#So what’s fun is both of the mods have a passing familiarity with this content

[doyouknowthisdisabledcharacter]

Do You Know This Disabled Character?

This isn’t specific to any media. If you know only one version, vote ‘I know them’.

Song Lan was blind and is mute.

[inhuman-obey-me]

Excuse me! it’s just me, this blog’s stalker because your works amazing. I kinda am in love with your demon’s nature series. I if I could request something. Could you possible do MC seeing the brothers do something that is “demonic”. Similar to what happens in the series. Thank you!!!!

Hello!! Haha, thank you -- we’re so glad you like our content! ;u;

And I’m glad that you enjoy the Demon’s Nature series! It’s been a lot of fun to write.

Sorry this took a bit! I wasn’t sure if you wanted this to be something with one of the brothers or all of them, so I ended up doing little short blurbs for each of the brothers and MC accidentally catching them doing something demonic/violent. Tried to keep them all pretty short, which was hard.

[Mod Cosmos]

MC accidentally catching the Demon Brothers being Demonic/Violent

content warning: blood/gore, body horror (especially in Beel’s), and general violence

Note: This is through the perspective of an MC that knows that the demons do their thing, but perhaps doesn't want to see it happening in front of them.

LUCIFER

You were supposed to go shopping together after meetings for the day were finished, and he had told you to just wait an additional thirty minutes so that he could finish up some business. Thirty minutes passed, but there was still no word from him, so you decide you’ll go and see what was holding that workaholic up. You soon realize that was a mistake.

You hear muffled cries, and a familiar deep voice. Cautiously, you approach the source of these sounds -- a room located off a dark corridor. You didn’t think there were any classrooms here, and your curiosity got the better of you -- so you approach the door, peeking through the crack. You recognize the intimidating silhouette and --- there’s blood. There was another figure in the room, their body limp on the ground in a puddle of red, the mighty first-born’s claws tearing through flesh. A loss of balance in your surprise results in you tumbling into the room, earning a sharp turn from Lucifer, whose crimson eyes were wide in surprise. His wings spread out to try and shield the unsavory scene from you.

“MC, you were supposed to wait for me.” His voice is stern, but there’s a gentleness to it. He sees the queasy look on your face, and decides he can put this torment to an end. With a swift motion, he fully blocks your line of sight before slitting the lesser demon’s throat. He then turns back to you, lightly embracing your body with black feathers. His voice is soft as he did not want to frighten you. “I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to see that. Let’s get you home, shall we? I’ll make you some tea.”

MAMMON

It had just been a scratch. A low-level demon had taken a swipe at you in passing, but hadn’t been able to cut too deep. Mammon insisted he was just running off to get a bandaid after you insisted he didn’t need to go after the other demon. He said that he’d be right back--”I’m just gettin’ a bandage, I swear!”-- and told you not to move an inch. But this bandage quest was taking longer than it should have, so you go after him, pressing a loose cloth against your wound. And there he was, having cornered the offending demon. He seems to be staking the demon in the arm with a sharp metal object, speaking in a tongue you couldn’t understand.

You hadn’t even realized you had dropped the Majolish bag from your hand, not until it hit the ground with a thud and Mammon whipped around to see you there. A flash of guilt appears on his features, his eyes going between you and the lowly demon. He drops them, though he can’t resist one more swift kick to their chest before running back to you.

“I told ya I’d be right back!” He’s about to cup your face in his hands, but retracts them as he realizes they’re covered in blood. “Uh, okay, let’s go get that,” he motions to your injury, “...taken care of, yeah?” He mumbles a sorry as he picks up the bag you dropped before ushering you away from the scene, promising he’d do whatever he needed to do to make up for having to witness it.

LEVIATHAN

You’re browsing games at a shop, having tagged along with Leviathan who had been raving about a new release. At one point, however, Leviathan had vanished from your side. You now realize it’s been … quite some time, actually. You wander about the store, unable to find him anywhere. Did he step outside? You decide to check, missing the anxious glance from the clerk behind the counter.

You hear some sounds from the alley by the shop. Is that … someone choking? Worried, you round the corner to make sure whoever it was is okay -- only to see the one doing the strangling was Leviathan himself. He had his tail tightly wrapped around the other demon’s throat, and … what, what was that inky substance leaking from their eyes? Leviathan caught your shadow against the alley wall, turning to you with a slightly panicked look.

“M-MC!” His tail quickly slithered off and away from the demon’s throat, leaving them to collapse to the ground. He’s suddenly at your side, hands on your shoulders as he turns you around and makes you walk out of the alley with him, murmuring something about how the venom will take care of the rest. “S-sorry about that, MC. You look a little sick … let’s get that game and go home and play, okay?”

SATAN

You had been ambling through an aisle in the grand Royal Library, wondering what random book you should pick up next to flip through idly. Satan had wanted to spend a quiet day reading and studying together, to which you readily obliged. But it was easy to forget just how large the Royal Library was -- what floor were you on again? -- and you wonder if you should head back to where the two of you had set up. Then you suddenly hear a distant crash. It seemed to be coming from one of the meeting rooms at the back, and you couldn’t help but want to take a peek to see what had happened.

“Fuck you!” You knew that voice, and you knew that anger. There was a muffled yell, and what sounded like shattering glass. Then there’s a chilling, mocking laughter, and you can feel the goosebumps starting to cover your skin. You nervously approach the slightly ajar door, and there he is, his tail impaling another demon with its sharp ridges. Oh, there is fury burning in those eyes -- ones that shift to land on you, and that glowing fury is replaced with exasperation.

“MC!” Your name comes out as a hiss, but he quickly tosses the other demon, slamming them into the wall. “You…” He’s unsure what to say, his wrath calming at the sight of you, especially with that look on your face. “I … I’m sorry, I just had to take care of something. Please, let’s go. We can talk about this later.”

ASMODEUS

The music is loud, the drinks are pouring, and you’re having an absolutely wonderful night out clubbing with Asmodeus. You were returning from the bar with two drinks in hand for the both of you, thanking one of the security guards on your way for managing the crowd of fans that had now dispersed, only to find that Asmodeus was not to be found at your table. He had left a note-- “BRB! ♡”--with lipstick on a napkin. You waited, sipping your drink as you demon watched from your seat. Some time passes, and you realize you’ve finished your drink a bit more quickly than intended. There’s still no sign of him, so you might as well go get another.

On the way to the bar, however, you pass by what you assumed was the hall to the restrooms, and you hear a desperate “I’m sorry!” cutting through the heavy bass. Should you be concerned? Well, you decide to at least be nosy, so you slip into the hall to see what was going on -- and are met with the sight of Asmodeus holding a heart he had carved out of some poor demon’s chest. In your shock, your empty glass slips through your fingers and crashes to the floor, earning your demon’s attention.

“Oh, MC!” Despite his surprise to see you, he gives you a smile -- one that gives you chills as you see blood spattered on his face. “Ah, what a mess…” He lets the lesser demon slide to the floor, debating on what to do with the organ in hand, but hides it behind his back for now, coming over to place a quick kiss on your cheek. “Sorry about that, darling. I’m just going to go clean up, so wait for me at the table, ‘kay?”

BEELZEBUB

You had agreed to go with him to Madame Scream’s after finishing up classes for the day, but he was running late. He’s not picking up any calls, either, so you decide to go to where his last class would have been -- maybe they were just running way over, and he hadn’t realized the time? The hall is quiet, and you end up reaching an empty classroom. Walking back out, you decide to try calling him again. Ring, ring. After a moment, you realize you can hear Beelzebub’s ringtone in the distance, and you follow your ears to where his D.D.D. and ultimately he himself must be.

You weren’t prepared for what you saw next. A head of bright orange hair buried in a lesser demon’s abdomen, the sound of squelching and slurping from his feasting sounding so much more insidious than usual.

“Beel!” You can’t help but cry out his name in shock, which causes him to jolt upright -- with intestines still hanging from his mouth. Oh, you were going to be sick …

“MC … sorry, Lucifer always says I need to work on my table manners … “ He gulps down what was left hanging, but his eyes widen when it registers just who caught him in the act. “Oh, uh, guess that’s not the point, huh … “ He sheepishly wipes at his mouth with some torn cloth that you can only assume came from his victim, standing up and walking around to block your view of the mangled body. “I’ll clean this up, and then … well, we can do whatever you want to do. Sorry, MC …”

BELPHEGOR

You’re looking around for where Belphegor could possibly be napping. Beelzebub had to go to Fangol practice and asked that you make sure his twin got home, as he had seemed even more tired today than usual. He’s not in the Western Courtyard, so you head to the Southern Courtyard next. You think you remember him saying that was one of his favorite spots…

You perk up as you spot the ever-familiar cow patterned pillow, but you fail to see the demon that was usually attached to it. Peering around the area, worry starts to set in -- and then you hear a scream. It certainly didn’t belong to Belphegor, but the gears in your mind start turning and you run to where the scream came from. Of course, no one else was around here -- it wasn’t the busiest area on campus in the first place. Turning a corner, you see just what you feared -- Belphegor had his claws at another demon’s throat, his barbed tail wrapped around their body and squeezing them tight. You feel weak, the scenario a bit too close for comfort as you recall what he had done to you in the past.

“MC?” Belphegor turned to see you, his eyes wide. He must have sensed your presence at some point, or maybe your heart was pounding much louder than you realized. He drops the other demon, growling something you can’t make out to them, and then slowly approaches you. He sees you tense up, causing him to stop in his tracks. He averts his gaze, not wanting to meet your eyes as he tries to figure out what to say. “I just … had to deal with something. You … you can head on home first, if you want. I understand.”

[tiptapricot]

how bout michael and dwayne? i also really like your writing style

Aw thank you! I have a lot of fun w these posts and sometimes they get away from me into more fic territory, so I’m glad they read well! Now onto these two… (This takes place generally within the confines of canon, with Michael being a half vampire, but also involves him being unaware of the boys being vampires for most of it. Reveal is implied.)

They both have a lot of interest in machines and vehicles, and a lot of their bonding before their relationship starts (beyond any initial attraction) ends up stemming from them talking about motorcycles

It’s a casual thing, they trade maintenance tips and chat about what brands they like best and about tweaks they’ve made to their own bikes, but it opens an avenue to become more familiar with each other

(Mentions of substance use and very mildly implied sexual content under cut)

It’s a slow progression. Dwayne has a way nicer bike than Michael and slowly shows it off to him, letting him check out the engine and the breaks and the different mods that have been added on, and promising to let him ride it sometime

He’s definitely more experienced, and Michael jokes that he should help him tweak some stuff on his bike sometime

Dwayne, more genuinely, takes him up on that offer

He starts dropping by Michael’s house in the early evenings, and they’ll bum out in the garage with the hanging light on and grandpa’s janky radio tuned low on a local station, and try to see how they can improve Michael’s bike

They don’t do it every night, most times still ending up hanging out with the other boys as a group, but it’s regular enough to be expected a few times a week, and it’s nice

Their conversations are mellow and comfortable, and it becomes a fun experiment to see what tweaks make Michael’s bike rocket into the fence, and what others make it blow out smoke thick enough to stain their clothes

It brings out this friendly giddiness in both of them, a kind of excitement at doing something equally fun and stupid with someone

One night after a feed, Dwayne decides to steal one of the victims’ cars and drive it up to Michael’s. He blows off the other boys when they ask where he’s going and when he gets to the driveway he squeaks to a halt and revvs the engine loud, honking the horn until Michael comes out

When they make eye contact Dwayne cocks his head in invitation, and Michael only hesitates for a moment before smiling and coming around to get in on the passenger side

Then they’re squealing off down the road

Michael asks where Dwayne got the ride and Dwayne just smirks, cocking a brow. Michael laughs, muttering a little “holy shit,” at the prospect of Dwayne hot wiring someones car, but accepts it

Dwayne takes him around to a few popular hang out spots, introducing him to the places that don’t card, and showing him the secret back door to the movie theater, and they have a blast

Near to the end of the night Dwayne parks in an empty parking lot and leans over Michael to root around in the glove compartment to see what the previous owner might’ve stashed

They find some weed and a few CDs, and though the music isn’t really either of their tastes, they put it on

Dwayne shows Michael how to roll a joint and they spend the rest of the night laughing quietly and passing it back and forth, trading mindless stories with mediocre pop playing on the speakers

Michael falls asleep against Dwayne’s shoulder at some point, the world getting too hazy for his eyes to stay open, and when he wakes up there’s sunlight filling the car and the driver’s seat is empty

Michael leaves the car in the lot and stumbles his way back home

Dwayne shows up that night again, in a new car, and Michael doesn’t question it

Dwayne doesn’t mention anything, just says he thought Michael deserved to hear some decent music and shows off a few CDs he brought to play for him

That night’s much the same as the last, they get drunk, and talk, and drive a bit recklessly, and Dwayne mouths along to Bowie and Billy Idol and a few groups Michael’s never heard of with a relaxed ease that makes it look like the words were made for him

Michael can’t stop staring at his lips; the way they move, the way Dwayne smiles

At some point they end up parked on one of the hills overlooking town, a classic teen getaway spot of Michael ever saw one, and he jokingly asks if they’re supposed to make out now or something

Dwayne smirks and leans over to brace his arm on the side of Michael’s seat and says, “I dunno Michael, are we?”

It’s a hesitant thing, the first kiss. Dwayne let’s Michael lean in first, make the contact, and then it’s faster from there, the worry washed soft by the alcohol

Dwayne ends up clambering over into Michael’s lap, tangling his fingers in his hair and pulling him up into a deeper kiss, his head knocking into the roof of the car when Michael reciprocates, and wow. This is definitely a new experience, but Michael can’t find it in himself to care much in the moment

After that things shift, but not too much

There’s still an easiness to everything, almost a laziness

They hold hands when they’re out a lot, Dwayne tugging Michael around to show him things, and Michael pulling him closer into his side with a squeeze of his knuckles

They sleep together a good amount (literally), crashing in the makeshift beds the boys have set up around the cave when the night turns to dawn and Michael’s too wiped to head home

They’re both pretty big guys and alternate who’s the big and little spoon, usually going for something that’s more just limbs thrown on top of each other than anything

There’s both an energy and a mutual tiredness to things, they can be rowdy and go out to fuck around, but there’s also the space to just sit in silence and be content with that

With the door open for displays of affection, Dwayne makes it a point to fluster Michael often, always very smooth and suave in his actions

He doesn’t really use pet names, which only makes the times he calls Michael “pretty boy” all the more impactful

Michael’s not one to blush or stutter, but he definitely has his own tells, like hiding his face or smiling unsteadily, and that’s what Dwayne aims for

It takes time for Michael to build up the courage to return flirtations, largely due to still working through internalized fears, but when he does he actually manages to make Dwayne flustered himself, on rare occasions

Dwayne is very serious and intentional about helping Michael discover the new facets of his sexuality, talking with him about it and guiding things when he’s unsure

He urges him to experiment, to step out of his comfort zone both with presentation and with how he thinks about himself

Even if things don’t feel right, it’ll give him new experiences and help him feel out where he sits

One night when Michael decides he wants to try something very new, Dwayne helps doll him up, makeup and painted nails and styled hair and everything. He even picks out a skirt for him, but after (somewhat) seeing himself in the mirror, Michael feels like it’s too much and goes with pants instead

Dwayne’s very encouraging and supportive of him the whole night and Michael eventually stops being so tense, relaxing and enjoying their night out

At the end he kisses Dwayne and thanks him for the new experience, saying he wouldn’t be opposed to trying it again sometime, maybe just in smaller steps

He ends up finding out he likes eyeliner, and earrings, and sometimes lipstick, and on rarer occasions dresses, but definitely not often

Dwayne likes to fiddle with Michael’s hair in their more quiet moments, pulling on it idly or curling it around his fingers, and it usually makes Michael fall asleep

Dwayne gets Michael into new music, easing him into the worlds of Rock and Jazz and Indie, and ends up taking him to several of his first concerts

One night Dwayne pulls up outside the Emerson house on his bike, and when Michael opens the door he gestures to it with a smile

“Up for driving tonight?”

“Are you serious?”

“Promised, didn’t I?”

Michael grins and quickly slams the door behind him, giddily approaching the bike

He throws his leg over the seat and just sits there for a moment, admiring the handlebars as Dwayne situates himself behind him

“Time to ride, pretty boy. Let’s see how you handle it.”

Michael huffs out a laugh and revs the engine. “Just you wait.”

They speed off down the road, a cloud of dust and a loud whoop from Michael hanging in the air behind them

Headcanons Masterpost

[eldritchqueerture]

Hello! This is a project for @summer-in-the-archives-event that I worked on with @horizonindigo! We came up with the idea together and based our individual works around the poem I wrote, included in the fic. You can find their absolutely amazing art here!!

I freaking loved working on this one and I got more and more excited as we progressed. I also surprised myself with the poem itself a bit, definitely didn’t expect it to end up quite as cool, if I may say so myself. It was incredibly fun to write.

Big shoutout to @sunflowers-and-frogs for beta reading, I love you bestie <3

I would like to thank all the mods that made this event possible! It’s my first time taking part in anything like this and it was really, really fun, so THANK YOU <3 Love you guys :3 Anyways, enough of my rambling kdfjgkjsdfg

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: M/M Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Relationship: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical The Lonely Content (The Magnus Archives), Kissing, Excessive Tea-Making, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Poetry, Love Confessions Warnings: self-esteem issues, typical Lonely content, discussions of free-will and determinism, graphic kiss

Summary: As Martin fights the remnants of the Lonely's influence on their ride to Daisy's safehouse in Scotland, he focuses on his feelings for Jon to keep him tethered to reality. He watches Jon be himself in the safety of the cottage, share these small intimacies of domesticity and the words come to him as a poem weaves itself into the pages of his notebook...

He feels the taste of salt in his mouth, as he looks out of the car window at the rapidly falling away landscape, covered in the darkness of the night. He feels Jon’s presence next to him, focused on driving but glancing every so often at him with concern. Martin feels like he should say something, somehow fill the silence that has befallen them, but no words ever find their way to his mouth. He stays quiet, watching the trees pass them by, trying to ignore the anxious churning in his stomach. He’s always been pretty good at filling awkward silences with chatter; at least before the Lonely. Now… he can’t help but feel bothered by Jon’s presence, even though he did all of this for him, even though this is what he’s wanted all this time; it’s like a splinter, prickling at his mind, almost causing him physical discomfort. He swallows and feels the salty taste on his tongue; he discards the thoughts and tries his best to breathe through the discomfort, instead focusing on the sensation of Jon’s warm hand on his.

