Let's get a towel under her yeah?" Carol says softly and Joe runs to get towels.

"He's going to be an amazing dad Lena" Carol smiles. I nod "I know he is, he's going to be perfect" I smile before pushing the hardest push so far. "Okay! Keep that coming, the head is just- you're crowning! Baby's head is crowning!" She says excitedly "pant it out, no pushing, let yourself stretch". "I can't I need to push" I groan and she shakes her head "hee hee hoo hoo" she mimics and I copy, moaning as I breathe like she said.

Joe runs back and puts the towels underneath me "oh Lena, Lena they have your color hair" he cries and I smile to myself. "Okay, you're good, let's get this baby out" Carol nods and I push, hard, I just want them here now. I feel a pop and a gush of fluids "oh my.." I reach down and feel the head. "Hello, hi little baby" I smile and rub gently before pushing again, holding the head steady as I gradually lean back.

I feel the shoulders unlodge and groan one last time before supporting baby up and on to my chest, trying to catch my breath as I rub its back. "It's a little girl" Carol smiles and I just cry "she's so beautiful" I cry. I notice Joe in the corner of my eyes just watching in awe. "How about Joanne babe?" I smile at him and he nods "yeah, yeah, hello baby, hi little Joanne" he smiles.

@hear-her-pushing - Thank you for the prompt! I hope you enjoy reading this! 

[thatoneaspie]

“It’s Been a Long, Long Time”

An Avengers: Endgame AU

By thatoneaspie

| Synopsis: A change in the events of Endgame impact Vision’s fate and alter his most iconic line in the MCU. TW: Pregnancy, death, PTSD, graphic/ traumatic birth scene. |

————————————————————————

Pepper’s mouth drops open. “How the hell did you pull that off?”

“Look, I created a new element to keep myself alive. Pretty easy to recreate anything after that - even the mind stone.”

“And he has all his memories?”

“Yes. All of them. I’ve already told you this.” Tony says in a hushed whisper.

“Tony. You have to tell her.”

“I can’t. It’ll send her into early labor.”

“Well, you can’t just keep it from her! You have the love of her life - who she thinks is dead - in your basement...”

Pepper is cut off by Wanda, who strolls into the room, holding a cup of tea in one hand, and her other on her belly. “What’s in your basement?” Wanda says, stirring her tea with her powers.

“Nothing.” Says Tony quickly, rushing over to her. “Let’s have you sit down...”

Wanda rolls her eyes. “Tony. I’m pregnant, not crippled.”

“Right, not crippled. Just stubborn as hell.” Tony quips back.

The large room in the Stark Mansion, once filled with Avengers, feels strangely empty as always. It’s been almost 9 months since Thanos’ snap, and the blip left only Pepper, Tony, and Wanda on the team. Given that Wanda was injured after the fight with Thanos, Pepper insisted that she stay with her and Tony, so they could help her through her pregnancy and delivery; given that she had mostly been on bed rest for almost the entirety of it.

Wanda looks a bit flushed, and eyes the couch. She considers her pride of just saying she didn’t need to be coddled, and her actual need to sit down. The latter is victorious, and she sinks into the cushions with a satisfied expression.

“I still can’t believe you went to fight Thanos with us and you were pregnant.” Tony says.

“No one on the team would have let me fight if I had said anything,” Wanda says nonchalantly. “And, I didn’t know for sure if it had worked, anyway. I’m fine.”

“The internal bleeding said otherwise.”

Wanda glares at him, and her eyes begin to glow red. After a moment, her expression softens, and becomes distracted. She turns her head away, so Tony and Pepper wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

“At least I got to say goodbye to my husband.”

Tony and Pepper shoot each other a quick look, which isn’t unnoticed by Wanda. “What was that about?” Wanda asks, her eyes narrowing.

Tony sighs. “Wanda, I need you to come with me to the basement.”

————————————————————————

Wanda wasn’t as fast on her feet as she used to be, so it took them awhile to get down the stairs.

“Alright, buddy... you can come on out.”

“Who are you——” Wanda began.

But then, she saw him.

Almost like a dream, he materialized. The familiar red, blue, and silver face, the chest that she had fallen asleep on so many times, and the uniform that she always argued needed changes, but secretly loved all the same.

“Vizh?” She whispered, walking up to him like a scared puppy; not sure what was really in front of her, and not wanting it to hurt again.

“Wanda.” Vision gently takes her hand, and puts it in the middle of his forehead, on the glowing mind stone. In a moment that’s just their own, he whispers to Wanda the words that they cherished together; a greeting during their stolen moments in the beginning of their relationship - “It’s been a long, long time.”

“It really is you.” Wanda began to shake, and then sobs so strong wracked her body that no sound came out of her mouth. Vision cradles her in his arms and pets the back of her hair.

After a moment, Wanda abruptly pulls away, and finds Tony in the room. Her eyes are on fire - she hadn’t been this angry since Thanos had killed her husband and made her watch. In that moment, Vision notices that her belly is swollen, and he blurts out: “Wanda, it worked...? Why didn’t you——-”

Wanda is too distracted to hear anything but the rage in her own mind. The red flares began to form in the palms of her hands. “How dare you keep him from me! How could you! I can’t believe you let me think he was dead, you son of a —-! ”

In that moment, she clutches her stomach as a liquid trickles down her leg. Her demeanor changes immediately; her green eyes show fear beyond belief. The red flares in her hands disappear as quickly as they came. Her voice comes out in a shaky whisper.

“My water just broke.”

Tony turns toward Pepper in triumph, his hands on his hips and a smirk on his face. “What did I tell you would happen?”

“God, Tony! What the hell is wrong with you? Now isn’t the time for this!” Pepper yells as Vision gently picks up Wanda and they all hurry their way back up the stairs.

———————————————————————-

“Vision, put her down over here.” Says Pepper, gesturing to what looks like a spare room. In reality, it’s set up as a birthing suite for Wanda; Pepper just didn’t think they would have to use it so soon, so it’s incomplete. Tony is pacing awkwardly outside, unsure what to do with himself.

“No. No, no... WAIT, no! Vision, don’t go... I can’t... it’s too early...” Wanda blurts out, hanging on to Vision with a death grip. She is hyperventilating.

Pepper quickly gathers everything she needs. “Vision, I need you to help me calm her down. The baby is already early, and we can’t have Wanda in distress at the same time. I need her to steady her breathing so I can check and see what’s going on.”

Vision nods and picks Wanda up again, and then situates himself on the bed with her laying back on this chest. He takes her into a firm and comforting hold while speaking to her gently.

“My love. Everything is alright. Let’s take some deep breaths together, okay?”

Wanda nods in silence, still shaking.

“Hoo. Hee. Hoo.”

“That’s it,” Vision says, “You’re doing great.”

“Vizh. It’s too early. I can’t...”

“You’re alright, Wanda. You’re alright. I’m here now.” Vision repeats to her.

“Good, Wanda. I need to check to see if the baby has grown enough to come now... if not, we will need to use drugs to stop your labor.”

“Allow me.” Vision says. He takes one hand and waves it over Wanda’s stomach, scanning what’s inside. Then, he projects the image onto the wall.

“Alright, well.” Pepper laughs lightly. “That was easy. Let’s see...” she studies the image for a moment. “Everything looks fine.”

Wanda tries to hide her fear, but comes out unsuccessful. “Are you... are you sure? I mean, maybe we should wait...?”

“Wanda, the baby wants to come now. It’s not always safe to use the drugs. We only do when it’s absolutely necessary. And, the baby looks just fine to me.”

