#TIKI IS FUCKING PISSED

[nitewrighter]

You don't need to answer if you don't feel like it, but do you have any random head cannons about Genji, mercy or any of the other OverWatch cast? (Like absurd meaningless things but still a part of their character, I personally just think those are some of the funniest/interesting headcannons sometimes)

I mean a lot of the time, certain things just kind of pop up organically in the process of writing fic. I'm not really in the habit of trying to tack things on to characters to make them more interesting, so much as extrapolating from canon to highlight what is interesting about them and how they contrast against the rest of that cast. So with that in mind...

>Mercy is fucking awful at a lot video games. I swear to god this isn't a 'healer mains can't aim' joke, it's really just like, as a surgeon, her brain has a very specific sense of reaction time and she really didn't play a lot of video games growing up. She's very good at puzzle games and brain teasers so long as there isn't too much sensory overload, but watching her attempt to play a platformer is painful.

>Genji tried to go into modeling work back in his playboy days and spent a stupid amount of money on professional shoots and headshots to create a portfolio before Hanzo had to tell him, "you are a fucking ninja, do you have any idea how stupid it is to have your face plastered on billboards?" It's not clear whether it was something Genji really deeply and genuinely wanted to do, something he saw as a possible means of leaving the clan while maintaining his lifestyle, or if he just liked doing it because it pissed Hanzo and the clan off, probably some combination of all three. But all of his slutty modeling pics are floating around the holo-net.... somewhere.

>As Hanzo gets more and more into whittling, his carvings kind of become his own weird little love language. He's still struggling a lot with vulnerability and like actively coming to terms with being around people and trusting them, but sometimes he'll be talking to someone very normally, very calmly and collectedly and with his usual seriousness and reserve, and then he'll leave and then there's just... a little thumb-sized wooden dog on their desk that wasn't there before. And like they didn't even notice when he put it down. And they're like, "Do other people get different animals? Is it a good thing that I have the dog? Who else has an animal?"

>Baptiste's one silly little collecting hobby he allows himself is corny novelty drink cups from different places he's traveled to. It's a little bit of Mauga's touristy quirks rubbing off on him, but he has a bunch of tiki cups, fake coconuts, quirky pint and shot glasses, and LED 'ice cubes' in multiple colors. He has a pachimari-shaped big gulp from the Pachimari theme park that Roadhog will--without hesitation--kill him to obtain. When Bap joins overwatch the staff mess hall becomes full of them, and like you know it's one of those things where actually yeah, they needed cups and it's not like anyone else really thought to bring them, but everyone is sitting in the mess hall quietly like, "Who the fuck brought a 'Party Naked in Key West' cup to the vigilante base?"

[milfgyuu]

Hey doll! I saw you tagged for more asks like the Seventeen working at Walmart (which I LOVED btw!) and I've come to deliver! I'm at a Casino hotel overnight with The Bestie™️ and we're down at the pool! So...how about SVT working at a public pool??? 😅😅😅

bc there are so many mf's in this group i hope you don't mind me expanding a little into a hotel/water park resort.

choi seungcheol life guard i have no other reasoning behind this other than i want to see him in the cute red swim trunks ok. drowning myself in the deep end so he can give me the kiss of life. he's probably working the wave pool and like actually has to rescue people every time the big wave hits.

jeonghan is the barrtenderrrr *t-pain voice* and he has to wear that cute little formal fancy bartender fit (u know the one) and he is a prof mixologist like he's making you shit that is not even on the menu and it is amazing.

joshua works at the tiki bar in the water park so he's whipping up daiquiris and other frozen delights all day long and gets to enjoy the sunshine. humor me and picture that pretty golden glow and long sandy blonde hair okay i have a specific vision.

junhui is also a lifeguard but specifically for one of the big water slides - it's so shallow that he usually sits there are just watches all day making sure everyone is safe but witnesses hella ass crack when people try to exit the slide. so he's kind of just a glorified water monitor and buttcrack patrol.

hoshi delivers room service and knows all the hot gossip because holy shit he just left room 212 and the married guy who was just here last week was in there with a completely different woman today. besties with the entire housekeeping staff.

wonwoo is also a lifeguard (shhh there is a lot of water ok) but specifically for the lazy river so he just wades around all-day from one shady spot to the next making sure kids aren't blocking up tube-traffic. He does think it's really fun to walk against the current and considers it his workout for the day.

woozi is singing in the resort lounge like zack and cody's mom but he is getting hella hoes. tip jar on the piano is full of room #'s and key cards. he's like ahaha i'm flattered but no thanks but has given in once or twice after a little convincing from jeonghan.

minghao concierge bro he can get you into ANYWHERE because he doesn't take no for an answer. exclusive restaurant with a waitlist a mile long? reservations at 8pm with a complimentary bottle of wine, baby.

mingyu is so a cabana boy. he's got warm towels, he's got drinks, he's got a shrimp cocktail to deliver, and he's got a creepy cougar to escape from bc she won't stop making passes at him and now he's hiding in the laundry room which leaves...

boo seungkwan, the other cabana boy who is always annoyed and cursing under his breath but can turn his customer service face and voice on and off like a switch. will drag mingyu out of hiding by his hair when he notices it getting too busy.

vernon works at the resort guest check-in and has his speech so automated in his head that if someone interrupts him he loses all train of thought and has to start over. calls the bell boy just for funsies when he is bored which really pisses...

chan the bellboy off because he just ran his ass all the way across the resort thinking he was actually needed but it's just vernon fucking around with an empty lobby. fills those carts to the brim like Tetris and refuses to ask for help bc his pride says he can move all 800lbs of luggage himself.

seokmin i’m so sorry i forgot u baby it’s bc he is so busy working that resort valet parking the NIOCE cars. running around in his lil polo looking all fine and handsome like tip the man bc he uses it on his expensive cologne you can still smell when you get in ur car.

[ecoamerica]

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[tobiasdrake]

I'm a terrible human being but at least we're making our way through the island.

You know, I wasn't sure about Windmill Shuriken but it's growing on me.

It's a killer traversal tool as well as a potent weapon in its own right.

Getting a definite Boss Room Ahead vibe from this setup. Tiki Shopkeeper, you have anything to say about what I'm about to face?

Nothing?

Huh. Maybe I misread the--

Okay, fuck you too, I guess! I can't believe this! I rely on her to give me useful information about bosses! What a fucking prick.

Maybe she just. Like. Doesn't do that in this timeline or something. Or she's mad. Can't imagine what I could have said to piss off Tiki Shopkeeper that badly, though.

Whatever. I slew the Dweller of Strife singlehandedly; At least, that's how I'm choosing to remember it. I can manage this!

These barely even count as attacks. Honestly, it's like you want to face the wrath of my ultimate technique:

Your harmless little tiki heads are NO MATCH for an endless barrage of twirly-doos! I am the twirly-doo champion, and I'm going to do pirouettes on your face until you're nothing but a pile of kindling! What do you say about THAT, huh!?

....

....

....

(;° ロ°)

OH FUCK ME

Okay. So. In my haste for triumph and glory, I. Uh. May. Have. Misconstrued your ritualistic totem levitations as... something that they was not.

I am a big enough man to admit when a misunderstanding has taken place and a tragic mistake has been committed. You're right. It's pretty clear where the fault for this lies.

Tiki Shopkeeper. It's Tiki Shopkeeper's fault. She... She, uh.... She said....

...nothing. She said absolutely nothing about an upcoming Boss Fight. Because no Boss Fight was upcoming.

...I... assaulted and batteried you, and destroyed your personal property... for absolutely no reason at all.

...

Hold up, what was that about a volcano erupting?

Barrel Thyme, that's what that smell was! Thanks, pal. So the plan is to fuck him up again, save the Phobekins, and then enjoy a pleasant vacation on whatever mysterious island this place is.

