#The problem I'm having with nacho is bad enough

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Today's the day we finally move to the new house! It's been a rough journey and a very stressful one, but I'm happy to see it's almost over <3 Our cats are... less than pleased with us lol.

Taking a hiatus has been a huge help, and I'm so glad that many of you have stuck around! Doing Poll's Egg Playdate has been very fun and I hope it continues further! I'm not going off of hiatus just yet; I plan to make my grand return on JUNE 1ST, with the (very short) April recap posting on June 8th.

All of this is to say:

If anyone has poll ideas, requests for accessibility, formating changes, or just any ideas, my inbox is wide open!

I can't wait to come back and make polls again ❤️🧡💛💚����💜

[jogetsobsessed]

One Night - Paul Lahote x reader

She's backkkkk! I know this isn't what you want, however, this survived the great laptop crash of 2024 (unlike the half-finished prophecy pt2 doc). This however is cutie in my opinion and I would be open to writing a part 2 (if anyone wants it). Also, I'm almost to 200 followers which is so crazy? Thank you for all the love!

---------------

“No, no, no, no”, you wailed as you looked at your hands. They were shaking as you clutched the plastic, the plus sign clear as day. Your body slumped down the wall of the bathroom, your body curling into itself as you hit the ground. 

What are you going to do? 

You were young, too young in your life to start thinking about starting a family. It's not even like you were seeing anyone. This whole situation came about after you had a bad day and just wanted to forget. To forget life and all your problems. 

You let yourself have fun, with someone you only kind of knew.  At the time that had seemed like the best plan. You knew of him and had met a few times through your friend Emily. It was better than prowling on some meaningless app that you would just delete the next morning. He was nice to look at, extremely cocky, kind of an asshole to everyone else, but always kind to you. 

The few times you had met Paul Lahote before your night of fun he had never gone out of his way to talk to you but that was okay with you. All the other boys that hung around Emily’s house could be way too much. Just dropping her off after work would lead to you being pulled into a two-hour conversation because none of them knew when to shut up. Paul however would always hover on the porch or somewhere else in your eyeline. He never came up to join the conversation but never left his spot of isolation either. 

So after a bad day at the clinic, Emily invited you back to her place for a drink and you accepted. Emily was your friend, one of the only actual friends you had made since moving to the Forks area six months prior. But you haven't spent much time together outside of work, except for riding to and from the clinic. 

But this shift had been so rough on both of you that you needed to vent to each other and get something in your system to make you forget a little. Cut to hours later neither of you notice her fiance and his friends walking in the house to you and Emily losing it on the couch, clutching your sides from how hard you were laughing. 

It wasn't even the alcohol necessarily, the two of you had split a bottle of wine but that wasn't enough to get you messed up to the point of uncontrollable laughter. No, it was finally being able to relax in good company, let loose and enjoy yourself. 

The boys had just snickered at the two of you, Emily’s fiance ushering them back into the kitchen to give the two of you some space. However, at some point, hunger struck and the kitchen was calling your name. 

Emily had declared nachos as the snack of choice and you couldn't agree more. She had charged through the sea of testosterone while you decided to timidly hug the doorframe, not knowing where to place yourself down. The kitchen was full of Sam’s friends and there wasn't a place to sit. You were thinking of slipping into the kitchen and leaning against the counter while Emily assembled plates of goodness.

That was until a particular tanned-skin boy stood up and very subtly gestured towards the chair. A sudden confidence had taken over you, and you certainly can blame that on the wine. Crossing the room in just a few paces you lower yourself onto the previously occupied seat and join the rowdy group at the table. 

Looking up you gave him a silent look of thanks as he stood, leaning his back against the countertop. He reciprocated a small smirk before returning his attention to the intense game of spoons that the other boys were trying to rope you into. 

After that, the night was a blur. You had played a few rounds of the card game, Emily eventually joining with heaping plates of nachos, placing herself in her fiance's lap. Paul had disappeared momentarily, reappearing with an old wooden stool, sitting directly to your left. 

You tried to focus on everything happening, but it was no use. All you could think about was that simple gesture of kindness. The act of chivalry that no doubt was gonna earn him some teasing from his buddies, which is what made it and him so much more attractive. 

Thoughts of the beautiful man plagued your mind the whole night and when he offered to drive you back home at the end of the night you accepted. He blamed it on the fact that he wouldn't feel right if he let you drive home after drinking, even if it was just a few glasses of wine and that had been hours ago. 

Even though you felt completely sober at this point as it had been hours and you had eaten your fair share of nachos you obliged, how could you pass up the opportunity for one of the most attractive men you had laid eyes on in a long time to drive you home? 

Attractive and chivalrous, two things he had going for him. 

The ride home was nice, the windows rolled down, and your hair flowed in the breeze. He drove smoothly and slowly, taking the winding corners with ease. A song that occupied the radio 24/7 played, and you were in such a state of comfort that you allowed yourself to sing along softly. 

It was weird, you barely knew this man, yet you felt so comfortable around him. Being in his presence was easy. 

Once your headlights illuminated the front of your modest home you felt your heart sink. This was it, your night of bliss was going to end. He threw the truck in park, turning to face where you sat. He opened his mouth, to say what you have no idea because you cut him off before he got the chance to speak. 

“Do you wanna come in?”. 

--------------

That night had been six weeks ago. And since then you hadn't seen or heard from him once. Not that you had reached out much. The last thing you needed was to make things awkward and complicated with a friend of a friend. 

Only now things were gonna have to be awkward and complicated, it was sorta unavoidable. 

Time paused as you sat there on the bathroom floor. Staring at the pinked-capped stick. Part of you wished you hadn't taken the test, even if that would have just avoided the inevitable for a few days, maybe a couple of weeks. 

Your head was reeling as you attempted to comprehend the news. On one hand, you had always wanted to be a mom and had dreamed of it. However part of the dream was a perfect house, a perfect job, and a perfect husband. Someone that loved you and supported you. Having a baby daddy that you hardly knew wasn't exactly in the picture. 

------------

At some point your body went on autopilot, you picked yourself off the ground and went through the motions of getting ready for the day. You didn't know what you were getting ready to do, you had already called out after you had woken up before the sun to empty your stomach of last night's dinner. 

The brain fog seemed to slightly lift once you were closing your car door, clutching the steering wheel as your life preserver. The pregnancy test in your pocket feels as if it weighs a thousand pounds. 

You felt insane. 

Who were you to go to this man who you barely knew and just throw this information at him, even if he deserved to know? Because this was his burden too. This wasn't an instance of immaculate conception, it took both of you to get into this situation. 

Recalling an earlier conversation with Emily where you had not so subtly asked what Paul did for work you remembered her mentioning the name of the garage. 

Since today simply could not get more insane you decided to embrace the insanity and started the drive towards the reservation. 

You practiced what you were gonna say over and over, but nothing sounded right. 

“Hey, remember me? I'm the girl you slept with once and ghosted, well I'm pregnant”. 

“Paul, remember me? Y/N, yeah so you kinda got me pregnant”. 

“Hey so remember when I told you that you didn't need a condom, well I say dumb things I don't mean when I’m around pretty people”. 

You were so screwed. 

----------

The parking lot was practically empty because of course, it was. Of course, there wouldn't be enough cars for you to blend in and hide for a little bit to gather your confidence. No besides your car there were only three others, and since you knew that Paul's truck was one of them there was a decent chance that the other two were also employees. The large bay doors of the shop were opening, one of the bays occupied with an old Volvo on the lift. 

Crossing the parking lot, the man of the hour caught your attention. Paul was alone in the garage. Grease and oil covered his hands and forearms as his attention was focused on the car above him. Patting your jacket pocket you made sure your proof was still there. You had only made it about halfway once he spotted you. He did a double take, a minor look of confusion showing. I mean why wouldn't he be confused, you weren't friends and here you were just randomly showing up at his place of business. 

Deciding to pull whatever last shred of confidence you had buried deep down you didn't turn chicken and run back to your car. No, you carried on walking, right up to the edge of his behemoth of a toolbox, slightly leaning on it to gain some support. The nerves make your whole body feel unstable. 

The wrench was abandoned, clattering inside said toolbox and he found a discarded towel that was so dirty it looked like it was only gonna make his hands worse. You couldn't help but study the way his body moved, how he looked in his work clothes, and how his muscles were contracting as he attempted to clean off the grime. Jesus Christ you need to get a hold of yourself, you thought. 

What you didn't notice was he was doing the same to you, looking you up and down searching for a reason as to why you were here. It wasn't until a breeze blew through the garage, that he realized he didn't only smell the dense forest and the various scents of the garage. It carried a faint smell of vanilla and lavender. But it wasn't just that, it was mixed with pine and rosemary. He bristled at the realization, the unique combination meant one thing and one thing only. It had been weeks since he last saw you there’s no way his scent would hang out on you that long unless…

Suddenly nothing else mattered except what you had to say. He wanted to help, to try and make the situation better. So he started to speak, to try and break this ice. But just like you had done weeks prior you beat him to the punch. 

“I’m pregnant”. 

The visible look of relief caused him to calm down, the last thing he wanted in this situation was for you to be stressed out. And the thought of you being so scared to talk to him broke his heart a little bit if he was being honest. 

“Is it mine?”. 

Paul could have ended it all in that moment. Why was he like this? 

He knew it was his, he had definitive proof, and he chose to play the idiot and make the woman who was carrying his child feel worse than she already did. 

“What the hell are you suggesting Paul? Yes it's yours, I wouldn't be telling you if it wasn't”. You crossed your arms across your chest, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable and exposed. The confidence meter has fully run out. 

“Yeah no yeah. That um makes sense, I’m sorry. That was a real jackass thing to say. Of course you wouldn't tell me if it wasn't mine”. Paul rubbed the back of his neck as he rambled, avoiding eye contact with you. The magic inside of him was screaming at him, his instincts to protect almost taking over what little composure he held. 

He hadn't planned on telling you about the bond you shared. At least not for a while. 

You were still kinda new to town, and it wasn't fair to derail your life because you had decided to be a kind person and drop Emily off just a few weeks after you had moved. The bond had set in that day, as he was leaving Emily’s house and heading out to his truck. His eyes had darted up upon hearing Em’s voice and what he hadn't expected was to almost fall flat on his face. 

Because for a split second, the two of you made eye contact, it was fleeting and you had returned your eyes to your friend immediately. It had meant nothing to you and everything to him. 

Since that day he vowed to protect you but also to not act selfish and to allow you to make your own decisions.  Which is why he couldn't help but feel horrible. He had ruined your life. 

Paul thinks back to that night, running his mind over every minute, had you been drunk? He had only used that as an excuse to drive you home. But if you had been too intoxicated to make coherent decisions he would never forgive himself. 

“Yeah that was a real jackass thing to say”, you sniffled proud of yourself for not bursting out into heavy sobs. Because in all honesty while it felt like a physical blow hearing him question your morals he was handling the situation better than you would have if you were in his position. It was a fair question, you had only slept together once. 

The next few minutes seemed to pass slowly. After standing there basking in the awkward silence he told you to wait a second and walked into the attached office. You did as he said, too nervous to take the opportunity and leave. He returned a few moments later with much cleaner hands and a small smile graced his face. God, how you were growing to love that smile. 

“Boss told me to head out for the day, don't worry I only told him that I need to take a certain pretty girl out to lunch”, he sent you a wink as he slammed the lid on the toolbox down. Your cheeks grew warm at the compliment, even with how pg it was. I mean this man got you pregnant but him calling you pretty had your chest hammering. 

His hand found its way to the small of your back as he walked, ushering you out of the garage so he could lower the bay door. Once it was down he turned to face you with a smirk replacing the kind smile from earlier. 

“Come on doll, looks like I gotta feed my baby mama”. He howled with laughter as the small tinge of red on your cheeks turned into your whole face going crimson. “Oh this is gonna be fun”, he said through his laughs. 

His warmth on your skin brought you back to that state of peace that you remembered so fondly. You let him lead you towards his truck, thanking him as he shut your door. 