“Oh.” Wanda whispers, unable to come up with another argument. She lays back in defeat on Vision’s chest, and grips his hand.

Vision understands immediately, and gives Pepper the “we need a moment alone” look.

Pepper is gone in an instant, and there is silence for a moment. All you can hear is Wanda’s shaky, mechanical breathing.

“You don’t have to say anything, Wanda. I already know what you’re thinking.”

Wanda laughs weakly, looking up at him. Her green eyes are pleading. “I thought we agreed not to use our mind-reading powers on each other.”

Vision smiles.

“I didn’t have to.”

He holds her belly and strokes her hair while she lays on him.

“I know you’re scared of loosing me again. And you want the baby to stay safe in there. But you don’t need to worry - I will always be with you, in life, and in death. I’m here now because that’s what was meant to be. I am here to meet our daughter with you.”

Wanda puts her hand to her mouth. “Daughter...? It’s a girl?”

Vision smiles.

“It’s a girl.”

————————————————————————

“Is there anything we can do to get this show on the road?” Wanda sighs.

Pepper shakes her head.

“Unfortunately, no. Given that you had bleeding at an early stage in your pregnancy, it wouldn’t be safe for you to use your powers to speed up your labor. So, we just have to hurry up and wait. You’re at 4 centimeters now.”

“You had what at an early stage?” Vision asks.

Pepper suddenly looks nervous. “Uh, I’ll leave you both alone. Seems like you have some things to... talk about.” She rushes out of the room.

Wanda rests her head on the middle of Vision’s chest. She knows he is waiting for her to speak.

“I’m sorry, okay... I should have told you. I should have told you my powers worked, and that I was able to get pregnant before I went out to fight Thanos.”

Vision has a blank look of anger on his face. “Should have? Wanda, you put our baby in danger when you didn’t have to——”

Wanda pushes herself off the bed into a standing position. “I did, Vizh! I did have to! You don’t understand!”

They’re both yelling now.

“And what exactly do I not understand?” Vision is standing, too, his feet hovering slightly above the ground.

“I couldn’t let Thanos kill you while I just sat around and did nothing! You are the love of my life, don’t you understand? That means I would do anything for you, Vision! Even if that means risking my own life, and our baby’s!”

Wanda is in hysterics, and she collapses on her knees. Vision makes his way toward her and holds her in his arms while she cries.

“Wanda, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. But you didn’t need to do that for me.”

Wanda holds him tightly. “I think I did. Thanos killed you, Vizh. And made me watch. You’ve only been back for a few hours.”

Silence. Her voice quivers. “I can’t lose you, Vision. Please. Not again.”

Vision’s heart feels like it’s broken into a million pieces at the sound of her voice. She is fragile, weak, vulnerable, exhausted; nothing like he saw her last. For a synthezoid who had the vocabulary of the greatest scholars, it surprisingly took him a long time to think of just the right thing to say.

“Wanda... what is grief, if not love living on in others?”

Wanda looks up at him. He never seems to grow tired of those eyes.

“I may have been gone, but I live on in you, and this beautiful baby girl... I don’t know what the future holds... but I’m here now, and I’m here with you.” He cradles her face and wipes the tears away.

Wanda laughs weakly, and relaxes in understanding.

“Now,” Vision begins excitedly,

“Let’s talk names!”

————————————————————————-

“I just read all the books on pregnancy in my database. It looks like moving around is supposed to speed up the labor. And swaying is supposed to help with the pain.” Vision suggests to Wanda. He was sitting next to her on the bed, holding her hand, and wiping away the sweat on her forehead with a damp towel. The last contraction had been particularly painful.

“Alright, let’s try it. I’m getting tired of this.” The powerful Scarlet Witch was in rare form: she looked unbelievably exhausted.

Vision spots a radio in the corner of the room, and glides over to it after helping Wanda get on her feet. “It’s Been a Long, Long Time” by Harry James begins to play.

“Care to dance, m’lady?” Vision smiles, reaching out his hand.

Wanda laughs. “You really want to dance with me when I look like this? Like a balloon?”

“I will always want to dance with you, my love.”

She smiles and takes his outstretched offering, and he pulls her close. Wanda holds one hand of his tightly, and the other supports the small of her back as they sway to the lyrics.

“Kiss me once

Then, kiss me twice

Then, kiss me once again

It's been a long, long time

Haven't felt like this, my dear

Since can't remember when

It's been a long, long time

You'll never know

How many dreams I dream about you

Or just how empty they all seem without you

So, kiss me once

Then, kiss me twice

Kiss me once again

It's been a long, long time”

In that moment, through all the pain she had endured, Wanda finally felt that everything would be alright.

————————————————————————-

Tony passes the open door, and peers inside. Wanda is laying on the bed with Vision at her side, gripping his hand. She is breathing rhythmically to the tune of “We Will Rock You”.

“Hoo Hoo Hee. Hoo Hoo Hee. Hoo Hoo Hee.”

The contraction passes and Wanda sighs in relief, and falls back into the pillows. She turns her head and notices Tony at the door.

“Vizh, why don’t you go help Pepper outside?”

Vision notices Tony, and realizes what’s going on. He knows better than to argue with his wife, especially when she’s in labor. In an instant, he’s out of the room. Tony hesitantly strolls inside. He seems unsure of himself until Wanda pats the side of the bed, inviting him to come sit.

Tony didn’t notice how tired she looked before now. Her light red hair was frizzy, tied up in a bun atop her head, and sweat had caused ringlets to stick to the sides of her face, almost like a frame. The oversized grey nightgown, courtesy of Pepper, sticks out due to her swollen stomach.

“Look, Wanda... I’m sorry.”

She laughs, turning her head away and resting it on the pillow. “Never thought I’d hear those words from you, Stark.”

“I didn’t want you to go into early labor from shock. I was able to bring him back two months ago. I don’t think it’s something I can replicate again, though. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be able to pull it off.” Says Tony, in a rare moment of showing his imperfections. “I finally told you today because Pepper has been begging me. She didn’t think you’d actually go into labor.”

Wanda turns back, and looks him in the eyes. “You did the right thing.” She says, “At least the baby is alright.”

Her body seizes up, and she yelps out loud. “Oh no... so close together... oh god!”

Tony panics instantly, yelling, “What do I do? What do I do??”

“Hold my hand, idiot!” Wanda screams at him, her face still scrunched up in concentration. She reaches blindly and grips Tony’s hand.

“Ahhh.... Wanda, think you can loosen the grip a bit?”

She glares at him. “Are you kidding me right now, Stark? Ooooh...—-!”

Vision and Pepper rush in at the sound of commotion. Pepper begins laughing hysterically at the expression of sheer panic on Tony’s face.

Tony holds up his own hand, still in a death vice from Wanda. “I believe this is yours, Vision? Time to take over, maybe?”

Vision smirks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I think you’re doing just fine, Tony.”

————————————————————————-

“8 centimeters, Wanda. Nearly there.” Pepper says, taking off her gloves and lowering the bottom of Wanda’s gown to rest on her legs.

“Oh, wow...” Vision begins.

“Just hitting you?” Wanda laughs.

“How am I going to be a father? What if I mess up the kid? Oh no, I can’t do this...”

Wanda watches him begin to spiral, and takes his hand, laughing lightly. “Breathe, Vizh. Just breathe. Like this - ‘hoo hoo hoo hee’.”

He nods, so panicked that he is unaware of the joke.

“Hoo hoo hoo hee. Hoo hoo hoo hee.”

He gets it after a moment, then laughs, seemingly calmed down.

