#SORRY. THE ENDING LINE JUST. PLAYS ON REPEAT IN MY BRAIN LOL

[acaciapines]

i read dog boy by hornung weeks ago and man. im still thinking about this book. as a therian it just REALLY hit home, and. my god. that ending. heartbreaking! but how else could things have ended.

god i adore this book. i'd recommend it to anybody who has read and enjoyed my otherkin works--its about an orphaned russian boy raised by a pack of feral dogs and oh boy!!! does it scratch all the right itches!!! its heavy and it doesnt pull its punches but its just so effective, gah.

please read this book i cannot keep spiraling about it in my own head--

[manonamora-if]

The Roads I Maybe Should Have Taken

The TRNT Post Mortem

Oye oye! As was promised, so it is! The Post Mortem for The Roads Not Taken (which hopefully won't be as long as the actual game...)

Follow me into my journey of once again speed-running my way through a competition, and coming out scratched and bruised and still not learning my lessons!

First, some links:

if you haven't played the game yet, I recommend you do before reading this!

you can find its IFDB page here (if you want to leave a review?)

and the STF version source code here for the code curious!

shortened version of the PostMortem on IntFic

Then, a little Table of Content:

The Idea

The Story

The Implementation

The Reception

The Do-Over?

And finally, we start! (under the break because it will be long - LoL at me writing 1/5th of TRNT as a Post Mortem)

I should preface this Post Mortem with I entered the SpringThing on a whim. I had just come out of a conga line of competitions and game jams since last Summer (log of release/update), and had plans on finishing working on other projects instead of this one (which I probably should have... sorry The Rye in the Dark City for abandoning you...). But I obviously didn't do that because here was another new fresh game! And then another two of those just after... whooops...

The idea for TRNT just popped into my brain one day and would not leave me until I implemented it, no matter what (yes, I am still weak willed, I have not learned my lesson from The Thick Table Tavern, the one about not rushing a project and publishing it at a later date when it is truly ready). I did have that thought in the back of my mind that if I do do this, it would be very likely I would end up with a repeat of TTTT, as in: half-full drink with too much ice, and expired garnish falling from the very pretty fancy glass.

Also I did not start working on the entry until the SeedComp was in its voting round (so around the 4-5th of March?). I really wasn't kidding about the speed-running thing....

Another thing: I had never created a parser game before this point AND suck real time at playing them! This was also indicated in my Author's comment.

Nothing obviously stopped me anyway, because here we are...

1- The Idea

A few weeks before the opening of the SpringThing intent, the French IF community was streaming some older parser entries, including Aisle* and Pick-Up the Phone Booth and Die, two games where the player can only do one action before the game ends. I'd never really experienced this kind of game before (the closest being having a sudden death/continue the story choice). It packed a punch, it was funny, and also so very weird. It left me dissatisfied and super intrigued. I wanted to try and do that too someday. *Funnily, someone on the French IF discord thought DOL-OS had been inspired by Sam Barlow's work (it wasn't, but TRNT def was).

Not, I am not going to be hella pretentious and full of myself by putting TRNT on the same level as those games (because I don't think I did a good enough job to merit a comparison), but the one-action-only gameplay and multiple endings drew me in (I love abrupt endings, cf P-Rix). I've mainly written longer form of IF rather than short bites, and I thought it would be fun to try to constrict myself as much as possible, by having just one thing, one action, one outcome.

And also: parsers. I had only dabbled with the Choice-Based/Hyperlink format, so I thought it was time to try the last unexplored part of my IF journey: parsers. Since the SpringThing Festival is a nice place to experiment, I thought why not try to make one then! I could not have survived the anxiety of the IFComp reviews for that one...

Still, it was not going to be without a challenge. I had very little experience with parsers, and I honestly didn't think I could learn how to use a parser program in such short amount of time*, when I had a lot of other stuff at the same time. So I thought, why not make it in Twine**, at least I know this program inside-and-out(almost). There would not be a steep learning curve there... What could go wrong? *lol at me, having made an Adventuron game in a non supported language in about 2 weeks after that, without ever having tried the program beforehand. I could totes have managed!! **Also, when I got set with Twine, I realised how fun it would be to maybe put people's expectations upside down by doing something you're not supposed to with Twine... or parsers!

Well, it was going right at first...

2- The Story

I really wanted to recreate the same gameplay of Aisle with its only-one-action-and-it's-over, so I started listing possible actions and put them into a context where this choice of action would mean everything for the PC - because it is the only action you have. Which might not have been a good take? Aisle works because the setting is incredible mundane, and there are no stakes.

The context pretty quickly drew itself as the player will chose a profession/career path, and if they do/choose something wrong, then...😬too bad for them, they made their choice, deal with the consequences. While, in reality, we are not stuck in a life because of one choice, but with a myriad of them (and still we can change this trajectory), it's still a big pressure you get as a youth, having to choose where to go and what to do when you are done with highschool, and what path to take. It's a lot of responsibility that sometimes feels like it will affect/haunt the rest of your life. Do I still have some of that school/parental pressure from when I had to make that choice ingrained somewhere inside? probably...

But the more foolish idea was to let my brain continue to think more about that context and create a world and story further than the choice. Instead of going forward with the consequences and the hints of what could have happened or just let the choice being the centre piece, the brain just went backwards and created a society (some sort of futuristic one) and vaguely described beings (that are not humans), and the ritualistic culture of this society, etc... While it was fun to think about all of those, and maybe provided a fun setting and enticing story for the player to go through the game, there might have been a bit too much of it. I think, in hindsight, this may have devalued the choice itself (which became even more watered down when I continued on writing the first screens).

And so, the job choice soon became the player is going through some sort of ritual (v trope-y) to determine their place in society. If it has a vibe of The Giver, it shouldn't be too surprising, the book is on my shelf.

So we still have the one-choice-to-rule-them-all, but now there is a also backstory and setting... and I have to include it somewhoeeven if it means cramming it somewhere, anywhere.

Oh wait, I thought, I'll just make it like a prologue to build anticipation for the choice!

And so the brain went on zooming again to create the waiting room, and the agonising walk in the corridor, and the finding your way to the altar, before you cant finally make your choice..... only to end up with two(-ish) paragraphs for each endings. wow - what a good balanced game this is becoming...

Speaking of endings, I had originally listed over 50 actions, each planned to have a different ending.... only to end up with about 11, 7 of those were actually related to the final countdown choice. It made me sadder than when I cut onions :(

It wasn't just the player that needed to make...

At this point, we were two weeks away from the deadline. I had the backbone of the code (-ish), a good third of the writing wasn't complete (and this was mainly those 11 endings), and no one had tested the game yet. There was no way I could have included all 50 original options if I wanted to make the deadline. might have been good in hindsight to remove those choices, especially with the current command system.

So choices had to be made and a buttload of planned things had to be cut. I narrowly managed to finish the needed endings in time (which required re-writing some of those into a fake choice), at least.

At the end, I strayed quite a bit from the Aisle concept of a mini intro - one action - an ending puzzle-y feel (and making the player piece the story together from the endings), to arrive at... well... this anxiously geolian walk to one's doom (or dream). Making the story quite... well... linear.

And from going somewhat wrong, it went a little wrong-er...

3- The Implementation

Wanting to avoid the headache of learning a new program, I had settled on Twine pretty much from the start (SugarCube, because that's how I've been rolling for the past almost 2 years!).

The big problématiques of this project were:

Twine is not a parser program (duh)

SugarCube has its limitations still (and macros that don't always work the way you want to)

I had never written a parser game before and suck at playing them (thank you, French IF streams that helps me enjoy them without experiencing the frustration of not finding the right combo!)

I still suck at JavaScript/jQuery to do weird things with the page (and probably fix all those issues)

and well did I already say Twine is not a parser program?

So I tried to get to the basic of parsers (an input box and text revealing itself onto the page when a command is entered) and prayed for the best. Easy, right?

WRONG!

SugarCube has an input box, but can only autofocus* inside one specific place (so you can't lock it somewhere else but the passage itself, which means you need to add it to every screen...) and when the passage is first loaded (doesn't work if the input box is added later on). *I have also hurt some kitten by overusing autofocus, which was only compensated by offering the the SugarCube God some bug reports about it so those issues could be fixed for the next update (TBA). But you really are not supposed to use autofocus as much as I did... 😬

SugarCube has an input box, but you can only move to another passage after you press Enter. So you can't have some fancy input checks, and you stay on the same page... without some custom listener macro* that is (Bless you Maliface and your Listen Macro) - or I guess some JavaScript code, but who has time for that... I had included a button as an alternative to confirm the commands (which was how I had coded it for DOL-OS), but it would have made the parser experience much worse if using Enter would not have loaded a response (this was a criticism from DOL-OS, which now that I know how to fix, I really should do so...). *at least until the next Sugarcube update which will include a listener.

SugarCube has an input box, but doesn't have a bank of commands, or set object indicator (like with the parsers). While you can technically separate the inputed words with some JavaScript**, whether you do so or not will end with the same amount of spaghetti code at the end, with the different conditional statements for each actions on each screen to show the correct text bits (mine amounted to almost 600 lines of code for 7 screens... without included the printed text! -> see the source code). Now that I've messed around with Adventuron, I can see how easy it is to make a parser game (set up commands and rooms and interactive object), when you have a bank of built-in commands and not have to worry about how to add the new text on the screen. Twine really added a new layer of complexity to this.... Was there a better way of doing this? probably, but don't look at me to find it. *this was how the name chosenname command came to be, and how it only printed the chosen name on the following screens. That and the autofocus being messy...

SugarCube can add text bits to a page, but unlike parser programs, it won't automatically scroll down to the bottom of the page, or at least to the added element. Adding a scroll down to the bottom or scroll up to the page was not too hard (I had some leftover js code), but it was not the solution: the UI is mobile/tablet accessible (smaller screens), which means scrolling to the bottom would make those players having to manually scroll back up (and I am usually quite verbose in my writing). So very much EH.... NOT GREAT! After quite a lot of testing, broken pieces of code, way too much swearing, and re-doing the base of the UI, I did manage to find a solution.... a month into the review/voting period.

But even with those limitations, I pushed through. I knew it was possible to make it work, so I either tried to find work arounds (and gave up the scrolling, at least until the deadline), and pushed through, banging my head against my desk because of what was achievable...

LIKE BUILDING A WHOLE COMMANDS SYSTEM...

Wanting to make things easy for myself (and the players), I thought maybe removing all verbs would make it easier to go through the game, even when having to interact with objects or people around. Enter the bolded word* from the text as the input, press enter, and read the new text! *It was important for me to have some sort of "easy" mode where the interactive things were obvious to the player, coming from a scene where parsers are not the norm/favoured.

Simple right?

This idea... stopped working as soon as I introduced physical actions (sit, stand, jump, etc...), directional actions (the story might be linear but it still has multiple rooms), but most importantly as soon as I wrote flavour texts for one same object. Even if I could get away with removing X/LOOK/EXAMINE*, adding verbs at the end was a necessity (I didn't want to see all the already written variation go to waste...). *I did include look in the code, but mistakenly didn't think about its synonym <- shows the no-knowledge of parser, and not having a bank of commands built-in.

So verbs were added, and then some of its synonyms (but evidently not the most important ones 😬), and then some prepositions just in case, and noun synonyms with adjectives because of how it is described in the text, and then.... so on and so forth. And because of how SugarCube is set, I ended up with lines like this at the end:

<<if ["initiate", "look initiate", "look at initiate", "remember initiate", "initiates", "look initiates", "look at initiates", "remember initiates", "recall initiate", "recall initiates"].contains(_cmd)>>

(and this is not even a correct or complete command list, since it is missing EXAMINE and X)

Et rebelotte for all the interactive words on the page, as well as the added variations requiring another set other verbs. There's not really a verb/noun aliases list to help...