As Paul jogged to the driver's side a smile fought against the smirk. This wasn't how he pictured everything going but he wasn't mad. It wasn't like he got some random girl pregnant, no he got you pregnant. And while you may believe that you were just a random girl to him that was not how he felt. But he wasn't going to tell you that, at least not right now. The last thing he wanted to do was stress you out even more than you already were. 

So he was going to wait. 

He could learn to be content with you being in his life as a girlfriend, or even just the mother of his child. And when the time was right he would tell you.

But for now, he could wait.

[robinaltieri]

I'm not saying a foreigner can't make a good movie based in Mexico. Nacho libre was made by an american director, it is a positive representation of mexican culture and lucha libre and has this typical mexican film feeling. It's also a tribute to a popular mexican character and even though it clearly has some flaws and stereotypes, mexicans loved that movie sm for the good hearted nature of the perspective and respect towards our country to the point that we adopted that film as ours.

Meanwhile, making a story about the narcotraffic is a sensitive topic for a lot of reasons and it's going to cause controversy either way from the fact that has been the cause of many losses in the country and that we are already dealing with the mexicans themselves romanticizing these groups in current media.

I'm not saying you can't enjoy the movie, I'm 100% pro of liking anything you want as long as you take it as fictional and have your feet on the ground. I know nobody is exempt of being guilty for liking a movie, tv show, etc with poorly done representation.

The thing is, I wish people understood the problems around this movie starting with a foreign director who didn't want to make at least a little of research, the main cast that is not really mexican except for one actress because 'they were the best we found' (which implied we don't have good mexican actors), the main actress overreacting on twitter and calling us transphobic for doing a call out on the flaws the movie has and the disconnected representation of mexicans.

We can even say it is something similar to what happened with the first adaptation of WSS, and that says a lot of the progress we have made if here we are committing the same mistakes (funny enough that I am comparing two musical movies about hispanic representation) .

To not make this longer, if mexicans are complaining and backlashing this film is because what we perceived is a foreign person turning the trauma and the cause of the loss of many families as a joke. If the point of this story was to raise awareness, they did it in the worst possible way.

I lived in a state that is popular for the quantity of people involved in these practices and it was a constant state of panic due to the fact that security and the law in Mexico are a joke, sometimes you never know if the person you interacted with even casually in a convenience store is related or has a relative involved in narcotraffic and it sucks to feel so insecure.

I know Mexico is not perfect and obviously not everything is as bad and we constantly do the take me out of latam jokes, but if we are proud of something is of our identity and this movie is not a reflection of that identity.

[agentjazzy]

oh wow, it looks like Disney's Primos is coming out - I thought they shelved it!

I showed my parents the trailer, and they immediately said that the main character looks just like I did when I was little lmao, because it's true

Because, like, 1)I'm Chicane, and we have the exact same coloring, 2)I had short hair and braces from ages 9-11, 3)I had many many pairs of jean shorts, 4)glasses, lol, and 5)my mom shaved my unibrow every month when I was little

And then, of course, the premise - when I was 8 I had to live with my cousins for Summer (+ one month of school) before we moved in with my grandparents bc *~*technically we were homeless for several years*~*

How many cousins? Well, first with only 3, but then there were problems, so then we moved in with a different tía, who, at the time, had 7 kids.

(if anyone's curious, I have 20 cousins total, with 1 more on the way)

Being in single 3 bedroom house (with 2 makeship rooms in the garage) with 7 cousins, 4 adults, and my little brother was. Um. An experience.

But anyway, after I showed my parents the trailer, I told them this show was supposed to premiere a year ago but had controversies after the theme song dropped, then I showed them the original theme song to see if anything caught their attention.

And sure enough, absolutely nothing. My mom questioned the nickname Nachos, bc it can sound kinda iffy, but nothing else caught their attention.

(and oh, for context, they both grew up in LA, both growing up translating for their parents)

I showed them some clips of why people hated it, and yeah, they were confused bc they would say "oye primos," not "oigan primos." I guess my grandparents weren't concerned with teaching exact grammar at home, more concerned with making sure that my parents were learning english at school

everyone being mad at "terremoto heights" was um. weird. because we're constantly making earthquake jokes, because we're waiting for The Big One, which we know will inevitably screw us over and possible strand us without water and home if/when it comes. but we still joke about it, you know? my whole class made earthquake jokes, and my parents made earthquake jokes when they were in school and they lived through the LA quakes

it makes me wonder if Animaniacs released their "A Quake" song today, would people have been up in arms as much as they have for Primos?

but I guess changing it is fair, if Disney wants to have an international release. even if making earthquake jokes is part of SoCal culture.

they were really surprised about the nickname controversies, because here in SoCal, those nicknames are like. pretty common. yes, even the one that they ended up changing. it's almost as if words have different connotations in different places..........

ANYWAY the biggest thing is that they agreed that the voice actress was out of line (although they think it's obvious that the "shithole" comment was poking fun at trump and that that was being taken out of context in bad faith) but - and this is an inside joke I'm not gonna elaborate on - makes sense considering her name

(IF YOU'RE A MUTUAL OR A TRUSTED FOLLOWER, if you're curious about the joke, I WILL dm you to explain if you ask)

but yeah. it's obvious that this is Disney's answer to The Loud House and The Casagrandes - that being said, all the vitriol towards this shows seems very unfounded. this show just seems very Chicano, moreso than other things I've seen.

and like, as I've explained here, this show is very, heavily relatable to me specifically. none of my white friends understood the pains of living with a bunch of your wild cousins - but multiple of my Chicana friends did. at different schools districts even.

it's just... a lot of the things people are shouting is "bad representation" is literally just... my life. And, apparently, the creator's life, considering it's based on her childhood.

I think it's nice that she made a show about Chicano culture. It does suck that apparently no one knows or even seem to want to know what Chicano culture is.

I just can't help but to wonder if I ever make something about my life, my lived experience... will people call me bad representation? idk.

anyway, I'll probably check the first few episodes out. I'm not sure I'll watch the whole series, since, lately, Disney's shows have been kinda a miss for me. but maybe I'll be surprised. I'm willing to give it a shot

[itgetsrad]

"mayhem" by gaga

so i just have lots of thoughts about the new lady gaga album and i guess i'm going to get them out here... you're welcome

i guess let's start where i assume she wanted us to start - the singles. i hated Die With A Smile the first time i heard it & didn't like it any more any other time i heard it. i don't know if this was a one-off single that she just added to the end of the album when it did well (it seems that way) so i can ignore that. Disease is fine (i was very underwhelmed when it first dropped but in the context of the rest of the album i like it more than most of them) - this was an okay first single. it was kind of the only option besides Abra, really, because everything else sounds so much like something we've heard before that they just wouldn't work as singles to get people excited because... we've heard it before. Abra drops and the video is amazing - it looks and feels like peak Gaga visually, it sounds like a gay club banger (or peak Fame/Fame Monster sounds) with the perfect balance of classic Gaga sounds and new elements. it made me excited to hear the new album. between Disease & Abra, the album art, the album TITLE - it all seemed to be leaning towards a sort of dark, almost goth aesthetic :

from this, it is what you are selling it us. and i think one of the biggest reasons i like the album less is because we didn't really get what was advertised?? nothing else on the album sounds like Abra or even really Disease. [the hard turn from the 'darker' sounds of Disease/Abra into the VERY clean/pop sound of Garden is kinda crazy] and my biggest gripe is that it all sounds pretty phoned-in. i didn't watch/read any interviews with Gaga about the album (i honestly am not a big enough fan of her to care that much) but seeing stuff on pitchfork (i KNOW. we'll get to it) she seems to have talked a lot about how she did feel really inspired (by her own work) when creating these songs and that just does not resonate with me when hearing these songs. like, it all sounds so generic (except for Abra. it is a banger)

i really really can't get over the titles of the songs. like they are so bad and generic and just phoned-in. Zombieboy and LoveDrug being the most obvious offenders but Perfect Celebrity, Killah, How Bad Do U Want Me, i don't know it's just like... the way she has decided to title and then spell these titles makes me think she's doing on purpose... like is it camp? is it meant to be so bad it's good? LoveDrug!? if you do a search for 'love drug' in songs on spotify you will get so many results, there is a very famous song called Love Is The Drug by Roxy Music and she has to know that. she has to know that love drug is a common title and she just does a weird spelling of it. and it doesn't really sound like Love Is The Drug... it sounds like a generic 80s synthpop inspired song. which let's just get to something i really want to address & which i think is the main problem of this album--

^this is from the pitchfork review (i have not read any other reviews & i didn't finish this. i know pitchfork is pretty much shit now as far as opinions/reviews but i check it about once a week for news & they did a take aways from Mayhem & they seemed to really like it and i was like WHAT? so i was curious to see if the review was also good... it was. it got an 8 out of 10. brat got a 8.6 so)

and my argument is: if i can't tell the difference from "reheating the nachos" and "a full-on cooking show devoted to the art of nacho-reheating" in the end result then what the fuck is the difference!? i think intention in art is very important, so if she says that it was her intent to go back to her roots, so to speak, and create new songs based on her old or most popular sounds then that is cool. it does kind of put the album in a more understandable context BUT i think for that to be successful it has to be very obvious. it needs to SOUND like it's on purpose (Ariana is a great example of this- her references are so in your face and on the nose that you immediately get what she's doing and that she WANTS you to know she is doing HER version of whatever she's referencing). there is no way for me to know, without reading her say this in interviews, that she's TRYING to be self-referential

but even so, it doesn't sound like she's ripping off herself, it sounds like she's ripping off other stuff. i guess Killah samples a Bowie song but it sounds like her trying to do a Prince song. which... just a Prince-like melody and the "Prince guitar riff" has been done to death (and better). for a pop star of Gaga's caliber, it's not good enough. Zombieboy is laughably bad... the Hollaback Girl rip-off intro/bridge, the disco guitar, the bad lyrics - i don't know what it is trying to be but i really hate it. the Only You (by Yaz) reference on How Bad Do U Want Me - which, the melody is just a taylor swift song; this is a taylor swift song like it sounds just like a taylor swift song but with Only You mixed in- so does it sound good? sure, but i would rather just listen to Only You. Shadow Of A Man sounds like so many things that it's hard to pinpoint. there are references to other Gaga stuff, it sounds kind of Micheal Jackson (the chorus mostly) but to me just sounds so generic. and "generic" can be fine, i like plenty of "generic" sounding music but this is Gaga, who's intention with the roll out seemed to be "we're so back" and then we get this and it's like... are we back? Gaga has the talent, she also has the funds and clout to get whoever she wants to help create and make something really special and different than everything else and she just didn't. instead we got Zombieboy (do yourself a favor & listen to the Magnetic Field's song called Zombie Boy)

i love Abra a lot. i like Garden of Eden, Vanish Into You and Disease are okay (they are the ones i will actively listen to) - i probably won't go back to this album very often, i can just listen to other Gaga stuff. i think it's fine as background music. i do not get why people seem to love it. i guess i was just pretty disappointed that this is what we got and then to hear that Gaga seems to think that this is a rehashing of her best ideas/sounds in a new context because it is not that, for me, at all. who knows maybe a few months from now it will all click into place for me & i will eat my words but i jammed out to Eternal Sunshine on repeat last night and haven't gone back to this since it came out (except to listen while writing this) so ... probably not

[storyteller-aprendiz]

I LOVED THE CHEATING STORYLINE (ACTUALLY)

First, a little bit about me: I am a polyamorous bisexual writer with queer liberation ideals. This is just so that you (beautifull reader that took the time to read this) understands where I am coming from.

So let's recapitulate:

Carlos and Ashlyn plus all of the wildcats except for Big Red and Seb leave for camp, leaving the two boys to spend a lot time together were they grow closer and their relationship understandably strengthens.

So, we end up with two boys that are missing their romantic partners and all the affection their romantic partners can give them. They decide to go see a Harry Styles movie (whyyy?? harry styles- it should have been better Fire Island, anyways). And in the darkness of the cinema Seb reaches for Big Red's nachos, and Big Red for Seb's popcorn. Hands brush, it reminds them of the romantic affection they've been missing, but it isn't enough so they kiss.

