#TO REWRITE MY OWN ART SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

[mhaikkun]

what if...........................dating sim set in an art school

let's discuss

[zarvasace]

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahhhh okay, thank you!! 💜🌻 I finally have a free moment (aka work is slow) so I'm going to work on drafting this out :) I have far too much art I'm proud of—I'm at a stage in my progress right now where I think my art looks pretty awesome. So this list will be stuff from my Greatest Hits collection on AO3. In order of oldest to newest, I think:

incandescently happy

An LU post-adventure work, one of the first longer fics I posted. I released one chapter a day over the summer of 2022, so a lot of the notes have something about my day in them. It's about 30k all told.

I absolutely adored expanding on what the boys might do after the whole LU adventure happens (though I did forget about the fact that I think Time and Malon have a kid during this time!) This work features some proto-Shatterproof stuff, like Wind having a prosthetic leg and Four starting to specialize in crafting prosthetics/disability aids. I gave Hyrule longer hair and a job making maps for the royal family. Legend got another adventure but also started a magic garden/orchard, which pulls in more business than Ravio's stuff. Four and his grandpa adopted a single mother and her two kids. Man I went off with some of these headcanons. I've always considered writing more in this world, but I think it stands very well on its own. Maybe someday I might revisit and rewrite it with some of my new skills. :)

Rise and Shine and Fall

Whumptober 2022, focused entirely on LU! Guys this thing is almost 78k. I realize now that most people pre-plan or pre-write for things like Whumptober, but I wrote these one by one every day, which was extra-hard because I had both college classes and a day job at the time. I came up with some fun AUs, learned a lot about writing (especially whump), and proved to myself that I can do hard things like this!! I've adored doing daily challenges since, though I haven't done it in a while. I look forward to this year's whumptober though!

I really like the table of contents in the first chapter—it makes things easy to find. I know individual works are probably more accessible, but I was still getting to know AO3, and those big numbers are fun. XD I have a hard time picking favorites, because I really went off on these, but I'd say a couple of them are:

Chp 3, "Right Here" about Sky

Chp 7, "Proof of Life" about Four and Shadow

Chp 18, "I'm onwy a babey :(" about Wind

Chp 21, "6:13" about Hyrule and Time

Chp 26, "Silence is Golden" about Wild

Chp 31-32, "The Worst Thing About Earth" about Legend, but kind of more specifically the rewrite/expansion I did last year... haha...

The Marvelous Misadventures of Wind and His Merry Band or Maybe-Human Heroes

It's been a while since I updated this story (56k, 6/8 chapters), but it's constantly on my mind. I've started chapter 7 twice, and I know what I want to happen, but I am easily distracted by the siren call of some other whump fics. XD

I freaking love this story, though. I really want to finish it. It's kind of an... experiment? I guess? I want to get published someday, and I picture myself writing middle-grade novels. This story is sort of my attempt to hit that tone. Also I just love Wind so so so much. Let him be cool!!

Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School

56k Four Swords completed story! I wrote this in a frenzy of like two or three weeks, then took another two to edit. It takes plot points from a vampire novel I enjoyed and twists and applies them to a story about Shadow and the Four Swords manga boys. I'm very proud of what I accomplished here, and that it's a complete story! I think it worked out really well. I learned a lot about plotting and handling larger stories, and it helped that I had the half-remembered structure of an existing novel to use as training wheels.

I love the worldbuilding in this story! The premise is that Shadow is an evil soulless vampire from a (rather abusive, not that he sees it) family of the same, but then he gets the ability to walk in the sunshine. He's assigned to go to high school for a while to get a feast for the vampire gala, but meanwhile he's developing a conscience and getting very attached to these human boys. I think I did a good job. I love rereading this, every scene is just so fun! :)

Counterbalance

55k exactly of a stupid LU darks AU. This started life as a series of oneshots and then the plot progressively got more and more convoluted and I love these stupid boys so much. The plot is very much not tight, in contrast to Blood-Sucker's Guide, but I learned a lot about how I write and how I like to plan with this one, too.

The characters are stupid and the plot is just kinda silly and there is both a bathhouse scene AND a spa scene. Legend blows up multiple things, my lovely nasty little Dark Links need smacks and therapy, and Prince has a legitimately emotional moment at the end. I love how it turned out, it's like an ugly little stuffed animal I made and hug until the eyes pop out.

That's five but I would be extremely remiss if I did not also mention something from Shatterproof:

The Incredible Shrinking Chain

About 10k, this is entry 31/68 in my series Shatterproof, which is a close-canon AU in which each of the boys has a different physical disability. This series also plays into my publishing ambitions, because whatever I publish will very likely have some disability representation. I'm rather passionate about it, actually! Shatterproof is close to my heart, and I'm so honored that so many people seem to love it too. :) I need to work on the next entry again!!

This entry in particular is so much fun. In it, the whole Chain sans Four is stuck mouse-sized, and Four has to travel out to Twilight's castle with them to get Dusk to help break the curse. They all have to figure out how to navigate while tiny, and Four pulls some very silly stunts. I love them.

Anyway, there's my list!! I've written a lot over the last like two and a half years, and I'm so so glad that I get to be here and part of this community. The LU fandom as a whole (or at least the parts I've seen!) is so welcoming and positive and I try to give back where I can! I'm going to suggest looking through my bookmarks and ultimate rec list collection to find some new favorites from some very talented authors! :) (oof I need to update the collection soon!! I've been seeing some awesome stuff!)

[stoukadraws]

Happy 3rd Anniversary Chromatale, and Goodnight.

So its about time I say this: I won't be making any content about this AU anymore, so that unfortunately puts it into the discontinued undertale comics category xd

I just really lost the spark I had 2 years ago when making it, so the "little hiatus" that I thought was only going to be a few months turned into more than a year.

I'm sorry to those who were waiting and wanted to see more, but there is another reason why I'm doing this-

It's not gonna be an AU anymore, it's going to be an original story.

I really thought about it for a while and I decided that making it into an original story would give me more creative freedom and I wouldn't have to always stick to one storyline, I wanted to expand the world more as well as the characters, but since its all based on a game with a pretty much solid story, it was hard for me to insert some things that would be out of place or wouldn't make sense.

So, I hope you understand, this AU was truly a learning experience for both my art and my writing since I made it when I was really young and not very experienced, but I'm glad I was able to improve along the way.

Thank you for supporting this AU since the beginning and stuck around!

I plan to make more works surrounding this new story later on, so I look forward to it! And I hope some of you are excited for what's to come. (*^▽^*)

More in-depth explanation + some questions (near the end) :

This is gonna be a bit long so if you really wanna read this whole thing be prepared xd

This whole thing doesn't mean I'm quitting Undertale altogether, I'm still continuing the Strays Au, and I want that AU to be my main Undertale AU now since I've always intended on making it Undertale related and I'm already satisfied with it right now, so I don't intend on making it original or anything.

When I started Chromatale I was still a kid-ish, and I was at the toilet with my phone and idk how it started but I decided to doodle a Sans on my phone and thought "I can make an Undertale AU!".

And so I did. Chromatale back then was reallyyy different, it was a post-genocide story with Sans and Frisk trying to bring everyone back -yeah real original younger me

There was a comic I did on my phone but now its lost in time unfortunately, it went though like 2 rewrites until I decided to make it a full AU with my own story. And so some brainstorming later and the comic you all know today was made!

Again, I was still new to the whole comic making thing and my writing was pretty sloppy, I'm still surprised it got a lot of attention- I was full of passion and really worked my butt off to make each pages, even with school going on (it was online so it wasn't much of a hassle tho) I was determined to finish it and already had a lot of the comic planned.

That is until I felt a bit worn out, my motivation was getting lower until I could barely produce a page, so that's when I decided to put the comic on hiatus, I initially planned for it to only be a few months but then time went on and I still didn't feel motivated to continue it.

During that time I was just doing my own thing, making some OC art and different stories, making another Undertale AU, going back to school and a shit ton of projects to do- I felt like a little weight was lifted from my back, the comic had turned into labor for me and constantly doing updates wasn't very healthy, since during some updates I had to force myself to finish it.

The story was also changing in the middle of it, I had to rewrite chapter 3 since the first version was literally full of "fanservice" that I only noticed when I re-read the chapter a few months later.

I just wasn't satisfied with it, the story that my younger self had in mind didn't fit what I wanted now since I had grown more mature as time went on, the whole AU really taught me what to do and what not to do.

Initially I actually wanted to reboot Chromatale again and focus more on the concepts and solidifying the plot before engaging in a comic, but after some thinking I thought it would be better to transition it into an original story. I really wanted to expand the story more and again gain more creative freedom than being limited to a pretty much complete-ish story.

I wanted to do what I wanted instead of forcing it to fit with the fandom's liking and preference.

Although its going to be an original story some things will sorta be the same but I won't go into too much detail about it.

I won't promise a comic though, mini comics sure but not anything official. Maybe in the far distant future, but I doubt, I still got a lot of other stories I wanna make into comics >>

Now some things I would like to clarify:

"Now that you're discontinuing Chromatale can it be mine?"