BUT WAIT

Because I always like to make it difficult for myself and not think of the amount of work my ideas/plan will require, I had to make some bits of text appear only once (even if some commands could be used more than once on that page) OR removing the player's ability to make a different action when they do a specific one AND have some bits of text only appear after a command has been used on that page. Pushing the player through extra invisible gates on top of the different rooms. I could have made it easier on myself to break scenes further than I had already done, but nooooooo

And I did this not just once. BUT THREE TIME! When the player is called to get in line, in the corridor, and just before the big doors.

I could have fed myself for a whole week with the spaghetti that came out of my code.

But Manon, I can hear the little devil on my shoulder say, Why all the whining and excuses? You could have stopped if it turned out to be a bad idea, especially if you couldn't implement it properly. Why not have made the story in something else than a parser?

Well...

because Time (wa)s running out and I wasn't going to let all this hard work go to waste by changing everything up at the last minute (it could have worked/been easier, that's true)

because it was still a fun puzzle to solve, even if frustrating most of the time,

because you learn more when you fail than when you win

I'm not a quitter :P (hiding my too many WIPs waiting for me....)

Even if I doubted myself with finishing the game on time, I still pushed myself to cross the finish line, since I knew I would not have finished the project otherwise. Thought it could have been fun to get the 12 angry men passing judgement on my Twine monstrosity making a mockery of parsers had I submitted it to the very serious ParserComp instead. /jk lovingly

So after some "extensive" testing (rushed in the last week, because I am a nightmare to people, sorry @groggydog and @lapinlunairegames for making you go through this, but also thank you for your help!!), I made it to the end!

Well... barely. Ended up with a few bug fixes update along the way.

4- The Reception

(it was like that in my heart)

Like TTTT, this was not explosion of praise and accolades. And I fully expected it. You can't make experiments omelettes without cracking a few programs/rules eggs. At least my omelette didn't have too many eggshells :P

Looking at the numbers, at the time of writing this posts, TRNT is currently sitting at 5 stars (4 ratings) on itch, and 3-1/2 stars on IFDB (2 ratings)*, with 4 reviews on the Forum (bellow the median/average this festival). None of the ratings game with reviews/comments. *When some of the reviews will be moved to the IFDB, I do expect this average to get lower. The itch one is nice (really happy 4 peeps loved it!), but most people only rate when they didn't like it or when they loved it.

As for the feedbacks gotten, they came from a few sources: the people who playtested TRNT, dms on Tumblr and the Forum, the Twine server, and the awaited reviews on the Forum.

Overall, the people who liked the game really enjoyed themselves, from the writing and the worldbuilding being intriguing, or how pretty the UI was. Even with the issues raised during the festival, quite a lot of people (who sent me comments) thought the experiment was either a success, something really cool, or impressive considering the limitations (of the festival and/or of the program). Even in the more critical comments, this experiment was seen as an interesting one to be commended (with a bit of a why did you bother... sprinkled in there). Someone told me TRNT reminded them of the Divergent series (and fair comparison, considering the whole ritual to put you in one job for the rest of your life).

The most surprising thing was that people who never played parser before (or didn't really liked them) found the game entertaining and fun to go through, managing to get to the end without too many issues; while the reviewers with more experience in the genre had a bit more restraints due to the command system I put in place.

Whether my giddiness about verbose writing was to the liking of the player or not, I was honestly happy comments about my grammar didn't make much of an appearance this time around (yay, progress!), and that I would get kudos for the vague story behind the experiment itself, and the structure of the story itself.

But this doesn't mean that it was all sunshine and rainbow here. TRNT had some obvious issues, which should have been squashed during the testing phase had this one been longer (yet again, me speed-running through comps when I should take my time... when will I learn...). There were two main ones: the commands and the UI.

The biggest issue came from the commands, being either unclear or confusing, especially when it came to the cardinal direction, the choice of synonym for the actions, or special actions like the name input. Even if you could go along the story with just a noun or press C until you reached the end, missing important verb commands did not help the game feel complete (EXAMINE/GET/the shortcuts). This is where having some Parser knowledge/experience would have come handy, he.... As for the cardinal directions, it was probably most confusing because I used them as synonyms for forward/back/left/right instead of N/S/W/E (that and it wasn't clear where you were able to go in the text either). Quite a few players were also getting stuck in the corridor (after you come to a stop, you hear some thing up front and your choices are to move to the side/jump or stand still). Special actions like the name input or the final choice were felt a bit off/broke immersion. Party due to the way SugarCube is, partly due to how I organised the game. Having a simple input where the player is asked for their name before the game start and have a say name command, might have worked better there. That and a better hinting system. Fix for those TBD.

Closely followed was the UI being annoying (which ;-; bc I pride myself on creating good UI, but it was fair critique), from the scrolling being an absolute ass, to the confusing bolding of the start of passages being the same as the interactive words (if you didn't change the colour in the settings), to the back/replay last choice command on the END screen not going to the right spot, or the responses of computing an inputted command not appearing/being confusing (in relation to the scrolling), some quirks with the UI being wonky for some screen sizes, etc... Thankfully, all those have been fixed.... but too late for the reviews already published. A quick revamp of the UI base + solving the scrolling issue + slight reformatting of the printed new text bits solved if not all of those issues. Still... too little too late... That's what you get for making a UI in a large screen and only checking different width but not different heights....

A SIDENOTE ON WHY PARSER AND NOT HYPERTEXT

Or me going a bit on a rant. Scroll down to pt 5- The Do-Over to resume coherent levelled conversation.

Still, making a parser a Twine was a CHOICETM, which didn't work for everybody. I don't know if it was because the game was put forth as a Twine game before being a parser, or because the story was maybe a bit too linear/not very interactive compared to other parsers, or because I set out to make a parser before thinking of a story and it showed for some, (or probably because the parser system was not very well implemented) but I did have a few commenters wondering if my choice of making it a parser was the correct one, as in why would you use parser when hyperlinks would have probably worked better?

Maybe a cop-out answer would be Why not. Why not try to break the rules and the codes of what is a Twine game or what is a parser? Why not push Twine to where it is probably not supposed to go (sorry, TME)? Why not blur the lines of the divides between the subgenres of IF? I wrote some part while having a bit of a fever, and my notes had Why not make parsers less puzzle-y/more linear choice-based like? and oh boi is it good to re-read yourself... Cause yiekes what a load of BS.

The other part of the answer is Because experimenting and doing weird thing is fun! Doing weird thing, writing bad code that should probably not work but it does, putting the program on a lifeline, making up stories that are nonsensical, etc... and breaking people's mind in the process with what could be done. Also it was just fun to find out whether it was just possible to do it at all. The rush of happiness when you the puzzle is solved is so incredibly gratifying. It was really fun to try something different (for me but also for what Twine can generally do), to solve a puzzle of mashing two things that don't/shouldn't go together, to find what makes them tick and make it all work, and to challenge myself to do something new (did I mention before it was my fist time making a parser?). AND, having fun creating! And the SpringThing has always been a beacon to promote experimentation with the genre and more out there stuff. So it's was kind of like the stars aligned or something :P

Also Because it was possible!That one is pretty self-explanatory...

Maybe a bit more presumptuous of me: Because experimenting keeps Interactive Fiction fresh and exciting! I'm not trying to set a trend or anything here (honestly, it's not too strange, TRNT's weirdness kind of follows my previous work with TTTT and its mixology element, or DOL-OS with it computer interphase), but isn't fun to see what else can be done in IF, or what new area can be explored now that funky stuff has been tried, or what else should probably not be done (hopefully this doesn't apply to TRNT lol, I think it should be fun to have more parser in Twine). Even if my entry was not really a novel idea even in the gameplay (exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C), I still think there should be more weird stuff out there, so I contribute to that where/when I can! It'd be sad if IF became same-y and stale... It'd be fun if someone did something like this because they played TRNT and thought it was neat :P

And Because it didn't fit with my original vision of the game. Even if the game changed quite a lot along the way, the parser element was something I would not compromise with, no matter how good or bad the final product was. Sorry TME for the kittens lost in the autofocus of the textboxes...

I did wonder for a while how many people opened the settings at all 🤔

5- The Do-Over?

Ha.

Haha.

Hahaha.

No.

Honestly... If I was going back to the start, I don't think I would change anything. Even if the length of the testing was more than minimal (still haven't learned my lesson), even if I rushed into the competition (again, not learned my lesson), even if I made errors along the way (well, maybe fixing the UI earlier instead) or let the story stray that much away from the original idea (honestly it was probably for the best that it ended not being too close to Aisle at the end, I might have gotten eviscerated in the reviews). It did what it was supposed to do, and checked all the boxes from what I wanted to try. At the end, to me, it was a complete (and stressful success).

Will there be some changes in the future?

Just a bit, at some point, TBD and TBA. Just to fix the commands a bit, maybe rearrange some passages, add a bit more variation/hidden codex entries, maybe even a new ending or two! But it wouldn't go further than that. TRNT was an experiment through and throuh.

==================== THE END ====================

Anyway, my weird hybrid beast of a parser in Twine and I are done rambling about my awesome show of tricks that may or may not have landed badly and with a broken skateboard. We will go collect our ribbons, now!

Make IF weird, Do word crimes, Have fun

I do wonder if me submitting the game in the Main Garden rather than at the Back Garden played into the expectations of the reviewers, since the BG is meant for more experimental IF. But in the same vein, there was the Kuolema running on a Google Form and people flocked to it so 🤷 It's probably the quality that made things the way it is whooooops :P

[rivangel]

my personal ranking of Clancy by tøp :D (w/ my fav lyrics)

13 Lavish

during the livestream, to explain the song i think tyler said smth along the lines of he wrote it for the sake of writing outside their known genre, which is something tøp does every now and then. (they will not stay in their lane, boy)

it’s good. it’s a bop, nicely tongue in cheek, and i can see it as a commentary on celebrity culture, but overall there are songs that do this style better, and i don’t listen to tøp for it.

12 The Craving (Jenna’s version)

don’t get me wrong, i love this song so much but i love them ALL. i have to be in the right mood to listen to smth slow, let alone a slow acoustic love ballad.

the single version of The Craving is different but im going w/ what made it to the album.

11 Paladin Strait

again i have to say that slow songs aren't my preference (shrug) but i also can't overstate how much i love the sound of it, especially the bridge. it's gorgeouss.

tøp is known for these climactic emotional songs to end their albums and this is definitely no exception. right below Leave the City for me.

10 At the Risk of Feeling Dumb

i found out there is such a thing as too relatable when i listened to this song for the first time. it’s not a bad thing exactly? but i kind of need to be in the right mood💀?? if this weren’t the case it would be much higher.

9 Oldies Station

nostalgia and the passage of time is a major thing in contending with lately and this is a good comfort. feels good.

the entire bridge sorry

8 Snap Back

i adore this song but i can’t put it any higher🧍🏻it reminds me of a water level. a genuine vibe with depressing implications: classic tøp.

anyway, a lovely swan song and errr that’s all. (i relate to it too much)

7 Navigating

the chorus. (IMNAVIGATING IMNAVIGATING MY HEAD) is need it playing in my head on repeat like a radio when i’ve died. it’s soo damn good. otherwise not a lot to come back to compared to the others.

6 Vignette

the occasional bird crying out adds to the charm of this song (flesh…coveredinbites) (WHERE DO I GO FROM HEREEeeEEE).

such a vibe. similar to what i say about Midwest Indigo later.

5 Next Semester

when this dropped as a single, i was almost as obsessed with it as i was Overcompensate. also HONESTLY i REALLY NEED TO FIND THE HIDDEN CAMERA TYLER USED TO SPY WHIKE HE WROTE THIS SONG cuz!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭this really hits home for me like no other song has ever (aside from some songs from mcr but yk).

oh and the uke at the end. it sounds good.

4 Midwest Indigo

‘did you. pull up. yet - NOTYET!’

