#There are 2 couples. technically 3. Five people in the way that there are six but one is not significant to the plot

[deepspaceclawstation]

Re: the soulmates post, I just realised that my original-fiction-that-started-as-a-fanfic both affirms and subverts that trope and that I've spent so many agonizing nights poring over all the ways those scenarios could play out

[lazywriter7]

Cap-Ironman Rec Week - Wonderous Wednesday

Strap in for some AU’s everybody! My favourite part of this theme might be that every fanfic is technically someone’s alternate universe, and boy does this ship have some absolute knockouts. one foot in (and one foot back) by kehinki

This isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to Tony, but it's in the top five.

Notes: This feels like one of the first soulmate AU’s I ever read for this ship, and a really formative one. Love the world building, the character progression, and there are a couple scenes that have stayed incredibly clear in my memory over the years of going back to it over and over again. Bulletproof by foxxcub At age fifteen, Steve Rogers had been in love with Tony Stark. By age twenty, he’d (mostly) gotten over it. And then he promptly became Tony Stark's fuck buddy. Notes: It takes real talent to keep the characterisation on-point and the magic alive in a no superpowers AU, but the world and its people is so richly depicted in this fic that it just feels true to Steve and Tony. An old favourite, and one I have much joy revisiting. 

Genesis by teaberryblue

Reluctant to make the truth about their secret weapon known, the American Government tells the world that Captain America is a man named Steve Rogers. According to public record, he died, tragically, in 1945, and he became legend.

In 1998, the Avengers find a body trapped in ice.

She's alive.

Her name is Eve.

She has Captain America's shield. Notes: Like the best kinds of AUs, Eve in this story is so beautifully and identifiably Steve but also different, in such a compelling way. Her journey into the modern world is itself worth the ‘price’ of entry, but then Tony enters the picture! Just love, love, love. The Ghosts of War by scifigrl47 Steven Rogers never wanted to be king, but he knows his duty, and he does it well. Lord Tony Stark, the king's appointed consort, does his duty as well, even though he'd enjoy his duty more if it actually involved sleeping with the king. As it doesn't, he's just resigned. The war that made Steve king and cost him nearly everything may be over, but a meeting of old enemies might stir up some ghosts none of them are prepared for. Notes: Ooh, kings and sorcerers, what’s not to love? I love how well each character here ‘slots’ into their designated role, and how we get some lovely superhero style identity porn but set in this world instead. And of course, both Steve and Tony are note-perfect. Big recommend! Counterpart by sara_holmes coun•ter•part [koun-ter-pahrt] [noun] 1. a person or thing closely resembling another, especially in function. 2. a copy; duplicate. 3. one of two parts that fit, complete, or complement one another.Just because Hydra used the DNA of a Captain America from another dimension to create a lab-grown, six-year-old super-soldier, it doesn't mean that said six-year old super-soldier is biologically Steve's, right?(Where Steve wants to ban Clint from bringing things home from alternative dimensions, until he doesn't.) Note: I love this fic’s take on accidental kid acquisition - Steve goes through so many understandably mixed feelings here. Steve and Tony are an established pair who navigate the trials as well as the rewards of parenthood, featuring an excellent supporting cast, and it’s just a lovely read overall. Slipping Off The Page Into Your Hands by Sineala Soulmates have their first words to each other written on their wrists. This should make it easy. For Steve and Tony, it is anything but. Steve's problem is that the future he has awoken into is nothing he was ever expecting: he has a soulmate now. Who might be a robot. And if his soulmate is Iron Man, how can he be so attracted to Tony Stark? It should be impossible. Tony's problem is that he is Iron Man, his soulmate is a man whom he in no way deserves, and he is going to fight everything in his heart and do his best to make sure Steve never, ever finds out the whole truth. Notes: Soulmate AU plus identity porn, oh my oh my :D This is just a rollicking ride with all the feels, pining, dumb decisions and sweet catharsis you could ever hope for. Man I love AUs so much. This Is My Least Favourite You by Kiyaar In Steve's fantasies, he never travels to the future because Tony never violates him. Tony never violates him because there are no incursions. There are no incursions because there are no Avengers. There are no Avengers and so there can be no love and no pain and no heartbreak. You can’t miss what you’ve never had. Notes: Look, I love canon divergence fix-its. Thrive on them. This is not that - this is when the only thing you can do with the twisted corpse of canon is make it much, much worse and then revel in the pain. Great writing, A+ pain, no regrets. Issues by  so_shhy In which Steve has a crippling crush on Tony Stark, Tony is oblivious and obnoxious, and Bucky expresses his disapproval via passive-aggressive comics. Notes: An absolutely delightful modern/no abilities AU in which Steve and Bucky write some comics featuring a superhero team called the Avengers, and Steve can’t help himself from... ahem, being a little too loving in his artistic depictions of Iron Man. So entertaining, I cackled multiple times, and Bucky’s outsider POV is particularly great. Looking for Heaven by  foxxcub

When young Lord Anthony Stark learns Steven Rogers has enlisted in the army, he thinks he's seen the last of his tiny, headstrong, haughty stable boy. But four years later, Lord Stark gets an unexpected visit from Steve, whose mother has fallen gravely ill and into financial ruin. Even more unexpected, Steve agrees to a shocking proposal: they will marry, giving Steve the necessary funds to save his mother, and Tony the much-needed reprieve from harassing would-be suitors. It is a business arrangement, nothing more. But as time goes on and circumstances arise, Tony begins to learn that keeping his heart away from his husband is easier said than done. Notes: This one’s another wonderful trip down nostalgia lane. Regency meets marriage of convenience, with all the trappings that premise would entail and a delight from start to finish. Not Such a Compromise by  Pookaseraph The death of her brother, Lt. James Barnes, has placed Miss Stephanie Rogers in the difficult position of needing to find a husband to see to it that her and her mother are taken care of. Miss Roger was not built for such a compromise, but perhaps Mr. Anthony Stark will not be such a compromise after all. Notes: Yes, it’s another Regency AU, what about it? :D Despite the trappings of gender and class, Stephanie remains so very Steve in how she moves through the world, and the premise enhances the miscommunication between the two, but in a way that is a joy to see resolved. Just a thoroughly enjoyable read. 99 problems (and the dice ain't one) by  kellifer_fic Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen. Notes: I call this the sitcom AU if only because of the setup, but the general themes of Tony trying to cope with changes in his life and status quo are funny as well as really resonant to all those (us) who aren’t superheroes. And a fantastic ensemble to fill the world out <3 And that’s that. Shower all the authors with some love and well-deserved compliments!  

[exeggcute]

Hi I haven’t been following you for very long so sorry if you’ve talked about it before but how did you get into technical writing? Like, professionally? Every job listing I’ve ever seen for anything in that field has required like 5+ years experience and a Master’s degree so I have no idea how to get started (save for going to grad school which I do not have the money for lol)

unfortunately you're not gonna like this answer but I got into technical writing 100% by accident lol. when I was in college (for undergrad. not grad school. I did not go to grad school) I got cc'd on an email to the entire literature department saying that a local clinical psychologist needed a student writer to help write some reports, and I had an essay due the next day, so instead of writing my essay I decided to procrastinate by writing a resume and applied and somehow got the job. did that for a couple years (as a part-time gig, mind you) and then managed to weasel my way into the software industry, partly by leveraging that experience and partly by telling some strategic truths (e.g., lying). might also be worth mentioning that the first software company I worked for went under about a year later when the CEO got arrested for securities fraud but experience is experience, right?

that said:

(1) I promise you do not need to go to grad school, lol. if you happened to have an advanced degree in a relevant area then that would be super helpful in certain industries (like, idk, biotech?) but at least in software that would be the exception and not the rule. (if anything, you could look into a cert or a code bootcamp or something, but a master's degree is def not necessary.) part of the problem here is that most job descriptions are written by hiring managers, and very few people know shit about technical writing but hiring managers especially don't know shit about technical writing, so they all just copy/paste each other's shitty job listings with the same bogus requirements over and over.

(2) in a similar vein, you can usually subtract about a year or two from the listed experience for almost any job listing. as much as they'd like to hire someone with five years' experience, most places would settle for three years from a solid candidate. (thanks in part to the fact that people who DO have five years of experience are probably gonna be applying to places that are asking for six to ten!) so if you're, like, entry level, any "associate" level position asking for 1-2 years of experience would be within your reach.

(2a) things are a LITTLE funky right now with this "stock market" shit happening and alleged layoffs, but overall it's still very much a job seekers' market. every time I look at the job boards there's like five thousand technical writer listings (with very few applicants to each), which means people are desperate, which means you can get away with meeting a lot fewer requirements than you otherwise might. there's really nothing to lose by applying!

(3) for more detailed information about Getting Experience and whatnot, I'd highly recommend /r/technicalwriting—with the caveat that you read the pinned posts, top posts, and search around for stuff before you submit anything. you may not actually need to submit your own post, since this is a pretty good source of knowledge, but every day there's at least a couple people who ask some oblivious question that makes it obvious they didn't read the sidebar/pinned/other similar posts asking the same question and they occasionally get torn to shreds, lol. I don't think this is a reddit thing so much as a "part of technical writing is finding information independently so if you come to a subreddit and don't even read the pinned post we're gonna be annoyed" thing. other than that the community's pretty nice, though.

anyway I wish I could offer more concrete help but uhh... good luck! and feel free to DM me off anon if you have any specific/personal questions that would better suit a 1:1 format!

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

fic authors self rec! when you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. let’s spread the self-love 🤍✨

thank you for the tag, @r-dtoblack!

1. help, i’m alive

technically two fics, but i have always thought of them as two halves of a whole. my beloved monster baby, a story about when coming back to life feels worse than dying and what it takes to get through it. quentin spends a lot of time in this piece being his very worst self, but i really do think of it as a love letter to him; i wanted to bring him face to face with his darkness precisely because i so wholeheartedly believe his bravery and his love would in fact in the end win out. i like that it’s funny and mean and lingers in some really ugly, uncomfortable places, and also that the last hundred thousand words are basically a shamelessly self-indulgent stream of nice things happening and good feelings being felt; i like that the worldbuilding expanded while staying tied to where quentin’s at in some neat ways, and that i feel like i managed to get at a lot of ideas about being a person that have been for me extremely hard-won and very important. writing this i think kind of legitimately changed me as a person, and i remain very pleased with it.

2. time won’t fly

writing this was like pulling fucking teeth just about every step of the way, but i revisited it recently and honestly? this story slaps! it’s a time loop story with action pieces and six million little logistical dots I spent all spring connecting, but really it is, of course, a story about how quentin coldwater is the most fucked up guy of all time, and also the very specialest boy in the whole entire world. also, quentin falls in love with eliot in a time loop, and i really like that their dynamic unfolds from a starting place where it’s clear that quentin does not understand eliot very well, partly because eliot has been misleading everyone quite deliberately and partly because quentin just hasn’t been thinking about it that hard. there’s some stuff i was pleased with happening in using the time loop concept to express something about how being a very sad young person can give you a fucked up relationship with time, and also a couple moments where quentin gets to be a legit badass, which is very sexy to me. also the gifs that @yourtinseltinkerbell made for it are the most beautiful gifs in the entire world and looking at them makes me want to cry!

3. wreck my days with a violent hunger

quentin and eliot go on vacation, but make it awkward and unhappy. i really love the writing in this story, which is in a particular indulgently elaborate mode that hasn’t yet fit anything i’ve done since; this story contains a disproportionate number of my favorite single paragraphs. there is also some cool stuff going on with motifs of houses & decay & growth. i like that it’s obviously a story about trauma but eliot doesn’t know that, and how indirect most of quentin and eliot’s conversations are, with the real emotional shifts happening beneath the surface, and that neither of them ever says anything nice to the other one but the story still feels to me very romantic. also everything about eliot’s backstory in this is basically my headcanon now.

4. it’s not living if it’s not with you

a no-monster AU where nigel and janet cross paths and fuck the identity spell broken with the power of their love. i really love the central idea of this story, which is the kind of capital-c Concept that rarely occurs to me, and also the way the amnesiac portions work to pull double duty, moving the scenes along while also dropping in memories of canon or ideas about margo and eliot and their relationship; the idea of nigel and janet as sad versions of who they might have become without each other is very poignant to me. in my head the origin story of that duo is that they’re two people who thought they didn’t care about anything or anyone, and then they met each other and learned that they were wrong, and i had fun recreating that in miniature here.

5. burning holes in butterflies’ wings

i just think it would be fun and sexy for julia to go fuck her dead best friend’s girlfriend. i just think she deserves that! this is a weird uncomfortable fucked up story about grief, and i like that both julia and alice get to be hard-edged and fucked up and guilty and angry and miserable. i also always have fun writing julia’s voice because she’s so uncompromising and intense and deranged but in a way she perceives to be very straightforward.

this was fun! i am presently beholden to a Writing Obligation of the non fan fictional variety (i know, what???) but hoping to get back in the writing saddle next week with that out of the way & my work schedule somewhat chillaxed, and taking this trip down memory lane made me feel excited to get back into it... tagging: @honeybabydichotomy @propinquitous @leguin @jessalae @thefactsarethese & anyone else who wants to play!

[haruka-teno]

2023 Reading Wrap-Up

01. How many books did you read this year?

I read 72, with about 12 of those being graphic novels/manga/something fairly short, BUT I read easily 2,000 pages of fic (probably much more lol) so I figure that counts as like 5 or 6 books too!

02. Did you reread anything? What?

I think I did a full re-read of Saga? I didn't log it, but I think I did lol. If not I at least reread the equivalent of the last few volumes to refresh my memory. I reread all of Captive Prince and the short stories because that's an absolute must. I reread Dark Rise to prepare for Dark Heir. And then I also kind of "reconnected" with a book from college that I had previously thought lost to time. It's called Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives and I had never read the whole thing but my friends and I always remembered a couple of the stories we'd read from it 15 years ago. Sadly those stories we remembered were actually pretty much the only memorable ones.

03. What were your top five books of the year?

It's hard to narrow it down to just five because I would say there were at least 10 to 12 that I really loved, but if I had to make a list I would say:

1) The Secret History - a polarizing book to say the least but it was exactly my brand

2) Six of Crows - by far the best Grishaverse book and probably one of the best YA books of all time in general

3) The Fifth Season - the way that people's minds work is just incredible. Like I think to have written this is such an achievement

4) Dark Heir - this series should have been adult and I don't think I'll ever feel NOT robbed by that, but this so far exceeded book 1 that I can't be too mad. Had me losing my mind

5) A Power Unbound - Ross on top 🫡

04. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Technically Leigh Bardugo was new to me this year lmao so obviously I plan to read basically all of her books going forward. And Mother Donna Tartt. We will as always continue being loyal to Freya Marske, CS Pacat, and Mona Awad as well.

05. What genre did you read the most of?

Fantasy, romance, and literary with LGBT and YA as overlapping subgenres. No one is surprised.

06. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

lol.

07. What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

I have no idea how to find this on goodreads but my average on storygraph is 3.74 which is probably accurate. I rarely give books 5 stars, but I give plenty of 3s and 4s. I kind of want to have a higher score next year though because it'll mean I'll have been more discerning with what I choose and finish.

08. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

I did and I didn't haha. I wanted to get to 75 and that didn't happen, and I also went through multiple slumps where I read next to nothing. The number doesn't matter so much as consistency so I want to try to work on that more. Pushing myself to read more and scroll less.

09. Did you get into any new genres?

I guess kind of? I read some non-fiction and a weird amount of short story collections, but none of it really stood out as being more enjoyable to me than just... the typical fiction that I like to read. I do have a few more short story collections I want to read this year as well as maybe trying to do a bit more non-fiction but I'm not going to be that pressed if I mainly stick with novels.

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

Unlike certain among us I liked Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo!! But the obvious answer is Dark Heir, followed closely by A Power Unbound.

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Definitely The Secret History which has been out for like 30 years haha. To me this is the absolute peak and definition of "dark academia." Don't start calling some book """"dark academia"""" if some TSH shit isn't happening! But anyway, yeah, it's just so good: gorgeous prose, mostly vibes, characters who need to be studied extensively in a laboratory. I related too much to Richard Papen, it's actually sad!

12. Any books that disappointed you?

I genuinely hate to say this but the first book that came to mind as being disappointing while also not being actively disliked is Good Omens. I like the show a lot! And I know we like to jape and jest about British people. But my god, this was too British for me. It was so frustrating because the core idea is SO GOOD and so wildly imaginative, and at times it's really funny, and obviously Crowley and Aziraphale are the gems of it all, but so much of it WASN'T funny, like to the point of being aggressively UNfunny, even, and those sections would drag and drag. Way too little Crowley and Aziraphale, WAY too much of the little boy and his friends who I absolutely hated. I guess call me a rube or whatever but I vastly prefer the TV show 😔 Unrelated, but I was also wildly disappointed in the last Simon Snow book! I was also underwhelmed by Holly Black's The Stolen Heir and Tomie by Junji Ito.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

Grab a snack because I'm about to go off.

1) The Vegetarian by Han Kang - translated fiction is hit or miss with me. This is the year I realized I mostly do NOT fuck with Korean fiction, sadly. This book is touted as one of those kind of sad girl feminist novels but omggg from what I remember it was just really boring (I only finished because it was like 200 pages), repetitive, weird but not delightfully weird just like weird where the actions of the main character are nonsensical as is the behavior of the people around them, ZERO payoff at the end where one might feel a salient point had been made... If this is one of those "the girls that get it get it and the girls that don't don't" books then mark me down as not getting it

2) The Westing Game - genuinely why did I read this

3) Cursed Bunny - more translated Korean fiction, this time short stories. Again, just so gross at times but not Sayaka Murata gross, just like WHY?? gross. And when it wasn't gross it was boring and pointless!

4) Any Way the Wind Blows - I literally deserve financial compensation for completing this book. What the fuck was that ending? Why is Agatha tending goats after one of the worst lesbian romances ever put on paper. Why did Simon and Baz almost have sex 14 times and then stop all 14 times for the same reason and make virtually no progress with their relationship because of Simon's immaturity. Why was the Penelope plotline even happening. I'm kind of astounded by this one actually

5) My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness - this is an autobiographical manga and my reaction was all the worse because I thought this was going to be a total banger. It's a bestseller, I've been hearing about it for like 10 years, I've seen some relatable screencaps, it sounds perfect..... And then I read it and the writing itself kind of lost me/bored me at times, and it's actually not relatable in the slightest because the MC/author (I guess?) is sooo off-putting and the bulk of the book is about her visiting prostitutes. Color me naive but I thought this would be about like, meeting another woman and the tentative first steps taken with her, not GENUINELY diving into the sex industry, which I am absolutely repulsed by. Woof!

Honorable mention to A Strange and Stubborn Endurance for being Like That and having one of the most annoying protags I can remember in recent history.

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Well this ship has sailed and my goal was to finish all the books I had started so I could begin 2024 with a clean slate and it didn't happen 😔 But time is also an illusion.

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

None that I actively sought out. I believe The Fifth Season won the Hugo which is well-deserved but I don't know anything else off the top of my head.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Oh man, I can actually kind of go off on this one too lol. I read all of Heartstopper this year, and I'm sorry, it's just okay. I think if it had been on the shelves for me to read in like 2005 I would think more highly of it, both because I would have been reading it as a young teen and because then it might have been revolutionary for the time. In 2023 though it's far, far from the best piece of gay teen media (that would be Skam) and it's WILDLY overhyped. Legendborn by Tracy Deonn was so massively hyped up on booktok as being like THE BEST YA NOVEL EVER PUBLISHED and I'm kind of mystified, honestly. It was alright! And I could say even more but I'll leave off with Yellowface by R.F. Kuang. She constantly has her ass licked by basically everyone and I genuinely, genuinely don't get it. Yellowface is miles above Babel as far as enjoyability and I even thought it was quite funny at times, and got through it quickly, but this author writes flattttttt-ass characters and can't see past her own nose. Absolutely obsessed with the audience knowing how smart she is and hand-holding them to the very obvious points she's making. She's another one like Otessa Moshfegh where I kind of just hate read her stuff at this point lol.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I think most of the books that I thought were good I had expected to be good, but two things come to mind. Early in the year I read a duology called Heated Rivalry and The Long Game and it's literally just highly sexual gay hockey fiction but it genuinely surprised me by how sweet it was and how much I loved the story. I actually bought physical copies even though they have horrible covers with Sexy Shirtless Guys on them lol. The other book is called A Touch of Jen which I was drawn to only because of the cover, I thought the description seemed kind of lame, and it doesn't have a very good goodreads rating either, but I loved reading it and thought it was hilarious.

18. How many books did you buy?

I couldn't even venture a guess to be honest. I have been much better of late about book buying (because now my money is going to dolls 😭), but I'd say during the year I probably accumulated at least 40.

19. Did you use your library?

Yes. I don't physically go into the library even though I'd like to, but in this house we do stan Libby, Hoopla, CloudLibrary etc.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

The usual suspects: Dark Heir and A Power Unbound, both of which met/exceeded expectations. I was begging for more Will/James, and it delivered, and I was hoping for more sexiness from Freya Marske as well as some good Edwin/Robin content and I was also very pleased with that :)

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

I don't participate in drama but I definitely watch drama unfold, predominantly on tiktok. There were definitely plenty of stupid takes and notable events!

22. What’s the longest book you read?

Technically the longest page count was the complete Tomie comics at 742 pages but as far as regular books, it was Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo at 608 pages.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Technically I'm sure my shortest book was a volume of comics in like 20 minutes or whatever, but I'm going to say my record is reading Captive Prince, Prince's Gambit, Kings Rising, and the short story collection back to back over the course of about 3 or 4 days.

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

I DNF'd one piece of nonfiction (Killers of the Flower Moon) and one novel (The Atlas Six) that I just wasn't in the mood to read when I started them but I'm going to give them both another chance at some point, or at least I'm planning to so far. There were definitely other books I sort-of started and then the library hold lapsed and they'll ostensibly be gotten to at some point, but I don't really count those as DNFs. The only notable DNF was this essay collection about horror movies from a queer perspective called It Came From the Closet. I was expecting this to be good even though I'm not a big fan of essay collections as a general rule, but omg....... Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Unsurprisingly Carmen Maria Machado's essay about Jennifer's Body was well-written (even if I personally love a lesbian Jennifer interpretation more than a bi one), but hers is the only one I really remember other than the Horrible One. I read about half of this book and a lot of the essays were just very mid (I know it's these people's real lives they were writing about! But yeah!) and almost all seemed only tangentially related to the specific horror movie they'd picked. There were also plenty of movies I'd never seen so even if there'd been appropriate context I wouldn't know it. The absolute last straw though was the essay that was supposedly about Hereditary. I could not tell you how the author connected all of this shit to Hereditary because AGAIN, none of the authors did a good job actually fitting their life within the context of the movies, but the story of his personal life was bad enough. He had married a girl I think while knowing he was gay? Which was definitely more acceptable historically than it is in like, a world where Hereditary exists?? I'm pretty sure this dude kissed a guy on his wedding day! and then proceeded to write about how he was secretly talking to men online SPECIFICALLY in the context of like fat fetish/weight gaining fetish communities, he himself was purposefully gaining weight because of this fetish and became enmeshed in online communities about it, I think was making fetish videos of himself and uploading them???? And then in the end he meets up with some guy he met online and I think we were supposed to think it was cute but I was 10000% on the wife's side, and as a fat woman and lesbian, I hope that guy kills himself. Anyway lol.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

I think my officially set goal is 75 books/25k pages. I'd like to meet that or exceed it. I very recently got into audiobooks after being a staunch hater (I still think they're very much a cheat code, and different from ACTUALLY reading!) so I think the goal is easily attainable, and my lowkeyyy goal is 100 books. My main goal though is to read every day and to not get into so many slumps: like just make reading a habit that I keep up with. More reading, less mindless scrolling and tiktok. And maybe DNFing more instead of forcing myself to finish a book I'm not liking just because it's short or I want "credit" for my time spent with it. Like reading more quality books. I'd also vaguely like to read some classics and more nonfiction.

[vicea]

dream merch discord recap (june 12, 2021) - disclaimer: i may have missed some things or mistakenly heard other things, apologies in advanced for that!

he has not played the new minecraft update

dream “knows” the date george is coming to florida but he’s not saying it :p

dream doesn’t have anyone muted on twitter

dream guesses his favorite disney princess is belle

sapnap has seen dream’s feet before

he’s not actually connor’s dad in the dsmp lore

dreamnap do not have nicknames for each other D:

dream likes olives but especially black olives

his mother makes homemade pickles

he doesn’t have a phone case

he has dropped his phone from his ear onto concrete in the parking lot before and the screen didn’t crack

dream has six fingers /j

he pours cereal first not milk when making cereal

dream calls sapnap nick most of the time :D

what’s your dream car? “idk the one that gets me to point A to point B consistently”

he finally fixed his sleep schedule, woke up at 8 am today

mrbeast owes dream a tesla because he never sent dream the audio file

dream is a very analytical person - he thinks with numbers/data

creativity is one his strengths that he is the most proud of

3 to 4 years ago, dream used to say george looks like shawn mendes a lot, now he doesn’t resemble him as much

patches is currently sleeping <3

swimming is very relaxing to dream, he swam the other day!

many houses in florida have pools than other places, even the cheapest houses in orlando have pools

dream has merchendise defects (misprints on merch) + milestone merch and he wants to give them away to those who live in orlando (probably to anyone but the event will be held in orlando) though he doesn’t want it to be a covid super-spreader thing so once you pick up your item you gotta dip. just all an idea though

he has been donating them to charity too though :)

dream has likely read Heroes of Olympus before a long time ago

he says that he’ll do a give away of his childhood books with his signature on it

he was obsessed with the series (Percy Jackson) 

he really liked the Alex Rider series

has all of Maximum Ride books, 39 clues books

has read the legend series, the twilight series, and the maze runner

has all/read of the harry potter books, divergent, eragon

he would read all the time, to the point he would read more than one book a day (a book worm he says)

dream had a goal to read 200 books in a year and he wind up reading about 150

he doesn’t want to call it a library but- growing up he had something like that that had 600 or 700 or more books in it (privileged he admits it)

he has not read a book since he started youtube (about 2 years)

dream has a folder called Book that has his own writing in it

word count: 76000 words for one of his stories 

another one he wrote 5 chapters of

he sounds very excited/embarrassed talking about the stories he wrote he’s so endearing

the very first paragraph of one of his stories (he was young when he wrote this) “What exactly is darkness? is it the lack of light? is it a pit of nothingness? ... your mind is full of darkness...” then he couldn’t continue.

the story is about a kid who wakes up in a cell and has no idea where he is with other people who are in the same situation

dream has a world building document

he has a sequel to the first book he has ever written

he found a query letter that he wrote because he wanted to get his book published- he finds it very funny

he’s calling himself a nerd but idk it’s kind of endearing

“as you can tell i’ve always been incredibly cool and not a nerd at all! ever.”

he cringes at his own old videos

dream took a lot of inspiration from witches and wizards by james patterson for writing

the story is written in a way where the main character is actually writing the story so you’re getting input from the main character during it. there’s a lot of sarcasm in it and it’s making dream laugh

very first person narrator

he feels like it’d be very cool if he were to publish his works he wrote when he was 16 on amazon or something but he probably never would because he’d have to read through all of it and it’s just embarrassing for him

dream used to video call sapnap fairly frequently- even before youtube

he strictly remembers, a very long time (at least 7 to 9 years) ago he was at his old childhood house he video called sapnap. he was wearing a (technically) suit and he remembers specifically that he was giving sap a tour... 

“snazzy in a suit”

he had no reason to put on the suit (wow time is a flat circle huh)

drista is pretty close to sapnap’s height, she’s like 5′7″ but sap is still taller than her

dream filmed the whole thing when he and sapnap met but... it’s... gone because when he was clipping that one clip for twitter... it edited the whole video

he’s sure when they meet up with george they will film that too :D

DREAM IS PRETTY SURE THAT HE AND GEORGE WILL MEET THIS YEAR-- HE SAYS A 95% CERTAINTITY the five percent is like either restrictions or visa issues

dream does not play any instruments but he had a guitar hanging on his wall when he was younger...

dream is convinced they’re the same height but also sapnap is probably taller??

they had george compare his height to a door frame and dreamnap were googling for any doorframes to find any possible chance that george is taller than 5′8″ ... nothing came up

there’s a chance they’re both lying about being 5′8″

sap and george will literally just show up in stilts to prove they’re taller than each other /j

dream without shoes is between 6′2″ and 6′3″ with shoes he’s 6′3.5″

dream is talking about awesamdude’s fake height arc again LOL

dreamnap are very private people so they don’t bother each other but george doesn’t care and would just barge into their rooms and start bothering them- they were all joking about that over a voice call

he will visit europe

he thinks that greece would be a cool place to visit because sapnap’s family is from there :) so it’ll be like a nice “treat” to go back with sap :D

dream isn’t entirely sure that the dream team meet up will happen this year but he’s working out the details because he wants to make sure it’s safe

he’s talking to youtube about his face reveal

it’s up to george if he wants to eat healthy when they finally move in

dream just has a lot of meat and vegetables in his house

spinach with chicken is good

not much fruit (only apples and tomatoes)

“DRISTA IS 5″ is trending on twitter LOL (her height got cut off)

dream doesn’t want people flying to different places because he doesn’t want to encourage travel so he wants to do all of the meet ups with a two day heads up at most

he thinks that it’s awesome that ranboo and tubbo are meeting soon !! :D

it’s very cool to dream to see how far everyone’s has come since the beginning of the dsmp. everyone has done so much

dream finalized his youtube plan a couple weeks before he uploaded his video and he was talking to drista about how he was gonna be a big youtuber in a parking lot :”)

she was the first person he really ever talked to about it

dream would love to teach george how to drive it’d be really funny :D (a very good video or a livestream idea) 

dream knows how to ride a bike, he used to have to bike to school

he can’t explain dnf.gay he has no clue he is not responsible. sapnap was the one who found it LOL. he is adamantly exclaiming that it was not him

dream doesn’t worry about views/likes/dislikes a lot- mainly views but that’s for the new uploads

he hasn’t uploaded in like a month and a half (*cries*)

he wants to stream at some point but he doesn’t know when 

he wants to play geoguessr but not now... he doesn’t want to alt stream rn- maybe tomorrow!

he is insisting that the splash text on his minecraft home screen is by callahan

he asked callahan to send him bunch of text files that are dream team related so that the splash can rotate through it but callahan thought it was funny (it is) to put only dreamnotfound <3 so it doesn’t ever change at all and dream doesn’t even know how to change and he has asked callahan to change it but he said no (even though dream pays him LMAO)

the video referenced in the padilla’s video is still in the works, it might be handed over to sapnap though !

he has no idea if he will be in MCC pride yet

padilla got dream’s input for the video, dream found him to be a very nice guy ! :) it’s the first interview that dream did that wasn’t by a person with a negative opinion of dream

dream felt relaxed doing the interview with padilla 

?????? he’s blaming callahan for his “dnfisreal” nickname in bedwars 

he’s blaming callahan for a lot of dnf-related stuff

callahan runs the dream fanart account thus the liking of dnf content

he’s so insistent that it was callahan

dream admits that he was lying about the twitter and other stuff but for sure callahan did code the splash text in LOL

dream liking that tweet “the chances of george doing a hot tub stream is the same of dnf dating” was “funny” he wasnt trying to do any commentary...

the inside joke of “oh it’s all just a joke to you” originates from george and sapnap actually always fighting (like them yelling and shouting at each other) and george said something really mean and sapnap was hurt then geroge said “it was just a joke” and sapnap replied with that line and ever since then it’s been a meme LOL

he says that everyone does the hand-on-the-passenger-seat-while-reversing thing

dream is offline raiding with his chat with 6k people

dream appreciates us and will talk to us soon! 

