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whxtedreams · 1 month

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Unfiltered Adoration

A Poets Love

Inspired by rupi kaur poem:

You must have a honeycomb For a heart How else could a man Be this sweet Page 191 - the sun and her flowers

Word Count: 2.6k

Tags: Tooth rotting fluff, eye spy game, Joel and Sarah, road trip, embarrassed!Joel

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

There is something profoundly soothing about being bathed in the warm glow of sunlight, especially when his rough, calloused hand rests on your thigh.

In this moment, it is all you need. The world outside their little bubble might be a chaotic, uncertain place, but here, with him, you find peace and contentment.

This quiet life, simple yet perfect, is all you ever wanted.

His thumb gently stokes back and forth across your skin in a soothing rhythm, his mind elsewhere as he hums deep in thought. His free hand rests on the steering wheel, tapping idly in time with the music that plays softly on the radio.

The sky is painted in a glorious display of orange, pink, and gold as the sun begins its descent. Birds dance and dip in the sky above, their wings fluttering in a graceful arc as they head back to their nests, signaling the end of the day.

Joel let out a soft sigh, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them. He glances to the backseat at Sarah for a moment before returning his gaze to the road. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, his eyes focused on the stretch of road ahead.

Joel glances into the backseat again, where Sarah is lounging lazily, her head resting against the seat as she reads. He taps his fingers against the steering wheel, contemplating before asking her, "Car? Cab? Cow?"

Sarah shakes her head once more, her expression still filled with amusement as she revels in her father's struggle to find the right answer. The corners of her mouth turn up into a slight smile.

"You're getting closer," she teases as she flips the page of her book.

Joel groans in mock frustration, but a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. "You're killing me here, kid," he mutters, shifting in his seat as he tries to come up with the correct answer. "You said I'm getting closer, so that means I'm warm, right? Is it a caravan?"

“Nope.”

"Do you even have a word, or are you just messing with me?"

Sarah shoots her father a mischievous smirk from the back seat, a playful glint in her eyes as she responds, "I do, I just think you need glasses."

Joel lets out a mock gasp, feigning offense at his daughter's comment. "Ouch, kid, that hurts," he says, putting a hand against his chest in exaggerated despair. "You think I need glasses? I'll have you know my vision is perfectly fine, thank you very much."

You interlace your fingers through his hand on your thigh and give it a gentle squeeze. You look over at Joel, a sweet, innocent expression on your face and your voice brims with playful affection. "I don't know," you say with a chuckle, "you were having trouble with that crossword last night."

Joel glances over at you, his eyes soft and lips pouting in a pleading expression that he knows all too well is enough to melt your heart. "You're meant to be on my side darlin’" he says with feigned disappointment, a playful glimmer in his eyes as he tries to keep a straight face.

Joel's beauty is a paradox - simple yet extraordinary, ordinary yet captivating. His eyes, although sharp, hold a depth of kindness. The strong, resolute line of his jaw speaks of determination and resilience. The soft curve of his lips can turn up in playful grins or settle into a stern, serious expression. His presence, though weighed down by the burden of the world he carries, radiates a sense of warmth and strength. Being by his side, witnessing the various facets of his character, makes you feel undeniably lucky.

A playful smile graces your lips as you add, "Sorry, babe, just telling the truth.” Your tone light-hearted and affectionate. As Joel rolls his head back to the road, you catch a glimpse of his widening smile, and the love and happiness radiating from his expression are undeniable. He pretends to be frustrated, but there's no hiding the fact that he finds joy in your banter. There's a soft chuckle that escapes him, betraying his feigned annoyance.

As the sun dips below the horizon and the night sky blankets the world, Joel continues to hazard guesses for the elusive word, his hand tenderly playing with yours in between attempts. His focus is split between the game and the road ahead, but a hint of amusement and fondness can be detected in his voice with each new guess.

You turn away from Joel, your smile warm with affection, and direct your gaze out the window. The expansive fields stretch out before you, a canvas of lush green grass and an array of colorful wildflowers. The soft moonlight bathes the scene in a serene, almost enchanting glow, making the gentle swaying of the grass and flowers a calming sight to behold.

The expansive fields offer a welcome divergence from the cramped, urban landscapes of the city. The wide-open space stretches out before you, providing ample room for your mind to wander and your spirits to soar. The peaceful scenery seems at odds with the playful tension in the car, as Joel continues to wrack his brain for the correct word.

You pause for a moment, contemplating the word before suggesting, "What about cattle?" Your voice is light and thoughtful as you make the suggestion.

Sarah lets out a theatrical groan from the backseat, her eyes rolling dramatically as she mutters, "Finally." Her response is filled with exaggerated annoyance, a hint of mockery evident in her tone.

Joel turns to glare at Sarah in the back seat, his body making an audible crack with the swift motion. Frustration laces his voice as he retorts, "What the hell, Sarah? I guessed cow five times!"

"I heard you, but you didn't say 'cattle,'" she clarifies, pulling a blanket over her legs.

Joel lets out a disgruntled grunt "They're the same thing!" he argues, his voice rising slightly in agitation.

You find yourself unable to suppress the amused chuckle that escapes your lips, watching Joel's face as it displays a mixture of annoyance and playful exasperation.

You turn away from Joel's frustrated expression, resting your head against the car door as you listen to the ongoing argument between him and Sarah. The sound of their voices rises and falls, filled with the passionate debate over the game's rules. Despite the slightly absurd nature of the discussion, there's a sense of familiarity and comfort in their banter, like a well-worn routine.

You blink slowly, your eyes still heavy with sleep as you gradually reorient yourself. Your surroundings come into focus, and you discover that you must have dozed off, your head resting against the car door. The familiar scent of Joel's jacket envelopes you, so comforting.

The memory of how you ended up with the jacket around you is a bit hazy, but the warmth and comfort it provides are undeniable. Gazing out the window, you notice the soft glow of a nearby gas station, its warm, incandescent light cutting through the otherwise dark and deserted stretch of road.

You sit up slowly, your back protesting from the stiffness and discomfort brought on by the prolonged position and realize that Joel is no longer in his seat. You cast a glance towards the backseat, finding Sarah fast asleep, the blanket tossed carelessly over her as she snores softly.

You stretch your limbs, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as the car door swings open and Joel settles back into his seat. He's carrying an armful of snacks, a variety of chips, candies, and packaged meals, and his expression is a mix of sheepishness and amusement. He shrugs apologetically before glancing over at you, a small, guilty smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Joel fumbles with the large variety of snacks he has in his lap, trying to balance them all in his arms as he lets out a nervous chuckle. He looks at you with a hint of embarrassment on his face, his voice rambling as he explains himself. "I, uh, well I didn't want to wake either of you and I didn't know what you wanted so... I may have gone a little overboard," he admits, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

You smile as a yawn escapes you, the sleep still clinging to your body. You reach out and take a wrapped sandwich from the top of the pile in Joel's lap, the plastic crinkling faintly under your touch. Your voice is soft and sleepy as you murmur, "You're so sweet."

Joel's lips curve into a broad grin at your words, a shy but pleased smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes. He glances away, a faint blush creeping up his neck, trying to hide the effect your words had on him. He fumbles with the keys in his hand, his attention suddenly focused on starting the car as he attempts to compose himself.

Joel mumbles under his breath, a hint of embarrassment tingeing on his voice as the car starts up with a low thrum. "Shut up," he quips.

