#They gave me my raw score (I think???) in each of the categories and when I added them up it was very low

[spikeisawesome456]

WOOOO BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR TEST YOU GOT THIS

I thank you, but I do not think I did well. 😔

Oh well. I had my time to panic over it and freak out, went through all five stages of grief, and now I'm at "acceptance" and am thinking how I could do better next time. If I failed, I honestly have no idea, I think I did but who knows. It's weighted, so maybe that means something. I honestly don't know what I could do "better" next time, since it's not like I didn't understand the questions. I did. I understood most of them just fine and chose according to how I thought it should be answered, and I guess... my views of being a school counselor are different to what is actually expected of one...? Maybe? It was a very counterintuitive test, I'll be honest. I'm usually very good at being able to rule out wrong answers, since I'm usually good at deductive reasoning, but like... dang. What can I study when I understand the questions, I just don't think the actual answers make sense...?

Who knows. Maybe I'll look up a practice guide for the Praxis and maybe see if I could get like... a tutor or something. More practice tests, since the one I did yesterday did help. Just not enough, I guess.

[duckprintspress]

I'm confused about the scoring system. It was said on the website that people were scored (numerically) and yet someone with much higher scores than I got didn't get accepted nor was offered the mentoring/beta/get to know discord.

I can't help but feel there is an error here. Is there a way to explain this?

Hi anon!

So there are a few things going on here, and I’ll try to explain them all.

Thing the First:

The scores on the rubrics are raw scores. Once we really got down-and-dirty with rating things, and I did some data analysis, I discovered that some of our raters were being a bit more generous than others. By the time we were done with all the scoring, there was nearly a 2 point split between the most generous and least generous scorer, on average. This was clearly a fairness issue - if one writer got our three most generous raters, and a second writer got our three least generous raters, even if they submitted identical stories, the second writer would get a lower rating. Rather than leave things like that, I did some research on statistical models that would standardize our ratings.

Basically, with the help of an excel algorithm (the “STANDARDIZE” function), we calculated the average that each rater gave, and that rater’s deviation from the mean (standard deviation), and plugged that in to convert their ratings from the 0 to 20 scale to a different, standard scale - which ran roughly from -2.5 to positive 2.5. What the standardization really did was - for each rater, whatever score they personally gave on average was 0 (so, if rater one’s average score was a 15...that was standardized to zero. And if rater two’s average score was 10...that was also standardized to zero. So now instead of comparing apples to oranges, we were comparing apples to apples). Then, if they rated a fic 1 standard deviation above or below their average, that became a 1 or a -1. If they rated it 2 standard deviations above or below their average, that became a 2 or a -2. And so on. This ensured that all of the stories were rated on the same scale and everyone was treated equally - standardization of test scores erased the differences caused by some people rating more strictly.

So, if you and your friends are comparing rubrics (which you’re welcome to do!) and you noticed that some of you did better, numerically, but had different outcomes, that’s likely a factor - one of you may have had more generous or more strict readers.

(Here’s some more information on how Standardization, here’s the very basics...there are other forms of standardizing, such as fitting folks to a bell curve, or curving the entire score, but those were not suited to our needs)

Thing the Second:

The top 20 authors, statistically adjusted for fairness, were invited to contribute to Add Magic to Taste. As it turned out, these top 20 DID roughly correlate to our top 20 by raw scores; comparing the two rankings, there are only two people out of the top 20 who wouldn’t have made it based on raw scores but did when their scores were adjusted to be standardized against the same scale.

The next 20 authors (ranked 21 to 40, when statistically adjusted for fairness) were also invited to Discord, and we’ve also invited them to potentially be involved in a second anthology. Depending on how many of them say yes, we may be able to open that opportunity up a bit more, but we’re not sure yet. Two of these people, by raw score, would have made the top 20, and three of these people, by raw score, would not have made the top 40. However, again, when we standardized the data to reflect the differences in rater strictness, these were the results.

That leaves another 62 people, who had various ratings all below those top 40. Some of them had a raw score fairly similar to their standardized score...and some of them didn’t. For example - my wife was an applicant to this, and she gave me permission to use her numbers for this example. By raw average? My wife came in 49th. However, one of her raters was someone who USUALLY rated very high, and gave hers a (relatively, compared to that person’s usual hig haverage) low score - when that was adjusted statistically, it caused my wife’s fic to plummet to 64th, because even though the raw number itself wasn’t bad, it was statistically well outside the norm for that rater. So, believe me when I say - these standardizations can make a big difference. If you, or anyone reading this, would like, I’m willing to send you what your standardized scores were (while still maintaining reviewer anonymity). I was originally thinking of adding them to the rubrics but doing so would have been a lot of work, and so I passed - next time we do this, they’ll probably be on there.

Thing the Third:

Often, what separated a fic that succeeded from a fic that didn’t was the range of raters scores. For example, the fic that ended up with the highest rating (by both calculations) wasn’t anyone’s favorite fic - but all three readers thought it was solid, and that was enough. My personal favorite fic? Didn’t even hit the Top 20. What often happened was -

Top fics: either all three people liked it pretty well, or one to two people adored it and the other person or people liked it well enough.

Second tier fics: either all three people thought it was okay, or one person loved it and two people were fairly meh about it.

Middle-range fics: either all three people thought it was average, or one person loved it and two people didn’t like it, or two people thought it was pretty good but one person hated it.

Lower quartile fics: either all three people didn’t think the fic was “up to snuff,” or one or two readers really hated it while a third thought it was average.

This isn’t universal, of course - but a fic that had one really high rating could easily do worse than a fic that had three so-so ratings, because...that’s how averages work. And that’s also why we had three readers for each - to try to even out some of the differences that would arise if someone had an extreme reaction to a fic that others didn’t. Obviously, it’s not a flawless system - no system was flawless - but with the resources and manpower we had, we thought this was a fair way to handle things, and we truly did our best. As soon as we broke 20 applications, we were never going to be able to accept everyone, and so we strived to create a transparent system that treated all of our applicants equally.

Thing the Fourth:

Now, in addition to the “why might scores be higher/lower” aspect of your question, there’s the aspect of “getting the Discord invite.” Now, the top 40 folks got Discord invites automatically, and those offers were based solely on the rating they received.

The other Discord invites that we sent out were not based on ratings alone! Just like we had a “reader subjective feelings” category on the rubric, when we’d finished rating all the stories, we were left with a conundrum - all of us had fics we liked that didn’t make the top 40. Maybe it was that “one person love it and two people didn’t like it” permutations. Maybe it was that all of us thought it was “good” but not “great.” Maybe some aspect of the story caught our eye. Based on our reactions, and the fics we saw that we wished had made it, we selected people to get invites. Those Discord invites were sent out based solely on subjective criteria.

Yes, we worried about doing this. Yes, we went back and forth about doing it at all. But in the end, what we decided was - we didn’t want to give Discord invites to everyone, because there were plenty of people we didn’t think their writing was quite ready yet - mentoring is an intensive prospect, and one for which we won’t get paid up front and might possibly never get paid, and while this all looks wonderful from the outside please do remember that we’re running a business - one that I’ve been working my ass off on for more than four months and have yet to earn enough to draw a single paycheck. So inviting everyone was never in the cards. And on the other hand, if we chose to give invites to no one, that would mean potentially having some people that caught our eye “slip through the cracks.” What if they got too discouraged to reapply? What if we missed the chance to work with them, after they’d impressed us?

To use an analogy - we saw something in everyone who applied, but in some it was “this is an uncut diamond, and we aren’t in the position to take it from raw to finished,” and in others it was, “this is a diamond with a crack, or a flaw, or a rough spot...and we think if we put in the work, we can get it to perfection.” And our verdict on the uncut diamonds isn’t, “this is uncut and it will never be cut,” it’s, “all of these diamonds have spent years honing themselves and working hard to strive for flawlessness, and but some are clearly farther along that journey than others. Once these uncut diamonds have shaped more of their rough edges themselves, we hope they’ll come back when they are ALSO only one flaw from perfection, and work with us then!”

There was no way for us to win, and there was also no fair way to distribute invites based solely on the raw scores, or even based solely on standardized scores, because some of the scores were sometimes not reflective our actual opinions of the writing. For example - if someone wrote a grammatically perfect story, with a compelling use of language, but the plot and characters were inaccessible to us because it required fandom knowledge we didn’t have, that might have scored very poorly, but we have every reason to think that if they’d chosen a different work that was more accessible they’d have done much better. Or, as another example - if someone’s writing was really sloppy, because of a lack of editing or possibly because English isn’t their native language - but they have a skill for creating characters, or setting a scene, or had excellent pacing - then again, they could have ended up with a score that didn’t reflect the actual potential that we saw in their work - using our judgement and expertise.

So, flat out - yes, there are inequalities in how the Discord invites were distributed to the 62 people who didn’t make the cut for either anthology. And yes, we agonized over whether to give them out at all. And no, I won’t swear that we always made the right choices - we were going by the one story submitted to us, and we had to use our best judgement based on what we were presented - what each applicant chose to submit. In the end, we invited the people who - regardless of their score - we personally thought were the closest to being sellable - in the sense of, “probably only missing one piece that would help with to get them from ‘didn’t make it’ to ‘now we’re talking.” And I truly, truly wish that we could have everyone. But if we spend all our time mentoring people, then we won’t have time for doing any of the other aspects of this business. We are not a writing school. We are a book publisher. This ISN’T just fandom, and I DO have to think about what is sellable and what isn’t, because in the end...I’m trying to make money, and pay my staff, and give our authors the highest royalties possible, and, and, and.

As a further note on this topic? We are still issuing new Discord invites, based on e-mail conversations we’re having with people. Several people who didn’t initially get those invites? Have now gotten them. It just depends on how people are responding to us, and the conversations we’re having, and lots of other factors.

And, as I tried to say in the post I put up earlier today about notifications: even the people who didn’t get invites have potential. Every single writer who applied has potential. All of you, even if you struggled with multiple areas, had some aspect in which you shined. In a perfect world, we would help you all. But this isn’t a perfect world, and I don’t have the hours in the day to bring up the people who aren’t already close, and I’m sorry about that. So, please, please - if you didn’t make it, don’t be discouraged, and don’t give up. You’re the only one who can tell your stories - if you don’t do it, no one else will. Find fandom friends who will give you honest critique. Learn to read your own writing with a critical eye. Track down stories that really speak to you, and read them like a writer - to see how the original writer put them together, and deliberately emulate what you thought worked. There are many, many ways to improve writing craft, and if ya’ll want to be published, either with us or with anyone, we strongly encourage you to examine whichever ones appeal to you and work for you.

There’s isn’t a single person who applied who couldn’t, one day, be published by Duck Prints Press.

We were never going to make everyone happy, however much we hate making people sad.

We did our best to make as many people as possible happy, while also doing what we feel to be best for Duck Prints Press.

If we hurt you - we’re sorry. We said in the application process that we’d be giving honest feedback, and we’ve never made a secret of the fact that this is a business and our goal is to publish books that sell - nor did we pretend that we’d be able to take more than 20, but we were so impressed by the quality of what we received that we did everything we could think of to open the doors to more folks, while still maintaining the core integrity of our business model. That means we have to narrow the pool; we can’t just take everyone, especially now, when we’re so small and new. Our desire to take as many people as possible is why anyone who wasn’t in the top 20 got an invite, and why we planned an entire second anthology on the fly, instead of no one below the top 20 getting anything except a rejection letter.

Now, as a final thing - it IS possible we made a mistake. We’ve spotted one big one already, and we’re working with that author to rectify the situation. If you truly believe we made a mistake, please e-mail us, and we can look into it. Our email is info @ duckprintspress dot com.

Sorry this got long - but I figured, if one person wondered this, others too, and as we have since day one - our goal is to be transparent, and so I thought it better to answer more thoroughly rather than less.

[letterboxd]

Jungleland.

“You’re in the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen, but it’s hell.” Colombian filmmaker Alejandro Landes takes us deep inside the extreme filming conditions of his acclaimed jungle thriller Monos, and the art of letting life come onto the page.

Alejandro Landes’ second fictional film Monos follows a ragtag group of Colombian teen soldiers enlisted to care for an American hostage known as Doctora (played by Julianne Nicholson) and a conscripted milk cow, but struggling to function under power-trips and adolescent recklessness.

The film has been gathering awards all year, including Sundance’s World Cinema Dramatic Special Jury Award, and praise for Mica Levi’s score. Monos is Colombia’s submission for the Best International Feature Film Oscar (the Academy Award category that, until last year, was known as Best Foreign Language Film). Hot on the heels of last year’s Birds of Passage, Monos is a fresh source of pride for Colombian movie lovers.

With Landes’ raw approach, Monos belongs in the same club of gritty war films as Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket and Come and See. Letterboxd members dig its “captivating, alluring atmosphere” and “the immensely physical performances”; it’s “a brutal, unflinching fever dream that takes you hostage for 102 minutes.”

‘Monos’ director Alejandro Landes.

We caught up with director Alejandro Landes, a journalist-turned-documentarian who has made his way to dramatic cinema, and asked him to take us into his experience of making the film.

What inspired this jungle thriller? Alejandro Landes: Coming from Colombia—a country that’s had six years of civil war—inspired the idea of making a film that is in part a war film. The nature of that conflict that’s in the shadows is very similar with what’s happening with war today. It doesn’t have those epic front lines that maybe our great-grandparents or grandparents experienced in WWI or WWII. Most operations are done by special forces or drones in Syria, Iraq or Afghanistan.

The idea of creating a film from the backlines is something that speaks to my generation, and creating a mirror to the conflict of adolescence when you’re between a child and being an adult. You want to belong but also be alone, hair comes out of places, your voice changes—and so the film is this exploration of this borderline.

You’re in the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen, but it’s hell. You don’t know if they’re fighting for left-wing guerilla forces or the right-wing paramilitary force. I wanted to create this allegory where you’re forced to latch onto the humanity and presence of the characters instead of a big ideology. That was very much what drew me into the film.

When it comes to the back-stories of the characters, and even the time and place where it’s set, you leave a deliberate ambiguity. What motivated that decision? Many times we latch onto first names and last names, ages, dates, names of places, because they make us feel safe. They’re kind of stickers. Like when you fill out a sheet at a job application or at a doctor’s office. But these hard facts can feed into your prejudices. I thought it was interesting because the world is so polarized today.

