#Ralph breaks the internet could never

[legendary-defender-of-fandoms]

Love Bug - The Wreck-it Ralph Sequel we Deserved

Full disclosure, I am NOT the author/illustrator of this fanfic! I am not planning to post the fanfic & associated pictures here because A) I’m not the author/illustrator, B) it’s up to the original author to post their own work wherever they want at their discretion, and C) with all the AI BS going on, I don’t want to contribute by having some algorithm steal the author’s original pieces for “learning purposes.”

I am only sharing the link for this fanfic because it completely took over my brain after I saw the original Wreck-it Ralph and set a bar that no sequel could EVER hope to clear! And I’m desperate for more folks to talk to about how AMAZING this fanfic is! It has EVERYTHING we wanted for the Wreck-it Ralph sequel!

Ralph & Vanellope being THE daddy-daughter duo!

Felix & Calhoun not just being lovey-dovey or background comic relief, but being legit Couple Goals as they listen to each other, support each other, and trust each other to get stuff done. And, you know, being IN THE STORY for more than 5 minutes!

Felix & Ralph talking about the first 30 years of their existence & Felix taking some accountability for how Ralph was ostracized by the other Nicelanders.

Ralph & Calhoun chatting and being awkward in-laws.

More game-jumping to classic games like DDR, Mortal Kombat, and Mrs. PAC-Man.

Ralph staying in Bad-Anon

Remembering that Ralph was alone for 30 years, NOT 27 (seriously, Disney - how do you mess that up?)

Keeping Vanellope as the PRESIDENT of Sugar Rush, NOT the Princess!

When Ralph & Vanellope have a falling-out & “break up” for a tic, it comes from their miscommunication, their inexperience at friendship, and BOTH being afraid to lose the first & most significant relationship they’ve ever had as opposed to one being SUPER OOC & doing something impressively stupid & risky to keep the other close.

But it also has new material, like Ralph getting his very own love interest! And UNLIKE. A bunch of weird fanfics that shipped him with variations on Vanellope (either a new Bad Guy adult Vanellope or the original Vanellope magically aged up), his love interest is a completely original character!

Please, go forth, read, admire the pretty pictures, then message me so there can be a dialogue about this amazing sequel!

[bunny-carrothunter]

Decided to write a whole list down on why RBTI (Ralph Breaks the Internet) is a disappointment of a sequel. Inconsistencies, character regression, bad writing, outdated jokes, blatant IP flaunting, and so much more. I know there's already so many videos talking about why the sequel is just not good, but frankly, I could go on and on for hours on specifically why they destroyed everything we loved about the first movie in the sequel.

Made it open for anyone to add or edit. I don't have good equipment so I very much doubt I'll make a video or anything, but who knows.

[imflyingfish]

I forgot how good wreck it ralph is

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Insufferable Comic Relief Round 1

Propaganda why Olaf is an insufferable Comic Relief:

"He's so annoying"

"He's not cute. He's not fun. He's not funny. I wish he had melted. He likes warm hugs? What kind of eight year old builds a snowman that looks like this? Why did Elsa make him? To sell plushies?"

"He's not funny, he's annoying, and he can't read the room. I have a visceral reaction to this character, he's the only Disney comic relief character that annoys me like that."

"Being dumb isn't funny, it's just annoying"

"They're not funny, their voice is annoying, they don't bring anything to the story"

"He does not fit the aethestic of the movie, he makes unnecessary commentary, he's forced into being helpful at the END of the movie, I see his face everywhere and want to punch it and I don't like his voice actor."

"Unfunny jokes. Obnoxious voice. Incessant use of the word "butt". Plus he's hideous and really creepy looking."

Propaganda why Sisu is an insufferable Comic Relief:

"fancy mysterious dragon acts like a toddler on sugar"

"This film could have been so much better if the titular dragon was actually sincere and majestic instead of just an Awkwafina comedy routine in dragon form (which looks more like "what if Elsa made a My Little Pony OC" than an actual SEAsian-inspired dragon anyway). This character is not the ONLY thing damaging the film but the most ear-grating for sure. It's so bad that I literally felt nothing when Sisu was killed at the climax, which is probably not what the film was going for but she's SO INSUFFERABLE"

"I don’t know if she counts since she’s one of the main characters, but I hate her so much. Her voice, her “humor”, the fact that she never stops talking the entire movie, and the fact that she tells the message of the movie directly to the audience and we’re supposed to just take it at her word since she’s a main character (and the message is harmful to add insult to injury.) cheered when she died, like actually, out loud. I think that alone says enough."

"I watched TEN MINUTES of this and oh boy I kind of hate her!! Her design is ugly and uninspired! She could’ve taken more elements of Japanese culture??

Sisu makes jokes that don’t make sense considering the time period she’s in. They’re very outdated and incredibly cringe-worthy EVEN BACK THEN (like Ralph breaks the internet)

She also keeps nagging Raya and this is awful because she’s one of two main characters present. I could NOT sit through this movie. "

[froggymug]

I'm a Turbo lover, yes...

But Ralph is my babygirl... Poor guy deserved so much better pre-movie. He's such a genuine sweetheart who's down-to-earth, compassionate and a gentle giant despite his circumstances. I just... gahhhh, I wanna give him a kiss on the cheek and a freshly made pie.

