#Reasons for Unhappy Married Life

[astroambe]

Reasons for Unhappy Married Life | Marriage Problems

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[lovedreamer11]

Big anti hotdrhaenyra. HBO will never make me betray canon Rhaenyra.

Now the opinion is actively spreading that people showed their true colors after the release of the sixth episode of the second season of hotd. And that supposedly those who are unhappy with the changes made to the characters in the show, especially Rhaenyra, are not true fans of her and such actions insult the canon.

But I will reveal the truth. Just the opposite is true. The Rhaenyra from the show is not the real Rhaenyra. This is a faceless, stupid, selfish character.

The real Rhaenyra is a completely different person. Proud, hot-tempered, vindictive. She's not perfect. But she is more like a real person with real flaws.

Rhaenyra never had any problems with her gender. She was a woman, she admitted it. The Queen did not envy Daemon and did not dream of being born a man. Rhaenyra admired Visenya, but she was not her and did not try to become her.

I love that she didn’t care at all about the court’s opinion of her personal life, because she didn’t even try to pretend that she and Laenor were a married couple when she allowed her husband to live his life on Driftmark, surrounded by his favourites.

Rhaenyra was not a crazy nymphomaniac who fucked everything that moved. There is a possibility that their marriage to Laenor was never consummated, and sexual relations with Criston are refuted by all sources. In her life were: the father of her three children, Harwin, there is a possibility that there was Laena (I don’t really think it true, but this theory is very popular so let’s count it) and Daemon.

She really could love. Rhaenyra sent her husband to kill the man who dared to insult her sons. Rhaenyra's grief for Luke was so great that she fainted at the news of his death and did not take part in the war council. One of the factors that exacerbated the queen's paranoia was the deaths of Jace and Viserys, to which was added the alleged betrayal of her husband.

Rhaenyra insisted that Laena be cared for after her difficult birth by her personal maester, renowned for his healing skills, and she wanted Gerardys to care for Viserys' health. Out of love for her father, she did not cause any harm to Alicent, although she had every right to do otherwise.

Eustace confirms that Daemon was his niece's first love and appears to be the love of her life, as baby Aegon was conceived immediately after Laena's death and while Harwin was still alive. Even Mushroom mentions Daemon as Rhaenyra's "beloved husband", and Rhaenyra herself calls her husband "my prince" and is furious at rumors that her husband might be leaving her for a younger woman. And even if Daemon did cheat on his wife with Mysaria, Rhaenyra herself remained a faithful wife to her husband and had no other lovers during their marriage or after Daemon's death (I have a feeling the showRhaenyra will fuck showAlicent right after showJoffrey's death).

Rhaenyra loved her family. She loved her so much that it almost destroyed her. And I think that one of the reasons why Rhaenyra did not follow her sister's example after escaping from the capital was her love for her last living child, Aegon.

ShowRhaenyra doesn't care about anyone but herself. She has already forgotten about her dead children and is now running around the island with a dissatisfied face, dreaming of becoming a man and apparently looking for someone who fuck her. She was ready to give the Hightowers, the people who discussed her murder in episode nine, her youngest sons, without even consulting the father of her children. She went to the capital to negotiate peace with murderers, traitors and usurpers, without thinking about the negative consequences for her family.

ShowRhaenyra demands advice from the lords, but rejects all advice offered. She's hysterical and doesn't offer anything herself.

ShowRhaenyra left her father to rot alone for six years and remembered his existence, only then did she need her trash to be cleaned up after her.

ShowRhaenyra didn't get sex from showDaemon in episode four, so she went and fucked the first man she could find. This was not the act of the girl boss or a progressive woman (as black fans of the show believe) or a rapist (as green fans of the show believe), it was the act of an idiot who, being the heir to the throne in a patriarchal and misogynistic world, decided to put her reputation at risk for the sake of the man, and she didn't even love him so much. She has no right to say that showDaemon destroyed her reputation. Yes, I agree, the situation with the brothel was his fault, but it was not showDaemon who put showCriston in his niece’s bed and it was not he who advised her to give birth to obvious bastards for ten years.

At the beginning of the sixth episode of the first season, she scolded showLaenor for having the audacity to give a name to her son, and then in the next scene she shouted at showLaenor that her bastards were his sons and he should be their father and obliged to help her get out from the hole she dug for herself.

ShowMysaria talked about how she was sexually assaulted and what is your blessed girl boss doing? She immediately tries to "comfort" the other woman by starting a sexual relationship and uses showMysaria just like all the other men in her life. If Matt had been on Emma place, ​​the poor man would have been stoned and accused of harassment.

And of course, how can one not remember that the real Rhaenyra was a style icon in Westeros, preferring purple and maroon colors, Myrish lace, diamonds and pearls? The showrhaenyra wore garbage bags in the first season and cheap robes in the second.

Every time any fans support changes to the show and insist that the show is more canon than the book, they insult the true Rhaenyra.

This is the true Rhaenyra Targaryen. She and only she.

Not Milly, not Emma. Their character is a terrible daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend and queen. Sara and Ryan wrote their own fanfic and made show about it. And in a freak accident, they gave the characters in the show the same names that GRRM gave the characters in his books.

[lovincherries]

Choose Me

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ THE BACK STORY, THERE WILL BE A NOTE WHERE THE SMUT STARTS!

summary: you want Aaron to choose you, so you show him why you're worth choosing.

a/n: I'M BACKKKKKK this is probs gonna flop because i haven't written anything in so long, but i couldn't resist!!! this feels like a mess, i'm sorry i just had to get this idea out of my mind. Maybe I'll make a part two if this does well?

warnings: smut, cheating, light daddy kink, and very light, almost non-existent breeding kink.

word count:

I did get inspiration from @sgrantsgf, her writings heavily inspired my choice to make his wife a bitch!!!

You met him on the set of Bullet Train, you were his hair and makeup artist (not that he needed any makeup at all). He was so easy to talk to and so handsome. You couldn't resist his charm, not that you tried whatsoever. It was innocent flirting at first, him complimenting you on small things and you receiving it with a smile. Then, you became friends, him confiding in you with the problems in his marriage, his unhappiness in life, and that's when you knew whatever was going to happen with him was going to hurt you in the long run. You would confide in him too, with your dreams to travel, your hopes, and aspirations in life. He asked for your number soon, concealing his need to talk to you with the excuse that if there were ever an emergency, he would personally want to let you know that he wasn't coming. He would text you and call you whenever the nights became too lonely so far away from home, you relished in his late-night raspy voice, wishing it was so desperately next to you.

"It's late Aaron," you managed to whisper out, your own exhaustion peeking through your soft voice. Your bed felt especially lonely tonight as you two talked about whatever crossed your mind, it amazed you that you both always found something to talk about.

"I know love," his voice rasped out, "I just can't get enough of you."

Those were the type of comments that caused your heart to race out of your chest, with both excitement and a tinge of guilt. Guilt for falling for a married man, but when you thought of who he married, all the guilt left your mind.

"Then come to my room," you said before you could think about it, taking the implications of this phone call to be officially inappropriate. You could excuse everything else, pretend that it was just friendly conversation, but what you said was beyond that.

"Okay, I'll be there in five minutes," he said before abruptly hanging up. Any ounce of tiredness left your body at the sound of the phone call ending. You had to pinch yourself to make sure that what just happened was real, that it wasn't some crazy, sleep-induced hallucination.

Your body shot up from your hotel bed, rushing to go to the mirror. You looked at your messy hair and oversized pajamas with horror, you were so unprepared for him to agree to some meaningless flirty remark that you didn't even mean to make.

You did your best to comb your unruly hair, brushing your teeth just in case anything happened, which you secretly hoped that it would.

Your heart dropped to your stomach when you heard the fast pace knock on the door. Every square inch of your skin buzzing with excitement for what might come. You did your best to stop your hands from shaking as you opened the door, but you couldn't stop a small gasp from escaping your lips when you saw him standing there. His brown curls were unruly in the best way, and his blue eyes filled with an emotion you had never seen in them before.

smut starts here

"Hi," you spoke quietly, unable to look away from the masterpiece that he was. You opened the door to invite him to step in, fearing that anyone would see him come into your hotel room at 12:30 am. You knew the cast members spoke about the glances you gave each other, this would give them that much more of a reason to talk, to tell his wife what you two had been up to. You quickly shook the thought of repercussions out of your head, solely focusing your attention on him.

"Hey, love," he said, stepping in, a slight smirk finding itself on his face. He saw the heat rise on your cheeks, noticed how your breath picked up in pace after staring at him for a few moments, but most of all he noticed your nipples poking through the thin fabric of your shirt. He closed the door behind him as you looked up at him with your big, innocent, doe eyes. All he could think about were those eyes staring up at him as his cock was shoved in your mouth. He could not stop himself, his hand grazing your jaw, forcing you to look him in the eyes. His stare was intense, his blue eyes held a hunger in them.

"I'm surprised you came," you spoke, leaning into his electrifying touch. It wasn't till he pulled his hand away that you realized how much you liked it, how much you wanted his hands all over you.

"Don't be, I've been waiting for you to ask me for weeks," he said. Your thoughts raced; he wanted you just as much as you wanted him? It was unbelievable to you that he could want you in the same way. His face was slowly leaning down to yours, his nose nudging your own.

"Really?" You asked, your voice husky with something primal. His lips nudged yours, a soft gasp falling from your mouth as he backed you into the corner. His hands now tracing the curve of your waist, holding you merely inches from his body.

"Mhmm, thought I was about to have to beg for it," he whispered against your lips. You couldn't stand the teasing anymore; you connected your lips finally. All the late-night phone calls, all the innocent brushes, and all the not-so-innocent comments finally came to a head. The feeling of him pressing against you was like euphoria, his lips soft, but his kiss hard and needy. As soon as you pressed your lips into his, he pressed back and hard. Your hands left your side in a frenzy, all thoughts about his wife and kids leaving your head, lust being the only thing that remains. Your hands found his face, the rough stubble a stark contrast to your soft hands. His lips felt like home, warm, and inviting. His hands gripped your shirt tightly, bunching it up in a fist. The warmth of his body radiated against yours.

He pressed you against the wall, freeing his hands from your shirt, he lifted your leg and wrapped it around his hips. The stretch burned the muscle on your inner thighs, but you could not find it in you to care. You wanted him as close to you as possible, needed him to be close to you. You let out a gasp when you felt the outline of his cock against your folds, the size of it evident through his pants. His lips detached from yours, kissing his way down your jaw. The action sent tingles straight down your vagina, which was surely soaking at this point. You wouldn't be surprised if there were a wet spot on his boxers. His other hand grasped one of your breasts, hard, to the point it was almost painful, it should have been painful.

He began to suck on your neck lightly, hard enough to leave a light bruise. He was mumbling incoherently; you could only pick up bits and pieces of what he was saying.

"All mine," he said, lust deepening his voice, "want everyone to know." The words only heightened your excitement, even if they weren't true. Even if everyone couldn't know what you had, you couldn't find it in you to care at this moment. You only cared about him and what he was about to give you.

The sensation of his lips on your neck left you feeling restless, empty, only one thing could ease the burning in the pit of your stomach.

"Bed," you managed to mumble, "to-to the bed." Your voice begged, you sounded pitiful but you didn't care about that.

He lifted you up, carrying you to your bed. He put you down gently, his hips finding their home in between yours. He rutted into you, his cock rubbing against your clit despite the clothes. Your hands found their way to the hem of his shirt, seemingly on their own. You lifted it up, needing to be close to him. He pulled away from you for the first time since the kiss started, pulling his own shirt from his body. The sight of his torso was that of a Greek God, he was gorgeous.

"So pretty," the words fell from your lips before you could think about it. He laughed, which left you feeling embarrassed at what you said.

"I should be telling you that," he said, his fingers grazing your burning cheeks as you looked up to him. He leaned down to you again, his lips grazing your ear.

"I'm so hard for you," he groaned into your ear, "it aches." He grabbed your hand, letting it graze his cock. Your hands found the band of his sweatpants, pulling down the soft material to reveal his cock.

You gasped at the size, not expecting it to be so big. He laughed again at your reaction, but you were too focused on his size to begin to care about being embarrassed. You grasped it, slowly stroking his cock, your thumb grazing his sensitive tip. A gasp left his mouth as you smeared the pre-cum all over his cock. It was now your turn to laugh at his reaction, holding the power in your hands.

His hands found their way to the hem of your shirt now, lifting it over your head as your breasts bounced at freedom. You were now left in your small pajama shorts that left nothing to the imagination. You continued to stroke his cock and enjoyed watching him struggle to hold his composure. The veins in his neck flexed as you gripped his dick harder.

You leaned up closer to him, scattering light kisses all over his neck. You wanted to leave bruises like he did on you, but you knew you couldn't which only left a sour taste in your mouth.

"N-no more," he moaned out. Tearing your hands away from him, you feared that he didn't want to do this with you anymore. He stood up from the bed, his cock bouncing against his stomach as he did. He grasped your thin shorts and panties in his hands, tearing them away from your body quickly.

He stood there, staring at your completely naked body as you looked up at him. You crossed your legs and lightly held your breasts to try and hold onto some sort of modesty that was long gone. The burning of your cheeks only came back 5 times more intense now. His hungry stare seemed to crawl under your skin, leaving you clueless as to how you should feel.

He began to stroke his cock at the sight of you, a deep hunger on his face as he looked down at you.

"You think you could take me right now, y/n?" He asked, a sadistic hint behind the tone of his voice. You could feel the slickness between your folds, the agonizing lust that settled in the pit of your stomach. Without saying a word, you opened your legs to him, proving that you could. You brought your own hand down to your folds, beginning to circle your sensitive clit.

"Y-yes, Aaron," you moaned seductively. Your eyes shut tight at the intense feeling of your clit, your mind going blank from pleasure. It wasn't till you felt his presence above you, till he ripped his hands away from your clit, till he brought his lips to your fingers, licking the slick that was stuck to your fingers.

"So good," he moaned at the taste of you. His own hand now replacing where yours once was, circling your clit harshly.

"I think you could take me too," he said roughly grabbing his dick to slide in between your folds. The feeling of his hot cock against your smooth folds had you feeling insane. You jutted your hips against his in hopes that he would go where you wanted him to be.

