#THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT IT WAS RECOGNIZED TODAY I JUST HAD TO CRANK SOMETHING OUT

[skybrightpixie]

OH YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOIN ON.

[tsukishumai]

Prank Wars w/ their S/O - Tsukki, Kuroo, Akaashi, Bokuto

My Gym 3 babies! 

Couldn’t get this idea out of my head lmao, so I cranked it out real quick.

Hope you like!

Aged-up characters :)

TSUKISHIMA –

You looked at the clock on the wall of your shared apartment.

It read ’11:56 PM’

Tsukki’s birthday was in four minutes, and the two of you were spending it huddled around the kitchen table, papers scattered all over while you both attempted to finish your midterm papers.

Not exactly the most glamorous way to spend it, but such is life for college students.

Still, that didn’t mean you didn’t have something up your sleeve.

Tsukishima was sitting across from you, eyes trained to the screen of his laptop, headphones on with the volume undoubtedly maxed it.

“Kei,” you called out, and just as you expected, he couldn’t hear a word you said.

You rummage through your bag, and found the pair of scissors you stowed away earlier for this exact moment.

“Kei,” you said again, a little louder this time. Still, you were met with nothing.

‘Perfect.’

“Kei!” you yelled out, and with a quick snip, you had cut the wire that was connecting his headphones to his laptop.

You watched as Tsukishima’s eyes widened slightly, eyes darting from the cut wire to you, then back to the cut wire, then back to you.

“What the actual fuck?” he said in disbelief.

“I’ve been calling your name for ten minutes now, and you were ignoring me!”

“So you cut my headphones” he sputtered out, still trying to process the situation.

“You couldn’t hear me!”

“Wha – I – Are you an actual moron?!” His eyes narrowed at you, taking the now broken head phones off his head and throwing them off the table, “There were a hundred different ways to get my attention, and you had to pick the most idiotic way. Jesus fucking Christ, how the hell am I supposed to –“

You cut him off by placing a small box on the table, wrapped in a light green wrapping paper patterned with a cartoon dinosaur wearing a party hat.

He stared at the box.

“’How the hell am I supposed to drown out your annoying voice’? That’s what you were gonna say, right?”

He glared at you.

You pointed to the box.

“What the hell is it that?” he asked, eyeing the box suspiciously.

“It’s a present,” you rolled your eyes, “or are you too stupid to – “

He snatched the box from the table at your words. You smirked with satisfaction as you watched him quickly ripped off the paper, his hands stilling once he realizes what was underneath.

It was a set of Bluetooth headphones – ones that he has been eyeing for months but hadn’t been able to save up enough money to get.

He looked up at you, eyes softening immediately at the proud smile you had on your face.

“Happy birthday, Kei!” you giggled.

He stood up from his chair to make his way around the table and gave you a sweet kiss on the forehead.

What’s a present without a little psychological torture?

KUROO

Kuroo was planning to be nice to you today.

Really, he was.

He even took a quick pit stop at the mall so he could get you a drink from your favorite boba spot.

But when he walked passed the kiosk selling cheap hair extensions, an idea so great popped into his head, he couldn’t ignore it.

He got to your apartment, and the happy smile on your face almost made him hesitate to go on with his plans.

But then you said, “What’s up with your hair today, Tetsu? Couldn’t be bothered to look in the mirror for longer than two seconds?”

His eyebrow twitched.

He waited for the perfect opportunity, and it came when you went into the bathroom to finish doing your make up.

He grabbed a pair of scissors from a drawer in your kitchen, and then cut off a thick lock of hair from the extension he had bought that matched your color.

He tiptoed his way into the bathroom, making sure not to make much noise so that you didn’t notice him.

Making a big show of it, he snipped the scissors loudly behind your head, then held up the fake lock of hair for you to see in the mirror.

He couldn’t stop the shit eating grin from spreading on his face as he watched your face slowly register what you just heard, and what you were seeing in the mirror.

Your face contorted with anger and disbelief, quickly snapping your head around to stare at the lock Kuroo was holding.

“WHAT,” you shrieked, “THE. FUCK!”

Kuroo was bent over laughing at this point.

“KUROO TETSURO, I – YOU –“ You sputtered, but then you turned back to your sink, pulling open a drawer and rummaging through the contents.

Kuroo wondered for only a minute what you were looking for before you produced your own pair of scissors.

Kuroo’s eyes widened, “Y/N…”

“COME HERE YOU ASSHOLE,” You tried to grab at his hair, but he was too quick, and grabbed your wrist.

“Hey, calm down,” he shrieked, “You’re gonna hurt somebody!”

“YEAH, THAT WAS THE PLAN.”

“It was a prank!” he said quickly, and you stopped thrashing around, and Kuroo let out a sigh of relief.

He ran out of the bathroom to grab the plastic bag of fake hair, lifting it up for you to see when you trailed after him.

“See,” he said, “I got it at the mall earlier. Now… Please… Put the scissors down?”

Akaashi –

You and Akaashi were having a peaceful Sunday

After spending the morning lazing around on the living room couch, the two of you decided to go for a run around the neighborhood.

Bad idea.

You absolutely hate running.

Akaashi managed to convince you with the promise of making you chocolate chip pancakes when you finished, but not even that was giving you the motivation to pick your feet up from the ground.

 “Alright, that’s it,” Akaashi called from twenty feet ahead of you, his natural athleticism making you more irritated by the second, “Almost there, you can do it!”

You know he was trying to be motivating, but it just made you want to chuck your shoe at his pretty head.

Your body was aching and exhausted by the time you got back to your door.

Akaashi gave you a quick peck on the cheek, told you to go take a shower while he prepared breakfast.

You agreed, but made your way into the kitchen first to grab an apple sauce packet from the cupboard cause a bitch hates cramping.

When you noticed the box of dried pasta sitting in the corner, an idea flashed into your head.

Quietly, you opened the box and grabbed a few dried pieces, shoving them into your mouth before you turned to Akaashi.

“Hey, Keiji? My back is kind of aching, do you think you could help me crack it?”

He tiled his head at you, setting down the bowl of pancake batter he was mixing.

“How do I do that,” he whipped his hands on a towel before positioning himself behind you.

You crossed your arms. “Just wrap your arms around me, then pick me up and squeeze really tightly.”

Akaashi nodded, wrapping his arms around you. “Ready?”

You nodded, and as soon as you felt Akaashi lift you from the ground, you bit down on the dried pasta in your mouth, creating a loud cracking sound.

Akaashi let go of you in shock, dropping you onto the floor, but you were trying so hard not to laugh, you didn’t even mind.

“Holy hell, was that your back?! Oh my god, Y/N, are you okay?!””

Akaashi knelt down from where he stood, trying to hold you up while you clutched your stomach.

You couldn’t hold it in anymore, and you burst out laughing.

Akaashi narrowed his eyes as you grabbed a napkin from the counter and spat out the dried pasta from your mouth, laughing even harder when Akaashi looked at you in disgust.

 Realization dawned on his face, and he dropped you on the floor once again, stood up, and started heading towards the bathroom, leaving you to pick yourself up.

“Aw come on, Keiji~”

“I’m taking a shower. Make the pancakes yourself.”

“No! Keiji!!”

Bokuto –

You were trying to enjoy the newest episode of your favorite show when it was interrupted by loud screaming.

Screams that you could only recognize as Bokuto’s

You rush out from your room, only to find your boyfriend screaming his head off from the kitchen counter

“Kou?! What the – “

Your eyes barely took in the sight before you.

Bokuto with a knife in his right hand while his left is on the cutting board and all you saw was red – so much red.

“OH MY GOD, KOTARO, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK”

“Y/N, OH MY GOD, GET SOME PAPER TOWELS!”

You scramble around, and in a panic, you grabbed the dish rag that was on the sink, and threw it at him.

“NO, THAT’S A RAG, THAT’S DIRTY!”

“OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE THE DAMN PAPER TOWELS,” you scream out, scrambling around the kitchen that you’ve lived in for the past year, “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!”

“I WAS TRYING TO COOK US SOME DINNER,” Bokuto cried out, and you finally found the damn paper towels under the sink.

You grab the entire roll, ripping off a few sheets and pressing them onto Bokuto’s fingers.

Except, when you wiped the paper towel away, there was no blood. It was… tomato sauce?

And Bokuto’s fingers were neatly intact.

When you finally noticed Bokuto’s phone recording you, you turn to glare at him.

The bastard had the audacity to burst out laughing.

“That’s not funny, Kou!” you shrieked, throwing down the paper towels and storming out of the kitchen.

“Aw, come on, Y/N,” he said in between laughter, “I’m surprised you even fell for that.”

“Well, what the hell was I supposed to think when I come running down, and you’re screaming your head off!”

You crossed your arms and pouted. Bokuto snickered, washing his hands before he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“You gotta admit,” he smiled, nuzzling his face into your neck, “That was a good one.”

You sighed, wrapping your arms around him. “Yeah… it was.”

[writing-in-april]

The Five Stages of Grief

Stage five: Acceptance (5/5)

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Spencer’s POV)

Thanks to @zhuzhubii who helped me so much with this series and made this gif for me 🥰

Summary: Spencer going through each of the stages of grief after the death of the reader. Stage five is acceptance.

A/N: Can’t believe my first series on here is done!!! I’m not gonna lie you guys this chapter is super emotional for me- I no joke cried the whole time while writing it and while rereading to edit. I basically have been going through the same thing recently with my Nana. This chapter is very close to my heart and is definitely the most personal chapter for me. The whole series is actually heavily inspired by season 3 episode 19 -one of my favorite episodes of criminal minds- and I also used elements from season 3 episode 15. This also kinda helps explain a lot of my writing choices throughout the whole series if you’re curious. I did my first real attempt at foreshadowing in this series, I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for all the love and support on this series- with a special thanks to @spencerreidsmiles and @andiebeaword -you all have been so lovely and amazing.

Warnings (All warnings for the whole series are on series Masterlist): Sad Spencer, References to past drug use, References to past suicidal behaviors, Small panic attack, Hopeful Spencer, Unreliable narrator (much less so in this chapter)

Main Masterlist | The 5 Stages Masterlist Word Count: 3.5k (longest chapter)

It’s been a year; One full year since they had died in my arms. One full year since they had been shot so cruelly by a heartless unsub in an alley. One full year since I had been graced with their presence and the sound of their voice.

The elements of my emotions were extremely complex according to my therapist, and surprisingly I found myself starting to feel the benefits with them more every time I went to an individual session or a group session. It was hard for me to realize that I would have to learn to accept my situation.

It was hard to learn how to understand my own emotions when I had been so willing to shut them out, to try and convince myself that they didn’t exist.

I had begun to learn that I carried around the water that felt like I could drown in, the fire that burned so hot that anyone near it would get burned, the earth that I had wished would bury me with the pebbles I had chosen to cope with, and even the polluted air of my sadness around with me everyday. But, now I somewhat accepted the fact that they would always be with me, or at least I was trying to.

I had to learn to accept.

Even if it hurt I had to learn to at least try.

The next goal I had been given by the therapist was the most daunting of my tasks yet in my opinion. Trying to convince myself to open the boxes in the corner of the bedroom I had once shared with Y/N was harder than trying to get clean. The thought that had propelled me forward into getting clean was that I felt as though I would be disrespecting Y/N by not staying clean. They had been the reason all those years ago that I had spilled the clear liquid down the toilet and I needed to do it again, if only for them.

The boxes were something that were easier to ignore. I could ignore them by turning my back to the stack of boxes, choosing instead to stare at the painted walls of my apartment instead. There was no reason for me to stop ignoring the boxes, no one was trying to pressure me to open them besides my therapist. Everyone else in my life had no expectations for me to open them at any time, if ever, including Y/N’s family.

But, it had begun to feel like maybe I could try to attempt to open the boxes. I wasn’t sure what had finally prompted my brain into thinking that perhaps it would be a good thing to stop ignoring it. I stopped trying to understand why my mind works the way it does long ago, I had poured enough time into my life thinking about that.

I had felt this overwhelming urge to be able to look back at things that once belonged to them with some semblance of peace. I wanted to enjoy the memories we had together once more. I was tired of letting the memories get soiled by the unsub, I deserved to still think back on the one that I loved with a smile. I deserved to be able to preserve their memories with happiness and not let them sour with sadness. I wouldn’t let the unsub be able to kill something else while he was behind bars, my memories.

I was ready.

I was ready to open those boxes.

I was ready to at least try.

I was ready to try and look back at the memories.

I wasn’t going to let their memory die too.

My first attempt to open the boxes in the corner of my bedroom consisted of me staring for two hours at the stacks. I knew that I at least wanted to try to attempt to open a box, even if it was the smallest of the bunch.

That day I had gotten the lid of one of the boxes open. That was as much as I could handle emotionally in that moment. There was a small part of myself that wanted to push myself to look inside the box, but I couldn’t do it that night. That night I laid down on the bed, again facing the wall, unwilling to look at the boxes. I knew if I did I’d feel as if I had failed and I had to keep trying to convince myself that small progress was still progress.

I tried again despite the swirling anxiety in the hole in my chest.

I was still willing because I still wanted to have my memories unsullied by sadness.

I still knew that I deserved that despite my volatile elemental emotions threatening to push me into another toxic loop.

The next time I tried to look in the box I had previously opened just a little I immediately got choked, recognizing the contents sat at the top surrounded by other smaller insignificant items. I only managed to grab one of their old tchotchkes that used to sit on their desk in the bullpen. It was insignificant enough of an item that it didn’t make me fall into an endless loop of my emotions. I clutched it all night while I tried to sleep, though I still faced away from the boxes.

I hadn’t given up yet I still wanted to try, if only for them.

I would still try for them, even if I didn’t succeed, I still felt better for trying.

It had taken me awhile to muster up the courage to look at the box again, even though I still wanted to try I was scared that the contents would be too much for my fragile psyche. What I had gotten a glimpse of at the top of the box was something that used to be important for Y/N.

The next time I tried to look I successfully managed to pick up the item that had triggered the painful memory in my mind. It was ironically, it was another box.

The box wasn’t something that was explicitly tied to memories that we shared together. I knew it to be a music box from their childhood, given to them by someone that had meant so much to them. Out of curiosity I cranked the knob on the side and slowly opened the lid, wondering if I could handle the sounds of a song that I had often heard every time they had opened it to listen to the twinkle of the box they cherished.

As soon as the beginning notes of Swan Lake floated into the air I slammed to top shut, unwilling to open up the box of my emotions all the way just yet. I knew I couldn’t get rid of it, it was too important of an artifact in Y/N’s life. Though I knew that this wasn’t something I could keep to myself, this belonged to Y/N’s family. I clutched the box for a second in my arms when I came to the realization that the trinket should be with someone else as if it would be cruelly ripped from my arms right then and there. I felt a little fire being stoked in my belly at the thought of people taking it from me, even though there was no one there in my lonely apartment with me.

I started a breathing exercise that my therapist had told me to use when I felt like this. No matter how much it pained me to admit it, it did help immensely in snuffing out the emotions when I could feel them begin to spiral out of control.

I couldn’t let myself fall into an endless loop of volatile emotions again. I had worked hard to get clean after I had started to write my amends. It had been a hard uphill battle even after I had written down my amends, my grief hadn’t magically gone away that day. Getting clean had been much harder without my rock and the person who had helped me get clean the first time around. I wouldn’t disrespect their memory by going back to dilaudid again.

Once the initial fear began to fade and my breathing had grown steady I forced myself to loosen my grip on the music box. I then carefully set it down in a place that would be suitable enough for a stack of things I’d pass off to other people that had been important to them. I hoped I’d soon be ready to make a donation pile despite that I despised the mere thought of giving something away that belonged to them to a mere stranger.

It was already too much for today, I could only bear looking at the one item. I didn't know how I’d be able to handle it if the box was filled with more trinkets that were important to them. I did however find myself thinking when I laid down on my bed for the night after a hot shower to relax my mind. I found my mind thinking about the trinkets they’d had an affinity for collecting. It still brought tears to my eyes to think about giving away their stuff, even if it was to people who also mattered in their life. But, I found myself thinking about their old cute little trinkets without as much pain, though it was definitely still there.

Maybe tomorrow when I try, I’d do better.

The small box that I had begun to unpack over a series of days didn’t hold anything else seemingly important to Y/N’s life. Besides the music box I had found prior, the small box was only filled with unimportant trinkets that thankfully didn’t spark much meaning in my mind. It was obvious that when the team had initially helped me to put their stuff away until I was ready that things had been put away in a slight haste. They must’ve done it so quickly as a way to try and help me. The animosity that I had held towards my team for the last year because of Y/N’s death had been slowly melting away over time. I still wasn’t as friendly as I had been before, but I knew my frigid nature after the event hadn’t been justified. I knew now that they had only my best interests at heart, even if they didn’t always pinpoint what they were correctly. I had even begun to regain some of my desk duties once I had gotten clean. It had felt good to feel somewhat normal even though the sight of their desk directly across from mine and their still empty round table chair still made my heart pang with grief.

I had even begun texting them more frequently again, though I was still aversive to text, so I guess it still wasn’t that often. Some things really do never change despite the fact that my life had turned on its head in the past year. I had even begun to write letters to my mom again.

I knew I was lucky to still have people by my side, even if it wasn’t the one I knew deep down I still wanted with me.

I thought I could have at least done the box without crying anymore.

That was until I found something at the bottom of the box that made the dam holding my memories back in my mind break to flood my mind. The book would probably seem inconsequential compared to the rest of the items that I knew sat in the other boxes. Most people would assume after just looking at the surface level what items of Y/N’s meant most to me, the ones I wanted to keep. The black paper back was well worn around the edges, almost like if I read it too frequently and I wasn’t too careful that the spine would break. I ran my fingers up and down the battered book as I began to willingly reminisce. To other people the book would’ve looked beaten already beyond repair, maybe as if it had not been loved enough, battered perhaps because of neglect.

But, just like me I knew that Y/N had loved the book more than most people would be willing to.

I knew that I wanted to keep this book, no matter how painful I knew their contents would be for me. I hoped that I’d be able to read it so much that I’d be afraid for the binding of the book, just to be able to feel close to them again. Though I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to dig up this particular memory, it might still be too painful for me.

I remember they had bought this book for us after I had connected with a grieving father on a case. He had specifically quoted a poem to me that stuck with me for weeks after. Once I had told them of the excerpt quoted to me they had immediately grabbed a copy of where it had originated from, a long Wordsworth poem. The book “Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood” became their favorite quickly, in fact it used to take residence in the top drawer of their nightstand. They had often loved to read me their favorite excerpts at night just before bed when my eyes couldn’t stand to focus on the pages anymore.

When I opened the well worn book it flipped open to where they had set their bookmark last, I recognized the excerpt immediately. My breath got caught up in my throat when the words danced around in my vision. I wasn’t sure if I could face this specific excerpt quite yet, or even be able to read any part of the poem. The book held so many memories of them. This specific poem held so much meaning to the both of us.

However, there was something in me that wanted to try. I wanted to be able to read the poem again and remember the memories we shared fondly. I wanted to be able to enjoy my memories with them. I had come to realize over the past year that their memory deserved to be nurtured with fondness not overwhelmed with sadness.

So, I decided to try.

The memory’s attached to the excerpt immediately began flooding back even as soon as I read the beginning words. The bookmark had landed on the page that had been quoted to me by the grieving father, the words holding even more meaning in my life now than ever before.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my-“

The tears in my eyes blurred my vision, so much so that I had to stop reading for a moment to wipe my eyes. I didn’t know if I wanted to continue, just those first few lines were already weighing heavily on my mind. I was already focusing on the radiance that had left my life forever. A radiance that was once so bright, but was now snuffed out, forever taken from my sight. My sorrow was creeping in with small little waves in my mind, I just had to hope that it wouldn't drown me. I didn’t want to get stuck on an endless loop of emotions again, I had just gotten fully clean a little while ago.

Even though I was feeling intensely emotional over just the first few words I wanted to keep trying. I wanted to read this poem and smile. I wanted to be able to look back at our memories with love, to take back what had been polluted by the acts of a heinous man. Once I had somewhat collected myself and my thoughts I began to read again from the beginning of the excerpt-

“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,”

My entire being could not help but ache as I read the words, still aching for the presence of the one who had been forever taken from my sight. When I reached that part that I remembered asking the grieving man about all those years ago, the words held an even deeper meaning to me now than I ever thought possible. There was nothing I could do to bring back the hour where I was still in my lover’s embrace. I wanted to be back in the moments of splendour in the grass and glory in the flower, I knew that soon I’d have to fully accept that it wasn’t possible.

Again I had to wipe tears from my eyes before continuing to read the stanza. This time a few tears dribbling down onto the pages, marking them with my sadness forever no matter if it dried into the parchment or not. I continued to read the page despite the saltwater that continued to drip down my face,

“We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy Which having been must ever be; In the soothing thoughts that spring Out of human suffering; In the faith that looks through death, In years that bring the philosophic mind”

I felt a small watery smile creep onto my face, it had been so long since I had remembered to smile with sincerity. I was thinking about some of the times they had read this to me as I tried to drift off into a most likely restless sleep. Though I had always slept better when they read to me. At the time the words hadn’t meant as much to me as they did now, I now had a permanent connection to the feeling of grief that would never be erased. For the first time in a long time thinking about them didn’t hurt as much for a moment, I actually smiled, even though it was rather watery. No matter how small or sad the smile was, I was still smiling. And, I knew in that moment that Y/N would’ve been proud of me.

I pondered on the stanza’s meaning in a deeper way than I had done before. The things stated in the stanza about how I would gain strength from this situation made me contemplate what Y/N would’ve wanted me to do after their death. They wouldn’t want me to give up as I had done before, they had always wanted the best for me. They would want me to gain strength from the situation.

They would want me to grow from the pain that sat in my chest.

They would want me to move on, to accept.

I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone else that I’d ever love as much as I loved them. I didn’t really ever want to, I had found my true love already. Maybe one day I’d find someone to fall in love with again and if I did I knew they would be happy that I was able to move on with someone else. Even if I ever did move on with someone else there’d always be a part of my heart that belonged to Y/N. For now I was ready to move on in a different way. I was ready to live my life without them, by myself.

The trauma of losing them would always weigh heavily on my soul, I’d carry that with me until I rejoined them in the earth. But, I was now ready to keep living, if only for them. I felt less guilty now since I had grown to realize that they’d want me to try and live the rest of my life as fully as I could. They’d want me to try and find happiness. I didn’t know if I would ever truly find it again, whether it was on my own or with someone else.

They may have been forever taken from my sight, but I found comfort in the fact that the radiance they brought into my life would always reside in me. Instead of letting the deep hole in my chest gape until the hour of my death, I’d let it fill with the radiance of their memory.

I was ready to try.

I was ready to try even if I knew the water that felt like I could drown in, the fire that burned so hot that anyone near it would get burned, the earth that I had wished would bury me with the pebbles I had chosen to cope with, and even the polluted air of my sadness around with me everyday would sometimes take ahold of me again no matter how hard I tried.

I’d always carry those emotions with me, but I knew I was ready.

“Nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower.”

I knew I was ready because their memory would always be with me to give me strength and to guide me. They’d always be there to help me try to live the rest of my life peacefully.

When I slept that night I faced the boxes while clutching the book to my chest.

Even though it still would always hurt on some level, I was ready to live in a reality where I could accept.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @oreogutz @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar

Spencer Reid/CM:

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

5 stages of grief:

@joonie-centric @tatesimper @half-blood-dork @mcntsee @illuxions-x @rainsong01 @nomajdetective @loveheathens @day-n-night-dreamer @reidbuck

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

Desperation

I have finally hit 666 (amazing) followers and to celebrate that I decided to write you all something special! The following is absolutely blasphemous, sacriligeous, and immoral in every way. The church does not approve. If this will bother you, please keep scrolling. If this intrigues you, take a gander at the summary and warnings. 

Pairing: Geraskier

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Jaskier and Geralt finally enact one of their most taboo fantasies. 

Warnings: Public sex (in a church/confession booth), vibrating butt plugs (used during a church service), masturbation, dirty talk, edging, ruined orgasm.

Note: I am not encouraging anything that happens in this fic. Public sex is illegal, it will end in arrest and I believe you can be put on the sex offender registry. Please let this be a fantasy that stays a fantasy.

---------------

Jaskier was shaking, be it from excitement or nerves, he wasn't sure.

He hadn't been to church in… well. He didn't know exactly how long it had been but as soon as he managed to get out of it, he did. His parents still went, not to this church, thankfully, but to one across town.

Jaskier had been raised catholic in fact, although he certainly never thought he would end up back in a church. Not willingly, at least.

But after a discussion with Geralt, the couple had decided that this might be a way for him to… come to terms with some of his lingering resentment of the church.

Well, that and they both thought it was kind of hot.

Really, really hot.

Every step he climbed to the church doors had him breathing deeply as the motion pushed the plug he was wearing to press against his prostate.

He smiled tightly at the greeter at the door, dipping his right hand in holy water and making the sign of the cross.  He knelt quickly at the altar, wincing from the pressure the position put on the plug, and then hurried to find a seat, preferably near the back.  He had purposefully showed up fairly late so he could try to find a seat where he wouldn't be too crowded with people. Luckily, toward the back, on the right-hand side, the pews were mostly empty, and he was able to settle with a few feet between him and the other attendees.

He took a sharp breath as he sat down, trying to get comfortable. The plug he had chosen for today was one of the larger ones that curved just right so that most motions pushed it against his prostate. But the real reason he had chosen it was currently in his jacket pocket, a small remote that controlled the level of vibrations coming from the plug. It was off, currently, and Jaskier wasn't sure when or if he would have the confidence to turn it on, but the option alone had him excited. The danger of getting caught did too.

Eventually he had talked to Geralt and the two of them had come up with a plan. Jaskier had woken up that morning incredibly nervous but Geralt had assured him that if he wanted to do it, he would support him and that if he didn't, that was okay too. Fantasies could stay fantasies.

But he did want to do it.

So, there he was, shifting in a church pew, the butt plug in his ass keeping him hard and aching, his hand clenched tightly around the remote in his jacket pocket as he waited for the service to start.

As he listened to the hum of conversations around him, he let his mind wander back to that morning. Geralt had woken him early and shoved him in the shower. After a light breakfast, Geralt had pulled Jaskier back to their room and spent the next ten minutes working his fingers in and out of him at a maddeningly slow pace, finally pushing the plug in. Geralt had nudged Jaskier back into a standing position and helped pull up and fasten his pants, making sure to squeeze his hard on as he did so, drawing a whimper from him. Then Geralt had pulled Jaskier in for a rough kiss and marched him to the door, slapping him on the ass as he walked out of the house.

Jaskier shifted again, biting back a groan at the memory.

It wasn't much longer before it was time for mass to start, Jaskier huffing an uncomfortable breath as he stood up with everyone else as the hymns began.

Standing was easier on Jaskier than sitting had been so he was able stand comfortably through the opening prayer, grunting a bit as he finally sat again, drawing a look from the woman sitting to his right. He felt his cheeks color as he smiled slightly and nodded at her. She frowned at him but redirected her attention back to the front of the church.

As the readings began, Jaskier found himself fidgeting more and more with the remote in his pocket, wondering if he would really be quiet enough. They had tried at home and in the complete silence Geralt, had barely been able to hear it while sitting next to Jaskier. Deciding he could try it and pass it off as the vibration of his phone if worse came to worse, Jaskier quickly flipped the vibrations on their lowest setting.

The low vibrations suddenly pulsing against his prostate had his cock fill fully from the half-hardened state he'd been in since he had arrived at the church. He adjusted his jacket, making sure he looked decent as he breathed slowly. Pleasure was washing over him in warm waves, the pulse just right. No one around him had gave any indication they noticed anything odd, either.

Suddenly feeling brave, Jaskier flipped the vibration settings one notch higher. The faster sensation made him clench his hands, still breathing slow, trying to keep his composure. He moved in his seat, rocking slightly, reveling in the pressure on his cock.

Jaskier found his eyes drifting closed, enjoying the sensations. A loud sneeze a few rows in front of him brought him back to the present, his eyes shooting open as he realized where he was. He gave a surreptitious glance around his, thankful when he found no one paying him any attention.

He let the vibrations slow again, giving him a chance to recover some. The pleasure was still coursing through his body, making him pleasantly warm. The low burn of arousal was something he didn't feel often, too impatient to wait unless Geralt made him.

Shuddering lightly at the thought of Geralt bringing him to the edge just to deny him, Jaskier increased the vibrations again, this time up two notches, suddenly desperate for more.

His body nearly quaked with the strong vibrations and he had to force his eyes to stay open as the plug sent pleasure shooting up his spine. The warm pleasure he had been basking in suddenly getting warmer, hot even. He knew the jacket was necessary to hide his situation and the remote, but he wanted to take it off. Instead, he rocked his hips again, biting his lip at the grind of fabric against his length. It wasn't enough.

If he could just get a hand around himself, he wouldn't last, he knew.

Jaskier had lost track of the service and was unprepared when everyone around him stood. Panicking, he flipped the vibrator off completely, having to take a moment to calm down before he could stand. He made sure to keep his jacket hanging low, hiding the erection pushing against the zipper of his slacks. Standing meant the plug was no longer pressing directly to his prostate, giving him a chance to calm himself. He willed his erection to go down but the tight squeeze from his slacks and the thrill of being so debauched in a public space kept him rock hard.

By the time he was allowed to sit again he was aching, ready for the press of the plug to his prostate again, ready for the fire shooting up his spine. He clenched tightly as he resumed his seat, increasing the sensation, and quickly restarted the vibrations, this time going straight to the fourth setting. He shook at the sudden jolt. This setting was a pulsating sensation, almost a never-ending tap, tap, tap to his prostate. It was the setting Geralt kept it on when he wanted to undo Jaskier thoroughly.

Thinking of his husband had Jaskier biting back a whimper. He could feel his face heat up as his temperature rose. He wanted nothing more than to pull his cock out from his pants and give himself some relief. Suddenly, Jaskier felt his balls tighten, the feeling of impending orgasm washing over him. He squeezed the remote tightly, enjoying the feeling. He knew he could come from just this but that wasn't the plan. He switched the plug off quickly, sucking in sharp breaths as he tried to cool off. He was shaking, so close to bliss before yanking himself back from the edge.

Jaskier let himself tune back into the service, trying to figure out how much longer he would have to suffer this sweet torture. As his breathing was evening out and he was trying to identify what was happening, everyone began standing again. He followed their lead, trying to remain inconspicuous despite still being so worked up. He focused his gaze on the front of the church, recognizing the reciting of the creed. He let out a slow breath, not much longer.

Jaskier went through the rest of the service in a daze, his erection never faltering. It wasn't until the communion when he realized he realized he had turned the plug back on. As he stood before the priest, his heart dropped, sure that this would be it, he would be caught. The priest simply nodded at Jaskier, gesturing for him to return to his seat. Hurrying as fast as his shaky legs could carry him, Jaskier went back to his seat and sat down, shaking, breathing hard. The woman beside him looked at him curiously but focused her attention forward again when the priest began speaking.

He knew he should stop, but it felt so fucking good. Cranking up the toy to the fifth setting, Jaskier let out an involuntary whimper, curling in on himself. He tried to breathe through the shocks of pleasure, but his breathing was ragged at best. It took everything in him to bite back the sounds he was making, and he felt tears stream down his face. He was so desperate.

A gentle touch to his shoulder made him jerk up. He looked around frantically, tear tracks staining his cheeks. He was still shaking as he realized the woman who had been sitting beside him had moved closer.

She looked concerned but he didn't know how to assure her he was fine. Not while he was shaking, crying, desperately trying not to cum, not yet.

"I'm fine, thank you," He choked out.

She nodded at him.

The loud, "Peace be with you," startled him.

"A-and also w-with you," he managed to stutter out.

He sat through the last fifteen minutes through sheer force of will. He looked around, groaning quietly as he realized everyone was filtering out of the church. Oh, he was so close.

Walking through the church to where the confessionals were was a challenge, but Jaskier was determined. He had waited in his seat until he was about to cum, turning the vibrations off quickly. He stayed there until he was able to stifle the soft sobs and clean up his face some. He was still on edge, desperate for relief, but he was calmer now. Calm enough to make his way to the last confession booth, the one a little further away from the others.

Stepping into the booth and closing the door securely behind him, he listened closely until he heard movement in the other side of the booth. Clearing his throat, Jaskier said softly, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been… twenty years since my last confession."

A deep voice hummed thoughtfully from the other side of the booth, "That's a long time. Go ahead, tell me your sins."

Jaskier smiled at the sound of the voice, letting the tension fall from his shoulders. He shuddered as he turned the plug back on, on the lowest setting.

"I… am bisexual. I married a man." He started slowly, letting out a soft moan as he cupped his cock through his pants. Finally.

"Is that all?" The deep voice responded.

Panting, Jaskier released himself from his pants before responding, "No. I… pleasured myself during the service."

The other man grunted softly, "How?"

"H-how?" Surely, he wasn't asking…

The response was gruff, "Yes. How did you pleasure yourself during the service?"

Oh. He was asking… "With… a plug. It v-vibrates."

A chuckle this time, making Jaskier shiver, "Are you still wearing it?"

Jaskier turned the setting up to two, "Yes."

"It is on?"

Jaskier breathed out a sigh, stroking his cock slowly, "Y-yes."

There was a long silence before finally, "Are you touching yourself?"

Jaskier squeezed tightly around the base of his cock, willing himself not to orgasm yet, "Yes."

"Hmm… do you think you deserve to keep pleasuring yourself?"

"W-what?" Jaskier's voice rose in pitch at the question as he turned the vibrations up to the fourth setting, still squeezing his cock.

"I don't think you do," the voice responded, matter of factly, "I think you had your pleasure during the service. Tell me, did you cum?"

"No!"

"Hmm… I don't think you should get to orgasm today. Sinners don't deserve to cum, do they?"

Jaskier whimpered as he turned the plug up to five.

"You're not listening, are you?"

Jaskier choked out a sob, "I'm so close." He started stroking himself again, so very desperate.

And he was so close, his peak closing in quickly. He let out a gasp and thrust into his hand.

"Jaskier stop. Turn it OFF." The demanding voice shocked him out of the cloud of pleasure, and he stopped stroking himself and he grabbed for the remote, shutting it off just before he came.

He shook violently, his cock spilling over his jacket. He whimpered; his body had released but he felt no pleasure.

"Oh no… did I ruin your orgasm?" Jaskier sobbed softly and dropped to his knees.

It wasn't long before gentle hands were stroking his face, wiping his tears. He opened his eyes to see the beautiful amber of Geralt's looking back at him, "Hey, you with me?"

Jaskier nodded weakly.

"Do you want to go home?"

"Please?"

The next thing Jaskier knew, he was being gently lowered into a warm bath. He felt Geralt slide in behind him and he snuggled back into his chest.

"Hey," Geralt's voice was gentle, "how are you feeling?"

Jaskier hummed, his head pillowed against Geralt's pec, "Spacey."

"Good spacey?"

"Yeah."

It wasn't much longer before Jaskier felt himself falling asleep.

He wasn't sure how long it had been when he finally awoke, but he was dressed in one of Geralt's shirts and was tucked into their bed, Geralt resting beside him.

Jaskier smiled and sniggled into Geralt's side, enjoying his warmth. "I love you," he whispered softly.

Geralt grunted without opening his eyes, "I love you, too."

"Thank you… for today."

Geralt pulled Jaskier closer into his side, "I was happy to help you. Did you enjoy it?"

Jaskier made a content noise, "Very much. But I don't think we should do it again. The church part. The rest was nice."

"Hmmm."

"Hey… you never did tell me how you were sure that we would be able to sneak into that confessional."

Geralt chuckled, "An old friend owed me a favor."

Jaskier gasped, "Did you cash in a favor with a priest for me?"

"Go back to sleep Jaskier."

Jaskier huffed, "Fine. But when we get up, I'm getting the whole story."

Geralt rolled on his side and wrapped both arms around Jaskier, "Whatever you want, dear husband."

Jaskier let his eyes close as he reveled in the safe cocoon of Geralt's arms, "Just you, dear heart. You are all I want."

-

Thanks to @hailhailsatan for helping me with my research into catholic mass! And her support and read through and just being a wonderful fucking person. And thanks to @fontegagrilledcheese for encouraging my depravity <3

Check out my masterlist!

 Tag list: @stinastar​​​ @feraljaskier​​​ @bastardofmothman​​​ @hailhailsatan​​​ @moonysourenza​​​ @its-onions​​​ @elliestormfound​​​ @dapandapod​​​ @geraskier-trashh​​​ @jaskierswolf​​​ @fontegagrilledcheese​​​ @negativenuggetz​​ @veritasrose​​  @kozkaboi​​ @kueble​​ @llamasdumpsterfire​​ @selectivegeekwithstandards​​

[whumpcollector]

Lucas Pt.5: Obedience

Hey everybody! I’m not dead. Sorry I haven’t updated in uh *checks watch* hahahahaha we don’t need to worry about that. Hope this one was worth the wait.

CW: Mouth gore, mouth whump, caning, suspension, suspension, stress positions, dehumanization, conditioning, the rack, muzzles, waterboarding, torture, magical whump, healing whump, forced drugging, weird religious stuff but only if you squint.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air was silent save for the sound of footsteps and clinking chains. Lucas was being led down a hallway, flanked by two witch hunters. His normal shackles had been joined by matching manacles on his ankles and a heavy iron collar, all of them etched in the same magic dampening runes. All of the restraints were connected by short and heavy chains, forcing Lucas to hunch and hobble awkwardly to avoid straining his body. A large muzzle was strapped to his head, gagging him and muffling the small sounds of exertion he made as he continued down the hallway.

Lucas and his guards continued their journey, winding through hallways for what felt like an impossibly long time. Neither of the witch hunters had uttered a word, and Lucas found himself wishing they would say something, anything, to pierce the nerve wracking silence. After turning one last corner the trio found themselves in front of a large wooden door. One of the witch hunters pulled the door open, and Lucas found himself once again face to face with Edwin.

The boy was terrified, his eyes going wide and his skin paling as he stared at the witch hunter captain. The larger man looked down at him impassively, his gaze betraying no emotion whatsoever. After a moment Edwin turned around and walked down the hallway, Lucas following behind after a rough shove from the witch hunter behind him. The group traveled in silence for a short while longer before Edwin’s voice finally broke the silence. 

“Welcome to the witch hunter’s stronghold in Ulbrisk Lucas. I do hope you have enjoyed the tour thus far.” 

Lucas couldn’t tell if Edwin was joking or not, the captain’s voice maintaining the same poised, even tone it always had.

“I just got back from a meeting with your master Harold. He has business to attend to and must leave the city today, but has decided to leave you in our care until he returns in a few months time. He has requested that we...remind you of your place while he is away.”

The captain suddenly stopped and turned to face Lucas. The mage tensed, leaning back and swallowing a lump in his throat.

“Something I am more than happy to do. Come, we're almost there.”

With that the group continued their journey through the stronghold. Lucas had not seen the outside of the building, but he figured it had to be massive if they were still moving towards their destination. After a while, the group came to a narrow stairwell that led downwards. Edwin grabbed the small lantern attached to his belt and lit it before gesturing for Lucas and the other witch hunters to follow. As they descended further down the stairwell the light from the upstairs corridor began to fade, and soon the only light was coming from the lantern Edwin held.   

The stairwell led to another narrow corridor, and Lucas couldn’t tell if the shiver that went down his spine was from the cool air or the anticipation of what was to come. He had heard whispers of what the witch hunters were like with their prisoners. Something was telling him they were understatements if anything.

“I’m sure you are wondering what we are planning to do with you.” Edwin spoke suddenly, as if he could tell what Lucas was thinking. “My brothers and sisters in the order would have you killed on the spot. They take the title ‘witch hunter’ very literally, and believe that the best course of action is to hunt all magic users and put them down like dogs.” 

Edwin paused, reaching for his belt and pulling off a key ring. Fiddling for a moment he found the key he needed and inserted it into the locked door in front of him. 

“I am not so fanatical. I believe that magic users can be very useful, that their abilities can benefit mankind so long as they understand their place in this world.” Edwin stepped into the room and Lucas was pushed in after him. “Something you have very clearly forgotten.”

Lucas looked around the room. It was small, the dim light from Edwin’s lantern being more than enough to fill the room entirely. The walls were lined with various chains and mounts for restraints. At the center of the room was a wooden table, tilted at an angle. At the bottom of the table was a winch, and Lucas’ stomach dropped when re realized what he was looking at.

“I see you recognize the rack.” Edwin said as he turned to face the mage. “Rather primitive in its design but effective nonetheless.” 

He nodded to the other witch hunters and the two men grabbed Lucas by the arms and lifted him off the ground, carrying him to the rack as he struggled uselessly in their grip. His chains connected to his shackles were undone just long enough for him to be secured to the slab, his weak protests muffled by the muzzle around his face. Almost instinctively the magic in his body began to flare, only to stop uselessly before the enchanted restraints on his body.

Edwin let out a small chuckle. “I see there is still some fight in you. Take my advice Lucas, don’t resist, don’t struggle.” The captain moved slowly towards the winch attached to the rack, his hand resting on its handle. “Once you come to terms with what you are things will be much less unpleasant.”

Lucas could only shake his head, pleading desperately with his eyes. The captain was unmoved, and without another word began to slowly crank the winch, the chains secured to Lucas’ arms and legs growing taut.

There wasn’t any pain at first, just a slight pulling sensation. But slowly, surely, the feeling grew as the chains lost slack. The pull on Lucas’ limbs became more and more severe, his arms and legs stretching ever so slightly more and more. Lucas began to panic, his breaths becoming quick and shallow as he began to feel his limbs strain. 

“I take no pleasure in this Lucas,” Edwin said, pausing as the winch began to put up more resistance. “This is merely a means to an end for me. I assure you I hope for this to be over quickly as much as you do.”

Lucas was screaming behind the muzzle now, his limbs feeling like they were being torn off. Every crank of the handle sent waves of agony through his body. He begged for mercy, for the captain to simply stop drawing the chains tighter. The words were lost behind the gag and the winch kept slowly, agonizingly turning. Less than a minute passed before Edwin spoke again, though to Lucas it had felt like hours.

“However, I am also not one to leave a job half finished. When this stops depends entirely on when you learn your place. Not a moment sooner.”

He punctuated the last sentence with one last cranking of the winch handle. With a sickening pop Lucas felt his shoulders dislocate, a strangled cry being ripped from his throat. Sweat beaded down his forehead and his eyes were wide and treaty as he watech Edwin approach him. The captain was holding a small syringe filled with a thick bluish liquid. He plunged the syringe into Lucas’ neck, injecting the liquid and addressing the mage again.

“This will keep you awake and aware. Unconsciousness will not be an escape for you unless I allow it.” He turned away, motioning for the other witch hunters to follow. “Have a good night Lucas, I will see you tomorrow.”

With that the hunters left, leaving Lucas in pitch darkness. The mage panted heavily behind his muzzle, pain wracking his body. Moments crawled by and Lucas desperately tried to find some distraction from the burning in his arms and legs. The darkness of the room offered none and coherent thought was not something the boy could manage in his current state. Still as time passed it felt like he was acclimating to the torture, approaching a point where he could allow himself to be lost in the fog of pain.

Then his magic began to try and heal him.

A primal, guttural scream forced itself from Lucas’ lungs. Magic flowed into his shoulders and arms, twisting and contorting muscles in an attempt to drag the dislocated bones back into place. The restraints around Lucas’ wrists did not provide any slack and as his arms failed to heal properly the magic’s efforts became more severe. Tendons and ligaments tore themselves apart and the bones in Lucas’ arms fractured and cracked under the pressure that was exerted on them. It was an agony unlike any the mage had experienced, any he could imagine. 

