#THE WAY IZZY WAS JUST LYING THERE AND THEY WAS HAVING THIS EMOTIONAL MOMENT HAD ME DYINGGG PLEASEEEEE!!!

[jay-wasstuff]

[sylvies-chen]

I can smell the criticism of this finale from a mile away and can already see a few flooding in, and don’t get me wrong some are very valid (i.e. the pacing, because it was very fast like literally over in an instant and they managed those insanely tight pivots from one emotional beat to the next well given what they had but like… yeah it was too fast, I blame max)

but also straight up if I hear anyone else talking about how it was out of character for stede to stay with ed in the end I’m going to lose it!!!!

like NO, his character motivations did not completely disappear in that moment, because episode 7 was about showing how stede’s trauma leads him towards toxic masculinity, not how it’s his overarching goal!! I think maybe it would have made more sense to people if stede hadn’t been making those comments about his performance, like little jokey jokes of him lying about his contributions, seeking approval/praise, etc. but like… that’s not a sign that his shit behaviour from episode 7 still lingers in my opinion. it’s about how he still at the end of the day is just Some Dude who really wants acceptance in this community.

stede’s overarching goal going into piracy was community. he wanted to change things for the better and operate under a new work ethic. he wanted to build family, and though pirates have been able to do that under harsher, more traumatizing and ruthless circumstances, like izzy and ed, we see how the violent nature of their circumstances permeated their relationship for a long time and makes it very charged, perhaps not gaining true vulnerability and clarity until it’s too late. THAT WAS STEDE’S GOAL. he wanted to be a famous and celebrated pirate, yes, but he also wanted to change the game. he lost his way a little, but episode 7!stede was a phase.

because he came into it for fame and community, but he left knowing he’d helped his found family as much as he could, recognizing that zheng is a competent leader and that his teachings were going to carry on through his crew and on his ship. and he left for LOVE. that is the core of stede bonnet and I will never let all you grumpies and grouchies forget that.

[katsaturnwhatever]

Finally returning to Tumblr after a long vacation because I’ve got the brainrots all over again.

So I’ve gotta say it. Ed didn’t really mean it.

Ed didn't really feel that sleeping with Stede was a mistake. He may have wished that things had unfolded differently, but he absolutely does not regret the act itself. But also, there was nothing shocking or out of character about Ed's decision to leave.

1) While the wall-slam definitely caught him offguard - he came to Stede's room likely just expecting to offer comfort and lighten the man's spirits after a traumatic event - he absolutely consented to what ended up happening. I love that they gave us that tiny, nearly-imperceptible-but-definitely-there moment when Stede waits to see how Ed will react, and Ed looks into Stede's eyes and nods.

2) Ed seemed 1000% happy and satisfied the morning after. There's no sense of regret in their conversation in bed. But, in typical Ed fashion, he goes "all in" wayyy too quickly, seemingly incapable of stopping himself. We saw it back in S1 with the "I'm folding socks and that's okay" conversation. One taste of life with Stede and he's ready to chuck his entire identity overboard... AGAIN.

3) After the emotional rollercoaster of the previous 24 hours, my man is a total mess. If you think that we, the fandom, are experiencing some seriously painful whiplash, just think of how it must feel for Ed - he had to watch the love of his life being tortured, then watch him make an enormous mistake (killing Ned), immediately followed by finally experiencing the loving intimacy and desire he's craved all his life. So he decides in the morning to leave everything behind, his whole persona, and make a clean break because that's the only thing he knows how to do. But he has no regrets about doing so, telling Izzy it feels "fantastic".

4) At first, Ed doesn't seem to mind that Stede is enjoying the spotlight, even giving him pointers of how to deal with fame. At this point he's still hoping that Stede will be able to have his moment and walk away, not realizing quite how much Stede has wanted to be "known" (remember "you've heard of me"?) and respected his whole life.

5) As all of this unfolds, he has a series of incredibly harsh realizations - and he knows how this will end. Piracy only ends one way: violence and death. If they stay together, it is very likely that he would have to watch Stede die a horrible death. He can't deal with that idea at ALL. It's the same reaction he had in S1 when Stede is about to die by firing squad. Ed would give anything to save Stede's life, but he comes to understand that Stede is on a self-imposed trajectory that ends in death (much as Ed himself was in the beginning of S2 - these boys are SO much alike, which is why it's so painful that they never quite seem to get on the same page). He doesn't try to talk Stede out of this trajectory because he already tried that tactic the night before - telling Stede not to kill Ned - and Stede ignored him and did it anyway, which really had to sting.

6) He's feeling a lot of the same things that Stede felt at the end of S1 - that he's ruined the man he loves, that he's been nothing but a bad influence, and the only way to set things right is to remove himself from the situation entirely. So Ed does the only thing he knows how to do - make a clean break, reducing the damage as much as possible by saying something that makes it feel final: "I think last night was a mistake." But he's lying. We all know he's lying. I think even Stede knows it, since he calls Ed out for panicking - which is absolutely the truth, but that doesn't stop everything that's been set in motion.

Bonus: It's interesting to me that you end up with a similar situation as in the end of Good Omens 2 - you have these two people who obviously love each other more than anything, and desperately want to be together, but in the end, they each end up feeling betrayed - feeling that their partner is choosing a different life over them.

Bonus 2: The episode's title is Man on Fire - on the surface it's a reference to the dude who gets literally set on fire, but thematically the Man on Fire here is undeniably Stede. He's "on fire", having finally made it big as a pirate. But Ed craves the cool relief of the water. He's drawn to the life of a fisherman, and he imagines Stede as a merman. But water will kill you just as quickly as fire, if you thrown yourself into the deep end. Both of them are drawn to extremes, when what they really need is to meet each other in the middle (Izzy even says that they balance each other out - the most astute and accurate way to sum up their whole deal).

This went on wayyyyy too long and I’m sorry. I can’t think about anything else today. 😂

[yourkimjaejin]

Bad Day at Practice

Legend - 2023

The members of AG and Dream were loitering around the girls apartment when Juno walked in. She looked beat. For the past four months, Juno has been in practice after practice with her new NCT unit. Every day, it seemed the Houston native was growing more and more dejected. 

Today, Juno dragged her feet through the limbs of her members all the way to her room. Her eyes never left the floor inky black hair covered her face. She ignored the greetings from several people and they listened until her door closed. Everybody shrugged it off going back to what they were doing but the actions of their member continued to bother one of them until they couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

Juno was lying prone on her bed with a pillow covering her face when Aurora walked in. She took a seat on the side of the bed and waited for Juno to talk first.

“I’m okay Rora. Just frustrated.” Juno’s voice muffled from the pillow. 

“Rough practice?” 

Juno sighed, taking the pillow off her face so she could sit up, “Lets just say Shotaro has been taking lessons on how to run his dance practices from Taeyong but he hasn’t mastered it quite yet. And I fear the day he does.” Juno went silent for a moment before speaking again, “I don’t know if I can do this. For a long time, I envied you all for being in other units. But now I see how tough this is. I don’t know how you do this all the time……For the past month the only thing that's been running through my head is why was I chosen for this. I shouldn’t be here.” Juno voice cracked with emotion but she held back the tears. She was supposed to be the strong one. The unphased one. 

Aurora grabbed her hand, “That’s dumb. Juno, remember all those years ago? During the practices for Welcome To The Jungle. You were struggling and what happened? You practiced your butt off until you could do the dance in your sleep. Lee Sooman, for all his faults, saw something in you. You’re our Houston hottie and you’re a badass.” Juno couldn’t help but laugh. Being the youngest member of NCT, Aurora usually gets away with a bit of a loose lip. And it always makes her giggle.

“Adjusting to a boy group is a process we all went through. It changes for everyone. I had to let the dreamies in. Moxy and the oppas had to learn to trust each other. Out of all of us, Hannah had it the easiest. You guys will get there. I know you will. Cause your boys have one of the most tenacious people I have the pleasure of calling my sister.”

“Do the boys know you're this cheesy?” 

Aurora pushed Juno, “No and they never will because our heart to heart will never leave this room.” Aurora stood up and dragged Juno with her, groaning the whole time.. 

“I think I need a movie night.” Juno walked over to her closet, grabbing the fluffiest pair of pj’s she owned. 

Aurora smirked, “Now that I can take care of.” The younger opened the door and shouted, “CODE EMINEM!!” Immediately sounds of furniture being shuffled around and doors opening filled the apartment.

Minutes later, Juno was buried under the limbs of various members. The boys and girls were stuffing themselves full of popcorn and candy until their older members arrived with food. With the lights of the tv and the promise of pepperoni pizza, Juno felt her fear retreat to the back of her brain to be confronted later. 

With the support of her members, Juno could do anything.

Taglist: @alixnsuperstxr

Thought of this after the last post, hope you all enjoyed! Have a great day!! ~ Author Izzy

[bassiter2]

doubt i'm the first person to do meta on this but i've yet to see it, so. the empty boat playing at the end of ofmd episode 4 has been rotating in my mind from every single direction

it's such an interesting and layered choice because the immediate/surface-level assumption, naturally, is gonna be that it's about the supposed emptiness of ed's interactions with stede. that he could act like stede's buddy and perhaps even have genuine fun with him, but at the end of the day he's just another plaything that blackbeard can toss away.

oh my boat is empty / oh my heart is empty

maybe even when you know that ed is going to have character development, you still see it like that at first. that it's a relatively simple "i'm so heartless" type song for the soundtrack. it sounds badass and represents the stage that ed is at in his development.

BUT - upon a second watch or at least in retrospect, or whenever you're looking at it with the interpretation that ed never truly intended to kill stede - you can see the full breadth of the emptiness that ed actually feels. from the stern to the bow. the nape to the brow. it's ALL of it. he does likely believe in that moment that even if he couldn't murder stede he isn't really capable of caring about him, but he also knows on some level that he is lying to izzy. that he's manipulating him. that his reasons for even wanting izzy to stay are shallow.

oh my boat is empty / yes my hand is empty

"edward, you've still got it," izzy says with a grin - a rare mark of happiness on his ever frustrated right hand man, making the lie feel all that much deeper.

"i know," ed says, arms out, alluding to an emotional openness that is not really there. at least not with izzy.

he turns away from izzy and his smile disappears instantly, replaced by this dull, bored, tired look. and a heavy sigh. literally his mask dropping. izzy had pegged him right to begin with, as far as he's concerned - as an unpleasant shell of a man. but then he took izzy through a rollercoaster of guilt and relief and incredible hope, with all of it being for nothing.

oh the sand is clean / oh my mind is clean

now technically verging more into headcanon territory for a sec: i think this is evidence of ed having a distinct awareness of how needlessly far he's strung izzy along, just to keep himself from losing the person who knows him best. whether it's accurate that he's been nothing but selfish about izzy (and i don't think it is, izzy is definitely an active player in their toxic and passionless bond), it's how ed feels.

as deep and beautiful as we the audience see ed's fixation on the very concept of stede even before meeting him, ed likely believes that it's going to wind up being as trivial as izzy does. he far underestimates his own capacity for feeling, having been driven to a position where feelings are better off disregarded and repressed. worse so, at this point in life he's straight up forgotten what is normal and what isn't. he feels not only trapped by others but by himself and his natural limitations, and he's insecure in the most tragic and messy of ways.

oh the stream is long / yes my dream is wrong

which is, whereas i think stede's insecurity lies more outward, ed's are about his insides. when he consciously looks inward he feels innately flawed, inhuman, incomplete. behind his assumption that he's unlovable is a belief that he himself is unable to love.

and even with all that stede manages to bring out of him... what a deeply damaging insecurity to have.

[corxunum]

(for Izzie & Liv both) 01). Does your character like coffee better, or tea? 02). What sense do they most rely on? 03). Detail one secret shame your character feels. 04). What is their choice of weapon? How do they display affection? 05). What’s their view of lying? 06). If they knew they would die tomorrow, what would they do today? 07). what is their worst flaw and their greatest strength? 08). How emotionally stable is your character?

@wexarethewalkingxdead || Honesty time! [ accepting ]

1. Both are coffee drinkers, Izzie with a splash of milk, Liv prefers black.

2. Not so much a sense but Izzie relies on her gut instincts a lot. As nurse she´s encountered many people in her life in the most extreme personal circumstances, so she has developed a good grasp on others. Liv doesn´t like admitting it but she relies on her vision a lot. She can be pretty superficial and likes pretty things and people. Not so much as to possess them, but to look, maybe touch and flirt a little.

3. Izzie feels the most shame for leaving her family in Italy behind after her mother and brother died. She is conflicted between knowing she should have stayed and comforted, pick up the shambles, and her need to escape her grief. Her own selfishness often chews on her in quiet moments when in fact, it was only a survival move. Liv secretly feels shame for being so much like her mum who never stayed in one place too long, and thus, never was able to create lasting, meaningful bonds with other people. She knows she might overcome it if she only tried working on it, but the world is so big and there is so much opportunity… why would she, unless there was something, or someone, to make her want to stay for good.

4. In her main verse, Izzie has a baseball bat next to her bed. I like to think she´d use that in some sort of Walking Dead verse too (since this is what you and me are writing). Liv would use her fire powers in her Marvel verse, and in her human verse… hm, I´d go so far as to say she would avoid getting into conflict altogether, but I could see a handgun in a dystopian verse. She knows how to use one, thanks to her mum.

5. Izzie will tone down her bite and bark for once (altough she´ll still be bossy as hell I assume), and simply care for you. Stitch up wounds, cook for you, invite you over just to spend time. Once she´s past that stage, she will be very physically affectionate, touching, kissing, holding hands, just generally being close. Liv… that´s more complicated since she´s generally a huge flirt and can make people feel good or just seen by her smile or random touches, or just being friendly (most of the time in a coquettish way). If her feelings run deeper, she usually Is up and away, but if she isn´t, she´ll take you on her late night drives, shows you her photographs, talks about her family. Then, you know it´s serious.

6. Izzie is so bone-deep honest it´s not funny anymore. She´ll tell it how it is. That´s why she despises lying. In her job, she can be empathetic and formulate the truth a bit softer, but that´s about it. Liv on the other hand… a little lie hurt nobody, especially when it´s a lovely night, and the stars align. Or when someone comes too close and you need to make up excuses why you need to leave. A spoonful of sugar, right?

7. Izzie would fly back home, see her family a last time. If she had a SO at that time, take them with her. Liv would know she wouldn’t be able to find her mum at such short notice, so she would look for a nice, crowded bar, have a couple drinks, and go out with a bang.

8. Izzie is strong as hell. She does not allow herself to crumble, and pulls herself up at the bootstraps all the time. Downside: she can be too hard on herself and others because of that. Liv is a master at adapting because that´s what she´s been doing all her life. Emotions, real, honest emotions, come hard to her, and that´s why she might come across as shallow.  

9. Izzie is a damn rock. Ride or die. Super stable. Her weak moments are rare and mostly lived through alone. Liv doesn´t really know stability, so she holds up best she can. PTSD, insomnia and her constantly changing life circumstances make her prone to instability.

[reimagining-twilight]

🦊 Chapter Three - Phenomenon Part Two 🦊

WARNINGS: Near death experience, cursing

Meeting Isabella had been an interesting experience to say the least. She is a like-minded individual and I found I enjoy talking to her. I'm relieved that she hadn't thought I was a stalker, but I will have to work hard to be more human if I want to even consider befriending her.

I think about this as I drove my siblings to school, Esme close behind us. It's a good thing that I know this drive so well because once I start thinking about Isabella she's all I can think about. When we arrive, Esme continues on to the staff lot and we park in our usual spot. I scan the car park for Isabella. Her bright red truck is easy to spot. She is staring at the tires of her truck. A wave of gratitude and something else . . . embarrassment, maybe, fills her.

I see out of the corner of my eye that Alice's, followed by Edward's, expression change from contentment to one of horror. She must be having a vision, but of what? Then I hear a screeching from the main road and a dark blue van slides into the car park. It's going to hit Eve Coleman's Ford Fusion, but then swerves to avoid an ice patch and goes skidding off in a different direction. I follow its trajectory in my head. It's heading straight towards Isabella!

Before I can think, I'm running, really running full vampire speed across the car park. I tune into Isabella's emotions and feel something strange, not fear, just acceptance. Is this girl so ready to die and if so why?

I slam hastily into Isabella. We are now lying behind Mathew Daniels' beige Honda that she'd parked next to, but we aren't safe quite yet. The van curls around the truck bed and is coming for her again. Like fate is determined to kill her and right now it really feels like I'm fighting fate to keep her alive. But why? I ask myself. Of course I don't want her to die, but why do I care? Whatever, I don't have time for that now.

I don't even think she has yet registered that I'm with her. "Crap!" I really had no need to say that and I probably shouldn't alert her to my presence but . . . She seems to register that someone is with her. Isabella's breaths and pulse quicken. I hold my breath.

The van makes its final approach and I shove my hands out to stop it. The van tips up and shudders to a stop far too close to Isabella for my liking. I will have to get rid of the dent in the car door later.

The van is falling back down and using one hand I grab it so I can move her legs out of the way. When she is clear I let the van crash back down.

Then everyone is shouting, "Isabella! Bella? Bella!"

"Izzy? Are you all right?" I whisper frantically. She is limp next to me, her eyes glazed. Did I knock her to the ground too hard?

Finally she blinks her eyes open, "Jasper? I'm fine." She tries to sit up but I'm still holding her. Her heart beat increases. She is confused yet happy. How is she happy? She almost died! I may never understand this girl.

"Be careful. I think you hit your head pretty hard," I warn her.

She notes her injury with surprise.

"Yeah, I think you might have a concussion," I tell her, hoping she will write off whatever she thinks she's seen as confusion.

No such luck. "How in the... How did you get over here so fast?" she asks.

"I was standing right next to you, Izzy," I explain, using my softest voice. I use my ability to make her believe me. I don't like gaslighting her like that but it's necessary. I use my gift as 'lightly' as possible.

She tries to sit up again and this time I let her. The burn in my throat subsides ever so slightly. I put on an innocent expression and Isabella just stares at me. She is confused. Good. And apparently she finds me attractive. A lot of girls do but in this situation it's particularly amusing. Despite the supposed hilarity of it all, I just can't bring myself to laugh.

People are shouting again and Isabella tries to get up again, but I put out my arm to block her. "Sit tight for a moment. I don't want you to hurt yourself further."

The concern I feel for her wellbeing is foreign to me, I can't remember caring for someone this much and don't know why out of all people I could've chosen to protect, it's her. Not that I mind, at all.

"But it's cold!" She protests, though she seems to understand my concern. She seems physically fine, but who knows what kind of internal injuries she may have. And then her eyes widen as if she's remembered something. Oh no.

"You were over there. You were standing by your car!" She exclaims.

I have to play this very carefully. I change my look of shock to one of sympathy. "No, I wasn't."

She presses on, determined. "I saw you." Of course she did. She isn't stupid. I push another small wave of compliance her way as I craft my story.

"Izzy, I was walking over here to ask you about our History homework. I was standing with you when the van started skidding and I pulled you out of the way." I stare intently at her. Willing her to believe, beginning her. Her heart rate and breathing increase but she seems to agree with me and there is that happiness again.

Still she keeps fighting back. "No."

Ugh, just give up. I hate to mess with her this way, but this is serious. I need to make her believe me. "Izzy, please," I say quietly, using the full force of my gift. The sudden change in the atmosphere is almost palpable and she winces.

"Of course," she replies and I slowly dull her feelings into a generic contentedness.

To even bring their equipment in, it takes most of the EMTs, the Trigonometry teacher and Physical education coach to move the van that I'd lifted so easily. If I weren't worried about Bella seeing me I would've helped them. Bob, the EMT, brings the stretchers. I refuse mine, using my gift to dissuade him. It's funny the way I had no qualms using it on other people but I just hate to use it on Isabella.

She tries to refuse her own stretcher and in truth she looks fine. She isn't even in any pain. Bob however disagrees and doesn't let her get away quite so easily though. Whatever is leftover from my manipulating her emotions is lost completely when they put her on the stretcher.

Finally free from the small space, I take a deep breath of clean air and as I use my foot to covertly reshape the dents in the van, I watch her flush red with embarrassment when they put on the neck brace. Luckily the wind blows her scent in the opposite direction.

Before Isabella is in the ambulance, a horrified Police Chief Swan pulls up. When he recognises her, he immediately jumps out of his cruiser, bombarding her. She seema to realise this too and sighed with annoyance. I think the least I can do is ease her burden. Instead of messing with her emotions again I focus relaxation on Charlie. He eases up immediately. Isabella looks confused but seems not to suspect.

For good measure I focus on the EMT too. Isabella feels a lot better now that she doesn't have to assure her worried father. I find myself smiling at her ease.

The EMT's assessment notwithstanding, I'm still worried about Isabella and it's my duty to my family to make sure that she doesn't say anything even mildly incriminating to the EMT. I turn to Charlie, easing the tense atmosphere, "Chief Swan, would it be alright if I ride in the back with your daughter, just to make sure that she's alright?"

Charlie nods, his enthusiasm completely of his own making. I'm legitimately surprised he is so eager. I'm expecting to have to convince him.

Isabella grimaces as I hop into the back of the ambulance. Did she not want me here? Is she embarrassed that I'm seeing her in a "weakened" state? Or did she simply not want my company? I should've asked for her permission. I can keep tabs on her from the front seat of the ambulance.

When they finish loading the stretcher, Charlie offers to escort us to the hospital. Isabella flushes again. I can feel the heat radiating off her in this confined space and hold my breath. She grimaces again when I got out of the ambulance. I figure that she must resent not being able to walk under her own power when she is clearly able. Why can't the EMTs see that?

I would've stayed to walk to the Emergency room with her but I have to see Carlisle first.

It's easy to find his familiar emotions, calm, cool and collected. He is in his small office, all alone, perfect.

"Carlisle," I say.

He hears my approach and he is alarmed as soon as he sees my face. He jumps to his feet, his face paling to bone white. He leans forward across the neatly organised walnut desk.

"Jasper! What can I help you with?" he asks cautiously.

I don't say anything for a few seconds, trying to collect my thoughts. "You don't –" Carlisle starts but I cut him off. It's easy to tell where his thoughts are, even without being a telepath, and I can't blame him for thinking what he does.

"No, it's not that," I promised him.

"Yes, of course, your eyes. I'm sorry I jumped to such a macabre conclusion," he apologises.

"I can't blame you. She's hurt, though, Carlisle. Probably not seriously, but. . ."

"Who? What happened?" he asks.

"A car accident. In the student lot. Isabella was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A van skidded across the ice. She was in the way. There wasn't time to do anything but raced across the lot and shoved her out of the way. No one noticed except for her. I had to stop the van, but again, nobody saw that besides her. I'm sorry Carlisle. I didn't mean to put us in danger. But I couldn't just stand there, let it crush her," even as I speak the words now, I still can't understand the feeling that had gone through me when I realised that she was about to be hit. He circled the desk and put his hand on my shoulder.

"You did the right thing. And it couldn't have been easy for you. I'm proud of you, Jasper."

"She knows there's something different about us," I say.

"That doesn't matter. If we have to leave, we leave. What has she said?"

"Nothing yet." I groaned internally at what I would no doubt have to do. Gaslight her, make her think she's crazy. The thought makes me sick.

"Yet?" he questions oblivious to my inner turmoil.

"She agreed to my version of events but she's expecting an explanation." He frowns, pondering this.

"She hit her head—well, I did that," I continue quickly. "I knocked her to the ground fairly hard. She seems fine, but I don't think it will take much to discredit her account." I hate the words, they leave a vile taste in my mouth.

I don't bother hiding my disgust for this plan and Carlisle hears the distaste in my voice.

"Perhaps that won't be necessary. Let's see what happens, shall we? It sounds like I have a patient to check on. I also think that given the severity of today's events you should spend the rest of the day with your mother. You can drive your siblings home later." He smiles and leaves the room

I love whenever I get to spend the day with Esme. I get to read and do class work in her office where it doesn't smell like humans. During her free time we play music together or chess. I wait alone in Carlisle's office—one of the longer hours I've ever lived—listening to the hospital staff's voices.

It's been an interesting day. In the second I'd ran to save her my entire attitude had shifted. That second changed everything, I changed my entire view on things and I know exactly what I was thinking: Not her! But I know I still have to be careful, I'm still very dangerous.

The door opens, interrupting my thoughts. I'm so preoccupied that I don't notice the scent or lack of heartbeat, "Carlisle is with a patient."

"I know doofus!" I turn, surprised to see Alice's pixie-like figure alone in the doorway. She is usually with Edward, "And, by the way, Bella will be fine. I've seen it! So stop moping."

"I'm not moping!"

"Uh huh. Well, everyone's in the waiting room, if you want to join us . . . or?" she trailed off.

"No. I need a break from humans right now, but thanks. I might join you later." I say. I need a break from all but one human, I amend in my head.

"Okay!" she says and suddenly Edward is waiting for her. She takes his hand and they walk back down the hall. (Alice is very interesting, she joined our small coven about a decade after me. It had taken me eons to figure out that when Alice found us everyone, except for Rosalie, including Edward, thought Alice and I would get together. Apparently Rosalie and Edward are supposed to be mates or something. They never had any more than a familial affection for each other. About 3 years after Alice joined us she and Edward got together and they've been inseparable ever since.)

I soon follow them out, heading the opposite direction down the hall to the Emergency room. Carlisle catches me there. "You look better," he commented. I nod. "Isabella's X-rays are fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her."

As I'd suspected.

I nod and keep walking towards the ER, lost in thought. When I get to the ER, the boy from the van, Eli, is mumbling under his breath, still apologising. Isabella is trying to escape his remorse by pretending to sleep. Her eyes are closed, but her breathing is choppy. I hear her huff in quiet annoyance.