"I want to take my time," he said softly, his hands grazing your body. It left you feeling mad at him for being so close, yet so far at the same time. You tried to move your hips once more, but he held them down. His cock sat in between your folds, not moving an inch as he admired you. He brought his lips down to your breast, sucking on your nipple. The sensation caused your hips to jut up, hips tip grazing your entrance. You whined out in need, need for him to be inside of you.

His lips on your breasts only caused you to need him more, need him inside of you.

"Please, please, please," you begged, not recognizing your own voice. You brought his head up to yours, attaching your lips to his, in hopes that he would listen to your plead. His tip was right at your entrance, and in his moment of weakness, you lifted your hips enough to where he sunk into you. You moaned at the feeling of him inside of you, ready for more. He pulled away from your lips, his forehead now resting against yours. He was trying so hard to control himself, to not hurt you.

You moaned in his ear; he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He plunged further inside of you with a determination you had never felt before. You had never been this full before. You gasped at the mixture of pain and pleasure.

"S-so tight," he stuttered out as his hips moved, plunging in and out of you. All semblance of control long forgotten the only thing he could think of was the home that he found in between your legs. "Squeezing me so good," he moaned out.

The feeling of him inside of you was something you had never felt, it was perfect like you were made to have him inside of you. His pace quickened, like something you had never felt before. Your hands scratched his back, not knowing what to do with the pressure that was building in the pit of your stomach.

"Aaron," you moaned loudly, going insane for the pleasure he was giving you. He was now kissing your neck and grasping at your breasts, the pleasure was intense and over-stimulating. You had never, ever felt anything like it before,

Your hands found their way in his hair, a need to grab and hold onto something.

"y/n," he rasped out, "God y/n. Should've done this sooner, never felt like this in my life." He was so obviously pussy drunk on you, and you couldn't help but be proud of the way you made him feel.

"'M gonna cum in you, fill ya up," he moaned out, his words being cut short. The intensity of his thrusts only building the bubble in the bottom of your stomach, his praise only sending you further into oblivion.

"Please," you begged, for what? You didn't know. You wrapped your legs around him, wanting him closer, needing him closer to you. His hand reached down in between where you two met, he began playing with your clit. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head at the pleasure he was giving you.

"Aaron, Aaron, Aaron," you chanted his name in praise of him. No one had ever made you feel this good, ever.

"Cum for me darling, squeeze me," he demanded, his quick pace matching his fingers. Your arousal was seeping onto the covers, a squelching noise coming from where you two were colliding.

You finished with spasms, the bubble in the bottom of your abdomen popping finally. You milked him, wanting him to find his own release too. Your body was limp in a daze as he held your hips up, still fucking into you. Your body was weak and sore from the power of his thrusts, your mind hazy with a finish like you had never had before.

"Finish in me," you moaned out at the sensitivity you were feeling, "please daddy," you begged without thinking of what you were saying, if he would even like it.

His pace picked up even more, if it was possible, letting out grunts and groans of effort as he used your body in the best possible way. You could beg for this feeling every day for the rest of your life,

He finished, thrusting into you, hard. You could've sworn he hit your cervix, pressing right up against it as he finished, both of you worn out by your orgasms.

"Did so good for me darling," he said, waking you up from your light sleep. "Gotta clean you up now."

He slowly withdrew from you, a whine and groan leaving your mouth from the soreness that was already forming. It was only now, with your head clear that you realized what you had done. You slept with a married man, albeit an unhappy one, but he was married nonetheless.

Your whole demeanor had changed, but you didn't want Aaron to see the regret on your face. There was no regret in doing what you had done, but rather, you had fallen in love with him and there was nothing you could do about it now.

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[boldlyvoid]

Bigger than the Whole Sky | Part One: Peter Losing Wendy

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Summary: Reader has been with the BAU for 2 months when she walks into the bullpen with a fat lip and a bloody nose. Her husband's been keeping secrets and breaking her heart for almost a decade now. However, it takes her 10 minutes to decide she's done with him.

Aaron has been harbouring a crush on our dear reader for as long as she's been on the team... he knew it would never go anywhere when she was married, but that crush goes from a hopeless dream to a heartstopping love faster than he could say "be mine."

Warnings: spousal abuse (physical and mental), infertility, self-esteem issues, friends to lovers, divorce meetings

word count: 8.1k

fic Masterlist

When she transferred to the BAU, everyone knew she had a husband. The thing no one knew was that her marriage was dangerously close to falling apart. No one ever suspected it in her personal life, however, in a room full of profilers… she couldn’t hide the problems for long. 

At this point, the BAU had gone through enough female profilers to know that there was no telling what was going on in their personal lives. Between JJ’s secret time at the Pentagon and Emily’s time with the CIA, they had no reason to suspect their newest agent was in an unhappy marriage… especially not one where she had been trying to get pregnant for years and gaslit the whole time that it was her fault that they couldn’t conceive. 

Peter, her husband, was happy to start trying in the beginning, they ditched condoms a few months into their relationship and she discarded her birth control a few months after they tied the knot. At first, the sex was fun, the first handful of negative tests just caused them to fuck more often and in different positions and times of the day… then the heartbreak settled in as her friends and family around her age started popping out babies while she only saw negatives. 

This went on for years. 8 years to be exact. 8 years of monthly devastation means her heart was broken 72 times and Peter never cared. Each month he told her to get over it and try again… It wasn’t until she brought up going to a fertility specialist that her he finally snapped at her. He said she could go, she could get her hostile uterus checked and get the broken title while he stayed at home. He refused to test his sperm, he refused to go to appointments, he said IVF was a waste of money and a surrogate was too “unnatural” for him to feel comfortable. He didn’t even want to adopt or foster. 

For a year she left it alone. Too busy with work, she put her focus into trying to climb the corporate ladder and land her dream job with the BAU. There, she made friends, she made connections, too… JJ gave her the number for a fertility specialist that she was seeing in private and Y/N made the appointment. 

“Hey, Pete!” She called from her closet as she got ready for work. 

“What?” He showed up in the doorway, buttoning his shirt. “I have to leave, the markets are open already.” 

“I know… I made you an appointment at the fertility specialist I talked to you about, it's tonight at 6. All you have to do—

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He blew up, turning redder than a stop sign. “I said I wasn’t going to one of these fucking—

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” She yells louder, “They said it’s not me, I’m fine, it’s clearly you—

He charged her, pushing her against the organizing cabinet and holds her there by her throat, “I’m not fucking broken.”

“No?” She croaks out, afraid but trying not to show it. Treating him like an unsub. “Seems to me like you are. Maybe we shouldn’t have any fucking kids if you’re going to be so controlling.” 

The words hurt enough and then he swung, he let go of her throat and punched her right in the mouth, hoping to shut her up. It was just 1 punch but it felt like an earthquake, taking her dreams and turning them into nothing but rubble. He jumps back, realizing what he just did, and his whole body shook with rage.

She remembers it in slow motion. The crunch of cartilage in her nose, the rush of blood down to her lips that caused her hand to come up and cup her chin saving her white shirt from an inevitable stain… if it wasn’t the bloody nose that ruined her white dress shirt, it was the way he ripped her heart out of her chest and threw it on the ground with the rest of her broken dreams. 

He didn’t even apologize. He just stares at his hand, “Do you see what you’ve made me do? I was never going to be the husband who hit his wife. I was never going to become my father. If you didn’t push and push and push to have fucking kids we wouldn’t be here, Y/N! Do you want to know the truth?? Why we haven’t had kids yet? I had a fucking vasectomy before we met. Okay?! Is that want you wanted the doctors to tell you? I don’t want your fucking kids!!! I don’t even want you anymore!” 

“Okay,” is all she says. Her eyes are wide and her breathing is heavy. She’s stuck there, frozen in the moment. She can’t believe that just happened. “Okay.” She repeats, mainly to calm herself.

She can’t say anything else. She just watches him turn and leave, she hears him gather his things and then the front door slams. He’s gone. Just like that, he’s gone. 

At that moment she decided she couldn’t do this. The gaslighting, the name calling, the loneliness… for almost a decade of marriage, she’s spent more time alone than with him. And not because they were working or busy with their separate friends, he just stopped spending time with her after they got married, like tying the knot made her his property and now he didn’t have to try to make her like him. Once he had her, he kept her. 

Not anymore. 

That same day was also the marker of her being with the BAU for 2 months. Everything had been ramping up to this point, she can’t lie and say she was surprised that he snapped and hit her. He’s been getting angrier and she’s been losing interest in him… all she wanted was a baby. The only person who suspected anything at work was Hotch, and in his own Hotchner way, he was dropping little hints that he knew something was going on. He’d ask her about her nights at home, he called her into his office to share takeout when he saw her at her desk well into the night, he always says he’s there for her, but she didn’t know what he meant until now. He was waiting for the day she told him about the abuse. He could sense it. 

Now that she’s staring at herself in the mirror, wondering how she could hide the bruises before work, she realizes he was trying to tell her she was a part of their family. One that would go to war for her if she needed them. So she took him up on that offer and arrived to work with her fat lip and swelling around her eyes on full display. She didn’t even change her shirt. 

“Oh, my god?” Penelope reacted first, rushing over to her with the click-clack of her heels alerting everyone in the room that she was in a hurry. She cups Y/N’s face gently, “Who did this to you?” 

“Holy shit,” Derek says a bit too loud, alerting JJ and Spencer over at their shared desk, who turn and ask “Are you okay?” At the same time.

She was already close to tears before she walked through the double glass doors of the bullpen, saying his name only made her burst into tears. “Peter, he-he—“ she buries her face in Penelope’s shoulder and lets out her cries, sobbing as reality finally hit her as well.

Penny is quick to get her up the stairs and into the briefing room, away from everyone else, she closes all the blinds and politely asks Anderson, who’s already in there, to get some ice and the first aid kit, all while Y/N takes a seat in her usual spot. “I’m so stupid, I should’ve known. I should’ve—

Derek is quick to follow them, he sits beside her and rubs her back, soothingly. “No, no, sweetheart,” Derek stops her, “It is never a woman’s fault when a cowardly man uses violence to feel powerful. No matter what you said or did, it is not your fault. This is all on him. He’s the problem.” 

“I just wanted a baby,” she admits, lip quivering. 

“Oh, honey,” Penelope’s shoulders drop and she tilts her head to the side, “he’s not the kind of man—

“I’ve been trying to get pregnant since a few weeks after our wedding and he always made it feel like it was my fault that it wasn’t working…” She takes a deep breath, shaking her head, she can’t believe this part is even true. “When in reality he had a vasectomy before we even met. He’s been infertile for the last 10 fucking years and made me feel like it was me who had the problem the whole time.” 

“Are you serious?” Penelope can’t believe it. “And he just never told you?” 

She nods, “I think he thought I’d give up trying at some point and just deal with it… but I want to be a mom. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he just never thought to tell me he didn’t want the same things. He really thought I’d just give up on my dreams like they’re nothing.” 

The icepack and first aid kit don’t show up with Anderson, instead, it’s Hotch who is standing in the doorway, listening to what’s going on before he makes himself known. He clears his throat and starts to enter. “Penelope, Derek, could you give us a minute?” 

“But— yes sir.” Penelope is quick to give up, and Derek follows suit, the two of them don’t want to leave but they know Aaron has it covered. 

“Aaron…” She doesn’t know what else to say. She feels ashamed, she wants to hide. She doesn’t want him to see her like this but then again, he’s the whole reason she showed up at work like this at all. 

He takes a seat beside her and hands her the icepack, “has he done this before?” 

She shakes her head, “no.” 

“Alright,” he believes her as he opens up the kit. “This is fresh… did it happen this morning or last night?” 

“Before he left this morning,” she answers, shaking her head as the tears start. “I made an appointment for him to go to the clinic after work and he lost it. He finally told me the truth about his vasectomy after he hit me.”

“My divorce lawyer is really good,” he explains, peeling open a bandaid for just above her eyebrow. “If we take some photos of this and document it then it’ll help with your case. Did you have a prenup?” 

She shakes her head, “no, he said we didn’t need one, we were in similar tax brackets when we got married and he said he didn’t see us ever getting a divorce anyway. I believed him.” 

“You make more money than him, now, this will ensure he can’t sue for spousal support or anything. I’m going to be frank, you need to leave him before this gets worse.” 

“I know.” 

They just stare at each other for a few moments after that. “Aaron?” 

“Yes?” 

“What am I going to do now? How do I just start all over again? I want kids and I’m already old enough, I can’t just wait to see if I fall in love again and then wait for the right time to ask them for a baby. I want kids now,” she explains. “But I can’t do it on my own, I can’t. I wanted to do it with my husband.” 

“It’s going to be hard, I won’t lie,” Aaron is honest. “But, if I can be honest… you’re beautiful and smart and when you’re ready, love will find you. I know it.” 

“Thanks,” she tries her best to believe it. It’s just hard to do right now. “What’s your lawyers name?”

“Andrea Cortez, she’s the best in the business… but if you really wanted to hurt him back, you should call all the lawyers in the area, pretend to fish around so that when he goes looking for a lawyer, everyone that’s good will have to turn him away.” 

“How do you know this?” 

“It took me a while to find someone who would take on my case,” Aaron admits. “Haley didn’t do it on purpose, she was just trying to find one who didn’t go to college with me but it ended up fucking me over in the long run… and then I found Andrea.” 

“Was it awful?” 

He shakes his head, “We didn’t go to court, we had a mediator and we settled it all ourselves. She got 70% custody, I’d see Jack on weekends and if I wanted him over spring break or during my vacation time then I just had to ask… it’s a lot harder when you have kids already.” 

“So I’ve been told…” 

“Have you thought about leaving him before?” Aaron can hear it in her voice. 

She nods, choking on a sob as she covers her face, her voice comes out in a quiver, “I just never admitted it to anyone.” 

“You have my support when you leave him. You’ll have Penelope and Derek, JJ, and Spencer, too. We’re going to be here for you while you adjust to this and we won’t ever let him hurt you again,” he says in the softest voice, he reaches out for her hand and holds it tight. “I’ll be here, especially. We can have dinner together more often and we can talk… I know how hard it is. I can be your friend through this.” 

She can’t help it, she’s so overwhelmed with emotions that she reaches over and pulls him into a hug that he gladly accepts. He rests his chin on her shoulder and holds her tight and he doesn’t plan to let go until she’s ready. 

—

A few nights later, after a week-long case, Aaron follows her home in his SUV with his gun still on his hip. He makes sure she gets into her home to pack her things without issue from Peter. She packs a few suitcases worth of clothes and Aaron helps her get them into her own car, “is this everything?” 