‘what’s ur eta- TWOMINUTES!’

the HOOK on this song is crazy. i’m not sure about the terms exactly but the way tyler drags out certain words at the end of verses and the spoken word parts are addictive and just fun to listen to?

and i love what this song is about. even when i don’t relate to it tyler’s songwriting makes that cease to matter lol

3 Overcompensate

this is the first single that released and listening to it for the first time has become a core memory cuz my obsession interest in the band really receded when SAI released but I WAS DRIVEN INSANE WITH THIS SONG I NEED IT FLOWING THROUGH MY BLOODSTREAM.

2 Backslide

now This is the One (barring #1). when it released as a single, i spent a 3 hours drive just listening to this. it's also been particularly relevant in my life right now so it's not only a banger but an enormous comfort honestly lol

1 Routines in the Night

it was close but

BANGERBVANGERBANGERBANGERBAMGER!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW UGHHHHHHHH IT'S SOOOO GOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD (my most intelligent review). i need the chorus directly injected into my brain and it would fix me i believe.

deeply relatable for someone with insomnia, deeply beautiful. hell even the music video is a captivating piece of art.

(walk the layout :))

[hotdadlicense]

hmmm top 5 shows, top 5 animals aaaaand top 5 scenes from any show/movie

loren please..... i lve you.

top five SHOWS.

the walking dead - ................. like it has to be said. i'm so sorry. it didn't even really go 'bad' for me like it did lose me for a hot minute or two there originally but like. when i rewatched i was like no actually i love it here. i love this hot mess. and i tragically fucking do. could really do with bringing certain characters back etc or just dissappearing some storylines but like. i do fucking love it.

breaking bad - i didnt even KNOW what i was in for i was just like this'll be fine this'll be chill. and then my life changed forever y'know.

it's always sunny in philadelphia - my go-to show to have on in the background, to have on when im sick, to have on when i need a laugh, to have on when im feeling miserable, to have on when i just wanna feel like Myself. can probably quote like. every episode by this point.

black sails - literally don't even need to explain this one. bs is already tumblr critically acclaimed. if i could go back in time and watch the season two last two episodes for the first time all over again, i would in a heartbeat. the girl that existed in my bedroom when watching those eps? never seen her before and i'll never be her again.

911 - listen. it TRULY is tv show of all time. u KNOW this i know you know this. u can't put eddie diaz in a tv show and not have it change the lives of millions.

top fIVE animals.

SHARKS. sharks sharks sharks sharks sharks all types all kinds theyre all my children

foxes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please the fennec fox my BABY

long maned wolf.

dogs!

snakes. also HOW is your snake btw i miss them

top 5 scenes!

lets revisit black sails again and say season two finale as a whole? but also the 'in the light there is discovery' forest speech in the series finale............................i get chills like every time. WAIT ALSO 'my name is John Silver. and i've got a Long Fucking Memory.' INSANE acting also idk if this is really technically 'top five scenes' worthy but uknow that line where flints like 'where else would you wake up in the morning and matter?' @ silver??? yeah it ingrained itself into my brain and now whenever my brains having a bad day and being a bitch, it just repeats that line over and over to myself. again i dont know if that makes it a top five thing but boy oh bOY it sure made an impact !

iasip mac finds his pride when mac does the dance and franks crying and is like 'i get it. i get it now.' maybe its cos i feel like there is just a 00.01% chance of my parents ever accepting me and im projecting or whatever but that scene? every fucking time im like........ crying lol

my brain is one big jumble for the walking dead and i just can't pin down one scene? so i'm just gonna take a cop out and say that part where daryl and merle are in the woods huntin when they split off in s3 or whatever after they reunite and daryls got his crossbow simply becos i still remember watching it with my mum and her being like 'oh look at daryls Arms. he's really got Muscles.' and i was like. scandalised. in a Good way. and now everytime i see him in that scene i'm like justin beiber tweet i love Arm.

that scene in breaking bad where jesses in hospital after hank beats the shit outta him in the rv and walt visits him in hospital and jesse has that breakdown in 3.07? jesse pinkman crying in a hospital bed bruised and beaten saying 'i am not turning down the money, i am turning down you.' when he's yelling 'i have NOTHING. NO ONE.' ??????????????? scene of all scenes. wait also the peek-a-boo kid scene in s2

stuggling to think of a last one uh maybe in the seventh fast and furious movie when see you again plays at the end and they're all on the beach and then dom and brian are racing except you know its not paul walker and u know its CGI or whatever and ???? i still cry over that sorry

[i-am-beckyu]

ASK GAME ASK GAME ASK GAME AHH !!!

🥺 (is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?)

🤡 (what's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?)

✨ (give you and your writing a compliment. go on now. you know you deserve it. 😉)

🎶 (do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?)

💖 (what made you start writing?)

🦅 (do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?)

💞 (who's your comfort character?)

🤩 (who is your favorite character to write?)

🤲 (would you please share a snippet of a wip?)

🎉 (what leads you to consider a fic a success?)

SORRY FOR A LOT I AM VERY EXCITED YOU'RE DOING AN ASK GAME :DDD and besides, at least i didn't give you ALL OF THEM like SOME PEOPLE DO /lh/lh/lh

I always forget ask games exist lol.

🥺 (is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?)

Answered but I'll say again, writing romance fics always leaves me wanting a relationship lol

🤡 (what's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?)

oh sheesh um. Probably the pizza scene in Jornos Chapter 2. I had fun writing that one and thinking of different ways to write pizza lol.

✨ (give you and your writing a compliment. go on now. you know you deserve it. 😉)

lol I think I'm a good writer who has worked out how to write fluff with a good balance of angst.

🎶 (do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?)

Oh man like all the time!!!!!!!!!!! I'll switch between playlists which have been Serenity split, Four winds and my driving playlist atm but I've been playing Notos and Carnivore on repeat sooooo much in the last week lol. My music taste varies all the time.

💖 (what made you start writing?)

Initially, school. Creative writing time was always the best and I'd just smash out a 7-9 page story for school with no ending (this has not changed ever lol) But I didn't write like any proper stories for like a solid 5 years till I found the mcyt gt community and my inspiration and love of it just came back. So now I just write for fun

🦅 (do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?)

Brain has a rough outline but I never write it down lol. Sometimes its on the fly tho lol.

💞 (who's your comfort character?)

Crime boys obviously lol

🤩 (who is your favorite character to write?)

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

🤲 (would you please share a snippet of a wip?)

oh my! Where oh where could this be from???

🎉 (what leads you to consider a fic a success?)

When I've given it to my two proof readers and they react at the things in the story the way I had intended. Sometimes one of my proof readers will narrate the story to me so I get to listen to it like an audio book lol.

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ASKS BRICK!!! I NEED TO REMEMBER TO DO THESE MORE I SWEAR!!! And I mean you could have spammed me. I wouldn't have been mad lol

[akwardlyuncool]

Sitting To Know Your Collection April Roundup

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Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 14 (April 1st - 7th)

Album: Ceilings by (2008) Alive In Wild Paint Play Count: 2 Top 2 Tracks: - Everywhere An Ocean (Track 9) - Ceilings (Track 1)

I got this cd randomly with a different Equal Vision purchase I had made years ago and never got around to listening to it, so this week was truly something new to me. Not gonna lie, based on the cover art and it being from ‘08, I thought I might be getting metal or post hardcore. Now it might give a little post, but all I could really think was long winded emo. I would look up and realize a song was still going and the runtime would have been like 4 minutes lol. That’s probably not that long, but when the songs are already so “soft,” things just dragged a little. (There are 5 and 6 minute songs on there, so I’m not totally off.) It got better the more I listened so to be fair it probably just needed more than 2 run-throughs. This is a mood record for sure, so maybe down the line when I’m in the mood for something Emo/hardcore without the screams, I’ll revisit it. (I’m sorry and I don’t hate it, it just gives black skinny jeans without the screams lol.)

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Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 15 (April 8 - April 14)

Album: The Upsides Deluxe Edition by (2010) The Wonder Years Play Count: 4 Top 2 Tracks: - I Was Scared and I’m Sorry (Track 13) - Hey Thanks (Track 10)

Part of me feels like I had more than 4 runs of this album, but that’s what the notes said, so I’m going with that. Honestly I was just geeked to get The Wonder Years, so of course they were gonna get a high play count. At my big age of 32, a simple pleasure of mine is singing, or screaming if no one’s home, pop-punk in my bedroom. I also needed more time with this album anyway. A lot of the songs I’m more versed in their Burst & Decay versions, than I am the original so I have to relearn some flows when I play the OG’s, but I get there in the end.

The opening track (My Last Semester) is a little funny to me only because I look at the band and think of course they wouldn't fit in with these gross, misogynistic frat boys. Hey Thanks is a new favorite, but the staple still hit just as hard.

Any week that reps The Wonder Years is a good week.

______________________________________________________________

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 16 (April 15th - April 21st)

Album: The Shadow Side (2016) by Andy Black (Andy Biersack) Play Count: 3 Top 2 Tracks: - We Don’t Have To Dance (Track 2) - Break Your Halo (Track 10)

This is my favorite of Andy’s solo releases and I played it a lot when it first came out. Upon the current binge session though, the conclusion is that it was fine. There were definitely songs that my brain had and still has on repeat but overall it wasn’t as poppin as I thought it would get. Maybe I just didn’t have as strong of attachment to the album as I used to. That’s not me saying I don’t like the album, just that it didn’t hit as hard this go around. Still good though.

PS: Again with another save from library trash.

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Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 17 (April 22nd - April 28th)

Album: [A ---> B] Life (2002) by mewithoutYou Play Count: 4 Top 2 Tracks: - Gentlemen (Track 6) - Silencer (Track 11)

Not gonna lie this one was hard to consume as in the comprehension took me a minute. I got 4 runs and still felt like I needed more time. That being said I’m glad I took a chance on this album/band. I've heard of mewithoutYou before but I never really listened, so when my boss was getting rid of some CDs I said okay. I’m also a Tooth & Nail fan which definitely played a part in that pick up. If you’re unfamiliar though, note that they are on the heavier side of the label. I don’t dislike heavy music, I just didn’t realize how much was featured on the label. I did find some standout tracks, however my ultimate favorite part of the album was (SPOILER) the bonus hidden track. Those will always be my favorite part of any CD, simply because I love the surprise of finding it after I realize that the album isn’t in fact over. CHEFS KISS!

______________________________________________________________

Sitting To Know Your Collection: Week 18 (April 29th - May 5th)

Album: Bry (2016) by Bry Play Count: 5 Top 2 Tracks: - Your Life Over Mine (Track 5) - Pieces (Track 10)

Listening to this album again gave me similar feelings to when I first bought it. I was hella attached to the original versions of many of these songs because I had been following Bry (The artist) on YouTube for so long and the full album was just a little bit of a let down. This album is so overproduced and I could tell immediately. I don’t know, I could just hear the differences and even though I got 5 runs in, I wanted to go pull up the OGs the entire time. The album isn’t bad, still very much listenable, but knowing the history of where these songs came from and even the “lore” of the bad contract Bry got into with this record, just doesn’t make it hit like I want it to.

PS: I encourage a listen of the original works, just for comparison.

.

.

April was a little more Emo, a little more heavy, but nothing terrible. Good month.

Note: Trying a different set up for April let's see how I like it.

[townhulls]

that SPN s1 visual motif with the ominous, ambiguous silhouette of a demonic intruder in the dark makes me craaaazy. i just heard recently for the first time that the figure in the nursery when they filmed the pilot was indeed played by JDM?! insane. weirdly validating.

so we've got the pilot, the callback you mentioned when John shows up in Shadow (heh), the whole trauma literally replaying itself in Salvation (and then figuratively in Devil's Trap when John and the YED are actually in the same body, reinflicting Mary and Jess's wounds on Dean and doubling down on recruiting Sam)...

but i swear there are subtler instances too - we first see John in Dead Man's Blood as an indistinct prowler in the dark, stalking the brothers from the woods outside the cabin! later in the same ep we end up watching him as a literal shadowy intruder in the vampire couple's bedroom. maybe a reach but i also see an echo of it in the s3 finale, in that shot of Sam's silhouette through the bed curtains, standing in the nursery of a demon-touched child with a knife in his hand. and then of course there's the "vampire Dean watching Lisa sleep" shot in 6x05...

idk it just makes me feel shrimp emotions that s1 was *so deliberate*, right from the opening sequence of the very first episode, about visually conflating John and the demon he's devoted his entire family's lives to hunting. the insinuation that maybe *the* demon that ruined their lives was never entirely distinct from *John's demons*. and then the show sustains that right up through the season finale! it's crazymaking. it verges on some Twin Peaks shit. it opens up cosmic-brain gothic horror readings of s1 and every season sexy enough to revisit those themes. and it's an implication that lives entirely in a single, wordless, repeated visual.