Thinking about what those 30 years must've been like for him hurts my heart. Do you think he tried to connect with the Nicelanders and Felix but had his attempts ignored? Or did something go wrong and they never gave him another chance? ;-;

And the desperation in his voice when he crash-landed in Sugar Rush and saw his medal stuck in the tree? The way he spoke to Tapper and said so wholeheartedly that he can't spend another 30 years alone? Breaks my heart, man...

Gah, and considering how Tamora's backstory affects her... Idk, the fact that it's programmed that Ralph used to have a comfortable home and had that taken away from him? Does he think back to those coded memories when he didn't sleep in the dump? Even though he knows those memories aren't "real" in a sense, does that really matter in the grand sense of things? MAN.

Also, his dynamic with Vanellope makes me wanna cry, it's so wholesome and makes me think of my relationship with one of my best internet friends, who I see as a father figure. He cares about her so much and though he fell for what King Candy/Turbo tried selling him, it was purely out of concern for Vanellope.

I could honesly go on and on and on, haha-

So yes, I'm a Turbo lover.

But I'm a Ralph lover, sympathiser and appreciator.

I want him so bad I mean what, who said that.

[dozzlegramcracker]

After watching Randomalistic's video, i think it's time

I want to take a moment to say that the video @randomalistic posted about Turbo/King Candy on Youtube (Go check them out they're very cool and awesome artist) is so GOOD that I decided to make my own analysis. Not on Turbo but what COULD have been. And why Ralph Breaks The Internet is a steaming garbage fire of a movie and how they could've made it so so much better.

With THAT, lets get into the analysis.

We all know how Wreck-It-Ralph ends, Turbo ends up burning in the Cola mountain, fueled by his cybug urge to 'go into the light'. Then we never see him again, assuming he's dead. Cause Sonic Says: "You die outside your game, you don't regenerate! Game over :D"

Since Turbo has no game to go back to and being fused with a cybug that isn't in its core game, he would die, right? WRONG

My theory that the creators/writers didn't bank on is that Turbo had fused his code into Sugar Rush, making him King Candy, or else he wouldn't have been able to make such a good disguise. His code is quite literally forced into the game now and you can't tell me during his first time in that game, he didn't fall off the track a couple times because the track in Turbo Time was A CIRCLE. So how would he regenerate? Sure, Vanellope regained her original place in the game, practically kicking out the coding of 'King Candy' but he had enough time to regenerate while they walked to the track and rebuilt the finish line since Sugar Rush is a relatively new arcade game so it would load quicker than a 30y old arcade game.

The cybug coding would be gone because it got burned in the Cola Mountain but King Candy's code (which should still be connected to the game) aka Turbo's code is fused into the system. He would respawn as King Candy but as Vanellope crosses the finish line, he would turn back into his Turbo sprite. Leaving him back where he started, abandoned, without a game to call his own. Wouldn't that fuel his revenge story EVEN MORE? That story, of a twist villain coming back from the dead to finish the job is a much MUCH more interesting concept than Ralph going through a character arc he ALREADY went through, acting like the first movie doesn't even exist for a shitty cash grab and branding movie that feels closer to the 2012 movie 'Foodfight!' that they only finished for the money than an ACTUAL SEQUEL.

Why it sucks.

Ralph Breaks The Internet is such a needless cash grab that I hate and it is such a dumpster fire of a movie. I was so excited for a sequel until I watched the movie. Yes. All the way through.

It begins pretty standard. Vanellope and Ralph hanging out like the genuine friends they are that we saw at the end of the first movie. Some unsavory jokes but that's to be expected for a kids/family movie. Then they talk about Tron. Loved that game as a kid. However, they mention it having a virus. This already causes a roadblock in the movie. If Tron has a virus, is it going to get unplugged? Why hasn't it already been unplugged like in the first movie? Is it a Monday since the guy who takes out the arcade games comes on Fridays or that guy somehow sick? Then they don't even get into how they get out of the frozen Tron game. Back to the task at hand, Vanellope mentions the purpose of their existence. Then says something about 'wanting/wondering if they're is more to this than just this' which is exactly the lesson Ralph learned in the first one. Same for the extreme twist villain that was Turbo. Ralph wanted to be more than a bad guy, Turbo wanted power and attention. So now..Vanellope wants more out of her game too? Does the first movie just..NOT EXIST?? Or mean anything to the current story? Then, they plug in the wifi. Oh boy, this is where it gets terrible. Thanks for the explanation, Sonic. Glad to see you get at least 7 more seconds of screen time than the first movie. Skipping ahead, Ralph makes Vanellope a new track, she goes off programming, and the girl who is playing breaks the steering wheel. Now everyone in Sugar Rush is homeless. Guess instead of putting that handy orange paper on the screen, Litwak has decided to give no warning to the customers and the game characters! It's like he's trying to kill them.

