#OR call me a terf for not wanting to be called a slur

[kaltstrahls]

something so unbelievably backwards about telling trans ppl they're terfs for not wanting to be called 'queer' like my god. die actually

[mothslimes]

said it before i say it again. maybe it's less internalized misogyny and more "girls who look and act like this literally bullied me from kindergarten to 12th grade and beyond" so no i would rather not talk to girls who treat female beauty standards as the holy law

[catboynutsack]

Can someone please tell me literally all of the spoilers about the new Harry Potter game as possible, no matter how small, as I would like to make a big post full of as many spoilers as possible and post it fucking everywhere bc if people tell me to "let people enjoy things" (aka let people play the new hp game without judging them) then I should also be allowed to do what I enjoy (spoiling important plot points about terrible video games)

[transinclusionary]

Were you the person cosplaying as a transwoman when you are AFAB? Because that's just sick af. I've seen post circulate around you - I just came here because I recently followed you ... and .. now .. Idk ..

I used to used to refrain from confirming my gender with anybody, due to how uncomfortable I was about my gender being a talking point online. I have always struggled with my gender identity. The idea of people focusing more on what's under my clothes instead of the content of my character really bothered me. I believed that since people often call out racism without people assuming they belong to the group they're advocating for, that I could do the same for transphobia. Oppression is not comparable, however, and I realized that this did not work for these discussions. If I am to effectively advocate against terfs and for trans people, I then need to use my privilege as being cis passing in discussions. I don't really love people online knowing my gender, because I dont really know my gender either. But this feeling is the exact same thing trans women constantly go through: the feeling that their gender is constantly subjected to ridicule by any random you encounter, both online and IRL.

I have never said that I was a trans women, merely deflected whenever someone asked me about it. In retrospect, it was a selfish thing to do that I definitely regret. I started this blog as a teenager and it's aged with me to mid twenties. If I could, I would go back and re-do some interactions. The mistakes have been uncomfortable but necessary learning lessons for me. I learned I can not effectively advocate if I keep my gender a secret, because it means I refuse to do the same thing that trans people are expected to do.

I wish I could go back and state what my gender was when it mattered. I didnt know entirely how to classify myself, however, so I redirected any attempts to talk about my gender identity because I myself didnt want to think about it. I dont feel cis, but I also dont feel trans, so how can I tell someone what my identity is if I dont know it myself? However, since my gender identity will never be a trans woman, it wont hurt me to confirm with people as much.

I came to the conclusion that I can not have both my ambiguous gender identity and be a terfexclusionist. I chose to sacrifice the comfort of my ambiguous gender identity, in solidarity with trans people who are expected to disclose. Unfortunately, the world we live in is that we are representatives for our gender (which I think is bs). We all deserve to live as individuals and not spend our short lives worrying about how our life will influence the collective's public perception on others who share a gender identity. Unfortunately, this not how the world operates, especially not online as it pertains to trans people. You speak for members of your gender identity when you're anything other than cis, heterosexual, and endosex. Instead of selfishly denying the reality that trans people are forced to be model minorities, I instead adapted my advocacy to better fit this unfair aspect of life. If trans people are forced to cater to cis people's comforts for their safety, it should be up to cis passing people to (safely) show to cisendosex people that it's not just trans people who care about this. This is obviously a fine line, as you dont want to advocate in a way that might cause more violence than it helps. I'm still figuring out the best way to do that. I make mistakes, unfortunately I am not perfect nor will I ever be. But the mistakes help me learn who I want to be, and not starting this blog with everyone knowing my gender was one of those mistakes.

You're right, cosplaying as trans women is disgusting, I've seen it both IRL and online. It pushes trans people out of spaces designed for them, and that's something I would never want to do. However, my refusal to confirm my identity should not mean people just assume I'm a trans woman. I do not believe trans people should exclusively be expected to call out terfs. It means that cisendo people are not doing their jobs as allies to use their priviledge to call out bigotry.

