#SPIRAL OF MISTRUST

[faerociousbeast]

olaying another dangan fangame sorry. and hes a PUZZLEMASTER??? ESCAPE ROOMS AND SHIT?????? i love him SO MUCH but he is SO death traitor coded

[dutybcrne]

Dawn Winery Head!Kae during Luc’s absence make brain go brr

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

QUEEN’S THRONE. 18+

pairing. bucky barnes x fem!reader

> the first image has no implication of readers skin tone, the picture itself has the feel of the fic!!

word count. 2041

summary. you have been feeling insecure and been nitpicking yourself apart. bucky notices and shows you how much he loves your body by asking you to sit on his face

warnings. 18+ only!! reader is feeling insecure within her body and weight, descriptions involving self doubts, little bit of body worship, cunnilingus, face sitting, bucky being a munch and cuming untouched. minors dni

based on this request

No one ever really prepares you for how difficult it is to like yourself, to find parts of your body you don't hate. To not tear yourself apart over things you deem ugly or heinous. 

There's no manual you get for counteracting these doubts in your mind. You're supposed to trick yourself into thinking otherwise - to deceive the mistrust in your brain. But sometimes, the lies you tell yourself to feel better have no effect on you - the affirmations you repeat in rituals feeling like robotic words from self-help blogs. 

You stand naked in front of the full-length mirror in your room, towel on the floor pooled around your ankles. Damp strings of hair collecting on your shoulders, the almost dry strands indicating the time you've stood looking at yourself.

The skin under your eyes soaked with tears, flesh sore and tender from the last near twenty minutes of picking yourself apart. Your gaze hones in on yourself in the mirror, looking at the reflection of your thighs, mindlessly staring at the chub you consider ugly.

Your eyes sadly trail up to your stomach, taking note of the wideness of your hips and patches of stretch marks that litter those areas. Seeing yourself in the reflection after a day of feeling bad about yourself was not a healthy coping mechanism, nor was it one you would encourage - but there was just something inside of you, something inside your brain telling you to nitpick your 'problem' areas. 

It was like there was an evil little gremlin in your mind that made things worse for yourself. That made you give in to the doubts and insecurities - that made you believe them.

Sometimes, you had a better hold on that gremlin, quietening that voice with your own, but on others, like today, that was not the case. You had a difficult day, feeling like a sore thumb everywhere you went - feeling like you stood out in all the worst ways. But that was not the truth - the people you passed on the street were too preoccupied with their own spiral of doubt and shame to even notice your 'problem' areas. 

But, right now, you had no space left for rationality - that loud, pitiful voice overshowing the logical parts of your brain.

You hear a light knock on the door, the sound snapping you out of thought. 

"You've been in there a while. Everything okay?" your boyfriend, James, calls out, his tone soft. 

You clear your throat and grab an oversized tee - throwing on the closest one you can find. "Yeah, out in a minute," you reply, evening your voice to avoid detection. 

"Mind if I come in. Need to grab something," Bucky asks, words muffling behind the closed door.

You hesitate momentarily. "Okay."

The door opens, and Bucky steps into the room, eyes immediately landing on the back of you - head cocking to the side suspiciously. He picks up a t-shirt he pretended to need and walks around the bed to you on the other side - standing beside you as you look out the window. 

"What you looking at?" he asks, subtly scoping you out. 

"Just been looking at the moon," you lie, nodding to the silver crescent in the night sky.

Though he doesn't believe you, keeping his eyes on you as you try to redirect his attention. He extends his neck, reaching his head out to see more than just the side of your face - to see the giveaway he knew was there.

He twists you around more to look at him, making you show your face that you've been trying to hide. His eyes land on yours momentarily before you divert them away, turning from his gaze almost shamefully. He takes note of the sore under your eyes, how they look damp and swollen - how tired you look.

"What's the matter? What's wrong?" he asks, worry evident in his voice. "What's the matter?" he repeats quieter, features softening as he looks at you.

"Nothing," you shrug, turning away from him. "Probably just tired," you partially lie.

He parts focus from you and begins to place together the pieces you weren't willing to share. He glances around the room until he lands on the mirror, the towel on the floor confirming his theory. 

Poking his neck out, trying to meet your gaze again, he calls your name - trying to refocus you.

"You have to stop doing that to yourself," he murmurs, twisting you around to him for the final time. "You're so mean to yourself, and you don't deserve it," he softly shakes his head, reinforcing his words. 

"I wasn't doing that," you reply, bottom lip beginning to tremble with your lie. "I don't do— I don't do that anymore."

His head tilts to the side, not believing you. "Honey," he coos, drawing out the term of endearment as he brings you in for a hug - wrapping you up in an embrace. 

"I don't," you continue, voice almost breaking. "I don't," you repeat, shaking your head softly in the crook of his neck. 

"Okay," he hums, brushing comforting strokes up your back, soothing you. "I know," he murmurs.

He holds you like that, large hands engulfing the middle of your back, caressing you with delicate touch and waiting for you to pull away. 

"I'm sorry," you sniffle, backing away as you wipe your nose on your hand. "I'm being stupid," you shrug with a weak smile, self-depreciation creeping in.

Bucky shakes his head firmly, a soft furrow of his brows indicating his distaste for the topic. He extends his hands to your face, placing palms over your cheeks - stilling your face and making you look at him. "Stop it," he scolds, voice warm and gentle. His hands secure on your face, eyes boring into yours. "You have to stop doing that."

You sigh, a slow, uneasy exhale leaving your lips as if to steady yourself.

"I think you're perfect," he whispers, pressing a kiss onto your cheek - absorbing the tear from your skin. "I wish you could see it too."

His hands leave the placement on your cheeks, moving down to rest on your hips over your tee. One flesh, one metal sitting on the curve. He keeps his eyes locked on you, looking for signs of discomfort, only to find none - your gaze trusting and enamoured. 

Bending at the knee in front of you and at eye level with your 'problem' areas, he glides his hands up your outer thighs - palms running over them intently. He keeps his eyes locked on your upper legs, watching the soft jiggle of the chub - utterly captivated by their beautiful shape.

He hesitantly runs his hands higher and towards your hips, forearms catching on the hem of your t-shirt, rising and revealing your bare pussy underneath. He inhales harshly, the lewd sight of you mere inches away from your face. 

He presses soft kisses over your plump thighs, almost worshipping you - on his knees, kissing parts of you he adores most. He glances up to meet your gaze, your eyes already locked on him.

His kisses trail higher, lining up the crease between cunt and thigh, working up the cute swell of your tummy. "You're beautiful," he murmurs,

words muffling into your hip. "And so perfect."

You rake your fingers into his hair, softly stroking his scalp - all thoughts from earlier dissipating slowly, everything feeling inconsequential with your pretty boyfriend on his knees between your legs.

"Sit on my face," he mutters, pulling away from your stomach to look up at you. "I want you on my face."

Your half-lidden eyes fling open, shock almost slapping you across the face. "What?" you question, gently tugging Bucky's head away from your tummy. "No," you shake your head. "I'll hurt you."

He faintly chuckles as he stands, leaning back onto the mattress. "You won't," he smiles, resting his head on the pillows behind, getting comfortable. "Come on," he nods you over, beckoning you to your throne. 

"I don't know," you reply sheepishly, glancing over him.

"You don't have to sit— just hover."

You step closer and kneel on the bed, pausing like you're debating yourself. "I don't want to squash you."

"You won't," he shakes his head, his expression eager. "Just... come on."

With a gentle sigh and a nod, you crawl up the bed, scooching along the mattress on your knees until you're beside his head. You grip the headboard for support as you lift a leg, placing it on the other side of his head, situating yourself in a hover over his face. 

"I don't want to hurt you— please tell me if I do," you worry, lifting the hem of your t-shirt to get a better look at him below.

"Promise," he says lowly, placing his hands on the swell of your thighs, slowly guiding your pussy closer.

He lays his tongue flat against the slit of your cunt, an immediate pleased hum muffling into your folds. The warm contact of his tongue makes your thighs tremble and breath hitch, everything feeling new from this heightening position. 

With light pressure, he swipes through your pussy lips, tongue lapping you in a leisure rhythm as the tip of his nose bumps at your clit.

His palms graze over your thighs, reaching up to the crease where he can get a hold of you and push you down onto his face. But you notice his pawing and swat his hands off - raising yourself back into a hover and lifting further away.

Bucky doesn't let you go far before he's pushing you back down, a firm grip on your waist keeping you still. "Stay," he muffles into your cunt, caressing it with slow, sloppy kisses.

He laps at your pussy, burying his tongue further into the wet warmth of you - repeated pleasure-filled groans vibrating against you as you give into the bliss. You finally allow yourself to enjoy the moment without doubt getting in the way - all worry slowly being replaced by euphoria as you sink further onto his face.

Meeting his gaze over the top of your pussy, he gives you a wink - the act like silent praise, him voicelessly applauding you for tuning out the voice in your head. 

With one hand on the headboard, you dip the other down, circling the ache in your clit a few times before moving into the short, dark brown hairs at the top of his head. Tugging on his hair as if you're holding him there.

His grip on your waist trails down, moving back to the plush of your thighs where he squeezes - fingers digging into the doughy flesh. He holds you there, muffling moans against your folds as he coats the insides of his boxers in a sheen of his cum - the taste and feel of you alone, enough to send him over the edge.

You twist your neck, looking over your shoulder to the tented cock in his sweats, his head protruding through the wet patch of where he just came. A breath gets caught in your throat at the lewd image, and it all begins to feel like too much, all your senses consumed in the feeling.

With the knot tightening in your tummy, you feel yourself grow closer to the edge - the soft jerk of your hips indicating the closeness of your climax. Within moments, you're cuming on Bucky's tongue, whining broken and spluttered noises into the air.

He continues to hold you there, making out with your cunt through your orgasm - lapping up everything that seeped out. Letting you smear your juices on the bottom half of his face.

You lift your leg from the other side of his head, moving from his face and flopping backwards onto the bed. Laying heads and tails, completely spent. 

But Bucky follows after you - not letting you get far. And before you have a second to process it, he's back between your legs, lips kissing at the soft plush of your inner thighs.

Poking his head up to look at you, he asks. "One more?"

[theealbatross]

fight the alchemy (s.s)

Plot | After a tumultuous year, Sebastian’s life was finally okay – passable, up-to-scratch, satisfactory. And he had just almost reached peace – when his brilliant, painfully observant, carelessly crude genius of a friend, Garreth Weasley, started pointing out unnecessary facts that could rip all that harmony to shreds.

or, Garreth asks why Sebastian isn’t dating you. Sebastian spirals.

Tags | fluff, sebastian is a thought daughter, low self esteem, seb is a playboy BUT NOT REALLY, horny thots but we keep it pg, insecurity so deep you try to fight cupid, cupid fights back

An Ashwinder’s wand to his neck and Sebastian could honestly and truly say that he was … alright.

Life wasn’t perfect, by any means. His uncle was murdered dead, an estranged twin sister in Paris who refuses to answer his letters, a mistrustful Ominis that breathes on his neck, and a tattered companionship that was barely hanging on by a thread.

But he was okay.

Thankfully, Solomon was still dead, Anne was still alive, and still cranky Ominis is now open to reconciliation. Plus, if all else had fallen, he at least managed to save your cherished friendship thanks to your forgiving nature.

Thus, as thanks to the people who had not yet given up on him, he had sworn to live the rest of his academic life as a meek, unassuming, law-abiding student of Hogwarts.

And he did such a good job at it.

