#Rei finally gets a chance to talk to someone his age yet the first thing he does is make fun of her clothes

[captaindeinony]

does angyone wanna share akari and rei found family thoughts with me…,

[duhragonball]

Dang I had a completely different experience with the last two episodes of NGE. I liked how instead of trotting out a bunch of stuff to explain things, it zeroed in on what I saw as the core of the show, which is the emotional disconnect and desire for connection the characters hold and how this has all torn them apart. I much prefer that we got a finale focused on Shinji trying to reconcile his self hatred and fear of connection and his desperate desire for acceptance and love, all of which was made more confusing and intense by his age and circumstances. Resolving that was way more important to me than explaining a bunch of hard details

I totally get what you're saying, and I will concede that EoTV 25 and 26 were more effective at getting to the bottom of Shinji's problems. EoE 25' and 26' tried to go the other direction with the story, except Shinji's still got the same problem to resolve whether it gets addressed or not. I guess that cat photo must have done the trick.

"Well, Shinji, I think the most therapeutic thing you could be doing is putting more cat food in my bowl."

The problem is that the show may be centered around Shinji, but it isn't just about Shinji. It's about his father, it's about the other Eva pilots, it's about Misato and the ultimate fate of humanity.

Like, Asuka wandered off and turned up lying naked in a bathtub in Episode 24. She's in really bad shape, and EoTV just skips right past that to deal with Shinji's damage. Really? Because I think Asuka was in a much worse place than he was at that point. At least Shinji was still walking and talking. I get that he's the main character, but you can't introduce a supporting character like Asuka and put her in that position and then drop it like it never mattered.

The thing I can't get past is that this franchise had two separate chances to put a bow on the story and it whiffed it both times. The first time was supposedly due to limited time and budget cuts, and the second time was apparently because someone broke into the studio and replace a lot of footage with film of people in a movie theater.

"We're a plot point, apparently!"

And it's treated like this is some sort of zero-sum game, like NGE could either focus on Shinji's mental health issues or wrap up the plot threads from the series, but not both at once. The thing is, most storytellers know how to pull off this kind of trick. Most of the time, the events of the story are the therapy that the character needs. Locking Shinji inside his own head seems pointless. If that's what he needed then the show could have just been about him alone in his room, processing his issues by his lonesome.

What boggles my mind is that from the very beginning of the story, it's made clear that this is all about Shinji having it out with his absent father, and yet neither of the two endings bothers to include a scene of Shinji having it out with his father. There's your low-budget, satisfying finale to the TV series right there. Two episodes of Shinji just sitting in a room with his dad. He needs Shinji to pilot the Eva one last time to execute his Third Impact Plan, but Shinji won't cooperate, and he has no choice but to talk it out with him.

It'd just be two characters sitting in a room together talking it out, maybe with some flashback clips to keep the visuals interesting. And while they hash out their issues, they can provide exposition on Asuka's condition, and what Rei was supposed to be, and so on. Again, this is a way to focus on the core conflict of the show, while still addressing plotlines involving the supporting characters. And when it's over, Shinji leaves the room, feeling a lot better about himself than he did before. He's still got some things to sort out, but at least he's settled things with his dad, which was what he came to Tokyo-3 to do.

Or, just put in this photo of a soup can on a public bench, I guess.

[angelkurenai]

Oh baby dear - Chris Evans x Reader

Title: Oh baby dear

Pairing: Chris Evans x Surrogate!Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: After a trip that gives the chance to Chris to take a long-overdue break from his job, he comes back home with his mind made up to change his life. And even if it weren’t for the trip itself or meeting you, even though he had no idea if he’d ever see you again, he was determined to not wait any longer. Feeling ready to become a father he starts looking for a surrogate mother, only to end up finding you of all people.

“Son of a guy. You meant it.” brown eyes were wide, and for the first couple seconds no other sound could be heard in the room. It almost felt like the words could echo in the room.

“You're really doing this.” the man's voice was filled with just as much shock as was painted all over his face. At least the woman behind him was more calm, sipping on her drink with an ease that would have been troubling, especially in such a case, if it wasn't known that she had long ago heard the news.

“I wouldn't have brought it up in the first place if I wasn't seriously considering it.” the other man in the room couldn't take his eyes off his friend, trying to gauge his reaction the second it came through. It was bound to be the most honest one, no second thoughts, and he only needed his friends' honest thoughts. Not that, and he was sure of it, the other man would intentionally tell him anything but the truth.

“You- wow.” the shocked expression was still there but there was no mistaking the smile that was slowly but surely appearing on his face “Seems like Evans is finally joining the club, who'd have thought? That's what I call one heck of a year, quickly Scarlett note the date down! It's going to go down in the history books, I tell you. Oh you're in for one hell of a ride, buddy! Wait you knew about this, didn't you?” he turned to the woman but shook his head soon enough “Never mind. You're gonna have to look for a godmother but I do get to be the godfather, right? I really need to start making preparations, nine months are not even remotely enough. I gotta-”

“Take a deep breath and calm down, Robert. That's what you gotta do. Otherwise this kid won't get to meet its one-of-a-kind godfather. And we would never want that to happen, would we?” the woman interrupted his rambling, a teasing smile on her own lips as she noticed Chris himself chuckle.

“Oh goodness forbid that could ever happen.” Chris laughed some more, his chest feeling lighter than it had in the past couple days “And besides that, there has not been a surrogate found just yet. Papers got approved only a day ago, it will take more time than that.”

“You say that as if the second every woman finds out you're on that kind of market, won't volunteer to have your baby. Heck, I know most of them would gladly volunteer to do it the old-fashioned way! You'll see, you will be getting news very soon.” Robert brushed his friend off and got up from his seat, making his way to the mini bar to grab a drink for himself “Which means, I really gotta start preparing everything because a) this is Evans' kid and b) I'm the godfather and it'll get only the best!”

Scarlett couldn't help but laugh, while Chris shook his head with a chuckle, before she added “As you can see, he is going to be more trouble than the kid.” she ignored the look that was shot at her from Robert and kept going “But, speaking of it, I never asked: Did you never really consider adoption?”

“For most of the time that's what I had in mind, yes, but-” he sighed, easing back in his seat “I asked about it and my chances were sadly very low, given my job and everything, not to mention how lengthy of a process it all was. Sebastian was actually the one to suggest it and you know I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ever since. Granted, it is just as hard to find a surrogate who is also willing to be the biological mother but I feel like I have more to hope for this way.”

“You have every reason to be hopeful, I'm sure this will work out just fine. Besides-” she offered her friend a warm smile “There is no other man that I can think of that could be a better father than you. This child will be very lucky.”

“...The part of Robert being the godfather excluded?” Chris added with a smirk, eyeing his friend who narrowed his eyes at him, before both Chris and Scarlett burst into laughter.

“Life isn't perfect, what can you do?” she grinned as she took a sip of her drink.

“I'll try to be the better man, as always, and not comment on any spiteful comments against me. You're just jealous I am going to be the world's best godfather. Anyway, that wasn't what I was going to comment on.” he plopped back on his seat and gave the blue-eyed man a sly smile “Sebastian you say but I'm wondering: was it him or that summer trip to Italy that really prompted you to become a dad? Maybe a certain someone you met there? What was her name...”

“Don't-” it was all he had time to get out, his eyes wide and voice very warning; but there was never any stopping the man when he wanted to speak his mind.

“Ah yes.” Robert grinned widely “(Y/n).”

“What- Who?” Scarlett frowned, tilting her head to the side “How come I haven't heard of her before? I thought you told me everything about Italy.”

“She's nobod-”

“Probably the love of his life. Something like his soulmate. One he talks about a lot in his sleep, hence why I should hold more parties and have you guys over. The info I get is golden. Anyway, think of it as the star-crossed lovers but one where he isn't the Lana Del Rey young and beautiful, you know? Heard she's something like a med or psych graduate or something. So come to think of it all, Italy, soulmates and age difference, this is like another version of Call me by your-”

“And that's it for you. Enough words spoken for one day.” Scarlett said, not hesitating a second to place a hand over the man's mouth who admittedly didn't give up even if his words were only an incoherent mumble after that.

Chris' eyes were wide and there was no mistaking the way he wanted to not talk about it, as if there was some unparalleled sadness that came with the mention of your name, a deep ache and at the same time yearning perhaps because he missed you, just like there was no mistaking the tint of pink that was on his cheeks.

“That's-” he cleared his throat, avoiding looking at his friends in the eyes because he knew how easy it would be to tell that even so many months later the feelings were fresh as much as the day he had to leave, the day he left a part of himself on the airport with you – a part he knew real well he wouldn't get back again, certainly not from any other woman he got to meet. That missing part of him, even if the rest held all the beautiful memories dearly to itself and felt truly blessed, he knew was obvious. It was all on his face that he was missing something, even if he'd gotten so much. And he knew she would see it, it all became so obvious when he thought of you.

He shook his head when he realized he had taken longer than needed to reply “It was way too long ago, I can hardly remember it now. Hell, as if barely anything happened to begin with. She was just-” a lump in his throat, too painful “I made a good friend, a really good friend yes, who helped me see my life in a different way. Helped me make my choice and see the things that really matter. Couldn't keep in contact and yes that's a bit sad but- That's all there is to it, nothing more nothing less.”

Scarlett regarded him for a couple seconds, even as he tried to keep himself busy with getting another drink, before she finally spoke “If you say so.” she nodded her head “At least we now know who we owe this to and who to thank for our family growing, don't we?”

“Then-” Robert's smile was softer, yet also sad, as he raised his glass a bit “Let's drink to that, if not your baby just yet. To (Y/n)?”

“To (Y/n).” Scarlett nodded her head “For helping you make the best decision of your life, wherever she may be now.”

Chris hesitated, the unspoken truth of you not only being the one to help him make the decision but also be part of that decision, part of the family he wanted to build, was ready to break free from his lips but he held it back “Wherever she may be.” he said in a low hoarse voice, raising his glass as well “To (Y/n).”

He had not allowed himself to say your name in a long time and thinking back to it, the effect had been evident not only in his chest, in his heartbeat, but also in his lips, how painfully strange it felt when all he had been doing was think about it for months to no end, down to his throat that closed up with emotion. And he had allowed himself to say it not only so that he would make sure his friends would drop the subject but also because it had been a long time, he felt the need to and he knew that he wouldn't get the chance to do so, not anytime soon for sure.

And yet, only seconds ago, the name had left his lips for the second time in barely a couple days.

His brain could barely keep up with the fact, all the information he had to currently process seemed to make things even harder. Saying your name this time certainly had the same effect, his throat closed up and his heart leaped to his throat, but it felt like it was for an entirely different reason. He blinked several times, trying to make sure that what he was seeing was also true, to make sure that it wasn't wishful thinking and that him holding his breath had not reduced the levels of oxygen to a point where he couldn't even see straight. Truth be told, he felt pretty lightheaded.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n).” he repeated your name for the third time, the third time in only a couple days his mind nearly screamed at him, but it didn't feel the same this time.

“Yes, I would say she seems like one of the most, if not the most, suitable candidate for you case.” the woman behind the desk gave him a warm smile but his brain was still currently stuck on the word 'candidate'.

“I'm sorry. There seems to be some misunderstanding here and I- I don't know whose part it is on, but-” he licked his lips, trying to swallow over the lump in his throat “When you say- What you're trying to say- I'm sorry.” he shook his head and let a couple seconds to pass in silence; he knew she wouldn't ask before him.

Taking a deep breath he decided to speak, even if his voice was hoarse he hoped she could make out the words “Candidate for what?”

The woman frowned a bit but it was gone faster than it could register, as she spoke in a calm voice “Your case. To be not only the surrogate you are looking for. See, her current, and according to her permanent from now on, residence is in New York City and very close to the residence you have listed as your permanent one. It is important, you understand, if we take into consideration that she will be the biological mother of the child. You might want the child to be able to stay in touch with her, and vice versa, so the close proximity does help. Of course that is always up to you, but in most cases we've seen it hap-”

“When did she sign up for this?” he asked, barely able to keep himself to wait for her to finish her sentence.

“Pardon?” she blinked and only then he realized how he might have sounded.

“You're right. I apologize, that came out as wrong.” he cleared his throat again “What I mean is... does she know who I am? That she- she's signing up to be a surrogate for my child.”

“Every surrogate must be informed, of course, of you as you are informed of her. She too must know whose child she will carry, don't you think it's fitting? But if you are uhm-” she hesitated “Concerned about other children, then, you need not worry. It's not my place to say this but it seems like-” she smiled a bit, almost knowingly “That you have already chosen, so I believe it wouldn't really be against any rule to say this. Consider it an extra bit of information.”

'Seems like you have already chosen.' would be a vast understatement. It was like every cell in his body was screaming 'Yes', chanting it over and over again that he was seriously worried he might have projected it somehow. He could barely control the words that came out of his lips anyway. If anything, the second he had come across the file with your name he had been glued to it, his eyes and all of his attention orbiting around the single file as if he was Earth and you were his Sun. Not far from the truth either.

But it also must have shown- No scratch that. He was sure it had shown because he had done no effort to hide it, too stunned and happy and eager and giddy and blessed and so many other things, to try to hide it. And she had clearly noticed.

“So, no, she has not mothered another child. As a matter of fact, Miss (Y/l/n) is doing this for the first time.” the woman leaned back in her chair “She came to us with the belief that there was too much sadness out there and, amongst other things, she decided to do this little one thing to help someone out. To make someone happy. I believe she didn't really have any further expectations out of this, no further plans, other than wanting to do some good. We only informed her of your case and she said she'd like to help, nothing else.” she shrugged softly “For any further reasons behind her choice you could ask her, I suppose. If you do think she could be the right choice to be the mother of your child, then-”

“She is.” he said, maybe a little too fast, but he didn't care. He didn't find a single part of him that cared for how eager he looked at the prospect of you being the mother of his child. Granted, it wasn't exactly how he'd imagined it but it was so much more than he ever thought he'd get, of what he thought he deserved, when he had told you goodbye that summer.

He cleared his throat again, trying to straighten his back and look as formal as he should in the suit he was wearing. He offered her a small smile “She is the right one. I think I've decided. I-” he paused, glancing at the pile of files and therefore other candidates which he had absolutely not even taken a glimpse at and he hoped she wouldn't comment on it “I've thought things through, yes.” because no man could make such a decision so hastily, he knew, and yet he looked like he just had “I'm glad for all the candidates it means a lot but uhm Miss (Y/l/n) seems to be indeed the right one. I think she will do just fine yes.”

“Wonderful.” she smiled more, nodding her head “If it means anything, she seemed happy when she was presented with your case.” oh if only she knew just how much it really meant to him, ask his wildly-beating heart and everyone would know just how much “Now, you understand that while you seem pretty sure and confident with your choice, you will have to give it some more time, more than anything to get in touch with the surrogate herself and discuss through any specific terms you might have. We will be the ones to set a meeting. Of course there are legal issues that need to be taken care of, but you're a lawyer yourself so you probably know that better than anybody else already.”

“Y-yes uh of course, yes, legal terms. Mr Wilson will represent me on the matter of course. But you said-” he folded his hands over his lap and threaded his fingers and it was either that or let his nerves show “Meeting her? Will I get to meet her in person soon or...?”

“That, Mr Evans, is completely up to you, how ready and sure you are, how much time you need and how fast you want things to progress.” she said as if she'd had this conversation many times over and she probably had “It could be within a week, a month, or, if you have no doubts, within three days the soonest possible. So, do you need time to think over-”

“The soonest possible. I'd like-” he nodded his head, straightening his suit's jacket “I think it would be best if I could meet with her the soonest possible. She's just what I was looking for.”

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hey slug, thanks for the hard work you and your team do for the fandom!! me and some friends were discussing this and i thought it would be nice to see ur answer to this (only if it doesn't bother u, of course!!): what characters do you think parents would give a big thumbs up if you introduced them as your partner (in terms of personality and traits)? I personally think Hifumi or Ichiro would be the best son-in-law...

What an entertaining question. Believe it or not, I’ve given the matter some thought before for reasons entirely unrelated to this, so presenting: Hypnosis Microphone Men and Whether or Not You Should Bring Them Home to Your Parents.

Since there’s a wide age range among the cast members, assume that the “you” in question is roughly each character’s age.

Ichirou: Absolutely. This man is objectively a dream boat. Runs his own successful business? Check. Respectful to people of all ages? Check. Cooks? Check. Cleans? Check. Good with kids? Check. Take Ichirou and marry him before your parents marry him themselves.

Jirou: As far as high school boyfriends go, Jirou’s not a bad choice. He’s a sweetheart, popular, plays music. Doesn’t do drugs in the school bathroom. Could have better grades, but hey, you can’t win them all. He seems like he’d have you home by 8 pm. You know what? Sure. Why not? You could do worse.

Saburou: Saburou is the kind of middle school boyfriend that your parents openly like and privately dislike. What I mean is that he’s very polite to most elders and super smart, so he’s the kind of kid who is entirely unobjectionable, but he’s also the kind of kid who would try to mansplain your parents’ jobs to them. Worst of all, he would be entirely correct in what he’s saying. Your parents probably want to punch him, but they don’t because assaulting children is illegal, not to mention immoral. They will breathe a collective sigh of relief when he finally breaks up with you so he can focus on studying for the Science Bowl nationals.

Samatoki: I am so torn on this one. On the one hand, he’s every parent’s worst nightmare. He smokes indoors, has an awful temper, and is a fucking gangster, for pete’s sake. Yet he can also be a sweetheart who cooks for you and does everything to treat you right. I’m really stumped. Probably the best solution, if you’re really wanting to get in on that Aohitsugi ass, is to cut out the middle man and date Nemu instead. She is perfect in every way, so your parents will love her.

Juuto: If your parents watch Antiques Roadshow, then he will have a lot to bond with them about. Otherwise I think he’d be that kind of person who tells stories about himself way too loudly at family dinners, and after he leaves, one of your parents pulls you aside to say, “Your boyfriend’s really kind of an asshole, don’t you think?” I guess date him if you’re okay with your parents thinking you have cruddy taste.

Riou: I feel like the hard part here is luring him out of the woods and into a family dinner, but from there, it should go great. He’s over 6 feet tall. He can cook well. He has a strong sense of purpose and knows what he wants to do in life. Most importantly, he has a wonderful heart AND every survival skill known to man. He will change the oil in your parents’ car, fix the leaky pipe you’ve been meaning to get around to for six months now, clean the hood above the stove, and then swap recipes and heartfelt compliments with whichever parent does the cooking. Who cares if he doesn’t have a stable income? You don’t need that with guns like those. (insert flexing Riou image here)

Ramuda: I’m trying to think about the concept of a) dating Ramuda and b) introducing him to a set of parents, and I’m drawing an utter blank. There is nothing but “???” in my mind. I’m going to hazard a guess that this one would be a terrible idea.

Gentarou: Wow, your parents had no idea you were dating a prince of a tiny little kingdom in the Mediterranean AND a Harvard law graduate AND the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize AND the man who discovered a cure for cancer in an expedition deep into the heart of the Amazon rain forest. Look at you! What a catch. Only attempt this if your parents are gullible.

Dice: As much as I love Dice to death, this one is a no. Your parents do not want you dating a homeless man with a gambling addiction and bad table manners. Plus, the MIL here seems hard to get along with. Nuh-uh.

Jakurai: Absolutely. You’re in your 30s, so your parents are at least middle-aged. Probably they have some joint problems or some back pain. Jakurai can let them kiss that pain goodbye, and in return, they can let him kiss you! A win-win. He also boasts a handsome salary, has a lovely house, and seems like he’d be super respectful in a relationship. Yes. Go. Marry him.

Hifumi: If you’re a girl, you’re probably going to have to sit this round out. If you’re a guy or nonbinary... yeah, you’re probably going to have to sit this round out too. See, if you have a mom, how is Hifumi supposed to meet her? I guess you could... idk... stick a lampshade on her head and expect him not to notice. That could potentially work, but it’d raise a few awkward questions. If you do happen to live in a female-free household, though, you’ve hit upon the golden opportunity to make this man yours. You can replace every instance of the word “wife” in Judy Brady Syfer’s famous essay “I Want a Wife” with the word “Hifumi” and still have it make perfect sense, and it shows.

Doppo: I can’t in good conscience recommend this one. Sure, he’s hardworking and certainly polite enough, but does he have the time to respond to your emotional needs? Hell, does he have the time to respond to his own? If you invited him to family dinner, there’s a good chance that he’d need to work overtime and miss it. He’d apologize and buy you flowers to make up for it, but you know he’d also be worrying about the cost of those flowers, so... is it really worth it?

Kuukou: For some reason, my parents actually like Kuukou (although I think he’s also the only character they know besides Ichijiku), but I don’t think this would hold true for most parents. He sounds good on paper, but he’d probably make a disparaging comment about someone’s ass in the first five minutes. Perhaps if you tape his mouth shut and tell your parents he’s doing a vow of silence, then yes.

Juushi: As far as high school (is he still in high school?) boyfriends go, Juushi’s not that bad either. He’s shy but sweet. Respectful. In a band, but the kind that makes money and doesn’t operate out of someone’s garage. Yeah, you know what? Go for it. You could do worse. Just scroll up on this list if you need proof of that.

Hitoya: Yeah, absolutely. Hitoya has a great career and a fantastic attitude. He doesn’t take shit from anyone but can still be polite in the correct contexts. He also seems like the type who would get into a serious relationship and treat his partner right. Fuck it up. I support your love.

Sasara: Yes. He has the exact type of humor favored by parents of the father variety. Plus, he’s a famous comedian. There is good money to be had right there.

Roshou: Absolutely. Rather shy but very talented, hardworking teacher who obviously puts his heart and soul into his job? Of course. As long as he doesn’t death glare your parents, it will work out fantastically. Plus, he can talk about sports! That’s a thing that parents like, right?

Rei: Absolutely not. You remember last May when your parents answered a call from the IRS telling them they were about to lose all their money unless they gave the nice man on the phone their bank account password right at that very instant? He was the nice man on the phone. Why the hell would you bring this threat into your parents’ home? Look, you’re in your mid-40s. Your parents are getting up in years, and they want to see you settle down and be happy with someone. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is not it. Why are you with Rei in the first place? Is it the fur coat? Listen, you are a grown-ass adult, and you can buy yourself as many fur coats as you want. I believe in you. It doesn’t have to be this way - you deserve better.

[marchioness-caprina]

Mentor Day

Note : In This AU, Hawks is adopted by the todoroki Family, enji is a good dad and dabi is not a villain. And Todoroki's Mom is a Hero.

Pairings : Jealous! Hawks x Reader

Writing style: 3rd Person

Warning : Cussing

Word count : 3623

3rd Person's POV

" I'm so excited for Today! I can't wait to meet your Mentors! " Kirishima yelled with enthusiasm punching the air.

