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stargazer-sims · 7 days

Text

I wrote a thing and It took me way longer than it should have...

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Full Circle

Yuri is almost asleep when he hears the front door being slammed shut. The sound startles him enough to pull him halfway back from the edge of consciousness, but not enough to compel him to get up. He's far too settled to move unless it's absolutely necessary.

Beside him, Victor is completely asleep and snoring softly. That's another reason Yuri doesn't want to move.

It'd taken a lot of effort to convince Victor the sofa wasn't the best place for him to rest. He's sick with some sort of respiratory virus that's kept him home from work for the past couple of days, and although he has been sleeping in his bed at night, during the day he alternates between the living room couch and the armchair in Yuri's home office.

Victor may be an excellent nurse, but he's an absolutely terrible patient, and at one point it seemed to Yuri as if no amount of coaxing and cajoling would persuade him that he really should be in bed for at least part of the day. Evidently, he'd rather follow Yuri around the house like a sad puppy, or huddle under his blanket on the sofa and whine about how he’d probably die soon from dehydration or from his headache and fever, or from the ache in all his muscles.

"Wouldn't you rather pass away in the comfort of your bed?" Yuri said, trying not to let his exasperation show.

Apparently, Victor found that hilarious, and perhaps not unexpectedly his laughter devolved into a coughing fit so severe that he was gasping for air by the time it resolved and his face was wet with tears.

"Yeah," he whispered, after several seconds. "Maybe I would rather die in bed."

"Okay. Let's just tidy you up a bit first, though. No one likes a messy ending.”

Victor's eyes said he wanted to laugh again, but his body language told a different story. He placed one palm on the center of his chest and massaged slowly as if that might help ease what Yuri assumed was pain and tightness. Yuri felt sorry for him.

"I'm glad you're here to make sure I look nice and neat," Victor said.

"It's not about neatness. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Now, let's clean your face, all right?"

Victor nodded his acquiescence. He meekly allowed Yuri to pat the tears from his cheeks with a tissue and then to hold several more under his nostrils while encouraging him to blow his nose.

Yuri hadn't really understood the English phrase 'man cold' until he'd experienced one of Victor's for the first time. Back when their relationship was new, he'd panicked because he thought Victor's illness was just as serious as Victor was making it out to be. He'd rung up the emergency clinic and everything, whereupon the female nurse practitioner who took his call had laughed at him and told him to give Victor acetaminophen and herbal tea and plenty of attention.

Solid advice, he acknowledges now. Naturally, hindsight is the clearest form of vision. A little more than twenty years after that first scary situation, he's a veteran of his husband's man colds and knows exactly how to care for him on the occasions when he's under the weather.

After disposing of the tissues, he helped Victor up the stairs as best as he could, tucked him into bed, checked his temperature, and then crawled under the covers with him. Victor would've inevitably wanted cuddles, and Yuri had essentially given up on accomplishing any more work in any case, so he decided he'd save Victor the effort of having to ask him to lie down with him.

Victor made a contented little noise when Yuri snuggled against his side and wrapped an arm around him.

"Comfortable?" Yuri asked.

"No, but I like it when you're close to me," Victor replied. He reached around to run his fingers through Yuri's hair, and added, "I'm not actually dying, just so you know. I only feel like I'm going to."

"I know," Yuri said. "I'm sorry I said that."

"It was funny. No need to apologize. I might feel like I'm ready for the morgue, but my sense of humour is still alive and well."

"That's good." He shifted position slightly so he could rest his head on Victor's shoulder. "Are we going to take a nap?"

"Hmm..." was Victor's wordless response.

Yuri can't help remembering how stressed Victor used to get when he had a cold or flu. He'd desperately want to be taken care of, but he didn't want to let Yuri do it, fearing that if Yuri got too close to him he would catch whatever Victor had. Eventually, they both figured out that it didn't matter because nine times out of ten Yuri would catch it regardless. After that, Victor learned to relax and to permit Yuri to fuss over him as much as he clearly wanted.

Yuri had once remarked to his mother-in-law how he thought time had changed both him and Victor. Grace's eloquent response was, "No, time doesn't change anyone. It gives people the opportunity to change themselves."

And how we've changed ourselves, he reflects as he lies next to his sleeping husband. Our attitudes have changed. Our priorities are different than they used to be. We're stronger than before.

This thought makes him happy. He used to fear change, but over the years he's come to understand that change can be good. He and Victor learned that together.

Well, not all our priorities have changed, he amends. I still love this one to the ends of the Earth and back and I still want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Yuri's mind is drawn back to the present by more slamming noises from downstairs. It's cabinet doors this time. And...the refrigerator? The fridge door being closed so hard that he's able to hear it from Victor's room cannot be good.

Victor stirs and mumbles something that sounds like, "What's going on?"

"I'd say Caroline's home from school," Yuri replies.

"Why's she so noisy?" At least that's what Yuri imagines his husband asks. Victor is obviously awake enough to hear, but not awake enough to produce coherent speech.

"I don't know, but I think I'd better go and check."

"No, I'll go," Victor says.

Victor moves like he's attempting to get up, but Yuri holds him in place with one hand. "No, you will not. If she really needs you, I'll send her up to talk to you. Otherwise, I'll look after her."

"But—"

"No 'buts'." Yuri leans over and kisses him on the forehead. "You don't need to handle everything yourself, love. You know that. Just rest, and let me take care of this."

The fact that Victor doesn't protest any further is an eloquent testimony of how bad he's feeling. "Okay," is all he says.

"I'll be back," Yuri promises.

"Okay," Victor murmurs again.

Yuri climbs off the bed and makes his way downstairs. He's still getting used to the layout of their new home. At the old house, the kitchen was in a direct line of sight from the stairs, but here the stairs are tucked away behind a wall and he has to round the corner to observe what's going on in the kitchen, dining room or foyer. He likes it better this way, though. The new house is almost as big as the old one, but somehow it feels more compact and cozy.

As he steps past the bookcases in the corner of the living room, he's able to spot Caroline sitting at the kitchen island. Her back is to him, but he can see that she's eating something from a bowl. Her hot pink backpack is on the floor next to the stool she's seated on, and its contents are peeking out of the half-opened main compartment. He notices her swimsuit and swimming cap in a clear plastic bag. The suit looks dry.

"Caroline," he says.

She doesn't turn to acknowledge him, but she says, "Hi."

He makes his way over to join her at the island. She's eating mint chocolate chip ice cream, which is her and Victor's collective favourite ice cream flavour.

She was slamming the freezer door, then.

"How was school?" he inquires.

"You know, it was school."

"And what about swim practice? You're home early. Was it cancelled today?"

'No," she says. "I didn't go. I didn't feel like it." She scoops an excessive spoonful of ice cream into her mouth and adds around the mouthful, "Don't worry. Jack and Matilda know. I said I wasn't feeling good."

"Aren't you? Feeling well, I mean. Maybe you're coming down with what Victor has."

"No, I’m not sick. I'm fine," she asserts. “Physically, anyway."

“So, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

He smiles in spite of the circumstances. The blatant contradiction is such a typically teenage thing. "Are you certain?"

She stabs at her ice cream aggressively with the tip of her spoon. "Where's Victor?"

"He's in his room, resting. He's still not feeling well."

"Oh."

"Did you want to talk to him?"

"Yeah, but I guess it can wait," she says.

Yuri perches on the stool next to hers. "You can talk to me if you like."

He doesn't expect her to take him up on it. It's not that she never comes to him when she needs something, but he's much better at solving practical problems like how to write a good essay, who to call to get her bicycle fixed, and how to budget her money. She rarely asks him for help with more abstract personal issues, maybe because she thinks he's not good at that sort of thing, or perhaps it's because she's closer with Victor than she is with him.

Victor has always been Caroline's favourite parent. She'd bonded with him almost immediately upon meeting him, while she was still his patient, before he and Yuri even discussed the possibility of fostering her. It had taken much longer for her and Yuri to warm up to each other.

Yuri can admit he'd resented Victor's natural, easy relationship with Caroline in the beginning. He'd consoled himself by repeating over and over in his mind that it didn't matter because she was only a foster child and they wouldn't have her forever, but when Victor started bringing up the subject of adoption... To say he'd felt genuine panic would've been an understatement.

He'd been reluctant to tell Victor how he felt, but he knew he had to. Adopting a child was far too big a step for him to simply go along with it because it was something that would make Victor happy. That might've caused more discomfort and resentment in the end. It might've torn a rift between them that would've been impossible to repair, and that was the last thing Yuri wanted.

He shouldn't have been surprised at Victor's response. Rather than being upset or disappointed, Victor listened patiently while he poured out his fears and misgivings.

"I feel like an awful person," he'd confessed. He's never been one to put his emotions on display, but he'd been overwhelmed in that moment and couldn't prevent a few tears from escaping. It wasn't just his inability to embrace Caroline's presence in their lives the way Victor had that was troubling him, but also all the negative sentiments he'd been experiencing; insecurity, inadequacy, resentment, and perhaps even a little jealousy. On top of that, he was struggling under a weight of guilt and shame for having all those other feelings in the first place.

"You shouldn't," Victor told him. He'd pulled Yuri gently into his arms and let him lean against his chest. "You're not a terrible person."

"But... shouldn't I get along with her like you do?"

"Not necessarily. We all build relationships in different ways, don't we? Do you have the same relationship with both your parents?"

"No."

"No, and I don't have the same relationship with Mom that I have with Julian either, and that's okay. I love them both, and I know they love me, and that's what's important."

"That's the problem," he said. "It's obvious Caroline loves you. Shouldn't she love me too? Shouldn't she want me to help her with things and play with her and comfort her? How can I think about adopting a child who doesn't want..." He'd let the sentence fade away, unfinished. He could hardly bear to complete the thought, much less lend words to it.

"Yuri." Victor's voice was soft. He didn't speak again for several seconds, choosing instead to rub Yuri's back with the long, firm strokes Yuri had always liked. After a while, he said, "Tell me something. Do you love Caroline?"

"Yes," Yuri said. He couldn't deny that. Despite his failure to form the kind of connection with her that Victor had, he still cared deeply for her. The difficulty was, he wasn't sure she cared for him, and he was equally uncertain his love for her would be enough to make a permanent arrangement work.

As if reading his thoughts, Victor told him, "That's enough for now. Showing her you love her is the right first step. It's gonna take time for her to trust you, but you'll get there."

"She trusted you straight away. How much time will it take for me?"

"I don't know exactly," Victor said. "It could be weeks or months. You gotta keep in mind that she's been through a lot, and maybe you remind her of things she's trying to not remember right now."

"Such as?"

"Her old life. Speaking Japanese, eating with chopsticks, following all those social etiquette rules... stuff like that. Plus, you kind of look like her dad. I mean, you've seen his passport photo. I know I would've struggled if somebody who looked like my dad suddenly came into my life after he died."

"Oh." This had never occurred to Yuri before, mostly because he'd been looking at everything from his own point of view rather than trying to see things through Caroline's eyes. "Then... maybe adopting her truly isn't a good idea. I... I don't want to make it worse for her."

"You won't," Victor said. "Believe it or not, she needs something you can give her that I can't. Lots of things, actually, but she's going to learn resilience from you. She's gonna learn courage and perseverance and patience, and you know... how to pick herself up and keep going."

"Because she has a disability?"

"Yeah. I can't teach her how to live with a disability, but you can. But, it's more than just that. It's for everything in life, 'cause she's gonna fail sometimes and she might have to go through more bad experiences, and she's going to need to know how to take care of herself and not give up when stuff like that happens. You're amazing at that."

"So are you."

"Only because I've got you to support me," Victor said. "And because I figured out how to follow your example."

"But, how can I teach Caroline anything if I can't even get close to her?" he asked, hoping his desperation didn't show too much.

"Don't underestimate her," said Victor. "It's not like a violin lesson where you have to actively teach her. Just be there for her, and give her time. Let her see who you really are, and try to see her for who she really is."

"How am I meant to do that?"

"How do you do it with anybody?" Victor countered. "Like, you coexist with her, live your life alongside her, and... I don't know. Maybe ask her if there's something she'd like the two of you to do together. If you can work out what you have in common, that might help you communicate better, and I think that'd help you get closer."

Victor had been right, of course. About everything. It'd all gone much better once Yuri stopped worrying about how Caroline felt about him and turned his attention toward finding more common ground with her.

It started with gardening. One day, he asked her if she'd like to help him in the garden, and she said she would. After that, they spent a lot of time tending both the outdoor and indoor plants together. They rarely conversed at first, but they enjoyed being together nevertheless. Slowly but surely, Yuri began to feel less like an extra and more like a main character in the story of his family's life again.

Then, a day came when Caroline noticed him clipping his bonsai tree and asked him about it. Without thinking, he answered her in Japanese, something he'd been careful to avoid doing for the several preceding weeks.

To his utter shock, Caroline began to cry. Alarmed, he put down his shears and dropped to one knee so that he was at eye level with the six year old. When he asked her what was wrong, she told him tearfully that she missed speaking Japanese.

"I thought you didn't want to," he said.

"I didn't," she agreed. "You know, 'cause it made me sad. But then I got scared that I might forget, but I was also kinda scared to tell you that I changed my mind."

"It's okay," he said. "You can tell me anything you want. You don't have to be scared. I'll always listen to you, and I won't be upset if you change your mind about something."

"Really?"

"Really," he assured her. "People don't always feel the same way about everything all the time. It's totally normal to change your mind about things, especially if you know something new that you didn't know before."

"Like... how I didn't want to eat hot dogs, but now I do 'cause I know they don't really have dogs in them?"

Yuri smiled. "Yeah, exactly like that."

"Yuri?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have my own bonsai tree? I want you to teach me how to make it pretty like yours. Then I'll know something else I didn't know before, and maybe I'll want to change my mind about... other stuff."

She did not elaborate on what 'other stuff' meant, but Yuri was sure he could guess. "Of course you can have your own tree. We can ask ojii-chan to send you one from Japan. Would you like that?"

Could he have gotten her a tree from a local plant nursery? Obviously he could have, but it somehow seemed more appropriate to ask his parents to send one.

That was exactly the right choice, as things turned out. Caroline got very excited when Yuri told her his father had sent them a tracking number for the package, and for the next few days it became their little ritual to check the location of Caroline's tree on its journey from Japan to Canada. When the courier arrived, Caroline wanted to sign for the box herself, and the man graciously let her do it. Yuri scrawled his initials next to Caroline's wobbly signature, and thanked the courier for such good service.

The little tree was perfect. It survived its long voyage with no damage, and only needed water and sunlight for it to get back to looking its best. Caroline cherished it, caring for it and talking to it as if it were a pet, and she eventually learned how to trim it herself. She still tends it with as much care and dedication as she did back then, and she still loves to show it off to visitors. Under her hands, the tiny juniper tree is thriving.

It's a lot like Caroline herself, he thinks.

He'd had to learn how to nurture her, how to guide her and teach her to grow. He didn't always get it right, and as flawless a parent as Victor appeared to be, he made mistakes sometimes too. Overall, though, Yuri is proud of their progress, and he's exceptionally proud of the daughter he and Victor have raised together.

Caroline's voice inserts itself into his musings. "If I talk to you, are you going to pay attention?"

Yuri blinks. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was lost in thought."

"Long day, I guess."

"Victor's a handful when he's ill."

The smallest hint of a smile lifts the corners of Caroline's mouth. "Is he dying this time?"

"Yes, quite dramatically if you must know," Yuri says. "In a scene taken straight from a soap opera, I'd say."

This elicits a laugh. "That's how you know it's not as bad as he wants you to believe it is. If he was really sick or in a lot of pain, he wouldn't be all dramatic and stuff. Remember when he had to get those two teeth out?"

Yuri does remember. There hadn't been any theatrics that day; just Victor with his bruised and swollen jaw, crying quietly in the passenger's seat of Yuri's car on the way home from the hospital. He'd gone straight to bed with no fuss as soon as they got home, and later that evening he'd let Caroline feed him puréed fruit mixed with protein powder, with a look in his eyes of such profound gratitude that it made Yuri's heart ache to see it.

Yuri nods. "You're right. That was different."

"He'll be okay," Caroline says.

"I know, but how about you? Are you going to be all right?"

Caroline sighs. "Yeah, probably. I'm mad, but I'll get over it. It's dumb teenager stuff anyway."

"It can't be all that trivial, if you wanted to talk to Victor about it and it made you want to skip swim practice and break all the cabinet doors," Yuri says.

"Sorry about that."

"It's fine. You're not in trouble," he says. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

She eats a spoonful of ice cream, and then sits there with the spoon still in her mouth, clearly weighing up her options. Finally, she puts the spoon down and then turns slightly on her stool so she can look at him directly. "I think I'm going to break up with Forest."

This pronouncement takes him by surprise. "Why?"

"We had a fight," she says. "Not some silly disagreement over some random thing, but like, a really serious argument."

"About what?"

"You know this week at school is Futures Week, right?"

'Yes," Yuri says. "I remembered that was happening this week."

"We're in our last year of high school, and we've gotta start planning what we're going to do after," Caroline says. "They've got people from different universities and colleges coming in to give presentations, and even some guy from the military was there. Plus, we can schedule meetings with the school's guidance counsellors, and today was career day, where they had all these different professionals come in and set up tables in the gym so that we could meet them and talk about what it's like to have different kinds of jobs."

"I know about that too. James went there to represent our firm."

"I know. I talked to him. Felicity Greene's dad too, and Uncle Leo, although I don't really want to be a lawyer or a preschool teacher. Felicity said it was weird that her dad was there, and like, no surprise that Nora didn't even go 'cause she was too embarrassed about her dad being there. Honestly, I wouldn't have been embarrassed. I would've liked it if you and Victor came."

"We were otherwise occupied," he says. "But, you were telling me about you and Forest, weren't you?"

"Stupid Forest," she grumbles.

"What happened?"

"Forest didn't go either," she declares.

"Do you mean, he didn't go to school today?"

"No, he was at school, but he didn't sign up for any of the university presentations this week, and he totally refused to come to the career thing. He hid in the library the whole time."

"That doesn't sound good."

"You know my friend Mohammad? He saw Forest in there and he told me, so I went to get him, and that's how the argument started." She looks away from him momentarily as her pale skin turns deep pink. "We... we got kicked out of the library."

"Did you get detention?"

She shakes her head. "No. We went outside so we could keep talking, but that's when it really got bad. Forest told me he's not going to university."

Yuri frowns. "I thought he was planning to go to art school."

"I thought so too," Caroline says, "But now he's not. He says he doesn't want to waste his time and his parents' money on something that probably isn't going to help him get a job anyway. He says he's just going to keep working at the pizza place after graduation until... until whenever we get married. Can you believe he actually said that? I never said I wanted to marry him!"

"Didn't you?" Yuri queries. "The way I recall it, you and Forest have both been saying since you were seven years old that you want to marry each other some day."

"Yeah, well... I changed my mind," she says adamantly. "Maybe I said I wanted to marry him before I realized he has like, absolutely zero ambition. How can he be happy making pizza for minimum wage? How does a person not care about their own future?"

"There are loads of reasons why somebody might not care about their future," Yuri says.

"I'm sure none of them are very good reasons," Caroline scoffs. "Anyway, I can't be with somebody who doesn't even have goals."

Yuri is silent for a handful of seconds as he composes his thoughts. At last, he asks quietly, "Have you ever considered that you're his goal?"

Caroline peers at him, a look of perplexity on her face. "What do you mean? How can a person be another person's goal?"

"You and Forest remind me a lot of Victor and me," he says. "For the longest time, I didn't have any goals or ambitions for the future either. The only thing I wanted in life was to be with Victor. I wanted him to stay close to me and love me and give me as much attention as possible, and I wanted him to be happy. I thought that if he was happy, that would make me happy."

"Yeah, that kind of sounds like Forest," she affirms.

"And you're like Victor. You've got plans and dreams. You want to have adventures and accomplish loads of things in your life."

"Exactly."

"Another way you're like him is that your happiness doesn't depend on other people."

Caroline nods. "I learned that from Victor, actually. I remember when I was little and I'd be upset, he always told me that it was okay to feel angry or sad or scared, but that I shouldn't let myself stay like that. Like, he said if I wanted to feel better I could get there, 'cause my happiness is my own responsibility."