Glad there's no hard feelings, pal. I'd hate for a small misunderstanding like this to get in the way of us becoming the best of pals!

I'm so glad they're taking it well. I like to think that I'm a pretty great guy once you get to know me. Like an acquired taste! And I wouldn't want them to miss out on the opportunity.

Anyways... apparently this island has a volcano. We should take a look at the map and make sure we have a good idea of where we're going.

Alright. Voodkin Island's not as big as I thought it'd be. So if Bartleby's plan is to jump me at the ritual then he should be right around the rim of the....

...of the....

Hold up.

Is this Kiln Mountain!? This super looks like the volcano where the great continental bread loaf was baked.

That's not what he called it. The hint is in its utility: That it's a kiln. But I'm still convinced that this is the same mountain.

...so does your shop exist in a parallel reality Tower of Time, or is there only one Tower of Time and we're just in a different room next door to Arcane Shopkeeper's room?

Because I could believe either.

[randomnameless]

I might have missed it, but is there anything in that timeline book or the game that frames Duma destroying Thabes as bad? "He destroyed it because he feared humans in Thabes were growing too powerful" seems like a pretty neutral and vague statement to me, being just as easy to interpret positively as it could be negatively.

Iirc Naga was so pissed at him for doing this that she kicked him out (and lost some tooth in the process)

Duma's resentment at having been exiled is the reason why he built the tower, and it's also the reason why he started to value strength.

Naga seems to have a pretty hands off approach regarding humans (in Jugdral she gives weapons to humans but asks dragons to not interfere ? And Forseti doesn't listen ?) which has its merits, no midget can accuse her of controlling the world in the shadows if she doesn't participate in human affairs she only does so when other dragons are involved and when Humans cannot win, but also its defaults, dragons exist in the world, if they cannot interfere with humans, are they still living or bound to live in isolation (Tiki ?), only to pop up when humans fuck up too much ?

In Jugdral, without Forseti's intervention, Julia most likely would have died when Deedee warped her "somewhere" and the continent would have been a second Loptyr Empire.

And yet, Valentia and Fodlan taught us what happens to dragons who live and help periodically humans : they're used as scapegoats for everything.

Back to Duma, the supplementary materials are busy retconning Rudy to make him the chadest Emperor who ever Emporered and refuse to commit on Grima being the reason why Duma attacked Thabes... Even if they remind us he's called the Kingshield !

[emblemxeno]

Thoughts on Emblem Paralogues #1

Doing this again with the base game paralogues cuz as a longtime FE fan it’s cool to see how a celebration game shows its love. I’m not really doing them in the order they unlocked, so this is mostly a random assortment. 

For starters I like how for the most part, the throwback maps have pretty much the exact same enemy composition. Very wonderful and nostalgic.

Lucina, The Exalt: This one’s good. It makes for a good start to the overall reference paralogues, cuz of it’s simplicity. Wish I had more to say, but it really is that cut and dry lol. I guess I wish there was more reference to the fact that Lucina traveled back in time to prevent the bad future, but I guess that’s what bond conversations are for.

Lyn, The Lady of the Plains: I had lots of fun with this one haha, though I guess it’s cuz I was a tad overleveled when I did it. I heard the OG map in FE6 was very hated, or at least the Sacae route was disliked a lot in comparison to the Ilia one. I read that the original version had fake-out thrones that spawned reinforcements, so I would think that’d piss first time players off. The one thing that I’m kind of iffy on though is just the decision of using this map for Lyn. I know FE7 doesn’t have notable Sacae maps to choose from (I think the first 3 chapters of Lyn’s mode are the only ones, which would suck as throwbacks lol), and that her association with Mulagir thanks to FEH means it’s appropriate to choose this map in particular, but I think chapter 10 or 15 from FE7 could’ve served as good rep maps for her. It’d let her discuss her mixed heritage and connection to Eliwood and Hector, I feel. Oh well, not too fussed about it, since I do love when Lyn talks about Sacae.

Ike, The Radiant Hero: This one’s great. Ike destroying the entire castle was fucking hilarious, and I think it’s a perfect choice for his paralogue given it’s when he first took leadership of the Greil Mercs and had to establish himself as a fighter and protector who can hold out against terrible odds. Though a complaint on that front is that I wish there was some kind of defense-like objective, even though like I said, Ike one shotting a whole castle is funny. Shout-out to the mage in the same place as Ilyana and drops Elthunder, neat reference.

Byleth, The Instructor: Very much liked this one, aside from one aspect: healers with warp aspects (lol plot teleporting in 3H). Byleth’s dancing I can handle, but damn my OCD ridden brain hated beating the map without protecting all the crystals. Though I think I got the best reward anyway, it’s very lenient. Liked the House Leader stand-ins, but surprise surprise, there’s nobody representing Rhea, Seteth, or Flayn despite this being the tomb of their brethren :/ It’s also again indicative of how averse the devs are of associating Byleth with anything beyond being a teacher, cuz one could argue that chapter 10 could’ve been a better choice and still had the “power depends on the heart of its wielder” aesop cuz it dealt with Jeralt’s death and Byleth being granted Sothis’ power in the first place. But whatever, details, details.

Sigurd, The Holy Knight: My favorite of the ones I’ve done so far. I think it’s a great way to represent Sigurd through a Gen 2 map and it gave a fair challenge. The Arvis stand-in with Meteor is hilarious. I really, really regret not getting the goddess icon from the tile that references Seliph’s talk with ghost Sigurd and Deirdre, that little easter egg is so fucking cute 😭 Sigurd’s talk about revenge and there being more than one truth shows just how great of a character he is (and his significance in Engage kind of points to more evidence that FE4 is probs getting remade soon). But the coolest part of the map are the Julius and Ishtar stand-ins. It took all of my brain power to take them out without anyone dying, but I did it! Using the Tiki bracelet came in clutch, cuz even if an attack like Ice Breath misses, it still damages adjacent enemies for the calculated damage. Widdling away at Julius was very satisfying.

I’ll do the rest of the paralogues some time, trust lol.

[top-the-cat]

Picked up a couple of new records in a reclamation yard the other day, whilst picking up bits for my tiki bar.. and to be honest, it was all a bit hit and miss!

Start with two misses:

I'm quite partial to a bit of Carlos Santana occasionally. Some of the more spiritual jazz licks he plays can be quite funky. I mean, this was dog shit though. Whiney, watered down, 80's pop ballad dog shit too. The opening break on the second B-side track starts off OK, with lots of bongos rhythms, and i'm thinking "yeah, this is going somewhere. This is going to be one of those hidden gems that i go digging for" but that also soon descends in to the same plastic bag of dog shit hanging from a tree on a hot summer day.

Well All Right by Santana (Souvenir Limited 12" Edition)

So i know Bob James from tracks like Nautilus and generally getting sampled a lot, so figured i would give this a go. Plus it had a few names on the back that i vaguely recognised as half-known decent session players. But it was that bad, that i have pretty much just blocked it out. I remember it being all a bit soft-pop synth shit, and like the wrong side of bad lounge jazz. Which done well, is right up my alley. But yeah, this is was lounge jazz played in a Travel Lodge outside the the arse end of a grotty housing estate, next to a motorway junction and not close enough to the airport to actually get any passing customers. Yeah, i'm alright ta.

H by Bob James

Now were talking! Lairy as fuck, Tina Turner with the full orchestrated Phil Spector Wall of Sound, and Ike sitting in the background drinking whiskey, sniffing coke, and getting pissed off to fuck!

I remember watching that scene in the Tina Turner movie with Angela Bassett and watching Ike screwing and pacing up and down because he wasn't allowed to get involved. And as much as i respect Ike's sound on the other Ike & Tina records i've got, he was a wife beating prick, so fuck him and he couldn't have made this album. Only Phil Spector, in his prime, could have made this record. (To be fair, i'm sure he turned out to be a piece of shit too, didn't he?)