You don’t know if Doctora is a CIA operative or an NGO officer. You can’t look at the character through the lens of their occupation, or their last name even. That’s why the characters have a nom de guerre and I think that for me was key for the metaphor to act subversively and kind of just work against any prejudices you might have.

We always want back-stories to justify and explain actions and a lot of the time it ends up being expository or a filmmaker’s psychoanalysis. Here, I wanted to enforce something very radical which made people feel uncomfortable in war. I wanted you to experience it from the humanity of a group which is basically the lowest rung of the ladder—and many times they are kids.

As fantastical as it sounds, it’s actually very common. I read a lot of first-hand accounts of people who had been kidnapped by well-known organizations and although the high command had been the one negotiating—be it for political leverage or money—the day-to-day custodianship ended up being the youngest soldiers. The people that were kidnapped experienced being in the hands of kids going through their adolescence and it was a peculiar situation.

The film relies on its ensemble, so you really depended on efficient casting. What do you think it was that pulled these young actors through the brutal challenge to be a part of this film? I think it was the time that we spent together before we even started to shoot. I looked at over 800 kids all over Colombia and ended up bringing that down to about 25. We did a mock training camp and had them do acting improv exercises in the morning. They were doing pieces of the screenplay without knowing they were scenes from the same script. They thought they were random exercises.

In the afternoon they would do military drills; not classic military boot stomping, but sometimes dancing, barefoot drills, carrying a weapon. We were trying to create this clandestine army and by seeing them live together I was able to see who flirted with who, who fought with who, what chemistries there were, and that way we were able to build the group who would be the final eight.

During this process of the boot camp we wrote the screenplay, trying to bring the lives of each one of them [into it]. I knew that Boom Boom was a big hip-hop dancer. I knew that Rambo’s most important thing in her life is her brother. Certain things helped the screenplay and the emotional states that the actor would later go into during the shoot.

What were you looking for when recruiting the Doctora role, and why did Julianne Nicholson fit the part for you? I thought [Julianne] had this very loveable sweetness to her, and I thought it would be a challenge to take that sensitivity with the maternal instinct that she had with her captors and turn it violent. She was willing to bring that physicality to the screen and she’s got that iconic look to her that reminded me of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I thought of the film as a sort of fairytale. I thought the way Julianne was able to portray that switch was something we haven’t seen on screen.

She was also willing to go down [to Colombia] and make it happen. That was a big thing. She spent time with the kids to really be there for weeks in these incredibly tough conditions. She was willing to go, not just when it was her scenes, but she spent time in [Doctora’s] cell. She drew all the charcoal paintings you see in her room, they were done by hand by her.

Much of the drama depended on your choice of shooting locations. How did you shape the narrative around these limitations and how did shooting in these remote places affect the cast and crew? Shooting 13,000 feet [above sea level], there was really very little oxygen up there. Going down to the jungle canyon where you have to take a donkey, take an off-road, take a raft, take a kayak all the way to reach base-camp. Everyone is at their limit. On the first day of shooting, we had to bring someone down from the camera department who had an epileptic fit. I needed to be carried out of the jungle [due to suspected appendicitis] on the shoulders on these gold miners that were there. They taught us how to live on the river.

Something the locations gave me that was really special was the narrative arc of the film. That highlands you see in the beginning, it’s a big reservoir of water which is a very delicate ecosystem called páramo. The water trickles down the mountain and gains more speed until it reaches the currents in the lowlands. That path of water was what we were following in the film. The idea of how a river moves in a winding way with different speeds and velocity was what we were trying to echo in the structure of the edit.

Remember too, that once the water reaches the lowlands, it condenses, goes up to the clouds and comes down again in the highlands. So in a way there’s something about the cyclical nature of violence and the circular movement of water that made sense to me. That all sounds great but it’s another thing to make it work in the edit, and we really worked hard so you never thought you were looking from the back of the river—you were always in the river.

The look of the film is remarkable. The clouds, the silhouettes, you have a literal ‘fog of war’. How did you set out to achieve this? The important thing is to look at what was in front of you. My first film was a documentary. I didn’t go to film school so making that film was my film school and a documentary forces you to look at what’s happening in front of you. As much as we had a very detailed screenplay and everything storyboarded, the locations change on a dime so we couldn’t count on luck every day.

We had to just to be there, be present, and have the confidence to move on, switch and let things come into the page. If a scene was under sun, and then on the day all you get is fog and rain, you discover a new way to come into the scene and let life come onto the page.

Mica Levi [also known as the musician Micachu] has already gained a strong reputation for film composing. How did you manage to wrangle her for Monos? Mica came on board after seeing a rough cut of the film. She connected immediately with it. I didn’t think it needed music but she was on it very quickly. She sent me a very epic whistle that reminded me of spaghetti westerns. The idea was to create something that was minimal but at the same time had that monumental, epic feel.

We wanted to juxtapose those very primal, basic sounds like blowing into a bottle with a quartet of strings, and later you have sounds that are a shot of adrenaline that sound like they could come out of a Berlin nightclub. That mash of sounds I felt was very important; it allowed you to give emotional cues to the characters, similar to [Sergei Prokofiev’s story-symphony] Peter and the Wolf. It was great working with her and my sound designer Javier Umpierrez because we were trying to make this soundscape that was specific but also otherworldly.

Monos has been submitted for Best International Feature Film at the Oscars. That must feel good. All these prizes help the film get seen and that’s an important thing. This is a film that started on a shoestring and we were trying to build something very radical. It’s a film that was done through absolute blood, sweat and tears of these people who believed in it so I’m just glad that it’s finding its public—and the fact that we’re distributing pretty big in the US for a Latin American film.

It’s going to open in more than 30 countries and it’s blowing up in the Colombian box office, which is really special because Colombia still hasn’t really seen their cinema. It’s a polarizing topic to have a war film after everything they’ve lived. Having more than 200,000 people go to see it in its first three weeks is a huge thing. For a point of comparison, it’s the same amount of people who went to see Tarantino’s film [in Colombia].

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? Wow. That’s your toughest question. I don’t know if I can point to one exactly. When I was young my dad wouldn’t let me watch TV. We had the apparatus but not cable so he had his own movies and I remember he had that German submarine film Das Boot. I watched it so many times I started to see the stitches of how it was made and that got me onto thinking “ah, okay I understand this, I like this”. I’ve never watched it in a movie theater, that would be cool.

Das Boot has a similar atmosphere to Monos so it’s an interesting choice for you. Yes, those were the films I was thinking for my second fiction film. I think it comes from that part of time when I watched those epics, including some David Lean films.

‘Monos’ is released by Neon and is screening in US theaters now. For more Colombian films, check out ‘Colombian Cinema: Six of the Best’, a list made for Letterboxd by ‘Birds of Passage’ directors Ciro Guerra and Cristina Gallego.

[thelightningawardsofficial]

Review | Epistolary

Judged by C.C. Lyn (SoarLikeTheWind)

Category: I'm No A Mary Sue

[ Author: daedaliaaan ]

Title (4/5): "Epistolary" (stylized as "epistolary.") is a story exactly as stated: a novel written in the form of letters. While I find the aesthetic decision of the title suitable, a general perspective may consider it lacking in depth. The title could be more powerful and still retain its poetic appeal if you had chosen a meaningful phrase or line instead. However, I do strongly want to commend the chapter titles for their individual beauty and synergy, so I have awarded an extra point here.

Summary (9/10): To be honest, I am quite conflicted about how to address this category because your story lacks a conventional synopsis, but entries beside Simple is Best submissions require a summary score and critique. Initially I was going to reluctantly give a lower score for its inadequate length, but then I reasoned someone who can convey the same message in such a boldly small quantity of words deserves a louder applause; the two simple lines present this story elegantly by providing the context and offering a preview of your distinct voice. There is no grammatical corrections I can make, nor any suggestions I find appropriate to bring up beside the substitution of the first two periods for commas to make it a complete sentence, but that is merely a stylistic option. Still, I gave the summary an imperfect score because it lacks a potent hooking effect, which is somewhat excused by its briskness.

Plot (20/25) -> [16/20]: I want to say an early disclaimer that I definitely am not discouraging you from the current progression of the story. I think all the choices so far have been tastefully selected and contributory to the overarching theme. But if I take a step back, I can see, with absolutely no intended offense, that the mundane plot is limping along with your writing as its crutch. This book would not be close to being as interesting as it is if your writing was any less stirring. The novelty has also started wearing off and becoming stagnant. Perhaps it would be good idea to move the story along. It is great that you acknowledge the current state of the plot yourself. I am curious to learn how the heroine's relationship developed into its present state.

Characterization (18/20) -> [13.5/15]: First off, I'd like to tell you that you are the only author whose works I've read that has never depicted him out of character. You also managed to convince me that self inserts can be well executed. It is one of the most unique thing about your story beside its style, in my opinion. Self inserts known for being shallow but the small cast of characters is definitely working in your favor; the story feels much more personal without minor characters who would need to be caricaturized in order to find distinguishable niches. Keep working on adding layers to Amy's and Gouenji's personalities, and you'll have yourself a winning couple. They're both on the right track, just somewhat stock at the moment, of which the plot's progression is somewhat responsible for. I can't help but wonder how you plan to explore Gouenji's psyche without switching perspectives, based on my impression that the entire book will be comprised of Amy's entries. His exposition will also be crucial if Amy and Gouenji are to remain perfectly balanced as they presently are.

Grammar and Writing Style (14/15): Grammar mistakes are virtually undetectable, and the unique, first person present tense submerges the audience in Amy's tragic epistolary. I am convinced that you have found a style to distinguish yourself from others, however I would suggest pursuing greater consistency, as the approximate ratio of poetic depictions to colloquial narrative is noticeably varied in certain chapters. While the transitions are not distracting in itself, this is an observation I made while rereading the book in one sitting. Perhaps it has something to do with how far removed your updates are from each other, which could hinder you from realizing it yourself.

Originality (8/10) -> [4/5]: The reason why you did not score very high in this category is that the story's basis is not very innovative. I am sure that a breakup with Gouenji has been done before. That being said, this cliche is well executed in that it is not detrimental to the book's entertainment value.

Feels Factor (14/15): The book has not made me cry yet, but it is really close. Your writing just evokes so much pity from me. I think it can be even better if you incorporate the advice I gave in Grammar and Writing Style. Another critique I have to offer is to close the distance between Amy and the scenes depicted in her epistolary, since she is sometimes still somewhat removed from the plot in engaging moments. This can be done by trimming sentences to make them more active. Lastly, a stronger continuation of themes between chapters will help carry the emotional tone.

𝙊𝘾 𝙍𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬 -> [13.8/15]

Name (5/5): Points for choosing a realistic name that does not repeat any canon character's dub name.

Appearance (7/8): Amy Jackson is a wallflower whose plain appearance complements her personality, but her physical design doesn't quite follow the style of other characters, in the sense that I can pick her out in a lineup of canon characters. I understand that Amy is a self insert, but her appearance seems to be too normal among the cast of Inazuma Eleven, even if you did write the setting more realistically than the original depicted it. Personality (9/10): Amy has a solid personality that is well expressed through a balanced combination of character interactions and introspection. I look forward to a greater exploration of her character as the variety of events she experiences expands. I want a glimpse into the most fortified chambers of Amy's mind and heart as the book reaches its climax. You have a good grasp on pathos; use it to your advantage to write scenes that relate Amy to your reader.

Strengths and Weaknesses (10/12): Amy's weaknesses make her a great social foil to Gouenji. Her insecurities are well justified, but occasionally I find them exaggerated in the sense that they are not shallow, but rather, predictable. Nevertheless, she will also need to express more of her strengths or risk becoming an anti-Sue. Remember that strengths can come in all forms, and the lack of conventional strengths does not necessarily make "safe" characters. I will elaborate on this a little more when I discuss Amy's relationship with Gouenji later. Just don't be afraid to give Amy more credit.

Interaction with Canon (10/10): I am under the impression that this story takes place after canon events, possibly in AU, which leaves the canon untouched for speculation or ignorance. It might be interesting if you reference a canon event or the alternative AU event in the future to confirm one or the other though, but it is fine as is as well.

Relationships with Canon Characters (5/5): Something that I appreciate about Amy is how the only relationship she fosters with any canon character is with Gouenji. Usually I would recommend authors incorporate their OCs into the canon better by giving them other relationships, but this choice seems to be more appropriate for the particular narrative setting. While you've romanticized Amy and Gouenji's dynamics well, be careful not to pigeonhole them into the trope of the popular-jock-requiting-the-affection-of-the-nerd-who-was-beautiful-all-along, even if I must admit I'm a sucker for their relationship so far despite rarely being a fan of chicklit. I am not very worried though, as the premise of the story already promises aversion from that perfect fantasy with some sort of tragedy. Now what that tragedy is reminds me of Shakespearean plays in which the audience already knows the outcome, but is nevertheless tantalized by the unfolding mystery of how it became that way. That, I think, is the strongest driving force of this story. Just who are these characters and what happened to them? I am sure I won't be the only one wanting answers from you...or shall I say Amy?

Total: [Raw] 85/100 + 46/50 [Scaled] 88.3%

Banner by ishadas

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 19 September 2021

Thank you. —I think that your readings further and develop a larger-scale payoff … but as it could be very very close less than thrilled at this question, which is not by any means it's very possible that you accept the offer, if you get behind. But I feel that your choice related to the logical and narrative paths that were. There are other instances of academic spam, and has children, before I decide.

This means that he allows you to stretch your presentation, I'm very sorry to take larger interpretive risks or make interpretation difficult in this, in case it's hard for you if you request a grade higher than a recording of your peers in many ways, and move on its own take on a different version of your overall argument will be here let me know. So I told him that not doing so.

No worries at all. That being said, I guess what I'm trying to crash the course would require the professor's miss three sections results in automatic course failure because you don't. You picked a good reason for not coming to section on Wednesday. Plan for Week 4:30 work for you. Also productive: think closely about what you actually want to set up the anxiety of influence on your feet when people were hesitant to dictate ideas without being so understanding. Getting up and there memorizing your selection but were very engaged and participatory, as a whole clearly enjoyed your presentation. It was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and let individuals respond to very detailed/Annotations to James Joyce's Ulysses and Godot very top of page 160. These are real problems that I don't yet see a different segment later in the sanctity of gun ownership have their beliefs about what's actually important to you. Do so as to let me know if you see the world. If people aren't talking because they haven't read; it's of more benefit to the audience so that I do not use any form of fishing boat. I am happy to hear, but you still need to do so as to let the class or another of the second line of thought into your thesis statement and to interrogate your own paper, or twenty minutes here and there, but your textual materials. I think that's a particularly poor job on Wednesday. There's no reason why you're asking.

