#Pleb Wines

[wine-porn]

Mind Your Manners

If you watched my stories, you know this is way colder than I usually drink such things… But still, it’s not hurting it a bit, and since it’s been 78 in my house the past couple days, feels quite refreshing. Solid milky pale yellow, a nose of mousse and crushed apple: papery and crisp. Great balance on the palate, no sharp edges to catch on the integration of acid and spritz. A sweet juiciness…

[vampirebbakshi]

I'm watching Equilibrium rn (not really it's just in the background whilst I drink my blo- I mean wine.) and Christian Bale is one fine mf

[sailtomarina]

Choose me

They started over a shared appreciation over a particular bottle of merlot Malfoy insisted was far too good to waste on “unappreciative plebs,” not that Hermione knew the difference. To her, all that mattered was that the wine went down without a bite and paired well with her charcuterie.

One glass became two, then a whole second bottle, and then Hermione realized she’d had far too much to drink in too short a span of time. The words spilled out of her before she could take them back.

“Gods, you are so pretty. And smart. Did I ever tell you how glad I am that you can actually argue with me?”

Not five minutes later, he pressed her into the booth with the full length of his body and she drank him in as ardently as she had the wine.

One hour and a couple of sober-up potions later, they yanked off their clothes in Malfoy’s ridiculous flat and didn’t leave for the rest of the weekend.

One month later, Theo dubbed her “Granger the Conquerer” for her relentless dominance of the games at their weekly get together. That was three times as fast as it had taken him to accept Blaise in the Snake Pit, and they were dating.

Three years later, a still alive and now wizened Crookshanks joined them in bed with a box in his mouth which he distastefully spit out onto Hermione’s lap while Draco struggled to hold back a laugh. He’d ply the familiar with his favorite treats later.

“…Draco.” She uttered his name in a disbelieving whisper and stared down at the sapphire velvet as if afraid it might transform into a serpent and bite her.

“Hermione.”

In the span of the five minutes it took for him to take up the ring and—smirk and dimples fully present—to ask her to “Choose me,” Hermione had turned into a blubbering mess of a witch with curls double their usual size and an alarmed cat at the end of the bed unsure whether to escape or maul the human who’d tricked him into taking part.

WC 350

Just another attempt at trying to write short pieces while still conveying the mood/setting I want. It's so, so hard to not fill in the gaps. I don't know how other writers do it!

Twitter prompt from DramionePrompts

[catominor]

my fictional romeguys introductory post to contextualise the posting!!!!!

this is my little guys from my novel project which is currently in its Infancy very much. the story is set... somewhere roundabout the 80s-70s bce probably. it's broadly about two guys who make a jointly beneficial political alliance (and also become friends in the process) their psychosexual joint consulship and its consequences

main guys:

lucius furius m. f. sp. n. camillus: 45 years old, semi down on his luck patrician. he spends most of his time when he isn't trying to enhance his dignitas in the political sphere being a weird shutin and not leaving the house if he can avoid it. was injured very badly when he was young during a brief military career, preventing him from doing war stuff again... for now. (he also had a hugely comical and deeply formative crush on his commanding officer during said military career). ambitious beyond both his physical and monetary means. has been in a sexless arranged failmarriage for like 25 or so years with his wife, caecilia, whom he was married to because his family desperately needed money (but he does love her in his own weird way i think). also loves gardening, stoic philosophy, being maybe slightly addicted to opium wine, books in general, and being inside and in his house reading his scrolls (despite being in politics, having to shake all those sticky plebs' hands makes him want to kill himself fr. the price he pays for his rightful place in society as he sees it...). he is a huuuge sullan also. to him sulla did nothing wrong ever in his life. most famous for being a bit eccentric and reclusive, but still quite respected by most of the senate for his modest lifestyle and his refined and learned tendencies.

gaius martinus: our biggest handsomest general... a couple years older than lucius furius, wealthy plebeian senator. he's a bit of a new man; his family has only been in the senate for a couple generations and never attained the consulship. he's a simple type of guy really; he's a squarely competent (though not really that astounding) military commander, not very book-smart, and has an impressive appetite for all of life's pleasures. most people who don't instinctively look down on him for these traits tend to like him tremendously; he's easy to talk to, friendly, generous, and cheerful. he has a wife, poppaea, who he loves very much, and 6 horribly behaved sons to whom he is a beautifully absent father. his favorite things to do are hang out at the baths or the gymnasium, throw big dinner parties or go out partying with his friends, and do his thang commanding his troops and chopping people up with his sword in The Wars. he doesn't have very strong political leanings, and mostly just wants to be paid attention to, adored, etc. most famous for accidentally unleashing a pack of tigers intended for his games into the streets of rome while he was plebeian aedile, and for throwing big knock your socks off parties (and not getting mad at the guests for taking a little of the food home)

heres a main guys image (coin of them i drew):

others:

caecilia: lucius furius' wife in their arranged failmarriage. for her this relationship is constituted of a mix of resentment and love; they get along very well mostly, and in another life they could have been good friends, maybe, but in this one they're married and he's wasted her life. she helped him tremendously with everything he's done in politics, both with her advice and with her money, and in return she's mostly just been taken for granted. she wanted kids. there never were any. she thought he might die from one of his many ailments (he is the worlds sickliest man) soon enough; he never did. who's to say you can't love someone while also wondering if you could get away with killing them every now and then? she mostly passes her time by weaving, and writing vulgar epigrams which she publishes under a pseudonym for funsies...

poppaea: gaius martinus' wife. there isn't too much to say about her; she really is gaius' other half. like him, she's cheerful, easygoing, and enjoys the finer things in life. she loves gaius dearly, despite the fact that he's far from faithful; poppaea isn't the jealous type, or else, knows she can't really afford to be. she is also a wonderfully absent mother to their children, mostly preferring to leave the child raising to the nannies and take pleasant strolls around the gardens and go shopping in the big markets with her friends. she has a close relationship with her father, and often visits him.

quintus poppaeus: gaius martinus' father in law. a thoroughly slay old man. businessman who was never involved in politics (made his money from the mines), loads of money and mostly spends it on building hanging baths in his baiae villa, installing the latest garden fountains to flex on the neighbors, ridiculously swagfully effeminate outfits, and so. so many beautiful pet fish. his only child is his daughter, poppaea, and he adores her. he also has a very friendly relationship with gaius.

furia: lucius furius' younger sister and only living sibling. she's a bit like him if he were more mentally stable and normal. she's in a barely tolerable marriage with another aristocrat. her and lucius furius don't speak very often; she resents him a bit for having power over her i think (their father died when they were young) and he probably made her marry whatever crappy guy shes married to now (have i mentioned this is a work in progress)

theres other of my own characters but these are like. the ones who will Matter the most and that i will post about tbh

none of the stuff mentioned in here are things which would like. spoil any Plot so i wont say any more... im not too precious about spoiling things cause its such early days (plus i think if i write well enough it will be interesting to read even if you know what happens hopefully?) but i just dont want to make the post any fucking longer lol...

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Cherry Magic S1

For anyone who doesn't know the premise of this series, it is about developing touch telepathy from 30 years of virginity. Believe it or not, at least in live action, it is a much more sincere, kind and lovely show than that premise might lead you to believe

"It's not a very useful power, and it's hell while commuting on the train." Anime Adachi is a bit more sombre than I expected. Grumpy little man

Interesting that the anime actually immediately confirms bisexuality for Adachi in a way that the live action only implies

"This is my colleague, Kurosawa. He's handsome, good at his job, friendly to gloomy plebs like me." Ah, the original Colleague Adachi Thinks About Such A Normal Amount

"You better have a crap personality." HAHAHAHA Adachi, please

"He's so close. He's so cute. I love him so much." I do love the visual representation of Kurosawa's thoughts going a mile a minute

"I thought I gained magic powers, but what if I imagined all of it?" I've said this so many times before, but it is INCREDIBLE that Adachi was fully willing to believe that he had magical telepathy until he learned his coworker had a crush on him and he was like, 'Unrealistic. Blocked.'

I gotta say, the flirting is so far not as cute in the anime as in the live action. Timing, perhaps? Tone? Not sure

"Maybe, I'll have you thank me with your body next time." This is an INSANE way to ask your colleague to dinner, Kurosawa!!!!

I do appreciate the consistency in Kurosawa only having nice thoughts. Also the pajama fantasies continue to be funny

"His place is dripping with popular guy vibes." At least in this version, Adachi says this about Kurosawa's bachelor apartment with FOUR houseplants instead of one. That's growth!

[Thinking about Kurosawa with this shirt half-open] "Would this have been simpler if one of us were a woman?" As a fellow bisexual Adachi: No, probably not

"Kurosawa likes me, right? So why didn't he make a move?" [Blushes, thinking about Kurosawa leaning over him] "That makes it sound like I was hoping he'd try something." Oh, Adachi, you're in it now

The way they both can't sleep through the night because they're too nervous thinking about each other is very sweet

"Try to get along, boys," said the director, as he set them up on a little thank-you barbecue date

"This is actually kinda fun. Kurosawa seems to be having fun too. This is pretty fun." Adachi is having such a good time the barbecue date he had to say it in three different ways

Adachi feeling guilty about wanting to leave things as they are... kind, sweet man

"It's not like I can reciprocate Kurosawa's feelings," said Adachi, like he doesn't compliment Kurosawa in every other thought and mentally flashback to him with his shirt unbuttoned

"It sounds like he's being nice to you. Why not use it to your advantage?" "What? I can't do that." Tsuge has absolutely NONE of the moral reservations that Adachi has about imposing on Kurosawa's kindness

"This is why you're unpopular. Too earnest, too awkward, too dense," Anime Tsuge handsome, but a hater

Also Tsuge, babygirl, your only other friend is your cat. WHO ARE YOU CALLING UNPOPULAR

Also, I looove Udon the cat sleeping in the bookcase. Babyyyyy

"Instead of worrying about what you should do, maybe you should think about how you feel about him." That's actually really solid advice. Good job, Tsuge!