You chuckle at Joel's muttered response, shaking your head affectionately. However, your humor is quickly replaced by a feeling of contentment as his hand reaches out and intertwines with yours once more. You gently squeeze his hand, feeling the familiar warmth and pressure of his touch.

This is where his hand belongs, intertwined with yours. A perfect fit.

By the time the car pulls up in front of a small, modest motel, the moon has risen high in the night sky, casting a silvery, otherworldly glow on the surroundings. The radio clock on the dashboard flips over to 11 PM. Exhaustion hangs heavily on you, making the sight of the motel a welcome sight.

After checking in at the front desk and gathering your bags, Joel carefully lifts the sleeping Sarah into his arms, holding her close against his chest as he carries her into the room. He holds her with a tender, gentle grip, his fatherly care apparent in his actions. Once inside the room, Joel places her down onto one of the beds, tucking her in with a kiss to her forehead.

Joel turns away from Sarah and his gaze lands on you. You're standing just inside the bathroom doorway, your eyes silently watching him as he moves around the room. There's a moment of silence between you before he approaches, his footsteps heavy yet deliberate on the carpeted floor.

Joel's arms wrap around your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck as you stand at the sink brushing your teeth. You can feel the tickle of his beard and the warmth of his breath on your skin. His embrace is soft and affectionate, a wordless moment of connection. The feeling of his smile against your skin is evident, the curve of his lips pressed firmly against your neck.

As Joel gently sways you in his arms, his movements slow and steady, it feels as if your heart is being consumed by a sweet, aching sensation. The depth of his affection, the overwhelming tenderness he pours into this moment, is so overwhelming that it borders on painful. The love that seems to pour out of his every action leaves you feeling both impossibly light and impossibly heavy all at once.

His head raises, and he meets your gaze in the mirror, his eyes locking with yours. The unfiltered adoration that you see reflected in his gaze sends a wave of intense emotion crashing through you, almost like a physical force. It feels as if your heart is expanding in your chest, filling with a mixture of tenderness and love. For a moment, you feel as if you can barely breathe, overwhelmed by the magnitude of his feelings for you.

The thought crosses your mind as you gaze at Joel in the bathroom mirror. How could someone be this beautiful, so full of love? There's a sense of wonder and awe in the realization that he must be made of something different than you. It's as if he were crafted from a completely different mold, his very being designed to possess and express such a profound depth of affection.

The thought that Joel must have a heart crafted from the most delectable materials, like honeycomb, chocolate, and candy, almost seems to perfectly describe his sweetness. It's as if his love and affection are so pure and genuine that they could only have originated from something so utterly, irresistibly sweet.

There's a sense of wonder in the idea that such a heart could exist, one that radiates such a powerful, honeyed goodness.

After you and Joel have finished showering, you find yourselves in bed, his hands exploring the curves and lines of your face with a tender, almost reverent touch. His eyes sparkle with a mix of affection and wonder, his gaze fixed upon you as if you are the most precious thing in the world. It's as if he can barely believe that you are real, the touch of his fingers tracing over your skin filled with a soft, awed wonder.

His confession reaches your ears as you're on the cusp of sleep. His hand gently caresses your head, his touch soothing and calming. Joel's voice is soft, a quiet murmur as he whispers, "I think I want you to move in with me," a vulnerable, tender admission.

Your eyes open as he speaks, a rush of surprise and wonder washing over you. You meet his gaze, his soft smile making him look like an angel in the dim, warm glow of the outside lamp as it filters through the window by the bed. Your heart skips a beat as you take in his expression, the tenderness and vulnerability in his eyes.

As you gaze into his eyes, his soft smile and tender expression like a heavenly apparition, the words 'no' or 'maybe' don't cross your mind. The thought of turning him down, of refusing an offer so heartfelt and sincere, seems impossible.

Even though he's a broken soul, a fallen angel in some sense, there is still a radiant beauty in him. In that moment, you feel as if saying 'yes' is the only option, as if your very soul is responding to the pull of his love.

In that moment, as you nod in agreement, his lips gently meet yours. The kiss is soft and sweet. It feels as if a lock has clicked into place, solidifying your decision and cementing your commitment to this new step in your relationship.

His lips, soft and tender against yours, seem to confirm the fanciful notion that he must be made of all things sweet. The taste of him, the way he kisses, everything about his mouth feels like a sweet, delectable treat, addictive and irresistible.

You can't help but let out a soft, breathless chuckle into the kiss.

When he pulls back, he looks at you with amusement in his eyes, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

“What?” He huffs.

“You’re just- sweet.”

Joel lets out a low, melodramatic groan, rolling his eyes before he turns onto his back, pulling you with him. You settle against his side, your hand instinctively finding its place on his chest, right over his heart.

The steady ticking of the clock and the faint, constant hum of the traffic on the highway outside fill the room with a soft, ambient soundtrack. Joel's breathing deepens and slows, the rise and fall of his chest steady and predictable. For a moment, you think he's asleep, but then you hear a soft mumble, a barely audible murmur passing his lips.

“You make me sweet.”

Notes

This has been in the drafts for months – don’t look at me. Coming back to this lil one shot series as they’re so sickly in love and deserve my attention. Also I had no intention of them moving in together but then suddenly Joel says that and well- he gets what he wants lol.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction

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notyouraryang0dd3ss · 5 months

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taylor swift is elon musk for white women who love greige and instapoetry. same overblown ego, same vitriolic pettiness, same incompetence, same tendency to lie endlessly about their past and use the media to prop up those lies. oh and to fabricate their achievements - those chart numbers mean fuck all. it is insulting to even see her generic uninspired bloated album mentioned alongside those like cowboy carter. her legacy will never be anything but greed and ugly drama

this was like a sermon to me. you spoke to the masses (me and my friends) with this one (also griege is such a good word...adding this in my daily vocab now) but taylor swift really is rupi kaur for white girls.

i have nothing to say you genuinely captured her white woman bullshit anon. im in awe

+ “fabricate achievements” its absurd the amount of industry accolades taylor has for the quality of music she puts out. she’s not even the best white girl lyricist of her generation and isn’t even in the running for singer.

The constant comparison between her and Beyoncé/MJ is disrespectful to the contributions each artist has made to the music industry/academy. Beyoncé has made (4) critically acclaimed albums IN A ROW and INVENTED the concept of a “surprise drop” album AND the complete VISUAL album. MJ revolutionized the music video format to what it is today and is the first ever PERFORMER of music.(Don’t worry—I don’t like both artists as people nor do I listen to them. But you should know I used to be a Beyoncé fan up until her zionist moment last year so I know a lot about her)

Swifties constantly disrespect Black artists and achievements by comparing them to Taylor Swift who is no where in the orbit of talent that Beyoncé and MJ possess. Whitney Houston only has 1 AOTY but her legacy is unquantifiable. They constantly bring up numbers because it’s all Swift has.

When we talk about the Eras Tour 5 years from now—ACTUALLY, RIGHT NOW—Nobody is talking about Taylor’s stunning vocals or jaw dropping dance performance. They’re talking about how much she’s grossing. It’s always going to be about the money for her.

You’re right. Her legacy will really be nothing but greed and ugly drama, her lovers forever immortalized into her discography. She is really a miserable unremarkable person. And she knows it and she takes it out on everyone and everything. And white women see themselves in this and throw their money at her because they find camaraderie in her misery.