And kisses CAN be platonic. Nothing happens, except that Big Red discovers he's bisexual.

Their romantic partners return for camp. They have to tell them about the KISS because if they don't say anything it would be cheating, but Big Red is going to Cairo (for some weird reason). Seb, well there are some rumours about Carlos cheating, which Seb isn't bother by, in his mind he did the same.

He found out does rumours aren't real. Carlos didn't cheat unlike him. The guilt consumes him, he's a coward so he runs from his problems. Seb ignores Carlos for the rest of the summer and two months after that (if they start in the 1st of september, idk how it works).

Seb tells Carlos about the kiss, but it comes out all wrong. Now its too late for the kiss to really being nothing, Seb ignore carlos for 2 months-ish. Plus he says he cheated, which really what is CHEATING?

Is it kissing someone? Is it having sex with someone? Is it entering a romantic relationship with someone? Is it entering a sexual relationship with someone? Is it having feelings for someone?

Carlos & Seb never defined what is cheating for them, and the way Seb says it, it could be anything of the above.

PLUS cheating involves in some way getting tired of the other person and wanting to look for something new. Which Carlos internalizes, but is definetly not how Seb feels about him.

Big Red comes back from Egypt, the first thing he does (after yk doing all the things you do for a trip) is go find Ashlyn and explain himself, and apologize (sort of). Because how he sees it, it wasn't cheating because for him platonic kisses aren't cheating and he still loves Ashlyn, for Ash is a bit different because she doesn't know what cheating is for her, and they also never established what cheating was for each other.

But is fine because Big Red came to her with the truth AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (I'm looking at you Sebastian). Plus they both knew their relationship was reaching an end.

Reminded by Ashlyn, Big Red goes to Carlos to explain the situation, but is too late Seb already ruin it. It was too late, the wording was not the best ("Do you know who was the guy that Seb cheated with?" / "Me". Like, damn). And again CHEATING implies the person that cheats getting bored with their partner and disregarding their feelings.

So yeah, Carlos is feeling bad. Because all this time it had been Seb who had giving Carlos the side eye for the possibility he might cheated with boys on trips to México or Camp, etc. Carlos, who has had to manage the effects of this insecurity of Seb's, then has that same insecuirty made real by the same person that already feels it.

Therefore, a very shitty situation. Because again Seb saying "I cheated on you" is very different from "I kiss Big Red, it didn't mean anything".

And as we know it was all that implied cheating that affected Carlos, not really the kiss on itself. So in true Seblos fasion, he needs a song to be reminded of how much Seb trully loves him, how much he values him.

And we finally get the Seblos (frankie & joe) duet I've been waiting.

Seb finally gets a chance to do things right, explain himself and Red, and assuage any insecurities Carlos might have.

The End.

Which, wow, it was a very convoluted storyline, just type it down, now, I can see how long it was.

So for my recap of it, you can see that I really don't see Seb and Big Red as cheating, because again it was a PLATONIC kiss. That being said, Seblos and Redlyn should have talk about what is cheating for them, and is platonic kisses are part of it, well that changes things a little bit. But yeah. For me what Seb & Big Red did wasn't cheating.

Now lets get into what Seb and Big Red did wrong.

Big Red, you did things very good actually, just don't try to act so proud of it "my coming-out origin story" to your girlfriend? Dude, a bit more tact next time.

Seb, Seb, sweet, sweet, Seb. Do you even know your boyfriend? You did everything wrong. You IGNORED Carlos, a person which craves attention, you make him feel your own guilt about cheating even when he didn't, and make him feel like he did something wrong in the relationship, when you thought it was you who did the wrong thing.

And then, instead of explaining what ACTUALLY happened, you say it in the way that will be MISINTERPRETED and cause a lot of insecurity, insecurity which you HAVE/HAD by the way.

Like I know you aren't good at talking things out loud, but this is a whole other level.

Now, why do I love the storyline? As I declared in the title of this post.

Well 1st CARLOS. I love how this plot allows us to go in deeper with Carlos' insecurities, and even a throwaway line of the exuberant body standards of/in the gay community.

It also gave us a Carlos that fought for Seb, when he wasn't talking to him. Like in S2, he would have just give him the cold shoulder too, called it a day, and if they never talk again, well it would be more self-pity to drown himself into.

It gave us Miss Jenn & Carlos bonding over their broken hearts, Ashlyn & Carlos moments talking about their partners (and queerness), Carlos & Kourtney caring for each other.

It gave us a freaking Seblos duet (though I know we could've get this any other way).

2nd Seb. Like I know that I have been to harsh on him, and that's because he messed up. And I LOVE that about him.

Like Sebastian has always been this perfect character ("Sweet Perfect Innocent Seb" as Carlos call him), but now we know it isn't always easy to be sweet, perfect, and innocent.

And he messed up in a way that was actually in line with his character, like he is definitely the person that drags out the problem until he can't ignore it (Points to S2), and doesn't want to deal with it.

Carlos messes up a lot, but now we find out that Seb does too.

3rd Big Red. I love his outlook in this whole situation. How he looks back at the moment and doesn't think "I cheated on my girlfriend" but rather "Wow, cool bi awakening". Because again, he wasn't into Seb, it was a platonic kiss, all it did for him was making him realized that he likes kissing boys, and boys in general as well as girls.

Which brings me to the fact that we finally got to know Big Red's bi awakening. Is it controversial? Yes. Does it perpetuates stereotypes? Depending on how you look at it, because although Big Red doesn't look at it as cheating, Ashlyn has more mix feeling about it, and the guy he kissed definetly thinks they cheated.

4th, it was a freaking queer storyline. Like normally I hate cheating as a way to cause more drama into a relationship, plus being the reason the character break up. But the way HSMTMTS queered it all the way.

Like I definitely can SEE this happening on a queer friendship group irl. Like the Redlyn break-up is the queerest scene on the show ever, Big Red's whole different out look on the situation, Carlos' insecurities about why Seb cheated, how Seb reacts to the whole thing, and the uses Halloween to try an fix it. The fact that it was a platonic kiss, which both parties know didn't meant they were into the other person, but that they just like to kiss.

Very, very queer my friend.

Lastly, I have mostly been talking about it from my own interpretation and my feelings about it. But I want to talk about how I saw it was received.

And that was, not so good.

Which I do and don't understand at the same time. On the one side, I am in part of the crow that says that relationships don't need to have drama to be interesting. Especially, when the only drama mainstream authors can think about is, cheating, fear of being cheated on, and jelousy. Like very boring my friend.

Then there's the whole "Bisexual Stereotipe" in the room, which true (most people don't even care about Bi men) is not the best. However, I want to ask, why are we so insistan on looking good? Why do we crave acceptance so much?

If a may I would like to bring attention to this next excerpt from Bi Notes from a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Esner:

The idea of unfaithfulness also brings into light the metaphor of the bisexual as traitor (one of my personal favorites). The dictionary defines

treason as “a betrayal of trust,” or as “an attempt to overthrow the government . . . or to kill . . . the sovereign,” a definition that betrays, if you will, bisexuality’s function as an agitator. We can think about bisexuality as betrayal of the trust imposed on us by power structures, as well as embodying an attempt to overthrow or “kill” hegemonic order. We can then use this as a gateway to betraying monogamy, patriarchy, governments, countries, and wars, betraying the “LGBT” (meaning, the GGGG) movement, for promoting the assimilation of our communities and cooperating with oppressive structures. We can be traitors to anything that confines us, and to anything that stands in our way: all power structures, all oppression.

Which actually brings me to the last idea of why I think people are reacting badly to the storyline, we are not used to see queer people mess up in media. With this I mean that we are either demonized or made into paragons.

Let me pick another quote from Will Williams, amazing creator of Valence a super duper queer Urban Fantasy Podcast:

So like, there’s this — there’s this idea of “bad representation”, of showing queer people in a negative light as complex and fucked up characters. [...] There’s this idea that showing queer people like this gives cishet people more reasons to hate us. 

And I understand that. I absolutely do. [...] But where I am right now, my philosophy is, cishet people will always hate us. They’ll always find reasons to think that we’re abhorrent even if we’re the most morally upright person in their eyes, regardless of being queer. [...]

I don’t — I — because I’m a mess, and because I’m a queer person, and because I have huge monumental flaws as a person, I really struggle to feel represented by most things [...] So when I think of the media that matters to me, and makes me feel seen, and gives me catharsis, and makes me feel represented as specifically a queer person, I always think of really fucked up, messed up queer characters hat other people might point to and be like, this is bad representation. I just don’t think that there’s any such thing as good representation.

To conclude, I love the cheating storyline. Because in my book it wasn't actually cheating, we've got to explore the characters even more- let them mess up, and it was queer as fuck.

[danglovely]

Kim Possible Episode Tiers: The A-Tier

Since most of the episodes in the show are quality, the A-Tier is best defined as episodes that have a thing that makes them stand out. In addition to being quality, there's a reason to remember them.

This is also the largest tier, so strap in.

Coach Possible: The Kim coaching B-Story runs a little flat, but Jr. putting together a nonsensical plan that results in hypnotized Kim and Ron dancing in cages in a nightclub is what I live for. There's an underrated ending fight as well that culminates Kim fighting a Chuck E. Cheese robot, to catchy dance music, while Ron launches an evil disco ball to its destruction.

Bueno Nacho: Another iffy B-Story about petty work squabbles, but it's one of the precious early-series moments where we get to see Drakken and Shego at the top of their game. This was actually back when Drakken was still menacing, despite kicking off the tiny oversight that ruins his plan trend. Also, the lean.

Tick Tick Tick: The first episode in the production order. It does feel weird because they hadn't settled on the animation or the characters yet. That said, there is some amazing hero-villain banter in this one that they nailed right out of the gate.

Steal Wheels: The reveal that Motor Ed and Drakken are related pays off big time and it's sort of a shame that more team-ups between the two didn't happen. There are a couple of good things about the B-Plot here as well: (1) We sort of get a glimpse into how close Kim and Ron are, because she doesn't know what to do with herself when he's not there. (2) Always good to see Felix and have a character voiced by Jason Marsden.

Bad Boy: I honestly considered moving this lower, but I decided against it because the Attitudinator is too good of a concept to ignore. This episode drags a little bit because it gets bogged down in the exposition -- They felt the need to go through the whole process of Drakken not feeling evil enough, them going to the convention, explaining why Kim and Ron went to the convention, Ron being a bully for a bit . . . like get to the Evil Ron stuff already!

It's only a minor complaint though, this is still the A-Tier.

Mad Dogs and Aliens: Terrible B-Plot in this one because I never understood why Ron wasn't touched by Jim and Tim taking on the mantle and him immediately jumping in to show them how it's done (it's also kind of forgettable, it took some brain racking to remember it). The A-Plot is gold though. Bitter Drakken and apathetic turned jealous Shego reconciling the consequences of multiple episodes of Season Three wasn't really something I thought the show was capable of.

The New Ron: I've written it before, but the Seniors are brilliant villains. Combine a criticism of obscene wealth + Ron giving them the idea + the motivation for world domination being boredom . . . it's just a glorious recipe for a unique, comedic delight. I also relate to Ron's cowlick problems.

Monkey Fist Strikes: It's another villain introduction for a very good villain. I think what really puts this one up there for me is another top fight scene. Another good music selection (that I'm not sure really how to describe other than giving off a Sherlock Holmes vibe). It results in Ron coming through, by himself, and leaving Fist cinematically strewn across the Tai Sheng Pek Kwa insignia and surrounded by four broken idols.

Odds Man In: What a surprise, another sort of weak high school B-plot. The interesting aspects here are Drakken getting caught up in the sort of corporate villainy he had previously expressed distaste for (see Rappin' Drakken). Also, Wade goes on a mission with Kim!

Mind Games: I love the body swap concept, but fiction always sort of does it the same way. Freaky Friday, Gravity Falls, this episode . . . it's all sort of the "I didn't understand how hard you had it" thing. What makes this episode A-tier is Drakken and Shego's interactions over the body swaps and the Neutronalizer are some of the funniest bits in the series.

Low Budget: I love Frugal Lucre. I love that he is voiced by Richard Kind and I love the idea of trying to hold the world hostage without spending any money.