I never started this blog thinking anyone would actually follow me or even have opinions about me. I definitely did not think "terfexclusionist" or "transinclusionary" would be followed by anyone other than my best friend. This blog initially started because of my (admittedly) unhealthy anger about the absolute refusal of terfs to admit that they are doing is wrong. To this day, the rhetoric that terfs spew almost brings me to tears of frustration. The LGB community makes me want to pull out my hair and scream. This is why I often take extended breaks from this blog. I still probably can develop a healthier way to cope with the anger. I want to do something to help this epidemic, but I'm just one person. I just want to do the right thing, but it is often unclear about what is the right thing to do. This is why I appreciate having my followers give me feedback, both positive and negative, as it allows me to introspect.

If you want to remain followed, that's fine, but do not feel pressured to. Life is way too short to continue following someone you dont feel comfortable with. I am always open to any suggestions, criticisms, and concerns by both anon and DM. This goes for both you, anon, and any other of my followers. Please never hesitate to reach out. I appreciate you (and all my follower) for caring about doing the right thing and keeping me on the straight and narrow. Have a good day.

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Hey I’m also queer and I use it as an identity label. I don’t agree with people excessively trigger tagging it when it’s not necessary, but I’d really suggest you educate yourself on its history as a slur. I am a gay trans man, so this is absolutely not terf rhetoric from me. But I was called queer in a derogatory way my entire life because I lived in a rural area where it was absolutely used as a slur. Maybe consider that ppl asking for trigger tags are also LGBT and not your enemy lol

Like go ahead and isolate yourself from other queer ppl all you want but just bc some ppl are genuinely triggered by the term doesn’t mean they’re attacking you for using it, lmfao

I know you probably mean well by this ask, and I see where you're coming from. I disagree, but I will give a good faith answer in return.

To understand where I'm coming from, let's compare the words queer and gay. Both words originally referred to general sexual deviancy in a pejorative sense, only later being reclaimed as proudly worn identities. Both words have been used as slurs for a long time afterwards, queer being more popular in the mid 20th century and gay gaining popularity as a slur in the later 20th into the 21st century.

I know way more queer people in real life who have a complicated relationship with the word gay than the word queer because gay was the word that was slung at them as an insult and a weapon their entire childhood. Gay was The insult of the 80s, 90s, and 00s. Anything bad, or weak, or stupid was "gay". There were whole campaigns to try to stop the use of gay as an insult, that's how bad it got. It's given a lot of people a lot of pain connected with the word.

But I have never, ever, seen someone tag a post "g slur". Why? Two words, both initially pejorative, both reclaimed, both continuously used liberally by those who hate us as a slur and an insult. Isn't it interesting how the more inclusive of those two words was targeted in a concentrated effort that started just a few years ago in terf communities? Isn't it interesting how the more narrow, less inclusive word, despite being the one more recently used as a slur and insult, despite the people in the community who still flinch when they hear it, was simply left alone?

To be clear, I don't think that we should be trigger tagging gay, or starting some "gay is a slur!" movement. I'm just pointing out parallels and questioning why the attitude towards two words with similar histories are so vastly different.

Educate myself on its history? I know it was used as a slur. So was gay, so was lesbian, so was every goddam word we have ever used to describe ourselves because it is not the words they find disgusting, it is us. Queer has been reclaimed and used in a neutral or positive way for decades and decades.

Context matters. "you dirty queer" = slur "I went to the queer student group meeting last week" = not a slur "ew that's so gay" = slur "I came out as gay when I was 16" = not a slur

No one is denying that queer has been and can still be used as a slur. But this specific "queer is a slur in any context!" movement legitimately did come out of terf communities in the last few years. I'm not accusing you of being associated with terfs. But "queer is a slur and triggering no matter how it's used" is terf rhetoric, and they've managed to spread it beyond their community. To claim that a word that has been reclaimed for decades and used in a neutral-to-positive context is a slur is disingenuous, and they know it, but they've successfully gotten other people to parrot it by hiding it under a layer of false concern.

One final thought: I have literally never seen anyone ask for queer to be tagged because they personally are triggered by the word. It's always people speaking on behalf of some hypothetical person who can't stand to even see my identity written out in a neutral-to-positive context. And if anyone really is so genuinely triggered by the term that they can't even stand to read it, they can just filter the post content, tumblr lets you do that.

