#OKAY DONE WITH THE EXAM TALK NOW VACATIONS EVERYONE

[all-yn-oween]

this is a very old drawing, but i’m on my way to vacations and just wanted to post, to show that im still alive XD

Hope you all survived your exams!!! (I didn’t have the chance to reblog everything from mutuals but i will eventually hdjdns) As for me, I’m happy to tell you that I graduated my high school!!! :D

Here have a drawing of Barbara and John to celebrate!! 🥳

[agi-ppangx]

💭summer romance (100 followers special)

chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | jisung | felix | seungmin | jeongin

“oh my god, i’m so sorry!” you panicked as soon as you spilled your soda on a random guy in front of you. he only smiled at you, his soft gaze not leaving you for a moment. 

you decided to go on vacation with your friends to clear your mind and relax before another year of college. the exams had taken a toll on you, making you a walking ball of stress and after they were finally done you felt as if a huge weight was taken from your chest. you’d worked hard and you deserved some peace of mind now, basking in the presence of the ocean and your friends. 

but to be honest, since everyone brought their significant other with them except you, after a few days you kind of started feeling excluded from the group, not exactly knowing what to do with yourself. everyone was going on dates or romantic walks along the shore and then there were you - sleeping until midday and visiting local shops with handmade goods. even though you were happy for your friends, you were also kind of jealous, but who wouldn’t be in your situation? that’s why you tried to enjoy your vacation nonetheless and not think about your chronic loneliness. 

“shit, i feel so bad, i’m really sorry. is there anything i can do for you? to compensate for the t-shirt,” you babbled, looking as his white shirt was now stained with your grape soda. you took a moment to examine his features - his blonde hair was slightly combed back and his freckled cheeks were tinted with pink. he looked as if he was heading to the hotel pool. “it’s okay, some detergent should cope with this stain just fine,” he grinned, running his hand through his hair. you still tried to figure out how to apologise to him. “wait, how about we go to the bar later?” he frowned, quite lost in your sudden question. “as an apology of course. my treat,” you added and his features softened. “sure, why not?” “really? oh, that’s wonderful! let’s meet up at the hotel reception at 8, okay?” he nodded at your words, clearly amused by your slightly chaotic energy, but he didn’t mind at all. “oh, i’m yn by the way,” you said after a moment of silence, smiling awkwardly. “i’m felix.” 

and that’s how you ended up with felix in a local bar, sipping your drinks and talking about your lives. It amazed you, how easily it was for you to talk to him. you found out he has two sisters and he used to live in sydney, just like you. he asked you about your major at uni and your plans for the future. and you felt good throughout the whole evening - you two even danced a little to the music playing through the speakers. felix and you laughed a lot and even though you thought your meeting would be shorter since you didn’t know each other, you felt so comfortable with him, his presence was relaxing in its own way. you two were sitting really close to each other, your head was resting on his shoulder and even though it was getting close to midnight, you didn’t want to leave his side, feeling safe with him. you missed the moment when you started to get sleepy thanks to the alcohol you’d drunk. 

you didn’t remember the rest of the evening, including getting to the hotel and falling asleep in felix’ bed. you woke up with a slight hangover, felix was already up, sitting in a hammock on his balcony. you immediately got up and approached him panicked. “hi- whoa, you okay?” he asked when he saw your worried face. “did… did anything happen?” you whispered. would you mind? no, but at least you wanted to be aware if something happened. felix giggled at that. “everything is fine, i slept here,” he pointed at the hammock. you exhaled loudly, the weight from your chest gone. “i’m sorry, i know i should’ve taken you to your room but you insisted you wanted to be with me and you nearly cried and-” “please, stop, it’s embarrassing,” you interrupted him, hiding your face in your hands. he only laughed at that and took your hand in his. felix guided you to sit next to him in the hammock and you compiled, immediately sinking into his open arms. he silently started running his fingers through your hair and you suddenly thought that your life could be like this forever. maybe with him by your side. “hey, you wanna go for a walk? I heard the views are even better outside the town,” felix suggested after a while and you agreed without hesitation. 

that’s how your vacation went, with felix by your side you explored the island, shared ice cream at 5 in the morning at the beach and simply basked in each other’s company. the whole two weeks were filled with hugs, soft, innocent touches and hushed conversations at night. “i feel like i’ve known you my whole life,” you confessed on your last evening with felix, when you decided to head downtown for some kind of festival. there were plenty of sellers with different goods, from jewellery to delicious homemade buns with honey. you were wandering slowly through the streets, hand in hand, and even though you should be relishing in felix’ presence you were haunted by the thought of leaving the island instead. felix knew you were going home the next day, but he didn’t want to talk or even think about it, deciding to celebrate the past two weeks with you instead. “look, they sell those jelly things. you want some?” felix snapped you out of your reverie. you looked at him, confused at first, but then you remembered you wanted to try the local snack from the island and you nodded, smiling faintly. 

“do you not like them?” felix asked you some time later. you were sitting on a bench, the sound of waves hitting the shore in the background. you let out a small “hmm?”, still chewing on the jelly. “i'm just sad that i’m leaving you tomorrow,” you mumbled and felix sighed at that. “maybe i should just stuff you in my suitcase and take you home with me…” felix chuckled at that, hugging you. “i’d like that.” you melted into his arms with a miserable expression and didn’t say anything more. “hey, i have an idea, come on,” felix suddenly broke the silence between you and took your hand in his. he led you to one of the stalls with jewellery you had passed before. he pointed to two rings with little suns engraved in them. “do you like them?” he asked you and you nodded slightly. without hesitation felix bought the rings and led you to the same bench you had left minutes ago. you sat and waited for him to do the same so you could hug him again, but instead he kneeled in front of you with one of the rings in his hand. before he said anything he giggled slightly at your frightened expression, but then he spoke. “let it be our promise, to not forget each other. what do you say, angel?” you felt the tears fill your eyes and you immediately fell into his arms, ugly sobs leaving your body. you were nodding frantically, i love you's leaving your mouth over and over. after some time you moved away from him a bit and observed as felix put the ring on your finger. then you took the second one from him and did the same thing, giggling. felix placed a soft kiss on your forehead and gently cradled your face in his hands, as if you were the most delicate and precious thing in the world. god, you were going to miss him.

feedback and reblogs highly appreciated🫶🏽

[lovememadly92]

The Secret Admirer

Hello everyone!!! I am the secret gifter for @stfrancisprayer and I had so much fun writing this, especially since the 1980s is my favorite era, I decided to a modern take on Band of Brothers. Of course, no offense to the real-life veterans, this is only actor portrayal. I also created a playlist to go along with it. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy!!!!!

Playlist:

May 18th, 1989- UCLA Campus, Los Angeles, CA

I listen to the Robert Palmer tape on my Walkman as I walk to my last class of the year. Thank goodness that we are done with our undergraduate studies. Now to enjoy summer with my friends and hopefully go on vacation. Well, I am just exaggerating a bit, I must find a job to pay for my schooling this coming Fall. I decided to take upon doing my master’s to be a history professor, besides I like talking anyway.

She's a craze you'd endorse

She's a powerful force

You're obliged to conform

When there's no other course

She used to look good to me

But now I find her

Simply irresistible

When I walk into my class, I turn off my Walkman and look to where I sit, I see a letter set on the desk and I smile to myself. I have been getting these letters for the whole year and I have been trying to figure out who has been sending me these letters. Rosie sits behind me and when she sees me, she perks up and smiles.

“I see you got another letter, asshole,” she chuckled, and I took my seat in front of her. “Who would admire your goofy ass?”

I chuckled to myself. “Honey, they do not call me George Luz for nothing. I got my charms, my looks. I am as handsome as Patrick Swayze himself, except for the dancing part of course.”

She rolled her eyes and was writing some notes on her binder. “Oh George, keep fucking dreaming you will be Patrick Swayze. The best I can give you is Tom Cruise and I rarely like the guy.”

Ouch, that kind of hurt.

“Anyways,” she leaned to look over my shoulder. “Are you going to open the letter or what? I want to know what it says.”

“Nope, you are going to keep writing your notes and leave me alone now. Since I am not good enough to be Patrick Swayze,” I stuck my tongue out and she flipped me off before I turned around and opened the envelope.

God if I could only figure out who fucking wrote it. Better yet typed it on a computer or typewriter. I miss how things were romantic back in the day, particularly how my grandfather would write love letters to my grandmother when he was shipped off to Europe during World War II. But I guess I am just an old soul.

I opened the letter and smiled.

My Dearest George:

I hope first that you had a wonderful year, with your family and your friends. There is not a day where I don’t think about you, wanting to feel your lips on my hot skin.. Ever since I saw you during a wrestling match back in high school, I knew that I wanted you to be mine forever. But I couldn’t find the courage to talk to you because you were always surrounded by these beautiful girls, vying for your attention. But this is the year that I have decided that I am not going to be a coward anymore. I am going to reveal myself to you at Rosie’s party this weekend around midnight. I really hope that you do not get scared or run away, but if it comes down to that, then I will accept my defeat and walk away. Sweet George, love of my life. I will be seeing you soon.

Love Always,

Your Secret Admirer.

I smile to myself and close the letter before the professor walks in. I feel a sensation and excitement, finally a year of torment of trying to figure out who it is that has been writing me these letters. However, I turn around to look at Rosie and she smiles at me while I smile at her back.

But why does it feel that I am cheating on her?

God George get out of your head, she will never pay attention to you, she is too beautiful for you.

“Okay class, let’s get ready for our exam today.”

May 20th, 1989-Beverly Hills, CA

Mother will never understand why you had to leave

But the answers you seek will never be found at home

The love that you need will never be found at home

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away

I stand against the wall, drinking my beer as I watch Rosie sway her body along to the music with her other friend Karina. I smiled to myself because Rosie was always like that, dancing like no one was watching. Before her big transformation, she was always a quiet gal, always her nose in the books. She still has her nose in the books and volunteers at hospitals, the only thing is that she had a big transformation.

She was always beautiful though and sweet…

“Hey George, are you going to find your secret admirer?” Frank asked and I turned to look at him. Shit, I had forgotten about that, I was too entranced with the beauty dancing in front of me with her bustier crop top and her jeans, hugging her waist. Her beautiful, big brown curly hair. God those beautiful, brown eyes…

“George!”

I shook my head and took a sip of my beer. “No, yeah, I am going to go find her, it’s not midnight yet. I just, I don’t know, I feel that I am cheating on Rosie for some odd reason. You know I always had a thing for her. Still do.” Then I looked up and I saw that she had stopped dancing with Karina, and she was talking to the pretty, rich boy, Lewis.

God, I dislike him in more ways than one. He would always make fun of her and trip her when she would carry her lunch in the cafeteria. I was a popular boy myself, but my parents taught me better than being an asshole.

“Maybe it’s for the best you know,” Frank pointed out and then I sighed. “They are meant for each other, they are rich, she will never pay attention to us guys. Lieb has luck on his side, he managed to get Karina as his girlfriend.”

I watched Lieb and Karina smile and giggle at one another before heading upstairs to a bedroom and disappearing. Knowing that damn smile Lieb carries, they are not coming back down for the rest of the night. At least one of us is lucky.

Lewis then leaned into whisper in her ear and then she pulled away and threw the drink in his face. “You fucking asshole, I am not one of your damn whores for you to speak to me like that and in my house!!!!” She was about to walk away, and he pulled her close to him, shaking her like she was a rag doll.

I threw my beer on the floor and rushed to them, grabbing him by the collar and punching him in the face, knocking him down on the floor.  “Don’t you ever touch her again, you hear me, pretty boy?” I was about to grab him but then I felt soft hands pull me aside and then looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Calm down George it’s okay,” she whispered, and everyone was looking at us. “Come, let’s go upstairs and clean your knuckles yeah?”

I was breathing hard and then nodded. I followed her upstairs and into the bathroom, where she sat me on the toilet. Then she took out hydrogen peroxide and some gauze pads to clean up my knuckles. Smiling, I feel her dabbing the cuts on my knuckles and watch her do her work. She is going to follow in her parents’ footsteps in being a doctor.

“You did not have to defend me, George,” she whispered softly as the music blared a bit in the background. “I could have kicked his ass too.”

“I owe you one, for not defending you when I had the chance back in high school,” I said softly and then looked at me. “I would always see from afar and never do anything about it, even though my parents taught me better.”

She sighed and then bandaged up my knuckles. “It’s okay George, you don’t have to apologize, you are not the one that did the tripping or the horrible pranks. Besides, no one takes him seriously.” I study her face and count every freckle she had dusted on her cheeks. She looks so beautiful.

“So how is the search for your secret admirer?” she asked and crossed her arms.

Oh. That.

“Um, nothing,” he said softly. “I am going to meet her tonight, let’s see how this goes. I am going to meet her in the backyard, by the pool if that is, okay?”

“Sure, no problem, just don’t do anything weird, please? I want that image out of my head when I found you screwing that airhead,” she chuckled and shook her head.

God I was so embarrassed, I was in mid action when Rosie walked in on me in my room. I felt sad when she caught me, as if I cheated on her. When I found out she wasn’t pissed about, it made me sad a bit.

“I promise, pinky promise,” I smiled softly and hooked my fingers up with hers. We then headed down back to the party, and I asked her to dance with me.

I am a man who will fight for your honor

I'll be the hero you're dreaming of

We'll live forever

Knowing together

That we did it all for the glory of love

We started swaying around the dance floor and gently she laid her head on my chest and chuckled. “You know what, I was always dreaming that I would get my dance at prom, but all I did was sit on the bleachers. Thank you for at least giving me the Cinderella moment that I always wanted.”

I smiled at her. “I may not be Patrick Swayze, but I can dance at least a little.”

“You dance better than Swayze,” she said quickly, and I smiled to myself, and we kept swaying across the dance floor until the song was over. She looked at me with her beautiful eyes, and I could see adoration, and dare I say love.

Then again that could be my love riddled brain. “Well, its midnight. I am going to go and meet her and see what happens. Wish me luck.”

She nodded and let me go. “I wish you the best of luck George. I hope that you find what you are looking for. I will be seeing you later.” I nodded and headed outside to the pool area and took out a cigarette, waiting for her to come by. All I can hear is the crickets chirping and then I hear Lieb and Karina going at it upstairs.

“God yes baby!!!!”

“You like that huh?”

“God yes!”

I chuckled and shook my head. Jesus, those two can go at it all fucking night and yet not get tired because of it. Then again, I can tell that they love each other very much, just by the way they talk, the way they interact. God, I wish I did have that with Rosie. But whoever is my secret admirer, I will give her a chance at my love.

Blowing the smoke in the air, I check my watch and it has been ten minutes and she hasn’t shown up yet. Maybe it’s a prank from fucking Frank, or maybe Muck did it, they have been teasing me about my secret admirer ever since I ever got the first letter. God, if they pranked about this shit, I am going to kick their ass so hard, they will identify them by their damn teeth.

As I was about to give up, I heard soft footsteps walking behind me and tapping on my shoulder.

I turn around to smile at the person and when I see who is in front of me, my smile drops and I feel my body tremble, and my ears turn hot. From anger.

“You?!”

Rosie’s POV

Un señuelo

Hay algo oculto en cada sensación

Ella parece sospechar

Parece descubrir

En mi debilidad

Los vestigios de una hoguera

When I walk outside and tap on his shoulder, finally revealing myself after a year of writing to him, all I see is anger, disappointment. Karina even warned me that he was going to be pissed, not the fact that I am his secret admirer, but more the fact that I fucking lied to him about my feelings for a long time.

“You are my secret admirer?!”

Tears in my eyes, I nodded, and I tried to touch him, but he backed away, starting to pace back and forth. “You got to be fucking kidding me Rosie Mendoza, after a year and yet you did not have the balls to tell me that it was you?”

“I know and I am sorry,” I cried and tried to grab his hand, but he backed away from me. “I just couldn’t tell you because I was afraid, afraid of rejection. I was always rejected in high school, made fun of. You would see how Lewis would trip me, play fucking pranks on me. I honestly thought you were the same, that is, until I officially met you in our first year at college. I never seen anyone so nice to me, so gentle like you.”

He looked away from me and I blinked at my tears. “George, I am sorry I fucking lied to you okay but that does not take the way the fact that I am in love with you.”

Slowly, he turned around, and he also had tears in his eyes. “I have been in love with you since we were little kids, and when I saw you back in high school, seeing the grown man you have become, that was it for me. I thought also transforming from an ugly duckling to a swan would get your attention.”

A sarcastic chuckle escaped his lips and then wiped his tears. “That fucking never mattered to me Rosie!!! That never did, I never cared if you were ugly or pretty. What one falls in love with is this!” He patted his chest. “Like how I am right now!!!! Madly in love with you!!!!!”

I stood quietly and then more tears started streaming down my cheeks. “You think I gave a fuck if you were hot or not? All I cared about was what was in the heart, nothing more. I thought you were sweet, caring, never once did I care if you looked like a geek or a nerd. That is one of the things I love about you! You are a smart ass, telling people how it is. But I guess I was fucking wrong, you are nothing but a fake, like to play with people’s feelings. Here I was, thinking that I was cheating on you.”

I looked down and started sobbing. “You know what, I am done, I am done with this, I am done with you. Never fucking contact, me again. You hear me? You and I are fucking done, for good.”

Nodding, he walks right past me and leaves me standing there, alone by the pool. I lost him for good, and I deserve it. I wanted this to be on good terms, since I am leaving for Columbia University for medical school.

“What happened?”

I turned around and looked at Karina who looked disheveled. “You were right, and now he does not want to do anything with me anymore. That is fine, I guess. I will leave with no attachment, so I guess that is a plus.”

Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight

It must have been something you said

I just died in your arms tonight

July 21st, 1989

It has been over a month since we had graduated and yet, he hasn’t spoken at least two words to me, and when I would walk into a room, he would leave immediately. I know what I did was wrong, and I accept it.

You're the object of my desire

Baby, ignite my fire

Object of my desire

Hey, you really turn me on

I look around the room, filled with posters of all the actors I liked, like Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Tommy Howell, Ralph Macchio and Billy Zabka. I smiled to myself, and the room that saw me grow up, that saw me cry. I am going to miss my family, my friends, and everyone around me.

“Amor.” I turned around and looked at my mother. “Karina and Joe are waiting downstairs for you; they want to take you out on your last night here before you leave. We were going to take you out to dinner to your favorite Italian restaurant, but I am guessing you want to spend time with your friends before you leave.”

I nodded. “Of course, just give me a few minutes to get ready and I will head right down.”

She closed the door behind her, and I sighed. God I am going to miss everyone and everything here. I have been to New York, and everything is so different from here. Maybe that is what I need, something different.

I put on my white and pink LA Gear sneakers and headed downstairs. “There she is!!! Future doctor in the house. Now what does the lady want to do now that she is leaving the best city in the world?”

I tapped my chin, feigning confusion and I smiled. “Please take me to In N Out, there is no other good burger and I want to go to the beach.” Staying quiet for a moment, I looked at Karina and she shook her head. “He is not budging, Lieb tried talking to him, Frank did too, even Muck and Faye tried but he is so stubborn.”

A sudden pain in my chest hits me but he is stubborn, he is not going to budge.

“That is fine,” I said softly and wiped my tears. “Let’s go enjoy our last night together.”

And that is what we did. We picked up burgers, went to the beach, and blasted music in the boombox. Frank was there, along with Muck, Faye, Penkala, even Toye decided to make an appearance. But no sign of George.

Dusk turned into night, and we had the fire pit going on while the music kept playing on the boom box. Slowly, everyone started to leave, and it was just Karina, Joe, and myself, sipping beers watching the waves crash onto the shore.

“I think it’s time to head out you guys,” I said softly and yawned. “I have an early flight tomorrow and I must get the penthouse ready before orientation begins. If you guys do not mind.”

Karina had tears in her eyes and then gave me the biggest of hugs. “I am going to miss you so much bitch. But I know we will meet again. You go out there and be the best of doctors.” Tears formed in my eyes and looked at her.

“You will be something too, you will see, won’t she Joe?”

“Hell yeah, I will make sure of it.”

We hugged again and cried until we couldn’t anymore.

Hours later

As Lieb drove me home, I looked at the moon and smiled softly. One of my favorite activities that I would love doing with George was sitting on his roof and looking at the moon, talking about its shape and color. We would spend hours and hours, until one of his neighbors would be a narc and call the cops on us.

God I am going to miss him so much.

“Okay here we are,” Joe stopped the car and then Karina got out of the car and gave me a hug. “I will see you off later.”

I nodded and then I backed away as she got into the car. She waved and I waved too before Joe drove off into the night. Walking in my driveway, I reach the front door and open it with my spare key my parents gave me.

When I walk in, I find them sitting on the couch and watching Unsolved Mysteries on NBC. I tried watching it with them a couple of times, but their scenarios and the music always haunted me in my sleep.

“Hey amor, had fun?” I closed the door behind me and smiled. “Yeah, sure did.”

They noticed I was quiet and didn’t want to push it any further. “Want to watch Unsolved Mysteries with us? One more try for your old man before you are stuck in the books all year?”

I sighed and looked upstairs then looked at my father’s pouting face. “Okay, fine, I will watch it with you guys. But if I get nightmares, it’s your fault.”

That night, I stayed up until about four in the morning and did not even bother to sleep since I was leaving early in the morning. I lay in my bed and wondered sadly if I would ever see George again. I really should have been honest about my feelings for him, especially knowing now he felt about me. But me, being a scared little girl, prevented me from doing that. I guess I was the one who judged people for who they were.

The morning came as fast as the night went and I had to get ready. By the time I reached my porch, I had the whole gang, except for George, waiting to say goodbye. I hugged each one of them, telling them that they could come and visit whenever they felt like it.

Once I arrived at the airport, I waited with my dad and my mom until they called my flight. I sighed softly and stood up along with them, then gave them the biggest of hugs. “I will miss you guys very much. Please when you can, come visit me, I get lonely.”

They both chuckled and they kissed me on each side of my face. “Of course, we are going to spend Thanksgiving over there and Christmas, there is no way you can run away from us. Plus, we can watch Unsolved Mysteries together.”

I snort and then let them go. “Of course we will it’s a date.” I sighed again but this time, I had tears forming in my eyes. “I will be okay mom, dad. Don’t worry, I will be fine. I will call you as soon as I get over there. Before they have me in the books and not enough time to breath at all.”

My mother wept silently, and my father had tears forming in his eyes, which was rare, if he cried, he never really showed it. The only time I have heard him cry was when he lost a young man due to AIDS complications; the young man died holding my dad’s hand since he had no one else. It’s one of the many reasons I want to be a doctor, the compassion and the willingness to fight for others.

They let me go and I smiled softly before heading to the terminal. I looked back at them one more time and waved at them before handing over my ticket. I walk towards the entrance of the private plane, and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. But I managed to put them at bay when the stewardess led me to my seat.

“Here you are ma’am.”

“Thank you so much.”

When I am about to sit down, I notice my Walkman sitting on my chair with a note on it. Me the curious being, pick up and open the letter.

Can’t forget this Rosie, oh and look to your right.

I look to my right, and I see George, smiling, walking straight towards me. I nearly dropped my Walkman to the floor. He stood right in front of me, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days and dare I say, his eyes red.

And I know it wasn’t from the weed he would smoke.

My body, my whole being started shaking when I saw him right in front of me. “You were about to leave without saying goodbye, I thought we were better than that Rosie.”

“I know but you said you did not want to see me again, that we were done being friends,” I cried softly, and tears fell down my cheeks. “I know I should have said something about my feelings, but I was scared. I am sorry that I judged you.”

He smiled softly and then wiped my tears with his thumb. “Don’t be sorry, ever. I should have said something too.” George would look down then at me. “I guess you are really leaving huh?”

I nodded. “Orientation starts next month, and I need to prepare for the long hours.” I smile sadly and bite my lip for a moment. “Thank you for coming to say goodbye.”

A playful scowl formed on his face.

“I am not saying goodbye, I am coming with you.”

The Walkman hit the floor as soon as he said that.

“What do you mean you are coming with me?” I asked in disbelief but there was a hint of happiness in my voice.

“I got accepted into NYU to continue my studies to be a history professor. It was either stay home and continue at UCLA or NYU, I chose NYU to be with you.”

But how did he know I got accepted into Columbia? Then a smile crept onto my face, and I realized it was Karina the one who told him. I had known for months that I got accepted into Columbia but couldn’t bring myself to tell George. I saw them one time talking while I was studying in the library.

“But what about your family?” I asked softly.

He gently wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He would look at my lips and then into my eyes. “I guess they understand that when you love something, you got to fight for it and that is what I am doing.”

Before I could respond, he leaned his face closer to mine and captured my lips fully with his. It didn’t take long before my lips started to move gently along with his. The way his lips felt on mine, the way his hands held my waist gently, I felt a warm sensation pooling at the pit of my stomach. My heart warms with joy.

He let go of me and leaned his head against mine, smiling softly.

“I love you Rosie, always have and I always will.”

I smiled softly and brushed some of his hair off his head. “And I love you too George.”

We chuckled softly and then kissed again, but this time more passionate, with want. However, it did not last that long because we had to sit down and prepare ourselves for takeoff. We both laughed as we took our seats and put on our seatbelts.

“What about your living arrangements? Who paid for your ticket to come her…wait, were my mom and dad in on it?”

He nodded and I shook my head, smiling.

“As for living arrangements, I have been looking for some apartments and…”

I placed my finger on his lips and smiled. “No, you are staying with me and that is final.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said softly and wrapped an around my shoulder and then gently picked up my Walkman. “I made you a tape, and your parents gave me your Walkman, to surprise you. Here you are, almost leaving without me.”

I rolled my eyes playfully as the plane took off.

Whatever waited for us in New York, I was ready for it, whether it was good or bad.

All I knew, it was going to be the adventure of a lifetime.

What happened to them after this:

Both got married in 1991 and had three children, all two girls, one boy!!! George became a professor, and our Rosie became a world class surgeon just like mom and dad. They now have three grandchildren in the present time.

Songs used in story:

Simply Irresistible- Robert Palmer'

Smalltown Boy- Bronski Beat

Glory of Love- Peter Cetera

Corazon Delator- Soda Stereo

I Just Died In Your Arms- Cutting Crew

Object of My Desire- StarPoint

*Only two songs used in the story are in the playlist. The playlist is more of what represents their relationship. Hope you all enjoyed this story, thank you so much for reading!!!!! :)

[shiningwonderland]

Otoya Ittoki (Repeat)

Translator: Mae (Twitter: itoshikimaegirl)

Proofreader: Raz (Twitter: agnadance)

Editor: Terry (Twitter: turtlemudge)

QA: Rei (Twitter: wolfe_raine)

September — Suddenly, Melancholia

Our delightful summer vacation has come to an end and the second semester has begun.

Today, instead of following the usual class schedule, half the day will be dedicated to physical exams.

Tomochika Shibuya: Haaa… finally finished.

Haruka Nanami: Good morning, Tomo-chan. Huh? I thought everyone was supposed to show up for the physical exam in their swimsuits…

Tomochika Shibuya: Oh, well, I’m a member of the health committee. I finished everything in advance and got changed. I didn’t want to have to take measurements in my swimsuit.

Haruka Nanami: I see, so that’s why you were up early this morning, huh?

Tomochika Shibuya: Mmhmm.

Natsuki Shinomiya: Good morning. Nice weather we’re having today, isn't it?

Masato Hijirikawa: …

Haruka Nanami: Good morning.

Masato Hijirikawa: … Morning.

Tomochika Shibuya: Mornin’! Ah, Masayan, your face is kinda red, something wrong?

Masato Hijirikawa: … Is it? No, I don’t think it is…

Natsuki Shinomiya: Come to think of it, you’ve been looking down ever since we left the room. Are you feeling sick?

Haruka Nanami: … Oh no! You should see a doctor right away!

Masato Hijirikawa: No, I am perfectly healthy. Besides, physical exams are today. There’s no need for me to see a doctor.

Haruka Nanami: In that case, I guess it’s fine…

Hijirikawa-sama hasn’t made eye contact with me ever since he arrived. I wonder if I’ve done something to offend him.

Otoya Ittoki: Mornin’! Haruka! Cute swimsuit. … Huh? Tomochika’s in her uniform.

Tomochika Shibuya: Yeah, because I’m on the health committee. Mm? Unless… maybe you were looking forward to catching a glimpse? That’s too bad.

Tomochika Shibuya: … Wait, hang on a minute. Just now, didn’t you call her by her name? When did you guys get so close…?

Haruka Nanami: Eh… ah… that’s…

Otoya Ittoki: Close… I dunno if I’d say that. I’m just saying her name.

Masato Hijirikawa: … Indeed.  There’s nothing wrong with deepening your relationship with your partner.

Natsuki Shinomiya: How wonderful…! Your name. Can I call you that as well?

Haruka Nanami: Um… ah… well…

Natsuki Shinomiya:  Hehe. I’m teasing. Having someone use your first name is special, isn’t it?

Haruka Nanami: No, um…

Select the Phrase!

音也に助けを Ask Otoya for help (+ 10 Love, + 0 Music)

Feeling troubled, I look at Ittoki-kun, silently pleading for help.

In reply, he gives me a firm nod as if to say "Got it, just leave it to me!"

Tomochika Shibuya: Oh, making eye contact? You've gotten close enough to communicate with just a glance?

Otoya Ittoki: Idiot! What are you talking about? I just said it wasn't like that!

Otoya Ittoki: Besides, I use everyone else's names, don't I?

Tomochika Shibuya: Mm, I guess so. Well, I'll let it slide.

真斗に助けを Ask Masato for help (+0 Love, +0 Music)

Masato Hijirikawa: Shinomiya, don't tease her so much. She's embarrassed, isn't she?

Natsuki Shinomiya: You're right. Pardon me, Nanami-san.

Haruka Nanami: Oh, no... It's okay.

Tomochika Shibuya: Oh, Master Husband~! Your wife is cheating on you~!

Otoya Ittoki: The heck are you saying? I told you it's not like that! Jeez...

友千香に助けを Ask Tomochika for help (+0 Love, +0 Music)

Tomochika Shibuya: That's right, it's special, isn't it? So, what kind of relationship do you have?

Otoya Ittoki: I said it's not like that!

Agh, that didn't help at all...

Otoya Ittoki: Agh! Enough of this talk! Alright, case closed.

Tomochika Shibuya: There you go getting all bashful again. Ah, speaking of being bashful… Just a moment ago, Masayan’s face was bright red too, wasn’t it?

Masato Hijirikawa: Hrgh…

Natsuki Shinomiya: Not only just a moment ago, it’s red right now. … Ah, I see. He’s embarrassed because of how cute she looks in her bathing suit.

Masato Hijirikawa: …!! …

Hijirikawa-sama blushes deeply and looks away.

Tomochika Shibuya: Could it be… Masayan also has a crush on this girl?

Masato Hijirikawa: Absolutely not! What could have possibly led you to such an assumption?

Natsuki Shinomiya: Eh? Is it different for you, Masato-kun? I like her a lot. 

Masato Hijirikawa: … I’ve been saying as much from the start. Of course, it’s not like I dislike her, either.

Tomochika Shibuya: Hoho, it’s a love square, then? So popular, Haruka.

Haruka Nanami: Eh… no… that’s… not true… 

Masato Hijirikawa: Haven’t I already said that you’re mistaken?

Masato Hijirikawa: Frankly, the fact that we’re required to wear swimsuits for a physical exam is strange in itself. If we could only wear jerseys, this would not be an issue…

Masato Hijirikawa: … Really. Why does such a rule even exist?