I feel bad for Eli. He is genuinely concerned about her but I think I'm projecting more than a bit of my own worry. Her X-rays are fine. There is nothing wrong with her. Why am I so worried? I try to rein it in.

I stare at her face for a long moment, trying to untangle the knot of feelings I have, when I realise that it will take too long. I set the knot aside, take a deep breath and move into view.

When Eli sees me, he starts to speak but I put one finger to my lips.

"Is she sleeping?" I ask, to get her attention. She opens her eyes. I stand at the foot of her bed. After a second her face shifts into a weak glare. I have to clamp my lips together to keep from smiling. She really is cute isn't she? I've noticed her beauty before but never like this. It feels . . . good.

"Hey, Jasper, I'm really sorry," Eli started.

I silenced him with my hand. "No blood, no foul," I keep my face straight through my inside joke.

"Are you alright?" I ask, moving one of the padded chairs to her bedside. If she is uncomfortable with my proximity she doesn't show it. I tune more closely into her emotions. In fact she seems very comfortable in my presence. (This only adds to my general good feeling and I have to almost completely smother my emotions just to ensure I'm not projecting.) She continues to defy my expectations.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't trapped here like the rest of us?" she asks, frustrated.

I'm not ready to get into that yet so I just state the truth, "I'm not injured."

The good fades a little at her suspicion but only a little. She looks at me and I can tell that she knows it's utter bullshit. I just smile at her. I can hear Carlisle walking down the hall.

When he enters she is shocked and I understand why. He is extremely good looking, there is no denying it. He is young, only 33, and blond. In fact we share a lot of similar features. That's how we can pass for father and son. He looks exactly like the rest of us with his bone pale skin and golden eyes.

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asks.

"I'm fine," she says but her exasperation is apparent. Still not a fully formed emotion, I must be projecting again.

"Does your head hurt? I ask. You hit it pretty hard."

"It's fine." She turns to glare at me but that, too, is half hearted. I can feel her gratitude.

Carlisle feels around her scalp. It's times like this when I'm most jealous of his perfect control. He can be with humans, even touch them if he wants to, without hurting them, knowing he would never hurt them. (Even if he did it would be based on his choice not some feral instinct.) He would never choose to do that. He has near endless patience. It's amazing. Isabella winces when he gets to the spot where she hit her head.

"Tender?" he asks.

"Not really," she says defensively. Damn, this girl is stubborn. She hates to be seen as weak. This makes sense because she isn't weak, not at all, quite the opposite. She has a high tolerance for pain and handles everything with an impossible grace.

"Well, your father is in the waiting room. You can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all," my father tells her. Despite my prior knowledge of her perfect condition, I feel better hearing Carlisle declare her health aloud.

"Can't I go back to school?" she asks, suddenly miserable. I try to make sense of this. Most teenagers would be happy to miss school. Again she defies my knowledge of human nature. I hide my curiosity behind a slightly concerned face.

"Maybe you should take it easy today," Carlisle says gently.

"Does he get to go to school?" Isabella asks, the accusatory tone backed up with a hard glance in my direction.

"I do," I say, laughing. I don't mean to laugh at her but I am relieved at her health. She narrows her eyes at me and I feel the need to amend my statement, "but I'll be staying with Esme for the rest of the day"

"And, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room," Carlisle chimed in humour colouring his tone as well.

"Oh no!" Right! She hates attention.

"Do you want to stay?" he asks her. I know she won't.

She refuses, just as I predicted and he bids her good day, recommending some human medication for the pain, which she, also as predicted, denies her need for. I'm getting to know her better. I smile to myself.

"It sounds like you are extremely lucky," my father says, carefully, as he signs her chart in his 17th century cursive. It makes the modern medical chart look like a historical document.

"Lucky Jasper was right next to me," she corrects him. It's almost time.

"Oh, well, yes, I'm glad that you're both okay." Carlisle says, trying to be casual as he looks over Eli's chart.

Isabella approaches me and I prepare my lines. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asks.

I feign ignorance, "What do you need?"

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind," she continues.

Ah, so this is going to be a confrontation. As if I'd expected anything different. Hating the task at hand I turn and walk the length of the room to the hallway where I had previously concealed myself. I don't bother to match her pace and she runs beside me. I turn to face her. Here goes everything.

"What do you want to discuss?" I ask, keeping my voice smooth. She can't focus.

"I want to know the truth. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anybody. I just want to know why I'm lying for you. I don't like to lie so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it," she hesitates. "You owe me an explanation." Her voice drops to a whisper. If I were human I wouldn't hear it.

Her answer surprises me. Why did she care if not for some tidbit of gossip? Is she even a teenager? I want to trust her, I really want to. The honesty in her eyes, I'm so tempted. I resist the temptation.

"Bella, I had an adrenaline rush. It's very common. In fact you can google it. What do you think happened?" I smile, my voice is soft, slightly seductive. Maria used to speak to me this way. My throat burns on the words but I need to know what she thinks .

"An adrenaline rush?" she asks befuddled. Then her face changes. She remembers. I'll have to try harder if I'm to win this battle of wills. Why won't I just gaslight her, it'd be so easy. Yet the thought of taking advantage of her like that makes me sick.

"You weren't anywhere near me. Eli didn't see you either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both and it didn't! And your hands left dents in the side of it, and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all! And the van should have smashed my legs, but you held it up. You stopped a full sized van with your bare hands—TWICE—and then lifted it up off my legs with one hand!" She stops defiantly.

"I guess I'm a bit stronger than I thought, huh?" I laugh, pausing a beat, then my voice changes to something more derogatory. "Are you serious? You think I lifted a van off you? Bella, I was standing right next to you. You hit your head. I think you might be confused." I stare at her, like she is stupid. Then just to screw with her head even further, I make her happy. Not just happy, beyond blissful. She is helpless against the full force of my gift. She nods once, her jaw tight.

Why can't she just let it go? I hate messing with her this way. I use anger this time, projecting my annoyance so she feels the full force of it, scaring her into submission. "You're crazy! Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you." She shrinks back, afraid. I don't like scaring her like this but it seems to work.

We stand in silence. Being this close is hard but necessary. She is still on the high, smiling like a goof, a beautiful smile, and I have to work really hard not to smile too. But I'm still angry that I have to do this to her. Will she fear me or hate me now? For some reason I can't bear the thought. I'm angry at myself for this whole mess. I mean I couldn't have not saved her. Why do I even care? If her blood is spilt I would've exposed us all in possibly the most disgusting way and I hate myself for that. I'm protecting the family. That's what I tell myself and it's the biggest lie in the entire history of everything.

Suddenly Isabella's chin quivers like an upset child, "Why are you angry? Do you wish you hadn't saved me?"

Her voice is so soft and sweet it breaks my heart. I can't lie to her anymore.

"Of course not!" I say cupping her face in my hands. I know I should avoid revealing my icy touch but I can't help comforting her. "I could never regret saving you. I don't think I could've lived with myself if I let you die," I whisper and I pray to God she knows how much I mean it.

I take her hand, intertwining my fingers with her own, making sure to end her high. If she doesn't like holding my hand I want to know. She is happy now, of her own making, so she isn't afraid of me. A warmth spreads through me, filling my chest with something warm and fuzzy.

The waiting room is packed with the hormonal teenagers of Forks, but that doesn't make them less appetising. I hold Isabella's hand. It keeps me grounded. I'm determined not to be scary to her.

Niki and her group are gawking at us in curiosity, jealousy and disbelief. They don't believe that I choose to hang out with Isabella. They think she is ordinary and boring. How wrong they are! Humans part for us and we find our parents quickly, Esme standing next to Isabella's father, my siblings at the door.

Not letting go of my hand Isabella gestures for her father not to worry. He is worried anyway. "Ch— Dad, I'm fine, I don't even have a concussion."

I pushed a wave of calm again. It's too subtle to curb Charlie's anger. "That's good, but Eli can kiss his licence goodbye!"

"Dad!"Isabella says, appalled. I laughed. I truly feel bad for Eli. I can feel his remorse, "It's alright, sir. I think we can all agree that it was an unfortunate accident not to be repeated." I nudged him with a little compliance.

"Accident that almost killed my daughter," he mumbles. Isabella doesn't seem to hear.

"Oh, sweetheart, are you alright?" Esme asks Isabella who doesn't answer at first, but after a few beats of silence she seems to realise that the question is directed at her. "I'm okay, thanks to Jasper. He saved my life."

Esme smiles. Nothing can throw her. "Well I'm glad. It seems that you are both very lucky." She turned to thank Isabella's father for enrolling her in the music program. My siblings approached us eagerly, save for Rose who glared in the corner.

"Hi, Bella! I'm sooo glad that you're okay," Alice trilled, squeezing her. I gave her a look that Isabella can't see. Edward, hearing my thoughts, tapped her shoulder.

"Yeah you gave us a scare there, Izzy," Emmet laughs, smacking Isabella on the shoulder. She doesn't even flinch. I'm proud of her. Then I remember that she has Physical Education with Emmet. He must have done this a lot. I will have to talk to him about that. She isn't as durable as us.

"It's lovely to meet you, Bella," Edward says, shaking her hand. He is so good at being human, I'm jealous. Isabella's hand is still firmly in mine and she squeezes harder as Niki prepares to ambush us.

"So Bella, . . . you lived!"

"Yeah," she answers, clearly uncomfortable. I don't let go of her hand.

The girls proceed to subtly, not so subtly, question her. I fade in and out of obliviousness when necessary.

Isabella's father says that they can go. I expect her to be eager to escape but she takes a moment before nodding. She doesn't seem to want to let go of my hand. I don't want to let go of hers either.

Finally we do let go. I smile,"See you around Izzy." She smiles and walks through the door with her father. She is lucky she can go home and relax but I have to face my siblings. I wish I could've promised her that I would see her tomorrow, but I can't. I hate that, but there is nothing I can do. I'm gonna have hell to pay for the shitshow I've ust created. As soon as we are out the door Rosalie is beside me, pure rage flashing in her golden eyes.

Rosalie grabs me by the shoulders, shaking me. "Jasper Whitlock you pathetic bastard son of a bi—," Esme cut her off with a warning look.

"Why did you do it, huh, you piece of sh—"

"Rose, no!" Esme verbally reprimanded her.

"Esme, he risked our entire family for one fu—" This time Emmet cut her off putting an arm between us.

I lifted his arm,"No I deserve it let her get it out of her system"

"You sure?" Emmet asks

I nod. It isn't usually directed at me but I know very well Rose's wrath. "Yes," I say and I can feel Rosalie is torn about getting to yell at me or shutting up and denying me something I want.

"Fine! You want to know what I think? I think you're an ass of the highest order! You risked everything we've built here just for some plain fucking Jane! What the hell? Do you know how many students go to Forks High School?"

What? Where is she going with this? "Um, 452."

"That's how many people saw your dumbass stunt, you stupid fuck!"

Oh. "Rose I'm sorry I—"

"No! I'm not done! What is she to you anyway?"

I don't say anything. Rose persists, "Come on, answer me!"

"I-I-I don't know," I say and it's the truth

"REALLY!"

"I need, I need time to, to just . . . figure this all out."

"THEN GO!" She tosses me something. I catch it, the key to Esme's car. I just stand there. "GO!" Rosalie screams.

I calmly hand the key back to Esme and dart off not really knowing where to go. At first I run at top speed, eager to escape, but once I leave the Washington State area I change course to avoid humans, careful not to draw attention passing through the more densely populated areas. As soon as I clear them I'm vampire sprinting off again.

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Six (Harry Styles)

a/n: LAST PART OMG!! im a little emotional this story has come to its end but it already ended up like twice as long as i planned it to be haha! thank you so much for reading and loving the story, it means so much to me and i loved seeing your reactions as the plot developped! i hope you guys will be happy with the ending our pair got and i can’t wait to read your thoughts about the series as a whole!!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content

word count: 14.8k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

Waking up next to Harry is probably your most favorite thing in the entire world right now and you’ve been able to experience it every morning since you dropped Izzy off at Anne’s. You’re missing her like crazy and can’t wait to have her back, but part of you is desperate to stretch these days as long as possible, because you’re not sure if Harry will be comfortable with you sleeping in his room once his little one is back under the roof.

It’s always the same, yet you can’t get enough of it. Harry grumbles as he turns the alarm off, snuggles back to you for just a few minutes before he forces himself to take a shower. In the meantime you start breakfast and his coffee waits for him ready by the time he joins you in the kitchen. You eat together, sometimes talking, sometimes just silently enjoying each other’s presence and it’s the perfect way to start your days.

Then Harry is off to work and you go for whatever shooting you had planned for the day. Luckily, you’ve been keeping yourself busy. If your day ended early, you always found something else to do, you picked Trevor up another time and also managed to have lunch with Harry on Thursday which was such a nice change, even if it was just eating takeout in his office because you were in the neighborhood and he had some time to see you.

Now it’s Friday and you’re spending it with some editing and eventually packing, since you’re leaving to the countryside for Sarah and Mitch’s wedding when Harry comes home. You’ve been looking forward to this weekend all week, you had a few phone calls with Sarah and the two of you hit it off quite well, you can’t wait to finally attend the wedding. And also because Harry is coming with you, so it’ll be a kind of weekend getaway even though the two of you have been alone home all week.

Harry runs a little late from work so you leave about an hour later than you planned, but it’s all good, since nothing is planned for the evening, you just wanted to be at the location on time. It’s going to be a small wedding, nothing extra and it’s held in an inn near the beach, the perfect spot in your opinion, especially because even the weather seems to be celebration the occasion and it won’t be raining cats and dogs.

Heather: A double date? I don’t know, who’s the guy?

You’re texting Heather in the car and you finally bring up the possibility of going on a double date with Niall.

Y/N: Photo attachment

Y/N: He is a cool guy, I think you would like him!

Heather: He surely is hot! Alright, we’ll see. Anyway, have fun with your super hot and rich boyfriend this weekend! Tell me all about the wedding next week!

Y/N: Thanks!

Your eyes scan over the word boyfriend. You didn’t want to correct her and tell her that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend, just dating, because you kind of enjoy the thought of being an official item. It’s been just a few weeks since it all started and you know that Harry needs to take things in his own pace, but that doesn’t mean you don’t like to play with the thought.

You’re aching to finally call him your boyfriend or what’s better, hear him call you his girlfriend. The thought of calling this man yours is making you go nuts but you need to be patient with him. He has gone through so much change lately, you can’t let your silliness ruin it for the both of you.

It’s late by the time you arrive to the Inn and you both feel exhausted from the ride so you want nothing else than to get a good night sleep before the wedding tomorrow.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Sarah greets the two of you when you walk into the Inn. She envelopes you in a warm hug before doing the same with Harry. IN the meanwhile, Mitch has also appeared and he greets you with a short hug as well before giving a brotherly hug to Harry. “Had a safe ride?”

“Yeah, everything went fine,” you nod smiling.

“Great. Well, here is your room key, made sure you two are getting one of the larger rooms,” Sara smiles slyly, but you’re taken aback by something else.

“We’re sharing a room?” you ask turning to Harry, who seems nervous about your question, though it wasn’t your intention to make him ashamed in any kind of way.

“Oh, yeah. I mean, Sarah asked me this week which room I want and I told her we would be sharing… Is that okay? We-we could ask for a room for you as well if y—“ “Harry,” you chuckles softly, giving his hand a squeeze. “I would love to share, I just wasn’t expecting you to want to do the same is all,” you tell him and you can see the relief in his eyes instantly.

You talk over a few things with Sarah before taking your stuff up to the room and calling it a night. Harry takes a shower first in the small bathroom that’s joined to your room and in the meantime you hang your dress up so it doesn’t get too wrinkly by the morning. Then you just get all your equipment done, making sure everything is full and loaded for the big day tomorrow. When Harry is done you take your turn and the hot shower feels nice, quite relaxing. Walking out you find Harry lying in bed, typing on his phone, he smiles up at you when you join him in bed.

“My mum sent me this. They went to the park today.” He turns the screen towards you and a photo of Izzy is shown with ice-cream all over her face, grinning happily into the camera.

“She could literally live on ice-cream,” you chuckle, making yourself comfortable under the sheets.

“And gummy bears,” Harry chuckles before locking his phone and putting it to the side table. He is quick to wrap his arms around you, pulling you against his side and you smile as you snuggle to him, enjoying the heat of his body. “Good night, love,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

“Good night, H,” you softly reply before letting yourself drift to sleep within seconds.

You already have a lot of experience with weddings and no matter how big or small it is, the day is always a little bit chaotic, everyone is all over the place, there’s no time for just messing around, especially for you.

Following a nice breakfast with Harry on the tiny balcony that’s connected to your room, you are forced to part since Harry is supposed to be with all the other guys, getting ready in the room that’s reserved for Mitch, while you kind of need to be everywhere at the same time, but you obviously spend the most time with Sarah, wanting to capture all her best moments.

Sometime around noon you get about an hour off while everyone else is getting lunch and Harry texts you to join him on the mole down the beach that runs just below the inn. When you arrive he is already sitting on one of the old wood benches with a pizza box on his lap.

“Hey,” you smile softly and leaning down you peck his lips quickly before joining him on the bench.

“The boy ordered pizza and I got one for us too, hope it’s okay.”

“Of course, I didn’t even think about lunch until you texted,” you chuckle as he settles the box between the two of you and you both take a slice.

“So how are the photos coming up so far?”

“Good, I’ll have a ton of editing to do, but I think they will like the outcome.”

“Can I have a sneak peek of them?” he smirks playfully, but you shake your head.

“No, the first ones to see them will be Sarah and Mitch, sorry,” you chuckle as he pouts his lips at you, but goes back to his slice right after.

You both are just enjoying the quiet for a little, having had a busy day so far, exchanging very few words, but it’s still a nice time spent together. It is just the two of you until a guy approaches you on the mole.

“Hey guys! Mitch wondered where you went, H,” he smirks down at Harry before his eyes land on you. He is tall, but not as tall as Harry, rocking a noticeable beard and he is wearing the same outfit as Harry: maroon pants with a crispy white dress shirt. “Oh, you’re the photographer, right?” he smiles at you.

“Yeah, I’m Y/N,” you answer nicely, holding out a hand for him.

“I’m Landon, Mitch’s cousin,” he nods with a charming smile. “Sorry for interrupting your lunch guys. Just wanted to let you know that Mitch wants to do a round of shots when everyone’s back,” he chuckles.

“He is gonna be so hammered,” Harry chuckles shaking his head. “I’ll be back soon, thanks Landon.”

“No worries. I’ll see you around, Y/N,” he smiles at you before turning around and walking back to the inn. You catch Harry’s eyes for a moment and you have a guess what he is thinking about. Landon seemed to like you, with his flirty smiles and friendly introduction, he was surely thinking about shooting his shot, but he might not know that you’re dating Harry.

However he doesn’t say anything, just continues to eat his lunch in silence and quite frankly, you forget about Landon’s existence pretty fast.

After lunch it gets a bit hectic. The ceremony is starting at 3, so you don’t have much time left. You do the first look reveal thing and this time their son, James is included in it, which is honestly such a pure moment and capturing it feels like a privilege.

Soon enough the guests are starting to arrive and you quickly run up to the room to change into your dress. Most of the time you are not required to dress up for the job, but you like to blend into the crowd so you usually choose to wear a nice dress and you’re doing the same this time as well. You’ve brought a pastel yellow satin dress that teases a little cleavage, and you pair it with a cream colored cardigan, creating a simple but still elegant look for the rest of the day. You’re fixing your makeup in a hurry when the door opens and Harry walks in.

He immediately stops in his tracks upon seeing you in front of the mirror, his eyes traveling down the lengths of your body, a stunned expression adorning his handsome features.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were… in here,” he mumbles and you can see the blush forming on his cheeks. “You look… You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you chuckle softly. He takes a few steps closer to you and reaching up he brushes a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers leaving a trail of delicate touch on the side of your face.

Leaning down his lips hover over yours for a moment, as if he was giving you the chance to pull back, but who are you to deny anything from Harry Styles? So when you stay in place, he finally presses his lips to yours in a slow and tender kiss filled with passion. His hands cup your face in his and you bring yours up to wrap around his wrists as you kiss him back, already craving more than just a kiss.

But it feels like you are not the only one growing hungrier with the seconds, one of Harry’s hands wander down to your butt and you feel his palm’s warmth through the thin layer of your dress, though you wish there was nothing between his skin and yours. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, pushing you backwards you hate to break the moment, but there’s no time for any funny business. So painfully, but you pull back, already missing his lips on yours.

“I would really love to continue this, but I need to be with Sarah in about three minutes,” you chuckle softly.

“Yeah, I need to get back to Mitch too,” he sighs, pecking the corner of your mouth before his arms fall from around you.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” you smile up at him, fixing the collar of his shirt.

“Yeah,” he smiles with a boyish smile before you part ways again.

All through the ceremony you are kind of all over the place, trying to get the best shots, you don’t have much time to spare. Sarah’s entrance with her dad and James walking down the aisle is so beautiful and you get some amazing shots of Mitch’s emotions upon seeing his future wife. They tell their vows, touching every guest with their sweet words to each other and then they finally say ‘I do’ and become husband and wife.

You snap a series of photos of that moment as well, but then you allow yourself to peek over at Harry who is already watching you with a soft smile. You can feel yourself blushing, his gaze is warm but also quite intimidating in this sentimental moment.

And then the party finally starts. You try to follow the newly weds around as much as possible, but you also get around the tent, shooting pictures of the guests as well. You only get to have a few moments with Harry, because either you need to rush off or sometimes someone finds him and wants to have a few words. He is quite popular among the guests, but it’s no surprise. You’d want to have the chance to talk to him too if you saw him.

“Have you even had a bite yet?” A male voice calls out for you when you’re trying to sneak from one point to the other. Glancing over your shoulder you see Landon with a drink in his hand.

“I’ll eat later. The dance is about to happen so I need to be ready for that,” you smile at him.

“Mitch told me they found a really good photographer, but he surely forgot to mention how devoted you are. I’m excited to see the photos.”

“Thanks, I’m trying my best,” you chuckle.

“Save me a dance later?”

“Oh, um, sure,” you nod with a nervous chuckle. “But I really gotta go now,” you excuse yourself before he could even get another word out.

As you slalom between the tables you spot Harry sitting at one of them and he is staring at Landon from across the room, a not too friendly look plastered across his face. You wonder if he has seen you talking to him and now he is feeling jealous or if you’re just seeing things. But you don’t have much time to ponder on it, work is calling you.

As the happy couple share their first dance, soon enough more and more guests join them and you’re standing at the side, snapping the cute dance partners slow dancing to the music with Sarah and Mitch in the middle. You’re adjusting the settings on your camera, when a tall figure appears in front of you.

“May I have a dance?” Harry asks, holding out a hand for you like a true gentleman.

“Oh, I should—“

“If you are about to say you should be taking pictures, the bride told me to ask you,” he tells you with a soft chuckle and as your eyes fall on Sarah, she is smiling in your way happily, nodding her approval to get off duty for just a little.

“Then, I would love to,” you smile shyly, taking Harry’s hand as he takes you to the dance floor. Placing his hands to your waist he pulls you close to him while you rest your arms around his neck, swaying to the rhythm very gently.

“I always get a little emotional at weddings,” he confesses with a small smile.

“Yeah? Why?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I just… love seeing people in love. Especially when they are my friends,” he adds chuckling.

“It really is a nice thing.”

Harry pulls you tighter against him, his cheek pressing against the side of your head and you let your eyes fall closed for a few seconds, enjoying this moment with him. He starts to softly him the song and his voice flows through your ears smoothly, you’re in awe how good his voice is. He never told you he is a good singer too above being an amazing producer.

When the song ends some couples stay, but some make their way off the dance floor and you have to get back to your job as well. Leaning back you squeeze Harry’s arm as his hands fall from your frame too.

“Save a slice from the cake for me,” you smile at him and he nods with a smirk.

“I will. I’ll have it ready for you at the table.”

You place a short kiss to his cheek before you disappear from his sight, leaving him alone again.

The night carries on as usual, sometime after dinner your phone dies so you leave it on the charger up in your room before running back down. The party starts to unfold as the time passes, more drinks are being consumed and this is kind of your secret favorite part, because the more people drink, the more they are willing to pose for funny pictures. This is the time that births the best group photos, in your opinion.

Though you are having an amazing time, you can feel yourself growing tired. When it’s finally cake time you take some time off to sit with Harry who saved you a slice, just as you asked him. It’s nice to have a breather, just enjoy the evening with him by your side again.

“Mm, didn’t know you could eat icing without getting it all over my face,” you tease him, referring back to the time you made such a mess out of the kitchen when you tried to make cupcakes for him.

“Very funny,” he narrows his eyes at you, before dipping his finger into the icing and wiping it onto your nose.

“Hey!” you pout at him, cleaning it up, but he just smirks at you playfully before pecking your lips shortly. It’s the first time he is kissing you in with so many people around and it surely makes you giddy, knowing that he is not trying to hide you in any way.

Weddings are a lot of fun, but they always stretch so long. The party can last till the morning sometimes and you can’t just decide to call it a night and stop doing your job, you need to be there until the DJ shuts the music off and all guests disappear. And it seems like this wedding won’t be any shorter either.

It’s already past midnight when you decide to sneak out for a short break. You’ve been on your feet for way too long and you stole some food too. You hesitated if you should sit back to your table, but you felt like you could use some quiet so you left the tent and found a bench nearby.

As you sit and eat the food you snatched from the buffet table, you hope the party won’t last until the Sun comes up. You get so into your own little world that you almost don’t even notice the approaching tall figure.

“Having a break, huh?” Landon calls out as the gravel crunches under his fancy dress shoes.

“Ah, yeah. I needed a few minutes away from the music,” you chuckle softly. Landon stops in front of you and hides his hands in his pockets as he blinks down at you with tired looking eyes. It might be from the long night, but you are guessing the drinks he’s been consuming don’t help his energy either.

