#Rocky Duval

[adriannamateo]

It's a double bill :)) I'm performing TONIGHT, 2 May 2024, at LINCOLN CENTER! I'm acting, singing a song by Rocky Duval, and playing violin in "Hildegard, Reborn" at Bruno Walter Auditorium, 111 Amsterdam Ave., 6:00PM. Free admission (just show up :). And...

I'm performing FRIDAY, 3 May 2024, at PAC NYC! I'm singing original songs at 5PM and 7:45PM at NYC's newest, hippest downtown venue. Free admission (just show up :).

[divinesymmetry]

Kicking off Pride Month with a list of the best Queer movies I've seen:

Paris is Burning (1990): an absolute MUST WATCH for every single queer person

Fire Island (2022): Bowen Yang, Joel Kim Booster, Margaret Cho and Pride and Prejudice, what's there not to love??

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999): Natasha Lyone and Clean Duvall do gay stuff together, RuPaul plays an ex-gay, need i say more?

Maurice (1987): the dark academia gay period piece of our dreams (plus Hugh Grant???)

Dating Amber (2020): one word - ireland (see also: Handsome Devil)

Nowhere (1997): if you're not saying "huh?" you're not watching it right

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) is the absolute basis for camp

Moonlight (2016) needs no introduction

Été 85 (2020): gays on motorcycles cinematic universe

Fear Street Trilogy (2021) and Bodies, Bodies, Bodies (2022) because lesbians can kill, too

Edge of Seventeen (1998): what is gayer than a bad bleach job?

God's Own Country (2017)

The Watermelon Woman (1996): absolutely underrated classic

The Thing About Harry (2020), Alex Strangelove (2018), Crush (2022), Bros (2022) because we deserve dumb lil rom coms

120 Battements par Minute (2017), Arrête avec Tes Mensonges (2023), Pariah (2011), My Own Private Idaho (1991), for when you just wanna sob uncontrollably

Happy Pride ! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[youjustwaitsunshine]

seb to wec is actually pretty realistic for multiple reasons including:

- much less races

- remember the clean fuel convention thing he was in last year during the summer break? I don't know if he asked rocky or rocky asked him (not rb rocky, endurance rocky) to take part but there was also the presentation of the hydrogen wec cars etc

- a lot of the successful drivers and former drivers there are his friends/like him/would probably not be opposed to working with him and helping him settle in (ex drivers like mark, mr le mans tom kristensen himself, current drivers like kamui kobayashi, loïc duval, mike rockenfeller,...)

- he's been seen hanging with porsche boss guy at the porsche tennis cup in stuttgart. he's been testing that audi at roc. something is brewing. german manufacturers want him sooooo bad

- wec is way further into sustainable fuels and sustainability in general than f1

- an fia super license and previous status as a factory driver award him platinum driver status (fia ranking system for driver ability, platinum is the highest rank), for hypercar this doesn't matter as much since there are no silver/ bronze driver requirements (and bronze drivers, often gentlemen drivers, not permitted) but still putting it here

- amazing fan atmosphere (biased but wec is so much more fun to watch live on track than f1 yall)

- triple crown babyyyyy (fr tho look at seb and tell me he wouldn't be the type to pursue a historic mark of a true champion)

[daegutowns]

seventeen as mean girls, a concept

i just think seventeen has enough flair and drama to be pulling off the entire cast of the mean girls movie

BSS as the plastics

seungkwan: regina george. he has all the flair and he wants all the drama. that’s HIS burn book! he fits the description perfectly, since he’s fabulous but evil.

“get in loser. we’re going shopping.”

also the idea that seungkwan would be the person to

“you can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy—“ [gets hit by a bus]

it just fits

hoshi: gretchen. his dad invented toaster strudel. tiger flavor. doesn’t even have to make sense bc he’s so rich. hoshi’s hair is so big bc it’s full of secrets

“gretchen, stop trying to make horanghae fetch happen. it’s not going to happen!”

deekay: karen. who else would hold their boobs and tell the weather??? *holds* it’s sunny. and it works every time. it’s like he has espn or something

“do you wanna do something fun? do you wanna go to taco bell?”

honestly cady would probably be dino, but the possibly of vernon being cady is just too funny to pass up.

vernon: im from africa

deekay: so if ur from africa… then why are u white

hoshi: oh my god dk… u can’t just ask people why they’re white

vernon: cady. a very funny twist on the new girl from africa. like wdym you don’t wear a whole zombie bride costume to the slutty halloween party?