[tranquilstudy]

Ah yes, welcome to another edition of my tranquil’s study challenge series! I’ve technically given up on finding different names for it and I’m just sticking to the same name with different editions or installments. I hope everyone is having a happy new year! I hope the banner quality is okay too, on my end it looks a little wonky but I’m hoping once I post this the quality will go up. But tap or click it to hopefully see better quality for it!

PRELIMINARY CHALLENGE INFO:

As always, you’re more than welcome to start or stop this challenge at any time. I like to add dates to each day so that I can track tags and follow everyone’s answers, but these can always be re-used and re-done to your heart’s content. That being said, if you want to do it with a group and hopefully make some friends along the way, I’ll be officially tracking or starting this challenge on February 16th, 2022. The challenge has 31 questions, and with one question per day, the challenge will end on March 18th, 2022. Assuming I just counted that right. However, if you’re like me and like to answer a couple questions every couple of days, that ending day may vary for you. No worries!

Just like that time, I’ll be making a separate post for the taglist for this challenge. If you want to be on the taglist, just reblog this post or otherwise show interest in doing this challenge! And if you want to be added or removed you can always shoot me an ask (don’t DM me, I don’t check or answer those to get to it in a timely fashion). The taglist shows you who is hoping to participate and hopefully it’ll help people to connect with like-minded individuals!

When this challenge starts, I’ll be tracking the tag #tranquil2022buddies so please use it when you’re posting about this challenge so I can see your lovely answers!

CHALLENGE QUESTIONS:

So, in my last challenge I had people start each day by setting themselves an intention, or a goal, or just by stating their mindset for that day and a lot of people seemed to like that, so I'm bringing it back here! So, every day (or for every post you make for the challenge), an additional question is added where you can simply fill in one of the choices here:

1. Today, I am ________. (Stating your mindset or emotional state for the day. I find this can help me to accept emotional states or certain states of mind when I'm feeling confusion or doubt).

2. Today, I choose ______. (Inspired by Yoga with Adrienne, whom I still admire very much).

3. Today, my goals are _________. (what do you want to accomplish today?)

You can switch up your choices too, or you can fill out two or all three of them if you want to! Just pick one, two or three that you feel suits you best for that post. Or, you can make your own if you want!

DAILY QUESTION PROMPTS:

Day One: The beginning of the challenge, woohoo you did it! A lot of the time starting is the hardest part. So, tell us a little bit about yourself! What are you studying currently, what where are you in your life right now? Are you happy with where you are right now? What are your goals in doing this challenge? (this is taken from the last challenge! I loved all the answers you guys gave for it so I’m bringing it back!)

Day Two:  Tell us about an unforgettable adventure you've got to experience in your life. Bonus points if you share pictures to go along with it!

Day Three: What in your life has not gone as you planned it to go? Did it end up better or worse than you expected?

Day Four: What can you do to accept yourself more?

Day Five: Do you believe that time heals all wounds?

Day Six: What brings out the worst in people?

Day Seven: Honesty hour: how do you truly feel today?

Day Eight: Do you like reading outside? Take a picture of your current read outside (or you studying if you aren't reading anything!)

Day Nine: If you could learn any language, what language would you learn and why? (if you’re already learning a language, pick one you aren’t learning!)

Day Ten: What do you love most about your field of study? What are some aspects of it that remind you of why you are studying it or are involved in this field?

Day Eleven: If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would you dye it? (also, show us your hair in different colours if you've dyed it before!)

Day Twelve: What are your top five tips for improving grades or doing better on exams?

Day Thirteen: Share a page from your journal or the notes you are currently working on if you don't journal!

Day Fourteen: Write some affirmations for yourself!

Day Fifteen: What makes you feel at home within yourself? It can be a physical object or activity, or just something you tell yourself to make you feel more accepted and loved in your own skin.

Day Sixteen: Go on a walk and take some pictures of what you see! Sometimes it's nice to take a break from studying to go out in nature.

Day Seventeen: Do you believe you should always think before you act?

Day Eighteen: Where do you see yourself five years from now?

Day Nineteen: What do you hope for for the rest of 2022?

Day Twenty: How do you get over heartbreak? Do you think heartbreak is something you can truly "get over"?

Day Twenty-one: Do you believe that practice makes perfect?

Day Twenty-two: What books are you planning on reading?

Day Twenty-three: Write a letter to your future self.

Day Twenty-four: Share your favourite book (include pictures if you want) and why you love it!

Day Twenty-five: What academic projects are you currently working on, if any?

Day Twenty-six: Where does your name come from? Do you go by your given name? Do you like your name you go by right now?

Day Twenty-seven: Do you prefer studying in the morning, afternoon or evening?

Day Twenty-eight: What have been the best and worst parts of this year so far?

Day Twenty-nine: Where do you have room for growing, both academically and generally?

Day Thirty: What are you proud of accomplishing today and what are your goals for tomorrow?

Day Thirty-one: The end of the challenge so it's time to reflect! I'm very proud of you for completing this challenge so give yourself a high-five! Where are you in your life now that you've finished this challenge? Have you made any friends or discovered any new blogs during this challenge or because of this challenge? If so, tag them below!

-

If you have any questions feel free to contact me! Have a wonderful day my doves :) and I’ll see you February 16th!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[m1ckeyb3rry]

hey everyone! now that summer’s basically begun (technically I have school for two more weeks but grades are in so it doesn’t matter lol) i’m considering starting a new fic.

YES I KNOW I HAVE FIVE CURRENTLY GOING LMAOOO IGNORE THAT I CAN’T WRITE UNLESS I HAVE SIX OR SEVEN WORKS IN PROGRESS AT ANY GIVEN TIME. nothing will be abandoned! swear, ship in the harbor, eren’s all that, maiden tag, and pomegranate ink will all be getting updated. but i’m in the mood for something fresh, and i have a couple of ideas, so i’m putting this out on my tik tok, wattpad, and tumblr as a way to see what people think!

basically, what i need is for people to pick which story they would like to read the most. this isn’t a guarantee that i’ll write that story but i find it helpful just to see what others are thinking!!

option 1: ancient rome/gladiator au

this will most likely be a levi x reader, but i could see it working for someone like reiner or even mikasa. it will have a sad ending.

option 2: canon-divergence, jaegerist reader

i’ve had a lot of people comment that they wanted y/n in endure to be a jaegerist, which she was not. i do have a plot line for a jaegerist reader who is an ackerman, HOWEVER i would like to preface it by saying that i don’t support the rumbling and think eren was in the wrong. this story would be darker than my others. the reader would probably do bad things. characters would mostly be manipulated and taken advantage of; the ending would not be happy in any sense of the word. although it would be an eren x reader, the familial relationship between levi and the reader would be HEAVILY focused on as well.

option 3: band au

another levi x reader. probably would end up a lot shorter than the other two, more light and fluffy, rivals to lovers where you’re both in different bands that “have a rivalry” — however, you and levi are the only ones that ever fight. happy ending!

as always all of them will have original characters that are important to the plot.

IF ANYONE HAS READ THIS FAR THANK YOU SO MUCH AND PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS!!!! love all of you so much

[peppermint2d]

How would Murdoc be on his bday? Hc or fic, your choice! <3

hi! sorry this took so long, one of the mods (lily) was a dipshit and decided to graduate school and move. just pretend it’s still murdoc’s birthday cuz it totally is

The huge, decorative, sparkly 55 on his bedroom wall did not make Murdoc's hangover any better. The huge, decorative, sparkly 55 on his bedroom wall made him get another drink. He looked at himself in the mirror. 55? Really? Sure, some things have changed. He is greener, he has a couple more eyebags, and his face is thinner, but he is still rock and roll, right? He has you at least. You make him feel young. None of this fifty-five bullshit. Murdoc looked around his room. Speaking of you, where were you?

He grumbled as he stretched, cracking his back and slumping back into his bad posture. He threw on his striped Plastic Beach shirt and some tight jeans, remembering the tiger thong in case of a celebration later that evening. He hated his birthday, but he wasn't blind to the romantic advantages of the day.

He found you in the kitchen with some wrapped gifts and a cupcake you made, an abhorrent amount of funfetti frosting on top, just the way he liked it. "Good Morning, Birthday Man!" You forced a party hat onto his greasy head.

"Ugh, love, too loud, hangover." He mumbled, licking some of the frosting off. "Mmm this is perfect babe, thank you for remembering."

You giggled and it made him smile, he did that. He made you giggle, made you happy. "Sure Mudz, it's a special day."

He suggestively licked a stripe of the frosting off of the cupcake, wiggling his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah? Wanna make me feel special, love?"

"Murdoccccc, laterrrrr. Now, we have to hit a bunch of stores for the free stuff on your birthday, plus, you're technically a senior now so extra discounts!" You joked. He knew you were joking, but, every joke has a grain of truth.

Senior discount? Him? Murdoc Faust Niccals. A senior. No way. He wasn't old. He doesn't belong in a nursing home. He wasn't a has-been. He was in a band. He escaped from prison. He made a deal with the devil!

"No." He put down the cupcake and crossed his arms.

"What do you mean no? I thought you wanted a fun, quiet day, just the two of us." You reciprocated his body language. Good, he pissed you off. "I was kidding about the free stuff. I just thought maybe we can you know, go to a nice dinner?"

"Well, I don't want to now. I want to party. Go to clubs, get wasted, and get free drinks because I'm famous not because of bloody senior discounts!" With each phrase, his volume increased.

"I thought age was supposed to come with wisdom, but uh sure. Clubbing. At 2 p.m. I'll go change while you figure out what you want to do."

Murdoc knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to drink away his hangover, get high, and dance with so many girls that he would smell like their shitty perfume for all eternity.

He wanted to not deal with you. And he wouldn't. He got in his car and left.

You reentered the kitchen wearing a skimpy outfit Murdoc gave you for your birthday, hoping that seeing you in something he chose (and showing a lot of skin) would make him feel better. But, that would require Murdoc to be present. Which he was not. Maybe he went to the bathroom? No, not in the bathrooms. In his Winnebago? Not there either. While at the Winnebago, you noticed his car was missing. God Satan damn it! Classic Murdoc. You hoped at fifty five he would finally mature, but you really should have known better. Sure, maybe mentioning the senior discount thing was a bit too much, but you hoped that maybe it would turn into some kinky "who-are-you-calling-old" fun times, not "I-will-disappear-to-prove-I-am-still-my-own-fun-person" unfun times. You sigh and leave, you know exactly where he is.

The neon lights of the Powder and Puff and Girls XXX club weren't even on, the lights seeming excessive at 3 pm since anyone who is going to the club at 3 pm probably already knows the name. Like Murdoc.

You knew he would be here since he thinks they named a drink after him: the "green guy". The bartender insists it was for some other patron, especially since he noticed it on their first visit, but according to Mudz "What other green guys are there?" Solid logic. Just ignore Ace who dragged you all there in the first place. Now the drink is probably named after him, their biggest tipper.

Being the biggest tipper also gets him the most amount of attention. Even though your eyes were still struggling to adjust to the darkness of the club, you could see five or six people huddled in a corner. And even though you eyes were not working, you could definitely smell Murdoc. You march over to where he was. What was he doing with all of these women? He better not be bothering them, they are just doing their jobs.

"Hey, heh, look all of these women want to come home with me tonight." The glint in his eyes and smug look on his face represented a hidden message. I'm still desired and you're easily replaceable, which one of us needs this relationship more?

"Fine, well, just remember to get your special clothes at the dry cleaners in the morning. See you tomorrow." You started to walk out. Fuck off, dipshit.

"You won't catch me dead at your stupid party tomorrow." He spat out.

You clenched you fists. "You mean your party." You turned around and stuck a finger at him. "Your surprise party. The party you insisted that you didn't want since you "wanted a quiet birthday" but, knowing you, I planned, because you're an attention whore!"

"I am not an attention whore!" he stands, shouting.

"Yeah, totally not. Who is causing the scene here?"

He looks around. Everyone was staring at him. "They're looking at me because I'm famous. If you were too you'd understand." He crossed his arms and looked away, he's drunk, defeated, and done.

"Sure, love. Let's go home. You can apologize to these ladies when you're sober." You grab his hand and he lets you drag him out.

The entire car ride back he begged for forgiveness, sobbing, promising he will become better.

He was still clinging to your waist as you walked into your home. You flicked on the lights and

"SURPRISE!"

The party cheered and immediately kicked into high gear. Murdoc looked at you, confused. "What... I thought..."

"A new experience for you, I'm sure. I knew that you would find out about the party for tomorrow, but not the actual party for today."

"I love you."

"I know."

"Marry me?"

"Of course." He beamed and disappeared into the crowd. You meant it wholeheartedly, even though you know he won't remember asking in the morning.

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 3

photo credit - unknown 

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, depictions of murder/violence, angst, verbal fighting, drinking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, smoking (cigarettes) 

summary -  “If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought this was what ‘seeing red’ meant

a/n - hi besties! im so sorry this update took so long! i really wanted to make it perfect and was struggling with putting this together. to make it up this chapter is a whopping 5.9k words so uh enjoy lol!

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3

chapter 2 // chapter 4

-----

You had to physically stop yourself- gripping the desk chair beside you so hard your knuckles turned white- from following Aaron out the office door and demanding he make sense of the whole good cop- ha!- bad cop show he’d been putting on since the two of you had been horribly reunited outside of the police station. 

