#Oh yeah. I'm my own worst critic by far.

[xomakara]

Next Door To Forever

SUMMARY |  You thought you would never see the guy you'd have a one night stand with but when you meet Haechan again at a club and when you find out he's your neighbor, you can't help but be intrigued by him.

PAIRINGS | Haechan x Reader

GENRE |  college!student!Haechan, college!student!Reader, Nerd!Haechan, college au, one night stand, smut,

CONTENT/WARNINGS | profanity/strong language, drinking, unprotected sex (wrap it up ya’ll!), fingering, dirty talk, oral sex (both male/female receiving/giving), public blowjobs, creampies, praise kink, pet names

RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+

LENGTH |  12,532 words

TAGLIST | @hisunflower

NETWORKS | @k-vanity @ksmutsociety

AUTHOR’S NOTE | Oh god, I hope this turned out okay. Maybe it's because I'm always the worst critic of my own work so I always never feel satisfied about it lol. Been awhile since I wrote a Haechan fic and lately, he (and Jaehyun) have been flooding my feed. I hope you all like it!

After moving the last of your boxes into your spanking new place that would be yours for the next few years of school, you flop down on the bare mattress in the middle of the living room that the movers left there. You were just thankful that they set up the frame. You really weren't up to doing any more heavy lifting and the mattress was the only thing left to do before the moving van left.

Your new place was located in an apartment complex that was a good distance away from the main campus. It was perfect for you because you weren't fond of all the ruckus going on in the dorms. You were a junior so the thought of having to live in a crowded building full of underclassmen was less than ideal. Plus you really weren't interested in going through all the trouble of trying to get roommates. So you decided to take this opportunity to live alone and get an apartment of your own.

Apartment hunting was no joke and you had been at it for almost two weeks until you finally found this place. It wasn't too far from campus but the price was right and the size was just perfect for you. The rent was pretty reasonable and it wasn't in a bad neighborhood.

You sigh as you stretch yourself out and lay your head on the pillow. You didn't have a TV yet or any furniture besides a mattress, a couch and a coffee table. That would be something you'd have to take care of later. Your phone rings and you pull it out of your back pocket and check the caller ID. It's your parents and you know what they're calling about. They're still trying to convince you to let them help with the apartment.

"Hi, mom."

"Hi honey. How did the move go?" Your mom's voice sounds through the speaker.

"Good. It's finally over." You speak into the speaker and run a hand through your hair, sweeping your bangs back off your face.

"We wish we could have been there to help." Your mom sighs through the receiver.

"It's fine mom. I managed." You sit up on the bed.

"Are you sure?" Your mom insists.

"Yeah, it's not like I had a lot to bring with me." You say as a look around the large empty space, save for the boxes lining the wall and the mattress that you are sitting on.

"Do you need anything? Any furniture? Food?" Your mom offers.

"Food would be great, mom. Thanks." You respond, suddenly getting the realization that you were hungry and hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.

"Your father and I are sending you a care package with some food, toiletries and other things you might need." Your mom says.

"Thanks." You smile, looking forward to the package. "You don't have to, y'know." You add.

"Don't worry. We'll also send the money that we would have used for furniture. Just go and get what you want and don't worry about the cost." Your mother says.

"Really, mom?" You ask, almost in disbelief.

"Yes, it's not a big deal." Your mother adds.

"But mom, you and dad are retired. I don't want to use your retirement money." You argue.

"Your dad won't take no for an answer. Besides, your brother and sister-in-law are sending you some money too." She explains.

You sigh in defeat. Your mom and dad had always been stubborn and they were hard-headed when it came to taking care of their kids. You didn't want to fight it, especially since it would be pointless. "Alright, mom. But make sure you take money from Minhwan-oppa and Nari-unnie too. I don't want you and dad spending too much money on us. I want you guys to spoil yourself once in a while."

"That's very thoughtful of you, sweetheart. We will do that. I'll text you when we send the package." Your mother replies.

"Ok, thanks mom." You say gratefully.

"No problem. Love you, honey." She answers.

"Love you too." You finish the call with a smile and lean back on the bed to rest.

You hang up and lay there in silence. It had been a long day and you were exhausted. You had been packing and moving for the last few weeks and the stress was starting to get to you. You were ready for a break.

Your phone rings again. It's your brother, Minhwan.

"Hey, oppa."

"How are you holding up, Y/N?" Minhwan says into the receiver.

"Tired but otherwise ok." You muttered. "Did mom talk to you? She's been on my ass about sending money to me."

"She mentioned it but I told her I wanted to talk to you first." He answered.

"Thanks, oppa. I appreciate it." You sigh gratefully.

"So, do you need anything? Money, clothes, food, whatever? I'm sending you an additional package with mom's." Minhwan tells you.

"Well, yeah. I need food and toiletries and stuff. But, I don't want to ask too much of you and unnie." You admit.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to Nari and we'll make sure you get everything you need. And I mean everything." Minhwan emphasizes the last word.

"Oppa..." You murmur, catching his tone.

"It's ok. You're our baby sister. Let us do this. Don't worry, we're not hurting for money. I'm a doctor and Nari is a lawyer, remember?" He laughs.

"Ok, I guess. But don't spoil me too much. I'm not going to be independent if you keep spoiling me." You frowned. "At least spend it on mom and dad. Buy them a trip somewhere or something."

"We'll take care of that too." Minhwan said. "But the money will be going to you first."

"What? But-" You stuttered, stunned.

"I gotta go, Y/N. Nari's calling me." You heard the unmistakable sound of her voice on the other side.

"Oppa-"

"I'll talk to you later."

He hangs up before you can say anything else. You sigh and close your eyes. You could use a nap right now.

Your stomach growls loudly and you sit up and stretch. "Well, I can't go to sleep now. Not until I eat something."

You stand up and grab your wallet, then head downstairs to the nearest convenience store. The streets were pretty quiet and there was a slight breeze. You could smell the scent of spring in the air and hear the rustling of leaves in the trees. It was a beautiful night. You reach the corner and turn onto the street where the convenience store is located. There are a couple of other college kids hanging out around the front door. One of them calls out to you as you walk past.

"Hey, Y/N!"

You stop and turn to look at him. It's Mark, a friend of yours that's in the same program as you, that also lives in the same apartment building. "Hi, Mark."

"What's up? Where are you off to?" He smiles at you.

"I was just gonna get something to eat. I just moved into the building, you know." You laughed.

Mark's eyes widened. "Oh shit. Was today moving day? Man, I would have helped you."

You shake your head and smile at him. "It's cool, I had a moving service come in and do most of the work."

"Nice. Well, if you need anything, let me know." Mark said sincerely.

"Will do. Thanks." You let out a laugh.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Another one of your friends, Jaemin, approaches.

"Hey, Jaemin." You greeted. "We're just chatting. What are you doing here?"

"Getting some snacks for tonight. Jeno and I are watching horror movies at his place. Oh, wasn't today moving day for you? You wanna hang out with us later?" He asks excitedly.

"I'll pass. I'm tired and I still have stuff to unpack." You said, remembering the boxes stacked on top of each other.

Jaemin frowned. "Bummer. Maybe the gang will stop by and help you unpack."

You shake your head. "No thank you. I don't need Hendery and Yangyang causing a ruckus. Remember when we helped move into their place?"

Jaemin snorts. "How can I forget? The two were like monkeys, bouncing off the walls. Renjun almost got a black eye when Yangyang threw a shoe at him."

You laughed. "Yeah, that was pretty funny."

"Well, if you change your mind, give me a call. Or, if you're too tired, text me and we'll bring the movies over." Jaemin offered.

"Sounds like a plan." You smile.

Jaemin and Mark bid you farewell and you walk inside the convenience store. The fluorescent lights are bright and the music is too loud. You walk over to the frozen food section and pick out a few microwave dinners, a few bottles of water, and lots of instant ramen. You head to the cash register and pay for your food, then leave the store.

You make your way back to your apartment building and enter the elevator. The doors close and the elevator begins its ascent. The floor numbers blink as the elevator ascends and soon enough, the doors open again. You exit the elevator and head to your apartment. You keyed in your passcode and entered the small apartment. The lights were on and the air conditioner was working. You closed the door behind you and kicked off your shoes.

You put the microwavable meals and the bottle of water into the fridge, placed the bag of ramens on the counter and flopped onto the mattress that was still on your living room floor. You were exhausted. Moving was tiring but you needed to at least move your mattress unto your bed frame.

You laid there for a few minutes before getting up and dragging the mattress into the bedroom. You set it on top of the bed frame and began pushing the bed into the corner. It took a while but you eventually got it where you wanted it. You sat down and leaned against the wall, looking at the room. There were still a few boxes that needed to be unpacked but it was coming together. You felt satisfied and proud.

You stood up and headed to the kitchen. You grabbed a bottle of water and a packet of instant ramen. You poured the water into a pot and put the noodles in. You set the heat on high and watched as the water began to boil.

You looked around and sighed. You'd have to unpack more tomorrow.

You were too tired to think about it. You were ready to eat, take a shower, and crash for the night.

You took the pot off the heat and dumped the contents into a bowl. You rummaged around in one of the boxes that held your utensils and pulled out a pair of chopsticks. You sat down on the couch and began eating. After finishing the noodles, you went to take a shower. You stripped down and stepped into the bathroom. When you were done, you wrapped a towel around your body and headed to the bedroom. You rummaged through the boxes and found some clean underwear, a tank top, and a pair of shorts.

You put the clothes on and got into bed. It was only 8 pm but you were exhausted. You pulled the covers up and closed your eyes. You were asleep within minutes.

You wake up the next morning and check your phone. It was 9 am. You had a few messages and missed calls from your parents and siblings. You reply to their texts, telling them you were fine, and let them know that you were going to unpack.

You put your phone away and get out of bed. You go to the kitchen and start unpacking the rest of your dishes.

It takes you a couple of hours but you finally get everything in the apartment unpacked.

A knock is heard on your door, startling you. "Coming!"

You open the door and find Mark, Jaemin, and the rest of your friends standing in the hallway.

"Hey, guys." You say as you let them into your apartment.

"Yo, Y/N! What's up?" Renjun asks.

"Nothing much. Just finished unpacking." You tell him. The guys scan your apartment and whistle in surprise.

"That's good." Chenle says. "Need any help?"

You shake your head. "I'm good. But thanks for offering."

"Alright, well we're going out. Wanna come with?" Mark asked.

"Where to?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"To a club. There's a new one that opened downtown and the guys are dying to check it out." Yangyang muttered.

"Dude, it's like noon. Isn't it too early for that?" You questioned him.

"That's why I'm saying we should go during the day. Less people, less lines." He reasoned.

"Hey, if we're gonna party, we gotta get there early. Gotta scope out the place and see if it's worth our time." Hendery smirked.

"Whatever." You rolled your eyes. "I'm gonna pass."

"Boo. Y/N, don't be a killjoy." Jisung whined.

"Do you hear something? Is the wind blowing or is it a ghost?" You ask, pretending to be surprised.

"Oh, fuck you, Y/N." Jisung retorted.

You burst into laughter and the others joined in.

"I can't believe you fell for that." You say, wiping tears from your eyes.

"You're the worst." He says, giving you the stink eye.

"Fine, I'll go with you all but come back at like 5 pm. I'm not going out at noon." You scoffed.

"Fine. Fine." They all muttered as they turned to walk away.

"And invite Jaehyun!" You called out.

"Boo! You just want to eye-fuck him all the time." Jaemin scoffed.

"So what?" You smirked. "He's hot. Can't blame me for appreciating a piece of fine man."

"Fine. I'll invite him. But don't get all touchy-feely with him." Mark frowned.

"Why? He's single. I'm single. What's the harm in having a little fun?" You retort.

"You're a player, Y/N." Mark sighed.

"You know it." You laughed.

"Just keep it PG-13, ok?" He says.

"No promises." You grin mischievously.

"Ugh. See you later." He says in defeat as he walks away.

They leave and you close the door. You spent a few hours organizing and rearranging your furniture and making sure that everything was in its proper place. You didn't have much to unpack.

You go to the bathroom and start getting ready for the night. You take a long hot shower and then blow-dry your hair. You put on some mascara and a light coat of lip gloss. You put on a tight black dress that showed off your curves and some black heels.

You check yourself in the mirror and are satisfied with the results. You grab your purse and head downstairs. Your friends are already there and are waiting for you.

"Hey, Y/N! Ready to get wild tonight?" Renjun smirked.

You raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm always ready."

"Cool, let's go!" Chenle said.

The group heads downtown and walks a couple of blocks until they reach the club. The bouncer checks their IDs and lets them in.

The music is loud and the place is packed. The lights are flashing and the entire floor is moving. The place is dark except for the light over the DJ and the bar. Everyone is moving and jumping to the music. You see some kids from campus.

You take a moment to breathe in the atmosphere. The smell of sweat and alcohol hits your nose. The room is hot and humid and the sound of the music seems to vibrate through the floor. The bass is heavy and it pounds against your chest. You can feel the energy in the air and the tension. There's something different about being in a place full of strangers. You feel invigorated, alive. It's intoxicating.

"I'll get us some drinks." Yangyang said.

"Me too." Hendery said.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Renjun said.

"I'll come with." Jisung said.

"I'm gonna dance." Jaemin said.

"Me too." Chenle said.

"We'll find a table." Mark said. He grabbed your wrist. "Let's go."

The two of you push your way through the crowd and find an empty table near the back of the club.

"So, are you gonna try to hook up with Jaehyun tonight?" Mark asks.

"I might." You smirk. "Oh! Is that Ten over there?"

"You gonna try to hook up with Ten too?" Mark looks amused.

You shrug. "Maybe. Or Johnny. He's got some nice muscles, don't you think?"

"Y/N, you're unbelievable." Mark rolls his eyes.

"I'm a single girl with needs. Sue me." You laugh.

"I can't deal with you." Mark rolled his eyes.

You and Mark chat for a while, and then the others join you.

"Here, drinks." Yangyang hands out beers.

"Thanks." You grab a bottle and take a swig.

"Cheers!" Renjun says.

"To a fun night!" Hendery adds.

You all clink bottles and drink.

"Hey, I haven't seen Jeno around. Where is he?" You ask.

"He said that he's trying to drag someone out of hibernation." Jaemin rolled his eyes.

"Who?" Chenle quirked his brows.

"Haechan." Mark said, nursing a beer in his hand.

"Who?" You asked, confused.

"The guy who was with Jeno at the frat party. You remember him right?" He said, raising an eyebrow at you.

"I can't remember shit. I was wasted as fuck." You shrugged.

"Fair."

"So, where's Jaehyun?" You asked.

"Over there, talking to Ten." Yangyang pointed. "Hey! Where are you going?!"

The boys watched as you waved at them while you approached Ten and Jaehyun. They watched as Ten and Jaehyun gave you appreciative looks.

"She's unbelievable." Mark said, shaking his head.

"She's gonna hook up with both of them." Hendery stated, noticing the way Jaehyun snaked an arm around your waist.