“May I say that you look really pretty? I haven’t been to many weddings yet, but the photographers went for the more comfortable look since they are not on the photos, but you chose to glam yourself.”

“Thanks,” you chuckle softly. “I like to blend into the guests.”

“Well, you don’t blend in this way either, because you look prettier than most women in that tent,” he compliments you and you’re starting to feel awkward. It’s not that you don’t like it when someone is talking highly of you, but it’s obvious what Landon wants and you are definitely not on the same page.

“Um, thank you.”

“I’m sorry if I come off too brash or pushy, but I promised myself I would never miss a chance to compliment a pretty woman when I see one.”

“That’s nice, but I’m afraid I’m not the right person to spend your energy on,” you answer with a tight-lipped smile. Landon narrows his eyes at you, but keeps his playful manner.

“So you don’t find me good-looking, is that it?” he teases and you shake your head with a soft chuckle.

“That’s not what I was talking about.”

“Then you like to break hearts, right? You must enjoy making men fall for you,” he carries on with his little joke and just as you’re about to speak up to tell him you are seeing someone, Harry’s familiar deep voice interrupts the conversation.

“There you are, I’ve been calling you.” He is talking to you, but his eyes are clearly glued to the man standing in front of you.

“Oh, my phone is in the room, I had to charge it,” you tell him.

“What are you guys doing out here?” he asks, clearly not liking the situation, you and Landon alone outside with no one else around. Jealousy is dripping from his eyes that appear so much darker now in the dim lighting.

“I’ve been dumped by this amazing woman right here,” Landon sighs dramatically and Harry cocks an eyebrow at him before glancing over at you.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yeah, she is clearly not interested in me, my charm didn’t work on her,” he laughs lightheartedly.

“I hope it didn’t because she is my girlfriend,” Harry answers simply and your lips part at what he just called you.

Landon stumbles back, his smile quickly vanishes from his face as he stares back at Harry. You feel like you’re watching some kind of documentary movie where male animals are trying to win over the female, only that Landon stands no chance in this situation, but you find it quite funny.

“Man, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t know!” he apologizes right away as he realizes why Harry has been kind of spicy around him. Landon then faces you. “Y/N, I didn’t mean to make it awkward and all that, I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you smile at him nicely. He mumbles something about checking up on Mitch before walking away, leaving you and Harry alone. He joins you on the bench, staring after Landon for a few moments before turning to face you. A much softer expression is showing on his face this time.

“So, you just called me your girlfriend,” you point out, trying your best to hold your growing smirk back.

“I, uhh—I did, didn’t I?” he chuckles nervously. “I’m sorry, it just slipped out, because I didn’t like how Landon was trying to chat you up all night…”

“So you didn’t…. You didn’t mean it?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows, feeling yourself growing disappointed.

“Well, I… I mean, I didn’t mean to say it like that, without discussing it with you, but… I would love to call you my girlfriend,” he admits shyly and you can’t believe that this nervous man next to you is the same man who owns a record label and manages his million dollars business every day without a problem.

“I like the sound of that,” you smirk, leaning closer to him so your noses are almost touching.

“Yeah?” he smiles, a lot more relieved and playfully than he was a moment ago.

“Mhm,” you nod, biting your lip. You blindly put your plate to the side before cupping his face in both of your hands and pulling him in for a kiss, your first one as boyfriend and girlfriend. Part of you feels silly that it makes you so ecstatic, like you’re a high school girl, but in this moment you couldn’t care less.

What starts as a sweet and innocent kiss quickly turns into something more, something heated. When Harry’s hands find your bare thighs and they slightly slide under your dress you can’t help but yearn for more, pulling him closer as your tongues meet. Your fingers lace through his curls, tugging on them gently and you’re fighting the urge to throw a leg over him and just sit on his lap straddling him. When he starts kissing down your jawline and neck, you have to stop him for the second time today, not that you wanted to do it anytime, but the time and place hasn’t been right.

“We can’t…” you sigh, pulling back even though every fiber in your body is telling you otherwise. Harry lets out a long sigh, nodding his head.

“Yeah, I know.”

“But hopefully, the party will end soon and then we will be all alone in our room,” you smirk at him slyly and it brings back the shine into his eyes.

“I can’t wait,” he mumbles before kissing you one last time.

From that moment, Harry lingers around you at all times for the rest of the night. He is always either right by your side, or within a few feet away from you, keeping an eye on you, but not in an obsessive and intrusive kind of way. His eyes are filled with lust every time you share a look at each other and you can tell he can’t wait for the party to finally be over. Whenever he is next to you, he makes sure to touch you in any kind of way. Placing his palm to the small of your back, your arm or your hips, or when you sit next to each other he rests his hand on your thigh or knee without hesitation. And you are loving all the affection you are being showered with.

By the time the wedding officially ends and you can finally call it a night, you are both touch starved and hungry for each other. Harry pulls you against him on the stairs up to your room, not even giving a damn that you are still out in the public. His mouth attacks you hungrily, kissing you anywhere he can reach as the two of you stumble up your way to the room.

Pushing the door open you basically fall inside, giggling against Harry’s lips as he shuts the door closed and presses you up against it, making you gasp at the action. He is so much more demanding and confident than the last time you shared an intimate moment and though you’re not sure how far he is planning to go, you know you are ready to give him anything he desires.

“As much as I love this dress on you, it needs to go,” he playfully smirks as his hands bunch your dress up on your thigh before grabbing it and pulling it off your body, leaving you only in your underwear so fast.

Your lips find his as your fingers work fast on the buttons of his shirt while you inch further into the room towards the bed. You both kick your shoes off on the way and when you fall to the mattress Harry’s shirt is already gone. He climbs above you as you sink into the way too many pillows and you blindly throw a few off the bed to give you more space. Harry licks into your mouth one last time before he moves down your neck and collarbones, peppering your heated skin with his kisses, his hands already sliding under your back to unclasp your bra. Arching your back you give him space to do the task on hand and a few moments later you are lying under him with your chest completely bare. His name falls from your lips as a whimper when his mouth comes in contact with your left nipple, kissing, licking and sucking on it while his hand kneads your other breast before he switches, giving both sides the same amount of attention. Your fingers lace through his unruly curls as you enjoy his touch that’s burning and soothing at the same time.

When he kisses down your stomach and hips, he hooks his fingers into your lacy underwear, but stop before doing anything, looking up at you for reassurance. You give him the green light by nodding and he carefully pulls the fabric off your body, baring you in front of his eyes completely. His kisses pepper his way up your inner thighs until he finally reaches your dripping wet core.

“Harry!” you moan when his tongue and lips press against your clit, swirling and sucking on it just right, making you shiver under his touch. He curls his arms around your legs, keeping them in place as he keeps working his magic, making you a whimpering mess with each lick.

He does the same thing as last time, teases you with his finger dancing around your entrance until you are basically ready to beg him for more. Then he finally pushes two fingers inside you and starts pumping in a slow pace that drives you nuts, leaving you ache for more of him.

You pull him up before he could get you to the top, because that’s not how you want it now and you need to know if he is ready to take this step with you. He understands what you want from just a look as he hovers above you and you cup his face in your hands tenderly.

“I want it,” he breathes out and you could come just from those three words.

“Are you sure?” you ask, though you just want to jump right at it already. Still, you want to make sure he is completely fine with everything that’s about to happen.

“Yeah. I am,” he nods before leaning down he presses his lips against yours.

Your hands reach down and undo his pants, pushing them down along with his boxers before he does the rest of the job kicking them off. His erection presses up against your thigh as his hips fall down a bit and you moan with just the feeling of him on your skin. Wrapping your hands around his shaft you start pumping him while your kiss never breaks.

“Oh fuck,” he moans in sensation and you grin against his lips, enjoying the thought that you are the one making him feel this good.

“Do you have a condom?” you breathe out.”

“Shit, I don’t…”

“It’s alright, I have one.” You sneak out from under him and rush over to your bag to look for your toiletries, you know you have one somewhere in there. When you finally find the little package you quickly get back to the bed where Harry is now lying on his back. Kneeling next to him you give him a soft, reassuring look.

“Do you want me to…?” you imply, holding up the foil.

“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” he nods and you swear you see him blushing. Ripping the package open you lean closer and roll the condom down his hard length before throwing a leg over his lap and get back to kissing him. You take your time with him, running your hands up and down his toned, inked chest as his palms warm the skin on your waist while your lips move together in sync perfectly. You could tell he needed a moment to get settled and wrap his mind around what’s really about to happen.

“Everything alright?” you ask, a little out of breath as you hold yourself up above him. He nods shortly. “Do you want me on top or you want to switch?”

“C-can you stay on top for now?”

“Yeah,” you smile at him warmly, before capturing his lips in a sweet kiss while your right hand wanders down his body until you reach his hard cock. Harry whimpers against your lips when you wrap your hand around the base, lining him up with yourself.

“Tell me if you want to stop, alright?” you ask him and in any other situation you’d find it a little funny that it’s you asking him that, usually this request comes from the guy, but you just want to make sure he is comfortable with everything that’s happening. Harry nods again and as he gulps hard his Adam’s apple bops up and down. Leaning down you kiss him again as you slowly ease down yourself just enough so that the head of his cock slides inside you. You stop, giving both him and you the chance to get accustomed to the feeling. It’s been quite some time for you as well, and your fingers do not compare to Harry’s size, that’s for sure.

He keeps one hand on your hip while the other reaches up and cups the side of your head, panting against your lips from the feeling of finally being inside you. Once you’ve made sure you both adjusted to the feeling, you allow yourself to sink further down until his whole length disappears inside you. You stay still, shutting your eyes closed as you let your walls stretch around his erection, making that slight pain you feel go away. Adding the length and thickness of his cock to the long drought you’ve had in the field of sex is making it feel like you are having your first time again in a way. It’s not that awkward and definitely not that painful, but still, that’s what it reminds you of.

“Are you good?” he asks, squeezing your hip gently. Your eyes snap open and meet his green ones that are now clouded with a little bit of worry.

“Yeah, it’s just… You’re big, Harry,” you admit with a soft chuckle that brings a cocky grin to his lips as well. “Just give me a moment.”

He just nods again and both his hands start running up and down your sides reassuringly as you take a few seconds to yourself before you start moving your hips. You start off slowly, dragging your movements out, trying to see what feels the best and judging from Harry’s moans and grunts he is enjoying himself no matter what you do. Your hands sprawl out on his chest, fingers digging into his skin as you lean onto him while starting to move up and down his throbbing cock.

“Fuck, you feel so good!” he whimpers, almost as if he was in pain, but you can see the pleasure in his eyes.

Your thighs start to burn, but you keep moving yourself, not wanting to stop, because you’re feeling your orgasm building up inside you. When he starts thrusting up to meet your movements, you moan his name so loudly there’s a chance the people next door heard you, but you couldn’t care about that now.

Harry might have noticed that you’re starting to get tired, so pushing himself up he wraps his arms around you and turns you over until you’re the one lying on the bed and he holds himself up above you on his arms. Your legs circle around his waist as he starts moving in and out of you, the new position making you both moan and gasp at the sensation.

“Harry!” you whine as he keeps hitting that one spot inside you, pushing you closer to the edge dangerously fast.

“Am I making you feel good, baby? You like it?”

“You’re making me feel so good, please don’t stop!” you beg him as he buries his face in your neck, sucking on the soft skin, most definitely leaving a mark on you that you’ll wear proudly tomorrow. You would never want to hide the fact how good Harry fucked you, let the world know that your boyfriend made you feel so amazing!

“Oh my God, I’m getting close. Are you feeling it too? Are you gonna cum for me, baby?” he asks, his lips brushing against your earlobe. Grabbing his face you pull him into a kiss, pushing your tongue into his mouth mercilessly and the grunt he lets out is making your insides tremble. It’s animalistic, so passionate and sexual, you want to hear this every day for the rest of your life.

“I’m close, go a little harder, Harry!” you plead and he does as you asked without hesitation, his hips slamming harder against you, making you gasp for air as your head sinks into the pillow, your back arching in pleasure.

“Cum for me, Y/N. Let it go!”

“Harry!” you whine, as you can feel your orgasm threatening to burst inside you any moment.

“Say my name when you cum, I want to hear who’s making you feel so good, baby!”

Your fingers dig into his hair as you chant his name over and over again with each thrust he makes and then your release finally arrives. You moan and whimper, shaking under his naked, sweaty body, his name falling from your lips as an endless glorification. Your walls clench around his cock and it’s the last straw for him as well, his thrusts become sloppy and uncoordinated as he cries out your name, his hips slamming hard against you while he rides his orgasm out. Reaching down you drag your nails down his back until you reach his perfectly round ass, giving it a cheeky squeeze while he buries his head into the crook of your neck, thrusting into you a few more times before coming to a stop.

Turning your head you kiss his temple, running your hands up and down his back while you both try to catch your breath, coming off your high. Soon Harry pulls out and rolls off of you, his body smashing into the mattress beside you, his face glowing from that post sex euphoria. After a few moments of just panting and blinking into the void you finally feel yourself returning to reality and rolling to your side you cuddle to Harry’s body, his arm instantly coming to circle around you.

“Everything alright?” you softly ask, placing a tender kiss to his chest under one of his swallow tattoos. The last thing you want is to have him freak out now that the deed has been done, but when he gifts you with a tired but genuine smile, your worries vanish into thin air.

“Yeah. I’m all good. More than good,” he chuckles before lifting his head and placing a soft kiss to your forehead. His fingers are dancing up and down your naked back, following the line of your spine and your ribs, his smoothing touch already working as a lullaby on you, but you’re determined to stay awake just a little longer.

“Are you turned on by hearing your own name during sex?” you tease him with a sly smile as you think back to how much he enjoyed you scream his name over and over again.

“I might have a bit of a praise kink,” he admits truthfully with a smirk.

“Mm, interesting.”

“What’s yours?”

“What do you like during sex?”

“You, balls deep inside me,” you bluntly answer, making him laugh at your words. “And I like doggy,” you then add to actually answer his question.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, and maybe some hair pulling. Not in an extreme way, but I like a little.” “Alright, noted,” he hums nodding.

You both clean yourselves up in the bathroom, moving around each other naked without any shame. Harry then puts on a pair of clean boxers and you change into your night clothes, though the moment you make yourself comfortable in Harry’s arms in bed his hand sneaks up your back under the shirt, tugging the material up. You could have just stayed shirtless, but now you’re too tired to even move. His fingers are drawing little patterns over your skin as you listen to his steady breathing before drifting off to sleep.

Sunday feels like a day after a sleepover in high school, when you’re thinking about everything that has happened the day before, and you’re so happy it happened but you’re kind of tired and just want the comfort of your home already.

Sarah and Mitch leave for their honeymoon early in the morning. You say goodbye and Sarah just keeps thanking you for your work even though she hasn’t even seen the picture yet.

“But I’m sure they are amazing! Can’t wait to see them!” she beams at you when you try to tell her to just wait for the actual outcome.

You leave the inn a little before noon heading to Anne’s to pick Izzy up. You have lunch somewhere on the road and then you sing along to the music in the car, enjoying yet another roadtrip together, making the best out of your last minutes alone. You’re happy to see that Harry hasn’t seemed to spiral after what happened last night, he seems delighted and pleased, maybe even excited. Driving down the highway he keeps a hand on your thigh whenever he doesn’t need to use it on the shifting gear and every time he reaches for you, it turns you into a giddy little girl.

“Daddy! Daddy!” Izzy chants upon running into Harry’s arms the moment you park down on Anne’s driveway. Apparently, she’s been sitting by the window for an hour, waiting for her dad to finally arrive.

“Oh, I missed you so much, baby!” Harry cheers, catching the running girl and lifting her up into his arms, hugging her close. It’s such a sweet sight, seeing the two purest people you know be so happy to see each other after a week spent apart.

“I missed you too!” Izzy sighs, wrapping her short arms around Harry’s neck, nuzzling into her daddy’s embrace and your heart is fluttering in your chest for sure.

Anne invites the two of you inside for a tea, Harry helps Izzy pack all her stuff while she is nonstop blabbering about everything she did with her grandma during the week, and Harry listens to her intently, even though she already shared everything with him on the phone when he called every night.

“How did the wedding go?” Anne asks you cheerfully as you help her in the kitchen.

“Oh, it was amazing! Sarah looked so beautiful and everything went smoothly.”

“That’s great, they are such a cute couple!”

Anne is quick to ask you about photography, how long you’ve been doing it and you even show her a few of your works seeing how enthusiastic she is about the whole thing. You were a little nervous about meeting her, but she is just as sweet and kind as her son, making it so easy to treat her just as a friend, not as the mother of your boyfriend.

Before leaving Izzy insists on showing you all the paintings she made for Anne this week, she has them on the wall in her little home office. While you’re shown around in Izzy’s personal gallery, Harry joins his mother downstairs, finishing up his tea.

“I assume the weekend went well, you two are glowing,” she smiles slyly at him and Harry can’t hide his boyish smile.

“I uhh… I asked her to be my girlfriend,” he admits and Anne gasps happily, thrilled about the news.

“I’m so happy for you, Har. I think she is a really good match for you!” she beams, pulling him into a motherly hug, kissing his cheek as if he was just a little boy, not a grown man.

“Thanks, mum. I’m happy too.” “You deserve it. It’s so good to see you living your life again.” Soon enough, Harry loads the car with Izzy’s stuff and it’s time to say goodbye.

“Bye Anne, it was so nice to see you!” you smile hugging her.

“Come back soon, Darling! Nag this old man to visit me more often!” Anne jokes giving Harry a playful look who leaves her comment unnoticed, giving his mother a tight hug.

“Thank you for everything mum, love you, I’ll call you alright?”

“Drive safe!” she calls after you all as you get into the car and wave her goodbye leaving.

The drive home tired Izzy out, or maybe it’s just the change of settings again. Whatever it is, she can barely stay awake until dinner, so once her tummy is filled Harry decides to put her to sleep early.

Izzy asks Harry to lie in bed with her as he reads her a bedtime story, she is extra clingy now that she is back with her daddy, but Harry is enjoying having his little one back so he doesn’t mind it. Izzy snuggles to his side, playing with the ears of the bunny she chose to sleep with tonight as she listens to his steady, smooth voice talk her to sleep.

“Daddy?” she asks quietly, already half asleep.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are you going to marry Y/N?”

The question catches him off-guard, he was definitely not expecting it especially since Izzy hasn’t even seen the two of you kiss yet.

“Why are you asking?”

“My new friend, Loretta from the park told me that if a boy and a girl live together they are probably in love and want to get married.”

“Loretta seems to know a lot about adult stuff,” Harry chuckles softly. “Well, it doesn’t exactly work like that, Iz. But… would you be happy if I told you Y/N is now my girlfriend?” he asks, feeling a little nervous, as if Izzy’s word on the question could destroy any possible future between the two of you. She stays silent for a few seconds and Harry starts to think she has fallen asleep, but then she finally speaks up again.

“Did you kiss her?” she asks and Harry can’t push down a soft chuckle. Izzy’s idea of relationships probably doesn’t go further than kissing and holding hands so this is how she is trying to put the picture together in her head.

“I did, yes.”

“Oh!” she exclaims. “I like Y/N.”

“Well, I like her too.”

“She can be your girlfriend,” she then replies, giving her blessing. “Are you going to get married?”

“Um, not for a while, no. But… it could happen if things go right,” he chews on his bottom lip, he is definitely not in the phase of thinking about marriage yet, not just because you barely just became an official couple, but that would be a huge step in his way of processing the end of his last one.

“Okay,” Izzy simply nods and that brings the end of the discussion. Harry has been a little nervous to have this talk with Izzy, he was afraid she might get a little confused about the idea of him having a girlfriend and the thought of her mother, but she seemingly didn’t even bring Maggie into her train of thoughts. Luckily.

When Izzy is finally asleep he closes the door and makes his way downstairs where you’re lying on the couch, watching the rerun of the news. You smile up at him upon his arrival and as he joins you on the couch, he is quick to pull you into his arms, making you snuggle into his embrace.

“I just told Izzy that you are my girlfriend,” he confesses and you lift your head up, not even trying to hide your surprised expression.

“Really? And what did she say?”

“Well, she asked if we are getting married,” he tells you chuckling shortly. “I told her that we shouldn’t get that far ahead. But she basically gave her blessing. She said she likes you.”

“Well I was hoping she doesn’t hate my guts after spending almost every day with me,” you chuckle, making him smile too. “But I’m happy she likes the idea of us.”

“Yeah, me too,” Harry nods before pulling you closer for a sweet, innocent kiss.

You finally get around to have that double date with Heather and Niall one month into your relationship. Harry’s weekends have been a little busy these past weeks, he had to go into the office on a few Saturdays, but now he has finally finished a huge project he has been working on so he can actually take some time off.

Ruth comes over to look after Izzy that evening and she keeps looking at you and Harry like a proud grandparent whenever she sees the two of you interact as a couple. Little touches and kisses have been more regular around home ever since Harry told Izzy that you are together. So far, she’s been handling it really well, she doesn’t seem to be confused about you and her mother and it might be because Harry has had a talk with her recently about her mother and where she really is now. His therapist suggested to be open about it with her as early as possible, and though she doesn’t seem to completely understand the idea of life and death just yet, she has definitely started to put the picture together in her head.

You’ve been spending all your nights at Harry’s room, so by now your bedroom is more like an office space for you and a storage for all your stuff, a place where you can be alone whenever you have some editing to do or just simply need some time on your own. Luckily, Harry totally understands the feeling of needing some space, he has his own limits as well and the two of you have been trying your best to coordinate around these lines when it comes to your relationship. After all, it’s been a pretty unusual situation, you were already living together when you became a couple, jumping a few steps in the timeline of a regular relationship.

Just as you were expecting it, Niall and Heather hit it off quite fast upon meeting at the dinner. Niall is in awe of Heather’s confidence and raw sense of humor that matches perfectly with his, while Heather finds him entertaining and somewhat like a challenge, since you honestly told her about Niall’s reputation as a womanizer, but it’s not something that could scare her away.

“He is cute, desperately wants to prove how good he is doing on his own, but I think that’s just a façade,” Heather tells you when you ask her about her date in the restroom. She fixes up her lipstick, staring at herself in the floor to ceiling mirror.

“So you think you want to see him again?”

“I’m not gonna run after him, if he asks for my number I’ll give it to him. But if he doesn’t, I won’t let him see my disappointment.”

“And what if he asks you to go home with him tonight?” you ask, feeling like teenagers gossiping in the girls restroom between classes. Heather smirks at you through the mirror before turning to face you.

“Oh, I’m not going home with him. That would bruise his ego so badly he won’t be able to think about anything else.”

You stare back at her stunned from how big of a genius she is. You would have never schemed like this when it came to men, but yet again, you never really needed to. Before Harry you were busy with Keith and that relationship came so easily to you. There were never really games, it took you about three weeks to get together. But Heather is a player and a very good one, apparently.

“You two look cute, by the way,” she smiles at you quickly washing her hands before the two of you head out, back to the table.

“Thanks,” you blush, eyes finding the guys sitting right where you left them.

After dinner you decide to stay for a few drinks at the bar a corner away and it’s been so long since the last time you were out just having fun, enjoying some time with good friends. If someone told you a few months ago that you’d be sitting here, sipping on a cocktail with Harry who is now your boyfriend, you would have laughed hysterically.

When Harry reaches for you thigh under the table, resting his palm on it, giving it a gentle squeeze just as a sweet gesture, you glance at him and he smiles at you as his eyes meet your gaze. It’s the first time you actually feel like any other couples. Having a nice evening with your friends, touching each other, holding hands, simply living in the moment knowing well that going home he will probably sneak into Izzy’s room, pressing a kiss to her forehead before joining you in bed, falling asleep with his arms curled around your figure.

It’s no surprise when Niall invited Heather over his place for another drink at the end of the night and you can barely hold your smirk back when she refuses and his face completely falls, especially because he was so confident in himself, the evening went well and he was probably sure she would say yes. Instead, she grabs herself a taxi and heads home upon parting ways. Niall is shocked, but he is quick to ask for Heather’s number from you before you say goodbye and you happily give it to him.

On the way home you think about how weird it is that you are still basically working for him. It’s not that you mind being the one who is looking after Izzy, it doesn’t even feel like a job, she has grown so close to you. It’s about getting paid for it when you’re Harry’s girlfriend and even though you know how untraditional everything has been with the two of you, now might be the time to make a change.

Harry checks up on Izzy while you get ready to bed and he joins you under the covers soon. Your thoughts about your possible quitting keep racing in your head and you decide to bring it up, just to see how he sees the situation.

“H?” you softly ask while he is checking a few things on his phone, propped up against the headboard.

“Yeah?” he glances at you, letting you know he is listening.

“Don’t you think it’s weird I’m still working for you?”

He stops and locking his phone he puts it to the nightstand to fully focus on the conversation. He just stares at you for a few seconds before knitting his eyebrows together, that crease between them making an appearance and you fight the urge to smooth it out with your finger.

“You don’t like taking care of her anymore?” Your stomach drops at the way he interpreted your question, because it’s not at all the situation.

“Harry, I love taking care of her!” you smile at him softly and can see the relief in his eyes. “It’s just a little weird that you’re paying me to be with her. I would do it for free,” you explain, hoping he now gets the whole picture.

“Oh!”

“Are you… Are you planning for the long run? With us?”

“Of course,” he nods and now you’re the one relieved at how naturally the answer came to him.

“Then maybe we should look for a solution that doesn’t make me feel like I’m a kept house woman,” you chuckle softly and a small smile tugs on his lips as well.

“What were you thinking about?” Sighing you bite into your bottom lip, not sure what he’ll think about the idea that came to you.

“I’ve been getting a lot of requests for photoshoots. I thought that maybe I could take two more days out of the week to work on them and stay home with Izzy for the rest of them. We could look for a nanny for those days. They wouldn’t have to move in, because I would be home by three probably. I think… I think it could work pretty well.”