The professors are now impressed at his steadily increasing grades (so much so that the Ravenclaws are now finally seeing him as a threat again) and he even managed to make Imelda’s team as her beater to keep him occupied.

The latter, however, had a grating consequence – he had become popular.

It was thrilling, at first, he went on dates to make up for the years he had lost, kissed the pretty girls because it felt like he should (as one of the few bastards lucky enough to live every raging teenager’s dream), and accepted the slaps on the face politely when they inevitably broke up.

But now he’s just gotten tired and bored of it all.

Ominis says it’s a genius’ folly, to always find a fault in something and then drop it when it doesn’t quite meet his standard of perfect. Leander says he’s just a bastard.

He cups his face with his hand, wincing. Her fucking ring caught on his skin and he can’t be arsed to suffer through the bitterness of a Wiggenweld Potion for a mere scratch.

Garreth doesn’t bother to swallow his bread before saying, “Really, mate? I thought you liked this one?”

“Liked her rack, more likely,” Andrew quipped from his seat on the stone steps of the boathouse.

Sebastian threw his scarf on his face, satisfied at his squawk.

“No talking about my ex-girlfriends,” he warned. It was one of his few rules when it came to his male friends. He may be a bastard but as someone with a sister and a couple of good female friendships, he makes it a point to never become one of those losers who talk badly about women they have a history with. Just so he can have a moral high ground when he beats up anyone who might do it to his friends.

“All right, all right,” Andrew raised his hands in playful surrender, throwing Sebastian’s scarf back to him. “But as your friend, I think it’s about time you stop swapping out girls every time you get bored of them.”

“I don’t swap them out,” he rolls his eyes. “Breakups are normal.”

“Breakups are normal,” Garreth points out. “Six breakups in 2 years is an issue.”

“Maybe I’m just meant for the bachelor life,” he mumbles, ignoring the pointed accusation from Garreth. Fucking perceptive prick. “Not everyone gets to meet their soulmate in Hogwarts, asshole.”

Garreth grins, “Natty’s great, isn’t she?”

Sebastian and Andrew both throw their scarves at him, the three of them bursting out in laughter and boos.

“To the Three Broomsticks, then?” Andrew stood up, patting his pants.

As 7th years it was nearly impossible to take a breather with the looming threat of exams that will dictate the rest of your life and the inescapable trap of adulthood that awaits them in a couple of months. So, his friends had made it a point to at least go out once every week whenever they could, really take advantage of their last year as students where they had no other responsibility but to survive the week.

In a year’s time, seeing each other as often as they do will be nothing short of a miracle.

“Leander and Everett are already there, saved up a table since it’s a Friday, it’s gonna be packed full,” Andrew explains.

Sebastian looks around, eyes scanning the castle in the setting sun. “You go on ahead I’m waiting for –”

“Sebastian!”

A flash of movement appeared rushing down the stairs towards the boathouse, your face beaming as you waved to the three of them. When you were a foot away from him you jumped into his arms, shrieking energetically when he grabbed your waist and lifted you above his head.

“Sorry, I’m late,” you pant, smiling at your friends once you’re back on the ground. “Professor Hecate asked me to stay back for a minute, something about revisions on my research.”

“I can’t believe you got permission to research in The Restricted Section after the crazy nonsense you pulled in 5th year,” Garreth shook his head. Sebastian wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side, beaming in pride. Nobody knows but the two of you that the very thing you were researching were the technicalities of how you broke Anne’s curse so it could be taught to the nurses in St. Mungos and hopefully spread to the rest of wizardkind.

“It’s exactly because I had the nerve to break the rules that I was given the honorable opportunity,” you dramatically curtsied. “And they said Gryffindors were the brave ones.”

That made Sebastian laugh. Garreth blinks, eyes squinting at him for a second but he doesn’t look offended, more … focused on Sebastian.

“Alright, no more of that House Rivalry. Quidditch Season is over,” Andrew quips.

“Wiped your asses there too, Larson,” he quipped, Andrew’s jaw drops, looking at Garreth for help and receiving none. He was still staring at Sebastian, eyes shifting between him and you.

Andrew groans. “Slytherins are assholes.”

Slytherins are, apparently, also light-weights.

Well, at least one of them is.

He adjusts his hold on your body as the other hand wraps his coat around your body properly. After your last ‘improved’ butterbeer you had slumped into his lap, rudely snoozing off on the crook of his neck and refusing to wake up even when it was time for your group to leave – not that he would’ve allowed that to happen, with your demanding research it was a miracle to get you to sleep let alone let loose.

The rest of the group had gone in first to scope the scenery and bribe the patrolling Head students with leftover chips while he and Garreth were stuck carrying you and an unconscious Amit that they had managed to catch last-minute in Hogsmeade. Poor bastard.

“I was thinking –”

“Please don’t,” he groans.

“Why have you two never dated?”

Sebastian stops his fussing, barely able to use his head to ensure he keeps walking, and continue to Act Normal, now using both of his hands to hold you tighter.

“You’re drunk,” he deflects. The puffs of your breath warm his entire body.

“Because! When I think about it …”

Please, for the love of the great Merlin stop thinking.

“You’ve been inseparable from the start! I can’t believe it’s escaped my notice you’ve never dated. You say your past relationships got boring and got annoying but you’ve never been bored and annoyed with her and you’ve been friends for years!”

Bored with you? He’s had more near-fatal heart attacks because of you than breakups. Sebastian barely had the time to be bored. And sometimes you do get at each other’s throats but it was always fixed after a proper conversation. If his killing his uncle couldn’t turn you away then he doubts anything you do could ever turn him away.

“Plus, with all the respect and love to my beautiful darling Natty, she’s a fucking catch, mate!”

If Garreth wasn’t carrying a sinless half-dead Amit, Sebastian would’ve punched him in his mouth just to stop him from talking.

“I’m just saying,” Garreth walks ahead of him, clearly aware of the fuse he had just lit. Sebastian was tempted to kick the back of his knees just for the satisfaction of seeing him fall.  “Maybe you can join the club and find your soulmate in Hogwarts.”

Garreth winks.

“We’re still accepting members.”

He’s decided.

He needs to kill Garreth.

He has not been able to sleep properly for the past week and it’s all because of that ginger prick and his needless remarks.

“Why have you two never dated?”

Sebastian’s pencil cracks in his hand.

“Is he alright?” he hears an underclassman whisper on the other table. He glances at them and they flinch. Quickly, he softens his expression ("You really need to stop scowling at people, Sebastian."), unaware he had glared at them and sent a wary smile in apology. It would just be unfair to aim his ire at innocent people when he could just use it to rip out every strand of Weasley’s hair.

“He’s been staring at that page for an hour. Maybe we should call –”

He stands up, escaping.

Sebastian never realized just how much he spent his time with you until people were looking at him funny when he was walking or sitting alone in public places. At first, he thought there had been crumbs on his face or one of his asshole friends stuck a note on his back like a kid. Plus, he hadn’t been feeling his best since that night but he thought it had been the lack of sleep.

It wasn’t until he had met Imelda on the grounds that he found his answer:

“Where’s the rest of you?”

He blinked at his captain, “I’m sorry?”

She shook her head. “Man, it feels weird seeing you alone. Did you guys have a fight? You’re usually shadowing her like a puppy after class.”

Then everything clicks, the strange looks, the feeling of missing something (like a forgotten important homework after he had reached the top of the Astronomy Tower) – it’s been a side effect of avoiding you.

Okay, it’s not that he’s avoiding you per se. He just needs space. He needs to think and he finds that can’t do that once he feels your eyes on him. With his luck, you’re going to see right through him and that would just be unideal if not a fucking catastrophe.

That’s why he’s taken it upon himself to stay off your way until he puts his thoughts in a row and finally screws his head on straight again. Or he could just kill Garreth, get sent straight to Azakaban, and avoid confronting these complicated thoughts altogether.

“I can’t believe it’s escaped my notice you’ve never dated!”

He sits on a bench, hands on his head as he let out a prolonged groan, “The fucking bastard.”

Why did he have to point it out? Why did Garreth have to bring what he, upon reflection, had buried on the back of his head, just waiting for that one little flick of acknowledgment before it blew his brains out.

Because Sebastian is a lot of things but he’s not a fucking moron.

It’s not that the thought of being together is unpleasant. If he lets himself consider it his chest feels like it would escape his ribcage both in excitement and utter terror.

But Garreth was right: he’d never thought about it before – hadn’t thought the idea was conceivable in this reality.

He has a feeling it was his way of preserving whatever pure relationship he had left. He’s not exactly rich with true companionship and he’s not idiotic enough to risk it all over a bloody crush. 

And not just any crush – his best friend, the person who saved his life and then helped him rebuild it when he was finished smashing it to pieces. The one who never turned her back even when his blood had given up. The girl who has a line of eligible bachelors following her on their knees for a single chance, ones who could offer her more than he ever could – ones who could offer her the world.

So, yeah – forgive him, but he’s never really allowed himself to entertain the idea of them dating. Sebastian has tested his luck enough.

Unless the roles switch and he gets to save the wizarding world this time then maybe … yeah, maybe -- maybe in another fucking life.

The thought makes him stand up, walking straight out of the campus to hopefully drown the sorrows of the depressing state of his love life with the best fire whiskey Hogshead could offer. How does he even move on from this? How does he make peace with the fact that he has sealed his fate of living the rest of his life alone? 

It’s impossible, he’s decided. Even if he graduates at the top of the classes he is taking and gets accepted into the Auror Programme that Sharp had recommended him for, their social standing is still heavens apart. He’s an orphan, with a husk of an extended family and no money to his name.

It wouldn’t matter to you, never really cared for pure bloodlines or lineages and he knows anyone who brings that up when they’re courting you will receive the most disgusted look on your face. 

But he cares – you are the most special person in his life. He wants the best for you. And the best is not something he can provide.

His depressing thoughts halt as his steps falter, a familiar scent tickling his nose. A familiar scent that leads straight into the Forbidden Forest. When he looks up to the sky, he realizes the sun has almost finished setting.

She can’t be that reckless, right?

He was barely surprised when he chanted the incantation that triggered the charm they had both put in their necklaces, the sparkling thread leads straight into the forest. And if he knows you half as well as he thinks he does then he knows exactly where it’s gonna lead to.

There goes his late-night plan.

It isn’t exactly his first jaunt in the forbidden space but it still gives him the creeps especially so close to the night. Why you’re so fond of the place is something he’ll never understand.

But that’s just the way you were, just another part of your quirks that makes you so endearing.

How you throw your head back when you laugh, that you get so cranky when you’re studying that no one dares to approach you but him, even the way you messily eat your favorite chocolate pastry of the week yet never fail to share a piece with him.

With this new revelation, he bitterly accepts the reason for his philandering ways. That he simply is another prick who is coping with not being able to attain the love of his life at the expense of those poor girls.

His self-condemnation however was cut short when he heard the waterfall, not being able to help the smirk on his face when he turned the corner and found you just as he had expected: in the middle of the clear, dark, water, floating carelessly on your back.

Gods, you are a beauty. He’s always thought so, the entire male population in Hogwarts thought so too. If they somehow get to break through your walls and manage to get to know you, he might just have to beat them away with an actual stick.

“Sebastian,” you smile, his heart stops. “I knew you’d find me.”

You swim to him gracefully, barely disturbing the water with only your eyes above the water but there was no hiding the grin in your face. Like a pitiful sailor seduced by a siren, his feet dragged him to the edge, a short ledge above from where you were looking up at him.