the only thing historically accurate about dino being cady would be the beef between her and regina (seungkwan), but that’s just semantics

(plus the comedic value of having vernon as cady far outweighs the realistic plot benefits of dino as cady)

jeonghan: regina’s mom. “you’re doing great sweetie!” like who else would encourage all of seungkwan’s bad habits so naturally? just one camcorder video at a time… also gets his tits chewed off by a chihuahua #rip

joshua: aaron samuels. absolutely heartthrob. aaron literally is just smart and sporty but also lives with his mom and spends most of his time helping her at home. this is literally just josh. our fav church oppa

jun: janis. just the chic cool vibes. just like a very cute and lovely janis. also lesbian

mingyu: damian. too gay to function? yeah, that’s him. he will never defeat the gay allegations. and he wants his pink shirt back!!! he wants his pink shirt back!!!!!!

seungcheol: glen coco. just received 4 candy canes from santa!damian (mingyu) for doing absolutely nothing. you go glen coco!

also seungcheol: ms. norbury — but only because he would probably escalate the situation instead of diffusing it.

woozi: mr. duvall (the principal) bc his main trait is having a crush on ms. norbury and being anti-slut/whore-shaming. also has carpal tunnel syndrome??? so on-brand

-

more but just for shits and giggles:

also mingyu: jason. bc ofc he and gretchen (hoshi) would have a rocky relationship

mingyu: is your muffin buttered?

vernon: what

mingyu: would u like us to assign someone that will butter your biscuit

vernon: my what.

seungkwan: is he bothering you? mingyu why are you such a skeez?

hoshi: you were supposed to call me last night

bc the mingyu x hoshi beef will still continue into the mean girls universe

minghao as the lady who tells regina (seungkwan) her dress doesn’t fit and she needs to go to a different store → “u should try sears☺️”

wonwoo as regina’s dad that comes out only once and it’s him crying at regina’s halloween costume

dino as the bus driver that hits regina george (seungkwan)

-

everything about this to me is so funny

[practically-an-x-man]

Tell me about Calypso, Fangs, and/or Maleficent?

Thank you!! These are some of my more interesting ideas, I'm eager to talk about them!!

Under the cut for space :D

Calypso is the nickname for a future OC x OC Good Omens fic (yes, you read that right, this one's not an OC x Canon fic! what a surprise lol).

It involves an angel named Ithuriel/"Rue", the angel of community and music, who falls in love with a human woman (named Calypso) in Ancient Rome. They have a few years of beautiful romance, and Heaven doesn't pay much attention to it... until Calypso finds out that Rue is an angel, and Heaven punishes them both. Rue becomes Fallen, and Calypso is blinded (for looking upon an angel without being a prophet) and has her memory wiped. Rue keeps an eye on her from afar, keeping her safe and extending her life and even comforting her on her deathbed (though Cal doesn't remember her, and doesn't even entirely realize she's there).

For centuries she grieves, not only for her lost love but the love that was taken from her in Heaven's punishment, and then... in the modern age, she's out busking in a local park and finds a familiar voice singing along to the ancient hymnal she's playing. As it turns out, Heaven's punishment was out of line, and God made Calypso an angel after her death (the angel of small pleasures, like all the times she brought Rue a meal while she was out busking in front of her restaurant).

____

Fangs is an idea I came up with after reading the Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires. It takes the book's themes of subtle abuse/manipulation and how the most "perfect" homes often house a darker side. One of the main characters in the book, James Harris, is a vampire who appears outwardly very charming but secretly is the cause of a lot of distress, and hardcore manipulation, to the other members of the town. In the book, he's a bachelor, but I wanted to explore the idea of him manipulating a romantic partner the same way he manipulates the other people he comes across.

Enter Rembrandt "Remy" Duvall, a werewolf from the 16th century and James' longtime romantic partner. Remy believes they're entirely in love - he's gentle, he's romantic, he helps her through her painful and dangerous lycanthropic episodes - but a deeper dive into their relationship proves that James Harris has only been using her for his own gains. People are more accepting of a couple than a single man in these sleepy towns, it keeps the illusion up, and he's been feeding on her when other victims are lacking.