Harry takes a few moments to think it through and you know he has to be considerate, the only reason he was so quick to hire you was because Izzy already knew and loved you. Bringing a stranger into the picture is a big change and everyone has to be fine with it to make it work.

“Would that make you happy? Staying home for half of the week with Izzy? I wouldn’t want to ask you to sacrifice your time for her… for us, if it doesn’t benefit you.”

For a few moments you’re just processing his words, but then you finally understand what he meant by that. He is thinking you might take it as if he is using you to take care of his daughter and he doesn’t want you to take responsibility for her if it’s not what you really want. But you see being in Izzy’s life as a privilege, you haven’t truly processed it yourself, but you start to look at her as your own daughter. Having spent the majority of your days with her these past months, it was inevitable to grow so fond of her.

Scooting closer to him you cup his face in your hands as you smile down at him softly, his green irises filled with worry and doubts, probably thinking that he is doing something wrong again, but he is not. He needs to have more trust in himself.

“I would love it, Harry. I love spending time with her and… with you,” you admit and there’s one thing that you’re aching to add.

And I love you.

But you keep that one back, not sure if he is ready to hear it just yet. It’s still so early in your relationship, and it might feel like a bomb if you just dropped it on him. You need to be a little more patient before taking this next step.

Bringing his arms around you he pulls you to his chest, a deep but happy sigh leaving through his nose as he kisses into your hair. Nothing else is said, but no words are needed. It’s been settled that you both are planning for the long run together and you’ll start to alter your life to make it fit into the picture.

You don’t jump into it right away, but a few weeks after the discussion you had about hiring a new nanny, you take the first step. Ruth agrees to cover one day every week, Fridays, so you can have it off for your sessions. Summer brings a lot of events and occasions and your calendar has been getting busier as your circle of customers has been growing lately. Though Ruth is more than happy to spend some more time with Izzy, you all know she won’t be able to do it too long, you need to find someone at last by the end of the summer.

Harry would never admit, but he is very anxious about bringing a new person into Izzy’s life. He is not the toxic kind of parent who wouldn’t let anyone get near his daughter, but he surely is considerate about who he lets to take care of her and it’s understandable.

On an afternoon spent at the park you are chatting with Ava, Yara’s mom when she mentions a nanny agency they’ve tried out before and had a really good experience.

“They hire people with at least three years of experience and many of their nannies have a degree in some kind of field in connection with child care. We had a nice girl from Russia watch after Yara, she is a primary school teacher but she moved here with her boyfriend for a year. She was amazing, really. Yara loved her, Saige and I loved her, it was a good match.”

She gives you a phone number and later that day you look up the agency, presenting the idea to Harry, who seems interested, but a little hesitant.

“We could still have an interview with them, right? Or I would have to just choose someone from the website like from a catalogue?” he voices his concern as the two of you lie in bed with your laptop propped against your thighs.

“I’m sure we can have an interview,” you smile at him.

Harry just nods, ergo he doesn’t reject the idea, but you can tell he has quite a few doubts about it, but there’s not much you can do.

In the course of three weeks you and Harry have five interviews with nannies that the agency sent and at the end of the day, Harry finds something wrong with all of them, even though they are only minor things.

“You rule out people for the tiniest things, Harry,” you sigh after the fifth interview with a kind middle-aged woman, Kaitlyn. “Based on these interviews you wouldn’t have hired me back in the days,” you joke.

“You know it was different with you,” he points it out and you just nod. He has told you so many times how you were just the perfect fit which is very charming, but it doesn’t help the situation on hand right now.

That evening, when you’re lying in bed, reading, while Harry checks up on Izzy one last time, you see that something is on his chest when he walks in and as soon as he is under the covers next to you, but you don’t ask him, instead just wait for him to bring it up himself.

“Y/N, I’m sorry for being such a pain in the ass about the whole nanny thing,” he sighs tiredly. Closing your book you place it on the nightstand before turning to face him fully.

“You’re not a pain in the ass, just very careful and maybe a little picky,” you add with a soft chuckle.

“Do you think I should be the one staying home with her?”

“Most kids spend the majority of their days separated from their parents in daycare, kindergarten or preschool. It’s not a crime that you are not a stay at home dad, not many like to do that or even fit for that role,” you shrug and it’s your genuine opinion. Just because parents don’t devote one hundred percent of their life to their children, it doesn’t make them bad. Parents deserve to be selfish sometimes.

“I just… I can get so into my head about everything I do wrong,” he sighs, closing his eyes and he seem so tired all of a sudden, like he has been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Brushing his hair out of his forehead you kiss him gently before his eyes open again.

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Harry. Believe me, Izzy is having the best childhood she could ever wish for. She is secure, loved and taken care of. Everything is going well.” He doesn’t answer, just nods as his arms wrap around you, pulling you to his chest and you gladly snuggle into his embrace.

That evening it felt like Harry was shifting in the right direction, but you can never know what really goes on in someone’s head and you couldn’t see what was coming.

A few days later another candidate comes for an interview, you, Harry and the young girl called Rachel sit outside at the terrace as Harry goes through the same questions he asked every other applicant while Izzy is playing around the swing set.

Rachel just finished her bachelor’s and is now taking a gap year before moving back to her hometown to work at her father’s law firm. She grew up with three younger sisters and took care of them most of the time to help her parents out who worked a lot. She is nice, very well educated and it’s clear she is great with children. Yet again, when you glance at Harry you don’t see him as satisfied as you are and you already know he is going to find something against her.

“Alright, so what is it this time?” you sigh once Rachel is gone and you can finally talk openly about her.

“She basically doesn’t have any official knowledge about kids, she just grew up with kids, that doesn’t qualify her as a professional.”

“Raising children is the best knowledge you can get, Harry,” you argue, feeling a little impatient this time. Rachel is perfect for the job, but any other applicants would have been fine too. You’re running out of time and Ruth won’t be able to help much longer.

“I would just be a lot more comfortable if it was a professional staying home with my daughter,” he answers, marching into the kitchen and you follow him.

“There were plenty of professionals between the previous ones as well. You are ruling everyone out!”

“I’m not ruling them out, I’m just trying to make the best decision for my child!”

“By being absolutely insatiable?!”

“Why is it so bad that I want the best choice?” he growls throwing his hands into the air.

“It’s not, but the best choice is not always one without any flaws, Harry,” you point it out, hoping he gets what you’re talking about.

“But I want this to be flawless!” he snaps and you can see that he has lost his patience at this point, but so did you. “I’m not settling for less than what I want, Y/N!”

“So then what? You lied when we talked about all of this? Because without a replacement, I can’t start working more!”

“I didn’t fucking lie, I’m just asking for more time!”

“Well it seems like you just want to push me into changing my mind about switching jobs and eventually say that I’m staying home, taking the blame off of you!”

“I’m not pushing you into anything, Y/N. We still have time until the end of summer, I just want to find the perfect person, give me some time!”

“Harry, there won’t be a perfect person!” you raise your voice, done with running the same circles at this point. “Any of the previous applicants would have taken good care of Izzy, why are you ignoring it?!”

“Stop telling me what to do when it comes to Izzy!” he then snaps, his voice beaming through the room, taking you by surprise. But what he says after this is what really hits you hard in the chest. “She is my daughter, not yours!”

Part of you knows he didn’t mean it the way it came out. Like you had absolutely no relations to Izzy, like you weren’t partially raising her way before you got together with Harry. You can see that it just slipped out in the heat of the moment, but your anger is making you selfish and not care about that anymore. His words hurt and you’ve stopped making excuses for him.

“Yeah, you’re right. Why am I still even here?” you calmly ask before simply turning around and heading out.

The calm but warning tone snaps him out and he is quick to realize he has crossed a line. He launches after you and almost catches you in the hallway when Izzy runs inside, calling out for him.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Harry stops and turns around to see if she is alright and it gives you just enough time to escape. You rush out of the house and throw yourself into your car, igniting it and driving away as Harry shows up at the front door, calling after you, but you ignore it, making your way to your mom’s. You need a familiar place to calm yourself down at.

Harry tries to call you several times, and though the first few times it rings out, you send his calls to voicemail almost immediately after a while.

“Damn it,” he growls after another failed attempt to reach you. It’s been almost an hour since you stormed out and he is losing his mind, not knowing where you are, especially after what he said.

He regretted it the moment the words fell from his lips, but he knew it was too late. He let his anger bring the worst out of him and it all crashed down on you when you didn’t deserve any of it. Harry knows you’re right, he’s been trying to find something bad about every applicant because… part of him thinks that he is a bad father for not being the one taking care of Izzy all the time. If it wasn’t enough already, he’s been feeling like a failure for years… ever since he lost his wife because he wasn’t ready to commit more time for his family. He’s been dealing with the thought of being the worst father for so long, sometimes he convinces himself it’s the truth.

If I was ready for another baby, Maggie wouldn’t have had to die. If I put my family first, she would still be alive, he tells himself often when he is feeling the darkness clouding over his mind. Little does he know that it’s all just in his head. It doesn’t make him a bad father that he wanted to wait a little longer before having another baby. He never put his work above his family, he was always there when he was needed and made sure his loved ones are safe and taken care of. Never in his life did he ever put his work before Izzy or Maggie or anyone in his life he cared about.

But sometimes, your mind can play dirty tricks on you. And Harry fell for them.

As time is passing by he is growing more and more anxious when he doesn’t hear from you. No calls, no texts, he has no idea where you went or when you’re coming back. Sitting on the edge of the bed he stares out the window blankly before his eyes wander to the side where you usually sleep and it hits him hard when he realizes how eerily similar the situation is.

Following a fight his lover runs away, doesn’t answer his calls and he can’t get a hold of her. It’s like history is repeating itself all over again and as realization creeps up his spine, his throat tightens and he gasps, tears flooding into his eyes. With shaky hands he grabs his phone and dials Niall’s number, hoping he is not out somewhere at a bar, ignoring his phone.

“What’s up?” he answers the phone delightfully.

“Call Heather now and ask if she knows Y/N’s mom’s address,” he snaps immediately frantically.

“Woah, what happened?”

“Niall! Just do what I asked!” he barks and ends the call, giving his friend the chance to obey. Luckily, Niall feels the seriousness of the situation and does as Harry asked. A few minutes later a text arrives to Harry’s phone with the address.

Putting Izzy into the car he speeds down the streets to Gemma’s house who is shocked to see her brother in this state, but she doesn’t have the chance to ask anything as Harry drops Izzy off and asks her to watch her for the night.

“Okay, yeah, but—“

“Not now, Gemma!” he calls back, already running back to his car, heading to your mother’s house where you sought comfort following the fight.

“Not that I don’t like having you here, but you really should go home and talk it out.” Trevor joins you outside where you’ve been sitting on the steps of the terrace, staring out into the darkening sky. It’s been a few hours since you basically ran away from home and Harry has been blowing your phone up so you put it into airplane mode, sending all his calls to voicemail until you feel like dealing with him.

Trevor sits beside you, his long legs coming up closer to his chest as he sits the same way as you, his arms hug his knees.

“I know, I just… I’m a little tired,” you mumble.

“You don’t have to discuss it, but Harry would want you home for the night, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” you nod breathing out. “Do you think I overreacted?” you ask him, feeling unsure about the way you acted. Was it too much? Did you have the right to do it? You’re not so sure about it anymore.

“Well, he didn’t lie about Izzy not being your daughter,” Trevor huffs. “Though he could have handled the situation better. I get it that he just wants what’s best for her, but you were right too.”

Sitting in silence Trevor doesn’t try to convince you to apologize or keep holding a grudge. He just lets you figure it out all by yourself.

Not long later you go back inside and grabbing your phone from the dining table you decide to turn it back on, missed calls and texts flooding the device, but for your biggest surprise, not just from Harry.

Heather: Niall just called me to get your mom’s address urgently, everything alright?!

“Oh shit,” you gasp, typing a quick reply to assure her that you’re fine and then you open Harry’s text seeing how frantic he grew over time and you realize what it must feel like to him. The situation is way too similar to the way he lost Maggie and though you didn’t mean to hurt him by putting him through it again, it’s already too late.

Just as you are about to call him to let him know you’re fine a car pulls up on the drive way and you know it’s him. You rush out the front door the moment he jumps out of the car, eyes wide, chest heaving as he finally lays his eyes on you.

“Oh my God!” he breaks down in tears as you smash against him, wrapping him in your arms, he does the same, his strong arms circling around your waist tightly as he sobs into your chest painfully.

“I’m fine, everything is alright. I’m fine. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for running away like that,” you mumble, kissing the side of his head, holding him for dear life.

“I was so scared it happened again!” he whimpers, his whole body shaking. You slowly start pulling him until you reach the little front porch where there is a small bench kept next to the front door. You sit and pull him with yourself, he doesn’t even loosens his hold around you, as if you would turn to dust if he lets go of you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through,” you hum, fingers combing through his hair as you try to calm him down. He is still shaking, but his sobs are starting to die down finally, his hands still fisting your shirt at your waist.

“No, I’m sorry for being such a dick. I didn’t mean it. You are doing so much for Izzy and I, I don’t know what I would do without you!” he whimpers and when he finally lifts his head up, your heart breaks at the painful look in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You were right about everything! Please forgive me!”

“Oh Harry,” you breathe out, the tears already welling in your eyes as you brush his messy curls out of his forehead.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to hurt you, what I said was bullshit! Please forgive me, I can’t… I don’t want to lose you, Y/N,” he stutters with one breath and then he adds: “I love you.”

Your lips part as you stare back at him in total awe at his sudden confession. Though it’s been an emotional ride, you weren’t expecting him to drop this bomb on you. A smile cracks on lips as you cup his face in your hands, feeling a hot tear rolling down your cheek.

“I love you too, Harry,” you answer, both of you letting out a relieved chuckle as he finally presses his lips to yours. His kiss tastes salty from both your tears, it’s needy and a little uncoordinated, but it means the world to you at this moment.

Sitting on the little bench you finally talk everything out once you both calm down enough to speak. Harry admits that he’s been so picky about the nannies because he is still struggling to be the best father he can and is reminded of being alone in this every time he faces a struggle. It constantly reminds him that he is supposed to have his partner with him, solving everything together, but now he is on his own and has to provide the best possible life for Izzy.

“Harry… you’re not alone,” you breathe out, heart aching for the man you love with everything in you. “And I’m not only talking about myself. Your mom, Gemma, Niall, even Saige, Ava and Linda are always happy to help you out with everything. If Maggie was still here, it wouldn’t be just the two of you. Raising a child needs a whole village,” you chuckle softly. “But if you want a partner in it… I’m here. And I really mean it. I see a future with you, I want to be part of your family, of course, only if you let me.” Reaching over your hand finds his on his lap and you squeeze it gently as he looks at you, his expression still a little torn, but it’s not as painful as it was when he arrived.

“I would love to have you be part of my family, Y/N.”

It’s like a rock is lifted off your chest upon hearing his reassuring words. This is all you ever wanted, have a partner in life who is willing to build a future together with you and Harry is offering you just that.

You stay on that old little bench for so long, you don’t even realize how late it has gotten, only when your mom shows up at the door, wearing her nightgown and a fluffy robe.

“Don’t want to bother, but do you want to spend the night? Just asking if I should get you some extra pillows and blankets…”

“Oh! Um, no. We are going home, but thank you mom,” you smile tiredly, noticing it’s nearing midnight now.

Harry stands from next to you and as he steps to your mother you realize they haven’t even met. Harry stands tall in front of your mom, but you notice the nervous flash in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even have the time to introduce myself,” he mumbles with a nervous chuckle. Your mom blushes, most likely finding your boyfriend quite handsome though you already showed pictures of him to her. “I’m Harry,” he says, holding out a hand.

“Oh, no worries! I’m Tina!” she smiles charmingly as they shake hands.

“Nice to meet you, Tina.”

“I know we should have probably had a better introduction, but we’ll come around some other time under better circumstances,” you chuckle softly as you stand up from the bench too.

You say goodbye to Trevor and your mom and finally head home. Harry tries to convince you to ride back in his car, but you don’t want to leave yours here, so you tell him it’s going to be fine. Both of you arrive in one piece and you only realize that Izzy is nowhere to be found when you walk into the house.

“Dropped her off at Gemma’s. I’ll have to explain a lot of things to my sister tomorrow, but it can wait,” he chuckles softly before his hands reach out to you, grabbing your waist gently as he pulls you closer to him. “I’m so sorry for tonight, Y/N.”

“Hey, we agreed that no more apologizing,” you remind him of the deal you made earlier. “It’s all in the past.”

Harry nods, huffing through his nose before leaning down he kisses you softly, as if you were some kind of fragile artwork that needs to be handled with so much care.

“I love you,” he whispers against your lips, his eyes barely open under his thick lashes.

“I love you too,” you smile back, your hands coming to rest at the base of his neck.

“I will never get tired of hearing that,” he chuckles lowly, making you laugh too.

“Good, because I’ll be saying it a lot.”

“Perfect.”

“Stop picking on your lip!” you warn Harry when you catch him fidgeting with his bottom lip. He wouldn’t admit, but he is surely nervous as the two of you are waiting for Izzy to join you downstairs. She just got home from the zoo with Gemma, they had an amazing day together, but it had a purpose. You needed her to be looked after while you went to the doctor. It was your first ultrasound since the time you went to see if you’re really pregnant or the tests just fooled you, but it was one hundred percent legit. You were indeed pregnant.

You and Harry got married a few weeks before Izzy turned six. She was the cutest little flower girl in the small ceremony held at the backyard of your own home. Both of you agreed that you don’t want anything big and flashy, just an intimate little wedding with your close family and friends. It’s been two months of being husband and wife and it’s almost completely sure the little baby growing now in your tummy was conceived on your wedding night…

You’ve been keeping it a secret, wanting to tell Izzy first before sharing the news with your friends and family.

“Do you want to talk first or do I do it?” Harry asks in a whisper, as if Izzy could hear anything from upstairs.

“I have a feeling you wouldn’t be able to get a word out so I’ll take the lead, if you don’t mind,” you chuckle softly and Harry doesn’t argue.

He has been such a nerve wreck thinking about telling Izzy that she is going to be a big sister. These past years she has dealt so well with processing everything about the situation with her mom, you and the idea of her dad having a new wife. You felt like she was a little confused at the beginning, but once you had an actual, mature talk with her, answered all her questions, you could see things shift to place in that cute little head of hers. Now she knows what it means that her mom passed and how you came into the picture. This is why you have no doubt she’ll take the news well, but Harry is still afraid she might flip.

Little feet tap against the floor somewhere upstairs and then Izzy runs down the stairs, joining you at the dining table.

“What’s the surprise?” she asks in excitement. You told her you have a surprise for her when she arrived and now she is pumped for whatever is coming.

“Izzy, you know how Zac has a little brother, right?” you ask, smoothly starting the discussion.

“Yes! His name is Jeremy!”

“Yeah. So Jeremy is a little younger than Zac, they are siblings. Zac’s parents wanted to have more than just one kids and so they decided to have Jeremy.”

“Mrs. Rumbald had him in her belly!” she explains cleverly. The topic of babies has already came up earlier, so now she has an idea of what really happens when a couple decides to have a baby.

“Exactly,” you nod smiling. “You know how your daddy and I are now married, right? We talked about what it meant.” Izzy nods, glancing at her father who is sitting beside you, sweating his balls off even though it’s going smoothly. “Married couples often decide to have babies. This is what your dad and I did too and now there is a baby in my belly too. That means that you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon.”

Izzy blinks a few times, processing your words before her face lights up with excitement as she gasps.

“Can I play with her?” she asks, making you and Harry laugh.

“Might be a boy, baby,” Harry chimes in.

“Okay, then can I play with him or her?” she corrects herself.

“Well, you have to be careful with newborn babies, but I’m sure she or he will love to play with you!”

“What’s it gonna be called?” she asks her next question.

“We don’t know that yet. But you can suggest names if you want to,” Harry offers.

“Can it be Elsa if it’s a girl?” she immediately suggests and you smile at her first thought. Of course she says Elsa, she is going through her mandatory Frozen obsession like every other kid at her age.

“We’ll put it on the list,” you tell her. “Do you want to see a picture of the baby?”

“You can take pictures of the inside of your belly?” she asks with a confused look.

“Well, not with a camera like the ones I use,” you explain as you place the black and white, messy picture of the tiny baby in front of her. She grabs it and starts inspecting it as if it was some kind of puzzle and you can tell she is having a hard time making out where the actual baby is. “That’s right there. It’s still tiny and has to grow a lot,” you tell her, pointing at the right splotch in the picture.

“Can I keep this picture?” she asks smiling up at you sweetly. “I want to put it to my wall!”

A while ago Harry has gotten her a huge frame right above her bed that has wires running across it with tiny clips attached. You’ve gifted her her favorite polaroids from your stack you’ve collected through the years, most of them featuring the three of you. It’s touching to know that she wants her little sibling there already.

“Of course!” you breathe out, touched by the idea.

You follow her up into her room and while she stands on the bed, you put the sonogram next to a photo that was taken of her and Harry on her sixth birthday.

“Can I tell my friends at school that I’m going to have a brother or sister?” she asks, still standing on the bed so now she is almost as tall as you are.

“Um…” glancing over at the door your eyes meet Harry’s who just shrugs, letting you know it’s up to you. “I guess you can, yes.”

“Thank you!” she beams, throwing her little arms around your neck as she hugs you tight and you return it gladly. “Can I watch some TV, please?” she asks with an angelic look she knows you can never resist.

“Yeah, but only for an hour,” you tell her as she jumps in victory before climbing off the bed. Running to the door she gives Harry a hug before disappearing down the hallway. Harry walks in, a proud and soft smile tugging on his lips as he steps to you, his hands finding your waist. He pulls you against his hard chest, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“This went well, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, you were such a big help, sitting there in silence,” you chuckle teasing him.

“But you handled it so good, baby. I didn’t want to interrupt,” he smirks and you just roll your eyes at him before circling your arms around his neck.

“Uh-huh, sure,” you smirk. “So… are you ready to be a daddy again?” you ask him with a shy smile.

“Technically, I never stopped being a daddy,” he points out. “The real question is, are you ready to become a mommy?” he asks turning it back to you.

“I’m… a little nervous, but very excited. I think I’m ready,” you nod smiling.

“Don’t worry, it’s gonna be alright,” he hums, kissing into your hair.

“Wow, when did you become the emotional support in this relationship?” you tease him and he just rolls his eyes.

“Learned from the best,” he nudges his nose against yours before kissing you softly. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” you smile against his lips, thinking about how long the two of you have become since you first met and you are happy you got to be the person who taught Harry how to love and be loved again.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[imagine-that]

Gone

Pairing: Alex Karev x reader

Warnings: ANGST! Mentions of abandonment, spoilers for season 16 episode 16

Your heart pounded against your chest as you opened the crisply folded letter with shaking fingers.

You could still remember the last time you spoke to him, the last words you shared. You were so scared he was hurt or dead or something in the past week. The letter was a relief but the idea of getting that instead of his typical lengths of communication like a text or phone call was unnerving.

“Dr y/l/n?” You heard Owen calling to you but your ears were ringing too strongly to focus on his words.

You were on his service for the day but this was immediately trumping any form of work you were supposed to be getting to.

“Y/n,

I’m not good with words. I never have been, as I know you know. So I’m just going to start out with it. I’m not beating around the bush on this one. I am in Kansas with Izzie. I know it may come as a shock or betrayal or something like that but it’s the truth. When I was reaching out to people for Mer’s hearing, I called her. A little girl answered and I had no idea why. It didn’t register at first. But then she gave Izzie the phone. Izzie was shocked to hear from me but she quickly told me about our kids. Ours. I’m a father. I never realized how much I wanted that until it was a reality. I went out here to meet them and I just can’t bring myself to leave them or to come back. The minute I looked at those big brown eyes of my little boy, I was a goner. I will always love you, more than you could possibly ever know. You’re the greatest love of my life and for that I will always thank you. I wish it didn’t have to go like this. It shouldn’t go like this. You’ve been there for me since the Dr Evil Spawn days and I’m a shit guy for not being able to say the same. I’ve left my share of the hospital and my seat on the board in your name. I know that can’t make up for this but it’s the best I’ve got. I love you. But I’m still in love with Izzie. I hope someday you’ll forgive me. I hope someday you’ll be happier than I ever could’ve possibly made you.

Alex.”

You drop the letter on the table, your eyes glistening with unshed tears, your hand covering your open mouth as a small sob escapes.

You felt more naive than ever, thinking he was just visiting his mom. Thinking he was coming back for you, coming back TO you. Your mind swirled with random things you might’ve missed, that he might’ve done or said that could tip you off.

“Y/l/n!” Hunt repeated louder, bringing you back to your senses.

“What?!” You snap, turning your tearful gaze to him.

“Are you ready to prep for our surgery or not goddamnit?” He demands. You jump out of your chair, no longer feeling like you can stay sitting down.

“No I’m not.” You mutter, running your hands through your hair.

“Did you just say you’re unprepared for a surgery we’ve had on the board since yesterday y/l/n?!” He asks, bewildered by your response.

“Yes, yes I did! And before you say anything more on the subject, it isn’t because I didn’t study long and hard or because I got drunk last night and am hungover because I’m not! It’s because I just found out my boyfriend, the absolute love of my fucking life is gone! He left me for his ex and her secret kids! I am officially alone and I can’t bear it, I can’t even breathe! The one person who matters to me is gone, without so much as a proper goodbye! So ask someone else to scrub in just this one time, for the patients sake and my own Hunt.” You cry out, your eyes stinging with tears.

He reaches over to comfort you, unsure what else to do but you hold out your hands to stop him.

“Focus on the patient Hunt. She needs you more than I do.” You instruct, blinking away the tears to try and lower his concern.