"He's right," Yuri says. "I know because he taught me that, too."

"Really?"

"Really. I used to be scared about quite a lot of things, and that was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't have any goals for myself. I was too afraid I'd fail at anything I tried, so I barely tried to do anything new. Then, I was depressed and frustrated, thinking about how I'd never accomplish anything."

"So, what did you do?"

"I ate a strawberry."

Caroline laughs out loud. "You always say strawberries make everything better. But seriously, what did you do? How'd you fix yourself? 'Cause you've never seemed like the type of person who's afraid of much of anything to me."

"I really ate a strawberry." Yuri repeats. He recalls the monumental effort it'd taken to pick up his chopsticks and feed himself that one small piece of fruit. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Caroline is staring at him as if he's setting up for some sort of joke. "But, you love strawberries."

"I do," he concedes. "But that doesn't mean it's always been easy for me to eat them. The winter before we moved here from Japan, I was so ill that I didn't know if I'd survive it. I couldn't eat, and I was so weak and in so much pain that I couldn't even sit up in bed on my own. My doctor decided that if she was going to keep me alive, I'd need to have a feeding tube, so that's what we did."

"Is that what the little scar on your belly is from?"

"It is," he confirms. "One might think it'd be scary to get all your nourishment through a tube in your stomach, but it was such a relief to me. It meant I didn't have to physically eat anything, and I knew the formula would be safe and wouldn't cause me any pain. That eliminated the anxiety of eating."

"Eating gave you anxiety? Like... just eating?"

"Yes, and it still does sometimes, as hard as that might be to grasp."

"It kind of is, honestly. I love eating."

"I know you do. That's another way you're more like Victor than like me." He smiles. "I'm glad you love to eat. I wouldn't wish my problems on anybody."

"So, what happened?" she prompts. "Obviously you started eating real food again."

"I had to go through a lot of therapy," he says. "The goal was to remove the tube within a year, and as much as I was relieved that I didn't have to put food in my mouth for a while, I also knew I didn't want to live with the tube long-term. So, my doctor and therapist got me to start by setting small goals, and the first one was that if I wanted to eat anything by mouth, I had to feed myself."

"You weren't feeding yourself?"

"No."

"Why?" Caroline asks.

"It was too difficult," he replies. "At least that's what I'd convinced myself of, but the truth was, I'd essentially given up on everything. I couldn't imagine a future with anything other than more pain and fear and failure, and it was... too much."

"But eating a strawberry changed your mind?"

"It wasn't actually as simple as that, but eating a strawberry showed me what was possible," he says. "Victor was having a fruit salad. The strawberries were fresh and they smelled delicious, and I really wanted one, but Victor wasn't allowed to feed it to me. It took all the willpower I had in me to put that strawberry into my mouth, and I almost changed my mind at the last second, but to this day I'm glad I didn't. Now I like to think that one strawberry was the beginning of the rest of my life."

"How?"

"Because it made me realize even the smallest victories matter," he says. "Because I started to understand that success can be measured in tiny increments and doesn't have to be something huge or spectacular. But, mostly because I finally saw that I could do things for myself, that I could set goals and work for them."

"So... you're saying Forest should eat a strawberry?"

"Metaphorically speaking, yes."

"How can I get him to do it?" Caroline wants to know.

Yuri reaches across the space between them and touches her hand lightly. "That's the thing, little one. You can't."

"But—"

"Forest has to be ready to learn that lesson on his own," Yuri says. "I'm sure Victor was frustrated with me sometimes, and maybe he even secretly questioned why he'd agreed to marry someone with so little self-worth, but he never pushed me. That wouldn't have worked."

"What did he do?"

"He stuck with me even when I thought he'd be better off leaving. He was patient with me, and he loved me when I didn't know how to love myself."

Caroline picks up her spoon again and begins to fidget with it. "Are you saying I shouldn't break up with Forest?"

"No," Yuri says. "Only you and Forest can decide whether or not that's the right choice. What I'm saying is to give yourselves some time to calm down after what happened today, and then ask him if the two of you can talk. Arguing is normal, but you need to deal with the thing that caused the argument to begin with."

"Even if we're not going to be girlfriend and boyfriend?"

"Even so, especially if you still want to be friends with him."

"I do," Caroline says emphatically. "I love Forest. He’s my best friend. Even if we end up marrying other people some day, I always want us to be friends."

"If that's truly how you feel, then don't give up on him," Yuri says. "You can still help him even if you're not in a relationship."

"But... you just said I can't make him eat the metaphorical strawberry."

"You can't make him do it, but that doesn't mean you can't show him the way. You can talk to him and try to find out what's holding him back, and you can support and encourage him when he wants to try new things."

"Like getting his driver's license?"

"Exactly. If you're proud of him for doing that, then tell him."

"I am," she says. "That was a big deal 'cause he was so scared he wouldn't pass the road test, but he did it."

"Then make a big deal of it," Yuri says. "That might seem silly, but unless I miss my guess, it won't seem silly at all to Forest."

"Do you think it'll work?"

"Only time will tell," he says. "The surest way to find out is to try."

"Okay," Caroline says. She slips off her stool and steps forward to hug him. "Thanks for the talk, Papa."

He reciprocates the embrace, pleased as always to hear her call him 'Papa' and to get a hug from her. She's physically demonstrative like Victor, and although her spontaneous displays of affection sometimes made him uncomfortable in the early days, he's grown to appreciate them very much.

"You're welcome," he says.

"Is it okay if I go upstairs and say hi to Victor now?"

"I'm sure he'd like that, but don't disturb him if he's sleeping."

"I know," Caroline says. "If he's sleeping, I'll just stay in there and start my homework. You know, so he won't be alone when he wakes up."

"Good idea," Yuri says. "I was going to go back up there with him and I thought perhaps we'd order something for dinner, but now that you're here, you can keep him company and I can cook instead."

"What are you going to make?"

"How do you feel about carrot and ginger soup? That's fairly easy. And I can make grilled cheese sandwiches for you and Victor."

"We like those," Caroline says. "Ice cream for dessert?"

Yuri smiles. "Haven't you already had enough ice cream?"

"Is there such a thing as too much ice cream?" She gathers her backpack from the floor and slings the strap over her shoulder before turning to leave. “You can text me when it's ready. That way, you won't have to yell."

Yuri waves in the direction of the stairs. "Go. I'll just bring your sandwiches to you, and then you can come down here for soup afterwards."

"Cool. Thanks!"

Yuri watches her as she disappears around the edge of the bookcases. He can hear her bounding up the steps with all the energy her mere seventeen years afford her and wonders if, like Victor, she'll retain most of that energy into middle age. Caroline and Victor may not be biologically related, but they're so much alike that they might as well be.

Both of us may be her parents, but she's truly his child.

Shaking his head, Yuri returns to the kitchen. He picks up Caroline's abandoned bowl and spoon, rinses them, and puts them in the dishwasher. Typically he would've asked her to do that herself, but today is an atypical day.

He puts on some classical music and then focuses on the business of making dinner. Carrot soup is one of his favourite dishes. Victor used to make it for him often when he was relearning how to eat, and once he'd graduated to doing meal preparation, he began making it on his own. Usually, they have it with garlic bread and a garden salad topped with diced chicken, but Victor hasn't had much of an appetite today and Yuri guesses he'd prefer to have his favourite comfort food, grilled cheese. Besides, grilled cheese sandwiches are a lot less effort.

He prepares the soup first. While it's simmering in the slow cooker and filling the kitchen with the warm aroma of ginger, he gets to work on the grilled cheese. He decides he'll have peanut butter toast to go with his soup, since he doesn't like cheese, but he can get that ready after he finishes with the sandwiches for Victor and Caroline.

Soon enough, he's making his way up the stairs with a tray laden with two golden grilled sandwiches and two mugs of steaming green tea with honey. He passes Caroline's room and is nearly at the half-opened door of Victor's when he catches the thread of a conversation.

"...and I don't think he realizes it, but he's a totally amazing parent."

Victor's voice is hoarse, but he sounds much more awake and alert than he did earlier. "I think so too."

Yuri pauses outside the door and tries to peek into the room without being noticed. Victor is lying diagonally across his bed, and Caroline is sitting cross-legged beside him, holding his hand. Caroline is facing away from the door, and he thinks she's likely blocking Victor's view of the hallway.

"I was so mad, but Yuri knew exactly what to say," Caroline continues. "Like, he understood the problem right away and he told me what I should do, and it actually made a lot of sense."

"You shouldn't be shocked," says Victor. "You know, he's very smart and his advice is just as valid as mine. Maybe more so, depending on the subject. There's stuff he can do a lot better than I can."

"Well, he's really good at explaining stuff, and he knows how to get me to see things from a different perspective." Caroline says. "He helped me a lot with what happened today."

Yuri can hear Victor's smile in his voice. "You should tell him that. Sometimes he still worries about whether or not he's doing a good job."

There's no hesitation in Caroline's reply. "He's always done a good job. You're my favourite, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate him or that he's not good at being a dad. He's awesome and I love him just as much as I love you."

"I'm glad," Victor says. "You know, it'd make his day to hear that."

"I'll tell him," Caroline says.

For a moment Yuri stays in place, trying to take in what he's just overheard. Then, not wanting to give away the fact that he was eavesdropping, he backs carefully down the hall and approaches the door again, deliberately making a bit of noise this time.

He halts in the doorway of Victor's room with a cheerful, "Dinner is served!"

It sounds a bit too upbeat to his ears, but Caroline doesn't seem to notice. Victor does, though. He catches Yuri's eye, smiles and mouths, "Nice one." Yuri wonders whether Victor was able to see him in the hallway after all.

Caroline bounces off the bed and comes over to inspect the tray. "This smells so good!"

"The soup is ready too, if you want some of that."

"Yes, please," Caroline says as she lifts one of the plates. "I'm going to take this to the kitchen and have some soup too, and then I'm going to FaceTime with Felicity because I promised her I'd help her with our math homework."

"Isn't Felicity's mother a financial analyst or something?" Victor asks.

"Yeah, but Felicity says she doesn't know how to make math simple," Caroline explains. "She'd rather get help from somebody who can tell her how to do it step by step, so... Captain Math to the rescue."

"All right, Captain Math," Yuri says. "Enjoy your dinner and your study session."

As Caroline exits the room, Yuri sets the tray with the remaining sandwich and the two cups of tea on the bedside table. Victor sits up, and remarks, "That does look good. I wish I could smell it."

"Hopefully you'll be able to taste it," Yuri says.

"We're about to find out." He picks up half the sandwich and bites into it. With his mouth full, he continues, "So, I guess you heard Caroline singing your praises?"

Yuri looks away. His face is suddenly hot, and he says, "Sorry. I wasn't intentionally spying on the two of you."

"I know," Victor says. He pats the space next to him. "Come here and let me tell you why Caroline is right."

Yuri obligingly climbs onto the bed and then reaches across Victor to get one of the mugs of tea before finally settling against Victor's side. "You think she's right?"

Victor slides an arm around his shoulders. "Why wouldn't I? You are totally amazing as a partner and a parent, and Caroline is right about you having a talent for getting people to see things in new ways. I knew that about you before we ever had Caroline, but how you're able to break stuff down in a way that she understands? That's a real skill, and you know what else?"

"What else?"

"You passed it on to her."

"At least I passed something along to her."

"What are you talking about? You've given her a lot. Whether or not you realize it, she's like you in a lot of ways. She's strong and determined like you, and she's practical and logical and great at reading people. Plus, she has your sense of humour."

"That... that's not exactly something to be proud of."

"Sure it is," Victor says. "You can make me laugh, and sometimes that's worth more than all the wealth in the universe."

"Did I really give all that to Caroline?" Yuri asks.

"Yeah, you did. That, and a lot more. You can ask her if you want to. I'm pretty sure she wants to tell you."

"I'm not sure I'd be comfortable asking."

"That's okay," Victor says. "I think she'll tell you on her own, when she finds the right moment."

Yuri closes his eyes and leans into the warmth of his husband's one-armed embrace. "I never thought we'd reach this point," he says. "Caroline and me, I mean."

"I knew you would," Victor says.

"That's because you're an eternal optimist."

Victor kisses the top of his head. "It's easy to be optimistic when I have such a great family. You and Caroline make me happy and you help me keep my faith in humanity. How could I think the future's gonna be anything but good with the two of you around?"

Yuri contemplates this for a moment, and feels his features gradually relax into a smile. They may have had a rough beginning, but everything is better now, and he has to acknowledge Victor is right. Their lives may not be perfect and they may have difficult times ahead, but that doesn't mean the future won't be good. His family loves him and he loves them. No matter what happens, with the three of them all supporting each other, they can make the best of it.

#sapphire writes #not a YOI fanfic #not fanfic at all actually #yuri okamoto #victor nelson #caroline okamoto nelson #writing #long form fiction #stargazersims

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starseneyes · 2 years

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Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 2 Ep 10, 11, & 12

This feels like a lot to put into one Meta. But, since I'm chunking these out and taking requests, it makes sense to me. Yes, "Day of Death" is a defining Chenford episode. But I feel like you need the context of what lead up to it and the fallout on the other side to fully understand its impact and discuss it.

SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want to be spoiled, you don't want to read this. While I do write these as though I'm watching the episodes for the first time and try not to let fore-knowledge come into play, I will be spoiling these episodes in their entirety and everything that came before.

All squared away? Alright, lets dive in.

The Dark Side

"The single men in LA suck. Every time I go out on a date, and they find out that I'm a cop, they just get scared off." ... "Look, those aren't men. Those are boys, okay? Real men are not afraid of strong women."

Heck, yeah, they aren't! Lucy, honey, I get that it's tough out there for you, right now. But someday there will be a single man in LA who doesn't suck and isn't afraid of strong women. You'll see.

But right now, you're looking for anyone who isn't a total dud, and I get that.

"...dating a civilian is a bad idea." "I was told dating cops was a mistake. What am I supposed to do, join a nunnery? Sister Office Lucy Chen?"

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything the first time I heard this line because there would have been soda everywhere. My husband heard the line over my shoulder and cracked up, too.

And you might be thinking, "Why is she going into all this? Tim and Lucy are nowhere near ready for romance". Welp, I want to show Lucy's mentality in this episode and will explain once we get to 2x11 how it feeds into the situation and the mis-read from Tim.

"Look, no, I'm saying that right now end of shift means leaving the job behind when you go home. But in success, each one of you is gonna catch cases that kick your ass, that consume your every waking thought. And non-cops won't be able to identify. Worse, they're gonna resent you for caring more about the dead than the living."

It's an interesting thought, and for those of us in Season 5, there's a lot to consider, here. I mean, Lucy was cautioned against dating cops, but Isabel and Tim were Rookies and nobody gave him crap about it, from what we know.

Look, I'm not sorry Lucy and Nolan broke up. But, I do think Lucy should consider dating another cop down the line. *cough* Tim *cough*

"Caleb." "Lucy."

It's a chance meeting at the right time. Lucy is on the hunt for a non-mutant man in Los Angeles, and she ends up at the bar with someone who seems semi-safe.

After the conversation she just had with her friends, we can see she really wants to be with someone.

"I was in college when they found the first victims. It was all anyone talked about. That, and how could a woman be so barbaric." "I worked one of the scenes, fourth victim, Lisa Cruz. Homicide detectives warned me not to look at the body. Should've listened."

I love how they're speaking to one another so openly about the whole thing. There's an ease to how they're walking side-by-side that feels lived-in. Yes, he's still her TO, but this is a glimpse at the other side of him—the one that knows how to have a conversation without screaming or scheming.

"Caleb, from the bar last night... I hope this isn't weird, but you left with your perp before I had a chance to ask for your number."

Tim is giving this guy the side-eye. Look, we are nowhere near romance for this pair, but Tim has come to care about Lucy. He wouldn't call her a friend, yet, but they're definitely on their way.

And Lucy's picking up on Tim's hovering, but I don't think either of them could pick up on the why. My husband swooped in to offer his opinion that Tim picked up bad vibes, but wrote it off because it made him look jealous. I don't think he's far off.

I think Tim was being a little protective. Not necessarily because of romance (everything with Isabelle is very fresh at this point). But, while Lucy is still his "Boot", she is crossing that line more and more towards "friend". Tim cares about what happens with Lucy.

He's trying to watch out for her, but she doesn't want a chaperone. For goodness sake, she's a grown woman, right?

"We don't call them perps." "Right, sorry. Anyway, this is my number. If you ever feel like waiting in vain for a drink, give me a call."

Tim Bradford with the save!! He snatches that tiny piece of paper so fast the camera barely catches it. That's a super hero, my friends.

"You got a last name, Caleb?" "Yes sir. Wright with a W." "What do you do? If you say screenwriter, you're going in a cell."

Lucy's horrified. This might be the worst thing Tim has ever done, in her mind.

Remember, at this point everything with Tim is a test. Everything could be used as subterfuge, and she can't trust what's he's going to do with the information he's gathering.

"I manage a medical supply company downtown." "I'm sorry about him. Things are a little crazy right now." "No problem. It was nice meeting you. Officer."

Tim gives her a "can you believe that guy" look, but she has that same energy directed at him. Tim's surprised by that. He really thought she'd appreciate him looking out for her.

She holds out her hand for her piece of paper, and Tim hands it over as she mouths, "Oh my god".

"Ten bucks that isn't even his dog." "It's been an awful day. Can't I just enjoy a cute puppy?"

Tim's getting a look into how Lucy unwinds and relaxes. All day, she's been sneaking glimpses at Caleb's socials to get a feel for him, and it's helping distract her from the no-good day.

Tim of this era hasn't yet learned how to help Lucy talk through things. But he has learned that Lucy and distractions work well for moderating her panic.

Think of the episode with the nuclear bomb and how they spent the whole episode talking about how to sabotage her ex's wedding. Distraction helps her.

"If I can be wheels up in the next 10 minutes, I might beat the afternoon traffic which means I will be in bed in the next hour."

I love how conversational they're being here. You can already tell the lines of TO and friend are starting to blur.

"That's a mistake." "What? Why?" "Look, after working a hardcore assignment like this, you need to go blow off some steam after shift. You know, give your brain a different focus. It's the only way you have a fighting chance of actually sleeping."

This isn't a Tim Test. He's trying to give her advice. Keep this in mind, my friends. It'll come back.

"As my Training Officer, are you saying that I should go get a drink?" "A strong one. Maybe even with another human."

Tim is really trying to do the right thing, here. He snatched away Caleb's phone number earlier, but Lucy's been cyber-stalking him all day and she looks interested.

"Well, I am here to distract you."

I swear I didn't remember that line when I wrote the part above about Lucy needing a distraction.

And we all know that what started as a distracting night led to a nightmare for Lucy.

Before we move on, I want to talk a little bit about Season 2 Tim and Lucy. I know a lot of people love what DOD does for Chenford in terms of progression. But I argue it doesn't cause the shift, but only expedites it.

Look at Tim in this episode, for example. He's downright conversational and friendly with Lucy. Yes, he tells her to get her head in the game instead of looking at Caleb. Yes, he teases her about her first Decomp, but that's the extent of it.

He talks with her openly and honestly about Rosalind. He tries to protect her from Caleb when he thinks the guy's just an unworthy suitor. He tries to give her advice at the end that isn't attached to any "lesson" but simply sharing what he's learned.

Frankly, I think that's what Lucy expected in a TO—someone to talk her through and give her sage advice. And then she got Tim.

Tim doesn't hand out advice willy-nilly. He's a "show" guy, right? Same thing with how he teaches. He's not much of a "talker" with Lucy when it comes to her training. He's trying to get her to think for herself by putting her through her paces.

But this whole episode, he's talking to her. Heck, he's talking with her. Tim doesn't make friends with his Boots, but Lucy is becoming the exception. They aren't there, yet, but they're on their way.

If we look at this episode separated from DOD (if we can), you can see that Tim and Lucy are already moving towards friends. The events of DOD expedites it, I argue, but they would have eventually gotten there on their own. Tim and Lucy are inevitable.