“If our baby girl is even just a little like you,” Wanda smiles, holding his face in her hands,

“then I think she will be just fine. So there’s no need to worry, Vizh.”

————————————————————————-

“Oooh. Oh, god. No. Please...”

“Wanda, just keep breathing. Not too much longer now.” Vision says, trying to calm her down.

“What the hell does it look like I’m doing?”

Pepper and Vision were kneeling on the ground next to Wanda, whose contractions wouldn’t allow her to stand up and walk a few paces to the bed. Vision offered to carry her, but she flinched at any touch besides the welcome holding of her hand. She had been in labor for over a day now.

Wanda’s grip on Vision’s hand tightened again for what felt like the millionth contraction. She had been a trooper so far, but this time, she screamed bloody murder.

“Vizh! Help me! PLEASE!” She begged, tears running down her face, and her free hand making its way to between her legs.

“The head! Oh god, Vizh. The head is right there—-!”

Pepper tries to calm her down, but nothing is working. “Wanda, you’re alright. It’s alright. Can you let me see what’s going on? Maybe we can get you to the bed now——-”

“NO! Don’t touch me! Just make it stop!”

“Wanda.” Vision’s voice became as gentle as a bee landing on a wild flower. “Let me feel. I won’t hurt you. I will never hurt you. Please let me help you.”

Wanda had always been stubborn, especially now; only Vision had the ability to get her to comply. Vision slowly moved her hand away from between her legs, and put his hand in its place. “Good. That’s it, my love. This won’t hurt, okay?”

The delicate skin around is stretching and there is, in fact, a small head emerging from between Wanda’s legs. He can feel the thick hair on his daughter’s head. “No wonder she is in pain,” Vision thinks to himself, “looks like the head is bigger than the average newborn’s. Even if it wasn’t, this must hurt like... what do the humans say? Like hell.”

Vision nods at Pepper to let her know that the baby is crowning. “Wanda, you’re almost at the end now.” Pepper says, taking her hand, and supporting her back. “When you have another contraction, you need to push as hard as you can, alright?”

“No. I’m done. We’re doing this another day.”

Pepper tries not to laugh at Wanda’s defiance. “I wish I could say it worked like that.”

Before another protest could make its way out of her mouth, Wanda’s body seized in another contraction, and she fell back onto Pepper, who continued to support her back. Pepper took both Wanda’s hands and let her squeeze them as hard as she needed. Vision gently opened Wanda’s legs as she laid back on Pepper. Once Wanda was in the right position, and she began to push as hard as she could. Vision’s hand stayed gingerly on his daughter’s head, guiding her into the world.

————————————————————————-

“It’s not working!” Wanda screams. “The baby won’t come out! Get it OUT!”

“Breathe, my love. Breathe.” Vision soothes her.

“Vision, this is going to sound silly, but there’s olive oil in the kitchen...” Pepper begins, but she doesn’t need to finish, because Vision has already sped back with it in his hands in less than half a second. You can hear Tony in the other room: “Not the good bottle!”

Pepper yells back: “Tony, be quiet! And get in here! We need help!”

Tony enters the scene: Wanda is laying back, breathing heavily and drenched in sweat, held by his wife behind her. Vision is at her end. Her legs are spread open and Vision seems to be waiting for instructions. Tony holds one of Wanda’s legs so Vision has another free hand to work. He refuses to watch the actual birth, and isn’t sure where to place his gaze, which just shifts nervously around the room every few seconds.

“Okay, Vision. Just gently rub the oil around the baby’s head... it should help it slip out easier. Wanda, I’ve got you... Vision is going to be gentle, alright? This will help. I promise. Let’s breathe together. Don’t think about what Vision is doing... just focus on breathing... that’s it.” Wanda follows Pepper’s instructions and starts her rhythmic breathing and grips Pepper’s hand. She winces at Vision’s touch; the area already feels as if it’s on fire.

“That’s it, Wanda. That’s it. Just keep breathing with me. I’ve got you.” Pepper says to her in a voice so gentle it could have been from an angel. She strokes the top of Wanda’s head comfortingly.

“Here’s another contraction now in a minute... push as hard as you can, okay? And you can scream as loud as you need to.” Pepper’s timing is immaculate: Wanda bears down again, and screams with the sensation of the baby’s head leaving her body.

“Okay, Wanda. The head is out.” Pepper says, watching Vision’s hand cradle it gently from her view above. Then, Pepper sees something, and her heart drops in her chest.

“Wait. Wanda. Don’t push.”

“What?” Wanda says, completely out of breath. “You’ve been telling me to push this whole time—-”

“Listen to me. Do NOT push. Vision, the chord. It’s wrapped around the baby’s neck.”

And then he saw it: how could he have missed it before? A thick chord, wrapped around the neck of his sweet baby girl.

Wanda immediately starts to panic. “No. No. This isn’t happening—-! You said the baby was fine, Pepper!”

“It was fine... these things happen sometimes during a vaginal birth on the way out. Vision, I need you to listen to me - I’m going to tell you what you need to do, okay? Wanda, this is going to hurt, so I need you to just keep breathing in and out.”

Pepper’s sudden command of the room and calm in an emergency made Vision and Wanda feel a bit more at ease.

“Alright, Vision. You’re going to need to push back the skin around the head and detangle the chord. Wanda’s already pretty stretched out, so there might be a tear, but we have no other choice.”

“A tear—-?” Wanda began, but was cut short by Vision following the instructions he was given. Her face contorted into one or insufferable pain; it mirrored her reaction when Pietro fell for a final time - a scream so visceral that no sound came out.

“Wanda. Push now. We need to get her out immediately.” Pepper tells her. Wanda’s head falls back onto Pepper’s shoulder in exhaustion. The sweat gleans on her forehead.

“I.... I can’t.”

“You have to, Wanda. Please.”

Wanda had never heard Vision so emotional; never had he pleaded with her for anything. This brought her the rest of her strength for one final push.

The baby was out.

But, she was not crying.

————————————————————————-

“Why isn’t she crying? What’s going on...?” Wanda cried, but it was too late.

Her baby girl had no heartbeat, no pulse.

She was gone.

What happened next, Wanda could not have predicted in a thousand lifetimes.

Vision put his hand to the small girl’s chest, and her color began to return. As it did, Vision grew more and more pale, and the glow emitting from the Mind Stone began to dim. He swayed back and forth, gently singing to his newborn daughter.

“Haven’t felt like this, my dear

Since can’t remember when

It’s been a long, long time...”

In that moment, he finally understood why Wanda had done what she had...

as the ultimate act of love was sacrifice.

“Take good care of your mama for me.” Vision whispered, before using the last of his energy to gently set the now sleeping baby into Tony’s arms.

“NO.... VISION! NO —— !”

Vision collapsed, looking peaceful, as if he was taking a long slumber.

Wanda screamed, and did not stop, hoping that somehow, her grief would bring him back. Pepper held tightly to Wanda as she thrashed around. In Tony’s arms, the sleepy baby girl was reaching for her father, who had already journeyed into the great beyond.

But, Vision wasn’t really gone...

as he would live on in her, for a long, long time.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew.  I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance.  Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good.  They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still.  In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.  

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s.  Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome.  I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this.  I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition.  But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang.   God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.  

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more.  And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is.  I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more?  It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous?  (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc.  My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later.  This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.  

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.  

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?  

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great.  But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games.  There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho.  But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.  

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman.  And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice.  Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice.  So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time.  The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way.  He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally. 

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women.  An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions.  He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.  

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger.  I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden.  Love him.  He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it.  I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option.  But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well.  You know.  

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst.  That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you.  You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him.  I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2.  I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along. 