Anyways. Thank you so much for breaking down the genetic code of a white woman. I’m gonna cite it forever

#ask #anon #notyouraryang0dd3ss #anti taylor swift #taylor swift critical #fave #white feminism #eras tour #beyoncé #mj

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forasecondtherewedwon · 7 months

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stop-motion poetry

Fandom: Masters of the Air Rating: T Word Count: 1295

Summary: the irony of loneliness / is we all feel it / at the same time - Rupi Kaur (Italicized passages are also Rupi Kaur poems.)

i tried to find it but there was no answer at the end of the last conversation

Everywhere was empty, like a museum. Crosby’s skittish fingers kept tracing around inside his pocket, and he finally realized what he was absent-mindedly feeling for: the snow globe.

In his other pocket, he had the intercepted letter. He was treating those words as Bubbles’ last to him, though… would Bubbles have shown him the letter? Maybe, if Crosby had asked. Maybe, because Bubbles might feel he was coming between Crosby and Jean if he didn’t. He could be funny like that. Whenever Jean came up, Bubbles made Crosby feel like Wendy regarded by the Lost Boys—an adult among children.

Wouldn’t you like to know, Bubbles had shot back when Crosby’d repeated the name of the plane. Suddenly, Crosby was the clueless one, Bubbles with the inside baseball on the mystery of women, high on the promise of She’s Gonna. Now, Crosby wasn’t so sure Bubbles was correct; why should he have liked to know? He had no inclination to know what Bubbles knew. What the sky looked like when all the planes in it were falling. Whether you felt an explosion that happened so close, so fast. How long it took to die from a thing like that. Nope, Crosby wasn’t interested.

He preferred to remember Bubbles the way he remembered the snow globe: a little something to carry with him everywhere he went. When the world slanted, something to be plucked from the tilt and, once held, leveled.

—

i hardened under the last loss. it took something human out of me. i used to be so deeply emotional i’d crumble on demand. but now the water has made its exit. of course i care about the ones around me. i’m just struggling to show it. a wall is getting in the way. i used to dream of being so strong nothing could shake me. now. i am. so strong. that nothing shakes me. and all i dream is to soften.

She recalled that he’d had too much to carry, heavy kit bag slung over his shoulder, but when he’d taken the provisions she’d passed him, he’d managed not to crush the donut against the mug of coffee he’d held in the same hand. Herbert had been gentle, that was what Helen recalled. Forward, yes. Obvious, yes—but gentle.

Some of them hadn’t taken the donut, but just about all of them took the coffee, unless they were very young and shied from the bitterness. There had been others before Herbert. Men who’d crossed a room to talk to her, men who’d announced their name and stuck out their hand. Helen had felt their palms on the small of her back when they’d danced. She’d seen their faces up-close, with the bravado gone, had understood herself an as object of lust or a tap on their watch, reminding them time might be running out. Sometimes, she’d only danced with them through words. Sometimes they hadn’t come back from the mission, and she’d wished she’d been kinder.

It was good though, that she and Herbert hadn’t kissed on the mouth. It meant she couldn’t miss that feeling. Missing the smile he’d given her the morning they flew out was plenty hard. Missing the scent of the oil he’d used in his hair, the rosy smudge of lipstick she’d left on his jaw during their dance.

Ever since Major Rosenthal had told her, since he’d said Lieutenant Nash had gone down, Helen’s chest had been a crater she covered over with smiles like old boards, stiff and creaking, threatening to cave in. She felt guilt, because Herbert had called her “Helen of Troy.” She hadn’t sent them, but she was too smart and too good at punishing herself not to figure that she had, in a way, launched those ships of the air. She represented the innocent, to them. Sisters and sweethearts. To fight for her or something like her, they would all go, go by the hundreds. One less, now.

At the next dance, Helen decided, marooned on the grass by Rosenthal, she would shake her head and stay at the table.

—

yesterday when i woke up the sun fell to the ground and rolled away flowers beheaded themselves all that’s left alive here is me and i barely feel like living

Dawn came. Bucky wasn’t convinced the sun came with it. Through the windscreen and the cigarette smoke trapped in the cockpit, the sky changed colour, definitely paler than night as it arrived before his itchy eyes, but if there was light, he didn’t register it. Like a telephone call in another room, it wasn’t for him.

He wanted to drink himself into the plane. Become so liquid that the seat absorbed him, that a thin trickle of whatever was left of him dribbled into the fuel tank. Then he could be burnt up. Sic transit Major Egan: He was an unpredictable drunk, and a more successful flirt than he’d deserved to be. He’d had a best friend, once. That man—that better man—was gone and nobody was lookin’ for him. Bucky was looking pretty damn hard in the bottom of this flask, but so far, no luck.

The horizon turned blue, which was bullshit. Blue was for eyes. Bucky laughed harshly at nature’s mistake.

“Hey, Curt,” he called over his shoulder, loose grin sliding all over his mouth. “Curt!”

But that had been a different today-is-tomorrow. Bucky blinked more tears back into his eyes, like he’d been doing all night. His smile withered. Too much water. Not enough light.

—

in order to fall asleep i have to imagine your body crooked behind mine spoon ladled into spoon till i can hear your breath i have to recite your name till you answer and we have a conversation only then can my mind drift off to sleep

It was usually that Curt’s body did what his mind would’ve urged him not to if it’d been paying attention. As the plane swept towards the ground and his body, shoved back against the pilot’s seat, couldn’t slow the descent, his mind took the controls and slowed time. He began to be able to separate the breaths in his rapid panting. He could think of stuff that wasn’t this, climb into the top turret of his own brain. He could see that it was a stupid fuckin’ idea to try to land a Fort with a belly full of bombs while his hands distantly and futilely kept trying to pull up and slow the glide. His body knew how it ended: in an orange ball, fire round as a cloud. His mind reached out and tugged up another reality like a blanket.

A blue hour, walking the wing, the air damp and cool, but it didn’t matter because he was warm from drinking, but not so much drinking that he couldn’t strike a taunting Bucky hard and sharp with a clean, swift hook, but not so hard and sharp that Bucky didn’t still smile after it connected, but not such a big smile that Curt was in danger of thinking it was real. The smile. The memory.

The plane battered through the trees.

“Oh god.”

He tugged up another place, another time. Dickie with a whole, smooth face. Buck’s voice coming down the line, callin’ Curt Bucky’s little spoon. Smilin’. Sleeping in a Scottish bed that smelled like wool and the fire that’d burnt down in the hearth. He’d been wound up so tight after the crash-landing, scoring those rows of cabbages from the earth. He hadn’t thought he’d be able to surrender to anyone, ever, including sleep, but sleep had come eventually.

“DICKIE—”

Yes, sleep had come.

#my writing #Masters of the Air #MotA #MotA fic #Harry Crosby #Joseph 'Bubbles' Payne #Helen (Masters of the Air)#Herbert Nash #John 'Bucky' Egan #Gale 'Buck' Cleven #Curtis Biddick

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welcometololaland · 1 year

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Round Up - Part 2

Thanks to everyone who participated this week. The theme was: rec a feel-good fanwork (a fanwork that gives you the warm fuzzies). If I've missed any, please let me know.

Disclaimer: This is a compilation of works i've been tagged in or which appear in the #fic rec friday tag relevant to the weekly theme. The recommendations below do not represent a personal curation of works. Please read at your own discretion. Heed tags and ratings on each individual work. Keep yourself safe, friends!