Everyone was gathered around Ground Beta for the sole reason that the Head of Agencies they were currently interning in were coming over to discuss the growth of the students, also because they chose U.A as the meeting Venue knowing that it's one of the places in Japan that is Highly guarded and secured and the School was Near the City so if anything were to happen they could always get there in a jeepy. There was another Reason but it wasn't disclosed to any of the students and nobody questioned it.

" Shut Up shitty Hair! " Bakugou snarled smacking Kirishima who seemed to be unaffected by Bakugou's ' affection ' towards him.

" Hey aren't You and Tokoyami Under Hawks's? The number 2 Pro Hero!? " Mina pointed out and suddenly everyone's attention was now settled on Y/n and Tokoyami.

Tokoyami had an unreadable expression but his face mostly showed that he was awkward and uncomfortable with the Topic. Not because of His Mentor... It's because of His Mentor's Interest.

Y/n on the other hand looked annoyed pissed, it was very obvious that neither of the two wanted to talk about it because of the lack of answer and their current expressions.

" So... What's it Like to be Under Pro Hero Hawks? " Momo began to press deeper onto the subject and was oblivious to her two classmate's look of disapproval. And it seems like she wasn't the only curious one.

" Well? " Jiro raised a brow when they didn't hear an answer. The two were very hesitant until y/n finally spoke up.

" Tokoyami-kun would I be breaking the law if I talk shit about him? "

" Eeehhhh!? " Everyone was confused as to why the sudden change of their classmate's personality took shift at a questionable rate.

" Technically there's no law about that and since he's not here to hear it... It's fine " Tokoyami answered with a straight face and his response got everyone questioning their experience even more.

" What the hell happened to you two while you were there? " Denki asked staring at the two. Tokoyami was hesitant but y/n just looked pissed and angry .

She showed irritation that could match Bakugou's.

" That's not something you should be asking me... You should be asking y/n that... I just had the unfortunate privilege to witness... That.... And I know a very dark secret I wish to unlearn " Tokoyami muttered at Everyone was fidgeting with curiosity while staring at y/n who looked like she was about to explode any minute now.

" Well if you Must know. On the first week I had to endure a bunch of whiny one night stand's Drama and Rage while trying to get them to go fuck themselves and trust me... Persuading a bunch of love struck delusional hoes to go home and keep silent for the rest of their lives isn't a very charming job. I had to suck in every single cheesy pick up lines that'll have anyone gagging, I had to endure being dragged around through the wonderful 'skies' like a ragdoll in the most unfortunate hour and I had to deal with Birdman's constant fuckery every single day so yeah... It wasn't that bad.... It was terrible. " Y/n's tone was forcefully dragged out and polite but her hostile expression got everyone shuddering.

Yes, Hawks was a flirt and he'd flirt with her with every chance he got, much to y/n's dismay. But knowing Hawks's reputation she brushed it off like it was one of his most common habits and got used to ignoring him, he was nice though and she felt like a sheltered child. Hawks never let's her go out to patrol on her own unless it's with Him and only Him. He constantly brings her gifts and snacks to which she is thankful and greatly flattered but she didn't like hearing Rumors about her with the Pro Hero himself. Overall she was thankful that she was being treated well but she didn't appreciate the special treatment.

Tokoyami on the other hand knew of his Mentor's love and affection for his Classmate, if he knew any better he found out that Hawks had imprinted on y/n like a new born chick. The reason Tokoyami knew that was because of the gifts, the flirting, Hawks's constant need to be around y/n, His possessiveness and Don't even get Tokoyami started on How much Hawks talks about y/n during patrol. Hell, Even when Hawks is literally stepping on a Villain's Face he'd still talk about How ' Perfect she was ' . At most of all, his Classmate was very unaware of Hawks's actual feelings and he's afraid he couldn't blame her simply because of Hawks's reputation as a 'playboy'.

" Wow.... I didn't think it would be like that.... Hawks's still pretty cool though " Sero muttered and that left y/n gawking at him because the least they could do was sympathize with her!.

" No shit " She grumbled sarcastically and she felt two hands grab hold of her shoulder behind her and speaking of the Devil, Hawks was already here.

" Hey there chicken nugget, what are you kids talking about? " Hawks asked leaning down , resting his chin on y/n's shoulder while both of his hands clamped down on each side of her shoulder blades protectively.

" Nothing Hawks, we were Talking about Nothing " Y/n who was already immune to the Touchiness of the male behind her was nonchalant on her reply and she sounded bored but her expression clearly showed ' Oh No, Not this Shit Again ' .

" Oh really? Well ok then baby bird but I have to say You look Perfect little dove but that is to be expected by my Epitome of beauty " Hawks grinned rubbing his cheeks against y/n's own in a very affectionate manner.

" Yeah, Yeah. Get off me Birdman you're getting that irritating Chicken stench on me " Y/n grumbled pushing him away from her to which she was successful with.

" Aww~ But you felt so soft " Hawks whined in an almost childish way.

Everyone was witnessing the very thing Tokoyami dreaded and they were choking on their own spit after seeing the interaction between the two.

They and so many questions yet so little answer and they knew they couldn't just bombard y/n with questions, not when Hawks was around.

" Uhh... You two seem.. Close" Denki commented to where he earned a proud grin from Hawks.

" No we're Not. He's just being A flirt, you'll Get used to it " Y/n snickered rolling her eyes at Hawks who was trying to hug her.

" You should have heard How much He talks about her at Home... He's like a broken Radio. Y/n this and that " Todoroki snorted and his comment got everyone gaping.

It didn't look that way to everyone else, it was clear that the Pro Hero liked her if throwing himself around her wasn't enough, the look in his eyes definitely spoke otherwise.

" So this is the little Lassy Hawks have been talking about? " Fatgum along with the rest of the pro Heroes Were slowly gathering towards them.

" This is Her? She's adorable in person . Keigo Never stops talking about her at home" Another voice came from a woman with white hair, and is almost identical to Shoto.

" .... Hah! You should hear what he has to say when he's asleep " Dabi murmured with a laugh.

" .... You Talk about me? " Y/n asked staring at Hawks who was nodding his head, a smirk plastered on his face.

" Ewww, Stop that. It's annoying and creepy " Y/n sighed shoving Hawks away.

" Isn't she lovely? " Rei mumbled a small chuckle escaping her lips as Dabi stared at her in bewilderment .

" So you're not gonna question their age gap?..... Really mom? " Dabi snorted and enji stood behind him, patting his back.

" You know how your mother is " Enji muttered staring down at his son.

" You have a point.... "

____________________

By now everyone was gathered around, some of them chatting with their mentors and some were meeting their classmate's other mentors.

Rei, Enji and Dabi were intently observing Keigo who looked so close to snapping, sure his face looked playful and relaxed but they knew him well enough to know that it was Keigo's facade.

On the other side was Y/n and Hawks talking to Fat gum, well it was only y/n showing enthusiasm about their conversation, Hawks had never left her side the whole time. Always trailing behind her like a lost puppy.

" That's really cool! I heard from Kirishima that you have two Forms? " Y/n's eyes gleamed with curiosity.

" Why yes little lady " Fat gum answered as he nervously glanced at Hawks. He could feel the raging intensity of Hawks's Jealousy radiating brighter than the sun's ray. To which y/n was oblivious of.

" Ya know buddy, you really have nothing to worry about when it's me " Fat gum stated his words directed towards Hawks who let out a sigh and gave him a genuine smile for once.

" Sorry, I couldn't help it when it comes to my little dove " Hawks chuckled slinging his arm around her shoulder and y/n immediately reacted by shoving his arm away without even glancing at him.

" Stop talking about me like I'm not here " Y/n muttered to which Hawks replied by doing it again and y/n shoved his arm again.

Fat gum was both entertained and a bit awkward with the situation until he spotted his side kick. Tamaki whom he had kindly asked to pick up something for him

" Anyways! That's enough you two, I'd like you to meet Tamaki Amajiki. He's my sidekick " Fat gum proudly introduced Tamaki who froze in his spot and began trembling nervously.

" Oh wow! I've heard so much about him! Our class was introduced to him before! But I never got to see his face clearly because he had his face on the wall the whole time! Let's start all over again. Hey I'm y/n l/n! Nice to meet you senpai... For the second time " Y/n grinned putting her hand out to shake his.

Tamaki who was nervous and flattered that someone remembered him shakily reached out his hand to shake hers but a look of pure shock flashed through his face when Another hand met his.

" Nice to meet you Buddy " Hawks grinned in an odd and threatening manner squeezing poor Tamaki's hand .

" U-u-uhh" Tamaki stuttered at y/n was annoyed at Hawks's actions.

" Hey! I was the-- you know what? Never mind. Anyway, senpai I heard stories about you from Kirishima-kun! And I think you're really cool! And you're cuter up close! " Y/n tried easing the nervous senior with compliments in order to atone the actions of Hawks. But Hawks took it in a different way.

Tamaki flushed red and Hawks let go of his hand with disdain, his eyes having a deadly glint and his smirk almost looked threatening and sadistic.

Fat gum who witnessed the scene knew he fucked up by calling Tamaki over, the Todoroki family were astonished to see how reactive Hawks could be when y/n was involved. At home he was really hard to read and when they thought they knew him Hawks suddenly surprises everyone by proving them wrong. But now his expression looks so raw and unmasked.

" Tsk, He doesn't Look much to Me " Hawks suddenly spat out in an irritated tone.

Y/n elbowed him after seeing Tamaki's expression.

" He doesn't mean that! He's just really insensitive... Aren't you Hawks? " Y/n glared at the man beside her and he scoffed looking away.

" You're actually really powerful Senpai! Trust me! Kirishima talks about you all the time it's adorable seeing him look up to someone who's equally as cute as Kirishima " Y/n tried covering the damage done by Hawks and Tamaki was conflicted. He didn't know who to believe anymore.

Another scoff was heard from Hawks and before he could make another comment y/n stepped on his feet making him wince.

" Ouch! " He grumbled looking down at y/n who was glaring at him threateningly.

Jealousy bubbled at the very core of Hawks, She called two men cute at the same time and she dared to do it in front of him! He praised men who aren't him. Sure they aren't official but isn't it clear that he was showing how much he could give her? He knows he's enough but it seems like his little dove was very dense. It's starting to irritate him. He didn't feel good inside and he really wanted to punch a bitch. Was she taunting him? Oh she definitely was. Just look at how she looks at them , it really makes him want to rip off someone's throat.

His wings began to bristle and rose intimidatingly the edges becoming sharp and ridged, jealousy was getting the best of him.

With a rough Tug, he dragged her away forcefully even with the harsh protest from the girl.

" Hey! Ok this is getting out of hand! " Y/n pulled her hand away and Hawks looked back at her with a gaze that could kill.

" Stop taunting me Y/n. I'm not handling it well " Hawks muttered but his voice was rough and demanding. Y/n shivered at how her name rolled out of his tongue. He never uses that tone or calls out her name like that unless she's in deep shit.

" Clearly, you're mad about shit I didn't do so go cool off or something " Y/n shot back her expression was out of sheer anger and Hawks responded by spreading his wings and he flew off without another word.

With a sigh y/n went back to her classmates, she was unaware if the stares that were thrown her way.

" A lovers quarrel? " Mt. Lady mumbled.

" Definitely a Lovers Quarrel " Fat gum confirmed.

" Is no one seriously questioning the fact about their age gap? " Dabi stated and Rei gave him a cold glare. Even shoto was seen glaring at him from his group.

" Ok fine jeez " Dabi shrugged shoving his hands into his pockets.

_____________________

20 minutes had passes and Hawks was still gone, by that time everyone was gathered around, the class was seated on the ground as the Pros started giving out their opinions and deductions on hm their performance.

Rei began to feel worried about her adopted son that had raged out of the area. Enji tried reassuring her that Keigo was old enough to take care of himself.

And on cue Hawks had arrived holding a box in his hand, he looked calmer now and more relaxed.

" Keigo dear, are you ok? " Rei asked approaching the male.

" Yeah I'm fine... Just needed a little breather.... " He muttered, his eyes glued to y/n who was listening intently to the discussion. Rei noticed this and a smile graced her lips.

" Go get her dear " Rei encouraged the male and Hawks flashed her a grin.

" Oh I will. And I'm going to make sure you're going to have a daughter in law soon " Keigo smugly stated and Rei's eyes widened only to have the woman laugh.

Luckily the little lessons the Pro's were conducting had finished and everyone was free. As the students began to stand up. Y/n was pulled away immediately by Hawks. And once she was a few feet away a box was shoves towards her. She was caught off guard but managed to hold it in her hands as she lookes up at Hawks questioningly.

" What's this? " The girl asked suspiciously.

" You like that doughnut shop near our agency yeah? I was flying by and decided to buy some for you as a Sorry present.. I admit that I went overboard... " Hawks explained rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

" What!? I can't accept thi---"

" Eat it or Throw it. I'm giving it to you and that's final so do what you want with it... Although it would be a waste if you throw it away... I did go out of my way to buy that for you with my own money even though I was still angry---"

" Ok fine you don't have to guilt trip me! I'll accept it ok?.... But you did say I could do what I want with it so... I'm sharing this with everyone " Y/n smiled and Hawks snapped his head towards her his eyebrows furrowed.

" What? No. I bought that For YOU not for them " Hawks grumbled and the girl gave him a playful smirk.

" You did say it was mine and I could do whatever I want with it " She replied slyly and Hawks turned away stomping his way towards Rei, Enji and Dabi.

" Ooo... You got it Bad. She's denser than a--"

" Don't finish that Touya I swear " Hawks glared at Dabi who only laughed at his protectiveness.

" Just be patient Keigo, she is young and she probably still doesn't have Love on her mind yet " Rei assured Keigo while rubbing his back.

" Tsk. You better not give up. You're a Todoroki after all , and I already acknowledge her as a daughter in law... No crazy woman would stomp their feet on the number 2 hero like that " Enji nodded and Hawks should be delighted but his eyes were glued to the girl.

She was sharing the doughnuts he bought for her and the last straw came when she had fed Kirishima with a doughnut.

His fathers on his wings bristled and the ends began to sharpen, his eyes darkened at the sight and his teeth were gritted.

The girl took notice of this and approached him. God he was losing it. One wrong move and he might forget the fact that she's still a minor and just go straight up to breeding her if he had to. Fuck everything she does is turning him on . He is smitten.

" Hey what's wrong? "

" You have the guts to ask me ' What's wrong?' Oh why don't ask that to all the other guys you fed doughnuts to? The ones I bought for you! You're so oblivious it's starting to piss me off little dove. Was I not subtle enough? I fucking Like---mphf--" Hawks was cut off when a Doughnut was shoved in his mouth by the girl in front of him.

" Shut your worm Hole You stupid Birdman, I like you too ok? But please stop being so annoying. I'm also protecting your reputation as a Hero here. I can't have you all over the tabloids stating that you like a high schooler. You'd be seen as a pedophile you dumbass " The girl finished and was about to pull her hand away from his mouth when he grabbed hold of her wrist, he kissed her finger gingerly before licking and sucking on that very finger she held the doughnut .

She froze, Dabi Froze, Everyone froze.

" What the fuck? " Katsuki was she first to speak up.

" I second that ' What the fuck ' " Y/n muttered and Hawks gave her a look that could have her melt into a puddle. A smug and triumphant grin plastered on his face as his arms wrapped around her waist possessively.

" Awww~ it warms my heart to know that you're protecting me that way. For a moment there I thought you don't care and all that shitty jealousy was so worth it because you told me you like me in the end.... " Hawks cooed his face nearing hers and she immediately distanced her face away from him.

" Hawks get off me! " She yelled her face was flushed and he had the sudden urge to kiss her right now.

" You'll have to pay for making me jealous though. It was not a very pretty feeling " Hawks grinned before his wings spread open and gave one strong flap and he was already flying her away from the scene.

" Holy shit.... Dude " Denki muttered staring up at the sky.

" Enji! Do you think we should renovate the house? " Rei asked enthusiastically.

" I think we just might have to " Enji replied.

" .... I ship it though " Mina stated and the girls gave an unspoken agreement to her statement.

" So... How many chicks do you think they'll have? " Dabi asked and Rei smacked him.

" Touya! " Rei scolded making Dabi chuckle.

" Nah it's too early... He won't knock her up just yet... Or will he? " Dabi grinned and this time Rei had frozen him in place.

" Touya! Stop that! " Rei fumed.

Dabi shut up immediately fearing Rei's wrath after seeing her angry expression.

[kojinnie]

tis is ranon! i wanna try the twisted match-up eventho it'll probably hurts. my worst traits would be

1. Not knowing myself well enough, having to ask others how i actually am from their eyes instead of looking through my own lense because I care of other's judgement better than mine.

2. I suck at handling compliment. Everytime anybody says anything good about me, I always get defensive by saying no, change the topic of the conversation, or saying "thank you, but [insert why i don't deserve compliment]"

3. Similar to the 2nd one, I have horrible horrible self esteem. I never really look at myself in a good light, I think I am horrible. Sometimes I feel like "im the worst" yet some of the times I feel like "woah I'm a queen". Even worse, sometimes I don't have the motivation to better myself in order to raise my self esteem.

My favourite(s) would be reiner and jean, you can choose the one with the worst(or whoever you prefer) compatibility with my traits. tears up already as I slip 1 dollar to your hand, whispering happy ending please..

Pairing: Jean x Reader

Summary: You accidentally meet Jean, your high school sweetheart, thirteen years later. While he has turned into a successful man whose face you'd see on TV a lot, you think of your life and what could have been with him, if only...

Tags: Angst/Fluff, coming of age, slice of life

Word Count: 3.6K

A/N: Oh Ranon my sweet child, hereby I present to thee... hopefully an antidote to the despair Yams had given us with 138. Hope you like it love!

Song mentioned: Linger by The Cranberries

"It's nice to see a familiar face 'round here."

There was no word that could describe the feelings you had upon hearing that voice. A voice that was once the first sound you hear in the morning and the one you say goodbye to before falling asleep. A voice that you had not heard for what felt like forever.

You didn't have to turn around to tell who it was, "Jean?"

The two of you erupted in laughter, both surprised by the mere coincidence of meeting each other at this old and ran-down department store, on the outskirt of the town you both grew up in.

Jean was quick to pull you into a big embrace that you gladly came into. A familiar piece of warmth was his hug, and yet it had struck you as odd that it did not feel foreign at the closest, although it had been years since the last time you met him.

Jean had grown very tall. There was no longer his signature undercut as he had let his hairs to grow past his ear. His chiseled jaw hid beneath dark brown beard he now had. You pretended to check him out and be shocked with the view, "You really grew! Like grew, GREW!" as if you hadn't seen him on the news station or the daily mail. As if you didn't follow his Instagram with your second account. As if you never thought of him at all.

He held your shoulder and pulled away to look at you, "Thirteen years and you don't look any different."

Your face grew hot and the compliment sent an uncanny discomfort to your guts, "Ah the lighting sucks here - to my advantage, fortunately."

There was a disapproving look in Jean's eyes for a passing moment before he carried on with the conversation. He didn't expect to see you at the old department store the two of you used to roam in after school, he said. Neither did you to ever meet him again, especially here. A place so awfully ordinary for someone who had grown to be the best version of himself. Jean had finally achieved his dream to be a household name in the country as one of the rising young attorneys.

The celebrity status he had achieved, all the actresses and models he had dated - it all inflicted you with some kind of inexplicable pain. One that made you feel worthless, to say the least. Someone who used to be so close to your heart, had grown so magnificently, leaving you with the painful fate of being ordinary. Yet, still your face lit up in distant pride each time a mention of Jean’s name surfaced, be it from the passing conversation your friend had, or to see it announced by the news anchor for some big public case he was working on.

Jean said that he returned home for a funeral. His uncle died, and he needed a spare sandal. He didn't know any other store, as the area both of you grew up in had changed a lot. Leaving this old department store the only place he could remember.

You passed your condolence but he was more curious with what you were up to. You chuckled because he seemed so serious when he asked, "Didn't you move out to the city? Why the hell are you coming back?" as if the misplacement of seeing someone so glitzy in this boring, dilapidated town didn't apply to him.

So you answered, and Jean turned silent for a moment. He tilted his head downward, and you noticed that he was the same person with the same mannerism. Although he was no longer the 17-year-old boy who used to get all ruffed up in school fight, trying to defend you from some stupid jocks; nor was he still the tall, lanky kid from your Home Economics class that you gave your first kiss to.

Your mind couldn’t help but to race to all the what-ifs, and the presence of Jean before your eyes right now only made the wonderings more palpable.

Jean smiled faintly to your answer, “Congratulations,” he still made his way to pat the side of your head, something he used to do every time, “big step, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s scary.”

“So, who’s the lucky guy? Anyone I know from school?” Jean said, faking the enthusiasm in his tone, but you didn’t notice. Because in your mind, it would be an absurd idea to think that you would still have the tiniest bit of effect on Jean, for he had outgrown all the memories he ever had with you.

“No, no,” you tried to mask the bitterness that suddenly emerged on the back of your tongue, “we met at work. He’s a great guy.”

Indeed, he was. The reason why you returned home was because you were getting married, and your fiancée wanted to be close with your family, for he didn’t have one growing up. He was an exceptional man, he had this magnetism in him, with the way he perceived things, to the abiding tenacity he had in him.

Your fiancée was a man you knew you could lean on in the eye of adversity. That’s why you agreed to marry him. But then again, there was always a void inside your heart that had no resolve to it for so many years. Your fiancée was your foundation, and yet, perhaps selfishly, you still yearned for the childish laughter and the irreplaceable feeling of freedom you once had with the man standing tall before you. Whose glance never failed to make you feel the most at ease with.

“He must be a pretty great guy to get you,” Jean’s faint smile grew into a grin, he was trying to down play the commotion he started to feel within his chest, “what’s his name? So, I can picture him.”

You laughed, because it was only natural for you to do so in the presence of the first guy you had fallen for, the first guy to ever told you how pretty you were and how all your imperfections never mattered to him, the first one to bring your teary face into his embrace after a gruesome day, before saying, ‘I never thought it’s possible. But, crazy, seeing you cry hurts me too.’

However, you knew, that all those memories had passed by and you were happy with where you were now. “Reiner,” you smiled at the mention of his name, “my fiancée’s name is Reiner Braun. He’s… amazing.”

“Wow. Tough name. Probably someone I’d stay clear from in high school.”

Both of you laughed, and the two of you continued to talk, as you walked him through the desolated alleys to find the sandal that he wanted to buy, and Jean walking you to the towel aisle that you had meant to buy one for Reiner, only to find out that they had stopped selling towels since long time ago. The laughter and reminiscing persisted until the cashier row when Jean heard your stomach grumble. Both of you exchanged glances and broke into yet another laughter.

“Salerno’s?” Jean said, suggesting the pizza place off the highway, where you had spent so many dates with him back then.

“How could I ever say no to that?”