Day of Death

"My day of death."

The pain of a tattoo. The hangover of whatever drugs he gave her. The inability to move her limbs or fight back. Trying to take note of her surroundings, of anything that might be helpful if she can get away.

And that horrible fear that she won't.

"Sergeant."

It takes Harper two seconds to clock the conversation between the men, and she's the first to jump on it. Why? We'll get to that next episode.

"Lucy did not come home last night. She's not responding to texts or calls." "Did she go out with that guy? The one she met at the bar. Caleb Wright with a W."

He remembers it clearly, but he's trying not to panic. After all, his first date with Rachel was *ahem* memorable. Maybe Lucy moves at that same pace?

"Lucy doesn't do one-night stands." "And she's never late."

Her friends know her well, and Grey's smart enough to run with it. Let's be real, there are scenarios where a Sergeant might not listen, might not take it seriously, might not actually do anything.

This is television, and we're not going to let Lucy Chen go quietly into that good night. But it hits me so hard that there are so many cases where alarm bells are rung and left unanswered.

"Why are you doing this?"

Lucy's trying to keep her head in the game. That's what Tim told her to do last episode, right? Keep your head in the game.

"It's for you. To force you to face the truth of your death. It's the gift of something we rarely get in life—clarity."

Fuck you. I'm sorry. Lucy's thinking it and it needed to be said.

"... we believe Caleb is Rosalind's protege, and he took Officer Chen."

The news slams into Tim. And nobody else in the room sees it or knows why. He doesn't even wait to be dismissed. He rushes out of the room, phone dialing before he makes it through the door.

Because this is too much for him to handle. Tim has tried to handle a lot of things on his own. He's famous for isolating himself and trying to pretend he's fine. But this time he calls his best friend. Because he can't do this alone.

"Lucy's been taken. I need you." "On my way."

"Lucy". Not "Chen". Because in his mind, Lucy is already becoming more than a Boot. No, we're not talking romance, here. We're talking friendship. Kinship. Someone he cares about.

Tim Bradford has a very short list, so the fact that his Rookie is close to making the list is significant. But I'm not one who thinks Tim's romantically interested in her all the way back in Season 2. This thing's grown organically over time, though I'd argue DOD gave it a push, as did certain other episodes covered in Future Metas.

"Look, I know I haven't known Lucy as long as the rest of you, but I do know that she's a fighter."

Hell, yeah, our queen is!

"She's gonna do everything she can to stay alive until we save her."

And she does. She fights like hell and does everything she can to survive. But she's weak. She's lethargic. She's drugged. And she's isolated. Utterly alone.

Imagine that moment of fighting your way out, hoping that there'll be someone to hear your voice, to come to your aid, to get the help you so desperately need... and there's no one.

How much of the fight can you keep alive when you realize how little chance you have of surviving?

"... I can't just sit here."

Here's more of a "show" guy. And there's nobody to show.

"I'm fine. Just blowing off steam."

What he told Lucy to do. What he thought would be safe. What he thought would be relaxing. What he thought would be distracting. What he thought would be fun.

He's not blowing off steam. He's a pressurized gasket ready to explode.

"I get it, but you gotta get your head in the game." "I don't need a pep talk." "Then why'd you call me? Clearly you need to get something off your chest."

Tim forgets the power of words, sometimes. We see it a lot through the season. Maybe it's because he never learned how to use them growing up.

FAST FORWARD: We're a ways away from Season 4 and Tim's backstory episodes that help illuminate just how bad it was for him. Tim's father didn't use words. He used his fists. His mother likely didn't use words, either. They didn't talk about what he went through. He never learned to express himself that way. It takes someone coaxing it out of him, and right now that's his best friend.

"She wanted to go home. Okay? Go to bed. I told her that she should focus on something else. She went out with Caleb because I told her to."

And he's carrying the weight of that guilt. It's too heavy for him to bear. Tim Bradford has carried too many weights, and this one is too much. Did he doom his Rookie to die?

"You couldn't have known."

Angela's whole attitude shifts (how could it not?) because Tim Bradford is expressing emotions with his best friend. And that is huge and this whole thing is horrible.

"But I should have. I'm a cop. I was standing this close to the guy, okay? Right across from him and I never saw him coming. But she did, though. She... Some part of her didn't feel right about this whole thing. She hesitated. And I pushed her right at him."

He's wrong. It has to be said that Lucy might not have gone out with Caleb that night, but it could have been another night. Tim only thinks this because of his own guilt, his own pain, his own frustrations with himself for not being Super Cop.

Lucy wanted to go out with this guy. Maybe she wouldn't have gone out that night without the push. But Caleb was a serial killer, and would've put her on his list sooner or later... and more women would have died in the meantime. It's not Tim's fault any more than it's Lucy's.

He thinks he failed Lucy, but this isn't a situation where you can predict every move. We're not going to victim-blame here. We're not going to point fingers.

Because minus the serial killer plot, this shit happens every day. Around the world, there are people whose drinks are spiked, people who are abducted, people who have their choice and consent ripped from them.

And it's not the victim's fault in any way. And it's not the fault of a friend who suggested they have a fun night out. It's no one's fault but the asshole who perpetrated the crime.

Getting off my soap box, here, now, to get back to the Meta. But watching Tim go through this reminds me of how I still struggle with blaming myself for a friend of mine OD'ing because I didn't reach out to them that night.

What if I'd reached out? What if I hadn't ignored their vague Facebook post thinking that I'd only be adding to their frustrations and that they needed the night to cool off? Would they still be here if I'd commented? Or sent them a message? I'm a state away, so I couldn't reasonably drive... but could I have done something that would have meant they'd still be here?

I know I can't blame myself. But there are some days I still struggle with it. Because she's gone. And I'll never ever know if I could have helped. Cognitively, I know it's not my fault. I couldn't have done anything, but there's that part of you that still thinks... you made the wrong call, and if you'd called it the other way, it might be different, now.

"If I get that away from you, it's going right in your brain."

She kept her head in the game. She's up against life and death, here, and she's at the disadvantage. But she's a fucking fighter. Look, we know that Lucy is tough. This is something else entirely. She's staring down the murderer who wants to hear her scream, who wants to soak up her agony, who wants to get her to crumble.

And Lucy Chen's standing up to that asshole with the ultimate, "Fuck You" by not giving in.

She must want to cry. She must want to scream. But Lucy Chen is a fighter, and she's not going down easy.

Lucy Leaves a Clue

It's a long shot. It's such a bloody long shot. But she has to try. Lucy truly believes that she will be found, long shot as it is.

And that hope can be a powerful thing. Caleb tried to wield it against her, but he's no match for her.

"Any last words?" "Yeah. You're gonna be dead long before I am."

Damn right, Lucy Chen. Damn right.

"Now, I am responsible for a life that is in jeopardy, and I will do whatever I have to to save her."

And he means it. Watch Jackson's surprise to see Tim Bradford slam a guy's head against the horn. Because Tim's unhinged, here. Someone he cares about has been taken, and he doesn't give a damn what happens to him or his career.

He'll let it all fall if it means Lucy survives.

FAST FORWARD: We talk a lot about how Tim makes sacrifices for Lucy where his career is concerned. And while in later seasons it becomes their thing, I think in this case he'd have done it for any of his few friends. We later see him risk it all for Angela when she's kidnapped, too. Tim has a separate code for his friends. And Lucy's falling more under it over time. Again not romantic... yet.

"There can be charges in here that lead us to Caleb."

Did you clock that brief smile? Before Jackson walks up, Tim thinks they're at a dead end. Lucy's lost. She's gone. And he'll never get to atone for his mistake.

Jackson brings a sliver of light and hope, and it's enough that Tim actually briefly grins. It's not over, yet.

"Stars shining bright above you..."

The song. Lucy's song to keep herself calm and regulate her breathing. Yes, not talking would have been better, but she needs this. She needs light and life and love. Something bright to pierce the darkness.

Her oxygen is running low, and she's having more trouble breathing, more trouble seeing a way out. The last thing she's going to give that bastard is the satisfaction of watching her scream.

And Melissa O'Neil is breaking my heart. Acting-wise, she is literally in a barrel. There's no one to react off of. There's no one feeding her lines.

It's just Lucy in a barrel, and it's up to the actress to make us feel. No cool camera angles. No sweeping score. Melissa O'Neil had to carry us through this and she did it masterfully.

Yes, the Writers decided to have her singing this song. The script, or a Director or Editor decided to strip the rest of the sound from the overlapping visuals (there's a lot of playing with sound and its impact in this episode that's jaw-droppingly beautiful).

But Melissa O'Neil is the one who has to make us believe it. And we do.

A Glint of Light

Tim's eyes scan the miles of land, looking for some sign of disturbance to clue him in on Lucy's location. But it's something that doesn't belong that grabs his attention—something that literally catches the light of the sun and draws Tim in. Her ring.

He picks it up, still uncertain, but following the clue. A few kicks and... a thunk.

"I've got her! I've got her!"

Tim starts digging in the ground with his bare hands, the grit getting under his fingernails, the dust getting into his lungs. He registers the others, but only barely. He has to get to Lucy.

The ground gives way enough to reach the lid. Tim's hands are all over it, Nyla on one side and Jackson on the other. When they can finally see her, Tim asks for help as they pull her out. But he hovers, staying close, being certain he is the one to make sure she's alive.

Because if she's dead, it's on him.

Look, we know Tim didn't do anything wrong. But Tim Bradford carries a lot of scars and blames himself for a lot of things he shouldn't. And if he can't get to her in time, if he pulls her out and she's truly gone... he can never atone for this.

She's not breathing. Tim blows into her mouth and starts pumping on her chest. The sound drains from the world... just the discordant notes sounding off and echoing like the dying hope of Lucy surviving.

Lucy gasps, and the sound returns to the world. Each person takes a breath of relief. But then the sound zeroes in only on two people—Lucy and Tim.

"You're so strong," he murmurs, soft enough for her to hear, but no one else. But she doesn't hear anything. It's too much. It's all too fucking much. The sobs she'd held in before finally spill out as Tim pulls her close, holding her tight.

He thought he'd lost her. And, again, there's no romance here. But she matters, damnit. She matters to Tim more than he thought she would when they first met. He presses a hand to her hair, pushing his face next to hers.

It screams "I'm here. I'm here." Because in his mind, he is the one who failed her and it had to be him to save her. He owed it to her. He was responsible for her. He fucked up.

And it almost cost her her life.

Again, I don't think that. But Tim does. He truly believes he's the one who failed her. And when you have very few people in your life who care about you (and Lucy has demonstrated many times that she does care about Tim), you don't want to do anything to lose that.

But Tim believes he almost lost Lucy because he wasn't good enough. It plays so much into his childhood trauma, his trauma with his ex-wife, and everything else. Tim thinks he failed.

She doesn't cling to him, no. Her hands shake and her body convulses from the pain. But she lets him hold her there, back in the air, out of her barrel.

Tim isn't her person, yet. But she cares about him, and she knows deep down that he cares about her. She even told Rachel about his good heart.

But her not holding him is completely appropriate to the moment. It's not about him. This is about her. Her trauma. Her survival. Lucy's breaking in this moment. She spent so much time keeping her head in the game, and now she's finally releasing all the anguish she refused to show Caleb.

And she is safe in Tim's arms to fall apart.

I knew from the Pilot that Eric Winter was a tour-de-force. But in this episode we see so many damn layers. And Tim's relief at holding her in his arms at the end instead of cradling her corpse is palpable.

The way this scene is shot and performed and the sound... it all puts us in the moment. We are right there with them, and it's one of my favorite scenes of the entire series.

Here in the barren waste of sand and silence... there's life.

"Hmm. What are you reading, Teen Rebel?"

She wakes up to see Tim there, waiting. He hasn't slept. He hasn't left. We know that. He's spent the past 24 hours feeling completely responsible for Lucy, and it's not easy to leave the side of the person who you pushed yourself to save.

And the first thing she says to him isn't about what she's survived, or even about him finding her. It's about the damn magazine. And it's perfect.

After what she's survived, Lucy needs something familiar. And Tim is pretty damn familiar in her life.

Before we get too much further... I want to call out the lengths Tim went to save Lucy.

FAST FORWARD: We haven't yet reached, "Some things matter more". But Tim's already showing that in action. He's a "show" guy, remember?

Tim was willing to do whatever it took to save her. He would put it all on the line, and that's because he cares about her. No, they're not ripping one another's clothes off. It's Season 2, she's his Boot, and he doesn't even acknowledge friendship with her, yet.

But she is becoming his friend. She's becoming one of the very few people that Tim Bradford will upend the world for.

"They actually have some really insightful political articles."

Watch how fast that man wheeled his little chair over to her side. It makes me giggle with glee.

"Oh, which BTS member is your soulmate. Gotta be Suga, right?" "Totally. What's a BTS?"

Lucy laughs. Probably her first good laugh in days. And it's with Tim. Hardass, Tim Test, never-lets-up Tim.

"Have you been here all night?" "No. Mmhm. No." "Mmhmm."

Because TO Tim can't show that he cares. Not yet. I mean, he's never felt this friendly toward a Boot, and he can't go soft on her when she still has so far to go before crossing the finish line.

Remember, Tim likes rules and staying within them—whether they're the rules set out for him by a superior or the ones he's created for himself. Counting Lucy a friend is outside the lines. But much as he might try to deny it, he's showing it.

He's used to giving his Rookies what he thinks they need, and with Lucy, it's most often tough love and some manipulative tests. For him to break through his own wall of separating personal life from professional life is too much. So, he lies.

But Lucy can see right through him. Strangely, she's always had that power.

"How did you find me?"

Nolan interrupts the moment. Damnit, Nolan! But we'll all get to that later... next episode.

There's a reason I wanted to do these three together. Look, this show is still basically a Procedural at its heart with some continuous story lines. But these three episodes feel more serial than a lot of the show, and because of that, I think the whole picture is required to ascertain its meaning.

"He is a she and she is going to sleep in my bed since I am clearly never going on a date, again."

We started this whole trilogy with Lucy considering a nunnery. And, again, I think this calls attention to what it's like to be a single woman in the world. Yes, assaults can happen to anyone.

But as a woman, I can tell you I never get anything to drink but water when I'm out with my friends. I never leave my drink unattended. And a male friend always walks me to my car. Theater kids go out a lot to bars (like, after every rehearsal), so there was a season in my life where this was a nightly ritual. Trying to stay safe out there.

So, if Lucy doesn't want to ever date again after her ordeal, I don't bloody blame her, and neither do her best friend, past fling, and future husband.

"You hungry?"

Sometimes I swear this man is part Jewish mother. If you Fast Forward in the series, you see he's always trying to feed this woman.

And, yes, I'm saying this from experience. There was an old saying that if you wanted a lot more food from my Great-Aunt Mary, you said you wanted a little. If you wanted a little, you said you wanted none. And if you wanted none, you hid your plate.

"Yeah. I'm starving. You know what I really wanna eat right now?" "Veggie burger and fries. Extra pickles."

Awwwww! Remember in 2x01 when she sent him food? "You shouldn't have done that." "Well, I wanted to. And eating well is crucial to a fast recovery."

He's using the lessons he learned from her as an act of love. Again, not romantic love. But love, nonetheless.

"You know me so well." "Too well."

Look at those smiles. Alright, y'all, I'll admit those smiles put butterflies in my stomach, too.

And the fact that the director chose to take us off of the wide shot so we only saw Tim and Lucy for these last few lines. Because this is about them.

Tim is caring about Lucy far more than he should. And he's growing aware of that. But the nature of this episode makes it impossible for him to shove it down entirely. He writes it off as concern and guilt, and doesn't realize he's been slowly letting Lucy into his circle of friends.

But if we talk about who really knows Lucy in this scene? It's Tim.

Jackson brought pretty flowers, which are nice, but will die. Nolan brought the most giant, pink bear. She's cute, but eventually she'll disappear from Lucy's life because her next boyfriend's not going to want to share the bed with a pink stuffy (unless he's into that... no judgment).

Tim. Brought. Her. Food. Yes, it'll be gone pretty quickly. But I can tell you after not being allowed to eat for both my deliveries of my three kids, I was famished. Lucy hasn't eaten in days, and she wants something filling and comforting. Tim brought her the exact order she wanted without her having to ask.

As much as he tries to separate professional and personal, Lucy's blurring those lines. To me, the Season 1 finale was really the start of that. And Tim bites back against that as much as he can in Season 2 (even treating Lucy like shit because she didn't report him for suicidal ideation).

But this trilogy of episodes breaks down that wall further. Yes, he's still her TO and he's still not going to think of her as a friend. But S2-3 is where that really comes together. They were already on their way, but with these events, he softens towards her in a way he never anticipated.

We get to see him soft throughout the series with "his people". But at this point, he's not yet ready to admit Lucy is one of them. It's outside his standard operating procedure for Rookies.

But, despite his protests, he's making a friend. The kind of friend that sticks. The kind of friend that doesn't leave. The kind of friend that loves with abandon.

And someday, someday, she might become more than that. But right now, he's not even ready to admit she's a friend... but, damn, our "show" guy really showed it.

I really want to call out the coloration and choices of this episode. When Lucy first wakes up on the table (with no establishing shot, so we're as clueless to how isolated she is, just as she is), everything i s tripped back. Melissa O'Neil's makeup is stripped down and we can see her pores.

The first time I watched that scene I thought, "Wow, they really stripped out all the color". There's something about the harshness of yellows, beiges, and browns on their own that evoke old Westerns. That sense of isolation, famine, and drought.

Lucy's world is often so vibrant that the stark shift helps us feel the anxiety with her. There's nothing bright or beautiful about this world. Only de-saturated hopelessness.

Now and Then

Lucy In The Mirror

Lucy's wounds have healed. Her wrists are free of the tie marks. Her face is free of the cuts and bruises. But the tattoo remains. She can hear the sound of the tattoo gun in her mind.

Yes, Lucy has many tattoos, but those were of her choosing. This was another violation—something inflicted upon her. Lucy tries covering up, but the foundation sticks to her shirt.

And, yes, there are makeups out there that can cover up tattoos. Being the daughter of a makeup artist, I know way too much about it and have seen mother in action covering an entire chest full of tattoos for a shoot. That's not the point.

The point of this scene is to remind us (and Lucy) that this can't be covered up. It's on her. It's permanent unless she has it burned off.

"When can she have it removed?" "Four weeks. Two days. Nine hours."

Her mind is on it all the time. She knows it down to the hour. Doesn't sound like someone who's healed to me. But, duh. That's the whole point of the episode.

"Hey, so what's your plan?" "For what?" "Officer Chen. I'm sure you've got some Alpha strategy to get her back on the horse, so, what is it?"

Let's be real. Tim would be Tim, but he wasn't going to be his harshest self on her first day back. He wouldn't be capable of it. But Nyla doesn't know that.

"So basically get her into as many fights as possible." "I'm gonna remind her that she's a cop, not a victim." "She knows that she's not a victim. Look, Chen doesn't need to fight. She needs to make peace with the voice inside of her head telling her she's never gonna be safe again."

I wish someone had asked Lucy. Looking at this situation, they're both coming at it from the wrong angle for Lucy. Tim's going for how he processes and Nyla's going for how she does. Neither of them asks Lucy what she needs.

Look, these are characters who are going to do what's in-character. For the scene and the arc, this has to go this way. But as a person who has had a lifetime of people thinking they know what I need and making it a thousand times worse, I have a personal response to this.

But in character? Both Tim and Nyla want what's best for Lucy and think they're the one to give it to her.

"Okay, I've been training Rookies a lot longer than you. I know what she needs." "That's ego talking. What happened to Chen is every woman's worst fear." "I'm aware of that." But you have never lived that fear."

That stops Tim. Because she's right. Part of Tim's arc in Season 1 and 2 with Lucy by his side is discovering his subconscious biases. She forces him to think beyond what he thinks he knows.

And here, he's facing that even without Lucy present. Because she's opening up his mind to seeing past his own limited perspective.

"It's clear that you have her best interests at heart. I am just asking you to consider whether she might be better served by someone who has been through what she has been through."

This is a lot for Nyla to offer. A woman's experiences are not owed to anyone. But she chooses to give him this insight into why she really believes she's the best person to help Lucy through.