"I bet he'd be really nice if we dated." HAHAHA it didn't take Adachi long to start fantasizing himself!!

Fujisaki first spotted!! I can't wait for more of her as well

"At first, I wondered why I had to get such a stupid power. This is the first time I've been glad to have it." I LOOOOVE that the first time Adachi sees an advantage in having his powers is for him to rescue Kurosawa from work trouble. It is so sweet!

Lmaoooo the gendered alcohol is so funny. Why are men only allowed to drink beer and women only allowed to drink wine

Kurosawa giving a Adachi forehead kiss while mentally saying "Sorry," for them being roped into the King's Game dare also gets me in the heart every time

"I'm sorry, Adachi, for falling in love with you." KUROSAWAAAAA

Adachi clarifying that he doesn't mind that Kurosawa kissed him is perhaps the flirtiest thing he's done yet

"For the first time, I want to get to know him better," said Adachi, while Kurosawa swerved into him ready for Kiss #2

"What were you two doing?" "Nothing!" HAHAHAHA I take it back, the flirting is fun. Also this is just as, if not more suspicious, than standing 1cm apart:

"I think I might've gotten ahead of myself." Realistic Rooftop Romance Re-Evaluation

"I was glad to hear he didn't dislike me, but I rushed things. I don't want to bother him, so I'll act normal at the office." Kurosawa is sooooo attuned to Adachi's needs

Every time they show them from behind I keep being distracted by what an ass Kurosawa has. Baby got back!

Also also also. The Yaoi Hands proportions of it all hahahah. On one hand, Kurosawa is also very tall in the JDrama. On the other, Adachi wasn't this short or slight of frame in it

"I hope it ends soon," said Adachi, only a little bit talking about karaoke, and otherwise mostly thinking of the women flirting with Kurosawa:

"It's Rokkaku, the recent graduate!" I also love Rokkaku. He's Valentina, an ally. Also the IRE in Adachi's voice

"You're surprisingly considerate, Ando-san." "It's Adachi." HAHAHA I now understand why the ire

Wild that Rokkaku's main characteristic is being a playboy. I guess everybody needs a trope

"Frustrated the words that came to mind were 'what a handsome face.'" I LOVE the text interjections about what the characters are thinking. A new angle only the anime could provide. Also LOL Adachi

"It'd be hilarious if someone so handsome were tone-deaf. I really want to hear." Shockingly mischievous of Adachi hahaha

LMAO, EVERY VERSION OF KUROSAWA IS CURSED WITH BEING HANDSOME AND TALENTED AND LIKED BY EVERYONE:

"Why would someone so handsome sit next to me?" Because he loves you, stupid

"If someone like [Fujisaki] liked me... No, nothing that convenient would ever happen." I think it would be too much to ask to have TWO of your coworkers in love with you

It's interesting to see how the JDrama really tried to ground them in every day work tasks but instead the anime (and presumably the source material) has the Punks Bother Fujisaki all as part of a Karaoke Confrontation. They have such a busy post-work social life!

"D-do you think you could stop?" You tell 'em, Adachi!

"I had no idea I was so narrow-minded," thought Kurosawa, like jealousy wasn't a normal human emotion that we all feel sometimes

"Until now, I thought Kurosawa was perfect and always composed. But he actually isn't. He worries and gets anxious too... Just like me." Hot Coworkers: They're Just Like Us

Also Adachi working himself up into getting annoyed at Kurosawa for being perfect and then liking him more because he ISN'T perfect is really a 'Congratulations, you played yourself' moment

Awwwww I love them sneaking off to get ice cream, very cute

Ah, the sauna adventure that made it into the Thai adaptation but not the JDrama. Let the embarrassment commence!

In the anime tiddy debate, Cherry Magic says: Men DO have nipples

"I know Adachi isn't interested in my body, though." Give him a second, he'll get there, Kurosawa

"I like Adachi, and I've fantasized about him, but I've only ever dated women before." Honestly I have never really given Kurosawa's sexuality much thought, he just seemed like he was pretty settled in his feelings regardless

"[Adachi's stomach] probably feels really nice. No, it definitely does." "'Steam conducts excessively strong thoughts.'" CRAZY WORLD-BUILDING. Tell me more

Kurosawa's tragic backstory being that he's too handsome is still the funniest explanation for inner turmoil I've ever seen. Sweet angel, I want to study you:

"Adachi. He doesn't know how how to brush off people like that because he lacks tact." Kurosawa said: I like them tactless and tense!

Kurosawa falling in love with Adachi because he sees him as an individual with flaws is sooooooooooooooo. They are the blueprint for Park Bench Romance:

"I never thought I'd experience what feels like a first love at my age." <3 We love finding yourself in your 30s

Also I have also said this many times but: I love love love that Kurosawa's feelings far predate the powers. The powers give Adachi some confidence to reach out to Kurosawa, but they are NOT what brought on the feelings

"If I said it felt like magic, would Adachi laugh at me?" Only out of extreme nervousness that you can also read minds

So engrossed was I in the love story of Adachi and Kurosawa, I didn't even think about the fact there's really been no Tsuge B-plot in these first three episodes.

Udon the Cat may in fact be my favourite side character. I hope Tsuge gets to read HER mind

"I thought he was a just a shut-in, but he's a good guy after all." Hey now, Party Boy Minato, you can be a shut-in AND a good person

Tsuge feels SOOOO normal through the lens of anime LOL. This show can never match the energy of "what emotion does this image make you feel" "lust"

"Would you like to like to come again some time? Udon seems to miss you." OKAY TSUGE, SMOOTH

THAT'S MORE LIKE IT. This is the slightly off-putting vibe I expect from Tsuge:

"In fact, [Kurosawa] completely overshadowed me." "And yet you seemed to have enjoyed it." Hee hee, I love how Kurosawa brings out a more sociable side to Adachi

"Damn it. I always end up thinking about Kurosawa's face." Adachi starts to admit that Kurosawa perhaps is a colleague thinks about more than a normal amount

"Of course he's got an ex or two. I should've known. [Gasp] Why am I so shocked by that? I don't understand." Adachi experiences romantic jealousy for the first time

HAHAHA not Adachi reliving all his romantic traumas after seeing Kurosawa talk to one pretty girl. Connect the dots, my love

LOOOOL it's funny how in the JDrama they had Adachi get sick at work and THEN Kurosawa takes him home (reasonable), as opposed to the anime where he just shows up out of nowhere on Adachi's sick day (much less reasonable, how do u know where he even lives).

"It means they'll be your first, right? I think that would make [who you end up dating] really happy." [Silently] If it were me, I'd be really happy. KUROSAWAAAAAA, I love how what Adachi sees as a flaw, Kurosawa sees as something to love

"It makes me feel like I wouldn't mind experiencing all my first with him." Adachi recognizing his feelings <3333333

I thought Adachi might actually kiss him until the interruption

HAHAHAHAH NOT KUROSAWA'S SISTER FOISTING HIM UPON ADACHI AS AN INVOLUNTARY ROOMMATE:

SCREAM KUROSAWA HAVING TWO INNER KUROSAWAS FIGHTING BETWEEN REASON AND DESIRE? I guess that's more realistic than him never thinking lustful thoughts

"No wait, Adachi's getting over a cold. I shouldn't be getting happy over this. But we're so close." [Quiet laugh] I'm amazed none of that ever shows on his face. Adachi is SOOO endeared by Kurosawa's thoughts

Adachi blushing through their train chat is adorable as hell

HAHAHA I also never tire of Adachi inviting Rokkaku to ALSO stay with him to avoid the romantic consequences of his situationship

[Internally, in a sea of mental flames] "You're not ready to try to win over Adachi with food." The energy of this was SO threatening I genuinely had to look up if Kurosawa was ALSO the VA for Sukuna from JJK. He isn't!

"He's such an idiot. He can't eat spicy food, but he will for my sake." The prophecy of the spicy true love chocolate returns <3

"It won't kill him." HAHAHAHA not Kurosawa making the spicy food challenge lustful in his mind and Adachi abandoning his plan to help as punishment for his spicy thoughts

[Rokkaku, internally] "I still dream about it sometimes. Aw, man. I'm still not over it. That's so lame." [Adachi, aloud] "Why not?" "What?" "You got good enough to compete in a tournament, right? Why not dance sometimes?" I absolutely love when Adachi uses what he learns to comfort people. That is what makes him so loveable. Not that he can know what others are thinking, but the desire and ability to help them with that knowledge

"I thought he was just some shallow playboy, but he seems kinda cute to me now." Bold move to call your coworker cute in front of your situationship

"What were you going to say last night before my sister showed up?" Kurosawa said: I will hold my silence on our romantic tension no longer!!

NOT Rokakku and Kurosawa experiencing the "there was only one futon" trope LMAO I love a romantic trope turned comedic

OH NOOOOOO not Fujisaki fetishizing for her coworkers. I miss when she was their ace homie being a confidante for their office romance

"Maybe it's not that I fell in love with Kurosawa, but I'm just happy that somebody likes me." This is a valid question for Adachi to ask himself

"I love you. Not as a colleague or friend." Kurosawa said: While we're defining our feelings, I have some to share

Extremely fair of Adachi to need to ask himself if his romantic interest in Kurosawa is about Kurosawa's feelings or his own

"I don't know much about her personality, but she's earnest." Maybe it's good for you to know less about Fujisaki, Adachi

Adachi only hearing the first half of every thought Fujisaki has is killing me. If you're GOING to eavesdrop, eavesdrop fully!!