“Settled, then. Did you drive here?” Jean’s eyes gazed afar to the parking lot, strangely looking for the old car you used to drive back in school, before realizing that thirteen years had passed and there was no chance that sickly car could ever survive the time.

“No, actually Reiner dropped me and—” As if staged by the universe, your phone rung and Reiner was calling, “—right in time, it’s him!”

You walked away from Jean for a moment as he looked for his car key inside jacket. Across the line, Reiner was gruntling, his voice was hazy, “Babe—”

“Reiner, I bumped into an old friend!” there was a sing-songy tone in your words. Through the phone, Reiner chuckled, picking up the excitement in your voice, even though it was getting more apparent that Reiner was drowsy, “Anyway babe, can you get an Uber? I took the cough syrup your mum gave me, and now I’m sleepy as fuck. ‘Fraid I won’t be able to drive.”

You turned to Jean and saw him jingling his car key at you, before returning back to Reiner on the phone, “Rei, I think my friend can drive me home. I’ll be stopping at Salerno’s, do you want anything? The calzone maybe?”

Reiner yawned, “That sounds nice but—” yet another yawn, “I’m gonna pass out. Come home soon, okay? Tuck me in.”

You cackled at the buff man whining before you said goodbye and followed Jean into his car.

The trip to Salerno’s was nourishing with memories. The poplar trees along the avenue had been replaced by lines of billboards – from advertisement of real estate agent to divorce attorney, they all reminded you of how much the town had changed. Yet the sense of comfort you shared with Jean as you joked about all of the absurd things you saw along the way, had not changed at all.

If for one second you forgot that you were driving in Jean’s expensive car, and that you imagined he was wearing a shabby soccer jersey instead of a tailored-fit shirt – if you closed your eyes and thought that thirteen years hadn’t gone by between the two of you, it almost felt like you rode a time machine to a time when Jean was yours and you were his. And something about the thought of it just broke your heart.

When Jean pulled over at Salerno’s and found out that it’s past the time for dine-in, the two of you decided to eat at his car instead. Jean didn’t even ask what you want and he returned with exactly what you had in mind, the classic calzone, something you always used to have. He remembered.

The two of you laughed, bantered and joked at each other. It felt almost as if no distance had ever been laid out between the two of you, like you hadn’t lived an entirely different life, like he was the same person after all. He hadn’t once made you self-conscious like you thought you would, considering the amount of success he had attained for himself. You felt bad for accusing Jean of the worst, when all it was just a projection of your own insecurity.

“So, you’re getting married on the 15th, and your annoying aunt is not invited?”

“Yeah, thank God for the pandemic somehow. Legit excuse, when all I wanted was not to have her talk shit about Reiner on my wedding day,” you munched through your calzone, talking mindlessly, “as for you, sir, you’re invited. That’s a no-brainer. Hereby I invite thee to my humble dwelling. Bring your model girlfriend, please, so I can brag to my cousins.”

His grin subsided into a weak smile and then into nothing at all, as he sipped on his coke. Suddenly awkward silence loomed within the small space of his car.

“Jean,” you shifted in your seat as the guilt grew on you, realizing the error in your judgment, “sorry I was being presumptuous.”

“No worries, it wasn’t serious. None of it ever was.”

You nodded, engulfed in your own guilt for bringing a bad topic up. The silence let the radio’s murmur to become noticeable, and an old song had just been played through the local radio, a tune that you used to listen with him on the back of your old creaking car after a make-out session filled with enraging teenage hormones.

And I’m in so deep~

You know I’m such a fool for you~

You got me wrapped around your finger I—

Do you have to let it linger?

You sighed and finally looked at Jean with his head hanging low, “Do you want to settle down someday?”

“Eventually.” Jean answered nonchalantly, “Not even sure about the whole relationship thingy.”

“Oh.” An acknowledgment you voiced, before succumbing to yet another silence.

Jean called your name softly and when you turned to face him, he was looking at you. Even in the darkness of the parking lot, you could see his honey eyes gleamed in a look that was so familiar to you—a look of disappointment, “Tell me, how could you never end up working where you’ve always wanted to be?”

You were pulled even deeper into your silence as you looked away. Suddenly a hot rash of sadness started to swallow you whole, “I—”

You tried to voice out a tangible reason, but you had realized that all of it was your own doing. Your insecurity, your self-consciousness, the thought that you were never good enough for the thing you once wanted so bad; all of it led to a life unlived, and to have someone finally putting you in your place was embarrassing, if not painful, “—wasn’t sure if I really wanted it and—”

“—wasn’t sure if I was good enough to pass the test.”

“So, after college, you never ended up applying there? Not even a try?”

You shook your head embarrassed, looking down at your shoes.

Jean sighed and laid his food on the dashboard, before reaching for your right hand and held it warmly into his grasp. He called your name which propelled you to look back at him, “Weren’t you the one who talked me into getting into law school? Even when I thought it was impossible? Weren’t you the one who wrote on my yearbook to-my-future-attorney when everyone was convinced that I’d end up working a mediocre office job? Or a mechanic in my Dad’s shop?”

Jean carried on, “I just… I just don’t understand. How could you have so much conviction for other people but—but yourself?”

You passed a grim smile, as vulnerability started to catch up with you, “Nevermind Jean, it’s passed. I am where I am now.”

“But, wasn’t it your dream?” Jean grew antsy on his seat, it was obvious that he truly didn’t understand, “The pages and pages and pages of diary you wrote about wanting to work there? What happened?”

You sighed, running out of words to say, until you caved in, “Maybe I never knew what I truly wanted.”

“Is that why?” Jean shot another look at you, there was an intensity in his eyes that you had never seen before. There you wondered what had happened to Jean’s life in all those years passed at your absence, had he led a difficult life before getting the success he was enjoying now? “Is that why you left me—because you didn’t know what you truly want?”

Jean understood the consequence of his action, he was a well-accomplished attorney after all. He also understood the vivid pain painted all over your face, but he was taking his shot. Years of wondering where had you gone, what kind of live had you lived – you never ceased to haunt him, all the what-ifs with you he always thought about whenever he broke off yet another meaningless relationship with yet another woman he’d never cared for in his life. Over the years, he’d taken a close look at you. He’d find you on the internet, he’d asked about you to friends of a friend that was still in touch with you, he’d ‘accidentally’ found your legal documents just to see that you had gotten your college degree one year earlier than him. He didn’t know why the thought of you lingered, you just did. Arriving into his dreams where he was seventeen again and unassuming, only for him to wake up disappointed at seeing a woman that wasn’t you in his bed.

For the longest time, Jean had fended for himself to be where he’s now. When survival had finally bore fruits, what else could there be for him? Still, he felt lonely in the embrace of another woman, still he felt the void persisted even if he spent his money on things he didn’t need. Jean never thought, that after years of dreaming to be the person he’s now, all he yearned for was to have a piece of simple, ordinary and innocent happiness he once had with you.

You were, after all, the only thing that could remind him of the innocence Jean had lost after years of grueling work as an attorney—seeing how corrupt and insidious men can be. So, when his wearied eyes landed on the sight of you this evening, in the alley of that long-forgotten Department Store, Jean had no choice but to finally face his haunting.

“Jean, it’s a long time ago,” you smile, cupping his hand with your free hand, “besides, I’m no longer your type, right?” A grin, a playful grin, painfully fabricated and Jean saw right through it.

You could feel the air had gotten thick in his car, and you shifted closer to the door. Jean let go of your hand as he moved closer to you, running his long fingers through your hair. His voice had gotten deep and you could sense a hint of pain in his words, “Maybe I never had a type.”

He dragged his gaze all over your face; your eyes, your nose, your lips – the way he used to reassure that you were so beautiful in his eyes despite the self-hate you inflicted upon yourself, “Maybe all I ever wanted was you and all I ever did with those girls was to try finding you in them,” he forced a smile, so stale, so painful, “to no avail.”

You could feel the air into your lung was compromised as you battled the tears, “Jean…”

“Out of so many things that I have been brave for, I was never brave enough for one thing that I needed the most: to tell you that it’s always been you,” Jean slithered his hands through your waist and pulled you into his embrace. He laid his head, heavy with loneliness and exhaustion on to the nook of your shoulder. For lack of better term, Jean was finally back home, as he muttered, letting go of all his inhibitions, “Baby, it’s always been you. It’s always been you.”

Your whole body was weak with emotions. The thoughts, the persistent ones – the what-ifs you could have had with Jean, the life you could have lived and the dream that could have been fulfilled. Without your permission, the tears fell to your dismay as you thought of one last thing remaining in your heart: Reiner. The way he smiled and listened all through your nightly despairs, caressing you close until you fell asleep, exhausted with tears dried up all over your face. The way Reiner whispered on to your ear, amidst your drowsiness, that he loved you and that he promised to make you whole, to fill the void you had always feared for. All the little things he had done without you asking, or the way he loved your family as if they were his own.

You cursed yourself for being surprised at how much you realized that you truly loved Reiner, even when you were in the embrace of someone you wondered about often. You realized, the best way to prove to someone that you love them was to stick around. And Reiner had stuck around, as much as you stuck around for him.

You left Jean long time ago for reasons you only vaguely remembered now, but life went on and sooner or later you should make it in your heart to accept it. You smiled and thought of your life. Sure, there was a lot of thing you need to patch up, but what is life if not persevering?

You pulled away from Jean, surprised to see a beaten look on his face. Far away from the dandy and sharp young attorney you would see on the news. Once, you loved this man, but years had passed and the one he wanted was no longer there. You were no longer the person you were thirteen years ago. You were no longer the girl Jean longed for, all he wished for was a passing ghost that you have left behind in your adolescence.

You caressed his cheek for the last time and landed a kiss to his forehead, “Jean, I’m so proud of you. How far you have gone. I’m sorry I wouldn’t be the one you’d share your future achievement with, but for all the things you have done to me, for seeing the good in me when I could hardly see it… I want to say thank you,” you smiled although pain was searing within your chest, “there’s a world out there where this would work out. But not this world.”

The unexpected rendezvous you had with the man whom you had given your first love to ended with both of you crying at each other’s embrace, until Salerno’s closed and turned off their lights.

When Jean finally dropped you at your childhood home, the place he used to spend all the times in, Jean smiled and pointed at your room with the lights still lit, “He’s waiting?”

“I think he’s asleep. He’s a deep sleeper, he forgets to turn off the lights every time.”

“Does he even fit in your tiny bed?”

“Well, you did fit.”

“For a time.”

“Yeah, for a time.”

“So, you’ll be Mrs. Braun?”

“Yep, Mrs. Braun I will be.”

Jean scoffed, pretending to be annoyed, but smiling nonetheless, “Lucky bastard, that Mr. Braun.”

[missorgana]

everything i do (gonna think of you)

pairing: finn/poe dameron

fandom: star wars (sequel trilogy

rating: teen and up

word count: 4690

warning: swearing, alcohol

summary: Finn and Poe are on a break. Neither of them are okay. But Finn hears Poe singing about him on the radio, and they'll be okay. Always. (musician poe, artist finn, long distance break-up + getting back together)

(it’s been ages but my space bfs, it’s good to be back!! a long overdue installment in my finnpoe alphabet series. did not expect e to be the most difficult letter to work with !!! thank you to Cat / @wendigostag​ as ALWAYS for beta reading and supporting my messy ideas 🥰 love uuuu. enjoy??)

read on ao3

“And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I’m sure!”

The audience erupts in a half-laughter, half-cheer, and the host smiles, looking a bit too tired for his age.

“Tonight’s special performance is by someone who has, quite frankly, taken the whole of America - and dare I say the world? - by storm!”

Previous cheers resurface, louder and more certain than before. Even a few wolf whistles, making the presenter laugh as well.

“Here to perform his new single ‘cardigan’ from the debut album ‘folklore’, Poe Dameron!”

Quite literally everyone in the studio goes crazy, and as the camera directs towards the stage, a light turns on and reveals the curly haired man in all his glory.

He smiles slyly to the audience. A few noises, bordering on the line of screaming, makes him chuckle, but he puts all his focus on the guitar. Snaps, strums, and as the piano starts accompanying him, a soft voice forming strange and unfamiliar words.

Finn wipes the tear away in frustration before it even gets a chance to move, just tiny droplets stinging his vision. He’s sniffling, and biting his cheek, staring at the already half-empty bottle of red wine on the table.

Never in his life has he ever felt more pathetic, that’s true.

He doesn’t know why he’s watching this. And judging by the two texts pinging in on his phone, his best friend Rey somehow knows he’s doing it, too.

His vision’s too blurry to type, he thinks. Fuck it, pour another glass of wine. Who cares?

On the screen, Poe smiles while singing each word. But Finn knows the man better than anyone in that studio to know that it’s not really a smile. It’s the kind that his boyfriend- ex-boyfriend put on at their last FaceTime call. The one where he suggested they took a break.

He figures he should turn off the television when the performance comes to an end. No need to rub anymore salt in the wound, as Rey said.

Yet Finn sticks around for the interview because… because what? He hates himself? He hates Poe?

Neither. Maybe he misses him. Of course he misses him, enough to fight back the sobs, far from sober. But he’ll fight that obvious realisation, as well.

“Thank you for coming in tonight!” the host tells the singer, who thanks him in turn for the opportunity. Always the golden boy. The image of polite, kind, heart full of love, yet so goddamn stubborn.

“Mothers love me.” Poe had told him, back in college, the smug idiot. Finn’s mother loves him.

It’s mostly questions about the album, the upcoming tour, pictures of his parents and his pearly whites gleam when he speaks of them, how proud they are of him. It envelops Finn like a warm embrace. Huh. They haven’t hugged in five months.

They haven’t seen each other in five months.

Then the host starts grinning like a maniac, and he’s got a hunch what’s coming now is what he’s been wanting to ask all along, “Evidently, you got a lot of ladies who love you here.”

Audience cheers. Poe runs a hand through his hair. He’s so nervous, it’s adorable.

“You got a special lady in your life?” a question that quiets the audience significantly, still, waiting.

The singer glances at his shoes like they’re the most fascinating thing in the universe. Finn can’t hold his glass still, because, yeah. He looks like he’s thinking about it too hard. He wants to save him from that situation.

And although it feels like a million years pass, it’s probably only ten seconds before the reply settles, “Not at the moment, no.”

The crowd is nothing less than thrilled. And not only women, as the host implied, nah, everyone in that studio recognizes what a heartthrob Poe Dameron is. Finn couldn’t agree more.

What he knows about his ex-boyfriend that the strangers in the TV don’t know is, obviously, that Poe’s not interested in the ladies.

So does his family and close friends, anyone out of show business, really.

He also knows why his ex-boyfriend isn’t out to the public about his sexuality, yet. Or he’s got an idea. Maybe. Finn convinces himself of that, because then, he can also convince himself that he’s not the only one still feeling he’s being torn to pieces by this breakup. Feels better.

*

Although the screen connecting to his boyfriend’s call tugs on his heartstrings with its familiar warmth, Finn is, above all, pissed.

And for some reason, he feels ashamed for that. He knows he shouldn’t.

Poe hasn’t been home in a month. He was supposed to be here two weeks ago, but due to press bookings, credit to his boyfriend’s brand new agent, he called Finn late at night apologising like a broken record and promising to make it up to him.

And it makes him feel like shit.

Every apology made him feel more guilty for… harboring his time. Which is crazy, because they’ve been going steady for three years. They talked about this, the possibility of long distance, and knew, definitely, that it was gonna be hard, especially since they’ve been attached by the hip for so long.

Thing is, this has happened three times now, and it’s made Finn question himself.

Is he good enough for Poe? then later, another thought creeps in, Is Poe tired of him? or… is he not in love with him anymore?

Finn feels like he’s going crazy.

And even when he sees his boyfriend’s soft curls and eyes full of sunshine pop on his phone, it’s those thoughts that still inhabit his head. Fuck.

“Baby!” Poe says, excitement gleaming right through him and into Finn’s bedroom. They’ve been talking about moving in together, but, well, with long distance, mostly only talk for now. He’s off chasing the fame, which he deserves more than anyone, thank you very much, and Finn’s already booked up with art galleries and auctions eagerly grasping for his paintings. It feels like they’ve made it.

Except, “Phasma’s got me on Jimmy Kimmel! Like, can you believe that?!” his boyfriend spills out everything from this week, and it warms Finn’s chest, his gut, all the way down to his toes. But at the same time, this being Poe’s first words to him stirs weirdly alongside that warmth.

His career’s important. Of course. Finn’s happy for him, like, over the moon, all the way across the solar system happy.

He wants him to be successful. So then… then why does it feel like Poe prioritises it over them? It’s probably him overthinking it, he reasons. Again.

Finn can definitely feel he’s supposed to be sleeping right now; that’s another thing, cursed with being in vastly different time zones. He listens, smiling half-tiredly, thoughts wandering to everything and nothing.

Which is why he finds himself, all of a sudden, replying to his boyfriend’s, “I, uh, I’m actually writing you another song. Don’t laugh, please,” with, “A secret kind of song? ”

It takes Poe by surprise, visibly, and it takes himself, as well.

Finn bites down on his tongue in the cringe of it all. His boyfriend’s blinking, slowly, probably waiting for some sort of elaboration, but when he has no idea what to say, Poe inquires, “What do you mean?”

He sighs. Wholeheartedly, wistfully, nostalgic.

Finn thinks about when Poe asked him out, driving up to his window in true cheesy romantic comedy style and having offered to write essays in exchange for a school marching band performance.

Their first date, eating cotton candy and the curly haired boy insisting on trying and failing to win Finn a prize, until finally facing defeat. He won Poe a prize instead, first try, so the previous grumpiness faded in a matter of seconds. The butterflies threatened to burst his stomach the entire day.

Their first time, clumsy and awkward, teeth clanging in kisses and stupid buttons in Finn’s shirt being stuck and they laughed until they were out of breath. It was more perfect than anything either of them could’ve imagined.

He thinks about this, because neither of them were out before they got together.

This coming out thing? It scared the shit out of Finn. He was so lucky to have a supportive family, supportive friends. The school was a mixed experience, but he and Poe were in it together. His boyfriend tried to play it cool, but he knew how scared he was, too. He knows like the back of his hand, almost.

And this concern, it makes him feel so guilty he might vomit.

“I just… I was just wondering if you wanted to be official.”

“We are official, Finn.”

“No, I-I mean, public.”

He gulps around the growing lump in his throat. Poe goes scarily quiet.

This is also something they’ve talked about before. Fame is so new, it’s a whole new leap, learning how to handle all this, so it didn’t bother either of them to be secretive about their relationship, so to speak.

Their close network still knew, obviously, but the music industry, Hollywood, that’s way, way different than Finn’s newly established and growing network of artist connections and colleagues.

It wasn’t a problem. Until it was.

Coming out is personal. But ever since his boyfriend said he wanted to go public, then didn’t, as they were both on edge, then decided they should move in together and go public to slam down journalists linking Poe to a member of a girl group he met last summer, then didn’t.

It’s happened a couple of times. And finally, it seems, Finn is coming to terms with being tired of being ready and then backing out.

He’s terrified. Terrified of Poe being embarrassed of him, which he knows sounds crazy, also. But fuck.

“Baby, we’re gonna do it,” his boyfriend reassures him, but he’s distraught now, “You know we are. My agent just talks about my image, you know, I need to make sure-”

“Your image?”

That… that pisses Finn off. Conclusively. Because what the fuck?

“Phasma thinks we should do it at Christmas, season of love, you know?” Poe smiles shyly, he always loved the holidays. And he just doesn’t know how to react. “She’s fine with it, like, she didn’t ask me to fake being straight, like the guy I talked with before. Just-

“Are you embarrassed of me, Poe?” he finds the words slipping out before he can stop his mouth.

His boyfriend’s eyes widen significantly on the small screen, opens and closes his mouth several times, and there’s definitely a yell from somewhere in the studio, but Poe ignores it completely, “Of course not. Finn, I’m the luckiest guy in the world because of you. I just really… really think we need to time this right.”

“I,” Finn starts, but he’s barely sure where he’s going with the sentence. All he knows is that he’s scared Poe might tell him that all this time meant nothing to him. He doesn’t know why he leaps to that, but he does. His boyfriend might find something better than him in the limelight, “I know. You’ve told me, and I get it, I do. It’s just difficult being so far away from you, and then…”

He feels himself drifting off into a cloud of numbness and nothing, but Poe interrupts the sentence, “I thought you’d be more supportive of my career.” Finn nearly jumps. The words don’t sound cold, per say. But it’s weird. The good old butterflies flutter hesitantly, sort of in question.

“I am, darling, I-” he sighs again, “I’ve always been. You’ve just seemed like you’re ready, and I got the feeling that your agent didn’t want you to, and-” “Phasma wants it.”

“But on Christmas, Poe. This Christmas. I’m just scared you’re…” Finn shakes his head at himself, decides to be completely honest, because that’s how relationships work. Right? “Waiting for the moment to end this.”

“End this?” his boyfriend’s voice raises just an octave, looking perpetually confused. He also, admittedly, looks pissed. Hurt. “Do you want to break up with me?”

“No! Why would I-

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

Finn rubs his eyes, feels like they’re on goddamn fire. Poe’s biting his lips, rummaging around after moving what he assumes is a more private room than before, and avoiding eye contact. They shouldn’t be doing this on the phone. They shouldn’t be doing this at all.

He wishes his boyfriend was next to him, so he could curl up on his chest and sleep the entire weekend. It’s all he wants.

Ultimately, Finn makes the suggestion, “Baby, I’m sorry, I just… why don’t I call you next time you’re free? Or can you… are you getting back anytime soon?”

He doesn’t know how to describe this feeling, what’s happening, in any other way than it seems like Poe’s on a different planet than him, drifting in a meteor rain.

What Finn doesn’t expect least of all is his boyfriend’s answer, “Nah, you know, if you feel like that, we should take a break. A breather.”

And Poe smiles, but he sees through that bullshit. It doesn’t reach his eyes.

He’s trying to play it cool. Fuck. Why are Finn’s eyes stinging, now?

“A break?”

“Yeah.”

That’s so much to process. Fucking process it. The protests are bubbling under his skin, boiling and ice cold at the same time, but he doesn’t get the time when the yells on the end of the world resume.

“I really should go.” Poe tells him, but he doesn’t sound like he wants to.

“Poe…” he tries to breathe around the butterflies currently panicking inside of him. He’d scream at them to stop for just five seconds, if he could. His boyfriend’s already getting up from the seat, which is why Finn pinches the bridge of his nose and tries not to look at him, “Okay. Okay.”

The silence that settles between them, then, until they end the call in confusion and boiled up emotion, is far from the comfort they’ve been accustomed to. It ends without a goodbye. Without an I love you.

So, naturally, he gets absolutely zero sleep that night.

*

Whenever Rey told them they were being overdramatic, she was probably right. This is no exception.