Crush: I made a whole post about how this is a really good Ron episode. It also might be the exception to this tier where it's just really high quality all the way through, but without anything particularly high concept about it. That's probably why it aired first.

Car Trouble: All of Shego and Drakken's interaction with Dr. Freeman are fantastic. It's too bad he wasn't a recurring scientist like Bortle. It's also a better B-plot than most because Sadie was a perfectly likeable vehicle.

Go Team Go: One of the brief glimpses we actually get of Shego's past. I'm not sure if I'm 100% sold on her brothers or not, but undoubtedly this is one of the more interesting episodes. Plus, evil family.

A Very Possible Christmas: I've taken to watching this on Christmas. A lot of gushy holiday feelings between the two lead pairs. The ending is a little weird though.

Dimension Twist: There is an element of cringe here -- It's weird to put Shego in a very milquetoast Friends parody. There's a lot of good as well (trap trap, Drakken's book) and honestly, I just want to see what else the Pandimensional Vortex Inducer can do.

The Ron Factor: I wrote a whole post about this one too. It's a very interesting subversion of the metanarrative within the show and the only reason it isn't S-tier is that Global Justice annoys me a bit. Could definitely have used more Gemini in later episodes though.

Sick Day: This is the best of the sub-15 minute episodes and the whole point of them is to go for quick laughs and nothing else. I would say it achieved it here with both sides having to quickly adjust to illness and the introduction of Hank Perkins.

Hidden Talent: "Say the Word" is a certified banger. I also like to see Drakken taking initiative to try and be a step ahead of the heroes. Don't forget, the only reason he loses here is because he tries the most complicated way of finishing off Kim ever.

Overdue: The second best of the 15-minute episodes. Once again, we're only here for jokes so we're going to see what happens when Ron tries to rush through defeating a bunch of different villains. It's enjoyable.

Oh No, Yono!: It's the end of Monkey Fist. It's a satisfying coming-of-age conclusion for Ron and a heartwrenching moment when Kim gets turned to stone. It's only not S-tier because Yono's presence detracts from Ron's real archenemy.

Exchange: For as good as this episode is, it's also very much a setup for what the series planned to do with Ron in the future. We've seen him succeed on his own at this point, but Exchange is interesting in that it creates a part of his life that Kim just can't be associated with.

The Twin Factor: The first of like a hundred mind control plots. It's fun to see brainwashed Shego and Kim and it was important for the series to actually develop Jim and Tim a bit, lest they be pigeonholed into one-joke obstacles for Kim to overcome.

[clairethecutepup]

Fazbear Frights: In Your Dreams... (Ch. 2)

[Chapter Title: Dream Buddies]

Claire discovers these animatronics not only have the ability to dream, but bring her into them! What kind of dream do robots have, though, and what's it like to experience them herself...? More importantly, how does she avoid the obvious problem with sleeping on the job: potential termination upon the discovery?

*******

Cartoon characters... Claire stood face-to-face with actual cartoon characters-- right down to the two dimensional appearances! In fact, the entire plane of existence within this strange area mimicked what she'd often see on early 2000's television... Hey, if she's also here... Yep, Claire also became a living cartoon character, evident by her thickly outlined arms and flat (but still five-digited) hands.

"Sooo, wha’d’ya think?" Alexis asked, wiggling in her usual shoulder-bobbing and foot-bouncing manner, "Pretty cool, right?"

"You're in a dream, by the way..." Seve folds his arms, "So don't start freaking out about your body or whatever..."

What was there for Claire to "freak out" over? Feel scared, maybe, but more so from the environment than her sudden lack of an extra dimension... and the fact two animatronics are apparently alive and had the ability to pull her into places like this. Wait, she's asleep-- on the job!!

"I-I gotta go..." Claire looks at them, "I-I gotta go..."

"Aw, but you just got here..." Alexis pouts, then smiles again, "I know! Would a change of area make ya feel better?"

"I-I wanna wake up, s-so I don't get into trouble..."

"But why wake up, when..." Alexis pauses for a nonexistent drumroll, "... I can make dreem soda pools!"

She turns to the water, and it goes from blue to green.

"Aw yeah," Seve grins, "now we're talkin'!"

He runs toward it, only for Alexis to summon a giant flypaper underneath him and catch him.

"Ah, ah, ah, Mister..." she wags her finger, "That's for our guest and new dream buddy! Don't be rude..."

"Aw, come on!" Seve struggles in the paper, "What if she doesn't even like it?! I do! Ugh..." he gives up, hanging his shoulders, "You always gotta keep me from everything good... Ain't it bad enough you always deny me my nachos?!"

“Come on," Alexis takes Claire's wrist, "you'll love it!"

"Hey, I'm yellin' at ya here!!"

Claire literally digs her heels in, but Alexis remains unfazed and continues her skipping.

"I wanna wake up...!" Claire begs, "I wanna wake up...!"

Was Alexis dragging her to a pool full of soda or away from the checkout aisle's candy...? The young doe stops and frowns at Claire's struggling. Even when she was simply standing still, Claire couldn't break free from her grasp nor even pull Alexis toward her... 

"Hey..." Alexis tries, "I-It doesn't have to be dreem soda... I can make it something else ya like."

Claire didn't simply blur, but completely erased the line between reasonably concerned adult and fussy child: she wouldn't stop pleading to be woken back up, to the point of tears even. She couldn't lose this job, she just couldn't! It's scary to get yelled at, like for "sleeping on duty"; and if she couldn't be a security guard, she'd probably have to go back to working in a store or somewhere else people can again subject her to who-knows-what... Social media certainly proved that things had gotten worse, and Claire wondered if she could've been someone filmed for humiliating content. She didn't want the chance to find out...

Her worries are replaced with a new one: the disappearance of her mouth. Claire felt only smooth skin, as Alexis' horn lost its glow after the fired beam. Seve then rolls over, now a sticky paper burrito.

He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, welcome to my world, lady..."

"Sorry, but I didn't know how else to make ya stop," the doe shrugs, then presses a finger to Claire's (lack of a) mouth, "Now, shhhh... Just trust us, silly, we won't let'cha get fired!"

"Yeah, like heck we're lettin' you go so easily..." Seve growls, "We need to keep an eye on ya and make sure you're keepin' quiet about things. Kinda prefer to have ya within reach, if ya know what I mean... Don't think Lex is entirely right about us not leaving the pizzeria, by the way."

It wasn't a loss of mouth that mortified Claire. It's not like she used hers much, anyhow. What did terrify her: if Alexis could erase part of her face, what else could she do to Claire? Not to mention, Seve may have some capabilities himself, but Claire certainly has none. She's scared to so much as blink, lest Alexis feels that "more" needs to be done for Claire to listen. Before Alexis does anything else, she uses a red crayon to draw a smile onto Claire's face and with a proper, "Veee-oooop…!" to boot.

"There, that's better!" she tosses it to the side, "Now, it's gonna be fine, silly girl. We'll know when to wake you up, so no one's gonna see you're also being a sleepy girl..." Alexis then pulls Claire close, to whisper into her ear, "We know where anyone inside the building is and when..."

Fazbear Entertainment, in their modernization of things, decided to revive their original idea from the 1980's: animatronics that could identify and engage with people. Back then, it involved access to criminal databases-- pedophiles mostly --and the most basic of facial recognition to separate humans from fellow machines. With said modernized times, Seve and Alexis had been built beyond simple scanners within the eye: they shared the local Fazbear gang's "motion sensors," both ultrasonic and infrared. When the machines were deemed safe enough for the privilege of walking around again, they needed an enhanced ability to sense their surroundings and find fellow "partygoers" to entertain. It had become a standard addition to all modern Fazbear animatronics, even if their engagement was intended strictly for the stage, like Seve and Alexis. The two didn't even need to see Claire to know she was there with them, they only needed someone for the "echo frequencies" to bounce off of or some manner of heat.

Or, as Alexis herself described it...

"We can see you as a giant red blob, or you can sound kinda 'loud' or 'quiet' if you're somewhere else. But here, we just know where you are. We can prove it to ya, if it'll help you feel better. Come on, let's wake up!"

-------

Claire finds herself back in reality and on the floor. She sits up and feels her face, relieved it has all of its features again. She looks up at the two smiling and frowning down at her. Alexis' idea of "proving" their sensing abilities came in the form of hide-and-seek: Claire finds some spot to hide, while the duo counts, but with all of them doing their best to avoid the cameras. After all, it could seem concerning if any footage revealed Claire hiding like some danger was present, and Seve and Alexis' case is rather self-explanatory. To prove they're not just using the cameras to cheat, Alexis pushes the other two out of the office and shuts both doors-- rolling herself out the left one just in time. Seve folds his arms and raises an eyebrow (or mechanical eyelid) at her.

"... Didja forget about the vent?"

"... Oh yeah..." She holds her chin and nods, before grinning at Claire, "Go on, go hide!"

"And don't even think about sneaking out," Seve points at her, "If we get sent to the scrapyard 'cause of ya, you're comin' with us..."

"... Do humans go there when they die?"

"Eh, she gets the idea. RIGHT?"

Claire nods, holding her hands up. She then quickly flips around and walks away. She looks over her shoulder as she proceeds, seeing the two crouch down in the corner and count in unison-- or try to.

"Ow, don't do it that loudly and right in my ear!"

"Sorry Seve, it has to be loud enough for her to hear, too."

Claire eventually chooses a spot that hid in a camera's blind spot: in the loose vent of the women's restroom. It was a tighter squeeze, but Claire's petite frame managed easily. It also helps when there are two animatronics that you're scared of-- one more than the other. Even if they weren't planning on harming her upon discovery, the idea of being sought out by such startling technology was unnerving. Claire went inside backwards, so her little blonde bob was a few good inches from the grate. She wanted to minimize the amount of cobwebs and dust on her head, preferring it on her pants and shoes. For the final touch, she pulls the grate into place, making it seem like it was always on. Claire then hears the door open, but doesn't peek. She then hears knocking on the grate.

"Helloooo... Anybody home?"

Claire doesn't respond to Alexis, she just feels anxious. It wasn't that long after she crawled in here, but they found her spot already?! There's harsher knocking now, and Seve being responsible is no surprise.

"Hey, open up! We know you're in there. Unless you wanna tell us it's actually a giant rat we're hearin' through these holes and seein' some red from..."

The grate had thin bars that were perfect for frequencies to pass through, and Claire could see part of Seve's left red eye looking at her. Alexis then pushes past Seve and pulls the grate off, leaning inside and grinning at Claire.

"See? We just had to remember which way we 'heard' ya and take a little peek!" she grabs Claire's wrist and pulls her out, "So come on, let's get back to being dream buddies!"

Claire found herself dragged the entire way back, Alexis ensuring to avoid the cameras that panned around... and then she waited for Seve to open the office back up, after forgetting she shut both doors and made only the vent a proper entrance. Once that's done, she thanks him and continues dragging Claire. The poor girl doesn't even try to resist, accepting her fate as a fellow "dream buddy."

"Okay, back to sleep!"

Claire's heart sinks, as Alexis grins down at her. Even if Claire didn't risk being caught asleep on the job, she recalled Alexis effortlessly erasing her mouth in those dreams. Who knows what else she might do to Claire?! Better she doesn't worry about what she has no choice in, however. Alexis then kneels down and hums that familiar tune, pulling Claire's head onto her lap: she hugs the other's skull and lays her own soft head against it. Claire's eyes flutter a little, before she finally succumbs to Alexis' sedating abilities.

---

Claire opens her eyes and realizes she's of that cartoonish and two dimensional body again. The once-robotic goats have returned to that cartoon appearance themselves: Seve folds his noodle-like arms and maintains the stretched frown under his pointy muzzle, while Alexis smiles up at her and continues doing that "wiggle dance" with her hands at the side.

"Sooo, are ya convinced?" Alexis grins, "I promise we'll wake up, as soon as someone else comes in... Or, when you're supposed to leave."

"Don't think about making it a permanent goodbye," Seve points at her, "if you ain't back tomorrow night, I'm gonna get real suspicious..."