But yeah, this is all orchestral pomp, big 70's soulful sounds, and Tina's voice blowing hard through it. Its a fucking masterpiece! Love it!

River Deep - Mountain High by Ike & Tina Turner

[ecoamerica]

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[raxistaicho]

Are we not Engaged... in bizarro world? Second part.

DLC story spoilers under the cut.

-’Kay so we just fought Elusia and also for some reason Solm.

-Ivy thinks Nel should be on their side. Mauvier fucked up the ritual, nicely done, Alt Mauvier!

-Neither Ivy nor Timerra want to give up the bracelets.

-Nel goes fucking dragon mode and wastes Ivy and Timerra, lol.

-Nel refuses to really explain why she went to such extremes. Alear offers little pushback.

-Only Edelgard is left.

-Oh nvm, Alear’s pissed.

-Nel finally explains that they’re Corrupted. Seems everyone we’ve fought were all Corrupted. Jeez, is there anyone left?

-Yeah, seems like there’s no humans left on Alt Elyos aside from the Four Winds. Well that’s bleak, lol. Nel didn’t tell the Winds or Nil because then she thinks Alear would also learn because Alear reminds her of Alt Alear and she wants to protect her. What? She should’ve known for years.

-Alear gushes about how much Nel takes care of everyone, but this upsets her because of her memories of Alt Alear.

-Oh god, Alt Alear pinky promised Nel that he’d return from battle, lol.

-Anyways she’s been distant from Alear because the memories cause her pain.

-Nel dropped the bracelets, Nil picked them up. He’s being suspicious. Oh yeah he’s gonna try to kill Alear, lol.

-Nil woke up Tiki, seems he can do that.

-So he was faking being useless, lol. Sombron encouraged him to pretend to be weak to outwit his other siblings. Alt Sombron seems to like gaslighting more than ruling by fear.

-Nel’s sulking under a tree. The Winds just chat a lot. A lot. They’re trying to figure out how to make it up to Nel.

-Nel’s come around. She wants to apologize for her past rudeness.

-Nil said he was going to kill Alear but it seems like he just kidnapped her instead. lol. Nil’s putting on his BS “oh uwu me I’m a soft boy woe is me Alear ran off alone” act again, fuck this little twerp.

-Now that I know it’s an act I fucking hate this little asshole’s “oh I’m so weak, woe is me :(” routine.

-Now we’re in Solm. The sky’s blood-red here, too. Nil led them into an ambush and now he’s turning on Nel.

-Zelestia catches on pretty quickly.

-Nil wants to fulfill Sombron’s ambitions, but unless Alt Sombron had a different plan Nil can’t do that.

-Wait, why’d Nil even bother luring them to Solm, he coulda just left them confused and without direction in Elusia. Oh yeah, Nel can’t transform because Nil has her dragonstone. Rip the only thing keeping Nel relevant, lol.

-Four Winds want to hold the line so Nel can save Alear.

-What the fuck, it looks like Nil was keeping Alear close by to where he took Nel, WHY THE FUCK DID NIL BRING THEM THERE, LOL.

-Nil and Alear have the shittiest argument of all time. He wants to force her to do something that’ll help his plan. Nel busts in in dragon form. Again, why did Nil lure Nel and the Winds right to the temple where he was keeping Alear, their death doesn’t seem to further his plan at all.

-Oh hey it’s the mystery assassin from chapter 1. By process of elimination, he’s Fogado. Why did they obscure Fogado’s identity? Trailer bait, that’s it. Also Hortensia’s here.

-Oh god this map looks cancer.

-Apparently I have to heal Alear, who is imprisoned, implying Nel will try to kill her. WHY WOULD NEL WANT TO DO THAT, HE SAID HE NEEDS HER ALIVE STILL.

-Nel tries to reason with Nil. Her mistake is assuming Nel is being remotely rational.

-Chapter 5 was so bad that I got irritated and turned the difficulty down to normal, lol.

-Okay we knocked Nil unconscious. Are we going to... kill him? Restrain him? What?

-No, we’re deadass just gonna leave Nil lying around to come back and stab us in the back later.

-Four Winds are fuuuuuuucked. Mauvier suggests a suicide attack knocking the temple down on the waves of corrupted with the Winds still inside.

-There’s a lot of leadup to the deaths of a bunch of characters I’ve barely had any time to get to know, especially Madeline and Mauvier who just barely arrived.

-Oh Nil’s back up and laughing and shit.

-Nil takes Nel hostage and demands meeting him at the Somniel which isn’t floating in this world.

-Oh, guess Nil isn’t the real Nil, and the real Nil died at somesuch point. I don’t give a fuck. I sincerely don’t. What the fuck is the point of this plot twist, it would be like if it was revealed Ferdinand was actually Zweidinand, the second son of Duke Aegir, and the real Ferdinand died in the backstory and nobody ever knew him and nobody cares.

-More cryptic shit.

-Also, can we go to another alt world if we head for the DLC well in the Alt World?

-Oh, we visit the Somniel but it’s all in ruins so it’s not really recognizable.

-Roflmao, Nel even points out there’s nothing to rule in the alt world since everyone but them is dead but Nil doesn’t care, he just wants power. What a shitty villain.

-Nil gives the reveal to Nel to upset her.

-So wait, were Nil and fake Nil BOTH weak? Just by happenstance? Oh nvm, Nil is sadge and he - oh he’s mind controlled. Of course he is, this is fucking Fire Emblem Engage.

-Oh, all this runaround is because Edelgard’s bracelet is sealed somehow. Alt Alear placed the seal, so Alear can probably break it.

-Alear just INSTANTLY submits and undoes the seal without doing anything to confirm Nel will be safe. Nil turns into a dragon, I guess using the power of the bracelets.

-Four Winds show up to ave Nel. Mauvier dedge. Guess that’s why Mauvier was just identical to his main game counterpart, there was no need for him to... be different at all. Idk, it’s still stupid. Mauvier warped the other Winds out with a Warp Staff, and he died.

-I swear, the Four Winds are getting more development than Nel and Nill, roflmao.

-Seems there was a Veyle in this world, too, and she’s dead.

-This final map is fucking gigantic.

-Why does Nil have two instant kill attacks.

-I was told that Alear can kill Nil over his super duper defensive terrain on turn 1 and I don’t give a shit about playing by the Fell Xenalogue’s rules anymore. Sadly, my Alear didn’t have the damage so I put this on hold until I got Marth back, thinking Divine Speed (and also Veyle’s personal ability) might make up the difference. Unfortunatly this turned out to be a mistake because I forgot Draconic Hex was something you had to unlock on Corrin and I had her on Gregory. Oh well :’3

-Bracelets poof away, “their duty is done”.

-Nil finally realizes he’s “truly worthless”.

-Lol, Nil and fake Nil had an uncanny similarity and much in common. How stupidly convenient. So I know the point of this is that it ties into the found family theme Engage has, but the problem is I don’t think this works because Nel and fake Nil are blood family anyways. They just aren’t twins.

-Lol fake Nil says if they let him live he’ll “bring the world to the brink of ruin” again. I don’t think you can kill everyone and replace them with corrupted when they’re all already dead.

-The Nil/Fake Nil switch is made even more pointless when Nel reveals she knew about it from the start. This is part awkward theme application, part manufactured drama.

-Nel stabs herself for some fucking reason. Apparently this will “ease his pain”. I guess because her dragonstone, which Sombron cursed to control Nil, will break, but couldn’t she just take the stupid thing back? Now he’s mourning, good job, Nel.

-Anyways, Fake Nil is actually Rafal.

-At least Rafal admits the whole mind control spell is a shitty excuse for what he did.