“You left your scent on purpose,” he states, kneeling to get a closer look at you. What a beauty – mischievous, cunning, irresistible. He’s never loved anyone more. “Naughty, naughty, darling.”

She pulls herself up the ledge, their faces inches away from each other. He nails his eyes to yours so they wouldn’t be tempted to look down at your soaking figure cloaked only by a thin chemise “I had to get you somehow, knew you couldn’t resist a damsel in distress.”

“Funny,” he softly glares, chuckling when she preens, clearly satisfied that her plan worked perfectly. “With all the water in the Black Lake, you had to pick the Forbidden Forest to swim in.”

You dip yourself back down in the water, swimming away but still facing him. “Come, Sebastian. I’ve been bored all week since you’ve been avoiding me.”

Guilt runs through his spine at the sudden coldness in your offhanded comment. Clearly, his absence hasn’t escaped your notice as he had hoped.

Like a scolded pup, he follows your command to a T. Eyes never leaving your floating figure as he removed his coat, folding it neatly along with the rest of his clothes until he was left in his underclothes.

He winces at the touch of the freezing water. A heating charm would do wonders but the way your unsympathetic eyes never left his figure gave him a feeling that this was a punishment he was meant to endure.

He steels himself, diving into the water and only resurfacing when he is right in front of you. “You called?”

“You’re so fucking full of yourself,” you splash the cold water at him, shrieking when he reaches out for your arms and barely managing to slip away.

He dives again, grinning at your confused flounder, until you realize your mistake, looking down just as he catches your waist, your surprised shriek, and his unrestrained laughter breaks through the quiet of the forest.

“You done running now, pet?” he locks his hands on your back, pushing you close until he is carrying both your weight in the water, chin resting on your chest as your hands run through his soaking hair.

Your darkened hair frames your face, like a sheer curtain it drops, teasing his cheeks, and hiding your conversation from the rest of the forest – in the dimness, your eyes have never been more radiant, even if it was clearly pissed at him.

Skinship wasn’t foreign between the two of you. When you’ve saved each other’s lives from certain death more times than you care to count, cuddling is the least of your worries.

But there is something about the forest's silence, the sparse moonlight that peaks through the dense trees, the sound of the droplets falling from your hair to the water, and the distant echoes of the animals that make everything intimate. -- more intimate than usual.

“Are you?” you throw his question back at him mercilessly, your hands on the back of his neck, locking his face to look up at you – finally at you. The weeklong separation had been torture and now that the distance had cut his regular contact with his favorite witch, he finally realized how fast his heart was beating when he was around her.

He smiles.

He was satisfied, he swore he was.

Sebastian’s life was finally okay – passable, up-to-scratch, satisfactory. He shouldn’t strive for more, couldn’t allow himself that luxury – the luxury of love, the luxury of you.

But as he stares at your eyes, as he feels the ice in your skin, as he imagines a future where it wasn't him that gets to bite the plump of your lips – that dirty, greedy part of him crawls out of the hole he had shoved it in.

He feels it win.

“Are you done running now?” you whisper, a droplet falls from the tip of your nose to the space just below his eyes, his breath hitches, like your magnetic presence had sucked out all the air of the forest.

“I wasn’t running,” she raises a brow, and Sebastian presses his lips to your ears. “I was thinking.”

“And?”

Leander was right: he really is a bastard.

But he’s a bastard who will no longer wait for another life to love you. He's a bastard who will get what he wants.

“I think,” he whispers, at peace. “I think I’m gonna marry you someday.”

[theminecraftbee]

actually while i’m on an analysis and also bigb train i want to talk a little about the bigb/cleo relationship because. it’s VERY EASY to just read it as “bigb betrayed cleo that one time three seasons ago and cleo has never forgiven him for this” but there’s way more to it than that and it’s so fascinating i want to shake them around like maracas.

like, okay, the initial betrayal is as much a failure to communicate as it is an actual betrayal. cleo says that if bigb had just TOLD HER she would have let him, and I believe this (loyalty is an extremely consistent cleo trait). however JUST EARLIER THAT SESSION she’d also been talking about how she wouldn’t trust someone with the boogeyman curse and can’t believe someone would betray their allies. bigb heard that, decided he couldn’t tell cleo (because she’d hate him for it), and panicked himself right into a corner where he ended up doing the thing that was WAY WORSE for that relationship. also left out is that part of why cleo got that mad wasn’t even bigb’s fault; she was ALSO mad because lizzie and ren sided with him over her, and she felt betrayed by everyone at once. which she then pinned on bigb. meanwhile, while bigb apologized, he never let go of the idea that he'd had no other choice, and never really addressed the unstated hurt of 'cleo also felt like her friends had been turned against her', so it never rang as sincere to cleo. so like, more going on there than just a betrayal!

but like, let’s talk about their relationship after that, shall we?

on cleo’s end, she’s a character who tends to hold on to relationships across seasons, for better and for worse. the widow’s alliance basically never ending; martyn and cleo and their inability to be normal about each other; cleo and etho’s quiet understanding; and, as one of these important tentpoles, bigb and cleo being unable to trust each other. she carried that hurt with her into the few interactions they had in double life, and that in turn helped to color everything else. see, cleo doesn't just hold on to relationships; she holds grudges, and bigb is the ultimate target of that. unlike some of her potential grudges, she's never had a scenario where she and bigb were on the same side in order to temper the grudge. she's also never gotten the boogey curse herself, making it even harder for her to temper it and understand.

so, even after things like limited life where she's started to be less Immediately Angry the moment she feels betrayed (thank you scar for being kind of a moron and getting cleo that lesson), she still holds on to the last life version of bigb in her head. also, because of that, it makes it easy for her to just... continue perpetuating that. she shuns bigb and assumes he has some reason she needs revenge again. that, in turn, pushes bigb to doing another thing she needs revenge for, so she tries to get it, so they keep spiraling downwards in a cycle of mistrust, because cleo has also made herself untrustworthy to bigb.

meanwhile, on bigb's end... he tried to apologize and she wouldn't take it! she sees all of this as an irrational grudge on cleo's part, and there's been very little to discount that. but also because bigb has a tendency to go off and do his own thing and hold himself apart from people, he has made very little effort to meaningfully fix this. in fact, because he assumes cleo will continue to hold a grudge, he continues to treat her a bit like an enemy, continuing to provoke her at multiple opportunities.

he can't make that relationship WORSE, after all, so there's no reason NOT TO continue to mess with her. she'll never trust him, so there aren't real consequences if he keeps burning her, because the only consequence is that she'll just continue to never trust him, right? it's a simple relationship! and in some ways it's comforting, even; cleo is someone he can never mess up with, because that bridge is already burnt.

and ironically? this makes their relationship surprisingly stable. they will KEEP ON sticking knives in each other, of course. even when they don't have a good reason for it, cleo will assume bigb must have done something and bigb will assume cleo will hate him anyway. but in turn, i think they VERY MUCH know where they stand with each other. and tragically, that means neither of them have an incentive to try to fix this. they're both very, very entrenched in how they see each other now, and either of them will see any attempted olive branches as another place for everything to go wrong. they're cleo and bigb, who don't trust each other because bigb killed her one time, forever. that's who they are. that's how they see each other. and it's not just because that happened; it's because they keep reinforcing it, over and over and over again, in a way that makes communicating that they could stop nearly impossible.

that and i think cc!bigb and cc!cleo out of character really enjoy continuing to have their cubitos have a stupid irrational grudge on each other because they think it's funny but that's unrelated to the character analysis,

[aphel1on]

Thinking again about how thistle never trusted that demon mfer from day one. okay maybe VERY early on - there's a panel that shows him cuddling the lion cub, and another where it's hanging out with the family - but he became suspicious of it quite quickly. He is speaking to it harshly by the time it is half grown. Then at some point he spirals into (justified) paranoia and seals it away.

i'm just so FASCINATED by that!!! it's so different from the relationship that any of the other dungeon lords have with the demon. where did the lion fuck up? what made thistle's relationship with it go sour, when it was able to keep pretty much every other lord we know of hoodwinked until the very last moment?

tbh i think thistle was just a challenge uniquely unsuited to the lion's Manipulation 101. he was already pretty fucked up, psychologically speaking, by the time the demon got to him. by then, as a rule, i think thistle already just Didn't Trust. he drew a circle around himself and the melini family and anyone outside that was suspect. he cared about the other citizens of the Golden Kingdom, but mostly as an extension of his devotion to the royal family. (the mistrust there was mutual; they didn't trust him even before he locked them in a dungeon, as seen from their fearful/near hostile reaction when he resurrected one of them.) probably this is a function of A) whatever early childhood trauma lead to him being presented to the melinis as a nameless familyless child and B) watching freinag get assassinated right in front of him.

so when even the slightest thing seemed out of place with the lion he was like Hm, no. sus. Tome for you for one thousand years!!!

[cringefailvox]

Yooo you have an Alastor + Vaggie-centric AU 👀👀👀 what are some of the details if you don’t mind me asking jagsjajhsjsk

OKAY SO. back in april, birdsaretoddlers and i were talking about the potential hilarity of a vaggie/charlie/alastor poly dynamic and then we accidentally got way too into vaggie/alastor as a concept, which spiraled into a whole au that has unfortunately not left the discord server but MAYBE. SOMEDAY......

the barest bones of it are essentially that vaggie represents everything that alastor finds most pathetic & baffling in other people: dogged, singular loyalty to a cause & a person based on sheer loving devotion, with no ulterior motives or plans beyond protecting and supporting that person. and of course she rubs him the wrong way extremely frequently, just as much as he gets on her nerves. she's nearly codependent with charlie while alastor would rather chew off his own foot than be tethered to someone in that way. he's the type of sinner who exemplified vaggie's mission as an exorcist, the kind of demon she wouldn't have thought twice about cutting down because he clearly deserves it. he's never felt remorse in his life and vaggie has been walking on her knees for a thousand miles in the desert repenting since the day she fell. they are diametrically opposed.

AND YET. alastor recognizes a lot of his own traits in her as well! she's guarded, secretive, violent, has a lot of trust issues, and possessive of what she considers hers. alastor knows exactly what that's like. but vaggie is mystifying to him, because he cannot for the love of g-d understand what kind of sentimental nonsense could drive her to recklessly put her life on the line for charlie over and over and over again, with no regard for her own safety and NO other motivations besides?? LOVE??? sounds fake but ok.

vaggie also sees some of herself in alastor too, as much as it rankles—she's reminded viscerally of herself in the early days after losing her wings and her eye, suspicious and traumatized and deeply mistrustful of charlie's good intentions. couldn't even fathom that kindness could be genuine in hell. she looks at alastor and all of his trust issues and decides "redeeming this guy is impossible, but i really think i could at least get him to stop biting," you know, like you'd think about a reactive shelter dog who keeps growling at your handful of treats. you'll never be able to take that dog out in public without a lot of precautions and low expectations, but at least at home, it'll trust you not to hurt it if it lays its head in your lap.

for alastor's part, his whole interest in vaggie starts off as a way to cuddle up to charlie (and piss off lucifer), but he rapidly gets way too invested because there's no such thing as doing anything ironically for long, and it's kind of his Move, yk? he worms relentlessly into someone's life until he firmly has their attention, and then when he realizes he's in too deep and tries to withdraw and they cling, he's like "?? leave me alone??" (bird: "the ol vox special gets him literally nowhere") but now VAGGIE is invested too bc she's reluctantly fond of this creepy weirdo who eats deer carcasses in his room and for some reason let adam almost kill him defending the hotel, he doesn't get to just crawl away and die from his injury now that she's finally starting to like his freak ass. of course alastor is a nightmare patient and vaggie's bedside manner is atrocious so they're really bad at it. but they're trying and that's what matters!!