"Seve, stop being so silly already; of course she's not gonna go away forever or do anything to hurt us, we're dream buddies now!"

There was also Claire's lingering fear and belief in Seve's abilities. He was the one who found an alternative way into the office... It's not like she lived far away from the pizzeria, either. But that's not why Claire took a silent, deep breath: she had to point out another concern and work up that courage.

"... What about when I have to walk around...?"

Once again, Alexis stands on her toes and aims her long ear toward Claire's quiet voice. Claire repeats it for her, while Seve groans and facepalms.

"Would ya learn how to speak up already?" he huffs, "Preferably, before I just jam a megaphone into your yap?"

"Yeah, Seve and I won't make fun of how ya talk, or anything like that if you're worried!" Alexis pats Claire's face, "But anyway, of course we'll let ya wake up to still do whatcha gotta!" Alexis grabs her wrist, "But for right now, come check out our neat park here! So, about that dreem soda pool... And Seve, remember to be polite..."

"The most 'polite' you're gettin' is me sharin'... Something you could learn to do."

"Come on, Seve, it's not like you'll die if you don't eat enough nachos..."

"You sure act like you will, ya hog!"

If there was that "fourth wall" of a recording camera or audience, this would be when Claire stares anxiously toward it. Poor girl, not only met with the scary reality of living robots, but now she has to stand at the center of their bickering-- literally, even. Claire kneels before the filled trench, dipping a finger in. Fizzy and bubbly, sticky... Claire didn't imagine it'd feel good to actually swim in it, especially not the inevitable tangled and clinging hair.

"Go on, silly, don't be shy!"

Claire's eyes widen as she falls in, the shoving Alexis having been too eager to finally get their "dream buddy" in on the fun. Claire easily swam back to the surface, gasping for air. She went from nervous fear to upset fury; although, she remained quiet as ever.

"So, wha'd'ya think?" Alexis calls, "Pretty cool, right?"

Claire floats in place, but turns herself away: she now glares down at the green "waters" than Alexis herself. Alexis shouldn't force someone into pools (or soda) like that, and Claire naturally wants to punch anyone who behaves “aggressively” toward her-- even if the offensive action wasn't in a hostile nor threatening manner!

"Cannon ball!!"

Seve splashes in, close to Claire and drenching her. Well, Claire could be a bit more forgiving of that: it didn't remind her of anything bad and she was already soaked. However, it didn't alleviate her mood, either, so she just slowly swam off. When Claire looked up, after reaching the other side, her gaze met Alexis' grin. The goat lay on her stomach, holding her head up and lightly kicking her feet.

"Hiyah."

"... Hi..."

Alexis frowns, knowing something's wrong; though, she's aware Claire isn't still terrified.

"Aww, it's Seve's job to be all grumpy..."

"And who's fault is that, usually?"

"Seve, I'm busy trying to make a happy girl, from a--" Alexis grabs Claire's cheek and shakes it, "--grumpy girl..."

Claire winces, but doesn't smack her away and only glares.

"Come on, you're having fun..." Alexis grins again, releasing Claire's cheek and wiggling some hooved fingers against her shoulder, "Yes you are..."

Seve smiles, glad someone else is being annoyed by Alexis for once. He shifts onto his back and performs the appropriately named strokes, swimming away and gargling the tasty green liquid.

"You are..." Alexis giggles and keeps poking the back of Claire's head, "'Cause if you aren't, I'll help ya..."

Claire's wide-eyed fear returns, her recalling that this is the goat who's able to do anything in this dreamscape. Claire tries to swim away, but Alexis "battle cries" (or "battle laughs") and pounces onto her: the giggling goat and eye-shutting woman descend into the carbonated mass, before Claire resurfaces and gasps with a laughing goat on her back. Claire pulls herself and Alexis back onshore, the young doe still giggling (literally) in her ear. Alexis even kept poking the poor woman's head.

"Come on, you know you don't wanna stay grumpy... Especially not when I can do more..."

"NO!"

"Well, wha'd'ya know...?" Seve floats over on his back, "She does have a voice..."

It was for good reason, too: Claire hated that sticky and nose-burning substance-- she didn't even know carbonation could do that without consumption! She also despised Alexis' rough means of forcing her to partake in the "fun"... She wanted to wake up again, but less from fears of work-related trouble. In fact, she felt close to wishing some angry higher-up caught her snoozing and would shake her awake. ... Okay, maybe not to that extent, given what could follow in terms of career options, but still! Claire just sits there, crossing her arms and deciding there's nothing more she can do than display her fury. She looked ready to argue that Alexis was being a jerk, "times infinity plus one!" Luckily, the doe didn't need the vocalization to realize she might be just a little bit annoying...

"... Don't be grumpy, please...?" Alexis hops off and leans toward Claire, holding her hands together, "I'm sorry if I wasn't being very nice..."

Claire keeps pouting, but does look at her. Alexis suddenly changes her frown: she crosses her eyes and hangs her purple tongue through her opened grin. Hey, that wasn't fair: she did that to force Claire into a small smile! Claire looks away.

"Nope, I saw that!" Alexis giggles, pressing a finger into Claire's right cheek, "You do want to have fun! We just gotta find the right kinda 'fun' for you," Alexis leans back and retracts her hoof, "Well, since it's not soda pools..."

She snaps her fingers and the trench returns to normal water, much to Seve's dismay.

"Hey, I think soda-filled stuff's fun!"

"Sorry Seve, but we're having Claire-styled fun!"

"Great, what kind of fun could you possibly think up...?" Seve climbs onshore, shaking himself dry, "You gonna make Alexis create some newspaper coupons to cut out, or are we gonna play the ol' 'Quiet Game’?"

"I gotta warn ya," Alexis pats Claire's back, "Seve likes playing that one a lot, so I'm the 'Quiet Queen'!"

"Too bad ya don't like playing it all the time..."

"The Quiet Queen can only play for so long, Seve," Alexis pats his head sympathetically, "Besides, we've got so many other things we could do here!" she leans toward Claire, "Like...?"

Claire couldn't deny the natural endorphins that come with saving money, but she vastly preferred the in-store experience of seeing something on a natural sale; however, it's pointless within a dream than real life, and it's not exactly Claire's ideal way of playing and having fun with others. Video games, outdoor games, discussing cartoons... Now that was a good time with another, especially with someone like these two.

"... American football?"

"Don'tcha just mean 'football'...?" Seve asks, "Why the 'American'?"

"'Cause it usually means 'soccer' without it..."

"... Whatever, football-- or, 'American football' is fine."

"That sounds fun!" Alexis cheers, "I'll make one right now!"

Claire falls after it bounces off her skull.

"Oops, sorry..."

"Heh, usually that's me..." Seve smirks, looking at the rising Claire, "Between that and keeping her occupied, I think we might get along after all..."

Well, at least they both now seem to be fond of Claire's company, more or less-- especially as she doesn't want to feel Seve's wrath... The trio run around, throwing the purple rhombus-like ball to each other: Seve incorporated parkour into his catches and throws, Alexis would use portals to pop out and interact with the ball, and Claire would simply do the natural way of running and jumping.

"Hey, quit cheatin', Lex, she threw that to me!"

"I'm not 'cheating,' you just weren't fast enough!"

"Come on, you've been a real ball-hog lately!"

Seve managed to grab the ball and vies with his portal-floating friend. Naturally, Alexis retaliates with her own tugging.

"Hey, cut it out, Seve; I've got a right to catch it, too!"

"Yeah, when you actually let us get a chance, too!"

Should Claire intervene or stand aside? An adult should help fighting kids, but she also preferred to not play "favorites" nor needlessly center herself in their arguments.

"Give it, Lex!"

"Bleehhhh...!"

"That's it!!"

Seve tackles the tongue-displaying Alexis off her portal's draft, as they roll around and fight for the ball... the very same ball that flew out of Alexis' grip and was instinctively caught by Claire. The two stopped when noticing, then started calling out and waving their arms. Claire didn't want to pick, so she simply punted it-- right into a floating bubble above that wouldn't be returning it anytime soon... Oops.

"... What: if Alexis and I can't share, no one gets it...?"

"Sorry..."

"Aww, that's okay!" Alexis smiles, then semi-whispers toward Claire, "Seve here was starting to be a liiiiittle bit of a sore player..."

"You mean you were starting to be a large cheater!"

"Anyway, time to wake up now!"

Alexis snaps her fingers.

-----

Claire opens her eyes and sits up. Seve and Alexis also awaken, but all are back to their normal human and robotic beings. Claire looks at the clock and sees her shift is just about to end.

"See? Just like I promised," Alexis giggles, "you get to wake up whenever ya need to. After all..." she whispers into Claire's ear, "Seve and I know your schedule, we usually saw you before they got rid of the curtain and other construction stuff."

Many a night prior would the animatronic goats stand in their unfinished area: sometimes they'd be bold enough to peer past the curtain to see with their eyes instead of sensors, other times they'd take the safer approach of relying on sounds (actual or "frequencies") and heat signatures to examine all around them. A little security guard making her rounds was bound to get their attention, even if simply being the only person around when the place shut down for the night. Seve and Alexis also had an internal sense of time, so they could be ready for when their show would happen for those less interested in Freddy and friends. In the breaks between their programmed routine, Seve and Alexis could occupy themselves with a quick dream adventure, under the guise of currently being "inactive" before or after each show. Now, they had another fun way to pass the time, even if just during the night; but they'd rather not behave recklessly about which people could be trusted to not freak out and try scrapping the sentient AI.

“Welp, Seve and I have to go back, too, now! See you tomorrow…”

Claire watches them leave, presumably back to their stage. Time for her to head over and let the opening staff in soon…

[End Chapter]

*******

I've decided to forego the "fancy fonts" of italicization and all, so a heads-up for the noticeable change. Don't worry, I know how to replace said italicization and all when it'd normally be used. It's good to see them getting along, huh? ... Perhaps they're getting along TOO well... But for the time being, it's your standard friendship where everyone's happy and it's completely healthy... and safe.

Some help to make keeping track of the chapters, new and old, easier:

[darknessawaits28]

~Echoes of the Obsessed~ Chapter 1

Summary: Damion (Pedro Pascal oc) was the sweetest man that Beth had ever met. She had recently gone through a bad breakup with her boyfriend of 4 years, so when she was hit with this magnificent blessing, she couldn't stand by idly and watch another woman take this man. Of course, she was skeptical and maintained her distance, not wanting to overwhelm him, but, little did she know, that only made him want her more. He couldn't get enough of her, wanted her tied down for his enjoyment only. And therefore, a stalker was born.

Characters: Beth (main protagonist), Damion (stalker), Ita (Beth's mother), George (Beth's father), Andrew (Beth's brother), other characters that will be named in the story below.

Warnings: Contains some scenes of smut, aka. Jacking off, using words like cock, pussy, cunt, etc. There might be use of force such as strangling, tying hands together, etc. Also, there is use of profanity (fuck, shit, etc.). Viewer Discretion Highly Advised! (In the next chapters)

Thank you lovies for taking the time to read my story and for all your love and support! Thank you again lovies and Enjoy! ;3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Welcome to Fairfield Market, where our prices are affordable compared to our competitor's" The woman on the loudspeaker spoke as Beth casually entered the supermarket.

"Fuck, I knew my brother was right about that man, only cared for himself" Beth sighed, trying to compose herself and not fog her glasses up with tears. "But of course, I had to go for him, because he seemed genuine at first, but later was a fucking disaster!" As Beth kept mumbling to herself, she grabbed a shopping cart and headed down the isles, trying to find some junk food to stuff her face, and maybe some food she could cook later for the week. "Gosh, gonna stuff my face again, fuck my life" she sighed, grabbing 2 Doritos Spicy Nacho flavor and a regular cheesy Dorito; they were on sale. "God I hope they have that soda on sale, been wanting a nice cold Baja Blast." As Beth headed down the soda isle, she heard someone calling from behind her.

"Sweetheart, hey, you dropped your wallet!"

"Huh?" Beth quickly turned around to see this hunk of a man rushing after her with her pink wallet and wearing such a handsome piece of clothing.