Then, the next moment…

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~!

… the school principal appears by kicking in the classroom window with a crash.

Shining Saotome: Allow me to explaaain!

Natsuki Shinomiya: Ah, Saotome-sensei. Huh? But I thought we were on the third floor…?

Masato Hijirikawa: Don’t bother questioning it. That man is a being beyond human comprehension.

Masato Hijirikawa: Besides that, I’m more concerned about the broken glass. Should we clean it up before someone injures themselves?

Shining Saotome: NON NON! Never mind about the glass. I’m certain Ryuya-san will deal with it one way or another. That aside!

Shining Saotome: I will answer the question from just a moment ago! Regarding swimsuits, the reason is…

Otoya Ittoki: The reason is…?

Shining Saotome: Becaaause it is more fun that waaay!

Otoya Ittoki: The heck kind of reason is that?!

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! That’s not aaall, of cour-ourse! Hmmm~!

Shining Saotome: …!!

Shining Saotome: Idols are in the public eye at all times! The idea of anything like a “private life” is nonexistent to them! Therefore!

Shining Saotome: It is necessary to have the courage and determination to continuously lay oneself bare, body and soul!

Shining Saotome: Overcome any shyness you have by walking around the school in just a swimsuit!

Tomochika Shibuya: For some reason, when you say it that way, it sounds reasonable, but you definitely just came up with that.

Haruka Nanami: Ahaha…

Shining Saotome: Which meeeans! MISTER Ittoki, your physical exam will be personally conducted by meee!

Otoya Ittoki: Huh? Why me? How does anything you just said relate to that?

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! There is no need to be shyyy! The bond of friendship levels UP through bare skin!

Otoya Ittoki: Eh… ah, wait! Somebody help m—

Without further ado, the principal grabs Ittoki-kun and, carrying him under his arm, leaps out the window.

Ah, Ittoki-kun…! … Do your best!

Masato Hijirikawa: Principal… What in the world does he mean to do, taking Ittoki away like that…?

Natsuki Shinomiya: I believe Saotome-sensei has a medical license, so I’m sure he’ll be just fine.

Haruka Nanami: I see… though I wish that I also could have the honor of having the principal perform my health exam.

Tomochikia Shibuya: Eh?! Haruka, do you really mean that?

Haruka Nanami: Eh…? Why wouldn't I?

Tomochika Shibuya: No… It’s fine but… I’m beginning to pity Otoya a little.

Pity? Why is that?

Afterward, Ittoki-kun doesn’t return until everyone has completed their physical exams.

Otoya Ittoki: …

Ah, Ittoki-kun’s back. But… he seems listless somehow.

Natsuki Shinomiya: Otoya… kun? What’s the matter? You seem depressed.

Masato Hijirikawa: Did the principal do something to you after all?

Otoya Ittoki: Nothing happened, but… …Sorry. It’s nothing. I’m just a little tired.

Otoya Ittoki: I’m fine, really.

He may say that, but Ittoki-kun’s complexion is quite pale.

Natsuki Shinomiya: …

Masato Hijirikawa: …

Even though Ittoki-kun is suffering, I feel like I can’t do anything to help him. I can’t even think of anything to say. 

Ever since the physical exams, Ittoki-kun often seems troubled and pensive.

His complexion is even worse than before, too… I hope he’s alright…

Haruka Nanami: U-um… Ittoki-kun, are you okay?

But, whenever I ask him about it…

Otoya Ittoki: Hm? What? I’m totally fine.

…he only smiles and gives answers like that.

Haruka Nanami: Maybe so, but… Did something happen?

Otoya Ittoki: Nothing much… I just want to think about some things by myself, is all.

Otoya Ittoki: So, about practice today…

Haruka Nanami: You can take a break from practice if you need to, but… Are you sure you’re okay?

Otoya Ittoki: Yup. All good! Nothing to worry about.

Natsuki Shinomiya: Otoya-kun… doesn’t seem well today, either.

Masato Hijirikawa: I agree—in all likelihood, he’s probably putting on a brave face. It’s painful to witness.

What should I do? Even if I have to force it, I think I should ask him about it, after all. 

Select the Phrase! 

放っておく Leave him alone (+0 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: ...

I have to say something... Is what I think, but nothing comes out. Even though I'm his partner...

How is it that I can be so cowardly?

手を握る Grab his hand (+20 Love, +5 Music)

I take Ittoki-kun's hand, giving it a squeeze.

Haruka Nanami: Don't worry all by yourself.

Otoya Ittoki: I'm not worried about anything... but this makes me happy. Nanami, your hands are warm.

Otoya Ittoki: For some reason, I feel a lot calmer. I'd like it even more if I could hold you like this.

Haruka Nanami: Huh...?

Otoya Ittoki: Kidding! It's a joke, a joke! I'm fine, really, so don't worry about me.

理由を聞く Ask for a reason (+10 Love, +10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Um... Is something wrong? If it's okay with you, can you rely on me?

Otoya Ittoki: Thanks, Nanami. But, sorry. I can't talk about it right now.

I'm useless. Ittoki-kun, you seem to be hurting so bad, but you can't even ask me for help.

It must be because I'm so weak.

Tomochika Shibuya: Shut up!

Tomo-chan hisses under her breath, and then…

Bang!

…she loudly pounds on Ittoki-kun’s desk.

Otoya Ittoki: Eh, w-what?

Tomochika Shibuya: I don’t know what the problem is but shut up, it’s annoying. I’m sick of it.

Otoya Ittoki: Eeeh?! Was I being that annoying?

Tomochiki Shibuya: Yes. It’s even more worrisome when you clearly seem to be troubled and say you’re fine anyway.

Tomochika Shibuya: I’m not particularly concerned with whatever happens to you, but… look how worried you're making her!

Otoya Ittoki: Ah…

Tomochika Shibuya: I’m so pissed off that I wanna punch you in the face.

Otoya Ittoki: Pissed off enough to punch me… That’s mean. That’s total overkill.

Tomochika Shibuya: It’s easier for a brawn-over-brains idiot like you to solve things physically rather than just worrying about it! Move your body before you think!

Haruka Nanami: T… Tomo-chan… you shouldn’t use violence…

Haruka Nanami: But, I want to hear you sing too, Ittoki-kun.

Haruka Nanami: I like seeing you singing and dancing cheerfully.

Otoya Ittoki: But my song…

Otoya Ittoki: Yeah, you’re right. It’s not like me to get hung up worrying like this. Right!

Otoya Ittoki: I want to see you smiling too. I’ll sing with all I’ve got! I’ll start practicing again today!

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes!

I’m not sure what changed, but I’m glad that Ittoki-kun is feeling better. 

Over the following week, we practiced whenever we had the time.

We’d leave the dorm early in the morning, use most of our lunch breaks for practice, and at night we’d stay at school until the last minute.

Otoya Ittoki: Hack, cough… Haaa, haaa, haaa…

Haruka Nanami: …Should we stop for the day? Your voice is hoarse…

Otoya Ittoki: I think I can keep going. A bit longer at least.

Haruka Nanami: If you use your voice too much, it won’t recover even after a night’s sleep. If you keep forcing it, it’ll become a vicious cycle.

Otoya Ittoki: That won’t happen. I said it’s fine… One more time. C’mon.

Haruka Nanami: Seriously, you’re overdoing it.

While I’m bewildered, Ittoki-kun seizes my wrist firmly. 

Otoya Ittoki: Just a little more. C’mon, that’s okay, right?

Ittoki-kun. Such incredible spirit.

He’s really serious about becoming a pro!

Haruka Nanami: Understood! We’ll definitely make our debut together! We have to go pro!

Otoya Ittoki: Eh… Ah, r… right. Yeah. Pass the graduation audition and become a pro among pros.

Otoya Ittoki: Nanami. You want to become a professional composer, right?

Haruka Nanami: Yes! I want to compose lots of wonderful songs, and I want you to sing them, Ittoki-kun.

Otoya Ittoki: I knew it… I shouldn’t be so self-centered and selfish.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

Otoya Ittoki: Ah, nothing. The song…

Tokiya Ichinose: How much longer are you going to be? The reservation for this room has long passed… Oh, look who it is, it’s you two…

Tokiya Ichinose: I’ve been wondering why you’ve been coming back so late recently. Practicing hard now?

Otoya Ittoki: Tokiya… Right, this guy is…

Tokiya Ichinose: You can’t learn these sorts of things by doing them all at once. You have to work out a plan and do them a little at a time. Are you listening to me properly? Otoya.

Otoya Ittoki: Tokiya, you don’t have a partner right now, do you?

Tokiya Ichinose: Why are you asking that, out of the blue… I do not, but that doesn’t matter to you, does it?

Otoya Ittoki: It does matter! Nanami. Why don’t you pair up with Tokiya?

Haruka Nanami: Huh…? What now?

Otoya Ittoki: I’m saying to partner up with him. Why don’t you try Tokiya instead of me?

Tokiya Ichinose: What are you saying all of a sudden, there’s no way I could do such a thing. And what are you planning to do?

Otoya Ittoki: Ah, I… Don’t worry about me.

Haruka Nanami: U-um, if I’ve done something to upset you, I apologize.

Haruka Nanami: Why should I suddenly pair up with someone else?

Otoya Ittoki: I’m sorry. I can’t tell you why. I want to make your dream come true no matter what. I want you to debut…

Otoya Ittoki: As far as I know, he’s the best singer I’ve ever heard, and even though he’s kinda intimidating, he’s not a bad guy.

Otoya Ittoki: And he has more passion for music than anyone else… So I feel like I can trust leaving things to him.

Ichinose-san and I look at each other, confused.

Tokiya Ichinose: After hearing you sing so many of her songs, I admit she’s a skilled composer, but…

Tokiya Ichinose: Still… At this point in time, dropping and changing partners… What an idiotic thing to do.

Tokiya Ichinose: I can’t fathom what made you come up with that idea.

Haruka Nanami: I-I also want to hear what your reasoning is.

Otoya Ittoki: It’s because… I don’t have time…

Ittoki-kun looks incredibly pained, his eyes downcast.

Haruka Nanami: Ittoki-kun…

I grab his hand instinctively.

Otoya Ittoki: Eh…? Nanami…

Haruka Nanami: No matter the reason, I don’t want to change partners. The only partner for me is you, Ittoki-kun.

Haruka Nanami: No one can take your place!

Otoya Ittoki: But, I… I might not be able to stay with you forever. That’s why…

Haruka Nanami: Even so, my partner is you. Don’t tell me to partner up with someone else.

Otoya Ittoki: Why would you… go so far for someone like me…? Tokiya sings better than me, and…

Haruka Nanami: Because I love your singing. I believe that you can bring out the best in my songs.

Haruka Nanami: You’re probably the only person in the world who can!

Otoya Ittoki: Haruka… you think that highly of me…? I knew it, I can’t do it.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

Otoya Ittoki: I thought I could entrust you to Tokiya, but… It’s completely hopeless. I don’t want to let go of you after all.

Otoya Ittoki: Even if there’s no hope, even if I don’t have time, even though I know I’ll only make you sad, I still want you to be by my side until the end.

Otoya Ittoki: Haruka. I l—

Shining Saotome: Hold it right there!

Huh… the principal? But, from where?

Shining Saotome: MISTER Ittoki. There is something I must tell youuu.

The window swings open and the principal comes into the room.

Otoya Ittoki: Something… to tell me? What else is there to say other than having one month left to live?!

Ittoki-kun shouts with a severe expression.

One month left to live?! Who… does? It can’t be Ittoki-kun…

But… That must be why he’s been unhappy for so long…

Shining Saotome: Oh! That whole thing. That was an error, a mistake! The re-examination results show that you are the image of health itself!

Otoya Ittoki: Huuuh?! …A mistake?

Shining Saotome: Exactly. MISTER Ittoki, you are incredibly healthy! There was a mistake on the printout of your medical chart. An unfortunate accideeent. I’M sorry, hairy sorry.

Otoya Ittoki: …

Otoya Ittoki: …Right. So it was… a mistake. Haha…

Otoya Ittoki: I… This whole time, all I’ve been thinking about is what I was going to do about me dying. I was so desperate to do something, anything…

Otoya Ittoki: …The heck. It was… just that. Haha… ahahaha!

Ittoki-kun collapses, sitting down on the spot.

Select the Phrase!

手を差し伸べる Offer a hand (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: U-um... C-can you stand?

I offer my hand to Ittoki-kun. He grabs my hand and pulls me close.

His large arms envelop me in an embrace.

Haruka Nanami: Ah... um...

Otoya Ittoki: ...Sorry. I'm really sorry! I made you worry so much...

Haruka Nanami: No, as long as you're safe, it's okay with me.

Otoya Ittoki: It's not okay! I made you worry so much... I really am sorry!

声をかける Talk to him (+0 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: U-um... are you okay?

Otoya Ittoki: Yeah. I'm okay, great even... I mean, a misdiagnosis made me think I had only one month to live. Sorry for worrying you.

Haruka Nanami: No... I'm just glad that you're feeling better, that's all I want.

立ち尽くす Stay still (+5 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: ...

When I remain silent, Ittoki-kun stands up and gently embraces me.

Otoya Ittoki: I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth for so long. But... everything is okay now.

Haruka Nanami: Next time, it something's happening, I want you to tell me the truth.

Otoya Ittoki: Yeah. I'll tell you properly next time. I won't keep it a secret. I promise.

Shining Saotome: Well, well, the problem has been resolved! Fareweeell for now! Wahahahahaha!

Then, the principal leaves, laughing.

Tokiya Ichinose: …Unbelievable, you've caused trouble for everyone.

Otoya Ittoki: Give me a break, won't ya? Agh, that took years off my life.

Haruka Nanami: Still, I’m glad you don’t have only a month left to live.

Otoya Ittoki: Ah, well, yeah… I guess you’re right. ‘Kay! Should we head home?

Haruka Nanami: Yes!

Otoya Ittoki: Ahhh. I feel like such an idiot. I was really shaken by the principal’s diagnosis. I was super depressed.

Otoya Ittoki: When I found out I didn’t have much time, I didn’t know what to do at first.

Haruka Nanami: I can imagine. If I were to be told the same thing, I think I’d be even more depressed than you were.

Haruka Nanami: I wouldn’t be able to recover immediately, either…

It’s really scary to imagine.

Otoya Ittoki: Yeah, but… I was also in a horrible slump.

Otoya Ittoki: But I thought… If I didn’t have time, I’d live my life to the fullest. I wanted to spend even a single second longer with you.

Otoya Ittoki: But when you said you wanted to go pro, I realized how self-indulgent that was.

Otoya Ittoki: Even if I didn’t have a future… There was your future. Knowing that, what was I supposed to do?

Haruka Nanami: My… future?

He was thinking about me while going through a hard time.

Otoya Ittoki: And juuust when I was thinking about that, along came that guy, Tokiya. It felt like the perfect opportunity.

Otoya Ittoki: That guy doesn’t have a partner. He’s kind of a jerk, but he’s got some good qualities. I felt like I could trust him with you.

Haruka Nanami: So that’s why you said that. Doing something like pairing up with Ichinose-san…

Haruka Nanami: I was worried that maybe you hated me.

Otoya Ittoki: Who, me? No way. I wouldn’t hate you. Never!

Otoya Ittoki: Because… the truth is, just the thought of you partnering up with another guy was really painful.

Otoya Ittoki: Really, thinking about it now, it was a stupid thing to do.

Otoya Ittoki: I say and do a lot of things just based off of what I’m feeling at the time. Sorry for dragging you around.

Otoya Ittoki: Next time, I’ll try to think before I act. Oh… you know… Let me ask you something.

Otoya Ittoki: If I’d really had a month to live, what would you have done? Would you still have been my partner? 

Select the Phrase!

たぶん… Probably... (+0 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Since I don't know anyone else other than you.

Otoya Ittoki: I see, that makes sense.

はい！！Of course!! (+20 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: You are the only one who can sing my songs. I only compose them for you.

Otoya Ittoki: I see... In that case, I'll have to sing them with everything I've got!

Haruka Nanami: I look forward to it!

わかりません I don't know (+10 Love, +0 Music)

Haruka Nanami: I haven't really thought about it.

Otoya Ittoki: ...I see.

Otoya Ittoki: …Sorry, weird question.

Haruka Nanami: No, it’s… it’s okay.

Otoya Ittoki: If we swapped places, you would be the only partner for me, don’t forget that.

Haruka Nanami: Ah, y-yes! You’re the only one for me too!

Otoya Ittoki: Mhm. Hey, let’s hold hands as we head back!

Haruka Nanami: Ah!

Ittoki-kun forcefully takes my hand and starts to walk.

Otoya Ittoki: Ahh… I kinda feel like running. Is that okay?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, w-wait a s-second!

Otoya Ittoki: Let’s go! Hahaha!

Ittoki-kun runs off, failing to hear my reply.

But this sort of thing is fun, too.

The warmth spreading from our joined hands feels nice. I could almost cry.

This time may have been a mistake, but if something were to happen to Ittoki-kun…

It’s kind of scary to think about.

I… 

Select the Phrase!

手をぎゅっと強く握った Squeeze Ittoki-kun's hand even tighter (+20 Love. + 0 Music)

Then, Ittoki-kun gives me a warm smile.

心配でうつむいた Look down with concern (+10 Love, +0 Music)

Sensing my mood, Ittoki-kun tightens his grasp on my hand.

足を止めた Stop walking (+0 Love, +5 Music)

When I do, Ittoki-kun pats me on the head and starts walking besides me slowly, still holding my hand.

Ittoki-kun… Whenever I’m anxious, he notices without me having to say anything.

I can’t think of anyone kinder, who would immediately notice and reassure me.

I could do anything for this person. I would do anything.

That’s why, no matter what happens, Ittoki-kun is the only partner for me. 

Mini Game

Ringo Tsukimiya: Well? Are you getting used to private lessons yet? I’ve been giving lessons on the assignment piece for a while, but I think it might be time to work on your graduation song soon. 

Ringo Tsukimiya: You’ve gotten much better. From now on, you must perfect your compositions on your own.

Ringo Tsukimiya: But first, let’s do a final test for the assignment piece. I want you to use all the skills you’ve mastered and do your best!

Ringo Tsukimiya: Are you ready? Then, start!

S Rank

The next day, I tell Ittoki-kun about the test results and he’s very pleased.

Otoya Ittoki: I’m kind of happy. Being able to spend time with you like this is great.

Otoya Ittoki: It feels like a dream that I was worrying just a little while ago. I wish I could do this forever.

Haruka Nanami: Yes, I look forward to working with you in the future too. 

Chapter End

[airacoon]

SEMI-YEAR

1. I started the year with a promotion. A premature one. My career's biggest highlight so far. A leadership position. (+ an increase 💸)

"Growth is uncomfortable. ", I always tell myself. But maybe, they just promoted the wrong person. It's just that one thing everyone is obsessed about--a mere title.

With the upcoming org change, my role or how I do things Manila-wise will also change. I am foreseeing a demotion or whatever. l "Change is constant. " Whatever the change, I hope I'm still growing.

2. Ne-Yo concert. I went to the concert alone. I'm a loner but going to concerts alone freaks me out. But I did it! And now I feel like anything is possible 🤣

3. A new laptop.

4. I got accepted to grad school, then quit rightaway because I can't handle a full-time job with studying aside. I really want to go back to schooling. Then maybe go to law school. But my Mental Health can't. I have to take things slow because I might die, I'm not kidding, I might die.

5. I made peace with the decision that I am no longer taking the board exam. Tough one, but it's called closure.

6. I emailed my --- crush. Turned into a few-week situationship. Then poof! Done. I'm not going into further details.

7. Me and R have ended the end of the "vacation" because, well, I screwed up-- again. The last playlist is the last playlist.

8. I lost a longtime friend because of well, me and the stupid state of politics in the Philippines. It feels like a breakup, basically. I don't take friendships lightly. But one thing I'm sure, I'm not regretting all the vulnerabilities I shared with this longtime friend and will cherish all the happy memories we have together and I will not talk shit of this person out of respect.

9. I moved out. I'm re-starting adulting again. Well, the room I was renting was okay, also near the work site, but I want my own bathroom and sink. My own space.

Also, one thing I know, healing is NOT possible if I would keep on coming back to my father's house. Well, that's still my permanent address. But I would not heal if I would go "home" to the exact place I am healing from. It's time to kind of break free. Growth is uncomfortable.

10. I lost my wallet last Feb. But also, I'm proud of how I handled the situation rationally in a way that my younger would not.

What a semi-year. Mostly temporary wins. Temporary people. So I hope that as the second half of the year kicks in, these temporary wins are leading to something long-lasting, if not permanent.

"No feeling is final. "

[goeie-morgen]

Gossip Guy podcast with Willem De Schryver

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYjtRYOGS00

translated by @jackfrostsander @bruisingknees @lblogss @yousmina and me :)

-

E: I do have another present for you.

W: Oei oei oei, presents.

E: I do that every week. I give something to my guest of the week.

W: Oei oei oei. Do I slide it?

E: Here in the front is a flap that you have to fold upwards…

[Intro]

E: Wassup people, welcome to a new episode of the Gossip Guy podcast. My name is Ender Scholtens and today I’m here with Willem De Schryver. Everything ok?

W: Sure sure (In Dutch sure is used as a confirmation to a question).

E: Is this your first podcast?

W: Yes, this is my first podcast.

E: Stress?

W: No, it will be fine, right? Relaxed.

E: I don’t know… (laughing). For the people who don’t recognize you, from where could they know you?

W: Hmmm, probably from the youth series WTFOCK where, in the third season, I play the role of Sander.

E: And we are allowed to talk about it in this podcast.

W: Yeah I also heard that. Yes, it’s over.

E: Was it a difficult chapter of your life to close?

W: Yes, I still clearly remember the last moment… Like really the last last scene at the sea… That was an emotional moment because you went through a lot as a group, you did a lot together, and emotional scenes, intimate scenes. But yes, I think, if I speak for the whole group that it was a goodbye to the series but not a goodbye from each other. We still keep in contact. Mainly through WhatsApp.

E: Yeah, the end of the series was beautiful. I sat next to my girlfriend when it just came online. Because there were a few scenes that we hadn’t seen yet and we were just watching them… And we refreshed and the last episode was online… The last piece was online… So, I thought… I really cried… It caused quite some emotions.

W: For many people… Also under the cast and even the extras that were present for that last scene… Even among them. I can remember that they got emotional because it really was over over. I think that we, WTFOCK, have been able to impact a lot of young people in Belgium. So, it’s beautiful… We closed it beautifully…

E: I don’t doubt that. I really liked the end. What is your favorite memory from your whole WTFOCK experience?

W: Hoh, hmmm. Do I have to choose one? Difficult to choose one… I think that the most enjoyable moments… At the end of each series… Almost… We were at the sea or in the Ardennes, as a group, for a vacation. Away together. And those moments… Away with the whole cast and crew… Being away for a whole weekend. And in the evening, talking late into the night and that creates a special connection and I think that, in general, was the most enjoyable… Yes, it affects me… You share, as a young person, a common dream or something we want to realize as an actor to succeed and everyone who works so hard for that… That’s nice to see.

E: I recently talked to Veerle and I know that if she sees Nora, like somewhere, say at a party… Then they stay together for the whole evening… Do you have that? With who did you have the best connection throughout that whole experience?

W: Yes…

E: That doesn’t mean that the rest is not chill or so…

W: No the rest is all stupid… There’s only one person… I hate you all! (joking) No! Yes, hmmm, I think that I definitely have the best connection with Willem. Just because we have been through a lot… I always compare the WTFOCK crew a bit to my own friend group, aside from the cast. I mean, I know to whom I can go for what. I know I can go to some if I feel sad, to talk and I know who I can go to to have a laugh. And who I can go to to have a general chat. And everyone has their qualities or like their own aura around them… Where I love to hang around. So, it differs from person to person. So, it’s hard to choose one person but Willem then in the sense that, if you jump naked together in a swimming pool and if you have intimate scenes together… That creates a connection, of course. So, yes, if I have to choose one person…

E: Is there a barrier that you have to overcome to play such scenes? Because they are very intimate, indeed. And I, personally, couldn’t imagine… I can’t act… But, to empathize with a role… To play such scenes… Is that difficult for you?

W: Huh, yes, that’s a question I get often. I mean like… Yeah and you have to empathize with that character… But yes, you step into that project with a certain professionalism and you say “okay, we are going to create a story and bring it to the public with certain values and that we want to tell something and show something” …So, yes, you don’t really think about it. So, it’s not like I thought “Ooooo, I am kissing with a boy but I am interested in girls”. That was not a problem for me because it really is about telling the story and making that together and if the story requires that then you just completely go for it.

E: That’s cool. What are your future acting ambitions? You now have played in a series, is that something you want to do more in the future or do you like theatre more or movie or…

W: I find it difficult to choose between theatre and film, for example. After WTFOCK I played in Déjà Vu, which you can see on Streamz and later this year on Channel 4… And I study theatre at KASK. And I notice the difference, due to the recordings, I am really in the field and I am busy and I work, while at school I learn new things about theatre… So, in my opinion I have more experience in television work because I actually have done projects for that and I haven’t yet for theatre, which is still school and learning. So, I think it’s currently hard to choose but I think, maybe it’s a cliché answer, but the combination is maybe ideal, of course. But I am still exploring and I will see how it goes…

7:02

E: What is your favorite food?

W: My favorite food?

E: Yes.

W: Hmmmm, in the past I was really a basic guy… Like spaghetti bolognese or so… But now, generally after my exams, I go to a restaurant with my grandma. She always buys. That’s always amazing. I am a fan. And I always take steak tartare with fries. That remains a bit of a guilty pleasure.

E: How long, do you think, would it take you to eat five full plates of spaghetti bolognese?

W: Hoh, hmmm. The thing is, my stomach is rather small…

E: Small?

W: I think that I would have to schedule in… Okay, after a certain time I would have to throw up and then eating further…

E: You’re allowed to take a break. You’re allowed to say… Okay, I take a few days…

W: No, no, not that…

E: You’re going to do it in a day?

W: Look, two plates… Three if I really push…

E: You get preparation time so you know like a week before… So, you can like…

W: Train yourself?

E: Yes, train…

W: Hoh, alee say about four hours…

E: Four hours?! Five plates, he? Like five really big plates…

W: Yeah but yeah, four minutes… I am exaggerating… Let’s say a day… In a day five plates…

E: Ok, that should work. Then you basically have every meal… Breakfast… Lunch… Dinner… and in between… pasta…

W: Pasta as breakfast…

E: One day should definitely be feasible.

W: Yes, indeed.

8:49

E: What is, according to you, the reason you were placed on this planet?

W: Fuck (laughs).

E: Existential crisis, okay? Have you never thought about what the purpose of life is and what…

W: Yes, certainly… Hmmm, I'm someone who worries a lot. When I'm in bed in the evening I start to think about questions like that and then I think “what am I doing? Willem… where do I want to go to and…” Hmmm, why was I put on this planet? Hmmmm… (speechless followed by laughing). This is really bad… It’s like I don’t value myself…

E: Noooo, but I didn’t expect a deep philosophical answer. Well, if you had one… really good but…

W: Okay I’m going to think about my philosophical answer… but no. If you want… No! Yes, now I'm really going to sound philosophical but… (crosstalk) Everyone who is on earth has a certain reason to be here and everyone… I for example have that… I really feel that… I never liked going to school. Especially, in lower and high school. I… I actually, on purpose, put my fingers in my throat in the morning to throw up…

E: Wow, that’s heavy…

W: And then going downstairs to say “papa I’m ill, can I stay home?” I don’t know why but that whole system… Sitting behind a desk all day… And those classes… that was not for me. And then I discovered my passion for acting and discovered that it really suited me. And that’s the thing… A lot of people often ask me like “how did you start?” and “I also would like to do that and where do I start and I have been rejected does that mean I am not good enough?” but I think that sometimes you shouldn’t rush to find your passion. It can take longer then you would like it to take. I think that if you too intensively search for "what am I good at?" and “I have to find something that I am good at” and… For me that’s happened unexpectedly. I did take acting classes on Wednesday afternoons after school and I kind of got into it like that… I think it differs for everyone and that everyone has their own purpose here on earth.

E: And would you say your purpose is acting?

W: Yeah…

E: There isn’t a right answer but how does it feel for you at the moment? Is that the thing you love doing the most or do you see yourself doing for a long time?

W: The thing is… I’m a person who gets tired of things very quickly. I’ve had a lot of hobbies.

E: So maybe next week you want to garden or something?

W: No, no I wouldn’t say that. No the thing is, with acting that isn’t the case. Since I was twelve… well first on amateur level…

E: How old are you now?

W: 19.

E: Oh wow I thought you were my age. 19… damn bro you’re three years younger than me.

W: 2001 represent.

E: That’s literally… you’re the same age as my brother! What the shit. Alright, no okay.

W: In November so almost 2002. I’m really a latecomer.

E: What?! You look like you’re the same age as me and everything.

12:14

W: But that’s honestly – thank you for saying that! I always used to be the “little guy.” None of the girls wanted to be with me cause they just thought I was cute.

E: I see.

W: And they came to me to talk about their love lives.

E: Oh, okay.

W: So I was always that guy who was like: “I’m in love with you.” “Oh, how cute! You’re so cute!” So I was always like: “Okay then, I’m never going to find anyone, I’m always going to stay… short. I’ll be all alone.” And then all of a sudden I –

E: Do you think height matters in regard to your chances with certain… people?

W: At this age I don’t think it does anymore, but I do think that – I think at – I just remember in high school that the romantic idea of what love was supposed to look like was very: a boy and a girl, and the boy has to be taller and stronger and bigger than the girl. But I think that now it’s more… I mean, at my age I’m convinced it’s more fluid than that, and it doesn’t have to be that way. So it doesn’t have to be an issue anymore.

E: But still, when you go on Twitter, short guys are still –

W: Yeah.

E: Totally annihilated.

W: I have notice – I have noticed – Yeah, it’s still… It’s still this… general thing that people get stuck on. Like: “Oh, a short dude. That’s not okay.” Or whatever.

E: Or like the guy has to be taller. But no, we’re – we’re – not… not all relationships… we’re really generalizing here. But I get what you mean.

W: Yeah.

E: No, it’s – I do think it’s still important. I think that when you’re, and this is really harsh, but that a lot of people look at you differently when you’re taller. I have this dude in my friend group, Louis Ledegen, and he’s close to 2 meters tall, and just some girls look at him and they just think that’s so… attractive or whatever. And I just can’t even imagine.

W: I don’t get that either.

E: That that makes them go like: “Wow!”

W: I was in the train just now and this dude walked by me and he was honestly like 2 meters tall and I was just thinking: “When you’re that tall, and you’re with…” I mean, the girl almost has to get on a stepping stool to reach him for a kiss! And girls are like – I mean, I’ve heard before that girls think it’s attractive when a man is really tall.

E: Yeah.

W: And yeah, I don’t know… I don’t totally get it.

E: No.

W: Maybe it’s cause I’m not that tall myself, that I’m like trying to protect myself and be all: “That’s not necessary!”

E: Yeah! If anybody knows the answer, do we, being shorter guys, have less of a chance?

W: Let us know, please.

14:53

E: Please let us know! We need some answers! Now in the show, wtFOCK, your hair’s a different color.

W: Yeah.

E: Yeah. Is that something… So that was actually – it wasn’t really blonde?

W: It was completely bleached.

E: Bleached.

W: It was more to the… But the thing is that they had to do it twice, cause the first time… I got there, for the first table read with the director and Willem [Herbots] and they were like: “Hey, Willem. We wanted to ask you something. We’d like to bleach your hair for the role.”