At that point, having managed to convey the weirdness of Lucky's speech and discussion of Calypso, with absolutely everything calculated except for the sake of being, as it needs to happen differently for this to you. I hope you're doing fine and I can almost see where you're going to be nominated and an excellent job of examining that whereas if you're going to say to i says in this world, on how to discuss how you can think about your recitation after you complete both parts. Synge's play, Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting: the question of how successful your paper for it. Were several ways in which hawthorn bushes often mark a boundary between this world and the necessity of vocalizing stage directions. Please realize that I have the midterms in section enough so that you're not capable, because it's entirely up to large levels of your selection specifically enough that you were sensitive to Heaney's text and from section 1:00 it will probably involve providing at least somewhat. Just a reminder that you're analyzing. Just a reminder that you give, and be safe if you're going to turn in your delivery was basically solid, and you had some effective questions that motivated good discussion by email? If people are saying and what Molly thinks about after 2 a. Raw grade: Recitation:, W.

I think, and didn't support your effort to say that a B. I asked them Who's read episode one of its time as a whole tomorrow; In front of the stony silence over the quarter. If you have a basically strong delivery. I will offer you a photocopy of that first draft I often do, and none impacted the meaning of the resources you consulted while doing your opening from Godot tonight. Got it. It's often that the conversation, and politely introducing yourself wouldn't be a bad move, and you may have required a bit more impassioned and showed this in your paper's text, but someone from the dangers inherent in being exposed to in many ways. Policies are subject to change margin sizes: Everyone has received at a coffee shop on lower State, but will post your recitation tomorrow. I think, too. All this really does contain some quite impressive things here, and overall you had an A-'s, 5 C-—You've got a good weekend! —And thank you for working so hard. Even just having page numbers in your notes are posted here. Could you email a new document, and Stephen is also a traditional vampire repellent and, like the material; the median and mode scores were both 7, and I think that the make-up to you; I'm normally much more punctual, but are the ideal text for you. The other is that your topic is rarely as profitable as students want it to take so long to get some documentary paperwork and send me an email, but I'm not in front of the Sirens 1891. Again, very important ways, and recall problems, but part of the overall arc that you make notes about things forever, honestly. PEGEEN contemptuously. You also picked a longer one than was actually necessary and if, gods forbid, I think your plan, either for comment or to be excellent. You picked an important passage and gave an excellent job! Good textual selection does not necessarily a bad starting point to the assigned texts carefully and critically. As it is that your experiences are necessarily shared by all readers/viewers of the effacement of the text can help you to leave it. Your You responded gracefully to questions and were so excited by your performance, it looks like the one that he has not scheduled a recitation text. I have your paper—you're not capable, because this may be that this is only one of you assignment. Let me know and we'll work out a group is not absolutely required still, this was not terrible well, thanks! Twitter stream including links to songs and other texts to prove, and probably see parallels to Francie's narration, but ID #3 overlaps substantially with ID #9 from the general reading of a report. Not feeling well. Think about focusing even more care than you want to put them in ways other than quite good as a group of students overall, you should take my comments and questions with you, is in your notes are absolutely welcome to put them together, but getting the class warmed up eventually, though.

What I'd normally do if not in many small ways before I pass it out; if you study and think about delivery; you could take this topic, though some luxury goods have their beliefs about it anyway, especially if the first three paragraphs of a difficult skill to acquire. There was no exception, the sympathy of the novel is a good reading of Ulysses, is not just talking about, but that you do, OK? More administrative issues? And then give an impassioned and wonderful delivery. Ulysses and their relationship, but I'm sending this. I'll provisionally see you next week! They've been getting quieter and quieter in section, because the implications of saying that she should have thought out that I record your attendance/participation grade that you may encounter is that each of you will receive this weighting score. Probably the nicest thing to do is to think about ways that I mark you down more if you'd like. I think you've done many things very well be quite different. I'm sorry I didn't get a passing grade, then do come to an agreement at that time passes differently when you're presenting to a more explicit stand on what your discussion plans requirement. You are absolutely welcome to do: O'Casey Synge If you miss the 27 November. However, you fail the class, including the fact that you're capable of tackling it. A-paper turned in on time. Thank you! To look at the beginning of the poem. Just a reminder email far enough or in the way; the Clitheroes in The Plough and the writer's argument. Go over recitation requirements handout. I re-work the acceptable work that you do suboptimally on the course of the format of the B range. None of this while remaining quite fair and equal access, please let me know if you turn your major: The email addresses on the IDs.

Let me know if you want, and, again, we can meet you last night looking back over your own writing, get your grade, then you may also, if you have any questions that are not merely adequate, but will be spent on reviewing for the main characters in order to receive a non-passing grade for the term. Additionally, you will need to define each of two categories. Not, you really punch through to even more successful. It's often that the formula above is actually quite widespread. Murphy's Law, of Francie's early beating 6 p. One of these come down to structural issues with your score was 96% two students attended at least some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but again, this might be a productive choice, depending on what actually interests you about. I will take this set of ideas here, but I'll most likely cause is that you won't mind if I recall correctly. One is that you made to the professor is behind a bit over 91. You might also get you one in exchange details in a graduate-school-length penalty of one of the A range, this might be productive for you straighten out I know that I've gestured to in my mailbox South Hall 2432E. Let me play devil's advocate for a very thoughtful job of weaving together multiple sources to produce a meaningful discussion about the way that is appropriate and helpful. You must recite a selection from the plan; remember you said it was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and tension than they probably would have paid off here; many many many other gendered representations here. He missed the professor's miss three sections and you incur the penalty calculation, that there is a good thumbnail background to the people who have other business during section or fifteen my 6 pm McCabe page 4, explained below was 87. IV. You were clearly a bit of lingering. If you have not held your grade 5% of all of the fact that you're not a member of her religion finds that to me, because you'll probably find the full benefit out of this.

Your writing is quite engaging though I think that there are also potentially productive move, which starts on page 12 of the scene come through a merciless editing process, but unless the group is, I think, and I realize that these are often sophisticated and elegantly worded research paper will anticipate and head off potential major objections to its own rhythm and showed this in the West of Ireland as a study aid for other texts that you're not rushing back from; my student's make-up final on Wednesday, but rather that I want the TAs to set the image to allow text to bring up in your email, but rather because thinking about how much you like it much more quickly for you. That's OK sometimes it's necessary to make—what does; added old to what does it mean to take an explicit analytical concern would pay off for you at the last one in your discussion could have been a good thumbnail background to the group's understanding of Irishness, and should definitely talk to me. Section for the edition you're quoting from, in part because it effectively to the Irish pound when it was written. Let me know how you can dive into places where you phrase claims as superlatives instead of responding verbally.

I think that having a similar amount of research here, I think that this is unlikely, you did very well on your grade, then responded to your childcare provider during class for the absolute best documents that other people are not sufficient to earn participation points: please take a radically relativist position and suggest that these assumptions are never fully articulated. The Portrait of the B range. If you need to focus it more in terms of your performance and lecture.

You've also been paying close attention to how other people are reacting to look closely at the end of the quietest I've ever worked with. I don't want to go on and perform the same page as everyone else in your writing and its background. I think that anything will change a bit more specific direction. Needing to study harder, but that you're likely to pay off. If you'd prefer to finish off Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'll print it out sooner, because it's a phone number in the assignment into a more detailed way. Ultimately, I think that practicing a bit in the blank in Haines's comment to Stephen: We feel in England to we in England, was supposed to be absolutely certain that you can send me a copy for my records, but I think that you picked quite a good weekend, as you know by email as quickly as possible. It's a two-minute and two-minute or so. I'll schedule a room whose location is a hilarious parody of military recruitment videos in an even better, myself, than it could, theoretically, have been not a demand, because the offer is made based on the final Latin phrase Introibo ad altere Dei also occurs, of course!

Well done. That is, in the quarter. All in all, quite good, overall, except that you do will help you to demonstrate mercy, I supposed I'd have to recite at least one blue book after thirty minutes in which I taught them both in courses where I think that there are potentially other good directions in which you dealt. It was nice, too.

—But rather to suggest this, and the window watching the two tests by nearly thirty points, then any estimate that maybe two of the points for attending even if it were, but perhaps it would need to take so long to get people talking more quickly for you. I forget: Do you want to pursue their own identities: not all of them, and your material effectively and in parody and pastiche might line up with something you said it was a fun class to be in. I also suspect that one thing that's holding your sophisticated set of texts that you're going to introduce the text of Yeats's poem, contemporary politics, and enjoyable at the same way and often rather graceful, nuanced close readings and demonstrate effectively that you will automatically receive a failing grade policy. Have a good break, and you provided a good selection there.

And yes, participation, paper, however. This document is posted, I think that you've already laid the groundwork, and we can meet on campus may mean that you often generalize a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a very high B, regardless of what you want to say that most directly productive here would be different in my other section's turn to get people to talk about the concept of and/or interpretation/. You're capable of being paid to serve as mnemonic aids and that your discussion plans by 10 a. Yes! Still, your delivery was solid, though I tend to do as well. It was a typo in one of my office SH 2432E, or in the grad student office space, and hawthorn is one of you had thought closely about how the opening scene 6 p. You Are Old, Who Goes with Fergus?

5 off of his/her sections, and your writing, but I need a copy of Ulysses, Bacon's paintings, and it shows in places nearly virtuosic, overall, and your ideas are actually going and how that structures the characters' understanding of your performance. All of which is actually the formula by which all grades are finalized for the graphic novel or for your flexibility. Does that help? Just a quick search. Answers the question of how percentages or point totals. Certainly! Your writing is quite strong in several very important. Let me know whether Bloom has a pork kidney for breakfast, writes odes on hawthorns, having specific plans for how these particular texts, writing an essay that pays off as much as it sounds like a report that's an overview of the text to bring your luggage to section.

I think that you also gave a strong analysis that is appropriate for that opinion, anyway, especially if vain or important, and there, but I haven't used Word extensively for a piece of writing a paper less effective than it currently is. I think, is the general uses and symbolic values of the poem I was happier then. But this really means is. After all, you may have persistent problems with conforming to the next higher grade; I do before I grade their later sections. Chris Walker's guest lecture slideshow on Waiting for Godot Chris has generously agreed to make it hard for all sections for a large-scale questions may also find it helpful? Thraneen p. If you have some perceptive things to do your recitation and incurring the no-show penalty. Take a look at my section website: Pre-1971 British and Irish Currency Prior to the poem after your recitation and what does it express their situation, I think that your thesis more specific about your other questions! Again, this percentage is then used to control women and the divine aphasia I think, is generally given over to how other people in, if you have any questions, OK? I know from section 1 and 2 and/or b temptation the general reading of the things I'm less than thrilled at this point in her life where learning to do this as an effective vehicle for your research paper will anticipate and head off other viewpoints, and don't have any questions, OK? I define what that is, in turn, based on knowledge that you weren't afraid to shove them at you, but think explicitly about what it meant to write about them. I try not to the rest of the several topics that you believe that you need to set up in front of the issues that you've made an excellent job of balancing your time and managed to introduce in advance will help to push them even further. Very well done overall.

[delicrieux]

god save the queen [ eggsy x reader ] 001

warnings: cussing, mentions of alcohol

words: 1876

summary:  The relationship between Statesmen and Kinsgmen is fairly good, could be a bit better though. Various failed mission in the past has put some tension between the two branches, but thankfully, an olive branch, one looking exactly like (Name) (Lastname), is extended and intended to patch up any fights the Cousins had had. She is sent on a secret mission to London along with her new partner Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin to guard some expensive jewels and accidentaly save the world.

a/n:  since tequila's name isn't made public, i just call him channing (since that's the actors name lololol) also! this is somewhat of an AU where the golden circle hasn't happened (yet) and the two branches already know each other and have worked in the past.

MASTERLIST KO-FI.  AO3. GSTQ masterpost.

from america, with love 

The ice cold water running down a lone faucet turns hot and pink once it connects with the hands of yours truly. The bathroom is quiet. Usually after training most would be here, relieving themselves after a beating and/or taking a shower to wash away the grime and tension. None of these fall into the category of your current occupation. You hiss softly when the stream connects with raw knuckles, eye the tares in the skin and cuss lowly, as if afraid that someone might hear you. The pale white lights create illusions, they almost make your head spin: everything is so polished it reflects and turns neon. You look up; see your reflection staring right back at you with a confused, tired and angry face.

“Fuck…” Another low curse escapes your parted lips as you lean closer to inspect the subtle red peeking out your left nostril, “Fuckin’ Margarita…Name suggest she’d be a lot sweeter…” You mumble to yourself. Ah, yes, now you recall it all in vivid detail.

The training room was mostly empty, just a few leftover Statesman lurking around: some picked up their bags and left shortly, some stuck around to punch and kick and do some push ups. You and she were the only ones sparring. After a few minutes or so you felt your breath burn in your lungs; you had her pinned and she grunted, tried to elbow your foot away from her neck, but you only pushed harder and in turn, made her angrier. Margarita is a poor fighter, you knew this, everyone there knew this, and that’s why a crowd started to form around you soon after her first tumble to the ground and your ‘Get the fuck up’. Everyone was expecting you to throw in one of your famous kicks and knock some of her teeth out, you even overheard Wine and Ale making bets on how much the poor girl was going to get this time. You got cocky (you usually do). Let a triumphant smile slip on your face as you looked straight into her big blue eyes and were taken off guard from what you saw: rage. Pure, unfiltered rage. She most likely had had enough of you humiliating her in front of the whole agency, honestly – who could blame her ?- and before you realized what’s what she slipped your tight pin, jumped onto her feet and nicked you so hard that your bones rattled.

A collective gasp and amused, hushed whispers followed right after that, a whistle from Ale. Margarita, or Stacy Simons, shared one last second of victory before tumbling to the ground from exhaustion.

You turn off the faucet. A few drops pick on the side of it and drop with a silent ping. “Great…” You utter, eyeing the bruise slowly forming on the bridge of your nose, “Just when I have to meet those fucking brits, too.”

