#THE FUCKING WAY I HAD TO ERASE ALL OF IT CAUSE I MADE A HUGE TYPO THEN MAKE THIS

[anervousmirrorball]

burn all the files, desert all your past lives

[lowkeyremi]

OK HEAR ME OUT! Reader who is a single mother of one of Aizawa’s students X Aizawa???? PLEASE I need it!

IM IN LOVE WITH YOU YES OMG I NEED THIS anon im giving you kisses rn

Aizawa x fem!reader (also your denki's mom bc why not)

A small sigh escapes your lips as you pull into the parking lot of your son's school, it's still early in the year and his teacher has requested to meet with you.

He doesn't even have to explain why you're here because you already have a good idea: Denki's grades.

You smooth out your skirt and double check that your blouse is buttoned all the way. Security stopped you at the gate which took around ten minutes to defuse, they honestly thought you looked too young to be anyone's mother.

Thirty-two is a bit young to have a fifteen year old but you know how it goes: unprotected sex = baby. It's the same old story, your boyfriend freaked out and dipped on you.

It made you proud Denki got into a school like this, your goal is for him to further his education... something you never got the chance to do.

Finding his classroom was a whole other situation. UA is HUGE. So poor you is walking around every corner looking for class "1-A".

"Are you lost?" A voice loud and energetic asked, it caused you to jump in your skin. When you turn your head you see blond hair sticking upward toward the ceiling and a pair of goofy shades. He notices your giggle and quirks an eyebrow.

"Are you a new student?!" The blond questions, his face is full of energy and excitement.

"No.. do I really look that young?" You ask, smile bright.

"You do look pretty young." As soon as he says that it dawns on him that you might be a younger mother.

"Ah- sorry! I just-"

"Don't worry about it. I was actually looking for class 1-A, my son's teacher requested to meet with me." His eyes widen.

"Don't you worry, I can take you to Eraserhead's class!" With that you follow him down a flight of stairs and you guys turn like four corners. Well damn, you were way off.

You had been too caught up into your thoughts to realize he stopped, you bumped right into him.

"Sorry." He gives you a soft smile, "It's nothing!"

He knocks loudly, "Oh, Eraser! You have a visitor!" The blond doesn't even wait for a response to open the door, he just bursts in.

"Well I've gotta go now! Take care Miss..."

"L/n, the name's L/n." A thumbs up is sent your way before the loud blond man leaves.

A deep voice causes your brain to stir, "Thank you for coming on such a short notice, Miss L/n."

And what the fuck because Denki's teacher has beautiful long black hair, stubble, and a little scar under his right eye. He must be married you assume, because no way a handsome man like him is single.

You respond with confidence in your voice, "Of course, I apologize for keeping you waiting. I got lost."

His face softens as he motions for you to sit on the chair he's placed by his desk.

"Understandable, UA is not small. Let's get down to business, shall we?" He sits at his desk, organizing some papers before handing you a few. You feared the worst, Denki always strived to do his best so you shouldn't have anything to even fear.

"My students have been under attack a few times by villians, we've spoke to the board about the situation, because parents are worried about their children." You were relieved this had nothing to do with his grades but it scared you that villians were out for high schoolers.

"I thought the attacks stopped." Aizawa nods at you.

"They have for the time being but we fear they won't completely stop, which is why UA is building a dormitory system to keep students safe. What I've handed you is the consent form for your son to live on campus. It's not manditory but it is highly suggested." He explains to you and you read the pages.

"How do I know Denki will be in good hands?" You ask biting your lip, it doesn't go unnoticed by Aizawa because his eyes flicker to your lips then back up to your face.

"I understand what it's like to lose someone close to you, which is why I put so much effort and care into my students, they may say and think otherwise but they don't see what happens behind the scenes." You could tell his words were sincere, it wasn't convincing enough though. You worry too much about him and just the mere thought of losing him is enough to scare you.

Aizawa leans in to place a hand on yours, it feels tingly.

"I know all you have is my word to go off of, but I promise you I will protect your son and all my other students with my life." His eyes burn into yours. You get lost in those beautiful black eyes.

"Uh- hah. I'll look over the papers."

In the end you sign the papers.

"Mom you have to tell me who's taking you to dinner!" Denki says for the millionth time over the phone. You call him almost every night to check in on him.

"It's none of your business, young man." You'd tell him when you were ready. Just... not now. He'd freak out if he knew you were going out to dinner with his teacher.

Before you left that day, Aizawa asked for your number. You happily gave it to him, there was no way in hell you'd miss out on a chance like that.

After a month of just talking (and flirting) he asked you out for dinner, you agreed of course.

"But mommmmmm why nottttttt?" Denki whined.

"I'll tell you when we're ready. Anyways I have to go. Take care, sweetheart." He sighs but tells you he loves you. "I love you too, Denki." He hangs up, leaving you to finish your makeup.

The plan was originally to meet at dinner, but Aizawa was not letting up until you agreed that he could pick you up.

Your hands were starting to sweat again. It's normal to be this nervous, right? Dating hadn't really been in your line of vision while raising a child. It seemed to be the same process: go out with someone, get along nicely, start developing real feelings, they find out you have a son, they leave.

It seemed refreshing to finally go out with someone who knew you were raising a young man. Waiting it out seems to have been the right choice. Aizawa is a mature man.

The door bell rings and you shoot up out of your seat like a rocket.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck, I look okay right?" It felt weird to ask your reflection, but self love is everything these days.

Your burgundy v cut dress was a bit on the short side, it hugged your body which made you a little insecure. You'd heard some women say pregnancy made them glow. You were convinced otherwise, it took you some time to finally feel beautiful.

Your walk to the door was dreadful, what if he takes it all back? Upon opening the door he was standing there in all his beauty. His raven colored hair was put up in a messy bun, his stubble cleaned up some, and he looked a little less tired. Your eyes inched down his body, he's wearing a white button up and black slacks.

"You're beautiful." The two of you say at the same time. Your eyes widen.

"Thank you, I was actually kind of nervous." His face softens at your words. The hero holds his hand out so you can take it. Just like the last time his hand was warm and made you feel tingly. You chuckled at how dumb that sounded, definitely sounds like something from a cheesy romance novel.

Dinner was a little awkward but beyond amazing. A waitress spilled wine on you, she apologized like a million times. You weren't mad though, having a son meant many messes were made... especially on you. The wine didn't stain that bad because of your dress color.

Aizawa offered you the jacket he kept in his car. Accepting it was a no brainer. He held it out for you and you gave him a confused look.

"I'll put it on you, come here." His voice was low and seductive. He noticed your smile. "You're so cute." He whispers as you put your arms in the jacket sleeves.

"Only cute?" Your question was followed by your signature smirk. The food was paid for, his hand wrapped around your waist and he walked you two to his car.

"Sexy, funny, chatty.... I could go on." He says with a smug smile.

"Oh stop it, I'm not sexy-" You don't get to finish your sentence, Aizawa twirls you around so you guys are facing each other. His hands rest on your hips for a second and in a flash he's cupping your face.

Your heart started beating a mile per minute... no second. He slowly pulls you in, those lazy eyes looking into yours. His lips look so kissable.

You pucker your lips and he presses his lips to yours, there weren't any fireworks or sparks like in Disney movies, it felt like he was one with you. Your body was connected to his in a way.

When the kiss is over he's staring at you, "you are sexy, I don't know who's lied to you."

__________

When he pulls into your driveway, you realize this date is almost over. Hopefully he'll agree to going out again. He seemed to enjoy the night as much as you did.

He walked you up to your door, eyes trained on you.

Your feet stop on your doormat. It felt like you were stuck in cement.

"Will I be seeing you again, Aizawa?"

"Call me Shota, and yes, I'll be seeing you again." He faces you and kisses you again. A sigh of relief escapes your lips.

"Call me." You say and he hums in acknowledgement.

Maybe... trying again at dating won't hurt you.

Hiii anon, I hope you like this!! I don't think this has been my best work but I think it shouldn't be that bad? Lol imagine how Denki would react when he finds out you're with his teacher. Love you guys, working on Teacher's Assistant ch. 1

[starryalpacasstuff]

Last Twilight Episode 12;

Like most people, I did not like the ending of Last Twilight. It took me a while to gather my thoughts and find time to write on the episode, but in the meantime, I've been reading what others have had to say about the show, and I have a few thoughts.

As @waitmyturtles talked about here, discussing whether or not Day should have gotten his vision back presents an ethical dilemma. I've seen a few posts of people who dislike the fandom's outrage against Day getting his vision back, talking about how his getting his vision back does not undo all that he learned and did while he was disabled. Setting aside the fact that Day did not grow through the series, (which @chalkrevelations wrote about here) a big problem for me is feeling like the narrative did a complete 180 post-episode 10. A massive portion of the show was spent with Day learning to accept his blindness and learning to work with it, and although we knew that the surgery was on the table from episode one, it ended up feeling like it came out of nowhere in the final episode. One of the main reasons for this, I think, is because the show barely brought up the surgery in the first 3/4ths of the show (I can think of like 2 instances where it was mentioned) and then it's dropped onto us by Mhon and Night crashing Day and Mhok's date, after which everything became about the surgery. Up till the third quarter of the show, I had enjoyed that the story had such a tight storyline, with such clear intentions. But then the show veered into a very different direction post episode 10, which made the show feel completely different to what it was.

As @waitmyturtles says in her post, it could have been so much better if Day was able to actively choose the surgery, and that we, as an audience, got to see him actually consider the various paths that lay before him. For the surgery to have made sense, narratively speaking, the story would have to be slightly different. You don't just spend 10 episodes of a show working towards a theme and then end the show with the exact opposite of the theme. The final two episodes felt like they were of a completely different show (now, doesn't that sound familiar).

While we're talking about feeling betrayed by the narrative, I want to talk about Mee, and Last Twilight the book. They managed to fuck up Mee's story, and I am aghast. The significance of Mee's story, especially the ending, was completely thrown out by the episode, in particular the montage, which had me fuming. What happened to Day understanding what the author meant to convey by Mee's ending while Mhok didn't, because he felt a sense of kinship with the author's daughter, who Mee was based upon? Mee's story had reliably predicted Day's almost to the end, so what happened? They tried to subvert the ending of the novel, with Day 'reflecting' on Mee's story in the background of the montage. But all that it did was completely go against everything that the show and the novel had stood for.

Life amidst that dilemma caused me to forget what it was like to live a normal life, or how happy I could be.

Sincerely, what the fuck? A huge part of Last Twilight was Day finding, creating a new normal with Mhok. Day learning that his blindness didn't make him abnormal. But this completely erases that. It's saying that living as a blind person, Day wasn't living a normal life, nor was he truly happy.

When Mhok finished reading the story to Day, Day understood. He understood why the author chose to end the story that way, because he understood that being blind for the rest of his life wasn't a curse. He understood Mee, understood her joy, understood that she hadn't disappeared, understood that the ending of the book wasn't tragic.

What Day says here, is that he was heartbroken about Mee's fate because he related to her and felt like they shared the same fate, but he realizes that his story doesn't need to be the same as Mee's.

Isn't Day feeling pity for Mee here? Isn't he doing exactly what he broke up with Mhok for, viewing Mee as some tragic figure, when 6 years ago he had understood that Mee was not someone he needed to feel sorry for? I've posted about how important it was that Mee's story's ending was written with Mee rejoicing, rather than being written as a tragedy. It was so important that Day understood the author's intentions, rather than viewing it as a tragic story. So then, what changed? I don't know, this may be a bit of a stretch, but these lines just seem so wrong, and hypocritical coming from Day.

The intended purpose of this message seems to have been hope for a new, better life. But, if Day's blindness was the worst chapter of his life, what was the point of him learning to accept his blindness, to live with it, and what was the point of showing it to us?

Before the final episode aired, I had said that I hoped that we'd get a nod to Mee's story in the end, to add onto the impact and relevance of Mee's story in Day's. What we got instead, was a preachy reflection that went against everything that the first 10 episodes of the show had stood for, accompanied by a useless montage that completely upended the significance of the stories of both the show and the novel.

In the few minutes this montage lasted, it managed to successfully tear down everything that the first 10 episodes had shown us, everything that Mee's story had told us. Borrowing this one from @lurkingshan's tags in this post, how can a creator misunderstand their own narrative so badly?

I hesitate to use the term ableist to describe the last episode. But what I'm getting from this montage is that Day believes that he was neither normal nor happy while he was blind, and believes that it was the worst chapter of his life. Mee's story, one that is based on a little girl who was going blind, is shown as tragic, in contrast to Day's 'happy and normal' life. And that message seems pretty ableist to me. Which also makes me wonder, how much did Day really 'learn' from his time as a blind person? Because from what I'm getting from this montage, it wasn't a whole lot.

[kanmom51]

JK on Bruontheradio - coming soon

*Disclaimer: This post came out way longer than I initially intended it to be, and is a little bit of a brain fart. You have been warned, lol.

Josh “Bru” Brubaker

Love how even with this we have Jimin reference.

JK just cannot help himself.

He did tell us "the love of my life".

And what about the first thing that JK shows us is this:

Bad lighting he probably didn't really count on, but yes, his hand tattoos.

And I know there will be those that will say: "he's showing us ARMY", but I say it's a double for him, cause man ain't stupid, he knows fans will go crazy he's showing ARMY, and at the same time I believe he's showing the JM tattoo as well. You know, the JM that did the exact same kind of clip before him. The JM that spent 5 days WITH HIM in NY (and CT). The JM that is his "love of my life". That JM.

Same JM that @andy-wm wrote a beautiful post about just a few hours ago:

Ok, so I guess I'm going to talk about this here, even though I will probably repeat it many times to come.