Back on track, They find the wheel on ebay but it's 200 USD which honestly makes sense since it's a game part from a now old racing game. Litwak says 'that's more than this game makes in a year'. Doing the math, we can estimate this game costs a quarter. 25 cents per game. Depending on the skill of the player, they can luck out and win or need to put in another quarter to revive so lets say each player does this once. 50 cents per game then. Litwaks is open from sunrise to nine, at least that's what I recall from the first movie I might be off. I won't explain the logistics of it but .25 x 365 = 91 and some change. .50 x 365 = around 186. Removing some days and estimating how many people would play Sugar Rush in a day (sometimes involving two players) that would come to... more than 200 USD. I estimated at least 5 players playing a day and removed all holidays which comes to 250 working days. .50 x 5 = 2.50 and 2.50 x 250 = 625. So Litwak would absolutely have enough to pay for that wheel unless the shipping is 400 USD too. I hate math, can you tell how invested I am? But lets brush past that, it's a kids movie. Nobody is gonna look into THAT hard. Nobody except for me. End the day, Vanellope is on top of Ralphs building and - OH OH OH NOW HE PUTS THE ORANGE PAPER ON IT. OKAY. whatever. Ralph is a bit inconsiderate here, bragging about her not needing to do anything anymore even though he makes a good point about her complaining earlier. This is where it starts. Ralph gets insecure. Again. Alright lets skip forward and get to the meat of this story!! Felix is now an alcoholic father of fifteen, Ralph gets more clingy and needy, and then Vanellope and Ralph embark on a quest to find her game part. Back to reality, you seriously cannot tell me they did this in one night. Wouldn't Ralph's game go out of commission as well for a little while? Considering in the first movie, he's disappeared and the game almost gets unplugged - did I mention that in this universe the first movie doesn't exist? Anyway. Instant shameless branding. Snapchat and oh- is that AMAZON? One of the largest companies IN THE WORLD? Fandango is here too?? ITS ALMOST LIKE THEY'RE SPONSORING THE MOVIE.. as they travel through the internet we get a whole look at all the brands in this movie that may or may not be referenced in the future and I do not have the mental capacity to name all of them.

They find the steering wheel, bid an insane amount because apparently video games characters do not understand the concept of money even through Ralph has a tab at Tapper's, they cannot pay for it. They find Spamley and go to his 'website' and also meet Gort. One of the better characters, I find him hilarious. They figure out that a guy in Des Moines, IA (hey im from iowa!! and spamley pronounced it wrong) is willing to pay 40,000 USD for a racers car, this racer, girlboss awesome female character, Shanks. Yes that was sarcasm, the only woman empowerment character I need is Vanellope. Blah blah blah, youtube stuff etc etc. I'm TIRED of relaying this movie's events. Point blank period, Disney advertises itself and other brands to the MAX especially when they get farther into the movie. At the end, Vanellope decides to stay in Slaughter Race which would get her original game UNPLUGGED again because now there is only EIGHT in the roster which would be considered..oh what.. A GLITCH? OR VIRUS? Vanellope can be gone from her game for forever but Ralph can't be gone for one day? They're both core parts of their games, Vanellope is on the side of the console, which is a point they made IN THE FIRST MOVIE. DID. I. MENTION. THE FIRST MOVIE. DOESN'T EXIST HERE? What they did is make a more modern and terrible version of the first movie. Except it has less rules and completely disregards the rules set up in Wreck-It-Ralph. Now onto -

What Disney could have done with Turbo

Disney is no stranger to twist villains. They've even had some returning villains. Jafar, Yzma, Ratcliffe, Shere Khan, etc. Which is what they should've done with Turbo. One of Disney's (in my opinion) BEST twist villains and they killed him in the first movie! I could explain on and on about how good of a villain Turbo is but Randomalistic's video explains it better than I ever could. Back to my earlier point, he should've still been linked to Sugar Rush's code because even though he technically died, he would just respawn since he hard-wired his code into the system. Giving him ample time to hide out for the next six years (Ralph Breaks The Internet is staged 6 years into the future). He could have come back but they just didn't think about it that way. The movie that shall no longer be named had 10 million more on its budget and they spent it on branding. While the original movie created something that is very dear to my heart and even though it caused me some nightmares, it got me back into older arcade games and is one of the reasons I still really love them today. Centipede is my favorite arcade game! Turbo/King Candy was THE villain in my book. He's manipulative (x16), he's rude, he jumps to conclusions, he is downright evil to a degree that he tries to take over the entire arcade and infect the other characters. Wanting to do anything in the process to reach this goal, even if he has to kill Ralph and Vanellope to get to it. He is unapologetically a villain. I just wish they did more with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you for reading. I tend to get a bit carried away, especially with one of my most cherished movies. Go check out Randomalistic! They provide insight on Turbo I didn't mention and give a unique perspective. They also worked over the course of a YEAR on that video!! Show some support ! I'm A Sad Weeb and this has been my analysis/rant ^_^

[madam-o]

Inside Out 2 (minor spoilers)

This one was a lot more successful as a sequel than other recent Pixar attempts (I'm looking at you, Ralph Breaks the Internet). Emotionally it felt accurate to the original. My favorite thing is, again, watching Riley herself dealing with simple everyday life problems. She's a very likable everyperson who can represent pretty much anyone with any kind of sexuality or gender identity. Her experiences are never limited specifically to cishet girls of whatever age. I was expecting there to be a whole Mean Girls vibe going on in the plot, but these movies are much better at representing real kids than that. It's a franchise that shows a lot of kindness and empathy to all of its characters.