-Unfortunately as much as you want to claim it, no. Chromatale still belongs to me. Even if its going to be original now there's still a lot about it during its UTAU days. I still own it, but I don't want to be heavily associated with it. I'd rather have others focus on the new version than the AU version, and I don't want all my other works to be overshadowed by it. I hope you understand.

"Can I still make fanart?"

-Feel free to still make fanart, I won't restrict anyone from still making any. But I'd still like to see fanart of the new version 👀

"Can I still dub the comic?"

-Sure, make sure to still credit me but please specify to viewers that the comic is now discontinued and its become an original story, I don't wanna give the viewers false hope. If your dubbing for fun then go ahead!

Any dub of the comic that has been published has my permission to still be up in public, I won't force anyone to take it down. But please don't use it for any profiting or income.

Now that's been settled, I'm planning on posting some concepts from the AU that I still have since I don't think I'll use some anymore and now that its ok to show now that I discontinued the comic xd

Again, thank you for following me along this journey! See you in the next post ✨

[dasenergi-diary]

For those who have read my book "Rewrite the Stars" an old college friend recently gave me the program from the Performance Art show that was featured in Act II of the book. There is no date, but my guess is this was around 1992. (I was known as Bellflower Jones back then.)

After my divorce I lost everything from high school and college (all the 'zines I wrote and published, etc.), so seeing this is a blast from the past.

Not much has changed since then. As an artist I am still working with the same themes of spirituality, identity, power dynamics, and the human experience - hoping to provoke introspection, evoke emotions, and stimulate dialogue.

I am embarrassed by my "Artist Statement". Ugh. Lisa Libra's is GREAT!!! Mine?? 21 year old me was so full of himself. I thought I was the Performance Art God. Just the fact that I performed last, I was the grand finale. *eye roll* (The same with my self-portrait breaking the boundary of the circle, totally on purpose. Arrogant, conceited, an inflated sense of my own importance.)

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group E Round 2: #E7 vs #E3

#E7: Teenage boys use empathy to solve problems for youkai

#E3: Sending us penguins will NOT fix our terminally ill sister, but thanks anyways

Details and poll under the cut!

#E7: The Morose Mononokean (Fukigen na Mononokean)

Summary:

Without realizing it, a high schooler named Ashiya Hanae shows kindness to a youkai and is subsequently possessed by it on the first day of class. The spirit clings to his shoulder, making him progressively sicker each day. After a week of collapsing on his way into school, Ashiya notices a “Help Wanted” flyer for an exorcism service in the nurse’s office. Desperate, he calls the service, only to find that it is run by his grumpy classmate.

Abeno Haruitsuki prefers youkai to humans, sleeps through class, and is the master of a sentient tea room called the Mononokean, where youkai come for help with their problems. It turns out that they’re mostly benign, and exorcising them to the Underworld is safer for them. Ashiya convinces Abeno to exorcise the spirit possessing him, but Abeno demands he work part-time for the Mononokean as repayment. Abeno’s intimate knowledge of the spirit world and Ashiya’s empathetic nature form a great contrast as they work together.

Propaganda:

The Morose Mononokean is a beautifully written and animated coming-of-age story— with youkai, which can only ever make a piece of media better. The characters, both human and youkai, are fully three-dimensional, and although there isn’t much of an overarching plot in the first season/early manga chapters, the episodic stories contribute to the growth of both Ashiya and Abeno; their juxtaposed methods of problem-solving, and the way they affect and learn from each other’s perspectives as they become closer, are very satisfying both to analyze and to experience on an emotional level. Beyond the writing, the art is outstanding as well. The designs for the youkai characters are frequently adorable, occasionally terrifying, and always quite original, brilliantly incorporating characteristics of existing creatures in novel ways. The occasional visits to the Underworld are always a visual treat, with vibrant colors and a unique animation style painting the backdrop. Both the art and the characters are delightful and moving, and the OP is a banger. As a connoisseur of urban fantasy, Fukigen na Mononokean’s focus on emotion over action has made it my all-time favorite anime in the genre.

Trigger Warnings: None.

#E3: Mawaru Penguindrum

Summary:

For the Takakura family, destiny is an ever-spinning wheel, pointing passionately in their direction with equal tides of joy and sorrow before ticking on to the next wishmaker. With their parents gone, twin brothers Kanba and Shouma live alone with their beloved little sister Himari, whose poor health cannot decline any further.

On the day Himari is given permission to temporarily leave the hospital, her brothers take her out to the aquarium to celebrate, where the family's supposed fate is brought forth with her sudden collapse. However, when Himari is inexplicably revived by a penguin hat from the aquarium's souvenir shop, the hand of fate continues to tick faithfully forward.

With her miraculous recovery, though, comes a cost: there is a new entity within her body, whose condition for keeping her fate at bay sends the boys on a wild goose chase for the mysterious "Penguin Drum." In their search, the boys will have to follow the threads of fate leading from their own shocking past and into the lives of other wishmakers vying for the Penguin Drum, all hoping to land upon their chosen destiny.

Propaganda:

Do you like weird artsy stuff? Do you love magical girls? How about weird, messed up character dynamics? Then boy oh boy, Mawaru Penguindrum is the show for you! The show starts out funny enough, but will quickly spiral into an intense and intricate plot, involving fate, the mafia, magical destiny-rewriting spells, and penguins. Which yes, before you ask, the funny penguins are in fact plot relevant.

Penguindrum isn’t really a show about all that stuff though, even though it is. It’s a very symbolic story, about living under the crushing heel of capitalism, and the quiet poison of the societally expected nuclear family dynamic. I could write an essay on each and every single one of the characters, as they’re all given a lot of depth and time to grow. Every character has their own baggage that, one way or another, ties back to someone else. Everyone in this show is connected in some way shape or form, and that’s really highlighted when everything starts to fall apart. Be warned: this show is NOT a light watch! If you’re the type of person who gets really into deciphering symbolism and creating your own meaning from pieces of media, then this show is for you!

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Flashing Lights/Flickering Images, Gender Identity/Sexuality Discrimination, Guns, Incest, Kidnapping, Nudity, Pedophilia, Rape/Non-Con, Smoking, Suicide, Bomb Threats/Attempts and Terrorisim

It’s a very major plot point. This show is HEAVILY based off the 95 Tokyo Sarin Gas Attacks, so if content like that is triggering to you, tread lightly.

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how they’re presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

[annwhiskers]

6th Birthday

Today is the day I made my main two boys, Rune and Hyde, exactly 6 years ago, in 2018. These are the only two I keep up with with that, since they’re my longest lasting ocs and I like to use it to keep up with my progress every year. So I thought I’d share the drawings I made for them on their birthday every year, including the first drawings I ever made of them and share a bit of their history. And give a brief history of my art journey along with that.

These are their very first sketches, before I figured out their personality, backstory, or even that they’d be a couple. Some key elements are already there, like Rune’s earring (which I’d actually forgotten about for a while until I looked at this sketch again), and Hyde’s scar on his lip (although, not very visible.)

I made this not long after. They were originally part of a cast of characters which was supposed to be more of a found-family thing. I thought they were going to be side characters and that Selene would be the main character. But as the story developed, I grew to love them more and wanted to focus on them. Half this cast is gone now, and the ghost girl is no longer a ghost, simply a human (that’s Raven). This world no longer has mermaids, that’s become entirely its own thing. The purple mermaid stuck around for a while as a human, as more of a regular friend to Hyde in the village, but in the end, I also got rid of her. The only one I kinda miss is the zombie boy, he was cute. But he didn’t serve much of a purpose, other than his existence hinting at Selene’s experiments. I guess he’s been replaced by a rat now, poor boy.

This was their first birthday, when I started getting more comfortable with digital art. I was quite wishy-washy about Rune and Hyde’s dynamic for a while, which one of them would be wearing the pants, sort of. That’s probably why Hyde is so small here. Now, neither are more dominant in the relationship than the other.

I didn’t do much for their second birthday. I didn’t draw much at all that year. Especially not them, because 2020 is the year where I lost interest in them for a while and started developing both Team of Thieves and Merfolk. (More on that another time.)

In 2021, my interest in them still hadn’t come back all the way, but I did still care about them. They look a bit awkward, because I was developing a lot in my style and hadn’t drawn them in this new style before. I did a lot with markers at this time, so I made a marker drawing.

2022 is when my interest in them finally came back. I started reworking the book that I’d already written before, an early version of Please, Go Home, and I started making illustrations for it. At the end of the year, I scrapped all of it and began completely rewriting it into what it is today. This was around the point where about 90% of my art became digital. I still like traditional and I want to do it more often, but digital is just so convenient.

This illustration was originally supposed to be animated for a school project (which is why Hyde’s hands are hidden in his sleeves, much easier to animate), but that ended up falling through. So I made it into a more detailed illustration. A lot of the art I made around this time was school work, so I had to shove my characters in wherever I could.