911 Lone Star (Part 2)

Fics (Part 2)

The Holiday by @flickerthenflare

The Ring-In by ifyoustay and Lolaland (me)

The Sex Pollen Incident by @hoko-onchi-writes

The Storm In Me by foggynite

these moments with you by @chaotictarlos

to build a home by @freneticfloetry

to love is to undress our names by @rmd-writes

to which there is no reply by @reyesstrand

What you see will be by @thevenstar

With love, your soulmate by @chaotictarlos

GIFs (part 1)

"1.03 -> 3.08" by @3416

"Can I say yes now?" by @3416

"Most Likely To": Station 126 set by @staarfires

"Text me" by @aarondingle

3am at the tarlos loft by @ropoto

Begged and Borrowed Time by @3416 based on the fic of the same name by @iboatedhere

Carlos and social media by @tailoredshirt

Carlos gifset by @rafael-silva

Carlos Reyes & Iris Blake by @weewooshows

Carlos’ Vows by @guardian-angle22

come on nance by @angeltk

every paul outfit by @guardian-angle22

favourite ships: tarlos by @cobbbvanth

firefighter paul strickland by @ayan-sukkhapisit

food as a love language by @nelsonnicks

Grace & Judd Ryder by @graceryderdaily

I'm right here by @tylerposey

knowing glances and little comments by @annefraid

marjan 3x9/4x9 parallel set by @tailoredshirt

marjan rupi kaur set by @rafael-silva

meeting the loves of their lives at the honky tonk by @lonestardaily

miracle by @guardian-angle22

paramedic mom and her paramedic children by @tailoredshirt

paul set by @scullyblr

paul strickland + trans flag colors by @genderqueerbuck

paul strickland + true colors by @floralbuckleys

perhaps the world ends here by @maxbegone

physical comfort by @tailoredshirt

proposal face squish by @3416

sleepy by @ropoto

soulmate by @tylerkennedys

Swing for the Fences, Run to the Line by @3416 based on the fic of the same name by @iboatedhere

tarlos + blue by @ayan-sukkhapisit

tarlos deleted s4 kisses by @tarlossource

tarlos dancing in the background by @angeltk

Tarlos dancing parallel by @annefraid

tarlos engagement kiss by @rosedavid

Tarlos Holding Onto Each Other by @cobbbvanth

tarlos hugs by @chaotictarlos

#fic rec friday #fic rec friday round up #part 2 #911 lone star

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madamlaydebug · 9 months

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The year is done. I spread the past three hundred sixty-five days before me on the living room carpet.

Here is the month I decided to shed everything not deeply committed to my dreams. the day I refused to be a victim to the self-pity. here is the week I slept in the garden. The spring I wrung the self-doubt by its neck. Hung your kindness up. Took down the calendar. The week I danced so hard my heart learned to float above water again. The summer I unscrewed all the mirrors from their walls. No longer needed to see myself to feel seen. Combed the weight out of my hair.

I fold the good days up and place them in my back pocket for safekeeping. Draw the match. cremate the unnecessary. The light of the fire warms my toes. I pour myself a glass of warm water to cleanse myself for January. Here I go. stronger and wiser into the new.

~ Rupi Kaur

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airfieldddrive · 6 months

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Rupi's Poetry (Revisited)

[A Writer's Achievement]

Walking with purpose across her living room, lighting candles and turning the ceiling lights off

Sitting down with much to do, at peace with herself as reflected in her lovely brown eyes

The sound of trucks and cars on the 427 fades in the distant night time

She's changed, and everything is going to be all right

And it's Rupi, writing poetry in her room

Writing words of love and words that are true

Calmly looking closer with her eyes, a pleasurable delight she has found at the sight of her body

Outside in the Indian garden, the full moon is bright

More than 4 million women, children and men scroll across their phones, reading what Rupi wrote slowly

She walks back and forth with pen and paper held firmly in hand

...And it's Rupi thinking about poetry that she is going to write for you

She writes about pain and suffering and love

Most of what she writes about is true

Far from here

Only she rightfully decides, who she is to embrace in her arms

Feeling good again

For some

Most of the time

[She's A Twenty First Century Woman]

She gets emotional like the kind of scholar that she is who reads book after book like a charm

With eyes that are clear, there is much to digest

Knowing what you know can only take you higher

Putting you in all

She's here again

Here to perform

Putting you in all

Love and peace

Find yourself being released

She's an author, poet, illustrator, performer and artist

She's a twenty first century woman

There is much to what she writes

And all her followers

who have come from many different lifestyles and career paths

will have the time of their life

by buying a ticket and sitting down inside

Where more than a few

are seated

hand in hand

Mostly everyone's glad

She's a walking breathing miracle

She sells eternal sanctuary

She will entertain you

No matter what the temperature is outside

with Rupi inside

Everyone will feel warm

[Brampton And Malton And Toronto Heaven Sent]

We've got a feeling

there's a time to work

and a time to rest

Walking in our hometown fields

Fields that have seen generations of children

Children of the west

British descendants and the rest

Now a land of many brown skinned entrepreneurs

Standing still above ground

Safe and sound

Beating down any personal struggles

The day's chaos has begun, the workplace can be tense and ill at ease

Working hard to please...

And the chance to live in a wonderful world

without hectic commotion

Because love is where all of us need to be

and overtaken by that emotion

And even though everyone's in a good mood

Better to play it safe than sorry as usual

September has been a month to celebrate

And to have a slice of some delicious wedding cake

One of many lovely couple's have sealed their matrimonial fate

A time for celebration

and wedding hall dancing

here on earth before God

[Why Is She So Beautiful?]

Wandering through the forest

the conflicts of the world she has left

Climbing up a mountain of success

To a plateau of fresh, green grass

and tall trees full of life

Her young figure sits still

her reflection in the water she admires

that's natural

She's been published

and for that she's grateful

Salvador Dali's painting

"The Metamorphosis Of Narcissus" is beautiful

Such a brilliant painter

Narcissus blooms into a flower

Colourful and pleasing

Over and over

[Heydon's Farm]

If you go down to Heydon's Farm

You'll find a gathering of hovering Monarch butterflies

See forever eyes

that's not a surprise

Fox on the run

Over the road rocks by the jet

And there's the large lots

Memories of my mother there before

at the skating rink

where Michelle and her daughter are today

Just like everyone

Feeling both happy and sad

And of course there are good people in the world

Happy to be here

Championship drag racing

In a fast rush

Dealing with problems before the starting flag was raised

that had to be crushed

The moon and the prince

The prince was at the sticker factory

The sticker factory was beside the train tracks

The train tracks are still there amongst the enormous bustle

The bustle is what puts food on the table

and comfort all year round

Fly on a jet plane away

Sweet thing

Up on near the hikng trail

Places to go to and places you've been

You've changed into a fantastic human being

Yes

Happy as can be

And glorified as anyone can see

And fresh and clean in the morning

You've got everything

Always in

Never out

Wildwood wild things

throughout the summer blooming

in a roundabout

Changing seasons

Changes for one and all

Wish you were here

And some Hollywood stars are near

Time has come today

Time has come bringing change

Feel your body, it belongs to you and you alone

A gift from your mother and father

And from them you learn

what it is to work

during working hours

Earning your success

Making you feel tall

In my world

I hear a lot of lies

Up to here

listening to all these lies

Going with the flow

Rupi

In your world are there many that want you now?