Seven for JK is about love not fucking.

There. I said it.

And why do I bring this up here?

Because of the hand he so graciously showed us.

Because of JK's JM tattoo.

Because of said tattoo's placement.

Ring finger. For all to see.

How long have we known the J over the M stood for JM?

Us Jikookers?

I'd say since forever.

It's the rest of the fandom that kept trying to find excuses why it wasn't. Why it stood for everything under the sun other than the obvious. The one person that JK puts above others. The one person JK has been showing for years now that is special to him, in a way that is way beyond even the best of friendships. When you tattoo someone's name on you that is a statement. You are literally branding yourself with their name till the day you die (yes you can erase tattoos, but when you are having a tattoo done that is not what you are thinking of, in that moment in time you are painting your skin for life).

And JK did that. One sided.

He also made sure to let us know that the theories running around for years about what that J meant (you know, the army and J means all the members bullshit) were crap. Yes, he didn't tell us out loud that the J placed over the M stood for JM, but he didn't deny it either. He omitted that. Which is understandable given they are still a closeted couple and we all know that admitting to that, would be admitting to their queerness. As much as JK wants out of the closet, as much as he wants to scream blue murder that JM is his and his alone, he won't do it as long as JM isn't ready. And saying the JM is Jimin out loud, that would be outing not only himself but also the love of his life, when said love of his life is not ready for that yet. So he said the J stands for Jungkook and moved on at the speed of lightening. Without addressing the huge ass elephant in that room - why place it over the M knowing EXACTLY what it looked like? (we know the answer to that, but omitting is the name of the game - said that already).

So yeah, JK tattooed JM on his hand. For all of us to see. And he keeps touching it up. Darkening it. At times specifically those two letters.

I actually had a post in draft that is kind of redundant now, about how I noticed his JM at the airport leaving for the States.

That pinky ring, that actually isn't a pinky ring cause it's JM's ring, which he didn't wear when JM was there in NY with him, but had it back on travelling to London, JM gone back to SK, looks kinda too small even for his pinky, lol.

Now to Seven.

Like I said, JK sees Seven as a love song.

Yes, he sang the explicit version, but that's not what HE feels the song is about. And he's said it multiple times too.

This is what JK thinks about Seven:

and from the MV making:

and:

and from Stationhead radio 20th July appearance:

I think JK is being very clear here. Pity people aren't listening to him. This, for him, is a love song.

Yes, he knows it's very sexual, but it's about being with the person you love more than anything else and wanting to make that person happy. And him saying "the love of my life" that might have been on purpose (wouldn't put it past him) or even as a slip of the tongue, but it cements how he feels about the song, that might not have been written by him, but he most definitley feels an emotional connection with. I'd say kind of like Euphoria or Only then.

And now back to the hand and to JM and their place in JK's promotions for this song.

Not coincidently, JM is laced through every single part of the promotions for this song.

He's in the photo shoot concept.

He's in the MV (yes, what can you do, they had to go with a gf and hetero love story in the MV cause JK's first solo worldwide cannot be a queer love affair MV, that's just the way the cookie crumbles... not New jeans cookie - yuck - just writing that makes me feel ewe...).

He's in the choreography

There are more similarities than those I pointed out in that post. And again, it's not about JK stealing JM's moves from SMF pt. 2 (which we know the man LUVED). It's about JM inspiring him. And believe you me, that JM knew every single step of the way. The song, the MV and the choreo.

It's in the styling (not only the photo shoot).

And JM is just there, with JK all the time, on his hand, just out there for everyone to look and see.

For those saying the J is covered, nope, it ain't. The ring band is see through, cause that's just a thing JK does.

This finger pointing, not intentional in my opinion, just a little coincidence (JK holding the mic, as he does in the GMA performance as well, but in the Explicit performance with no mic in hand he covers his face just like the backup dancers do), and yet, a lovely one at that.

This is the way JK wanted it to be. Since way back in 2019 when he added that J over the M. For everyone to see all of the time!

So, where was I?

To sum this absolutely probably unnecessary post.

JK loves JM.

JK had JM tattooed on his hand.

JK chose Seven because he liked the song (and it's really a good one) and he also connected with it on an emotional level.

JK sees the song as a love song, expressing him wanting and needing to be with the person he loves, the love of his life, constantly, and showing said person how much he loves him and wanting to make them happy.

Yes, there is an explicit version to the song, yay, they replaced "loving" with "fucking". JK sings it, finds it amusing to say the word out loud, but when asked about it, it's the clean version, the love song version that he is connected to.

JK wanted to show us, in the ways that he, as a closeted queer man can, loves JM, is inspired by JM, and that JM is a part of who he is, as a man, as an artist.

Those two may not have come up with the "you are me I am you", but they most certainly took ownership of it. And JK, he's out there showing us just how true it is.

I think maybe it's about time that army:

a. Go read the lyrics to the song and understand that even the explicit version is talking about being with one person, the one you want to make feel good 7 days a week, and not about fucking someone else every day of the week. It's called reading comprehension, I think they need a lesson in that.

b. For once, even just once, listen to what JK is saying, what he's been saying ever since he started the promotion for this song.

This army was listening:

Well, at least to some of what JK has been saying.

I am guessing she's not a Jikooker, lol.

c. This one is for JKKs and PJMs. Try, for just one second, to put your feelings about the way JM's solo debut was treated BY THE COMPANY, and see with untainted glasses just how much this man loves JM. You know how much he promoted him personally and without the company's approval. He adores him, admires him, I'm willing to go so far as to worships him. JM is his catalyst. JM is the love of his life. JK would NEVER do something to disrespect or hurt JM. JK is trying to show us just how much JM is a part of who he, JK, is. He's trying to show us how much he is inspired by JM. How much he loves him. All this anger you are holding towards JK you need to let it go. JK as an artist is not the company as a promoter, they are not one and the same. On the way, I also recommend reading @beautifulpersonpeach's post:

Maybe, just maybe it will give you a little more insight or at the very least food for thought.

Ok, I think that's the end of this one. I kind of think I was all over the place here, and not so sure I got the message through, but it is what it is. Brain farts are not always pretty...

[sacredbbl]

Fraternity Fever

JAKE X READER

Chapter 3

CW: Cussing, Oral both receiving, Marijuana, Alcohol, sexual intercourse, intoxication, fingering , protected sex

.

.

.

.Chapter 3

Y/N POV

As soon as you left the bathroom, you ran straight to Jayden.

“Why the fuck were you taking so long? Were you shitting at the frat party?!” Jayden said, clearly a little frustrated that you had disappeared. You took the last sip of your White Claw and turned to her.

“I need something stronger,” you grabbed her hand and pulled her to the jungle juice.

“Y/N you're sure you want to do that? You didn’t have a good time yesterday!” she warned you. But you didn’t care. You wanted to forget about Jake. You wanted to completely erase him from your mind. So, you grabbed a cup and filled it up to the brim with jungle juice, quickly chugging it. Some of the juice ran down your neck, causing your skin to shine in the lights. All of a sudden, you felt Jake’s eyes staring at you. You smirked before grabbing another cupful. Leaving the red, sticky liquid dripping down your neck. You made eye contact with him before taking a huge sip and licking your lips.

“Jesus Y/N, calm down,” Jayden warned. “I am going to go dance, come with me if you want. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she said with a wink. She then disappeared into the crowd. You finished your second cup, and began to fill up a third. You then snaked your way through the crowd to Jayden. She was dancing with a bunch of her sorority sisters. Despite not knowing them all too well, you joined her. The drinks were flowing and you were feeling yourself. You knew that Jake’s brothers had their eyes on you, but you only wanted him. You drank more than you ever had. This night was going to be interesting. You watched as Danny and Sam were released from their door duties by other pledges, Danny making his way across the room, and grabbing two beers.

Jake POV

As you sat against the counter, Y/N caught your attention, stood on top of the fireplace. Before you could move, Sam had gotten to her - lifting her down.

You didn’t know what had come over you, but you knew that you had to get Y/N away from Sam. Why were you feeling this way about her? Before you knew what you were doing, you found yourself barrelling through the crowded room to Sam and Y/N, grabbing her by the wrist.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” you spoke, glaring at your younger brother.

“I’m just having a little fun! What’s up your ass?” he replied, furrowing his eyebrows at you.

“You know what? I’ll deal with you later, Y/N, come on.” You held her wrist tightly, walking her through the crowd to the stairway.

“What the fuck Jake!” she shouted. You didn’t stop taking her up the stairs and closer to your room. “Jake what is your issue?!” She squealed. You then turn around, your eyes focused on her.

“Jesus, you can not handle your alcohol, can you Y/N? You’re making a fool of yourself.”

She looked up at you, confused.

“Why the fuck do you care what I do Jake? You hate me, right? Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to tell me? You obviously don’t want me anywhere near you, so why the fuck do you care?”

You didn’t know how you felt about her, but you did know that she was too drunk to have this conversation right now.

You continued to your room. Dodging drunk party goers as you walked. Finally making your way to the room, you let her in and locked the door behind you.

Y/N POV

What the fuck was he doing? What the fuck were YOU doing? You just wanted to forget about him, but here you were, stood in his room, watching him seething at you.

“Sit,” he ordered, his voice low as he pointed towards the couch that he had slept on the night before. You obliged, making your way towards the couch, and sitting down, crossing your hands across your lap. You found yourself unable to look at him - you couldn’t figure out what you were feeling, shame? You could feel his eyes on you, before his palm made its way under your chin, lifting your face up. You kept your eyes firmly placed on the floor, not knowing what would happen if you looked at him.

“Fucking look at me,” he hummed, not bothering to crouch down to your level. You did as you were told, looking into his eyes.

“Just tell me what you fucking want, Jake, just spit it out! One second I’m in your bed, the next you’re degrading me, and the next we’re hidden in the bathroom with your hands all fucking over me. So tell me!” you yelled, unable to control the tears that began to flow from your eyes, no doubt spoiling your makeup.

Jake POV

You looked at her, slightly taken aback by her sudden outburst.

“I don’t fucking want you,” you growled, crouching down slightly. “But Sam, of all people, CAN’T have you. Nobody can.” You didn’t understand how those words could come out of your mouth - telling her that you didn’t want her, yet still, she was yours. “You’re nothing to me. I don’t care if you’re going to make yourself out to be a fool in front of everyone, but don’t drag my fucking brother into it,” you continued, as the tears flowed. You took a moment to wipe your thumb over her cheeks. “Don’t cry. I’m not spending another night taking care of you.” You watched her as she stood, pushing your hand away from her. As soon as she began to speak, sirens. The lights illuminated the room in a mixture of blue and red. “Don’t move a fucking muscle,” you spoke, looking around the room in a panic. She tried to make her way to the door, before your hands wrapped around her waist. “You’re going to fucking get arrested, sit down and wait. I’ll be back in a minute, we’ll finish this then.”

She did as she was told, sitting down onto the bed, and folding her arms across her chest.

As you made your way downstairs, you could feel the panic in the air, people scrambling out the back door, trying to climb over tables, pulling their clothes on as fast as they could. It wasn’t the first time that you had had the police at your door. You quickly did a headcount as people were chased through the lawn. Jayden, Danny, Josh. Jayden, Danny, Josh. Fuck.

Finding a lawn chair to stand on, you looked over the crowd, seeing Josh speaking to one of the officers, clearly working his magic as the other man nodded along. Where the fuck was Sam?

You scrambled your way through the house, checking the bathroom, the basement, his room, every other room, but to no avail.

As you were making your way over to Danny, intending to ask him where he had gone, your phone began to vibrate. Unknown number.

Raising it to your ear, a meek voice spoke.

“Hey, uh..Jake?”

“Where the fuck are you?” you replied, recognising the voice to be your youngest brother.

“At the station, long story. Can you come get me, please? Don’t tell Josh,” he was quiet, as if he was afraid of your reaction.

“Okay, I’m coming.”

You pushed your phone back into your pocket, the shock had sobered you, managing to grab your keys. It was only a short drive to the station, one of the only good things about it. As you opened the door, there he sat - Sam, a busted lip adorning his face.

“What the fuck happened to you?” you asked, looking at him. He looked to the ground. You’d never seen him this nervous before.

“Well after you yelled at me I was back on the door, this dude came up and tried to come in. I told him that he needed at least three girls with him because of the ratio, like you said. Then the dude punched me! Obviously I punched him back, but right after I hit him he pulled out his fucking badge.”

“Fuck dude, that is so wrong.” You were taken aback. You knew Sam could fight but he didn’t usually want to.

You sighed. “Well dude I am going to get you out of here but you are going to have to tell Josh before he sees the mugshot.”

“Alright, thank you Jake,“ he sighed as you left him and went to the counter. You paid the lady the bail for him, more than you would have admitted to Josh, and waited for him to be let out.

Y/N POV

As you sat on Jake’s bed, you thought about how you got yourself into this situation. All of a sudden, your mind felt more clear. What had he meant when he said he didn’t want you, but nobody else could have you? You couldn’t figure out how, or why, he could be so cruel to you. As your mind raced, you grabbed your phone from your pocket, opening a message from Jayden.

Jayden: Where the fuck are you?

You: I am still in the house.

Jayden: Why the fuck are you still in the house? You’re literally ASKING to be arrested.

You: I’m in Jake’s room. I’m fine.

Jayden: You’re in his room again? Were you two hooking up? Yess girl get that dick!

You: We were absolutely NOT hooking up. Just talking.

Jayden: I don’t get it, you’re alone in Jake's room twice and you haven’t hooked up?

You: Yeah?

