#Stupid reveal idea I thought of lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

louebel · 8 months

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Hi! Can I request fluff Law x fem!reader where reader is feels sick but tries to ignore it/do things on her own (she’s not used to ask for help) but as a doctor law easily can tell by the signs and it happens during their sea journey on the polar tang? Hope I’m not asking too much love ya 🥺

Feel free to add angst or anything else to your writing ^•^

this is super old and the only request i'll ever do (atm) since i had a wip— ANON SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER <\3 reader is gn since i used the second person and no description.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: trafalgar law × gn!reader 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 6,124 wc. a bit angsty, ends with fluff, emotional reader for the sickness, law is bad at emotions. this turned longer than expected, i hope it's decent xdd hit me up if there's any mistakes lol. supposed to be called windows of the soul,, divider by @ benkeibear my lord and saviour. 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: sickness overtook your body and worsened your already pitiful situation. law has been ignoring you and you have no idea why... but with how you felt, there was no way you could confront him at the moment.

scrub, scrub, scrub...

"... phew ..."

scrub... poof!

"Oh! — damnit — aargh..."

Cleaning today has been a nightmare. Never been so tedious.

Like, it was already uninteresting compared to all the other things you could do, but today it was ten times worse. You could bear it, seeking to make dusting shelves fun by humming some random tune to yourself. It was okay, something you had to do every once in a while. You could do it.

If only you weren't sick.

"Achoo! Achoo! — urgh... Achooo..! Damn."

You began feeling like this some days ago, or so you told yourself as you delicately hunched down to the floor, hoping to grasp the yellow sponge soaked in foam and water without experiencing excruciating pain. However, your hopes soon shattered as your back screamed in agony and your legs trembled with soreness, almost giving up on you.

Just the flu, you insisted, it would go away. A couple of sneezes mean nothing. You would feel better and all would go back to the ordinary.

... Oh, how wrong you were! And how stupid for not getting a day off.

You were capable, though! You counted on your immune system (it sounded heroic the first time you thought of that). One night is all you needed.

Or not.

"Ow, ow..."

You should've told your captain. Sure, it would cost your courage, pride, and dignity, but at least you'd be cured. You'd rather die than tell him you got sick because of the one herb he instructed everybody to avoid.

What's worse is that he's been rather distant, and he's unquestionably avoiding you. The way he shoots daggers — no, whole machetes in your direction every time you do anything, smart or not, is so clear even the crew can see it. And the worst part? You do not know why.

It had been like this for a while now, and you detested this whole plight with passion. Everything was okay between the two of you, you were sure of it! What did you do that spurred such a reaction? From one so dear to you?

Those sweet memories...

From new findings you excitedly presented him, to revealing himself, his past and adventures to you after almost a year of sailing. You knew everything about him. He knew everything about you.

So why? Why stop so abruptly? You didn't mind when he digressed about his newfound coins. When he murmured under his breath while he pored over medical books or mulled about a particular topic. When he stressed over labor and called for a brief break, where you or the crew would attend to him by delivering him a meal or helping when he wasn’t looking. He's so stubborn.

"Uurgh..."

From captain, to Law, to captain again. Not to mention how he deftly stopped you from hanging out with him. You thought he needed space at first. Maybe he was tired and had to rest for the next few days. That’s alright. However, your thoughts deteriorated as the days passed. But well, right now it's better if he doesn't see you at all. Nor the crew‌ — oh, the damn crew. Those two.

The "two" being the pair of nitwits that constantly stand by law's side and grin at you. Seriously...

You do not understand what Penguin and Shachi find so amusing about your situation with him. It's a tragedy, not a comedy. You love them both, truly, the minute you stepped into the polar tang they were the first ones to get you to open up and all, but goodness, you wish you could beat them for sitting there, cackling and clapping their hands while confiding some mysterious comments to each other when la — the captain, showed up in the area and walked past you with an unreadable gaze. He'd constantly salute you and the others with a bow of his head or more, depending on his mood.

Now? If he saw one inch of your form?

Sigh. His face always went red.

Why can't those two just tell you? Even Ikkaku seemed to know something you didn't. She was more subtle about it, though. Jean Bart wasn't slick either. You could see him smile from a mile away. Hakugan and Clione? Shachi and Penguin 2.0, except they hid behind Jean Bart. The rest pitied you instead, sometimes patting your back — sometimes shaking their head almost in disbelief. Oh, and Bepo gave you suspicious smiles! Every time he tried to say something to you, those two animal hat-wearing goblins silenced him. Did they just want you to suffer?

And if they did want that then their curses were working because even after grabbing the sponge (almost losing your temper as it slipped through your gloved palm twice) and straightening back to an erect pose, your head was still banging with fervor, muscles barely reacting.

If only you could snuggle with the fluffy, warm mink right now. A bitter sigh rushed past your lips at the thought.

Those two were just so mean. But Law was much meaner — the captain, the captain... Yes, the captain. That... That dummy.

You groaned and shook your head while forcing your wobbly arms to scrub the table, exhausted mentally with this never-ending train of thoughts and these fanciful fists leaving invisible bruises all over your poor body. Not to point out those hands pinching your brain like dough...

Just — you... Goodness, what was it he suddenly despised so much? The submarine felt like home. It was home, especially when he joined you. Now when he does, he — the aura he emanates is intimidating, yet everyone is either unaware of it or not affected by it.

What made him so resentful? You can barely say anything when he strides into the place, too panicked to learn how he would perceive you or talk to you if you go on. It's like you're back on step one, isolated, too scared to be yourself with your family. Because of one man who's supposed to be the head of it.

Being you felt like a sin when close to him, as if he preferred the private variant of who you are, and shunned your curious and spirited self. You could understand since he’s rather closed off and well, in a certain aspect you are too, but — did he not like you at all? Was it all an act to not offend you? He didn't seem to dislike your vivid reactions initially, or your foolish gestures when nearing a fresh island. You were often silent, smiling and listening to others converse, but when around your companions, you easily liked to open up since it was the only time you could do so. And they were more than just that. You entrusted all the members of the heart pirates. They meant everything to you. Even him, who stopped including you.

Ugh...

You wished it could all go back to normal.

This disease enjoyed fumbling with your previously scrambled sentiments. Law did mention it brought a high fever and emotional susceptibility. You didn't consider it'd be this severe.

"... Okay, I'm done."

You certainly weren't, with your bed unmade and furniture still dusty; floor imploring for a good wash. However, with the croaky voice you had paired with your runny nose, you doubted you could do more. Even if you did, it'd be better not to.

You peered down at the bucket full of water that probably smelled better than you at the moment, ignoring the small puddle beside it made by your poor handling sponges skills. Grimacing, you decided to leave it where it was in case carrying it back turns out to be a challenge. Hopefully, Ikkaku can provide you help later.

Looking around, your droopy eyelids dimmed your perspective and further provoked you as both exasperation and exhaustion mixed and boiled in your gut, room so messy it mirrored your current state. You didn't know what was irritating you more: the light of the lamp or the disarray you resided in.

Howling dejectedly, you turned and plodded to your bed, opening your arms, ready to throw yourself on the mattress. The more you sleep, the sooner you'll get better. Yeah, you're so brilliant. You closed your eyes and —

knock knock.

— reopened them a second after, remaining immobile for an extra few before glowering at your door, contemplating whether to go open it or linger to determine if they'd leave. Hmm.

You waited.

... knock knock.

Fantastic.

You gritted your teeth, drawing a profound breath to settle your nerves, haywire thanks to the hellish illness. They didn’t deserve to withstand your rage, but who knows, maybe by seeing your shape, they'll show sympathy and tell you. That could work.

Okay.

You sluggishly trudged to the door, not bothering to adjust your unbuttoned pajamas and faking a cheerful facade. You hoped your face didn't look too awful, but you couldn't care less right now.

Gripping and twisting the knob, you pushed it open, greeting them with the feeblest voice you've ever had, your sore nose making it unthinkable to inhale air. You rubbed the back of your head while doing so, eyelids closed to evade any light.

"Yo, Penguin, Shachi, how can I—" the words automatically came out of your coarse and blazing throat, opening your eyes a bit to look at... them...

Then you saw a tattoo. And more tattoos. No white, poofy boiler suits in sight.

By barely seeing light before, you tried giving yourself mercy, but now you were only slaughtering yourself to make sure the person in front of you was, well. Him.

Your jaw fell while your brows lifted in consternation, but shortly returned down thanks to your declining headache. Your pupils then scaled the mountain of mass before you and arrived at the peak. Another pair of eyes.

Cool, gray eyes. The ones that just a week ago welcomed you with compassion and comfort. Now they drive you to wither away from this world. Even if you look up to them. (Hehe, get it? man, you're so silly, wow.)

"—help … Captain. Uh, hello." and there goes your comfort zone.

You tried swallowing down air but got pounds of mucus down your stomach instead, curved posture closing up even more in his presence, ashamed to be seen in such a weak state, instantly regretting not managing your appearance as his gaze scrutinized you from top to bottom, probably displeased with how you presented yourself..

You looked everywhere but at him. He only looked at you.

Envy spurted from the plant’s toxins. How could he focus on one thing and have so much confidence to stare at someone without breaking eye contact at all? If you do the same for longer than two seconds, it feels like whoever looked at you has seen your entire personality, life, darkest secrets that you didn't really have, closest people to you — everything in poor words. The windows of your soul, perpetually agape.

How does he keep them closed? Why can't you seal them at all? Why?—

"—so care to explain the meaning of this?"

"Huh?"

You stupidly stared at him, blinking and glancing at his shoulders, then back at him to break whatever spell he put on you, not able to concentrate at all.

Barely could you see the annoyed expression on his face. You hoped he wasn't dealing with excessive stress. Making him feel worse was not your intention.

"I said, care to explain what this is? You look... terrible—" you cringed at that, "—and you haven't come out of your room since this morning. Do you have any idea what time it is?" His scrutinizing tone made you want to crawl under your blankets and stay there forever, but his patronizing gaze didn't let you.

You could merely fidget with your fingers and glance back at the floor to relieve your worries, which mixed with pain, fatigue, and dirtiness. You called for sleep so badly.

"I'm—I'm sorry, Captain. I, uh, I didn't—" sniff, "—mean to skip my duties. Sorry."

His brow creased in suspicion at your raspy voice and poor shape.

"Is that so? Look at me while you say it." if his words weren't menacing enough, his tone was too. He knew you couldn't do that. Especially now.

"Uh..." you unconvincingly whispered, continuing to play with your fists, until rubbing your nape once more, shuddering at how chilled your hands were compared to it.

Your actions were, again, spotted by him, and if one more thing occurred, then he'll be correct.

"Well? I'm waiting."

"..."

Sighing exasperated, you raised your head to look into his pupils once again.

Unbeknownst to you, he already confirmed another of his impressions while taking a further view of your sullen visage.

"I, uhm, overslept, Captain. That — that happens sometimes, yeah? Sorry about that. I'll—I'll..." stopping for a moment, you squinted your eyes and scrunched your nose while the man before you attentively fixated his stare on your frame and—

"Achooo!" —covered half of your face whilst he recoiled back at the loud sneeze you let out, not expecting it at all. He blinked, then you sneezed again, and again. Streak of three.

If your voice and glossy eyes already told everything to the doctor, the continuous sneezes only reinforced his thesis.

You exhaled haplessly as he sternly said your name.

"You're sick." his firm and coherent words could not be fooled. Your fate was sealed.

"...Yeah." at this point, you didn't care. He was gonna scold you, nothing you could do about it. You could only hope he'll do that after you're cured because right now, you could barely stand still without shivering. You were sure if he wanted to do something he would have already, so he definitely will have a talk with you after you're healthy.

"Why?" you've been proven wrong so many times this morning — afternoon. Evening? That you don't know what's gonna happen next.

You stared at him numbly, almost done with everything.

"What do you mean 'why'? I don't, I don't know. Probably our... Ugh, our last stop, isn't that obvious—"

"Not that. Why didn't you say anything? To the others? To me?"

If it wasn't for your head beating incessantly and the aching of your tendons ruining everything, you would think this was a dream.

You kept gawking at him like a goldfish. His timbre wasn't as stern as it regularly was. It was a bit, just a tad bit lower. Like, barely. His eyes were softer, and if you met the man yesterday, you wouldn't be capable of identifying his mood. It's because you knew him for so long that you could distinguish it.

"I..." you mumbled talks under your breath, awfully feeble to maintain the discussion, barring your eyes and hitching away when Law planted his freezing hand on your forehead. You fussed in protest, although it didn't last long.

"You're cold... Off."

"My hands are perfectly fine. You're burning," he interrupted you, stating the obvious. But you were far too deep to listen, fatigued.

"Yeah... M'sorry." you nodded while deliberately looking down in shame, almost dropping to the ground out of fatigue. Everything seems hazy, the pressure in your skull fading, while the breaths you took were meager.

Something skimmed over your shoulder and nape — ah, his fingertips — palm carefully tilting your head back up. Your mouth hung open, and you attempted to focus on your captain's facial features and the iconic hat to not fall asleep.

"It's fine." But his gentle approach and mellow maneuvers set you in a soothing trance, where you couldn't do anything other than auscultate him.

It’d be an exceptional moment to speak up about these last days, his odd actions.

"It... It is? You, ah... You're not..." but you struggled to do so, chest too heavy to speak. He narrowed his eyes, striving to make out what you were saying, but it was all incomprehensible to him.

"I'm not?" he urged you to proceed, getting closer — he felt warm. Wasn't he cold some seconds ago? Ah, he’s draping his coat over your shoulders, so, so cozy, — and holding you as if you were glass. Why was he holding you? It felt nice, undoubtedly nice. Oh, you were going to fall, you think.

“Hey—hey. It’s okay. I got you. I got you.”

Cradling you in his arms, Law cursed and crouched down, snaking an arm under your knees and sweeping you up, a short "there" slipping from his tongue, keeping you close to his breast. Naturally, you snuggled close to the source of heat, losing consciousness, unaware of your surroundings, his distress, and jogging to the infirmary.

“Hey. Keep your eyes open. No, no, open—yes, yes, like that. Good job. A bit more, then you can go to sleep, alright?"

While nodding lazily when he said your name again, you curled up for more warmth, and he mellowly followed your movement, hefting you up and pressing his lips upon your forehead, his frown deepening at how high the temperature was. He needed to administer medicine quickly.

"Law …'m sorry if I smell."

He scoffed. Thinking of such idiotic things was exactly like you, sputtering them out so bluntly. Rolling his eyes was natural at this point.

"That's my last concern. We'll think of your scent and hygiene later. Don't speak. Shh."

So stupid, so stupid. He should've confronted you ever since you left the island. He should've. It's been a recurring pattern these days. He couldn't see you because of his work but spoke with the others at breakfast, lunch, dinner... They all grew concerned about your distance. Uni shared that it began right after the departing... He knew something wasn't right with you, he could feel it.

Back in that inhabited location, he quickly took note of your drooping posture and fatigued breathing. He wanted to ask about it, but the following days, you acted normal, and Law thought you were queasy because of the heat.

Then he got busy checking on the crew's documents, medicine supply, the damn broken scope Hakugan sadly reported, bounties, news — and something else. He managed to give a check-up to everyone but you. It was mandatory after leaving an island.

With you evading him and him doing the same, this happened. Great. He could only hope it wasn't contagious.

... Wait.

He gritted his teeth in sour realization — Not once has he seen you in the halls or dining hall. No one mentioned you, either. Have you eaten anything at all? Oh, you imbecile.

He palmed your skin through your suit, easing your laments and whimpers, walking through the hallways of the Polar Tang and reaching the infirmary. Kicking the door open while lulling you a bit, shushing and fluttering his eyelids at your sick and quaking form.

"There we go. Shh, I know, I know, it's awful."

Uplifting the blankets, he quickly covered you and began searching for his equipment, rustling and metal clicks tangling with your whines.

"U- uuh... W- where..?"

"I'll be there in a second. I'm here."

As he said that, he quickly came back to you, already stirring medicine in a cup. He had to give to you before you blacked out or fell asleep. Sliding a hand under your back, he carefully pushed you up, gaining a groan from you; you sounded so tired. Tipping your head forward, he brought the rim of the cup to your lips. You were delirious, could barely see or feel, but managed to follow his direct instruction to "open". The first glass was tasteless, fresh... water.

The second tasted awful.

"E—eugh..."

"A couple more sips and we're done. Come on, you're doing good."

Once you drank it all, with a small praise from Law, he gently laid you back down, about to check your vitals. He knew you were in no condition to do as he instructed, it would be all him. Idiot, idiot...

Just looking at you made him guilty. He never saw you this awful. However, what truly pushed him were your next phrases.

“Do you feel better now..?”

Low and dry, they all were. He halted his movements, his hands in the bag, shifting his attention to you.

Your question puzzled him.

Feel better? Him? He was fine. Perhaps you thought the disease was contagious? No; you would've phrased that diversely. His forehead creased, slightly tilted to the side.

"What?"

“I … I missed you."

And as clear drops cascaded down your cheeks, his limbs froze, a bittersweet ache striking his chest.

"I—I thought I did something wrong … I’m sorry … Should've told you. 'M sorry ... really...”

Shit.

“No, no, don’t be. It’s alright, don't—don't speak. You did nothing. Shh...”

And if you stayed conscious for some more seconds, you could've seen those severe pupils mitigate. The windows of his soul open up; the "stern" gaze he preserved for you withering in an instant at your vulnerability.

All he wanted to do was clear that up. When, now..?

“I—I’m the one that should’ve apologized, damn it…”

"Aargh..."

Warm.

"Mmh..."

It was very warm. Pleasant.

"Hn..."

The boilersuit felt different. Heavier, and not … poofy. Hm.

The pillow was so nice, though...

You sought a better position under the comforting and amiable regime of your blanket, squinting your glistening eyes as if sand had struck them; eyebrows knitting in distaste and discomfort, choler cramming up your insides — but not for long, extremely achy and sleepy to lament.

Shouldn't it be easier to relax now that you are tired? Shifting left and right left your muscles throbbing. The peace you could achieve in your dreams was all you begged for. But no, you just had to rise two more times in the span of minutes or hours.

When you woke up the third time, someone surprised you. He was perching on a chair near the infirmary's bed, head, presumably about to doze off. An encyclopedia of vegetation and exotic environs sat in his palms and dotted jeans, the cover made of green-coloured leather, firm to the touch.

He looked peaceful.

"... Law?"

Your lashes fluttered at the fierce shudder that rocked his frame, the textbook about to fall, his eyes snapping open and rapidly darting up to you.

"Oh. You woke up. Good. Good evening."

You were mad at him. You were mad at him.

His lips were indubitably moving. Whatever he was saying, you were not listening. Something about being out for hours, but you were too out of it to pay attention.

And looking down at your body, your eyeballs almost popped out of your sockets at the sight of... Not your boilersuit.

"I'm in my pajamas?"

"And — hm? Oh. I changed you." Pause. "With my devil fruit, of course. Obviously. You were way too hot in it."

"..."

Pause number two.

"I'm hot?" You bluntly said,

"Not in that way." And he quickly retorted, bashful. You immediately got gloomy.

"Oh..." You and Bepo were alike. He couldn’t help but sweatdrop.

"No, no, no, don't — you look fine. That's not what I meant."

A hoarse chuckle ripped from your sensible larynx, a noise that he hadn't heard in a while. His back loosened at your jovial note, the pressure applied on the envelope of the manual lessening.

There was a superb illustration of the flora you accidentally whiffed.

"You inhaled it, didn't you?"

... Silence followed. Then a sigh.

"A simple allergy with a sore throat and emotional instability in the first phase caused by the pollen, weakened muscles and headache in the second, and heightened senses, nausea, and worsening of the body in the last one. You felt them all."

Quick and precise, each symptom he mentioned appeared throughout the weeks you boarded on the Polar Tang. He hit the mark. Glancing at him from the corner of your eyes, you nodded sheepishly, feeling hot in your cheeks.

"Y—Yeah."

"I thought I mentioned dodging those peculiar red flowers. I don't expect you to recall the name, but to avoid it. Thankfully, you only inhaled its pollen, or else you would've been in this bed the moment we departed."

"O—oh... That bad?"

"No, not really. The symptoms would've developed quicker, but nothing dangerous. Perhaps you would have slept over two days, as all cases do when encountering this allergy," He narrows his eyes at you, shutting the book and crossing his long legs, his foot jouncing. "Not at all fatal, only worrying when the patient in question mentions nothing about the symptoms and overworks themselves.”

“Hey—”

“You're fine."

A small huff left your lips, nodding lazily. Nothing was uttered after from both sides. Occasional groans from yours. Only then he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"..." The answer was simple. He immediately found the illness yet couldn't pinpoint the cause of this? It was almost ironic. Your quietude wasn't taken well.

"Well?"

"... You ignored me. You made it clear."

And he was faking ignorance. That glance, his attitude. You knew him too well, but had no energy to call him out.

"I—I didn't."

"Don't play coy, Law. Did I do something? Even the others know. Penguin and Shachi told me. I—"

You paused when he raised his hand, glancing at it in confusion, then back at him, twice or more. He sighed and dropped it back on his thigh again, using his other one to rub his temple in distress.

"You did nothing. I don't know what... Shachi and Penguin said," You tilted your head at his peculiar manner of quoting them. "But I've got nothing against you."

He stopped rubbing and lifted his head to check on you again and you were unsure of what to say. His brows wrinkled the tender skin of his forehead, severity, and minor unease painting every fiber of his appearance.

You just... didn't know.

"Really? Then why those weird stares? Why leave the room the moment I come in? I mean." you flailed your hands around, looking everywhere as if you could find an explanation. "You never behaved this way, Law, not with anyone. I... It was fine before, right? Let me ask again, did I do something wrong?"

"Of course not!"

At his hasty exclamation, you blinked, uncertain why he became as rigid as stone. Palms back on the blanket, you awaited an elaboration of his thoughts, observing his adumbral face to detect any key to figure out what caused him to alter his ways with you. However, his hat, which you've always appreciated for its fluffiness, turned out to be an issue. Those eyes you've grown so fond of refused to meet yours.

You just couldn't get it. The surrounding air grew an intoxicating no romance book would mention, one that did the contrary of setting your heart aflame, that poor muscle of yours.

If he explained, it would've been easier.

"Okay, 'of course not' ... Sure—"

"We are not having this conversation. You need rest."

He briskly cut you off, and your heart felt constricted. The words felt bitter upon both of your tongues, so bitter and revolting, they made his jaw clench and your eyes water. You weren't having it. Absolutely not.

"I feel better now, thank you, and I say we're having this right here." You pushed, ignoring how he clenched his tattooed fist.

"No—"

"Yes, Law! I don't know what I did, but if it bothers you, shouldn’t you tell me? There are things we can all miss."

The pang in your brain was still active, and you had no patience nor strength to argue. Either he spoke up or you'd go straight to sleep.

"I... You did nothing that bothers me."

His speech was almost a whisper, a low rumble, and were you in your regular state, you'd feel sad to see him like this. Law had no trouble speaking up— perhaps with apologies, or admitting to be wrong when in the midst of a conversation. Maybe something genuinely bothered him. But he'd tell you, wouldn't he? He had to.

But you weren't the only one who had to consider the consequences. He also had to do his part.