(this is shinelikethunder on main, lol, continuing to be Extremely Normal About It)

aaa sorry this took me so long to respond to! i was trying to organize my thoughts lol. i agree so completely! one of the things i really like too about the pilot is that dean’s introduction in sam’s apartment sort of indirectly mirrors that shadowy silhouette image too — dean’s both an incarnation and a victim of john, where sam is both an incarnation and a victim of azazel. s1 does such a good job of blurring the lines between what has been inflicted on the family and what the family has inflicted upon itself, like you said!!

and the fact that all of it plays out through a visual motif is so interesting, too — this idea of internally perpetuated cycles of violence is unspoken by the winchesters, so it remains unspoken but visually available to the viewer as well. one of my favorite facets of supernatural is its own unreliability. i’m not sure how much of it is intentional on kripke’s part, but the show is itself something of an unreliable narrator. it does a lot of saying one thing and then showing the inverse: very simply distilled into that one post that’s like “supernatural looking directly into the camera: this is a father” re: john's appearance in shadow.

the boys can never come to terms with john’s (or their own) hand in their neverending trauma, because doing that would be to admit that revenge is only a half-baked attempt at an answer, and that azazel is more of a scapegoat than a true, intentional villain. so they will never admit it to themselves, but everyone close to them is given all the visual clues they need to piece together how circular this family's violence is.

idk!!! i love readings of spn that center on how cosmic forces are constantly recreating and reenacting the winchesters’ family drama not in order to torture them but because the winchesters cannot stop reenacting their own trauma, and the cosmic forces are more of an allegory than anything. something something they woke up and it was all a dream induced by one of sam’s therapy sessions. to me.

[yostresswritinggirl]

@butterfly-mochi​ Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

[etherrreal]

“sweet on you”

Pairing: osamu x gn!reader Genre: fluff WC: 1,168 Summary: you’re on a mission to confess to osamu and you’re hoping that he’ll get the hint with some tasty homemade desserts Warning: there are like 2 puns that are the worst, im so sorry. A/N: sooo, this came out longer than intended lol hope you don’t mind that I can’t write a drabble! but this idea just inspired me to much that I couldn’t help myself! -Luna

Mission "Confess-to-Osamu" began the day after the Inarizaki volleyball team won an intense game, the final set ending in a 32-30 win.

You had to stay up all night to do it, but you managed to make and decorate a dozen cookies shaped like volleyballs and one special cookie that resembled his jersey, the number 11 written carefully in chocolate-flavored icing. You wrapped them up in a cellophane bag, complete with a black ribbon tied into a neat bow.

You arrived at homeroom as early as possible, wanting to place the cookies on his desk and sit down to calm your nervous heart. From the back of the room, you watched as he strolled in 20 minutes later, sending you a wave and a tired smile. He dumped his bag on the floor before picking up the note you tucked under the bag of cookies that read:

'congratulations on your win! you played an amazing game, wish I could've celebrated with you :)'

His eyebrows scrunched as he racked his brain to try to figure out whose handwriting it could be. He shrugged when nothing came to mind, figuring it was just another gift from one of those fangirls who frequented his team’s volleyball matches. At the very least, it gave him something to rub in Atsumu’s face later.

He sat down, munching on one of the volleyball-shaped cookies, which he found delicious enough to eat two more of. You slapped your forehead, more annoyed at yourself rather than Osamu.

Okay, time to try something else.

You made a single-serve raspberry tart this time after you heard Osamu mention to his friends one day that he had a strong craving for one. Again, you arrived early to school, placing the note face down under the treat and spoon so none of your nosy classmates could read it as they walked by.

This time, you made sure to sign your initials at the end of the note, figuring that was the reason why it didn't click for him last time. However, knowing that he would immediately figure out that it was you had your palms sweaty and knees weak.

Osamu walked into homeroom, barely awake, but when he saw the dessert on his desk, his eyes shot open, face lighting up with interest. He looked up to greet you, but you were busy staring blankly at your textbook. The cookies from last time had been devoured before he even left school, though he did save the jersey cookie because he appreciated the effort put into it.

He lifted the tart to grab the note that was stuck underneath. It read:

'hope you liked the cookies from last time! I made a raspberry tart because you're just so sweet ♥'

When you peeked over to look at him, you noticed that there was confusion written all over his face, not knowing what the hell the letters at the bottom stood for. You heard him repeating word combinations that began with your initials to try to figure it out.

Your forehead hit the desk, baffled by how a man could be so cute but so stupid.

This was going to be it. You would place the slice of apple pie on his desk, he would read the note–with your whole name on it this time–and he would finally understand how much you liked him.

So, you went through the same process as before, setting it neatly on his desk with a folded note underneath.  There was no way that he could misconstrue anything this time.

Osamu was suspicious when he saw the sweet treat on his desk that morning. He reached for the note first, like always, to examine it.

'I hope you're not occu-pied this weekend ; want to go on a date with me?'

He knew that you would never be so blatant with your confession, not with your shy nature. Not when all it took was a simple wave from him to make you blush and look away. You'd most likely approach him in a less public setting to ask him out, or text him privately.

Which is why he assumed that this entire thing was just his brother pranking him with some store-bought pie. ‘Tsumu had teased him recently when he’d gushed about how cute you were before. He didn't put it past his brother to mess with him just because he kicked his ass in practice yesterday.

He sat down at his desk with a loud 'humph,' angrily digging into his pie that tasted just as good as the rest of his desserts he had received before.

Meanwhile, you were so frustrated that you swore you felt your soul leave your body.

You'd had enough. The stress of leaving Osamu desserts and waiting for him to figure out how much you liked him was too much. You were just going to have to be blunt and in his face with your confession.

Storming into class with a packaged cupcake in hand, you stopped right in front of his desk. He was taken aback by your sudden appearance.

"Oh, hey, (Y/N)," he greeted. "That's a good lookin' cupcake ya got there. Who's it for?"

You froze. You knew your newfound confidence could only last so long. Actually standing in front of his desk and looking into his eyes was very different from staring at yourself in the mirror as you rehearsed your lines.

Osamu watched as your mouth flapped open and closed, thinking about how you resembled a goldfish at that moment. Suddenly, you shoved the cupcake towards him, looking away shyly.

He barely heard you squeak out the words, "I like you."

He had never felt more stupid than he did in that moment. It finally dawned on him that it had been you the whole time, leaving him the edible gifts and little notes. It actually was your attempt at asking him out.

Osamu gently took the plastic container out of your hands, fingers brushing against yours. "I can't believe it was actually you. Thought it was my stupid brother prankin' me."

You failed to make eye contact with him despite chuckling at his assumption, instead toying with the buttons of your blazer.

They’re so adorable. He had to put you out of your misery. "Do ya still wanna go on that date with me? It's the least I can do for all the trouble I caused. Maybe I can cook for you this time?"

You nodded in response, feeling like you were going to combust at any moment.

"Great! We can walk home together, and I'll whip ya up something good to eat."

"Sounds good," you said once you found your voice. 

Your cheeks were no doubt on fire as you sat at your desk. You assumed that at any moment, you'd be waking up from this wonderful dream. There was no way you could predict that he'd reciprocate your feelings but now that you knew, you didn't think you'd ever stop smiling.

Written by: Luna

[writingssummit]

Hii, I love your writing! Can I pretty please request the prompt "quick, kiss me!" With Tsukishima. (Scenario preferably but anything is fine)

I'm fine with pretty much anything but I was thinking something along the lines of reader wants to make their crush jealous by kissing Tsukishima but Tsukishima likes reader and reader used to like Tsukishima but thought he didn't like them so they moved on, but when they kiss they both realize their true feelings.

I really hope that's not confusing. Even if you change it up though I don't mind I just like the prompt idea a lot.

a/n: hey there ! thank you so much, and of course! i haven’t written for him on here as of yet, but i do have a good enough idea of his general vibes lol. this is totally a good prompt, i love these kinds of things. gonna have some fun with this one. i set it in high school, sorry if that’s not what you were looking for ! here you go :D

word count: 1.4k

- TSUKISHIMA KEI -

to say that you were over tsukishima would not be a total lie. you knew from the get-go it wouldn’t happen, and even though you held on to whatever hope you had left, eventually, it was just time to give up. he just wasn’t interested in anyone like that, let alone you.

it hurt of course, but slowly, you were able to shove the feelings away for good. they wouldn’t bother your friendship anymore. you wouldn’t think of the way he was growing into a better middle blocker, his stupidly handsome glasses, and his weird hair that you always wanted to touch, but never had the courage to ask.

it was when a new person came around, that you had those feelings again, just not for him. every time you were near them, your heart fluttered, and you felt your chest tighten. it wasn’t the same, your heart cried, but you ignored it.

you met them at one of karasuno’s practice matches. being friends with tsukishima and somewhat friends with yamaguchi, you often spectated whenever you could, just to support them. there was another spectator there as well, apparently from the opposing school. you both were near each other due to the spacing in the gym, and you guys had immediately hit it off.

by the end of it, you had exchanged numbers right before they left to go back with their team. you gave them a small wave and a smile, feeling a little giddy about it. was this it? you moving on for real? you liked this feeling.

“your face looks annoyingly stupid right now.” tsukishima had appeared by you, towel around his neck. you laughed nervously.

“y-you think it’s stupid?” you already knew his answer, but you were hoping it’d be different this time. just once. you didn’t happen to notice something flash in his eyes before he closed them. he pushed his glasses up his nose..

and then he walked away.

your mouth dropped, and you scrambled after him. “tsukishima, just you wait a damn minute-”

as was your guy’s relationship. you stayed by his side (but not glued, that was yamaguchi’s thing), supported him, and he deflected and denied caring through meaningless jabs and insults. it was just tsukishima, after all, he just cared in his own way, you guessed. maybe.

your phone buzzed, and you looked down at your notifications. it was the person from the other school! your smile returned full throttle, and you immediately texted back.

you and the other student began to make a habit of texting and calling regularly, you enjoyed talking with them, and they made you feel something warm in your heart again.

soon enough, you knew you had a crush on them. maybe not a crush crush, but something inside of you did.

the joy you felt when the same team had requested a practice with karasuno was probably more than you should have felt, but this was exciting for you. the last practice had gone so well, that they decided to have another one. they’d texted you and told you that they’d be coming this time too.

you hummed to yourself, reading back on your texts, a new hobby of yours. they were really funny, so there were some good moments to read again. you were so absorbed in re-reading them, that you hadn’t noticed they had arrived already. your head shot up as they walked into the gym,

everyone was serious this time around. from the last time they played against each other, they had come up with a few counter-measures to their plays. At least, that’s what yamaguchi had told you. your friend gave you a small wave, heading over to where you were standing.

“hey again!” you chirped. they matched your enthusiasm, winking at you.