And Tim's listening. He's really listening to what she's saying.

"And that someone's you." *nods* "Okay. I'll tell Grey to make the switch."

I love Eric Winter's choices on this. He's reacting not only to the information that Nyla just shared, knowing that she doesn't want apologies or empty words from him. He didn't do it. But he's sorry it happened. He's face to face with someone in uniform who, like Lucy, thought they were safe with someone when they weren't.

And he's thinking of Lucy. The last thing he wants to do is hurt her, to make this harder, to set her back.

Lucy At Roll Call

She pauses outside the room. Much as she wants to get back at it, this is a point-of-no-return morning. She doesn't want special treatment. She doesn't want weird glances. She doesn't want whispered words.

She doesn't want the damn applause.

"Congratulations you survived but you're branded by a serial killer and still processing the emotional trauma and we want you know that we are all talking about you, and looking at you, and thinking about you."

Damn it.

"Welcome back, Officer Chen. How're you feeling? Can't wait to get on the streets, sir, just get back to normal." "We're going to mix things up a bit. You're going to be riding with Harper this week."

What. The. Fuck!? Lucy just said that she wants to go back to normal. Riding with Nyla is not normal.

Lucy looks back to Tim for confirmation and he nods. But she's still confused. She's on-edge. She didn't expect to come back to work straight into a Tim Test, and that's what this feels like.

Everything that she wanted for transitioning back to work is going wrong.

"I'm not interested in chasing tame calls today."

Because Tim needs to process his way. Look, he in no way went through what Lucy did. Not at all. But he's still carrying his guilt and frustrating, and he needs to channel that into something he can do.

Tim is a man of action, and since he can't take action to help Lucy through her re-acclimation, he's going to do what he needs to do to distract him from worrying about her—his job.

"So why the switch?" "Tim felt you'd be better served riding with me." "Yeah, right. This has to be some kind of elaborate Tim Test that he roped you into." "Do I strike you as someone who could get roped into anything? Especially by Bradford?"

Note the switch from "Tim" to "Bradford". Nyla was trying to keep it conversational at the beginning, but the second Lucy calls out perceived pliability, Nyla snaps back to put Lucy in her place.

"Fair enough. So, I'll ask you again, why the switch?" "I convinced him that I would have more insight into what you were going through and could therefore be more helpful to your re-integration onto the streets."

Look how Lucy recoils. Much as Lucy loves talking things out, she doesn't want to talk about this. She doesn't want to have to think about what she's been through while she's out here. She wants normal.

"Did you go on a date with a serial killer, too?" "Uh, no." "Well, then I'm not sure how much help you'd be. But it's fine, 'cause I don't need any help. I've already worked through the trauma using both cognitive and exposure therapy combined with mindful breathing and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. So, it's, it's fine."

Of course, we know Lucy's far from fine. But this isn't what she wanted. She didn't want to have special treatment. She didn't want to be pulled from working with Tim. Frustrating as he is, he's familiar. That's normal.

And Lucy's gone through all the Psychological steps she thinks will help her be fine. It's her blind spot, truly. Because she seems to think there's a point where you're just "fine" and don't need to process anymore.

No, that trauma will come up, again, we know. But right now she doesn't want to face it. She's trying to pretend her way to being fine.

"Need backup for a felony car stop." "You sure?" "Hell, yeah."

Everyone's surprised to hear her voice. But she wants to get back at it. She doesn't want to feel different. It's bad enough what she has to deal with in her head. At the Station, she's a Rookie, yeah, but she's a cop.

And the more I look at this episode the more it feels like Lucy and Tim have traded spots for a day. Normally, Tim's the one who doesn't want to talk and would rather bury himself in the job. And Lucy's usually the one second-guessing.

But Tim second-guessed himself this morning and let Nyla have Lucy. And everyone wants Lucy to talk, but she'd rather get in the action.

"You want me to do the paperwork?" "Oh, nope."

Tim always has Lucy do the paperwork. She wants to do what's familiar, what's natural, what's practiced. "Please let me be normal".

"That was a nice job out there." "Thanks." "So you're just not gonna let me help you at all." "I don't need any help."

Look, we all know that she does, but not like this. Nyla wants so badly to help Lucy, but if Lucy isn't ready, trying to push her like this isn't going to change anything. It's going to push her further inward.

"Did you get the flowers we sent?" "And the basket. Thank you."

Lucy really has some lovely people in her life. And look at her genuine appreciation for Abigail, here. Baskets are one of Lucy's love languages, and she nailed it.

"What the hell is this? I let you run around with Harper for half the day and you start hugging people on duty?" "Don't listen to him. He's all bark."

Tim is being his grumpy-ass self and Lucy's smiling like the sunshine that she is. This is what she thought she'd have today. This rhythm to which she's already grown accustomed.

Yes, Tim gets under her skin and pisses her off. But she knows him. She's used to him. The Tim Tests come when she least expects it, but she knows to expect that.

While there are many mysteries left to this man, he's been her biggest constant during her Rookie year. And it's nice to get to talk to him.

"All bark? She is not buying what you're selling." "Because I don't hold her fate in my hands."

They're teasing. We're to the point in their relationship where they can tease one another, and you can see how comfortable Lucy is in this.

Apart from the action, this is the most comfortable we've seen her all episode.

"Heard you dodged some bullets." "Yeah, a few. What, are you keeping tabs on me?"

The discomfort is back. Because even Tim Fucking Bradford is acting different around her. There's a softness to him that she's never seen before directed at her. Yes, she's seen it... but not with those eyes directed her way.

"Look, if you need anything, you let me know."

Finally, someone asks what she needs. All day, people (including Tim) have been making assumptions about what she needs. But here Tim is truly putting her first and trying to see if there's anything he can really do.

"You got a time machine?" "I wish I did."

Because he'd go back and take back the decision that fed her to the lion. Yes, we all know it's not Tim's fault. But he still feels like it is. And this is what Lucy really wishes she had—not some remedy or quick fix... that it never happened.

"You're not gonna shower?" "Uh, I'm gonna do it a home."

Because she doesn't want the stares. She doesn't want the questions. She doesn't want the reminder.

She's wearing concealer under her shirt because she doesn't want to see the thing. And she's tired of the comments and special treatment. Lucy wants to go back to normal.

Now, we can already see from this episode that "normal" isn't really possible. Relationships have shifted. Lucy is not the same woman she was before. Yes, she'll open up parts of her that shut down over time, but she'll never be who she was before that night of carefree drinks gone wrong.

But that's what Lucy wants in this moment. Normalcy.

"Oh, but you're not going home."

The hell?! She was just abducted and now you won't let her go home? Sorry, but that was my gut reaction watching this.

"We have plans. Girls' Night." "Oh, I get it. You've seen that I'm find on the job, but you're still not convinced." "We just thought it would be fun." ... "It's... you guys have just never asked me out before."

Think of how happy Lucy was that she was getting invited to something normal!? And with these two bad-ass women!

Lucy spends so much of her time in the first two seasons with Jackson and Nolan that we rarely get to see her with the other women of the Station.

She was going to get to have a night out with two women she trusts—something safe. And she had just relaxed into that when they pulled this shit.

Look, I'm salty at these two. I love Nyla and Angela's my number three on the show. But this was a terrible idea. Nyla was critical of Tim throwing her into work, but she's throwing her into the dating pool.

And it's no wonder Lucy was triggered. She isn't ready to date, again. And that's fine. She should be able to get out there when she is ready.

But we all experience the world through out unique lenses and experiences. And a very real mistake we make is assuming because I need it this way, you do, too.

I have twin sons. When they were 9 months old, a friend handed down a toy to us. You throw a ball into the toy and it makes a noise. Ta-da! One child giggled uncontrollable. They other screamed and broke down in sobs.

Different people react differently. They need different coping mechanisms. They need different healing paths. When we try too hard to homogenize treatment, we miss the opportunity for true healing.

And part of the problem here is the utter lack of communication. Nyla has hinted to Tim what she went through, but she hasn't given Lucy any indication.

Now, Nyla doesn't owe Lucy her story. But she has chosen to help Lucy, and it would be a helluva lot easier to get through to Lucy if she communicated with her.

"Hey, Lucy had a bit of a moment last night when we were out."

Tim. Is. Pissed. Angela can tell that's all it took for him to be ready to go into Tim-Mode on someone's ass.

"It's not a big deal. She's fine." "What the hell is Harper doing?" "Helping. Don't get all 'Tim' on me. I just thought you should know." "Lucy's okay?" "She will be." "Alright. Thanks for letting me know."

Angela is the only one who knows about Tim's guilt. She's the only one who knows the weight he's been carrying, blaming himself for what happened to Lucy. She's the only one to know he has a growing soft spot for her.

So she does the right thing and gives him a heads-up.

And note how it's always "Lucy" when he's talking with Angela in these episodes. With Nolan, it's "Chen" because Nolan is not Tim's friend. But Angela's his best friend, and he can let his guard down a little when it comes to her.

Nyla Shares Her Tale

We already said that Nyla doesn't owe anyone her story. But by keeping it from Lucy, Lucy was pushing her away. She truly thought it was another outsider with outside opinions trying to force her to be okay.

Hearing Nyla's story, she is finally able to see her differently. There's a beat right after Lucy says, "I'm so sorry," where Melissa O'Neil shifts her gaze from cynical to sisterly—Lucy sees herself in Nyla.

For the first time since she's gotten out of that barrel, there's someone who isn't an outsider who truly wants to help.

"I shut down. I didn't even tell my husband. I kept telling myself that I would deal with it when I was ready." "But with every passing week it just got worse." "Maybe I pushed you too hard last night. But I know what it is like when you do not face things head-on."

Look how Lucy has shifted. Because Nyla can relate. Lucy was pushing so hard against her from the get-go that she missed the signs on this.

She was so focused on pushing everyone away and keeping everyone out that she missed that Nyla wasn't another outsider looking in with "expert" opinions on something they know nothing about. Nyla really does know.

"You and Chen are close, right?"

"I used to be inside her on the regular, so, yeah." I'm sorry. I had to. It was the first thing that popped into my head when I watched the scene.

"How's she doing? I mean, really doing?"

Because Tim is in his phase of needing to know how Lucy is, but not being the one "in the know". He's still her TO, and going directly to her for information is outside his code. But he can't help worrying. Lucy matters to him.

"She's good. Really. I think she'll be better once she gets that tattoo removed. Can you imagine that? Walking around every day branding by the worst thing that's ever happened to you? " "You think because it's physical, it's worse? Tragedies always leave scars. Only some of them you can see."

Again, this is about perspective. Some people are visual learners. Some are auditory. Some learn by doing.

I have a weird quirk of my brain that a memory is stronger for me if I can see a photo of it. Yes, I have other memories, but I can almost transport back to the moments in my photo albums since I've had decent memory. Visuals are important for me.

To Tim, it doesn't matter if it's visual or not. But Lucy might be different. Seeing that every day might mean more to her than it does to him. He's not considering that.

Seriously, as a former Communications student (two degrees in it), this episode is a masterclass in personal bias and intrapersonal vs interpersonal communication. In the moments of actual connection there's communication that's clear and concise.

Throughout the episode, everyone is making choices that are complicating matters. They're trying to do what's right, but they're doing it without clarity.

Nyla gets through to Lucy best when she talks to the woman in an open and honest manner. Same with Tim, later.

But, I'm skipping ahead...

A Punching Bag

Remember how I said Tim and Lucy have switched places this episode? In the same place where Lucy once offered Tim perspective (on his learning disability) and a gift (the book on tape), Tim will have his moment.

Lucy wipes her face without thinking, and Tim gets a glimpse of the tattoo. It flusters Lucy as she turns. She doesn't want to talk about it.

He's come down here for a reason. After spending all day asking others about her, he needs to see her for himself.

He wants to say something, too, but he's second-guessing. Ever since he pushed her toward a serial killer, he's been second-guessing where she's concerned.

"You got no quit in you, do you, Boot?" "No, sir. I get that from you." "I don't think so. You walked in the door this way. It's what makes you so aggravating."

He's teasing her. This is their rhythm. They've found it and they've earned it, and she's been stripped from it when she really wanted something familiar.

"I'm taking that as a compliment." "It was meant to be. You have a good night." "Yeah, you, too."

Tim turns to go, shoving his hands in his pockets. As he does, his fingers graze the ring... her ring. The ring he's been carrying around because it's tangible. It's something he can hold onto and remind himself that it's true—Lucy lived.

He turns around, no longer second-guessing. He has something to say, and he can only hope she hears him.

"You know, I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds, knife wounds, broken bottle. Then there's the ones you can't see, Isabel's addiction, a dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they're a part of me."

I can't remember him talking this openly about the trauma of Isabel's addiction before. But, he's in the Lucy role, today. He's talking things out while she's taking it out on a punching bag.

"I know what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it, but this is different. I was tattooed by a sadist who etched my day of death into my skin." "Okay, but you didn't die. Okay? You lived. And now he's the one in the ground."

Lucy sighs, because here's another outsider telling her what to do and how to feel.

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do with it. Okay? Burn it off, keep it, whatever gives you peace."

That's a little better. Lucy starts listening at that. Because, everyone's trying to push her in a direction, and he makes it clear that that's not his intention. He's not trying to push her to do or be anything.

"All I'm trying to do is give you some hard-won perspective."

If this was Pee Wee's Playhouse, we'd all have to scream because "Perspective" is the word of the day. Because each person's perspective has been an obstacle, today. Each person's perspective has been a roadblock.

But Tim's being very clear that he's offering only that—his Perspective. And, remember, Lucy cares very much what Tim thinks of her. She cares how he sees her. She doesn't want to let him down.

"You can choose to see that tattoo as your greatest failure. But I see it as proof that you're a survivor."

"You're so strong," he'd whispered when she started breathing, again. She might have been too overwhelmed at the moment to ever remember that, but we do. He recognized her strength and ability to survive right then.

This isn't lip-service. This is Tim Bradford being completely honest about how he sees Lucy.

"It wasn't your day of death, Officer Chen. It was the first day of the rest of your life. And no one can take that away from you."

There it is. No, this isn't going to "fix" the pain that Lucy's feeling. It's not going to make the trauma disappear. It's not going to erase the memories. But this mind-flip of that tattoo is powerful.

Because Caleb made her say aloud what that tattoo meant. He told her that it was for her, for her perspective, for her to own up to what he said it meant.

And here's Tim Bradford, a man who Lucy respects and trusts, helping her look at it from a different angle.

And isn't that what Tim does so well? Lucy even calls him out on it later in the show... He's the king at coming at things sideways and seeing another angle.

What he's saying is, "YOU, Lucy, get to decide how you look at that tattoo." She's spent so much time looking at it from Caleb's perspective that she didn't consider there was an alternative.

"Thanks." "Yeah. You're welcome."

Tim shoves his hands back in his pocket, and they both let the moment pass, easily. He said what he needed to say, and she heard him. Now, they can move forward.

"You riding with me tomorrow?" "Yes sir." "Good. Get in early. War bags need restocking." "Okay."

Tim pulls the ring from his pocket and tosses it to Lucy before she can register what it is. As she opens her hands, she sees it—her ring.

The ring she tossed off her hand in hopes that someone would find it. And Tim did. He found it. He found her.

"How did you find me?" Lucy asked from her hospital bed. Now, she has the answer.

Lucy looks up at Tim in awe and surprise. He smiles at the ring at her hand, and then back at her. He'd been carrying it around for a while because he didn't yet have Lucy back. Yes, she was at work, but not riding with him.

Tim once talked to Lucy about finding something tangible to focus on instead of the intangibility of nuclear disaster. Yes, he was being figurative, but I don't put it past him to take it literal. Lucy is back, but not back with him, yet.

Tomorrow, she'll be in his Shop. And now he doesn't need something tangible to hold onto to remind him that she is coming back, because she'll be there. By his side.

This is theirs. Tim told no one how he found her. She told no one that she'd dropped the ring. Only Tim and Lucy know this part of her story... of their story.

*phew* this one was emotionally exhausting. It took a week of work. But, I hope you enjoy it. It's heavier than most, but I think it's earned.

I would argue that Tim and Lucy are already on their way to friendship at the beginning of this trilogy, but the events that happen expedite it, and also solidify their trust of one another.

Tim respects the hell out of her. He knows what she's capable of, and now he's seen it for himself. Yes, he's going to be tough on her, again, when he's ready. And, yes, she's going to be pissed at him, when she's ready.

But only Tim and Lucy know who they are in the in-betweens. When the cameras aren't rolling on their chests and nobody else is listening in—like this ending scene. This is theirs.

And as they move forward in their relationship, there are all these touchstones, these pillars that shifted things that they can look back on as guide posts or stepping stones that at the time seemed small, but proved essential to their journey.

And, oh, I can't wait to see where it takes them next.

As always, thanks for reading.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #tw abuse #tw assault #tw rape

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becca-e-barnes · 2 years

Note

thoughts on ps!dbf!bucky and thigh riding 👀

Stop it, this is one of my favourites, thigh riding is so simple but SO underrated 🙈

Because I think if there's anyone who understands just how good thigh riding can feel for his partner, it's ps!dbf!bucky. That man knows every trick in the book. He wrote the damn book. He laminated the pages of the book so they won't get wet. You get the idea.

And I love the thought of just a really slow, hazy, intimate afternoon with him that only speeds up out of need, rather than necessity. Just a lazy afternoon in bed, enjoying each other's company and no need to rush. There are no distractions other than your soft groans mingling with his and the faint sound of cars driving through the light rain that's falling outside.

It's cosy and familiar and there's a real comfort that comes with being so entirely wrapped up in him. His hands trail over your body, working their way under the t-shirt you're wearing, seeking out the warmth of your skin. His lips are firm and insistent, sliding against your own with a kind of ease that only comes from practice.

This feels so different to the scenes he films. Lust seeps into your movements so slowly, it reminds him none of this is orchestrated. You're touching him the way you want to touch him; you're not following a script and in return, he has the same freedom to just enjoy the moment.

"Baby..." He whispers, low and gravelly and you don't need to see him to know his eyes are closed. You take advantage of the chance to catch your breath, curling your fingers in his hair to pull him closer again after a second.

Instead of returning his lips to yours, they find their way to your neck, not that you have any issue with the open mouthed kisses he's now trailing down your skin. This is what he wants and you're more than happy to give it to him.

He allows himself a few seconds between kisses to just get entirely lost in you. He almost forgets the task at hand, he's so entirely consumed by the familiarity of the moment. The smell of your perfume, the heat of your body, the way you sound when you groan his name; everything screams 'home' to him. There's a gentle tenderness behind every touch and he doesn't want that to be forgotten.

But in the time he's spent inside his own head, he realises he's neglected your need a little more than he intended to. You're now gripping his thigh that had previously been just resting between both of yours, pressing your core down against it and oh, he didn't realise just how desperate you'd got until that point.

Your thin panties do nothing to hide your arousal, not that it was ever any secret given the way you're pressing his mouth to your neck and whimpering.

"Does that feel nice?" He teases quietly, pulling away from your neck so he can watch your face as you nod. "Good. I'm glad."

One of his hands holds your hip, guiding you back and forth over his thigh, making sure that you reach your full range of motion with each drag. "That's it, good girl. Nice and slow." A strange sort of pride blooms in his chest at the tiny sob of frustration he tears from your lips.

Your panties are entirely soaked through. Not that it ever takes very long but he's almost impressed by how little he's had to touch you to get you into this state.

"You're gonna make a mess, sweetheart." He sounds amused and ever so slightly condescending and it's just beautiful. "That's okay. You can go a little stupid if you want to. Hump my thigh if that's what you need." It sounds truly pathetic when he says it like that but at the same time, it feels so perfect you don't really have it in you to stop.