The futile attempts at healing didn’t stop, only ceasing to become worse when Lucas’ body couldn’t be pushed any farther without ripping his limbs in half. The mage screamed and wailed into the darkness, fleeting prayers for mercy or respite taking hold in his mind before being replaced with another shock of pain. Despite his wishes the serum that Edwin had given him prevented the overwhelming pain from fully consuming him and casting him into unconsciousness. There would be no escape until someone decided to release Lucas, and as this realization dawned on him all he could do was scream into the empty room.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moments, years, an eternity. Lucas could not say how much time had passed when the door to his room opened and Edwin walked inside. The boy looked towards the captain, using what little energy he had left to beg as hard as he could with his eyes. Edwin was, as usual, utterly impassive as he hooked his lantern to the wall and slowly approached the rack. 

“Hello Lucas.” His voice was as level and polite as ever. “I imagine you would like me to release you from this rack. You look a bit worse for wear if you don’t mind my saying.”

Lucas nodded as quickly and as enthusiastically as he could. Yes, please, he would do anything if it meant making the pain stop. Edwin tilted his head and looked at the mage as if he were studying the produce at the city market. He stood there and pondered for what felt like an impossibly long time before nodding his head once and pulling a key ring from his coat.

Without speaking the captain undid the bindings around Lucas’s wrists. The mage fell to the floor with a dull thud. Without the chains to stop them Lucas' arms began to heal, and in a symphony of sickening cracks and pops his shoulders we relocated and the magic finally, finally, ebbed. Lucas let out a small sob of relief, the pain and tension in his body had become tolerable and the residual soreness in his arms was nothing compared to how they felt before. A part of him wanted to truly and genuinely thank Edwin for his mercy, though he lacked the energy and capability to do so. 

Edwin looked down at Lucas passively as he unlocked the bindings on Lucas’ ankles. He lowered himself down, squatting next to the mage’s prone form before patting Lucas on the back.

“I imagine you want to rest after that ordeal. I would be more than happy to allow you but there is one thing we must do first. Come along, all going well this will soon be over for you.”

Lucas looked up at Edwin, a desperate hope in his eyes as he watched the captain stand up and gesture for him to follow. He groaned softly, the exhaustion and pain soaking his body making the mere act of standing up seem impossible. A short time passed before Lucas heard Edwin speak again, the captain’s patience having apparently run thin.

“Lucas, we have something we need to attend to, please stand up.” The captain took a step towards the mage's prone form, his voice turning just a tinge colder. “Unless of course you would like to spend another night on this rack.”

That managed to spur Lucas into action and with what felt to him like a herculean effort he managed to pull himself to his feet. Edwin nodded slightly before exiting the room, Lucas following closely behind him. They walked the labyrinthine halls of the stronghold for some time. Lucas wondered to himself just how large this stronghold was, and if he would ever get to leave it.

“Here we are.”

Edwin’s voice pierced through Lucas’ thoughts, and the mage found Edwin and himself in front of a wooden door. The captain opened the door and gestured for Lucas to enter. The mage obliged, hesitantly keeping his eyes on Edwin. The room he entered was plain, with only a small table and a single chair taking up any space. Lucas looked back towards Edwin, who gestured for the boy to take a seat. 

“Please, sit.” 

Lucas sat down as the captain moved to the other side of the table. Silence hung in the room as Lucas nervously fidgeted in his chair under Edwins gaze. The captain undid the muzzle around Lucas’ face and then walked to the other side of the table, turning to face the mage. 

“Do you remember what I told you yesterday Lucas?”

The mage startled slightly before desperately trying to think of what Edwin was referring to. Vague fragments of sentences formed in his mind but whatever Edwin had been talking about had been clouded by the pain he endured shortly after. 

“I said…” Edwin began, pulling Lucas from his thoughts. “That your kind, mages, are meant to serve their betters. And that once you understand and embrace that fact life for you will become so much simpler, so much easier.”

The mage nodded slightly, unsure of where the captain was going. He got his answer when Edwin tossed a pair of rusty pliers onto the table.

“Pull out one of your teeth”

“W-what?” Lucas stuttered out.

Edwin raised an eyebrow, as if he didn’t understand what there was to be confused about. “I want you to pull one of your teeth out with those pliers.”

The mage stared at Edwin with wide eyes, before frantically shaking his head and begging. “P-please, no. I-i promise I’ve learned my lesson. Please.”

“No, you clearly have not.” He stated, disappointment laced in his voice. He snapped his fingers and two witch hunters entered the room, pulling Lucas up from the chair and strapping another muzzle onto his face. 

“I gave you an order, and you resisted.” Edwin turned to the hunters. “Do what you wish so long as he survives.”

Lucas struggled frantically against his captors, pleading as best he could through his gag. Edwin merely shook his as the mage was dragged out of the room. 

“You brought this upon yourself Lucas.”

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucas screamed as another heavy blow landed on his ribs. The boy was strung up by his feet, his head hanging a foot or so off the ground. The shackles on his wrists were secured to the floor, with the shorter chains forcing his body taut. A cloth sack had also been tied over his head, leaving him unable to see what was coming.

Another blow, this one aimed at his left knee, another muffled cry of pain. The hunters that had strung Lucas up paced around him, tapping heavy canes against their palms as they planned their next strike. They had been going at it for hours, taking turns beating Lucas’ dangling body. The lack of sight and unpredictable timing left the mage constantly on edge, dreading the next strike but unable to truly prepare for it. 

Seconds dragged by as the slow footsteps of the hunters filled Lucas’ ears. He hated this, hated the waiting, almost more than he hated the beating itself. The anticipation drove him mad and all he could do was whimper behind his muzzle and hope that the next blow wouldn’t-

    A cane slammed into Lucas’ stomach, driving the wind out of the mage, causing him to choke and gag. He felt like he was going to be sick, not that there was anything in his stomach to begin with. Lucas sobbed softly, his cries muffled behind the gag and the sack over his head. A tense silence fell over the room again, and Lucas found himself almost wishing it were Devran beating him. The man’s angry swearing and taunts gave Lucas something other than the beating to focus on, some minor distraction. Here he had nothing. The hunters were dead silent, and with his vision blocked all Lucas could do was wait and dread and hurt.

A metallic clinking reached Lucas’ ears and suddenly he felt his body slam into the ground, his arms bent at an awkward angle. The hunters undid the chains that secured Lucas’ wrists to the ground and pulled him upright and began leading him somewhere. The sack hadn’t been removed from his head so Lucas couldn’t see where they were going. The group walked for a time until Lucas felt himself forced into a chair, his arms and legs secured to it with leather straps. The sack was pulled off of his head and Lucas looked around confused before one of the hunters grabbed his head and removed the muzzle from his mouth.

“W-wha-”

A sharp slap to the face interrupted Lucas’ question, and the sack was pulled over his head again. He felt the chair tilt backwards and wondered what exactly was coming next. He got his answer when he felt a stream of water being poured onto his face, soaking the cloth sack on his head. The fabric pressed against his nose and mouth, and Lucas began to gag and cough. The mage struggled against his bonds, his head held firmly in place and his restaurants not budging. 

He couldn't breathe. He was drowning. He couldn’t breathe and they weren’t stopping and he needed air and he couldn’t breathe and he was going to die if they didn’t stop and h-

The water stopped and the sack was pulled off his face. Lucas hacked and coughed, desperately gasping for air. His reprieve was short, and the sack was quickly pulled back over his head. Lucas began to panic shaking his head and trying to plead for mercy. His objections were cut short as the flow of water began again. 

The sensation of drowning returned immediately and Lucas once again began to struggle. He couldn’t take this. He couldn’t. It was too much. He needed a break, a moment, just one moment, to rest. 

The water stopped, the sack was pulled off of his head, and Lucas was given an all too short window to breathe before the process repeated itself. On and on, over and over. Each break felt shorter, each second under the water stretched out longer than the last. Lucas wondered if this would be how he died. He had a feeling his captors wouldn’t be letting him off so easy.

Hours passed and the sack was pulled off on last time. The hunters secured the muzzle back onto Lucas’ face and pulled the mage to his feet again. They dragged him out of the room and down the hall, another torment awaiting him just around the corner.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Footsteps echoed through the empty hallway as Edwin made his way towards the mage’s cell. It had been just about a week since he had last seen the boy, and he was hopeful that they would come to an understanding this time. The captain stopped in front of a door, taking some time to fiddle with his key ring before unlocking the door. 

Lucas stood in the middle of the room, his occasional pants and grunts of exertion breaking the silence. The hunters had left him in a stress position last night. His arms were tied behind his back and a length of chain attached that looped through a hook in the ceiling pulled them upwards. The other end of the chain was secured to a collar secured around Lucas’ neck and to prevent himself from choking Lucas needed to strain his shoulders. The short length of the chain also forced Lucas onto the tips of his toes, forcing the mage to strain his entire body in order to avoid being strangled or dislocating his shoulders. 

Edwin walked towards Lucas, whistling a song he had heard in the city square earlier that day. The mage flinched when Edwin got closer, a good sign. The captain unlocked the chains connected to Lucas’ wrists and neck, watching impassively as the boy fell to the floor with a thud. Edwin crouched by Lucas’ prone form casually pulling the sack off of Lucas’ head and pulling him off the ground. Lucas regarded Edwin with bleary bloodshot eyes, his endurance having been long since spent.

“Hello Lucas. It has been a while since we last saw each other.” Lucas stayed silent and Edwin continued. “Come now son, I’m certain you’d like a chance to rest but there is one little thing we must take care of beforehand. Might as well not drag it out right?”

Edwin did not wait for a response as he began walking out of the room. He heard soft footsteps following behind him and smiled to himself for a moment. Their walk was silent as usual, and Edwin led them through the halls of the stronghold until they reached the room. The captain opened the door and gestured for Lucas to enter before following shortly after.

Lucas stood awkwardly next to the chair and Edwin motions for the boy to take a seat. Lucas obliged and Edwin nodded before pulling a pair of pliers out from his coat and placing them in front of the mage. 

“Lucas. Take those pliers and pull out one of your teeth.”

Lucas stared at the pliers for a few seconds before hesitantly picking them up. His hands were shaking and Edwin could see his resolve begin to crack as he brought them closer to his mouth. Lucas opened his mouth and began to move the pliers closer but then froze. He stared at the tool in his hands, unable to bring them any closer. He needed one last nudge.

“Lucas. Do I need to have my brothers continue your education?”

That managed to push through whatever hesitation Lucas had. With a shaky breath he clamped the pliers around one of his teeth and, after one last second to prepare himself, twisted hard and pulled.

An agonized cry crossed Lucas’ lips as the tooth came out. He hunched over the table, blood dripped from his mouth onto the table and his knuckles were white from gripping the pliers, the tooth still held between its jaws. Edwin walked forward, standing next to Lucas before gently placing a hand on top of his head. He looked up at Edwin, unsure of what was coming next.

Edwin gave the boy a small smile. “Good boy, Lucas.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags!: @ladygwennn @dramaticcollapse @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @brutal-nemesis @haro-whumps @rippedjeansandfadeddreams

[chroniccombustion]

Caught in The Grey (ch 6)

Genre: Trans!AU, hurt/comfort, romance, angst with a happy ending Rated: T Characters: Souji Seta (Yu Narukami), Yosuke Hanamura, Naoto Shirogane, Kanji Tatsumi, Investigation Team, Izanagi/Shadow!Souji Warnings: depression, dysphoria, disassociation, self-hatred, implied suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, mentions of homophobia, implied past child abuse and transphobia, canon-typical violence, mild sexual content Status: multi-chapter, incomplete

Playlist: Spotify | Youtube <- previous chapter | next chapter -> (unavailable)

Souji is talking to Kanji.

Souji is walking with Kanji.

Yosuke feels something inside of him twist sharply. He feels… sick.

Chapter 6: On the Outside, Waiting

“I was only in my mind, You were on the outside waiting. I could feel you all the time. Your voice could save me...”

- (“Echo”, Starset)

Thursday absolutely creeps into existence.

Yosuke wakes with a vicious headache. It doesn’t start off slowly, either; from his first moment of consciousness, even before opening his eyes, his head feels like something has been trying to claw its way out from inside his skull while he slept. It thrums just behind his eyeballs, leaving everything tinted ever-so-slightly yellow around the edges with each pulse. He digs the heels of his hands into his eye sockets in an attempt to lesson the pressure, but all he gets for his troubles is a stinging, lingering starburst behind his lids – not even ten minutes into the day and Yosuke’s mood is already beyond all hope of saving. So, bleary and exhausted, he forces himself to ooze out of bed like melted wax. He gets up, frowning against the sickening dizziness, the weird sallow hue, and drags himself through the house to get ready for the day.

Going about his morning routine feels like he’s wading through wet concrete. The constant pain keeps his stomach just barely at the point right before nausea, and as he sidesteps around Teddie in their new “brotherly tradition” of communal teeth-brushing, Yosuke has to actively fight the urge to just go back to bed and stay there until Monday. Maybe if he hits a hard reset he can write off the Endless Week from Hell as just another nightmare; fuck knows he’s had enough weird dreams lately that one more wouldn’t mean much at this point.

He doesn’t though. He powers through the motions on pure muscle memory and diverts what little willpower he does manage to scrape together towards putting on a mask of normalcy. It sticks in place precariously, like dried, cracking glue that’s flaking off under too much heat and wear. He keeps the façade going as best he can, however, because despite wishing he could just evaporate into nothingness, Yosuke doesn’t want Teddie to think he’s pissed off at him. (Because he isn’t, not specifically, even if the bear’s enthusiasm for everything is a dozen kinds of irritating this morning.) So Yosuke does his best to try and keep his mental and physical discomfort as close to secret as possible.

More than being worried that Teddie will take it personally, though, Yosuke just doesn’t want his little brother to ask at all. The reserves of energy Yosuke normally has tucked away have not yet been replenished after days of continuous draining. Even the overflow of nervous, anxious energy that comes from his brain and not his body and makes it impossible for him to sit still half the time; he just… doesn’t have it. There’s simply nothing left that he can spare, not even for Teddie.

So Yosuke swallows down the pressure in the back of his throat that threatens to choke him and pretends that nothing is wrong, that his head isn’t pounding like it’s about to explode and he’s two steps away from giving up for the day. He speaks when Teddie prompts him to, answering questions or responding as needed and staying quiet with it’s not. He lets the chatty blond fill the silence for him, instead, and uses Teddie’s unnatural lack of a need for air to his advantage. For the most part, it seems to work in his favor.

Teddie doesn’t notice – or at least, Yosuke doesn’t think he notices – and by the time Yosuke has to leave for school he’s almost convinced that his act has been bought. It’s only at the last minute, when he glances up for no real reason while slipping on his shoes and spots Teddie in the entryway next to him, that he catches the odd sideways look his brother is pinning him with. Yosuke gives him an overly sunny smile as he opens the door, pretending to both his brother and himself that he doesn’t see the frown on Teddie’s face, and finally slumps out into the chilly morning air.

He tries not to think about it for long.

The sky outside is drearier than it has any right to be as he begins trudging along the path to school. He’s actually a little glad for it – the diluted sunlight is just low enough that it doesn’t hurt his eyes and make his still-present headache worse the way a brighter, bluer morning might. Sadly, with his proverbial battery as drained as it is he can’t take much comfort from the lack of extra pain, and it does nothing to lift his mood from the murky depths of his own self-pity. So, even though the sun doesn’t bother him directly, Yosuke keeps his eyes trained on the concrete beneath his shoes as he walks and distributes his weight onto the balls of his feet to keep his own footsteps from jostling his brain.

He makes his way carefully down the familiar first part of the trek. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t pay attention to anything except the quiet music from his headphones – cranked down today so as not to exacerbate what he’s starting to think might be a migraine. Nothing happens; he’s never been so glad for uneventful monotony. He counts the cracks in the sidewalk as he crosses them and lets himself get lost in the repetition.

He doesn’t want to think – not about Souji, not about the dreams, not about the squirmy, guilty feelings low in his gut leftover from last night’s shitty texts. None of it.

He doesn’t want to think at all.

(He feels his knees start to buckle mid-step and has to forcibly blank out his mind to stop himself from remembering everything that’s made him question his own reality over the past few days, lest he turn right the fuck around and lock himself in his bedroom for a year.)

Surprisingly it seems to work; the awful, mocking voice isn’t there this morning, chewing at his memories and bringing them all into sharp relief. There is no harsh whispering in his ears, telling him all the ways he’s fucked up or how worthless and forgettable he is, how much Souji must secretly hate him or how disgusting Yosuke really is down inside. Instead there’s an eerie quiet, only broken by Yosuke’s own mind when he slips and lets his caged thoughts out for a moment. He can’t tell if he’s glad or unnerved.

He tries not to think about that, either.

(The yellow hue hasn’t gone away – he doesn’t know what that means but he’s pretty sure it’s nothing good.)

The mental silence feels like a cool breeze against a scalding sunburn for the short amount of time it lasts. It follows Yosuke the first third or so of the journey, numbing him to the streets and background highway noise within the couple-block radius around his house. But as much as he wishes it could last the entire day, Yosuke has long-since learned that nothing good or decent lingers around him for very long before vanishing and leaving him desperate for steady ground. All too soon, in little visual bits and pieces, he starts to habitually recognize his surroundings once more.

Just past the point where the sounds from the highway he lives by start to fade entirely, Yosuke’s eyes catch on minor landmarks, reminding him of just where he is and where he’s heading. He slows his already-sluggish pace even further and lifts his head to properly align himself with the rest of reality. Up ahead, about a block away, lies the little stretch of road where he and Souji’s paths usually intersect; he’d avoided it yesterday, and looking at it now, even from a distance, Yosuke can feel his nerve endings beginning to spark and crackle, even as his mind stays unnaturally silent. His muscles tense slightly, like his body is getting ready to break into a sprint at any moment before his head can even fully catch up and register the bitter unease that’s steadily taking hold. He hates this. He hates the way his stomach drops out at the sight of he and Souji’s meeting place. There isn’t even anyone there that he can see – though he’s ashamed to admit the teensy flash of disappointment – because... well, because – and, even worse, how afraid he is to stick around and find out if that’s going to change any time soon.

(The whole world turns sickly bile-yellow for a second; the color disappears when Yosuke blinks and swallows with a dry throat, but for a single instant it’s there.)

I can’t do this.

Just like yesterday, just like the coward he is, all talk and no spine, Yosuke lets his feet turn away from his typical route and down a nearby side street. It’ll take him a little extra time to go around like this, to wind through a different part of town and come out at another spot along the river before heading practically a back way up to Yasogami. He’ll still have to take the path to the front gates – there isn’t really another way he can go – but if he can do enough meandering and time it right then he can (probably, hopefully) avoid Souji until he’s actually in the classroom. He’ll have to figure out the rest of the day as it comes.

He stalls and stalls and wanders and picks his way carefully along a zig-zagging line in the general direction of the high school. He’s familiar enough with where he’s going that the roundabout way itself doesn’t bother him; he’s already spent a lot of time mindlessly exploring the streets of Inaba.

When his family first moved from the city, out to this tiny little hole in the middle of nowhere, Yosuke had found himself with too much free time and too few distractions to keep his mind from dwelling on his own misery. Being new meant he had no friends, and being the person everyone seemed to blame for Junes’ existence meant he wasn’t really welcome anywhere either. When he wasn’t at school he was working, and when he wasn’t working he was home alone because his parents were working, and when he was home alone his options were either homework or unpacking boxes. Eventually he ran out of both.

Video games were only fun for a little while before they grew frustrating and boring without someone else to play with. Movies and tv were alright but sooner or later he’d already seen everything twice over. Books where never really his thing because his attention span was always just too short to let him enjoy them; manga was better, but had the same problem as movies. In the end, Yosuke’s only choice for something to do besides sit and stare at the wall had been to go walking – if only to try and familiarize himself with the place he was inevitably going to be stuck in for the rest of his natural life.

So he walked. From the school district down towards his house, looping and doubling back to kill time, or from Junes after an earlier shift and across to the other side of town just to see how far this tiny pocket of rural bullshit extended before he hit the wilderness. He might not have gotten the whole place memorized, but after those first couple of months in Inaba, when his entire experience with the town outside of school, work, or the pile of moving boxes at home had been made up of long walks and lonely hours, Yosuke’s mental map had soon become, at the very least, decent.

He calls on that mental map now as he rounds another corner, pulling at a few staler memories to see if he’s going the way he thinks he is. The house at the end of the street with the blue shutters, the rickety doghouse in the front yard across the road – yep, all still there. He’s probably going to be late again, or very, very close to it, but as long as he keeps moving, as long as he twists and winds and pretends he doesn’t eventually have to join the rest of the student population on the same road to the school entrance, he can keep himself from succumbing to his anxiety. Souji is punctual, Souji likes routine. If Yosuke takes his time getting to school and avoids the usual path, then he theoretically doesn’t have to worry about accidentally running into Souji on the way.

But even as the thought helps to keep the jitters at bay, there is just something so… inherently wrong about it that Yosuke has to bite down hard on the inside of his own cheek to keep himself from choking. This is a violation of his own routine, of everything that has made his world anything considering normal up to this point. Never in a million years would he have ever thought himself capable of outright hiding from his best friend, going out of his way to purposefully avoid him – it feels like a betrayal, like he’s adding just one more slight against Souji to his ever-growing pile of mistakes. A faint echo of loneliness washes over him and clings to his skin like a humid breeze – the morning feels far too much like the walks he used to take before he even knew that Souji existed, all those months ago.

He never wants to go back to that.

He thinks he may have forgotten how to breathe.

Digging his shoes a little more roughly into the sidewalk, Yosuke powers his way up the street – headache be damned – and past the house with the blue shutters, counting his footsteps in his head loud enough to eclipse the lyrics of the song in his headphones. He keeps his head down and his shoulders hunched, only letting his eyes lift from the sidewalk to keep himself from tripping over as he walks like the entire world is clawing at his heels.

He almost doesn’t notice when he’s reached the path that leads through the school district.

He almost doesn’t notice the achingly familiar sound of Souji’s voice further up along the road.

He almost doesn’t notice the figure striding along at his partner’s side.

But then he does.  

Yosuke looks up instinctively as his friend’s voice reaches his ears, startling violently for a moment when he sees just how close he got to Souji without even realizing it. His heart stutters, trembles like the wings of a frightened moth at the flash of silver not even twenty feet in front of where Yosuke has been disassociating as he walks. (And how funny is it that even when Yosuke forgets where he is, his feet always seem to lead him right back to the one thing that’s ever made his life make any sort of sense?) He nearly trips on the next footfall as he overrides his own autopilot and manually slows his pace, falling a little further back from the ethereal swath of black-and-moonlight ahead of him just enough to not be noticed. He makes sure to stay close enough that he can still hear his partner speaking, though – not even the words themselves, just the sound of Souji is all he really needs.

(Just how needy can he get?)

Souji’s voice carries on the slight breeze that blows through and ruffles his hair, moving it enough to catch the muted morning light and make it shine like sunbeams across the Samegawa. Souji's volume is as quiet as ever but unmistakable in its steady timbre, its velvet-softness, and even with his headphones still on Yosuke can hear it. He’s trained himself to pick up on Souji’s commands through his music while in battle. By now it’s almost second nature to him to react every time his friend speaks.

But Souji isn’t speaking to Yosuke. No, Yosuke is still a ways behind him and from the looks of it Souji hasn’t noticed Yosuke at all. Instead, walking side-by-side, so close that their arms nearly brush every time one of them gestures, Souji is talking to someone else. Someone tall, with broader shoulders and a louder voice, bleach-blond hair slicked back to show off the glint of several earrings, a uniform jacket worn like a cape instead of over the arms.

Souji is talking to Kanji.

Souji is walking with Kanji.

Something inside of Yosuke twists sharply. He feels… sick.

It sits like concrete in the pit of his stomach, growing rapidly in its weight until he can barely breathe, can barely see, the edges of his vision almost pulsing with that same ominous yellow. He can't think for a moment, can't focus on anything but the way his best friend – his best friend, goddamnit! - walks just a little too close to Kanji, smiles just a little too widely at Kanji. It's wrong, it's wrong, it's so wrong, and Yosuke can't even begin to peel back his own thoughts from the slow crescendo of screaming now building inside his mind to parse just why he's suddenly so angry. The yellow becomes tinged with something almost like an acidic green, the color of jealousy and vomit and everything Yosuke can feel at the back of his throat like a wad of wet paper. He feels shaky in a new way, no longer afraid but something closer to how he tenses before a strike in battle. Defensive. A snarl curls at his lips before he can stop himself, and it's only because he's still rooted to the spot in a kind of shock that doesn't even feel human anymore that he doesn't go launching himself across the way and yanking Souji back to himself by the arm.

Somewhere, deeper than the anger and the horrible heat trickling down his spine, Yosuke knows he's being unreasonable; after all, Kanji is Souji's friend, too, and it's not like Yosuke has exactly been available for Souji to interact with recently, so there's nothing in the world wrong with the other boy walking to school with another member of their team. He wishes he could pinpoint where this is even coming from, why he's suddenly flipped like a switch from wanting to avoid Souji at all costs to violently wanting to hoard him all to himself. It doesn't make any sense, and Yosuke's actually starting to get a little bit frightened of his own reaction.

It's just too bad he can't feel it properly below everything sinking into his heart, poisoning him from the inside out; maybe it would be enough to snap him out of whatever this is.

He stands stock still, only vaguely aware of the other people around him, some shooting looks at him no doubt, and watches as his Souji (his, something in him hisses,) passes through the gate with someone other than Yosuke. He watches, body frozen and eyes burning, refusing to blink as Souji, his friend, his leader, his partner approaches the school together with Kanji, the same way he used to (used to, should be,) with Yosuke.

It shouldn’t knock the wind from Yosuke’s lungs like he’s taken a Zio straight to the chest; it shouldn’t, because when all is said and done it's almost guaranteed all this is completely innocent – Souji is a friendly guy, and it's never been like him to say no to anyone asking for his time. (Except for when he did, Yosuke thinks bitterly, because wow, that wound is just not closing.)

But that's the thing, isn't it? Because no matter how much it is absolutely Yosuke's fault for putting this newest distance between him and his partner, even if Souji's refusal to talk to him had set everything in motion, no matter who or what is truly to blame for this, it does little to change the very real fact that Yosuke is not the one by Souji's side right now.

That Souji has picked someone else.

The scene is so similar that it’s almost as if Yosuke is looking at a displaced echo, a badly done juxtaposition of two different images made to look like one. Like someone stripped the negative of a photograph and pasted in a poor substitute. Like someone replaced the original and, and...

Told you, the voice inside his brain sneers. For the first time that morning, Yosuke feels that formless smirk stretching wider, curling into his fingers and toes like something settling into its frame after being wadded up, stuffed into a space it didn't fit. It feels simultaneously right and wrong – wrong because he doesn't think it's supposed to be there, hiding just behind his limbs, adhering to his bones and pricking at his nerve endings; right because the thing now wearing his skin alongside him disagrees.

It was only a matter of time before he got tired of your shit.

It was only a matter of time before he got tired of you.

He takes a few steps after them as they start to get just a little bit too far away, hyper -focusing on the way Souji acts, the sound of his voice and the way it lilts and flows, comfortable in a way Yosuke's rattling memories can't recall if he's ever been before. Yosuke zeros in on the lack of distance between the pair ahead of him, scanning them like Rise does in the TV and storing away all the minute details he can suddenly see, focus now sharp as his kunai. He sees the way Kaji's face reddens. He sees Souji looking over at Kanji with a bright expression, with a smile that shows teeth and pulls the corners of his mouth wider than Yosuke has ever seen when Souji is talking to him. He feels a growl rumbling deep in his throat.

Souji tilts his head in Kanji’s direction as the punk says something, swinging a large hand out in front of himself with obvious excitement and nearly smacking into Souji’s side with his elbow. He catches himself before the hit lands and sheepishly pulls his arm away, face going redder. Souji lightly, deliberately, bumps Kanji's elbow with the back of his own hand, no doubt reassuring the blond that his exuberance has caused no harm. Kanji rubs at the spot awkwardly. He says something. He blushes harder.

And Souji laughs.

It not a real laugh, it never really is with Souji, nothing louder than a very quiet chuckle or a huff or a breath, but Yosuke has heard it before, has been the one to bring it out before, so he would know that sound anywhere, will always recognize that silent shudder of his partner's shoulders as the other boy uses his body to communicate instead of his voice. Yosuke doesn't have to hear it – his mind supplies the sound.

That's mine! he snarls.

Not anymore, something mockingly singsongs in reply.

The yellow-green in his eyes grows darker and Yosuke can see the corners start to creep inward with solid color, until all he can see is the fondness on Souji's face that isn't meant for him.

He has to claw his way back to the forefront of his mind in order to get to class on time, just barely slinking into the room with the teacher coming up the hallway behind him. His eyes bore into the soft grey hair at the back of Souji's neck and – for the briefest of moments – he has to quell the urge to lean forward and sink his teeth into his partner's flesh, leave his imprint for all the world to see and claim what's his.

He doesn't even notice the way the thing inside him that before would have been copper and sick now seems to purr at the thought.

---

He doesn't remember the rest of the day.

Yosuke is aware that he somehow makes it through the school day, bounding out of the room at lunchtime to go and... well, he doesn't even know, really. He thinks he may have gone up to the roof but he isn't sure. He knows that he did eventually go back to the classroom – presumably after lunch – but beyond that there's nothing. The end-of-day bell sounds and he's immediately on his feet, out the door, down the hall, head foggy and vision tinted yellow; if anyone says anything to him then he doesn't even notice.

Something ugly is happening to him inside. He knows it, doesn't know how to fight it. Right now, after that morning, after everything swirling around in his chest and his head for most of the week now, Yosuke feels a disconnect between himself and reality. He's spent so much time trying not to think, then over-thinking, the repeating, and repeating, and repeating, that it's like something has finally snapped. He's so tired and wrung out that he can't tell how he even feels right now, whether he's mad at Souji or Kanji or himself. Or all three. Or just fucking everything. It's as if there's a block of ice holding him separate from the dark things twisting like vines behind his heart; he can't look at them, can't pull them apart with his hands and study them, he can only feel them coiling tighter and tighter until his body goes numb.

His phone goes off in his pocket as he stalks his way down the hill away from school, thighs burning despite months of combat toning his muscles inside the TV. He checks it on instinct, feels the vines in his ribs twist in another direction as he reads the “I miss you, Partner,” that Souji had texted him.

Guilt or anger or self-disgust or something climbs its way to the back of his throat and threatens to spill from his lips onto the sidewalk and it's such a mess, such a god-fucking-awful mess that the only thing Yosuke can do is type a quick, dismissive, “sorry @ work” and back out of the text before he chokes on molten, raw emotion. Without even looking he scrolls and clicks on a random chat log further down the list and pulls it up so he doesn't have to look at Souji's name anymore, doesn't have to try and figure out if he's upset or happy or just sick to his stomach. Chie's nickname screams at him from the phone screen, her words from last night still justifiably pissed.

Yosuke takes a second to think of the dirtiest pick-up line he can and sends it off, not even caring anymore. It doesn't feel like anything, he gets no satisfaction from it, doesn't even bother harboring the idea that maybe she'd find it funny like he used to do ages ago. It doesn't mean anything. Nothing means anything anymore. He's just hollow.

His phone 'ping!'s and he barely glances at the response. She's mad again. Whatever. Let her be. Yosuke deserves it – the frigid rush he gets from her anger coats his skin and, in a horrible, disgusting way, it makes him feel better. Good. At least someone feels something in his direction. He sends her another message, pretending it was all a joke, that he wasn't punching at the walls of his tiny world just to feel anything anymore. He's gone so far from the constant buzz of anxiety and fear that he's grown immune to it now. Everything is so loud and at the same time it's all too brutally quiet. It's like he's rigged for self-destruction, caught in a loop of feeling betrayed and wanting to betray in return out of spite, folding back around to hating himself for it, wishing everything was back to normal, that he and Souji were back to normal, and then wanting to rip his own skin off when he realizes they aren't and can't. It tilts him side to side and he can't balance. He can't regulate his emotions, can't sort out his feelings, has no outlet – all he can do is take a swipe at everything around him and hope he finds a handhold, something to pull him back to the surface. Maybe if he causes enough damage outside himself then it will make up for all the damage already caused inside.

He wants to scream.

Instead, Yosuke types out another dirty text and hits send with shaking, vindictive hands.

Nothing changes as the afternoon stretches on. Chie spits more fire at him through the phone, apparently borrowing Yukiko's element for a while as she tells Yosuke in loving detail just how many ways she intends to break his knees. He hates that it's almost comforting in its normalcy – albeit in a dark and over-exaggerated way. The ice block sits comfortably in his chest, hindering him from properly feeling the fallout of his actions as the vines dig their thorns in deeper; he knows that if he tries to look behind it then he'll be disgusted with himself all over again, (Chie really doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, for one thing) and so he just. Doesn't. He holds back the part of him still consciously rallying against everything he's doing, yelling at him to stop, throwing itself against the frozen wall to try and make him feel all the remorse and guilt he knows is there behind the ice. It's building, drop by drop, bucket by bucket, action by action, but Yosuke can't make himself stop.

You really are a worthless piece of shit, aren't you?

It's to the point where Yosuke can no longer tell the mocking, hissing, whispering voice inside his head from his own. He thinks there might not be a difference at all anymore.

He wanders through the streets and between the buildings in the same weaving, winding pattern he did that morning, letting the music in his ears and the faint ache in his legs from his ceaseless power walking distract him from all the things he wants to pretend aren't happening. Eventually he reaches the bottom of another hill and doubles back to kill more time before his shift at Junes – because, unlike the night before, he really does have one this time. He debates on calling in as he takes the long way around to the shopping district. Right now he barely feels human, let alone like he's capable of interacting with other people; donning the mask of artificial pep needed to deal with shoppers is draining even on the good days, despite the fact that he's used to being on autopilot while at work with too many years of involuntary customer service making it almost muscle memory by now. In the end, though, he decides against it. Calling in will mean having to make up a good excuse for his dad, which might lead to a far longer and more complicate conversation than Yosuke has any desire to have. There's no way he has the energy to play verbal minesweeper with his parents, whether it be now or later once they get home.

He checks his phone to see how much time he has left to fortify himself, to keep his brain and his heart blissfully, chaotically numb, and sees a trio of new texts from Chie that must have come through while he wasn't looking. He taps her name to bring the chat back up and expects to see more of the usual fair. He doesn't.

Meat-Fu: What's going on Hanamura? This isn't normal.

Meat-Fu: U know u can talk 2 me right?

Meat-Fu: Ur my friend & I'm worried.

Yosuke feels like he's been stabbed.

Nonononono,this isn't right! With all the shit he's pulled to get attention, validation, to force the world to prove he's a bastard, none of it was supposed to result in this. He's sick, he's worthless, why can't everyone just hate him as much as he hates himself?!

Yosuke nearly throws the phone away from him, his body suddenly shaking as the ice cracks and the vines squeeze and he comes dangerously close to feeling something. This wasn't – he doesn't' know how to deal with this. Everything is off-kilter; Souji has gone and replaced him with Kanji and Kanji is stealing his best friend and it's all Yosuke's fault because he's disgusting, of course Souji isn't going to want anything to do with you anymore – and Kanji probably has the same kind of dreams that Yosuke's been having because that's what gay people do, right? And now Chie, of all people is picking up on the stuff Yosuke is trying so hard to shove down because how does he even begin to deal with all of this and he can't let her know, he can't! Not after everything he's done and said and everything he's turning into, oh god.

Blinking through the sudden blur in his vision, (when did he start tearing up, what the hell?) Yosuke grips his phone in both hands and sucks in breath after breath of too-thick air. He's so tired of borderline breakdowns. Typing as best he can with his limited sight, he fumbles out a reply, just something, anything to grind the conversation to a screeching halt before it can even begin.

Yosuke: wth r u talking about? lol ur crazy Chie

He sends it. It's not enough, it's too casual, too easy to brush off, but he can't see the screen anymore and his fingers won't move right. So he sends it and he stands there in the middle of the sidewalk near the bus stop in the shopping district, staring unseeing down at his phone and forcing himself not to blink. The tears stay in his eyes, dry up, fade away. He takes a shaky breath in and lowers his phone.

“Yosuke-kun?”

Oh no.

It's like a nightmare. An actual nightmare. He looks up and sees Yukiko standing a few feet away from him, likely waiting for the stupid bus (why did he have to stop here? Why?) with what looks like a couple of Junes bags draped over the crook of her elbow. She must have just finished shopping and come straight to the bus stop, ready to head home.

Which means Yosuke would have been damned either way – if he'd gone straight to work he would have run into her there, and because he'd stalled for so long he'd run into her here. He shouldn't have answered Chie's text, should have kept moving, should have taken another route or hidden in the stock room at work. He should have--

Yukiko takes a step closer, concern sweeping over her delicate brows. “Are you alright, Yosuke-kun?” She takes another step. Her lips pull into a frown as she looks at him and Yosuke can't even begin to imagine what's she's seeing.

“H-huh?” he squeaks out. His knees don't want to hold him up.

Yukiko's frown deepens. “You look troubled, did something happen?”

Yosuke shakes his head. “No! No, I'm perfectly fine, I'm just uh...” He flounders for a second, staring at her like she's an approaching Shadow four times his size – even if she hasn't moved since that second step in his direction. He knows his eyes are wider than a cat's, he can feel it. Finally he manages to blurt out, “stalling? Cuz I really don't wanna go to work.” (Well it's not... exactly a lie.)

From the way Yukiko is looking at him, he knows she isn't convinced, can already tell she's thinking of saying something. She's quiet and polite most of the time, yes, but she's been getting better at speaking her mind, and that scares him right now. He can barely keep himself together over a text conversation; there's no way in hell Yosuke will be able to make it out of a face-to-face one alive.

So he defaults. He defaults and it leaves him feeling gross and slimy even before it's finished leaving his tongue; “You know, if you're worried about me, you could always come cheer me up.”

(Oh god does he wish he could put the words back in his mouth and swallow them down.)

Yukiko leans back slightly, her expression turning uncomfortable, and it just serves to make Yosuke feel even worse about what he's doing. She opens her mouth to speak. Yosuke cuts her off.

“You never did send me that picture.” He tries to wink. He doesn't like how it feels.

This time, Yukiko recoils as if something foul has been splashed at her. “That's--”

But Yosuke is already turning on his jelly-kneed legs and willing them to carry him just around the corner, just out of sight. “See you tomorrow!” he calls, trying to keep himself from retching as the words come out. Behind him, he hears the sound of the bus' breaks squealing and pushes his legs faster. Yukiko won't follow him, he knows (he hopes,) lest she miss her ride home and have to wait for the next one. Yosuke has been spared for now.

(Except he hasn't really, now has he?)

He's almost makes it up to the top of the shopping district, almost makes it to (possible) safety at Junes where he can hide between the aisles, go and find things to do and redo in the stock room, keep himself busy without actually doing anything. It'll be a welcome distraction at this point, despite how vehemently he doesn't actually feel like dealing with customers, coworkers, hell, he'd even probably dodge Teddie because Yosuke just genuinely can't today. (And on the chance he spots one of his friends walking into whatever area he happens to be in, well... then he'll just have to find something to hide behind and stay there until they go away.)

He's almost to his goal when the universe decides he's not done suffering quite yet. There, coming around the corner, Nanako perched happily on his shoulders, is Souji.

Yosuke stops dead in his track, so abruptly that it's only by some tiny speck of luck that he doesn't fall face-first onto the pavement and break his nose. Panic erupts in his blood like he's been doused in gasoline and set on fire and suddenly his lungs are collapsing in his chest. He doesn't know how he manages to do it, but he dives to the side into an alleyway and tears out the other end as if his life depends on it.

Souji can't see him, Souji can't know he's there, because Yukiko and Chie both talk to Souji and Yosuke hasn't even managed to deal with all the stuff that's already happened this week, hasn't dealt with this morning even! So if Yukiko and Chie talk to Souji and tell Souji about all the horrible shit that's Yosuke's been doing...

Yosuke is doomed. Yosuke will absolutely be doomed. He hasn't spoken to Souji in days and he can't let their next interaction be Souji looking at him with disappointment, with anger, with disgust.

Yosuke runs through back streets and down alleyways until his legs betray him and he collapses against a wall just outside the Shiroku Store. He wasn't even aware he'd managed to book it that far – no wonder his chest feels like it's about to explode. He waits until he can manage to catch his breath, leaning into the bricks so he doesn't sink to the ground. When he thinks he can move again, (ten minutes, twenty minutes, half an hour later, he has no idea how long he's there,) he pulls himself around the corner and looks first to the left, up towards Junes, and then to the right down the shopping district. No Souji. Good. Hopefully the other boy is still up shopping with his sister and will be for a good long while, (especially if Teddie has anything to say about it.) Tentatively confident that he's not about to be ambushed by his former partner, Yosuke slips shakily out onto the sidewalk.

First thing's first, he shoves his hand into his pocket and digs around until he finds every bit of loose change he's got and shoves it gracelessly into the receiver of the vending machine. He hits a random button, doesn't even care what he gets so long as it's liquid and cold. He chugs the can without even tasting anything and he stifles a wince as the drink hits his burning throat, before the raspy dry feeling finally goes away. He tosses the can away in the nearby trashcan and slinks back into the alley to hide while he calls his dad and tells him he can't make it in for his shift.

(Chie texts him again because of course she does. He doesn't even look at it this time; he just fires off a quick, “@ work can't talk” and puts his phone on airplane mode.)

---

Yosuke makes a quick stop inside Shiroku Store before chancing the trip back home. He grabs a couple of instant ramens for himself, knowing full well no one will be home for a while to make dinner and that his own appetite is questionable after his stomach has been tied up in knots for so long. It'll also give him an excuse not to have to sneak back downstairs later and risk running into his parents. Again, not a conversational minefield he's willing to navigate right now. (He also grabs a pack of mochi to placate his little brother when Teddie inevitably whines about Yosuke not coming in to work.) Once he's out he heads straight home – straight, because the sun has started going down and it's freezing outside, so he feels confident enough in the low temperature to take the gamble on none of his friends being out where he can stumble into them.

He makes it to his house without incident, makes it inside and up to his room, even manages to take a bath without a fuss since Teddie isn't home yet to knock insistently on the bathroom door. For now, he's safe. But even knowing he's at home, alone, with his phone far away from him in the other room, Yosuke finds that he still can't relax. He soaks in the warm water, (he'd washed as quickly as fucking possible because even days later the shower makes his stomach squirm,) and tries to will the anxiety to bleed out through his pores. It doesn't.

Something is keeping his shoulders tense, his nerves frayed and spiked. Even when he gets out of the bathtub after Teddie comes bounding into the house, loud even from downstairs, Yosuke feels like he could jog all the way back to school and have energy left over.

He gives Teddie the mochi, which effectively shuts up any line of questioning that might have been incoming, and Teddie babbles excitedly as he eats. He tells Yosuke all about how “Sensei and Nana-chan” had come by to do some grocery shopping, how he and Nanako had run off to find the groceries together while Souji had wandered off. How they'd found him later after they were all done, around the side of the building, crouched low to pet the stray cats. Yosuke listens to all of this with far more attentiveness than normal; he only breathes once Ted is finished and there has been no mention made of Yosuke whatsoever.

It's... weirdly easier to relax his body after that, though understandably not his mind. His little brother is a small sliver of something normal, oblivious and innocent and forever just happy to be there. It lets Yosuke pretend that nothing bad is waiting for him just outside the house's front door.

Normally he'd play a few rounds of a video game with his brother until one of them felt tired enough to go to bed; tonight, though, Yosuke can't keep his attention on the game, and so gives up after only two failed races. He moves to sit on the bed and picks half-heartedly at his cold instant ramen, only partially watching as Ted plays against the game's AI until the bear starts getting bored. Teddie decides that they're going to have a movie night together after that, and Yosuke lets the blond boy put in some brightly-colored Ghibli thing for them to watch. Yosuke inevitably zones out.

It isn't until the credits end and the dvd menu comes back with a loop of the movie's main theme that he finally looks up, blinking at the red numbers on his alarm clock that read far later into the night than he'd thought, and then down to find his brother passed out cold on the floor. Yosuke sighs and gets up, throwing his unfinished noodles away before awkwardly – albeit carefully – dragging Teddie's slumbering form over to the closet and plopping him onto his futon.