Eventually, Remy does become a part of the titular Southern Book Club, and having positive female relationships does lead to her understanding the manipulation and abuse she's been tolerating for so many years now. The club takes care of James Harris, ensuring he'll never come back... and Remy, once she's learned to be her own person again, ends up striking up a connection with one of the other members of the book club (who canonically divorces her husband at the end of the book, for his similar manipulation tactics, and I want her and Remy to become life partners and support each other)

____

Maleficent is the code name for another unwritten fic, though this one does have an actual title: Of Cliffs and Deserts. It's primarily linked to Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, where we get more backstory into the Dark Fey and where they come from.

This fic in particular starts with Sable, a young Dark Fey from the rocky, windy cliffs at the far edge of the continent, who's moved to the Nest with her father after being discovered and attacked by human invaders. Because her home biome is incredibly stormy and windy, she's a skilled flier even as a child, and only gets better as she ages. Her other principle skill is camouflage: her particular branch of the Dark Fey had their magic evolve into the casting of illusions instead of growing plants, since there was such little plant life on the stormy cliffs where she's from.

She strikes up an immediate friendship with Borra (they're both about 6-7 at this point), which ends up becoming an incredibly strong bond that lasts years. They're inseparable... until Sable is seventeen, and her aging and chronically-ill father decides that the Moors will be a better place for them than the Nest. She goes with him, afraid he'll get hurt if he's on his own, and promises that she'll be back as soon as she can.

Two months later, an injured Fey from the colony that went to the Moors comes flying back to the Nest, warning them that humans came and slaughtered every Fey they saw, including all of the Dark Fey there. Borra is, justifiably, heartbroken, and it's part of what eventually prompts him to become the leader of the Dark Fey and call for war against the humans.

However, unbeknownst to the Nest, two Dark Fey survived - Maleficent, of course, hidden away in the depths of the Moors; and Sable, who had her wings cut off and was made into a "human" servant girl for a wealthy lord. Her illusion magic is captured in an amulet, which provides such a strong illusion that not only does she appear completely human, she genuinely believes herself to be Samera, a human girl who tends the queen's orchards.

Long story short, during the war they will reunite, and Borra eventually starts to suspect the illusion magic at play and tries to break Sable out of it.

That's all I'll say for now, I've rambled long enough.

[twittercomfrnklin2001-blog]

The Shining

I had an interesting experience re-watching THE SHINING (1980, Showtime) for the first time in over 40 years. Going in I knew what had bothered me on my first viewing, so I was able to look past those things and appreciate a lot of the good things in the tale of a writer who takes a job at a hotel in the Rockies that’s shut down for the winter, Under the influence of the spirits there (it’s not in his head; all three members of the family see them), he becomes a threat to his wife and son. It’s hard to deny the visual and aural power of Kubrick’s work. The use of Steadicam and the scoring with contemporary composers like Bela Bartok and Gyorgi Ligeii help greatly in building a sense of dread. And though there have been complaints about the film’s slow pacing (the bathroom scene between Jack and Grady, the former caretaker now manifesting as a waiter, is particularly glacial), when Kubrick cuts quickly, it’s quite effective.

The biggest surprise for me, however, was Shelley Duvall. Despite pans from many critics and Stephen King, I think the performance works. She’s not just a helpless female there to scream a lot. She reads as a young wife emotionally closer to her son than her husband and trying desperately to make a failing marriage to an abusive dry drunk work. There’s also one very telling shot in which she’s tending the boilers at the hotel. This is supposed to be her husband’s job, but he’s become so consumed with writer’s block and the start of his possession, she’s had to step in and take over. And when their son returns from Room 237 with bruises and a torn sweater (one of the scariest things in the film is imaging what happened to him rather than seeing it), she not only assumes her husband has attacked him; she goes on the offensive in a surprisingly fierce moment.

My main sticking point with the film remains Jack Nicholson’s performance. King had complained that casting him on the heels of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (1975) would prepare audiences to see his character as insane. I had hoped that after years of seeing him play a variety of roles that sense of typecasting would have faded.  But the problem isn’t that. It’s the choices he and Kubrick have made. In his first scene, the interview for the caretaker’s job, he’s under control. When he’s driving his family to the hotel there’s a telling moment that sums up the bad marriage. Duvall tries to start a conversion, and he dismisses her with an “mm-hmm.” But then he tells their child about the Donner Party and starts going manic. Even in the ‘70s, Nicholson was capable of subtle, controlled performances, but here over-the-top is his base. The funny moments when he wields his axe and yells “Honey, I’m home” and “Here’s Johnny” take over the horror for a moment. It’s just manic Jack having fun.  Instead, I’d prefer to focus on the good performances from Duvall, Danny Lloyd as their psychic son, Barry Nelson as the hotel’s manager and Anne Jackson in one scene as the son’s pediatrician.

