#So like if we are trying to nail it down to a lyric its gotta be presumably either calciums song or a *** song right?

[theyneverblindmedarling]

Okay I know I’m very behind but do we know around when Him was written plz and ty

[oneofhisfrenchgirls]

the reason why I love louies and  louis.

this is no shade to any other artist/singer because im a multi stan as well but nobody stands out to me like louis. because to love louis, u gotta dig deep. even during the old band days, louis was surely everyone’s favourite but he was still ‘the one in a relationship’ ‘the cute one’ ‘the one with the girlfriend’ ‘he’s taken there’s no use crushing on him’ type. he was always pushed aside but we still loved him. but none of us were blind to the way everything was unfair to him. i agree it was hard for the others as well. every other day i woke up with the news of harry dating a new girl. liam with his own personal issues, niall with the lack of freedom and zayn with his health issues. but ill stick to louis here. those of us who are old hardcore 1d stans, always knew that he was never with el (no disrespect to her, its just the way things were sadly) but we couldn’t make it easier for him. he was never the ‘star singer’ like harry was shown off to be or the ‘crowd pleaser’ like liam. he just sat at the side with zayn joking around (you’re allowed to cry at this part) because as he once said they both weren’t that confident. and during that time: when everyone’s favourite was harry (like most people rn) or niall (goofy) or liam (puppy dog) or zayn (greek god), my heart always went out to people who had louis as their favourite. cause they didnt love him for any ‘omg hes so hot what if he dates me’ reasons, you loved him for being himself. as imperfect as he was. and that’s really something coming from a teenage girl. you loved him everytime management let him down. everytime he was playing someone he heard he was supposed to be but you always saw right through him and thats all he really wanted. you saw who he really was. you fell for his smile, his jokes, his lyrics, his voice, how caring and sweet and kind he is despite the rude image management always tried to put out. how he always supported shy little 16 year old harry and helped him become who he is today when he himself was just 18 (’painted nails make harry beautiful’ makes me tear up still like boy, do u have any idea how much that meant to him right then), how he was a true friend to liam (just lilo being the softest friendship), how he was a brother to niall and made him go HAAHAHAHAH and well there’s zayn- i dont even need to say anything cause we all scream zouis supremacy practically every 2 days. he was the guy who was always there for his friends, for his band, for his family and never bragged about it. the countless stunts were probably hard but i just know that deep inside he knew that we would see through the fake forced smiles and we did. and that’s what’s so special about us. we dont completely know him obviously, but we try to understand him and thats why he goes out of his way to thank us. and everytime he thanks us, its so obvious that he isnt just talking about supporting his music, hes talking about all those hard years and the fake stunts, he thanks us for never believing the media image of him, for always understanding that we only get half of the story. i love louies because you choose to stick by his side and to ignore everything else even when sometimes it gets hard to do so. i love louies because we’re strong. just like him. its not surface level attraction. we didnt watch reels and cute fan interactions (thats how we started yes) but we fell in love with him because of his lyrics that speak volumes (alexa play Only The Brave), his unspoken words, the devotion and love that he feels towards his AHEM significant other (even when its been ages, different stages they’ve come so far from princess park) and how he put it into the most beautiful and romantic album I’ve ever heard: Walls (crying because ‘we made it underestimated and always underrated now we’re saying goodbye waving to the hard times never coming down with your hand in mine’ but lets move on shall we), his hints (mf puts out so many hints i hate him), the way he cant openly show his support for the lgbtq+ community like he wants to but that never stops him from trying and making his fans feel valid and loved (i sobbed into my mom’s shoulder when he pointed to the pride flag while singing OTB during the AFH festival), his music videos deserve a whole other post tbh and the Just Like You lyrics video deserves a whole book and basically just the way he was and is. and I think that’s what makes us the most beautiful fandom out there. while the rest of the world is busy falling in love with well known popstars and famous artists, we’re still in louis’ lane first and foremost, cause its physically hard, and may i add impossible, to love somebody else the way you love Louis William Tomlinson. and we’ll continue to support and to be there for him- idc how hard it gets, cause thats what we do guys. and then yall wonder why he loves us so much that he organised a free festival? why he checks in on us every few weeks with the ‘hope everyone’s doing alright’? why so many news outlets and articles call louies the ‘most devoted fandom’? why he treats us like friends and flips us off? like homie, these are all the reasons why: we’re his chosen family.

[loostssoul]

if you kissed me - Rodrick Heffley | 1.9k

Yeah yeah i know i haven't written since a million years ago. and yeah yeah i know this is my first real fanfiction i posted on tumblr. fair warning, i'm not the best writer, i honestly just do this for fun and i'm totally up to criticism because i do want to make my writing better. if this is literally inaccurate, im sorry its been like 5 years since i've read the books. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff-fest that I created in the span of a few hours.

paring: rodrick x reader genre: fluff. lots of fluff

Credits to the maker of the picture! 15 Days till the Contest | 9:42 PM, Saturday

Plick, plick, plick

My speakers were blasting so loud I almost didn’t hear the sound of pebbles hitting my window.

Plick, plick, plick

I rubbed my eyes and slammed my laptop shut, walking toward my bedroom window. Peering down, I saw a figure a few yards down from my second-story bedroom, looking back up at me. Dark brown, messy hair that stuck up around his face. A red and black flannel, black ripped jeans, and, (of course) a tee-shirt with “Loded Diper” clumsily written on it. A grin spread on his face as he saw my face come into his view, causing me to blush. Rodrick Heffley, Crossland High bad boy, and my boyfriend.

I unlocked the latch to my window and stuck my head out, taking in the cool air and letting the neighbors enjoy the music I was playing (they never did). I looked down.

“Y/N!” He whisper-yelled

“Evening, Heffley.”

“I need to tell you something!”

“What’s so important that you have to scratch my window instead of using the power of modern technology to call me?”

His mouth opened to give me a response, but nothing came out. I smirked, “Come on up.”

I opened the window wider as he climbed the trellis that lined the back of my house. I backed up to my door and locked it. Precautions, my parents liked Rodrick but they definitely wouldn’t approve of him in my room at night. I looked back and I saw him, every feature of him illuminated by the light of my room. His cheeky smile and chocolate brown eyes. He slowly closed the window and walked toward me, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I still got butterflies whenever he touched me.

“Hey, Spiderman. What did ya climb in here to tell me?” I asked

“I got Loded Diper into a contest.”

My eyes widened, Loded Diper, my boyfriend’s rock band, wasn’t exactly known for being the best. It was mostly known for his mom’s insane dance moves during the Plainview Talent Show. But of course, i'll never say that in front of his face.

“You did?! That’s awesome Rodrick!”

“Yeah! It's a battle of the bands contest, we’re going against two other bands. I really think this is gonna be our big break!” His eyes sparkled in excitement.

His happiness was contagious, he was like a goddamn puppy. I pulled him into my arms. “I’m proud of you Rod.” I muttered and smiled into his collarbone. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and twirl my locks around his fingers.

“Hey,” he said, breaking the hug. “I’m having practice tomorrow with the band, you wanna come?”

“Sure. I go to every practice anyway, why miss out on this one?” I shrugged.

He chuckled and looked at me. Really looked at me. That’s one of the reasons why I fell for him. It never seemed like it, but he paid attention. We’ve only been dating for 4 months, but he knew me like no one else did, and I knew that in the way he looked at me. I felt his hand cup my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek in small circles. I looked up at him, noticing how tall he was, how close he was. Was I the one who leaned in? Was he the one who leaned in? Did we just do it subconsciously? Did he want this? Was he ready? Was I ready?

The ringing of Rodrick’s phone filled the room. The daze we were trapped in was gone and we separated, our faces red. Rodrick picked up the phone, it was his mom.

“Yeah, mom? Mom...I’m in the middle of something. I’ll do laundry later, ok? Now? C’mon… Alright, fine. Bye.” He hung up. “Sorry, I gotta blast.”

“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked him as he started toward my window.

He looked back at me and planted a kiss on my forehead, the farthest we’ve ever gone with physical touch as a couple.

“Tomorrow”

~~✰✰✰~~

14 Days till the Contest | 1:22 PM, Saturday afternoon

“Should we take it from the top?”

Practice wasn’t going so well. I could feel the nervousness, the tension. Drums were slightly off beat, the guitarist’s fingers would fly to the wrong places on the fretboard, lyrics would go all over the place. The contest was two weeks away, and Loded Diper was already feeling the anxiousness. I sat on the floor of the garage, on top of a picnic blanket I found. To Rodrick’s dismay, his mom forced him to let Greg watch band practice, as a form of “brother-to-brother bonding time.” Greg sat next to me, mockingly covering his ears.

“Oh thank god, it's done.” Greg said with an immense amount of sarcasm and uncovering his ears.

Rodrick threw a crumpled-up piece of paper at his head, “Shut up.”

“Both of you, be nice.” I laughed. “I think you guys should take a break for a while, maybe shake off the nerves.”

“Good idea Y/N, 20 minute break everyone!” The lead singer said. Everyone spread out, grabbing a piece of pizza ordered earlier and laying down. Greg ran out of the garage, yelling, “I’m free!”

Rodrick stood up and began gulping down a bottle of water. He wore a black tanktop and black ripped jeans, sweat dripping down his forehead. I ran up behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He turned and faced me, running his hands through my hair, lost in thought.

“You ok, Rod?” I asked him.

He sighed, “nerves”

I leaned my head on his chest, “You’re gonna do great, you’ve done so many gigs in the past. Think of this as one of those!”

He smiled at me, “You know what would make me feel a lot less nervous?”

“Oh god. What?”

A really common thing Rodrick did was try to bargain a kiss on the lips from me. It's been an ongoing joke, a meaningless bit he did all the time. I’ll do my homework if you kissed me on the lips. I’ll smile in the picture if you kissed me on the lips. It still hasn’t worked.

“I might be less nervous if you kissed me on the lips.” He whispered to me.

I rolled my eyes, “If that’s what it takes then I think you’ll lose the competition.”

He let go of me and laughed, my favorite laugh. “Worth a try.” He shrugged, going off to join his bandmates and the pizza. But as I watched him smile and laugh with his friends, I lost myself. I thought about the previous night. The way we fit into each other, the closeness, the fact that was so close that I could see my reflection in his eyes.

Maybe I should just say yes.

~~✰✰✰~~

The Day of the Contest

For the past 2 weeks, Rodrick has given me the “kiss-bargain” joke 9 times. Every time, I deflected it with sarcastic remarks, and every time I regretted not agreeing.

I sat on the front steps of my porch, waiting for Rodrick to pick me up. I regretted the jean shorts and plain black tee-shirt I had on, as a cold breeze brushed my skin. I pulled my black leather jacket on, which I painted “Loded Diper” on the back in white paint. Then, I heard it. The echo of heavy metal turned to full blast, and… the faint sound of something big getting knocked over. Oh god, they’re here. The white van with “Loded Diper” written in huge words screeched to a halt in front of my house.

The window rolled down, revealing my boyfriend and his excited grin. “Get in.”

~~✰✰✰~~

30 minutes till Loded Diper preforms

It felt surreal to be backstage, and really exciting. Energy was flowing through the room, as all the other bands talked and played. The rest of the band members seemed excited, full of adrenaline. Except for Rodrick, he’s been nervous ever since soundcheck. His leg was bouncing,he twirled his drumsticks around, drumming them on random objects, and his eyes stared into nothing.

“Rodrick, you want me to do your eyeliner?”

“Huh?” He didn’t take his eyes away from the ground, his voice seemed far away.

I lifted a liquid eyeliner pen I had in my pocket, “Eyeliner. I just did mine, we can match!”

He lifted his head and noticed me. I had my eyeliner smudged, just like he always does during a gig. He grinned, “Yeah. Yeah sure.”

I’ve done his eyeliner many times in the past, and I loved doing it because I had to be as close to him as possible. So I hopped onto his lap, pressing myself close to him, trying to comfort him with my warmth.

“Close your eyes.” I ordered.

As I applied his eyeliner, I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. It was heavy, and fast. I’m pretty sure I would still hear it if I wasn’t as close to him as I was, even though the loud music blasting through the theatre.

“Done”

He opened his eyes, and butterflies flooded my stomach. We were close. Very close. Should I do it? Should I lean in?

Rodrick probably sensed my flustered-ness. He smirked, “Cat got your tongue?”

I rolled my eyes, blushing hard. “Shut up.” I said, playfully punching him.

~~✰✰✰~~

“5 Minutes until Loded Diper performs!” A man exclaimed to us.

Rodrick was as nervous as ever. We’ve been standing on the left wing of the stage, watching the other bands play. It felt like a bunch of Loded Diper copy-pastes. A bunch of high schoolers, weird names, very aggressive playing. But they were still pretty good. Rodrick was biting the nails of one of his hands and tapping his other hand on the wall behind him. I looked up at him and held his hand, stopping it from fidgeting. He smiled nervously.

Now or never Y/N…

“Hey, you said that if I kiss you, you won’t be as nervous. Right?”

He looked at me, wide eyed. He seemed to be trying to compute what I said.

I stood on tiptoe and put his face in my hands. It was that night all over again. Every detail of his face, of him was in full view. His eyes, his eyeliner, his scent, his lips. I leaned in.

His lips were soft against mine, but they were tense, flustered. I was terrified, It was the wrong place, the wrong time. Until I felt one hand in my hair, another on my waist, pulling me closer.

How long was the kiss? A few seconds? It felt like minutes, hours. Sparked ignited. Butterflies flew in my stomach. His scent was the only thing I smelled, his warmth was the only thing I felt. The music faded away. Everything faded away. It was just him and I. Until we broke apart, taking in deep breaths of each other. We wanted more, but Loded Diper was playing in a few seconds.

“Hey, Rodrick.”

“Yeah?”

“If you win I’ll kiss you again”

We both knew I would kiss him regardless.

I didn't edit this because editing is for wimps (just kidding be responsible and edit your work)

please like and reblog because it gives me serotonin and i need that

[yourlocalfictionalenthusiast]

IN LIFE, IN DEATH...

PART THREE

Part One, Part Two

Warnings: just some swearing

May 1995

“We’re totally gonna get a record deal!”