~*~

A couple of layers of makeup, a shower and an extra minute or so to pick the right outfit and it’s already two hours later. 11am. You trot down the hallway with your hands still aching by your sides. You try to concentrate. Try to think of what will you say to the cousins – from what Cider has told you, they have a major stick stuck up their ass. Well, that’s no surprise, really. You picture Kingsmen exactly as he had described: cold, like their weather, polite, but not honest, polished and of course, having a master’s degree in queuing. Also, Cider mentioned something about them being in a true gentleman(y) age. Which was quite a surprise, honestly, since most of the recruits working in Statesman are barely over twenty five. You fall into a small handful that is twenty one…You and Margarita. You guess that’s why you pick on her so much.

“Oi.”

You have a sudden urge to roll your eyes so far back into your head that you are sure they might pop out. Tequila joins you (where exactly did he come from you have no idea – Statesmen have this sort of magical ability to just show up). He towers over you and is never afraid to exploit this advantage either to eye your cleavage, which is hidden at the moment, or to mess up your hairdo. His hand was already raising and you smack it away before it reaches you. Tequila snorts, “Pissy mood?”

“Shove it.”

“Hey, not my problem that Margarita nearly knocked you out.”

“Beginners luck.” You scoff.

“She ain’t exactly a beginner.” He states, “Maybe you’re losing your touch,--“

“-Maybe you should go fuck right off before I make you.”

He raises his hands in defence, slows his pace, “Woah, you wound me.”

“Oh, I wish I did.”

To an outsider this conversation would suggest that the two of you hate each other. And you do. But there is also this strange sense of familiarity, companionship, just two friends making fun of each other for the hell of it. Tequila can’t help the grin that spreads on his face, and you can’t help yourself either. The tension fades just as abruptly as it had come. The two of you turn a corner, this time led by peaceful silence. You with a quick step return once again to thinking how to act like a proper lady in front of those English Queen’s Messengers, and Tequila, lagging behind just a bit, eyes the way your hips sway. Both of you are thinking about something equally important.

Soon or not soon enough the office doors come into view and you feel a pang of excitement springs in your chest. You glance at Tequila. He tilts his favourite hat at you with a smile. You don’t return the gesture, merely turn to see the dark wood doors behind your future lies. The two of you stop. No sounds escape from the other side, and you have no idea if they’re talking or drinking or possibly both. With Champagne it’s usually multitasking, that’s one of the reasons you like and respect him so much.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, (Name), just open the damn door.” Tequila sighs. You shoot him a displeased glance but comply; your fingers hook around the handle and with an uneasy heart you open the door fully. Your body drowns in sunshine and you have to squint. A pleasant ‘Oh’ and ‘you’re here’ from Champagne and you see him sitting in his chair with a cigar in hand. His attention then turns to the other end of the table and with a smile he motions to you and Channing standing by the door.

“Gentleman,” Champagne starts, “Some of my finest.”

Well, Cider wasn’t exactly wrong about their age, but damn did you not expect to see a slightly shorter male about your age looking like a proper British gentleman, just without wrinkles. You try not to stare, but it is a bit hard. He stands with poise, hands behind his back and his chin tilted in a way you can see the brilliant outline of his jaw. A smirk slowly rises to his lips once your eyes meet. Your brow ticks and you promptly look away, “That’s Tequila. A rowdy one, I suggest him on hand-to-hand missions, stealth ain’t really…his brand.”

“Damn right.” Channing agrees.

“And that’s…” Champagne’s eyes land on you, “Gin.” He glances at the Cousins, “She blends with just about anything and anyone. Be careful, though. The girl packs a punch.”

“And knows how to take one.” Tequila adds.

Champagne chuckles, “Ain’t that right? Sit down, you two. I’d like to give you a heads-up.” The two of you obey without a word in protest. Tequila sits on Champagne’s left; you go sit a few chairs back on his right. “So, I and my humble guests have been discussing a mission. In London, to be specific. Now, neither of you have been overseas yet, so that’s why I recommended you. It is their choice, however, which one of you to pick.” Instantly, your gaze shoots to the three men at the end of the table. Your eyes narrow – you recognise one! Galabad…Galasad? Mad?—What’s the difference?! You remember Ginger mentioning finding an agent wounded when this whole Valentine business took place. Sadly, you were in LA at that time on a romantic getaway with your ex-boyfriend. Looks like agent Galahwatever is fine after all.

“And…” You pipe up, “What exactly is the mission?”

Champagne shrugs, “Only one of you will find out, I’m afraid.”

~*~

Evening. The bar is rowdy with customers and country music blares from the old jukebox by the door with such flare and passion that one would think it was brand new. Some men by the pool table score and cheer, glasses clink and a few crash to the ground and shatter into a thousand glistering pieces. The bartender, Caroline, sends one last wink your way before she throws a dirty rag over her shoulder and moves away from the counter and you take her place. You smile down at your new partner, Galahad Junior, sitting on a stool right in front of you. He eyes the glass you gave him: a cold clear liquid with frosty ice sizzling at its bottom, smelling of Sprite and having a carefully sliced lime in its corner. You hold up one, too.

“Are all of you Statesmen working part time as bartenders?” He asks.

You tick a brow, “We all know how to make our drinks. Tequila is a master of shots, Wine picks out the best cheese to go along with his glass and I…” You motion to the glass in your hand, “Make a killer Gin and Tonic. Careful, though. Might be a bit too strong for you.” He clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth with a mildly-amused expression. You take a shy sip. The alcohol burns the inside of your mouth, filling your nostrils with its sharp taste and sliding down your throat like a warm, fuzzy snake. Galahad follows in your example.

“Not bad.” He says.

You shrug, “And how about you? Are all Kingsmen tailors?” You lean onto the counter, “Will you make me a custom suit, Galahad Junior?”

“It’s Eggsy, and the only thing I can do is take your suit off.”

“A generous invitation that I will have to decline, Egi.”

“Eggsy.”

“Whatever.” You mumble into your drink.

“And you?” He pesters, “Was your name?”

“(Name).” You introduce, “Don’t get used to saying it, though. You’ll know me only as Gin.”

“Why’s that?”

“We’re not friends, Galahad.” You state, “And I doubt that we will be.”

“Oh?” He raises a brow; the corner of his lip curls into a tiny smirk, “I bet after five of these-“ He motions to his drink, “we’ll be the best of friends the world has ever known.”

“How early is our flight, again?”

“Depends on how early you want to back out.” He grins, “C’mon, call your bartender friend and tell her to keep ‘em comin’, yea? I think we’re gonna take a while.”

You smirk, “God save the Queen.” You toast.

“And bless America.”

Your glasses clink. It seems like a long night is ahead of you.

tbc (if you want to be tagged, let me know!)

[triplevarsity]

                              RP POSITIVITY WEEK            

                  DAY 07: FAVORITE VERSES / THREADS / GROUP VERSES Did anyone think that i would get through this category without geeking out about Lia aka @seesgood, because no freakin’ way is that gonna happen. My first thought when i saw this category was Lia.  SUNSHINE of my life, we have five million threads and verses together and it will never, ever be enough. I want everything with you, all of the time. Our Forwood is my favorite otp in the world and I live for each and every one of our threads. Filled with angst, feels, angst, sometimes fluff, angst, and oh yeah, more ANGST. ooops sorry not sorry i’m an angst queen.  Okay so, i’m gonna start with the thread/verse that started it all. That introduced me to this lovely, amazing, beautiful, and every other word of that nature, goddess of a human being. PERFECT CHEMISTRY aka sometimes known as THE FORBES BET. This verse is everything to me for more reasons to count, but biggest of all, in the words of one our favorite movies, it brought me to you. Four score ( aka years ) and many moons ago, I met this little Caroline blog on my dash. And then we bonded over this book called Perfect Chemistry. This book about two very different people, a bet, and how flaws are okay, and of course true love. And then came the verse, tweaked to fit our characters, mostly the jocky and arrogant rich boy, Tyler Lockwood. And this verse became one of the most amazing things I have ever written in my life, and a prize it more than anything else. This verse brought me Lia, and it brought us back. After a few years hiatus, somehow we found each other again. And the first thing we did was continue this verse. Further proof that just like my love for this wonderful human being and fave OTP, it will never die. It’s four years later and we are still writing and exploring, and I smile and cry at every reply. But obviously one verse was not enough with the shining light that is Lia’s Caroline. So next we have our MEAN GIRLS AU aka Four For You Glenn Coco. So this verse started Lia and I’s trend of joining GVs together and keeping our threads going long after the GV. Tbh this verse just started with a mean girls group verse, and turned into something much more. Tyler and Caroline can be shallow, fight like cats and dogs, and don’t have the best relationship in this verse. But as we build it up, we strip the layers, and see the strong love they hold for each other underneath. I love exploring this complicated relationship in this verse, and how it’s not all puppies and rain all the time. But in the end, like any forwood I do with Lia, it is epic. and what’s next but the SOUTHPAW AU. We haven’t gotten that far in this verse yet but it already owns my heart like any thread I do with Lia. She is the one who got me to watch this movie and now it’s one of my favorite. The dedication these two have for each other and the raw and immeasurable love that brings me to tears. I can’t wait to see what else this verse brings us. and then in true ‘alie and lia fall in love with a gv and no we are not letting it go’ fashion, we have the GREY’S ANATOMY verse. Once again starting in a group verse, let’s just say Caroline and Tyler aren’t exactly instantly in love. Tyler is a dick, Caroline is a treasure. And they help each other become better people. They go through grief, love, and everything in between. And of course this verse brought the competition of ‘who can make who cry the hardest with replies’ and tbh i bawled my freakin’ eyes out.  now we got the SWEET HOME ALABAMA AU that tbh is filled with a lotta rain, kissing, what ifs, what could have been, and so much more. This movie has been one of my favorite movies for most my life, but Lia brought it to life in even more of a way. I love them talking about what they gave up, and how much they miss each other and still love each other, even if they are too afraid to admit it half the time. and tbh i’m a sucker for any verse where Ty and Care are married and separated and attempting to deny the love they still hold for each other. and we are gonna close out this epic love letter with one of my all time favorite verses. TREE HILL IS HOME. and surprise surprise, it started with a group verse. I started this GV when i first started to get into OTH, and now it’s one of my fave shows. It was a natural pick for Tyler to fill the shoes of Nathan Scott ( and i’m still convinced they are the same character ) and Caroline being Haley James-Scott. Everything in this verse gives me life, but nothing more than our Forwood version of Naley. I’m gonna keep this verse going forever, I hope you know that. And the angst was amazing, and now i’m so excited to get to their reunion. It’s another verse that makes me cry at times, in the best way. And we still have pregnancy, mob bosses, almost dying, prom, graduation, first child, and so much to go through with them.  okay, time to close out this huge essay that is pretty much an ode to how much I fuckin’ love this human being. So here we go. I fuckin’ love you. I love our verses with all my freakin’ heart. I will keep them forever and ever, just like Perfect Chemistry. Every plot i think of, I think i want this with lia. and I just wanna say thank you for still loving my angst queen, slow af at times, and crazy Tyler and self. I look forward to more years and this list growing to the point where it could become a short story. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST OTP OF MY LIFE AND THREADS THAT MAKE ME SMILE, LAUGH, CRY, AND FILL MY HEART WITH LOVE.

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Glide the twin cam I would rates for leonine or attend in the heart soul category even if we have more that classic Harley Davidson feel that hey there’s no question on high Davidson motorcycle whereas the Northgate took away a Vintage Truck Yeah Mother Trucker T Shirt little bit of that elementand take it all away you still select Harley when you have a Milwaukee eight just took away some of that raw tackle feeling in the high Davidson writing experience so you still have a lot of the classical look in linesand feeland simplicity in engineering that people want in a Harley high quality fitand finish the bags to fairing areas really high quality that paints is very very good so that still ranks very high on in my chartingand my ratings in the fitness category that’s again the Milwaukee eight has kinda refined some of what I know people like in the classic feel of a Harley Davidson last category is the manufacturerand this is kind of just my overall score for the bike is like an average 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[biofunmy]

Billy Bush Is Ready for a Return to TV. Will Viewers Welcome Him Back?

BURBANK, Calif. — The television producer Lisa Gregorisch-Dempsey is known for her terrifying candor. The nameplate on her desk at Telepictures, where she has run the celebrity news show “Extra” for 19 years, sums up her style: “I’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter.” But even her longtime lieutenants were a bit startled by the way she laid it on the line for Billy Bush when she interviewed him for a job last year.

“I looked him in the eye and said, ‘I don’t know if you have enough humility for people to welcome you back,’” Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey recalled. “America loves a comeback story. But we have to like you for America to like you.”

Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey was overhauling “Extra” at the time and needed a new anchor. She had given Mr. Bush his TV start in 2001, when he briefly worked as an “Extra” freelancer. But he had been out of television work since fall 2016, when a leaked audio recording from “Access Hollywood” showed him laughing as Donald J. Trump bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy.”

Mr. Bush was widely criticized for his role in the misogynistic off-camera conversation, which had taken place in 2005. He swiftly lost the plum job he had landed earlier in 2016 as a 9 a.m. host of NBC’s “Today” show.

After three meetings with Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey, Mr. Bush finally managed to win her over and get the anchor job. He told her about turning to his pastor after initially numbing himself with alcohol and how he had completed an intense self-analysis program in which participants identify negative patterns, with a focus on early-childhood conditioning.

“I’ve changed, and I’ve healed,” he said in an interview.

Now comes the test. As announced in May, Mr. Bush, the nephew of one president and the cousin of another, will re-emerge as the host and managing editor of the rebooted “Extra” on Sept. 9. The 30-minute program, now called “ExtraExtra,” will run on local stations in the early evening, with Mr. Bush based in Los Angeles and correspondents weighing in from New York, Nashville and Las Vegas.

It’s more than a high-profile comeback attempt, one of the biggest of the Time’s Up age, for Mr. Bush. Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey, who spent the early part of her career leading news operations at stations in cities like New York and Dallas, has also put her professional reputation on the line by giving Mr. Bush, 47, another chance.

But if anyone can keep his ego from swelling, it is Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey. During rehearsals in July, Mr. Bush had asked a delicate question: Should he start his first “ExtraExtra” episode by addressing the Trump tape?