[dogsstew]

Whats your favorite characters and whats there actors or favorite actors in general (ik this might be dumb bc you post a lot about characters you like)

Not dumb at all! I watch a shit ton of movies so I like a shit ton of people.

So here’s a list!

Michael J. Fox (any character he plays he’s always been my favorite person. Yes even Stuart little)

Kyle MacLachlan

•Dale Cooper - Twin Peaks

(And Michael Ontkean Hi Harry)

•Jeffery Beaumont - Blue Velvet

Jean Reno

•Leon- Leon the Professional (comfort movie somehow)

Jack Nance

•Pete Martell - Twin Peaks

All of Moomin and the critters in the Valley.

Jeffery Combs

•Herbert West -Reanimator

•Dr. Crawford - From Beyond

Spock and Kirk and Bones <3

Virgina Madsen

•Helen Lyle - Candy Man

Sissy Spaeck

•Carrie my Beloved my Baby

Marilyn Burns

•Sally Hardesty -Texas Chainsaw (74)

Pete Brouwer made me gay as a kid

Steve Christy - Friday The 13th as the sexy camp counselor dude

The Adventures of TinTin! Him as a character and also the 3D movie is near and dear to me.

Bill and Ted OF COURSE

Alex Winter

•Ricky Coogan - Freaked

•Marco - The Lost Boys (I need to become him)

Everyone In Rocky Horror they’re all brilliant

Shelly Duvall

•Wendy Torrance -The Shining

•Olive - Popeye (also made me gay)

Used to be Obsessed with Fix it Felix Wreck it Ralph…. For some reason

Good Omens

•Aziraphale- Michael Sheen

•A. J. Crowley- David Tennent

Including Dr. Who…

Weird Science

•Gary- Anthony Michael Hall <3

•Wyatt - Ian Mitchall-Smith <3

•Lisa - Kelly LeBrock

Jodie Foster

Clarice - Silence of the Lambs <3

It’s a lot of Science Fiction characters from the 80’s. Dumb and Stupid and Lame loser characters that act like they’re not is my favoriteeeee. But I could go on and on and on I’m so fr I love movies. But these are the ones off the top of my head. A lot of these actors I’ve seen every single thing they’ve made too so! Not really in any order or particular.

uh sorry for the ramble!

[pamelasmith7]

The Shining is a 1980 psychological horror film[7] produced and directed by Stanley Kubrick and co-written with novelist Diane Johnson. It is based on Stephen King's 1977 novel of the same name and stars Jack Nicholson, Danny Lloyd, Shelley Duvall, and Scatman Crothers. Nicholson plays Jack Torrance, a writer and recovering alcoholic who accepts a new position as the off-season caretaker of the Overlook Hotel. Lloyd plays his young son Danny, who has psychic abilities ("the shining"), which he learns about from head chef Dick Hallorann (Crothers). Danny's imaginary friend Tony warns him the hotel is haunted before a winter storm leaves the family snowbound in the Colorado Rockies. Jack's sanity deteriorates under the influence of the hotel and the residents, and Danny and his mother Wendy (Duvall) face mortal danger.

[codycawdren]

The Video Dead (1987)

Director: Robert Scott Starring: Rocky Duvall, Sam David McClelland, Roxanna Augesen A family takes delivery of a new television set, unaware that it is the gateway by which killer zombies enter the world. From the movie title to the poster to the inexperienced cast and director, I expected a bad B-movie, and I was right. This was bad. In fact, I almost stopped watching after just a few…

[optimistredsox]

26 Aug, LAD @ BOS, 5-8, win

Hey folks, we beat the Dodgers and still have a chance to win the series! How cool is that? I think it's pretty cool, myself. Was it all smooth sailing? Hell no! Paxton's start was a little rougher than we'd come to expect for one and for another we were down two runs by the end of the fifth. Coming back to win it seems like pretty classic Scrappy Rollercoaster action to me. It's also a sound reminder that whilst we lost on Friday, it was neck n' neck until the end. The Dodgers are a great baseball team. They have Mookie Betts (who I still miss with all my heart)! And they have Dave Roberts! Beating great teams is what it is all about, and nobody has been able to shut up about the "playoff atmosphere" at Fenway this weekend because everything fucking counts right now. The Wild Card race is frantically reaching battle royale levels of neck n' neck-i-ness. So a win like that means plenty of bright sides.