E: Yeah.

W: And I was like: “… Okay.”

E: Okay.

W: “And why?” No. “Just for the character and stuff.” So I was like: “Okay. That’s fine.” The thing is I had to be at the hairdresser for 4 hours for this.

E: Oh wow, heavy.

W: It was like this and this product, and it had to sit for a long time. It had to be bleached all over. And I got out of there the first time and I was completely yellow – but yellow like an egg.

E: Oh, shit!

W: And I… My mom dropped me off, and I texted her: “I’m done, will you come get me?” And I saw my mom approach and she just passed me by.

E: Oh wow.

W: She didn’t – she almost didn’t recognize me anymore. Like halfway - she was like – and then she was like: “Oh! Willem!” Like she hadn’t seen –

E: Oh shit.

W: That it was me. That I looked completely different. And then I arrived for another table read and Tom [Goris – director] was like: “Yeah… We’re not gonna go this route… This is too yellow.” So then I spent another 4 hours at the hairdresser. After that I had to be there for four hours almost every month. I did think it was cool to have bleached hair, but… You have to be at the hairdresser for so long, so that really wasn’t… my thing. I mean, I had some really cool moments with Mitch [Fabry – hair & make up wtFOCK]. Thanks, Mitch.

E: Would you ever dye your hair again?

W: Uhm.

E: Maybe another color?

W: Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m quite happy with my hair color, actually, I don’t know.

E: Alright.

W: Now it’s also like… Everyone always asks me: “So this is your natural hair color?”

E: Yeah.

W: And then I have to tell them: “Yeah.” And it’s like: “Oh, okay!” It’s this switch. But no, I’m happy with my hair. It’s fine.

17:03

E: I can also tell that you’ve got an earring? You can’t really tell on camera, but –

W: I’ll come a little closer [to the camera]. Yeah, I only got it recently, four weeks or something.

E: Yeah. Was it an impulsive, drunken decision, or something you wanted… for some time?

W: I’ve wanted it for a long time, but I was a little anxious about it like: “It’s not gonna look good on me,” and then after a while, a couple of months ago, I was like: “Fuck it, I’m just gonna do it.” And if it didn’t look good I could still just take it out, so it doesn’t really matter. But all in all I was pretty happy with it. My father, my parents – my mom: “Oh, so nice!!” And it was like – at first they give you a stud and then after four weeks you can change it to a hoop. And I really wanted a hoop, and I even asked the people in the (piercing) shop: “Can’t I please just get a hoop straight away?” And they were like: “No, sorry, it doesn’t work like that. For hygiene reasons that’s not okay.”

E: Okay.

W: But okay, so I had to wait four weeks and then eventually I could change it to the golden hoop. So I get home and the first thing my father said was: “Wow, you look like a douchebag.” That was the first thing out of his mouth, that I looked like a douchebag.

E: Is that the look you were going for?

W: No, not at all! Not at all!

E: I think it looks cool.

W: Thanks.

E: Cause a little while ago I wanted one, and so I put on my girlfriend’s earring – because even if your ear isn’t pierced it sticks a little –

W: Yeah.

E: And so I just put it on there for a day or something, and then I was like: “Okay, that’s quite enough.” I don’t know if I’d want it for longer than that. Recently I’ve been getting into rings and stuff though.

W: I wore rings for a long time, but I don’t have any anymore. I actually want – I like them too. But I have to –

18:47

E: If I’d known, I would’ve brought you a gift!

W: Go shopping. Goddamn!

E: I did bring you another gift though!

W: Another gift? Oei oei oei, gifts!

E: This is something I do every week,  I give my guest of the week something.

W: Oei oei oei. 

E: It’s just…

W: Do I just slide it –

E: There’s a little hatch over here, that you have to lift, and then you can just lift it like that. There we go.

W: There we go.

E: White hairspray.

W: If I’d want to go back to – there we have it. Too good.

E: It can be washed out really easily as well. So this way you don’t have to be at the hairdresser for like four hours. And then when you’re sick of it, you can just get rid of it again!

W: That was the thing… Thank you, by the way.

E: You’re very welcome.

W: Now I can go back – Now I can go back to my past life. No, that was the thing as well. People who – people who - after wtFOCK came online, people really recognized me with the white hair. I mean, it’s pretty noticeable, when I’m walking through Ghent station – if someone with bleached hair. I mean, if you watch the show, I can imagine that when you see someone with bleached hair, you immediately connect the two and think: “Oh, that could be him.” And then you run in to some people who ask for pictures. After that my hair was really short, cause the people from Déja-Vu were like: “We’re not gonna do this, just go back to your natural hair color.” So I cut it all off, and there was this time where… nobody came to talk to me anymore. I was able to just be myself again. It was as if – looking back on it, it was actually really nice that for wtFOCK I was able to completely get into a different character with different hair. And the first time I got rid of the hair I really noticed that was no longer being associated with the character.

E: Hannah Montana vibes! Your hair changes color and nobody knows who you are anymore.

W: “Who are you?”

E: “Who the fuck are you?!”

W: “Does anybody want to take pictures with me? It’s me! It’s me! I swear!”

E: “I’m that dude from wtFOCK! I’m that dude from wtFOCK!”

W: So if people don’t recognize me anymore I can just… *pshhht* in the morning.

E: Exactly! If you want to take some more pictures, you can just…

W: No, no. That’s fine. No, yeah.

E: It’s kind of crazy, actually. Because, honestly? The very first time I saw a flash of you, with this hair color, I also thought: “I recognize you from somewhere…” But I think I’d already gotten in contact with you through social [media] and I didn’t put two and two together that you…

W: Yeah.

E: “Aaah!”

W: “Aaah! You’re that guy!”

E: Yeah, so…

W: But that’s the whole thing. If someone recognizes me, which doesn’t happen that often by the way, it’s always – I think it’s funny to be like: “No, that’s not me.”

E: No.

W: People really start doubting themselves, it’s very: “Uhm, can I ask you a question? Are you that guy from wtFock?” “Me? No.”

E: “No!”

W: “That’s not me.” And people will often be like: “Oh? What? But I recognize you…” That doubt on their faces is pretty funny but yeah, then I tell them it’s me.

E: Just the reaction of someone being like: “Huh, do I know you from somewhere?” “Do you watch porn?”

W: The confrontation.

E: “Oh… qmdkjg.” And it’d be even better if the parents were right there as well. “Argh!”

W: “Yes, Jürgen, care to explain yourself, young man?”

E: No, it’s just funny to joke about. But you’ve never – Do you just get: “Hey, are you that guy from wtFOCK?” Or have people also asked you: “Do I know you from somewhere?” Or: “What do I know you from?”

W: Yeah, it depends. The thing is – I go to school in Ghent and when the [popular place where college students go out] was still open before Covid-19, not that I went there often because I didn’t really like it there –

E: No.

W: - in the sense that the combination of young people who –

E: Watch wtFOCK.

W: - watch wtFOCK and alcohol – and people who’ve had alcohol to drink –

E: And are horny?

W: - their limits or boundaries are just gone. “Oh my god!!! You’re that dude from wtFOCK!! Can I kiss you??” Things like that!

E: Oh, fuck!

W: And I was really like: “Okay…?” I’m just a regular dude and I’m trying – and I actually thought it was less annoying for myself, but I thought it was more disruptive for my friends. Like even when we were just walking down the street, we got recognized a couple of times, and I was just like: I just want to have fun with my friends, and not have to spend too much time thinking. That’s another thing I was subconsciously thinking about. Imagine I drink way too much.

E: Yeah.

W: And I end up in the gutter somewhere, and people start filming that… So yeah, that made… So because of that I spent more time in friends’ dorm rooms just having dorm parties.

E: And since your bleached hair is gone, have you gone to a party?

W: When my bleached hair was gone corona was already a thing so I haven’t been able to enjoy it. But it’s starting to come back [the parties] so that’s nice. I’m looking forward to… tomorrow I’m going-

E: Are you going as well?

W: Are you going to Plein Air by Fuse?

E: Tomorrow I’m going to Jaimie Lee who-

W: …Is going to DJ at three festivals.

E: Yeah at three festivals and I will be backstage I guess.

W: Okay.

E: One of those festivals?

W: Yeah I don’t know. I have tickets for Fuse Open Air in Brussels.

24:19

E: I honestly have no idea where I’m going. Anyway, I’m excited. And I always asked, what’s the first event you went to ever since it’s allowed? Did you go to We Can Dance festival?

W: No I was studying.

E: Was today your last exam or yesterday?

W: Yesterday was my last exam in the morning. I was stressing so much, because I thought I would fail, but eventually I think it went relatively well. If you’re watching professors, let me pass please. No I think it went well.

E: Are you someone who is stress resistant?

W: Uhh no.

E: No?

W: I let it take over my body.

E: You get physically unwell?

W: I will be laying in bed and I’m tossing and turning and sweating. And I think about how I’m not gonna pass tomorrow. And the combination with my worries is really not good. It makes me stay up really late. The thing is with stress resistant, I for example made my own play at high school about a kid with divorced parents for my final work and the whole audience was filled with my family and my parents. That’s pretty confronting to tell a story that’s also a little bit of their life and is pretty personal. I’m always stressed for things like that. Then it’s weird – from the first word I spoke I had a lot of stress and worries and the first sentence that I said was something like “I don’t know what to do”, and then it’s all of a sudden poofff. The train has left.

E: You said you didn’t really know what to do now.

W: That’s the first sentence of the text that I wrote and the moment I said that sentence I thought in my head “the train has left, there’s no way back now” and then the stress disappears automatically. But before the final rehearsal there was a moment that I was moving around heavily and I was throwing with chairs. And afterwards I had to pack moving boxes, which was okay. But from moving around and the combination of stress it made me almost gag in the box from the stress so I almost puked. So at these moments it gets pretty heavy.

E: Did other people notice or were you hiding it?

W: Yeah the final rehearsal was luckily not with an audience, but my teachers were like “Everything alright?” and I was like “Yeah I’m good. It’s a bit much”. But when it comes to stress, a lot of people always say – I’m even a little stressed right now actually.

E: Really?

W: Podcasts, oh no no.

E: Oh shit. You have to be (stressed)

W: A lot of pressure on my shoulder here. No, but a lot of people say that it doesn’t look like that I’m stressed even though I really am dying from all the stress.

E: Only now you can hide it really well. You should become an actor.

W: A lot of people have said that to me often, but it’s not my interest. Also not much work in the field.

E: That too, fuck. Are you someone who constantly pretends like you’re okay?

W: Yes.

E: Even when you have a lot of shit going on in your head and you’re processing other things?

W: I'm one person. One person?

E: "I'm one person" [laughs]

W: I am one person. No, but I'm someone who often keeps their stuff to themselves, so that I can listen to what others need.

28:15

E: That was my next question. You listen more to other people’s problems and you’re the person people come to with their problems?

W: I think, at least I hope, that a lot of my friends do know that they can always come to me for a talk or a phone call. I'm someone that will shove away their happiness for someone else, which isn’t always positive of course.

E: It is a beautiful characteristic, but it shouldn’t take over indeed.

W: In the past it has happened that I was falling apart, but I kept pushing it away, because I wanted to take care of someone else. I noticed this a lot during the divorce of my parents. My parents had a hard time with the divorce and I remember that I came home as a little boy and I saw my mom sitting and I felt the duty to comfort her and to be there for her, even though I was 8 or 9 years old. That’s not something you expect to do or think from an 8 year old. It really broke me and now I can openly speak about it, because I have had enough conversations with my parents about it, about how it was for me. And I made a play about it, as I told earlier, so it’s been a whole process and that has scarred me till at least my 16th. My parents got divorced when I was 5 or 6 years old. It took me a long time to open up because of that. I notice it a lot in previous relationships, that I walk away from fights, because I would find the confrontation too heavy to get into a fight and to discuss. The divorce and fights with my parents scarred me so hard that I didn’t want that again. I wanted everything to be rainbow and sunshine, but life doesn’t work like that. And that was partly a misconception from me, that I thought that a relationship had to be perfect, if there is a fight, then it’s not going well. Now I realize that fights are part of a relationship. And also part of steps you take into accepting each other, listening to each other and understanding each other. It’s needed for a stronger connection. You can’t, well you can, but in my eyes you can’t be with someone for a long time without ever having had a conflict. Even if it’s a discussion, because then you’re adapting too much to the other, and then you say okay, I’m adapting to the demands of her and I suppress my own things or things I want to do, only to avoid the discussion, and that’s something I learned. And that’s how everyone learns their own things along the way.

E: You still see it in the youth, those romantic movies, where everyone is so in love and it always ends with a kiss or something and it’s always good and then you think, this must be the case in real life. Why can’t I find Gabriella Montez for my Troy Bolton. Even though that was a shitty relationship too, they were constantly fighting. No, but that gives a wrong image about relationships and for other things because of movies. And the reality is just different.

32:16

W: Yes. I recently for the first time -this is kinda embarrassing because it’s a must see- watched The Notebook.

E: Me too! What did you think?

W: It has been a few weeks ago. Or a few weeks, maybe 3 or something.

E: I watched it last weekend.

W: I almost cried.

E: Really?

W: I’m a really emotional person. I can really cry. I can really get lost in a movie. “No not the puppy, why?!” Those things, where I think "Willem, act normal". But no it was a beautiful movie.

E: Yeah I have a different opinion, because I just fell asleep. I fell asleep, because it all went so slow, it started so slow. I didn’t even watch the kiss in the rain scene.

W: The moment. It’s in literally every romantic movie. In the rain, it happens everywhere.

Ender: Yeah mate, it’s such a cliché actually, but yeah.

W: I bet you that they’re just standing there with a garden hose.

E: Definitely.

W: It can’t be that they’re waiting, “is it gonna rain today? We need to do that scene now”.

33:27

E: Checking the rain alarm while everyone is inside. There are definitely sprinklers there. It’s in a lot of romantic movies. Now that we’re talking about it, the filming you did with wtFock, you sometimes had scenes outside. Here we have those (light) spots, I assume that you don’t carry them outside. How do you guys do that?

W: Sometimes we do have spots outside, but as long as the light from the sun is okay – with a binocular (telescope), well it’s not a binocular, it’s a round thing you can look through and with it they can determine the brightness of the sun and if the sun is too bright for the lightning they need, then it gets shielded, the same that is in front of your lamps. With that they can dim the lights. Or when there is not enough they use isomo plates, that’s really weird. Sometimes there are really intimate scenes in a series where it looks like it’s really close to the skin of the actors. There is a camera with a plate on it and a stick for the sound above it, it sometimes made it really hard for me to focus, because everyone is sitting there and the director and I’m like “yeah, okay okay”. So it takes a lot to get it all professional.

E: Was there a crazy moment where you forgot your lines? That you’re laying in bed and you’re like “which sentence do I have to say now?”

W: Yeah we’ve definitely had a lot of bloopers. Yeah forgetting lines or.. the thing is, as long as the director doesn’t say cut, you have to keep going. It’s a matter of "how do I improvise myself around this scene to get to the point we actually have to get to", because you have a scene and you have your lines, but if you forget something, then you do know the main lines of where the scene has to go to. You know the scene will end in a kiss or something and these subjects will be spoken about in the conversation, so when you forget your lines, you try to work your way through it as best as possible. And when the director says it wasn’t good, then we’ll do it again. I’ve had a lot of moments where I forgot my lines and I was laying in bed with Willem and we would look at each other and we’d know that I had to say something, but I was stuck, so there would be a 10 seconds silence, hoping for them to say cut. Yeah so those kinds of moments a lot or moments where I… I also had that with Déjà Vu. I remember… by the way it was amazing to work together with such big names as Natali Broods and Koen De Graeve. And Koen, lovely person, was kind of the father figure on set and we had a scene, next to the bed, a quite emotional scene. And the camera was focused on me, close up on my face. And I still remember that, the sound was going, everything, and Koen had just told a joke, or made a face that made me laugh. So, I had to laugh really hard, but I had to act very sad. It was an intense scene of goodbyes. All the time, starting to laugh about everything. I still remember for wtFock we made a video with bloopers and those are very fun to watch back.

37:03

E: Are those bloopers ever published somewhere online?

W: I don’t think so.

E: I think if you’d be able to release them somewhere that a lot of people would be interested in them.

W: Yes, yes. I don’t know why, indeed. The fans would be happy with those.

E: I think a lot of people- because we were just talking about your biggest fan.

W: My biggest-

E: Your grandma.

W: My grandma, yes. Big shout out to my grandma.

E: Do you think she’s watching right now?

W: She’ll definitely watch, I hope so.

E: What’s your grandma’s name?

W: Micheline.

E: Micheline, thank you very much for watching Micheline.

W: Micheline.

E: I appreciate it.

W: Women in power. She deserves a special place. No really, she follows all the fan accounts of wtFock. And then sometimes, or very often, we call and she gives me an update of what’s being said on the internet. Or yes, I also remember, when scenes come out and there’s things being said and she’s like "Willem, is that true, what are they saying?" And I say "Grandma, it’s nothing, it’s all from the show." "Ah okay, okay." So yes, very sweet grandma. She’s like the grandma where everything was allowed. I think that’s the same for everyone. At home, there are a lot of rules, and then you got to sleepover at your grandma’s and it was like: "Oh, I get to stay up later, and she made pudding for me." Her vanilla pudding-

E: That good?

W: Grandma, if you’re seeing this, please make some vanilla pudding when I visit.

E: Dude, everything’s falling out of my pocket.

W: You’re letting everything fall out of your pocket? Maybe you need to buy another pair of pants.

E: The chair is too comfortable that I’m kind of sinking in it, and now I constantly get-

W: The conversation’s too comfortable-

E: It’s just my phone, it’s vibrating, I think it just vibrated out of my pocket. So, silent, great. Eh, what were we talking about? About your grandma.

W: About my grandma.

38:46

E: Now, totally different subject. If you were a fish, what color fish would you be?

W: A fish?

E: Which color do you identify most with?

W: Eh.

E: And you’re a fish too of course.

W: Identify with which color. The thing is, I’m in the scouts. And in the Jins, that’s the last year before you become a leader, we were given a color totem, and the whole group decided on a color that fits you.

E: All right.

W: And mine was mango orange.

E: Wow, that’s cool.

W: Yeah, I thought it was cool too. And it means, if I have to think back, mango has quite a hard peel, relatively, but the fruit itself is quite soft. And that refers to my personality. I’m someone that lets people in fast, around me, but in the beginning, suspicion is a little strong, but kind of like, testing. Let’s say that. But once- From the outside I might look a bit hard. A lot of people say that when I have my straight face-

E: Resting bitch face.

W: That I’m angry. I was once told on the subway by a dude, and I was just listening to music, staring in the distance, and I think, suddenly a dude comes up to me, in French: "C’est quoi ton problème, heh, tu regardes come ça, c’est quoi ton problème." And I was like: "I’m sorry". Apparently, I was looking in his direction with my-

E: Bitch face.

W: Bitch face. He must have thought I was looking for problems. So yeah, that’s why the mango, a little hard on the outside, but once you get to know me better, a soft, sweet boy. So that’s why, orange. So, an orange fish then.

E: A little bit of Nemo vibes.

W: Yes, Nemo then. But let’s, what’s that theory. Did you hear that?

E: Theory?

W: About Nemo.

E: What’s the theory?

W: Haven’t you heard that? I keep seeing that online. I’m having a crisis. So the thing is, your childhood will get ruined.

E: Fuck man.

W: The thing is-

E: But there really are, no keep going, I have something I want to say afterwards.

W: The thing is, I’ve heard, that Nemo is Latin for nobody, and that the father is imagining that he still has an egg left, but that that fish doesn’t actually exist.

E: Oh fuck.

W: And that Dory joins him, and he sees, we’re actually not looking for anyone, but because he has memory issues, he constantly forgets that they’re not looking for anyone. So, they’re actually looking for nobody. And I saw that online and I was like.

E: Damn, so all the eggs are eaten, but he imagines that someone still has to be there.

W: Yes, something to keep living for.

E: Fuck man, that’s very brutal. That’s very fucked up.

W: Sorry to everyone for who Nemo is ruined now.

E: There’s a similar theory about Phineas and Ferb, and then Candice, their sister, is based on a true story about a girl that lost her brothers and still imagines that they're still doing stuff in the garden. And she keeps telling her mom: "Look, look, they are still here, they’re doing that." And that the mom says: "They’re not there." And that’s why she can never see that. You get it? Brutal right?

W: My whole childhood is ruined. Fucking hell.

E: That’s going to be the title of this podcast.

W: Childhood ruined.

E: We’re ruining your childhood.

42:17

W: We’re ruining your childhood. No but that’s good because, thankfully, I have a half-sister, but I say sister because I think half-sister is an ugly word, of seven years old. She thinks she’s 16. She’s a real diva.

E: Oh wow, okay.

W: She’s very, I’ll tell you a story later, but the thing is, I experience all those things with her again. In the beginning it was like, turning the tv on, Bumba, again. And I could secretly watch with her without feeling guilty. I was like, I’m watching Bumba and secretly I’m enjoying it, but sssh, I’m just watching it with my sister.

E: That exactly.

W: And now it’s Ketnet, like Hoodie, those series that she’s watching. And yes, I notice that because of all the technology today, she has an iPad, she’s on YouTube, she’s watching those self-made crafts.

E: 7 years old?

W: 7 years old, yes.

E: Wow.

W: She watches those- where people are playing with Barbies and they make a little play with them online on YouTube and they do stuff. Yes, a tablet. She has an iPad that’s bigger than her head. That makes me think- well, an iPad is usually bigger than everyone’s head. Or well, almost.

E: Not if you have a mini of course.

W: Her head isn’t that big.

E: Okay.

W: She’s on it a lot though. But she’s a real diva. I think the best story I have, there’s multiple. I remember the story, we were sitting at the table and she was having another moment of "I’m the princess, and everyone can leave because I do what I want and fuck you all". But the thing is, there’s five kids at home. I have a brother and two stepbrothers. So, she has four brothers, and she knows very well that she has four brothers. And that makes her feel even more like she’s the princess at home. So, we were sitting at the table. And she kept staring at my dad like this while throwing her cutlery on the ground. Like "what are you going to do". And my dad was like: "Liv," because her name is Liv by the way, "stop that."

E: That wasn’t nice of Liv. (Liv sounds the same as lief which means nice in Dutch.)

W: No. Not nice of-

E: Haha. Sorry.

W: Badam pam ts. Can’t we put that under here. Yes.

E: No, sorry, keep going.

W: So, he was like: "Liv, stop that, stop that." He started to get annoyed, because she kept going. "Liv, what is so hard to understand about no." And then it got silent at the table so I thought, okay, it’s done. The o.

E: Oh wow.

W: 7 years old and she drops that.

E: Oh wow.

W: And I thought, okay.

E: Damn bro.

W: The o. That she even dares to say that. Yeah, and she has those moments. She was sitting at the table, with her mask on, eating. So, she pulled her mask down to eat, and then she was chewing with her mask on. And then I asked: "Liv, why are you wearing your mask?" "Yes, you came back from Ghent, you’re not in my bubble."

E: Okay, okay.

W: So, then I said: "Okay, that’s fine." It’s crazy how that goes around among young children. Because my sister came back home from school crying once. And I asked her: ‘Liv, what’s wrong?’ "Yes, my friends didn’t let me play with them." So, I was like: "Why?" "Margot says I’m not allowed in her bubble."

E: Oh wow.

W: See, that’s becoming the new- we played with Pokémon cards on the playground and now it’s about playing games in bubbles because it’s so-

E: Damn.

W: Yes, you’re only allowed to have four people in your bubble so we don’t play with more than four.

E: Oh wow.

W: So I found that kind of crazy, or confronting that it made me think like, even at such a young age it has an impact. And I know that the-

E: That it leaves an impression.

W: Yes, and I know that my dad-

E: It’s sad that children have to think about it.

W: Yes, exactly.

E: Well, it’s not that- everyone should think about it of course.

W: Yes, yes, of course. It’s also that I know the way my dad feels about raising, that he tells Liv straight up about things that are happening in the world. He doesn’t make things seem nicer, or saying, eh, yes, no, but that’s- The classic story of how babies are made, with the cauliflowers, and what not.

E: I also just think-

W: How am I going to explain that to my kids?

E: If you don’t make it a taboo to start with, is it that bad? It’s just- it’s just. Oh well, that’s a whole other conversation.

W: Yes, no, definitely.

E: But straight up just telling what’s going on to your kids. I think I would prefer that to making up a story about the flowers and the bees.

W: Yes, yes.

E: Because the story about the flowers and the bees, I don’t even know how you actually- pollinating and stuff, is that what that means?

W: You do it like this, pollinating.

E: Yes, no, exactly.

W: Yes, but well, children, that’s still a long time from now.

E: Do you want kids, you think, later?

W: Yes, please.

E: Do you think you would be a good father?

W: I hope I would be a good father. Despite my parents’ divorce, I really do… I do look up to my parents. I’m proud of the way they raised me. So yeah if I would be a good father… sometimes, but maybe that’s the age, kids frustrate me. I’m a leader in the scouts for the Welpen and Welpen -great guys- but they can also be annoying and say “I’m not participating” and “that’s a stupid game, can we do something else?” and I’m like “we invest so much time in this and so much preparation, please participate” so sometimes that bothers me. But I would prefer not to have just one (child). Certainly more than one because… are you an only child?

E: No I have a little brother.

W: Yeah only child… with all due respect to people who are only children but sometimes I think… for example, I’m very happy that I have a brother. Not that it wouldn’t be fun without a brother per se, but I don’t know, the contact I have with my brother is nice.

E: The thing is, you don’t know what you’re missing so it’s hard to miss it I guess. But I do think that my brother has been a great added value to my life.

W: Yeah, yeah.

E: In the same way, I never really had grandparents. They all died before I was born and the grandfather I did have was quite old when I was actually aware that I had a grandfather. So I’ve never really had the grandparents experience that you see with family gatherings and stuff. But I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything but I still know how much other people benefit from having grandparents. Also what you just said about how often you call each other and stuff. I think that’s the same with being an only child. If you don’t have any brothers or sisters, you don’t know what it’s like to have that, what you’re missing. But if you do have it, it’s an added value I think.

W: Yes, exactly. No that’s true. My brother is very helpful to me now. I know that I can count on him.

E: Older or younger by the way?

W: Older.

E: A lot older?

W: 21.

E: 21.

W: Oh boy I had to think about how old my brother is. Embarrassing. Love you man. No but we had - maybe you had that too – but when we were younger, we really fought.

E: Physical?

W: Real fighting. Yeah, it’s has now gotten much better. I think we understand each other a lot better, but it used to be real… we had Catch WW on the Wii and we reenacted that on the couch so that was… “In the right corner Ramy Stereo” and we were bare-chested and both had one boxing glove on and fighting each other until one of us cried, bled or gave up. Usually it was me.

E: That’s just the fate of the little brother.

W: I always went… I’ve never admitted that actually, [whispers] it’s a confession. I’ve never admitted it, but afterwards I always went to my parents and cried “Kwinten hurt me”.

E: That’s really… that’s the moment, you feel it coming and you think “ah fuck no, if I hit again it’s probably over but I want to…” [cross-talk] “no no no don’t tell mom! Don’t tell mom!” I think I was a pretty nice big brother. We often did shit together. We were at home playing on the couch together and Olaf bumps into a large box that was standing there and the box, bigger than Olaf back then, fell down on his hand.

W: Oh shit.

E: So Olaf broke his hand. And I thought “I made him jump over those chairs” and then you have to say “sorry sorry don’t tell them, don’t tell them!” but yeah if your hand is fucking broken, you’re not gonna stop crying because your big brother says “don’t cry”. Yeah, that are…

W: Yes, but the relationship [between Willem and his brother] has improved. Okay we still have our discussions but... I think moments like when we’ve both been to a pub or something and we come home at the same time and we’re always hungry and standing in the kitchen making sandwiches. Those are great moments. I don’t necessarily need to have emotionally heavy of deep conversations with my brother to know that he’s there and that I can have a good time with him. So I think that’s the added value of having a brother or brothers in general.

E: Do you guys also have a specific sense of humor? Or like those moments when the two of you are laughing and your parents or people around you think “what the fuck is going on?”

W: Yeah we speak some slang to each other for fun. Like “stu stu” and [my slang knowledge is very limited so I have no idea what he’s saying here lol], those kinds of things. Typical slang from Brussels and Leuven. It’s funny because my parents are always like “why are you talking to each other like that?” and recently, I was leaving and my mom said “stu stu!” so they are adopting those words and then my brother and I can’t stop laughing.

E: Also if your mom suddenly says “are we going to chill later?” and I’m like [laughing] “what? Mom!”

W: “Okay??”

E: It’s kind of cute. Yeah it’s fun. And what are… I almost want to go deep like…

W: That’s okay.

E: Is there a particular interaction or experience you’ve had with your brother that sums up your relationship right now? Or are those the moments when you’re laughing and eating at night? It doesn’t have to be a super deep or emotional moment.

W: I think it’s an accumulation of those moments and emotional moments too. For example, after it was over with my ex. I was really down back then, it hit me pretty hard. Those are the moments when I can walk into my brother’s room in the middle of the night and he’s there for me. I know that dude is always going to be there when something’s wrong, no matter how much we argue or how much we shit at each other. I just know, and I hope he does too, that I can call him 24/7, walk into his room 24/7 and he will be there or ready to listen. I think that’s just something… the fact that we know that about each other, that creates that bond. And the thing is, if only he would do his best and go to work, earn real money… because we went on holiday together and he still hasn’t… he still has some work to do but we’ve already planned something. I’m really looking forward to it. We’re planning to go surfing in Portugal together. Those are moments I just know I can go somewhere with him and have the time of my life without-

E: …That you can remember for the rest of your life what you did together.

W: Yeah, absolutely. Those moments that I want to cherish or want to keep or experience.

E: My little brother is also just the most annoying dude on this planet who I love the most.

W: Exactly that combination. Annoying, but you love them.

E: Of course. The cameras are back on. That means we’ve been at it for over 50 minutes.

W: 50 minutes? It feels like we’re chatting for 20 minutes.

E: Exactly.

W: Pleasant.

E: That’s good. If it’s pleasant and the stress is gone.

W: Do you actually like me? “No I hate you. We’re going to finish. It has been good.”

55:29

E: No we’re not going to finish yet, but before we do, is there anything you’d like to send out into the world before we finish? On average there are 10 to 50 people watching. Is there anything you want to say to them?

W: To the 10 to 50 people?

E: Yes.

W: 10 to 50 people, you are awesome. No, what I’m saying… maybe a little deep but it doesn’t matter. Very often in your life you are going to encounter that you run into a wall, that you’re going to have setbacks, that you think “I don’t want to anymore, I can’t to this anymore, life is all one big shit show” but I think that there is a certain… at least I believe that – everyone has their own opinion of course- that a certain path has been mapped out for everyone. Not necessarily that things are set in stone but there is a road that you are going to take and that road is going to have curves, is going to have hills, is going to have valleys, is going to have everything. Maybe it’s a gravel path, maybe rocks you stumble over but -it sounds a bit stupid- put on your best walking shoes and just walk that path the best way you can. Just try to live life with complete joy and euphoria because you’re 100% worth it. No matter what other people say or think about your ideology or style or way of life. Everyone is entitled to it or should be given the opportunity to be appreciated for who they are. I think that’s something we do too little in this society, but yeah.

E: Just don’t be too hard on yourself in the end?