This had been the second instance of him implying or accusing you of somehow worsening the case. And he hadn’t even been in LA for over 24hrs. It wasn’t fair, you thought, angrily grumbling to yourself about all the different ways you’d love to give him a piece of your mind. If he’d been a regular man, that you’d never met before, you probably wouldn’t consider his current behavior to be so- out of pocket? disgraceful? insulting?- offensive. You knew he had a reputation for being...,a hardass on the job, but that didn’t mean he had to go overboard in his treatment towards you. Maybe he wasn’t going overboard, maybe this was just how he treated every- you weren’t sure exactly how to define yourself in the case- witness? Maybe this is just what his team expected in terms of his behavior towards people he didn’t know.

But he did know you, he knew you quite well. He knew you well enough to know you’d never purposely attempt to slow the case down. Even without his fancy profiler skills, you were certain Aaron Hotchner knew every little thing about you. Or at least he used to. 

And while Aaron may know everything there was to know about you, you were beginning to doubt if you actually knew anything about him. As expected, over the past two months the case had been taking an extreme toll on you; constantly looking over your shoulder and worrying that someone was lurking behind every corner. What made it worse, was that it was yet another situation that required you to keep a secret. You ‘had’ the officers at the station and your agent, but besides them you were dealing with this completely on your own. Making the situation about yourself felt wrong, but you couldn’t even begin to explain how hurt you felt at Aaron's accusations that you were somehow more part of the problem than you were a victim. Yes, you hadn’t gone up to him and explicitly told him how badly you were hurting, but it’s not like it took a genius- or a profiler- to reach that conclusion themselves. 

It hurt, to have someone whose validation you had once- still did- crave so much, suddenly act as if you were a ‘bad guy’. Maybe you were being dramatic, you thought. Maybe you were overreacting and reading far too deep into such short interactions. On the other hand, you reasoned that it was perfectly acceptable to have feelings. Before you could delve deeper into that mental tirade, a sharp knock on the doorframe grabbed your attention. Looking up, you saw JJ leaning halfway into the room. 

“Sorry,” you said, awkwardly letting go of the chair, “I uh, got caught up with uh, just you know, thoughts about the case!” Smooth. You tried to put a cheery tone in your voice. You tried to subtly study her reaction as you walked over to her and it was clear she wasn’t exactly buying into your sudden happy attitude. She didn’t press you though, something you were grateful for. Instead she just moved out of the doorframe, letting you join her in the hallway. 

“The rest of the team has split up already, would you like to start in the basement?” JJ asked. You had only spoken to her a couple times, briefly at that, but you already found great comfort in her presence; you could see why she held the position, her ability to comfort and connect with others was unbeatable. Definitely need to send JJ a case of wine as a gift. 

You nodded dumbly, joining her in the hallway and taking her down towards your basement. Internally, you guessed the little ‘tour’ would only take an hour tops, considering all the little spiels you’d have to give about each room. 

You felt a bit like when you went through airport security or when a police car was on a road you were driving on. That sinking feeling that somehow you were going to get in trouble even though you knew you didn’t have anything to hide. Damn Aaron. His apparent lowly opinion of you was definitely messing with your head. Oh well. 

As you lead JJ towards the basement, you could vaguely hear the other agents throughout the house. A door opening here or the sound of papers rustling over there. You hadn’t exactly asked how they would be able to tell if something was missing or out of place. But honestly? You didn’t really care what the team did in your house, as long as they figured out how the unsub had gotten in there. 

You’d already come to terms with the fact that the unsub had managed to steal your clothes and jewelry, but you just couldn’t shake the fact that he had gotten into your house. Part of you secretly wished he had pick-pocketed you on a busy street or was stealing stuff off a film set instead. It would’ve been equally as bad and creepy and horrifying, but it would’ve been worth still feeling safe in your own house. 

Smacking the lightswitch on the wall behind you, the entire basement became illuminated. “So,” you started, really drawing out the word, “this is the basement. It’s technically one big open floor, but well,” you gestured lazily with your hand, “you can see it’s kinda still split up. There’s a movie room behind those doors right there.” 

JJ stepped ahead of you, walking towards the high windows in the basement. You watched as she ran her fingers along the window edges, carefully going over each one. “Do these open?” She asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly shook your head. “They’re mostly just for, like, decoration purposes.” You responded, giving a slight shrug. “I um, I’m not down here much unless I’m having people over. And those stairs we came down are the only way to get in here.” You added, thinking that’d probably be helpful. 

JJ gave you that nice smile again and started towards the movie room. “I’m just gonna look in here real quick and then we can go back upstairs, okay?” 

You stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, rolling back and forth from your heels to your tippy toes, awkwardly playing with your hands in front of yourself. You knew her movie room scan wouldn’t take wrong, there were zero windows in there and no other point of entry besides the door she had walked through. 

Just as you expected, JJ came back out no longer than five minutes later. Once she got closer to you, you turned slowly on your heel and started back up the stairs. “We can start upstairs and then meet the rest of your team on the main level?” You offered.

“Lead the way.” 

“There’s um, two ways to get upstairs. There’s that main staircase you saw in the foyer and also there’s a ‘servants stair’ in the back,” you said, making air quotes with your fingers at the ‘servants stair’ part, “I have people that work in the house sometimes, but it’s not an actual designated staircase for anyone.” You explained, unsure of why you were feeling so anxious. 

“Why don’t we go up using the second set of stairs? Since I’ve already seen the main set.” JJ said. 

You nodded dumbly again, and walked in the direction of the back stairs. Once upstairs, you gave the same room spiel to JJ about six times. This is ‘x’ room, yep those windows can open, nope no one regularly comes into this room, yes the balcony doors do lock from the inside. 

Just as you thought earlier, the little tour took just a couple minutes under an hour. You and JJ were standing in your kitchen, both of you leaning against opposite countertops. According to JJ the whole team had agreed to meet up in your kitchen once they were done with their scans, so it seemed that you two were the first to finish. Also expected. 

You were lucky you hadn’t run into Aaron the entire time. At times you could vaguely hear his voice coming from another room and all that did was pull on your heartstrings and remind you of when the two of you were together. Aside from the sadness factor, you still weren’t sure you could trust yourself to not yell at him as soon as you saw him again. 

“That’s funny.” JJ said amusedly-more to herself than to you-, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

“What is?” You asked. She had moved from her spot by the countertops, to standing in front of your liquor wall, staring up at a bottle you couldn’t quite recognize from your position. 

“Oh, just Agent Hotchner? Out there,” she said, gesturing broadly out to where the rest of the team might be, “he loves this brand of scotch. We joke sometimes that he’d pick it over us if he was given the choice. But apparently it’s super difficult to get. He started getting lucky a few years ago and found a way to buy it, but recently I guess that luck ran out and he hasn’t been able to find it anymore.” 

Your eyes went wide at that. Yes. That scotch was super difficult to get and it was ridiculously expensive. And yes, Aaron loved the stuff. The two of you used to constantly argue over money. He hated that you were always the one paying for everything and had created a ‘rule’ that you weren’t allowed to buy him any gifts. Of course, you managed to find a way around that rule and found that this specific scotch was his gift achilles heel. So, you used to send him a steady supply while also keeping a bottle at your place for the rare occasions he was over. 

“Oh?” You squeaked. 

“Yeah, it’s super rare or something. They only make so many batches a year don’t they?” JJ asked, turning back to look at you. 

You quickly pulled your emotions in when she turned towards you, just giving her your third dumb nod of the day. “Yep, super hard to get. Super super hard. I uh, got as a gift once, I don’t even like the stuff.” 

“You should tell Hotch. I bet he’d pay pretty well for it.” She said with a laugh, shaking her head. Definitely will not be doing that. 

----

Upstairs, Rossi and Hotch were looking through your upstairs office. While your downstairs office was more work based- you stored scripts and had meetings down there, etc.-, your upstairs office was used for your more ‘personal’ work tasks. 

“If the unsub is taking her clothes, we might have better success scoping out her closet. See the potential entry and exit points from her room that the unsub must be taking.” Rossi proposed. 

Hotch nodded at that, putting down the stack of fan mail he’d been flipping through, trying to find any repeats or ‘creepy’ letters. He made a mental note to have Reid come and read through the piles of other mail you had neatly stacked around the room.

Your attention to fanmail had been one of the things that had quickened the process of him falling in love with you. He had had his doubts in the beginning of you relationship- he had stereotyped you for sure-, your age and status giving him somewhat valid concerns that you’d be insanely disconnected from the normal world. You’d proved him wrong in many ways since the beginning, but one of those ways had been the many days you’d call him from this room, reading through every single letter you were sent and always making sure to send a small note back. 

“Good idea, let’s go.” Hotch said. He walked out of office and didn’t think twice, his body automatically walking towards the room a few doors down from your bedroom. You didn’t keep your closet in your bedroom, you had actually put a little couch and sitting room in your bedroom closet space. Instead you’d taken an entire guest room and converted it into a full dressing room/closet that was a better fit for your needs. 

As Hotch went straight into the room, he missed the narrow look Rossi was giving him from the doorframe. It only took a couple minutes, but eventually Hotch looked up, cocking an eyebrow at Rossi. “Are you going to come in?” He questioned. 

“You knew her closet wasn’t in her room.” Rossi noted, amusement clear in his voice. 

Hotch’s face paled, before he steeled his emotions back over. “I saw the clothes while walking past earlier and made the deduction.” 

“She’s pretty, isn’t she Aaron?” Rossi teased, clearly finding a lot of enjoyment in this conversation. 

“Dave,” Hotch groaned, running a hand over his face, “just, not now okay?” He asked, the desperation clear in his voice. 

Rossi certainly didn’t have the entire story figured out, but he wasn’t dumb either, he could piece things together. As much as he’d love to keep busting Hotch over this, there was something about how gentle he had been with you in the conference room and his current clear discomfort that persuaded Rossi otherwise. Rossi grinned at Hotch and raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“So, we know the unsub doesn’t have to necessarily be quiet, her room is at least what, 3-”

“Four and across the hall.” Hotch huffed out, not looking up to meet Rossi’s eyes.

“Four and across the hall away. So he doesn’t need to sneak past her if he’s coming in at night...” 

----

Back in the kitchen, you turned your head at the sound of the back patio doors opening, showing Morgan and Spencer. Guess they’d be the second pair done with their house tour. 

Just as you were about to open your mouth and offer the two of them something to drink, you noticed the rather grim expressions on both their faces. Upon better inspection, you saw Spencer was tightly gripping on to a dirty journal. 

“What’s that?” You asked curiously, trying to get a better look at it. 

“I found this uh, journal out by the edge of your property line. I think it may belong to the unsub.” Reid responded, giving you a tight lipped look. 

It was terribly cliche, but you couldn’t help but gasp at that. Your eyes going wide and your mouth hanging open. 

“I flipped through it, there’s nothing that clearly identifies him, but it seems like he was keeping track of your comings and goings. As well as keeping a list of the things he took from your house, we can cross check that list with-” 

“Can I look at it?” You interjected, a morbid curiosity consuming your mind. 

Reid gave an unsure glance at the two other agents in the room. “I think it’d be better for the rest of the team and I to look through the journal first, and make sure there’s nothing uh...upsetting in it.” 

----

With the new revelations that the unsub had managed to break into your home multiple times, the team decided it would be best for at least one of them to be with you at the house at all times; during the day they would assign a plainclothes officer to discreetly sit watch. It was comical, the way they decided on the watch and then promptly assigned Aaron the first shift of the night. 

You wondered why he agreed to it, knowing he could’ve easily pulled a seniority boss card and taken himself out of any and all future watch shifts as well. He probably didn’t want you to get closer with any of his agents, should you accidentally say something a bit too personal. He also probably assumed that with the late hour of the night, you’d immediately be going to bed or at least locking yourself away in your room for the rest of the night. 

The team had stayed hours after their first walkthroughs of the house, the new list and notes from the unsub giving you all a better idea of what to look for. You had gone through the list of clothes and jewelry in front of the team, giving them a base description of what you assumed the unsub had meant, whether or not you had considered it missing and where you thought you’d last seen it in the house.

Unfortunately, whatever Aaron had been banking on wouldn’t be happening. You hadn’t been able to shake the sinking feeling that your house was no longer a home anymore. It was painfully cheesy, but you knew that trying to sleep would be futile. Nor did you really feel like being ‘alone’ in your room. That didn’t mean you were going to strike up a conversation with Aaron or ask him to play a board game or something, but you wouldn’t be shutting away from the rest of the night. 

After the team left, you had gone upstairs and changed into a more comfortable outfit for the evening; just your trusty sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. You were now walking back down the stairs and towards your kitchen; you grasped a lighter and your emergency cigarette pack in one hand. As you made your way into the kitchen, you could feel Aarons eyes on you from wherever he was seated in the living room. You pointedly ignored him, instead setting the pack and lighter down, freeing your hands so you could mix yourself your favorite drink. 

Once your drink was prepped, you balanced all your things in your hands and made your way back through the living room and out the grand French doors that lead to your backyard. You walked over to one of your lounge chairs that overlooked the pool and had a beautiful view of the sky and bright lights of the city. You turned on one of your favorite playlists and made yourself comfy in the chair, lighting up one of the cigarettes. 

With the first inhale, you felt your body relax. It was a horrible habit- you knew that-, but if there was ever a time to stress smoke, you reasoned it was probably now. Over the sound of your music, you faintly heard one of the doors open again, but you didn’t bother turning around. 

“I thought you quit.” Aaron said, quite literally coming out of the shadows. Even though you didn’t turn to look at him, you could perfectly imagine him in your mind; probably leaning up against one of the legs of the cabana, arms tightly crossed and a deep scowl on his face. 

“I did.” You replied plainly, blowing a steady stream of smoke out of your mouth. Using your free hand you picked your glass back off the chair side table, twirling it slowly. As you took a long sip, you could hear Aaron walk closer, not quite coming into view yet. 

“Drinking and abusing substances in response to a traumatic situation is widely frowned upon. 

“Thank you Surgeon General,” you said, rolling your eyes before adding, “no offense Agent, but right now, I don’t really think it matters.” You didn’t even bother attempting to argue that you were on your first drink and first smoke. 

“It matters, when my team will be counting on you tomorrow. The expectation is that you’ll be a useful and legitimate resource.” Aaron said, voice tight. 

“Do you really think I’m dumb enough to actually believe, that you believe that a single drink is going to render me useless?” You asked, finally turning your head so you could give him a pointed look. When he didn’t answer you rolled your eyes again, turning back away from him. “It doesn’t matter, Agent, I’m unavailable to be a resource tomorrow.” 

“What do you mean, unavailable?” Aaron asked. He finally walked into view, sitting down on the chair next to you. He positioned his legs over the edge facing you, resting his elbows off his knees. 

“What do you mean unavailable?” You said mockingly- the alcohol in your system and stress of the day emboldening your behavior. You paused for a moment to take another drag from your cigarette; Aaron didn’t miss the way you turned your head further from him during your exhale. “You have your job Agent, I have mine.” 