It's as Yosuke is getting ready to turn off the light that he sees Teddie's phone lying on the carpet.

He doesn't know why he thinks it, what makes him link the sight of his little brother's cell phone to the flicker of memory that bubbles up to the surface. He doesn't know where the idea comes from. But he has it.

Rise had taken pictures of everyone and everything at the pageant. Rise had taken pictures of Souji.

Teddie had been begging Rise to send the pictures to his phone.

Yosuke has no idea whether or not Rise had ever actually did, but with how proud of herself she'd been for taking them, he'd bet money on there now being a whole folder of pageant photos residing in the bear boy's phone.

I shouldn't, he thinks, and not just because it'd be incredibly invasive to go poking around in his brother's phone –  if he does, and he finds what he's looking for, then what? He knows neither the girls nor Naoto took any photos of the second pageant, but despite what he let Yukiko believe (and what he's been trying to convince himself of for days,) Yosuke doesn't need those; he'd snapped a few of his own when the event was happening. There aren't many - he'd been a bit preoccupied worrying over Souji's disappearance at the time, and he'd purposefully avoided taking any pictures of Naoto because they'd looked so miserable that it felt almost cruel, but he has some. (And thinking about it now, he realizes he hasn't so much as opened the photo gallery on his phone even once to look at any of them since he took them.)

So no, it's not photos of the beauty pageant he's looking for.

Slowly, as if terrified Teddie will somehow wake up and throw open the closet door to catch Yosuke in the act, he reaches down and picks his brother's phone up off the ground. He's just picking it up, he tells himself; he's just getting it off the floor so no one steps on it. He's doing Ted a favor. He's not going to look, he's not.

(Liar.)

It's not hard to get into Ted's phone – the bear doesn't have any sort of lock on the screen – and because it's a cheap Junes model, Yosuke already knows exactly how to work it. It takes him less than half a minute to find Rise's nickname in the text logs and pull up their last conversation.

There, staring up at him, is the bottom part of a photo, with what looks like the stage in the school auditorium.

Yosuke immediately feels his palms start to sweat. He crosses the room in two quick, silent strides over to the light switch, turning it off with fumbling fingers and plunging the room into darkness save for the faint glow of his alarm clock and the glare from the phone in his hand. He pads back over to the outline of his bed and throws the covers back, then climbs in, throws the blankets over his head like a child avoiding bedtime, and curls up into a ball on his side with his prize held tight in his nervous hands.

His stomach swoops as he holds his thumb over the up button, ready to scroll past Ted's enthusiastic words of thanks to Rise and see--- but hesitates.

He could stop right now, he thinks; it would be so easy just to shut the phone off, put it on the charger, go to sleep. He could roll over with his face in the pillow and pretend none of this happened. It would be so easy.

Okay, he thinks, momentarily closing the phone. Okay. Okay...

This isn't creepy, it's not; he's just... making sure. Right. Yes. That's all. The dreams started after Yosuke had seen Souji dressed up as a girl – after Yosuke had thought things about Souji dressed as a girl. That had to be the reason, right? He couldn't be gay if he was only attracted to his best friend when Souji was in a skirt, when he looked a little too convincing as a chick. That's where the wires had gotten crossed in Yosuke's head, when his teenage hormones had been confused at the sight of his already-pretty partner making an even-prettier lady. That's all it was, it had to be, and Yosuke was holding the proof, the means to his mental salvation, in his hands. All he had to do was look.

Yosuke closes his eyes and takes a second to brace himself, scared for reasons he doesn't particularly want to explore. He pulls in a deep, unsteady breath. Another. A third. On the final exhale, he opens his eyes and taps a key to wake the screen back up. He stares at the bottom of the photo for just a few moments more and then finally sucks in one more breath, pressing the 'up' as his lungs fill to the brim.

The first few pictures aren't what he needs: a crowded group shot, Teddie flouncing around the stage, Kanji looking ready to break an ankle in his ill-fitting heels, Yosuke hating everything while holding the mic. He keeps scrolling up, growing irritated and more anxious with every photo revealed not to be the one he wants. Eventually he just holds the button down and lets everything scroll by until all the images start to blur together; it's because of this that he very nearly misses a flash of grey and silver as the photo streaks by.

Yosuke immediately takes his thumb off the 'up' and jabs at the 'down' until the picture comes back into view. There, bathed in the harsh spotlight of center stage, stands Souji, expression tightly neutral and face pale. It sucks the breath from Yosuke's lungs.

This. This is what Yosuke has been trying so desperately to find, simultaneously to avoid. It feels wrong, somehow, like an invasion of more than just Teddie's privacy, but the whole school had seen Souji in a skirt so it's not like it's a secret that anyone's trying to keep. Still, as Yosuke stares at the familiar shape of his partner's face, his hips, his hands, Yosuke feels, not the wave of relief he'd been expecting, but sour. He can't even put his finger on it, why his face seems to curl up in frustration without him even consciously bidding it to; Souji's body is just as lean and graceful as he remembers it looking, with the long silver wig framing his face and softening his features and the line of the skirt hugging his waist to give him just the faintest of hourglass figures. It should be beautiful, in a way it is, but the more that Yosuke stares at the photo the less and less attracted he finds himself being.

This isn't right.

(Oh, but isn't it?)

Yosuke scrolls up to look for another photo, finding a better one, a closer one, on the very next try. This time the camera is zoomed in, giving Yosuke a much clearer view of Souji from the waist up. Whatever bra the girls had stuffed him into makes his chest look natural, a petite curve to his body that fits stunningly along with the slender way his figure normally seems to taper slightly at his waist. Objectively, Souji looks great, hot, even in the pageant clothes he'd been forced to wear; Yosuke had thought as much when seeing his partner in person on that nightmare of a day. He squints at the phone in his hands and tries to recall just what specifically he'd found attractive when he'd been staring at Souji backstage in the dim, shitty lighting. His hips, definitely – he remembers thinking how perfect they would be for him to rest his hands on. Souji's waist, his chest, yes, but also his hands. Yosuke remembers how ethereal Souji had looked, too, with his eyes and the wig (an uncannily perfect match for Souji's actual hair color,) shining dull silver in the dark. The curve of his jaw, the hint of skin just above his collar bones, the line of his thighs barely there below the straightness of the skirt.

Looking at the photo now, Yosuke can see all the the things that he found so alluring before – and feels, strangely, next to nothing.

He can't understand it, why is he not swooning over the image of his best friend making the most amazingly convincing girl Yosuke has ever had filthy dreams about? (Something turns over in his mind, and suddenly, sickeningly, Yosuke feels like he's on the highest peak of a roller coaster, staring down at the hundred-foot drop below him just as the cart begins to move.)

The sex dreams hadn't featured a skirt.

They hadn't featured long hair or perky boobs.

In his dreams, Souji had just been... Souji. A flat, smooth chest, all toned muscle and softly masculine edges. The silver had been shorter, the cheekbones sharper, all of it had been Souji as he always is – a guy. No matter how gorgeous Yosuke thinks (or thought) Souji looked in his pageant outfit, the blinding fact remains that the boy in his dreams had stayed a boy.

Slowly, stomach twisting into nausea, Yosuke reaches out from the safety of his blanket shield and picks his own phone up off the night stand beside the bed. Like some kind of gremlin, he snatches his hand – phone and all – back into the darkness beneath the covers, clutching it to him with fingers so clammy it threatens to hinder his grip. His heart flutters in his chest, hard enough that he can feel his own pulse; he swallows and his throat is dry. Trembling, Yosuke holds a phone in each hand, holds them up next to one another. He opens his, and fumbles his way to his photo gallery, clicking through until he comes to a picture of himself and Souji, standing close and smiling as Yosuke snaps the selfie.

Oh god.

It's all still there. The photo is, again, a waist-up shot, but even still Yosuke can see the gentle line of Souji's jaw, the hint of his collarbones just past the open top button of his shirt, the long, delicate fingers on strong and calloused hands. Souji's hair is shorter, of course, and doesn't frame his face the way the wig did, so his cheekbones are more visible, his chin slightly sharper, but his eyes. Souji's eyes are still that same summer-storm hue, round and kind, and full of far more life than any of the photos of him in pageant garb. Pageant Souji looks like a marionette; real Souji looks like rainclouds incarnate.

Yosuke's gaze travels down to the very bottom of the picture, where the image cuts off right below Souji's belt buckle, leaving the dip of his waist, the jut of the top of his hip, all still visible. He's wearing his uniform shirt and jacket, but even with the layers of straight-cut clothing Yosuke can see that same faint, curving line of his partner's body that almost looks like the start of an hourglass. Yosuke can't see the other boy's thighs in this one, but the line of Souji's hip fills outward slightly, instead of carving a path straight down like Yosuke is so used to seeing on most other guys – himself included.  Souji, for all that he's built like an athlete, is only sharp in certain places, soft in others; a graceful blade of curving steel, handle wrapped in velvety leather.

Yosuke tears his eyes away from the photo of him and Souji together and back over to the one of Souji at the pageant. The features are the same but different, radiant in one and hollow in the other – both have the same shape, the same color, the same lines and vivid angles. But even without the false femininity, Souji is still gorgeous. Souji is still ethereal. And Yosuke can feel that swooping in his stomach turn to something warm.

A terrible realization comes dawning over Yosuke's mind like a cold and wretched sun. The people in the photos – excluding Yosuke – though differing in dress, are the same. The things that Yosuke had noticed on the day of the pageant, when he'd stared and stared and stared at his friend like Souji was the most beautiful ghost he'd ever seen, every single one of them was still there. Even without the wig and the makeup and the clothing meant for women, every tiny detail that Yosuke had poured over was unmistakably present; they'd all been there the entire time, never not.  

Which means that Yosuke just hadn't noticed them until he'd stopped and stared. And stared. And stared.

Oh my fucking god.

---

There is a certain kind of quiet mania that comes from not having slept at all; a distant sort of grinding at the threads keeping a person from breaking down, from cracking like a gunshot. It's a mental time bomb, one that can lead to either exhaustion and collapse, or the utter shattering of all rational behavior and thought.

Yosuke sits on the living room couch, already fully dressed for school, watching the sun come up through the window as his body and mind are eerily calm. That internal timer is already running low.

He hasn't slept. After his brain-breaking revelation the night before, Yosuke had lain there, pulling out every memory he had of Souji and turning it over and over in his mind. Each interaction, each time he'd thrown his arm casually across the other boy's shoulders, the way it felt when they sat close enough that Souji's body heat warmed his side. So many times Yosuke had felt his breath hitch, his heart beat just a little bit quicker, but every time he just brushed it off. Adrenaline from talking over the murder case, the heat in the summer air, his now-absent crush on Rise kicking in when she did anything cute. (Because he'd noticed that, too; that his cheeks no longer flushed while thinking about her – not since she went from The Idol Risette to his friend Rise.)

Memory by memory, it felt like Yosuke's self-dug grave had gotten that much deeper, and as he pulled on that first thread of realization, more and more had come. Like untangling a spider web piece by fragile piece. It had left his brain in a jumble, keeping him awake for hours until he'd just given up on sleep altogether.

He hadn't been restless, per se, but there had been enough static in his head that it had eventually threatened to spill out into the dark of the bedroom, and, resigned to being awake forever, Yosuke had peeled back the covers and crawled silently out of bed. Grabbing his wrinkled uniform from the day before and slipping it on, he'd gone to grab his toothbrush and a comb out of the bathroom (fervently not looking at either the mirror or the shower,) and headed downstairs to use the bathroom there instead. Slowly, with all the time in the world, he finished getting ready for school on autopilot, even bothering to make – and eat – a bowl of cereal. From an outside perspective he might have looked relatively normal; internally, however, there was nothing but empty, dissociated quiet. Still waters, deceptive with their glassy surface, poised and ready to drop into the churning rapids below.

Yosuke checks the time on his phone, still on airplane mode.

He stands from the couch without a sound, collects his coat and school bag, and slips out the door into the frigid November morning.

(His reflection in the entryway mirror turns to watch him as he leaves.)

---

He cuts through the back way to school again, though this time he doesn't drag his feet; instead, he stalks down the side streets with his hands shoved in his coat pockets and his shoulders hunched. The lack of sleep and the cold feeling now lingering just at the base of his skull both serve to sharpen the knife's edge of emotional instability he's currently teetering on. He feels... nothing. And everything. All at once. He feels like he could run full-throttle straight at somebody and deck them square in the jaw; he also feels like he could break into hysterical laughter at any moment, or maybe tears. It's hard to regulate what's going on in his everything, because his head is both empty and far too full from all the thinking he'd done the night before, but it's also quiet, which is never a good sign. Normally his brain is too loud, but today...

Today is different.

Today is bad.

If he had to try and put words to it, Yosuke would have probably described his mood (if only to himself) as fragile. It's like the wall of ice that had been blocking him from his thoughts and emotions before has turned to tiny, thin splinters. Sharp and cold and so delicate that one wrong move will shatter them – but they'll also slice everything in their path to ribbons.

The slow, methodical trudge to Yasogami High actually takes far less time than he means for it to, leaving him ample time to loiter unseen around the side of the gate, just out of view of any students passing through it. Somehow, (and he's not sure just which god to thank for this,) he hasn't seen Souji yet, either in flashes on the way as Yosuke ducked away from the normal path, or up already near the entrance. It means that Souji is either already inside or he's still en route. (And Yosuke hopes it's the former, because he's not sure just how well that wafer-thin pane of frost is going to hold. Or, for how long.)

It's just his luck, then, that he catches a glimpse of starlight silver and bleached blond coming up the crest of the hill. Yosuke digs his teeth so hard into his cheeks he can taste the coppery tang of splitting skin – Souji and Kanji are walking together. Again.

So easily replaced.

Yosuke bites viciously into the flesh inside mouth and turns to stalk into the school before either of the other boys – so close together they almost touch – can see him.

---

“Hanamura!”

Yosuke twitches, jerked from the ominous quiet inside his own achingly-empty head. Turning, (slowly, stiffly, with the faintest spark of mania waiting to be fueled,) he turns to see the bearer of the voice that had shouted at him from the stairwell behind. Chie stands on the second floor landing with her hands on her hips, glaring up at him with a look so cold it could rival her Bufu. Yukiko appears just two steps below and finishes the climb to stop beside her, a stern expression locked on her face as if made of iron resolve. Neither one of them looks to be in a forgiving mood.

Yosuke wants to just turn back around and ignore them, wants to say 'fuck it,' and just throw away what's left of his friendships so he can go back to the blissful emptiness of rock-fucking-bottom. It'd be easier that way, and he has neither the time nor the energy to even begin to untangle the knot of mistakes he's made this week.

But the looks on his friends' faces (Chie, especially,) tell him they aren't going to let this go, even for now, so, begrudgingly, Yosuke stands and waits for one of them to speak. They don't disappoint.

Chie, upon seeing him pause, marches up to him with Yukiko hot on her heels and together the pair of them back him up until he's nearly hit the wall. “Alright, you dick, we need to talk.” From around her, Yukiko steps into position and stays at Chie's side, looking for all the world like a disappointed mother as she silently lets Chie do the talking.

Somehow, Yosuke finds his voice. Somehow, despite that momentary fight-or-flight-or freeze instinct when the girls had stormed towards him, Yosuke is calm. (It isn't the normal kind, either, it's the kind of calm that can only be found when someone has reached the threshold of just how much adrenaline their body can handle and they loop back around to apathy.) “Can it wait till we don't have class?” he asks, and the voice that leaves him is so devoid of life and emotion that it actually makes Chie balk. She and Yukiko share a disquieted look, like they aren't sure whether to be startled or mad and Yosuke takes their moment of distraction to try and slip to the side where there's still space to move away.

This snaps the pair out of their hesitation. Chie blocks his path with an outstretched arm, open palm smacking the wall hard enough – though not violently, to his mild surprise – to make a soft 'thwap.' Yukiko, still silent, moves to block Yosuke's remaining escape route on the other side.

“No,” Chie hisses, “it can't. Because the moment we let you out of our sight you're just going to run off into nowhere and go back to avoiding everyone, just like you've been doing for days. We're tired of it, Yosuke.”

Yukiko nods. “I know we're not as close as you and Souji-kun, but you're our friend, too, and this behavior needs to stop.” She strengthens her stance - and it is frightening.

Yosuke can't meet either of their eyes. “...I don't know what you're talking about.”

Chie makes a sound low in her throat. “Like hell you don't; you've been totally MIA with barely a word to anyone, you've been acting shady as hell whenever someone tries to talk to you, and on top of that you've been straight up avoiding Souji – which is insane, considering you two're normally joined at the freaking hip!”

Yosuke must be doing something with his face, because Chie squints at him and says, “Yeeaaaah, don't think we haven't noticed.”

Something sniggers inside Yosuke's head and it makes his vision pulse a faint, sickly yellow. His lip curls in a barely-there sneer. “Look,” he says, a little more life in his words this time. He smacks at Chie's arm with the back of his hand. “It's nothing, will you get off my back? I'm just having a bad week.”

“Bullshit,” Chie growls in response.

From the corner of his eye, Yosuke can see Yukiko take in a long, carefully-controlled breath, as if she's silently counting down from ten to keep herself collected. “This is more than just a 'bad week,' Yosuke-kun,” she says, and the evenness of her tone belies the fire he knows she can conjure during battle. “You've been rude, crass, evasive, and downright belligerent...”

(Yosuke isn't sure he knows what all those words mean but he's pretty sure she's right on every one.)

“Even on your worst days you've never been this bad.”

Yosuke is so, so tired. He's tired of feeling like he's being buffeted by the wind that's supposed to be on his side, unable to find his footing and ready to fall at any given moment. He's tired of the wildly swinging pendulum of his emotions sending him back and forth from feeling everything to feeling nothing. (And deeper, deeper down, he's tired of people leaving him behind, even more so of driving people away; it's a skill he's never asked for but has somehow mastered nonetheless.)

He doesn't answer Yukiko's spot-on accusations. He doesn't answer Chie's too-observant glower. He doesn't look at either of them, he instead stares off to the side, unseeing, just past the arm that blocks his escape.

Chie lets out another sound of frustration and leans further into his space, craning her neck to somehow stare him down despite their height difference. “Well?” she demands, “Anything you wanna say?”

Yosuke takes a long, deep breath through his nose, letting it out so slowly that the yellow creeping into the edges of his eyes dots with black. With the exhale, he feels the last of his energy – physical, emotional, mental – drain away. It hollows him out with each passing second, until he's nothing more than a husk resigned to his fate of forever being the King of Fucking Up; he's already pushed everything this far towards the edge, he might as well take that last step over.

“...Yeah, actually,” he says, and it's a lifeless drawl, almost entirely devoid of anything. (He sees Yukiko stiffen and Chie flinch in his peripherals.) Exhausted, he lolls his head forward and finally turns his eyes to Chie's face, fixing them just above her eyebrows because he can't focus them any lower. False eye contact, something he's picked up in his time working at Junes.

He takes another deep breath, feeling that disconnecting wall of ice closing over his heart, and says, “You should probably lay off the meat, Chie, cuz you're not doing your thick thighs any favors.”

Yukiko gasps.

Beside her, Chie looks stunned, jaw dropped and mouth open like it's trying to form words her head can't find.

(Yosuke tastes bile in the back of his throat.)

Disgusted with himself and just wanting to not be here, Yosuke tries to use the girls' frozen reactions to his advantage. He isn't sure he can move or duck under Chie's arm, so he makes a break for it the opposite direction and attempts to slide past Yukiko – only for her to snap back to attention just as he's almost free.

“Yo--!”

But Yosuke is too far gone. Instead of letting himself be forced back against the wall, he doubles down, gives in to the fatalistic inevitability that he's going to be losing more than just Souji at this point. (Good, he thinks sadly; I don't deserve any of them, anyway.)

Swerving, scraping the wall with his shoulder to try and get as much space between himself and Yukiko as he can, Yosuke reaches out a hand (desperately hoping he misses,) and makes a pinching gesture at her skirt, causing her to jerk back and away. “See? Here's a perfect set right he--”

His face erupts in red-hot pain.

Yosuke staggers backwards, hitting the back of his head against the cold concrete of the wall with an audible 'thump.' Thoroughly bewildered, he blinks over at the space he had just been and sees Yukiko, hand raised, stance wide, and completely, utterly livid.

Oh, he thinks, slowly reaching up to touch his scalded cheek. I've been slapped.

“You!” Chie snaps, just as Yukiko whispers, “How dare you,” in the most bone-chillingly quiet voice he's ever heard.

He... may have gone too far this time.

Chie stalks forward, so close he has to shallow his breathing to keep his chest from touching hers when he inhales. She turns her face up at him and for a moment, through the exhaustion and the resignation and the apathy, he truly believes her to be capable of tearing his throat out with her bare hands.

It's almost impressive.  

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she snarls, “You've been acting like a jackass all week!”

Yosuke focuses on Chie's cheekbones as best he can with her so close; he practically has to go crosseyed to do so, even without meeting her murderous glare. It's strange, how he's aware that his cheek is in pain, (and rightfully so, he deserved that slap,) just as he's aware that on any other day before this week he'd be terrified for his safety in a situation like this. He remembers just how hard Chie can kick, having felt it firsthand in delicate places. But his energy is spent at this point, and all the awareness in the world can't conjure up the ability to be anything other than drained.

So he doesn't react, just looks back at his (probably former) friend and huffs, “Chill out, Chie, it was just a joke.”

Both girls visibly tense, shoulders squared and backs straight. Yukiko brings her hand up like she's going to slap him again, rearing it back as she hisses, “It wasn't funny!”

Chie, simultaneously, bares her teeth in vicious rage. “Like hell it was!” she barks, her own voice layering over Yukiko's outburst.

Yosuke just lolls his head to the side slightly and focuses on empty air. “Yeah, well,” he drawls, unable to find the right emotion to put into his voice. “You're girls, of course you wouldn't get it; it's guy humor.”

Chie leans impossibly closer. “You think you're such hot shit,” she seethes, and her tone has gone icy, blisteringly cold. She jabs a finger into his chest hard enough for him to feel it bruise. “We put up with your nasty 'jokes' and your weird staring because you're our friend, but there's a limit, Hanamura!” Her lips curl, the finger digging into his sternum like a silent threat. “And you're freaking pushing it.”

Yukiko leans in as well, her hand still raised and ready, a bow string held taut. “Girls don't like it when you say things like that,” she says, so dark and even that it raises the hairs on the back of Yosuke's neck – but even though his body physically, instinctively reacts, the hollow pit in his chest where the ice now sits keeps his heart and mind numb. He doesn't look at her as she says, “If your brand of humor makes other people uncomfortable, then it isn't really humor at all, it's gross.”

There are people starting to collect around them; Yosuke can see them moving closer just past the haze of his unfocused vision. He can't tell if he cares of not, doesn't think he does anymore. Everything Chie and Yukiko are saying is too right, too justified for him to fight back or defend himself. I deserve this, he thinks, hears his own voice echoing like there's another nearly identical one layering beneath it.

A few other students, faces unrecognizable, gather just a bit too close to the direction he's been staring in. He doesn't feel like letting them think he's acknowledged them, so he rolls his head lazily back so he can pretend to face to the two girls in front of him. He's just going back to fixing his eyes on Yukiko's shoulder when a swath of silver catches in his vision – just barely, just enough to make him look up before he can consciously think about it. He refocuses, and feels his heart come to a painful halt inside his ribs.

Souji is standing there, looking at Yosuke as if he's never seen him before. His eyes are wide and confused, thin brows pulled so low that they're actually visible below his hair; his lips are slightly parted as if he's been caught mid-gasp.

Yosuke stares back at him for a long, panicked moment. A slow, frigid kind of adrenaline begins to seep into this veins, making his hands and knees shake even though he can't feel it. It kick-starts his heart back to life and suddenly it's pounding as he looks into Souji's eyes for the first time in he can't even remember how long, seeing no trace of recognition in the other boy's face. Only pain. Only confusion and betrayal. Souji looks at him like Yosuke is a stranger now, gaze boring into his own like he's looking for someone familiar but just can't find them, can't figure out who Yosuke is.

He saw, the voice that had layered his own whispers, hissing though laughing, jagged glee.

Souji saw.

The floor drops out from under Yosuke's feet and he switches to autopilot to keep from falling, somehow managing to stay upright through sheer force of unconscious will. Chie and Yukiko must notice the change, because he can peripherally see them pause, turning their heads to see what he's looking at. It's enough.

Moving feels like he's underwater, drowning, but Yosuke sees his chance and snatches at it with trembling fingers; as the girls are distracted by Souji, Yosuke pushes himself sideways along the wall until he's no longer pinned by Chie's proximity. Once there's space to do so, he shoves his way forward, sticking out an arm and breaking through the line that Yukiko and Chie's bodies have made. They part in their shock, and he's able to slip between them at last.

“Whatever,” he hears himself say. A verbal barrier, a wall to keep them all at bay while he books it to something resembling safety. He reaches up and palms the headphones resting around his neck. “You guys throw your hissy fit, I'm goin' to class.” He tugs the headphones up as he takes a couple long, quick strides out of their stationary reach, shoving them over his ears without actually turning on any music – using the comforting weight at the sides of his head as a shield. If they try and call out after him, he can just pretend he can't hear them and keep walking.

He makes it all the way to the classroom without being caught; he doesn't dare look at Yukiko, Chie, or Souji (especially not Souji,) as the three of them enter the room. Yukiko first, then the others, and Yosuke busies himself with his school bag until the sound of the door opening signals the arrival of the teacher and the start of class just moments later.

Yosuke keeps his head ducked down the entire morning, just in case of the the girls decides to risk a glance back in his direction. He can't tell with his eyes glued to his desk, but he thinks that none of them do.

(He doesn't know whether he should be relieved or not.)

---

Yosuke is up and moving almost before the lunch bell even rings. Like he's done for the past week, he grabs his stuff and hightails it out the back of the room, pointedly not looking and any of the friends he's managed to alienate in only a handful of days. Headphones snug over his ears and player in his hand, he takes the steps up to the third floor, then the roof, two at a time. It's only once he's up in the cold air and alone that he feels like he can breathe.

Picking a spot as far away from the door as possible, Yosuke drops to the ground and leans his back against the frigid metal links of the fence, barely even feeling the chill through his clothes. The breath he's finally caught starts to pick up – only for a moment – and he has to bring his knees up to the his chest, hands over his eyes and fingers twisting in his hair as he ducks his head and pulls in lungful after lungful of air. It passes just as quickly as it came.

What do I do now?

Despite the hollow feeling encompassing his heart, Yosuke still feels the twinge of anxiety that had brought about the thirty-second panic attack; it sticks to his blood cells, causing his palms to sweat and go clammy in the nippy November breeze. He brings them to his mouth and cups them over his lips, breathing into them to try and warm them back up. It doesn't work.

He sighs and drops his hands back into his lap, tucking them between the bend of his knees. He didn't bother bringing lunch with him again today, though between the rare breakfast that morning and the churning in his stomach he isn't so sure he'd be able to eat anything anyway. Still, even a snack would have provided him something to do with his hands, and so Yosuke is left with nothing but his music and his surroundings to occupy his time. He frowns – being alone with his thoughts recently has been anything but good, and today having gone the way that it has so far, he can feel the incoming uphill battle against his brain. He cranks the volume up on his player in hopes of drowning it all out before it begins, but turns the whole thing off and tugs the headphones from his ears a minute or so later, not wanting to associate any of his favorite songs with the maelstrom already brewing inside his mind.

It starts with a replay. Every single thing he'd said and done that morning in the hallway with Chie and Yukiko. It twists at his gut with each image, each remembered word he'd vomited out like a bio-weapon; he barely recognizes himself in his own memories, and honestly that is the part that scares him the most. No wonder Souji had looked at him that way.

And oh, if that hadn't been the worst part of it all. Yukiko and Chie he already hated himself for, already felt sick over how he'd treated them both since even before this all began, starting with the festival. He wishes he could go back in time and stop himself from ever putting their names down – all of them – because not only was it just a shitty, immature thing to do, but it also violated their trust. He sees that now, and it feels like a hammer to the head, because with everything that he's turned into in the days since, he knows it all started with that one first terrible decision. Most of the low points in his life have started with terrible decisions, he just hadn't been aware enough to put the pieces together until now. Had things been different, Yosuke wonders if Souji would have been proud of him.

That, however, is the thing that brings Yosuke's already-simmering self hatred to a rolling boil. Of all the people he's hurt so far, Souji is the one that makes Yosuke feel like he's beyond all hope of redemption. Souji had been his partner, his best friend, and Yosuke, stupid, stupid Yosuke had taken that bond and thrown it right in the garbage. They were supposed to be equals, but Yosuke had been too busy sinking into his own head, too mired in self pity and selfishly wanting things to go back to a normal that likely didn't even exist anymore. Not after all of this. For all the maturing Yosuke feels he may have done – the only silver lining in the storm that he himself created – focusing only on his own hurt and blaming Souji for it is by far the most childish thing he's done.

(Inside his skull, stretched out as though sliding into Yosuke's skin like a glove, he can almost feel something like a head being tilted, an eyebrow raised. There is a quiet, contemplative, 'hmmm,' as if his mind is thinking thoughts without him. He doesn't know how to interpret the sensation, so he tucks it away on the back burner for now.)

Somewhere past the door leading back into the school, Yosuke faintly hears the warning bell sounding, signaling the end of lunch and the resumption of classes for the day.

Yosuke doesn't move.

He sits there and leans his head back against the fence in utter exhaustion; he doesn't have the energy or will power to get up and go back inside. He doesn't want to feel the others' eyes on him when he walks in the door, or, equally painful, being entirely unacknowledged instead. Having done the same to Souji for days,Yosuke will admit his hypocrisy in that he doesn't know if he'd survive having his former partner do the same to him - even if Souji had scared the shit out of him, neglected to communicate with him, left him to wonder and worry and want after the pageant.

Then again, some part of Yosuke quietly relents, Souji... really isn't obligated to tell Yosuke anything. And while their leader should have at least been courteous enough to let someone know he was still alive, he'd eventually told Naoto. Which had hurt Yosuke – pretty badly, in fact – to not be the one Souji had talked to first, but at least he'd talked to someone. (Even though Yosuke is still adamantly sure the “food poisoning” excuse had been complete bullshit.) But... it wouldn't be fair to expect Souji to never have secrets; after all, Yosuke still has secrets of his own, even after confronting his shadow.

Some are just far, far more shameful than others.

Thoughts swirling, Yosuke can feel a headache beginning to build behind his eyes. He keeps going around and around; he's mad at Souji, he's not mad at Souji, he's mad at himself, he's not mad at himself for being hurt – on and on and on. It's a loop that doesn't seem to have an end, and it's making Yosuke dizzy.

He sighs again, and there's an echoing sigh inside his skull, albeit one that sounds far more frustrated than his own audible one. He's too tired to suss it out, though, and because all this thinking is starting to spiral, he digs his player back out and tries one more time to drown out the thoughts with music. He's relived when his attention stays on the lyrics and doesn't go careening off again; he closes his eyes and lets himself go blank for a little while, almost-but-not-quite dozing, tucked away in his little patch of rooftop in the brisk November air.

Sometime later – he doesn't know how long – Yosuke is pulled from his trance by the sound of a far-off school bell. His player apparently ran out of battery long ago, because the screen is dark and his headphones silent. Yosuke feels like shit.

He's chilly to the point where his skin doesn't really have much feeling anymore; his neck is stiff from the cold and the position it'd been kept in while he was out of it. His ears ache a little, too, and it's probably more from the headphones than the weather. Groaning, Yosuke sits up and peels the headphones off, setting them in his lap and rolling his neck to try and get his full range of motion back. He feels something pop. With another groan, he makes it slowly to his feet and stretches, every muscle in his body protesting as he does.

Fully aware that he hadn't gone back in after lunch, Yosuke has absolutely no idea what time it could possibly be; judging by the position of the sun over the treetops, however, and the sound of the bell from earlier, he can guess that it's probably well into the afternoon. “Fuck,” he mutters to the empty rooftop. He's more than likely missed most of the rest of the school day, though if that's the case then he can't bring himself to care. There was nothing waiting for him back in the classroom anymore, anyway.

Reluctant still to make his way inside lest someone catch him, Yosuke takes his time gathering his bag, tucking his player away, setting his headphones carefully on top because, well, they aren't any use to him right now, are they? It's only once he's run out of stuff to do that he finally fishes his pone out of his pocket to check the time.

Weirdly enough, there are no new messages – which, he isn't surprised at but also is? If no one had wanted to talk to him after that morning, he would have understood. However, with as rightfully angry as they both had been, he would have expected there to be something from Chie at the very least – even if not from today, then something else from last night, surely. Curious and a little uneasy, Yosuke stares at his phone until the screen goes dark. Oh, he realizes finally; he'd forgotten he'd put it on airplane mode the night before.

(He'd wondered why his phone had been so blissfully, ominously quiet all night.)

He taps the keys lightly to get the screen to wake back up and goes to take it off airplane at last – only to hesitate just before pressing the button, thumb hovering as Yosuke chews on his lip. His gut curdles. Whether there are a slew of missed texts or none at all, Yosuke knows that whatever is waiting for him once he hits confirm isn't going to be good. He has to brace himself; he just isn't sure what for.

With a deep breath in and a quick breath out, Yosuke takes the plunge and hits the button, not looking at the screen as his thumb presses down. He doesn't want to see just yet. At first there is nothing – no belated notification sound, no vibrations, nothing. He thinks maybe he's safe for the moment, simultaneously unsettled by the lack of any apparent messages...

...Until his phone vibrates, just once, in his hand.

Yosuke's breathing sticks in his throat for half a breath, head instinctively tilting to look down at the notification that just jostled his anxiety. It isn't from Chie, which is not what he expected, nor is it from Yukiko, which also would not have surprised him. It isn't even from Teddie, whining that Yosuke had left without partaking in their new morning ritual of communal teeth-brushing. No, the sender, devastatingly, is Souji.

Prtnr: I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore.

Everything stops.

[anoutlandishfanfic]

Metamorphosis Chapter 25: In the Womb of the Earth.

*waves at all y’all collectively* I CAME BACK LIKE I SAID I WOULD!!!

So, I started this chapter way back in November/December (read: after the previous chapter posted) and then everything fell apart. My health took a nosedive (I’m having surgery day after tomorrow) and I was literally focused on getting thru the day and surviving work and my brain couldn’t function on the level I needed it to to write this chapter. Things have gotten a little better (soon to be a LOT better) and I managed to crank this one out!

Special thanks to @thefraserwitch for the constant stream of texts that inspired a whole heckuva lot and to @diversemediums for being the confirming POST IT voice that I seem to always need in my life. Y’all rock.

BUT ANYWAY HERES THE DEETS

The Premise: What if Claire had conceived on her wedding night to Jamie?

You can find the previous chapter here (Part One / Part Two) if you need to catch up (I wouldn’t blame you). You can also find the master list of the whole fic here on Tumblr or its also current on AO3.

___________________________________________

February 20th, 1744; The Abbey, Scotland.

“I’m fine,” I glared at Jamie and pointed to our chamber’s door for good measure, insisting, “Go.”

He made no move to do so, his auburn brows bunched together in concern instead as he observed, “Ye’re lookin’ a bit green aboot the gills, Sassenach.”

“I’m just tired,” I hedged.

It certainly wasn’t a lie.

We’d sail with the next morning’s tide and the knowledge had everyone on edge. No one had slept well the night before, nor had anyone high hopes of the day passing quickly. Time seemed to stretch on forever now that the end was in sight and my husband’s nervous presence — though well intended — was becoming insufferable.

“Can I help ye back into bed, a’ least?” he offered. “Do ye think you could sleep a wee bit?”

I contemplated this, then turned my gaze to my usual chair by the fire. It was a worn out sort — overstuffed to the point that it made reclining bliss — with a low footstool to accommodate my swollen ankles.

Did I want to lay down completely… or just sit a while?

A wave of bone-aching fatigue washed over me, but my brain rattled off all the things that still needed to be done before we left.

How many more linens would Brother Erastus let me turn into nappies?

Brother Nathaniel said he’d see to the food stores for the journey, but I wanted to inspect them yet today… so I’d have time to repack should I need to.

Come to that, were our things packed?

I winced, knowing I’d think of a dozen more things my weary mind had forgotten once I got started.

Maybe I would just sit a bit.

A decidedly Scottish noise broke into my thoughts as a warm hand slipped around mine, gently leading me towards the edge of the bed.

I opened my mouth to protest but stopped as he eased me onto the soft mattress, swinging my feet up and helping me roll onto my left side. I grabbed for all the available pillows — gleefully seizing Jamie’s — and was soon completely ensconced.

Bloody hell, this feels amazing.

I heard a rumble of laughter from above me and lifted my face for a kiss, Jamie happily obliging.

“Sleep well, my hen,” he crooned, his thumb gently stroking my cheek as his lips hovered just above mine.

I realized that I really must look something like a mother hen tucked up in her nest and a slow smile spread across my face as I kissed him again.

“I willna be gone long,” he assured me a moment later when we came up for air. “Jus’ to see Murtagh about the carriage, aye?”

“Take your time… I’m not going anywhere.”

…

Jerking awake to the sound of the door bouncing off the wall, I caught a rather undignified squeal of alarm just before it left my lips as I was yanked from a deep, numbing sleep and thrust unceremoniously into the land of the living.

I lifted my head from the pillow and discovered I was no longer alone in the room, but now in the middle of a veritable bear pit. Loud, male declarations of Herself’s safe arrival and that there’d been nae trouble aboot the matter at all only muddied the waters as I blinked groggily, hastily looking for my husband amid the array of kilts and breeks.

“Aye, place it there,” came his voice, followed by a muffled thud as they did so, and I dropped my head back down onto the pillow.

He was here. He obviously had things — whatever the hell they may be — well in hand. If I were needed, he certainly knew where to find me.

My hand slid up between the sheets and I lifted it to my face, rubbing my heavy eyes as I tried to place what on earth they could be talking about. Why they couldn’t use proper nouns in this godforsaken country like any other civilized people was beyond me.

The movement accomplished nothing except to wake the rest of my body up, settling a dull, pulsating throb in the depths of my skull and my hip to aching with such a veracity that I could have sworn my fall in the Theive’s Hole had been yesterday, not four months ago.

“Jamie?” I called and the room fell instantly silent as they all quite suddenly remembered my presence.

My voice had sounded pitiful, even to my own ears, but I didn’t care. I needed him to explain what the hell was going on and get the rest of these men out of my room… and he’d better do it quick.

“Och, I’m sorry to be wakin’ ye, lass!” Willie’s voice was the first to profess from somewhere at the back of the crowd, “Tis only tha’ we thought ye’d be wantin’ to ken wha—“

But Jamie immediately pushed through the throng and succinctly cut him off, his face drawn with concern as he nearly threw himself onto the floor at the side of the bed. I reached for him and he bent over me, kissing my brow softly as he apologized profusely, “Christ, I’m sorry, lass!”

My abject confusion over the situation must have been evident, for he continued on without letting me speak.

“Lady Drummohr sends you her good wishes, mo nighean donn… She says she hopes she’ll see you at dinner but understands if you dinna feel up to it… Says she remembers bein’ this far wi’ her own bairns an’ wouldna blame ye if he didna leave yer chamber this evenin’... I’ll give her your thanks, aye?”

I shook my head, dismissing both the notion that I was so feeble that couldn't leave my room and the cancellation of the opportunity to see a real, bonafide mother in the flesh for the first time since arriving at the abbey ten weeks ago.

“What is that?” I scowled vaguely in Murtagh’s direction, where a good sized trunk lay at the man’s feet. He stood beside Jamie with the barest hint of a smile beneath his heavy beard and I knew something was up.

I may have a name to go with the who but I still hadn’t the foggiest idea of the what.

“Aye, tis from the Lady,” Jamie continued, his face brightening with excitement. “She said she didna ken how much you were able to take awa’ with you, so she brought some things you may be needin’ for yourself an’ the bairns.”

“Oh, Jamie…”

All of the air left my lungs in a mighty whoosh as everything came rushing back to me.

We would, indeed, be sailing to France, but first we would have to successfully make it aboard the ship.

There were at least half a dozen of His Majesty’s finest dragoons stationed in the village just outside the abbey and positioned at strategic points between here and the harbor. We would need to fool every single one of them… and Dougal had found a perfect cover for us in one Lady Margaret Grant of Drummohr. Hailing from Dalkeith, a good three days' ride away, she would not be recognized as anything other than a traveling woman of good repute.

I could then take her place with a nom de guerre of my choosing, with Jamie and Murtagh trading places with two of her footmen, and we’d safely ride to the harbor in our luxurious borrowed carriage. Should we be stopped leaving the abbey — and heaven forbid we would — I could explain in my blatantly British accent that I was sailing for Le Havre where I would be meeting my merchant marine husband.

But I hadn’t counted on Lady Margaret being generous above and beyond her arrangement with Dougal.

My free hand lifted to my lips, my fingers trembling as Jamie undid the latch and opened the trunk. He lifted out a small quilt and placed it on the coverlet before me, then froze as he spotted the fragile contents below.

“Oh God, Claire,” Jamie wheezed, immobile at the sight of four tiny baby gowns.

I reached out blindly through sudden tears, needing to touch the garments — to touch him — and was rewarded with both. His arms wrapped around me again, his head dipping into the curve of my neck as the tips of my fingers reverently traced the swirls of thistles and leaves around the neck of one gown.

“I don’t... I didn’t have any clothes for them,” I swallowed hard, trying to tramp down the feeling of complete and utter inadequacy, “Jamie, I barely have nappies for them to shit it, how the hell am I supposed to be a mother to them?!”

His head lifted and his blue eyes — so completely calm, damn him — focused on mine, one corner of his mouth lifting in a slight smile as he assured, “We’ll manage it, mo nighean donn… There’s the both of us, aye? I’ll no’ be lettin’ ye fall.”

I kissed him then, pulling him closer in desperate urgency. His lips met mine and anchored me to him, holding me fast as I tried to make sense of the storm building around me.

“I’ve got you,” he crooned, pressing my head against his chest when we came up for air.

I concentrated on the sound of his pulse, the rhythm of his heartbeat against my cheek, and slowly felt clarity return to me.

“What else is in there?” I sniffed.

His arms loosened around me and he peered over the edge of the trunk a moment.

“More wee things for the bairns… but I think this one’s for you, Sassenach.”

With this he let go, retrieving a bodice and woolen skirt dyed a deep navy blue from the depths of the wooden chest.

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t fit you,” I grinned and took it from him.

He grunted good naturedly at my jest and obediently bent his head for a closer look when I shoved the bodice back into his lap, cheering with delight.

“Oh, aye,” he nodded appreciatively, yet his voice held that hollow tone of disproportionate earnest. “Tha’ll do verra nicely for you, Sassenach.”

I rose one brow at him, “You have no idea why I’m excited about it, do you?”

“Aye, well… tis a new frock, isn’t it? An’ a bonnie one a’ that,” his grin turned sheepish as he confessed.

I lunged for him, meaning to poke him between the ribs, but he caught my hands well in time and I laughed.

“The boning, the lacing of it,” I nodded towards the bodice, “It’s made for mothers!”

“Oh, aye?” his brows shot up at this and he dropped my hands in order to take a second, proper look.

I began to examine the waistband of the matching skirt as he did so and very much liked what I found.

“So’s this,” I continued. “I can wear it now and continue to after they’re here.”

He handed it back with a greater appreciation, his gaze growing wistful, “Did Jenny’s gowns have such things?”

I nodded, fighting back my gut-wrenching yearning for Jamie’s elder sister. It was always there, brooding under the surface as I contemplated our life to come. I didn’t have much of anything in the way of worldly goods, but what I did have, I’d gladly give to have her with us.