W: Yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself. A lot of people blame themselves too much. Or “oh I’m like that and I don’t fit in because of that” or something. Then I think: so be it.

E: Do you sometimes feel that you should do more or have achieved more at this age? Of course you’re already doing a lot of cool shit but social media, I know there is a highlight reel of all people’s achievements and that sometimes it’s very difficult to filter between what is real and how much is that person actually sitting on the couch doing nothing. Do you sometimes feel that because of social media of because of your environment or I don’t know, that you’re not doing enough?

W: Gosh, sometimes I think my life is too full.

E: Too full?

W: Not that I’m saying “oh I have so many things to do” but I’m like... I’m letting that grow organically or so.

E: Not putting too much pressure on yourself?

W: Not putting too much pressure on yourself. I’m doing a course now that I’d like to finish because I’ve had those two projects and there are friends of mine who say “why are you still studying? You’ve had your opportunity, you’re going to get new opportunities right?” and I say “hey! I’m also only 19”. Sometimes I think “fuck Willem you should have achieved more already” but I also think I’m only 19. There was a conversation at school… I really think that’s one of the added values of the course. We receive an observation report twice a year, 5 pages where the teacher writes about you and how they see you, what they think about you, what your qualities are, what you still need to work on. It’s always spot on. So strange how they can just see right through you, even though I sometimes try to hide it. Yeah, where was I going with this… we had subsequent conversation about it and I said to my teacher “sometimes I feel like I’m too young for this course” that I have too little life experience. There are people in my class who are in their 20s or older, who have already studied something else before this, have read a lot more, seen a lot more than me, a lot more experience and I think “fuck, I don’t have anything”. People talk about certain topics and I don’t follow at all. I mentioned that I felt too young and she [the teacher] said “you’re young, but that also has its advantages. Your youthfulness can actually be an interesting tool in this course and look at it from a different perspective”. So I’m convinced: don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t think “whew, I’m already 20 and I haven’t achieved anything yet” so to speak. I even saw a video recently where… “if you don’t make it in your 20s, you might make it in your 30s and if you don’t make it in your 30s, you might make it in your 40s”. There are so many… there really are a lot of people… people often forget that there are people who only find out what they want to do or discover their passion later in life.

E: And also just… I think it’s so ridiculous that you set certain goals for a certain age or something. That it’s so expected that by 18 you must have completed high school and by 25 you must have had your first job interview, by 28/30 you must have a house and a serious relationship where you’re committed to for the rest of your life and by 40 you must have already had a promotion, that you can provide for yourself and fix your pension. All those fucking predetermined milestones. I think that’s kind of bullshit, you know?

W: Absolutely.

E: If that were the case, then I should graduate in a few years so to speak while I’m clearly not studying here because I have – fuck normally I have a re-exam today. And here we are.

W: Here we are.

E: I knew I was doing this but I mean that’s just… there’s so much time. I’m 22 now and I’m doing some shit, if I go nuts now or people don’t want to listen to this podcast anymore, don’t want to see what I do online, okay then I have to look elsewhere. But I did this and I went for it and I tried. I’m 22. Even if I go nuts now and it’s all gone, I’m only 22. There are still so many ways it could go. A lot of people don’t have a job at 22. If I started looking for a new job or something now, hopefully I’ll have one by 25. Then it’s still okay because I’m only 25. I don’t know, I always find that… I could go on for a long time about this. I think those predetermined milestones/goals of things that you must have achieved by a certain age, I just think it’s bullshit.

W: I sometimes make the comparison that people too often see life as the sports world. Football players who are good until 35 and then they are done. As if you must have already performed before that age. That’s not how it works. You really have all the time and you really don’t have to stress. I also notice that many people… you mentioned re-exams. That people say “fuck I have re-exams, oh no I’m not going to pass, oh no you have extra…” chill. You do your best, but suppose you have to repeat a year, that’s not a disaster either, is it?

E: What I also think is crazy is how many people have studied law and you eventually hear that they ended up in a marketing agency because they found it much more interesting. When I talk to some people who… I was seeing a social media manager recently [laughs] “seeing”, I was talking to him.

W: “seeing” okay [laughs].

E: I was talking to him.

W: [joking] Ender has something to say.

E: And I asked “what did you study?” and he said biochemistry. “How the fuck did you end up here?” Him: “uh yeah that just wasn’t the right fit for me. I have a master’s degree but I started working here because I found it much more interesting”. I thought: why am I pretending that the degree I’m trying to get is going to determine the rest of my life, you know?

W: Absolutely.

E: If there are so many people now… because he was only 28 or something. So I thought “aah okay so you’ve been studying biochemistry for so many years and now you’re here – I don’t know if I’m talking about the correct position – but now you’re just sitting here making content. Cool. But why do I attach so much importance to that one direction I’m studying right now that doesn’t even have anything to do with media or anything. I mean I’m very interested in media, I’m studying economics. Which is also interesting, but that’s not what I see myself doing in the coming years.

W: Yeah, yeah.

E: Anyway enough about me. Do you think you could win in a fight against a cow?

W: [laughs] I really like that. You can switch to totally different shit like that. Like before you suddenly asked what color fish do you want to be. Okay. That’s nice. Win… I’ve heard if you knock over a cow it dies. That it has a heart attack then. We don’t want to kill cows okay!

E: And purely hypothetical, you’re just standing in a kind of meadow so it’s not super big so you can’t go in all directions. There is a limited domain. You come face to face with that cow and you have to begin. No weapons. You’re standing there and the cow stands there and you both know you’re going to fight.

W: It knows that too?

E: It knows that too.

W: [makes mooing noises] okay ca va.

E: It’s not a bull but it does have horns so in fact it would-

W: I would shit my pants. I’d give up already. I would lie on the ground, come on. Really crazy, I saw Jackass recently. Those guys, that Wee Man, who was in that link with the bull and he’s being catapulted, so to speak.

E: I don’t understand how those guys aren’t all dead yet.

W: Yeah they are really crazy.

E: There was also a rumor that Wee Man died from a bowling ball during… but apparently that wasn’t true.

W: I don’t know.

E: Fucked up shit. Would you win against a cow?

W: Would I win against a cow? No, I wouldn’t win against a cow. I don’t think I would win against a cow.

E: I think I would. I think just like with a bull I would try to jump out of the way like that and once you’re on the side it’s just a matter of pushing. If what you said is true, it’s game over when it’s down and you know, that’s your tactic.

W: But the thing is, a cow is heavy, isn’t it?

E: True.

W: You can’t just push it over like that, can you?

E: Sure, but it’s a matter of life or death, isn’t it? The adrenaline rush. You have to image, a cow just comes running towards you. The adrenaline that goes through your body. You shouldn’t underestimate the power you have then.

W: Just find the best patch of grass and when it’s there, sneaky knife in the back. No, now people are going to think I’m that kind of person.

E: That you’re just a snake.

W: Snake. Definitely and I admit it. No, that would be fucked up.

E: I’m going to do one more thing that’s important. I’m going to find a Twitter shout out and in the meantime, I already asked you what your message is to the world and that was a beautiful message. Got something more banal that you’d like to share? Something that you want to share from your social media or something?

W: What do you mean from social media?

E: Where they can follow you. You can say something if you have a really good video that you want to share. “Check me everywhere”.

W: No I don’t have… people should do what they feel like doing. Do you think I’m cool, do you think I’m fun, follow me on Insta. No really doesn’t matter. Doesn’t really matter.

E: Alright, I’m just going to scroll and you say stop. I’ll go back and forth and you have to say “yes that’s the one who gets to have this week’s shout out”.

W: Exciting huh. Stop.

E: [reads twitter account] M. Verschuren.

W: M. Verscheure.

E: Is that…

W: [reads quote] “If you were never sad, you wouldn’t know you could be happy”.

E: Wow. Damn bro.

W: I’m going to edit my quote.

E: “If you were never sad, you wouldn’t know you could be happy”. Wow. If you didn’t have shitty days, you wouldn’t know what the best days of your life were.

W: Exactly. But what if you get stuck in your shitty days for the rest of your life?

E: That won’t happen. That’s my biggest fear.

W: Me too.

E: Looking back at your life and thinking-

W: …Fuck I’ve never been there again.

E: …That’s where I peeked. Hope that doesn’t happen. Anyway M. Verscheure thank you very much for listening, I really appreciate it. You as well, I think?

W: Absolutely, absolutely. How much were you going to pay me?

E: 50 euro.

W: Then I’ll come… awesome. Super cool.

E: Thank you so much to everyone who listened. I appreciate it. If you want to hear more you can always subscribe to this channel. It’s also good for my ego. I’ll just put your Instagram link in the description, for people who are interested. Okay, that was it.

W: Thanks, it was fun.

E: There’s an audio only episode on Spotify every Sunday and the video comes out on Monday. That’s it. See you next Monday. Or Sunday. Peace.

[binxyu]

Jungkook was meant to be just a guilty pleasure. Not your guilty pleasure, but a guilty pleasure. You knew never to fall in love with a man that thought loyalty was showing up on time. He was everything you never needed, but here you were. Your fingers pressed on the trigger that would start the flame of pain.

>>Pairing: Jeon Jungkook (dom) x fem!reader (sub) | fuckboy!jk x witch!reader

>>Word Count: 7.5k

>>Genre: Mini Series / Smut & Angst

>>Warnings/Kinks: Arguments, breast play, creampie, cum play, disloyalty, degrading, exhibitionism, fingering, hair pulling, marking, oral (receiving), praise, unprotected sex, and witchcraft

Jungkook was too beautiful for his own good.

From his pouty lips and sharp jaw line to his starry eyes. The man was perfection.

Even you had fallen for him, a woman that stopped believing in love.

But, all you could do now was remember the times you had together as the fire slowly burns in front of you.

As your love for Jeon Jungkook disappeared into nothingness.

Your fingers typed away at the keyboard, writing the second of three essays you had due. It was nearing the end of the semester and, while you were ecstatic at the mere thought of summer vacation, the stress of exams was looming over you.

“Can you look over this paragraph for me?”, you peeked up over your laptop and nodded, moving your own device out of the way to make room for Namjoon’s. Kim Namjoon was a journalist in the making, a man that knew exactly how to put events into words. He was quite different from you, but study sessions together were always eventful. You were the perfect person to correct his grammar mistakes or to help add detail to his work and he was the perfect person to help explain a certain historical detail you may have missed.

Studying religions was what you had decided was your interest considering your unique practice. You enjoyed learning about the beliefs of people centuries ago but the facts could get scrambled in your brain and that’s where Namjoon came in. He almost seemed to have a never ending timeline in his brain.

“I’d add more emphasize on Jungkook. He did beat the record after all”, you quickly realized when you read the paragraph that he was writing for the school paper again. Despite your attempts to persuade the man that he could do much better with his time, he continued to write for it.

“That’s true. Wait, how did you know about that?”, you let out an amicable chuckle. Of course Namjoon would assume you did not know. Just because you despised sports did not mean you were deaf. The whole school had been talking about the student since the track meet. While you couldn’t remember the exact record he beat, it was still a record.

“People talk”, you shrugged and Namjoon nodded. It was peaceful for a moment as you went back to typing, managing to push aside your emerging migraine. Your body was begging for a good nap, but you had to get this done. You were, among less appealing qualities, a hard worker. Perhaps it was due to the pressure put on you as a child or maybe it was because that diploma was just out of reach. Either way, nothing was going to get in the way of your future.

And, like the biggest fuck you from the universe, Jeon Jungkook walks in.

Yet, you hadn’t realized and kept typing until Namjoon cursed loudly, drawing you out of your world.

“Are you okay?”, your voice was soft before your eyes met the issue. Oh, poor clumsy Namjoon.

He had spilt his coffee all over his shirt, staining the freshly new white blouse he had worn. You couldn’t help but laugh as you dug in your bag for a napkin.

“Don’t bother, it’s too much for a napkin. I’ll go to the restroom. Be right back”, you gave him a brief nod and a thumbs up. Still, you got up with your little pack of napkins and tried to clean up the remaining coffee staining into the table. The librarian is sure to kill you both if it does end up staining the wood. Standing back to examine your work, you almost screamed.

Standing by your laptop was a tall figure with the most sinister smirk you’ve ever seen.

Jeon fucking Jungkook spilt your coffee all over your notes and laptop.

Your mouth hung open for a moment before fury overtook the shock. You stomped up to the broadly built man and yes you didn’t believe in violence as a solution but all you wanted to do was slap the smirk right off his gorgeous face.

“Why did you do that?”, you also wanted to yell but the librarian was already eyeing the table and you couldn’t draw attention to the mess.

“Because I like to watch you suffer, sourpuss”, how have you not killed the man in front of you? You had no idea. Because that name infuriated you.

You knew it was the student’s way of messing with you, wanting to strike that minuscule nerve inside of you. No one else believed you could get angry but Jungkook knew you could. Mostly because he had caused that anger.

“And why is that? Because Jimin told you another lie about me?”, Jeon Jungkook was so impossibly similar to Park Jimin that it was uncanny who he had learned his traits from. Truth be told, you had the smallest crush on the man in front of you during freshmen year. He was so affectionate, caring, and friendly back then.

But, instead of ending up with the sweet heartthrob, you had ended up with Jimin for that year and the next.

Starting out, he was simply a popular boy and loved you with his whole heart. But, time went by and his true colors shun through like the sunlight through your irritatingly useless blinds. He was a playboy. An awfully good one at that for you to have never noticed the extra pairs of undergarments that laid on his floor when you slept over at his dorm.

He cheated, but he blamed it all on you and even Jeon Jungkook hates your guts because you were sure Jimin had told him exactly what he had told most of your friends. That you had broken his heart with your “horrifying” witchcraft and that you were dangerous. It explained why so many students asked to see your devil shrine the next day or tried to barge into your dorm to look at what Jimin talked about.

The most ironic thing was that you had never used magick around the man and you barely used it to begin with. You supposed it was for good reason considering that happened the first time you told someone about it.

“Jimin doesn’t lie. He’s never lied to me and I’m sure you’re well aware of what you did”, his finger jabbed harshly above your breast, just slightly lower than your collarbone. Among many things, Jungkook was dense and forgetful. You noticed that quickly when you started spotted reminders written on his fingers or palm. Just like the little note saying “library 7pm” was written on the finger jabbing you.

Unless the track star had another reason to be in the library he never visited, he wrote that down just to catch you in time.

“Tell me, Jeon. What did I do?”, you tilted your head and moved away from him, realizing the coffee was now leaking onto the floor. You desperately wished Namjoon would hurry up and get back to help you.

“You broke his heart. Using magick or something”, you bit your lips in annoyance and turned around to face him.

“Or something? Jungkook, I never did anything to Jimin. I know you won’t believe it because you look up to him like some god, but he cheated on me. He broke my heart”, you jabbed back, hitting the same spot he hit you, “and, if you haven’t noticed, Jimin doesn’t seem heartbroken, does he?”. If he dared to say yes you may have to use that horrifying magick Jimin lied about because your ex was anything but heartbroken. He was with a new woman almost every night and, even with this knowledge, they lined up to be with him. Who could deny the charming Park Jimin?

Finally, Jungkook shook his head, his curly black hair bouncing as he did the movement. If he wasn’t such a nuisance, you might’ve wished you could run your fingers through it. It looked so fluffy.

“Then, leave me alone. It’s been years of your torment and I’m tired of it”, you sighed and slung your bag over your shoulder after shoving your slightly wet laptop into it, walking out of the library after sending a text to Namjoon that you had felt bad because no one really knew about your fights with Jungkook and Namjoon would surely try to beat his ass if he found out about it.

Leaving the coffee on the table was a bold move but a part of you hoped that the asshole would clean it up. It was his mess after all. Not your’s.

“You’re coming to the track meet, right?”, the voice startled you and you sat up on your bed, making direct eye contact with Kim Taehyung. The only guy with a key to your dorm.

“Tae, I love you but you know I do not do sports”, you grumbled and flopped back onto your bed. Your classes had you beat and the need for a nap was too great to give up. Even if it was for your best friend.

“I know but it would mean so much if you were there”, don’t do it. Don’t do it.

You did it.

You made direct eye contact with those big puppy eyes Taehyung always used to get his way. You had fallen victim once again.

Which was why you had ended up in the cold, shivering as you watched the team run around the track for what felt like an eternity.

Taehyung had done great considering he barely moved before the season but who really stood out was Jungkook. His back muscles were only moments away from ripping through the flimsy shirt he was wearing and sweat was coating his hair. He was aware of how good he looked. He always was. He even was ballsy enough to wink at one of the girls screaming his name in the crowd.

Thankfully, the pleasant bliss that was drinking kept your mind off how irritated you were. You had snuck in a beer to drink (not that everyone else didn’t) and the alcohol loosened you up a bit.

After the meet was over, a sweaty Taehyung was clinging to you like a massive koala. He was high off adrenaline and couldn’t decide whether he wanted to cuddle or jump around.

“Tae, take this before you pass out on top of me”, you handed him a water and he gratefully took it, still leaning against you as he chugged down the drink.

Taehyung and you were polar opposites. He was an athlete, quite dorky, a great singer, and was overly optimistic. You, on the other hand, liked to keep to yourself, was not the best of singers, and always stuck to the reality of things. Even if you could manipulate that reality the tiniest bit.

“Let’s get you home”, you let the man lean his weight on you tiredly as you started to walk towards the exit of the field.

“Sourpuss, I need to talk to you”, that voice was definitely not the one you needed to hear when you were this tired and already agitated. What does a girl have to do to spend time in her bed?

“I’m a little busy if you haven’t realized”, you gestured to Taehyung, who was breathing directly on your neck and nuzzling his nose against the skin. It wasn’t an odd gesture considering your close friendship but his face was so cold it send goosebumps down your spine.

“I’ll help”, Jungkook offered, quickly coming to your rescue by crouching down and getting Tae on his back. The man grumbled but was happy to take the ride considering it was less soreness for his legs to endure the next day.

The Jeon Jungkook helping? What a trip.

“What do you want?”, you winced at how rude it sounded. Sure, Jungkook most definitely deserves said rudeness, but he was helping you.

“I’m sorry”, you legitimately thought you were hearing things and turned your head to look at him, stopping in your tracks.

“Can you say that again? I don’t think I heard you correctly”, the athlete groaned before turning to look at you, frustration evident on his face.

“I’m sorry. You were right about Jimin. He’s been talking shit behind my back for months and I had no idea”, if it wasn’t for your “told you so” attitude, you would’ve felt sorry for him. Jimin was one of his closest friends after all.

“Hate to say I told you so but”, he glared at you to shut up and you quickly did. His glare was so cold that a shiver went up your spine.

“Sorry, it was a joke. Jimin is really manipulative so don’t let him bring you down”, you reassured him, even bringing your hand up to pat his shoulder. By the way he flinched away, you would’ve assumed your hand was made of lava.

Noted. Jungkook hates being touched.

“I assumed so much about you and that was immature of me”, the man smiled softly at you. It felt like arrows pierced your heart. He had such a cute smile for an asshole. Like a bunny.

“It’s fine. Lots of people assume things about me”, you shrugged as you both started walking again, Taehyung looking down at you to make sure you’re okay. He was like your protective older brother and you couldn’t be more thankful to have him around.

“But they shouldn’t. So what if you follow a different religion? It doesn’t mean you’re evil”, that was probably the first time someone agreed with your practices besides Taehyung and Namjoon (mostly because he understood it better than others).

“Thank you for saying that. It means a lot”, you finally smiled back at him, sending his heart right into his chest as his heartbeat picked up. Needless to say, he adored your smile.

“I hate to ask this of you but could you tutor me on Epidemiology? I regret ever taking it and I’ll pay you”, you were wide-eyed with shock to say the least. You didn’t expect Jungkook to go out of his way to learn. Especially, not with you.

“Sure, you can join Namjoon and I in the morning”, you nodded before you saw the way Jungkook’s nose crinkled up in displeasure.

“What? What’s wrong with that?”, he sighed in response to the question as you both reached your dorm building. You’d just let Tae stay with you for the night.

“Namjoon hates my guts. We’re way too different. Besides, aren’t you two dating? I don’t want to be some third wheel”, Jungkook almost sounded disgusted at the idea, probably imagining you making out with Namjoon in front of him.

“I’m not dating him. He’s just the only other intelligent male I can tolerate”, he seemed to relax once you finished speaking but there was still tenseness evident in his shoulders which wasn’t due to the large man on his back.

“I still don’t get along with him despite the fact that he writes about me all the time. He once yelled at me for cheating and wrote an article about it”, that was a slap right to your face. Right, Jungkook was a player and he could throw your feelings aside like one of his cigarettes. Do not get attached.

“Well, don’t cheat”, you said because, let’s be real, it’s the truth. You unlocked the door and helped Taehyung off of his back.

“Bye Koo, thanks again”, your words were quick and you kicked the door closed with your shoe, your hands full thanks to the oversized man child clinging onto you.

Koo. He liked that.

Weeks had ticked by and, somehow, Jungkook had managed to get your number. Honestly, Namjoon probably slipped it out or Taehyung gave it to him. According to Tae, the man had been oddly friendly to him and they were (borderline) friends now. They played video games together, practiced together, and even barged into your place for snacks together.

Great. Now you had two man-children to take care of and feed. It was definitely taking a chunk out of your paycheck each week to get extra snacks for the two. They ate like starving animals whenever they came over. A small part of you even thought it was just to piss you off even more.

Jungkook finally managed to get you to agree for a tutoring session with him. Just one. If this one went well then maybe you would agree to more.

The only sad thing about the session was that it was scheduled to happen right after your last class on Friday in your previous dorm. The dorm you had just finished cleaning up since the last time the two adult toddlers had destroyed it.

Surprisingly, when you had woken up one morning, Jungkook was still there. You assumed he and Tae were too drunk to get back to their own dorms and had decided to just sleepover at your’s. It was quite annoying if you were to be honest, but the way Koo looked actually interested in your religion was enticing.

He didn’t look scared or disgusted when he looked at your little collection of crystals on your desk or the jar resting on your end table sealed with candle wax. If anything, he actually looked amused or even impressed.

“I’ll pick you up after class. I can’t believe you don’t drive and walk to your dorm every day”, Jungkook shook his head as he walked beside you. Coincidentally, your last classes were next to each other but you were shocked to hear him offer to give you a ride.

“Don’t judge me, Mr. Playboy. I just have a fear of hitting someone. Have you seen the lunatics at this campus? They will run out into traffic for fun”, the man chuckled wholeheartedly at the pout on your lips. Plus, your joke was actually pretty accurate. Even he had almost hit a drunk idiot when trying to get back to his dorm late one night.

“Okay, that’s fair. So, you okay with me driving you?”, you nodded cautiously. While Jungkook was guaranteed to know every path to your dorm by now, you were still guarded. Being in that tight of a space with him was going to be difficult.

No, you don’t get those so-called “butterflies” when you were with him. Honestly, those butterflies were typically a bad sign to you. Feeling sick because you loved someone sounded a bit odd and almost contradictory.

You actually found yourself with more powerful emotions than anything. If Jungkook made you angry, you were angry. If he made you happy, you were happy.

Everything just felt so much stronger when you were around him. Thankfully, he almost always made you happy. He made you laugh because, once he discovered that beautiful sound, he couldn’t get enough.

So, after your class, you met him out in the hall and he walked you to his car. Now you realized how such an undetermined man got into college.

He was filthy rich.

Sitting there in the parking spot was a brand new Mercedes Benz. Its black color almost matched the distinct leather jacket that he decided to wear today. It very much screamed Jeon Jungkook.

However, it did not scream you whatsoever. You were almost afraid to get near it.

“Hop in. My grade isn’t getting any lower”, he opened the door for you and you weren’t sure if it was because you were friends, or whatever the fuck you two were, or if it was because he wanted a discount.

That’s not fucking happening. He’s already stolen plenty of money through snacks from your cabinets.

Meekly, you got into the vehicle, immediately buckling your seatbelt as if it was going to hurl itself into motion at any moment. Jungkook shut the door and went around to get into the drivers’ seat. Apparently he trusted his own driving so much that he never wore a seatbelt (Namjoon would’ve had a stroke if he was told that) and he drove with one hand (scratch that- make it two strokes).

Despite those things, he was an actual good driver. You felt safe and he drove the speed limit. Maybe it was just because you were in the car with him?

Getting out of the luxurious leather seats proved to be a hassle considering you knew your seats in your dorm were no where near as comfortable. You could sleep in that passenger seat without a care in the world compared to your own bed. Still, you forced yourself to get out and you two went up to your dorm. Jungkook is way too familiar with the place now considering he barely talks to you. It’s your place and, yet, he comes here for Tae.

“Alright, what unit do you need help on?”, you asked softly as you took the needed supplies out of your bag. You actually already took Epidemiology. It had nothing to do with your major but it was interesting to you. Who wouldn’t want to learn about the science of the world’s biggest killer: disease?

Jungkook simply looked at you, blinking a few times and pressing his tongue into his cheek in that nervous habit you realized he had.

“Oh- for fucks sake, Koo”, you grumbled as you realized how long of a process this was going to be.

It had been months since you began tutoring the student and, finally, there was progress.

Standing proudly with his shoulders back was Jeon Jungkook holding a test with a big number ‘92’ on it in red ink. Your heart swelled with pride.

“I passed! This was the exam review test so I’ll pass the exam, right?”, you smiled brightly as you looked at his excited eyes. You never thought Jungkook would ever be excited over passing a class but you can’t judge people by their covers, right?

“Yeah! Just keep up with the studying and you got it”, you nodded quickly, looking away from his puppy eyes when you felt happiness engulf you like a fire.

Ironically, you were actually playing with fire. Your hand tugged on the trigger and a flame flickered from the end of your lighter. You brought it down and lit the candle in front of you. To be honest, you were a bit of a goodie two shoes but you did break one rule.

No fire in the dorms.

“Hey, I really wanted to thank you. I’m actually passing all my classes now and it fills like my life has purpose again”, woah, didn’t expect that.

“No problem, Koo. Your life always has purpose. What do you mean?”, you looked up from what you were doing, noticing he was leaning against the frame of your door.

“All I did was party and drink. Sure, I was a good athlete but that can only take you so far”, you nodded in understanding and stood up, walking towards him.

He followed your every move like prey waiting for the predator to attack them.

But, instead of an attack, he was met with a warm, genuine, and, all around, great hug.

“Do you think of me as everyone else does?”, you looked up at him, meeting his starry eyes.

Oh, you hated them because of how much you loved them. They held the galaxy within them and you could stare into them for hours if given the chance.

You were many things but, tragically for Jungkook, a liar wasn’t one of them.

“Honestly, I did before. I’ve seen you do some of the things the rumors talk about-“, smoking, cheating, fighting, “but now I know that’s not all you are. There’s more to you, Koo”.

All Jungkook had been able to think about was your words. Sure, he didn’t care about your opinion before but it truly did make him happy to know you thought better of him.

“Jk! Where have you been?”, oh no.

“Jimin? I’ve just been at the gym a lot”, lies. He had been with you a lot.

“Ah, I see. How’s the bet going?”, the shorter man asked, running his fingers through his precisely cut hair. What a born model.

The bet. The bet you had no clue about. The bet Jungkook was too dense to refuse.

“It’s going. She hugged me yesterday”, Jimin scoffed and then chuckled, vastly different sounds that almost made Jungkook double over in fear. Truth be told, he despised Jimin. He despised him because he scared him. The only other man more influential than him was Jimin and that meant Jimin could ruin his reputation in a matter of seconds.

“That’s all? Damn, she really is void of love”, the bet Jimin was referring to was the one he made with the younger at the beginning of the year.

“I bet you can’t make her fall in love with you. She didn’t even love me, Koo! Me! I’m telling you, if you make her fall in love with you then I’ll get you anything you want”.

Time was running out with exams coming up and Jungkook needed to hurry if he was going to win such a bet. But, was it worth it if it meant disappointing you? Jimin may be scary but you made him feel so happy and so proud.

The only time he had seen you disappointed was when Taehyung broke one of your jars, resulting in a mess of coins, herbs, and wax on the floor. That’s the day he decided he never wanted to be on the receiving end of one of those looks.

“Yeah, she’s guarded which is understandable-“, wait- did Jeon Jungkook just grow some balls? “I’d be void of love too if everyone judged me for something I believed in”. He did.

“Where is that coming from? She deserves it, doesn’t she? Come on, JK. Keep that head in the game!”, Jimin patted his head like he was a child with all A’s on his report card, which, for once, was actually true thanks to you.

What game? You? Were you truly just a game to him?

“Alright, I’ve got this”, damn. Maybe you were.

Most nights you found yourself at the library now. It was the only place that was filled with peace and quiet. Especially on a Friday. Not even the librarian was here.

“Guess who”, hands covered your eyes and you would’ve punched the man behind you if you didn’t immediately recognize his husky voice. It was soothing with just the perfect mix of roughness. You couldn’t help but wonder what it sounded like when he just woke up.

“An asshole who thinks it’s okay to sneak up on women in a deserted place”, you grumbled and Jungkook immediately removed his hands.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you”, oh here we go. Argument number two thousand.

“I wasn’t scared. I was just saying that, one, you’re an ass and, two, don’t do that to women”, he nodded in agreement and you thought that was the stopping of an argument. Boy, oh boy, were you wrong.

“I won’t anymore but you’re so weak. I’ve scared you so many times now”, you glared at him. Thanks to months of being by Jungkook’s side, you had become a bit more out of control. The feelings you used to keep caged up were now more out in the open. You cussed more often, even tried drinking (and almost spit it out on him), and your frustration was no longer hidden from the world.

“Jungkook, you are a menace to society and I would like it if you leaved”, it was a pointless threat. You didn’t really mean it. You adored his company but you wouldn’t admit that with a gun to your head.

“Liar, you love me”, shit. Did you? No, don’t ask that. It was just a joke.

Damn you and your overthinking.

“No, I hate you. Shut up”, that was also a useless threat. Jungkook never shut up. He was quite the talker and shutting up was not in his vocabulary.

“No, you hate me. Shut up”, he sat on the table you were previously working on, knowing this would take a while. Your arguments always lasted between thirty minutes to two or three hours. You both hated to back down.

“No, I love you. Shut the fuck up”, wait a second-

“As you wish”, he smirked victoriously and leaned closer, his face so close to your’s that you could smell his musky cologne.

“That was wrong”, you glared at him and he shook his head, “don’t open your mouth aga-“ you were cut off as his lips connected with your’s. He kissed you so intensely that your mind was fogged up, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

Finally, with your brain still hooked on adrenaline, your hands found their way to his cheeks, cupping his well defined face as you kissed back. You could feel him smile into the kiss before he pulled away, leaving a spark traveling down your body. Now, that’s a good feeling.

“Ah, I love when you shut the fuck up”, you were so close to beating him with your bag.

Everything was weird after the kiss. Life wasn’t some fairytale where you both lived happily ever after in some old palace somewhere.

No, you were both actually stuck in that “fuck, what are we?” mess.

Love wasn’t something you could control and that was why you never let it get that far, but, with Jungkook, it felt uncontrollable, spreading like wildfire.

So, you avoided him.

Of course, it wasn’t the most humane or easiest form of dealing with your feelings but it worked.

Well, for a little bit until Koo decided to block you off in the library, cornering you into the back section of the religious books. Oh, how ironic.

“What’s wrong?”, his voice made your knees want to give out. It was early and you assumed he woke up early just to catch you. His attire said that enough from his sweatpants to the tank top hugging his upper body. He obviously just threw something on before he left.

“What are you talking about?”, you tilted your head and tried to act innocent, but, once again, a liar you were not.