"... And?" you encouraged him, to gain something, something that would lead you both to that damned thing you were both chasing, that ounce of understanding.

“And—and what?" alas, it served another wave of blistering dissatisfaction down upon the membranes of your boiling stomach.

He couldn't be serious.

"... Whatever. I'm going to sleep."

"What?"

You detested how you were feeling, a volcano of passions, the pounding in your skull, and the heat, and the ludicrous, nagging insecurity, all these wretched, gristly sensations shoved in your mouth and scraping your gullet, such a relucting and squalid dish, contaminating your palate and inflaming the gums of your teeth.

But all Law could see was how your eyes moistened and reddened, the crinkles at the corners of your mouth, the contracted tissues above your nose.

You couldn't feel how his heart plummeted, either. Again, he caused you to cry.

"Hey... I—"

"No, Law, no! I said leave! You ignored me for almost two weeks and now—now you're just..!"

Perhaps you were being a bit too "dramatic" for something you could solve with a modest exchange, something that, compared to all the obstacles you and Law went through, was a sheer grain of dust in your shoes. Yet you erupted for the frustration, the plant's effects and that nameless thing you'll bring in your grave, for if he knew, he'd probably pity you.

Maybe, just maybe, he should've kept ignoring you. If solely to dim that warmth. The glow in your eyes that only sparked with him.

"I don't mind if you need time. I don't mind if you're busy or whatever, that's obviously fine! But can't you tell me? Is it that hard? Instead of treating me like a stranger? Just—just, just leave..."

Your snotty voice seemed ridiculous, resounding through the infirmary alongside your sobs and sniffles. Vision tarnished by your tears, staring at the ceiling with resignation. It alarmed Law, whose emotions were already scattered; unnerved, anxious.

He couldn't take seeing you like this. He couldn't.

"That’s not it! I... I just — I..!" His broken explanations fell as your cries didn't stop; spasms traveling through your frazzled nerves. He swore under his breath, getting up and coming to you, standing close but so, so distant. His fingers jerked, impatient to wipe your tears, to calm you down, to assure you everything was alright, and this was all on him.

"What..?" you meekly whimpered, gazing at him as he appeared in your sight.

"I, I..!" if only he could express himself. You'd figure out. If only he could, without buckling and tearing apart at the weight of his own feelings.

"... You what, Law?"

It was tough to see with all those tears coating your scleras, but... His lips quivered. His jaw tensed.

His hands craved yours.

"I like—I like you!"

... You wondered if illusions were part of the symptoms. Your eyelids were all but relaxed. Popeyed.

"There. I said it. I mean it. Seriously. I—I think I love you."

You could feel his frantic grip, slightly pulling the blankets in his direction, tense as him. You've never seen Law so … jittery with you. Perhaps when he slowly spoke of his past, or when his plan failed.

"I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I... I was confused. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't... No, okay. I, I love you, but you don't have to reciprocate, really. ‌I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't—"

This was different, however. Not the same vulnerability, nor agitation. That teetering edge coating his sayings, not at all close to those instances.

"... Law."

"—ignoring you, I mean, I was, but I just couldn't face you, you know? I didn't know how to act—"

That glow, those feelings. The twinkle in his eyes Bepo mentioned when you spoke of something that fascinated you, that rare grin on his lips, and that sweetness, the swelling in his chest, and the red, and the breath of fresh air, and the intoxicating romance books loved to talk about...

Those tints blooming in his cheeks. The faint relaxation of his defined brows. How he covered his pretty, vulnerable self.

He's no different from you. Oh, oho ho, no, he wasn’t. Only now did you realize.

"Law."

"—but I missed you so much, I missed your presence, being with you, I—"

Your heartbeats matched.

"Law!"

You understand now. The definitive yell induced him to quit his blabbering, and eventually, he found your gaze. Those windows were not locked at all. Not marginally, not halfway. They were fully open. You could see him.

"It's... the same."

It was all you could utter. His jaw loosened, and you could recognize his wide, stormy irises.

"Huh? Wh — what?"

"I feel the same way, Law. I—I love you too."

Yours were open, too. They always were- yet he never acknowledged what dwelled inside. Two fools you both were.

"... Oh..." and a breathless whisper was all he could offer.

The silence dissipated. A delightful warmth occupied your rib cage. The pressure was gone.

All is back to normal.

"If... If you weren't sick. I'd kiss you." He mumbled, and his lips looked more luscious than ever. He shouldn't have said that. Now it was even harder.

"P—pfft... Of course, of course. Can you come closer, at least?" you pouted, giving him the best puppy eyes you could muster. “Pretty please?”

"... Fine. It's — not contagious, anyway," he huffed, his cheeks a light pink, and he sat on the margin of the infirmary's bed, hustling just a tad bit closer...

Closer...

"Closer?"

"Alright."

His ears grew pink at your giggles. Your fingers graced each other, "DEATH" entwined with you. His hands were lukewarm. Long, slim, calloused in some places, but also tender to the contact. His metacarpals were partially discernible, defining the shadows. He took care of his nails, ensuring they were cut short, although they appeared slightly, just somewhat lengthier than usual. Not considerably, however; they were still short.

How you missed holding it.

"Sorry, by the way. About everything." Squeezing his hand, you attempted to show him what it meant to you. He squeezed it back, brushing the top of your hand with his thumb, a pensive and solemn look on his face.

"No- I should apologize for not saying anything sooner. I neglected and avoided you. I … I don’t know what to do. You know I’m not the type for relationships.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, but weren't as worried as Law. You'll wait. Nothing would change.

“Mmm. I can wait for you, Law.” Saying it seemed to take him off guard, as if he hadn't thought about it. Or, rather, didn't expect you to propose it. In his head, it seemed silly because it's him. If you were to ask in his place, he'd also wait.

He felt lighter.

“… Truly?”

“Yeah. We can figure it out together. Like we always did. I’ve loved you for years." He inhaled deeply, your words buttery and sweet. "I’m fine with waiting longer.”

Thinking you wouldn't accept, if he asked, was stupid of him too. Of course you would. Of course. With another squeeze, he nodded, and turned his head away from you a bit.

His eyes glistened.

“I’d like that. Thank you.”

You smiled, too, saying nothing in return.

He can take all the time he needs.

After some days, everything went back to the typical routine. The first thing you did was knock Shachi and Penguin's heads, (supported by Ikkaku) and since Hakugan and Clione were on duty, you couldn't do the same for them.

You puffed your cheeks and enjoyed chewing the well-earned treat you snagged from the kitchen, reorganizing boxes since this morning.

"Tired?"

Peeking at the door, a smile adorned your mouth at the sight of your captain leaning on it.

"Mm, there were a lot of them."

"You could've asked for help. You know I don't want any of you to strain yourselves with tasks."

"I had it. Don't worry. Although..." another bite. "I miss it."

"Hm?" he crooned, tipping his head forward. "Miss what?"

You gazed into his eyes, "Miss getting pampered by you when I was sick." lovingly observing how they enlarged a bit before returning to the stoic stare he always wore, swaying his head to dismiss your remarks. The chambré tint on his cheeks was as clear as day, like his light smile. Not that you'd tell him, he'd immediately disregard it.

"... Meet me at my office once you're done."

As he turned his back to you, his boots making clicky rumors with each step, your smirk amplified... After all, who could wait to get coddled by none other than their favorite captain?

#law x reader #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece imagine #trafalgar law #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #trafalgar d law x you

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rapunzelbro · 3 months

Text

A Sacrifice For a Friend Angel Dust X reader 5

Extremely long chapter. Disclosure this is uh. Dark lol. Super dark. Valentino being well. Valentino. It’s just dark. That’s the TW.

Masterlist Taglist

1 2 2.5 3 3.5 4 5 6 Statement

Days turned into weeks, and still, you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story between you and the demon named Angel. You found yourself searching for him at every party Valentino wanted to show you off at, hoping for another glimpse of his familiar face, hoping to find some way to understand what it was that drew you to him.But Valentino seemed to have a sixth sense about these things, and each time you tried to seek away, you always found yourself pulled away by the Demon's insistent hand.

You spotted Angel standing alone in the shadows, his eyes met yours, and for a moment, you felt a spark of something - hope, perhaps? - flicker between you. "Angel," you breathed, walking towards him him. You were about to speak when a hand clamped down on your shoulder, spinning you around to reveal Valentino. His features were twisted into a mask of anger."I thought I told you to stay by my side" he growled. "What part of 'keep your distance' did you not understand?"

Angel's eyes flashed with anger, but he didn't say anything. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he was clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. He knew Valentino. Valentino's grip tightened on your shoulder. "I'm not asking you again," he warned. "If you keep this up, I'll make sure you regret it."You felt the anger rise up inside you, but you forced it down. You couldn't risk it.

You looked at Angel, hoping he understood the danger you were in. His expression softened, and he gave you a small nod. You turned back to Valentino, trying to sound nonchalant. "Fine. I won't see him again." Valentino studied your face for a moment, as if he could see right through your lie. But finally, he seemed to accept it and let go of your shoulder. "Good, it’s time we head back to the studio" He motioned to the limo, idling at the curb, and you knew there would be no escaping him tonight.As you climbed into the car, you caught one last glimpse of Angel, watching you from the shadows. There was something in his eyes that made you feel like he understood what you were going through, that he knew you were trapped in this nightmare.

The ride to the studio was silent, besides the sound of Valentino's harsh breathing and squeal of the limos tires as it swerved through traffic. You tried to prepare yourself for the inevitable verbal assault that awaited you once you arrived, but you couldn't help but feel a tremor of fear run down your spine.

When you finally pulled up to studio, you climbed out of the car and forced yourself to stand tall. You didn't want Valentino to think he could break you, not completely. As you walked up to the door, you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your neck.You pushed the door open and stepped inside, bracing yourself for the onslaught of his rage. The familiar smell of strawberry lube and sex filled your nostrils, in an almost comforting way as Valentino led you to your dressing room. He slammed the door shut behind you instantly, his eyes burning with fury.

"You disobeyed me," he growled. "You lied to my face." His voice was a low, dangerous rumble, and you could feel the anger rolling off him in waves. "Do you have any idea how much I give you , you stupid whore!" He advanced on you, his hand curling into a fist at his side. You couldn't help but take a step back, feeling the wall of the dressing room press against your shoulders. "I've been giving you everything you could ever want," he snarled. "Fame, fortune, a fucking desire most people can only dream of, and this is how you repay me?!" You wanted to defend yourself, to explain that it wasn't like that, but the words caught in your throat. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks. "I'm sorry," you managed to choke out. "I didn't mean to disobey you." Valentino took a step closer, his face inches from yours. His breath was hot against your skin, his grip on your arm painful. "You know what you have to do," he hissed. "You know what I expect of you."

The anger in his eyes made you feel small, worthless. You didn't dare meet his gaze, instead looking down at the floor as you tried to steady your shaking breath. You could feel the weight of his anger pressing down on you, making it hard to breathe. “You know what you have to do," he repeated, his voice low and threatening. "You know the consequences if you disobey me." His grip tightened on your arm, causing you to wince in pain before he let you go, opening the door harshly, and left.

The exhaustion began to set in after the first couple hours. Your body ached from being used in ways it wasn't meant to be, and your mind felt like it was spinning out of control. Every time you thought you'd reach the end, Valentino would demand one more scene, one more position, one more act of degradation.

It was as if he was trying to break you, to reduce you to nothing more than his personal sex toy. You tried to focus on the money, on the fact that this was what you had signed up for, but the thoughts kept creeping in, filling your head with doubt and self-loathing. The only thing that kept you going was the fear of what would happen if you couldn't meet Valentino's expectations, if you failed to please him.

And the thought of maybe seeing Angel again.

Angel Dust tag list: @vendetta-ari @brithedemonspawn @satansmanager @storydays @saturnhas82moons @zamadness @fizziepopangel @saitisfied @the--rebel--fae @mcueveryday @rainbowbunny15 @molarloo

Story Taglist @apollobean @kaoyamamegami @ozzersauce @idontreallyexistyet

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ddejavvu · 2 years

Note

so um hi!! i have like this stupid thought and i need to spread it lmao 💀💀 so basically let's say reader is trying to quit cigarettes/vapes ( possibly lets make it modern lol) cause you know its bad and she has like this urge to constantly touch her lips (i saw on tiktok that there is this psychological thing that things touching your lips send postive signals to your brain but its from tiktok so i dont think its valid information lol) but back to the point- so eddie being a loving boyfriend he is to help her with her addiction basically told her to just suck him off every time she gets the urge to smoke

god fuck this is a good idea-

this post is 18+, minors dni.

Eddie glances sideways at you from his spot on the couch, seeing your finger between your lips. You're gnawing at the nail which, like your others, are raw.

"Hey," He chides, reaching out to swat your hand away from your mouth, "Get that outta there."

"Eddie," You whine, crocodile tears lining your eyes, "I need something in my mouth! My nail's the best I've got."

He sympathizes with you, he really does. He'd only quit smoking because of the younger kids he hangs out with, after Dustin developed a chest cough he refrained from smoking around him. The rest was easy, once he'd started cutting back it wasn't hard to continue until he didn't crave any nicotine at all.

"I know it's hard," He flicks pause on the remote, lolling his head to the side to face you, "Why don't you get some candy or something?"

You shake your head vehemently, "No, no, food won't work. I need something, like, solid. Permanent. It's about my lips, not my mouth."

He has an idea. He feels like a children's cartoon, brows dipping and eyes narrowing, lips curling into a smirk. You notice the expression and stall, quirking one of your own brows up.

"Eddie...?"

"Get on your knees."

He relishes the reveal, the reality of his idea hitting you like a ton of bricks. Your mouth drops open and it only makes him tease you more, 'That's the idea.'

"Eddie," You follow his orders, sliding tentatively off the couch and landing on your knees, "'You sure?"

"Why would I say no?" He snickers, fingers already prying at his jeans to unfurl the zipper, "Go ahead, sweetheart."

You reach for his boxers, lightly palming him over the fabric. He relaxes his posture, eyes locked onto your kneeling form. It doesn't take him long to stiffen, between your touch and the view he has.

You can't help but chuckle, "You're excited."

"You need my dick in your mouth or else you'll start biting your fingers off," Eddie sneers, sensitive not only to touch but to teasing, "Don't insult me."

"Sor-ry," You huff, dipping your neck to kitten lick at the head of his cock, "I didn't even ask for this, y'know. You were the one who-"

Eddie jerks his hips upwards, cutting you off by jamming his cock between your lips. He doesn't hit the back of your throat but you gag all the same, eyes widening as tears well in your waterline.

"Desperate and mouthy," Eddie drawls, condescending grin on his face, "Get your fix, babe, 'cause if you keep talking back I'll zip up."

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phi4mars · 6 months

Note

So I was thinking of a request, when an idea popped into my mind, I definitely see Velvet to be the type to fall really hard in love and be in complete denial while also acting dismissive and uncaring, but in reality she’s all putty and melting at just the thought of them(and veneer knows and teases her about it) and she tries really hard not to show those weaknesses to anyone, especially the reader who in this case is worried on why velvet seems to avoid them like the plague. So yeah I thought a lot about this for some reason, hope it’ll give you more ideas for future stories:)

ahh yes. guys im so sorry i haven’t updated im suuuuuper busy right now but i should be able to post more. keep requesting please!!!

anyways thankyou for the suggestion i love it!!

complicated

꧁………….꧂

“i do not like her!! she’s my bestfriend!” velvet denies shouting at veneer.

“sure you don’t!! your all lovey dovey around her, just admit it!” he yells back frustrated that his sister will not admit she is a girl kisser.

“what do you mean lovey dovey?!” she asks crossing her arms.

“you’re always trying to get close to her and you turn into a blushing mess when she compliments you!!” veneer says slapping his face.

velvet thinks for a minute, then dropping her jaw.

“oh my god.”

2 days later velvet and veneer are in their dressing room after one of their shows. velvet lays on the couch after sighing,

“where’s y/n?” she asks looking disappointed.

“why so you can swoon over her?” veneer replies snickering.

“shut up” she replies covering her face.

suddenly the door bursts open revealing a very angry y/n.

“can you believe it? the stupid security guard held me back and called me a crazy fan!” she says moving her hands around.

y/n walks over to the couch and sits next to the green haired girl. velvet shifts away from her a little leaving y/n super confused.

“anyways you guys did amazing tonight! everyone was going crazy” y/n exclaimed.

“awe thankyou” veneer said while velvet stayed silent.

veneer shot velvet a look before she finally replied,

“oh yeah thanks” she said coldly.

y/n could tell something was off with velvet since she always used to be right next to her and talk a crazy lot. there was so much tension in the room y/n thought it would be best to leave.

“i’m gonna leave, see ya later!” she smiled at the two.

8:15pm

9:30pm

y/ns pov

“i need space” the message read, from my own bestfriend. my heart stopped. what the fuck was going on.

what had i done? it doesn’t make sense, i didn’t do anything.

i held back tears as i dialled veneer, surely he would have answers right?

no answer.

a million thoughts rushed through my head as i tried to backtrack my whole life trying to find anything that could have caused this. the pure panic rushed through my body as i couldn’t hold back the tears.

velvets pov

“i need space” i typed in and sent. i didn’t think before i sent that fucking message. she read it straight away.

what have i done?

i have messed up so bad, it’s so hard being around her, it feels all so different. i like her. no i’m inlove with my own bestfriend.

it felt like the only answer, avoid her until these feelings go away right? she probably hates me now.

“velvet, y/n is calling me” veneer opened the door and told me showing me his phone.

“don’t answer it.” i said sternly

“why?” he questioned.

“don’t answer it!” i screamed as i put my head in my hands.

꧁………….꧂

part 2?

sorry this isn’t really like the request and a bit short it’s just if i continued it would be so long lol

#trolls band together #velvet and veneer #velvet x reader #trolls #trolls x reader #fem reader

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thebiggerbear · 22 days

Text

Close Enough - Russell Shaw x Reader

Summary: When you'd met the Shaws at the morgue the day before, you thought that had been the end of it and you wouldn't need to see one Shaw brother in particular again. Little did you know that Colter was about to once again ask for your help and not only would you be forced to see Russell again but things were about to change drastically for the both of you.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader; Russell Shaw x Female!FBI Special Agent!Reader

A/N: Sequel to So Close. I wanted to follow up and reveal what happened between Russell and the reader in the past but as I was writing it, this idea popped into my head in addition to that and I just had to see where it went. This was the end result lol. Hope it's okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I still have not seen Tracker (besides 1x12) because I just haven't had the time for a proper binge yet so if I got some things wrong about Colter and his experience in the show, I apologize.

Also, I always like to throw the disclaimer out there anytime I write something related to the universe of law enforcement: I have never worked in law enforcement so I tried to piece together things I’ve seen and heard in true crime documentaries and podcasts alongside with movies/tv and books. I apologize for any inconsistencies, incorrect information, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. Basically, I made shit up.

Songs I listened to while writing: Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye; Easy Living by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty; Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline; Sounds of Someday by Radio Company

Warnings: sanctioned assassination; death; gun violence; violence/blood mention; mention of dead bodies; arson; implied sex; a very, very tiny amount of smut(ish); language (I guess?)

Word Count: 16K+

Russell Taglist: @deangirl96 (I hope you don't mind me tagging you in this one; this is going to lead into the series that I mentioned); @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Please do not do any of the above. Thank you for your understanding.

Your phone started to buzz and you glanced at the screen, rolling your eyes and letting out a sigh before picking up. That wasn’t the normal reaction you would have to seeing Colter’s name pop up on your phone but ever since that mess back at the morgue yesterday, you had been hoping he wouldn’t contact you again. At least not until his brother went back to whatever hole he’d crawled out of. But now it looked like that had been a fool’s hope, on both counts.

“You what?” You hissed.

“We’re about to head to this home in the Blue Ridge Mountains and go in to get Doug,” he repeated.

“I’m sorry, an incredible amount of stupid just sounded in my ear. Can you repeat that?”

“Reenie got me the location and it’s solid intel.” He lowered his voice. “Look, I thought we should get law enforcement involved, alright? But there’s a…valid reason why Russ doesn’t want to call them that I can’t get into right now.”

“Whoops, more stupid. One more time?”

Colter groaned into the phone. “Come on, Y/N.”

“I’m serious, Colter. What the hell are either of you think—wait, scratch that. What the hell are you thinking? Going into a dangerous location like that without any backup? If Carlos Solano found your missing man in a safehouse, do you think he won’t be armed to the teeth? That he won’t have guards patrolling the compound that you’re walking right into? That he won’t see something like this coming? You guys are walking right into a shitstorm.” Christ, you loved the guy like a long-lost brother that you sometimes kept in touch with but if he were in front of you right now, you would’ve delivered one good smack to the back of his head to get him thinking straight. Colter may know his way around a gun, but he wasn’t someone who had formal training or combat experience like Russell did. He didn’t even have your training and you wouldn’t be going in there kamikaze-style like they were.

“That’s why I’m calling you and asking you to meet us there. I’m not exactly calling in law enforcement but we’ll have one more person to watch our backs and help us search for Doug. And who better than a special agent with the FBI?”

You sat back in your chair, shaking your head but thinking it over. This was beyond stupid and you shouldn’t be encouraging it. Russell’s involvement in this idiot plan didn’t surprise you; Colter’s did. He knew better. But you also knew that if he thought he had a chance to get the missing guy back home safely, he was going to take it, no matter the personal risk. If you didn’t go like he asked and anything happened to him or Russell, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Please?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger, your decision made. “Send me the location and I’ll leave now to meet you.”

“Thank you.” You could hear the genuine gratitude in his tone. “I promise I’ll explain everything.”

“You better,” you nearly growled before disconnecting the call. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to tell you but for his sake, you hoped it wasn’t anything close to what you were thinking. But why else would Russell not want to call law enforcement for help in rescuing his friend who had been taken hostage by a foreign criminal? God, you hoped you were wrong.

You let out another loud sigh and before you could stand, your phone started ringing again. When you glanced at the screen, instead of a name, you saw “Blocked”. Not good.

You swiped green, holding it to your ear. “Y/L/N.”

“We have a problem,” said the voice on the other end, one you knew all too well, and it didn't sound happy. Shit.

You watched as Colter’s truck pulled up alongside your car. Colter got out and noticed you leaning against your trunk, arms crossed and a scowl in place. Russell came around from the other side.

“Either of you boys see two suicidal idiots around here? Oh, wait.”

Russell’s jaw tightened. “It wasn’t my idea to call you.” He slid a glare over to his brother.

“You’re lucky he did,” you snapped. “And since I’m here,” You got to your feet and turned to open your trunk, revealing a smorgasbord of gear and weapons. “We’re going to be doing this my way.” You held out a bulletproof vest to Colter first and he immediately started to strap it on. You held one out to Russell but he shook his head and didn’t take it. You glanced over to find he had already put his own on while you’d been grabbing one for his brother.

“Okay, look,” Russell started, his eyes scanning your makeshift armory and setting your teeth on edge. “This isn’t some FBI raid of some drug gang. This guy, Carlos Solano, he’s the real deal. He’s as dangerous as they come.”

You could feel your irritation turning into anger at the suggestion that you didn’t know how serious this was, and from him of all people. “And what am I? Some part-time mall security guard? A receptionist at the Academy? I’ve dealt with cartels before and they’re as dangerous as they come, too. So take that mansplaining and shove it right up where the sun doesn't shine.”