The new emotions all make sense in the context of the story. I love Envy and Embarrassment a lot. They're just freaking adorable. Ennui is fun. Nostalgia's kinda whatever. I just wish those emotions had some more stuff to do.

Anxiety is the one in the spotlight here, and she's the best thing this film does. She's the Toy Story 2's Jessie of Inside Out 2. The whole film could only be about her and it would still be great. The way she looks and behaves is perfect. She's like Fear on steroids. I don't think I'll ever get over her very 70's sweater and bell bottom corduroys ensemble.

The only place the movie falls down is in some of its writing. A lot of the new characters we meet in the brain just don't work as comedic relief. The elements of the brain introduced in the first film were a lot more funny and creative. I like some of the new concepts and the animation on them is quite impressive, but the secret vault characters just don't really do much for me. The jokes were not nearly as sharp as in the original, and, in fact, the writing was overall less insightful and moving. The emotion characters from the first film, who I haven't even mentioned yet, do a serviceable job but don't develop or change in any huge way.

But I mean, generally it's a decent sequel. Definitely worth watching. It's just not as good as the first one. Maybe when they inevitably make the third one, the whole thing will get elevated there.

[frie-ice]

This crossover Pixar ship between Merida and Randall Boggs was created by @twisting-echo, who also ships Belle from Beauty and the Beast with Sulley. Making both cross Disney ships be of a Disney Princess x Pixar Monster. I wonder what other DP x PM ships she could come up with? I know that thaliasonata has crack-shipped some Monsters, Inc. monsters with characters from Encanto. To be honest Monsters, Inc. wasn't my favourite Pixar film just as Randy here wasn't my favourite character, but I did enjoy Monsters University and was surprised how nice and awkward young college Randall was. I think that's why I have developed a bit of a soft spot for this ship. Twisting-Echo also stated that if Randy remained friends with Mikey and never started to resent Sulley, he might have never turned bad at all. Most of Twisting-Echo's edits and moodboards/collages have used MU Randy and Merida's cameo from Ralph Breaks the Internet, that's why I focused on those versions of them for the collage. It is a gift for @twisting-echo. This ship has gone by "Meridall", "DunBoggs" and "Chase the Winds of Change".

[secretsocietyofgamejumpers]

Grace’s Post-RBTI Headcanons

One thing I didn’t like as much about the Sugar Rush Racers books from 2023 is that they were explicitly set after Ralph Breaks the Internet, but we really didn’t get to see much of how things changed back at the arcade ever since Vanellope made her decision to stay in Slaughter Race (Ex. How did her relationship to the Sugar Rush racers change? Who’s president now? Etc.) So, here are my headcanons about what happened after Vanellope left.

Sour Bill became president of Sugar Rush. Vanellope chose him 1) because he is the most knowledgeable about ruling the kingdom, having served under two leaders of the game, and 2) because she was afraid there would be a bloodbath if she offered the job to any of the other racers.

When Gene found out about Sour Bill’s new position of power, the two formed a bond. Gene invited Sour Bill to come to Niceland Apartments in the evenings to discuss political strategy (that’s why Gene was carrying him at the end)

Felix took Vanellope leaving perhaps harder than Ralph did—mostly because he felt guilty that he and Calhoun had grown apart from the kid, but also because he felt the responsibility to keep positive for Ralph’s sake. Ralph found Felix crying on his brick pile one night and invited him into his shack for a drink and a chat. The experience helped them grow closer than they’d ever been before.

Calhoun, meanwhile, didn’t seem to be taking the loss so hard. However, one night she opened up to Felix that she was afraid that, like Vanellope, he was bored of the routine of his life, and might even be bored of her. Felix reassured her that would never happen—and that coming home to Calhoun is the most exciting thing to happen to him every day.

Vanellope loved her new friends, the Slaughter Race Five, but no one could replace the friends she’d made at the arcade.

When she first arrived in Slaughter Race, she cried herself to sleep every night over whether she made the right decision. Butcher Boy was always there to lend a meaty shoulder to cry on. (Inspired by the Sugar Rush Racers books.)

Debbie is a tattoo artist when not racing. Vanellope often hangs around her studio, helping her come up with new designs. Also, Debbie created the candy apple design on her car.

Felony is the punk rocker in the Slaughter Race crew. She makes mixtapes for the other four and was stoked to make one for Vanellope. Also, she writes her own music in her spare time, and Vanellope loves to jam out with her.

Pyro is the prankster, and he and Debbie have a sort of friendly rivalry when it comes to pranks. They enjoy filming their pranks on each other and posting it to BuzzzTube, and Vanellope loves to join Pyro in getting back at Debbie. She also enjoys watching Yesss give play-by-plays of the vids.

The Sugar Rush steering wheel didn’t arrive for a few more days after Ralph returned, so Felix and Calhoun still had the racers in their apartment during gameplay hours. Calhoun came up with a foolproof solution: get someone less crucial to their game to babysit the Racers. It was a win-win situation…just not for Markowski!