And here we are today, 2024. They’ve been a consistent presence in my art all this time, and now they have their own book out there, and their sequel is currently being written. These two have been with me for six years and I don’t see them ever leaving.

These long illustrations are made for bookmarks, which I may or may not actually get printed. Which is why they’re so long. Perfect for a phone background, though :)

[curedeity]

HAPPY FANFIC FRIDAY YALL! Since artfight will be starting soon, I'll be taking a break from fanfic friday. I decided what better way to celebrate this new hiatus than to draw one of my own fics!

This scene comes from "Gasher's Dilemma" one of my earliest and most popular beyblade fics. I really think it is the first fic people really knew me by, and the one that stuck with people the most in my early days in the fandom. And I'll be honest, it is a pretty good encapsulation of my image.

Despite what this art might look like, this is not actually ship art. This isn't supposed to be that romantic of a moment at all (though I get that interpretation), and is one of the ones that stuck with me most upon rereading this fic. I'll be summarizing more later, but this scene is supposed to be a show of solidarity from Madoka to Hikaru as they both deal with their identity as women.

"Gasher's Dilemma" is a tough fic for me to look back on. If you haven't read it yet, I'd like to encourage you to, as it stuck out from my others for a reason. It is an in-universe exploration of sexism, and I think still interesting in that regard. At the same time, the fic is (I am knowingly exaggerating here) a flaming piece of shit in dire need of a rewrite or three.

I'll now be explaining the fic, explaining the scene I depicted, and then giving my thoughts and rambles about the fic below the cut. Thank you for humoring my amazing self-indulgence.

"Gasher's Dilemma" is a fic from Madoka's perspective that serves as an in-universe examination of the sexism in beyblade. It is structured through a scene of Madoka with each girl in the series, up to Sophie. The girls will pass off advice to one another, or rant about their own treatment and the emotions that's causing them. This structure is pretty important, because it centers the focus on all the girls, allowing for a narrative of community and solidarity to shine through. It deals with a lot of themes, but specifically the feeling that you are not doing enough to break stereotypes, that you are the problem, that you are only this way because an outside oppression has shaped you to be so.

The scene depicted here is from after Madoka and Lera talk. Lera is the first girl Madoka encounters in the fic to be more confident about her place as a woman. Lera calls out the sexism she experiences, showing she knows it is someone else's fault, not her own. She encourages Madoka to ignore it, and continue her passions confidently. This leads Madoka to remember Hikaru, who is so scared she is letting people down by stepping away from blading, and encourage her to stop worrying about others thoughts and expectations. She will never be good enough to change the mind of a sexist, so she should only focus on being happy as herself.

It's an important show of solidarity, that even as Madoka is finding herself more and more unsure, she reaches out to the women she knows to share their words, and try to improve together. It is about telling people what you need to hear, and also genuinely wanting the best for them.

Its an emotion that really sticks with me when leaving this fic, as it reminds me of the good experiences that inspired this fic.

"Gasher's Dilemma" is one of the more specifically inspired fics from my own life that I've ever written. At the time of writing this, I was thinking back on my high school gym class. It was only for a semester, but it really destroyed my self-esteem as a woman in a way nothing had before (and I did martial arts throughout all my years in school, played basketball in elementary, and never had a problem with gym).

At first, the gym class was normal, this was during the sports that could be considered more feminine. But then we switched to more physical games like soccer, and it all changed. We would start class by getting into teams, and there would be 2 girl teams, and 3 boy teams. Then, the gym teacher would pair up the three boy teams and the 2 girl teams, and set the girl teams against each other for the entire class period, not rotating us out.

What was the worst thing is he made us agree to it each time. He asked us and we always agreed that we were fine just going against each other. I always agreed.

It made me feel like shit, to tacitly admit i "wasnt good enough" to go against the boys because of my gender. Especially when i didn't believe that at all. I had never particularly struggled going against boys, not anymore than against girls. But as class went on, I found myself believing it a bit more, and hating myself for that.

It created a pretty bad environment too, a lot of girls were ticked off at the situation, and occasionally would mutter about blaming others. The boys, many of whom I'd known for years and many who I'd never had problems with, also started trusting us less. Whenever gym was brought up, the girls would always have a gendered issue to complain about, normally even a bit tiredly and anxiously, like we didn't even fully comprehend the situation yet.

But even then, we all still stuck together. I had many friends who sympathized with what was going on, and would commiserate, even if we were still working out. We would encourage each other, or just be there through the situation. It's that solidarity that is key in the structure of this fic, and this drawing.

I think it was these clearly personal feelings I was working through in this fic that resonated with people. It's why, even now, I'd still encourage people to read it. I know it connected with people, and I'm glad.

The fic is a mess though.

I reread it every so often, and am struck by how lazy my style is in this fic. The scenes are far too short, and the character work is still a bit wonky because i havent written these characters much. The narration is bland and there is so much work to be done on it. I critique this so much because I know I am a writer who could do better, who could execute this idea better.

Not to mention, there are elements thematically in the fic I'd change. While I've come to the realization having a narrow focus would still help, my gender commentary is pretty lacking. It doesn't really bring trans realities into the picture, and understanding just how constructed gender is makes for a better social commentary. It doesn't comment on the realities of race at all. It's, overall, a critique that could still use some work.

I'd also want to add Selen and Motti in. They weren't there because I didn't know how to add them initially. Both of them stick out even among the small cast of girls. The Garcias have so much to critique in their portrayal, and Motti is almost a joke character. I would've struggled to integrate both originally, but now I have thorough ideas of how they'd lend themselves to Madoka's journey and the themes of this fic.

Basically, it's a fic I really want to rewrite someday, because the idea still speaks to me after all this time. This is a fic and a subject that means a lot to me, and maybe I should return and reexplore these memories. But if any fic deserved to be the first fic of my own I drew for fanfic friday, it would be this motherfucker.

[journalsouppe]

hi! i just found your blog recently so apologies if you've already answered this, but (if you remember) how did you get into journalling?

Hi no worries! I don’t think I’ve answered this before!

The short answer is that back in 2021 I realized I had a super unique opportunity to record all my experiences becoming a Zelda fan for the first time as I had not consumed anything Zelda my entire life. I got a small pack of pens and washi tape and a themed journal and a Zelda sticker book and just had so much fun that I’ve expanded! I now have all types of stickers, post it notes, stamps, washi, etc that I’ve collected over the years as well as starting a new journal for all video games I play! It’s been a great outlet for me to not only write but understand design choices and practice freehand lettering, and to support all my favorite artists who sell stickers. It’s been such a fulfilling hobby I genuinely recommend it to anyone who’s interested.

The long answer is below as well as tips to get started! (Sorry it got pretty long fdslijf)

So part of it was that for a long time I’ve always wanted to get into journaling but nothing would stick: I tried daily aesthetic bullet journaling but got burnt out, I tried journaling things retaliated to exercise but it wasn’t as creative as I wanted it to be, etc. I even used to rewrite all my notes in college to make them look nicer and more legible (and to also review all the notes we took in class) but that was just homework and not stress relieving.

Then back in 2021, I was going through a some major life events during my senior year of college and had to step back from doing a lot of things I normally would, especially social things. So I ended up getting back into video games which is smth I hadn’t had the time to do since…. Junior year of high school I think (With animal crossing being the exception bc of course). I always wanted to get into Ocarina of Time so I played that and Majora’s mask (more specifically I watched someone play them ^^;) and realized I had the golden opportunity to record my experience getting into the Zelda community and games as an adult since I had never consumed anything Zelda previously. I believe I started journaling when I was almost done playing (I did actually play this time) breath of the wild so my first true live reaction spread was a link between worlds. And it was so fun writing down all my commentary, I felt like my own personal let’s play YouTube channel where I could look back at all my reactions and thoughts to games.

I wanted the journal to be special so I got myself a new pack of pens, a journal that’s themed to Zelda (it ended up being a shitty journal fdkshlfd but I still love it), an “official” sticker activity book based on all the official art from the 3d Zelda games, and some cool tone washi tape that had gold accents (aka green blue and purple designed tape). And I just fell in love with journaling. I discovered zines around that time so I ended up collecting more and more stickers and stationary to put in my journals and then I wanted to play more games than just Zelda so I got another journal to continue writing there! I even have new journals in the future specifically themed to final fantasy and castlevania to start when I finish Zelda. I also decided I love journaling so much that I plan to open up a shop to sell journaling stickers and eventually book bind my own journals. It’s still a work in progress but that’s just how much I fell in love with my own style of journaling.

It wasn’t until I played the great ace attorney (DGS) where I really appreciated these spreads as I was losing my shit through live reaction entries. I talked about that spread online and my first dgs mutual ever encouraged me to post it… and I had fun doing that so I made this side blog and kept posting. I’m shocked at how many people like my spreads! I prioritize them being for me first but I will do extra things to make them nicer for yall such as not getting sloppy with my hand writing, taking nice photos, and typing up all my words so that they’re more accessible to read. It’s been such a fun journey I can’t recommend getting into journaling enough. You don’t have to even post them online like I do.