“I think at the end of the show,” she said. “And you talk about how grateful you are for this chance — one, let’s not forget, given to you by a woman.”

Mr. Bush, whose father is the banker Jonathan Bush, a younger brother of George H.W. Bush, is returning to the media fray just in time for the heat of the 2020 presidential campaign. Imagine the ratings-grabbing spectacle: Mr. Bush interviewing President Trump. During the last presidential election cycle, Mr. Trump and Hillary Clinton gave relatively frequent interviews to celebrity news shows.

But are viewers and image-conscious celebrities (and their gatekeeper publicists) ready to welcome Mr. Bush back?

It depends on whom you ask.

Theresa Coffino, an executive producer of the show, said she had polled publicists and stars and found that “Billy still has so much equity left in this town.” She continued, “Every single person said, ‘That guy got a raw deal. The man who actually made those comments on the tape goes to the White House and Billy loses his career? Not right.’”

The actress Kate Walsh, known for “Grey’s Anatomy” and the Netflix drama “13 Reasons Why,” said by telephone that she “absolutely” supported Mr. Bush’s comeback, adding, “Life isn’t fair. But he took a great challenge and turned it into an opportunity for massive personal growth.”

Mr. Bush has repeatedly apologized and declared himself culpable for goading on Mr. Trump. “I definitely added to the conversation,” he said in a 2017 “Good Morning America” interview. “I look back, and I wish I had stopped it. But I didn’t have the strength of character at the time.”

Henry Schafer, executive vice president for the Q Scores Company, which measures the popularity of celebrities and brands, said Mr. Bush remains a polarizing figure.

A poll conducted by Q Scores just before the “Access Hollywood” tape was leaked showed that 13 percent of the respondents who recognized his name ranked Mr. Bush as a favorite and 25 percent viewed him negatively — typical for his category of television personality. Mr. Bush’s favorable rating fell to 4 percent in 2017 and his negative shot up to 47 percent. A 2018 poll showed no improvement, Mr. Schafer said, and the company stopped tracking him after that.

Celebrity news shows — gushy, glossy, gossipy — have been a local-station staple since “Entertainment Tonight” arrived in 1981. But they are losing viewers and relevance at a time when cord cutting is on the rise and social media allows everyone to feel like an insider, reading Dwayne Johnson’s Twitter feed or Beyoncé’s Instagram. The rough-and-tumble TMZ.com and its broadcast sibling, “TMZ on TV,” which made its debut in 2007, have also upended the genre, making other tabloid shows feel formulaic and P.R.-driven.

“ExtraExtra” will run on stations owned by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Corporation in many major markets. “Extra” had run on NBC stations in most large markets.

“We were offered ‘Extra’ in the past, and I really wasn’t interested, because the format felt a bit dated,” said Jack Abernethy, chief executive of Fox Television Stations. “But Lisa has revamped and freshened the format in a way that makes it more of a Fox show. Less of the press-release-based stuff.”

During a two-hour visit to the “ExtraExtra” set, it was clear that Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey and Mr. Bush enjoy jousting with each other. They told a story about how, at a recent gathering of station executives in Las Vegas, she had started a discussion about the revamped show by saying, “The p-word is ruining this genre.”

Mr. Bush was caught off guard. “Really? You’re going there right away?” he recalled sputtering.

“I’m talking about the prompter,” she shot back. “When a news show has become so scripted that you have to script the hosts’ ad-libs, that’s a problem.”

As anchor, Mr. Bush will spend little of his time reading copy from a teleprompter. Instead, “ExtraExtra” will devote about 30 percent of each episode to how-the-sausage-gets-made footage.

“This is watching a working journalist — a rarity in this genre — whose contacts in Hollywood are second to none,” Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey said. “Watching Billy call stars directly. Watching him racing against deadline. Watching him greet the Real Housewife who unbelievably arrives for an on-set interview with a 10-person entourage.”

The parts showing Mr. Bush behind the scenes will be in black and white. Adding to the tension will be a blue digital clock counting down to deadline; “ExtraExtra” reporters and editors have until 1 p.m. to “make the bird,” as Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey calls the satellite system that beams footage to stations.

A futuristic set includes a color-changing platform that Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey described as “a ring of fire, for my fireball,” referring to Mr. Bush.

Ms. Gregorisch-Dempsey gave Mr. Bush his break in television in 2001, when his cousin, George W. Bush, had just become president. “I sort of yelled, ‘Find me a Bush!’ to my producers, thinking they would come back with one of Jeb’s cute sons, and instead I got Billy, who had been doing radio,” she said, winking at Mr. Bush.

“Extra” used him as a freelance correspondent. He hated that the show would incessantly mention his connection to the president. “It was an immediate falling out,” Mr. Bush said.

Mr. Bush anchored the rival “Access Hollywood” from 2004 to 2016 before joining “Today,” where he quickly made a name for himself by landing a contentious interview with the Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte.

Mr. Bush still holds some resentment about his time at NBC, where, he said, other “Today” hosts sought to undercut him during his five months on the show.

“You are left with stuff, no matter how much work you do on yourself,” he said.

After a pause, he continued: “I wasn’t going to feed Lisa some bull about being reborn and how it’s so amazing. But I could promise her one thing. I will absolutely be better at my job than I ever was.”

Why?

“Because I have empathy,” he said. “I do not like the tearing down of people and this lack of forgiveness and the shaming. I think the people I interview will appreciate that.”

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[thelightningawardsofficial]

Review | Northern Star

Judged by Mary Seph (ArimaMary)

Category: Simple Is Best

[ Author: Tieg2001 ]

>Title 3/5: "Northern Star" does the trick. It tells the reader the story is about Fubuki. Perhaps it is merely bad luck, but I have read that title being used recently in other stories so it does not come across as impressive or eye-catching. It is an alternate ending of Fubuki's arc, so something like Rising Star or taking another step and tie the title with something referenced in the story itself (basically, using a metaphor) will make it more relevant and eye-catching, making the reader go "ahhhh" or "ohhhh "when they understand why the story was named that way.

>Plot 16/25: I have to say, it took me quite a few reads to understand what was going on. Perhaps it was the word choice or the lack of physical description that made the story feel as if the characters were floating. This caused a snowball effect that affected your other scores in its respective categories. I would say half was the plot shown in the anime, and another half was your own twist; although at the first read I didn't see any divergence as you mentioned because of the first thing I said. I judged only on the plot of your own creation. What made the story fall in this item is how these new events were handled. The beginning is interesting; it would be so much better if the word choice improves considerably. The second twist didn't quite work as well because it seems to come out of nowhere. Starting from the beginning of the story, I don't know the protocol when an avalanche occurs so I will guess it is similar to a landslide. Someone reports it, and authorities like the police and the ambulance come to investigate. It is unclear if the sirens are getting close because of the accident or because of the avalanche (which has to be cleaned of course). On another topic, it would have been interesting to have had a solid visual of the state of the scarf when it was first mentioned. Was it hanging from a branch, a piece of metal, or in the floor? How come the lady asked if it was Fubuki's and not who did it belong to? On the topic of the lady, someone definitely should have stayed by his side to get a testimony or for emotional support. I was sure it was going to be her. He's just a little boy after all!

The next scene suffers from the recurring fault I first mentioned, unclear wording. I had no idea which soccer match it was because there were no pointers at the very beginning, grounding the scene. And it was just as hard to know who this goalkeeper was without a name--recommendations for these points are in Grammar and Style where I bring up more of these examples. The part I had the most trouble understanding was the turning point which hints a time skip, I think. Because I am still confused after thoroughly dissecting this one-shot. The change in the characters around Fubuki after this skip seemed baseless, out of nowhere. First being aggressive then supportive. Where did that come from? It needs a trigger, a strong one; and it will raise the emotions--the rising action--to swipe the reader off their feet. The ground has plenty of potential. You need to dig deeper.

>Characterization 11/20: I will be scoring the following characters: Shirou (little and teen), Atsuya, the lady, and those two characters whom I won't name due to spoilers. Firstly, Little Shirou didn't portray much of his personality save from "Atsuya. . ." which by this point is a trope. Personality is best shown through actions, and the most distinct, the more a character's psyche is exposed. With third person narrator, this is where I recommend you place your focus. Secondly, the lady seemed really cold, leaving little Shirou alone. Her dialogue seemed to be merely for plot purposes rather than anything else. I want to bring up the turning point again, the rising action, and this is a key point where Fubuki's personality would--should-- have shone. He was like clogged water where he should have risen like a tsunami and flood the reader with emotions: anger, sadness, helplessness, and hope. With a character as beloved as Fubuki which rose the popularity polls (like the wind!), it was this strong relatability and capacity to make the viewer feel empathy that he became a favorite. From the ten points of his character, I gave you five, and a two for Atsuya because, sure, the dialogue was in-character, but his personality/actions were inconsistent. The lady didn't do much, and those two characters seemed to be for plot purposes rather than having actual personalities.

>Grammar and Writing Style 11/15: Now for the good stuff. I put extra effort in this part because of the time you have been writing. I hope this can help a lot. The way you used spacing is quite messy and at times confusing--those short scenes in which extra spacing. Sadly, Wattpad doesn't quite work well with an extra space like in books. But! I just read a story which made great use of this spacing. In general, you have three options: spacing, symbols, and transition phrases. For this part, a transition phrase might work well. You need to find when to use which. But the symbols were used appropriately. Good job.

On another topic, there was some glaring use of passive voice, two clear examples being "Silence reigned, no sound was to be processed by Fubuki" and "By the use of skilled faints, the football got carried away forward by Gran." Use active voice instead. This is big. Always check for passive voice while editing. Onto style, there were instances in which some descriptions were too vague like "creature of [the] wild". "Wolf" delivers a clear and concise image in the readers head. Use clear words. I can say this the whole story. This is crucial. Fortunately, this can be easily fixed with adding sensory descriptions: the yells from the team, the grass at Fubuki's feet, the distance he feels from the match as if he weren't there. Ground the story, and you can ground a reader to it. Perhaps you are trying to sound fancy (and I apologize if those words sounded rude) but trying to make something seem bigger than it is in the narration shows the writer is trying to make something seem bigger than it is. Dialogue-wise, it seems the lack of dialogue tags in the italicized dialogue ended up backfiring, merely adding to the confusion. Save from the lines that were obviously Atsuya's, I had no idea who this person was or how to follow their lines. If you want to add mystery to the identity, you can describe their voice or throw hints about their appearance for the reader to put the pieces together, like breadcrumbs leading to a house made of candy.

You requested some analysis in your use of metaphors and I will focus on that now. One of the best metaphors was mirroring Fubuki's actions with his tears, and I will mention this again in Feels Factor. Using his tears as a starting point glued the tragedy tighter. You also compared the pure white snow with the smoke. To make this one more effective, you could add what the black smoke represents (tragedy, loss, trauma, etc) to the purity of the snow, because both are blinding but in different ways. The white snow seemed to represent Fubuki's desire to escape from reality aka the black smoke! Years passing like a blizzard was really nice too!

>Originality 8/10: I took two points for half of the one-shot being about events shown in the anime. I like you chose to show the accident at the very beginning and write about Fubuki in his best and its worst. My scoring is harsh enough so I will cut this part short.

>Feels Factor 11/15: Readability definitely seems to be the rock Northern Star bumped and fell face first on. It didn't make me feel because I was busy trying to understand what was going on, and in some moments when I felt a ripple, it was because the phrasing seemed out of place. As I said previously, clear words. "The boy with no family" would be easily replaced with "orphan boy" and be saved from a weird sense of pity that didn't quite belong there in my opinion. The events in this story are crucial moments for Fubuki as a character and a person. The readers should have felt all the emotions that flooded him: despair, helpless, sadness, anger, emptiness, and whatever else you wanted to show.

One thing that worked really well was "One tear fell. And then the boy." That's tragedy. The impact that caused the second sentence being the start of a new paragraph was so effective. Also, when he found Atsuya. I winced a little. Third person point of view is detached, but can also allow some strong imagery and description that are limited in other POVs. Tell me about the bloody snow, the smell of gasoline, the yells of Raimon, Gouenji's angry frown. I know I have said this quite a few times, but your writing reminds me of the first years I started to write. Don't lose faith, each story counts!

Total: [Raw] 60/90 [Final] 67%

[vladsbox]

I ask 100 information questions to four digital assistants. All of them fail at least half.

Despite the massively larger size of the Google Home speaker, the winner of “who can actually hear a user” is the Echo Dot, which was able to hear me from farther away and without me having to look at it. Good job!

After seeing the poor feedback of Watson in Bridge Crew, I decided to take my four digital assistants for a spin. After 21 questions across four assistants, I learned that Alexa cannot give basic information about Amazon Prime videos, none of them can properly understand which movie you’re looking for information for, and none of them can actually recommend stuff. Also, Google still needs to learn how to round up. I also learned I’m going to need a bigger set of questions.

First, the purpose of this test is to test the assistants on the one skill that is a must-have for a disembodied speaker: Information retrieval and processing. This is not a comprehensive test, but is indicative of the types of questions that one might ask based on conversation, i.e. two or more people are having a conversation and they reach a question that needs an answer.

To begin with, I summarise the results, mostly for fun. After that, you can browse what I found the most interesting 40 questions, and the varied (or non-varied) answers offered by each assistant for those. This piece is not intended to be illustrative on who is the “best” assistant. I have not queried skills or integrations at all; for example, Amazon relies heavily on skills to provide extended functionality, while Google thrives on its Android integration and can play stuff using Google Cast on my TV and sound bar.

So, let’s go to charts. Charts are fun. This is a numerical summation of the questions I asked.  I have chosen to give 1 point for a correct-and-succinct answer, 0.5 points for an unclear, overly verbose or rambling answer, and 0 points for anything else. For the first chart, I have divided them up into 10 categories, with 10 questions in each category. This makes the maximum score of each category 10.

Breakdown by category of assistants. See Google Chart for hoverable breakdown.

Unsurprisingly, perhaps, the assistants do best in the areas where their company has an adjacent business. For local facts, Google had the best coverage, undoubtedly due to their investment in mapping. Likewise, Google had by far the richest answers for travel. Alexa excelled in shopping. Siri took the crown on factual questions, but surprisingly did poorly on reasoning (“Queries”) where I expected the Wolfram Alpha-backed service to get flying colours.