[yippeecheapdvds]

On Friday I suffered throh "Ralph Breaks the Internet" (2018) Sic-Fi/Adventure

God I hated this. I knew i was going to hate it. I didn't want to watch it, but my friend wanted to do a double feature where we watched the original movie and it's sequel so she dragged me down with her 😭I tried to open my mind to the possibility that it could be at least ok, and it started out mid, but the longer it went on the worse and worse it got and the more I hated it. I did have some fun tearing it apart with my friend but it still hurt to watch and for most of the movie i was audibly groaning to drown out the cringe dialogue or gripping my head and screaming "NOOOOOO"

Shit I liked:

The squareheaded Mr Litwack. it was cute. also seeing his office.

Learning that the arcade is located in Sothern California

the green pop up ad guy and Knowsmore.

The little part where Ralph went to the old internet, and it had signs like "y2k" and "dial up" covered in dust.

The way the player characters moved in Slaughter Race

the chase sequence in Slaughter race. made me think for a second that I could actually like this movie.

Uhhhhh yah that's it

Shit i have mixed feelings about:

Felix and Calhoon were barely in the movie. Turbo wasn't in it at all. Sad that I didn't get much/any of my favorite characters but good thing they were barely/not here so the movie didn't have much/any time to ruin them.

The giant ralph monster was creepy as hell which like, good job on that but conceptually I hated it.

Shit i fucking hated, sorted by how mad it made me:

The way they made the internet super squeaky clean, only full of cat videos. like i know why they did it but it comes off as super fake.

The insults ralph was reading were all super lame.

Ralph going viral was stupid as shit

the pancake bunny. vile.

The friendship break up was stupid as shit. Ralph was hella dumb and acted like a kid i hated it.

the way they desaturated the colors in sugar rush to make it seem boring and less appealing. i saw that. fuck you.

most of the dialogue was hella cringe and hurt to listen to.

ralph game jumping in the middle of the day to make Vanelope that track. couldn't you have just waited untill after hours???????? fucking idiot.

the fucking missed potential??? we could have had a movie where they like visit internet games and feel like arcades are fading in relevancy, or had them meet versions of themselves from like emulators or other arcades or something; like seeing a Ralph that did go turbo, a Turbo that diden't, a Vanelope who never had trauma. it really felt like whoever wrote this movie didn't care about the original film and just picked out a stock kid's movie conflict that spat in the face of the original move's themes and meseging.

the oh my disney section, and the princesses. just all of it. easily one of the most painfull parts of the whole movie.

The way Ralph acted the entire godam movie. they completely threw out his characterization and character development in the last movie and had him acting like a creepy tween. WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM SO STUPID???

the idea that Vanellope 'belongs in slaughter race' is a travesty for multiple reasons one of wich being that SHE'S 9 and that game is almost certainly teen and up.

The WAY VAN ACTED OH MY GOD GIRL she spent the entire last movie trying to belong in sugar rush and then she just got bored and threw it all away???? why???? WHY DID THEY MAKE HER GO TURBO I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

The fucking ending.

Congratulations RBTI, you managed to achieve the extremely rare rating of 2/10 and become the second worst movie I've ever seen. Don't see this. forget it exists.

[king-crawler]

Wreck it Ralph as a franchise is so strange. The first film represents everything i ADORE in a movie and the second film represents everything I DESPISE in a movie

The more details I learn about Wreck-it Ralph, the more it BLOWS MY MIND and the more I love and appreciate it. This film was so meticulously crafted with so much nerdy love and effort and the characters are written incredibly. There’s so much foreshadowing and little details you’d never notice on a first viewing, and it’s just so clever in every aspect. Everything just feels so natural, the dialogue, the world- I could go on about how much I love it for hours

Meanwhile Ralph Breaks the Internet is Disney’s Emoji Movie… the more I (unfortunately) learn about it the more disappointed I become. And also it’s already so outdated it’s painful. No- It was outdated when it was made. SOMEHOW. A movie about the MODERN ERA. Is MORE OUTDATED than a MOVIE ABOUT ARCADE GAMES!!? Stopping myself so I don’t rant for paragraphs. I haven’t even seen it in full because I know that watching it would break me LOL

I know they had concepts of Ralph traveling to the internet in the first film that they had to cut because it was too much to add an entirely new world. (Thank god)

I know this has been covered Extensively before. But It just continues to baffle me how this even happened. And saddens me. (Especially now that Wish is a thing) Sure it’s the same characters, but every little thing that made the original GREAT is just. Absent or downgraded at worst. And it was the same director… did something happen? Or was a sequel always going to be bad because corporate executives insisted on the vision of “Internet Crossover” cuz of how much they could self advertise and get product placement money and. Yeah.

At this point I’m just happy the first movie was as good as it is and we just have to leave it at that. Even though the missed potential Deeply Hurts me💔

[legendary-defender-of-fandoms]

You want to know the worst thing about Ralph Breaks the Internet?

It wasn’t the already-dated Internet jokes & references - we all knew going in that stuff was never going to work.

It wasn’t the new characters - honestly, they’re all fine (except maybe Double Dan - Alfred Molina deserves better!).

It wasn’t the exclusion of Felix & Calhoun (my delusional ass is still waiting for a short film about the two raising the Sugar Rush racers.)

It wasn’t even the thousands of details they ignored, retconned, or forgot from the original Wreck-it Ralph (Fix-it Felix Jr. was THIRTY years old when Ralph met Vanellope, Vanellope ABDICATED HER THRONE in favor of a constitutional democracy so everyone in Sugar Rush would have a say in how the game was run, Sugar Rush was a two-seater racing game, etc.)