And as you listen to your inner voice

To look for hidden doors, decorated floors and audience applause

Here for a good time

Everyone likes you a lot, they like what you've got

Your ancestral history can be felt and found throughout the land

Yes, deep in the land

And in the end, I heard before me, a clairvoyant having a spirit whisper in her head that in the end, we will find ourselves amongst those who all share similar interests

And that we'll all fit into our places

[Alpha Centauri Of The Constellation Centaurus]

With the stars of Centaurus shining bright around

A rocket ship moves slowly upward from its place underground

Rupi is strapped in, tilted back and coming up from beneath

Shimmering silver glitter around her head to below her knees

She lights up the fire in the skies

She knows she's doing well by the look in everybody's eyes

Her poetry is as rich as a sunrise

It ain't easy

Living in a painting and poetry fantasy

She is no longer alone

Made of hardy stock and thick to the bone

And the rocket engines roar

Roaring right down inside your soul

The stars of the constellation Centaurus shine alongside all of their moons

On stage, there's Rupi, reciting the words of a brand new poem

And it's Rupi, with her spoken words so true

At work and not lazy, thinking about the colour blue because it is such a fun thing to do

She's so far from here

Only she, and she alone rightfully decides who she is to receive in her loving arms

Rupi's back again, and everyone in the theatre will have a good time

[Poems]

Can't you feel your imagination get out of sight?

Pulsating colours, in the darkness of night

Like the galaxies that join after centuries, as the cycle of life expands and grows

She has come to your city and to a place that you call home

Rupi's standing shining in the sun, and she's reading with a loud voice

her favourite poems one by one

Poet of poets

Scholar of scholars

She has returned to read to the people, in theatre's close to their home

To make them feel glad that they've come, to listen to her reading her beautiful poems.

-Walter

October 18, 2019

Revisited and revised April 5, 2024

#me #writer #rupikaurpoems

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words-and-coffee · 1 year

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list of things to heal your mood: 1) cry it. walk it. write it. scream it. dance it out of your body. 2) if after all that you are still spiraling out of control ask yourself if sinking into the mud is worth it 3) the answer is no 4) the answer is breathe 5) sip the tea and feel your nervous system settle 6) you are the hero of you life 7) this feeling doesn’t have power over you 8) the universe has prepared you to handle this 9) no matter how dark it gets the light is always on its way 10) you are the light 11) walk yourself back to where the love lives

Rupi Kaur, Home Body

#Rupi Kaur #Home Body #quote #quotes #poetry

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deepdeepjoyandpain · 2 years

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Weekend::: we’ve had like 3 good ones in a row! I’m so grateful. Perhaps aggression and angst has turned a bit? All the therapy kicking in? Maturity? Hormones settling? I don’t know but I’m taking it and letting myself find deep contentment.

Yesterday was the kind of day that i thought yes, I’ve worked hard to get here. Dance- with our beloved teacher of the last four years. She gave Lou’s ends a trim during one of the other classes. Lou is there for almost 4 hours and comes out so happy each week. She’s doing en pointe now and is so proud! Not asking for her phone there either:) but seems to be making some friends??

So then I brought her to dance teachers daughter, who braided her. I trust this woman completely too so it feels good to leave her there, I picked up coffee for ms. T, and was off alone again. Then a neighbor/ couple blocks away/my brothers childhood bestie- asked if Lou could babysit after hair. Late night for her! She’s been doing this a little for their kids and she beams with confidence. I’ve talked a little with the mom about clear expectations and instructions and the mom loves Lou too. So that was my day- I drove my teen around, ha. And I had energy to work on the house/ chores, read a bit, errands, the gym. Started watching Shrinking on Apple TV.

Tonight I have my amazing besties on a google meet, we are reading and doing the exercises in Rupi Kaur’s Healing through Words and it’s wonderful. We have a date for Colorado this fall! And I even got flights already.

Dreaming of out west summer 2024- badlands, Yellowstone, and grand Tetons?? Taking off Juneteenth— 4th? We shall see! This summer is Acadia. I’m very aware that I am parenting a big kid- a teen - and how fast it is going. Hey that means I am thinking beyond this school year too! Teachers were quite positive about increased maturity during conferences.

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wannabeinsane · 1 year

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Social Media: a necessary evil or an undeniable depravity at our fingertips?

In this day and age, no one really reprimands the kind of clothes you wear or the people you date. It’s different now. They just make memes about it and post it on their stories. It seems, as though the world works a lot differently than it did twenty, or fifty years ago. This begs the question, would you rather have someone criticize your fashion sense through a funny meme shared amongst millions of users or have people say it to your face?

Recently, I have noticed that people are very quick to dismiss things that appeal to larger masses. For example, Rupi Kaur’s poetry is considered “cheesy” and Instagram trends are labeled “cringe”. These would be classic examples of the kind of cyberculture this generation is a part of, including me. Who gets to decide whether dancing to a particular song is “cool”? Why is popular literary fiction seen as a problem among some Gen Zs who have been “readers” since before BookTok or BookstaGram became a thing? It’s difficult to answer these questions without admitting that I'm a part of the problem but we all have to start somewhere.

Social media gives you freedom. It gives you a space to present a pretty and filtered version of yourself which I think is the chief appeal behind it. But also, the easy accessibility, overwhelming amount of content, and lack of boredom largely attract young individuals like myself who are trying to find themselves. Through apps like Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. we find people who are like us and that helps us feel less alone in a world filled with strangers. There is a certain allure of a world that is so vast and yet, is just a click away. A place where you can find love, hate, friendship, guidance, job opportunities, and much more. It's easy to get carried away but nothing matches the power of digital validation.

Finding a balance looks like the obvious solution but it’s clearly not that easy. For people like me, who cannot maintain a balance, not engaging at all seems like the only possible solution. For me, if there even exists a hell, I’d definitely say it’s the internet.

#writing #provacative #books & libraries #blog #thoughts

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sassy-ahsoka-tano · 2 years

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✧ Humanities Creative Prompts ✧

~ 30 creative prompts based on literature, art, and music ~

Prompts from literature & poetry

📚 “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how.” - Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell 📚 “In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 📚 “At his lips’ touch she blossomed for him like a flower and the incarnation was complete.” - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald 📚 “He stepped down, trying not to look at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” - Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy 📚 “You are my sympathy, my better self, my good angel. I am bound to you with a strong attachment.” - Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë 📚 “Tis better to have loved and lost, Than to never have loved at all.” - In Memoriam A.H.H. by Alfred Lord Tennyson 📚 “We loved with a love that was more than love.” - Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe 📚 "You might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant.” - milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur 📚 “Come. And be my baby.” - Come, And Be My Baby by Maya Angelou 📚 “If I know what love is, it is because of you.” - Hermann Hesse

Prompts from art

🎨 Il Bacio - Franceso Hayez (1859) 🎨 The Jewish Bride - Rembrandt (1665-1669) 🎨 In Bed, The Kiss - Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec (1892) 🎨 Romeo and Juliet I - Sir Frank Dicksee (1844) 🎨 Country Dance - Renoir (1883) 🎨 The Lovers - René Magritte (1928) 🎨 A Romance - Santiago Rusiñol (1894) 🎨 A Huguenot - John Everett Millais (1852) 🎨 Lovers Kissing at a Piano - Unknown artist (?) 🎨 Il Bacio - Silvio Allason (1892)

Prompts from music

🎼 Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars 🎼 I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston 🎼 All of Me - John Legend 🎼 Because You Loved Me - Céline Dion 🎼 Dreaming of You - Selena 🎼 Cry to Me - Solomon Burke 🎼 Can’t Help Falling in Love - Elvis 🎼 Can’t Take my Eyes off of You - Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons 🎼 Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers 🎼 Be My Baby - The Ronettes

#writing prompts #art prompts #prompts

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berlinbisque · 2 years

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Proud Reject (Part 1)

I’m literally blind my eyesight has deteriorated further everything’s blurry the day starts in bed & ends like that too no sunlight no connection with the outside world no one to talk to just my phone and my thoughts & loads of tears… that’s how everyday begins and ends. Its not self imposed, this happens when you are isolated by people. I can’t type but I wanted to write this… I love this mini story or script more than my next book even though the book’s more interesting but out of personal choice I like the story which I’ll be sharing tomorrow more than that, it’s not on any professional level it’s just something I would’ve discussed with a friend and laughed ie. if I had friends, something started that particular “topic” and I couldn’t help wondering… what if?