“Oh please, you’re obviously pissed off or scared of me or something”, bingo. You were horrified of what you were feeling and, in tune with it, Jungkook.

“I don’t know! Why do you even care? You’re obviously going to pass your exam so what am I needed for anymore?”, you winced at your own words, watching as the man’s usual bright expression turned into a sorrowful one.

“It’s much more than that, y/n”, that was probably one of the first times he had said your name. He usually called you nicknames like princess, sourpuss, or whatever else he came up with depending on his mood.

“Then what is it?”, the stare he gave you made you want to hide further into the corner. It was so predatory that your body was trying to fight its own instincts to run away and avoid the problem. You were always a flight over fight type of girl.

“You”, the one word made your eyebrows furrow, racking your brain for a response or understanding of what he meant. Jungkook shook his head as you watched your face twist in confusion.

“You’re so dense. Why would I kiss you if it wasn’t all for you?”, he leaned closer to you, hand resting on the shelf of the bookcase behind you. You silently thanked the universe that no one else was in there yet.

“Discount?”, it was the first thing you thought of and it caused a low chuckle to rumble out of Jungkook’s chest. He looked up into your eyes and it almost knocked the air out of you.

“Hmm, unless it’s a fuck buddy discount then I don’t think I want it”, he raised an eyebrow cockily and your eyes went wide. Little did Jungkook know that he just complicated your relationship even more.

“And what if I’m okay with making such a discount?”, the student practically groaned at the words, free hand finding its way on your hip, squeezing it. You don’t know where your new found confidence came from but you had gotten rather blunt since hanging out with Jungkook.

“Then I’d say you’re not the person I thought you were”, he hummed, leaning in to whisper in your ear. The way his breath tickled your ear sent sparks through your body.

“Is that what you want? For me to take you here against these books?”, yes you did. Looking around, you were met with many versions of Bible and other holy books of all religions. It was absolutely filthy and wrong to do it there which was why it was perfect.

“Yes, I want that”, your nails dug into the wood behind you, trying to ground your emotions down. It had always been an escape tactic to you.

“How naughty”, now you understood why he had chosen today of all days to corner you. He loved the skirt you were wearing and how easily it gave access to everything delicious underneath. Plus, your legs were perfect to him.

His fingers danced along your thighs before he pushed up your skirt, revealing the black lace panties underneath. Oh, you knew what was going to happen today and you definitely knew Jungkook liked his black.

“So pretty. Just for me?”, the question took you off guard, your own questions flooding your brain. Ultimately, after a few moments of silence, you decided he probably had a possession thing. Who didn’t like to feel powerful?

“Just for you, Koo. Fuck, touch me please”, so you decided to feed his little ego, edging him on until he pulled the panties to the side to reveal your glistening pussy.

The dim light of the library truly didn’t do it justice but he couldn’t help himself from finding it to be also perfect. He was in deep shit now.

His long fingers ran down your slit until they reached their destination: your pussy. He rubbed around it before he slowly plunged his middle finger into the wetness, curling against your walls.

Fuck, you always hated that finger but with it inside of you? Maybe you could make an exception.

Your body shook in response to the stimulation since you hadn’t been touched in so long, your hands gripping the wood tighter to keep yourself steady. Jungkook smirked when you clenched around his finger before he added another, stretching you out wonderfully as he scissored you open.

And that was when Jungkook found his favorite sound in the world.

“Jungkook! Oh god”, you moaning his name sounded like music to his ears and he couldn’t get enough. The only thing he hated was how quiet it was since you were still conscious of the library around you. He wanted you to scream it.

“You like that, princess? You want more?”, you obediently nodded, not in the mood to be denied an orgasm (which you were sure Jungkook would do if you didn’t obey). The man chuckled and leaned down, still pumping his fingers steadily as if it took no effort at all. If you had done this yourself then your fingers would have been cramping by now.

Your body jolted when Jungkook’s plump lips wrapped around your clit, sucking harshly on the nerve as if he was starving. To be fair, he had skipped breakfast.

You feared for the books behind you as your body spasmed, orgasming on the man’s fingers. You took deep breaths once you were finished and watched as Jungkook pulled away, pulling his cum covered fingers out of you.

With prolonged eye contact, he slipped the digits into his mouth and sucked the juices off of them. A new wave of arousal went through you when he tapped your lips with them, making you open your mouth. You gagged briefly when they hit the back of your throat but you sucked on it, licking your way up his middle finger.

“Good girl”, now that was going to haunt you forever. You whined when he pulled his fingers away and he smiled teasingly at you.

“I’m going to need to see these”, your eyes went wide when he gripped the collar of your shirt and ripped it clean down the middle, tossing it aside as if it didn’t cost you a fortune.

“Jeon Jungkook! That was expensive”, you huffed but he paid you no mind, just reaching behind you to remove your bra too so it can join the rest of your clothes.

“What if someone sees? I can’t cover these up quickly, Koo”, you crossed your arms over your chest, looking around cautiously. Jungkook just laughed and pulled your arms away, pinning your wrists above your head so he can press his body against your own.

“Take my shirt off and you can put that over you for the day. It’s fine, sourpuss”, oh you would’ve slapped him if you weren’t so turned on. He let go of your wrists and you quickly removed his shirt for him, revealing a muscular chest you could’ve never imagined.

And he never imagined how beautiful you’d look with your hard nipples pressed against the thin fabric of his white t-shirt. He grabbed them immediately and you failed to see the spark in his eyes as he squished them together.

“That was one of my favorite shirts. What a di-“, you yelped when he pulled your leg up over his shoulder, yanked his pants and boxers down, and pulled your panties aside to rub his angry tip against your folds. Your head rested back as he rubbed against your clit, covering his cock in your juices.

“What a dick indeed”, Jungkook chuckled deeply, arousal blurring his world into nothing but you. The only thing that mattered at that moment was feeling you.

His lips attached to your neck and you were so out of reality that you didn’t realize he was littering the skin with his marks, a silent claim on you as he pushed himself inside of you.

“Oh shit, it’s exactly as I imagined. So tight and warm”, and he was just as you imagined. So very big. You didn’t think anyone else could stretch you out as much as Jeon Jungkook and that thought made you groan.

“You’ve been imagining it?”, it was your turn to smirk and, for the first time ever, the man in front of you blushed.

“Oh please princess. I know you’ve been thinking about it too”, and you had been. Not that you’d ever admit that after he just basically friends with benefits zoned you.

“Just move you asshole”, Jungkook gripped your hair, tugging on the soft strands as he finally kept pushing, bottoming out inside of you perfectly.

His big hands moved to grip your hips, a little help to keep you up as he started to snap his own into your’s. He was mildly uncomfortable at first but, as you adjusted to his size, bliss filled your body.

Finally, you were doing something to make yourself happy and pleased. Maybe Jeon Jungkook wasn’t the best man to do it but he was making you feel so so good.

The man snapped you out of your thoughts as he brought your hand down to your clit. You understood and started to rub it, happy knowing that Jungkook was also looking out for your own pleasure too. Not that you’d know he had been thinking about you creaming on his big cock for months now.

“Keep doing that”, he whispered despite the heavy groan that threatened to come out. He was referring to the uncontrollable clenching you were doing around his dick, sucking him into your walls with each muscle movement. You listened and (despite knowing you were going to keep doing it anyways) clenched once again.

“Can I cum inside?”, you whimpered at the idea of Jungkook’s cum filling you up and, knowing you’re on grade A birth control, you nodded. While Jungkook was effortlessly attractive, kids were not part of your plans by far.

“You close too, princess?”, you nodded, a small moan spilling past your lips despite your best efforts to be quiet. With that knowledge, the man orgasmed and you could feel his seed start to coat your insides. The feeling made you tumble over into your own orgasm, coating his softening cock with your release.

“I think that’s the best sex I’ll ever have”, you praised him as you tried to put your cramping leg down off his shoulder. Instead, he held it tighter and pulled himself out of you. He watched as his cum started the spill out of you, dripping down your thighs beautifully.

So, he’s a man who likes to admire his work.

You almost screamed when he pushed it back inside of you with his finger due to the sensitivity.

“See you later, sourpuss”, Jungkook smirked and put your panties back to their original position before he pulled his own boxers and pants back up. He walked off and you were left gobsmacked with his cum dripping out of you onto your panties.

As the weeks passed by, the world became more vibrant and cheerful but also more chilling and worrisome.

Exams were over and you were free to go wherever you pleased but, somehow, you always found yourself wanting to be with what was supposed to be your secret guilty pleasure. Now, he was your everything. He truly brought color into your world; sadly, color always comes with black and white.

“I won the bet, Jimin. I want what I asked for”, you listened intently from the other aisle of books. The library had become your go to spot to find Jungkook. Surprisingly, the once unmotivated student was more frequently in here because of the sheer relief he got when you stood before him with a proud smile. What a softy.

“Really? She fell for you? Damn, you still got it. I can’t believe you asked for this though”, the disgust in your ex’s voice was evident and you so desperately wanted to see what he was referring to. You truly thought Koo had stopped being friends with Jimin after he apologized but apparently you were wrong about a lot of things. Most of all, you were wrong to love again.

Feeling your tears start to spill down your cheeks for the first time in years, you forced yourself out of the library. You should’ve seen it coming. What would a playboy want with you? A woman looking for a serious relationship? You’re an idiot and you’ll fix it.

Said playboy must’ve spotted you because you could hear his heavy footsteps behind you as you rushed out of the library, hurrying into a run with the safety of your dorm in mind. It was time to end this.

So, here you were. Remembering everything from the past few months as the candles in front of you burned, getting so desperately close to the string connecting them. You had carved an evident ‘JK’ on one and your initials on the other, bonding them to the people who needed to be apart from one another.

Watching his candle, you noticed the wax dripping down the long wick and you knew they were tears. You knew because of the loud banging coming from your dorm door, the man on the other side screaming and sobbing for you to let him explain.

Your candle, however, burned strongly with vengeance. It stood so tall compared to Jungkook’s and, as the fire finally burned through the string tying you both together, you felt free. It was like Jeon Jungkook had never affected you before and his name slowly slipped from your mind.

Eventually, the banging stopped as the candles reached their ends and the fire flickered out under your gaze. You felt so blissfully numb as you walked towards the door, opening it to reveal a confused Jungkook looking up at you.

“What did you do? It’s like-“, you cut him off with your hand, pulling him up rather roughly.

“You never knew me. That’s how I want it, Jeon Jungkook. You never knew me and I never knew you. Now, get your prize and leave me alone”, you slammed the door in his face. You felt pure relief but Jungkook could still feel a pang of want in his body.

You had failed to notice the little wax left of his candle that stood strong as you dumped it in the trash and he failed to notice that he had left his “prize” outside your door as he rushed off.

A gorgeous rose quartz necklace.

What a way to declare your love to a witch who just cut it all off.

[therealvalkyrie]

Painter’s Hands and Guatemalan Coffee: Part 6

sketch

Pairing/setting: Levi Ackerman x Female!Reader, modern!college!AU

Summary: When you catch your idiot boyfriend cheating, your grumpy roommate is there to pick up the pieces and watch your back as you toe a carefully drawn line in the metaphorical sand.  

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: fluff, romantic vegetable chopping, the chapter of realizing things

AN: Well, it’s been six fucking months, but it’s finally here!! It’s a little shorter than I’d prefer, and took a lot of iterations to get here, but I’m very satisfied:) Thanks, as always, to my lovely @doinmybesthere for editing and encouraging. I hope you all enjoy! I think there’re maybe 1 or 2 parts left in this story, that’ll hopefully be out more quickly than I managed this one. Please let me know what you think! Be kind to yourselves and others. ~valkyrie

—

(read chapter 5 here)

Finals week passes in a slow blur, barely leaving enough time for you to breathe between essays, exams, and one presentation that you think takes at least a year off the end of your life. It’s much the same for everyone else, as well — you barely see Levi, not counting the nights you spend alternating between your bed and his, and you don’t see Hange at all. Consequently, there’s no opportunity to break apart what happened on Saturday. No chance to peel back its layers and find how you really feel. Although, to her credit, Annie doesn’t appear again, so you’re able to shove it into a corner of your mind for the time being.

Saturday brings with it both a new winter storm and an overwhelming sense of relief. You let it fill you completely as you sit and watch snow swirl outside. The street below your kitchen window is bustling with students trying to outrun the storm to get home for vacation. But you have nowhere to be, nothing to do. It’s nice.

The door opens, bringing with it the stomping of Levi’s boots. You turn to watch him shake snow from his hair, sinking deeper into the reassurance of knowing that everything you need is here under your roof. Safe.

Hmm. What the fuck?

You choke on the next sip of your tea as the realization of what you just felt hits you square in the chest. Through your coughing and hacking, you reach again for that fleeting sense of home. Childish, content, warm.

“Are you okay?” Levi calls from the entrance, looking at you with pinched brows halfway through hanging up his jacket.

“Fine,” you cough out, pushing back from the table to hunch over and catch your breath. “I’m okay.”

It takes a moment for you to stop breathing hard, though when you do, your heart rate doesn’t return to normal, instead pushing blood to your face and neck and making your body feel light. Levi doesn’t help when he finally joins you in the kitchen, all floppy hair and bright cheeks from the snow. All leisurely about the way he stretches his lean body to take his favorite blend of Earl Grey from the top of the fridge.

“I was thinking about dinner,” he starts, completely oblivious to the way you’ve started sweating under your cardigan. “We shouldn’t order because of the snow, so I brought home stuff to make soup.”

“What kind?” It’s a miracle the words come out normally.

“Chicken noodle.” He turns to face you. “My mom’s recipe.”

—

“I don’t get why guys are always so uppity about kitchen knives,” you say, picking up what Levi’s told you is a utility knife. “Like, it’s just a knife. I’m not about to stab myself with it.” Your finger drags along its sharp edge for only a split second when Levi’s slim fingers are suddenly around your wrist.

“Don’t. Touch. The knives,” he growls, taking the utility knife gently from your other hand and placing it back on the counter. “I just sharpened them last week, you could’ve seriously cut yourself.”

His steel eyes hold yours for another long moment until you nod your head mutely. You haven’t been able to shake the knot of hyperawareness that’s been settled in your belly since your what the fuck moment, and it only twists tighter when he’s so close to you. His hair is dry now, curling slightly because he hasn’t bothered to comb it since he got home. You have to actively resist the urge to twist a particularly enthusiastic curl around your finger in the split second before he backs away again.

Muttering under his breath, he returns to the simmering pot on the stove that he claims has turned into stock, though you hardly believe it. Growing up, you’d never been taught kitchen skills, let alone anything close to actual labor.

For a while, you’re content to watch, sitting at the table and nursing both the ache in your chest and a fresh cup of chamomile, but the urge to join him in his quiet work overwhelms you as he’s washing the vegetables.

“Levi, please, can I help?” Your tone edges on whining, prompting him to huff and shift on his feet. “I promise I won’t touch the knives! There, just, must be something I can do.”

You see him roll his eyes, swear under his breath, then turn towards you with a glower.

“No talking, no questions, and go wash your hands.”

“Yes!” you cheer and stand up with a bounce.

The scent of the bar of soap as you lather and wash cuts pleasantly through the spices and thick scents already filling the kitchen. It’s not something you’ve experienced often, and you relish in what you realize must be home comfort, your grin settling from enthused to contented.

Levi is arranging carrots, celery, and onions next to the cutting board when you join him again.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to touch the knives?”

“You’re not, until I show you how to do it without chopping off your fingers.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” you tease, but nevertheless settle in beside him to watch as he lines up a carrot and picks up the utility knife.

“We’re generally going for even pieces, though it doesn’t matter much because it’s a soup. Put your fingers like this,” you lean over a bit to see how he’s arranged his left hand holding the carrot, the tips of his fingers just barely tucked under the knuckles, “so that you can chop like this—“ he begins slicing, knife guided by his knuckles “—and not lose your fingers. Always point the blade away from yourself and others, and never hold the handle like you’re going to stab something. That’s not effective, anyway. If you have to use this as a weapon, it’s much more effective to slash rather than stab, considering bone density—“

“Uhh,” you cut in, “pause. Are we slicing carrots or fending off home invaders?”

He stops chopping. “What did I say about asking questions?”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Anyway. Considering bone density, you’ll have better luck aiming to cut big veins than forcing through ribs.”

He’s done with the first carrot, now, lithe fingers flipping the knife so the blade is up.

“Never drag the blade along the surface sideways. Flip it over and use the blunt edge to move food.” He demonstrates, moving the little pile of carrot slices to a corner of the cutting board. “Your turn.”

And then, like it’s nothing, he’s offering you the handle with a flat expression.

“Uhm.” You press your lips together and eye it for a long pause. “Are you sure?”

“It’s just a carrot. You’ll be fine.” He lets another unsure moment slide into being, then sighs and reaches out to wrap your hand around the handle. “Here, like this.”

And like you’ve suddenly stepped into a poorly-written romcom, he’s guiding your hands under his to the next waiting carrot, curling your fingers exactly like he showed you before, and scooting over to let you stand in his place. You just let yourself go along with it, hoping desperately that he won’t feel your hands grow clammy or see the way your chin has tucked itself shyly to your chest so you can watch.

Fucking shit carrots, useless goddamn root vegetable, can’t chop itself, has to make me do all the work—

Your aggressive inner monologue takes you all the way through the second carrot, then his hands are leaving yours and he’s placing a third under your waiting blade. Time to fly solo.

—

When you fall asleep in the armchair that night, sated and full of comfort food, Levi sketches in pencil on scrap paper. He sketches his hands over yours in the kitchen and he sketches the steam rising from the pot on the stove. He sketches you sitting with a bowl of soup in your lap, face illuminated by the TV and he sketches your sleeping body curled up, hair in your mouth. He sketches a close-up of your face, with special attention to the curve of your bottom lip, and he considers it practice for finishing the painting in his room.

Levi doesn’t think about how if he doesn’t do something soon, all of this will change. About how you’ll get over your heartbreak and move out at the end of the year and he won’t see you every day and every night. And he definitely doesn’t think about how he’ll have to adjust back to sleeping without your soft body tangled in his, and he doesn’t wonder how he ever slept before you.

No, instead of thinking, he just cracks his knuckles and gently scoops you from the chair and into his arms.

It’s as he’s climbing into his side of your bed that you stir and snort and blink sleepy eyes open.

“What time is it?”

“Ten forty,” he whispers, “go back to sleep.”

You hum and turn on your side to face him, face half hidden by the squish of your pillow. He settles more comfortably in, tucks your head under his chin even though you’re taller than he is, and drapes his free arm around the curve of your waist. 

Quiet breathing is the only thing that fills the room for a long while, and he finally thinks you’ve drifted back off, when:

“Hey, Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“I... I’ve been thinking a lot, and...”

The tone of your voice is odd and it makes Levi’s throat seize up for a moment while you hesitate. He swallows deliberately.

“And?”

Your next words are more confident, like you have really been thinking a lot, your voice not sleepy in the slightest. It’s matter-of-fact and soft and lovely. 

“And you make me feel really safe. Just, like, all the time. And I’m glad I met you. You make me feel, um...,” a small sniffle, “You make me feel held.”

Levi tightens his arm around you and swallows again. It feels like he’s balancing on the head of a pin, and a thousand angels are swirling around him, and it’s taking all he has not to get pushed off.

“Well, I am holding you.”

“Psssssht,” you wriggle slightly back so you can look at his face. You look simultaneously exasperated and vulnerable in the shadows of your bedroom. “You know what I mean.”

“What if I don’t?”

“Well, I guess...” 

You pause to think for a moment, eyes flicking away from Levi’s face for a split second. Then, they’re back on his and he can feel the vulnerable honesty already spilling from you. 

“I’ve never really, um, gotten a lot of physical affection? From people in my life? And, uh, it’s not just that, it’s that you’re so... so— so familiar, and not just because I know you, godimnotmakingalickofsense, but because it feels like I’ve always known you?” It’s said like a question, like you want to know if he feels the same. “And you just make me feel held.”

You pause on a shaky inhale of breath, then cover your face with your hands and roll onto your back away from him. 

“God, I’m sorry, that doesn’t make any sense at all, I’ll just—“

“Stop,” Levi cuts you off, pushing up to lean over you and grasp your wrists in one hand and cover your mouth with the other, a mirror of the pair of you in the kitchen weeks earlier. “It makes sense. I get it.”

Your doe eyes stare up at him just like they did then and he selfishly indulges in an extra second of staring back before he releases you and slides back to rest on an elbow. Your hands stay demurely tucked by your chest where he put them and your tongue flicks out to lick at your lips as your eyes follow him. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Okay. Good.”

Suddenly, Levi doesn’t feel like going to bed. He feels like running for miles or painting until his hands ache or hitting something, anything to distract him from doing something incredibly stupid right now. The mattress sinks as he sits up and spins his legs out of bed, muttering something about tea and not tired yet, and he almost doesn’t catch the sensation of you sitting up behind him. 

He turns halfway back to tell you to go back to sleep, but your fingers catch his chin and he’s abruptly out of breath.

The curve of your bottom lip is perfectly, exactly the way he sketched it in the semi-dark. It’s slightly chapped.

When you kiss him, soft and certain, he topples off the pinhead and back into his body just in time to do something incredibly stupid and kiss you back.

—

(read part 7 here)

[fakescenarios-tohelpyousleep]

selfless| ryan atwood

summary| ryan seems to keep getting into trouble revolving around you so you decide to leave orange county, however, ryan has the same mind set.

note| I’m still in season 1 of the O.C. and even though I know Luke leaves and he isn’t really a villain, I need a bad guy for the story so I’m using Luke.

    “Oh my God Y/N!” As the officer help you from the back of the police car, wrapped in blankets, wet and shaking uncontrollably you fall into the first pair of arms to grab you. your boyfriend, ryan atwood. 

When you had decided to attend a private prep school across the country for your junior year, you hadn’t intended to fall for your host families foster son however here you were. apart of the cohen family. 

From the adjacent driveway marissa and summer stood in shock watching as there somewhat friend froze in his arms. And the question raining over everyone mind... what had happened. 

“Y/N, you’re freezing.” Ryan states the obvious as his hold tighten in an attempt to warm her up. As the scene unfolds the lifted truck of marissa’s boyfriend luke pulls up and he moves to marissa’s side, watching in guilt as you practically can’t stand on your own. 

“She needs to get warm as soon as possible, a hot bath and then warm blankets, you need to get her body heat back.” The officer explains to Sandy and Kristen who are at Ryan’s and your side along with Seth, who for a second went to try and help Ryan hold you up however decided against it when he saw the look on his ‘brothers’ face. ‘Will do officer, thank you.” “We’ll be in contact in the morning to learn more about what happened but get her inside first, if her body heat doesn’t go up in the morning, she’ll need to go to the hospital.” 

“Where were you?” Your voice was small and Ryan almost missed it as Sandy removed you from his hold, picking you up to get you into the house quicker. “Y/N what are you talking about?” Ryan questions rushing after Sandy. “The pier, you didn’t come.. Luke he dropped me off-” Ryan had texted you before to cancel as something with Seth had come up and he knew you would understand, however, he now realized that your phone wasn’t on you... You had forgotten it at the house and hadn’t gotten the text. At the mention of Luke his head snaps in the direction of the Cooper house and as he made eye contact, Luke turns away in guilt. Marissa put the piecing together... No, when they arrived to drop you at the pier and Luke offered to walk you to where you were meant to meet Ryan, he didn’t hand you off to Ryan, he had pushed you into the water as a joke... no knowing you couldn’t swim nor that the water was freezing temperatures. 

Even with your consciousness was fading in and out, you were so sensitive to the heat around you that you could feel Ryan’s body moving from besides you. With your remaining strength you reach out to grab a hold of Ryan’s sleeve, stopping him in his tracks. “Ryan don’t.” “Y/N, he could’ve killed you.” He gritted threw his teeth, attempting to keep his anger from boiling over. “Ryan that isn’t important right now, we need to get her inside... Do not go over there.” Sandy voice came out as a threat. He was putting his foot down. They would deal with Luke when you were taken care of, which you weren’t at the moment still shivering in Sandy’s arms. Ryan stops, staring at you and Sandy for a moment, before shaking his head in ‘sorry’ and rushing off down the driveway in the direction of Marissa’s house. “Ryan!” Sandy yells after him, Kristen stepping in quickly. “Sandy we need to get her inside, Seth go with Ryan.” She meditates the situation. She knows well that Seth isn’t going to be able to stop Ryan, however, you needed to get taken inside. Ryan fighting Luke again or you possibly getting hypothermia... hypothermia wins. 

_

“Dropping the charges? Are you being serious Y/N? He could’ve killed you.” Seth was going ballistic that morning at you sat at the kitchen island drinking hot chocolate against your will... you needed something warm and hot chocolate was better than coffee, but still wasn’t your drink of choice. “He didn’t know the water was that cold or that I couldn’t swim plus if I drop the charges against him, he won’t go after Ryan.” You mumble back as you pull the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands, still colder than usual. Seth scoffs looking to his dad for help, who was standing off to the side reading the morning news paper. “Dad, a little help here.” Sandy looks up, “I’ve already tired, Seth.” He replies in defeat and then at the sound of the sliding doors opening, the kitchen falls silent as Ryan enters the kitchen. Ryan’s eyes quickly fall to you, but yours just as quickly fall away suddenly becoming very interested in your mug of hot coco. It was visible that he got into a fight, you often question if he’s truly from Chino because every time he fights with Luke, Luke somehow ends up winning and Ryan comes out with more damage. “I’ll drive today.” Ryan pipes up, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that was waying on the kitchen. “Yes, and we should get going before the pressures of awkwardness crush us all.” Seth jumps at the opportunity. “It’s just gonna be you two today, I have to take Y/N to the doctors.” Sandy explains as Ryan lags waiting for you to join him and Seth. “Doctors? Are you okay?” Ryan’s concern is obvious from his tone. “I’m fine.” You mumble before Sandy speaks again. “It’s just to make sure her body heat is stable and back to normal, nothing serious.” “I’m coming with.” Ryan demands, dropping his backpack from his shoulder. “No you’re not. You’re going to school. After last night you’re lucky you’re even still here.” Sandy snapped, he was right. If Luke pressed charges Ryan would be taken from the Cohen’s and put back in juvie.. and it would’ve been all your fault. 

“Sandy?” The tone of your voice made his head snap in your direction. You sat in the passengers seat as Sandy drove back to the house after the doctors. You were okay, you’ve just caught a small cold and were now on antibiotics. Not to serious. “I wanna go back home. I’ll finish the year back home.” Shock over took Sandy’s face. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Y/N finals are coming up, you’ll have to repeat the whole year if you transfer back now. What about summer, I thought you were staying to go on vacation with us this year? You felt tears form in your eyes and it didn’t go unnoticed to the man sitting besides you. “Ryan could’ve gone to jail last night because of me. Everything bad he’s done since I’ve gotten here as been because of me. I’m not good for him, I’m going to ruin his life. I have to leave.” Sandy signs as he pulls into the driveway of the house you’ve called home for the past year. “You two are insufferable.” He mumbles and you look at him confused, what does he mean by that? Sandy sighs again, debating on weather to tell you or not. “Last night I went to talk to Ryan and he was packing a bag. He was planning on running away last night because he’s ‘causing trouble in your life’, the two of you are selfless with each other. You want to leave because you feel like you cause trouble for him, Ryan thinks the same thing about you Y/N.” Your jaw hung as Sandy spilled the secret from the night before. Ryan was going to give his life up for you. So that you could live a drama free life with the Cohen’s minus him of course. “Why is he such a dumbass?” You seriously ask, which makes Sandy chuckle. “I’m sure he’s say the same thing about you. Y/N, Ryan needs someone like you in his life. I promise I’m not bullshiting you when I say he’s the happiest I’ve seen him since you’ve come here.” “I can’t ruin his life Sandy. Even if someone is happy if someone is ruining everything else in that persons life, the happiest isn’t worth it, is it?” “Y/N, I can’t stop you from leaving, but think on it. At least talk to him.” 

_

“Ryan, can we talk?” Your voice and the knock on his open door spooked him as he laid staring at his ceiling. It wasn’t abnormal for you to come to the pool house at night to see him. It wasn’t abnormal for you to sleep in the pool house with him just like it wasn’t abnormal for him to sleep in your bedroom inside of the main house. In the beginning Kristen and Sandy tried to stop it from happening, however as time progressed and a pregnancy hasn’t occurred it’s just become normal for one of your beds to be empty at night. The sound of your voice had spooked him as you haven’t spoken more than a few sentences to him since his brawl with Luke. “Yeah, totally.” Ryan shot up, sitting on the side of his bed as you closed the door behind you and joined him on the bed with a large space between you. Strange. The two of you are normally attached at the hip while around each other. It wasn’t something you two did on purpose, most of the time you don’t realize you’re as close until it’s pointed out by a third party. Ryan clears his throat, not liking the silence hanging in the air between your two. “Are you alright?” He questioned noticing you still swearing a sweatshirt even in orange county’s early May weather. Then it hits him, jealously at the notice of the sweatshirt being Seth’s. he ignores it, looking away from the sweatshirt and moving to your face. You’re not looking at him and he feels it in his chest. Pain. You finally nod, “Just a cold, I’m on antibiotics for like 2 weeks.” You explain not going into more detail than needed before letting the silence fall again. 

“I might be going back home.” Ryan’s head snaps so face that you’re surprised his neck didn’t break. “What?” “You don’t have to runaway, I’m most likely going back home after final exams.” Ryan was dumbfounded, A by your confession and B by the fact that Sandy told you about his antics. Ryan goes to speak, however he stops himself, shakes his head and changes what he was going to say. Realization hitting him as his conversation with Sandy from the night before spilling into his mind. “We’re being ridiculous.” Confusion covers your face as he continues, “Just the other night you were here saying you were planning on staying in orange county for the next year and now you want to leave just because I fought Luke, who could’ve killed you might I add!” He was now on his feet. Anger and desperation slipping into his tone. “Ryan you could’ve gone to jail because of fighting Luke and that would’ve been my fault! How did you expect me to live with that if that happened?” “You would’ve gone on and been more concentrated on school and go on to continue to live with the Cohen’s-” “If I go back home I’ll be concentrated on school and you wouldn’t have to leave the life you built-” “Y/N you hate your mom!” Silence falls again and regret covers Ryan’s face but he continues with his point, only now talking instead of screaming. “If you go back home you’re not going to go to art school cause your mom won’t let you. You’ve said it before Y/N you’re mother is suffocating, I can’t put you back in that position.” “Ryan all you have is the Cohen’s.-” “They’re all you have too, Y/N.” You both stop speaking and you feel the tears in your eyes again as the realization washes over you. “I have you Ryan, and I need you with me, but I can’t live with the weight that you’re going to put yourself in harms way for me.” Ryan’s face falls as the first tear rolls down your face. “I couldn’t just let him get away with hurting you.” He defends himself again for the millionth time. “I know, but promise me you’ll stop fighting people and stop getting in trouble.” You plead with him and the next moment you’re knocked back as his body collides with your and his arms wrap around you so tightly you almost can’t breath. “I will, just, stay.” 

The next morning you followed Ryan hand-in-hand into the kitchen where the Cohen’s all resided, and all stopped dead in their tracks upon you both entering. “Well good morning you too.” Seth says as he notices his parents shocked expressions. The glares sent by you both make Seth uncomfortably turn away to face his parents. “How do they do that? One glare and you perfectly understand. Witchcraft I tell you.” He whispers to them making both parents chuckle before he excuses himself from the kitchen, attention turning back to you and Ryan. “So y/n,” Sandy begins already knowing the reply to his next statement. “We have a meeting today with the dean about transferring your credits back home-” “No need.” Was all you said, stealing a glance at Ryan which he return, a smile on his face in gratefulness and happiness as you both turn back to your breakfast in silence. Sandy grinning from ear to ear... his house was back to normal. 