No, the absolute, positively, undeniably worst thing Ralph Breaks the Internet did was tarnish & distort Ralph so thoroughly it made us all question if the original movie was even that good to begin with.

Everything else in Ralph Breaks the Internet could be forgiven or overlooked. But what they did to Ralph is just baffling. He was never going to be mistaken for a Rhodes scholar in the first movie, but he WAS smarter than the doofus who couldn’t even name a graduation cap in the sequel.

Wasn’t he?

And he wasn’t a gross slob by choice - he HATED living in the dump (I believe his exact words were “NOT cool! Unhygienic, and lonely! And boring.”) but he was kind of stuck there because the game literally left him nowhere else to stay. That’s why in the epilogue he decided to finally make something of his situation by building himself a proper shack instead of just camping on the bricks.

Wasn’t it?

And Ralph had many flaws in the first film - he had a short temper, he was a little clumsy, he broke things by accident just because he was a little too strong or things weren’t made for someone with his physical abilities in mind, he was stubborn, he had a one-track mind and couldn’t be deterred from his short-term goals no matter the long-term consequences. But the one thing he WASN’T was insecure. He knew his own strengths & weaknesses, and he wasn’t trying to change himself to win anyone’s approval. He was just trying to find VALIDATION, a way to satisfy the small-minded Nicelanders and prove to them (and himself) that he had value as he was.

Wasn’t he?

I’m terrified to rewatch the original movie now because I’m afraid the Wreck-it Ralph in my head is based on lies & fanfics, and the real Wreck-it Ralph was ALWAYS some insecure doofus with no accountability or self reflection.

And you know the absolutely insane part? Disney is doing their absolute darndest to pretend Ralph doesn’t exist. AND HE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER OF HIS OWN IP!!!!! There’s a new chapter book series about Vanellope & some of the Sugar Rush Racers getting stuck in a little girl’s tablet, and Ralph’s ONLY appearance so far is a line-drop in the first book when Vanellope says she left him sleeping in Game Central Station while all the consoles were unplugged for a remodeling of Litwak’s Arcade. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Remember how EVERYONE in the first movie lost their shit at the possibility of their game being unplugged, treating it like an Apocalypse? Remember how even the sequel did a halfway decent job reminding folks that having a game unplugged was a Big Deal? Now everyone’s just chill axing on vacation in Game Central Station (which is NOT BIG ENOUGH to hold every single game character - it could barely fit the Sugar Rush citizens when they got unplugged) and Ralph is snoozing in a corner while his daughter is accidentally whisked away to some girl’s tablet.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!

The Wreck-it Ralph from the first movie wouldn’t be asleep in a corner when he could be spending time with Vanellope. And THAT man would go through Hell & high water to find her! While Vanellope & her gang are helping Molly (the kid with the tablet) learn about friendship & camping or whatever, Ralph should be an absolute MENACE online, tearing through every website, personal device, and Cloud account looking for his little girl!

Right? Wrong?

Did we all delude ourselves into thinking Ralph was deeper than he was intended to be? Or does Disney just hate Wreck-it Ralph now? And if it’s the latter, why? WHY do they hate him? Why do they want US to not care about him? Is it because he’s the last of the Lasseter projects? Did John C. Reilly and Bob Iger have some sort of falling-out? Did the FANBASE do something to put Disney staff off from ever wanting to do anything with Wreck-it Ralph ever again?

I think I could move on if I knew for certain whether Disney actively sabotaged Wreck-it Ralph with his sequel & subsequent exclusions from merchandise & multi-IP projects, or if I was just crazy for ever liking this character or his movie to begin with. It’s the not knowing that kills me.

[aheroinewashere]

hOpe you're having a good day!

For the music ask - 5, 14,30!

Remember to stay hydrated! -🪽🪷🪞

Hii!! :D Thank you for the ask, I am having a good day!! (Tho this is days later, I was having a good day then too!!!)

On to the music ask… This took me a while because I have so many songs that I could say for both 5 and 30 that it took me a minute to go through them. Even then, I couldn’t completely limit it to one song, so I’m giving up a few other songs as bonuses for me being late 😅

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD?

I have so many songs that I can put here, from Sum 41 to Owl City. I also just play all my music on the highest volume. (Hey, I live with loud people. If I don’t play them loud, I will end up hearing more arguing than music) so, I have decided to interpret this question as what songs I completely lose myself in when it’s on the highest volume.

Buried Alive by Creature Feature. I love this song, but it is a song about imagining yourself being buried alive that is chock full of Edgar Allan Poe references. What can I say, I love spoopy things. And the way the melody and vocals hit on the line ‘I can’t explain just how it feels’ is enough to make me forget everything for a few seconds. This one is probably very specific to me, so I’ll give you one more for this question.

Brittle Bones Nicky 3 by Rare Americans. Really, both Brittle Bones Nicky & Brittle Bones Nicky 2 are also bangers that deserve to be listened to loud, but I put Brittle Bones Nicky 3 here because it’s my favorite 😍. It’s very fun to listen to and sing, because it has a very upbeat chorus and memorable lyrics. I will never get over the lines, ‘If it cost me my life, man, I’d save my only friend. That’s something I could live with, I could take that ‘til the end’.