Luke said for the tenth time in the past hour as he bounced in his seat.

It was Friday night and normally, you would all be messing around at the park, the beach, or just watching a movie in the studio. But when your phone rang and it was the booking manager for the Orpheum telling you that Sunset Curve is officially the new opener next month, the boys insisted on being there the second your shift at the diner was over.

So instead of arguing about having another Star Wars marathon or playing at the pier, you were all packed in your regular booth at Cece’s for celebratory milkshakes. You sat on the very edge of the booth, practically falling asleep on Alex. Ever since you got the call that morning, every cell in your body felt supercharged with excitement.

But now that the day was coming to an end, you could hardly stay awake enough to pay attention to the conversation.

Bobby, who was in your usual spot, pinched Luke’s arm. “Don’t jinx it, dude.”

“It’s not jinxing if you know for sure.” Luke said. “I mean, we’re awesome! And we’ve worked so hard to get to this point. It’s all gonna pay off.”

As much as you wanted to believe him, you were still nervous. There was nothing you were prouder of than your music, and you knew that a crowd that big would be good for gaining a lot of new fans. But the idea of that many people seeing you perform and hearing your lyrics was nerve-wracking.

You could tell the others felt the same way. Bobby was biting his nails, Alex was bouncing his leg so hard it almost hit the table and Reggie was slumped against the wall. Luke just stared at all of you, his bright smile never fading.

He snapped his fingers so loud that you jumped at the noise, then he started digging in his pockets. “I know what’ll cheer you guys up.”

Luke pulled out a safety pin, then brought its point down into the table, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in concentration. After a few minutes, he brushed off the table and presented his design proudly. It was four words in huge slanted letters.

‘SUNSET CURVE WAS HERE’

“Seriously, Luke?” Alex said, his eyes wide. “Cece’s gonna kill you!”

Luke just smirked and handed him the pin, gesturing to the space under the words. “‘C’mon, man. You’re up first.”

It took a lot of convincing, but Alex eventually gave in, and one by one, you all signed your names.

‘Alex,

Bobby

Reggie

Luke

(Y/N)’

You heard the sound of Cece’s heels hitting the floor as she exited the kitchen. Panicking, you shoved the pin in your pocket just in time as she came up to the table. 

Before she could even see that anything was different, Reggie pointed at Luke.

“He did it!”

Cece frowned before inspecting the table, letting out a deep sigh and putting her hands on her hips.

“Are you vandalizing my diner, Patterson?”

Luke paled. “It was a group effort.”

“But it was your idea,” Alex said with a smirk, no doubt trying to pin the blame on Luke to keep his spot as Cece’s favorite. You had to bury your head into his shoulder to contain your laughter.

You could tell from the way that she was struggling to keep a straight face that Cece wasn’t actually mad but you weren’t gonna tell Luke that. He tried to kick Alex’s leg under the table but he hit yours instead. You hissed in pain and Luke paled even further.

“Shit, sorry, (Y/n).”

“And abusing my staff?” Cece joked, shaking her head.

Luke flashed her a charming smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, Cece. Just got a little excited.”

“I can see that.” She laughed then turned to you. “Hey. Get up. I got you something.”

You looked up at her in confusion but she didn’t offer you any answer as you dragged yourself up. Cece pulled a small blue box out from behind her back and handed it to you. “What’s the occasion?”

Cece rolled her eyes. “Just open it.” 

The first thing you saw was a folded piece of paper with your name on it, under it was a silver key. You picked it up and held it in between your fingers as you carefully unfolded the paper to see three words in Cece’s careful handwriting.

just in case

You looked up at her, eyebrows knitted together. “Cece?”

She just winked as she put her hand on your cheek. “Honey, you know that I couldn’t have more faith in you and your rockstar dreams. But just in case things don’t work out...well, I couldn’t imagine giving this place to anyone else.”

You flew into her arms and hugged her so tight it was a little painful. Of course, all you wanted was for Sunset Curve to get signed to a label and take over the world. But this place was like home to you and the idea of owning it some day made your heart swell. “Thank you!”

The booth erupted in cheers and Cece playfully glared at them as she tucked you under her arm. “But you have to promise you’ll keep these boys of yours from doing any more damage to the property.”

Bobby scoffed. “Hey, we’re not-”

You slapped your hand over his mouth before nodding at Cece. “I’ll try my best.”

The bell on the door jingled to announce the arrival of another customer, and Cece left to greet them. You twirled the key around in your hand and looked at the boys' smiling faces, unable to hide your own.

As you settled back in the booth and took a sip of your milkshake, you couldn’t help but feel like everything was coming together.

2020

L.A was somehow so different, yet exactly the way you remembered.

The way the bright lights flooded the streets, to the way that every surface you see was decorated with a piece of art, made you anxious to re-explore the city you loved so much. 

You couldn’t help but stare through your swinging legs at the crowds walking around below, listening to the soft buzzing of the Orpheum’s sign above your head.

An hour ago when Luke had suggested walking around the city, you figured you would end up here eventually. But now that you were actually here, you couldn’t help the hollow feeling that settled in your stomach.

It must’ve shown on your face because Luke launched into one of his motivational speeches. “C’mon, guys. I know being dead wasn’t our first choice. But you gotta admit, it is easier to get around.”

Reggie pouted. “Easy for you maybe. I lost my shirt on that one.”

You hadn’t even noticed that he was shirtless until it reappeared in a flash and he sighed in relief.

“So, why did you bring us here?” Alex asked Luke. “Just another painful reminder of where we never got to play?”

You smiled sarcastically. “Yeah, thanks, Luke.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Because, we’re not done yet!”

He slung his arm around Alex’s shoulder, and gripped yours as he poofed you all down to the sidewalk, pulling away from you as fast as possible once your feet were back on the ground.

“I’m telling you.” Luke said. “We’ve been given a second chance. Let’s go see how many clubs we can hit before sunrise!”

He started walking down the street and Reggie was quick to follow, leaving you and Alex behind. As you watched them skip down the sidewalk, Alex let out a sharp ‘hey!’ and you whipped around to see him rubbing his shoulder.

A man in a long black suit stared straight into your eyes before tipping his hat to Alex and disappearing down the street. Every hair on your body stood on end as you stared at the spot where he was just standing.

“That was weird.” You said, turning to Alex. “You okay?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m good.”

You could hear Luke and Reggie’s excited shouting as they ran down the street, but you and Alex kept your distance. He reached his arm out to you and you took it automatically.

Over the last six months, Alex had become your best friend. You had always been close but last summer when things got bad with his parents, he turned to you.

And when things started to get weird between you and Luke or you had a fight with your mom, Alex was the only one you wanted to talk to. 

“Alright.” Alex sighed. “Out with it.”

“Out with what?”

“I know you’re dying to talk about Luke.”

“I am not!”

Alex raised his eyebrows, clearly not convinced.

“Besides, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Nothing-” He took in a sharp breath. “(Y/n), for someone so smart, you’re acting like a dumbass.”

You put a hand on your chest, dramatically gasping. “Alexander Mercer! I had no idea you were capable of using that kind of language.”

He flashed you his middle finger before unlocking his arm from yours and pulling you into his side. “Seriously though. What’s rolling around up there?”

You were quiet for a few minutes as you rested your head on his shoulder. “I just want to know what I did, you know?” 

Alex nodded, but didn’t say anything, as he knew that you were just getting started.

“I mean, he’s always been there. He's always been my person. The one who I could count on for anything. Then that night in the studio, I thought…” 

You trailed off and Alex held you a little tighter. Even though he wasn’t there, he could probably describe that night in exact detail from the amount of times you had told him about it. “I just miss him."

“Yeah, I know.” Alex said, his eyes glued to Luke’s back. “But, hey, you know that he loves you, and that didn’t change because of one night.”

He started to say something else but cut himself off as he saw Reggie and Luke approaching, both with big, goofy smiles. Reggie took your arm that wasn’t around Alex’s back and locked it in his.

“What are you guys talking about?” He asked.

“Nothing!” You said way too fast, cringing to yourself as you dragged Reggie down the sidewalk. “Come on, Reg. Let’s go see if that old comic book shop is still around.”

As the night wore on, you became more and more thankful that you weren’t able to get tired.

You spent the whole night sneaking into concert venues, clubs, and pretty much any place you wanted now that there was no chance of getting caught. It wasn’t until you passed a small street-side café that you let yourself think about the one place you hadn’t been yet.

Cece’s Diner.

When Julie told you it had been 25 years, you assumed that it had closed down. That Cece had moved away. Maybe even reconnected with her son and lived out her life. It seemed like such a perfect thought that you didn’t want to ruin it with reality. 

But now that you had seen the way things had changed in the time you had been gone, you were now filled with a sense of urgency. You launched up the sidewalk until you were in front of the boys.

“Hey, guys?” You asked. They all stared at you curiously as a smile slowly spread across your face. “Anyone up for milkshakes?”

-

When you walked up to the diner - for only an instant - it was as if no time had passed. You felt the urge to run inside, throw your hair up in a ponytail, and make a beeline for the kitchen before you got in trouble for being late for your shift. 

Only as you got closer, you realized how much had changed. The building, which had always been a little ordinary and worn like a well-loved home, now felt about twenty stories tall. You dragged yourself forward toward the door, unable to look away.

The boys lingered behind you, but no one said a word. 

Your hand reached for the doorknob before you remembered that you wouldn’t actually be able to touch it.

I really gotta get used to that, you mumbled to yourself as you walked through the door.

It looked so different that you almost didn’t recognize it.

The bright blue paint had been replaced with brown on every wall, bookshelves lined the corners of the room, and long leather couches had replaced the booths and tables. The old jukebox had disappeared, and some old jazz song was playing over speakers over your head.

“Can I help you?” 

A voice asked from behind the counter. It was a boy that looked a little older than you, messy black hair and an uninterested smile. He dragged a blue pen across the margins of a book as he waited for your answer.

“You can see us?” Alex asked, to which the boy rolled his eyes.

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” He said, raising his eyebrows when you all failed to answer either of his questions.

“My, my. Aren’t we chatty.”

“Who are you, exactly?” You said, trying to mask your annoyance with a smile.

“Teddy.” He said, pushing himself off the counter and making his way around until he stopped just a few feet ahead of you. “And you’re (Y/n).”

A shiver ran down your spine. “How do you know that?”

“You were a friend of my grandma’s.”

Before you could ask what the hell he meant by that, a man came walking out of the kitchen. He looked so much like Cece that it made your stomach flip. It was her son.

And as you looked back at Teddy, your mind slowly connected the dots. “You’re Cece’s grandson?”

He nodded.

“Okay, this is just too weird.” You said as you rubbed your temples. There was no way that this was actually happening, right? Maybe you somehow fell asleep and are having some weird ghost dream. 

“Okay, well I definitely feel old.” Alex sighed.

Your head was spinning. “What is even happening right now.”

Teddy smiled. “Well, it’s too bad we’re dead or else I would buy you coffee and explain it to you.”

You internally cringed at his pick-up line but you couldn’t help but laugh a little. Normally, random guys flirting with you made you uncomfortable but behind his cocky attitude, he seemed like a genuine guy.

Maybe it was the way that he twirled his pen between his fingers the way that Cece used to, but something told you that there was more to him than meets the eye.

Before you could answer, Luke spoke up. “Well, it was nice meeting you. But we really should be getting back home.”

You could see that he was right as the pale light came in through the windows as the sky started to lighten.

But you couldn’t help but notice that this was the first time he had interjected in the conversation since you got there, and a small part of you wondered if that had anything to do with the way that Teddy was staring at you.

You shook those thoughts from your head, giving Teddy a soft smile.

“Maybe next time.”

Though you weren’t capable of getting cold, you still shivered a little as you walked through the door and back out onto the street. You could feel Luke’s eyes on the side of your face, flickering down to the sidewalk when he saw you looking.

You gave him a light nudge on the shoulder, and he gave you a soft smile that you couldn’t quite decipher the meaning behind.

That was pretty much all you got from Luke these days.

“So,” Luke said, his enthusiasm returning in full force as he threw his arms over Alex and Reggie’s shoulders. “I think it’s safe to say we’re officially back in business.”

-

The second that you landed in the studio, your jaw dropped.

Julie was sitting at the piano, her voice shaky but full of passion as she belted out the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard. Her fingers hit the keys expertly and you smiled.

You closed your eyes, listening to her voice echo through the room and getting lost in the warm feeling the lyrics filled you with. It wasn’t until she stopped singing and sniffled quietly that your heart dropped.

Both you and Alex surged forward to comfort her but Luke shook his head and swirled his finger, signaling to meet up outside. You wanted to protest. To stay and comfort your new friend.

But Julie sniffled again and you thought that maybe it would be a good idea to give her space. You made a mental note to talk to her later and poofed out of the garage.

-

In Life, In Death Taglist:

@ifilwtmfc @instabull @wanniiieeee @tenaciousperfectionunknown

JATP Taglist:

@caitsymichelle13

Let me know if you want to be added!

[lunarblazes]

i made a desertduo playlist and then decided to be a nerd and write explanations for all the songs! like a nerd!

playlist link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZGylutQpyTbgX7MY7Lrzz?si=t8_kBwBHSYG5kxTvZoIrTQ&dl_branch=1

QUICK DISCLAIMER: i am aware that a lot of these songs may have or imply romantic connotation! i would really really like it if these were not read as though those romantic connotations carry over to scar and grian. even if we’re just talking about the third life characters, i would prefer not to ship them or imply romance between them on this post. thank you so much and keep reading if you’d like to see the playlist analysis!

and now that that’s out of the way, PLAYLIST TIME!

•

passerine- the oh hellos

“you were the song that i’d always sing/you were the light that the fire would bring/but i can’t shake this feeling that i/was only pushing the spear into your side again”

this song really just... firstly, it’s one of my favorite songs, and the line i chose there pushes home the sort of terrified devotion i think the desert has. plus there’s a fun line about the cold wind blowing in from the north in the ending bits that i think very much fits their conflict with the red army, and a lot of legally obligated flight imagery that i need to have in every possible song because i’m a fuckin nerd.