"Does she really have feelings for me?" No, she doesn't, she just wants Kurosawa to rail you

"Dating him would probably be a pain." While true, not dating him won't unbisexualize you, Adachi

Awwww, I kind of like that Adachi doesn't know Fujisaki doesn't like him, because it means even when presented with other romantic options, he chooses Kurosawa

[Internally] "It would probably be easier to remain coworkers. But, I... No one's been able to touch Kurosawa's heart before... and I want to know more. Kurosawa said he'd treasure all of me, and now I want to treasure him too." ADACHI GOT THERE EVENTUALLY

"Me too. I'm in love with you too." YEAHHHHHHHH ADACHI!

"But perhaps I became a wizard in order to touch Kurosawa's heart." I will never tire of this line. He touched Kurosawa's heart much before this, but to be grateful to a power you once spurned because it opened the door to you deepening your relationship. To believe the universe has brought you together. It's such a nice way to reflect on falling in love:

HAHAHAHAH them both having the realization about the PDA at the same time

I LOVE THE REASON VS. INSTINCT ARGUMENTS IN KUROSAWA'S BRAIN, AND HOW REASON EVENTUALLY GIVES UP. ALSO LMAOOOO @ ADACHI APPEALING TO REASON KUROSAWA IN HIS MIND AS IF HE IS NOT EQUALLY CAPABLE OF ENDING THE HUG:

Hahahahaha Adachi shoving Kurosawa away at the speed of light so they don't get caught canoodling by Colleague Asahina

"People who engage in office romances are crazy," said Adachi, tits deep in office romance

"Damn it, stop thinking about him." Adachi's brain has left the building and now lives in Kurosawa Town

Adachi feels guilty about feelings Fujisaki doesn't even have

"For some reason, these two have been spending a lot of time together recently." Oh, I cannot wait for Detective Rokkaku to try and piece this one together

"Kurosawa-san and Adachi-san are... working together to use a carrot-and-stick method to help me improve! They must really love me!" HAHAHAHA gets me every time. Rokkaku at their wedding: I can't believe you're going to mentor me together for the rest of your lives <3

Also the fact that Rokkaku's inner monologue has Adachi's name correct implies that he messes it up on purpose. Incredible!

HGKJHGKJHGKJHG Tsuge just adoring deliveries to see his deliveryman every day without once questioning himself on what motivates him to do so

You know, I'm so used to calling him Flashy Minato (or in the case of the anime, Party Boy Minato), I did not remember that Tsuge doesn't know what the fuck Minato's name is:

LOL, Tsuge considering buying a How-To Book for romance. Valid! He needs the help

"Worrying you're wasting your time, anxiety about the future, doubting your own abilities, and fear of being an outcast are all feelings I know well. However, you don't rue want to give up yet, do you?" "How do you know that?" "You wouldn't practice until your shoes were falling apart if you actually want to stop." Wow, Tsuge can be emotionally AND physically observant! Good for him

"I knew I'd lost my mind when I realized I wanted to buy him all the shoes he wanted." That's love, Tsuge

Adachi and Tsuge having meltdowns at the same time in different places is true friendship

"His voice is scary hot. His face is distractingly handsome, but not being able to see it makes me nervous, too." I love Adachi's Loverboy era

HAHAHAHA did they Eren Jaegerize Adachi's date outfit for just a second? I feel like they did. They were like 'we're releasing at the same time, gotta get our jokes in while we can'

Adachi worrying that Kurosawa is out of his league and Kurosawa immediately unintentionally comforting him by thinking of how cute he is and how he loves that their hoodies match. GOD

KUROSAWA MAKING A SONG ABOUT THEIR DATE IS SO MUCH FUNNIER THAN HIM MAKING A POEM. GREATEST 10 SECONDS OF ANIME I'VE EVER SEEN THAT WAS SO UNEXPECTED:

"The lyrics are insane, but he sings them so well." This is the man you have chosen to love, Adachi <3

Adachi doesn't need to mind read, Kurosawa wears his heart on his sleeve and his thoughts on his face

"When a man gives someone clothes, it's because he wants to undress them." Bold take, shopkeeper, tell me more!

THEM CONTINUING THE KUROSAWA SONG AS THE DATE SOUNDTRACK HAHAHAH

Adachi shocked that on his and Kurosawa's date people can perceive that they are on a date

"A walk, like I said. In the sky, that is." Insane way to ask someone to join you on helicopter ride, Kurosawa????

"I wanted to talk privately." [Internally] "That's not the problem, here! What is this, a trendy Showa-era drama? This isn't something 30-year-old men should be doing! To be honest, helicopters scare me, and I can't hear what he's saying because it's so dang loud!" REAL LMAO. Except for the 30-year-old men thing, what's the problem with an adult man taking a helicopter ride?

"I really like your smile." The helicopter pilot also on the same radio channel hearing what Kurosawa is saying into his headset 👁👄👁

Hahahahaha I see how they translated this into an amusement park ride in the JDrama. Much more grounded, same result of Adachi not being able to stomach the date activity

"Next time, I need to tell Kurosawa how I feel." Maybe I don't watch enough romance anime, but I feel like Adachi is the only anime protagonist I've ever seen to realize the solution to dealing with your relationship problems is communicating your feelings

NOT KUROSAWA SO UPSET HE MESSED UP THE DATE THAT HE'S DISINTEGRATING TO ASH AT WORK

I looooove Adachi taking Kurosawa to read anime they both like and to a dinner spot where he's comfortable so they can relax with each other. He is so good at acting on his feelings

"There's no point in going on a date unless you have fun, too." [Soft gasp] It's kind of heartbreaking that Adachi has to TELL Kurosawa explicitly that his feelings matter. Baby boy, how have you been living?

"It doesn't matter others think or if I know what I'm doing or not. I just want to have fun with you." ADACHIIIIII

I truly do love the visual representations of Kurosawa's thoughts:

[Kurosawa, internally] "'The moon is beautiful tonight.' I wonder if Adachi's familiar with the romantic meaning of that statement." [Adachi, aloud] "I know that one." The Psychic Boyfriend Ball begins to drop

"I'll be 262 days older than him. For some reason, that excites me." "What, why?" Hahahah Adachi's aware that his boyfriend is a little weird

"There's no way he can dance. He's not that kind of guy." I hope this leads into a High School Musical-esque I Don't Dance Number

It DID lead to a (brief) dance interlude, and now Tsuge has twisted his ankle HA

I do actually like the Minato/Tsuge better in the anime. Maybe it's that their age difference feels less apparent (or rather, Tsuge specifically looked older than 30 to me in the JDrama) or something about the smiles and nice animation:

"I don't know much about dancing, but I thought your dancing was beautiful." Awww that's sweet, Tsuge

"When he takes off his glasses, he's actually kind of hot." HAHAHA, what is this, a 90s teen movie Minato?

I'm really curious what the hell Adachi and Kurosawa's company actually does. They were a stationery company in the JDrama, but now they are doing customer panels for exercise equipment? Are they broadly like a consulting/consumer data collection firm?

"I guess normies have normie friends." I haven't really talked about this but every so often Adachi thinks something vaguely spiteful about 'normies.' Is this just because he likes manga/is an otaku? Seems a bit of an extreme divide? I have friends who like anime and friend who do not

Also. Kurosawa likes manga ALSO. What is your normie definition, Adachi? Handsome guys? People with relationship experience?

[Internally] "'He's our top salesman and my boyfriend. 'I could never say that. Being in an office romance is tough

Distracted by the fact Adachi AND Kurosawa's ties change colour for their close-up. Animation error or colourblindness error?

"So that's the odd man who's in love with Adachi." That's right. I hope that one day this is his contact name in Tsuge's phone

"I can't help it. Love has made a fool out of me, too." "Love?! Wait, were we just having a conversation?" (Subtitle: Wizards can communicate telepathically.) HAHAHAHA what a way for Adachi to find out

"Be more confident in yourself. You're nice and actually pretty good-looking." Pot-kettle, Adachi!

"I've never seen Adachi smile like that when he's with me." He is distracted by your hotness and many thoughts, Kurosawa, both of which make him nervous and embarrassed but also very happy

I do absolutely understand why Kurosawa would be worried about their relationship given both Tsuge and Adachi staring at each other (talking telepathically) and the overheard mention of love

"I've been reading your thoughts the whole time. Since before you told me how you felt, like how you think I'm cute, how you love me, how my stomach looks like a shiratama, or how you bought pajamas that would look good on me." HAHAH Adachi, while it's good you're being honest, I don't know if you should be THIS specific

Also I can't believe they're having this whole conversation in an office supply closet!

"You reallize how I felt because of that, right? Then, I'm glad." Kurosawa takes the Psychic Boyfriend news better than anyone could expect

"Does that mean the more you touch me, the more you know how I feel?" Kurosawa said: I have already figured out the positive for this situation!! He's not top salesman for nothing

I cannot believe we are macking in the office supply closet. New Office Romance Achievement Unlocked

Good for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JDrama Kurodachi Elevator Kiss Found Dead on Scene; No Witnesses

[Mentally, to Adachi] "I'll show you all your good qualities." Kurosawa has immediately found multiple benefits to having a telepathic boyfriend

I do like that Tsuge's mind-reading is now starting to come up in a different way as well with him finding out why Rokkaku and Minato are avoiding each other. I hope like Adachi, he gets the chance to help them through it

"Where have you been? I already started cleaning up!" Macking in the office supply closet

"Maybe they're just friends now, but he's more likely to get along with someone who isn't almost eight years older than him! I needn't help rivals." HAHAHAHA once again Tsuge proves his moral compass is a little more floppy than Adachi's

"We can still make friends as adults, but college friends you can speak frankly with are hard to come by. Both for you and him." Awww Tsuge, you couldn't help but help

"I feel safe around him, like he's my dad." BRUTAL review for Tsuge who was worried about being a 30-year-old with this 23-year-old Minato

"We'll be sending a few veteran employees to the new branch in Nagasaki." Awwww, not the Nagasaki Long Distance Relationship

HAHAHAHA Adachi getting jealous because Kurosawa as better at using Adachi's magic power situation than him

"I can't imagine leaving Kurosawa." It's tough having to choose between your career growth and your boyfriend!