You know how, since Adam Duvall came off the IL, I've been going on about how nice it would be for him to get hot? Well, I think he's pretty close to that now. He saved the fucking day in the sixth with a three-run dinger that put us in the lead and won the game for us. He was 2-for-4 with 3 RBIs and a run scored.

Dugie made history, becoming like the third or fourth dude every to hit leadoff homers in three consecutive games. Hope he goes for a fourth time today.

Justin Turner went 3-for-4 with a dinger, 2 RBIs and two runs scored. Ginger Gandalf, we appreciate you.

Winckowski steadied the ship after Paxton's rocky start and with a bunch of mixing and matching the bullpen in general were, if not great, certainly good enough to do the job last night.

We won!

We're still in the race!

It's all terribly exciting (and terribly stressful)!

[diarioelpepazo]

El zuliano estuvo cuchillo y los maniató con 8 ponches para conquistar su séptima victoria de la temporada. William Contreras anda irreconocible, se fue de 5-3, tres impulsadas y dos anotadas. Carlos Hernández cayó ante Boston. T. Mogollón/R. Carreño No hay nada mejor que comenzar una semana en las Grandes Ligas que triunfando, sobre todo cuando empiezas una serie en la carretera. Así le sucedió a los Mellizos de Minnesota, que gracias a Pablo López lograron imponerse 9-3 a los Tigres de Detroit en el Comerica Park. Para esta ocasión, el lanzador zuliano tuvo una presentación impecable, incluso mucho mejor que su primera salida del mes de agosto. Y es que hoy trabajó por espacio de siete innings, permitiendo cinco imparables, sin anotaciones ni boletos y con ocho ponches en total. La ofensiva de Minnesota apoyó a López en los tres primeros episodios, anotando un total de ocho carreras. Tal actuación se combinó con el buen control que tuvo sobre el montículo, pues sacó hasta nueve outs de manera consecutiva. Con este triunfo dejó su marca en 7-6 luego de 23 aperturas esta temporada, con 3.81 de efectividad, 1.10 de WHIP, y 173 ponches en 141.2 innings de labor. Cabe agregar que actualmente es el tercer lanzador con más abanicados en las Mayores y el segundo de la Liga Americana. Otro detalle no menor es que con la actuación de esta noche ya tiene tres encuentros en los que no otorga una base por bola y poncha a cinco o más rivales. Además, es la tercera blanqueada que consigue este año. William Contreras guía el triunfo de Milwaukee [caption id="attachment_83244" align="aligncenter" width="675"] Contreras es pieza clave para su novena / foto cortesía[/caption] El receptor venezolano de los Cerveceros de Milwaukee, William Contreras no suelta el pie del acelerador y sigue dejando números envidiables está temporada, su víctima hoy fueron los Rockies de Colorado contra quienes guio el triunfo por una pizarra final de 12-1. Contreras fue vital para la consecución de una nueva victoria para los Cerveceros, puesto que terminó el juego de 5-3 con un total de tres carreras traídas a la registradora y un dos anotadas. Además, gracias a sus tres imparables llego a la cifra redonda de 100 en lo que va de campaña regular. Por los momentos, el careta criollo batea para un porcentaje ofensivo de .281, con 11 cuadrangulares, 50 impulsadas y 50 anotadas todo esto en 356 turnos al bate. Contreras también es vital detrás el plato guiando a la rotación de Milwaukee la cual se ha presentado muy sólida en la zafra. Por su parte, los Cerveceros se ubican en la cima de la División Central de la Liga Nacional, tienen un juego y medio de ventaja sobre su más cercano seguidor quienes son los Rojos de Cincinnati. Carlos Hernández no pudo con Boston Carlos Hernández | Foto cortesía BEISBOL GRANDES LIGAS Los Reales de Kansas City iniciaron con una derrota (6-2) su serie ante las Medias Rojas de Boston en el Fenway Park. Si bien el compromiso estaba encaminado a irse a extrainnings, una serie de desafortunados momentos hicieron que Carlos Hernández cargara con otro doloroso revés. El lanzador de 26 años se subió al montículo en la baja del noveno episodio con la misión de mantener el encuentro empatado. Su trabajo comenzó dominando a Justin Turner con elevado, permitiendo un doble de Rafael Devers y luego ponchando a Adam Duvall. Sin embargo, la situación se complicó con los siguientes bateadores. Hernández otorgó boletos seguidos a Triston Casas y Luis Urias, algo polémico este último que terminó con el manager Matt Quatraro expulsado. Luego, Pablo Reyes se paró en el cajón de bateo y al segundo lanzamiento le conectó un grand slam por todo el jardín izquierdo. De esta manera, el criollo cargó con otra derrota para dejar su marca en 1-7 -con un salvado- esta temporada. En 49 apariciones cuenta con 4.20 de efectividad, 26 carreras permitidas, 19 boletos, 66 ponches y 40 hits recibidos en 55.2 episodios de labor.