-Anyways, Rafal says he’ll do the whole energy transfer thing Lumera did to revive Nel, and Alear invites him to join her in her Elyos once it’s all done. Apparently the bracelets brought the two worlds closer because this Sombron still wanted to leave the world, so why the fuck then did he want an heir if he was planning to leave Elyos still.

-Alear points out this world’s empty and beyond saving and invites the Winds to join her in the main Elyos. The Winds have a pretty sweet moment planning out what they’ll do, then they agree to go. The Four Winds got better development than Nel and Nil, roflmao.

-So uhhhh, this story was pointless. It just existed to give us a chance to go, “wow, the royals are being weird!” except they drop that plot point about halfway through to focus on the twins, who are both lame characters. This DLC campaign told us nothing of value about the world or anyone in it because there’s no way to know what in the alt world applies to the main world. Bah.

-Back on the main world Somniel, Nel and Rafal showed up sooner than Alear existed. Evidently it’s been a thousand years for Nel and there’s some day inside hour outside nonsense going on, so the devs got to just... NOT show Rafal reconciling with Nel or atoning to her for all the dickish shit he did. Oh well.

[cryptidsandcatacombs]

The ride Disney had with zazu and iago is so fucking funny for many reasons

1) the idea zazu would spend his retirement running a tiki bar is so fucking funny like have you looked at the man what about him says “yep this is a guy ready to party”

2) the fact that zazu and iago would agree to be business parties period. They would absolutely kill each other on day 1 I guarantee it.

3) the fact Iago got so far with pissing off the gods. We all know zazu would have sprayed iago’s ass with a spray bottle the moment iago did anything.

[tussive]

"New York is baffling in that it's a city that prides itself on being an absolute shit-hole. It's like — there's nothing good here, people are proud of that, they're happy, "Oh, it's overpriced, and it's overpopulated, and it stinks like piss, and comics! — comics film specials here!" And they all open with a joke about, "Yeah, you spend 8 thousand dollars a month for 9 square feet!" And you go, "Well, why do you fucking live here?" Why do people stay here?.. But unfortunately, this is where comedy works — where people are the most miserable. Like, I'd rather be filming a special on a beach in Costa Rica in a tiki bar right now, but they don't need comedians, they're already smiling, they're already happy — naturally! So that's why I'm doing a special here — cause it's the last fucking place I wanna be."

I'm too lazy to fix this quote to not look like shit, so I apologize, but this is so funny. The thought that comedy only works when people need to be made happy is so good. Love Doug Stanhope.

[corruptedbunny-multimuse]

Well- he got into a fight with an op creature that tore Hank to shreds and Tricky got REALLY pissed when the guy called him a failed scientist. I think that was a very personal level of an attack there. As I said the creature is op so uh- yeah beat him in demon form quite easily and damaged the Drive pretty badly. Usually Tricky can't even stand when the Drive is in that bad of a state... but he's still standing up and the Tiky army had to come in... They're protecting him. Yeah it's crazy...

Jeb took a deep breath, and let it out. "What. The. Fuck."

[randomnameless]

I don't understand why Bernadetta fans feel entitled enough to claim she was robbed from CYL. It's not like she was an important character, her dad has more plot relevance than she does. I'm not crying "Robbed!" because my favourite secondary character hasn't won.

Eh,

Were you around during the A!Tiki redshiter who cried and ranted and made a general fuss everytime Y!Tiki received an alt?

Let's say the feh redshit is full of people who love their favourite characters, and some are prone to throw a tantrum whenever their fave isn't released.

Something Jugdral fans came to learn and accept during the past 20 years lol, that's why there's less outcries at "when the fuck is oldvis going to be released".

also, I'm not here to say whether Bernie's blazing performance in her base game has anything to do with how ardently some people rally behind her, but given the prevalence of 3H characters in the CYL picks, crying for Bernie is like pouring oil on a bonfire.

However, I'm also genuinely pissed at "Boobs'n'snakes" getting the first place, or how someone who appeared for 5 seconds and was only revealed to have assets and to simp for the self-insert, with hints of a "tragik backstory" is apparently the most popular female character of the franchise.

My fwend @crushednugget made an OC prediction and I hate how right it was ; I remember a time where the FE series weren't just a glorified dating sim, and as of February 2023, Gullveig winning CYL just hammered the fact that now, FEH at least, fully embraced the dating sim aspect.

[bnha-hcs]

Some Starbucks Rage

So me and @bnha-villians-hc-and-imagines​ were originally going to work on some Starbucks AU stuff because we both suffer in that hell but it became less of an AU and more of a rage induced ranting session so I’m posting it here so y’all can do with this as you will. Be warned there’s a lot of cursing and caps lock lmao

STARBUCKS RAGE:

Me, Tiki:

You come in every fucking day and can’t seem to figure out how the creamer works for whatever fucking reason so I always end up having to pour it for you IT’s NOT THAT FUCKING HARD JUST UNSCREW THE CAP

You keep coming in and just saying “mocha” and I don’t understand what you’re asking STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M STUPID WHEN I ASK YOU HOT OR COLD JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION PLS THERE’S A LINE

Lmao fuck,,, If you come in one more time and ask for a cup of whipped cream I will have you feel the wrath of god.png

You came up to the front counter and keep changing your mind about which mug you’re buying and I’m handing them back to you to put away like, you know, good people do and you’re getting mad at me saying you don’t want it PLEASE JUST PUT THE FUCKING CUPS BACK WHERE YOU FOUND THEM

“Is it too late to change my milk from regular to almond milk??” Me, holding the finished drink and about to set it down on the bar: “No, I guess I’ll Make a BRAND NEW ONE”

If you say “just a little bit” one more time while I’m toasting your fucking bagel I will shove it down your fucking throat oh my gods

I asked you about a million times if you wanted your (insert pastry item here) warmed up and you said no so I hand it to you and you suddenly go, “Oh wait,,, :c can I have it warmed up?”Me, inserting a gun into my mouth: “sure”

If you keep coming in and ordering off the fcuking “secret menu” one more time I’m going to launch you into the sun

yOU ALWAYS COME IN HERE WITH GIFT CARDS THAT HAVE REWARDS ON THEM WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU HAVE 6 REWARDS AND WHY DO YOUR CARDS NOT WORK ON THE FUCKING TERMINAL AND I CAN’T SEE THE NUMBERS ON THEM TO TYPE THEM IN FUCK YOU

You ate 7/8ths of the fucking panini and then came back to complain that it was cold NO I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING REFUND IT

You and your group of friends came in completely drunk at 8 in the morning pls stop yelling at each other to shut up and just order something AND STOP FUCKING WITH THE DISPLAYS

I ask you if you want room in your coffee for cream and sugar and you either say “just cream” or “just sugar” and i don’t think you fucking understand that they’re the fucking same JUST SAY YES YOU NEED ROOM

If you spill your entire drink all over the fucking bar don’t just stand there and look lost for fucks sake julia CLEAN UP YOUR GODDAMN MESS.

“Do you have (insert breakfast sandwich) right now?” “no we don’t sorry.” “WELL WHAT DO YOU HAVE??” Me, two feet away from the display case: “We have whatever’s in the case” “Well what’s in the case??” I DON’T KNOW KAREN WHY DON’T YOU USE YOUR EYES AND FIND OUT??