Russell took a step closer and laid a hand on your shoulder, his eyes burning into you. “Be pissed at me all you want but I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But you’re okay with your brother getting hurt?” You briefly glanced in Colter’s direction. The younger man was watching you two carefully as he adjusted his vest one last time, wisely choosing to stay out of this one.

Russell’s jaw clenched and he dropped his hand. “I’ve got him.”

You snorted and grabbed a gun, loading it quickly. “And I’ve got both of you. Now, we’ve got a bit of a hike so let’s cut the chit chat and get this over with, shall we?” You motioned for Colter to turn around and you inserted an extra handgun into the back of his belt. “We stick together as a unit. You hear me? No wandering off alone.”

Colter faced you again. “Yes, Mom,” he teased.

You swatted at his shoulder before checking the fit of his vest, nodding in approval.

“I have done this before, you know.”

You knew that already. You’d been there with him a couple of times for such instances. “Good for you,” you quipped. “But for kicks, how about you just humor me?”

He rolled his eyes and you smirked, turning to slam the trunk shut. You glanced up to find Russell watching you, his jaw still tight but his eyes containing a familiar light that you hadn’t seen in a while. “You good?”

“Yep.” And just like that, the light hollowed out, replaced by something far colder yet familiar, but not because you’d seen it in his gaze. You’d seen it often enough in your own when looking into the mirror.

Pushing that thought away and shifting focus, you began to lead the way into the trees. “Alright, let’s do this and get Doug home in time for breakfast.” Colter flanked you on your right while Russell came up on your left.

“Let’s rock and roll,” he agreed.

It hadn’t been as bad as you’d been expecting, even after you’d received the intel Colter had referred to on the phone. One guard and three henchmen. You were annoyed and almost insulted that they had presented so little a challenge considering Carlos Solano was supposed to be this big bad criminal. But when you glanced over and saw Colter looking over Russell’s bloody jacket sleeve, you regretted the thought and gratitude immediately filled you that things hadn’t been worse. Russell had taken a bullet to the arm and thankfully, it had passed right through.

Before you could shoot the bastard that shot him, Colter and Russell were on it. You watched in awe as the brothers moved as a single unit, almost as if they hadn’t been strained or missed a beat over the years. You supposed you should be happy that they were working together rather than still arguing over shit from a lifetime ago that had torn their family apart. For Colter’s sake at least.

Just then, you heard what sounded like a small plane outside. You hurried to a window and glanced outside, seeing a rapidly descending charter plane aiming for the tiny landing strip in the back of the property. Right on time.

You let the curtain fall and looked back at the guys. “Time to go.”

Doug’s face was ashen while Colter and Russell exchanged glances. Immediately, Russell picked up his gun and got ready to leave the room.

You rushed to stop him. “There will be none of that!”

“You guys get Doug back to the truck. I’ll handle this.”

You practically jogged around him, planting yourself in his path. “Not happening.”

He glared down at you. “Y/N, I need to close this up. Move.”

You scowled right back. “You’ve been shot.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I have to finish this.”

You refused to budge. “You are not finishing anything. You’re getting the hell out of here, that’s what you’re doing.”

“Y/N—”

“Guys, not the time,” Colter interceded. “He’s getting off that plane any second now, so what’s the plan?”

“She’s right, man,” Doug added, making both of your gazes snap over at him. “We really need to go.”

Voices suddenly sounded outside and you all glanced towards the window.

“Shit,” you muttered, quickly checking the chamber on your gun. As you were about to head out of the room, a hand grasped gently under your chin and forced your eyes to meet Russell’s. You could see the pleading there but also a stone-cold resignation. “Go with Colter and Doug,” he urged, giving you a brief but strained smile. “I need you to go.” You felt the rough skin of his thumb on your cheek as he moved it tenderly back and forth.

You knew what he was really telling you, what he planned to do, but hell if you weren’t more infuriated with him. You were so sick of the self-sacrificial bullshit. Hadn’t it cost you enough? Cost you both?

You pulled away from him, giving him a glare. “I don’t think you understand,” you said in a tone so cold you were pretty sure you could give the winds in Antarctica a run for their money. “I’m taking Solano in and I am not leaving until I have my suspect alive and in custody.” Russell looked pissed but you couldn’t care less. Better than him being dead in the next two minutes.

You turned to face Colter and Doug so they also got the message. “This case is under Federal jurisdiction now.” Colter glanced between you and his brother who you turned back to face. “I’m bringing him in. Got it?”

Russell went to say something but didn’t get the chance. The sounds of gunfire erupted right outside the room and you all had to duck for cover.

You secured your handcuffs around Carlos Solano’s wrists that had been forced behind his back once you shoved him into the chair in the room, purposely tightening the metal bracelets past the point of comfort. The man reacted, cursing you out as you smirked up at him.

Getting to your feet, you focused on the Shaws and Doug. Russell watched you with a glare while Colter waited for you to speak. Doug looked downright terrified. They had helped you to take down Solano’s men who had flown with him — all three of them. Russell aimed for Solano but at the last second, you got in his way and tackled the criminal to the ground. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy with you. Oh well. The feeling was mutual.

Colter placed his hands on his hips. “Alright, so how are we getting him back to the truck? Are we just going to drag him through the woods and hope we don’t come across anybody else he might have coming here? How are we going to work this?”

You slipped your gun back into your holster. “He doesn’t have anyone else coming here and the plan is that you three are going to head back to the truck and get out of here. I’m going to wait for a pickup,” You gestured towards the window with your thumb where the landing strip could be seen. “They’re nearby, waiting for my call, and they won’t take long to get here.” You shook your phone in your hand, indicating you were going to be using it.

Russell glanced around, as if expecting Agents to start popping up out of the woodworks at any second, before his eyes settled back on you. “So you called this in after all?”

You shrugged. “You were going into a fully armed compound to rescue a hostage, a two-man team against a crime lord on the FBI’s Most Wanted list? Yeah, of course, I did.”

He shook his head, chuckling and muttering a curse under his breath. “Of course you did,” he echoed, shooting a look over at his brother.

Colter’s gaze flickered back to you. “We’ll wait with you until they get here.”

You offered up a small smile. “I appreciate it but not necessary. I’ve got this until they get here and I do the handover.”

“But—”

“Look, you should get Doug out of here.” You inclined your head in the direction of the man who was staring dazedly at the floor. “You need to get him checked out and your brother should get his arm looked at.”

“I’m fine,” Russell interjected.

You ignored him. “I’ll be alright, Colter. Believe it or not, you tend to get experience with this kind of thing once or twice before becoming a Special Agent.” You meant it as a light-hearted reassurance but you could tell that both Shaw brothers were going to be a hard sell. At least Colter’s reasoning was up front and above board.

“I’m sure but I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone. Not with him.” Colter gestured towards Solano who spit in his direction.

“I won’t be for long. But you guys need to get out of here. The Bureau can’t know you were involved in this.” You shot him a meaningful look. “For multiple reasons.”

The younger man looked as if he was going to protest again when you held up a hand. “Colter. You may not like it but you need to do as I’m telling you. If the Bureau finds any of you here…” You could tell that he didn’t care so much about himself but you let your eyes briefly flick in Russell’s direction, who was busy glaring at the man you had bound to the chair. You saw Colter’s expression immediately change and you knew you had succeeded in convincing him to vacate the area as soon as possible.

He nodded his head in assent. “Okay.” He laid a hand on Doug’s shoulder, prompting the man to look up at him, and urged him to start moving to the door.

“Okay? What do you mean okay?” Russell huffed.

Colter held up a hand. “Russell—”

“No.” Russell turned a glare on you. “Not okay. He’s a loose end that needs tying up. He knows who we are now, he came after Doug, and the FBI isn’t going to do shit with him.” You narrowed your eyes in a glare but he continued. “That’s not an insult. It’s the truth and you know it. They’re going to what? Get him to talk, to roll over on someone else he has connections to who’s higher up their food chain, and he gets off scot free? No, not happening on my watch.”

He took a step forward and so did you, in front of Solano. You drew your gun but held it loosely across your waist, your finger on the trigger, ready and waiting should you need it. Russell stopped cold, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and the weapon in your hand. Colter and Doug were frozen, watching the scene unfold.

“I told you,” you said in the most deadly serious tone you could muster. “I’m taking him in, alive. If you have a problem with that, well…” You flipped the safety on the gun off. “You’ll have to go through me. And I promise you, my aim is a hell of a lot more accurate at close range than it’s ever been.”

Russell didn’t blink, he just kept scowling at you.

“Russ?” Colter called.

“Don’t make me kill you in front of him, Russell,” you murmured so only the two of you would hear. You were serious as a heart attack. No matter how you had felt about him once upon a time, this was important enough for you to make good on your threat if you needed to.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would and it will be justified by the higher ups as protection of a high-valued target before your body goes cold.” You hated saying the words but it was nothing but the truth that you spoke. You hoped he heard the message underneath your words: walk away, this isn’t worth dying over. “And he’ll be further traumatized,” you inclined your head in Colter’s direction. “Losing his brother right in front of him, just like he lost his dad.” You knew that was a severely low blow but he also needed to hear you.

As expected, Russell’s jaw clenched and you saw a twitch in the good arm he had, the one that was holding his gun. “Don’t be stupid and do that to him,” you warned. “Walk away.”

That cold look was back in his eyes again. You mentally prepared yourself for what was about to go down. You had hoped he wouldn’t force your hand but then again, Russell Shaw had always been the epitome of stubborn, usually to his own detriment…and yours.

“Russell?” Colter tried again.

“Russ, come on, man. Let it be for now,” Doug added in, trying to help. “And let’s regroup.”

This time, Russell appeared to hear them both, his gaze breaking from yours momentarily, flickering over Solano behind you, who was laughing and smirking in the former’s direction, clearly enjoying the standoff over him.

Russell’s eyes met yours again but this time, there was nothing familiar about the green you used to stare into when he’d sway with you on the dance floor to a slow song playing overhead or when you’d both wear matching sated grins and laugh, a pleasant exhaustion overtaking you as he pulled you into his arms in a motel bed. It was almost like staring into a dark void and you couldn’t help but wonder how often that void showed up during war or if the war created it — the old chicken or the egg question. Either way, you knew you’d succeeded in convincing him to leave, but you’d also have to watch yourself. There was no warmth left in those jade-colored orbs when they focused on you. You’d done your work well; you’d crossed a line that you could never go back from.

“Alright,” he capitulated, loud enough that the two men near the doorway heard him. He relaxed his arm and slipped his gun into a pocket in his vest. His face lightened a little and a strained smile worked its way across his face. He glanced back at his brother. “She’s right. We should get Doug out of here.” He turned back to face you, his smile fading. “She’s got this.” He then glanced in Solano’s direction, smirking right back. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, giving him a finger gun and winking, before his expression became stone once more and he walked away, glaring at you as he did.

You lifted your chin, not reacting in the slightest, until Solano shouted out, “You’ll be seeing me? No, puta, I’ll be seeing you. You’ll never see it coming, you hear me? You’ll never see it co—” You spun a few degrees and pistol-whipped him, causing the jackass to cry out in pain before you turned back to face Doug and the two most important men in your life. “Get going,” you growled out, lifting your phone with your other hand as a subtle threat.

Colter gave you a nod, the concern still there in his dark brown gaze as he led Doug out the door. Russell’s eyes never left you, even when he walked out the door a moment later, following his little brother’s lead. You never looked away even when he was past the threshold.

You ignored Solano’s yelling threats and kept your eyes on the spot you had last seen the Shaws disappear through a few minutes longer than needed, tense and ready in case Russell decided to double back. Though you highly doubted he’d come at you from the same angle. A part of you was making sure you stayed prepared in case there was an ambush, yes, but another part of you knew your gaze was lingering on the spot because you knew things had now drastically changed between you and Russell forever. He would never forgive your threats and you would never forgive yourself for having to make them. Though that remorse was more related to Colter than his brother. Regardless, when it came to the Shaws now, you were fucked. Not even Dory would want to hear from you, not that she had all that much before, but now it was definitely a no go. And that saddened you tremendously.

Hearing more of Solano’s threats, you recentered your focus on the task at hand and prepared to wait, giving him one more pistol whip for good measure, before you settled in and kept both eyes and ears open for any possible ambush that might come your way before you could finish up here.

You leaned against the workstation next to the chair, waiting, gun still in hand and your eyes focused on it. You had waited a certain amount of time to allow the boys to get out of the area.

“The soldado was right, you know. They’re not going to hold me,” Solano bragged.

You briefly closed your eyes in annoyance. He had been talking ever since you were left alone with him. He had offered you money to let him go, offered you riches and power that you knew for a fact he had no business offering. He even had the nerve to propose making you one of his new lieutenants, citing your fighting skills and gun handling that he’d briefly witnessed. He knew you would be able to protect him because you had from the asesinos who had killed his brother. He then changed tactics, threatening you, your loved ones, the men who just left…now, he was boasting about how he would walk free and whatever charges were thrown at him wouldn’t stick. You just wished he would shut the hell up already. Needless to say, it had been a long twenty minutes. You now understood why his brother had been the businessman and he was only the muscle willing to do the dirty work. His bargaining skills were for shit, not that it mattered in the scheme of things. No deals were being made today.

“I offer them a little bit of money and they’ll just make the case go away. Just like that.”

You checked your watch. Twenty two minutes now. That was good enough. You slowly got to your feet and moved past him to look out the window. You had purposely moved his chair out of the sight of the glass, in case Russell got any ideas.

“That’s how it works here in America. Everybody knows that. If the criminals have money and power, they don’t stay in jail.”

You ignored him, glancing around to see if there was any movement outside. You didn’t see any.

“They won’t keep me locked up. They weren’t able to in my home country. What makes you think they’ll be able to here? Where corruption is ripe and anyone can be bought? And then I’ll be coming for you and for your friends. You will wish for death long before I am through with you.”

You made your way to another window, lifting the curtain and looking around. Still nothing.

“There’s no point in bringing me to jail. It will never hold me.”

You lowered the curtain and squared your shoulders, turning to face his direction. You focused on him, staring right into his eyes. “You know, I think you’re right.”

Solano seemed pleasantly surprised for a moment, thinking you were finally stupid enough to take one of his offers, before his eyes narrowed with realization. “No, wait—”

You quickly lifted your gun and squeezed off a round. His head snapped back from the force and the space behind him was spattered with red among other things. One glance confirmed your aim had been accurate; he was dead. Right through the eye. What you’d said to Russell earlier hadn’t been an exaggeration; you were much more accurate at close range than you’d ever been.

You slipped a pair of gloves on that you pulled from your pants pocket and immediately started unzipping the small compartments on the side of your vest where you usually kept extra ammo in a raid, pulling out small white bottles that weren’t sporting any labels. You began to squirt the liquid from inside them all around the room, dousing Solano’s body with a healthy amount.

You continued into the house, having quite a few bottles of lighter fluid to empty out in specific areas that would help achieve your goal. Arson wasn’t your preferred route but it did get rid of pesky little things like hair and DNA, and what it didn’t, it contaminated which would make it harder for not only law enforcement but the justice system to work with. Though you weren’t too worried about either looking at this particular house fire too closely.

You didn’t bother collecting any bullet casings, knowing that your gun and the ones you’d given Colter to use would be untraceable even if they somehow managed to get a hold of any of the weapons (which they wouldn’t). And Russell’s gun…you figured he had that handled. The only thing you did collect were your handcuffs.

You also didn’t bother staging anything for the scene. There was already enough evidence that pointed to the theory that Solano’s own men had turned on him and a gunfight ensued, resulting in the multiple dead bodies. While an arson specialist would most likely be able to tell that an accelerant had been used, there was no way for them to confirm just who had been present for this battle and who had gotten away. Satellite imagery would be shoddy at best due to the foliage cover (and eventual smoke) but still, you planned to set the fire and make your getaway out the back, crossing over the landing strip so if they went back to look for any heat signatures after the fire started, it would be one person leaving the scene alive, the person they would assume had started the blaze. There were no nearby neighbors to immediately call first responders but that didn’t mean smoke wouldn’t be seen from the sky from miles away or that a fiery orange blaze in the distance wouldn’t be noticed by residents of another vacation home or cars traveling the backroads in the area. Since you planned to go into the deep woods and take the long roundabout route back to your car, you weren’t too worried about your path being followed.

Once you had completed all of your tasks, you used the fireplace to help, moving the grate out of the way, starting a fire, and then knocking a fiery log onto the wooden flooring. You used a lighter to set flammable materials that you could find to add to the flames. Only when the room was nearly engulfed did you finally slip a beanie from your pocket, cover your head fully, and make your way out of the house. Once at the landing strip, you ducked under the plane, making sure you couldn’t be seen from above.

You watched as the flames consumed the house. Once the smoke was sufficient, flames were ragings out of the windows, and the sound of breaking glass could be heard, you knew it was time for you to vacate the vicinity before the sirens started up. It was fortunate that most people were asleep at this hour but the sun was due to come up not too long from now and you had a long trek ahead of you, so you needed to get moving.

You kept your head down and made your way into the woods surrounding the property line.

The sun was breaching the horizon and quickly warming the sky by the time you made it back to your car. You were relieved that Colter’s truck was gone and you needed to quickly make tracks as well. Sirens had started up an hour ago and you needed to get the hell out of Dodge before the cops were all over these roads. You tossed your weapons and vest into the trunk and got in the car. You slipped your beanie off your head, tossing it onto the seat next to you, and started the engine.

Just as you had expected, cops were everywhere but thankfully, you had timed it just right and gotten out before they could block all of the mountain roads. Once you were back in town a few hours later and a certain distance away, you pulled a phone out of your glove compartment you kept there for emergencies and turned it on. You pressed a button and it immediately dialed the number programmed — the only number you had saved on this device.

It rang once before the same voice from yesterday picked up. “Is it done?”

“We’re clear,” you confirmed. “It’s been handled.”

“Shaw?”

Your jaw clenched. You knew that despite how you and Russell had left things earlier, you would do whatever it took to keep him breathing. “He’s a soldier. He follows orders.”

“He wasn’t so willing to follow orders in this situation.”

“You know what they’re taught. Leave no man behind. He got his man so he’ll be fine. Things can go back to how they were. He’s not going to be an issue and he’s clean, just like you wanted.”

And then you were asked the one question you didn’t want to hear. “And the brother? What’s your assessment?”

The knuckles of your free hand gripped your steering wheel so tightly that you could see how white your skin turned from the pressure. “Non-issue. He has no interest in you.”

“He seemed interested yesterday.”

You forced yourself to remain calm and nonchalant. “He’s paid to be nosy when someone goes missing so he can get them found. He found who he was looking for, he was able to keep the promise to the guy’s wife — it’s over for him. The case is closed, it’s as simple as that for him. He’s no threat.”

You waited to hear a response, holding your breath and your hand gripping the wheel even tighter, your body tensed. This would be what decided your fate. Either you would be allowed to go on as before or you’d be going on a mission up against one of the top private security contractor firms in the world which wouldn’t end well for you. But you’d take out whoever you could with you before you were killed.

Another moment passed before the voice replied, “Understood.”

Your body relaxed slightly and your shoulders sunk in relief. Colter was safe. Russell was safe…for now. And you didn’t have to go all Rambo Kamikaze on anyone. Win-win all around.

“I’ll let the higher ups know the situation has been contained. Good work. We’ll be in touch.”

Without waiting for a response from you, the call disconnected. You quickly shut the phone off and tossed it back into its original spot. You let out a deep breath and the exhaustion from the past twelve hours immediately overtook your body. Deciding that returning to your place was not an option for you right now, you headed to another part of town, parked your car on the street some blocks away to the nearest motel, and using a baseball cap to cover your hair along with sunglasses, you hoofed it and then booked a room, paying cash and using a fake name. Once you set up everything you needed to in your quarters, you slipped onto the mattress and got some much needed rest, keeping your gun under your pillow within reach should you need it.

You pulled up to Colter’s trailer, watching as he stepped outside to greet you. You put your car in park, took a deep breath, and got out. You offered Colter a small smile. “Hey.”

He returned it. “Hey.”

You had been surprised when Colter called you a few days later to let you know he was still in town for a bit and invited you to drop by for a beer. Not surprised that he was still around (you already knew that) but surprised that he even wanted to speak to you. Perhaps Russell hadn’t told him what you’d threatened back in the mountains.

You took the beer he offered to you and followed him over to the firepit, taking a seat on one of the coolers. He sat nearby and held up his bottle in a toast. You mirrored him and then you both took a sip. You nearly sighed in satisfaction as the carbonated beverage slid down your throat. You enjoyed the taste and checked the label. “Mmm, home brew…not bad. You got something you want to tell me? Planning on opening some sort of brewery outfit anytime soon?” You were teasing but if Colter really was thinking of doing something else — anything else — instead of his current job, you’d fully support it.

“Not me.” Disappointment flared in your chest, your hope dashed. “Russ was actually the one who made it. I had some left over from the other night.”

The beer suddenly began to sour in your stomach. Well, you supposed it was good that Russell was starting to think of the future, the most important part of that being that there would be one. It still burned a bit, though.

You decided to change the subject so you wouldn’t have to think about that right then. “So, your guy is back home safe?”

Colter nodded. “Dropped him off myself.” Something else you already knew but you had to keep up appearances.

You nodded, biting your lip and staring into the flames. “And your brother?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Colter’s jaw tense for a moment. “Gone.” Though you had an idea that was the case, Colter’s confirmation still stung, like someone poking a finger into an old wound after ripping the scar tissue away. But what else had you expected? This was Russell Shaw you two were talking about after all.

You snorted and shook your head, taking another swig of beer. “Of course he is.”

He turned to look at you. “You know, you never told me what happened between you two.”

You shrugged a shoulder. “Not worth going into, trust me.”

Thankfully, Colter left it alone and he rolled with it when you brought up a different topic instead.

“So, how much longer are you here for?”

“Teddi and Velma are working on that right now actually. Hopefully, something pops up soon.” He took another sip of beer, turning to gaze at the flames as well.

“It will.” Fortunately for him and sadly for others, someone would always go missing.

“How about you? Are they sending you somewhere for a new case or are they going to let you stay local for a bit? If it’s the latter, maybe you could get a dog for that place of yours?”

You smirked and ran your thumb down the smooth glass of the brown bottle in your hand. Colter kept teasing you about the residence you maintained nearby considering you were never really there most of the time. He’d then extoll the virtues of living on the open road, not having roots put down anywhere that would grow into expectations, and the unrestrained thrill of it all. The first time you’d had that conversation, you knew then that the desire to keep moving and stay unburdened must be a male Shaw thing. Dory seemed happy where she had settled and you — you wanted a home base. Some place you could come back to where you were still able to connect to yourself again, no matter how lost at sea you might be at times, no matter how much you felt as if every single piece of you was floating away on the wind until only a monster was left standing there, staring back at you in the rearview mirror of your car.

“Right now, I have a few things I need to close up,” you lied. “Then I’ll probably get sent out in the field again to work some cases.” You hated lying to him but you had no choice. His safety came first. As much as you had hated Russell for a time, you could now appreciate the difficult position he was in. Though, he had chosen to be put there, and now, so had you.