“We may be leaving Scotland at dawn,” I whispered hoarsely, then swallowed hard in order to continue, “but I know we’ll be back… I just know it. You children will see their birthright. I promise you.”

He leaned forward and kissed me softly, the promise of his body, of his protection and undying love echoing my own.

Leaning back after a moment with a sigh, his gaze fell on the tiny baby gowns and his eyes took on a light of complete wonder.

“I havena held a bairn in a verra long time,” his voice was deeper than usual, husky with longing to take his own children into his arms. “I ken they’ll be wee… but, a dhia, Sorcha, I forgot just how much so.”

I draped the gowns over the swell of our children and brought his hand to the place where one insisted on causing a disturbance within me.

Nodding, I pressed hard against them, urging them to respond to us, “But they’re strong.”

“Aye,” he brought his lips to mine as his children proved my point emphatically, “Just like their mother.”

…

Later That Evening

Dinner had been delightful, though we’d still excused ourselves as soon as was appropriate, citing our early departure.

But in truth, I had only one destination in mind.

The hot spring.

I shut the door of our chamber behind us with a grin and leaned against it, insisting abruptly, “Take off your clothes.”

Jamie started visibly then burst out laughing as he sat down hard upon the bed.

“Oh, aye?” He rose a brow when he could finally speak, his shoulders still shaking, “Is tha’ how it’s goin’ to be?”

Heat rose to my cheeks as I shook my head in mock derision, reaching over to the nearly empty chest of drawers and withdrawing two homespun robes of a deep chestnut hue. I tossed one to him and his amusement turned to curiosity.

“I want to show you something,” I blurted, not wanting to give away the surprise and yet needing to get him out of the room somehow.

Both brows rose nearly to his hairline as he looked at me skeptically.

“An’ I must wear this?”

I undid the lacing of my new bodice, commenting, “We both are.”

“Ye’re delirious, Sassenach,” Jamie shook his head. “Ye canna be tellin’ me ye mean to wander about in nothin’ but that?”

“Well,” my blush rose considerably and I wished he’d just put on the damn thing and be done with it already, “it covers more than you’d think… and I stick to the shadows.”

“Ye’ve done this before?!”

The incredulity of the idea had him back on his feet in an instant, a fire burning bright in his eyes.

“I have,” my chin rose defiantly, “and I plan on doing it one last time before we go.”

A slow grin spread across his face, the indignation in his eyes melting into unfettered requirement.

“With me?”

“Of course with you,” I snorted, shoving his robe against his chest. “Just put the bloody thing on, will you?”

He did so immediately, then helped me in turn, all the while his grin permanently splitting his face in two.

“Good,” I appraised him, adjusting the belt around my waist more securely.

“Shall we go, then?”

Jamie rose a brow at this and opened the door, bowing low over his hand as he gestured into the deep shadows of the hall.

Slipping my hand into the crook of his arm, we made our way wordlessly along the dark passageways. We turned this way and that, the slope of the floor slowly dipping as we got closer. Finally reaching the door to the passageway, I opened it and sighed with relief as I found the sconces already lit.

We continued on for some time and eventually had to walk single file as the tunnel narrowed.

“Are ye sure ye ken where we’re goin’?” Jamie asked skeptically from behind me, his frown evident in the darkness.

I suppressed a laugh and brushed the tips of my fingers along the solid rock wall, “Well, there’s no chance of us taking a wrong turn, now is there?”

The tunnel was dimly lit and full of twists and turns, but held no offshoots or forks of any sort. It simply led to our destination, which was the only reason the brothers let me travel to and fro unattended. There was absolutely no chance of me getting lost underground as I traversed completely naked beneath my borrowed robe.

Brother Jeremiah had introduced me to the abbey’s restorative hot springs during the long weeks of Jamie’s recovery. I could slip away and find relief for a few hours as Murtagh watched over our beloved charge. The warm buoyancy of the water relieved the pressure of the lives within me, rewinding time to give my body back to me. The quiet solitude soothed my frazzled nerves and slowly healed the mental and emotional wounds inflicted by the horrible ordeal we had all just gone through.

The heat of the spring wafted towards us quite suddenly and a shiver of excitement ran up my spine, raising gooseflesh in its wake.

“We’re almost there,” I assured him unnecessarily.

The light of the cavern was discernible before us — bless the brothers for preparing it for us — and Jamie now could see it for himself. We continued on a few paces more and then we stood in the midst of the gaping cavern. Sconces were positioned here and there between us and the shore, attempting to illuminate the void, but great gaps of darkness stood beyond and it was clear that the space was a good deal larger than either of us could imagine.

I let out a sigh of absolute delight, so relieved to finally be here, and asked, “Do you like it?”

Jamie didn’t answer but looked around with his mouth agape. I knew the feeling fell, but my eagerness to be within the pool had me disrobing before my poor husband knew what was happening. I had one foot in when his voice stopped me.

“Christ, Sassenach,” he burst in delight, “‘tis a hot spring!”

I laughed and continued my descent down the carved stone steps.

“Oh, you do. Good,” I grinned and reached the bottom. “Do come in, then.”

Jamie shed his robe, but kept a firm hold of his skepticism, asking from the top of the stairs, “How hot is it? Should ye be bathin’ in it in yer condition, Sassenach?”

I shook my head, my curls splaying this way and that on the surface of the water, and I rolled my eyes.

If he only knew how bloody amazing it feels in here.

The muscles of my lower back had immediately relaxed upon contact with the water, my hips loosened and my breathing eased. They seemed to like it too, for they tumbled with delight at the first and then settled into a blissful slumber. I could walk slowly about, stretching my long limbs without the strain of gravity. Or I sometimes lay my arms on the stone ledge of the shore, resting my head atop them as I let my legs float out from beneath me… levitating weightless in the water.

“It gets hotter the further out you go,” I assured him, gesturing vaguely into the darkness. “I stay over here in the shallows and I’m just fine… it's like a splendid bath that never grows cold.”

He continued in, the water slowly swallowing him up as he joined me. The awe was back in his eyes, now seeing and feeling for himself what a splendid thing this was. He wiggled his toes in the clean, black sand at the bottom of the pool, sending pulsating currents over my own. The surface looked deceptively still, but there were small currents here and there if you knew where to find them… the pulse of the living, breathing spring.

Jamie turned to grin at me in the darkness, his teeth flashing white in the sconces’ flickering light.

“Christ, Sassenach,” he repeated and shook his head, completely at a loss.

I laughed, “You approve, then?”

“Oh, aye,” he insisted, looking ‘round excitedly. “I do, indeed.”

Jamie bounced on his toes slightly as he squinted out into the darkness.

“How far does it go?”

“I’m not sure,” I shrugged. “It got too hot for me.”

He nodded with an adorable sense of determination and I knew he was out to explore this oasis I had just introduced him to. He started to move away but I touched his arm, stopping him for a moment.

“Be careful, alright?”

His face melted and he leaned back in for a kiss, nudging my nose with his, “Aye, I’ll keep an eye for any wee beasties.”

“Any big ones too.”

“Mmm,” he kissed me again, “I think we’re quite safe, m ’ionmhas. Though, tis a shame we left our pet selkie behind, hmm?”

I laughed and shoved him away, letting him explore to his heart’s content. I could hear him splash this way and that, muttering to himself, but was surprised when he returned shortly after he left.

“Nothing out there?”

He snorted, “Entirely too much that I canna see… and you’re right, tis a good deal hotter out there.”

His skin was delightfully warm as I slipped my arms around his neck with a sigh. Resting my cheek against his chest, I let my feet float out beneath me. He towed me slowly around the edge of the pool, the water rippling over my legs and abdomen feeling remarkably like his caressing hands. I became warmer and more aroused by the moment, the tips of my sensitive breasts brushed against his chest and set off fireworks deep within me.

He found the man-made niche cut into the wall that I liked to frequent and sat on the wooden bench, pulling me to sit sideways on his lap. I knew there was plenty of room for both of us on it and pushed him backwards as I moved to straddle him. The eager glow in his eyes set me afire as I settled myself more comfortably, treasuring him for a moment before guiding him home. The accompanying inrush of hot water surprised me for a brief moment, but I soon found it incredibly exhilarating and settled myself with a sigh of pleasure.

“Oh, I like that one,” he purred.

I blinked at him stupidly and asked, “Like what?”

“That sound you made,” he explained, the delight evident in his eyes, “the wee squeak.”

I didn’t think it was possible to blush — I knew my skin was already flushed to the point of beet red — and I found myself dropping my gaze, hoping my hair would fall in my face and hide my embarrassment.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to be noisy.”

Jamie tipped my chin up, brushing the curls from my brow as he insisted gently, “I said I like it.”

I nodded, not entirely sure what to say to that and found I didn’t have to, for he continued.

“And I do… ‘tis one of the things I like best about bedding you, Sassenach,” he grinned, “the small noises that you make.”

He cradled my head in his hands, kissing me with an urgency that made me forget myself once more, and shifted his hips just so beneath me. I half stifled a gasp and he commented softly, “Aye, like that.”

“That's what I thought most about,” Jamie murmured, his hands slowly caressing my back, curving around to cup my breasts, to frame the swell of our children.

“In prison, at night… chained in a room with dozens of other men, listening to the snoring and farting and groaning. I thought of those small, tender sounds that you make when I love you… and I could feel you there next to me in the dark, breathing soft and then faster, and the little grunt that you give when I first take you, as though you were settling yourself to your job.”

My breathing was certainly coming faster now, my head light. Had it not been for my rather firm hold of him down below the surface, I was sure I would have floated far away into oblivion.

“Even better,” his lips brushed against my neck, sending a shiver of delight up and down my spine, “when I come to you fierce and wanting... and ye wimper under me and struggle as though you’re struggling to get away, and I know ‘tis only that you’re struggling to come closer... and I’m fighting the same fight.”

His hands sank to my hips, slipping between us to caress the stretched and yearning point of our joining. I quivered and my breath went from me in an unwilled gasp.

“Or when I come to you needing… and you take me into you with a sigh and that quiet hum like a hive of bees in the sun,” a sweet smile played at his lips, “and ye carry me into peace with a little moaning sound.”

“Jamie,” I hoarsely whispered, my need nearly strangling me. “Jamie, please.”

He kissed me soundly as his hands settled around my waist, slowing me until I groaned around his lips.

“Not yet. We’ve time, mo chridhe,” he calmly answered. “I mean to hear ye groan like that again… to moan and sob, though ye dinna wish to, for ye canna help it… I mean to make you sigh as though your heart would break and scream with the wanting...  and at last to cry out in my arms… and I shall know I’ve served you well.”

With that, my release overtook me, shooting like a dart into the depths of my belly. It loosened my joints so that my arms slipped limp off his shoulders, Jamie’s steadying hands all that kept me from drowning.

Resting my head against his chest, I felt boneless as a jellyfish. I didn’t know — or care — what sort of noises I’d been making, but felt incapable of coherent speech.

That is, until he began to move again... strong as a shark under the water.

“Oh God, no,” I protested. “Jamie, no. I can’t bear it like that again.”

The blood was still pounding in my fingertips and his movement inside me was an exquisite torture.

“You can… for I love you,” his lips brushed against my neck. “And you will, for I want you… but, dinna fash, for this time I go with you.”

Bloody hell, you’re coming with me, I vowed.

I lifted my hands to his chest and splayed my fingers wide, still trembling as I pressed my palms against his slippery skin. Sliding my hands up, I took hold of his shoulders and shoved him the couple inches backwards into the stone wall of the niche with all the strength I could muster.

Jamie’s eyes flew open in surprise and the arousal I found there was the second wind I needed.

His brows rose suggestively and I sat back — settling myself to my business, as he had so eloquently stated before. His hands settled at my waist, curving round to clenching my buttocks tightly as I rode him towards oblivion.

A low groan rumbled within him and I cupped one hand beneath his head, pulling back up to me by the scruff of his neck. I was rewarded with a Christ, Claire and kissed him hard as I sank even deeper. It wouldn’t — couldn’t — be long now for either of us and with that knowledge, I tossed restraint to the wind.

“You are mine,” I repeated, the final vowel twisting into a cry of pure ecstacy.

I heard his own cry and I knew I had served him well.

[peach-pops]

morning commute || akaashi x reader

Summary: TIMESKIP where Akaashi saves the reader as she’s walking across the street

Word Count: 1.4k

Author’s note: This is just a small lil thing I whipped up because meet cutes are always so fun to write! I’ll be cranking out more ‘meet cute’ stories with other haikyuu boys as well!

-----

As unpredictable city life could be, Akaashi had the perfect routine that he had followed every morning to ensure he arrived to work on time. 

Once he left his apartment, he would stop by his signature coffee and bagel shop that was a little ways in the opposite direction of his office building to order his daily breakfast. By now, the employees knew his order so well that by the time he walked into the shop, his order was already freshly made and waiting for you on the counter.

While walking back into the direction of his office building, Akaashi would pop in his headphones and pick up on whatever podcast he left off from the day before, usually something surrounding true crime or pop culture. On the way to his commute, he would quickly eat his bagel and weave through the sidewalk efficiently as if it was second nature.

Akaashi had gotten a job an editor for Shonen Manga Magazine, one of the biggest publishing offices in Japan. It wasn’t his dream job but his passion for writing allowed him to see that there was still so much time to get higher up in the ranks and for his age, he was already excelling. 

His desk faced toward the busy street and while it was usually packed with people going to work, he kept his curtains open as a part of his morning routine because of a certain someone. 

 Every morning around 7:55am, you would always walk by his office building with a coffee in one hand and your laptop bag in the other. 

You would always look up from your phone to smile sweetly but it was nothing more than that. It was as if you both recognized your busy mornings and even if it was just for a moment, Akaashi liked seeing this beautiful stranger walk by his window every morning. 

Words were never spoken between the two of you but Akaashi was okay with it, for now. 

So every morning like the one before, he would sit at his desk and wait to greet you like a well-oiled machine but today was different. 

You exited the coffee shop you went to every morning but as you were putting headphones in your ears, your phone started to ring. You hardly ever got calls this early in the morning, especially since most of your friends were still asleep by then.

You checked the caller ID and once you saw your roommate’s name, you picked up the call,” Tetsuro? Is everything okay?” 

“ Talk quieter I have a headache,” Kuroo groaned from the other side of the phone,”Can you pick up acetylsalicylic acid on your way home from work today? My head is throbbing like crazy and I don’t think I can make it to my labs today.”

“ Please just say aspirin,” You sighed as you ripped off a piece of your bagel,” we get it, you’re in medical school big whoop. Anyway, sure I’ll get your stupid acid whatever because I’m a good friend.” 

“ Thank you, I’ll make it up to you when I become a doctor and save your life one day- Oh! Look at this picture I found of us in high school! Kenma found it when he was moving his boxes the other day, I’ll text it to you.”

“ Ugh, I’m already cringing,” You said as you looked down at your phone but continued to walk down the sidewalk. When the photo popped up, you let out a laugh,” oh my god Kenma’s hair! I miss his hair like that!” 

“ Nah, I think he looks better with his hair long. I’ll send another one hold up.” 

Like every morning before you, you found yourself walking in front of Shonen Press and you locked eyes with the attractive gentleman through the window. You smiled sweetly back at him and even gave a small wave of your hand. 

You might’ve had a small crush on the Shonen guy and even your friends had teased you about never making a move but you weren’t going to be teased for having a crush on a stranger. 

You turned your attention back to your buzzing phone to look at the new photo that Kuroo had sent and you shrieked,” EW! I can’t believe I let you cut my bangs-”

Akaashi was always known to be observant, it was practically in his DNA and evolved over the course of his high school volleyball career. That’s why he was the first to notice how distracted you were and that you hadn’t stopped at the crosswalk. 

His blood ran cold as he looked on towards the street and he could see a taxi coming at you, almost in slow motion.

Akaashi cursed under his breath as he practically scrambled out of his office and ran out of his building towards you. 

You didn’t even notice the pavement cave in as you stepped right in front of the bike lane without looking up from your phone. It wasn’t until you heard a loud car horn that you looked up and noticed you were right in the path of an oncoming taxi cab. 

Like a deer in headlights, you froze as you clutched your phone in your hand tightly as if you were accepting your fate and braced for impact. Before the car could hit you, Akaashi wrapped his arms around your frame and pulled you back, away from the street. 

The momentum sent you falling back into the chest of your savior and the two of you landed safely on the sidewalk with a hard thud. 

There were a few gasps but some people still walked around the disruption without a second thought. 

Akaashi panted frantically as he looked across your face to make sure there was no harm done. He wanted to check the rest of your body but he was too afraid to move you off of him.

You squeezed your eyes shut, still in fear, until you felt a hand press up against your cheek in a worried manner,” Miss, are you hurt anywhere?” 

You opened your eyes as you came face to face with the same gentleman you had smiled at for the last couple of months every morning. Your noses practically grazed each other’s softly as you tried to regain your breath. 

You couldn’t even speak, you didn’t know why you felt so nervous so you only shoo your head at him, earning a small smile back.

“ Okay, that’s good. I’m going to help you up now, okay?” Akaashi reassured you as he carefully lifted you back onto your feet, his hand still resting on your waist,” are you sure you’re fine? I can call an ambulance or I can take you to the hospital?”

Akaashi couldn’t take his eyes off of you, even though you were visibly shaken up, you almost seemed to lean into his touch. He didn’t even want to think of the possibility that if he was only a second too late...

“ I can’t believe you just saved my life,” You said softly as you looked back at the street in disbelief,” I-thank you. Thank you so much I think I owe you for the rest of my life. Thank you, thank you!” 

You were sure you were still in shock but that didn’t stop you from throwing your hands over his shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug. Akaashi tensed at your offering but hugged you back as if you two had been friends for years. 

“ Are you sure you’re okay, miss?” He asked again as you pulled away.

“ Y/N L/N.” 

Akaashi smiled as he repeated your name outloud to hear how it sounded out of his own mouth. 

“ Keiji Akaashi.” 

“ Well Keiji Akaashi, it’s nice to officially meet you,” You said as you awkwardly stuck your hand out to shake his hand as if formalities were now somewhat important,” I’m sorry we had to meet like this but I heard shared trauma bonds people.”

Akaashi chuckled as he looked down at your hand and shook your hand. This was by far the weirdest way any two people had met and yet, Akaashi thought it was oddly fitting that the two of you would finally connect like this.

He looked down at your laptop bag and picked it up to hand it over to you before he noticed your spilled coffee. 

“ You know how you said you owe me for the rest of your life?” Akaashi asked as you eyed him suspiciously but nodded,” well maybe you can thank me over coffee sometime if you’re willing to. Just be sure to stay off your phone during the date, yeah?”

“ Okay but it’ll be my treat. After all, I owe you remember?”

[sgtbradfords]

I have another one

“I can’t do this anymore!” 🥺😭

Also set after being burried alive

Lucy is stuggling with nightmares

She’s not back to work yet

And she finds herself on the edge of a bridge in a deserted part of town in the middle of a rainy night

Harper and west happen to be passing in their shop when they see someone on the bridge

They don’t realise it’s Lucy straight away due to the heavy rain

They call nayla and Nolan for backup

And they ring Tim who rushes from home

Ultimately it’s only Tim who she will let get somewhat close to her, but will he be able to convince her to get down? You decide?

Here you go anon! My muse was fighting with me hard on this one so I do apologize if it’s not exactly how you wanted...

The city of Los Angeles California rarely got rain, only accumulating almost fifteen inches on average. But when it did rain, it poured. Small creeks of water flowed in-between the sidewalk and the paved road, debris floating on the top before the water would fall into the never-ending storm drain. Of course, the rain would help the dust in the air to settle but would cause car accidents and domestic disputes to increase.

Lucy Chen loved the rain, the rhythmic pitter-patter of it falling onto something, the smell of it in the air as it wet the grass, it was easy to enjoy and get lost in the moment. That was before she had been kidnapped and thrown into a 34” by 23” space, before the lid was sealed and she was buried. It seemed like months ago, time passing by at a snail’s pace but it had only been three weeks ago.

She wasn’t healing, at least not properly. How could she? After all the trauma she had been through, her therapist told her it would take time. Of course, she knew that, being the only child of two psychologists and having a minor in psychology herself, she knew that supposedly time heals all wounds. But a lack of sleep accompanied with severe trauma? It makes you become impulsive.  

Lucy’s not sure why she is where she is, just that in her mind it seemed like a good idea at the time. Her feet dangling over the edge of the bridge, her bottom sitting on the concrete wall with her back facing traffic as the rain poured around her, the long brown waves of her hair were wet and matted to her skin.

“Ma’am? Are you ok?” a voice asked behind her.

She childishly kicked her feet back and forth as her tears mixed with the rain.

“I’m calling the cops. But, I’m going to stay with you.”

Lucy could hear the person talking into their phone in the background as she focused on the headlights passing around her.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking but you don’t have to do this.”

Lucy shrugged. “It’s easier.”

“My name’s Jake, what’s yours?”

“Lucy.”

“Well Lucy, I’ve never been where you are but, I have had my fair share of bad days.”

“Bad days? How about one continuous bad day that lasts for weeks?”

Sirens sounded in the distance before they cut off as they got closer.

“It has got to get better right? There has to be something that’s worth fighting for.”

Lucy thought for a second, “Maybe.”

“Good, good. Then, why don’t we focus on that.”

The sound of boots splashing in the running water on the ground grew louder as someone approached, the sound of the pelting rain hitting neon-colored jackets became rhythmic, the droplets bouncing off the polyester.

“Lucy?” One of the new onlookers asked. Lucy closed her eyes as she recognized the voice. ‘Of course.’

“You know her?” Jake asked, surprise in his voice.

“She’s one of ours. Lucy, what are you doing?”

Lucy stared ahead, ignoring the question. “Have you ever drove through here around sunset? It’s beautiful, the sky in different shades and hues, none you can name but you can describe.”

“Lucy, come over here and we can talk about it.”

“I just want a break. I’m tired Jackson. So damn tired. Every time I close my eyes, I- I’m back in that barrel. I’m not- I’m not suicidal but I am so…”

“I know Lucy, I know.”  

“I’ve driven through here at sunset.” Jake spoke as he leaned against the railing. “Sometimes I just want to take a picture, but a picture doesn’t do it justice.”

Lucy stays quiet, basking in the way the rain hits her.

“It wasn’t supposed to rain today.” Jake told her. “But there’s just something about it…”

Lucy glanced over, his own dark brown hair matted to his head, the dark frames of his glasses littered with droplets of precipitation, the man was drenched, his clothing sticking to him from head to toe.

“You’re going to get sick.”

Jake shrugged. “I don’t care. So, you’re a cop huh?”

“I was.” She whispered, her words getting lost in the rain.

“No, see I think you are because you have that… vibe about you.”

Lucy snorted. “You’re making that up.”

“I’m serious!”

“What do you do Jake?”

“I’m a broker. Lame I know but someone has to do it.”

“A broker? You don’t look like a broker.”

“You know, maybe it’s time for a career change.” He said, wrinkling his nose in thought. “Why are you out this late? Shouldn’t you be at home, with your... Husband? Wife?”

Lucy looked out in front of her before whispering. “I’m tired of the nightmares. Why are you out this late?”

“I’m tired of it all.” He whispered to her somberly.

Lucy turned her body, her legs straddling the cement barrier as she turned towards the man beside her. She noticed, Jackson standing a few feet away, watching their interaction.

“Jake… Why did you come here tonight?”

Jake stayed silent, giving Lucy her answer as he watched the light of the cell tower miles away blink consistently.

“You were going to do it, weren’t you?” she asked, searching his face. “You told me earlier, that there has to be something worth fighting for Jake. That it has got to get better. If I hadn’t of been here tonight, would you… would you have done it?”

Lucy continued to stare, searching his face as she continued to sit there, the rain falling around them as time passed before the sound of tires sliding on the wet as the vehicle forcefully came to a stop filled the air.

“Lucy. Chen, what are you doing?”

Jackson extended out an arm, stopping the other man from moving forward.

“Jake?”

“Yes.” He whispered.

Lucy nodded, swinging her right foot back over the barrier before she planted both feet onto the solid ground, pulling the much taller man into a hug.

“It’s going to be ok Jake.” She whispered as the emotions Jake had been holding back, broke upon contact. “We’re both going to be ok.”

Lucy let go of him as Jake stepped back, Jackson stepping forward. “This is Jackson West, he’s a very close friend. Is- Is there someone, anyone we can call?”

He shook his head. “I don’t- I have a cousin who lives in Albuquerque.”

“Then let’s call them. You need someone Jake.”

Jake stepped over to Jackson as the other person moved forward. “What the hell boot?” he cursed as his eyes checked her over from head to toe. “What the fuck were you thinking? Were you thinking? You know what, don’t answer that because clearly you weren’t.”

“Tim I-“

“Listen we all have bad days, hell, bad years. But you, you are better than this, better than him. You can’t let what he done to you, what they done to you, affect you like this. He’s dead Chen and Rosalind, Rosalind, you can’t let her win.”

Lucy looked up, the easing rainfall hitting her face as she stared him down. “I know.” She whispered.

“Then let me- let us help.” He pleaded, his voice cracking as he asked.

Lucy sniffled, nodding her head as she took a step forward. “I’m not sleeping, every time I close my eyes, I’m back- I’m in-.”

“We will find something that works boot.” He said, reaching a hand out, grasping her on her upper arm.

At the touch, the dam Lucy was holding back broke. “I’m sorry.”

Tim pulled her to him, his left arm encasing her back as his right moved to her head. “It’s ok Luce.”

The rain stopped falling as they stood on the sidewalk, Lucy’s cries easing as she pulled back out of the embrace. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get you home.”

Tim nodded once at Jackson who was waiting for Jake to end his call, the other officer giving his superior an appreciative look. Tim walked to his truck, jumping into the driver’s side of the cab as Lucy climbed into the passenger seat. He cranked the vehicle, switching all the knobs to make the truck warm before he redirected the vents towards her.

“You’re going to get sick, but maybe this will help.”

Lucy nodded in thanks as she buckled her seatbelt into place, Tim moving the gearshift into reverse, backing out before switching it to drive.

“You’re going to be ok boot.” He told her as they drove down the empty streets.

“I wasn’t going to- to jump tonight. I just went out for a walk to clear my head and ended up there. Every time I have driven over that bridge, I’ve always found it so… peaceful.”

“Just next time, don’t sit on the wall ok?”

Lucy nodded as he pulled the truck up in front of her apartment complex, turning her body to give her thanks as he put the vehicle in park.

“You done a good thing tonight Chen, you stopped him.”

“I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had not of been there.” She whispered.

Tim ran is tongue along his cheek. “You can’t do that. You can’t let yourself think about what might have happened. Because if you do, it will eat you alive.”

“The department therapist is going to have a field day with this.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Tell them the truth.”

“I am. I will. Thanks again for the ride Tim.”

He nodded. “I’m always a phone call away Chen.” He told her before pointing a finger at her. “Now, get out of my truck and get upstairs, you’re messing up the interior.”

“Yes sir.” She smiled as she pulled the handle for the door. Time will heal wounds but it will also leave behind scars, and those scars are a symbol of survival.

[littlestarofthewest]

This might be a weird fanfic request but meh, Modern AU fem/reader, where Arthur buys Y/N a gift but the gift is vibrating panties and they go out and he controls the remote.... it could slowly turn into a smut if you feel comfortable writing it. 💗

There are no weird requests!! Seriously, if I don’t want to write something, I won’t, but you can always ask for anything. In this case, I have no idea how this was supposed to go un-smutty, so have some smut xD

Title: best gift ever | Word Count: 2493 | Rating: Explicit!!! (18+)

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x female reader

Tags: modern au, public sex, sex toys

After having a hell of a day at work, you’re not looking forward to going back. You hate office parties more than anything, and you couldn’t care less about one of the CEOs going into retirement, no matter if he founded that damn company. You do good work, and that should be enough. They shouldn’t be able to steal your free time as well, especially today.

“I’m home,” you shout into the apartment when you close the door behind you, and only seconds later, you’re pulled into a bear hug by Arthur.

“Happy anniversary,” he says with a smile before kissing you until your knees go weak.

You put your arms around his neck and rub your cheek against his soft beard. “I don’t wanna go.”

“We’ve talked about this, darling,” Arthur says, and before you can protest, he lifts you up, making you put your legs around him while he carries you into the other room. “We make a quick appearance and celebrate later.”

“I want to celebrate now,” you say, kissing along Arthur’s neck.

He groans, and you hope to tempt him, but he puts you down in the bathroom. “I already drew you a bath. Just take a moment to relax, and this thing will be over in no time.”

“Fine,” you mutter, but it still takes a while for Arthur to leave.

You let him help you out of your clothes and take every chance you get to make him stay. Finally, Arthur promises you that you can have his anniversary gift before you leave, and you let him go to take your bath.

Afterward, you head to the bedroom only in your towel and find Arthur already in his suit. Usually, Arthur dresses a lot more casual, so seeing him like this has your blood pumping again. 

“Very handsome, Mr. Morgan,” you say, and Arthur rewards you with a kiss and a smile.

“Presents?” he asks, and you can’t help but laugh about his excitement. A man his size shouldn’t look like a puppy who’s about to get a treat.

“Fine, I’ll start,” you say before getting a little package out of your closet and handing it to him. 

Arthur unwraps it with glee on his face, and his eyes grow wide when he holds it up, realizing what it is. Early on in your relationship, you found out that the only thing that turns Arthur on more than getting you naked is getting you almost naked. Over the years, your collection of lingerie grew like crazy, and there’s rarely a week where you don’t put on something special for Arthur.

The piece in his hands is a barely-there garter belt made of thin lace that leaves your breasts bare and only exists to hold up the matching stockings. You take it out of Arthur’s hands with a smile. “I could wear this under my dress tonight. What do you think?”

Arthur swallows visibly, his eyes still fixed on the lingerie when he licks his lips. “Sure. It might go well with this.”

He leans down to get a small bag out from under the bed and hands it to you. Since you recognize from which shop this is coming, you feel the same excitement you saw on Arthur’s face. Reaching inside, you find thin black panties, but pulling them out, they feel way too heavy. A second later, you spot another small item in the bag, and the penny drops.

“Do they vibrate?”

Arthur nods, a hint of redness on his face. “You said you always wanted to try that, but you don’t have to wear-”

You cut Arthur off by crawling into his lap and kissing him. “I’ll put these on right away,” you say before getting the remote out of the bag, “and you take this.”

There’s a definite hunger in Arthur’s eyes when he takes the remote, and suddenly you look forward to tonight’s party.

————-

Arthur starts you off by testing the panties on the car ride. It’s nice enough, just a teasing little buzz, and you’re happy to find out that the sound is low enough that nobody will be able to hear.

At the party, you make your way around the room, saying hi to the important people, introducing Arthur to anybody who hasn’t met him before. Then you part ways, and the waiting starts.

Arthur begins the night of teasing by doing nothing at all. You’ve been at the party for about an hour, and your underwear has been perfectly still. You begin to wonder if the panties are broken, but when you talk to one of your co-workers who Arthur absolutely despises, a sudden buzz between your legs makes you gasp. 

You quickly get away, hiding your reaction behind a cough, but from there on out, the game is on. It quickly becomes obvious that Arthur has an eye on you the whole time. He makes the panties vibrate on the worst occasions. Soon, he doesn’t turn them off at all anymore, letting them tease you at the lowest setting, at least.

Thirty minutes in, you notice how some of the men give you looks, and after getting over the initial panic that they might know what’s going on in your pants, you see the obvious problem. Brought on by the arousal, your nipples are standing at the ready at all times. They look like they’re about to poke holes through the thin fabric of your dress.

It becomes highly entertaining for you to engage those guys in conversation and watch them try their hardest to look you in the eyes. At the same time, it’s getting harder to talk to anybody at all. Arthur keeps messing with the vibrator, using such different settings that you never know what’s about to hit you.

After a while, you seek shelter in one of the stalls in the lady’s room. Arthur’s decent enough to let you pee in peace, and you take the chance to clean yourself and the panties up. With all the stimulation, you got so wet that you made quite the mess already. For a brief moment, you consider getting yourself off but decide against it. 

The second you’re back at the party, Arthur teases you again, letting you find out that the settings go way higher than you initially thought. You lose track of time, your mind occupied by the tingling in your pants while you try your best to hold any conversation.

Twenty minutes after your break, you bite your lip and have to throw in some breathing exercises so you won’t start moaning in the middle of the room. Your body feels hot all over, your pussy is soaking wet again, and you’re so oversensitive that even the fabric of your dress against your skin feels like a constant stimulation.

You’re about to find Arthur and tell him to maybe take a break when your old CEO runs into you. “Ah, miss Y/N, there you are. I’m glad you could make it, dear.”

He shakes your hand, and you force a smile on your face. “Of course, Mr. O'Driscoll. I guess I had to see for myself if you’re really quitting.”

With a laugh, he lets go off your hand. “Well, you’re not the first one to say that, but don’t you worry, I’m gone for good this time. I think the company is in good hands with Colm.”

“I’m sure it is. Colm is-” you begin, but lose your train of thought when your panties suddenly seem to explode. The vibration is so strong that it takes away your breath, and you have to force out the words. “Colm is most competent, I’m sure he’ll do fine.”

“Thank you,” Colm’s father says, but then he furrows his brows. “Are you alright, dear? You look a little flushed. Maybe you should sit down.”

The vibrator almost brings you to your knees as it is, you don’t want to know what it would be like if you sat down on it. “Oh no, I’ve just been feeling a little under the weather today, but nothing a good night’s sleep can’t cure.”

“You’re a fighter, I know that,” Mr. O'Driscoll says. “But you better take care of yourself. Promise me you’ll head home soon.”

“Promise,” you say, earning a fond smile. 

“It was nice to see you, dear.”

“You too,” you say, shaking his hand again. The second he walks away, you grab the nearest table for support, and the buzz in your pants ebbs away. 

You’re tempted to find Arthur to give him a piece of your mind, but you agreed to this after all, and your pussy sure doesn’t mind the teasing. Still, you only make it another ten minutes before you give Arthur the signal to leave. 

The vibrations start up again as you’re standing in the elevator with a bunch of people on your way down to the parking garage. A not so subtle guy stares at your chest until Arthur clears his throat, and he’s the first one to rush to his car the second the elevator doors open.

You wait for everybody else to leave before you follow Arthur to your car. By now, you’re so wet that you’re afraid your juices might run down your legs, and it becomes harder and harder to walk. You’re halfway to the car when the vibration gets worse, and you bite your lip again to keep yourself from cursing out Arthur. 

Of course, the son of a bitch kept it from you how high the setting actually goes, and with every step, he cranks it up higher. You can’t hold in a whimper and slap your hand against the roof of the car before turning to him.

“You alright, darling?” Arthur asks with a teasing smile.

“Turn it off,” you gasp, hoping that it might help, but you’re already too far gone. Your pussy still pulses like crazy, and you grab Arthur and pull him in. “You have to fuck me!”

“Let’s get in the-” Arthur starts, but you shake your head, your hand greedily diving between his legs.

“Right now, Arthur,” you groan, “I need your cock right the fuck now.”

There’s a second of hesitation, but then Arthur’s all over you. You pull him in for a sloppy kiss, and his hands roam over your body, setting you on fire. Arthur pulls down the straps of your dress, teasing your exposed nipples with his tongue while you hike up your dress and shove down the panties, not caring that they end up on the dirty floor.

Arthur comes back up to kiss you, and you open his pants with experienced hands. It’s certainly not the first time you had quick fun somewhere in public, you’ve just never been so desperate for it before. Arthur isn’t any better, though. The second you get out his cock, he pulls up one of your legs, and while you wrap it around him, he pushes into you.

It feels like getting cold water on a fresh burn. After being teased the whole time, you sure don’t mind something more solid. Arthur goes slow at first, always trying to be careful with you, but today you can’t have that. The initial release soon isn’t enough anymore. Arthur’s movements feel good, but they only spur you on more.

“Fuck,” you curse, desperately bucking your hips for more friction. “I need more, Arthur.”

“Goddammit, girl,” Arthur curses, but then he pulls out of you and grabs you by the arm to move you around. 

Arthur bends you over the hood of the car, making you cry out as he pushes back into you from behind. Somewhere in your foggy brain, you know how exposed you are. Your naked breasts are pressing against the cold material of the car while you have your ass up in the air to give Arthur as much access as possible.

He makes good use of it. With his fingers digging into your hips, he thrusts into you, making you moan so loudly that your voice carries through the entire parking garage. You know you should quiet down, but you’re too focused on getting off. 

By now, you feel like your whole body is buzzing, the blood pumping through your veins as if a dam broke inside of you. The pressure is building up between your legs, but although you’re always short of coming, you can’t quite get there.

“Oh God, I need more. Please,” you beg, and then you feel Arthur’s hand between your legs.

Instead of short, hard thrusts, Arthur pushes deep inside of you, his fingers creating a nice rub against your clit. 

“Come on, come for me, darling,” Arthur says, “milk my cock with your sweet pussy.”

Arthur’s voice has always been your kryptonite, and it does the trick again. His words finally send you over the edge, your whole body shaking as you reach back to hold on to Arthur’s arm, desperate for leverage. You cry out his name as hot waves of pleasure run through you, finally taking away the pressure and leaving nothing but pure bliss.

Arthur’s fingers are digging so hard into your flesh that you might bruise, and he moans just as loud as you did as he comes, your muscles clenching around him. You can feel his hot come filling you up, and your whole body lets loose, turning into a hot puddle on the hood of the car.

After giving himself a moment to breathe, Arthur helps you up, and while he tucks himself away, you try to get your dress back in order. Then, you pick up the panties and throw your arms around Arthur, still a little shaky on your legs. 

“That’s the best. Gift. Ever,” you whisper to him, and he chuckles against your lips.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I can’t wait to wear them again.”

Arthur’s eyes grow wide. “Again?”

“Yes,” you say, running your fingers down Arthur’s chest as you think about it. “While we’re out shopping, in the park, the cinema. And hey, there will always be more office parties.”

Arthur groans and buries his face against your neck. “You’re gonna be the death of me, darling.”

You run your fingers through Arthur’s hair, laughing. “Says the guy who just bent me over a car.”

“True,” Arthur says, a little red tainting his cheeks as he looks back up at you. “I hope that wasn’t too much.”

“It was just right,” you assure him, following your words up with a kiss. “I just don’t think I can stand any longer.”

Arthur smiles. “Then I better get you home and into bed.”

A tingling feeling rushes through your stomach at the words. “And then we celebrate?”

“And then we celebrate,” Arthur says, his voice deep and full of promises.

It’s gonna be a long night, but you don’t mind one bit. Office parties aren’t that bad, after all.

[officialleehadan]

Boats and Salt Wind

Hello darlings! Alas, the smoke is blowing back in, but I almost don’t mind, because now everything smells like falling leaves and woodstoves.

Today’s story is for Jennifer. Thank you so much, darling. I look forward to every one of your comments!

Prompt: HGE – Riptide

+++

The next afternoon, Tony drove Evan and his bike into town. He was on his way to see their science team with the footage from their failed dive. The team had watched it first thing in the morning and Evan had been astonished at how bad the cave-in really was. From where Tony had been, it did look like Evan had been directly under the cascade of immense rocks.

He could hardly blame his friends for thinking that was the end of him. If he had seen it from their side, he would have thought the same thing.

When they reached the lab, Evan poked his head in for a brief chat and a relieved hug from Erik before he pulled his bike from the back of their van and started on his way down to the water.

Evan was happy to meet Eione and Anita at the dock. He had thrown on his swimsuit, and his towel and snorkel gear were in a sack over one shoulder. In one hand he had a jug of fresh water to rinse off with if he got in the water. If they had time, he wanted to take a quick look and see if he could find any of his lost equipment. He wouldn’t be able to retrieve any of it most likely, but he could come back with his scuba gear if he did find anything.

Anita’s boat was named the Sea Urchin. It was a mid-sized white and blue motorboat with a center console shaded by a plastic top overhead. By the time he got there, Eione and Anita were already onboard and ready to go. Evan climbed on board to join the two women.

“Morning,” he said cheerfully with a wave for Anita at the helm. She smiled back at him from where she stood, balanced lightly by one of the railings. He couldn’t help giving Eione an appreciative second glance. She was in a soft sea-green dress that fell just above her knees, and he was amused to note that her feet were bare.

“Morning!” Anita called back to him as she shoved them away from the dock with one good push. “You all good to go?”

“All ready, Ma’am,” he answered confidently. “Got my gear. I’m set.”

“Great! Help Eione cast us off, will you? I’ll get us out of here.” She fired up the engine and carefully pulled the boat away from the pier as soon as the mooring line was loose. Evan helped Eione pull up the bright fenders that protected the side of the boat and tucked them away in one of the benches before putting his bag into the other compartment to keep it out of their way. “Hold on, I don’t drive like a lady.”

As soon as they cleared the mouth of the harbor, Anita cranked the engine and headed up the coastline towards where they had found him. Anita seemed to know where they were going, so he sat back and trusted her to get them there.

The breeze was refreshing after the muggy heat of the island and Evan closed his eyes to enjoy it. Most places had air conditioning, Chris’s house included, but the walk to the dock from where Tony had dropped him off had left him sweating.

The warmth was nice; he just wasn’t used to it after months up north. Hopefully in another week or two it wouldn’t be so bad. It was more than a year since he had last worked somewhere tropical.

He opened his eyes and came over to Eione. She turned to look at him and scooted over until he could sit on the white plastic bench beside her.

“You have a good morning?” he asked her, getting a shy smile in return. “I didn’t have time to stop for pastries, or I would have brought tribute.”

“I always eat while I’m out in the mornings, but thank you for the thought, and it is a very fine morning,” she told him, raising a hand absently to push her hair out of her face. “Are you feeling ready to go back into the water?”

“Excited,” Evan laughed. “I knew the risks when I went down there, and I went in anyway. I love it too much to give it up because of one accident.”

“The current can rip out of that cave when the tide shifts or a storm is rolling in,” Eione told him with a shrug told him, and looked out over the water. “I’ve seen it so strong that I can’t swim against it. It might have been enough to draw you out.”

“Entrance must be pretty narrow to make a current like that in these waters,” he said curiously, wondering if she had actually been the one to help him onto shore. That was starting to look like a stronger possibility than he had thought. “Do you swim there often?”

“It’s a long way for me, but I try to go once a week or so. The lobsters like the coral cover there,” she explained. It wasn’t far from the edge of the boat to the water, and Eione bent to trail her fingers in the water. A wistful smile came to her lips. Evan could see how much she wanted to go for a swim. “There are shells there, too, sometimes, and coral for selling at the market,” she added after another moment of thought.

That made sense, he supposed. Anita said Eione had already been out that day and he knew she worked with Search and Rescue. Maybe she had just seen him get washed out of the cave and dragged him up on the beach.

“I saw your booth. Pretty impressive,” he told her. The pearls she was selling at the market had to be a huge draw for the tourists. If she found them all herself, it was even more impressive. She had a good selection.

“I collect whatever I can off the beaches and I keep my eyes open when I’m out swimming.”

“You go out every day?”

“When the weather is clear. Storms blow up so quickly in summer and the water gets treacherous long before the storm makes landfall.”

“That’s right, summer’s starting here,” Evan said thoughtfully. “I’ll have to talk with my boss and see what he wants to do if a storm blows in while we’re in one of the holes. Don’t want to get stranded.”

“I suppose that could be a real problem,” Eione agreed softly. There was something in her sea-blue eyes that might be worry, but somehow, Evan didn’t think it was for him. “The summer storms can be very fierce.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, and he tried to keep from staring at her too obviously. She really was pretty. Her skin was lighter than some of the other locals, including Anita. Maybe she was rarely out in the sun, and spent the rest of her time under the cover of her booth at the market. Maybe her family wasn’t from the Bahamas originally. She looked like she might have a Greek ancestor or two.

Eione excused herself quietly after a few minutes and went to stand next to Anita. She seemed to be guiding the older woman around something. What, Evan couldn’t imagine. The water around them was free of reefs as far as he could see.