If you’re ever interested in journaling, my advice is to do what YOU want to journal. You don’t need to start out with buying super fancy materials or anything, I got a couple of materials since i knew that I wanted to invest in this journal but you can use any pen or sharpie you have at home and just write. You could even draw images instead of using stickers or use highlighters and markers you’ve collected overtime from school to add that pop of color by highlighting words that speak out to you. If you have a printer, you could even print out images (not fanart!!) from the games you play, my oracle of seasons and oracle of ages spreads have printed and hand cut out paper of the sprites from the game.

Don’t watch any aesthetic ‘here’s my daily bullet journal spread’ videos, you’ll get intimidated and if you try it you’ll be burnt out. Journal at your own pace, I dedicate a day once a month to set up like 4 spreads so that whenever I play games I can just jot down my thoughts and keep my journal just next to me when I play. I also don’t force myself to play games all the time so it’s nice having this nice pace to journal when I want.

Find a topic you’re interested in, and just write about it! Could be games, movies, bugs, theme parks, shoelaces, literally anything. Anything that’s a YouTube video can be transformed into journal spread. Find a journal that you have at home or if you want to splurge a little find one that speaks to you in a store! My only advice is that you want the journal to have thicker paper so that none of your materials bleed (make a test page at the back to make sure what bleed and what doesn’t before you start!) and to have strong binding. My Zelda journal has thin paper and a glue binding and omfg I’m stressed about her exploding.

I don’t want this to get crazy long but you’re more than welcome to dm me or my main blog PumpkinSouppe if you have any more questions too! Or feel free to send more anons here I don’t mind! The world of journaling is such a great place where you decide how the world is structured and how you want to live in it, so don’t feel pressured to do something that you know will exhaust or drain you. Tysm for the ask!! ^_^ sorry this got so long fhdljsf

[theprincelyking]

Flytrap (A HGS Rewrite/Ventfic)

(WARNING: This fic will not be for the faint of heart. It starts off light, but it's going to get VERY dark. It is a mixture of high violence, gore, bodyhorror in my regular (And private) Vent Arts, and my own personal experiences with Grooming, CSA, Manipulation. I know, weird combination. But this has been stewing for years and I just...I need to get this off my chest) When Snapdragon arrives at the most well respected school in Lyngarth and even Scarborough, "High Guardian Academy", Snap is faced with a lot of things to experience in a brand new and terrifying life at the magical academy. Strength, love, wits, and most of all, identity are what Snapdragon seeks. There are many chances to understand what life has to offer.

But not everyone wants to help Snapdragon, HE wants to take control of the students, then the school...And he wants to control Snapdragon too. Will Snap and co. be able to stop him before it's too late? Only Luna knows. (This is something I've been working on for a while and I've decided to start posting it so I can get it out of the way...But to also speak about things I've experienced and to make something with these characters

[strangerays]

THIS JUNE: AUGUST WRAP-UP

hello!! this is my first update with the new story. if you're unfamiliar with my book project This June, it is a rewrite and fourth draft of a story I've posted about semi-frequently for the last 3 years called Nothing in Particular and Everything. recently, i aged up the characters and reworked the story with some more mature themes. the characters are in college, and so they face the challenges of growing up, being in relationships, setting boundaries, jealousy, and mental health.

this is the story of ray and judith and the summer that almost tore their friends apart. an arsonist put ray's life and mental health in jeopardy - judith thinks she can find them. with an old, dusty camera and a clear june sky, the girls set out to explore a destroyed landmark in their seaside town. summer in point blink never seemed more boring.

you can read more about the story and meet the characters here!

monthly updates

draft four word count: 15,093

on august first, i decided i still wanted to write this book! however, i'd been stuck for so long writing about high school kids that.. i didn't relate to them anymore. i'm in my second year of college and i needed somewhere to inject my experiences. i needed someone to relate to a little bit more than seventeen year old ray. so, i kept the exact same plot and characters but wrote about them as if a lot of time had passed! i even aged up their relationships and wrote them the way i always imagined they would pan out! luckily, I was able to keep chapter one pretty much exactly the same. even though the characters are now college students, i was still able to use the flashback from when they were seniors in high school. (you'll see that I inserted it in this update)

i finished writing chapters one and two!

i've known these characters for a long time, so i didn't think that they would be difficult to write (i was wrong!!) they are very hard to write. judith especially has been really hard to write because her experiences with her family are so like my own. i was in a hurry to finish writing the first draft of chapter one, so i will definitely have to edit the way i painted her character. anyway, judith has always been the hardest for me to portray, because her story just gets more and more complex with every draft.

lonan has a crazy new side quest!!! i love writing with lonan. he is my good time boy. while ray is struggling at home with depression, he is (sort of) living it up in the city with his boyfriend (situationship) and struggling to make art without feeling guilty about it. he's ok though.

i deleted two old characters and replaced them with madison and oliver. these two play pretty much the exact same role except their friendship with ray is a lot more challenging, while at the same supportive! i think this will be a great opportunity to write a more interesting resolution at the end of the book when it comes to tying up character relationships. they have a very positive force in the book :)

the romance!!!! this book is really sapphic, anyone could guess. i can't say much about it yet but i am so excited about the end of this book just. agh. mental health! friends! hugs! <3

overall, the book is probably going to be around the same length with longer chapters that function more like short stories.

september goals

complete chapter 3

start editing chapter 2

work on character exploration (particularly with judith, utilize creative writing class/poetry)

i've been waaay more confident in my writing capabilities, but not so much the plot. i often struggle to believe that my book is actually interesting, so I hope to improve my confidence.

Excerpts

I was a firm believer that the best art is created when the artist is lonely, angry, or depressed.             The summer my best friend caught his train out of Point Blink, I was surprised to find that I became none of these things. In the weeks before he left for college, we buried a time capsule in his backyard and painted his bedroom walls a calm cerulean. We snuck out of our houses at nighttime to swim in the ocean and built a dark room. My lips always tasted of sunscreen. All my most colorful memories in Point Blink were unplanned in the beginning.             Pine trees crested Point Blink like a wreath, nestled into the bluffs that lifted town up to the sun. Tide pools congested with cigarettes spotted the beach, made pink in the sunlight. Fiddler and horseshoe crabs scuttled across the warm sand. The air was hot with gossip loud as cicada screams. Brackish waves spat salt and sailboats into the air. A man called out, “Stay cool!” over the toll of a bell. Peanut oil dripped from hot dog buns. Somewhere, Fleetwood Mac played on a radio.             Fleeting moments of a closing summer – and the tide receded.             In the last week of August, I did everything possible to avoid post-vacation blues. I rode my bike along Sugarfell’s gravel roads with no destination, wore my darkest pair of sunglasses to people-watch, and fed salami to the minnows the darted around the cusps of tide pools. Usually, I sat still for so long that my elbows turned a deep shade of red and the blood in my toes buzzed. But I was tired of John Mulaney and headaches.             Vacationers checked in and out. The convincing pull of waves at the sand and the familiar scrape of boats against the docks did not calm me down as they once had.                    Earlier that June, I graduated from high school. This was both thrilling and terrifying. In some ways, I had everything I wanted. In others, I was saying goodbye to everything I’d worked so hard for. I was one of the top photography students in my year. I’d finally learned how to drive. I got decent grades. I’d even had my first kiss.             I should have been happy; but I wasn’t even proud. At least – it didn’t feel how it was supposed to feel. No matter what I did, no matter how many parties I went to or late nights I pulled, none of it prepared me for the day my best friend left Point Blink. My vision waxed and waned as he rambled about his classes, apartment, and new eccentric roommate. Something like jealousy – but not so ugly as that – had made a place for itself in the hollowest part of my chest.

chapter one, "PAST TENSE"

Slowly, I folded the jacket and set it between us. “Let’s run away.”             As if I’d suggested we throw ourselves from a dry cliff, Lonan smiled a bemused smile. Freckles frowned across the bridge of his sharp nose. “Are you asking me to kidnap you?”             “You’ll be gentle, you won’t murder me.”             “What’ll we do for food?”             I turned my hands out, grubby from sand and dirt. “I am an excellent thief.”             “At the innocence of French fries.” He wasn’t convinced. “I hope you’re aware what a horrible plan this is – you've schemed it in the last twenty-five seconds.”             “I am not scheming anything.” I eyed him through my knotty pumpkin locks, on the fritz in August heat. “We can change our names. I’ll sleep on the floor. Find a job. Even cook and clean.”             Lonan covered his mouth and laughed softly. “This is not as convincing an argument as you think it sounds.”             “Oh, come on! You need someone to open jars of peanut butter for you.”             “Ray,” Lonan cautioned. He turned his full body towards me. Quite unfortunately, in that moment, reality became much clearer, and I realized how senseless I was being. “This is a daydream. You can’t move away – you have to stay here. You can’t put your entire life on hold for one person.”             For a second, I opened and closed my mouth like a fish. “You sound like my dad,” I finally groaned, rubbing at my temples.             Lonan winced. “We can’t live like degenerates.”             Sometimes, in a very fond sort of way, Lonan really annoyed me. He said exactly what was on his mind when it mattered most. In our chaotic friend group, he was oftentimes the voice of reason. Oftentimes, this was a great thing. The previous summer, he had talked me down from piercing my nose. I was quite a baby when it came to literally any amount of pain, and he knew this well.             “And,” he said, singing with boyish enthusiasm, “you’re going to work hard so you can become an even better photographer than me.”             “No one is better than you.”             “That’s absurd.” But he was smiling. “No matter what you think of me, you have to stay here. You have talent – don’t waste it on me.”             His eyes focused on something distant. I followed his gaze, but found nothing.             “Anyways, as soon as you leave, you’ll miss Point Blink and want to come back.”             I didn’t miss a beat. “Maybe I like Point Blink more when you’re home.” Lonan rubbed his neck, his face all daylily. I tried to focus on the melodic thrill of the waves, but doubt lapped up the walls of my head in little tsunamis. Sometimes, I think that, if I didn’t put so much effort into my friendships, I might not be so angry all the time.