#asks answered <3 #anon #becca writes spice #dbf!bucky #ps!bucky #ps!dbf!bucky #I love writing him so much softer idec #I've damaged a ligament in my knee #but on the (mr) brightside #my dress today was ADORABLE #possibly one of my very favourites #I'm getting caught up on my sleep and I feel so much better for it #I'm gonna make my mood board tonight I think #and probably plot out the first 3 or 4 pieces in the new miniseries #I think I'm gonna work from home tomorrow and I'll take some time off in the morning #I need to do something impulsive #I want a new piercing or something idk

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thepaintedlady00 · 1 year

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hey there! I got my wisdom tooth out this morning was sedated. The hospital said I needed an 'escort' with me to come with me and wait till its over to take me home and care for me. Everything was fine, I was just a bit loopy and funny afterwards :D This made me think - how do you think it would go down if Lena or Jake had to do this and had to be each other's escorts? :D I feel like either of them would end up gushing about how they love the other or something like that hahah

First off, I'm glad your wisdom teeth surgery went well! It's always a tough time having to get one or more removed, but it can be kind of funny after hearing all the stories about how loopy you get. 🤣

Second, I love this idea so I wrote two short little blurbs about how both Lena and Jake would be in this situation. 🤭🤷‍♀️ So, enjoy I guess!

Jake's POV of Lena's wisdom teeth removal:

Jake sat in the uncomfortably stiff waiting room chair, anxiously drumming his fingers against his bouncing leg. His eyes scanned every face that passed by, searching for any hint of bad news. Was it overkill to be this nervous? Maybe. But he'd read every shitty magazine they had on their coffee table and listened to the clinic gossip until that, too, got stale. So, worrying was all he had left to do.

Eventually, one of the nurses came out from the back room and looked at their clipboard. "Harrow?"

He was on his feet faster than either of them expected, earning him a chuckle from the elderly man he'd been waiting next to. "That's me."

"She did great," the nurse said with a reassuring smile. "She should be waking up from the anesthesia any minute now. I was told you wanted to be there when she woke up."

"Yeah," Jake answered, keeping it as simple as possible. They didn't need to know how freaked out Lena would be if she didn't have a familiar face there when she woke up. And they sure as hell didn't need to know what would happen if he wasn't back there.

"Right this way," the nurse replied, leading him to the back room where rows of curtains hung, separating patients, some of whom were still snoring. She pulled back the third curtain just enough for him to slip through.

Lena was lying flat on her back, a long ice packet placed around her jaw. Other than the mild swelling, she looked more than peaceful. Jake sat down in the chair in the corner, carefully reaching out to hold her hand, an act solely meant to ease his own anxiety. The nurse checked her vitals and carefully repositioned the ice pack before she smiled at him. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks." The quiet sound of heartbeat beeping on the monitor and the slow, even breaths that made her chest rise and fall were all he needed.

It didn't take more than a few minutes before he noticed her breathing grow more irregular, and her eyelashes struggled to open. Jake held her hand tighter in his as her eyes slowly opened. Groggy and confused, Lena blinked away the medicated sleep. He saw the spike on the monitor as the fear of her unknown surroundings and her past came flooding in. She lifted a shaking hand, intent on ripping the ice pack and any wires off her when he stood, catching her eye and taking hold of her other hand to stop her. "Hey, it's okay."

She breathed a relieved sigh, blinking away tears. Through the thick gauze in her mouth, he heard her thick mumble of his name, "Jake."

He smiled, moving his hand to brush the hair from her face. "Morning, princess."

Looking around and gently probing the ice pack with her finger, she seemed to remember where she was and what had happened, relaxing into the mattress. "Howditgo?"

"Good." He chuckled. "They'll be showing up to check on ya in a minute."

Her eyes lingered on his face for a long minute, sparkling as she attempted to smile. "Yerpretty."

Laughing, Jake carefully bent over, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Obviously. Now shut up before you hurt yourself or something."

It would've been an understatement to say he was relieved when they finally gave him and Lena a long list of aftercare instructions and wheeled her out to the taxi. She leaned against him in the car, physically close enough to feel him finally relax when they pulled up to the side entrance of their apartment. He paid the cabbie before helping her out of the car, not letting her take more than a step before he scooped her into his arms. "Seriously?"

"Shut up," he mumbled, kicking the door open and standing in front of the elevator. "Hit the button for me."

Lena looked cute with her slightly chubby face as she tried to smirk at him. "Can't. Too weak."

He shook his head, turning to elbow the wall until he finally hit the button blindly. "You're kind of a bitch."

She mumbled something else but curled into him for the elevator ride up. Finally, home, Jake helped her settle into bed, having already gathered a basket of water bottles, four extra ice packs, and adopted yogurts and puddings so Lena wouldn't have to get out of bed too often. After taking the gauze out of her mouth, Lena took a nap, one Jake utilized to leave and pick up her pain pills from the pharmacy.

When he returned, he pampered her with a quick but soothing bath where he massaged her scalp and shoulders. After, he entertained her every request. Lena abused this power greatly, forcing him to wear a face mask and letting her paint his nails. Eventually, the torture retired to the bedroom, where the two of them curled up in their bed and watched Phantom of the Opera.

"Stop pretending like you hate it," Lena said, pressing a kiss to his neck.

"I do hate it," he insisted, though, at this point, they both knew it was a lie.

Jake enjoyed musicals. He oddly found himself relating to a lot of them. Lena was nonetheless wiser at first, that is until he randomly got them tickets to Broadway. Still, every once in a while, Jake had to complain just to try and throw her off the trail. It didn't work, obviously. Lena knew him better than that. She knew him better than anyone.

With a content sigh, Lena laid her head across his chest. "Thanks for coming to get me."

Jake only smiled. "You know me, I'm all about that domestic shit."

She twisted, gently tugging his face down so she could press her lips to his. “You are truly a prince among men. But, still, I know how much you hate that shit, so thanks.”

“I only hate that shit 'cause I don’t like seeing you in a hospital gown.”

“Why?” Her eyes gleamed as she teased him. “Not my color?”

He pulled her closer to him, arms wound tightly around her. “We both know you look best in red.”

Nuzzling her face into his cheek, Jake closed his eyes. “Shuddup and watch the movie, jerk.”

“Whatever, loser.”

Lena's POV of Jake's wisdom teeth removal:

I sat in the waiting room, casually flipping through the pages of one of the magazines the clinic kept on their coffee table. It’d only been about twenty minutes since I’d gotten the call that they’d be finishing up Jake’s surgery soon, so I was more than content to wait. Most would assume I’d be nervous, freaking out over the what-ifs and the complications possible, and while those thoughts did come and go every now and then, I knew Jake would be just fine. He was in perfect health. Besides, he was tough and unbelievably stubborn. It’d take a lot more than some anesthesia to take him out. The old woman sitting beside me leaned over with a gentle smile. “Who are you waiting for?”

“My boyfriend,” I answered. “Wisdom teeth.”

She nodded. “My husband has had his for years. Insists that they’ve never bothered him before, but now his dentures don’t fit right with them in.”

I chuckled at her. “That sounds like quite the pain.”

“He is,” she joked. “Took me a week to convince him to get them taken out. And he grumbled about it all the way til they knocked him out.”

The nurse came from the back room with a smile and a quick glance at her clipboard. “Harrow?”

Saying a quick farewell to the old woman, I stood, carefully putting my magazine back down before I approached her. “That’s me.”

“Everything went great! He’s awake now if you wanna wait with him while the doctor gets his paperwork together.”

“Yes, please,” I answered, following her into the back room, where she led me past a few curtained sections before stopping and gesturing to the right one.

“Let us know if he needs anything.”

“Thank you.” I slid through the curtain and smiled at Jake, who was lounging on the cot, idly poking his cheek. “Well, hello there, handsome.”

His head turned, eyes still slightly droopy from the drugs. His jaw and cheeks looked swollen as he smiled at me. “Leeeennnaaaa!”

I giggled as he reached out and tugged me closer. “How are you feeling?”

“I’mgoood,” he slurred, the ice pack sliding off his face as he moved to admire my ass. “Lookityourass!”

Fixing the ice pack, I rolled my eyes. “I probably should have expected that.” His hand cupped one of my asscheeks as I swatted him away. “Jake!”

“Whaaatt?” He asked, laughing. “You’rejustsohot.”

“You’re lucky you’re still high right now.”

It turned out that drugged-up Jake was even more touchy than regular Jake. It was kind of cute, not that I’d ever tell him that. As one nurse was going over his aftercare instructions, another was helping him into his wheelchair when he loudly proclaimed, “THATSMYGIRLFRIEND!”

Both girls laughed, “They know, sweetie.”

“ISN’TSHESOHOT?!”

The room was filled with suppressed giggling as every nurse and doctor in the vicinity was subjected to Jake’s loving praises, which didn’t stop when we rolled him through the waiting room. The older woman from before waved at us with a kind, “He’s a real keeper!”

The whole drive, Jake lounged on my lap while complimenting every feature of my face with a gentle, slightly off point of his finger. Once we got back in the apartment, he collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. Quinn dropped off his pain medication before he woke up and quickly fled the premise to join Ari for dinner. After the medication wore off a bit and he woke up, he ate some yogurt, and then we took a quick, cool shower where I helped wash his hair and gently wash his face.

Once the two of us settled into bed, his head resting in my lap with my fingers gently combing through his inky hair, Jake looked up at me. “Don’t laugh, but can we watch Moulin Rouge?”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the laugh in and nodded. “Of course, we can, sweetie.”

As the movie played and Jake shifted to lay in front of me, head on my chest, he mumbled, “I’m not saying I like this-”

“Shut up.” I kissed the top of his head and carefully set two ice packs against his cheeks. “I love you, loser.”

His fingers threaded through mine, settling our hands over his heart. “I love you too, jerk.”

#fic: nightshade #nightshade #nightshade oneshot #jake x lena #jake and lena #sweetbitter jake #jake sweetbitter #sweetbitter jake x lena #sweetbitter fanfiction #sweet bitter #sweetbitter #tiny sneak peek into the future of this fic?

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noahsteensonfilms · 8 months

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"The Food Is Wrong!"- a "When Only We're Around" short story

*I completely forgot to post this here, sorry*

(1 month post-movie)

"We will both be having the steaks. But make sure that his has the chips, vegetables, and steak not touching. Okay? He doesn't do well with the foods touching." Emiliano instructs the waiter, Elliot washed with embarrassment over his particular request, not leaning forwards until the waiter had returned to the kitchen.

"God. Why am I so finicky?" Elliot slaps his head in exasperation.

"This restaurant offers alterations, or the waiter would of mentioned it when I made the order. They shouldn't get mad when a customer wants an alteration." Emiliano assures him, then leans back, sipping on a glass of coke.

"Still... I feel entitled when asking. Couldn't we have gone to a McDonald's or Hungry Jack's?"

"Elliot. This is date night. On date night, we go to fancy restaurants. This dinner is like $150 so we better enjoy it."

Elliot fidgets, tapping the fork next to him repeatedly. Humming the song they had wrote the weekend they fell in love.

"So, were you able to get anyone at school to join your band?" Emiliano asks, placing thier hand on Elliot's to stop the fidgeting.

"A few people seemed interested. But a band ran by an autistic druggie isn't the easiest sell."

"Well then, that is thier loss. You are the best vocalist in all of Perth. They would be nothing without you."

"I'm glad that you believe that. But you are biased, because you want me to be in a good mood so you can fuck me tonight? Right?"

"Elliot?! That's a bit vulgar for a high class establishment."

"It's not my fault I get laid more than these uptight businessmen."

"2 steaks both medium well?" A waitress asks, holding thier meals.

"Yes, thats our order. Thank you." Emiliano responds, whilst the waitress puts thier plates in front of them.

Emiliano begins to eat his food, before looking over to Elliot with concern.

"You okay babe?" They ask, before looking down to Elliot's plate. Realising why he had fallen silent.

"Everything is touching." Elliot says, scratching at his arm. "Why is it all touching! It's not supposed to. It's all wrong!" By this point Elliot has become visibly in panic.

"Please tell your friend to calm down or you will both be removed from this establishment!" A waiter demands, rushing to thier table, which every other table is now looking to.

"My Boyfriend, thank you very much! We specifically asked for his steak, chips and veggies to not be touching each other. He has sensory issues. You ignored our simple request. Now he's having a meltdown and getting blames for it!?" Emiliano complains frustrated that they are getting blamed.

"We do not allow requests like that? The waiter says, baffled at Emiliano's insistence that alterations were allowed.

"When I made that order, our waiter made no mention of that. If alterations aren't allowed we should if been told that while MAKING the alteration. It wasn't even really an alteration either. It's just changing the arrangement of what was already on the fucking plate!" Emiliano continues, ranting about the ease of not having the foods touch, how it is ableist to not allow such a small inclusion.

"The textures they are wrong! They aren't the same! They shouldn't touch!" Elliot continues, getting louder each sentence.