He takes a moment but finally he leaves, making sure the door shuts behind him for you.

As you hear the hinges settle, you fall the the floor in an emotional fit. Your hands rest on your head, running through your hair. The room is silent, all except for your loud sobbing.

You hiccup, trying to catch your breath, trying to find the will to get up and get back to anything.

Soon, the door opens and you gasp for air, trying to regain calmness for whoever it was.

“Save the acting job y/l/n, I just read a letter from Alex Karev handing in his resignation and came right down here. Get over here.” Bailey orders, holding her arms wide open.

You scramble to your feet, not wasting any time in getting into her hug. She holds you, rubbing your back soothingly as you cry into her shoulder.

“He-he said he’d never- never leave me.” You stammer between hiccups. “He- he promised me!” You sob, letting all your unsaid words fall out of your mouth for Bailey to hear.

“I know y/n, I know.” She says, patting down your hair.

You start to catch your breath a bit, pulling away from her and crossing your arms over your chest.

“I kind of made a mess of your sweater, I’m so sorry chief Bailey.” You mutter, staring down at your simple white shoes in shame.

“Oh please, it can be washed. You feel free to let it all out if you need to.” She dismisses, smiling sadly at you.

Suddenly your pager buzzed. With a sniffle, you checked it quickly and pulled your hair back, quickly blowing your nose and wiping your eyes afterwards.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Bailey asks, eyeing you.

“That was Dr Hunt, he needs me down in the pit while he’s in surgery.” You explain, sniffling a little more.

“Oh no. Nuh uh. You’ll send an intern for that. I’m calling Wilson up here and she’s going to take you home.” She orders.

“Bailey, I’m fine. Really.” You promise her but you both know you’re lying.

“No.” She says sternly. “Stay here!” She orders, walking out into the hallway.

It doesn’t take her long to spot Jo walking down the hall. She brings her in to the room and shuts the door.

“I trust you’ll be very, VERY discreet with this Wilson.” She warns, walking off to order someone else around.

“What’s happening?” Jo asks, obviously very confused.

Too tired and emotionally distraught to explain, you simply point at the letter laying on the table.

She skims it over and without a word, envelopes you in a strong hug.

“Wilson, I can’t breathe.” You sigh quietly.

“Sorry. It’s just- you two were perfect together. You were the perfect example of a healthy, happy couple. I thought- everyone thought you two were soulmates.” She rambles.

“Well everyone thought wrong, he loves someone else. Would you please drive me ho- to Avery’s? I just- I can’t be at home right now. I can hardly call that place home without him...” You plead, getting teary eyes all over again.

“Of course! Let’s go, I just have to change out of my scrubs. You probably should too.” She suggests but you shake your head.

The clothes you’d worn to work that day held memories. Alex had given you the shirt for your Christmas present a few years ago when he’d been too stupid to think of something meaningful. The shoes were ones you’d worn on your first official date. The jeans were the ones you’d worn the first day of intern year, the first day you’d met him.

There was no possible way you could put any of them on without your entire body aching and longing for his touch.

“Ok, ok. I’ll meet you in the lobby. Just one second.” She orders, leaving the room.

You stand there for a moment, hugging your arms around yourself.

When Jo returns, Avery’s with her.

“What is it y/n, I was about to head into a surgery.” He says impatiently.

You give Jo a tired warning look, to which she responds with a sympathetic, sad smile.

“Alex left. He isn’t coming back.” You sigh hoarsely.

He looks completely shocked, blinking at you for a second.

“Are- are you ok? What do you need?” He asks, rushing to your side.

“I’m fine just- is it ok if I stay at yours?” You ask, biting down on your thumbnail absentmindedly.

“Of course! Stay as long as you need, you have a key right?” He says, looking even more concerned than before. You simply nod.

“I’m gonna give y/n a ride over there then but could you go down to the lobby with him/her/them and just stay there while I change? No one should have to be alone if something like this happens.” Jo explains.

You numbly grab your pager off the table along with the letter and follow Avery down to the lockers where you quickly grab your things, barely glancing at them as you do so.

He leads the way to the lobby wearily, acting far over protective of you.

You stand in silence staring at your shoes, practically enough to burn holes into them. Few people try to stop and ask questions but when they do, Jackson puts a stop to it with a simple look.

Soon Jo rejoins you and takes your arm, leading you to her car in the parking lot. Avery says goodbye but you don’t respond, too scared to speak.

You sit in the passenger seat and stare out the window at the Seattle night scene, feeling more empty than you ever had in your entire life.

——————————————————

6 months later...

You wearily let your knuckle tap the door a few times, fidgeting with your bare right ring finger. Not long ago, a silver ring had a place there. Not long ago, the person who presented you with that ring had his arms around you, smiling softly at you. That smile continued to haunt your dreams, your mind, your everything.

Maybe what you were doing was a bad idea. You knew that. But you needed it. It was like an itch, you couldn’t not scratch it.

A perky looking blonde opened the door and you didn’t even have to look at her to know who it was. Her long hair was in a perfect ponytail, she wore an apron covered in flour and had a little girl attached to her leg.

“Hi, how can I help you?” She asked with a friendly smile.

“Izzie I presume?” You say, gritting your teeth and cursing yourself for your idiotic decision to come out here.

“Yes? Do I know you?” She asks, clearly puzzled.

“No I guess not. I uh... I started at Grey-Sloan the same year as you. As an intern.” You explain vaguely, feeling too cowardly to go any deeper into detail.

The little girl peers up at you, clearly very curious. It’s enough to make you want to run away, never look back.

“Alexis honey, go find daddy and tell him he has a visitor.” She tells the small girl. She nods up to her, running off with a big smile.

The blonde eyes you up and down and you nervously rub your hand up and down your arm, trying to figure out what to do with your hands.

“Izzie who’s at the do-.” A painfully familiar voice starts, his mouth agape as your eyes meet.

“Hi.” You say sheepishly.

“Y/n...” He says, more like a statement than anything else.

“Daddy who’s your friend? She’s/he’s/they’re real pretty.” The little girl says with a shy grin.

You smile at her a bit, trying to keep from crying again.

“Thank you. So are you.” You reply with a forced smile.

“Kids go with your mom and help her with the cookies. Daddy and his friend need to talk.” Alex says, his eyes never leaving your face.

Izzie watches you both for a moment, hesitant to leave you alone until Alex gives her a pleading look and she takes each kid into their extravagant kitchen.

“Let’s um... let’s go and talk outside.” He suggests, rubbing the back of his neck. You don’t say another word and you follow him out to the yard, sitting down with him.

“How did you even find out where I live?” He asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

“Well, I first considered paying a PI to track you down. I wanted to make you feel even a fraction of what I felt.” You admit honestly.

He nods but completely avoids all eye contact.

“But then Meredith told me you gave her the address in your letter to her. That you invited her to meet your kids.” You add, kicking your feet around to distract yourself.

“Those letters must’ve arrived pretty late, I sent them over 6 months ago.” He mutters, biting at his index finger.

“No... they got there then. I just- I couldn’t bring myself to come out here and make a damn fool of myself.” You respond, biting your bottom lip. “Kind of like I’m doing now.” You add under your breath.

“Y/n, why are you here?” He asks, finally meeting your eyes with his own.

“Well evil spawn,” you start off and he does the half grin that makes your head spin every time, even now. “I had to see you. I had to see what it was you- you left me for.” You admit with a gulp.

“Y/n-“ he says but you shake your head.

“No. Let me finish. Please.” You whisper, your eyes watering again. He nods for you to proceed. “When I met you, that first day of intern year, you were a complete ass. Charming, funny but a complete ass. I got to know you and I fell for you, fell hard. My heart practically beat just for you. When you left... I was devastated. I didn’t know how I could live. I didn’t know how I could do what I love and work with all these kids, some of which you treated their entire lives.” You explain.

“Y/n I never meant to hurt you.” He promises, gulping down a lump in his throat.

“Don’t you think I know that?” You ask with a sad laugh. “God, I know you would never mean to. But I just- we have this... this story. I loved you. I loved you with everything I had and I just- your shares and your seat don’t make up for those years of love and memories I have. That WE have.” You say, tears streaming down your face.

“I remember the first time we were in the on call room together and you were already asleep and I came in and turned on the lights and you were so angry until you looked up and saw it was me. You started flirting, suggesting we share a bed to keep room for other Doctors. You actually fell off that bunk and said ‘guess I really fell for you huh’. That was the first day you made me smile the way you always did. It was the first time I took any kind of liking to you whatsoever.” You go on, smiling sadly at the past.

“I remember that. I had a bump on my damn head for weeks but it was worth the headache to see you smile like that at me. Because of me.” He chuckles.

“Yeah. I know, you kept trying to tell people it was because I was a freak in bed.” You roll your eyes at the thought that the man in front of you would ever say something like that.

“Anyway, my point is that I have all these great memories and experiences. But they’re all tainted with this one thing.” You sigh, staring at the gravel road.

“I’m not in love with Izzie.” He blurts, making your head shoot up to face him. “I don’t... I don’t know why I said I was in that letter. I think it was just to make it hurt so you wouldn’t hunt me down.” He continues.

“You always have liked keeping people at arms length.” You murmur.

“That’s not fair, you know it isn’t.” He exclaims in defence.

“I don’t even know what fair is anymore Alex! You took that from me too when you left!” You cry back. “You left me! You took off, taking everything of me with you. My dignity included. I cried, no I sobbed in front of Miranda Bailey, my boss! I cried in front of her and all over her scrubs! I can’t even enter my own home! It’s been 6 whole months but I can’t bring myself to go back in that loft because it will drown me and I won’t be able to come up for air Alex!” You shout.

He looks to the ground, keeping his distance and not speaking.

“And Alex? That feeling? It hurts. It hurts so damn much, I ache all over trying to control it, trying to stop it. My body, my heart, everything aches for you even now and I can’t do a thing about it.” You continue, too worked up to stop.

“You left me stranded with not so much as a proper goodbye. THAT is why I am here. I need at least some fraction of myself back.” You say quietly.

“I love you y/n. Like I said in the letter, I always will.” He says sheepishly, pursing his lips as he stares down the ground.

“What, you think that letter of all things helps me or even helps you? It doesn’t.” You mumble.

“What else do I say exactly. That I miss you? Because I do. I miss you like crazy. But I can’t- I cannot leave my kids.” He sighs.

“I’m not asking you to. I’m not asking you to come back either. I’m not asking for anything. I just needed to say SOMETHING to you. I needed this for myself. It might be selfish or stupid considering you didn’t give me permission to come here like you did for Mer but I honestly don’t care.” You rant.

“Y/n, you’re kidding me right? I’m the selfish one here! I’m the one who made an idiot of myself, leaving the people I know, the people I love for this.” He exclaims, hand running down his head. “I mean I love those kids with everything I’ve got but I don’t belong here. I’ve tried to make it work with her but it’s become even more abundantly clear that she and I never have and never will work.” He admits.

You look at him, wide eyes, taking in everything he just said. You could feel yourself trying to resist him, trying to ignore the way he still looked at you like you were the only person in the world.

“I should’ve never left.” He mutters, head in his hands.

“Alex-.” You start, not wanting to hear the words you knew he would say, that you know would make you weak in the knees.

“No y/n, for real. It was stupid of me to think I could just abandon everything I cared about to move here.” He mutters, running his hand down his jawline.

You sit in silence for a moment, trying to process.

��You’re right. It was stupid.” You agree, avoiding his eyes. “But it’s a little late now. You have kids Alex. They... they depend on you. You can’t just leave that.” You say with a sad smile his way.

“I wouldn’t have to! The kids, they would love Seattle. And everyone there would love them! Not to mention, they would absolutely adore you y/n. Just like I do.” He says excitedly.

“Alex... Something tells me that Izzie would never be ok with that. And we both know with your situation she would win a custody battle. Not to mention the fact that you shouldn’t put them through that in the first place.” You argue.

“God, you’re right. You’re always right y/n. It’s annoying how much you’re right about things.” He groans.

You laugh a bit, getting to your feet.

“And it’s funny how wrong but cocky you always are.” You counter, giving him a goofy smile.

“I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed seeing that smile until you were already thoroughly pissed at me.” He laughs.

“I was not THOROUGHLY pissed at you...” You say and he raises an eyebrow.

“That’s not what Mer told me.” He teases and you blush pink.

“Fine I was practically throwing darts at your picture. But I got over it. Eventually.” You grumble

He nods, clearly understanding why you would have been angry. You already knew him well enough to know he would be just as angry at himself as you were.

“You know the reason I didn’t give you the address right?” He asks suddenly, his head bolting up out of his hands. You shake your head no and he starts to chuckle a bit, the half grin spread across his face. “I uh... I already knew that if I did, you would storm your way down here to yell at me and I would’ve taken one look into those big, beautiful y/e/c eyes of yours, I would never be able to stay here. I should’ve known this was a bad idea from just that alone. I’m in love with YOU. Izzie may be the mother of my children but you are the love of my life. I wish I’d never left you.” He reveals.

“I really mean that much to you Karev?” You ask, biting at your lip unsurely.

He looks at you as if you’ve lost your mind. “Of course you do y/n. You always have and I already know you always will. You’re my world, even now. Just the idea of you moving on drives me insane, no matter how selfish it is for me to say.” He rants.

This time, you can’t control your emotions or your movements. You go up to him and grab him gently by the back of his neck, pulling him in and smashing your lips on his. He immediately gives in, grabbing at your back and pulling you even closer, as though he was scared to let go.

You pull away, stopping yourself and him from going any further.

“I’d say that was the most proper our kind of goodbye could get.” You say quietly, touching a finger to your lips as you slowly step backwards, moving away from Alex.

“Y/n!” He tries to stop you but you’re already on a sprint down the driveway, not wanting to mess things up for his family anymore than you felt you already had.

And with that, you ran from the love of your life, not even looking back to see if he was chasing you this time or not.

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I’M HERE! I READ IT! I’M LATE BUT IT DID IT! SERIOUSLY REGRETTING NOT READING IT EARLIER! FUCK SLEEP WHO NEEDS SLEEP!

I LOVE THE TWINS SO MUCH SHCDUJUHKFDUISVFDHYDEBCSJ

LEXI TELLING EVERYONE THAT SHE CAN TALK TO RAZIEL BESTIE YOU DOING GREAT!!!

“Lying is wrong!” Selena had told her sister.

“Yes, but cookies are delicious,” Lexi had pointed out, munching on them.

“Daddy!” Selena had said. “Tell her it’s wrong.”

“Lying is wrong!” Daddy had said, but she had barely heard a word since his mouth had been stuffed with cookies too.

LYING IS OKAY IF YOU GET COOKIES

She did not care much for jewellery, especially expensive ones. But Magnus had given this to her – and she didn’t want to take it off.

She combed her long hair and tied it into a high ponytail. If she was going shopping with Magnus, she had to look her best.

It was fine. There were worse ways to spend your tenth birthday. She got to spend it with Magnus. She was not going to complain about it.

AWWW SHE’S LITERALLY MAGNUS’ NO.1 FAN UHSDUCSDUYSDCFUYKSVCD

“Oh!” Selena had beamed. “Like Magnus! He always looks so magnificent!”

“Sure,” David had said, his ears pink in the cold. “That’s who I was thinking about.”

I don’t know much but I do know that his ears were not pink because of the cold and he was not thinking about Magnus.

Selena remembered wishing she caught the fever so Magnus could take care of her too.

Same- I MEAN WOULDN’T WE ALL??

ALSO, MAX STAYING WITH DAVID WHEN HE WAS SICK DWHYDYGUFEYUKGFYEUGFEWUYG

Oh, Jocelyn died.

Rip I guess?

OOOO THEY INVITED THE COHORT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF BECAUSE SHADOWHUNTERS ARE DYING OF MUNDANE ILLNESSES

I say we kill them.

Selena had never felt anger like that before. She had wanted to drown that awful man in the lake she floated around in her dreams.

BESTIE SAME

“Lettuce?”

“Yes?”

“No screaming when I show you the gift,” Daddy said. “We have visitors at the institute.”

“Is it a sword?” Lexi asked.

“No,” Daddy replied.

“Then I won’t scream,” her twin shrugged at him.

AHUEDCHGUHFEWUIFUIRUI SHE’S SUCH A HERONDALE I LOVE-

PUPPY OH MY GOD IT’S A PUPPY!!!!!!!!

“IT’S A PUPPY! IT’S A PUPPY! OH MY GOD, IT’S A PUPPY! DAVID GOT US A PUPPY!”

Her twin had jumped – no, leaped – off the counter and dashed towards their father, who was holding a small grey puppy in his arms.

“I AM SO SORRY I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT YOU, LITTLE FRIEND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY TWENTY TOY SWORDS!”

“Lexi, stop screaming!” Mommy said. “You will wake everyone up.”

“EVERYONE WAKE UP AND COME MEET MY PUPPY!” Lexi screamed even louder.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH DHJBSDCHJBFSJSFEDSF

She drew the unlock rune on the door the way her daddy did on his office door and sneaked into the Consul’s office.

I’m not even surprised anymore-

AWW, SELENA GOING THERE TO LOOK AT THE MURAL OF IDRIS. YOU’LL GO THERE ONE DAY BESTIE I PROMISE

ANJALI IS HERE Y’ALL!!!!!!!

Anjali walked over to her father’s desk, sat down on the chair, and put her feet on the table.

The Inquisitor’s table.

Only she could get away with something like that.

THERE’S MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER Y’ALL

EVEN ALEC IS WARY OF HER UHJSDVCUHSVDUUHSVUHSUIVGRVSR

Selena loved Idris with all her heart. But she knew Idris was not a perfect place.

Any place that was mean to Magnus could never be perfect.

EXACTLY

“Well, it turned out well for me,” Anjali winked. “Now when he gives me shit for my ‘bad judgement’ I just throw his dating history in his face. Dated Zara Dearborn? Broke up with Cristina Rosales? Yikes. Could not be me.”

BESTIE YES! HOW CAN DIEGO JUDGE PEOPLE’S JUDGEMENT WHEN HIS DATING HISTORY LOOKS LIKE THAT???

“Just because he looks like a movie star, it doesn’t mean everything should be handed to him,” Anjali answered, rolling her eyes. “Entitled piece of shit.”

You know I kinda ship them-

“Dang, girl. No practice swords for you, huh. You just straight up went for the mortal sword. I like your style.”

“Uncle Kit!” Selena yelled and ran towards him.

KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT HISDUIDEUYKFSFUS7IKKIYGVFSDLY7TKGVFEDYTGFECYGU

ASH OMG ASH IS HERE TOO!!!!

"some man called Anus" BYE-

PARABATAI KIT AND ASH OMG

The whole pre-meeting prep is kinda giving me pre-wedding vibes idk how to explain but the whole rush and organizing that day and making calls and stuff.

“Ash was very beautiful. After Magnus of course” “She liked Aunt Izzy best. After Magnus of course,” GIRL HAS HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

"How bad can the cohort be?" well you see-

“Is that the cohort?” Selena asked, her voice a whisper.

“No, that’s a bitch.”

Yup. that’s accurate

“Is he here?”

“Whom?” Daddy asked.

“Alec Lightwood,” the woman asked.

“You mean the Consul?” Daddy asked.

“I meant Alec.”

“The Consul?”

“Alec!”

“Who also happens to be the Consul?”

“Fine, yes, the Consul!” the woman sounded impatient. “Is he here yet?”

It’s Lightwood-Bane bitch

AWWW SELENA DESCRIBING ALEC AS REGAL THAT’S SO CUTE

And accurate-

IT’S THE SAME BLUE AGAIN

Selena noticed her father was looking very emotional. She couldn’t blame him.

“My liege,” Daddy bowed deeply.

“Cut it out,” the Consul smacked him. “What’s the status?”

Yup, that’s them. Also same Jace.Same.

“I always expected the offspring of these two to be like…”

“Like what?” Daddy demanded.

At that moment, Lexi ran past the hall, yelling and screaming as she carried a toy sword in one hand and Dorian Gray in another.

“MAKE WAY FOR ALEXANDRA THE GREAT AND HER LOYAL COMPANION DORIAN GRAY! CHRISTOPHER! BRING ME MY OTHER NINETEEN SWORDS! WE MUST SET FIRE TO THE EVIL EMPEROR AND SAVE THE PRINCESS!”

“Like that,” Magnus chuckled.

Will in the afterlife, wiping tears: A true Herondale.

“I hope so too, Magnus,” Selena said shyly.

The Consul frowned at that. “It’s Uncle Magnus to you.”

Selena ignored that. The Consul was not the boss of her.

Well, technically he was the boss of everyone. But still!

UHNJCSDUHUSDHSVUDVUD SELENA

Do not remind me. I would like to remain blissfully unaware that not all of them are mortal :D

The Consul grumbled and turned to Mommy. “You were right to name her Fairchild. She is going to be a pain in my ass.”

“Hey!” Daddy covered Selena's ears again. “It’s like you guys didn't get my monthly newsletter on language modification!”

“No one here reads your newsletter, Jace,” Aunt Izzy rolled her eyes.

"I do," the Consul put up his hand.

Of course, you do Alec. I can totally see the LBAF gang defying Alec left and right UHKGXUYCSUYGCSYCFSED

“Izzy, how many times!” the Consul grumbled. “No placing bets on the children. Besides, everyone knows it’s going to be Alexandra.”

“Hey!” her parents said at the same time.

“What are y’all doing here?” Lexi came running then, cause her superpower was to magically appear whenever someone was talking about her. “We have shit to do! Come on!”

“Not helping, Lettuce!” Daddy shook his head. “Clary, take the lead.”

Of course, it’s gonna be Lexi.

FHUJCSDUHSDUHJ SELENA NOT UNDERSTANDING THE INNUENDO MAGNUS MADE LMAO NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS

“My name is Alexander Lightwood-Bane. I’m the Consul of the Clave. You will talk to me with respect.”

Selena saw Zara flinch at that. It was satisfying to watch.

Zara, I will gladly feed you to sharks stfu

“You sound a little jealous,” Zara grinned. “If you want to come back, we can arrange that. You could leave that good for nothing husband of yours and-”

“Zara, I swear by the angel,” Aunt Izzy said through gritted teeth. “Insult my husband again and see what happens.”

ISABELLE YES! I NEED MORE SIZZY WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF THESE TWO

SHE DID NOT JUST INSULT MAX AND RAFE FUCK YOU BITCH

OH, NOW SHE INSULTED THE TWINS. I WILL DROWN YOU DO NOT TEST ME

“They called me a freak too,” her mother spoke. “Insult our children again and I will show you what freaks can do.”

YES CLARY

Max and David were really close. Like Daddy and Uncle Alec.

Maybe even closer. Like Uncle Alec and Magnus - cause one of them was a warlock! And they always gave each other dopey looks.

HJBASYUGJCESDYUTGVCSDUTVSDT6U7VSDC THIS! (I think they get together because of the snippet but if they don’t-)

The moment Magnus left, Max snatched the credit card and whistled. “Y’all, Christmas came early.”

“We can’t just buy anything, Max,” Rafe rolled his eyes. “Dad will be pissed when he finds out.”

“Maybe we should buy little things we can hide,” Max winked. “Little…but expensive things.”

“Oh, like diamond rings?” Lexi gleamed.

“What would you even do with diamond rings?” Selena demanded.

“Sell them in the black market in exchange for cash,” Lexi replied.

“By the angel, Lex,” Rafe chuckled. “I'm gonna keep both my eyes on you.”

LEXI YES OMG YES YES YES YES

“Your demands are unacceptable,” Rafe said, imitating his father. “How about ice-cream?”

“I accept your counter proposal,” Lexi nodded, imitating Daddy. “Let’s unleash hell in Baskin-Robbins.”

BASKIN ROBBINS BOUTA BE RAIDED BY 4 CHAOTIC CHILDREN LET’S GO

Holy fuck she has children. Who’s the poor father?

“These are my sisters Saraquel and Remiel and Michael,” the boy pointed at the girls, completely ignoring Rafe’s comment. “Our parents named us after the archangels.”

“And they called us angel freaks?” Lexi muttered incredulously.

“I know, Lexi. Fancy names indeed,” Max nodded. “But kinda hard to pronounce to be honest.”

A very genuine what the fuck

“My name is Alexandra James Herondale,” Lexi said, her voice steady. “And I am named after the greatest Consul and dopest archer of all time. He is a better man than any of your dumb archangels.”

YES LEXI YOU GO, GIRL

“Idris is lame,” Max snorted now. “You don’t even have internet.”

Lexi shuddered at that.

The reason I would never want to live in Idris

THE WAY SELENA WAS READY TO BEAT THE GUY UP WHEN HE INSULTED MAGNUS AND HOW MAX GOT ANGRY WHEN HE INSULTED DAVID

SELENA’S 10 BITCH FUCK YOU

“Holy shit!” one of the girls said. “That was kinda cool. Is that a twin thing?”

“It’s a common sense thing,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “Duck!”

People are idiots

But Selena tried not to think about the other girl. It didn’t matter whose daughter Michael was – it only mattered whose daughter Selena was.

And she was the daughter of Clary Fairchild and Jace Herondale.

She was not going to run.

GIRL YES

Y’ALL DON'T GET KILLED

AYY MAGNUS IS HERE THEY’RE ALL GONNA BE OK NOW

“It’s warlock magic,” the boy whispered – but not too quietly. “It’s demonic.”

Some of the ichor from the demons fell right on the boy’s head.

“Oops,” Magnus said. “Warlock magic is also a little clumsy.”

HVBCDSHJCSDYCDYJGCD THE BOY DESERVED IT!!!!!

“Manuel has an important meeting,” Zara rolled her eyes. “I’m stuck babysitting them.”

“It’s not babysitting when you do it!” Daddy said incredulously. “You’re their mother. It’s called parenting.”

GODDAMIT WOMAN DON'T HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM

“He called David a bastard,” Lexi said.