[stinkrascal]

this is my most controversial opinion but you couldnt pay me to give lilith vatore those ugly short bangs

[badolmen]

*holding you gently but firmly like a broody chicken* the use and reclamation of slurs is highly subjective. especially on the internet you do not know the identity and experiences of those around you. if you find a word others take pride in upsetting, blacklist it. block people who do not tag it. I don’t make my trauma your responsibility. it is my own that I must manage when choosing to partake in social circles.

[unhonestlymirror]

Not people using "TERFs" under my post about sexism during war...

[gibbearish]

"can bi nbs say dyke" "can trans men say tranny" "can this specific identity reclaim this slur" ENOUGH !!! ALL that matters is whats in your heart when you say it. is there love for your community or is there hate for people not like you. are you saying it to hurt someone or to give a hurtful thing new love-filled meaning. theres your answer.

terfs are finding this now so just to head this off at the pass my tranny ass will not be debating you, you are going to be instantaneously blocked so you may as well save us both the trouble of typing out whatever long rant youre planning about how im an evil transsexual betraying the community by daring to call myself a faggot or w/e. also go fuck yourself

edit 2: hey terfies do you think perhaps that the fact you had to block me before purposefully starting fights with randos in my replies says something about the kind of people you are? do you think that's the kind of thing good people do? can you look yourself in the eyes and genuinely tell me that deep down you don't know that if you constantly have to lie and infiltrate and block evade to harass people, that just means youre a shit person? can you with a straight face say that doing these kinds of things actually feels morally sound, that there's no tiny sliver of yourself in there that knows youre acting like a piece of shit all the fucking time which is why everyone leaves you when they find out about your beliefs? could you honestly tell me that a person who acts like that is good, and that behaving like this actually makes you feel like you're adding something positive to the world? or is it just the rush that comes with punching a wall in rage?

you harass trans people for the same reason parents beat their children: it feels good to hurt other people when youre mad. it feels good to take your anger out on someone else. and so you find people you can hurt and you convince yourself youre doing it because theyre stronger than you, that youre fighting back, you punch and you punch and you keep punching on and on forever. because that anger is addicting and trans people have always and WILL always exist, so we will always be available as a target.

look at the way youre behaving and ask yourself if this is what you want to be doing with your life. and google the signs of a high-control group. and if youre going to be a piece of shit in my replies then at least don't be a major fucking coward about it. unless youre literally 12 you should not be arguing like a middle schooler starting fights about steven universe. grow the fuck up and get real problems

[six-improbable-things]

me, watching a student presenter struggle through saying "LGBTQIAP2S+" in a presentation: please, just say queer. I beg you.

[zerosuitsammie]

If I can take a moment to share my experience as a trans woman on the internet

My experience is by no means unique, it's just one experience in the plethora of trans feminine experiences and not unique to only tumblr. Though, I'll mostly talk about what I've experienced here. In the light of recent events, the reaction of "the ceo," and the comments he contributed regarding dog pile harassment; I simply wish to share my experiences that I have had to juxtapose the dynamic of his statements against a lived experience.

This account started as a way to document my social transition and eventually my journey with HRT. Tumblr had always had a large lgbtqia+ community. The queer people here inspired me and gave me hope. What I didn't know, but soon learned, is that there were people here who hated me for being trans. Being early in my transition I was a prime target. TERF groups would plan raids on my account. What this entailed was: rebloging my selfies into circles that would say the most vile things about me, threaten to kill, tell me I was ugly, tell me that everyone I knew thought I was a joke, I was a monster, my family hated me, that I should kill myself, they'd download and edit my photos into caricatures or depictions of violence. They would fill my ask box with hundreds of asks detailing how they'd kill me, call me slurs, describe the ways that I should kill myself, and pretty much everything else I mentioned above with the reblogs. Their words were carefully curated to try and break me, break my spirit, break my will to live. I tried reporting it. But it was impossible to keep up with, and like many others I saw no real response. Eventually I learned that I had to block all of them. 100's of blogs, eventually 1000's of blogs. My block list these days is incredibly extensive. I had to wade through their blogs, traverse sickening hate speech and imagery to eliminate entire circles of people harassing me. I became jaded to the hate speech, hardened to it. But mind you, I shouldn't have had to expose myself to all of this just to be at peace here amongst my community. I received no help, I was left to my own devices to protect myself. The people who hurt me never saw consequences. It was painful, it was unfair, and no one else should have to put the hours upon hours of effort and exposure to hate in to protect themselves like I did. But again my experience is not unique.