She nods, “Clothes wise… I’m just going to grab some of my favourite things, too,  I don’t imagine he’d break them but I also never thought he’d hit me, so.” 

“If you need to put stuff in my car, you can,” he offers as he follows her back inside. 

She uses some laundry baskets and fills them with pots, pans, throw blankets, trinkets, candles, you name it. She didn’t trust him at all, so she took almost everything that she knew was hers or just things she held dear since their wedding. As soon as it’s all in her car, she realizes just how real this is and she starts to cry again. 

“It’s okay,” Aaron runs his hand over her back. “Are you still going to stay with Penelope?” 

She nods, “Yeah, she said I can have her couch for the time being.” 

“You know what? Derek might have a place for you?” Aaron can’t help but think of when he was leaving Haley, Derek offered one of his houses that he was renovating to him. 

“How?” 

“Hold on,” Aaron digs his phone out of his pocket and calls him. “Hey… do you have any unoccupied homes right now?” 

Her eyes go wide, she didn’t know Derek as well as Hotch did, mainly because she hasn’t worked with him as long. 

“Can Y/N stay in it?… She’d really love that, thank you, Derek. We’ll meet you there… yes, you can bring Penelope,” he says with a smile before hanging up. “You’re in luck, he’s between renters on one of his properties.” 

“Aaron, thank you, really, you’ve made this so much easier than I ever thought it could be,” she can’t even express how much she appreciates him. 

“We’re a family,” he reminds her. “You can follow me, I know the way.” 

And so she does. 

It’s a quick drive, not too far from where she was living but also closer to work now too. She’s going to have to go grocery shopping and… fuck, she never even asked if this place is furnished. 

When they pull up, Aaron takes the road and she parks in the driveway, they sit on the front steps together and chat. Derek said he wouldn’t be too far behind them, he was close by but he takes longer than they expect. When he does pull up, however, he has his pickup truck and the back is full of furniture, including a mattress.

“Thank you,” she whispers so she doesn’t cry. 

“No problem… I have a storage unit with things for when I stage the homes after I flip them, you can use all of it if you want, but I thought we’d start with a bed.” 

“I literally love you,” she rushes out. 

“It’s nothing,” he brushes it off and hands her a key. “Now, while we carry in the heavy stuff, would you get the door for us?” 

“Anything for my knights in shining armour.” 

—

Hotch is a lot more open and soft than she ever expected. On the nights Jack is with his aunt— which are normally reserved for Aaron to do paperwork and stay late at the office, Arron instead, now has dinners with Y/N and watches movies with her on her new couch well into the morning. He even accompanies her to the lawyer's office to be her emotional support when recounting the years of abuse. 

And the abuse has continued even when she’s not in the same house as him or even talking to him. Peter texts her almost daily to say mean and terrible things, calling her a whore and accusing her of sleeping with someone else. He thinks that the reason she was able to leave so quickly is because she’s already with someone new… he even sends her pictures of their security footage from the night she moved out, already forgetting what her boss looked like as he accuses her of cheating with him. 

She wants to block his number but Hotch tells her not to, all the harassment will only help her case going forward. She keeps every message and Penelope prints out the text logs for her every few days to bring to her lawyer, who is astounded by what Peter is able to say every time. 

The day she had the divorce papers served to him, they were on a case in California and he called her phone 23 times. She didn’t answer any of them, she didn’t even listen to the messages he left. She had Penelope go in and forward them all to her lawyer, then delete them all off her cell for her. 

She sends him one last message to Peter that read: “If you have something to say, say it through your lawyer. Please don’t contact me again.” And then she blocks his number. 

They’re at Aaron's house this time, she doesn’t want to be alone tonight of all nights. With a couple boxes of Chinese take-out, they’re sitting at his dining table just talking about their days, like always, when her mind stumbles across her darker thoughts. 

“I took a huge step back in my life today.” 

“No, you haven’t,” Aaron assures.

“I had all these plans, I picked out baby names that went well with his last name, I imagined our nursery and what mothers days would be like and everything… every dream I had with him died and today I buried them.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but did you really want him to be the father of your kids knowing what you know now?” Aaron asks. “What if he hit your children?” 

“I know… it’s just hard,” she can’t help but feel awful.

“I’m sorry, I know. I know it’s hard, I shouldn’t be saying—

“It’s okay, I need to look at the bright side… I mean, sure, I had some big dreams that will never come true but I can make new dreams. I can become a new person. That girl I was with him is dead but I can make a new me. A better me,” she sits up straight and nods a few times while taking a deep breath. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“See what I mean?” Hotch teases, “you’re so strong, this is all going to work out for the best.” 

“Thank you,” she smiles, feeling bashful, compliments like this mean the world to her. 

“You know… something I tell Jack pretty often is that if we talk about things, memories can’t die and I’m pretty sure dreams are the same. If you ever want to talk about what you wanted, I’m always here to listen to you.” 

“Jack is very lucky to have you,” she compliments him first, her heart is too full to do anything but smile. “I really want a boy… I would be happy with any child but I’ve always dreamed about having a boy.”

“I was fairly certain Haley was having a girl the majority of Jack's pregnancy, she just had such a tiny bump and I could picture us with a little girl,” Aaron shares. “I don’t think I ever told you, but I have a younger brother who is 12 years younger than me, I practically raised him, so I wanted a little girl to get the whole experience, but having Jack was easy because I already knew what I was doing.” 

“You’d be fantastic as a girl dad,” she compliments him again and can’t help herself from imagining having his babies and imagining a whole life with him.

“Thank you,” it’s his turn to smile and blush a little. “I even had a list of girl names picked out, so figuring out a boy name was what was hard for us.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” 

“I really like J names, apparently? My list had Jane, Juliette, Juniper… I think they all sound good with Hotchner,” he explains and it’s the cutest thing. 

“I love that, I don’t know many men who would admit to having a baby names list,” she teases. 

He shrugs, “I guess I’m not like most men.” 

“You most certainly are not,” she says with an arch of her brow. “And according to Peter, you’re my ‘hot’ new boyfriend.” 

Hotch just laughs, “Men like him are so insecure they can’t handle the 1 woman who tolerated them giving any other man some attention. He would’ve done the same thing if it was Morgan or Reid at the door.”

“I just can’t believe I let it get to the point where he hit me.” 

“You loved him,” Hotch simplifies it. “It’s hard to just drop that… you’re a rare case where the second he laid his hands on you, you left.”

“For about 20 minutes I just stared in the mirror trying to figure out if I was going to call in sick or just cover it up with some makeup,” she admits. “I didn’t want to hide it from you guys and I didn’t want you to think I’m weak. I couldn’t take everything I’ve learned and abandon it just because I loved him… and then I realized I don’t remember the last time I loved all of him. I loved our memories, I loved the version of him he was when we got married, but I haven’t really loved him in a long time.” 

“You’re incredibly strong, it takes a lot of strength to figure that out,” Hotch can’t help but compliment her again. 

“Thank you,” she says, reaching her hand out over the table to hold his. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” 

—

Aaron is sitting with her on the plane, on their way to their next case, when she gets a text from her lawyer. 

“His lawyer has reached out to me, he is fine with keeping the house and taking on the rest of the mortgage, he just wants you to pay him back for his half of the downpayment, he says it’s not fair that he will be paying the rest of the mortgage when all you did is pay that original $25k. He is fine without spousal support as long as the abuse stays quiet, he doesn’t want this to affect his own job. If you’re okay with that, I’ll tell him and he will sign the papers.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She says out loud, getting everyone's attention. 

“What happened?” Aaron asks, leaning over her shoulder to read the text as well. “oh… if that’s all he wants, I think it’s a good deal.” 

“I’m going to lose all my savings again,” she admits. “We put up 50 grand together and I gave him a thousand dollars each month for the mortgage, I lost— Reid?”

“25k with 1k a month for 8 and a half years that’s 127 thousand dollars,” Spencer answers right away. 

“Thanks… I have paid more for that house than I currently make in a year,” she can’t believe it. “I also bought all the groceries, all the cleaning products I used to clean the fucking house, I paid to pick up his dry cleaning, I did the laundry every few days, I made sure he had a lunch packed every morning… I did so fucking much for that man, I’m not giving him any more of my money.” 

“So let’s go back with that, we can have Penelope gather all the information from your bank statements and previous taxes and she can total up the amount of money you’ve spent on him and that house and we can argue that he should pay you for your time. He treated you as a maid, you should be paid for your services and if they equal out to 25 grand or higher, then he has to pay you the difference or shut up,” Hotch explains, knowing how to play these games as he was once a lawyer and he’s been divorced.

“Okay,” she agrees, “yeah, I think that would work.” 

Hotch leans over her, towards the TV is, and presses the button on the screen to call Penelope. It dials and calls quickly, and she answers just as fast. “Yes, my lovelies?” 

“Can you do me a favour and gather up all of Y/N’s financial records over the last few years and find out the total she spent on groceries, dry cleaning, house expenses and the money she’s transferred to Peter’s account?” 

“I can,” she says and then looks at Y/N through the screen. “You’re okay with this?”

“Oh yeah, total it all up and send all the findings to my lawyer as well, I’m taking Peter down,” she agrees with a smile spread over her face. “He’s going to wish he never met me.” 

Penelope hangs up after that, slipping into Y/N’s life and doing the lords work, basically. It would take her accountant months to do what Penelope can do in 30 minutes. And god bless her. 

She settles into her seat again with a sigh, everyone else goes back to what they were doing, except for Hotch. They share an armrest between them, he places his hand over hers and looks at her with a soft smile, almost like he’s saying with his eyes that he’s proud of her and that it’s okay. She just smiles back, turning her hand over and interlocking their fingers, “thank you,” she whispers. 

“Anytime.” 

—

Normally on away cases, they all had their own rooms, unless the hotels were overbooked, and this was one of those times. 

Derek is with Emily, Spencer is with JJ and that leaves Hotch with Y/N. She changes into her night clothes in the bathroom, her pyjamas consisting of a plain shirt and blue butterfly-covered pants, nothing too scandalous. When she comes out, she finds him sitting up in his bed, also changed, reading over a case file with his glasses on… she didn’t even know he wore glasses? 

She just stands there in the bathroom doorway and stares at him until he looks up at her, “You okay?” 

She nods, “when did you get glasses?” 

“A couple years ago,” he shrugs. “They’re readers, sometimes I have a hard time reading at night.”

“They look nice on you,” she compliments him, sending a soft smile his way before she puts her work clothes back in her suitcase. 

When she turns back to her bed, Aaron is putting the files on his night table and taking said glasses off. “Are you tired?” 

“Not really,” she admits. Turning the comforter down, she slips into bed and turns to him, “Are you?” 

He shakes his head softly, “I was going to call Jack and then I remembered it’s well past midnight over there, I did text Jess, however, and she said he had a good night.” 

“You’re such a good dad, I hope he tells you that all the time…” it just rolls off the tongue, she didn’t even have a chance to stop herself. But the smile on his face is worth the embarrassment she felt for telling him how she feels. 

“Thank you,” he’s so soft about it. “You’re going to be a great mom too, I know it.” 

She just presses her lips together and hums, shaking her head slightly she bites her lip so she can hold back the tears that want to start coming. “I don’t think it’s going to happen for—

“It will,” he cuts her off. “You’re doing the right thing by getting away from him, I promise you, it’s going to work out for you.” 

She wants to cry, normally she spends most of her alone time crying in her lonely bed, be it at the house Dereks letting her crash in or a hotel somewhere in the country, she always ends up crying her eyes out. Tonight she can’t do that. “I hope so.” 

“It will,” he’s serious about it. “Do you need a hug?” 

She just nods and he gets out of his bed in a hurry to make it over to hers, he slips under the covers and pulls her into a hug and she can’t help but cuddle into his chest. “It just gets loud in my head sometimes, like everything he’s said to me starts to echo around and I can’t help but believe it… like maybe I’m not ever meant to be someone's mom?” 

He just rubs her back and lets her get it all out. “Can I be honest?” She nods against his chest. “I didn’t trust him when I first met him. He seemed off and now I guess I know why. He was keeping secrets and he knew the better you got at your job, the closer you’d be to figuring out all the lies he was telling and he’d be alone again. Men like him tell lies because they know that they can’t keep wonderful women like you when you know the truth about them. And now that you know the truth, he’s making it your problem.” 

“I just can’t believe he was going to let me believe I was broken instead of just telling me he didn’t want kids. Do you know what that does to a person?” She asks as she sits back up and looks him right in the eyes. “I haven’t felt good enough in years… I’ve hated myself for so long, Aaron.” 

“I don’t think you’re broken, I think you’re miraculous and wonderful… exceptional, even,” he admits, staring deep into her eyes like he’s found her soul in there. “And I know what it’s like to try for a long time, Haley and I tried for years and I watched it slowly suck the life out of her, any man that can sit by and watch that and not care, is a sociopath.” 

“Did you and Haley want more kids… before everything happened?” She asks, eyes trailing down to his lips and then back to making eye contact with him, she can read the hurt on his face.

He nods, “I’d still love to have more kids.” 

Her eyes light right up, “really?” 

He nods again, “I would… I wasn’t going to ask you out until well after the divorce was final. I don’t want to get in the middle of everything or ruin the chances of you getting away from him without issue… but I’ve thought you were beautiful since the moment I first saw you.” 

“Aaron?” She really can’t believe it. “What are you saying?” 

“If you want to have a child, I’d gladly show you what it’s like to have a real man love you,” he rephrases it with a lot more confidence and passion in his voice. He knows what he wants and every part of him hopes she wants it too.

She can’t believe it. The words don’t seem real. Part of her thinks she fell asleep quickly and this is all a dream. There’s no way her boss— and the most handsome man she’s seen in her life, is saying this to her. “you want to sleep with me?” 

He laughs, “More than that… which is hard for me to admit because I’m your boss, I shouldn’t like you as much as I do. But I do. I would love to see where this goes… After the divorce.” 

“Aaron, am I dreaming? Are you serious?” She shakes her head and shuffles further away from him. “What the hell is happening?” 

“You’re awake, I promise,” Aaron assures her while also keeping his distance. “I’m sorry, if you don’t feel the same, I’ll back off—

“No, no, it’s not that, I just— I’ve just never been with anyone but Peter, he was my first real boyfriend, I never thought anyone else would ever want me?” She’s honest. “Are you serious?” 