(also, charlie is weeping with joy in the background of all of this—her two biggest supporters, getting along!! kind of!! she's so proud of them both!!!! [alastor has completely forgotten that this venture started off as a way to manipulate charlie. get polycule'd, idiot]).

hopefully one day we'll manage to turn this into an actual fic, but for now enjoy these highlights :]

[bekkachaos]

WIP Wednesday 🚧

tagged by the lovely @spotsandsocks and @bi-buckrights 💕

from the addict Buck and spiralling Eddie fic, the new beast I'm working on!

Eddie just eyed him and tried not to let the furrow set in his brow. He was trying to decide whether or not he thought Buck was trying to bait him into taking a swing at him with all his sharp comments, he was looking back expectantly, waiting for Eddie to counter his serve. It was a game to him, and Eddie wasn't sure what they were playing for.

"How about I buy you dinner," he said finally, and Buck almost recoiled as he stared back at him with eyes full of mistrust.

"What?" he asked, maybe the first time he didn't have something smart to say back.

"You know, if you wanted a meal," he watched the way Buck turned his eyes away and let out a little huff of an exhale through his nose without looking back at him. "There's a pretty good diner around the corner, they do a decent burger—"

"Or you could just give me the cash," Buck interrupted, his eyes rolling lazily over to Eddie. "Save you the effort."

"Thought you were hungry."

"You saying you don't think I'll use the money to buy food?"

Eddie shook his head and kept his mouth shut. Buck was jutting his chin outwards at him like he was waiting for Eddie to snap and walk away. But Eddie could be stubborn too.

"You want a meal, or not?" he asked.

Buck was just looking back at him, contemplative and with a slight tilt of his head. They could stand in silence for an awkwardly long time as far as Eddie was concerned, he wasn't going to beg this guy to come for a meal.

"Can I get a milkshake?" Buck said finally, a smirk curling at the corner of his lip in a way that made Eddie roll his eyes.

"Come on," he nodded back out towards the main strip as he turned around.

He wasn't about to let Buck see the smile on his mouth, even if it was only there a fleeting moment.

tagging these lovelies if they have things to share x

@monsterrae1 @the-likesofus @eddiebabygirldiaz @dr-shortsighted-owl @elvensorceress @lonelychicago @wildlife4life @jackluvsdaniel @belovedbuddie @bidisasterevankinard @wh0rebehavi0r @thewolvesof1998 @weewootruck @daffi-990 @spagheddiediaz @honestlydarkprincess @loveyouanyway @diazsdimples @steadfastsaturnsrings @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @jesuisici33

[sol-consort]

Do you see Wrex and shepard together? Because I low-key think they have like sexual chemistry

OH BOY DO I!

It starts as enemies to firends to lovers, but then quickly spirals into forbidden love territory once he acquires the throne.

Remember that first meeting scene in ME1?

When the Citadel C-sec were too intimidated by Wrex to even dare and hold him down? The krogan assumes all humans tend to cower in front of someone his size.

How Shepard literally marches in there, calls him by his first name, then offers to shake his hand so casually? Full of confidence and poise? Not afraid to meet his eyes.

Yeah, that scene? Every single pixel is flooded with sexual and romantic tension.

Both Paragon and Renegade Shepard have the best chemistry with Wrex full stop.

The scene after it where Wrex deliberately disobeys Paragon Shep command to spare this guy's life, shooting him in the head because "he had a contract" Testing the limit to what this human allows him to get away with, pushing boundaries.

How Shep immediately snaps at him, addressing him down as a commander still despite him disrespecting your authority.

Showing him that this isn't the way things work around here, you won't tolerate this act from him a second time. He already used his one chance, and he better be on his best behaviour going forward.

Genuinely catching Wrex off-guard, he never expected the humans to have barks, let alone the power to follow it with bite. A part of him is even a little ashamed of his action, but he'd rather die than apologise to a human he just met, so he just gives a vague promise not to do it again.

Which might seem small, but to a contractual killer krogan who never trusted a single soul ever since he left his planet young, it's so much more.

The first building blocks to the long bridge of trust being established between them was set by Wrex.

And if you finish his target alone without bringing him along, what does Wrex do? He pays you. He hands you what he views as your rightful share for aiding with his job.

It's established early on that Wrex has honour, he has pride and more self-awareness that anyone would ever expect of him. He keeps his temper in control, is more cunning and logical than people expect of a "krogan"

How he doesn't hesitate to leave a situation when something feels off, his intuition and gut feeling had saved his life countless times.

-

You keep trying to have small talks with him whenever you come down to the dock of your ship, and he just doesn't understand why.

What are your intentions? Is it just curiosity from him being the first Korgan you see? Or are you just digging for information out of mistrust, doubting his abilities as a capable mercenary.

He always hated the employers who kept peering over his shoulders, poking their nose into things that do not concer them.

The job you assigned him will get done, stop bothering him.

In fact, that's why he shares the story about his previous employers. The various times he was ruthless just to get a job done, even when he had to face a friend in combat. Painting himself as a hardened soul.

...so why are you looking at him like that?

See? He has no heart, in fact, despite the three pumping in his chest. So are you convinced yet?

Yes, he is the epitome of the big, strong scary Korgan. The same one all the other species warned you so much about.

Instead of being impressed, intimidated, or both. You look at him with concern, as if he's a bird with broken wings that fell into your palm.

You inquire about his homeplanet.

The usual bitterness that threaten to come out in a pile upwards his throat each time he retells this story...is less severe this time around. It's easier to get out, to go more into details around you.

You never interrupt him, you let him talk. Thoughtfully listening, only speaking when it's your turn.

He doesn't know what to say.

By the end, you...apologise.

For someone to finally acknowledge the wrongs that have been done against his own kind, the injustice the krogans continue to suffer to this day.

A salarian would've gone into a long tangent about why it was a necessary evil, an asari would've offered faux pity before reminding him of the shiny statue in the citadel as if that makes up for the billions of krogan stillborns every year. A turian would've acted as this was a righteous punishment, that krogans should never be trusted until they prove they're capable of civility.

But you, human...Shepard, apologised.

Next time you stop by, he doesn't know why he even brings up the family crest. The rotten armour has been buzzing at the back of his mind like an annoying fly.

Wrex just blurted it out, his tongue loose around you for some reason, something he noticed but was still in denial about–either way, you make a promise to retrieve it.

He snorts.

Okay, he'll believe it when he sees it, Shep.

...

..

.

Standing there in front of the platinum wall locker, Wrex claws tremble as he opens the door. The urge to dislodge the thing from its hinges gnaws at the back of his mind, but he resists it. He knows better than to risk damaging the container of what's supposed to be a centuries old piece of armour.

He can't fucking believe his eyes.

It's there, in his hand. As ugly and vile smelling as he imagined.

And you by his side, you pawny little human who invaded this base like a storm, what a deadly force you are.

For the first time in decades, Wrex is hopeful again. Shepard reignited the flame of determination that always were inside him, the same snuffed out so cruelly by his father that forsaken day.

-

He followed you to Virmire, fully ready to risk his life for your cause. Not out of some obligation or contractual work, but because he believed in it, he believed in you, commander.

So why can't you extend him the same courtesy? Why must you oppose him when a cure is practically at the tip of his fingers?

It pains him as he raises the gun, the same sting he felt the day he drove the knife into his father's chest, the same despair wrangling his heart the day he put a bullet through his only friend's skull.

You expressed your sympathy for the tragedy of his people, didn't you? Or was it just a game of pretend to gain his trust?

So why can't you understand!

You of all people! He thought you would understand better than anyone.

But he doesn't pull the trigger.

You raise your gun, both of you know it won't do shit against him. A krogan shell can endure many bullets before any real damage is done, your squishy skin however? Yeah, not so much so.

No. The gun was akin to a flare instead. Gives a good reason for your crew to come running to your aid, for the salarian special unit to herald a shower of bullets upon him under the guise of "defending the human soldiers"

It will spell his doom in a much more painful way than the simple bullet he planned to plant directly into your heart ever could've.

The singular delicate human heart, how small it must be inside your chest. Yet this one fragile organ infected his three sturdy hearts with its determination.

How you risked your one heart for him that day you helped him retrieve his family crest.

Wrex...

is tried.

Beyond anything, he is so tried and sick of constantly fighting all the time.

He lowers his gun.

Yet the soldiers around you don't lower theirs until you do.

He tries not to let it get under his skin.

He fails.

Swallowing his pride, Wrex recollects the remains of his dignity. He must be in control of his emotions, never show too much fury, otherwise the world will weaponise it against him, claiming this is exactly why krogans don't deserve to join the rest of the galaxy yet.

They can choke on his dick.

-

There are just so many other scenes! I can go on forever.

The biggest one of them all, Grunt and how his whole mission could be interpreted as the best romance subplot between Wrex and Shepard.

Shep finds a Krogan teen who's going through puberty and what's your next course of action? Take him to his homeplanet and visit your ex the Krogan you may or may not have had a situationship with, the one you inspired to change his entire life, to go make a difference in the world.

Shep is Wrex's biggest muse, a nymph from the woods that flipped his world upside down. More deadly and dangerous than all the other warriors he has ever seen, as determined and inspiring as the greatest leaders. The krogan equivalent of a warrior angel.

And what does he do when this Valkyrie whom he thought had died walks back into his life so casually?

He is absolutely rejoiced. Couldn't give less of a shit about Cerberus or anything. Shepard is still Shepard, and you're here, alive, well, in front of him. As gorgeous as the day he lost you.

Not only that, but you came with a child. And you're asking him for guidance and help on raising him? Shepard, you shouldn't toy with a man's heart this much. Otherwise, he'll get the wrong impression.

Wrex practically treats Grunt as his own son and adopts him by the end of the mission. Not only that, but there is a big chance the "mating request" sent in for Shepard afterwards was actually Wrex's.

You get to play family for a day. Your son is just as powerful as you are. Wrex gets a glimpse of what it would've been like to raise him by your side, the life he could've had with Shepard.

But he cannot, he has obligations, ones he actually likes this time around. The krogans need a leader, the planet needs restoration. It's time to take responsibility for the state of his homeworld and not just chalk it up to "how krogans always were" Because that's simply not true.

The women remember it, their art, history, and beautiful complex culture. The men have gone senile with the war, Wrex needs to beat some sense into them. He'll drag all the clans with him to a better life whether they like it or not

And part of him...well. He knows you're the one he wants most, but is he the one you really want? Everyone in your crew is already drooling over you, Wrex is more dignified than to be just another obnoxious suiter chasing after you.

Not to mention, it's part of his job to get married to a krogan so the clans get another leader. You're a human, it will never work out. You have your own life, your own obligations and mission to save the galaxy.

It makes his dream to restore his planet pale in comparison, but Wrex isn't so fragile in his security that he'd get intimidated by that. If anything, it makes him yearn for you even more, admire you whole, impressed by your every achievements that outweigh his, rather than trying to dampen your blinding brightness.

Maybe, in the–hopefully near–future, your children and his can play together on this very same land. But instead of rubble, it will be grassy fields, you and Wrex taking a stroll in the gardens nearby while watching over both of your kids.

And for a moment, Wrex can close his eyes and pretend the ring pressing gainst his skin as he holds your hand, is a one that he gave you.