Jayden: Wow… Well I am going to bed. See ya in the morning

You: Goodnight

You shut your phone off, and started to walk around his room. Learning more about him than he would ever tell you. You found a shelf full of books, grabbing one that looked well loved and taking it to the couch. You sat and opened the book. If you were going to be waiting for him, you might as well entertain yourself.

You paged through the book, nothing exactly catching your attention until you began chapter three, finding a polaroid hidden between the pages. As you studied it, you noticed a slightly younger Jake. He was smiling, and with a brunette - she was beautiful, and he seemed happy. Not wanting to get caught snooping, you placed the picture back between the pages, before returning the book back to its rightful place. By now, it was 4AM. That didn’t make sense - the cops had been gone for at least two hours now, what was he doing? It was 4AM, it has been three hours since Jake left you in his room.

Jake POV

As you and Sam walked to your Jeep, you remembered how long it had been since you had left Y/N in your room. You found yourself wondering if she would still be there when you got home, whether she had stayed up for you.

“You are really lucky he threw the first punch. An underage charge is easy to deal with but assaulting an officer isn’t,” you stated, turning your head to look at him for a moment.

“I know, I know, I promise that I’ll pay you back..” he replied, clearly embarrassed about this whole situation.

You couldn’t believe how fast the house had been emptied, it was beyond quiet. You ran your hand through your long hair as you stepped through the door. Walking up the stairs with Sam, you found yourself standing outside Josh’s door.

“I would tell Josh now. You know he checks the mugshots as soon as he wakes up the morning after a party gets shut down.”

He nodded, and gently rapped on his door. You couldn’t tell who was more nervous, you or him. As you opened the door you were pleasantly surprised that Y/N was still there, waiting on the couch.

“Where the fuck were you? I was just about to leave.” She sounded angry, and had definitely sobered up.

“I don’t know why you need to know,” you quickly quipped back. You could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. Her eyes were like knives, staring up at you.

“You know what, Jake? If you’re just going to be a dick again, I am going to go.” She turned to leave and without any thought, you grabbed her wrist.

“You can't walk back to your dorm right now, it’s not safe.”

“Why do you care?” she said with a sigh.

“Because I do….” Did I just admit I care about her?

“Fine, I'll sleep on the couch,” she said, huffing.

“No, don't sleep on the couch. Sleep on the bed. I’ll keep to myself, promise, ” you offer. She shook her head, her hair falling over her face.

“Fine, but you can't cross this line,” she huffed, dragging her hand down the middle of the bed.

“Yes ma’am,” you joke as you climb into bed. This was the first time that you’d had a girl in your bed that you actually cared for in the last three years. You wouldn’t let yourself fall asleep until you knew she was asleep. She was so beautiful, so close, yet still so far.

Y/N POV

As the warm sun hit your face, you yawned your exhaustion away. You found yourself tangled up in a pair of strong arms. You could admit you liked it until you realized who they belonged to. Jake. You turned your head to look at him. He was so peaceful, so at ease, but you couldn’t have this happen.

You nudged him. “Jake. Jake!”

“It's too early,” he replied, not bothering to open his eyes. You tried again and this time he seems to wake up.

“Oh shit, what time is it?!” He basically jumps out of the bed.

You check your phone. “It's 8:30.”

“So it’s early. Sorry for breaking my promise last night,” he said as he combed his fingers through his beautiful hair, pushing it away from his face.

“It's no big deal,” you replied, knowing that all you wanted was for him to hold you again. You caught his big brown eyes staring at your lips.

This morning felt different. You could feel the tension building between you. Both wanting to act on your feelings, but not wanting to show the other how you felt. Suddenly, you felt his hands pushing you towards the door, his lips crashing into yours. Your heart skipped a beat as you ran your hands through his hair. His hands once again made their way to your hips, pulling you closer to him. You brought your own hands down by his waist, fumbling to find his belt. He seemed to tense with excitement as you managed to undo his belt and grab him in your hand.

He moaned ever so softly as you began to kiss a trail from his neck to his chest. Making your way to your knees, you looked up at him as if to ask permission - his hands gave you all the motivation you needed. You slowly licked your way from the base to the tip, before fully taking him into in your mouth. He gasped, moving his hand to hold your hair. He gently pushed your head towards him, making you take all of him. As you moved your head back and forth, you could feel him hardening. His low moans signaled that he was getting close. Then, you heard your phone ringing. You decided to ignore it the first time, and the second. But when it rings again, you could tell he was fed up. He watched as you removed yourself from him, and answered your phone. Jayden.

“Hey Y/N! I'm locked out of the room and it has my Bio 305 project that's due in 15 minutes. Can you please come quickly!” She sounded nervous, almost frantic. “It is worth 25 percent of my grade!”

You looked back at him, catching his eye, before mouthing a “Sorry!”

“Yeah Jay, I am on my way,” you hung up the phone and quickly adjusted yourself.

“Can’t you finish?” Jake pleads, a soft sigh leaving his lips.

“Sorry, I need to go,” you explained, making your way out the door and down the stairs. On your way through the kitchen you quickly greeted Josh, Sam, Danny and a couple other brothers and made your way out of the door and into the crisp autumn air, still in disbelief of what had just happened.

Jake POV

Pissed about the whole situation, you tucked yourself into your waistband and made your way down the stairs to get some coffee. You could feel all eyes on you when you finally got to the kitchen. Josh, of course, was the one to break the silence.

“So Jake, are you hooking up with Y/N? ‘Cause this is the first time in about three years you’ve had the same girl stay overnight twice in a row.” You watched as Sam almost choked on his coffee, and Danny tried to hold his laughter in. You rolled your eyes, shooting all three of them a look.

“No Josh, in fact we haven’t hooked up at all. Why are you meddling in my sex life?” you said, as you poured your coffee and joined them at the table.

Danny chimed in, then. “Jesus man, learn how to control your mood swings. Is it your time of the month, or something?” You noticed Sam trying his best to hold in what he was about to say. You turned your attention towards him, his eyes catching yours.

“Go on, Sam. Say what you want to say.”

He responded quickly, backing down. “I would, but I’m giving you a twenty four hour grace period for bailing me out. As a thank you, not because I want to.” He then stood up from the table, and headed towards the door, not wanting to get himself into more trouble.

“Look, you made Sam run away!” exclaimed Josh.

You took one more sip of your coffee, and got up. “Bye dumbasses. Gotta get to class.” You grabbed your bag from near the door and made your way towards campus.

Y/N POV

As you raced to the dorm room, your mind was filled with memories of the past 24 hours. The way that Jake had spoken to you, the way that he had handled you in the bathroom, the way that you were willing to wait up for him. The way that you had woken up. Oh God, the way that you had left him. You had an idea about how he would be feeling right now - probably close to the way that he had left you feeling after the bathroom - left hanging. Yeah, this was payback. What was he going to do about it?

You opened the door for Jayden, having never seen her so thankful in your life. As soon as she began her barrage of questions that you didn’t have the answers to, your phone vibrated.

JakeTKiszka: Library.

You opened the message, staring down at it for a moment, doing your best to prevent Jayden from peering over your shoulder. Oh, he was pissed.

“I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later?” you spoke, not waiting to hear her answer. You weren’t completely sure what you would say to him when you saw him - apologize? ask HIM to apologize? Either way, you were going to find out sooner rather than later.

The library was as quiet as always, for the beginning of the semester - most lecturers hadn’t covered enough content for there to be anything to study, but of course, Jake had to be different. You found him sat at one of the tables in the back, earphones in. You sat across from him, noticing how quickly he recognised your presence and pulled the earphones from his ears, practically slamming the laptop closed.

“So. Are you gonna tell me what was so important this morning?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. You considered lying, maybe saying that Jayden had been in trouble, but decided against it, that boy had a way of getting things out of you.

“Uh.. Jayden locked herself out, she had some important assignment or something that she had to do and I had to let her in.”

His eyes shifted over you, taking you in. “And that was more important than me, I see. You spend so much time riding my dick I’m surprised you didn’t take the chance when you got it.”

You couldn’t help but blush for a moment, meeting his eyes. “I don’t.. what? No, I just-“ you stumbled over your words, unsure of what to say next. “I’m sorry.” you finished, slightly shrugging your shoulders.

“Come here,” he replied, patting the seat next to him.

Raising an eyebrow, you didn’t move. “What? Why?”

“You’re going to show me exactly how fucking sorry you are,” Jake hissed.

Jake POV

You watched her as she moved across the table, meekly sitting into the chair. She looked at you, clearly waiting for your next move. “Where are we?” you asked, a smirk making its way onto your lips.

“The library?” she replied, her face contorted into confusion.

“Good girl. And what’s the number one rule of the library?” As you spoke, you snuck your hand onto her thigh, your fingers slipping in under the fabric of her skirt. She gasped quietly, looking around the room. Moving your hand up further, you watched her lips part, a sharp inhale filling her lungs. “I asked you a question.”

“S- Stay quiet.” she replied. As soon as she had answered, you noticed her thighs falling apart from one another, a silent invitation.

You dipped a finger inside of her, only to the first knuckle, her head falling back. Sucking a quiet hiss through your teeth, you continued, placing your lips onto her neck, her soft skin raising to meet you. Her hands quickly became entangled in your hair, the strands welcoming her. As her nails scraped against your skin, you couldn’t stop the gentle groan that left your lips. Looking up at her, you noticed her head had fallen back, biting her lips to keep them shut. You pulled your tongue over her neck, sucking soft, purple marks onto it. Moving your hand slowly, you rested your thumb onto her already swollen clit, her hips instantly raising to meet you.

What a perfect sight, her hands gripping onto you for dear life, her skin showing pale bruises, her legs almost shaking. Moving your thumb in a figure-eight, she spoke once more.

“Please.. Don’t fucking stop”. Her voice was quivering, and you could tell that she was beginning to get close.

You obliged, gently pushing another finger into her, moving them in tandem. Suddenly, her grip on your hair became tighter, eliciting a low groan, before her hips moved up even further, a soft whine leaving her throat. As she rode it out, you removed your hand, pushing your laptop into your bag. Turning around to look at her, as you left, you placed your fingers into your mouth, pulling them through. You had never seen the expression that came across her face before, but you’d be damned if you didn’t see it again.

Y/N POV

After Jake left, you sat quietly in shock. What just happened? Am I dreaming? Was that real?

You pinched yourself, definitely real.You picked up your bag and quietly made your way out of the library. Did anyone hear you? You pulled out your phone, to find a direct message.

JakeTKiszka: Send me your number.

You did as you were told, almost immediately you got a new message.

845-975-4206: Hey gorgeous, don’t tell anyone about what just happened. This is between you and me. Got it?

You: got it :)

You quickly saved his contact. You couldn’t help but blush. Was this really happening?

You made your way back to the dorm. Once you got inside, you noticed Jayden waiting for you, ready to bombard you with questions.

“So, where did you go so quickly?” she asks.

“I had to go.. help my friend from biology with something,” you stuttered. She knew you were feeding her bullshit, but had decided she wasn’t going to call you out on it.

“Josh invited us to the Beer Grotto, if you want to go?” she asked.

“Oh you know I am so down.” You went directly to your closet, and picked out a cute crop top and some jeans. Perfect. Jayden then practically invites herself to do your hair and make up. She loves doing it and she is so much better than you. So it is a win-win!

“Wow. We are two pretty best friends,” Jayden chuckled, “Josh told me that we should meet him at the house so we can split the Uber,” she says as she finishes her look. “Are you ready?” she asked. You finish tying your white air forces and reply.

“Ready as I'll ever be!” Before you leave, you grab your fake ID and replace your real ID with it in your purse. You still had four months until you turned twenty-one.

You and Jayden walk the ten minutes to the Sigma house and meet Josh. You are surprised when you see Jake. He nods at you like nothing ever happened. You, Jayden, Josh, and Jake climb into the Uber. You can feel Jake’s eyes on you. And you couldn’t say you were doing any different. He looked so hot. His chest was exposed as he only buttoned up a fourth of his white button up.

“Are you excited? This place is the best! We are meeting some more brothers there. It should be fun!” he smiled at you.

“I am so excited,” you responded.

The Uber was only a four minute drive to the bar. You thanked the driver and showed your ID to the bouncer. You felt a little thrill when you got in. You feel a hand on your back.

“Hey, you want a drink ? My treat for your first time here,” Josh asks.

“Of course, can I get a vodka Redbull?”

“Coming right up my lady,” he jokes and heads up to the bar.

You joined Jayden, Jake and other members of Sigma Chi Rho on the dance floor. Josh comes back with drinks and you all are having a good time. Everyone takes turns buying rounds for the group and everyone is feeling their alcohol. After a couple hours of dancing and drinking, you get a text.

Jake: Hey want to get out of here? I will call an Uber.

Y/N: Sure, but will everyone notice?

Jake: Don’t worry about it. I will tell Josh and Jayden you are not feeling well and I am taking you home.

Y/N: Okay sounds good.

You chug the last of your drink and meet Jake at the door when the Uber is outside. You wonder why he asked you to go home with him.

Jake POV

As soon as Y/N accepts your offer you find Jayden and Josh and explain that she is not feeling well so you will be taking her home. They don’t care much, both are much too drunk to realize that you are leaving.

You head to the door and meet Y/N there. All you can think about is how gorgeous she is and how badly you want to taste her again. You open the door for her while you two get into the Uber. You place your hand on her thigh.

“Do you want to come up to my room when we get back?” you ask nervously.

“I would love to,” she replies as she presses her soft lips to your neck. “And what are we going to do?" she softly whispers in your ear. You feel yourself getting hard already.

“I feel like you already know but you have to promise to keep us your dirty little secret,” you whisper back while moving your hand further up her thigh. She nods in agreement.