"C'mon Ell. Let's just go get Macca's. At least they know how to alter a fucking meal."

~~~~~~~~~20 mins later (at McDonald's)~~~~~~~~

"I made a fool out of myself, Em. I was screaming!? Hurting myself?! I must of looked like an entitled baby." Elliot mopes, eating a 20 pack of McNuggets.

"No, babe, they were in the wrong. It was a simple request for accessibility reasons, and they were too uppity to respect that. That didn't deserve the $150 I spent."

"Can we have an extra long cuddle after sex tonight?" Elliot asks, resting his head on Emiliano's shoulder.

"We can cuddle for the rest of the night."

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zoethehead · 2 months

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Here's the 2nd part to the previous post;

Edit: link to part 1:

Note; I will edit this with Alopard's design later

Edit: here's alopard's design

Story below;

The constant beeping sound of a heart monitor is what awoke Derek from his slumber. He opened his one unbruised eye to a bright light that stung to look at, his head aching from the lights. He tried to sit up from the bed, white hot pain shooting through his shot nerves as he let out a groan.

"Oh good, you're finally awake, please don't try overexherting yourself right now." A voice said.

Derek blinked a few times as a way to clear his hazy and fogged up blurry vision as he turned his head to the voice. Near his bedside was what looked like a tall anthropomorphic red squirrel with red and green blotches on their fur with bits of green moss sprouting from the fur, red eyes with pupils similar to that of a sheep, sharp teeth, a rat-like tail, and 2 insect mandibles at the corners of their mouth, and the strange creature was wearing medical scrubs.

"GAHH!!! W-WHO ARE YOU?!" Derek stammered.

"Relax, sir. I'm your doctor as of now, my name is Alopard." Alopard said.

Derek was nonplussed to the situation, where was he? Who was this guy? Why wasn't he dead? What day was it? When did he end up in a hospital?

"Sir, are you ok?" Alopard asked.

"No... I thought that I had died, I dunno why i'm in a hospital, and I have no Idea how I had survived being sucked through a black hole!" Derek said, tears welling in his eyes.

"Calm down, sir.... you're safe here" Alopard said.

Derek had finally calmed down, he laid his head against the pillow on the bed, he let out a sigh and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Since you've calmed down now, what's your pain level on a scale of 'happy as can be' to 'AUGH!'?" Alopard asked.

Derek let out a tiny chuckle before answering; "About a 5." He answered

"Good to know, I'm glad to have cheered you up a bit, too." Alopard answered.

After a few more tests done to check up on Derek's health, Alopard had finished.

"So, How long was I out for?" Derek asked.

"About a week and a half." Alopard answered.

Derek sighed, he had to accept that this was his life now.

"Look, uhm.....wait, what's your name?" Alopard asked.

"Derek Valdez, you can call me 'Derek' though." Derek answered.

Alopard wrote down Derek's name on the clipboard, writing down the details on the paper before speaking;

"Look, Derek.... When you are ready to be discharged from here, you can crash at my place." Alopard said.

"Yeah... that would be nice. " Derek said as he smiled.

"Good, alright; I have to check in on some other patients, just try to get some rest, okay?" Alopard asked.

"Yeah, I'll try to, thanks, by the way." Derek said.

"You're welcome, I'll see you later, Derek." Alopard said before leaving the room and closing the door.

Derek was now by himself, but he knew that he had to get used to this place, and he didn't mind, he was safe. Derek slowly drifted off to sleep, his mind was at ease as he realized that he was now....safe...

#whump #human whumpee #nonhuman caretaker #alien caretaker #space whump #waking up #wake up #waking from unconsciousness #waking up in hospital #hospital prompt #hospital whump #hospital #hospitals

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haptureratch · 3 months

Text

Being on wellbutrin (WHEN IT'S NOT TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE BY MEGA MARIO STAR RAINBOW RAVE BOOSTING MY ANXIETY) is so funny

Like I'm reading an old idea for a fanfic in my Samsung notes and lighting up punching the bed because DAMN THAT'S SUCH A WILD GOOD IDEA AND I -SEE- WHAT YOU DID THERE

Like.

Chill you goofy hypomanic binch XD

I'm comforted by the fact that these sleepless nights will end eventually because the psych plan has shifted to bringing my anxiety down and letting me sleep. I guess I can kind of enjoy extra verve now that I'm not thinking about the implications of it, and knowing that it got as bad as it would and the professional said "no worse". And that there's no work in a few hours (huge relief bc I obviously can't stay home while trialing meds but they do have the ability to impact work). But this is still soooo not normal lol. It's almost 2am. I was so ready for bed and then nope I started singing again and here we are. It's the music and the singing that fire me the fuck up lately.

I hope I'm okay when it's out of my system. I feel okay now. I feel lighter in some ways (heavier in others like my headache and tight carotids and EVEN MORE hyperactive startle response and reflexes). I feel the self-amusement side of me is turned up. I'm better at writing (that TORRENTIAL MESS I wrote on....Sunday? No one is allowed to read it unless they are a mentally ill girlie on the internet. Y'all are allowed. Y'all will understand.) I feel more at ease around people and non-autistic (conversation just comes, I don't care if I'm doing it wrong I just do it). Life around me tastes good (instead of .... what's a word .. jarring? I thrive off the vibrancy and possibility. I see the lights and I want to explore where they lead. IS THIS HOW HE LIVES???? Like a stabilized form of this?? FuKc)

I think this med just takes everything I already am and heightens it. Deepens it. Maybe I'm prone to insomnia and it's just so much worse. I do have a natural rhythm of getting fatigued and my body is ready for bed but if I stay up through that I get a second wind. That's kinda what's happening on this med just INTENSELY so. And music is my shit, I feel it so deeply. It moves me. I love it.

I'm so chatty.

I ted talk all by myself but, again, this med cranks it up quite a bit. I'll need to share the positives of this med with my psych so maybe she can get me something with a similar mechanism or like....she'll do her double board certified thing and COOK.

I'm glad I was able to accept my mom needing to go home. The first instinct was to feel abandoned and scared but something in me got brave and accepted it.

Is this all divine timing? Is the med at some kind of level that's helping me (but, again, taking years off my life by stealing me from my sleep) and I was able to polish off the fear veneer [[I swear to god I'm cooking so hard .. note to self go absolutely OFF on wellbutrin, get deliciously hypomanic, and write a BOOK MY DUDE]] -- anyway, am I going through a period of growth right now?

Side thought: if I already worked through my touch issues with Amy and had all those epiphanies, why am I still struggling with issues under that umbrella? I went back to being weird and feral about touch which is a basic human need. I didn't incorporate daily platonic touch. I didn't connect with others. I can think back to that bedroom in Galveston and I THOUGHT I had my whole life laid out in front of me and I saw it and understood it. But here I am. I'm not drowning in grief over it currently, I am just genuinely curious. Why did I forget it all over time and just revert back? Not to attack myself but to GENUINELY WONDER

Oh thank god I might be getting a wave of sleepiness

HA HAAA nevermind beech we back.

Maybe this experience can make me braver. Look at that. PAUL RUDD MEME LOOKATUS. I trialed a med and had super difficult relationship stuff and got into a bad physical state (weight/nutrition) AND went to work and did the work. Wow. I should be proud. I survived a difficult med trial along with all that. I wish that alone, that realization, could cure this core nagging negative thought that I am too weak to make it.

I just get so caught in that feeling of extreme anxiety. There are stronger words to say but my mind is slowing and my eyes are growing heavy

Sleep please take me

Carry me off and steal me for 10 solid hours

No I had to get up and use the restroom. And that gabapentin... I FELT THAT. Swaying around searching for ANY HINT OF PROPRIOCEPTION to maneuver myself to my bathroom. Meds are a fun experiment when they aren't terrifying. It's interesting to feel the science in your own body. Brings the reading and the research to life. Real kinesthetic learner style type shit.

No, yeah. This staying up because I have a stream of thoughts isn't outside the realm of expected Jess. I've done this with my creative writing. And read over it a million times late into the night trying to perfect it. But I think the medical response is still back off that med. Hypomania can still be bad for you even when it feels good. I need to be able to sleep. I wonder if this is just a reflection of how unstructured I am outside of work. Wait. Oh my god. OH MY GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE WHAT I DEALT WITH IN MED SCHOOL. REBECCA TRIED TO GET ME TO STRUCTURE MY DAY AROUND STUDYING AND HOBBIES AND I DIDN'T.

Oh my lord, my sweet lord this must get solved.

I'm glad Rilley got me into handling it mode. Instead of backing away in fear mode. I don't think I'd be doing all this life analysis now had we not had the hard talk earlier. I love and trust her so much. She is truly an incredible individual. She would make the absolute best therapist. She's basically there, she's so close. Fill her up with some training and I swear to god she'd blaze to the top.

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panticwritten · 6 months

Text

Exercise 1: Flash Fanfiction

Here's the first exercise that I wrote for the writing swap streams!

Turnout was low on the April stream, and I hope to see more folks for the stream on May 4th. I'll have a bit more time to prepare for that one, so I'm looking forward to it!

This first exercise is fanfiction from the video game Dauntless, which I've been playing with my husband for the past month or so. I didn't think I'd write anything in this universe, so this one was a surprise!

A small reflection is included at the end of the exercise, as part of the exercise.

Word count for the exercise: 626 words.

CW:

Blood/wound healing

We haven't added any paid tiers yet, but check out my Patreon for more content!

Not every hunt was equal.

The slayer eased their bare leg into the bath water and winced. Granny Strega had warned them, and she was right: This healing wasn’t pleasant. The special tonic she made would heal the corruption and close the wound, but all that meant was the pain of healing in minutes instead of spread over the weeks.

“Nasty fucker—hey, I told you to wait for me.” Their partner opened the bathing room door the rest of the way and only feigned a pout for another moment. “How’s it feeling?”

“Terrible. Nothing for pain in this, the corruption—”

They wobbled on the edge of the tub and Blaze moved closer to hold them steady by the shoulders. They didn’t look directly at her, instead meeting her eyes in the mirror propped up next to the tub.

The bathing room wasn’t particularly large, and Panic was fairly certain it was some sort of storage room before this section of the building was assigned to the pair. Just an empty square with a drain in the middle until Blaze dragged the tub and the mirror in several days after arriving. At the time, Panic was simply grateful to have privacy in bathing rather than using the public baths, but now they were glad to bleed the corruption out of their calf in the peace of their own home.

Thinking of that day and watching Blaze’s chocolate brown eyes was much easier than looking down at the black goo leeching from the wound just a couple inches under their knee.

That was fine, though, because Blaze took a glance down at the bath for them, then grimaced.

“That Shrowd got you pretty deep.” Blaze’s brow pinched in concern. She repeated: “You were supposed to wait for me.”

“Sorry.” Panic looked away, finally down into the tub at the cloud of black drifting out from their wound, mixing with the faint tinge of green from Granny’s tonic. “I just wanted to get this over with.”

She rolled her eyes, but it was with a smile. “Dumbass. Not even a week since you reforged your blades and you do this.”

“You’re the one who needed the voidfeathers,” Panic muttered through gritted teeth. “I wanted to go to Cape Fury. Deepfrost Skarns, for Gregario.”

“You still bother with his rumors?” Blaze barked a laugh, which drew a smile from them. No matter how strained, she knew exactly how to make them smile.

Panic flexed their leg and winced. A large puff of black and red shot from the wound, then the tub flashed with a green light.

All at once, the pain was gone. The inky black corruption had also vanished from the water, leaving that green tinge with sickly red ribbons flowing through it. The potion did its job, and Granny Strega earned her pay once again.

“So…” Blaze released Panic’s shoulders and backed away from the tub. Corruption she could handle, but blood was a whole different story. “Shrowds?”

Panic couldn’t help it: they burst into a thin laugh. Right back into the Embermane’s den, after that?

“Skarns, dude.” They snagged the towel they had hanging from the door handle to pat their leg dry. They lingered and touched the new, circular scar with the pad of their finger before dropping the towel on the ground. They’d clean up before suiting up. “Maybe some Thunderdeeps for Moyra, then we can go after your Shrowds again.”

Blaze feigned a pout, then cracked a grin. “Better go let Granny know you’re okay.” She reminded them. “She’ll be worried about you, especially after a special order like that.”

They nodded and rolled their pant leg back down to cover their calf. They’d better get moving before Granny sent someone after them.

------

My reflection:

Things I think I did well:

Actually writing something under 1,000 words??? It was also fun to work with two characters that are so completely new to me as a writer, especially since they are essentially blank slates as PCs.

Things I struggled with:

Something I normally have a really hard time with is environmental descriptions. This was no exception, and when I went back for a second pass to bring the word count up a little bit almost everything I added was related to describing the environment. These things just don’t come to me very easily.

I do still think the descriptions could have been better in this one, though I did purposefully not describe Blaze. Because the POV is pretty close to Panic, I really don’t think they would be thinking in detail about the appearance of someone they see everyday when they’re already feeling the stress of active pain and healing. Maybe I’ll write their first meeting sometime, though I’m not sure if I’ll keep writing Dauntless stuff.

What ‘muscles’ do I feel like I worked this time?:

I definitely worked on my characterization and stylization skills. Having two characters that have no prescribed personality other than ‘this is my avatar to experience the world with’ and creating a whole personality for them was fun.

Fitting them into a world I’ve never written in was also a challenge, since I normally write in worlds that feel familiar to me or that I’ve been writing in for so long they feel like home. This was something new, and that can be tough. I remember the line ‘into the Embermane’s den’ was originally ‘into the lion’s den’ until I realized that these people wouldn’t refer to it as a lion’s den since lions are far from the scariest critter they would have to worry about.

Putting myself into the world and asking those questions: “what would be common phrases in this world?” “how do common sayings and phrases change based on worldbuilding context?” “how does this translate into behavior differences, and habits?”

These questions are helpful when writing fanfiction, of course, but they are also very important when writing within our own original worlds that might diverge from the reality we live in and the spheres we exist in. This is part of why I chose this world to write in, honestly, because I knew it would be more of a challenge.

#my writing #filled prompts #my art #dauntless

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jekacatrina · 3 years

Text

Dressed for battle

This is a small one shot I wrote to keep my mind of some fucked up things happening in my life right now. This is my take on how Bakugou managed to look like this:

Katsuki finishes buttoning up his shirt perfectly for once, and scowls at his reflection. He looks stiff and uncomfortable, and that's because he fucking is.

He sighs, bunching up the tie he holds in his hand, and marches out of his room. He glances briefly at Kirishima's door, and tosses aside the obvious option. Katsuki feels too much to deal with him at the moment.

He stomps his way to the room exactly above his, and punches the door until an inexpressive face meets his.

"Bakugou?" The only reaction he gets from Todoroki is a slight raise of eyebrows.

Katsuki checks the hallway for nosey fuckers, then plants a hand firmly on IcyHot's chest and pushes him back into the barely decorated space.

"Is there something wrong?" he asks, as Katsuki firmly closes the door behind.

Just everything about this situation, Katsuki thinks, mind traveling to a certain idiot with self sacrificial tendencies and a grip on Katsuki that he was never able to shake off. He no longer wants to, so he's glad for it, even if he wants to beat some sense into Deku's thick skull.

"Do my tie, dumbass," Katsuki holds up the red offending item in front of Todoroki's face. A direct command is the closest thing he can get to a request, to asking for a favor. Katsuki would rather avoid putting himself in any scenario where he is in a vulnerable position, but what they're about to do, ambush the Number One hero and demand help, requires him to be on his best behavior.

He's not doing this for him, this is for Deku.

Where Kirishima would have probably teared up and had a heart attack, IcyHot just gives him a slow blink.

"Oh, okay," Todoroki carefully takes the tie from him, handling it with ease, unlike Katsuki, who was holding it like it was a venomous snake. "I didn't think you owned one." His tone is even, calm, like Katsuki is not breaking some walls between them. IcyHot is so weird, he makes everything seem normal, and that's something Katsuki needs right now.

"Fuck off," he scoffs, lifting the collar of his shirt so Todoroki doesn't get any ideas of touching him more than what's strictly necessary. "It's Shitty Hair's spare one," he confesses for some reason. Katsuki scowls inwardly, but figures that he can be straight with IcyHot after all that has happened.

Again, Todoroki barely reacts and that makes Katsuki feel less on edge.

"I'm stepping closer," he warns him, acting as if Katsuki is a wild animal. He appreciates the gesture, even though he rolls his eyes.

Todoroki throws the tie behind his neck and lays the two ends across his chest. Katsuki tenses, but forces himself to relax, letting the idiot work through the process.

He's not paying attention to IcyHot, it's not like he'll start wearing his tie outside of this occasion, so Katsuki is looking at some point over his shoulder when Todoroki speaks up.

"Midoriya is going to be okay," he doesn't know whether he's trying to convince himself or Katsuki.

"I know that," he spats, frowning. "We just have to drag his stupid ass back here," he clenches his hands into fists, remembering the letter and how furious he felt as he read it. Deku has a lot of explaining to do. Katsuki hasn't stopped thinking about some parts, and that makes him get even angrier.

"He's not going to make it easy, is he?" Todoroki asks, undoing an almost finished knot, and starting over. Katsuki doesn't call him out on it, letting him say his piece is the least he can do.

"We can handle him, Half and half," Katsuki states, ignoring the bandages wrapped around his stomach, and how the shirt stretches over the ones on his left arm. With his half healed burns, Todoroki is not better than him. His evil and very not dead older brother was a second wind away from leaving him well done instead of medium rare. Still, Katsuki believes they are enough.

Deep down, he knows Deku is not someone they have to handle, he's someone they have to reach. The entire class is a good start, but Katsuki plans to finish everything himself.

Todoroki hums appeased, tightening the knot, and Katsuki bats his hands away. He can do this part alone. IcyHot steps back, lowering his mismatched eyes to his shoes.

With nothing else to say, Katsuki turns on his heels and opens the door.

"Bakugou?"

"What?" Katsuki glances at him over his shoulder.

"Thanks for rallying us," he's giving him that small smile that gets on his nerves. Though, less than before. Huh, he must be getting soft.

"Tch! Make sure to chew your old man a new one," Katsuki says, ignoring the misplaced gratitude. He has his own reasons to step in; he has never been one to stay put and let things happen. If the others want to join in, fine by him. "I'll take over when I see fit." He's about to leave, when he grips the tie and studies it. "This doesn't suck," he comments, trusting Todoroki not to be as dense as to misunderstand what he means, but can't say.

"Thank you," IcyHot says for him.

"See ya, Half and Half."

Katsuki walks back to his room, dressed for battle and prepared for victory, as usual.

----

I just have so many feelings about that tie, guys, and those two being friends? Amazing ✨

#bnha 319 #mha 319 #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #bakudeku #because i say so #i love todoroki and bakugou friendship #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #my writing

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edna-skiffens · 3 years

Text

The Best Medicine

Summary: You are in the hospital, but you can never sleep in hospitals. Good thing you have a very attractive night shift nurse who is willing to help out.

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: hospitals, light med talk, bad medical writing, fluff

A/N: Please ignore the plot holes or the fact that this isn’t the most realistic and also I know this isn’t how discharge works at the hospital.. It’s called fiction for a reason, darling. Also, I left the reason the reader is in the hospital open ended bc some of us may have medical conditions/reasons that we can attach to this, but if not I tried to keep it vague enough on purpose so that you can imagine whatever. Also if you like Nurse!Tom and have requests for him lmk bc i’m happy to write for him.

Toss and turn. Toss and turn. The routine was getting old. This was your third night in the hospital and sleep just wasn’t coming to you.

Maybe it was the medicine they had you on. Maybe it was the constant symphony of sounds and people passing in the hallway. Maybe it was because you weren’t at home in your own bed.

Maybe it was just because you were in the hospital.

You couldn’t be sure. What you were sure of is that you weren’t falling asleep anytime soon.

Feeling another presence in the room, you looked from the ceiling to the doorway where you saw Tom, one of the night shift nurses, standing cautiously.

“I didn’t wake you did I?” He asked as he eased his way inside.

“Nope.”

“So no sleep again, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Sorry darling. Let’s go ahead and get these vitals over with.” He took your blood pressure, oxygen levels, temperature and wrote it down in your chart. Putting the clipboard back on its hook at the end of the bed, he looked up at your tired face. “Okay. So now about that sleep. What do you think will help?”

“Not being in the hospital.”

He chuckled lightly while walking back towards your bedside.

“I know. You hate it here. You’ve made that very clear and I try not to take too much offense to it.” You let out a slight laugh and held back the fact that he was the best part of this whole experience. He almost made it worth it. “I’m sorry we can’t give you any sleeping medication. Do you think it’ll help if I talk to you?”

“You mean tell me bedtime stories?” You couldn’t help but tease him at the adorable suggestion, though it sent a swarm of butterflies off in your stomach.

“I was thinking more like bore you ‘till you fell asleep. But whatever works.”

“You’re the nurse. If you think it’ll help.” You both sat there smirking at each other for a moment. Something unspoken floating in the air between you two.

“Well, I need to finish my round of vitals first. I’ll come check on you when I’m done and if you’re still up we’ll see about those stories.”

“I’ll be here.”

About fifteen or twenty minutes later you heard a light tap on your door followed by “Still awake?”

“Always.”

“You up for a chat?” Tom asked as he made his way to the stool then rolled slightly closer to your bed.

“Got nothing better to do.” You teased again.

“Okay. Well you should probably lay down.”

“Oh. It’s going to be that kind of story, huh?” His laugh was so beautiful and you were happy you were the cause of it.

“No.” He corrected in between laughs “The goal is to get you to sleep. So sitting up won’t help.”

“Right. Right.”

“Well.. anything in particular you’d like to talk about?”

“Why did you choose to become a nurse?”

“Ahhh. Good question. So I actually went to an art school.” You couldn’t help the brief expression of surprise that crossed your face. “I know. Shocking. I did training specifically in dance and gymnastics and I loved it.”

“Wait, so what happened?” You asked, turning on your side to face him more comfortably.

“Well one day we were rehearsing for a show and I fell. Ruined my knee. Had to do physical therapy for months. I tried to get back into it, but it just wasn’t the same. However, through that process I learned a lot about medicine and the health side of things. It really turned me on to it. And when my Plan A got a bit messed up I thought ‘hey, this could work’. So far it’s treated me pretty well.”

You smiled at Tom, admiring his passion for his career and the determination he had to keep pushing after his accident. You enjoyed hearing him talk about it too. If you didn’t know any better you would say it was helping you relax.

“My story that boring?”

“Obviously.”