He had to admit, though, Eione seemed to know these waters better than anyone. She would have to, he supposed. Free-diving was tricky business and she did it for a living.

This was the first time he had been offshore in a boat since he had arrived in the Bahamas, not counting his rescue by Anita two days ago. From where they were, he could see a wide stretch of the coastline.

Andros Island was the biggest of any of the Bahamian Islands, but its population was one of the smallest, barely cracking eight thousand residents.

Fortunately for scientists like Erik, the blue holes preserved that dotted the island preserved the bones beautifully. Better even than the tar pit or the marshes in Europe. They were a goldmine for anyone who wanted to study the history of the islands.

Never mind that it was dangerous for divers to go get the bones and bring them back topside, the things they learned from those fossils were amazing. What they learned from the animal bones was better, and even the stalactites deep in the caves answered questions about the past.

Evan liked to see how excited the archaeologists got when he and his team brought up a set of bones, but if he was honest, he wasn’t a diver so he could do that kind of work. It was all about going where no one had ever been, and only a rare few would ever go.

Down in the caves where there wasn’t anything to think about except the dive, he couldn’t get distracted and didn’t want to be. The quiet and the pressure of the water was meditative, and he always came back up with his heart pounding, more alive than any other time in his life.

The others on his team felt the same way. There were a lot of reasons they worked so well together, and that was one of them. They all knew about the quiet down in the black, even if they never talked about it.

Evan was shaken out of his thoughts when the boat started to slow, and finally came to a stop.

“The mouth of the cave is under that ledge of the reef,” Eione pointed, drawing their attention to a large, brightly colored reef. “You can’t tell from here, but the water is deeper than it looks there, and the cave under is deeper still.”

Evan leaned over the rail and thought he could see the mouth of the cave she was talking about.

At first glance it wasn’t a big opening, but as he looked closer, he realized the cave actually cut under a wide stretch of coral, the entrance bigger than the boat they stood in.

The water faded from the palest crystal blue to the deep sapphire he recognized from his other dives and he wondered how deep the cave actually was. Eione nodded over to a gap in the coral. “Just on the other side of that reef, you can see all the way down. The floor is visible, though it’s very hazy from the surface.”

Evan straightened and looked over at Anita. “Is it okay if I take a quick look?” he asked hopefully. “All I have is snorkel gear, but I should be able to see if there’s anything at the bottom.”

“Get,” Anita said and flapped a hand at him. She reached over to drop the anchor and leaned against the railing. “We’ll watch the boat. I doubt Eione brought a suit and I sure didn’t.”

Eione blushed and shook her head. “I didn’t think to.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Evan said as he pulled out his gear and got it on. “Another time maybe?”

At her slow nod, he threw her a grin before slipping down into the cool water and swimming for the entrance to the cave.

+++

HGE - Riptide

Evan Ross survived what no one before him ever has, and now he’s on the hunt for answers. His only clue is a single word that echoed through the water of a flooded cave.

Breathe.

Under Stone

White Sand Sky

The Hint of Answers

Drift to Home

+++

More Stories!

+++

[thatanonwiththeoc]

Connor MacThomas on: How to Cheer Up Your Girlfriend

A Chouette! fic. Word Count: 1,065

Read on AO3

G’morning everyone. I’ve messed up my sleeping schedule but it was so worth it to crank this one out lmao. They make me so happy ;-;

Connor and Eerie are from Chouette! An original story (not mine!) which you can find here

Anyways, on with the fic!

~~~~~~

Contrary to popular belief, Connor actually had a pretty decent palate.

It was a misconception on his powers, really. His raccoon side didn’t make him love trash; it just enhanced his sensory receptors. Some of which included his hands, and you guessed it: mouth. So, that just meant he had a knack for all things culinary. Some less conventional than others, but the fact remained that Connor loved all things food. The fact that he found even more wonderful things tasty was just an added bonus to his already awesome powers.

His sharp taste proved especially useful when it came to cooking.

Connor hummed to himself as he flicked on the heat. It was a simple enough recipe; one he’d seen online. He glanced at the clock, and he quickly realized that Eerie was going to arrive any minute.

He felt his heart sing at the thought.

Connor was just about finishing up, chopping some chives for a fancy little garnish when he felt small but firm arms wrap around his figure from behind. A familiar swell of love erupted from his chest.

“How was work?” Connor asked. He was able to take the day off after the hell of a stakeout they had the other night. For however messed up his circadian rhythm got, Eerie seemed to make up for it.

“‘Was alright.” Eerie muttered, and he immediately recognized the tone. It was her ‘I Don’t Want To Bother You About It’ tone.

He sighed as he continued slicing at a leisurely pace. There wasn’t any point in trying to force it out of her, but he only wished she could be more open around him. A little encouragement never hurt anyone, right?

“What happened, Eerie?”

Eerie hummed into his back, the sound sending pleasant tingles through his system. He waited a few moments before she spoke up in response.

“Camden stopped by the unit today.”

Connor slammed the knife flat-side down beside the cutting board and turned around to face her, still in her arms.

“He what?!”

Eerie cupped the side of his face, it was something he knew she always did when he was getting worried for her sake. Still, he could feel his tail behind him frazzling in righteous fury. What the hell was he doing showing up at her work all of a sudden? He had no right to be around her anymore. She left already, couldn’t he have just left her at that? As if he hadn’t already caused her enough grief.

“It’s okay, I swear.” She softly angled the side of her mouth in a reassuring smile. “He just said ‘hi’ and then left.”

Connor huffed through his nose. “It’s not him I’m worried about. I’m worried about you.” He ran the back of his knuckle along the side of her face. “Are you okay?”

Eerie smiled up at him, and just the sight of her was enough to quell the boiling in his stomach. All that mattered to him at the moment was her.

Connor nodded softly, their closeness still making itself present in his mind. “Alright.” He said. Eerie took his hand and was about to hold it to her chest when he pulled it away.

“You don’t have to.” He chuckled. “I trust you, don’t worry.” The idea of using his hands as a lie detector on Eerie felt wrong; a breach of trust.

“It’s okay.” Eerie whispered. “I want you to.”

At that, Connor felt his heart melt just a little further.

It was like she knew all of the little tricks to make him fall apart.

But it wasn’t like he was complaining.

Tentatively, he placed a hand over her heart. Eerie responded by pressing her own hand into the back of his gloved one, holding it firmly in place. The little boy in Connor always screamed and leapt for joy whenever they got intimate like this. He loved it every single time she let him be close to her in both the biggest and smallest of ways. Whether that be in the innocent embraces or the deepest of kisses they shared.

Connor made sure to relish in the comforting warmth that Eerie was pouring out to him. It wouldn’t be exactly accurate to call him an empath, but it wasn’t that far off either.

He removed the hand and placed it around her hip as he held her chin between his thumb and forefinger with his other. Eerie, ever the world’s smartest and fastest-thinking detective, followed his lead and brushed her lips against his.

The kiss was chaste; sweet. Yet all the same, it flooded his senses even better than anything else ever could.

When they pulled away, he took a dive into her eyes.

And boy, did he dive.

“I love you.” She breathed more than whispered. “So much.”

“And I love you too. I always will.” Connor chuckled low, their noses grazing against each other at the movement. “Even through the times where it’ll be hard for you to love me back.”

Eerie hummed in peaceful contentment.

Mission: Accomplished.

“What are you cooking?”

“Jus’ some pasta.” He stated.

Eerie’s lips formed a smirk. “Are you trying to kiss me ‘Lady and the Tramp’ style?”

“Uh….” He trailed off. Crap, he was really hoping she wouldn’t have caught onto that. By now, he should’ve learned to cut his losses when it came to surprises with Eerie. But he still kept trying. One of these days, he was really going to get her. Maybe in the form of an important question, but that was neither here nor there. “I’ve been caught?”

Eerie giggled, the sound ringing through his ears like the most wonderful melody. Connor was so glad he was able to be the person she needed at the end of the day. How he was able to become that was beyond him, but he was never going to take it for granted. She was worth the struggle. No- they were worth the struggle. The struggle that was two imperfect souls dancing through the floor that was called romance.

Dancing to their favorite, cheesy songs.

“Hey.” Connor brushed a stray hair behind her ear, accidentally catching the faintest drops of unconditional love and admiration at the contact. If his heart wasn’t doing backflips before, it was absolutely freakin’ doing somersaults in the air now.

“Stay the night?” He asked.

Eerie smiled.

“Okay.”

[ericsonclan]

A Visit to the Bakery

Summary: Minnie goes out to buy some bread and meets someone very special in the process.

Word Count: 2905 

Read on A03: 

Minnie rose with the dawn. It was how she had lived her entire life no matter the circumstances. Living on the street, she’d been sure to wake first each morning to go scouting for food and supplies for the other street rats. She would wake Sophie and they’d head out together, searching for whatever measly scraps they could to survive another day. When she and Sophie were taken by pirates and later on during her time with Lilly and the Delta pirates, Minnie had been expected to pull her weight each and every second of every day. There was never any rest, no time for reflection on the hell her life had become, no peace.

Now she awoke in her own bed, feeling the sun’s rays warm her face as she shuffled out from under her covers. She had a bed of her own for the first time in her life and a roof over her head. She even had her brother back by her side. Tenn was sleeping peacefully in his own bed, a calm smile on his face. She’d let him sleep a bit longer before waking him and asking if he’d like to go to the market with her. Minnie’s eyes drifted over to third bed in the room, now empty. She missed having Sophie around each and every day, but to know that she was living her life doing what brought her the most joy gave Minnie a deeper sense of happiness than she’d felt in the last several years.

Rising to make the morning tea, Minnie tucked her bedsheets back in place, moving around softly for fear of waking Tenn up. He had always been an extremely light sleeper. Minnie approached the cupboard in search of the kettle. One of the pans slid against another as she pulled them out, causing Tenn to stir in his sleep. His chin raised, revealing the beginning of the scar that ran from the base of his chin to the top of his cheekbone. It still haunted her that she’d giving him that mark, taking off a piece of his ear in the process. Tenn had told her countless times that it didn’t matter to him, that the scar had no effect on his own life or happiness, but it still served as a constant reminder of the person Minnie had let herself become.

It was strange living in this cottage, carrying out a peaceful existence by the sea, when their very benefactors were those she had hurt the most. Minnie wondered where they were now. They’d visited a few months ago, so it was probably nowhere nearby. Sophie was likely up by now as well, sketching the sunrise or helping with the morning chores. Minnie hoped the others were doing well too: Mitch, Violet, Willy. The last time she’d seen them, Willy had sprouted up to nearly her height. She’d wanted to say something to him about how much he’d grown, but she saw the fear in his eyes when he looked her way. As much as she might wish them well, Minnie understood why the other street rats no longer trusted her. She’d harmed them too much for things to ever be the way they used to be between them.

She still had her siblings though: Tenn in body and Sophie in spirit. Knowing her sister loved her despite all she had done gave Minnie hope whenever the despair and self-loathing became too much to bear. Taking a seat at the table, Minnie pulled her hurdy gurdy into her lap, playing a short tune as she waited for the water to come to a boil. Sophie had picked the instrument up for Minnie on a whim one day at the market. Minnie hadn’t know what to do with it at the time, but over the months her fingers had began to master the dexterity needed to pluck at its strings and direct the crank embedded in its side at the same time. The tune she played was soft, haunting. It was a ballad she’d heard long ago and had been trying to remember.

The whistle of the teapot went off, bright and cheery. Minnie set aside the hurdy gurdy, rushing to take the kettle off the heat to quiet it. Tenn was already stirring too much though; he was truly awake now. After a few moments he entered the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of one of his eyes.

“Morning,” His voice had grown deeper over the years as he’d grown, but his voice held the same comforting cadence it always had.

“Good morning. Sorry I woke you,” Minnie placed tea leaves to steep within the water then went searching through the cupboards for something suitable for breakfast. “We should have enough for today, but it’s looking like we’ll need to do another market run soon. Would you be interested in coming with me?” Minnie popped her head out of the cupboard to catch Tenn glancing wistfully out the window. “If you don’t, it’s fine,”

“Oh, I can go with you, Minnie” Tenn’s tone was sincere, but Minnie knew him too well to not recognize when he was hiding something.

“You already have other plans, don’t you?”

“It’s just… the sky is so clear today.  Was hoping to finish that painting I set aside weeks ago. I haven’t seen that same hue in forever,”

“You should go for it then,” Minnie pulled some bread and cheese from the cupboard, cutting them into slices. “I know how much it’s been eating away at you not being able to finish it. Besides, we could use more pieces to sell anyway,” They did their selling on different days than their shopping. They’d head down in the next couple days to set up their stall and sell their crafts and wares.

“Thanks, Minnie. You always know just what I’m thinking,”

“That’s a big sister’s job, silly. Now let’s eat,”

---

After a pleasant breakfast Minnie bid Tenn farewell and headed out with the large wicker basket to restock their food. Walking down the path from their cottage, she could feel the sea breeze brush at her bangs. The smell was as salty and rich as ever. Despite all the horrors she’d suffered in her life on sea, Minnie still found herself fond of the smell. There was always the promise of something new in the air when living by the shore. She was glad they’d been able to find an isolated plot as well. Even in a quiet port town, Minnie often found the presence of so many strangers overwhelming. Years of bodily and emotional trauma had left her with a limited amount of energy each day. Most times Minnie fell short of what she wanted to accomplish each day because of the chronic fatigue. She preferred the peace and familiarity of her newfound home to the streets of Halverport, but the shopping needed to get done.

Walking familiar streets, Minnie followed her regular route to get everything that was needed. Most of the sellers were familiar with her now, but Minnie still noticed the stares of passerby as they caught sight of her scarred face. She couldn’t blame them. The burn marks were severe, far worse than you’d expect to see on a young woman attending the market. Minnie had accepted them long ago as an everlasting symbol of her betrayal. She’d earned them in the same fire that took most of Violet’s sight. It was only right for her to bear the weight of that guilt in physical form, not simply within. Still, the stares wore her down. They were the only reason Minnie occasionally considered growing her hair out to better hide those scars. Instead she kept her head low and focused on the task at hand.

She’d almost found everything she needed when Minnie found herself stuck on the last item on her list: bread. She’d planned to drop by the normal stall she frequented where the sweet old lady that ran it always slipped an extra roll or two into the basket for her and Tenn. However, the woman was nowhere to be seen today. Minnie hoped she was alright. She didn’t want to travel all the way back up to the cottage with no bread, so she’d have to venture further and find another seller. Swallowing a lump in her throat, Minnie made her way further into the village, hoping the search wouldn’t be long.

Luckily, she was able to spot a bakery only a few streets over from where she usually shopped. Minnie stepped inside hesitantly, hoping the prices wouldn’t be too high and she could at least get enough for her and Tenn until selling day rolled round again. The shop was quiet as she entered, likely having just opened given the early hour. Was there anyone in here at all? Where was the seller?

“Hello?” Minnie called, her throat feeling dry and her voice rather rough.

A girl immediately emerged from the back room, brushing flour off of her hands. She looked to be about Minnie’s age, with warm brown eyes and hair that was pulled to the side in a bun decorated by a single flower. Her face was still covered in flour, but she seemed unaware as she smiled at Minnie. “Well, look at you! A new face come to frequent my bakery! Don’t get a lot of those around here,”

“The woman I usually buy from wasn’t there and-” Minnie cut herself off. This girl didn’t need to hear the entire story, just her order. “I’ll take three loaves of bread please,”

“Alright, what kind? Rye? Wheat? Pumpernickel? Sourdough? Baguettes?” the girl prattled on for a minute before her face fell slightly, recognizing that she was overwhelming Minnie with the list. “Oops, I got ahead of myself, didn’t I? You probably just want some brown bread, am I right?”

Minnie nodded silently. “If you don’t mind,”

“Of course not! Anything for a customer. You know what…” the girl looked around for a moment at her empty store then lifted the part of the counter that could be raised to step through, motioning for Minnie to follow. “Since you’re an early bird, why don’t you come on into the back room and pick out the loaves you like best?”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly…”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun! I’ll even throw in some free samples!” The girl was smiling so brightly at Minnie she couldn’t find it in herself to say no. Awkwardly she stepped forward, following her to the back room. “I should probably introduce myself,” the girl called back as she led the way. “My name’s Renata. Yours?”

“Minerva,”

“That’s a pretty name. It suits you,”

“T-thanks,” Minnie found herself distracted as they entered the back room. There were dozens of racks everywhere full of all sorts of breads, sweets and other delicacies.

Renata looked around the room with a proud smile. “Magnificent, isn’t it? Back when my parents ran the place we used to be able to fill up the entire room, but I think I get by alright,”

Oh. Were her parents dead then? Was it expected to say something in condolence to her? Before Minnie could think on the matter further, a warm roll was thrust into her hands.

“Here. Something to munch on while you look around,”

Minnie slowly bit in. The warmth of the bread immediately filled her mouth, filling her with a sort of comfort deep inside. Minnie found a smile crossing her lips, mirroring Renata’s own smile in some small way.

“Good, right? Secret family recipe,” Renata lifted a finger to her lips, winking playfully at Minnie.

Minnie swallowed too fast and choked a bit on her mouthful of bread.

“Are you OK? I’ll get some water,” Renata rushed to get a cup, offering it to Minnie before she’d had time to regain her composure. All she could do was nod and accept it gratefully.

“So, Minnie, tell me about yourself. You can’t have grown up around here, so what brings you to Halverport? Do you live here?”

“Up in the hills along the shore,” Minnie answered. The roll had already been consumed. She meant to start looking for the loaves she needed, but Renata had already placed something new within her hand, this time a sticky bun.

“I love it up there!” Renata exclaimed. She gave an encouraging nod when Minnie looked unsure about the bun. “Sometimes I climb up that way to bother all the seagulls. I didn’t know there was anyone living up that way,”

“Not many do,” Minnie took a bite of the bun and her eyes widened in surprise. It was utterly delicious, even more so than the bread. Renata grinned as she saw Minnie take another excited bite.

“The buns are my favorite. The secret is cinnamon, but a healthy dose of sugar also helps,”

That must be it. Minnie had hardly ever had any sugar in her life. Being given something so sweet and syrupy out of the blue was an unexpected gift. Or was it a gift? Minnie eyed Renata with caution. What did this girl want? Minnie clearly didn’t have the look of someone with money. Did she want a favor then? The bun was already gone, decimated in the throes of Minnie’s excitement. “I can pay for that,” Minnie offered.

Renata waved a hand dismissively. “Like I said, they’re free samples. It’s nice having company in the kitchen again. I should probably get you that bread though, huh?” Renata grinned sheepishly and Minnie found herself regretting that she’d gotten her back on task.

They headed over to the regular loaves. Renata motioned at them grandly. “Take your pick,” she said, stepping to the side.

Minnie certainly wasn’t a bread connoisseur. She picked up a loaf or two, tapping on it then placing it back. Was that the way to test bread? She caught Renata smirking and immediately felt her face burn in embarrassment.

“Want me to pick the best ones out?” Renata offered.

“Please,”

As Renata leaned forward, rummaging through the bread racks, Minnie caught a whiff of something that reminded her of the sticky bun from minutes ago. It couldn’t be the bread though; they were a good distance away from the sweets section. What was that special ingredient Renata had spoken of? Cinnamon. The answer came back to Minnie all of a sudden. She looked over at Renata who was busy critiquing the loaves intently. She smells like cinnamon .

“Here we go!” Renata declared, holding forth three loaves of brown bread in her hands. “The best of the day,”

“I’ll take them,” Minnie began to transfer them over to her basket. She was taken by surprise when Renata used her now free hands to grab hold of Minnie’s and pull her back over to where the sweets lay.

“I’m gonna give you a few more goodies for the road. Gotta make sure you come back for repeat business. And I won’t take no for an answer,” Without waiting to hear Minnie’s protests, Renata began stuffing treats into the top of her basket. She stopped for a moment, looking up at Minnie. “Is it just you at home or do you have family?”

“Just my brother at home,”

“Then I’ll have to pack extra for him!” Renata picked up a loaf and displayed it proudly. “I’ve been told my banana bread’s the best in town. It’s cuz of the cinnamon again…” her voice dropped down to a conspiratorial whisper. “But don’t tell anyone, k?”

“O-OK,” Minnie couldn’t help but feel flustered as she smiled back at Renata. She’d just come here for some loaves of bread. What was even going on? “I should probably get going. My brother will be wondering where I am,”

Renata’s face fell at the news. “Oh… ok. I’ll see you out then,” Quietly she made her way to the front, Minnie following closely behind. Had she insulted Renata by saying she had to leave?

Minnie looked back worriedly once she’d stepped through the divide between the front and back of the store. She found Renata smiling just as brightly as ever though.

“Come back anytime, OK? I want to hear what your brother thinks of my famous banana bread,”

“Will do,” Minnie felt the tension leaving her gut knowing she hadn’t overstepped after all. “Thank you for all the free samples,”

“It was my pleasure,” Renata reached up to itch her nose and looked at her hand in surprise when she saw all the flour on it. “Gosh, have I had this much flour on my face the entire time? I must’ve looked like a clown!”

“No, I thought you looked nice,” Minnie froze at her words. What was she even saying?

The sentiment seemed to be appreciated by Renata though. She smiled brightly at Minnie’s words. “Really? I’ve have to be wearing more next time you come by then too,”

“Alright then,” Minnie wasn’t sure why she was agreeing, but who cared at this point? Nothing seemed to faze Renata anyway. With a final wave, Minnie exited the store. Her feet felt light under her feet as she started the walk home. Usually a grocery run like this would have completely wiped her out for the rest of the day, but Minnie felt a renewed sense of energy now. She wanted to play music or paint… something. She was feeling inspired.

[visander]

Digital Paradise | Read on ao3

Read part one | Ao3, tumblr. 

Alec knew his boyfriend made music. He just didn’t know other people knew Magnus made music.

Or, how Alec Lightwood finally figured out that his boyfriend is famous and how he started a storm on twitter in the process.

In hindsight, Magnus being famous made a lot of sense.

Magnus and Alec didn’t really go out for dates. The couple of times they had, Magnus had taken Alec to a fancy restaurant where he’d made reservations beforehand. They were always sat somewhere in the back, somewhere private. At the time, Alec had just thought Magnus was trying to impress him. He’d also thought maybe Magnus was hoping they’d get up to something in the back of the restaurant but Alec wasn’t comfortable enough kissing in public to ever make a move.

He was happy he hadn’t now. He doubted Magnus would have been upset but Alec would have been a little embarrassed knowing that wasn’t what he had been trying to insinuate with the private location. They also didn’t go out in public much at all, even for simple things. When they went to get coffee in the morning, Alec would run in alone or they’d go to the drive through.

Alec had written that off as Magnus not wanting to get dressed in the morning. Which was fair but it was other things too. Magnus didn’t go grocery shopping with him. The one time he had, it had been so late and he kept his sunglasses on the whole time they were inside. Alec thought it was weird but still, he hadn’t asked.

It wasn’t that Magnus had been lying to him or trying to hide anything. Alec had just  been so oblivious. Magnus even told him once when Alec asked why he didn’t want to come inside when they were ordering food. He said, ‘I don’t want anyone to recognize me right now.’

That should have been the day Alec put it together. That should have been the day he realized Magnus was famous and asked more questions. Instead, Alec had thought maybe he knew someone who worked inside. Maybe an ex, he remembered assuming. He hadn’t wanted to press for more details. He just went and got their food.

Now, Magnus wasn’t innocent either. Magnus admitted that he knew Alec didn’t understand how famous he was and he’d never gone out of his way to try and explain it. Weeks after Alec had outed them on twitter, they sat curled together getting drunk off wine while Magnus explained, laughing, ‘I just thought you didn’t understand how famous I was. I didn’t realize you didn’t know I was famous at all.’

Magnus insisted he’d have explained it to him, had he known. It was a big decision, deciding to be public with someone who was as famous as Magnus was and Alec had made that decision completely unknowingly. Alec’s life was different now, just because he was Magnus’ partner.

Magnus had been scared he would regret it but Alec never did. It was nice to understand Magnus’ life more and it was kind of nice that so many people Alec didn’t know knew he was Magnus’ boyfriend. Even if Alec was never remembered as anything else, ‘Magnus’ boyfriend’ wasn’t a bad thing to be known for.

For a while, Alec’s interaction with Magnus’ fame had been limited to online. Alec used twitter now, or he tried to remember to. He had never been great with social media but he posted pictures of his cat sometimes. He posted one of Magnus and Church, which everyone had really liked. He also asked questions about internet things he didn’t understand. All of Magnus’ fans were more than willing to explain stuff to him.

Then, Magnus’ fans had bled into Alec’s real life. The first time it happened, Alec had been running to the store for Izzy. It was late. Alec had been working all day. It was one of the rare days where he hadn’t gotten dressed and straightened out his hair before he went to his desk.

In other words, Alec didn’t look too hot when he ran into the store. His hair was a mess. He’d thrown on pants but he was wearing a loose almost dirty t-shirt. He’d just been running in because Izzy asked him to buy her some tampons.

He hadn’t expected anyone to recognize him at the store. So, of course someone had. He’d been cradling a box of tampons, a pint of ice cream, a bag of jelly beans and a little chocolate rose Alec had found when suddenly, someone next to him had almost screeched.

“You’re Magnus Bane’s boyfriend!”

Alec had spun and the look on his face was so bewildered that the person who’d spoken, a girl about Izzy’s age, looked a little apologetic.

“Sorry!” She continued, pulling out her phone as she kept speaking. “I’m just a huge fan of Magnus. You guys are so sweet.” She held up her phone questioningly and Alec blinked at it, not understanding what she was possibly indicating. “Could I have a picture?” She asked finally.

Oh. For a moment, Alec was still confused. He understood that Magnus was famous. He got why people would want to take photos with him but he was no one. He was just Magnus’ boyfriend. Why would anyone want to take a photo with him? “Okay.” Alec said, frowning a little.

The girl was clearly put off by Alec’s expression. He was about to reassure her again that it was okay if she really wanted a picture but she lowered her phone a little and then spoke less excitedly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.” She said rather politely.

“No.” Alec shook his head, his eyes widening a little. “I’ve just-” Alec fumbled with his words for a second, shifting the stuff he was holding in his hands so he wouldn't drop them. The last thing he needed was tampons covering the floor. “No one had ever asked me that before.” He explained finally, attempting a smile that probably came off a little more chaotic than he had planned.

This time, it was the girls turn to look surprised. “Oh.” Her expression brightened into a smile once again as she laughed. “Well, I’m honored to be the first to ask.”

Alec practically sighed with relief as she spoke. He hadn’t upset her.

Before Alec could even contemplate how he must look right now, she held up her phone, giving Alec just enough time to try to smile before she took the picture, thanked him and darted away. Alec found himself left standing in the center of the isle, still clutching all his things.

Alec raced to check out. He jittered in line until he could put all his stuff down, ask the clerk how she was, pay and then race outside. The second he reached his car, he tossed his stuff into the passenger’s seat and he called Magnus.

Magnus was away (working on a new album, Alec now understood). Alec had told him before he’d gone in the store that he’d call him when he got home, so when Magnus answered he was understandably a little caught off guard.

“Hello, Darling.” He’d cooed in that tone that normally made Alec feel like he was melting inside. “You’re home already?”

“No, I’m in my car.” Alec spit out and before Magnus could process that sentence, he kept speaking. “I met someone in the store who likes you. I was shopping for Izzy and I was holding a bunch of stuff. I didn’t do my hair today and I didn’t change my shirt. You’d have hated the shirt I was wearing.” He was pretty sure Magnus had said so the last time he’d seen him wearing it and that was before it was due for a wash. “Then this girl asked if she could take a picture with me and I think I upset her for a second but then she took the picture and she seemed happy and she ran away.” Alec took a deep breath he didn’t realize he hadn’t paused to take the whole time he’d been rambling.

On the other end of the line, Magnus also stayed silent as he assumably tried to process everything Alec had said. “Okay…” He said slowly. “So, you met a fan and took a picture?” He summarized.

“Yes.”

“And this…” Magnus trailed off for a second as he audibly tried to piece together Alec’s frantic nature. “-this upset you?” He questioned finally.

“No.” Alec exclaimed instantly. After he said it, he paused and questioned himself. “Well, if I had known someone would want to take a picture with me I’d have tried to look better. I was holding a bunch of stuff and I was dirty and my hair wasn’t done-”

On the other end of the phone, Alec heard Magnus laugh. “Darling, your bedhead is a sight to behold. I’m sure you looked absolutely adorable.”

Alone in his car, Alec blushed. Quietly, he asked. “You’re not upset I made you look bad?”

Magnus’ answer was instant. “Of course not.”

Alec took another grounding breath and all at once, he felt better. “Okay…” Peering around his car, Alec caught sight of the pint of ice cream that was probably completely melted in the New York summer heat. “Oh god, I forgot I bought Izzy ice cream. I have to go.”

“Alright.” Magnus responded, sounding as relieved as Alec did that he was no longer stressed out about this. “Get Izzy her ice cream. Call me when you get home.”

Alec sat the ice cream up, hoping nothing would leak out onto his seats. He turned his car on and cranked the AC before he reached to end the call. “I will. I-” Alec cut himself off before he kept speaking, realizing last second that he almost said something that he’d only thought in his head before. “I miss you.” He amended. “I'll call you soon.”

Alec hung up before Magnus could respond and then he groaned. It was far too earlier for him to almost slip up and say something like that to Magnus. Far far too early. Alec put his car into drive and started heading towards Izzy’s, gnawing at his lip all the while.

“You almost said you love him?” Izzy asked with wide eyes. She was sitting up on the couch, eating the mostly melted pint of ice cream while Alec tried to melt into the chair he was in. “Alec!”

“I know!” Alec groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“How long have you been dating?” She asked, even though Alec knew she knew the answer. She was far too invested in Alec’s love life to not remember how long they had been together.

“Three months.” Alec mumbled anyway.

“Alec!” She snapped again. “Oh god, you’re going to be one of those guys to say it for the first time during sex.”

“I am not!” Alec rebutted instantly even though he wasn’t quite sure it was true. Now that he had almost said it once, he was scared when it would try to slip out next. “I wouldn't want to say it then! He’d think I only said it because we were having sex.”

“You almost said it because you were distracted that a fan spoke to you.”

Groaning louder, Alec sunk a little further in his seat until he was almost comically sprawled over. “I know. I’m screwed. I’m going to say it and I’m going to scare him off.”

Izzy thought about it for a moment as she ate the ice cream soup Alec had bought. “Well-” She said, gesturing with her spoon. “He has to feel strongly about you to be okay with everyone knowing you’re dating. That’s a big deal, Alec. If he didn’t think he was going to stay with you, he probably would have been upset when everyone found out.”

That was true but Izzy was forgetting that Magnus hadn’t decided to tell everyone about them. “I did that though.” Alec insisted instantly. “It was too late to take it back when Magnus found out. I had already posted it. I didn’t even ask him-”

“You didn’t know.” Izzy pointed out calmly.

Alec ignored her. “Maybe he was upset about it and he just didn’t say.”

“Magnus did choose to retweet it and tell everyone it was true. He could have retweeted it and just said you were some random guy, if he really wanted to.”

Frowning, Alec nodded. “Yeah, I guess. That doesn’t mean he’s ready for me to tell him I love him.”

“So…” Alec could hear the smile in Izzy’s tone before she even finished her sentence. “You meant it? You love him?”

Groaning, Alec stood up. “I told Magnus I’d call him when I got home. I have to go.” He said quickly, not meeting her eyes as he snatched his jacket up and started moving towards the door.

“Right.” She said, mockingly. “Just don't tell him that you love him.”

“Yes, thank you for the reminder Izzy.” Alec mumbled as he shoved her front door open and walked through it. He was such a good brother. He went to the store for Izzy. He got her whatever he wanted and all he got in return was mocked.

“Thank you big brother!” She yelled after the closing door.

Alec did not say ‘you’re welcome’ but then in the car, he felt a little bad. ‘I’ll call you later.’ He texted her. ‘Sorry the ice cream was melted.’

He also noticed that he had a notification from Magnus. Izzy had shown Alec how to manage his notifications, so he wasn’t overwhelmed with everyone and he could just focus on the ones that mattered- aka, the ones from Magnus.

‘I knew you looked adorable.’ Magnus had written above the photo of Alec and the girl that had somehow made it onto twitter and already gotten a lot of attention in such a short amount of time. Alec looked down to the photo and grimaced. He looked less than adorable but he scrolled up and read Magnus’ words again instead of looking at the photo any longer.

As long as Magnus somehow thought he was cute, that was all that mattered. Alec hearted it.

For a couple of days, it seemed like all was well. Alec didn’t slip up and tell Magnus he loved him, even though he was exceptionally worried about it. Magnus had been away all week though. The real test would be that night, when Magnus was coming back to New York and more specifically, coming back to Alec’s apartment.

If there was anytime Alec would slip up and say it, it would be to Magnus’ face. It was hard to think straight around Magnus, let alone try to censor any thoughts that tried to come out of his mouth. Alec had said such stupid things to Magnus before. ‘I love your face.’ He’d said once because obviously that was smooth as hell.

A couple of hours before Magnus was due to land, Alec distracted himself by making dinner. There was never a more romantic time to accidentally and completely inappropriately blurt out ‘I love you’ then over a homemade dinner. At least maybe Magnus would be distracted by the good food.

That was Alec’s thought but then he overcooked the chicken, so the only thing Magnus would be distracted by was the bad homemade food.

Alec had timed it so that dinner would be done right around when Magnus would be getting there but then, Magnus’ flight was delayed so Alec had an hour to kill while his overcooked chicken got cold. Reasonably, he decided to go through his twitter notifications.

He got so many that he couldn’t go through and talk to everyone but he tried, especially if someone in particular was being really nice. He felt bad ignoring people even though Magnus told him he didn’t have to.

Alec went through and hearted a few comments people had left on his last post and then, his eyes started to catch something else he was being tagged in. Alec frowned before he clicked on one of the notifications randomly. Instantly, he was greeted with that horrible photo of himself that Magnus had thought was ‘adorable’.

Alec scrolled until he could see all the replies people had left on it. Instantly, Alec was frowning a little deeper. There were normal comments, some talking about Alec’s messy hair and how sweet he looked (none about his shirt, thankfully) but then, Alec noticed that there were a lot of comments about what he was holding.

The tampons, the ice cream, the candy and the chocolate rose he’d got Izzy. Alec hasn’t had a place to put them down or time to really think about if he should. The girl had just asked for a photo and she’d taken it. Alec had been more concerned with his appearance than what he was buying but now, as Alec read what people were saying, he realized for the first time that it did look a little odd.

Magnus’ fans knew he was away for the week. He’d been posting about it and putting videos on snapchat (another app Alec hadn’t even attempted to use). It was also clear Alec had not gone with him. So, for a photo to surface of Alec holding rather… feminine supplies along with a romantic looking chocolate rose.

Alec groaned loudly. Of course, it looked like Alec had been going to see a woman. He had been but that woman had been his sister. Magnus’ fans clearly didn’t know that. Alec was aggravated at first but as he kept reading through the comments, his aggravated bled into something else.

Before Alec knew it, he had frustrated tears in his eyes. He and Magnus had been dating for nearly three months. Alec had only been publicly dating Magnus for a little over a month and already, he’d messed up. Already, he’d made trouble.

Alec knew Magnus wouldn’t actually think he was going to see some mystery woman. Magnus knew he was buying all that for Izzy but Magnus’ fans still thought he hadn’t been. Magnus’ fans still saw that photo and thought Alec had been sneaking around Magnus’ back, only to be caught when someone happened to recognize him and ask for a photo.

Some people had even started commenting on all those crying faces they normally put when Alec did something nice (Magnus said they were nice crying because Alec was sweet. Alec didn't get it), lamenting on how they had thought Alec was so nice. Key word, thought.

By the time Magnus’ flight landed and he texted Alec that he was on the way, Alec was brushing away tears as he texted him back.

Alec didn’t cry easily. He wasn’t a baby. He wasn’t exceptionally emotional either but the thought of all of Magnus’ fans thinking he’d cheat on Magnus broke his heart. He’d never cheat on Magnus and to even think people would think he would-

Alec brushed another stray tear aside. It wasn’t good for Magnus either, for everyone to think his boyfriend was an asshole. He was probably getting so many messages about it. Everyone was going to focus on that and not on the music Magnus was making. He was probably going to lose money.

Alec’s plan had been to compose himself before Magnus got there but he’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed how much time had gone by until he heard the knock on his door. Alec shoved his phone into his pocket and tried frantically to brush his tears away before he darted towards the door.

He might have taken a second to try to compose himself a little further, if he realized quite how bad he looked but the only thing he’d been thinking about was that he couldn’t make Magnus wait in the hallway after an eight hour flight.

Alec pulled the door open and tried to smile at the sight of his boyfriend on the other side.

Magnus was grinning. He darted forward before he really seemed to take in Alec’s face and wrapped his arms around his neck as he dropped his bags. “Alexander.”

Alec melted into the touch instantly. A soft sigh left his lips and he tilted his head into the curve of Magnus’ neck. “Hey.” He murmured, trying to sound a little more casual than he felt.

It was either his weak ‘hey’ or the fact that Alec didn’t let go to let Magnus come inside that seemed to tip Magnus off that something was wrong. Magnus hugged him a little tighter and Alec felt one of his hands gently rub his back. “Is something wrong?” Magnus asked, finally pulling away to look at Alec’s face.

Alec wasn’t crying anymore but when Magnus asked, Alec’s face crumpled. “No, I just-” Alec moved quickly, hoping maybe Magnus wouldn’t see the look on his face. It was obvious Magnus had. “Come inside, let me get your bags.” Alec said, already turning to grab them.

Magnus stepped inside and let Alec grab his bags without a word but Alec could tell by the way that Magnus hovered there that he hadn’t bought Alec’s casual facade.

Alec moved and put his bags inside before closing the door. He faced the doorway for a few moments longer then was probably normal, hoping he could somehow get his expression under control.

“What’s wrong, Alec?” Magnus asked, moving to touch Alec’s back again. Magnus knew Alec loved it when Magnus touched his back.

“People think I cheated on you.” Alec blurted out without turning. “-because of what I was holding in that photo with that girl. They think I’m cheating on you and that I was going to see someone.” His voice was riddled with guilt as he spoke and he sounded like he was on the verge of tears again.

Instantly, Magnus chuckled. It was a soft sound, like he was trying to stifle it and be respectful of Alec’s feelings but it was a chuckle nonetheless. “That’s what you’re all upset about?” He asked, moving forward to wrap his arms completely around Alec’s waist and nuzzle into the side of his neck.

Alec took in a deep shaky breath, almost sighing at the scent of Magnus’ cologne.

“People are always going to assume a lot of things.” Magnus murmured against Alec’s neck. “That’s just what happens when you’re in the public eye. I posted a photo a few months ago and I was wearing red lipstick, so everyone assumed Camille and I were back together.” Magnus pressed a quick abrupt kiss against Alec’s neck. “People assume things all the time. It’s just what happens.”

Magnus pulled away and grabbed Alec’s arm to spin him, so they were facing each other again. “Now, why did that upset you so much?” He asked, moving to kiss Alec on the tip of his nose.

Alec wanted a real kiss but Magnus seemed to want an answer before he’d be willing to give it to him. “I just don’t like people thinking I’d do that to you.” Alec said finally, clutching Magnus’ hand as he looked down to the floor. “I don’t like upsetting the people that like you and support you.”

Magnus hummed and raised an eyebrow. “Would it make you feel better if I posted something and explained you were going to see your sister?”

Slowly, Alec nodded. “I guess so.”

“Okay then.” Magnus smiled like everything was okay again and Alec supposed it almost was. Finally, Magnus moved forward to kiss him and when he pulled away, he pressed his hand against the side of Alec’s face, cupping his smile. “Feel better now?”

Alec nodded, a little embarrassed now that he’d been upset at all.

“Good.” Magnus let go of him and moved to kick off his shoes and shrug off his jacket. “Whatever you made smells heavenly.” He said, instantly moving towards the kitchen.

“I overcooked the chicken.” Alec said, following after him. He was less upset about his poor job cooking of the chicken too. It was just easier to be less upset about stuff when Magnus was around.

“I’m sure it’s far better than what I ate on the plane.” Magnus said, already moving to lift the pan cover and snatch a piece of chicken out of it to put in his mouth. Instantly, he moaned like it was the most heavenly thing he’d ever put in his mouth.

Alec rolled his eyes. He knew it wasn’t that good and it was lukewarm by now anyway. “You’re being dramatic.” He accused him as he moved to heat it up again.

“I’m never dramatic about your cooking.” Magnus responded instantly.

Alec smiled wordlessly, leaving the pan on the stove to warm up as he turned to watch his boyfriend. Magnus moved and settled at the kitchen counter, leaning over on his hands as he stared back at him. “We could eat it cold, you know. I wouldn’t mind.”

Instantly, Alec’s face scrunched up. “I would mind.”

This time, it was Magnus’ turn to roll his eyes.

Alec wasn’t exactly sure why he decided it was okay in that moment. It was like the people on twitter or the food he’d overcooked. When Magnus wasn’t around, it was easy to over think everything until he drove himself insane but when Magnus was there, it was like everything was so much simpler. Everything just felt right.

“I love you.” He said simply, like it hadn’t been an internal struggle for days not to accidentally say it to him.

Magnus blinked. It seemed like it took him a moment to even process what Alec said but when he did, he looked shocked.

It wasn’t really the best time for Alec to say it for the first time. He could have chosen a time that was a little more romantic but it just felt right to say it now and Alec didn’t even regret it. It was true. Why shouldn’t he say it?

“I love you too.” Magnus said finally.

They stared at each other for a long tender moment before Alec smiled. “Good.” He said, nodding to himself as it would cover his stupid happy grin. Alec turned to stir the food so it wouldn’t burn but he knew that behind him, Magnus was grinning too.

“I’ll get the plates.” Magnus said after a moment had passed and then Alec heard him moving to pull the plates out. He didn’t even have to ask where they were. He knew by now.

Alec wondered for a moment how it would work, if they decided to move in together. He wondered if they’d find someplace new. Alec thought his apartment might be a little too small for both of them and Magnus’ penthouse was never really a comfortable space for either of them. It was pre-decorate, very nice and fancy admittedly but nothing like a home. He wondered if Magnus would even want to move in with him and then, he chastised himself.

He shouldn't be thinking about it right now. He didn’t want Magnus to think he was moving too fast.

[waywardaardvark79]

Come Hell or High Water Part 4: Sprinkles

Summary: Blackwick, Montana was going to be a fresh start for you and your five year old daughter. You moved in across the street from Officer Dean Winchester, and quickly found that you were able to help him. Will Dean be able to help you when your past comes back to haunt you?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: None

                         One week later

           Sam had returned to work five days ago. Every morning before his shift he would bring Dean over, sometimes as early as 5:30, so you had given him a key so that he could get in himself without waking you and Aj. 

However, as quiet as they tried to be you always knew  exactly when they got there, your eyes cracking open the minute the door was opened. Some days you would lay awake in bed until you heard Aj get up, but most days you would get up and go have coffee with Dean. 

You had learned quite a bit about him and Sam. He told you about his accident, how he and Rocky were up on one of the less used mountain roads, searching for a suspect, when the guy came out of nowhere, and struck Dean's side of his cruiser. The impact sent his patrol car over the guardrail and down a steep decline, the car rolling the entire time. Dean told you how Rocky managed to get out of the special compartment for canines in the back, and walked until he found some of the other officers searching the scene. Dean said he led them back to him, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up in the hospital. He told you how the damage to Rocky's leg was so bad that the vet decided that the best thing to do was to amputate it. 

You listened to all of his stories intently, finding yourself growing more attached to him by the day, but you kept your cards close and your walls high, not willing to reveal too much about yourself just yet.

        That morning you rolled over in bed and looked at the clock. It was 6:45, and Sam and Dean wasn't there yet. You didn't have work today so you decided to stay in the shorts and tank top you slept in. Knowing that Aj would be up soon, you headed downstairs to start breakfast. 

You started a pot of coffee, pulled some bacon and eggs from the fridge, and cranked up the little radio you kept on the counter. Aj joined you a few moments later, her hair matted from sleep, and climbed up on one of the stools at the bar, helping you sing along to every song that played as you cooked.

              Sam and Dean were greeted by loud music and the even louder sound of your voice as you sang along,  the minute they got inside your door. The song ended and another started up, as Sam started to push Dean into the kitchen. Dean quickly recognized the tune and help up his hand for Sam to stop, wanting you to continue without knowing he was there. Sam looked down at Dean silently questioning what  he was doing, Dean held up one finger until you started singing and Sam got the picture, and pushed him right outside the kitchen doorway. 

"You know sometimes, I don't know why, but this old town just seems so hopeless. I ain't really sure, but it seems I remember the good times were just a little bit more in focus, but when she puts her arms around me I can somehow rise above it. Yeah, man, when I got that little girl standin' right by my side you know, I can tell the whole wide world to shove it, hey!" you sang out, Aj's little voice joining in when she knew the words. 

Dean had a smile on his face as he quickly wheeled in the kitchen to join the chorus, "Here comes my girl. Here comes my girl yeah, and she looks so right. She is all I need tonight." he sang loudly and a little off key, causing you to jump, having not heard them come in. 

Aj jumped down from the stool and hurried over to them, "I thought you wasn't coming." she said as she carefully climbed into his lap. 

He ruffled her hair, "Sammy is working a later shift today, so your gonna be stuck with me until tonight."  he said.

 Aj smiled brightly at him, and you could see the wheels turning in her head, thinking of everything she could subject him to today. The two of them had become extremely close in the short week that he had been with the two of you. "You got time to stay for breakfast?" you asked Sam. 

He glanced over at what you had cooked and then looked at his watch and sighed, "I really should go." he said, his voice full of regret. 

You grabbed a Tupperware container and quickly dished him up some breakfast. Sam smiled warmly at you as you handed it over, "You're the best." he said.

 "I know." you said as you made Dean and Aj a plate. 

Sam started to back out of the kitchen, "I got to stay a little later than usual tonight. I should be here around nine." he said.

 "No rush. We'll be fine." you said as you lifted Aj out of Dean's lap, and sat her in the chair next to him so that they could eat. Sam walked out of the kitchen to leave and you followed him to lock the door after him, a habit of yours that Dean had quickly picked up on. 

When you had walked back into the kitchen Rocky was at his normal place at Dean and Aj's feet. "If y 'all don't quit slippin' him food he's gonna get fat." you warned. 

"We're not." Dean said, his hand currently under the table. 

"You're not that smooth." you said as you sat down to eat your breakfast.

 "Oh, I'm plenty smooth." he smirked, the flirty banter between the two of you now commonplace. 

"Eat your breakfast, lover boy." you sassed, Aj giggling at the nickname. The three of you finished breakfast, Dean, Aj, and Rocky settling on the couch to watch tv and you deciding to do a few things around the house.

            It was almost time for lunch when you finished cleaning, and excused yourself for a quick shower. You came back downstairs, the three of them still in the exact spot that you had left them in earlier. "Let's get out of here. Go do something." you said. 

Dean turned his attention to you, holding up his bad arm, "This is about as much as I can do at the moment." he said. 

You rolled your eyes, "Oh, come on, gimpy, live a little." you said.

 He narrowed his eyes at you, "What did you have in mind?" he asked. 

You shrugged your shoulders, "A drive maybe. You could be our personal tour guide. We've almost been here a month and I know how to get to the gas station and the store. That's it." you said. 

"Ain't much else to see." argued Dean.

 "Some fresh air would be good for you. Aj, honey go get dressed and grab your shoes." you said. She quickly jumped up and headed upstairs. You left to pack a few things before Dean could argue anymore.

               Aj and Rocky were loaded into the backseat, Aj simply ecstatic that Rocky got to come. You finally got Dean into the front seat, loaded his wheelchair in the trunk, and took your place behind the wheel. The three of you just drove, no where in particular and sang along to every song on the radio. Your rendition of Van Halen's "Can't Stop Lovin' You" had Dean smiling ear to ear. He turned down the radio when he heard Aj talking to Rocky, "Look Sprinkles." she said.

 Dean turned in his seat to face her, "Sprinkles?" he questioned.

 "You said he didn't have a middle name so I gave him one." she said, and a grin appeared on your face.

 "He's a dog. He kinda only needs one name." said Dean. 

"Nuh uh. He needs a whole name, like everybody else. Right, momma?" Aj asked.

You nodded your head, "I think she's onto something, Dean." you said quickly glancing over at him. 

"Don't you think Sprinkles is a little, I don't know, I mean he's a boy, and...." Dean trailed off when he noticed the crestfallen look on Aj's face. He cleared his throat, "You know what, I think Sprinkles is perfect." he said, loving the smile that appeared on her little face. "Rocky Sprinkles Winchester." he said.

 "Got a nice ring to it." you said, smiling softly at him. 

           Everyone was ready for lunch, and Dean directed you to a little overlook that had a few picnic tables. Rocky and Aj piled out as soon as you stopped. "Stay close." you said as you grabbed Dean's chair, and started to help him out. You two were becoming faster at moving him around, working like a well oiled machine. You grabbed the bag you packed from the backseat and headed to one of the tables. 

Once everyone was seated you passed out sandwiches and chips, Rocky getting some lunch meat on his plate. Aj started to take a bite, "Hold on, honey. We gotta do this first." you said as you pulled out the little bag you kept her insulin pens in. You sat down next to her, and grabbed her hand to prick her finger. She squeezed her eyes shut, and flinched even though you hadn't done anything yet. You started to open your mouth to sing, but Dean beat you to the punch. The low gravel of his voice quickly pulling her attention to him. "Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better, remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better." he sang, Aj not even noticing when you pricked her finger.

 You readied her insulin as he continued, "Hey Jude, don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her, the minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better." You pinched her arm, and pushed the needle in, nodding at him to keep going, "And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain don't carry the world upon your shoulders." he quietly trailed off. 

"That was pretty." said Aj.

 Dean smiled at her, "My mom used to sing it to me, just like your mom sings to you." he said.

 "I like it." she said as she picked up her sandwich and took a bite.  

The three of you ate in comfortable silence, Aj playing with Rocky a few feet away when she finished. You and Dean sat next to each other and watched them, "You're really good with her. Why haven't you been scooped up yet?" you asked, keeping your eyes on them and not looking at him.

 He shrugged his shoulders, "Don't know. I was kind of married to the job before....this, and I guess I can be difficult at times." 

You turned to him, feigning shock, "You difficult? I never would have guessed." you said. He chuckled at your display. "I just figured an attractive guy like you would be off the market. Kinda makes me wonder if you are a secret psycho or something." you teased.

 "You think I'm attractive?" he asked with a smirk.

 "Just gonna let the psycho part go unanswered, huh?" you asked. 

"You know I could ask you the same thing." he said. 

"Oh, I'm definitely psycho." you warned.

 Dean shook his head at you, "Yeah, I picked up on that." he teased. "I meant, I could ask why you haven't been "scooped up", too." he continued. 

You gestured to Aj, "Most guys aren't in to the whole kid thing." you said.

 Dean shook his head, "She's a great kid. There has to be something else." he said.

"I don't date. It's easier to just focus on her. It's always just been the two of us." you said. 

"What about her dad?" Dean gently asked, knowing that he was heading into uncharted territory.

 "He, uh, he's not around. He's never been in her life. We split before she was born. He wasn't.....he wasn't a very good person." you quietly finished. 

Dean wanted to ask more questions, but didn't want to pressure you, surprised at the little you did reveal. He elbowed you, "Secret psycho, kid, bossy as hell pain in my ass, still a catch if you ask me." 

You wiped away a fake tear, "So romantic, Winchester. You should write greeting cards." you said. 

"Add ridiculously sarcastic to the list." he said. 

You leaned into him, and rested your head on his shoulder, "You know you like it." you said. 

You felt him rest his hand on your leg, "Add always right to the list." he said as he patted your leg, and then let his hand rest there. You were becoming attached, and even though the voice in the back of your head was screaming at you that it was a bad idea, you pushed it away. Maybe everything would turn out fine this time. Maybe this time you wouldn't have to run. 

        Everyone was tired when you finally pulled into your driveway. You got everyone unloaded, made a quick, easy dinner, and gave Aj a bath. She curled up with Rocky on the couch next to Dean. You brought him his meds, and placed a pillow on the coffee table so that he could prop up his leg. He moved the pillow next to him and motioned for you to sit down next to him. You hesitated for a moment before sitting down, your body pressed into Dean's side. Dean lifted his arm and draped it around your shoulders while you pressed play on the movie Aj had selected. She had fallen asleep half way through Cinderella, but you didn't get up to change it, too comfortable in your current position. You felt yourself start to drift to sleep, and decided not to fight it, swearing that you thought you felt Dean press a kiss to the top of your head before you drifted off.

          The sound of the door opening quickly pulled you from sleep, and you wildly glanced around the room, forgetting for a moment where you were. You felt Dean give you a gentle squeeze, "It's ok. It's just Sam." he whispered.

 You quickly collected yourself, "Time is it?" you asked.

 "9:30. You guys passed out on me." he said. 

You looked over at the tv that was repeatedly playing the Cinderella menu, "You should have woke me up." you said as you pushed yourself to the edge of the couch. "Let me get her to bed, and I'll help you guys." you said as you carefully picked up your sleeping daughter trying not to wake her. Rocky whined at the loss of her body heat and she stirred in your arms. 

She sleepily glanced around for a minute before focusing on Dean. "Dean, can Sprinkles sleep over?" she asked. 

Dean looked up to you for approval, and you nodded. "Sure." he said.

 She smiled down at him, "Thank you. Come on Sprinkles." she said,  Rocky easing himself from the couch and waiting at your feet. "Night Dean." she called over your shoulder as you started up the stairs, surprised that Rocky was able to follow you.

 "Night, princess." he said. 

She smiled at the nickname, "Don't forget Sprinkles." she said.

 "Night Sprinkles. Be good." said Dean, Rocky actually stopping to face him as if he was taking in his words.

 You tucked Aj into bed, Rocky curling up at the foot of her bed, and headed back downstairs. Sam had already had Dean in his chair when you walked in. You handed over his bag of meds and walked them to the door. Sam easily backed the chair out of your door, and down the makeshift wooden ramp he had made for your front steps. You waved them goodbye, and told them you would see them tomorrow before closing and locking the door.

                Sam didn't say anything at first, but then temptation got the better of him, "Sprinkles?" he asked. 

Dean laughed, "Yeah, Aj thought he needed a middle name so, she gave him one." he said.

 "The three of you were looking a little cozy when I came in." said Sam. 

Dean scoffed, "Chill, mom." he said.

 "Don't you think you're getting a little too attached?" Sam carefully asked, not wanting to get on the bad side of his brother's temper. 

"I like them. That a crime?" he defensively asked. 

"I like them too." Sam started, "But I just think you should be careful. Maybe get the whole story before jumping in." Sam finished. 

"I'm not jumping into anything." Dean sarcastically replied. 

Sam sighed, "You know what I mean, Dean. I still think there is something that she isn't telling us, and I, I just think you should be careful." he said.

 "I know what I'm doing, Sam. I don't need you to babysit me." Dean argued. 

Sam decided not to push the issue anymore, knowing that when Dean made up his mind about something he was unlikely to change it. Sam glanced over his shoulder at your house, and shook his head. You seemed to have his brother under your spell, his earlier doubts drifting further away the more time he spent with you. Sam didn't think that you were a bad person, he actually really liked, and appreciated everything that you were doing for them, but something still seemed off about you. He looked down at his brother, and decided that he would have to be on alert for the both of them.

[agustdomain]

All The Pieces Fall

Synopsis: Some pieces mismatch, but some pieces fall into place. They figure out a way to create a beautiful and unlikely picture. Here’s how a few lives intertwined on this holiday, making it count. 

Word Count: 26.4 k words

Genre: Holiday, Friendships, Not present lover, Christmas Fluff

Warnings: It’s really long. Haha I’m sorry. And a sprinkle of angst throughout.

Members: All 7 of them. Hoseok as a brother, Yoongi as a lover, the rest will make their respective appearance (;

Author’s Note: This work is highly special to me. I was supposed to post it last Christmas, but didn’t finish it and vowed to finish it this year. And I accomplished that goal! I am so happy with how it came out. It’s not perfect, but it’s beautiful. And I think that’s reflected in how the piece unravels. Hope you enjoy! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! ~ Angelo

For as long as she could remember, she was a sentimental person. She enjoyed the smaller details, she collected items that may seem confusing to those who didn’t know her well and at the end of most nights, she enjoyed reminiscing about the people and the things that she loved. Earlier on in life, she knew there were rare feelings that she wouldn’t find anywhere else; when she was a teenager, she documented them and if she ever discovered new and rare feelings, she’d add them to the list. 

First love. Concerts. And the feeling of Christmas. 

There were only three experiences that sparked those rare sensations, but every time she pulled that little note out, it made her smile. Rare feelings aren’t something to be sad about. 

She was aware that many people considered Christmas their favorite holiday. That in itself wasn’t rare. What’s rare is the feeling that blooms in her chest every 24th of December, and what lasts until she goes to sleep on the 25th. Her friends would call her a poetic romantic, always trying to articulate what or how something makes her feel. Christmas was one of the only experiences she certainly couldn’t capture in words. It was too rare, too stunning, too… ah, she couldn’t find the words. 

What she could confirm is that her heart always swelled seeing those she loved surrounding her, the look of joy on their faces unforgettable. The air was warmer on those days, the lights softer. Smiles were more lovely. It’s the Christmas air, her brother Hoseok would say. Perhaps that’s what it was. 

Christmas was the closest, she believed, to the feeling of pure bliss. 

It always has been that for her, and it always will be. Sometimes, things go wrong and it doesn’t seem like Christmas will be the same. Somehow, in some way, it always works out. Even if it’s the slightest shift. 

This winter was the most helpless she ever felt. As her favorite day grew closer, a piece of her hope would splinter off. Her brother didn’t seem to be coming home from university, her parents weren’t batting an eye, and it might be the first Christmas without him. 

She wouldn’t lose faith, though, not yet. Christmas wasn’t over until the clock struck midnight welcoming the 26th. 

This particular holiday always had a funny and inexplicable way of surprising her. She assumed this year wouldn’t be any different. 

She could only hope that even if it’s different, it still captures that feeling she craves all year long. That’s all she wanted as a gift. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Christmas Tree 

“Have you talked to your brother recently, Y/N?”

The words sent her stomach dropping, finding it hard to resist asking her mother to repeat herself out of shock. She knew her mom wouldn’t be happy if she did so. Frankly, she had expected anything but those words to leave her mouth. She had been home for a few days now due to being on winter break as well as scheduling time off of work. Being surrounded by her childhood memories, portraits of her and her brother, and simply being reminded of how Christmas might be different this year, had left her moping around. She was too guilty to admit it aloud, but she found her mother partially responsible for their circumstances. Truly, she did not expect her mother to ask her that one morning after waking up.

It was her favorite time of year, the Christmas season. It was the most blissful experience, so brief and a wonderful rush that fills her once it’s around the corner. The day itself was highly anticipated, but it ended so fast it was almost like it never came. Now that she was a little older, the experience had transformed into an entirely different experience. It was more about giving instead of receiving, and she couldn’t get enough.

That particular morning, she had been lounging in the living room watching a Christmas movie on tv. Her mother joined her shortly after she woke up. Not thinking much of it, she assumed her mom was just joining her to watch the movie. She had not expected her to ask her such a loaded question, and one about Hoseok at that.

She spoke slowly and carefully. “Uh, I haven’t. Why?” 

A brief silence, and it was enough to let her know what she needed to know. More than anything, growing up in her home, her and Hoseok  recognized early on that their parents’ silence typically had to do with their pride. If it was related to an issue and they were responsible for apologizing, it took even longer for them to set pride aside. Hence, their familiar silence. 

“What are his Christmas plans?”

To be fair, she didn’t know the answer that question either. At the realization, her heart sank.

There weren’t enough words to describe how much she loved her brother. Hoseok was his name, and that even conveyed how warm and soft he actually was. He was an enigma, mostly because somehow the moment anyone met him, they fell in love. Even if he spoke two words, they became enamored. Growing up, bringing her friends around her bright brother was fascinating because afterward, they were all smitten. When they were young, it was his friendliness and excitable personality that drew in everyone they met. As they both matured and grew, and he became the young man he was today, people simply fell for everything about him. All of that didn’t matter, though, because above everything else he was her brother. She and Hoseok had an unbreakable bond, one that wasn’t just because they were siblings but also because of a friendship built on years of closeness.

What she lacked, he embodied and vice versa. She loved him and supported him in everything he did. 

Earlier this year and just after Christmas, Hoseok had announced that he had changed his major. It wouldn’t be such an issue if he had been changing to anything but photography. 

When he was eight years old, he had gotten a camera as a birthday gift from their grandpa. Not just any camera, though. Their grandpa had gifted him a Yashica Mat 124G. At the time, Hoseok knew next to nothing about photography. What mattered to him that their grandpa, who was his favorite person in the world, had gifted him something so special to him. Once Hoseok clicked the cranked it and clicked the shutter, there was an everlasting love in his eyes. 

She was six at the time, but she knew her brother had been changed by this gift from their grandpa. 

Since then, his love for capturing the world had never ceased, only expanded with time. It was why she was utterly surprised a couple of years before he graduated high school, and  told her he had chosen psychology as his major instead.

Although their parents loved him dearly, they were too afraid of the unknown that came with pursuing a career in any type of art. At the age of eighteen, he would have done anything to appease their parents. So he settled for his second passion, which happened to be psychology. It made their parents relieved. It made her brother passive. That was over three years ago.

Last year when he was home for Christmas, he confessed to a lie that he had been telling his family since before his sophomore year in college. It had really been plaguing him; she could tell he was hiding something long before that moment. He was on his third year of university, and he had been carrying the secret with him for so long. She had watched as the words slipped past his mouth, about how he was on his second year now of majoring in psychology. She watched the life return to his eyes as the weight lifted from his shoulders. That’s all that mattered.

The repercussions were deadly, the biggest explosion between her family she had ever witnessed. It had been about a year since the fight, but she tried to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. She hated remembering how thundering her father’s voice sounded in the house, rattling the house. She hated seeing her brother transform as he was backed into a corner,  how Hoseok reciprocated with an even bigger storm in his eyes. She especially hated witnessing her brother’s heart break as their father treated him like he wasn’t welcome anymore. The night had ended in shambles, her brother leaving back to school a week early. 

Since then, her father and brother hadn’t spoken. And their mom only occasionally checked up on him, in fear of breaking down and in fear of making it worse. She knew how much it was killing both sides, but Hoseok wanted their dad’s approval and their dad was too stubborn to concede. At this rate, she was afraid for not only Christmas, but for the future.

“I haven’t asked,” She paused, carefully wading through, “Do you want him to come?”

Silence. Then tiptoeing. “He is welcome to do whatever he pleases. Seems that’s what he does anyway-” 

“Mom, enough. Do you want Hoseok to spend Christmas with us or not? Are you really going to let him spend Christmas alone all because he loves something you don’t?”

And she didn’t know if it had been the conviction in her voice, or if it was solely because she missed him so much, but her mom’s next words were exactly what she wanted to hear.

“I want my son home.”