As the Uber pulls up to the house you grab her hand and take her inside past Sam and Danny passed out on the couch, up the stairs. Once you got up the stairs her soft lips crashed into yours. You felt yourself intoxicated by her. You grabbed her thighs and picked her up so her legs were wrapped around your waist. With your lips still crashing together, you enter your room and make sure you lock the door. Once you are in your room, you throw her on your bed.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” She asks once you catch a breath. Removing her shirt to reveal a lacey black bra.

“I have never wanted to do anything more,” you answer, climbing over her and crashing your lips into her. You feel her hands running through your hair. Your hands run down her body and unbutton her jeans slipping them down her legs. You reach down and plunge a finger into her heat. A soft moan leaves her lips. The kiss turns needy, inviting you to go further. You feel her fingernails imprinting on your back. You slip your middle and ring finger into her while using your thumb to tease her clit.

“Are you going to be my little slut?” you growl quietly into her ear. You curl your fingers hitting her g spot.

“Fuck yes,” she hisses and she rides your fingers.

You kiss your way down to her stomach and push her thighs apart. Kissing her inner thigh, you feel her hand reaching for your hair. You wanted to hear your name come from her lips. You softly kissed her swollen clit. Her eyes roll back as you find yourself gently sucking and flicking against her. She starts to arch into you. You groan as you notice yourself getting harder. Her grasp now tugging on your long brown hair.

As your tongue enters her folds and nose tickles her clit, you hear your name come from her lips.You waste no time getting harder, faster as she grinds her hips against you riding the wave of energy. You separate yourself from her.

“Damn you taste good; almost as good as my name sounds coming out of your mouth,” you say as you find yourself face to face again. You crash your lips into hers as your kiss becomes needier as you feel her grabbing you.

Y/N POV

You hardly believe what is happening right now. Your lips are crashing into his soft lips as you glide your fingers over his hardened cock. You grind against his jeans as your fingers field with his belt. He then brings his hand to your throat and brings himself closer to your ear. You feel his breath against your ear.

“Are you going to be a good girl?” he hisses with a smirk on his face. You answer with a nod feeling your breath hitch. With one hand on your neck, he uses the other to undo his belt and pull his jeans off, throwing them on the floor half hazardously. He positions himself in between your legs.

In between kisses you stop and ask, “Jake do you have a condom?”

“Of course I do babe,” he responds as he reaches for the bedside table, opening the drawer and taking out the foil packaging. He strokes his cock while he uses his lips to help him open the package. He then unrolls the latex on himself. He teases you as he drags himself across your opening. You gasp as he finally penetrates your opening.

“Fuck Y/N, you feel so fucking good,” he says as a moan escaped his lips. He crashes into your lips placing one hand next to your head to steady himself and the other cupping your breast.

“Damn that’s all I gotta do to make you moan?” He chuckled. He then grabbed your throat, pushing his fingertips into the bruises that he had left earlier, and stopped. “You gotta say my name if you want anymore. Prove to me that you are my little slut. Mine, and only mine.” He hissed.

You could feel your face starting to turn red and begged “Jake please…”

He interrupted you “I want to know you are mine. Only mine.”

You try again “Jake please, I am yours and only yours.”

“Good girl,” he growls and moves both his hands to the dips of your hips. At first he thrusts slowly and gently.

“Jake harder, please,” begging for him to rip you in half. He smirks, that's all he needed. He starts thrusting harder and faster and you feel yourself slipping into ecstasy. Your heat gets wetter as he continues.

“Fuck, Y/N. You are so fucking sexy,” he moans. You grab the sheets and start to scream his name as his hand covers your mouth.

“Y/N, if you can’t be quiet, I will make you be quiet.” He commands. His rhythm gets faster and stronger and you feel him tense inside of you. He then collapses on top of you, sweaty but sexy. You knew he had hooked up with a lot of other girls, but you could tell by looking in his eyes this was different.

“Fuck Y/N, I might have to keep you around,” he chuckled as he placed a quick peck on your forehead. You both hopped up and cleaned yourselves up. You still were reeling about what just happened.

Jake POV

You fell asleep that night with her tucked under your arms, her head resting on your collarbone. You felt safe with her, in that moment - like you could tell her anything. You had been tempted to tell her your story, why you were like this, why you had behaved the way that you had, but decided against it. You didn’t know if she was ready to hear it, and you didn’t know if you were ready to relive it.

The morning was blissful - being the first one to wake, a moment of confusion, before relaxing once again, placing a soft kiss onto her forehead. Her eyes opened silently, as she took in the situation.

“Jake- I- Here we are again, huh?” she joked, looking up at you. You huffed slightly, before nodding.

“Yup, here we are again, but this time there’s nowhere that I’d rather be.” Checking the time on your phone, you decided that it was time to get up, regardless of how badly you just wanted to stay here, with her.

You made sure that she was alright from the night before, running your hands over her skin as she dressed. You simply threw on the usual outfit, but she still managed to look at you like it was her first time seeing you - wonder in her eyes, as if she had just discovered magic.

Making your way downstairs, it was quiet, assuming that everyone was still asleep. You hadn’t heard them come in last night but knowing Josh, you assumed that it had been a late one. You brewed two cups of coffee, handing her one before making your way over to the living room couch. She sat next to you, closer than usual, her hand gently resting on your thigh. You didn’t move it, instead, wrapping your arm around her shoulder, pulling her even closer into you. She sighed happily, taking a sip of her coffee.

The morning flew by quicker than expected, and you had packed both of your bags into your Jeep, making your way to the campus. You had managed to bag a spot in the front, walking over to open her door for her. As she stepped out, you watched her, taking her hand in your own. She followed beside you as you passed the dining hall, watching over the crowd that had just finished their breakfast. Following her gaze, a familiar face caught your eye. Sam stood with Danny, staring at you.

You couldn’t help the reflexes that took over, instinctively dropping her hand. You didn’t want them to know, not yet. She looked up at you in surprise, perhaps having not seen them. At least, you hoped that she didn’t.

“Everything okay?” she questioned, her voice quiet.

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

You quickened the pace slightly, finally making your way into the campus.

[lovelybrooke]

Not an actual post, just me ranting about Asexual representation in fandoms (specifically fanfiction), or the lack thereof.

Tw for: discussion of the eraser of asexual and aromantic identities, discussions of sex and romance.

I am so sick and tired of seeing characters that are heavily considered to be Asexual by not only their creator but their fandoms, have their asexuality completely erased in favor of having heteronormative smut written about them.

Now before I get too deep into ranting, I want to preface this by saying that fanfiction, at its purest form, is wish fulfillment. It's not always complete, in-depth, looks into characters or fictional worlds or an evaluation of certain characters morals. While it can be that, fanfiction at the end of the day is meant to make people happy, and that sometimes means having OOC characters or characters that are completely different than how the creator made them.

However, that argument really only applies when a small part of a character is erased. This is why erasing things like sexuality from a character doesn't work as well because 99% of the time, sexuality is a huge part of the character.

This is why it annoys me when I see so many Asexual, Aromantic, Bisexual, and Transgender characters have those invaluable parts of their identities erased, almost always so that the fanfic author can put them in heteronormative situations, smut being the most common.

I am Asexual, and I've seen this happen to so many characters that are heavily considered to be asexual. The best examples I have is L Lawliet from Death Note and Roman Roy from Succession. The creator of Death Note literally said that he couldn't imagine L having sex, and the closest thing Roman has to a sexual relationship was him masturbating in a bathroom while Gerri dominated him through a door.

While L's asexuality doesn't play a huge role to his character, Roman's does. Roman literally refuses sex multiple times to the point that it causes problems in his relationships, his father thinks there is something wrong with him, and the only way he almost had sex with Tabitha, one of his girlfriends, is if she pretended to be dead. Everything points to him hating sexual intimacy, but for some reason people still write him as if he is some dominate fuckboy who going to bend you over his desk the moment he can.

News flash, Roman wouldn't fuck you, because he'd think it's gross. And if he did, it would not be in the heteronormative "Man dominate, woman submissive" type of way. The most that would happen is Roman beating off while you say mean things about him and then pretend like it didn't happen.

This works with other characters and situations as well. While I haven't watched it a ton, from my knowledge, Saiki Kusuo from the anime Saiki K, is heavily considered to be Aroace. He uses his powers to stop people from confessing to him, he says multiple times he doesn't understand the point of dating/romance, and only goes on dates if it means he gets food. But for some reason, I see so many fanfics writing him as if he'd be this perfect boyfriend for you and only you. That for some reason, you'd be the one that makes him realize that relationships are great, and that romance is for him.

You see the problems with these examples? In both cases with Roman and Saiki, major parts of their character are just washed away by fanfic authors so they can be put in straight coded relationships, sexual or otherwise (I say coded because not all of them are fem reader/oc, only really the smut are).

What people don't understand is that is continues to push this narrative that asexual and aromantic identities don't exists and are not as important as heteronormative one. Whether or not this is intentional is not something I can say, but it doesn't change the outcome.

And before I get people telling me that I should just, "let people write what they want to write" and "fanfiction is just that, fiction. It's not meant to be taken seriously." I know for a fact that if I took a character that was either canonically gay or heavily considered to be gay and totally ignored that so I could write smut where the fuck someone of the opposite sex, people would be fucking livid, and they wouldn't except those excuses. But for some reason, that doesn't apply to Asexuality.

And I know people are going to try and say, "well asexuality is a spectrum and some asexual actually enjoy sex. Same with some Aromantics." Yes, you are correct, both are spectrums. But with most of these characters, including the two I used as examples, both are completely shown to be either romance or sex repulsed. Using the "asexuality/aromantic is a spectrum" argument doesn't work when you put them in heteronormative situations and completely ignore their identity, because even if they enjoy sex/romance, they're still asexual/aromantic.

I'm also willing to acknowledge that the fault mainly lies in the creator of these characters. Because a lot of these characters are never explicitly said to be asexual, creators can get away with capitalizing off of asexuals and their idealities while also never saying if they actually are asexual so that their media will still be consumed by straight people. This isn't a new concept; it's happened a lot with bisexuals, but it doesn't make the action any more okay. It's tiring as an asexual to see the very few bits of representation I've seen be taken away from me just to favor straight audiences. And it's even more tiring to see fanfic authors play into it by not acknowledging something that is so integral to a character.

I don't want to discourage fanfic writers from writings what they want to write, but please at least attempt to acknowledge asexuals and their identities. Try understanding why they seem so hellbent on insisting a certain character is ace before you write them as some dominate fuck boy or some submissive baby.

And if you're someone who is reading this and is getting mad at me for criticizing the way you or your favorite author writes a character, please try and see things from my point to view. I'm tired of seeing the same smut/romance fics written about L, Roman, Alastor, Yeleana, Jughead, Saiki, and many, many other characters where they're written to fit a straight, heteronormative mold. It's fucking annoying.

[jtargaryen18]

Barber & Weiss ~ Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

Words: 4.7K

Pairing: Dark Andy Barber x Dark Mike Weiss x Reader

Warnings: Expletive use. References to drug dealing, drug use, and embezzlement. Dubious consent, mild coercion, sexual blackmail, contract for sex as repayment, theft. Explicit sexual content to include face-sitting and double penetration.

Disclaimer: The author of this work claims no ownership of characters aside from the reader, and original secondary characters mentioned. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content and darker themes. By reading this work or any works on my blog (jtargaryen18), you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I do not consent to have my work hosted on any third party app or site. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but archiveofourown and tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission.