"Heh, damn, you're a fast walker" The man panted heavily, looking at her with such a sweet smile. "Good thing that I saw you lose this, who knows who could've taken it and spent all your money."

"Oh my gosh, thank you, I didn't even notice it falling out of my purse!" Beth sighed in relief, grabbing it from the man and opening up her handbag and shoving it inside.

"No problem at all sweetheart." "Having a rough day?"

"Yeah....m-my boyfriend of 4 years...broke up with me....so....yeah I'm fucking fantastic!" Beth sniffled, tears beginning to pool down her cheeks and fog up her glasses.

"O-Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, don't cry" the man tried to calm her down, slowly grabbing her glasses from her face and wiping her tears away with the sleeve of his shirt.

Taken aback by this gesture, she pulled away slightly, finding it awkward that this stranger was being so 'nice' to her.

"Sorry, I did not mean to overstep...here" he cleared his throat, cleaning her glasses with the conveniently placed cloth he had in his back pocket. "There ya are."

"T-Thank you" Beth smiled cutely, grabbing her glasses and putting them back on her face. "I-I'm sorry I just am not used to such kindness."

"No need to apologize, I understand." "And I know it ain't none of my business, but I'm pretty sure that asshole you dated, did not deserve one bit of you."

"Heh, thank you" she giggled, cracking a smile when he reassured her. "Yeah, he didn't, I'm glad though that he didn't tell me to wear make up or put my hair down in order for me to look beautiful, because that would've seriously messed up my life even more."

"Even if he said that, you are perfectly fine being natural sweetheart, no reason to be ashamed of how you look like" The man chuckled, fixing his shirt a bit.

"Well, thank you again, I truly appreciate this talk, but I'm going to get some more junk food, and probably some food so I can cook for the week."

"Of course, my name is Damion by the way, if we uh....ever see each other again."

"Oh you know what, here, let me give you my number" Beth smiled as she grabbed a small notepad that had unicorns littered all over it, and began to write her number.

"That notepad by the way, is so adorable" Damion snickered.

"Oh heh, thanks, here you go...I hope um that it's not too much to be giving you my number."

"Nonsense, it isn't that much, I'm honored to meet someone new on my travels" Damion chuckled, grabbing the note with her number on it.

"Oh and my name's Beth, a pleasure to meet you Damion!"

"A pleasure to meet you too, and enjoy your shopping."

"Thanks, you too" Beth waved goodbye to him and continued down the soda isle to grab her soda.

As she continued down the isle, Damion's smile faded and his eyes stared at her from across the way. Not a stare of intrigue but a stare of hunger and obsession. When she was fully out of his sight, he pulled the note close to his nose and sniffed the delicious perfume scent that lingered on it, "Mmm fuck, she smells so good" he groaned, his pants tightening in reaction.

After about half an hour, Beth pushed her cart towards her red car, unlocking it and heading towards the trunk. "Damn, I bought way too much soda, but ya know, whatever!" she laughed as she began to load her trunk with the light stuff first.

As Damion walked out of the supermarket, he causally strolled on by her and then pretended that she had caught his eye, "Oh hey again, uh I noticed you have some of those cases of soda, do you need some help with that?"

"Oh, hey again Damion, and um, sure yeah that would be amazing!" Beth smiled, moving away from her trunk to allow him to help her. "So funny we caught up to each other again" she laughed, opening up her passenger door to put her purse in.

"Yeah I was just getting some few things and then walked right out, then I saw you, and seemed like you needed some help" he spoke to her, making sure that she wasn't looking and put a circular tracking device in the crevice of the trunk.

"Well honestly, you are a life saver, I am honestly glad we met" she told him, closing the passenger door when she was finished.

"Same here" Damion smiled cutely, putting the last case of soda in her trunk and then slowly closed it. "I'll put your cart away sweetheart, you just have a nice day, you deserve it."

"You are literally the sweetest, thank you Damion, hopefully we can talk again soon, bye!" Beth waved to him again as she got into her car and turned it on, making sure that she had everything before she left.

As Damion went to put back the cart, he glanced back, seeing she began to pull out of the parking lot and headed down the road. "She seems so sweet and so delicious" he chuckled to himself, fixing his hat a bit, readying himself to do some reconnaissance of her house; get a first hand view of her home, her life, and maybe potentially find that boyfriend that made her fucking shed a tear. He knew that she was a stranger, that they had just met, but something deep within him, wanted more; he wanted more of her kindness, wanted to hear more of her voice, and wanted to kiss every inch of her body until she was his forever.

[ofwrxth]

Jakob isn't oblivious to the way Nacho feels about him. In another world, where he had a sister instead of a brother, Jakob might've felt the same. As it stands, he can appreciate Nacho's protectiveness over Ines because, really, Jakob feels the same way. He's determined not to let anything happen to her and thinks that if Nacho can't get behind him, at least he can get behind that.

He rubs his jaw in consideration, glancing back at the base while he does so. "Wasn't so solid for the people who were there before us." Jakob replies simply. They'd arrived and taken refuge before finding the bodies. Clearly victims of a monster attack. "But...you're not wrong." He relents the point easily because even with the storm in his mind, Jakob can see reason like a ray of sun parting clouds. The base is better than the town. Fortified enough for them to make plans. "And I'm not suggesting we leave or anything like that. Not right now. We just..." he shrugs, glancing over at Nacho. "You see what's happening, right? Everyone doing everything to make it home. And it's not." Not until Max is back with him. Not until Santiago is back with his kids.

But it seems that Nacho gets that and Jakob finds himself nodding. "A fallback, yeah. If anything, Newport should've taught us not to put all our eggs in one basket. Fallback makes it easier to regroup." If Jakob knew that Max was safely hiding out with the others at another location, he'd be there in a flash. He wouldn't be going out as a seeker, on runs looking for answers. He'd have them.

He adjusts the strap of the katana slung across his back and hums in agreement. "Hospital would work. Someone mentioned an airport a few weeks ago. Might not be bad either. Airports got fuel and shit too." Maybe some siphoned off but he'd bet there'd be stores of it in an airport too. "That'd solve our problem about going further out." This base had been undersupplied from the start. They'd taken what they could but supplies still run short.

The mention of Bouse has Jakob running his tongue along the inside of his teeth. Maybe not his best decision but...he'd rather have Ines by his side than leave her behind. "Bouse was...unfortunate. But I don't regret it. If that's what you want me to say." He glances at Nacho. "Ines helped. She's able to help. And I'd rather have her by my side than come back and find this place overrun with monsters and have another person I have to find and worry about being okay." It's matter-of-fact and if Nacho has an issue with it, Jakob understands, but he can't risk Ines and he won't budge on the fact that he feels she's safest with him.

"But you're right about going further. Everything in this area has signs of monsters." He gestures around as he says it. "And it's clear they've hit base before. Don't wanna stick around for them try again. Not when we've got so many people we're still searching for."

No one likes the guy hooking up with their sister. That's just facts. Nacho can't help it, his jaw tenses slightly around Jakob and he watches him a little closer. Has done ever since Newport. But, then Nacho sees the way Ines smiles around him. The way her posture eases a little, like something makes sense to her when she's with the Hunter. Nacho doesn't get it, but he sure as hell knows he has no right to question it.

He listens as he walks with Jakob, and he can see his thinking easily. Newport got built up just to get torn down in a night, and now they're doing the same at the base. Building it up, brick by brick like it might be the only thing that outlives them all. But, he kisses his teeth, offering a lazy sort of shrug as they walk. "I dunno, man. Nothin' really more solid than an air force base, you feel me?" but his tone suggests he doesn't hate it. Nacho's still considering it as his hands slip into his pockets. "It ain't the worst plan, though. A lil fallback place. Split some supplies between here and there. People know where they gotta go if shit goes down." he's thinking aloud but not quite all of his opinions are so freely given.

"Shit, you know what we gotta find?" he glances to Jakob then, a slap to his chest with the back of his hand. "Not a town, man. A buildin' or somethin'. Like...a hospital, huh?" he nods upwards, like he's already expecting Jakob to agree with him. "But, yeah, I'm in. We gotta start headin' further out than fuckin' Bouse." and with that, his eyes narrow again. He didn't say anything at the time, knowing Ines was desperate to get out there. And Jakob, in his infinite wisdom, let her tag along. His expression says enough, but Nacho fixes his gaze ahead soon after that. "Problem is fuel though, ese. Need to figure that out first, or Charlie ain't gonna listen to shit."

[starbuck]

okay, so, by popular demand (literally just @thegreatblondebalrogslayer, but thank you for asking ilysm), here is my explanation for the Nacho and Tuco forced autocannibalism joke I made the other day:

When I first watched Better Call Saul and was reintroduced to Tuco, I immediately noted how much more chill he is compared to him in Breaking Bad and my first thought was “what happened to you?” (or, you know, “happens,” I guess, because Prequel Fun!).

But, the important thing to note here is that I said this phrase out loud in the EXACT horrified tone that Boyd says it to Hart in Ravenous. And what happened to Hart? He was forced into cannibalism! (Do you see where I’m going with this??)

So basically, although I felt the more likely answer to “what happens to Tuco between now and Breaking Bad to make him Like That?” was “betrayal,” I had this whole inside joke with myself that it was going to be forced cannibalism, even though that didn’t make any contextual sense whatsoever.

Then I got to what actually happens and, naturally, I had to take a minute to pat myself on the back for guessing the betrayal part correctly. But, as I did this, it occurred to me that this particular manner of betrayal (tricking Tuco into getting himself arrested) is more-or-less forced autocannibalism, in a metaphorical sense anyway, so I was kind of right on both counts!

And so, when I saw this post (which, of course, has nothing to do with any of that - I am SO sorry op), I simply Could Not Help Myself. And that’s how we got here!

[genocidehim]

Tuco falling in love with a waitress at the restaurant

notes: reader is female. words: 631

That argument with that damn dealer had put Tuco in a bad mood. Normally, that kind of problem didn't hurt the business, but that the asshole had been caught by the police while selling cocaine really got on Tuco's nerves, especially when he noticed that most of his workers were useless.

Nacho drove in silence as he took Tuco to Michoacano for the final collection of the month. It would be just two quiet hours where Tuco would have the opportunity to rest from the headaches while enjoying a cup of coffee. When they arrived, they noticed that the place was somewhat crowded, and that wasn't good. While Tuco waited outside, Nacho went in and spoke with the restaurant owner to clear the people out and keep the space empty away from prying eyes and ears. Within minutes, the customers left in a bad mood as the restaurant "closed" unexpectedly.

Tuco entered without bothering to greet the owner, took a seat at one of the tables in the middle, and Nacho sat beside him as they discussed how much money they expected to make that day.

You came out of the storage room with a broom and a shovel to clean the floor, wearing the restaurant's apron, and you seemed scared enough not to look at those two. As you tried to make as little noise as possible while sweeping the floor. Tuco noticed you instantly.

He hadn't seen you before, although, well, if he thought about it, he had never seen any other worker in the restaurant while he was there doing his job. He never risked having someone he didn't trust overhear his conversations. But when he saw you, he didn't feel bothered by your presence. Somehow, you managed to generate some interest in him when your anxious gaze did everything possible to avoid rising from the ground and looking at him, how you seemed somewhat clumsy while sweeping the floor due to the panic of being in the same place as those two. Tuco smiled playfully; you were interesting and cute enough to catch his attention.

Nacho didn't take long to hear your soft steps and turned to you with a stern look and a severe tone. "Didn't you hear, girl? The restaurant is closed, get out like your colleagues did."

"I'm sorry, I just… I need to clean the place before leaving…"

"Drop the damn broom and get out."

Tuco stopped Nacho and gave him a severe look, as if he was annoyed by how he had spoken to you.

"Let her finish, she's just cleaning the floor."

Nacho looked visibly confused by Tuco's request, even more so when he gave him a bewildered look and noticed the expression on Tuco's face, an expression he had never seen on him; he seemed fascinated.

You continued cleaning the place in silence, making a great effort not to be a nuisance. However, your presence didn't go unnoticed.

"Niña" Tuco raised his voice, capturing your and Nacho's attention, "Come here for a moment."