Martin used to be the warm one; he’d always been generating heat and his mind goes back to the early days in the Archives when the basement was cold in the winter and both Tim and Sasha used to gravitate towards him with their respective cups of tea during breaks. Now his whole body is cold, the chill of the ocean breeze and fog having settled in his bones so deep he thinks he’ll never feel warm again. The thought isn’t sparking any emotions in him though. It’s just a thing that he’s learned to accept, just as the fact that he’ll always be alo—

“Do you want me to put on some music?” Jon asks with another one of his glances. Every time, he raises his eyebrows a bit, and tilts his head to the side; Martin expects the concern in his eyes, but he sees something else there as well. He’s been afraid to put a label to the expression for the fear he’s reading him wrong, but the bolder part of his mind tells him it’s fondness.

Jon’s hand is warm, and his thumb grazes the skin of his palm just a little, as if not sure he’s allowed to. Martin looks down at their hands and feels warmth spark in his stomach; he smiles.

“I’m sorry I’m—I’m not really good at the whole, uh… small talk thing,” Jon adds with a flush, turning his head back to the road. “I should probably be talking about something, though, to, uh… to keep you here. I suppose.” He visibly cringes at his words.

“It’s—It’s fine, Jon,” Martin chuckles, and Jon relaxes, fixing him with a quick smile of his own. “I’m just… you know.” He looks down at their hands again and has a brief feeling they belong to someone else. Not him. Never him. “I’m not quite… out of that. Yet.”

Another look of concern. Martin feels heat prickling at his cheeks and he’s a little bit glad, because at least it’s a feeling. He interlaces their fingers and looks out the front window.

They spend the ride in relative silence. Jon tries a couple more times to start small talk and fails; they stop at a gas station at one point and Martin takes out his notebook when Jon disappears inside the station to pay for gas. He flicks through it and his eyes stop at an unfinished draft; he started writing it shortly before Peter took him down to the Panopticon, but he’d only managed to get a few first lines down. Despite still feeling the cold in his bones and his mind being clouded by the remains of the fog, words come to him, and he starts scribbling. He continues to do so even when Jon comes back with tea and an assortment of snacks, blushing just a little bit when Jon shoots a curious look at the notebook. He doesn’t ask and Martin is thankful for it. He’s not the sort to show his drafts to anyone, especially to the subject he’s writing about.

It’s 1am when they arrive at the cottage; they’re both exhausted and they quickly take their bags inside and lock the door. The cottage is small and practical, just Daisy’s style; it’s also quite dusty from months of abandonment. Martin yawns as he opens one of the bags to get the essentials. They should leave unpacking and cleaning for the next day.

He hears Jon’s footsteps on the wooden floor coming back from the initial run of the house and he turns to tell him that, but the somewhat sheepish look on his face stops him in his tracks. Has he ever seen Jon look sheepish before?

“So, uh, obviously this was Daisy’s safehouse when she was, well… Avoiding people,” he says, not meeting Martin’s eyes.

“I hope ‘avoiding people’ doesn’t mean killing them in this context,” Martin snorts, not sure if he’s entirely joking. The humour is lost on Jon, however, as he looks at him confused for a moment before he processes Martin’s words.

“Oh, no, no, I-I don’t believe she, uh… She just slept here.” Jon shifts awkwardly. “And that means there’s uh, there’s only one bed.”

Martin’s eyes widen and his lips form a little “Oh”.

“Of course, if you’re not comfortable with sharing, I can just take the couch, you need some proper rest and I’m used to running on low sleep” —Jon averts his gaze as he speaks. He grabs his bag and walks over to the couch, and Martin wants to stop him talking and just say that they should share the bed, but his voice seems to have left him at this crucial moment. He just stares as Jon places the bag on the couch and looks back at him, aware of the silence. “Martin?”

Martin swallows, a familiar cold freezing his toes. He feels the damp sand underneath his bare feet and a chill runs down his spine. He blinks and tightens his grip on the bag he’s been holding. This is real, he is real, Jon is real.

“You need good rest too,” he finally manages to say, and he’s surprised by how clear and normal his voice sounds; it makes Jon relax a bit. “We should share the bed, if-if you are comfortable with that.”

A small smile appears on Jon’s lips and a warm feeling fills Martin’s stomach again; he knows the smile is for him.

“Okay,” he says softly and picks the bag up.

They manage to keep the awkwardness of it to the minimum; they’re both very tired and at one point it just doesn’t matter anymore. Jon hands Martin a separate blanket and he pushes the disappointment down into a void inside him where he keeps feelings to come back to when he’s alone. It would be foolish of him to hope for cuddling since they haven’t talked about anything yet.

He expects to fall asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow, but he finds himself awake in the darkness after goodnights are said (Jon’s voice sounds so soft and tender Martin has forgotten all about his earlier disappointment). He’s laying on his back, eyes closed, and he feels Jon’s presence on his right. His breathing is steady, not yet slow enough to indicate sleep, but calm and relaxed. Martin peeks out through half-lidded eyes – he hasn’t gotten used to the darkness as much yet, but he can see Jon laying on his side, facing him, his eyes closed and his hair loosely framing his face. One of his hands rests close to his head on the pillow. Martin blinks, fully opening his eyes now and smiling softly. As his vision clears, Martin notices Jon frowning ever so slightly, and he wonders if the faint lines between his eyebrows smoothen when he’s asleep.

“Is watching people sleep a usual activity for you?” Jon whispers with amusement as he opens his eyes and Martin gasps with surprise and looks away, feeling heat prickle at his cheeks.

“Wha—uh, no! No, of course no—Sorry, I—” He rambles, and he thinks he might just die from embarrassment when he hears Jon laugh quietly.

“It’s fine, Martin.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “Really. I-- Sorry, I thought a joke would, um… lighten the mood somewhat.”

Martin risks a look at him and wonders if the red on his cheeks is visible through the darkness. Jon looks at him with that expression again, something Martin would very much want to classify as fondness if it didn’t feel so impossible. But now that he thinks about it… Would it really be thatfar-fetched? Jon had gone into the Lonely just to get him out. Would he have done that for anyone else? Martin rolls his eyes at himself in his mind, of course he would. He did go into the Buried, and it was for Daisy, a person who has threatened him multiple times, kidnapped and almost killed him. If Jon was ready to lay down his life for her, out of all of them, it shouldn’t be surprising he would do the same for his assistant; it says nothing about his feelings on the matter.

Martin’s memories of the Lonely are hazy. He remembers the cold, the dampness, and the loneliness. He remembers his thoughts, the lonely ones, and how they felt both alien and familiar at the same time. He remembers the comfort, the feeling of fitting in, but also the pain and the fear, just before they were numbed by the cold and the fog that made him forget. And then suddenly, Jon was in front of him, looking at him with desperation on his face, tears in his eyes glowing with a green light. Was it Jon calling for him, or just the Beholding?

“What are you thinking about?” comes Jon’s voice and Martin realizes he’s been staring into the air for a while. He blinks and looks back at Jon.

“Uh…” He searches for words before he gives up on trying to come up with an excuse. His voice is quiet when he speaks. “Why did you do it?”

Jon blinks at him a couple times and rises to lean on his elbow, to better look at Martin.

“What do you mean?”

“The Lonely,” Martin says, not meeting his eyes. Jon is wearing a blue t-shirt with a logo of a band Martin doesn’t recognize; the shirt is loose and it uncovers one of Jon's shoulders which would probably be distracting if Martin’s mind wasn't chilled by the remnants of the fog. “Why did you come for me?”

Even without looking at him, Martin sees Jon’s forehead ripple. A while passes as Jon searches his face and the thought that he shouldn’t have asked starts creeping up to Martin’s head. Shouldn’t have brought any attention to the subject, he should just be glad, he should—

“I care about you, Martin,” Jon says in a very gentle and quiet voice, like he’s afraid anything louder would take away the meaning of his words. Martin looks up at Jon and the hint of that intense blush from before makes it back to his face. “You’re… You matter to me. You will always matter to me.”

Martin can’t stop a small smile appearing on his face and Jon mirrors it.

“Thank you,” Martin whispers, feeling a warmth settle in his chest, finally driving the cold away.

“Anytime.” Jon lays his head back down and settles back with the right hand near his face. “Sleep well, Martin.”

Martin closes his eyes contentedly and he curls up on his right side, facing Jon, as if trying to keep this warm feeling from escaping his chest too soon.

“You too, Jon.”

---

Martin wakes up alone in an unfamiliar bed, the smell of foreign covers filling his nostrils and for a second he panics. He opens his eyes and the memories come back to him; their late arrival at the safehouse and laying down to sleep next to Jon.

He sits up, looking at the space Jon had occupied. It’s vacant now, just the curled up covers he left behind, but it manages to bring a blush to Martin’s cheeks, nonetheless. It feels so… intimate to know that they slept next to each other. It makes him feel warm and cosy.

Martin gets up and goes to the bathroom before he finds Jon in the kitchen. He’s humming quietly as he finishes cleaning the table and he looks up when Martin enters.

“Good morning, Martin.” He smiles and Martin’s afraid he’s going to melt. He takes a quick look around and notices that their sparse kitchen supplies are mostly unpacked, and the kettle is already on the stove.

“How long have you been awake?” He asks; some of the shock must have made it to his voice because Jon looks amused.

“Two hours or so. I’ve always been a morning person.” He shrugs and finishes cleaning the table. “Tea?”

A smile lights up Martin’s face and he gets swept up by the familiarity of the activity, while Jon busies himself with fixing up some breakfast. As both of them work in the kitchen, Martin notices the casual brushes of their skin and touches of the shoulders. He doesn’t know if he’s doing it consciously or if it just happens naturally, but he knows that Jon’s open demeanour is drawing him closer than before. He wonders if he’s been like this ever since he woke up from the coma, and there was just no one to appreciate it.

The morning is relaxed, the casual conversation flowing a lot smoother than the day before, and after breakfast they set out to clean the whole cottage and go down to the village to buy some actual supplies. The village is small, but the local shop provides all the essentials they need; for a moment Martin forgets about everything outside of that village and shopping for groceries with Jon, as if this is their life now, in the Scottish Highlands, living together in a cottage. They talk about cooking dinner, and the cows they passed on the way, and Martin thinks he could get used to that.

The bubble bursts when they finish up and Jon decides to call Basira. She picks up after a while and updates them on the absence of both Jonah Magnus and Daisy. Basira says she’ll send some statements up to them when the Institute stops being an active crime scene, and a shadow passes over Jon’s face. Wrapped up in a conversation about their taste in dinner dishes, it was almost too easy for Martin to forget food isn’t the only sustenance Jon needs. He finds it easier to forget things ever since the Lonely. They walk back to their cottage in silence, Martin grabbing Jon’s hand as soon as he lets go of the phone.

When they get back, Jon declares he’s going to take care of unpacking and cooking, and even though Martin knows Jon to be stupidly stubborn, he’s surprised by the strictness with which Jon insists he sit back and relax. Martin doesn’t really complain; he’s spent his entire life caring for others and, to be honest, it does feel rather good to be on the receiving end for once. He watches Jon from the couch for a while, before he takes out his notebook and looks over the poem he wrote in the car.

Wisps of mist conceal my eyes

A lone indulgence to lose one's face

And soothing a part inside that cries

With chilling sadness and numbing grace

The steadfast rhythm of waves ashore

As ocean breeze leaves a taste of salt

The words forgotten, erase what I swore

Until I hear your voice once more

I wondered many times what it might be

That we finally took to calling "us"

What would be left if we broke free

Of dread and horror's eternal grasp

The Eye looms aloft, ever-present dread

Watching all, eternal lids apart

You made your choice unaware you were led

By strings of web, against your heart

Jon starts humming under his nose in the kitchen as he cuts something on the board; the water in the kettle boils slowly and fills the air with a quiet whistle. Martin smiles while shooting a subtle glance at Jon; he seems to notice his gaze and falls quiet, but a smile lights up his face when he sees the fondness on Martin’s face. For all this talk about Jon “losing himself” in the role of the Archivist, this seems as human as you can get. Martin never favoured the approach the other archival staff took to the knowledge of the significance of Jon’s position, and he often wondered how they could look at him and see a monster. Of course he made bad decisions, but so did everyone. They’ve seen or read about so many avatars giving into the powers that fed them and yes, maybe Martin is biased, but Jon was nothing like them. They’ve all been caught in this huge web of statements that turned real; the more they struggled to break free the more tangled up they became, and it wasn’t Jon’s fault that he ended up in the centre of it. He knows Jon tried to make right choices every step of the way. Can you really blame a human being for failing to completely resist something that’s beyond mortality and human reality? One way or another they ended up here, together, and yes, maybe the Eye and the Lonely are still looming as very tangible threats, and Jonah Magnus is nowhere near being stopped, but at least they’re together now. Martin remembers thinking the Unknowing was the endgame, the last chapter of this horror for them, and he remembers the hopelessness of their story getting a bad ending that essentially pushed him into the Lonely; now he feels a different kind of an end approaching – he dares to be hopeful. Maybe everything works out in the end? Maybe, if they were safe and happy, it wouldn’t actually be the end of the world.

Martin looks down at his notebook and starts writing, sticking the tip of his tongue out in concentration.

What is a monster? Where is the line

That would separate us from the world

All I know is our paths align

And we together can battle the cold

You cut through the curtains of mist and See

The green glow fades when our eyes meet

My lips form a soft and quiet plea

To be loved has never felt so sweet

To be loved is a new feeling for me

I only know how to love from one side

But with you I hope we can once be free

Maybe ignore the whims of the tide

Although I know we're not nearly through

I taste and savour your voice, your breath

If only for a moment, we can start anew

And I will follow you even to death

As he stares at the last word of the finished poem, his hand with the pen hovering over it, he registers that his eyes have watered a bit. He blinks the tears away quickly as Jon sits down on the couch next to him, looking at him with a gentle worry. Martin looks up at the two mugs of tea he’d placed on the table.

“Did you make tea?” He asks with mock bewilderment, and Jon scoffs at him.

“I know how to make tea, Martin.” He nudges him with amusement, that gentle worry not quite gone from his eyes. “What are you writing about?”

Martin falls quiet, pressing the notebook to his chest in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Thought you didn’t like poetry,” he huffs out a laugh that’s only a little bit self-conscious. Jon shrugs, reaching out for his mug and taking a sip.

“I don’t understand it. And yes, I have been known to dislike it at times, but… Maybe I could be swayed to give it another shot.” Jon rolls his eyes fondly and looks at Martin out of the corner of his eye, a look that says ‘for you’. Martin grins, heat pricking at his cheeks once again.

“You see, i-it’s all about emotion.” He places the notebook gently on his lap face down and reaches for his own mug. “You w-want to put all of your emotions into words in a-an artistic way, that has a rhythm and, uh, and feels alive. And you want your, uh, your readers to feel that, that emotion through your words.”

Jon listens attentively and his eyes aren’t leaving Martin’s face; at one point Martin gets distracted by it and forgets where his explanation was going. Jon’s gaze has always been intense, in different ways throughout the time they’ve known each other. At first it was judgemental, the gaze of his boss, full of unmet expectations; then it was piercing, watchful and suspicious; as time passed, it seemed to gain more and more weight of the Beholding, something Tim always complained about. After Martin had joined Peter Lukas, the rare glances he got from Jon were full of yearning that Martin didn’t understand at the time; didn’t want to understand. Now, it’s that gentle fondness, interweaved with something intangibly sad and Martin feels an urge to hug him, to bring him close to his chest and never let go; to bury his face in Jon’s hair and protect him.

They move to place their mugs at the table at the same time and snort, amusement quickly turning into a fit of laughter. Jon throws his head back a little with it and Martin wonders if he has ever seen him laugh so openly before. He didn’t think it was possible for him to fall in love with the man even more, but once again, his heart proves him wrong. He stares at him with a lovestruck expression and thinks they should really talk about it. Martin doesn’t know where to start though and Jon seems to be thinking in a similar direction because his expression shifts into gentle seriousness.

“Martin, I…” He starts and bites his lip. “I need to apologize.”

Martin straightens a little; it’s not exactly what he expects.

“I—The way I used to treat you…” Pain and guilt flash through Jon’s face as he looks away for a moment to gather his thoughts. “It was not okay. None of it was okay. And I’m—I’m really sorry for that. It doesn’t—I know it doesn’t change anything that happened, but I” —he sighs. “I really am sorry. I hope I can, somehow, uh… somehow make it up to you.”

Martin reaches for Jon’s hand, and he looks down in surprise; Martin sees his eyes start glistening.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened to you.” He continues in a whisper and his eyes are locked on their touching hands. “I’m so sorry about the Lonely. I’m sorry that you’re trapped in all of this with me, and I would understand if you decided to leave—”

“Jon.” Martin squeezes his hand and Jon’s eyes shoot up to look at him.

“I’m sorry, that’s not an apology,” he sighs again. “I just… I’m sorry, Martin. About everything.” His other hand grips Martin’s. “I’m glad you are still here. I’m—I’m so glad, you d-don’t even know,” he laughs.

“I think I do.” Martin smiles gently. “Thank you for saying that. I’ve—I've forgiven you for a lot of it a long time ago. A-And the rest just isn’t your fault.”

Jon frowns.

“The Lonely was always there,” Martin shrugs. “Peter Lukas was just… a catalyst, I think. But now I have you.” His finger grazes the outside of Jon’s palm and his heart flutters in his chest when he sees that small smile appear on Jon’s face. “And you can’t be blamed for Elia—Jonah’s games. We’re all just… a bunch of people who didn’t know what was going on until it was too late.”

Jon’s eyes fall as he nods slightly.

“He’s still up to something,” he says quietly.

“Figures,” Martin laughs bitterly. “But we’re here now. And frankly, I don’t really want to think about him when we’re finally…” The word ‘together’ gets stuck in his throat, as if it would breach this fine line of ambiguity they’ve drawn between themselves. Jon seems to fill it in and his eyes land back on Martin.

He’s never wanted to kiss him more than he does right now. Jon's eyes are wide and glistening with something that looks suspiciously like hope, and his fingers gently graze the outside of Martin's palm. Warmth spreads in his chest and his eyes flutter a little, not breaking the eye contact. He wants to pull Jon close to his chest, to run his fingers through his hair and feel his breath on his own skin. To really feel like he's there, next to him, with him.

Before he can follow through with any of that, something sizzles in the kitchen, loud in the silence, startling them both.

“Food!” Jon chuckles slightly before he jumps to his feet and rushes to the kitchen, while Martin snorts and follows him. Jon stirs the pan with curry and sighs with relief when he sees it's not burned. He turns down the heat anyway and checks on the rice.

“Jon, this smells amazing,” Martin says, peeking into the pan with cheese and spinach. “I didn't know you could cook.”

“Well, contrary to the popular belief I was a functional human being. For a while,” Jon snorts and leans against the counter to look back at Martin. “It's Palak Paneer, my grandma taught me when I was a child.”

“It looks fantastic,” Martin grins, and Jon rolls his eyes in mock exasperation.