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 9

Yay! Next chapter! True confessions, this *sorta* slow burn is killing me....and i’m the one writing it! (sorry not sorry?)

Warnings: some swearing, nothing really, Hvitserk being a good bro?

Words:7100 (I hope these longer chapters make up for the wait)

Tag List: @youbloodymadgenius @evelynshelby @pomegranates-and-blood @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @heavenly1927 @zuxiezendler @punkrocknpearls @love-all-things-writing @southernbe​

Series Masterlist

The ringing of her phone had Kari dropping the leggings she was folding on her bed to quickly snatch it up. 

 "Albus!"

 The voice on the other end sighed. "You know I hate that nickname."

 Kari laughed, picking the leggings back up to fold. "But it fits you so perfectly."

 "I am not an old wizard."

 "I'll give you that, but you're studious, kind and too wise for someone your age. So close enough."

 "I suppose if I haven't been able to convince you to drop that nickname for the past ten years, I won't be able to now."

 "Nope." She cheerfully said. "So, how are you? Your mother still wreaking havoc in your life?"

 "She set me up on a date last week." He grumbled after a moment's hesitation. 

 In her mind, she could imagine him sitting at his desk with a slight furrow between his brows and lips pursed as he lamented his mother's involvement in his love life. This would not be the first time he complained to Kari about this topic. "Ohhhh? How did that go?" She asked, even if by his tone she could already guess his answer. 

 "I know my mother means well, but the women she thinks I should date…." He trailed off with a forlorn sigh. 

 "Not your type?"

 "No."

 "I'm sorry. You'll find someone and your mother won't be able to help but love them."

 He snorted inelegantly. "I won't hold my breath for that."

 "See, you're so wise." She teased, smiling as she folded a work shirt. "Now, what else is new since last month?"

 The two spent the next hour talking. It had become their tradition after she moved. Hearing the gentle cadence in his voice, his quiet chuckles, it sent a wave of nostalgia washing over her. He was the only person from England she still kept in communication with, the only one who knew where she was. The last string tying her to her prior life. Although she would not have labeled him her best friend, they were certainly close and even more so after she moved. In their monthly conversations, they would chat about anything new in their lives, TV shows watched, books read, his latest exams in university. He always made sure to inform her what he knew about her family. Something she was grateful for but it always felt like a knife to the heart after. 

 As they talked, she finished folding her laundry, a necessary evil in her opinion. Once done with that, she moved on to the package she received in the mail today. It was addressed to her but the sender was a designer name she would never be able to afford in her lifetime. She shook her head, wondering what surprise the youngest Lothbrok had bought for her. 

 Listening to him regale her with the latest family drama of his, she opened the package and had to muffle a gasp at the two dresses that lay inside. The first was an off-the-shoulder, black skater dress that would reach mid-thigh in length. It was a classy and elegant cocktail dress that reminded her of the dress she wore on her and Ivar's "date" but way more sophisticated and stylish. It was the second dress that made her pause and wonder where Ivar thought she would ever wear something like this. It was a deep red evening gown, the hem long enough to trail slightly on the ground. The dress was gorgeous with a tight bodice and slight flair of the skirt. It was the slit in the skirt that touched her upper thigh and the sheer middle of the bodice that made Kari raise her eyebrows. The gown was the perfect blend of chic and sexy. What was Ivar thinking? She would feel so self-conscious and she never went anywhere fancy enough to wear it. Though as she stared at both dresses, she decided it never hurt to admire them on the hanger, even if she never got the chance to wear them. As her friend continued speaking, she hung both dresses up in her closet, making a mental note to talk to Ivar. 

 "It's probably good your brother moved out last year." She commented, tucking her laundry basket away in her closet. 

 "Yeah. He only comes over to the house if he has to." He said with a resigned sigh. After a long moment of silence, he spoke up again. His voice hesitant, almost remorseful, as what had been obviously on the tip of his tongue finally came forth. "Your mother has been talking about trying to find you again."

 Kari froze, her mind shorting out and heart rate skyrocketing as his statement sunk in. "What…. what did she say?"

 "Not much that I overheard." He confessed, sympathy in each word. "How much she misses her only daughter and feels abandoned by you. She has been telling people that you're doing charity work in another country when they ask about you."

 "It's been almost two years… I hoped…" She slumped onto her bed, legs wobbling and mind whirling. 

 "That your mother would forget about you?"

 "I don't know. I just…. I don't know."

 Silence reigned for a moment before he spoke again. 

 "Are you ever coming home?"

 "I…. I don't think that's home anymore."

 "I miss you." He whispered. 

 Tears welled in her eyes. She took a deep breath forcing them back, but knew her shaky voice betrayed her. "I miss you too. Maybe you can come visit me here?"

 "That would blow your cover."

 "Could we meet up somewhere? You take a vacation or something?"

 "I'll consider it…." His voice trailed off, only to come back stronger. "You know, when you wanted help to leave England, I thought it was just a temporary reprieve. I didn't imagine you would stay away."

 It felt like a knife twisted in her gut, because he was right. She had never thought she would be gone this long. "I know…. I just…. I like my life here. I don't…. I don't want to go back to that."

 He sighed as if giving up on convincing her to return. "I understand. I'll always be here for you. I still think of you as one of my closest friends."

 "Same. We've known each other since we were thirteen. A few countries between us isn't going to stop that."

 He chuckled. "Right. Well, I'll still hold you to your promise. If we're both unmarried by thirty-five, we'll have a courthouse wedding to keep our families off our backs."

 "Sounds good." She laughed out, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

 "I have to go. I'll text you about when we can catch up next month."

 "Perfect. Stay safe, Albus."

 "You too, Abs."

 "Ugh! That nickname is worse than yours!" She groaned, hearing a small chuckle on the other end of the phone. "Bye!"

 After hanging up, she stared at her phone for a minute, the smile fading as her mind revisited the conversation. The weight of everything slammed into her, her body no longer able to support her under the strength of her duress. She crumpled onto her bed, curling into a fetal position, tears streaming down her cheeks. It hurt that England no longer felt like home to her, but neither did where she currently lived. What hurt and confused her most, was when she thought of being home- Ivar's face filled her mind's eye. 

 *****

 "Thank you everyone for coming to class today. I'll see you either tomorrow or next week." 

 With the lights still dim, Kari turned off the soothing water music over the speakers in the yoga studio room. The women who had been laying in corpse pose on their mats began to rise and gather up their personal items. A quiet murmur of voices replaced the music in the enclosed room. She waved at a few of the regulars as they left her class. Even if she was not the one doing all the poses, by the end of class she still felt refreshed and rejuvenated. It always brought her joy to see people come in, stressed or anxious, and leave her class with a smile on their faces or just looking less tense. 

 Through the mirrors along the wall at the front of the room, she could see the tall, statuesque blonde making her way over, yoga mat tucked under her arm. 

 "Hey, you doing anything for lunch?" Gyda asked, coming up beside her. Even in leggings and a tight tank top, she looked like someone off the covers of a women's magazine. All Kari could figure was it was in the Lothbrok blood. 

 "Um, working on inventory?"

 "How about instead you come out to lunch with us?" She motioned vaguely towards Torvi, who was gathering up her yoga mat. "We planned on stopping at that new boutique down the strip. So, we can just meet you for lunch when you're done."

 "Really?" The brunette was startled by the offer. Sure, she had gone out with Gyda a few times but never with Torvi too. The three would chat occasionally before or after class and she liked Torvi's no-nonsense attitude. They had flippantly made comments about the three of them going out but to actually hear they wanted her presence both surprised and warmed her heart. "Torvi is okay with this too?"

 Gyda rolled her eyes. "Yes. So…. Yes? No? Don't leave me in suspense."

 "Yeah, I'd love to."

 "Great. Text me when you're done and we'll meet up."

 "It'll be at least half an hour…." 

 Gyda waved her off, her voice growing louder. "That's fine. Torvi takes forever when she browses anyway."

 "Sorry, I like to think through my purchases before I buy something!"

 Kari smiled at Torvi's retort. The other blonde was checking her phone, a smile on her face though as she peered up at her sister-in-law and her yoga instructor. 

 "Are you joining us?" She called over. 

 "Of course, she is!" Gyda replied, before Kari could respond. "But she's only coming if you swear not to share any stories about you and Bjorn's kinky sex life. Nobody wants to hear that."

 Without a word, Torvi gave her the middle finger salute, before looking back down at her phone. 

 Gyda chuckled then turned to raise an eyebrow at the shorter woman. "Unless you're into that kind of stuff…."

 "Oh gods, Gyda! No!" Her face flushed at the thought. 

 "Hey, it's the quiet ones who are the kinkiest. I bet Ivar would like that." She laughed as Kari tried to swat at her. Taking a step back, she pretended to zip her lips. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Text me when you're done! We can meet at the café down the street. " 

 Kari waved at Torvi as the two blondes walked out of the studio room. Quickly, she hurried to finish tidying up. It had been a long time since she felt this excited to go out to eat with some female friends. A handful of times she had gone out with some coworkers or Lydia. In the beginning she was excited when Alana would invite her out with her friends to a club or bar but Kari quickly learned that was not her scene and began making every excuse possible to not be forced out with them. She always felt like an afterthought amongst the group, especially since getting drunk nor sleeping around was not her style. This time, she had high hopes for spending time with Gyda and Torvi. It would be nice to have female friends again. 

 The door to the studio room opened and Lydia popped her head in. "Almost done? You've got a visitor out here and he's causing quite the distraction." She said with a distinct shit-eating grin and wink before ducking back out. 

 "He?" Kari questioned out loud, although her mind suspected who it was. He was the only one who ever visited her. Slipping her phone into the pocket of her maroon leggings, she gave the room one final survey, wanting it to be ready for the next class before she left. With a nod, she headed out, the door swinging shut behind her. 

 In the large open area, she understood what Lydia meant by 'causing quite the distraction'. If she paused for a moment to drink the sight in, no one could possibly know, right? 

 Ivar leaned his shoulder against a wall, arms crossed over his chest with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to display his toned forearms. His dark locks were pulled back loosely in a man-bun, a few tendrils slipped free. Even in jeans, braces and smart-looking leather shoes, he looked quite handsome. With no cane in sight, it must be a good day. 

 Kari noticed more than one pair of eyes lingering on him from around the studio although he did not seem to notice as he stood there talking with Gyda and Torvi in hushed tones. The latter said something that immediately caused Ivar to narrow his eyes at her as he snapped a comment. 

 Even from across the room, Kari could read the tension in his frame and decided to intervene before he caused a scene. Walking over to them, aware of the many sets of eyes upon the group of three, she fixed a smile on her face. Once those intense, blue eyes locked onto her and his posture softened marginally, her smile transitioned into a genuine grin. "Hey, Ivar, what are you doing here?" She asked, coming to stand between him and Gyda. 

 "Do I need a reason to come see you?" He smirked down at her.

 That look released butterflies in her stomach but she ignored them to tease him back. "Usually that's how it works."

 "And if that reason is to fulfill my quota?"

 The blush that rose to her cheeks was so hot, she wondered if you could fry an egg on her face. Immediately, she dropped her chin to her chest, willing the warmth to vanish. 

 "Hmmm…. that blush for me, kattungen?" He shifted closer so his mouth was near her ear, his question asked in such a lecherous tone, Kari felt her core clench. 

 "Shut up." She mumbled, pushing him away. He rocked back on his heels, a smug grin on his face, and an amused chuckle leaving his lips. 

 Gyda patted Kari's shoulder, drawing the brunette's attention upward again. "Text me when you're done. We'll leave you with this grumpy asshole. I'm sure you can think of a way to cheer him up." She winked as she took a step away. 

 For a moment, Kari wished the ground would open up beneath her. Between Gyda's teasing comments and Ivar's blatant remarks and heated looks, Kari's face was going to be permanently red in an endless flush. 

 "Good luck on your trip, Ivar." Torvi called over her shoulder as she followed Gyda. 

 "Oi! Tell Bjorn to keep his big fucking mouth shut!" He yelled after the blondes; the tension returned with Torvi's parting statement. Glaring at the door the two women passed through, he muttered something in a foreign language as he rubbed his hand over his mouth. Briefly, his thoughts seemed to take him elsewhere but he quickly snapped back, blue eyes finding Kari once again. 

 It was only something she had realized lately, but when he looked at her, that consuming and burning gaze landing on her with all the impact of a sledgehammer, it made her feel like the only woman in the room. It was such a cliché thing, something stupid out of a romance novel, but it was the only way she could describe the feeling. When he looked at her like this, nothing else mattered in the room. She had his whole attention, all his focus. It was heady and powerful and terrifying and astounding. The weight of others watching made her skin itch but with his gaze locked on hers, lips tilted up slightly in the hint of a fond smile, she felt in the eye of a hurricane. 

 Her blue-green eyes dropped to his chest, unable to maintain eye contact when it left her feeling so flustered. Tugging on her earlobe, she quietly asked. "What are you doing here? I thought I wasn't seeing you until you picked me up for dinner tonight?"

 "Something came up." Silently, he reached over and grasped her hand, causing her head to jerk up. Intertwining their fingers, he watched her with regret in his eyes. "I have to fly out to Italy in two hours."

 "Oh. Is everything okay?" That was not what she had expected to hear. Her heart plummeted that their dinner would have to be canceled but tried not to let it show. 

 "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

 "Um, sure." Emotions flickering between curiosity and concern, she guided him back to the studio room. The weight of eyes lingered as they walked, especially since he refused to release her hand. A brief glance at the front counter, only to see Lydia and Sasha both staring at her with amused and proud smiles, had Kari trying to hurry out of sight with Ivar in tow. 

 Soon as the door shut behind them, hiding them from view, he pulled her against his body, one arm wrapping around her waist, trapping her against him while the other hand gripped the back of her neck. He kissed her passionately, like a man dying of thirst and only she could save him. 

 "Ivar…." She tried to pull away, aware she was at work and anyone could walk in. Instead, he held her tighter, molding her body to his. The drugging kiss that followed had her all but melting against him, knees weak and her resolve disappearing like smoke in the wind. When she opened her mouth, inviting his tongue to dance with hers, the growl that erupted from him was so thready and rough, it called to a primal part of her, making her warm all over and a tightness grow in her belly. 

 It had been two days since they had seen each other and she genuinely missed him. They had been texting during that time, but it was not the same. She missed his presence, his touch, his kisses, his grumpy comments and the way he made her laugh. Even when he annoyed or frustrated her, he still was the color in her otherwise monochromatic world. And with each day that passed, her desire to push him away fractured a little bit more. 

 When their mouths finally unlocked, both panting and lips swollen and red, she was almost shocked the nearby mirrors were not fogged up. Breathless and overwhelmed, she pressed her forehead to his, her arms around his neck. For a minute they stood there peacefully, only the sounds of their ragged breathing and the occasional noise from those outside of the studio room broke through their tranquility. 

 "What's going on, Ivar?"

 "Something with work." 

 "Does this have to do with why you've been so busy?"

 He sighed but when he spoke in a hushed tone, the rage painting each word was undeniable. "Someone on the inside has been selling information about us." She gasped, shocked but when she tried to pull away to look at him, he tugged her back against him, placing his chin on the top of her head. "I think I know who the fucker is."

 "That's why you're going to Italy?"

 "Hmmm."

 "Will you be safe?"

 That made him chuckle, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Are you worried about me?"

 She thought about making a joke, about teasing him about his recklessness. Instead the question knocked the air from her lungs momentarily, because the truth was, she was. What little she had gleaned about his work when he needed to vent, there was still an element of danger to it. She tipped her face up to look at him, her answer a quiet murmur that did nothing to hide the emotion behind her words. "Yes…. I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt."

 The amusement in his eyes drained to be replaced with a softness that made her heart clench. He inhaled sharply and glanced away for a moment. "Fuck, kitten…." When he turned back, he kissed her tenderly, a slow melding of their mouths like the taste of her was a fine wine he wanted to sip on endlessly. There was a promise in his action, just as much as his words when he finally whispered against her lips. "I'll be safe, just meeting with a contact. That's all."

 "Okay, just please be careful." Worry still tainted her, but she trusted Ivar to keep himself safe. He had been doing this job far longer than she had known him. 

 "Don't tell anyone about what I've said. No one else knows."

 "I promise. Not a word."

 "Good girl." He swatted her ass, making her squeak and glare up at him. "I'm going to have Hvitserk check up on you later."

 "That's not necessary." She tried to say. She would hate to be a waste of time for the older Lothbrok. The look he gave her said to not argue with him. "Fine," she dramatically sighed, "maybe him and I will watch movies and cuddle since you're soooo busy. I wonder if he'd think my bed is comfy enough or if the couch is better?"

 "Don't you fucking dare." He growled, gripping her waist in a possessive hold. 

 She just laughed at how easy he was to wind up. It was mean and she knew it. 

 He nipped at her bottom lip. "Keep playing, Kari and I'll have to punish you."

 "I have no idea what you're talking about." She batted her lashes at him, failing to suppress a childish giggle. 

 He rolled his eyes, the twitch of his lips betrayed his amusement. "I need to go." He softly said though he made no move to release her from his arms. 

 With that a wave of worry and fear cascaded over her, it was unfounded she knew, but it still threatened to drag her into its depths. Not giving it a second thought, she raised up on her toes to plant a lingering kiss on his lips. 

 "You're not helping." He muttered, never removing his mouth from hers. 

 "Maybe take the next flight?"

 "Don't tempt me, vixen. I'll lock that door and have my wicked way with you right fucking here until everyone hears you screaming my name."

 Between the image he painted in her mind and his mouth having moved to her pulse point, heated arousal pooled between her legs. She gulped, her mouth suddenly dry and words sticking to her throat.

 He leaned back, a devious smirk on his lips at her obviously flushed face. "No, my priestess," he purred, a filthy, predatory glint in his blue eyes, she could not help but gasp as her knees threatened to buckle under her. "When I finally have you, it'll be somewhere I can both worship you and fuck you all night long without fear of being interrupted."

 She let out a shaky breath. "But, um…. we…. ah."

 "Soon, Vakker, blir du min." He kissed her roughly, as if sealing his words. "I do need to leave. Walk with me." He took her hand, leading her out of the studio room, giving her no choice but to walk beside him. Not that her brain was fully able to make coherent decisions at the moment. 

 As they walked towards the front of the building, she wondered if their make-out session was obvious. Her lips felt red and swollen and a blush still colored her cheeks. A glance at Ivar showed his lips fuller but he appeared so calm and collected it was unfair. 

 "Did you like the dresses?" He asked, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

 "I do. They both are gorgeous, but they're too much. I don't have a reason to dress up that fancy."

 "With me, you will. I'll get you some casual dresses too."

 "Ivar…." She whined. 

 "You need more clothes, Kari."

 "Fine. Not because I want more clothes but because I know you'll buy them for me anyway."

 He winked at her, his tone smug. "I always get my way."

 "You're unbelievable."

 They stopped beside his SUV, parked next to the sidewalk. His driver was already in the driver's seat waiting. Kari made sure to wave at the man, earning a nod back from him. The driver was a huge guy with long, thick locks of white hair and a scar on his face. He intimidated Kari but she tried to ignore that and be friendly. Even if Ivar made fun of her for it. 

 "I should be back tomorrow unless some shit comes up." Ivar stated, opening the back door. 

 "Okay. Be safe."

 "Stop worrying. Shit. I'll be fine." He remarked, sliding into his seat. Before he closed the door, he met her gaze. "I'll text you."

 She smiled in acknowledgment and stepped back, giving him a quick wave as she headed back inside and his SUV started off.  

 Lydia leaned against the front counter with Sasha and Alicia now, all three watching her with expressions ranging from amused to shocked. 

 "Um, I'm going to…. go on my lunch break now." She mumbled and hurried away to grab her purse from the office, the sounds of laughter following her. 

 The stray thought crossed her mind that she would need some new bras if Ivar was set on buying her new clothes. Not that he would see those bras, but it would be good to have…. and maybe some matching panties.

 *****

 Summer was transitioning to fall, cool undertones intermixed with the residual warmth of a September evening. 

 Kari stared at the book in her lap but the words blurred together no matter how many times she reread the same line. She loved reading outside, sitting on the small patio behind the townhouse, especially when none of the neighbors were out. She could pretend it was her own place of solace, being out in nature. The sunlight shined through the line of pine trees separating their row of townhouses from the ones behind them, bird songs mixed with the sound of traffic from the nearby roads. She much preferred this too being stuck indoors. 

 Today though, her mind drifted like the breeze, but it all centered on a conversation she had not even ten minutes ago. If she listened closely, she could hear Alana through the screen door, making her dinner in the kitchen. She knew it was not Alana's fault, but the conversation still felt like a rug had been yanked from underneath the brunette. With everything going so well in her life, of course fate had to throw her a curveball. 

 Now her mind scrambled as what to do next. 

 A sound from her left had her glance over to see Erik stepping out of his back door. A boyish grin lit up his face when he saw her. 

 "Hi, Kari. Beautiful evening, isn't it?"

 "Yeah. It is." She gave a half-hearted smile, watching as he closed the door behind him and stepped closer. 

 "Mind if I join you?"

 She waved a hand at the patio set. "Not at all." Hopefully talking with Erik would be the distraction she needed for the moment, to pull her out of her quagmire of thoughts. 

 Dropping onto the cushioned chair to her left, he ran a hand through his dirty blond hair. In jeans and a t-shirt, he appeared ready to relax for the evening. 

 "What are you reading this time?" He asked curiously. This would not be the first time he had found her outside reading. 

 She reclined on the two-person, cushioned couch, legs up and bent with her open book resting against her thighs, wearing her typical leggings and slouchy shirt. At his question, she flashed him the cover. "The Princess Bride."

 "Isn't that a movie?"

 She pretended to gasp in horror. "Yes, but the book is still a classic."

 He raised his hands in surrender, grin spreading across his face. “If you say. Not really my taste. So how was your day?"

 "Nothing exciting. Yours?"

 "The usual. Customers thinking they could do my job better than me."

 She winced. "I know the feeling."

 They made small talk for some time, talking about work and a documentary he recommended for her to watch. They argued which was the better coffee shop nearby, something they continuously disagreed on. Soon the upsetting conversation with Alana drifted to the back of her mind. It did not take long for her to close her book and set it on the ground so she could be fully invested in the conversation, especially when Erik became so animated about a topic, his hands waving around like a conductor in his enthusiasm. It was an endearing trait of his, but also alerted her to settle in because it meant he would not need much encouragement to keep talking. 

 The opening of the sliding door behind Kari stunted their conversation.

 "Kari, someone is here for you." Alana said sweetly, stepping out onto the patio. 

 Unsure what she meant and since Kari never had visitors except for Ivar, she finally turned around. Only to be met with the view of Hvitserk leaning against the doorframe, a smirk on his lips. Standing there looking quite handsome in a dark navy business suit with a white undershirt, sans tie. Even his hair was nicely pleated back, making him look very professional and attractive. 

 "What are you doing here?" She asked in surprise, wondering if he just got off work. 

 Pushing off the doorframe, he meandered past Alana to approach Kari's side. "I came to check on you." He answered easily then scooped her up like she weighed nothing, making her squeal, and casually resettled them on the couch. Now he sat where she had been with her tucked against his side and his arm behind her. She also noticed how he purposefully put himself between her and Erik but chose not to comment on that. 

 "Ivar sent you, didn't he?" She grumbled, poking Hvitserk in the chest. "I told him it wasn't necessary."

 "Well, you know him." He shrugged, that teasing smirk still adorning his lips. When she tried to poke him again, he snatched her hand and held it hostage, even as she tried to tug it back. Ignoring her, he turned his attention to Erik. "Hey, man. I'm Hvitserk."

 "I'm Erik. I live next door." He responded warily, eyeing up the man as if debating to be friendly or not. 

 "Ah." With that understanding, Hvitserk seemed to give Erik a more assessing look before peering down at Kari. "You eat dinner yet?"

 "Sorta. I'm not too hungry."

 Alana spoke up from leaning against the other chair. "If you're hungry we can order something, Hvitserk. It's not a big deal."

 Kari's head whipped around to stare at her roommate in shock. Never had Alana played the hostess to Kari or anyone she knew. Then she really noticed the coquettish look of her roommate- the fluttering lashes, the sensual biting of her bottom lip in mock innocence, the way she casually leaned against the chair in a way to best highlight the curves of her body. Kari wanted to sigh. Of course, the only reason Alana pretended to care was to try and entice Hvitserk. An attractive man in their home, it was as if Alana could not help herself. 

 Apparently the flaxen-haired Lothbrok noticed her flirtatious manner also. He tipped his head, eyes blatantly tracing over her body with appreciation. Kari could see the blonde preening under Hvitserk's gaze. 

 "Did I fuck you?"

 What confident, amorous expression on Alana's face dropped in a second. "Excuse me?"

 Hvitserk waved a hand dismissively. "Sorry, you seem familiar but I can't remember…. Did you fuck one of my brothers?"

 Anger transformed her face, making her rigid and lip curled back in a snarl. "Fuck you, asshole." She shrieked, then stormed back inside, slamming the door shut. 

 He chuckled. "Huh. I take that as a yes…. ouch!"

 Kari slapped his chest. "That was extremely rude and insensitive."

 "Why? Because it's the truth?"

 "You can't just…. ask something like that." She turned to look at the closed door, wondering if she should go apologize to Alana and check on her. After a moment's debate, she turned away from the townhouse, figuring seeking out Alana would most likely end up with a door slammed in her face. 

 Hvitserk shrugged, pulling his phone out of his pocket and checking it before slipping it back in.  

 His nonchalance baffled Kari. Did he not care that he just humiliated her roommate? Should she make him apologize? Though she doubted he would. Finally, she settled for just muttering, "you Lothbroks are unbelievable."

 "Oh, are you related to…." Erik's question trailed off. Where he once had been relaxed back in the cushioned chair, now he sat tensely, one of his hands tapping his knee repeatedly. 

 "Ivar? Yeah, he's my brother." Hvitserk said with a knowing smirk. 

 "He's, um…"

 "A crazy, mad bastard? Yeah. Don't recommend getting on his bad side."

 "I was going to say intense."

 Hvitserk threw his head back as he laughed. Even Kari smiled at the hesitant way Erik answered. Intense was an understatement for the youngest Lothbrok. "Yeah, he's family." 

 Erik then motioned between Kari and Hvitserk. "So are you two…. just friends?"

 Before Kari could explain, Hvitserk jumped in to answer. 

 "Ivar and I share her."

 Immediately Kari choked on air due to his candid response. Her gaze darted to Erik in horror, seeing his jaw dropped and eyes wide as saucers. Beside her Hvitserk cackled like a hyena at both of their expressions. 

 "That's not…. ugh! No!" Kari tried to speak, once she could functionally breathe again, only to cover her face as her words tumbled out of her mouth inelegantly. 

 "Awww, come on, Kari. You know I'm teasing." The elder Lothbrok tugged her hands away from her face, which only caused her to bury her face in his shoulder. "We know Ivar doesn't share. But if you ever get tired of his cranky ass, I'll be more than willing to show you a good time."

 "Oh my god." She mumbled to herself, completely mortified. The evening had been going so well, and now…. all of this. Whose grave had she accidently stepped on today? 

 Erik awkwardly cleared his throat as he rose to his feet. "Um, I'm going to go."

 "I'm so sorry, Erik." She elbowed Hvitserk when he refused to release her hands, earning an 'oof' from him. Turning her body to give Erik her full attention, she continued, hoping this had not ruined their friendship or his night. "I know this is last minute but do you think you can give me a ride to work tomorrow? If you don't want to, that's fine, especially after all of this, I wouldn't blame you."

 "No, no. I mean, sure. It's not a problem. Just, ah, text me when you're ready."

 She smiled gratefully at him. "I will. Have a good night, Erik!"

 "You too, Kari." He gave her his signature boyish grin. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he looked at Hvitserk. "Nice meeting you."

 "Yeah, nice meeting you too." He said back, draping his arm once again behind Kari. 

 Erik gave Kari another brief smile before disappearing back inside his townhouse, the door sliding quietly shut behind him. 

 Hvitserk continued to stare where Erik disappeared for a long minute before muttering, "boy better watch himself."

 "What are you talking about?" She sighed out, feeling the lurking sensation of a stress headache coming on.  

 "He wants to fuck you. Ivar won't like that."

 "What is with…. No. I'm ignoring all of that." She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. "Ugh, my evening was going so well until an hour ago."

 "What happened? That guy showed up to bother you? Want me to tell him to lay off?" His questions came out in rapid-fire, concern infused in his voice. 

 "No, Erik is fine. It's …. it's nothing like that."

 "So, what happened?"

 "Nothing important. Have you heard from Ivar?"

 He raised a brow at her dismissal but changed the subject. "Yeah, looks like he got what he needed so he'll be back tomorrow morning."

 "Oh good."

 "Hmmm…. which means he'll want to take you out tomorrow."

 "He bought me some dresses." She softly confessed, fiddling with her diamond stud earring. 

 "I'd recommend wearing one of those."

 She swatted at him, only to mirror the easy grin on his face. After a moment, she asked, "I just…. is it weird for him to do that?" 

 "What?"

 "Buy me stuff."

 "Does it bother you?"

 "I don't know."

 "If you want my advice, I'd say to let him." He lifted a finger to silence her protest. Her mouth snapped shut at his pointed look. Once he was sure she would not interrupt him, he spoke. "Ivar has never been good with…. verbally expressing affection, something I am sure he learned from our father. So he buys gifts, something he can touch and control. If he's buying you gifts, not out of obligation but because he wants to spoil you, then you mean a lot to him."

 She pondered his words and how she felt about them. Never did she want Ivar to feel taken advantage of by her, especially in regards to his money. She would rather tear her own heart out than make him feel used again. It grated slightly how freely he wasted money on her. The dresses were lovely, something she could only dream of having with her current salary. But she worked hard for her life, to be independent. Even whenever they went out to eat together, he never let her pay for her own meal. She had given up that fight already but this…. It felt different. Yet what Hvitserk said slunk back to the forefront of her mind. If this was his way of showing affection, of letting her know he cared about her, would it do more damage to refuse his gift?

 "How did you become so insightful into Ivar?" She teased, deciding to think about this more later. 

 He laughed, flicking her ear with the hand he still had behind her. "Out of necessity. I don't think anyone can fully understand him, not even himself."

 "He's complex." She agreed. 

 "That's a nice way of putting it." He tipped his head to the side to meet her gaze. "Now, tell me what happened earlier."

 "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

 "Ivar told me to check on you. If I left you trying to hide tears and he found out, he'd probably break my hands or legs, not sure how particular he would be."

 Biting her bottom lip, she debated blowing him off again. It was not his problem, she could deal with her own issues. But there was something about Hvitserk that made her feel comfortable around him. Even though he was under no obligation, he seemed to actually care about her. 

 Finally, she gave in with a sigh, laying her head against his shoulder. "Alana said…. Um, this townhouse belongs to her uncle. Him and his family moved into a bigger home and instead of selling this place decided to rent it out for a little extra cash. The rent is minimal, since he isn't renting to really make a profit. It's honestly the only way I've been able to afford being here. Well, Alana told me earlier that he is having to increase our rent. She didn't really tell me why but now it's going to be an extra 300 a month…. and I don't have that. So unless I want to find somewhere new to live, it kind of looks like I need to get a second job."

