#This is why we need therapy!!!!

[creepyscritches]

Ramping up to my first family therapy appointment and I'm feeling like an insane person trying to get thoughts in order like this is hell on earth 🤡

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[clementine221b]

gregory house.

[averagemrfox]

Yea ok but if that really is the Summer Maiden behind them and she’s just a kid and they put these two in charge of training and guiding her

The mother who abandoned her own child and killed the prior Spring Maiden both out of fear and the sibling who was loyal to the wrong person until it was almost too late and was unable to save her baby sister… I’m sure they’re coping fine with that responsibility

[hang-a-roo]

- Bradley ranting about Iceman on base -

Hangman: shhhh! What if someone hears you??

Rooster: If they heard me, they’d tell him. Then he shrugs and responds with, " what can I say? He has daddy issues.”

Hangman: ..how do you know?

Rooster: Because Maverick told him to say that.

[adhd-merlin]

[xiaoppangppang]

Charles being this big bad killing machine who loves baking and post sex cuddles makes me wanna explode

[songofsunset]

Today we weren't allowed out on the playground due to wet paint, and my kids were doing great but by the end of the day we were getting stir crazy and bouncing off the walls

And also separately we've been working with this one kid to try and control her temper (her tiny body fills up with So Much Rage and she will bite!!!) and I realized that we only tried to give her tools to deal with that when she was all worked up, and that isn't any sort of way to build a new skill

So we all sat on the carpet and and dimmed the lights and took like 5 minutes for toddler yoga and deep breathing and it was actually great?????? We practiced taking deep breaths and blowing them out (toddlers can't see the difference between breathing in and breathing out, they just hear it, like a lot of times if you show them how to smell a flower they will blow on the flower!!!! So emphasizing the blowing out part helps them figure out the breathing in part) and we patted our heads..... And our shoulders ... Then gave ourselves a big hug!!!! (One little boy who loves hugs was so excited about this part!!) Then I walked them through a basic sensory activity where we felt the carpet with our hands and listened with our ears to see what we could hear and then looked around for what we could see, and then we did deep breathing and stood up together for some stretching and wrapped it up

And it was so helpful??? It really helped reset the mood in the classroom, it was amazing

AND THEN, later in the day, when my tiny child was full of rage when her classmate grabbed a toy, I said 'take a deep breath!!!'

AND SHE DID

SHE STOPPED RIGHT THERE ALL FULL OF RAGE AND TOOK THE TINIEST ANGRIEST MOST ADORABLE BIG BREATH IVE EVER SEEN AND IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER!!!!!!!!

[epersonae]

so, episode 3, huh? I'm just going to say that somebody on that creative team knows what it's like to beg someone to stay alive

[goldkirk]

I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.

Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.

It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.

still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby

[bitchiswild]

More goon central! More goon central! More goon central! 😸

More goon central? 😏

Lemme tell you the story of how the twins don't really like their younger brother Bart. 😒🙄

It all started when Lila @lilacura introduced Bartholomew to me saying how this was now our son and how she gave birth to him (of course i agreed) . During this moment she had also sent the pic to Jade @jade-jini and Keer @keervah oh my god they did NAWTTT like him and called him uglyyy😭 (LIKE DAMN LEAVE THE BABY ALONEEEEEEE HE DID NOTHINGGGGGGG). Everytime Lila and I bring up bart the twins were always like "ugh i thought you forgot about him" or "ugh he's not my brother" LIKEEEEEEE 🥲 ITS OUR BABY WHY WOULD WE FORGETTTTT AND WHY R U SO MEANNNNNNN!!! LIke they gotta learn to love him but they dont wanna CAUSE HE'S UGLY??????? LIKE BFFR. BUT GUESS WHATTTTT THEY ARE FINALLY GETTING USED TO HIM ( they still dont like him) BUT WE ARE FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHEREEEEE!!!!! jade is just being nice cause she wants fortnite things AND KEERRRR THE #1 BART HATER FINALLY COUNTS HIM AS ONE OF LILA'S AND I'S KIDS!!!!! (she was calculating how many kids lila and I have now and she was like 3) GUYSSSS WE ARE GETTING SOMEWHEREEEEEEEEEE🤪🥳🎉 but lila and I welcomed another baby a fur baby (the family pet) named riri :3 and shes is a little flirttttttt 😭 but lila and i love her cs she talks like us 😭. and when Lila and I were telling Jade and keer about their new sibling they were like ??????? ARE YOU A FURRY (like okay. what the actual fuck.) WE WERE GONNA ASK JADE AND KEER TO NAME RIRI BUT NooooOoOOoOOOoo THEY WANNA BE RUDE. so we asked sienna!! @kittyl1z she was no help at first, wanting us to name riri stephen curry🧍‍♀️like okay. no. BUT SHE GAVE US THE NAME RIRI SO WE TOOK IT AND RAN WITH ITTTT (we were gonna name riri Liyuh "Leah" but riri was too iconic and too good) But yesssssss lila and I now have 4 kidsssss. :3

I hope this was a fun goon central storyyyy!!!

^ this is riri SHES SOOOO CUTIE PATOOTIEEEEE🤭

[lornasaurusrex]

I miss you Lorna… this is such a mess

This is an old message and I had several other similar messages, but I miss you guys and hope you’re all doing well!! I’m sorry to see nothing has improved.

I saw I was kindly mentioned by @awesomefringey and some other commenters the other day, so just wanted to log in and say hello and log back out for a few more months. 💕

Sending so so much love to all of you. Take care of yourselves and each other, please.

The video is still on YT.

[inkskinned]

maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[gooperts-gunk]

love wins btw

[thefrogdalorian]

Sometimes I find myself thinking about Din Djarin a little too much that I get concerned and think that I really should go to therapy...

Well, I'm finally doing that (again) tomorrow... :)

Feeling pretty nervous about it but hoping that because I now know I'm autistic it will help me understand/explain things a little better! Hopefully this is the start of a journey to finally become a healthier, happier version of myself :)