“There is a dangerous free man out there with a special interest in you. He’s not only managed to break into your house but is also murdering surrogate women in place of you,” he said, voice growing louder as he went, “and you think you should go to a film set? How immature and irresponsible are-” 

“Stop doing that!” You cut him off, snapping your head to face him. For a brief moment, you were taken aback by how close he’d been sitting. “Stop painting me to be some dumb self centered girl. This is the fourth time today.” You said, staring him hard in the face, neither of your breaking eye contact. He always looked so good with a beard- stop that. 

“I’m trying to do my job and protect you,” he paused, eyes scanning your face, “I couldn’t handle anything happening to you.” In that moment, his voice was so painfully honest and it almost made you want to agree to do whatever dumb rules he had for you. 

Almost.

Instead, you swung your legs to the side of the chair opposite to him, standing up in a quick blur of motion. “Stop doing that too!” You exclaimed, running your free hand over your face. You took a long drag from your cigarette, placing one hand on your hip. Aaron was giving you a genuinely confused look and you just wanted to wipe it off in one big swipe. “Stop doing some weird little bait and switch between acting like I’m a diva and then trying to end it with some vaguely little sweet comment.” 

“You actually think I don’t care about your safety?” Aaron asked, the faintest bit of hurt in his voice. He stood up as well before continuing. “You think this isn’t a difficult case for me?” 

“You do not get to do that!” You said angrily, pointing a free finger out at him. “You are not allowed to try and make yourself a victim in this story while you simultaneously make me part of the problem. How the hell can you see yourself as even remotely ‘good’ when you left the way you did?” There it was. Maybe it was immature, dragging the breakup into the argument, but the days’ tension- not to mention the months of bottled up emotions- was finally snapping inside of you. 

“If you’re upset over how I ended our relationship, that is completely separate from the dealings of the case and I expect you to be able to conduct yourself appropriately.” Aaron said and you thought that this must be what ‘seeing red’ meant. 

“Do you treat all your witnesses like this?” You were full on yelling now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “Is this your version of appropriate conduct, Agent Hotchner? You’ve proven to be nothing but incompetent! You can’t even see two inches past your own fucking face to consider this from my perspective!” 

Your words had their intended effect. Aaron’s face fell for the briefs of moments before years of bottling his own emotions took back over. You had to give him some credit for keeping it, outwardly, more together than you were. “I won't fight with you over something as trivial as this. You’ll report to the station in the morning with the rest of the team.” He ordered, voice dangerously low. 

“I have to work!” You exclaimed, putting heavy emphasis on each word. 

“Going to work isn’t safe. Do you understand that? Your stalker is well acquainted with your schedule, you need to step away from what’s expected of you. It’s dangerous-”

“Oh my god,” you groaned, shaking your head, “are you even listening to yourself? Your job is dangerous every single day, hell you didn’t even step away when the job was dangerous specifically to you! How am I supposed to take advice you can’t even follow?” At the end of your sentence, you angrily stubbed out your cigarette in the ashtray, leaving the butt in the tray. 

“This isn’t about me.” Aaron snapped, voice loudest it’d been all night. “I’m trying to keep you safe. What part of that don’t you understand?” He asked, giving you a tough look. You found yourself at a loss for words and he took your silence as an opening to continue. “I can’t stand to see you get hurt.”

“Are you finally understanding how exhausting it was to love you!” You blurted out, the words catching even you by surprise. You forcibly blinked back the tears forming your eyes. “That this, is how I felt each time you were called away on a case?” 

Aaron was equally as shocked, his mouth opening in vain a few times as he searched for the proper response. “I made sure you were properly aware of the risks and demands of my job before we started our relationship.” Bad answer.

“And I never complained,” you replied, a defeated tone creeping into your voice, “not once, did I?”

“If you’re going to accuse me of hypocrisy, you should recognize it in yourself. You were equally if not more in demand than I was.” 

“I thought you liked that I was so ‘in demand’!” You said, the frustration growing again. “What was it you always said? You liked not having to worry about me alone at home, waiting up for you.” 

“You’re coming to the station tomorrow Y/N. Final order.” Aaron repeated, completely ignoring your last statement. 

“You know what,” you said, the fight in your voice gone, “I don’t have to put up with this and your lame attempts at trying to be a good guy. I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You quickly leaned over to swipe your cigarette pack and glass of the little table. 

“Are you actually going to run away from this?” He asked, almost as if he was trying to bait you back into the argument.

You scoffed loudly, staring him dead in the eyes. “You did.” 

You angrily walked around him, nearly stomping the entire way to the door. As you were halfway into the house you paused for a moment, not even slightly turning your head back towards him. “Blankets are still in the same spot in the living room.” You said, slamming the door behind you as soon the sentence left your lips. 

-----

The next morning, promptly at 8am, an email from your agent was sent to Aaron. It was incredibly petty and inherently personal, but to an outsider it was nothing out of the ordinary for someone of your status. Aaron was near furious, as expected, but even in his stubbornness he could see you had the high ground. Long story short, the email plainly stated vaguely threatened that if your work schedule were to become an issue for the team, you could easily send a ‘spokesperson’ from your team to deal with any and all future communications. Y/N 2, Aaron Hotchner 0.

Back at your house, you were having a lovely morning. The victory tasted sweet in your mouth as you got yourself ready for the long day. Sometime around 4:00AM Reid had switched out with Aaron and the two of you were currently in your kitchen; Reid sitting at one of your countertop stools while you stood over the stove. After being angrily informed by Aaron that you wouldn’t be required to come into the station with Reid, you decided to make a simple breakfast for the two of you. Reid had wanted to leave sooner, but he was also under orders to not leave you alone until you were safely in your own car and on your way.

You weren’t sure how he felt, but you thought you and Reid got along quite well. He was the closest in age to you and even though he didn’t really seem to understand any of the little jokes or references you made, there was still some level of mutual understanding there. It didn’t hurt that he was quite easy on the eyes as well, of course he wasn’t Aaron by any means- stop that! 

Over breakfast, you spent the entire time answering Reid’s many questions about various actors and actresses he was a fan of. Lucky boy, you thought; as all the people he mentioned were quite nice even when the camera was off. What was it that people said about never meeting your hero? 

He graciously offered to do all the clean up, as you had cooked, which gave you a bit of extra time to make sure you were ready to go. When you both were ready and Reid had confirmed the plainclothes officer was positioned on your street, he helped you to your car. 

With one hand on the top of your car, just as you were about to sit down, you stopped and turned to Reid. “I enjoyed breakfast, would you please tell Agent Hotchner how sorry I am that my schedule’s gotten in the way?” You asked, giving him your sweetest smile. It was another petty move and Aaron was sure to see right through it; the team had amazing skills at reading people, you knew that, but you were an equally talented actress. “I’ll make sure to let you guys know when I’ll be back at home tonight.” You added, before sliding into your car. Reid closed the door gently behind you, waving from the outside of your garage as you pulled out and drove off. 

-----

Case wise, the next two days were quiet. You had won the ‘going to work battle’ by a longshot and happily went about your scheduled days. Aaron hadn’t taken another watch shift since the argument, something you were grateful for. It wasn’t until the fourth day, that the case started to pick up again.

“Agent Hotchner?” A young officer stepped into the conference room, holding out a thick manila envelope. “This was just dropped off at the front desk, addressed to you.” That certainly captured the entire team’s attention; every head turning, as if off on a swivel, to face the officer. 

“Who dropped it off?” Hotch demanded. ‘Who dropped it off?” He repeated, an added aggression in his voice. 

“Some kid! Some kid dropped it at the front and left before anyone could get a word out!” The officer said hurriedly, raising one of his hands up in a meek surrender. 

Hotch stepped up to the officer, easily snatching the envelope out of his hands. “Assure that my technical analyst has access to your entire security feed. Now.” He ordered, not giving the officer as a second glance. “Morgan, call Garcia and make sure she accesses those tapes and identifies the kid immediately.” 

Hotch went back to standing in front of the long table in the middle of the room, setting the envelope down in front of him. “Gloves, I need-” A pair were placed in his outstretched hand by Reid before he could finish. “I don’t want anyone touching anything that comes out of here without gloves, understood?” He said, not looking at anyone in particular. His focus, completely drawn to the angry penmanship that spelled out his name. After quickly pulling his gloves all the way on, Hotch grabbed the envelope again, internally shoving down his emotions before ripping off the top edge in one clean pull. Nothing could have prepared him for the way the envelope was overflowing with hundreds of photos of you. He tilted the envelope and they all came falling out, covering the table in front of him. Reid mentally estimated there were over five hundred photos of you- some seemed to be cut, some looked to have writing and designs on them- and there were even a few slips of paper thrown in the mix. 

“Hotch, Garcia managed to grab the plate from what the kid drove off in. She's running it-” Morgan said, his sentence running off as he took in the table full of photos. “Holy shit.” He said quietly, making his way closer to the table as well. 

Hotch reached down, picking up the closest photo to him. There you were, standing on a boardwalk with your hand blocking the sun from your eyes. You looked beautiful- stop that. As Hotch further studied the photo, he picked up a second one, taking another good look. It struck Hotch and the team then, the majority of the photos were grossly intimate; as if the unsub had taken them by himself. Hotch’s stomach twisted when his eyes fell on a photo that looked like you were posing for it, throwing a big smile and peace sign up at the camera. 

“Did Garcia get any hits on any scorned lovers?” Emily asked, holding up a photo of you and a man. The face and body of the man had been aggressively scratched over and cut up, but Aaron had a sinking feeling it was of him. 

“Yea, I got another potential ex photo right here.” Reid said, holding up another picture. In this one you had clearly been looking up at someone, but the photo had been crudely cut up to exclude whoever it was. 

Morgan held up one of the slips of papers, giving it a confused look. “You lost Aaron?” He said, reading off the paper. “What’s the reasoning for singling out Hotch rather than someone closer to her age like Reid” He questioned, not expecting anyone to answer. 

“I got one of Hotch’s face scribbled over. He must’ve gotten the photo online.” Emily added, holding up a professional headshot of Hotch. “Is anyone seeing photos of the rest of us? The unsub could see all of us as interfering with his connection to Y/N.” 

Hotch’s stomach was twisted in all different directions. He knew the moment of truth was coming and was internally cursing himself for not coming clean sooner. But that paled in comparison to the sickness he felt over the unsub clearly being someone who had such personal access to you. He was certain that some of these photos dates back years. The idea that whoever was doing this had been so close to you, for so long, could’ve brought him to his knees. 

“Hotch…” JJ said, her voice accusatory. She looked up at him, face a mix of confusion and a hint of betrayal. She held up another photo and the entire team went quiet. This photo was clearly taken at a distance, but there you were looking lovingly up at a man who was certainly Hotch. 

Hotch had one hand clenched tightly on the edge of the table, taking a deep breath before he looked up at his agents staring expectantly at him.  

“I haven’t been completely honest with you all,” Hotch started, running his free hand over his face, “I met Y/N five years ago and we were together for three, until I ended things.” He was sure someone had audibly gasped at that. “I know you all may have various concerns over my proximity to the case and are valid in any anger you may feel towards me. But right now, I need to go call Y/N and make sure she’s safe.” 

Hotch didn’t give anyone a chance to reply, instead whipping out his phone and near running out the door. Leaving a team of confused and shocked agents in his wake.

-----

a/n - of course, thank you all for reading. it means the world to me! also just the quickest of shoutouts to @kylorendrip and @ssahoodrathotchner who both constantly put up with my writing complaints and all the random ideas i bounce around their dms on the daily. 

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @alexrodriguez1269

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[imjustwritingg]

tell me your five favorite Chicago PD episodes...

Thanks for the tag @anna-justice & @anniesardors!! This was super hard, but very fun, but also I couldn’t choose just five because I’m indecisive af so here’s six, technically seven. I also realized that this quickly turned into a list of my favorite Upstead episodes. It just happened that way I swear. 😂😅

6. 5x18 Ghosts

we learned so much about Hailey’s past in this episode

Hailey really showing her vulnerable side

Jay showing how protective he is of Hailey

Hailey being a badass when she took down Booth

Jay showing up to be there for Hailey and staying even though she said she wanted to be alone

5. 6x06 True or False

learning about Hailey’s past and her family

the little moment in the car with Hailey and Jay when he checked in on her

the scene in Hailey’s kitchen where her and Jay talk about work place romance. I think it shows on Jay’s face that he could potentially have feelings for Hailey, but he pushes them down when she says she doesn’t date people she works with and you can see the wheels turning in his head after Adam leaves.

4. 6x15 Good Men

Hailey and Jay’s eyes locking when they cornered the kid in the backyard, how Hailey just understood

there were multiple scenes in this episode where Jay and Hailey shared little looks with one another that really shows just how special their partnership is.

there’s one scene where Jay, Hailey, Antonio and Hank are talking in the hallway and when Hailey agrees with Jay he looks almost stunned that someone is supporting his decisions

the observation room scene when Jay asks Hailey why she backed him and she tells him, “You looked at me. You looked at me and I got it. I trusted you. I’ve trusted you from the day I met you. And if I was gonna follow someone blind, it’d be you.”

3. 6x22 Reckoning

the van scene is everything

“I’m going where you go”

the break room scene where Hailey says, “we’ve only been partners a few years. You’ll forget about me just fine.” Jay saying her name and the look on his face says it all in that scene for me.

2. 7x09 Absolution & 7x10 Mercy (plz do not make me choose)

badass Hailey

vulnerable Hailey

Hailey showing again just how well she knows Jay during her conversation with Vanessa in the waiting room

Vanessa saying “it’s hard because you love him” and Hailey fully realizing she has feelings for Jay

Hailey’s face lighting up when she was standing next to Jay’s bedside when he asked her to get him out of the hospital

when Hailey goes to pick up Jay and is about to reveal her feelings, but they get interrupted...Jay says, “what were you going to say?” like he was waiting for her confession and then the sad puppy look on his face when she didn’t tell him.

1. 8x03 Tender Age

everything in this episode

Kim & Adam’s married couple banter

Kim being a badass mama bear

the interrogation room when Hailey and Jay cross in front of one another was hot as hell to me

Hailey and Jay’s entire conversation in the restaurant / specifically Jay’s “I’m just practicing self-preservation here” showed how he was protecting himself, but still trying to be supportive for Hailey / “maybe, but not always” / “it’s been a long time since I saw you as just my partner”

the kiss / Jay’s arm wrapping around Hailey’s back / Jay lifting her / Hailey’s arms around his neck / Hailey’s hand dropping to his chest

Honorable Mentions That I Absolutely Adore...

4x21 Fagin

Jay’s face when Hailey is first introduced and stands up to Voight is everything to me. He was so impressed

badass Hailey right off the bat

6x02 Endings

Hailey being protective and worried over Jay, but also standing up to him

Jay getting shot showed Hailey’s vulnerable side and the first real hint of how much she cares for him

the ambulance scene

Hailey’s, “I thought he was dead” and then bursting into tears broke me

7x04 Infection

Hailey Upton with a sniper will never not be sexy and badass and anyone who thinks otherwise is entitled to their wrong opinion

7x07 Informant

opening scene where Jay brings Hailey coffee, but none for Vanessa and she calls him out on it. Jay says, “sorry, habit.” And Rojas replies “that’s one name for it.” The look on Jay’s face is *chef’s kiss*

Jay tells Hailey he’d follow her anywhere

7x16 Intimate Violence

“because we’re good together” / “I told you we were good together”

flowers from Jay for his “girlfriend” because Hailey was out in the truck and we all know he was thinking of her when he got ‘em

more of Hailey’s past is revealed

badass protective Jay

Upstead scene in the bar when Hailey tells Jay she wishes there had been someone around to put her dad in his place like Jay did for the victim, that Jay did a good thing.