“Your sarcasm has no end.”

“Oh… goodness.. you thought that was sarcasm?”

Tom only laughed and shook his head the way he often did with you.

You may just have been his patient and he may have just been your nurse, but you both bonded. He kept you company and gave you comfort. In return, you kept him entertained during the quiet night shifts.

“I’m not going to sleep. I'm just resting my eyes. But still listening.” You told him as you nestled further into the hospital bed, trying to find a position that would make it comfortable.

“Okay, darling.” He grinned at you.

“Tell me more. What kind of-” You had to stop to yawn, “What kind of art stuff did you do?”

“Oh. Well, I was in a few musicals. I really enjoyed dancing. I did ballet ever since I was young and I love the control I have over my body. The tricks I can do with gymnastics or the turns and leaps. I mean I can’t do them to that level anymore, but I try to stay active.” He glanced up and noticed you hadn’t moved, “Are you still with me?”

“Mhm.” You barely respond.

“Okay. Well it was a performing arts school so we really were trained in many areas. We had classes in acting, singing, dancing, all of it. It was a lot of fun and I met my best friends there.”

Tom began telling stories about his time at school. Before he knew it, he lost himself and track of time. He looked back at you, quiet and still.

“Y/N?” You were finally asleep. “Goodnight, darling.” He whispered as he gently made his exit.

Because Tom worked the night shift, you never saw him when you woke in the morning. Instead, Tanya, a sweet nurse that felt like a big sister, or Linda, Nurse Ratched in the flesh, came in for morning vitals and meds.

You counted down the days until your release. Life in the hospital was pretty uneventful with the limit on visitors and limited activity. There’s only so many sitcoms one can take in a given timespan. The only thing that you really looked forward to each night was when Tom clocked in.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Tom.” You would smile at each other.

“How are we feeling today?”

“Better. Ready to get out of here.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear you are feeling better and still ready to jailbreak.” He smiled while writing something down on your chart. “They should be bringing up your dinner tray soon and then I’ll bring by your evening meds after that.”

“Okay.”

“If you need me you know what to do.” He called to you before walking out the door.

You were disappointed when Shelley brought your evening meds by later. She was a nice enough nurse. She just wasn’t Tom.

You’d grown accustomed to mainly having him as your nurse during the evening shift. At first you weren’t sure if it was coincidence or on purpose, but after a few nights of staying up and talking, you grew closer to him. You saw less of the other nursing staff and more of Tom.

You tried not to build anything up in your head. You were sure everything he was doing was in his job description and a part of being a good nurse.

He would sneak you extra pudding cups from the cafeteria and bring you an extra heated blanket because you could never stay warm. If you needed a new IV, he held your hand to ease the anxiety. He kept you company and made you feel less alone in such a sterile and intimidating place. And when he noticed you had trouble sleeping he chose to sit with you to help you fall asleep. You couldn’t help the butterflies that built in your stomach.

It became a sort of routine. He checked on you during evening vitals, even if someone else was doing them, and you were always still awake. He would then come and sit with you and chat for a bit, telling you different stories until you eventually fell asleep.

Some nights when you were extra restless he would help you walk the halls.

“The doctors have to see you’re stable enough before you can be discharged. Plus, maybe it’ll tire you out.” He suggested.

He would help get your IV pole ready so you could walk with it. He helped you into your slippers and eased you out of bed after passing you your robe.

Walking the hall slowly, Tom knew he had to remain professional, yet he found a few excuses to graze his hand across your back to ‘steady you’ when you turned corners or he thought you were looking tired.

“It might take me a while to get back to my usual jogs in the park, huh?” You laughed in spite of yourself.

“You’ll get there. Baby steps.” He encouraged, as you turned around the Nurse’s Station. You missed the faces the other night shift nurses were giving you both, but Tom was sure to subtly flick them off. “So, do you like running?” He asked as you headed back towards your room.

Throughout your late nights together, he told you of his three younger brothers and his dog named Tessa. You spoke about what you would do when you were out of hospital. He talked about his friends and flatmates and the adventures they had. He told you many stories, but each morning when you woke up he was clocked out and the day shift nurses were there.

Tonight was your last night. You’re set to be discharged tomorrow and while you are ecstatic to go home, you’re going to miss one thing about this place.

“I bet you’re too excited to sleep tonight. I don’t know if my stories will even help.” Tom said as he sat down next to you.

You smiled up to him sweetly.

“What are you looking forward to the most once you get out of here?”

“Sleeping in my own bed.”

“Well that’s no surprise.” Tom laughed, a contagious sound making you giggle as well. “Isn’t there anything you’ll miss about this place?”

“Yeah.” He smiled “There’s one thing.”

“What’s that?” He asks.

“The pudding cups.”

“Ahh the pudding cups of course.” You giggled while fiddling with the IV line.

“They just don’t taste the same in the outside world.”

His smile grew wider as you giggled.

“No, but really. As much as I give this place grief and say I’m ready to get out of here - which I am,” You gave him a pointed look to which he held his hands up in mock surrender, fully believing you, “it hasn’t been too terribly awful I guess.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad we could make your stay not too terribly awful.. I guess.” He teased. “Do you have anything exciting to look forward to once you’re a free woman?”

“Nothing huge planned, really. The doctors did say to take it easy.”

“That’d be wise.”

“Yeah. I’ll just lay low for a while. My sister said she may try to come visit me though so that would be nice.”

“Oh that would be nice. She’s your older sister right?”

“Right. She moved away last year to be closer to her boyfriend.”

“Ah. Do you like him?”

“Sorry?”

“This boyfriend. Do you like him?”

“He’s alright, I suppose. He makes her happy.” Tom nodded along.

“And do you have a boyfriend that makes you happy?”

“N-No. No I don’t. Not at the moment.” You began fiddling with the IV cord again.

“No boyfriend or not a boyfriend that makes you happy?” He asked.

“Neither.”

“Well that’s a shame.” If the heart monitor was connected you would’ve been screwed. “I just mean someone needs to look after you once you get home. I hope this sister comes through for a visit. You’ve got to take it easy.”

“Oh I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure you will be.” He smiled.

“How has your shift been tonight? Busy?” You asked, fighting back a yawn.

“A bit busier than usual. There was a slight emergency earlier which is why Shelley handed out meds tonight. Sorry I didn’t come around.”

“It’s alright. I know you have other patients.”

“Yeah, but none like you.” You were sure he said that to all of his patients. After all, you’ve heard similar lines ever since you went to the pediatrician as a child. But it still gave you butterflies.

“Are you getting sleepy?”

“A little. But it’s okay.” He gave you a pointed look but continued to talk anyway. “It’s the last night. One final request for storytime. Make it a good one.”

You thought for a moment before asking your question.

“Do you ever wish that life turned out differently? That you never had your accident and you could’ve followed your dreams to be a dancer?” You asked while turning on your side and getting more comfortable.

“Sometimes. At least, I used to. But I think I’ve accepted it now. And I really can’t see myself doing anything but this.” You nodded taking in his answer “I look at it this way. If it wasn’t for my injury then I never would’ve changed my career path and found my love for medicine. I never would have made so many of the friends I’ve made or the memories I’ve made. I never would have met you.” He finishes with a sweet smile.

“That’s a very positive way of looking at it.” You told him. “Be honest, are you a therapist during the day?” He laughed out loud.

“No. I’m not. I guess I’m a big believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’.” You nodded while covering a yawn.

“So I’ve been curious to ask you,” He began, “Do you usually have this much trouble sleeping? Because you can get help for that you know?” You smiled at him.

“What? I thought a night nurse talking to you was the cure?” Tom smirked and shook his head. “I’m kidding. No, I normally don’t. It’s just the stiff sheets and hospital sounds I think.”

“Darn hospital.” He rolled his eyes and joked. “So this time tomorrow you’ll be sound asleep in your own bed then?”

You knew it was meant to be a happy statement, but you were a little sad at the thought of not having any more late night chats with Tom.

“Yes. Thank God.” You forced a smile.

You felt another yawn coming and tried to hold it back. It was already past the usual time that you fell asleep.

Tom could tell you were exhausted so he launched into a story from nursing school, hoping to lull you to sleep.

You yawned your way through listening, trying to soak up every last moment with Tom. In the morning he wouldn’t be here. You’d leave and likely never see him again.

When he finished, your eyes were half open and he wondered how you were still awake. Or maybe why.

“Why are you fighting it? The point is to sleep. Give in.” He told you gently after another yawn.

You looked up at him, half asleep and rubbing your eyes, not finding the confidence to tell him the true reason you were trying to stay awake.

“I’m happy right now.”

He smiled down at you.

“I am too. But you need your sleep, darling.” You weren’t sure what to say and you didn’t have much energy left in you anyway. “How about this. I’ve probably been in here too long as it is. Let me go check in at the Nurse’s Station and then I’ll come back and check on you soon and see if you’re still awake okay?”

The thought that he was leaving gave you a sad feeling in your stomach. You tried to remind yourself that he was just your nurse. Nothing more.

“Okay.” You smiled at him, sleepily, while settling further into the bed.

He stood up and instead of walking towards the door he walked closer to you. He grabbed the thin, white hospital blanket and pulled it closer around your shoulders.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered before he walked to the door.

“Tom?” You called out just before he opened it. He turned around with an expectant look, “Thanks for everything.”

Even though the room was dim you could see his smile.

“You’re welcome, Y/N. Get some sleep.”

You don’t remember much after that. You don’t know if Tom came back to check on you. You just remember falling asleep with a smile on your face.

When you woke up the following morning it felt like any other morning in the hospital.

The hallways were much louder. Beeps, chatter, and phones were constant. The lights were brighter.

But you were quickly reminded that it wasn’t any other morning. You were going home today.

The door creaked open and Tanya, one of your regular daytime nurses, poked her head in.

“Oh good you’re up.” She made her way inside and over to the gloves. “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good. Thanks.” She gave you a smile, something hidden behind it.

“I’m sure.” She said quietly to herself. You gave her a questioning look. “Oh I just mean I’m sure you’re excited to get out of here.”

You nodded as she took your vitals one last time.

“Everything looks good. What do you say about getting this IV out?”

“I say that sounds amazing.”

She took it out and bandaged up your arm while informing you of how the morning would go.

“Dr. McCoy is making rounds now then he’ll be by soon to go over your discharge. You can get dressed whenever you’re ready. If you need help, buzz me. You’ll still have a breakfast tray come, but you don’t have to eat it.” She gave you a wink while taking off her gloves.

“Thanks Tanya.”

“Of course, sweetie. And in case I don’t see you before you go, you’ve been a wonderful patient. Take care of yourself.” You smiled at her as she left you to change into some leggings and a sweatshirt.

You were packing your remaining things into your bag when your doctor walked in.

“Y/N! How are we doing today?”

“We’re doing great because we’re going home.” You smiled while taking a seat to rest for a few minutes.

“I know you’re excited.” He laughed before explaining the conditions of your discharge. You had medicines to take, a follow up appointment, and strict instructions to rest for the next few weeks. After signing some forms he left you with a stack of papers. “Is someone coming to pick you up?”

“Yeah my neighbor should be here within an hour.”

“Sounds good. Don’t hesitate to call us or come back in if you have any trouble or questions.”

“Will do. Thanks.”

A few minutes after he left a nurse brought in your breakfast tray. There wasn’t much of a point for it but since your discharge wasn’t technically until 10:30 am you were still a patient during breakfast.

You took the pudding cup that you requested with every meal off the tray before sliding it away. Smiling to yourself, you tucked it away in your bag. All you had left to do was wait for 10:30.

Tanya came in to check on you again and told you to buzz the Nurse’s Station when you knew your ride was here. At 10:27 you had a text from your neighbor that they were out front in the pickup zone. So you hit the call button.

“Yes?” Linda, the scariest dayshift nurse, answered.

“Um hi. Tanya told me to buzz in when my ride was here so I could go down.”

“Okay we’ll be right in.”

Not even a minute later you heard your door open. Expecting to see Tanya or maybe even Linda you looked up.

An audible gasp left your lips when Tom stood in your doorway with a wheelchair.

“I hear someone needs a ride?” He smiled as he made his way closer to the bed.

“Tom. What are you still doing here?”

“I pulled a double.” You wanted to ask why, but decided against it. You were still in a little bit of shock from seeing him again. “If you’d rather I can go get Linda to walk you down?” He pointed back towards your door.

“No! No.. I’m just surprised s’all.”

“Well come on. I thought you’d be running out of this place once the clock hit 10:30.” Glancing up you saw it was now 10:34. Your neighbor is probably tired of waiting already.

You grabbed your discharge papers and reached for your bag when you heard, “I got it.” Smiling at him, you sat down in the wheelchair. Tom placed the bag around his shoulder and kicked the brakes off the chair. “Ready?” You nodded up at him.

He rolled you out of the room that felt so small for a final time. You passed the Nurse’s Station and waved bye to the staff. He turned by the elevators and when you looked up at him in question, he read your mind. Looked down at you he said, “We’re taking the staff elevators.”

When you made it there he hit the button, turning you around and backing you in once the doors opened. He hit the button for the Lobby and leaned up against the wall of the elevator, briefly glancing at you, as you rode down together.

“Well you made it. You’re a free woman.” He smiled shyly.

“Yippee.” He met your eyes for a moment before looking back to the floor. The dynamics felt different. It wasn’t like your late night talks together.

“Listen, Y/N.” Tom began as he stood up from the wall and faced you. He was about to continue when the elevator ding cut him off, signaling you had reached your destination.

Maybe that was what was different. You had reached your destination.

You had a fun time talking with Tom and entertaining each other when you were both up late at night. He was fun to get to know and you enjoyed having someone care for you. He was easy to banter with and certainly easy on the eyes. But your time at the hospital was up. You knew it would be eventually. You wanted it to be.

Tom was a nurse. He was just doing his job. He was helping take care of you. He was being nice. He was trying to make your stay more comfortable. There was nothing to read into.

Your time being his patient was up and your time with him was up.

You tried to remain realistic, but the sadness still crept up as he rolled you closer to the door.

Once outside, you saw your neighbor exit the car and wave you over. Tom steered in the direction and slowed before rolling to a stop and hitting the brake locks on the wheels.

“Hi, I’m Taylor.”

“Tom.” They shook hands as Tom passed off your bag for Taylor to put in the backseat.

“I’m sorry for the circumstances, but it really has been a pleasure having you as a patient and getting to know you, Y/N.” Tom admitted as he walked around to face you. He grabbed the papers from your lap. “Take care of yourself, okay?” You had shared many smiles with Tom, but this one felt sadder.

“I will. Thank you for everything, Tom. I mean it.” You reached up and squeezed his hand. He gave you a light squeeze back while smiling down at you. Taylor returned from the backseat of the car and Tom turned to them.

“These are her important papers about follow up appointments, medications, what to do at home, all of that so please make sure she doesn’t lose any of them.” He emphasized the point.

“Got it. Thanks.” Taylor held onto the stack while Tom turned back to you.

“If I can’t handle a few papers on my own, then maybe I shouldn’t be going home yet, Tom.” You laughed.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure they made it home with you.” He walked closer. “You ready to get in?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. He helped you up, supporting you just as a precaution. Once seated, you took a moment to catch your breath as you pulled the seatbelt down. He met your hand, taking it from you to buckle you in.

“You good?”

You nodded with a smile, “Just a little tired. No biggie.”

He looked you over before returning your smile, though his didn’t quite reach his eyes, “If you need us, call us. Otherwise go home and rest.”

This was it. This was goodbye.

“Thanks, Tom.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

He shut the door. He walked back to the wheelchair, released the brake locks and headed inside. He looked back only when your car was driving away.

“Here’s those papers that are so important.” Taylor handed you the stack after they got in.

“Thanks.”

“So how are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks.” You felt them looking at you as they joined traffic.

“You sure? You sound like you feel awful.”

You try to remind yourself to forget the sweet and attractive nurse and start moving forward.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” You decide to distract yourself by reading through your discharge paperwork, when something caught your eye. On top was a sticky note with the hospital’s letterhead. You were sure it wasn’t there before. Looking closer it read,

Y/N,

In case you need someone to talk to when you can’t sleep.

555-5555

P. S. I have a connection to some pretty good pudding cups too.

Tom

The smile that grew on your face was undeniable. All the feelings you suppressed came flooding in. He wasn’t just being nice. He actually liked you.

One thing you knew for sure was that even though you would be in your own bed tonight, you still would be up, talking to a very special nurse.

Lmk if you want to be on my tag list

#tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland hc #tom holland blurb #tom holland one shot #tom holland headcanon #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom Holland #tom holland x y/n #nurse!tom #nurse!tom au #nurse!tom Holland #nurse!tom x patient!reader #sick!reader #edna skiffens writes #writing #my writing

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mammonprotectionsquad · 3 years

Note

Congrats on 1k, Becky! ^^ Could I get Ray + 34? 😍😊

Thank youuu 💕

Once again I apologize how long it took me to get to these requests 🙈

Also uh... This is the very first time I wrote for Ray, so I hope it doesn't suck and you like this anyway 💕

34. Hugging while grabbing butt

Ray x Reader

You had a skip in your step as you walked next to Ray through the luscious garden. The light of the moon made the entire atmosphere even more romantic than it already was anyway, being surrounded by so many beautiful flowers. Ray had apologized countless times for only being able to show you around at night, but you reassured him over and over again that you didn't mind. The most important thing to you was being able to spend time with him. Not only that, but seeing him in an environment where he was more... at ease. You loved seeing the gleam in his eyes whenever he told you something about the different kinds of flowers as you passed them.

"I can't tell you often enough how impressive it is that you can remeber all those things, Ray!", you exclaimed as you turned to face him, continuing to walk backwards. "Honestly, I'm glad when I remember to wat-", you cut yourself off when you suddenly tripped, already expecting to land unceremoniously on the stone path.

But much to your surprise, the impact never came. Instead, when you opened your eyes, you found yourself nearly nose to nose with the white haired boy. You could feel your face heat up from the close proximity.

His eyey clearly showed a mixture of shock and worry and with the way your hands rested on his chest, you could feel his heart hammering away.

One of his arms was wrapped tightly around your waist to keep you upright, hand sprawled out on your back, while the other was... right on your butt.

It seemed like, now that the initial shock of your little accident started to subside, you both noticed at the same time where his hand had unintentionally wandered. He pulled his hands back so fast, you didn't even have any time to react, at the same time he took a couple steps back to get some distance between the two of you. Absolute mortification written all over his face.

"I-I'm so sorry, Y/N... I didn't... I would never...", Ray stammered, unable to finish any of his sentences as his eyes were nearly glued to his feet. Whether to avoid looking at you or to hide that his face had turned beet red at that point, you didn't know.

And no matter how bad you felt about him looking like he'd combust any second, it was impossible for you not to chuckle. Not because you were making fun of him, god beware. That was the last thing you'd ever do. It was simply because he was, once again, being way too adorable.

You made sure to take slow steps towards him, before you reached out to cup his cheek in your hand, gently coaxing him into lifting his head that way.

"Ray, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry about. In fact, you saved me from falling, so... Thank you", you nearly whispered, aiming a gentle smile at him.

He seemed to hesitate, but at least he didn't avoid meeting your eyes anymore, which was a good start.

"S-so you're not mad at me? Even though I soil-"

"Of course I am not mad at you", you interrupted him, knowing fairly well what he would've said and you never liked when he talked badly about himself. "Why would I? It wasn't like you did it on purpose now, did you?"

He immediately shook his head, while you brushed your fingertips along his jawline, then down his arm in order to entangle his gloved fingers with yours.

"Besides...", you spoke up again, glancing at him over your shoulder with a wide smile, as you gently tugged him along further into the garden. "If there's anyone I'd allow to touch my butt whenever he wants to, it's you~ And yes, that was an offer", you chirped, even winking at him.

You could pinpoint the exact second his brain shut down at your words, mouth opening and closing a couple times, but no words came out. Ending with him turning into a complete flustered mess.

Masterlist I Masterlist II

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deexchanel · 3 years

Text

little girl in a box.

word count:

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x BlackFem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, mention of killing😬.

Summary: Bucky and Y/N comes home from their date to find a sweetheart in a box.

A/N: this haven't been my week so im using fanfiction to be a distraction.

Y/N and Bucky walked up the stairs to their apartment in Bucharest. They were holding hands, engaged in a conversation.

"I was thinking, what if I made shrimp alfredo?" Y/N asked as their hands sway back and forth. Bucky looked at her confused.

"What's alfredo?"

"Oh my god, you never had it before?"

"I mean in the army they boiled everything. It wasn't really lavish."

"Everything boiled sound so nasty."

"I know right but I managed. What's going to be in it?"

"Shrimp and pasta with Alfredo sauce. I think you're going to love it!"

"That's fine with me babe, as long as it isn't soup."

"Same." Y/N laughed letting go of his hand so she could unlock the door. Normally they would go through the window. But just for one night, they didn't want to be paranoid. Just to have one normal night.

Bucky stopped in his tracks staring at a medium size box that had big holes poked in it. "Y/N were you expecting something?"

"No." Y/N with hesitation getting worried that this might a setup. Bucky pulled her behind him protectively then proceeded to nudge open the box. The box top fell off and a pair of brown doe eyes stared back at them. Bucky hardened face expression soften as he saw a beautiful little girl in the box.

Whoever left this beautiful child in the box was a horrible person in general. The little girl sat up looking at the couple nervously. Bucky squat down so they could be eye level.

"Hi princess... I'm Bucky and that's my girlfriend Y/N. Would you like to tell me your name?" Bucky said softly then pointed at Y/N who waved giving a toothless smile. It was like Bucky's dad instincts kicked in as he felt the need to protect the little girl any way he could.

She shook her head as a way of saying she didn't want to talk. Her body was skinny seeming that she haven't ate in a couple of days. She looked no older then 4. Y/N squat down to help ease her nerves.