I have had to repeat this process of preemptive blocking periodically once a new circle discovers me. Blocking them all before they can start the process of hate all over again. A process of hate that seems to be hitting my community with rapidly increasing fervor as of late.

I've seen others experience far worse than me. The TERF circles will hunt down their personal information and doxx them. Expose their home address, telephone numbers, names of their family members. I can't begin to imagine the terror my queer siblings must feel when someone tells then that they want to murder them all while showing them that they know where you live. This is not a new thing, not a rare tactic, it happens. And we've all seen the news stories of trans people being murdered by people who planned it and were vocal about it.

I know this is depressing. And it doesn't reflect all of my experiences. I've had wonderful experiences here, met amazing people, made close friends, found inspiration, found hope. I found a community.

And it's my community, and I never want to let it go.

I do have fear that making this statement will get me banned. But, I wanted to say it. I wanted it to exist in the world so that everyone who doesn't know our experiences has a chance to understand and with luck empathize.

I'll part on these words and hope for the best both for myself and for every member of the community.

[whereserpentswalk]

Shut your heterosexual mouth, girl. Stop bootlicking for males who wouldn't stop to piss on you if you were on fire and who would actively help other males assault you. Grow some ovaries, a spine, and some self-respect.

First off, I'm bisexual and agender. Calling me a straight girl is as bad as calling me a slur.

Men are people. Just like how women are people. You can never convince me to hate someone because of what group they're in, because once you do that what groups you choose to hate are essentially arbitrary. I hate the systems of oppression, capitalism and patriarchy, but I cannot hate those fully without understanding the men they victimize as much as I do the women they victimize.

The men you're hurting the most are queer men, and queer people who aren't feminine women when you put this type of rhetoric in the queer community. Even butch women.

The world you want, a world where women are seen as inherently vulnerable, and men inherently dangerous, and thus are fully socially separated, isn't a rejection of patriarchy, it's its fullest embrace. Like it or not, everything terfs want was true in Victorian England.

I'm not a bad person for being the person that I am. I'm not a bad person for not having a gender. I'm not a bad person for having lost so much weight. I'm not a bad person for not taking meds as a mentally ill person. I'm not a bad person for having sex with men as a queer person. And most importantly I'm not a bad person for not hating men, not hating men is the only way to destroy gender roles.

Your separatism isn't liberation, it's just the chains of the convent painted pink.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

[vaspider]

Splitting this off from the post it was on to say... no. Actually. It isn't.

This whole "queer is the worst word" is very recent - like decades more recent than the rise of the idea of a queer community - and before that point, queer was ... like... just... another word for us. It wasn't any worse than gay or lesbian, which is how you get a show called Queer Eye and another one called Queer As Folk and so on.

Queer as a community predates this whole "queer is a slur (and by this we mean the Worst Word, totally unreclaimable, and different somehow from all of the other slurs for us)" garbage by like... 3 decades? And the formation of that community has nothing to do with the reactionary nonsense about the word queer, ginned up by TERFs and other intracommunity bigots, which happened decades after its formation.

The fact that we've had to say, over and over, that being queer is opt-in, and no one's going to try to include you in the radical activist community against your will, and if you don't want to be queer, you're not, to the point that people now seem to think that deference to their bizarre insistence that this one word (which is an identity word as important as trans or lesbian or gay) is so much worse than all the other bad words for us (like... gay... which was The Worst Word 20 years ago)...

G-d, that's exhausting.

And yes, I'm aware that's the most ADHD sentence on the planet and that my parentheticals are out of control, and yes I actually talk like that. I wrote many words today and it's 6 am., sue me.