Even though the moment's lost, the remains of the feeling can be felt between them as they prepare the plates and take the food to the table. They easily fall back into usual chatter and, as soon as they’re finished, Martin jumps to wash the dishes. Jon relents after extensive affirmations from Martin that he's alright and he can definitely take care of a couple dishes in the sink, and he drops onto the couch with a content sigh instead.

Martin finishes up with the dishes and dries his hands on a towel.

“Do you want some tea?” He asks and hangs the towel back on the rack. When there's no response, he turns to the couch. “Jon?”

Something sinks in his stomach when he sees that the object that consumes Jon’s attention is the poem he’s finished; he scratches his neck, as his cheeks take on a pink tinge. “Oh…”

He walks up to the couch, unsure, trying to gauge Jon's reaction. His face seems tense, he squeezes the notebook in his hand so hard his knuckles go white, and his eyes are focused at one point on the page.

“Um... Jon?” Martin asks weakly, his heart drumming in his chest so loud he's sure both of them can hear it.

Jon jumps to his feet, startled, and looks up at him with eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights. Martin instinctively raises his hands in a placating gesture, as Jon registers his presence, looks down on the notebook in his hands, and quickly puts it on the table as if it stung him.

“Martin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to look, it was just there and—”

“Hey, Jon, it’s alright!” It’s maybe a little not alright, since the poem is nothing short of a love confession and a wish Martin had no right to assume would ever be true, so Jon reading it is less than ideal. Martin rushes to gently place a hand on Jon’s shoulder but when he recoils from the touch, Martin withdraws his hand, cursing everything about himself.

“No, I, uh…” Jon runs his hand through his hair, eyes darting between Martin, his hand, and the notebook frantically. “I shouldn’t have— uh, it’s—it’s your private business, what you write about, so—”

Martin is sure he’s tomato red on the face by this point and hopes against hope that the afternoon light filtering through the curtains obscures it just a little. Jon, on the other hand, doesn’t have the embarrassed blush that usually darkens his cheeks; instead he breathes fast, his hands shaking ever so slightly. Martin sees him hunch just a little, making himself smaller.

“Um, yeah, I, uh—” He starts fidgeting with his fingers. Did the idea of—of love frighten Jon so much? He was stupid to leave it out in the open and now Jon knows, and it’s not how he feels, so he hates him… “I’m sorry.”

Jon’s eyes snap to him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“For what?”

Martin huffs out something like a pained laugh.

“Th-That’s not exactly how- how I wanted to tell you.” He wrings out his hands and shoots Jon a pleading look. What’s done is done and the only thing he can hope for is for Jon to let him down easy and never speak of this again.

“Tell me?” Jon looks down at the notebook again and there’s the worry again, stark on his face. He breathes out, slowly, and looks at the floor. “I don’t—I don’t even want to think this is a possibility…”

Martin doesn’t need to imagine what it would be like to be stabbed, if he wanted to - he’s pretty sure the acute pain of his heart shattering in his chest is close enough. His mind tries to catch up to the emotions, slow them down just a bit, because something seems off, and isn’t this a weird way to reject someone you must have known had a crush on you? But his throat tightens with the swell of pain and shame and Martin blinks away the tears welling up in his eyes.

Jon sighs and plops down on the couch, hiding his face in his hands and pushing his glasses up to his forehead.

“We d-don’t have to talk about it, if—if you don’t want to,” Martin says quietly. He sits down next to Jon, careful not to touch him in any way, and puts his hands between his knees.

Jon lets out a bitter laugh.

“Isn’t that what they—the Web would want? Just… mindlessly follow, go with the flow until something… irreversibly bad happens?”

Martin turns to Jon with a frown.

“Wh—What?”

Jon looks at him with something glistening in his eyes and Martin can see the lines of pain and misery written on his face like they belong there.

“The web,” he says faintly. “Strings of fate. I—” He lets out a breath. “Was I just being manipulated this whole time? Was I ever really—Did I ever have a choice?”

“Jon... what are you talking about?”

“You—You said I was...” He reaches for the notebook and points at a verse with his finger. “’Made your choice unaware you were led by strings of web against your heart.’ How—W-Why did you say this?”

Martin stares into Jon's green eyes with concern, yet parts of his heart start to weave themselves back together. However confused and worried Jon seems to be, none of it is directed at Martin; he looks at him with desperation, almost pleading, and he realizes they’ve been having two different conversations at the same time.

“Oh-Oh, God, Jon, I-I didn't mean—I just, it's a-a metaphor, just that, you know,” he takes a breath. “It does remind me of a web, the-the way we got caught up in Elias' plans.” He looks down, his cheeks burning as he remembers why Jon would get caught at this specific phrase. “I'm sorry for, uh, using that, it was just the first thing that came to my mind and—”

Jon exhales next to him and Martin risks a look up. The uneasiness isn't gone from his face but he relaxes just a little bit, enough to stabilize his breathing.

“I'm sorry for this… this whole thing, Martin.” He gestures at nothing in particular and it's his turn to look at the floor, as if it's all of a sudden the most interesting thing he's ever seen. He starts fidgeting with the notebook. “I'm just—What if it’s true?” His voice goes higher at the question and he closes his eyes. Martin squeezes his arm. “What if I am just... Just a puppet? An inhuman, helpless puppet in the hands of—Of some spider pulling the strings?”

A tear rolls down Jon's cheek and Martin grabs one of his hands. It’s small and still shakes a little; he tries to put all the protectiveness he feels into this small gesture. Jon doesn’t recoil this time, instead taking a moment to watch Martin’s hand clasp around his.

“Jon,” Martin starts softly. “You're still you. You're not some—Some spider puppet that can't make choices.”

“But what if—”

“You've made a choice to go into the Lonely for me.” Martin bumps their knees together lightly and Jon looks up at him. “I don't suspect any webs would need me alive to push you into it. It was You.”

Jon looks him in the eyes and Martin barely stops himself from reaching up to his face to wipe away his tears.

“Or it just makes us think that we have a choice but are ultimately helpless against fate and everything we do is determined by intricately crafted circumstances,” Jon whispers. “Maybe free will is a lie.”

Martin blinks.

“Jon...”

“Maybe I was never able to stop it. Any of it.” Jon’s voice grows more horrified and even though his eyes are directed at Martin's face, he seems to be looking somewhere past him. “Maybe nothing we try to do really matters.”

“Jon.” Martin’s voice gains a bit of force, even though he feels all but sure. “What do you see?”

Jon frowns. “What?”

“Look at me and tell me what you see?” The force is gone; the sentence sounds more like a feeble suggestion than a request, but Jon's eyes refocus on Martin's in a frown of confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“We're here now,” Martin says quietly. “And yeah, maybe our decisions are all predetermined or whatever. I still think it matters that we try. I think our experience matters. And you're not a-a monster without free will, Jon. You care about people, and you’ve sacrificed a lot for other people. You've made your own choices and, no matter if they were good or bad, they were still yours. And I think that matters.”

Jon blinks at him for a moment, then his shoulders slump with a sigh and he interlaces their fingers. Martin doesn’t miss it and he feels warmth in his chest.

“I've always been afraid of—of my will not being my own anymore,” he confesses quietly. “Of, uh... of not knowing the difference.”

“I get it,” Martin nods. “If it’s any consolation, I see a lot of Jon in you still.” Jon looks up at him with surprise and Martin gives him a half smile. “I see a very changed Jon but it's still Jon.” He strokes Jon's palm as his heart picks up the pace. “The same Jon I've first fallen in love with.”

Jon exhales softly, his face caught in a soft surprise, and Martin smiles around the dull ache in his chest.

“You don't have to say anything. I'm sure you've known for a while, but I just... I wanted to say it.”

With every second that passes in silence, however, Martin's cheeks grow hotter, and he concludes that this might have been a mistake.

“I-I'm sorry. M-Maybe I shouldn't have said that, I… I don't want things to get weird or anything, so, uh, we can, we can just forget—”

“Martin.” Jon says his name in a soft and kind of inquisitive way that makes his heart bounce around and transforms the ache in his chest into swirling butterflies again. Martin looks up and Jon’s head is tilted to the side, his face still wet with tears, but he notices something hopeful glitter in his eyes. “I love you too.”

Martin frowns, suddenly wondering if he isn't dreaming. Is Jon really saying what he thinks he is? Did he hear correctly? Maybe he misheard—

“I have for a while,” Jon's voice is still quiet and soft. “I didn't want to say anything because I thought it was too early after the Lonely and you might not feel this way anymore, but...”

Martin swallows, acutely aware of how loud his heartbeat is. He squeezes Jon’s hand and smiles slightly.

“I... I didn't know,” he whispers, not trusting his voice to cooperate.

“As soon as I woke up from the coma, I wanted to tell you,” Jon says. “I thought I was too late; that it took me too long to stop denying the feelings I had because I didn’t know how to deal with them, and I'd missed my chance.” He laughs bitterly.

“So that’s what it was about,” Martin whispers, as Jon's actions towards him throughout his time as Peter Lukas’ assistant start falling into place. Jon looks at him with a frown, so he adds, “The ‘let's gouge out our eyes and escape'.”

Jon scrunches up his nose and clears his throat.

“Yes, well. Yeah.”

Martin chuckles quietly.

“I don't think I would have lasted in the Lonely if I understood then. But then again. It didn't really matter in the end. It didn't help.”

“But it was your choice,” Jon echoes Martin's words from before and their eyes meet again.

“Yeah. It was my choice.”

They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, losing track of time, before Jon smiles slightly and looks back at the notebook.

“I really am sorry for not asking your permission, though,” he says. “I got so caught up in the metaphor I didn’t even finish it.”

Martin blinks, the warmth from his chest spreading to his cheeks again.

“D-Do you want to?”

Jon smiles softly, this new smile that Martin has only seen in the past couple of days, always directed at him.

“If you’d let me.”

Martin needs to look away, unable to handle the affection in Jon’s eyes. He mumbles an ‘okay’ with a smile that’s not entirely under his control and gets up.

“But I am making that tea whether you want it or not, waiting for someone to finish reading something is a torture.”

He hears Jon laugh as he heads back to the kitchen.

When he comes back with two steaming mugs, Jon is waiting for him with a smile and his nervousness dissipates with his next words.

“I like it,” Jon says. “Apart from the, uh, web metaphor, obviously. It's hopeful.”

“Y-You do?”

Martin swallows; the pleasant tingling in his stomach is back. He places their mugs on the table and reaches out to join their hands again. Jon intertwines their fingers immediately and caresses the outside of Martin’s palm with his thumb.

Jon looks down at the verses again and smiles softly, almost sheepishly, a familiar blush darkening his cheeks.

“I—I don't know if there would be anything for us outside of. You know. The fears and all that,” he grimaces. “At least, for me. But, uh…” He looks at Martin again with a hopeful expression that makes Martin melt a little, and he gently caresses Martin's cheek with his free hand. “I really like the thought of it.”

Martin's brain might be short-circuiting at this moment and all of his thoughts take form of fuzzy static.

“Me too,” he says, suddenly breathless. Jon's hand rests cupping his cheek and, are they a bit closer than they were a second ago? Jon's gaze slides down Martin's face to his lips and he feels he might faint right there and then. He doesn't, instead gathering up his courage to take a breath.

“Can I kiss you?” Jon asks first and Martin feels his lips form a grin.

“Please,” he breathes out; the next second their lips meet, soft but urgent, desperate and sick of waiting. Martin's hand dives into Jon's soft hair, fingers scraping the delicate skin of his head and earning him a low sound from Jon's throat. They pull each other closer and find a rhythm to lose themselves in for just a moment; the sensation of Jon's tongue swirling in his mouth, of his slender fingers on his cheek and his neck, the pressure of his body against his chest; all of it making Martin dizzy with happiness.

Martin pulls away when his lungs painfully remind him breathing is still a necessity and he opens his eyes to look at Jon – His soft lips, his nose, his pockmark scars, and his eyes, green yet with no trace of Beholding in them. He takes him in whole, with all of his flaws and all of his virtues, and he feels seen in return, seen by the man he loves and who loves him. The weight of it all hits Martin like a crashing wave and he pulls Jon in for a tight embrace.

“I love you,” he whispers against his shoulder, and he feels Jon's arms tightening around his torso.

“I love you too, Martin.”

[ronnytherandom]

I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

 Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

[forbidding-souda]

hello!! i dont know if you’re still doing them but could i request number 31 from the prompt list for shuichi and hajime (preferably with either gender neutral or male pronouns) ty!!

31: “Hey, I’m having fun” Shuichi Saihara & Hajime Hinata (masc S/O)

I luv Hajime with my whole heart so I got you!! And yeah I’m still doing them <3!! 

Me and my godbrother were taking turns playing Mario and whoever wasn’t holding the one remote had to add sentences to this, so yeah here’s the result of that by the way, it’s towards the end of the Hajime one and the beginning of the Saihara one :D

-Mod Souda

Hajime Hinata

You had a lot of friends in your class, as a part of the main course with the ultimates, and so you hung around them a lot.

And often, in an almost noblesse oblige, you’d bring along Hajime.

Chiaki runs the group hangouts, along with Ibuki, and they both seem to get along with him most.

But you still get anxious, because you know how much he admires the ultimates, and you wonder if getting him to hang out with them is making him jealous.

You don’t care that he’s not an ultimate, he’s still the one you love. But sometimes you get worried that you’re forcing him to come along with you. Does he not want to hang out with your friends? He’s not very vocal about his concerns, he usually goes along with what everyone is doing.

Every time you both go out with them he clings to your side, not saying much and laughing awkwardly.

The things your friends can do blows his mind.

Akane eats a whole chicken wing in one bite? His mind just ???

So when another party comes up in the talk, you already try to plan it in your head. What can you do to make Hajime more comfortable?

Chiaki, in her calm voice, introduces the idea.

“How about... us all in a big room with balloons and flashing lights?”

Ibuki is already excited. “Flashing lights? Like a concert.”

Chiaki gets a small smile. “Sure, how about you perform for us, Ibuki.”

“Maan, I want to perform too!” Saionji calls out, her head on her desk.

“Then that settles it,” Chiaki puts her hands together, “I suppose we all start to plan it now!”

A concert seems like the perfect place for Hajime to fit in.

He doesn’t need to talk to others, and it’s a place where you both are free to dance together!

The thought of being that close to him makes your cheeks heat up.

Would he enjoy that too?

Later, when the school day ends, you stand outside the reserve course’s main building, pulling your jacket closer to you as the winds begin to increase.

It’s always cloudy outside of the school, and it’s not something you’re too fond of whenever you wear the school uniform. Especially when it’s warm and moist.

“Hey,” Hajime knocks you out of your half-conscious state, “how has your day been?”

His eyes, his smile, the content look on his face.

Everything about it you love!

With a big smile you respond, “but I want to hear about you!”

And so you hear about how boring his day was as you both walk down the street.

The sun shines down on his face, peeking through the clouds, and highlighting everything you like about him.

Your face lights up for a second as you remember the party Chiaki was planning.

“Oh, Hajime, you wouldn’t believe the party we have planned out!”

“Does it take place in the school?”

“Yep, in the gym! Yukizome totally got permission for it and everything, Ibuki Mioda is even throwing a concert for just us!”

He stops walking, glancing down at you with a small smile.

“And when is this?”

You can’t tell if his interest is faked or not.

“This weekend! Some ways to go, right?”

He starts walking again before he responds. “I can’t wait.”

You both walk until you reach your room, and then he gives your forehead a small kiss before leaving.

And the rest of the week you both spent the majority of your time together after school walking around until you both end up somewhere recognizable.

Though, without telling him, your mind was occupied on what to wear.

How fancy do you want to be with him?

A tuxedo would impress nobody but Sonia, for sure.

Maybe something charming, like a button-up?

Standing in front of the mirror thirty minutes before the event, you confirm the idea of a button-up. 

And maybe a tie?

No, a tie makes it too official.

While you were decided what accessories to put on there is a knock at the door.

And there stands Hajime, wearing a white button-up and a tie.

“Hajime, you didn’t have to walk over here, I could have walked to your place!”

He puts his hands out in front of him defensively, trying to wave you off.

“I just couldn’t wait to see you!”

Flattered, you put your hands to your cheeks.

“Well, I’m almost done, but we can go now.”

He holds your hand throughout the walk.

The sky is an orange hue, and the sun is almost touching the horizon. Wisps of yellow and pink mix in the sky like paint.

His feet halt before he passes the gates that lead into Hope’s Peak Academy.

He’s passed them before, countless times with you.

But no matter how familiar he gets, the school is still a distant dream to him.

“Come on, let’s go!” You cheer, dragging him passed his mental block.

Past the doors of the school, Chiaki stands against a wall, her game system in hand as she consciously taps away on it.

“Good evening, Chiaki!”

She peers up for only a moment to wave before returning to her game. Maybe she’s a door mouse.

The gym, decorated by everyone in your class, had lights of blue and purple shooting from the stage.

Balloons of pink float, taped to the snack table and the edges of the stage, some of them bare and bouncing around on the floor.

Not all of your classmates are here, just a few you would expect to be early.

“Welcome back Hajime,” Sonia greets him, waving when she notices both of you. “How exciting is this! A concert inside of our school, wow!”

Breathing out, he adds, “Hope’s Peak Academy is truly amazing.”

Most of your classmates know him by name at this point, and they all know to be nice to him. None of them look down on him because of his status. None of them care that much to remember it.

Your mind almost immediately jumps to wondering where Ibuki is, as this is her magical moment. Perhaps she is hiding behind the curtains of the stage.

Your friends start coming, one by one until all 15 students stand inside of the gym.

And as the curtains pull back, you realize you were right. There, with her guitar, shooting fire out of its neck, she rings out chords and sings her heart out with Saionji dances in the front.

Not the best combo, but you enjoy it nonetheless.

And, no matter how chaotic her music is, you love it with all of your heart.

“That’s unique,” Hajime whispers to himself.

“She left her band because of creative differences,” you explain, smiling to yourself.

“Thank you so much for listening to my first song!” Ibuki cheers out, throwing her thumbs up, “and now - here are some of the oldies!”

And as soon as she finished, you grab Hajime���s hand, spinning him in place. His feet stumble as he was caught in surprise at the moment.

You both laugh against each other, vibrating with happiness as he returns the favor, spinning you around and pulling you close to his chest.

“Such romantic music.” He coos.

The others around you fall into the same, sugary light-hearted mood you and Hajime set. They dance, some better than others, but all in sync with the beat.

Even the slight swaying of the SHSL Imposter is enough to let everyone know the party has started.

The lights shine on everyone, showing your bodies as cold hues.

You can even feel his heart against yours one you grab him, pulling him into a kiss, which he happily returns.

Until someone interrupts.

“S/O-kun....” Chiaki puts her hand on your back. “Can you escort me to the bathroom, I don’t want to get lost.”

Chiaki we go to the same school.