“He did what?” her mother demanded.

“And he called Max a freak,” Selena said.

“He did what?” the Consul demanded.

“And he flirted with Selena,” Rafe made a face.

“HE DID WHAT?” Daddy looked murderous.

NAH BECAUSE WE’RE ALL DOWNRIGHT READY TO KILL THIS BITCH

ALSO, SELENA WAS SO RIGHT TO BREAK THE BOY’S NOSE.

“Look at them! Cahooting in demonic languages,” Zara sniffed.

“It’s Spanish,” Aunt Izzy said incredulously. “Your husband speaks it too!”

Zara you dumb shit-

That part where Magnus was checking up on all of them and seeing if they’re ok and the kids looked like they had never seen anything like that-

They deserve better. GODDAMN IT JULIAN BLACKTHORN MANAGED TO BE A BETTER PARENT 12

Her father held Selena’s hand in his. “You better raise your son to respect women, Zara – Because I’m raising my daughters to break noses.”

YES YES YES YES

He knelt down next to her and put a strand of hair behind her ear. “Can I tell you a secret, cupcake?”

Selena nodded. She loved secrets.

“People call me a freak too,” Magnus winked.

“You?” Selena gasped.

“Yes,” he nodded. “If people call you a freak, it means you are doing something different. Something bold. Something small minds will never be able to think of. So, it’s not an insult. Don’t forget that.”

YES THIS

AWWW THE LITTLE GIRL GAVE SELENA HER NECKLACE.

“Some people don’t like women in power.”

“Why not?”

“Because women get shit done.”

Selena giggled at that. “You said a bad word.”

“It’s not bad. Say it with me, Selena,” her mother said gently. “Women get shit done.”

YES WE GET SHIT DONE

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be afraid?” Selena asked. “I should be strong?”

“I'm saying you should be anything you want to be,” her mother kissed her head. “You can be brave like Izzy. You can be fearless like Emma. You can be kind like Cristina. You can be cool like Dru. You can be sensible like Maia. You can be confident like Lily. You can be smart like Tessa. You can be fierce like Diana. You can be geeky like me.”

Her mother held her face closely. “You get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. I want you to remember that - because there is no wrong way to be a woman.”

THIS! WE NEED TO HEAR THIS MORE OFTEN!

“The next time someone points fingers at you because you are a woman, go ahead and break them.”

DO IT

This was her mother.

Clary Fairchild. One of the most powerful shadowhunters.

Selena sometimes forgot that. Sometimes you forget your mom is so much more than your mom.

There is a person underneath that – someone full of dreams and hopes and talents you could never imagine.

SHE’S LITERALLY SO POWERFUL AND AMAZING IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON HATE ON HER I'M GONNA KILL THEM

THE IDRIS VISION EDYUGYFEUGYUKGFEWUYTGFEWUTFEW7FE

Rafe was going to be their leader. He would be Selena’s Consul. She knew it.

Gigi was going to be just like Aunt Izzy. An amazing inventor. A chaos to be reckoned with.

Lexi was going to be the best fighter in the whole world. She would fly above everyone and everything.

And David and Max…Well, they seemed very happy with each other. Selena supposed that was enough. Like Uncle Alec and Magnus. To find something you can be happy with no matter what. Because sometimes there was no greater purpose than love.

And Selena….She knew exactly what she was going to do.

She was going to lead all of them back to Idris.

Explain why I'm crying reading this. I love them all so much. They mean so much to me already. SELENA ONE DAY YOU’RE GONNA LEAD THEM ALL BACK TO IDRIS I KNOW YOU WILL

This chapter was beautiful. I'm gonna be in a corner crying in case someone needs me. See ya on Friday!! (well technically it’ll be Saturday for me since for me the updates come after midnight)

THIS GAVE ME LIFE. LIFE, YA HEAR ME?

Also my favorite comment (which I might print on something) - GODDAMIT WOMAN DON'T HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM

Also this made me laugh out loud so hard >> - GODDAMN IT JULIAN BLACKTHORN MANAGED TO BE A BETTER PARENT 12

[introductions-are-a-spook]

Reblogs and feedback always appreciated! Tag list: @kissthe-gogoat @kyuudomo @caloroso-cosmos @omrade-echorin Let me know if you want to be added or taken off!

Last chapter baby! This was an emotional ride, so sincere thanks to everyone who's stuck with me through it. Both followers, friends, and family. Your support really means the world to me.

“I still don’t understand why you need me for this.”

“I told you, you know the layout better. Since you didn’t give me a map like usual. Sides’ the place is empty- I wanted to ask more about how your whole business works. Somewhere truly private, y’know?”

It was the oldest trick in the book. Get them talking about themself so you can work. Or get them to say something incriminating. Which Antigone, of course, did not oblige.

It was slow work, but Maxwell managed to take back the notes Andrew used to leave in houses. They had sent to work painting the Antigone family seal on them in invisible ink.

With their family’s past (one easily dug up), the police would have no problem convicting Nikos Antigone of everything. All Andrew would have to do was play hostage here in just a few minutes.

“Oh, I need to pick this lock- bit of a two-hand job. Could you hold the note?”

Antigone growled but agreed with a sneer. Andrew discreetly pressed the button for Maxwell. Most likely he was calling the police right now- saying, well, something, anything, to get them there quick. Andrew couldn’t help but smile.

“You know, I didn’t know we went to the same school.” Perfect topic to stall with.

Antigone was immediately thrown off. “What? W-We did?” He sputtered.

Good lord. Bring something up from a criminal’s past and they’re all yours to manipulate.

“According to the book of signatures I passed around on graduation day, yes. Same year and everything.”

Antigone was now staring Andrew down with a dangerous glint in his eye. He ever so slightly thumbed at the dagger hilt on his belt. Okay, backpedaling now.

But the moment he saw faint police lights outside, he knew he had to keep going, for better or for worse. He only had one shot…!

So still fiddling with the lock, he blurted, “I saw your old school sweetheart the other day. Jennifer, right?”

Antigone froze. A stillness hung ominously in the air, like a jaguar about to pounce. The hairs on the back of Andrew’s neck stood up, and he almost started praying.

“How dare-“

Saved by the fuzz, though! As soon as Antigone looked as though he could kill Andrew, the men in uniform came streaming in the front door.

Andrew wasn’t all that scared. He winked at Antigone before yelling. “Help! I’m up here, he’s got a knife! Please help!” And more quietly, “Might wanna check the back of that note, Mr. Tig.”

Antigone didn’t bother to look, and instead pulled out the same weapon Andrew shouted about. “You tricked me!” he jabbed the knife at Andrew, who put his hands up in instinctive defense. “You lying snake!” And to the smaller man’s sickening shock, Antigone swung the knife, barely grazing his cheek and hitting his hand by sheer chance.

But upon hearing footsteps getting closer, the towering villain backed away, leaving Andrew to yelp in shock and fright and the rapidly reddening wound.

An officer stamped his way up the nearby stairs, and shouted at Antigone to freeze, but the man wasn’t having it. Andrew hadn’t thought Antigone would ever use an actual weapon on him- he was wrong. Whimpering in pain and paralyzing, icy fear, he moved only to foolishly pull out the blade and grip his bloodied hand.

“I am not to blame! This scoundrel here-” Antigone shook a finger at Andrew, “-is the thief you’ve been looking for! He did this to himself to make me-”

“Yeah, Chapman told us you’d say that.” A twinge of comfort came with hearing Max’s name, along with the struggling Antigone, who was now being arrested despite his best efforts.

And just like that it’s over, Andrew thought to himself as the officers walked him to a car and drove him to a hospital.

~*~

A day later in that same hospital, Andrew was recovering from a surprisingly quick surgery.

“The knife went through the top of your right palm, losing you a pinky and very nearly your ring finger, too. You have a couple options now; leave the stump or find a prosthetic somehow. Both are up to you to manage,” the soft spoken nurse informed him as soon as he was lucid enough to understand.

“Well, shit. Thanks, uh,” he peeked at her name badge. “Thanks Mary. Guessing you’re not gonna give me a new one for free then?”

“No, but I might,” came a gentle yet dry voice from the door.

Andrew turned as the nurse excused herself. “Max!” a fuzzy black figure hopped up on the bed next to him. “And Maxie!”

“Now, I’m not really supposed to have her in here, so…” Max chuckled, sitting down and giving the cat a few pets.

“Nah, I get it. So, finally coming to see me, huh?”

“I’ve been too swamped with end-of-case work. Our plan worked, you’re off scot free. I considered resigning, but-”

“But you don’t love me that much, I getcha,” Andrew teased.

Maxwell gave him a look. “More that I love my job too much to let it go, risks be damned.”

“Makes sense. But you didn’t come here to talk about work, did you?”

Maxwell reached for Andrew’s now four-fingered hand, gently running his five over the bandages. “This wouldn’t have happened if I had just-”

“Hey, it doesn’t matter now. You know that,” Andy reassured him, running his good hand through Max’s thick black locks. The man leaned into the touch, putting his own hand on Andy’s cheek.

“You terrify me,” he almost whispered after a moment. Andrew tilted his head but didn’t say anything. “I’ve never felt so conflicted before meeting you. It was torture. And even now I can’t be sure that loving you is a good thing.”

“Neither can I. And I’ve never met someone that can make me feel so cornered. I didn’t know I wanted to be. But, we’re both selfish jerks. So if loving you is gonna be bad for me, it wouldn’t be the first bad decision either of us has made.”

This made Max chuckle and lean in to kiss Andy. “You’re probably right.”

~*~

It had been a few months. A new metal finger glinted on Andrew’s right hand.

“Jennifer.”

“Andrew.”

“So, I heard ole’ Mr. Antigone is in prison now?”

She gave a solemn nod. “For ten years.”

Andrew blew a low whistle. “Well, shit.”

Her demeanor went from closed to fiery. “This is your fault, you know. I know you and Chapman did something to pin your shit on Nikos. And now I won’t be able to see him!”

Andrew drew away slightly. Both were silent for a time.

“…I think I get it now.”

“What.”

“I remind you of him, don’t I? That’s why when he disappeared to lead his family’s ‘business’ you attached yourself to me.”

She sighed. “…I don’t know. I guess I just hoped I could still hold onto him somehow.”

“So you held on to the crook classmate that shared some resemblance with him.”

She shook her head. Not as a ‘no’ but more as a self-chastise.

“We were horrible for each other. It’s no wonder we fell apart.”

“Yeah.” Another pause. “You could see about visitations.”

“I’ll figure that out on my own. I don’t even know if he’d want to see me. But, I know there’s still good in him. At least I hope so.”

“Heh. There’s my Jenny. Always hoping-“

“-never planning. I know, I know.”

He stood up and started to get ready to go.

“For what it’s worth, I’m at least sort of glad I knew you,” she said with a twinge of sadness.

“Same here. It’s probably best if we didn’t stay friends, but I’m sticking with that bakery. You can always come find me.”

And for the first time in years, she smiled at him- a genuine smile. “Thanks, Andrew. Good luck with your bitch detective.”

“With George and Darwin always lurking around? I’m gonna need it. Good luck with your crime lord.”

“I think I’ll need it too.”

They laughed, and then left, one by one.

~*~

Isabella was melancholically gathering her belongings from the bakery, occasionally swiping up a tear. Andrew walked in by coincidence, and she rushed to hug him.

“It’s not gonna be the same around here without me,” she mumbled into his chest.

“No, but it’s probably for the best,” he said, returning the embrace. “I’m so sorry, Izzy. It wasn’t fair for me to bring you into all this.”

“No, it’s alr… No, you’re right.” And with that, she couldn’t help but start crying again. “But thanks for being my dad, if only for a little while.”

“Dad, really?” he chuckled. “Sure kid. You changed my world for the better. Even if I hurt you.”

“I’ll never forget you. And… Well, I love you.”

“I love you too, girlie.”

She held onto him for just a little longer, before taking a shaky breath and grabbing her bag. “I don’t know if I can,” she whispered.

He gave her a dim smile. “You’re tough, kiddo. You can’t stay shackled to someone like me, though. I know you’ve got the guts to do what’s best for you.”

She wavered, unsure if she wanted to hug him again. But ultimately, she steeled herself, said a goodbye, and walked away leaving a bittersweet taste behind.

[bytheangell]

What Died Didn’t Stay Dead

(s02e20 inspired fic) (Read on AO3)

Everything’s fine. Everything’s great. Perfect, even. They won. They’re alive. They’re goddamn heroes.

Jace repeats those phrases over and over and over again. To Alec and Isabelle, to Clary, hell, even to himself. Everything is fine because it has to be fine. He has to be fine.

Except he isn’t.

Because when Jace died, he didn’t just fade away into nothingness: he went to Heaven. He died, and his soul went to Heaven, and he knows it was Heaven the way you know there’s air in your lungs and blood in your veins - it’s simply a part of you, a serenity and calm he’d never come close to imagining, suddenly his reality. Jace found himself existing in a state of pure bliss, as if every weight, every burden was lifted from him at once. He’d never felt so light, so free…

And then it all came crashing down and he woke back up on the dirty ground of Lake Lyn’s shoreline. And Clary… Clary was just so goddamn happy to see him alive, and Alec and Izzy’s relief was practically palpable, so he couldn’t tell them. He still can’t. And he knows he shouldn’t be upset with Clary but he can’t help it, because he knows what he was pulled back from and now everything feels wrong, and he’s afraid that he’ll never feel whole again.

He doesn’t know what’s wrong specifically, just that something is wrong. He can feel it in his soul, in the very blood that runs through his veins. But what is he supposed to tell Clary when she asks? ‘Hey, thanks for saving my life, but I think I came back broken?’ And that isn’t even the worst of it. He tries not to think about it, about the real reason he might be feeling this disconnect, but it isn’t exactly something he can forget. If he’s really being honest, with himself and with Clary, what he should say is ‘Thanks for saving me, but all you did was tear me away from the only peace I’ve ever known.’

Over and over in his nightmares, he feels that peace ripped away from him and he’s forced to relive the loss of it. And when it isn’t that, he sees Clary held in place and about to be executed by Circle members, or he sees the face of his father as he plunged his blade into Jace’s chest, complete with the sharp, burning pain of the fatal wound.

Because it was fatal. He died. For however long it took for Clary to kill Valentine and make her own wish, his heart had stopped and his soul had left his body. Alec felt the pain of it, he saw the proof of what really happened when their rune faded from his side as the connection severed. Alec knows, but Jace avoids talking about it because he can’t tell him the truth, not now, not ever.

“Maybe my heart stopped for a second, or my body went into shock. I dunno, I’m not a doctor,” Jace tries to reason the vanishing rune away with bullshit excuses that Alec doesn’t buy, but his parabatai does drop the topic after a while.

But not Clary. Clary just won’t let it go.

On some level, Jace is aware that it’s not right to force Clary to keep the wish a secret. He tells her that it’s for her own good, and that isn’t a lie because if the Clave ever found out then he didn’t want to think about what they might do to her for using the wish, and what they might do to him as someone unnaturally brought back from the dead. He’s trying to protect her, but he’s trying to protect himself just as much, and that’s the part he doesn’t share with her. Because he can’t talk about it, or else he’ll eventually have to talk about what really happened when he died.

Except all Clary wants to do is talk about it with him, because he’s the only one she can talk to since he forbade her from telling anyone else, even Alec and Izzy. Every time he leaves a room suddenly to hide the physical discomfort and sometimes pain he feels just from existing again, every night he wakes up crying out in his sleep after tossing and turning, Clary tries to get him to open up. When he grows distant and detached Clary only gets more insistent, until one day he snaps.

“WHY WON’T YOU JUST FUCKING DROP IT?”

Clary looks started for a second but recovers quickly. “Because there’s something you’re not telling me! We’re the only people who know what happened, which means if something’s wrong, I’m the only one who can help you! So let me help you, Jace!”

“You can’t help me, Clary! You’re the reason I feel like this!”

The second the words leave his lips Jace wants nothing more than to take them back. Hurt flashes across Clary’s face, mixing with the confusion from before.

“What do you mean? Did I… did I do something wrong?”

The quiet words Jace whispers next stand in stark contrast to his previous shouts.

“You brought me back.” Jace wishes it were that simple and he could just leave it at that. But he’s opened the floodgates now and there’s no stopping this conversation. A part of him doesn’t want to stop, either, eager to finally get everything out from where it’s been festering inside of him, poorly buried under lies and distractions. “I was happy. I felt… complete. Like I’d done everything I was meant to do, and this peace was my reward. I was in Heaven, Clary. And then I was back here.”

Clary doesn’t speak for a very long time.

“I just wanted to save you,” she says quietly.

“I know,” Jace says, but the words come out bitter and far from understanding. “And you used a wish meant to benefit all of humanity to do it - to save me from a place I didn’t want to be saved from.”

Jace can practically see his words sinking in as the expression on Clary’s face morphs from hurt to muted horror. When she doesn’t reply Jace just keeps talking, the words tumbling out with nothing left to stop them.

“We’re Nephilim. We’re meant to die in battle, it’s what we do! Sometimes I forget how far removed you are from everything we stand for… how obvious it is you weren’t raised a Shadowhunter. Because you don’t feel guilty for what you did at all, do you?”

This time Clary only shies away from the accusation for a moment before doubling down and growing defensive. “Of course not! I love you, Jace! I had a chance to bring you back and I took it. Maybe Nephilim are used to dying in battle, but that wasn’t a battle. That wasn’t some greater cause to martyr yourself for, and you didn’t deserve to die like that!” Clary’s voice shakes a little but she remains resolved, and under any other circumstance, it’d be that typical Clary Fray stubbornness that Jace usually finds endearing. Now, it only serves to push him that last step off the ledge of frustration he’s been building up since that night.

“Maybe I did! Maybe that was my cause, my purpose, did you ever think about that? I sure as hell don’t deserve to be alive at the cost of The Angel’s wish, and now I’m the only one living with that guilt because all you care about is yourself and that you got what you wanted!”

“I care about you!” Clary shoots back. “I’m… Jace, I’m so sorry. If I’d known, known where you went… I didn’t think-”

“You never do,” Jace says, shaking his head. “That’s the problem.”

The charged emotions shift to something softer, something decidedly more sad than angry.

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I didn’t tell you because I know your heart was in the right place. I just thought I could hide it better - or longer, until it didn’t feel so…” he trails off, not wanting to put words to that numb sense of longing he feels inside. The wrongness of it all. He knows Clary feels bad enough already without all of that, too, if she hasn’t pieced it together already. 

“How do I fix this?” Clary asks. “Just tell me what to do. Because you’re right - I saved you because I didn’t want to lose you, and I still don’t. I can’t lose you now, not like this. So tell me how to fix this.” Clary pauses, the hands previously on her hips dropping to her side in defeat as tears well up in her eyes before spilling over with every blink to trail down her cheeks. “Tell me how to fix us.”

“I don’t think you can,” he admits, swallowing the lump in his throat that threatens to stop the words entirely. He doesn’t cry, though. “I think I just need some time.”

Clary opens her mouth to immediately protest. Jace watches her slowly force it closed again, hands clenching into fists at her side as she takes a deep breath before speaking. “Alright. Whatever you need.”

He can tell she only half-means it, that it’s the last thing she actually wants to do, but the fact that she’s willing to do it anyway is a good sign that she can see how serious he is.

“You really never planned on telling me, did you?” Clary frowns.

“No,” Jace admits since they’re well past the point of lying to spare feelings now. “Because I knew you’d feel bad and want to try and fix it.”

“Of course I want to fix it!”

“But you can’t. There’s no undoing this, I just have to take some time to figure out how to live with it.”

“Okay. Okay, fine. But promise me,” Clary says, reaching out to take his hands in her own. “Promise me you aren’t going to keep me out forever. Promise me if there’s anything I can do, even if it’s just to be there with you, you’ll tell me.” She gives his hands a squeeze, the tears returning to her eyes. “Promise me you’ll be okay at the end of all this.”

Jace nods. He wants, more than anything, to believe in a future where he adjusts and settles back into the life he’s always known, with no unsettling feeling that something is wrong, with the belief that he was always meant to be here still. He wants to believe in a perfect future with Clary by his side, raising kids they put through the Academy and teach everything they know. He wants to believe that there’s an ‘okay’ at the end of this for him - for both of them - even if he can’t imagine it now.

It feels like an impossible promise to make at the moment, but he makes it anyway because he thinks it’s one they both need to believe in.

“I promise.”

He hopes more than anything that it’s a promise he can keep.

[cicinicole-14]

it’s always the darkest before dawn

hey listen, the entire jolexgroupchat fucking bULLIED ME into writing a part two for ‘denial isn’t just a river in egypt’ and that was very rude, but y’know it yielded results somehow, so like ??? take that what you will… anyway here’s this. enjoy.

Relief floods her entire body as soon as her eyes land on him. The feelings of dread and worry that had been wracking her body at the thought of returning to an empty loft with a baby that she had nothing for, by herself, terrified her. But just the sight of him brought relief through her.

She couldn’t cross the loft fast enough, practically catapulting into his embrace, grateful he was on the couch, fearing she’d knock him over if not.

She melts into his arms, burying her head into the crook of his neck, holding him so close, so tight.

The feeling of his arms wrapped around her waist and back, holding her against him, just like he used to. She inhales his scent, letting it flood her senses and relishes in the fact that he’s real; he’s here, for her, for them.

She pulls back, with tears in her eyes, but still, a sad smile on her face. “Come meet our son.” She says, pulling him up as she stood, leading him over to the bed where his carrier lay.

Meredith gently unclips the straps from his chest and between his tiny legs, adjusting the hat from covering his eyes and carefully lifts him out, presenting him over to Jo. Jo cradles him gently against her chest, tucking her head down to look at him and then back up at Alex.

“This is Luca. Luca, meet your Daddy.” She says, passing off the baby to Alex.

Meredith takes the moment to excuse herself, wishing the two a congratulations on their baby before slipping out of the loft, leaving the new parents to themselves.

Alex takes the baby from Jo, supporting his tiny, jello-y body in his massive hands.

Jo takes a step back, taking in the sight of how tiny Luca looked in Alex’s arms, the sight of Alex holding his son, the sight of seeing her family together. It resonates through her and she lets out a breath she’d seemingly been holding in, letting the calm feeling course through her.

She was happy. She felt whole. Everything was right.

Until it wasn’t.

Until Alex mentioned he was leaving the following week, on Sunday morning. Because he had a job, and kids, and an Izzie, and a life, all back in Kansas, where he didn’t belong. A life that she didn’t fit into.

And the feelings of dread resume. The feelings of denial come back, except this time, she isn’t able to deny the fact that she has a child, not with the way that he’s waking her up in the middle of the night every few hours to nurse. His constant crying to be held or soothed, or changed. The need of just being a newborn, and she just doesn’t have the energy anymore. Her world is cracking and crumbling, threatening to fall apart, only three days left until her shred of happiness will disappear again.

The three days pass in a blur, and she deteriorates even further.

The knocking at the loft door is almost concealed by the sound of Luca’s cries, but she doesn’t care. Whoever’s on the other side will go away eventually, she hopes.

Her hopes are crushed when there’s a key in the lock and the door slides open, and she can hear Meredith talking to her, but she doesn’t listen to her. And then Luca’s cries grow quieter, into soft whimpers and then smooth sounds of suckling.

“Jo! When has he last eaten? How long has he been crying?”

She doesn't answer, only clutching the pillow closer to her chest, taking a deep breath and inhaling the lingering scent of Alex still left on the pillowcase where his head lay, just that morning, mere hours ago.

Meredith paces the loft, feeding the baby and quietly getting him to sleep before putting him back in the crib across the loft, Ellis’ old one.

Meredith stays, the day, the rest of the week, stays every night, sleeping right next to Jo in the bed and seemingly takes care of them both, watching Jo slip further. She watches as Jo’s routine of getting up with Luca to feed him, clothe him, bathe him, all falter. She sleeps longer, harder. Her appetite fades and her mood fluctuates between being alright and conversing with Meredith to downright anger with her.

Meredith watches the light drain from Jo’s eyes, further and further every day. She watches as Jo starts refusing to take Luca from her for feedings, thus resulting in her having to give him formula. She watches as the bond she knew Jo had with her son, slips right out from under them.

She calls in reinforcements, in the form of Link, who Jo just ends up yelling at them both and barring Link from even being in the loft entirely after stating he was worried about her and concerned for Luca’s well-being.

She yells at Meredith for having the audacity to call Link in the first place, but ultimately decides to let her stay, having no energy to continue fighting with her, or energy to deal with the screaming child in the crib due to the influx of loud voices in the tiny home.

Meredith steps out late that night, calling Alex to inform him on what’s been going on. To ask him for help, to see if he would know what to do.

They gave Jo until the end of the week, gave her room to improve on her actions before Alex returned, but she hadn’t.

She had still been withdrawn and distant. Her son had barely seemed to know her by the end of his almost first month of life. And it broke Meredith’s heart to see such a close friend of hers going through so much heartache.

Alex returned on a Thursday, late in the evening, with a suitcase in hand, to see for himself just how worse for wear Jo really was.

“You left, again.”

The sound of her voice makes them both freeze as Meredith looks up at Jo just as Alex settles himself into the loft, ready to take Luca from his friend.

They both turn and stare at her, not knowing what to say. She’s still lying in the bed, unmoving, not even looking in their direction, he’s surprised she even knew he was there due to the lack of acknowledgement.

She doesn’t say anything else after that, and he apologizes, but there’s really nothing else he could say other than sorry.

He leaves early Monday morning, and Jo’s slight rise in demeanor fades again, and she goes back to the detached shell of a human she’d been.

She doesn’t eat again, doesn’t speak, doesn’t even flinch when Luca cries anymore, and Meredith’s grasping at straws, looking for answers at this point.