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins.  That character’s husband... was a paladin.  I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin.  The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave.  And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators!  What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely.  I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here.  Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive.  Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but  I think it could have been done better.  Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge.  But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy.  Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years.  There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.  

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission.  He wanted to be here, right?  I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece.  I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is.  Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure.  She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name.  I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible.  I’d do that in an instant.  I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster.  Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family.  From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back.  She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM.  Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians.  We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally.  Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec.  Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it.  I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec 

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil.  I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done?  Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done?  OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end.  Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog.  Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better.  Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of.  Or Tyranny.  Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.  

I used to think that was what I wanted.  Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it.  I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game.  Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back.  When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want.  Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again.  The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is.  Which is cool.  He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma.  And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole.  It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams!  I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name?  Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are.  Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character.  Glad you like Tali, though!  See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society.  That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.  

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far.  Krogan?  Basically Klingons.  Turians?  Space Romans. Asari?  Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies.  Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before.  I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur)  but, eh not really.  

And Tali herself is such a good character.  I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it.  Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents.  I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship.  Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing.  She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.  

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option. 

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game.  I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships.  And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.  

Also?  Casting Seth Green was such a great choice.  I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else.  I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice.  I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad.  (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3.  At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1.  With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones.  It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.  

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods.  Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people.  Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now?  There must be, right?  Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there?  How does that math add up?  Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?  

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed.  Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is.  I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible.  We all know it.  He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

[bullwrinkledmagnum]

I scrolled through the article 3 times to reexamine the picture of the nails...

Abu tells me: it's there it wasn't a disappearing picture!

Then he tells me....: there was no pictures on the internet, it was in your head!

I remember when we went with Queen Elizabeth II

And she had told me we were gonna go watch them excavate coffins... No one else pays attention to a little old lady in a plane full of rambunctious boys. Except me.

So when we got there jesse tells me "hey you know everything, what's inside these?" And he got distracted by kids and had to yell turned back to me and said "huh whats these all about huh kid what? Tellll me!"

"Bones" and i walked away and he got to me and said "those are big bones"

I looked at the coffins and said "not really. They look to be normal size" cause the coffins were normal sized although tall but we were talking bones not fat which was all gone already...

So he was all bugging "so they're WHALE?!?!!?"

The Queen whisked by me giggling and I didn't know why...

Me: we're mammals! Think! What's wrong with you anyways?!!? You got too much airplane food?!?!

The Queen is in the corner hiding her mouth with her hand and just laughing and laughing do hard! She sounds like she's wheezing from the dirt and dust.

Jesse: is the quee ok?

Me: yes she's okay just a bit coughy. But there's noting wrong with her. Go on and look. [He starts towards the queen] at the box, dummy

Jesse: look i need to stsrt getting a little respect around here i aint her roayl highness majesty but i am an adul-- what?

Me: you really think the box is made of bone?

Jesse: yeah what? I do. You said --

Me: Then what kind?

Jesse: you said mammal so im guessing wooly mammoth

Me: DING!

Jesse turned away to kiss ass to the queen and i muttered "bat" under my breath but loud enough ...

Jesse: huh?

Me: no yeah you're right respect let's go into the next chamber.

So he goes to the Queen "do you know about these?!"

She nodded and tried to correct him But not "nooo" she told herself not to laugh

"Oh!! I made the best ancient discovery, yet!!"

I looked at him alk wtf are you talking about ass hole?!?!

"See these are all wooly mammoth coffins! Come look!"

"But Jesse excuse me! Jesse! Yoo hoo!"

"Huh"

"Jesse i thought all these caskets in these here tombs were all about rocks?"

Jesse looked at me

I shrugged palms up "Idk all the people left? Or maybe they were evil and had to have rocks piled on top of them!!" I ran towards the sunny door way because I don't make shit up, usually and the Queens smile was getting me to giggle and if she winked again id lose it.

Jessse: did you hear her? She was just repeating what i told her earlier. What im thinking here is all these are filled with Gold!! Because these people were the best and wanted to take all the gold with them! Here let's lift the lid off.

Queen: oh no! I don't mess with wooly mammoth bones. Human's only!!

Jesse: well, ill fond someone queen this will be amazing. I'll be right back. Keep an eye on the kids.

The queen stepped outdoors with me and we giggled ourselves silly until he returned.

He came out shortly and said he had help but the Queen said she needed help up the excavation laddar to get the boys and girls from the park and have lunch/supper.

He asked if he could continue with the coffins... She giggled.i told him she had said sure

So while upstairs picning in the grass... Alex, William and Jabar in the trees eating. William climbed down and said Jesse bad a wheel barrow

So i was sent to scout... It was empty.. So i returned to report the news

But William had seen it was full so he went around the corner, looked down and saw the ladder on the ground and the rocks piled down in.

Upon his report the Queen looked alarmed. I told her "don't worry. He told the kids a billion times how fragile everything is so he knows not to bother with to damage but also hes doing something stupid. Don't worry it will be fun. Always is"

The Queen decided to change from her usual dress and to put on slacks. Yes she ladders in heels and dress and hats and gloves and even a scarf from time to time.

"Think they're ready enough?"

"Oh you look nice. I like the blouse. I really like the polka dots. Come on boys. Youll need to drop the ladder for us ladies, shes old and privileged, I'm young and stout with a bad back. And come on jabar you can hold my hand like a good boy.... Or not" as he ran past us to tap William on the shoulder... But then he doubled back after telling William he was going to walk with me and the Queen.

At the pit as we called it we hollered for Jesse and we heard scrambling and rocks dropping and sounding like they were breaking.

"Like ice in a glass" said the Queen in a giggle

"JESSE! HEY GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! WE NEED HELP DOWN!"

"Yeah well we need the ladder!!"

"THERE AINT ONE!!"

Jesse looked pale

"Idk ask one of the kids. See if you can climb down" he caught me on his shoulder as i slid down the wall "you gotta see what i did kid i think i messed up... There was a body..."

I heard the Queen shouting i stopping to motion them to get the ladder and to climb down and ESP my twin not to jump

"You coming?"

"What? Yeah"

"So i took the body out and put all the rocks in here But they sure aren't gold. Why is your eye twinkling? Is it okay? I mean. I did good right?!?"

"Was it a real body?!?!"

"Yeah!! See! And i covered it with a tarp!".

"Let,me,see! Let me,at her!!"

He led me around the corner of the coffin and I lifted the tarp... I noticed it getting darker slowly from the doorway light then it was completely dark. I looked up. Everyone gathered in the doorway, shocking Jesse into a startle as he stood behind me rubbing my lower back. I dropped the tarp stepped back quietly, closed my eyes and bowed to the queen once to notify her the body looked undamaged.

She giggled... Jesse continued his speech and she couldn't help but burst out full blown hee haww

Jesse was all telling us how thrilling and masculine his discovery was and how if we left the room and went into the other chambers he would remove the rocks and put them in the wheelbarrow upstairs and discover a body completely undisturbed by the weight of the rocks!!

The boys eyes were in awe... The actors anyways... As we had all laid/sat in the grass telling the story of Jesse downstairs.

"But Jesse!! The rocks!! There's too many!! How on Earth did you get the lid off and so,many rocks appear? Did the lid break"

"They just popped up like popcorn! And the lid os here under this tarp safe and sound. See your majesty? Its perfect. We were very gentle. But this. This is magic!"

"Oh okay boys come on lets get through with the show" she was unpleased but tolerant.

"But Jesse you're like magic!! This! Look guys! Wait! I found a nail to the coffins! The Whale bone coffin!!"