~~~~~~~~~~

That afternoon, after settling down from mulling over her mother’s words over and over, Y/N found herself contemplating the home around her. The home she grew up in, the one that she and Hoseok played tag in and got scolded for running in, the one where her and Hoseok teamed up against their parents in debates and got scolded for as teens. Of course, there were both good and bad memories tied to this house. More than anything, it was their home. Usually, she loved being home completely. It was different, knowing that her dad didn’t welcome Hoseok anymore.

Yet, their parents welcomed her with sweet smiles and warm hugs. Her dorm wasn’t even far, a brief drive away to be quite honest. She had chosen the nearest university to her family because a) it had the major of her dreams and b) she was near her family. With the swarm of school and work, however, she didn’t get to visit as often as she’d like. Yes, that’s why she didn’t visit regularly. It wasn’t because it reminded her of the strain in her family.

It was at dinner that night that she found herself thinking about Hoseok once more. As she sat across from her parents and quietly ate her dinner, she remembered Hoseok’s laugh ringing in the air last Christmas, his smile as she unwrapped her gift from him. Their entire lives, his laugh had always been loud, sometimes obnoxious. It never failed to pull a laugh from her. Even now, a smile tugged at her lips as she recalled how she’d hit him with a throw pillow every time he’d laugh too loud late at night. He would only send her a mocking glare every time she told him to shut up, not worried at all about being caught watching t.v. late on a school night. 

Her smile faded as she remembered how he was a boulder to cover her from the harsh winds of life. When school was overwhelming and he’d find her crying over something she can’t even remember anymore, he would wrap her up in his arms and remind her he’ll always be there. He would say that with her spirit, the world doesn’t stand a chance. She always used to wonder how could it be possible that he viewed her the same way she saw him.

He was a bonfire. People were drawn to him and his warmth. He would never let her hear the end of it whenever she compared herself to him. Thinking of that,  his words rang in her ears. I’m not any better than you, Y/N. You are amazing, the most amazing sister I could ever ask for. Stop comparing yourself to me. Can’t we both be great?

“Y/N? Did you hear me?”

She looked up then, her attention being drawn to her mother. She was sitting to her right, her dad sitting right beside her. The setup almost made her happy. Almost. Except it wasn’t, not with Hoseok nowhere to be found. If he were here, he would be sitting right beside you at the table, finishing her plate when she grew full. Sometimes, their dad would jokingly insist she needs to finish her food. When he would leave the table, Hoseok would shovel all of her food quickly into his mouth, causing her to weaken with laughter as he finished, resembling a squirrel with filled cheeks. After swallowing, he would always say the same thing. “If I can’t finish your leftovers, what kind of brother does that make me?”

“What did you say?”

“I was telling you that the Parks can join us for Christmas Eve after all. It’s been so long since we’ve spent Christmas Eve with them. Their son is back home, too, which is lovely. We haven’t seen Jimin since your guys’ graduation. Isn’t that crazy?” Her words successfully drew her attention, mostly because it had been a long time since she saw Park Jimin. 

Before she could respond, she felt her mother’s probing gaze. She knew what she was going to say. She wished she could stop her, but there was nothing she could do to avoid her teasing.

“I felt like I should let you know. I know you always used to have a crush on Jimin. I would hate for you to be caught by surprise after seeing him again.”

She clenched her fists with embarrassment, keeping her gaze trained on her plate as she pushed around her leftovers. No Hoseok to finish them for her. Hearing her dad’s exclamation, she braced herself for his dramatic reaction as her mom stifled a smile.

“Excuse me? You like the Parks’ boy? If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have ever let him spend the night-”

Her mom waved him off as Y/N cupped her forehead with embarrassment. “Oh, hush. He was friends with Hoseok. And so what if she has a little crush on him? He’s a good boy. Well, now he’s a young man.”

She tried her hardest to pretend her parents weren’t discussing her past crush while residing right across from her. Her thoughts were thankfully enough to keep her distracted. 

It was true that as she was growing up, Jimin had been the boy who made her heart race. He was the school’s sweetheart, mostly because he was sweet to everyone. Because he was sweet to everyone, her heart grew sweet on him. Back in high school, he had been one of Hoseok’s good friends. Having him around made it even easier for her to grow fond of him. 

He had only two girlfriends throughout high school, and each of them were treated like his queen. Whenever he spent time around her, he treated her the way Hoseok did. Back then, she didn’t know what loving someone was like. The way it felt, it was like he truly saw her. He looked out for her back then, bought her her favorite chocolate every time he came over. He even liked to ask her what new music she was listening to, because according to him she always had great taste. When Hoseok let it slip that Jimin had a Spotify playlist with all the songs she told him about, she knew she was head over heels for him.

She buried that crush deep within. He was not only Hoseok’s friend, he was her friend, too. His friendship meant the absolute world to her. The crush she harbored wasn’t deep enough to risk everything. 

At graduation, after she and Jimin took a picture in their caps and gowns, she had stared at the boy in his angelic eyes. They were going their separate ways, him moving across the country. She would always remember him as her childhood crush, the friend that meant a lot to her. And when his lips had brushed her cheek, and her entire body grew warm, she was okay with leaving those feelings right then and there.

Besides, by now she had truly experienced what love actually felt like, all because of a boy with jazz eyes and piano hands. Her parents didn’t know about him quite yet. So, you let them speculate about the Parks’ son. 

“Not that I don’t love talking about love with my parents,” She said sarcastically as she rose to her feet. She held back a smile at her dad’s highly unamused face and her mother’s amusement. “I’m going to head to bed.”

“This early? I know you don’t sleep until 3 am,” Her dad said, calling her out.

“You got me there,” She said, bending down to give both of them a kiss on the head. “Goodnight! Love you.”

Truth be told, she wasn’t tired at all. It was only 10 pm, but it was only a few days until Christmas Eve and time was working against her. For whatever reason, her heart was racing at her plans. This was Hoseok, for crying out loud. She was just afraid he would not take it well when she asked him to come home. 

She had texted him earlier to video chat with her tonight. He agreed, his text exclaiming how much he couldn’t wait to talk to his sweet “Paws”. She couldn’t distinguish whether or not the nickname he had given her a long time ago made her more sad or happy. All she could do was shove it aside as she prepared herself for the tough conversation she was about to have. 

The time had come, and as she shifted in her bed, she prepared herself for what was about to unravel. Inhaling deeply, she hoped for the best reaction. Unlike her parents, she stayed in constant contact with him. He didn’t really like to talk about their parents though, and she knew it was because it hurt him. She hoped this wouldn’t be too much for him.

Finally, his beaming face popped up on her screen and she quickly accepted the video chat, his face temporarily freezing in a buffered smile before it cleared up and she was staring at her brother’s live and in action face. It had been a while since they had video chatted, and staring at him made her realize how deeply she missed him.

Both of their smiles were unrestrained, and they excitedly got out their initial greetings.They talked about school for a while, discussing how their semesters went and what had been difficult about some courses. The topic shifted to work, Hoseok telling her about how he had recently gotten a job at a dance studio. He had gotten hooked up with an interview by one of his friends who majored in music production. He loved it a lot, hoping he would eventually get to be able to teach his own class. After the small talk, Hoseok’s smile died down and she could tell he was going to say something serious.

“I see you’re back at home.”

She didn’t control the surprise that filtered across her face. Nervously, she laughed. “Yeah, I am. For the holidays. Finally, I got some time off of work.” The smile she tried to hold didn’t last, her lips uncontrollably pursed before she decidedly dove in head first. “Speaking of the holidays, Christmas Eve is in three days…”

She didn’t like the cloud that covered Hoseok’s face, his eyes trailing off to the side. It squeezed her heart. Her brother was someone who should always be smiling. It made the world a lot more bearable. But she understood his dilemma. Their dad, who they both cherished, didn’t support the one thing he loved. It hurt her to know he was hurting. 

She continued, her voice sounding small all of a sudden. “Are you coming home for Christmas?”

His voice was just as small, quiet. “I can’t. You know that.”

“Yes, you can. You know you can. Mom and dad love you-”

“Dad sure has a funny way of showing it,” He scoffed, and she pretended not to hear his voice crack. She wished she could hold him tight, just like those times in school when she doubted herself. If only he were here. 

Shaking her head, she tried to find the words. By the look of his face and the sound of his voice, her heart sank with the oncoming disappointment.  “Hoseok, you know he only wants the best for you. We both know he’s  wrong in how he’s handling it, but he misses you. Mom misses you. I miss you.”

“Oh, they do? Then why hasn’t dad spoken to me since that night? How come mom can’t go one phone call without trying to convince me to switch majors, all to appease him? Why do I feel like I’m a villain for pursuing what I love?” He was crying, she could tell by the slight quiver in his voice. He had moved the camera so she couldn’t see his face. 

Her own cheeks were damp, but she ignored it. She was desperate at this point, fishing for the words to bring him home. She needed him here. 

“I want you here. And I know they want you here too. They’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t want to be an outcast in my own parents’ eyes. I miss you so much. I’ll come visit you after Christmas break.”

“Hoseok-”

“I got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“No, wait, please-” 

The call ended just like that. The silence right after was unbearable, her brother’s broken voice and broken heart ringing in her memory. The ring was deafening, painful.  She sat there a moment, frozen.  Although she knew there was a chance the call wouldn’t go well, a part of her had still hoped she would convince him to come home. Instead, her mind began to torture her the realization of what Christmas would be like this year sunk in.

Her face crumpled as her heart did. She wished so badly she could shake her parents and tell them to stop hurting Hoseok. Mostly, she wanted him here. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N!”

The next morning, she sluggishly trudged down the stairs and found her mother in the kitchen scrambling eggs. She stood in the doorway, watching her mom as she hummed a Christmas tune underneath her breath. Still tired from her restless night, Y/N found herself really looking at her mother. She knew her opinion of her parents had changed since that fateful night when her brother stormed out of the house, no intentions of coming back. She heard it in her mom’s voice yesterday, when she asked about Hoseok. And she saw it when her mom thought no one was looking, her eyes fluttering over the photos of her son hanging in the hall. She missed him just as much as Y/N did. 

“Oh!” Her mom slightly jumped at the sight of her. “You scared me. Sorry to wake you. I need you to run to the store for me and pick up a couple things. I would ask your dad, but he’s at work. It’s his last day before he’s off for a week!”

Her excitement was endearing, and a bitter part of her wanted to be angry at her mom for doing nothing when her dad chased Hoseok away. At the end of the day, she knew that her parents initially had good intentions, that they loved Hoseok and had only been trying to protect him. They simply let the problem spiral out of control and were too prideful to make amends. 

“Okay. Let me get changed.”

Before she knew it, she was driving to the grocery store. Since she woke up, her heart was weak at the memory of the video call last night. Hoseok’s hurt voice, his refusal as she pleaded. She tried to avoid thinking about him, but she couldn’t shake the sadness that came with the reality that he was not coming home. It would be her first Christmas without him, no one to wake her up to tell her to come downstairs. He wouldn’t be there Christmas morning, ready to start watching their favorite holiday movies. Who would finish her hot chocolate for her? Who would force her to dance to Christmas songs? Maybe it shouldn’t be as sad as she felt, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t shake the heaviness. A pivotal piece was missing. 

It was like she blinked and she was at the grocery store. She sat in the car for a moment, the ignition turned off and the previous warmth from the heaters dissipating. As the cold air seeped in from outside, she told herself to push down the negative feelings. She would figure it out. She would. For now, she would just focus on the task at hand. 

Stepping out of the car, she hissed at the frigid air, zipping up her jacket as tight as it would go. As she walked toward the entrance, she noticed on the other side of the parking lot there was a sectioned off area where real Christmas trees were set up. Before she went inside, she noticed people hauling off trees to their cars. It was quite the sight.

She bought everything off her mother’s list with no trouble. She was in and out rather quickly, pushing the cart out of the store and avoiding other frantic shoppers as much as she could. With the rapid approaching holiday, everyone was frantic and everywhere was busy. Somehow, she avoided all of it. Because of the music playing in the store, Jingle Bell Rock was stuck in her head. As she hummed it to herself, she gathered in her surroundings as she headed toward her car. 

Taking one last look toward the Christmas tree lot, something caught her eye- moreso, someone did. Narrowing her eyes, she stared for a moment before the familiarity dawned on her. A smile widened on her lips before she raced to the car and put all the groceries in the trunk. After she finished up, she put the cart away and rushed to the tree lot.

As she approached, her gaze trained on the familiar figure that had previously snagged her attention. And she was thankful she had noticed him, because it had been too long since she had seen him. 

When she was close enough, she felt her heart light up like the star on the top of the tree at home. He had let his hair grow long since the last time she saw him, but he was as handsome as she remembered. He was kneeling, fixing one of the Christmas trees that he had placed in a shopping cart. His face was flushed red, from exerting himself or from the cold she didn’t know. She smiled at the festive beanie he wore atop his head. 

Finally, he noticed her. His eyebrows furrowed for a slight moment before his face lit up like the sunrise. A grin formed as he rose to his feet. Without any hesitation, he approached her with open arms. She stepped right into his arms as he said her name with unadulterated happiness.

“How long has it been since I saw you?” He said, cold air seeping out past his lips. She couldn’t describe the joy that wrapped around her at the luck of running into her dearest friend. Kim Taehyung was someone that had entered her life as sudden as a shooting star. But he wasn’t brief, no, he was an everlasting sun. She had met him when she was fourteen, and had forged a friendship that hadn’t been broken by distance or time. Yes, she hadn’t seen him in months, due to different schools and lack of time. That didn’t change anything. And here he stood. And it was like no time had passed.

“I think August. I’ve really missed you, Tae.”

His smile was blinding, erasing the previous distressed emotions suffocating her. “Likewise. It’s been way too long. No one else puts up with my tomfoolery like you do.”

“Maybe it’s because you use words like ‘tomfoolery’.”

His laugh echoed in the air, drawing the attention of a nearby family looking at trees. Glancing at them, she offered up an observation. “Isn’t it a bit late to be looking for Christmas trees? Christmas Eve is in two days.”

Taehyung shrugged casually, adjusting the beanie on his head. “Yeah, but it’s always sort of been a thing my family does. We cut it pretty short to the day itself. We’re badass like that.”

“Or reckless.”

“I like badass more.” His smile died down then, his fond eyes looking her over. “It’s so good to see you. I was going to wait until Christmas to reach out to you. Crazy how it’s not that small of a town, but it never stops us from running into each other.. We have to hang out before you go back-” And something strange happened then. It was like something had physically stopped him from continuing, his eyes glazing over. She had known him long enough to see something was bothering him.

“Is everything alright?”

His eyes found hers once more, shaking it off before feigning a comforting smile. “Everything’s fine! Sorry! I just remembered something. Anyways, want to help me find a tree? Taeyeon wants me to bring the perfect one home!”

Something told her not to force him to tell her what’s wrong. So, she complied. For twenty minutes, she walked the lot with him, offering up her opinions and finding time in between to reminisce about old times. A part of her wished he still lived nearby during school. Shortly after she moved into her dorms, he moved to a nearby city about thirty minutes away. Though he wasn’t far, they were both busy with school and work, and hardly found time to see each other. If they found the time, she was positive he would be the person she spent all her time with throughout the year. 

Soon enough, he found what he deemed ‘The Perfect Pine’, and she helped him carry it to his familiar red Toyota. It brought back some dear memories, and she was unable to control her gasp of glee. After helping him secure the tree in the truck bed, the two of them stood facing each other. 

She patted the trunk. “Haven’t seen this old friend in a minute.”

“Dory missed you. Just like I did.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I can’t believe you remember our nickname for it!”

“I know, right? We were so excited when I got this car. Named it and everything. Except we never even called it Dory, not even once.”

It was times like this that she truly missed about being younger. Sure, it hadn’t been too long since she had seen Taehyung. And she generally kept in good contact with him. But it wasn’t like when they were younger. It was good to see his face. 

His next question inevitably called back her sadness. It wasn’t his fault, because he couldn’t have known. However, there was no way to cover up the disappointment that washed over her face at his words.

“How’s my boy Hopeful? Haven’t seen your brother in ages. I miss him too.” At her prolonged silence, his hand reached out to her shoulder as he noticed her crestfallen face. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Shaking her head, she sighed. “It’s… complicated. Let’s just say he’s not coming home for Christmas because he’s clashing with my parents. Has been for a while now.”

He sighed at the news, his hand unconsciously moving to rub her arm comfortingly. “I’m sorry to hear that.” His actions paused for a moment, as if he were pondering what he was about to say. It seemed he decided it was best to say whatever he was holding back. “Since when has an argument with your parents been this drastic though? And since when did that make Hoseok miss out on his favorite holiday?”

“It’s worse than it seems. Our parents don’t really support him and what he loves. And because of that, he doesn’t feel welcome.”

Taehyung frowned. “Your parents never seemed like they would be that way.”

“That’s the thing. They aren’t. My dad’s silence is just his pride. I know he misses Hoseok. My mom asked me to bring him home somehow. They want him here just as much as I do. They’re just too stubborn to make the first move. And Hoseok is hurt. He doesn’t want to make the first move because he’s afraid they’ll just do the same thing as last time.”

“So talk to your parents.”

“I have.” Her voice died, squeezing her eyes to make sure she didn’t get too emotional in front of him. 

“Have you truly talked to them? Have you told them they’re wrong, that in order to have him come home, they need to reach out to him?” 

She opened her mouth to respond but came up short. Because in a way, Taehyung hit the nail on the head. All these months, she hadn’t really called them out for their wrongs. She had only implied that they needed to be more understanding. For the first time since the night Hoseok stormed out, she realized that maybe she played a hand in this prolonged stalemate. Without outright calling them out on their behavior, they won’t think about what they’re doing. It was up to her to ultimately end all the turmoil.

“Tae, what would I do without you?”

He brushed off her compliment, his face drawn in a shy smile. “You would be fine.”

Lunging forward, she held him tight. “No, I wouldn’t. I have to head home, but we’ll hang out before I head back to the dorms. Have a Merry Christmas.” And in that moment, she didn’t register the grimace on his face. Maybe it was because of the stress of her family situation, that she didn’t even notice Taehyung’s own sadness lingering. At that moment, she had to get home and then get Hoseok home.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Mom, we need to talk.”

She turned at Y/N’s greeting, her eyebrows pulled downward in question.

“What took you so long? The list wasn’t that long.”

Brushing her arm dismissively, she explained, “The store was pretty busy. And I ran into Taehyung. But-”

“Oh, Taehyung! How is he? You haven’t brought him around in so long! He was always such a good friend to you-”

“Mom. We can talk about him later. We have something important to talk about.“

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” The concern in her eyes solidified her nerves, but she needed to push through. This talk was going to be hard, but she wasn’t walking away from it without getting her mom to see what’s right. If she failed, then she didn’t know how long her parents and Hoseok’s relationship would hang in a void. She couldn’t stand the idea.

“No. Everything isn’t okay. But it can be.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Her father came home to a gloomy house that evening. Both Y/N and her mother sat in a quiet living room that night, her mom’s stoic expression trained on a blank television. Her own gaze followed her dad’s movements nervously as he shrugged off his coat, meeting her look with his own questioning one.

“What’s going on? What are you guys doing just sitting here?”

“Dad, we need to talk.”

He stared at her for a moment, before he rubbed at his temple tiredly. “Can’t it wait? I’m pretty tired from work.”

“It really can’t. It’s important.”

She could sense his exasperation was building behind his expression, but she was thankful he was at least trying to be patient. “What’s it about?”

She was holding her breath, nervous for his reaction. Exhaling deeply, she just let go. “It’s about Hoseok.”

Disappointment filled her bones at the sight of him guarding his expression, looking the least bit responsive. “We’re not talking about him.”

“Dad, we have to. It’s almost Christmas-”

“So? What does that have to do with him?” His words stung and she unconsciously rose to her feet.

“What do you mean? It has everything to do with him. He’s your son, my brother. Christmas won’t be the same without him!”

“Whose fault is that? If he just listened to his parents-”

“Why would he listen to you if you guys were wrong-”

“I won’t have you disrespect me in my own house, Y/N. If you feel so strongly on the subject, why are you here? You can leave just like him.” His words extinguished any sort of fire previously lit in her veins. She heard her mother cry out in disbelief, but there was nothing else she could do. It seemed he was dead set on being prideful. 

Shaking her head, she muttered, “You’re unbelievable,” before turning on her heels and heading toward the staircase. 

“Y/N.” This time it was her mother, uncharacteristically quiet during the whole argument. Turning to look at her, something in her gaze comforted how upset she was. “I’ll talk to him. Just stay in your room for the night, okay?”

And there was nothing she could do. So she agreed. And she hoped her mother could pick up the pieces. Because if she didn’t, then maybe her family would never be the same. It was her biggest fear at this point. Aside from Christmas, what would their relationship with Hoseok look like in the future? It terrified her. 

She didn’t have to wait long to know how the conversation played out after she went to her room. It was a few hours later when her mom joined her, her hiding beneath the covers. The only light that filled the room filtered in through the hall. Quietly, she walked in and sat beside her.

Her silence unnerved Y/N, and she feared her mom was quiet because she was coming to bear bad news. She sat there in silence for a few beats, her heartbeat the only sound thundering in her ears.

Finally, she spoke.

“Your father is driving up to see your brother in the morning. He’s going to talk to him. And if your brother lets him, he’s bringing him home.”

Her words brought Y/N to tears.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stockings

The countdown was two days until Christmas Eve.

That was her first thought the next day when she awoke. The second thought that flashed in her mind was her brother, and how their dad was going to see him. With that thought, she ripped her blanket off of her and stumbled out of bed. She sprinted out of the room and to her parents’ bedroom down the hall. 

Pushing the door open, her heart rate spiked at the absence of her parents. Spinning around, she made her way down the hall and stairs, finding her mom lounging in the living room watching the news.

“Mom!”

Jumping at her voice, she shot her an irritated look. “Don’t scare me like that! What’s wrong?”

She paused, almost wondering if she had dreamt what she said last night. So she had to ask, just in case. “Did… did dad leave already?”

Her face morphed into realization before she soothed her with a soft look. “Yes, he headed out about an hour ago. He should be there soon. And if all goes well… Hoseok should be home by late afternoon.”

The words filled her with relief as the realization hit her like a knockout.. The words were exactly what she wanted to hear, an antidote to the potentially ruined Christmas. Slinking into the spot next to her mom, a thought struck her.

“How did you change his mind?”

She waved her hand before cupping her mug once more. She sipped at what she guessed was her morning coffee before she answered. “I’ve known your father a lot longer than he’s known himself. He didn’t need his mind changed when it was already where it needed to be. He just needed a little encouraging. He loves Honey and truly does want what’s best for him. All this time, he just needed to realize that Hoseok is in control of his life and is old enough to pick his own path. It’s just up to us to be there if he ever falls.”

Her heart tugged at the mention of the family’s nickname for her brother, then twisted at the sentiment of her mom’s words. She couldn’t help but hug her then, ignoring her playful protests. Soon, she was embracing Y/N back, her hands unconsciously moving to play with her hair. 

In a few hours, the family was going to be what it was supposed to be. And Hoseok was going to be right where he belonged. 

About an hour passed like that, her in her mother’s arms as she tempted Y/N to doze off. Her mom knew that playing with her hair was her ultimate weakness. It almost always led you to falling asleep. She fell asleep briefly before her mom adjusted in her seat and woke her up.

“Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Yawning, she sat up straight in her seat. “It’s fine. I actually think I’m going to get some sleep. Before they come back.”

Her words seemed to please her mom, her eyes getting distant. “Yeah. When they come back.”

She groggily headed to her room then, every intention of hers to get some sleep. Just as she got in the most comfortable position, her phone began buzzing on the bedside stand. 

Groaning, she debated whether or not to ignore it but ultimately decided to reach out and grab it. Looking at the screen, her sleepiness faded at the sight of Tae-rex. 

“Tae! What’s up?”

“Hey. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I’m just in bed.”

“I just wanted to check up on you, see how things are. Did you… talk to your parents?”

She couldn’t control the smile on her lips and permanently in her heart.. “I did. My dad is driving to pick him up as we speak.”

“That’s awesome! Y/N, that’s so great to hear! I’m happy for you.”

A laugh escaped her, even though there wasn’t anything funny. It just bubbled out from her body. All was well.

“Thank you, Taehyung. Something as simple as pointing out how I feel made a difference. If you hadn’t suggested it, who knows what would’ve happened?”

“It was all you. You’ve always had an influence on people. I admire that.” 

This time around, she wasn’t distracted by her sadness. Immediately, she picked up on his underlying solemn tone. Something was bothering him. 

“Tae, is everything okay?”

He hummed in thought.  It was never a good sign. It always told her everything she needed to know about how he was feeling. It was the sound he made when he didn’t know what to say, and the sound he made when he was hurting. To know that about him was an advantage and a burden, because it meant something was really wrong.