“She’s got PPD, Mer. I’ve seen the signs in parents in the NICU. It’s hard, but she was a huge candidate for it. The history of depression, the abandonment issues and past trauma I forced upon her by leaving her,  pregnant and alone. The medical complications with his birth. Almost every risk factor I could name, she’s got.” He says into the phone.

“What do we do? I can’t keep doing this. I can’t watch her as she throws away her life like this, Alex. I can’t watch her become this shell of a person when I knew how happy having a family with you would make her. I know she loves Luca, but I can’t watch her do this to herself anymore.” She’s got the phone wedged between her ear and one shoulder while she props Luca up on the other, patting his back to burp him.

She knows Jo can hear her, and she feels bad, initially, but maybe hearing how this was affecting her too, maybe it would spark something in Jo, she hoped.

“I’m coming back on Friday, I’m taking them both here. I can’t keep missing work, or leaving the kids, but I’m worried about her. I know she does better when I’m around. I don’t know if it’ll help, but they’re both coming here to live with me.” He says, “She doesn’t have a choice. I can’t watch her go through this, knowing I’m the reason why.”

“What about the twins? Have you told them? Izzie?” Meredith questions.

“Iz knows. I told her everything once I came back from the last trip. She’s the one that suggested moving Jo out here, since she’d seemed to do better with me around. And we’d sat the twins down together the other night to tell them about Jo and their baby brother Luca coming to stay at Daddy’s house, and they’d get to see them both when it was my days with them.”  He sighs, and Meredith can only assume he’s rubbing his hand over his face, thinking about the upcoming adjustments for them all. “Izzie even pulled out boxes of old baby things she still kept from the twins. And the new crib will be here on Thursday before I leave. I just need her here, them here. I need her to be okay.”

“She will be, it’s always the darkest before dawn. It’s Jo. You know she’s going to be okay. She just needs a little help.”

Friday hadn’t come fast enough for any of them. And it left Alex in a whirlwind of emotions and things to accomplish and do before the very short weekend was over.

Meredith had helped him so very much. Even Schmidt and Link had too, helping get things from the lot packed quickly, all while Jo had yelled and protested about leaving her home. About how she didn’t need anyone’s help and that she hated each and every single one of them for doing this.

But the moment that Sunday afternoon had rolled around, and Alex stood at the loft door, baby carrier in one hand and suitcase in the other, all hell had broken loose.

Jo had screamed at him, yelling how he couldn’t just take her son away from her. How he was ruining their family and how she hated him.

But Alex had just calmly set the carrier down onto the ground, careful not to wake his sleeping son, and reached out for Jo. He was careful of his actions, making sure she knew he wasn’t going to grab at her making her think he’d hurt her, but instead, he reaches out his hand and rubs her upper arm before she stills, and he takes the moment to pull her fully into his embrace.

He holds her, firmly, yet gentle, as he begins to swipe wisps of hair from her face that had fallen from the tangled bun on the top of her head. “Jo. Jo, listen to me.” He says softly, trying to get her attention. “I’m not taking him from you, I told you this, I promised you this. You’re both coming with me. I can’t be in two places at once, but you need me with you, so I came back here for you, to get you. We’re going to Kansas. We’re going to be a family there, together, remember? Remember what we talked about last night? You’re going to get to meet Eli and Alexis, and they’re going to get to know you, and grow up with their baby brother. They can’t wait to meet you.” He promises.

Her shaking anger starts to dissipate, and his tight embrace loosens as he backs away from her, just enough to look into her eyes. “Can we go now? We don’t want to be late for our flight.” He says softly.

She only nods in response, wrapping both her arms into his, fearing to even let go. He struggles for a moment, wondering how to juggle the baby, Jo, and the suitcase at the top of the loft stairs before ultimately deciding to leave the bag to walk Jo and the baby down to the car before returning to put the suitcase in after.

They return to his house later that evening, and he welcomes her home, hoping that the change of scenery might help.

He settles her in, showing her around before leaving her suitcase in the guest room, watching as the first thing she did was crawl into the bed to sleep.

He lets her, knowing that just traveling alone could wear her out in this state.

He decides on making dinner, her favorite boxed macaroni and cheese, in hopes it would entice her to put something in her body besides the protein bars they’d all been forcing her to eat just to basically survive.

He walks up the stairs with a sleeping, full Luca in one arm and a bowl of the macaroni in his other hand, leaving the bowl on her nightstand before putting the baby in the new crib in his room.

He turns in for the night a few hours later, and just as he’s drifting off to sleep, he feels her slip in bed next to him. He doesn’t say anything, just wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her close, inhaling her scent as he begins to drift off to sleep.

A cry startles him awake, and he turns to roll over and slip out of bed to sooth the baby, but she’s beating him to it, already halfway out of bed.

“I’ve got him.” A quiet whisper into the night.

And he watches as she shuffles across the room in the dark, lifting the baby out of his crib and reaching for the water bottle and container of formula on the changing table next to them, preparing a bottle like it was second nature to her. He watches her pace the room, feeding their son in the dead of night, as if nothing had been wrong.

The three simple words echoing in his ears that change his world. Three simple words that gave him the hope that everything would be okay again.

[kindrednerdspirit]

Sometimes a Thing Feels so Right: Part 4

Excerpt: This revelation, however, is not without its issues, because Casey now finds herself in the tricky situation of knowing it’s best to avoid private moments with Iz, but she also wants private moments with her.

Monday, first block. Casey’s perspective.

It’s 20 minutes before track practice starts and Casey has one goal: avoid any potential private moments with Izzie. Her decision is influenced by her most recent talk with Elsa. In a bizarre turn of events, the universe decided Casey would connect with Elsa on a deeper level twice in one week. Their first talk about Casey’s grandma helped her understand Elsa’s helicopter parenting and why she gets, well, annoyingly intrusive. Their second talk was an accident. A host of Izzie feelings reached a boiling point for Casey and her Izzie issues spilled out in front of Elsa.

For context, this is how it all went down:

The smell of roast fills the Gardner house. Sam works at the kitchen table as Elsa takes dinner out of the oven. He is sketching a new piece for his art class. 

“Sam, honey, do you mind telling your sister that dinner is ready?” Elsa asks as she cuts the roast.

“I do mind. I have to finish this sketch by tomorrow.”

Elsa is not surprised by her son’s very literal answer. He had been in flow for hours, sitting in the same spot since he got home from class. This is not a battle she wants to take part in, so she walks up the stairs to get Casey. Strangely, the door is ajar by a few inches. Curious in a way that any parent is interested in their teenager’s “secret” life, Elsa peers in before announcing dinner is ready. Casey is lying on her bed, curled toward the wall and sniffling.

She acts like she hasn’t been spying, and quietly knocks. “Case, dinner is ready.”

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right down.” Casey’s voice is soft.

Don’t meddle, don’t meddle, don’t meddle. Elsa repeats the phrase over and over in her head as she walks back into the kitchen and takes dinner into the dining room. A few minutes pass before Casey makes her way downstairs.

She sees Sam drawing at the kitchen table. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“I need to finish my sketch. It’s due tomorrow.”

“So, take a 10 minute break, eat, then finish it.”

Sam avoids eye contact and looks at the table the entire time he speaks. “Professor Shinerock says you have to find your peak time to achieve flow. My peak time is in the afternoon around 2:30, so this is when I have to start working on my art, because it’s when I’ll be at my most creative and productive. Professor Shinerock says to continue working in flow state for as long as possible.” 

“You know what else helps creativity and productivity? Not starving.”

“Of course, starving ruins creativity and productivity, because you’d be dead!” Sam tilts his head and furrows his brow. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say.” Without another word, Sam puts on his headphones and returns to his sketch.

“If you’re not eating by the time I’m done dinner, I’m pretending you’re an egg.” Casey walks away with a smile, knowing that Sam did not hear her warning. She sits at the table with Elsa and starts helping herself to potatoes. The two sit in silence for a minute, save for cutlery clanging against their plates.

“Sweets, I know I shouldn’t meddle--”

“So don’t.” Casey finishes.

“--but I’m just going to say one thing, then nothing else. Promise.”

Casey rolls her eyes but let’s her mum continue. Elsa takes a deep breath to collect herself. “You just found out that UCLA is interested in you, but you seem sad. And you haven’t had Izzie over in weeks, you mope around the house, you’re unexpectedly crotchety...”

“Mum!” Casey groans. “Please, get to the point.”

“I don’t know if Izzie is jealous about UCLA scouting you, but whatever is happening between you two... it will sort itself out. Try not to fret too much.”

Casey stares at her plate and pauses to mull over her mum’s words. “How do you know?” She’s afraid to look at Elsa. Afraid that if she does, all her emotions will flood out.

“Because of how you two look at each other. It’s special.” Elsa smiles, reflecting on when she first met Doug. When they first met, they shared the same long stares and goofy smiles as Casey and Izzie. Boy, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

“Thanks.” Casey is surprised by her mum’s kind words. “I don’t know if it will, though.” Her voice cracks. She shuts her eyes, because she can feel the tears forming. Elsa practically leaps out of her seat to embrace her daughter. She kisses Casey’s head, then soothingly brushes back her hair with her fingers.

“She’s… embarrassed to be seen with me.” Casey murmurs.

Elsa nods, knowingly. “I’m sorry, love.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Not everyone is as confident and comfortable with themselves as you.”

Casey smiles sheepishly and swipes away the tears. Of course, Elsa feels protective of Casey. She doesn’t want anybody breaking her daughter’s heart. At the same time, Elsa also understands Izzie’s situation to a certain extent, making her feel like a protective momma bear toward her, too. They have the shared experience of growing up with an absent parent, and perhaps, similar insecurities. Not to mention that both Casey and Izzie are just beginning to understand their sexual identities, so it's not surprising that this self knowledge is leading to difficult feelings.

Elsa is suddenly very grateful for reading up on parenting tips for LGBTQ+ kids. She chooses her next words carefully, so as not to imply to Casey that she knows about Izzie’s home situation. “Give her time, hon.” 

“I think I love her.” Casey sniffles.

“I know.” 

“Love who?” Doug walks into the room looking for dinner. He just got back from work, and somehow slipped into the house without the girls noticing. The question hangs in the air a few beats too long.

“Uhm, Izzie.” Despite not wanting this conversation to happen in this moment, Casey looks her dad in the eye.

“Yeah, I love her too!” He grins and pulls out a chair, completely oblivious to what is going on. Casey is not sure what to do, so she looks at her mum. The two watch as Doug happily sticks a fork into the roast beef, then proceeds to scoop carrots. The girls stifle some laughter. Maybe it’s best to let this one slide, considering Casey and Izzie’s relationship status is currently unknown.

“What?” Doug asks after noticing the girls’ looks.

“Nothing, Dad. Girl stuff.” Casey looks at her mum as she says it, knowing it will mean something more to her. She then grabs her plate and excuses herself from the table before dropping her dishes in the sink. Sam is still in the kitchen, completely absorbed in his art.

“I warned you!” Casey shouts. “Prepare to be egged!” With that, she scrambles onto Sam’s chair and sticks her butt on his head.

“Hey, stop! What are you doing?!” Sam protests.

“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who compared me to a penguin, so now, you’re my egg.”

“Why would that make me an egg? That makes no sense! You ruined my flow!” They continue squabbling, wrestling, and yelling.

Meanwhile, Doug looks at Elsa with a bemused but impressed expression. “Girl talk? Really?”

Elsa cannot help but beam.

***

Needless to say, when Casey found herself stretching on the field 20 minutes early, it was a calculated move. It’s amazing how saying something out loud can make things so clear. Once she told Elsa that Izzie was embarrassed to be seen with her as her girlfriend, something clicked. Casey could never pretend to be just friends with Izzie, it would never work out. She simply wasn’t the type of person to pretend, the type to play a role, even if it meant keeping Izzie close. 

This revelation, however, is not without its issues, because Casey now finds herself in the tricky situation of knowing it’s best to avoid private moments with Iz, but she also wants private moments with her. 

While she works on her quads, Izzie jogs past and veers off to stretch on her own. She’s wearing the tight Adidas shorts that show off her beautiful curves. Casey always considered her own muscular legs to be tall and lanky, but Izzie’s… they were shapely in all the most appealing ways from her legs to her hips. The same hips she held onto whenever she pulled Izzie close. She fit so comfortably in her embrace, with her delightful warmth and faint smell of vanilla beans.

The best part was when Iz was really close and her chin would dip up. Casey would look down and see the same desire in her eyes as she felt all over her body. A shiver would go down her spine, her breathing would quicken. And everything else would just, sort of, disappear. Fade off into the background. Iz would smile, showing off her button dimples and Casey would want to devour her right then and there for being too adorable.

Oh. My. God. Casey! You have one job. Actually, two jobs. No private moments with Izzie and no getting turned on by Izzie because it’s a slippery slope, my dude. Quick, think of gross things. Zahid kissing Gretchen? Zahid in a robe? Ew, ew, ew! Too far. Poor Zahid. I love the guy for being Sam’s friend, but he’s a serious vagina mood killer.

Izzie looks up from her stretching and their eyes meet. She has the longing eyes and Casey knows exactly what she wants. Shit. It’s too hard, so she looks away. Much too hard. The rest of track practice follows a similar pattern of eyes meeting and diverting. 

***

After 60 minutes of failing miserably at ignoring Izzie, Casey is relieved when Coach blows the whistle. She hustles to the locker room with a few other teammates. Casey is talking to another teammate when Iz jogs over, her high ponytail bouncing with each step. She cannot help but disassociate from the conversation, because she sees the infamous Adidas shorts. And just like that, she’s done for. Blood rushes toward her southern regions. The Zahid tactic fails. Once again, Casey curses her body and heart for betraying her brain. 

“Yo, Newton! Wait up!” Iz shouts.

At the sound of her voice, Casey wavers for a millisecond. She decides to continue listening to her peers, pretending not to hear. But Iz is persistent. Casey’s words from the other night with Elsa race through her head.

She’s embarrassed to be seen with me.

The words are upsetting. There’s so many reasons why, it’s hard to pick only one, but she mostly feels frustrated. Frustrated that she cannot hold or kiss Izzie in public, that she cannot share her love with the world, despite their mutual feelings. Worst of all, she feels the immense hurt that comes with knowing she cannot pretend to be just friends. She hates that it has to be all or nothing. But to do otherwise, would be to betray herself. All these complicated emotions build up inside her until she finds herself towering over Izzie.

“I don’t know how to make this more clear. I don’t want to talk to you.”

Her cold tone surprises even her. She watches Izzie’s eyes widen, then feels her heart clench in response. Despite everything, her instant reaction is to make Iz feel better. And she easily could. Casey could slip her arms around her, up to the small of her back. Then, she could gently pull Izzie toward her and lean in. She could hover in front of her lips to tease Iz, the two sharing the same, delicious air.

“I--”

“Please, don’t follow me.” Casey cuts off Iz with a firm response. She gulps--that was close. Her feet hurry toward the locker room, whisking her away as quickly as possible. She hated feeling like an overdramatic school girl or like she was in some terrible rom-com. Big deal. Just be friends, right? At the same time, though, she knew there was no other way.

[iamtrebleclefstories]

I’m Happy Right Here with You

Hi guys!! This story was born out of some prompts that were sent my through comments on my story Didn’t Think on AO3 as well as here on tumblr. So, be sure to check out my prompt list if you want some more stories :)

Great big thanks to @doc-pickles for being my beta!!

What is so special about this fic is that it is a birthday gift for Nat!! Happy Birthday Nat! I hope you enjoy this fun and rather long, jolex fic!

89 - “Oh God, please don’t tell me we had sex.” 

33 - “Put me down. You know I can walk, right?”

92 - “Don’t freak out, but I think I’m pregnant.”

Season 10 AU where Jo and Alex do not get together in 9x24, but she moves into the frat house with him and Cristina

“You know what you need? Some picture frames. And throw pillows. Ooh! And some comfy blankets that you put on the couch. Coasters too! We leave beers lying around everywhere and all of the new furniture are starting to get water rings on them.”

“You know, when I asked you to come to Target with me it wasn’t so you could criticize the house,” Alex rolled his eyes.

“I’m not criticizing the house,” Jo looked at Alex pointedly. “I’m just saying that we could really use some things to make the place more homey. It’s not like you don’t have the money for it, the rent check I give you every month is proof of that.”

“The house is homey,” Alex scoffed. 

“No it’s not. It’s like a frat house,” Jo laughed. 

“Exactly,” Alex grinned. “That’s all part of its charm.”

“Oh whatever,” Jo shook her head. “You just don’t want to admit that you’re too damn cheap to do anything about it. That and if the house looks barren and creepy, the women you hook up with are less likely to want to come back.”

“Woah... just hold on a minute there. The women always want to come back,” Alex smirked. “And it’s never because of the house.”

 “You disgust me,” Jo choked on the water she had been drinking. 

“That’s because you’ve never slept with me.”

“Yeah, and I’m never going to.”

“You say that now princess,” Alex teased. “But I promise you that if you did, you’d be coming back for more.”

“Shut up,” Jo slapped his shoulder playfully as they continued to browse around for items. 

Jo would be lying if she said she’d never thought about it. In the past year that she’d known Alex, she’d acquired a new best friend. At first, she tried to convince herself that she wasn’t attracted to him. He was an ass and a douche at times, but funny and sweet if you took the time to pay attention and get to know him. Eventually, the good things about Alex started to outweigh the bad and Jo found herself growing impossibly closer to this man. 

So when Jo started having feelings for Alex, it wasn’t something unexpected. There were so many moments that she had just wanted to grab his face and kiss him, but she had never wanted to mess it up. Alex was the most important person in her life. She never felt like she had anything to lose before she met him. So she kept her mouth shut and continued like nothing was different, even after Jason and the tree and the storm. 

Besides, it’s not like he reciprocated her feelings. Alex was all for hookups and one night stands, and had the emotional maturity of a sixteen year old. Relationships weren’t his thing, and Jo didn’t think she could handle being another notch on his belt, not when her feelings were involved. She didn’t want to make a fool out of herself, especially after seeing the types of girls Alex brought home. He had a type; they were all tall, skinny, blonde, with model-esque features. She on the other hand, was average height, brunette, and a little thicker than his usual parade of women. 

Unbeknownst to Jo, Alex had been thinking about how much he wished he had the balls that night in the NICU to tell her how he felt. Honestly he hated when she brought up his sexual escapades, it reminded him of how much he didn’t deserve her. Jo was special. He was in love with her. He’d even confessed it to Cristina months ago. But he was screwed up. He didn’t want her to end up like every other girl he’d ever been with—all messed up because they got involved with him. So he kept his mouth shut, hoping the feeling would go away. 

That all flew out the window when Jo moved into the house, her bedroom right next to his. Her presence and importance in his life was that much more tangible knowing that all that separated them was a wall. That knowledge led to him escorting a new girl up to his room every other week in hopes of distracting himself from the overwhelming desire to knock on her door.

Alex looked over at her and noticed she seemed to be deep in thought, “Earth to Jo. You okay there? You seem a little weird.”

“Huh,” Jo turned her head in his direction. “Yeah I’m fine. Just thinking about what I want for dinner tonight. I was thinking of ordering from that taco place down the street from the house. Do you want some?”

“I’d love some, but we can’t order tonight. It’s Mer’s 35th birthday and we’re having the party at the house remember? She thinks she’s just coming over to drink tequila with me and Cristina, but Shepherd planned the whole fiasco. He’s over there setting up and I was told to buy some stuff to make the house look a little nicer.”

“Crap that’s tonight?” Jo asked. “I don’t really have to go to that right? I mean—I don’t know how I feel about partying with my bosses.”

“Of course you have to go,” Alex furrowed his brows. “Do you know how weird it’s gonna look if you’re not there? You live there, they can’t kick you out of your own house. You’re going and you’re going to get drunk and sing karaoke and dance on the table in your underwear.”

“No way,” she protested. “I do not plan on getting drunk off my ass at a party with my bosses.”

“Why not?” Alex questioned. “We’re all gonna be drunk off our asses. No one will even remember. Besides, you get drunk off your ass with me all the time. And half the time Cristina is there to witness it.”

“That’s different,” Jo defended. “You are my best friend and I live with you. It’d be weird if you never saw me drunk off my ass. Well that, and I respect my other bosses. And Yang... well... Yang doesn’t scare me as much as Grey does. Plus half the time she’s not even home. More often than not she’s in the woods with the Chief doing it in his trailer.”

Alex snickered, “True. But did you just say you’re more scared of Meredith than Cristina?”

“You know we call her Medusa right?”

“Yeah it’s a good one,” Alex laughed. “You know they used to call me Evil Spawn.”

“Hate to break it to you, but they still do.”

“Shut up. At least I’m getting some on a relatively normal basis,” Alex glared at her playfully. “When was the last time you got laid? You’re super uptight.”

“I am not uptight!” she exclaimed. “And it has not been that long since I got laid. The last time I had sex was... shit.”

“What?”

“I can’t remember the last time I got laid. It’s been that long.”

Alex snorted, “Wow. Well, like I said, if you get really desperate... and I mean really desperate... I’m right next door if you ever need anything.”

“Go to hell,” Jo stuck her tongue out at Alex like a child. He laughed and told her to hurry up and go find what she wanted to buy for the house before he changed his mind. 

The rest of their Target trip was uneventful and they made their way back to the house to finish whatever Shepherd was planning. By the time 8pm rolled around, all the decorations were in place, the guests were in their hiding places, and the liquor was ready for consumption. When Meredith finally walked in, they all yelled surprise and the party got started. 

It was quite the party, too. It reminded Alex of the party that Izzie threw in this very house during their intern year. People underestimated doctors’ abilities to party and consume alcohol. And with Meredith being the guest of honor, there was no shortage of the hard stuff. He had to say, Derek really outdid himself with this party. He planned something that screamed crazy, dysfunctional Meredith Grey and it was quite refreshing. So refreshing, that even Jo decided to loosen up and have a few drinks, since she saw her superiors let loose. 

A few beers and way too many tequila shots in, they were both pretty wasted, as was the majority of the party.  People slowly began to leave and Alex took that as his cue to go upstairs.

Leaving the hosting duties to Cristina, Alex trudged up the stairs with a heavily inebriated Jo trailing behind him, giggling about something. They reached the top of the stairs and were about to go their separate ways when something shifted. It could’ve been the alcohol or just the pent up desire bubbling up under the surface, but one minute he was standing at the top of the steps and the next he was kissing Jo and pushing her into her bedroom.

*****

Jo woke up with a pounding headache. She hadn’t even opened her eyes yet, but she could tell she was going to have one hell of a hangover. She attempted to open her eyes only to close them again due to the stark brightness. She wasn’t exactly sure what time it was, but it was definitely late morning. As Jo laid there, she realized something. She wasn’t alone. There was an arm wrapped around her midsection. 

Alarm bells started going off in her head as she racked her brain for any memory of what happened last night. Just as she was going to open her eyes again to see who she had ended up in bed with, she heard an unmistakable groan. She knew that groan. She knew those arms. 

The hand that had been on her waist brushed her breast before freezing, “What the hell?” 

She took a deep breath and spoke, “Don’t freak out.”

The hand on her breast pulled back instantly, as if it had been burned. The man attached to it sat up quickly, “Oh God, please don’t tell me we had sex.” 

Jo lifted the blankets to look at her naked body that was now littered with love marks. She cringed, “We had sex.”

Jo looked up and finally locked eyes with none other than Alex Karev. He looked wrecked and Jo was sure that she probably did, too. They stared at each other with a mixture of disbelief and horror on their faces. 

“Ah shit,” Alex rubbed a hand over his face. “Jo, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jo shook her head. “It takes two to tango. Plus, I must’ve enjoyed it because you have a hickey on your neck.”

Alex placed his hand on the spot before finally turning to look at her, face turning up in a smirk, “So do you.”

They looked at each other, cheeks flushed before bursting out into laughter. “Ow, be quiet.” “No, you be quiet.”

“I can’t believe we had sex,” Jo remarked in disbelief. “And I don’t even remember most of it.”

“Me neither,” Alex admitted. They slipped into another fit of giggles, the leftover alcohol in their systems seemed to still be affecting them. By the time their mirth died down, the reality of what happened sunk in. It was ironic, just yesterday they had been talking about how they’d never sleep with each other. 

Jo moaned as she stretched to get out of bed. Alex furrowed his brows, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jo replied as she brought the blankets up to cover her chest. “Just a little sore.”

“Oh, God. Don’t tell me I hurt you,” a concerned look crossed Alex’s face. 

Jo chuckled awkwardly, “No you didn’t hurt me. It’s... it’s a good sore.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well... um... I’m gonna—um... I’m gonna go get ready,” Alex stuttered.

“Hmm... yeah me too,” Jo bit her lip and nodded as Alex stood up and searched for his pants. For the first time, she actually took a moment to look at him, watching as she saw as the muscles in his back and arms contracted as he pulled his pants over his legs and ass. 

Almost as if he could sense her stares, Alex turned around, “What?”

“Nothing,” she cleared her throat. “It’s just... um... you have scratch marks on your back.”

He titled his head to look at his back and sure enough, found a few red scratch marks. He began to laugh again, “Oh wow. That’s just... Sorry, I’m just gonna leave.” 

Just as he was going to walk out the door, Alex stopped at the threshold and looked at Jo, “Um, Jo... You might want to wear a turtleneck today.” 

*****

It had been a week since Jo and Alex had woken up together after their drunken night. In that week, the memories of what happened had returned. Knowing and remembering that night was so much worse than having no memory of it. 

For Jo, it was as though her body would forever be imprinted with the reminder of that night. Too often that week, she had found herself daydreaming about that night. She could almost feel Alex pressed against her. She could almost hear the moans he let out as he made her feel like the most precious thing in the world. She could almost taste his lips and feel the ghost of them against her own. Now she understood. She understood why women always got hung up on Alex Karev, because he was incredible. And not just in bed. He was incredible in every way and she wanted more. 