•

no children- the mountain goats

“i hope that our few remaining friends/give up on trying to save us/i hope we come up with a failsafe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us”

i will admit that no children isn’t a perfect fit, but the general vibe of sort of defiant pessimism and betrayal fits very well with them! it’s very triumphant in its death, and i think that is very desertcore, because what’s more triumphantly dead than being the last duo left alive?

•

skulls- bastille

“when all of our friends are dead and just a memory/it’s always been just you and me/for all to see”

okay like this entire song is SO MUCH DESERT VIBES? LIKE SO MUCH. if i were to ever make an animatic for them i’d do it with this song. “a match is our only light, it’s day of the dead i’m indiana jones, yeah,” “i hope you can make me laugh six feet under when we’re bored of each other,” “i don’t want to rest in peace, i’d rather be the ghost that annoys you,” IT JUST KEEPS GOING. i think this song would work well with any third life duo, honestly, but these two in PARTICULAR just because of how it ended with them literally ‘buried’ next to each other, and again, the chaotic death vibes.

•

freaking out- mystery skulls

“i just keep out of my tongue/til all you want is done/and you just wanna leave me, oh yeah”

this song is a very third life grian song to me in particular! it could be my bias because of my little headcanon of grian burning on his red life, but seriously, this song is very reminiscent of the back and forth of loyalty that grian has with scar. the above line is sort of representative of the betrayal on red, and of course grian’s life debt.

•

night running- shin sakiura

(this song is in japanese! these lyrics are the rough english translation i found on google.) “someday we will stand at this place once again/for sure we will stand up again and again/we will watch it will the end/i want you to live freely”

this song is actually the ending theme for the anime bna, which i adore, and i just added it on a whim before looking at the translated lyrics. but um. holy hell the lyrics hurt me because they’re about running in search of someone, running for no reason, looking for something, and it just really hit, because the desert never really had a goal! they didn’t expect to survive, they were trying to survive, but what was their longterm goals? nothing. so that sort of endless search felt fitting for this. plus the song is a parallel for the two estranged best friends of the show so! perfect.

•

summer nights- siames

“it’s summertime/singing al green in your car/heading to a party/and the night air feels alive”

okay again, i will admit this song is mainly on here because i absolutely love it, but i also do think it fits well. it’s also about healing/estranged friendships, with a very distinct feeling of nostalgia for a happier time. maybe for a time when this was all a game, when there was no blood or betrayals on their hands. little canon divergent, but it’s fun for me, so into the playlist it goes!

allies or enemies- the crane wives

“are we allies or enemies/this will be the death of me, this will be the death of me/all’s fair in love and war but i can’t fight with you anymore”

. i just. points to that lyric. it literally led to both of their deaths. are they allies or enemies? it also fits with scar still wanting grian to be his friend even after he’s no longer indebted with the line “what happens now? do we have another go, do we bow out?” another very good animatic song that i’ve considered heavily. i listen to this playlist a lot

•

burn him down- kitsch club

“you must destroy, oh you must destroy, beyond all recognition/you gotta burn him down, you gotta burn him down, beyond all recognition”

this song just has a lot of fire and arson and high energy vibes. my little war criminals look at them go

•

rose- the oh hellos

“what's true is like a sickle/it'll cut you to the middle/your rose is without a thorn/but no, my mouth don't taste of metal/from the pot here to the kettle/i think we got a lot we gotta learn”

this one is like the exact opposite vibe of burn him down. the oh hellos are so poetic and this song just... feels like the healing potions after a battle. many of the metaphors here fit, i think

•

lone digger- caravan palace

“hey, brother, what you thinking/that good ol' sound is ringing/they don't know what they're missing/(they call it lonely diggin')”

okay this song is straight up just a dance song. i added it because i like it and also for some reason it feels ominous to me? i’ve got no idea why, it’s seriously just a club song, but it’s a banger and it’s in this playlist because i said so

•

feed the machine- poor man’s poison (suggested by my friend argonaughtkeene!)

“somethin’s goin” on, just look around/fear is on the rise, and there’s blood all over the ground/let’s all just blindfold the poor, we all know what’s in store/ we got ‘em now, just break ‘em down a little bit more”

this song is a VIBE for both desertduo members. there’s parts for both of them. it’s ruthless, gritty, very maniacal, perfect. listen to it and you’ll immediately understand why i added it.

•

sweet tooth- scott helman

“i hold hands with cosmic entities/i’ll take this two-ride if i please/i got this sweet tooth baby, yeah i got this sweet tooth baby/i exploit my opportunities/some broken hearts, some cavities”

sweet tooth is super upbeat and bright with these strangely dark lyrics? like i’m pretty sure it’s about addiction. in any case, i thought the “i hold hands with cosmic entities” very funnily fitting for both of the desert boys. it’s a banger!

•

necromancin’ dancin’- bear ghost

“when i’m necromancin’, everyone’s dancin’/nobody can stop me, i dare you to try/the dead are infused with insatiable groove and they’re coming for you, there’s nowhere to hide”

necromancin’ dancin’ just. bastard vibes. there’s not much more to say it’s just huge villain song vibes. i adore it.

•

crazy = genius- panic! at the disco

“if crazy equals genius/then i’m a fucking arsonist/i’m a rocket scientist/if crazy equals genius/you can set yourself on fire/but you’re never gonna burn, burn, burn”

i. yeah. y. yeah. more bastard vibes. also shoutout to an artist i saw (i think it was strifesolution?) who made a desertduo piece to this song because i have not stopped thinking about it ever

•

sweet bod- lemon demon

“i’m diggin’ up your coffin/and pouring out the contents/your sexy, sweet solution/is ripe for distribution”

you know how i said freaking out was a grian song? this one is a scar song. it’s my favorite lemon demon song and also it has the total macabre capitalism vibe that third life scar NAILED. more bastard vibes good for him <3

•

drunk- the living tombstone

“feel so much better than usual/i feel indisputable, oh/but now i’m feeling so beautiful/don’t wake me up from this spell i’m under, if i’m still breathing/i know that i will be ugly when i feel like myself again, oh/but right now i’m feelin’ so beautiful”

the descent of this song, starting off with a polite gathering and ending with a gasping drunk in the parking lot gazing at the stars that he can barely see? yes. yeah. mhm. i used a line from this song for a fic, actually, it fit so well.

•

oh no!- marina

“one track mind, one track heart/if i fail, i’ll fall apart/maybe it is all a test/cos i feel like i’m the worst so i always act like i’m the best”

bubbly pop track about false confidence, the ruthlessness of the pop industry, and the influence of the media? you know why this is here. it vibes. it rocks.

•

do it all the time- i don’t know how but they found me

“we’re taking over the world/a little victimless crime/and when i’m taking your innocence/i’ll be corrupting your mind/no need to cry i’m only doing everything i want to do because i do it all the time”

EVEN MORE BASTARD VIBES! SOMEHOW THERE IS MORE! this playlist is half villain songs and half heart-wrenching ballads and that’s the real desert experience i think.

•

the phoenix- fall out boy

“i’m gonna change you/like a remix/then i’ll raise you/like the phoenix”

BATTLE SONG BATTLE SONG! i’ll be honest i partially chose this song because i am a huge sucker for phoenix grian imagery in particular, but it’s also just a very good war song for them. villain song no 18372948 except this one originally had a hero vibe and now it’s changed specifically for them?? wild. their power

•

the other side- the greatest showman

“right here, right now/i’ll put the offer out/i don’t wanna chase you down, i know you see it/you run with me/and i can cut you free/out of the treachery/and all you keep in”

scar and grian’s desert monopoly conversation went exactly like this canonically because i said so fuck you <3

•

icicles- the scary jokes (suggested by my friend demizorua!)

“icicles don’t soften when they die/so why should i, why should i?/oh, icicles don’t soften when they die/they sharpen into sabers and they stab you in the eye”

this song actually has specific parts for both grian and scar! my cool epic friend mx demizorua pointed both of them out to me and i adored it so much. it’s a very spiteful song, just like the desert boys. also it feels vaguely murderous. perfect

•

problems- mother mother (suggested by my friend demizorua!)

“i’m a loser, a disgrace/you’re a beauty, a luminary, in my face”

literally this entire song fits them. particularly their relationship with the flower husbands, to me, honestly— the whole “when we meet at the pearly gates/you’ll get the green light/and i’ll get the boot in the face” reminds me a lot of them hdksjdks

•

tongues and teeth- the crane wives

“i know that you mean so well/but i am not a vessel for your good intent/i will only break your pretty things/i will only wring you dry of everything”

h. yeah. this song is literally gaslight gatekeep girlboss and i attribute it to the desert for that reason alone. songs to commit murder to!

•

you’re nobody til somebody wants you dead- saint motel

“you’re nobody til somebody wants you dead/and the list, it grows, and grows, and grows/it grows, and grows, and grows/and grows, and grows, and grows/until it’s everyone you’ve ever known”

this one is very self-explanatory. enemies pogchamp

•

curses- the crane wives

“there’s a fire in my brain and i’m burning, love/oh my, oh my/keep running to the sink, but the well is dry/oh my, oh my/every word i say is kindling/but the smoke clears when you’re around”

okay again! this one has two very specific parts for both of them. grian’s the first verse, which is above, and scar’s the second verse!! i really do like my fire imagery for these two don’t i? well, i blame them for having a fuck ton of tnt on them at all times and literally burning their enemy’s banners as a final act of defiance.

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Elija Mikaelsaon Dating a Black S/O Headcanons

Did anyone ask? No, did I deliver? Yes.

- Alright, so Elijah and the Mikaelson’s have been alive for a while. Never got a specific date, but we have vikings. And as Elijah has been alive for a minute, he’s had flings, situationships, lovers, and at some point out knight in shinning armor was probably a fuck boy… don’t @ me.

- What I’m trying to say is man probably did it all, Asian, Latinx, Caucasian and African American and maybe even African and Caribbean… Maybe even fucked around with his sexuality for a second because he got it like that and the writers were too pussy to put this shit on

- Tbh probably the originals tried all the genders and non-genders, change my mind. But elijah strikes me as a free for all who loves something refreshing that’ll take him out of Klaus’s bullshit for a minute

- But here’s were this shit gets spicey… Elijah… with a black s/o….. Just hear me out poc who been waiting for someone to give them good fucking food on poc x tvd/ the originals, I got y’all… unless college comes back.

- OK so, I feel like if you’re rocking with Elijah he’d dress you up and ice you out because he can. Nothing under $5,000 for his s/o… We talking furs, diamond, real leather, snake skin, hell even a whole ass snake if you wanna be on your Bruce Wayne shit一 better yet, your T’challa shit with a whole ass panther (black panther ain’t real soooo y’all can get a black puma and call that bitch a panther lmfaoooooo)

- He’s asking you to a dinner date and then you say you’re ready…. Wearing pretty little things…. Missguided… honey. (Nah ain’t shit wrong wit those brands, they be having bangers tbh and sales like a bitch) Let him upgrade youuuuuuu. You only wear Givenchy, Yves Saint Laurent, Burberry, Balmain, etc. Try walking out there looking a damn mess and distasteful… just try it sis 

- Speaking of which… my mans got you with hair too! Fuck you mean ?1?! 

- He had a black s/o in the past, even though her hair had loose curls… we won’t discredit her. He has some knowledge on how curl hair works, and if he’s lacking, he as a whole library and might fuck around and ask Bonnie in exchange for some witchy ingrdients (im cdfuuuuuu)

- Name, braids, twists, locs, finger waves. Wanna shave bald??? He’s for it, let him get you his barber. Fuck it, he’ll get you Marcel’s barber. Lined up and all that shit, throw in a fade too

- And coming in for wash day, he’s sitting behind you days in advance helping you take down your hair after a month or two. Grey sweatpants, scissors in hand, spray bottle to the side with Netflix as background music…. Fuck with it. You’re all tired after doing like 8 and he tells you to take it easy, with vamp speed and the deterixty of those fingers…. *chefs kiss*

- He sets up a lil wash day station for you, or if he’s on the clock just books a whole salon for you alone already paid for. But if he’s doing the work, best believe he spent the coinssss COINS for the organic shampoo shit you have the refrigerator and the deep conditioner, AND THE FUCKING LEAVE IN. He’s keeping your shit moisturized in the winter. His big hands and gentle fingers helping detangle your hair, you in a fluffy robe, enjoying being loved on….

- Y’all didn't even get me started on him doing twists… or plaits, or the bantu knots, the concentration on his face

- IDK why I gotta say this… nails done too, he loves the feel of your nails gliding on his scalp and down on his back when he’s giving you those slow strokes. 

- This doesn’t have to do with anything, but the fact that the originals were set in New Orleans which is mostly BLACK BLACK BLACK BLAAACCCKKKKK and I saw like 3 black people in that bitch, ong….. Julie Pleck, you basic bitch

- Anyways, I feel like Elijah in a trench coat coming to pick you up from work would be such a vibe and a mood. Like, he knows when you get off and you might just take public transportation or something to have some sort of independence. But he shows up after work when you’re leaving with some friends from work…. Nigga shows up in a dark blue cadillac, trenchcoat with the collar up, leather gloves… and a fresh cut

- Who tf let him out the house??

- And ik you’re friends trifling too asking who is he, a damn fine tall glass of milké

- And he’s just leaning against the door waiting for you and once he sees you, he waits for you expectedly and kisses your forehead in greeting and gets the door for you

- Speaking of driving, Elijah be too damn serious, and that’s were you come in. 