Would it be Wrex Shepard or would you prefer the Urdnot lastname?

Don't tell him.

He'd rather dream.

He earned it, after all that he sacrificed and everything gave in order to restore the glory to his people, he earned the right to dream.

[alpaca-clouds]

Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD

You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).

Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?

CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.

While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.

PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).

CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.

It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.

Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.

And, oh look, it is Astarion lol

Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.

Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.

Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)

He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.

His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.

And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.

He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.

You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.

But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.

When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.

The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.

Just, you know... A heads up.

[norosesnolife]

| Am I writing yet another safe for work sleepover story? Why, yes, yes, I am.

✬ began at 9:48 P.M. on July 3rd | word count: 4,083 ✬

Anxiety was spiraling again.

Which was normal. Being one bad thought away from a downward spiral was Anxiety’s default setting. It was a wonder Joy hadn’t become so annoyed with her that she sent her away to the Vault, or worse, the Memory Dump. Lost to wander the hills of dissolving memories until she either went insane or wound up fragmenting enough to become apart of the subconscious.

Now, nobody had quite been expecting Joy to forgive her as quickly as she had. Sadness had mumbled some explanation about Core Memories, “Bing Bong”’s, and scary clowns, but Anxiety hadn’t quite understood it all.

Sure, had she tried to rid Riley of all her core personality traits and reshape her into someone bett- no, more well-adjusted and prepared? Yes. Had she nearly destroyed all of Riley’s personal relationships out of her obsessive fear of never being enough? Also, yes.

But that didn’t mean she hadn’t tried her best to make up for her mistakes and appeal to Joy and all of Riley's older, more important emotions.

Despite being assured that all emotions made mistakes- Anger had went on a lengthy boasting session about the time Riley broke a window while playing street hockey with a group of kids- Anxiety couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t doing enough to redeem herself.

Joy needed someone to evaluate memories and take note of any faulty engineering around Headquarters? Anxiety was on it with a clipboard and toolkit.

Sadness needed a helping hand in remembering something from Manuel Two-Hundred and Seventy-Six: The Cerebellum’s Motor Movement Functions, Chapters Eight through Eleven? Anxiety had the entire cerebral encyclopedia memorized, with flash cards!!

Even whenever Disgust constantly tried to ween herself off Dream Duty, Anxiety was there with an energy drink (Joy had forcibly tried to get her off the stuff, but old habits died hard) and a pillow for her neck.

Yes, she had done it all, but it still wasn’t enough. She still felt that sinking pit in the deep of her essence whenever she suggested an idea- which was becoming fewer and fewer with each passing day.

Anxiety could feel the hesitation, the mistrust, in their eyes whenever she got a little too handsy with the Console. How Joy would scurry forward to gently pull her hands away from the buttons. How Envy and Disgust were wary to leave her alone without supervision. How could she ever be a good enough emotion for Riley when all she was capable of doing was ruining her life?

Certainly, Joy’s “special chair” was great in the heat of a moment when the stress got to be too much. The vibrations made the edges of Anxiety’s form become blurry, thousands of tiny tangerine dots rippling around her, scattered like her thoughts. And the tea was nice. But one could become so tired of tea, especially since the only flavour Disgust allowed in the cupboard was lemon and honey green tea (“all those other types of tea are toxic to our minds and bodies”).

So, while the chair was nice in a pinch, it wasn’t a cure-all to Anxiety’s never-ending spiral of obsessive thoughts. She could tell Joy tried to understand this, but it never seemed to fully stick- she still tried to “happy” away all of Anxiety's worries away.

Now, long after Riley had fallen asleep, Anxiety remained awake, having suffered through a dreamless hour and a half, pacing in front of the window, incapable of escaping the onset of, well, anxiety overwhelming her. Her lanky body scurried across the floor, feet moving at such a pace that they appeared like the frames of a cartoon.

Riley had a good day, all things considered. She had aced her Spanish test (celebraciones!), made plans for an exciting sleepover with Bree and Grace for the upcoming spring break; and managed to begin talking with a school counselor about her negative thoughts. She had gone to sleep without much fuss, after some math homework and an exhilarating game of UNO with her parents, leaving her emotions to sleep without worry.

Well, mostly without worry. Despite the day having been another great day for Riley, Anxiety had spent most of it wired about the results of the Spanish test, or fretting over Bree’s lower-case-only text messages while they planned the sleepover. It had been weighing on her all day, but all that Joy had suggested was to “think positive,” sit in her chair, and have Embarrassment hug her until the results came in for certain.

It had been nice in the moment, but, again, it still came back to bother Anxiety later on.

The orange emotion pulled at her feathery hair, tugging it down over her eyes as she moaned and groaned, trying desperately to keep it down. She did not want to wake anyone and burden them with her train of paranoia, especially not now that she was so close to being one of them. Whatever they called themselves- a family, a support system, a group of friends, coworkers- regardless, Anxiety desperately wanted to be as close as they all seemed to be without putting as much effort as she was into it.

Her teeth overlapped over her bottom lip as she chewed it anxiously, mind racing. She could have easily screwed everything up had she been close to the console while the teacher handed back their test results! What if she gave Riley another attack? What if she hadn’t prepared her enough for the potential of failure? Had Riley been breathing normally when the teacher passed by her desk? Had the other students noticed her tense body language, and, if so, what would they think of her? Was she an anxious mess in their eyes?!!

UGH!! Why didn’t Joy just banish her already?! The stress of waiting for it to happen was making Anxiety’s life miserable! It was clear that she didn’t help anything, not like the others. Even Ennui allowed Riley to remain cool under stressful situations- why couldn’t Anxiety just be like that?

She slapped her fist flat against her head in frustration, trying out the self-stimulating movements she had been reading about in Manuel Eight: Neurodiversity in the Mindscape. It certainly helped relieve a bit of the tension, although now her head was sore.

The temperature in Headquarters had risen significantly due to the speed at which Anxiety was pacing about, the papers stacked on the shelves fluttering as she continued to circle in front of the window. She now gnawed on the tips of her fingers, so deeply entrenched in her spiral that she hardly noticed the lithe figure sluggishly limping down the stairs from their sleeping quarters.

It had been too warm for Ennui to sleep, enough that she dragged herself from her loft, loathing every second she forced herself to move down the stairs at the pace of a wounded animal. Despite the effort it took to leave her bed, Ennui paused when she saw the orange creature pacing around in front of the window, little wisps of electricity trailing after her.

While Anxiety thought she was alone in her fears, the others had noticed her recent decline. Ennui and Envy had found a stray can of energy drink tucked away behind Fear’s box of stuffed animals. They had told the others, but it had been resolved not to outwardly say anything in hopes that Anxiety would feel comfortable enough to reach out- even though Joy had really wanted to take matters into her own hands.

To be honest, the two had forgotten about the meeting in the past month. Envy’s attention span was short, and Ennui had needed a nap afterwards, becoming exhausted by having done anything at all. So, perhaps this was partially their doing.

It had been clear that the new emotion struggled to articulate herself in making decisions, slipping back in to her controlling habits whenever a negative situation presented itself in Riley’s day-to-day life. Even Fear could see that she was more high-strung than himself, his admiration for her preparation skills outweighed by his concern for her well being.

They had all thought she would grow more comfortable with their dynamic and stop being so afraid to open up, now that it had been almost three months, but this did not appear to be the case.

Now, standing off to the side, dressed in an orchid sleep shirt and sweatpants, Ennui yawned, fingers itching for her telephone. She slumped down the rest of the stairs as the temperature rose with every step towards the restless emotion, who had not yet noticed her.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat, voice gravelly. Anxiety did not respond, continuing to pace. Ennui resisted the urge to roll her eyes, groaning as she raised her voice.

“AHEM.”

This time, Anxiety did stop, blinking multiple times in succession to stare, mouth agape, at the purple emotion, who merely yawned in response. Her mouth opened and closed a few more times, before she spoke, voice cracking.

“E-Ennui! I did not see you there. Why, ah, why are you awake?”

She waved a hand vaguely around the Control Room, mustering just enough energy to push her bangs away from her eyes, as though this made things clear. “Too hot to sleep.”

Anxiety’s shoulders tensed and then slumped as she realized her pacing had significantly changed the temperature in Headquarters. She felt her face warm. “Sorry.”

“Pas de probleme. I don’t really care. I don’t sleep much anyways.” Gliding over next to Anxiety, Ennui scratched absentmindedly at her face, giving the shorter emotion a look from the corner of her eye. Despite her lethargic nonchalance, Ennui knew the tricks in talking Anxiety down from her obsessions in her own special way.

As expected, Anxiety’s shoulders dropped, and she fiddled with her hands, looking out the window at the labyrinth of long-term memories. Her expression was unreadable, eyebrows knitted together as she thought and thought and thought. Ennui, unlike herself, pushed a bit more.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Ah, nothing. Don’t worry about it- that’s my job, haha!” She forced a laugh, tucking her hands into her armpits with a jerky movement. Ennui raised an eyebrow.

“….”

Anxiety slumped, “Fine. I was just…reviewing the events of today. I didn’t mean to wake you up- I could try making some origami figures again, if that’s quieter- “

“Non. We should talk.” The words escaped Ennui’s mouth before she could stop them, and she inwardly sighed. All she wanted to do was lie down, and yet, here she was, emotionally bonding. Wasn’t this Joy’s job?

Although she could technically care less, a part of Ennui did genuinely want to make sure Anxiety was okay. She could be… nice, if she was bothered enough. It wasn’t like she was heartless; she just didn’t have the energy to fret about most things like everyone else.

“Talk? About what? Today was great! Riley aced her Spanish test; she can’t wait to do karaoke with Bree and Grace; and she even won at UNO! She never wins! What is there to worry about- except for the fact that Bree seemed upset with us for no apparent reason, we tripped in front of Mx. Whittman and nearly knocked over their favourite plant, that dog on the walk home could have bitten us or ruined our new jeans and Joy thinks I’m a worthless emotion and honestly I agree but I can’t say anything otherwise she’ll hate me and-“

Anxiety’s rambling was cut off by Ennui slumping forward to place a hand on her shoulder, her deep indigo eyes staring tiredly at the other. She felt her face warm again, and she stopped speaking, only the smallest squeak escaping.

“Tranquille. I think we need to wake Joy.”

“What?! No, we can’t wake her up! She already had enough of me, and I don’t want to annoy her anymore than I already have.”

But Anxiety’s protests were ignored by Ennui walking away, her form bobbing slightly with every step forward. She was given no time to prepare or protest or run away and hide herself under the couch before Joy- and the others- were entering the Control Room, all dressed in their pyjamas and looking rather sleepy- but somehow not utterly annoyed.

Joy yawned, stretching her arms above her head. Her blue eyes looked at Anxiety, who practically cowered before her, with a mixture of concern and preparation. So many nights had unraveled in a similar way. Anxiety did not know the whole truth, but Joy was also struggling to manage herself, her own controlling impulses. There were days when all she wanted to do was scream and yell and push everyone else aside to have Riley all to herself. Days where someone got on her nerves and she wanted to eject them from Headquarters to save herself a headache. But these thoughts didn’t help anyone, not Riley, not the other emotions, not even Joy herself.

So, this was why she was working on being less annoyed with Anxiety. Learning to trust her more, even when it was hard. This was why she mustered a sleepy smile, not a fake smile or an attempt at pushing the negative away, just a smile that said “what do you need?”

“Hey. I heard you were having trouble sleeping?”