For Alex, remembering that night was torture. Every nerve in his body cried out for Jo. The very little self-control he had left was threatening to fall apart. Before it was easier. He didn’t know what it was like to have her; to be with her. Now that he had, it was taking everything within him to not knock on her door night after night. The mere thought of another woman no longer excited him, he was ruined. Jo had completely ruined him for anyone else. He wanted her and not just her body. He wanted all of her. He wanted everything with her.  

Which is why, for the entire week, he’d been avoiding her. He made sure she wasn’t on his service. He was careful to ensure they were on opposite schedules so that he didn’t have to see her at home. Opposite schedules also meant that he’d have less of a chance of slipping up and doing something stupid like telling her he was in love with her. Any time they just so happened to be in the same room, he’d avoid making eye contact and walk the other way. 

By some unfortunate miracle, that morning, all three of the frat house residents were on the same schedule. It was a rare occurrence for all three of them to be leaving the house at the same time. As he walked into the kitchen, Alex was careful not to brush against Jo while trying to get to the cereal in the pantry. He kept his eyes fixed on the box of cereal and remained silent as he readied his bowl. Jo’s eyes flicked up at him before burying her face in the piece of toast she was eating and decided against bringing up what would be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.

What the two of them hadn’t counted on was Cristina’s overly observant eyes watching the scene unfold before her. 

“You too are acting weird. Hairball is always chatty in the morning and Evil Spawn, you always come up with a way to be a pain in Wilson’s ass before 7am,” Cristina took another bite into her apple before speaking. “Did you guys fight? Is that what this is? Does someone have hurt feelings?”

“Everything’s fine,” Jo answered.

“It’s none of your business Cristina,” Alex snapped.

She stared at them for a while longer when she let out a gasp of disbelief, “Oh my God. You two had sex! That’s why you’re acting so weird lately! Finally! We’ve all been waiting for it and you guys just won me some money.”

The two of them stared at her like deer in headlights. Neither said anything, causing Cristina to laugh hysterically, “Oh God. You guys haven’t talked about it. You’ve been avoiding each other. Now tell me, was it horrible? Did someone cry? Did you have trouble... you know? Ooh! Does Wilson have a secret penis?”

“What? No!” both Jo and Alex exclaimed.

That when Cristina, finally understanding what happened, gasped, “You guys liked it! You loved it and you want more.” 

Jo’s face was red and hot, “Yang, please stop.”

“You know, I was having a bad morning but I knew you’d make me feel better,” Cristina snickered. “Well, I’m going to work. Have fun carpooling together.”

“Dr. Yang! Wait!” Jo called out. “I’m ready. I’m coming with you!”

As they hopped in the car, Cristina eyed Jo, “You know, you should just tell him.”

“Tell him what?” 

“That you’re in love with him,” Cristina stated. “It’d be easier then whatever the hell you’re doing. Just get it all out there. No fear, no shame. And who knows, maybe you’ll be surprised and find out he feels the same way.”

“He does not feel the same way,” Jo sighed. 

Cristina, who knew for a fact he did, scrunched her face in confusion, “How do you know for sure?”

“Because I’m not his type,” Jo pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “He’s got a type. Tall, skinny, blonde, perky, bubbly. I am none of those things. I’m average height, I actually have some meat on my bones, brunette, and I’m sarcastic, jaded, and all kinds of complicated.”

Cristina rolled her eyes, “The only reason Alex chooses the same type of girl to hook up with is because he knows that no one with substance would be up for what he’s looking for. You have a personality. Use it.”

Jo stared at her incredulously, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I am a nice person,” Cristina glanced at her before putting her eyes back on the road. “And I don’t think I can live with the two of you pining over each other. Just be with him already. Then I won’t have to feel the sexual tension while I’m trying to eat breakfast or watch a movie.” 

*****

A few more weeks passed, and although they weren’t back to how they were before the incident, Jo and Alex had decided to put that night behind them and try to be in the same room together again.  After about a month, Alex finally felt comfortable enough around her not to jump her bones and decided to request her on his service. He had an interesting case coming in today and was sure that she wouldn’t want to miss it. 

Alex walked up to the residents’ lounge and popped his head in, “Wilson! Let’s go. You’re on my service today.” 

Jo looked up at him with a surprised expression on her face, “Really?”

“Yup,” Alex nodded. “Let’s go. We got a super cool case today.”

She smiled widely and turned around to the other residents, “So long suckers.”

Stephanie rolled her eyes, “Oh please. You’re just excited you get to hang out with Karev today.”

“I think it’s unfair that she gets on a cool case just because he’s into her,” Leah pursed her lips.

“He’s not into me,” Jo said, pulling the scrub shirt over her head. She grabbed her lab coat and walked out to the hall where Alex was waiting. “Hey! So, what do we got?”

“Take a look for yourself,” he handed her the tablet.

She scrolled through the chart and read the kid’s information, “No way! He’s got Hirschsprung’s disease? There are like less that 200,000 cases of that per year around the world.”

“I know,” Alex grinned. “When I saw it I got excited and thought, why not share the excitement with my favorite resident?”

“You really shouldn’t pick favorites you know. People might start to suspect something is going on.”

“Oh please,” Alex scoffed. “Everyone’s got a favorite resident. Ross is Yang’s, Edwards has been working with Bailey a lot, Warren is tight with Webber, and I basically had to fight Torres for you. So, choosing favorites is normal. It means we see potential in you for our speciality. Which, by the way, since when do you love ortho so much? I thought you were considering peds.”

Jo smiled, “Well, I haven’t really been on your service for the past month so I had to find somewhere to shine. Torres says my aggressive tendencies are just what you need in ortho. It’s quite the rush. But, I must say, you might just turn me back onto peds if you keep putting me on cool cases like this one.”

“Haha, okay.”

They did their rounds and went to prep four year old Oliver Maxwell for his Hirschsprung’s bowel resection. As they walked into the room Alex shook hands with the parents and gave the kid a fist bump, “Hey Ollie, how are you feeling?”

“Eh,” Ollie shrugged. “I’m weady to feel betta. You can help me feel betta Dr. Awex?”

“I sure can, kiddo,” Alex grinned. “Dr. Wilson and I are going to go into your belly and take out all the bad stuff and make you feel so much better.”

“Good,” Ollie smiled.

Alex looked up to Ollie’s parents, “Okay. So, we are going to perform Ollie’s bowel resection in about an hour and a half. I’m going to send in an intern and a couple nurses in thirty minutes to make sure everything is ready for him to go up to the OR. We’re very hopeful that once the bowel resection is complete, he will no longer have any issues. However, since Hirschsprung’s is so rare, I would personally like to do a follow up every 3 months for the next year to see how he’s doing.” 

Mrs. Maxwell nodded, “Alright. And the surgery is a simple one right?”

“Yes, a bowel resection is a very routine procedure that we do everyday. However since he’s got Hirschsprung’s, the technique we use will be altered in order to fit his condition. But, if all goes well, he should be just fine.” Jo assured.

 “I’m sorry,” the woman apologized. “I’m just worried. You know how it is. To have your kid in the hospital. Do either of you have children?”

Alex shook his head, “No, neither of us have kids. But I do have a niece and nephew and a few months ago I had to give my niece, Zola, some stitches on her forehead. Her mom, who’s also a surgeon, was so worried and it wasn’t even anything serious. There are no rules when it comes to sick, hurt kids. If a surgeon is worried about their kid’s cut, it is completely normal for you to worry about your kid’s surgery.”

Jo smiled proudly. Alex had a long history of being great with kids, but not so much with the parents. It made her happy to see that he had developed himself and grown in the time she had been off his service. As they said goodbye to the parents, she gave him a cheeky look.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“Whatever... go eat a snack, take a power nap, use the bathroom and meet me in OR 2 in an hour,” he instructed.

Their surgery went extremely well. Ollie did fantastic in surgery and would make a wonderful recovery. They updated the parents and continued on with the rest of their cases. 

“Nothing like a bowel resection on a Hirschsprung’s kid to start out your day,” Jo sighed.

“Ahh you see, there it is,” Alex motioned at her. “There’s that peds glow. I may be able to steal you back from Torres after all.” 

“Shut up,” Jo shoved him playfully. “What’s next?”

 *****

Another two weeks passed and Jo and Alex were back to normal, teasing each other, hanging out, and working together. It was nice being on peds again, she got to spend time with cute little kids, watch and assist on awesome surgeries, and hang out with her best friend. Today, they had done 2 appendectomies, 1 bowel resection, removed a neuroblastoma, and assisted on a peds trauma that came in. She hadn’t been feeling all that well today, and it could be the fact that she was around sick, germ-infested children all day. Her head was hurting and it was progressively getting worse as the day went on. To top it all off, her stomach had started hurting about an hour ago, but she pushed through the last couple hours of her shift.

As she got in the car later that evening, Jo was sure she was going to throw up. She must’ve looked green, because Alex looked at her from his spot in the driver’s seat, “Dude are you okay?”

“I think I’m gonna hurl,” she pressed a hand up to her mouth. 

Alex searched around the back seat and produced a trash bag and handed it to her, “Here. If you’re gonna vomit, aim for the bag.”

She glared at him, “Why do you even have trash bags in your car?”

“I like to be prepared,” he replied. “And I don’t like a messy car.”

Jo closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths to distract her from the moving vehicle, in hopes of making it home. She must’ve dozed off, because the next thing she remembered is being lifted out of the car, and into the house. She opened her eyes and saw Alex cradling her closely, “Put me down.”

“Huh?”

“Put me down,” she mumbled. “You know I can walk right?” 

“I don’t mind,” one side of Alex’s mouth turned up in a small, sweet half smile. “Just relax.”

Jo closed her eyes again, she could tell that this time, she would fall asleep for real. Something about those arms made her feel so safe and warm. It was the closest they had been since the night they spent together and she couldn’t help but lean into him. Eventually, he reached top of the stairs and laid her down in her bed, pulling the covers up around her. Thinking she was asleep, he leant down and pressed a small kiss on her forehead, “Goodnight Jo. I hope you feel better.”

“Alex,” she called out. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

*****

The next morning Alex was awoken by the sound of his bedroom door being slammed open. Startling out of sleep he looked to see who was at the door, “Jesus! Cristina. What the hell? It’s early.”

“Sorry Evil Spawn,” Cristina walked in and made her way into the bathroom. “But Hairball is all over my bathroom puking her guts out and I need to get to work. I’ve got a very important surgery scheduled and I need to prepare.”

“How long has she been throwing up?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know. The past hour, maybe?” she shrugged. “Did you guys drink too much last night?”

“No,” he shook his head. “She was feeling sick at work yesterday and almost threw up in my car on our way home. By the time we got here, she had fallen asleep and I had to carry her up to bed.”

“Well she’s definitely sick,” Cristina surmised. “Don’t know what it is, but I do know that I cannot catch whatever she has because I have very important patients that need me to save their lives.”

“I’ve got the day off. I’m gonna go check on her,” he got out of the bed and put on a pair of sweatpants before walking through the hallway to the bathroom. He stopped outside the door and knocked, “Jo you okay?”

She groaned, “No.”

Alex pushed the door open and found Jo sitting on the floor with her head against the wall, “You know I’ve got to say... this isn’t your best look.”

She glared at him, “Shut up. I feel like crap.”

“You look like crap,” he crouched down to the ground and wrapped an arm around her. “Hey. Look at me. You want me to tell Hunt that you’re not going to work today?”

She nodded, “Yes please.”

“Okay. I’m going to call him right now.”

She hummed in response and crawled over to the bathroom cabinet where she kept the medicine. As she was searching through the cabinet, her eyes fell on a box of tampons. In that instant, Jo could’ve sworn that her heart stopped. She picked it up and traced her brain, trying to remember the last time she had used one. It had been at least two months. How the hell did she not notice? 

“Hey I called Hunt,” Alex came in, startling her. “You okay? Oh... do you need me to go buy you some more tampons?” 

Jo shook her head, “No. No... I don’t need them.”

Alex looked at her strangely, “Okay...”

She took a steadying breath, “I’m gonna say something, but you have to promise me you’ll stay calm.”

Alex sat down on the floor next to her and cradled her face in his hands, “Jo, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong.” 

She looked at him nervously, “Don’t freak out, but I think I’m pregnant. I haven’t had a period since... before we...”

Jo wished someone would’ve been there to see the exchange, because the look that crossed Alex’s face was one that she would’ve wanted on film. He was doing his best not to freak out, but his eyes were wide as saucers and his jaw dropped. He took a deep breath and closed his mouth before nodding at her, “Okay... okay. That’s fine. It’s gonna be alright. We’ll go get the test right now. How about you get in the shower and I’ll go to the store.” 

“Okay,” Jo agreed. 

The drive to the drugstore was a heavy one. Alex was doing his best to keep it together, he couldn’t freak out. Not when Jo might be pregnant with his baby after one drunken night together. When he finally made it into the parking lot, he stopped and banged his head on the steering wheel. 

He’d done it again. This is exactly why Alex didn’t want to pursue things with Jo, because every girl he got involved with came out of it worse than before. He thought they’d be okay. He thought that they could get past this and he’d eventually long for her a little less every day that passed. But instead, he might’ve just knocked up his best friend. He might’ve just screwed up the life of the woman he was desperately in love with. 

He put her in an impossible position. She could choose to have an abortion, a choice that was difficult to make and go through with for any woman. Not to mention such a decision would put a strain on their friendship because they would always think about what could’ve been. There was adoption, but Alex didn’t think he’d be able to live knowing he had a kid out there and Jo had such horrible experiences in the foster care system that she would never be able to do that to her own kid. 

That meant the other option was keeping the baby. How would that work? Would they be together? Would they co-parent? Would that be the best option for either of them? Jo was only a second year resident. Having a baby right now could affect her career. It could affect any decisions she made in the future about her life. 

Taking a deep breath, Alex finally got out of the car and walked into the store, buying five pregnancy tests. Each one was a different brand, in hopes of getting the most accurate results. He took the boxes up to the register and locked eyes with a woman who seemed to be in her mid-60’s in line, in front of him. She looked down at his basket and smiled, “I don’t know what answer you’re hoping for, but good luck.” 

He huffed a laugh, “Thanks.”

Back home, Jo was having a mini-meltdown. Jo was almost positive she was pregnant. She had all the same symptoms as the last time. That’s right. This wasn’t Jo’s first pregnancy. While Jo had been married to Paul, she got pregnant. Days after discovering her pregnancy, he beat her half to death. She knew then, that she could not have that baby. She couldn’t allow her child to come into a home full of abuse. She couldn’t allow for her child to be scared of their father. She couldn’t allow for herself to be tied to Paul forever. Because she knew that’s what would happen. If she ever tried to leave, if she ever tried to divorce him, they would fight over the kid. And there was no way she could fight his lawyers for custody. Her child would lose in every scenario. 

So, she made the hardest decision she’d ever had to make in her life. Jo had an abortion and sobbed throughout the experience. She wasn’t ashamed of it. She didn’t regret it. But she promised herself that she’d never have to go through it again. She’d be more careful. She’d have a kid when she was ready, with a man who loved her and treated her with nothing but respect. She couldn’t go through an abortion again. The last time almost broke her, but it was the catalyst she’d needed to get herself out of that situation.

Jo knew she would keep this baby. There was no question that she’d be this baby’s mom. Everything else was up in the air. How would she fit a baby into her life? She was a second year surgical resident with a crazy schedule. She wanted to be a good mom, a present mom. But that would require her taking a step back in her career. Where would she and the baby live? Could they stay in Alex’s house? Would Alex even want to be in the baby’s life? Would he kick her out? Or would he co-parent with her? Did he want to be tied to her for the rest of his life? 

All of those questions and fears had to be put on pause when she heard the front door open. From her spot on the couch, she saw Alex enter with a plastic bag in his hand. Holding it up, he gave her a small smile, “I bought five... all different brands and stuff.”

Jo reached out for the bag and took it with her into the bathroom. Despite this situation being almost as complicated as the last time she peed over a stick, the one emotion she realized wasn’t present was fear. Last time she had been terrified. This time she was nervous, sure, but she wasn’t afraid. It was Alex, and whether he decided to be this baby’s dad or not, he’d never hurt her over this. 

She washed her hands and stepped out of the bathroom, setting a timer on her phone, “I took them all. Boxes said to wait about three minutes.” 

Those three minutes were some of the longest minutes of her life. Her and Alex stared at each other silently, waiting for the timer to go off. When it finally did, Jo felt a wave of nausea come over her. She looked over at Alex who grabbed her hand and squeezed it, leading her back to the bathroom for the moment of truth. 

Unsurprisingly, every single test came out positive. Jo couldn’t tell if it was the stress or the pregnancy itself, but soon, she was crouched above the toilet vomiting again. She felt a hand on her back rubbing circles as another one pulled her hair back. When she was finished, she rinsed her mouth and brushed her teeth before flopping onto the floor. She groaned, “Alex I’m fine. Just go. You don’t have to do this. I can do this on my own. Take the out. I’m giving you an out, take it. You can be fun Uncle Alex, no responsibilities.” 

“No,” Alex said firmly, bringing her close. “I’m not taking the out Jo. I’m not leaving you alone in this. Above everything, you are my best friend and we’re gonna have a baby together. So, I’m gonna be here and I’m gonna be a great dad and you’re gonna be a great mom and we’re going to do this together.” 

She rested her head on his shoulder, “Are you sure? You live your life a certain way and I don’t want to get in the way of that. A kid is really gonna put a damper on your sex life. And I know you didn’t mean for us to even have sex anyway. I’m not exactly your type and I don’t know if I could handle knowing that you didn’t want me for the rest of my life.”

Alex looked at Jo as if she’d grown three heads, “Are you kidding? Jo, what we did, wasn’t an accident. We both wanted it. We’ve wanted it for so long, but we were too scared and needed some liquid courage. Ever since that night, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I can’t even talk to a chick without every cell in my body protesting because it’s not you. Because it’s always been you, Jo. I love you. So, I’m staying right where I am, because I’m happy right here with you.”

Her face broke out into the brightest smile he’d ever seen. She leaned in and kissed him, “I love you too. I have for a long time, now.” 

“Holy shit,” Alex exclaimed. “We’re having a baby.”

“Oh my God. Yeah. We’re having a baby,” Jo laughed. “Me and you. Together. Having a baby.”

They both cackled loudly until the point of tears. It was hilarious to think that two months ago, they would’ve never even dreamed of a moment like this. As their laughter died down, Alex gasped, “Crap.”

“What?”

“We’ve gotta tell people,” he shared. “Not right now, but eventually we gotta tell people.”

“Shit,” Jo responded. “Oh God! We’ve got to tell Yang. She’s never going to let us live it down.”

Alex’s eyes widened, “Dammit. I forgot about Cristina. Be prepared to get custom made onesies that say Evil Spawn’s Spawn on them.” 

“Our kid is going to be so spoiled,” Jo grinned. “They’re going to have everything we didn’t as kids.”

He placed his hand on her still flat belly, “Yeah they are.”

[tuffduff]

Dead Batteries (Izzy Stradlin x Reader)

Paring: Izzy x Reader

Words: 1,517

Request: @tonightiggypop “Hi! Could you write an Izzy Stradlin imagine where he meets you after becoming sober?”

A/N: So...I wrote all of this only to realize you had said “meet” (oops) so this is slightly different, but I hope you like it anyways! I know the least about Izzy out of the original five, so I also hope he comes across right. Thanks for requesting beautiful!

You had been Izzy’s companion for years. Maybe companion wasn’t the best word; companions got the luxury of being side by side with someone, right? But that wasn’t always the case.

Growing up in Lafayette, Indiana, there wasn’t exactly a lot to do. You were there before Axl came into the picture. And even when Izzy started spending more and more time with the unpredictable firecracker redhead, he would come back to you. He needed to, he would say when he turned up at your bedroom window late at night and you had to sneak him in so your parents wouldn’t hear. “I need to recharge my batteries.” He would explain after spending days on end with Axl.

“Then why did you come to me?” You would ask. Surely, recharging batteries was a solo kind of thing. He would merely shake his head.

“You’re the only person who really gets me.”

He talked about moving away all the time, to LA was what he reckoned. By the time you both graduated, you were heartbroken; you always knew he was going to do it. It was bittersweet. It was time.

“I wish I could pack you up and take you with me in my suitcase,” he would joke. You would never forget the day he left. There was a long moment of silence between the two of you, along with long looks that always led to you both looking away, only to look back helplessly. It was as if you both wanted to say something, but that something might have changed his plans, and you weren’t about to let that happen. So, you put your own feelings on the back burner and kissed his cheek and hugged him tightly, allowing yourself a tear or two to fall when he couldn’t see, making sure they were gone when you pulled away to look at him one last time.

“Make me proud,” you whispered. He nodded solemnly, still unable to share anything he had inside of him.

Did you love Izzy? Probably. You would actually be lying if you said anything otherwise, it was almost like you didn’t have a choice. He seemed to be a fixture in your life, like furniture that had always been there. “How’s Izzy doing?” Was what your parents would ask you second to how you were doing. You knew in your heart you loved him; it was a truth weaved into the fabric of your very being.

You were still in Lafayette when Guns N’ Roses made it big. Of course, Izzy had kept you updated on every band he played with up until that point, the gigs that had been shitty, the ones that made him feel like he was actually doing the right thing. The low points, the moment of doubt, asking your opinion on lyrics he had written, playing you “Happy Birthday” over the phone on his guitar when he couldn’t be there. You cherished those phone calls, but over time, something changed. He sounded different, after all, you would know. Izzy didn’t sound like your Izzy anymore.

Soon the calls stopped coming altogether. You watched from afar as Guns N’ Roses really made it big. You were absolutely shattered. It was more bitter than sweet now; yes, he had made it. Yes, you were proud. But making it also apparently meant leaving you behind. With fame and fortune and success, you were a part of his life he seemingly no longer needed, or wanted. Forgotten. Or so you thought.

It was raining one night, a downpour so violent you couldn’t really relax in your lone apartment. You almost thought you imagined the knocking on your door. You almost thought you were going crazy entirely when you finally opened it to see Izzy, soaked to the bone and looking as though it were hard for him to breathe.

“Izzy?” You managed to get his name out of your mouth. “What are you doing here?” Any other person would’ve pushed their way inside to take shelter from the rain, but as he stared at you, it was like he didn’t feel it. His eyes softened, and you could see them glistening despite the rain. Finally, he stepped inside silently, dripping water onto your floor, and pulled you tightly against him, effectively soaking you too. You let him.

“You look exactly the same,” he whispered into the crook of your neck. His voice was breathless, and thick with relief. His embrace was tight, keeping you bound to him, refusing to let go.

“What are you doing, Izzy...” You asked, holding him back. The moment felt surreal. He was a big rockstar now, he shouldn’t be standing in your apartment.

“I got your address from your parents.” You pulled back finally to give him a bewildered look. He sighed, shrugging and avoiding your gaze. “I’m here because...I’ve got a lot of explaining to do. And my batteries have been dead for a long time.”

He didn’t want to get your furniture wet, so the two of you sat together on the floor of your apartment as he explained how he got mixed up in heroin. How exhilarating it was to have a taste of success, but how he knew in the back of his head he needed to cut the shit. How he felt like he couldn’t. How he was too ashamed to call. How it got worse and worse.

“I thought you got too famous for me,” you admitted, now being the one to avoid his gaze. After a long moment of silence, Izzy grabbed your hand.

“You have no idea how much I missed you this entire time, Y/N. I wanted to call, I just couldn’t. Axl would try to get me to call, to fly you in to see us play, but I just felt so...ashamed. I didn’t feel good enough for you to see me. I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

He explained he was sober. That he came back home, for good.

“I needed to get away from LA. And this is the only place that has you in it.” He smiled a little as he looked down, playing absently with the bands around his wrist. “I’ve got a lot of good memories here.”

Maybe there was something about having him back physically in front of you, maybe it was the vulnerable spilling of emotions, the way it felt like the two of you were teenagers sitting in your room again, but you finally grew the courage to suck in a breathe and spit out the only thing you had been thinking for the last few years.

“I should’ve gone with you.” He looked surprised. You wondered for a second if he didn’t feel the same until he squeezed your hand that he was still holding.

“I had the same thought every day. But really, I shouldn’t have left without telling you how I really felt.” The pounding rain had softened outside the four walls of your apartment, allowing you to really focus on his light words, on the weight they carried. “Y/N, I’ve been in love with you since we were 12, I’m pretty sure. And there were times I thought maybe you felt the same, or at least hoped. Like the time you made me come with you to the junior high ball and we slow-danced, but never talked about it again. You wouldn’t believe how many songs I’ve written that were inspired all by you. And leaving you behind that day was the hardest thing I had to do.” Overwhelmed, you grabbed the other hand you weren’t already holding.

“But you did make me proud,” you reasoned. He chuckled, shaking his head.

“It never felt like it to me. But I’ve decided that’s up to you—you’ve always believed in me anyways. I don’t care who I make proud anymore. I’m happy with what I’ve accomplished, but I want to move forward. I don’t want to make you proud, Y/N, I want to make you happy. And I want you.” All prior feelings of hurt completely evaporated. It was as if the old and rusty lock to the gate of your heart’s emotions had been cut loose, freeing you to feel only unwavering love, empowering love—love that made you feel like you were soaring.

“I wanted to tell you too, before you left. God, I wanted to stop you but I didn’t want to keep you from your dreams. I love you, Izzy, I always have.” He pulled you towards him by your interlaced hands into a kiss, your first kiss together, making up for lost time with years of passion, longing, and love fueling it. He pulled back finally, taking one of his hands to smooth down your hair.

“Screw dreams, once you’ve lived them you realize what matters in life is something real. My heads never been more clear than now. No matter where life takes me next, I know I want you with me. I love you.” It was an apology, an affirmation, and a promise all in one, and better than any song to your ears.