Your skin instantly tingled, and you feared receiving a reprimand for something. However, you obeyed and went to his table.

"Yes, sir?" When your gaze met Tuco's, he felt ecstatic.

Tuco smiled cunningly and observed you from below where he was sitting, his gaze traveled over your body and then returned to your eyes. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

When you gave him your name, he smiled complacently, and Nacho seemed to be witnessing something surreal by the stupefied expression on his face.

"I'm Tuco, delighted."

He extended his hand towards you and when you took it the size difference became present, he smiled as he firmly shook your small hand, feeling quite pleased to have you so close and almost submissive. He really was interested in you.

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Save the World Retrospective Part 4: Abe Lincoln Must Die! (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my sam and max telltale retrospective extravaganza! We're onto part 4 and it's time to get presdietnal as a dark horrifying power rises … no not that one.. no not that one either… this one's more rabit shaped. And he's OSTENSIBLY the lesser of two evils as for our heroes must stop a giant lincoln backed by a shadowy conspiracy. it's going to take mudslinging, soda torture, deciet, jaunty musical numbers, misproration of goverment funds and a good old fashioned musical number to win the day ! Can our heroes do it? Well yeah i'm playing them, but go under the cut for the how, the why and the hairpulling of Abe Lincoln Must Die!

Abe Lincoln Must Die.. is a mixed chapter. The writing is easily the best so far, somehow topping the already great mob the moll and the meatball with lots of great political jokes, regular jokes and one of the most delightfully bonkers scenarios i've seen in a game or anywhere: a sociopath rabbit thing going up against the lincoln memorial for president, with TONS of humor from both parties. It's never not intresting, full of funny and has a kickass musical number.

So then why is it mixed? Well it's simple.. the writing is at it's best and ends great, setting up the next chapter well… but the actual gameplay is

I had to rely on the guide a LOT with this one, sometimes due to impatience.. but a lot of it being that the solutions were just really vauge. There is a LOT to do and a lot of places to go, with the white house and i'ts lawn being pretty expansive, and it being kind of a pain to get back in the desoto for this one as the driver's side's obscured so it takes a while to have sam walk to it and there is a LOT of going back and forth between there and the office. It gets overwhelming fast. It's not helped that this chapter is more linear: you THINK it would but the more open ended nature of the previous two meant their even bigger environments weren't an issue and you were encouraged to just explore. Here your stuck between two environments that take forever to get out of as you have to click on the door and have sam walk all the way to it. Even with a guide it slows it way down. The settings here aren't bad but by not giving the player as much flexibility it makes them frustrating and repttive rather than fun.

It's not TERRIBLE, the humor, the dialouge options, and the sheer variety help, but it's certainly the weakest chapter so far. I thought the game giving you at on of options was a problem.. but it turns out it's way worse when it gives you those BUT a narrow goal to acomplish with them. It's why this chapter's so frustrating: it should be excellent but drawbacks they shoudl've been ready to acomidate for are there and really hold this one back. So with the actual analysis as a game out of the way, let's look at the story

The opening.. is a thing of beauty. The Bug returns, with Sam and Max using his vast powers exactly how you'd expect: for prank calls. It's only when the Chief calls does the fun stops: the president is passsing a bunch of irrational laws and generally loosing it so our heroes need to go put a stop to it. Insert your own joke about you know who here, though this president is more bush than trump flavored, which for the record are nacho cheese covered mild slim jim for the former and pralines and dick for the later.

Our heroes head to the white house, where they have to get past the MVP of this episode, Agent Superball. Superball is a taciturn, unfun dude.. who also happens to listen in on stage whispers and asides as part of his job, only gets federal holidays off and is in general a delight. Thankfully one of his many, MANY, duties is answering the payphone, so a simple call to it using the bug distracts him long enough to get in.

The Oval Office itself.. isn't any more helpeful. The duo , given the last three adventures, figure four's a charm and the president has been hypnotized, but naturally it's a bit hard to just wack the leader of the free world upside the head to fix that. Not helping is Agent Cuddles, who was one of the mafia bears last time.. and was the one in the omnious stinger, now taking position as this episode's big bad and our heroes general poking around is suspcious and gets them thrown out

This is something I really like about the white house setting: it's the rare time when their freelance police credintials mean nothing that isn't either for comedy's sake (the stage manager refusing to let them past) or simply one of the villians of the peace not respecting thier authoratah. I mean granted if it did this series chapters would be way shorter and way less funny, but it's still one of the few times their really out of options for a moment… if only a moment because our heroes are saved by walking pee joke and dollar store squeaky voiced teen, Whizzer, and for once. .i'm actually HAPPY he's here

Yeah i'm as suprised as you, but after the suffering of having to hear him sing and the hours spent getting my ears counseling from the experience, we get payback as you serve as his translator since the President can't heart at frequencies that high. or i'ts just funny and makes for the series best gag since "Cookin without Lookin'. As a result you basically get to troll the voice that makes dogs run in terror who don't have hats with build in sound baffling for occasions such as this or max playing the sousaphone at 2am with various blatantly wrong and offensive answers , from picking a fight outright to declaring war, it's all good stuff and the actual solution is great. Whizzer is there as a former soda addict, so simply get him a drink, and he acts like this soda is

I mean I get it i'm also a soda junkie. I just dont announce my bathroom breaks. Sam makes him think the war room is a piss closet, he's escorted out and we get to wack the commander in chief upside the head only for him to be a ROBOT! Yeah while I knew going in he wasn't going to be the main antagonist, the title also helps, it's still a nice misdirect as you assume the episode will be saving the commander THEN a giant stone abe lincoln comes in. Instead the Commander was a cheap puppet, just like the real bush, and Cuddles is surprisingly unphased. Annoyed yes, but since plan A Failed i'ts time for plan B… and this being sam and max instead of "assume the presidency and pin the murder on the furries", it's "bring the lincoln memorial to life as a giant honest abe and have him run in the emergency election" And that is why this franchise rules and is the second best use of abe lincoln behind clone high ladies, gentleman and others. Why frame our heroes for murder and have a drawn out trial that involves Max threatening the judge with a turnip twaddler, when instead you can have our heroes forced to run for president against the lincoln memorial.

And Chief wants them to do just that. He may regret those vauge orders as since Sam got ot answer the phone (love me those phone gags), Max gets to run for president

But to beat the president, we're going to need some suplies so it's back home.

So it's time to check up on our recurring cast: Bosco has gone russian, trying to get the money for a satalite, charging you millions of dollars and being there as usual. So in other words not much has changed except he wears a neat hat now. Sybil however gets her best career yet: Dating Service. As a result we get to play a fun game filling out applications.. .and having the results for Sam and Max be each other. The two claim to never speak of this again because it was the 2000's and having a case of the not gays was considered a joke and not being in hardcore denial about who you two are. Seriously guys just get married.. again. You'll drop the pretense and get a neat tax break you can use to buy that Walrus with a rocket launcher grafted on it's back and chainsaws for flippers you've always wanted. They also find out Syb is desperate of ra date, so using the bug we set her up with Lincoln. We also get some handy signs from our good old friend Hugh Bliss, who is in this again and surely isn't plotting anything. What a nice fellow.

So it's time for a debate between a stone abe lincoln puppeted by a shadowy conspiracy and a lagomorph high on sugar, cocaine and sugar that looks like cocaine. This may be the finest presidetial debate ever witnessed and the only way I can even fathom it being even better was if the third party candidate was this guy

The key to beat abe is to switch his cue cards up, making his poll numbers dip hard dip fast now, and finish it off with a sex scandal… though why the LIncoln Memorial is beholden to his marriage to a mary todd whose long dead I dunno but hey this is sam and max. It works.

Sybil is left heartbroken, whcih is the second time in two episodes we've severely fucked with a close friend and ally for personal gain! Huzzah! The problem is Lincoln's decided to go all ronald regan on us and LINCOLN SMASH.. and since he has the stamina of a golem and not an 80 year old man, we're all in trouble.

The next bit is confusing, as there are a lot of things to manipulate but how isn't very clear: it's clear you need to get the warroom which superball is still keeping you from because goverment, and the national descrionary budget. We also have to deal with ALL THREE soda jerkers

Governeors of North, South and east Dakota. A parody on the oh so timeless trend of celebrities running for office.

The final pieces of this act play out like this: we first go to sybil finding out she's now a carbon dater because she bought a neat gun thingy and accidently thinks her tiki statue is years old. We give her the money for vacation, then swipe the gun, using it on bosco's to find out his hot dogs are paleolithic and thus switch the money ot him, getting the serum. Instead of Delcious Burbon, they get some vodka. Before we use it though I need to mention one thing I keep nearly leaving out: the trophy. After the disapointment from last time this episode MORE THAN MADE UP FOR IT, with LENOARD STEAKCHARMER. That's not a typo: he's still tied up and gagged and as an added bonus he's just shoved into the shelf in the closet. They just keep him there. It's fantastic.

So with our whitest of the white liquors in hand, we get the boys wasted, they declare war on each other and we get the best sequence in the entire series thus far, one i'm doubting will be topped. I'd seen this before getting to this chapter but boy oh boy was it just as good the second time.

It's good for you, it's good for me. Now we've showed the world we've got stones and carriers with fighter drones, we can now use a ribon from the three stooges at home to make superball a secretary of whatever we say he is, all the options are fucking gold, paticuarlly "Secretary of watching this door" (MAX NO), and get him to take a day off. Inside the war room we get a lot of great options including to BOMB THE RUSSIANS (like a boss) and destroy the planet krypton. We also get BOSCO'S as an option, a great gag about them REALLY being after him. Sam understandbly decides not to tell him and steals the beacon for that bomb. We throw it at lincoln in another car chase because they programmed the car stuff dammit, then go back and blow him up real good. Democrcy is saved, lincoln is left just a head and Agent Cuddles is beaten.. and his mysterious master is left destraught. Whose behind all this?

Well okay I do know but stay tuned next time as we jack in, Sam and Max, execute! And thanks for reading.

[thekimspoblog]

I don't really get #Lacho. Maybe if I read "Madman" I would? At least at first blush, I can't agree with it. The homoeroticism in Breaking Bad is so strong, it's not really a problem that both characters are "canonically straight". I mean the cartel is already just such a dick-measuring contest. It's more of a problem that Nacho despises Lalo, in a way that you can't really turn into an enemies-to-lovers story without being problematic. I'm sure Lalo would have sex with Nacho; "it isn't about sex; it's about power" is what they always say. But didn't Nacho suffer enough already? Even in an AU where Lalo reforms himself into something more likeable or he wasn't a monster to begin with, Nacho's whole thing is wanting some distance from the cartel life... to put it mildly.

I'm not into guy-on-guy, but I agree that some of the Tony and Michael fanart is pretty romantic. But past a certain point, you're not even doing art/fiction of the characters anymore. Mostly I just don't want to cast stones at anyone's off-the-wall interpretations of this this franchise. If I want to make "antifa vampire mommy" Kim Wexler a thing, I'm going to have to keep my mind open as well. And besides! I still understand it better than #Laloward.

Remember this is only my opinion you can disagree;]

I don’t know if anyone will agree but, I hate the yaoi fanart of Hannigram and Lacho. As a guy who is actively involved in the Hannibal and Better Call Saul / Breaking Bad fandoms, I am really not comfortable with these types of art. The characters aren’t ruined but it seems as if people miss completely the point of the shows.

Lacho is just… meh and shouldn’t be a ship. Like BRO THEY HAVE NO CHEMISTRY (in my opinion) and I know it’s hard to say, but Nacho Varga and Lalo Salamanca are straight men… who deal drugs and are just cool criminals. I get that there’s not a lot of people you can ship in this fandom, but these are just cool characters and y’all are ruining them with your horny bullshit.

Edit: I removed the lacho tag, you can stop commenting about me being rude. Damn y’all like to attack people who don’t have the same opinion as you.

Hannigram is a ship and it’s a very cool one! I like it, but when it’s done correctly:

There’s 3 whole seasons cooking this delicious soup of nuanced interest between Hannibal and Will. I love this series, especially as an asexual, because it shows sexual intimacy in a much more complex way and from a completely different perspective. At least, it is different from how we usually see it in media.