chapter one, "PAST TENSE"

“You taught me to love everything I love, and I love it all because of you.” I nudged his knee with mine. “You’re the reason photography means so much to me. Don’t you know that?”             Lonan didn’t say anything in response to any of this, just pressed his lips together and bobbed his head. Static waves pervaded the silence that stretched between us. Neither of us were particularly skilled with eye contact.             Photography was our thing. I’d never found the same relief in it without him. I’d been obsessed with it when I met him in our freshman year of high school. There were always drawings on his hands that he’d done in purple pen. He carried around a notebook filled with the most amazing drawings I’d ever seen.  Stories he was writing. Projects he was working on. By the end of the day, the sides of his hands were gray with graphite.             I wanted to be just like him; I didn’t want to find out what kind of person I would become when he was gone.             “You never told me any of that,” he mumbled. His voice sounded like he had been standing in the rain for hours.             The familiar discomfort that came along when people were aware of how much I depended on them made me bite my upper lip. I might as well have just given Lonan a day-pass to my existential crises and solopsitisms. “Well people don’t normally get this sentimental in real life,” I laughed.             “Maybe I’ll change my mind,” he said. It was like he hadn’t even heard me. “This might not work. I mean, there aren’t many career options in fine arts, so…”             “You shouldn’t doubt yourself so much,” I interrupted.             “It’s a really competitive field—"             “For fuck’s sake, Lonan,” I said. “Stop.”             He blinked at me, and we just stared at each other. I exhaled and let my body slump into his.             “Sorry,” I said. “You have to do this. You’ve worked way too hard to give up now or change your mind because you’re scared. You shouldn’t be scared because you’re an excellent person. We might not be on the exact same paths, but we can’t let that stop us.”             This was the right thing to do.             “You have good ideas,” I said. “Great ones. Besides, you have lots of exploring to do. Classes to take. New foods to try.” I deepened my voice. “Love to be found.”             Flustered, Lonan squirmed away from me. “Maybe in a houseplant.”             “Well,” I laughed, “love is all the same, isn’t it?”             “Yeah…”             We were quiet.             “Maybe there’s another way,” Lonan’s quavering voice searched. “Maybe I’ll change my mind.”             Dark sleep circled his eyes. With alarm, I realized that his eyes glistened with tears. To hide this, he drew his legs to his chest. I caught his shoulder, rested my chin on his head, and stared worriedly into the horizon, stormy blue like his eyes. His hair smelled like the little confections Katherine sold at Mothouse.             Regret pummeled my chest as I whispered, “You won’t.”             I knew Lonan would never give up, because he was a rebel and I was quiet. He was my focal point. Point Blink was a gauge built on magenta sea glass – and I had a third eye, primal in the growing.             Lonan trembled. I buried my chin in his hair. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his wrists. They shone green whenever his emotions were on high, a trait he’d inherited from his mom, who had heterochromia.             “I’m sorry, Ray,” he said, tears plipping from his nose.             I pulled him back in and hugged him tighter, until I felt his warm breath snuffling into my shirt. “For what?” I asked, but he either didn’t hear me, or had nothing left to say.

chapter one, "PAST TENSE"

My body felt like it was on fire but in a good way, sort of like how I imagined it might feel to sky dive or swim with sharks. Sunlight flushed my bare shoulders and turned my cheeks pink as nectarines. The sun sat enthroned in the sky, following me as I sped past Butternut Brooke on my bike, sand lifting from the sticky sidewalk. Clouds spilled across the sky the same way sugar spills across a table, and wind swept long, pumpkin-blonde roots over my shoulders. Turtles slipped under the glassy surface. Chirruping frogs soon faded to the chiming arrival of boats at the docks and the chaos of tourists. I was so close to seeing my best friends again that I barely noticed the girl with the blue hat crossing the road. I swerved past her as though she were a waterfowl, my camera swinging from my neck. She shouted something at me, but I was going too fast to hear it.             This June was the first time my friends would all be together since graduating high school. An entire year had passed since we split and decided to go to three different colleges. I had spent the entire year completely alone, with only a few houseplants on our windowsill that Dad and I brought back to life as company. Lonan and Oliver had not even visited for Christmas.             Summer had finally arrived. For the first time in eight months, I wasn’t thinking about writing essays. There was nothing to do; there was everything to do. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this excited about anything.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

For all the chill that frightened most people away, I adored autumn like a friend come to visit. Death hung in the air – just above our heads, barely tangible. Wine-red leaves quivered like tattered coats on maples. Admired in caramel apples and haystacks. Pumpkin patches and haunted mazes. It was the only time of year I found I could be truly comfortable, knowing that, whatever came after, I had control of all that had already happened. It was June - strong waves and wild parties. I had to be ready for anything.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

[Lonan] used to recoil at the thought of living with little more than a houseplant. When he met Vick, though, he returned to Point Blink smiling. Suddenly, he was filled with stories from the city as if he’d lived there for years. Before he became a tattoo artist, Vick was halfway through a psychology degree. It was unclear exactly how the two of them had met, but I suspected it had something to do with the fact that Vick needed money from the extra room he was renting to Lonan. He was taking a gap year. His new hobby was flirting with Lonan. The boys shared a two-bedroom apartment with a doggish tabby particularly fond of cupboards. Vick filled the kitchen – wide enough for one person to make a toaster waffle – with Lonan’s plants. He did their laundry and rented movies. He taught Lonan to throw spaghetti on the wall. He had a credit score and a flare for interior design, which were two things Lonan couldn’t stand talking about. He shopped at thrift stores like he shopped for groceries: the apartment was all ornate rugs and vintage mirrors, out-of-print books and even a tuned piano neither of them knew how to play. The walls were all amber and teal. When Vick was bored, he invited people over. He hadn’t drunk proper milk since the seventh grade, which was rubbing off on Lonan. Each night, they ate strawberry oat milk ice cream while Vick helped Lonan study for exams. Vick used words like “litigious” and “jargon”. His friends liked Lonan because it gave him something to take care of. I thought Vick was pretentious as shit, but I was trying not to judge people based on the things they owned anymore. Also, Lonan needed someone who would take him to aquariums and show him how to use the subway. Not long after Lonan moved in, the second bedroom became an art studio, and the cat slept between the boys each night. Sometimes, I wondered why Lonan would ever come home, to Point Blink. After all, he had a boyfriend and a regular coffee order. He was probably busy denying drugs at parties.              My best friend felt so out of reach sometimes. Like I was a whale, floating leagues above my pod.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

Point Blink wasn’t built for so much love at once, but it received it anyway – shop doors stayed open, ice cream cones ran low, sunscreen was lathered on thick, the water was crowded, and taut voices in a hurry filled the humid air. People ran around the tall mermaid fountain in their bathing suits. Boat horns blared their call over the clamor of car traffic. The shops that made up the center of town breathed with life, expanding wider and wider as more tourists crowded the doorways. A lot of people I knew who lived in Point Blink – like Dad – were annoyed by the tourists we got every summer, but they didn’t bother me in the slightest. Really, they just reminded me of how loved my town was. How I was a part of something. Every summer felt the same – just as exciting and opportunistic as the last. Fluttery excitement started in my feet and spread to every inch of my body. Last summer, we’d celebrated my nineteenth birthday in the park. This year, I’d be twenty years old. Already, I tasted melting buttercream frosting and tart lemonade on the back of my tongue. I knew all good things ended, but it was June – I could stay perfect for a little while.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