“hey hey, y/n!”

you guys were having friendly conversation, perhaps too friendly conversation. at least, that’s what was going through tsukishima’s brain. you were around him, but never really present. you’d stopped looking at him like that, it was directed towards the other person now. he didn’t realize or want to admit that he liked it, that he wanted that look reserved for himself. it was getting too late anyways, and his pride was not going to help. so he just watched as you fell into the other’s snares.

a few sets went by (they were just going at it, set after set until practice was done for the day), and you were wrapped up in your crush to pay any actual attention to the plays. this didn’t go unnoticed by a certain middle blocker.

the ball slammed past his hands, and onto their side of the court; nishinoya attempted to make a dig, but it was too fast for him. he was totally sure that the tall blonde could have gotten that. said tall blonde cursed under his breath, flexing his fingers one by one. he shouldn’t be getting so distracted by you.

“don’t mind, don’t mind!” hinata called out to him, and he glared over his shoulder at the shorter boy. “yikes!” he took a step back, bristling.

another game came and went, and you were confused. You couldn’t even tell if you had a chance with them, they liked you just fine, you knew that, but they always looked off at the court at one particular person; yachi.

you deflated a little. you knew she was cute, and lots of people thought she was. but you had hoped that maybe you would be the one they stared at. you didn’t want these feelings to be a repeat of last time, you wanted to take action for once. but how do you move things along? how does one even do that?

which is when an incredibly stupid idea came into your head. it was the dumbest idea ever, but it might work. it’s worked for other people, so it could work. but you didn’t know who to ask. You furrowed your brows, trying to think.

you ended up deciding not soon after, your brain was waving red flags but you ignored it. everyone was still packing up, so there was time to do this!

this might be for the wrong reasons, but they were right in your mind. you walked over to tsukishima with an intense look on your face, that even made him weary. he looked down at you with his signature blank face, maybe even a scowl.

“what are you st-”

your crush was about to walk past you both, now was the chance. you grabbed onto his arm.

“quick, kiss me.”

he was taken aback, his jaw clenched. “wh-”

“oh my god, just do it.” you grabbed hold of his shirt, and without even a blink, he leaned down to kiss you.

and it was everything you had expected. his lips were soft, and his hand was cold against the back of your neck. it was electric, it was..it was everything and more. and by the time he pulled away to stare down at you, you realized that you were just as confused as ever.

you enjoyed it. a lot. you thought that the feelings were buried away in their grave, but they had resurfaced just like that, as if you hadn’t tried so hard to forget them. was your friend just..just a rebound for tsukishima? your face lights on fire, and you let go of him right away. he looks at you intensely, and you gulp.

and of course, everyone had seen, because you guys were in the gym during clean up.

“oi, didn’t know you had a s/o, tsukishima!” tanaka slapped him on the back, which made him wince. “you gotta tell your senpai about these things, you know!”

“they’re no-”

you wave your hands around, shaking your head, but it was too late to take whatever that was back. your friend turned crush turned..who knows what raised their eyebrows in surprise.

“i didn’t realize you had a boyfriend! we should go on a double date sometime, my girlfriend wanted to meet you, and double dates are super fun!” you cough into your fist, still red. So they did have a s/o.

“well, he’s not my..boyfriend.” everyone tilted their head at that.

“then let me be it now.” your eyes widened in surprise, and you turned your head to look back at tsukishima. he wasn’t looking at you, and you knew that he would later reprimand you for kissing him out of nowhere and then making him confess in front of his teammates. your heart felt right. this was right, so how could you even say no? he liked you like you liked him. even if it took awhile to get here.

and tsukishima would make sure he was clear on those feelings once you were alone.

“yeah. yeah, okay.”

[scarawayfromfallingapart]

but The (After)life of the Party is one of THOSE songs to me that’s like… to be cliche… a kick drum beating in my chest (again) like idk. This is one of those songs where I think they succeeded in writing it better than I’ve ever felt it but here I go trying to analyze it anyway… I realize I am taking your shtick @petewentzisblack1312 … but this song NEEDS to be analyzed and I am going to try and make you like it :) I have been lurking in ur asks as an anon for a couple weeks and I HAVe to say this off anon… I’m sorry to bother u. My greatest hits include my autotune does not equal bad/talentless rant and my Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) mini-analysis 🤪 but also I learn SO MUCH from ur blog I love it. Anyway!!! Analysis of this song:

Tw : mania, depression, anxiety, substance use

To me this song is about coming down from a manic episode, maybe not even necessarily transitioning right into depression but like. Just coming down from it and kinda seeing the world as it is again, and feeling that kind of mellowed out, where your body allows itself to feel tired again. The title makes it more obvious - he’s no longer the life of the party - it’s over, everyone’s gone home, but he’s still there trying in vain to carry it on.

“I’m a stitch away from making it and a scar away from falling apart” is my FAVORITE line (hence my URL lol)… but the fact that this song opens with that and the narrator is oscillating between feeling 100% and feeling like they’re going to breakdown like THAT is what these transitions feel like to me (ok also I generally feel like this on a daily basis). But this line also gives you a hint of how well it is going… like he’s a stitch away from getting there - the cut hasn’t completely healed so he’s not getting there any time soon : but a scar away from falling apart - like a scar has already healed so it’s old hurt that is threatening to tear him apart —> “my old aches become new again”.

Then we get “blood cells pixelate” which I personally find hilarious since this song has been likened to the sims 3 soundtrack 💀 (I played the sims but I refused to have the music on so I have no idea cannot confirm or deny). Butttt this is obviously like a nod to everything being on film like even everything down to the blood coursing through his veins is made into an image, poster boys for your scene am I right? Also has to do with the scar/stitch - his breakdown is there for everyone to see, immortalized on magazine covers and interviews and E!News segments. But like only the blood cells, like no one gives a damn if he heals from this, thats not newsworthy. Eyes dilate (drugs and/or sex but maybe drugs Bc of the next line - full moon pills got him out on the street at night) butttt mania often comes with insomnia as we well know so. Maybe the pills are metaphorical idk

THEN the narrator becomes an observer - it’s no longer introspective, he’s watching someone else work the room, he’s cutting all ties to them loose, just sitting back and relaxing and watching and I always had this vision of Pete and/or patrick watching some girl flit around the room while he sat there with a lazy smile and drank a beer and leaned back in his chair. BUT on thinking on this more… I think- bear with me - maybe… just maybe… he’s watching himself outside of himself like some kind of dissociative thing (I personally experience that but it’s due to anxiety but it is common among just the general population so who knows) and it’s like you’re feeling that irritable high from the manic phase still and you’re trying to push through and just be part of this party right (or just part of life in general right, like the party is metaphorical IMO) and you separate form yourself in order to get through - your mind and body are not one. You have to watch yourself from the inside out, rely on muscle memory to get you through the party or your job or the tour or whatever it was in his case.

also tying back to I’m a stitch away - right like some part of you is cut in half and I’m a scar away - again, you were cut somewhere, something was severed, mind and body maybe… big brain hours (but also I’m probably reaching for that one)

Anyway then we have the “put love on hold” bc fuck if he’s ready for a relationship - he’s watching this girl desperate for stardom, maybe it’s the girl he’s watching work the room (if it’s not a dissociative thing, or maybe it’s both tbh). Her nose runs ruby red (cocaine is probably the cause I’m thinking, she’s doing lines at this party to be working the room). Death’s in a double bed (orgasms… nice one Pete) but really it’s a classic tale of a girl desperate for roles that she’s willing to sleep around to get there, she’s singing songs that could only catch the ear of other desperate people like her… but… Pete is writing THIS song and Patrick is singing it and they are just as desperate, right, like he’s helplessly watching someone enjoy a party and he’s verging on miserable (or he’s watching himself try to enjoy the party while he’s actually miserable) and they’re trying to catch our ears… we are the desperate… —> “I’m here to collect your hearts/it’s the only reason that I sing”

Then the bridge is where he starts to actually breakdown, the vocals get more intense and strained and chaotic, the sims 3 soundtrack music swells, and he repeats the beginning, reiterating that but adding on “kiss away young thrills and kills on the mouths of all of my friends” - to me he wants to take away all their joy and pain (kills could also = orgasm if u want to be nasty lol and tie it into the death in a double bed) and he wants to feel it for himself because right now he feels NOTHING like he’s right in the goddamn middle of feeling great and feeling like shit and again, to me that exemplifies the transition between mania and depression and we are back to square 1 (to me also thrills = mania and kills= depression but that’s just probably dumb lol).

Also he’s kissing it all away - it’s gentle, it’s loving, like brushing someone’s tears away, he’s not trying to be forceful about it, but he feels like HE should be experiencing all the highs and lows not his friends… or he doesn’t want his friends to suffer… both probably and the chorus is unhinged this time, patrick gives it his all, loses it, signifying hey wait, the narrator DID lose it… but then the song ends with the music coming off that swell, slowing down, relaxing, the narrator resignedly signing off “I’m a stitch away”… giving us maybe an etch of hope, that maybe his stitches healed after all and he did make it through (with hearts and wrists intact I am so corny sorry)

ANYWAY tldr I love this song and it means so much to me and like when I was 15 and found it the first time I was always like “why does this one hurt me so bad, like I don’t get it” but like. Now that I know what bipolar disorder is and that I suffer from it I understand lol. I don’t know if this is how Pete intended this idk I feel like I got some lines right but to ME this is what it feels like. Also it is v fun to play on the violin :)

[thechangeling]

Out of our heads Out of our minds

So evil writer brain decided to cook up and incredibly toxic kitty fic because apparently I'm a terrible person lol. Blame @ilikebooks8 for letting this see the light of day.

The title is based on the song Out of this world by Bush.

Cw: slightly nsfw, violence, cheating, incredibly toxic behavior, beloved characters making bad choices, and implied sex.

Kit returns.

He returns to Ty with the same dazzling smile and charming witt, only now he seems to have grown even more impossibly beautiful as time has passed.

Now he's all hard lines and defined muscles and piercing sinful blue eyes that make Ty so angry he could scream.

Kit laughs and Ty wants to tear his insides out. Wants to rip Kit's heart right out if his chest just like he did to Ty. The painful gnawing rage of a betrayal that still stings after all this time. And yet still, Ty heard Kit was in danger and he came running like a man obsessed.

Ty knows deep down now matter how angry he is, he could never let anything happen to Kit. Nothing permanent anyways. Sometimes when the ache becomes to difficult to bare, Ty imagines punching that stupid smirk right off of his face. Or choking him hard enough to leave bruises. Of course Ty would never actually do such a thing. The sight of Kit in pain, any sort of pain is just too unbearable.

And that's the worst part. No matter how angry Ty gets he knows it can't last. And no matter how painful it is to be near Kit again, he still feels this unexplainable pull. This whispering in his ear to get closer and closer. To reach out and touch.

But it's stupid, and it's wrong anyways because Ty already has someone. Anush who was by his side the whole time at the scholomance and has never betrayed him. Anush who is sweet and thoughtful and gorgeous. Ty should be happy. After all, wasn't this what he always wanted? Someone to be there for him?

So he tried to distract himself from Kit by throwing himself into spending time with Anush and working the case. That's all Kit was now, just the latest problem to solve. A supernatural disaster. They would save him and stop the oncoming war and everything would be fine.

And then Kit would be gone. Blind panic teared at Ty's insides at the thought. There were these moments with Kit where they would make eye contact, or they would bump into each other in the kitchen and their fingers would brush and Ty would just desperately want to wrap Kit in his arms again.

He wanted to ask if Kit had really meant what he said that day on the beach. Sometimes when Kit stared at him with that soft sad smile on his face Ty wondered if they were going through similar things. Sometimes Ty wanted to tell him that he wished he had never met Kit either.

Kit Herondale was dangerous and unpredictable and loving him was like holding a live wire. But funnily enough the same could probably be said about Ty. Especially lately.

He felt like he was constantly in pain. Like his body ached with invisible wounds that made it impossible to breathe. The world was brutal and unforgiving, berating him with constant noise and blinding lights jabbing hot pokers into his brain. And the people with their sickly sweet smiles as they demanded he bare his soul.

But what if there was nothing left anymore? What if his soul had died with Livvy? Ty tried to cling onto the things that made him feel better. He hid away in his favorite spot, listening to his favorite music and pouring over Sherlock. Repeating the words to himself over and over again like they could pull him out of this tailspin. Ty distracted himself with Anush's sweet kisses and wandering hands as he tried to turn his brain off for once in his life.