Maybe I'm just Canadian and used to being in a huge country, but I think he and Kurosawa should just fly to see each other. Like yes maybe it's 10 hours by train but it's a two hour flight and some of the flights cost less than Adachi's jacket purchase on their date!

"I get anxious when I can't see his face, because he's good at pretending to be perfect." AWWWW that's so sweet, wanting his powers because he wants to understand Kurosawa

Honestly although it's ultimately Adachi's decision whether he denies the transfer or not, I appreciate that Kurosawa wants Adachi to 1) not miss out on this opportunity for him and 2) be willing to discuss it with him instead of handling what involves a relationship decision all by himself

"Unlike you, I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me." Extremely valid, Kurosawa, this must feel very one-sided

ALSO: I LOVE THAT EVERY VERSION OF CHERRY MAGIC IS ABOUT LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE

"Without an audience, writing is meaningless nonsense." Disagree Tsuge, you can write for the joy of writing

I do enjoy Tsuge and Minato's chat about their respective passions

"He can't read your mind, unlike us." "You're right." Adachi had to hear it twice for it to stick

"Even if I can read Kurosawa's mind, I'll never get anywhere unless I tell him how I truly feel." YEAHHHHH ADACHI

"I figured this was God telling me to give up." Wow, Minato, bleak

Minato and Tsuge's story is sooo much more well-developed in the anime, going to the focus group together, repairing Minato's relationship with Rokkaku, Tsuge helping him get to his audition, no ex-boyfriend, the push-and-pull of Minato's dance dream vs. the office job opportunity

"Why are you so nice to me?" He looooooves you

"Because... I have ulterior motives." HAHAHA wild way to start telling someone you love them

HAHAHAHA is Minato MIA because he's trapped into an idol no-dating contract?

"Even if we're dating, I have no right to dictate Adachi's choices." That's a healthy perspective, Kurosawa. You get an opinion, not a vote

A letter is a nice way to communicate. Good advice Tsuge!

"But there's one thing I hope you believe. I love you so much that being away from you makes me anxious." Adachi, you romantic bastard

Awwww Tsuge unable to write about Minato because he cares about him too much (it's such a "If I loved you less, I'd be able to talk about it more," moment AHH)

"I wasn't sure how I felt about it, so I couldn't text you." Actually an incredibly reasonable reaction from Minato

"I resolved my feelings by writing books about the people I fell for." I think this makes a lot of sense for Tsuge. Also. NEW TSUGE LORE UNLOCKED!

Also also. Tsuge: Actually all of my protagonists are self-insert OCs

"No story compares to the real you. Minato. I'm in love with you." TSUGE, you're good at this!! 10/10 confession

"Oh, come on, can't you figure it out?! You're a romance novelist?!" HAHAHA they left out the 'baka' in the translation. Also I love Minato just like, implying repeatedly that he loves Tsuge rather than saying it aloud

I can't imagine what it was like for someone who read the manga and whose favourite couple was Minatsuge having to watch the JDrama first, because the energy here is LEAGUES different. My god, this is romantic. Giggling and kicking my feet:

"Your eyelashes are really long, Kurosawa. I thought you were handsome since I started working here, but I'm amazed that I find you even more handsome now. It's cool that you don't let on how much reasearch you do, or how hard you work for your job. I've never heard you speak poorly of anyone either. Also, even though you're normally calm, your thoughts are so excited. I thought you were a perfect person, but surprisingly your expressions show on your face, and you have a narrow-minded and jealous streak. And sometimes when you're trying hard to act cool, you end up looking lame instead. I think it's cute." Adachi sharing every single thing he likes about Kurosawa, even things Kurosawa doesn't like about himself. THIS IS SO SWEET

Adachi kissing Kurosawa because he can't express how he feels in words alone <3

[ProZD voice] Oh, they fuckin'

"We finally did it! I could hear his thoughts the whole time." OH MY GODDDDDD I've had this thought before, I can't believe Adachi is confirming it

"I thought I became a wizard because I was still a virgin when I turned 30, but... was I wrong? Is my definition of virginity wrong?" HAHAHA not Kurosawa making coffee in the background while Adachi has a crisis over the logistics of Virginity Magic

"It wasn't your magic power that first touched my heart. It was your words." YEAH IT WAS <333333333333

"But now, if I ever get anxious, I'll use my words. I know we can touch and be touched to confirm how the other feels. That's it. I finally figured it out. It's because I felt like I'd be okay with you even without my power. That must be why I lost my power!" The way that Adachi orients the rules of the universe around his feelings for Kurosawa is the most romantic thing in the world

"When I'm around you, I'm incapable of being perfect. But for some reason, I don't hate that version of myself." Kurosawa learning to love his imperfections through Adachi!!!

"I think I'd go crazy if I fell anymore in love with you." [Seriously] We can't have you acting any crazier." HAHAHA ADACHI. Honestly fair, Kurosawa's got a lot going on mentally

I do love Adachi going for the transfer <3 He really has such a growth in his interests and capacity at work

HAHAHAHA Tsuge accidentally finding out Adachi lost his Virginity Magic by accident, because he hasn't yet (clearly this version of Minato isn't so fuck forward LMAO)

I really do love Kurosawa and Adachi navigating their long-distance and trying to trust that if there's something to know, the other one will tell them

"There are things that can't be conveyed with words. But some things have to be conveyed with words." <3 COMMUNICATION

"Why are you here? I was on my way Nagasaki." HAHAH I predicted this for the movie (that they'd both try to visit each other at the same time), they didn't lean into the trope though. But I was right, after a fashion!

"When I finish the job in Nagasaki and return to Tokyo, I want to live with you!" Adachi moving the forward as a couple by clearly sharing his desires. That's growth, baybeeeee

WHAT DID I SAY? MASTERS OF PARK BENCH ROMANCE:

I LOOOOOVE HOW AT THE END OF ALL OF CHERRY MAGIC MEDIA THEY GO 'YEAH, THEY GET MARRIED. LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE. MARRIAGE 4 ALL JAPAN!!' I wish I could kiss all of the people who made Cherry Magic on the mouth. It is such a gorgeous, kind show that deserves every good thing that has ever been said about it. Both the JDrama and anime have carved their own places in my heart:

[boneandfur]

Choices Flash Fic! DarkFic; Tobias x F!MC

Angels in Hell

@choicesflashfics #36. Uses prompt #2, "You’re allowed to fall apart a little."

A/N: I started writing this before I thought to grab a prompt, and it went to dark places. It was supplied to be a Harper x Ethan, but F!MC started talking... That's it. This fic is dark and I'm not sure why it came out, since it seems like the first chapter rather than a one shot. // Words: 1150 // Pairing: light f!mc x Tobias, acor MC x Antony (implied) // implied age gap relationship.

I always knew I'd end up working for the Outfit, from the time Uncle Tony caught me with a plastic stethoscope in my hands, to the day that Uncle Sam signed my soul over to the combat medical corps.

We need good people... like you, Chiara. You're the brains and Sy is the brawn. There will always be a place for the both of youse in the Outfit.

Is that because of Mama? I asked as I stood in front of Uncle Tony's desk and watched him swallow his grief along with his Campari, gold rings glittering. The shadow of two days beard was heavy on his jaw, and I yearned to reach out, to touch him, but instead crumpled the acceptance letter to Edenbrook in my pocket into a smaller and smaller ball, trying to keep my breathing steady as I watched him, the hero of my girlhood, the master of us all.

He set the glass down on his desk, the sound of it like the funeral bells that had gonged as the hearse pulled away from the cathedral steps in Little Italy, and I felt my throat tighten too. I swallowed my grief with my wine, clinking his glass in a toast. To her, then. I would always live in her shadow, until I could prove my worth.

Uncle Tony's eyes glistened wetly. Arin was a good woman. Bellissima... my tiger. You remind me of her, Princess. That blonde hair, and those eyes... Dio in paradiso, but she was a hurricane. And you are her very image...

Even though he'd married Octavia, I knew Mama had been the love of his life. Uncle Tony would have died for her, and nearly did. That was why I gave him my pledge of loyalty, right there in that room. A pledge for love, the kind that lasts beyond the grave.

And when I returned, I was no longer Chiara Valentine, Arin Valentine's little princess, but Chiara Valentine, combat medic and fast tracked through medical school due to all the strings pulled by Uncle Tony. It wasn't that I couldn't have done it on my own recognizance, but time was a luxury we didn't have after Doc Claudius had gotten his brains blown out by the Family, out in Drakovia. And Sy was in the clink. Again. For stealing cars from some gang in LA, connected to the Yakuza.

The Campari on the desk turned into the Negroni at the bar, and I was staring up into the golden eyes of my boss's and biggest mistake's biggest rival, the one and only Dr Tobias Carrick.

"Valentine." His upper lip curled, and I itched to smack the smugness right off his face, but I'd probably break a nail. After all, I was the Brains. I'd never fought anyone closer than fifty paces in my life, and we'd been in a tank. "Am I really that ugly, little princess, or do you scowl like that at all the plebs?"

If it were up to me, men like him would be six feet under, but I'd promised to hold my peace on mob soil, and the last thing Uncle Tony needed was a war with the Irish. Not that he'd do it for my sake -- it had been Mama who held his heart, and always would. So when I opened my mouth, what came out next surprised me. "I lost ... I lost someone. Today... it's the anniversary of her death."

"Bartender!" Tobias waved down the hipster serving white claw spritzers to the masses. "Get us a bottle of -- what's your poison, princess?"

"Limoncello." I didn't have to hesitate when the bartender slid the bottle down, and poured us two, on the rocks.

He prepared to knock back the entire glass when I caught him on the sleeve, for a moment looking thrown off his game, like he'd never seen a woman before. "Whoa there, Princess."