Mothouse was all passion: carefully crafted wood and warm colors. Katherine and her sister – Lonan’s mom – opened the coffeehouse with their father when they were just teenagers. Summer came and went with its thunderstorms and left behind a quiet morning rush, smiles passed between hands made warm by cappuccinos and two old friends sharing a table all afternoon. It was the sort of place you wanted to spend hours in, chatting with friends or writing a book.             Twinkling white lights adorned the pastry case. Behind the glass were fresh scones laced with sugar, chocolate chip cookies that gooed when bitten, crumbly, golden blueberry muffins, sliced key lime pie, cupcakes that were mostly buttercream frosting, tarts stuffed with berries, plump cheesecakes, and chunky walnut brownies.             Lonan’s mural spanned the entire wall behind the pastry case. The behemoth had cost him all his senior year. I helped him every weekend – not that I was anywhere near as good as he was with paint. When he added his mark to his family’s business, he made sure it was something that would follow him: a study of the sea outside of Mothouse, fond silhouettes of people gathered by the foamy waves. The waves were made from indigo and lilac; the sand was blue. Rather than a sunset, the entire sky was overcast yellow, the way it always was after a long and heavy thunderstorm.             Walking past the painting, I felt an all too familiar soft pang of longing. It was a permanent look into the way Lonan saw Point Blink, and of what he’d left behind.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

I missed Lonan so much that it hurt. When he returned to Point Blink, everything would go back to the same as it had been, when the four of us did everything together.             I was so busy imagining this that I missed it when Oliver walked through the door. Instead, a loud laugh so unlike Madison jolted me upright. By the time my eyes found them, Oliver was already hugging her so tightly that I knew nothing could hurt her for the rest of the summer. He was way taller than she was, so her face was pressed snug against his chest. They hit each other with such a force that they seemed not to breathe for several moments. And they staggered that way as I watched, giddiness rampant as a rabbit kicking around in my own chest.             Oliver looked different, but in a good way. Madison’s hair was as long as her elbows, but he had cut his black hair shorter. Instead of the unruly mess it had been throughout high school, his black hair lay straight, closely cropped to his head. He was wearing an oversized hoodie and a larger pair of clear glasses. If it were even possible, everything about him was louder, and more contained at the same time.             Madison and Lonan were friends long before the rest of our friend group had come together. When they were just seven, Kath attended a yoga class with Madison’s mother, and they often met at Mothouse for coffee afterwards. Because daycare was expensive, Lonan and Madison became quick friends – which was always the way childhood friendships began, out of chance and unreasonable fondness.             When high school started, I met Lonan through photography class. Eventually, I was invited to birthday parties and nights at the movie theater. As the three of us started to hang out more and more, it became apparent that we were inseparable. Our own fortress of impenetrable friendship. When Oliver came along later that year, Madison had turned her nose up at him as though he were a plate of escargot. He played keys in the band; Madison played drums. He was passionate and excited in a way that made you always want to be around him. Though, Madison saw this as a challenge. But as Lonan and I formed our own bond over photography, so did Madison with Oliver – over seemingly nothing at all. They just talked. A lot, about everything. Sometimes, until two in the morning. They were people who went together simply because they got along, and they made each other’s lives far easier than if they had been apart. They fit together more like broken pieces than a puzzle.             Lonan and I knew far before they did that they’d end up together. I remember one particular day when we’d all gone out to eat gelato at the shop down the street from the post office. Lonan and I sat on one side of the bench; Madison and Oliver sat on the other. As he spooned creamy vanilla into his mouth, Lonan snuck knowing smiles to me. One month later, Madison and Oliver were a thing, and they had been ever since.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

I pedaled through the sand until the long-familiar whisper of the waves splashed over my tires. The shoreline was cool where sea spit sprayed in the air, turning my cheeks red and ruddy. People used to strip naked and slink into the water here, swim out to the far shore sparse with naked trees and blanketed in purple fog. In elementary school, we sailed there in a rowboat to turn over rocks for salamanders. Now the grass is covered with red Solo cups, the trees strung with underwear, the sand clogged with wigs of seaweed. Dad used to take me on adventures here; and I remember every single one of them. We packed pepperoni and salami in plastic, chilled cans of Pepsi inside a red cooler, and crammed blankets into the backseat of the car with me. He patted my childish, bruised knees, told me I looked like a pearl tucked away in there. The sea, violent and knowing as it romped into the cliff face, opened its great jaws wide as he stomped through the oil-like water, holding me above his waist. I kicked my legs, baby fat jiggling inside his calloused hands, murmuring songs in my little voice. I danced over the murky seaweed beds, pretended I was the Sugarplum Queen or a swan glistening with cool sweat. I created monsters to dive deep and lurk beneath me. I made myself a princess among them, untouchable. Sunlight marbled across the black sea and deepened my cheeks to rose. Unafraid of what lurked beyond verdant patches of lily flowers, I squished cold sand between my toes, rolled onto my back, floated until I was invisible from the shore, sunlight settling deep in my bones. This part of the beach was empty and quiet, far too gunky for anyone to swim; and this was exactly why I loved it.             I was alone again. But it didn’t feel alone.             This was the spot where Lonan and I met.             It had been raining – the end of February always brought rain like the beach was stuck inside of a snow globe, blowing up mist that mussed my hair and tickled my arms. Clouds thick as sheets wrapped Point Blink in an indigo blanket. Overnight, the tides had surged, digging up scallops and sea glass. The beach was totally silent, except for a single boat bell tolling its loneliness. As I was walking on the beach with a plastic bucket, I noticed a pair of footprints appear beside mine, along with those of a dog. I combed my wet hair back with my fingers and narrowed my eyes. At the end of the beach where the sand gave way to Sugarfell flickered a figure, soft at the edges like he was hardly there at all. A boy watched his dog run in circles around him. He tipped his head back in laughter each time the dog barked. Over the waves, I couldn’t hear anything he said, but I immediately knew this was Lonan because of the camera hung over his chest and the flattened curls underneath his hood. We both wore rain jackets. Mine was yellow and his was blue. We were fourteen.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

“You know, I see you working all the time at school, and your stuff is really cool,” I said.             Lonan looked up at me, rolling his shoulders a bit. If this was the only time I’d ever get to tell him, it had to be now.             “Like,” I continued, “it seems like you put so much time into stuff, and I think that’s really special. I wish… I wish I could do that. Everything you do is really cool, and it’s just really fun to watch you do it. Sometimes I just wonder about what you keep in your sketchbooks and if you’re ever gonna show anyone what you’re working on, because, in my opinion, that sort of stuff deserves to be loved. You’re sort of the coolest person in our photography class, honestly.”             Lonan was looking at me a bit like I’d just told him I planned on robbing the bank.             “Sorry,” I added. “Is that weird to say?”             He cleared his throat. “I don’t think so – I think it’s really sweet.”             My face was red from the rain flurrying across the water, but I knew it was this too – finally talking to someone I looked up to so much. I shuffled my feet in the sand. “I’d love to know what you’re working on. If you wanted to show me.”             Lonan took a deep breath. “I’ve never really shown anyone my art before.”             “You should.”

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

It scared me to think that my friends and I might someday drift apart. Maybe it had already begun to happen. If I was being honest, I put a lot more thought into this than I did actually being excited that my friends were all going to be in home again. I knew that, when Lonan’s train arrived, we’d spend loads of time together. My life was perfect – I had nothing to worry about.             I just needed to get out of my head.             Past a crumbling stone wall ran a thin river, ringed with little brown mushrooms. A mossy bridge curved like a heart over the mottled water. I paused there and ran my fingertips over the velvety wood, poking every jagged splinter. Leaning forward, I put my chin on my hands so I could see my reflection on the green surface. A crayfish scuttled along the mirky bottom, and I was reminded of the time Oliver had caught one with his bare hands. Lonan had almost fallen in the water that day, and Madison caught him by the back of his shirt. All of the pictures I’d taken that day were still hanging beside my bookshelf in my bedroom. Still tracing the outline of the crayfish with narrowed eyes, I lifted my camera from my chest and took a photo. I hadn’t eaten much yet, so my fingers were shaking. So badly I wished my friends were with me.             I crossed the bridge. The dark wood ahead shed a glow of purple.             Sometimes I wondered what my life might be like if my friends had never left. Sometimes it felt like I only liked myself when we were at a party or sharing a secret. Sometimes it seemed like when Madison and Oliver started dating, they turned into completely different people. Sometimes I thought Lonan was sad when we were together. Sometimes, I thought I should talk to him about that.             I didn’t tell anyone that, sometimes, I wasn’t sure if I liked college at all. I didn’t tell anyone that I’d had trouble sleeping for the past year. I didn’t tell them that last week I’d lost my appetite almost completely. I couldn’t explain why my chest felt so full of water. I wanted to tell them. There was nobody else I would have rather talked to. But everyone – my friends, Dad, Kath – felt so far away. There is a cliff at the edge of Point Blink where kids twist into the air and throw dust to the vortexing waves; youth dash past eroded caves filled with bird nests that fly by like slots in a mausoleum. A lighthouse with a jammed bell leers over the expanse of heat lightning reflections. Metal gargles against stone in storm weather, warning us all of childish dares. I was a lighthouse: lived in by sailors, travelers, and strangers; pale stone tall and strong against a maelstrom of salt and rock. Moon shells speckled my base, crushed or buried. Clouds passed over the moon, and I opened my eye to cast sickly yellow light over the waves as they smoothed the footprints of my friends, and of Dad, and of me. Point Blink has stood for decades, but I will stand alone for many more, flickering against all the stars, waiting for those I love to return to harbor.