- I need him and the Miakelson’s at a cookout doing line dancing, the electric slide, cupid shuffle (and give Rebekak some goddamn friends shit, she everyone stay chasing love and shit but have 0 friends and boundaries, they drag family though the mud) 

- Like I need him out his suit and in some dark jeans, a solid white v-neck, rolex on his wrist, and white air forces

- Sitting there, kinda out of place until he settles in. Like I deadass see him asking where the tables are at the cookout and like… you break it to him he’s gonna have to do the table legs for that shit

- And the plastic cutlery! LMFAOOOOO his soul is slightly quaking

- And its finna be a whole ass test when an uncle comes up and grabs him by the shoulder in a greeting and tries to fill in the seat for spades or even worse…. Dominoes…. That’s it. It’s over. Elijah been alive for too long and knows every play in the book and can bluff his ass off

- But if we talking dominoes… we gon have the boondocks animation version of a nigga moments cuz y’all fights will be started, money will be lost…. To Elijah. In the end he gives it back bc he’s a good sport and bc humiliation is a greater victory 

- Lmfaoooo and the quiet drive back, you’re exhausted but the music station is playing throwbacks and Usher’s climax comes on and bitch… the high notes, the lamp posts that give you both a glimpse of each other’s side profiles. And for once Elijah is relaxed and coming down from his amusement. No one is trying to kill him or his siblings, and good food albeit greasy in his stomach.

- Dare he say he felt human for a moment

- You staring out the window and softly singing along enjoying what the day was, Elijah loving the ambiance created. Mmmmmm such a mood

- THAT BEING SAID imagine you and Elijah on a long drive and “I Mean It” by G- Eazy comes on and you start singing along bc data is expensive over long ass drives and being stuck in traffic. And Elijah is giving you a bemused look, you in all your glorious wonder and you just make the lyrics more dramatic ashit trying to be a heartbreaker and all that. But, the true heart breaker is Elijah

- He comes in on the verse and gives you all eye contact, lips completely sync but your can kinda hear his voice keep the tempo…. Bitch this makes me feel some type of way… and as he’s going on he grabs your face and tilts your chin up OOOOUUUU gets up all close and personal and finishes the lyrics which is perfectly timed with when the light turns green and turns back like nothing just happened. There yo are aping like a fish bc tbh if anyone could rap it’d probably be Kol, he’s like the emnemin mixed with busta rhymes type, but tone it down….

- Bitch imma go fantasize rapping Elijah, y’all been slept

- And for those asking yes, I do write for black readers, mor specifically female but I can try male

[randomshenaniganery]

If I somehow got into Obey me! Shall We Date part 2

Me and Levi while videoing Solomon: I wanna be the very best like no one ever was, to catch them is my real test to train them is my caUSe. My whole life was meant for this gonna show the wORLLD!!

M: Horny bastard literally and figuratively

M: So like for science do you have complete control over that tail? The fandom deems this as important knowledge

M: BARBATOS PLEASE COSPLAY AS SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS-yeah I know I call you him a lot but like PLEASE

M: Kuya from Ayakashi Romance Reborn is just what happens if you smush Beel and Belphie into one person

M: Beel... Look at your wings... They’re tiny... If you can actually fly I will single handedly try to murder God.

M: I don’t understand why you’re mad with all these pregnant jokes, I MEAN YOU GUYS TOLD ME THIS INFORMATION and think that I won’t use it????

M: Heaven is pretty controversial not gonna lie

M: Luke you are a baby not just cause your smol but because you think like a baby

M: HEY remember what I said about racism? Knock it off

M: Why do you like me? Like honestly just WHy

M: LMAo who thought that leaving me alive was a good idea

M: Levi I blame you for making me say LMAo outloud I used to only say lol or IDK 

M: I do have a least favorite brother but I’m not telling who because it would cause the same problems saying who my favorite brother is 

M: YOU FAKE MOTHERFUCKERs 

M: Sometimes I think I’m more of a demon than you guys are

M: I made a meme I think I’m going to die after this but I’m going to be very proud about dying and then I’ll see you later cause bitches know I’m going to end up in hell anyway

M: Is this real life? or is this fantasy? 

Me and Levi still videoing Solomon but now we’re all dancing and singing: Gotta catch’em all-gotta catch’em ALL POKEMON 

M: Satan for confirmation are you or are you not a furry? wait no put that knife down-

M: Beel please be my model for this drawing I have thanksiloveyoubye

M: Beel is definitely in my top three faves list you just have to figure out WHERe he is in that list

M: Levi I fucking told you to stop GATEKEEPing

M: What the fuck are you listening to Lucifer

M: I legit can’t listen to 40% of the songs I have in my playlist because they mention demons and I’m too embarrassed to listen to them now

M: Levi please let me sleep in your tub it honest to God looks so comfy-stop making faces when I mention God you KNOW that I’m atheist

M: Asmo hi please do my nails idk self care who dat bitch

M: ugh I have feelings and I HATE It

M: Am I a kuudere or a tsundere? I can’t tell but if it’s the latter I’m going to commit sui-wait no I’ll still end up in hell FUCK

M: I would never kiss anyone oh you’ll pay me? YOu never said where bitch-

M: I’m not greedy I’m just broke

M: See mammon gets it

M: Levi if you pay me I will draw Henry for you

M: Oh my god I’m henry 

M: Diavolo please let me adopt the giant snake in your labyrinth

M: Solomon I’m going to carefully watch you while you cook so that I can understand on what level can you fuck up food so bad

M: OH MY GOD ITS ALIVE

M: If I ate that apple I’m going to kill my clone because there can only be one

M: I really think that I’m more demon than you guys are 

M: Mass murder isn’t wrong if it’s in the name of God says the bible-stop it Luke I’m making a joke

M: Simeon tell me on what level of friendship do I get to call Lucifer Lucy

M: Satan there is literally no way for me to give you a new nickname

M: the angrier you get the more like Lucifer you sound so-HEY DON”T FLIP THE TABLE MY ONION RINGS

M: Belphie if you want humanity to die just make them all so lazy no one will ever get up 

M: I swear to God that I will not wake up the demon king-okay fine mentioning God’s name doesn’t actually make it more sincere fucking-

M: if any of you look at my reddit history its either I die or you die

M: Bleach is a very powerful weapon

M: Who the fuck designed your demon clothes

M: God is kinky confirmed

M: I want humans to know the existance of demons but I also don’t want Diavolo to be exposed to the horny ones-no I did not mean that literally

M: I know he’s supposed to be the Prince of Hell but I can’t stop visualizing him as a cuddly large demon teddy bear

M: I’m so mad that there aren’t that many stray cats in devildom What’s the fuck point

M: Barbatos if I give you a recipe will you finally answer that question about being a sadist or a masochist? No? goddamit

M: I was going to say goddamn you but clearly he already has

M: I’m going to contact a family therapist

M: Beel please carry me I want to feel tall for once

M: My neck hurts from looking at all of you

M: Belphie move over or I will crush you that’s my sleeping spot-yeah I know that’s Beel’s lap THAT’s THE WHOLE POINT

M: I am constantly in a state of surppressed rage so how do I feel satan?

M: I can’t take you seriously your name is Satan

M: heh-no I do not look like Barbatos shut the fuck up

M: I totally did not draw Lucifer in a comprimising position and sold it online 

M: Hi mammon it’s pretty high up huh?

M: Beel I won’t tell anyone if you share that pizza with me

M: it’s not bribery if its not money-that doesn’t work? fuck

M: My type is literally anyone who isn’t human so ya know sorry solomon

M: god made demons and decided that evil was an aesthetic

M: I know I sang and Satan will tear you limb from limb but I swear I just forgot about the lyrics and not that I actually think nah no I think you’ll actually do that I’m not apologizing for shit

M: I’m so nice, I’m a family therapist for free. You motherfuckers better fucking pay me

M: technically I can call the cops any time since you did kidnap me 

M: Oh my god the dads are coming * after seeing lucifer and diavolo walk up *

M: Diavolo don’t avoid the question who. is. the. top??? 

M: Levi I know you know what Archive of our Own is don’t lie to me

M: Every time I see Cerberus I have the urge to climb the highest thing in the vacinity

M: I love Hades but saying that here would just incriminate me and I don’t want to boost Lucifer’s ego

M: Lucifer as an angel I feel like he would be even more obnoxious what? nO put that ROPE DOWN NO KINKY TODAY-

M: * first time seeing asmo* are you gay or european? 

M: My life is constantly referencing memes

M: Solomon’s theme song is pokemon we’ve already decided on that

M: CREEPER AW MAN-

M: I don’t want you guys to sing because I will physically combust 

[blessedboo]

F&MU | Angel Reyes.

Angel Reyes x Reader

GIF Credit: To the original creator - (I think @angels-reyes​)

Summary: A situationship w/ Angel based on the lyrics of F&MU by Kehlani. 

Requested: No. 

Warnings: Swearing/Language. TOXIC. Mutual pining. Angsty. Smut (18+ NSFW Content) - on the rougher side, hate-fucking, light choking etc. 

Word Count: 1.7K - Got a lil’ carried away, hehe.

A/N: I want to emphasize that I do not condone nor romanticize this relationship! It was a perspective I wanted to explore, to try something new and get out of my comfort zone a little. This was a BITCH to write, I don’t deal with angst well + it’s my first songfic. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy reading it! 

We both know it's never really goodbye I swear it's like we do this all the time, yeah That shit be turnin' me on, I cannot lie, lie

“Say the words, and I’ll fucking leave,” Angel spat, his face inches away from yours.

Accompanying his dominating presence, ragged breaths furiously beat down on you. Maybe it was the way his dark eyes bore into yours with such intensity, maybe it was the gruffness of his post-sex voice; whatever it was, it turned you on. 

“Get the fuck out, Angel.”

In other words: stay. But, he didn’t have to know that. 

Angel’s eyes widened whilst his nostrils flared. You knew he wouldn’t like that answer, yet you gave it to him anyway. When Angel didn’t get what he wanted, it made it all the more fun when he did. With you, he took what he needed whenever he needed it, and you willingly gave yourself up for reciprocal pleasure. He wasn’t going to leave, he never could, and neither could you. 

A couple of hours? A few days? Sure. 

But, you always wound up in each other’s arms soon enough. Someone had to fuck the misery out of you, and it was always Angel.

In reality, the sex could only suffice for so long - it just made the emotional toll that much worse. The more you used each other, the greater the storm grew. 

As his jaw tightened, a darkness loomed over him. It was a shadow of pent-up frustration, weariness … and lust. He hated himself for giving into you, chasing you. Angel’s entire being was wholly infatuated. No, addicted. 

The damage was bad, but it hurt so good. 

Angel grunted as he spun you around and shoved you against the wall. His hard chest pushed closely against you from behind. Shaky breaths escaped your lips before you bit down on your bottom one. 

“Fuck,” you whimpered.

Angel buried his face into your neck, his lips sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin. His thick, ringed fingers slowly skimmed from the back of your bare thighs to the curve of your ass. The hem of your shirt rode up under his salacious touch, and stopped just above the lacy, red thong —  his favorite. 

Two fingers slithered through the slit of your clothed center, pushing upwards ever so slightly. As you gasped, you felt him smirk at the feel of your arousal before hooking onto the fabric and pulling them down the length of your legs.

“If you want this back,” Angel’s lips grazed your ear, his hushed, low tone sending shivers along your spine. 

“Come get it, baby.” 

Angel stuffed your panties into the inside of his kutte. The sound of his boots walking away resonated within the cold room, leaving you to your own devices. 

And can't nobody else do that for me Know I make it hard to ignore me Got the attitude, then put it on me Put it on me, yeah

The situationship you had with Angel was one that no former partner could compare to. Angel ignited a wildfire within you, an overwhelming flame that set your body, mind and soul ablaze. 

Playing with fire, you were bound to get burned. 

This back and forth was draining, but the need for each other was insatiable. If you two were going to go down, you were going to do it together. Especially if it meant him “going down” on you.  

You had each other in an unspoken claim, but neither of you were willing to commit. You two treaded the fine line between hot and cold, love and hate. 

Was it the fear of getting too intimate, too attached? Was it the impenetrable walls that had guarded both of your broken hearts? These were the questions you often asked yourself, but never long enough to consider being something real with Angel, something … fulfilling. 

Sex was just a means to an end - the end of being anything more. 

It was the other’s attention that you both craved. This was the fuel to the fire, a root to all of your fights more often than not. Selfishly and heartlessly, he did whatever he could to get yours, and vice versa. 

Whether it was Angel making out with a chick on his lap, or some dude grinding on you as you sat on the bar top, it was always a heated competition. There was no interest in either counterparts, but nothing riled Angel up more than another man’s hands all over what was his, and his only. 

By the end of night, a tipsy Angel was moody and broody, and that’s exactly what you wanted. Angel fucking you was at its best when he took his anger out, where aggression met fervour in a sensual dance of two naked, sweaty bodies. 

Angel’s primal instincts kicked in as he stormed over to you in full stride. His eyes never left yours, even while he yanked the guy away from you. Angel roughly grabbed onto your knees before spreading them apart and stepping in between. He had a possessive grip on your chin, tilting it upwards in an uncomfortable angle. 

“Traviesa,” he spoke through gritted teeth. “Mouth. Open.”

Angel’s thumb dragged across your bottom lip, and you did as you were told. He held your face in both hands as he sloppily tongued you down. He groaned while sucking on your tongue, pulling it in between his teeth until he finally let go. 

“If I ever catch you doing that shit again, I’ll be fucking her instead,” Angel pointed to the inebriated blonde he had left behind. “Got it?”

You nodded hastily, your lips slightly quivering at Angel’s behavior. Angel caught a glimpse of your actions, being one to notice everything about you. He sighed as his overpowering demeanor faded into an expression of hurt, a certain sadness hidden behind those brown eyes. 

Angel cupped your cheek before placing a soft, chaste kiss on your forehead. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, which was quickly replaced with a feeling of nothingness. 

“EZ will take you home tonight,” he said coldly. 

As your eyes shot open, you saw Angel had made his way back to her. 

"I hate you", turns into "I love you", in the bedroom We fuck and make up like it's Maybelline We do petty things Then mess up the sheets, yeah   Can't lie, the sex fire when you in your feels (woo) Spice it up a little (ooh) Yeah, you know the drill (know the drill)

You were straddled on top of Angel, buttons flying off of his flannel as you tore it off. Angel chuckled darkly as he thrusted his hard, clothed dick onto your panty-covered pussy. You moaned out his name, your nails dragging across his bare chest. Angel palmed your ass and groaned as he rolled his hips against yours, impatiently grinding into you from below. 

“Still hate me, mami?” 

Angel’s fingers roughly shifted your panties to the side, plunging two of them deep inside your cunt. His hand rubbed tight circles on your throbbing clit as he watched his rings dive deeper into your wet pussy. 