My heart was in my mouth again cuz I received a reel on FB which had his friend Aditya (he was either pretending to be him in 2016 or he himself inspite of being engaged was interested idk) they were dancing like most tv ppl and I got another panic attack… my mother was already torturing me, I woke up with high fever I still have fever headache it’s been there since a week I’m getting wheezing due to continuous crying and I realised that he wants someone famous to make such videos too. Someone rich and famous like that. Even in abroad there’s no pressure, over there all those celebs (who are are much more popular) even the ones in their early 20s when they make videos that too just one or two out of fad, they film it on their cheap phones they don’t care about the blurry quality they are not trying to sell it, they just don’t care about all that and those who are of my age (still nowhere close to Aditya, he was older than Harsh also) some of them, even if they have all those pics that I personally like (with their boyfriends - trekking or at the lake, casual everyday candid shots) they still find it hard to cope with social media and they eventually take a break from it, had they been in my position they too would’ve ended up like this out of all that pressure. I can’t keep up with your life. Few things that I’ll like to share before starting with my story, A - the sketches I’m sorry if he was hurt. I had not made them, my book wasn’t like Rupi Kaur’s either it never had those intimate doodles. I think my mother stalks me (I don’t want to write about her publicly but I have to share all this please don’t judge me by her) and she has taken advantage of a lot of things and also challengingly said “Did anyone come to help you? Everyone hates you and no one pays attention no one cares, everyone wants you to die and you will die alone like this” she has also told me a lot of hurtful things related to that guy, taking advantage of that as well and and the problem is (my hands are cold n numb lifeless rn) I can’t convey my feelings directly through some app or something so I have to rely on these public posts NO MAILS he ain’t some God or Celebrity (being a celebrity means being celebrated not deprecated) I’m not some groupie or teenager to mail my fav celebrity crush and he doesn’t belong to any boy band. What’s in it for me? Will I be rescued from my mother or helped with my health issues which started DUE TO HIM? Or is he just gonna sit there reading my mail, getting happy with all the validation after which he’ll ignore it. Am I that? Hahaha I’m not into human worship. We are more focused on our lives… especially those like me in my position. She has told me several times that I’m a “sl-u-tt” for being in LOVE or for falling in love. She also came up with the forcer tag even thought it was torturous for me and I kept crying and saying STOP stop stop cuz for us as girls rape or force is worse than murder, I never wanted him to marry me just to take responsibility for his actions I never wanted to punish him with myself and I always respected him and I’ll continue to do so I’m not his fans to write cheap comments like I saw in that dancing video (they were writing about his shirt). That tacky shirt made the whole video even more disturbing, and I didn’t see the entire thing I was in the middle of a panic attack, I just saw one shot then I died. After that I vomited, my pressure was falling rapidly and I kept crying for days cuz you know what right… (25th Oct) anyway I never shared this (one more reason/aspect) like that Chote Pandit tells Ruhaan or Ruh Baba “Aap par aise chichore kapde jajte nahi hai” I was like aah that is what they call it… anyway haha but I don’t want anyone who is being an “eye candy” for other females on television, they come and hit on him in comments that too cheap comments. Yes everyone’s doing it but that’s why we are so depressed and you are anyway not with me I don’t even get a fraction of your day or time.

My mother used that word force several times (she has said other unimaginable offending things too) cuz I was crying and it was triggering me, she said it because I wanted him to say something (but we weren’t even discussing that) for talking or communication cuz I just wanted his OCD to break. It started within 24 hours and not how you might think we met on 2nd Oct then 2 years later 2nd April and I know that we all feel jaded to text sometimes or keep the conversation going, we might not feel enthusiastic anymore after that initial excitement or whatever but it wasn’t like that, if it would’ve been that I wouldn’t have even taken so much stress. We’ve all done that at some point in our lives, internet makes us lethargic, we also get addicted to more exploration or finding new people to talk to… we feel like we can do better or take our time to choose whoever’s the most ideal for us, but his case was totally different.

At some point we would all respond or say something maybe after a week or even after getting let’s say - reconnected after losing contact or reaching a temporary impasse. We wouldn’t hold on to any grudge or some kind of a “promise” he swore never to talk to me, there was nothing to be mad about, he just decided that we will never have any direct contact his parents also said “We don’t want to keep any talukaat (contact) particularly with your daughter” he kept liking my pics BUT not replying to any of the texts (when he started liking my photos religiously I texted him on FB messenger because I thought maybe my texts weren’t getting through and I wasn’t receiving his due to some glitch but he READ those FB texts and still didn’t respond) and even after that he was liking the pics then when I told him “Are u feeling sorry for me, why do you keep liking the photos, is it the BB pin what you wanted, I even gave you a reason that too it was all funny and I gave it the very same night as soon as I woke up in the middle of it I gave it” he removed me from the list after that. I am getting wheezing I can’t get overwhelmed I had shared the exact thing which I told him when he was asking for my pin (long ago) I can’t keep reiterating everything everywhere. He then kept blocking and ignoring my real account but speaking to the fake ID

The coincidences and those premonitions in my dreams had already started which made me more curious about his behaviour so I tried talking to him but that fake ID like I said was for my school friend who was also stalking me with her fake ID. And I would not see his stories or anything, I was playing her Snapchat story but his was queued so it started playing by default where I saw that training session. When I tried speaking to him using my real acc… he not only blocked me AS SOON AS HE HEARD MY NAME (like I said he wanted no “direct” contact between me and him) he also made his account private. He made me feel like a stalker, I had already started getting panic attacks and I had stopped watching TV it has been off since then (2015 Sept) I tried moving on in Aug itself but I told you what happened over and over again, same old story repeated heartbreaks… cuz they only wanted girls like me as a call girl and according to them only pageant winners or models, fair and rich or extremely famous girls even those with notoriety (nothing worth all that attention) who were out of their league were all meant for dating. I never fell in that category. Eventually they ended up with actual call girls. I have seen their pics and I’ve seen some in real life too. All those other girls whom they were chasing would treat them like “fans” karma. Not only actors everyone these days does that and then girls of my level (caliber) get married to roadside romeos and illiterate creeps/pervs cuz all those men also want someone out of their league and they prey on us… this is a common problem in India. Anyway like I said I just wanted to see if he still remembered me by the end of that year and if he still hated me (for no reason) I had not added him to view his stories but he blocked me and made everything private. I’m twitching it affects me subconsciously now… my mother also makes me feel like this after years of (weird) coincidences which were linked to him and all that insensitivity (the story escalated he never made peace his behaviour only got worse along with all that humiliating ignorance) since she called me a “sl-tt” for falling in love with him I eventually ended up telling her that her marriage was literally arranged it wasn’t a love marriage but yet she got prégnant so many times so was that out of love or lust? I never wanted to get on such terms with her but she would keep torturing me (she had thrashed me ruthlessly even after getting fibromyalgia several times cuz I have no one in this world to support me or tell her anything) she has in fact told me a lot of harmful and offending things (out of gloating) “Dekho kuch aur kabhi koi nahi mila iss aurat ko yeh akeli hi reh gayi” and laughed (I was 25) I’ve been getting addressed as aurat or woman ever since I was 12. I was told I should’ve drowned during 26th July floods and never returned from school I would sit on the stairs with my heavy bag famished and parched everyday after coming home for 2-3 hours cuz my mother would not leave keys for me, and then get tortured at home for another one hour, I would keep telling myself one day someone will come and all this would end but I ended up being bed ridden because of whoever came and it continued for many more years to come, all my youth and adulthood.