Ever since the damnation of their FaceTime call, Finn tried to get into his head what went down. Namely, him and his boyfriend speaking over each other’s heads. It settles in the morning, the realisation that Poe assumed the worst of what he said, while he himself didn’t understand why he couldn’t come home . Just one day. Just to talk this out.

But in a recognizable stubborn fashion, his boyfriend ignored his calls and texts for the weekend. Finn tried so, so hard not to get pissed again. But also, Poe actively avoiding him made him want to cry. Not being able to just hear his voice made him want to cry.

Naturally, the following week, when his boyfriend decided to reach out, Finn became the one to ignore all forms of contact. It felt like they were walking in circles.

This is new and raw territory.

Finn and Poe don’t fight. It’s a basic law of the universe. 

Which is why he doesn’t blame Rey for widening her eyes in shock at this new development. He also knows that she wants to intervene, badly so, given how protective she is of them, but because she’s lovely she always somehow knows when Finn needs his own space to think. Or scream into the void a little bit, whatever does the trick.

He’s pretty sure she didn’t expect this to go on for four months, now. He sure as hell didn’t expect it.

But… they’re both to blame. Finn’s pretty much dug himself a hole in the ground filling up with all his feelings, and as every week passes by, waits for his boyfriend to make the first move. He expects Poe to do the same. Nothing’s moving forward.

So, if Rey didn’t know him as she did, she’d ask him why.

Why don’t you just call him? He could. When his boyfriend stopped ignoring him, that is. Thing is, Finn’s world is sort of crumbling right now, and a confrontation with that isn’t something he can handle, he thinks.

It’s the thought of losing Poe for good. It’s the thought of Poe thinking Finn doesn’t want him anymore, when in fact he fears the exact opposite.

After watching that interview, though, he could breathe a little easier, he’ll admit.

And it’s weird. He felt inherently about a hundred times worse during it. The day after, he just kept thinking about Poe and his stupid curls and his nervous smile and what he might be doing while Finn was helping his sister with the dishes.

Maybe it’s knowing his boyfriend- ex-boyfriend (?) is okay. Does look more okay than himself.

It calms him. The next day, it makes Finn want to burn up all their polaroids and mail the ashes to the singers’ hotel in a massive envelope. As said before, this hole is deep, too deep, making it difficult to be rational.

A week after the interview, he’s just about on the edge to complete numbness.

Maybe he’s been reading those hilarious dumb gossip magazines whenever his boyfriend was on the cover. Shut up. If he acknowledges the ridiculousness of that, it’ll only make it worse.

Finn feels weak for being this torn up after a breakup… or break. He’s had breakups before Poe, but none of them hurt like this. Does it ever just fucking stop?

Apparently not, because when he picks up the phone with Rey’s name flashing, Finn expects it to be another question of what’s going on. How he’s doing, or not even a question, but an order to let her in as she’s probably already standing in front of his building carrying ice cream and bad horror movies.

He doesn’t get why she doesn’t just use the key he got her already, but it’s still endearing. Except, “Turn on the radio.”

“What?

“Finn, turn on your radio. Trust me.”

And so he scrambles around, the determination in her voice definitely not something to mess around with. Finn eventually uncovers it underneath the mountain of Poe’s vinyl records, and while his best friend doesn’t even tell him what station she’s referring to, he’s got a feeling about it. Also, it’s the first station that pops through the speakers when he turns it on, so.

Then, he has absolutely no idea what to listen for. The hosts are making some jokes about the song they’re gonna play next, thereozing about a “lost love” , and Finn’s about to ask until he realises Rey’s hung up on him, and a text.

just wait. u won’t regret it.

It’s too ominous for his best friend’s usual shenanigans. He’s a little worried.

But unlike the last hellish, unbelievable four months, Finn doesn’t have much time to worry, before the voices announce, “We present an exclusive live performance from our new favorite heartthrob, Poe Dameron!”

Oh God. Oh God, oh shit, oh my god.

Naturally, Finn’s anxiety kicks in like a punch in his gut.

In fact, he’s about to pull up his best friend’s contact again, sick of hearing the single that Poe wrote for him and not even being able to revel in the feeling anymore. Only it’s not ‘cardigan’.

Four months ago, a few days before they decided to take a break, his boyfriend sent him a couple of voice notes, containing lyrics and guitar pieces and other bits for the album he wanted Finn’s approval on. He always wanted his opinion first. It makes him all warm again.

This song, however, is brand new, unheard to everyone’s ears. Including Finn.

  “I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit

Been saying "yes" instead of "no"

I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

I hit the ground running each night

I hit the Sunday matinée

You know the greatest films of all time were never made”

  The melody has the same calm like the other songs he’s heard, an image of fairytales and bare feet dancing in the woods and stars twinkling in the night.

The melancholy is unfamiliar, though.

  “I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now”

  Finn’s thumb hovers over Rey’s contact name, but he can’t bring himself to move.

It’s the alright part. Except, despite how much he tries to lie to himself, he swears to everything god that his boyfriend’s voice breaks over the word. It’s subtle enough that the interviewers could pass it on as him being hoarse, he reasons, but Poe can’t fool him.

He wants him to be okay. Actually, no, because being okay means not missing Finn like Finn misses him, and that would hurt more than anything he can imagine. But also, he’s too far away for a reassuring hand. That’s why he wants him to be okay.

  “But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you”

  For some reason, it’s only then it settles into Finn’s mind.

Oh.

Oh.

The song keeps going, and his emotions keep going, from the chaotic jumbled mess he’s become accustomed to a quiet buzz. He feels like his breathing’s slowed down, and a pocket in his heart is being emptied onto the floor.

Poe feels exactly the same way, he imagines. He has to.

Finn’s abandoned his phone somewhere unknown between the couch cushions, and he’s stuck staring at the empty wine bottle he hasn’t had the energy to get rid of, his microwave dinner half eaten, until his ex-boyfriend’s song comes to an end.

‘the 1’ is the title. He doesn’t know if he’s crying or not, which sounds a bit dumb in his own head.

“Poe Dameron!” one of the interviewers yells obnoxiously, clearly trying to hold in their excited giggling, “Those were quite emotional lyrics. I’m guessing there’s a story there somewhere?”

Finn could roll his eyes into the next century at that comment. Jesus Christ.

The singer’s complained about these kinds of people before, of course, he chuckles, politely, hesitantly, probably spinning the best way to avoid opening that door of vulnerability on open air, “I think everyone writes from their own experience, really.”

His voice has the same elegance and softness and gruff that makes Finn think of home, despite the tinny speakers and distraction that vibes off of him, all the way over in the states. It’s unbelievable.

The interview keeps going in the most standard way possible, a couple more questions Poe subtly circles around (including about dating, obviously), some jokes, and they eventually get to that segment where the listeners can call in and ask their own question to the dreamy man.

Some are boring, some are weird, some are intrusive, some are just teen voices in awe of his relatability and what not, mountains of flattery which his boyfriend is all too shy and starstruck to handle.

Finn bites his lip.

They repeat the number of the radio twice. The programme ends at nine. That means about forty five minutes of fan questions.

He shouldn’t. This is ridiculous. But what if… what?

Poe’s voice somehow carries his hand to fish the phone up again, though, like a strike of magic. And then the tone sounds, one, two, three, and it’s too late to take it back now. Shit.

“You’re live! Can our next lucky listener introduce yourself and your question?”

He tries so hard, desperately so, to swallow around the lump in his throat, seeming impossibly massive. The eerie silence is simply too painful to bear, though, so Finn squeezes his eyes shut hard for two seconds, before forcing the reply out.

“Yes, uh, hi. This is Finn Solo. From Pennsylvania.”

A beat. “Pennsylvania?! Well, honey, that’s actually Poe Dameron’s home state, isn’t it?”

Two beats. The singer clears his throat. “Yeah.” Clearly, he recognizes his voice in an instant. Well, obviously, he’d be shocked if he didn’t. Still, Finn feels like curling up in a ball and hiding from the world. He wonders if Rey’s listening, right now.

The interviewer seems unfazed from Poe’s hesitated answer, or they just choose to ignore it, he supposes. “The floor is yours, Finn. Ask ahead!”

So… how is he supposed to do this, again? 

This is the worst idea Finn’s had in his entire life. Seriously. And he accepted Rey’s dare to swing all the way up and around the swingset in fifth grade, he’s well aware of what reckless looks like. This is it.

Still, he’s stuck now. Poe’s listening to him. Kind of forced to.

And against his own better judgement, Finn silences the million overthinking thoughts in his inner ear by simply saying whatever hits him first, “Did you mean what you said? In the song?”

Seconds feel like fucking hours right now.

“Sorry, can you-” one of the hosts start, but he feels moved to continue. “When did you write it?”

It’s low, the feedback of his boyfriend’s microphone can just be made out. He prays that was only comprehensible enough for Poe’s own ears, because Finn could never possibly live with himself if he outed the person he loves most in the world. Seems so, given the interviewer once again asks the singer in confusion.

“What do you say, Poe? Do you need, uh… for him to elaborate?”

“No.” the man says simply, shyness seemingly having faded away in a glimpse. “Finn, I wrote this back in May.”

Four months ago. Same month as their FaceTime call.

“Only a week after our call. Took me five hours. I needed to get every word just right.” Poe says those words so steadily it shocks Finn. His hand feels numb and itchy around the tiny device, and one of the hosts gasps.

“I-” he starts, but has no idea where to go, where to turn. Finn didn’t expect any of this tonight. A deep breath is needed, “Do you mean… you wrote it about me?”

He feels like an absolute idiot for asking, even doubting it, but given the emotional rollercoaster he’s been through up until now, he’s grasping for straws of confirmation. Poe chuckles, barely audible.

“All my songs are about you, darling.”

What the fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Another gasp is heard in the studio, a little louder this time, but he sends a silent thanks, still, to them being too taken aback to intervene.

Okay, these are definitely tears in Finn’s eyes, now.

One rolls down, cool against his hot cheek, and he almost wants to laugh widely, processing what’s happening over and over in his brain.

What’s mostly replaying is the nickname that he’s missed… too much.

If they were in the same room, in front of each other, alone , he could say and ask a million things. This conversation is impossibly too vulnerable for open air, but Finn really thinks, really, that this step was needed. At least, it’s something he’s been longing to hear.

Instead of breaking down in the happiness and sadness he’s feeling, instead of talking about the miscommunication they’ve been the victim of, he smiles. Can’t stop. It’s hurting his whole face, actually, but his chest feels endlessly lighter.

“If… uh,” Finn chuckles at himself again, him and his stupid emotions, probably laced obviously in his voice, “Is there a chance that you still want to write songs about me?”

Poe laughs back, warmer and wobblier than before. “Of course. Of-fucking-course. There’s no one else I’d rather write about.”

Those hosts over there are probably freaking out big time, but Finn can’t bring himself to care much.

They sigh rather in unison. Him and his boyfriend. Breathing shaky and yet steadying themselves, almost. Together.

“Okay. Okay. Thank fuck,” he finds himself sniffling, “Okay.”

“They’ll always be about you.”

[megashadowdragon]

why ben solo deserved better

comments on youtube: 

You may think Ben Solo did not deserve mercy, but let's all remember this is a FICTIONAL universe and fictional characters. It's ok to indulge in wishful thinking, even if Ben would not be received with welcome arms on Earth even after his redemption. Dealing with a complicated character like that and trying to find a way to give him a future in the story is hard, I will admit. It's hard to know where someone's role in society is after they've betrayed and murdered since our answer usually ends in their execution or incarceration. But imagine an ending where Ben Solo is willing to answer for his crimes, Rey contends for him, and the future of the galaxy has hope. What we were given was NOT hope. Ben Solo simply deserved a better ending than he was given. He wasn't a soulless monster like Palpatine. He had remorse. He hesitated. His anger was fueled by his mistreatment and feelings of abandonment from his family. Comment below and tell me why/why not Ben Solo deserved a better ending. Even if you don't agree, do you think his abrupt death was satisfying?

I agree with a lot of your points. He 100% should have survived and it doesn't make any sense to me that they killed him off. Ben should have been given a chance to live and atone, he could've spent the rest of his life being a better man, despite other people scorning him at first. Ben and Rey are so powerful - they are stronger together and could've helped so many people in the galaxy. Surely there would still be pockets of the First Order out there - or whole planets of innocent people still enslaved that need their help. ( I have to point out that it was never clarified how many people knew kylo ren was ben solo and its quite likely that  only a small group knew ben was kylo ren so you wouldnt even need to consider the galaxy at wholes reaction for they could just claim kylo ren was dead while ben solo was still alive  (people didnt know anakin was vader for years )   and poe in resistance reborn talked about ex imperials atoning for their actions so  poe and the people who knew ben was kylo ren would be willing to accept ben   coming back and atoning for his  actions  . no prison  or exile  he would ahve a happy ending  with rey on naboo the place where anakin and padme would have raised luke and leia anidala being torn apart was the original sin  ) ( I am sick and tired of redemption equals death it sends the message that if you mess  up and go down the wrong path the only out is death that the most you can expect is finding a cause to die for its bs the notion that he had to die is bs

“the redemption = death bs doesnt give hope to anyone its like if you mess up you cant just make up for it

 ben deserved better because in the 30 years he lived he wanst truly happy and calm until his last 20 seconds of his life”

Western story writers and directors are too set on the idea of redemption of villains through death, it's an unhealthy all too common message I don't agree with, Vader's sacrifice meant something because he saved his son, but what about Leia? What does her sacrifice mean? Why is the final shot just a lone Rey in the desert with a robot? I'll never understand these decisions, it just doesn't work.

The whole Rey replaces Ben in the Skywalker line is just disgusting. Ben was "bad" so he didn't deserve the name but Rey is perfectly "good" so she does? Kids, if you ever do anything bad watch out because your family will find a good kid, replace you, and act like you never existed. Love Disney for that message.

. There’s a clear reverse Anakin/Padme thing going on for me as is. I just think they could have gone for that full reversal, where Ben lives instead of dies like Anakin essentially did when he became Vader. And then I’m always reminded of how little Ani wanted to “free the slaves” ... and while he didn’t have to take that literal route, atonement, or working to break broken systems, would have been a wonderful close to that part of the story as well. I thought it would be nice to tie his and Finn’s stories together a little in that regard.

I don't think they ever understood what they had story wise or character wise.  I don't think they ever knew what message these movies were supposed to have. TROS kept making strange story decisions without thinking through their implications.  With regard to Ben Solo, they give us two fake deaths after multiple characters sacrificed themselves for him, then kill him off for real.  That's the kind nonsense you find in the D-grade movies mocked on MST3K, not a Star Wars film.  Worse yet, they offer the audience no catharsis for Ben's death.  It happens suddenly; Rey had already given her "life force" to both the giant snake and Kylo/Ben and she's fine.  So the audience doesn't expect Ben to die when he gives his "life force" to her.  Then after his sudden death, he's not mourned.  Rey barely reacts.  He's not mentioned and his sacrifice is never discussed.  Then we don't even see his Force ghost.  The air got sucked out of the movie and it just ends with a thud.  It's like if Titanic had ended with Rose saying, "Oh well, I guess I'll just marry Cal" and it's "The End."

Ben Solo definitely deserved better & I truly thought we would get a happily ever after, a reversal of Anakin & Padme’s fate. I also thought the stormtroopers would side with the Resistance & that the reason Leia’s allies didn’t respond at the end of TLJ was because most were disguised as stormtroopers & mingled among the First Order. 🤡  I think the Skywalker saga has ended but the Solo saga will continue. 🤞🏻 The majority of fans LOVE Kylo/Ben and that’s a fact. The general audience loved & rooted for him without ever knowing his heartbreaking backstory & that he had been targeted by Palpatine from conception. Let’s hope Disney/Lf has an ace up their sleeve.

I actually thought Ben was going to live because JJ kept marketing the film as being happy, uplifting, hopeful, and Ben's arc being "fun." In 2015 he called Star Wars a "fairytale."  I had been waiting for Ben to reunite with his mother since 2015 & since 2017 to end up with Rey. Neither really happens because Ben dies, thus turning Star Wars into a tragedy that pretends it's not. We didn't even get a mother/som forceghost visual reunion as a "consolation prize". I was so sure we'd get an actual living redemption arc because I thought forgiveness and the healing of the family was their intention , but nope, just a complete annihilation of the Skywalker family. I left IX feeling depressed for all of Christmas break. ...And don't even get me started on the retcon of TLJ's Rey Nobody background setup and theme.Show less

You have to ask yourself this when thinking of Ben and Anakin. If Anakin fell to the dark side because he had an unhealthy selfish love for Padme but Ben rose from the dark side because he had a healthy selfless love for Rey. What message does it send to have both characters have the same fate when it comes to being with the women they love? (Split apart) What's the point of the saga if nothing anyone does means anything? JJ and Chris failed to ask themselves these important questions.

the theme of the original trilogy was love, hope, family, forgiveness, redemption 

lucas described the star wars as a space fairy tale soap opera    about love, family , hope forgiveness, redemption  the skywalker saga is a family saga about the skywalker family killing off ben breaks that for it ends the saga in tragedy where every last skywalker has died   the line has ended palpatine won bens abusers won 

george lucas quote about story being a family-oriented fairytale of hope, love and redemption (not to mention he hates killing anyone unnecessarily bens death wasnt necessary and goes against star wars themes

George Lucas: *talks for forty years about fairy tales and HEAs and not wanting to kill characters

( this is why lucas didnt kill any of the main cast be they the trio or otherwise and chewbacc killing off ( killing off ben goes against that ( ben was a mc he was part of the narrative trio ( no matter how many antis try to claim otherwise and claim it was rey finn and poe when no ) or act like bendemption wasnt set up from day one.  ( ben, rey, and finn were all main characters

on the comparison  between benVader died as a middle-aged man in ill health with two living children who would carry on in the light after a golden period in his life where he was a prosperous jedi knight, Ben died a healthy 30-year-old with no family or good phase in his life, plus Vader's sacrifice was instrumental in his redemption while Ben's sacrifice happened after redemption out of narrative contrivance, they are not the same

@emeraldspiral

@a-manda-lorian

@frumfrumfroo

[ichigo-daifuku]

Solstice

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Relationships: Todoroki Family; Hawks/Todoroki Fuyumi Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending Word Count: 3.8k | AO3 Link | @todofammonth

Todoroki Family Month, Day 13: Love

Synopsis: Fuyumi’s heartbreaks came in the form of three scars on the left side of three people’s faces.

Warning: The following contains spoilers for the Pro Hero Arc and the Paranormal Liberation War Arc.

夏炉冬扇 | かろとうせん | karotōsen

lit. summer fires and winter fans; useless, untimely things.

At the tender age of twelve, Fuyumi bore the burden of being someone who had the usefulness of a fire during summer.

It began as a flicker of a flame during her younger years until something happened and set the sentiment ablaze within her soul: her mother’s breaking point. With everything Endeavor had put Rei through, Rei snapped, ended up hurting Shoto, and had to be taken away from home. Endeavor had mentioned Rei’s weak constitution time and again, but to Fuyumi, her mother had been anything but weak. Rei had been the one holding their family together, or at least, with all the strength she could muster, she had tried to. Without Rei, everything began to fall apart. Amidst the chaos, Fuyumi promised herself she would take care of her brothers. She gave it her all, but there was only so much a young girl like her could do. 

No matter how much she prayed for his return, Toya was gone, and Fuyumi held the role of the eldest Todoroki sibling in his absence. The first few days had been the most difficult. She and Natsuo would try to play together as they usually did, but nothing was the same any longer. Natsuo, who had been closest to Toya, would be so angry at their father, at himself, and at life—so much so that he ended up crying while pouring his heart out to her, the only person who was around to listen. She patted his back and grieved in silence, concealing her feelings of helplessness through speaking words of comfort to Natsuo.

In a short time, two members of their family had left them: their mother, indefinitely; their eldest brother, forever.

At a loss, Fuyumi longed to see her mother so badly, but when she took the train to Tokyo and asked the receptionist of Fujiya Hospital which room number Todoroki Rei was staying in, she was told her mother was in no state to receive visitors yet. Fuyumi couldn't argue, so she went home without complaint and stayed inside her room for the rest of the day. Her body felt numb as she wallowed in her gloomy thoughts, and a part of her came to the conclusion that if it was hard for her, then it was harder for Natsuo, and hardestfor Shoto.

The limited amount of interaction she shared with her youngest brother made her feel as if they were strangers to each other. On most days, she would catch a glimpse of his white and crimson hair before leaving for school, and when she was lucky, she would see him again when she arrived in the afternoon. However, some days passed when their paths never crossed at all. Fuyumi wouldn't dare voice out her thoughts regarding the matter, but she envied the other girls in her class. Their fathers or older brothers would come to pick them up after school and carry them on their backs to the playground, and they were free to dote on their little brothers as much as they wanted to. She could do neither of those. Although the Todoroki family was traditional, they were far from the usual.

Night fell. Everyone in the house was supposed to be asleep, but Fuyumi was struck with the inclination to see Shoto. The events surrounding their household plagued her mind as of the recent and kept her awake until the wee hours. Tonight was no exception, and she was certain it would be the same case for him. As quietly as she could manage, she tiptoed to Shoto’s room, slid the door open, and entered. Once she spotted him sitting on the futon, a blanket covering his legs and feet, she closed the door.

Fuyumi stepped closer until she neared his hunched form. “Shoto.”

Shoto lifted his head and sniffled, returning her stare with a blank expression on his face. His burn wound had been treated at the hospital and was well enough to be unbandaged. A scar as red as the color of the left side of his hair marred his angelic face. 

Trembling, Fuyumi lost the feeling of her legs and fell to her knees in front of her brother, her vision blurry.

“Sis...” Shoto whispered, sounding worried.

“I’m sorry, Shoto,” Fuyumi said, her voice cracking. Carefully, she reached out and took his little form in her arms, combing her fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

Shoto kept quiet. He shivered, and his body was wracked by silent sobs, dampening her clothed shoulder. “I miss Mom.”

“I wish she was here, too.”

“Do you think she’ll be able to come back soon?”

Fuyumi didn’t know how to break the news to him but decided to be honest. “I tried to visit her at the hospital a while ago, but I wasn’t able to see her.”

“Why not?”

“The nurse told me she wasn’t well enough for visitors yet.”

Shoto sobbed harder. He was so young, and all Fuyumi could think of was how he didn’t deserve any of this. Both in the physical and emotional sense, Shoto was scarred for life. The permanence of it all drove the tears Fuyumi had been holding back to stream down her cheeks.

Her brother was suffering, and she was unable to do anything for him.

For most of her life, Endeavor considered Fuyumi a failure in his life, someone who had the purpose of a fan during winter.

When her Quirk manifested, she had been excited to show it to him. Young and naïve, she believed she would be able to train with him and Toya and finally be able to spend time with them, but the moment her father saw frost instead of flames, he had looked away and turned his back on Fuyumi. Her Quirk disqualified her from being his successor, and Endeavor, driven by his selfish motivations, lost his interest in her. No matter how many books Fuyumi read, or how well she did at school, or how much she wished for it, he never spared her a second glance.