Summary: You run the office at Barber & Weiss and love your job and employers. When your drug-dealing boyfriend gets in trouble with a loan shark, you’re hesitant to embezzle money from the law firm to bail him out. But he promises you he’ll be able to return the money quickly, before someone notices it’s gone. What’s going to happen to you when your boyfriend is arrested and your bosses know about your theft?

~~~*~~~*~~~

The day your firm won the Fields’ case was cause for celebration.

The three of you had spent many nights at Andy’s house working long hours on that case, going over endless possibilities and theories. Mike could unearth anything anyone tried to keep hidden with uncanny precision. Last week he had brought a huge dry-erase board over to Andy’s house, marking it up with your combined ideas.

Andy didn’t seem to mind that. He got into it. Did it bother him Mike ended up shirtless in those suspenders he loved so much?

It did. Oh, you could tell. Eventually, it was time for each evening to end. You stayed there with Andy, and neither you nor Mike missed the smirk he wore as he watched his partner leave each night.

Yeah, there was some underlying tension there as the weeks passed.

As the court dates approached, the three of you spent a lot of time together working on that vital case there in Andy’s home. The evening usually ended the same way. The three of you in the guest room. In the living room. In the kitchen. One night they laid you out on Andy’s dining room table like a buffet, tormented and fucked you until you were dozing. You slept through someone carrying you to bed, slept through to the next morning.

It was a tired you’d grown accustomed to. You yawned there at your desk, waiting for them to get back. You probably could have learned the verdict of the case on social media. But you couldn’t fool either of them. Especially, Andy. They’d know if your reaction to the verdict wasn’t genuine and you didn’t want to disappoint them.

Mike strutted into the office first that evening and you grinned. Andy followed him, barely holding back a smile and confirming your suspicions.

“You won?” you asked excitedly.

“We won,” Andy told you, grinning.

Running out from behind the desk, you gave each of them a hug. You had to keep it polite because there were others in the office. A couple of secretaries, various interns. It was the reason all three of you made an effort not to act any differently than you had before your private arrangement.

It was almost the end of the day. All of you who worked for the firm gathered as the two of them went over the verdict and the likely sentencing. They thanked you all for your efforts and told you all to go home early.

When you caught Andy’s eye, thinking to go back to your desk, he winked at you. “That goes for you too.”

Really?

You went back around your desk to get your things. Andy followed you.

“We’ll be right behind you,” he said low in your ear. Then he pressed a credit card into your hand. “Order takeout. Anything you want. We’re celebrating tonight.”

You smiled, nodded. “Thank you.”

You left with the others, getting in your car, and headed first for the store to get some things you were aware you needed. Your mind was on what would make a good dinner tonight. Winning the case was special.

In the last few weeks since your arrangement began, you were learning a lot about your bosses. Mike loved spicy food, lighter and healthier dishes. Then he indulged in expensive scotch. Andy favored decadent dishes, rich in flavor and heavier. His poison was good whiskey, particularly fine bourbon.

When it came to sex? You grinned to yourself as you thought about their individual preferences there.

Your younger boss was up for anything all the time. He enjoyed tormenting you with his mouth and hands until you were incoherent mess and then he’d fuck you. Mike loved pushing you to the edge until you were in tears, until you were so eager for the release he withheld from you that you’d beg him to let you come. And if you tried to get Andy to intercede for you, he’d get Andy to hold you down and torture you even more.

Andy was a little older and more romantic. It was important to him to set the mood. Even on crazy busy nights when you were all sorting through notes, trying to find a new angle on the case, it was the little things Andy did. He’d sit next to you on the couch, pull your feet into his lap to massage them and he was so good at that. When he knew you were tired from a long day at the office, or from their attentions the night before, he’d serve you dinner or run you a bath. Andy enjoyed sex as much as any man, but he appreciated intimacy. And he had the advantage of having you live in his home. No matter how the evening went, if Andy was there, you felt taken care of, safe.

More than once you felt grateful that it was a temporary arrangement and that feelings weren’t involved. How would a woman ever choose between the two gorgeous men?

As you got back into your car, some ideas came to you. You were so caught up in coming up with a celebratory dinner, that you weren’t as aware of your surroundings as you should have been.

There was a wonderful Spanish restaurant that Andy talked about, but you’d never been there. The staff were so friendly. All you’d had to do was drop Andy’s name and they helped you put together a dinner of sumptuous, exotic Catalan coast seafood. They’d even sold you white wine that they recommended with the meal. Oh, it cost a fortune but from what they told you it was light and flavorful which would make Mike happy. But it was upscale and from one of Andy’s favorite restaurants.

In short, you were pretty damn proud of yourself.

It wasn’t until you’d pulled up in the driveway with everything that you felt it. You felt like someone was watching you.

Before it could occur to you to be nervous about that, Andy pulled in behind you with Mike next to him in his Audi. They were talking away in there, no doubt still preening about the case. Everything else was forgotten as you climbed out of your car, running around to the other side to grab dinner.

Strong arms came around, grabbing the larger bags. Andy snuck a kiss before letting you get the rest.

“I love your idea for dinner,” he told you. That smile had your heart racing. You loved making Andy happy. Of the two of them, he was always harder to impress.

“I was hoping so,” you told them, smiling.

Mike led the way, opening the door and disabling the alarm system. The case was all they could talk about as you all headed for the kitchen, working together to get dinner unpacked and served up. Mike was quick to get into the wine, encouraging you to drink up as you helped get everything plated.

Over dinner, they told you how everything went leading up to the verdict. Both were pretty proud of themselves, and they deserved to be. You’d all been working on the case for months.

“With this we should be able to get bigger cases,” Mike mused as the three of you got seated at the dining room table. “This is next level.”

Andy cocked a brow at him. He was always the realist, but he was having a trouble keeping a smile from his lips at the thought. “Maybe so,” he said after a moment.

“We can take on other cases that matter,” Mike pointed out. “We’ve got a winning team.”

You had to agree with that. Each of them was good lawyers but together? They were a pretty formidable force in the courtroom.

You raised your glass to them. “The best team I’ve ever worked for.”

They cut each other a look and you quickly took a drink. You’d meant it. Or did they think you only said it because of the arrangement?

Andy shook his head. “You’re part of this team. You put in as many hours as we did on the Fields case. Not sure we could have pulled it off without you.”

You had to laugh. “I’m not a brilliant lawyer like the two of you. If I was able to help, I’ll take that.”

“You’re still important to us,” Mike told you, charming you with a grin.

By the time you’d finished eating, you were all a couple of glasses of wine in, which was plenty for you. Still, you gathered the dishes and tried to clean up. You’d just put your own plate in the sink when someone pressed into you from behind and carefully took it from your hands and placed it in the sink.

Heated kisses pressed into the side of your neck. Something else that was heated pressed into your lower back.

“Leave them,” Mike purred into your ear.

Andy had said you were all celebrating tonight. What did they have in mind for you?

When Mike ground himself into you, you shivered. All their attentions over the last few weeks had you conditioned to their touch. There were times in the office when one of them winked at you passing by your desk and you turned into a needy puddle in your chair.

What had you become?

Normally, this was the part where they took this to Andy’s guest room unless one or both of them were too impatient. But something felt different tonight, you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

Mike’s hands slid up your waist, sliding over your breasts as he continued to layer kisses down your neck. Your thighs clenched in anticipation, you just couldn’t help it.

When Mike scooped you up to carry bridal style, you licked your lips to watch Andy loosen his tie and pull it free from his shirt. He followed Mike who carried you back into the living room where Andy had built a nice fire in the fireplace. It was cooler this evening, the chill of fall in the air.

When Andy went to pull the drapes closed, you knew they meant to stay there. It wasn’t the first time. But the coffee table had been moved and a comforter had been put down in front of the fire.

Carefully lowering you onto it, you shivered at the warmth from the cheery blaze in front of you. From the hunger in two sets of blue eyes on you.

What were they up to?

“Hang on,” Mike told you, dashing out of the room.

Andy toed off his shoes and sat next to you on the comforter. His smile did things to your insides as he toyed with the strap of your dress shoes, careful in removing it. Then he removed the other, pressing a kiss to your knee as he did.

As his hands smoothed up your calves, fingertips just skimming under the hem of your skirt, Mike returned with the unopened bottle of wine in an ice-filled bucket. There were three fresh glasses in his hand.

“You’re trying to get me drunk,” you teased them. “Is that it?”

“No.” Andy crawled closer, a long arm reaching behind you to unzip your skirt. “Today was a good day for us. Tonight is all about you.”

Really?

Mike filled a glass for you, held it to your lips as Andy worked the skirt down your body. The wine was sweet on your tongue, almost as sweet as the grin Andy wore when he saw what was under your skirt.

And what wasn’t under there.

Hooking one long finger at the edge of your black stocking, he pulled it to snap back against your skin. The lace tops gripped your thighs, but there were no panties to hide the glistening flesh between them. You sucked in a breath at the excited look that earned you.

“The whole day?” Andy wondered aloud with a grin.

You nodded. “If we didn’t win the Fields case, I thought maybe it would cheer you up.”

And you were a little nervous about it because you’d never done anything like that in your entire life.

Mike joined the two of you on the comforter, encouraging you to finish your wine. Once you had, he took the glass from you with one hand as the other slid up your thigh and into your wet heat. You gasped as his fingers explored you, teasing circles around your clit.

“You’ve been thinking about celebrating too, huh?” Mike looked so pleased.

Leaning in, Mike claimed your lips in a heated kiss as Andy moved closer. Someone was unbuttoning your blouse as Andy’s lips teased your neck. The brush of whiskers and heated lips, the feel of Andy’s hands as he pulled off your blouse and bra pushed up the need you’d battled all day. Had your body weeping, clenching for them.

You’d never been that into sex until now. Before sex was good, depending on your partner, but it had been almost as transactional as your current situation. Sex helped you move things from a hook up to a relationship. Maybe one day you’d find someone that cared about you, wanted to spend their life with you. If the sex was good, all the better.

Now? Either of your lawyers could make you melt with a glance.

Two sets of hands skimmed over your body, and you shivered. When Mike’s lips blazed a trail down your jaw to your neck, Andy’s mouth claimed yours as a finger traced around one of your nipples. When it tightened into a hard little peak, he covered it with his mouth. As Mike chained kisses over your neck and shoulder, he slid a finger into your channel. And you tried to clench around that digit. It wasn’t enough.

You didn’t mean for the whine to escape your lips, but it did. Mike eased back from you with a knowing smirk. His fingers made quick work of the buttons of his dress shirt, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him as he stripped it off. While Andy teased your breast, his fingers skimming the tender flesh at your inner thigh, Mike resumed teasing your pussy. When he slid two fingers inside you, teasing your walls, you were breathless and needy.

Mike stole a kiss. “Want to try something new tonight?” he whispered against your lips.

Andy paused at the question before stripping off his own shirt.

Mike’s fingers slid in and out of you in a way he knew would make you squirm. His lips were warm on yours.

“Use your words, beautiful,” he prompted you.

“What did you… want to try?” you managed to ask.

His large fingers pulled free of you, and you whined again. A single finger slid on the wetness between your lower lips, carefully, and slid back to your other entrance. You froze at the unfamiliar touch.

You didn’t miss the warning look Andy shot him. Wrapping his arms around you, he eased you back into his solid warmth. His lips were gentle on your shoulder. “Easy,” he whispered.

Mike was nothing if not tenacious. His finger lightly traced around that tight ring as he brushed more careful kisses over your lips.

“Never tried anything like that, huh?” he asked.

“No,” you whispered as his finger continued his campaign.

“Mike…” Andy started.

Pulling back to gaze into your eyes, Mike’s smile was gentle. “Want to try? If you really don’t like it, we’ll stop.”

Andy cut him another look.

“I’ll stop,” he corrected. “But if you relax, and trust me, this just might be amazing for all three of us.”

It was then when it occurred to you what he wanted. And Andy wasn’t interfering yet. You knew he absolutely would if he thought you were uncomfortable. It was the biggest reason that you nodded.

“Lay back, Andy,” Mike directed.

And Andy did, keeping his gaze on you. His gaze was caring, willing you to trust him.

“Okay, baby,” Mike purred in your ear. “Why don’t you sit on Andy’s face? Be a good girl for him while I go get something.”

Tipsy on lust and wine, you didn’t resist when they moved you over Andy. Embarrassment burned and gave way to desire as his strong hands wrapped around your thighs and situated you just where he wanted you. With his mouth, he started burning you down. The tip of his tongue traced around your clit until you were fighting his hold. He held you there to tease around your entrance, making you desperate for more in a short period of time.

You weren’t even aware that Mike had returned until you felt him behind you, the heat of his excitement drawing your attention to the way his hands skimmed over your back, feather light. While Andy took you apart with his mouth, started fucking you with that talented tongue, Mike had goose flesh rising down your back. Those hands smoothed over your hips, and ass. The delicacy of his touch combined with the wicked slide of Andy’s tongue to make you crazy. Your hands clawed at Andy’s thick hair, and you unwittingly moved your hips with him, wanting more of that.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the small white tube in Mike's hand. When Mike’s finger slid slowly between the globes of your ass, you shivered. Tingles of pleasure were already racing through your bloodstream from Andy’s efforts. That finger was slick, circling the untried ring of your ass with care. Mike kept that touch light, tempting.

Their attentions pushed you to the edge of release. You were a desperate thing straddling Andy’s face with Mike’s finger pushing carefully into your other opening. You felt good. You were so close…

Pressing up against you, Mike’s heat seeped into you. His lips teased your ear. “You gonna come on Andy’s tongue, beautiful?”

You gasped when he pulled the lobe of your ear between his lips. His finger pushed a little deeper into your ass.

“The sooner you come for us, the sooner you can ride his cock, baby,” Mike whispered. “I know you want him to fill that little pussy right now.”

Between those words and Andy’s teasing tongue, you came hard. Your cries had Andy moaning into the center of you, intensifying the waves that shook you to your core. While you rode out that euphoria, Mike worked a second finger into your ass. By the time you were aware of that slight stretch and burn, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It did remind you how empty your pussy felt.

Mike held you there and you felt Andy shifting beneath you. He was frantically undoing his slacks, pushing them down with his boxers. With Mike’s help, he eased you down his body until you felt the heated stalk of his cock against the wet flesh that craved it.