“Ah, yes!” You cried out as you finger-fucked yourself onto him. 

“Mm-hm. Then fuck me like you mean that shit,” Angel rasped against your lips, catching your moans in his mouth in a long, steamy kiss. His hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing gently as he pulled you closer. 

“I want you to ride me. Take that cock. Your cock, mami.”

You made quick work of freeing his thick, curved length, gasping as you finally slid onto him. Angel dangerously whispered a litany of filthy thoughts into your ear, thrusting himself as his cock helplessly twitched inside you. 

You whimpered, his thickness filling you to the brim over and over again. He drove his dick into you mercilessly, panting wildly with every brutal snap of his hips.

“Fuck. Fuuuck. My fucking pussy. I own it,” he growled. “Tell me it’s mine!”

Angel’s heavy hands groped the swells of your breasts, feverishly massaging and pinching your nipples with crazed purpose. Bringing one into his mouth, his tongue swirled seamlessly around it, providing a sensation of pain and pleasure as he tugged it in between his teeth. 

You shrieked in response. “It’s y-yours. All yours, baby. Ahh!”

Your pace quickened as you bounced up and down whilst fucking yourself onto him. Your walls clenched around him, squeezing him of his ability to hold on any longer. Angel hissed as he slapped your ass, lewdly spreading your ample cheeks apart, grunting as he saw his fat cock sinking into you, swallowing him whole. 

“What is? What’s mine? Oh shit, oh fuck.”

Slap!

“It’s this tight little pussy, right? Dripping onto me. Creaming my fucking cock. That’s what’s mine.”

Your sobs and whines made Angel throw his head back as he indulged in his euphoria, animalistically slamming himself into your needy cunt whilst chasing his release.  

“You’re gonna make me come, mi dulce. Make me come, that’s it. Just like that, fuck!” 

—

It had been a couple of minutes since you had collapsed into each other’s arms. Both of your backs rested against the headboard, the blanket loosely wrapped around your torsos. 

Angel sleepily took a drag off of his cigarette, a billow of smoke exhaled through his nose. He ran a frustrated hand over his face as he sighed deeply. 

“Who did you go out with tonight?” 

“Why does it matter, Angel?”

“It fucking does. I want an answer.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck you,” Angel agitatedly shifted onto his side, putting out the cigarette before switching the lamp off. 

This was nothing out of the ordinary. Simply how most days started, and most nights ended.

I make you mad, mad, mad Why I gotta fuck you up to make you fuck like that? Pickin' fights so you can put it down like that

With every kiss, poison lingered on your tongues as they clashed together. The mutual agony fed off of one another in meaningless throes of passion, your intricately woven bodies latching onto the delicious hurt of it all. 

As a consequence of trust issues and insecurities, neither of you felt worthy of the other, nor deserved a chance at true love. Not after treating each other the way you had been; it was too late - Angel was in too deep, and so were you. 

Because to you, having a warm body was better than having nobody. 

It destroyed him to be around you, but it killed him to be away. It was a vicious cycle, an unforgiving cyclone of toxicity. 

However, all is fair in love and war. And what a war it was.

____________________________________________

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[twink-frank]

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself  but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

[shattered-catalyst]

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

 Whomst can write it? 

Literally anyone as long as you 

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives 

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here* 

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD? 

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective. 

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical 

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

 ● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD. 

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly 

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum 

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it. 

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts 

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC 

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

 4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed 

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD. 

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts: 

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far. 

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples. 

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc 

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought. 

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions. 

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them. 

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form. 

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else 

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain. 

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain. 

Again for clarity's sake 

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff 

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals 

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD 

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything. 

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks. 

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered. 

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience. 

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong. 

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. 

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

 It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds. 

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful; 

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses. 

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that... 

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars. 

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity. 

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture. 

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ; 

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD), 

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment. 

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations. 

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses. 

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that. 

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety! 

OCD according to NIMH statistics 

1.2% Occurrence among US adults 

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults 

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism 

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

 Cyclops (Marvel)

[thrillridesz]

our song ▫ changmin

➳ pairing: idol!changmin x producer!reader ➳ genre: fluff ➳ word count: 2.1k ➳ requested?: yes

a/n: tbh i wasn’t too sure how to go about this request so i kind of just tried to think of some sort of plot to go with it and hopefully this isn’t trash ><

“Hey, we’re here. Wake up.”

Elbowing the sleeping figure next to him, Younghoon rolled his eyes as the latter shifted in his seat. As the others began to remove their seatbelts and disembark from the vehicle, Changmin rubbed his eyes lazily and barely even noticed how messy the other members were softly holding back their laughs at his atrocious ‘bed’ hair. Bleary-eyed and still relatively half asleep, he peered out the car window to see that the car had stopped outside an unassuming office building. 

“Oh? We’re here already?”

“Obviously. Let’s go, sleepyhead,” Haknyeon chuckled, pulling him at his wrist as everyone started to make their way in the building. 

Grunting, Changmin practically had to peel himself away from the comfort of his seat and as he plodded heavily behind the other members into the building, he felt like a complete zombie. He was lightheaded from fatigue, his dark circles were darker than ever and his voice was raw from the previous night’s stage. All in all, he was in no mood to participate in any recordings of any sort today. Yet, here he was in the recording studio, feeling like he would rather be anywhere but right there at that exact moment. 

Lounging on the couch in the waiting room as the other members chattered amongst themselves, Changmin watched as Younghoon disappeared into the recording room. He could briefly hear faint voices engaged in conversation from behind the door, no doubt exchanging pleasantries before the recording. Resting his head on the wall behind him, Changmin tried to ease himself back into slumberland. This was going to be a long day. Recordings usually take days and having heard the general tune of the new track, this one was definitely no exception. If anything, it might need a longer time to nail.

As he sat, Sangyeon and Chanhee were at a corner; trying to harmonise for the nth time and the frustration was becoming apparent on their face with each passing second. Thank goodness he had already practiced the night before. While the others had been busy catching up on their much needed rest, Changmin had been up singing. He had the tune on loop and at one point, he could have swore he almost sang his voice raw. He never liked going into practice or recording clueless or unprepared.

In a way, it could be both a blessing and a curse. The producers never did take very long with him but it also meant that his own perseverance costed him his rest. Closing his eyes, he mentally recited the lyrics again in his mind, rapping his fingers on the table to create a beat.

“Just gotta follow the beat,” he muttered softly to himself. He barely even noticed it but it wasn’t long before he slipped back into a nap.

A particularly loud shriek pierced through the quiet afternoon and in the tiny waiting room, it sounded even worse. Awaking with a start, he looked around wide eyed at the source of the sound.

“Chanhee, do you plan to scare us to death?” Juyeon asked, picking up his phone from the floor.

“Sorry, you guys.” The culprit apologised, a reddish tint appearing on his cheeks.

Changmin rubbed his face with his palms before gazing up at the clock and did a double take. It’s been a whole hour?

“Who’s in there?”

“Younghoon.” Eric replied matter-of-factly.

“Still?”

“Yeah, not sure why either.” The boy shrugged before turning back to his phone.

Just as he said that, the door creaked open and out stepped Younghoon.

“Really sorry for how long that took! Thank you!”

There was a sheepish expression on his face as he trudged towards the rest and as soon as the door closed behind him, he plopped himself down on the couch with a sigh, causing it to dip down with his weight.

“You guys...”

“What is it?”

“Would you guys believe me if I say the producer is probably the most beautiful person I’ve ever met?”

There were several hoots that followed as someone threw pillow at his face which he blocked, a chuckle escaping from his lips. 

“I’m serious!”

“You better be,” Sunwoo retorted, a cheeky grin on his face. 

Changmin observed the banter between the other boys with a slight smile. Sometimes, he wondered how he got so lucky to be able to become band mates with these people. Sure, they may be crackheads but they were the best kind of crackheads he could hang out with. 

“Ji Changmin?” A soft voice called from the room.

As he stood up, Hyunjae said in a teasing tone, “Help us check if the producer’s really as pretty as Younghoon said.”

“You guys are such weirdos.” Changmin laughed, rolling his eyes.

Stepping into the room, he felt that same sense of awe he had right from the very first time he had entered a recording studio. The sight of the professional mics and sound panel in the room never failed to install a certain of excitement in him. It brought a surreal feeling which he thoroughly enjoyed and immediately, every shred of fatigue in him evaporated. 

“Hello! I’m Changmin. I’m really excited to be-”

When he looked up, he suddenly felt his words get caught at the back of his throat. His heart began to beat rapidly and he was almost positive that everyone else could hear it. His outstretched hand was frozen in place all of a sudden and he could feel a shiver run down his spine when you clasped your hands in his to give him a handshake.

“I’m y/n, the producer. Whenever you’re ready, just head into the recording room and we’ll get started.” You shot him a warm smile and he had to hold onto the table to prevent his legs from giving way.

Younghoon really wasn’t lying. You were a complete stunner. Everything about you is exactly his type and he didn’t even know he had a type to begin with. 

“Are you ok? You seem a little pale.” 

It took Changmin a moment to regain his composure and realise that he had been spacing out. Wishing that he hadn’t been staring, he shook his head quickly and stepped into the recording room. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off you. The way you swept your hair up into a neat, little ponytail was just about the most elegant thing he had seen. The way your fingers twirled the pen in your hand was suddenly extremely cool to him even though he had seen other people do it loads of time. 

“Whenever you’re ready, try singing out verse 3.” You said from the other side of the glass panel, flashing him a thumbs up cue.

Changmin stared at the lyric and music sheets in front of him as he placed the earphones over his ears. The words were starting to look foreign to him and he realised with a start that it was due to his nerves. His heart was still beating as furiously as ever and it was making him disoriented. 

He is acting like a teenage boy with a tremendous crush! He really thought he was above all of this but apparently not.

Lifting his gaze up to you, his breath hitched when the two of you made eye contact. He could really get lost in those eyes of yours if he wasn’t more careful. As Changmin began to belt out his part of the song, he realised to his horror that he was going completely off key. 

No, no, no. This isn't supposed to happen. He’s supposed to have had it in the bag. He stayed up all night for this for pete’s sake and now it is all out the window just like that. What made it even worse was when he dared to peek up at you and he felt his heart fall with a messy splat at the confused and puzzled expression on your face. The heat was quickly spreading from his neck and up to his cheeks and before long, they were burning. 

“Um... I think we should try that again? This time, maybe lower your pitch a little and maybe drag out the last part more.” You said encouragingly but all Changmin could think of was how much he wanted to bury a hole for himself to fall into. 

“Are you nervous?”

He whipped his head up to see you standing in front of him with a concerned look, separated by the glass. 

“I... I...”

“Take a deep breath,” you said softly, your voice soothing and comforting. 

Changmin isn’t usually one to believe in taking deep breaths to sooth his nerves but this time, he did as he was told. As he inhaled, he tried his best to calm his own nerves with his fists clenched at his sides and eyes closed. Exhaling, he opened his eyes to see you looking at him with a smile and immediately, he felt his heart jump. 

“Feeling better? Less nervous? You don’t have to be. I get that this track is a little harder to sing so don’t be afraid of making mistakes!”

How can I not be nervous when you’re here?

“Yeah, I guess I am.” A weak smile tugged at his lips.

“Awesome. Let’s get to it.” You chirped and began to reset the sound systems to start the recording again. 

As he waited, Changmin couldn’t help but let his eyes follow your every move. What is it about you that has him so smitten? The more he looked at you weirdly, the more he began to feel slightly less jittery. It was as if being with you felt comfortable. He may be anxious but fundamentally, he felt safe around you. It was unlike any of his previous recording sessions whereby the producer would usually stare him down with hardened gaze, always so ready to point out his flaws and criticise him instead of simply telling him. There was an odd sense of calm that suddenly overwhelmed him and when you gave him the cue to sing, he sang. 

This time, his voice didn’t waver at all, keeping its steadiness throughout. The words rang clear and crisp in the tiny room and flowed gently to the tune, each pitch brought to perfection just like how he had practiced and perfected. As he sang, he held your gaze and for a moment, it felt like there could have been a karmic connection between the two of you. It was like the two of you were exchanging something passionate just through your stares and it not only emboldend Changmin but it also sent a tingly sensation through his body. 

When he finished his verse, you had to look away quickly because of just how intense everything had felt. The way he had looked at you felt so intimate and affectionate that you didn’t know what to do. Sure, you’ve always liked him and he always was one of your favourite members from The Boyz and you may or may not have freaked when you found out you were to work with them but this was different. It felt like the two of you had something for a moment. 

“T-That’s great. I think we’ve got it.” You stuttered.

His eyes widened as he asked, “Really?”

“Yes.” You said hastily before adding, “You were amazing but now I think it’s Jacob’s turn.” 

Changmin could only smile at your words but internally, he felt a small tinge of paranoia in him. Were you saying that because you didn't want to be around him anymore? Did you think he was weird?

“I don’t think you’re weird at all,” you said in a surprised voice.

Crap. He must have been thinking out loud without even realising it!

“Ah, that’s... that’s good I guess.”

“You were exceptional. Don’t ever think otherwise.” You replied softly, looking away as if you were too shy to look into his eyes. 

It took Changmin a moment to register what you had said and when he did, a grin brighter than the sun began to spread across his face. 

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

There was a brief silence between the two of you and never in his life had he ever felt a tension so thick in the air. It wasn’t an uncomfortable sort of tension but rather one that made him feel all soft and jelly inside. 

You cleared your throat and said, “I’m going to call for Jacob?”

As you reached for the door, Changmin blurted out, “ Can we hang out after this?”

Once the words were out of his mouth, he felt in his heart that those were the very same words he had wanted to say, the very question that had been at the back of his mind the moment he laid eyes on you.

Your heart felt like it was soaring as you turned to him, your cheeks beginning to burn as a small spark of happiness bloomed rapidly in your chest. 

“Hang out?”

“Yes,” he smiled and those dimples could have been the death of you if you were a little more flustered. “Hang out together. I’d love to get to know you better, y/n.”