But his soul was screaming out for another person to be the one touching him. He wanted Kit and that was infuriating. It made no logical sense. Not only was Kit responsible for breaking his heart but he also was notorious for playing fast and loose with his own life. Ty couldn't spend all his time constantly feeling like his heart was living outside of his body. Constantly in danger of being ripped open by some dark and evil thing.

Ty had everything he thought he wanted. But it still wasnt enough.

During another sleepless night, Ty found himself wandering the institutes halls. At this point he was simply just overtired. Too many nights spent worrying or studying or reading instead of sleeping. Now his body doesn't remember how to rest. Ty was far too exhausted to operate on logic or reason so he found himself standing outside of Kit's door, wondering absentmindedly how he got there.

Ty placed his hand against the door, fighting the urge to open it and walk through. He can remember the first time he waited outside of Kit's door, just like it was yesterday. He had no idea at the time why he was so drawn to the mysterious boy who had shown up at the institute after Ty had threatened him with a knife. The boy who turned out to be a lost Herondale. And honestly after all of this time Ty still couldn't explain it.

This is a bad idea, He thought to himself as he slowly turned the doorknob. This is a terrible idea. Ty, driven by pure need like fire under his skin, pushed the door open.

Kit was awake as Ty suspected he would be, sitting by the window and staring out into the night sky. Under the moonlight he was glowing. He turned around to stare at Ty, first with a look of shock, and then that same hallow desperation Ty had been seeing on Kit's face lately.

He also looked angry.

"What the hell are you doing in here Ty?" He sounded exhausted. Ty almost felt guilty in a sense. He stared at Kit for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"I don't know," he whispered, staring at the ground. "I suppose I was compelled." Ty let his gaze slowly rise up Kit's body, drinking it in.

Kit scoffed harshly. "Compelled? By what exactly, Tiberius?"

Ty looked up at Kit's face in surprise. He rarely called Ty by his full name. Ty really didn't like how it felt. Cold and distant. Ty sighed, pushing his fingertips against his collarbone and tracing it slightly.

"I don't know. I guess I just needed to know. I need to know why you left me." Ty tried not to let himself sound desperate or weak, but he had become worn down by this point. He couldn't keep up his defenses much longer.

"Why didn't you want me?" He muttered. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

And there it was. The painful truth that Ty had been avoiding. The fact that Kit had tossed him aside just like so many had before. Like Paige. Like his father. He had always tried so hard to make people happy. To live up to their expectations. But in the end it didn't matter how hard he tried, sometimes there was just no pleasing certain people.

Sometimes it seemed like there was no point in being good and following the rules if nothing ever changed. If Ty always ended up in the same place. If people always saw him as a problem or an inconvenience or worse, then he could just live up to their expectations. Be selfish and cold and cruel because no amount of begging and smiling was going to earn him respect.

Kit glared at him in shock. "Who the hell do you think you are? Coming in here to play mind games with me?" Before Ty could register what was happening, Kit was storming towards him and shoving him up against the wall with a loud thunk.

The feeling of Kit touching him again after all this time was dizzying. Kit was shorter then him so he needed to crane his neck a little to look up at Ty, which meant that his throat was completely exposed for Ty to stare at.

"I told you how I felt and you did nothing! You ignored me!" Kit cried. "I wanted you more then I've ever wanted anything Ty! I still do!" Tears were streaming down his face. Ty stared at Kit, completely frozen. His wrists were pinned to the wall by Kit's hands and their faces were inches apart.

Ty struggled to collect himself. "I didn't know what was going on," he gasped out shakily. "I was a mess Kit. I just had to get her back. But-." He cut himself off. It was all for nothing. Ty had lost Livvy in the end and he had lost Kit as well.

Ty shook his head. "Does this mean that you love me?" His voice sounded so far away. Like the words were being pulled from some unexpected place within him. Kit let out a soft gasp and squeezed his eyes shut before fixing his expression into a blank slate. He leaned forward slightly so that their lips were just barely touching, then gently trailed his mouth across Ty's cheek to his ear.

Ty felt him smirk slightly before Kit whispered in his ear. "Go to sleep Ty. Go back to your boyfriend."

And before Ty had time to think, he was lashing out. He shoved Kit backwards as hard as he could with a snarl. Kit went flying across the room and slammed into the opposite wall. If Kit had been human it probably would have knocked him out. Ty stared in horror at what he had done as Kit clutched his ribs and groaned.

"You seriously have some anger management issues!" Kit snapped at him, glaring pointedly. Ty knew that. When he was younger he used to have fits of uncontrollable rage all the time. Words didnt come easily to him so he would hit, scratch, bite or throw whatever was closest to make people realize he was in pain. When he wanted to say "don't touch me" or "you hurt my feelings" but he just could make the words form properly, he would get angry. And then he would lash out.

Ty thought he had been getting better at managing his emotions and communicating. But there was something about Kit Herondale that just evaporated every last bit of logic and reason he had until all that was left was the urge to scream.

Ty gaped in shock, searching for the right thing to say. "By the angel Kit, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that I swear!" He pleaded. His fingers were beginning to shake and flutter at his sides. He tapped desperately against his thigh, scratching at the material of his sweatpants to try and calm himself down.

Kit just shook his head and laughed humourlessly. "Honestly Ty, we should just tell the Seelie Queen not to worry. And Janus, and all the other people who want the first heir dead. You'll destroy me just fine on your own." He gaze was piercing and ruthless.

Ty's breathing was frantic and erratic as he shook in agony. He could feel he was on the urge of a meltdown.

Kit pulled himself to his feet. He stared at Ty longingly and then smiled slightly. A genuine smile. "But honestly what a way to go. Does that answer your question sweetheart?"

Ty gasped soundlessly, his hands shaking at his sides. He fought to get a hold of himself. Kit studied Ty for a moment, then slowly began to approach him.

"Why are you here Ty? Why did you come here exactly?" Kit was speaking in a soft lulling voice as if he was trying to hypnotize Ty.

"I'm here because I miss you," Ty admitted. "It's confusing. Because I'm still mad at you. But I can't stop thinking about you." Ty felt as though he was close to crying, which was concerning because he rarely ever cried.

Only for Kit.

Kit scowled at him slightly. "You're with someone else, remember?"

Guilt instantly pierced through Ty's chest. "Yeah I know, I'm a terrible person," he said bitterly. He didn't want to admit to himself that he had been trying this whole time to distract himself from Kit. That he was using Anush. But that was technically true. Ty saw the opportunity to lose himself in a pretty boy with an honest smile who loved him wholeheartedly.

Ty thought he could forget but then here he was. All roads led to Kit Herondale.

Kit sighed and reached for Ty, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. "You arent terrible. You're spiraling. And you come to me like I can save you from yourself? Please," Kit chuckled. "I can barely save myself."

"I don't need you to save me."

Kit stared at him with an expression that was hard to place. Then he smiled, but it wasnt a kind smile. It was a satisfied, knowing smirk. Kit traced his thumb under Ty's chin then back up to his lips, forcing them to part slightly.

"You think I don't know why you're here love?" He cooed in a voice that was both soothing and alluring. You think I don't know what you're after?" Kit sighed, sounding a little worn down. "If I was a better person, a stronger person. I would tell you to leave." He dipped his hands down underneath Ty's shirt.

Ty shivered at the cold feeling against his skin. He dropped his forhead down to lean against Kit's, revealing in the contact. "Lucky for you," Kit whispered against his lips, "I'm not."

Ty felt the last string of his self control snap as he kissed Kit roughly, grabbing onto his torso and pulling him closer. Kit responded to the kiss eagerly, parting his lips for Ty and laughing deliriously as their lips met again and again.

Kit was tearing off Ty's shirt as he walked him backwards, closer to the bed. As soon as he had slid it off if Ty's body, Kit tossed the shirt aside and went back to kissing him. Ty felt his knees hit the bed frame and he fell backwards onto the soft welcoming mattress, pulling Kit down with him.

Kit kissed a line down Ty's neck to his pulse point and Ty groaned, burying his fingers in Kit's curls. He was lost in a sea of pure desperation.

"Tell me to stop," Kit whispered between kisses. Ty froze for a moment. Then he understood.

Kit was giving him an out.

Ty responded by pulling Kit even closer and letting his head fall back against the pillows.

He closed his eyes and let Kit Herondale ruin him.

The morning after was the hardest. Ty pulled himself from Kit's arms and forced himself not to look back.

And that was when he finally cried.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

WHAT THE HELL FAE! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS OMG 😭

[weebswrites]

I hope this is your ask box omg😭 but but could you do like, pegging Oikawa and degrading him? I’m a sucker for him omfg

(implied female insert, but no pronouns)

WC: 1665

TW: I mean obv it’s smut, but the degrading is also a thing so please read at your own risk

You walk into your apartment to find your doting boyfriend Oikawa sitting on the couch, clearly sulking about something again

“Oikawa, what’s wrong. Did Iwaizumi give you shit over something again?” you ask, hoping to solve his problem

“It’s not that…” he replied, clearly wanting you to keep asking

“Babe, what is it?” you give in, seeing what was on his mind

“I want to ask you something” he said, turning to look into your eyes

“You know you can ask me anything”

He pauses for a moment and you can see the gears turning in his brain. “Come with me” he said, taking your hand and leading you to your bedroom

He sits down and pulls you on his lap, and instantly you feel his dick against your hips. You instinctively grind a bit against it, and are surprised when his hand touches your back and pulls your torso against his

He moans a bit, and presses a kiss to the sweet spot on your neck. “Oikawa…” you whisper

“Baby, please…I-“ he cuts himself off, blushing deeply

You’d never seen him so embarrassed before, and you didn’t know what was going on

“Is there, something you want from me, in bed?” you think out loud, trying to put everything together

He nods against your neck, “I want you to peg me” he whispers quietly, and you’re hardly able to hear him

But you do hear him, and your face blushes deep red. You’d bough a strap on one night the two of you got a little less than sober, but you both forgot about it until it arrived.

But the idea of pegging Oikawa turned you on beyond belief, and you felt a heat between your legs. You put your hands on his shoulders and push him down on the bed, fully grinding against his bulge as you lean over and whisper in his ear, “Is that what you want from me? Damn, you’re such a little slut, so embarrassed to ask me to fuck you” you tease

He whimpers below you, “Please…”

You press a deep kiss to his lips before climbing off him, walking to your closet and retrieving the strap on from the back. It was a good length, the two of you tried to get one that was close to his size, but it ended up being a bit bigger. You toss it on the bed and take your shirt off for him, strip teasing him as you smirked at him. He bit his lip and sat up, pressing kisses to your torso as he unhooked your bra swiftly.

“So eager to touch me, I bet you’re wet as fuck in those dirty little pants of yours”

You took his shirt off, admiring his perfectly toned body for a moment before wiggling down a bit, taking his sweatpants and boxers off as well

“Look how fucking hard you are for me. You’re such a desperate slut, Oikawa” you growl at him, leaning down and licking a slow line up his cock.

He shivered and grabbed your arms, silently begging you to keep going

But you weren’t about to give him what he wanted, oh no. You kiss his tip lightly before shaking your arms free of his hold and hovering over him on your knees

You then take your shorts and panties off, and lean back over him and connect your lips. Your kisses are sloppy with hunger, and you can feel his fingers tremble as they move through your hair. You’re grinding against him, pussy wrapping his cock in your warmth as your hands combed through his hair.