You watched Colter nod, accepting your answer. “I still think a German Shepherd would be a great choice for you,” he teased. “You know, a big dog, trainable, would make a good guard dog. You could take it with you, chase suspects down together...”

“Oh yeah, I could see it now,” you played along. “I’d have to sneak him into hotel rooms, make sure he doesn’t take a shit on the rug… Then we’d go on the job and I could introduce him to everyone, ‘I’m Special Agent Y/L/N but you can call me Turner and this is my partner Hooch.’”

Colter winced. “No, no. You have to give him a name that will strike fear into the hearts of the criminals you track down. Like General or Commando or Killer. Killer! Now that’s a good name. That will make anyone think twice about running from a dog with that name.”

This time, you were the one who winced though you hid it well. Instead, you forced out a laugh. “I am not getting a huge dog named Killer and bringing him to work with me.”

He grinned. “That’s a shame. I would have loved to have seen the look on your face when the dog would sit in the front seat.”

“There would be no front seat sitting. Back seat only.”

“Like a criminal who he just helped you to arrest? That’s cold, even for you.”

“I am so glad that you have this imaginary dog of mine’s back.”

He snickered and took a drink, looking back at the flames. Your smile slowly faded as you did the same. You both sat there, drinking in a companionable silence for a bit.

Eventually, your eyes flickered over towards him. “I need you to promise me something.”

His brows drew together questioningly when he met your gaze.

“Horizon…” You noticed him tense slightly at the mention. “No more.” When you saw the confusion in his expression, you elaborated. “No more digging, no more Reenie asking her contacts about them, no more mention of them period. You got the guy you were looking for. Now, put it to bed and forget that you ever knew they existed.”

His confusion increased. “I did put it to bed the second I dropped Doug off at his door and saw him hug his wife.”

You gave him a look. “Col, I need you to promise me,” you softly entreated.

His brows arched slightly at the use of the nickname; you didn’t use it often and if you were, then he knew you meant business. He also knew what you were telling him without explicitly saying it; Horizon was dangerous and they were better left alone. It would be better for him to get a case of sudden amnesia about anything related to the organization.

He watched you for a moment before giving you a nod. “As long as nobody else goes missing like Doug did and as long as Russ is okay, they’re forgotten.”

You knew that was the best you were going to get from him and you leaned forward slightly. “And if anything happens to Russ, I’ll be right there with you, knocking on their front door,” you promised. And you would be; no question about it.

The corner of his lips tipped up in the beginning of a smile and after a moment, you couldn’t help but return it.

The coffee shop you were in was decently quiet considering it was around 8:55 in the morning and most people were making their last minute dashes for caffeine before the working day began. You sat near the window, facing the entrance so you could keep an eye on who came in and out. You had ordered your usual, a soy vanilla latte, and you carefully sipped at the hot liquid. You scanned your phone for the day’s headlines, looking for any updates on the mysterious house fire that started in the mountains a few nights ago.

You knew you wouldn’t find any and sure enough, you didn’t. Someone was working overtime to squash the case from up above, just like you knew they would. You also knew that some local law enforcement officials didn’t buy the criminals-turning-on-their-boss theory and they actually thought the scene looked like a professional hit. Exactly what you figured would happen when accelerants had been found to be used at the scene. As much as you were sure the cops were looking to sink their teeth into something exciting to happen in those parts in however long, the bottom line was the case would get dropped and no one was going to care what happened to a violent criminal like Carlos Solano. The FBI would actually be relieved to remove one more name from their list, one more file from their desks. One more dangerous bad guy removed from the world that threatened American citizens as well as national security. No one was going to miss the murderous bastard.

You powered down your screen and placed your phone on the table, turning to glance out the window. That was when you saw him. Well, the reflection of him.

You watched as he walked towards you, still dressed in a ratty pair of jeans and old boots, wearing another t-shirt with a different musician on it while sporting an open button-up over it, and donning that old military style jacket. His eyes were intent on you and you had to wonder how he had gotten in without you seeing him. The answer was in the reflection of someone walking past him to get to the bathrooms in the rear of the cafe. There was no exit located near there, you knew that because this was a local spot of yours, so how did he… Shit.

Even though you watched him in the glass and he watched you back, you didn’t give anything away to alert him that you knew he was there. You started calculating in your head how many people stood in between you and the front door (your only exit at this point), how much force you would have to use to catch him off guard and knock him to the ground so you could make your escape, and how fast you would have to run to your car. You even had a moment to debate drawing your gun and your badge, and making a scene to get yourself out of this mess. But all of that proved to be for naught when he came to a stop near you and announced his presence by asking, “This seat taken?”

You slowly turned to face him, arching an inquisitive brow, but you eventually shook your head. His lips twitched into the beginning of a smirk and he took the seat across from you. His eyes were a lot lighter than they were the other day as they took you in. “Looking good, Y/N. Like always.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Really?”

He shrugged and reached for your coffee, taking the lid off. You hated it when he did this, the whole sharing coffee thing; now you would need to order another one…well, depending on how this impromptu meeting went. “What, I can’t tell my girl that she looks good?” He took a sip and made a face. “How do you still drink this crap? It tastes like foam mixed with shit.”

“And free garbage coffee from the lobby of the latest scuzzy motel you’re staying in doesn’t?”

“Hey, don’t knock it. They have real nice machines now and it tastes the way coffee should. Not like this bullshit.”

You watched as he grabbed a spoon, added some sugar, and began stirring the crap out of what had once been your perfect latte. You thought over what he’d said before. “I’m not your girl, Russell.” His eyes met yours. “I haven’t been for some time now.”

He finished stirring and removed the spoon, lifting the glass to take a sip. “You’ll always be my girl.”

You snorted and lifted a finger in the air to signal to the barista that you wanted another coffee. The kid gave you a nod and turned to make it. “Is that what you tell yourself when you’re hooking up with cheerleaders-turned-dental-hygienists in hot tubs?”

Russell pressed his lips together and looked appropriately chastised, not even bothering to deny it. “Colter told you. I should’ve known he would mention it. You two were always close like that.”

You didn’t confirm or deny that. There was no point in mentioning that Colter hadn’t been the one to tell you, not intentionally anyway. Instead, you leaned forward in your chair. “What do you want, Russell?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?” You snapped. You had been on edge, thinking he was here to either kill you or threaten you. Then him hitting on you and making that asinine and incredibly presumptuous statement bothered you more than you cared to admit. Not to mention he pissed you off when he took the latte you’d decided to treat yourself with after a few difficult days (without even asking you might add), knowing how that had irked you anytime he did it when you were dating. It was like the man was begging you to put a foot in his ass.

Russell glanced around briefly before removing something from inside his jacket. It was a folded up newspaper and he slapped it down in front of you. A picture of a burnt out structure stared back up at you with the headline reading above it “House Fire Claims 8 Lives, Sheriff Confirms Arson”. Your eyes met his and in that moment, you knew that he knew.

You refused to give it away just like that, though. If he wanted the truth, he’d have to work for it. He wasn’t getting anything for free, not from you, not anymore. You gave him a smirk. “Is this your way of telling me that you’ve finally learned to read, Russ? I’m impressed, really.”

Instead of being insulted, his eyes widened slightly. “You called me Russ.”

You sat back in your chair, pushing the newspaper away from you and prying eyes, waiting for the barista making his way over to you to deliver your coffee. “Slip of the tongue. Won’t happen again.” You smiled at the young kid in thanks when he placed the drink down in front of you and promptly slid your glass out of Russell’s reach. He saw it and immediately worked to smother a smile as the kid walked away.

“So, you got any more interesting tricks I should know about?”

Without any preamble, Russell said, “Solano’s dead,” the exact second you took a sip of your new coffee. If he was expecting any reaction to the news, he was in for disappointment when you didn’t give it.

“Yes, I heard. Quite unfortunate.”

“They’re all dead actually. Even that guard we subdued in the beginning.”

You remembered; you’d been the one to kill him after all. Once Russell and Colter got to their feet after knocking the guard out and started moving towards the house, you quietly pulled a knife and slipped the blade into the side of the man’s head. You’d cut his zip ties, removed them and the gag, and then caught up to the guys — all within seconds. You had made sure to move the guard’s body inside later, right before you’d started the fire, trying your best to get rid of any drag marks you’d left on the ground. You were there to clean up the mess, not leave witnesses, even if they had never seen any of you coming.

You nodded. “I know, I heard that, too. Is there a point here somewhere or can I get back to the nice morning I was having before you showed up to steal my coffee?”

Russell was the one to lean forward this time, lowering his voice even further. “You said you were calling in the FBI for a pickup. Who did you really call?”

You could tell he was trying to give you an out, an opportunity to explain that it wasn’t what he was thinking, and maybe you should have lied your ass off…but you no longer wanted to. You knew Russell; he wasn’t going to let this go until he had an answer that he deemed to be the truth. And while you could give him a distorted version of that truth that didn’t land at your feet, a petty part of you wanted him to know.

“Y/N?” He pressed. “Who did you call?”

You sat back in your chair, considering him for a moment before you spoke. “No one.”

Russell dropped his head, briefly closing his eyes. “Fuck, I was afraid of that.” He glanced up at you, his eyes full of a sadness you hadn’t seen in some time. You knew he wouldn’t be happy if he ever found out the truth, but not to this extent. “I told you to walk away and let me handle it.” His voice was softer, not as gruff as before. You realized then that you’d accomplished what that vindictive side of you had wanted all along, ever since the day he walked away; you’d hurt him and caused him pain. Pain that you could see clear as day lining his face right now. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. And quite frankly, that pain caught you off guard. After all of this time, this is what it took for him to feel even a sliver of what you’d felt back in the day when he’d left you bleeding, your heart torn from your chest and sitting in pieces on the floor he’d just casually walked over to get to the door?

Not really sure what to make of this development or the emotions it caused to rise up within you, you went into pure professional mode and forged ahead. “The three of you didn’t need to be involved.” You could see the pain getting worse and it made you uncomfortable, something prodding at your chest and itching at your skin that you really didn’t care for. “Besides, last I checked, I don’t take orders from you, Shaw.” You threw his last name in there as a last resort to put even more distance there between you.

His eyes flicked from the newspaper to you. “Who do you take orders from then? Something tells me this wasn’t FBI-sanctioned.”

You surreptitiously glanced around you before leaning in, lowering your voice.“You know, going to your handler’s house during her kid’s birthday party was a pretty bad idea. Ann really didn’t like that.” You watched as Russell’s eyes widened slightly before his face fell, a dreaded realization filling his expression. He had never mentioned her name to you before and he knew Colter hadn’t mentioned her to you either when giving you the rundown of what they knew before meeting up in the mountains. You sat back, tensed and ready for whatever came next.

His jaw clenched. “How long?” He ground out.

“Long enough.”

You kept your gaze trained on his and you did your best to read him, trying to assess what he might do, now that the pain was all but absent since your revelation. Would he tell you to watch your back and leave? Would he tell you to stay away from Colter for good? It was hard to gauge from the way he was staring at you right then. You could see anger bubbling underneath but you also caught something coming to the surface that strangely looked like remorse. Considering you hadn’t seen that emotion on him too often, it was tough to be sure in your identification of it. And then something flickered in his eyes right then, something so fast you almost didn’t catch it, but you did. Fear that quickly dissolved into determination. You braced yourself for whatever he would say or do; this was it. This would determine your next steps.

Instead, he surprised you once more. He snatched the newspaper up and slipped it back into his jacket, before reaching over and taking your hand in his. “I’m getting you out of here. Now. Let’s go.”

Stunned, you wordlessly got to your feet but then it hit you, you were about to go somewhere alone with him. Not that you couldn’t handle yourself but he had still been Special Ops once upon a time and he killed people for a living…just like you.

“Russell, I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” he growled. “I’m getting you as far from here as I can. I’ve got a buddy who has a cabin in upstate New York. It’s got months-long supplies, power and running water, and a small armory. You’ll be safe there until this whole thing blows over.”

You yanked your hand out of his and grabbed your phone and jacket. “I’m plenty safe here. I have no reason to run, so I’m staying. You want to leave? Go right ahead. We both know it’s what you’re best at.” The sadness was back but you looked away from it. Yes, that had been another low blow but it was also well-deserved. You moved past him, refusing to look over your shoulder even once. There was no way he’d do anything out in the open; he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially now.

You slipped into your car, not surprised in the least when Russell got in on the other side before you could even think about locking the doors.

“What are you doing?” You hissed.

“What’s it look like?” He clicked his seatbelt. “I’m staying with you until you agree to my plan to get you someplace safe or you explain how the hell this even happened.” He pulled out the newspaper, holding it up for a moment before tossing it to the floor. You could see the determined set to his jaw and you knew he meant it.

“Russell,” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I do not have time for this.” You blew out a quiet breath and turned to face him. “Now I suggest you get out of my car or—”

“You’ll shoot me?” He shot you a look. Yeah, he was still pissed about the threats you’d made a few nights ago. You supposed you couldn’t blame him but you did what you had to do to get him and his brother out of there. You had regrets but they were slim. “We both know you won’t.”

That infuriated you and had you seething. “You think I won’t?”

“I know you won’t. Just like I know that no matter how much you tell yourself that you hate me, you really don’t.”

You scoffed out a laugh in disbelief. “Wow, you really are incredibly delusi—”

“I also know you would never do that to my brother.” Your glare in his direction intensified. “You’ve always been protective of him. Just like me.” A glimmer of a fond smile worked its way onto his bearded face.

Your jaw clenched and you looked away from him, back towards the coffee shop you had just stormed out of, your grip tightening on your steering wheel. It was true; you’d always looked out for Colter in some way ever since you’d gotten to know him through Russell.

While the relationship between the brothers had been strained for years, it didn’t mean that there hadn’t been a couple of times where Dory hadn’t attempted to get them into a room together to try to fix what had been broken. In one such instance, Russell had brought you along, after shocking you by asking you two nights before to accompany him. The man had spent over a decade in the military, worked Special Ops, and there wasn’t much he was afraid of, if at all. But when you were wrapping leftovers to throw into the fridge and he’d laid a hand on your shoulder, turning you to face him, you’d never seen Russell Shaw look so worried, vulnerable, and damn near terrified in all of the time you’d known him. You’d even felt it when he’d enfolded you into his arms and whispered into your ear that he was due to meet up with his family in the next two days, asking you to come with him. How could you say no to that? You knew of the family’s tragic history and the simmering tensions that still existed between the Shaws who were still alive; Russell had told you everything, even about how his mom had hung him out to dry (though he made excuses for her which made you grind your teeth). And for him to ask you to go, to meet his family, you knew then just how important this was for him. So you went, squeezed his hand in silent support whenever he appeared to need it, and did your best to provide distraction whenever things got a little too tense or heated. Dory didn’t care for you too much; you got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t happy Russell had brought an interloper to a family-only discussion. But Colter…Colter you got along with from the start.

Colter seemed happier to talk to you than his brother and you could tell that bothered Russell tremendously. He had told you once how much he missed his siblings at times, especially his little brother, and he would never stop hoping to patch things up with them one day. Sure enough, he tried to interject into the conversation a few times with you helping as much as you could, but each time Colter shut him down. It was blatantly obvious that the younger man wanted nothing to do with him and there was definitely some resentment still floating around after years of estrangement. Needless to say, things hadn’t ended well at that dinner and you weren’t surprised that Russell drank a little heavier that night. Nor were you surprised when he grasped at you in the hotel room and pulled you to him, his lips claiming yours as he began unbuttoning your shirt and moving you towards the bed. You knew he was hurting and you let him take solace in you as you whispered loving assurances in his ear.

After that, Colter surprised you by calling you a couple of months down the road, apologetically asking for your help on a case he had picked up. Though he didn’t know you well, he was in a rough spot and needed a helping hand, particularly a Federal one. You saw the opportunity for what it had been, an opening of a possible door between him and Russell, so you took it. You helped Colter as much as you could without risking being read the riot act by your superior, and you two got to know each other better as you worked together. It happened a few more times and you had even called Colter in to assist on a case of your own that you had snagged. You had gone for beers afterwards each time and you’d tried your best to talk to him, to convince him to give Russell a chance. He hadn’t been interested, was resistant to it even, but he liked you and he was starting to trust you a little more each time. He’d even reluctantly admitted once that he was glad his brother had you, immediately following up with “He better be treating you right, though.” You had simply smiled and assured him that Russell very much was.

You didn’t mention the odd absences a few times a month (sometimes with little to no warning), the radio silence during these stints, and the avoidance of any penetrating questions upon his return — all of it that had become conditional to your relationship by that point. And Russell certainly wasn’t happy at all to find out you’d been working with Colter once you told him. You both had arguments before like any common couple but nothing like this. You had never seen him so angry and he’d laughed when you told him he had no need to be jealous if that was what he was worried about, you loved him and you were trying to make things better for the both of them, to pave the way for him to be able to make peace with his brother.

“You just don’t get it.”

He had shaken his head and glared over at you before he walked out of the room, away from you. From then on, Russell became even more secretive, distant, and cold as ice. Gone was the easy affection, heart to heart talks, and playful banter between you. Gone were the tender touches, gentle kisses, and passionate sex. The love of your life turned into a stranger right before your very eyes. It hadn’t been too long after that when he’d left for good, leaving your heart shattered on your hardwood floor. As time passed, you were surprised he hadn’t just packed up and left in the middle of the night while you were sleeping, without a single word to you and completely ghosting you, since he had been intent on leaving you in his past. It might have been kinder actually compared to the things he’d said to you as a final goodbye before walking away for good.

So whenever you had dared to think back on it over the last few years, you’d always figured the fight over Colter had contributed in some way to the rapid unraveling of your relationship. Well, that fight and…other things.

“Let’s go somewhere we can talk,” Russell urged, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Come on, Y/N, you owe me that at least.”

You turned the most menacing glare on him that was possible for you to give someone. “I don’t owe you shit,” you bit out. How dare he say that? To you of all people?

His jaw tightened and after a moment, he agreed with a soft nod. “Fair enough.”

You broke away from his intent gaze a minute later, your decision made as you turned the car on. “You know what? If this will get you out of my life for good this time, then fine. Let’s talk. And don’t be so sure I won’t shoot you afterwards should you continue to piss me off. You’re right, I do care about Colter,” You scowled over at him. “But not that deeply.”

Russell matched your scowl but wisely kept quiet as you backed your car out of your parking spot. You felt an immediate surge of guilt for having said that about his younger brother. You did care about Colter, more than you would ever admit to anyone, even your ex. There was nothing remotely romantic between you two; there never had been and there never would be. But Russell had been right; you were protective of him. Not only because he was a good man but he also reminded you of someone you had lost long ago. You would bend over backwards to keep him safe (as safe as you could given his chosen career), even if it meant putting yourself in harm’s way. He had truly become like a brother to you.

But you had also meant what you said just now. If Russell continued to irritate you, there was no way he was leaving this time without you putting a bullet in him. Right in his ass before the door could hit it when he turned his back on you for the last time. That or a good old fashioned ass kicking in the form of your right hook. After everything he’d done, he deserved nothing less.

You pulled up to a local motel that you had booked a room at the last few days, in case you needed to close up shop and haul ass out of town quickly. It wasn’t the same establishment you had gone to the morning of the fire and you still had your place thirty minutes away, but you had learned it was always best to prepare for any eventuality. Especially after a job needing to be done so close to home. You had seen what happened with Doug; who was to say Horizon wouldn’t leave you out to dry, too, should the heat from the fire get a little too close?

You got out and headed over to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside, not looking back to see if Russell was following you. Neither of you had spoken on the ride over (which was probably for the best) and you didn’t glance at him once. Instead, you had done your damndest to tamp down the fury you felt racing through your veins as more and more memories played out in your mind. Now that Russell had a vague idea of the truth of what you had been doing all of this time, everything you had ever wanted to say to him seemed to be trying to rush to the surface as well as all of the pain you had endured.

You slipped your suit jacket off and tossed it onto the bedspread. You heard the door shut behind you and you spun around, seeing Russell’s eyes scanning the room, stopping on the bed, and then lifting to you. You scoffed and unbuttoned the sleeves of your blouse, rolling them up to your forearms. “Not happening so don’t even think about it,” you hissed.

“Wasn’t going there.”

You didn’t believe him. “Right.” You took a seat at the table and impatiently gestured to the seat across from you. “Well?”

He sat down and without missing a beat, dove right in. “How the hell did this even happen, Y/N?”

“Really? That’s what you’re starting out with?”

Russell shot you a look.

You let out an aggravated sigh and sat back in your chair, crossing your legs and getting comfortable. “I was recruited, not too long after you left.”

His jaw dropped. “They approached you?”

Nodding, your jaw tightened thinking back to that time. It wasn’t a memory you liked revisiting. You were at your lowest, Russell having just walked out like the four and a half years you’d spent together hadn’t meant a damn thing to him. He had been it for you. You had put everything you had into the relationship, which proved to be a difficult balancing act sometimes between your career at the Bureau and Russell’s job that he wouldn’t tell you too much about. You both had overcome so much together…all for him to tell you that he simply didn’t love you anymore, give you a shitty apology, and walk right out the door years later. Like you had simply been an amusing distraction, nothing more. Like you had merely been a stopping point in his journey and now he was bored and moving on. The breakup would’ve hurt regardless but the cold detached manner he’d spoken to you with caused more pain than you would have ever been willing to admit. It was a good thing you had already become a Special Agent by then, not stuck to any one location or field office, given how often you were hungover for some weeks there. You had attempted to track him down (which hadn’t been easy) to try to talk to him, to make him see reason; you didn’t believe that he had stopped loving you just like that. But when you had finally located him, he had been holed up in a dingy motel, similar to this one, but he wasn’t alone. That had hurt beyond words and it had taken everything for you not to say anything, not to let him see you, and turn back around, heading home with your tail between your legs and your head hanging in heartbroken defeat.

None of it made sense to you. How had your life changed so drastically in a single day? Perhaps you had never really known Russell Shaw. Perhaps you only saw what he wanted you to see. But when you replayed the last few weeks of your relationship, even the fight over Colter, something still wasn’t jiving. So you buried yourself in work during the day and as deep into the bottle as you could during the late nights. Until they showed up.

“And you said yes?” He asked in disbelief.

Your eyes flicked to Russell, narrowing. “Why not? You did.”

He pressed his lips together. You had him there and he knew it. “That was different.”

“How?” You snapped. “Exactly how is that different, Russell?”

“I joined them long before you and I met.” Yeah, you knew that now. You knew everything he hadn’t told you the time you’d been together, minus the actual details of the off the books missions he went on. You now knew why Doug had never told Tracy anything either. Not only were they not allowed to, but It was safer that way.

“Well, bully for you, Shaw. You’ve got a few years on me at being a black ops agent and you’ve racked up a few more bodies than I have. Told way more lies, too. Congrats. Do we get you a cake or…?”

He leaned forward, covering your hand with his. “Stop. Just…talk to me,” he pleaded gently.

You hated it when he did that because you hated that it still affected you on some deep level. You rolled your eyes and moved your hand from underneath his, placing it in your lap. “They approached me about six months out from when you left.”

“Who approached you?”

Yeah, you weren’t giving him that. If you did, you knew he’d be on their doorstep in a second and that you couldn’t have. Not after you had just cleaned up the Solano mess and smoothed things over. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.” You knew that, could see it in his expression, but too bad. You both were in it now, had signed NDA’s, and details like that were meant to stay confidential anyway.