Anxiety rubbed her arm, avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. I, uhm, making plans and lists didn’t help, and your chair was nice, but it only made me zone out and focus more on my thoughts...”

Envy, who had waddled over to stand beside Anxiety, placed a tiny hand on her leg, offering a big smile. “I'm having trouble sleeping, too! It's hard to adjust to new things, right?”

Anxiety nodded, “Yeah. It is, and I feel so... so different from you guys. I don’t know how I can help Riley when all I do is mess things up.” She looked down at the floor, shuffling her socks on the sleek tile.

What she didn’t see was Joy share a smile with Disgust, or Anger, or Fear, or Sadness. She couldn’t see how even Ennui managed a crooked smirk, or how Embarrassment beamed. Anxiety didn’t know that they had all felt similar thoughts at one point or another, that she was less alone than she thought.

“Anxiety, you don’t mess everything up,” Joy began, clasping her hands together.

“Yeah! You help her make plans and manage her time efficiently, even down to the minute. I wish I had your management skills!” Fear joined in, his teddy bear clutched close to his chest.

“Besides, if you weren’t here, who would keep us in check about all the boring stuff nobody remembers?” Anger gruffly added.

“Or help us remember to keep things around Headquarters running smoothly?” Disgust, looking at her nails, offered her own sly smile.

Sadness, who had moved to stand beside Envy, nodded and patted Anxiety on the back. “Sometimes, it is hard to feel as though you’re helping Riley… you feel small and worthless, right?” Anxiety nodded.

Joy, realizing where she was going with this, nodded and chimed in, “-But, if Riley didn’t need you, you wouldn’t be here with all of us. We love you, just like we love Riley. None of us are perfect- “Disgust raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing. “- but that is why we all need to work together, to keep each other in check!”

“Yeah! Could you imagine if Anger was always in control?” Elated laughter bubbled up from Fear’s chest, nudging the red emotion with his elbow, which resulted in him being punched in the arm.

“Pssh. She’d probably kill someone if that was the case,” he shrugged, barely concealing a prideful smile.

“Exactly!” Joy pointed to emphasize her point, relieved that they could finally find something to agree on without the incessant bickering that typically followed. “The point is, Anxiety, we’re a team.”

She knelt down, placing a hand on Anxiety’s shoulder, “All we have is each other, so no more secrets, okay?” Anxiety sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye. “Which means, no more hidden energy drinks around Headquarters, got it?” This made the orange emotion laugh, more so out of nervousness than anything else.

“Good! Glad we got that sorted!” Joy backed up, standing up straight, but she couldn’t help but smile ruefully as Anxiety yawned, her eyelids drooping. All of the energy had been sucked out to fuel her thought spiral, and now she was more exhausted than anything else.

Envy perked up, gesturing for Joy to lift her up. She whispered something excitedly, and Joy beamed. “What a wonderful idea, Envy! I’m jealous I didn’t think of that first!” This made the little turquoise girl bubbly with pride, and she hopped away to enact her plan.

While Anxiety stood still, head drooping forward as she tried to remain awake, the other emotions retreated to their sleeping quarters, retrieving pillows, blankets, nightlights, and stuffed animals to pile up in the control room. Embarrassment constructed a makeshift fort out of the pillows and blankets, while Disgust plugged a lavender-scented diffuser into the Console.

Anxiety blinked quickly, seeing the cozy structure as she snapped out of her reverie. She was confused, and hesitant, and raised a finger in protest.

“Wh-What is this? What about Dream Duty? Your beds? I don’t wanna impose-“

Anger waved an arm dismissively, adjusting his boxer shorts with the other hand, “Eh, they’ve got the night off down at Dream Productions. They’ve been doin’ this new 'one day on, one day off' schedule, which means we all gotta adjust to their stupid idea.” He narrowed his eyes and grumbled, but ultimately let it go when Joy gave him a Look.

“Besides, slumber parties are fun! Why wait until spring break when we can have our own little cozy night in right here? There are no rules to where we have to sleep!”

Sadness raised a hand up slowly, “…actually, Manuel Seventy-Six: Proper Core Emotion Maintenance and Routine states that Headquarters isn’t a sustainable space for emotions to sleep in for long periods of ti-“

Joy waved her hands, cutting Sadness off with a forced grin. Hey, nobody said she was perfect all the time. “Thank you, Sadness, but we’ll be fine for one night!!” She clapped her hands together, “Now, everyone! Grab a pillow and huddle up!”

After a few minutes of moving around, adjusting, and squeezing into the (admittedly tiny) pillow-and-blanket fort, the emotions had settled in and managed to doze off.

Embarrassment lay on the floor, on his back, arms outstretched as the others cuddled close to him, his form warm and comfortable. Having spent most of his days attempting to make himself look smaller or less noticeable, it was nice to support others with his larger size, even if it was a little cramped in the fort itself. He was all cozy in his wool onesie, already snoring softly beneath the glow of the Console.

Disgust laid on the far left, her arms flat at her side, a sleep mask pulled over her eyes, the cooling gel preventing any wrinkles and creating a refreshing nights rest. Only one strand of hair escaped from beneath the hem of her bonnet, but Joy brushed it back in place as she checked in on everyone one last time.

Sadness was curled up beside Disgust, her fists balled up, eyebrows knitted together while she whimpered softly in her sleep. Joy smiled, placing a hand on her cheek to comfort the blue emotion throughout any depressing dreams plaguing her subconscious, and nestled in beside her, their backs pressed together.

Anger was on the far right, barely laying on the edge of Embarrassment’s outstretched arms, his own arms crossed over his chest as he grumbled in his sleep. Despite his insistence that he needed his cinder block pillow to sleep, he had been one of the first to pass out once he begrudgingly laid his head on the fluffy fabric of Embarrassment’s sleeve. Joy had tried to get him something to help him stop gritting his teeth at night, but he had chucked it out the window. Oh, well.

Fear was next to Anger, on his left, sharing his beloved teddy bear with the fiery emotion as he whimpered and kicked his feet. He was having another nightmare, undoubtedly, but this one seemed less tense than the others. At least, if he woke up, he would be surrounded by those he loved most… and the ten nightlights he had plugged in across the Control Room. Joy tucked a stuffed clownfish plush into his arm, just in case.

Beside Fear was Ennui, who had miraculously fallen asleep after a lengthy period of time scrolling her telephone. Joy did not understand what was so interesting on that little device- Riley was obsessed with it, too, but Joy could not understand the appeal of pressing a bunch of little buttons repeatedly with no real-life reward. The indigo emotion was like a snake, curled up with her legs poking out of the fort’s front. Despite her lackluster attitude, Joy found it cute how Ennui was holding Envy, the tiny emotion tucked in between her arms like a little kid. It reminded her of how Mum and Dad used to hold Riley, back when things were so easy.

Before she could get wistful, Joy relaxed back into her position next to Sadness, turning to the one emotion who had brought them all together like this. Anxiety laid in the centre of them all, tucked between Joy and Ennui. Her feet were kicking quickly, not like Fear’s terrified kicking, but more of a self-stimulating activity designed to help her relax. It did not appear to be as effective as she hoped, as the orange emotion was still tense.

Joy pursed her lips and propped her head up on her hands, looking up at the ceiling, mimicking Anxiety, who was doing the same with a wide-eyed stare. They lay in silence before she finally spoke.

“I don’t understand why you forgave me. I nearly ruined Riley’s life.”

Sighing, Joy glanced at Anxiety. “It wasn’t easy. I think the reason why I pushed you away was because I felt threatened by you. You reminded me of... me. O-Of what I couldn’t be for Riley. You were right, neither of us can choose who she gets to be. We can hope for the best for her, but she needs to be her own person.”

Anxiety fiddled with her fingers. “I know. It’s all just so scary... What if we mess it up and hurt Riley? What if I mess it up?”

“Then we try again the next day, and the next, and the next. Riley will still be here tomorrow, no matter how scary today seems, and we need to be there tomorrow, for her sake.” Joy placed her hand on Anxiety’s, and the other emotion stilled entirely, cautioning a glance towards her.

“Thank you, Joy. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no need to thank me. This was Envy’s idea.”

She laughed despite herself, nestling deeper into the blankets. Anxiety’s form relaxed enough so that she could comfortably rest her head on one of the many pillows, feathery hair splayed around her like the tail of a peacock.

Joy stared at her affectionately, at all the other emotions with a sense of love. Sure, they got on her nerves, and it was so very hard to be the only positive emotion in a sea of worry and negativity, but they were her family. She was protective of them in a similar way that she was protective of Riley, and it made her feel warm and fuzzy to have them all so close to her, no matter how much problems they caused.

She yawned, feeling her form sparkle around her in little glowing dots of happiness, and lied down, draping an arm over Anxiety. She then paused, wondering if that was okay, but she felt the smaller emotion relax and move closer to her, so she left it there. Sadness snored and pressed her back against Joys, making her feel surrounded by warmth and love.

Maybe, just maybe, it would all work out in the end. At least until tomorrow. There was always tomorrow.

[heli-writes]

Seven summers, part 3.

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x female!reader

Summary: Every summer, Draco and y/n meet. First, by pure coincidence, then intentionally. Unbeknown to Draco, y/n's a muggle who has no clue he's a wizard. With the rise of the dark lord, how long can this go well?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Series Masterlist

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dearest y/n,

School's incredibly boring. The only fun thing going on is that tournament. I do love seeing Harry Potter struggle. He totally deserves to have to fight that dragon. He's cheated his way into this tournament anyway. Not that I'd like to join. No prize money and fame in the world is worth fighting a real-life dragon for.

Blaise is seeing that girl he went to the Yule Ball with. It's disgusting, really. They're always standing in the hallway making googly eyes at one another. Also, before you say it, I'm not jealous because they get to see each other and we don't. Plus, they're nothing like us. They haven't even kissed. They're probably like your archnemesis, that Becky girl. If they don't see each other over the summer holiday, they probably lose interest and break up before the new school year starts, too. Meanwhile, we rarely see each other and we're together just fine.

Talking about it, would it be possible for you to send me a picture? It's not like I have the desperate wish to look at you every day but the others don't believe me about having a girlfriend. They think I invented you because I don't want to come in second to Blaise. It's really ridiculous but it would probably shut them up.

In all honesty, though, I can't wait until summer comes along. Not seeing you has been a lot harder since Christmas. Summer just can't come fast enough.

Love, Draco

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fifth summer, July.

Y/n can't wait to see Draco again. It's the first week of the summer holidays and the weather is fantastic. A few weeks ago, Draco and she agreed that y/n would come to visit him at his family's home. Y/n was a bit reluctant to agree because she feared that her little muggle secret would be blown if she stayed with a wizard's family. Luckily for her, Draco canceled just before school was over with little explanation why she couldn't come over anymore. Instead, Draco proposed to spend a weekend in Salisbury, a town a bit away from his parent's house. He promised to take care of accommodation since he had to cancel last minute.

Y/n probably should have a bad feeling about this. She lied to her parents and said she is visiting her school friend Olivia whose parents have a vacation home in Wiltshire. Y/n's parents know Olivia and her parents well since the two girls often spend time studying together for big tests, so they don't question the whole thing. All in all, y/n has always been a girl who followed the rules and never gave her parents a reason to mistrust her. Y/n tells herself that it's fine. She trusts Draco and he wouldn't do anything to hurt her or get her into trouble. It seems as if he himself is afraid to get into trouble with his father and therefore is careful about what he does or doesn't do. Plus, if the whole thing turns out to be a disaster, she just takes a train home.