"I bet she's gonna end up taking both of them home." Renjun scoffed.

"That's our Y/N. The best player in our group." Chenle sighed.

"What?" Jisung asked, confused.

"Nothing, Jisung. Let's just enjoy our night." Mark smiled.

Haechan didn't want to be here. He didn't like parties and he hated being surrounded by drunk people. He felt suffocated in the sea of writhing bodies that were all trying to bump and grind against each other. The music was too loud and there was an almost unbearable smell of sweat in the air. The lights were low and the whole atmosphere seemed oppressive. There were strobing lights flashing on and off that only seemed to disorient people further.

"Why did I let you drag me to this place?" Haechan muttered as he looked around the club.

"Come on, dude. Live a little." Jeno smiled. "Drink some booze. Relax."

"I'd rather stay home and read." Haechan replied.

"Dude, you need to get laid. When was the last time you got some pussy?" Jeno asked as he nudged his friend in the arm.

"A few weeks ago, remember? At that frat party? The one where I got too drunk and had a one-night stand with someone." Haechan rolled his eyes.

Jeno pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to recall the incident that Haechan spoke of. After a moment of silent thinking, Jeno looked at his friend. "Ah. Yeah, I remember. You were a mess that night."

"Yeah, thanks for that." Haechan muttered. "I can't believe you and the guys know her."

Haechan thought back to the night of that wild frat party. Jeno had dragged him along when Haechan tried to study at his apartment. They had arrived at the frat house and were immediately given red solo cups. They had joined the party, the sounds of hip-hop music pumping in the background. Jeno had chatted up the sorority girls and disappeared from Haechan's side. Haechan was left standing at the edge of the room, wondering what he was doing at the party.

He had gotten lost and had bumped into you. The alcohol in his system had loosened his lips and he told you the embarrassing story of how he was dragged to the party. You laughed at him and teased him a bit but soon, you began flirting with him. It didn't take long before the two of you had ended up back at your dorm room.

It was a drunken mistake. He remembered waking up with a pounding headache, a hangover that was more painful than anything he had experienced, and his clothes and underwear scattered on the floor. It had taken him a moment to realize that he was in your dorm, and another moment to remember why. The memories were blurred and faint but it didn't take a genius to realize that he had sex with you. And it had been a rough one judging by the bruises he found on his back.

"I can't believe you don't know her." Jeno laughed. "She's been friends with Mark and Hendery for a damn, long time before she met Jaemin, Yangyang, Renjun and me."

"And now she's friends with Chenle and Jisung?" Haechan wondered out loud.

"Yeah. She's cool, bro. You'll like her." Jeno winked.

"I doubt it." Haechan muttered. "She doesn't seem my type."

"How would you know? You didn't even know her name." Jeno cackled.

"Shut the fuck up." Haechan huffed. "It was one time."

"Come on. I'll introduce you." Jeno chuckled, walking off.

"Wait, no. Dude, come on." Haechan trailed after him.

"I won't tell the others that you two hooked up." Jeno laughed as he grabbed Haechan's wrist and dragged him over to the table where you and the guys were seated. "Yo, Y/N! Guys."

"Jenoooooo!" You called out. You were obviously tipsy and a little bit buzzed. 

Renjun tried to wrestle the bottle from you. "Give it up, Y/N. You're done."

"Oh, come on! Don't be such a party pooper!" You whined.

"Dude, stop hogging the bottle." Hendery muttered.

"Hey, Jeno. Hey Haechan." Mark greeted.

"Sup, Mark." Jeno fist bumped his friend.

"Hey." Haechan greeted, a little shyly.

"Glad you're out and about Haechan." Renjun smirked.

"Stop drinking." Mark sighed as he took the bottle from your hands.

"Noooooooo." You whined.

"Y/N, you're drunk." Mark stated, matter-of-factly.

"I'm fine. Just a little tipsy." You giggled.

"How much have you had to drink?" Jaemin asked, his tone stern and serious.

"I don't know. A lot." You confessed.

"Give me the fucking bottle." Jaemin said.

"Dude, you're cut off." Mark declared.

"That's what I told her." Renjun scoffed.

"Aww, you're no fun, Mark." You pouted.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Mark muttered. He turned to look at Haechan. "Thanks for showing up. You haven't met Y/N yet, right?"

Haechan gives you a quick glance before turning away, and pretends not to know you. He avoids meeting your gaze because the incident from the night of the frat party made him feel embarrassed. It was a spur of the moment thing and he hated losing control.

"Ohhhhhhh, so this is the guy you were trying to drag out of hibernation." You hugged Jeno but then you furrowed your brows. You leaned in to look at Haechan. "Wait...have we met before?"

"Uh, I don't think so." Haechan stammered.

"Are you sure?" You narrowed your eyes.

"Yeah." Haechan said a little bit too quickly.

"Huh, weird. I swear I've seen your face before." You peered at the handsome face and then it dawned on you. Those eyes, those lips, the moles on his face and neck, the shape of his nose. It all clicked. Your eyes widened and the liquor-infused brain of yours recalled what happened that night. How he had felt inside you, how he had begged for your pussy, and how he had given you a world-changing orgasm. It all came back to you.

"Oh my god." You muttered.

"What?" Jeno asked.

"We've fucked." You said out loud.

"I'm sorry, what?" Haechan gawked at you, shocked.

"You're the guy that I hooked up with a few weeks ago." You said, realization dawning on you.

"Dude, Y/N, shut the fuck up." Mark muttered in disbelief.

"What the fuck?" Hendery gawked at his friends, confused. "You two hooked up?"

"How do you know it's Haechan?" Renjun asked.

"Like I would forget that beautiful constellation of moles." You muttered. "It's him. No doubt about it."

"Dude." Mark gave Haechan a look.

"Dude." Jaemin also gave Haechan a look.

"Dude." Hendery also gave Haechan a look.

"Dude." Chenle and Jisung gave Haechan a look.

"What?" Haechan asked.

"When the fuck were you gonna tell us you hooked up with a chick from our group?" Yangyang questioned.

"You guys were never supposed to find out about that." Haechan deadpanned.

"Well we know now and we're all very interested to hear the story." Yangyang grinned.

"Not gonna happen." Haechan retorted.

"Boo. So uncooperative." Yangyang pouted.

"Hey, I was drunk. I don't remember anything from that night." Haechan defended himself. "Besides, I've never met her before until today. She's not part of our group. So why should I have told you?"

"Bro." Jeno looked at him.

"Bro." Mark also looked at him.

"Bro." Hendery also looked at him.

"Bro." Yangyang and Jaemin also looked at him.

"Guys, shut up. I don't want to talk about it." Haechan muttered as he tried to walk away.

"Wait." You grabbed his wrist.

"What?" Haechan paused.

"Can we talk? Preferably far away from these idiots." You said, glaring at your friends.

"Hey!" Everyone objected.

Haechan sighed, not having much of a choice. "Um, ok."

You get up and Haechan follows. You drag him outside and head over to a bench. Sitting down, you looked at the random people milling around the club. The vibe was completely different from a couple of hours ago and you welcomed the change.

"So..." You begin.

"So..." Haechan mutters, looking everywhere but at you.

"I didn't mean to put you in an awful position like that." You said, looking down at your lap. "When I start drinking, I tend to lose control and I don't know how to filter what comes out of my mouth."

"It's fine. Really." Haechan shrugged. "It's not your fault. Besides, it was a one-time thing."

"Yeah." You nodded. "We were both drunk. We didn't know what we were doing."

"Mhm." Haechan hummed.

There was an awkward silence.

"Hey, look." You began. "I don't want this to be a weird situation. We both have a past and it was just a one-night stand. What happened, happened and we can't change that. We hang out in the same social circles and sure, this is the first time I've officially met you but that doesn't change the fact that I have a connection with you, in a way."

"I guess." Haechan shrugged.

"I'd like to be your friend. Would that be ok with you?" You asked, nervously.

"Yeah, sure." Haechan nodded.

"Cool." You smiled.

"Cool." Haechan said, a hint of a smile on his face.

"Hey, um, would you like to go somewhere else and just chill? I kind of don't want to go back in there and hear the guys talk shit." You laughed nervously.

"I don't blame you." Haechan lets out a small laugh. "They're a weird ass bunch."

"You can say that again." You chuckled.

"Where do you want to go?" Haechan asked.

"Let's go to a coffee shop. I need to sober up a little." You replied.

"Coffee sounds good." Haechan nodded.

"Great." You stand up and start walking away. "Let's go."

"Uh, ok." Haechan gets up and follows you.

You two walked side-by-side and talked about random things.

"I have to ask." You began. "How are you a friend of Jeno and the rest? I've been friends with Mark and Hendery since we were kids and we became close to Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang, and Renjun through college. I know Chenle and Jisung because they're sophomores and they hang out with Renjun and Yangyang. But how the hell do you fit in all of this? You don't really seem like the partying type."

"I'm not. Jeno dragged me to the club." Haechan said. "And as for why I'm friends with the guys, we met through a gaming app and then we met in real life and we just hit it off."

"Wow. I would've never expected you to be the gaming type." You chuckled.

"I'm a nerd." Haechan shrugged.

"Well, I don't think that's a bad thing." You replied.

"It's not?" He asked, surprised.

"Nope. I think nerds are super cool. And it's good that you have a passion. Even if it's gaming. And, I'm not saying that gamers are losers or anything. That's just my personal opinion." You clarified.

"Thanks." Haechan gave you a small smile. "I appreciate that."

"Anytime." You grinned.

The two of you continued walking, enjoying each other's company. After a few minutes, you arrived at the coffee shop.

"This is the place." You said as you opened the door.

"Cool." Haechan followed you inside.

You ordered your drinks and then found a table near the window. You're really glad you found this shop. It's cozy and warm, the smell of coffee is inviting, and the interior is very comfy, reminding you of an old coffee house in an old tv show.

"This place is nice." Haechan said as he looked around.

"Yeah, it's one of my favorite places to hang out." You replied.

You both sipped your coffee and made small talk. Haechan couldn't help but look at you every now and then.

"What?" You asked, catching him staring.

"Sorry." Haechan blushed. "It's just that, um, you're really pretty."

"Really?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Haechan muttered and took a sip of his drink. "Sorry, was that too forward?"

"No, no, not at all." You said, blushing a bit. "I'm just not used to hearing that."

"Really? I've been seeing people checking you out at the club." Haechan blurted out.

"They were probably drunk and not thinking straight." You waved it off.

"Maybe. Or maybe they just have good taste." Haechan smiled.

"Maybe." You smiled back.

Haechan let out a small smile. "You're different from what I expected."

"Different how?" You asked.

"I didn't think someone as outgoing as you would be interested in someone like me." Haechan said.

"What do you mean by that?" You tilted your head.

"I don't know, I just figured you'd be more into the popular crowd. You know, the athletes and the rich kids. Not the nerds and the losers." Haechan muttered.

"I used to be a nerd too, you know." You laughed. "Way before I started partying and dating and all that. Back in middle school and high school, I was the definition of a nerd. I had braces, glasses, wore sweaters, and kept my hair in braids."

"Really?" Haechan couldn't believe it.

"Yes. But once I got to college, I wanted to reinvent myself and try new things. And so I did. But just because I like partying and going to clubs and bars, it doesn't mean I can't still be a nerd and have my own nerdy interests." You took a sip of your coffee. "Sure, folks see me as that wild girl or the one who gets around. But they don't see the whole picture. And besides, I like to think that everyone has layers to them and it's just a matter of finding those layers."

"That's true." Haechan said. "I never thought of it that way."

"What about you? You're the type of guy that I never thought would be friends with the guys. Jeno is a party boy and the rest are just wild." You mused.

"I know." Haechan chuckled. "But when you have something in common with someone, you just click."

"True." You agreed.

"They're good people though. Even though I want to stay in and play video games all day, they managed to drag me out of my shell." Haechan says, smiling softly. "They make me feel included and that I belong somewhere. I appreciate that."

"That's good." You said, smiling. "So I know Jeno dragged you to the frat party and all, but did you have fun at least?"

"Yeah, I guess. The food was good." Haechan jokes, laughing lightly.

"The food was the best." You agreed.

"I'll admit, I wasn't a fan of the loud music and the crowds." He shrugged.

"That's understandable." You nodded. "It was a frat party. They're all the same."

"True." Haechan laughed. "I don't think I would've stayed long if it weren't for the food and the alcohol."

"You're a lightweight." You teased.

"I am not." Haechan pouted.

"Sure, sure." You laughed.

You and Haechan continue to chat for a bit and eventually, you two have finished your coffee.

"So, are you ready to go back?" You asked.

"If you are." Haechan said.

"Not really, to be honest." You chuckled, making the boy smile. "I kind of wanna stay here and just be away from the guys. And talk to a cute boy. Or am I being too forward?"

"Uh." Haechan was shocked and blushed a little.

"I guess that was a bit too much, huh?" You felt embarrassed. "Let's just go back."

"Wait." Haechan took your wrist.

"Huh?" You were surprised by the sudden action.

"I wouldn't mind talking to you longer." Haechan admitted.

"Really?" You asked.

"Yes." Haechan blushed again and turned away, muttering.

"Ok, then." You were laughing and Haechan couldn't help but stare. The way your eyes lit up when you laughed. It was mesmerizing.

"Come on." You stood up. "Let's go. We have all the time in the world to talk."

Haechan's lips tugged upwards and he stood up too. He walked with you outside. You kept on looking at Haechan and then suddenly stopped and paused, biting your lip. Haechan caught your action and his breath hitched.

"Are you ok?" Haechan's breath was haggard.

"Maybe we should go back to the club..." You suggested.

"Are you going to drink?" Haechan tilted his head.

"Hell no. I'm done drinking for tonight." You shook your head.

"Good." Haechan smirked. "Because I have an idea."

"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow.

"You said you're a nerd. And I happen to be a nerd as well. Why don't we hang out and play some games?" Haechan suggests.

"I'd like that." You grin.

"Cool." Haechan smiled. "Come on. My place isn't too far."

You made your way to his place, noticing the familiar signs and landmarks. This all looked too familiar, and not just because you're drunk. This is the path you've walked on countless times before. In fact, it led straight to your own home.

"Hey, I didn't know you live in this complex." You pointed out.

"Oh, yeah." Haechan scratched the back of his neck.

"I live here too." You grinned.

"No way." Haechan was surprised.

"Yes, way." You laughed. "I just moved here a few days ago."

"I had no idea." Haechan remarked.

"I guess fate works in mysterious ways." You shrugged.

"That's for sure." Haechan agreed.

The two of you continue walking, enjoying the night breeze.

"I'll admit, I was nervous when Jeno dragged me to the club earlier." Haechan said. "But I'm glad he did. I never would've gotten to know you otherwise."

"Same." You smiled.

The two of you made your way to the elevator. Once the doors closed, you couldn't help but take notice of how close you were standing to each other. Your shoulders were brushing and you could feel the heat radiating off his body.

"It's weird how we live in the same building and we didn't know each other." You mumbled.

"Well, now we do." Haechan gave you a shy smile.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. You blinked a few times and stared at the hallway that you knew quite well.