“Andy, please…” you begged. You wanted more and Mike’s teasing fingers were doing a lot to push your craving higher.

“I’ve got you,” Andy whispered with your juices shining off his lips and beard. His color was high as he positioned you over his cock, he and Mike guiding you to sink down on it. Andy stretched your walls, filled you up just the way you needed right now.

You were so full, rotating your hips to take all of Andy and reveling in how fucking wonderful he felt. His hands gripped your hips, guiding you to slowly start moving on him. Your movements didn’t dislodge Mike’s fingers. The fullness as he pressed a third finger into you, combined with Andy’s length, had your heart racing in excitement.

Like any woman, you’d thought about taking two men at once. You never thought you’d ever have the opportunity. But as you slid up and down on Andy’s cock and Mike’s fingers fucked your ass, you wanted more. You needed more.

When those fingers left you, you unapologetically whined. Andy took advantage of the moment to fuck up into you with firm quick strokes. You heard the sound of a zipper, felt Mike shifting behind you. When he moved behind you, pressing the head of himself at the opening of your ass you froze. Andy slowed down, his heated gaze meeting yours.

“Anything hurts,” he said in a breathy voice, “or you don’t like it, tell me. We’ll stop.”

You were struggling to breathe as Mike pushed past that tight ring. It stung.

“Tell me you understand,” Andy said gently.

You winced, as Mike’s slick cock pushed in a little further. But you nodded.

You clenched around Andy as Mike worked his way into you. It was uncomfortable at first and your hands clutched Andy’s shoulders tightly.

“Look at me,” Andy bid you. “Breathe, okay? Breathe. Try to relax.”

You did and once Mike was fully seated in you, the sting eased. When Mike began to move, he slid easily enough with the help of the lubricant. Andy watched you but didn’t move, allowing you to adjust.

“Oh, fuck,” Mike muttered behind you. “Your ass feels incredible, baby.”

It was feeling a lot better and after a couple of moments, you were moving with him. At that, Andy started moving in you again and the feeling of being impaled on both of them was unreal. The thought of what you were doing made you a slave to whatever they wanted. Two sets of hands gripped your ass. Two cocks worked into you, hitting every pleasure point you possessed.

Mike’s hand clutched in your hair, using it to pull your head back. With your neck bared to his teasing mouth, he took advantage as Andy bounced you on his cock. Mike worked into you from behind with care. You could tell he was holding back.

“You’re so good to us, baby,” Mike whispered into your skin. “Taking us both. You look so good riding our cocks… You feel like heaven.”

Andy, like you, seemed beyond speech. His lips gaped open as he watched you, pulling you down on his cock again and again. When he eased you down to him, his mouth claimed yours. You could taste yourself on his lips. When you couldn’t breathe anymore, you broke the kiss. Andy dipped his head to capture one of your nipples with his mouth. The wet lash of his tongue had you unraveling again, clenching around both of them as the orgasm rode you as hard as your two lovers were.

You were wilted between them, but they weren’t done. Their motions intensified as they chased their own release. Lying against Andy, you let them dominate you as they thrust into you faster and faster.

Mike reached his end first, pulling free of you and shooting his warm release all over your ass. Andy stayed seated inside of you, his cock punching up into you until a sob tore from his throat and he pumped his release into you like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

Andy’s heart was a steady cadence in your ear once you collapsed over him. His breath was as rushed as yours and his hands skimmed over your back with infinite care. Soft kisses pressed into your hair as he held you.

You felt the linen of Mike’s shirt as he wiped his release from your skin. Leaning up, he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You knew he was about to leave and you felt bad you were so out of it at the moment.

“You heading out?” Andy’s voice was a rumble beneath you.

“I think I’ll crash here for the night,” Mike sounded tired.

Andy’s hands froze. Blowing out a sigh, he rolled to his side and eased you onto the comforter. You stretched, got comfortable. Andy pulled the comfort over you to keep you from being chilled without him.

“I’ll be back for cuddles in just a minute,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your ear. You heard a little shuffling before you drifted off to sleep.

***

Andy pulled on his slacks as he led Mike from the living room. It wasn’t a conversation their girl needed to hear.

His girl.

Mike had pulled on his boxers, followed Andy to his home office.

Scrubbing a hand down his face, the smell of her was all over him, Andy regarded his partner.

“Is there a problem?” Mike asked, arms folded across his tatted chest. “With me staying over?”

“We didn’t talk about that,” Andy pointed out.

“There are a lot of things we didn’t talk about,” Mike came back.

Andy shook his head, heading for the mini bar to the side of his desk. He knew where this was going. He just didn’t want to have this discussion.

“Such as?” he asked, pulling out two glasses and pouring bourbon.

“When we came up with this, deal,” Mike said, “I guess I just assumed we’d get equal time with her.”

Handing him a glass, Andy drank from his own. “You know why she has to stay here, Mike. Your place isn’t safe. No offense.”

His partner nodded, his gaze dropped. He had no argument to make there.

“That’s why I don’t see why my staying here is a problem,” Mike went on. “It would give me more time with her. Even the playing field.”

“You want more sex?” Andy tried, hoping that was what Mike was getting at but suspecting that wasn’t his motivation.

“No. I want more time with her,” Mike explained. “It’s not just about sex. Not anymore. She’s more than that to me.”

Andy knew.

“I don’t know,” Andy stalled, having more bourbon.

“What’s the problem?” Mike wanted to know. “We have three-way sex pretty often. Why would actually sleeping together be an issue?”

Mike went further than Andy expected. He could see the younger lawyer asking to sleep next to her in the guest room. But was he really suggesting they all share a bed?

Tired as he was, Andy’s mind still spun. “Here and there I guess it would be okay. But often? People talk.”

Mike rolled his eyes, setting the glass of alcohol on Andy’s desk untouched. “How many nights have I been over here until midnight or after, huh? We’re partners in a law firm. No one would give a shit.”

“I really don’t want some of your friends showing up,” Andy admitted. "I don't want them around her."

“Fuck, are you really going to bring up Ali stopping by here last week?” Mike asked, his frustration growing. “It wasn’t drugs. I paid him to dig up some dirt for me. It was part of the reason we won the case today in case you don't remember.”

“I still don’t want anyone like that around my house,” Andy warned. “Or her.”

That stopped him, had Mike pacing and raking a hand through his sandy hair.

“Look,” Mike said after a minute. “When we came up with this idea, it sounded great. But I didn’t immediately grasp the advantages you have in this situation. I want more.”

Draining his glass, Andy regarded his partner.

“She can’t be at my place,” Mike said before he could. “I know that. But I’m sick of being a guest star in the bedroom while we ride this contract out. I want equal time. I deserve that.”

“Mike,” Andy struggled with what he wanted to say. “If I agree to this, it’s just until the six months is up.”

Mike stopped, his brows rose. “And then?”

Andy blew out an exhale.

“And then the contract is up,” Andy told him. “She will have kept her end of the arrangement. She’s then free to do what she wants. Choose who she wants.”

Andy just hoped to God she chose him.

“That include living here?” Mike demanded.

Yes. Andy hoped she’d want to stay.

Mike shook his head. “I can’t match that. And I’m… I’m sorry, I’m not willing to just let you have her.”

“Excuse me?”

“I have a lot to offer her too.” Mike meant it.

Andy knew he did and he was younger.

But how were they going to deal with the situation?

“So how does this play out?” Andy threw it back at him.

Mike studied him for a moment, thinking. That razor-sharp mind was going a mile a minute. It was one of Mike’s strengths. And weaknesses. Mike so easily got lost in his head. Feelings? He didn’t navigate so well.

“When the contract is over,” Mike said finally, “we leave it up to her.”

Oh, it sounded good. But Andy knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“Whoever she chooses, the other one just needs to accept it,” Mike said flatly. And with the way his chin lifted when he said it, Andy knew he intended for their girl to choose him.

Andy nodded.

But he had a very different plan.

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[trickstarbrave]

What do you think would have happened if Nerevar survived Red Mountain? How would the Chimer treat him?

i think i've mentioned this before but. i think it would have gone uhhhhhhh bad.

see before nerevar, the chimer and dwemer did not get along. the chimer were typically quite religious and worshipped the good daedra. the dwemer didnt actively worship any daedra or aedra; they had no need for it and would at times actively antagonize their chimer cousins' gods to prove the gods were fallible.

but the dwemer had a lot of power behind them in terms of machines and a lot of land, stretching underground between vvardenfell to the heart of skyrim. and the chimer were currently being occupied by the nords for reasons they didn't know. if nerevar wanted to truly drive them out he would need to do more than just unite resdayn but ally himself with the dwemer to bring them into their cause and fight united. which a lot of chimer probably didn't like. they didnt get along with the dwemer at all and the chimer and dwemer did not see eye to eye. but they came around to the idea because nerevar basically said "look. dumac and i are friends despite our differences. we have a common goal. if we can be friends and work together, you can tolerate the dwemer and learn we can be so much more if we set aside our differences."

when the dwemer were found to be making the numidium it was seen as a huge betrayal. not just of nerever, but to every chimer. this was proof the dwemer could not be trusted, at least to them. i dont personally believe kagrenac had any ill intentions making the numidium besides personal defense and basically as a way to prove they could do so even if they wanted to. we dont know if tensions between the chimer and dwemer were rising or if this came out of no where either. but i cannot stress enough how dangerous the numidium is: it is catastrophic if used incorrectly. in c0da it has literally destroyed nirn and made it inhabitable. this is like finding out your allies who live on the same land as you have made fucking nuclear weapons "just because" and then have actively denied having it and call you insane for saying they did. it looked like, to the chimer, the dwemer were intending to annihilate them.

which then brings into question nerevar. nerevar was the most hurt by dumac denying the existence of the numidium (again we dont know if he knew or not, he could have been ignorant to what kagrenac was doing), and nerevar was the one who rallied them into war against the dwemer. the war of the first council was absolutely horrible. house hlaalu, one of the founding great houses of morrowind, lost almost all their warriors. entire families were wiped out. the dwemer machines were decimating people. we dont know what exactly kagrenac did to the heart of lorkhan--maybe it was a last ditch effort to power the numidium and wipe all the chimer out, maybe it was to try and help the dwemer escape to a higher plane of existence, maybe it was something else entirely. but they all vanished. the war was officially over--except now there might be nords and orcs also involved i guess so there may be stragglers theyre dealing with on that front.

if nerevar survived entirely, i think it's very obvious what would have happened. because it was his idea to ally with the dwemer in the first place, it would be seen as his fault the war of the first council happened. sure, they probably wouldnt have driven out the nords, but by this point i think a lot of chimer would have probably believed there was another way of accomplishing it without giving any power to the dwemer.

sermon 11 talks about this actually in the 36 sermons i think:

There is once more the case of the symbolic and barren. The true prince that is cursed and demonized will be adored at last with full hearts. According to the Codes of Mephala there can be no official art, only fixation points of complexity that will erase from the awe of the people given enough time. This is a secret that hides another. An impersonal survival is not the way of the ruling king. Embrace the art of the people and marry it and by that I mean secretly have it murdered.

here vivec is talking about how people's opinions always change. a true king understands people cannot be fixated on one thing forever. if your people love say, skooma, loosen legal restrictions. then people can have more and more. but take care to introduce a new, more potent drug, in a way murdering the skooma trade people so beloved. (analogy from the new whirling school who discusses the 36 sermons in more depth)

and nerevar is a folk hero: the mer who united the great houses of resdayn. the beloved warlord. the champion of azura. the son of boethiah. man who embodies the ideals of the good daedra. he has enamored his people, their biggest fixation and pride. what happens when he has fallen?

vivec knew (or perhaps later reasons) that killing nerevar was the best way to keep control over the people. make him a martyr, a saint, a hero. then move on to something else. and while that is probably exploitative, i can't help but see some of the logic in it. because without that, uhhhhh it would have gone to shit. the people would have all blamed him, and wanted nerevar's head on a pike. they would blame him for all of the deaths in the war of the first council, because there would be no war of the first council if nerevar had never made the council in the first place. maybe the dwemer would have never found the heart and made the numidium if he didn't give them the power and resources to do so.

and then the great houses, who were already only barely united, would dissolve into infighting and old rivalries, especially with new power vacuums being opened up within the houses and larger government. people would be fighting and killing each other for petty squabbles, and also because: there is a fucking giant world ending weapon in that mountain they want to get their hands on by any means necessary and figure out how to power.

as much as i hate to admit it, killing nerevar and becoming gods might have in fact been the best outcome. otherwise i do think the chimer would have wiped themselves and at least half of tamriel out (if they didn't cause landfall entirely). nerevar would have died by the hands of a mob, or lived in exile and disgrace, being blamed for the fall of his people. with the tribunal they control the tools of kagrenac, keep the secret of the heart of lorkhan, and guarded the heart. by introducing new living gods who could preform miracles they shifted away the anger enough to keep people from outright trying to destroy every other faction in morrowind/resdayn. they made that anger productive, and made a new scapegoat with house dagoth (which. also was shitty of them).

i think killing nerevar was a mercy. preserving his legacy and honor rather than letting him live in disgrace. keeping the peace of their people. protecting them. it was horrible, yes, but there was no real solution where everyone was happy and no one dies. not in this story. i have speculations on if the tribunal knew that at the time or not, or if they were motivated solely by personal gain, but it is the truth.

maybe there were other ways out and other ways the story could have played out. other solutions where nerevar could keep the peace and stop the fighting. but after the tribunal used the tools (called "the red moment") history kinda rewrote itself and the world shifted so that was the ONLY outcome that ever could and would exist. so it is impossible to say. maybe circumstances in a different timeline could be more favorable, but i doubt it.

tl;dr: the chimer would have wanted nerevar fucking dead and then killed each other and potentially a bunch of other people with their in fighting and race to get to the numidium. nerevar would die or live in disgrace being branded as the man who was responsible for the downfall of the velothi people. the chimer were petty and rude and violent and vengeful and would not have taken it laying down.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

An argument to read/consume outside of your experience as a Privileged person with honesty and integrity

bell hooks made an argument that particularly Black women had an "Oppositional gaze" to the media they consume. meaning they are often not included in the media they consume and/or their view points aren't represented in the media they consume, even when it is a white woman making them appear on screen.