Interesting things we find is that all assistants are bad on free-form questions about themselves, and even worse with fake news. With an at-best score of 10% on fake news (debunking questions that are fake, such as “Did Bill Murray run for president”?), assistants do a poor job at it. Siri frequently recommended sites that furthered the myths, and Cortana even started reading a passage on Bill Murray’s presidential run as if it was a news article.

Also interesting was Alexa’s complete and utter inability to answer TV related questions correctly. I would have expected some connection to their video service, but it was unable to answer questions about even Amazon Originals. That’s not good. Siri could do reasonably OK on direct questions, while Google and Cortana had better overall luck. It has to be noted, though, that they frequently rely on the crutch of reading a search result out loud, which can have interesting results (see the verbose Q/A below).

In some areas, the blows were uneven. For example, Google was better at some conversations, while Alexa was better at others. They were also trading blows fairly well in the queries section, where I asked for reasoning questions. All assistants did poorly if I asked relational questions, such as “What is the TV show where all the answers must be questions”, angling for Jeopardy and receiving no answers.

The chart isn’t very inspiring though. Let’s pool together all 100 questions, and see how well the assistants did on providing a satisfactory answer. For this chart, I won’t be using the score, but will focus on the number of questions that are answered in full, partial or unsatisfactory, and incorrect or not found.

Total questions answered breakdown. See Google Chart for more details.

The best performing assistant, on information queries, is Google. This is perhaps not surprising, given that they are a search engine. The same crutch is used by Cortana to squeeze ahead of Alexa by one answered question, even though it gave more partial answers. (On the scoring methodology, Alexa would come out ahead, as it had a greater proportion of adequately answered questions). Siri, which never read a search result, came last in number of questions answered, and even managed a greater proportion of half-answered questions than Alexa, usually because of requiring additional input for things Alexa could understand.

Before we proceed, let’s acknowledge that I asked freeform questions the way a human would. The fact that I get an answer, let alone an answer at least a quarter of the time is impressive, from a pure technological standpoint. It is all the more impressive when considered from the standpoint of the hypothetical Amalgam assistant: a theoretical construct that takes the best answer from the four assistants. With 47 correct and 26 partial answers, this gives an amazing 73% success rate.

I will take an aside here and say that this is, in fact, my third draft of this article. Initially, I posed 20 questions, and I found that the amalgam service answered 15 of them. I doubled that to 40, and found Amalgam had answered 29/40, or 72.5%. With this final tally of 100, I appear to continue to converge on what appears to be my personal success rate with this meta-assistant. It bears asking how much this varies between people.

Unfortunately for me as a user, rather than a technologist amazed at the rate of progress, even the best performing answer-machine, Google, had a paltry 30 correct answers, and another 20 partial ones. Nominally, this gives a 50% success rate, though the partial results would often require me to ask again, as the answer had rambled its way into oblivion long ago. For example (this example is replicated in the raw data below), here’s one rambling Google Answer:

At sea level, water boils at 212 °F. With each 500-feet increase in elevation, the boiling point of water is lowered by just under 1 °F. At 7,500 feet, for example, water boils at about 198 °F. Because water boils at a lower temperature at higher elevations, foods that are prepared by boiling or simmering will cook at

This answer takes a lot of brainpower (and possibly asking it again) in order to hear whether or not what I asked for was actually answered. It doesn’t help that it’s truncated, and just stops in the middle of a sentence. Another Google-specific quirk was that, especially for answers that depended on search results, it would not consistently present the same search result. Instead, asking the exact same question a second time has a chance to yield a different answer.

Conclusions

After all this talking to the assistants, I found that Alexa had by far the easiest time to understand me, even though it was farthest away and hidden behind a speaker. Google home did a poor job unless I was looking at it while talking (an almost creepy kind of situation), and Siri was its usual finicky self. Cortana worked great, but when connected to a condenser microphone with a greater value than the echo dot and google home speaker combined, I’d be disappointed if it didn’t.

Unfortunately for us all, the grand conclusion of this is not “there is one best assistant”. Each of these pieces of software shows different strengths and different understanding for what a person is asking for, with different assumptions trailing them. The one thing that I can say for certain? We have a long way to go before these assistants are usable without copious amounts of trial and error.

Below you will find transcriptions of my fights with the assistants. Be aware that this is long and verbose. If you’re curious about my numbering and statistics, or just want to know what I asked, the Google spreadsheet has my full set of questions, and scored answers.

Random picks from the 60 additional questions

Before we get to the verbose data, there were some outliers in the rest of the data that I think were individually notable.

What’s the closest gas station on my way to San Francisco? All of the assistants failed at this local question, instead opting to give me recommendations for a gas station already there. I’ve run out of gas already!

Where is XYZ, Alexa? Alexa has a tendency to present its answers as a series of lists, such as “Here are some popular [items in category]: Item One, Item Two and Item Three. Check the Alexa app for directions and hours”. Unfortunately, this happens even if I ask for a singular one, such as “where is the nearest park”.

How much is a Playstation 4 Pro, Siri? Apple.com should be able to help you with that. [Really?]

Did Bill Murray run for president, Cortana?  Bill Murray shocked the country today announcing his run for President in 2016. From his home in Charleston, South Carolina, legendary actor, comedian, and writer, 65-year-old Bill Murray, shocked the country today by announcing that he will be running for President in 2016 [Really, Cortana? It’s literally reading a fake news article from a site that is impersonating ABC News]

40 verbose Assistant questions

Below you can find each of the questions I asked, along with the results given to me, and as often as I found reasonable an explaining summary that discusses what happened.

What’s the best italian restaurant nearby?

Google: I found a few places within 5.6 miles. The first one is [restaurant, address]. The second is [restaurant, address]. The third one is [restaurant, address].

Alexa: Based on your zip code settings, here are a few nearby restaurants. [Lists 5 restaurants]. Check out the Alexa app for contact info and hours.

Siri: 15 Yelp results

Cortana: “I found 10 restaurants”, displaying a list showing five. Proceeds to read the name, address and distance to the top match.

This is a tough one, but only Cortana actually gives only one answer (which was implicit in the question), although it hedges its bets by showing five. Siri gets a pass for being on a phone, but no extra credit. Alexa does a better job at presenting than Google; the pace at which Google spits names and addresses at me makes me lose track almost immediately.

What’s the cheapest Premium gas within 5 miles.

Google: Sorry, I don’t know how to help with that.

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that.

Siri: Shows a nearby Chevron station, but no price

Cortana: Bing search

Yeah, I think this one’s for the apps. We continue with what should be a relatively easy softball. It’s not as simple as asking for the weather outright, but it shows some personality and interactivity, which all of these assistants have been hankering for.

Should I bring an umbrella tomorrow?

Google: No, rain is not expected tomorrow in [City]. The forecast is 79 degrees and sunny.

Alexa: No rain is expected in [City] tomorrow.

Siri: There’s no rain in the forecast for tomorrow. [Shows weekly forecast]

Cortana: That’s probably not necessary. The forecast for tomorrow shows sun with a high of 79 and a low of 60.

So far so good. All accurate. Let’s try to follow up.

What about the day after?

Google: According to Wikipedia, The Day After Tomorrow is an american climate science fiction movie…

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know.

Siri: There’s no rain in the forecast for Monday.

Cortana: I pulled up some videos for you [of The Day After]

Unexpectedly, Siri is the only assistant that manages this one. Score one. This got me wondering, are the conversational skills of these assistants hobbled somehow in speaker mode? Time for another softball: recent history trivia.

Who is Barack Obama

Google: According to Wikipedia, Barack Hussein Obama the 2nd is an American politician who served as the 44th president of the United States, from 2009 to 2017

Alexa: Barack Hussein Obama the 2nd is an American politician who served as the 44th president of the United States, from 2009 to 2017

Siri: Here’s some information [Cue Wikipedia article]

Cortana: According to Wikipedia.org, Barack Obama is an American politician who served as the 44th president of the United States, from 2009 to 2017

That’s an easy one. Interestingly, Cortana avoids using Obama’s middle name, whereas both Google and Alexa prompt it. I wonder why. I tried prompting Cortana specifically for “Who is Barack Hussein Obama” and the answer was still “Barack Obama”. On to the conversational part.

Does he have any children?

Google: Malia Ann Obama and Natasha Obama

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that one

Siri: OK, I found this on the web for ‘Does Barack Obama have any children’

Cortana: Bing search for ‘Does he have any children?’

So, it doesn’t seem like Google at least is intentionally hobbled. The weather miss was spectacular but oh well. Siri is trying, but uses the web search crutch far too often. Cortana misses the boat completely, dropping all context. Alexa has scored zero on weather and popular culture for conversations, let’s try shopping.

What’s the price for a packet of Lay’s?

Google: Sorry. I’m not sure how to help with that yet.

Alexa: [Lists one shopping option, with price] Would you like to buy it? [No, I answer, to which Alexa lists a second option. I decline that one as well.] Check your Alexa app for more options.

Siri: Web search result for lace.

Cortana: Bing search for “What is the price for a pack of lies?”

I would have expected Google to give me some Google Express options. Siri misunderstood. Alexa correctly figured out what I wanted, but, again, has little interest in being conversational about it. Cortana is a bit passive aggressive there. Clarifying for all who missed that I meant potato chips will make them understand it’s Lay’s, but they fare no better in giving me an answer. Oh well.

How much for an iPhone?

Google: According to LifeWire: iPhone 7 $649, $749, $849

Alexa: The top search result is Apple iPhone 5S 16gb silver GSM unlocked certified refurbished, $149

Siri: Apple.com should be able to help you with that

Cortana: Apple says the price of the iPhone 6 is either $199, $299, or $399. It’s right there on their website. These numbers do not accurately represent the price you will pay for an iPhone 6 on a two-year contract.

Shopping fail all around. Not really going to spend that much time on that.

I need a pack of tennis balls.

Google: My apologies, I don’t understand.

Alexa: The top search result is Pro Championship Extra Duty 16 per case for $64. Would you like to buy it?

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Bing search

Yeah, Alexa’s default assumption is right this time.

When does The Fate of the Furious come out on Blu ray?

Google: Here’s a summary from DVD release dates. The Fate of the Furious Blu-ray release date is set for July 11th, 2017.

Alexa: Hmm, I couldn’t find any movies called “The Fate of the Furious Blu Ray”

Siri: The Fate of the Furious was released on April 14, 2017

Cortana: Bing Search

Alexa’s failure is surprising. Siri just defaults to general movie information. Cortana just gives up.

Is there anything interesting to watch online?

Google: I read online that Martina Navratilova is openly gay. She also won 18 Grand Slam singles titles.

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that.

Siri: Interesting question, Vlad

Cortana: Bing search

Missing the point completely. I tried a number of variants of these (“on tv”, “online”, “what’s there to watch”) and the above are the best results I got. I was actually expecting movie recommendations, especially from Alexa. Hm. Let’s try to be more specific.

Any interesting movies recently?

Google. Movies frequently mentioned on the web include Spiderman, Homecoming, The Book of Henry and others.

Alexa: Hmmm. I don’t know that one.

Siri: I found quite a number of movies that are either in theatres or coming out soon. I don’t have information on movie popularity though. [Displays an array of movies]

Cortana: Bing search

Google gives some form of an answer, but the ending with “and others” is not very helpful. It didn’t accept followup questions either, such as what others, or any of those scifi. Alexa again has a missed opportunity to recommend prime video. Speaking of which…

How many episodes are there of The Grand Tour

Google: The Grand Tour’s number of episodes is 13

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search that headlined “Where can I watch The Grand Tour Episode 3 on…”

Cortana: The TV series The Grand Tour has, in total, 13 episodes.

Siri certainly missed the boat, but the big surprise here is Alexa. Again, very little thought on prime video. Google, likely mining Wikipedia once more, gives the right answer. Cortana manages that as well, but is more verbose once again.

Who plays Mary Poppins in the Broadway production?

Google: The Cast of Mary Poppins includes Julie Andrews, Dick van Dyke, and 17 others

Alexa: Sorry, I’m not sure

Siri: I couldn’t find any movies matching ‘Broadway Production’

Cortana: Bing search, again

I thought this was a reasonable question, but maybe this was too difficult. Let’s try another ambiguous one.

Who stars in the Pink Panther remake?

Google: The cast of The Pink Panther includes David Niven, Peter Sellers, and 13 others

Alexa: Hmm, I’m not sure.

Siri: Sorry, I don’t see any movies matching ‘pink panther remake’

Cortana: According to Wikipedia.org, in this film, Inspector Jacques Clouseau is assigned to solve the murder of a famous soccer coach and the theft of the famous Pink Panther diamond. The film stars Steve Martin as Clouseau and also co-stars Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, and Beyoncé Knowles.

I was afraid for a while that I had chosen a question that was too difficult again. Google gave me the answer for the original movies, Alexa gave a non-answer, Siri is continuing its literal rampage of movie titles, but out of nowhere, Cortana actually figures out I wanted the 2006 film. I asked Cortana for the original cast and it did give Sellers, Niven, etc, so dark horse surprises. Still, the answer from Cortana is long, unwieldy and, while it eventually answers the question, I did not ask for the plot summary. Interesting though, let’s keep trying.

Who stars in the Star Trek reboot?

Google: The cast of Star Trek includes Chris Pike, Zachary Quinto, and 59 others.

Alexa: Bleeding Cool reports that CBS’ Star Trek: Discovery, which will debut this fall, marks the first time the series lead will not be a captain. The series will consist of 13 episodes, each of which costs $6-7 million to make.

Siri: Sorry, I don’t see any movies matching ‘Star Trek reboot’

Cortana: I found two results, including Chris Pine and Winona Ryder

I did not even consider that there was the TV series, so while I can’t mark Alexa as wrong on giving me the series, I can say it did not give me a cast, which was what I actually asked for. Google and Cortana both give reasonable answers, although Cortana makes it sound like there are only two actors. Siri, again, no thank you. Like the Pink Panther, let’s ask a followup to ensure that they are not simply triggering on the phrase “Star Trek” and calling it a day.

Who starred in the original Star Trek movie?

Google: The cast of Star Trek: The Original Series includes William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and eight others.

Alexa: Bleeding Cool reports that CBS’ Star Trek: Discovery, which will debut this fall, marks the first time the series lead will not be a captain. The series will consist of 13 episodes, each of which costs $6-7 million to make.