“Please…please Y/N…” he whispered, his voice was so weak for you it sent a fire through your veins, and you smirked into his lips, loving the power you had over him

“Not yet baby, I’m going to have my fun with you first”

He whines, hands resting on your hips and pulling you against him

“You’re so desperate for me, whining and shaking just from my touch” you tease, mounting his hips as you trail a finger down his torso, “Imagine how you’ll scream when I’m making you mine”

Your overly innocent smile turns into a smirk, and you lean over him and gently play with his nipple in your mouth. His hands tighten around your hips, and you roll your hips against his again

“Fuck…please Y/N….please” he whispers, and you love the way he’s crumbling under your body

“I love how you’re begging for me, you dirty little thing” you smirk, kissing back up to his lips with a trail of marks

“Now…what is it you want” you speak, voice commanding him to beg for you

“I- I want you to fuck me! So bad, please baby…” he cried out, hips bucking as you ground against him more and more 

“That’s better” you smile, kissing his nose gently before getting off him. You pick up the strap on and hold it at the base. You bring it to his lips, “Suck.”

He obeys, sticking out his tongue and allowing you to slide the strap on inside his mouth. You move it in and out slowly, watching his mouth drip saliva as he took you in. Your other hand moves to his cock and you begin to stroke it, just slower than you knew he liked

You continued this for a moment before pulling the strap out of his mouth. “Now, turn over and stick your ass up. I’m finally going to fuck you until you collapse, or should I say-“ you lean over his ass, now perked up towards you, “hit it ‘till it breaks”

Hearing his own motto used against him made him almost carnal, and he groaned loud. “Fuck me…damnit”

“Oh, is someone needy? What a bad little whore, thinking you can command me when you’re in this position? Look at you…ass in the air like a fucking bitch” you degrade him roughly, stepping into your strap on and connecting it to your body

He looked back at you over his shoulder, and you smirked at him as he took in your body with the strap on. His eyes took it in, and you smirked, more than ready to make him your toy

You’re on your knees behind him, “You’re such a needy little slut, I can’t wait to fuck you” you laugh, and insert two fingers inside him. He gasps, and you feel him clench around you. “You’re disgusting, taking my fingers in your little fuck hole like this…” you growl

He just whimpers, and you curl your fingers inside him, twisting them to stretch him faster. 

“Fuck…” he moans under his breath, and you take it as a signal to insert a third finger. He clenches, and you chuckle as you push your fingers completely inside him, palm hitting his ass as you curl your pinkie to hit his taint

He moaned louder than you’d ever heard him, and you repeated the motions over and over and over

Then, you quickly took away your hand, lining your strap up with his hole, “I hope you’re ready, dirty slut” you growl, and push into him

He cries out, but pushes himself back against you. You push completely into him, and then begin thrusting, gradually getting faster as you find your rhythm

“You dirty little fuck, look at you pushing your ass against my cock” you groan, hips rolling you deeper and deeper inside him. He was a mess, moans slipping out as you watched him fist the sheets and arch his back in pleasure.

But he’s missing something, and you know exactly what it is. You can tell he’s about to explode, and you move a hand from his hips to his dick, and stroke it fast, eager to bring him over the edge to his first climax

“Oh fuck…fuck!” he screams, and you bite your lip in satisfaction

“You like that? You like it when I jerk you off like this? You dirty little thing”

He groans in agreement and moments after you feel him release over your hand and onto his chest, a high pitched moan escaping his mouth as he did

You keep your hand pumping until he’s done, “You didn’t even warn me first, are you so juvenile that you can’t even tell when I’m going to make you cum?”

He just whimpers, overstimulation setting in as you continue to thrust as deep inside him as you can, repeatedly bottoming out.

“Apologize, and I’ll let you cum again” you command, voice strong

“I’m sorry, please let me cum again…I’m sorry” he said, trying to make his voice loud enough so you could hear him

You pull almost all the way out of him, pausing your hand for a moment as well before slamming completely inside him, hand slamming against his pelvis before resuming jerking him off. You roll your hips against his ass, cock hitting the spot deep inside him over and over again as you continue to throw insults at him

His second climax always came faster than the first, and him being pegged was no exception to this. You could hear him whimpering as it approached, and you leaned over and licked up his spine as far as you could, the stimulation making him arch his back

A minute later you feel him cum at the will of your hand, and you thrust hard into him as he does

Once he’s ridden his second climax you pull out of him, watching as his hole expands at the girth of your cock.

He collapses, and you lean over him, kissing him deeply

“Thank you Y/N” he says, biting his lip and smiling at you

You kiss him back, “You’re almost as good subbing as you are when you’re the one doing the fucking” you tease

“Oh?” he smirks, and you know you’re about to get your turn of the action

——————————

A/N: I will write pt 2 of this if it’s requested enough lol, comment if you want it / want to be on the taglist! Also I’m sorry this took so long ! I just moved back to my college campus and it’s been a wild week lol

[life-rewritten]

GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!

Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

THE NICE SURPRISES

BAKERY BOYS

Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking

Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!

Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.

FISH UPON THE SKY

Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?

 Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned). 

FINDING ENCHANTE

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery, 

Verdicts: 

Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you. 

With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?

 The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing?  My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)

Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.  

Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose? 

Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is. 

Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!

Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening! 

THE BIG BOYS

GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying.  Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!

NOT ME 

Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst

Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it,  this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey. 

Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;

This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL. 

This isn't set in University.

This isn't'  unrequited pining from Gun to Off.

Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!

Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you. 

BAD BUDDY 

Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,. 

Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV? 

Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded. 

Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it. 

Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.

A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS

 Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water, 

Verdict:

 And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!. 

Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it. 

After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait. 

[luvlyrv]

Naughty | pt. 3 | Irene x F!Reader | Mafia!AU

Summary: Two crime bosses entangled in a deadly and tension filled rivalry start to find themselves entangled in a different kind of relationship.

Not without going through a lot of death, pain, fighting and teasing first of course.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I don’t know if I have the time to write a lot right now so I’m posting the things I already finished and are sitting in my draft. Enjoy reading! Irene and Y/N’s relationship kinda uhhh gets complicated from here on out lol

Completely unrelated but, how many times can I rewatch every single ‘Red Velvet: A Mess’ video? The answer is way too many.

Date: 1/12/21 (written)

Series Masterlist

Part 3: A Dance to Remember

Irene is looking over a hung up map of the city in her office when she heard a knock.

"Come in."

Seulgi, her second in command, entered the room. She held a plastic bag in her hand and had a pissed-off looking face. She walked towards Irene's desk and threw it there.

"A gift, from Y/N to you presumably." She announced.

Irene stepped away from examining the map and turned around to look at the bag on her desk. The bag had a horrible smell, and as Irene got close enough to see its contents she understood why. All 10 fingers of the recent informant Irene got in contact with. She gave out a low and short chuckle.

"Why are you laughing?" Seulgi was furious, because this was not how things were supposed to go.

"She's interesting, isn't she?" Irene asked playfully.

"Yeah, interestingly good at fucking up our plans, Irene." Seulgi still wasn't having it.

"Don't worry, you know me." Irene said as she strutted down to sit on her chair. She sits and looks up at Seulgi who now had a confused face. "I always get what I want, and what I want is to win this game."

Seulgi bites her lips, knowing that Irene had plans stirring up in her brain. She sighed and sat down across from her boss.

"You know I'll always be one step ahead, right?" Irene asks Seulgi.

"Of course. So, what do you want me to do now?" Seulgi responds.

-

If Joseph was being honest, tonight there would be a gala hosted by some rich businessman you frankly didn't care for. What you did care for however, was the fact that Joseph said Irene was supposed to be there.

You stood in front of your vast closet. You had to choose the right outfit for tonight. Something fashionable, prim and proper, yet not too glamorous as to make you stick out like a sore thumb. After several moments of contemplation, you decided on a maroon dress that hugged your body. It fell just right above your ankles. It was a simplistic dress, one without jewels adorning it nor any extra patterns, but the simplicity was what made it so beautiful to you.

You quickly change into the dress and brush through your hair, trying to make sure you wouldn't look like a mess when you would inevitably be surrounded by snotty rich people. For safety, instead of settling on heels you decided that perhaps nice-looking flats would be enough. You also grab a fitting purse and inside the purse was only your pistol and a tracker.

When you leave your house, you find Taehyung patiently waiting outside. He's looking fashionable himself in his tuxedo. When he catches sight of you he smiles and looks at you up and down.

"You certainly will blend in."

He opens the passenger seat for you and then makes his way to the driver's seat. He begins to take the both of you to where the gala was, and to pass the time you reviewed the plan over with him.

"Taehyung, you're purely there for recon. Don't get a trigger finger, and no matter how bad things seem don't butt-in. We really can't risk blowing our cover."

Taehyung just nods in response.

"I'll either plant a tracker on her or we'll have to follow her on foot and car. Just... don't worry about me too much. I really can't afford you getting anxious and well..."

"Yeah, I get it."

You didn't want to remind Taehyung about the fact he blew the last mission you guys had that was similar to this.

You know you're finally at the gala when you see a building with expensive cars surrounding it, lights lighting it up like a heavenly palace. You grab an intricate mask that covered your eyes from the dashboard of the car. Luckily, it looked more like a fashion statement that went with your dress rather than an attempt to hide your identity. Taehyung also wears a matching mask, with the plan being that the two of you would sneak into the event and then play it off as girlfriend and boyfriend if anyone asked.

After walking the perimeter, you finally found a spot in the back of the building with a clear route to sneak in with. The two of you enter the building with ease and began to bustle about. Taehyung would always be a couple feet in your vicinity, looking out for your back. Meanwhile you would be scanning the area for a woman that matched Joseph's description.

Beautiful, he said, you can't help but to chortle at the thought, but that did pique your curiosity about her. Joseph said she was short in stature but likely going to wear heels. Black hair and pale skin. Nearly a guarantee that she would be accompanied by her underboss, Seulgi. Brown hair and cat-like features on her face.

Honestly, Joseph's description was vague and shitty, but you'd make it work. After all, all you had to do was look out for a person who's face screamed "I've murdered and seen murder".

Of course, one can always try to pass off as innocent and pure, and most probably wouldn't notice. But you knew that among people like yourself, someone like Irene would be noticeable. Her body language should say it all.

After an hour of searching though, you begin to feel your hope falter. You couldn't find anyone that seemed to fit the description of Irene or Seulgi. You sigh, until you feel a tap on your shoulder. You flinch and quickly turn around, only to calm down when you realize it's just Taehyung.

"Jeez, you scared me."

He chuckles a bit before his face turned a bit more serious.

"Sorry about that, I just wanted to say, maybe that's her?"

He points to a far off corner, and you feel like he's hit a mark. You open up your purse just slightly. You gently grab the tracker and hide it within the clutches of your left hand. You begin to walk over to the corner Taehyung pointed to, and smiled to meet a woman that seemed like Irene. As you begin approaching her she notices your presence and turns over to you with a blank face.

You bow down in front of her and extend your right hand with your left behind your back.

"May I have a dance with you?"

The woman quirks up an eyebrow, a strange look on her face. Nonetheless, she hesitantly gives you her hand. They're small, and despite the cold look she was giving you they felt incredibly soft and warm. You begin to dance with her.

"May I know your name, pretty lady?" You ask her.

"Hmm," she hums to herself, "you can call me Irene, and I'll let you know that I'm thoroughly unimpressed right now".

Even though she says she's unimpressed, she continues dancing with you, her hips swaying with yours. After only a couple seconds of silence she asks you the same question.

"And who might you be?"

"Your lover for tonight, perhaps?" You try to play sly with her. As bad as a line that was, you smiled anyways. Irene lets a sharp exhale out of her nose.

"Now I'm really unimpressed." She says with a small smirk on her face.

As the orchestral music crescendos, you dip Irene low to the ground. Your left hand is on the dip on her small back as she allows her weight to rest on you. You hold her steady for a couple seconds as you secretly press the tracker into her dress. You're excited to know that the first step of your plan was complete, and you feel your heart rush with excitement.

Or was your heart rushing for a different reason?

You pull Irene back up and close to you, the both of you pressed up together chest to chest.

"Did you enjoy the dance, Irene?"

"What is it to you?"

You laugh a little at her response and pull away.