Don’t get fucking mad because you have to wait two seconds for the pike to brew I’M SORRY WE HAVE TO BREW IT EVERY 30 MINUTES WOULD YOU RATHER NOT GET ANY AT ALL YOU MOLDY DONUT

Sorry i don’t know all the ingredients for every single syrup we own I DON’T FUCKING KNOW IF PEPPERMINT HAS DAIRY IN IT BUT I WOULD ASSUME NOT

nO i can’t fucking cut your panini or breakfast sandwich in half I don’t have a knife stop asking

You came in asking if you could buy a bag of chips that we don’t sell and you literally have the bag of chips what the fuck where did you get this bag of chips sir did you just STEAL A BAG A CHIPS TO BUY IT AT A STARBUCKS

No i’m not giving you a fcuking sleeve for your cold drink THIS IS WHY WE RUN OUT BY FUCKING NOON BC BOO BOO THE FOOL CAN’T HOLD A COLD DRINK APPARENTLY

FUCKING There aren’t any fucking soap suds in your goddamn coffee sir THEY’RE NOT SOAP BUBBLES It’s a goddamn reaction of when the carbon dioxide and the bean oils combine it makes the bubbles. It’s not soap. For fucks sakesIT GOES AWAY IN 2-3 MINUTES AND GUESS WHAT ASSWIPE THE MORE BUBBLES THE FRESHER THE COFFEE SO YOU CAN KISS MY CANDY SWEET CANDY ASS

////

@bnha-villians-hc-and-imagines​:

You always mobile order but you dont fucking come get your drink until 45 minutes later and i H a T E you

You come in. Everyday. Asking if we have pumpkin spice. It is fucking march. STOP.

You ordered a starbucks doubleshot on ice with 12 shots with no cream or sweetener. And asked for it to be filled with cold brew instead of milk or water. For the third time today. Are you okay? ... Seriously, are you okay?

I saw you stuff handfuls of our splenda and sugar packets into your jacket. Who are you and why are you like this?

No you cant hand me all your trash through the drive thru window, fuck you.

I'm taking an order over the head set, taking money from the window and struggling to also put a lid on this frappaccino- YOU CAN WAIT, PERSON AT FRONT COUNTER.

I was scheduled to work with two people over a peak period, both didn't show up. I am running the store myself, this isn't sweat these ARE TEARS. (Tiki im sorry u lived through this)

Please dont yell at me if your card declines. That is all.

Getting angry when I dont laugh at/agree with your racist/sexist/transphobic/homophobic joke doesnt make you right or a victim. I hope you drive into a tree.

No im not going to use my partner numbers on your order???? Who??? The fuck???? Do you think you are????

Stop smoking in drive thru. STOP IT. FUCKING STOP. STOP.

Its 9pm. OF COURSE WE HAVE LIKE NO FOOD ITEMS WE ARE CLOSING DOWN THE STORE U DUMBSHIT.

i cant pick out artichokes from your sandwich what the fuck? Is this subway? No.

I dont care about your diet. Stop telling me that its cheat day.

If im mopping. Dont. Walk. Through. My. EFFORTS. Please. Im not even finished with half the store. Just go to the other side its 3 steps away please.

Dont say “coffee” in the drive thru and drive off to my front window you fucking ignoramus.

Get off your phone when ordering. Fuck you. And your phone call.

Im not looking at your laptop while im sweeping don't give me a side eye, for fucks sake.

I SAW YOU STEAL THAT PACKET OF CHOCOLATE COVERED GRAHAM CRACKERS. AT LEAST TRY TO BE SNEAKY.

If i cant scan ur panini at front counter, it doesnt mean its free. Please stop making this joke. Im just going to put it in manually. Please stop trying to take it from me. I need to warm it- please- stop- ITS NOT WARM PLEASE STOP- please. Please. *4 minutes later once they have their coffee* “uh. No one warmed up my panini” *they hold up the panini that they SNATCHED FROM ME* me, stabbing myself and performing seppuku; “tell my mother i love her”

You walked into my store and cut in line. Why are you upset that i tell you to move? Why? Who are you? Who raised you?

Just because you call me “darlin’” doesnt mean i will flirt with u. You're like fucking 46. I am 20.

STOP. GIVING. YOUR. ORDER. IN. THE. PASSENGER. SIDE. OF. THE. CAR. WHEN. ORDERING. AT. THE. DRIVE-THRU. I. CANT. HEAR. YOU. JUST TELL YOUR DRIVER WHAT YOU WANT SO I CAN HEAR THE ORDER PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU.

“I want a vintage (yes) white chocolate mocha with 3 pumps of raspberry” “venti?” “vintage” “..venti..” “VINTAGE” “okay.”

“Hi welcome to starbucks can you please hold on a moment for me” “CAN I GET A UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, TOASTED WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCHA WITH NO WHIP, EXTRA HOT WITH EXTRA PRIVILEGE AND I WANT IT DOUBLE CUPPED/// Me, Juggling 3 paninis and trying to take money from an old lady who doesnt know what silence is and is telling me about her 5th grandkid picking his nose; “hi welcome to starbucks i hope you fucking choke”

If one more god damn person looks at me, in my fucking eyes, and tells me they wanted their latte iced when i asked 459 times if it was hot/iced then i will choke a bitch.

“Can i add to my order. At the window. After i paid, and after you've given me my drinks?” me, crying; “okay”

You came in, ordered a kids temp hot chocolate, and now you are complaining that its. Not. Hot. Enough? Go die.

Im sorry that we ran out of cakepops Sharon, but calm the fuck down. Please.

Hi i noticed you came through our drive thru/store at 9:58pm and I just wanna let you know that everyone in the store hates you with an unrelenting rage that will hopefully melt the skin off your face. Oh? You need 4 caramel fraps and 2 black and white mochas, both iced with no whip and half and half as the base? Fuck you.

////

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Reborn (Part 1)

Fic: A Woman Reborn (Part 1)

Pairing: Billy Russo X Reader (from A Woman Scorned)

Rating: R / 18+ only

A/N: This is a sequel to A Woman Scorned and takes place a few years after the events of AWS. You can read AWS here.

Summary: You and Billy are happily married when tragedy strikes, jeopardizing your relationship and everything you two have built together. Can the two of you find your way back to each other or is the special bond you once shared broken forever?

gif credit: @barnesdaily​

Then…

You were pissed. In five days you were supposed to marry Billy and start your lives together but there he was, standing at the tiki bar, flirting it up with the bartender. Jealous fury coursed through you, seeing him laugh and charm the hot blonde. You knew he was deliberately putting on a show because he was angry with you, he’d clocked your entrance the second you entered the beachside bar - but it still irritated you and you had enough of it. Well, two could play that game.

You turned around and headed to the bar that was on the opposite end of the resort, a safe distance away from Billy and his stupid antics.

The breeze from the ocean had a slight chill to it. You contemplated going back to your room to pick up a shawl but decided against it. As you passed by several of the other guests heading to dinner, they greeted you with a smile and nod. An older couple walked ahead of you, hands intertwined together, laughing and chatting. It warmed your heart to see them, but it also saddened you. Would that ever be you and Billy? Right now, you didn’t think so.

The poolside bar was crowded, filled with people partying and socializing. You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to get into “work” mode. You were a great schmoozer, it just wasn’t an inherent part of your personality and you actively had to work at it. But forcing yourself to have a good time was better than being stuck in your room and seething at Billy.

Spotting a group of people at the bar you and Billy had chatted with earlier, you made your way towards them.

An hour later you were on your third drink and actually having a great time with a guy named Andrew when you felt someone’s arm snake around your waist. Billy. He pulled you close, your back flush against his chest, his way of reminding you that you were his.

“Having a great time?” Billy asked.

Oh, he was pissed. You could hear it in his voice right away even though he sounded perfectly friendly to everyone else. “Wonderful time,” you replied flippantly, not turning around.

“Andrew, right?” Billy asked, extending his hand out to the guy in front of you. “We met at the lobby bar earlier.”

Andrew shook his hand, oblivious to the tension in the air. “Yeah, I remember. Billy. Feeling better? Your wife said you came down with something.”

“We’re not married,” you said, deliberately goading Billy.

“Not yet.” Moving to stand beside you, he planted a hard kiss on your bare shoulder. “Looks like you’re taking good care of her though. Where’s your wife?”

“Oh, she’s around here somewhere.”

Billy dipped his head to the side. “Maybe you should go look for her and leave mine alone.”