You are almost unsure to leave Hajime. There’s such a high chance that’ll he will just hang against the wall and await for your return.

You smile, hands slipping away from Hajime and towards your friend, “Oh, of course, I can!”

And you walk with her, out of the gym and into the hallway, she suddenly stops walking and takes your hand into hers, pulling you to meet her height.

“I pulled you out because I got you and Hajime a gift!”

Your face heats up, and you watch as she takes something out of her pocket. It’s a card, multiple actually.

“They are free passes to the arcade.”

“Where we met...” You find yourself whispering under your breath as you take the cards out of her hand. There are four of them, all shiny and brand new.

“I just wanted to thank you both for... helping me get fifteen new friends. And being so helpful!” She takes a breathe, pulling that and toying with the strings of her hoodie, “I’m so grateful that I know the both you.”

Tucking the cards in your pocket, you give her a big hug.

She hugs back, breathing out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for the cards! I’ll go give them to him now!”

She follows behind you as you turn, returning back to the party.

There was no way you would be able to stop smiling.

And once the door closes behind you, you know that your happiness is going to last forever.

Hajime holds his place in the crowd, bouncing around with all of your friends. His eyes, bright with excitement, bring light to his toothy smile. 

He feels comfortable with your friends! Oh, that is the best thing you could ever see!

He almost explodes with joy when he sees you. He finds himself pushing out of the crowd, too impatient to wait for you to reach him.

Immediately, he grabs your hand, pulling you close.

You look him up and down in worry, “Hajime, I’m back and I won’t leave again, I promise, were you okay when I left?” [ ;) ]

He looks stunned for a second before a cheerful smile alights his face. “It’s okay, S/O, I feel happy, this is really helping me!”

His lips fall open to add something, but he stops, rubbing your arms up and down. He adds, to end your concerns, “Hey, I’m having fun.”

“That’s all I wanted, Hajime.”

Chiaki passes you, going into the crowd, and you remember the point of your trip. 

A look of recognition dawns on your face as he sends you a warm inquisitive gaze.

A grand smile greets his gaze as you gleefully pull out the tickets. “I thought we could go together.”

His hands glaze over them, as realization settles in and sheer joy replaces his brief confusion. “The arcade! Where did you get these?”

Your lips purse into a grin. “It was a gift... from our friends.”

“Well, let’s go back to the party,” his intertwines your fingers, kissing your knuckles before dragging you back to the lights.

Shuichi Saihara

You sharpen your tie, trying to tighten it.

“If you keep messing with it it’s going to become uneven,” Maki scolds you, pushing your hands away from your own clothes.

“And then that will be my problem, but for now, let me fidget all I want.”

Maki scoffs, crossing her arms with her usual puffy face.

A couple of minutes ago, you knocked on her room’s door in a panic with the impossible situation of tying a tie.

You did not know, and Maki was the only person who would even think to know how to.

At first, she almost shut the door in your face, but you asked her for only one thing, she let you come in.

“What’s this even for.” She asks now, still agitated that you even bothered her.

“Oh... I asked Shuichi to play tennis with me!” You cheerfully reply, folding your hands together. “Me and Ryoma used to practice together.”

Maki responds with a dark look her voice dripping with cynicism. “He’ll think it’s a trap. You don’t really think this will end well, right?”

Defiantly, you respond, “I do think so! Plus, he trusts me."

There’s a slight break in her steely glare as she sighs. Under her breath, she mutters, “Just don’t get either of you killed.”

“Hm?”

“I said you’re an idiot, now leave.” Her fingers fidget with her bow, puffing it up anxiously.

Even though the SHSL Assassin’s tone reflects her irritation, her face shows an almost soft concern.

But she’s Shuichi’s friend.

She has to like you... right?

Right.

...Right?

The clock reads noon but the hallway is as dark as ever.

Ever since the last case, everyone’s mood has been down, and everyone has removed themselves from the dining room to reside in their dorms.

You go to open your door, but quickly, a hand covers yours. You gasp.

“Eh... S/O!” Shuichi exclaims.

“Shuichi, you scared me!”

“Aah... sorry, sorry.”

You lean up, your face close to his, so you naturally take a step back. “So, let’s get on our way then!”

Two pairs of feet stride around the school, knowing exactly their destination and everything involved.

And two pairs of eyes anxiously glance at each other, not knowing the boundaries each one possesses.

Once your hand lands on the doorknob to your friends’ lab, the sound of your own heartbeat becomes too prominent for your comfort.

It’s just a game of tennis.

That you are definitely going to win.

“Have you ever played tennis before, Shuichi?”

He walks through the door, knowing this place a little too well.

“Uhm... no.”

With a smile, you pick two rackets up and a ball, eyeing them and examining their physique. 

“That’s great, so it means I will win.”

A small smile forms on his lips, his eyes squinting at the comment.

“Well... let’s see. Maybe I’ll get the hang of it.” He politely takes a racket from your hand, swinging it to test the grip while you cross the court to get on your own side.

“I mean, Shuichi, you know the logistics, right?” You call.

“Uhm, swing the bat and hit the ball? No double bouncing, too.”

“First of all, it’s a racket and not a bat,” you correct with a smile, getting into your stance, “and second of all - take THIS!”

Before he can even blink a ball hits the wall behind him with a loud bang.

He jumps, taking huge steps away. “Woah!”

You tease, “What? You think you could win against me? I trained with the Super High School frickin’ Level Tennis Player!”

His eyes widen and he takes a second to process what just happened. The ball curves to his feet, allowing him to pick it up.

“Does... Does this mean that I serve now?”

You shrug with a cunning smile. “I don’t know. I’m not a tennis player.”

The response given to him tingles his bones, running through his joints just to provoke him. He throws the ball in the air, swinging the racket and sending it your way.

You hit back to him, and the game begins.

With a grunt, you guide the ball his way with an aggressive hit, once again making him move out of the way.

“That’s unfair,” he calls out, “there’s no way I can return that.”

“Thirty-love.”

Huffing, he picks up the ball again, wondering if he will ever catch a break within this building.

He serves the ball, to which you easily return to him, and with all his might, he hits the ball. 

It doesn’t even bounce to the ground.

“Aah!” You hop out of the way, brain sending alarms throughout your entire body. “Not fair.”

“Hey, I’m having fun!” He responds, trying to hide the smile on his face.

“I’ll count that as a point, so you have fifteen now, I suppose.”

He watches as you pick up the ball, tossing it in your hand. He couldn’t help but keep a loose grin on his face.

The game comes out fair, with you having forty-five and him still having fifteen.

Honestly, you feel like if you lose you’ll let Ryoma down somehow.

You make it like your life’s purpose to win!

He serves, hitting it aggressively, in which you use all of your strength to return. He’s been catching on by watching you swing. Just like the SHSL Detective should, supposably.

You swing the bat again, your arms feeling like they just came out of their socket.

He goes to return it but ends up having the ball bounce off of his racket, rolling on the floor. He didn’t even try to hit it.

Amazement fills your eyes. You won!

You jump up and down, clenching the racket to your chest.

“Aah... Good work, S/O!” He chimes in, turning to return his racket and the ball back where you took it. 

You skip happily over to him, returning yours as well. “You’re the only person I’ve played with other than Ryoma.”

Shuichi looks at you, satisfaction replacing the seemingly constant angst laced in his eyes.

“We should play together again sometime.”

A warm feeling covers your chest. “Yeah... that would be nice! Let’s see if you can win!”

He heads towards the door. You follow, still on a high because of your win.

When he opens it, however, he jumps in place. 

“Who ended up winning?” Maki asks.

Shuichi moves past her and out into the hallway, turning away from you. 

“I may have let him win.”

Huffing, you cross your arms in embarrassment. “I was still three points ahead.”

[self-loving-vampire]

Pathfinder: Kingmaker (2018)

Pathfinder: Kingmaker is a game that I liked a lot when I played it, but also a game that has a lot of obvious problems that drag aspects of it down. Fortunately, one of its big strengths is that it is extremely customizable, meaning that annoying or broken parts can be toned down for the most part.

Summary

This game has been called a spiritual successor to Baldur’s Gate, which I can see only on a sort of superficial level. What I can say it is that an ambitious and (in some ways) expanded adaptation of the Pathfinder tabletop adventure path of the same name, which I have run a little bit of.

For those who don’t know, an adventure path is essentially a whole campaign, starting at first level and spanning several interlinked chapters with their own minor antagonists and themes, sometimes but not always all the way to 20th level.

This particular AP is one that I’d consider extremely hard to make into a computer game without losing a lot of what makes it appealing in the process. It starts with a simple hook: A wild part of the world is under the rule of a bandit lord, if you defeat him then you will be allowed to found a barony on his land and develop it as you wish.

While the concept is straightforward, this is a great idea with tons of potential in the infinite freedom of tabletop play. While it is impossible for any existing computer to realize this potential as well as a skilled human DM could, the game does have a lot of strengths (and weaknesses) that make it interesting to analyze.

If I had to compare it to an older game, I’d actually use Troika Games’ 2003 cult classic Temple of Elemental Evil rather than Baldur’s Gate, for reasons that will become apparent to any who are familiar with it.

Freedom

I would say that this area is mostly fine. Once you finish the prologue (which doubles as a tutorial) you are largely free to explore the Stolen Lands... except that areas open up gradually depending on your main story progression.

While I understand that this helps keep things focused and manageable, there are times where these limitations end up feeling a bit contrived. Still, this is not a huge deal since each area is reasonably big and full of optional content.

One nice thing about exploration is that there are many areas with encounters that are far deadlier than anything you may be used to at that point, but which usually guard extremely valuable loot. This means that if you can figure out a way to overcome the encounter before you’re “supposed to” level-wise you will get a very satisfying reward out of it.

Defeating these encounters is not even strictly needed at times either. For example, there is a hidden crag linnorm (a CR 14 monster) in a cave within an area full of far weaker monsters (around CR 6 or so if I recall). While defeating the linnorm would not be easy for characters at this level, I managed to use the party’s rogue to sneak past it and loot its hoard without combat.

In terms of things like dialogue choices and the like, the game is also mixed. While you very often have multiple options, some of these options can be Stupid Evil (attacking people for no reason) or even flatly blocked by your alignment in ways that feel arbitrary.

For example, you need a Neutral alignment component to make peace between the mites and the kobolds in chapter 1.

There is one particular quest (courtesy of a kickstarter backer) that is a horrible railroad as well.

But overall I’d say you have more options here than in many other similar games, I mostly just wish the alignment stuff made sense and did not lock you out of options.

The game has multiple endings and Fallout-style ending slides describing what became of the people and places you influenced based on your decisions. However, achieving the secret ending or the secret romance is so extremely obscure that I’m actually surprised I managed to do it on my first playthrough.

Character Creation/Customization

This is easily one of the game’s most significant positives, while also being one of the things that may be extremely intimidating about it for people who haven’t played the tabletop.

With the DLC, there are 9 races to choose from and like 16 classes (not counting prestige classes). Adding to this, each of those classes has 3 optional archetypes that function as subclasses that add, remove, or modify class features.

Many of the races also have different heritages that switch around things like racial bonuses/penalties, resistances, and spell-like abilities.

However, I do have some complaints about it as well. Sometimes the explanations of what an archetype adds don’t seem as complete as they should be, and from what I remember a lot of your character creation decisions did not have enough of an impact outside of combat.

While the game does feature skill checks both in dialogue and in other parts of gameplay, they use the highest modifier within your party so your own stats are not vital to passing them, and (unlike its sequel) the game rarely features things like special dialogue options based on things like your race, class, or chosen deity as far as I can tell.

Also, while many tabletop options were understandably cut since the game was already over-ambitious as it is, this includes all kinds of item crafting (without mods that is). Things like potion-brewing are a pretty central aspect of the alchemist class, while wizards really benefit from scribing scrolls to handle many different situations.

Worse, this inability to craft and enchant your own gear can end up hurting the itemization in the game. There are tons of different types of weapons you can choose to specialize in, but for many of them you will struggle to find good weapons of that type to use within the game.

Also missing is the ability to meaningfully apply several types of spells out of combat, which really hurts some character ideas that would have been very interesting in the tabletop version (such as diviners or enchanters).

The whole system can also be a bit confusing to those unfamiliar with the tabletop. The game is not as clear and good at teaching as it should be.

Story/Setting

The game is set in Golarion’s Stolen Lands, an anarchic area with heavy fey presence. Compared to many of the more colorful locations in the setting, this is one of the more “standard” and generic regions, but there are still some noteworthy things that help define it, such as the ancient cyclops ruins beneath the land or the links to the alien First World of the fey.

Like the adventure path it is based on, the Kingmaker computer game has a story separated into several linked but defined chapters that each present a new threat. Kind of like anime arcs that introduce increasingly dangerous villains at the center of each.

The story is generally fine and the secret ending is as satisfying as it is obscure. However, I would say that story is not what makes this game good in my opinion. This is no Planescape: Torment.

The game features many companions. I did not really care much about roughly half of them to be honest, but I do like the approach used to present them. They are all very visibly flawed, which can make for bad first impressions, but as you spend time with them and do their quests you discover new depths to them that make them far more interesting, and you see them change over time as well.

One notable example is Jubilost, a rude know-it-all gnome with an unpleasant and caustic personality that covers some measure of real kindness underneath (as well as the fact that he does indeed know a lot, he just needs to be less of a dick about it).

And of course, the central idea of the story is something that you don’t actually see that much of in RPGs, or even in a lot of modern tabletop campaigns: The player gaining a kingdom to rule. I think that while there is no way to properly provide the same range of options for how to handle this as the tabletop version can, the game still manages to accomplish something interesting (even if not wholly good) in how it integrates the gameplay into this.

In many ways, ruling the kingdom can actually be kind of stressful outside of easier difficulties due to the interminable problems and literal curses plaguing it. You will have to contend with everything from monster raids to plagues and invasions throughout the game.

While the mechanics of managing the kingdom are not really all that well-balanced and are more of a pain than anything to a lot of people, the throne room events where you get to make decisions on policy and such are often fun and not something you see in many other games.

One thing that can be off-putting about the game’s approach to narrative decisions is that there are a few times where the outcome of a quest can feel a little arbitrary due to depending on seemingly minor dialogue options. This is especially bad about the above-mentioned secret ending and the secret romance option. They go far beyond “secret” and into “you will be lucky to achieve this without a walkthrough”.

Finally, a few of the alignment tags applied during conversation options make no sense. This is particularly bad during chapter 2, but the issue comes up outside of it as well.

Immersion

This is one area where the game is not that strong, for multiple reasons. For instance, the fact that there is no crime system at all. You can loot your entire town (where even magical items are sometimes inexplicably placed in random homes).

The day/night cycle also seems to be for aesthetic purposes only as there are no schedules to go with it (which at least makes sense from a gameplay standpoint I guess).

The one thing the game actually brings to the table here above most others is also one of its most controversial features: The passage of time.

There is a real urgency to your quests, as there’s actual consequences to neglecting threats and situations that are meant to be urgent. 

In most games this kind of urgency is completely fake and the story advances at whatever pace the player decides. Not so here. If you ignore, say, the troll hordes early in the game then their attacks will eventually overwhelm and ruin your kingdom.

Everything from travel to resting and even hunting in place of using rations takes time. Rest too much and you could be sacrificing your long-term ability to manage the endless threats around your kingdom in exchange for an edge in the encounters immediately ahead of you.

This not only makes the mechanics somewhat more interesting by forcing you to manage time instead of playing it safe by resting liberally and doing a 15-minute adventure day, it also ties in with the narrative of just how deeply cursed, troubled, and flat-out burdensome caring for your kingdom can be.

It also just feels more real that events move on their own regardless of whether or not you are present to deal with them. This feature is not entirely positive, though. It can obviously be painful if you are struggling or lost.

Gameplay

This is one of the game’s strong points, at least if you enjoy the mechanics of the tabletop. Just as Temple of Elemental Evil was a simplified and buggy but reasonably faithful adaptation of D&D 3.5 rules, Kingmaker is a simplified and buggy but (somewhat less) faithful adaptation of Pathfinder 1E rules.

Obviously there are many, many things missing from the tabletop. Classes, races, feats, I think also grappling in general, firearms, and etc.

I think a lot of these cuts are fair. This is a huge game already and it would have been downright miraculous to include every single option possible in the tabletop. The consolidation and removal of skills that were unlikely to have much use in the adventure also makes sense for balance purposes.

The combat as a whole is deep and complex enough to remain interesting for a long time, at least in turn-based mode (which I recommend). The amount of options available to magic users in particular is extreme even if many spells are missing, and many martial classes also have some features of their own beyond just basic attacks.

Also helping things is the very wide variety of enemies, some of which require a specialized approach to take down easily. You can’t just use the same tactics for every encounter in the game.

For example, trolls regenerate unless attacked with fire or acid. Undead have a whole host of immunities but are vulnerable to positive energy. Golems are immune to spells and extremely tough.

My main complaint about this aspect of the game is really just that combat is a bit excessive. There are far too many random encounters and even outside of that there is much more combat in general than in the tabletop version. Too many of these encounters end up feeling like padding.

This game probably could have been under 100 hours easily if a lot of the superfluous fights had been cut and overall XP gain had been increased. Even with enjoyable combat, 100+ hours of this is way too much.

Besides combat, there are “storybook sections”, where you are presented with situations and must make decisions about how to resolve them, often making use of skill checks to determine results. These are nice, not much else to say about them.

Which brings us to  the last major aspect of gameplay: The kingdom management. This aspect is controversial, and you can turn it off entirely if it sounds like it may not be for you.

There are three major aspects to kingdom management: Decisions, projects/events, and city-building.

Decisions are the most interesting by far. You will be presented by an issue or a request to decide on your policy in one area. You will be given a handful of choices with varying consequences, which may be referenced in later decisions.

Projects and events are more flawed while still having a good idea at their core. These are basically issues that you will need to assign one of your advisors to fix. For example, sending your general to deal with a hostile.

Where it falls apart is the fact that a dice roll is involved in determining success or failure (though there is a type of currency you can spend to improve your chances, which can reach 100%). There are also so many things going on that some of your advisors can be busy for months on a project while various events that require their attention pile up.

The worst part is that there are certain projects that require you to spend a fortnight at your capital doing nothing.

But even worse than this is the city building, which is a missed opportunity. Most buildings provide little beyond a relatively small amount of kingdom stats. This is still beneficial, but not very inspired or interesting.

So there are a lot of problems with kingdom building, one of the core features of the adventure path. While I didn’t hate it myself, I understand why some people might want to focus on the adventuring and combat.

This is also the point where I should mention that the game was incredibly broken at release even by eurojank standards. It is definitely a lot better in this area than it used to be, but is still not the most reliable of games.

Aesthetics

This is one area where the game does very well. Some of the environments look great, the monster designs are generally good, the music is great (though repetitive by the end due to the game’s length), and the combination of sound effects and brutal animations can make combat extra satisfying.