"Well, if you're not going to answer I suppose you won't. Farewell for now, Irene." You slip out of sight from Irene and into the crowd of other dancers. For a second though, you finally notice a girl that you would assume to be Seulgi, staring down at you with a confused glare.

You quickly make your way back to Taehyung and force him to follow you to the car.

Your ears are red. Your face is flushed. Your heart is beating so fast.

Taehyung turns on the car light and takes off your mask, shocked to see you sweating so much. He puts his hand on your forehead.

"Shit, Y/N are you sick?"

You shake your head no.

"Just nervous. I mean. Shit I think Seulgi might've known." You explain to Taehyung. He just nods. Another part of you, deep down inside though, is repeating the feeling of Irene's hand in yours, the feeling of you holding her, the subtle waft of peaches of cream coming from her body. Why were those thoughts in your head?

"Taehyung, pull out the laptop. Let's just wait for the party to end in a bit and then follow."

"Alright then."

Taehyung grabs the laptop from the back seats of the car and turns it on, pulling up the software that blinked where the tracker was. You sighed with relief, as it looked like it was still on Irene.

Now all you had to do was confront Irene when she entered a place where she thought she'd be safe. It was as simple as that.

The problem though, was that it was as simple as that. A feeling of uncertainty and anxiousness began to squeeze your chest. Things... shouldn't be this easy. Things rarely ever came this easy. No way could it be that easy to fool your rival, right? You try to calm yourself down though. After all they never removed the tracker from Irene. Even though Seulgi glared at you, that could just be because of your close vicinity with her, not because she thought you were out to kill Irene.

Yeah, things would turn out fine.

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

Top 20 2021

My Favorites (updated)

Hello my readers, it’s been a while since I just posted something not related to a headcanon and I am doing one right now. I just wanted to take a bit of a break to just get SOMETHING on here on my days off work. Plus I’m just trying to find my groove when it comes to writing again so hopefully this helps me just get back into the mood of making a post more often lol. I wanted to revisit this topic for a while just because we’ve had a lot more events and a lot more alts in the game were added. And I know for a fact LifeWonders reads these posts in some capacity because I have meme’d an AR into the game with my top picks from the last list I did for Christmas 2019. No I didn’t. I’m just joking around and I know LifeWonders doesn’t read this.

Anyways rather than just make up a list on the spot like last year I decided to use the Housamo Sortmaker (Link: https://club.housamo.xyz/sortmaker/ ) to try and make a list that’s more revealing to what I was thinking at the time. Since I talked about 20 characters ish last time I’m just gonna read from my 20th place to my 1st place spots and try to justify whatever I was thinking at the time. Anyways-

20: Marchosias and Susan: This one was a surprise for me if I’m being honest but I’m just gonna blame the fact on Shukou’s recent involvement with LifeWonders in the form of Live A Hero and how Ryekie and Mokdai live in my headspace rent free whenever I think about the characters in that game. Maybe we can see about getting some LAH headcanons since that’s a LifeWonders property too). So out of all the characters Shukou drew for Housamo why did I pick Marchosias? Easy, it’s been 4 years and this poor man has yet to receive a proper alt or any kind of skin for that matter and I think that it’s a crime. Sure he’s not my favorite but he’s definitely grown on me because he’s just a gentle dad kind of character and his design has grown on me over the years. I just hope he doesn’t get left behind since he has a lot of really interesting and potential things to look forward to in the future given how the main story has unfolded.

19: Shiva/Algernon: The helmet heads are together because DAI XT quickly became my favorite artist for Fire Emblem Heroes and I really just like their designs. DAI XT just knows how to draw robots, armor and muscles well. Also Chapter 11 with Shiva you can read into some interesting perspectives. I don’t want to spoil any of the untranslated content for anyone who’s waiting for the official english translation. But if you are curious Roureem has a blogspot where he posts summaries of the newly released events.

Link: https://housamosummaries.blogspot.com/

18: Cthugha: I love this goober so much. He’d constantly try to act super sentai just trying say good morning everyday. He may not be very bright but that just adds to his charm and honestly I enjoy how he always tries to play the hero in a lot of scenarios because it’s refreshing when they implement him after a bunch of heavy hitting story stuff. I’m not gonna spoil too much about it but I will say he’s more than welcome after everything Chapter 10 and 11 put the reader through.

17: Mineaki: I’ve made a post about him being one of my least favorites way back when I first started this blog and let me just say how times have changed and I’ve learned the value of not judging a book by it’s cover. I still think there’s something a bit off about Kowmei’s style for his characters, but Mineaki has definitely grown on me. He’s a caring instructor who does watch out for his students even if it’s not always in the most direct way possible. Not to get into too many spoilers he’s got a lot of intrigue around him as well and I am curious to see his role get expanded down the line.

16: Ded: Housamo is the reason I really like christmas. The Christmas stories despite following a similar structure to each other do tend to be my favorite stories. Ded himself is also just another good dad character. He’s also two guys for the price of one, so I mean… you know… you’ve got the forever ask your other dad situation. There wasn’t much thought put into this choice I just like santa as a concept because I think the outfits are cute, it’s always nice to get something for people you care about on Christmas and Ded is the perfect embodiment of both sides to Christmas.

15: Shinya: Everyone we need to manifest buff Shinya for 2021, this is not a drill. This is legitimate. We must make Taromati’s and my wish come true. To be more serious again he’s just a sweet and gentle character. He’s also drawn by my favorite Housamo artist. Their characters always just look so naturally good. I’m just surprised he hasn’t gotten much of an alt given he’s perfect material for Valentine’s day. He’s just a soft boy and I would love for him to be in more things because I just enjoy seeing him.

14: Jacob: I have to be honest Jacob is on here because every time I look at him he just gets more handsome to me. I wasn’t all that impressed with his introduction and we don’t know much about his background but I’ve just been drawn to him more and more. Maybe it’s just because he’s drawn by GomTang? I just like looking at him and I can’t help it. To speak a bit less crass he’s another gentleman kind of guy and those are always nice.

13: Shennong: Yeah I like the doc a lot. Firstly, I’m a huge sucker for big bulls and Shennong fits the bill. The white fur really adds to his appeal visually and the purple horns give off a bit of an unnatural appearance. Shen feels like someone who’s been touch starved and alone for a long time given how he acts as a character and when we actually hug him I just lost it. He always has others well being on his mind so he’s not afraid to jump in and help, or give a much needed lecture about when you need to take better care of yourself. He just comes across as very well balanced overall.

12: Heracles: I won’t lie- at first he didn’t interest me much. He looked incredibly plain when among the rest of the cast and he seemed like the typical “bait” character since the banner had Echo, Barguest, Gyumao and Snow. But after reading the translation for Valentine Time Slip I was taken aback at how much of a gentle giant he turned out to be and I just really liked his interactions with the others in that event. And honestly his special quest from that year was one of the more unique ones given the slower pace and more romantic vibe it had. After the event warmed my heart I did a complete 180 and I just knew I really liked him.

11. Yasuyori: Before I start praising him I feel I have to justify why he didn’t quite make top 10 and it will have some mild Chapter 10 spoilers. To be as vague as possible his resolution just didn’t vibe with me at the end of Chapter 10. Like it wasn’t a bad resolution and it was the right choice to make but in my opinion there really wasn’t a moment I felt was clear where he made a choice for himself. Everything just sort of happened around him and it felt like he didn’t really do much to improve his situation. To an extent I kind of see that being the idea given his origins and the story he’s based on and there is some semblance of him coming to terms with himself alongside his isolation being portrayed pretty well, but I just wasn’t satisfied with it as much as I would like to be. With that out of the way, oh my god I just want this boy to never stop smiling and I just want to give him hugs constantly please he just deserves to be happy!!! Yasuyori is a character who’s got a lot of baggage and he’s just trying to find ways to properly cope with his trauma and not repeat past mistakes and I just really like that idea. His role in Xmas 2020 (sorry I just forgot the name of that event, but its when he gets his alt) was a much better representation for his character in my eyes. I’m not gonna spoil anything like I keep saying but he isn’t one to disappoint in future appearances and I just hope this lovable lug keeps getting the support he deserves.

10: Hephaestus: A spicy way to start the latter half of the list. I just want to give this lad a hug and tell him he is worthy of love. But at the same time he is a little shit… and I love that. I can’t fully explain why I grow a paternal instinct in me seeing this grown man sob about his mother but I just do. I want to keep him safe and give him all the affection he wants. Though I am aware a lot of Hephaestus’s interest in his parental figure is… questionable. I am just gonna say I would accept his love for what it is and he just wants approval.

9. Shuten: I’ll be honest I have no proper reason for why I like Shuten so much. He’s just a cool and reliable guy. He just seems like a go with the flow kind of person most of the time and he’s a bit more direct than most of the characters which I always appreciate. Plus I have an unspoken bias for naop guys in Housamo.

8. Durga: While not number 1 on this list, I still really like Durga. She’s quirky but not to an annoying degree, she’s determined and definitely very confident in her own abilities. Her growing to be more sociable throughout her events is something I enjoy seeing because it really creates this sense of growth.

7. Kyuma: I get a lot of people don’t like Kowmei’s art but I really think we should look past it because Kyuma is one of the sweeter picks. He’s someone who just wants to prove himself for his own worth and not what David can provide, but David is part of him and it just creates the potential for a good arc. Plus this boy is unintentionally smooth and will just take your heart when possible. I honestly want to see Kyuma more in events because he’s honestly the jock that carries 3 of the 4 brain cells. He’s also the last one without an alt so I’m just hoping he gets one in 2021 because he really deserves one in my opinion. (Also fan art makes him really cute).

6. Tomte: Tomte is relatively new but honestly his event in 2019 really endeared me to him. I’m trying to be spoiler free because the best way to enjoy these stories is for yourselves but let me just say his arc in the event was really endearing to me and much more than I was expecting. His fan service is also incredibly hammy and I love it. Visually Tomte is one of my favorites, I love his multi colored hair and starlit pupils cuz it makes his otherwise more generic look have some flare. I knew I liked him out the box and when I read about him in the summaries and can’t wait to read the official translation for him. I was just very endeared.

5. Tetsuya: Tetsuya fucks. Moving on…

Jokes aside this one’s a bit simple. I have no shame in admitting I think he’s attractive and his whole resistance towards wanting a relationship is cute in a weird roundabout way. When he says no I just want it MORE. I just really like duo haired tsunderes.

4. Kengo: Kengo 3rd alt 2021. Please LifeWonders I need my favorite Summoner. He’s a bro and that’s what counts. Kengo has got your back, not afraid to rely on you, a very fun and dynamic guy. Sure he’s not that bright when it comes to making plans or any book smart, but there are times where he’s the best at being able to read the room or just understand what someone needs to hear even if it isn’t always what someone wants to hear. His bullheaded nature is actually one of his redeeming qualities because it’s nice to just not overcomplicate things and just understand what’s actually going on. Yes the early story didn’t do many favors for him but to me the events, especially the later ones, do much more work for his character. To me, at least.

3. Ashigara: Ashigara is best bear, and I will defend that stance in 2021. The main thing that draws me to Ashigara is that I can see a bit of myself in him. He gets very emotional when he gets left alone, he’s very loud when with his friends, has a tendency of speaking his mind- just someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I also appreciate that in spite of the negative he isn’t someone who backs down when the going gets tough and in a few instances he’s able to hold his ground physically at least.

2. Wakan Tanka: Love at first sight. This ray of sunshine still persists as the number 1 husband, but number 2 character. Firstly I am a huge fan of the partial beast aesthetic. The buffalo ears and the horns  are absolutely adorable. Secondly he’s a perfect body type; he’s not too muscular but not exactly flabby. Third he is just so positive and I love that. He’s someone I admire and wanna hug.

1. Taurus Mask: The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m still a big Taurus Mask fan for all the same reasons as last time. I just… relate to this boy. He is an incredibly shy boy who uses his public persona for confidence. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it’s like we’re soul bros!

So yeah, my tastes haven’t changed in a year and a half.