Tagging: @buddie-brettsey @upsteadaddict @ilithiyarys @beatriceport @rantfandombloggg @beyourownwonderland @fromiftowhen

[seanrrwilkins]

Build, Buy or Apply?

For the first time in my life, I'm struggling to decide what to focus on next for my career. I'm between gigs, which isn't unfamiliar territory. Most of the time I end a gig because I'm burnt out, done what I wanted to accomplish and know that it's just time to move on. I've only once left a job with another waiting.

In between jobs I've taken about five mini retirements like Tim Ferris talked about in The Four Hour Work Week. I've taken a few months off to play golf, another few months to learn to sail, seven months off to travel around Argentina and Colombia and a couple months for a cross-country road trip. And just two years ago I took four months off for the birth of our daughter.

Each time I knew I needed a break. I knew where and how I wanted to focus energy, and I set a clear timeline. This time is quite a bit different. Sure, having a family and the responsibility is a major difference but, more than that, I don't want to take a break. We can afford a few months break, but I feel like that would be lost time.

I want to build and earn and make something. I just don't know what, yet.

I'm going to explore three paths:

Build: start something from scratch. Go zero to one on something that's going to generate income.

Buy: purchase something small with solid potential and focus on retooling and growing it to cashflow.

Apply: explore options for joining an existing company/team, but be VERY selective about the roles, people and expectations for my time.

Rather than picking one thing, or simply falling back on the familiar, I'm going to make a series of small bets on each path.

My goals are simple...

1. Stretch and Challenge Myself: I want to push myself to get hands on and develop some new skills. More writing and creative output. More reps at sales and business development. More technical experiments.

2. Diversify Income: I want to have at least three solid income sources validated and able to scale in the next six months.

3. More Product, Less Service: I'm going to build a couple "products" to decouple time from money. I've always been in the services business trading time for money, which leads to working on someone else's schedule. I'd rather have more control over my schedule and the ability to flex around my family's schedule where needed.

So, what's first?

For the Build and Buy paths, I've been compiling a list of ideas for a while, so I'm doing some triage, research and validation to add structure and clear prioritization.

For the Apply path, I'm in early discussions with a couple firms, and I have a short list of other companies I'm reaching out to as well.

I'll plan to share weekly updates over the coming months, sharing progress, wins, losses and learning along the way.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki is the latest Marvel Studios TV series in the long-running franchise and it’s currently ongoing with five episodes so far available to stream on Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia. For previous breakdowns of Loki episodes, check out Episode 1 here, Episode 2 here, Episode 3 here, Episode 4 here and Episode 5 here.

If you want a non-spoiler guide to Loki, you can head on over here.

Courtesy of Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia, we were lucky enough to be the only Malaysian media to participate in a roundtable interview with Loki Costume Designer Christine Wada and Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani.

This interview with Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani has been edited for clarity.

Keep in mind that we’ll be discussing some elements from all five episodes of Loki so far, so there will be spoilers below:

Q: You’ve previously worked on Black Panther and other MCU movies. How different was the experience of working on a TV set instead of a movie’s? Were there limitations?

Yes, I’ve worked on several Marvel projects. For me, this is the most fun one, maybe because I’m in a different position than I was on the other ones. But also, just because this project is unique in a couple of ways.

Number one; it’s literally in its own timeline from the rest of the MCU. It’s separate from the stories we’ve all enjoyed and seen in the MCU so far. The other thing that this one has that’s really great is the amount of visual and narrative variety. We have this kind of base in the TVA that we spend a lot of time in but also we have all these exciting different places in the world that the story takes us to. These were great worlds to design and to imagine.

In our case, there was no difference. The thing about the Marvel series is that it’s pretty much like Marvel movies; in terms of their creative ambition, in terms of the way they’re scheduled, the fact that we have one director.

There was not much about it (Loki) that resembled an episodic project, except for the fact that it was six hours of content that we were trying to make, so it’s a very long project.

In terms of resources, I didn’t ever feel that we were unduly stretched. Always, when you get a creative brief like this, there’s always a period at the beginning of every project where you’re reconciling the creative brief and the resources that you have. That has been the case for every project that I’ve ever worked on regardless of the size. There’s this beginning phase where that’s the case and oftentimes, it’s in that process where you come up with some very great creative solutions that are a direct result of some of the limitations, actually.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say that we had some extraordinary limitations in this case (for Loki), but that’s generally true for all projects, in my experience.

Q: What were you inspired by when making designing the sets of the TVA with its retro-futuristic and anachronistic aesthetics?

In the source material, the TVA had a lot of different things going on, but one of the strong themes also was this armada of desks, which is kind of typical of a post-war era bureaucracy look. There was a grain of that in the source material but a lot of it also came from the show’s creator and writer, Michael Waldron, who described in the original document I read before interviewing for this job.

He described the TVA as a kind of mix of Mad Men meets Blade Runner. Part of these two strong visual references for us. On top of that, me and director Kate Herron, even before we met and spoken to each other, were inspired by Terry Gilliam’s Brazil also as a strong influence because of the anachronisms that that story had and also because of the clear presence of this strong monolithic bureaucracy, which is something that we have in the TVA also.

For the TVA, we were looking a lot at wanting to create a world that had a paradoxical feeling, being an imposing monolithic architectural space that has brutalist elements in them and had almost Soviet modernist elements to them. The colour palette and the materials and the whimsical patterning were much more like American style modernism.

The result was hopefully when you’re in an environment like this, you don’t know whether to feel terrified or invited. Hopefully, it creates that feeling in both the characters and the audience; this kind of cognitive dissonance in not knowing whether they can trust the TVA or not. That’s the narrative objective.

The writers came up with these ideas and the idea with that was to kind of create the bubble gum wrapper in the Renaissance era (Loki Episode 2) and the futuristic shovel in the early 20th-century farm field (Loki Episode 1). These ideas were placed there to create a trail of clues for the TVA to follow before they have clarity on Sylvie’s identity. But for the anachronisms generally, that was something we tried to do throughout the TVA to have all kinds of strange things from different timelines and different worlds popping up in terms of props, like the Infinity Stones in the mail cart and stuff like that.

Q: What was it like working with Tom Hiddleston, who is a producer on Loki?

It was very exciting to have this opportunity to take the character and his storyline in a different direction. It became all the more exciting when I read the scripts and I saw the type of journey they were going to take the character on.

Tom is a professor of Loki, basically. After all, ten years or so of playing the character; he knows it better than anybody and he has an in-depth understanding of the character and his backstory; the character’s family relationships and he was really helpful in giving a little talk to all the department heads about the background of his character, which was very informative.

Q: Recently, Loki series director Kate Herron said that 90 percent of production sets were physical. Does this include the world of The Void, and can you tell us more about how you brought it to life?

That’s true. That was what was unique about this show, because of my own design approach, and my goal in creating this large monolithic brutalist environment, I felt strongly that the sets needed to be built kinda wholly and that they needed to have the ceilings in-tact. This was also supported by Loki cinematographer Autumn, in that the way of her own style of photography is very wide and low-angled photography, which is why for both of our creative goals, it made a lot of sense to build these sets like completed and 360-degree environments.

For the TVA, that was almost always the case, with the exception of when you saw outside a window. With the Void (in Loki Episode 5), a lot of that was built practically as well. What I can tell you is that we build a large piece of this landscape on a soundstage, which was about 150 feet by 200 feet of undulating wilderness terrain. In that, we would bring in these different scenery elements on different days to make it feel like different places within the Void.

For example, one day there was the bus stop terrain where we meet Loki. One day it was the giant head. One day it was the drive-in movie theatre where we find Sylvie. All of these things were brought in and we shot there over the course of seven days. The terrain was designed in such a way that depending on what angle you shot, it felt like a very different place. Backgrounds were put in during post-production in visual effects. The Loki palace, where the Loki variants kind of hang out, the bowling alley, all of that was also a 360-degree built set as well.

Q: What was the most challenging set of the entire Loki series that you had to work on?

We had a lot of very ambitious sets but I think the city of Sharoo at the end of Loki Episode 3: Lamentis was a very technical set. The goal was to create this virtual one-in, that appears as a single shot. This was a very involved and elaborate process of choreography, basically.

All the different departments were involved to make this happen because as we watch the sequence, we see tons of actors running around, there are explosions happening, the camera’s panning up to see the planet above crumbling and asteroids pelting the surface.

There was a lot of planning that went through at the very beginning. We brought the paper models of this to Autumn, our cinematographer and creative director, to use to plan some of their shots. One day, we had some more information that fed back to the art department where we developed more involved and elaborate drawings and models which again, fed back to them. In this way, we had kind of an iterative conversation to arrive at what the design was.

So, as we start to build the set, many of the department heads came to visit and check the progress. We rehearsed what the shot was going to be, so we could exactly fine-tune the set to meet the needs of this shot and see where the edits needed to be. In order to do this, we needed to adjust the exact width of the roads or move a piece of scenery here and then figure out exactly, okay, there’s going to be an explosion coming out of the ground here and another explosion coming out of the building here and this is when the camera looks up to the sky and sees the planet explode. This is where the window breaks and this is where the guy jumps out and grabs him and there’s a fight.

There are many, many people involved; Monique Garderton, our stunt coordinator, Kate Herron, the director, and also the special effects team, and of course, visual effects, deeply involved, and Richard Graves, who is kind of our AD (Assistant Director), the circus leader of all of it, organizing everybody to kind of work on this thing altogether. It’s the sort of thing that involves so many different departments that it can only really be discovered when working in a big group together.

I would say that was maybe the most challenging technically because there were so many logistical parameters and so many moving parts.

Q: What are your thoughts on diversity in the production of the creative industry?

I think that it is critically important. As somebody who is myself an immigrant, I was born in Iran and my family moved here when I was quite young. I’m super happy to see the direction that the industry is going in. I think Marvel has been particularly excellent in providing leadership in this way and I honestly have to give a lot of credit to Kate Herron, our director.

Almost more than any other project I’ve been on, she prioritised inclusivity and diversity. I mean, lots of people, don’t get me wrong, it’s on every project and on everyone’s mind, but I think Kate went above and beyond because it’s so fundamental to her worldview and she’s such a sensitive soul in this way. One of the many ways in that it was such a joy to work with Kate and I’m very proud of the many different ethnicities we’re representing, and how many women we’ve had. In our art department, we had close to fifty men and women.

It’s important and leads to better creative results that are more fully realized and more representative of what the fans really want.

[1dfangirls35]

The Language of Your Soul

An enemies to lovers ballet AU in five acts.

Masterlist

Banner: @booksncoffee​

Warnings: This story (and chapter) will contain language, mentions of emotional abuse from a parent and eating disorders. Please read at your own discretion.

Act III

Six Weeks To Opening Night

Giselle is beginning to feel the toll of playing Odette. Physically, in the form of sore shoulders and a nagging ankle pain. Mentally, in the overwhelming pressure that she would never master the two personalities of Odette and Odile.

Her biweekly extra rehearsals with Harry had become routine. She no longer had to tell her uncooperative partner what time to show up. He was always there, not always enthusiastically, but present.

Their extra rehearsals have helped. Mistress Ivanova stays for rehearsals. Their partnering isn't perfect-but it's less foreign. And Mistress Ivanova has found a new flaw to focus on- the emotion in Giselle's dancing.

Sometimes, Giselle stays late into the evening, standing in front of the mirror and practicing her expressions. Finding out the best way to demonstrate the pain that her character is feeling. It doesn't seem to help. Hours and upon hours of practice don't seem to give Mistress Ivanova, Anna or Viktor the 'emotion' they so desperately seek from her.

But nevertheless she tries again. Today, she stands in front of the shining glass before her rehearsal with Harry. Staring into the icy blue of her own eyes in an effort to show some sort of feeling. It wasn't that she lacked emotion- she felt plenty.

Harry notices Giselle's slim figure as he enters the studio. She's standing in front of the mirror again- making faces. But even in her acting practice, she looks concentrated and focused.

Harry is slowly beginning to learn more about Giselle-not by the words she speaks, but through her actions. The hesitation in her voice when her mother is mentioned. The way she groans whenever she messes up a piece of choreography. That she is always the first one in the studio and the last one to leave.

Harry supposes he has revealed things about himself too. Suddenly showing up to rehearsals for one, likely revealed to Giselle that he did indeed care about his career- contrary to what folks at the Royal Ballet might tell you. He'd stopped making his rounds through the company members, fearful of a second Eliza event pushing him onto thinner ice then he already was here at ABT.

"Don't know if concentrated is the emotion Mistress Ivanova wants from Odette," Harry says as he enters the studio, causing Giselle to jerk away from the mirror. He notices the faintest pink rise in her cheeks.

She doesn't say anything as he removes his sweatpants and slips on his black ballet shoes, making his way to the center of the floor.

"Well, what are we rehearsing today?"

"Act II Pas de Deux- again," Giselle says with a sigh.

Harry doesn't protest, instead he makes his way to upstage left for his entrance. He lets the music take over his movements, telling the story of a Prince crossing paths with a beautiful girl in the woods. But as he dances, his hands firm on Giselle's waist as she pirouettes, penchés and promenades around him, he feels how disjointed her movements are. While her movements were near perfect technically, her face stayed firm and concentrated. She was doing everything right except for the most important part of a ballet- the storytelling.

"Stop," Harry shouts, dropping his arms from Giselle's waist and throwing them up to his head as the music continued in the background. "You make this seem like torture."

Giselle stares at him, her expression a mix of shock and annoyance.

"Torture?" Giselle repeats, sounding offended. "And why is dancing with me torture?"

She crosses her arms in front of her black leotard, fighting her own tongue to keep more insulting words at bay. Here she thought she and Harry were finally developing a partnership and now he was making comments like he had two weeks before. It was an endless cycle.

"You're so focused, Giselle. And technically speaking, your movements are beautiful. But..."

"But what?" Giselle spits, although she's sure she already knows what Harry is going to say. He isn't the first person that has critiqued her on this. And she's sure he won't be the last.

"You aren't feeling the movement. The character. You don't look like Odette when you're dancing. You look like an excellent ballerina who is trying to execute the choreography perfectly."

Giselle doesn't say anything in response. Mostly, because she doesn't know what to say. She knows her dancing is lacking the emotion. And yet, she can't get her mind to stray from concentrating on the next movement, on the technique. One thought of anything but commanding her body to execute a perfect pirouette and her movement failed.

"When's the last time you danced because you loved it? When's the last time you just danced?" Harry asks, his green eyes losing their sharpness for only a moment.

Giselle laughs aloud. Just dancing? She hadn't done that since her earliest childhood. "I don't think that's even part of a professionals vocabulary,"

"Well then you're doing it all wrong."