2 boys had to laugh... And it started a train of giggles.

"I bet this one nail held this entire room of coffins together by itself!! And when you opened this one coffin! Just this one! It popped out! Amazing! Unbelievable!"

Everyone began to walk out..

"Thanks kid, know I love ya!"

"I know im appreciated!" I threw my arms ib the air and skipped to catch up with Everyone else.

I went into the next chamber which was filled with anger. We blew it out like dust and sat down and I said what i saw of the body and then we discussed theories and ideas of what the room we were in used to be. We discovered it used to be a home. And we were in the kitchen.

On the way home we of course had to wait for Jesse to load the last of the plane including his rocks that might turn to gold had said the Queen.

One of the protective squad mentioned how stupid and disappointing and annoying that Jesse James character is and how he almost ruined the entire tomb, disturbed a body, could have killed the Queen whom didn't want use the ladder, carried her on his shoulder, and on and on. So angry, bitter and adult like.

We all agreed and I looked around the plane, let out a great exhale of air and said "yeah and it was the best day ever!"

This man whom hadnt winked, snorted, giggled or even grinned the entire day snorted then suddenly he collapsed in his chair and began laughing, slow shoukder shaking at first then into insanity of hilarity. Then he bent around the back of his chair and said "thanks for being the best boss ever!!"

And for the first time in quite awhile, Ms Queen Elizabeth II blushed.

[doeeyeddarlingxo]

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 56

The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training - Chapter 56

AO3 | Previous | Next

Word Count: 1661

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Rating: T

A/N: i'm posting this from the train back to school (sad reaccs only), so i'm going to keep this brief so that i can post before my connection cuts out. but i love you all! it is snowing outside, but the reactions to this story have kept my heart so warm! keep the predictions coming, and expect the daily chapter update to continue from now until (eep!) the END of the story! ahhhhh

Taglist (brand new, so lmk if you want to be added!): @lokis-girl-in-mischief

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 56

You hadn’t realized they’d filmed the kiss.

Wedged in between Irina and Rhea on the couch, with Rosa just a pillow’s breadth away from you, you realized that none of the others have ever been portrayed as having any kind of physical relationship with Loki. Irina and Rhea tastefully avoided such questions, while Rosa...she said things, but in a joking manner. Not to be taken seriously. You, they’d left alone - it seemed like you weren’t the only one who’d thought you’d had no shot. But the day after the segment airs, you’re still wondering:

Were you the first one he kissed at all? Or just the first he kissed on camera?

********************************************

You get almost a full day’s peace and quiet before the storm begins.

"You just can't get enough, can you?"

You recognize the voice, but don't bother looking up. "I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rosa."

A soft green gel-tipped nail appears in your peripheral vision, clutching a sheaf of shiny, colorful papers. "Right. So you totally haven’t seen these.”

 “What?” You grab the magazines from her. “Where did you get these?”

She snorts, flopping onto the chair across from you. “We all have our little secrets, I guess.”

You flip through the top one eagerly. There they are - the results of the most recent poll. 

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN THE CROWN?

Lady Rhea - 39%

You laugh. Is this really what Rosa’s so upset about? “Are you surprised? You know they love her.” She rolls her eyes in response, and you keep reading.

Lady (Y/N) - 38%

“What?” A few pages later - your page - there are more comments, scattered around a screenshot of Loki cradling your face in his hand. You read:

~ Lady (Y/N) is on FIRE!

~ I squealed out loud watching that kiss - soooo romantic! I honestly wasn't expecting him to kiss (Y/N) first, but now I hope he doesn't kiss anyone else! I can't imagine any of the other girls connecting with him like that.

Of course, not everyone’s opinions of you are quite so positive.

~ Everyone's talking about Lady (Y/N)'s "chemistry" with King Loki. One has to wonder though, is she even old enough to have even completed a college chemistry course? Her level of maturity would suggest not. She's nineteen, people! 

But your supporters always come through, defending you with a vengeance.

~ I see people mentioning age. Clearly, she’s more than mature enough to be able to speak up for herself. 

~ I love how Lady (Y/N) can call him on his BS and he’ll take it because he knows she’s right. Come on, I can’t be the only one who thinks she’d be a great queen! 

~ Lady (Y/N), though she does have her moments, is wise beyond her years. Wishing her the best in and out of the palace.

“You could have at least told us before we saw it on TV.” 

You wrinkle your brow. “Since when have you given me any reasons to trust you?”

“I’m kind of with Rosa on this one.” It’s Irina, closing the door quietly behind her. “This feels...wrong. We shouldn’t be keeping secrets from each other. It’s like sabotage.”

“Thank you!”

“It’s her business, though.” You look up with a start—you’d almost forgotten Rhea was in the room. She walks over, settling on the couch besides Irina.

“Thanks.” You start fidgeting with your hands. “I didn’t realize they’d gotten it on camera, anyway.” Rhea raises an eyebrow. “What?” Suddenly, you feel under as though you’re under siege. “I swear to God, I didn’t!”

“Right.” Rosa sounds thoroughly unconvinced. “Well, don’t go thinking you’re so special or anything.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean that you aren’t the only one in it to win it.” She turns away with a “hmph” and a flip of her hair.

“Win what? Him? Or the crown?”

She glares at you. “Alright, Little Miss Holier-Than-Thou. What about you? Do you really think you’re the only girl he talks to? The only one he sees? Kisses? You’re a game to him. A stupid little girl that he can manipulate and play around with while he figures out who he’s really going to keep around.”

You shrug. “Say what you like, Rosa. All I know is that I didn’t see you up on that screen last night.”

She gapes at that, mouth hanging open like a codfish. “You - you know, I am so sick of your act.”

“My act?”

“Yes, your act! You pretend to be so innocent, sweet little (Y/N), ‘tee hee, look at me, I’m dumb enough to flip out on the king and lucky enough to get away with it!’ I’m telling you, he doesn’t care about you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“You haven’t seen - ”

“Girls,” Rhea interrupts, calm and regal as always. You and Rosa both shut up immediately. “Half of the girls we started out with aren’t here. The fact that we are makes the four of us special to begin with.” She keeps her voice low, though it carries in the quiet of the room. “Maybe we should stop fighting each other.”

Irina snorts. “Right, like that’s happening.”

“No, I’m serious. And here’s how we’ll start: we’ll go around and talk about our encounters with His Majesty.”

You and Rosa shoot each other one more glare before nodding. You feel the sting of tears as you sit back down (you hadn’t even noticed you’d stood up to begin with) - you hate being reprimanded. And some of what Rosa said hit home - what if he really doesn’t care? What if - you try to block out the image of him and Rosa, his fingers tangled in her hair, her legs around his waist as he kisses her against a wall. His lips on Irina’s, his hands circling her waist as he helps her dismount from one of her precious horses. Rhea doesn’t worry you, only because she seems far too conservative to allow such a thing to occur.

“What we speak of doesn’t have to be romantic or sexual in nature,” Rhea adds. “Anything. If you went on a date that wasn’t public knowledge. If you passed and spoke to him on the way to the stables. Things like that.”

“Oh. How far back is this going? I barely remember what I wore yesterday, forget what I said three years ago.”

Rosa rolls her eyes. “God, do you have to overthink everything?” 

Irina stares daggers at her. “Okay, then. Show us how it’s done. I’m sure you’ve got plenty of stories to tell.”

“Fine.” She takes a deep breath, and your heart sinks...until she releases it in a sigh. “I can’t even think of a good lie. Nothing, okay? Absolutely nothing happened.” 

You’re surprised to hear tears in her voice. 