“I’ve been with 3 women,” he admits, it’s not like his number is crazy, but it’s still not what she expected. 

“Really?” 

He nods, “Haley was my first, back in high school, then I slept with someone during my time doing security for U.S. diplomats— Haley and I were on and off again all the time before we got married... And then Beth, last year.” 

“You worked for Emily’s mom,” she knows that story… “did you and Emily—

“It was just a one-time thing. She was an adult and still living at home and also still rebellious as hell… she wanted to piss her mom off, but I didn’t know until after the fact,” Aaron is exceptionally honest. “We’ve always had a good friendship. That’s the one thing all 3 women have in common, actually. They were all my friends first.” 

She hums, following along with a nod, “You are my closest thing to a best friend, currently… I think you’re actually the best friend I’ve ever had in my whole entire life. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet.” 

“That’s okay, it’s more than okay, actually,” he rests his hand on her knee. “I was never going to say anything about how much I like you, I wasn’t going to ruin your marriage or convince you to cheat, I’d never do that—

“I know you wouldn’t, believe me, I know you’re a good man,” she places her hand on top of his and holds it tight. 

“Thank you… I just mean to say that I would wait forever for you.” 

“It won’t be that long, I can promise you that,” she smiles, moving back in closer to him. “Best friends can sleep in the same bed… and my marriage is already over, so it’s not cheating no matter what anyone would say if they saw us cuddling.” 

“Should I turn the light off?” He says with a smirk. 

She just nods, “yeah, get comfy, Hotchner, you’re not leaving my bed tonight.” 

—

Turns out, she’s spent close to a quarter of a million dollars on taking care of Peter and their home over the last 8 and a half years.

That’s not even including the time they were living in an apartment together, before and a few months after their wedding. She has her lawyer go back to his lawyer with this information and the fact she will Not be paying him for his half of the downpayment. He doesn’t like that. So, they come to an agreement to meet with a mediator. This way, she can voice her concerns, he can voice his and they can hopefully get the papers signed without going to court. 

Standing her ground and sitting in a chair opposite him was going to be the best way for her to win this. He is so much more confident on the phone, sending her threats and derogatory comments, he’s not that confident in front of her. Especially not when she has her boss in the chair beside her. 

“Why is he here?” Peter says the second he walks into the meeting room of her lawyer's office. He sits down aggressively and leans back in his chair, exuding an air of fake confidence that both she and Hotch don’t believe. 

“He’s my boss, he’s here to ensure my safety and my lawyer's safety,” she stands her ground. “I’m not about to get choked out again."

“You’re that afraid of me?” He laughs. 

Hotch flips open the folder in front of himself and holds up the photos of Y/N’s face the morning she came into work beat up. “You did this to her, what else are we supposed to think about you?” 

“There’s no proof my client did that,” his lawyer speaks up. The man can’t be more than 30, he must be a new lawyer with less experience than Andrea or Aaron. “She works a difficult job where she gets tossed around by criminals—

“We have the footage from the security camera inside your shared home,” Y/N’s lawyer cuts him off. 

“What?” Peter can’t believe it. “Since when is there one inside the house?” 

“We got them installed after the neighbours were robbed, or did you forget?” Y/N looks at him like he’s an idiot. “You signed off on it, you wanted to be able to see who was in our house if we got robbed like the neighbours did. There is one in the front hall, the living space, your office and our closet. You sent me photos of me and Aaron packing my things. You know it’s in there.” 

“My client—

“Is a liar,” Y/N’s lawyer cuts him off once again. “we have his signature and testimony from the security company saying he was the one who called and asked for internal cameras. They even kept the call logs and we’ve got a copy of the work order from the men who set them up.” 

Peter slumps in his seat. His tongue runs along his top teeth as he shakes his head, “what do you want?”

“I want out.” Y/N simplifies. “You wasted the last 10 years of my life, you lied to me and you abused me. I want you to sign the papers and let me go.” 

“So you can go fuck your boss?” 

Y/N stands with such force her role chair goes flying back, she slams her hands on the table and stares him down the way she would in an interrogation with an unsub, “What I do with my time isn’t any of your concern! This is a 1 party divorce state, if you give me a hard time I will not hesitate to take you to court and get a judge to sign off on this. I don’t need your help, I just thought this would be easier for you, but if you want the whole state of Virginia to know you’re a wife-beater, I can do that.” 

“And she’ll win,” Hotch offers, “I’ve been inside enough courtrooms to know that with this much evidence, you’re never going to see any money from her.” 

“Fine,” Peter gives in with a wave of his hands. “Where do I sign?” 

She sits back down then, biting back a smirk as she’s filled with pride. She really did it. She won. 

“So you’re agreeing to keep the house and she doesn’t have to pay you anything to get out of the mortgage?” Her lawyer clarifies. 

He nods, “Yes.” 

“Okay,” Andrea hands the paperwork over to Peter's lawyer. “This is the original agreement I sent you. It states what items still in the home belong to Y/N and if I remember correctly, you already agreed to her taking those with her at an arranged date and time with a mediator on the premises.” 

“That’s correct.” Peter's lawyer reads it over quickly, assuring it’s exactly what she says it is and then hands it over to Peter, “Sign there, there and on the last page, each spot is marked.” 

“Got it,” Peter says, not caring at all. He signs the 3 spots and slides the papers back across the table. “What now?” 

“What time is good for me to come get my things?” Y/N asks, trying not to smile with happiness. 

“Are you okay to do it tonight?” Peter asks, “I moved most of it into boxes and put them by the door… I’ve had a lot of time to organize. I think I’m going to sell it and move closer to where my parents are.” 

“That would be good for you,” she agrees. It’s weird to see all his aggressiveness fade now that she’s no longer his wife. “Aaron’s going to come with me, is that okay?” 

He nods, “I’m surprised you’re so comfortable bringing your boyfriend around me already.” 

And there it is. 

“You know, I’m not surprised this ended. You’ve always been so insecure about every single man in my life, even my brother and my cousins? Did you really think I’d just stay single my whole life after you? Did you really think you were such an amazing husband that I’d be so broken and damaged I’d never be able to move on? You weren’t anything spectacular and I think you’ve always known that.” 

“I’ll put your shit on the porch,” he says with a huff as he stands up to leave. “Have a nice life.” 

“We will,” Aaron answers, digging more salt into the wound as Y/N waves at him with a smile. 

Finally, she’s free.

—

It doesn’t take long for them to load all of her things into Aaron’s SUV and with Peter's lawyer in the house to supervise. She does one final sweep to make sure she has all her things. It looks good, so she gives Peter one final smile and a wave and then she’s gone. 

She watches the house fade to nothing in the passenger side mirror and her smile only grows. It doesn’t feel like an ending like she thought it would. All those dreams that seemed bigger than the whole sky are nothing but rain clouds that were once disguised as happy shapes… the rain that burst from them washed away all her sadness and left her with a blank space of sidewalk where she could once again be decorated with beautiful chalky colours. 

“So?” Aaron asks, looking between her and the road with a mighty smirk. “What’s next?” 

“I thought you were going to ask me out on a date?” She teases. 

“You’re ready already?” He’s a bit shocked, “I thought we were just pushing his buttons?” 

She shakes her head, “We were… but I’m also ready to be loved by a real man. The same man who’s always there for me, the man who would do anything to protect me. I want you too, Aaron.” 

“Well, okay then, Agent (your maiden name), where should we go for dinner tonight?” He asks, “Do you want to go somewhere fancy or should we order from our regular place?”

“Hmm… as tempting as that sounds, I think I’d like to get dressed up and go somewhere with you.” 

And so that’s what they do. While she’s changing into something nice, Aaron makes a call to a friend who would be able to get them a table at the nicest place in town with only an hour to spare. Luckily, he has good friends in all sorts of places, so before she can even really second guess the date, they’re sat in the back corner of a dark restaurant sharing a candle-lit dinner. 

“So… how is this going to work?” She finally asks, she can’t keep it in any longer. 

“What do you mean?” Aaron asks. 

“Like, are we going to file fraternization paperwork? Are we going to tell the team? Should I transfer to another unit?” 

“Oh… I think we could file the paperwork if you want to and you don’t have to leave, you’d just have to report to Morgan or Cruz, it wouldn’t be that hard.” 

“And are you going to tell Jack?” 

He nods, “Eventually.” 

“Does he even want to be a big brother?” 

Aarons a bit taken aback by that question, “I… I really don’t know?” 

“Cause I don’t want him to hate me, I’ve seen so many cases where kids grow up to hate their dad's girlfriends and new stepmoms and feel like they lost their dad when a new baby shows up,” she just lets all the worry out then and there, there’s no point keeping it from him. He’d figure it out eventually. 

“Well… the best thing we could do is go slowly, I can talk to him about it and see where he stands with it all. I know for a fact he really liked Beth and he was very little when Haley left me so I don’t think he holds any resentment for the divorce, I think it’ll be okay.” 

“Okay,” she repeats while letting out a deep breath. “Cause… I know you like me but I never got to tell you how I feel about you. I think you’re a wonderful man and you’re so astoundingly handsome it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and—” 

“Really?” He cuts her off with a smirk. 

“Yeah,” she manages to laugh, snapping out of the panic because it’s just so easy with him. “This is how I was supposed to feel with my husband… thank you for making me realize I deserve better and thank you for being what I deserve.” 

“I feel the same way… I mean, I loved Haley even after the divorce, hell, a part of me still does love her and I don’t think it will ever fade. However, it’s so nice to feel like this again,” Aaron agrees. “I’m just a little anxious that it’ll all come crumbling down around me again.” 

“Why?” She asks, not thinking she could ever leave him heartbroken. 

“Our job isn’t the safest environment. If you get hurt on the job I don’t know what I’ll do… my little crush on you was hard enough to deal with out there, and that was when you were married and I thought there was no chance of us being together because I’m not a home wrecker, but now… now I have to watch you go out there into the unknown every day with half of my heart in your pocket,” he explains, almost tearing up.

She shakes her head softly and reaches out for his hand, “Aaron, I’m always going to come home with you. Even if I get a little hurt, I know I’ll always fight to get back to you… and I have the same worries, I never want to lose you and physically see it happen or know I could’ve been there to stop it. It’s going to make the job harder, sure, but we could also just get better at what we do because we love each other.” 

She watches all the worry fade from his face as his jaw drops for a moment. “You love me, too?” 

She can’t help but laugh, “Yeah, Aaron, I love you.” 

Just as they lean in to kiss over the table, Aaron's phone starts to ring in his pocket. With a disgruntled sigh, Aaron sits back down in his chair and takes his phone out, answering it with his last name, she watches him go devoid of feelings. “Yes sir, we’ll be right there.” 

She sighs, “I’ll get the car, you get the check.”

They stand up at the same time and before she can get too far, he pulls her in close. Hand on her lower back, faces inches apart, “I’m going to show you just how much I love you when we get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” she smiles, leaning into their first kiss.

Still smiling as their lips touch, she could swear sparks fly around them as the restaurant fills with the screaming sound of a million colourful fireworks.

General Taglist

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @babybisexual @marsmunson86 @x-a-delama-x @kylakins88 @harrypotteranna23-blog @moonlightspencie

Bigger than the whole sky taglist:

@ssamorganhotchner @mrs-ssa-hotch

[butterflypeatea3456]

Yandere! Alicent x Yandere! Rhaenyra x Reader x Yandere! Criston

Part 2 (There will probably be a 3rd)

As the years went by it’s be a lie to say it was all smooth sailing. Though in the present you lived a more than comparable life. Between the lavish gowns of emerald green and ruby red. All gifts from Alicent and Rhaenyra, often they loved to personally dress you in. And a large chamber right between theirs. That you and Ser Cole often shared.

When Alicent and Viserys married, you ended up spending more time with Rhaenyra. As Alicent became more busy with matters of the kingdom, that concerned the young Queen. As much as you tried to mediate the tension between the two. It pushed you further into Criston’s arms. Not that he minded, using the situation to his benefit. Often you spent time with him, especially during meals. He tried his hardest not too bad mouth Rhaenrya in front of you. After she rejected his plan of the three of you running away together.

Little did you know you are a big chunk of what caused these tensions. As a married woman, Alicent was not permitted to spend as much time with you. Always in the corner of her eyes, she saw Rhaenrya you around without her. She and Ser Cole agreed that you were getting too far away. More and more often you started being called to the Queen’s champers. With Alicent’s reasons stemming from only liking the way, you brewed her tea. To help her dress for the day. During these times in her chambers, she’d send all the other servants away and Ser Cole would be the only guard present.

The ever going rift between the three disheartened you. They were really the only people in the castle that made your stay enjoyable. But the issues they had with one another were things you couldn’t remedy from your perspective. You were growing ever aware of how close by the Queen, Princess, and Knight kept you. Not you minded, as odd as the behaviors struck you at time.

They made you feel important, more than a mere Lady could ever dream of. But it also made you afraid, if you lost favor between them it could very well be a factor. In when your maidenhood would end and you would have to wed. If you no longer seemed to wield influence to your family or proximity to the throne.

It seemed like one day the problems between Rhaenrya, Alicent, and Cristion came to a full stop. Much to your confusion, one day the two women were icy towards each other. And the next you all walked the Red Keep arm in arm. With Alicent on your left, Rhaenrya on the right, while Cristion followed closely.

What you didn’t know is that Rhaenrya overheard a conversation between her father, your's, and Otto Hightower. She was simply going to speak with her father at another time till your name was mentioned. She already had a strong dislike of her father’s hand. But his suggestion made her want to feed him to Syrax as a mid-day snack. He was trying to convince them to betrothed you to his son. Her only friend left under the control of that man. She was convinced that you’d be treated terribly, so much so that she immediately went to tell Alicent.

When Alicent heard the news she felt a flurry of emotions. You were one of the only things untouched by her father. But in a sense, you’d be closer to her. But what if your marriage made you as unhappy as she was? Rhaenrya put a comforting hand on her old friend’s shoulder. An olive branch, Alicent realized, that you would be soon be married off. If not to her brother then some other lord. That would surely keep you away from her, and Alicent could not stand this, she wouldn’t.

Ser Criston was then brought into the conversation. She was aware that he, she, and Rhaenrya felt strongly about you. And that Criston and Rhaenrya had spent some ‘time’ together. Alicent never held any of those feelings for her guard, or men in general. But she felt a growing need for you. Rhaenrya devised a bold plan to keep you with them. That Ser Cole would ‘convince’ your suitors or betrothed to change their mind. While Alicent convinced the King to allow Criston to marry. In particular, marry you. And you would continue to live in the castle between the three of them.