"This is my floor." You muttered.

"Yeah, this is my floor too." Haechan said. He pointed to his door. "I'm down that way."

"No way! We're neighbors." You said with a surprised face. "I'm right next to you!"

"Are you serious?" Haechan laughed and shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah! Now we really have no excuse to not be friends." You said, nudging his side.

You and Haechan looked at each other, both trying to hide the smiles on your faces.

"No wonder I've been hearing noises in the apartment next to mine." Haechan muttered. "It was you."

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I've been moving a lot of things in and there's a lot of noise." You rubbed the back of your neck.

"It's fine. I'm used to loud noises." Haechan says, waving off your apology.

"I promise I won't disturb you too much." You assure him.

"No, no. It's fine." Haechan said, a smile tugging on his lips. "I actually don't mind."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

You smiled.

"So...would you like to come in?" Haechan asked.

"Sure." You said.

You and Haechan walked towards his door. You waited as he unlocked it.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He said.

"Thanks." You said as you entered his apartment.

The first thing you noticed was that it was very clean and organized. The second thing you noticed was the massive television screen that covered the entire wall.

"Wow." You said. "This is awesome."

"Thanks." Haechan smiled.

"You have a really cool set up." You said as you took in all the details.

"It's all I have. My life revolves around gaming, after all." Haechan said.

"Ok, what are we gonna play?" You asked.

"Why don't you pick something out?" Haechan gestured to his bookshelf. "There's a bunch of games over there."

"Really?" You walked over.

"Yeah, sure. Anything you like." Haechan said as he removed his jacket.

You went to his bookshelf and checked out the various titles. There were a lot of game titles you've seen before and even more that were unfamiliar to you.

"Hmm, how about this one?" You said as you pulled a case from the shelf.

"Oh, that's a good one." Haechan smiled.

You spent the night playing games and having fun. At one point, you were both so immersed in the game that you forgot how late it was.

"Oh my god, it's three in the morning." You gasped.

"Oh, wow." Haechan looked at his watch. "Time flies when you're having fun."

"Yeah, it does." You nodded.

"Do you want to crash here?" Haechan offered.

"Sure." You nodded. "Too tired to go to my place even though it's next door."

"Alright." Haechan laughed. He stood and made his way to his bedroom and returned with blankets and a pillow. He put them on the couch. "You can have the bed."

"No, no. I'll take the couch." You said, feeling guilty about taking his bed.

"Nuh-uh, I'll be fine on the couch."

"Haechan." You stood up, planting your hands on your hips. "I can't let you sleep on the couch in your own apartment."

"Why not?" Haechan shrugged.

"Just- It's not right." You didn't know how to explain without sounding stupid.

"I'll be fine." Haechan reassured you.

"Are you sure?" You asked, worrying.

"Positive." Haechan said.

Without a fight, you didn't argue any further. He led you to the bedroom. It's simple and cozy. Nothing super fancy, but the furniture is modern and stylish. It also smells of him. That familiar musk and sweet scent, which oddly relaxes you. He has a queen-size bed, a couple of posters hung up on the wall, and a desk and a chair.

"So, goodnight." Haechan says before he turns off the lights. "Sleep well."

"Night." You smiled.

Haechan turned off the lights and went to sleep. You stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. You were so excited and happy to finally have met Haechan. You were also curious about him and couldn't wait to learn more.

As you slowly drifted off to sleep, you smiled, thinking about your new neighbor.

And how the two of you will be spending a lot of time together from now on.

"So you ended up spending the night at his place?" Mark asked hours later as you met up with him and Hendery after your afternoon classes ended.

"Yeah." You nodded, unable to hide the exhaustion from your face.

"And you're saying you stayed up late playing games and not fucking?" Hendery asked, his eyebrows raised.

"We just played games." You shook your head.

"And nothing happened?" Mark tilted his head, questioning.

"Nothing." You shrugged.

"Damn, girl." Mark laughed. "Who are you and what happened to Y/N?"

"I don't know." You sighed.

"Did you like him?" Hendery asked as he opened his soda and chugged it down.

"Yes. But I'm not gonna do anything about it." You shrugged.

"Why not?" Mark asked.

"I'm not that kind of girl." You shrugged.

"You are." Mark and Hendery said in unison.

"Look, I'll admit that I have a reputation, but I'm not the kind of girl that goes for every guy she sees. And besides, Haechan and I had a really great time last night." You shrugged.

"Aww, look at our little Y/N being all mature and responsible." Mark said, pretending to cry.

"Shut up, Mark." You scoffed.

"You're growing up, Y/N." Hendery wiped away a fake tear.

"Just shut up. Both of you." You rolled your eyes, walking faster. Your friends just laughed and teased you even more.

Meanwhile, Haechan is spending the day trying not to think of you. But how can he when you're literally the only thing he's ever thought of?

Haechan knows it's stupid of him to believe you two were destined to meet. And yet, after one night of passion, the universe decided to play a trick on him and place you in the same building, mere inches away from each other.

Haechan didn't really expect anything the morning after, although he had a pretty nice time with you last night. But when he wakes up the morning after, the first thing he thinks of is how he wants to see you again, even though the two of you are not even dating and your one night of passion might be just that.

There's just something about you that draws him in and makes him want to be around you more. And the funny thing is, it wasn't just a physical attraction. No, Haechan wants to learn more about you. Wants to hear you talk about whatever you're passionate about. Even if that meant hearing you ramble on about something he barely understood or even didn't know.

However, being the shy nerd he is, Haechan has no idea how to act and what to say to you. He doesn't want to come off as needy or pushy, but at the same time, he wants to spend more time with you. He knows how you like it loud and wild and how much fun it is for you when people are around. But he's seen that side of you and you know the person behind those glasses. The real person who's a nerd, just like him.

He remembers the conversation you had with him the night before as clear as day. About you once being a nerd and how people didn't know about your gaming skills and interests. He can't help but find you more attractive when he's learning more about you. Your nerdy interests, the way you play video games, your humor. And he loved the fact that the two of you can bond over those things. It made him feel special, like it wasn't easy to come by. He's usually the first one to shy away from most people, but not with you.

A loud ring echoed through the air as Haechan snapped out of his thoughts and stared at his laptop.

"Sorry about that." Jeno quickly picks up his ringing phone, trying not to disturb his friends. "Hello?"

Haechan watches as Jeno walks away while on the phone. Jaemin, Renjun and Yangyang are too engrossed in their game, barely paying attention to him. Haechan decided that now was the best time for him to talk with them. "Guys, I need some advice."

"About what?" Renjun asks.

"Is it about Y/N?" Jaemin asks without missing a beat.

"What?" Haechan gasped. "How did you—"

"It's written all over your face." Jaemin deadpanned.

"Oh."

"Come on, just spit it out." Renjun nudged him. "Do you like Y/N? Because she has that effect on most of our male species, let alone on guys from other colleges."

"I mean...you guys like her, right?" Haechan hesitantly asked, his face heating up.

"Yeah. But it's not like we're gonna fuck or anything." Yangyang asked, clearly confused.

"She's a free spirit." Jaemin smirked. "She can do whatever and whoever she wants."

"I don't...look I just..." Haechan let out an exasperated breath.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just hear it." Jeno returned as soon as he hung up.

Haechan looks at each of his friend's faces, trying his best not to blush.

"Well," He says, fidgeting with his sleeves. "It's...it's just that Y/N is awesome." He stammers.

"No shit." Jeno chuckles.

"No, really!" Haechan exclaims. "And last night was so much fun with her."

"Did y'all fuck again? You were in such a good mood this morning, it wouldn't surprise me at all." Renjun says.

"No, we didn't!" Haechan shakes his head. "We spent the entire night playing games."

"Oh, I was about to tease you so hard, man." Renjun fake cries.

"Well, I liked hanging out with her and we played games all night, but there was nothing sexual or anything like that." Haechan said quietly.

"Oh." All of them speak in unison. They exchange confused glances and turn their attention back to the gamer before them.

"How can someone be that cute, man?" Haechan pouted.

The guys blinked.

"What?" Haechan furrows his brow.

"Haechan...you're okay, right? Like, mentally, are you okay? Physically?" Jaemin asked as he reached over to place his palm against the nerd's forehead. "Are you sick?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes, Jaemin, I'm fine. No, I'm not sick, thank you very much. No fever." Haechan slapped Jaemin's hand away.

"Seriously, man. We haven't seen you this cheerful and all smiles ever since...ever." Jeno furrowed his eyebrows at Haechan, confusion written all over his face.

"I have to make sure, dude. Because this isn't like you. You don't fall for people this easily. Especially after one night, mind you. And I've never seen you like this...ever." Jaemin shook his head at him.

"Come on." Renjun spoke for the first time. "Tell us everything and we can give you some feedback."

"Uh..."

"And be detailed." Jeno winks.

Haechan let out a long sigh before he explained everything that happened last night. How you both went to get coffee,  going back to his apartment, finding out that you were neighbors, playing and talking about video games, and crashing at his place. He even explained what happened this morning where the both of you said goodbye.

Once he finished explaining, his friends all stared at him in disbelief.

"Wow..." Jeno shook his head. "So, no sex, huh? Really?"

"Really. That's the first thing you ask?" Haechan asked incredulously. "Yes, really! For once, I wasn't the nerd that sat on his ass while playing games. For once, I had a good time! What, am I supposed to have sex every time I go out?"

"No, but—" Jeno starts.

"Listen. When Y/N and I were playing, I couldn't stop smiling. I had the time of my life with her and she made me feel great, and not because I got laid." Haechan looks at his hands and sighs. "What I'm trying to say is that I haven't felt that way in a long time. Just knowing that she's here, just an inch away and not at the club where there are a thousand other guys waiting for the same treatment. I couldn't have it any other way. Does that make sense?

Renjun smacks Jeno upside the head before anyone can respond to the question. "Dude, Haechan has a crush!"

"Ow. And finally. Took him long enough." Jeno grunted and rubbed the spot. "Now we can tease him even more."

Haechan blushed profusely. "I-I wouldn't call it a crush. Just because we had a good time. Like, yeah, she's hot, and a gamer and super chill, but—"

"Did you just call Y/N hot? Damn, you really are gone." Jaemin said.

Haechan slapped Jaemin's arm. "Shut up."

"But, like, have you ever considered that this could work?" Renjun asked.

"Have I...what?" Haechan started.

"Look." Yangyang says. "You guys fucked before. You guys are neighbors now. You guys clearly have the same interests. Kinda. And you are both available. Plus, you two seem to have this connection. So why not give it a shot?"

"Yeah." Jeno said as he took a sip of his coffee. "Besides, it'll keep you out of your bedroom."

"Or get you stuck inside a bedroom." Renjun snickered.

Haechan shoots him a death glare but doesn't say anything.

"What are you guys planning to do now? Just hang out? Play video games? Do the do?" Jaemin asked, smirking. "Just try to enjoy the rest of the semester and have fun with her. Who knows? It might even lead to more."

"Yeah." Renjun shrugged. "Besides, it doesn't hurt to get closer. You're both single. Might as well shoot your shot."

"Yeah, okay. Sounds fair." Haechan sighed. "Thanks for the advice, guys."

"Yo, that reminds me." Yangyang's face lights up as he opens his backpack and pulls out a pair of tickets. "Haechan, why don't you take Y/N to this?"

Haechan eyes the tickets suspiciously. "What is it?"

"It's a local convention. All these nerds are coming out. You know, for video games and comics and shit. If Y/N likes these things, then this is a perfect date." Yangyang smiles.

"I guess it's pretty interesting." Haechan picks up a ticket to examine the details. He tried not to smile at the thought of seeing you there. "Do you really think Y/N would enjoy going there?"

"Maybe, I don't know. What's stopping you from asking her though?" Yangyang asked as he raised his eyebrows.

Haechan looks down at the tickets and then to Yangyang's face, a slow smile spreads on his face. "Thanks, dude. You're right. It wouldn't hurt to invite her."

You let your gaze wander as you glanced at the crowd and wondered when was the last time you attended something like this. A comic convention filled to the brim with cosplayers and hardcore geeks and nerds. Some fans even had merch with their favorite characters, while others just came for the sake of it and maybe even for a date or two.

You caught a few people from your college as they had fun and watched a panel on some show or another, while some of them are doing some sort of art, reading a book or checking out the games that are in store. There is even a special guests section in one corner. You shook your head in disbelief, thinking how lucky you were that Haechan even let you tag along, seeing that it was usually impossible for you to buy tickets these days, seeing that the queue to get these is always filled and you are lucky enough to even have the chance.

Your gaze moves from the crowds around you to the person standing next to you, or rather the person you are currently leaning onto. You see that his eyes are also roaming around the crowds and that the people next to him are chatting, not paying attention to you.

"See? Didn't I say that it would be awesome to have you here with me? So far, we haven't even had any awkward conversation and we aren't bored, like my friends were yesterday. It's totally worth getting out of my apartment." Haechan exclaimed, a huge grin on his face.

You couldn't help but smile and give him a side eye, glancing at his side profile. Haechan is kind of adorable, with his big, thick, round, black glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles and the dimples that are displayed every time he opens his mouth or when he speaks. It makes your heart skip a beat and butterflies erupt from the pit of your stomach. His pink, soft and full lips are also incredibly kissable and make him look very sweet and innocent.

"Totally, Haechan. We could stay here forever." You say with a laugh.

"You think?" His eyes sparkle with amusement.

"I know." You bump his shoulder playfully. "Maybe we should come here together the next time one of these comes by. What do you think?"

"Definitely." Haechan says eagerly, smiling widely.

"Cool. But since this is just the first time that we've come here together, what do you want to do now, Haechan? Go shopping or take pictures? Or maybe we can watch a couple of the shows in the main hall. I bet you are really looking forward to this." You ask while pointing to one of the posters in the convention area.

Haechan thought for a moment before replying, "To be honest, I would have loved to see some panels. But we can shop too. How about you? Are there any artists you are interested in?"

"Sure." You agreed, looking back at him with a smile on your face, "It's totally okay to want to go and have fun. As long as we don't get lost, let's shop for whatever. I'm cool with anything, Haechan."

"Alright," he agrees, letting you continue leading the way.

"Hmm...Should we go and see what this year has to offer?"

The two of you start walking around and look at all of the new books that have been published, including the special ones with artwork in them. Some of those are signed, which is a huge bonus to collectors or those who can afford it. After a while, the both of you decide on the comics that interest you the most and buy two copies of each to make it easier. You also pick up a few books for your respective shelves in your apartment, the ones that you are sure will be treasured.

You wandered to a booth that was selling some adult content and flipped through a few comics. You bit your bottom lip as you read a pretty steamy scene on the page that you flipped open and imagined you and Haechan doing the same positions as the characters on the page.

"Found a comic that caught your interest?" You look up to find a smiling Haechan standing next to you.

"What?" You raise one brow and look over at the comic before placing it back on the table and walking a short distance away. Haechan watches you walk away but grabs the same comic that you put back down and flips the pages. Once he lands on the page that caused you to bite your bottom lip, he understands why you put it back down.