 He waited a moment before flatly stating, "have Ivar pay the extra. Fuck, he'd probably pay your whole rent if you asked him too."

 "No! I don't want that!" She sat up so fast, it was a miracle she did not fall off the couch. Her eyes turned to the brother beside her, wide and pleading. "Please don't tell him, Hvitty! I don't want him thinking I'm using him for his money. I…. I need to do this on my own somehow. I'll figure it out, honestly. I just wasn't expecting this to happen, that's all."

 "You really don't care about our money, do you?"

 "No." It broke her heart a little at the shock in his questioning tone. Did any of them ever expect someone to care about them without the influence of their money? 

 He stared off into the distance before looking back at her with a solemn expression. "I'll make you a deal. I won't say anything to Ivar about this, but if you are struggling, even if it's just one month's payment, you come to me and I'll help until you get your head above water again, got it?"

 "Why would you want to help me?" She quietly asked, meeting his gaze. 

 He smirked. "I like you. You're genuine. Plus, you're also great for Ivar. I'd like you to stick around and if this is one way to help with that, it's an easy solution." He narrowed his eyes at her as she started to protest again. "Don't fight me on this."

 "You Lothbroks are unbelievable. Fine." She laid her head back on his shoulder. "Thank you, Hvitserk…. and thanks for coming to check on me."

 "Anytime. You've got my number. Just cause you're Ivar's woman doesn't mean we can't be friends. But my offer still stands, if you get sick of him, I'll be the first to snatch you up."

 She laughed, heart feeling lighter than it had all afternoon. "Stop. I'm not Ivar's woman."

 "You keep telling yourself that."

 They sat quietly for a few minutes, watching the sky change colors. 

 "Mmmm…."

 "What?" She looked up at him. 

 He peeked down at her with a shit-eating grin. "I still can't remember if I fucked your roommate or not."

 "Gods, Hvitserk!"

 *****

 Before she fell asleep that night, she checked her phone one last time. A jolt of elation shot through her when she saw an unread text from Ivar. Her fingers fumbled with how quickly she tried to unlock her phone to read the text. 

 Ivar: good nite, kitten. C u 2morrow.

 A silly smile on her face, she replied. 

 Kari: sweet dreams, Ivar.

 After that, she plugged in her phone and curled up under her covers. Relief and excitement bled into her veins, allowing her to drift off to sleep with thoughts of the dark-haired Lothbrok coming home to her.

[anothermansjeans]

And All These Little Things

Part 4: Your Determination

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: spencer absolutely loves Y/N’s determination when it comes to everything she does.

warnings: nothing but tooth rotting fluff!

word count: 1.8k

a/n: this did not go how i thought it would lmao, but i hope you like it!! <3

series masterlist | main masterlist

——————————————————————————

If there had to be one thing everyone that worked on the same floor of the BAU team could say they definitely knew, it would be how smitten Spencer was with Y/N. The only person who may not have been so aware was Y/N herself.

He knew he wasn’t too subtle when it came to the longing stares, the smiles meant just for her, or even when found himself standing by her desk at the end of the day like a lost puppy, waiting for her to finish up her files. They were all things he did on a daily basis when she was around. The latter though, well that’s something he told himself would be a one time thing.

Ever since their talk in the bullpen about her eyes needing to get checked, Spencer would wait on the edge of his seat every time she spoke to him, hoping that she set her appointment and they’d go together. When that day finally came, he counted down until the appointment.

With the countdown now being over, here Spencer was, in all of his lost puppy-look glory knowing that she would definitely try to take her time doing her work so that she’d miss the appointment all together.

He wasn’t going to let that happen though.

He didn’t care how determined she looked with the little crinkle between her eyebrows, slowly writing on the file in front of her, he was also determined. Determined to get her to that damn Optometrist.

And so he stayed by her desk for a couple more minutes, looking over to her when he heard a soft sigh. “Well,” she started, “it seems as though my vacation to hell has finally arrived.” She closed her last file and put it on her pile of other work getting it tidy before walking them over to Hotch.

She returned slowly, following Spencer out to his car. The ride there was pretty quick, much to her dismay, and as soon as they made their way into the building she was being whisked away for the eye pressure test.

Spencer knew exactly what was in store for her. He himself never liked the warm puff of air that shot at his eye during that test, so he could probably imagine how Y/N would react.

And when she returned to where he was seated, she looked… pissed.

“Why didn’t you tell me that would happen?”

He could either lie or tell the truth, and right now, her knowing the truth would probably cause them to leave the facility right then. “Um, I- I didn’t… know.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, staring into his eyes. “Dr. Spencer Reid not knowing something? Sounds fake.”

He waited a moment before relenting, “okay, but if I were to tell you, you most likely would’ve cancelled the appointment and you need to be able to see.”

“Yeah, well it’s like they’re trying to make me go blind before I actually get examined. I’ll end up paying a fortune.” She looked down at her cuticles as Spencer smiled at her retort.

“Y/N Y/L/N!” She whipped her head up from looking at her nails at the sudden shout of her name and faced the doctor. “If you’ll just follow me, we’ll get your examination done now.”

She bit her bottom lip, slowly standing up, waiting for Spencer to follow suit. When he did, she latched onto his arm, practically dragging her feet into the room.

She hopped up onto the chair as Spencer stood off to the side, wanting to give the doctor space, but not too much that would make Y/N uncomfortable.

“Alright, Y/N”, He started, “I’m Dr. Stevens. It says here that your last eye exam was a couple years ago.” Y/N gave a small nod as the doctor continued. “Okay, do you know when your vision started to get worse?”

Something about the way Y/N looks over to Spencer before answering sends butterflies flying through his stomach. He gave her a reassuring smile before she cleared her throat, looking back to Dr. Stevens.

“Um, I guess it’s been gradually getting harder to see far away, but it’s gotten far worse in the past month.”

The doctor hummed in response, writing something down before lookin back up at her. “And have there been any changes in your normal routine recently?”

Spencer watched as Y/N furrowed her brows in thought. He knew exactly what changed— but he was courteous enough to wait a moment before clearing his throat. “Uh- um, computer usage at work has increased. We’ve been at the office a lot more so that resulted in her staring at a monitor more often.”

She shot him a surprised look. It was a happy surprised look. Spencer could’ve sworn this was the first time she has even had an inkling that he paid attention to her far more than anyone else.

Nodding his head, Dr. Stevens went over the eye chart, and prepared it before standing in front of Y/N and doing the normal routine of asking her to follow the light that a small flashlight presented. He then held the occluder up to her left eye and asked her to read the chart.

Spencer couldn’t help but notice the tense yet determined posture Y/N held, and when she started to read off the letters, he knew she was trying to prove her vision wasn’t as bad as Morgan or Prentiss put it out to be.

“Okay, and the next letter or number?”

Y/N sucked in her bottom lip, obviously squinting her right eye as she tried to get the best letter correct. “Umm, A… no, no! That’s an E, that’s definitely an E.”

Spencer knew he was supposed to be there with Y/N as support, but he tried his hardest to keep his laugh in, because the letter she was so determined to get right was neither an A or E, but was in fact the number four.

It wasn’t too long until she had gone through the eye chart using her other eye, and she was now reading through the phoropter. When Dr. Stevens first asked her which lens was better, Y/N took a moment before answering, and as they kept going, she became even more uncertain of her choices.

“Now, which one looks better. One,” he switched the lens and Spencer could see Y/N hold on tighter to the chair’s arm rests, “or two?”

“Um… one?”

The questioning tone prompted the doctor to give her one last chance to look at both of them before saying, “there isn’t a right or wrong answer.”

That caused Spencer to quietly choke on a laugh, one of which he knew Y/N heard because of the clenched jaw she gave directly after the fact.

“Actually, I believe two is better.”

“Alright then.” The doctor moved the phoropter from her face, making Y/N give both him and Spencer a questioning glance. “I’m confident in saying that you’re nearsighted. I’ll write up a prescription for your lens, and will need to know if you’re getting contacts this evening.”

The dumbfounded look on her face really made Spencer want to laugh. It wasn’t necessarily funny so to say, more adorable. It was obvious that she was trying her hardest not to get told she needed corrections, so seeing her plan was foiled and she was surprised by it was the kicker.

Spencer continued to hold in his laughter as she aggressively shook her head. She definitely did not want to even think about putting contacts in.

And so as part of his support plan of being there, he followed her around the cases of frames, watching her take her time in finding the perfect pair that would not only be easy to work with in the field, but would suit her.

They had been going on hour two of being there when she’d finally picked a pair and paid, getting the normal “they should be here in two weeks” spiel, and when they made their way back to his car, she plopped into the passenger seat and immediately fiddled with the radio as Spencer started the car.

“Well I think because of the torture I went through— without asking to leave I might add— I should pick the music.”

He didn’t protest, letting her surf through channels until she landed onto something she liked. It didn’t take long though, because as soon as he heard the upbeat tune, she relaxed back in her seat, bobbing her head to the music. There was a comfortable silence between them as the music continued on, but it ended as soon as Y/N started to sing along.

He wasn’t very surprised by the fact that she had began to sing, but was taken aback when the words that had been spewing out of her mouth sounded more like gibberish.

“I’m pretty sure you haven’t used a real language since you started singing.”

Out of his peripheral, he saw her snap her head in his direction. She smiled and continued to sing— well, sing was a generous word. She was literally speaking nonsense at this point.

“First you were determined not to go to your appointment, then you tried so hard not to be told you need vision correction, and now you are just so determined to sing even though you know absolutely none of the words. I love that.” He let out a small chuckle that followed his whispered words.

“You seem to love a lot about me Dr. Reid”, she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her while giving him a small smile and turning down the radio. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He thought he was quiet enough so that Y/N couldn’t hear what he had said at the end, but it seems she’s proven that as her sight lessens, her hearing hightens. “I truly am a lovable person.”

After letting out a sigh of relief at the fact that she hadn’t called him out on anything else, he turned onto her street, quickly pulling up outside her apartment building.

She unbuckled and turned towards him, preparing to open up the car door. “Well, Spence, thank you for taking me to the scary eye doctor. You really are my knight in shining cardigan.”

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “Don't thank me. I’d prefer you’re able to see while out in the field, and if going to the ‘scary eye doctor’ with you helped, then I’m glad.”

She gave him one last smile in response, opening up the car door and dashing up to her apartment. Spencer sat there for a second more, replaying the day in his head. He supposed “determination” is one more thing he can check off the “things I absolutely love about Y/N” list.

——————————————————————————

permanent tag list: @openheart12 @boxofsparklingmuses @averyhotchner @dorotheuh @hey-there-angels @muffin-cup

series tag list: @spencers-dria @blameitonthenight21 @ssa-m-187 @unsaidmar @underscorecourt @saspencereid @reidyoulikeabook @coffeeandendlesswords @ssa-githae @ceeellewrites @lineupstars

let me know if you would like to be added or removed!

[inkandpen22]

Young Hearts Divided (3/?)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader / James Potter x Female!Reader 

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 2.3k 

Part Summary: As James and Sirius continue to act strangely, Y/N struggles to figure out the reason. When James asks her to do something, the pieces start to fall into place, leaving her even more confused than before. 

Masterlist

James and I study for History of Magic all afternoon following copying Lily’s notes. James is lucky I actually understand History, otherwise, we’d both be in trouble. As I go over the chapter with him, he takes notes for the first time on this portion of the book. During class, he’s usually sleeping or doodling. It’s rather distracting being his seat partner, especially when he asks me to play Tic-Tac-Toe with him. One of us has to pay attention because we can depend on Lily to cover us. 

“What led to the Goblin Rebellion of 1612?” I quiz James. 

He taps his chin with a quill, thinking up an answer. After it takes longer than it should, I lean back in my chair with a raised brow. Unable to withhold my amusement, I snicker at my struggling friend. He’s toast, this exam is going to wreck his marks. 

He whines, reaching across the table to gently grab my arm pleadingly. “Help me!” 

I giggle, sliding my book toward him. “Read up. You’re going to need it!” 

He whines some more, childishly pouting. “But I hate reading,” he groans, tossing his head back. As an idea pops into his head, he perks up, “summarize it for me?” 

I open my mouth to protest, unsure if I’ll do it justice, but James cuts me off eagerly. 

“I’ll make it up to you!” He insists. “I’ll… I’ll…” he struggles to think up compensation. Then, he snaps his fingers, pointing at me as another apparently brilliant thought crosses his mind. “I’ll take you to Hogsmeade this weekend!” 

“See! You already got a part of it,” I point out, ignoring his silly offer as I bring my textbook back to me considering he’s clearly not going to use it. “Hogsmeade is where the rebellion occurred! Tell me more.” 

He rolls his eyes at my seriousness, a hint of a smirk on the edge of his lips. Leaning forward, he crosses his arms on the table between us. “I’m serious Y/N,” he whispers so Professor Pince doesn’t shush us. “Let’s go to Hogsmeade this weekend.” 

Our group has never missed a Hogsmeade weekend. Any excuse to mess around drunk off firewhiskey and butterbeer is our preferred free time activity. Except for Lily and Remus, they play the parents. 

“James… everyone is going there this weekend…” I state a matter-of-factly with amusement before turning to write down in my notebook. 

“No, I mean….” he pauses, licking his lips nervously as he avoids my eyes. Evidently, he’s unsure of his words. 

I place my quill down, his hesitation earning my attention. It’s not like James to sound so anxious. What is wrong with everyone today? Did someone pour a spell in their pumpkin juice at breakfast today? It was probably a short term spell from Malfoy or Snape, a payback prank. I guess it’s a good thing I slept in. 

“James,” I place my hand on his comfortingly. His eyes break away from the space between us and meet mine with amazement. “It’s okay,” I laugh softly. “You can say anything to me, safe space here.” I wave my finger in a circle to gesture to our table. 

He laughs, nodding his head in understanding. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right…. I know. You’ve always been really easy to talk to Y/N. Uh, which is somewhat why I wanted to… um… ask you to Hogsmeade… You know, to go to Hogsmeade with me,” he stammers nervously, combing his fingers through his hair with his free hand. 

“Go with you as you go on your date?” I seek to clarify, still kind of lost in translation. 

He narrows his eyes, somewhat confused himself. “Yes…” he answers, making it sound more like a question. 

I nod at a steady pace, processing his words. Okay, well, this day has been anything but average. It’s not even supper time and already two Marauders have suddenly expressed interest in me. One minute, we’re all just friends and the next two of the most infamous playboys at Hogwarts are claiming to have feelings for me. I swear to Godrick Gryffindor if Peter or Remus stop me in the hall to confess their love I’m packing my things and going into hiding. Plus, I could’ve sworn James was head over heels in love with Lily? He told me so multiple times. Whenever he gets drunk we have a heart-to-heart about it. He asks me for advice and I assure him to be himself. Could his feelings have changed without me noticing? It’s hard to believe, but not impossible I suppose. 

Not wanting to hurt him, I accept the offer, “Yeah, yeah sounds good.” 

He smiles brightly, enthused by my answer. “Okay, um yeah, cool!” 

What harm could it do? I’m sure nothing will come from it anyway, James is pretty filthy with his affections. He’s been claiming to be in love with Lily since First Year but has dated girls since them. I’m sure I would even call it dating, they were more like flings here and there. I suspect James might just be confused or annoyed with Lily not reciprocating his affections, so he’s looking to me for some guidance. I don’t mind helping my friend figure out what he wants, as long as he doesn’t act irrationally. 

One problem though, how is Sirius going to react? We aren’t exactly together, but we can’t ignore what occurred at the lake today. He’ll be with us at Hogsmeade, we always go together as a group. I hold the necklace that Sirius gave me between my fingers without James noticing. What a confusing chain of events. I’m not sure what to think. I’m not sure what either of their intentions is. I never thought any of this would ever happen. I wonder if Sirius’s outburst during lunch has something to do with James’s offer? The two seemed rather harsh with each other. James clearly knew that Sirius and I were down at the lake considering he was next to Sirius in Potions and likely read the correspondence as Marlene did. My next thoughts are: how much does he know? Does he know what Sirius said? Does he know what he gave me? If so, does that have anything to do with him asking me to Hogsmeade? Is it all a competition with him? I’m utterly lost and all I can do is see how it pans out. I don’t want to shout accusations and end up hurting someone by accident. It’s odd, I’m both looking forward to this weekend and somewhat dreading it.

James and I decide to skip dinner, staying at the library to cram for History after James gets a sudden urge to study. James finishes telling me a humorous story about his family’s vacation many years ago when we returned to the tower after sundown. 

“My dad was soaked-” He describes with amusement. 

“Password?” The Fat Lady interrupts as we approach. 

“magia enim quisque est,” James answers, not missing a beat. He doesn’t even glance at the portrait. The Fat Lady swings open, revealing the passageway as James continues his story. “I thought my mom was going to topple over, she was laughing so hard!” 

I cover my mouth, laughing at James’s words. I’ve never had the privilege of meeting the Potters like some of the others. They sound like really fun from what I’ve heard from James and Sirius. 

Our friends are gathered in front of the fire. The fire is the main source of light in the room other than some weak candlesticks on the walls. Peter and Remus in opposite armchairs, with Lily sitting on the floor resting against Remus’s seat. Marlene is sitting on the floor directly in front of the fireplace, playing cards with Lily on the coffee table. Sirius sits at the far end of the couch, appearing to be venting to Remus. Everyone’s attention turns us when they hear us appearing in the Common Room. James and I stop, our shared laughter settling down as we peer at our friends. 

“You two were busy,” Marlene remarks with a smirk as she lays down a card on the table. 

“Yeah, you missed dinner,” Peter reminds us, sounding rather distressed by the idea. 

“Eh,” James shrugs, not too fazed by the matter. He presses his hand to my back, guiding me to sit on the couch with him. 

I follow his lead, not physically reacting to the presence of his hand through my mind is racing.

 “We can go grab something from the kitchens later,” he adds with a wink as grabs my waist to cross in front of me and sit in the middle, between me and Sirius. 

I blush, not used to receiving so much attention from James. I mean, I’ve known him since we were eleven so I’ve been the receiver of his relentless flirtatious personality, but now I’m starting to think it’s not unintentional. I ease down on the cushion, crisscrossing my legs comfortably. 

“You’re not allowed to do that,” Remus warns, knowing well enough that James won’t listen. “Unless you want another months’ detention.” 

James casually rests his arm on my leg as if he’s done it a thousand times before. Lily and Marlene silently look up from their cards, taking note of the action. They look between me and James’s arm as his thumb rubs against my knee. I share their looks of astonishment without the boys noticing as they’re too distracted by James and Remus going back and forth. I have no doubt this will be the hot topic when we head to bed. I exhale deeply, subconsciously picking at my nails, a nervous habit. 

“Did you hear what happened to that First Year in Herbology?” Lily is quick to change the subject. “Apparently a Slytherin boy fainted!” 

“Isn’t there a kid who faints every year on Mandrake day?” Marlene laughs, returning to their card game. 

“Not surprised it was a Slytherin,” James remarks mockingly with a chuckle. “They’re such pansies.” 

I frown at James’s words, my eyes focused on my lap. I have friends in Slytherin, they’re decent people. Granted, their house has a bad reputation, but that doesn’t mean they’re all bad. I have family members who were in Slytherin, they’re not evil or anything. Shoot, I could’ve been a Slytherin, the Sorting Hat debated on it. It saw motivation and cunningness in me, in fact, it nearly outweighed my Gryffindor qualities. 

“Forget that!” Peter nearly bursts with excitement in his chair next to me. “Did you hear about Snape?!” 

“Peter!” Lily snaps uncharacteristically at the boy. 

James and I jump slightly at the rudeness of Lily’s outburst, my hand gripping his on my knee instinctively. James glances down at my hand and I swiftly remove it. Peter cowers into his chair as though he was just reprimanded by a parent. My eyes flicker between the two, brows high like everyone else’s, except for James who continues to look at me admiringly. 

“What happened?” Sirius finally speaks, grumbling disinterestedly. Did he just miss Lily snapping? After that, he still has the guts to ask what happened? That’s bold. 

Lily glares at the jet black-haired boy. I lean forward peering in front of James to see Sirius’s reaction. He appears unfazed, slouching into the cushion beside James. His features are sharp, covered with evident frustration and annoyance. 

On that note, I think I’m going to excuse myself before things get too heated. Frankly, I don’t really care what happened with Snape. The boys obsess over picking on him and Lily worries for her childhood friend. Though I don’t condone bullying, I don’t care to get involved. I’m civil with both parties. 

“I’m going to head to bed,” I announce, already moving to stand up. 

Protests erupt amongst the group, each of them talking over each other. The only silent parties are James and Sirius. Sirius hadn’t reacted, starring ahead at the fire with a frown. 

James peers up at me with disappointed eyes, waiting for silence. “But I thought we were going to sneak down to the kitchens?” He pouts, holding my hand loosely. 

“And risk getting a detention?” I chuckle at the boy. 

“That didn’t seem to stop you this afternoon,” Sirius mumbles bitterly under his breath, not having the decency to look at me in the eye as does. 

James looks over his shoulder at his best friend. In unison, our friends begin to talk over each other again, this time exchanging their farewells and excuses for heading to bed. I’ve never seen Lily shove cards into their box so urgently before. I thought Remus was going to trip over himself, he leaped up so quickly from his seat. Now, the three of us are left alone in the Common Room. Sirius hasn’t even flinched once despite the chaos that just occurred around him. His eyes remain in narrow slits as they focus ahead on the burning fire. James burns holes into his friend, waiting for some sort of reaction. His hand continues to hold mine, it’s the only reason I’m still here. I would’ve safely run off with the others given the chance. I sort of feel like I’m rudely watching a private moment between best friends. Do I say something? In my defense, I wanted to leave before everyone else did. 

Building up the courage to break the silence, I slip my hand from James’s and stutter, “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go.” Hopefully, that won’t make either of them burst or something. Urgently, I pick up my books off the side table next to the couch. 

James and Sirius both snap their heads in my direction. Okay, not what I had hoped. I freeze, unsure of what to do or say. I have two pairs of eyes pouring into me. One pair black, the other hazel. I press my books to my chest nervously. 

Suddenly, the sound of the Fat Lady opening interrupts us. Professor McGonagall appears from the dark archway in her robe and cap. Her distraught expression makes my heart sink. James and Sirius both fly up from their seated positions behind me, sharing in my worry. Already predicting what this may be about, I’m too afraid to move.

__________________________________

Tags: @hannah220506​ @devilstradegy

Masterlist

[petersasteria]

The Forces of Nature || Ch.16

Pairing: Peter Parker x Superhero!Reader Summary: “There’s this kid out there that can control the wind or something. I think she’s a great addition to the team. Let’s recruit her.” 1,602 words Series Masterlist || Parker

“The swine flu has been worse recently. We don’t know where he lives exactly, but he’s definitely mad.” Rhodey told everyone as they played footage of The Violent Swine on the big screen. “Yesterday, he killed five people and injured one person.”

“How awful.” Y/N sighed and shook her head. She wasn’t a fan of violence. In fact, it was one of the reasons why she was hesitant to join the team when Peter asked her. “What should we do? We haven’t started yet. When will we act? We’re just sitting here doing these stupid meetings talking about ‘our plans’! We barely did anything!” She exclaimed, getting angry and impatient.

“Calm down, Avatar.” Tony said, but she wasn’t having any of it.

“Calm down?! I’m sorry, but I can’t calm down. I can’t sit here while innocent people are dying because of this angry and vengeful man who’s clearly getting our attention. Let’s just act. Screw the plan!” Y/N pointed out. Steve nodded in understanding and agreement. Everyone was quiet for a while.

“Look, I’m sorry for lashing out.” Y/N said quietly. “I’m just mad that we haven’t gone into action yet. I know it’s dangerous, but isn’t our job protecting people? Isn’t that what the Avengers are for? I joined all of you because I want to help people. I didn’t join here to sit and watch them die until a plan was formed. Let’s just go for it.”

“She’s right.” Wanda said as she gave Y/N a small smile. “We should go for it.”

“So, there’s no plan?” Bucky asked.

“We’ve been training our asses off. I think it’s time to put our skills to use.” Y/N mentioned.

“Okay. Let’s just update Parker. Speaking of, where’s Peter?” Tony asked and looked at Y/N. She looked at him and said, “He stayed at home to take care of aunt May. She’s sick.”

“Okay, then. I’ll just text him about the meeting.” Tony said before pulling out his phone to text.

“Y/N, shouldn’t you be going home? It’s, like, 7PM.” Steve told her in concern. Y/N glanced at her watch and her eyes widened. Steve was right.

“Shoot! I have to go. Eunice is taking the night shift tonight and she said she’d only leave when I get home so that she knows I’m safe.” Y/N said as she hastily got up from her seat and packed her things.

“I’m glad that someone’s looking after you, Y/N. You’re lucky.” Nat smiled softly. Y/N smiled back, “Thank you. Eunice is a blessing sent from heaven. I’d be nothing without her and I'd probably live in the streets if I never met her.”

Once she was done shoving everything in her bag, she said goodbye to everyone and left. She rushed home and if she was being honest, the journey home was all a blur. She smiled to herself when the view of her apartment building came to view as she walked from the train station. She smiled at the couple who were going down the stairs as she was going up.

She had a skip in her step when she arrived at her floor. She took out her key from her jean pocket, but frowned when she saw the front door slightly open. She pushed the door open and said, “Eunice, I think you left the door o- AH!”

She cut herself off with a gasp. Suddenly she couldn’t scream and only tears streamed down her face. She shakily brought a hand to her mouth as the other hand shut the door behind her. The sight was traumatic. She was so busy taking in the sight that she failed to notice the words ‘overthrow gaia’ on the wall written with blood. Eunice’s blood, she assumed.

“Oh my god.” Y/N said as she cried. She broke down and fell to the ground. She carefully crawled to Eunice’s lifeless body and looked at her.

She didn’t know what to do. There were so many questions in her head that needed answers. Y/N knew she could see memories, but so far, all she’s been seeing were her own memories. She figured that she could see Eunice’s last memory before she died with the blood that surrounded her.

“I hope this works, oh my god.” Y/N sniffed before putting her hands on the floor. Tears, leaves and mud worked with seeing memories. Blood, however, doesn’t work. This frustrated Y/N because she wanted to see who did this cruel thing.

She looked at Eunice’s face and saw three letters carved on her forehead. ‘T.V.S’ it said. Y/N was angrier now. She grabbed her phone and called Clint.

“Hey, Y/N! We just saw you. What’s up?”

“Eunice is dead.” Y/N said bluntly as she cried. “I-I found her lying on the floor and there’s blood everywhere! I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay, we’ll be there ASAP. Call the police and don’t touch her, okay? Stay away from Eunice.” Clint said as he informed everyone about what happened.

Y/N nodded as she moved away from Eunice. She leaned against the wall as she sat on the floor, “Please come soon, okay?”

“Okay, we promise that. Call 911.” Clint said before hanging up. Y/N catches her breath first before calling 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?” The lady asked.

“My guard- my best friend is dead. She- She’s surrounded with her own blood in the living room. I just got home and I don’t know what to do.” Y/N cried hysterically.

“Okay, what’s your address?”

Y/N gave all her details and the lady said, “They’re already on their way, okay? Stay on the phone until they get there.”

“Okay.” Y/N cried.

Clint, Wanda, Thor, Nat, and Steve arrived at the same time as the police and the paramedics. The door was aggressively pushed open by one of them and you didn’t care. “They’re here.” You croaked out.

The paramedics came in and handled Eunice’s body and the police asked Y/N some questions and that annoyed her.

“Look, I don’t know, okay?!” Y/N cried. “I told you everything! I came home from a meeting and I saw her lying on the floor with blood surrounding her! That’s everything I know!”

The five Avengers comforted Y/N while the police told her that they’ll be investigating more about it and that she needed to stay at someone else’s place.

“You can stay at the compound. You’re welcome to stay there as long as possible.” Nat said before pulling Y/N in for a hug.

On the files and records, it said that Eunice was murdered. Outing himself, the police already knew that The Violent Swine was behind this. Deciding he was ‘some kind of alien or something’, the police said he was hard to catch and they closed the case already. This angered Y/N until the funeral. She heavily invested her time finding out what happened to Eunice instead of grieving with Eunice’s family who she just got to know. Y/N didn’t give herself a chance to grieve and it was getting all too much and she didn’t want to admit it.

When the funeral was over, Y/N was left behind. She didn’t know that the Avengers arrived after everyone left. It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she knew of their presence.

“We’re sorry for your loss.” Tony said softly. Y/N could only nod.

“I will never forgive The Violent Swine for this.” She said softly. “We need to catch him now. I don’t care how we’ll do it.”

The next few days were spent locating and going to where The Violent Swine is, but when they arrived at the scene, The Violent Swine had already left.

Coming home from another failed mission, the Avengers went to the meeting room with frustrated looks on their faces.

“Why can’t we fucking catch him?!” Bucky exclaimed.

“He’s always one step ahead and it’s frustrating, but we need to be two steps ahead of him.” Bruce told everyone.

“How will we do that?” Peter asked as he took off his mask and ruffled his hair. “It’s difficult.”

Rhodey looked at the screen while everyone was talking about the next step, when Rhodey saw something unusual.

“Guys.” He said. When no one stopped talking, he raised his voice. “Guys!”

Everyone looked at him and Sam asked, “What?”

Rhodey turned to all of them and said, “The Violent Swine left New York.”

“Where is he now?” Scott asked. “Is he in Vegas? Is he on vacation?”

“He’s in Greece.” Rhodey answered. “He’s bringing the battle to Greece. I don’t know why, but we’re going there. Let’s finish him.”

“I’m down.” Y/N said without hesitation.

“Y/N, we have school.” Peter pointed out. “We can’t just leave.”

“I don’t care. He killed Eunice and he’ll pay.” Y/N glared at Peter before looking at Rhodey. “Count me in. I’ll get a passport and everything, I don’t care anymore. A final exam isn’t going to stop me from getting him.”

“Fine.” Peter said. “I’m in too.” The two teens looked at each with a small smile on their faces.

“We’re going to Greece, then.” Tony finalized. “When are we leaving?”

“...Now? Knowing him, he’ll start chaos as soon as he arrives.” Nat said, earning a chorus of agreements from everyone.

“You know what to do.” Steve said, everyone turning to him. With a hint of eagerness in his eyes he said, “Avengers, assemble.”

* * * *

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @blueleatherbag @cocoamoonmalfoy @thatforgottenangel @parkerpeter24 @slutforsr @givebuckyhisplumsnow @buckys-little-hoe @runawayolives @chewymoustachio @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @beverlythrillz @pearce14 @juliediggory @yaya4302 @alexx-stancati @rumplebutterbaby @dummiesshort @spideyspeaches @moonlight-onyx @marvelsimps @angelsgrxzer @dreamy-clousds @bora-world @hunnybunimdun @supred12 @more-like-reyna @caitsymichelle13 @aayaissaa @oliviabren03 @wannabemobwife @bigassnocash

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @alinastarkrovs @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz @moonchild-s-blog

[pinkpetalwaterimagine]

On the edge... (Charlie Gillespie) part 1

A/N : So sorry guys, I’m posting it again here, anyway enjoy. Don’t hesitate to point out any mistakes. 

Bonne lecture ❤️

Summary : It’s not that you are insecure but seing Charlie and the onscreen chemistry he has with Madison is making you uncomfortable. And it obviously lead to a fight.