Criston could almost not believe what he was hearing. That he could continue to be a knight but have you forever. Granted he knew that he wasn’t the only one between the Queen and Princess. But you would be his to love, worship, protect, sire children with. All he had to do was get his hands a little dirty, but Criston was sure the mother would forgive him. After all, it was out of duty and protection.

[matthewsgreybubbles]

Man you couldn't fucking pay me to be famous because why do I have people arguing and theorising on my TL about why mgg isn't married. There's people legit using the fact that he's a Pisces as reasoning (which no shade if peeps are into all that but it seems shallow to base it all on that), or the fact that he's too enthusiastic/excited by things in life to have a serious relationship. I know we like to indulge here and maybe that's where this is coming from but as a young woman who does not want children or even marriage and very much would like a similarish life it feels derogatory. Like be for fucking real, just because he's in his 40's he has to succumb to the rot? Idk if it's a skewed perspective mostly younger people have but it's exhausting to read the shared delusion. I saw similar about people complaining that Taylor Swift went to Coachella at the ripe old age of *gasp* 34. Someone quick we much alert the church elders.

And that is why I never look into Twitter. Please people just get a life. Who honestly cares if his married or not? Who's business is that except HIS?

And even though he is not married, why do people try to find a problem or a justification for that? Maybe it's just the way things are, maybe he doesn't want or hasn't find his person yet.

I think there is mostly a problem with the fact that everybody views marriage and family as the only goal in life. Like if you're not married you can't be happy or there is something wrong with you. Or like with MGG he is "not adult enough" to be in a relationship. Because once you pass 30 you have to be bored with life and depressed.

Yes, falling in love is great but there is so much more to life than that, and love doesn't only come from a partner, you have family, friends, colleagues or whatever. It's not because you're past 25/30 that you absolutely need to be married with kids and not enjoy life like you used to do anymore.

It's not because he is in his 40's that we need to find a justification for his single life or whatever is going on, and that does not mean he is unhappy or there is a problem with him.

This is a stronger pressure on women but I think that with this whole fandom stuff, there are people like that everywhere. And it's probably the same who will be mad when they will hear that he is in a relationship. That's just all fucked up dude.

And they'll act like this with Taylor Swift because it's well known that past 30 years old a woman is already half dead anyway so how could she dare go to a festival?? Scandalous.

So yeah you couldn't pay me for that anyway. I hate people digging into my life, my anger issues could never-

Let's not just care, it's no one's business anyway. 🕺✨

[fantasy-svt]

Wrong Room

Previous | Magic or Not Masterlist

Synopsis: Chan wanted to travel like before, get a break, and he happens to meet the love of his life in a small town.

Pairing: Lee Chan x fem!reader

Word Count: 3.2k words

Chan was lonely. Not in a literal sense, but rather a figuratively sense.

His friends had all moved on in their lives, finding their partners and moving on to the next stage of their lives. Hoshi and Fei were soon having their first child, Seokmin and Delia were marrying next week, and Joshua and Aria were getting married during spring time to come. Seungkwan was often not even home, traveling the sea with Ember while Minghao and Kaida had gone off for travels of their own. The rest was still near, but most of the time they were together with their partners or too busy with work.

The times that they hung out in the tavern had gone by, Chan had often found himself there alone on a Friday night as he wallowed in self-pity. He could barely remember the last time they actually hung out together, much less a time where it was just them without their lovers joining in.

It annoyed him slightly, not that he wished for his brothers' unhappiness. Rather, he just wished for his family back in the way they were before. Because now, even when he was surrounded by his friends, he felt alone in every sense. Conversation didn't often include him anymore, most of them about marriage or growing the family,and even when they tried to include him, it was no use.

And thus came his grand idea. He'd just travel for a bit, get to know new people and just relax without stressing about his problems.

So he set off to a neighboring country, packing just essentials and bidding his friends goodbye for the two weeks to come.

"Didn't know fairies boys were so pretty." The man that was following him did not even try to hide his intentions, gaining speed to catch up with Chan. The long strides that Chan took did not help, the man was taller and his steps were in turn much bigger. The man's hand on his shoulder made Chan shiver, trying to pull away from the grip before gasping as he was shoved against a wall. The impact hurt him, especially his wings as he felt a pang of pain throughout his whole back. He would fly if he could, but having just arrived in the two after flying for 6 hours did not grant him that. But even if he could fly away, the heavy rain also didn't grant him that as his wings got soaked. Soaked fairy wings resulted in no use for them, which was promptly one of the reasons that he stopped in this town.

"You could get me a nice price, maybe a thousand." The man took ahold of Chan's face, inspecting it with great care before flinching as Chan tried to bite his hand. A loud thunder was heard, followed by a bright flash that revealed a shadow. Seconds later, the man before Chan was down on the ground with a woman on top of him.

A woman with wings...

Although Chan was scared, the woman made him feel safe for some reason as she got back up.

"You shouldn't walk around with your wings exposed like that." Her voice made the hairs on his arms stand up, shivers shooting up his spine while he tried to ignore the warm feeling of your jacket over his shoulders.

"But yours are..." He pointed at your wings, surprised by the sheer sight of them alone. The were as tall as you and the wingspan had to be at least double that length, brown and black feathers that turned lighter closer to the middle. He also didn't miss the few feathers in your hair, standing up and moving slightly as you raised your eyebrow at him.

"I can actually fight, besides mine aren't worth anything. Just normal wings like any owl." Your voice was slightly raised to be louder than the pouring rain, but Chan could still barely hear you. You exhaled softly before grabbing his hand, dragging him through the streets before stopping in front of a hotel tavern. Entering made Chan sigh in relief, the warmth hitting him and making him forget about the fact that he was drenched from head-to-toe.

"2 chocolates ales please!" You called out to the barkeeper, who smiled and gave you an okay sign before continuing their work. You sat at a small table in the corner, the seats just some pillows and blankets that Chan just wanted to bury himself in. He watched as you pulled and moved the pillows and blankets, settling in between them with a smile before looking up at Chan.

"Go wild, don't worry." You gave him a bright smile and Chan sat down before taking one of the blankets and wrapping it around himself before grabbing some pillows to put around him. Once happy with the lay-out, Chan looked back up to you. You had shifted again, now wearing large round glasses. They looked quite ironic with you being an owl, but he wasn't sure whether that was on purpose or not. The drinks were put on the table and Chan smiled at the woman before flinching when he noticed the fork tongue of the waiter along with bright yellow snake eyes.

"He doesn't bite." You chuckled at Chan's reaction and the waiter hisses in a teasing tone, but Chan couldn't help but smile brightly.

"This is a magical tavern?" "Duh, you'd think I'd bring you to a normal one?" You gave a soft scoff before pulling out some money and tossing it to the waiter with a smile, who returned it with a grin that showed of his fangs. With a smile, Chan let go of the blanket before stretching his wings slightly while ignoring the painful stretch. He was confused when he watched your eyes widen, his wings weren't that special looking compared to other fairies (more specifically water fairies, who's wings were usually unique to themselves).

"Your wing is torn." You jumped up as you rushed to his side, your hands gently touching his wing and inspecting the tear. It was at the top of his right wing, about a finger deep into his wing. Chan hissed when your hand touched the tear, head snapping around to stare at his wing in shock.

"Don't move." You patted his shoulder before walking to the bar, talking to the bartender before going behind the bar. Chan didn't pay much more attention to you, rather he stared at his wing. Wing tears were a bit difficult to treat, often they remained as a scar and could lead to hardship with flying as well as phantom pains. He hadn't even noticed when he got hurt, but he was sure that it was around the time that he met you.

"Ah, that's cold!" He yelped loudly when he suddenly felt your hands on his wing again, well aware of the bandages that you were now applying to the tear. His wings started to feel heavy, so he gently started to lower it, not that you seemed to mind as you continued your work. Only when the wing was completely wrapped did you back off, staring at your work before looking at Chan.

"Did you not feel that?" You asked and Chan shook his head, trying to get out of his trance as he took a sip from his drink. His eyes widened at the sweetness of the drink, a smile following as he took another sip while he seemingly started to glow.

"You're certainly a fairy." You chuckled as you took your place opposite of him again, taking a sip of your own drink as well. Neither of you said much more and Chan decided to sleep after finishing his drink. It had been a busy day, but he was glad that he met you in all the chaos.

"Okay, get over here!" Kaiser was excited and it was honestly making Chan smile brightly, even when he was just crying his eyes out. Your wings was still protectively around him, but it was less than before when you noticed that Chan had calmed down a bit. It had only been two weeks or so that he had arrived in the town, but he was easy to befriend. This, of course, meant that all your friends quickly latched onto him as well. Kaiser being one, the snake man didn't usually befriend others so Chan did indeed create some miracle, and he had basically adopted Chan as his little brother.

Chan stepped out of your range and into Kaiser's spread arms, accepting the hug with a grin before stepping away again, continuing down the road with a happier spring in his step.

"He changes emotions quick." Kaiser spoke and you harshly nudged him in the ribs, making the snake double over and give you a glare.

"He misses his family, you can't blame him for that. You were a mess when your family took a month vacation away from here." "They left without telling me!" Kaiser screamed back and you chuckled at him before nodding, patting his back before raising yourself up in the sky with a wink thrown his way. With a flap of your wings, you raced towards Chan before lifting him up in the air with ease. He yelped, but ignored it when he noticed that it was you. You flew up, making sure that you held onto Chan tightly as he still could not fly. Within a few minutes, you were at the fields and Chan's smile could not be brighter at this point. As you set him down, he was quick to place himself between the flowers as he let nature surrounded him. The flowers around him seemed to move closer to him, almost like they were hugging him. If your didn't know any better, you would assume that Chan was the sun that the flowers sought for.

"Are you not going to lay down?" Chan lifted his head, looking at you with a frown and you chuckled before walking closer to him. You crouched down before placing your hands next to his head and leaning your body above him.

"I can't see the sun..." He sputtered, probably out of embarrassment as you watched the tips of his ears go red. You did give up though.

"Really? I can see it right in front of me though." You gave him a smile before laughing softly as you watched him go completely red. You moved away, opting to lay beside him instead as you placed your head on his arm and folded your wings to lay next to you. Chan looked at you as you closed your eyes, staring at you in pure awe. Your eyes were closed, your face relaxed as you basked in the sunlight while your wings softly twitched with every slight movement from the grass below you. He couldn't really stop staring, unaware of the reason for this as he turned on his side. He fell asleep seconds later, unaware that you were now staring at him.

"You just left-" You were quick to shush Kaiser, pointing at the snoring fairy beside you. He paused before laying down beside you as well, smiling softly at Chan.

"He looks peaceful for once, huh?" "Oh, shut it and go to sleep."

It had been a month into Chan's vacation, but not a single letter was sent and Jeonghan couldn't help but be worried. Now, he knew that Chan could take care of himself and all, but he was still worried nonetheless. He wasn't alone, the whole group shared the same thoughts. They had never gone so long without even seeing him, it was unusual to not hear anything from the fairy.

"He's fine, hyung. He's probably just enjoying his vacation!" Seokmin commented with a reassuring smile, but he looked unsure of his own comment. Soonyoung was quick to agree with Seokmin, but he too looked unsure. The doors slammed open right then, revealing Amber with an angry person following.

"She was searching for you guys." Ember stated before removing herself from the awkward atmosphere, walking out and shutting the door again after sending a kiss to Seungkwan. The men all stared at the winged woman before Seokmin asked who she was.

"Chan's friend." With crossed arms, she glared at them and all 12 of them could all feel shivers run down their spines. She had an aura that basically made all of them want to sink through the floor, but they were curious as well since she mentioned Chan. The first one to move again was Soonyoung, eyes set firmly on the winged woman before him as he gingerly approached.

"Is Chan okay? We haven't heard from him in a long time... Is he here as well?" He was persistent, almost desperate as he tried to figure out whether Chan was here or not. The others were keeping an eye on the woman, hoping that her expression would break and reveal any kind of clue and yet she didn't.

"So now you care, huh?" "Of course we do, don't insult us." This time Jihoon spoke up, getting pissed off by the attitude of the woman and yet he still remained uncomfortable as her gaze shifted to him.

"Yet you can't answer his letters? Some friends you are." The scoff felt insulting to all of them, but it was promptly ignored at the mention of letters. Sensing the confusion, she frowned and crossed her arms.

"You have seen his letters, no?" "We have not... None arrived, not that we know of." Seungcheol spoke before turning his head, calling for Hazel and asking her about any letters.

"Letter sorting is the butler's job, but I can ask for him to come by. Chances are that he might have misplaced it." Hazel spoke and Seungcheol nodded, waving his hand as a thanks before focusing back on the woman before him.

"Is he here?" "Yeah, yeah. I'll get him." She spoke as she turned to leave, letting the others remain in their rooms while they tried to figure out what happened.

"Chan!" Calling out to the fairy, you tried to find him in the courtyard to no avail. Another thing you had discovered about Chan, he was an excellent hider when he wanted to be. Luckily, he was not feeling like a little mischievous fairy this time as he approached again before hugging you from behind.

"What did they say?" His voice was quiet and it was a slightly hoarse, but you paid no mind as you turned around in his grip. His head moved to rest on your chest, arms lazily around your waist as he stared at your face for any reaction. You sighed, hands moving to pet his head before speaking again.

"Apparently they didn't see any letters pass by, they're investigating it." You spoke and it seemed to make him perk up, wings moving up to straighten behind him and twinkling slightly. He smiled, clearly happy that the radio silence had been a mere accident and not intentional to remove him from the family he so loved. Hearing a shout of his name, your wings instinctually wrapped around his form before loosening when Chan turned to face the crowd. The first to hug him was the brown haired man that had spoken to you earlier, wrapping himself fully around the fairy. You stepped back, letting the younger meet all of his family in peace.

Then you felt all eyes suddenly on you while Chan had gone bright red.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't." You spoke and Chan let out a soft laugh before pulling you beside him, introducing you quickly as he tried to contain his embarrassment from previous teasing. With a smile to Chan, you wrapped your wing around him again which was quickly met with Chan's hands as he petted the feathers like usual.