This intimacy is here to make us observe, these people; them and only them, in the rawest selves, between each other. That’s why it is so important. NBC Hannibal shows different characters in these moments, adding music and interesting visuals; they play with colours and sounds of fungus. Every scene is just so cool to watch and not as awkward as it usually is. I like how it looks like, people are merging in one. Sex scenes, like Alana with Hannibal and Margo with Will’s intimate shots, can also portray something that is happening subconsciously outside the very scene, disassociated from the moment.

(Hannibal spoilers season 3, 13 episode!!!)

Now, the coolest thing is that the relationship between the murder husbands doesn’t need sex. In my opinion, it’s purely intellectual! When it get’s physical its because they’re both killing the dragon. That was their intimate connection, the first time truly being with each other, not divided by two sides. They are one, together versus the dragon. After that, Will sees Hannibal; by that I mean that he sees his whole nature, and he can’t go back. His family is an illusion of something normal, but Will has reached something greater. After feeling Hannibal’s way of viewing the world he feels that he belongs. Of course, after realising that he is now with Lecter; that they are not understood by the world they exist in, both of them need to become even greater than their actual form. They had to die because their love is spiritual. By transcending into a bodyless form.

Hannibal, for me is the sanest character, he is always fine. The only moment when he’s not alright, is when Will “betrays him”. In Florence, Dr. Lecter is reckless, he kills a lot more than he needs to. He sees people, who he consumes, as pigs. It doesn’t feel bad killing them, because they’re just little animals walking around. He of course enjoys their company, humans can be befriended and he spends time with them with pleasure. It is still possible to eat them, except Will. Lecter, after Grahams betrayal, doesn’t trust him anymore. He does not want to show his true self to him anymore. Hannibal regrets opening up after he truly thought that he could be understood. So, Dr. Lecter convinces himself that Will is also just some meat. Yet again, seeing Will, after Florence, being on the same side, when they’re both confronted by Mason, Hannibal sees Will as a partner. A partner in a love crime.

SO NOW PLEASE FUCK OFF WITH YOUR PENCIL DRAWING OF NBC CHARACTERS FUCKING EACH OTHER /ref (welcome to the internet by Bo Burnham)

P.S. I realy like cute mini comics those are cool and funny keep doing them 💪

Again only my opinion, you can disagree, I literally don’t care. I would like to know your opinion actually!

[genderhawk]

So like I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep because if I dont I'll be cranky later today and I have An Outing Scheduled and and I don't wanna be cranky and I scrolled tumblr trying to calm enough to fall asleep and I read this poem

[Image ID: The poem “One Source of Bad Information”, by Robert Bly.  There’s a boy in you about three years old who hasn’t learned a thing for thirty Thousand Years. Sometimes it’s a girl.  The child had to make up its mind How to save you from death. He said things like:  “Stay home. Avoid elevators. Eat only elk.”  You live with this child, but you don’t know it.  You’re in the office, yes, but live with this boy  At night. He’s uninformed, but he does want To save your life. And he has. Because of this boy  You survived a lot. He’s got six big ideas.  Five don’t work. Right now he’s repeating them to you. 

/end id]

And MY, fully personafied, yes I've got DID, inner child was like "RIP to the poet but we're different cause I can actually SOLVE the problems for real real" and I was like "Prove it then" so he said "why are you trying to seel when its too hot and you're itchy and hungry and thirsty? when theres ICE CREAM and you spent like TWO DAYS meal prepping so theres sandwiches and nachos and burritos ready and even more theres ICE CREAMS in the freezer and JUICE WITH RAINBOW DASH ON IT and you could watch kipo also"

so now im gonna drink fruit punch through rainbow dash's head and also eat ice cream at 718 in the morning then eat a sandwich and hopefully then get a little more sleep before my Outing

but i wont be trying to go to sleep hungry and hot and cranky for no reason because like... my kitchen is literally FULL of food I wanna eat and nobody in my house will judge me or harm me for eating it whenever I want and I'm safe and shit

[llycaons]

I may have watched only five new movies this year, but I started or finished at least ten new shows. what can I say, I'm a TV gal*

SHOWS I've watched in 2022 (scored but unranked)

Breaking Bad: 9/10

everyone was obsessed with this show in 2012 or whatever and my older brother still raves about it so I thought, what the hell. and what do you know, it was really good! it was funny! I watched in fascination as a story about an egotistical, immature maniac destroying his own life and the lives of the people around him continued to be a comedy for much of its run

definitely not perfect (treats its Latino characters horribly, kills off too many women, and it got a bit clumsy by the end plotwise) but overall writing is absolutely incredible. I may or may not ever rewatch

Better Call Saul : 6/10

this was a very well-written, critically acclaimed show that for various reasons, I didn’t like as much as I had hoped to. I found the main character whiny and insufferable, some of the scenes were incredibly boring and drawn-out, and some of the acting for minor characters was so bad as to genuinely disrupt the experience (looking at you, stacy). and somehow it took characters I really enjoyed from brba (saul/jimmy and mike) and made them so unlikeable as to be unwatchable

despite my personal tastes not really gelling with the show, I really loved seeing more gus, and new characters like kim, lalo, and nacho were a delight. rather mixed on this one, but I’m ending it with higher than a 5 because I think the ending was pulled off really well

Extraordinary Attorney Woo: 7/10

I’m only halfway through this show because I haven’t had time to go to the gym, which is where I watch it, but it’s a very beautiful story with a strong aesthetic and I’m enchanted by the main character

I‘ve hit a very slow series of episodes with cases I do not care about at all (the railroad through the town) and I’m finding it hard to get the motivation to continue. I’m neutral on most of the side characters. I do really like the love interest, though. and I think I’ll cry when I hit the ending....I saw some gifs and 🥺 I love you woo young-woo

I will have a more complete review when I finish it, but I think the fact that it’s scored higher than bcs is very funny

The Bear: 6/10

this show could have been so much better than it ended up being. ah, what potential! the concept was interesting, the acting and chemistry was great, the stress and misery of a kitchen disaster was very well-executed, the core cast was (mostly) engaging, the humor was (mostly) on point, and the plots were genuinely very compelling

what let the bear down was 1. having an extremely shitty guy in the main cast but not really dealing with how shitty he was beyond well, he sucks but he’s a good dad and he’s one of the guys! he gets it! 2. the ending. instead of an earned, bittersweet, realistic finale appropriate to the story of a man losing his brother and feeling tremendous guilt and responsibility over it, and struggling with both substance use and keeping a small business afloat, there’s this....fairytale wish-fulfillment at play in which all problems are solved through an implausible discovery of hidden treasure. like....what? there’s also  some minor character elements that I found were done clumsily, but these were the big two flaws for me

Interview with the Vampire: 10/10

ohhhh WHAT a show. yes, I’m ranking it higher than breaking bad. I think I actually personally enjoyed this one a little less than brba because I don’t love the storytelling structure or the themes of unreliable narration/storytelling/memory. also I was let down by the armand bait-and-switch and I don’t know why the show kept in louis’s family’s history of owning a plantation at all, but in this case I think that the rest of the show was good enough to make up for it

what can I say that hasn’t already been said? the bold reimagining of a racist old book series into a contemplation on race and identity centered on the experiences of a Black man in 20th century New Orleans, the explicit and very well-executed sexual and romantic relationship between the leads, the lighting, costuming, and set design, the research into the setting, the chemistry between the leads, the dialogue, the incredible acting of all cast members, especially JA and SR, the drama, the gore, the horror, the tragedy, the ending, the perspective from the future - wow! wow!

the best possible type of adaptation from a series with compelling aspects but many issues - I feel grateful to everyone involved that that this show was created and I cannot wait for season 2

Our Flag Means Death: 0.5/10

yeah, I did watch this show, and hated almost every minute of it. followers may remember me forcing myself to just get to the next episode because it was so popular and beloved, I figured there must be SOMETHING there and I felt bad for being a killjoy. TW’s comedy really doesn’t do it for me (I didn’t love WWDITS movie and never watched the tv show), I disliked the acting, the romantic dialogue was overrated and clumsy, and I hated the lead character very deeply

I ended up liking some things about it, but by the end some things were coming to light about the character that TW based the show off of and the most important consideration here is that it’s a rosy, ahistorical view of literal plantation owners and slave traders, and I hope it falls into obscurity as fast as possible. also TW is antiblack so I’m not going to be supporting any of his projects in the future anyway

Kinnporsche: 0.5/10

dear reader, do not watch this show

Can Lan Jue (Love Between Fairy and Devil): ?/10

ohhhh boy. this one is a challenge for me. the main character is a marvel. the humor is phenomenal. the set designs are rich and indulgent, and the costumes are varied and interesting - a feast for the eyes. in many ways, it’s a lovely and relaxing show to go to sleep to, and I have a lot of fondness for it

this current plot I’m in (shenanigans in the mortal world) has plenty of twists to keep it interesting, and surprisingly heartfelt dramatic performances from mainly comical characters

where I really struggle is the plot and character interactions. it had a decently paced beginning, but it slowed down afterwards, and at 23 (of 38) episodes, the plot is finally picking up again. I only watch this show once every few days, so the pacing probably isn’t as glacial as it feels, but it’s still slower than I usually like

the romance has had a very rough start, which I’m looking forward to improving, but which upset me so much that I quit the show more than once, because I find it difficult to be comfortable with couples who have such a history between them

also I want the leads not to date each other and instead get into gay relationships with the mortals they’re trying to set up. but alas. this romcom scenario will end in het marriage (or death? remains to be seen)

final ranking: we’ll see

Mó dào Zǔ shī: 7/10

I cannot remember when I watched this and my search function is failing me, but it’s going here

edit: I watched this in 2021 but fuck it, it was december so close enough

this is also a mixed bag because the first and third season were very strong, but the second season was so bad that there must have been some kind of production issue so I’m not going to hold it against the creators even if it was really comedic in how poor the quality was

right off the bat - I know the characters look like that and I don’t like it either, but you stop noticing after a while. I am much more bothered by the animal designs. like those rabbits??? kind of freaky. the in-show ads for cornetto ice cream were honestly quite funny so I don't mind them. they added to the character of the show

anyway, the donghua was mostly quite good and a fun experience. it captured a lot of the powerful moments from the novel while maintaining more of the original plot than cql did, which made it arguably more coherent than the drama. the animation allowed it to really go ham on the effects like glowing red eyes and flocks of green crows without looking incredibly silly like it would in a live action, which would have marred some of the dramatic tension

the music was absolutely stunning, the backgrounds were meticulously painted, it was well-paced (with exceptions), and the character dynamics were organic and engaging. although censored, there was palpable romantic and sexual chemistry between the leads, and it gave them a sweet ending with a slight twist on the novel. many of the choices for lwj surprised and pleased me (like smiling instead of getting jealous in that one scene). I enjoyed the characterization choices for myu and jc, and the added details for wwx, which were often quite charming (like when he welcomes little apple back with open arms saying how much he missed her, aww)

on the other hand, due to the faithfulness to the novel, some of the scenes come off as confusing or downright silly without proper context, and there are still several homophobic jokes and uncomfortable scenes. jyl is barely a presence, I feel neutral on wen qing’s different personality, and for the most part the characters outside the core cast where pretty blah. and as I said before, the second season is such a disaster that it really hampers the entire story. I don’t know how much sense the plot would make to someone not familiar with the story because so much was cut out and the rest was so rushed and clumsy. but it’s something I would watch again for sure (though it is unknown how much I’d like it)

The Great: 9/10

this one is wild. you really need to be prepared for a LOT (animal cruelty, burning people alive, gore, eye horror, abuse). it’s very good, and I enjoy the acting, costuming, plot, and humor quite a lot. but I haven’t finished it so this ranking is premature, and I feel strangely reluctant to do so now that catherine has actually gained power. it’s emotionally quite draining.

Hunter x Hunter: 8/10

please don’t ask me to talk about this show anymore. I’ve been doing it for over a year now. it was good and I liked it but it had some flaws. I will likely not watch it again. read the manga. that is all <3

*gender-neutral