"Well let's do it again then," Giselle says rolling her eyes. She hated this hot and cold act Harry had on. One day she thought maybe she could tolerate him, the next minute he converted back to asshole she'd first been introduced to.

"No," Harry says suddenly.

"What do you mean no?" Giselle asks, bringing her hands to rest against her slender hips. The confused look on her face only makes Harry smile.

"We are going to do something different for rehearsal today. C'mon."

"What are you doing?" Giselle asks as Harry reaches for his sweatpants, pulling them over his tights before zipping up his hoodie.

"I'm getting ready to go. Think it's a little cold to be walking outside in a pair of tights."

"So you're just leaving now?"

"WE are leaving," he gestures between the two of them.

Giselle stares at him.

"Oh c'mon Giselle it will help. I promise. Just trust me." Harry offers out his hand, waiting for Giselle to take it. She looks at him, and he watches her blue eyes flicker in thought.

"Fine," she sighs, ignoring Harry's outstretched and reaching for her sweatpants on the side of the studio. "But if this doesn't help, you owe me another rehearsal."

Harry chuckles softly. "Believe me Giselle. I'm not going to owe you a thing."

When they exit the studio- the crisp March air bites at Giselle's cheeks, it's only slightly warmer than it has been. Reminding her that although spring is around the corner, winter still has its grasp on the world.

"Can you at least tell me where we are going?" Giselle asks, wrapping her jacket around her tighter, trying to keep pace with Harry's long strides against the New York City pavement.

Harry looks back at her, a grin on his face. "You'll find out in about five minutes. Walk faster- we don't want to be late."

Late for what? Giselle thinks, but she keeps her questions to herself knowing that Harry wouldn't humor her anyway.

Five minutes later they arrive at a red brick building a few blocks from ABT. It doesn't look like anything in particular, and Giselle still doesn't quite understand what's going on.

"Come on," Harry says, opening the heavy black door and gesturing up the staircase. Giselle can hear the faint beat of music making its way down the stairs. But it's not the slow, smooth, classical music she is used to- this rhythm is much faster and more energetic.

Following Harry's lead, Giselle slowly makes her way towards the music. When she reaches the top of the stairs she's surprised to see the black marley floor of a dance studio, but instead of the room being filled with pink tights and black leotards, it's filled with people of all ages dancing around the room and laughing.

"What is this?" Giselle asks, looking towards Harry for an explanation.

"It's salsa class," he says, as if the answer is obvious.

"Salsa?" Giselle asks again, still trying to figure out how this was going to help their Swan Lake performance.

"Did I stutter?" Harry says and Giselle rolls her eyes. "Let's go."

"You know how to salsa?" Giselle asks as they enter the room, setting her jacket on the floor as Harry pulls off his sweatshirt.

"Don't you?"

Giselle shakes her head.

"Well you're going to learn today," Harry says, grabbing her hand and pulling her to the dance floor before she has a moment to protest.

Giselle feels like she's in a foreign place as couples dance around them. The women swaying their hips to the music in fluid movements, their partners twirling them from their fingertips. Each pair that spins past them has smiles plastered to their face, not a single person looking as if they are thinking through each count in their head.

"Tell me again how this is going to improve our pas de deux?" Giselle asks as she watches Harry begin to move his feet side to side.

Harry groans. "Because it will. So are you going to learn or are you gonna just stand there for the next hour?"

"Fine." Giselle sighs, looking straight into Harry's eyes. "Teach me then." She meets Harry in the center of the dance floor.

"Okay. Well first, take this hand and set it on my shoulder," Harry reaches for Giselle's left palm, bringing it to rest on his right shoulder as his palm holds firmly in the center of her back. His hand feels warm against the exposed skin of her lower back. "And the other one..." he murmurs as he grabs Giselle's left hand in his own bringing it to the sides of their bodies.

"Now," he begins, his eyes meeting Giselle's. "The steps are simple. Back, replace, together. Front, replace, together. Back, replace, together. Front, replace, together." Giselle follows Harry's movements as he leads, slowly beginning to understand the cadence of the movement.

Harry counts aloud for the two of them as Giselle commits the movements to memory. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6."

It doesn't take long for Giselle to get the hang of it. She'd tackled much more complicated choreography in a matter of minutes.

"And now," Harry says softly into Giselle's ear- softer than Giselle knew was possible. "We just dance."

At first their movements are calculated- Giselle focusing on the steps, careful not to step on Harry's toes. But as time goes on, her body takes over. The music takes over. And she's just dancing- with Harry's hand firm on the small of her back.

Giselle realizes she'd forgotten what it felt like to simply let the music seep into your soul, to allow your body to move with rhythm, without thinking. It's refreshing. Freeing. Harry and Giselle dance around the room, their bodies moving closer, their movements merging into one. Harry swings Giselle out and she spins back in, laughing. Her gaze lands on Harry's and she's surprised to see a smile across his face. A real smile- not one coming from sarcasm.

Somehow this 'rehearsal' had been exactly what she needed.

As they exit the studio, the cool air feeling refreshing against their sweaty bodies, Giselle speaks. "So how long have you been salsa dancing for?"

Harry shrugs, pushing a stray curl back from his forehead. "A few weeks."

"A few weeks?" Giselle repeats, confused by Harry's answer.

"Found this place one day when I was exploring the area. Seemed like a good way to clear my head and it gave me something to do instead of sitting in my apartment." Harry surprises himself with his answer, he wasn't usually someone who shared aspects of his personal life.

Giselle doesn't say anything, instead walking slowly shoulder to shoulder with Harry along the pavement.

"Well, do I owe you a rehearsal?" Harry questions, even though he already knows the answer.

"Surprisingly, no..." Giselle says. "But..." she begins, glancing at Harry with a teasing smile. "You owe me one tomorrow."

"Okay," Harry replies with a smile and Giselle notices for the first time a pair of dimples on his cheeks.

A few feet ahead, the inside of a dance studio catches Giselle's eyes. A floor to ceiling glass windows giving an intimate view of the dancers from the street. Harry looks on as Giselle stops and watches, her eyes transfixed on the much younger ballerinas. Harry would guess them to be 13 or 14. Young enough to be relaxed but old enough to have control of their movements.

"You can tell so much about a person by the way they dance," Harry muses. His eyes darting from dancer to dancer. "Movements tell you more about a person then their words ever will. The touch of a hand, the smile of a stranger, the way a man in love can't keep his eyes off of his partner from across the room. Dance is all that in one- but bigger, bolder. It's one thing to be told what you are supposed to feel. But to see it, to watch a story be told in front of your eyes with only your own experiences to interpret it. That's the magic."

Giselle breaks her gaze from the dancers and meets Harry's green eyes. "Then tell me something. About how they dance."

"This one in the pink skirt," Harry points, "She's relatively new. She's still trying to learn the technique. Notice how her movements are still a little loose and unrefined. And that one, in the far corner. She doesn't want to be here. Look how weak her movements are. Look how she doesn't even react to the corrections the teacher is giving."

"And well, see that one," he says, pointing to a tall red head in the center of the room. That one is a younger form of Giselle Mason. See how her movements are strong, tense, almost as if she's thinking too hard. That tells me she's a try hard, a perfectionist. She's good, but she thinks she can always be better, so she never loses her focus."

"But that one," this time Giselle's eyes follow Harry's hand to a short, dark-haired girl in a maroon leotard. "That one's the one that loves to dance. She's not the best or the most graceful. She's even got the steps wrong half the time. But look at her face, look at the way her body simply moves. It's almost like you can hear the music just by watching her."

Giselle studies the girl carefully, watching her bronzed arms moving delicately. She can't see the girls facial expressions from this far, but she imagines they would match her movements. She compares this girl to Harry's declared young Giselle, and for the first time she finally understands the criticizing of her movements. With such focus something is lost. It's not something tangible, it's not the technique or the fluidity. But there's something about the girl who just seems to be dancing, the one that is the most carefree, that draws Giselle's eyes back to her again and again. It is in the imperfections that the dancer is truly the most beautiful. The most perfect.

"What about you Harry Styles? What does your dancing tell me about you?" Giselle asks, her eyes studying Harry's sharp side profile as he studies the class.

"You tell me," he answers his eyes not moving from the window.

Giselle thinks for a moment. Harry was a phenomenal dancer to watch, and she wasn't the only one who thought so. It was obvious why he had been dubbed one of the greatest ballet dancers of the present. She remembered a YouTube video she'd watched of him performing in Romeo and Juliet years ago, before she had any idea their paths would cross. There was something about that way he danced, she remembered that made her feel something. Like he was releasing his own own emotions upon the audience through his motions.

"I think your dancing tells me that underneath that hard, prideful exterior, you are just as vulnerable as the rest of us. Because you can't portray emotion so well if you have none can you?"

Harry stiffens. Because she's close. And no one has ever come that close to understanding the pieces that make up his soul before. The pieces he so desperately tries to hide.

He looks at her, her eyes flickering over his for just one vulnerable second before he turns away from the window. "I'm hungry," he states, changing the subject before this girl finds out more then he wants to share. "Let's stop and get a chocolate shake on the way back. I know a great place."

Giselle looked at Harry like he was crazy. She thought he was, suggesting something as calorie filled as ice cream before they continued their rehearsal.

"I shouldn't..." Giselle argues. She knew how tempting that chocolate shake would be. It would go down smooth. Rich and creamy and tasting like heaven. But it wouldn't seem so delicious on the way back up. Or when she had to make up for the calories with extra workouts the rest of the week. Her stomach churns at the image.

"Believe me, this shake is worth the extra calories. And besides, you've earned it. I've never see you dance like that before."

Giselle wonders if that was supposed to be a compliment. Harry doesn't seem to be taking no as an answer on the chocolate shake, so she follows begrudgingly, telling herself that she didn't have to drink more than a few sips. Harry would never know.

Harry was right about the shakes. As they re-enter the American Ballet Theatre building, Giselle has devoured more than a few sips out of the large paper cup, and she silently curses herself for the lack of self-control. She tosses the remaining half in the trash can outside of the studio before she can be tempted any further.

"You aren't going home?" Harry asks as he picks up his bag from the floor where he left it earlier, slinging the thin black strap over his shoulder.

"Home? We've barely rehearsed," Giselle says incredulously. "You may be good to leave but I've got to work for at least a few more hours."

Harry wonders if Giselle had understood anything from their excursion today. For a moment, he'd thought she'd seen it. That she didn't have to try so hard. That she could more gracious to herself. She was dancing just fine. Better than fine even. But he decides now is not the time to argue with her.

"Well, I'm gonna head home for the night. I'll see you tomorrow?" He leans against the doorframe of the studio entrance instantly wondering why he'd phrased his statement into a question.

"See you tomorrow," Giselle says, pulling off her jacket and reaching for the pointe shoes laid next to her bag.

Harry smiles again, and turns away from the door, Giselle watching him as he leaves.

"Wait, Harry!" she calls, rushing to the hall with one pointe shoe on and the other in her hand. "Thank you for tonight. It helped."

Harry shrugs. "Of course." And Giselle watches as he retreats down the hall.

Giselle returns to the studio, tying up her other pointe shoe. She stares at herself in the mirror, the outline of her body reminding her of the chocolate shake that now sat in her stomach. Any pleasure that she had gotten from the creamy ice cream had now turned into disgust. She couldn't rehearse like this. So she makes her way to the bathroom.

Harry realizes once he's down to the street that he's left his phone in the studio. He must have left it near the speaker when he was using it to play their rehearsal music. He lets out a sigh, adjusts his bag on his shoulder and makes his way back up the three flights of stairs to the studio.

He doesn't see Giselle in the studio when he steps back inside, grabbing his phone from where it lay near the speaker just as he suspected. Her stuff is still here though, a black duffle bag in a pile near the corner of the room. He thinks for a moment about calling out to her, wondering where she went off to, but he stops himself. It wasn't as if one salsa class and a chocolate shake had made them friends.

As he walks back towards the staircase, he hears noise from behind the closed bathroom door. He recognizes the sound immediately, a noise he'd heard many times during his years as a ballet dancer, most often from Alice.

The thought of his former partner makes his heart ache, even after all these years. He tries to push her golden blonde hair and green eyes out of his mind, but he can't. The image of the fragile girl he had once been in love with burned in his mind.

Harry considers knocking on the door, making sure Giselle is alright, but he knows from his previous experiences that this would likely not yield any results. She wasn't alright, clearly. But Harry doubted that there was much he could say at this point that would make her feel like she was. So instead he turns back down the stairs and towards his apartment.

Alice's face remains in his mind the rest of the evening.

Harry had met Alice at the age of twelve, when they were still young and impressionable and would stop at nothing to achieve their dreams of becoming principal dancers at the Royal Ballet.

Alice was his first partner. She was the person that taught Harry the importance of trust, the sacrifices a male dancer made to make sure his ballerina looked effortless and that relationships between partners rarely ended well.

But Harry and Alice were young and energetic and they spent hours together working to be the best in their class. It didn't take much, they were both naturally-gifted dancers. But even when they were the best, they didn't stop.

By the time they were thirteen, they were best friends. Harry knew everything about Alice. From her favorite purple leotard, to her favorite ballerina and even her favorite movie (although they didn't have much time for movies at the Royal Ballet School). Alice knew everything about Harry too. About his past and his love for dance and the fact that he absolutely despised adagio for no reason in particular.

By the time they were fifteen, friendship had blossomed into love. Or what they thought of love at that young age. The kind of young, innocent love where nothing was complicated and every moment spent together was the best thing to ever happen to them. They dreamed of dancing together for years, becoming principals at the Royal and working til they retried, then living out their lives teaching the next generation of dancers at the Royal Ballet School. Because they were best friends and they were partners and they knew everything about each other and that was what was supposed to happen right?

But Harry didn't know everything about Alice. He hadn't noticed how as she began to transform from the girl he met at twelve into a young woman she'd begun to loathe her body. He hadn't noticed the way she'd skipped meals or ran a few miles every evening after rehearsals. He hadn't noticed that every time she was corrected about the tone of her arms or the tightening of her core that she'd take it to mean her body wasn't thin enough or she wasn't following the right diet.

Until one day he did. When found her perched over the trashcan after they'd been out for pizza with some of the other students. She blamed it on a stomach bug and said it was nothing. But then he'd heard that noise a second time. And then a third and a fourth and a fifth. Until one day, he came to anticipate the sound of Alice purging whatever meals she was forced to eat.

He confronted her about it one day. Told her that he was concerned about her. That maybe she should talk to someone, the school had people for that sort of thing after all. He told her she was more than thin enough, too thin nearly- but she didn't hear a word he was saying. Instead she was angry at him, for not understanding and even more, he suspected, for never being criticized for his own ballet body.

It tore them apart as a couple. It tore them apart as partners. And one day that trust that Alice and Harry had built so high was broken when she fell from a lift. The fall wasn't far, and for most of people would have only yielded a bruise or two. But Alice's body was fragile and osteoporotic and when she fell she broke her wrist, her bone's as fragile as an 80-year-old woman's from lack of nutrition.