“Someone did and that’s all you're getting.” You gave him a meaningful look. “Regardless, they offered me a job and I took it.”

You watched as Russell’s features tightened. “And the FBI thing?”

“Still active, though I’m now kept more as an ear to the ground, providing information and cleanup when need be.” You noticed a slight wince cross across his face. “They’re the ones I answer to and they’ve chosen to keep me there for the time being. I’m more effective in that setup.” Those words from your handler still burned you but over time, you had been able to adapt and utilize their refusal to fully bring you in to your advantage.

“And Solano and his men? Were they cleanup?”

You didn’t break away from his penetrating gaze and gave it to him straight. “You and Doug made quite a mess of things. So, yes, I was called in to clean it up.” He briefly closed his eyes in the same pain you had seen earlier, though you couldn’t fathom why. It had been nearly three years since he’d last professed to give a shit about you. Why would this even affect him? “Horizon wanted you kept clean and Doug was on his own. Then you idiotically showed up at Ann’s residence, not only tipping them off to the fact that you were sniffing around where you shouldn’t have been but then you allowed Colter to threaten them. You had to know that was going to ruffle quite a few feathers and put a target on your backs.”

His jaw clenched again and that dark void was back in his gaze. His fingers twitched near his phone and you knew he was itching to call his brother to check on him. “And they sent you to clean that up, too?”

You slowly shook your head. “No.” If they had, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Most likely, you’d be dead while Colter and Russell would hopefully be on the run or have gone into hiding. “Only to assess what threats you both posed to the organization.”

“And what was your assessment?” He watched you carefully. In this moment, you weren’t former lovers. You were two people with lethal skills and training, willing to do whatever it took to keep your loved ones safe, even from each other.

You never broke away from his gaze, watching him back just as carefully. “What do you think?”

He stayed quiet for a moment, looking pensive and most likely turning your words over in his mind. You weren’t going to say it but knowing that gnawing feeling of constantly worrying about someone you cared deeply about, you wanted to make sure you both were on the same page of this topic. “And, Russell, if they had sent me for that, I never would.” His gaze immediately met yours. “Ever,” you promised.

His eyes roamed over your face, most likely assessing if you were bullshitting him or telling the truth. Obviously having decided on the latter, after a minute or so, he gave you a nod. “How do you know they accepted your assessment, though? There’s no way they don’t know about you and Colter, you and me…”

This time, your jaw was the one clenching. Yeah, you were made aware of that fact when you had been approached for recruitment. That was how they knew about you, your career as a Federal agent, and how you had been involved with Russell once upon a time. When you found out more about Horizon from the inside, it didn’t surprise you one bit how deeply they dove into the background of their candidates or the amount of information they gathered on them. You’d even helped put together a few files yourself, without fully knowing what unit the candidates were being considered for of course. They kept a close watch on their assets and that was putting it lightly.

So when you got involved with Russell, completely oblivious to what you were really getting into, Horizon had already scoped you out as well as Colter, Dory, their mother, Bobby, Reenie, Teddi, Velma — everyone. Even Colter’s on-again/off-again, Billie, and the mysterious circumstances of the death of the boys’ father. They knew it all. Horizon didn’t like surprises and you supposed you couldn’t blame them considering their line of work, but it also meant that you and everyone you cared about needed to be extra careful.

It was one of the many reasons you couldn’t completely forgive Russell, though you now understood why he’d walked out when he did. Things had unraveled so badly between you that you’d started quietly digging into Horizon, not trusting what Russell had told you prior. Back then, you thought you’d find only what Russell had claimed: private security, perhaps a couple of Special Ops situations where an American hostage was retrieved in another country, or worse: he was lying to you and having an affair. Now, you knew he had told you the truth — a very scrubbed, limited version of the truth that omitted most of what he really did for the outfit. You remembered what he’d told you about a week and a half before he left.

“You need to stop digging.”

You looked upon him with confusion. One minute, you had been having a very tense and silent dinner where you could only hear forks scraping against the plates every so often, and the next, Russell was glaring over at you, speaking cryptically. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You need to stop looking into Horizon and leave it alone. I mean it, Y/N. Let it be.” His eyes bored into you with warning before he got up from the table and took his plate into the kitchen, leaving you to finish your meal alone.

Normally, you wouldn’t have listened, determined to get to the bottom of Russell’s mysterious employer, but considering how your relationship was hanging by a thread at that point, you did. Despite the warning bells going off in your head, you did as exactly as he said: you let it be.

You suddenly remembered Russell’s question to you. “You’re still breathing, aren’t you?”

Russell affected a slow nod, thinking it over. “And Colter?”

“I told them he’s no threat,” you murmured. “I talked to him, told him to forget they exist. He agreed as long as you were safe.”

For the first time since this conversation started, you could see Russell start to relax a bit, relief saturating his features. Even a small smile started to light up the tension in his face. While you could understand the feeling, share it even, something about it had you on your feet, walking over to the small refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water from the six pack you had tossed in there when you booked the room. You held one up in an offer but Russell shook his head.

“I’m good.”

You shrugged, unsurprised, and twisted off the cap, taking a drink. It made sense that he was still being cautious. Before you knew it, though, he was standing in front of you, that pleading yet determined look in his eyes again.

“I want to get you out.”

You snorted. “There is no getting out, Russell. Not for me, anyway. Not until they’re done with me.”

He took a step closer and gently took the water bottle from you, placing it on the counter, and grasped your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “There’s always an exit strategy,” he murmured. “I never wanted this for you, Y/N. I only ever wanted to keep you safe. That’s why I left.”

Yeah, you knew that now, too. “I know that now. Why you wouldn’t tell me certain things about your job, but, Jesus, Russell. Did you really think they didn’t already know about me and who I was to you? Colter even? Dory? Your mom?”

He let out a deep sigh and hung his head, letting your chin go. “I know. I… It was a good fit for me at the time, the money was good — that’s why I hooked Doug up with them. But seeing how they hung him out to dry at the first opportunity and now you,” He tenderly ran his thumb along your cheek. “I’m seriously starting to rethink that decision.”

You pulled away from him. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t unring that bell.” You made your way back over to the bed and yanked your duffel bag from underneath it. You unzipped it and began rooting through it to make sure you had everything you needed for a quick getaway. You didn’t think you needed to go anywhere but now this location was blown for you since you had made the decision to let Russell know about it. You had already triple checked your stash when you left it here upon check-in but you needed something to focus on instead of the clear regret in Russell’s face. “And as for me, I made my decision.” You pulled out a gun from a secret compartment, checked the clip to make sure it was full, and slipped it back inside. “I’m good with it. I’ve used it fully to my advantage and I make good money, more than I was ever going to make at the Bureau, even if they fast-tracked me to Deputy Director. Solano was on our Most Wanted List for twenty six days and I took him out in one. Had he possibly gone free, there’s no telling what he would have done, who he would have hurt besides Doug.” You knew exactly what he would have done and who he would have hurt; he’d told you in explicit detail. You didn’t go into it but Russell wasn’t stupid (not when it came to things like this anyway). He most likely knew as well. He’d wanted to close up Solano as a loose end himself after all. “That kind of cleanup I can more than live with.”

Russell carefully approached, his eyes on the second gun you had pulled out and were checking. “I get that and I more than appreciate what you did with Solano. For Doug, for Colter and me.” Once you slipped the weapon back into its pocket, he laid a hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look over at him. “You can’t tell me, though, that this is what you want for your endgame. Not really.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “I don’t have an endgame, Russell. Maybe I did once but you took that the second you walked out the door, acting like everything we’d gone through meant nothing to you, like I meant nothing to you.”

There was that remorse again and you despised it. “I’m sorry, I…handled that badly,” he admitted.

“Handled it badly?” You laughed in disbelief. You shirked his hand off of you and moved to the night table, yanking the drawer open to rip out the bible sitting in there. You opened it to the area you had cut out to hold emergency cash and cards, just like Russell had taught you once upon a time. “You told me I’d been nothing to you but a fling for the past four years, that you might have loved me once but you didn’t anymore. That I was…how did you put it? A fun distraction.” You slammed the bible shut and tossed it back into the drawer before closing it. You hurried back over to the bag, throwing the funds inside another secret compartment, more than done with this conversation.

“You’re right, I fucked up. I only said those things to—”

“Cut the cord, yeah, I know. Still doesn’t make it right,” you muttered, roughly zipping the duffel back up.

“I wanted you to be safe. You were digging into them, even after I told you not to! And worse, you were pulling Colter into it!”

That quickly got your attention and you spun on your heel, jabbing a finger in the air at him. “Don’t you fucking dare lay Colter at my feet. Especially after what you just pulled last week. It wasn’t me hauling him into Doug’s case! Not to mention, way before you met me, the minute you took that job, you put everyone you knew on their radar and you know it! So don’t you fucking dare. I have been doing everything I can to make sure Colter is safe and doesn’t pull their attention, poring over every case he takes in the background to ensure they’re not involved or have any vested interests that are. Hell, I even just used a contact of mine to float a case over to Teddi and Velma to get him out of town and far away from here to continue keeping him safe. Me, Russell! Me! And what did you do to keep him safe? You blow back into town and not only put him even more on their radar, you deliver him right to their goddamn doorstep! So don’t you dare even try to put that on me,” you finished in a snarl.

Shame lurked at the corners of his eyes and you scoffed in disgust, whirling around to grab your jacket from the bed before picking up the duffel bag and slinging the handle over your shoulder. “So glad we had this talk,” you sniped. “Now go have fun with the cheerleading dental hygienist or Reenie,” You could see more shame looking back at you. Unlike the hot tub conquest, Colter had actually told you about that one. You could tell how much it was bothering him and you knew he wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, knowing it wasn’t something you really wanted to hear. “Or that bartender you holed up with three weeks after you walked out on me,” Now you could see surprise; you could care less. “Or whoever you want. But me? I’m done. Have a nice life, Russell Shaw, and try not to get killed before you get out to start your little brewery operation. Oh, and try to manage not to get your brother or me killed in the process, yeah? Thanks ever so much. See ya.”

You were walking towards the door when you were grabbed and whipped around. Before you could react, Russell was on you, his mouth covering yours and his hands gripping your face. “I love you,” he breathed against your lips after breaking away to let you catch your breath. “I’m sorry I said what I did back then but it wasn’t the truth. It took everything I had to walk away but as long as you were safe, that was all that mattered to me. I fucked up and I am sorry. I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Not ever.”

He wiped at your cheeks and you hadn’t even realized you’d been crying. Shit. Well, that was embarrassing. Even more embarrassing was how much you wanted to believe him. You knew he was telling the truth about why he walked away, how he wanted to keep you safe, but it obviously hadn’t been as difficult for him to move on as it had been for you. “No, you don’t,” you choked out. “If that were true, you would have never walked out that door.” Your voice wobbled on those last few words and you hated it, hated how vulnerable you were being to him right now.

You wiped at your own cheeks and turned around, ignoring the pleading you saw once again in his eyes.

“Y/N, please,” he ground out.

You kept moving towards the door. As you laid your hand on the door handle to turn it, you were whipped around one more time and he was kissing you yet again, your back pressed up against the wood. Except this time, you finally threw in the towel and gave in to what your damaged heart had been wanting all of this time. You buried your fingers in his hair and kissed him back just as passionately, not caring that more tears rolled down your cheeks as you did. He yanked the duffel bag from you and let it fall into a heap on the floor before lifting you up and turning to carry you over to the bed. You knew this was going to hurt like hell later but you refused to put a stop to it. You’d find a way to numb the pain when it ripped you open a second time, just like you always had.

The only thought running through your mind as he laid you down and ripped your blouse open, sending buttons flying everywhere, was that you had been right. You knew the bastard had been lying earlier when you’d caught him looking between you and the bed. But right then as he lifted away from you to quickly shed his top layers and then dove back down to kiss you again and melt into you, your fingers greedily relearning every inch of his bare skin, you couldn’t care less.

You reached your hand over, tenderly running a finger along the edges of the bandage on Russell’s arm. “Does it hurt?” You murmured.

“A little.” He turned his head to smile down at you. “More than worth it, though.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his chuckle at you gently pushing his head away, and turned onto your back. Russell embraced you with his other arm, pulling you into him. You rested your ear against his bare chest, hearing his steady heartbeat and settling your gaze on the ceiling above you. He pressed a kiss to your head, letting his lips linger against your hair, as his thumb rubbed your shoulder back and forth.

After a few minutes of content silence between you, you put voice to the question resounding in your mind. “How did we get here, Russell?”

“Well, you drove us over and then we—”

You softly swatted his chest, making him laugh and hearing the sound reverberate underneath your ear. “You know what I mean.”

“I wish I knew the best way to answer that, “ he whispered to you. You could hear the genuine regret in his tone and it made you start thinking about when you both would have to leave this motel room, and go back to the separate lives you had been living. Memories of lazy mornings like this back when you had been together, of you listening to his voice in your ear and knowing you were safe and loved, replayed in your mind on a loop. You would never admit it to him but you missed this, missed him. Nothing had felt right in the last couple of years like this moment here did. If anything, all of that time felt like some weird drug-induced nightmare, and you had just woken up to find Russell here next to you, nothing having changed. But that wasn’t true; everything had changed.

Not wanting to think about that just yet, you picked up the hand that had been caressing your shoulder and studied the skin of his wrist. “This is new.” You trailed your finger along the design of the tattoo sitting there. “What prompted you to get this one?”

“That’s something Doug and I got one night when we met up with another one of the guys from our unit when he was in town. Tommy Laird. Good man.”

“A crown?”

Russell shrugged underneath you. “Tommy picked the design.”

“‘We three kings’, huh?”

You heard him chuckle. “Never thought of it like that but sure.”

“Is he also a part of Horizon?”

You felt him tense underneath you at the mention of the dark and deadly elephant in the room. “No. He, uh, he lives with his wife and three kids in North Carolina. They have a house in Cary and he went back to the family business when he got home.”

You nodded and pulled his wrist to you, placing your lips on his skin and tenderly kissing the middle of the design before letting him go. He hugged you closer to him and placed a kiss to your ear in turn, letting out what sounded like a contented sigh.

A moment later, he murmured. “I want to help get you out.”

You nearly rolled your eyes again. You wanted to ask him why he was dead set on thinking that you even wanted out. Perhaps the you he had known would want a way out, want something more out of life than money and secrets and cleanups, but you had changed a lot in the last three years. But you knew if you posed that question, it would shatter the cocoon you currently found yourselves in and you weren’t ready for that to end just yet. So instead, you reminded him of another angle of the truth. “That’s not possible. Not the way you’re thinking. You know that.”

“Anything’s possible.” You nearly smiled at his response; there was the stubborn streak that sometimes infuriated you and sometimes endeared you to him, like right now. But you needed to make sure you maintained a reality check for the both of you. You knew what he was really thinking.

“Even if it was, we can’t.”

His head lifted and he frowned down at you. “Why not?”

“This isn’t some Mr. and Mrs. Smith shit. We don’t get a happy ending,” you finished sadly, thinking back to the life you once shared together as you cupped his cheek and rubbed it gently with your thumb. “Not together. It’s too dangerous.” You left it at that but you knew that he was more than aware of what you meant.

His frown intensified at your words and he covered your hand with his, turning to place a kiss into your palm. “We’ll work it out.”

“Russ,” you sighed.

He gently grasped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking into your eyes. “We’ll work it out,” he softly repeated, that glint of determination back in his gaze.

You decided once more that you wouldn’t bother launching into the many reasons it actually wouldn’t work out and you would refrain from popping that bubble he had just wrapped you both in. That moment would come later. But for now, you continued to keep silent.

When he noticed you weren’t going to say anything, a mischievous smile began to form on that handsome face you loved. “You know, I don’t really have anything planned for today. How about you?”

Other than some paperwork you had to go over later, your day was pretty much free, too. Even if it hadn’t been, you knew that look and after this morning, despite still having some unresolved anger with him, despite things that still needed to be said between you, you would have freed up your schedule immediately. “I don’t think I’ll be missed for a while,” you teased.

He leaned in to kiss you, whispering to your lips, “Oh, you were missed. Very much fucking missed.” The impishness you had heard a moment before was now absent but he never gave you a chance to respond. Instead, he kissed you deeply and began moving to cover your body with his once again. He maneuvered himself in between your thighs, your legs automatically coming up to gently cradle his hips. “Your arm,” you broke away to warn him.

“Don’t care.” He lowered down to keep kissing you and surprisingly (or unsurprisingly perhaps), all was right in the world right then. You didn’t allow yourself to get swept away by it or by the fantasy of something that would never be. Sadly, the time for you and Russell to be together had come and gone. You’d had your chance and you both had blown it, with him starting you out of the gate. This right here, this was all that was left — like embers of a dying fire. You would always love him, you knew that (truthfully, you had always known it), but this was all you would ever have. Once you both walked out that door, you would be walking in separate directions, taking different paths in your lives, no matter what Russell would say.

But for right now, you allowed yourself to live in the moment, to enjoy it as he groaned into your mouth when your hand helped guide him to where you both wanted him to be. You held onto him as he began a slow movement within you, knowing you would need to take over again very soon when his left arm began to tremble. But until then you kept him close to you, drank deeply of him, and reveled in what the two of you had always managed to create together, content to keep Horizon and the rest of the world on the other side of the motel room door, if only for a moment longer.

A/N: I know I left some things open and unresolved. I wanted to do that to let this be a gateway to the continuing story in the short series coming titled "Closer".

Please let me know what you think. 😊

#russell shaw x reader #russell shaw x female reader #russell shaw x you #russell shaw x y/n #russell shaw #russell shaw fanfiction #tracker fandom #jensen ackles character #jensen ackles

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lupinmoonlight · 2 days

Text

No thoughts. Just Remus.

Masterlist AO3

Summary - You and Remus can't get enough of each other. Obviously, he ends up bending you over his desk in his quarters, incidentally taking your virginity. As Remus walks you back to your common room, you walk into Professor McGonagall, who seems to know too much, but decides to ignore it for her own sanity. Back in his quarters, Remus makes a mortifying discovery when a familiar someone pops up in his fireplace (2,341 words). Warnings - teacher/student relationship, desk sex, getting caught, marking, my grammar, loss of virginity, smut, not proof-read, english isn't my first language. Notes - Hey guys, it's me from the depths of academia. I am traveling for a conference tomorrow. I have to drive 3h, yet here I am writing smut. I just really had to get this silly little scenario out of my head. I don't even know what this is. I just had to write it. I love the idea of Remus wearing a bathrobe with his initials on it lol.

A soft flurry of wings caught your attention as you sat in the Great Hall, desperately trying to focus on that stupid Potions essay, and tiny owl swooped down, a small rolled parchment clutched in its talon. The note was short and to the point: "My quarters. Now."

The elegant handwriting that you recognized as Remus' sent a delicious shiver down your spine. It was unlike your usual, careful exchanges. This didn't feel like just another stolen moment; this was him throwing caution to the wind, and you were more than happy to indulge.

You looked around, making sure no one noticed, and then bolted up from your seat. Professor Lupin's quarters. Now.

Reaching his door, you barely rapped your knuckles against it before the door flew open, revealing a tense Remus. He grabbed your wrist, pulling you inside with surprising force. He slammed the door shut with his foot and warded it with a quick flick of his wand.

"Remus-" you began, but before you could finish, you were lifted from the floor, Remus' lips crashing against yours in a hungry, desperate kiss. He carried you over to his desk, parchment and quills scattering to the floor as he set you down, never breaking the kiss. You clung to him, your fingers digging into his back as your body arched instinctively into his.

Remus groaned into the kiss as your legs hooked around his waist. He pulled away slightly, both of you out of breath, and whispered against your lips, "I can't get enough of you."

His lips trailed down your neck, nipping at the soft skin there. You let out a needy whimper, a sound that undid him completely. He felt a primal, possessive need to make you his. The urgency of his movements surprised you. He was always so reverent, only allowing a few pecks here and there, a lingering touch. But now, he was devouring you, and it was all you wanted. No thoughts. Just Remus.

"Remus," you whispered.

"Y/N," he responded, his voice deep and husky. "I need you. Now"

You could feel the heat radiating off him, the hard ridge of his length pressing against you through your clothes.

"Please, Remus. Please," you pleaded in a shaky breath. "Please."

That plea shattered any self-control Remus had been clinging to. With a ragged breath, he pulled back and spun you around, pressing you against the wooden surface of the desk. He fumbled with your clothes, desperate and impatient, his hands undoing just enough of your clothing to give you what you both craved. He positioned himself, and with a deep breath, he entered you, drawing a gasping moan from both of you.

You pushed back against him, your fingers digging into the desk. "Remus…"

His name on your lips sent him into a frenzy. He moved with a desperate intensity, every thrust forcing you to raise yourself on your tiptoes, to try and keep up with him. His hands gripped your hips, guiding your movements, and he leaned over you, burying his face in the crook of your neck to stifle a moan.

"You feel so good," he groaned. "I can't… I can't hold back."

"Don't," you gasped. "Please, Remus. Don't stop."

He growled low in his throat, his movements becoming even more urgent. The desk creaked under your combined weight, but neither of you cared. All that mattered was the overwhelming need to be as close to each other as possible.

His grip on your hips tightened, his movements growing more forceful. You cried out as you reached your peak, your body shuddering with the force of your climax. Remus followed moments later, a guttural groan escaping his lips as he spilled himself inside you, holding you tightly against him.

He stayed like that for a moment, breathing heavily. Slowly, he pulled back, helping you off the desk and turning you around to face him. He kissed you gently this time, the urgency replaced by tenderness.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his eyes searching yours.

You nodded, a blissful smile on your lips. "More than alright."

Remus tried to regain his composure slightly, though both of you were sweaty and disheveled. He made a futile attempt to adjust your clothes, but there was no use. They were ruined and you both knew it. His gaze drifted downwards, noticing the result of your encounter trickling down to the floor from you.

"Looks like I made a bit of a mess there," he mumbled, a sheepish blush creeping up his neck.

"Well, Professor, who would have thought such a composed man could be so… messy?"

A genuine laugh escaped him. "The blame, my dear, falls squarely on you. You're impossible to resist."

He leaned down, capturing your lips in a lingering kiss, and with a gentle hand on your back, guided you towards the bathroom.

Once there, you started peeling off the clothes that had survived your encounter, but Remus stopped you with a soft touch. "Let me," he murmured.

He took his time, his touch tender and reverent as he cleaned you up. His fingers traced the love bites and flushed skin that marked his claim on you. He placed soft kisses on them, as if sealing his love into you.

When he finished, he wrapped you into his large dressing gown. It engulfed you in his scent, a comforting mix of cinnamon, wood polish, and something distinctly him. You perched on a small stool, stealing glances at him as he cleaned himself with a quiet efficiency.

After drying himself off, Remus offered his hand to help you up. "Come on, let's get you comfortable."

You took his hand, and he led you back to the main room. He fetched a blanket and laid it out on the couch, guiding you to sit down. "Rest here for a bit, you don't have to go back just now," he said, tucking the blanket around you and pulling you back against him.

As you settled into a comfortable silence, a memory jolted Remus. "Accio," he murmured, and a small vial materialized in his hand. "Contraceptive," the label read.