Finally sensing the hostility, Andrew mumbled, “Alright man, see you around,” and left right away.

You took a sip of your drink, purposely ignoring Billy which he didn’t like. Not at all.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Enjoying myself.”

“Clearly.” His dark eyes blazoned with rage, peering at you closely. “If this is you getting cold feet, get the fuck over it. You’re marrying me. No matter what.”

“Oh, were you discussing the wedding when you were flirting with the bartender?”

Eyebrow cocked, he gave you a smug grin. “Saw that, did you?”

“Disappointed I didn’t stab her?”

“Always.” He took the drink from your hand and finished it off in one swig. “Are you still planning to stick to the ridiculous no-sex rule?”

You shot him a dirty glance before standing up to leave. “You might as well go back to the bartender. That’s the only way you’re getting any.”

As you made your way out of the bar, he came up from behind and grabbed your elbow to spin you around. “Why you pushing me away?”

“What are you talking about?”

He glared at you, leaning in close. “You spring this whole no-sex thing out of the blue-”

“I just wanted our first night as a married couple to be special. You’re acting like I asked you to be celibate for a fucking year! It would only be until the wedding.”

“Yeah well, that’s too fucking long.” His eyes trailed down to your breasts, inhaling you in. You’d chosen to wear a strapless maxi dress for dinner on your first night in Barbados, and while it was loose and comfortable it also required a strapless push-up bra which did wonders for your cleavage. “You look like this and then tell me I can’t fuck you?”

You tried to hold on to your anger but it was difficult, especially considering the look of pure lust on Billy’s face. “There are couples that don’t have sex for months,” you pointed out.

With every step that he advanced towards you, you retreated backwards, taunting him.

“That’ll never be us.” His voice was hoarse as his fingers linked with yours, his arm encircling your back. “And you don’t want that anyway.”

“No, but I do want us to wait. It’s only five days.”

“Five days of fucking torture,” he grumbled.

He led you to the beach, the sounds of waves crashing against the ocean calming your nerves. The beach was dark and isolated, a picturesque heaven with a full moon shining amongst a thousand stars. You followed behind Billy as he tugged you to a nearby lounge chair and the two of you lied down, wrapped in each other’s arms, both watching the sky together.

Cold, you clung to him while he rubbed your arms and back. “Sometimes I can’t believe we’re actually here.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, lips grazing your temple.

“That we’re together, we’re getting married.”

“You’ll be mine. Legally.”

You chuckled. “I don’t think marriage gives you ownership over me.”

“Whatever.” He took your hand and kissed the tips of your fingers. “Legal or not, I own every fucking inch of you.”

“Every inch, huh?” You teased, sitting up and shifting your body so that you were now straddling him. “What about this part?” Your fingers smoothed down your neck, his hungry gaze following your movement.

“Mine.”

Eyes locked with his, you shimmied the top of your dress down, exposing your satin push-up bra. He reached out to caress your boobs but you slapped his hand away. “Can’t touch. That’s the rule.”

“So you can touch me all you want but I can’t do the same?”

“Bride’s prerogative.” Your hips started grinding against his, deliberately slowing your movements atop him so you could feel his erection through all the layers of clothing between you. “Just because we can’t fuck doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

His fingers tightly clenched the arms of the chair, his face tense as you continued to tease him.

Your hands gripped his stomach as you circled your hips in the other direction. “Think it’ll always be like this between us?”

“Always.”

“Maybe you’ll wake up one day and decide you don’t want to get married.”

He groaned, and you could see he was trying to focus on your words and not give into the fucking ecstasy from your hips rolling atop his erection. “Never… gonna… happen.”

Pressure spooled in your stomach as your wetness soaked through your panties and onto his shorts, both of your breaths coming out in short spurts.

“Want to be inside you,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

You shook your head. “No. Not allowed.”

“Then let me see your pussy.” His teeth pulled at his bottom lip, eyes pleading with you. “Let me eat you out.”

Before you could respond he was lifting you by the waist and dragging you close and then you were on his face and his mouth was between your thighs and he was fucking you with this tongue and you were screaming with pleasure at everything he was doing to you. But the voice in your head didn’t want to give up full control, no, absolutely not, and despite your trembling knees you picked yourself up and maneuvered yourself around atop his face. As he fucked you with his tongue, you unzipped his shorts, took his cock in your mouth and started sucking him off, leading to one of the most erotic experiences you’d shared with him.

He came first in your mouth, you followed shortly after, and by the time your hearts had stopped pounding and some semblance of reality returned it was minutes later and he was spooning you from behind.

“Five days is too long.”

You turned around in his arms, facing him. “I just gave you a blow job and that’s still not enough?” You pouted.

His eyes brimmed with emotion as he studied you. “It’s never enough. I could fuck you every day and every night and I’d still want more of you. Always. That’ll never change.”

“How can you be so sure?” You sounded so vulnerable even to your own ears, you couldn’t imagine how pathetic you must have sounded to him.  

He lifted your chin to meet his eyes, his gaze intent. “Because I love you.”

Those were words he didn’t say often, it had taken him a long time to even admit he felt that way about you, but every time he vocalized them your heart swelled and you were ready to burst with happiness.

“And I always will. Nothing’s gonna change that. And I don’t want to wait another five days to make you mine.”

“I’m already yours, remember?” You dropped a tender kiss on the tip of his nose.

“Marry me.”

You chuckled. “We already did this bit? You slipped the ring on my finger when I was sleeping. Told me I had to marry you, you wouldn’t accept no for an answer?”

“I mean marry me tomorrow, not five days from now.”

“Billy, our friends are flying down here to see us get married. We can’t just push up the wedding-”

“We can put on a show for them too, but let’s do something with just the two of us. Tomorrow.”

You saw the rush of excitement on his face, the way his eyes lit up in the dark - but the realist in you warned you to temper his expectations. “Is all this just because you want to get laid sooner? Fine. Forget the no-sex rule-”

He pressed his finger against your lips. “No, has nothing to do with that.” He sat up partially, resting his weight on his elbow. Forehead creased with worry, he watched you intently. “Don’t you wanna marry me?”

“Of course I do. You know that.”

“Good, because you don’t have a choice.”

You ruffled his hair playfully. “Do I ever?”

“So we’ll get married tomorrow.” He kissed your hand. “And you’ll be mine. Forever.”

You smiled, feeling closer to him than you ever had before. Closing your eyes, you snuggled him tightly.

***

The wedding ceremony took place the next night in one of the private gardens at the resort, under the stars, with the Marriage Officer officiating and with two members of the resort staff serving as witnesses. You wore a red slip dress and he wore his pin-striped suit and you couldn’t remember the last time he looked so elated. You were not the type of couple to write your own vows but when he promised to love and cherish you as long as he lived you knew he meant every word of it. As did you.

After the wedding the two of you slow danced in the gazebo, without any music, simply holding each other in the moonlight. And by time the two of you reached your suite, your clothes were already ripped off and you two were clawing at each other. You didn’t make it to the bed, barely even making it inside the suite.

It was the first night of the rest of your life together, and it was the happiest you’d ever been.

***

Now…

“Are you okay?”

Matt Murdock’s words brought you out of your reverie. You gave him a small smile, nodding your head. “I’m fine.”

He leaned in to whisper in your ear. “Do you need a break?”

“No, let’s just get this over with.”

Although hesitant, he resumed the negotiation with the opposing lawyer sitting across from you. 

Throughout the talks, you felt Billy’s eyes on you. As much as your heart wanted to believe he was watching you like he used to before the accident, his molten eyes full of love and lust, you knew that wasn’t the case. These days he only looked at you with contempt and anger, like you were the bane of his existence.

When a short break was ordered, you rushed out of the boardroom. The walls felt like they were closing in, you couldn’t breathe.

“Here,” Matt said, giving you a bottle of water.