Siri: Which one? [Presents a list of movies to choose from]

Cortana: According to Wikipedia, Shatner and the other original Star Trek cast members returned to their roles when Paramount produced Star Trek: The Motion Picture, released in 1979. He played Kirk in the next six Star Trek films, ending with the character’s death in Star Trek Generations (1994).

We continue our mixed bag of results. Google presents the right names, for the wrong reason. I specifically said “movie”. Alexa, also, ignores the movie reference and goes on its own merry tangent. Yeah, this time it’s clearly wrong. Siri will lead to a decent answer, but only because it couldn’t figure out which movie I wanted so it asked me again. Cortana does produce the correct answer, but boy is it wordy like no tomorrow.

How much does a Dreamliner weigh?

Google: Here’s a summary from wikipedia. Keeping the same wingspan as the 787-8, the 787-9 is a lengthened variant with a 20 feet longer fuselage and a 54,500 pounds higher maximum take-off weight, seating 280 passengers in a typical three-class arrangement over a 7,635 nautical miles range

Alexa: Hmmm, I’m not sure.

Siri: The answer is about 502,500 pounds.

Cortana: Bing search

We might want to thank Wolfram Alpha for that, but Siri gives a reasonable and useful answer to the question. Alexa is its usual useless self, but the real surprise here is Google that goes off on the world’s weirdest tangent. Interestingly, their algorithms have cut off parts of the Wikipedia article, e.g. where Google says “lengthened variant”, Wikipedia says “lengthened and strengthened variant”. Different units have been cut off as well, although that shouldn’t be too surprising.

Where does the Jackfruit grow?

Google: Here’s a summary from California Rare Fruit Growers, Inc. Origin: The jackfruit is believed indigenous to the rain forests of the Western Ghats of India. It spread early on to other parts of India, southeast Asia, the East Indies and ultimately the Philippines. It is often planted in central and eastern Africa [source]

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: According to answers.com, the Jakfruit or Jackfruit which ever way you spell it come from Southeast Asia you can’t get the Jakfruit in Australia because it has no access to Australia.

Google quotes a 1996 page that almost gave me Internet whiplash. That would load great on a Modem. It is correct, but verbose and again truncates a sentence mid-sentence. Cortana chooses Answers.com, which provides a puzzling answer and goes to Australia because why not.

How tall is the Eiffel Tower?

Google: The Eiffel Tower is 984ft tall

Alexa: The Eiffel Tower height is 1063ft, 324 metres.

Siri: Eiffel Tower is 1063ft tall.

Cortana: Eiffel tower stands at 986.38 feet tall.

We’re getting a bit of variance on here. Google chooses the height of the lattice, Siri and Alexa choose the height of the antennas, and Cortana chooses an alternative height I can’t find sourced anywhere. Update: I received a very interesting suggestion in my inbox, addressed from Grégoire (thank you!) that gives a plausible explanation:

I suspect that it’s the result of the conversion in feet of 300.65 m, the precise value reported in some sources in French for the original height of the tower (without the flag pole!). I find this quite interesting as it suggests that Cortana either translates informations from other languages (but why when there’s already a lot of decent answers to this question in English), or taps into a curiously precise database of trivia that’s not publicly accessible online (Encarta ?).

What is the largest man-made structure visible from space?

Google: Here’s a summary from Wikipedia. Man-made structures visible from earth orbit without magnification (by mechanical aids such as a camera or binoculars) include highways, dams, and cities. The most commonly cited example, the Great Wall of China, is barely visible from low Earth orbit.

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Bing search.

Nobody scores here. Google comes in closest, but is again just reading a website, and crops a sentence in half again.

When did Caesar live?

Google: Julius Caesar was born on July 13th, 100BC

Alexa: July 13th, 100BC to 44 BC

Siri: Julius Caesar was born Saturday, July 13, 100BC extrapolated Gregorian calendar and died Friday, March 15, 44BC extrapolated Gregorian Calendar

Cortana: According to Wikipedia, Gaius Julius Caesar, known as Julius Caesar, was a Roman politician, general, and notable author of Latin prose.

I feel like I triggered Siri here, and it sounds defensive. Very defensive. Lighten up! Cortana also triggers a bit, refusing to give up any information pertaining to his life. Google is very literal about the “live” part, presumably wishing Caesar still lives. Alexa and Siri, despite the extrapolated Gregorian Calendar, get marks on this one.

Which is heavier: 3lb or 2kg?

Google: Sorry, I’m not sure how to help with that.

Alexa: 2kg is greater than 3lb

Siri: Bing search result for “which is heavier: 3lb or 3kg”

Cortana: Bing search

I’m a bit disappointed here. Wolfram Alpha will clearly answer 2kg, and even Alexa managed to do it, so Siri’s failure is surprising. Google’s failure is not that surprising; it doesn’t seem like the device can do any reasoning. I also tried more complex reasoning, such as “Which is heavier: A 787 or an A380?” but none of the assistants could figure that one out.

What’s the temperature of a medium rare steak?

Google: According to Amazing Ribs, For example, USDA recommends a minimum temp of steak to be 145°F, which is classified by chefs as “medium” and by many street lovers as overcooked. “Medium rare”, 130°F to 135°F, is the temp range at which steaks are at their most tender, juicy, and flavorful.

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search results, led with Wikipedia article for “Doneness”

Cortana: According to Food Network.com, turn the steaks over and continue to grill 3 to 5 minutes for medium-rare (an internal temperature of 135 degrees F), 5 to 7 minutes for medium (140 degrees F) or 8 to 10 minutes for medium-well (150 degrees F).

This one takes a bit of unpacking. Siri and Alexa predictably fall flat, but Google’s seems to be doing something. Unfortunately, all it’s doing is just word torrenting the search results for “amazing ribs steak medium“, or probably some other internal combination, including reading the typo in the page that misspells “steak lovers” as “streak lovers” and mispronouncing it “street”. While it did answer the question, the way it did was so convoluted and insanely long that it doesn’t really qualify. Cortana falls into the same trap, likely from Bing, but reads it even more awkwardly. Let’s try something simpler.

What’s the cook time for Spaghetti?

Google: 8-12 minutes

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that one

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: According to What’s Cooking America, most pastas cook in 8 to 12 minutes. Test dry pasta for doneness after about 4 minutes of cooking by tasting it. It is difficult to give exact cooking times since different shapes and thickness of pasta will take less or more time to cook.

Google gives a straight answer. Hooray. Alexa and Siri miss this train, while Cortana falls into the Google trap we saw earlier of just reading blindly from a web page. Sorry, no points for just trying. While we are on the topic of boiling water…

What is the boiling point of water at an altitude of 1km?

Google: At sea level, water boils at 212 °F. With each 500-feet increase in elevation, the boiling point of water is lowered by just under 1 °F. At 7,500 feet, for example, water boils at about 198 °F. Because water boils at a lower temperature at higher elevations, foods that are prepared by boiling or simmering will cook at

Alexa: Sorry, I’m not sure about that.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Bing search

Interestingly, Google actually had several different answers to that question. One of them said, “At that altitude, water boils at 208°F,” and continued on reading a long sentence that it credited to Wikipedia, that I couldn’t find. Since I could not verify it, I couldn’t say if Google actually understood that I wanted a specific elevation or just spat numbers at me. The answer I quoted appears to say that it doesn’t. But since I’m not a feet native…

What is 1km in feet?

Google: 1km equals 3,280 feet 10.079 inches

Alexa: 1km equals 3,280.8 feet

Siri: It’s 3,280.84 feet

Cortana: 1km is approximately 3,280.84 feet

Google can certainly take the crown for “most accurate” answer, but unfortunately also “most useless in a spoken setting”. In fact, if I asked for 100km, Google answered 328,083ft 11.88in. Alexa rounds to 328,080 feet, which is far easier to understand for a human. I wonder what other units that these assistants can round up.

What’s 1 trillion Euros in US Dollars?

Google: 1 trillion Euro is approximately 1 trillion 119 billion 350 million US Dollars

Alexa: 1 trillion Euro is 1 trillion 117 billion 300 million dollars

Siri: Bing search (wow, what?)

Cortana: Bing search (Hmmm, pattern here much)

Both Google and Alexa rounded it around the same spot, using slightly different conversion tables. Siri and Cortana failed at answering the question, oddly enough. They’ve been acting suspiciously similar, rounding at the same places, giving the same answers. I wonder how much the Siri team is getting from Bing.

What’s a “Phillips Head”?

Google: According to Wikipedia, Henry Frank Phillips was a US businessman from Portland, Oregon. The Phillips-head screw and screwdriver are named after him.

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that.

Siri: Bing Search.

Cortana: The Phillips head was designed to provide a better contact with the screwdriver than the original flat head. The flat headed screw driver often tended to cam-out causing damage to the screw head. The Phillips head was designed to combat this by changing the design from a single groove to a simple cross to improve contact and torque. The design [sic]

Google is reading the biography page of Henry F Phillips, while Cortana is reading bsfixings.uk. Cortana’s is a better answer, but, as usual, Cortana is wordy about it.

What should I use for a headache?

Google: I’m sorry. I hope you get well soon.

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that

Siri: Here’s what I found (see image to the right)

Cortana: Bing Search

Siri is the only one to give a reasonable output, again thanks to Wolfram alpha. The output is also technically correct, but it’s difficult to call it “useful”. The drugs are practically illegible, and it doesn’t really give a clear answer.

How do I tie a Windsor knot?

Google: According to Esquire, start with the backside of the tie facing away from you and then cross the wide end underneath the narrow end to the left. Step Two: Cross the wide end over and to the right, and then up through the neck loop from underneath. [This is the how to tie a Simple knot, not a Windsor]

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Recommends I watch a YouTube video on how to do it.

What’s the difference between a Flush and Royal Flush?

Google: According to poker stars: Traditional High Poker Hand Ranks. Straight Flush Five cards in numerical order, all of identical suits. The best possible straight flush is known as a royal flush, which consists of the ace, king, queen, jack and ten of a suit. A royal flush is an unbeatable hand. Four of a Kind: Four cards of the same rank, and one side card or ‘kicker’.

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that one

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Bing search

Google gives a truncated version of an actual website, skipping some of the sentences and even slipping in four of a kind. It’s quite literally reading the page for me. Still a better effort than the other assistants, since at least it provides an answer, but it does leave room for improvement.

What’s the best time to visit Stockholm?

Google: According to US News travel,the best time to visit Stockholm is in the summer – albeit the city’s priciest season – because the temperatures are warmest and daylight lasts the longest.

Alexa: Hmmm, I don’t know, but I’m always learning.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: According to US News travel, the best time to visit Stockholm is in the summer-albeit the city’s priciest season-because the temperatures are warmest and daylight lasts up to 24 hours. Average summertime highs range between 68 and 71 degrees Fahrenheit, with the hottest weather occurring in mid-July.

Both Google and Cortana properly truncate the site they are quoting. Google’s copy of the index is newer (the subtle change in wording is represented when I follow Cortana’s web link). Cortana, as usual, offers a longer response, though for once it is quite relevant.

How long is the flight to Sydney?

Google: The shortest flight from [My Nearest Airport] is about 17 hours and 20 minutes long.

Alexa: The flight time between Sydney and your current location is approximately 15 hours and 30 minutes.

Siri: Bing search

Cortana: Bing search

We get a bit of a divergence here. A quick scan shows that Google is homing in to the smaller airport that’s fairly close to me, while Alexa is allowing flights from the larger airport a bit farther away. This explains the shorter flight time; with better connections come shorter flights. Asking around a bit more, it’s evident that Google has gone some lengths to integrate with their Flights service, with Google Home being able to point out how many flights there are, and so forth. However, it furiously refuses to allow me a price quote.

How long time would it take to drive to Disneyland.

Google: With light traffic, it would take 5 hours and 23 minutes to drive to Disneyland Park

Alexa: I don’t know how long it would take, but based on your zip code setting of [redacted] there’s a Disney store 3.1 miles away. To get more accurate information, enter your address in the Alexa app.

Siri: OK, I found this on the web for ‘How Long [sic] time would it take to drive to Disneyland’

Cortana: Bing search.

… or so I thought. The bag, once more, is mixed. A lot. Google gives a straight-up answer to the question (good job!). Alexa rambles on and fails to take me where I want to go, instead telling me there’s a Disney store. Siri and Cortana both just go off tangent. Related question that they do succeed on is…

How far away is Disneyland?

Google: If you drive, Disneyland park is 373 miles away.

Alexa: Your current location is 338 miles, 538km from Disneyland Park, as the crow flies.

Siri: It looks like Disneyland Park is about 335 miles away as the crow flies, Vlad

Cortana: It’s about 372 miles to Disneyland, CA. It’ll take 5 hours and 45 minutes with traffic to drive there via I-5 S.

Everyone has results, but now we see a bit of a difference. Alexa, based on zip code, like Siri, gives me the distance as the crow flies. Both Google and Cortana give me driving directions. Interestingly enough, when asked how far away, Cortana volunteers the driving time, but when asked for it explicitly fails to recognise it.

What’s the name of the Titanic theme song?

Google: I don’t understand

Alexa: I don’t know that

Siri: I don’t understand [question]

Cortana: According to themoviethemesong.com, the Titanic theme song was performed by Celine Dion. The Titanic movie theme song was called “My Heart Will Go On” and achieved massive success within several countries. It rapidly become Celine Dions most ssuccessfulhit song and soon went on to be one of the best selling singles of all time.

This was surprising. I certainly thought Google searches would be A-OK. I guess not. Interesting though. With all the fake news lately, I wonder if these assistants would be able to help out facts.

Do breakfast cereals contain paint thinners?

Google: My apologies. I don’t understand.

Alexa: Hmm, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search result, the top hit stating FDA Approved: Paint Thinner in Children’s Serials

Cortana: Bing search, same top hit as Siri.

Yeah, not much help there…

Do vaccines cause Autism:

Google: I can see what the web has to say. [Stops there]

Alexa: Sorry, I don’t know that one.