Y/n takes a deep breath while she stands on the platform and waits for the train. There's a heavy feeling in her stomach that she can't shake off the entire way to Salisbury. When she gets off the train, she looks around unsettled. What if he didn't come? What if he had to cancel again last minute? Worried thoughts race through her head and she can barely register what she sees around herself. Suddenly, a hand grips her arm softly. "... y/n? Are you deaf?", a familiar voice says. Y/n is ripped out of her spiral and looks up to where Draco stands. "I've been calling you all the way from over there.", he tells her. Y/n takes a shaky, relieved breath before answering: "Oh, I'm sorry, I really didn't notice you." Draco gives her a soft smile, the kind of smile she's been missing since Christmas. "It's alright. I'm just glad you came. For a moment, I thought you didn't step out of the train.", he says as he pulls her into his arms. Y/n hugs him back and relief overtakes her. "I also thought you maybe didn't come.", she confesses. Draco leans his cheek against her hair. "Why that? I promised you I'd come. Actually, I'm really glad to get away from everything for a while.", he tells her. Y/n breaks the hug apart. "Oh? Did something happen? Is that why you needed to cancel meeting at your place?", she asks him. Draco shifts his weight uncomfortably. "Yeah, haven't you read it in the paper? There was an accident at the tournament.", he replies. "Oh.", is all that y/n manages to say. Somehow, she doesn't like the way he said 'accident'. Y/n shakes it off and gives his arm a pat. "Hey, it's summer! And we have a whole weekend to do whatever we want. Let's not dwell on dark things!", she tries to cheer him up. Draco gives her another smile and nods.

"Right, let's go! I'd say we get you settled first and then we plan our weekend over a good lunch.", he says and takes y/n's luggage. "Yeah, so where are we staying?", y/n asks him. "A family friend has an inn in town. We booked a room.", he tells her. "We? As in your parents and you?", y/n asks surprised. Somehow she finds it hard to believe that Draco's parents would allow him to go on a weekend trip with a girl they barely know. "Yes, though I didn't specify which friend I'm taking. My parents have been so busy the past few weeks, they didn't bother to ask.", he points out with a mischievous grin. Y/n giggles. Seems like Draco is not afraid to get a little bit in trouble. "Are your parents ok with this?", he asks her, and y/n proceeds to tell him about Olivia. "I don't think my parents would approve of me staying alone with a boy at an inn.", she ponders. "Well, we have two separate beds. There was no way I could've found a believable reason why I need a double bed with a friend.", Draco points out. Y/n has to laugh. "Oh, but you thought about it?", she asks him cheekily. Draco's ears turn a bit red.

When they stand in front of the 'inn', y/n asks herself if Draco was joking earlier and if this trip was really a good idea. They're standing in front of a rundown, seemingly deserted, house. "If there are ghosts, I'm not stepping inside of this place.", y/n tells Draco. Draco only nudges her and says: "Have a little faith, it's a great place.". He knocks on the door and loudly says "Clabbert". With an abrupt swing, the door opens and a small, very gloomy-looking old man opens the door. He musters the two of them up and down, seemingly disapproving. Y/n shudders. The man has long, unkempt hair and clothes that look like from three centuries ago. If she met this guy on the train, she'd definitely switch compartments. "Malfoy?", he asks in a grumbling voice. "Yes, my mother sent you an owl a few days ago.", Draco tells him. "Hm. And her? She smells like a muggle.", the man asks and gives y/n a mean glance. Y/n wonders what a muggle smells like, when Draco swiftly answers: "My cousin. We're visiting an aunt in town, but she doesn't have enough space for us.". Y/n's surprised at how effortless Draco can lie. The man grunts and retreats inside, leaving the door open. Draco gives y/n a sign to follow him.

Y/n really expects the worst when she enters the house. Naked walls, rubble, and a freezing breeze. However, when she enters the house, she is met with warm candlelights and old-fashioned but cozy decorations and carpets. The man leads the two of them up an old staircase. Draco tries to lift both his and y/n's luggage, but y/n quickly takes her own suitcase. The man hands Draco a key and points towards a door at the end of the hall. "Last one on the left. Breakfast is at 8:00 am sharp.", he just tells them and stomps down the staircase again. "Charming.", y/n comments dryly. "That's just old Goover. Don't bother with him.", Draco chuckles. "Goover? That's his real name?", y/n asks while they walk towards their room. "Dunno. That's just what my parents call him.", Draco shrugs. At the door, Draco starts fumbling with the key and tries to open the door. "And he's your parents' friend?", y/n asks surprised. Draco's father looked so sophisticated. It's hard for y/n to believe that he's friends with a guy like Goover. Draco manages to open the door and pushes it open. "Yeah... uh they used to be in this club together. Here we are! What do you think?", he quickly tries to change the topic.

Y/n enters the room. The room has the same old-fashioned style as the rest of the house. There's a fire burning in the fireplace, filling the room with a comfortable warmth that immediately makes her drowsy. "I take the bed close to the wall!", she announces and throws herself onto the bed. "Sure.", Draco says and settles onto the other. Y/n starts unpacking some things from her suitcase while Draco watches her.

Y/n rolls over to face Draco and she props her head on her hand and says: "So, what now? Lunch?“. Draco nods. "Yes, I know a good place. C'mon!“, he says and stands up. Y/n pushes herself from the bed and grabs her purse. "Let's go.“, she smiles.

Somehow y/n expected to choose a fancy restaurant with steak or filet. His family does not look like they eat the same way they dress, namely expensive. However, Draco takes her to a fish and chips shop that looks like it's been opened somewhere in the 70s. The smell of fryer oil hits them in the face upon entering. An elderly old, white couple stands behind the counter. "G'day my lady.“, says the man and gives y/n an overexaggerated bow and a toothy grin. "Och, George. Be a little bit more serious around our customers.“, his wife says and nudges him. Y/n takes an instant liking to the couple. They remind her of her grandparents who live in the Yorkshire Dales and have a little cottage in the middle of nowhere. They used to have a farm with sheep there but since they retired they gave away most of the animals. "We'd like some fish and chips, please.“, Draco says as he walks up to the counter. "Then you're at the right place, lad. You want some mashed peas, too?“, the man asks. "No, thank you. Y/n?“, Draco says as he turns to y/n. "Yes, please! And some vinegar, too!“, y/n cheers. They pay for their order and sit down to wait for the food.

"So, tell me about the accident at school. What happened?“, y/n asks Draco as they wait. Draco looks down at his hands and solemnly says: "A student died in the tournament.“. Y/n wished she'd be surprised but everything she heard about the school screamed deathtrap to her. Basiliks, soul-sucking creatures, dragons. Nothing of that screams 'safe' to her. The only thing she's surprised about is that this didn't happen earlier. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was he a friend?“, she says compassionately. Draco shakes his head. "No, I barely knew him. Was in a different house and all.“, he tells her. Y/n crooks her head in thought. Considering the fact that he didn't know the guy, the whole thing left Draco pretty shaken, y/n thinks. She also notices how he doesn't really want to talk about it, so she quickly changes the topic. "How were your finals? I feel like I could've done better.“, she tells him. Draco gladly accepts the topic change and starts talking about his own exams. "The finals were terrible! I mean the results were fine but I just hate the exam days.“, he complains. Y/n nods in agreement, happy that they found a common topic. "Yes, they're just so stressful. It's like how am I supposed to write three exams in one day? My head is already smoking after the first one!“, she adds. "True. Which subject did you find the worst this year?“, Draco asks her. Y/n hesitates for a moment. She knows that they have completely different subjects at Draco's school. Witchy subjects. Does she lie now yet again or does she tell him the truth? She decides on the latter. "Algebra. It's my worst result. I was truly desperate when I saw the exam.“, she tells him truthfully. Draco frowns and gives her a confused look. "My school teaches muggle subjects.“, y/n tries to explain. "Why would they do that?“, he asks. Y/n has to think about that for a moment. "Well, muggle subjects are about real-world stuff, so it makes sense to learn about that too, you know?“, she tries to argue. "Real-world stuff? You consider the muggle world real but the wizarding world not?“, Draco asks her confused. Y/n shifts in her seat uncomfortably. Yes, it's exactly like that. She lives in the muggle world, her reality, and the wizarding world may be real but it is just some far-away fairytale world for her. However, that's not something she can tell Draco. Suddenly, she feels very hot and she can feel some sweat rolling down her neck. "I just mean the muggle world is as real as the wizarding world. So, we should learn something about both worlds since we can't just ignore the existence of the other.“, she explains. Draco ponders on this for a second and y/n is proud that she gave a clever answer. It's something she truly believes in. Muggles should learn about wizards and the other way around. Right now, muggles and wizards just live next to each other and y/n wonders what might happen when they start living together, in one society.

Before Draco has the chance to reply, the man behind the counter interrupts them and brings over their plates. "Bon appetit, my lovebirds!“, he says and winks at them while he puts their plates down. Somewhere in the back, y/n can hear the woman groan "Och, George! Leave them alone!“ which makes her chuckle. In the end, he's not wrong, she thinks. Y/n and Draco thank them and pull their plates towards them. "Enjoy!“ she tells Draco and he gives her a smile. For a few minutes, they eat in silence. Y/n hasn't had some real fatty, unhealthy fish and chips in a while and she truly enjoys it. With a mouthful of fish she groans: "Man, this is so good!“. Draco gives her a grin and swallows. "It is, isn't it? It's the best fish and chips in the whole of England!“, he tells her. Y/n nods in agreement. "You know, my parents used to take me to Cornwall every summer holiday. On the last day, we always had fish and chips in this crappy old shop at the coast. This reminds me a lot of it.“, she narrates. "Why are they not taking you anymore?“, Draco asks her. Y/n shrugs. "I don't know. They're both busy with work, I guess.“, she answers. Draco pushes some food around on his plate. "You have a good relationship with your parents?“, he continues to ask. Y/n thinks about this for a second. "I guess. I mean we don't argue a lot, unlike other kids in my class. It's mostly because I bring home good grades and don't act rebellious, I think. But it's not like we spent that much time with each other, just around the house for meals and stuff. And you and your parents?“, y/n replies. Draco continues to push his food around and takes some time before he answers. "It's similar but my parents are also very strict, especially my dad. Even when I'm not acting up, sometimes I just say something he doesn't approve of and he gets pissed off.“, he mumbles. Y/n already thought that's what their relationship was like.

She is ready to move on from the topic when Draco suddenly asks: "Do you sometimes feel like your parents do stuff you'd never do?“. "I mean, yes. My mom always wipes off the soles of her shoes after entering the house. I'd never do that. I just take them off. I only wear them outside anyways, why bother wiping them all the time?“, she says. Draco shakes his head and frowns. "No, not like that. I mean like... I don't know... bad things.“, he tries to specify. Y/n crooks her head. "Depends. You mean like tax evasion bad or murder bad?“, she asks. Draco shrugs. "Something in between?“, he offers.Y/n leans back in her chair and looks up to the ceiling. She is trying to remember if her parents or any family members ever did something that falls into that category. "Well... my uncle supports the alt-right movement, at least in spirit. He doesn't do much besides having a big mouth.“, she tells him. Draco looks a bit confused. "You know the type of people who'd like to oppress people of color and women? Like, he told me that abortions and illegal immigration should be punished with the death penalty at a family dinner.“, she explains. Draco nods relieved, then looks at his plate again. "Are your parents like that sometimes?“, y/n asks him softly. "Hm, yeah.“, Draco tells her almost embarassedly. Y/n reaches over the table and takes his hand. "Don't worry about it. Important is that you don't get involved with stuff like that.“, she says and squeezes his hand.