Fuyumi stared at the Endeavor doll on her desk. He was her father, so why did he treat her the way he did? Did he love her? Did he consider her as his child? His flesh and blood? She couldn’t tell. Questions such as those floated inside her head, but she was afraid to know the answer. At night, she would end up crying herself to sleep because she has never felt that she was good enough to be his daughter.

After Rei had been hospitalized, Fuyumi would offer her assistance in the kitchen during her free time. She enjoyed cooking, and it provided her something else to think about instead of the negative sentiments in her life. While she waited for dinner to commence, she would flip through the television channels and watch soap operas. One time, she came across a news report about Endeavor being the Pro Hero with the highest tally of resolved cases in history. As the reporter interviewed a few of the civilians Endeavor saved, she wondered if the price for the safety and lives of others were the happiness and lives of her family.

Years passed, and a miracle happened sometime after Shoto attended U.A. High School. The shift in Enji’s life was gradual, but nonetheless, existent. Fuyumi would never forget the first time she felt it. One Friday afternoon, she exited the gates of the elementary school she taught at and found him leaning against the side of his parked car outside, his arms crossed, waiting.

Once he spotted her waving at him with a surprised expression on her face, he opened the door and gestured inside with a nod. “Let’s go home.”

Fuyumi paused, unsure of what spurred on her father’s strange behavior, but decided not to question it. “Okay.”

The way home was filled with silence. At first, it had been awkward, but as the minutes ticked by, she calmed down. Halfway through the car ride, the sudden realization that, for the first time in a long time, she felt comfortable in his presence, made her sigh.

“How was your day?” Enji asked out of the blue, his eyes trained on the last of the pedestrians crossing the road.

“It was… good,” she replied and meant it. The traffic light struck green, and they continued on their way. “One of the girls got her Quirk today, so that was exciting.”

“I see.”

“What about you, Dad? How did your day go?”

Everything they talked about had been so mundane, but it was the first time it happened. No one knew how she cried that night with her heart full of mixed emotions, a spark of hope igniting inside her heart. 

From then on, her father picked her up from work when he wasn’t busy, sent her messages, and gave her souvenirs from his frequent trips—little things that didn’t seem like much, but meant the world to Fuyumi.

The day after the failure of a family meal she organized following Endeavor’s battle in Fukuoka, she found herself sharing a meal with her father in a traditional Japanese restaurant in the vicinity of the Endeavor Hero Agency. Her father didn’t mention it, but this was a way for him to make it up to her for souring Natsuo’s mood, even though the purpose of the get-together had been to thank him and to welcome him back home in the first place. Fuyumi couldn’t blame Natsuo for feeling resentful. In fact, she was the one who understood Natsuo’s feelings best as she, too, had suffered from the neglect of their father. At least, she had found out Shoto shared a similar point of view as hers which furthered her hope. Perhaps, it was selfish of her to dream of being a proper family, but when they finally had this chance, she would never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t grasp it.

As she sat across Enji, the scar on the left side of his face reminded her of the horrific encounter her father faced, the battle which she witnessed through a screen. “Dad.”

“Hm?”

“That villain you fought last time… The one which scarred your face...”

“Nomu.”

“Yes.”

“What about them?”

“Are there more of them?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “I believe there are more of those which are of the same caliber as the one in Kyushu, but a lot of those we have encountered are weaker versions of them.”

She sighed, placed her chopsticks down, and took a sip of her tea, unable to find the words to say.

“There’s no need to worry, Fuyumi.”

Even so, she did worry. Heroes lived in constant danger, and Endeavor was no stranger to that reality. Although she had faith in his abilities as a Pro Hero, his encounter with High End had cut it close. What if another Nomu—or another more powerful villain—attacked him? She refused to consider it, but she had to: what if he didn’t emerge from the battle as luckily as he did the last time? Endeavor was now the Number One Hero, and while he was thrust into the position in a manner that dissatisfied him, he was exerting all of his efforts to deserve the position. As for the person who was behind the costume, Enji, there were things he wanted to do for his family still, a brighter future he strived for those he had wronged. What if because of those villains, he wouldn’t be able to do it?

Enji was trying his hardest to repent for the sins he had committed against his family. He was doing all he could, but as Fuyumi gave her father a small smile and dropped the subject, though unspoken, both of them wondered if his best would be good enough.

Fuyumi wished there was a way for her to ease his burden, but whether or not he would succeed in being deserving of the title ‘Number One Hero’ and ‘Father’ was something out of her hands.

Even to the man she fell in love with, Fuyumi remained a fire in summer and a fan in winter.

The dysfunctional family she grew up in didn’t deter her desire to have a family of her own one day. The things she wanted and did not want in a family were clear to her as crystal. All her life, she believed she would end up with a fellow civilian, but all of her assumptions went straight out of the window the moment a certain someone barged inside her life: Hawks.

By chance, they met when she and her father were having dinner with some of his sidekicks. Much to Endeavor’s irritation, Hawks came in unannounced and sat in front of them. Fuyumi recognized him the second her eyes landed on his winged form; he was the hero who battled High End alongside her father. It was strange how the two of them were the same in age, but the responsibility he carried on his shoulders as a hero was multiple times the weight of what she had on her own. Still, he proved to be an easy person to talk to. He loved to joke around, even at the expense of her father. Somehow, the way Hawks would meet her eyes as they carried out a lighthearted conversation, genuinely interested in what she had to say, made her heartbeat race. In passing, he mentioned his lack of interest in nurturing the next generation which piqued her interest as she was the opposite—it was what she yearned to accomplish in her lifetime.

To Fuyumi’s surprise, Hawks surreptitiously slipped a small sheet of paper in her palm before they parted ways: it was his contact information. All night, she had thought nothing of it, assuming his flirtatious smile and behavior was something typical for him, but when he started inviting her to casual hangouts whenever he happened to be around Musutafu, she thought twice and dared for her thoughts to wander into uncharted territory.

Once, Hawks dropped by the elementary school Fuyumi taught at. He greeted and played with the children, claiming he wanted to witness what it was like to nurture the next generation out of sheer curiosity. As she watched him smile and laugh while he gave the kids a turn to be lifted in the air, she concluded he had nothing to worry about in that matter.

The closer she got to him, the more she wanted to know. The sentiment turned out to be mutual, and the rest was history. From his witty remarks to the bravery that flowed in his veins, Fuyumi couldn’t find anything that wasn’t worth admiring. Before she knew it, she had fallen deeply in love with Hawks. Even if there were fragments of his life she has yet to discover and memories of her own she has yet to tell him, for now, it was fine—they were fine. When they were both ready to share those aspects of themselves, they would cross that bridge together.

Everything was going well until she was reminded of the things his status as a hero entailed.

Hawks, who was handpicked by the Hero Public Safety Commission to train as a hero from a young age, succeeded Endeavor in being the Number Two Hero. As the circumstances called for it, he had to serve as a double-agent in the Paranormal Liberation Front, and it came with consequences. An inevitable war transpired between the heroes and the villains. Hawks had been on the verge of dying at the hands of a villain, but one of his interns, a student from U.A. High School and Shoto’s classmate, Tsukuyomi, had saved him.

Hawks made it out alive, but the aftermath of the war led his future to uncertainty.

The familiar scent of antiseptic filled her nostrils as she knocked on the door of the hospital room he was staying at. She braced herself, unsure of what to expect, and entered. Hawks was lying down on his bed as he greeted her with a smile like he always did. Half of his face, his arms, and torso were all wrapped in bandages. She kissed the top of his head and placed the flowers she brought for him on the vase over his bedside table, adding color to the plain white walls and flooring of his room.

“You have to eat,” Fuyumi insisted when she noticed that his tray of food remained untouched.

“But Fuyumi…” Hawks whined, his lips curved into a frown, “your cooking is a thousand times better than what they serve here.”

“I’ll bring you food when you’re not on a strict diet anymore, how does that sound?”

“Like heaven.”

With her gentle request and assistance, he proceeded to sit up and eat his food, any discomfort he was feeling imperceptible. All the while, he asked her many things like how she has been, what she has been up to, and if she missed him. She answered each one while matching his cheerful manner: she has been safe but worried, she learned how to cook a new chicken dish she thought he would like, and yes, she did miss him—a lot.

When the doctor came in a few hours later to check on his condition, a nurse in tow to assist him in changing his bandages, Hawks turned to her and asked, “Want to go buy us some drinks from the vending machine downstairs?”

She returned his gaze, her voice calm as she replied, “It’s alright. I can handle seeing this.”

In the corner of the room, she sat down and observed. As the doctor and the nurse unwrapped his bandages, Fuyumi refused to blink, both curious and afraid to find out the extent of his injuries.

A burn scar marred the left side of his face, and he could barely open his eyelid. His bushy eyebrow and the long eyelashes she had admired when she stared at his side profile were both thinned. The doctor and the nurse began to remove the bandages around his torso. Fuyumi had noticed it—of course, she had—but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of his injured back and the absence of his wings. She froze, her clenched hands trembling and her eyes stinging with unshed tears. The sound of his voice as he cracked jokes with the medical professionals while they treated his injuries barely registered in her mind.

After a few reminders, the doctor and the nurse left. Fuyumi returned to the seat beside his bed. A wistful smile graced his lips, and she returned it with one of her own. 

“The streaks in your hair,” Hawks said, reaching out to touch her hair gently, “they’re like my feathers, aren’t they?”

Fuyumi kept quiet. 

Aside from their color and pointed shape, those two things were anything but similar. His feathers had traveled far and wide, heard and witnessed countless stories, and saved lives. Her hair was simply a unique feature she possessed, neither special nor heroic. She hoped he wouldn’t notice how her eyes had glazed through her eyeglasses, but as fate would have it, his exposed eye was as sharp as ever.

“Come here,” he urged, his arms wide open.

She obliged and sat on the bed. When he removed her eyeglasses and wrapped her in his embrace—the warm, familiar, and loving embrace she missed—she broke down. Her tears fell freely, uncontrollably. 

He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, tucking her head underneath his chin. “Shh… It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”

She choked back another sob, taking a few moments to compose herself before replying, “When I first visited and saw you unconscious, I-I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up. I’m just… I’m so relieved you’re alive.”

He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Fuyumi shook her head. She should be the one comforting him and not the other way around, but ever since her last conversation with him before the war, she had been terrified. He had sounded as if he had been prepared to die. She wanted so terribly to ask about his past, what happened to him, who was the villain who injured him gravely, and what transpired during his espionage mission, but she knew better not to. It wasn’t the right time for it. For now, his recovery was the top priority, and Fuyumi would be there for him every step of the way, no matter what happened.

“I love you,” she told him.

“Fuyumi,” he whispered, “I love you more.”

If it were a normal day, she would have argued that it was she who loved him the most, but although it seemed like it was, today was anything but normal. Fuyumi wept for Hawks, uncertain if he would be able to soar high as he used to or if the sixth sense he had through each of his crimson feathers would ever return. The familiar feeling of helplessness crept inside her, making her question if her love meant anything at all.

In the end, Fuyumi could do nothing for Keigo.

The walk from the hospital to the train station had been short as she navigated through the streets in a daze, her feet taking her to her destination before she realized it. With the rush hour over, the crowd waiting for the train had thinned. Fuyumi stood alone, staring into space, her eyes still red-rimmed from crying. Her fingers trembled as she combed them through her short hair. Once she finished tying it in a ponytail, she opted to rest her hands inside her coat pockets. 

Memories of her family flashed inside her mind one by one. As if it was only yesterday, she contemplated the comfort she sought and the warmth she longed to give. She thought of Keigo, whom she promised to visit again tomorrow, and worried for him endlessly.

Today had been another reminder of her likeness to a fire in summer and a fan in winter, but once again, Fuyumi took a deep breath and exhaled with a resolve: to wait. 

She would wait for the day she would be able to do something for those she loved. She would wait for the time she would be able to protect them and be the one to tell them everything was going to be fine. She would wait until it was her season, until she was a fan in summer and a fire in winter.

Fuyumi had no way of knowing when it was going to happen, but deep within her laid faith for that time to come one day.

The train was set to arrive in five minutes.

Until then, she waited.

I would like to thank my good friend, ReverberatingEchoes, for proofreading this work!

I really love the idea of Hawks and Fuyumi together, so I'm happy I was able to write something that included them as a pairing 〜♩є(･Θ･｡)э

Thank you for reading!

BNHA Masterlist | Main Masterlist

[antisocial-af]

Day 6: Reyhill /SH Bingo Fill

It was never my intention to let both my personal Holiday venture and the Shadowhunters Bingo mix but if the shoe fits.

Title: One Line at a Time

Square Filled: Friends Got Them Together (For @shadowhunterbingo​)

25 Days of Pairings: Day 6 Reyhill

Raiting: G

Wordcount: 2285

No Major Archive Warnings

SFW, Holiday Fluff, Human AU, Meet-Cute.

Summary:

Lorenzo follows his friend to visit Magnus’ fiance’s bookstore.

Click Here to Read on Ao3

Story:

Lorenzo followed after Bane as he led them down the snow-covered New York streets. He would rather be in his warm apartment right now, curled up reading or setting up a place for his latest historical purchase. Still, he couldn’t resist the call from his long time friend to come to look at Magnus’ fiance’s new bookshop. 

Magnus had assured Lorenzo that Alexander, a name reserved only to Magnus, had a vast stock of antique books. Lorenzo didn’t know if Magnus was trying to be a supporting fiance, or if he was attempting to be a good friend, or even both, but he wasn’t about to pass up a chance at adding something to his collection.

As they grew closer to the bookstore, he could see the modest grand opening sign and a few holiday decorations someone must’ve put up. Magnus had mentioned that, since Alec, what everyone was allowed to call him, had just opened, and he only had one other person working with him currently. 

Lorenzo thanked whatever deity or being that seemed to be watching over him as they walked up to the storefront, making their way inside. A soft chime broke the overall silence of the store. He welcomed the heat pulling him into the bookshop, allowing the tension caused by the cold to bleed away from him. 

“Welcome,” a voice greeted them from behind the small counter by the entrance. 

“Hello, darling,” Magnus greeted the man. “I brought my friend I told you about.”

Lorenzo turned to see Magnus had already gravitated towards said counter or, more appropriately, to his fiance. 

“Magnus,” Alec responded with a shy smile, “Right, you said he might be interested in the antique books.” 

“It’s nice to meet the man who finally managed to tame Magnus,” Lorenzo greeted, receiving a glare and scoff from his friend. “Lorenzo Rey, thank you for making Mangus more bearable at work.” 

“Alec Lightwood,” Alec responded with a smile and a blush at the statement. “We don’t have the cafe opened yet, but I could make us some coffee while you browse the book section.” 

“I wasn’t aware you would be opening a cafe along with your bookshop. It sounds like a profitable venture.” Lorenzo praised. 

“Yes, my Alexander is always ambitious when it comes to his goals,” Magnus added and held Alec’s hand. “Why don’t we go make that coffee, darling? Lorenzo, I’m sure you can look around for a few minutes till we return.” 

“Coffee does sound good,” Lorenzo confirmed and watched as Magnus led Alec away. Magnus turned around and gave Lorenzo a pointed glare as he held Alec’s hand closer. 

Lorenzo chuckled softly and turned his attention back to the bookcases. Maybe he shouldn’t mess with Magnus too much. He thought as he skimmed through the covers. 

He could smell the combination of ink on pages, hints of coffee, and earth, all indications that there might be something in this store that held some age. Lorenzo went deeper in between bookcases, fleeting over the authors’ names. 

A small flash of blonde hair pulled him from his search. Lorenzo looked again and saw through the books a man on the other side, struggling with a box. The small glimpses the shelves allowed, peeked at his investigative nature, and had his feet moving to the other side of the bookcase before he knew it. 

Andrew grunted as he set down the heavy box of decorations. He knew it was fair because he pulled the short stick. 

They had pulled sticks to see who would have to deal with putting up decorations, while the other greeted the customers. Andrew had been on board with the idea on the grounds of fairness, till he was the one who ended up struggling to put up the lights and paper snowflakes. 

He thought of how he still had to drag the ladder from the backroom to finish putting the lights at the front of the store as well. Andrew had put the basics earlier, the ones he could reach without it,  but had to finish decorating now.  

“Hello.” 

A voice startled Andrew, causing him to drop the box of decorations. He had been in the back, so he hadn’t heard anyone come in.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Lorenzo apologized, honestly feeling bad that he had made the other man jump. 

“It’s okay, no harm,” Andrew dismissed as he stepped forward to offer his hand. “I’m Andrew, the other half of Cherub Books.” 

As Andrew moved forward, he didn’t notice the round ornament under his foot and slipped on it. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the fall. 

Lorenzo moved quickly and caught him. 

“Fitting name when I have an angel falling into my arms.”

Andrew had been caught up in waiting for the impact, that it took him a bit to come to terms that he was no longer colliding with the floor, and even more for his brain to process what was going on.

Someone had caught him.

That, someone, had also happened to call him an angel.  

The man was currently cradling him, meaning neither their proximity nor his pale skin helped hide his tinting cheeks. Andrew looked up at the man through his curly hair, still trying to ignore his embarrassment. 

“Thank you for catching me, but how do you know I haven’t fallen from grace instead?” Andrew didn’t know what overcame him, but the way the man’s chocolate eyes were staring at him had the response tumbling out faster than his filters. 

“I think much like a good book Andrew, it’ll be impossible to find out about you with just one glance,” Lorenzo steadied Andrew on his feet and stepped back. He was enjoying the answer he got from the other. “My name is Lorenzo Rey, and it is a pleasure to meet you.” 

“I see you met my co-owner,” Alec’s voice silenced whatever Andrew was about to respond. 

They both turned back to see Alec and Magnus holding four mugs between them both. 

“I’ve had the honor.” 

Magnus rolled his eyes at Lorenzo’s antics but noticed how Andrew’s face kept trying to find a deeper shade of red to shift to and smirked.  Payback for all the teasing, Rey. 

“Andrew, I made you a coffee since you’ve been helping out Alexander all day.” Magnus stepped forward and offered the mug to the man. 

“Oh, um, thank you, Magnus,” Andrew accepted the cup. At this point, his brain was running on autopilot after completely shutting down at Lorenzo’s words. 

“Why don’t you show Lorenzo where our antique book section is?” Alec added as he caught onto what Magnus was doing. He stepped forward and handed Lorenzo his cup of coffee. 

“But the decorations.” Andrew pointed out for some reason. He didn’t exactly know why. He was looking forward to the idea of talking to Lorenzo more and not having to drag around a ladder. 

“I’m sure Alexander and I can manage them,” Magnus said as he waved them off. “Lorenzo has been looking for something new to add to his life. Maybe you could assist him, Andrew.” 

As much as Lorenzo enjoyed his friend’s support, it was currently annoying. He was more than capable of wooing the bookshop keeper. 

“I wouldn’t be against the idea,” Lorenzo agreed as he sipped his coffee, stealing glimpses of Andrew. “That is if it’s okay with you, Andrew?” 

“I can do it.” Andrew quickly confirmed, surprising himself in the process. He pushed the box over to Alec and Magnus with his foot and turned back to Lorenzo with a shy smile. “What kind of books are you looking for exactly?”

Magnus sent a warning look to Lorenzo over Andrew’s turned back before pulling a silently chuckling Alec behind him. 

“I don’t have a specific taste. I’m sure you could show me something interesting.” 

Lorenzo relished the way Andrew pushed his curls from his face in an attempt to cover his blush, but it only served to allow the man to admire him more. 

“Follow me then.” Andrew turned and started to lead them through the shelves, every once in a while, peeking behind him to check Lorenzo was still following. He swore that was the only reason. 

They both made their way deeper through the forest of books, sipping their warm beverages along the way. 

“These three shelves are what we have out currently,” Andrew turned and pointed them out for Lorenzo. “We do ask that you leave beverages on the tables outside the shelves, though. We don’t want to have to charge you for an unwanted book because of an accident.” 

Lorenzo smiled and placed his cup on the small ornate table. 

“Understandable. I hate it when precious things get filthy as well.”

Andrew cursed at himself internally for allowing his blush to return. He had spent the whole walk here calming himself down, so he wouldn’t ruin his chances with Lorenzo. Now here he was, blushing like an idiot again. 

Lorenzo noticed how the other man started to fidget again, and recalled how Magnus had always warned him that his abrasive flirting could sometimes intimidate rather than compliment the person. He stepped away from Andrew, allowing his eyes to instead skim over the worn backs of the books. He was delightfully surprised by that. He had expected that, like the others who claimed to have antique books, they would be modern replicas, but the shelf seemed to hold second and third editions and even some firsts. The books’ binding looked fragile as if they could give away at any turn. Lorenzo knew better, though. He knew how well they used to craft books.  

Lorenzo’s eyes were drawn to a thin third edition poem book. After he carefully released it from its spot, he skimmed through the pages and recited some of the poems internally. He flipped to a new page and immediately recognized the delicate words. 

“ Nothing in the world is single; All things by a law divine, ” Lorenzo recited as he read through it softly. 

“ In one spirit meet and mingle. Why not I with thine?-- ” 

Lorenzo looked up from the book to where Andrew stood, reciting the same poem by memory. 

“ See the mountains kiss high heaven, ” he continued. 

“ And the waves clasp one another, ” Andrew shyly responded as he walked closer to Lorenzo. 

“I didn’t know you were into poetry,” 

“It is a beautiful piece. It tries to show that it is natural for another person to reach for another, because it is done as well by nature.” Andrew explained, meeting Lorenzo’s eyes. He didn’t know why he found himself drawn to this stranger, but if the poem wasn’t a sign for Andrew to give whatever this could be a shot, he didn’t know what was. 

“Agreed,” Lorenzo smiled, closing the book to instead focus on Andrew. “I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but would you be in-” 

“Lorenzo, there you are,” Magnus’ voice stopped his proposition midway. “Dot called to let me know that our London customer wants to move up our meeting to an hour from now.” 

Magnus stopped himself from pushing Lorenzo to hurry up when he noticed how close Andrew and his co-worker were to each other. 

“I’ll wait outside while you finish checking out.” Magnus winked and turned, leaving the pair alone once again. 

“I cou-could help you check out.” Andrew offered as he cleared his throat. 

“Seems like our time has been cut short,” Lorenzo sighed as he nodded at the offer. He followed Andrew to the counter. 

Andrew went through the motions of checking a customer out. He slipped the small poem book into a bag and offered it to Lorenzo. 

“I hope you visit us again, Lorenzo.” Andrew smiled. He hoped Lorenzo would come back. Maybe next time, he might have the courage to ask the man for his number, maybe. Andrew shook his head slightly at the thought to stop it in its tracks. 

“I was wondering if you would like to see each other sooner,” Lorenzo proposed, taking the book from Andrew. 