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

Through the trees and over the static of the waves, something groaned. Like the low whine of a fox or the broken call of a sea bird. But I knew it wasn’t either of those things. It occurred to me then that just because I felt alone, didn’t mean I was alone. The air around me thickened with humidity, and something like fear. I leaned forward slightly. Only my chest rose and fell with purposeful breaths. The sound called out again. Only this time, it was louder. It sounded like something might have been moving around out there. Trying to escape. Claw. Cloy. Gooseflesh rose on my legs. I stiffened trying to stop it. If Lonan were with me, we would have explored. I would have convinced him to wander around with me for hours, and he would have. We would have gotten into trouble for getting home so late, but it would have been worth it. We’d bring home some buried, broken bottle or colorful piece of sea glass and we’d remember the day forever. Whereas Lonan calculated every decision carefully, I never wanted to sit still. I always wanted to do more. Without him, I felt as though I’d lost that part of myself. I wanted it back. In that moment, I decided I had spent enough of the last year waiting for everything to be perfect. This time in Sugarfell belonged to me. Gently, I reached into the barbed brush and pulled apart the branches, enough so I could see the glossy blue of the waves. A field fell over the bluffs like a waterfall and rolled into the ocean. The grass was tall and thick with colorful weeds. All of it was dead, like this mysterious part of the woods hadn’t felt a human’s touch in years. Bugs rose from the yellowed ground, flitting over flowers. The air here was dry yet clear, forcing me to take a deep breath, to smell the salt blowing in from the water.  This view of the ocean was without sailboats or jet-skis. I couldn’t hear any tourists. Interrupting the canvas of the sky stood a tower, silhouetted in gold by the sun. The crows I’d seen in the forest were here too, hopping over the rusty ladder at my feet. I tipped my head back. The tower was taller even than most of the trees in Sugarfell. It seemed to sway in its height. It blocked out the sun and made me shiver in its shadow. Tendrils of ivy hung from the crisscross frame. At the top, there was a structure with a door. Planks from the stairs were missing in places, hanging in the overgrown vines. Dust trickled in the sunlight between their gaps. This must have been where the noise was coming from. Like the tower had been calling out to me. A pit opened in my stomach. I’d grown up in Point Blink, yet it was the first time I’d ever seen a tower like this one. I’d looked out of all the tourist binoculars from the tallest bluffs and I’d never seen this tower. The windows on the structure were like eyes, widening in surprise. How far from town had I wandered?

chapter two, "THIS JUNE"

“I really like it here,” Judith said. “You’re lucky to have grown up in a place as perfect as this.” “It’s not always summer,” I told her. “I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe I’d feel differently if I had someone to talk to." In the moment I looked up from my hands to realize that she was talking about me, there was a horrible groan from underneath us, entirely unhuman – the sound a dying machine makes when it is unable to hold itself up any longer. The stairway shrugged and softened. I held on tight to the railing, peeling wood splintering my skin as I slid down, down, down.

            Slowly, then all at once, I became aware of a tinny smell. The unmistakable smell of burning metal. I didn’t have time to check and see if Judith was still behind me before she crashed into me. Lonan came to me all at once: we were dissolved into black. I tried running to the opposite side of the fire tower, but then there was no ground beneath me. We must not have been that far up, because it didn’t take long for the rest of the tower to collapse beneath us. There was something soft underneath me – my bag or Judith's arm. I could not see the sky – then light exploded from the veil we were trapped in. Judith's hand found mine. She was shouting. I couldn’t tell what she was saying. I dragged myself through the grass, now pasty with smoke, infiltrating my throat, my eyes, my head – everything. It softened the world, made it easier to forget, but no easier to breathe. I wasn’t sure for how long we struggled that way in the growing cloud of smoke. Judith screamed – a sound I never should have heard – and it brought hot tears to my eyes. Distantly, someone else screamed. It might have been me, but I wasn’t sure. Sirens wailed somewhere. We never heard many of them in Point Blink. I smelled of salt and smoke. What a fool I’d been to believe it possible I could carry on without my best friends; and what a fool Judith had been to think she could replace them.

i shared so so many excerpts! i won't always be able to do so because of spoilers and such. i also didn't share much of the book which includes judith since i wasn't happy with her character portrayal.. so sorry about that haha. i hope to show more of her in next month's update!!

thank you so much for reading! i'd like to keep this sort of format for all my updates. once per month is likely attainable during my semester!

now

i am v tired and im going to bed. have to write an APA paper tomorrow -_-

until october,

amber 💚

[llyznotes]

As of 01/12/2023, my fics will be written in 3rd POV, exceptions will be made through requests, drabbles, oneshot, and projects. Please do read my rules before interacting with me and my content.

tl;dr; i write stories solely because of manga; to convey the multitude of universes that floats about and around in my head in an art form i greatly adore. but i also do hope that my stories would be able to give comfort and place to people in need, a warm pillow to rest on and be cozy for as long as they need—something to look forward to when nothing else is worth looking forward to, but also something to give people strength when it's time to get back up.

who are you? ⎚-⎚

Good day!

You may call me Yuan, it means 'fate'. Also low-key wanna be called 【先生】 / Sensei which is a general honorific but are also used to addressed mangakas in Japan, it just really gives me that boost of energy whenever I hear it lol. I am born in the 04', and I am not a Japanese for those who think so!

what is the purpose of this blog?

A practice blog where I study, experiment, and hone my craft as a future professional mangaka, a space to train myself with my passions; future mangaka/manhwa artist/children storybook's author, etc. — to hone my creative skills such as illustrating and storytelling. I'm a terrible perfectionist as you see, so I try my best to let myself make mistakes without overthinking every single detail. You might see my stories having different writing styles at times but that's just me practicing, experimenting, and finding my own writing style someday so yea!

who do you write for?

K-pop groups are mostly my muses and the MCs for my works, mainly my fave ones; &TEAM and ENHYPEN. I do not represent the real them in my works, rather that they're the actors in my stories. Also, I may write for anime characters in the future but that's still under consideration.

love : koga yudai ♡ &team // muse : yang jungwon ♡ enhypen

what type of a writer am i?

i am a slow updater, it stems from three reasons:

1) i am a perfectionist in my craft; editing, rereading, and rewriting a dozen times till i'm satisfied, and with the determination that i will be able to be filled with pride once i hit the post button. (this doesn't include my practice drabbles/oneshots) but since this is a practice blog, i try my best to ignore my perfectionism habits.

2) i do not and i cannot focus one on one series/story, so you'll find me updating multiple series at the same time. i have to constantly refresh my brain with new materials when i got stuck in one story, and it goes on a loop.

3) i have a life. i am a student, i do not only focus on writing. any questions, please go ahead and read the main rules.

what genres/themes are my favourite and often explore?

mostly dark themes as i am a dark writer; yandere, dark fairytales, dolls - toys, maid cafes, jesters & clowns — circus & carnivals, orphanages/boarding schools, survival games, zombies, apocalypse and many more with the same vibes mentioned above. for more info, please go to the rules section.

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i've Watched

Jujutsu Kaisen 2nd Season:

Synopsis: The year is 2006, and the halls of Tokyo Prefectural Jujutsu High School echo with the endless bickering and intense debate between two inseparable best friends. Exuding unshakeable confidence, Satoru Gojou and Suguru Getou believe there is no challenge too great for young and powerful Special Grade sorcerers such as themselves. They are tasked with safely delivering a sensible girl named Riko Amanai to the entity whose existence is the very essence of the jujutsu world. However, the mission plunges them into an exhausting swirl of moral conflict that threatens to destroy the already feeble amity between sorcerers and ordinary humans.

Twelve years later, students and sorcerers are the frontline defense against the rising number of high-level curses born from humans' negative emotions. As the entities grow in power, their self-awareness and ambition increase too. The curses unite for the common goal of eradicating humans and creating a world of only cursed energy users, led by a dangerous, ancient cursed spirit. To dispose of their greatest obstacle—the strongest sorcerer, Gojou—they orchestrate an attack at Shibuya Station on Halloween. Dividing into teams, the sorcerers enter the fight prepared to risk everything to protect the innocent and their own kind.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

Status: Completed

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2023 with a total of 23 episodes.

This season was an extremely enjoyable viewing experience. They made some very interesting art/animation choices throughout, especially during the fight scenes which were a delight to experience.

I enjoyed both arcs this season and eagerly went back to watch the movie after finishing the first... bit of a crush on Geto there, forgot how unhinged he really became... oops. Still pretty though!

There was really only one thing that bothered me about this season, character development. The deaths in this season just didn't really move me which was a bit disappointing. I've read both Jujutsu Kaisen and Tokyo Revengers (which I finished the anime earlier this week) so I know everything that happens and every character that dies and how, yet Tokyo Revengers had me sniffling while Jujutsu Kaisen just made me frown a bit. The characters that died this season were some of my favourites so I really should have been moved. The stories were there but it just seemed to be lacking heart. I just didn't seem to really care.