14. A song that you would love played at your wedding?

As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It by Lemon Demon. Ok this one’s kinda a joke. I don’t really know what I would want to play at my wedding. I think I would want songs that remind me of my first date or a Valentine’s Day where the person I would be marrying and I shared the day together. Yk, songs that remind me of good moments of the relationship. But at this point, I’m single and haven’t had a long term relationship. So…. Neil Cicierega, aka Lemon Demon, once joked in an album commentary that ‘As Your Father I Expressly Forbid It’ is the ultimate father anthem and that everyone should play it for father-daughter dances instead of the typical John Mayer song. I’m inclined to agree.

30. A song that reminds you of yourself?

Sin Eater by Penelope Scott 

Zero by image dragons

Be My Escape by Relient K

This is the question that took me sooo long. I couldn’t completely decide which song reminds me more of myself, but I was able to limit the list to three. I feel like me describing why I relate to these songs will get a bit redundant, so I’m just gonna let you listen to them.

P.S. I’m staying hydrated! I’m drink peach tea rn 🍑

[femme-foucault]

Alright "final" Oscar nom predictions:

The Oscar nominations were supposed to come out on the 17th but were pushed back due to the wildfires, so now they are out on the 23rd. I know the main story on Film Internet right now is the AI controversy with The Brutalist, but since that story didn't break until after voting ended, I don't see that controversy hurting nominations for that film. It might affect wins, but it depends. So I'm keeping it in my predictions for now.

As usual, my predictions are in alphabetical order, not by personal preference.

Best Picture: Anora, The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Dune Pt 2, Emilia Perez, A Real Pain, Sing Sing, The Substance, Wicked

Yes, I'm still hope-dicting Sing Sing. The BAFTA noms gave me some hope. Let me be delusional. It could very well be Nickel Boys instead of Sing Sing.

Director: Jacques Audiard (Emilia Perez), Sean Baker (Anora), Edward Berger (Conclave) Brady Corbet (The Brutalist), Coralie Fargeat (The Substance)

Ugh, I caved and predicted Audiard even though I'm not happy about it. I would love to see Villeneuve (Dune Pt 2) get in here but I highly doubt it. I know Fargeat is a stretch but they are going to want a woman in there because of all the pushback in the past few years and Fargeat has been nominated at a number of pre-cursors.

Best Actress in a Lead Role: Cynthia Erivo (Wicked), Karla Sofia Gascon (Emilia Perez), Mikey Madison (Anora), Demi Moore (The Substance)....and someone else idk.

No idea who that fifth slot is, but I highly doubt it's Angelina Jolie (Maria) anymore and I've taken Nicole Kidman out of my predictions too because her movie (Babygirl) has not been nominated as much as people thought it would be just a month ago. In that climate, I do think Erivo is getting in for Wicked -- she won't win, but with Jolie and Kidman out I'd be surprised if she wasn't nominated. After the Globes, maybe Fernanda Torres (I'm Still Here)?

Best Actor in a Lead Role: Adrien Brody (The Brutalist), Timothee Chalamet (A Complete Unknown), Daniel Craig (Queer), Colman Domingo (Sing Sing), Ralph Fiennes (Conclave)

Craig is the one I am weakest on but we'll see.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Jamie Lee Curtis (The Last Showgirl), Ariana Grande (Wicked), Felicity Jones (The Brutalist), Isabella Rossellini (Conclave), Zoe Saldana (Emilia Perez)

Honestly, Saldana and Grande are the only ones I am 100% sure of. It's a two-woman race there, but anyone else could be nominated. Now I have finally seen The Brutalist, I think Jones is this year's Emily Blunt -- the "tag along" nomination that accompanies two competitive acting performances in a best picture front runner (even though The Brutalist is much more divisive than Oppenheimer and I think a weaker movie (I was with it right up until the last 20 minutes, which I wasn't a fan of)). Selena Gomez might get in for EP if that movie over-performs even though she was terrible in that movie but being terrible has never stopped them from nominating someone before.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Yura Borisov (Anora), Kieran Culkin (A Real Pain), Edward Norton (A Complete Unknown), Guy Pearce (The Brutalist), Jeremy Strong (The Apprentice)

I put Borisov in because he keeps being nominated at precursors, though if anyone misses, it's him, not Pearce -- even though Pearce didn't get nominated at SAG. I have fiiiiiinally taken out Clarence Maclin even though he gave my favorite male supporting role of the year because Sing Sing is not getting the love it deserves :(

Adapted Screenplay: A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Dune Pt 2, Emilia Perez, Sing Sing

I am going on a limb and guessing Dune Pt 2, even though I don't think the first one got in. I think Conclave wins here.

Original Screenplay: Anora, A Real Pain, The Substance....Idk what else, but Anora is probably winning. Especially because it looks like Emilia Perez might be winning Best Picture noooooooooooo so I could see it being like last year, where the two screenplay awards go to movies that weren't winning anything else that they wanted to award.