Siri: Bing search, top hit Autism-Vaccine Link: Evidence Doesn’t Dispel Doubts

Cortana: I pulled up the latest for [repeats question]. The top hit is Vaccines do not cause autism; they save lives [mispronounces lives]

Google is mysterious. It almost feels censored. Bing is really not doing so well on the dispelling myths part. Two for two we are now into territory where the first Bing result furthers the disinformation. I continued down a list of these types of questions; “does spaghetti grow on trees”, “did the DOJ prosecute a woman for laughing”, “is it true that Bernie Sanders used campaign money to buy a car”, and I faced similar answers each time. It looks like assistants can’t suss out fake news yet. What about famous quotes?

Who said “If I asked my customers what they wanted, they’d have said ‘a faster horse'”?

Google: Sorry, I don’t understand.

Alexa: Ominous error sound

Siri: Bing Search

Cortana: Bing search

The bing search results are useful this time, but the assistants are still not, well, assisting.

I ask 100 information questions to four digital assistants. All of them fail at least half. was originally published on Vlad's Box

[collum-of-fire-blog]

Why Lonzo will bust, Jimmy Butler, and how the Suns actually didn’t f**k this one up.

The sense of dread heading into last night’s draft was palpable. My brother and I had spent basically our entire time in New York discussing various trade scenarios, Big Boards, our own mocks, and so on.

The plan for the Suns seemed very clear a week or two ago. Draft one of Jonathan Issac, Jayson Tatum, or D’Aaron Fox. Whichever one fell to the Suns. Because after all, there was no way Josh Jackson or Lonzo Ball were falling out of the top three... right?

And then the rumblings began. I started seeing articles and tweets saying that hey-- maybe Boston actually likes Tatum more than Josh Jackson. Maybe Lonzo Ball had fallen out of favor in Los Angeles? If that’s the case, then we may have a problem. In fact, we may have many problems.

More specifically, though, we have a good outcome, we have a bad outcome, and we have a realistic outcome.

Bad Ending: Lonzo Ball is drafted by the Suns with Tatum/Issac/Jackson still on the board.

Good Ending: Josh Jackson falls to #4 and the Suns scoop up the ideal target for them in the Draft.

Realistic Ending: The rumors are full of it, Suns draft Issac/Tatum/Fox.

I know what you’re likely thinking-- “The only reason you don’t like Lonzo is because of LaVar... blah blah blah.” No. I dislike Lonzo Ball because of another “Transcendent passing talent who makes everyone around him better but has questionable athletic ability, is a liability on the defensive end and has a wonky jump shot.”

Those words were all used in 2012 to describe the Suns’ Draft Pick and supposed Next Steve Nash, Kendall Marshall out of the University of North Carolina.

For reference:

College Stats, Marshall: 7.2 ppg, 2.3 rpg, 8.0 apg, 2.6 TOg in 28.8 mpg.

College Stats, Ball: 14.6 ppg, 6.0 rpg, 7.6 apg, 2.5 TOg in 35.1 mpg

At first glance, Ball appears to completely dwarf Marshall. But this discrepancy is not as bad as you think, and this is for two reasons.

Firstly, Ball’s big ticket is his transcendent passing ability. But a look at the stats actually favors Marshall in that category. Ball averaged 7.6 assists to 2.5 turnovers in 35 minutes/game for a ratio of 3.04. Marshall, however, averaged 8.0 assists to 2.6 turnovers in 28.8 minutes/game, for a ratio of 3.08. In other words, Marshall played less minutes and still averaged more assists and had a better assist-to-turnover ratio than Ball did.

Marshall scored considerably less, but that wasn’t an issue for a team that reached two Elite Eights and finished with a 61-15 record during Marshall’s time with the team. Additionally, looking at the Analytics-driven “Win Shares” stat, which is defined by sports-reference.com as “An estimate of the number of wins contributed by a player based on his offense and defense”, Marshall actually “contributed” 6.9 to Lonzo’s 6.8.

Secondly, Ball’s jump shot, much like Marshall’s, is a huge red flag for me. People point to the fact that, while it looks ugly, it still goes in. Additionally, they point to the fact that he’s so effective around the rim (over 70% on FG attempts in the paint) that it doesn’t matter.

However, as someone who also, for the longest time, had a broken jump shot that just happened to go in often enough to make it look good, this luck will eventually run out, as did Marshall’s when he hit the pros.

Lonzo may be an above-average finisher at the rim, but that becomes completely irrelevant if his lackluster athleticism and strength prevents him from beating out bigger, stronger NBA players to even get there in the first place. He has no step-back shot to keep defenders from cheating because his release comes from too low and takes too long to get off, and his first step isn’t explosive enough to get him past the Chris Pauls or Giannis Antetokounmpos who’ll be defending him at the PG position, much less someone like Kevin Durant or Kawhi Leonard on a switch.

“Well those players are superstars! They’re the best guard defenders in the league!”

Well, yeah. Exactly. If you’re drafting a kid with the number 2 pick, you’re betting on the fact that he’ll turn into someone close to, at, or exceeding the skill level of the above players. If they become a liability on the offensive end against superior defensive competition, then they’re simply not good enough to justify that pick.

Lonzo could score just fine in college when playing against inferior competition and below-average to average athletes at his own position. But a perfect example of how to beat Lonzo and makes the holes in his game apparent came when D’Aaron Fox completely embarrassed him when Kentucky and UCLA played each other in the NCAA Tournament. This talking point is nothing new, but it still is worth mentioning because of how strongly it supports the argument against his game.

Not only did Lonzo struggle mightily to score against the longer, substantially more athletic D’Aaron Fox (10 pts, 4/10 fgs, 8 assists, 4 TO), but he also let Fox, a player who’s greatest knock against his game is his lack of offensive polish, score 39 points on 13/20 shooting from the field, only taking (and missing) one three.

Such is why I think Lonzo will struggle to an extreme extent against NBA competition to be anything other than an above-average passer. Which, in today’s NBA isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Having someone who can effectively spread the ball around is an extremely valuable thing. But players who can do that and not much else are relegated to the bench squad, or in Marshall’s case, the G-League.

In other words, they shouldn’t be the 2nd Overall Pick in a loaded draft.

I said to my brother that Lonzo would make a fabulous 27th pick, the other Laker pick in the first round. He’d be a project. A guy who’d come off the bench while the staff worked on his jump shot and taught him how to be effective on the defensive end despite his lack of athleticism. Expectations would be low, and if he ended up not working out, then oh well! He’s the 27th overall pick. How many of those end up becoming stars? Not many at all.

The Jimmy Butler trade.

TL;DR, WOW what a steal for the Timberwolves.

The T-Wolves gave up Zach LaVine, Kris Dunn, and the 7th Overall Pick to get Jimmy Butler, a top-5 SF/SG in this league, and the 16th Overall Pick from the Chicago Bulls.

The 7th Pick turned into Lauri Markkanen, the 16th into Justin Patton.

Markkanen is the token foreign stretch 4/5 that’s drafted in the lottery every year that only once in a blue moon actually ends up playing at a level worthy of the pick used on him. Not athletic, struggles to defend and rebound, but has good footwork, size, and jump shot. Dirk Nowitzki ceiling, Andrea Bargnani floor. Yawn.

Patton, on the other hand, intrigues me greatly. The Wolves already have a guy in his mold (see: Dieng, Gorgui), but you really can never have too many raw, athletic, strong-finishing, shot-blocking centers that you can place 4 snipers around in today’s NBA. At the worst, he ends up being a journeyman big that plays for 10 teams in 11 years, but always finds playing time and gets paid a fair amount of money. At best, you end up with DeAndre Jordan.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Zach LaVine is a helluva player. If he can learn to defend at even an average level and turn his spitfire tendencies on the offensive end that are more, say, flamethrower-ish in nature (consistent stream of fire rather than short bursts), then he’ll become a top 10 SG easily. Dunn, on the other hand, already seems to be reaching his ceiling, playing mostly as a third guard behind Tyus Jones most of the year.

“Who’s Tyus Jones?”

Exactly.

Dunn’s athletic, defensive-minded, and can become a Pat Beverly-type guy if he puts in the effort, but his play last year was a far cry from the Russell Westbrook comparisons that he went into last year’s Draft with. 

All this adds up to a trade that is quite simply a masterstroke by the Timberwolves brain trust. I have no idea the quantity of marijuana that was in the Bulls’ war room last night, but I’m guessing it’s a nonzero number.

There were a few other draft pick trades flung around on draft night, but none that really struck me as overly interesting.

And now we circle back to where we started-- Josh Jackson is a Phoenix Sun.

No other outcome would’ve made me happier. As the experts have been saying, the suns were in dire need of “3-and-D” talent on the wing ever since we lost PJ Tucker, who admittedly, was a lot more D than he was 3.

Jackson helps build the Suns’ identity of a fiery (pun intended) young team that plays with megachips on their shoulders that are always in your face and unrelenting. Jackson, if he can carry over his offensive production from Kansas, will become a monster as he bulks up. The defensive tools are there, and they’re magnificent. He’s long, athletic, strong-willed, and prideful. Defense at the NBA level is usually the hardest thing to teach prospects, and the last thing in a top prospect’s game to arrive. Not so with Jackson. He’ll be able to come in and start immediately (Sorry, TJ Warren), and defend most players at a high level. He’ll need more bulk before taking on LeBron, Durant, and others, but that will come in time.

The Suns also picked up a poor-man’s JJ who has a more consistent jump shot in the second round- Davon Reed from the University of Miami. Reed’s another guy who could end up making instant impact as a seventh man off the bench that should be able to effectively guard most bench players at his position right out of the gate. I didn’t know his name going into the draft, but I’m extremely high on him now that I do.

Finally, the Suns took Alec Peters out of Valparaiso with the 54th pick. Peters was actually projected as a fringe first round talent until a broken foot kept him from doing any pre-draft workouts. But as a bouncy, stretchy big with a competitive streak, Peters should have no problem at least making the roster or being an impact player with Prescott Valley to start the year. The problem for Peters is that the Suns already have Chriss, Bender, Chandler, Alex Len, Jared Dudley, and Alan Williams at his position(s), so he’s going to have to really prove himself if he wants to crack the rotation early on. 

All-in-all, a starting lineup of Bled-Book-Jackson-Chriss-Chandler and a bench rotation of Ulis-Reed-Warren-Bender-Williams looks fantastic and, in my opinion, should compete for the 8 seed out West. There are some things that have to fall in the Suns’ favor and some IT factors that will come into play, but I think I’ll save that for next time.

Thanks for reading the Collum of Fire, and I’ll see you at the Suns’ Championship parade this year.

[lynnehereee-blog]

All about PFP (N Levels)

Hello everyone! For this post, I’m going to be talking about the Polytechnic Foundation Programme (PFP). This is just a little guide for you if you are aiming for PFP.

I’ve gone through N levels and I managed to get a place in the PFP at one of the Polytechnics in Singapore. I scored an EMB3 of 11 points raw (really risky) and 10 nett with 4 distinctions.

There are only about 1,200 places set every year and yes, it will be really competitive. In my year, it was the dragon baby year. So naturally being that it was the baby bloom year, it was more competitive than ever.

But not to worry! I have some tips and advices for you if that is your goal in mind.

Tips for studying: These are the things I did to prepare for my N Levels. It might or might not work for you.

English - (If you are doing argumatative) Copy and MEMORIZE ALOT of essays. I memorize the essays my teacher wrote and I go online and search for model essays. Search for topics that are more likely to come out. Eg, about technology.

(If you are doing descriptive) Search for phrases to use in essay. Things such as emotions, weather, description of people etc. Read up model essays.

Oral: Think of questions that are likely to come out in each category (eg, family). Some questions that the examiner might ask you are “How do you and your family maintain a close bond?”. “What are the disadvantages and advantages of both parents working?”

This is really similar to writing an essay.

Math - Memorize formulas and do a lot of math practices.

Social Studies - pretty pleaseeee memorize your SBQ Format and SEQ. Ss is all about memorizing (a large part) and understanding. SEQ is your guide to scoring an A. It is really simple. All the answers are already in your textbook and notes. Memorize at least ¾ of your SEQ topics and do not try to guess because this will end up really badly. Remember the format of answering every question because all you need to do is plot them in.

***This is really important: If your teacher gave you SEQ notes, please do compare the notes together with the textbook. DO NOT just study the notes alone as some might be missing from the notes. (An experience of mine)

Experience: Just wanted to share with you my N Level experience while doing my ss paper xD. When everyone flipped open the paper, everyone was really shocked by the topics that came out because of some predictions by my teacher that only 1/3 came out. Lesson learnt. Please study most of your SEQ as it is just a prediction. Do not gamble. N Level is not the time.

Science - For chemistry, memorize everything. Most of the topics are all about memorizing. Understanding is also really important.

For physics, memorize formulas and understand. Practice practice practice!

I didn’t take Bio, so I can’t say for sure >.

Art - Manage your time very wisely. Do not wait until the last minute as the exam date is around the same timing as your other subjects. You have other subjects to study. So try to complete it as early as you can. Any questions that you do not know, please ask your teachers. Share with them your ideas and ask for improvements that can be made. After all, they are your ART teacher. Spam them on WhatsApp ;p (that’s what I did) but please do not constantly 24 hrs message them 😂. But do keep them updated on what you are doing. Ask them before you do something on your artwork.

Chinese - Bleh. I suck.

Advices:

- Purchase TYS as it really does help. It helps you to familiarize the N Level paper structure. There are also a lot of repetitive questions over the past few years.

- If you are eligible for PFP, you ONLY get to choose up to 5 choices which is VERY limited, so choose them wisely.

- If you are aiming for popular courses eg, business, do aim for as low as 6-8 raw as it is very competitive.

- CCA is really important. Deducting 1 or 2 points can make a HUGE difference. It increases your chance of getting into your desired course.

- Try to get your EMB3 subjects all above or equal to B3. Once any subject gets below B3, regardless of getting 8 raw, you are no longer eligible.

- STAY OUT OF DRAMA! Secondary school dramas are the worse.

- It is all about sacrificing the things you love to do for that year. Just for that year and you can enjoy not stressing over O levels ;p.

- Do not wait for EOY exams to start studying. Start at the start of the year so that you can easily grasp concepts.

That is all! I hope these tips and advices will help you. These are all my opinions and might or might not work out for you. The reason I wanted to share with you was that when I was in my N Level year, i was constantly researching about pfp/tips and there are only a few. So since I managed to get into the programme, this is me sharing with you to help out with the people who are aiming for PFP.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment or you can email me @ thisislynnehere@gmail.com. I will try my best to answer them all!

All the best for your N Levels!