[cowboyified]

Below are some WIPs I’m releasing into the wild. They were all written at different times over the past two years so any mistakes/cliches you can blame on past June, I don’t know them. 

Go, be free.

This first one I think is the one I’m most fond of. I had such a vision for it; bottlecaps in trees, river swimming, making out against the fridge, all that good stuff you get with weecest. 

The summer Sam is seventeen they stay in one place for long enough Dean starts referring to it as ‘home’. 

It’s an old farmhouse, miles from any other structure, bar an outhouse and hay shed. There’s a porch running the length of the front and back, the wooden boards pulled up from their nails, wavy with the weather. Weatherboard paint peeling, wallpaper inside torn and missing in most places. 

They’re squatting, technically. The property owned by a family saved by hunters once, friends of friends of Bobby’s, too distraught by what they’d witnessed to raise their kids on cursed land. Dean had told Sam that Dad had been told by Bobby that had been told by Pastor Jim that it was chupacabras. A whole pack of ‘em, feeding off the lambs in the back paddock, tried to take a bite out of the baby girl and Sam had said, “As if man, those things are tiny, I’ve seen pictures, you could kick one and it would limp away like a fucking chihuaha, you scared of chihuahas, huh, Dean?” But Sam still hikes his sheet up under his chin when he hears scuffling under their window between sleep. 

There’s remnants of the house’s past inhabitants still scattered around the place. Sam had stood and slid two inches on the wheels of a tiny replica car that had been jammed under the couch the second day they arrived, piffed it at his brother’s head, who’d caught it, exclaimed that it was Camero, dude, treat her with some respect and had sat it on top of the fridge. 

The bookshelf in the corner of their shared bedroom holds mostly dust and tattered occult books stolen from libraries from all over the country, left by hunters who have found what they’ve needed and moved on. There are a few of the worst Stephen King novels shoved haphazardly on the top shelf and Sam finds something funny in that, the irony in enjoying bad horror when the real deal lurks behind the screen door. 

Dean gives him a look when Sam pulls down and cracks open a copy of The Tommyknockers, snorts, “Haven’t you read that one already?” and Sam says, tucking himself into bed, “Yeah, it fucking sucks, King was royally off his head while writing it, that’s why it’s so good.” Sam finishes three quarters of it in one sitting while listening to Dean’s quiet snores from the other side of the room. 

It’s a ten minute drive to the closest town, an off the highway, invisible to the outside world, kind of one-street community. No reason to take the exit if you don’t already know it’s there, one store, one gas station, one bar in an old brick post office building, unfitting, the carpet pulled up at the corners but home to the best fries Sam has ever had in his life. 

Sam follows Dean out to the courtyard, neither of them are legally old enough to drink but there’s nothing else to do but to get respectably drunk in a place like this, anyone that has lived long enough in the true country is some kind of functioning alcoholic, so Dean orders a beer and isn’t asked for ID. In a town small enough for everyone to know every intricate detail in the threads of dirty laundry, they are foreigners. No one knows where they’re from or where they’re going and Sam knows that Dean likes it that way.

It’s never been a secret that Sam prefers to feel like he has a part in everyday normalcy. Dean thrives under anonymity, gets a kick out of it because it makes him feel dangerous. He had stopped accompanying Sam to school two states ago, a silent agreement with their father when Dean had come home early and helped John cut splits into the tips of bullets instead. Like hell I’m signing up for compulsory extra curricular activities. What’s the point in making friends with people whose biggest concerns are the answers to whatever bullshit test and who fucked who last Friday? 

Finding comfort in a nine-to-five kind of community is a flaw Sam’s been burdened to deal with. 

It’s early afternoon, the courtyard is empty and the table they chose rocks on its legs every time Dean slides his drink over for Sam to share. It’s bitter and Sam hasn’t had enough beer in his life to know if it’s supposed to be like that or if it has just soured from the long journey it took to get from the brewery to their glass. He drinks it and doesn’t grimace because his brother is looking at him through the rays of warm country sun. 

“Tastes like piss, huh,” Dean says, leaning forward out of the light so Sam can see him clearly again. He takes back the glass. 

“S’not that bad,” Sam replies, rubbing the leftover condensation into his hand, doesn’t look at Dean, finds it hard these days, twists in his gut all wrong. Sam knows why. 

His brother hums, “There’s gotta be something else to do around here.”

Sam thinks, Dad’s left the car, we can go wherever we want, but doesn’t say it because his brother is loyal to a disastrous fault. 

That’s a recurring thought. Sam in the shotgun seat, his brother behind the wheel, driving away. Just away, to someplace else and they’d be okay because they’d have each other and all Sam ever needs is his brother, like water. But John will be back in two weeks, term starts again in a month and he needs his father to sign the enrollment forms. Two more years. 

“You see the old dredge outside of town?” Sam asks, remembers passing it when they arrived, all twisted, rusting metal, the bones of it against the setting sun.

“What did I tell you about respecting your elders?”

“You told me that they all smell like porridge and are easily susceptible to sleight of hand. No, Dean, Dredge,” Sam stresses. “Big rusty old machine that pulls minerals out of water.”

“Looking to strike big, Sammy?”

“Yeah, you see, my family is poor, brother at home too dumb to get a job. Our father went to get milk and never came back,” Sam sniffs for effect. “I can’t go home empty handed again, sir.” 

“Ah, a real sob story,” Dean nods in understanding, tips his head back and finishes the beer. “Let’s get out there then, sonny. We shan't let that simpleton, downright fool of a brother go hungry.” Dean jabs Sam in the ribs when he stands, hard enough for him to gasp, gets Sam’s head under his arm before he can recover. Sam claws embarrassingly at his brother’s torso, face pressed warm into the side of Dean’s waist. 

“I will pray for us young Samuel, for I too, dream of riches,” his brother is exclaiming, tripping them out and onto the street. “I only ask that we share whatever bounty dredged as I saw the most exquisite pony a few miles back and I simply must have it.”

And Sam thinks - with his flushed cheek hard against Dean’s skin through the thin sweaty fabric of his shirt, heart beating too fast against his ribs in a way that has nothing to do with exhaustion - you can have it all. 

---

Sam’s brother’s perpetual state of being is ten miles over the speed limit; this can be applied to almost every aspect of him. Dean goes and goes and rarely stops. They’re pushing double that out of town, north of their property, into the forever stretch of flat land and Sam loses himself in it. That idea of away, of going and going and that Dean could take him because he’s an expert in the field. 

The Impala blasts Born To Be Wild and Sam imagines the lyrics spreading out over the dry grass. He rolls the window down and throws his head out, trying his best to keep his eyes open against the road’s wind. The sun beats down, warmth soaking through and into his bones and Sam laughs as the cattle turn to catch a glimpse of them soaring. 

Dean pulls him in, tugs at the back of his shirt, says something along the lines of, what are you, a dog? Should get you a shock collar for all the times you’re a little bitch, but Sam can’t hear him over the roaring of the open window and the look of transparent glee on Dean’s face, it’s loud and assaulting and Sam has to turn away because seeing Dean like that wobbles him dangerously from the nonchalant facade he has going on in relation to how he feels about his brother. But mostly his face hurts from smiling too wide.

Used as a warm up last year. Boyking!Sam

He thinks he’s in Louisiana, maybe. That he got here in the tray of a pickup and that he couldn’t feel the wind in his hair like maybe he should. The driver had stopped for a piss-break and Sam had snapped his neck without his hands.

He rubs them together now, tries to feel guilty but there’s nothing to feel guilty about because his hands are clean; he doesn’t have to use them anymore. 

Sam thinks he’s in Louisiana because he stepped out of the truck and into a wet kind of heat. There’s a church with thick greenery growing over the roof and white wood that’s been mold-blackened by the humidity. He laughs to the darkness because it's very funny to him that he’s driven himself subconsciously to a place of grace. 

He skips up the steps, two at a time, gleefully. The smell of the bayou and rotting wood has put him in a good mood. The lock snaps when he blinks, the chain unraveling and snaking into a coil at his feet. The doors open for him and maybe he did that with his mind too, or maybe they were just expecting him. 

The church has been used recently, its interior better kept than the outside, bibles tucked neatly in the backs of pews, ribbons tied into plaits. The white of the moon falls in blankets through the windows, shadows of leaves moving over the floor like rippling water and the bust of Mother Mary prays for him at the altar. 

Sam spreads his arms and addresses her, says to the room at large, “Shall I repent for my sins, oh Lord?” and it echoes, gives him goosebumps, a current under his skin. He has an audience here because God is omnipresent, this is a place of worship and Sam has always been good at that. 

A church in Louisiana, standing before a plaster of his mother’s namesake in a church for a God he used to think could have some defying factor in a destiny that was always going to be concrete. It’s funny, blatantly. Sam puts his hands gently to Mary’s cold face, kisses her on her lips before crushing her head, spraying ceramic. 

Sam stands behind the lectern, hands red with his own blood now, sticking the pages of the Good Book. He’s read it before anyway. 

“Am I to be forgiven?” 

Last is a casefic I had planned out in 2019. I didn’t get very far into the actual writing part of it, but I still think the setting is cool, less so the plot I had in mind. 

Just outside of Bridgeport, Connecticut there’s a community built on a sandbar. A small secluded semi-island, connected to the mainland by a mile-long beachfront. A town of forty to fifty now abandoned, vandalised residences.

The police find the bodies of the boys there, bleeding out and into the sand, each other’s skin caught under their fingernails. 

Sam watches as his brother pulls the sheet back from one of the corpses, laying blue on the steel morgue tray. He’s a kid, a boy, not even eighteen. Hairless, lanky, multiple stab wounds puckered around his belly and Sam thinks he does not look peaceful for someone who is meant to be at rest. 

Dean is quieter than usual, his body language stiff. They’ve seen their fair share of dead kids but Sam thinks that this one might look a little too much like an adolescent version of himself. Shaggy brown hair, too long limbs, college on the horizon. Sam blankets the sheet back over the boy’s face and hears his brother exhale in what he thinks might be relief.

The coroner tells them that the other two are the same, besides the youngest one. He’d been blinded, thumbs pushed through his eyes until they popped like grapes. He asks if they want to see him too and Sam says no, thank you, we’ve got what we need.

Which is a whole lot of nothing, but they’ve only just arrived and there’s evidence that doesn’t involve corpses that needs to be checked.

“Pussied out in there huh, Sammy?” Dean says as they’re walking down the funeral home’s front steps, past the manicured roses and trimmed lawn. You see these perfect hedges? We’ll treat your dead mother with the same detailed care!

Sam pulls at his tie and scoffs because he knows he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable standing in the morgue; cases that involve kids always rub them both wrong.

[flower-pit]

Foxlore Lyrics

‘Foxlore by The Crane Wives’ lets GOOO

Nothing At All:

Happy is the man who wants for nothing. Happy is the liar. Happiness is itself desire (starting of strong, its just perfect)

I Talk In My Sleep:

The room, it echoes clear with words we choose not to hear (the way this line sounds is just incredible)

I will finally say that I am not okay (not many lyrics to choose from but i like this one alot)

Down The River:

One door closing means another one opens unto some unsuspecting fool

You can sell us down the river. You were never the one to suffer. (I think this was one of the first songs i heard from this album, i love it)

Ribs:

Marrow made a wife of Eve, but no one gave up a rib for me and mine. (yeah i obviously had to put it here, ribs is amazing in all aspects but especially lyrics-wise and it starts STRONG)

Brick and mortar between my bones built a kingdom fierce and fortified (just no words)

The dark doesn't frighten me, I chose to close my eyes.

Little girl, don't let them sell you any armor all your ribs are still your own

Oh, my precious child, how lucky you are, handed down a shield for your tender parts (turns out i can post ALL my fav lines from one song, whos gonna stop me?? ribs is so popular for a reason)

Can’t Go Back:

All the self-loathing in the world won't change a thing

You can't be always trying to dig up what you've already buried

All things end and all things change. You'll look back and laugh someday or at least you'll learn to be okay. ( they way these overlap with ‘its not fair’ is just chefs kiss)

Curses:

(oooh i love this one, the instruments here are amazing, and the opening is just gaah- i cant explain it but i love it)

There's a fire in my brain and I'm burning up 

Every word I say is kindling, but the smoke clears when you're around

Oh ashes, ashes, dust to dust. The devil's after both of us.

Turn Out The Lights:

You don't have to believe every single thought that tumbles through your head just 'cause it sounds like you talking. (uhh hits a bit too close to home, the song sounds way too happy for the lyrics)

And in the morning when you're standing in the shower with the water pouring down, you dwell on all you ever did wrong

Turn out the lights on your racing mind. What good has ever come of it? What answers will you find?

Pretty Little Things:

I cut straight to the heart.

I don't believe the pretty little things that you say. I've heard a lot of little pretty things

Don't buy me flowers. It pains me to watch pretty little things wilt away

There are lessons in life no one should have to learn, but trust is now something I make people earn.

I know a trick to make a man's colors show: If he sees something he wants, tell him no. (kinda serious but the song is absolutely breathtaking)

Know How:

I gotta wrap my head around what my heart is telling me. I've been trying to drown it out

I am not brave, I am not brave. I blind my eyes to what won't stay

Not The Ghost:

Oh, turn your lamps down low. Keep the light so dim that you can't see what's out there ahead of you.

My dear, there are secrets here. I will carry them home

If only I could break the chain of disappointments weighing me down

You're an anchor for all the heaviest regrets inside of you

It's the fear, and not the ghost that leaves me haunted

(the crane wives go HARD and i dont think i’ll ever get used to it. they have such good and meaningful lyrics and they make it look effortless)

The Garden:

The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense. Drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead.