He blushes deeply as his eyes scan the steamy artwork.

He shut the book closed. "Um...are you ready?" He calls out, holding the book tightly.

"I'm almost ready," you tell him as you approach him, placing a few comic books in your shopping basket, "I need to decide between the second one or the third one."

Haechan grabs the adult comic and tosses it in the basket without you noticing and leads you to the cashier to purchase it. You never noticed and you were never aware that it was in your basket. Haechan was so stealthy that he managed to pay for the whole basket before you even noticed.

After walking for a while, you needed to use the restroom and pulled Haechan with you. Luckily you found a restroom with no stalls and after pulling Haechan into the room, you locked the door behind the both of you. Once he realized that there were no stalls, he turned red with embarrassment.

"Did you drag me in here because of that adult comic?" He questioned, fidgeting his hands in front of him nervously, biting his lip.

"Maybe. I saw that you picked it up while I was grabbing my things. Thought you were sneaky, huh?" You smiled as you walked up to him and grabbed hold of his hand, pressing it against your stomach. "Haechan?" 

You looked into his brown eyes as you pushed his fingers down under the waistband of your skirt. He sucked in a breath.

"Do you...uh..want to try it out?" You asked while grabbing the belt loop on his jeans.

"Try it out..." he repeated slowly. "Like right now?"

"Well...I mean...we're here..."

He was silent for a minute before looking back up at you. "...yes" he nods.

You pushed him to sit on the closed toilet seat and drop to your knees in between his spread legs. You stare up at his innocent expression.

"Fuck, I can't believe we're doing this in a public restroom," Haechan said, watching you slowly unbuckle his pants. You smirked, knowing exactly what he was getting at.

"What? Are you shy?" You ask softly.

Haechan narrowed his eyes, and you unzipped his jeans, pulling them down, along with his boxers. Then you raised your eyes and gave his crotch a quick glance, noting the size, girth, shape, color. When he noticed the way you were admiring him, he tried to hide his reaction, but ended up covering his face with his left hand.

"Haechan...we've already done it." You point out.

"Not with the lights on and with both of us sober..." he muttered under his breath.

"Shh..." you cooed gently, reaching for his length and stroking gently.

"We could get caught," Haechan murmured, still peeking down at you from his hand.

"I locked the door, it's okay."

"I don't think..." he mumbled again as he began to squirm.

His penis was growing in your grip as it hardened. Haechan shuddered when your thumb rubbed along the tip.

"Still embarrassed?" You ask quietly, kissing the base of his penis. You hear him take a shaky breath as you kiss all along his length, feeling his thighs tense as he tries not to move too much. He's holding back. You liked that.

"Yes," he responds a little breathlessly, and you lick the slit at the top of his dick, "Oh fuck," he murmurs and you hear the sound of his head hitting the tile wall behind him. You take the head in your mouth and begin to suck, sliding down his length inch-by-inch until he's deep in the back of your throat. His hand slides around the back of your head. His breathing becomes irregular and he moans as you begin to bob up and down.

Haechan didn't moan, or whisper encouragement, or try to control your motions with his hand, like you've experienced with past sexual partners. He allowed you to set the pace and you sucked and licked at your own speed, while he made quiet moaning noises as if he was trying to stay quiet but couldn't help himself. That drove you to push yourself harder, try to make him lose control. You wanted him to cry out, to grab the back of your head and make you swallow his entire cock as he exploded down your throat. You were almost aching as you swallowed around his cock.

It wasn't until you moaned quietly with his penis filling up your mouth and his tip hitting the back of your throat that Haechan moaned louder and gripped onto the back of your head.

"Ugh, Y/N." He groaned your name, tightening his grip and making your head bounce a little faster than you were before.

"Don't stop, god, you're gonna make me..." his hips suddenly rocked up into your mouth as he held your head there and you felt his body tense and his cock began to throb as he came in the back of your throat.

Haechan held you there and released in several spurts, nearly hitting your gag reflex at the back of your throat, but not enough to cause it. When you felt his hold lessen and his penis beginning to soften, you finally swallowed his semen. Then, you let his penis slowly slide out from your mouth with an audible 'pop.'

Looking up at Haechan, his cheeks flushed pink and his eyes half lidded and staring into the space above your head, he looked blissful and happy. That caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach and the beginnings of arousal to settle in between your legs.

Pulling his boxers and his jeans up, Haechan sits up a bit and blinks and the world comes back into focus.

"That..." he said.

You grinned cheekily. "Good?"

Haechan leaned down and pecked you quickly before whispering, "Thank you."

Your heart skipped a beat at the sweetness of that action. He really is adorable, you thought.

"Let me return the favor in the car, okay?"

You could only nod, knowing your panties are already soaked and wanting to ride his cock already.

A week after attending the convention, the two of you are hanging out in your apartment. You and Haechan are seated side by side and are currently gaming, sitting with each other in your living room. You are watching the TV screen and pressing the buttons on the console's gamepad, immersed in the game. On the television, you are fighting a boss battle against an over-sized monster. You and Haechan sit silently as the fight plays out, neither one of you daring to talk as the game has become quite intense. After a few more minutes pass, the big, final boss is defeated and you let out an exhale, throwing your controller beside you with an exasperated grunt.

"Fuck." You say, with a mixture of happiness and frustration. The game was fun, but frustrating. Haechan nods in agreement as he removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly.

"Wonder what Mark and the others are doing right now?" You asked.

Haechan opened his phone and scrolled through the list of messages. "Looks like they're headed to another frat party. Wanna join?"

"Nope. Early lecture tomorrow." You mutter. "And I was kind of hoping to spend some time with a cute nerd," You said and placed a small kiss on Haechan's nose.

"Good, cause I was really hoping to get to know that cute girl better." He whispers, smiling. You felt butterflies flutter in your stomach at his confession and your lips couldn't help but tug up into a grin.

You settled in to watch a film, Haechan had chosen some B rated comedy that you'd already seen ten times.

Halfway through the movie you felt his arm circle your shoulders and instinctively moved into his body, curling your legs up, wrapping your arms around his waist. His warmth and scent, instantly comforting, reminding you how safe you felt when wrapped up in his embrace. You hadn't realized, as your focus drifted onto how good it felt having him near you, how comfortable it was just to sit with him like this, that the feeling was returned in kind. His body relaxed a little, allowing him to settle deeper into the sofa cushions, while his thumb gently stroked against your shoulder, soothing both of you in equal measure.

Losing all awareness of the movie and your mind switching off from any task that might ordinarily pull at your focus, you simply enjoy the feeling of his warmth. At least you thought, you were both lost to the moment, as it wasn't long before his fingers brushed against your throat and up over your jaw to capture your chin. Gently, he tilts your head towards his, and you notice how his breath has quickened just the smallest amount. You can't help but feel the fluttering in your belly from that, as well as his warmth and the softness of his eyes in the darkened room.

There are only a couple of inches separating your lips. He slowly closes the gap, waiting for you to pull away. When you don't and instead lean into the softest kiss imaginable, he hums softly into your mouth. It's slow, teasing and almost lazy. A total opposite from the eager, impassioned lust of your first encounter together. His tongue explores the corners of your lips and across your teeth while he nips, sucks and nibbles lightly at your full lower lip. He tastes of mint toothpaste, his breath, and something sweet and earthy. It sends your senses into overdrive. Your fingers comb gently into the soft strands at the back of his neck. You need this, you've never wanted anyone quite as much as you want him right now.

It's so unfair really; that no one could make you this hot by simply brushing his lips over yours and then along the edge of your ear. His tongue tracing across your sensitive skin just behind your earlobe. That a single kiss to your throat was all it took to have you gasping, tingling all over and so turned on. And yet, you wouldn't change a thing.

“Can I taste you?" He whispered hoarsely, in a deep husk and you couldn't hold back a shiver of anticipation. "Every inch of you?"

How could you say no? And more importantly why would you. You nod with a tiny gasp and are rewarded with another light brush of his lips to yours. 

Oh, god. You couldn't stop now even if your life depended on it. And maybe it did. You felt so desperately out of control, as his tongue played lazily with yours, his lips suckling and nibbling on yours until you could do nothing but melt into him.

“Haechan…” Your breath hitched, barely able to speak, your mind swirling and intoxicated. “Do you want to spend the night? There's no reason for you to go back to your apartment. We could, um...keep this going, if you want..."

“Okay..." Haechan said softly as you stood up and pulled him towards your bedroom. The bed was a mess as you pushed him down on his back.

Haechan reaches down to pull his t-shirt off, and you straddle his legs, fumbling to undo his zipper as quickly as possible. In no time, you were both fully nude. Your lips and tongue meet Haechan as you roll over. He was straddled over your hips and was staring down at your naked body, licking his lips slowly.

"You're beautiful." Haechan breathed softly, tracing his fingertips delicately over your neck, collar bones, and shoulders. Goosebumps appeared in the wake of his touch and you closed your eyes and whimpered a little, tipping your chin up.

He captured your lips softly and slowly in a hot kiss that quickly turned fierce.

He moves to kiss the side of your face, and down to the base of your earlobes. Slowly his hot breath trails lower, over your chest and stomach and even lower. When his head settled between your legs and your breathing picked up, and you got up onto your elbows to look at him. Haechan made eye contact, looking so sweet, cute, and totally irresistible as he was positioned down between your legs.

A few seconds of heavy breathing and you decided you wanted his face against you, immediately. So you fisted one hand in his hair and tugged, getting his attention. Haechan quickly learned how to give the most incredible tongue kisses; just slow enough to tease you and enough pressure that it made your back arch. He kept at it with alternating soft and firm licks; swirls of the tongue that alternated with broad flat-tongue swipes along your wet pussy.

Haechan paused, breath hot and mouth still so close.

"Does it feel good, when I lick you like that, baby? Let me hear it, too. I've been dying to taste your perfect pussy and make it gush," Haechan spoke gently.

"God, where'd you learn to talk like that??" You gasp.

"In your books." Haechan pointed towards the pile of adult comics on your dresser.

You swallow. "Well keep going, because it's really fucking working."

"Tell me what to do next," Haechan said and sucked hard, while rubbing slow circles over your clit with one finger.

"Fuck me with your tongue," You breathe, and Haechan happily complies. You're absolutely soaking as Haechan makes good use of his hands as he flattens his tongue over your clit, then flutters his tongue against it. When his fingers dive inside you, your grip tightens and you tug his hair.

"Yeah. Haechan...keep touching me. Just like that," You tell him, a little breathlessly. You try to keep eye contact as you rock into the movements of his hand. When his fingers curve to find that spot inside you, your breath catches in your throat and you can't help it as your eyelids flutter closed for a moment. Haechan responds by latching his lips around your swollen, throbbing clit and suckling a few times.

That action combined with the internal pressure of his fingers pushes you over the edge. Your hips thrust wildly against his mouth and a strangled sort of whine leaves you, followed by gasps, groans, and mewls of pleasure.

When Haechan's hands finally fall from your thighs and he looks up at your flushed face, he chuckles softly. Haechan crawls over you, and presses his face in your hair, placing soft kisses down to your shoulder. "Good girl," he purred.

"Haechan," You said breathlessly as he lifted his head up, grinning. He moved down the bed slightly, positioning his throbbing dick between your wet folds. The sensation had your spine arching, your inner walls contracting around the emptiness, desperately searching for the fullness of him inside you.

You gasped as Haechan moved forward and eased himself inside you, stretching and filling you until you felt that intoxicating fullness. You stared up at his features and he blinked slowly, keeping his gaze steady on you, watching and gauging your reaction. You chewed on your lower lip and clutched at his biceps, nails digging into flesh and dragging down his arms.

"Move," You whimpered. His soft chuckle caused an excited chill to run up your spine and a sweet moan to leave your lips.

Haechan leaned down to kiss the side of your neck as his hips moved with his thrusts, his penis burying itself inside you with short, swift strokes.

The friction was heavenly. Each time the tip of his length touched against the end of your slick pussy, and withdrew again, he caused more ripples of pleasure to shiver across the surface of your skin. You shivered against the sheets below you, your eyelashes fluttering, his name leaving your lips in soft cries.

You opened your legs wider and wrapped them around his waist to let his length push into you more easily. You raised your hips off the bed, grinding yourself up against him. This elicited a groan from him, and your thighs clenched around him more tightly. The tips of your breasts rubbed against his chest and tickled. It felt so, so good...

"Haechan...please..." Your moans continued as his hands gripped at your thighs, spreading them further apart as he slowly increased the speed of his thrusts. "Don't stop, baby...fuck..."

His breathing grew rougher and shorter. Your fingernails scratched down his sweat-slick chest. Every time he sank his cock deep inside you, you could feel his tip kissing up against a pleasurable spot and it caused sparks to explode inside you. You were panting, crying out. Haechan could feel your hips lifting off of the bed to match his every thrust as his grunts and moans grew deeper and more lustful. You were so incredibly close, and by the look of his handsome, strained face, he wasn't far from finishing either.

"Fuck. Yes, Y/N...that's it. Say my name," Haechan uttered, his gaze now burning right into yours, and his body shaking a little. "Don't fucking stop saying it...I wanna hear your sexy voice telling me how good it feels when I fuck you."

The pulsing between your legs intensified and before you knew it, the familiar shudders rushed up your torso and shook every part of your body. "Yes, Haechan, right there, fuck. You feel so good. Don't stop! Don't stop!"

You felt his hips start to lose their rhythm. You closed your eyes and drew a deep breath.

"Oh god, baby, Haechan...just like that," You spurred him on, clinging to his shoulders. He gave a few particularly fast, desperate thrusts before groaning and pulsing inside you. That feeling sent you over the edge and you called his name, nails raking down his back and fingers gripping the sheets so tightly you swore your knuckles were turning white. 

Haechan kept rocking slowly inside you and he brought his palm up to the center of your stomach and circled his fingertips over the surface, rubbing down into your lower abdomen. You shuddered pleasurably at the contact.

"Don't take it out, stay," You told him quietly, eyes sliding closed, and you breathed out heavily through your nostrils. He murmured incoherently and continued massaging your lower belly while keeping himself buried deeply inside you. 

After a short time, Haechan pulled out slowly, leaving his warm semen to slowly drip out of you.

He made his way up to you and brought you close, draping his arm over you to keep you by his side. "Hmmm, you're so pretty...But let me ask you something."

"What?" You yawned and shifted over to rest your head on his chest, nuzzling into his warmth.

"Can we keep doing this? Like regularly?" Haechan asked and combed a hand through your hair.

You sit up and open an eyelid. "As in...?"

"You...me..." Haechan waggled his fingers. "And us having sex, together."

You laughed softly. "Seriously Haechan?"

He gives an innocent look. "It's not the worst idea, is it? We have a great chemistry, obviously."

You turned on your stomach and faced him, smiling. You brushed some of his sweaty hair off of his forehead. "I love chemistry."

Haechan smiles back and shifts closer, pressing your noses together. "So...?"