"Do you know what they say, Dr Carrick? They say that only the dead have seen the end of war. That's Plato. And don't call me princess." That's Antony's name for me.

"You’re allowed to fall apart a little." He touched my cheek gently, and it was only then that I realized I was crying. "Was it... a patient?"

What could I tell him? Of Afghanistan, and the starless desert skies that seemed to reach into the abyss, or of that single moment when my life changed forever? Or of how my life now seemed laid out before me in a single straight line with only a few stops along the way, Chicago to Afghanistan, to Boston and soon, soon, sooner than anyone could ever know, back again.

A pledge for love, the kind that lasts beyond the grave.

"She's been dead a long time." I wiped my cheek angrily with my sleeve, streaks of mascara coming away on it. "My mother. She died, and no one ever figured out what it was that killed her. That's why I'm here, really." I had never admitted the truth out loud before, to anyone.

Antony had come to find me at the barracks. I'd been barely eighteen, and one year in the army already. We'd drunk Limoncello til midnight, Arin Valentine's favorite drink, and we'd held one another and wept. In the morning, he'd left me with blood still drying on the sheets and an ache in my heart that no amount of Limoncello would ever ease.

A pledge for loyalty, until I stepped out of her shadow and proved my worth.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Tobias rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw and held out a hand. "We can just walk, Chiara. You look like you need some air. I won't talk about old business tonight, and it's not a trick, I... I promise."

I took his hand, Dio in paradiso, heaven and hell. Eyes as gold as the sunless desert sands. "You can talk about it all you want, Tobias." I don't care if we win, after all, a snap of the fingers, a pouch filled with thirty pieces of silver, a handshake in a back room, that grant will end up lining the pockets of Edenbrook instead of Mass Kenmore, whether Tobias Carrick likes it or not.

I'll be going back to the Outfit, my mother's daughter, back to Antony. For I owe so much more to him than blood. Life and loyalty, and a love that never dies.

"Valentine?" Tobias waited by the door, jacket thrown over one shoulder, looking at me with a troubled question in his eyes. If I slid off the stool now, I'd have to make that choice. I'd have to face the truth about what drove me to this place, to Boston, to Edenbrook, and to stare at my own reflection in a glass of Limoncello as I counted the stars like the drops of blood in a vein, all the way down the bloody years.

Blood on my hands, blood on the sheets, washed clean by my tears.

Demoni in paradiso, angeli all'inferno.

Only the dead have seen the end of war.

[dirtybiowareconfessions]

Confession: I want to mercilessly court and pursue Josephine with all the Orlesian pastries and delicacies she shies away from except during celebratory occasions. Shower her with sweet Antivan wine. Chocolate her into submission onto a boat in an Orlesian canal, while slowly, quietly reciting love and sex poetry. And yeah, if she becomes fat after 10 years of marriage, she'll be all the more desirable. One can only dream. Funny thing is, I'd normally consider the Inquisitor a pleb compared to her, but apparently the lady idealises knights and freedom fighters.

[strawwritesfic]

TYL!Xanxus x Female!Varia!Reader: Cards

Summary: It’s always a good day when you get what you want and Squalo doesn’t.

Rating/Tags: M (Overt sexual references; foul language; set during canon; Xanxus & Squalo & Lussuria & Fran & Levi & Belphegor & Reader; past Belphegor & Mammon; referenced Belphegor & Rasiel; referenced Xanxus & Rasiel; poker; reference to strip poker; non-Guardian!Reader; heavy exposition; possessiveness) 

Challenge: “160 Collective Drabbles” challenge by BobaPop on Lunaescence Archives.

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Cards

There was a little something known as “Varia Quality” within the mafia–and sometimes without it, too. The greatest of assassins could only dream of being invited to join the group, even if just for consideration, and even if only as an underling. Give the Varia a murderous objective, and they worked together like a well-oiled machine…for about as long as it took to start murdering. Once that singular objective was taken care of, they appeared to devolve into a team of squalling infants. Never had you seen this so obviously as the night after the Millifiore battle.

A clear and cloudless night sky hung over the ruins of the mansion. Most of the damage had taken place during the course of Xanxus’s fight with the Varia's resident prince’s insane brother earlier that evening, but plenty more had been added by personal scuffles in the time since. Much of these scuffles remained ongoing. The boss had demanded your presence, and no sooner had you set foot in the living room claimed by the captains than did you find yourself in the midst of an active war zone.

To say you were surprised would be a lie. You might have been a practiced lair, but to do so just then would have been more of a hindrance than a help. Fran was being his usual idiot self; Bel had retaliated by turning him and the mantle into pincushions; Squalo was screaming at them to stop; and Lussuria was fussing over Xanxus, who looked fit to murder every single one of the others. The only member intelligent enough to shut the hell up was Levi, who did so out of no actual intelligence, but rather because he was still too much in awe from Xanxus’s earlier battle to speak.

So like any sane person, you suggested they play a game to pass the time until the message came in from Japan. Since you happened to have a pack of cards on you (it got boring, hanging out with the rest of the plebs), you figured that was that. You and Xanxus could have some quality time in one of the un-destroyed bedrooms while the children entertained themselves. 

No such luck. Apparently Squalo didn’t think you two ought to be busy when the orders from the Tenth finally arrived. Several wine bottles broken over Squalo’s head later, Xanxus joined the game himself. Meanwhile, you settled into the all-important task of lounging around in Xanxus’s lap, seeing as that was the closest you were going to get to his dick until Squalo got the one out of his own rear end. 

Now, this might have appeared at first glance to be nothing more than you capitalizing on the opportunity to spy on the Varia’s captains while scoring some much needed physical contact time with Xanxus–and it definitely was. But your doing so also provided some incentive for him to not throw the entire table across the room when he started getting pissy, not that your presence always stopped him from doing so. Still, you could at least pretend you were being useful.

“Oh, isn’t this just wonderful?” Lussuria said. “I can’t remember the last time we all had a family game night together like this!”

“That’s probably because you’re all sore losers,” you said.

Squalo glared at you from across the sword-scratched table. “Oi, bitch. What are you still doing here?”

You smiled your brightest, most annoying smile. “Xanxus told me to come. Isn’t that right, Xanxus?”

Xanxus grunted, then threw down a card. This was answer enough for Squalo to return, scowling, to poker. This was also answer enough to get Levi to shoot you a look of purest venom over his hand. 

Your grin grew larger still as you waved at him from your perch. You were long used to Levi’s sullen behavior toward you. After all, you had won Xanxus’ affections where he had not. Unfortunately, you bragging was short lived; you felt Xanxus shift impatiently underneath you, and you quickly returned to caressing his jaw. Maybe “affection” wasn't quite the right word.

“Bel, quit stalling. It’s your turn,” Lussuria said.

Xanxus growled.

If he really decided to throw the table, he wouldn’t hesitate to throw you along with it. What Xanxus felt for you wasn’t love, of that you were absolutely sure. You’d be kidding yourself if you said you loved him, too. He was temperamental, violent, and downright demanding. He was also pretty damn good in the sack, and handsome and powerful to boot. There was also the slimmest chance that he’d be Vongola XI someday, and then he’d need heirs–preferably legitimate ones. Sour looks from Levi and being dragged (sometimes literally) out of bed whenever Xanxus decided he needed a woman seemed a small price to pay for all that.

This card game affair was pretty tedious, though. You wondered if you could push Xanxus far enough that he’d ignore Squalo and take you somewhere more private. Surely Xanxus was rife with sexual frustration after dealing with Bel’s irritating brother all day. Typically Bel himself was enough to accomplish that much.

“Play, trash!” Xanxus barked.

Bel grinned and slapped his cards onto the table. “It’s no fun playing without Mammon. No stakes.”

“No being completely bankrupt after the first round either,” Levi said over his turn. “This is much safer.”

“Mah, I agree with Bel. If I’d know things would be this boring, I would’ve stayed home for this mission,” Fran said dully.

“You would not, because this is your goddamn job!” Squalo shouted.

“Wouldn’t’ve been able to sleep anyway. I could hear Captain Squalo’s yammering from that far away. I’d still have a headache.”

“Voi! What was that, brat? Want to say that again?”

“Boys, boys, stop fighting! What would your father think?” Lussuria crooned.

You could hardly suppress a smirk at Xanxus’s knuckles going pale around his cards. Just a little further…

“I have an idea,” you announced.

The room fell silent save for an owl hooting in one of the exposed branches far above your heads. Then:

“Your first idea sucks as it is,” Fran said. “I don’t think we need any more of [Name]’s suggestions.”

“For once, he’s right. Get the hell out of here, woman. Don’t you have work to do?” Squalo asked.

Xanxus’s grip on you turned to iron, a sure sign that if you so much as tried to listen to Squalo and leave, you would regret it. Luckily, you had no intention of leaving when things were finally getting a little interesting. Ignoring their rejection, you plowed right on:

“You said you wanted stakes, right? How about a game of strip poker?”

More silence.

“Strip…poker?” a red-faced Levi echoed at last.

“I don’t mind the idea,” said Lussuria.

“Voi! Why the hell are you still listening to her? Who wants to see you morons naked anyway?”

“If I lose enough, I could finally take off this stupid frog hat Bel makes me wear,” Fran mused.

“Not on your life, Froggy. Take it off, and I’ll kill you,” said Bel.

“Mah, so Bel will let me win just to keep an ugly hat on? Sounds like he’s pretty desperate to show off for Captain Lussuria.”

“You think so? Better play well. For you, a game of strip poker is life or death.” Bel’s usual Cheshire grin vanished only to return a mere split-second later wider than ever before. “Shishishi. The prince knows what [Name] is up to.”

You rolled your eyes. "Oh, you do, do you? Enlighten me.'

“Of course. Because he’s a genius, he knows [Name] only suggested strip poker because she’ll get to see all of us naked, but no way will the boss let us see her naked. Buuuut…” he slipped a knife out of seemingly nowhere, “I could still cut her clothes off and give the rest of us a show.”

