#REALLY need to see a therapist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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pinkstars98 · 1 year

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hmm. actually maybe my depression is bipolar. this would explain a lot.

#REALLY need to see a therapist #i shouldn’t go from cloud 9 to wanting to self harm or kill myself in the sam day #this is not normal and in fact bad #no insurance though so guess i’ll suffer #i should at least go to bed #so sleepy 😴#downside is this has low key ruined my crush on hawks too #cause like 1) the odds that i wouldn’t be enough for him either are basically 100% based of track history #and 2) how fucking sad is it that all i have #all i’ve ever had #all i’ll ever have #is a fucking cartoon boy #god i wish someone could love me the way i love them #i wish i didn’t have to compromise something major to me just for the chance #this is stupid i’m going to sleep now #or try to at the very least

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bramblequeen · 8 days

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A Beautiful Dream // A Harsh Reality

AKA As the World Falls Down from the Labyrinth movie works way too well with this Arc of Twst (especially if you’re a MalleYuu shipper)

AKA I come up with a theoretical Great Concept™️ but get bored of drawing it so I rush to finish it. This was supposed to be an animated GIF overlap where you could see the reality glitch onto screen…but again, boredom

I…would like to revisit this. But not right now. I need to let it sit and focus on other stuff. It’s still a concept I enjoy and it would be nice to Draw Malleus in Jareth’s actual garb properly

#bramble arts #twisted wonderland #twst oc #kingdom hearts #malleyuu #overblot malleus #malleus draconia #twst x oc #can you see I gave up on the arms? because anatomy sucks ass and I refuse to learn like a stubborn bitch #I should really see a therapist about by tendency to gravitate towards characters with Dream related powers #oh my god OB! malleus looks like he’s got a squint eye #and I forgot Lucia’s mole…#I think I need to spend more time thumbnailing before actually launching into projects like this

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alsklingwille · 8 months

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i wonder if this scene has something to do with wille’s grief. wille appears to have all of his walls up and seems really angry or shut down in this scene. it could be directed at simon, but i think it’s likely and in character for him to be going through something deeper internally and unable to express that others yet. maybe it’s some kind of pressure building that he’s disappointing erik if he’s considering abdication? and maybe simon said something that hit a nerve and that’s why simon feels helpless - cause now wille’s shut him out. we’ve seen this behavior before in wille quite literally shutting his mom out of erik’s room to have a moment of missing his big brother, so it’s safe to say that’s a defense mechanism when he feels like someone doesn’t understand. and he seems to be having other moments in s3 where he’s also extremely frustrated and dysregulated, so could be a bunch of things boiling up at once.

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forgetme-eternally-blissfully · 21 days

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Do you ever think that when Cale was KRS, he subconsciously knew about the curse? All of those terrible things kept happening to people he cared about- so much so that it would become a recognizable pattern (that he would realize later on was an actual curse) so he unintentionally twisted his mind into the piece of origami it is now, attributing people to their worth and convenience and refusing to express care for anyone, inside of his heart or to the outside world.

… He fails at hiding it. He fails because he doesn’t even know what counts as caring about someone’s well being, he doesn’t know what it looks like! He’s only ever had his own concern towards himself (and Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo), and everyone who cares for him like he cares for them— dies.

He knows how to be a team leader and how to manage and take responsibility for his members, but he doesn’t want to outwardly or inwardly care. Even after finding out about the curse, he doesn’t see how he refuses to care about things.

Well- he does care about things. Arguably more than anyone else, because his internal longing for human connection is so bone-deep that he can only create reasons why he’s helping people, instead of saying that he wants to.

‘Want’ got Cale nowhere. ‘Family’ got him nowhere. ‘Friends’ left him to sweep up his broken remains. ‘Home’ didn’t last, ‘safety’ is an illusion, and ‘emotions’ have only ever gotten in his way. Time and time again, these facts got drummed and burned into his mind.

It’s all he knows. It’s all Kim Rok Soo knew for his aching, dragging 36 years of existence.