Your response came out a soft whisper. "Yeah."

"So, you're basically gonna be my fuck buddy?" Haechan tilts his head, raising an eyebrow.

You roll your eyes. "How about your girlfriend? Hmm?"

"I'll take that option." He smirks and grabs you for a kiss. "So...shower first or sleep first?"

"Shower and then sleep sounds nice..." You trailed off and rested your hands over his around your chest.

He gave you a squeeze and a nudge to your rear to get you moving. With a grumble you threw off the sheets and followed him, making your way to the bathroom for the first of many wonderful nights together.

[i-love-my-boyfriend]

last name.

summary: everybody calls u by ur last name, hoping that ur last name turned into his.

"hi [last name]!" "[last name]! hey over here!" "yo [last name]."

it's not that i'm bothered by it but when did this all start? after all, i do have an first name. all these racing around my head. i don't know why do i become so hyperfocused on something i can't necessarily control? it's just a name.

"hey [last name]!" i look up from my phone, a familar voice speaking out in contrast to the loud classroom.

"how did u do on the math test last week?" he looks back from the desk he's sitting at, smiling and waiting for what i'm about to say.

i sigh, knowing my response. "i got an 83%. not horrible but this is the worst test grade i've gotten so far."

"ahh. yeah that math unit was hella hard. i'm pretty sure our whole GRADE was confused." he also sighs, looking out the window.

i zone out, focusing on his features. although we've been friends for 2 years, i've always admired him from a far. not only his face but how he is as a person. i've never seen him ever yell, get mad or anything. it's like he's never had any flaws.

i'm taken out of my enchantment as the bell rings. great.

"good morning everyone! the bell has rung, which is our cue to learn!" honestly, how is my math teacher so peppy, even in the morning?

i watch him turn around to face front, his fluffy hair blocking my view.

there is just something about him. his face, his personality, his hair. all of it creates a huge whirly feeling inside my chest.

i'm sure this is what love feels like but why? i've been friends with him for 2 years. to have not felt something like this within that time? or maybe i have always felt this type of feeling in my body.

you're becoming hyperfocused on yourself again. oopsies. moving on.

i've always thought about the future, my future. who i would have as friends and who i wouldn't. my house, my job, my husband and kids. trying to imagine all those things is hard but i still find myself to include him in all those categories, especially the husband department.

over the next couple days, the thought of him as my boyfriend and husband has been eating at me. i mean how could i ignore it? i talk to him everyday, see him everyday. it's like i can't escape him.

just the thought about being called 'mrs. [his last name]' has me kicking my feet. i think at this point, with the amount of thinking i have done over him, i need to accept the fact i am in love with this idiot.

"[last name], you okay? you look like really out of it." oops, forgot i was at lunch. wish i was in my own little bubble, away from the world.

"huh? oh yeah sorry, just thinking." i chuckle nervously.

he speaks up. "oooh thinking about what?" he wiggles his eyebrows, up and down.

"oh my god, shut up." i slap his shoulder. "it's not like that. just thinking about future is all."

"am i in it?" wiggling his eyebrows, again.

yes, you are. and in it, i'm your loving, patient, supportive wife, with your last name. mrs. [his last name].

author note: hello everyone! this is my first post. i don't write often so if you have any (constructive) criticism, please let me know abt how i can improve my writing! i also write on my phone and without autocorrect sooo sorry if there any misspelled worda throughout. thank u for reading and hope ur doing well :).

[kouhaiofcolor]

i understand why you feel this way. But if u had the access to these other countries the way you have access black americans- and the way they have access to us through media you would understand the flaw in what you are saying. the desecration of our cultures and degradation of blackness is quite literally everywhere equally. I grew in trinidad, you don't see what goes on there. No eyes are covering what trinbagonians (hell they won't even cover Sudan or the Congo or Somalia or South Africa) are doing & their cultural mores the way all eyes are on America. For example while West Indians will hype carnival and the history as though it's some well respected event in tribute the ancestors - i just saw a video of a literal child - a boy under 10 yrs old trying to buss a whine on a grown ass woman bent over to let him grind on her ass- while a crowd of adults watched and laughed and egged him on. Yes black americans are flawed just like any group- but I have never seen anything like that here ever. And I see it regularly with this oh so historical revered cultural event. I am of Trinidadian and American Black heritage. I love carnival. I have played mas/ participated in carnival.I am not simply downing the culture. I just want you know the only difference is high visibility Black Americans have that allows people to speak down on Black Americans so easily. And because Black Americans don't know- through no fault of their own - some buy into denigrating each other as Black Americans- I see it all the time. And I sit there shaking my head- because if they only knew. I want to laugh when West Indians talk about American education system- yes it is lacking- but when Black folks outside of America say 'we know we come from Americans don't' - especially if you are from the caribbean- I have never heard a statement more asinine in my life. And they stand on it because eDuCaTiOn. l promise you that Black Americans do not deserve the criticism you are giving more than any other group. I get it tho. It can be frustrating and disappointing and disheartening especially if you actually love your people. I know I love mine. Blackness is as flawed and as it beautiful everywhere you go. Not trying to change your mind, just offer a different perspective.

This is about this op, right? I'll apologize if it seems like it read differently, but I have no illusions whatsoever about how global antiblackness is. I definitely do not believe (nor was I establishing) that African Americans are wholly responsible for negative perceptions of Black people as a construct — but I also wasn't standing on some sort of "bias" for seeing distortions between how Black Americans are frankly more responsible these days for things that makes us look so damn terrible in the US. Is it too forward to be frank about it like that? I think this criticism matters just as much as the issues themselves.

Frankly, if we gone get into this tho, I gotta delve. I need to get it out anyway, so I actually appreciate you checking my perspective as well as sharing yours.

The takeaways are bolded below the cut, if that helps. There's a tldr, too. #Nbdni.

Ofc there are Black People who aren't from the states capable of harming our representation. My criticisms were concentrated on the kind of self and communal destruction I've both grown up experiencing and being witness to myself that is unique to the way we live as Black Americans, though (which was more than specified for parts of the diaspora I took care to omit so that I wasn't generalizing literally everyone Black from any given part of the world).

Yeah, there's internal antiblackness all over the diaspora, but I feel like we really need to stop negating how Black Americans are by far the modern faces and voices of the worst of it on such a global scale and regular (normalized) basis. I'm also aware that being Black in the self proclaimed "freest and most opportunistic country in the world" itfp, is what makes it so easy to damage the representation of Black people at large; so we unfortunately tend to saturate visibility in general for that reason alone. I also know that in a lot of ways it is thee wedge between how Black culture is perceived in other parts of the world, as well as how Black culture is prevalently defined or associated within the US.

While I do get where you're coming from, I cannot (and did not) speak on how antiblackness among Black people from Trinidad or, say, Mozambique or Somalia works, bc those are qualities of life I haven't experienced and frankly don't think I have the range to speak on as a Black American. I spoke on the state of the Black community in the US specifically and exclusively since, as plenty diasporans can vouch for, we dominate visibility here. I went out of my way to not lump everyone together; I know what I was saying and was absolute about what I meant, just to be clear.

The anecdotal bit about the video of the underage boy dancing w the grown woman, is unfortunately nothing out of the ordinary (and p great example of what I'm talking about) when it comes to the kind of cringy behavior among Black American adults that shape the experiences, values, upbringing and development of Black children — and harm our image. Esp in the US?? You've never seen anything like that here??? Consider yourself lucky to have never been witness to something relatively commonplace to see on social media and pretty humiliating secondhand. Beats me why literally anyone thinks watching or posting content like that is cute. Or why the caliber of Black adults this too often pertains to (in most contexts) find it amusing to put Black kids in situations where their representation as actual children is totally compromised or overridden, but. Those who find this kind of stuff entertaining usually aren't the brightest individuals themselves, but this definitely does happen in the US.

You're right that we have a lot of visibility here as Black Americans that eclipses the relevance of other parts of the diaspora; you're right that this particular part of the diaspora is riddled with unpacked, inherited trauma and internalized antiblackness through, at least originally, no fault of our own — but I seriously worry we've gotten suuuuuuuuuuuuper comfortable with that. At our own expense to absolve accountability on our part for any of it. I think we've gotten accustomed to making excuses and justifications for white supremacy being to blame for the antiblackness we perpetuate ourselves, to avoid actually resolving anything plaguing our communities because of us.

I'ma just be frank: Our ancestors put in work we're too divided and self absorbed as modern Black Americans to actually replicate; esp considering the trajectory we're on now. We just do not have what it takes, esp while an increasing number of us are finding it more "lucrative" to reduce our numbers through community violence — or for a belonging or identity among people more apt to fetishize us through our own willingness. And we'll call that "freedom" or a quality of life as opposed to learning how contrary it is in the face of actual antiblack American history.

What I find myself questioning and struggling to understand more and more, is when it boils down to it, on a personal as well as community level — exactly how much of our plight as modern Black Americans isn't our fault, though. How much of what stagnance and toxicity we actively normalize, perpetuate or do nothing to change within our own communities (whether collectively or as individuals) is not our fault? How much of this do we just not "know any better" or "know enough about" to actually fight for or invest in securing a quality of life actually worth living for future generations of Black people?

How much conscious internal encouragement and investment in abandoning or outright destroying our lineage, is not our fault? There's no togetherness, no real connectivity or bonds, no real values, no real livelihood, no sustainable resources, no wealth in health, no real traditions, no real protection or safety, no real immersion in our own diaspora, no closure on the grounds of slavery or reparations for it, no real community — in being Black in America. That's no generalization; this is a straight up testament plenty of Black Americans can, have and do vouch for. And even then I have a healthy understanding that not every Black American feels this way. I hear those who do, though; because everyone isn't unreasonable or biased or self-hating about it. There's validity in being ashamed of this kind of stuff. And it's getting scary how irrefutable and insurmountable the inner discourse, as well as the external judgement for it, is becoming.

We're not responsible for any of this? We don't perpetuate any of this garbage ourselves? We're not doing ourselves and our children the biggest disservice doing the arguable minimum about antiblack propaganda and behavior? Esp among each other?? The only people who even really speak on antiblackness are Black Women — and we're torn apart or gaslit for it all day all year both on and offline even by the community. There's a lot unique to how we move and what we normalize as Black Americans that we simply do not actually address, work to reverse or resolve, or even think is problematic:

The ways we're too comfortable outright or lowkey mistreating each other; the lack of sensitivity in how too many of us raise our children; the generational affects from rampant teen pregnancy and teen fatherhood rates; the baby daddy/mama culture that has become a community staple for all the wrongest reasons; promiscuity and infidelity; low marriage rates; single parenthood; low home ownership rates; our lack of connection to or real knowledge of Black culture that isn't African American (and that being fragmented as is); our lack of awareness of anything remotely positive or economically significant about Africa (esp w/ aaaaall the modern means to research); the prevalence of colorism in our communities as well as discrimination and hate-crimes that target fully Black Women in general; "divestment" movements and antiblack eugenic intent among Black people (we can call this one straight up coonery if it's simpler); texturism; featurism; lack of real accumulative or generational wealth to pass on; lack of real investment in ourselves or avenues to sustain our survival; literally zero community leadership; the ways we masculinize Black children as Black parents; the differences in the standards and expectations we have for our Black daughters and how much more lenient we are with our Black sons in comparison; Black on Black crime; gang violence/affiliation among Black youths; drug and sex trafficking of our own people by our own people; and the educational brainrot among Black youths hinged on the glamorized behavior of Black adults (esp celebrities), for instance.

How much of that is not our fault? The list is too damn long at this point; with common denominators spanning generations. The issues are too unique in how they're not as prevalent among other races of people. This isn't a white supremacy thing in it's larger entirety anymore the way it used to be, is what I was getting at. Antiblackness has definitely been absorbed and propagandized by modern Black Americans too, and we could do a lot better at actually taking the time to look inward at the things we've conformed to and perpetuate about ourselves and each other. But that's always asking for too much or it's too expectational. To use our minds as Black People for something conducive for us as opposed to harmful lol. Use them together for our actual benefit in the long-term, at that.

I guess I say all that to emphasize that I am becoming truly embarrassed by what modern Black Americans perceive as social progress and worth fighting as well as living for — even as a Black Woman who at this point only has the energy to esteem and push other Black Women anymore. But it hurts so much worse being constantly, inescapably snared in all the noise, shiftlessness and unchanging discourse here among us that does absolutely nothing for anyone.

TLDR; It feels like the Black community in the US doesn't actually mature and hasn't ever really developed, I guess. It gets embarrassing even when you have the capacity to understand how and why things are like this itfp. Antiblackness thrives, at this point, because of how unserious we take ourselves and each other. Hard truths are still truths. It's embarrassing, and it should be okay to be real about that.

[justmenoworries]

Yeah, okay, I'm officially annoyed at the direction this Volume took with Alyx.

RWDE and spoilers for V9E06 under the cut.

This whole "Alyx was actually evil" twist pisses me off for so many reasons.

One is that it just seems so... unnecessary? We don't know Alyx. If you didn't read the fairytale book (which the majority of people watching RWBY didn't) you'd have no idea who she is until maybe Volume 8 where Oscar and Ozpin briefly talk about the story she appears in. This feels like a twist for twist's sake and it rings hollow, because Alyx isn't a character anyone really cares about. We never spent time with her. All we have of her is her story, which is fed to us in snippets by the actual main characters. Additionally, Alyx was already hinted to not be an ideal heroine, being responsible for a war breaking out and stealing and cheating to get ahead. Making her a straight-up villain is not as shocking as the writers seem to think it is.

Second, it's very obviously just there to inflate Jaune's importance as the one who actually got to meet Alyx and saw her "true self". Jaune has no business being in this volume and the writers knew that. So they just stapled him to yet another way more interesting character so him once again stealing screentime from Team RWBY has the flimsiest of justifications. I dare you to tell me one good reason why Jaune should be in the Ever After that is not the Alyx-twist. Heck, even with the Alyx-twist, Jaune is still painfully superfluous. The Rusted Knight was already an established character in Alyx' story. He didn't need to be Jaune, he literally could have just been the Rusted Knight.

Thirdly, Alyx continues the trend of "every character that isn't one hundred percent good in the eyes of Team RWBY and their sycophants and hanger-ons will inevitably turn out evil". I have been waiting since Volume 5 for someone to tell Team RWBY to check themselves without getting villainized for it. The girls have been going 'My way or the highway' for far too long without being called out. So imagine my surprise when Volume 9 implied Team RWBY was gonna get called out, if indirectly. In episode 2, Yang starts to talk shit about Alyx, saying that she wasn't a good kid because she cheated and lied while travelling through the Ever After. To which Weiss counters that Alyx was a child in an unfamiliar environment, who most likely had to do all these things to survive and that the story is treating her situation in a way too black-and-white manner. The first time I saw this scene, I was immediately hooked. Critics have been pointing out Team RWBY's self-rightousness and unwillingness to see shades of gray ever since the whole Ironwood disaster. Was Rooster Teeth actually listening? Were the girls finally going to be confronted with the fact that they're not the last word on what is right or wrong? Haha, No. Turns out Yang was right. Alyx really was the worst. Just like Ironwood. No need for Team RWBY to take a hard look at their own morals and behavior.