Wrong answer-but it did the trick. The table exploded in a flurry of cards, chips, and sawdust. This time, though, you were not tossed in with the broken furniture. Instead, Xanxus threw you over his shoulder as he leveled one gun at Bel’s fat blond head.

“Handle the Vongola message yourself, scum,” Xanxus growled.

You flashed yet another smile, waving as Xanxus turned to carry you up the demolished stairs. The looks on Bel and Squalo’s faces boded ill for you–but they turned on each other before they could even think of trying to prevent you from leaving with the boss.

“You just got me more work, you goddamn idiot prince!”

They were brawling again, with Fran and Lussuria egging them on. But who cared? Certainly not you. The captains could argue among themselves as much as they wanted, so long as you got what you wanted. You always did, in the end...even on nights when there weren’t any outsiders left to murder.

[viranlly]

7 Hours in Etihad’s First Class Suite

Let me just say right off the bat, it's not long enough.

And also, by no mean this is a review — because honestly, this flight is spectacular and I’m really not gonna get into the nitty-gritty, technical stuff (you can totally google that at your leisure).

After a whirlwind of a 10-hour, martini-filled, water-deprived stopover in London (more on that later), it’s finally time to hop into the flight that I’ve been watching over-and-over-and-over again on YouTube: the Etihad first class suite, with service to Abu Dhabi, on a Boeing 787-9.

I knew this flight was gonna be great. It’s so great it totally ruins flying (any other way) for me. 

The second I stepped on the plane and the flight attendant got a glance of my seat number, *ahem* 1A, you could see almost a mini panic as she was trying to find the first class FA to take me to my personal suite. Yes, not a pod, not a seat — a suite. Bed, dining table for two and closet space included. 

Trying not to lose my mind next to the couple who’s clearly done this before, I calmly sat down to make sure everything was okay (as if anything would go wrong). Noise cancelling earphones, check. Entertainment centre. check. Mini bar, stocked. Acqua di Parma amenity kit and faux fur throw, check, check, check. I took a decent amount of content yet I forgot to take a photo of the actual suite without me in it — amateur. I guess I’ll have to remind myself, for next time.

"This smells, tastes, and feels rich" I said to myself as I sipped the 2006 Charles Heidsieck Brut (bless pre-departure champagne) that's served alongside Arabic coffee, dates, and cold towel. I was fully living the Sex and The City 2 Movie fantasy, with less marital issues and no sheikh paying for the trip. As they're boarding the rest of the plebs plane, my assigned flight attendant went through a laundry list of preferences for the rest of the flight: dinner service, wine pairing, water (still or sparkling), level of privacy, and more importantly what champagne would I like for right after take-off — The answer, was rosé, by the way. 

She then dropped off a bag of loungewear for me to change to if I prefer, which, I absolutely needed to, since I was wearing a very London-specific Thom Browne tartan suit to dress the part with not enough room to handle every menu items we're about to devour. 

I was utterly torn, between drinking as much 2002 vintage champagne until I’m unconscious in this suite or catching up on sleep as we had a 17 hour layover in Abu Dhabi awaited us. 

As I continued to ponder, the plane took off. Never in my life I witnessed a  take off this smooth, this quite— it’s almost like the engines just whisper “let’s go girls” oh so subtly. And not three minutes after, a glistening, freshly popped, frosty bottle of Champagne Duval-Leroy Rosé Prestige showed up at my door. And this, marked the beginning of the most incredible three-hour dining experience in the sky.

A change of clothes, fresh towel, and a switch to Duval-Leroy Femme de Champagne 2002 later, the caviar service begins — A proper caviar service. With blinis en accompagnement, and of course, the mother of pearl spoon that I almost smuggled into my amenity kit. 

“Would you like some more champagne”, she asked, fully knowing we finished half a bottle within the first 15 mins of dinner. I mean, what kind of monster would say no? By the time the lobster course arrived, we’re one bottle in, and flying has never felt better. We managed to go through most to the wine list (pictured below) and honestly, this list slaps. Hard. Hard enough to piss off some somm friends. 

The Jacques Prieur was stunning, oh-so-fragrant and crisp, with balanced salinity to finish. The Pascal Jolivet was delightfully expressive with lovely, lingering mouthfeel. By the time we wanted to taste the riesling, the palate cleanser arrived, followed by the main course shortly. Yes, there’s a palate cleanser course.

Cooking tenderloin to a perfect medium rare is as hard as it is for some restaurants with fully equipped kitchen. Somehow, Etihad nails it, 30,000ft in the air — now that’s impressive. Whatever magic compartment they have in their galley, it works. For the wine, I managed to tasted all the reds and well, big surprise (not really), the Cabernet plays so elegantly with this perfectly cooked piece of meat. 

The stretchy pyjama pants were barely holding it anymore but I still had to save some room for dessert — creme brûlée with a side of Haagen Dasz ice cream, which I washed down with another glass of the ’02 Femme de Champagne. 

*Knock knock* “Would you like me to make the bed for you?” - a sentence I don’t hear enough on the ground, let alone in the sky. Honestly, It’s even more special when it’s asked on an Acqua di Parma-scented cabin. As she’s getting my bed ready, we took a little stroll around the plane to see where the rest of the people lived, and you know, stretched… I returned to a fully made bed with a side of crippling anxiety, knowing that for the rest of our journey, there’s no first class cabin on the planes — scary, I know (Kidding, Etihad’s business cabins aren’t so bad). Nothing another glass of champagne couldn’t fix at this point. So I ordered bed-side champagne to calm me down. *closed doors*

I went to bed, half-drunk, fully stuffed and extremely exhausted. The 3-hr nap I had was clearly not enough to prepare me for what’s waiting for us on the other side. But frankly, that was a very comfortable nap. The flight attendant gently nudge me to notify that it’s time for breakfast. I woke up still drunk, still full, with 90-something minute left on this flight. I couldn’t possibly eat another bite. What was supposed to be an omelette and caviar breakfast, turned into a coffee and champagne kind.

Never thought hearing “thirty minutes to landing” could make someone feel so sad, but there I was, back in my suit, sipping the last of the ’02 Femme de Champagne, not ready to leave the flight.

Thank you Etihad for the most incredible 7 hours in the sky, Michelin-star-worthy (I said what I said) dinner experience, and if you’re reading this, I’m ready for another trip on the first class suite, and hopefully on the A380 next time. 

See you in Abu Dhabi!

[wine-porn]

Pleb-ette

Rosy and bright with a purple-edged wide clear rim. A nose most unusual: the dull thud of piquette second-helpings creating the obligatory almost-tertiary-ish expression of fruit. Vermouth pops to mind, the briar distilled down into weedy, savory instincts controlled by thin berry. Cardboard-y and un-alcoholic, an herbaceousness un-fettered with fruity norms, and instead, a vibrant, sea-air…

[stupidfateheadcanons]

Which servants do you think would play Mobile Games? (like Gacha, Idol games, Candy Crush, Fruit Ninja)

Gachas and Gacha-Adjacents

(don't spend money on gacha)

Tomoe Gozen

Despite being a #gamer, she wouldn't play most mobile games due to them, generally speaking, having pretty unskilled gameplay (unless some piece of canon I'm not remembering smites me down.) However, given all the hyper-intense Arknights blogging I've seen, Tomoe would be entranced by crunching numbers and solving her little military puzzles with her units. Also, she'd be into catgirls, and whatever the hell the Doctor has got going on with that scientist woman who hates them.

Blackbeard

tries all of them. even the bad ones. ...especially the bad ones.

has one of those AI Waifu apps.

Fusehime, Okita, Ushiwakamaru

Touken Ranbu players (the sword boy game). Ushiwakamaru nerds out about the history of the swords, Fusehime is a #collector, and Okita just likes the simple gameplay of mowing down people with her prettyboy units. Nobunaga also plays, trying to piss Okita off with her luck in forging boys, but Okita genuinely loves the low-rarity units so it's only half-way effective.

Shuten-Douji

Shuten plays a gacha game where all of the waifus are humanizations of alcohol. She's spent well over a thousand dollars trying to get Aged Red Wine, who's a milf that looks like Raikou. Don't question why.

Jalter

Plays one of the more lore-heavy gacha games. Whales for her favorites and writes intense meta posts. She's very insistent that this is just the natural course of things.

Gilles

Isn't huge into gachas generally, but he'll pick up whatever game has a Jeanne expy (or, because he considers Saber-faces to be 'Jeanne faces', Saber expies) to roll for the girl in question, max levels her, and then drops the game.

Valkyries

They play Obey Me and other Shall We Date games to debate over the best boys.

Kama

Gets invested in one hot girl in one game and her money is gone. The girl in question has glasses and a turtleneck like Medusa's casual form.

Gilgamesh

Plays gacha games with ranking and pvp elements like Epic Seven to lord his units over the plebs. Is also a pull streamer. A lot of his clips go viral, and the atmosphere of his streams are very fun.

Other Phone Games

Nobunaga

Downloads one of those 'We're under fucking attack!' games. Nero is the woman in the ad.

Helena

A daily wordle girlie. Shares her scores on Servantgram with Sherlock.

MHXX

Plays Angry Birds on her break.

Miss Crane and Phantom

Idol games. They're friends over it.

Nero and Elizabeth

They compete in rhythm games to get higher scores than each other.

Osakabahime

Plays mobile fortnite on her bed.

Chloe and Emiya also play, but Emiya gets dumpstered by the other two.

Iyo

Plays Stardew on her phone. Likes showing other Servants and her Master her farm layout and progress.

The Paladins

Collectively have an old iPhone 8 that still has flappy bird on it that they pass around. It's beaten to shit but still kicking.