That's when everyone else noticed Alice's struggles. Her parents become distraught, pulling her out of the school and sending her to an inpatient center for individuals with body dysmorphia. Harry thought that when she was done with treatment, she'd come back to the school and they'd be partners again. Their dreams of becoming principal dancers still attainable. But Alice didn't come back, and when Harry visited her one cool day in October, he realized he didn't recognize the girl staring back at him. The ballet world had destroyed her self-image, her self-confidence and worst of all, her love of dance. She could never look at ballet the same way again or Harry.

For a long time, Harry was angry. Angry at himself for not recognizing what Alice was going through sooner. Angry at their ballet mistresses and directors for saying things that made Alice think she didn't measure up, that her body was something different from what it was. Angry at the ballet world for the culture that obsessed with thinness and lightness and pushed dancers to their breaking points. But most of all he was angry that even when he became a principal, it wouldn't be him and Alice dancing out that stage for the rest of their career, like they'd dreamed when they were just kids.

Harry supposed this is why even to this day he didn't trust the ballet world- all the stuff that happens beyond the stage. He was a dancer for one purpose- because he loved the art form. Not because he loved the school or the culture or the people in it. He loved to dance and only to dance. What happened to Alice had proved to him that if you give too much to anything but the stage- everything can be taken from you.

He pushes the thoughts of Alice aside and makes a mental note to be nicer to Giselle. He wouldn't be the reason another person lost dance. Because if Giselle was anything like Harry, dance was the only thing she had.

**********************************************

Giselle notices that Harry is awfully cheery the next day. He slides in next to her on the bar during company class, saying good morning in a tone that causes even Caleb to raise his eyebrow. He compliments her after she rehearses her Act II solo and gives her nothing but praise all through rehearsal with Viktor and Mistress Ivanova.

Giselle grows suspicious. This is not the Harry Styles she knows. This is not even the Harry Styles she had seen salsa dancing. This Harry was cheeky and flattering and...flirty? She'd seen Harry like this before, and usually it was when he was chatting it up with some corps de ballet member he wanted to bring back to his place.

Did Harry think that salsa dancing meant she wanted to sleep with him? Did he think she was just another member of the company that he could 'escape' with? Giselle rolls her eyes at the thought. Had Harry Styles learned nothing about her?

Giselle isn't going to stand for this nonsense. Opening night is six weeks away and there is far too much at stake to play one of Harry's games. She decides if he says anything that isn't sarcastic or rude to her tonight at their rehearsal, she is going to call him out on it. Harry couldn't fool her, not even with those gorgeous green eyes of his.

"Ready for rehearsal?" Harry asks as he enters the rehearsal studio that night. Giselle is already wiping the sweat from her brow after running through the Odile solo three times and so she simply nods.

"Mistress Ivanova seemed really impressed with our Act II pas de deux today," Harry says as he pulls off the grey hoodie he's wearing, the bottom of his toned abs showing as the black tank top he wears underneath pulls up with it. "You were really channeling Odette today, Giselle. Just beautiful dancing."

And there it was. The compliment instead of the sarcastic comment.

"Why are you doing this?" Giselle snaps.

Harry looks at her, his eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I want to be nice?" Harry replies, trying to figure out just what was the problem with being nice towards Giselle. Would she rather he be an asshole?

"What you whisk me off to salsa dance and then think that you are going to seduce me? Because I'm not going to fall for your act Harry, I know who you are."

Giselle's face is stern and Harry feels at a loss. He didn't know she would react like this just to him trying to be cordial. He wasn't trying to seduce her, Giselle is beautiful, it wasn't that he couldn't see her that way. But something was different with Giselle, something Harry couldn't put his finger on. The last thing he wanted to do was sleep with her and jeopardize their partnership on the stage.

"It's not that Giselle. It's just..." he pauses. Should he say something? There was no other explanation for his niceties. He had to tell her the truth. "The other night, after we salsa-ed, I forgot my phone and had to come back to the studio and I thought I heard you.."

Giselle stops him before he can finish. She knows what he is going to say and she doesn't want to hear it aloud. She feels her face flushing and her hands begin to tremble. She can't do this. She can't talk about this. So she panics.

"You didn't hear shit Harry," she spits, storming to the edge of the room and grabbing her duffle bag. She doesn't even bother to pull on sweatpants or take off her pointe shoes before making her way to the door.

"Where are you going Giselle?" Harry shouts after her as she walks towards the door.

"I'm leaving!" she shouts back. "Mistress Ivanova said she loved our rehearsal today didn't she? No need to force you to practice!" And then she runs down the stairs, leaving Harry standing the hallway.

Harry Styles knows her secret, and she's never felt more exposed.

Taglist: 

@tpwkhoney​ ,  @swtxel , @stylessugarhigh​ ,  @morethanamelodyy​ , @masumiyetimziyanoldu​ , @hhh33-3l​

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #126: Bedivere

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're making the one delivery service with worse return timelines than Amazon, Bedivere!

Bedi's got a bit of extra witchcraft that certainly would have gotten you in trouble if you weren't rolling with the king of England, but he's also a knight who's accomplished in the art of warfare. Surprisingly, that combination means your build is actually more complicated than the immortal pseudogod you face off against.

There's really no telling what gets accounted for in D&D classes.

Check out Bedi's build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: What a twist!

Race and Background

I mean, you were human at some point. Ol' Bedi's much, much older than he looks, thanks to time traveling the long way around to me your king again. So far, in fact, that you now count as a Reborn from that fancy new UA. Using the new lineage traits, you get +2 Charisma and +1 Constitution. You also count as an Undead and a Humanoid, meaning you're affected by both Turn Undead and Cure Wounds. Real fun for a paladin! You've got a Medium size, with 30' of movement speed. You get 60' of Darkvision, and your Deathless Nature nets you a gaggle of benefits. You have advantage against disease and poison, and resist poison damage. You also get advantage on death saves, and don't require most things needed for life. You no long require eating, drinking, or breathing, and instead of sleeping you just sit tight for four hours. This also means magic can't put you to sleep. Finally, a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus you can recall Knowledge from a Past Life, adding 1d6 to a skill check.

That almost makes up for... actually it doesn't make up for anything. Still, it's better than nothing.

Oh yeah, background. You're a Knight of the Order, like your coworkers before you. This gives you proficiency with Religion and Persuasion.

Ability Scores

Make your Charisma as high as possible. You look me in the eyes and tell me that isn't a charming young man, I dare you. After that is Wisdom, because you can't fight a war if you can't see what the enemy is doing. After that is Constitution-you survived an inordinate amount of time to get to this point, and even with a magic artifact that's still one hell of a save DC. Strength is next, you're as good with a sword in one hand as most knights are with two, but we'll get our swordfighting skills from somewhere else in just a bit. Your Dexterity is a bit low, but you wear heavy armor, so it's not that much of a problem. Finally, dump Intelligence. Like a lot of builds, Bedivere isn't dumb- we just needed other abilities more, and intelligence affects very little besides skill checks, and that's what KfaPL is for.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: Once again, no surprise here. As a paladin, you get a Divine Sense to locate extraplanar beasties nearby, and you can also Lay on Hand to heal a creature from a pool of hp equal to five times your paladin level, which refills on long rests.

You also get proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as two paladin skills. I've said this already, but you can do one-handed what most people need two for, so you're pretty good at Athletics. You're also able to read the battlefield well, and that most closely translates to Insight.

2. Paladin 2: Second level paladins get a fighting style, and since all your weapons are one handed, the Dueling style is perfect for you, adding 2 to all your one-handed weapon attacks when you aren't also wielding a shield or a second weapon. You can also cast and prepare spells using your Charisma. You can also burn those spell slots to activate your Divine Smite, adding some extra radiant damage to your weapon attacks.

Bedivere is known for his knowledge in witchcraft, so he gets a bit more leeway in what spells he can get. That being said, Heroism is always a good pick to calm yourself before a battle, and Bless will use your Charisma skill to improve your allies' attack rolls and saves, giving them an extra d4 for the duration.

3. Warlock 1: I know you're more of a paladin than this, but you don't have one of your arms yet, and to be honest it's cramping our style. Technically you got your arm from Merlin, but we've done more than enough crown paladin/archfey warlock combos now thanks to the Pendragon family to last a lifetime. Your powers more directly come from your arm, which is a transformed magical sword, so that makes you a Hexblade warlock.

At first level, you can place a Hexblade's Curse on someone once per short rest. This means you deal extra damage to them based on your proficiency bonus, you crit on 19s when you attack, and you gain hp when the target dies. The curse only lasts for 1 minute, but so do most D&D fights, so you're probably fine.

You also become a Hex Warrior, allowing you to use Charisma instead of Strength when attacking with a specific weapon you choose after a long rest. Once you get your pact boon, this will apply to any weapon you make with that boon (though you probably want to make your hand).

You also get Pact Magic, which is kinda like normal magic, but it doesn't mix with your other spell slots, and recharges on short rests. This also uses your Charisma to cast.

You can cast True Strike to strike true, Prestidigitation to make up for all the little magic effects we can't get you, Wrathful Smite to smite while you smite, and Comprehend Languages, because most people aren't going to know what you're talking about if you're speaking Middle English.

4. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, ways to customize the selling your soul experience. Save one for next level, but grab Beast Speech so you can cast Speak with Animals for free. There's a lot of talking creatures in medieval mythology, and we spend most of our spell slots smiting. You can also cast Unseen Servant to make things a bit witchier, and also for help carrying cumbersome stuff.

5. Warlock 3: Third level warlocks get their pact boon, and Pact of the Blade will allow you to summon your arm as an action. You can also make other weapons, but regardless, whatever you make counts as a magical weapon for resistances, and can be used as a casting focus for your spells. You also get the invocation Improved Pact Weapon for a +1 to damage and attack rolls.

Finally, you learn how to cast Hold Person, locking a humanoid who fails a wisdom save (DC 8 + proficiency + charisma mod) in place and making all attacks against them critical hits. This usually ends poorly for them, especially when smites get added to the mix.

6. Paladin 3: Oh that's right you're a paladin too. You might be sick of this by now, but Crown paladins; let's talk about them. You get two Channel Divinity options, which you can use once per short rest. Both use your bonus action, but Champion Challenge forces enemies within 30' of you who fail their wisdom save to stay within 30' of you. This lasts until you're incapacitated, you die, or the creature ends up further away from you unwillingly. Turn the Tide heals bloodied allies around you a touch, to keep them in the fight a bit longer.

Alternatively, you can Harness Divine Power, turning that channel divinity use into a refilled spell slot.

You also get Divine Health, making you immune to disease.

Finally, you get oath spells, which you always have prepared. You already could've cast Command and Compelled Duel anyway, but now they're not taking up prep space.

7. Paladin 4: Just because we're taking a different patron doesn't mean we can't rep Merlin a bit, so use this Ability Score Improvement to become a bit Fey Touched. This rounds up your Charisma, and also allows you to cast Misty Step or Gift of Alacrity once per long rest for free. Alternatively, you can use your spell slots, but I'd save those for smites, personally. The former lets you teleport, the latter adds a bit to one character's initiative for a couple hours. Basically you're just telling someone to keep their eyes peeled, but magically.

8. Fighter 1: Depending on how your DM wants to rule it, Argetlam might be a regular weapon, or it might be an actual hand. Grab the Unarmed Fighting fighting style if it's the latter, or just grab Defense otherwise.

You also get a Second Wind, allowing you to heal yourself as a bonus action. You've been around for a while, you know when you're reaching your limits.

9. Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each attack action. They also get second level spells, including your oath spells Warding Bond and Zone of Truth. Literally making it impossible for yourself to lie can be a great show of trust when meeting new people. Or new gods. Either or.

I'd recommend grabbing Protection from Poison since you'll be travelling with Serenity for a while, or Branding Smite for the inevitable fight against Sir Tristan. I hear he's kind of hard to hit.

10. Warlock 4: Use this ASI to max out your Charisma for the best attacks and spells possible. You also fill out your defensive repertoire with the cantrip Blade Ward to make yourself more durable and Blur to make yourself harder to hit. Nobody said living this long would be easy.

11. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells and slots. I'd consider a lot of what the Lion King did to the round table to count as a curse, so grab Remove Curse to fight back. You also get the invocation Eldritch Smite this level, allowing you to burn a spell slot for some extra force damage. This is on top of your Divine Smite dealing radiant damage, and possibly on top of your Wrathful Smite dealing psychic damage, by the way. Argetlam's got a lot of power behind it.

12. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, giving you an extra action to slap on your turn once per short rest. You've been pushing yourself for hundreds of years, six seconds is nothing.

13. Fighter 3: As a Battle Master, you really come into your own in terms of warfare. You become a Student of War, giving you calligraphy proficiency, the most powerful of abilities. On a lesser note, you also get Combat Superiority, meaning you can use three maneuvers, powered by four superiority dice. These are d8s that recharge every short rest.

Commander's Strike uses one of your attacks to allow another creature to attack instead, using their reaction. If they do so, you add the superiority die to their damage. Tactical Assessment improves your battlefield knowledge without having to invest in intelligence as an ability, allowing you to add the superiority die to one Investigation, History, or Insight check. You can also Rally a companion as a bonus action, giving them some temporary HP.

14. Paladin 6: Oh that's right you're also a paladin. Now you've got an Aura of Protection, meaning every save made within 10' of you gets your charisma modifier added to it, if you so choose.

15. Paladin 7: Your Divine Allegiance allows you to use a reaction to take another creature's damage for it. Mash is lovely, but occasionally she needs some time off tanking.

16. Paladin 8: You get another ASI this level, and your charisma's all good now... grab some Constitution I guess? More health is nice.

17. Paladin 9: Ninth level paladins get third level spells, like your oath spells Aura of Vitality and Spirit Guardians. You could also use something like Crusader's Mantle or Spirit Shroud to pile even more radiant damage onto your attacks.

18. Paladin 10: Your Aura of Courage calms allies around you, preventing them from being frightened.

19. Paladin 11: Hey, did you want even more radiant damage on your attacks? Here, have an Improved Divine Smite. Same smite taste, no spell slots!

20. Paladin 12: Your capstone level is another ASI! Bump up your strength. This doesn't give you many benefits, but you're a knight, you should be pretty strong.

Pros:

You've got a divine smite, improved divine smite, eldritch smite, and even one of the spell smites if you're feeling spicy. Four smites at once means your critical hits hurt. Especially since you can fish for them with a hexblade's curse.

Despite your damage dealing, you've also got plenty of tools in your support kit. Tank for allies, heal them, help them attack more, improve their initiative... You can do a lot.

You've got almost 200 hp and ways to heal yourself, so your survivability's pretty on point as well. Stay in the fight, and make sure everyone else does too.

Cons:

Thanks to being a reborn, you count as an undead for spells and effects. That'll seriously hinder your social standing in places that can check for that sort of thing, and it'll also make working with clerics in general troublesome.

Hexblade makes picking ASIs a lot easier, but it also means your strength and dexterity scores aren't as high. Because of that your AC isn't going to be that great. It's a good thing you can survive hits, because you'll definitely be taking them.

Despite your array of smites, you have limited spell slots to use them with. Your highest level spells are only level 3, and you don't get that many slots to work with, so you'll have to be careful of when you go all out.