“To talk about the store?” Andrew asked, confused. 

“We could, or we could get to know each other better.” 

“Like a date?” 

“I would hope so,” Lorenzo finished, handing Andrew his cellphone number. “I have to go right now, but you could text or call me, and we can set it up.” 

Andrew took the card and held it close. His mind was still trying to process once again, something Lorenzo had said to him. 

“I’ll text you,” Andrew confirmed with a wide smile. 

“I look forward to it.” 

“You might want to go now,” Andrew said as he ducked away a bit. He could see Alec and Magnus stealing looks at them, and whispering something back and forth, “I think Magnus might get impatient if you keep him waiting.” 

“Bane does tend to get impatient easily,” Lorenzo confirmed with a sigh. “See you soon, Andrew.” 

“See you soon, Lorenzo.”

Lorenzo tried to tame his expression as he came out of the store. He didn’t want to give Magnus the satisfaction of knowing he helped him score a date. 

“All done, Lorenzo?” Magnus teased as he saw Andrew faking to clean up a shelf near the front window. 

Lorenzo rolled his eyes and growled as he passed by. He had been working with the man for five years now, and while at first, their rivalry had been harsh, that had grown into Magnus being the annoying sibling he was okay with being around. 

“I may need you to cover for me some days,” Lorenzo offered as he watched Alec and Magnus say their goodbyes. Love looked good on his friend. 

[mosswillow]

The People You Love Chapter 13

A/N: Hey, look at me not being lazy and adding the chapter to Tumblr too.

Warnings and Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, Protective Ben Solo, Alpha Ben Solo, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Mating, Cycles/In Heat, Mating Bond, Knotting, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, unconscious medical procedure (chapter 6), Emotional Hurt, Suicidal thoughts (very mild no actual planning) ch 8, Did I already mention emotional hurt?, Emotional hurt (once more for good measure.) Slow Burn, Implied/referenced attempted suicide (not described in detail) (not Rey) (ch 15), some violence, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted assault (ch 14)

AO3 link

By clicking keep reading you confirm that you’re an adult over the age of 18

The seconds tick closer to midnight and Rey gets to work digging through her room. She finds a bag and fills it with some papers from her file, clothes, the money card Leia gave her, and toiletries. Minutes before it’s time to run the room becomes clear, like she put on a pair of glasses. It’s sharp and bright, every detail jumping out at her. The specs of dust in the air float around her and she stares at the room taking in every detail. Her head starts feeling light and she realizes she’s stopped breathing. There’s hesitation. Anxiety. Maybe it’s fear or maybe guilt, she doesn’t know. Her mind turns to what will happen to the Solo’s. She knows, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, that running away from them will fuck their lives up. The moment she leaves her room she’ll be doing something she can’t take back.

It takes several deep breaths and hyping herself up to cut the bracelet and climb out of the window. The climb down is easier this time. She hits the ground after a few short minutes and starts running, making it down the street before she has to stop to catch her breath. She feels elated, free and happy, the world is open to her.

Then the initial adrenaline rush dissipates and her heartrate settles. She’s left alone in a dark alleyway. It’s a sliver of freedom and she wonders if it will be worth it. She hopes so.

She makes her way to the closest bus stop and reads the map, running her hand over the spot where Finn and Poe’s house is. She knows it’s where she needs to go. It’s the only way she can think to get home.

“Where to honey?” A tired looking woman says.

Rey almost turns around and goes back. What if the letter says something she doesn’t want to hear? What if something terrible happens? She takes a deep breath and hands over her money card before climbing in a large bus to start her journey. The island was an illusion, it held a life that did not exist. The illusion is broken now and all that’s left is the reality that the facade was built around. Rey is tired of everyone knowing more about her than herself. Even if something horrible happens or if what she finds out breaks her heart she has to go. She can’t live her life knowing that there’s truth out there and she didn’t go find it when she got the chance.

-o-

It takes over twenty four hours to finally reach the charming little house she once knew. Rey was so focused on getting away that she hadn’t considered how it would feel to be back. As she stands outside hyping herself up she goes through a range of different emotions. Anger at first that they gave her away without even talking to her first. Then she feels a sense of loss thinking about how much she cared for them, how she felt loved and safe and like she was part of a family. She misses that feeling and it hits her that she may never feel that way again.

She waits until she’s sure they’re fast asleep before walking to the back door and trying the handle. It turns easily; they never did lock the doors. She tiptoes through the house and stops at a picture frame. It’s her, she doesn’t even know when it was taken. She picks it up and looks at it, almost feeling guilty about what she has to do.

“Your mate called, told us when you would be here. He wants you to call him.”

Rey jumps and looks over to see Finn and Poe standing across the room. She puts the photo down and makes eye contact.

“Are you going to call him now?”

“Do you want us to?”

“Does it matter?”

Finn slowly walks towards Rey and she backs up in response looking at Finn with distrust and heartbreak. He stops and slackens his shoulders.

“We should have told you before he showed up here, we were afraid you would run off.”

Rey crosses her arms and takes another step back.

“Why are you here Rey, are you ok?” Finn asks.

Rey looks back and forth between Finn and Poe before dropping her arms and giving up.

“My grandfather left me something on the island.”

There’s a pause and then Rey watches their eyebrows raise in unison as they understand.

“You need our boat.”

Rey nods.

“So you were just going to steal it?”

She nods again.

“I was going to bring it back after.”

“We could get in a lot of trouble for helping you, you know that right?” Poe says.

Rey walks over to the couch and plops down putting her face in her lap. Finn comes next to her and rubs small circles on her back.

“We’ll take you there,” He says quietly.

Rey pauses for a moment as his words wash through her. She feels a mix of relief and resignation. Even in the time she was on her own she still had to rely on others. She puts her arm around Finn and leans against him. Maybe relying on others isn’t a bad thing and fighting the instinct to form attachments only ends up leaving her hurt. She doesn’t trust Finn and Poe, at least not the way she did before but she also isn’t angry.

“Thank you.” She whispers

They don’t waste much time. Poe makes a sandwich for Rey and they hitch up the boat. It’s a long and cold ride to the island. Seeing land is a relief and yet Rey finds herself unable to move as they dock. The night she left was one the most difficult of her life. Flashbacks play in her head and she half expects a group of men to come running at her from the house.

“Do you want us to come with you?” Poe asks

“No,” She breathes before steadying herself and starting the walk to the house.

The island looks exactly the same and somehow wildly different than what she remembers. As she looks around at all the familiar rocks and trees she begins to understand that the island isn’t what’s different, She is. Her eyes have changed, giving her the ability to see the headache inducing complexity of shapes and colors that were blended and muddied before. Beautiful memories of her childhood sit beside the knowledge of lies and control. She can see it all and it overwhelms her.

It doesn’t take her long to find where the letter is hidden. She opens it with shaky hands and reads the last words her grandfather wrote to her.

-o-

Rey,

You probably have so many questions and I’ll do my best to answer them before I have to do what I have to do. I’m going to die now, I’ll make sure they kill me or I’ll shoot myself. I can’t be brought in and questioned. If they find you they’ll use you against me until I crack. There are people who count on me, what I know could bring down an entire organization.

You’re what’s called an Omega. The medication I give you suppresses it, but even with the medication it’s who you are. Omegas are kind and caring, meant to serve others. They’re also strong and resilient, I know you’ll escape this island. I’ve included directions to a safe house that I had set up just in case. Rey, I only have one month of medication for you. When it runs out you’ll go into what is called a heat. It will be painful but you’ll be ok. Do not leave the safehouse after you run out of suppressants. People will be able to tell you’re an Omega and you will be in danger. I have it arranged for someone to bring food and supplies to you for as long as you need it. You won’t have to worry about anything and can spend as much time as you need living there, even your whole life if you want.

There’s a family, the Solo’s. A man, Ben Solo, was assigned to be your mate when you were just a little girl. They’re a good family and one day when you're ready they’ll protect you and love you. There's a file about them at the safehouse. They’re the ones who are here now but their issue isn’t with you, it’s with me. They think that I’ve been hurting you for the past several years.

You’re probably wondering why, why didn’t I tell you about any of this.

Twenty years ago I made a decision that ended up haunting me forever. I gave the go ahead to kidnap the child of a politician, one who was my friend. My men tortured this child and sent him back to his parents broken. We needed to get a law passed that now feels so trivial. I lost my soul that day and five years later, in direct consequence to that choice I lost my son and his wife, your parents. They tried to take you too that night to return the favor, thankfully they didn’t succeed. That boy is now a man and what I didn’t consider 20 years ago is that I may have been creating a monster, and by monster I mean someone exactly like me. Be careful Rey, there are people in this world who want to hurt you. It’s not fair but life never is.

I brought you here after your parents died vowing to keep you safe, to raise you right and give you a childhood away from pain, one I hadn’t given your father. I was supposed to hand you off to the Solo’s when you turned eighteen but the day you presented as an Omega and I saw your pain I did something rash, I gave you my suppressants. I just wanted a little more time with you but as soon as my medication wore off all those feelings of inadequacy and failure to protect your father came crashing back. I let myself spiral into my Alpha biology. Even as I write this I feel a sense of intense need to protect you. I failed to protect my Omega and failed my child. I can’t fail you Rey. I kept telling myself that one day I would have to let you go but every time I thought about it I just couldn’t. It may be selfish but I couldn’t let go of you. It turns out that life isn’t worth much without the people you love, and I love you Rey.

I hope I did the right thing. I hope that when you come out of your hiding place and find this letter you’ll understand why I did everything I did.

I love you Rey

-Grandfather.

Rey lets the letter fall to the ground. She starts taking steps back until she hits the wall. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, for there to be some explanation that would make everything ok, that would refute everything she’s been told about him. It doesn’t.

What hurts her now is that she doesn’t feel anger. He was her captor, lied to her just as much as everyone else in her life. If he was standing in front of her now she would scream at him and lock herself away. She would run from the island and not look back. He’s not in front of her though, he’s dead, and she loved him. She feels deep and true love for someone who murdered, tortured, lied, a criminal. How can she love someone like that? Her chest tightens and she starts feeling lightheaded.

What if she had stayed hidden like she was supposed to that evening? What if she came out and found the letter, had time to process everything and decide when and if she wanted to call the Solo’s.

She feels tired and trapped. It doesn’t feel good to be back on the island, it feels just as much a prison as the Solo’s house and she wants to leave. She gathers the letter and directions to the safe house.

She has one more thing she has to see, hopefully she’s able to. Hopefully the cleverly hidden security system wasn't found during the ransacking of her home. She walks to the hidden cabinet and uses her thumb print hoping that it will let her in.

And it does.

-o-

“Where is she?” Ben asks.

“Don’t worry Solo, we’ll find your little Omega after we deal with him.”

Knight. She didn’t know he was there. She didn’t notice any of them that night, only Ben, only her Alpha.

“You can come nicely.” Knight gives a sly smile as he pulls out a gun

“Or not.”

Sheev pulls out a pistol in turn and Ben looks back and forth between the men.

“You have three seconds to leave before I start shooting… Three,” Sheev starts.

Knight smiles and Ben's eyes widen.

“Two,” He continues.

“Don’t,” Ben cries but it’s too late. The shot is firing off and Ben is standing there shocked, looking at the blood pouring out of sheev.

“One,” Knight finishes.

“You weren’t supposed to kill him.” Ben says.

“He was torturing your girl wasn’t he?”

“I wanted but… This is not… You aimed for his head… You murdered him.” Ben says. He looks away from the scene and his eyes land on something.

“Rey.” He breathes “Don’t you fucking go near her Knight.” He yells before running out of frame.

-o-

Rey doesn't even react, her mind won’t let her. She slowly turns off the monitor and walks to her old bedroom, looking around at the mess all over the floor. She finds her little stuffed stingray and stands there with it for a few minutes before walking all the way to the ocean.

She wades in, holds the stuffed animal to her chest, and lets herself feel. She feels everything all at once, from her parents death to the moment she stepped out of that window, the good and bad. There's use in objects that comfort, that remind someone of their past and where they came from. There’s also use in letting go. In realizing that there’s no going back and the only way forward is to say goodbye. In taking a quiet moment to thank an object before letting it go. It’s symbolic but sometimes symbolism can be so strong that it becomes reality.

“I love you,” She whispers.

Rey lets the little stingray fall into the ocean and be carried away and with it goes a weight she’s held in her for as long as she can remember.

She makes her way back to the boat, stopping when she sees a little flower. She leans over and picks it wavering with it for several moments before putting it in her bag.

“Did it go well?”

Rey settles in the boat and gives a small smile.

“Yes, I think so at least.”

-o-

Rey is exhausted by the time they arrive back. She doesn’t feel safe there though. The safe house isn’t far, a few hours to walk. She can make it, she knows she can. She may fall over from exhaustion by the time she arrives but she has to go.

“we can give you a ride wherever you need.”

“It’s better you don’t know where I’m going, safer that way for all of us.”

Poe disappears inside of the hose and Finn pulls Rey into a hug. Poe comes back and stuffs some food in her bag before joining them in the hug. He looks at her awkwardly.

“He wasn’t coming after you. He knew where you were. You used a money card Rey, they can be tracked.”

Rey bites her lip and looks down feeling dumb for not knowing that.

“I think he genuinely just wanted to know you’re safe. There was something he wasn’t saying, I don’t know.”

“Thank you.” Rey says as she pulls away.

It’s bittersweet, seeing them and now leaving. Rey takes a step back and then turns away.

“Stay safe Rey,” Finn calls out as she walks slowly down the driveway.

She turns back and gives one last smile and wave before turning on the road.

[sasskarian]

Fanfic Masterpost ... sort of

In honor of Fanfic Appreciation, I put together a list of my fics for anyone who’d like to look 

Under the cut, because length

Dragon Age:

After the Glitter Fades (Glitterverse):  Hawke x Fenris, modern AU. (Long fic, WIP) Hawke and Fenris are movie stars in a torrid love affair. Fenris has a mysterious past. Also Cassandra is investigating a murder mystery? Varric, as ever, is a delight. (*this is borrowed from @nug-juggler‘s excellent and shorter summary!)

Memorable quote:   Fenris observed candidly was something sacred. For a moment, Hawke fiercely wished she were an artist. The scene in front of her was too… every word she could think of— beautiful, elegant, breathtaking— was trite, a pale description of perfection. 

In the Heart of the Woods: Lavellan x Fairbanks rarepair. (WIP) Inquisitor Lavellan’s heart is broken by a certain Commander, Fairbanks has an appreciation for her, and a love story blooms like elfroot in the Emerald Graves.

Memorable quote:   This kiss, she thinks, two mouths moving in perfect unison, is a spell of its own. Not quite love, not yet, but close enough she can pretend it is. Hope wells up, a solid thrum beating in counterpoint to her heart, and for one perfect moment, the world just bows down and… stands still. All that exists, all that ever has existed or ever will exist is wrapped up right here, right now, in Fairbanks’ lips on hers. Motes of dust turn golden in the sunbeams splashing through the roof, and a touch— his thumb, her cheek— says a million more words than words ever could.

Yesterdays: Surana x Zevran, mild Surana x Alistair pining. Post Origins, complete. A Warden’s sacrifice means something only as long as someone remembers it. A king looks back, balancing regrets with happiness.

Memorable quote:   With a half-sob, he realizes he’s forgotten the sound of her voice. Oh, he remembers how it made him feel, all those years ago, all the glorious, shining moments where happiness dwells still. But what she truly sounded like, what sounds she made as she buried herself in books, the snap of her magic, the low buzz of her and Zevran whispering in their tent, all of that is gone. He knows it happened, but the memory is lit dimly in his mind, a torch burned too low to be flame but not low enough for embers yet.

If You Ever Did Believe (for my sake):  Lavellan x Cullen. (On temporary hiatus) A wary Commander. A lost Dalish mage. Two hearts beating alone and exhausted on a battlefield, their only rest coming from each other.

Memorable quote:   “Does your Maker hate us so much?” Isera asked bitterly, and for a moment, Cullen felt as though years had rippled, bringing his past self— still clanking through the halls of Kinloch Hold in Templar plate— and his current together. He’d asked Ser Greagoir the same question once, after a Harrowing went wrong and the body of a former apprentice lay at their feet. So much potential wasted, so much fear in the mages’ eyes after that. For once, Greagoir had shown a hint of emotion, clapping Cullen’s shoulder briefly before walking away, but hadn’t answered.

Voiceverse:  Lavellan x Solas/Dread Wolf. (WIP) Building off of the great works of @khirsahle and @athreehundredthirtythree. All mages are born with a soulmate--a voice they hear in the darkness of the Fade all their lives. The lucky ones find their soulmates and forge a bond strong enough to threaten the very foundations of the Chantry. At least, that's what they claim. So what happens when a Dalish mage hears the voice of their most reviled and feared god shaping her dreams? 

Memorable quote:   Accompanying the thundering voice, great fissures ruptured around her hiding spot, green light streaking upward as they gathered into a roiling cloud. A wave of raw sound— howls, cries, pleas— rolled over her, forcing her to her knees. Iveani clapped her hands over her ears, losing her own scream among the agony thundering through the Fade. All caution, all her hard-won lessons about walking the Fade, vanished into the back of her mind under the need to simply ride out the explosion and survive.

Mass Effect:

Home is Where You Are: Ryder x Jaal (WIP). Ryder didn’t cross two galaxies and 600 years in search of love. But damn if she didn’t find it anyway.

Memorable quote:   “I should take a shower,” he mumbled, as the same time as Sara said, “Would you like to stay?” Both of them broke off, staring at the other, and she laughed nervously. That feeling was back, the one from the tech lab, fragility and strength and affection turned fierce and bright tumbling over and over one other.

A Song of Sea and Stars: Garrus x Shepard x Thane (WIP). Our favorite turian badboy sees right through the mask the galaxy’s most famous Commander projects. Neither of them expected to fall in love on a host of impossible missions. And both are taken by surprise by a pious Drell who steals both their hearts.

Memorable quote:   (He opens his eyes, shocked how it feels to look into her face, intimate and hungry. He hazily notices that up close, her eyes are thulium-gray. There's a hot, tight knot in his chest and she's pressed so close, he thinks he could count each faint freckle on her face.) (They look like tiny stars.) (…there are twenty-eight on her right cheek. Thirty on her left. And fourteen, right across the bridge of her nose.) (Those are his favorite. They remind him of his own markings.)

the sound of shattering glass: Generic Shepard, post-Tuchanka, pre-Citadel II. The Shroud explodes, taking a beloved friend with it. Shepard only has herself to blame.

Memorable quote:   “Damn Reapers,” he said, striving for nonchalance. “Always throwing us around.” “Banged us up pretty good,” she agreed, and he knew she wasn’t talking about their bumps and bruises. “So what do we do about them?” “Get back on our feet. Keep fighting.” Garrus hummed as she shifted closer, pressed her forehead against his neck. “Maybe find a way to use some really big canons I spend half my time adjusting.”

Star Wars:

He Might Like That: Mandalorian x Cara Dune pining. So they argue. So they took down Gideon, and have a magic green frog baby older than both of them. That doesn’t make them a thing. Does it?

Memorable quote:   He tunes back into the not-so-friendly argument in time to hear Greef splutter. “You trash talked while holding hands! If that’s not flirting, I’m a kowakian monkey lizard.” “It was arm wrestling, not holding hands,” Din points out mildly. 

Star by Star:  Post TRoS. Ben x Rey pining, Finn x Rey x Poe. Can three hopeless idiots in love fill a wound as deep as the death of a dyad? Maybe not, but they’re out to try anyway.

Memorable quote:   “You know,” Poe whispers, a glint of mischief in his eyes, “if we ever did tell him we loved him, he’d probably sleep right through it.” Rey touches her fingers to his lips, tracing the shape of his questioning smile. It’s an invitation to play, that smile. A careful offer of love, of comfort. And though she’s not sure if he can really understand when even she doesn’t, she’s finally ready to try a little. 

Counting The Days (Since Exegol): Finn x Rey x Poe, Ben x Rey. Its been 42 days since Palpatine’s death. 42 long days since she felt the surge of light in Ben Solo. And in her dreams, something whispers on the edge of the Force. But she’s shut it down too tightly to hear it. 

Memorable quote:   True to form, Poe can’t resist the urge to kiss away Finn’s troubles whenever possible, and Rey looks away to give them a moment. Some love stories work out, yes, and she loves Finn and Poe more than almost anything else. But that doesn’t stop the way bitterness floods her mouth as the memory of Ben surfaces, and it isn’t until Poe gently squeezes her knee (and she throttles back the near-instinctive urge to break his fingers from a lifetime of fending off handsy scavengers on Jakku) that she comes back to the moment. His brow furrows and she reaches for him, smoothing out the lines of his frown with her thumb. “I’m okay,” she says, answering his unspoken question. It’s mostly a lie, but she has to say it. Most days, she’s okay enough.

A Language Made for Lovers: SWTOR (NSFW). Torian Cadera x Bounty Hunter, gender neutral. Reflections on love and marriage under the glow of hyperspace.

Memorable quote:   He murmurs in your ear, words that should sound harsh in that still-new tongue scalding your mouth, molding you from aruetii to mandalorian. But the love in his voice softens them, steeps them in warmth and adoration. Still the language of a hunter, of those brave souls willing to be reforged, but with a gentle side, a language reserved for lovers. Words like cyare and riduur, words that mean I love you and forever and home.

Malicious Compliance: SWTOR (NSFW). Malavai Quinn x Sith Warrior, gender neutral. Far away, in an apartment no one knows about, a Sith Lord plays dire games of control... and trust.

Memorable quote:   It takes a man with the courage of an entire fleet of Mandalorians to love a Sith, and oh, how he loves you. Like you hung the moons and the stars and all the spaces between. Like you are his other half, like loving you is his sole purpose in life, does Malavai Quinn love you. Your old masters spoke nothing of this, of this enraging hunger gnawing at your bones and curling into the hollows of your rib cage. ... Is it really even love if you don’t want to devour him just a little?

Misc:

Tumblr Prompts: Grab bag of every fandom and series listed above. Prompts filled originally here on tumblr.

Visual Files: Collections of art and commissions from talented friends and artists here on tumblr.

Every Beautiful Thing: Crimson Peak. Thomas x Edith, Edith x Alan. Edith learned, in the dark halls of Allerdale, not to take ghosts lightly. But still she waits, every year, for a chance to see Thomas again. Until the night their son tells her he can see him too.

Memorable quote:   Snow heralds nothing but pain in Edith’s world: first her mother’s funeral, smothered in fat white flakes wet on her lashes like tears, then her father’s. Smaller ones, then, rain slowly freezing and scattering on the ground; the ones that night at Allerdale were the smallest yet, more ice pellet than snow. Jagged, hateful things scraping at her with a cold that burned through skin and encased bone.…God, how she has come to hate the snow.