Now he’s Cale Henituse.

Those facts are still there. They’ve become deep, welded scars in his mind. They’ll never go away.

But he’s learning. Very, very slowly. Those scars will never disappear, but maybe through this story, he can learn to traverse his trauma.

I hope so.

I really, really hope so.

(Drafted: January 23, 2023)

(I found this gathering dust in my drafts and decided to post it)

#it hurts to see him hurt himself and his friends when sacrificing himself. I know that’s what he feels is best #to truly express his desire for a good and happy life. and his way to avoid actually *saying* that he cares while still protecting the #people he cares about #and yeah seeing him hurt and his friends caring about him can be haha big angst hit the cry button now ->#but I really do hope that he learns to step back and acknowledge WHY he wants to protect these ppl so much #this boy needs some emotional intelligence. a therapist. and a slacker life #oh I just had the best idea for an angsty story #cough COUGH anyway haha empathy y’know. my boy needs his friends to step in bc he’s self destructive #tcf #lcf #I need to write this idea down so y’all can cry later LMAOOOOOO #trash of the counts family #lout of the counts family #totcf #lotcf #cale henituse #kim Rok Soo #not a reblog

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vibingforjudaism · 11 months

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I need a therapist who I can argue with and who will give me jewish advice ....a rabbi. I need a rabbi

#afakelj #seriously though #i thought my last therapist was good!#and then i tried to change some stuff and do some arguing #and the reaction was... mrrrgh #also idk. i feel like.... i don't want to have to update the therapist about what is happening in my life #which is stupid! of course i should they've got many patients #but i feel like what i just sit there talking about my week? i do that to my friends already #i'd like a situation where they knew me enough to already have a general idea of what was going on #so i could meet with them less frequently. say once a month #and then we could work on a specific problem i'm having and i could get advice on that and see how that's working out #i really think of therapy as brain and emotions doctor and where i'm at now i want...more jewish methods of dealing with life?#does this make any sense #.....a bubbe would also work in a different but similar way. i need one of them too T.T #but you see i pay the rabbi by dues to the synagogue. so i just have to find a synagogue i like (lmao just)#i have to marry someone and start raising grandchildren to pay the bubbe

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blood-orange-juice · 10 months

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There's a scene in the first season of Babylon Berlin where a characters reads a lecture on psychoanalysis and PTSD (the series are set sometime between the two world wars) and the audience boos him.

"Brain is an organ, not a poetry book," they say.

For me it put into perspective how important was what Freud did. Considering the setting he had to work in, the setting he had to overcome in his own mind first, we really don't value the guy enough.

Not like I didn't *know* it, but it helped immensely to see it in context.

He was the first who said that humans have an inner life that's neither sacred nor purely physical. That it's governed by its own predictable rules and breaks in predictable ways, and that it can be mended through talking. Not being electrocuted or medicated out of the patient.

Just how awesome is that. Just how much inner work that required in his times.

#one thing that gets me when I try to read him #is his stance on ethics in therapy #he wrote about how tempting the position of being an expert on living was for the analyst #how it should be avoided not only in outward actions #but even as a passing thought #because the analysant will feel it if it's there #and it will stop them from moving where they really need to be #I see very few modern therapists who truly avoid that position #or truly understand the gravity of it #also unlike jung the guy never slept with his patients #ethical committees weren't even around at that time #no one would have stopped him #and yet he didn't #his ideas may be outdated #but we seriously underestimate freud as a person and as a scientist

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aurademortt · 27 days

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I'm struggling a lot with my body image and I'm having a hard time not hurting myself.