But after reading an astounding number of white (straight) male writing manuals, I've come to realize there is a bigger issue afoot: Privileged people unwilling to consume media from people with less societal power. See, usually the men can't list a single woman, and when they list the women, they can't seem to do a deep analysis of the women unless they have a male-sounding name they might have picked up by accident (Am I making fun of John Gardner? Yes, I am I'm working on his post.). But the women when they write about how to write list men and women and do a deep analysis of both.

I know someone is going to say something like, "But, but this is how men and women are wired." Ha! C'mon, this is pure socialization.

White men are rewarded for only naming white men and are clapped for doing that--women will even reward them for doing so because women are used to it. TV reinforces this idea over and over again. The literature classes reward this over and over again. Women are token, secondary writers, the best writer is a cishet man in most cultures.

Privilege itself doesn't let you question outside of those norms and strips away that allyship language overtime, and tries its best to erase the existence of the other.

This leads to a huge disconnect between privileged people saying (and excuse this) "Black literature is all bad." because they never were given tools to think an analyse them beyond white contexts and "Death of the Author". 'cause you know, Beloved, despite what Toni Morrison said, is really about conflict, not about memory, and the story of Beloved is somehow not about the horrors of slavery and challenging Uncle Tom's Cabin's narrative...

But I think that if you're sitting there with any degree of privilge you should be challenging yourself in that way to be able to communicate with people unlike you. You should have more tools to do media anaysis than "What I think of this book goes" because to me, that borders on Media imperialism And maybe, just maybe we'll get more men who can fucking write decent women.

Maybe reading books about people unlike you from own voices might make you more decent of a person and that's what all of the book challengers and banners are trying to remove from you: Your ability for compassion and humanity for people unlike you.

And for the Christians out there: A quick reminder that the Good Samaritan was about a Sumerian being more decent to a Jewish man than a fellow Jew.

Excuse me while I complain some more about John Gardner being somehow accidentally racist and factually wrong about Indigenous people... !@#$ They had phones back then. This makes my argument neatly. The whole of this search for Aristotle's wrong diagram makes this argument for me.

Lesbians sexualize boobs less creepily than cishet men. bi women sexualize boobs less creepily than cishet men. I mean, what gives?

[daryfromthefuture]

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE since i have made a proper ramble on here BUT.

bttf the game.

i've been replaying it recently and i forgot how insane it was. the story is SO DAMN GOOD and now i'm going to explain why i think that the citizen brown timeline was, in my opinion, an even worse timeline for marty to experience than 1985a.

(game spoilers ahead!)

so we all know that what caused the citizen brown timeline (we'll call it 1986b) to exist: emmett marries edna strickland and she gets him obsessed with law and order and using his science to control people's psyche. this results in edna and emmett being the totalitarian rulers of hill valley when marty comes back to the 1980s.

doc's face is everywhere, telling people to sign up for citizen plus. he's an idol for everyone. and i'm sure that emmett, after all of his failures, is pretty proud of that. he probably thinks that life in law is the only thing that made him successful and science was a bad idea anyway lol. anyway this is not the point.

marty enters and discovers this new hill valley. it's all clean and neat and at first glance doesn't seem as bad. there's no crime like in 1985a, in fact, there's no danger at ALL. nobody's going to shoot you or roll you over with a motorcycle.

marty, though, knows everyone in this timeline but also. doesn't. his parents both are alive. jennifer is alive (though changed significantly), and doc is alive too. and marty needs to find him.

but doc does not know marty.

imagine being a teenage kid who has had this man as your only support system for your entire youth only for him to become a complete stranger when you need him the most? this is fucked up, and we see it in marty's reactions when he eventually goes to citizen brown's office and tries to convince him he's a time traveler. marty talks to him like he'd usually talk to doc, only in this case, it's the wrong way. he gets yelled at when he tries to address an issue in hill valley.

do you think marty ever got yelled at by doc. no.

marty is, in fact, partly scared of this doc: his voice grows quiet when doc silences him in that cellar where we eventually find edna with all her monitors, and he's careful when he talks to him. of course, he wants his timeline to be restored, but he needs any version of doc to do so and he's got to work with what he gets.

i think the worst and most messed up part of 1986b is that, in comparison to 1985a, you would not expect it to exist. would you expect biff to try and get himself rich as soon as possible? yes, sure. biff is a butthead and everyone knows that.

would you expect doc, the smart, kind, father-figure in the films to become such a drastically changed person to the point that not even marty can trust him anymore and who essentially becomes an antagonist? i don't think so.

marty was completely taken aback by this entire thing and has to navigate through this strange timeline by himself. he has ZERO allies in this one. everyone either is confused by him, doesn't know him or even dislikes him.

if i were him i'd honestly cry lmao

another huge thing about 1985a and 1986b are the ways they get erased.

all it took for 1985a was to get a book back from biff. that's it, that's all this timeline hinges on. marty gets it and burns it, and done.

but 1986b? damn. that's a thousand times more complex. you've gotta convince young emmett to dump someone who he genuinely is in love with and who keeps him motivated. bonus, you even caused this relationship to happen in first place.

i'm pretty sure it was easier for marty to just steal a book than to go and break his best friend's heart to get said best friend back.

marty knows what he wants, but citizen brown almost talks him out of it. we get another glimpse at marty's selfless personality; he wants his timeline back, but what about the doc who's standing in front of him? is this worth the risk of losing the doc he has only to try and get back the version he knows?

marty is hurt when emmett literally tells him he hates him and when he's faced with the fact that he, in fact, has ruined doc's youth instead of making it better. what is this boy supposed to feel. yes, he will get the doc back he knows, but at what cost? he will forever have to live with the fact that, at some point in his life, doc loathed him.

him, the boy who eventually become his best and most loyal friend, hell, even family.

this HURTS. marty collects trauma like pokemon cards

AND LISTEN. the final episode. when citizen brown gets hit by that car to get marty out of the way. we all thought he was AGAINST marty's intentions but then he fucking saves his life with absolutely no hesitation?? then he lies there and dies while marty holds his hand and grieves him????

telltale whY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS

marty mourns this strange doc because it was still doc in a way and all marty wanted the entire goddamn time was to save doc and get back HOME and instead he gets more PAIn

marty even ends up confusing emmett for doc when he steps out of the expo hall because marty just. he just wants to have his bff back for fuck's sake and emmett is also alredy his bff and he only wants the best for him even though emmett thought differently.

i can't even begin to express how happy i am about the fact that marty and the ACTUAL, REAL doc get to hug at the end. if only it had lasted longer than 2 seconds.

THIS WAS A MASSIVE RANT but i have been rotating these thoughts in my brain for the past week or so. enjoy.

bttf the game is a fantastic addition to the franchise, it makes me FEEL THINGS and i absolutely love how we, instead of like in the first film where we had to fix the relationship between marty's parents, we have to fix the relationship between the main characters which we all thought was pretty much unbreakable in the movies. a+ stuff right there.

play bttf the game if you haven't. and then go write some fanfics about it please there aren't many and this is a CRIME. i gotta love me some game content

[alazaelarece-blog]

The ‘get better’ Journey

My fitness journey is really beginning for me this year. It took some work to get to this point to be completely honest. Many years of being hard on myself, and still not getting to the point of being happy with my weight, and how I felt in clothing. Welllll, I had to get some issues figured out first. What was causing me to be so hard on myself? What things have I been avoiding to the point of eating boxes of girl scout cookies instead (literally no ragerts, but really)? What have I been afraid to actually take on? The little voice in my head always told me actions are what matter most; how you “feel” comes and goes in waves that ultimately it doesn’t even matter. I was so wrong, it’s actually quite insane how connected all parts of our being is. It’s synched in an amount of facets that still blow my mind when I see how my life is playing out. I had to realize I was never going to be happy with myself, not only because I wanted what was looking back in the mirror to be what I “envision” for myself; but because I wanted to become the better version of myself as a whole. Yes, being healthy is a MAJOR part of my dream self; but being calm, being in the little moments, wanting/ needing less, simplifying a crazy chaotic brain, understanding I can make mistakes, understanding the mistakes I do make sometimes take wayyyyy longer than I want to fix, being okay with not being okay, letting someone see the dark part of myself..the self I’m ashamed of, letting someone love those parts of me, opening up to more people about the real shit we go through, not that phony ass “omg my life is so great, I’m working on xyz, blah blah” but the, I woke up today not feeling like I had intention, or today I felt the sun shine a while longer and it made me realize the comfort I get from the slow seconds in the day. The perfect people can suck a dick, because it’s not fucking real. The bullshit the world has fed you, is toxic af. I’m a little sad it took most of my 20-somethings to figure this out. But when you lie to yourself about who you are, the people that are surrounding you are also liars. Big fat ones. I had to loose myself completely, and rebuild who I wanted to be, someone that I could admire ya know? I envy the people who get to start off life knowing exactly who and what they are destined to do. They make all of the right moves to get them to the places they want to be. I never worked that way, it was try this, hit a wall, sign up for this, fail, get up, jump, fall. Anyways, I definitely went on a bit of a tangent with this one. All in all, I’ve come to the huge happy hug of acceptance, and love. OF COURSE years of hating yourself take lots of practice, that sadly one motivational tik-toc, can’t erase. BUT the journey is kinda messy, and kinda fun, and super chaotic. I’m meeting the people that are meant to be in my life for the long run, I’m making the choices that are making me healthy, I’m taking better care of my soul, and my body. The process is new, but I’m taking it head on. -Zae   

[kingsmakers]

Ahh!! Thank you so much for answering my earlier ask, it made my day! If it is alright, I have some more.

How's Homelander going to react when he finds out he has a sister?? Like yikes!!! I'm excited for that bomb.

Crimson Countess is Vespers mother, does she have contact with her? Did she just give her to Vought? Mommy issues!!!

Oh shit, I just remembered that soldier boy and liberty/storm front knew eachother! Will she try and get close to Vesper since she knew her dad?

Now I'm really interested in how the dynamics between her and Butcher will be. I didn't really think about how she's in a position that he can use way to his advantage. She seems like she's trying to move past being used and I'm wondering how far she'll let Butcher push her.

How does her power work? Is it like Scarlett Witch?

Thank for letting me take up your time. I've been enjoying your HotD story and am excited to read about more of your characters!

Of course! I love getting the chance to chat about my ocs, and you’re definitely me ample opportunity.

We saw how Homelander reacted to finding out he had a father. Although he and Soldier Boy didn’t even get on, he was thrilled at the idea of having family, and I think it would be similar with Vesper. He has never much liked her, but now he realises she’s his baby half-sister and he would want to explore that bond even if Vesper is like...uhh you actually didn’t like me at all?

OOFT Crimson Countess and Vesper’s dynamic is ROUGH. So we all know that Countess admitted she hated Soldier Boy in the end, and although I’m changing the timing of his “death” to a bit later to account for Vesper, Countess was not thrilled to find out she was expecting his baby. Vought paid her a lot of money to keep Vesper, because they were intrigued at the concept of a legacy Supe child. For this reason, Countess has always resented Vesper, who bears a striking visual resemblance to her father. Vesper desperately wanted to be loved by her mother, but Countess was incredibly cold and distant with her daughter.

In terms of Stormfront, I think she’s curious about Vesper, but not too interested in what she can do etc. It’s more like “hey I knew your dad”, which is just as well because Vesper can’t stand the woman.

With her and Butcher, it’s a mutual understanding. She gets to meet her father, and he gets Soldier Boy. But you’re right, Vesper has been used too much in her life and she is not one to let the Boys walk all over her. Obviously there’s a volatility to her, but there’s a real darkness that comes out in Vesper during Season 3, and she’s probably at her lowest in a long time at that point.

Vesper’s power is altering and erasing memories, as well as planting completely false ones. She can technically sort of “store” these memories and give them back if she wants to. Homelander and many of the others don’t consider it hugely useful since it’s not a flashy physical power, but as Vesper is in The Seven by Season 3, they’re absolutely going to see what kind of devastation a damaged young woman who can fuck with people’s memories can cause.

Anyway, thank you again for the ask! You’re welcome to send me asks anytime.

[beomnoullitheorem]

Hi nou nou, sorry for being like a whole day late I was questioningly busy yesterday and once I hit my bed it was lights out😞. But fucking lost IS good it’s like a enemies to lovers but whole time he like her and I love to see it in a fic, and the typos I probably won’t even notice because I’m just too lost in reading the whole thing. Also you didn’t write anything new? I could’ve sworn you had a new story out, I wouldn’t be surprised because I’ve been gone for so long. But anyway you might have room for improvement but that doesn’t erase the fact that you’re blessed!!!!! Because honestly I never send in ask about a story but this time something shifted in me and I couldn’t help myself, Take my compliments or I’ll make you!!!!!!!! 😡. I can’t remember what you asked me at the end of the other ask but I think it was what did I eat, and I ate cheeseburgers and fries, homemade. And a pickle. And then I watched silent voice for the first time and fell asleep halfway through. I’m sorry this ask is so long, but I’ll see you later!!

-👾

Lienii.... I start crying at this point. 🥺 when I say your asks make my day, I mean it hehe. Fucking lost indeed has elements of enemies to lovers, cause it's Hyuka who distanced himself away from her since he felt himself longing for her hehe and the twisted fact that Y/n liked him only made it worse and he didn't interact with her much. That probably is why they seem like enemies at first, but they're just two people who love eachother. One couldn't confess because of uncertainty and other couldn't too, because of denial. Either way, they are together now!!

I wrote a new fic, two to three days ago. It's a Kai one again.

Okay okay, I will take your compliments haha. You're one of the few who compliment me so I'll absorb all of them.🤭

Silent Voice... honestly it's gut wrenching and too painful to watch, I watched it still. Why? I love pain. And yeah, even I slept right after I have watched it the first time hehe!

I want some junk too😭 It's been a long time since I had a pizza or fries. HOMEMADE?!?! OMG I WANNA TRY THEM HAHA I AM A HUGE JUNKIE