If possible, his voice dropped lower and quieter than it was before. “I’m fine. Why?”

“Something tells me that there’s something bothering you. Intuition, perhaps. Are you really fine?”

He was quieter a lot longer than she expected. Again, it told her all she needed to know. In a way, his silence answered the question. 

“I…” She knew how he worked. Two sides of him were battling, one side telling him to put up a front and the other to open up. Over the years, he started opening up and letting the latter win. Other times, it wasn’t easy for him. She wondered what side would win. She hoped he confided in her. “I’m not fine. It’s hard for me to say.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, I just-”

“I do want to, though. You’ve always been there for me. Maybe I just wanted to pretend I was okay. Who knows? It’s just hard to say because I don’t want you to feel bad. I’m just trying to be tough for Taeyeon but…” Now, she knew what was coming. She gave him the time to sort out his words, to find them and tell her what was plaguing him. And when he did, her heart dropped.

Taehyung proceeded to tell her about how he had been working hard to make this Christmas an amazing one for his little sister, Taeyeon. She had always been fond of his sister, a youthful little girl who carried the same wondrous eyes of her older brother. And as Taehyung began to open up a little more, a lot more started to make sense. Questions that had poked at her in the past became answered in this moment. She hadn’t known that Taehyung’s mother wasn’t around as much as she had initially thought. Sure, Y/N had been good friends with him since they were fourteen. And she was aware that Taeyeon was his number one priority, that he loved his mom a lot but she wasn’t around as much as an outsider would expect.. 

She would have never guessed that his mom missed out on the holidays that played a part in their family, the holidays that mark a kid’s childhood, the weekends are spent with parents. It broke her heart to know that him and Taeyeon had only been experiencing Christmas with each other as company for who knows how long.

After he finished, she was holding back the pain in her chest and the tears that threatened to fall. He didn’t sound too sad, which meant he was comfortable with the situation. That could only mean this wasn’t the first Christmas his mom wasn’t around. It also must’ve meant he likely saw it coming. And it made the realization even worse.

“...And I didn’t tell you all this so you could feel bad for me. Taeyeonie and I are fine. I just… I was thinking about how sad she looks every time she opens her presents in the morning and only sees they’re from me. You know, on Christmas Eve I do nothing but watch movies with her to keep her distracted. But every time she hears a noise outside the door, her head snaps toward it. Like… like she’s expecting Mom to walk through it. It makes me angry. Because I want to give her the world, but I can’t give her the one thing I know would make her extremely happy. When she was younger, she used to ask questions, wonder why Mom wasn’t around on Christmas morning. Now, my blood boils because it’s like she already knows. She’s conditioned to it, like she doesn’t have to ask anymore. I can’t figure out which one feels worse.”

“Tae…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know. I’m sorry,” His voice wobbled too, but he was strong. He always had been. 

“Don’t be. You don’t have to be sorry about this.” They both fell into silence, and she wanted to ease his pain, so badly it lit up her entire body. She wanted to embrace both him and Taeyeon, the starry eyed little girl who had her heart the first day she met her. She wanted to do everything in her power to ease their pain, even a little bit. Without any hesitation, she let your heart take the wheel. “Would you guys maybe want to spend Christmas Eve with us?” 

~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N and her mom were on the third episode of a sitcom when she heard a car pull up in the driveway. Pausing the show, they both listened. One car door slam, two car door slam, three-

Jumping up to her feet, she rushed to the front door, her heart soaring at the sound of her dad and Hoseok’s voices blending together as they approached from the other side. Throwing the door open, her eyes immediately connected with Hoseok’s smiley gaze. She launched herself toward him, his laughter breaking past his lips as he accepted her hug effortlessly.

“Hobi! I’m so happy!” She tried to keep the tears at bay, but she was almost in disbelief at the change of events. At this time yesterday, she was unsure of how Christmas was going to play out. She was melancholic at the thought of not seeing her brother. Here she was twenty four hours later, holding him and thankful at the unexpected turn of events. 

Not soon after, her mom interrupted their moment to hug him, her own face shiny with tears. Hoseok offered up a comforting smile to her, but his whole body was bouncy with happiness. Just like he always should be. The feeling in her chest couldn’t be put into words, she was utterly filled to the brim with joy.

Turning to her dad, she hugged him just as tightly. He held her, a chaste kiss being placed atop her head.

“Thank you, dad. Thank you so much.”

“No, Y/N. Thank you.”

“Who’s this?” Once again, her mom interrupted another moment she was having. This time, she had garnered everyone’s attention at her questioning. Y/N’s gaze followed her mom’s inquisition, her eyebrows rising in surprise. Amongst all the embraces and happiness, she hadn’t noticed a lone figure standing back, hovering a little awkwardly. 

He was young, possibly a little younger than her. His hair was dark and shielding his eyes. The clothes that adorned his body were just as dark as his hair. Even though his appearance was gloomy, he had quite the boyish face. 

“Oh,” Hoseok strode over to the quiet guy, his arm falling across his shoulder as he addressed her and her mom with yet another blinding smile. “This is Jungkook. He’s my roommate back at my university. He can be a bit quiet, but once he warms up he’s gonna be as loud as me.”

“Great. Just what we need,” She offered up jokingly. She laughed at the sight of Jungkook flashing Hoseok a disbelieving look. 

“Oh,” Their mom’s tone was surprised but pleasant. “Is he spending Christmas with us?”

“Yeah, he is. Is that fine?” It was the first time Hoseok’s smile disappeared, worry creasing his  face. But he should know better. Growing up, their mom was avid in one particular message during Christmas: no one should spend it alone. Although Christmas Eve dinner typically had the same faces every year, she and Hoseok would expect to see someone there that hadn’t been the prior year. Their mom was soft like that. 

“The more the merrier. It’s nice to meet you, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~

There was a rhythmic knock at her bedroom door, and she could recognize it anywhere. Considering Hoseok liked to knock the beat of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, it was pretty easy to distinguish. Leaning back in her desk chair, she called out that the door was unlocked. It opened to reveal her smiley brother, inevitably making her a smiling mess too. The joy from earlier hadn’t worn off quite yet and if possible, it felt like she had received an early Christmas present. That’s exactly was. Hoseok was a gift.

“It’s good to be home.”

“It’s good to have you home. It wouldn’t have been the same without you here.” At her words, he beamed even brighter. She wondered if there was anyone as warm as him in the world. She would argue that no, there wasn’t anyone that could compete. 

He trailed into the room then, letting a comfortable silence fall between the two of them. She watched him as he fondly took in her room, chuckling at the sight of a goofy photo of both of them on her bedside. It had been too long since she last saw Hoseok.

“Where’s Jungkook?” She asked, curious about his friend. 

“He’s fine. He’s on the couch playing a game on his phone. I’ll be down there soon.” 

She nodded before asking, “Mom and dad?”

“Went to bed. They said the day took a toll on them. I agree. It was quite the roller coaster.” He finished his statement by spinning and eyeing her, as if she was a suspect in some interrogation room. She met his gaze head on, playing innocent. He continued talking. “I never would have woke up this morning thinking that dad would show up at my apartment, scaring Kook and demanding to see me. When I saw him, I felt like I died. But he wasted no time to apologize, grumpy face and all.”

She laughed a little before getting up and facing him. “I’m glad you accepted his apology.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“They hurt you. And didn’t show their support.”

He merely shook his head before he responded, “I love them and I missed them. We all make mistakes. What I want to know is if this was all your doing?”

For whatever reason, she grew a little shy. “I played a hand. I argued with dad and thought I didn’t get through to him. Mom took care of it though. To be honest, Taehyung gave me the idea to confront them in the first place. I wanted my big brother home.”

His face dawned with realization before suddenly he lurched forward and held her in a light chokehold, rubbing his knuckles on the top of her head. She shrieked in protest, fighting to get away from his arms. He was being too loud, but she had a feeling their parents wouldn’t be barging in to scold them tonight. Gosh, she really missed him. Even his too-strong cologne was the same, practically burning her nostrils. Most people loved it, but she always said a softer scent would better suit him.

After he finished his assault on her head, she huffed and shoved him away gently. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she glared at the sight of her unruly hair. She wasn’t angry, though, she was too happy to have him here.

“My little teddy looks so precious when she looks like a witch.”

“Shut up before I punch you in the throat.”

Yeah, mostly happy.

His eyes went comically wide as he held his hands up in surrender. “Violent! Geez, don’t cast a curse or anything.” Just like usual, his attention shifted as he threw himself on her bed. “Tae, huh? How is he? I think I haven’t seen him since your graduation.”

“He’s…” She was going to say he was fine, but it felt like a lie. Hoseok caught her hesitation, watching her closely.. “He’s tough. I admire him and his strength. He has some things going on with family. I invited him and Taeyeon to Christmas Eve dinner.”

His face was filled with understanding, knowing not to prod. “Are they coming?”

“He said he would think about it. I won’t force him to. I hope they come though.”

“Me too. I always thought he was cool. Cooler than the other friends you brought around,” He gave her a funny look at her eye roll before continuing, “And I haven’t seen Taeyeon since your graduation either. How old is she now?”

“She’s eight now. And we all know how much she loves you.” She feigned bitterness, but it had made her happy years ago when Tae’s younger sister took a liking to her brother. It made it feel like they had two more siblings. 

“What can I say? I’m everyone’s favorite,”He joked, sitting up on her bed. 

“The fact that you don’t know that that’s the actual truth is annoying.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” He dismissed as he stood to his feet. “Now I think it’s time to carry out our Christmas tradition.”

“It’s not Christmas yet.” She smiled at his pointed look. 

“It’s hot chocolate time! And The Polar Express! You know that Kook has never seen it?”

She exclaimed in horror, following him out the room. “The audacity! Speaking of... Kook,” Hoseok smiled at her awkward attempt to use the boy’s nickname, “Is everything alright with him? He’s spending Christmas with us…”

Hoseok’s voice grew quiet, which was odd considering he was so loud in any given situation. “Everything’s fine. The weather wasn’t looking good and his family didn’t want him flying out today. They got him a flight for the day after Christmas. He was really down, and it was one of the main reasons I was going to stay on campus too. But dad showing up out of nowhere really put a dent in my plans. There was no way I was leaving him there alone. So here we are.”

If possible, she admired her brother even more. He had the biggest heart, and one day she hoped to be as selfless as him. Their talk ended there, arriving to the living room to find Jungkook doing the exact thing Hoseok had said he was doing. His gaze jumped up at the sound of their arrival. 

“Kook, it’s time for us to change your life.”

Coolly, he raised one eyebrow. She wished she knew how to do that. “That doesn’t sound good. What nonsense are you going on about now?”

“Watch it, kid. Remember who’s older.”

Jungkook sighed, turning off his phone before he asked again, “What do you mean, change my life?”

Hoseok smiled creepily, evading the question entirely by staring at his friend for a beat too long. She quickly grew impatient, so she reached over and lugged him in the arm. He shouted in pain, effectively ending his theatrics as he complained underneath his breath.

She said, “We’re going to watch The Polar Express. I heard you’ve never seen it.”

“Oh, yeah I haven’t. Hoseok nearly killed me when I told him. You offended too?” The guy had a bit of sassiness to him. It was kind of refreshing, given that a lot of Hoseok’s friends were just like him: warm and bubbly. Jungkook was different, more quiet but more witty and unafraid. 

“No, I’m not. It is going to change you though. Hoseok and I love it.”

“Well. Let’s see if it’s worth all the hype.”

She merely shook her head before taking the recliner, grabbing the remote and finding The Polar Express. About ten minutes into the movie, Hoseok announced that it seemed like it was the perfect time for hot chocolate. The only issue was, neither of them wanted to get up and make it. After having the movie paused for too long as the siblings stared each other down, she suggested a game of rock, paper, scissors to determine who gets up.

“No fair. You know I’m not lucky.”

She shrugged. “Oh well. Best two out of three.” He sighed, before raising his fist to get ready. 

Jungkook called it out for them. The first round, Hoseok chose paper and she chose scissors.

Hoseok cursed, his face scrunching in concentration. She wanted to laugh, but she didn’t want to risk getting him angry. The second round went to him, her shushing him when he celebrated a little too loud. 

The last round, the two of them must’ve read each other’s mind as they picked the same play three straight times. Finally, Hoseok took the round as winner. Jumping to his feet, he danced around wildly, his arms flailing like a seal before he began a smooth dance.

“We get it, showoff. You can dance,” She hissed, having to control the urge to lug him once more. She wasted no time heading to the kitchen. 

“Your sister’s funny,” She heard Jungkook try and say quietly but failing miserably. Seems he and Hoseok do have a few things in common. It eased the loss she just experienced, a smile on her face as she prepared three hot chocolates.

As she waited for the milk to heat, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, her smile grew wider at the sight of her nickname for the person that pretty much owned her heart at this point. Reading the text, however, made her heart sink and her smile disappear. 

Yoyo:

Hey… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be making it back home in time. I’m working Christmas Eve and I couldn’t get it off. As for Christmas, I’m spending it with my family. 

I’m really sorry. I know you wanted me to-

She didn’t want to read the rest, the upset feeling overwhelming her as she set her phone down. Trying to get a reign on her emotions, she finished preparing the hot chocolates. Taking them to the boys, she gave them a weak smile before going back to retrieve her own mug. 

She remained pretty quiet for the rest of the movie, forcing a laugh every time Hoseok made a joke or Jungkook made a witty comment. Somehow, she managed to fool the boys into thinking she was okay. 

It seemed something really didn’t want this Christmas to go well for her. 

Yoongi wasn’t going to be here. 

“Psst. Y/N,” Jungkook whispered toward the end of the movie. Her eyes left the movie, trailing to him and seeing him gesture to her brother. A genuine smile tugged at her lips at the sight of a knocked out Hoseok, his head lulling on the armrest of the couch. 

She grabbed her phone, wanting to take a picture of the sight. However, the sight of another text made her pause. It was from nearly an hour ago, and she wanted to punch herself for not responding. She could only imagine how worried he must have been from her lack of response.

Yoyo:

I’m really sorry, Y/N. I know you’re upset. I really wanted to spend the dinner with you and your family. I know how much it means to you. I’ll make it up to you.

Shaking it off, she told herself she’d answer him later before she took a picture of her brother. She chose to pretend she didn’t notice Jungkook’s prolonged stare.

Soon enough, the movie ended and she realized it was officially after midnight. It was Christmas Eve. The thought both made her happy and sad. Although she was bummed Yoongi wasn’t going to make it, she was happy that Hoseok was home and that there was a chance she was going to make things a little easier for Taehyung and his sister. 

Yes, this was still going to be a good Christmas.

“What the?” Hoseok startled awake, his bloodshot eyes shooting to the now dark television screen. “I missed the ending?! Come on, it’s the best part! When the boy can hear the bell,” He gave up in his ramble, too tired as he lay back down on the couch. 

“You sleeping there?” She asked, amused.

He hummed, mumbling that Jungkook was taking his bed. She proceeded to go and grab him blankets and a pillow, assuming his last hum was a thank you. This holiday season was making her a little too emotional than usual, but she didn’t fight it as she ruffled his hair and whispered, “Goodnight, Hobi.”

“Night, Teddy.”

Jungkook followed in the walk upstairs. His voice was quiet, nervous to wake up her parents.

“Teddy?”

She sighed. “I’d rather not talk about that embarrassing memory.” 

He proceeded to nod in understanding. That is, until he responded with, “I see. I’m sure Hoseok will tell me the story when I ask.”

She gaped at him while he attempted to muffle a laugh. Leading him to Hoseok’s room, she pushed the door open and flicked on the lights. She paused in the doorway for a moment, taking everything in as she realized that Hoseok’s room was just like it used to be. Nothing really changed since he moved out three years ago, and the same went for her. She remembered the first year of college for him, and how incomplete the house had felt. The puzzle was back together again for the holiday.

“Wow. His room screams Hoseok.” Jungkook’s voice somewhere from behind her. She nodded along in agreement, taking in the one wall cluttered with movie posters, the longest wall with professional shots he took with his own camera, and the furthest wall painted white with black constellations. 

“It really is, huh? Kinda showcases how passionate he truly is.” She spoke fondly before stepping aside and letting him walk into the room. Jungkook moved past her, taking a moment before hesitantly sitting on his bed. 

“I really admire Hoseok. I’ll have to admit, when I first met him, he was a bit much. He’s just so… different from me. Different, but the same. It’s hard to explain.” Jungkook shook his head, his fringe moving in the process. Watching him like this, a boyish young man in the center of her brother’s room, made her feel… almost like younger Hoseok was before her. She did sense that about him, how he was different but similar to him Life was like that sometimes. Maybe that’s why he and Hoseok clicked. 

“I understand what you mean. Hoseok has that effect on everyone. Whenever I try and tell him how great he is, he doesn’t really see it.”

Jungkook stared back at her, confident and assured now. It was vastly different from her first impression of him. “That’s how most great people are.”

She held his gaze for a moment before cracking a smile and plopping down in Hoseok’s desk chair. Albeit, she had to move several articles of clothing to even sit down, but she didn’t mind. Hoseok was an array of color, touching every single surface and every single person. 

“Hoseok talks about you a lot, you know. I felt like I knew you long before I met you,” His eyes were distant, like he was a grandfather retelling stories to his grandchildren. He looked at peace, his smile easy. It was a sight to behold. A slight chuckle bubbled out from his chest, one that she didn’t think he was aware of, before he threw her for another loop. “You know, he sees you the way you see him. It’s pretty sweet.”

She could only blink at him, not really sure what to say. She knew how close she was to Hoseok, she just never really thought about how he viewed her. She thought the world of him, and according to Jungkook he saw her the same way. 

A confused but sincere smile found her lips. Something about Jungkook’s admittance was enough to dismiss anything that was hanging over her head, if only for a moment. And spending time around Jungkook quickly made her understand why Hoseok adored him. 

“Tell me about your family, Jungkook. That is, if you want to.”

Her words surprised him, she could see it in his face. He blinked once before he nervously laughed it off. “Sure. Well, I don’t know if Hoseok told you but I’m going home the day after Christmas. The weather is pretty bad on the way back home. So they thought it was best to hold off a day or two. My mom’s a bit paranoid like that. It’s okay, though, I understand. She’s…” And at the mention of his mom, stars flickered in his eyes. 

He jumped right in, describing this driven and passionate woman, unmoved by hardships and stern in her ways. He spoke so highly of her, and how he wanted to take care of her the moment he got out of university. He described her like she was the greatest woman in the world, and she adored that. She could tell how much he loved his mom. 

Soon, he was talking rapidly and passionately, his eyes glancing at her here and there but mostly in another world as he started retelling memories. His attention shifted to his dad and his brother, how similar the two of them were and how balanced they made him and his mom. Where he took after his mom, his brother took after his dad. Regardless of the differences though, they seemed like a tight knit family.

After awhile, Jungkook lost all of his fire to continue talking about them. But in its wake was a lovely boy with distant eyes and a soft smile. It made her heart squeeze, both out of happiness that she got to know a little more about him and sadness for the fact that he wouldn’t get to spend Christmas day with them.

“I’m sorry you’re not with them right now. But soon you will be. And I’ll make sure you have a good Christmas with us.” Her voice was strong, firm as she tried to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. 

He didn’t seem as down as he was before though, choosing to nod with a smile. He whispered a thank you, the smile still present and reassuring her. It baffled her, because it should’ve been the other way around. She got the feeling that Jungkook wasn’t the type that liked to be worried about. However, in the short time knowing him, she was another person on his side.

Before she bid him goodnight, he left her with a short statement that melted her heart. 

“You know, you remind me of my mom. And if that’s anything to go by, I can tell you are someone I’ll love having around.”

And as she dozed off, a smile flickered on her lips. She held onto that feeling, refusing to let any of her worries creep in. When you’d wake, it would be Christmas Eve.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Nutcracker

She woke up to the sound of Hoseok’s booming voice. 

Any other day and it probably would have irritated her. But it was finally Christmas Eve, and she could bear the sound on this particular day. After she cleaned herself up, she headed downstairs to find an odd but endearing sight. Her dad was sitting at the table with both Hoseok and Jungkook, in the middle of telling them a story.

“Isn’t this an interesting sight?” She uttered at her mom as she walked past with her coffee mug. She shot her a look of agreement, but she could see in her mom’s eyes that she was just as happy as she’s been since Hoseok arrived.

“Sleeping beauty finally decided to join us!” Her dad acknowledged her, his eyes twinkling with his own joy.

“More like Maleficent,” Hoseok attempted to subtly tell Jungkook, but they all know his lack of whispering skills.

She shot him an irritated look, which he tried to soothe with his beaming smile. It worked.

“So. What’s on the list of to dos before dinner tonight? I know Mom has something planned for us all,” She sighed, pulling out the chair across from Jungkook and beside her dad. At the sight of recently cooked croissants, she picked one up with excitement. As she began eating, Hoseok proceeded to answer her question.

“Well first off, I’m taking this kid,” He hooked a thumb toward Jungkook, “To buy an outfit for tonight. He owns nothing festive. That just won’t do. I am not letting him eat an amazing Christmas meal wearing nothing but black sweats.”

Jungkook rubbed his forehead in clear distress. “I guess I understand.”

She chuckled. “Don’t overdo it, Hobi. If he’s comfortable, leave him be-”

“Nuh-uh, nope. I don’t care if he only ends up wearing a simple green sweater. As long as there’s some color, I’ll be satisfied.” She knew that wasn’t what was going to happen.

“Good luck, Jungkook,” She told him seriously, and she watched as he flashed her a look of dismay. He looked toward their dad for help, but he was lost in his own little world as he typed away at his computer.

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook whispered, as if she could help him. Truth is, she was relieved that someone else was Hoseok’s victim for a change. With his focus on Jungkook, she could get away with a semi-decent red sweater and pants if she wanted. He was on his own. 

Before she even got a chance to let him know that, her mother calling her over interrupted the conversation.

She got up quickly, but not before she shot him a thumbs up and said, “You’ll be fine. Hoseok, go easy on him.”

“No promises,” was his hollered response before she found her mom in the living room. She walked in with the intention of asking her a question, but it died on her lips at the sight of an unfamiliar man standing at the front door. The first thing she noticed was how tall he was, broad shouldered and practically taking up the whole foyer. The next thing she noticed was how stunning he was, perhaps the most breath-taking man she ever saw with her own eyes. His hair was dark and swept off his forehead, professional and serious. His eyebrows looked perfectly shaped, pulled in a furrow. His lips were plump, turned downward in a slight frown. The clothes that adorned him made it look like he just came back from an important meeting. He was all business. No pleasure. He was art, a painting of a stunning man frozen in his sorrows.

“Uh…” His gaze turned to her, searing and making her feel flustered.

Her mom was a different picture entirely, bright like a night light. She clapped once in excitement, before she said, “Y/N! I’ve been waiting for this moment, you don’t even know. Do you remember the Kims from across the street? This is their eldest son, Seokjin! I’ve told you about him, how he helps me and your dad out. I thought you’d never get to meet him, but luck is on our side! He made it back for the holiday!”

She suddenly felt severely under-dressed when meeting someone as intimidating as he looked. But as she stepped forward and extended a hand, his lips lifted into a smile that looked like it was meant for someone special. It made her feel warm all over, her lips glued shut as she reached out and shook his hand.

“Your mother has told me a lot about you. She’s really proud of you, and all of her praises made me curious to meet the one and only.” His voice was melodic, less bold than she expected. 

“I,uh, yeah she’s told me about you too,” At least she thought she did, considering she could not remember a thing about the man in front of her. 

“Seokjin was just dropping by to give us these homemade cookies,” She held up a container happily, “Isn’t he so sweet? You really didn’t have to.”

“I know, but it was a small token for all of the times you and your husband have taken me in for a nice dinner. You know my parents are always travelling. That big house can be quite lonely.” She knew her mom too well, watching in mild horror as she recognized the twinkle in her eye.

The question may seem innocent to an outsider, but she knew where it was leading. “What are you plans for the evening? I know your parents are travelling for the holiday.”

He shook his head and did a playful eye roll. “When aren’t they travelling? But anyways, Namjoon is flying in for the holiday. Haven’t seen him in who knows how long, but he’s finally coming home. We were thinking of maybe ordering takeout and watching a movie or something. He doesn’t really do anything for the holidays. Our other brothers are all scattered.”

She watched as if it were a movie unfolding, her mother shooting him her signature smile. “I would hate for the both of you to not have a home cooked meal on today of all days. The two of you should come over tonight.”

Immediately Seokjin shook his head, his hands coming up to politely refuse. “No, it’s fine, really-”

“It just won’t do, son.” Y/N mouthed the word ‘son’ to herself, wondering how exactly this young man snuck his way into her mom’s heart. “We’d love for you to join us. It’s a tradition we uphold every year, to have Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends. My best friend and her family are coming, my kids are home for the holiday, and others are coming. Everyone is welcome. And now I think it would make it absolutely perfect if you and your brother join us.”

Seokjin stared at her mother with a slightly agape mouth, causing her to hold back a laugh. He looked like he was backed into a corner, his face frozen in surprise. Finally he got over his shock, composing himself by smoothing down his dress shirt and clearing his throat.

“A-are you sure? I wouldn’t want to make things worse on you-”

“Seokjin! Is that you?” The three of them turned at the sight of all the men in the house making their way into the room. She felt bad for this man she just met. She watched in confusion as her father stepped forward and embraced him. 

Hoseok looked just as curious as her, looking to her for an answer to his question. She just shrugged. 

“How are you? We haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Seokjin focused all his attention on her parents, explaining to them what he’s been up to and how busy work has made him. She sidled up next to her brother and Jungkook.

“Who is this guy? And why does he look like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine?” Jungkook asked, the three of them watching the interaction happening in front of them.

Y/N uttered, “I guess he’s our neighbor. The Kims’ son. Why haven’t we met him before?”

Hoseok shrugged, humming in thought before he said, “He must be the really successful one. The one never around.”

“Hey Seok? Probably shouldn’t talk about him,” Jungkook uttered.

“Why?”

“Because you can’t whisper and they’re looking at you.”

Hoseok looked at him confusingly before trailing to his parents. His eyes widened comically, their gazes angry and Seokjin’s amused. Nervously laughing it off, he stepped forward and introduced himself. 

She simply observed, watching as Hoseok cracked a few jokes and made Seokjin laugh. Everyone seemed to ease up, and soon enough it felt natural. The topic of tonight came up again, and her mom didn’t hesitate to sink her claws into him once more.

With your dad staring at him, it seemed Seokjin couldn’t refuse anymore.

“Alright. I’ll let Namjoon know the change of plans. We’ll see you tonight.”

Her mom clapped with glee, causing she and her brother to share a look. It seemed like Seokjin was her favorite kid and he wasn’t even her son. Their dad clapped him on the back, shaking his hand and enthusing about seeing him tonight. 

“It was nice meeting you,” Seokjin’s gaze swept past her and Hoseok with a polite nod before he headed out the door. 

Their parents stood at the front door, their mom shouting, “And dress down, Seokjin! We want you to be comfortable!” His yell back was indiscernible, but at the small exchange she witnessed, she was officially curious about this man whom her parents loved.

When their parents turned back to the room, their smiles died down at the sight of their questioning children.

“What?” Their dad grumbled, his eyes narrowing.

Hoseok laughed through his question, “What was that?!”

“What was what?”

“Is he our long lost brother?” She joked,  pretty amused with how smitten her parents had seemed.

“What are you talking about?” Their mom asked, that previous excitement she had displayed long gone now.

“You guys stared at him with heart eyes. I’m a little hurt,” Hoseok wiped away

an imaginary tear.

“Oh relax. He’s just an amazing young man. He’s so thoughtful and responsible. I think you and Y/N will really like him once you get to know him,” Their mom sounded confident, before she walked past and to the kitchen. She called Y/N to follow her. 

Her started washing the breakfast dishes, chatting with her and letting her know the game plan of how the day was going to go, what needed to be done before dinner time. A few minutes passed before the topic of Seokjin came up again. However, this time around she learned more than before.

“You know, I’m really glad he’s coming tonight. I was hoping he would end up agreeing. He is such a good man with a big heart. I know you and Hoseok don’t really know him yet, but trust me when I say you’ll love him just as much as I do. And,” she sighed, piquing her attention as she looked at her mom curiously, “My heart goes out to him. Not everyone is as fortunate to spend time with family during the holidays. Some people aren’t affected by that. The Kims have never been festive like that, and that’s completely fine. But… given what’s recently happened with Seokjin, I didn’t want him to have a gloomy night.”

“What happened?” She found herself asking. At her next words, her heart saddened for the man she just met.

“Recently, his fiancée called off their engagement. To be quite honest, she broke his heart. And he hasn’t really been the same since. I just want him to have a good dinner with us, at the least.”

Thinking back on Seokjin, she never would’ve guessed he was hurting. He was so put together, his smiles effortless. The revelation was unfortunate, but she was impressed by the strength the man so obviously possessed. She was completely on board with the idea of giving him a good Christmas Eve dinner. 

“I’m glad he’s coming.”

Her mom looked over her shoulder at her, reciprocating a smile. “Me too, Y/N. Me too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The holiday music was soft and playing in the background, but it caressed her skin. The smell of dinner wafted from the kitchen, filling up the entire house with a gentle and mouth-watering sensation.  The air was warm, and she couldn’t decide if it was because of the body heat or the heater. The room carried an almost angelic glow, and she was positive that if she told anyone, they would look at her funny. There was truly nothing quite like Christmas, and it had shown up before she could give it a proper greeting. 

“You look nice.” Hoseok’s voice came from behind, and she turned to greet him with a smile. He was dressed for the part, his hair parted and neat. His ensemble was a bit… much, given his usual style. She didn’t comment, because admittedly he looked handsome in his maroon fitted sweater with a collar and slacks.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked.

“Oh, nothing. I was just expecting you to comment on how I wasn’t following the Christmas color theme.” She hadn’t expected less, considering she was wearing a white sleeved shirt and a skirt. Nothing too fancy, but still a bit considerate.

Hoseok merely shrugged. “Unfortunately, you weren’t my responsibility this year. Kook is a lot more picky than he looks. I practically had to drag him out of the store with one new outfit. One. Speaking of that kid, he should be coming down any moment now,” His head was craned and his eyes were drawn to the hall where the stairs resided. But that wasn’t where her focus laid, no, it was something much more pressing. 

So far, only her aunt and uncle had arrived with her cousins. Currently, they were running around and hollering louder than necessary. But she didn’t mind, not when her mind was split in a few different directions. 

One reason was the fact that the neighbor’s son Seokjin and his brother had arrived about five minutes earlier. They were currently in the corner of the room, conversing with her father and making him laugh at something she couldn’t hear but likely wasn’t that funny. She found it easier to admit as time passed, Kim Seokjin was definitely a sight that she couldn’t exactly pull away from with the snap of a finger. The man should be on magazine covers. 

Another probing thought was whether or not Taehyung was showing up. He had stopped answering her texts around noon, the last topic being about him still unsure if he was attending. She hoped with all her heart he would show. 

The most prominent thought plaguing her, so much that it was the one she had to fight to suppress if she didn’t want to be down all night, was Yoongi. She hadn’t really gotten much opportunity to talk to him since he broke the news to her, but it was true that she couldn’t find the words. Genuinely, she understood where he was coming from and was happy. She would never want someone to not get the opportunity to spend time with her family. That didn’t dismiss her disappointment in not getting to see him tonight, the night she had been dreaming to see him for a while now. 

It was the reason they had held off coming to visit each other at each other’s schools. He was older, about to graduate and she had a while to go. She knew he was busy most of the time, so they figured that the next best thing was to spend time with each other on the holidays. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out when they both had jobs and lived a few hours from each other. 

The two of them hadn’t even figured out what this was, but all she knew was that she wanted to make it work. When she realized her feelings for him, she knew that he was it for her. He was her Christmas in a person. 

To not have her Christmas person not with her on Christmas Eve, well, it was a major disappointment. All she could do was keep her head up. 

“Hey teddy… I was trying to wait for you to approach the subject first, but you know me and my impatience. It’s Christmas Eve after all,” She was confused to see Hoseok acting slightly nervous, but she understood why moments later, “Is Yoongi joining us tonight or not?”

Spluttering, all of her breath that had been currently inhabiting your lungs disappeared. She stared at her brother wide-eyed, wondering how he could possibly know-

“Do you think I’m stupid? Both of you are so smitten, it’s disgusting. I’m the one who introduced the two of you. Not only that, I spend the better half of my weeks with the guy. Lastly, you two are the least sneaky people I have ever met. Did you guys really think I wouldn’t find out? And neither of you are actually hiding it considering he’s always asking me about you and you’re constantly bringing him up and-”

“Okay, okay. I get it. You figured it out.” She sighed, rubbing at her forehead. If anything, it made her heart even heavier. 

Min Yoongi wasn’t just a guest that had been invited on short notice. In fact, he was never meant to be a guest. He was a man that spoke more with his hands, the way that he gripped onto her for a second longer than necessary or when he pressed into her back to lead her. She had to watch him to understand him, specifically his face, to know what was really on his mind. She knew when he was tired, his eyes low and his speech even slower than usual. His happiness was easier to observe, his lips loose and his eyes carrying a subtle excitement.

As luck would have it, she had met him by chance when she had went to surprise visit Hoseok earlier this year. The two of them hadn’t fallen for each other at first, mostly spending time together that one time. She remembered her innocent curiosity, requesting to follow him on social media and how he took a day to accept. He was the first to message, their conversations light and inquisitive. 

It wasn’t long before she started to feel a shift in their conversations, how profound and intimate they became. She was the first to make an excuse to come and visit. She did it a second time. He did it the third. Whenever she looked into his dark eyes, it was like looking into another world.. Dark eyes carried her solace, carried a mirror to the life she wanted to live. Eyes that weren’t actually dark but an array of colors, all brand new and enamoring.

She liked to compare him to home. To anyone else, it might be a house with no distinctive feature. To her, it was walking in and feeling like she could finally and fully be herself. 

In nearly a year, he had become one of the most important people in her entire life. And deep down, she knew he always would be. 

“Y/N? Are you going to answer me? I didn’t get to see him much this last month. Whenever I was working, he wasn’t and vice versa. Last time I talked to him, he told me he was trying his best to come visit you, but he wasn’t positive.”

“How long have you known?” She ignored how sad she actually sounded, attempting to toughen up and tell herself that him not being present didn’t have to sour the night.

Hoseok shrugged, a certain glint in his eye. His eyes found the Christmas tree as he answered. “You’re my baby sis. And he’s a good friend. I was suspicious at first, because he seemed a little lighter after you visited that first time. And you seemed a lot more giddy. It didn’t take a genius to see the signs after you visited two more times in the same month,” She covered her face in embarrassment, wondering if he was angry.

Again, he answered her silent question. “I’m happy for you. I don’t need to know all the details. As long as he treats you well, and the both of you are happy, then I’m happy.”

She couldn’t help but embrace him, her heart soaring as she wondered how she had been blessed to have such a phenomenal brother. Pulling away, she whispered her thanks. At the sound of her mom calling for her, she figured she would answer her brother and use the new guests as her escape.

“He can’t come tonight. I’ll probably see him when next semester starts.” She ignored his exclaim of confusion, pausing in the entrance of the kitchen and composing her erratic feelings. Even if Yoongi wasn’t here, it didn’t mean the night would be any less special. That’s what she kept telling herself. She knew it was true, but it was hard to snap out of her disappointment.

She stepped into the room with a smile, a question on the tip of her tongue before she stopped in her tracks. 

Her mother was sitting at the dining room table, Seokjin sat across from her with an attentive smile adorning his lips. She spotted Y/N, her face lit up as she enthusiastically waved her over. She approached slowly, his smile fading at the sight of her for a moment before he adjusted it into something more friendly.

“I was just telling Seokjin about how you’re still in school, studying and working hard for your major.”

He waved his hand. “Please, call me Jin. Seokjin makes me feel old.”

“Oh hon, you’re not old. Trust me.” It was odd to hear her mother’s unrestrained laugh, to see the same adoration that she held for her and Hoseok shimmer in her eyes as she gazed at Seokjin. Y/N wondered what exactly it was about the man before her that had her mom enamored.

“How did you like your classes this past semester?”His voice was gentle in addressing someone he barely knew. But she had heard him earlier among his banter with her dad. He had a strong personality hidden in the depth of those curious eyes, a loud voice in which he was restraining out of politeness or weariness, she did not know. 

She entertained his questions, a mild conversation about school and work ensuing between the two of them. At one point, her mom spoke about having to leave for a moment. 

She thought she would feel uncomfortable alone with him, but it was quite the opposite. He was a character, animated in his story-telling and thundering in his laughter. Little by little, she opened up and saw why her parents adored him. 

“Truthfully, I’m happy your mother called you in here. I had been meaning to officially meet you. She loves talking about you and Hoseok. So much that, she actually made me excited to meet you two.”

“That so? I never really thought about her doing that,” Her eyes found the fabric on top of the table, her hands tracing the design. For whatever reason, she was shy at the thought. If he noticed, he didn’t comment.

“Believe me, she does. She really loves the two of you. And… I know it meant a lot to her that Hoseok was able to come.” Ah, so he knew about the previous divide in the family. She wondered just how much he happened to know. 

“Well,” She waved her hand, “That’s behind us. I did notice how much she happens to love you. My dad too. You’re like their third kid or something.”

His eyes shone with pride for a moment before it dulled, his smile fading. “Yeah… they’re really great. Without them, I don’t know if I would’ve pulled through some rough moments I had this year.”

What her mother told her earlier rang in her ears. It jostled her, but only for a moment. She shook it off, giving him a gentle smile.

“I’m glad I got to meet you, Jin. It means a lot that you came tonight.”

Without looking at Y/N, a smile grew on his lips. “It means more to me than you’ll ever know, that I’m here tonight. Your parents are something else.”

“And so are you. Otherwise, they wouldn’t love you so much.” She watched as his neck grew flushed.

“Thank you, Y/N.” A whisper.

“No need to thank-”

“No, really. Thank you.” 

And for his sake, she pretended not to notice the actual shine in his eyes, instead returning the smile he directed at her. 

He was a good man, indeed. And she hoped this was the first night of many that built him back up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Carolers

She was joking around with Hoseok and Jungkook when the doorbell rang, only to reveal the Parks had finally arrived. They stood poised in the doorway, her mother exclaiming loudly at the sight of her best friend. As they exchanged hugs, Mr. Park maneuvered around them to greet her dad, leaving Jimin hovering in the doorway. 

“There’s Jimin,” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows, causing Y/N to roll her eyes.

“What’s the scoop on him?” Jungkook asked. 

“Nothing. He’s yet another one of my friends Y/N has had a crush on.”

“Dude!” Y/N exclaimed, walking away from him and slinking into the couch as she ignored his teasing laughter. 

To distract herself from her brother, she watched her little cousins run past, her uncle chasing them. Her aunt joined the other older women, the three of them catching up on whatever it was they needed to talk about. 

It was nice and full, so warm and angelic. It was almost complete. Almost. 

Looking over, she noticed that Jimin had made it inside and was in the middle of unwrapping his scarf from his neck. His face was slimmer now, more mature. Her heart was trained to jump at the sight of him, but he didn’t give her that longing feeling he used to give her. 

That feeling was reserved for someone else, now. 

Checking her phone, she noticed a text had come in from Yoongi around thirty minutes ago. They had been texting on and off all day. She could tell he was feeling awful about not being able to make it, but she reassured him that she understood. It was still sad to not have him around on this wonderful day. 

Yoyo:

How’s everything going? 

Y/N:

Going well so far! Mostly everyone is here. Taehyung hasn’t shown up with his sister yet. And my mom invited the neighbors’ sons. They might show up. 

He responded quickly. He always had since the moment they first talked. 

Yoyo:

I’m sure they will. 

Are you excited for tonight? 

Y/N:

Yes I am! It’s my favorite holiday. Since I was little, I’ve had nothing but golden memories of this day. It’s…. Magical. 

To be completely truthful, the answer to his question was yes and no. It wasn’t perfect without him, but he was with her through the phone. And that had to be enough for her. She hoped he would have the best Christmas ever. If anyone deserved to, it was him. 

In the middle of texting him that, someone sat beside her. Looking up, her face contorted into surprise. Quickly, it morphed into a soft smile to mimic Jimin’s own. 

“Y/N.”

“Jimin.” She looked into the young man’s eyes that used to keep her up at night daydreaming, and now all she felt was a distant fondness. He may have matured in his looks, but he still had the same boyish eyes. 

“How are you? I usually ask Hoseok but now that I’m finally seeing you, I figured I didn’t need the messenger.”

She acknowledged his tone with a bigger smile. “I’ve been really well. The semester was busy but I survived. And I got a new job, which makes the days go by quicker. I’m honestly really happy to be home. What about you? How is it living so far away?”

Jimin tilted his head in thought. She took a moment to study him up close. He was styling his hair different now, more of a mature look. He had it swept to one side of his forehead, but other than that it was a short and neat haircut. It was pretty short now, remembering in high school he would let it grow out and dye it blond. He was back to more of a natural look, and she adored it. 

A part of her was always going to adore him. He was, after all, her first crush. Before Yoongi, she referred to him as her first love. Now that knew what love really was, she knew otherwise. 

“I’ve adjusted. It was pretty hard at first. Being away from everyone. I missed my parents a lot and thought about transferring. Somewhere around November, I found my groove. I’ve met a couple friends who make the days easier. And I really love my major.”

“I could never do Environmental Engineering. Highly impressive.”

“Ah, we all have our different skills.” There he was, the Jimin from her memory. He downplayed everything because he wanted everyone to feel good. He was an angel even in the slightest ways. 

They went on to talk about different things, first catching up and asking about each other and then moving onto reminiscing. It was peaceful, being able to talk with someone who knew her childhood. It was rare to have a connection with someone because they were apart of that, and they understood that part of you. 

Going to college, one meets all kinds of different people. They come in endless different forms, and one forms new and unforgettable bonds that may last for a lifetime. There is no one quite like the people you knew beforehand, the ones that were around when growing up. 

Those people are a different tier, a tier of old memories and different kind of fondness. 

He had just made Y/N laugh when the doorbell rang once more. Hoseok opened it this time, grabbing her attention when he shouted, “Hey! It’s been so long, man!”

She jumped up at the sight of Taehyung, his sister peeking out from behind him. She rushed over to them, and at the acknowledgement of Taehyung’s smile, she hugged him tightly. 

“I’m so glad you decided to come,” She whispered.

“I realized I couldn’t miss spending time with you and your family. You guys were always good to me.”

“And we always will be.” She pulled away and they looked at each other with appreciation, mostly with different reasons but the same sentiment. 

She ushered him inside, both of them pausing at the sight of Taeyeon chatting up a storm with Hoseok. He was knelt to her level, a blinding smile on his lips. She had forgotten how he pulled out a side to her none of them usually saw. 

Hoseok sparked minds, old or young.

Once her brother noticed them, he uttered something to Taeyeon and then pointed at the two of them. Taeyeon turned and widened her eyes, rushing to the both of them. Yanking on their hands, she pulled them forward. 

Y/N and Taehyung shared a look, before going along with it.

“Come on! Hoseok told me you have toys packed away in your closet! Let’s play with them!”

“Hoseok,” She called her brother, who raised his hands in surrender.

“She asked me if I still had my toy train. I do not. But you have your old toys so.”

“You need to come too, Hobi!” Taeyeon instructed, the mention of his name causing his eyes to widen in shock. 

“Me?” He asked, pointing to himself.

“Yes, silly! You’re the only Hobi I know,” She whispered loudly to Y/N, “Kind of a weird name.” 

Hoseok’s mouth dropped, looking offended and causing Taehyung and Y/N to laugh. Thankfully, before Taeyeon could successfully pull them onto the stairs, Y/N and Hoseok’s parents stopped them. 