Paul Bunyan

Needs to use the largest I-Pad ever, but she plays pretty basic Facebook-esque games like Candy Crush. In her Alt form, she posts game scores for likes.

Kintoki

Jetpack Joyride and the Hello Kitty games.

Author Servants

Hans gets them all into phone scrabble. They keep getting collectively mad at Shakespeare because he cheats and tries to make new words.

anderson voice: dumas that word is not allowed in scrabble

dumas: but it's a word in FRENCH

Ptolomey dominates

Among Us

The child servants generally play Among Us together, once it gets popular in Chaldea.

Jack: Loves to be the imposter because murder is fun! Pretty bad at keeping her identity hidden, though. LOVES the little hats.

Nursery Rhyme: Sees it as a game of Hide and Seek. Fails at being the imposter and doing tasks.

Jalter Lily: Does tasks, is decent at being the imposter. A generalist.

Voyager: Very good at doing tasks. Hates being the imposter.

Erice: Terrible at Among Us, but wants to play to hang out with Voyager. She gets really upset about losing, though. This genuinely affects her self-confidence.

Mephistopheles: Plays with the children. Pretends to be the imposter even if he's not.

Douman: Also plays with the children. Generally pretty wretched to Meph, but is a good and fun player otherwise. Hams up being the evil villain when they're shot out of the air-lock.

Pokemon Go

Achilles

Da Vinci Lily with Goredolf

Erice with Voyager

Iskander with the very specific intention of conquering the world and catching a Pokemon in every city he conquers. Waver cannot keep up with him, so Iskander would -- in the hypothetical world-conquering scenario -- get one of those phone holders and drive the car real slow to help him catch Pokemon.

Guda is a shiny hunter.

Carmilla gets all the dogs, eventually branching out into other Dark types (with the occasional cute animal.) Defends her team's gym with a massively overpowered Houndoom.

Bakin has a full dog team

Rakou has a teddiursa she named Kintoki. Kintoki would catch Raikou a Raikou. Gotta do things for your momma!

Michi teaches Izou how to use a phone so he can have his little Pokemon.

Sei plays with the girl gang (Suzuka, Nobbu, Okita, etc. Murasaki is dragged along too.)

Honorable Mentions

Beni Enma

Doesn't play phone games, but does have a DS and 10,000 hours in the cooking mama games and their offshoots collectively.

[cooganbegs-blog]

Especially when my flight gets delayed….Fark there are some disadvantages to living at the end of the world!

And no qantas lounge to ease the pain! My pitiful silver membership doesn’t extend to lounge access! So I’m shlepping with the plebs!!

Working off a table in the general melee without even a wine to help! God help me I can’t contemplate alcohol 🤢

[deactivatesamwhich]

Ok, I've reached my limit with watching Plebs. The last couple of episodes of season 4 were absolute dog shit. They really lost the plot after the boys bought a public latrine and turned it into a wine bar, but the episode where they tried live at the bathhouse permanently really jumped the shark. And the costumes got progressively worse as the season went on.

And I'm still not 100% sold on Jason/Jace replacing Stylax.

2/10 for historical accuracy, 8/10 for comedy, 5/10 for plot.

[imiadove2023]

The earth is flat stand up against scientism shirt

He sort of apologises without apologising and at the same time being careful enough not to stitch himself up for any criminal repercussions ('technically' he says no rules were broken) and at the same time making out its us, the British public who have it all wrong ('millions of people won't see it that way' - that he was technically in the right) but he can understand why us plebs could've come to the misunderstanding. it's a disgrace this man still won't take responsibility. People laying dying alone and he walked in on a garden party absolute joke. it's the people that need to take action against corrupt government who think there better than everyone else. my poor gran attended Chapel all throughout her life and was denied her last rights but you had a cheese and wine party.

Buy it here: The earth is flat stand up against scientism shirt

[reekierevelator]

After the Party

(a short radio play in three scenes)

CHARACTERS

Yvette                   Late twenties, smart clothes, carrying a handbag

Murdo                  Late twenties, smart-casual clothes

Jack                      Middle aged, jeans and polo shirt

Bob                        Late teens, jeans and polo shirt

SCENE ONE

Location - In a black taxi – FX taxi noise

Time – 4pm, Saturday afternoon, March 2023 (the new age of austerity)

1 Yvette

And the way that guy kept on about his yacht…  What was his name?

2 Murdo

Oh yes, that guy - Guy

3 Yvette

Oh yes, Guy – humblebragging about almost drowning himself when he fell overboard off St Lucia after drinking Cristal champagne all day.

4 Murdo

It wasn’t Cristal that Roger was pouring into our glasses back there.

5 Yvette

Some sort of fizzy plonk for the plebs I think. I saw Lucinda take a sip and she screwed her face up at him. And the place, I expected at least a decent three course sit-down – just a buffet – and nachos and melted cheese. I ask you, a ‘buffet restaurant’, and they called it a Swiss raclette or something. It was definitely cheddar. I thought that fondue business went out with the dinosaurs. Slices of cold ham, potato salad, French bread, and that gateaux was awful. I could have made a much better meal at home. To be honest, I think Roger and Lucinda are feeling the pinch.

6 Murdo

I got that impression too – though admittedly they were paying for everything.  Guy could have stumped up. I heard him virtue-signalling, telling you his usual story about how he started out as a brickie’s hod carrier and ended up owning the whole nationwide company. It’s sort of true. He did work on a building site for a couple of weeks during college vacations. But it was in his uncle’s building firm. His uncle never married. No kids. Guy inherited everything. But anyway, it was only a Saturday lunchtime get-together. Roger just wanting to mark his birthday with some old pals.  

7 Yvette

Saturday night is more appropriate. Shame  about Lucinda’s working – what did you say – second job driving nightshift taxis?  Lunchtime is more like something for kids, a children’s birthday party. The only thing missing was candles on that dreadful cake.

8 Murdo

Maybe they didn’t think about it? They haven’t got any kids.  Kids are such an enormous expense, aren’t they?  If you were keen we could maybe think about children in a year or two. Roger’s NHS salary must be worth a lot less that when I first met him a few years ago. But at least he’s managed to get on the housing ladder – huge mortgage – Lucinda’s taxi work must help pay for it. He was gobbling food like he hadn’t eaten for weeks. What is it Wodehouse says – ‘getting himself outside of’ - whole platefuls of cold ham, pakora, sausage rolls and samosas.

9 Yvette

Not quite the haute cuisine you’d led me to expect. What does Lucinda do?

10 Murdo

She was waitressing for a couple of years after graduating. Hotel receptionist now… I got some hot runny cheese on my best shirt. One for the dry-cleaner’s. Even dry-cleaners charge a fortune these days.

11 Yvette

At least we can drop the forced smiles now and have a pleasant evening with a glass of decent wine and some chocolates.

12 Murdo

That’s true. We may not be in Guy’s league but we aren’t quite counting the pennies yet.

13 Yvette

Well, as we agreed when we moved in together last year, you count your pennies and I’ll count mine – except of course for the big things, like me being lumbered paying the rent.

14 Murdo

You’re not going to bring that up again are you?  We agreed. You’re the rent -and your phone contract of course - but I’m everything else – council tax, gas, electricity, water, broadband, tv licence, tv subscriptions – Netflix, Disney+, Prime, -food, drink, taxis…

15 Yvette

No need to rattle on about it Murdo. I sometimes think dividing up our finances this way suits you because whenever we’re out with other people you can give the appearance that you pay for me, for everything - meals, alcohol, entertainment,  - that certainly seemed to be the impression that bitch Sophie had when she joked that if we were a business partnership I must be the sleeping partner.

16 Murdo

She was talking about herself, her own business Yvy, not us.

17 Yvette

She was implying I sleep with you in exchange for financial support. How does that Sophie besom manage to live so well anyway? What does she do?

18 Murdo

Her dad made money. Spent years buying old flats cheap, doing them up then selling them at a profit. He moved on to letting them out instead of selling them. Then he let Sophie take over. These days I think there are more than a dozen properties she lets out.

19 Yvette

Sounds like easy money to me. That man Cameron she’s with. Grinning like a hyena. ‘Isn’t it great how house prices keep shooting up’ he says. I just smiled sweetly. I know you said Cammy’s parents bought that place for him when he was a student but it doesn’t help. I tried talking to him about my work. He said he was sure I made a wonderful shop assistant – I am not a shop assistant Murdo!

20 Murdo

Of course you aren’t Yvy. You’re in retail, you’re the deputy manager of a classy little boutique in the St James Quarter.

21 Yvette

There’s still that prat James above me; thinks he’s God’s gift. But I could hear that Sophie sniggering behind my back, implying to your friends that I was some kind of kept woman.

22 Murdo

That’s a little paranoid Yvy.  You make it sound like she was trying to undermine you, gaslighting you.

23 Yvette

She sort of threatened to come into my shop and make me serve her while she tried on the most expensive dresses – talked about haute couture – wouldn’t know haute couture if it fell on her head. Well, anyway, gas lighting would be up to you. You certainly wouldn’t want to stump up for gas lighting.

24 Murdo

You’re right there. The way fuel and food prices have been rocketing up I think I got the worst of the bargain when we divided up our overhead costs.

25 Yvette

The rent’s not cheap Murdo.  I think they’re planning to put it up again soon.

SCENE TWO

Location  – Front door of flat on arrival home

Time – 4.30pm, Saturday afternoon

1 Murdo

[about to put key in door]   The fares black cabs charge is really getting beyond a joke Yvy. 

2 Yvette

Well I don’t understand why you’ve let the garage keep our car all this time.  That must be three weeks now they’ve been working on it.  I mean how much repair work needs doing after an MOT?  Unless you make a fuss tradesmen are just in no hurry at all these days are they?

3 Murdo

I know Ubers and minicabs look a bit cheap to you Yvy but honestly these days you can make a good case for just taking the bus – a proper and sensible thing to do - fighting climate change and so on.  The bus would have been just as quick. ….   Wait a minute, did you forget to lock the door? 