Last but not least: With Alyx we have yet another character of color villainized. And the one to expose her was the blonde, blue-eyed white guy, whom she tricked and almost killed. And even before that, what little we got to know of her paints her as a violent, selfish thief. Thanks, I hate it.

EDITS:

Okay, I've just been informed that The Girl Who Fell Through the World (Alyx' story) apparently isn't in the fairytale book. It was literally added in in Volume 8. Making the Alyx "twist" even more fucking pointless.

Oh, and because I can't believe I forgot to talk about it before: Gotta love how the supposedly super-feminist show went "Yeah, the little black girl who's the heroine of one of our world's most beloved childrens' stories was actually an eeevil villain. The real heroes were her much smarter and much kinder older brother and the white guy who got his stupid ass self-inserted." Fucking yikes.

[hamliet]

Hi! Hope you are doing well. By any chance, have you happened to watch The Glory?

Oh no.

I say "oh no" because I have, in fact, watched Part 1. I will not be watching Part 2. And... my feelings on this story run long, and they run deep. I have only talked to two friends about it because my feelings are so unpopular but--

I hate The Glory. I truly, truly hate it as a story, as a piece of media, and I cannot for the life of me understand why it gets any praise at all.

Well, that's not fair, I guess. I can understand--it appeals to the id. But I still think people neglect critical thinking when it comes to this story, and as someone for whom this issue--bullying--is extremely personal in a lot of ways, I find it offensive.

*Also, I do want to acknowledge that there are absolutely cultural elements I am not familiar with. That said, I'm also not coming from "just googled it" when it comes to the specific cultural elements around bullying portrayed in The Glory; I do have experience there. However, I was not raised in this culture, so there are certainly many elements I'm missing*

Listen, I know I'm usually in the "fiction isn't reality!" camp, but I also always add that fiction doesn't happen in a vacuum. It is shaped by and therefore can shape reality. Lots of factors go in to determining how, and I do believe stories, especially those that deliberately try to be "issues" stories, should take care to be responsible. The Glory frames itself as an issues story, and it takes no care to be responsible whatsoever.

Yeah, yeah, it's a revenge story. But revenge stories, frankly, are very dull stories most of the time unless they are 1) shocking or 2) intellectually interesting. The Glory has no interest in provoking questions beyond the very basic "oh, did she go too far?"

The Glory in a rare category of my opinions where I think it is a bad story and the people who made it should reconsider their choices. It goes along with 13 Reasons Why in terms of how NOT to tell a story about an important issue, even if the makers are well intentioned (which I do think was the case for 13RW).* Not every way of bringing awareness to an issue is equal. There are irresponsible ways to talk about issues in fiction that actually reinforce harmful stereotypes, and that transcend the boundary between fiction and reality because the story is designed precisely to do so, and this is one of those cases.

*(Given what came out about the director of The Glory, it doesn't even seem like there was a good intention here. Also this was 0% shocking because the entire damn story is literally "How Bullies Think 101" but presenting it as how a victim thinks and without the self-awareness of calling that out. It's dishonest, unhealthy, irresponsible, shallow, and uses shock value to cover the fact that it has little depth. I hate to tell you but literally 99.99% of bullies think their victims deserve it. This could of course be an interesting meta commentary, but the story's not interested in anything deeper than "bullying bad," which everyone, even the worst of bullies, would say if you asked them if bullying is good or bad.)

So yeah. I hate The Glory.

I will say this: as someone who was bullied as a child, as someone who has worked with victims and with bullies themselves... The Glory is offensive, inhuman, and perpetuates every surface-level understanding of what bullying is, who perpetrates it, and who suffers from it. The reality is that portraying bullies as people who are just born bad is wrong. Morally, it's wrong. Issue-wise, it's unhelpful.

I could tell you stories that would make the abuse depicted in The Glory look tame. I could tell you what happened to those kids, and I could tell you about what it was like to protect kids from their bullies at the expense of my own wellbeing. I could tell you how helpless it feels when you know that other authority figures aren't just ignoring it, but actively contributing to bullying kids, and how many hours of sleep I lost working out plans to protect kids so that even if I couldn't save them, they knew someone cared. I'm still in touch with a lot of these kids today, actually.

I could also tell you what it was like to sit with those perpetrators and understand their lives, what motivated them, how goddamn scared and hurt they were, because hurting people hurt people, and know that I couldn't protect them the way every child deserves to be protected. When you've exhausted every legal avenue to save a kid who abused another and there's nothing you can do, how do you live with that? I could tell you what it was like to watch a child attempt suicide in front of me. Except I don't want to violate those kids any more.

I never met any kid whom I thought was doomed to be a perpetual victim or a perpetual bully. I did meet kids who were beyond my help, and the help my associates could get for them, but it should never have gotten to that point.

Even people who like to perpetuate the idea that rich kids are the problem--I've worked with kids who were literally royalty, who flew on private planes, whose parents are Important, and I've worked with the kids whose parents are coolies and who don't ever get fed at their home. You know what's remarkably similar about extreme wealth and extreme poverty? Attachment issues in their kids that lead to behavioral issues, because their parents aren't around for them physically or emotionally. Yes, rich kids still have more options, not denying that at all. But there's an interesting complexity here that could make for an interesting story, but The Glory is more "rich kids bad." Which is just not a particularly interesting or insightful commentary itself.

[go-go-devil]

4 & 8?

4. Is there a film that you love except for the ending? What would you change about the ending?

Granted I've only seen this film once so far, but while I really enjoyed The 'Burbs I thought the ending was a bit too weak compared to the rest of the story. Spoilers for a somewhat obscure 1980's black comedy incoming!

So basically the entire film is about this painfully average American suburbanites being suspicious about their weird new neighbors, the Klopeks, thinking that they might be murderers and going to great (& illegal!) lengths to gather evidence for this (often coming up short in the process). But then at the VERY end of the film the main character ends up being proven right about them being murders when he himself is almost murdered right after finally declaring that he was wrong about his suspicions of them!

It's not a horrible ending per say, I just thought it felt rushed and goes completely against the main comedy of the film; that being the paranoia that so often breeds in average white Americans whenever something slightly different from their boring way of life enters their neighborhoods. I think it would've been WAY funnier if the Klopeks weren't murders after all and at the end the mc accidentally gets them arrested for something completely innocuous in comparison, like them owning weed, but he's still treated like a hero for what he did for a bit before everyone goes right back to their usual business. Agree to disagree 'Burbs fans, but that's just how I feel.

8. Has a film ever made you extremely angry?

If Yorgos Lanthimos's The Lobster has a million haters I'm one of them. If Yorgos Lanthimos's The Lobster has ten haters I'm one of them. If Yorgos Lanthimos's The Lobster has one hater then that's me. If Yorgos Lanthimos's The Lobster has zero haters then I am no longer alive. If the world is for Yorgos Lanthimos's The Lobster then I am against the world.

This is my personal worst film I've ever seen. Even worse than bottomless pit budget garbage like Poor White Trash 2 because at least that film doesn't trick you into thinking it's a good movie. This movie is a "satire" with no point. It pretends to mock the strictness of our amatonormative society with a system forcing people to find a romantic partner in 45 days or else face punishment, only to then introduce a group of deviants who don't want romance or sex and spend the rest of the film demonizing them. "Oh, these 'loners' are actually JUST as bad, if not WORSE than the dystopian government forcing people to pair up with strangers because these people, for no fucking reason, decide to maim those who dare form a relationship and/or have sex!!1!"

I have actually tears in my eyes as I type this I'm so angry right now. This entire film is just another reminder that most people don't want people like me to exist in society, particularly due to the fact that so many critics and arthouse snobs think it's a good if not great flick. This pretentious motherfucker of a director couldn't even fathom the idea that maybe, just fucking maybe, a satire is supposed to punch up at the society it's criticizing, not lay down like a limp dog with the useless hypothesis that "Humans are INHERENTLY cruel to each other and there's NOTHING we can do about it."

So yeah, this movie makes me real fucking angry! I hope it and its rotten ideology gets buried and forgotten in the deepest sands of time!

[messiisgodibeliveinhim]

Reasons I Dislike The Obi-Wan Series

So I've seen an influx of Tumblr posts saying that people who don't like the OWK series or critic it a lot are just delusional, Star Wars haters, weirdos or better yet 'cis het white men with no life and can't let other people enjoy the content' .

I'm not gonna lie and say that there really aren't those type of people in the fandom but considering most of us who express our criticism of the series 'jobless whites' is a stretch too far. And as a brown woman who's a non-star wars hater and currently with a job (😅), I'd like to critic the show and give a few reasons as to why I dislike the show.

As people who follow me (NOT YOU, P*RNBOTS!) might know, I'm a huge Obi-Wan Kenobi fan. I have been since I've read John Miller's Kenobi (if you guys haven't read it, then please do. It's really good!). I love the prequels Obi-Wan, but the novel really kinda made me go insane about Obi-Wan- his strength, his compassion, his will power, his suffering, his loneliness...... And for every thing he's been through, he's always firmly stayed on the light side. He's a dedicated, hardworking jedi who has sacrificed and served unconditionally; to the order and the republic and to Anakin (yeah no, you can't convince me otherwise).

So imagine my happiness when the first trailer of the series came out. I was SOOOOO excited! I loved the trailer. The hopelessness when Obi-Wan says 'The fight is done. We lost. Stay hidden', the tension in Obi-Wan's and Owen's interaction and the terrifying ominousness of Vader's breathing (I think that's when the whole Star Wars fandom just exploded)

But alas, after the series ended, my view on the series had done a total 180°. It wasn't the worst show I've seen but the plot conveniences, the plot itself, the OOC-ness of some of the characters and the multiple times they broke canon to have the "epic" final fight between Vader and Obi-Wan aren't really unnoticeable or forgivable. Some moments and issues stuck out of the show like a sore thumb and made the whole viewing experience a bit terrible tbh.

Here's a few of the many that i just can't help but mentally scowl about:

Why does Obi-Wan leave Vader to live? After hearing from Vader's own mouth that his beloved former padawan no longer exists. That he was "killed" by Vader. At this point, Obi-Wan knew that Vader had committed heinous crimes, murdered children and innocents, one instant of which Obi-Wan was a witness to in Mapuzo and that he's powerful sith apprentice and a lap dog of the Emporer. Vader was weak and Obi-Wan had the opportunity to kill him, save the galaxy, especially the rebels. Weaken the empire's forces and take the emperor down to free the galaxy..... So WHY THE FUCK did he not kill him? For the safety of the rebels, the Skywalker children, the goddamn galaxy! But he just.... said 'Goodbye Darth' and left like a coward. #Not_my_ObiWan

Why did Vader not command the inquisitors in the Star Destroyer to go after the rebels when he went after Obi-Wan? I know that Vader "killed" Anakin but I'm pretty sure he hasn't killed his intelligence and I'm also pretty sure that the emperor wouldn't let a fool command his fleet. And moreover, Vader is known for his fierce determination and horrific strategies that would lead to his victory no matter the cost. So WHY, OH WHY did he shut down the third brother when he tried to suggest that they follow the rebel ship? Vader had his own ship and i know for a fact that the star destroyer carries many tie-fighters.... Uggghhhh, moving to the next point!

Why did Reva go off to kill Luke? Like what was her point? 'Anakin killed my kid friends so I'm gonna kill the kid who's probably associated to him'. Really??? All she hears from the comm is Owen-Luke-Tattooine and somehow she pieces it together that Luke is Vader's son? This is more embarrassing if you think that she made no connection to Anakin from Luke at all and just went about trying to kill a kid cuz she heard an idiotic man on the comm trying to reach Obi-Wan.

Bringing me to the fact that Bail Organa is fucking idiot. Not only does he not give a fuck about endagering Obi-Wan and Luke by showing up at Obi-Wan's cave UNNANNOINCED, to ask ONLY Obi-Wan's help to rescue Leia but he does that after Obi-Wan refuses to the first time. Bruh.... There are many people capable of rescuing a kid from silly thugs who struggle to catch a 10 year old when they give a "chase". That includes guess what?Ding Ding Ding.... Bounty Hunters. Ding Ding Ding.... the rebels! Ding Ding Ding.... the other Jedi who aren't protecting Luke.... But nah, he just shows up at Obi-Wan's and forces Obi-Wan to concede cuz "Only they know how important Leia is"..... *deep sigh*. Intricacies aside, it wasn't at all convincing to me why it should be Obi-Wan who rescues Leia rather than anybody else.

The last is the fact that the whole story was about Leia and Obi-Wan, rather than it being about Obi-Wan on Tattooine protecting Luke in a discrete fashion. Now, don't misunderstand, I love Leia. And I love the little girl who played her really well. But think about it. When Obi-Wan decided to become 'one with the force', why was Luke who barely knew Obi-Wan the only one to feel the anguish at his death? If Leia already knew Obi-Wan and connected with him so much during this whole ordeal, why didn't she react at all at this moment? Why didn't she say anything after, in the entire trilogy??? It doesn't make any sense! Also, I feel that it was a missed opportunity by making the story about Leia, when it should've been about Obi-Wan's life in Tattooine. How he was suffering from trauma after ORDER 66. How he still had to push himself to wake up every day, because he had taken the responsibility to look after Luke. How he overcame all tribulations that he faced with his past and his new life in Tattooine. How he finds hope again, with Luke and with new people that he meets. Instead the story that we get is just....meh.

And here's a few more that made me cringe when I rewatched the show

- The whole chase scene where 4 thugs try to catch a 10 year old who slips by them with ease, while they are coming from different directions.

- Making what should've been an epic scene where Obi-Wan fires up his saber after 10 long years into a pathetic one. (Like, I know he was scared, but then what was the point of him lighting up his saber for the first time after so many years when the moment was just made to look dull and unappealing.)

- Again, Obi-Wan himself not being able to get hold of Leia when she was mostly in his fingers' grasp the whole sequence, in another pitiful attempt of a chase scene.

- Leia asking if he was her father and his reply being 'I wish I was'? My brother in Christ, f*cking elaborate that you mean that 'Any father would be lucky to have you as a daughter'. Cuz it comes off as 'I wish I was the one who fucked Padme'🤐

- Roken saying he can't help Obi-Wan, then immediately agrees to help him.

- Tala just leaving a 10 year old to rescue a grown ass Jedi, only for Leia to get captured by Reva.

- Vader just letting Obi-Wan go after he dragged him through fire, Tala Tala and the robot "rescue" him.

- Reva not sensing that the kid is force sensitive when she's trying to mind-read Leia and gets nothing.

- Vader not sensing that there are no life forms in the ship he's stopping from escaping and ignoring the ship full of rebels and Obi-Wan right beside it.