I was never a likeable girl whom you could fall in love with, I never had those superficial attributes (white complexion, money, fame etc. they would only try to treat us like call girls that’s why I’m a lip virgin) . When I said about love and arranged marriages she said she had every right cuz she was legally married and I’m a forcer rapist (for wanting to know the reason behind his sudden silence and that absurd behaviour) she keeps saying or blurting these things out because of unrequited love cuz no one likes or wants me, it’s perceived as a social stigma in India. Cuz there’s nothing from the opposite side not even care or basic concern as a Co-human literally how can someone be so insensitive? She says all that derisively, again out of gloating and competition just to pull me down as another female. Today things were worse even though I had wheezing and I’m still getting it + fever and headache. I’m gonna cut it short now I’ve written a lot…

So coming back to the OCD or whatever part where he had made a rule that there would be no direct contact - he would either speak to my fake ID or use his own friend’s ID but one of us had to be someone else. Go through this link: https://www.lilacnights.com/post/surprise The other day I murmuring in my sleep I was so disoriented I kept saying “Aditya came with his gf Aditi… God knows for what, Harsh was also 10 kms away Aditya had said he would go to some bakery in Kandivali for evening snacks Kandivali is where they would reside he was at his house even though he would always be 6 kms away which is Malad” then I said to myself “No wake up it’s Tanvi not Aditi obviously”

I had told you, the Devil or angels all these entities in fact can probably read our minds and you know when I was browsing certain quotes it’s as if they were talking to me… one of them reflected exactly what I was thinking a few days back - Since I had seen his house in 2015-16 I knew he wasn’t rich and like I said he wasn’t even that big on Instagram or FB no blue tick and 2500-3000 followers with 250 likes, from his (natural) pics I thought he wasn’t that good looking or fair (it’s just that he wasn’t very photogenic) and so I fell in love with him but then some tarot reader told me (I had to rely on all that cuz he was not saying anything) that he was reluctant cuz he thought I was like a gold digger so I started cutting down all my expenses worked on several articles for my blogs back then, I was 20 but I was trying to be as understanding as possible… I started buying things on Sale literally if you’ve noticed for 100s-1000 all these years because of my panic attacks I never saw him after 2016 Feb and I thought maybe that is what he wanted there was anyway no hope from the others, and I had coincidences or signs here so I thought I’ll do this and then I realised it was all futile, all the selflessness and altruism it just wasn’t worth it. I even wrote a letter and clarified/acknowledged that it could be one sided while also sharing my feelings for him cuz I thought he would also cut down on his expenses because his brother was jobless like mine. That’s why I hate today’s generation they ruin everyone’s life along with their’s but I’m from Gen Z I’m actually younger than his younger brother it’s just that they are always like that, they have no pressure or expectations. I poured lots of love in that letter for this part but he hated me and then he had that stage show with her which broke my heart and I never gave it and my mother also was about to hit me again cuz she secretly read that (it had nothing which could’ve made her that livid or furious not even like a proper I love you or anything) she just said “Stop trying to look great or good” I saw the Devil’s numbers so I’m guessing it was him you had read my mind when I was telling myself that it was all wrong, I shouldn’t have ever tried being ideal for someone like that when he was already well off or rich or good looking he never needed love like me that’s why he never even understood anything, I don’t know why his house looked like that or if like ppl say Gujjus actually hide money but it was all deceptive, he was already too good he never needed love he was in a way better position. I kept saying I should’ve enjoyed and loved my life instead of getting bed ridden and cutting down everything, living on that bare minimum stuff c’mon… he showed a quote which had the exact same emotions and it was talking about all this too.

Then there were more quotes again with my thoughts but with answers this time - As a piece of advice *clears throat* the Devil’s like “Times change, we change, our choices change too… maybe you should just live out your dreams now” the background images everything all the signs suggested/reminded me of the rest of the stuff, let’s say he wants some tv actress to make those stupid immature dance reels (remember what had happened last time right? Two of them in their 40s made a misogynistic video where he was liye talk throwing her around and getting abusive and for some reason that was supposed to be funny and then that guy that “actor” he actually slammed her head against the wall in real life cuz he was having an affair) the fortune telling app said he wants someone “talented” to make those reels and earn money ummm seriously? You are going to hold auditions and another Swayamvar for this? You actually need talent for such stupid ass videos? Really? 😂🤣🤣🤣 He reminded me of my dreams (ironically the Devil not him) and he’s right here so if he is “rejecting” me for these reels like overage teenagers then even I will say - I want some NRI who stays abroad and who will take me away from all this (I gave examples of so many famous celebrities from MY age group all these ppl making videos are older, those celebs they don’t do all this and even if they do it cuz it’s a fad now it’s shot on blurry pixelated quality for fun not money and some of them they take all those cute casual pics and use Instagram like a digital album like some of our Indian Bollywood celebs and that’s it, they don’t turn this into a career that too most of it is just for attention) so yeah he’s right if he’s rejecting me for that especially after I’ve become conscious I don’t even look good so yeah I’m not suitable for the camera I have become agoraphobic I haven’t left my room since 2017 I’ve become bed ridden and he is still thinking selfishly about his own life then I also want a rescuer an actual hero who will take me abroad because why is he even staying India? Just got fame right? You hardly get anything here, we needed something for our living room and bathroom some important fixtures and even there there’s literally no choice or even proper functionality. If you see the state of our roads or the air quality outside you’ll literally feel like shifting there… it’s getting worse day by day, we hardly get any quality product here, prices are getting hiked and unlike abroad there are no alternatives, I keep getting cheap ads from “homegrown businesses” in India who are busy making Sx toys, the land of superficial Kama sutra and Chappis or pervs what else do you expect? Indians don’t need beautiful cosy homes or designer spaces (that too in a budget) or other things such as good quality food or air or any kind of consumption like that cuz they are only good at fcking and having kids. Our population shows that there are literally no brains here… my head is paining.