"So, what happened to the letters?" You turned back to the king before you with a questioning look and he sighed softly before explaining that the letters had been placed in a wrong pile of letters, which was a pile of none important letters that he would only read when he had time to do so.

"So, you're staying for dinner right? We want to hear all about Chan's adventures from outside perspective." Jeonghan, you assumed it was Jeonghan based on what Chan had told you about him, asked and you shrugged at him. You didn't see why not.

"What are we eating then?"

It was late at night, yet you were still outside on the roof as you stared at the sky. You didn't realize how close Chan was with his friends until now, but it was much different than your relationship to him. Although it wasn't any problem to you, it did make you wonder. Would you and Chan ever be so close or would you remain casual friends that met on a journey? Deep in your heart, you wished for the first to be true and yet something in your heart told you that the second one was the truth. It gnawed at your brain, making you anxious for something that probably didn't matter so much.

"What's going on in your head?" Chan's voice pulled you out of your thoughts, the fairy hanging upside down before you with his face in front of yours. He was smiling, but that smile dropped when he noticed your serious gaze. He lowered and turned himself, sitting beside you and shuffling closer to you until he was sat under your wing. The silence was a bit awkward, but comforting at the same time as you leaned your head on his shoulder with a soft sigh.

"Just thinking..." You mumbled and Chan looked at you with slight confusion. He wanted to ask what you were thinking about, but he decided not to as he noticed how down you were. Instead, he just stared at you. You were illuminated by the moon and starlight, your features shinning much brighter than before and making you look even more ethereal to Chan.

"Am I that beautiful?" You joked as you noticed his gaze, not expecting him to actually answer with a yes. Cue for you to blush as you awkwardly lifted your head from his shoulder, to which he just pulled you back while hugging you.

"What, you can flirt but I can't?" He asked and you looked up before getting up, grabbing his hand and pulling him up before flying into your room while dragging him behind. You dragged him to your bed, laying down and pulling him on top of you. He was flustered by the sudden action, but cuddled closer to you nonetheless.

"I like you, so please don't leave." He said and you looked up again before kissing his forehead softly, moving your head to the crook of his neck.

"I won't leave, don't worry." You smiled softly as you noticed his wings twitch at the confession, lifting his head and kissing his nose before placing another kiss on his cheek. The red blush on his cheeks was adorable, but him hiding his face was even cuter.

"That's not fair." He mumbled and you let out a laugh before flinching as you felt something move beside you. You turned your head, dropping your wing low enough to see what it was and you were met with a pink haired Jihoon, who was clearly not happy.

"It's cute that you're in love and all, but wrong room." And with a loud laugh, both of you rushed out of the window to your actual room next door.

[sunderwight]

because sometimes it's fun to explore a character's worst nightmare (probably) actually coming true:

fic where Jiang Cheng is a bastard

like, literally

so Yu Ziyuan marries Jiang Fengmian thanks to a political arrangement by their parents, and even though she has a huge crush on him she gets the strong impression that he doesn't like her, and she decides it must be because he's hung up on Cangse Sanren (and also because of her massive insecurities about not being a nice or "desirable" wife) but for this AU it's actually Wei Changze he's hung up on (because he's gay)

so from JFM's perspective his marriage to any woman is purely a matter of appeasing his family and producing heirs anyway, and though he liked and respected Cangse he's heartbroken that Wei Changze actually loves her and chose to be with her for-reals, rather than staying in Lotus Pier and having a secret love affair with JFM behind closed doors. in some universe JFM might have confided something of this to his prospective bride, in the interest of at least having a harmonious alliance if not an actual romance of any kind, but Yu ZIyuan isn't exactly the type to inspire confidence about these things. and to be fair, if JFM told her he was gay, she wouldn't react well

anyway, end result is that he doesn't explain or clarify anything, of course. JFM and YZY consummate their marriage and JFM sort of perfunctorily goes about his duties until it's confirmed that Yanli is on the way, and then he stops. mission accomplished, heir in situ, no more reason to force himself into hetero sex with the socially noxious woman his parents picked out! great work everybody hit the showers etc etc

Yu Ziyuan is, understandably, not thrilled about his conduct here so it doesn't do much for her growing unhappiness with her life and marriage. also she hates being the lady of a household, she just wants to fight shit and go on nighthunts, and she's not allowed to do that while pregnant so boy is she having a time of it (and so is everyone else because she is nothing if not willing to make her problems into everyone's problems). but at least she's got JFM's heir in her, right? at least that's something she can hold over that Cangse Sanren!

well of course Jiang Yanli is born and she's a girl, which is not ideal for sexist cultivation society, and she's also sickly, which is not ideal for ableist cultivation society either

so obviously, they have to try again

except that JFM was enjoying not having to perform those "marital duties" anymore and is reluctant to go back to them. which does excellent things for YZY's temperament too, so she yells and accuses him of cheating and not wanting her and makes a whole big public production of it, which of course feeds rumors that JFM really doesn't like her and also weakens her own position further because sexism and also YZY is not a likable person anyway. she's not popular in the household or sect. people still call her "Madam Yu" to her face, like you're not really "Madam Jiang" here, and there are whispers that it's her fault that Yanli came out sickly (baseless and cruel) and that she can't produce another child and that JFM's going to put her aside (somewhat more plausible)

JFM won't though, because he'd probably just have to marry another woman from Meishan Yu to fix the political fallout, which would be a lot of fuss to just break even. plus he does know that he is part of the problem here, and YZY has given him a child, so he's not actually all that bothered. he has cousins, he can adopt a more suitable heir if he needs to, or Yanli can marry a stronger cultivator into the family instead of marrying out (which breaks up that stupid betrothal with the Jin that he's not especially thrilled about)

but YZY is getting desperate here, so she convinces JFM to take to her bed at least one more time

it doesn't get her pregnant again though

so plan B, YZY finds one of JFM's more envious cousins and fucks him until it does take

this is equal parts actual pragmatism to get an heir, and Yu Ziyuan throwing oil onto the fire that is her marriage. part of her actually wants JFM to call her out or at least seem suspicious, because that would mean he actually gives a single fuck about what she does or who she does it with, even though having the whole thing come to light would pretty much ruin her. she has set herself up on a chair with a rope around her neck and a stool under her feet, waiting to see if Jiang Fengmian will either take her into his arms or kick the stool out from under her

but of course, he does neither

is he suspicious? yes. the dates don't align and some well-meaning servants have mentioned a few things to him. but he was already considering adopting one of his cousins to be his heir anyway, and this actually solves quite a few problems for him. if YZY wants to carry on with a lover who has Jiang blood, it's a win-win. she can give him plenty of heirs now, his own position will stabilize thanks to an abundance of them, and he doesn't have to fuck her!

of course it doesn't work out like that

his cousin is already suffering a crisis of conscience and backs off, and YZY doesn't take up with him again and wouldn't anyway (because it didn't work for accomplishing any of her secondary goals), and then she has Jiang Cheng and Jiang Fengmian just sort of benignly thanks her for the healthy "son" and makes nothing further of the matter. the Jiang sect tutors can handle the kid's upbringing, JFM doesn't feel especially paternal towards him but the kid's not going to want for anything either (materially, anyway) and this frees JFM and YZY both to go back to doing whatever (and whoever) they want in their free time

except

Yu Ziyuan is left in a state of perpetual frustration and anxiety about this, forever waiting for the other shoe to drop, and so she keeps trying to force it to drop. especially after Wei Wuxian turns up. she projects her own affair onto the poor kid, accusing JFM of liking him more than he likes Jiang Cheng (which in this AU is actually true, Jiang Fengmian has a lot of feelings about Wei Changze's son that he doesn't have about The Official Jiang Sect Heir who isn't even his real son), demanding to know if JFM has even heard the rumors (does he know what people whisper? about him? about Jiang Cheng? does he know?) like Yu Ziyuan is really not built for this political intrigue, shrewd strategic live-with-the-lies type stuff

for his own part, Jiang Fengmian is increasingly annoyed and put off by all of this. assuming the genre conventional standards are in play here, if he accused YZY of cuckolding him then he'd be within his rights to have her and Jiang Cheng executed. he wouldn't actually go that far of course, not only because he's been complicit in the whole thing but also because he's not that ruthless, but it's still on the table. and yet here is Yu Ziyuan, basically trying to... what? provoke him into divorcing her?

oh. well. maybe that is what she wants? what she's been trying to get with all of this? she wants him to disown Jiang Cheng and send her home in disgrace so that she can stop being his wife?

that actually would make more sense than what's really going on, in fact

but Jiang Fengmian still needs an heir and this kind of move would leave Jiang Cheng in limbo, and throw Yanli's parentage into question as well, plus it would make him the butt of a lot of jokes. so he just lets Yu Ziyuan basically move into a separate house and avoids her as much as possible, lets her do what she likes and waits for this to blow over

(it doesn't blow over)

then another problem becomes apparent. which is that Jiang Cheng is a concerning heir for the Jiang sect

the kid, understandably, takes after his mother. since she's the parent who actually spends time with him. but unfortunately a lot of that time is spent projecting all of her problems onto him. he's got a temper, he's wildly insecure, and surprisingly conservative and risk-averse. at administration and organization he's not that bad, he can at least do math, but his diplomacy skills leave a lot to be desired and do nothing to soften the blow of his mother's bad reputation. it's obvious that he desperately wants JFM's approval but JFM can't muster up much sentiment except vague disappointment for him. even as a cultivator he's just kind of average

the one benefit of marrying a powerful female cultivator with a strong will was supposed to be that she'd give him strong and talented heirs. but now he's got one daughter who can't cultivate and an adopted son who has inherited every single one of his mother's detrimental personality traits, who is actively the opposite of everything the sect is supposed to stand for, and now Jiang Fengmian is objectively worried that this kid will actually ruin his sect in the long run if/when he becomes sect leader. or at least that he won't be able to rally enough support from the internal factions to even peacefully claim the leadership role

maybe it'd be different if Jiang Cheng actually was his son, but since he's not, JFM can't help but think about the many other candidates in his family who would make more suitable heirs

and the main reason he doesn't take action, over time, is because it would still be bad for his own reputation to reveal the whole torrid controversy. at least with the way things are, nobody really wonders why his marriage with YZY isn't working out, and it's not JFM who takes the brunt of the criticism

but as time passes and Jiang Cheng gets older and YZY's miserable lashing out continues unabated, he finds himself thinking that he'd rather weather the storm of speculation about his prowess or orientation than continue to deal with this

finally, shit reaches a breaking point. something goes awry, another straw is piled onto the camel's back, and then there is a fight and finally Jiang Fengmian decides he's done living like this

so ten years later than anyone ever expected, he finally just kicks out the stool

Jiang Cheng isn't his son. congratulations, Yu Ziyuan, your wish (as JFM perceives it) is being granted. you get a divorce. you're free. go home to Meishan and live out the rest of your life however you please, and take the boy with you

of course this doesn't go over peacefully. YZY tells anyone who listens that JFM is impotent, JFM just kind of shrugs, Meishan Yu is stuck between being offended and being apologetic, but JC fails all the paternity tests so they're kind of forced to settle on the latter, which they also take out on Yu Ziyuan, but that's just the fallout among the adults

Jiang Cheng's entire world is uprooted. overnight he goes from being a sect heir to being a disgraced fatherless outcast. every fear or insecurity he ever had about his place in the world is abruptly validated

Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian are also upset, like up until now they have both strongly invested themselves in looking after Jiang Cheng, of supporting him as future sect leader and brother, and now that's all just... gone? and so is Jiang Cheng?

and it's extra difficult because Lotus Pier is more peaceful without Madam Yu storming in to pitch a fit once a month. but also the status quo has been totally changed around, Jiang Cheng is gone, and there are a lot of rumors and whispers and even speculation about Yanli's parentage too. the fact that some days it seems like life has improved just colors it all in this deep layer of guilt, because it's like someone wished to get rid of Yu Ziyuan and accidentally took Jiang Cheng out in the same blast. talking about it is taboo, too, so there are not a lot of chances to even sort out all the emotions involved. at one point Wei Wuxian tries to borrow a boat and go to Meishan, full of half-baked plots to somehow fix things, but he just gets caught and sent back

anyway, flash forward several years

the Lan lecture series begins

the Jiang send Yanli and Wei Wuxian to go mingle with the other young heirs and learn from Lan Qiren

and Meishan Yu sends... Jiang Yu Cheng

[necarion]

There are three major problems with "conversion therapy" (therapy intended to change sexual orientation) right now:

Its currently intended use is by religious people to make gay folks not-gay, and is done in a very coercive manner

It is akin to certain types of torture

It doesn't work.

Because of these things, actual research on conversion therapy is basically zero, and the idea is deeply poisonous. And this is very unfortunate, because if it worked, conversion therapy would be fantastically useful in a variety of situations that I think the LGBT community would be quite supportive of! (Caveat: this should be absolutely 100% forbidden for children, and under any sort of coercive situation. These must be entirely matters of informed coice.)

People whose spouse comes out as trans, and suddenly their spouse is a gender they are fundamentally not attracted to. Often, these couples have to divorce, which is unfortunate for everybody. If they could move between straight/gay (or bi), they could remain married to a person they love and support.

People who realized after a long and basically-happy marriage that they are gay, and converting to straight could save a long marriage.

Allo people married to an ace partner who want to become ace to make their partner happier

Ace people married to an allo partner who want to become allo to make their partner happier

Minor-attracted-people who desperately want to be not-that, for basically all the reasons

Gay/straight people who realize they've fallen in love with a partner they are not attracted to, and switching could make both of them really happy

People who think being Bi would be nice for their dating life.

People who have had a lot of failures in their dating life and decide they want to be ace

Religious figures who take vows of celibacy who would like to be ace to take away temptation

Astronauts, or other folks on long and dangerous journeys, who would rather be ace for a while.

People who have suffered major injuries (or whose partners have) and want to preserve a relationship, who would rather be ace.

Elderly people who would rather be attracted to people their own age for all sorts of reasons.

(If conversion therapy actually worked, you could probably use it for minor tweaks, such as making yourself more attracted to your spouse or partner. Many people have dated someone and gone "I really wish I were more attracted to this person". Some dating apps could conceivably be made totally blind and match 100% on personality.)

(If conversion therapy actually worked, it would probably be closely adjacent to libido-adjustments for people who have too much or too little for their, or their spouse's, comfort, are on certain medications, or have had hormonal changes in life.