Hold your light to the darkness in my head 

Put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat

Give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes

My darling, the devil knows my name 

Tell the crows they can have their pound of flesh

The ghosts at the window echo all our quiet prayers. When they come for us, they'll come with hammers and nails

Won't you cut down that apple tree for me? (i just love how it sounds)

(yes all of the lyrics. yeah ribs is amazing but people kinda get hung up on it and fail to realize how perfect the garden is, just 3487762/10, i love everything about it its a great way to end the album and its one o my favourite songs)

[simpbur]

hello! i would like ur 40 song wiblur playlist

anon thank you so much for asking <333 while it would’ve been easier to just drop the link i have so many thoughts about everything so i explained why every single song has its spot on this list which was IMMENSELY fun for me

(also: if anyone does want the link i can provide both apple music and spotify but if u would like the apple music link i’d rather it be through dms or an ask off anon that i can make private!)

another also: i bolded all the songs for ease of perusing if you don’t want the director’s commentary and bolded + italicized the ones that i think fit Very Well

another another also: wrote the second bit of this on my laptop and the keyboard is p funky so if there are any typos or things that do not make sense i will try to fix them asap haha

saint bernard by lincoln: this is one of those like. Dream SMP Songs that i added because it fits into so many different relationships and plot lines and arcs but i think there’s some connection to c!wlbur somewhere out there. idk i asked my friend and he said to add it so this one goes out to him

amnesia was her name by lemon demon: ghostbur song ghostbur song! mostly comes from this lovely animatic

o valencia! by the decemberists: okay this is one of those songs that only really has one lyric that fits but is an absolutely banger so it’s here anyway. you’ll also notice a trend of quasi love songs that i relate to c!wilbur’s perception of l’manburg and i think this song shows this in a really cool way, esp with the chorus (‘and i swear to the stars i’ll burn this whole city down’ is The Line)

achilles come down by gang of youths: another one of those Dream SMP Songs. i think this fits better with c!tommy but i like it too much to remove it. this is a somewhat common trend with the earlier songs on this playlist (i’ve been building this thing since january, for reference)

brave as a noun by ajj: another Dream SMP Song. i think certain verses fit better than others when it comes to wilbur’s character but that ones that work really work

harness your hopes by pavement: a song that is one here for vibes alone. i have no idea what these lyrics mean. all i know is that i heard it, thought of c!wilbur, and put it on the playlist. thank you all for being here

evelyn evelyn by evelyn evelyn: sad-ist made this a tommy and tubbo song (as she should) so it’s validity on this playlist is questionable but folks used to compare it to wilbur and tommy’s relationship during the pogtopia arc and i think some points were made there

the execution of all things by rilo kiley: i’m so excited to get here because this was the first song i put on the playlist that i think really works and i thumb nailed an animatic for the last verse and november 16th so! i think it’s a good l’manburg song and the last verse has some good ghostbur lines (‘and lately you’re all alone with nothing left but sleep/but sleep never comes to you, it’s the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak’)

i’m just your problem from adventure time: this ones a bit tricky since at is my favorite show of all time and i cannot detach this song from its in-show context very well but there is a very cool animatic with this song that landed it a spot on the playlist

man burning by josh ritter: almost became an animatic but the audio i wanted to use (which i recorded at a josh ritter concert and it’s just him and his guitar and there’s echo and it’s very haunting and pretty) has my stepbrother singing in the background and i could not edit it out so. that will probably not happen. but anyways the only hole i would pick in this song is that it’s mostly about self sabotage which isn’t really applicable but i think the imagery is cool

mamma mia by abba: here me out. here me out. this is another song that fits so well and i have spent so many hours thinking about this and somewhere there is a note on my phone explaining how every single line relates to c!wilbur’s entire arc from founding l’manburg to the resurrection (made when we thought gbur was going to get resurrected in january) and just. the metaphorical ‘you’ is l’manburg does this make any sense (another almost animatic except now that wilbur’s actually back it might become an actual animatic)

the other side of paradise by glass animals: no idea why this is here other than being a Dream SMP Song. it’s good tho

infinitesimal by mother mother: they saaaaay it stared with a big bang but they saaaaaaaay it came out of a small thing latelyyyyy i’ve been feeling like a big bang You Know

curses by the crane wives: had a thing drawn out for this song showing the comparisons between c!wilbur and c!niki because of the chorus and i think the last two lyrics of said chorus are the best thing about this one

lonely eyes by the front bottoms: gotta admit that i have no idea how this song got on here but i’ve come to associate it with ghostbur based on vibes alone. it’s a friendly song he’s a friendly ghost it works. the other tfb song coming up fits a bit better methinks

king of new orleans by better than ezra: not to put better than ezra on my c!wilbur playlist but like. something about the whole ‘tasing something up to let it fall’ motif makes me think

get me away from here, i’m dying by belle and sebastian: another almost animatic song (there’s a trend here). not only does the story told in this song work i like the lines ‘play me a song to set me free/nobody writes them like they used to so it may as well be me’ in relation to my l’manburg

montgomery forever by the front bottoms: certain bits and pieces of this song fit so well, specifically the chorus and those bits in the last two choruses Yeah (’montgomery forever and ever and ever and now they’re blowing it up/(x2)/as you started laughing and crying and trying to explain how all you want to do is leave’)

don’t look back in anger by oasis: out of all my almost animatic songs, this one got the furthest. the animatic, which I got pretty far in thumbnailing, was about wilbur and tommy and kind of drawing comparisons between their characters, also about the revolution in general. maybe i’ll finish that animatic one day idk 

snow by ricky montgomery: i wish i had a link for this so bad but!! saw art on twitter!! with the lyric ‘bury me six feet in snow’!! and went ahfsdjfk!!

burning pile by mother mother: a Dream SMP Song. also a jam there’s no real specific connection for this one but i think it could fit in a couple of ways

rounds by the oh hellos: in the same position as snow except it was on tumblr..... @ whoever made this comic i saw these lyrics in your brain is massive and your art is incredible

lovely by mt. eddy: on here for vibes alone. there’s something in the lyrical content too, but my thoughts in that regard are not very fleshed out

adventures in solitude by the new pornographers: ah yes..... the song that prompted this all...... this is a beautiful and incredibly well written song and if you’re going to listen to any song off of this playlist i’d encourage you to listen to this one. it’s place of here is mostly cause of the chorus but the imagery in the verses could all represent a part of c!wilbur and i’d love to explore that more

caught in the middle by paramore: obligatory paramore song. i think it got on here because limbo = ‘middle’ but i’m not quite sure. on the verge of being deleted if i can find a better pmore song

delicate by damien rice: one of the oddest songs on this list and i am well aware that it sticks out like a sore thumb. a song that’s on here pretty much because of one lyric, which is ‘and why’d you sing hallelujah/if it means nothing to you’ which i related to both eret’s betrayal and how my l’manburg is hallelujah yknow

bang! by ajr: almost animatic song. i think we all know what the bang is here

somewhere only we know by lily allen: ik i said don’t look back in anger has the most potential to get made into an animatic but this song might actually take it place. on par with adventures in solitude in terms of how pretty of a song it is, and probably even moreso. it’s kind of turned into a ghostbur song in my head, and makes me cry like an infant child every time i hear it

a pearl by mitski: i cannot defend this song’s place on here past the line ‘it’s just that i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended’

eight by sleeping at last: the official c!wilbur song needs a spot on here <3 if i can dig up the clip of cc!wilbur talking about this song in relation to his character i’ll add it but until then yeah <3

always by rilo kiley: no idea why this is on here but it fits well!! could not tell you why!! banger!!

celebration guns by stars: it’s a hauntingly beautiful song about war, and kind of one of those that necessarily isn’t about wilbur but moreso his place in the story? idk how to explain it but yes

passerine by the oh hellos: it’s. it’s from the . the fic. yeah h

oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place by bright eyes: added this after the real resurrection and i think it’s because fo the imagery? also the last verse

we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!: all i have to say is ‘i cannot emphasize enough that my body/is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel/harboring these diminishing, so called vital organs/i hope my heart goes first, i hope my heart goes first!’ has always made me think of pogtopia era wilbur :(

dead weight by jack stauber: no real connection other than eret played this song during a break during the ghostbur’s january ‘resurrection’ and i heard it and went :0

point me at lost lands by tired pony: gives me season on l’manburg vibes..... i love how free and passionate it sounds and that's p much the only reason it’s on this list haha

ghosting by mother mother: added this five seconds ago because i could not BELIEVE it was not on here. ghostbur song. mans sang it on that one stream with the reverb and everything. the lyrics ‘i will be kind and i’ll be sweet/if you stop staring straight through me’ hit particularly hard back when everyone thought that ghostbur was actually wilbur in disguise 

[mhdiaries]

Boo York, Boo York – Gala Ghoulfriends Luna Mothews Diary

My Boo York Adventure-logue

9/30 08:23:52

There were butterflies tickling my belly when I watched the bus pull into the terminal, but now that I’m on my way, I’m flittery with excitement! I think Pops was more nervous than I was. But that’s my Pops for ya: thinking I’m his little caterpillar while totes understanding that I have to spread my wings! Mom kept him from chewing on his collar by reminding him that it’s not like it’s on the other side of the moon - it’s an easy flight for them from my hometown in Boo Jersey. If I didn’t have my luggage weighed down with all my dance shoes and theatre makeup, I’d have flapped over myself. But I’m strangely looking forward to seeing the frights through this grimy bus window the way a wingless monster would; speeding down the Tombpike, going through the Lurkin’ Tunnel, and then hopping a subway train to Times Scare... that’s a real adventure! 

Boo York, Boo York! I can hardly believe it! I’m on my way! The lights of Bloodway are luring me. I’m gonna be a star!

9/30 10:37:13

Road travel takes some getting used to - for one thing, it takes for-EVER! Not literally, but I’m still on this bus and I could have flown to the city and back many times by now. And for a second thing, the monsters on this bus are way booring! I think they think they should just sit in their seats and keep to themselves and be polite and stuff. Some of them actually scowled at me when I started convos with them, so I pulled out my guitar and started playing. That really horrified them. It was like they didn’t even want to sing along when I started giving them their assignments! The ogre in the front punctuated his lyrics with growls, but he wasn’t half bad; however, the werecat across the aisle from him was surprisingly high-pitched and breathy. I had to pull her out of her fur, but I got her harmonizing pretty well after a few verses. And once I got half-a-dozen singing, a few others joined in. Plus, a few other monsters pulled out their own instruments. Before long, I had a whole chorus going and everyone started enjoying themselves. Well, everyone except that one ghost, but he was just mad because everyone was treating him like he was invisible. 

9/30 11:56:33

I made it to the city and I’m not in the subway waiting for the train. Almost there! Just a few more trains and buses to go. I’m thriller-ed by how many of my bus-mates followed me to my train platform just so we could keep jammin’, but some of them freaked when they realized they were missing their own trains and ran off/flew off/slithered off/evaporated. But that’s ok, because there are already a lot of performers down here singing and dancing and making balloon monsters. It’s spooktacular, and I haven’t even made it up to street level yet!

9/30 15:12:12

Oh, my Pod! 42nd Screech is everything I ever dreamed of! The marquees of all the shows make my antennae tingle with excitement. When I’m a singer on Bloodway, I will go from moth-ghoul to moth-greatness! I’m already having so much fun. As soon as I got off the last bus, I met some fangtastic monsters from Monster High: Draculaura, Frankie, Cleo, Deuce, Clawdeen and Operetta. Oh, and also, Nefera and Toralei. I’m very good at remembering names - I’m sure that’s a sign I’ll be good at remembering my lines too - and I love making new friends wherever I go. I think it’s called networking. Now, to find a job or three. 

9/30 17:26:47

Nailed my first audition! So what if it was for a pizza place? Pizza is very popular in Boo York, and a ghoul’s gotta start somewhere. I’ve got a costume and everything - just call me Luna Motheroni. Hah! No, don’t. It pays me in *dough*! Get it? That cracked Pops up when I called him on my iCoffin to tell him his little gypsy moth is settling in nicely. I think I’ll try out some of these lines as I pass out the flyers for the Comet-special combo. Maybe if I get some laughs, I’ll try my wing at stand up too. It’s not Bloodway, but it’d still be on a stage, right? 

9/30 20:14:33

Lovin’ all this “cometness.” Monsters are shooting by me like zany stars in a sparkling universe! All the food joints have crazy, comet-fied specials going on. Being a moth, I’m a huge cotton candy fan. Make it wormhole-themed, and it’s like a flame that I can’t resist. I’m also diggin’ the street music. There’s a clawesine DJ across the way. I can only catch glimpses through the crowd, but I think she’s a robot with some kind of holographic keyboard or whatever. However, I can hear her load and clear, and she’s certainly making passing out flyers more of a toe-tapper than an energy-zapper. Although, no one’s ever accused me of lacking ene......

(oh, zap! got totes distracted by a laser light beaming off the DJ ghoul)

lacking energy. Now that it’s getting dark, all of the lights are getting kinda intense. They’re so bootiful, I’m attracted to all of them. I’m fearly going to have to concentrate and maintain focus. It’s good pract..... practice for when I’m in the spotlight on Bloodway.  

10/1 14:42:59

Day of the Comet, Beasties! Got a gig selling boovineers. I project my lines to the frightseers passing by and try to gain an audience, then my co-seller does the rest and rings up their order. I’ve tried singing my lines, making up rhymes, doing a little improv with the customers. I think I have a knack for this. And later I’m going to be working the fancy Comet Gala at the Museum of Unnatural History! I’ll be passing out gore d’oeuvres to some of the city’s most powerful monsters. Maybe I’ll even make some connections to theatre producers, but, if not, i’m sure I’ll have a good time. Just seeing all the different characters who have been invited will be fangtastic. Pops called to check in and when I told him everything I’ve done already and that I’ll be catering tonight, he laughed and said he thinks there must have been a mix-up at the hospital because, instead of a moth-ghoul, he seems to have raised a busy-bee. He’s kind of a moth-ball, but I love him.

10/1 19:02:40

This gala is “ah-maze-ing”! That Mouscedes’ fave word. She’s a rat-ghoul I met here. She’s some kind of princess and she’s way Upper Beast Side, but she’s so nice. I never knew there was so much to learn about cheese! I had a variety of die-lish cheese puffs on my loaded down tray - gore-gonzola, aged ghoulda, fetid - I tried them all before my shift started and they were yum! But when I offered them to Mouscedes, she asked me if they were cheeseless cheese puffs, and I told her they weren’t even puffless cheese puffs, so then we started chatting and I learned she doesn’t do cheese. I told her to stay away from my Pops then, because his sense of humor was pretty cheesy! That’s when she told me her Pops was the Rat King of Boo York! I’m not sure what that means but it sounds impressive! I had to get back to work, but Mouscedes said maybe we could get a coffincino some time. I told her I already bounce off the walls without drinking those, but I’d love to just fang out and she agreed.  