"Here," he said, offering it to you. "It's best to be safe."

You looked up at him, taken aback. "Where did you get this? Not Professor Snape-"

Remus gave a nervous laugh, a flicker of worry crossing his features. "Sirius," he admitted. "He sent it with a rather cryptic message about 'precautions.'"

Your face turned crimson with mortification. "Oh God. He did?"

Remus nodded, trying to hide his amusement. "Yes. But it's important. Please, drink it."

The thought of your uncle anticipating your secret encounter was almost too much to bear. You downed the potion in one go, shuddering and grimacing at the bitter taste.

"Good girl," Remus murmured, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of your head.

"Uncle Sirius knows, then? About…" you trailed off.

Remus hesitated for a moment before nodding. "He know there's something between us. He's not blind," he explained, referring to the summer you had spent together at Grimmauld Place, stealing glances at each other like a bunch of teenagers.

You groaned, burying your face in his chest. "This is so embarrassing. Please, promise me you won't tell him about what just happened."

Remus chuckled, stroking your hair reassuringly. "I promise. Your safety, and Sirius' sanity, are worth more than anything."

You lifted your head slightly, your gaze flickering up at him. "Was that your first time?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper. Despite the lingering blush on your cheeks, there was a playfulness in your eyes that sent a jolt through Remus.

He let out a surprised chuckle. The question, though somewhat innocent, was unexpected. "Merlin, Y/N," he said, a touch of amusement in his voice. "No, it wasn't. I'm rather ancient, you see."

You feigned offense with a playful shrug. "Well, excuse me Professor," you teased. "Just trying to gauge the competition."

Taking a deep breath, you confessed, "Actually, that was my first time."

Remus' smile faltered, replaced by a wave of guilt that washed over him. "You should have told me," he said, his voice low and serious. The image of your hurried encounter flashed before his eyes, and a pang of regret stabbed at him.

"Why?" you countered, tilting your head in genuine confusion.

"Because," he began, "your first time shouldn't have been… like that. Bent over a desk, rushed, with barely a moment to breathe."

Your response surprised him. A soft giggle escaped your lips. "Actually, Remus," you admitted, "that's always been a bit of a fantasy of mine. A little forbidden, a little…messy."

A blush crept up Remus' neck at your words, a nervous chuckle escaping him.

"And perhaps," you continued, "next time you can show me properly."

Remus' breath caught at your suggestion, and he tried to remain casual and unaffected but failed miserably. "I, uh, well… yes, of course," he stammered. "Whenever you're ready."

You giggled again, enjoying the sight of his flustered state.

A sudden jolt of panic shot through Remus as he glanced at the clock. It was well past curfew. "Merlin's beard," he muttered, "I need to walk you back to your common room before anyone notices you're missing."

You nodded, reluctantly getting up. You were still clad in Remus' dressing gown, your clothes crumpled in a ball clutched in your hands. The large "R.J.L" embroidered letters on the chest were impossible to miss.

You stepped out of Remus' quarters, trying to appear as casual as possible, only to turn a corner and find yourselves face-to-face with Professor McGonagall.

You froze, your smile vanishing faster than a puff of smoke. your eyes wide with shock. McGonagall's sharp gaze swept over you both, taking in the sight of you in Remus' robe, your hair damp and slightly mussed, and landing finally on Remus himself.

The silence stretched, and you braced yourself for McGonagall scathing reprimand.

"Miss Black," McGonagall began, her tone questioning but laced with the knowledge of what was clearly going on. "What are you doing out of your common room so late, and why are you wearing Professor Lupin's robe?"

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could say anything, Remus stepped in, a charming, albeit slightly panicked smile plastered on his face.

"Professor, I was just on my way to accompany Miss Black back to her common room," he said smoothly. "She had a bit of an accident in the Potions classroom earlier and got some ingredients on her clothes. She came to my office for help cleaning up, and I lent her my robe to wear in the meantime."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical but unable to challenge the story outright without more proof.

“I see. Well, Professor Lupin, I trust you will ensure Miss Black returns safely to her common room?”

“Absolutely, Minerva,” Remus replied, his voice steady. “I was just about to do that.”

McGonagall studied you both for a moment longer, then sighed. "Very well. But in the future, Miss Black, do try to avoid such mishaps so close to curfew. And Remus, please ensure that students return to their dormitories in a timely manner."

"Of course, Minverva," Remus said with a respectful nod.

With that, McGonagall swept past you. Remus took a deep breath, the tension visibly draining from his body.

"Well played, Professor," you teased.

Remus chuckled. "Just another day at Hogwarts," he quipped.

Reaching the entrance to your common room, you turned to face him and whispered, "Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight, love," he replied, then leaned in and gave you a quick, soft kiss on the lips. You slipped through the entrance of your common room, giving him one last smile.

Remus watched you go for a moment, and made his way back to his quarters.

He sank back onto the couch, his gaze trailing across the room and settling on the now-innocent desk. His mind, however, was reeling with what had just transpired. The feel of your skin, the warmth of your body pressed against his. He closed his eyes, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips, and let himself slip back into the memory.

A sudden crackle from the fireplace jolted him back to reality. Sirius' grinning face filled the flames. Remus nearly jumped out of his skin, a strangled scream escaping his lips.

"Merlin's beard, Sirius! What- what are you doing here?"

Sirius' laughter echoed in the room. "Fire-called you earlier, Moony," he said, "but it seemed you were…busy."

Remus choked, absolutely mortified. His mind raced, wondering if Sirius had truly witness what he thought he had. "I… uh, what do you mean?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, his smirk widening. "That poor desk looks like it's barely standing after this."

Remus' face fell, his mind going blank. He stammered, "S-Sirius, I-"

"Don't worry, Moony," Sirius said, his grin softening. "Just wanted to check on my niece. Seems she's well taken care of, though."

Remus could only manage a weak nod, his voice still lost somewhere in his throat.

"Did you use the little potion I sent over?" Sirius asked casually.

Remus croaked out a confirmation, his cheeks burning hotter than the fireplace ever could. A satisfied smirk spread across Sirius' face.

"Just looking out for you both, mate. You weren't exactly discreet over the summer," he continued, a wink following his words. "Besides, wouldn't want any little surprises popping up in a few months, would we?"

Remus was so mortified he could hardly speak. "Sirius, I… I didn't mean for you to-"

Sirius laughed, shaking his head. "Relax, Moony. I trust you. Just remember, she's precious to me. But from what I can see, you're doing a decent job."

With that, Sirius' face disappeared from the fire. Remus slumped back further into the couch, burying his face in his hands. Relief mingled with worry. Sirius knew. Definitely. Yet he seemed… accepting. The thought offered a sliver of comfort, but he knew he wasn't going to tell you anytime soon.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #professor lupin #remus lupin smut #professor lupin x reader #smut #sirius black #hp fanfic

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justwritedreams · 2 years

Text

Dirty Love | Jeno

Captain Jeno x Reader, university!au Word count: 6106 Genre: smut, kinda crack, fluff if you squeeze it. Warning: Mentions of hickeys and explicit sex, oral sex (fem receiving) and fingering, reader likes spicy things and slept with Sungchan, second hand embarrassment. MINORS DON’T INTERACT this is a +18 story! Author: Maari Note: Inspired by the lyrics of dirty love by cher lloyd. I thought it would be a good idea to combine these two requests and I must say I don't know what is happening to me when I write smut lol Requests: Can i request for fuckboy jeno and fuckgirl yn who have nvr slept w eo and finally do + can i request for uni ice hockey captain jeno x reader fluff and maybe abit of smut

⪢ NCT Masterlist

Y/N had just closed the door in complete silence while holding her bag and jacket in one hand, she was trying hard not to make any noise. A single noise would make Sungchan wake up and that would make her give explanations, everything she wanted to avoid in the morning.

The night before had been good, so why complicate it with the morning after?

She was about to turn the aisle when someone passed her and something hard hit her thigh bare by her short dress.

"Ouch!" she complained a little loudly and that made the person stop, revealing himself to be the captain of the hockey team carrying his heavy training bag.

Y/N knew that the entire structure of the team's uniform should be heavy but she didn't know it was that much.

She looked at the boy, his blue hair was darker because it was wet and falling in his eyes. He wore baggy clothes, a red sweatshirt and a white jacket over it, jeans and boots.

There was definitely no other university that had an ice hockey team full of handsome athletes like theirs. And no other team captain was like Jeno.

"I'm sorry." he said, moving the bag away from Y/N who was caressing her own skin to try to ease the pain, she looked away so it wouldn't seem so obvious that she was staring at the boy for too long. "I didn’t see you."

Yeah, clearly.

“Alright, Lee. I didn't see you either." she stood up straight again and noticed that Jeno was looking at her legs. “That uniform of yours is heavy, huh?”

Jeno laughed, scratching the back of his head and looking up to Y/N's face, his eyes practically disappeared.

“Actually, it's not mine. It’s from Sungchan.” he nodded towards his roommate's door and Y/N raised her eyebrows in understanding. "Is he awake yet?"

She understood what was behind the question, Jeno wasn't stupid, he had seen her carry her things silently so as not to wake up his colleague so he subtly questioned if she had spoken to Sungchan before leaving.

Which hadn't been the case. It was just one night, it wasn't going to happen again, she wasn't going back to the athlete’s fraternity, at least not to spend the night with one of the defenders.

"No." she shrugged. "I have to go, you know, I have an assignment to do."

It was a lie, all the tasks had already been handed over to the teachers. She just didn't want to sound so cold and heartless.

Jeno smiled slightly and Y/N returned it, staring at the boy for a while longer. She didn't want to hit on Sungchan's roommate in front of his bedroom door, but Jeno was so irresistible…

She shook her head to clear any and all thoughts that might start to appear about Jeno and started to retrace her initial path.

“See you, 23.” she said goodbye, smirking, already with her back to him and lost the way Jeno stared at her.

"See ya!"

[...]

“Sungchan can't stop looking this way.” Y/N's friend hummed, making her take her eyes off her phone screen and face the team that was training a little further ahead.

Noticing that what her friend said was true, but the tall boy looked away at once.

"I hope he's not thinking I came to watch him training." Y/N replied, looking back at her phone.

“And you didn’t?” the friend questioned and Y/N looked at her again, this time seriously.

"You know how it works for me."

Anyone at the university knew. She wasn't one to repeat the night.

"I know I know. Not involving feelings.” the friend rolled her eyes. "But I think you're wrong!" she tapped Y/N’s leg, which quickly retracted.

"Ouch!" she complained, earning a strange look from her friend. “It hurts.”

The friend then looked at Y/N's bare thigh, who was wearing black shorts that didn't cover the bruise that was on her skin, right where Jeno's bag had hit her hard.

"Where did you get that?" her friend's raised eyebrow made Y/N look at the team again, her gaze hovering over Jeno who was practically flying across the ice at a speed that was hard to keep up with, "What? Jeno?"

Y/N looked at her friend and saw that the shock was because the interpretation had been the complete opposite of reality, so she decided to explain herself.

“That's not exactly what you're thinking, okay? I bumped into him 2 days ago when I was leaving Sungchan's room and he ended up hitting the training bag with the uniform on my thigh."

Anyone who knew Y/N would know how absurd that story would be to justify a bruise on her body, which is why her friend looked at her suspiciously.

Hickeys, marks… all of these were normal for Y/N's love life, or lack thereof.

"What? I didn't sleep with Jeno.” Y/N admitted in disbelief.

Although it wasn't such a bad idea.

The friend looked at her more firmly, as if she wanted to read beyond what she said.

"But you want!"

"What?" Y/N shook her head, looking confused at her friend. "That’s not the point."

“You didn't immediately deny it. Any guy you don't even consider the possibility of sleeping together, you immediately deny it.”

Y/N blinked a few times trying to find the words but being caught off guard, her mouth just opened and closed as she turned back to face Jeno, who was now talking to Mark.

Okay, was Jeno hot? Hell yeah.

No single girl on campus would say no to him unless she was crazy. But there was just a problem.

"He's too nice for me." Y/N replied, watching him bend down to fix something on Mark's skates. “I only meet nice, predictable guys with practically a halo on their heads.” she complained. "I want more than that."

"What? Are you kidding me?" the friend laughed, catching Y/N's attention who turned to face her. “Jeno has slept with half the students in the medical building.”

"Him and the whole hockey team." Y/N rolled her eyes and her friend crossed her arms. "Well, except Winwin, but he's your boyfriend so he's not on the list."

“You think Jeno is too nice, really?” Y/N nodded.

"He's always so polite, so kind." she complained.

"I didn't know you were looking for Tarzan, Miss Jane." the friend mocked and the two heard that the training was over.

“Maybe I am!” Y/N shrugged and got up along with her friend who was now seeing her boyfriend approaching.

"You still haven't denied it." the friend remembered and Y/N didn't have time to retort as the team left the ice rink right where they were sitting.

Winwin left first, taking off his skates after taking off his gloves to kiss his girlfriend next, Y/N stood still looking for anywhere else to look beyond the romantic scene in front of her and ended up meeting Jeno's eyes as he was behind Winwin.

Jeno smiled at her as he took off his gloves and Y/N looked him up and down, no one matched the orange and blue uniform more than he did, but then she remembered how heavy the structure was and how hard it must have been to play with that squeezing you.

Well, she knew Jeno was strong but all her sinful mind could imagine was his wide hands squeezing her waist as he devoured her lips.

The rink had the lowest temperature because of the ice, even though the glasses were inhibited it was much milder than the temperature outside since it was in the middle of summer, but the ice wasn’t enough to stop the fire that up her legs and Y/N thought it best to stop imagining what Jeno would be like if he was rough.

However, as she came out of her daydreams, noticed that Jeno was staring at the bruise on her leg with a serious face.

Haechan yelled something in the middle of the ring and Jeno blinked a few times, looking up to meet Y/N's, she felt a shiver to see that his eyes weren't as kind as before.

It had something about them and she understood what it was, lust. Pure and simple.

[...]

Y/N cursed herself internally as she was dragged by some friends down the hallway of the sports building.

She promised herself that she would never drink again or bet with her peers.

Not that it would make any difference now, the headache from the binge she'd had last night was still there along with the massive remorse for having accepted something so stupid.

“You know if I get caught, I could get kicked out of the university, right?” she tried to reason with her colleagues but they just laughed.

"You're the one who said if you lost at strip poker, you'd be in the men's locker room for 5 minutes." Jaehyun remembered.

"I was drunk!" she said and he just laughed once more, stopping in front of the door.

“Just like everyone else here.” he pointed at his friends behind and she twisted her mouth. Out of arguments.

"You should have stopped me, like the good friend you are."

"I wanted to see if you had the courage." Jaehyun raised his eyebrow and Y/N slowly turned around to face him. “But if you want to give up-”

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, offended.

"No! You can mark it on your watch.” she took out her bag and handed it to Jaehyun who took it. “Let me know when the 5 minutes are up.”

Y/N took a deep breath before entering, it was the end of the day so most of the practices were over, hockey being the last one. The locker room was silent and she was grateful for that, the five minutes would pass quickly and she would be out of there soon.

But the dark and quiet place started to bother her, she made the commitment to herself that was serious when promised that she wouldn't drink anymore, couldn't go through any other embarrassing situation anymore, that had been enough.

She sat on the benches in the center of the huge locker room and surveyed the place without much enthusiasm.

“What are we doing here?” Y/N widened her eyes when heard Jaehyun's voice and got up from the benches feeling her heart go to her mouth and her blood running cold. “Actually, we are already on our way out. And you?"

"We were training a little more, we're going to take a shower" she recognized Haechan's voice and panicked.

Take a shower now???

Y/N looked at the showers and when the locker room light came on, she ran to the last block, ducking into the back so no one would see her.

Seriously, it wasn't possible!

“Gee, I'm exhausted. I don't know why you invented this training between forwards at the last minute. And only with me.” Haechan complained and Y/N blinked several times, trying to understand what he had said.

Forwards?

That meant…

"Because I'm the team captain."

Jeno was there too?!

Y/N brought her hand to her mouth to prevent any sound of frustration or anything like that from coming out of her mouth.

“Show-off!”

Y/N kept silent, although she thought the fact that her heart beat so fast could be heard by the athletes, she just paid attention to the sounds.

When she heard the shower, she wanted a hole to suck her in at that moment. This wasn’t happening to her!

She overheard the two of them talking about the party Yangyang was having at the fraternity in a few days and Jeno complained about how even at the beginning of the tournament they wouldn't have a break from unnecessary parties, but it was time for the shower to turn off.

A few more conversations and noises made Y/N realize that Haechan had already finished, she almost sighed in relief but saw a shadow approaching the block where she was, getting back on alert.

"Make sure you don't come back late." Haechan spoke a little louder, the voice a little farther from the room and Y/N saw Jeno's hand approach the pressure gauge and turn on the shower.

She cringed even more, trying to escape the water, in vain.

"Okay, mom." Jeno replied wryly.

Y/N widened her eyes as she saw Jeno's shadow take off the clothes he was still wearing, she practically merged with the wall and was now soaking wet.

She no longer knew what to think or what she could do to make the situation less awkward, so all she did when saw Jeno approaching was close her eyes and wait for the boy to scream.

But that didn’t happen.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" hearing his laugh, Y/N instantly opened her eyes and turned her head to face him.

Well, in that short moment she'd forgotten about the small detail that he was undressed about to take a shower. Right in front of her.

Y/N was willing to look at his face but something else caught her attention and not even her hand that was holding her mouth could contain her shock, the hand moved away from her face almost of its own accord and she was speechless while watched Jeno's body.

The mouth she opened and closed without making a single sound was all she could manage.

She knew he was defined, he was an athlete after all, she just didn't expect him to be…big. In all senses.

Her wet hair started to cover her vision and she pushed it back still unblinking and looking at Jeno.

She couldn't turn her attention to anything else even though she was completely hot inside from sheer shame.

"Y/N!"

She shook her head and with much effort lifted her gaze to Jeno's face, he had a sly smile.

"Huh?"

"Am I disturbing?" he put his hands on his hips and the movement made Y/N look back at the region.

She didn't want to look perverted but God, what a man he was.

"N-No!" she replied loudly, all nervousness being exposed and she stood up, feeling her legs ache.

"Are you going to tell me why you're in the men's locker room playing hide and seek?"

Oh sure, the bet. She had forgotten.

"It's just…" why the hell couldn't she take her eyes off his hips??? "Ask Jaehyun."

She closed her eyes for a minute, biting her lip, feeling really stupid and when she opened her eyes again, Jeno's smile made her shy.

She, shy, was being too much for her to handle.

"Ok." Jeno shook his head and then shrugged. "Are you going to take a shower too?"

Y/N swallowed hard and shook her head nonstop.

"No! I'm leaving." she spoke desperately and got out of there as quickly as possible. "Sorry!"

"Not for this."

Y/N turned to face Jeno one last time but all she saw was the boy taking her place, her eyes dropped from his shoulders to his ass and she bit her lip again as thoughts not at all pure took over of your mind.

But the shame she felt was much greater than the sudden desire for Jeno so all she did was run away, still hearing the boy laugh behind her.

Y/N stopped outside the locker room, leaning against the wall as she tried to catch her breath. At least the hallway was empty.

She was completely wet, and it wasn't just from the water.

[...]

“I love you, but honestly, did you have to bring me to this party?” Y/N complained as walked through the athlete's fraternity door.

It was Yangyang's party and the place was full, nothing new since the defender was extremely popular and mixed in all the groups on campus, but for Y/N to go there after seeing Jeno naked was embarrassing to say the least.

She hoped she could hide away somewhere until her friend was too busy with Winwin to remember her existence and run away.

"What? You're ashamed?" the friend laughed amusedly and pinched Y/N's cheek, who tried to get away.

"It's not funny!"

“Oh sorry, Y/N, but it is!” the friend continued to laugh as they walked through the fraternity.

Several people were already drinking even though the party had just started but Y/N ignored all the glasses and bottles, wouldn't put a sip of alcohol in her mouth. From now on, she'd be sober, so maybe she'd have control over the shit she was doing.

"Well, I didn't think he would react like that." she replied the friend and the two stopped near the stairs, the friend looking for Winwin.

"I tried to warn you that Jeno wasn't as nice as you thought."

Y/N bit the inside of her cheek, she couldn't argue with her friend. She was right.

The fact that her friend was laughing the way Y/N arrived at the dorm, wet and with her mouth so open, became irrelevant when she told Y/N some things Jeno had done that she didn't know until then.

Scandals like him getting caught under the gym bleachers having sex with a law school senior, Winwin seeing him fingering a newbie between the psychology book session at the library.

Things Y/N didn't even imagine Jeno was capable of doing because she was too busy with who she slept with.

However, hearing from her friend that some colleagues commented on how rough Jeno was in bed had awakened the side of her imagination that she had been trying to put to sleep since the day she saw Jeno staring at the bruise he had accidentally caused.

She couldn't connect that image with what she saw of him, the polite smile, the flushed cheeks when someone complimented him. He looked so…innocent.

Well, of course the fact that she wasn't up to catch on university gossip had helped create this version of Jeno, the super nice version.

“Oh, hi Jeno.” Y/N's friend spoke loudly and waved her hand behind Y/N, who widened her eyes and felt her heart suddenly speed up, she didn't think to do anything but run away without looking back.

She went quickly to the kitchen as felt a heat rise from her neck to her entire face. The kitchen wasn’t as crowded as the living room and she leaned against the fridge, placing her hand on her chest to calm her heart and she closed her eyes, feeling wobbly legs.

With her breath recovered, she opened her eyes and kept leaning against the fridge, the feeling of being safe filling her.

“Hi Y/N.” she screamed when heard Jeno's voice so close and looked to the side, seeing the boy holding a beer jump back at her scream.

He was confused and she was even more so.

"You weren't..." she pointed to the door, trying to understand how suddenly he was there beside her, blinking a few times until she remembered her friend.

Oh of course!

It felt like the entire universe was making fun of her.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Jeno admitted and she laughed, perplexed.

"It wasn’t your fault." technically, it was.

Mainly because he was irresistible. If Jeno were ugly it would be a lot easier to control her hormones.

Y/N looked ahead, disbelieving herself. She wasn't that impulsive or overly thoughtful, she didn't tend to get attached to things that shouldn't be big.

Like, if she was in her normal self, she wouldn't feel shy about being around Jeno after what happened in the locker room but she was.

She could feel the tension between her fingers, she even wanted to say something to end that awkward atmosphere but she didn't know what to say.

That his ass was really pretty? No, out of the question.

"No need to be embarrassed around me." Jeno spoke first and she looked at him instantly, his face was calm and she could look better since his hair didn't cover his forehead like the other times. "I'd say we're almost even."

"What?"

“You saw me naked that day and I heard you moan that night with Sungchan.”

Y/N's eyes widened and Jeno drank the rest of his beer in one gulp, putting the bottle on top of the fridge, looking back at her.

"You heard?" she stuttered and wanted to beat herself up for it.

"His bedroom wall is next to mine sooo." Jeno shrugged and she wanted a hole to open up in the floor, suck her in until she was 70.

Y/N scratched her head, not knowing what to say and looked away.

All of her femme fatale image that she'd created over the last year had dissolved and it was all Jeno's fault.