Cabe mencionar que previo a este juego, Hernández tenía tres salidas de un inning cada uno en las que solo había tolerado un hit y una carrera (jonrón de Francisco Álvarez), con tres boletos, cuatro ponches, un triunfo y un salvado. Pablo Reyes walk-off grand slam off the foul pole! pic.twitter.com/sDXC3wLK4v — Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) August 8, 2023 This was ruled a no swing by Luis Urías Pablo Reyes came up next and hit a walk-off grand slam pic.twitter.com/B3LP3G8O4M — Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) August 8, 2023   Para recibir en tu celular esta y otras informaciones, únete a nuestras redes sociales, síguenos en Instagram, Twitter y Facebook como @DiarioElPepazo El Pepazo/Meridiano

[muckrakerhq]

THE MUCKRAKER : EIGHTH EDITION (  APRIL 26TH, 2043 )

THIS MONTH’S EDITION OF THE MUCKRAKER MUCKRAKER IS HERE TO HELP YOU KEEP UP WITH THE LATEST GOSSIP! READ THE MARCH EDITION BELOW TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR THESE  LOSERS AND LEGENDS.

AND REMEMBER, IF I HEARD IT, IT’S PROBABLY TRUE…OR SOMETHING.

JBIJ’S MONTHLY RANKING ( PG. 1 )

this month’s ranking includes jacob ben israel ii’s favorite establishments based on wedding attire for the puckerman-remington union…paired with commentary.

LINK  -  self appointed flower boy @lincolnonline​​ pulled out all the stops with his outfit to the wedding. dare i say more heads turned his way than to the bride? we LOVE a shit stirrer! 

IVY -  nepotism is treating @ivystjamess well! while i’m not convinced she can pull off the whole pastel thing yet, she sure did look good as she chased julien schuester out of the venue in distress! 

NOAH - noah didn’t stand out in her bridesmaids dress in the slightest, but @puckermanoah certainly proved that she could be the hot sister after changing into a little red ensemble for the reception! one question noah, where’d you get the money for a dress like that?

ELI - not sure if @eli-stjames got the memo that this was a wedding, not a funeral, but one of lima’s ex-grungiest looked absolutely stunning in black this evening. eli undoubtedly shattered the hearts of het men all over that reception!

JOEY - men typically don’t dress well and @dumbofassjoey further proved most men will go with a regular suit and call it a night. however, in comparison to his other, plain, peers, he wore it the best. 

COVER STORY ( PG. 3 )

arguably the best ( or worst ) spot you want to end up on if you ever receive the HONOR of being in the muckraker. this is THE juiciest story jbi jr. could get his hands on and he promises to deliver it with integrity to his devoted readers.

                  NEW WWE VENUE ANNOUNCED: THE LIMA BEAN!

like most people who hail from lima, you’re stuck in that godforsaken mass text finn schuester created in high school. if you were fortunate enough to actually unmute it and check, you were able to see the events leading up to the smackdown of the century between @zoepuckerman and @ljholliday. word on the street is lj is obsessed with zoe, her ex-boyfriend, and her friends. it got so bad lj took sterling duval to visit her sneaky link, THEO BEISTE. additionally, lj was so obsessed, she banned, eli, zoe, and most hot people from the party she threw with sterling. zoe, in a very rationally way, defied that order and attended the party anyhow. within five minutes of walking in the door, she reminded partygoers just who she is by physically handing lj her ass. here in lima, we appreciate a fight, love a good girl fight, and adore zoe puckerman even more when she’s punching weirdos! lj tried to fight back, but, meh. i once again commend zoe for acting in honorable fashion, and condem lj for being a stalker. if anyone has a video of the fight, please email it to muckrakernews@gmail.com, we’d love to post it! 