And lastly, gay people who, for religious or family reasons want to be straight. (If conversion therapy actually worked, there would probably be a path for trans people to be not-trans, but I imagine the research would be more complicated.) This last one is hard to swallow because it's associated with views many of us disagree with, but I see no reason we could possibly ban it without stopping the others. If it makes people happier, then it's good even if their reasons are fucked up

If it worked, conversion therapy would be amazing for millions of people around the world, would save tons of otherwise happy marriages and relationships, and would help people who are unhappy with who they are. The ability to choose who you are attracted to (or to choose who you are not attracted to) is a matter of deep concern for almost all people. It would allow people to make choices I would rather they didn't for religious or social pressure reasons. But it also really does allow them to choose.

Which is why it really sucks that it has been made so completely poisonous that there is no legitimate research into it, and getting that funded would be almost impossible.

The ability to choose who you are attracted to would be one of the greatest psychological breakthroughs of all time.

[dragonworshippersblog]

What do you think is wrong with the show?

the reason of the creation of the show: ryan and hess had the goal to produce a “feminist show”, but in this attempt they confirmed every (medieval) misogynist stereotypes (like men are meant to go to war, women are submissive creature who always work for peace) while flattening female protagonists (alicent and rhaenyra) completely, depriving them of any ambition and painting them as passive characters of their own life or victim

the relationship with the source canon: the show should have been based on the book, but in truth they create completely different characters and sometimes make them behave as their counterpart of the book, and the result of this are people who act in an inconsistent way. for example the rhaenyra and alicent of season 1 ep 6/7 seem completely different than now + i had problem following all the time jump, especially cause most of them does not make sense

plot holes: this also comes from the change of the canon. for example in the first ep of season two helena said that she was afraid of the rats, so my deduction (me like others) was that her dream weren't clear or that she did not totally understand them, but now in the last episode she know exactly how and where aemond will died and aegon’s return. so does she understand or not her visions? And if she did, why didn’t she use them to protect her children? also, how did gwayne find out about cole and alicent’s relationship? alicent in ep 6 of season one said that her son’s life could have been threatened by the rise of rhaenyra to the throne, and now she acts shocked when her children want to eliminate this damage as if she wasn't the one who told them they were going to be killed? also the fact that she is going to abandon them all? aegon and aemond are horrible men but they’re still her sons, and what about daeron? she was reassured one ep ago that he is kind and nothing like his brother but she still chooses to take only helena and jaehaera?

the treatment of female character: the writers have a thing for making all of them miserable. apart from alicent and rhaenyra, rhaenys is deprived of its strong personality that characterized her in the book, laena was made a child bride in an unhappy marriage while in canon she married daemon at 22 and had a good relationship with him + a close bond with rhaenyra which led to the engagement of their children (so laena died with the awareness that baela was going to be queen consort and baela lady of driftmark), rhae was somehow killed by deamon while in canon he was fighting on the stepstones. they erase jeyne arryn “in a world of men, women should band together” and made up a beef with rhaena while in the book rhaenyra send her a dragon suitable to protect the vale and rhaena was was fine there

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

in honour of posting chapter 4 of Stars Maligned, please enjoy this AITA post i wrote in-character for the events of the au

AITA: I told my friend he should pursue what makes him happy rather than what's expected of him?

I (3900, A) recently had a conversation with a friend of mine (4200, M) who we will call Robin. Robin is a very selfless person and it's caused him some problems in the past with giving up things he wants for other people. The main thing is he was pressured into marrying someone (we'll call her Sparrow, 3400, F) by his family. The first time I saw him after the wedding (quite a while after, the craziness with the borders recently means we didn't have a chance to meet up sooner) he seemed miserable and I was really worried about him, so when we had a private moment I told him what was on my mind. I don't see the point in staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy with someone that doesn't care about you and family's approval is not the be-all end-all, especially with how they treat him. I and several other friends have made it clear in the past that we would happily support him if he ever needed to cut them off, but he doesn't even seem willing to consider that it might be for the best.

Anyway, after I expressed my thoughts he challenged me to a duel? He said I'd wounded the honour of both himself and his wife and that if I didn't apologise he would have no choice but to engage me in combat. This seemed totally unfair to me but I really didn't want to fight him over this so I wrote an apology letter - I really put effort in, like I said I did not want to fight - but it seems like he was really set on duelling me because later that day he sent our mutual friend Raven (2700, M/A) to issue the challenge. AITA?

EDIT: You all seem to be being obtuse on purpose. I waited until we were alone to say my piece to Robin, I obviously would never say in front of his wife that he didn't love her, I don't know why you are all fixating on that.

EDIT 2: Alright yes at one point I had feelings for Robin and it didn't work out but I don't see how that's relevant. There are more reasons than infatuation to step in with someone’s love life. His family only rushed him into marriage so quickly because there was supposed to be another wedding that was called off. And since I played some small role in that (long story) I suppose felt I owed it to him in some way.

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: Okay, answering some questions since apparently you're all incapable of working from "limited information" (I told you a lot but okay).

1. No, I am not the same user who posted "WIBTA if I objected at my friend's wedding (I am the best man)?" I was not the best man. Not even a man.

2. Sparrow seems like a perfectly nice person but she and Robin have nothing in common. She also didn't choose to marry him, there was pressure from her family as well. A lot of you have assumed that I have it out for her or want her out of the picture because I'm in love with Robin (I'm not, we had feelings for each other but that's behind us) and that's not true. I'm sure there are also things she could be doing that would make her happier, I just don't know her and would obviously not comment on the life choices of someone I don't even know.

3. If I didn't apologise after the initial challenge, obviously YTA, that is not what I'm asking. I did apologise and Robin still challenged me to a duel, that is what this post is about.

4. The cancelled engagement was neither his nor mine, and I was not in love with either of the fiancées. Again, people seemed determined to read this in the worst faith way possible. Maybe the parties in question were better off not marrying each other, regardless of how hurt or petty they felt in the immediate aftermath?

5. To the person who asked if there's a history of duelling in our friendgroup, not exactly? But before Robin got engaged there was an incident where my friend (henceforth known as Cardinal, 3100, F) challenged Robin to a duel which then became a duel between Robin and Raven? IDK it's complicated but it all worked out. EDIT: That duel was nothing to do with this duel or Robin's marriage so it's not relevant. Stop asking to hear more about it.

[comment: bilberry_pie_x]: The first duel was over an aborted love confession from OP to Robin.

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: WTH. Take this comment down and DM me!

[comment: truestpinkpeony (OP)]: Since you will not stop asking about the cancelled engagement, one half of the couple in question is now happily married to somebody else and the other half passed away.

EDIT: NO I DID NOT KILL HIM. I was not even in the room yet.

EDIT 2: I will not be answering any more questions about this.

What are these acronyms?

-

WIBTA if I poisoned my best friend's crush because he (crush) challenged them (friend) to a duel.

All relevant information contained in title.

[comment: surf_n_turf]: We know that's you Cardinal lol.

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Ideas #83: House of Dragons, but make it Hapsburg

As sometimes happens, I was minding my own business, trying to work on other things, when I was suddenly hit with such a wonderful, awful fic idea I had to drop everything to write it down.

Or: What if Viserys I decided the best way to secure the Iron Throne for Rhaenyra was to marry her to his Hand, Otto Hightower?

Just imagine it:

Shortly after Queen Aemma's death, when Otto is listing all the reasons why Viserys should remarry even if he intends to make Rhaenrya his heir, Otto makes the argument gynecological problems often run in families. Given that Rhaenyra's mother and grandmothers all died in childbed, it is reasonable to assume that Rhaenyra might do the same, leaving Westeros either with a child-king or, worse, leave the way open for Daemon to take the throne. Both options would be disastrous.

As intended, this convinces Viserys to take another wife - but it also convinces Viserys that the best way to show his love for his daughter is to marry her to a man who will uphold her rule and, should she die in childbed, uphold the rule of any children she leaves behind. And who better for the job than Otto, who has served so faithfully for so long? - and, just as important, has already fathered a number of sons.

And so Viserys marries Alicent and Otto marries Rhaenyra in a grand double ceremony.

Just about the only person happy with this relationship is Viserys, who has convinced himself Alicent's kindness equals love.

Rhaenyra herself has to be all but dragged to the altar, having attempted to run away many times leading up to the wedding. She might have succeeded had not she confided in Alicent - who, though she has no more desire to marry her best friend's father, feels honor bound to inform the Kingsguard - forming a basis for their future mutual enmity.

As for Otto himself, while he may see Rhaenyra as a better option than Daemon, he personally finds her to be nothing more than spoiled little girl who has been given infinite opportunity in life, done absolutely nothing with it, and yet believes she's earned every honor she's been given. It's possible she might grow out of it, but until then Otto would rather have nothing to do with her. Yet there is nothing he can say to Viserys regarding his marriage that wouldn't jeopardize Alicent's own, and so he grudgingly goes along with it.

And so we have Alicent and Rhaenrya in the unenviable position each of being married to their best friend's father. They are both each other's stepmother and stepdaughter. Their shared misery does anything but bring them closer.

Fast forward ten years to the death of Laena Velaryon.

Alicent is a diligent, if deeply unhappy, wife and mother of four, as per canon. The Faith is her recourse and only the knowledge that her son should inherit makes her suffering worth it.

Rhaenyra, meanwhile, resents her husband in a manner which echos Cersei Lannister. Otto is old and dull and forever trying to constrain her, not understanding that a dragon need not concern itself with the thoughts of sheep. She has borne Otto three sons who she cannot bring herself to love - and the moment Daemon returns from exile, starts an affair with him that sees her bearing her uncle three children of his own who she loves more than anything.

The court starts breaking into factions as Viserys' health declines, but here the lines are not so clearly drawn. There is Aegon the Elder, hapless and dissolute but Viserys' oldest son. Then there is Rhaenyra - and through her, her oldest son, Jacerys Hightower, who is well-trained for the role but lacks his mother's favor. And then there is Rhaenyra's favorite - Viserys Hightower, who is but a child and who many suspect of being illegitimate. They are respectively the Greens, the Whites, and the Blacks.

The Dance of the Dragons which follows is full of backstabbing, death, and shifting alliances - and far more complicated than Alicent and her children against Rhaenyra and hers.

To start with: 1) Alicent favors Aegon, as without his accession none of her sacrifices will have meant anything, but 2) Aemond and Otto favor Jacerys, who is dutiful in a way they appreciate and has the potential of being a good king in addition to being Otto’s eldest son by his second marriage. 3) Rhaenyra naturally favors her own claim, but loses much support when her first act to annul her marriage to Otto Hightower, marry Daemon, and declare her son Viserys crown prince over his older (half)brothers. And so on. Dealer's choice on the precise alignments and intrigues.

A three-way war of succession rages for almost a year, until Aegon and his dragon are killed in battle with the Blacks.

The remaining Greens throw their lot in with the Whites - but the fact the succession dispute is now between mother and son only makes the fighting that much worse.

Things finally resolve some years later with Jacerys taking the throne, but with the strength of the crown and stability of Westeros being much shaken. Though Aemond - Jace's strongest supporter - managed to kill the traitor Daemon in battle, he died of his own wounds soon after. Jace was able to take Dragonstone and capture his mother and (half)siblings soon after, but the suspicious deaths of Viserys and Aegon the Younger after he ordered the lot of them imprisoned in the Maidenvault haunts his reign.

Though Jace's reign is only as peaceful as any medieval fantasy kingdom ever is, he does two things which help to stabilize Westeros and House Targaryen in the long run. First: he lives a long time, but not so long that his only his only heirs are minor grandchildren, which keeps the succession peaceful when it comes. Second: He orders an end to all marriages within four degrees of consanguinity - and includes stepfamily and foster relationships in this decree. While this does still allow for first cousin marriage, it also keeps the worst problems of inbreeding from affecting the noble houses of Westeros.

Bonuses include: 1) Making no one a saint - or a sinner. Every player in the Dance is human, with all the associated foibles, and who react to their traumas in understandable, if sometimes undesirable, ways; 2) Such complicated family dynamics - and family relationships - as to keep an entire army of psychologists employed for centuries. The fault lines don't just appear between Alicent's children and Rhaenyra's children, but among and between them; and 3) Not a single word said about The Prince That Was Promised, The Song of Ice and Fire, or any other prophesy that might allude to the events of ASOIAF.

And that's all I have: a great way to make a complicated situation more complicated, but very little detail of the Dance itself. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

More HOTD Fic Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[kores-pomegranate]

Story time!

I grew up evangelical Christian, specifically Pentecostal. My parents were very devout, but over the years they’ve both become slightly less rigid in their beliefs. My dad in particular has undergone such growth and I’m so proud of him, but my mom, while less rigid than she once was, is still Christian and still pretty conservative.

I am queer, nonbinary, and polyamorous. My girlfriend is moving in with me on Saturday, which meant that I really couldn’t avoid coming out to them about all of this. Today, I sent them this email:

Hey y’all,

I didn't necessarily want to have this conversation over writing, but I think I'm too nervous to have it any other way. There's a lot that I've wanted to tell you both for a long time but I've been nervous about it and putting it off indefinitely. There's a lot in my life that is going to change very soon, but I wanted to get through DragonCon and [my child’s] birthday before dropping all of this on y'all. Telling you about those changes requires giving you some background information first. 

So, I would say around 2017-2018ish, I came out to [my now ex-husband] as pansexual (which is similar to bisexual but basically a little more expansive). He was supportive and kind about it and it led to us having conversations about opening our relationship to give me the opportunity to have experiences that I wasn't able to have because we got married so young. We decided to try it out and it was bumpy but generally went well. After a little while we decided that we wanted to try polyamory (instead of just being "open") because it felt more natural to us to be able to pursue meaningful and loving relationships with other people if we found someone we wanted to do that with. During this time I also realized that I am nonbinary, meaning that I don't really identify with male or female as a gender and I use they/them pronouns to reflect that.

Through the pursuit of polyamory, we discovered a lot of weak points in our marriage. That's to be expected, because nonmonogamy has a way of exposing cracks and forces you to address them. That's when we started couple's therapy. I would say that polyamory and couple's therapy did a great job of showing us the weaknesses in our relationship. In particular it showed me how it felt to be treated well in a relationship. The differences between my relationship with [ex-husband] and my relationships with others were stark, and over time I couldn't ignore how unwilling or unable [ex-husband] was to change, and how unhappy I was with him. Couple's therapy for the years we were in it was mostly focused on what [ex-husband] perceived to be my deficits, which were almost entirely the fact that he felt like we didn't have sex enough. So, after years of going to couple's therapy and feeling as though all of the difficulties in our marriage were my fault, coupled with the experience of being treated well by a partner and finding that I am actually capable of functioning healthily in a relationship, I asked [ex-husband] for the divorce. 