After an uncomfortable moment, she speaks again. “All right, I’ve humiliated myself enough. You go, Irina.” 

Irina shrugs, shaking her head. Then she hesitates, opening her mouth as though to confess something. “Actually, I’m going home today.”

“What?”

She nods. “I wanted to tell you all. In person.” Another shrug. “But nothing happened before then, anyway.

None of you know what to say.

Until, like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound, Rosa switches her attention back to you. “How the hell did you manage it, then?”

“Me?”

She rolls her eyes again. “Well, apparently you’re the only one who’s kissed him.”

“I don’t know. What, do you want a rundown on everything he’s said to me since...I don’t know, however long?” All three of them nod. “Okay. We danced at the first ball we ever went to, the masquerade. Remember?” They nod. “We always ran into each other in the hallway after that. I don’t know. Oh, and then...well, there was the attack on the castle.” The quiet turns somber as you remember that day. The panic. Lexi. “Anyway. We ended up hiding out together. We’ve been...friends, I guess, ever since.”

“Friends?” Irina repeats incredulously. 

“And, to make a long story short, he kissed me after dinner last Saturday. And I might have yelled at him?”

“You yelled at him for kissing you?”

“...I mean, it was a little more complicated than that. Anyway, the next day he, um, invited me to dinner, and we argued again about that. During dinner he made a comment that struck a nerve. Like, on purpose, though. So I kind of went off on him for that.” You shrug. “But, um, you guys already know that part.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Rosa holds up a hand to stop you. “So he kissed you twice? I can’t...You didn’t even want to be here!”

“I don’t exactly get to leave whenever I want!”

“Aw, (Y/N) doesn’t get her way for once. Boo freaking hoo.”

“I had a life before this!” Tears are pooling in the corners of your eyes, but the anger you feel is eating you up from the inside out and you can’t hold it in anymore. “My friends are out there worrying about final exams and spring fling plans, and I’m here. I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, though - I get to deal with court etiquette and alien attacks and everything else that’s been thrown at us. So yes, Rosa, I miss my life, and if I could have left three years ago, I would have.” You need to pause for a few moments just to compose yourself. “But that’s changed. I’m not leaving. You’re not going to just get rid of me.”

“Why?” She sticks out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout. “Because you love him?”

“Yes.” You look her dead in the eyes. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” 

For once, she doesn’t respond.

You pick up your book. “I’ll see you ladies tonight at dinner.” As you begin walking out, you hear her call out after you, but you ignore it, the blood still rushing in your ears.

[lilyphrogg]

The Avengers (and Friends) as Dumb Shit I’ve Heard In School

Tony: You like him don’t you!

Bucky: Whaaaat noooo, i dont like him,,,,,, i don't like,, anyone

Sam eavesdropping: This bitch

----

Peter abt Thor: His arms are the size of freaking tree trunks dude they're huge

MJ and Ned: This is why we think you're bi

Peter: I just think he has incredible arms, i can acknowledge beauty ok

----

Ned: Its fun playing basketball against people who don’t know how bc it makes me feel really good even though i suck

----

Thor Eating a honey bun*

Steve: Oh my god are you actually going to eat that it's just pure sugar it's disgusting

Thor: Girl its a honey bun

----

MJ: Do i look like a lesbian

Ned: Yeah

MJ: Good

----

MJ: Whats up how you doing

Peter: My gay is going good

MJ: Im glad your gay is going good

----

Sam: You look like ratatouille with your ugly ass

Bucky: Well at least i can cook, unlike your subway rat ass

Sam: Well i get rides

----

Tony accidentally touching Steve: eww i just touched him, a germ a disease a whole ass parasite

----

Sam @ Bucky: Well your head looks like a rooster,,, cock a doodle doo lookin ass

----

Thor Takes Loki’s phone*

Loki: give it back or ill kill you

Thor: You would kill me over a phone?

Loki: I would kill you over a cheeto

----

Shuri: I wanna get hit by a TRAIN

----

Scott: I make it rain

Tony: On who, on what, what house, what cash, what girl

----

Bucky: Theyre over there laughin, hee hee hoo hoo shit,,,,,, laughing like hyenas

----

Shuri: T’Challas a whole ass hoe

----

Wanda: I'm gonna be a homicide detective!!! that or a vet

----

Peter: Plays harmonica in the middle of the hallway

----

Clint: Don't be a chicken nugget

----

Rhodey: Unless you're a basilisk, lizard, or jesus you need a boat

----

Hope @ Scott: I wonder how many mutations you went through just so you could become this

----

Bruce: My dad told me that if you wear your watch on your right hand you're gay so guess what i did

----

Clint: Starts to yell at a guy

Natasha: Be nice

Clint: What,,, no i was yelling at the,,,, air, it was trying to start a fight

Natasha: The air would win

----

Valkyrie: When i turn 21 the first thing my body ingests is going to be vodka

----

Vision: Did you use me as an encyclopedia!!??

----

Bruce: The trick to being smart is to accept you're not and convince everyone else that you are

----

Stephen abt Peter: He talks like a shark breathes, if he stops he dies

[shystoryrebel]

How Blue is my Sapphire

I am a true Indian and a Harijan.  So are all my relatives, friends and contacts.  One happy day I gave good news to all, “I am going to Varansi.” All were happy but worried too. With congratulations, I was showered with advices.

“Varanasi-Holy Ganga! ….how lucky you are! Great?

“No, no, you would have tried to America.”

“It’s the same thing. Varansi or America…Makes no difference. Success is more important…This time Varansi…next …America! Who knows?”

Really, a big name! A big city, a lonely planet and a glamorous playground of dark-superstitious-Hindu world.

“But beware of Pundas, Brahman, Sadhus and cheats.”

“Don’t go out alone on banks of river Ganga. It is full of rowdy Sadhus, pundas and cheats. ”

I was surprised that why everybody was so scared of Hindu Sadhus and pundits but love Muslim mazars and dargahas.  

In India too, I have been hearing this since I was a child. Indian model of secularism has made Muslims as the most important species. That is talking about them has become fashionable, intellectualism, humanism and above all a powerful vote bank.

Long, whitish donning skull cap, some in lungis and most of the women in burquas and in hijabs. We have all possible shades of Islam among us.

“Crazy people. They love everything Islam and Islamic. Good or bad makes no difference”

“Ha-ha, hee-hee, hoo-hoo,” everybody laughed.

Mr Dior of France has created a perfume called Poison. A black bottle in the shape of half cut apple. So is Brut. Similarly Rape jeans.

All are so popular here and there too.

Whatever the trend there, it is to be followed here.

“Varansi is very expensive city. Where will you stay?”

“Take my niece’s address. She lives in the safe township Malviya Nagar.  You can stay with her. You can go to Knowledge Village in the morning and come back in the evening.” Shall I ask if the niece is Hindu or Muslim? What a funny question! A Hindu niece will be a Hindu.  

Whatever she is, my lodging has been prearranged. Happy! Spoke to the niece, “Enquire at the Varansi Railway Station and a cab to Malviya Nagar. Call me from there. I will come and pick you up. Telephones in Varansi are out of order most of the time.”

When everything was ready my mother gave me a golden rings studded with blue Sapphire. She said, “It will protect me from inauspicious waves and looks.

All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am.....

Good. Tension free.

My train reached Varansi. Big railway station. Everything was big. Big longue. Big luggage. Big sadhus and big pundits. Big women. Big enquiry board.  Visible clearly from far. But station itself was very dirty.

First thing I did after coming out of the coach, I kissed the blue sapphire and the soil of the oldest city and oldest civilization of the world.