Areas can even change depending on the weather or the time of the year.

The only negative that comes to mind is that most of what you see in the game is relatively generic fantasy environments that don’t really stand out. I was never much of a fan of lush, bright forests and the like.

At least there is still a bit of variety, with dark swamps and mountainous areas, as well as the rare trip into the bizarre First World that fey creatures inhabit.

Accessibility

This is one of the three big complaints about the game (the other two being the bugs and the difficulty). If you are not already familiar with the PF rules then you may struggle to play this game effectively, at least for some time. From what I recall, many things are not that well explained.

In fact, you may have already heard horror stories about how one of the very first side quests you find sends you to a spider cave where you have to fight swarms, which is a type of enemy that is immune to normal weapon attacks outside of the easier difficulties.

This lack of clarity can also extend to your story decisions, as previously explained.

Conclusion

Like many other big and ambitious RPGs, Kingmaker has a lot of jank and technical problems, and its complexity and difficulty mean that it is not really the kind of game that will have widespread appeal. 

However, this does not mean it has no appeal at all. It is a huge game with entertaining combat, a story that puts you and your decisions at its center, and the rather rare opportunity to become a ruler in an RPG. It tries to do a lot  and I for one prefer games with big ambitions and passions like this over games that play it safe, even if they are more competent and polished.

I’d say that this game is mostly recommended for tabletop RPG nerds, people with “old school CRPG” sensibilities, and people with a high tolerance for jank. Others can definitely still enjoy it, but may want to use the easier difficulty modes.

[miru667]

A few notes on Audrey (and the Once-ler)

I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately and also a lot of words of support and kindness from so many ppl, so I first wanna say thank you, you know who you are and it all means more than i can say ♥

I’ve been asked to explain more on what I think about Audrey and the Once-ler as a ship, so I’ll use this space to talk.

And I think I’ll first talk about Audrey. When I draw Audrey nowadays I’m really only drawing my own Audrey OC or my friends’ Audrey OCs, and we’ve all made them different ages from the canon Audrey in the 2012 movie. Everyone’s Onceler ocs are different ages, so why not Audrey ocs? I’ve seen Audreys as young as 5 and as old as 60. This isn’t unusual at all for the onceler fandom; it’s this level of imagination and creativity that has kept the fandom going for over 8 years. I haven’t drawn canon Audrey in a rly long time (but maybe I could again someday, who knows).

I headcanoned my own Audrey as 15-16 during the movie, and I made a mainverse askblog for her back in 2012 which took place right after the movie’s plot had finished. In 2018 I then revisited her to rp her in a zombie apocalypse AU, BUT I wanted to start her story with her already being a seasoned zombie slayer, so I pretended some years have passed since her mainverse days and made her 18. That is the only reason I aged her up.

And true to the OG onceler fandom, my friends and I then made more AUs, so I kept my Audrey at 18 or older since I got used to it. She actually should be 24 right now if I used her mainverse askblog as a starting point and let her age in real-time (which is what a lot of onceler fandom mods have done with their characters), but I have a couple college AUs with my friends for example so I kept her younger than 24 for those.

Being passionate about your own versions of the movie’s characters, changing them a little (or a lot), putting them in AUs, letting them grow up, this is all natural onceler fandom-brand progression for any person who invests themselves in a lorax-related oc for longer than a few months.

You are free to agree or disagree with changing a character’s age. Please curate your own fandom experience by ignoring, blacklisting or blocking content you don’t want to see.

As for shipping, if you got to know me at all then you'd know that i actually very rarely ship or think about ships in any fandom, relative to everything else i engage in/share/talk about. I know you guys have seen me talk about 7212 but that was only cuz I was prompted, even tho it’s my fandom otp. Shipping just isn’t a big part of my life at all in the grand scheme. I’ll say like 2 things about a ship i think is neat and then just move on usually.

That said, I DO ship my non-canon Audrey with my friends’ characters for fun once in a blue moon, and a few of those characters ARE Once-lers, also non-canon. But we have always agreed beforehand that they are the same or similar ages, and that they’re both consenting adults. I’ll do my best to mention this detail in the tags or description of any audrey ship art i draw and post, and please let me know in private if I forget to. I’m extremely uncomfortable at the thought of a teen with an adult, and I do not condone it.

Some other odds and ends...I’ve portrayed my Audrey having a celebrity crush on the Once-ler before in mainverse, but it was obviously one-sided and never to be reciprocated. I think that’s pretty normal for a teenage girl. I also have my Audrey’s Ted crushing on her, but that won’t be reciprocated romantically either.

When I have reblogged non-oc audler before, I have always assumed that they were both consenting adults as well. Audler is a crackship, which means it can’t ever exist in canon, which means we are free to imagine space and time shenanigans for Audrey and Onceler to have met while they were similar ages. People age down Norma to ship her with a young Once-ler when they don’t even know either character’s canon ages (like who knows, what if old onceler and grammy norma are actually 10 yrs apart?), but in young normaler art we think of them as similar ages. So the same can be applied to audler art as well. We should just think they’re mostly the same age for our own mental peace.

I have tagged a few posts/reblogs with #audler even if it looked like they were just friends in the picture - this is to keep people who have blacklisted audler as safe as possible while still getting to make my blog my own personal organized space. I reblog art mostly because I like the execution/style; the content is actually of lower importance to me. If you read the tags I write in my non-onceler-fandom reblog blog, you can see i am 90% of the time gushing about how beautiful the lighting is etc and only 10% of the time saying i love the character or ship. or at least that’s how it feels like in my head. im here to look at art, not ships.

I understand if there are still people who are uncomfortable with all this and you’re of course allowed to not interact with any of it. I am not interested in engaging in drama or discourse but I think a lot of new people in the fandom must not be familiar with how the fandom has been working since the beginning and the things we had collectively agreed upon in the fandom since the beginning, so I hope this post helps clear up some confusions.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far and thank you to all my followers for supporting me and sticking with me and being interested in my stuff, it really means the world to me. Please stay safe and let’s hope the new year is better.

[pagan-sanctum]

Pagan Sanctum Discord Server Rules:

We thought it would be a good idea to post our server rules here so that anyone who may be considering joining us will be able to see what we stand for (and won’t stand for) in our community.

In order to keep our community safe for everyone we have come up with the following rules. We reserve the right to change or add to them as needed.

1) Be kind, respectful and considerate of others and their beliefs. Absolutely NO hate speech, non-verbal symbols or depictions of hate, discrimination or bullying will be tolerated here. This includes, but is not limited to: any expression of hate or encouragement of violence towards an individual or group on the basis of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, age, physical or mental abilities, or physical appearance.

2) No proselytizing (attempting to convert someone) will be allowed. Cult-like behavior is not welcome here.

3) Please remember that there are minors here. Try to keep conversations and pictures rated PG-13 unless discussing academia/education or worship. Swearing is allowed, but use your good judgement when discussing sensitive or NSFW topics.

As a general rule of thumb keep all NSFW talk in the #adult-practice channel. Otherwise, if you need to mention something NSFW (or inappropriate for minors) in a separate channel, use spoiler tags and warnings as needed for this.

If you aren't familiar with triggers, we have a #trigger-list which we are constantly updating. If you know of a trigger not on the list, please dm one of the mods, or the admin and let us know.

We know it may be difficult to remember all these triggers and refrain from mentioning them in casual conversation. All we ask is that you make your best effort, we know slip ups will happen. To help yourself become familiar with them, make it a habit to periodically check the list. This can be difficult to police, and the mods will need everyones help to do so. If you notice someone (including a mod, or the admin) openly discussing a trigger, kindly remind them to use spoilers or talk in the appropriate channel.

Always use warnings and spoilers when mentioning one of those triggers. You can add a spoiler/censor tag to your words by typing || both before and after the words you want censored.

4) Please don't ask for very personal information from other members. Things such as a person's exact location or real name can be dangerous to share online. If you choose to do this in DM's that is your decision. But I would encourage you not to give out information that could possibly endanger you.

5) Do your research before attempting to educate others. Upgs/Vpgs/Spgs are welcome here but please state when you are using them or if something is your opinion rather than a verified and carefully researched topic. Resources are always encouraged.

While we appreciate that everyone has different experiences with the divine, we ask that you please not share any detailed upgs about divine punishment. This can be a sensitive topic and one that inspires controversy and discourse among the pagan community. This creates an anxious environment and could possibly trigger someone. We strive to keep our server a safe and welcoming place.

(In reference to Rule #5, it's come to our attention that some folks may not know what UPG, VPG and SPG mean. UPG stands for Unverified Personal Gnosis and is basically whenever you have an idea about your gods or your spiritual practice that is your own personal experience and not something based off mythology or ancient practice. Shared Personal Gnosis is when these ideas are shared in your community. Verified Personal Gnosis is when a UPG or SPG turns out to actually be based off ancient practices!)

6) When sharing content that doesn't belong to you, make sure to credit the creator and link the source if available.

7) Familiarize yourself with the channels and what each is for. Try to keep conversations relevant to the topic of the channel you are currently in.

8) Use voice chat at your own risk. Voice chat can be difficult for the mods and admin to keep track of due to no written evidence of any rule breaking. If voice chat is abused, it will be removed.

9) While we respect your practice and understand that channeling can be a part of worship we ask that you please do not channel any spirit guides, deities, or any other beings while chatting with us in the server.

10) We understand that it is tempting to pass on spiritual information to the rest of the server. However, please do not post any unsolicited prophecies or readings. Unsolicited messages like this often result in an anxious atmosphere, and crosses personal boundaries. Please only read for those who are willing, and be mindful of the impact your message has.

11) You get what you put into the server. Please do not expect to get free readings or spiritual advice from members if they haven't even gotten a chance to know you! If you are inactive, we encourage you to become more active and get to know our little family before asking for these things. If you aren't able to be more active, we ask that you offer something like a reading in exchange.

The first time a rule is broken (except for #1 and #8) the offending party will get a warning or reminder from the mods. Repeated offenses will warrant the person being removed from the server.

Breaking rule number one can result in being instantly removed from the server, depending on the situation. Blatant trolls will be kicked immediately. Misunderstandings will be investigated by mods. Anything else will be discussed by the mods and the admin to determine what is best for the specific situation.

As mentioned in #8, Voice chat is difficult to police but will be removed if abused.

Please feel free to contact me @Cool Admin 😎 or our @Cool Mods 😎 if you have any questions, comments or concerns. Please do not feel uncomfortable or afraid to come to us with anything! Your questions are welcome and any concerns you have we can investigate and address.

If you haven't already:

-introduce yourself in #introductions using the prompt we provided.

-select your roles in #roles

-make any suggestions for the server in #suggestions-and-requests

-regularly check #announcements , #polls #event-announcements, and #trigger list to keep up to date and involved.

But most importantly, have fun!

[whereisvanderwood]

Interleave

At last, this is my full contribution for @saeranzine I had the honor in taking part in this year. The project had equal parts challenges and achievements, and the fun shared with every other writer, artist and mod during this time is an experience I’ll never forget as my first zine being part of. Thank you everyone who supported us!

Please enjoy the piece :) Happy holidays, everyone!

☆☆☆☆☆

You’d gotten the good ending, the normal one, too. All that was left was to break his heart five times for that one-hundred percent completion of his love story. It was a bittersweet feeling upon realizing that your journey was on the home-stretch. The more you thought about it, however, you couldn’t bring yourself to break his heart like that after all the brokenness he’d been subjected to before. Especially since you knew what the bad endings for the RFA members were -- Ray’s could only be tenfold more devastating. You wouldn’t do it. You couldn’t do it.

The familiar ping of the messenger popped your bubble of thought and enticed you to pick up your phone as it sat on the marble-finish coffee table. It was the 10:23am chatroom of Day Six. You knew what it meant for you if you opened it -- the kinds of answers you would have to choose to get a new outcome. You refused to play along, tapping onto Ray’s contact to give him a call instead.

One ring… Two rings… Three rings… No answer.

You rose from the table and carried yourself to the lancet windows. The morning was young and the garden flickered with quartz-like raindrops under the dawning of the day’s first light. You knew he wouldn’t pick up at this time on the sixth day, but your thumb wouldn’t desist in tapping his name again and again as though you were in a stupor.

A shrill of static noise ripped through the air, causing you to block your ears and drop your phone. As you frantically inspected the device for cracks, you noticed the screen displaying that you were in a phone call. You held the phone to your ear and timidly spoke.

“Ray...?”

“MC! Did something happen? I got worried something happened to you.”

“Oh, uh… no, I’m okay. Were you, um, working?”

“Saviour said I can’t speak with you until I finish improvements. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the first time… Are you mad?”

“N-No, of course not! I just… I was wondering if you wanted to maybe… go out?”

“Go out? As in... leave?”

“Yeah! I mean, not like that, but with you!”

“I… I can’t, MC. Saviour would be upset if I did. There’s so much to be done.”

“We’ll come back by the end of the day -- just for a few hours. It’ll be good for you, too!”

He exhaled, the sound of his breath dragging past his lips. “MC, you don’t have to do this for me. I don’t deserve it. I’m weak, and an airhead--”

“You’re not to me. I want to spend time with you.”

“But what if something bad happens to you because of me? I… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Ray, I swear nothing will happen to you, or me. I just want to… see you smile.”

He sighed a second time. “Meet me in the garden. Hide next to the geraniums where security won’t see you. I’ll be there in a few minutes... Please, don’t go anywhere.”

Once the call ended, you sat on the bed with a hand on your chest, your heart pounding with adrenaline every passing second. He’d answered the call when you could’ve sworn he wasn’t meant to, and that wasn’t an ordinary conversation. It was too ordinary to be ‘normal’ by the route’s standards.

You snuck out from your suite to meet him, going with the flow of the unexpected turn.

…

You gazed silently outside the moving car’s window as distance grew between you and Mint Eye. Maple leaves dusted the asphalt with their fiery hues of red and orange, adding colour to the seemingly grey road. Nothing could beat the beauty of mother nature and her sky-scraping pine trees high up in the mountains.

“We’re almost there…” Ray spoke quietly as he gripped the steering wheel.

“Thank you for lending me a Believer’s uniform.”

“I didn’t want you to get cold.. A-and I had to make sure we wouldn’t be seen leaving. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

“I know… I think it’s really brave of you to come out with me like this.”

It wasn’t long before the familiar bustling of people came into view around the last corner.  Ray parked the car a good distance away to avoid being spotted by the security cameras. It seemed much more vast than you’d last remembered. For a place that you could only enjoy in the prologue for a scarce moment, you wished you were granted more time for exploration.

Together, you walked along the brick road of the metropolis, the splashes of colours from cafes and clothing boutiques catching your eye wherever you looked. Finally free from your beautified prison after a number of repeated weeks, you couldn’t help but feel giddy.

Before long, you found yourself standing in front of the same cafe you were first picked up from. You felt your stomach grumble.

“I heard they have really good ice-cream here… Should we get some?”

“I-If you’d like,” Ray smiled.

Many people had queued in line to enjoy the mouth-watering delight on the cloudless morning. How long had it been since he’d taken gladness from this secret pleasure of his? It must’ve been an awful number of months.

“My treat,” you insisted as you pulled out a coin purse from the cloak’s pocket.

“Oh no, MC, I really don’t think--”

“You deserve it, Ray. I won’t let you think otherwise.” Without another word, you approached the counter, Ray following you closely behind.

With icy scoops of the sweet dessert in hand, you both ambled down the promenade and admired the sights of the gaily store fronts. Distant echoes of buskers danced to your ears and you found yourself swaying with the melodies in your steps. A few times you looked over to Ray, who looked like a kid in a candy store with his obvious intrigue.

Scattered flower-beds along the stone pavement caught his attention with their vibrant petals and he felt tantalized enough to brush his finger along the the petals of a white daisy. Mint Eye’s garden succeeded in elegance ten-fold when compared to this place, and yet they seemed much prettier here.

His eyes sparkled with wonder and curiosity the further you strolled, but he only really glowed when beyond all of the outlets was a wide open field, devoid of any other soul. It was just you and him -- the perfect scenario.

Florae of many kinds scattered across the green blades of grass like splashes of paint on a canvas. Entranced by their beauty, you took him by the hand and led him through the field, finding a perfect patch to sit in and bathe in sunlight surrounded by colours of grace. You felt content, the back-burner-nagging of your conscience telling you “you can’t do this” finally silenced. It didn’t matter what was to become of this -- what truly mattered to you was that you were able to do this for Ray outside of the game’s limitations.

After all, you’d probably never get to do this again.

“Hey…” you mumbled, “have you ever made a flower crown?”

“A crown? From flowers? I don’t think I have.”

You sprang at the opportunity as you swiftly picked as many flowers around you as you could. “I’ll show you! They’re really easy, just watch what I do.”

He observed from over your shoulder as you intertwined the delicate stems of each flower into one another. There was a moment of peaceful silence as you both created your flower circlets, until he broke the quiet.

“MC… why did you want to do this for me?”

“Do what?”

“Take me out. Eating ice-cream with me, making crowns from flowers, just doing nice things for me. I haven’t done anything that deserves your praise.”

“Not everything has to be a prize, Ray. Most things should be done for someone out of love, not as a reward for good behaviour.” You saw his weaving slow, knowing your words were reaching him. “You know what I’m talking about… right?”

“If it wasn’t for Saviour, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”

You paused. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t be saying this, but… is who you are right now really who you want to be?”

He turned his head and gazed deeply into your eyes. The wind swayed your hair across your face, making you appear even more so as an angel sent for him with your words of wisdom and love. His face showed an expression that couldn’t be put so easily into words. You reciprocated as you felt the same way, but made yourself busy again.

“Here, this is for you,” you smiled as you gently placed your finished work onto his head. It was a treasure shaped from orchids and gypsophila, together meaning ‘beauty, strength and undying love’.

Tenderly, he placed his own crown of ‘lily of the valley’ on your head, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “I shouldn’t be in love with you,” he muttered closely to your ear.

Every hair on your limbs were raised with anticipation as you felt his breath on your neck. He was so close, right there in front of you, alas he felt so far away no matter what you could say. The sweet, earthy perfume of the flowers surrounding you both filled your nostrils, bringing a new calmness to ease both your nerves.

His face hadn’t retreated from yours yet, and your heart was beating harder the more he lingered. Was this true affection? Or had the game somehow reprogrammed his character to act this way to compensate for the new turn of events? You eyed the shrinking space between your lips.

“Is this real?” the whispered words escaped your mouth.

At last, the gap was closed with a gentle kiss. His lips were chapped, but you didn’t mind. His cold hand found the side of your neck, soon cupping your cheek as you both grew passionate. All the uncertainty melted away with intimacy -- this was the realest thing you’d experienced with him, with any of them, and you didn’t want the moment to end.