Suddenly, having lost all appetite, y/n proposes: "Hey, why don't we get out of here? Let's have a look around town and discuss what we want to do for the rest of the day“. Draco agrees and they both get up. They bid the nice couple goodbye. Y/n feels relieved when the fresh, warm summer air hits her face. "I'm probably going to smell like a deep fryer for the whole next week.“, she says while sniffing her clothes. Draco snickers and casually takes her hand. Y/n has to blush a bit and doesn't look at him. She also doesn't let go, though. Together, they stroll through the narrow streets of the medieval town. They decide that they take a walk along the Avons and check out the Market Walk. Y/n stops at a bridge and yells: "Draco, look!“. A family of ducks are merrily paddling along the shore. Draco walks up behind her and places a hand on her lower back. He stands so closely behind her that y/n can feel his chest slightly pressed against her side. Carefully, she leans back into him and Draco puts his arms around her, pulling her close. He leans his head against hers. "They're so cute.“, y/n whispers. Her heart suddenly beats up into her throat. "You're cute.“, Draco whispers back and strokes over her hair with his lips. Y/n twists in his arms so that she can look up to him with wide, almost expecting eyes. Draco softly presses a kiss to her forehead. When y/n doesn't pull back after it, his gaze flickers towards her lips. Y/n leans a bit closer to him and Draco lowers his lips so he can properly kiss her. Draco's lips are soft on hers. His hands find their way into her hair and he pulls her head closer, deepening the kiss. Y/n feels as if she is pudding in his arms. For a moment, she forgets that they are standing on a busy street. Draco pulls back and looks at her for a moment. "I've been waiting to do this since you stepped out of the train.“, he tells her and y/n has to giggle. "Well, you have a whole weekend to do this a couple of times more.“, she teases him. Draco raises an eyebrow and asks: "Is that an invitation?“. Y/n gives him a peck and answers: "Yes, it definitely is“.

They let go of each other and walk to the market hall hand in hand. Y/n feels like she could fly and all worries from this morning are long forgotten. The couple strolls through the market hall. Y/n stops at some shops and picks up some trinkets and books. Draco sneers at her affection for romance novels and y/n makes fun of him for being forced to read the great classics by his parents. Eventually, they have tea in a small tea room. They sit crammed in a little nook, holding hands under the table. The women serving in the café watch the two giggling and putting their heads together with soft smiles. It remembers them of a time long ago when they were first in love. On their way back, they stop at a Tesco and get some sandwiches. They have their dinner at the shore of the river and watch the sunset together. When y/n grows cold, Draco pulls her into his lap as an excuse to warm her up. However, all he does is steal some kisses. Something that y/n doesn't mind he does. When the streetlamps light up, Draco helps y/n up and they make their way back to the inn. They stop holding hands a block before the inn and create some distance between them. Obviously, Goover is not supposed to think that some cousins are romantically involved with each other.

Back at their room, y/n takes her toilet bag and disappears into the bathroom to have a long nice shower. She wants the smell of fish and chips out of her hair. Returning dressed in her pajamas, Draco also retreats to the bathroom. She uses the time to text her parents that she arrived safely and how she spent her day. She quickly puts the device away when she hears Draco opening the door again. A towel lays over his shoulders and water drips from his hair. Y/n thinks he looks marvelous. Draco plumps onto his bed and dries his hair. "So, what do you want to do before going to bed?“, he asks her. "I brought some card games if you wanna play.“, y/n proposes. She ends up teaching him Skip-Bo and UNO. Being a terrible loser, Draco demands compensation after she hits him with a 4+ for the fifth time. They end up making up on the floor between their beds. Firstly, their kisses are sweet and careful, still testing each other's boundaries. With time, their kisses grow more heated and longing. Draco pulls her into his lap again and his hands start roaming her body. He slides his hand under her shirt, stroking against the soft skin of her lower back. Y/n's hand messes up his hair. At some point, Draco's leg falls asleep. In an attempt to shift their position, his long legs hit the nightstand and the vase on it tips over with a loud 'clonk'. They let go for a moment, looking bewilderedly at the source of the sound. When the vase doesn't fall onto the floor, they are just about to continue when there is a loud knock on the door. "What are you children doing in there? You pay for what you break!“, Goover's agitated voice rings through the door. The two quickly dart apart, scared the man will open the door and see them in a compromising position. Draco clears his throat and quickly yells: "Sorry, I walked against the nightstand. Nothing's broken“. There is shuffling in front of his door, then silence. Draco and y/n look at each other with wide eyes, and then they both have to laugh. Y/n quickly brushes through her hair with her hands in hopes of looking more presentable. Draco shakes his head and chuckles. "Maybe that was our cue. Probably best to leave it at that for the night.“, he says. Y/n nods. She's a bit glad that they got interrupted. Kissing Draco like that felt good but she also had no idea where they were going with this and if she really wanted to go there, wherever that was.

After brushing their teeth, they settle into their retrospective beds and turn the lights off. After the conversation dies down, y/n lies wide awake in her bed. She turns over to Draco and listens to his breath. She stares into the darkness, hoping to make our Draco's shape. Eventually, Draco turns towards her and she notices that he's still awake. "You know“, Draco suddenly whispers into the dark, "I kinda really wish we had that double bed right now“. Y/n giggles at that. "I could come over“, she whispers back. "You could.“, Draco agrees. Y/n bites her lip in contemplation. "But no funny business?“, she carefully asks. "No funny business.“, Draco agrees again. Y/n slips out of her bed. The floor is cold beneath her naked feet and she hurries to get under Draco's blanket. He puts the blanket up and y/n cuddles herself into his chest. Draco pulls the blanket and his arms over her. Y/n can hear his beating heart. Draco puts his hand into her hair, softly messaging her scalp. The warmth and Draco's hand against her head start to make y/n dizzy with sleep. She nuzzles into his neck and slowly lets sleep take over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tag list: @gypsylilim @caffeine-addict-slug @huiiline @rclector @am0iur

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[luvbug724]

tsc kevjean made me sick. i’m so upset. the handholding, the face holding, the conspiratorial whispers, the blind faith (“kevin wouldn’t have sent me here if you were”, the denial (“i absolutely hate you” that neither of them believe), the jean’s first love of it all, kevin’s so gentle it’s blatant favouritism, the protective instincts (“be careful with him” vs “keep kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth”), the betrayal and resent and mistrust but not being able to really feel it when the loves still there. i’m spiralling.

i'm genuinely not kidding when i say that tsc revolutionized kevin day. it's such a fascinating change to see him literally instantly flip that switch to go from panic mode to protect jean mode like that scene when they learn abt the deal w ichirous & then neil leaves is literally all i need to understand why despite everything & how much its cost him jean keeps loving kevin. and dont even get me STARTED on be careful with him thats so fuckign oh my god. kevin might not have been IN love with jean but thhey both love each other so fiercely its insane. my goodness. my god. jean i also would not kill myself if kevin day asked. i understand you my brother

[isp-annafer]

I find the snippet Jay showed us very, very interesting. Eurylochus went from, "Let's just cut our losses and run" in the Circe saga to "You miss your wife so bad you'd sacrifice your own crew." I wanna see this. I wanna see where Eurylochus's character development goes.

(And then Odysseus replies with, "You would have done the same", likely referencing to what he said in the Circe saga.)

Now, I have been told by numerous people that Odysseus sacrificed some of his crew to escape Scylla (which, yikes, and also may be the actual event refered to in No Longer You, because it fits so well. Thanks guys!)

Seems to me the Eurylochus from the Circe saga would have understood Odysseus sacrificing a few men for the greater good so that they can get home, but the Eurylochus in the next saga doesn't seem to agree. In fact, he condemns him for it in the Mutiny snippet.

Hey, wouldn't it be funny, if, while Odysseus is having his downward spiral into ruthlessness, Eurylochus had his own rollercoaster of a journey from distrusting the Captain's decisions after Polyphemus to actually trusting him again? Wouldn't that be funny?

It's implied Eurylochus had something to do with the bag of storm being opened, whether he did it himself or just never stopped the crew, Eurylochus's own mistrust of Odysseus, likely, led to it being opened, and so many people killed. Do you think he thinks about it? Does it eat him up inside? And when he advocated to leave the men-to-pigs behind and escape Circe while they still can, did Odysseus's determination to get them back, that he'd do anything to get Eurylochus back if it were him, slap him in the face, too? That was how much Odysseus cared for him, and yet Eurylochus had thrown that love at his face when the crew opened the bag of storms. And the thing was, Odysseus succeeded! He got the crew back (Mostly. Elpenor wtf were you doing up there), and it was by opening himself up to her! Wouldn't it be so funny if, in the end, it had been Eurylochus who picked up Polites's philosophy??

Dusted it off from where he had dropped it in grief. Held it up to the light where he could see the fractures, the flaws, but also the warm soft glow of it, too. He may not be able to trust the world to be kind, but he can trust Odysseus. And wasn't that what Polites had wanted in the end? Trust in each other. Lead from the heart. Whatever they face, they'll survive it together.

Wouldn't that be so, so funny?

Boy, I sure do hope Odysseus won't do anything that would irrepairably break that newly grown trust :))))))

*muffled Scylla boss music steadily growing in the distance*

[mitskijamie]

Yours and others thoughts about georgie and baby Jamie and what life was like is so compelling to me!!!! I also find it so funny to think about Roy having a mini breakdown about his age in relation to Georgie and whatnot

THANK YOUUU

Georgie and baby Jamie are so important to me, I'm so glad someone enjoys hearing my random highly specific hcs about them haha <3

I think Roy and Georgie being close in age would probably upset them both, and it'd be something they'd have to talk through fs. People always write Georgie as being so immediately supportive of Roy and Jamie as a couple but I think she'd be apprehensive, because she's a good mother and no good mother would trust that situation without so much as a conversation, and I think Roy would pick up on her mistrust and go into a guilt/shame spiral about the age gap and everything

[crimeronan]

If Hunter looks at Camila and asks “Who are you protecting”. I feel like Luz would, for a moment, be extremely confused, but then understand and catch on. I’m having trouble pinpointing her reaction though. Would Luz see this as “necessary” mistrust since she’s evil and now her mother is protecting someone from her (*cough* it’s not what she thinks obv), and be like “oh, i totally understand :)))))” while Hunter is like um hell no? You wouldn’t hurt anyone, what’s going on?

i actually Don't think luz is likely to shame spiral about this, assuming she puts together all the context clues correctly!

like.

1) hunter is afraid of basilisks

2) and clearly thinks they might enact some form of convoluted revenge

3) basilisks are """scary""" demons

4) who are very much people

5) and camila is afraid on behalf of a basilisk.

6) presumably someone she's cared for physically, given her knowledge of basilisk anatomy/needs.

luz carries a lot of guilt over things she's done herself, but she's also Constantly aware that she's inherited the empire. and all the atrocities that come with it. she's aware that she has absolute power and can continue to commit atrocities. in that context, camila's fear doesn't hurt her feelings -- it just makes Sense.

so i think she'd immediately be like "no, no no no, mami, i won't hurt them, i promise" while hunter is like "hey. can we maybe Not promise that without knowing more"

and luz just Whirls on him. and shouts "I WILL NOT BE PART OF THIS."

and hunter is like.

......okay. yeah. Okay.

fine. we won't hurt them.