“I just thought it was a waste.” Lost in thought, Y/N didn't notice that Jeno moved a little closer to her, his chest almost touching her shoulder.

She only noticed when turned to face him, his face was serious and his eyes fixed on her.

"A waste?"

"Someone with a mouth like yours" Jeno brought his fingers to Y/N's chin and lifted her face, bringing his own closer. She could feel his breath against hers. “can moan much louder.”

Y/N swallowed, feeling her legs tremble and she realized that Jeno would do damage with words alone, but she raised an eyebrow defiantly.

She wouldn't let herself be beaten by so little.

"Why? Are you going to call me to see the trophies in your room?” She questioned, bringing her face even closer to Jeno and their lips were inches away.

"I'll show you the biggest one." he replied with conviction and Y/N ran her tongue over her dry lips, making Jeno watch the movement carefully.

Keeping her eyes fixed on his, she smiled knowingly and nodded.

Jeno reciprocated and took her hand, leading her out of the kitchen with him in justifiable haste. Y/N didn't care, in fact she kept pace with him up the stairs because she was just as anxious as he, she almost pulled him by the white sweatshirt he wore for a warm kiss in the middle of the hallway.

Jeno pulled her into the room and released her hand to lock the door, she smiled mischievously taking a few steps back.

“Why are you going to lock it?” she put her hands in the back pockets of the dark jeans she was wearing and Jeno turned to face her.

Jeno questioned with a look and all Y/N replied was a raised eyebrow, he got the message and left the door the way it was, approaching with long and slow steps, this only made Y/N watch him from bottom to top.

He wore white sneakers, neon orange baggy pants, the white sweatshirt and some necklaces. But it was Jeno's face that Y/N spent the most time analyzing, the blue hair was now a little faded and pulled back. She had a wide view of the eyes that stared at her deeply.

When Jeno was close enough to her, Y/N's eyes fell on Jeno's full pink lips, there was no denying that she was mesmerized but he didn't look too different from her.

It was time for Y/N to take a deep breath, feeling butterflies in her stomach, and Jeno advanced on her, pulling her by the back of her neck until their lips met for the first time that night. It was a strong and shocking impact, like lightning cutting through the sky, she grabbed Jeno's sweatshirt to keep her balance as her legs were weak as his lips moved against hers in a thirsty way. The two were in a hurry and the first kiss they would share that night wouldn't be the least bit slow, no, the desire they felt for each other didn't allow the moment to become sweet, it was almost animal.

When their tongues met, Y/N sighed and pulled Jeno's body against hers feeling like his pants were actually thin fabric and all that kept her from feeling the texture of his skin was that idiot piece of clothing.

A little desperate, she started to walk backwards and Jeno's other hand grabbed her waist and led her to the bed, Y/N's knees bumped against the material and she let her body fall back against the mattress breaking the kiss. Jeno lay down on top of her and Y/N took her hands to quickly remove his necklaces, throwing them across the bedroom floor.

"This will have to get out of the way." she informed him, making him chuckle lightly.

Jeno ran his tongue over her red lips and nodded before starting to kiss her neck, Y/N just closed her eyes and took her hand to his hair, tangling the strands between her fingers and pulling them when his tongue found her skin.

She didn't want to moan so soon but it was hard to contain the sound as Jeno dragged his teeth against her neck, so she just tilted her head to the side and gave him full access so he could continue to devour her skin.

“I hear you like marks.” he speaks softly next to her ear, which shivers. "Let's see how many you can handle tonight."

When she thought to speak, Jeno sucked the skin of her neck and her legs shook, the breath failed and another moan escaped, she only had the strength to grab his hair once more.

She didn't want to open her eyes, just feel what he was providing, but when she felt him pull away, she did so suddenly. To meet Jeno's eyes covered in lust and his fingers went to the hem of the blouse she was wearing, his cold fingers touched the skin of her belly lightly and he began to remove her blouse in incomprehensible calm.

Jeno moved, lowering his head to kiss every inch of skin he exposed as he took off her blouse and Y/N helped him completely, he held both sides of her waist and distributed kisses all over the region while she, already without strength, threw her blouse in some corner anyway.

Her fingers found Jeno's hair again and she continued gripping the strands as he seemed to delight in her skin. Every time his tongue found her red-hot skin, every suck and bite was having an immediate reaction in Y/N's below the belly, which was starting to get wet.

She was surprised at her own body but the devotion with which Jeno enjoyed every inch of her exposed skin was making all the arousal she felt speed up.

But she didn't want to be left behind, so opened her eyes and brought her fingers to his shoulders, gripping the sweatshirt tightly and pulling it up, indicating to Jeno what she wanted to do.

He lifted the torso, stopping the kisses, and let Y/N take off, she did it with some haste and the white shirt he was wearing underneath came out with it. She saw him smile widely when the torso was exposed.

Y/N threw the clothes away and brought her fingers to caress Jeno's skin, now she could worship every bit of his chest and noticed what hockey did to Jeno's body that was always covered in baggy clothes, she hadn't had the opportunity to analyze the boy's defined abs, because on the day of the bet her attention was on something else.

But now she not only could, she would.

Jeno wasn't overly muscular, but his broad shoulders stirred up Y/N in a way she'd never felt before. She ran her fingers over his collarbone and met his stiff shoulders, squeezing the spot and he grunted.

Wasting no more time, Jeno approached to initiate a new, more coveted kiss and she took the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist, bringing him much closer. The thin fabric of Jeno's pants made Y/N feel in the heat of her desire that he was just as excited as she was, it made her bite his bottom lip and pull it to her as he growled once more.

“How long are you going to be teasing?” she asked as they moved away and heard Jeno laugh.

"Until I make you scream." he replied and moved his hips against hers, making her take a deep breath as she felt his arousal.

Jeno brought his hand up to Y/N's shin and pulled her leg away, ready to complain Jeno shut her up as he brought his fingers to the button on her pants, making her take off the sneakers she was wearing awkwardly. Y/N smirked as he lowered the zipper, his finger was so close to where she needed it, just a little down…

Jeno took off her pants in one movement and placed his hands on each of her thighs, spreading them apart so he had a full view, especially her wet panties.

"You will undo that little smile very soon." he warned and Y/N felt every muscle in her thigh quiver as Jeno lowered his head, predicting that he would pay attention to her wet spot, he antagonized her and brought his lips to her right thigh.

Y/N already felt like she was close to seeing stars and he hadn't even touched her the way she craved, Jeno's wet lips took care of her skin once more and so close to her panties, but he didn't give in to the temptation.

He bit and sucked and kissed her thigh until he was satisfied, then turned his attention to her other thigh. Jeno immediately went to the spot that had the bruise he had accidentally left on her skin and from what Y/N was feeling, because she didn't have the strength to keep her eyes open, he was bent on leaving another bruise there. Only this time, very well aware of it.

The weak legs, the heavy breathing and the fact that Jeno was with his tongue so close to where she wanted the most, made her moan louder, only in complaint.

She needed him, urgently.

"Jeno." She pleaded, opening her eyes slowly and without force. "Please."

She saw him lift his head, an expression of false innocence that made her panties even wetter.

"Please what?" he placed a kiss near her panties and Y/N felt her stomach squeak.

"Don't torture me anymore."

He stared at her a little longer and smirked.

"Hmm I don't think so."

"I'm serious, can you just-" Jeno interrupted her, bringing his finger down to Y/N's soaked panties and she groaned. "My God."

She didn't have the strength to keep her eyes open, but the sight of Jeno staring at the way his finger touched her was just too pleasurable.

Feeling wetter and wetter and her heart pounding against the ribs, he pushed her panties to the side and his finger found the place where she needed him most, pulsing for him.

She bit her lip to hold back the moans but Jeno was willing to make her lose all the super self control she had, so he took two fingers to get inside her and that's where Y/N got lost.

Closing her eyes, she began to moan more and more as he touched her deliciously. She felt her insides squeezing his finger and it made her even wetter, the famous sensation formed in her belly and she was already wriggling her toes ready to surrender to the pleasure when Jeno stopped.

When she felt him take his finger off her, Y/N opened her eyes in shock and confusion.

But she was almost there...

"What…?"

She couldn't even ask properly and saw Jeno bring his fingers to his mouth and suck.

If she hadn't been so weak, she would have pulled him into her right away.

Jeno kicked off his shoes anyway and his pants too, then took off Y/N's panties and she just felt anxiety take over her body before he brought his mouth down to her pulsing flesh.

The frustration she'd felt at having almost reached her climax had been replaced by more desire, she just gave herself to Jeno and grabbed his hair once more as he devoured her like a hungry animal.

This was what she wanted, no manners or finesse. She wanted a caveman who would make her feel drunk with pleasure, who would not only make her see the stars but take her to paradise.

A dirty love, she didn't want to be treated like a lady. Because the way he ate her and made her moan, said just that.

When she was about to reach her climax, Jeno didn't stop and her vision started to blur and she couldn't contain the scream that came from the back of her throat as gave her all to him.

Y/N took a breath and felt her lungs hurt but she was smiling drunk, still not opening her eyes and weak, Jeno moved away and she only heard a few noises until she recognized one of a package being opened.

When she had the strength to open her eyes, Jeno had already put on the condom and approached her again, she called him with her finger and he smiled full of lust. Y/N rested her hands on his shoulders as Jeno adjusted to enter her as she wanted so badly. He took a hand up to her thigh and brought it up to his waist, making her hug his hip with her leg as he stared at her intensely and Y/N was lost in Jeno's dark iris, he went deep in one go. Y/N cried because she was sensitive and because he filled her in such a delicious way, feeling her insides tighten Jeno, it was his turn to moan and she leaned their foreheads together, closing her eyes as he started to move.

The first few thrusts were light and Y/N searched for his lower lip with her teeth, biting and making him squeak.

"No, I want everything from you." she spoke softly, opening her eyes and saw Jeno frowning, it was clear he was holding back but that wasn't what she wanted. “Look at me, Jeno.” he obeyed and Y/N felt her whole body tingle. “Be rough to me, I'm not a china doll. Don't be nice, don’t hold back.”

Y/N saw a different glint in Jeno's eyes and he didn't say anything, he nodded, thrusting deep and hard into her.

Y/N groaned while smiling and encouraged him to continue the way she wanted, he did. Each thrust, each movement deeper in a wild rhythm. She asked for more and he delivered.

She moaned and he squeezed the fingers that held her waist.

She would squeeze him from the inside and he would say dirty things close to her ear.

Y/N scratched Jeno's back feeling the apex close by and he groaned softly, his fingers left her waist to grip the headboard and he continued thrusting until she screamed once more under him and called his name nonstop while she fell apart.

Jeno didn't take long to reach his apex and soon his body weight fell on Y/N's, he took a deep breath before getting out of her and out of the bed to discard the condom in the bedroom trash.

Y/N lay there trying to catch her breath, lying on the bed admiring him, feeling completely addicted to Jeno and when he got back into bed, lying next to her, Y/N turned to him, her eyes tired with a big smile.

Jeno also looked at her with a smile, a little more restrained, and unable to control himself he brought his hand to her cheek and approached her to give her a soft kiss on the lips, catching her off guard.

She reciprocated, feeling her stomach turn even with such a simple kiss.

When they pulled away, Jeno caressed her cheek.

"Was I a caveman enough for you?"

She laughed in agreement.

"But I haven't had enough of you." she admitted and Jeno smiled.

“We can change that, then.”

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wings-of-ink · 1 month

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Pls I love how you answer angst and it's all dark and gloomy and then there's this cute emoticon at the end ^_^ and suddenly it makes all the worry go by sheer power of cuteness, you are so real for that

I'm gonna pull the "chaotic neutral" on an angst galore and humbly ask for ROs reacting to MC coming to them looking all pretty (gn) and asking RO how do they look only for the RO to find out MC is going on a date.

...and what if MC after seeing ROs reaction smiled gently and said "Well... It's for our date, actually. If you would have me"

(hehe did I got ya? Thought I'd ask some irredimible angst?)

Okay, you did actually get me with that! LOL Totally turned it around at the end, and I made a very unglamorous noise.

I don’t know why, but I always gotta get my little smile in there somewhere, lol. Even if my eyes are a bit watery. ^_^

As for your adorable ask (assuming at least some feelings or romantic words have been exchanged between RO and MC of course):

Oswin:

Big lump in his throat off the bat. MC looks wonderful, and they're going on a date with someone else? He smiles through it and nods emphatically. “You look amazing. The lucky person will be well-pleased.” Has he misread everything between them?

At the reveal: His knees actually buckle. “Our? Our. *OUR* DATE!?” His heart is absolutely pounding. “What do you…what should I wear?” MC will need to help him out with that one.

Zahn:

There’s some genuine enthusiasm there when they tell MC they look gorgeous - because they do. They’ve always thought that about MC. They shine inside and out. Maybe that’s why they confused the things stirring between them. But they’ll be happy for MC and cheer them on.

At the reveal: Zahn has a smile that would make the sun jealous. They run and grab MC’s hand. “Let’s go! Let’s go right now!” They have zero idea where they’re going…

Duri:

“Well that’s hardly fair. Are you trying to tease me? It won’t work.” *pouts* (it’s working) *Walks around MC studying the outfit. “You look delicious as ever, but is this person really deserving of such a feast? Never fear, I have just the thing. We’ll borrow Zahn’s ratty cloaks - trust me on this - you’ll still make a statement.” *If MC allows this to run its course, Duri will deck them out in the most atrocious outfit they can make with the items on hand. MC is probably wearing a basket on their head.

After the reveal: They go quiet for a long moment. “Well, of course, I knew that. You can’t fool me - ha! …What in the stars are you wearing though?”

Rune:

Swallowing their feelings. Checks MC out, straightens their collar (it wasn’t crooked), smooths the wrinkles (there weren’t any), and gently fixes their hair (it was fine). “You should already know how fabulous you look as well as I do. You’d be enchanting even if you wore robes of grass and leaves.” They fidget. “If…if you aren’t sure about this person - be careful…and I’d also like to take you out too, if you’ll allow it. I apologize for asking like this.”

After the reveal: The smile takes over before they can stop it. “Well played, I’ll admit it. I suppose that’s a yes to my request then?” MC gets a nervous laugh out of them. Is that a tinge of red on their cheeks?

???:

“Date!? Well, that isn’t fair, I’ve been flirting with you for ages and we haven’t been on a date yet.” He takes a flower from a vase and slips it into the outfit or tucks it in MC’s hair. “Here’s an idea - I go with you and you can show me how a date works. I’ll make some notes and I promise not to glower menacingly at your date.” *He’s lying* “And…yes, for the record, you are a vision. Always.”

After the reveal: “No need to change your plans on my account, MC! Go on then, and have your fun - tell me how it went tomorrow.” He pushes MC to the door. “Don’t stay out too late, aim for the throat if they get too fresh with you.” *Door shuts, MC is made to wait a few minutes before ??? comes back out with a big stupid smile.

Thank you for the Ask, Anon! This one was a lot of fun! ^_^

#god cursed if #asks #twine if #if wip #twine wip #interactive novel #if game #interactive fiction #gc ro reactions

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things-arent-what-they-seem66 · 2 months

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I have a fluffy idea for once! No prompts from the list, just brain thoughts:

Adam has been staying in the hotel for a few months, very reluctant to participate at first, but slowly warming up to it. Him and Lucifer had a long conversation about Eden at some point, and since then they've gotten increasingly domestic with each other. While they're not openly in a relationship, they'll sleep in the same bed, have movie nights together, cook together, and be generally affectionate. They try to be subtle about it, but Husk and Angel both picked up on it rather quickly, choosing to keep it between the two of them that they knew.

Cut to the moment: Charlie set up a bonding activity for hotel residents! Ballroom dancing, to build teamwork, trust, and coordination. They switch partners a few times, but of course Luci and Adam end up together eventually. The two of them, having both been important figures in heaven at some point, definitely have ballroom dancing experience, and it shows when they dance with each other. Once the music reaches its end, they're so caught up in each other that they end it with a kiss... in front of everyone. Ensue dramatic reveals, probably some flustered Adam, Charlie being baffled, momentarily angry, and then just really enthusiastic. Them finally getting to be saccharinely domestic with others present :))

Feel free to do with that what you will, I just wanted some domestic fluff <3

Indigo (aroace, lonely, and coping through fictional ships)

AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!!! IT'S SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE! LOL

At first Adam was only at the hotel for salvation, to not be murdered a million times over by blood thirsty sinners who wanted revenge.

He tolerated Charlie and her stupid exercises, he was present for them but never really participated. Until one day he said to Hell with it and gave one of them a try. It wasn't bad, but still dumb in his opinion.

At some point he had befriended the porn star Angel Dust and by proxy his boyfriend Husk. Turns out they had a lot more in common than Adam originally thought. They would go out drinking and shoot the shit, it was nice to have friends.

Lucifer was an issue in and of himself. He sold his soul to the guy in exchange for protection and it had been awkward being around him in the beginning.

It's been six months now and Lucifer said he wanted to talk to him. Adam has thought he was in trouble for something he might have done.

But no. The king wanted to talk about Eden. REALLY talk about Eden. He even apologized for his role for the downfall of the garden. They sat on Lucifer's bed talking for hours about Eden, the good and the bad. When he even apologized about taking Lilith, Adam told him not to worry about it. It took him leaving the garden to realize she wasn't his type.

They talked so long they fell asleep. That was the first time they shared a bed and from then on, it felt weird NOT to. So they just shared a bed, it just kind of happened.

Adam remembers the first time they cooked together, it was breakfast with the works. That's kind of how he found out he is shit at cooking. So instead he would hand Lucifer the ingredients and the King would cook the food. He remembers when Lucifer placed his hands on his hips to sneak by and how the touch made Adams heart race.

Adam and Lucifer shared lingering touches that lasted a moment or two too long. How their eyes would lock and they would share gentle smiles when they thought no one was looking.

Angel and Husk saw all of this but didn't say a word. The couple would go public when they were ready.

One thing Adam could make was microwave popcorn. Which him and Lucifer shared as they watched horror movies, snuggled up on the couch, sharing a blanket with their fingers laced together underneath. Adam's head would rest in the crook of Lucifer's shoulder. Sometimes Adam would fall asleep and wake up in their bed.

They weren't exclusive with a defined label, but what they did have was nice.

Today, Charlie wanted to do a new trust exercise. "We'll be doing ballroom dancing! It's a great way to build trust and have fun at the same time. Now, everyone grab a partner. We'll trade off every now and then."

"Piece of cake." Adam said, he had lots of dancing experience from being in heaven. What he didn't expect was to be teamed up with Alastor first. "Keep your fucking hands where I can see them, asshole."

"Trust me, I don't want to touch you any more than you want me touching you." The music started and they began dancing. Adam saw Alastors eyes look over his shoulder, that's when the radio demon brought him in closer. His hand on Adams waist, the fallen angel thought he might be sick. "But if it pisses him off, I suppose I can suck it up."

Adam creased his brow and looked over his shoulder behind him. If looks could kill, Lucifer would have had the deer demon explode into chuck sized pieces. His face softened when he saw Adam looking at him.

"Switch!" Charlie called out.

Now Adam was dancing with Vaggie, much better than that freak. They didn't speak the whole time, which was fine.

"Switch!"

This time, finally Adam was pulled into Lucifer's arms. He smiled at him as they swayed together in perfect harmony, the music moving them. "Hey."

"Hey, did that asshole hurt you?"

Adam snorted. "No, that was just to piss you off." He felt Lucifers arm tighten around his waist bringing him closer. "But if I said yes, would you beat that fucker up?"

"I'd do it just because he touched you." Lucifer meant it, he didn't need a real reason to go deer hunting, but if that fucker laid a hand on Adam he'd kill him.

Adam felt his heart flutter, butterflies danced in his stomach. "I feel so special."

Lucifer twirled Adam outward and pulled him back in. "You are special. To me especially."

They stared into each other's eyes, Adam could get lost there forever. It's like nothing else existed but them. The music stopped but they didn't let go of one another. Adam and Lucifer kept eye contact a few moments more before Adam felt a hand in his hair, with half lidded eyes he looked at Lucifer's lips as he looked at Adam's. The hand in his hair guided him closer until their lips met in a tender kiss.

Adam opened his mouth when Lucifer's tongue licked at his lips asking for entrance and deepening the kiss. Adam sighed softly as the hand in his hair grazed the base of his horns, his own hands clung to Lucifer's shoulders holding him close.

"Dad what the fuck!?"

Adam and Lucifer pulled apart like they had been burned. Oh no! Everyone fucking saw them makeout like a couple of teenagers. They shared looks of shock. They never slipped up like this. They turned to see everyone looking at them with varying degrees of emotions.

"I fucking called it." Angel said looking smug, Husk handed him a twenty.

Adam felt like his face was on fire, embarrassment starting to set in. He was getting uncomfortable with everyone looking at him like a fucking zoo exhibit.

"Charlie I can explain." Lucifer started.

"Explain what? That you've been seeing Adam behind my back and didn't tell me? Cause that was a very passionate kiss."

Adam wanted to die a third time. He put his face in his hands. He was sure all the blood in his body was in his face. "God dammit." He swore under his breath.

"Charlie, dear. Don't be mad, I didn't want to say anything to you until I was sure how I felt."

"How do you feel?" She asked.

Lucifer removed one of Adams hands from his face, Adam looked at him and swore he melted at how gentle that look was. "I, I care a lot about him. Adam makes me happy in a way I haven't felt in a long time."

Adam felt the same way. "So do I." It came out just above a whisper, just for Lucifer to hear. His smile was so wide it hurt his face.

Charlie looked at them and her temper simmered away into nothing. Oh. "I'm glad you're happy dad. I just wish this wasn't how I found out about you guys."

"I'm sorry Char, we kinda, got lost in the moment."

"Like right now?" Angel chimed in. "For the record, you guys dance amazing together. I can only imagine what it looks like when you fu- ow! Husk!"

Husk had pinched him. "No one wants that mental picture."

"Are you mad?" Adam finally asked.

Charlie sighed. "All I want is for my dad to be happy. If that's with you, then so be it. Just don't hurt each other." That would be one hell of a break up.

"Thank you, Charlie." Lucifer said. He pulled Adam back in for another kiss, this one sweet and soft. Adam's heart raced and thrummed with joy.

"Get a room you two!" Angel yelled.

That they could definitely do.

#adamsapple #lucifer x adam #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #ask

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t-lostinworlds · 10 months

Text

A Strange(r’s) Comfort | Peter Parker

A/N: had this idea right after i saw nwh which was...years ago now lol. rewatched it again recently so here’s me dusting off a wip that’s been sitting in my drafts. basically, this is just me giving peter some comfort in a way, bc that boy really needs one :((

》 PAIRING: peter parker x female!reader 》 TROPE/GENRE: strangers to lovers (mostly implied); soft angst; hurt/comfort 》 SUMMARY: Peter found a strange comfort in the graveyard, no less. But hearing about your day-to-day had been the highlight of his. And when one night led to the both you showing vulnerability, suddenly, Peter didn't feel so alone anymore. Maybe a stranger's comfort wasn't so bad. 》 WARNINGS: Spoilers? (i mean it’s been a while); bad jokes/puns (one about chicken & one about sex lmao); peter eavesdropping (sorta...ya know, enhanced hearing); it’s mostly set in the graveyard so...; mentions of: death, car accident, drunk drivers, being in jail for a moment, petty theft, peer pressure; and overall just dealing with grief and peter & reader bonding over their experience with grief. 》 WORD COUNT: 5.2k+ (issa baby fic)

📍 BLOG NAVIGATION ✩ P. PARKER MASTERLIST ✩ MAIN MASTERLIST ✩

⊱ ─────.⋅♚ *｡･ﾟ.★. *｡･ﾟ✫*.