Where I Can’t Follow: Co-authored by @suspendnodisbelief. show!Witcher, mild Geralt x Jaskier. (Temporary hiatus) Drawing from a variety of inspiration, including greek mythos. Geralt takes a blow meant for Jaskier, finally granted the death by battle he expects Witchers to end by. And Jaskier is not having it, at all. It’s his turn to save Geralt, even if he has to walk the entire bloody underworld to do it.

Memorable quote: “Geralt, get up. Come on, open your eyes. You’re going to upset Roach if you keep this up, and she’ll bite me. You know you aren’t allowed to be dead, because Yennefer didn’t give you permission, and neither did the Princess, and I’m pretty sure they both outrank you.”  

[missmarj]

Burn

Pairing: Rei x Enji Todoroki

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Triggers

A/N: So I might have broken my own heart thinking about Rei Todoroki. It started when I saw this when I had a craving for some Hamilton and I read a comment about the lyrics from Burn fitting so well to Rei if she should confront Enji.

And I'm just.. ๏︿๏ ๏╭╮๏ ╥﹏╥ What if Rei was actually really truly helplessly in love with Enji like Eliza was with Alexander?

When the time comes

Explain to the children

The pain and embarrassment

You put their mother through

When will you learn?

That they are your legacy?

We are your legacy!

What if it was one-sided from the beginning since all Enji wanted from Rei was her quirk?

Imagine her being strucked the moment she met him. It's an arranged marriage, her parents told her. Yet when she first laid eyes on him her heart actually skipped a beat that she thought she lucked out.

It was love at first sight for Rei. She's unable to tear her gaze off of Enji who is towering over her, all serene handsome face and curious bright blue eyes studying her.

Enji introduces himself offering a massive hand out to her and she shyly places hers, muttering her own name that she forgot for a hot second when looked at her. Imagine Rei's surprise when instead of shaking her hand, Enji leans in to plant a soft kiss on it.

Imagine the days prior the wedding, when Enji would come over to Rei's parents' house showering her with gifts and staying for tea and supper. He wasn't much of a talker she'll notice. Not one for smiling either. But he is always so polite, nodding along to every small talk she tries.

She notices too how dedicated Enji was to being a hero. A smile would stretch her lips when she sees his passion ooze out of him whenever her dad would ask Enji about his work.

Besides the preparation for the wedding, Enji would take her to walks when he's not working. She fell even more seeing how he made time for her despite the long hours of patrolling and fighting villains.

As the day of the wedding gets nearer, she finds Enji being more comfortable with her. Asking questions about their future, her preferences and such.

Rei swears her heart leaps to her throat every time Enji would ask her about the things she wanted for their home, a blush would paint her cheeks when she notices that he seems to be looking forward to a life with her as well. And imagine how elated she feels whenever Enji would fondly talk about their future kids. Him promising to devote himself to them, raise them to become heroes like himself, to guide them the way he knows they would become the best version of themselves..

Imagine Rei trying so hard to become the best wife Enji deserves.. Only to find the dark truth behind the dreamy man she painted him to be in her head.

The first outburst she'd seen him in had her jumping out of her skin. Flames engorge his gym in their home after the announcement of the newest top heroes. Imagine her confusion when she knows her husband was second amongst the thousands of outstanding heroes but still that wasnt enough.

Imagine the days drag on and realizing, he doesn't want her as much as she wants him. The way that she wants him..

She hoped things would change when she got pregnant. The Enji she met before getting married was back. Always fussing over her, giving everything she needs and more, his massive hand cradling her belly every chance he gets and.. For the first time, he actually smiles at her with genuine joy lighting those ocean eyes.

Imagine her hope sparkling back in that came with the bliss of them welcoming their first born.

And imagine horror that creeps up on her the moment her husband started talks of putting their child in training at age 5. Her precious, beautiful child in such rigorous training when most kids that age enjoy playing and toys.

Imagine the anger she feels when her Enji would force their children to train until they're vomiting from exhaustion and hurting themselves from using their quirk; the fear she feels run through her veins when her Enji raised a hand to her when she tries to interfere..

The hurt she feels goes beyond physical with every hit she takes from him. The exhaustion she feels draining every light left in her as she tries to defend her beloved husband from his wrong doings to her children, their children.

Imagine staying all those years, hoping that one day her husband would change. Hoping that Enji would finally realize her worth, that she's more than just someone to give him children with a powerful quirk.

Imagine losing all hope for the very person you wished so badly to love you back and spend the rest of your days with.

Imagine being pushed to the brink of your sanity because you chose to love someone who cares for nothing else but his legacy, because despite the disgusting, ugly truth you still cant find it within you to unlove him.

That despite the scars in your skin and in your soul,

the fear and anger you feel for him,

your stupid heart still beats for him.

Even if the feeling fucking burns.

[such-fun]

Fic: Closer to the Light  2/?   Kylo Ren x Reader

Closer to the Light

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Summary: You rejected the Force once, but it’s pull won’t be denied.

Spoilers: No TROS spoilers. Takes place just before The Force Awakens and continues from there. Rey will feature but not as heavily.

Tag list: @babsbixby​, @i-am-lokii-of-asgard​, @holacherrycola90​, @bookworm-nerd6, @fanofallthingsnstuff​, @bulba-bulbasaur​, @thomasscresswell​, @vampgguk​, @johnnysactualgf​, @siobhanlovesfilm​ 

Two:

Poe had felt immense relief when a stormtrooper, of all people, managed to help him escape the First Order. 

He could honestly admit he had not seen that coming. From what they knew of the Order, troopers were taken as children and brainwashed into loyal servants who laid down their lives for the men and women in power who viewed them as expendable. He never thought he would meet one who could break whatever conditioning they had been put through.

Not that it was impossible to imagine, but more so that the Resistance believed anyone who the Order failed to control would have been killed on sight. 

Whether Finn was just lucky or not had yet to be seen. He was no longer FN-2187, and it would take time to see if Finn could be a man that the Resistance could truly rely on. But Poe had hope that Finn would be a valuable asset, as well as someone he could call a friend one day.

That is, if he even made it off Jakku.

After they crashed into the planet that Finn was so reluctant to return to, Poe had woken alone and injured. 

And annoyingly missing his favorite jacket.

The fighter looked to have split upon entry into Jakku. He couldn’t find a trace of Finn and didn’t have the means to look for BB-8 on his own. 

Running into a scavenger named Naka Iit was pure luck. 

Poe had turned on the charm and told the man all about his rather epic escape from the First Order. He thought Naka would be taken aback by his heroics. Instead, the man thought he was crazy.

Well, crazy, but entertaining as well. So Naka agreed to give him a ride to the Niima Outpost.

And because Poe’s life was nothing if not an adventure, they were attacked and shot at by scavengers along the way. Poe, as skilled and scrappy as ever, managed to evade their attackers and they reached the outpost in one piece, if a little worse for wear.

From the outpost he was able to charter passage to Yavin IV from a merchant. And once planet-side was reunited with his beloved X-wing.

His return to D’Qar was unexpected but extremely welcome.

He could hear the mix of surprise and relief over the transmission as he radioed in to the base, letting them know it was really him about to enter their airspace.

The last thing he needed was to get shot out of the sky. Again. And by his own friends, no less.

His movements were a little slow and the bruises and blood on his face caused worry among his fellow rebels, but they still greeted him with wide grins and gentle hugs.

The sea of people parted as the General made her way to him, a motherly smile on her face and a hint of a tear in her eye.

Leia held his battered face in her hands, pained at the signs of his torture and all the suffering he had endured. Poe raised his hands, gripping her wrists lightly, as if to physically reassure her that he was there. That he was okay. 

Bruised, yes, but not broken.

“It’s good to have you back,” she whispered for his ears only. 

“Wait ’til I tell you how it happened,” he smirked, with a small chuckle. 

“That will have to wait, Commander,” Leia announced reprovingly, but the tiny sparkle in her eye told him she was looking forward to the story. “You’re needed in medical.”

Poe didn’t fight her, and allowed himself to be lead toward Doctor Kalonia and her eager staff of medical officers. The General didn’t leave his side.

He was seated in front of the good doctor, but aside from giving her a nod of hello, all his attention was on his General.

“What news of the map?” Leia asked firmly. Poe didn’t take her change in tone personally. This was war after all.

“I retrieved the map from Lor San Tekka,” he replied with a frown. “The village was flooded with stormtroopers in minutes. I managed to get out but they grabbed San Tekka. I gave BB-8 the map and told him to go. That I’d find him later.

“Ren was there,” Poe added softly. He had to give the General credit, she didn’t flinch at the mention of her son. “He tried to get San Tekka to talk, but he refused. They—killed him.”

Leia closed her eyes and sighed. Poe gave her a moment to process the loss. When she looked to him once more, he continued.

“I tried to stop him—them. He stopped my blaster shot in midair,” Poe shook his head. “Used the Force to keep me from running, and had me dragged onto their ship. Ren ordered the village slaughtered. 

“I’m—I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it,” his voice trembled but the General dismissed his apology with a sorrowful smile.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” she consoled him, even as she knew it would not help relieve their shared pain. 

“General Hux had me interrogated on their ship,” he recounted. “You’ll be happy to know their interrogators are unimpressive.” The proud smirk on his lips twitched when he thought of what followed.

“Ren came when they couldn’t get me to talk.” Leia nodded, knowing that Poe, despite his resilience and strength, would have been no match for Kylo Ren’s mastery of the Force. 

“I fought, I tried to keep him out of my head,” he growled, and Doctor Kalonia paused her ministrations, waiting for him to calm before she resumed cleaning his cuts.

“How much does he know?” the General asked, her voice sympathetic and understanding.

“He knows BB-8 has the map,” Poe admitted shamefully. 

“We’ll send a team to look for the droid,” she declared calmly, nodding to an officer who hovered nearby. He nodded pointedly and left to inform the rest of the council.

“General,” Poe drew her attention once more, and Leia was concerned at the anguish she saw in his eyes. “Ren—when he was looking in my head, through my memories. He—he saw her.”

Leia inhaled sharply and her hands clenched unconsciously. In a strange way it reminded him of Ren’s reaction upon seeing the girl. The poor woman, obviously traumatized, who they had now unintentionally placed in danger.

“I don’t know how they’re connected but whatever Ren’s intentions, they didn’t look good,” Poe lamented, visibly unhappy with the General’s previous decision to leave him in the dark, even if he understood her caution. 

“We need to find her,” he shared a long, resolute look with the General, “before he does.” 

_________________

It had been a week since you had been visited by Leia’s enigmatic messenger. And nearly as long as you’d slept.

Bone-tired, you hadn’t even managed a trek to the mines since. Rhydonium was unstable enough. Between your jittery hands and sleepy eyes, it would be a recipe for disaster. The last thing you needed to do was drop some and blow yourself up.

You hadn’t even left your encampment. Knowing your luck, you’d hop on your speeder to head into town, pass out, and end up lost in the middle of the desert upon waking. Abafar was full of utter wastelands the locals called The Void. 

If anyone mistakenly wandered into the Void, there was a good chance you’d never see them again. Not alive, anyway.  

It wasn’t fear that kept you up.

Poe was hardly about to drag you away kicking and screaming. And Leia, while concerned with your well being, seemed content enough to wait you out. 

No, it was your own traitorous mind that kept you awake.

The first few days, it was your memory that haunted you. Not just of the massacre at the temple. Of the dead students and Luke’s desolate face. Instead it was Ben that haunted you.

Ben’s smile had always enthralled you. He was serious and understated more than not, but when you could make him laugh or smile, it was hard to resist joining him in his mirth. 

He was taller than you by age twelve. Nearly a foot taller by sixteen. You could remember the crick in your neck that would develop after spending so long staring up at him. 

Your mind could not seem to reconcile those memories with the man you were confronted with on that fateful night in the temple. 

Even when he was reserved, you could always see Ben’s emotions at play on his face. From concentration to concern, fondness to focus, Ben was always feeling something. 

It was the blankness on his face that night that spoke volumes. That was not the Ben you had grown up with, not any longer.

And it broke your heart.

You only wish you knew what had happened, what had driven him so far away from the light. If Luke and Leia knew, they never told you. And after enough time passed, there seemed no point in asking. Knowing wouldn’t change anything.

It should have been a relief when your memories finally stopped plaguing you that past night. But what followed merely confused you.

Well into the night, you had laid down once more in hopes in getting a few moments rest. They were few and far between, but all that was keeping you going lately. 

Resting your head on your makeshift pillow, you closed your eyes and reveled in the blankness of your mind. The memories that had been playing on repeat granting you a rare reprieve.

And then it began. Your mind, exhausted, felt a sudden tug. 

Your eyes opened blearily as you puzzled at the sensation. Rubbing your temples with the heels of your hands, you tried to ignore the strange feeling. You shifted on your bed and pulled your blanket higher up on your body.

The tug gave way to a buzzing and you let out a frustrated grunt. By now your head was beginning to hurt and you whimpered softly. You had no pain reliever in your camp and little way to ease your pain.

Tossing your arm over your eyes to block out all light, you forced yourself to relax. You took a deep, calming breath and tried to open up your mind in hopes of releasing whatever it was that was causing such tension.

It was as if a spark had suddenly ignited. 

You felt a wave of emotion, but it didn’t feel like it belonged to you. It felt triumphant. And then for a moment, the feeling had a voice.

“Open your eyes…”

It felt like a whispered plea, and in your wearied state you could do nothing by comply.

Your arm fell to your side and you opened your eyes. Your gaze roamed around your simple tent and the few personal belongings you owned. 

Feeling strangely unsatisfied, you turned your stare to the opening of your tent. From there you could see the rusted edge of your speeder, and the outline of the mines in the distance. 

There was only so much terrain that was commonly traveled on Abafar and the mines created a distinct landscape that many used as guides and landmarks when journeying to and from the city. 

Dissatisfaction turned to pleasure and the foreign emotions, which had before been inviting, turned sinister.

And then you were alone in your mind once again.

Your eyelids fluttered and you didn’t know what to make of what just happened. It had felt as if another person had crept into your mind, but you couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

You had spent so long isolated and cut off from the Force that it’s possible reappearance felt wrong and unwelcome. 

If you hadn’t been so weakened, so completely drained in body and mind, you would have been alarmed. You would have jumped from your bed and hopped astride your speeder. You would have run until you could run no more.

But your body was bone-weary and worn out, and gave in to the temptation to sleep.

______________

The sun was shining brighter which told you that hours had passed.

Your head was fuzzy and light, your body still longing for sleep after being deprived for so long. But the whirring noise in the distance that woke you was persistent.

And if you weren’t wrong, it sounded like it was moving closer. Fast. 

Rolling out bed, you didn’t bother with your jacket that might have protected you from the dust and sand as you stepped outside. You stumbled out of your tent in your pants and tank top, both of which had seen better days, and finished pulling on your boots as you searched the wide open terrain for the disturbance.

A speck of black caught your eye, hovering low to the ground but never touching the dunes of sand. You cocked your head to the side as you studied it.

Whatever it was, it moved quickly and began to take on a somewhat more familiar shape. Two wings, slightly curved in, circular cockpit. Your heart sped as your brain tried to catch up.

A TIE fighter. Not totally unheard of considering many pilots used Abafar to refuel. But to be so far out of Pons Ora? 

You were now wide awake and scrambling toward your landspeeder. You didn’t know what the Order was doing here, and you didn’t want to know. 

Left with little choice, you headed toward the mines and the cover they would provide. If the pilot wasn’t interested in you, then he would continue on ahead. If you were his target, you knew the layout of the mines undoubtedly better than him. 

When the fighter shifted focus, turning to follow you, there was no doubt who they were after.

The real question was why? 

It had to be that conversation with Poe. You didn’t know if someone overheard him mention the General, the Resistance. If someone had thought you were a some sort of spy or member of the rebellion. All you knew what that you needed to make it to the mines.

Your speeder, hardly in its prime, was no match for the TIE, which was gaining ground quickly. The mines were still too far off for comfort.

When the first blast hit, you nearly lost your balance as an explosion of sand and flame landed to your left. 

You had no time to process the fact that the blast, while bone-shaking, was still a good distance away from you. That whoever was chasing you didn’t intend to kill you.

At least not so impersonally as a blast from his onboard weapons.

The second blast, landing just a bit behind you, sent your speeder tumbling off course and you flying off. The dunes provided a little cushion as you slammed into the ground.

You were struggling to come to your feet as the TIE fighter came to a stop. Hugging your ribs, you stumbled as the pilot descended. 

You blinked, almost sure you had a concussion, confused by the sight of a man clad in black, face covered by a helmet reminiscent of Darth Vader. Smaller and sleeker than what you remembered in holograms and history texts.

That couldn’t be just another First Order pilot, and it definitely wasn’t a stormtrooper. 

You tripped over your own feet as you came to a sickening revelation, falling to your knees as your pursuer came into focus. His cape fluttered in the breeze as he approached. Soon he was in front of you. Hovered above you, he silently regarded your bedraggled form.

He called himself Kylo Ren now, you reminded yourself. He wasn’t—this was Kylo Ren. Your heart was beating out of your chest, the rush of blood all you could hear in your ears. Your gaze fell to his boots, your breathing heavy and labored as he remained eerily still.

“Look at me,” he demanded, the cold, mechanical voice that now replaced his once warm and deep tones made you shudder.

Unable to do so, your eyes remained on the ground.

There was the sound of a click and brushes of movement, but you didn’t glance up until you saw his knees bend as he crouched down to meet you at your level.

“Look at me,” he repeated, and recalled the voice in your head last night. His voice.

The mask was gone. In its place was a mess of black hair, achingly familiar, a pair of full lips pulled into a slight frown and finally haltingly recognizable brown eyes.  

His face, for all its familiarity, might as well been a mask itself. There was no anger, or curiosity, or happiness. It was like he was studying you. Deciding what to do with you.

And you knew this wasn’t the man you called a friend once. This wasn’t the boy you regarded with a young girl’s first blossom of love. This man was the Jedi Killer. The Commander of the First Order. And yet you still found yourself unable to stop the shattered plea that fell from your lips.

“Ben?”

His eyes narrowed and he jerked away, standing abruptly as his fists clenched. And as you waited for the pain that was sure to follow, he simply waved a hand and your world went black.

[stevesnailbat]

hi! if you’re taking requests could you do steve x fem! reader based on carmen by lana del rey? please and thank you!

summary: Steve falls for a broken girl who seems to be beyond repair, but he really wants to fix her.

warnings: mentions of sex workers/prostitution, mentions of sex, mentions of abuse, age gap (4 years), angst, drug use (marijuana) and underage drinking

word count: 3.4K

a/n: I changed the fic a bit from the song’s lyrics (she’s 18 instead of 17, it takes place in Indiana), but it is based off of Carmen by Lana Del Rey to the best of my abilities. This is supposed to take place after the events season 3. Hope this is what you wanted, anon! Enjoy :)

Steve didn’t mean to fall for her, he really didn’t. But the first time he saw her, he fell, and it was a hard fall.

He wasn’t expecting to meet anybody when he went to Indianapolis for the weekend, he just wanted to get away for a while. So, he got a hotel room downtown and made his way to the hotel bar to forget it all. That was when he saw her, sitting across the way from him. She was staring down into her drink, stirring it with her finger. He ordered a Jack and coke before starting to make his way over to the girl, but was stopped in his tracks by what he witnessed.

His vision was slightly blurred from the two drinks he already had but from afar, she had looked older than him by at least a year. Her red dress hugged her figure in all the right places, matching her red lipstick perfectly; it really was her color. But as he got closer, he realized that something didn’t add up. She was a lot younger than he had actually established, but her eyes weren’t. Her eyes made her look more mature, more experienced, filled with much more hurt than most.

“Hello, darlin’.” she called out to him after catching him staring, a smirk on her face as she spoke. “You lookin’ for somethin’? Or someone?”

“Not really, I’m—I’m sorry I was staring. You just caught my eye.” he stammered, blushing at the thought of getting caught staring. “I’m Steve, by the way.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Steve.” she replied, smoothly extending her hand to shake his as she smiled up at him.

“What’s someone like you doing in a place like this all by yourself?” Steve said after sitting at the barstool next to her, finally getting to see her closely in the dimly-lit bar.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked in a sincere yet sharp tone, biting on the straw that was in her drink as he quirked his head at her question. “Someone like me? As in, someone so pretty? Or someone so young?”

“Well—Both, I guess?” he replied, feeling confused about his own question; it had came out like word vomit. “You’re a beautiful young girl and there’s a lot of guys who are looking for girls just like you, for the wrong reasons.”

She was taking a drink as he spoke and almost choked on it when he said the last part, partly laughing and partly shocked. As she coughed, she began to giggle about his words. He only stared at her with a furrowed brow, confused as to why it was laughable.

“Oh, darlin’. You’re an innocent one, aren’t ya?” she laughed out, resting her hand on top of his as his confusion persisted. “This isn’t my first weekend sitting in this exact spot at this bar. I know my way around these men.”

He sat there quietly for a moment, staring at her hand on his as he replayed her laugh in his mind. It was the kind of laugh he wanted to hear over and over again, the kind that made his stomach go into knots with joy. She waited for his response for a few seconds, but got nothing in return as what she said finally clicked for him. He was thinking about his next move, how he’d react without seeming off. Honestly, he knew what she meant and didn’t really care, he was too intrigued to be off put.

“How old are you?” he responded, almost completely ignoring her previous implications.

“Eighteen.” she said with a grin, finally pulling her hand off of his to grab her drink. “Before you ask, I have connections and a very convincing fake.”

“Did you have anyone you were supposed to meet tonight? Or were you here to find one?” he implored, genuine interest prevalent in his voice as he felt himself becoming entranced by the girl.

“I didn’t have one for the night, so I came here to find someone. Someone innocent like you that would take me back to a hotel room and have some fun.” she retorted, the words coming out smoothly as she spoke, like she had done plenty of times before.

Steve sat there with widened eyes, staring down at the bold girl. It felt so wrong to be talking about that with a girl he just met, but to her it was only business. Really, he didn’t want to have sex with her, it felt too wrong. He wanted to know her, know why she’s doing what she is, why her eyes look so mature. If she hated what she did, she was really good at hiding it, because Steve couldn’t read her.

“So, what do you say?” she asked after almost a minute of silence from Steve, reaching to caress the top of his hand again. “I’m not gonna rob you or steal from ya. Just a simple transaction, darlin’.”

“Yeah—Yeah, sure.” Steve replied, his voice halfway unsteady as she grabbed his hand again; this time she furrowed her brow at his demeanor.

Instead of asking what was wrong, she only pulled him from his barstool and towards the hotel lobby. She tangled their fingers together and smirked up at him deviously while he led the way towards his room. Once they got into the room, he didn’t try to kiss her, touch her, or do anything to her, which confused the hell out of her. He was planning to pay her for just being there, she didn’t understand that. Steve really just wanted someone to talk to, he saw something in her and he wanted to save her. She watched as he sat on the edge of the bed, finally locking eyes with her as she slipped her heels from her feet.