Despite his lack of sight, Matt seemed to always know when you were struggling. It was like he had a sixth sense when it came to people’s emotions, probably why you and him became fast friends after Karen introduced you a few months ago.

“We don’t have to go through with this,” he advised. “It isn’t too late. Just tell me you want Anvil-”

“No. I’m tired of dragging this out. I just want to move on.”

“You helped make the company what it is now. Half of it’s rightfully yours.”

You shook your head ‘no’. “I want to cut all ties with him.”

On cue you felt Billy’s eyes on you, standing at the other end of the room. His face was beautiful as always despite the scars from the accident, and when you looked at him long enough you could almost convince yourself he was the man you fell so deeply in love with, the man you married. Except he wasn’t, and hadn’t been in the last two years. He was no longer your Billy and it was time to face that reality.

An hour later the negotiations were finally complete and the two of you had reached a settlement. After the documents were filed, you and Billy would be officially divorced.

Four and a half years of marriage obliterated in the span of an afternoon.

You could see the relief on Billy’s face as he left the room with his lawyer, his happiness at finally being rid of you. Even though it had been your idea to draw up a prenup in the first place, you had fought against it as your way of buying more time and holding onto the marriage. Maybe Billy would be himself again, maybe he’d remember you and love you like he once did. But your altercation with him last week had finally shown you that he was a changed man.

You didn’t cry after the accident. When Billy was in a coma for weeks after the crash, you didn’t cry then either. You stayed strong and reminded yourself he would come out of it. Because this was Billy. Your Billy. And he wasn’t going to let an accident take away everything he worked so hard for. When he regained consciousness and it soon became apparent he’d lost large fragments of his memory – including all reminders of you – you still clung to hope. You didn’t give into tears.

But right now, as Matt walked alongside you to your car, you finally fell apart. The tears rushed out, your knees gave way and you fell to the ground and sobbed for your husband. Matt held you tightly and tried his best to console you, but the grief was overwhelming. Because it hit you at long last that Billy was gone. The man you loved more than life itself was dead.

All remnants of him had disappeared and the love that you shared with him no longer existed.

To be continued...

A/N - Um, thoughts???

Tag List:

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[crinosg]

Ranking the Nintendo bad guys

Turtle Dad

*Looks scary but is total cinnamon roll

*Wrestled in High School so he can kick your ass

*Never actually finished High School. Can't help you with your math.

*Still gets invited to Go Kart with the Princess despite being her stalker for like thirty years.

*Might just be pretending to be evil at this point.

Dark Lord Dad Bod.

*Keeps trying to conquer the world and getting killed by a little elf in boy shorts.

*Spends half his time as an eldritch abomination, the rest of the time as foxy single dad.

*The only male Gerudo. Not coincidentally most of the Gerudo are actually nice while he's a dick.

*Keeps coming back after being killed fifty billion times.

*Basically Doctor Who but evil.

Trukk Not Monkee

* Space Hitler but also a monkey.

*Put his brain inside a computer, then put that computer in a giant version of his own head. That's how crazy he is.

*Manages an evil boyband. Forced them to take his nephew as a member

*Has heard every Planet of the Apes joke a million times already, including the Simpsons related ones.

Jojo posing Crocodile

*Large and in charge

*Cosplay master

*Cheats at TF2 and Fortnite

*Doesn't actually care about winning, just wants you to lose.

*Despite this everyone loves him.

*Replaced by Tiki Masks and Viking animals, still pissed about it.

This asshole

*Seriously fuck this guy.

*Murdered Samus' parents, then murdered her foster parents again because he wanted a perfect score.

*The kind of guy who would say "You triggered snowflake?"

*Best revenge is to look at his baby photos. He hates that.

*King of poor life choices.

The personification of cold and uncaring universe.

*What?

*No, seriously, WHAT?

*This is Kirby's bad guy? The cute little pink fluff ball Kirby?

*Looks like he can kill you, and he can.

*In your house right now with a knife.

*Death only pisses him off.

[afan1]

The Wilds: Season 1 Rewatch

SPOILER WARNINGS – While it is an episode recap, there may be spoilers for the entirety of season 1 of The Wilds. Continue reading at your own risk if you haven’t seen all of it yet.

1x01 Recap 

1x02 Recap

1x03 Recap

1x04 Recap

1x05 Recap

1x06 + 1x07 Recap

1x08 + 1x09 Recap

The Wilds | 1x10: Day Twenty-Three

Favorite Quote

“This must be what cavewomen felt like when their men came home with meat. Like, I am legit hot for you right now.” — Fatin Jadmani

Personal Highlights of the Episode

The shark scene with Nora screaming, the music, everyone’s reactions… chills. I can’t wait til we see the full thing in season two. The acting will be phenomenal, I’m sure.

Shelby talking out her feelings with Toni instead of letting it eat her up and cause another breakdown. That’s growth. It’s teeny-tiny, but it’s still growth.

Things I Didn't Catch the First Time

I 100% do not remember this opening sequence with seeing Nora acting as the operative during from day one until now. Wtf was I doing when I watched this the first time? (All cap texts stress me the fuck out)

“You were RIGHT.” Double meaning? Was Shelby giving Leah directions to take when she got out of her room? Why was that one word the only one in all caps and underlined? It can’t be a coincidence that Shelby goes into anaphylactic shock the same moment that Leah escapes her room.

Who just lets a drink fizz on their floor? Not even one, but three!

Observations / Theories / Questions

“Lord, you’re like beyond calm right now.” Shelbs, honey, that’s what happens after you get laid.

Finding out Leah is a slob while drunk just wants me to see video evidence of that. Like I want to see all the girls get drunk af together in a normal situation and not while stranded on an island.

Quinn and Nora were so damn cute and awkward, it was just perfect. It’s so tragic what happened. He tried so hard to impress Rachel too, and like, impressing a sibling is the hardest job in the world I think. And it’s so realistic for Nora to really hone in on what Rachel said and let that impact her relationship with Quinn, whether it be intentional or not. A sibling bond can run so deep sometimes.

I can never really tell when Gretchen is being manipulative or genuine. Was she scouting Nora before the jail visit? Did she know shortly after talking to her there that she wanted her for the experiment which is why the pancake offer was on given? Did Nora even bring Rachel up beforehand and if not, how would Gretchen know Nora had a sister?

If Nora actually succeeded in making Leah disappear, who do you think would have reacted the worst in the group about her disappearance?

Clearly Shelby has a thing for Tony/i’s: Tony Romo and Toni Shalifoe. Can’t be just a coincidence.

Field Notes

Field Note #121 — Shelby’s cross necklace was a gift from her mom on the day of her baptism. Shelby was baptized at 14 years old—a full immersion baptism, in front of her whole church.

Field Note #122 — This is the second time we’ve seen Dot trying to hit something, only to miss her mark. Her aim really is piss-poor. Potentially related fact: Dot has never had an eye exam in her entire life.

Field Note #123 — As fraternal twins, Nora and Rachel have pretty different proportions. With the exception of their feet. They both wear a size 8 ½.

Field Note #125 — Nora has never not been shy among strangers. She doesn’t even like to ask for refills at restaurants—she usually asks Rachel to do it for her.

Field Note #130 — The cocktail stirrer in Nora’s folder is from the night Nora and Quinn snuck off campus and crashed a tiki-themed wedding.

Field Note #132 — Yeah, Tony Romo was Shelby’s first celebrity crush.

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Shelby Curse Count: 2 (16 all season)

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I made it!!! Just in time for season two tomorrow! Well folks, it was a pleasure doing this with you. I hope you had as much fun as I did!

[frostfireft]

Can we have more Bickslow headcannons? And maybe Evergreen, Freed, and Lexus too?

Fuck yeah you can! I’m gonna start with a lot of angst and then move into their dynamics as a team. (this got REALLY long but I’m not sorry)

-I gave you all my HC for Freed’s backstory in my last post and mentioned that Freed is the reason that Bickslow and Evergreen joined the guild, so have both their backstories too! 