10/2 00:13:17

I guess you could say things took an otherworldly turn tonight! The lights of Bloodway drew me to exactly where I needed to be, just in time to help my new friends... AND I got to be on stage with Catty Noir, one of my fave singers! It doesn’t get more fangtastic than that! I think it’s ok to say my future of stardom shows promise! Speaking of promise, we all made it back to the Museum of Unnatural History in time for the comet to arrive in Boo York, and that brought some surprises of its own. Well, one surprise anyway. And she was stellar! I’m not saying I won’t ever get homesick, but I think coming to Boo York was a bright move. I’ve only been here for 2 days and I’ve already had a few fun jobs, performed on stage, and, beast of all, made new friends. Look out world, I’m ready to fly! 

[artificialqueens]

Come Home to My Heart, Chapter 2 (Lemyanka) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 ✨| chapter 1

A/N: hiii, this is chapter 2 of this lemyanka childhood friends, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers whatever you wanna call it. I really wanted to play with the time skips to show different parts of their lives together throughout the years so this is a continuation from chapter 1 a few years later. thanks for reading <3

-2-

At the age of thirteen, there were many things Priyanka loved. The list included: electric blue glittery nail polish, writing her name with a golden pen, pop music and girl groups-especially Britney Spears and The Spice Girls-, any movie with Lindsay Lohan in it, acting in the school productions -especially if she got the main role-, sleepovers over Lemon’s house where they secretly watched The O.C., seeing films with Lemon without an “adult” with them, re-acting scenes of the Cheetah Girls movie with Lemon…

She was at Lemon’s a lot.

The thing was, Lemon was the only child of her parent’s marriage, her parents both worked, and most of the time she had the house on her own. For Priyanka -who lived with her siblings and her parents and couldn’t spare one second of privacy at her own home- it was like paradise. They did everything together, on the weekdays they did homework together and afterward, they would lay in the blonde’s room reading magazines and cutting pictures of celebrities and clothes they liked, or listen to a new CD they had been saving for weeks to buy for hours until they knew the lyrics by heart.

Her room had yellow walls -big shocker- and it was covered in posters and pictures with Priyanka, white carpet on the floor, and a mix of Barbie dolls and makeup over the boudoir. She also had a large single bed only for herself with like a million fluffy pillows they had shared more than once.

Lemon had ballet classes three times per-week and Priyanka had rehearsals with the drama club but those were the only moments they were apart. Being childhood friends, their parents got into the obligation of sending them to the same primary school after finishing kindergarten and now they would attend the same secondary school once summer was over.

It was a warm day of summer, Lemon rolled over her bed and showed Priyanka an item she liked, Crazy in Love by Beyoncé played on the radio while the other girl was trying to cover a pimple on her chin with some foundation she had bought in the mall.

“You’re going to make it worse.” Lemon made her remove her hands.

“It hurts, it’s like a little red dot full of hate.”

“Use toothpaste instead.”

“Does it work?”

“Allegedly.” She shrugged. “I read it somewhere.”

“Okay… What did you want to show me?”

“Look at these,” she pointed at a picture of Hillary Duff. “I need those shoes.”

“That’s a pump.” Priyanka said, unimpressed.

“But it’s pink and yellow. How you don’t like the gradient in the colors? I’m in love.”

“Can you even walk with heels?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course I can. When you’re short like me, you gotta have some options.”

Priyanka couldn’t argue with that, for her age she was already one of the tallest girls in the classroom. Sometimes she disliked being that tall, she felt like a little deer that couldn’t control its feet, wobbling around awkwardly.

Her best friend flipped a few more pages.

“Look! It’s a poster of Ryan Gosling from that movie… The Notebook.” She sounded excited.

Right. They were supposed to be excited about handsome muscle guys but there was something about it that didn’t click with Priyanka. She thought maybe she was just too young to get it, that when she’d grow older she’d get the feeling but until then, she had become very good at pretending.

“Oh, he’s so hot.” She hoped Lemon didn’t notice the fakeness of her voice.

“I know, right?” She giggled. “Do you want his picture?”

“Ah… you can keep it… I already have Leonardo DiCaprio’s and that’s just too many white guys.”

“Alright.” She picked a pair of scissors and started cutting the actor’s silhouette. The pair of dark-framed glasses she had on kept sliding down her nose bridge.

Priyanka smiled fondly at it.

“I’m home!” It was Lemon’s mom that had just returned from work.

Lemon jumped out of the bed and stood in the door’s frame. She looked even smaller in that oversized t-shirt of the Powerpuff Girls and shorts she wore as pajamas. Her hair was tied in a messy ponytail that brushed her shoulder blades.

“Hi, mom.” She yelled. “Priyanka’s here!”

“Hi, Priyanka!”

“Hello, Mrs. Baptsita!”

Priyanka adored Mrs. Baptista, she was a little wacky for Lemon’s taste but it was because she was younger than most moms with kids their age. She liked Priyanka and she supported their friendship since kindergarten, called them the Ketchup&Mustard duo since that Halloween they had matching costumes.

“Is she staying for dinner?”

Lemon turned around. “Are you staying for dinner?”

Priyanka shrugged. “Sure.”

“She is mom!”

“I’m making spaghetti!”

“Sound good!” She turned back to Priyanka again. “I hope you like spaghetti.”

“You know I do.”

Just a couple of minutes later, they heard the sound of Mr. Baptista’s car at the entrance.

“That’s my dad.” Lemon pointed.

“Hello, I’m home.”

“Hi, dad! Priyanka’s here.”

“Hi Lemon drop, hi Priyanka!”

“Hello, Mr. Baptista!”

Lemon grinned but not even five minutes later than her father’s arrival, the vibe of the kitchen changed and it was clear by the sound of their voices, her parents were arguing. Another argument…

“I swear to God… this is the third time this week."

Lemon sat on the edge of the bed and buried her face in her hands. She looked tired.

Priyanka gently touched her knee offering some comfort. Lemon pulled a weak smile that faded as soon as the voices increased in volume.

"Hey, I have some extra cash, wanna get some pizza?” Priyanka offered.

Lemon bit her bottom lip and nodded. “Let’s go.”

Lemon changed her shorts for pants and put on a pair of sneakers, then she grabbed her keys and both of them were out of the house. It wasn’t that late yet and there was a pizza place a few blocks away they could get on foot; they walked in silence until Lemon’s house was behind, then the blonde let a big sigh out of her chest.

“Pri, I can’t do this…” She sounded fragile as if she was holding the pieces together trying not to break with all her strengths.

Priyanka ran her arm over her shoulder and held her when she seemed about to fall.

“It’s okay, I’m sure they are going to work it out.”

Lemon snorted. “They started going to couple’s counseling and it got worse, they have pretty solid arguments to fight now.”

Priyanka covered her mouth holding back the laughter. “Sorry.”

“You dumb bitch.” Lemon shook her head.

They walked hugged like that the rest of the way, ate greasy pizza with extra cheese, and returned to a sepulchral silent house. Priyanka laid on the bed next to her, so close yet so far. If she extended her hand just a little more, she could touch her shoulder, make sure she was okay but for some reason, she couldn’t. Yet, she hoped that being there for her friend was enough then.

On the other side, Lemon had her eyes wide open, unable to drift off when her mind was going through a million different scenarios. Everything could only go downhill from there.

They didn’t know at that moment but the worst was yet to come.

She dashed out of the house as soon as she got the phone call, barely having the chance to put on a helmet before grabbing her bike. Priyanka was still catching her breath by the time Lemon opened the door.

Her face was bathed in tears, her eyes completely red and she couldn’t stop crying not even to explain what had happened. Priyanka had a vague idea judging by what was said on the phone but it wasn’t until she saw her friend she knew it was bad. Very bad.

Lemon wasn’t the most physically affectionate person in the world but she let Priyanka hug her and cried it out on her chest. They sat on the porch until the blonde began to calm down and could explain it better.

“Pri, they… they are getting divorced. It’s all happening so fast.”

Priyanka held her hand and squeezed it lightly. Lemon looked at her hand and then at her face, her eyes flooded with tears again.

“Hey,” The brunette tried to comfort her. “I’m so sorry, I know you love them both and they love you very much but this is probably for the best.”

“No, Pri, you don’t understand. They are… separating for real. They talked about lawyers and My mom she…” Lemon sobbed. “She wants us to move out…”

“Oh, I mean, that’s normal like-”

“…to New York.” Her voice was weak, defeated.

It took Priyanka a moment to process the newly acquired information.

“New York?!” She repeated in disbelief.

“Apparently, she has a job offer there, and… they think it’s for the best to put some distance between them.”

“I get the ‘moving out thing’ and the distance but that’s a completely different country!”

“I know! That’s what I said. Tell me I’m right, she’s out of her mind.”

“But wait, when does she want you to move out? What about school?”

“She thinks it’s a good idea if we go before the new semester starts so we can settle in and…”

“No, the new semester starts in two weeks… What about your dance lessons? Your life here?”

What about us?

“She said there are plenty of dance academies over there… That I would do fine. I hate it. This doesn’t go with the plan we had.”

Priyanka and Lemon had a life plan since they were ten, sealed with a pinky promise. They were going to graduate high school together and go to university in Toronto where they both would be roommates throughout college. It was their way of being together, to accomplish things in the company of the other, a sign of their unbreakable friendship.

“Wait but… what about your dad?” Can’t you stay with him?“ There was a hint of hope in Priyanka’s voice.

Lemon stared at the wooden floor of the porch for the longest time before looking back at her friend.

"I can’t. My dad travels a lot for business and while he’s going to remain here… my mom gave me no choice. They even said that it’s either New York or some boarding school in Quebec.”

Lemon surely had gone mad about it for her parents to threaten her like that, it didn’t sound like the Baptistas at all.

“This can’t be…” Priyanka shook her head. The tears felt warm on her cheeks.

“We’re leaving next week.”

“No…no, that’s… that’s too soon. You can’t leave… who’s going to help me buy a new outfit for the first day? Who’s going through the first day of school with me?”

“I hate to think about it. They really think this is for the best and then decide to drag me to a different country for the first year of school… «You have to be reasonable» they said, but they are the ones that come with these ideas out of blue.”

It was too sudden it made Priyanka felt dizzy; she couldn’t even begin to imagine what her friend was feeling like.

She squeezed her hand again. “It’s going to be okay.”

“You keep saying that but-” Lemon shook her head.

“Because it is going to be okay. I promise you, we’ll still be together, and… maybe we don’t get to attend the same high-school but we can still go to college together, the plan can still work out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely. You’re my best friend in the world; nothing is going to change that.”

Lemon smiled for the first time after getting the news of her parents’ divorce.

“Thanks, Pri.” She went for a hug and was received with open arms.

They hugged for a while without saying a single word, in that situation, words were unnecessary.

The day of Lemon’s moving, ironically the sun was shining and Priyanka kept reminding herself that in different circumstances they’d be at the park with their bikes or at the local pool but no, she was heading to her best friend’s house to say the last goodbye.

Priyanka hadn’t cried in front of her since that day on the porch but she had cried a lot when no one was seeing her. She was sad, upset, and mad about the situation but she didn’t want Lemon to leave with a sad note. So she went ahead and planned a week dedicated to her best friend, to enjoy the things they loved the most.

They had made each other friendship bracelets with their names –Priyanka was red and orange and it had a little golden star hanging next to her name; Lemon’s was pink and yellow and a butterfly next to hers- they had movie nights and sleepovers, karaoke sessions and dancing marathons every day until that awful day arrived.

Priyanka rode her bike like she had done millions of times before. There was a «FOR SALE» sign hanging outside and she hated it with all her soul. There was a truck parked outside as well with many boxes stacked inside and some furniture pieces they were taking to New York. Lemon was sitting on the porch’s stairs with a backpack on, the scene was oddly familiar and for a second time stopped.

She didn’t notice Priyanka’s presence until the brunette touched her shoulder.

“You’re here.” She said and did her best to smile.

“Where else I’d be?”

Lemon stood on her feet and hugged her, Priyanka hugged her back.

“Promise me you’re going to wait for my calls every week… and that you’re not going to have another best friend… ever.” Lemon sobbed on her shoulder.

“I promise it.” Priyanka patted her back in a calming gesture.

“I’ll visit on holidays, my dad is probably going to get a shitty apartment but still, I’ll be here.”

“I know you will.”

Lemon let go of her embrace. “Thank you, Pri. You’re my best friend in the world.”

“I know, right?”

The blonde giggled. “You’re so stupid…”

“Luce, get in the car, it’s time to go.” Her mom called her as she carried one last box.

“I have to go now. I already said good-bye to my dad; he had a flight to catch early but… It feels so empty without him here.”

“Lemz, I’m sorry.” She hugged her one more time. It was quick but it lingered. “Take care and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do in New York.”

“That sets the bar very low, don’t you think?”

Priyanka laughed. “I’ll miss you like crazy.”

“Me too.”

Lemon’s mom waved in their direction, the car was already on and the truck was closed and packed.

“Well, I guess this is our goodbye for now.”

“Count the days because I’m going to be back in no time, okay?”

She nodded.

“Love you, Pri.”

“Love you too.”

And with that said, Lemon started walking toward the car. It was painful to watch her leave but Priyanka didn’t want to look away, she wanted to remember it all until they could meet again.

The car started moving but stopped abruptly as Lemon opened the door and ran back to where Priyanka was.

“Lemon, what…?”

“I almost forgot, I was supposed to give you this the first day of school but…” She was out of breath. Suddenly a brand new CD of Spiceworld was on Priyanka’s hands. “You were so sad when your sister broke the one you had worked so hard to buy and I thought…”

Priyanka was hugging her again. “Oh, Lemon…”

“Please don’t forget me.”

Her mom honked at them, the truck was already hitting the road.

Lemon walked back and this time, she left for real.