No, I am not deferring to the (frankly kind of bizarre at this point) hyper-vigilance about the word queer when I refer to the community which arose out of AIDS activism. I am referring to it by its historical name.

Nobody should be called things they don't like, but for fuck's sake, is there ever a point when we can get past this whole "lesbian not queer/queer is a slur" thing like I didn't meet my first homophobic violence being called a lesbo? Like, this whole thing keeps getting played very deliberately as a manipulation tactic and people keep falling for it and it's SO exhausting. I feel like I've literally written this exact post at least half a dozen times over the last few years.

[weaver-z]

For the last time, people who say "queer is a slur" are not attacking you for identifying as queer. And before you spout off about how I'm just a widdle baby gay who only thinks it's a slur because of "terf rhetoric," I do know the activist history of the term and why some people love it. Some of the people who love it and identify with it are my closest friends. That doesn't change the fact that the people of my rural southern hometown, not to mention my own flesh and blood, used the slur against gay and trans people for years and still do, and I highly doubt they were all "tricked by terfs" into using that as the primary insult for gay and trans people.

Queer is a slur. That's why it was used in activism in the first place. I reclaim the slur dyke, I literally identify as a dyke, but I don't shout and holler when someone tags a post of mine with "d slur" because I understand that it's not personal and that they're doing it for their own comfort. On that note, I often see the biggest shouters of "queer is not a slur!!" claiming that queer is a radically accepting political identity in the same breath. Dude, it's either a completely neutral identity descriptor or a radical political reclamation; it can't be both.

I'm trans, I'm a dyke, and though the modern definition of queer may apply to me, I don't identify as that. I'm sick of seeing the obnoxious kneejerk reactions to me setting one boundary about what I don't want to be called.

[butch-corvid]

i want to help break my terf girlfriend. watch the betrayal in her eyes when she gets her tongue on my wet cunt and tastes a real woman’s semen dripping out of me. maybe she walks in on you fucking me. or worse, me throating her cock. her sweet, loyal partner who told her they were a gold star, who swore they’d “never fuck a woman like her.” that they were a good dyke. not a cock worshiping slut that drooled all over the dick thrust in front of their face like a useless stupid butch throat-hole.

maybe she screams and tries to run, only for us to hold her down and tie her. maybe she just sinks to her knees numbly and lets us strip and position her. maybe she gets so angry she tries to lunge for you, only for me to grab her and hold her down long enough for you to drag your thick girlcock, still wet with me, all over her face as she splutters and calls you slurs and screams for help, even as her nipples harden and cunt gets wet

you lay me down on top of her. you won’t fuck her yet, not until she “consents,” not until she begs to get broken open on your thick girlcock. instead, you let her see my face scrunch up in pleasure/pain when you slide in, hear my low moan vibrate in my chest, feel how my lungs expand and contract every time you thrust inside. she can feel my body writhing on top of hers, pleasure overwhelming me. and she knows that you’re making me feel better than she ever could. how could she compare, after all, to the searing warmth of your dick, precum slicking my cunt as you thrust in and out of me, your head bullying my gspot every time it rubs against my pussy. she grabs my tits, twists my nipples hard, to punish me, and i cum. “i’m a whore for you Mommy” I whine. “thank you for showing me what real lesbian sex is like” you laugh and keep fucking me, chasing your own orgasm as my girlfriend starts to cry underneath me. my wetness is dripping on to her. she knows i’ll never feel this good without a thick cock in me. she’s sobbing, knowing you’ve completely broken me. you’ve violated me so much im just your victim hole.

right when you’re about to cum, you pull out and empty your balls all over my girlfriend’s face. she screams and grimaces, but i hold her arms down so she feels every spray of hot cum paint her face. “what the fuck.” she looks so pretty as a cumdump. “what the fuck is wrong with you” she collapses into sobs, and i lick every drop of cum from her twisted up face, relishing in the way she shakes and cries harder the more semen i clean off her soiled face.

she’s crying because of how much i love the taste. i don’t even care about comforting her, i just want every drop of fertile girlcum down my throat. and she’s scared she wants it too.