No real guesses for all the techies because there is always a few tech categories in something that I haven't seen. I think Dune Pt 2 is going to be nominated in many tech categories, but I still think Wicked is probably winning Costume and Production Design (though pre-AI controversy, I could have seen The Brutalist taking the latter) unless Emilia Perez just really over-performs.

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Insufferable Comic Relief Round 3

Propaganda why Sisu is an insufferable Comic Relief:

"fancy mysterious dragon acts like a toddler on sugar"

"This film could have been so much better if the titular dragon was actually sincere and majestic instead of just an Awkwafina comedy routine in dragon form (which looks more like "what if Elsa made a My Little Pony OC" than an actual SEAsian-inspired dragon anyway). This character is not the ONLY thing damaging the film but the most ear-grating for sure. It's so bad that I literally felt nothing when Sisu was killed at the climax, which is probably not what the film was going for but she's SO INSUFFERABLE"

"I don’t know if she counts since she’s one of the main characters, but I hate her so much. Her voice, her “humor”, the fact that she never stops talking the entire movie, and the fact that she tells the message of the movie directly to the audience and we’re supposed to just take it at her word since she’s a main character (and the message is harmful to add insult to injury.) cheered when she died, like actually, out loud. I think that alone says enough."

"I watched TEN MINUTES of this and oh boy I kind of hate her!! Her design is ugly and uninspired! She could’ve taken more elements of Japanese culture??

Sisu makes jokes that don’t make sense considering the time period she’s in. They’re very outdated and incredibly cringe-worthy EVEN BACK THEN (like Ralph breaks the internet)

She also keeps nagging Raya and this is awful because she’s one of two main characters present. I could NOT sit through this movie."

Propaganda why The Minions are insufferable Comic Reliefs:

"theres literally nothing funny about them and they have 8 billion movies. why is this timeline so cruel"

"Extremely obnoxious (loud, never funny, badly designed) in the films themselves, AND made purely to sell toys/merchandise, AND spawned an unholy genre of Facebook mom memes"

"I hate their voices. I hate their Minion speak. I hate that they've been co-opted by conservative moms who would freak out over a single penny being added to the tab. They look hideous. They take up screentime that could be given to more interesting characters. They did not need whole movies dedicated to them."

[littlealeta]

The Remake/Sequel/Spin-off problem needs to be fixed

Many of us are tired of the remakes/sequels/spin-offs phase. Some of us might even be almost totally averse to them. But, I do want to get this off my chest in a proper blog, because I don’t think a lot of people have talked about how studios can scratch their franchise itch in a proper way. And also in a way that could’ve give them more respect than they get now.

Remake: Stuff That Actually Could've Been Better Or Expanded Upon

There are a lot of movies I’ve seen that have some clear potential underneath that never really got their chance to shine.

Examples being No Hard Feelings, The Boxtrolls, Ralph Breaks the Internet, The Adventures of Tom Thumb and Thumbelina. (They need to make another Thumbelina film anyway, it’s already been, what, at least 20 years at this point?) There’s also some anime that I think could use remakes, but Japan mostly keeps their paws off classics.

To explain why, I think these movies all have interesting premises and some kind of hook to them, but the execution turned out to be underwhelming. They're still fairly new, but maybe in another decade or so, they could be considered for a remake. But, really, I wouldn't mind hearing them being remade right now. As for expansion, something I’m thinking about is a TV show called Captain N: The Gamemaster.

I would like to see a remake or at least spin-off of that. It’s an 80s show about a guy who enters into a world of retro-gaming who can control stuff with a belt shaped like a NES controller. It’s been largely forgotten at this point, so bringing it back with newer games juxtaposed in with the retro games will also be a plus. The Great Mouse Detective also could’ve been made into a TV series.

Sequel: Stuff That Actually NEED A Sequel

I think a lot of people want sequels just to see their favorite characters again. But sometimes, that doesn’t always work, I mean look what we recently got.

All because of recent fan demand. The first movie, I believe, felt complete anyway.

There needs to be more sequels to anything that’s either ended on a cliffhanger, or could’ve used an expansion of the world and story.

Monsters vs. Aliens (another Dreamworks film and also highly underrated) ended off on a cliffhanger and could’ve used a sequel (the TV series unfortunately was underwhelming). Go back to the Madeline (Didn’t like the TV show for some reason, though but I did love the live-action one) or Eloise franchise (that had a ton of books that I don’t think got adapted). Bring those to the attention of the modern kids. Maybe go back to the Jumanji franchise WITH THE BOARD GAME and instead of being in a jungle, make it different like Zathura did where they’re like under the sea or in a desert or something.

For the spin-offs, I would kinda repeat the same things I’ve already said. Again, do spin-offs to expand the characters and/or the world. I can’t think of a movie or TV example that would work with this, so I’m just going to use a game example: Catherine.

A lot of the side characters in that one don’t get a lot of character development or depth and some of them had some interesting conflict and backstories that they were going through. I also would like to see the main character interacting with the other characters in more wholesome and complex ways outside of drinking, chatting and having conflict since we barely get any wholesomeness between them in the game. He can help out their problems and grow through each other. It would also show his bar posse as being more of friends than typical long-time acquaintances who just chill out in the bar every day.

I know studios won’t read this, but that’s what I wish would happen, even though a lot of it is most likely a pipe dream. But, you know me, it’s always fun to dream.