MORE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS SPLIT, JOEY MOVES ON RAPIDLY!

earlier this month, one of few gay couples to make it out of that godforsaken town called it quits! eyes and ears have given little confirmation as to why @angel-alexanderr and @dumbofassjoey went their separate ways. as intriguing as that is, the juiciness of the story doesn’t end there though. apparently joey bounces back just as quick as he throws his ass back, because sources say he’s got himself a little nyc rat. @ziggilbert is a bartender and nyu student. talk about a mysterious hottie! the two were spotted together at callbacks and while we at the muckraker can’t say we’re wishing them the best just yet, we can say that we appreciate their ability to be messy. and to dearest angel, don’t cry too hard, what did you think was going to happen after you and “hoey” hummel-anderson broke up? 

RUMOR MILL ( PG. 5 )

it’s common knowledge the muckraker operates under the assumption that if something is said it MUST be true, but in the rumor mill jbi jr acknowledges the top EIGHT rumors that he’s heard going around in a few concise bullet points. because if he’s heard it, the student body should have to hear it too!

did you hear @phoenixharper​​ saved 7 kids from a burning building this weekend? i heard she started the fire because she’s an arsonist, but that was nice of her!

@meadowsbukowski is reportedly providing cannabutter with the breadstix she’s serving. all you have to do is ask for her number! 

rumor has it @samuelchangx hasn’t released any promotion for his new album because he’s still hung up on some hottie from lima. 

@heidianderson didn’t come home for the wedding, not because she wasn’t invited, but because she’s got a bun in the oven. 

another competitor in callbacks open mic night told us @frannyfeltera steals her jokes.

@rockyremington claims to have some hot new arm candy, but showed up single to the wedding. what’s wrong, rocky? does she go to another school?

sources close to @kadenfabray say he’s been replaced by a clone!

@sterlingduval is finally going to do something with her life by starting up her own company of sex toys that she’s calling daddy issues!​

COME BACK NEXT MONTH, IN THE MEANTIME, KEEP STIRRING UP MUCK!

[nothingneverno]

🔪 NEW 🔪

[blissful-simp]

Alabama - *Sweet Home Alabama guitar riff*

Alaska - *was already there*

Arizona - “Boy, 95 sure is hot!”

Arkansas -

California - “Cali!”

Colorado - *howls*

Connecticut - “Hey, New Yorkachussetts!”

Delaware - “Is there someone that could help me start a business?”

Florida - “Duval!”

Georgia - “I’m gonna go for a swim in Lake Lanier!”

Hawaii - “Anybody want some SPAM?”

Idaho -

Illinois - Wisconsin: “[technical glitch] the bears!”

Indiana - *Indiana Jones theme song*

Iowa -

Kansas -

Kentucky - “Louis-ville?”

Louisiana - “Who dat? Who dat?”

Maine - “You ever been to Banger, Maine?”

Maryland - “Anyone have any Old Bay?”

Massachussetts - “Is that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck?”

Michigan - “Liberate Michigan!”

Minnesota - “Ugh it’s so cold!”

Mississippi - “Hey land mass!”

Missouri -

Montana - “I wish there was someone here that could talk about how much they hate California and North Dakota!”

Nevada - “Home means Nevada, home means the hills!”

New Hampshire - “Hey, upside-down Vermont!”

New Jersey - “Hey, Tony Soprano!”

New Mexico - Colorado: “Our green chile is better than New Mexico’s”

New York - “Wegmans sucks butt!”

North Carolina - “It’s Bo time!”

North Dakota -

Ohio - “O-H!”

Oklahoma - “Who wants to go to-?”

Oregon - “Hey, Florida, can you call Ore-gone for me?”

Pennsylvania - “We Are!”

Rhode Island - “Hey, Connecti-Chussetts!”

South Carolina - “Does anybody have any mustard barbecue sauce?”

South Dakota - “Who’s the better Dakota again?”

Tennessee - “Good old Rocky Top!”

Texas - “The stars at night are big and bright!”

Utah - “I wish someone were here to tell me about my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ!”

Vermont - “Maple syrup!”

Virginia - “Nor-folk?”

Washington - “Is that Sasquatch?”

West Virginia - “Country roads, take me home!”

Wisconsin - “Anyone need anything from Kwik Trip?”

Wyoming -

! BONUS !

Gov/DC - “I’m about to do something drastic!”

Getting there slowly but surely! 7 to go!

[thebabysittersguidetoexorcisms]