“You want me to be on top?” she giggled while wiggling her eyebrows. “I’m not much of a dominant, if that’s what you were looking for, but I can try.”

“Where are you from?” he asked, completely ignoring her advances as she began to straddle his lap.

“Kokomo.” she said while unbuttoning his shirt, trailing off as she stared at him while trying to figure out what he was thinking about. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I want to know you.” Steve stated plainly, still staring at her as he pulled her hands from his shirt.

“No you don’t.” she warned. “I don’t think you’d like me if you knew me.”

“What could be so bad about you? I’ve got demons too.” he asked desperately, needing to know more. “I’m sure I could find out some things about you just by the way you act. I’m pretty good at that, most people I know are pretty fucked up too, for other reasons of course.”

“Do you hear yourself? You’re asking a sex worker to tell you more about herself right now. I should be riding your —“

“I didn’t take you up here to have sex with you.” he explained, making her eyes widen with fear; she didn’t know what he meant, but it could’ve meant anything. “I—I don’t know. I came to Indy to get away, I didn’t plan on coming here to fuck someone, you know? I just wanted a weekend away from everything in my hometown —“

“Where?”

“Hawkins.”

“Isn’t that the town that a bunch of people died in last summer? On the Fourth?” she asked. “In that big mall fire?"

His stomach churned at the thought of the people who died because of the Mind Flayer. He hadn’t been able to go a day without thinking about what happened, without guilt filling his conscience for no apparent reason. There wasn’t really a reason for him to feel any guilt, he did all he could do to help. But, he still felt like it wasn’t enough. He realized he hadn’t responded to her question once she tapped on his arm lightly, bringing him back to reality.

“Yeah, that’s the one.” he said bluntly. “I can’t handle being there all the time, sometimes I just need to get away.”

“So you said yes to bringing me up here, why?” she questioned, still confused about the situation.

“I don’t know, honestly. Maybe I just need someone to talk to? Or maybe I want to know you? Probably both, though.” he laughed, realizing how ridiculously desperate and sad he sounded.

“Like I said, you don’t want to know me.” she said, crawling from his lap to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. “I don’t think you’d want to hear about the things I've been through.”

“I could probably guess a few of those things.” he responded bitterly, knowing that he had probably been through similar situations. “Your parents hated you, so you left. You had to make ends meet in some way and you met some guy who promised you he could help you make plenty of money. So, you took the opportunity and now you’re stuck doing this. You had to grow up too quick and be the provider that you never had in your life.”

She was silent, staring down at her hands as he spoke. He was right and it felt like a punch to the gut when he nailed every part of her situation. She didn’t know how he would even realize those things, but she didn’t want to ask.

“In a way, I wish I could’ve been like you.” Steve said, continuing in the place of her response while she went mute. “I wish I would’ve had the guts to run away, to do something for myself. Instead, I stayed where I wasn’t wanted. My parents hated me and still do, I’m a disappointment to my dad and he reminds me all the time. But what am I supposed to do now? I’m twenty-one, living in a lonely one bedroom apartment in a dead-end town working a dead-end job, waiting desperately for my dad to give me a second chance.”

She finally looked up at him, seeing the true sadness in his eyes. He was right, all he wanted was someone like him to talk to. Looking into her eyes made him realize something, he saw something in her and he didn’t want to save her, but himself. Before she could stop herself, she reached up to cup his cheek softly. He almost flinched at her delicate touch, but felt at ease once her warmth spread to his cheek. She pulled his face down to hers and pressed her lips against his in a gentle kiss. It wasn’t a passionate, lustful kiss like he expected, but one filled with comfort and understanding. It made her feel things that a kiss had never made her feel; it gave her more pleasure than any other man had ever given her. It felt right, like their lips were meant to collide in that way.

Gentle kisses and caring touches were the only things that followed, and she didn’t mind. They laid in the hotel bed together all night, only talking about their fucked up lives and laughing about how ridiculous it all sounded. Steve wanted so desperately to stay in the moment forever, with her in his arms as she mumbled to him while drifting to sleep. Neither of them would admit it, but they both knew there was something more than comfort that they both felt that night.

“You do not need to pay me, Steve.” she insisted the next morning when it was time for her to leave, watching him pull out his wallet. “We didn’t do anything that deserves payment on my part."

“But I do. You did more for me than having sex would have. I really needed this. I’m giving you more than what you usually get for a night and that’s final. I know you don’t get to keep it all.” he replied, kissing her forehead as he slipped two $100 bills into her hand. “Can I have your number?”

She nodded while giving him a grateful smile, sliding the money into her pocket before getting a pen to write down her number on a scrapped piece of paper.

“Call me during the day, alright? I won’t be home all the time, but if I am, I’ll answer.” she said, holding onto his hand for a moment while she gave him the scribbled number.

He nodded, a twinge of pain and jealousy mixing in his stomach as he thought about what she did. She wouldn’t be home at night because she’d be doing exactly what she was doing when he met her. He knew she was one of the best at what she did, as she had told him the night before. It was sick to think about, since she was so young yet so experienced. But, he knew she was doing what she had to do to give herself the best life she could. She’d get out of it soon, like she told him.

After that day, she was on his mind all the time. They talked at least three times a week once he got back to Hawkins, he just desperately wanted to hear her voice all the time. She needed him, too. She needed to talk to him to feel comforted, to remind herself that not all men were like the guys she met at that bar every night. Neither of them would admit it, but they both knew there was something more than comfort that they were feeling from each other’s voices.

“Hey Dingus.” Robin whispered one day in the Family Video they still both worked at, hitting his shoulder harshly as he organized movies behind the checkout counter. “Some girl just walked in alone, now’s your chance to redeem yourself from your last failed attempt at flirting.”

“I’m not interested, Rob.” he replied, his attention not wavering from the cart in front of him. “I told you that I’m not looking for —“

“Excuse me!” a voice called out from the other side of the counter and Steve froze, it sounded just like Y/N. “Where’s the horror section?”

Steve turned around slowly as Robin began to point in the direction of the horror movies and his jaw nearly dropped on the floor. She wore the smirk he knew all too well on her face as she pretended to listen to what Robin said, knowing that he was staring at her.

“I’ll show her!” Steve blurted out, coming around the counter quickly to grab her hand.

Robin raised her eyebrows as he grabbed her, confused about his change in demeanor. Y/N followed him to the back of the store where the horror movies were, giggling at his wildly confused expression. He turned to her as he ran his fingers through his hair, but grabbed for her waist to stay standing when she pressed her lips against his in a deep kiss. After a few moments of a passionate kiss, he pulled away to stare down at her with disbelief.

“What are you —“

“I came to see you! I’m taking the weekend off…but nobody really knows.” she said with a smile on her face, reaching up to cup his cheek in the same way she did on the night they met. “I was supposed to perform tonight, but it got cancelled. So I decided it would be a perfect time to come and see the infamous town, and to see you.”

“Perform what?” he asked, eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I sing at the bar sometimes, that’s all.” she said, shrugging it off. “I don’t get paid as much, but it’s a break from the usual. I get tired of sucking dick that I don’t want, y’know?”

He laughed bitterly at the last part, nodding in agreement to hide his jealousy about the situation. She saw through the laugh, though. She was good at reading people and understood why he was upset, she knew that he was falling for her and she was falling for him, hard. She didn’t want that to happen, but it did. It was always tough to fall in love with someone when the job requires having sex with other people, but it was strictly business to her. Hell, her and Steve hadn’t even actually had sex yet, but she knew that it would be everything she really wanted and more.

“I thought maybe we could go to the fair, like, on a date.” she suggested hopefully, still smiling up at him as she tried to ease his worries by running her fingers along his forearm. “Since you said you were gonna go eventually, and I’ve never been to one.”

“Oh—Right! Of course we can. I’m off in fifteen minutes, we can go then if you want to wait for me.” he replied, butterflies in his stomach at the thought of her actually wanting to spend time with him of all people.

“I’ll waste some time finding a movie and meet you outside when you leave, alright?” she said as her grin widened. “We can go to the fair then watch a scary movie to give you an excuse to hold me close.”

“Okay, I need to get back up there before Robin gets suspicious, though.” he chuckled, kissing her quickly before making his way back to the register.

Robin told him that he needed to explain what was happening, and he promised he would another day because the only thing on his mind was getting to spend time with Y/N. The rest of the day went smoothly, she seemed genuinely happy and so did he. The summer heat put a toll on them as they walked around the fair, so they settled for ice cream instead of some fried food. Steve couldn’t keep his eyes off of her as she sat across from him while eating her ice cream cone. Not even in a sexual way, though. She was content and enjoying her time, which made his heart swell. There was a smile on her face as they sat there, not wanting to moment to end. She didn’t want to go back to the harsh reality she lived in Indianapolis, she wanted to stay in the small town with Steve instead.

When they had gotten home, she pulled out a joint for them to smoke, so he would relax for once instead of feeling so stressed. There was no doubt that they would be cramped in Steve’s apartment that night, but neither of them seemed to mind. She wanted to be as close to him as she could, and he wasn’t complaining about her deciding to sit on his lap while they watched the movie together. Although it was supposed to be scary, their highs made all of the horror aspects seem hilarious. Neither of them were really scared of movies anymore, considering all that they had been through.

“I think I’m gonna leave, leave the city.” Y/N said, tracing circles on Steve’s chest as she rested her head on his shoulder after the movie finished. “I don’t want to do it anymore, I don’t want to have sex with random men anymore. I’m going numb to true feelings because of everything I’ve been through.”

“Why the sudden change?” he asked, hoping that the answer was him.

“I thought about it a lot over the last month. You—You kinda inspired me when you told me that you wished you could break free like I did. It made me realize that I needed to do it again, break free again. I told them I wanted to cut back after that night, I only worked four nights instead of six and I performed for the other three.” she started, avoiding his gaze as if she was afraid of her own words. “I’m just so—so fucked up. I feel like you would never feel the way I do about you. I don’t know if I want you to, honestly. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Yeah, it hurts to know what you’ve been doing when we get off the phone every night, there’s no doubt about that.” he replied bluntly, making her wince at his words. “But the fact that you want to change for me? Obviously you want something different for yourself. And all I hope is that the something different is me.”

“I think I’m in love with you, Steve.” she whispered with tears in her eyes, like she was afraid to say it too loudly or it would all go away.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Y/N. And I—I think that it’s alright. We can handle that.”

[kylorensdestroyingthings]

Sunshine | Reylo

ao3 link

a/n: I really love AU reylo sue me okay? requests are open!!

warnings: fluff, BAND AU, Soulmate AU

Rey sat in the middle of her physics lecture, listening to her professor drone on and on about a topic she'd learned in high school. Beside her, Rose was scribbling words onto her arm. After each word she'd wait a moment until more appeared on her opposite arm. It was her soulmate. Rey rolled her eyes at the girl as she giggled silently at something Finn had said. They'd been writing each other since they first turned 18. Rose and Finn were madly in love and it made Rey want to barf, just the thought of it made her gag. Sure she was happy that her best friend was in love, but the thought of writing endless love notes on her body never appealed to her.

Typically, when people turned 18 the first thing they did was write on their skin- to see if they'd get a response. Just about everyone had a soulmate, but there were the few rare occasions that someone was born without their other half designated by the stars. Rey never wrote on her skin because everyone left her. She didn't want to be reliant on someone's handwriting. She wanted to be her. Luckily, she never got some type of declaration of love and she was fine with that. Nobody could leave her if they didn't reach out. That was her philosophy in life.

She'd always been very careful not to write anything on her skin, for fear of a response. Anytime she accidentally got marker on her hands called for an immediate trip to the bathroom to scrub the ink from her skin. As soon as the lecture ended, Rose and Rey walked to the local coffee shop on campus, their daily routine in order to study. Rose claimed them a spot in a booth away from the door while Rey went to stand in line to order their coffee and tea.

___

Kylo Ren was about to lose his mind, or commit a felony. It was only the second week of the First Order tour for his band Knights of Ren, and he was contemplating if it would be worth looking for another bassist if Hux didn't just shut the fuck up. Seriously, the pale red head was way too loud on their cramped tour bus. Phasma gave him a glare before shaking her head. "It's not worth it." She had told him. "It might be if it gets us some peace and quiet." He grumbled throwing one of Hux's own drumsticks at his head. The red head grumbled. "I fear for whoever has you as their soulmate." Hux scoffed rubbing the back of his head tenderly. "And I mourn for Phasma, considering her's will be dead in a matter of seconds." Kylo snapped angrily. Hux knew soulmate's where a tough topic with Kylo, yet he brought them up at every single god damn opportunity he had.

Kylo didn't mind not having a soulmate. Well, he didn't know if he did, they never reached out and he had no desire to himself. He just tended to assume that he didn't have one. His parents were soulmates, but they seemed to be pretty bad parents. His nights as a child were spent listening to his parents fight thinking he couldn't hear them. Maybe they were in love before him, that was a good bet but growing up they seemed to hate each other.

"Ha, yeah right Ren." Hux said throwing a marker at Kylo. Catching it, he looked around for a piece of paper. Once he couldn't find it he decided his skin worked best, somewhat forgetting that it wouldn't just appear on his own. "Yeah, look it's on my to do list." Kylo said showing his wrist.

To Do

1. Murder Hux

___

Rey returned with her tea and Rose's coffee. She handed the cup to Rose whose eyes suddenly widened.

"Uh Rey, have you talked to your soulmate lately?" Rose asked cautiously, knowing the subject was touchy for the young adult.

"Jesus Rose, you know I've never spoken to them in my life and have no desire to." Rey said with a scoff sitting down in the booth directly parallel to her. "Well, um you might wanna look at your wrist?" Rose squeaked and Rey's eyes snapped to her wrist where a simple to do list was written out.

1. Murder Hux

"Oh my god." Rey said almost spitting her tea out. "I didn't write that"

"Yeah no shit! What kind of name is Hux!" Rose almost yelled. "You gotta write back man."

"Hand me a marker." Rey said shocking herself. All of this defiance of not writing her soulmate and for what? To give that up the moment they wrote her? Rose quickly scrambled for the pen she used to write Finn all the time. Once in her hands, Rey wrote out a simple question. "God, I hope they're not a psychopath."

Does this mean I'm an accessory to murder?

Rey waited a moment, her heart rate had accelerated. She'd never done this before. It was a foreign feeling like no other. Talking to her soulmate. The thought even felt weird, nonetheless when the words appeared on her skin this time, she felt a tingle. Maybe it was because she was consciously focusing on the words, who knows.

So you do exist came the mysterious reply. Rey laughed rolling her eyes as she scribbled on her arm again. Maybe she could understand the appeal to it now.

You never answered my question. Rey replied, dodging how her soulmate knew of her negligence to reach out. But technically the blame could go two ways.

No, I'm just threatening my Bandmate. He's annoying.

Rey let out a hearty laugh, as if that made sense. Rose watched on in awe, still completely shocked at what was happening.

___

Kylo was surprised when a response showed up, he'd completely forgot about the chances that someone out there was made specifically for him. He felt like he didn't deserve a soulmate. The fates decided otherwise. Maybe he was worthy of someone.

You're in a band? They asked and he felt the tips of his ears growing red. What if this person was an obsessed super fan? He felt narcissistic even thinking that, but it wasn't rare that people drew the same words on their arms thinking he'd be stupid enough to believe them. He hesitated answering, almost scared it would be someone who knew him.

We're actually on tour currently he wrote. Plenty of bands were on tour, surely whoever they were wouldn't single his out.

Anything I might know? The words appeared on his skin. Surely whoever it was had to know who they were. They'd been on every radio station, youtube interview, and all over social media. They blew up pretty much overnight, and went from playing in small venues barely selling tickets to sold out concerts at arena's.

It's an Emo/Alternative band, nothing too special. His arm was covered in writing at this point, he was receiving strange glances from Phasma who, thankfully had managed to keep Hux quiet.

My roommate is super into that stuff, always dragging me to shows with her whenever they come to town.

"Let's go pretty boy, rehearsal in 10." Hux said calling to him. He hadn't even realized when the bus stopped moving.

"Be right there." Kylo said looking back down at his arm. Hux only scoffed and walked away from the scene, as if he hadn't been this enamored the first time him and Phasma made contact in high school.

Sorry to cut this short, but I have rehearsal he wrote apologetically. He genuinely did want to stay here and talk to the stranger all night if he could. And I have a show tonight

Oh no worries, I have an exam to study for. Break a leg :) For the first time in ages, a genuine smile crossed Kylo's face. That was a rare occurrence, and a complete stranger managed to make it happen.

Thanks :)

___ The two chatted over the next two months, growing closer. He told her about concerts, groupie's, and of course Hux and his never ending mission of annoying Kylo. She told him about her exams, her classes, how much she worked because she was stressed about money. He always offered to help her, but every time she declined, telling him that she needed to work for it herself.

He admired her for that, but let her know that if she ever needed help, he'd find a way. She still didn't know the name of his band, and he didn't mind that. She knew him as Ben. Something to differ her from the rest of crazy fans. As he was thinking about her, he felt the familiar tingle on his skin.

Today's been absolutely horrible. He frowned at that. Every once and while, she had bad days but his were more common. Knowing she felt bad made him want to destroy whoever made her feel that way.

What happened sunshine? He asked her awaiting the response. Slowly each word showed up, and when the ink smudged almost like someone was wiping it away in certain places he could tell she was crying, it smeared the ink.

I went to turn in my paper, only my computer crashed and i lost everything so I wrote a horrible paper just to meet the deadline, and then someone stole my wallet at the coffee shop so I have to get a new card and then a bird pooped on my backpack, and it's just not a great day.

Hey don't cry sunshine. He wrote the words down quickly, his heart physically aching at the thought of her crying. Kylo wanted to hold her and never let go. Unfortunately, being soulmates didn't mean you could find one another physically quickly. Another thing was that any attempt at getting a phone number or basically anything other than a first name was off limits. It just meant, there was someone out there made especially for you. Everything is going to be okay, you're strong, your paper is amazing, and you can wash your backpack.

I wish you were here love Kylo's heart fluttered at the words.

Me too, sunshine He wanted more than anything to be there. To finally know what the girl he loved looked like. To hold her in his arms, and keep her to himself. Enough about the bad, what's good that's happening soon for you?

They did this a lot when one of them had a bad day. It tended to help and get their minds off of whatever was feeling wrong to them. Typically, Rey was always the happy one who was making Kylo feel better.

Rose is dragging me to a concert this weekend that she won tickets for, I don't know who but they're always fun. He smiled at that. For some reason, Rey was always letting her roommate drag her everywhere but she always had fun doing whatever Rose's plan was for the week. He was thankful for the girl because from what he could tell, Rose always looked after Rey well.

That will be fun, try not to fall for any of the band members ;) He laughed at his own joke, startling Phasma.

"Talking to your girl again?" She asked looking up from her book. "Yeah," Kylo said smiling. "I want to write a new song, for our next show."

"About her?" Phasma said cocking a blonde eyebrow. "Fan's will certainly love that."

"They all know they never had a chance anyways." Kylo said rolling his eyes.

"Tell them that." She spoke flipping a page in her book. "But I like the idea."

___

That Saturday night, Rey stood in front of her mirror looking over her outfit with uncertainty. The green overall dress and black shirt she wore under it were out of her comfort zone, but she knew she didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb if she wore something else. She borrowed some of Rose's boots that were always for these concerts they went to. They were hard would prevent her feet from getting smashed when they were at the barricade.

She tucked a pen into her pocket, just in case,  she had told herself. That was a lie, she always wanted to talk to Ben. Suddenly she felt the familiar tingle, looking down at her wrists Ben's handwriting appeared.

Be safe tonight sunshine <3.

Always am love <3.

___

The crowd for Knights of Ren was dense. Their first album had been what got them on to the top 100 charts. Rose made Rey listen to them on the ride over, and Rey completely understood why. The lead singers voice was one of an absolute angel. The bassist was pretty amazing too. Somehow, they'd manage to get tickets about 3 rows away from the right side of the stage.

Rose squealed from beside her. "Dude this is going to be so amazing!"

Suddenly the lights went down, suggesting the concert was about to begin. Kylo Ren was absolutely gorgeous and she could tell he loved being on stage. After playing through the entire album Kylo spoke into the mic for a little bit.

"Okay, so I actually have a surprise for you guys here." He spoke, his deep voice traveling through the arena. "We're playing a new song, one I wrote very recently, for someone very special. This is Sunshine."

He nodded at Phasma who began to strum the first couple cords. Rey listened to the song carefully. It was really beautiful, and one of the best songs she'd ever heard of.

The words appeared on my skin

you said baby i've had a bad day

and I told you

Sunshine don't cry

I'm only a couple thousand miles away,

and love, you wish I was there

but I'm right here in your heart

always there to chase the rain away.

Sunshine, don't cry.

Rey's eyes widened. Remembering the conversation she had with Ben meerly days ago. One of the first things he told her was that he was in an alternative band. She scrambled for her pen in her pocket looking at Kylo with certainty before writing on her arm.

I'm right here

____

As he finished the first chorus, he felt the tingle. Subtly, he looked down towards his wrist where the words appeared. Frantically, he looked up searching the crowd, his leather gloves with the fingers cut off clutching the mic tightly.

____

She noticed his eyes searching the crowd as soon as he looked at his wrist. The same one she had wrote on. His eyes screamed one question Where? Quickly, she wrote down her location within the crowd.

My right, third row.

Despite there being thousands of people in that arena and the crying girls throughout the entire row her and Rose were in, she locked eyes with Kylo, well to her he was Ben, immediately. His eyes widened, almost in disbelief before he hopped off the stage, walking straight towards the barricade. Rey found herself pushing through the crowd of screaming girls to reach for him, Rose following hesitantly behind her. When they finally were face to face, he let the last line of the song fade away before speaking quietly, away from the mic.

"Sunshine" He spoke, making her heart burst into flames. For the past two months, she'd been imagining his voice saying his name for her. Finally, here they were. Staring at each other face-to-face in a crowd of thousands of people.

"Ben." She whispered and he put a large hand to her face cradling her cheek.

"It's you."

"Yeah, it's me love." With those words she kissed him deeply and lovingly. His arm came to the small of her back, holding her against the barricade as close as he could get her. Her hands held the back of his neck softly, but hungrily. He was finally in her arms and she never wanted to let go. Suddenly, the sound of fans screaming excitedly broke them from each others trance.

He turned to Rose quickly. "I owe you so much for bringing her here. Anything you want."

"Name your firstborn after me." Rose said in her typical fashion but also getting over the shock of what was happening.

"Sure, anything." Ben said before looking back to the crowd awaiting him. "I'm bringing you backstage, wait for me to finish?"

"Of course." Rey spoke grabbing his hand gently. Ben nodded towards security and then towards Rey before lifting her over the barricade and pressing his lips firmly against hers once more.

"I'll see you soon, Sunshine."