Overall this season was a visual treat. The story is interesting and I look forward to watching more I just wish that the deaths and characters themselves had a bit more impact outside of how badass they are in a fight. I want to finish an episode where someone dies a sobbing mess but eager to watch more. I was always eager to watch more but I wasn't very emotionally moved or involved in the characters.

I highly recommend it to fans of the anime or manga. Also to anyone who loves one hell of a good action series. As much as I complain about the characters and heart this was still one of my favourite animes I watched this season. An extremely enjoyable viewing experience from beginning to end.

[krewekreep]

Am I gonna rewrite my arts high school experience by indulging in my own reverse harem AU? Yes, I most likely will…

Will i then simply bring that to my college experience? Yes, yes I will.

[zongyiwang]

Week 1: Creative Practice And Critical Thinking: What are the similarities between creative practice and critical thinking?

As a designer, it is important to be creative and critical at the same time.The similarity between these two is that they are both a way to express an issue through writing. But the two ideas are very different and it is necessary to make them symbiotic. According to “ WHAT IS A CREATIVE PRACTICE: BUILDING AN UNSTOPPABLE WAY OF MAKING ART”, creative practice is not only practising your art but also how you intentionally approach your art, whereas critical thinking means to analyse and evaluate an issue to form a judgement. As a designer, we need to be critical towards others' and our own designs in order to improve, but we also need to be creative when brainstorming new ideas to bring our designs to another level. Another reason why the designers have to have a critical mind is because sometimes the information online isn’t reliable, therefore we need to have the ability to distinguish between the reliable and non-reliable resources. For example, Wikipedia is an unreliable source because everyone can edit the information, and different people always have different opinions because of cognitive bias. This reminded me of an experience I had in my high school art class. I was doing research on wikipedia, but the information turned out to be inaccurate. Therefore as a designer and artist, we have to keep in mind to always look for reliable websites, a good example will be the scholarship articles. 

The practice comes into writing as well. In today’s activity, we need to write a story about a social issue. This helps me to balance both creativity and critical thinking. Because social issues are real events so we have to be true, but stories can go crazy. I wrote a story for the poverty families in China, but my lecturer said my story is too critical, because I was just reporting. Therefore if I can rewrite the story, I will add more of my own opinion, and “distort” some parts of the story to make it look more interesting. Being familiar with creative practice and critical thinking can also help with my other classes. For example in Studio, we need to research on the topic for each week, and the information needs to be reliable, specially when I am researching on the artworks, I need to state out the artist and the medium correctly. 

Sauder, Lauren. “What Is a Creative Practice: Building an Unstoppable Way of Making Art — Lauren Sauder.” Lauren Sauder, Dec. 2022, www.laurensauder.com/journal/what-is-a-creative-practice-building-an-unstoppable-way-of-making-art.

(394)

[meeda]

Idk where else to talk about this so I’m just going to post it here since this is the social media account where I have the least amount of followers

I wanna talk about my ocs Carmen, Edward, and Neah and how much they mean to me because I’ve had them for over a decade now and I’ve basically grown up with them

Carmen Almada

She/her. Carmen enjoys sports and fitness, especially running. She’s friendly and outgoing, and loves to write and talk. A total social butterfly, but also a bookworm. Her goal is to write a book and get it published.

Carmen lives a generally ideal life. She and her parents are close, and she has a twin brother and an adopted older brother. She did well in school and made many close friendships. She traveled a lot growing up, giving her the opportunity to explore different parts of her homeland.

I made Carmen back in 2008 when I was about 13, and she was meant to be the same age as me. She was pretty much the same back then as she is now. Sporty, outgoing, loves to write. I wrote her as the main character in a story about a girl that had a lot of weird experiences happen to her but no one wanted to believe her, which resulted in the death of one of her friends. (Yep, even back then I was traumatizing my oc’s.) I rewrote this character over the next decade using The Sims, and while she aged up over the years, her character has remained mostly the same.

Edward Maleli

He/him. Edward is a lover of all things artistic, in fact he’s a painter, but he enjoys music too. Edward is quite shy and aloof, he prefers his own company most of the time, and he’s a bit cynical. But he has a kind heart.

Edward grew up in a somewhat disconnected household. He only had his mom and younger sister he’s not really close to. He can’t remember his dad and has no interest in reconnecting with him. His family runs an art gallery which he has been working at since he was a teen, so art is a very big part of his life.

I made Edward in 2008, and he was supposed to be in his teens at the time. He was originally created as a rival for Carmen, someone who always antagonized her. This was all retconned over the years when I redeveloped the characters in The Sims. Edward then became a love interest for Carmen, a courtship he initiated, which is surprising considering he’s the shy one and she’s the outgoing one.

Neah Nels

He/they. Neah is an “electrokinetic” with electric powers. He has a sort of chaotic energy to him. It’s hard to tell what he likes as his hobbies and interests tend to change often. One thing remains constant though: he’s a good friend and incredibly loyal, though perhaps a little mischievous at times.

Neah’s family situation is… complicated. He’s an adopted only child, and while his parents are alive, their minds have been irreversibly damaged as a result of something he did. Neah’s parents were not very loving, and this alongside their cognitive decline has caused a lot of trauma for Neah. He only has himself and his friends to rely on now.

I made Neah in 2008, as part of a different universe than the one Carmen and Edward existed in. He was part of a story I wrote inspired by the ATLA series, where elemental beings roamed the earth. He was originally about 10 years old, the younger companion to a group of friends who were in their early teens. Like Carmen and Edward, I redeveloped Neah’s character over the years in the Sims. I made him older, the same age as his friends, and I combined Carmen and Edward’s universe with his so the three of them could exist in the same universe. Neah became a love interest for Carmen, and a rival for Edward, though the two of them shared a weird kind of enemies-to-lovers romantic tension with one another as well.

Their Impact

I’ve been writing and rewriting Carmen, Edward, and Neah’s stories for over a decade already. But their main story started in 2017 when I started writing them into a bisexual love triangle. Writing this story helped me to sort out my own struggles with relationships and bisexuality over the last decade. I made Carmen’s relationships with Edward and Neah complicated and confusing, as a way of expressing how I felt in my own complicated relationships. These three OC’s in particular are special to me because of how intimate they are. I feel like I’ve watched them grow alongside me since I was a kid. They’re like friends of mine, friends I’m also in love with. And I can’t wait to see their relationships continue to develop alongside mine.

[vampire-meta-knight]

Maladaptive Daydreaming and Fandoms

I wanted to make a post about how having MaDD has affected how I interact with media and the fandoms surrounding them. I noticed a lot of things about how I treat the media I really enjoy, and I realized that several things can be attributed to my MaDD.

When my brain looks at a character and says, “Yoink! Mine,” I become obsessed with that character. They’re in my daydreams now, for hours a day, usually every day. They get tied to the lore in my daydreams, and I start expanding upon the character and adding or changing things as I see fit and making all sorts of headcanons which my brain treats as canon.

My headcanons become tied to the daydreams. Ideas, jokes, scenarios, any sort of fanfic idea, really, is intrinsically connected to what happens in the daydreams.

As I said, I get obsessed. I need art of them everywhere. I need merch. If none exists, I’ll make it myself. I need to know every obscure fact about them. I need to talk about them constantly. I get so wrapped up in my obsession because they’re in my head rent-free, 24/7, maybe even the main character of my daydreams. I also get into things that remind me of them, or the piece of media surrounding them. I study wiki pages about the characters and their world. I get thrown into a hyper joy when I see something pertaining to them in the wild (on a shirt at a store, for example).

But with this obsession comes possessiveness--in the back of my head, I feel like I own the character, even though I know I don’t. I know I didn’t create them, but I can’t shake the feeling that they’re mine. This can make it very hard for me to enjoy fanfiction, because I get so particular about how the character is portrayed.

I don’t harass anyone about this, of course, because I realize that I’m the one being unreasonable, but I will complain to myself if a character wasn’t written close enough to how I see them. I don’t want to be like this, since media is open to interpretation, and I don’t want to be so possessive over a character I don’t own. I’m better with headcanons, since I usually like them and may even use some, but if one rubs me the wrong way, it can really get under my skin.

Another thing I’ve noticed, which I thought I got over in high school until I was confronted by it recently, is that I get jealous of OCs that are meant to be friends or lovers of the character. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds, but bear with me. Usually it’s, “No, THAT OC can’t be their best friend because MY para/OC is their best friend!” I wish I didn’t have those feelings, because I think OCs are really cool, and I love seeing how creative people can get! But it can feel like someone is trying to rewrite my story, in a way, even though that character--and subsequently, that story--was never really mine.

It’s so strange, because I see that character every day--I get used to controlling their words and movements, how they interact with other characters, how they change as a response to new plot developments, and they end up meaning so much to me that it’s hard to take a step back.

Do any other MaDDers have similar experiences? Or have you also felt this way about a character who had a lot in common with one of your paras? Feel free to respond or share your thoughts. I’m always open to chat with fellow MaDDers.