- People not dying when they get stabbed by a goddamn lightsaber. (Although I don't exactly blame the series alone for this as its a reccuring theme in Star Wars)

- Obi-Wan making a deal with Reva then completely betraying her, even after finding out that she was a Jedi Youngling. #NOT_MY_OBIWAN

- Obi-Wan coming out to face Vader in episode 3, then proceeds to run away like a scaried little coward. I'm sry, I know that he's scared to face the kid he loved and that he's not at all strong as he was once. But there must be a reason as to why he tells Tala to take Leia to safety, right? Because he's willing to distract Vader while Leia gets away, right? So he must have some plan or a strategy (however reckless or useless it is) to draw Vader's attention away from Leia, right? So WTF was he doing running away like a chicken? #NOT_MY_OBIWAN!!!!!

- Beru doesn't wanna out other people's life in danger when she learns that Reva is after Luke. So she says she and Owen are enough to defend the house. But dear, oh dear, they decide to keep Luke in the house knowing that he was in danger??? They could've arranged for something, to keep Luke safe. But nope! Ha ha! That's exactly what they don't do.... 😒

Some of the things I THINK (subjective) should've have been included in the series-

Exploration of Obi-Wan's life in Tattooine (they do show it, but they don't go in depth)

Luke's childhood

Obi-Wan protecting Luke without Luke even realizing what is going on or who the man is (Badass Obi-Wan in hand-to-hand fights and using his wit rather than the force or his lightsaber to kick ass!)

More arguments between Owen and Obi-Wan about Luke

People trying to pry into Obi-Wan's secluded life and trying to include him in shit he doesn't wanna involve himself in (This could've been really funny, lol!)

Obi-Wan finding out about Vader but not actually facing him at all (We could've seen how this information actually completely breaks him. But at the same time, this increases his responsibility towards protecting Luke)

Some snippets from the Kenobi novel like how others feel and think about Obi-Wan

Flashbacks from the Clone Wars era where Obi-Wan and Anakin fight side by side, protecting and being there for each other. And Obi-Wan in that armor 🥵(No!!!!! Why wasn't this there!???)

The writers wanted to subvert our expectations, so they made the story to be about Leia and Obi-Wan, rather than about Obi-Wan, Luke and Tattooine. I'm not a fan of this, but i understand if many people liked it. Vader could've been shown to be terrifying and evil outside the plot. But the writers didn't bother showing anything else about him other than his obsession with Obi-Wan. They could've expanded on Vader and Reva's stories to go in depth about Reva's motivations and her hatred towards Obi-Wan and Vader.

It's not just the writing that's the problem here. The cinematography also sucks. Why are most of the places the characters go to so damn bland and lifeless (metaphorically)? The duels between Obi-Wan and Vader were made to be a dull affair because there was nothing environmentally to influence the fight scenes. Compare both the duels with the Mustafar one. That one was dynamic, bright, engaging and a spectacle tbh. While the fights in this show looked literally dull.

Coming to the fights itself.... Deborah Chow cannot film any to save her life. She's done well with the other scenes, but when it comes to action sequences, they were horrendously done. The shaky cams, their weird moment around the characters, the not-so-great fight choreography, the dull environment and the borderline OOC-ness of the characters fighting. (Be honest. Do you really think Obi-Wan would start throwing rocks at his former padawan with a smirk on his face? As if to show his power over him. Cuz Obi-Wan doesn't care about power. He cares about saving people!)

So yeah, I didn't like the show at all. Even if I consider it a standalone one, it would still be bad. Most of you might say I'm nitpicking, but we all have different boundaries and limits.

That doesn't mean I'm not open to different perspectives and that I'm shitting on your opinion. If you loved the show, you loved it and I respect that. So don't hesitate to comment your opinions on this post.

My NEW rating for the show- 5.5/10

[specterthief]

(in case it hasn't been asked) goro?

Sexuality Headcanon: GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY. with a lot of these characters i'm like "oh yeah i can see them as bi too sure" but in this case it's not like a fun headcanon vibes thing, it is interpretation of the text (in which akechi shows absolutely no interest in women in a game that never passes up a "haha guys ogling girls" bit) that is critical enough to how i interpret akechi as a character in the full context of persona 5 that anything else will immediately take me out of a fic no matter what

(to be clear i do not care at all what other people ship and hope that everybody with m/f goro ships/who headcanons him as bi is having a great time over there but i personally just cannot see it) Gender Headcanon: cis guy! i've also seen some good trans guy goro content but while i like the idea i can't see it in canon in his case A ship I have with said character: akeshu is THE ship, it's such an incredibly developed dynamic in royal and ends up being the emotional core of my absolute favorite part of the game and manages to both hit a lot of tropes i really love (enemies-to-lovers, "two sides of the same coin", among other things) while having a really interesting twist on one i usually don't like (predestination.) i can't really see goro with anyone else seriously and akeshu is genuinely one of my favorite ships of all time. i cannot fucking believe having another chance to be with goro being joker's greatest wish and something he'd consider going against all his teammates and everything he's stood for for is real A BROTP I have with said character: it's such a fleeting underdeveloped thing but i'm really fascinated by the dynamic goro seems to have with muhen. i'm really curious what his history with jazz jin is and how much muhen does or doesn't know about what's going on with him. also in the brotp (fucked up) way i posited in the maruki post, i've been really intrigued by goro and haru recently (though this is also a brotp (genuine) in synthesis, which is part of what's made me so intrigued by their canon dynamic and the potential there.) recognition of the self in the other (derogatory), you know

i also have a soft spot for the "futaba and goro are half siblings through shido" headcanon and like to think about the drama of how that might shake out A NOTP I have with said character: sumire. there's nothing wrong with it and i'm sure plenty of the shippers are perfectly nice but the worst hate i've ever gotten in this fandom has been over just quoting the interview where wada says goro doesn't care about her (on my own account, just in the context of the "love triangle" quote about akeshu, not targeting any shippers) so i went from just not liking it to having a really negative association with even seeing it in general and i block everything to do with it A random headcanon: had he been given the opportunity to form a contract and make full use of his wild card powers, his velvet room would be a train, endlessly hurtling onward with no destination General Opinion over said character: he's my #1 favorite character in persona 5 (and persona as a whole so far)! he's a particular type of tragic antagonist i really love and i came into the game with a lot of affection for him already because one of my best friends is also obsessed with him and i was not disappointed when i got to experience him for myself. royal was such a blessing for his character and i enjoy everything about him so so much, best boy

[purplekoop]

Oh yeah, there's a character I never did post here back when I was originally making the first few "Miri-verse" Splatoon OC designs back in... July, I think?

I had the idea for a "buff n' tuff" lionfish girl. So. I did that.

In retrospect I don't hate it as much as I did then, but there's a few things that still bother me. The pose is kinda dumb but that's not entirely a deal breaker for an initial design sketch. The real reason I didn't do much with her though is more the fact she just... doesn't look like a Splatoon character that much? Not like Mirianna and the others are super canon-compliant, especially in terms of proportions, but they're still similar enough in key features to Splatoon characters to where you can tell they're supposed to be based on that world. That's not really the case here, this is more just a normal buff lady who happens to have lionfish fins instead of hair and some funky eyes. Not like I don't think that's totally irrational for Splatoon, kind of a fun thing about its designs is that there's no hard limits for consistency, especially the more obscure things get in terms of canon reference (Just compare Gnarly Eddy to the nautilus girl from Ink Theory). Still, this just strayed a bit far for my own personal liking.

If you wanna see a lionfish Splatoon OC I do think is pretty cool and feels more like a Splatoon character, then check out Leona from @justanothersquidblog, part of their really cool idol duo Toxic Tunes! (sorry if the ping is annoying but I wanna give a cool shout out where I can)

I also just don't really have any... ideas for this character past the basic design? Is she a smug jerk? Is she nicer than she puts on at first? I don't really know, but nothing really sticks to me as much as with my other designs. I also don't think she'd jive with the main group (y'know, the polycule), so I don't know where she'd "fit" as a character. She also got conceptually replaced by Dredge in terms of beefiness and looking tough, so not much room for there either. I don't really have like, real story ideas or anything for any of these characters, but at least I feel there's room for some.

This year more than ever I've decided to be okay with just making character designs just for the sake of fun and not to be part of a grander project, especially when it lets me explore concepts I can't really use for those other projects (not much of a place for big huggable sea creature ladies in a game that's supposed to only feature robots, but I could prove myself wrong there). Still, feels a little bad, especially when there are characters from this same time period I'm going back to and giving them more attention. I wonder if I should just do like, adoptables or something... eh, when I get a bank account set up I'll consider it.

So yeah, bit of a ramble just for an old design I didn't end up doing much with or even showing here. Almost certainly being a little harsh on myself here but hey, everyone's their own worst critic. Still, figured it'd be neat to share anyways!

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Worst Films of 2019

It's been a while since I gave you something from the vault, so you can have something, as a little treat. Best of 2019 and Best & Worst of 2021 to be interspersed throughout the next few posts.

IMPORTANT: There will more than likely be spoilers, because I do not respect these films enough to calmly articulate my feelings for them. Also there is way more swearing in this post.

5. Glass

It is a second sequel that shat on the second wind Shyamalan had after Split. David Dunn suffered an undignified death in a puddle and Dr. Staple is a member of an evil organisation that suppresses the existence of superheroes. The latter comes out of fucking NOWHERE and does NOTHING for the film, let alone the trilogy as a whole. Also, the last act is lifeless and I haven't felt this patronised by a film since 2017's Ingrid Goes West.

4. Hellboy

The 2004 movie is in my all-time top 10. This 2019 disaster of a multi-genre whiplash didn't have a chance from the off. Everyone was wasted in this, actors AND the musicians who contributed to the soundtrack. It was lazy, it was unnecessary, and the post credits scene - namely, them finding Abe Sapien - was so optimistic about having a sequel, it was cute. I'm glad it bombed. Hard.

3. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Yep, the one I saw just yesterday. Whilst I wanted Kylo Ren to fucking die, the film also fucking made Reylo canon immediately before, which is the one thing I didn't want them to do. It's soulless, it relies too much on the original trilogy, it's too long for its own good, and oh my fuck is it a elevator plummet in general from TFA. And yeah, I know 'elevator' is American. In this case, it's more effective than 'lift'.

2. The Goldfinch

Proof that a film being based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel does not make it good. Every scene felt disconnected from the previous one, the plot likes to pop in for a cuppa every now and then, and it has more endings than a clitoris, none of which are anywhere near as pleasurable. Also, dear Hollywood: please stop giving Ansel Elgort work. Thanks.

Dishonourable mentions:

The Intruder: not as rage-inducing as the top five entries here, but still pretty crap. The character motivation is weak as hell and is never explained in a reasonable way.

Ma: Tries to be a hybrid of Carrie and Misery, fails at being both, can just wastes Octavia Spencer (and Diana Silvers, coincidentally in Booksmart).

Annabelle Comes Home: Straight up fucking boring. The best characters are only in it for about 9 seconds (proportionally speaking). Not much else I can say on that front.

And finally, the worst film I have seen this year...

1. Burning

Oh fuck me, where do I begin?This film is based on a short story, and at 2.5hrs is about 45mins-1hr too long for its origins. The protagonist is a gormless moron (GM), the love interest is a wet blanket (WB) and the third party is basically a Korean Gatsby (KG). WB disappears, and the film makes it out to be like KG didn't murder her (which he did, movie). The film treats us like we're stupid, some shots go on for far too long, there is no plot AT FUCKING ALL, and worst of all, I didn't care about the protagonists. GM wanks in WB's empty flat and then pretends to be sad when WB goes missing. GM also stabs the shit out of KG to death at the end of the film, and honestly, I wanted to jump into the film and stab the shit out of GM himself. [REDACTED] put this as their 2nd worst film of the year, and as much as I love them, 2nd place is far too generous. Foreign language films do not get a theatrical release in the UK very often, so this was an insult on multiple levels. I wanted to like this film, I did, and I want to know more about Korean cinema beyond I Saw The Devil, but this burned me in that respect and I do not understand the praise it got from critics. Fuck this film. Fuck it to the depths of hell and back. And fuck you, whoever decided to give this a theatrical release in the UK, for that decision. I hope that you will be forever tormented by mice living in your walls that eat your food and cannot be removed, no matter what. Fuck. You.

Thanks again for reading, and happy New Year, everyone! See you soon! Hopefully for a year that is better for films than this one! ❤

~Mikey

[deerydear]

I find it interesting how much different that something can sound, depending on how one thinks. "Lead with love", for example. I'm just talking all those hippie-dippie shithead things that someone says when they have nothing good to say themselves. Canned, preprocessed, prepackaged. I don't feel like one person, I feel like two people. Two as one. I mean... I feel like a gemini, or a pisces, or something. Two fish tied together at the mouth, swimming opposite directions. I think it's very important to remember that if you try to warn against certain types of behaviour, you may just plant the seed of that idea in someone's head. Be very, very careful of how you present yourself.

Even this, I could foresee causing problems... "Oh blah, blah, this person said to be careful... Well screw you! I'll throw my shit everywhere and mark up the walls. FREEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T LIMIT MY EXPRESSION!"

I did not mean it that way, but that's what some people might hear... and I know this, because I did a stint as that type of person... There's an interesting inertia that settles on you when you rebel with no true cause. ...and I've met people who say that that inertia is something to be fought against, rather than pondered or understood. FUCK GRAVITY! WHY THE FUCK AM I FALLING DOWN? It's depressing to watch someone claw at the sky for purchase. "Oh yeah, but I want to depress people." It's interesting whenever one sees their own worst qualities reflected back towards them, in someone else... or put simply, to meet someone as horrible as they are.

Case study. I had originally intended to keep the reasons for Naomi Misora's leave of absence (which was effectively a suspension from duty) out of these notes—had planned to remain vague about all the details. If I could, I absolutely would stick to that plan. I mean it. Like I said before, she was the single greatest victim of the fallout from Wammy's House, and intruding on her private.. .or at least personal issues is something I am very reluctant to do. Which is why I have casually avoided any specific mention of it so far. However, since I now find myself attempting to describe the look in Naomi Misora's eyes as she grasped the gun Ryuzaki had given her in both hands (it was a Strayer-Voigt Infinity model), I can no longer skirt the issue. I cant just fast forward to the next scene without explaining the reasons behind that look.