…

Tip-toeing through the lantern-lit hallways, Ray led the way as he guided you back to your room while attempting to remain unseen. Once the door to your room was finally reached, he hurried you inside when he could hear footsteps approaching from a distance.

“You should go before someone sees you,” you urged him.

“I will… I’ll see you again soon, my Princess.” He smiled before swiftly planting one last kiss on your forehead, then closing the door.

You sighed in bliss, letting yourself twirl a few times before flopping onto your soft mattress. You knew that nothing could top what you had managed to do for Ray today, and the reward of euphoria from both parties was more than enough to satiate your desire to be with him. Having lost track of the time of day, you checked your phone for the first time in a number of hours.

Nothing could’ve made you sick to the stomach faster than what your screen displayed — a seemingly endless list of notifications full of missed texts, calls and chatrooms from the RFA. You quickly opened the app and saw the day had already reached the route’s first bridge. You didn’t need a mirror to know that your face had drained its colour. You covered your mouth.

“Crap… the participation target...”

You tried to be hopeful that the previous day’s progress would be enough to get you over, but you doubted it. You wished you could’ve said goodbye to Ray properly if you’d known this was going to happen. The guilt you’d worked to avoid came rushing back. Your throat closed up and your hands became clammy with anxiety. There was nothing more you could do. The damage was done.

You looked away from the screen as you unlocked the story mode, waiting for what was about to happen. Normally, you would leave your room and meet Mint Eye’s leader outside your door; the plot progressing forward.

So when a Believer entered your room unannounced, demanding your audience with the Saviour, you knew it was over.

☆

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 6/7/18

This week at Bungie, we revealed Forsaken.

On September 4, we’re kicking off the second year of Destiny 2 with a brand new story. We have some bold plans to take you to new places and change the way you play. If you haven’t seen it yet, check out the ViDoc that revealed Destiny 2: Forsaken.

We’re committed to reinforcing the hobby for every player of Destiny 2, and we have a lot of changes coming in Year 2 that do just that. The ViDoc was followed by a live conversation on what we have planned for September. Didn’t get to tune in to watch it live? We’ve got an archive for you to watch at your leisure.

Too long, didn’t watch?

Forsaken tells a new story with a darker tone in a lawless frontier.

Tangled Shore is a new destination made of a web of asteroids and mysteries.

The Dreaming City is our first endgame destination, home to the biggest challenges.

The Scorn are a new enemy, led by a group of eight barons you will hunt down.

Our new weapon system gives you more control over how you configure your fighting style.

We're adding random rolls and improving the mod system for better weapon customization.

New Masterwork style system allows you to level weapons up over time.

Your Guardian discovers new ways to fight with new Supers.

The Bow joins your arsenal as a new weapon type.

Gambit is a new activity that combines PvE and PvP in a competitive co-op experience.

There is a brand new raid located in the Dreaming City.

The new Collections feature lets you track all the items you can acquire.

The new Triumphs feature lets you track your achievements and lore.

You’ll learn a lot more about this new story we’re telling at E3. Gambit will be playable at both E3 and GuardianCon.

We also updated the Roadmap this week to give you details on what all players of Destiny 2 can enjoy this September. There were also some additions to the summer update, including 6v6 Quickplay and a permanent Rumble playlist. Prestige Raid Lairs are also coming in 1.2.3 and do require ownership of the expansion they were delivered in.

Annual Pass

Another topic of the stream was the new Annual Pass. As the evolution of the Expansion Pass that delivered content like Curse of Osiris and Warmind, the Annual Pass is a new plan for how we’ll give hardcore players more ways to fight their enemies, collect new loot, and customize their characters. Here is

Game Director Christopher Barrett

to tell you more about our goals.

Christopher: Destiny 2 Year 2 begins with Forsaken, and throughout that year we're going to be focusing our teams on delivering content that gives players reasons to come back to Destiny. This means new activities, endgame challenges, progression systems, and awesome rewards. With the Annual Pass, we want to deliver content more frequently throughout the entirety of Year 2, with three releases in Winter, Spring, and Summer. In addition to everything new in Forsaken and the Annual Pass, we’re continuing to fully support Seasons and deliver updates to all players of Destiny 2. During each Season, all players can expect new rewards to earn, new Crucible maps and modes, improvements to gameplay features, recurring activities, special events, and more. This graphic puts everything we have planned for year two on the map:

We’re excited for the second year of Destiny 2. You'll soon learn more about what to expect in the coming weeks and months leading up to September when Forsaken and the Annual pass officially launch.

Lab Report

Last week, we rolled out Crucible Labs to give you a first glimpse of Crucible content still under development. This was our first experiment in the lab, but definitely won’t be our last.

Senior Crucible Designer Andrew Weldon is here to debrief you on our conclusions.

Andrew: Hello everyone! Thank you to everyone who participated in our debut Crucible Labs playlist last week! Understandably, many of you are curious about the decision-making process behind developing Showdown and deploying it with Labs. I wanted to take some time to talk briefly about these decisions, what they mean for the first reveal of Labs, and how this first Labs run will help shape our future. Every mode you’ve ever played in Destiny has been the product of design, iteration, playtesting, more iteration, more playtesting, polish, and final bug fixing. This takes a lot of time and effort across multiple departments within the studio, and as players, you don’t get to see it until it’s finished and in the game or featured in a press event or public beta. Labs gives us an opportunity to open up some of this development process to the community, so you can be there with us earlier. But rolling out a feature like Labs is not without risk—we’re showing you unfinished work that is below our shipping bar, and we expect there to be issues that need addressing. It was important for our first Labs to be measured and cautious. Our primary focus for this first round was to make sure that Labs itself worked, and Showdown made for a great simple test case that we already have some familiarity with shipping through Crimson Days and Doubles. Now that we’ve successfully launched Labs, we’ll be able to consider more options over time, ranging from new competitive experiences to more silly and just-for-fun experiments.

Has no concrete timeline or schedule

Must not interfere with must-ship features and updates (i.e., the Summer Update and Forsaken—Labs modes are in addition to features you’re already scheduled to receive!)

Can be iterated on in a semi-public setting

Can succeed and be polished for a full release in a playlist or rotator

Can fail and never be seen again

The broad feedback to Showdown in this setting has shown us there is a lot of room for improvement, and that’s OK! Some of your favorite modes in Destiny have had terrible playtests where we’re left wondering if we can even save them. Some modes that showed promise never came together the way we hoped and had to be left behind. This is a normal part of the development process that we’re inviting you to join, and we welcome your feedback and criticism as we make decisions not only in this mode, but in the future as well. You may very well see Showdown again in the future with changes based on feedback from this week, and we have some additional Labs experiences in the pipe in our Summer update. Over time, we’ll continue to get into the zone and lock down the best process and path to deploying new experiences for you. We’re glad to have you along for the ride!

The Night Is Dark

Destiny Player Support keep the trains running on time. We don’t have a lot of trains, but they do keep you up to date on game-impacting issues and when fixes are on the way.

This is their report.

Nightfall Unique Rewards

This week, Destiny Hotfix 1.2.1.1 was released. Issues preventing Nightfall Unique Rewards from dropping have been resolved. We are currently planning to reschedule the Tree of Probabilities Strike to be featured as the Nightfall for the week of June 19, 2018. Stay tuned to @Bungie for future updates.

Faction Rallies

With the release of Update 1.2.0, Faction Rallies now feature the Renown system. After pledging to a faction, players may earn Renown by completing a public event or patrol, or by defeating high-value targets on destinations. Players may earn additional Renown if they are wearing a full armor set for the faction they’ve pledged to. There are ways in which players can lose stacks of renown:

Being defeated by an enemy

Fast traveling

Going to Orbit

Logging out of the game

For more information regarding Renown and the changes to Faction Rallies, players may visit the Faction Rallies Guide on help.bungie.net.

The following issues have been identified, and are currently under investigation:

Some Faction Rallies ornaments cannot progress when completing the Lost Sector on Mercury.

Ornaments requiring players to defeat Hive with melee abilities sometimes don’t progress.

This most commonly occurs on the Arcstrider Subclass “Way of the Wind.”

If you encounter issues impacting Renown or Faction Rallies ornament progress, please report to the #Help forum on bungie.net.

[shattereddimensionsofficial]

         Your head’s pounding. You almost don’t open your eyes until you hear groaning and shifting beside you. Forcing open your eyes, they take a bit to focus, and when you do, a blue-haired blond-banged male is holding out his hand to you.

         “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, and you barely nod around the dull pounding in your head. You take his gloved hand, letting him help you to your feet before you pull away to look around — nothing around you is familiar at all.

                   ( what is this place? )

         Perfectly green grass is what you’d laid upon and there’s pathways and buildings farther away. Already, the teen boy has moved on, greeting others who’re just stirring as well. You already don’t recognize most of the people you’ve seen. Turning your attention around, you see a faint gleam pass across the sky, like light passing over glass. It’s dim and smells a bit musky, and the only thing that breaks your concentration is the sound of something hitting the ground. Upon inspection, you realize an unfamiliar phone fell from your pocket. When you pick it up and look at the back, you see your name engraved there, though you don’t know how or why.

         The phone rings with a message. Clumsily, you unlock the phone and nearly yelp when instead of a text, a small hologram of a girl appears. She’s wearing what seems to be some sort of suit and has bright green hair and piercing amber eyes...for a hologram.

         “Welcome. We’ve been waiting for you to wake. If you’re unsure what’s going on, please meet us in the plaza. Your phones are equipped with a map. You have ten minutes.”

         The girl’s hologram disappears to reveal a map on the phone’s screen. A small dot in the park tells you that’s where you are — and the word ‘PLAZA’ plastered on a section of the map tells you where you need to go.

         Slowly but surely, you and all of the others have made your way to the plaza. The boy who woke you up seems energetic, and it looks like he isn’t at all bothered by your situation. You’re only able to appreciate it until a person clears their throat.

         The girl from earlier is there, but so are three more nearly identical girls, and that fact is far more unsettling. One girl sports bright blue hair and gleaming green eyes, the other with soft purple hair and magenta eyes. The final has two bright pink pigtails and angry blue eyes that seem to keep you captivated. A soft, horrified gasp comes from somewhere in the crowd, but you don’t know who it was — you don’t have time to investigate as the pink-haired girl begins to speak.

         “You’ve made it. Welcome to your new home.” Her voice is cold and harsh despite the words and you shiver. “My name is Yuzu. This is Ruri, Serena and Rin. From this point onward, you may consider us the wardens of this prison.”

                   ( prison?! )

         “Yeah, she’s right,” the girl who called you over the hologram, Rin, says. “Basically, you’re all stuck here until you fulfill the requirement to go home.”

         There’s excited murmuring. The introduction of Serena’s energetic grin is enough to quell any of the excitement.

         “You wanna know, huh? Well, you can go home if you do one thing: murder another prisoner and get away with it!”

         The crowd hushes and then breaks into yelling and protests until the last one, Ruri, raises her voice.

         “We’ll let you get settled in before we jump into any fun. First, the rules. You can listen to them or read them on your phone. Each of you has one which works with a live translator, which will allow you to understand any language spoken to you, while also translating any messages you receive into the language of your choice. This doesn’t work on books or other printed texts. Be warned. Now, the rules...”

         Yuzu laughs and speaks up this time around.

         “Okay, so for the all of you idiots that can’t read or won’t read it, I’ll read it to you. The rules are as followed:

You have all been assigned a dorm; you may choose a room for yourself. It will then be visible on your public information.

You may only sleep in the room you chose. You may not be roommates with another prisoner. If you sleep in the room of another prisoner, you will be punished.

That means no sleeping outside either.

There is no fornication allowed with your fellow prisoners. Ever. There are kids here, you sick perverts.

Your phone is your lifeline. Don’t break or lose it.

Your doors do not autolock. If you lock it, the only way to open it is to use your phone.

We have set up a few stores for you. 

We have basic foods, like pasta, ramen, fruits and veggies for free in the food store. Anything else you gotta talk to the store clerk about.

There’s free, basic clothing in the general store. Short sleeved shirts, tanks, jackets, shorts, sweats and undergarments are among these. They come in black, white, pink, blue, green and purple.

Anything else has to be bought.

Any entertainment has to be bought (because we hate you).

If you need help, ask one of the store clerks. They’re here to help.

Damaging any of the property will result in a punishment.

The general IMs have a filter which you can see here. This doesn’t apply to the adult IMs.

Threatening any member of the staff (which includes, but is not limited to, the Wardens, SysAdmin and store clerks) is strictly prohibited. This is your warning. We will punish you harshly for threats and even more harshly for attempts.

Wardens cannot directly harm you unless a rule is broken or under specific situations where prior warning is given.

And that’s it...for now.”

         Serena looks around at all of the unhappy, devastated and angry faces and groans impatiently.

        “What? Your food’s free...oh well, whatever. That’s it for now. See ya later, okay?”

         — and by the time you blinked, your new Wardens were gone, and nothing was there to indicate they had ever existed. Either way, it was time to explore your new home.

OOC NOTES;

This is a pure Yu-Gi-Oh and Danganronpa crossover. No knowledge of either series is needed to join this verse as everything will be explained in time. This verse will contain dark themes and potentially triggering content. Everything will be tagged appropriately and non-descriptive summaries of events will be provided upon request. Our rules are as follows:

The current cut off point for applications is the end of Chapter 2.

This verse is an open application verse. Simply submit an application and wait until you’re messaged an invite link to the server.

This verse is not fast-paced and will not be too heavy. If you feel like the verse is moving too quickly, share your concerns with a mod. We’ll either try to accommodate you, or if other people feel it’s also going too fast, we will slow the verse down.

Your feedback tells us how to run the verse. If you don’t give it, we won’t know, and we want this to be fun for everyone.

Any questions at all, feel free to contact a mod. We’ll explain anything we possibly can.

We will not be revealing everything to you right off the bat, nor will we be holding your hand through the trials. Trust, however, that we will help you when you’re stuck.

There should be no mention of major triggers (such as suicide, self-harm, etc.) in the discord server whatsoever.

Currently, we have a muse cap of 3 per mun.

However, you are allowed to switch your muses out only at the start of the chapter. Once the motive has been announced, you may not switch out a muse until the next chapter has started.

Duplicates are allowed! However, we will be limiting this to 3 duplicates of a character, and the same mun may not have both!

Please note that any type of “companion” is sealed away. This includes, but is not limited to, “companions” such as pets, pokémon, duel spirits, personas and digimon. Your muse is the only one allowed to be in the verse. If you have questions about this rule or what qualifies as a “companion,” please ask a mod.

Keep this a drama free verse.

Any issues or questions can be brought up to the mods, via message, discord or this blog’s askbox, even if it’s about another member or another mod. We won’t be upset or mad. We want to make your stay the best we can.

IC DOES NOT EQUATE TO OOC. If a muse does something, do not assume the mun approves or shares the same value. A rude muse doesn’t mean a rude mun.

If you need help with anything, such as a warning prior to body drops, ask a mod. We want to accommodate you for what you need to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible.

When roleplaying anything sensitive, be mindful of the mun! Ask about triggers and don’t harass them.

If we find out you purposely attack group members or purposely start drama, you will be given one warning. After that, any repeat incidents and you will be banned from the group.

If your muse wants to do something significant, please talk to one of the mods before doing it.

Do not rush us, we have things to do besides run this specific verse so there may be delays in answering questions and moving events forward. 

Don’t try to plan or volunteer for the next chapter’s murder when we’re still on the chapter before it! We will ask when we are ready to start planning.

If you are given any plot detail, do not spoil it! You get one chance and one chance only. If you spoil it, you will not be given any type of plot info again.

[daily-natsuki]

Happy White Day -  A Natsuki/Reader Story

Natsuki/Reader (Gender Ambiguous)

Word Count: 1500

Rating:  G - General Audiences

Algebraic equations were so tiresome, you thought with a deep sigh.

It didn’t help that the classroom was being filled with excited whispers – it was almost the end of the day, and the entire female population of the school were visibly pent up. Even the teacher couldn’t control the sporadic giggles.

It was White Day after all.

Not soon enough, the bell rang. The symphony of screeching chairs and loud chatter filled your ears and made you wince.  

After packing up your books, and notes you were sure you wouldn’t care to remember, you left the classroom – your entire body was thrumming with nerves. Your eyes catching every blushing and giggling girl along the hall.

Although your thoughts were focused entirely on a specific girl. A specific, extremely brash but cute girl.

You entered the familiar classroom – the clubroom for the Literature Club. Sayori, your long-time childhood friend, was sat and chattering happily with Natsuki at one of the many tables. Yuri was sat in the furthest corner with one of her big books, Monika had yet to turn up.

“Hey guys,” You greeted the two, your eyes never leaving Natsuki’s – over the past few months you two had become closer, she was still the same brash girl, but she was softer, more kind… well, when she wasn’t making fun of you. But it was never said with true intent. You think.

You swallowed, you weren’t sure you could do this.

“Hi y/n!” Sayori greeted you cheerfully, jumping up to give you a warm hug. You really appreciated your best friend, especially when she seemed to get the hint and moved to talk to Yuri. She said over her shoulder: “Monika can’t come today, so she’s left me in charge!”

“Hm… hopefully the clubroom will be left standing,” Natsuki said with a smirk, Sayori pouted playfully.

“Hey!”

You went to sit beside Natsuki, the grin on the pinkette’s face almost vanishing at the action. She stood up suddenly and went to retrieve something from the back. Your mouth began to water instinctively, Natsuki usually brought delicious treats most meetings.

You thought right, as Natsuki came back with a rather hefty bag – distributing the contents among you, Sayori and Yuri. She passed a small wrapped treat to everyone; the packaging was cute (ribbon patterned) you opened it seeing that inside was a heart-shaped chocolate the size of your pinkie.

With a quick glance, you saw that everyone received the same treat.

In a way, your heart sunk a little – it seemed Natsuki gave you a giri-choco…

“Happy White Day…” Natsuki mumbled shyly, flushing at our stares. But her expression soon hardened. “H-hey! Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sayori giggled.

“Aw, thank you Natsuki!” Sayori wrapped Natsuki into a bone-crushing hug. “I made some chocolates for everyone too… but… um…”

“They didn’t go to plan?” You added dryly, Sayori stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

“They may or may not have… burnt… but just a little!” Sayori said, fingers touching in her abashed manner.

Yuri stood, and placed a box of chocolates on the table.

“I’ve never been very good with baking…” She said with a frown, seeming a little embarrassed to have brought store-bought. To your surprise, Natsuki smiled.

“It’s okay Yuri, it’s the thought that counts!” She said encouragingly, Yuri smiling with some obvious relief. You forgot how close the two became over the months since you’ve joined the Literature Club – going to the bookstore every Friday had clearly helped them overcome any differences.

“Anyway, I’m the expert of baked goods!” Natsuki said with some smugness, but everyone knew it was the truth.