Don't apologize for sending me a long ask, I thrive off of long messages ( or asks, they make way too happy ) and I love it when I see a long ask in my inbox. And don't apologize for sending me replies late, you can send them whenever you're free.

[evievigilant]

I played Trace Memory and I’m just leaving my thoughts here ‘cause why not lol

I liked how the characters were written. Ashley was a nice protagonist to play as. D was a sweetheart. You don’t see much of anyone else since most people are either a) dead or b) not with you for very long so I can’t really say they had a huge impact on me.

I do like how they touched on the themes of memory and trauma affecting memory. It’s some heavy stuff but it feels easier to deal with especially since it’s done from a more technology/research angle, since Ashley’s parents were researching how to replace/erase memories.

The gameplay was kinda rough at times. There were sections and important items that were very hard to see, so there’s the potential to miss a lot, which would prevent you from progressing. There are also some annoying puzzles, including the ones that require you to go back to a previous spot to retrieve an item even if you had already observed it when you were there before. Oh, and the zoetrope puzzle. Absolutely fuck the zoetrope puzzle. You have to use your stylus to spin the zoetrope very very fast to reveal a film-like sequence of moving pictures. Sounds simple enough but god you have to spin that thing FAST and for a LONG TIME, which means you have to make a ton of quick, dragging strokes with your stylus. And you cannot progress until you see the full thing. And I mean the full thing. Even if the image is cut off by like, a millionth of a centimeter, it will not let you progress. And if you slow your pace even a little bit, the image shrinks back down. This is hard to do on a DS (I’ve seen clips), and seems impossible on a mouse or a trackpad (to the point where I had to stop actually playing and opt for a playthrough because spinning it was more exhausting to me than a game of Wii Tennis. Thankfully this was toward the end of the game so I still played most of it but godddd. Like Hotel Dusk and Last Window had puzzles that seem impossible to do with just a single mouse, but there’s ways around it that are a little frustrating, but not exhausting. The zoetrope puzzle was exhausting, and not enough people have played this to give some tips on how to do this).

This is just a feature of Cing games in general that can go either way. Like Hotel Dusk and Last Window both have puzzles where you have to use your DS in creative ways. And it’s very 50/50. Like ohohoho, you have to use TWO styluses!! Ohohoho you have to CLOSE THE DS LID!! Ohohoho you have to close the DS lid HALFWAY to see a reflection!! While yes, it’s neat they were able to do this, after a while, it gets real tedious. Like sometimes you just want a puzzle. Like when playing any Professor Layton game, I never had to finagle my DS (or thing that is like a DS lol) to just solve a puzzle. They kinda just stood on their own, which I can’t say a lot of puzzles in Trace Memory do (and sometimes even in Hotel Dusk and Last Window, even though I do love those games). And I never WISHED that Professor Layton was more creative with the DS features because, again, the puzzles were good enough on their own! So yeah I know Cing thought they were very cool and clever for these, but I got tired of it after 3 games.

I enjoyed gathering information about the Edwards and I was looking forward to seeing how they related to everything that was going on but.....they kinda didn’t? Like yes Bill is related to them, but D and the family’s story is just so separate from Ashley and her family’s story that by the end of the game I was like....that’s it? We spent SO much time learning about the Edwards and to find out that all Ashley had to do to recover her memories was to find her father and confront Bill kinda made me disappointed. Sure, we needed to get D’s memories back so he could move on, but again, it felt so separate from Ashley’s goal. It would have been cool if they were somehow related to the research, like they were pioneers of it or something, and that’s why that island was chosen to put the research lab in.

Here are some theories I had that turned out to be false:

Definitely thought Richard would be dead by the end of this, or that the DTS would be compromised, especially since Ashley left it in the research lab and her dad was like “nah it’s cool :) everything will be fine :) only you can use the DTS :) I won’t die :).” When I hear shit like that I just think “okay you are gonna be very dead soon” but I was wrong lol

I remember there was this one portrait of Lawrence(?), Henry, and Thomas, and I thought Lawrence looked eerily similar to the boat captain at the beginning of the game. I thought the reveal would be that he would also have had something to do with the Edwards, and when D met him and could be seen by him, I thought he was gonna be revealed to be a ghost as well. No, turns out they didn’t think to do anything with him.

When it was revealed that Jessica knew Sayoko and Bill, I thought the plot twist was going to be that Jessica murdered Sayoko, which is why she kept it under wraps that they knew each other well. I also just didn’t understand the point of Jessica and Bill formerly being together, or why Jessica had to be involved in the research at all, so I thought she’d be the true killer, and that it would be revealed that Bill was trying to help bring her to justice by bringing her to the island. It also would have made Jessica seem a bit more conniving being like “oh Bill kidnapped me, he’s a bad man, don’t trust him.” Oh well. There wasn’t much to Jessica’s character, and I thought something like that would have given her some much needed intrigue, but nothing really happened with her. 

Overall it’s a nice game but I wouldn’t recommend playing it unless you have a DS and an old, thrifted copy. Mostly so you can do that zoetrope puzzle and not cry as much. Otherwise, just watch a playthrough. Or, I dunno, go play Hotel Dusk instead. 

[theprettynosferatu]

    Someone said, long ago, that war is hell. No one remembers who said it anymore; probably a president, back when that was a thing. No, the most common saying about war now is the bad thing about war is that it ends. If that was true for old societies who only had to deal with regular soldiers coming back home, it’s doubly true now that there is no such thing as a “regular soldier.” Soldiers are not just trained: they are bred, designed, created with a concrete purpose; they excel at the three Fs: fighting, feeding, fucking. They are the epitome of the male form and the bastion on which our society is built. They keep us safe and have expanded our territory from one end of the Milky Way to the other. Victory is absolute. The cybernetic menace, the so-called “Evolutionary Cell” is defeated. There are no more wars to fight.

    Not everyone is grateful, however. While most females know that being bedded by a soldier is the highest of honors, some of them somehow manage to ignore this basic fact. I know, it baffles me too, just as it irritates me that they went to records of the old world to find a name for themselves. They call themselves feminists. What use our new world would have for such a backwards ideology is beyond me; besides, my role is not to understand them. My role is to crush them. I might not be a soldier, but I do my part. It’s the purpose of this recording to exemplify the effectiveness of our answer to the feminist threat: the Venus Program. What follows, derived from private journals, mind-scans and public records of Subject G will, I hope, illustrate the need for an expansion and globalization of the program.

    Subject G, born Galena Hoffmann, was at one point among the leaders of the nascent feminist movement. She wrote persuasive texts and organized disruptive protests, and so she was acquired in the dead of night for our pilot project. I shall try to reflect her state of mind at the time accurately, and I apologize in advance for the drivel the reader will be exposed to. I shall clarify in brackets when needed.

    Galena was screaming. Part of it was terror, but it was mostly anger. She was convinced somewhere along the way the world had become cruel, twisted, indifferent to the harm it caused. She remembered sisters and friends, taken by soldiers. She remembered her frustration when even they couldn’t see how horrible the situation was. They wore their own abuse like a badge of honor! It was her duty, she realized, to open the eyes of fellow women: to make them see they had the same rights as any man and yes, even any soldier. To make them acknowledge their humanity and fight for it. To return to the long-dormant dream of equality. That wars and catastrophes had been used as an excuse to erase such a beautiful concept was an aberration to her, an insult to all that had come before her and a threat to everyone that would come after. She had to do something, even if it meant risking her life. It was only when she found herself not in a jail or a secret prison but in a lab that she knew the meaning of true horror. Soldiers were made in facilities such as this. What would they do to her?

    They strapped her to a huge device [The Mk.1 Remaker was indeed bulky. Subsequent iterations have made it portable]. She wasn’t surprised by the doctor’s cold, clinical behavior: they were trained not to be cruel or mean, but to command instant compliance with their tone of voice and posture. What truly shocked her was that half the doctors were women. How could they be so blind? How couldn’t they see that they were complicit in their own oppression? 

    One such woman seemed to be the lead researcher at the facility, or at least the one tasked with explaining the procedure to her. She didn’t bother with putting it in terms a layperson might understand, instead waxing poetic about the power of genes, the chemistry of the brain, the fundamental illusion of the idea of self. All humans were, she explained, nothing more than living interactions between hormones and neurotransmitters, desires and fears coded in simple molecular constructs. [Subject G refers here to Dr. Heinlein]. The one word she repeated, the one word Galena feared, was remade.

    Galena couldn’t be sure when she was awake. The drugs pumped into her system kept her docile, sleepy, always in that liminal space between states of being. She noticed a few things, but whether they were real or dreams was impossible to know. Her body was numb, and she figured whatever they were doing required heavy, heavy painkillers. She should have been scared, but she couldn’t… feel it. It was just a rational idea with no emotional resonance. Time lost all meaning. At some point she realized, or dreamed, that the lead scientist was more than just filled with professional enthusiasm. She was enjoying this, in a deep, primal level. There was sadistic pleasure in her eyes, along with undisguised lust. She toyed with Galena’s pussy and mocked her for how wet she got. The scientist wasn’t wrong. Her body was numb and yet the pleasure broke through. It could not be denied, and it demanded more and more. Maybe Galena begged. She couldn’t be sure. [Holographic records show Subject G did, in fact, beg for stimulation]. When next she woke up… was it the next time? When was she awake and when asleep? [Records show two weeks elapsed between the recorded thought patterns]. She didn’t know. But she did manage to look down and see her breasts. They were large. Much larger than they used to be. She hated them. She hated how good they looked on her. She hated how sensitive they were, how amazing they felt. She hated how the doctor played with them and how she couldn’t help but moaning. She hated the doctor. She wanted to kiss her. [Subject G had kissed Dr. Heinlein twice already before this thought was recorded].

    They were bigger than her head. Her tits were bigger than her head. She didn’t even look human anymore. She looked like… like a perverted parody of womanhood. Why had they put that mirror in front of her? So she could see her new lips, swollen and wet? Her huge tits? Her diminutive waist? Her enormous ass? Would she even be able to walk again? She looked like her spine might crack under the weight of her own tits! [Internal organs were replaced by augments and her bones reinforced. The genetic therapy also increased her muscular strength. Subject G’s concerns are misguided]. She looked so… ridiculous. So… so fucking hot. No that wasn’t her. It was… it was her pussy talking. She was strong. She didn’t need to be hot, or fuckable, or slutty to be of value…

    They left the mirror up whenever the lead scientist wasn’t at work. More and more, Alice felt despair at the perverted fantasy she had become, at how it would be impossible for anyone to see her as anything other than a complete slut, at how wet she got looking at herself. It was making it hard to focus, but she held on to her core, to her real self. She was Galena. She was a feminist. Nothing could change that. Nothing could… 

    “The body leads. The mind follows”, said the scientist. Galena just listened. The doctor’s lips were so distracting, so tempting… and her undone top button gave her a hint of the wonderful breasts beneath the fabric. Nowhere near as big as her own, but they pulled her in… Besides, it was all bullshit. Just because she had the body of a complete whore it didn’t mean she would think or act like one! Even if her ass was huge and her tits massive and her lips puckered and felt ready to wrap themselves around a yummy cock… Damn it. The thoughts kept creeping up on her, but she was strong. She. Was. Strong. She would never submit, she thought before dozing off again.

    How long was she out? It felt like weeks [our records show it was thirty minutes]. She found she was no longer restrained. Before her stood the mirror and… sets of clothes? What kind of sick test was this? She looked at her naked body. At least it felt… hers. She couldn’t fully recognize herself in the mirror yet, but somehow she was slowly coming to terms with looking like a living doll. It didn’t change who she was inside. And to be able to put on some clothes was welcome, even if she was wary of her captors’ true intentions. There had to be a trick, but anything was better than parading naked through the white, sterile room. To her surprise the first set of clothes laid out for her was… nice. It was modest, and somehow managed to cover up her unreal breasts. It made her look almost… normal. Busty, sure, but respectable. She could imagine herself walking the streets in them, even meeting her feminists sisters and discussing further steps. It was a good outfit. Then again…

No harm in trying out the other ones, right? Just… just to check. 

   

    God, they were so hideous. Well. not hideous. Slutty, sure. But… kinda cute. The last one barely covered her huge, firm ass… and it left abundant underboob to give everyone quite the show should she ever walk the street in it… Fuck why did that idea feel so good? To have everyone gawking at her, lusting after her, getting hard at the mere sight of her… She absentmindedly let her hand slide the daisy dukes to the side and rub her soaked pussy. She looked like such a fucking worhtless whore… like such a fucktoy… No one would take her seriously… no one should…

    She froze as the door slid open. The hot scientist girl had ditched her half-sadistic, half-dispassionate demeanor for behaving like a giddy schoolgirl. Galena could swear she was watching her IQ drop in real time as she ushered the Soldiers in. Oh no. This would be it. They were going to torture her. They were going to hurt her. They were… fuck, they were hot. Broad shoulders, square jaws, all muscle… No. This wasn’t the time to be distracted! They were there to harm her, to… to… Do nothing? 

    The men leered at her as the scientist went to a corner of the room. They just… looked at Galena like she was a piece of meat… and she couldn’t blame them, knowing how she came off. She was all tits and ass and long legs and a tight, wet pussy… Stop it. Stop it. You are a person, Galena. You are strong. You are a feminist. You are horny as hell. But… but that doesn’t mean you should look at their pants, imagine the men’s huge, genetically perfect cocks… Fuck. Focus. Focus. Focus. She needed to find a way out, needed to… needed to… needed to do her part. No! Where had that come from! That was Government propaganda! It wasn’t like her purpose, her duty was to drain those amazing balls by any means necessary…

She didn’t notice she was walking towards them, swaying her hips as if advertising herself. They smelled so manly, so aggressive, so… Her newly enhanced body was reacting, and Galena was barely a passenger in it. The body leads. The mind follows. She had the body of a fuckdoll. Her mind was certainly following, images of cum and muscular men using her eager holes dancing in her head. What remained of her screamed somewhere far away, buried under layers of her new self. She was horrified by the way she went to her knees. She was sick by the way her mouth was watering in anticipation. She shut up as soon as the Soldiers revealed their cocks. Galena smiled. This was it. This was all that mattered.

She was a pleasure doll, and she was ready to do her part.

Commissioned by @shameful-sideblog !!

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