That said, it's not a terribly complicated story. Putting it as simply as possible, the team she worked with had spent months secretly investigating and infiltrating a drug cartel, and she had blown the whole operation—because at a critical juncture, she had been unable to pull the trigger. While she did not customarily carry a gun with her, it was different on duty—nor did she have any intention of making pathetic excuses about not being able to shoot another human being. Naomi Misora was a trained FBI agent. She did not imagine her hands were clean, or that she was above such things. But she had not been able to pull the trigger. Her gun had been aimed at a child of only thirteen years…which didn't in any way excuse it. Thirteen or not, he was a dangerous criminal. But Naomi Misora had let him get away, and the secret investigation that many of her fellow agents had poured countless hours and an unbelievable amount of work into ended with nothing to show for it. Everything was finished. They had arrested no one, and while no one had died, there had been some agents injured so severely they might never be able to return to active duty—horrific results, considering the efforts squandered. Despite her own weak position within the organization, the fact that she had only been forced to take a leave of absence was rather lenient. Naomi Misora honestly did not know why she had been unable to pull the trigger. Perhaps she did not possess the proper self-awareness… the proper resolve that an FBI agent should have. Her boyfriend, Raye Penber, had said, “I guess you couldn't live up to your nickname, Misora Massacre," somewhere between sarcasm and try¬ ing to cheer her up, but since she didn't understand it herself, she hadn't protested. But Naomi Misora remembered. The moment she'd pointed the gun at him… The eyes that child had turned toward her. Like he was staring at something he couldn't believe, like the grim reaper had just appeared before him. Like it was absurd—he could kill other people, but he had never imagined that he might be killed himself. But he should have known, he should have been ready to die the moment he first took a life. As any criminal would. As any FBI agent would. That threat hung over them all. She was part of the system. That child was part of the system too. Perhaps that had weakened their resolve. Perhaps that had numbed them to the threat. Perhaps their fears had rusted over. But so what? Given that child's upbringing, he not only had no chance to reform, he never had a prayer of living right to begin with. What had Misora expected from someone like that? How cruel was it of her to have expected anything? She knew as well as anyone that that child was living the only way he could. He had always been doomed. But did that mean he had to accept his fate? Was there only one way to live, one way to die? Was human life.. .was human death all controlled by some unseen hand?

two pages later:

“So, Naomi Misora…" L said, wrapping up. But Misora hastily stammered, “Um, er, L…" but then she hesitated, not sure if she should ask this or not. ""You... know the killer, right?" “Yes, as I said. He is B." “I don't mean like that… I mean, he's someone you know personally?" On the 16th, L had said he had known all along that the killer was B, and she had sort of known ever since, but two days before, L had said something that changed her guess to conviction. Whatever you do, please catch the killer. The century's greatest detective, L, would never say that about some ordinary indiscriminate serial killer. And the way his name was just one letter long… “Yes," the synthetic voice agreed. As if he didn't mind being asked at all. “But Naomi Misora, please keep that in the strictest confidence. The backup I have stationed near the condo, and the thief and con- man inside it have not been told what case they are working on. They are better off not knowing. Since you asked, I don't mind telling you, but generally speaking it was also something you were better off not knowing."

“I know. Either way, whoever B is, he is a dangerous criminal who has claimed the lives of three people for no good reason. But there is one thing I wanted to ask." “What?" “You know the killer, but you have nothing to do with him?" This was… …to Naomi Misora, this was about the same as asking if you could pull the trigger on a child. “I have nothing to do with him," L said. “To be completely accurate, I do not even know B. He is simply someone I am aware of. But none of this affects my judgment. Certainly, I was interested in this case, and began to investigate it because I knew who the killer was. But that did not alter the way I investigated it, or the manner in which my investigation proceeded. Naomi Misora, I cannot overlook evil. I cannot forgive it. It does not matter if I know the person who commits evil or not. I am only interested in justice." “Only…in justice…" Misora gasped. “Then…nothing else matters?" “I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." “You won't forgive any evil, no matter what the evil is?" "I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." “But…" Like a thirteen-year-old victim. “There are people who justice cannot save." Like a thirteen-year-old criminal. ‘And there are people who evil can save." “There are. But even so," L said, his tone not changing at all. As if gently admonishing Naomi Misora. “Justice has more power than anything else." “Power? By power.. .you mean strength?" “No. I mean kindness." He said it so easily. Misora almost dropped the phone. L The century's greatest detective, L. The detective of justice, L. Who solved every case, no matter how difficult… “…I misunderstood you, L." “Did you? Well, I'm glad we cleared that up." “I'll go back to work now." “Very well." She folded her phone and closed her eyes. Whew. She did not find herself spinning. She had just heard a word that sounded good to her. She'd been told something she needed to hear. Perhaps she'd just been manipulated. None of her problems had been solved. Her confusion remained. She still lacked resolve. She felt like something had changed, but by tomorrow it would undoubtedly be back to normal. But even so, for the moment, she was not going to make a fast decision, she was not going to turn in her resignation. When her leave of absence ended, she would go back to the FBI. In that moment, Naomi Misora made up her mind. And the killer from this case might make a nice souvenir.

[entomjinx]

No worries. Tumblr has its own quirks and moods. Nothing we can do about it.

Sometimes it really is just awkward.

But yeah, we talked on/off (timezones, heh, even though you were sometimes up early/late - always hard to tell xD). And, idk, I thought I had gathered some strength after the trauma and all that crap. Fun times. So I took the gamble. In a way, why am I still messaging like this? But at the same time, idk.

One Piece is one of those mangas I will complete one day. I'm still very behind even though my ship is there since the beginning. 😂 and it's just so engaging! But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to write fic for it. I guess I'm easily scared lol

Oh, I'm still stuck in gratsu. OTP and all that. I get the bunnies but writing sure has gotten super difficult. And then I catch another handful of bunnies before having finished one story and it's a lot of wips. Doesn't help that I'm feeling so bummed about my writing and that RL stuff has been bad. Gotta love a writing crisis. Which, btw, better not go your way. Just time and spoons for you.

Tumblr will always be just one step to the left of fully functioning, and that's how we like it here I suppose.

Sometimes messaging and replying though anon is easier. It a way to be slightly detached and not too invested, while still going out of your comfort zone to talk to the people you want to, especially after everything that happened in that server... At least, that's how it makes sense to me. Should you ever decide to just outright message me, I'd answer the second I saw it, but for now, if this is what you're comfy with, keep doing it!

Also sorry it keeps taking me so long to respond. College is very hectic at the moment. (also this got long oops)

One Piece is super engaging! the latest chapters are absolutely wild, especially the one this week. Holy shit. I have been more anxious writing for One Piece than I was for Fairy Tail, but the fandom is genuinly a much nicer and kinder space so far. I didn't fully realize how awful the FT fandom had treated me until I posted my first OP work... The difference is staggering. And most people I've spoken to have been much less insistant on only focusing on what's "canon." It's been wonderful so far.

That doesn't mean the FT fandom didn't leave such an impact on me that I'm not anxiously awaiting the switch up and rage to be sent my way, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a set of irrational thoughts.

I still adore Gray/Natsu and I plan to finish some of the WIPs I have for them, as well as Phenomenon eventually, but I think most of the things I make outside of that will be kept to myself and close friends.

I have! so many plot bunnies! I finally came up with the idea to make a discord server where each channel is a plotline, and once I'd reached the limit for how many channels I could have in a category (per fandom) I have to finish something before I can make another one. It keeps me in check while also letting me keep a decently high number of ideas so that I don't get stuck with writers block.

I'm sorry stuff has been hectic in real life, and I hope things start to look up soon. Your writing has always been wonderful in my opinion, but I fully understand being bummed about it too. I can never really look at my own writing without feeling like it's missing something. Every artist is their own worst critic after all, so remember that others don't see what you think is missing, they see only the wonderful things you have created and shared.

[problemswithbooks]

Villains fans have a weird hate boner for hawks like you can’t tell me everyone understand why dabi and shiggy can turn into villains but can’t understand why hawks feel such loyalty to the man who saves his life even though he conflicted with his own family and was strip from his childhood

Oh my god I was just thinking this after seeing the leaks and how badly villain fans are twisting themselves into pretzels to hate on Hakws for literally the same stuff they excuse Dabi for.

I mean, I can understand the hate boner people have for Enji--he's an abuser and people tend to remember first impressions more then later ones. People have abusive parents and it's really easy to relate him back to those RL experiences. Enji did legitimately terrible things. I'm still tired of seeing his character misinterpreted in an almost malicious way, but I get where that hate comes from.

But I just don't understand why Hawks gets similar vitriol, past that he killed their perfect baby Jin, and wasn't the character they personally wanted him to be. And you know what, fine, hate him if you want, but don't try to justify it with moral reasons--just say 'hey this character hurt my favs so he's trash to me'.

I mean with the leaks of 354 I have seen some terrible takes, but by far the worst is the reaction to Hawks berating himself for 'abandoning/giving up' on his parents. That was some horrible writing from Hori and I know if Touya or Shoto ever said anything similar people would lose their shit about how Hori is an abuse apologist. But because it's Hawks saying something negative about himself people are already jumping on it and being like "yeah, he ran away from his past and obviously didn't try as hard as the Todoroki kids".

This idea is particularly annoying to me because I remember when people criticized Touya for running away from his abusive dad, the villain fans were quick to point out that Dabi didn't owe his abuser anything, and that there's nothing morally wrong with it. so, I guess Touya running away so he can plan his little brother's murder for ten +years is fine, but Hawks running away/forgetting about his abusive parents and embracing the saving people aspect of his job is an asshole.

And the just plain bad faith criticism of Hawks telling Enji not to listen to AfO really seems purposeful. Hawks isn't telling Enji not to listen to AfO because he thinks Enji didn't abuse his family or is perfect now--he's telling Enji not to listen so he focuses on the fight and doesn't die and lose, which could lead AfO being the entire world's dictator. I mean, I am just floored by how many people have interpreted AfO being a cunning asshole with him telling Enji some deeper truths--news flash, AfO doesn't give a shit about Touya or abusers facing justice, he's just trying to get an opening on Enji so he can kill him. He's being a manipulative asshole and just because he's saying technically correct things doesn't mean he's suddenly any better then Enji.

It's just really stupid and I think it's personally offensive if Hori continues to imply Hawks is a worse person because he didn't seek out his abusive parents and try to help them. The only way he can salvage this to me is to instead make it clear it's less about Hawks helping his parents and more that he ran away from his own identity as an abuse victim, buried his emotions around it and it personally hurt him in the long run. More, I have to come to terms with having been abused instead of forgetting it ever happened, less I'm a bad person because I didn't try and reach out to my very abusive parents that never showed any real affection for me, sort of thing.

And if it counties to be that latter, people really shouldn't jump on it and defend it simply because it paints Hawks as wrong. If Touya can run away and it's fine, then Hawks should be awarded the same sentiment. If Touya's allowed to cope in ugly ways--like trying to murder Shoto to get back at his father, then Hawks should be able to cope in less then great ways, like abandoning his past identify and trying to reinvent himself as a Hero. It's just not fair to have one set of standards for one abuse victims (with is your fav) and a different set for another (which you hate/don't agree with the writing of).

[writeforfandoms]

For your birthday ficlets, could I request a character taking care of sick reader and tucking them in and talking to them until they fall asleep <3 You can of course include skin time if you want😉 I'm thinking maybe Ezra or Jack, but a wild card is also very acceptable!! Thanks in advance, I love you❤️

Oh Sam this one made me so soft. I just. Ugh. So, so soft. I love your brain. Thanks for sending this one in and making me yearn! I love you too bby 💖💖 

This is not connected to any of my other works and should be treated as a standalone. 

Warnings: Being sick. All the grossness that goes with that. 

Jack Daniels/Agent Whiskey x gn!reader

Word count: 680

You coughed pathetically from your spot on the couch, curled up under a blanket. You'd been there all day, only dragging yourself up to go to the bathroom or make yourself a drink. So far, tea was the easiest on your throat. You'd already had four cups. The TV was on, some nature documentary you could half pay attention to as you dozed. You were kind of sort of paying attention to the time - you knew when Jack would be home, but time was a weird evasive concept right now. 

You knew that you just had a cold. Yes, you had a fever. Yes, you had the runny nose and the cough and the sore throat. Yes, you were extremely tired and unable to settle down. Still just a cold. 

You still complained like you were dying, though. Even though no one was around to hear you. 

"This is the worst," you muttered, voice thick around your stuffed nose. You sneezed and then groaned, closing your eyes against the headache that pulsed behind your eyes. 

"Darlin'?"

You jumped at Jack's voice, startled into coughing. Almost instantly, a big warm hand was rubbing your back, and your cowboy was crooning apologies and encouragement in your ear. 

"Didn't mean to startle you, sweetheart," he murmured. One hand gently smoothed hair back from your face. 

"I didn't hear you come in," you said with a weak little grin. Which was honestly a little pathetic, but you were ignoring that for now. 

"You feelin' any better?" He moved around the couch to kneel in front of you, taking in your appearance with a critical eye. 

"Nope." You grabbed another tissue to hold to your nose, afraid you were about to drip. "'s fine. I'm okay. You should probably keep away from me, I don't want to get you sick too." 

Jack chuckled and completely ignored your warning, half-hearted as it was. "You just relax, honey. I'll bring you more tea." He leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, and you melted at the tender contact. When you sniffed, you were grateful you could blame it on the cold, and not your own whacky emotions. "Be right back." Jack stood, gathering up the used glasses on the coffee table in front of you, and walked away to the kitchen. 

You blinked. Closed your eyes for just a second. Or, you thought it was just a second. But when you opened them again Jack was sitting next to you, cup of tea held on his knee and his free hand smoothing your hair down. 

"Tired?" He asked with a sympathetic smile, handing the tea over when you made grabby hands at it. 

"Yeah." You took a careful sip, testing the temperature. Finding it perfectly warm but not hot, you took a deeper drink. 

"You wanna get comfy in bed?" He took the teacup again once you were done, gently pulling you into his side. 

"No." You pouted. "Too early." 

Jack chuckled. "Alright, sugar," he agreed. "You hungry?"

You wrinkled your nose and made a so-so motion. He nodded and gently pulled your head to rest against his shoulder. "Why don't you just relax," he murmured. Without giving you a chance to object, he started telling you about his day - the lady in Accounting who always flirted with him, Ginger calling him down to the labs to test out a new whip, Champ getting on him and Tequila for late mission reports. All the mundane things. But he kept his voice quiet, soothing. And he was so warm and comfortable, his voice rumbling under your ear. And you were so, so tired… 

It wasn't long before you drifted off, lulled to sleep by your gentle cowboy. You barely even woke when, sometime later, he hoisted you up and took you back to the bedroom, getting you comfortable in bed. 

You didn't actually feel him kiss your forehead. You didn't actually hear him whisper, "I love you, sugar. Sleep well." But you smiled all the same, warm and comfortable and cared for even in your sleep.

[dragynkeep]

Oh my god I hate when people try to two sides Weiss and Blake's conflict by bringing up the white fang killing Weiss's family members. I'm sorry, but Weiss's family is directly responsible for some of the worst things the Faunus have ever had to deal with, and I'm supposed to feel sad that the heads of a company known for abusing were killed by their own victims? Fuck that shit, in my opinion all slave owners should be killed by their victims!

yeah like. there’s absolutely no comparison here & not to discredit any childhood trauma weiss had but i absolutely think her being financially & emotionally abused by her father should weigh on her far more than some nameless borderline slave owners being murdered by the race they enslave.

this is what happens when you get a racism storyline written by white male centrists from texas. the result is something dripping in orientalism that draws a shitty ass fandom that woobifies the white racist queen & gives her every excuse under the sun for her bigotry while not critically looking at the fact that the oppressed most affected by that oppression are all written as unhinged psychos who blow up hospitals or w/e.

like, a drop of critical thinking. please.

[yoonpobs]

we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.