My mother would never believe or support me when I would say I’m always about to face molestation in the school bus cuz I’m my stop was last and I would be the only girl left everyday I would force myself to somehow keep away my head wud keep banging against the window cuz I would get drowsy, they (driver and cleaner) didn’t even spare a KG toddler, I eventually took things into my own hand and the cleaner’s frustration was evident that day and when I grew up I saw smother school bus’s driver ogling me (when I was a teenager) in my car, I immediately looked behind to see if they were being accompanied by a teacher cuz that was a new rule but the teacher was sitting obliviously completely ignorant to that in her own sweet world… (Jamnabai Bus) another toddler’s case came on tv that year where they parents had paid 10k for her picnic where she was raped and the teacher kept threatening and manipulating and raping her repeatedly he was a sad case my hands are again I’ve cold I had to mention all that this is one more reason why I don’t want kids anymore and this country it’s unlivable. I can’t stay here. All my school friends are married to NRIs, and I don’t want to stay here either… in fact considering my thoughts and everything I should’ve been the first to move. All my school friends would think I was from there… Someone had even told me that I was too sophisticated to be here when it saw my old website (I don’t have it now) he was surprised it was made in India. We asked about the bathroom hardware btw, I just received a response and as guessed they’ve shifted everything to exports inspite being an Indian brand, all the good stuff is reserved for Dubai and other places… people who don’t deserve to be there (cheap bimbos) have already shifted, for me I just fell short of the mark because of my looks ur complexion I don’t know what to blame. Look at these beautiful velvety chenille cushions with all those intricate designs (traditional + Aztec) I have studied all this on my own… you don’t get this stuff in India btw, we get nothing here.

I somehow got those items, it’s me Zara after all I can’t keep something ugly or bad in that bathroom, there has to be congruity like everything else I’m always in sync with the universe. We felt like thieves though to buy things made in Rajasthan as if it was all smuggled. In India girls develop a defence mechanism from an early age, it might sound like really dreary and lascivious if I’ll keep bringing up this topic but in this particular article I feel like I’ll have to discuss it not explicitly but I’ll have to make you understand why as girls or more precisely as ineligible (darker toned females who don’t have a rich father to buy a bridegroom for her, who won’t be able to afford any dowry you might think times have changed BUT I literally heard someone in my own family shouting and saying “My best friend’s girl has several hotels at her name her father is a business tycoon and look at me I can’t woo anyone like that, where am I? Uske gf ke baap ki itni saari hotelein hai dekho and wht about me?” He doesn’t even want to get married. That same gf was so weird she had a deviant personality she locked him from outside while they were on a trip God knows for what reason and kept him under lock and key. He woke up locked in that room.

We deal with lecherous men from the age of 10-11 and all these educated men who are supposed to take care of us are feeding us to the wolves I wanted someone of my caliber to talk to who would understand my thoughts, who would’ve able to keep up with me and my conversations someone who himself is fathomable and not some illiterate incoherent cheap vulgar man like that creep from Bhopal YET I WAS FORCED to talk to him, they left me with no choice until I blocked him and he kept coming and harassing me, he was a perv and you know his story. Is that not FORCE? In fact it’s all UNFAIR it’s the other way round… I have dealt with married creepy ugly men touching me by taking advantage of the crowd on school trips - we feel molested and exploited we feel like killing ourselves, and when a girl gets rejected for no reason she didn’t even like got chance to probably get liked for her personality or other things (we put make more efforts than all those good looking fair rich girls hoping we’ll get chosen by someone or the other) but at the end we get rejected not only for love or CARE, (every girl’s fav word) but also for emotional, financial and physical security, we are deprived of that too. We can’t depend on our old parents when we are surrounded by so many pervs who are getting further encouraged by INTERNET. Now all the pseudo feminists will be like - “You can’t learn Judo Karate (some of us have certain illnesses and unfortunately the ones triggered by stress are skyrocketing amongst girls that too chronic destabilising ones like Lupus (systematic disorder) Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s syndrome, Neurasthénia which I got after fibro due to cov & 5th Mar stress ) They will say “You can’t learn kick boxing? Karate? Pork chop? Use pepper spray…?” At the risk of what? Incurring their wrath & getting acid thrown at our face? “You can’t ask for a raise?” They sometimes pay more to men cuz they are the sole bread winners in some families and at times single girls and boys BOTH are given a smaller paycheck. There are places where they do add more zeroes for men but even after bringing up that topic things haven’t changed for us… next “Why can’t you work during your pregnancy why take a maternity leave? You are a woman we are strong invincible we don’t need that, how old fashioned? Why take an epidural? Why Caesarean? Why can’t you juggle work life and kids both? Why have children? Too primitive? Why can’t you have kids? Too ambitious? (Well there are several other reasons) Why be a homemaker? Why become a working girl? Be modern we don’t work 9 to 5… Why can’t you just party, booze and smoke and then grow your own weed, sell it & become an entrepreneur… like a female Pablo Picasso… why can’t you? Is it only for men?” All these pseudo feminists will immediately ask these things, the moment you talk about being deprived of emotional, physical or financial security which is like the need of the hour right now for females they’ll start asking such nonsensical questions that you’ll feel like pulling a trigger in your mouth instead of answering them. But what I meant to say is that is what rejection is for us. We have no hope left and our future becomes uncertain and scary. Speaking of wanting to move somewhere abroad… I would’ve probably stayed back if I had someone here, you stay for people you love… I have no one to keep me here, they actually all want me to die they are waiting for that. No one cares about my life or me…

Considering everything that I had to hear… (my head is paining so please ignore all the errors/typos) and how people have behaved with me especially him and my mother, I don’t want that forcer chaser tag anymore so if you are ready to accept me only then you can approach or if you want be friends then I’m also cool with that but don’t be fickle like him, if you are not sure then either stay away or be honest… if you don’t want me but still want to be around and if you are okay with risking your integrity although I’m very good at keeping secrets then we can have a half open marriage like I had suggested earlier. I had written all this long ago…

Girls like me who are considered “untalkable” can only dream of a platonic relationship… in my dreams sometimes I have someone by my side holding my hand when I feel like I’m dying during those convulsions or tremors and violent jerking/twitching throughout my body, I get wheezing too and even my heart muscles go through that; having said that in real life it involves romantic feelings minus intimacy and it’s unimaginable to think that someone would like us, we can use the other house mates alternative which again considering how he has made me… ugly and all and how much my mother hates having me around, I feel it would be difficult for someone to put up with me in the same environment, she keeps praying for my death cuz she “cannot stand me” (just like the guy I loved the most) and ego would want to hang around? I always wanted to be with him, watch TV, shop together, put my arm around his neck, talk, do fun things like sharing those interesting or unbelievable bizarre stories (well I have a lot now) build our home, decorate it and spend our life together, now that life is gone along with 8-10 years of my youth, I could never be with him. When they create characters like us on screen they show us like psychos, one sided forcers, they do cover these things like watching tv or preparing breakfast but we are still shown as some creep who is forcing someone to be around & craving for their presence, fighting for their time and attention. They depict us like those psychos and we end up feeling more scared 😱 hence we never talk about this. Speaking of mutualism, well maximum of these stories start off as not only mutual but also with loads of attention from the opposite side, they lure you and then humiliate. Also, who would want to watch TV with me? I can crack jokes and make you laugh if you want to be House Mates, you won’t get bored and if you aren’t like my mother then you’ll even get used to my appearance and it won’t bother you after some time. Platonic is where you can watch movies or tv together, as house mates we can use the living area as a common room apart from that we will have our own space where we can stay separately, My head is paining a lot and I have a lot of fever so I’m gonna continue the funny story tomorrow…

Gn Zara Sauleh

Coincidences - www.lilacnights.com/post/stupid-cupid

My Dream Life 👇🏻

Just so you know… this is My Dream Life. This is what I want, a warm cosy home, sunsets by the lake, Amsterdam canals & rivers, round windows, quaint little shops, egrets & ducks, some puppies, warm amber lights, 90s vibes, freshly baked viennoiseries 🥐 and love + a little bit of tranquility. Credit for videos - | utrechtalive | & | elbgestoeber | (couldn’t tag cuz I’ve seen some bloggers asking ppl to take down their videos so didn’t want to tag them I have added their usernames)

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