-Bickslow grew up in a travelling circus with several other child performers. It wasn’t exactly a nice environment. There were lots of issues and safety hazards and abuse going on behind the scenes, but they were forced to keep smiling and performing through it all. 

-Bickslow was especially targeted by the ringmaster because of his magic allowing him to look into people’s souls. The ringmaster is the one who forced him to wear a helmet when he wasn’t using his ability on the crowd for money. 

-Because of that, he only had five friends back then, all children younger than he was, who looked up to him both for his tricks and the fact that no matter how upset he was, he had a smile for them.

-one day the tent caught fire during a practice. Bickslow was the only one to make it out alive. 

-but considering all the traumatic events they went through, most of the children kept there weren’t able to move on, and their spirits lingered in the area... Except for the five kids who were most fond of Bickslow. They stayed near him and talked to him all the time, especially once they realized he could see them. You still have a soul as a spirit after all. 

-the town he was in began to think he was crazy because he was “talking to the air” all the time, and they would continuously call child services to try and take him to an orphanage. The five spirits however, would warn him before they could, and Bickslow used his years of acrobatics skills to stay away from anyone who tried to move him away from where the circus burned down. It may have been a place of trauma, but there were good memories too, and it’s all he had. 

-So the town tried one last gamble. Who better to adopt a child with mysterious magic that Fairy Tail? 

-And Makarov, in an attempt to get Laxus to be more social, decided to send him and Freed. 

-It went about as well as you’d expect. Laxus tried to fight him while Freed did research on the area and what happened to him. 

-Laxus didn’t have as much control over his magic as he thought he did at that age, and Bickslow was kicking his ass before Freed showed up and trapped him so they could talk.

-Freed shared his story with him and offered the same thing Laxus once offered him: a home. 

-Bickslow cracked soon after that, and told them everything after Freed started asking questions about the town thinking he’s crazy while they were on the train back to magnolia. 

-While many members of Fairy Tail were unnerved by him, those around their age did their best to make him feel at home. Natsu listened to all his stories about the circus and about the five ghosts who followed him, and Bickslow listened to his stories about the dragons. 

-Freed used this time to research Seith magic extensively, and he eventually came across the idea of putting the souls into objects. He and Bickslow worked for weeks to figure out how to do it, and the five spirits became his five main “dolls.” 

-He of course, asked them if they were okay with being alongside him before putting them inside the tiki dolls, and if he cried when they said there was nowhere else they’d rather be? Well Freed and Laxus weren’t going to tell anyone about it. 

-Evergreen was both harder and easier to get back to Fairy Tail. 

-Like Freed, She was once a part of the noble class, but under a name she never wants to use again. 

-When she gained her eye magic, she accidentally turned her mother to stone, and it was all downhill from there. Her father tried to keep her locked in a room, and it worked for a long time. 

-Eventually though, she had decided she’d had enough, and snuck out and ran as far away as she could. She kept a ribbon tied around her eyes any time she had to go into town, and learned how to walk while completely blind. This did some damage to her eyesight after several years of doing it. 

-it felt like it was too good to be true. She was free and she did odd little jobs in a town far from her original home to earn money for food. it was all she needed..... Until a child tore the ribbon from her face. 

-the second she made eye contact, the little boy turned to stone. There was nothing she could do about it except cover her face up again and run. 

-her father, however, had notified several guilds about her disappearance and claimed she was dangerous if left alone, so when stories spread about a homeless child turning a boy to stone, it became their first lead in months. 

-there was a lull in fighting missions at the time, and something about her magic intrigued Freed. It was an eye magic like his and Bickslow’s first magics, and they aren’t exactly common. Freed, Laxus, and Bickslow took it upon themselves to take the mission to bring her home.

-She very quickly figured out how to hide herself in the woods and away from people. Freed had to trap the entire area and make it so that eye magics don’t work within his barriers before they could even get close to her. It took almost a month. 

-And much to their surprise, she was nothing like what they were expecting. After all, they were supposed to be hunting down a nobleman’s son, not a daughter.

-Bickslow almost immediately asks her about why she ran away, and Ever looks up at him- then panics as she slams her eyes shut- but he doesn’t turn to stone because of Freed’s runes, and he explains as such. 

-They have a long conversation about why she ran away, and she tells them everything her father did to her, from being locked in her room to being terrified to tell him she’s his daughter and not his son because of his anger issues.

-They realize then and there they can’t give her back to him, and Freed comes up with the plan to tell him that they didn’t find his son, but rather a random girl with a similar magic, and she can join Fairy Tail instead of staying on the run. 

-The only reason she doesn’t agree immediatly is because of her eye magic. She couldn’t control it, and the idea of turning someone to stone again scared her.

-Freed sent Laxus to buy a pair of glasses without a prescription and a nice dress for her to wear, and he etches runes into the glasses to block her eye magic when they’re on.

-She’s sold from that moment on, and the raijinshuu’s friendship is sealed with that secret. 

-Laxus helps her chose her name before they get onto the train, and they solidify the story before then too  

-Makarov Accepts the story without question, even though they have a sneaking suspicion he knows. 

-They become a tight knit group in no time. 

-Then they learn about Ivan and all he did to Laxus, and they start to jokingly refer to themselves as the Laxus protection squad. It’s a lot less of a joke when Ivan’s actually around though, and the guild definitely notices. Makarov even starts to officially call them that in some reports. 

-No one remembers who suggested the name “raijinshuu,” but they all privately agree it’s dumb. Especially since  it insinuates that Laxus is the team leader. Freed’s the captain of their team for a reason.

-Dispite the fact that Bickslow is the tallest of them, both Laxus and Freed are both physically stronger than him. That’s not to say he isn’t strong, but Laxus can carry freakish amounts of weight due to his slayer biology, and Freed does the same due to his demon biology. 

-Freed can carry all of them at once. No one knows how. 

-Freed puts new runes on Ever’s glasses every time she gets new frames or a new prescription. He knows she doesn’t need it anymore, but she’s always grateful for the option. 

-if they share a bed, Freed and Ever cannot sleep next to each other. Their hair tangles together and they’ve only had to make that mistake once. 

-Ever and Bickslow are not under any circumstances allowed to cook, Freed can make fancy meals, and Laxus makes homemade stuff that would make your mouth water. He also stress bakes in secret at four am. 

-That’s how they always know he’s stressed when he doesn’t tell them. It’s kind of hard to miss 6 batches of cookies that spontaneously appeared overnight

-Freed has an unsharpened rapier that feels like getting hit with a slap bracelet at full speed. Naturally, this is the sword he chases Bickslow with when he pisses him off. 

-Laxus likes to pretend he’s one of the smartest members of the guild, but the raijinshuu knows he’s actually kind of a himbo. 

-Bickslow is really close friends with Loke, and when he noticed the man was dying slowly, the others comforted him despite not knowing what was going on.

-Bickslow often helps ghosts pass on from the mortal plane. 

-Evergreen keeps up with all the latest fashion, but she still considers Freed to be more fashionable. Because of this she always double checks her outfits with him. 

-Evergreen’s always the first to sass someone when they’re being rude to her team. It’s earned her her reputation as a “bitch” but she’s far too proud of it to be offended.

-One Laxus was open about his dragon slayer magic, they pushed him to talk to the other slayers to learn about himself and his magic. Freed and Bickslow pushed the hardest though, since they’re friends with Natsu and knew that he would be all too willing to drag Laxus into his little family of dragon slayers.

-Laxus was much happier oncce he accepted that he was more dragon that human anyways, and the more he learned, the happier he was. 

-In case it wasn’t clear: mtf Trans!Ever (she/her exclusively), he/they Freed, and  wtf is gender, is it a food?” Laxus and Bickslow (any pronouns).