The rest of the club meeting was spent eating delicious chocolates and chatting, with plenty of periodic reading. After the festival, sharing poems wasn’t required every meeting – the frequency of which lessened to a couple times a week.

Eventually, everyone was packing up to go home. Sayori patted you on the shoulder with a knowing smile as she looked between you and Natsuki.

“Hey, you should walk back with her…” Sayori smiled, almost as if she knew what you were planning. You looked closely to her expression and the smile seemed genuine… but you knew Sayori well, and you really hoped she was finally getting over you.

“Thank you Sayori… I…” You tried to find some words, but Sayori simply giggled.

“It’s okay, we’ll talk later!” Sayori then left the classroom with a wink.

If anything, your nerves were now worse than ever.

Natsuki was putting one of her Manga volumes back in the cupboard, the two of you finished the latest volume of Parfait Girls in the meeting – Natsuki was right, it was a genuinely good and fun manga once the characters developed. 

When she turned around, she seemed shocked to see you standing, waiting for her. 

“Hey, want to walk back with me?” You asked, timidly. Natsuki cocked an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that usually something you do with Sayori?” She asked, not accusing – just curious.

“I just… I wanted to talk to you.” You swallowed and motioned for Natsuki to walk beside you. The two of you made your way out of the school, you could feel Natsuki’s questioning gaze at the back of your head. You hoped she didn’t notice your burning face.

Natsuki may only see you as a friend, but hiding the truth was becoming too painful.

“Something’s wrong.” Natsuki said, peering at you with concern. “You’re acting weird. Well, more weird than usual.”

“I know.” You said with a sigh. It was now or never.

The two of you were alone on the path, the chirping of cicadas filled the almost awkward silence that followed your statement. Your nervous gaze met Natsuki’s, her curious but innocent expression was enough to erupt a burst of butterflies in your stomach.

You gave her the paper, watching her face intently.

First was surprise, then suspicion. Instead of asking what was going on, Natsuki simply opened the note, her eyes travelled over the words – it was a very short poem, a Haiku. You knew it was very simplistic, but you hoped it got the message across, and hopefully Natsuki wouldn’t be offended.

 “Sweet Sundae of my life

You bring me happiness I cannot explain

Please give me that feeling forever”

 Her eyes widened.

 Her mouth opened in shock.

 Her cheeks flushed bright red.

 “O-oh…” Natsuki stuttered, her gaze seemed transfixed on the poem. “Uh…”

“Look… I know you just see me as a friend – the giri-choco was enough of a sign.” You babbled. “But… I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore, I don’t want it to hurt our friendship but hiding the truth was too much-“

Natsuki giggled – the sound interrupted any panicked thought you had.

 “Oh, y/n…” Natsuki reached into her bag, her expression so suddenly shy. “I-I… was unsure of whether to give this to you… I was really nervous, y’know…”

Natsuki grabbed your hand and in that motion, placed another wrapped treat in your shaking palm. Her expression was hopeful as you opened the treat – it was a heart, but much bigger than the others, with swirls that seemed to be made of different types of chocolate – white, dark, milk.

It looked like a lot of effort went into it.

“Do you like it?” Natsuki asked, sounding so unusually timid. “It’s a… honmei-choco.”

You both stared at eachother, smiles seeming to grow by the second.

“I guess we both had a similar idea… and feelings.” You said eventually, finding that the distance between you and Natsuki was much less as you gravitated to one another.

Natsuki smiled, it was a soft expression – none of the walls of brashness, no superiority… just Natsuki.

“y/n… I really like you, y’know…” Natsuki admitted quietly, she couldn’t meet your eyes as if it was an extremely painful thing to say aloud.

Knowing Natsuki, it probably was.

“I’ve never felt this way before, I-I thought you’d never like me that way… especially with how mean I was… that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to give you the honmei-choco until now… until I was sure…”

Natsuki took a deep, shaky breath, as if considering something very important. Her eyes, which were glued to the ground until now, met yours – as if getting the answer, she needed, Natsuki moved.

It was a quick peck in retrospect, but it rooted you completely to the spot. Her lips were so soft, berry scented, and for a moment her flowery perfume entered all senses. It was a feeling you never wanted to end, but eventually and unfortunately it had to.

Natsuki pulled away with an intense blush.

“H-happy White Day, y/n.” Natsuki mumbled, she seemed quite shocked at her own bold actions. The usually bold girl timid.

Pulling Natsuki into an embrace, the feeling of complete warmth and contentment filled your every being – the girl you fell head over heels the moment you met… likes you back!

You brushed your trembling lips against hers.

 “Happy White Day, Natsuki... I love you.”

Authors Note:

Hey guys! Here’s something very short and sweet - I thought as I was alone on Valentine’s Day this year, that this short fic might help perk some fellow singles on this day (plus, Natsuki is just too adorable!) 

I hope you liked it :3 - Mod Cupcake 

[asklotarasarrin]

Getting Started Role Playing

I’ve had a number of asks on this topic over the years, and rather than retyping the same thing repeatedly, I’m gonna try and collect my thoughts on how to go about this. All of this is assuming you’re on desktop; mobile makes some things a little more difficult. Feel free to add to this; I’m sure there’s things I’m forgetting.

Warning: Long Post!

First things first: Preparation

Get your blog in order

Create a character bio - This should include character name, a description, and a background. If your character is a canon character, then it’s not so bad to forego this, but I think it’s a good idea even for canon characters, as not everyone is going to be familiar with every single character in a universe.

Put a short explanation of the blog in the blog header - This is like a pitch or an introduction to what your blog is about. This should indicate you’re an RP blog, who you RP(if you have multiple muses on the blog, I think it’s okay to just say ‘multiple OCs’ or ‘multiple muses’), and maybe the universe your muse is from. Some blogs also include if they’re selective or not, multi-ship or not, open to cross-over/multiverse or not, etc, but not nearly as necessary.

Rules page - not necessary, but sometimes helpful if you have any particular things, such as being unwilling to RP smut, or you have some triggers/sensitive topics that you aren’t will to do, etc.

Make sure your inbox is open - Seems silly, but I forget this one frequently when I’m making a new blog. Check other blog settings as well- (submissions, anon, etc)

Follow other blogs - This seems obvious, but it is key. Follow other blogs you want to RP with! Find others from the universe your muses are set in. Do take the time to read their bios and rules pages, if they have any.

Write an Introduction post - Not everyone does this, but I think it’s very helpful. It should be a SHORT post, in or out of character. Many blogs are disinclined to reblog long intro posts because people instinctively skip over walls of text.

Reblog RP memes - The Intro post will help generate interest, the RP memes make it easy to break the ice.

Next Step: Getting Out There

Provided you have taken the time to read other people’s rules and bios, reach out!

If they’ve reblogged memes you are interested in, send an ask with that meme - These are GREAT icebreakers so you can get started with relatively low effort. Friendly reminder: Read the meme carefully. Typically the meme has some form of explanation or instruction in it, and it is very frustrating when someone sends in a meme when they clearly did not bother to actually read what it’s about.

Use the messenger to ask to plot - Sometimes blogs don’t post memes often, or they reblog memes that don’t quite work for your character. Politely ask to plot. Try to come with ideas. It can be frustrating when someone comes to you wanting to plot but has NO idea about what to do. I personally will frequently take premises from memes I like and adjust them as necessary.

Open starters - Alternative to memes, sometimes blogs will post ‘open starters’. These are usually open ended in-character posts that other role players can reply to. It isn’t a bad idea to post your own open starters either, if you’re feeling up for it. Note: Generally speaking, open starters once taken by someone are not available for additional role players unless otherwise noted in the tags. If you like an open starter that has already been taken, you can also use the messenger to ask if you can also get in on that. Many RP bloggers use thread trackers, so the starter would need to be copied to a new post before beginning RP.

Important Notes: Etiquette

There are a number of rules and behaviors that are important to keep in mind, some obvious, some not so much. In no particular order.

Patience - This is my number one thing. RPers come from all walks of life- full-time students and career people, big and small families, personal struggles, different time zones, language barriers abound. And Tumblr is not a well programmed website, so notifications don’t pop up, or get buried under other things. So don’t panic if people don’t immediately reply. Don’t be rude when following up after a reasonable amount of time has passed. Give people the opportunity to measure their replies to you.

Try to keep your In Character and Out of Character clear/separate - Some RP blogs are actually a mishmash of personal and roleplay. Many blogs indicate in the tags or with markings of some form(the most common being ‘//’ slashes or () parentheses). It can be confusing for people without these markers.

Do not reblog RPs you are not involved in - This is a personal pet peeve. RP posts are often only snippets of the overall story, and when reblogged it is taken out of context. The other problem is it adds notifications to a thread that aren’t from the partner, and can be confusing. RPThreadTracker doesn’t have a problem with it, but other forms of tracking can struggle.

Respect and ‘Don’t like Don’t follow’ - universes big and small, OCs and Canon Characters over the top and from humble beginnings, we’re all here to have a good time. You’re not going to like every mun or muse you come across. Not every other blog is going to like you or your muse. People talk shit about self-inserts, teenage OCs, people who like to RP almost exclusively smut, and myriad of other things. But those muns are doing things that make them happy. And you don’t get to control what other people do. If you don’t like it, don’t follow. Don’t RP with them. Let it go.

Self Care - This is part of a larger topic and related to the above bullet point, but important to at least touch on. Not everyone who RPs is well or good. This is meant to be fun. So if you are stressed out or overwhelmed by an RP partner or thread for whatever reason, talk to your partner about it. If they do not respect your requests or needs, then it would be better to not RP with them. There are people who struggle with a myriad of health and situational issues. You will at one time or another meet people who will insist you cater to their every whim, try to control you and your muse. Block these people.

Read tags - This may not seem like an etiquette thing, but this is important. Some people communicate extensively this way. It will help to prevent communication errors.

Read More - use the read more function for NSFW threads. It’s the [...] at the end of the options bar

Tagging - Tag NSFW, triggering content, and anything else you think appropriate. I also try to tag my different verses, my in character and out of character posts, etc.

Trim Your Posts - This is hard to do on mobile, but necessary. When a post has many reblogs, it can be tedious to scroll past. Trimming them/cropping them makes a big difference. [Link here for a tutorial on how to trim - Browser]

Mun and Muse Knowledge [Meta Gaming] - There maybe things your character does not know, and cannot know, that you know. Remember to keep the distinction. Nothing kills my desire to RP with someone than their character somehow reading my character’s thoughts.

Controlling other Characters [God Modding] - You control your character. Your partner controls theirs. You don’t control if they get hit by a punch, if they dodge, if they punch back. It’s part of the give and take.

Drive the Story - Role Playing is joint story telling. Don’t put all the burden if directing where the story goes on your partner. Give your partner something to react to, to build on. If you only ever give one sentence replies, it’s going to get tedious fast.

Other Tips and Tricks

I am a big fan of XKit, a browser addon that makes Tumbling much easier for RPers. [Link here!] The specific functions that are most helpful are Editable Reblogs and One Click Reply. Editable reblogs makes it far easier to trim in post. One Click Reply makes it possible to reply to comments and other notification forms.

In addition to those two, I also like to use the Blacklist, and Post Block functions. Some RPers or topics I particularly cannot stand, so I use Blacklist to keep them from my dash. Post Block is great for those discourse posts and individual RP threads that just squick you out for whatever reason.

I also am easily lost and confused by the innumerable notifications I get on the daily, so it became very important for me to use a website called RPThreadTracker. I highly recommend it, as I occasionally have threads that don’t get replied to for weeks. They also have an add-on button so you can click to add a thread to your list quickly and easily.

Terms

There is a bit of a jargon with this. Sorry if it’s been confusing thus-far!

Mun - the writer behind the blog

Muse - the fictional character, the character

IC/OOC - In Character / Out of Character

OC - Original Character

Thread - the roleplay, the chain of posts making up the story

Selective/Semi-Selective/Private/Mutuals Only - This is often in a blog header - indicates how picky the mun is about selecting RP partners and threads. Read their rules. Respect their decisions to RP or not to RP.

Multi-verse - Indicates the blog is open to threads outside of their designated universe. (IE, my Warhammer character being willing to RP with an Overwatch character). It is advisable to message the mun to hash out the details.

DM or PM - Direct message or private message. Both indicate the tumblr message system.

AU - Alternate Universe. Indicates a deviation from the traditional universe.

[michaeldempsey]

Persistence & Gaming

If the next wave of social is built around gaming, then the lessons we pull from these formerly more distinct categories will likely lead to a game dynamic which pushes forward the tensions of social networks, with the expressiveness of digital worlds. This dynamic is persistence.

Over the past two years the games that have brought social + gaming thinking to the mainstream have been a combination of Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, and most recently, Animal Crossing. Each of these games have served a slightly different user base, with varying levels of social mechanics baked into the product that enabled weak to strong communication and expression across the platform.

The core thesis though of captive, synchronous experience has bled into many of these game-turned-social products over the years, as well as more traditional social products such as Houseparty (now part of Epic Games) and more recently Clubhouse. This dynamic has only further been amplified now that our synchronicity and schedules are all effectively the same while sheltering in place.

With Fortnite, the social dynamic is encouraged in ~20 minute sprints (or more if in the UGC-driven Creative mode) that often is filled with fairly monotonous activity (traversing the island) and broken up by spurts of action (battles).

With Animal Crossing, we see a continually monotonous core game mechanic of building out your island that puts the idea of self-expression (and the importance of sharing this expression with your friends) within a video game on steroids. Although Animal Crossing does have very strong social dynamics in the game today, it has poor social infrastructure, in that the execution of social play is quite cumbersome due to technology choices.

What Animal Crossing does have however is a feeling of a form of persistence, an illusion created by being greeted by Tom Nook giving his daily update each time you return, as well as game mechanics that require you to pass time in order to allow work to be done on your island. In addition the island boasts an asynchronous social experience that results in your real and digital world friends and family leaving you various notes and gifts while you’re away. They specifically hack the persistence + social dynamic by isolating each world into an "island", something that allows for individual instancing of these expression mechanisms.

This feeling of persistence creates an incentive to come back daily (along with other core game loops like bonuses for accessing the store, and the stalk market). But while AC is generally lauded for its mainstream success, I'd argue that we perhaps it was an exercise in a missed opportunity that has led to seemingly lower retention (a fine dynamic based on the business model of a $59.99 purchase). AC is a case study or precursor to the future of social and gaming due to it merely scratching the surface on many of the social dynamics that lead to multi-year usage of successful social networks or games.

DEFINING PERSISTENCE

Gaming in general right now is at an impasse where we have monolithic platforms and studios like Unity, Epic Games, Riot, and Rockstar (a subsidiary of Take Two), benefitting from years of R&D investment, paired with changing business models. As a result, companies across the entire ecosystem are investing billions to try to build the next game-turned-IP-turned-platform as they recognize the massive TAM expansion happening within their industry.

Because of these competitive dynamics, we should instead think of new behaviors or game dynamics that could create new types of experiences that play into each of these separate industry's strengths. We last saw the rise of Battle Royale as a gaming format take hold, birthing multiple major game successes. Persistence could birth the next wave of social + gaming networks.

But what does Persistence mean?

The familiar metaphor is that the modern MMO is a theme park. Players encounter each other in the concourses and queuing for the rides, but fundamentally experience every roller coaster alone, one at a time. And the ride always resets for the next rider

- Thinking spatially: persistent worlds, Improbable

It is important to properly define "persistence" as it is an overused term within gaming. When building a game universe to take advantage of the social dynamics within 2021 and on, I mean world persistence. Specifically, I don't mean a given server where people go on the same quests, nor do I mean leveling up your character over time and building that identity. Just as our world does, the digital worlds that encompass a game universe, live and die, survive and thrive, at the whims of its players and agents, aided by the game/network developer. The world in which each user plays their role constantly changes, and thus, can effectively move on without any given user.

This isn't a novel concept. There have been examples of this in the past with open-world game such as EVE Online, special modded servers for games like Neverwinter Nights 2, as well as more quest driven games like World of Warcraft, however there is still much to be desired, including a lack of truly persistent world.

Various subreddits (I mean a ton) and other online forums have requested a similar game dynamic over the years, of which many center on the joke that what we’re all asking for is found in r/outside, which is fair.

So, why hasn't this continually requested future arrived? First, let’s talk about technology.

The ask today feels more materially important as we've seen a confluence of factors on the technical infrastructure side make this type of scale and depth more achievable than even just a few years ago. In addition, in a world where our persistent world was in some way abruptly taken from us, it is only natural to want to recreate a dynamic that is similar, but with faster feedback loops and more vastness, from the comfort of our homes.

It is non-trivial to instance tens, let alone hundreds of players into an environment, with low-latency. Even today, Fortnite builds game mechanics in order to whittle down their players in a given game over time. The game starts with 100 players, creating material numbers of assets (builds) across a large, not fully-rendered at once environment, and then progresses to a smaller circle with far fewer players, all rendered at once. When game behavior doesn't naturally kill off as many players as Epic thought, they see considerable lag (mostly in competitive/pro formats).

The closest game in which I’ve seen progress on this is GTA Online due to some core innovations on both the RAGE engine by Rockstar, as well as their ability to build vast worlds and economies that have interactions across all players and NPC categories. With that said, GTA Online creates peer to peer instances with between 16-30 players max depending on console.

The cost and R&D required to build infrastructure to support these types of environments and interactions is incredibly high, which is a great argument as to why no startup will be the company that figures out this problem of persistence, but instead it will be born from the studios that own a proprietary engine (like Rockstar, Blizzard, Epic, and others), modifying it and making sacrifices first in order to break through the historical technical limitations. We have views at Compound as to why this may not be true, surrounding the impending modularity of back-end infrastructure for games.

At a high level, we are seeing technology that can enable this specific use-case, ranging from cloud technologies to reach scalable instancing of a given world to breakthroughs in AI-driven Non Playable Characters (NPCs) or Agents, to more compelling ability to procedurally generate worlds, all the way to ML-driven asset creation.

Outside of pure technical limitations, the idea of building a truly persistent world is materially complex from a creative side too, and pulls on various tensions within game and world development broadly.

SOCIAL NETWORKS & PERSISTENT WORLDS: A SHIFT OF METRICS AND SYSTEMS CREATION

Instead of constantly working on new content, developers can focus on creating engaging, rich systems for players to interact with, creating their own emergent fun and meaning.

Thinking spatially: persistent worlds, Improbable

Improbable, with its SpatialOS, is one of the most well-funded players taking aim at these tensions (coherence.io is another player) and sums it up perfectly in the post above. While persistent worlds historically have enabled shared common space and continuous playing, they have underwhelmed on long-term creation of shared experiences.

Often game developers have a strong creative view on how to build stories, quests, and other creative dynamics within a game so that the player has a meaningful and enjoyable experience. This leads to a multitude of constraints that are put on these developers to create content. As games have moved into Games as a Service models, this tension is only more intensely felt as development shifts towards continuous deployment, and expectations continue to rise over time.