My partner through this since May of 2022 has been [girlfriend], that I believe both of you met before and after her transition. We met at [convention] and she was also in a polyamorous relationship. She lived in [city] with her partner, [partner’s] husband, and the child they were raising together as a family. For the entirety of our relationship we have been long distance, and that has been hard but we have made it work. Recently for reasons that aren't dissimilar to the reasons that [ex-husband] and I ended things, [girlfriend’s] relationship with [partner] also ended. After a lot of conversations and brainstorming and problem solving, we decided that the best thing and the thing that will make us both the happiest is for [girlfriend] to move to [city] to move in with me. We weren't sure until very recently that this was going to be what happened, but it is now a done deal and she'll be moving in with me on Saturday.

I know this is a hard thing for y'all to hear, and I know that it goes against more than one of your values and beliefs as people. My partner, a trans woman of two and a half years who I started consensually dating with the full knowledge of all parties involved while I was still married has now parted ways with her polyamorous partner and will be moving in with me even though we're not married. It will also make it publicly undeniable that I am a queer person, whereas before I suppose there was some amount of deniability in that fact if you weren't looking at it too closely. 

This is a lot to throw at y'all and I'm not sure how much of it you had already guessed or suspected, but we've not really ever talked about it explicitly and I figured my partner moving in with me was the time to talk about it. I wanted to send the info dump in writing first so that you could have time to process all of it without having me right in front of you, but I really would like to talk about it face to face or over the phone or something if that is something y'all would ever like to do. I understand that this may change some things about our relationship--I don't know if y'all will continue to want to spend holidays at my house or if [girlfriend] will be welcome at family things, but I do hope that eventually that is something that can happen.

Please know that I am the happiest I have ever been with her, and I truly never thought that I would be able to find a person that I love as much as I love her, let alone get to have her in my life every day. I really want to be able to share that happiness with y'all, and I hope we can get there some day.

I love y'all,

--

[signed name] 

I have been wracked with anxiety all day, because I genuinely did not know how they would respond, especially my mom. Here is her response:

I cannot express how I never, in a million billion years, would have guess that this is how my mom would respond. I immediately started crying…hard.

Then my dad’s response came in and it completely wrecked me in the best way possible:

Even reading over it now is making me really emotional. I can’t believe that my family is unconditionally accepting of this news from me. I have been afraid to have these conversations with them for years. *Years.* It hasn’t settled on me yet that I will get to live with the love of my life AND my family is happy for me and won’t be cutting me out of their lives.

I think I am the luckiest person that’s ever lived and I have such gratitude to the universe for that fact.

[w98pops]

I just love how much layers your characters have. I love Aletus. Im really enjoying how he's a good father, sweet guy but a legionary and a coward and its doesnt seem out of place, you write him so good. I would love to see and read more of Aletus. He's great. Not a great person, but a character 4sure. ❤️❤️❤️

TW: MENTIONS OF Menstruation, child marriage, slavery, sex, Aletus being Aletus

Thank you a lot. There is so much Aletus loving lately for some reason, and I'm totally not complaining, I loooove when my characters are loved 😭🙏🙏 I don't really intend much on writing nuanced characters, I don't think they're THAT great, but I'm glad it seems organic and people enjoy it. Aletus is a deeply flawed man and I planned him like that from the start. AND since y'all want more of him for some reason, here's more.

The reason he's not a total anti-hero is probably because I mainly tell and draw my characters from Wendy's perspective. For her, Aletus is a god-like figure. He was always kind and gentle with her, he taught her everything, pretty much, he was there for her always and his opinion matters to her more than anything in the world. She loves him dearly and will never let go of that love. So she tends to dismiss all the bad shit, because she loves him, or because she doesn't know.

I mean, he's a legionary after all. I don't want to spoil all the stuff 😭 because I still want to do SOMETHING with this story. At the very least, an illustrated google doc or something 😭😭😭, but holy fuck is Aletus an awful human being. Not in a cartoonish type of way, like legionaries tend to be, but like. He's an absolute megalomaniac. In a subtle more boring way. He thinks he's better than anyone else and it's his only motivator, most of the time. He thinks he's better than other legionaries, he's better than the enslaved, he's better than the NCR, he's better than Sarah and Wendy. He loves Wendy, genuinely, but. He loves the love she has for him more. Aletus preys on her dependence on him and thrives when she's unhappy. He's not aware of this, of course, it's a deep unconscious thing he just does. Her love make his ego grow, his love makes her miserable. He's never cruel or unjust to her. But Aletus does things that are kinda good on paper, as in reality it fucks up everything.

There's a big fat example, which I referenced many times in my posts, it's the way Wendy "escaped" the Legion. She never really did. She never wanted, she had a normal life, her dad was a privileged man and she never even knew the fact that she was a slave. But as soon as she hit puberty and the whole afab menstruation bullshit started, Aletus just kinda. Kicked her out, crudely speaking. By the laws of fhe Legion as soon as a girl starts to bleed, she has to get married, and Aletus couldn't have that. Not because she's still a child and it's fucking awful, but because If Wendy gets married then she will have all her attention on her husband and Aletus won't be taking up all her mind space all the time. He tried to let her escape like. 2 times. The first time she refused, the second time he physically forced her and ordered to ran away, she came back. She literally had no problem living in the Legion. She was fed, she had toys, she had a loving father and she was safe. Wendy grew up soft and fragile, she wasn't ready for the Wasteland, and Aletus chose to ingore it because HIS DAUGHTER IS IN HER EARLY TEENS SHE CAN'T MARRY, I'D RATHER LET HER BE KILLED BY THE TERRORS OF THE POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD. I'm laughing at it, but it's kinda still a hard choice. So I don't inherently judge Aletus for the fact that he physically moved Wendy on the caravan he bribed while she was sleeping, so she wouldn't disagree again or find a way back home. But it was one most cruel thing he did to her. Although, Wendy never held a grudge against her dad. She couldn't possibly, even though she should totally. She's not that kind of person.

I think that one of his actions characterises Aletus the most? I mean, this one and the fact that he refused when his ex-lover Noam offered him to escape the Legion with him and Wendy, which was years before her "escape". I don't think I need to explain that one? Aletus is a coward, and he had no reason to leave Legion. Noam was a victim of Caesar's conquest. Aletus chose this life. For all the reasons Wendy refused to leave, by the way. He's a megalomaniac AND a hypocrite.

He's kind of an awful partner too? Not counting Sarah, he's an absolute asshole to Lucullus. I mean, it's Lucullus, but still, when you're in a relationship you typically have some sympathy for your companion. Aletus, on the other hand, sees Lucullus as a tool. Easy access to sex + easy spying on Wendy, no more. Pretty much was with all of his other boyfriends. He just can't bring himself to care for another human being as much as for himself. AGAIN, HIS LOVE FOR WENDY IS REAL. IT'S JUST BURIED UNDER A GAJILLION LAYERS OF CRUSTY EGO. Noam was probably the only one who truly saw Aletus for what he is and made a smart decision: he left.

ALSO, kinda the reason why he neglected Sharky as a child. Sharky looks so much like him, he hates it. He's egotistical, but is lying to himself about it, and through Sharky's eyes he sees himself for what he is, and really really doesn't like it. Also, Sharky was non-verbal and not really interested in nerd stuff that Aletus got Wendy into. Aletus' negligence of his own kid (who he's BIOLOGICALLY related to) was for good, in the end.

Aletus is a coward who can't look in the eyes of his own child and his cowardice is the reason he canonically dies during the Second Battle for Hoover Dam. Wendy comes to him and begs him to leave the Legion with her, she KNOWS that they will lose and he will die, but for Aletus, Legion is all his life. To live past the Legion is to live to face the consequences of his actions, and we can't have that. Again, in the end, his love for self was stronger than love for his daughter. His as does not deserve a good ending 😭🙏

But I still think he's likeable. At the very list. He's a Dante Alighieri fan, very dramatic, but with a good sense of humor. He's smart, cares for Wendy, does silly stuff from time to time, but actually did a LOT for the children that were forcibly recruited and enslaved by the Legion. I don't know If i mentioned in plain this fact, but Aletus is a pre-school teacher by profession :) With a degree in history. He genuinely passionate about teaching and he truly does everything for his students. In the comparison, he's just a good survivalist. There's nothing inherently wrong with being selfish in this hard cruel world and we all make mistakes. Most of them Aletus did unintentionally or out of self-preservation anyway. And we can't all be superheroes and find the courage to face our inner demons, sorry for cheesiness.

I LOVE Aletus. I think he's pretty good in terms of complex morals and writing. I like my dilfs morally grey and miserable.

Thank you for the feedback and giving me a reason to ramble about my favorite idiot!!!!

[yellowcry]

Hidden and left to rot

"Where are you two going?" Kelley started at her younger family members, that were sneaking into her mom's room Gael looked at her nervously. "I want to fond if there's something wrong. Tía Isabela is expessially upset lately." Kelley starled. "Really? You know what? I'm going to help"

Cracked au

CW: Potentially sensenitive topic

Her hands shook as she kept reading the old diary. She felt like her heart was stabbed with every word. 

Her mom didn't stop loving her dad in the last few years. She never loved him. The only reason behind this marriage was because Bisabuela forced her to. If it weren't for her, Mama and Papa would never marry. Kelley just wouldn't exist. And this realization struck her hard. Her whole life existed only because Isabela was forced to marry a person she never wanted to. Carry a child she never wanted.

She felt her breathing getting heavier as her eyes were reading the neat text again and again. Where mama cried about the upcoming wedding. Not because of happiness, but because she was going to spend her life with Mariano. How she kept insulting a non-existing child that she was carrying under her growing belly. Nineteen-years-old could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Her mom didn't want her. And this realization hurts way too much.

A moment later, this painful sadness started to boil up inside, getting ready to turn into anger. Why didn't mom think about everyone else's feelings? She betrayed Dad, used his love just to make herself a good girl. It wasn't fair for him... For anyone.

Would Isabela force her to marry someone too? Kelley's hand clenched into fists without her wanting to.

"What is wrong?" She gritted her teeth at her cousin's voice. Of course, Gael already sensed her anger... or sadness... or whatever she felt. What did she feel?

"Kelley, what is this?" Leisha asked nervously, not being used to her sister getting so emotional. With a blank face, the eldest passed the diary and looked away, not bothering to see how the teen's face widened in shock. Kelley really didn't want to see her, anyone...

Gael winced in panic as he read the diary as well. He wanted to find something to understand why Tia was unhappy, not to hurt his primo segundo. "Hey, Kelley, it's okay."

"It's fucking not!" She yelled, stomping her foot in rage. Nothing was normal right now. The diary, the truth—Kelly'd rather forget this all. Why couldn't he just shut up and leave those problems be? Apparently, this shit started way before their whole generation was born! Why didn't Gael ignore it like adults always did?

"Listen..." He started trying to help, but Kelley didn't listen to him. She grabbed the diary out of her sister's hands, heading outside.

"Hey!" Leisha let out an indignant yelp that was left unnoticed by Kelley. She had better things to do.

 

Kelley walked down the stairs, seeing how her mama was fixing the flowers in a vase next to their family photo. "Listen here, mother." She yelled angrily; the word'mother' was bursting with sarcasm. Isabela looked surprised for a moment, but soon her expression got strict.

"What's with your tone?"

"Oh, nothing!" She rolled her eyes, glowing quietly, as she stood right in front of Isabela. "Just this." She threw the diary on a cabinet with a loud slap.

"What is..." Isabela started, but her voice got stuck as realization hit her. She gasped in shock, and her face became fearful. "Lelly..." 

The young woman interrupted her. "Don't you fucking 'Lelly' me!" Her voice turned into screaming. How could she use those stupid nicknames right now? Isabela didn't call her 'Lelly' for years. "You lied to me!" She screamed,  anger was boiling up.

"I didn't lie to anyone!" Isabela yelled, causing her daughter to scoff. "And you had no right to look through my stuff!" She demanded, this time a bit more confidently.

"Well, excuse me!" Young woman threw her hands into the air. She felt like her heart was filled with poison and it kept leaking through her brain, splitting out. "It's just really fun to read how your own mother says that she hates you more than anything!" 

"Do you think I've enjoyed this?! I never wanted kids!" 

"Thank you for finally admitting it!" Kelley scoffed, towering over her mother. "You're manipulative bitch!

Isabela's eyes sparkled in rage that she had buried down for so long. "You have no right to talk with me like this." Right now, she didn't feel like she was in her forties; she felt like an angry teenager, filled with hatred.

Her daughter crossed her arms. "Why should I care?! You said you wished I was never born." She wiped her eyes, feeling the tears on her cheeks.

"It's not like this..."

"THEN WHAT IS IT?" Kelley yelled so loudly that she was sure that everyone in the house would hear it. "You're just was too weak to do what you want!"

"...Hey... Can we... just discuss it?" Both women winced at Gael's unsure demand as he slowly walked down to them. "I can feel you two are upset...".

Isabela's voice dropped, but it was still filled with anger. "I am fine."

"I'm not going to just discuss it!" Kelley breathed out. "This bitch deserves to be shouted at."

"IF YOU CALL ME LIKE THIS ONE MORE TIME..."

"Please!" Gael begged, as the true son of his mother, he preferred to keep things calm, but both Isabela and Kel ignored him.

"What about papa?!" Kelley was indignant, clenching her shaking fists. "What would he feel if he knew that you never loved him?" 

It just wasn't fair. Not to her, not to anyone. 

"Do you think it's fun being married to a person you never loved?" Isabela gasped in annoyance. "I wished to be free for years! But sometimes you can't be selfish! Sometimes you have to do things for the family's sake! Even if you hate it!"

Gael stood between them, spreading his arms to create distance between mother and daughter. "Let's all take a deep breath and talk it through." He begged, trying to calm down both women. 

"You know what? I don't care!" Kelley muttered through her teeth. "I'm going into my room. Not like you would care anyway."  

Isabela and Gael stared at how she rushed upstairs. A few seconds later, both of them heard a loud sound of the slamming door.