#personal #I really need to see my therapist #I've been waiting for a visit from a psychiatrist for 7 months now

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bunnyboy-juice · 1 month

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oughghghhghghhhhhgh (vent)

#I've literally had an anxiety attack nearly everyday this month #I've been so spacey #I've had two major meltdowns (this past Monday and last Monday)#i am like! deeply not okay!!#i dont really wanna talk about it with anyone or be comforted about it directly just.#blugh. i had to email my therapist for a bonus session next week ):#i am like. so deeply Not okay. i really did not need this info. i really wish it would've been tempered in the Slightest #months old pain that i Made the Decision to not mess with BC IT WAS COMPLICATED THEN!!!!!! now just shoved in my face like nothing😝#^^^^^^ will not explain this do not ask #shame and confusion i chose to accept not having a perfect answer/closure for ripped out and theres a gaping hole where that healing was #oh gd i am sobbing in the work bathroom #just a couple of days hopefully before i can see therapist and tlak thru thid #i want to hide and be left alone until then so bad ;~;

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antiyourwokehomophobia2 · 2 days

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I think I'm gonna tell my therapist how I feel. Not in a "let's go out" way but in a laying it bare way.

#I have simply noooot been doing well 😭#And I need a therapist I can be honest with #So I think I really just need to tell her #Idk how I'm gonna word it #But I see her tomorrow morning. Little less than twelve hours #I will DEFINITELY be reporting back here 💀#Cause I know I've dragged y'all through this saga with me #Y'all deserve to know what she's gonna say to me #God bless 💀#No fr #I'm scared but I'm also in a spot where I simply need someone I can be open with cause your girl is struggling BAD #All that to say y'all should stay tuned

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p0rk-guts · 4 months

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ill fitting skin

#Drew this to represent really loud confusing feelings I've been having about my own identity #don't. read these tags if u don't wanna hear that #i don't feel like who i am like ... matches who i am on the outside which is strange but idk how else to describe it #it definitely has to do with how i was raised and the expectations placed on me by my parents and peers and my community #but i feel like everything i do and every part of who i am shouldn't be coming from me #and i know it's not true. or not always true at least. but i feel like everyone must feel weirded out by that #i never really meet peoples initial expectations and i know that doesn't matter but. y'know #and every thing i do makes me feel sick because i feel like im not supposed to be doing it and im supposed to act different or better or #more normal and everybody knows that and it's freaking everyone else out just as much but they aren't SAYING it #any.ways. i need to see a therapist when i move out #my art #digital art #vent art #self sona #bright colors #eye strain #ok to rb #porkscreams

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cal-is-a-cryptid · 11 months

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Something that makes me happy #4:

I’m alive at the same time as Hayao Miyazaki.

#something that makes me happy #mental health #positive habits #positive thoughts #mine #hayao miyazaki #studio ghibli #spirited away #kiki's delivery service #I’m like really struggling today y’all #I’ve not stayed a full day of work for almost a month cause my anxiety is so bad #my insurance problem isn’t solved and I just desperately need to see a doc and talk to a therapist #I hate being an American #trauma dump #don’t mind me or my silly little tags

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pollen · 1 month

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what if i became a dietician 0-0 what if became an lcsw 0-0 what if i became a personal trainer 0-0 what if i went to culinary school 0-0 what if i became a pilates instructor 0-0 what if i went to nursing school 0-0

#i'm so serious i need to be doing something where i am with people #i'm working with my therapist to figure out what it is i want to do and she could see me being in social work #idk i just want to dissolve when i think about trying to fight to work as an editor in this job market #and it's like. completely killed my passion for it i fear. and i'm filled with imposter syndrome and i don't feel like i have room to make #mistakes because i don't have room to be a beginner at things anymore but so much time has passed since i was laid off that i feel like i'm #stagnating. as a marketer. and that's where i'd be most likely to find editing work. so i wanna just do something else #so i can get the ball rolling again by going back to school. and i want to do something with people that isn't going to disappear #and i really just do not know what to do because i don't want to make the wrong decision. i'm just paralyzed. school is expensive #oh also i don't feel like i can be a beginner because i've been editing in an employed capacity since 2017 #so the fact that i'm like mid career but still unable to land entry-level roles is so demotivating. and i know it's not me but still #it just feels so inhospitable now. and like i don't have what it takes to make it because it's so competitive #idk welcome to a rant by me

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cacw · 4 months

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