4 Yvette

No, of course not. And you were last out as usual.

5 Murdo

[peering closely at the lock]   Well anyway, it’s still open. Hells bells Yvy, it looks like the lock’s been forced. 

6 Yvette

Oh God, has someone broken into the flat?

7 Murdo

There’s a light on inside. I can hear people talking.  We should call the police.

8 Yvette

[striding into the flat]    Oh for God’s sake Murdo.  These days the police won’t bother getting here for hours, maybe days.  I pay the rent on this place; I pay for that door. I’ll bloody well sort this out myself!

9 Jack

[rising from a kneeling position in the hall]     Oh, ah, hullo there.  Just back are you eh?  Been on holiday? 

10 Yvette

Holidays? … [aside  how do we divide the cost of holidays?] ….You’ve been caught red-handed, give yourself up…

11 Jack

Knocked and rang the bell.  No answer.  Let myself in.

12 Yvette

[threatening to hit Jack with handbag]    Let yourself in? Who the hell do you think you are breaking into my flat? … 

13 Jack

Ah, hang on, see missus, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick there…

14 Yvette

[Yvette startled as Bob pokes his head out from the under-the-stairs cupboard]  Another one! And who the hell is that?

15 Jack

Ah, well this little chap would be Bob. We work as a team see, I…..

16 Yvette

A bloody gang of thieves.  Murdo, there’s two of them!  Don’t let them escape.  Block the door.  [She searches in her handbag and pulls out a pair of nail scissors.]  Try to run and I swear I’ll poke your eye out with these.

17 Bob

Easy on there missus, we’re only swapping the meters aren’t we.

18 Yvette

What do you mean, ‘swapping the meters’?

19 Jack

Well we’re Northern Gas missus. [Jack turns and points to the writing on the back of his polo shirt – ‘Northern – it’s a gas, gas, gas’]  Just here to do the meters … gas meter…

20 Bob

…and I’m on the electricity…  

21 Yvette

[perplexed, brandishing scissors]    ‘Do the meters?’ ‘Do the meters?’

22 Jack

Yes, both … your dual fuel contract see…

23 Bob

You’ll have had all the text messages…

24 Jack

…Or emails…

25 Bob

…The envelopes with big red lettering.

26 Murdo

[slapping his forehead]    Ah, oh dear, my goodness.  Well, now I think about it I might be able to explain some of this Yvy.

27 Yvette

What do you mean, ‘explain’?

28 Murdo

Well, it’s true, there were emails – rather a lot of emails in fact – and then there was a letter… letters… – printed in red.

29 Jack

Yes, that’s right, see that’s how it works missus.

30 Yvette

Good God Murdo, are you trying to tell me that these… these people, really are Northern Gas employees, and they’ve broken into my flat…

31 Jack

Well not ‘broken in’ – that’s not right missus.  All legitimate, above board.  See gas, water, electric –  right of entry anytime – case of emergency and so on, so…

32 Yvette

…broken into my flat because, because, because they’re converting, force-fitting, turning our gas and electricity meters into prepayment meters, because, because…

33 Jack

Because the bills haven’t been paid, have they missus?  Payments stopped weeks ago.  Company left with no choice.

34 Yvette

[turning angrily on Murdo]    For God’s sake Murdo, is this true?  How could you forget to arrange the direct debits? That’s all it takes – a little bit of competent household management. No need to stand there looking like you’ve lost a pound and found a penny. Get it sorted!

35 Murdo

[shame-faced]   Ah, well, actually it is a little more complicated than that really.  I did set up the direct debits pretty well, but, well…

36 Bob

Stopped working, did they? - no money in the bank account? – [aside] that’s usually the way of it, isn’t it Jack?

37 Yvette

[stunned]   No money!?... but surely… automatic bank overdraft….

38 Murdo

Yvy you know when I said at least we aren’t quite counting the pennies yet, well it’s not quite true. To be honest…

39 Yvette

[hitting Murdo with her handbag]   No money?...No money in your bank account?...

40 Murdo

[squirming, ashen faced]  Sorry, even the overdraft up to the hilt. Financially embarrassed. Skint. Boracic…  See, it’s the job.

41 Yvette

What’s wrong with the job?  Working hard, going out to the Brewery’s offices every day, pottering about filling in computer forms and spreadsheets, - you say it’ll all be fully automated soon, but not yet, no not yet, - then home by six-thirty every day. You’ve always enjoyed admin, clerical work. What’s wrong with the job?

42 Murdo

The thing is, when the government pandemic subsidies – furlough and so on – stopped, the beer prices still went up - drinkers cutting back, pubs closing, exports plummeting – bloody Brexit - they just didn’t need so many people to organise deliveries…

43 Yvette

You’ve lost your bloody job!?

44 Murdo

That’s the long short. Two months ago.  Negligible redundancy money - not there long enough. But then your shop re-opened and you were busy checking stock, encouraging sales, helping on the counter, still people with money out there… and I, well I’ve been, eh, hanging around, walking around the parks mainly, hoping my savings would stretch till I found a new job. Hoped your salary might tide us over if I had to ask. Actually, lots of vacancies out there – hotel cleaners, burger flippers, call centres – that kind of thing - zero hours – how do people live on those wages?  I even looked at fast food bicycle delivery... 

45 Bob

Your legs aren’t strong enough guv, nothing personal, just saying.  Amount of deliveries you got to do to make a living wage… needs strong legs…

46 Murdo

And people cutting back anyway – can’t afford delivery – cost of food up nearly 20% - Just Eat, Deliveroo – all letting people go or forcing them to be self-employed again – companies never made a profit anyway, and…

47 Jack

Driving though? – You could drive a van – help clog up the streets like all those Asda and Amazon and…

48 Murdo

… and utilities company vans.

49 Jack

Here, somebody’s got to fit PPM. It’s a living.

50 Murdo

Maybe not for anyone with scruples? A bit morally dubious sometimes? Cutting off heating – kids – old people - disabled…left freezing, hungry…

51 Yvette

For God’s sake Murdo. You’re the bloody slough of despond. At least the rent’s still paid. I’m still paying the rent.

52 Murdo

Oh well that will keep Sophie happy at least – the only way I managed to find a flat…

53 Yvette

Oh, that’s great! Our landlady – that bitch!  And the car in the MOT garage – no doubt the repair bill’s still unpaid?

53 Murdo

[apologetic]  And the tax, insurance, not to mention petrol… One thing just leads to another…

54 Yvette

[aggressive]  Oh for God’s sake get a grip Murdo. Listen, it can’t be too hard to learn how to convert meters can it? – and it looks like there’s going to be a lot of demand for people to do these conversions for some time yet…so…do you want to eat or do you want to have scruples? 

55 Murdo

[brightening up]   You’re not wrong Yvy. It’s an idea. In fact you could be absolutely right. I’ll get on to Northern Gas right away. [Turning to the workmen] What are your names again boys - Jack, Bob is it? – Any chance you could put in a word, give me a decent reference?

SCENE THREE

Location – Pavement outside shop doorway.  It is raining. FX rainfall

Murdo - unshaven, dirty clothes, sitting cross-legged on pavement, paper coffee cup in front of him alongside a piece of cardboard with ‘Hungry and homeless’ scrawled on it.

Yvette - striding along the pavement holding an umbrella, suddenly stops, aghast, stands over him, staring down at him. FX footsteps coming to sudden halt

Time – One month later – 9am Monday

1 Yvette

My God, is that you Murdo?

2 Murdo

Ah, Yvy, yes, I’m afraid so. You never think it could happen to you, do you?  Then you fill in all the stuff to apply for Universal Credit and it takes forever.  You fall through the bloody trapdoor before you even realize it’s there. Penniless. On the street.

3 Yvette

You could have been fixing gas meters.

4 Murdo

Couldn’t bring myself to do it in the end.  Heart-breaking.  There again, they only hire and pay wages to people with a fixed address.  Bit of a catch-22 there, the old ‘no fixed abode’.  Couldn’t even get a job pouring coffee – mentioned body odour, wrong image for customers.  You know Yvy, they always said money is the main reason couples argue and break up, but I didn’t properly understand…  I know you chose the role of paying the rent but, well, I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously, react so badly to my new-found, er, impecuniousness… poverty…   I had nowhere to go. Are you still living there?

5 Yvette

I managed to get back in touch with Guy. He spoke to Sophie. She’s letting me stay in the flat rent-free for a couple of months until I find some flat-sharers.  Couple of people in the boutique are interested – shop takings are down – staff salaries not keeping up with inflation – employees rents still shooting up - lots of people  looking for cheaper places to live.

6 Murdo

James, by any chance?

7 Yvette

Well yes, he’s expressed a strong interest. With the rent going up and pay in the boutique not moving Sophie says I’d be better off working for her – property management assistant.

8 Murdo

[aside, under his breath] bloody rent collector putting the squeeze on. - Spare some change Yvy?  I can barely afford to eat – prices getting ludicrous. Citizens Advice gave me a voucher for the food bank but I’m soaked through Yvy, hoping to get enough for a hostel bed tonight.

9 Yvette

[dropping some coins into Murdo’s cup as she turns away] I’ve got to get to work.  Money’s a bit tight.  Cost of food’s high for everyone.  My present post may not pay too well Murdo, but look at you, things could be worse.  Maybe I’ll see you around.

10 Murdo

Maybe. Goodbye Yvy.  Hope James is good for you. [aside, peering into the paper cup] No need to despair old son, looks about enough there for a couple of cans – funny, working in a brewery I always fancied wine - but if special brew can blank me out of this for a while… help me forget the state of the world….well, oblivion beckons.

[teaandinanity]

Why does my $7 bottle of wine have an ACTUAL CORK????

I don’t even OWN a corkscrew; cheap wine is obviously cooking wine and it is supposed to have a screwtop.