Social networks on the other hand have long understood that as your network reaches escape velocity, the only way to properly scale is to enable some form of UGC so that the network does the work for you. Thus, instead you must massage the loops around these various stakeholders of a network to enable more creation and reward for created content. The novelty problem is well understood as social networks have become more advanced in understanding their metrics to related to active users & retention, as well as usage, among other engagement metrics.

These metrics are partially driven by business model differences with games, where Average Revenue Per User (ARPU) could often sit at a singular chunk of a purchase that would function much more similar to the film industry today (which is undergoing its own business model shifts thanks to OTT platforms bringing a similar Entertainment as a Service model).

However, due to the notable shifts in continuous spending that has infiltrated games, and ARPU scaling up to instead mirror lifetime value (LTV) equations versus a one-time purchase equation, game developers too need to converge on metrics and thus, game dynamics, to optimize those behaviors and metrics that social networks have long-well understood.

Network effects is an interesting vector to think about related to this. What all networks understand at their core is the power of network effects as a core moat. While network effects have always been true for online games, very few games have material network effects that create the similar unbounded upside that social networks do. Rather, the network effects within games, i would argue, sit within micro-communities (do some of your friends play this game?) as well as outside of the game (is there a robust competitive ecosystem? Do streamers play this game?).

I'd still argue that these effects are far less material, as is shown in the replacement rate that games have versus social networks. All of this again, is a problem of scale and instancing but the concept of persistence introduces a new kind of scale of network effect.

With regards to social networks, we also can start thinking about retention within games. Specifically, re-engagement mechanisms are tried and true across both mobile games and social networks. As the world continues to change over time without you, there is a natural pull to return (this is where you begin to differentiate from Animal Crossing), out of FOMO. Due to the cross-platform nature of games today, as well as the connectivity we have relative to prior years when games like Neverwinter Nights were doing this on a small scale, we can re-engage users across multiple touch points and devices who opt-in to tracking what is going on in their worlds. Notably, IBM envisioned this with a patent they filed back in 2006, that was granted eight years later in 2014.

Because of this confluence of factors, it's likely that within a persistent world you must think about scale and how to enable large UGC to truly let the world rise and fall on its own. Many complain about persistence in this regard, but Improbable (not surprisingly) takes a view that meaningful persistence benefits the studios as your job shifts from content creation to system creation (Improbable has since largely become a studio on its own).

Roblox has hit on this in some regards and clearly understands the need to juice not only this model, but also the incentive mechanisms surrounding this model. As the company has risen over the past few years, the comms team at Roblox has been very careful to continue to tout not their revenue numbers, but instead the amount they've made for Roblox Creators.

While there are countless other examples to walk through related to this concept of where UGC can extend within the broader game ecosystem (GTA Online's UGC of role-playing is a fascinating corner of the internet) the core insight here is that game developers must be willing to take the gamble that many have made and been disappointed by in the past; allowing humans to utilize your system to in a relatively unconstrained way, build in your sandbox. The difference this time, is that those changes are permanent and send reverberations across the entire user base in a given world.

Related Reading:

Online games: crafting persistent-state worlds

Towards Adaptive Quest Narrative in Shared, Persistent Virtual Worlds 

Introducing intelligent agents into massively multi-user persistent worlds

[gayzytown]

Birthdays

{{VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!! i put it in caps bc thts how important it is!!! this is pure, unedited 12 yr old mod roria sportarobbie fanfiction !! u can tell its really old bc the whole time robbie is like >:’( and it makes sportacus :c also! robbie gets hit in the face and sportacus cries which is unfitting bc the fic itself isnt that sad?? but it has a happy ending!! just thought id warn you all im literally posting something really poorly written and its also rlly long and like almost 5 yrs old ?? one of the first things i wrote for lazytown!! but anyway here it is }}

Curled up in his chair, Robbie woke up and his eyes fluttered in sync with his heart and with the butterflies in his stomach. A tiny gleam of hope rose up in his chest, and a small smile graced his soft lips. It was finally the day. The day he had been waiting for. The day he had not-so-subtly hinted about since last month. He tried his best to stamp out the fiery optimism that held his heart in its grip, but the cold, icy hand of doubt could not pry it off. 

 His tired eyes glanced at the clock, which currently said 7:00 A.M. Earlier than Robbie had woken up in years, but now that warm feelings had him in a death grip, there would be no more sleeping. He rolled out of his chair with more enthusiasm than ever before, and pranced contently to his periscope. Before he looked into it, he took a moment to compose himself. It was in vain, of course, and it was with much euphoria that he lifted up the periscope and peeked through. His smile faltered slightly as the warm hand pushed his heart up into his throat. They didn’t… forget, did they? But he had made it so blatantly clear that it was today, and he had been looking forward to this day for weeks. The day he would get some of the spotlight. The day he could outshine Sportacus. The day he wouldn’t be ignored. The day he would be loved. Granted, tomorrow would be the same as every other day, but today was special. Today was his birthday, and it was going to be the best birthday ever. It was going to be the best day, in general, until next year.

            Only slightly disheartened, he continued to search for anything. Even if he was a villain, it was highly uncharacteristic of the people of LazyTown to not celebrate. Suddenly, the hand squeezed his heart and the heat filled his entire being as a banner came into view. It clearly read, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” They had remembered! He tremored in excitement as he simply stared at the scene before him. What looked like an amazingly prodigious party being laid out before his eyes. For him. There were balloons and streamers and games, and even though it wasn’t the color he had expected and there was more sportscandy than he would’ve liked, it was a party for him. It was his birthday party. The people were celebrating his birth. They were celebrating the fact that self-proclaimed villain Robbie Rotten was brought into this world on this day, twenty-three years ago. To him, it symbolized much more than a birthday party. This could mean a whole turning point in his life. Maybe he wouldn’t be a villain. Maybe he wouldn’t be so full of hate. Maybe he’d be loved. Maybe he’d be happy. The pleasant optimistic grip shifted and held his entire body, and he closed his eyes for a moment to relish the feeling. A smile so foreign to Robbie that anyone wouldn’t be able to recognize him for a moment lightened up his face, and his cold, lonely lair felt more comfortable than ever before. His eyes, filled to the brim with happy tears that he had never felt, opened and his smile widened. Letting out a deep, booming laugh that echoed throughout the lair and brought raw joy and happiness to every room, he spun with his periscope and peered through one more time. The familiar icy hand clawed at its rival as he noticed something he hadn’t noticed before.  The banner said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY… Sportacus.” He shrugged as his smile faltered as he chuckled nervously. That didn’t mean they had forgotten his, maybe they both had birthdays. Or maybe they had gotten confused about who’s birthday it was. Maybe anything, except they had forgotten. They couldn’t have. Not after all he had done to make it clear that it was his birthday. Who cares about Sportacow’s birthday? They’d throw him a party for any little thing. The icy grip triumphantly pierced his heart with its long, disfigured claws and his brow furrowed. They couldn’t have forgotten. He’d just… he’d just go up and walk around. He was sure to get a “happy birthday” or two. They couldn’t have forgotten, it just wasn’t possible. His lair was suddenly cold, and the remaining laughter died away. He peered out one more time, and watched as Sportacus was taken completely by surprise because of his birthday party. Like he was really so surprised. They would’ve thrown him a party if he’d done something as minimal as walk to the post office. A single tear slid down his face, but it wasn’t happy. It was full of anguish, and fear. He felt so alone. The icy grip suddenly got red hot and in his fit of sudden rage, he clawed off the tear viciously, leaving a red mark on his face and  he shoved the periscope away as hard as he could. Unfortunately, the momentum swung it back and it was hurled into his face. In a tantrum and between shock, pain, and anger, he stepped back on his catwalk and swung backwards over the railing onto his head. As the stars faded, he groaned and tried to get up, but the children had started playing exceptionally loud today and with the combined force of the impact a headache pounded in his head and he decided to stay where he was. He mumbled a small “I meant to do that,” before closing his eyes.

           Meanwhile, Sportacus was having a lovely birthday party. Maybe a little of the surprise was faked, but it was mostly genuine. He didn’t remember telling anyone his birthday, but he was glad that they knew. The party had a banner, and games, and sportscandy and blue. Lots of blue. He played with the children with more energy than usual, if that was possible, and didn’t notice that they were louder than usual. After a while of playing, the kids were tired, so they all decided to take a break. He sat with them under an apple tree, listening to them talk about school and such. But something didn’t feel right. He felt like he was forgetting something, and that someone was in trouble. Everyone was here, except for… his brow furrowed. Robbie. He wondered why Robbie hated him, and his heart sank a little. But then he remembered that it was his birthday, and he smiled. He tried to forget the feeling, since his crystal didn’t go off. But he felt bad, and he wasn’t sure why but he did. Lately his thoughts on Robbie had been getting a little… different. He had never felt this way about anything before, and he didn’t know if it was good or if he had been coming down with something. He had never been sick before, so maybe this is what it felt like. He vaguely wondered if Robbie would come but was interrupted when Stephanie spoke up.

            “Sportacus, are you okay? I’ve never seen you so serious before,” she said. He faked a smile.

            “I was just thinking about Robbie,” he said, with fake happiness going unnoticed in his voice. She looked confused.

            “Why?” she asked. Then, for good measure, she added, “He would just try to ruin the party. It’s your birthday, Sportacus!” His smile faltered slightly.

            “Stephanie, do you know why people bully?” he asked. She shook her head no, and he went on. “Bullies are bullies because they’re unhappy with themselves,” he finished, a small realization hitting him as well as the children.

            “Why would Robbie be unhappy? He usually seems so happy when he’s thwarting,” she asked, not wanting to believe that Robbie was sad, or lonely. It was so much easier to think that mean people got what they deserved, not that they were unhappy.

            “Maybe he’s lonely, or maybe he’s been bullied himself,” he said. It suddenly became quiet, and he felt a little bad for putting such a damper on the mood. He jumped up suddenly. “Who’s ready to get back to our game?” he chirped, and the kids all cheered and followed him to the courts. They all put the conversation in the back of their heads, to be reviewed later. All of them, except for Stephanie. They played for another hour more when they were interrupted by a familiar figure stalking by faster than ever before. Sportacus, however was faster, and he flipped over a wall, grabbed his water bottle, and landed in front of Robbie. Robbie stopped and looked at him. Half of his face was covered by a huge, purple and blue bruise. But it wasn’t that that scared Sportacus. It was the look in Robbie’s eyes.  Not only were they bloodshot, but Sportacus had never seen someone so incredibly angry, so livid. It scared Sportacus, and he stepped back a bit. It was suddenly quiet and the silence hurt Sportacus’s ears, so he decided to say something.

            “Hi, Robbie,” he said. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Won’t you join us? It’s fun.” A look of sadness and confusion passed over Robbie’s face, but he said nothing. The silence was louder than before, the atmosphere was more tense and almost angry. But that didn’t scare Sportacus. The thing that scared Sportacus was his feelings. Robbie was completely outraged, and it was Sportacus’s fault. He had done something, and it hurt his heart more than anything ever had before. His heart burned as the fiery claw from Robbie’s heart reached through the two men and crushed Sportacus. He felt so hurt. His heart was hurt. His heart was broken, and he had never felt that way before. It absolutely crushed him. But on the outside, he feigned happiness.

            “Uh, um, Robbie! It’s time for a water fight!” he chirped, back flipped away, grabbed a hose and the kids scattered into a panicked mass of children, giggling and squealing excitedly. Sportacus stole a glance at Robbie and his heart broke even more. He didn’t seem mad anymore, just sad, lonely, and so distant from everyone else. His brow furrowed despondently and he glared towards Sportacus. They made eye contact and he suddenly bristled, standing up straight and putting on a fake resentful face, before turning around and stalking away. Sportacus’s face fell and the hose slipped out of his grip. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t, because heroes don’t cry, so he faked another smile, laughed and picked up the hose again. His little moment went unnoticed by everyone and the party continued as if nothing had happened.

            That night, Sportacus was in his airship, thinking about earlier. His heart hurt still. It felt sore, like that one time when he was just a kid and he worked his muscles too hard and they ached. It was his birthday, so he shouldn’t be sad, but Robbie’s face. He wondered what was going on in Robbie’s head. Suddenly, he remembered that Pixel, for his birthday, had given Sportacus a little computer thing that had lap or something in the name, and it had information on the people of LazyTown if he just pushed a button. Leaping up off his bed, he opened up the computer and looked at it. It had lots of buttons, some of which Pixel had explained, but Sportacus didn’t remember, so he looked at it. Some of the keys had letters, maybe he could type stuff. He spelled “ON” on the keyboard. Nothing happened. He picked it up and looked for a switch on it, or something, but found nothing. One of the buttons was bound to turn it on, so he pushed all of them, and one of them did something because the screen lit up, then it had a picture on the screen of LazyTown with little tiny things on it. They looked like icon, and one of them said “LazyTown”, so he poked it. Nothing happened. “What..?” he murmured, then he remembered the thing. Pixel called it a… a mouse? Yes, a mouse, so he clicked it. Nothing happened. Frustrated, he grabbed it and moved it aggressively across the table back and forth. Something on the screen moved with his motion and he stopped. Slowly, carefully, he moved the mouse so that the cursor moved to the little LazyTown icon, and then he clicked the button on top, and a page opened, and a little box was there. He slowly clicked a button on the keypad and a little tiny “K” showed up in a little box. Pressing the backspace so that the K disappeared, he slowly typed in “ROBBIE ROTTEN” and pressed enter, not sure what he was looking for. A small blue thing showed up that said “Robbie Rotten” and had a sentence that ended in “…read more here” and he began to read it.

            “Robbie Rotten; born on October 10th, [year unknown] in [place unknown] and went to [school unknown]…”

            Sportacus realized they knew so little about Robbie, and he frowned slightly. Suddenly it hit him. October 10th. That was today. They had missed Robbie’s birthday. Maybe that was why he was so sad… Robbie came up, probably looking for a “happy birthday” and instead he got people celebrating someone else’s birthday and completely forgetting about him. He felt absolutely crushed. His heart was breaking even more, and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. They flowed freely from his eyes, and he bit his lip thinking about what he could do. Closing the laptop, he picked up his phone and clicked Bessie’s number. He had gotten the phone a while ago from Pixel and he knew very well how to work it. Well, not really, but he could call certain people when he needed to, which he hardly ever did. Bessie answered suddenly.

            “Sportacus? Are you okay? It’s past 8:08, what’s going on?” she asked.

            “Oh, hi Bessie! Everything’s fine, I just wanted to say that, uh… Robbie’s birthday was, um… We missed it, and I wanted to make it up to him. Somehow,” he mumbled.

            “…Oh! How sad… I understand that you’re upset, I’ll pull something together for tomorrow, and it might be a little… modest, but I think it’ll be good. As long as you can get him to come,” Bessie said.

            “Thanks Bessie! I’ll get him to come, thank you!” Sportacus said. Then, he hung up the phone and got back into bed. He felt a tiny bit better, but he felt weird. He felt guilty. Sighing, he turned over in bed and pulled the cover over his head, knowing he wouldn’t get any sleep.

Then next morning Sportacus woke up bright and early and slid down the ladder to LazyTown and ran to the center. It was empty, of course, because he was up so early, but he decided to see if Robbie was up.

Filled with a new found enthusiasm, he trotted to the purple billboard and waddled around it. He found the metal entrance to Robbie's domain and knocked, a smile on his face. He heard muffled thumping and mumbled curse words before the latch opened and he was face to face with a black and blue mess with piercing grey-blue, bloodshot eyes. Upon seeing Sportacus, his brow furrowed and his lip quivered.

"What do you want, Sportacus?" he hissed. Sportacus was usually elated to hear the lithe man say his name and not some morphed, insulting version of it, but in this case it wiped the smile off his face. He didn't like it when his name slid from Robbie's lips like venom, dripping poignant enmity. He suddenly forgot why he was here.

"Uh... um, I..." he stuttered. Robbie reached for the hatch to slam it when Sportacus abruptly remembered. "Wait! Robbie, your birthday," he exclaimed. Robbie stopped, and held the hatch up, eyes wide with shock. His brows suddenly dropped, and he clamped his mouth shut.

"Oh, you remembered," he said sarcastically. Sportacus swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Robbie, I'm really sorry we forgot," he said softly, "but if you would just come with me, I think I can make it up to you!" Robbie scoffed at this.

“No, Sportacus.”

“... what?”

“I'm not going to your stupid little last-minute birthday party!”

Sportacus was quiet. He felt like crying, and so he did. “Robbie, please! I-I'm so sorry we forgot, I can only imagine how much it hurt to see everyone celebrating someone else's birthday on your own but if you just give me a chance,” he grabbed Robbie’s face in his hands, “I could show you…” he stopped. He realized he was blushing, with his face so close to Robbie’s. He stared deep into the man’s eyes and saw that he was lonely, and afraid. From here he could better see the beautiful color of Robbie’s eyes, his pale skin, his wavy hair, his soft lips. Sportacus longed to touch the soft lips with his own. His breathing sped up as he realized this was what he had been feeling, he was in love with Robbie Rotten.

        “Sp-Sportacus…” Robbie mumbled, placing his own hands on the elf’s. Sportacus barely heard it over the sound of his heart racing. He couldn't hold himself back anymore. He stared into the man’s eyes lovingly, and then he leaned forward. Closing the gap between the two, he gently pressed his lips into Robbie’s. Robbie gasped against Sportacus’s mouth and his grip tightened on the elf’s hands. Sportacus pulled away slowly after a moment, and pressed his forehead against his love’s. It was quiet.

        “If this is y-you trying to get me to g-go to the party,” Robbie started. Sportacus laughed.

        “Robbie, I love you,” he said softly, looking up at the man. Robbie was looking at him, eyes wide. He was blushing.

        “Sportacus, I… I never…”

Sportacus drew away. He had made Robbie uncomfortable. He was blushing, not the light, tender, sweet pink hue of love, but a deep, embarrassed red.

        “Oh, Robbie, I'm sorry, I never stopped to think about-”

Robbie leaped out of the silo/entrance to his house and grabbed Sportacus’s hands.

        “Don't apologize,” he whispered, then added, “I'll go to the party.” Sportacus brightened instantly.

        “You will!! Robbie, that's great! I'm so happy you-”

Robbie interrupted him by pressing his mouth against the elf’s. Sportacus’s eyes widened in shock, but after a second they slid closed and he leaned into Robbie, running a hand through the man’s hair. Eventually Robbie pulled away. He gazed into Sportacus’s eyes, infatuated. Sportacus placed a gentle kiss on Robbie’s nose and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the center of town. Maybe Robbie’s life would turn around after all. Maybe he would be happy from now on. Maybe this would be the best day he'd ever had.

((its rlly angsty and i said “brow furrowed” like 7 times))