Some might consider it unhealthy, but was there really a 'right' way to deal with the loss of someone you hold near and dear to your heart? They might even say it was excessive, but who were they to police him? They didn't know what he was going through. They could never understand what he was going through.

A part of him had excused it with his wounds being fresh, that with time, he'd be able to learn not to dwell too long on the remnants of the people he loves. Maybe with time, he'd be able to move on, something that seemed so impossible at the moment. But he'll get there—well, he hoped so, at least.

Either way, there was no doubt that everyone handled grief differently.

For Peter Parker, that was visiting May's grave every day.

Once was enough.

That was what he limited himself to, at least.

But still, it was barely enough to settle the demons in his head. Barely enough to stop him from replaying the scene over and over.

Peter had been recalculating in utter desperation as to what else he could've done better, what else he could've done more to save her.

That was what it was like most nights.

Some nights, though, his mind would switch things up a bit, thinking that maybe he was going about it wrong. Maybe it was a case of what he shouldn't have done.

Those nights Peter sometimes found himself picking apart every choice he'd ever made before it led to that point.

Maybe if he hadn't chosen to go on that stupid school trip to Europe then this wouldn't have happened. Maybe his identity wouldn't have been revealed and it wouldn't have led for that first domino to tumble, knocking over the rest that made his life turn for the absolute worse.

Or maybe, he didn't need to go that far back in the past. Maybe he simply shouldn't have chosen to question Dr. Strange's decision to send those villains back to where they came from immediately.

But sadly, that was all there was to it.

Peter's thoughts were simply and only just a whole bunch of unanswerable maybes.

Maybe this, maybe that. Maybe he owed it to them to try his best and fix things, maybe he didn't owe them anything at all. Maybe it was the wrong choice to try and save everyone, maybe it was right.

Aunt May said he did the right thing.

But it didn't feel like it sometimes.

Hell, it didn't even feel like it was even worth it. And no matter how much he tried to tell himself that it was right, his thoughts still managed to convince him that every. single. choice he made was simply wrong.

It wasn't even difficult to come to that conclusion anymore. Because ever since he got bitten by that spider, his loss considerably outweighed all his wins. And from then onwards, it just felt like he kept losing, and losing, and losing, and losing.

Right now, the most mundane thing he'd been losing lately was sleep, at the very least.

He'd gotten a job as a delivery guy at this small chicken joint a couple of streets down his apartment. Some might call it cheating—in his opinion, it was simply taking a shortcut—but he'd leave the bicycle they'd lend him in an alleyway and just swing the chickens to their destination. Sure, changing in and out of his suit was a bit tiring but it was definitely far better than dealing with New York traffic.

Apart from that, he'd also begun with some freelance photography work, dusting off the old DSLR camera Ben and May got him. He got decent at it a while back. But it got long forgotten the minute they bought him his first video game console, two years later.

He was starting off small, from random birthday parties to taking photos of restaurants or any establishment that was looking to use the pictures for ads or whatever. He was up for anything, anyone who didn't mind getting an okay photo at best.

There wasn't much to it, though, since nobody was really keen on hiring someone who didn't have experience. As a matter of fact, he didn't even have a high school diploma. Which had now led to him sacrificing countless hours of studying for his GED tests.

So, it was safe to say that he was handling a lot, especially juggling it with his still ongoing nighttime patrols.

Yet all of that seemed so much easier compared to what he had to deal with once he was lying in bed, wide awake even if it was past midnight. What went on in his day-to-day was only a fraction of the reason why he was losing sleep because his damning thoughts just had a habit of being so loud once everything else had quieted down.

It was hard as it was dealing with grief, even though he for sure had dealt with it more times than needed in such a short amount of time.

But what was more difficult about it this time around, was dealing with alone.

And Peter Parker was truly and utterly, alone.

No fellow Avenger to advise on ways to deal with this. After all, they were the only people who could understand even the slightest bit of what he was going through.

Saving the rest only to fail at saving one, losing someone in the midst of fighting for the rest of the world.

No Happy to offer some guidance on dealing with the loss of someone near and dear to you. Or for him to just be there as someone Peter could relate to, just like when Tony had died.

No Ned and MJ to give him company, offer their different ways of comfort as best as they could. They weren't there to simply make him laugh, offer that tiniest moment of reprieve, distract him with their theories and arguments about anything and everything to help him escape from, well, everything.

Right now, Peter had no one.

Going from having the people he truly cared about be only one call away, to suddenly being someone labeled as 'unknown number' in their contact lists, it was difficult.

But maybe he would just learn to live with it.

And maybe the first step to being able to live with his grief was to visit May frequently.

It didn't matter what time of the day it was. Whether it was early morning or just a few minutes after lunch, or when the sky started tinting orange as the sun slowly set. Midday or midnight, dusk or dawn, it didn't matter as long as he could visit her just once.

Maybe a part of him was hoping that by some miracle he'd hear her voice again, telling him, even if it was the last time, that you're going to be okay.

Peter needed it, so badly. He needed to be told that things would turn out alright because him being fine? It seemed like a far-off dream at this point.

He'd been to space, been to the mirror dimension, fought villains from other universes, been the center of a spell that erased people's memories and made them forget who he was.

Surely hearing the voice of a loved one that had passed wasn't too much to ask?

Yet every day, every moment he ventured into the graveyard, he was met by silence.

Well, aside from the distant hum of New York as life moved on. There was also the deep howl of the wind at night, a few cracking branches accompanied by the soft coo of crows.

Some would probably find peace from all the white noise, but Peter couldn't say he found any comfort in it. He'd only grown accustomed to it, used to tuning out the rest of the world to avoid being reminded of a life he once had.

Still, quietness had always been typical during his visits.

That, until one Saturday afternoon.

•••

Peter sensed another person approaching before he could even see them.

The soft crunch of fallen leaves was what he heard first, followed by a soft humming of some holiday song.

He looked up from the book he was reading, curious eyes landing on someone carrying flowers, a slight pep in her step which was unusual given the location.

Still, there was something about you that Peter couldn't help but be drawn to.

"There we go, all nice and clean," he heard you say, rustling of dried leaves and the soft brushing of clothes following suit. "And flowers well hydrated with bottled spring water."

You were talking to yourself.

It was a habit, he assumed. You just seemed comfortable doing it, as if you were having a mundane conversation with someone else.

Peter found it oddly endearing.

"I brought your favorite this time Dad because I am sure you're complaining to Mom why I always bring her favorite flowers," you explained with a soft laugh. "I sometimes forget you're a flowers type of guy, too."

No—you weren't talking to yourself.

You were talking to the gravestone.

His curiosity piqued even more.

It wasn't that you were being loud, either. Not at all. You were speaking softly as you typically would if you were by yourself in a graveyard, no less.

But because of his enhanced hearing, he simply couldn't help but listen.

"Sorry I haven't been here for a little while, just been busy with you know, moving, college, finding a job with a minimum wage that will not cover rent alone so what even is the point? We look for a job to survive but when we do find a job it doesn't even pay you enough to get by? Some people don't even hire you because 'not enough experience' and I'm like, duh? I'm trying to gain experience hence why I'm applying? Who even invented this shithole?"

Peter found himself nodding along, unable to argue with your claims when they were filled with nothing but the truth.

"Sorry, sorry, it just doesn't make a damn sense," you sighed. He could almost hear you rolling your eyes. "Anyway, I then have other adult things I really don't want to deal with like learning how to deal with taxes and stuff which is so dumb given I'm close to broke and—where does my tax go, anyway? Some politician's tenth vacation to the Bahamas, probably."

For the first time in a long while, Peter cracked a smile.

"Ugh, I am sorry, I promise I don't come here only to complain to you guys," you said, "But I am doing okay…"

He couldn't really explain the 'why,' but the soft tug in his heartstrings was definitely real when he heard the melancholia in your voice.

"The holidays are coming up," you said softly, the slight shake in your tone unmistakable. Yet as it rushed to the surface, it was just as quickly replaced with a chipper one.

"They always tell me how you both are watching over me now. But I don't know if I really want that," you sighed exaggeratedly. "Not because I hate you guys. But imagine if I was having sex? I really don't want to think about you 'watching over me' because it's really uncomfortable."

Peter couldn't stop his snort, his eyes widening as he spared you a glance. He was as grateful that you didn't seem to hear him.

The last thing he wanted was for you to think he was eavesdropping—well, maliciously, at least.

"It's a joke, Mom. See, Dad gets it."

Silence hung in the air after that, a sudden gust of wind blowing away the leaves that littered the snow-covered grass.

But he had a feeling the shake in your voice wasn't because of the cold.

"I really miss you guys…"

Peter left at that.

He didn't see you again for the next few days, probably because he never did visit at the same hour of the day. He never actively tried to see what time you were there, either—if you went every day at all. He'd just become a stalker at that point.

So, every time you did cross paths, it was entirely by chance.

The next encounter was when he brought his lunch with him to the graveyard. He'd caught sight of you sitting on a pink blanket that was laid out on the grass, legs crossed with a box of pizza to your right.

Instinctively, you looked up and over your shoulder when you heard his footsteps.

Your eyes immediately locked with his.

Pretty was the first word that came to his mind.

Beautiful, when you offered him a sweet and warm smile.

"Hello," you greeted.

Peter couldn't help but smile in return.

"Hi."

Nothing else was said after that.

You both respectively ate your lunches in your little corners, your soft humming bringing a comforting peace, one he still couldn't quite explain.

And from there on out, Peter learned that you did go there every day, but it was only either at lunchtime or late in the afternoon.

Because whenever Peter went during those times, you were always there.

As he said, he never actively tried to be there whenever you were. He didn't change anything with his routine. He still went there at random times of the day.

You and him crossing paths simply happened.

And most of those moments, Peter couldn't help but listen in on your rambles.

It might have been wrong, otherwise, creepy, but it wasn't like you were unaware of his presence. You weren't being loud, but you weren't exactly whispering into nothing either. If it were an unenhanced being, they would still hear you, but maybe only slightly inaudible. Peter just had the ability to make out your words a little clearer than the average person.

Besides, all your stories had been mundane at most, quite adorable at best.

Like that one time you ran into a post because you saw a cat wearing some boots and a clear raincoat across the road. Or that time you missed your stop in the subway because you kept talking to a Corgi who was lounging comfortably in their owner's backpack.

"His little legs were so cute!"

Like he said, adorable.

But if it was something personal, though, he'd learned to tune it out. He made sure to keep those matters out of his ear, leaving your private conversations, well, private.

Yet your silly and terrible jokes, your gripes about society and the unfairness of the world, to your little story times and mundane gossip of what you'd heard on the street, Peter couldn't help but tune in as if he was listening to the morning radio.

It made Peter feel lighter somewhat, a feeling he never once associated when being in a graveyard.

He didn't know if it was your stories, or if it was simply hearing that soft tone of your voice. Either way, he found it comforting, which was so strange.

Never had he ever thought he would find comfort from a stranger, no less.

A strange comfort.

•••

"People always ask why did the chicken cross the road. They never ask why the chicken didn't cross the road."

Peter perked up in curiosity, ready to hear another of the many jokes you'd completely ruined.

He found it absolutely hilarious how you were churning typical and old punchlines into horrible ones.

The funniest part was, it seemed like you were doing it on purpose.

"Why, you ask? Because they physically can't anymore," you said, pausing for added effect. "People enjoy eating chicken legs way too much."

Peter's eyes grew wide, gaze landing on the chicken leg he just finished. He couldn't stop the sound that escaped his lips.

It was a mix between a wheeze, a laugh, and a cough.

Loud enough to get your attention.

"Hey," you called, voice sounding closer. "Are you okay?"

"Oh—uhm, hi," he stammered, caught off guard when you were now suddenly in front of him. Clearing his throat, he nodded. "And yeah, I'm good,"

"Do you need some water?" You offered him a bottle.

"No, no, I've got my own," he declined, lifting his bottle. "But thank you."

"Oh okay," you said, smiling sweetly. "It just sounded like you were choking or something so I wanted to make sure if you were alright."

Peter blushed.

"No, I was…uhm—" He scratched the back of his neck. "I was holding back my laugh."

You tilted your head, bottom lip jutted out and Peter found himself thinking of ways to smooth out the little crinkled on your forehead, maybe kiss—wait what?

"Why would you do that?" you asked.

Shit.

Did I say that out loud?

"Sorry?" He blinked at you.

"Why would you hold back your laugh?"

"Oh," he sighed, mostly in relief. "Just didn't want to seem creepy and I wasn't…eavesdropping or anything but I uhm—heard your joke." Chuckling shyly, he smiled. "It was pretty funny."

"Funny because it was bad?" You raised a knowing brow. "If you say it was good then I'm really going to question your sense of humor."

"It was really bad," he admitted, breathing out a laugh.

The way your smile brightened made Peter's heart do a funny thing.

"Thanks," you giggled. "I pride myself in my bad jokes."

"Yeah," he breathed out, willing his heart to stop being so goddamn weird, what is going on with you? "And sorry for not helping the chickens cross the road."

You stared at him confused.

That was until he pointed towards the bag on the ground that had the logo of a chicken on it.

Your hearty laugh rang in the air.

Peter found himself growing warmer at the sound, the burn starting right in his chest and spreading to the whole expanse of his body.

"I—whew, sorry, wow," you heaved after a moment. "Haven't laughed like that in a while."

Both of you fell silent after that—not an awkward one. If anything, it was pleasant, like there was an unspoken understanding being exchanged with a simple look.

"This may seem like weird advice but try and talk to them," you softly said.

Peter looked at you, confused.

You gestured toward the tombstone with a sympathetic smile.

"They might hear it, they might not, there's really no way of knowing," you explained. "But what more could you lose if you try? Plus, you'll get it off your chest and that's always progress."

"I—" Peter nodded, the corner of his lips curling up. "Thank you. I'll keep it in mind."

You smiled at that. "I'll see you around."

"See you around," he hummed, gaze never leaving your figure even as you left, his eyes steady on the path you walked on as he mulled over your words.

It was kind of weird advice, but at the same time, it made perfect sense.

Peter didn't question it nor did he judge—who was he to judge? After all, everyone handled grief differently.

But as he sat down on the ground, eyes steady on the lettering of May's name, he found the words flowing out so easily.

"Hi, May I—" Peter took a sharp breath, blinking away the sting that started to settle in his eyes. "Wow. It's been a while since I've talked to you, huh?"

It started out simple, filling her up with what was new with his life recently—the job, his education, all those mundane stuff.

But then as he shifted from one topic to another, he inevitably started talking about all the things that felt so wrong. And once that train left the station, it was so difficult to stop.

It wasn't a complaint. It was an unloading of the baggage he'd been carrying around alone for quite some time now.

All the loneliness and grief, the boiling anger and consuming regret, the love and the love lost, to the bleak look of what his future held.

Peter didn't realize he was crying until a soft gush of wind brushed his cheeks, the coldness making him catch his breath with a shiver.

And then, a small white butterfly flew right in front of him, stopping momentarily before disappearing into the now setting sky.

Peter let out a breath.

Lighter and relieved.

It could've been a coincidence, or maybe it wasn't at all.

But what more could he lose if he took that as a sign that she heard him?

So with a small, tearful smile, he sighed,

"Thanks for always hearing me out, May."

Since then, he'd grown to tell May about his day. Some were tougher than others, while some were snippets of his new life—mundane and simple but starting to become fulfilling the more he looked at it from different perspectives.

As the weeks passed by, Peter's everyday visits became every other day. At first, the guilt of missing a day was heavily consuming. But it didn't take long for it slowly turn into a soft lull—still there, but not as bad as it used to be.

There was one other thing he hoped for whenever he wandered into the graveyard, though.

To see you again.

If it was one last time just so he could say thank you, then he'd take it.

That didn't mean he wasn't wishing for it to be more.

•••

The hair on every inch of Peter's body stood up when he heard it.

It was definitely not his spider sense going awry. This was very much a human reaction.

Well, he could imagine that when the first thing a person would hear as they venture into a graveyard in the dead of the night was crying, even the toughest men would get spooked.

But as soon as Peter located the source of the sound, his heart broke.

He wasn't expecting to find you, sat on the cold ground alone, hugging your knees to your chest, body shaking with sobs.

His first instinct was to fight whoever it was that made you cry because how fucking dare they?

But with a controlled breath, Peter walked over to you, making sure to step on dried leaves so you'd be aware of his presence.

Your head snapped up at the sound, puffy red eyes landing on him.

His frown could only deepen as he slowly sat beside you, offering you a tender smile with his arms wide open.

You stared at him with furrowed brows, eyes switching between his face and his open arms, downright confused.

Peter couldn't blame you. After all, you didn't know him.

He was ready for you to yell at him for being a creep, to scream at him to get lost. He was prepared for you to push him away—hell, punch him in the face—and run as fast as you could.

But instead, your lips quivered, a broken sob following suit. With your head hung low, you fell into his embrace.

And Peter hugged you as tightly as he could.

He didn't say anything, didn't feel like it was needed. He simply held you close, rubbing circles over your back as he gently rocked you from side to side.

Crying it all out until you couldn't anymore was, most of the time, the best thing you could do at the moment.

So he let you.

Only when your sobs turned to sniffles to soft shaky breaths did you pull away.

"Your shirt," you gasped shakily, bottom lip jutting out as your eyes began to water again. "Oh no, I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," he reassured, squeezing your shoulders before reluctantly letting you go. "I wouldn't have offered you a hug if I minded."

"Thank you," you whispered. "I really needed that."

"No worries." He nodded with a small smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just—" you sighed, wiping your face with the sleeves of your coat. "It's my first holiday alone so it's been kinda tough."

"Me too," he hummed, smiling sadly when you looked at him, a mixture of surprise and understanding crossing your face. "My parents have been gone since I was a kid, and I was left with my uncle and aunt. My uncle died a few years ago so all I had left was her but now she's…"

"I'm sorry," you softly said, your hand finding his.

You gave it a squeeze.

Peter squeezed back.

"I only had my parents growing up," you started, gesturing at the tombstone. "Didn't get to meet my grandparents, never really met many of my relatives because they're all halfway across the world, so now it's just me."

Peter didn't know what it was, exactly. Maybe it was the warmth of your hand still holding his and your kind eyes bearing no judgment or pity. Maybe it was the sheer comfort you provided, one that he still couldn't quite explain.

Either way, he found himself sharing what it had been like for him. Sure, he left out details to keep his deepest secret uncovered, and to come and think about it, it was mostly things connected to Aunt May. But Peter definitely spilled way too much to someone he barely even knew.

He did not regret it one bit.

"I promised to protect her and I—"

"I'm sure you gave it your all," you assured.

"Not enough to keep her alive," he scoffed, tone far more bitter than he intended to. He caught himself, shaking his head. "Sorry, sorry—"

"Never apologize for how you feel," you said firmly.

Peter nodded, his attention caught by your thumb that was absentmindedly running circles over the back of his hand. You'd been holding onto it as you listened to his story, and he found himself not minding it at all.

If anything, a part of him wanted you to never let go.

"But I get it," you breathed out. "The whole 'this is my fault' thing."

"Was it an accident?" he asked softly.

You nodded. "Car crash. Some drunk frat boys thought it was a good idea to test out how fast they could go in their new truck into an open road."

He frowned. "That's not your fault."

"It is," you insisted. "They wouldn't have been out on the road in the first place if they weren't coming to pick me up in the dead of the night." Shaking your head, you scoffed, "I wish I could say I was at a friend's house but they were coming to bail me out of jail."

Attempting to lighten up the mood, Peter softly bumped his shoulder with yours. "Am I in the midst of a troublemaker?"

That earned him a teary chuckle.

He took it as a win.

"Not quite," you sighed, your smile fading. "Got hung up with the wrong crowd. They kept teasing me that I was too much of a miss goody two shoes and that I should live a little."

"Peer pressure is one nasty thing."

"Yeah well, I still did it." You shrugged, anxiously gnawing on your bottom lip. "A group of us were walking home from a party and we passed by this random minimart on the way. My so-called friends thought it was a good idea to dare me to steal one thing from the store, to break my 'good girl' streak as they put it.

"They all gave me ultimatums, one of them was either I steal something or they'll tell the whole school that I was the real definition of 'The freaks in bed are always the quiet ones' so my loser reputation is no more. They said they can't hang around me anymore if I kept being the loser of the group. It was tough because they were all the friends I had."

Peter couldn't stop the surge of pure anger that ran through him. "They sound fucking horrible."

"Yeah, and I was stupid enough to go along with it." Shaking your head, you chuckled, tone void of humor. "It wasn't even the owner who saw me, it was some random white woman yelling bloody murder as if I was burning the goddamn place down. And the second my friends saw the security guards? Oh, they ran, left me there to fend for myself."

Peter unclenched his fist, settling to rub circles on your back instead.

"It was one candy," you choked back a sob, gesturing towards the tombstone. "But the punishment feels—"

Peter wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in for a side hug when you started crying again.

"And you know what hurts most?" you whimpered, fisting his jacket as you laid your head on his shoulder. "Knowing that the last memory they had of me was just filled with disappointment."

"I'm sure that's not true," he said softly, squeezing you close. "They loved you."

"I know they did I just—"

"Wish you could go back and change every decision you made?"

You lifted your head off his shoulder and looked at him, eyes glossy yet he saw the flicker of gratefulness in them.

Peter felt it in himself too, an appreciation to finding someone who could understand even the littlest bit of what he was going through.

"Yeah," you shakily breathed out, letting out a soft laugh as you wiped your nose. "God, what a way to celebrate the holidays, huh?"

He chuckled at that, nodding.

It was definitely something, crying your heart out, spilling all your trauma to a stranger in the dead of night at a graveyard.

But there was only one thought that stayed at the forefront of his mind.

Peter didn't feel so alone anymore.

"Yeah," he hummed, a shy smile playing on his lips. "But I'm glad I'm not alone."

Your whole face brightened, your fingers interlacing with his.

"Me too," you said, smiling. "We're going to be okay."

Peter felt some weight lift off his entire back at those simple words of reassurance.

"We're going to be okay."

Teasingly bumping his shoulder with yours, you hummed, "I'm Y/N, by the way."

You both laughed at the absurdity of it, getting to know each other's pain, regret, hurt and grief before even getting the chance to know a name.

"Peter," he sighed, squeezing your hand. "Peter Parker."

Later that night, he somehow gathered up the courage to ask if you wanted to get some hot cocoa with him. And when you said yes with that smile he'd grown to adore so much, Peter had an inkling that you wouldn't stay a stranger to him in the long run.

But for now, as you laid your head on his shoulder, your soft breaths visible in the cold air, tiny snowflakes on your lashes, face glowing underneath the moonlight, warmth and contentment bloomed in his chest.

Peter was smiling.

Genuine and pure, and perhaps a sign of a new beginning.

A stranger's comfort wasn't so bad, after all.

✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ♛ *.

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