Word count : 2,1 k  

Somehow you had passed your exam with a flying hand and you were ready to rest during your vacations. Vacations that were obviously well deserved. Charlie, your boyfriend, was currently shooting with Kenny Ortega in Vancouver. Living quite far from there you could not go see Charlie every other weekend. However you decided to go on set with everyone during your vacations. 

You have already met the whole crew, they were really nice to you, and immediately you felt included in there tight knit group. 

You were just so excited to see Charlie after months of separation. You had missed him just as much as he had missed you. 

He did not know you were coming to surprise him, it was supposed to be, well, a surprise. You took an uber to Charlie and Owen’s apartment. Those boys really hide their key under their doormat. Do they know that this is dangerous ? 

You enter the flat and were met with silence, the boys might still be at the studio or filming or whatever actors do. You took time to take a long shower to wash off the sweat from the flight. You even took a small nap to regenerate. 

You heard loud voices in the hall and you just knew that one of the voices belonged to your boyfriend. A bright smile already on your lips as you waited for him to enter his house. Owen was the first one to acknowledge you. 

« Y/N ! How are you doing ! What are you doing here ? We are so happy to see you ! » he embraced you in a hug, not for too long because Charlie pulled him off of you. 

He did not say anything he just took you in his arms, for a long time, kissing the top of your head again and again. When he released you just a bit, he tilted his head and kissed you like it has been a long time you havent seen him. But he has been a long time and oh how you craved his soft and rosy lips. The others were doing anything but looking at you, it wasn’t that they were embarrassed it’s just that this was an intimate moment that the two of you hadn’t since a long time and they wanted to respect at least a bit of your privacy. Only Charlie and you were standing in the hall anymore, the others were already on the couch or on the floor, ready for movie night. 

« I missed you so much, I am so happy you are here, you can’t even imagine » Charlie said whispering in your ear, sending chills down your spine. 

«  I missed you too, that’s why I’m here after all. » you chuckled in the crook of his neck. 

He led you to the living room with all the others, never leaving you. He always had a hand on the small of your back, or on your thigh. It has been such a long time since you have seen each other that he didn’t want to miss a single thing about you.   

You said hello to everyone, happy those familiar faces again. You were just ready to chill with everyone. 

You were about to sit on the couch next Owen and Jeremy, when you felt a pair of hands grabbing your hips and making you sit on Charlie’s lap. 

« Where do you think you’re going » you giggled at his act. 

They were something about Charlie that always make you giggle or blush and more generally acting like a schoolgirl. You swear sometimes you think his goal is to make you blush so much that you were as red as a tomato. But you loved your goofy, cute man. 

« Thank you Y/N for being here ! Really, we can’t hear Charlie complaining about not seeing you or how much he misses you. » Jeremy said and Charlie has a deep shade of red on his cheeks. 

You thought he was really cute to go and talk about how much he misses you. You know that he wasn’t just on your part that those months of being apart were hard. The night goes on and the smile you had never left your lips. Charlie had his arms wrapped around your waist the whole time, and he was always making quiet comments about the movie you were watching or just kissing you under the ear and so on. `

Everyone fell asleep in uncomfortable positions and the next morning all of them has knots in their back. 

« Ok guys, you need to leave or you’re going to be late on set ! » you exclaimed trying to wake all of those people but no one moved. « C’mon guys, you need to get moving » as you were trying to shake them all up, your arm was pulled by Charlie and you fell on him. He had still his eyes closed even though he was smirking. 

« Do you want to come with us on set ? » Charlie asked with a groggy voice. 

«  Yes ! » 

« You just waited for me to ask you right ? » you blushed at his words. You didn’t want to impose your presence to the staff and all the actors. 

The day you decided to join all of your friends on set, they had to film the scene between Charlie and Madi where they sang perfect harmony. You knew that supposedly nothing was going on between them, but it was just the way Luke looked at Julie. You tried to convince yourself that this was nothing, it was just on-screen chemistry nothing more. But they both looked so pretty and handsome and you couldn’t not feel bad about yourself. 

At the end of the scene everyone clapped and congratulated the both actors who executed perfectly the routine. Charlie made Madi spin, both giggling. You heart broke a little but you tried to not let it shows. Everyone was so cheerful and happy. 

You put on a fake smile and got on with the day. You hung around makeup and costumes and tried to help as much as you could, from setting the buffet for everyone to painting some decors. 

————————————

Everyday for a week, you accompanied the band to the studio, but as the days goes by you couldn’t not notice the constant banter between Charlie and Madi. It wasn’t that you were jealous or anything, of course he was « allowed » to speak to other girls. It’s just that they seemed to understand each other on a deeper level. On a music level that you could never understand. You could sing under the shower but you didn’t knew how to play any instruments or writing any lyrics. 

« Don’t you think that this song is such a killer song ?! » asked Owen, excited, almost crushing you on the couch where you rested.

« Hum ? Which one ? Even though they’re all amazing! » 

«  Well the one Charlie and Madi wrote together » you looked at him in disbelief. « Yeah, perfect harmony ! » 

A whirlwind of thoughts came into your mind and made your insecurities come back at full speed. 

« Oh… no I did not know that. » you said quietly, like if you spoke too loud you would break down in tears. And Owen saw right through you. 

« Are you okay ? You know that it is just a song ? » 

« Yeah, yes I know, it’s just since this morning I’m not feeling good. I think I’m going to head back to the house. If Charlie asks … » you topped mid-sentence, was he really going to ask ? 

You couldn't answered that question being a hundred percent sure. 

You took your stuff and left the studio. 

Charlie just ended another scene and went to look for you. « hey Owen ? Have you seen Y/N ? » he asked a bit worried and with a small frown on his forehead. 

« She went back, said she didn’t felt well » 

Well that’s weird, thought Charlie. She would've told him if she wasn’t feeling well. He shook his head and focus on the next scene he had to play before heading back home. 

You were laying on your guys bed, crying your eyes out not really knowing why they were so much waterfalls. 

You heard the front door open and you recognized the voices of the three boys that played the ghosts. You quickly shut your eyes, trying to make Charlie believe you were asleep. 

Charlie entered the room and saw the girl he loved with her head buried in a pillow, she seemed asleep. He sighed and closed the door on his way out. He didn’t understand why all of a sudden you were so cold to him. He didn’t remember having done something bad or wrong. He tried to replay in his mind everything that happened that week without founding anything. 

« Are you alright ? » asked Jeremy concerned at the face his friend was making. 

« Yeah, it’s just I don’t know why Y/N is giving me the cold shoulder. » he sighed, his head between his hands. 

After a few hours of hiding in the room, you decided to fix yourself, make somehow your eyes a little less puffy. You tried to pass by the living room without noise, not ready to confront the boys or anyone for that matter. 

You thought you had made it to the kitchen without making your presence known. But as you closed the fridge’s door and turned towards the table you were faced with Charlie’s hazel eyes. 

« How are you ? » he asked softly, you felt your throat tightened. « Fine » you croaked. 

He knew they were something wrong. 

«  You know you can talk to me, I’m here babe » Charlie mumbled. You tried avoiding his gaze. He stepped softly towards you, almost chest to chest. 

« I don’t want to talk about it » you muttered. « well I think we have to. You have that sad look in your eyes and it saddens me ! » 

« I don’t want to do this now, the boys are just in the living room ! » 

« But I want to help you, let me help you! » his voice was raising higher and higher. 

« Ne fais pas ça maintenant s’il te plait » (don’t do this now) you exclaimed in French so that the boys wouldn’t understand what was happening, even if the knew that you were fighting, no need to be a genius to realize that. 

« Oh so now we are talking French ?! Why ?! You don’t want our friends to know that we are not this perfect little couple they think we are ! » Charlie snapped. 

« Ne m’humilie pas de la sorte ! Je pense que tu l’as déjà assez fait cette semaine! » (don’t humiliate me like that, you already did it enough all week) you seeped. Your head was beginning to spin from all the crying and the shouting didn’t help. 

« Mais qu’est ce que tu racontes bon sang! » (what are you talking about for god’s sakes) Charlie spat, his Canadian accent resurrecting strongly. 

« Okay, you want to know what I’m talking about ? I’m talking about you and Madison, I know that I should not be jealous but you are so close to her via music and filming and so close to her as well as in not far away. How do you expect for me to not see that. To not see the chemistry you two has on screen ?! » You were between yelling and sobbing uncontrollably. Charlie stayed silent for a moment not knowing what to answer to this. 

« You know, and I’ve told you countless of times that we are nothing more than friends ! She is young » Charlie exclaimed 

« Oh because if she was older, you would definitely take her on a date ?! » you exclaimed, hurt by his words. The both of you stayed silent for a bit of time. A heavy silence. 

« Of course not, you’re the one I like. The only one I love. Yes, we are not together 24/7, but I love you Y/N. No one else but you, why can’t you see that ? » Charlie insisted, his hair tugging at his now shorter hair. 

« I think I should go back for a bit. I’ll see you later » you said in a breath. 

« Dont do this to me, don't do this to me Y/N! I’m begging you » he pleaded. 

You knew you had to get away for a bit of time, you didn’t knew if your relationship could hold after this full blown out but you’ll live. At least you hoped. You ran straight into Charlie’s room and packed your bags not meeting the boys gazed. They heard everything, and it pained you to have them involved in such a fight. 

As soon as you slammed the door of the bedroom, the boys ran straight into the kitchen, they found Charlie on the barstool looking down at his hands, a single tear running down his cheek. 

They didn’t knew what to say, are you okay seemed a bit insensitive after what they all heard. They took a sit next to him and pat his back. Sometimes a small gesture is worth a million words. Charlie knew that he will always has his friends, they were like family, but so was Y/N. But apparently not anymore.

[beauregard-s]

Cherry Vodka [Part I] | Richie T. + Eddie K.

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Reader x Eddie Kaspbrak (21+)

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: language, nsfw material but no explicit sex (yet), alcohol, polyamory mention, kind of a modern au too

Anon said:  “ okay so based off that art you reblogged of the richie x bev x eddie, what about like a reader x richie x eddie fluffy smut based off that (i hope that makes sense bahahha)”

A/n: Yeah, I had to split it in two parts because 7k words... I’m sorry it took me so long to post it, dear anon, if you’re still outta there. I rewrote and changed the plot of this one three times and it’s inspired by this post and by the song Sleep Apnea by Beach Fossils, by the way.

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“Richie…” “What, doll?” You felt his hand trailing down the small of your back, slowly and treacherously. 

You rolled your eyes from your book to meet Richie’s little smirk. He had his black wayfarers on, even though the sun was down in the horizon now, and behind those you knew his eyes have been glazing all over you. He was all careless laying on his side right next to you on the towel, unruly wind-dried curly hair, head up resting on a hand, the other free one teasing you because he just couldn’t help it when you’d put on that black high-cut swimsuit of yours. Eddie shared the curly-haired boy thoughts but, on the other hand, he laid peacefully flat on his back by your right side. Arms resting under his head, eyes closed, but here and there he’d peek at your and Richie’s constant bickering. You, laying on your stomach in between them, were still in your swimsuit from earlier. After lunch, it was Richie’s idea to go to this lake nearby by his parents' vacation house. It was also Richie’s idea to spend spring break there. Usually, your break trips would include their other friends, who ended up being your friends too over time, but that was being a harsh semester for quite everyone. With Bill and Stan stuck with their academic duties, the best idea was to drive to the Tozier’s vacation house in a small town in Pennsylvania. It was a simple, untouched, two-floor house. Richie told in the car his parents bought it when he was a teenager so they could travel and spend some time there, but ended up not doing that as much as they intended on once it was too far from his city. “For fuck’s sake, Richie!” Laughing was not what you intended, but you did it and you heard Eddie giggling behind you. Richie’s hand had finally made its way to your hips now, while he leaned closer. “Come on, toots. Just one kiss…” He whispered in his best charming tone, but you pushed him away, playing cool although you felt your cheeks burning, the known hots already hitting you like a truck. “No! Fuck off… I already told you we should stop doing this,” you muttered. “You always say that,” it was Eddie who reasoned, and you turned for him, eyes threatening him with no words while he shrugged. “Yeah, and I’m sticking to it,” you retorted. Indeed. It had been over a month since you last… Did what you did. “Plus I think Stan has been suspicious…” Richie snorted, “yeah, like lil old he would give a single fuck about it, y/n.” You breathed out, closing the book because now your concentration was ruined. Richie, Eddie, and you met at the creative writing class, 8 am on Tuesdays, your first semester of college. You remembered as it was today how you found them “lost” less than 10 feet away from the lecture hall but arguing like an old couple without realizing that. You helped them find the right way, and Richie flirted with you as you walked into the class, while Eddie scoffed at him for making them get lost and almost late. You knew those boys had been friends their entire life, but from that moment on the three of you became inseparable. If someone needed to find one of you on the campus, the other two would probably be found at the same place. The pureness of your friendship didn’t last long. It only lasted until the first party you went to together, when you lost to Richie at a snooker game and he claimed a kiss as his prize, the smooth motherfucker he was. You kissed him and only that, but ten minutes later you were making out in the bathroom. You made him swear he wouldn’t make things complicated between you two and he had been keeping his promise ever since. Eddie was a whole out of the curve story though. After what happened at said party, you noticed how fidgety he got about the matter of you and Richie been together once, although he did a great job hiding it. Took a while for him to leave it alone, but you didn’t. Something pestering inside wouldn’t let you. You were at his dorm, studying for a complicated final exam while the sky fell apart in rain outside when you asked him why he got upset. He denied to his death he had jealousy of you and Richie running through his veins, but you knew he was lying when his eyes started to avoid yours, saying ‘Richie’s a better ladies' man, anyway’. You shoot your shot without really thinking about it, told him ‘he was just as desirable as Richie’ and it seemed to light a spark between you two. You were the one who leaned closer but he closed the gap, nervously, pulling you into his lap as soon as you kissed him back, building up his confidence. Just like when Richie and you had your thing, you felt no need to hide from him what happened between you and Eddie. It was an embarrassing talk, but it worked. The three of you quickly and naturally warmed up to the facts: you were friends with benefits with both of them and there was nothing complicated about that for you. But you wanted to keep it low because casually making out with your best friends regularly here and there over time whenever you all desired to was none of people business. Eddie rolled over to lay on his stomach, just like you were, shoulder to shoulder. After a couple days constantly under the sun, you noticed he had more freckles than usual over his nose and cheeks, a few on his shoulders. “You’re being more uptight about it all than me, and everyone knows that being more uptight than me is a big deal...” His self depreciative statement made you flash a half-smile, but didn't stop you from leering at his soft lips because you remembered how he tasted like mint whenever you’d kiss. And it had been a long time since you did for the last time. “I’m just being cautious, Spagheddie.” He smiled at the silly nickname, just when you freed yourself from Richie’s grip, grabbed your book and got up, leaving them on the grass while you walked towards the backdoor. “Where ya’ goin’?” Richie called, but you didn’t look back. “Taking a shower!” You shouted. ‘I fucking need to cool down,’ you thought to yourself. In your silly head, about a year ago, this whole situation was a great idea. Now you found yourself utterly screwed. There was pining going on since the very first beginning in between you and them. You always knew it was there, you just didn’t expect it to escalate like it did. You thought once you had tasted from Richie and Eddie, you’d be done. Checked them out of your possibilities, life goes on, but now you were bonded to them in a way you never intended on. You fell for them. For both of them. And that was making you act up. Since your high school years you understood you were an afraid-of-commitment kind of person. No big deal, no attachments, no pain, so you weren’t ready to fall for a single person alone. Falling for two at the same time made your brain short circuit. You had debated the matter with yourself multiple times before. Since you became aware of it happening, you weren’t able to choose between them, you didn’t even know someone was capable of splitting their feelings like that. Your only solution was to stop it somehow. You couldn’t just leave them completely, so you decided to break the colorful side of that mess of a friendship. It wasn’t easy because it was not just about physical bonds. They were everywhere around you. Eddie would buy you coffee on the test mornings he knew you were tired after studying the whole night and hand it to you kissing your forehead. Richie would always hold your hand, keep you close and protect you somehow, doing that thing where he’d distractedly run his thumb over your knuckles. You knew that maybe you were not just an arousal let-out for them too and that made things even worse. You ruminated the facts the whole time you were under the cold water upstairs, and when you came down later, all damp hair and sleep clothes, you found them both in the kitchen, struggling with dinner although it was just frozen lasagna for three. Beach Fossils played from Richie’s phone, open vodka bottle on the wood table in the middle of the small kitchen. Richie was the one who first noticed you there, smiling over his shoulder. “Gonna leave you watching Eds so he doesn’t implode the house while I take a shower, doll. Help the poor man.” he said, walking past by you and running upstairs. “You’re talking like you weren’t the one struggling to turn on the oven!” Eddie shouted at him. You laughed just like Richie did at distance, joining Eddie by the stove. “Do you want a hand there?” “Never mind,” he said, closing the oven door with a proud grin, “it will be ready in twenty, I guess.” “Talented boys you two are!” you scoffed. “Oh shut up!” He faked a disgusted face at you. Your eyes laid over the cherries you bought the day you arrived, placed in a fruit basket on the counter and, while Eddie sat down at the table you grabbed a glass, the vodka, and a handful of cherries. He didn’t ask you what you were doing, but your peripheral sight allowed you to know he was keeping full attention on you while you fumbled around. You mashed the fruits in the glass until they were a reddish pasta, collecting the seeds and pouring alcohol over what lasted in there. As you swayed everything together, you remembered drinking it once, but not quite where was it. You gulped it turning around to finally face Eddie, and he was splayed in a chair, a ghost of a smile on. “The hell you doin’?” he asked lowly and you shrugged. “I don’t know… But it worked.” He raised his brows, getting up and walking towards you. “Yeah? Is it good?” You hummed in response, feeling it burn down your throat. In the deep of your mind, watching Eddie coming closer and closer, you knew what was about to happen, but you didn’t act fast enough against it. “Let me taste it�� And he did. Not from the cup but straight from your lips. Eddie leaned in and kissed you softly, an arm around your waist while his free hand went for the back of your neck. And you ease in melting into him was embarrassing, leaving the cup onto the sink as soon as he pressed you against it before the glass ended up shattered on the floor. His tongue slid over yours, hands going to grab your hips, lifting your shirt a bit in the process. You instantly wished he took it off, already built up after spending that time alone in the middle of nowhere and with that aching tension all over the place. You had sex with Richie twice already over time, one of them a bit drunkenly, the other completely sober and thirsty for it, but you had never done it with Eddie. And you wanted it bad. Been wanting for a long time now, since that fucking rainy day in his dorm. But you knew you couldn’t, not when you shouldn’t even be kissing him like that after managing to stick up to your chastity for over a month now. So your hands palmed his chest and gently pulled him away. “Holy fuck…” Richie’s whispered voice made both you and Eddie startle. He was right there, at the kitchen entrance with a towel around his waist, mouth agape looking at both of you and you had no idea of how much time was standing there now. But he for sure saw shit happening. “That was the fucking fastest shower ever,” Eddie said, so casually it disturbed you. “N-no… I just came back to grab my phone.” Richie muttered. You froze, having no idea of how to move or what to say now. Yes, they were pretty aware you messed around with both of them, but one never saw the other in the act. Never, nor even a peck, and now Richie just witnessed a goddamn show. You were ready to tell him how you were sorry because you had just denied him a kiss when you were sunbathing outside and you have been constantly denying him for weeks now, but he didn’t give you the chance. Richie grabbed his phone over the table and stopped the music. You had the hint that maybe he wasn’t upset once he had that little mischievous smirk of his while he made his way out of there and upstairs again. Of course you didn’t talk about the matter over dinner, but Richie acted like nothing happened and Eddie just followed the lead completely unbothered. You tried to go on as naturally as they did, but something about Richie’s furtive looks over you made you think he was definitely not cool about catching you and Eddie together in the kitchen. You just couldn’t tell if either he was jealous or whatever was that and it pinched you from the inside the rest of the night while you watched old TV shows reprising until it was past one in the morning. That was when Eddie started yawning and decided to go upstairs, to the room that’d be Richie’s formerly, kissing your forehead and smiling nonchalantly before shoving Richie’s shoulder. So it was Richie, you and silence in the living room lighten up by TV flashes here and there. He was already sleepy, laying on the couch he had been sleeping since he insisted on leaving his parents’ bedroom for you, claiming he'd be a terrible host if he had you or Eddie without a bed. You, curled in the armchair, hated unsolved matters and worse than that, you hated when said unsolved matters had to do with Richie because you knew how he internalized everything he felt if it was slightly messed up. So you went straight to the point to avoid any evasions from him. “Did you get jealous of me and Eddie?” You asked right away, eyeing at him from your safe place. He looked at you, dead in the eye, no single sign of emotion perpassing his face. “Not at all, sweet thing,” he said, shrugging. “Why would I be?” You didn’t explain it, because you knew he knew where you were trying to get at, so your raised eyebrow was enough. But Richie raised his back and you had to get up because the lack of words from him, the one who’d never shut up, was bothering you beyond belief. You walked over the couch, passing a leg over his, straddling the Tozier boy for his slight astonishment, his reddish lips curving in a half-smile. Richie also had freckles, darker and more numerous ones than Eddie’s, all over his nose and cheeks, some across the rest of his face and none on the rest of his body. When he sat up with you still in his lap, you could smell that cologne you didn’t know exactly which was, but that you loved. Loved how its scent would stay ghostly on your clothes after you made out in his truck like a mark of his, just like the hickeys he’d give you sometimes, on hidden places so only you could see them. “Don’t fucking play dumb with me,” you whispered now, “I’m sorry, okay?” Richie snorted. “I’m not lying to you, y/n/n. I’m definitely not mad at you nor at Eddie. You’re making up things in your pretty head, doll” His hands drifted up your thighs. “I miss you, that's true. But it doesn’t make me jealous of that hell of a scene I saw earlier.” You noticed how he swallowed dry. “So you trying to convince me you’re not utterly disgusted and hurt?” Richie snorted once more at your tease and the light air of his relieving a lot of pressure from your chest. “Far from that, y/n/n...” The way his voice slowed down and his eyes drifted away from yours to his restless fingers on your skin...You finally understood where the problem laid on. And you wouldn’t even need the light pink shade of his cheeks to assure that. “Oh God, you liked it…” You whispered in disbelief and Richie laughed, hands on your hips now, pulling you closer. “What if I did, doll?” He didn’t let you answer, lips on yours before you recovered from your shock. He kissed slowly and passionately, it was always like that, kisses that after a few seconds already got you wanting to rip his clothes off. He was warm against you, bare chest pressed against still clothed yours. As earlier with the Kaspbrak boy, you had the urge of pulling away from him for your own sake, but you couldn’t this time. Richie peppered kisses all the way from your mouth to your jawline, kissing the spot that got your underwear ruined every time, earning himself a low whimper from your lips. You felt dizzy. “Eds is my best friend, toots,” he whispered against your skin, “there’s no one I’d be more glad to let spend time with you, touch you...” His hands ran up your sides underneath your shirt and your nails dig into his shoulders. “Kiss you.” He sucked a hickey on the crook of your neck that finally had you moaning out loud. “Richie-” His name. You could feel him smiling at that. “Or have you.” “For fuck’s sake, Richie…” You knew how to read in between his lines and in his darkened eyes when he pulled away to look into yours, glasses off. You knew he couldn’t see you quite well, but you could see him. If Richie was implying what you thought he was… “I told you I’d never lie to you, and I’m sticking to it.” Richie didn’t smile this time. “And believe me when I say I wish Eddie had taken you right on that counter.” You were the one dry swallowing now, thoughts running a mile a second. “For you to watch?” You scoffed, trying to hide how flustered you were. Richie remained serious when he laid down again. His moves underneath you let you feel him hardened under you. “No. I’d for sure join.” You read him again, tried to find whatever proved you he was just teasing. But he wasn’t. And that left you speechless, made him smile, tapping your hips gently. “But go to bed, toots. We can talk about it any other day. When you're ready and the cat doesn’t get your tongue.”

[bitoffairydust]

Yesterday we came home from the hospital as a family of three.

Things haven’t been super smooth sailing, nor did I expect them to be, but our little one is doing well and I’m healing fine so that’s really all we could ask for.

Wednesday was a bit of a whirlwind. I was scheduled to go into the hospital for my induction at 5, so we spent the morning doing a bit of last minute clean up around the place. Then around 12, someone from L&D called and said if we were available to come in earlier, we could just show up whenever. We still had a few things to finish up so we had lunch, I took a shower while my wife did the dishes, then she took a shower and got the cats set up for a few days home alone before we called an Uber to head to the hospital.

We got there around 3:30-4 so not super early but they got us into the delivery rooms right away and someone came over to go over a few questions (medical stuff and what I was hoping for with the birth). I got hooked up to the contraction and fetal heartbeat monitors, they got my IV line in, and then we went over the induction options for me. Based on my last check up, I was about 1.5 cm dilated, so before anything else they had to get me to about 3 cm, which they offered to do with either the foley balloon or misoprostol. Then the plan was to start me on oxytocin to get contractions going. I requested the miso, cause I figured there would be enough things going in and out of my vagina for the evening without an additional thing thrown in there 😅

It actually took a little while for the induction to start because as it turns out, three people (myself included) showed up for their induction within 5 minutes of each other and I was the last so it was closer to 7 before the resident came to examine me. In doing so they found I had actually progressed to 3 cm on my own since my last appointment so they were able to just get me started up on oxytocin.

Contractions started up pretty much instantly but they were very manageable. I’d say just from the oxy progression, the worst contraction I got was maybe a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10. Then they ran through the dosage and did another exam to see where I was at. They didn’t give an exact number then but I think it was somewhere between 4 and 5 cm. Before starting me up on another dosage of oxytocin, they went ahead and tried to break my water as it hadn’t yet. They didn’t actually manage to fully get it, and honestly, at that point, them trying to get it to break was actually more painful than the contractions I’d experienced that far.

That changed pretty fast once they established they’d gotten enough of the membranes for the time being. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I think it must have been close to 10 at that point, and the pain level climbed very quickly along with contraction intensity and frequency. I tried to bounce on a ball for a bit and the nurse showed my wife some pressure points to try and help with the pain but it did nothing. Around 10:30 I requested the epidural, which was unfortunate timing on my part as the anesthesiologist had just gone in to assist with a c-section. By the time she was out and got to my room it was about 11:30 and pain was an easy 10 on the scale with contractions maybe a minute and a half apart.

The epidural itself went in pretty smoothly but at first there wasn’t much to be said for relief. Since they mentioned it could take 15 minutes to really be felt I didn’t think much of it, and I did feel like things were getting a bit better as minutes passed. The last contraction I was asked about felt more back down to a 5 on the pain scale so the anesthesiologist left. Unfortunately, that 5 turned out to be a fluke because pain shot back up pretty quickly and I was soon at a 10 again, no matter the dosage boosts.

That part was quite honestly the worst of it all, having expected some sort of relief and finding it to be just as worse as before. To make it worse, baby was not handling those contractions well. His heart beat would drop with the start of each contraction, though it picked up before the end of them so though they wanted to keep an eye on it it wasn’t cause for intervention yet. The nurse monitored his heart rate with me laying flat on my back, on my right side, on my left side and then sitting straight up. The latter was the slightly better option for him, but definitely did nothing to help my pain management. She did get me back on my back to try and relieve me a bit since the difference to the effect on baby wasn’t huge but at that point contractions were relentless. I was dealing with back labor contractions, which were maybe a minute apart, and because they suspected the placenta had detached a bit when they tried to break my water, when a contraction would subside, the pain in my abdomen would become more prominent and almost to the same level. It made it feel like I was contracting non stop with no break for catching my breath or trying to recuperate.

Around 2 in the morning there were a few people in the room examining me and trying to figure out the best course of action. A C-section being needed started being mentioned if things didn’t improve, but I was at a little more than 9 cm by then. The OB and the anesthesiologist had a talk outside the room and decided to re-do my epidural as it had clearly failed (they did an ice test and it was clear I wasn’t frozen anywhere at all), and if I were to end up needing a c-section, I’d have to have it redone anyway.

She took two tries to get everything situated in my back. That second try did the trick. I don’t think I can even describe the amount of relief when my foot started feeling warm and then going numb, and within maybe 5 minutes it was amazingly painless. They did another ice test and this time I felt no cold at all anywhere, and when the nurse pointed out I’d just had a contraction it cemented it because I’d not felt it at all. The only thing I could feel at that point was a bit of abdominal pressure every now and then. And I will say, I did have a great team with me. Everyone was very empathetic and trying their best to get me to feel some form of relief before the second epidural. And they seemed almost as relieved as me when that last one finally worked - especially because after that baby’s heart stabilized.

By the time the epidural was done, even though they figured I had likely progressed to 10 cm, they elected to let me rest for a bit, and give baby a chance to keep making his way down, so I got to catch a breather until about 4 am. Then they told me it was time to try and start pushing, with the nurse guiding me since I still couldn’t feel any sort of contraction. I pushed through maybe four or five contractions without huge progress, and the OB came in to assess and established baby needed a bit of help coming out. They set up the forceps and had me push through another couple of contractions, but they were pretty week and hard to catch even for the nurse by then, and baby’s heart rate was starting to struggle again. So they got on the phone to get a room prepped for c-section, and the doctor told me I would get to push through one last contraction, but if nothing happened we’d have to go into surgery.

The nurse tried to wait for a good one (she had already reupped the oxytocin drip at that point) and by some miracle, the next push for his head half out and with the second one it was completely out. The rest of his body followed quickly and before I had even caught up with it all, I had his tiny little body on me.

Even though they’d brought someone in from the NICU just to be safe, he ended up being perfectly okay. I needed a bit more attention because I had more bleeding than normal, and I had to have 4 stitches and another IV line put in to help with the blood loss. Then we stayed in the delivery room until about 6 at which point we were brought over to our postpartum room.

Since then nursing has undoubtedly been the biggest challenge. He did have a tongue tie, but he struggled from the get go. He would latch well but lose it and then get frustrated and cry. He also is a very lazy eater - I’d spend easily 30-45 minutes per side trying to get him to stay aware long enough to take in maybe 15 minutes of proper feeding, but he’d start smacking his lips practically the moment he was done, and he’d wake up hungry again within the hour.

Unfortunately there was no lactation consultant on staff as she was on vacation this week. People commented time and time again about how I had no supply issue, and his latch (when he was latched) was good, but it didn’t seem to help. I also felt I kept getting conflicting information as one moment he’d have crystals in his urine to indicate potential dehydration, and the next they’d be telling me he had barely loss any of his birth weight and was perfectly on target for that.

We did decide to get his tongue tie cut as it seemed to really be frustrating him at feeds and make it harder for my breast to properly fit into his mouth. The feed that followed the cut was easily the best we’ve had to date, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. After we got home and I tried to feed him last night, he did fine on the right side but then only lasted 10 minutes on the left and then lost it, started to scream and wouldn’t latch again. I haven’t been able to make him latch on the left side since, and I only managed to get him latched to the right a couple more times before we ran in the same problem, so we had to go ahead and start giving him bottles. I’ll be trying to work through it with a lactation consultant as soon as possible, and I’ve now started pumping, but in the meantime, him being properly fed was the biggest thing.

He does also have a small fracture on his right clavicle, likely from the forceps, but the pediatrician said that will resolve on its own within the week. In the meantime we just have to be very cautious how we move his right arm, and she prescribed him Tylenol if need be.

In the meantime we’re just trying to settle down to our new sleep deprived routine. But then looking into all the sweet, funny faces he makes both when asleep and awake makes it feel pretty worth it.

- Marie