 Carrying the big luggage on a big trolley, I crossed the big longue, reached the big enquiry counter and stood in front of a blue eyed, healthy, black glass wearing woman. I was surprised why she was wearing black glasses inside a room.  She was blind.

“When does the local train leave for Malviya Nagar?

“I don’t know.”

“Do you have a timetable? Information booklet?”

“I don’t know.”

I was shocked to see their hostile behavior towards visitors.  

I was almost in tears. Muttered- Malviya Nagar. I was advised by my host,” Take a taxi and come. It will cost you Rs.40/= Ask a policeman and get the fare fixed, otherwise you will be cheated.”

I had this choice only. At least my hotel expenses have been saved. I moved towards the taxi stand. There were so many taxis. All the drivers were in grey and whites.

I reached one of the taxis. “Malviya Nagar.”

“Meter or without meter?”

I was taken aback. It was Varansi or Chennai?

He has his name plate written ‘Saddam Husain.’ on his shirt.

I remembered, I had been advised to ask the policeman to get the fare fixed. I saw one there sitting in the booth….Shukla …! Written on his name plate.

“Beware of Brahmans. Stay away from the Brahmans.”

Hey Krishna! Protect. He was advancing towards me like Genghis Khan, the brute and inexhaustible rapist.  

“May I help you?” He asked. Tall, strong, tilak on his broad forehead. I was scared and dumbstruck. My tongue trapped. I managed to murmur, “The fare to Malviya Nagar.”

“Switch on the meter,” he ordered in a firm voice to the driver and me. “It will come around Rs.40/= . Okay?”

“Okay.” I was happy to be released from his clutches.

He walked away. He was very decent and soft spoken. I felt like stopping him and talking…But ….beware of Brahmans.

All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am.....

The driver was on his seat. He opened the boot of the car by pulling a knob.  I put my luggage in it. As soon as I entered the taxi, it moved. Speed was very high like the arrow of Arjun’s Gandiv. I was on the cloud nine although a little nervous. Outside it was hot, but inside the taxi it was cool. The temperature was comfortable. I closed my eyes to take a small nap. I heard the driver’s voice.

“Where do you have to go Madam?”

“Malviya Nagar.”

“Any idea, where’s that?”

“I don’t know. Wait; Let me see it in the map.” As I was seeing the map, the meter clicked Rs.50/=.  

“I Shouted, we have crossed Malviya Nagar. Meter is indicating Rs.50/=.”

“Stupid policeman. Forty! He does not know anything. Wanted to ruin my business as I don’t bribe him”

“So? Miser Indian. Get down here.”

“How can I get down here in a remote forest?”

“I have to go to Malviya Nagar.”

“It will cost you near about 70 to 80 rupees.”  

“Whatever. I have to go there. Move. Signboards may give us some clue. I also tried to find out in the map.”

I kissed my blue sapphire.

“Malviya Nagar. Malviya Nagar. ” I jumped with joy.

“Street? Block, building, number?” “Raja Harish Chandra Road, Amrapali Towers, B-Blok, Flat No.101.

Oh God, Jai Hanuman, Here Krishna Here Ram, Om Namoh Shivay, please bless me and help me.

The driver got down in front of a tall building.

“This is your address.”

“This one?” Totally abandoned type. Few mazars near by. On the other side was forest. Totally dark.  

I went into the building campus. There was a temple near the entrance. Some sadhus and pundits were busy in some puja and chanting holy mantras.

Taxi driver muttered something.

I heard, “Hindu bitch.”

Who? Where? Or me? There was no one. So am I a bitch? Oh Krishna! Protect me.

In a split second rapes of Syria, Iraq, Egypt, Nigeria etc., danced in my mind.  

I shouted, “The policeman has the number of your car. Take me to the proper address.”

He laughed at me.

“Listen, listen. The policeman is our brother and a local. He will not help you against us.”

I was taken aback. In India Muslims are treated like VIPs. But here they are naming me as bitch. What a great bond? Actually nobody cares for Hindus and Indians.

A whistle thud and a guard was standing in front of me.

He was like a demon. Tall, strong, tilak on his broad forehead, moustache, and blue eyed. He laughed at me.

“Yes madam. Why are you disturbing us here?”

I was shocked at his behavior. I was just enquiring about the right address only and he was blaming me of disturbing him.

“Please help me. I have to go to Raja Harish Chandra Road, Amrapali Towers.

Asking a Brahman for help!... What is this?

He appeared more dangerous.

Here Krishna, Here Ram.

I kissed my blue sapphire ring.

The demon opened the door of the car and sat next to me. I minimized myself into the corner. He roared, “Driver.”

The driver came running and puffing.

“Raja Harish Chandra Road, Amrapali Towers. No ifs and buts”

My blood froze. The driver became pale. He was hurling abuses some time in English, some time in their local dialects.

“Donkey, bastard, pig…!

On his name plate was written Ram Kumar Mishra.

We reached “Raja Harish Chandra Road, Amrapali Towers.

The taxi stopped. I got down.

“Open the boot.” I shouted.

The driver also got down. He was middle aged man.

“Open the boot.”

“Give me the money first.”

“I will give you the fare but first give my luggage.”

“No first give the money. Educated Hindu women run away without paying.”

I was shocked and surprised. How poorly they think of educated Hindu women?

“I was told that taxi drivers like you ran away with luggage as well as money. Open the boot take out my luggage and take your money.”

Ultimately again Ram Kumar Mishra roared ,”Give her luggage. Don’t talk much. I am here.”

Blue sapphire – strong skull capped man and women passed by. All were staring at me.

At last both I and my luggage were safe.

I called the niece and she took me to her small flat. I told her about my experience. “These taxi driver scoundrels are all cheat and consider we educated Hindu girls as second grade citizens.”

Luckily I have got a shelter so easily. I enjoyed my first night with this unknown niece of my neighbor. Next day I strolled in the campus of the building. All very imposing, huge and luxurious houses. Long, bright foreign made cars.

The niece said,”This is very good, posh and safe colony. No local or non-Hindu live here. All are outsiders. Some are Europeans. So no tension, no crime. Women are very safe here.

I spent the next night with her. The next morning I took a train to Knowledge Village where I was appointed as an academic executive in a university. My job would take the full day. I would have to find out a room near my workplace.

The flat of the niece was near the ghetto of Muslims where majority of the people were in silk and cloth business.

The train arrived. The gate of the coach was quite wide. I was feeling clumsy and uncomfortable…

Large number of locals entered the coach in like rowdies.

I saw four empty seats. I tried to occupy one. The table cum board which had been locked with the seat suddenly opened and hit my hips.

“We are playing chess here,” a well built, fair complexioned man said. He had opened the table without any warning. On two other seats were big sized men. One seat was empty. People in the coach were laughing on me. They were all rich people wearing expensive clothes and carrying briefcases. They all must be going to markets, every morning and returning together in the evening. They must be playing chess every day. But the same thing could have been said politely. They were all local weavers except me. “Are all locals as uncivilized?”

I cursed myself. Coward! Coward Hindu woman. I felt like crying. Humiliation, anger, frustration, shame, self-condemnation and what not. They cannot defeat me in arguments. Academically I was much higher. Hindus are treated so badly everywhere.

I took the cheapest room near the Knowledge Park. The hotel has strange rules. They made me first deposit entire amount. If I leave the hotel earlier,

“Take back your money when you leave,” came a terse reply. I have no reply. We are third class citizen.

I kissed my blue sapphire to get some solace.

Leaving my suitcase in the room, I went out for a walk. It was very hot outside. But I wanted to see the city. I also ate a tasteless burger and drank coffee.