Her mom stepped in front of them, greeting them with a cherry red smile. “My, my. If it isn’t the daredevil duo. I haven’t seen you since you were six,” She greeted toward Taeyeon, who grew shy at the new amount of attention. She ducked behind her brother again, causing the adults around her to laugh. 

“Sorry, she’s still a little shy whenever someone new talks to her,” Taehyung apologized.

“You don’t have to apologize. Some kids are.” Her mom stepped to Taehyung and gently placed her hands on his shoulders. “Taehyung, you’ve grown so much. We’ve missed having you around.”

“I’ve missed coming around, too. Everything’s changed, huh?” He said, stepping into her hug. 

“Yes, it has. I know it’s for the good, but sometimes you can’t tell if it really is,” She told him. 

Y/N and Hoseok stayed quiet, knowing not to comment on that. They knew how sentimental their mother could be, and they knew it was hard for her to have both of them out of the house for most of the year. It hurt Y/N more than she would ever reveal to her, because she knew it would only make it harder for everyone. 

So she put on a smile and asked Taeyeon if she wanted to meet some new friends as Taehyung caught up with her parents. 

Taeyeon nodded, taking her hand and letting Y/N lead her to where Jimin and Jungkook stood in the kitchen. Hoseok had joined them right before her, noticing they were talking about some Netflix show the three of them loved. She cut them off, but she had a feeling they wouldn’t mind.

“Sorry to interrupt, but a friend of mine here would like to meet you guys! Taeyeon, this is Jimin and Jungkook.”

“We’ve met before. We had lots of fun at your birthday party a couple years ago, remember?” Jimin smiled down at her. His eyes widened in shock at her response.

“I don’t remember you. You were at my party?”

Hoseok nodded. “Yeah! Remember? Your brother invited Y/N and me! We brought Jimin with us. We bought you your own toy train, and then we jumped in your bouncy house with you!”

“I remember that, but I only remember Hobi being there,” She said accusingly, as if Jimin were lying to her. 

He struggled for words, not knowing what to say as everyone else stifled their laughter at the little girl’s probing gaze.

“I-uh, well, I was, uh, I was there. You must not remember! I wouldn’t lie about that. The party was so fun! I loved the cake. I even helped you when you couldn’t find your friends in hide and seek! I pointed out where they hid!”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “So you’re a liar and a cheater!”

“What?!” Jimin exclaimed. 

Hoseok burst out in laughter, causing Y/N to follow. Jungkook was a little better at maintaining his control, deciding to throw Jimin a line.

“Hi, I’m Jungkook. So you’re the sister of…?”

“Taehyung. He’s my brother. He’s in there talking to the adults. He’s pretty cool. Sometimes. You might like him.”

“I’m sure I will,” Jungkook said, a smile tugging at his lips. They were all amused, taken aback by Taeyeon’s sharpness with Jimin. 

It was a pleasant conversation after that, all of them loving Taeyeon’s insight. They even consoled her when she worried about there being no kids there, as if on cue Y/N’s young cousins bolting in. They asked Taeyeon to play with them, and she agreed shyly. 

Once she was gone, they all sat at the kitchen table. It was odd for Y/N, almost as if she were transported back into the past. If it weren’t for Jungkook, she could fool herself into being back in high school on a Friday night, waiting for popcorn to finish in the microwave so her, Hoseok, and Jimin could watch a movie. 

Taehyung soon joined them. Then, her mom and her uncle trailed into the kitchen, continuing whatever they were finishing up for dinner. Y/N introduced Taehyung to Jungkook, but let him do his own thing. It always depended with him. Sometimes, he was quiet with meeting new people, sometimes he was loud with his personality. 

It seemed they were all vibing well, not having any trouble keeping a conversation going. She liked this, having warm faces surrounding her. It made this Christmas special on its own, because the majority of the people sat at the same table as her, she hadn’t known if they would be in attendance at all. 

These were her people. This was her home. 

She realized why people believed in Christmas miracles. Sometimes someone can find themselves wondering if Christmas will work out. And somehow, in some way, all the pieces fall right into place. 

Just then, the doorbell rang for the last time. Hearing her dad’s greeting from the living room, they knew it was the two brothers from the neighborhood. 

“I’m not even lying, the oldest brother looks like a Disney prince,” Hoseok spoke with conviction, upon Jimin and Taehyung’s look of question on who just arrived. 

Taehyung looked to Y/N for agreement, and she nodded. 

“He’s not that good-looking. He’s no Prince Naveen,” Jungkook muttered. When they all looked at him, he added, “What? Am I the only one watching Disney plus or what?”

They all looked at him for even longer before Hoseok ignored him altogether, “Alright. Let’s go greet them.”

Taehyung leaned over to Y/N and uttered, “Looks like Hopeful’s got a man crush.”

“Looks like everyone does. Even my parents are in love with the guy. I don’t blame them. He’s pretty great.”

“That so? Then I got to meet this supposed prince.” His tone was sarcastic, but she knew that because he was joking around. Whenever he joked around, it meant he was comfortable. And it made her chest flutter with love. 

There was nothing more satisfying than seeing the people she loved when they were happy. She wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

“Then let’s go, Prince Tae.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The group made their way into the living room, just as her dad began to introduce the pair to everyone else in the room. 

“Everyone! These are the Kims’ sons from across the street. You all know Seokjin,” Her dad clapped a hand on the man in question, grinning with pride as if it were his own son, “And this is his younger brother, Namjoon.”

The latter seemed to be the complete opposite of his brother, looking more frazzled than put together. Seokjin immediately moved over to Y/N’s mom, looking her over with a warm smile. Namjoon hovered awkwardly, hands in his jeans. His button up blue shirt was wrinkled, and it looked as if he had tried to make his hair neat and failed. His glasses were slipping down his nose, and she watched as he continue to reach up and adjust them. 

For whatever reason, she knew she already liked him. 

“Anyone else noticing how they’re all fawning over that guy?” Jimin nodded his head at Seokjin, who had just made all of the adults he was talking to, laugh.

Hoseok shook his head, huffing playfully. “That guy is stealing my brand.”

“Won’t hurt if you’re knocked down a few tiers,” Y/N joked, ignoring his glare. Shaking him gently, she hoped it was enough to comfort him before announcing, “I’m going to introduce myself to his brother.”

She wasn’t surprised when the group dispersed, Taehyung being the only one to follow her. They walked over to the newcomer, and her heart felt for him as he rocked on his heels, looking as if he didn’t know what to do with himself. Noticing their approach, he pulled his hands out of his pockets and fumbled for a moment before deciding to clasp them together. 

“Hi,” She greeted with a smile, “I’m Y/N. I’m happy you decided to join us.”

“I’m still figuring out if it was a good idea, considering no one has even noticed I’m here with the star that he is,” He rolled his eyes as he motioned to Seokjin, but otherwise was unbothered. 

“We noticed,” Taehyung said seriously.

Namjoon paused at that, before sliding his glasses up his nose. “I’m Namjoon. Pretty different from my social butterfly brother.”

“Different isn’t bad,” Y/N shrugged.

“I agree,” Namjoon gave the room a onceover. “Nice place. It’s a lot more warmer here than at home.”

Y/N and Taehyung glanced at each other, not knowing what to say. Namjoon stifled a laugh at their faces. “I meant that we don’t decorate for Christmas or anything like that. Our family doesn’t really celebrate.”

“Really?” Y/N inquired, mildly surprised. She didn’t come across many people who didn’t celebrate, but she knew there was obviously people that didn’t. She respected and understood that, but it made her sad to think of people not experiencing the joy she experienced at this time of year. 

Namjoon nodded. “Which is why I was surprised Jin insisted on us coming over here.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Why is that?”

“Your brother was hesitant to accept his invitation.”

Namjoon waved the statement off. “That’s just him being humble. He loves your parents, always talks about them. In fact, I’m really glad. I know things haven’t been… smooth for him. So, it was good to hear something had him excited. I’m really here for him, if anything.”

Y/N nodded once. “I’m glad then. Glad he has you.”

Before they could continue further, her mother announced that dinner was ready. And so the night officially began. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The Angel

All of the parents were sitting in the dining room, her mom directing the young adults to sit either at the kitchen’s smaller table or in the living room. Y/N and Hoseok didn’t complain, knowing the routine, so they found themselves huddled around the small kitchen table with their friends. Namjoon had been convinced into sitting with Seokjin and the adults. Y/N wished she could save him, seeing how quiet he was with them, but he decided to leave him be after he shot her a reassuring smile. 

She sat across from her brother, Jimin on one side of her and Taehyung on the other. It was a standard rectangular table, but she always appreciated this time of year when her mom pulled out a white knitted tablecloth. Hoseok disappeared for a moment as everyone settled into their seats, returning with a lighter. 

“What’s a dinner without candles lit in the center?”

“Hobi, we only do it on holidays. So technically, dinner would be just fine.”

“Hush. You’re ruining the sentiment.”

“Actually, you are by leaning over Jungkook’s plate.”

“Seriously,” Jungkook agreed, looking at Hoseok with disgust. Y/N laughed, both at his facial expression as well as Hoseok’s struggle to light them. 

“Dude, what the fu-” He stopped dead in his tracks when he glanced at Taeyeon, who insisted to eat with Taehyung. Clearing his throat, he straightened his back and started over, “What’s wrong with this lighter? Is it a trick lighter?”

“No, you’re just weak. Let me see,” Y/N stood.

“It’s not me! The candles don’t want to light-”

“Excuse me. I got it,” Their mom had suddenly appeared as if she had sensed the topic at hand, bearing one of those longer lighters. The clicking of the lighter went on for three times or so before she caught a flame, easily lighting the centerpiece candles. 

Jimin clapped and cheered for her, their mom patting Hoseok sympathetically before asking, “Any of you need anything? Drinks? Anymore food?”

After everyone expressed their thanks, she departed.  Just like that, Christmas dinner began. 

For every family, it was different. Different cultures mean different dinner traditions. Growing up, it had been one of Y/N’s favorite parts: the food. 

As she ate quietly, she looked around the table at the faces of the friends who had joined them this Christmas. At her brother, who was in the middle of telling the other boys some story about Jungkook that the latter was embarrassed over. 

Her heart hurt with happiness. Just a couple days ago, she was crying in her room at the thought of Hoseok not joining him. Now, he was across from her having a laughing fit. She hadn’t seen Taehyung in so long, and now he was next to her smiling and making sure his little sister was having a great time.

It had been even longer since she saw Jimin, and looking at him gave her this wave of nostalgia. He was like flipping through an old journal, the pages filled up with the memories of her youth. He was a piece of her past, one that she didn’t think she would ever forget.

Jungkook was a new piece to the puzzle, but since he had joined them, she saw a whole other side to Hoseok. He brought out this energy in him that she had only ever seen in secret. Jungkook brought out that same look on Hoseok’s face when he was out photographing the world. She knew Jungkook was special.

It was a special dinner, mostly quiet. Stories would break out here and there, but it felt like they had slipped into a snowglobe of bliss. Nothing could shatter the intimacy and disconnect from every other worry in her life. 

Even when she would pause in her eating and text back Yoongi, everything was alright. His sweetness dripped through the words on her screen, making her miss him but comforting her. 

She was drunk on the love in the air, and no matter how the night ended, she knew then this would be a Christmas for the books. Not because something exciting had happened, but because it was a quiet one. That in itself was beautiful.

A little while later, after some of them had settled into eating dessert and Taeyeon had dragged Taehyung away to play a game with the kids, Jungkook directed a question at Y/N. “So, am I going to get to hear the story behind your nickname?”

“Teddy?” She asked.

“Yes, teddy. What other nickname do you have?”

Hoseok grinned mischievously, and Y/N shot him a look of warning that he ignored. “Oh, she has plenty.”

“And so do you! If I were you, I would keep my mouth closed!”

They had a stare off for a few beats, and Y/N thought she was in the clear- that is, until he rushed out, “We used to call her Walrus because when she was younger, she liked sticking things in her mouth and pretending to be one.”

“Hoseok!”

“You guys want to see pictures?” 

Jungkook had started laughing at the thought, and Y/N felt mortified. Just then, she thought of the perfect revenge. As if Hoseok had sensed the gears of her mind turning, his smile faded.

“My parents used to call him Huggies until he was like eight. You want to know why?”

“Y/N, no!”

“What? You told them about Walrus! You know that story embarrasses me!”

“But Teddy is a cute nickname. And so is Walrus. It’s not even bad! Don’t do this!”

Their debate eventually died down when Taehyung came back, effectively distracting  them from the topic at hand. Jimin asked Jungkook about his major, how he liked his university. 

All of the guys seemed to be getting along well, and it was a sight to behold. They were all incredible, so it wasn’t a surprise that they were getting along.

That was, until the mood shifted without her even noticing. 

Jungkook had just finished summarizing why he loved what he was studying, Jimin listening intently as he sipped on a soda. Letting him finish, Jimin nodded along before asking, “Are you from here?”

He shook his head. “I’m not. I moved here for university. I love it here… but I do miss my family all the time.”

Jimin nodded along in agreement. “I definitely understand that feeling.”

“I love my major, I really do. It was everything I imagined it would be and I can’t wait for more. I love my friends, I mean, if I hadn’t gone there I wouldn’t have met Hoseok. I’m so grateful for the opportunity. But some days, I just miss my hometown. I miss my family so bad sometimes, I feel the urge to buy a plane ticket straight home. Of course, I don’t have the funds for that but it’s nice to dream,” Jungkook’s voice was dreamy and longing, and Y/N knew he was thinking of his family celebrating Christmas. Her heart tugged. 

Hoseok sat quietly, listening. She could see in her brother’s face that he was thinking the same thing. They didn’t have the words to comfort Jungkook, but suddenly his face transformed into something more hopeful.

“Even though I can’t be with my family until after Christmas, I’m really glad I got the opportunity to be here. It reminds me of my own home, and I know not everyone is lucky as I am. I just, I keep thinking of my mom. She’s great. I just know that right now, she’s probably fretting over all of our guests at home, asking who wants more food. That’s who she is, always on her feet and taking care of everyone else. I can’t wait to see her.”

“And you will. In two days. Before you know it, you’re going to be back home,” Hoseok assured him. Jungkook nodded, shooting him a look of appreciation. 

The atmosphere, regardless of the subject, had felt hopeful. Y/N saw how Jungkook was determined to keep a good attitude, and she expected that was the end of it. 

Not everyone has as warm a Christmas as you, is what she would come to realize. 

“If you’ll excuse me,” Jimin muttered, offering all of them a weak smile before scooting his chair back and striding to the backyard door, going outside. 

Y/N’s eyes remained there for a moment, his facial expression replaying in her mind. Had Jungkook said something wrong?

Looking over at Hoseok, they had a silent conversation with their eyes. They both knew something was wrong, and they had no intentions of leaving Jimin alone. They came to a silent agreement, the pair of them rising to their feet.

“We’re going to check up on him,” Y/N told the other boys.

“You guys going to be alright?” Hoseok asked Jungkook and Taehyung.

“Of course. We’ll just go talk to Disney Prince. See if he’s as great as everyone says he is,” Taehyung suggested. Jungkook pointed at him, as if he came up with a brilliant idea. Y/N could only shake her head before she led the way, making sure to quietly open up the back door. 

Hoseok flicked on the back porch light, successfully shrouding Jimin’s back in light. He was sitting at the bottom of the porch steps, his head bowed. 

The siblings paused at the top, and Y/N wondered if it was right to disturb him. Something was telling her to not leave him out here to drown in his thoughts. It was obvious he was upset and who knows if he intended to talk to anyone about it. It was up to them to at least try.

“Hey…” Hoseok began, taking the lead as he walked down a few steps. He remained behind him, waiting for any reaction. Jimin stayed quiet. 

Y/N decided to try, maneuvering around her brother and stopping two steps above Jimin’s. Kneeling down, she paused before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “Jimin.”

His shoulders started shaking, and her heart dropped as she heard the beginning sounds of suppressed crying. 

He wasn’t okay, and maybe hadn’t been this entire time. 

Looking up at her brother, they shared a look of concern before she sat beside him, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Hoseok joined them, taking a seat on the other side of him. They didn’t look at him, respecting his need to cry. 

They didn’t know what was wrong, and maybe Jimin wouldn’t tell them anything at all, but that wouldn’t stop them for being there for him. So they let him cry. Here and there, Y/N would rub his shoulder affectionately, hoping he didn’t feel alone. It may have been a year since she saw him, but it wouldn’t stop her from being there for him. 

When the crying ceased and the sniffles were few and far between, he raised his head. She still didn’t look at him, and she had a feeling Hoseok didn’t either. They simply waited. 

They listened as he cleared his throat, tipping his head back to look at the stars. 

The beautiful thing about stars is that even when your world is turned upside down, they remain permanent, a constant in the chaos.

“I’m not happy.” From the corner of her eye, she saw the air leave his chest, his shoulders relax. He continued. “I haven’t been since I started college. Everyone says that it’s the homesickness, that eventually you’ll get into the groove of things. When months passed, and nothing has changed, it only got worse. I’m stuck. And I don’t know what to do.” 

He took a moment to collect himself. His voice became stronger as he continued, as if the more he talked, the more weight dissipated from his shoulders.

“I hate school. I hate my life over there. I’m not myself, and I’m putting up a front every single day just so I can pretend it’s not the life I chose. I hate my major, I don’t know when I started hating it but somewhere along the way I realized it’s not what I want anymore. Y/N,” Her name startled her into looking at him. He was already looking at her, his eyes shining and his cheeks damp. “I lied to you earlier. I acted just like I’ve been acting all these months. I’ve always been taught to put up a brave face, that even if I’m crumbling, to never show anyone I need help. It’s not what I should do, simply because my whole life I’ve had everything figured out. When in reality… I want to be home.”

She and Hoseok watched him now, how he slowly began to talk softer, his eyes finding the ground. Although his voice was soft, his conviction was hard and set into his words. “Being home, I feel like myself. I just want to stay. I don’t belong at that school, studying what I’m studying, being someone I’m not. And maybe I’m not meant to be here for good, either. I just know that I belong here, surrounded by the people that care about me and make me feel like myself. That’s all I want and… being here with you guys so strongly reminds me of all of that. I just don’t know what to do.”

They waited until they knew he was completely done before Hoseok jumped in, ducking his head to watch Jimin’s face. “Why don’t you talk to your parents?”

Jimin immediately shook his head. “I just can’t.”

“Why not?”

He raised his voice before it grew soft again. “Because! Because… they insist on me being strong, to following through with whatever I start. I told them how much I loved my major, they expect so much from me. I can’t crumble for them. I have to be strong for them. I have to be strong for my mom! She needs to see me be strong! She can’t see me fail!”

“Jimin…” His voice was urgent, his words fast, but Y/N sensed there was more to his words. She waited until he was looking at her. “Why do you feel like you need to be strong for them?”

“She’s… She’s sick,” Jimin’s face crumbled at his words, Y/N’s own heart shattering at the sight. She wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her shoulder. Hoseok looked at her, at a loss for words. He reached over and gripped Jimin’s forearm, letting him know he was there. 

This time around, the silence was thick with weight. Y/N’s mind was wheeling, searching and searching for anything to say. Her mind came up blank, and she wished with her entire being that there was a way for Jimin to come out of this unscathed. 

“I belong here,” He cried quietly, pulling away from her arms, “And she’ll insist that I stay over there, that I pretend she’s okay.”

“So you tell her that you love her. And that you’re going to stay here and be strong for her.” Hoseok spoke sternly.

“But-”

“Jimin, you’re not happy over there. And I’ve known you and your family for a long time. Your mom wouldn’t want you to be miserable. If your dream is to be home, to be yourself, then you gotta tell her that you want to be here. It’s going to be terrifying, and they might not want you to at first, but they love you. They only want what’s best for you.”

“What if they… what if they refuse?”

Hoseok frowned, then nodded once. “Then that’s when you do what’s best for you. And hope that with time, they accept it.”

“I can’t upset her right now. She needs me to be strong.”

“Jimin,” Y/N took the soft approach, “In order for you to be strong for her, you have to let her know the way to do that is to be home. Once you’re home, you can be happy and then figure out all of the other things that are worrying you, like school and your passion. The only way for you to do that is to tell them how you feel. All you can do is try.”

“They love you. And they’ll see it’s taking a toll on you,” Hoseok added. “And you’ll come home.”

Jimin ducked his head again, sniffling and nodding at their words. 

Silence ensued, different from the first two. It was a non-judgmental silence, one that took in its companions and offered them some time. It was just what Jimin needed. 

“Thank you guys. Really.”

“You don’t have to thank us,” Y/N responded.

Jimin looked over at her, gratitude oozing from his gaze. “I really do.” He ran his hands through his hair, sighing deeply before saying, “You know, being out here reminds me of high school.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Hoseok said.

“Yeah. I remember this one time, when I spent the night. Y/N and I had to be like fourteen. We had convinced you to play hide and seek out here.”

“He was so scared! We were trying so hard not to laugh at our hiding spots, because he hadn’t even been looking for two minutes before he threatened to go back inside,” Y/N laughed through her words.

Hoseok narrowed his eyes at them. “Yeah, I remember that. Jimin jumped out of the bushes and scared me so bad, I slipped on the wet grass.”

“That was priceless. Absolute gold,” Jimin exclaimed. “And then you pulled Y/N and me down with you.”

“We laid on the grass so long that night, we got sick and then we got in trouble for it,” Hoseok added, the three of them drawn to look up at the sky in memory.

“But it didn’t matter to us, then,” Y/N said softly, “Because the stars were so beautiful that night.”

“You know, I can almost be certain that they look like they did that night all those years ago,” Hoseok said, moreso directed at Jimin. And she watched as Jimin looked up at the sky, how it looked back at him, and how Hoseok’s words made him smile to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas Lights

As the night grew darker and colder, the amount of people in the house started to thin out. Her aunt, uncle, and their children left a little after midnight. The Parks were getting ready to leave, and Y/N could tell Jimin was nervous to face what he had to do. If she got the chance, she would pull him aside to talk to him one last time. 

Taeyeon was dozing off on the couch, so Taehyung was debating whether or not to leave as well. He was looking at her fondly, before he uttered to Y/N, “This might be the best Christmas Eve she’s ever had. I… I’ve tried so hard to give that to her but there was nothing like that joy on her face playing with your little cousins.”

Y/N rested her hand on his upper arm, waiting for him to look at her. “Tae, you’ve always given her the best gift of all. Your love. And because you love her so much, you’ve gone to the lengths of trying your hardest to give her the best Christmas every single year. That’s what matters. Not whether or not she gets to play with kids, or even if it’s not some grand gesture. She’ll see that and appreciate it more than she’ll comprehend when she’s older.”

Taehyung looked at her, fully looked at her with so much emotion in that moment, she felt everything he was feeling. Rubbing his arm, she allowed him to take a breath and regain his composure, before he mouthed, “Thank you.”

She nodded her head, before turning just in time to see the Parks heading for the door. She stepped away, walking over to Jimin and catching him before he walked out the door. “Hey. Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Yeah, sure. My parents are going to get stuck outside talking to yours anyway. They’ve never understood the concept of goodbye,” Jimin joked, but she saw the unease in his eyes, heard it in his voice.

“Hey,” She lowered her voice, “It’s going to be okay. You have all of us, especially Hoseok and me, rooting for you. This is what’s best for you. I know it’s hard and scary, but your parents need to hear how you feel. You should never feel like you have to pretend.”

He nodded along, rubbing his hands together anxiously and looking over his shoulder at his parents. Just then, his jittery nature calmed down and his hands froze in their movements. He was looking at them for a prolonged moment, before he whispered, “I’m going to be okay.”

“You are.”

He looked at her then, before he said, “I better get going. It was… really nice to see you again.”

The way he looked at her transferred her back to high school, when her heart would flutter like his eyes did at her. His voice was as soft as she remembered, and she could almost fool herself into being young again, except this time around she was aware of the growth they’ve both experienced. That, and she wasn’t a young girl with a crush on him anymore. 

Nonetheless, she found herself shuffling under his gaze, just like she used to. Her hands fiddled with the bottom of her sweater, just like they used to. It was like his gaze was all-knowing, and she needed to look away from him for a moment. Old habits die hard. 

She cleared her throat. “It was nice to see you too. I’m really glad you made it.”

“I am too. I missed you and your crazy brother.”

“He is a little crazy, isn’t he?”

“Who’s crazy?” Hoseok thundered in her ear, making her recoil from the sound. Pushing him away, he laughed like he was Santa, before he rushed forward and bear-hugged Jimin. The latter tried to fight the hold, voice raising in alarm when Hoseok started ruffling his hair, before giving up altogether with a wide smile. 

After they settled down, Hoseok whispered something to him, and Jimin gave him a soft look. He nodded at him and expressed his thanks, before Hoseok walked outside to tell the Parks goodbye. 

“Well, Merry Christmas, Jimin,” Y/N said softly. 

He smiled, before he stepped closer and opened his arms to her. Stepping into the embrace, it was high school all over again. It was strange how some things never changed. She could recognize there was a slight shift though. The embrace wasn’t as tight as another from her memory, wasn’t the same scent. The embrace was different from Yoongi’s. This was a friend’s embrace. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Let’s go, Jimin!” His dad’s voice bellowed. Jimin held up a hand for everyone else in the room, everyone saying their goodbyes before he strode out the door. Y/N waved at his parents, hoping with everything in her heart that they were understanding whenever he decided to talk to him. 

“I think that’s our cue as well. Taeyeon can barely keep her eyes open,” Taehyung announced, holding the little girl’s hand in question. Y/N’s heart ached at the sight, her sleepy eyes blinking slower and her grip on her brother’s hand light. 

“Awww. My favorite girl is leaving?” Hoseok asked, kneeling down in front of her. 

“I’m sorry. It’s Tae. I would stay if I could choose,” She told him seriously. Hoseok laughed while Taehyung simply shook his head. 

“Well, Merry Christmas! I’m really happy you guys joined us this year. You’re more than welcome to join us next year.”

Taeyeon’s eyes lit up like christmas lights, tugging on Taehyung’s hand, “Can we come next year? Can we? Can we, please?”

Taehyung pretended to think about it before he grinned down at her, “Of course we can!” His smile softened at her cheers, before he told the siblings, “I’d really like that.”

Y/N and Hoseok switched off saying goodbye to each of them before they walked them over to the door. She advised them to keep their coats on tight, it was really cold out.

“Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Merry Christmas, Tae. I’m really happy you decided to come.”

“So am I,” He told her, before hugging her and whispering, “Thank you for everything.” He pulled away from their embrace and turned to the room who housed the last face left in the room: Jungkook. “Merry Christmas, mon ami!”

Jungkook saluted him. “Merry Christmas!”

As Taehyung stopped to say his goodbyes to their parents who still hadn’t finished talking to the Parks, Hoseok uttered, “Glad they hit it off.”

“We definitely all have to get together again.”

The sound of Seokjin’s laugh grabbed their attention, and they turned to see him leaving the kitchen with Namjoon. It seemed like they were in the middle of gathering their things as Seokjin shrugged on his coat.

“We better head out too. It’s getting too late for me.”

Namjoon added, “He may look young, but he’s a grandpa.” 

His brother slugged him at that, and Y/N was amused as Namjoon pretended it didn’t hurt. She told them, “I’m really glad you guys came. My parents love you.”

“They’re the best. If it weren’t for them, this guy and me would be eating takeout tonight.”

“Seriously. Dinner was so good,” Namjoon uttered longingly. 

They walked over, and Hoseok led them to the door. Just then, their parents finally came inside. Their mom was quick to say, “Oh, you guys are leaving already?”

Seokjin paused, as if finding the words. “We know everyone is leaving and we didn’t want to

overstep.” 

“Don’t ever feel like you’re overstepping. You’re always welcome,” Their mom said. Their dad nodded in agreement.

“Thank you for that. We appreciate that.”

“Yes, thank you. It was nice to be surrounded by warm people on a cold day,” Namjoon added. 

Y/N’s mom softened at that, telling him, “And Namjoon. I’m very glad we got to know you tonight. You are as amazing as your brother says.”

He looked shocked at that, his eyes shooting to Seokjin. His brother pretended not to notice, though he did look a bit smug. Namjoon searched for the words, rubbing at his neck shyly before he mustered up, “Ah, thank you. That means a lot.”

Their dad opened the door, angling it so the two of them could walk out. Seokjin walked out last, only to turn around and tell the family, “Thank you for tonight. It was… everything I needed. I’ll always be grateful for what you guys do for me.”

Her mom said, “It’s nothing, Jin. We will always look out for you and your brother.”

“It’s everything,” He told her as his face remained serious, before he looked past her at the pair of siblings and smiled up at them. “It was nice to finally meet you two. Their praise of you was well-deserved.”

Hoseok held back a smile as he called, “And so was yours.”

Seokjin merely shook his head before saying, “Merry Christmas!” It triggered a chorus of the phrase, until they watched them get safely into their house. 

The day was now at its end, with the same five from the beginning. 

“I can’t believe it’s over. It flew by,” Jungkook muttered a few minutes later, the trio of them squished onto the couch together. 

Y/N’s parents had put on a Christmas movie in the background, and the two of them were cuddling on the recliner. 

“That’s how Christmas is. Slow to come, quick to end,” Y/N told him. 

“That’s what makes it so special,” Hoseok threw out there. Y/N and Jungkook hummed in agreement. The three of them were pretty sleepy, but they didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere. 

It was a calm night to end the special day. 

Jungkook was the first to retire to bed, expressing his thanks and announcing a goodnight. They could tell how tired he was, and they also saw in his face that he wanted to be alone for a while. 

Y/N thought about him, about Taehyung, about Jimin. She thought about Jin and how each of them had been having a rough time. She thought about Hoseok, how up until a couple of days ago he felt alone. 

She came to the realization that Christmas didn’t make everything perfect, didn’t suddenly dismiss all of the problems someone has on any given day. Christmas isn’t miraculous, at least in the sense that it makes everything disappear. What Christmas does is quiets those issues, highlights the love and the warmth that already exists. Christmas reminds you of what you have, and what you can give to other people. 

That’s why Christmas feels rare, because it’s one of those days where you’re showered in what you deserve, and people aren’t used to feeling what they deserve. 

“I have an idea.” Hoseok whispered to his sister. She glanced at him, wondering why he was whispering. She noticed that her parents had dozed off in each other’s arms. 

“Hit me,” Y/N whispered back. 

“It’s a surprise gift for Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP, WALRUS!”

Her eyes flew open as she shot up in bed, her heart racing. Looking around, her eyes fell on her smiley brother standing at the foot of her bed. Giving him an icy stare, she fell back in bed and tried to get comfortable once more. It wasn’t even a moment of bliss before Hoseok grabbed a hold of her comforter and ripped it off of her. 

“Hobi, I promise you that if you don’t stop messing with me, I’m going to tell everyone why we used to call you Huggies.”

“It’s Christmas, Ebenezer! Get up and come downstairs!”

She groaned, hating be woken up early. She couldn’t control the smile that had fallen on her lips at his words, stumbling out of bed. 

Hoseok looked pleased, but it disappeared all too soon when Y/N rushed over to him and blew air in his face. He screamed- a little too high-pitched if someone asked her- as he pushed her away, face contorting in disgust. “That’s so nasty! Go brush your teeth, garbage mouth!”

“You love me.”

“Unfortunately. Now hurry up and meet us downstairs!”

She took a few minutes freshening up before she met them downstairs. She found her dad, Jungkook, and Hoseok watching tv. Hoseok had managed to get Jungkook to wear reindeer antlers, and she silently fawned over how adorable he looked. 

“Here!” Hoseok thrust a Christmas tree headband into her hands, before he quickly placed one of those christmas light necklaces over her head. 

“Isn’t this a bit much?”

“You mean, not enough?” He told her seriously, smoothing down his ugly sweater. She shared a look with Jungkook, happy to know that someone else got to see this crazy side of her brother. 

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” Everyone responded, the boys mostly distracted by the television screen. She walked over and leaned down to give her dad a kiss on the cheek, before she asked where her mom was. 

No one had to answer, because she could hear her mom bustling around in the kitchen. She joined her, helping out in any way that she could. 

This was her favorite way to spend Christmas morning: a calm morning after a busy Christmas Eve. 

It was everything she had wished for: to have Hoseok home, and for everyone to be together again. 

“Call the boys. It’s time for breakfast.”

It was after breakfast that she gave Hoseok the signal. She was in the middle of distracting Jungkook with a story, watching as Hoseok not so smoothly took Jungkook’s phone from beside him. He looked panicked after a few moments, showing her that he had guessed the password wrong. 

She stuttered in her story, watching as Jungkook looked at her with mild worry. She waved it off, smoothly continuing on and noticing that Hoseok figured it out. He was quick, disappearing into another room. 

It was a couple minutes later, and Hoseok still wasn’t back. She was starting to get worried because there was a lull in her conversation with Jungkook, and it was at any moment that he was going to notice his phone was-

“Hm. That’s weird.”

Her heart jumped. “What is?”

“I thought I put my phone right here-”

“Jungkook! Come here for a second!” Hoseok called from the living room. Jungkook’s eyebrow lifted in question, but Y/N merely shrugged. She waited for him to lead the way before following closely behind. They walked into the living room, Hoseok standing in the middle with his hands behind his back. 

“What’s up?” Jungkook asked cautiously.

“Well,” Hoseok took a deep breath, “We’re really happy you got to spend Christmas with us. But, we all know it happened because the unfortunate events of you not being able to catch a flight. However, in this day and age, it’s a little easier to see your loved ones. So,” He pulled the phone out from his back, revealing his family on the screen, “Merry Christmas!”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, watching as his family shouted Merry Christmas, his mom as beautiful as he described. He was frozen for a moment, before his face broke into the happiest smile she ever saw on him, him lurching forward to grab onto the phone. 

“Guys! I miss you so much,” His voice faltered, before the smile returned, “I wanted to video call but I felt like I would disturb you.”

“Disturb us? Of course not! It’s Christmas. We’re just so glad you’re well taken care of,” His mom said on the other line. 

His dad said, “Can’t wait for you to join us tomorrow.”

She looked away to give him some privacy, hearing how tender his voice had become as he whispered, “I can’t wait to be with you guys, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~

The following evening, in the middle of watching yet another Christmas movie with the boys, Hoseok began acting strange. He was huddled in the corner on his least favorite chair in the living room, tapping away at his phone. 

After asking him several times what he was doing, Y/N threateningly got up to go to him, and he freaked out. He yelled- again, a little too high-pitched for her ears- before he raced off to his room. 

“What’s up with him?” Y/N asked. “I was only messing with him.”

“I stopped asking myself that a long time ago,” Jungkook responded, unbothered by Hoseok’s antics. 

She decided to ignore it, sitting back down and continuing to watch the movie. About fifteen minutes later, Hoseok re-entered the living room. She didn’t look at him at first, assuming he was going to stop acting weird and finish the movie with him. After he stood in the entryway for too long to be normal, she looked up at him and instantly grew confused. 

He was dressed to go out, his warm clothes a telltale sign that he intended to leave. His next words confirmed that. “I have to head out really quick. I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” Y/N asked, suspicious. On top of his weird behavior, he was suddenly leaving?

“Yeah. You didn’t mention having to do anything,” Jungkook added.

“Well- Well, I need to go get something from the store,” Hoseok rushed out as he rushed to the front door. This time, she wouldn’t let it slide as she raced to grab him before he made it out the door. 

“Why are you acting so funny? What are you doing?”

“Nothing, Y/N! I have to take care of some business! Just let me be!”

“Why can’t we go with you?” Jungkook asked casually, unmoving from the couch as he stuffed some popcorn into his mouth. Noticing Hoseok’s pointed stare, he said, “What? Just a question.”

“Because.”

“Because why?” She narrowed her eyes, noticing he wouldn’t look at her. He was too nervous, too suspicious. He had always been bad at hiding things. 

“Because I said so! Now leave me alone, you gremlins! I’ll be back!”

Just like that, he disappeared. She was entirely confused, wondering why he had to rush out like that and what he could possibly be hiding that he had to keep from her and Jungkook.

“Maybe he’s getting us a present?” She offered up to Jungkook. 

He looked over at her and shrugged. “Who knows with him. Maybe he just wanted a dessert and didn’t want to have to pay for us.”

“He’s not like that!”

“He’s like that with me,” He scoffed playfully, before the conversation ended. 

She looked down at her phone. 8:03 PM. There was nothing she could do now, so she tried to focus on the movie. 

Around an hour and a half later, she got a text from her brother. Only, it wasn’t a text but he had shared a location with her. Clicking on it, she felt worry build realizing it wasn’t a place, but a road.

Was he in trouble?

“Jungkook.” He looked over at her. “Hoseok’s worrying me. He just sent me a random location. It just looks like a road.”

“You know what this means, right?”

“What?” She asked him. Jungkook sat up quickly.

“He’s sending us on a scavenger hunt!”

“Or to our death.”

“Highly doubt he could. Come on! Let’s go!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Now come on! Get your coat on!” She had never seen him so pumped up, and now she was really worried. As she got her coat on, she tried to call her brother but to no avail. What was going on?

It didn’t take long to reach the spot, though the drive was completely nerve-wracking. Had he been in an accident? Why hadn’t he answered when she called and why had he still not called her back? 

And Jungkook was acting weird now, too, drumming his fingers on his thigh. When she tried to strike up a conversation, he gave her short and distracted answers. 

It was a twenty minute drive to the road that Hoseok had sent to her. She recognized one of the cars- her parents’ car, parked on the side of the road. Right behind it was a car she didn’t recognize. 

What was going on?

Just as she asked herself that question, she pulled in front of her parents’ car and parked the car, looking into the rearview mirror. Seeing two figures sitting in the car, she watched them for a moment. 

“Who is that?” She asked herself. 

Like magic, her question was answered as both car doors opened. She peeked out the side mirror on the left, seeing her brother shaking his body up and down, likely from the cold. She narrowed her eyes at the right mirror, studying the figure who stood at the front hood of her parents’ car. 

Her eyes looked over his dark curtain of hair, his head tilted to her brother. His hands were buried in his long dark coat, his entire ensemble as dark as Jungkook’s was when she first met him. 

She took in his lanky figure, his familiar stance and his distant but familiar features, and her heart jumped. 

Unclipping her seatbelt, she quickly fumbled for the car door and rushed out into the cold, the air slapping her and trying to discourage her. Nothing could stop her, though, as she raced through the cold, past her brother and right toward her warmth. 

Yoongi barely had time to register she was racing right toward him before he opened his arms and she fell into them. 

It was falling into a warm bath, washing over her body and soul. He was her haven, protecting her from the cold and from all of the hardships she had recently overcame. 

He was here, right in front of her. 

And she couldn’t gather the words to express how happy she was to be with him.

“You’re here,” she whispered into his chest, inhaling his cologne. He chuckled a little, adjusting his grip on her. 

Kissing the side of her head, he said, “I am.”

“How? I thought you were just going to stay with your family today.”

He pulled away, looking at her with smiley eyes. A side of his mouth tugged upward as he declared, “I did stay with my family today. It’s night time now.”

“Yoongi…” Her eyes looked anywhere but him. Shuffling in place, he tightened his grip on her to keep her from being embarrassed, “You didn’t have to. I’m sorry if you felt like you had to leave your family-”

“I’m going to stop you right there. I didn’t have to do anything, that’s true. But I missed you and wanted to see you. That’s why I wanted to surprise you. Except, things didn’t go so well,”He hissed at the last words, his eyes going to the car she didn’t recognize. “I should’ve listened to my mom when she said the car’s been having problems.”

“Ah, so that car is your mom’s.”

“Yeah. She gave me the idea to surprise you.”

“Really?” Her entire body stiffened with nerves. “You told her about us?” 

He gave her a look of disbelief. “I told her the day I met you that you were going to be my future girlfriend.”

“Seriously?” She choked on a laugh, not aware that he had told his family before she even got around to telling her family they were together. Of course, they knew of Yoongi, but she assumed they thought they were friends. She was just so nervous to tell them, especially given that he was Hoseok’s friend. 

He cracked a smile, gently playing with her hair and looking her over. “Yes, seriously. She was nervous about letting me use the car, and now I know why. But using it led me to this moment. So I don’t regret it.”

“You’re amazing,” She said, breathlessly. They stared at each other for a moment, losing themselves in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head a bit, his telltale that he was going to kiss her, until Hoseok cut in.

“Not to ruin the lovely moment, but it is freezing out here and I really don’t want to see my sister kiss anyone. Mind if we get in the car?”

“Sure, Hoseok. Thank you,” Yoongi’s voice was dripped in sarcasm. 

They all gathered in their parents’ car, Hoseok turning on the heater. 

“So,” Y/N pointed at her brother, “He knew about it.”

Yoongi looked unamused. “Yes. And did a real crappy job at not being suspicious.”

Hoseok whirled around from the driver’s seat. “Hey! It’s not my fault she knows me so well! She can tell the moment I start acting different!”

Yoongi shot back, “Then don’t act different.”

Y/N said, “Doesn’t help that he screamed like a baby when I acted like I was going to take his phone.”

“All that matters is she didn’t figure out you were coming,” Hoseok threw his hands up. They all laughed at how offended he was acting. 

“I knew too. Well, after I asked if we could come he texted me and went off on me,” Jungkook told her.

“See? Now, Jungkook knows how to act less suspicious,” Y/N pointed out.

Hoseok shook his head. “You guys suck.”

Yoongi and Y/N shared a smile, him reaching out to intertwine their fingers. It was a moment she engraved in her mind, sitting in that back seat waiting for a tow truck. 

She vaguely listened as Hoseok described his grand idea of calling her out to his location, calling it more “romantic” if she came to see him where he broke down instead of him bringing Yoongi back to the house. 

She hummed along, mostly distracted by Yoongi’s presence. He was breath-taking, absolutely stunning. He was wearing a maroon turtleneck, probably for the occasion. His hair was swept barely above his eyes, which were in the middle of looking her over as well. 

Suddenly, she grew embarrassed considering she was still in her pajamas and the apparel that Hoseok had forced them to wear this morning. At least Jungkook had taken off his antlers. 

Yoongi leaned over, uttering into her ear, “You look so cute.”

She smiled down at their intertwined hands, rubbing her thumb over his. “So do you.”

They tilted their heads together, her heart racing. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

“Merry Christmas, Yoongi.”

There it was. Somehow, in some way, it always worked out. Even if it was the slightest shift. 

Christmas had already been perfect. But her gift was right here beside her, her Christmas in a person was with her. 

She couldn’t ask for anything better. 

“Now,” Hoseok clapped his hands at the tow truck pulled up behind their line of cars, grinning back at Yoongi, “You ready to meet my parents?”

Yoongi nodded confidently. “Of course.”

The mischief danced in Hoseok’s eyes. “You ready to meet them as Y/N’s boyfriend?”

She watched the fear enter Yoongi’s eyes, reaching forward to shove Hoseok. She ignored his scream, lying her head on Yoongi’s shoulder.

“They’re going to love you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

About a week later, the photos that her mom had taken on Christmas were finally developed. She was a sentimental woman, one who liked to buy those old-fashioned ones you had to get developed at a CVS Pharmacy. 

She laid them all out on the table, looking them over one by one. 

There was a photo of Taehyung and Taeyeon, posed near the Christmas Tree. She was on his back, both of them in the midst of laughing. 

A picture of Hoseok and Y/N, backs against each other and finger guns poised. They were standing near the family Stockings, the ones that Hoseok insisted on every year. 

Jungkook in a candid photo of him checking out the Nutcracker she put out on the mantle every single year, studying it. 

A photo of Seokjin with his arm around Namjoon’s shoulders, both of them unsmiling but comfortable. They were posed as if they were two Carolers, awaiting someone to open the door.

A picture of Jimin helping adjust the Angel at the top of the tree, his parents in the background smiling proudly at him.

Other pictures of everyone scattered about. 

The last photo of the disposable camera was at the bottom of the pile, a picture of Yoongi, Y/N, and Hoseok, outside and surrounded by the porch’s Christmas Lights. 

It was a beautiful Christmas. Not perfect to most, but perfect to them.