"How about we go in and get you something to eat?"

The little girl looked at Y/N scaredly and instantly held her arms out for Bucky. Y/N sigh knowing that whatever happened in this girl past, she was scared of women she didn't trust. Bucky picked her up gently not wanted to hurt her with his arm.

They walked into the apartment and Y/N quickly started to prepare dinner. Bucky sat on the bed while the little girl sat on the side of them. He tries to start conversation again with her.

"Can you tell me your name now?"

The little girl looked around before speaking softly,"Melanie.."

The pair looked at each otherin shock, he got her to talk. There wasn't any technology in the room so they best way to stay entertained was to have conversation.

"Well Melanie how old are you?" Bucky questioned.

"Five." She said but held up three fingers making Bucky smile in amusement. He helped her by raising up another finger.

"How old are you?"

Y/N giggled while fixing their bowls. Nobody have ever asked him that. Bucky laughed since its been a long time since someone asked him that.

"Well doll, I'm 106."

Melanie made a funny face turning her head to the side. Y/N came over with three bowls in her hands. Bucky grabbed the bowls passing one to Melanie, while holding the other ones as Y/N sat down so she wouldn't spill it.

"Can I eat all of it? I've been good all week." Melanie moved some of her hair from her face with a a sadden expression. Y/N felt so bad for her, this wasn't right.

"Baby you can eat all it. I can make more if you want some okay?"

"Okay." Melanie smiled digging in her food. Bucky and Y/N shared a look. He was angry that she went through horrible things at a young age.

After dinner, Bucky washed and put the dishes away while Y/N laid down on the mattress. Melanie kept picking her head up to see if Bucky was coming.

"He's coming honey, he's washing dishes."Y/N laughed softly realizing what she was doing. "You tired?"

Melanie shook her head, rubbing her eyes,"No."

"Yes you are. Come here?" Y/N asked nicely but Melanie poked out her lip. She was sitting in the middle of the mattress near Y/N's knees.

"Noo, I'm waiting on Bucky."

"Here I am princess." Bucky grunt getting on his knees behind her. Melanie looked happy as he picked her up, walking on his knees to get to this spot on the mattress. Y/N laid on her side, watching them in admiration.

Melanie was very brave and didn't take long getting used to the couple. Food was a way to her heart so the trust came quickly. She was snuggled between Bucky and Y/N while they cuddled her enjoying their sleep.

-----------

2:48 a.m.

People smashing through the apartment windows starled them awoke. Before Bucky could reach for his gun, a man punched him in the face. Y/N quickly grabbed Melanie holding her into her chest then gets up grabbing the emergency bookbag.

The couple agreed that if this was to happen then find the best way out possible. They would find each other no matter how far away they was. Bucky did one on one combat with the man that broke in.

"GO Y/N!"

She nodded rushing to the door making sure to keep a good grip on Melanie. When she opened the door a man stood their with a gun pointed directly at her head. Melanie start to cry with all the commotion going on. Tears start to fall out of Y/N's eyes, thinking this was it.

"Go back in now or I won't hesitate putting one between your eyes." The man sneered putting the cold gun on her forehead. Y/N turned around going back into the apartment. Bucky closed his eyes trying not to lose it as he saw his family being held at gun point. He was being held at gun point as well but he was hoping that his girls was able to get away.

"So Winter Soldier, you really thought you could get away." A man laughed turning on a light revealing his face. It was Rumlow holding Bucky at gun point and the man that held Y/N at gun point was Pierce. Bucky chest heaved up and down as he was getting angrier.

Melanie little face was turning red from how hard she was crying. Pierce rapidly pointed another gun in his other hand at Melanie's little forehead.

"NO!"Bucky jumped forward but Rumlow put the gun on his forehead making him stop. Pierce took the gun off safety pressing it harder on Melanie's forehead which makes Y/N sob harder.

"Shut the little brat up!"

"Melanie baby, stop... stop crying we're okay. Bucky's okay." Y/N lied hoping she was to stop crying. Melanie cries turns into sniffles looking at Y/N hopefully.

Y/N nod her head crying,"We're okay baby."

Bucky felt like he let his girls down. He was so angry that he wanted to kill both of them but he couldn't move. "I'll go back and do whatever. Just p-please leave my family out of this."

"That's what I wanted to hear! Cuff him!" Pierce exclaimed letting the guns drop from Y/N and Melanie. Y/N shook her head not wanting Bucky to leave and endure all the things they worked so hard for him to forget.

"Bucky no!”

"Shut it bitch!" Pierce snapped at her holding the gun to her head again making her jump. It was killing Bucky for not being able to help.

"I'm sorry Y/N. I love you." Bucky sigh putting his arms behind his back so Rumlow could cuff him. As Rumlow did, Redwing flew in dropping a disk on Pierce's forehead electrocuting him. Sending him unconscious.

Bucky ducked as Rumlow shot the gun towards him making the girls scream. Sam flew in the window taking out the extra gaurd that stood by the refrigerator. Bucky stood up swiftly so he could take out Rumlow.

He smirked aiming the gun towards the girls," I guess nobody's getting what they want." Rumlow shot the gun at the girls. Y/N used her body to shield Melanie. Bucky stared in horror as he tried to get to them but Steve's shield covered them from the bullets.

Bucky turned around angrily at Rumlow pulling out the secret gun that was in his waist holster. With no hesitation, Bucky shoots him between the eyes. Rumlow body fell to the ground.

Y/N came from behind Steve's large frame. She walked over to Bucky and pulled him into a hug without crushing Melanie's little body. Bucky rubbed his hand through Y/N hair and kissed Melanie's forehead. They didn't have anything to say, they were just grateful to all be alive.

"I'm so sorry to ruin this moment guys but we need to go. Their supposed to be bringing in reinforcements any second." Steve said placing his shield on his back.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. bring the jet back around." Sam pressed his finger on the com.

--------------------

On the jet, it was quiet but peaceful time for them to rejuvenate. Bucky couldn't sleep so he watched over his girls who were sleeping.

Melanie slept on his chest with his metal arm holding her up so her face could implant into his neck. Y/N was cuddled up with his arm wrapped around her. He kissed their foreheads every other second for his comfort.

"Thank you guys." Bucky said to Sam and Steve who were sitting in the in the front seats of quinjet.

"Just gald you guys are safe." Steve pat his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"Plus we were able to kill two birds with one stone. Bonus but glad we could help."Sam said making Bucky smiled. He looked at his girls, very content with life.

------------

horrible writing.

I wrote this bout a year ago. I don't like it, but i just needed it as a distraction.

stay slutty my friends

#marvel #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes #captain america #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky x poc!reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x black!reader #bucky series #bucky oneshot #bucky x you

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writingbeary · 3 years

Text

Kingdom - Sports Day

Minyoung’s Outfit

Note:

Texts placed inside brackets are Kingdom’s show subtitles

Italicized texts are in English

Texts that are block quoted are interview cuts

────────── ♔ ──────────

Today, the groups participating in Kingdom were told that they will be competing in the groups that they will be collaborating with for the No Limit stage. ATEEZ were confident in their athletic abilities but they also know that the other groups also have members who are athletic, especially BTOB who have Minhyuk who won medals in ISAC.

Minyoung brought out her self-made cheer banners for every group, taking it upon herself to be their cheerleader since she cannot participate in most group games. She wrote individual groups names and the Collab Team names on the banners.

"Our princess has betrayed us." Hongjoong feigned a hurt look over his face noticing the cameras zooming on him when Minyoung could be seen cheering for The-i-9 team when they entered the field.

"I'll cheer for everyone! There's no discrimination here!" Minyoung joked sticking her tongue out to her leader before waving the banner containing SF9's name. "Sepgu hwaiting!"

"You're cheering for everyone today? Not just Chani?" Dawon called out grinning

"Of course, I'll prioritize our Chanhee." clearing her throat before raising her banner up high "Kang Chanhee fighting!" with Chani laughing waving her off.

“Okay then 8 makes 1 team.” Hongjoong jokingly said making Minyoung pout and say “If you do that then I’ll ask the other groups to take me in!”

Stray Kids who were lined up beside them looked over the group laughing. Jisung waving her over “Young-ah, come here and perform <God’s Menu> with us.” as he jokingly did the du-du-du-du with Felix and I.N dancing a bit.

“That won’t happen. I’m keeping her.” Yunho placed an arm around Minyoung’s figure grinning “I happen to like having her around.”

The MCs noticing something happening with both groups called out to them. Wooyoung calling them out grinning “ATEEZ, what are you doing? We’re filming something here. Please focus.”

“We would but our Minyoung-ie is about to be taken away!” San shouted back, the other participants amused at what is happening

Wooyung stood up surprised “What? I leave you guys for a bit and this happens. What happened?”

“They’re kicking me out and Stray Kids is adopting me, thankfully.” Minyoung moved over to Stray Kids fitting right in with her clothes having a hint of pink.

“Oh! Welcome. We gained a new member. We’ll gladly take her Dovey.” Changbin laughed teasing Wooyoung as the latter pointed at their female member “Yah! Park Minyoung!”

Eunkwang joining on the teasing raised his hands and said “We’ll also be glad to take her in. That will bring our average age down a bit.” evoking laughter from everyone.

(VAULT)

Minyoung cheered on everyone waving her banners around as the The-i-9 attempted the vaults. Yunho laughed when he saw the girl near BTOB’s table, tapping on Seonghwa’s shoulder to point it out. “Where is she going?”

“Minyoung-ah, stop invading other people’s tables.” San called out to her as she fired back “They’re not other people! They’re our teammates and we’re one team!” making the rest of Mayfly look at her laughing.

“Alice, come and join us here!” Felix waved her over to which she happily skipped over and hang out with them.

“This kid. Wait where’s Jongho?” Hongjoong looked around and saw Jongho already at Stray Kids’ table too

Yeosang chuckled “Our youngest members are all grown-up. They’re already making friends on their own.” As the rest of the members watch as the two youngest play around with the others.

When it was time for Chani to attempt the vault, Minyoung screamed waving her banner excitedly. “Kang Chanhee, fighting!”

"Minyoung-ssi won't you also cheer for the other participants? You shouldn't play favorites." MC Changmin asked, teasing the younger girl

“Oh. But I’m not close with anyone else.” Minyoung mumbled making the older male laugh.

Minyoung returned back to ATEEZ’ table after a long while sitting down beside Seonghwa who gave her a water bottle. “You should take care of your throat. You’ve been cheering since we started.”

“Ah yes. Thanks mom.” Minyoung giggled while Seonghwa shook his head already used to it

“Waah. THE BOYZ is full of good looking people.” Yunho commented as he watched them all attempt the vault

“ATEEZ is also full of good looking people oppa!” Minyoung countered nodding seriously making the members laugh

“What? We also have good looking members! Don’t think otherwise.” Minyoung continued as she returned her focus on the activity

“What is this? You’re praising us now?” Hongjoong laughed, shaking his head a bit

“I’m just saying the truth.” Minyoung shrugged smiling a bit

“But you told us we looked weird. Remember that?” San fired back grinning

“Ahh. That’s different. I’m the only one that can criticize our members. Other people don’t have that privilege.” Minyoung laughed and puffed her chest out as if proud of it “I can say those things because I do it out of love.” at this the members pretended to gag before laughing

When it was ATEEZ's turn to challenge the vault, Minyoung did light stretches before standing next to the vault. "Omo. Hongjoong-oppa what do we do?" Minyoung shouted making everyone laugh.

"She says that but watch her clear it with ease." Yunho chuckled

"Oh it seems like Athlete Minyoung would attempt next." MC Changmin announced as he saw the girl walk over to the starting line

"I'm assuming she's going to do well as she's a main dancer of ATEEZ." Eunkwang commented

"Alice is scared of heights though." Felix noted making Jisung scoff a bit hearing his remark "But she's competitive. I bet she won't even care until after the fact. She's been doing stunts with ATEEZ but I wonder why she still gets so scared."

"Maybe because when she does stunts for their choreography, she knows how she'll land?"

“Minyoung Challenge!” Minyoung shouted as she ran and made it over the vault easily, surprised at herself. “Omo! How come?” she asked aloud making ATEEZ laugh

“How come you made it over?” San laughed patting her back as 6 of 8 members pass.

As they were watching THE BOYZ challenge San commented on Juyeon’s challenge “Having the hood on was so cool. We should have worn hoods too.”

“Oppa, it would only be cool if you made it over.” Minyoung jabbed at the older male sticking her tongue out playfully, the latter reaching over pretending to flick her forehead.

For their second challenge at 1.8m, Wooyoung, Jongho, and Yunho already succeeded. The ones left were Minyoung and Hongjoong. Minyoung mumbled “I’m scared but I also don’t want our team to place last.”

Yeosang who was beside her laughed gaining the attention of the other members. “If you succeed in this attempt then you already did better than me, Young-ah. Besides, we can trust the three to do it well.”

“I know but I also don’t want to lose to our members.” Minyoung pouted as she walked towards the starting point to attempt. She ran as fast as she could and jumped making it over the vault, letting out a squeal as she flew over.

“Young-ah!” Jongho cheered immediately going over to her.

“See? I told you she would do well.” Jisung laughed raising a thumbs up towards the direction of ATEEZ.

When Hongjoong failed to make it over and hit the vault instead, all of ATEEZ ran towards him with Minyoung going over patting his back before teasing him “Our leader did well. It’s just our heights aren’t made for this kind of games.”

“You made it over though.” Yunho noted laughing

“Seriously this kid.” Hongjoong laughed poking her side as they all went back to their tent.

“Are you okay?” LeeKnow asked Hongjoong seeing as how he hit the vault

“The 10cm is a huge difference.” Hongjoong informed them as they’ll go next. Felix letting out a worried sigh.

“Felix you can do it! I even made it.” Minyoung cheered on her friend, San laughing making the girl look at him “If you say it like that then what happens to the people who failed to make it over.”

Minyoung gasped, defending herself quickly in a panic “Ah. I didn’t mean that. I just thought since Felix is more athletic that I am, he has a higher chance to make it over.”

The remaining members of ATEEZ all succeeded the 1.9m and moved on to the next level. Everyone was shocked when Minyoung cleared the 2m height, even she couldn’t believe she made it past it that when she landed she was wide-eyed, looking back towards the vault. ATEEZ let out a cheer in surprise as Wooyoung helped Minyoung out of the mat patting her back.

“You made it! Wah. Our Minyoung found her talent.” Yunho laughed sending a thumbs up towards her direction.

“Oppa what happened? Omo.” Minyoung jumped around excited that she made it over then gasped realizing that she has to try an even higher level.

When she attempted for the 2.2m, she wasn’t able to go over and instead was hanging on almost on top of the vault with half of her body on it. Realizing how high up she is, she continued to cling on the vault tightly “I’m scared! This is so high! Oppa help me.” she exclaimed making everyone laugh at how cute she’s being, while Wooyoung and Yunho made their way to help the girl down. The rest of the surviving Mayfly members also went over to steady the vault for the girl to come down.

“Just let go and jump down.” Wooyoung instructed her but she shook her head “Let go. I’ll catch you if needed.” Hearing this, Minyoung let go and true to his word, Wooyoung helped her up quickly patting her back. “You did great.”

As the three of them went back to their tent, Minyoung was holding unto Yunho as she limped slightly.

“Why? Why? What happened? Did you injure yourself?” Seonghwa immediately went over and helped the girl to sit down, worriedly checking her any injuries.

“I think I hit my knee on the vault during that last attempt.” Minyoung sighed as she shook her head “It doesn’t hurt that much but I think I won’t be able to join the other events.”

“Are you sure? You also hurt it last filming.” Jongho asked handing the girl a towel to wipe herself with

“Mhm! I don’t think I really hurt it. It’s just like stubbing your toe, just temporary.” Minyoung smiled laughing a bit. “I’m serious! If you don’t believe me then I’ll get it checked tomorrow.”

“I think that’s for the best. It’s better to be safe since you did injure it before and it might get serious if not treated properly.” Yeosang noted patting the girl’s head

"Wooyoung-oppa fighting!" Minyoung cheered as Wooyoung became the last representative for ATEEZ however, he also failed to make it over the vault for 2.30m.

(Visual Ranking Voting)

"Omo. I knew it. I told you that there’s a catch when they took our photos this morning. Jongho-yah, I'm ruined." Minyoung said to the male beside her, covering her face in regret. "If I knew this was going to happen then I'd have put in more effort in how I look today."

"Yah. If you're going to say that then what about us?" Hongjoong laughed

"Have you seen everyone else? There's no way we're winning this. That's a miracle if it happens." Wooyoung motioned to the other photos posted on the board.

"Who should I vote for?" Minyoung looked through all the photos before turning to the staff "Can I please have these photos? I'll keep them as a souvenir. Maybe I'll have everyone sign them too." evoking laughter from the staff and a cheer from the girl when they said they’ll ask if she can have it after.

"I'm voting for Minhyuk-sunbaenim. As much as I want to vote for our team...lying is bad and voting should always be objective. Sorry our ATEEZ members. I love you all." Minyoung smiled before slipping in her ballot inside the box.

As the rest of the participants voted, some even voting for themselves citing that one should learn to love yourself first, some of them voting for Minyoung.

Stray Kids Jisung: I’m not saying this because I’m her friend but just judging by the photos, she looks good today.

SF9 Jaeyoon: I’m voting for Minyoung-ssi. Her photo stands out with her posing cutely.

THE BOYZ Kevin: She’s adorable and she cheers on every team sincerely. She even showed off her charms today.

THE BOYZ Hyunjae: Throughout their performances, it’s like having an on-off switch. She’s like a kid off-stage but as soon as they start their performances her charisma explodes that why I vote for her.

ATEEZ Yunho: Do I really need a reason? Our member’s pretty. *laughs*

When the results were announced, Minyoung couldn’t believe her ears when she heard her name called out together with Felix for the 2nd place both of them getting 5 votes each. She looked around pointing to herself confused.

“Me? Why?” Minyoung looked to her group members who were cheering for her.

“Minyoung-ah! You did it! ATEEZ present!” Wooyoung shouted making the others groups laugh

Yunho grinned going over to the girl patting her back and ushering her to go to the center.

“Did our members vote for me? Is this a love your own situation?” Minyoung asked outloud making the MCs laugh.

Yunhyeong looked at the cue sheet to see who voted for her before speaking into the microphone “There’s one ATEEZ member who voted for you.”

Yunho proudly raised his hand “I did! Minyoung-ah, be confident!”

“Yunho-oppa! This is why I like you.” Minyoung laughed before shooting hearts at him exageratting every movement.

Compliments calling her cute were heard in every group while Seonghwa covered his face embarassed for both his members.

“Mom! I’m on TV!” Minyoung posed cutely for the camera before laughing and facing the participants “I don’t know who voted for me but thank you. I’ll do my best to show more of my charms in the future as well.”

“Felix~ We’re twins from now on!” Minyoung declared to her friend making him laugh as they pose for the photo sharing the wreath.

“Aussie!” Chan cheered for the two clapping for them

As soon as she got back to her group, Minyoung looked at Seonghwa and asked jokingly “Does this mean you’re also 2nd place? I mean Atiny says we look alike.”

“Oh. That’s right.” Hongjoong who heard her agreed laughing as Seonghwa just blushed shaking his head.

Minyoung cheered loudly when Minhyuk got the 1st place for the visual ranking, surprising the other groups. “I voted for Minhyuk-sunbaenim.” ATEEZ just laughed shaking their heads used to Minyoung’s fan girl mode.

(Catch the Tail)

As the Mayfly team strategized who was going to play in the second event, Minyoung let out a giggle gaining the attention of their team.

“Why? Is something funny?” Eunkwang asked chuckling when the girl hid behind Yunho’s back suddenly conscious of everyone

“Ah. Nothing..it’s just we’re planning this seriously that it felt like this actually the competition and not the rounds.” Minyoung said her voice going softer as she talks

“What’s happening? You’re not like this Mintokki.” San laughed poking her side as the girl slapped his arm lightly, still hiding behind Yunho as she clutched on to his shirt

“Is Minyoung-ssi normally this shy?” Minhyuk asked looking at the girl

“No. Not at all. She’s far from shy.” Yunho answered quickly making everyone laugh.

“This is such a twist. I never knew Minyoung could also feel shy.” Jisung teased making the girl hide herself more pouting.

(Relay Race)

“ATEEZ fighting! I believe in you!” Minyoung shouted on top of her lungs as the runners take their place. The race went by quickly and turned to the last lap where Wooyoung ran as fast as he could overtaking everyone.

Both San and Minyoung were jumping in their tent holding ATEEZ’ flag up as they cheered for Wooyoung. “Wooyoung run!” “Oppa you can do it! I won’t call your hair, pudding anymore if you win!”

"I never knew Wooyoung was that athletic!" Changbin exclaimed as Wooyoung overtook Sangyeon and won first place in the relay.

"Jongho's still the most athletic out of everyone but Wooyoung-oppa is also up there in terms of athleticism." Minyoung said as if giving insider information.

"Don't let her fool you! If she weren't injured right now, she'll probably be the one running. Minyoungie is pretty competitive." San commented making the MCs laugh.

Minyoung pouted "I wanted to try too. Ahh why did I have to get injured. If I could've joined, I'm determined to at least be better than Hongjoong-oppa." at the mention of his name, Hongjoong's mouth dropped looking betrayed. "Yah!" the girl just laughing throwing a heart sign on her head towards her leader

[Minyoung / 22 / Youngest on Top(?)]

(Outtake)

“Good work today everyone” everyone clapped and bowed towards one another after the day’s activities.

Minyoung suddenly gasped remembering something. “Ah! I was given these by the staff.” She took out the polaroids from the voting before while the rest of the groups were surprised.

“Ah so that’s why the staff asked if it was okay for us if the polaroid were given..” Sangyeon laughed finally piecing together the information

“No! Minyoung-ah, let’s just take another photo. I’m not proud of how I look there.” Inseong shouted jokingly evoking laughter from everyone.

“Really? Then I’ll take you up on that!” Minyoung giggled holding her pinky up as if sealing a promise.

“Just be honest and say you want photos with Jaeyoon-sunbaenim and Minhyuk-sunbaenim.” Wooyoung started while Minyoung quickly slapped his arm, eyes-wide “Oppa!”

“Don’t forget Zuho-sunbaenim and Donghyuk-sunbaenim.” San grinned as the girl crouched down embarrassed. The males who were mentioned all looked surprised with some covering their faces feeling shy. Inseong elbowing Jaeyoon laughing knowing the male voted for her for the visual ranking.

“Ahh. Is that your type Minyoung-ssi?” MC Changming asked jokingly, the girl waving her arms around denying the allegations

“I think I see a pattern. I see a pattern.” Eunkwang laughed joining on the teasing. Minyoung just wanted to dig herself a hole and hide there as Jongho patted her back laughing.

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ATEEZ Minyoung Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. Any portrayal of real people is a combination based on what we could see on cameras and imagination of the author. This is purely fan fiction written for entertainment. Thank you for understanding.

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Writing Beary Corner

Truth be told, Kingdom’s episode for the Sports Day bored me a bit lol It dragged on for a long time during the vault but hey at least the groups interacted a bit more this time. So as long as they had their fun then that’s great!

I also have a question and request for the people reading this. Send me questions anon or off-anon for Minyoung! something like interview questions or fan questions haha I’m planning to use them for a future post. spoiler but meh lol

-Mimi

#kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez 9th member #ateez #ateez au #ateez oc #kpop oc #kpop au #park minyoung #ateez minyoung #minyoung masterlist #writing beary #kpop imagines

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