Fast and furious winds started blowing. I rushed towards the hotel. I put an overcoat to protect my sari. The winds did not stop. They became more furious. The shade by the road side was crowded with the people waiting for the taxis. Taxi drivers were giving preference to locals and people from ghettos. This was another shock. In India there is racism in everything.  After an hour I got a cab and reached the hotel.

Everybody was surprised. How could I reach on time in this weather otherwise,”Indians are never on time.”

Next day again weather was very bad and taxis were asking four times the amount. Very difficult situation. Almost impossible to reach the office. It was raining very heavily now. My umbrella turned inside out. I was very badly tired. “Taxi” I yelled.

Nobody stopped. I was running to reach on time. I requested a policeman. But he was also of no help. I reached a tourist office. The attendant told me,” You cannot sit here. Office time is over, so I have to lock the office.”  On his name plate was written Amar Paswan.

The weather was very cruel.

My skin was burning and my head was spinning. Only I remained there in the storm like King Lear, plunging, drowning, and floating in the storm.

I could not reach my office nor to my hotel.

I saw a temple nearby. I rushed inside. I saw a small cabin type shelter. I sat there on the ground. There I got respite from rain and storm.

I have just lain down…I removed my wet sari…went off to sleep.

“Wake up, get up!”

“Let me sleep.”

“It is morning. Wake up.”

I opened my eyes. A very smart, fair skinned and sharp featured young man was shaking me.

I screamed loudly.

He moved back, shocked and scared.

I got up.

He came near me with a glass of hot milk.

“Thank Baba Vishvanath, you are alive.”

Tears dripped down my cheeks.

“Why did you come here?”

“I could not get any taxi and there was heavy rain and storm outside.”

“Where do you have to go?”

“Raja Harish Chandra Road, Amrapali Towers, B-Blok, Flat No.101.”

I tried to get up. I faltered. He lifted me by holding my hand. Again I stumbled. He put his hand around my waist and lifted me. I did not resist, rather I liked his touch.

“Are you drunk or drug addict?”

“No. I am tired and hungry.”

He touched my forehead and hand.

“You have fear.”

“May be! I am feeling very weak and exhausted.”

“Do you have disprin or paracetamol with you?”

“No.”

He gave a call to someone and told that Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj was speaking. He ordered to bring disprin or paracetamol tablets.

He took me to his room. I lied down on his bed. A boy brought the medicines. He gave the money. He gave me biscuits to eat before medicines. He dissolved the disprin in water and gave me. I took the paracetamol with the milk. I was feeling much better.

After some time he brought two plates of aaloo-puris. We both ate breakfast

together and took tea.

“What is the time?” I asked.

“Eleven…morning.”

“Now I have to leave.”

“I won’t let you go alone.”

He gripped my hand firmly.

“Why?”

“Taxi and auto drivers, rickshaw pullers, beggars, drug addicts, juggi and ghetto dwellers, etc., may cheat you or rob you.”

“I feel scared.”

“Of Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj? Then run away.”

He removed his hand. This time I gripped it more tightly.

I was amazed but happy that a Brahman priest is so kind and caring for a Harijan woman.

He took me to the taxi stand and asked the driver to drop me at my hotel and not to charge any money. I was surprised the respect he had in the mind of the people.

I came back to my hotel room and removed my dirty clothes…lay down on the bed crying…and slept.

I was wrong.

Yes. Brahman. Male. And me?

Female. Hindu.. Harijan. Alone

I took Disprin. Hotel was full of people. But all were tired. Some were Sheikhs, some foreigners, a few lean and thin Indians. But all of them were tired and exhausted.

On the next morning, I got up. Absolutely happy and tension free. I kissed my blue sapphire. I checked out the room, collected my luggage, handed over the keys, and took my money back.  

I finished my coffee. Ate the pizza, swallowed the dissprin again and called the cab.

Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj cured a sick worm. I failed but Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj had won.

I reached the temple. Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj received me and alighted my luggage.

“I will live here permanently.”

Pundit Vishnu Prasad Bhardwaj smiled, gripped my hand and took me to his room.

I kissed my blue sapphire.

  DR. YOGESH SHARMA

[simkjrs]

msa au asks post

Anonymous said: So in MSA spirits can injure Izuku, right? It would be kind of hilarious if one of the police officer's spirits got annoyed with him mid interrogation and bit or scratched him or something. Izuku's like "Ow, quit it." and whomever is interrogating him is just "Who is he talking to and where did that injury come from?"

this is basically canon already. and by ‘canon’ i mean ‘canon in my heart where my au lives on immortal and forever’

Anonymous said: Suppose the lie detection quirk does work on MSA Izuku, he's just going to provide the least helpful answers ever isn't he. "How did you learn about Erasorhead's quirk?" "The fox told me." "How do you give people their quirks back?" "Shoving mostly."

izuku is already preemptively giving everyone the least helpful answers ever and tsukauchi’s presence is doing absolutely nothing to change the issue. i’m glad you know me so well

Anonymous said: Oh boy oh boy oh boy I just found out you updated MSA and I read it (twice) and it is 1 AM and I am SO HYPED I can't even be mad about that cliffhanger. Way back when I read the first part I immediately went back and read it again, it's so good, I just wanted to let you know and now I will go to bed and scream into my pillow for half an hour because I know the 3rd part won't be coming for a while but just know an outsider POV is absolutely necessary.

thank you!!! im incredibly glad. rest assured the outside pov is happening right at this very moment 

@guisendisguise said: I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT I FOLLOWED YOU TO TUMBLR BECAUSE I AM DYING FOR UPDATES ON "but you gotta get up at least once more" AND THEN GOT SUCKED INTO YOUR my spirit academy AU AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I LOVE YOUR WORK I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING!!! GIMME MORE!!!!!!!! *grabby hands*

THANKS!!! I’LL TRY AND UPDATE SOON. SOON...

Anonymous said: yo I just discovered my spirit academia and two things: 1) it's hella great (I read your quirkless bamf deku fic too and it's hella neat as well) and 2) could you link me to the original text post that started it all pls? asks often reference it and i'm just. ok but where can i read it.

i tagged the original post incorrectly, sorry! it should be in the right tag now, here it is 

Anonymous said: OOOOH it's you! I read byggualon (I think? Lmao) a long time ago and loved it. It's probably one of my fave bnha fics. And then I found the msa AU here and loved it, but didn't realize you were the same person until I started reading your blog. So you are a superb writer, and I'd love to read more!!! 

thank you so much!! i’m really glad you’re enjoying them both :^) 

Anonymous said: I just wanted to let you know i am going on a road trip tomorrow so i loaded all of 'but you gotta' and MSA onto my phone to reread. Thank you.

that is... such a huge compliment. thank you 

Anonymous said: So can MSA!Izuku see ghosts?

i tentatively say yes, but i think most souls can’t linger very long so they’re mostly irrelevant to the story. (?)

Anonymous said: important question: in msa does izuku go to the same school as in bygg and if so is mitoki there 

mitoki is an exclusive byggualom-only oc, for only $5.99 a month you can buy yourself a premium account and view more mitoki content that cannot be found elsewhere 

(izuku goes to a different school & who knows what chaos mitoki is stirring up. he’s off living his own hot blooded shounen jump lifestyle. also i feel like it would be way too self indulgent to put mitoki in all my aus. theres a limit to these kinds of things yanno?)

Anonymous said: When I read the part when Izuku got paralyzed, I literally screamed. Because you just??? Oh my god???

hehehe. hee hee hee. hoo hoo hoo